Desire or Love

Lust or Love Many a time, in the name of love, we worship lust. Tainted lust keeps making us dance, and under delusion we boast of offering our self-sacrifice upon the pure altar of love, dreaming of setting a supremely radiant ideal before the world. The consequence of this is that not only do we fall ourselves, but we also drag our so-called beloved into darkness. Furthermore, so many impure vibrations are dispersed into the world through this that the dormant impressions of people possessing similar mental dispositions are awakened, and they too begin to feel a sense of pride in imitating us. In this manner, not only is the pure name of love tarnished, but in proportion to the significance of our position in society, nation, or the world, we become instruments in tearing them apart and weaving a web of unrest, sorrow, and calamity for them; and this state of affairs is exceedingly pitiable. Therefore, right from the beginning, we must proceed with vigilance. Let us continually engage in self-examination: are we caught in the clutches of lust, or is the pure attraction of love drawing us? Let us accept this as an absolute truth: if there is no place for God between us and our beloved, if the mutual relationship between us and any of our beloveds is devoid of the feeling of the Lord, then no matter how beautiful, well-ordered, or holy the external appearance and outward manner may seem, it is in reality nothing but the expanse of lust. To say nothing of relationships established arbitrarily by an impure mind filled with sensual objects being permeated with lust, even in relationships established entirely through lawful means, wherein there has not been the slightest breach of propriety anywhere, there is the delusion of love, while what resides there is lust. The seers of subtle truth in India knew this fully well. They have analyzed it thus: [Sanskrit] "Verily, not for the sake of the husband is the husband dear, but for the sake of the Self..."

[Sanskrit] The husband is not dear for the sake of the husband; rather, the husband is dear for the sake of the Self. The wife is not dear for the sake of the wife, O dear; rather, the wife is dear for the sake of the Self. The sons are not dear for the sake of the sons, O dear; rather, the sons are dear for the sake of the Self. (Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 4.5.6) 'It is certain that a husband is not dear for the purpose of the husband; a husband is dear for one's own purpose. A wife is not dear for the purpose of the wife; a wife is dear for one's own purpose. Sons are not dear for the purpose of sons; sons are dear for one's own purpose.' Upon reading or hearing this, it might seem for a moment: how can this be? Are all our familial and domestic relationships devoid of love? No, that is not the case, but upon deep reflection, this statement will prove to be literally true. There are various nations across the surface of the globe. Let us subtly examine the lives of men and women there. Then no doubt will remain in us. As long as there is an expectation of receiving pleasure from our relatives, and pleasure continues to be received, the thread of love remains bound. Once the hope of pleasure vanishes and receiving pleasure ceases, love too is broken. Even if it is not broken, it is bound to become slack. For this very reason, the sages established a sublime boundary, making a simple and exceedingly beautiful arrangement to transform all these desire-based relationships into divine love for God. They imparted the injunction: a wife ought to love her husband only by regarding him as a form of the Lord, and a husband ought to understand his wife as a veritable form of the Lord. The son should serve his father by perceiving the Lord Himself in him. The father should nurture his son only by regarding him as a manifestation of the Lord. Wherever and with whomever a relationship exists, one should engage in appropriate service only by perceiving the Lord alone manifested therein and by constantly maintaining this realization. Of this

attitude, this certain result is bound to follow: very quickly our ego will dissolve; the tendency toward rivalry within us, the jealousy we begin to feel upon seeing another prosper, will be destroyed; the disposition toward finding fault in others (asuya) will also come to an end; and the way we haughtily despise people today will no longer remain- [Sanskrit] For a person who constantly meditates upon My presence in all human beings, rivalry, fault-finding, and disdain, along with arrogance, indeed disappear very quickly. (Srimad Bhagavatam 11.29.15) The implication is that when, impelled by beginningless impressions and karma, we exist in this world, we cannot avoid entering into relationships with people. But if we follow the boundary laid down by the sages, no blemish of these desire-based relationships will be able to touch us; rather, we shall attain the supreme goal of our life as well. Purifying poison, we shall turn it into nectar, and our desire-based relationship will culminate in divine love for God. But this will happen only when we truly desire to do so. If, as in the present day, we go about staging a pretense of love, feeling pleasure in the flowing current of passion, and drift along while excluding the Lord from our midst, then all is lost! What is happening today? Just look toward the Western nations-in the intoxication of youth, young men and women meet each other, and they also establish marital ties with one another. Until another wave of infatuation arises, who knows how long and how fine a drama of love carries on. But at the slightest gust of selfishness, or when another means of pleasure that is relatively slightly more attractive presents itself, all that love vanishes into thin air in an instant. The wife chooses another husband, and the husband accepts another wife. Here too, the mind remains exactly as it was before; here too, it does not take long to suffer a blow, and leaving this

as well, a new relationship is established. One, two, three, four-who knows how many changes keep occurring. At the beginning of every relationship, the drama of love is enacted in an entirely complete and elaborate manner. From the outside, it appears as though this time two hearts are truly going to become one forever. But what happens is precisely what has always happened in the realm of lust. Another temptation inevitably arises, and both set out in search of new pleasure to find a new relationship. And the irony is that such occurrences, such behavior, have begun to be regarded as a part of civilization; those who oppose this and place the truth before them are considered backward. The shadow of this intoxicating wave has begun to fall upon India as well. We can see glimpses of this among the male and female students of our schools and colleges, and among undisciplined young men and women. The reverence of the majority of our educated youth toward the sublime discipline established by our sages, toward their system designed to render every desire-based relationship purest of all, has ceased to exist. They have begun to regard their past glorious, spiritually predominant history as the life of undeveloped men. Their ideal is becoming today's society, which grants complete freedom to indulge in sensual pleasures, where a race is underway to acquire various kinds of sensory objects and enjoy them. In accordance with this ideal, they set out to mold their lives. They do not like old things; they want novelty, they will accept only the notions of an advanced age, and for this reason the domain of their love also conforms to this age. They regard the naked dance of lust alone as the play of love, and feel immensely proud in sacrificing themselves upon the altar of that love. This is the state of affairs today! Be that as it may, those among us whose discernment is not entirely dead, who wish to see their lives elevated not merely for themselves, but also from the viewpoint of the welfare of society, the nation, and the world, must indeed remain vigilant.

Wherever we may establish a relationship of love, we should first of all bring the Lord and place Him there. The realization that the Lord alone is before us in this form must remain unbroken; otherwise, any relationship devoid of this feeling will inevitably turn into a lustful relationship, regardless of how pure or how beautiful its initial form might be. Along with this realization, if not much, we should keep at least one more thing in mind: in true love, the tendency toward self-interest, any kind of longing for one's own pleasure-the notion that we should derive pleasure through the beloved-cannot exist. In pure love, having surrendered one's all, there exists solely the desire to make the beloved happy, not to derive pleasure from them. Where there is a desire to obtain pleasure for oneself, there is no love-it is lust, this must be accepted; yet we are deceived many times in this regard. Our ego keeps cheating us. We think that we are loving, that in our mind there is only the desire for the happiness of the beloved, but in reality we keep worshiping lust, and filled within us is the hidden craving to obtain pleasure for ourselves from the beloved. We must certainly tear apart this web of illusion as well; we must crush this hidden selfishness, this tendency toward seeking personal pleasure, as swiftly as possible. This is certainly somewhat difficult, but what cannot be achieved through effort! Let us thoroughly recognize once and for all the ego that presents lust-the desire for one's own pleasure-before us under the guise of love, and having recognized it, let us remain constantly vigilant. In any of our relationships of love, the moment we detect the slightest trace of its scent within us, at that very instant let us envelop it with the immaculate fragrance of pure love, so that our soul may find fulfillment and we may

"...we desire nothing else besides"--awakening this supremely sacred, sweet, and fragrant feeling, let us quiet all other mental tendencies. Once, ten times, a hundred times, a thousand times--as many times as that ego of ours, the illusion of lust, spreads darkness--so many times, quickening the flame of the lamp of pure love, let us begin to gaze upon the Beloved in its light. Then, gradually, that light will become bright and ever brighter, and the darkness will become faint and ever fainter. One day this darkness will disappear entirely and forever. And there will remain solely our Beloved. Who is the Beloved? The Lord! An indication of this very state is found in these Vedic verses:[Sanskrit] "Where one sees nothing else, hears nothing else, knows nothing else, that is the Infinite (Bhuma)." (Chandogya 7.24.1)"Where one sees not another, hears not another, knows not another, that alone is the Infinite (the Lord)." The difference between divine love (Prema) and selfish desire (Kama) has been explained elaborately by our Acharyas. The glorious devotees of Love have explained through subtle discernment how our ego drapes lust in the garments of love. But for us to take to heart their analysis and their divine illustrations is also exceedingly difficult. In our minds overcome by lust, there is simply no room for those divine sentiments; such a deep, dark color of lust has coated most of us. Mentioning them is indeed futile. Yet, from where we stand and on the plane where our intellect functions, if we wish to grasp an analysis suited to our level, we can find it. A Western saint has drawn a very fine depiction of the human ego that weaves the web of hidden lust. If we

could merely understand and assimilate these few words of that saint, and then, engaging in self-examination with their aid, begin to rise above, we would truly ascend before our very eyes. Our purpose would be achieved, we would conquer the selfish impulse, and we would no longer be ensnared in the delusion of ego. That saint says:"There is yet another form of egoism which remains so concealed that outwardly it appears to be the very opposite of egoism. Because of its disguise, we must be vigilant and guard ourselves against this kind of egoism. This egoism is frequently observed alongside love. It is not necessary that love be understood solely in the sense of conjugal romance between man and woman; yet it nevertheless refers, more or less, to intense affection. As with other forms of egoism, this too is connected with selfishness and conceit; but here the guise of both is so transformed that without a keen vision it is impossible to detect them. An illustration will make this clear. A woman loves a friend of hers so much that it is as though she is worshipping her. She spends all her time doing whatever seems possible for her friend. She constantly performs every act, from offering her sweets and flowers, making beautiful skirts and garments for her, sending her innumerable messages, mending her torn clothes, to assisting her with hair styling and adornment. Seeing this lavish display of affection, some people might say, 'Ah! What devotion! How heart-touching! How beautiful! What selfless love!' But is this truly selfless love? When this deeply attached woman hears

that someone else has offered sweets to her friend or done something else for her--does she feel complete joy upon hearing this at that moment? Does her mind remain entirely peaceful? Rather, an unease arises in her mind which she cannot express, yet it makes her mind restless, and the moonlight that showered joy upon her life dims somewhat. For some unknown reason, she assumes that sweets offered by others ought not to have as much taste as hers. The messages carried by others ought not to be as successful as hers; the hair-washing powders given by others ought not to possess as much efficacy or fragrance as those provided by her. In the same manner, she cannot brook anyone else's intervention in other matters as well. Now imagine that an unseen person asks her, 'Well now! Do you not wish that your friend be happy?' Then she would answer with an overflow of affection, 'Who says so? Throughout the day, I do nothing other than remain engaged in the effort to make her happy. For her happiness, I can even sacrifice my very life.' And should that unseen voice ask again, 'Then why do you become restless when she receives happiness through some other friend?' Now, here there is only silence. No answer." What is the matter! All this selflessness is merely false selflessness. In reality, this is ego in disguise. So long as that deeply attached woman herself performs the act of bringing joy to her friend, there is unalloyed bliss; but the moment someone else brings her happiness in the same manner, sorrow begins. Just as the real cause of jealousy

is conceit, likewise, here too the desire to reserve solely to oneself the exclusive right of giving arises from conceit alone. It is needless to say that wherever conceit exists, egoism is certainly present, because the latter is simply a manifestation of the former. It is said, 'Blessed is he who gives cheerfully.' But at times it would be more appropriate to say, 'Blessed is he who cheerfully grants permission to others so that they too may give.' Why should we be anxious about through whom our beloved receives happiness! The main point is that instances of selflessness and falsely selfish love are manifold. Glimpses of this are seen across diverse relationships--such as between mothers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, and two lovers." Thereafter, depicting the mutual love among young men and women in accordance with the civilization of Western countries, and tracing the beginning and end of their marital relationships, that saint clarifies how it is filled with the naked dance of selfishness. The love which the youth of India today, falling into infatuation and drifting away from their sacred principles and righteous propriety, take pride in imitating, is in truth such a sordid, selfish relationship--this becomes evident from that saint's description. He explains:"There is a whole class of display-loving lovers who present a complete picture of this. Such a lover (supposing you are a woman) will be ready to die for you twenty times a day. ***** You will feel that never before in the world has anyone loved you so much, nor have you ever been held in such high esteem

never happened, nor have you ever proven to be such an indispensable element in anyone else's life. The stream of affectionate words flowing from his lips will elevate you to the seventh heaven. Again and again, you will hear from his mouth: "Beloved! The Creator's entire craftsmanship has found expression solely in your making; nowhere, from any perspective, is there the slightest imperfection; you are indeed a veritable mine of perfection." And finding a person who honors you so deeply and loves you so intensely, you will be immersed in blissful wonder. And rightly so; there is no doubt that this delight is unprecedented. Yet, the initial dreams of an opium eater are just like this-intoxicating, full of ecstasy, dazzling flights of fantasy! But what is the true nature of the deficiencies that appear later? You begin to realize that even in being loved so intensely in this manner, there is not pure and absolute sweetness. (And suppose, before realizing that, you were married to that very person.) Then, you will feel that you have been caught in a snare-and from that husband's conduct and demeanor, you ultimately arrive at the dreadful conclusion that the lover who (prior to marriage) seemed to be the finest exemplar in the world has today become the most selfish and utterly unbearable husband. The unfortunate thing is that your thinking is correct. From the beginning until now, was he truly loving you? No, he was loving himself; he was craving the pleasure that he was deriving from you. His sole purpose was to obtain his own enjoyment, and all his charming expressions were merely transformed versions of selfish demands. Had you spurned him, he would have been ready to die-this

invocation of death was not for your sake, but on your account! The blow dealt to his vanity and the crushing of his desires would have become so unbearable for him that he would seek peace through suicide. He is indeed the greatest egotist, who considers it better not to live rather than not obtain the desired object. With such an ordinary inner disposition, thousands of people making lofty claims of love can be found. "Dying out of tender-heartedness"-what is the real meaning of this seemingly poetic phrase? Dying on account of selfishness. Overwhelmed by the constant craving for an unattainable object, the heart is shattered to pieces.""Let us observe how deeply hidden selfishness and ego can be, and among them, how ego secretly enters into every pore and crevice of our character like a germ and begins to poke its head out and peer through places where it is least expected. Let us protect ourselves from this serpent. It is extremely dreadful-no, rather, it is a disease-bearing germ capable of destroying our entire beauty. It must be eradicated completely by the specific purifying and detoxifying medicine of wisdom." These expressions of the venerable saint are exceedingly simple and measured, yet they are profoundly comprehensive. In the diverse spheres of life, let us test our endeavors against the touchstone of these sentiments. We will arrive at the discernment of whether we are wandering in the thorn-filled wilderness of selfishness (desire) or advancing upon the high road of pure love; and once we understand the actual reality, if we wish to reform ourselves, we certainly can.

Our deluded mind may also misinterpret these statements. It will tell us that when all relationships everywhere are filled with selfishness and pure love does not exist in them at all, then let it go, detach yourself from everyone. But this too is merely an illusion of the mind. Where will we go apart? Wherever we go, the mind will accompany us. The mind is filled with the world, filled with selfish inclinations and lustful desire. Even by becoming an absolute ascetic outwardly, we will continue to dwell internally in an intensely defiled realm; an undetected stream of poison will keep flowing from within us, and who knows how many living beings, upon coming into contact with it, will find the impetus to be scorched like moths. What is truly necessary is that, through sincere self-examination, we thoroughly purify this poison of lust. Then it will turn into nectar, bestow new life upon us, and open the gates of infinite, eternal bliss and peace for us and for many others. The essence of all the aforesaid matters is simply this: in every relationship of ours, the contemplation of the Lord and His presence must remain completely interwoven. Without this, we will inevitably fall into the realm of lust. The craving of selfishness must not exist at all, because in the kingdom of love there is not the slightest place for it anywhere. There, in every atom, a single pulsation resonates: "May our beloved be happy." Even the thought that the beloved must receive happiness through us alone should not remain; we must never fall into this trap. Here too lies the illusion of selfish desire, the snare of our own egoism; we must unequivocally guard against this as well. If a true lover ever happens to think of themselves, even at that moment, upon the strings of their heart's lute, only this melodic vibration resonates: 'What is our concern; whether we remain or not.' It is also to be understood that, in reality, all the aforesaid matters

belong far to this side of the realm of divine love. Upon setting foot on the plane of divine love, once love is firmly established within us, one does not have to cultivate the feeling or remember that this (beloved) is the Lord, that He is accepting our service, and so forth. There, this is the lover's eternally realized direct experience. The experience is not merely identical to the contemplation we are doing now, the perception we currently have, or the judgment formed by our intellect. That state is such that nothing can adequately be said about it; yet, at present, we do not even need to know, hear, think about, or comprehend such elevated matters. We are still stuck in the mud; what is the use of dreaming about bathing in the exquisite lake of divine love? For us, what is proper and utterly necessary is this: by feeling the presence of the Lord in all the relationships we have, and accumulating spiritual strength through this contemplation, let us first emerge from the mire of lust. Then, with the abundant waters of love-wishing that those whom we love remain happy, rather than expecting happiness from them-let us wash away with the pure waters of devotion the mud that clings up to our throat. And casting away the burden filled with knots of egotism that we have been carrying on our head from time immemorial, becoming completely lightened, let us set forth toward the temple of divine love. In this lies our own highest good, and for the world too, our life-which at present is merely a curse-will become a blessing. Who knows how many souls, following our path, will attain supreme fulfillment.