BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

Reading & Commenting on the Ashtavakra Gita [1.18-1.20]

[Ashtavakra says]: [1.18] “That which has form is not real. Only the formless is permanent. Once this is known, you will not return to illusion.”

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A: Verse 18. That which has form is not real. Only the formless is permanent. Once this is known, you will not return to illusion.

So, that which has form is not real. Real from which perspective? From the Reality of the Truth. Because we’ve seen that in the worldly realm, everything is changing. So, can we say that it is the Truth? So, if I was to say ‘The curtains are yellow’ then tomorrow they could become red; they could fade in the sun. So, is ‘The curtains are yellow’ the Truth? No. Because it is possible for them to change. So, in the same way, everything at the level of form (these bodies, this room, this ashram, this city; everything) is subject to change; is changing. In fact, I like this example that says ‘Every cell of the body changes over a period of five years. So, we say ‘I have had this identification with this body forever, for as long as I’ve lived’ but it is not true. Because there is nothing in common with this that is here now and that which was here five years ago. Those cells have all dropped off; new cells. So this form is changing. All forms we see are changing.

That is why attachment is a folly. Attachment is a folly because this realm is a realm of change. Attachment is to say that ‘This is mine, and should not change. It should always be like this’. We get attached to someone or something being a certain way. So when the change comes (and it is bound to come) that give suffering. To presume that which is ever-changing to be a constant is a folly.

To see that this realm is constantly changing is to see that this realm is unreal. So, you don’t have to go about labeling everything; meeting a friend and saying ‘Hey, you’re not real’. Not like that. But just to know, inwardly, that we are experiencing this ever-changing realm. Therefore to attach to it in any way would be a folly.

‘That which has form is not real. Only the formless is permanent.’

So, what is the formless? What is the formless?

‘Once this is known, you will not return to illusion.’

Is this true? So, you Know this now…, do you Know this? How many Know this; not just mentally but really Know this?

Sangha: Yes!

A: Will you return to illusion? [Laughs] I’ve heard so much enthusiasm, but we seem to return to illusion. So, how can that happen? Because there is this power of pretense. See? The power of belief is the power of pretense. So, this will continue.

Actually, it is a popular fallacy (especially in India) where we feel like the moment of Self-recognition is the end of all spirituality. And we feel like ‘Oh, I had that Awakening experience and now it cannot be bound’…., and that concept itself becomes the bondage; it becomes a spiritual ego, it becomes a specialness. So, that is why I say that in spite of these moments of recognition, which can become clearer and clearer, you will find that the false conditioning will still try to lure you away ‘Come, come, come with me’. But what I would like to say is that once this is Known as the Truth then the tree of the false conditioning has been shaken to a large extent. And as deeper and deeper this Knowing goes, this Seeing of Itself goes, then this realm of illusion, this realm of belief in the pretense starts to seem more and more impossible to get to.

So, when the sage is saying ‘Once this is Known’ he is not talking about the glimpse of it or the Awakening ‘experience’. He is talking about That being Known; more than anything phenomenal being known. The Reality of who we Are is Known to such an extent; much more than any concept of some phenomenal appearance can be known. Once that becomes our Knowing, then the false cannot hold any power over us.

That is why one of my favorite examples (and I know I belabor it sometimes) is the example of: If our belief was that the sun comes from the West, and then someone comes and tells you ‘No, no, it’s not true. It’s just a concept that you have. You must go and check’ (which is a Self-inquiry experience). So, when you go and check, you see it comes from the East.

So, this is a glimpse of Reality but the mind still has potential for doubt here. It will say ‘But maybe only today it came from the East’. It’s saying ‘Maybe now I’m Awareness because I’m in satsang; I’m sitting with you. (We hear these things, isn’t it?) But when I go out of the satsang hall, I no longer am Awareness’. We hear these things.

Then the sage says ‘Okay, check again. Check the next day. Check the next day’. So, the more we are coming to this recognition over and over that ‘There is no individual entity here’ then we come to the point where it is clearly Known: There is no person. There is just This Awareness.

Then when someone comes and says…, the mind comes and says ‘The sun comes from the West’…, what to do? You just naturally laugh at it because we Know it’s a joke.

~ ~ ~

[Ashtavakra says]:

[1.19] “Just as a mirror exists both within and without the image reflected, the Supreme Self exists both within and without the body.”

[1.20] “Just as the same space exists both within and without a jar, the timeless, all-pervasive One exists as Totality.”

~ ~ ~

Ananta: Verse 19: Just as a mirror exists both within and without the image reflected, the Supreme Self exists both within and without the body.”

This is fairly obvious now. We just discussed this, that This is One Being. There is no separation between inside and outside. Inside and outside; there seems to be no real separation that is found.

Verse 20: Just as the same space exists both within and without a jar, the timeless, all-pervasive One exists as Totality.

Same thing.

So, verse 20 was the end of Chapter 1.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 10^th October 2016 – Morning]

One thing that is coming up to say is that many of you have this feeling that if you start dropping this personal identity and you start coming from your authentic place, then you start feeling like ‘But that’s too arrogant’.

But it’s not arrogance. I was asking the other day ‘What is arrogant about nothing?’ It’s nothing. What is arrogant about no-thing. To come from this place of emptiness is not arrogance.

It’s just another mind trick which is saying ‘But you can’t just pretend as if you are empty’ or something like this. You are not pretending. It is Your Truth.

So, don’t fall into that trap also. You’re seeing who You Are. You’re also seeing what gets you into trouble; your false belief. And you’re able to drop this false belief now.

Allow life to now flow spontaneously through; the same allowing that I was talking about earlier. Allow your actions, your reactions. Don’t try to be a certain way. Don’t try to behave enlightened. Just allow yourself to just be. And actions are happening on their own anyway. We have dropped the pretense of being the doer. And don’t buy any idea of being arrogant.

So, very quickly we go from ‘I’m so unworthy’ to ‘I’m so arrogant’. There’s nothing arrogant about Awareness. Even to say ‘I am Awareness’ is the most simple thing. It is not arrogance.

Why must we persist with lying, just because it feels it is less arrogant? Actually, it is the separation…, to reinforce the separation with every word that we speak; that is arrogance. That separation ever could have happened; that is arrogance. That I am separate from God; that is arrogance.

So, the mind has this also upside-down. To say ‘I am Consciousness’ to say ‘I am Awareness’ is not arrogance.

And the saying is not the important part, of course. But I would rather you say ‘I am Consciousness’ and go with this direct Seeing that You’re having than continue to play this false-ness, the seeker role, the Arjuna mind-set.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 9^th October 2016 – Afternoon]

So, freedom is to be found NOW.

It is available NOW in the recognition of the Self which I’ve pointed you towards.

It is un-miss-able.

This recognition is happening for you now.

And even the dropping of the conditioning must happen NOW. If you are eating an apple, you can only eat an apple by biting on the next bite. And the next bite is your belief in your next thought. Because a thought will come; it will say ‘But how do I lead my life now? What is going to happen to it?’ But life continues in its own natural way. (My in-laws are here so they might not agree that my life has continued in a natural way or not.) [Laughs] But at least the experience from here is that life continues to flow in its own natural way; without the sense of burden, without the sense of carrying out something specifically.

And this openness is surrender. We make the prayer of surrender but we don’t really accept that even the experiencer is God Himself. And as we open to whatever life has to bring, then we’re not so concerned with what the mind is saying, what should I do next; no longer so concerned with trying to control the flow of this life (with no tools).

So, surrender is not a ‘doing’. It is the realization that it is always this greater force which has been running our life. ‘And I always had some false pretense of having some individual control’. And now we are coming to the recognition that there is no individual in the first place. It is one ocean, one movement of Consciousness.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 9^th October 2016 – Morning]

Who are you before you have the urge to go to the conclusion of who you are?

Because our habit, our way of knowledge, has been worldly knowledge. So, what happens is that we study something and we come to a conclusion about it and then we feel like ‘I know something’. This is different from that.

With this, only the living experience is possible because we cannot draw a conclusion out of it. And I know the mind must be rushing to make conclusions. And the conclusion takes you away from the fresh looking.

So, don’t make any conclusion about what you’re Seeing, what you’re finding.

I’ve given you the tools. When I ask you ‘Can you stop being now?’ Pretend that you’re hearing this question for the first time, and check. Try to stop being. [Silence]

Don’t say ‘No, no, I’ve tried. I can’t stop’. Don’t say that. [Chuckles]

Now. Try to stop being now. Don’t be. For a moment, for an instant.

You will find more joy in this than in a mental conclusion of knowing the right answer.

Because what does the mind come and say? ‘Yes, yes, you know that you are Being but where are the ‘children’ of Being?’ But it is that mental conclusion also that has to be thrown away.

Can you stop being?

And as these words come, here there is also an attempt to see: Can I stop being?

[Silence]

Can you stop being?

~ ~ ~

Silent Retreat with Ananta – 9^th October 2016 – Morning

A: Okay, so let me see if I get this straight. You had a beautiful experience of non-separation in the morning, and along with that came some shaking of the body and now the mind is coming and saying ‘But why did you have to behave like that? It’s not appropriate’.

Q: Yes.
A: That’s not true. [Chuckles] The point of creating the environment of satsang is to give you the space to allow all this to happen.

Q: Exactly what happened. And actually, I wasn’t listening too much to exactly what you were saying, but there were glimpses and I just felt I was with you totally.

A: Yes. One glimpse is enough. If you listen to 2 or 3 lines really openly in satsang, it is more than enough. The rest of it is just the defrosting.

So, now what do you feel? Like something changed?

Q: No, now I feel I’m like this again. [Making hand into a tight fist and shaking]

A: What is your truest position?

Q: Right now? [Silence] I’m here. And a lot of energy is playing around in the body.

A: Yes. Okay, so what you have to do is tell me that which affects you in reality now. [Silence] That which is playing, is playing. It’s like children playing in the park; it’s okay. If there something that really affects the reality of who you are, then report that.

Q: It’s nothing. [Chuckles]

A: [Chuckles] It’s nothing.

Q: It is just something that is happening now and it’s coming and going; and I know it’s going. During the last two days, there have been a lot of these ups and downs.

A: Which thermometer are you using? Before you go, give me the thermometer that you are using to measure yourself. You know what I mean? This thermometer, this temperature-checker, is measuring and writing down the medical report of what has been happening. So, you give me that thermometer, the meter, which measures the temperature.

Q: So, I can’t measure?

A: Yes.

Q: I will. I will give you.

A: You will give me. Very good. Don’t leave with it. I know it’s a habit. But it’s a bad habit. Let’s drop it. If you were to ask me ‘Can you tell me what your state was in the last two days?’ you don’t know how difficult an assignment that sounds to me; to go back and say ‘Okay, the day before, what was the state?’ It just sounds like too much work! Why you have to do it?

Q: Right. It’s a lot of these, because so many things have happened. This…

A: This is also that.

Q: Pardon?

A: This [what you’re saying now] is also that.

Q: Yes, yes, and I try to remember ‘Why? Why can’t I come back to this state?’ So, …

A: This is the ‘checker guy’. I speak about the ‘checker guy’. So what happens is the seeker now manifests mostly as this checker guy, saying ‘Okay now, today how many thoughts did I believe?’ That is not the point of the pointing. It is not to make reports about yourself. Because you already started by saying that ‘The reality of what I am remains untouched now by any play that might be happening’. You started by saying that. See? And then when we go to reporting what has been happening in the play then we’re going toward reporting what is happening in the un-reality. So, if reality is untouched by anything that is happening in the play, then we must not bother too much about what is happening in the un-reality.

Q: Yes. Last night I couldn’t sleep almost at all [Sigh] because it was hot and I have a cold. And one thing is that I read a quote from someone (I don’t know who it was) saying ‘You are not in the now. You Are the Now.’ That struck me very deeply. And after that when I tried to go to sleep, I became afraid because it was so much a loneliness in this. So I almost got attacks of …, I don’t know what. I was very, very afraid.

A: This happened to the reality of who you are?

Q: No. Of course not.

A: [Laughs]

Q: Of course not. But it is something to look at now, and to see that was not real.

A: Yes. That’s the only purpose. Yes.

Q: Yes. And that made me…, when I went for coffee and tea in the restaurant, I was sitting for quite a long time and suddenly something became deeper and deeper. I went more into reality, to Awareness. Somehow I was taking off more and more layers. So, I saw that I am a collector actually, with quotes and copies of transcripts. And I experienced that I can’t go on with this because I have to go in with myself and see what is true Here. You can’t read it. And it became so true to me.

A: Yes. Very good. This is very important. If you are just reading and collecting knowledge, it’s not helpful. We can take one satsang, only one paragraph, something that appeals to us, and just use that to check within. That is more than enough.

Q: They are just pointings, all pointings.

A: Yes, all pointings.

Q: Like what you are saying is pointings, too. And it feels like an opening to see this.

A: Yes. Yes. It’s very important. Because we’re moving away from the conceptual knowing of things into the true Knowingness.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 9^th October 2016 – Afternoon]

Can we drop all ideas about what must be done right now? [Silence]

Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi said that ‘If you board a bus or you board a train’ then what do you do? Some people still carry their bags and they’re running towards their destination. So, if you’ve boarded the Master’s train, then keep the bags down; you sit down.

The Master has the master plan. You drop your plan. You cannot truly have a Master and have a plan. Choose one thing. And go with that then 100%. Even if it is your plan, go with that then. But you want to have a Master also, want to have a plan also. The plan is only catering to the false one.

Some in satsang are like that also, that ‘We’ll do a little bit of this, a little bit of that, a little bit of this, a little bit of that; and as a perfect combo-meal, we’ll get to our freedom at the end of it. I have no trouble with doing a little bit of this and that; that is fine. But don’t presume that ‘that’ is getting you to freedom, because freedom is before you decide to do any of that. It is already your natural state.

~ ~ ~
[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 9th October 2016 – Morning]

What does it mean ‘Don’t pick it up’? Just allow it to come and go.

You probably heard the conveyor belt example from me earlier, but you’re in this fancy Japanese restaurant and there is a conveyor belt. It’s called ‘Yo Sushi’. So, you go over there and you have this conveyor belt. No waiter, nothing happens; you just sit at your table and this conveyor belt comes. Whatever you like, you pick up. And at the end, based on how many plates are on your table, you’ll get a bill.

Now, this is exactly the same way in which the mind works. One plate is coming to you at one time; one thought is coming at one time. It can seem like the mind is saying so much but it’s got just one ‘mouth’. Just like this; one thing at a time. Everything we pick up adds to our conditioning; our idea about ourself which is false.

Now, how to drop conditioning? We see that in every moment in this magical restaurant, your table starts empty. But if you pick up a plate, all that you’ve eaten before comes back to your table; all those plates come back. So, it’s cleaned up in this moment. If you pick up this, then it seems like all those plates that were there earlier seem to come back. So, all we can do to drop conditioning is not to pick up the next plate. Is that that tough?

Q: [Silence]

A: If you think about it… [Chuckles] Just allowing your next thought to come and go, is it that difficult?

Q: [Long silence] It probably isn’t. But how do I prolong resting in reality?

A: Yes, but we already said that which is reality is already resting in reality. And the false does not exist, therefore cannot rest in reality. So, you still want to go on that voyage of trying to make the non-existent one rest in reality?

Q: I think I’m just too used to thoughts; and some fear is here.

A: That is the spiritual journey. So, the end of the journey is not the achieving of the conclusion or coming to the destination, but the dropping of this idea that the false can ever rest in the true. Because the false does not exist in the first place.

So, many times for many of you it could seem scary that it’s ‘Game over’ right now. Because the idea then comes ‘Okay, then what do I do with my life? What happens to my next pilgrimage?’ These kind of ideas can come. But what I’m saying is that you went the journey inwardly. Outwardly, wherever your feet have to take you is okay.

Are you ready for ‘Game over’? [Chuckles] Because if you choose to play, nobody can stop you; and it’s fine. All of this is the play.

Q: It’s kind of funny because I like to think I’m ready for ‘Game over’ but I have reservations about the level of my conditioning and all this kind of stuff. I don’t want to be foolish about it.

A: So, we just said that ‘In this moment, all that is past is gone’. Even the past conditioning is vanished. But you can tug at it. You can pull at it; and everything is available to you again if you pull at it.

If you reach for a mental certificate, it is not going to give you one. If you reach for a certificate from the mind ‘Yes, this could actually be it’ and the mind saying ‘Yes, yes, this is it. Go for it man.’ it is not going to do that. [Chuckles] So, if you continue to go to the mind as an ally, it will always give you something which is a postpone-ment tactic.

Now, your deepest urge right now…, (because in the truth of who you are, you know what all of this is about) so if the deepest urge right now is to continue to play some more, that is fine. It’s completely fine. This whole realm is a creation for us to play. But at least we then have this integrity in our life that ‘Yes, the truth is very clear to me; the false I have seen and it does not exist. And yet there’s still this sense that I want to play a bit more with this realm, enjoy this taste of being me’ then that is completely granted to you. Nothing wrong with that. But then at least we are not speaking in two tongues; we’re not saying on one hand ‘I want to be free now, I want to be free now’ and on the other hand saying ‘It’s okay. I think I will wait a bit’. You see? Because if someone says ‘I’ll wait a bit’ I never have a problem with that.

So, the tool to be free Right Now is to see who you are in This Moment, and to refuse to pick up the next plate which comes on the conveyor belt. It’s just as simple as that.

Now, our giving belief is only an expression of our urge to play for a little longer (which is also fine). As long as this is clear to you, it is very helpful, in a way.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 9^th October 2016 – Morning]

Ananta: Let’s play a little game. Now, there are only some possibilities, isn’t it?

One possibility is that ‘I have come to this recognition that I’m Awareness, but…’

The second is ‘I have come to this clear recognition ‘I am Consciousness, but…’

The third is ‘I have come to neither of those recognitions because… (something)’

So, I want the mic to go around to everyone, and each of you speak one or two lines. ‘I am Awareness, but…’ or ‘I am Consciousness, but…’ or ‘I don’t see either because…’ Got it?

And if there’s not ‘but…’ That’s It, then.

Sangha (1): There is clear seeing, father, that I am Awareness. There’s no doubt, no but.

A: No ‘but’. Okay, pass.

Sangha (2): I know I’m Awareness, but I see my favorite stories catching me; my favorite stories of personhood.

Sangha (3): I know I’m Awareness, but when I’m entering the dynamic world the person comes back; but it’s been Seen. If it feels like that, it doesn’t mean that it is like that.

A: So, I am Awareness, but some prior conditioning is still coming. So instead of saying ‘It’s coming’ just say ‘It’s going’. You see? It’s coming to go.

Sangha (3) continues: There are still buttons from here, parents and family. And there’s a fear, even with this direct experience, which still remain that THESE issues are going to again …

A: So, there’s an ‘and’ and a ‘but’. I am Awareness and conditioning is going, ‘but’ (the first one) some favorite stories might still feel attractive…, and [family issues bring doubt and fear that I can’t always sustain it]

Sangha (4): In this moment, there’s no ‘but’.

A: To which one?

Sangha (4) continues: I am aware of the sense of Being. In this moment, there’s no ‘but’.

A: But? ‘In this moment, there’s no ‘but’ ….’ But in the next moment, there could be a ‘but’?

Sangha (4) continues: Things catch at times.

A: If there is a ‘but’ what happens to Awareness?

Sangha (4) continues: Nothing.

Sangha (5): I know that I am, as Being. I feel like Awareness and Being are both Known. I know I’m Awareness…, if there’s a ‘but’ it’s that there seems to be no ability to know or (the word is coming) control whether that is always Known.

A: ‘Whether I always Know that I am Awareness or not’…, that is the ‘but’. I know this is true right now, but I don’t know whether this will be true tomorrow or when we are out of the retreat.

Sangha (6): I feel more neither [none of the 3 choices] because I feel more that I am nothing; rather than to say I am something…

A: ‘I am nothing’. Okay, so we’ll add that. [to the list]

Sangha (7): I am Awareness, but as a Consciousness I am giving belief to appearance, thoughts. I am not living in pure Beingness. There is a clear recognition of being aware but not being Awareness.

A: Not being Awareness. (Okay, Maybe we should write these down. This one in particular I want to write down, which is)…, he says ‘There is a clear recognition of awareness but it is not Seen that ‘I am Awareness’.

Sangha (8): I am Awareness. [soft voice]

Sangha (9): It doesn’t quite cut it to say ‘I am Awareness’. [Inaudible]

Sangha (10): After having talked to you recently, I am Awareness but…, I know it will oscillate.

Sangha (11): I am Awareness. No ‘but’.

Sangha (12): I cannot say what I am. I don’t know.

A: What rings true most among the 3 choices?

Sangha (12) continues: I know I’m not Consciousness because I’m aware of Consciousness (or at least I believe I’m aware of Consciousness). Of course, I know I am Consciousness in the stories [playing out] and such. There is a deep sense of Awareness, but inwardly it’s a lie to say ‘I’m Awareness’. And also there is this thought or fear that gets bought that ‘Something can happen to me’.

A: So, it seems like there is a certain recognition of Awareness but it is not clear how that is Me. And also a particular aspect of this conditioning which is this fear that ‘Something might happen to me’.

Sangha (13): It is clear that I’m Awareness, but I’m still buy my personal conditioning and thoughts and dive into the play.

A: But…, the play is still attractive. Let’s put it that way.

Sangha (14): I believe that I’m Awareness. I have complete trust in you. And I know that, checking, nothing seems to affect Me. But still, I feel that if I’m Awareness totally, it should have opened a different reality which is not there. That’s my belief.

A: So, is your belief in ‘I am Awareness’ just a belief? Or is it a recognition that ‘I am Awareness’?

Sangha (14): I can recognize that.

A: So, there is a recognition of Awareness, but there is particular condition that ‘If I was Awareness then the phenomenal existence would be different in some way’.

Sangha (15): I exist.

Sangha (16): I’m free now. Being and Seeing, everything is there. There’s Beingness and that is also Seen. But there’s dynamic living…, and I can see that because there is a dynamic living every day, something will be picked up. I’m not worried about the ‘but’. Fundamentally, I’m totally joy, I’m total abundance now. Right now.

A: If you had to pick (between the real reality of what you are).., if you had to pick between Awareness and bliss, what would it be?

Sangha (16) continues: Constancy. I don’t need states. It’s all tasted already. I need constancy.

Sangha (17):  90% I Know.

A: Now. What is it directly that you Know, between the three?

Sangha (17) continues: I know I am Awareness, but the Master has to confirm it, whether it’s a mind game. Maybe the mind is playing. Second one also, I know I am Consciousness. But also the Master has to confirm it. 99.9%, I am sure.

A: So, he says ‘I am Awareness’ but there is a condition of confirmation from a credible source, which is the Master. (for both)

Sangha (18): I am Awareness now. It’s clear that I must be Awareness all the time, but most of the time I lose myself in personhood.

Sangha (19): There is recognition of Awareness but the mind seems to be stuck in doing something…

A: There is recognition of Awareness as ‘I’? Or just a separate Awareness?

Sangha (19) continues: As ‘I’. But the mind seem to be stuck in doership.

A: And that mind is attractive?

Sangha (19) continues: Seems to be, yes.

A: So, favorite stories are attractive. Your favorite story might be about doership.

Sangha (20): There is a sense of Awareness.

A: So, there is Awareness. And is there an ‘I’ which is separate from this? Is there a distinction between saying ‘I am Awareness’ vs ‘There is a sense of Awareness’?

Sangha (20) continues: There is no ego in this ‘I’.

A: So, the ‘I’ in this case doesn’t refer to the ego but to the reality of what you are. Still, the mind buts in with its favorite conditioning?

Sangha (20) continues: That’s also Seen.

Sangha (21): I am Awareness cast in a person’s mold.

A: [Answers but am leaving off this long talk. May be transcribed later]

Sangha (22): I feel like I’m Awareness, in meditation and satsang, but outside I’m still very identified to the person and I’m still picking up these stories and conditionings, and attention to the body.

Sangha (23): I’m Awareness. And every time I check, I’m Awareness. Being truthful, without giving power to the false, as Consciousness I seem to be acclimatizing to formlessness. It’s still a little bit unusual, shall we say.

Sangha (24): It’s completely clear that I’m Awareness. There’s no doubt. But why there’s this urge to pick up the thought? That part is still there.

A: ‘Why is there an urge to pick up a thought?’…, is that in itself not a thought? So this one has some power over you.

Sangha (24) continues: The Awareness itself might be personal.

A: So, write this one down. ‘…But the Awareness itself might be personal’.

Sangha (25): I’m neither Awareness nor Consciousness.

A: Then what are you?

Sangha (25) continues: The ‘Not-Knowing’ which cannot be described in words.

A: So, this which just Knows, and is unconcerned with anything in the phenomenal play, not even the body, this is what you’re finding when you look for yourself?

Sangha (25) continues: Yes.

Sangha (26): I don’t know. When you asked the question, the words seems useless. I am feeling what it is now; what it is. The mind makes an effort to speak about it but it just feels like silence.

~ ~ ~

[Note: this was very long, so just got the words that were directly related to the game itself and left off some of the talk, story and comments]

~ ~ ~

Silent Retreat with Ananta – 9^th October 2016 – Afternoon

A: That which you are looking for is already here Now. So, if you don´t go into stories of past and projections of future, what do you find right now?

The Self that we are trying to realize must be the Self here Now. If This is not the Self there is no Self; forget about it. If that which is here Now is not the Self then there is no Self. (And not ‘no- Self’ in the way that Buddhists say ‘no-Self’. That is a different terminology.)

What is here Right Now before you can go to some sensation, some emotion, some thought? What is here before that? You will not find it that way. [Pointing away from himself] You will not find it in the going, with anything. ‘I feel this, I think this’. You will not find it that way; in your feelings, in your thinking.

What is before that? And once you become comfortable to stay with what is before that, then it will stop mattering so much which feelings are coming, which thoughts are coming.  All these concepts won´t be so important now. And it is a habit, I know this; because we are used to (in this worldly life) getting things by going after them outwardly. You want a degree, then you study, study, study, take an exam, get a degree. Anything you want to achieve. You want relationship, you put profile on marriage site or dating site and then see the responses and work with that.

This is completely different. We are not going to get it that way. We are going to get it this way. [Pointing towards himself]

What is prior to even the decision of what to do or not to do?

What is prior to that?

What is at the background of all of this appearance?

What is at the root of all of this appearance?

Is it not you?

Are you not here?

We are looking for our Self.

We are looking for our Self.

[Chuckles]

Someone said a very beautiful example. [Adyashanti] He said ‘Which mountain do the shoes have to walk around to find the shoes?’ What are you looking for? Your Self. Where will you find it? Outside? By doing something, you´ll find your Self? [Chuckles] What must You be first, before anything else? What must You be?

What is the point of telling you all of this? The point is that there is a Self which is playing as Consciousness which is then playing as the person; and the game that we are playing now is the person trying to become the Self.

This will never happen. […that the person becomes the Self]. The fallacy will never become the reality. The fallacy only has to be dropped, you see?  What are you before you pick up the fallacy? Are you not aware of your existence? That which is aware IS the Self. What does it mean for the person? Nothing. Can it help the person in any way? Not really.

So, is our need for Self-discovery still driven by giving something to ‘the person’? ‘Once I find the Self, then I´ll have my infinite bowl of Amrit (nectar) and then I´ll be the happiest person on earth.’ Is that still the over-riding desire, to give something to the person?

And all the frustration with the spiritual journey, with the Master, with the teaching, with yourself, all of that comes because this one (that we have been catering for so long) is not getting it. Or even if it claims to be getting it, it is not getting the conformation from the Master that ‘I am getting it’. That is very frustrating; saying ‘But I get it, I get it’. [Master says]: ‘No, no, not you; still not you’. If there is a personal sense of getting, that you ‘got this’, that is also to be thrown away. ‘Now I am finding that I am Awareness. Now I’ve become Awareness. Now, I am operating only from Awareness’. All of this is also rubbish. You see? It is also rubbish because the ‘I’ is still participating in that (this little one). It is like the toenail saying that ‘Today I am going to walk this way to satsang or that way’. [Chuckles] The toenail doesn´t decide these things. ‘So, now I have decided to live only as Awareness’ is also part of the fallacy. And it´s very frustrating. ‘So, what to do now? You tell me! What to do? You said abide in Awareness. Now I am abiding. I am doing my best to abide’. [Chuckles]

You just have to smell a little more and see what this ‘I’ is smelling like. Is it still smelling personal? And your nose will tell you actually (not this physical nose). [Chuckles] But you know, in your heart. You might try to deny it all that you like with the mind but you know exactly what is going on in your heart actually. And when I refer to heart, I am referring to your intuitive heart (intuition); not your emotional heart. Our emotional center can be as wayward as the mind actually; even more sometimes. But that Presence which is your own existence is the supreme intelligence of this universe.

So, instead of trying to take charge of your spiritual journey; you drop it. Even now instead of trying to understand and execute what is being said, just come into this simple allowing. Just come into a simple allowing. Allowing means what? Allow all thoughts to just come and go. Allow your attention also to move naturally. Allow your body movements in the way they have to move. Whatever emotions are playing, sensations are playing, allow them. Allow the outside world to appear as it is appearing. Allow this body to react as it is reacting. Come into this simple allowing; this non-resistive (I don´t want to call it state). This non-resistance itself is your natural nature; Sahaj…, is most natural to you.  Drop all effort.

And some fear might come. And I don´t want to belabor this point, because if I keep saying ‘Some fear might come, some fear might come’ then you’ll project that. But if some of you are experiencing it, then know that nothing will be harmed; it´s all auspicious. Don´t fear the fear. Even if it seems like the ground is shaking under you; allow it. In this simple naturalness you will find that all this effort to become a person (to pretend to become a person) will start to seem more and more alien to you; will start to seem more and more effortful to you. It will seem like a waste of time actually. Why would you want to?

And in this simple natural state of allowing, all insights will also emerge. Freshness will be there. And this movie will become much more enjoyable because we are not trying to predict every scene ‘What is the next scene going to be like? Tell me, tell me’. It is just fresh. We don´t know right now who is going to speak in the next few minutes and what they are going to say. Isn´t that so wonderful; this not knowing? If you just already knew what the whole day would be like and we are just going through the motions… [Makes a listless body movement]

So, when we don´t have fear about something happening to us then we can truly enjoy the movie. If you are trying to protect this ‘me’ (this non-existent one) and leading our life, catering to this one then we are fearful ‘What is the next moment going to bring? What is the agenda for the retreat? Are you going to be really harsh on me tomorrow?’ These kind of fears will come. When we no longer catering to this ‘me’ then what is there? And all I am asking is that we stop catering to that which we cannot find in the first place.

Someone was saying the other day also again (I’ve heard this many, many times over the last 3 years) that ‘If ego is also Consciousness, why are you always so harsh with the ego?’  But it is just make-believe, that´s why. I am trying to show you that it is just make-believe; there is no tangible ego. It is not even a situation where you say that, you know, ‘You forgive the sinner’.  It is not even that situation like that you forgive the sinner (and of course the most beautiful way to deal with that is with compassion; in the world it is spoken like this) but it is not even that case. We cannot find this one. [Chuckles] That is what I am trying to show you; there is no cat. And if you keep believing that you are a Martian and then you come and say ‘But even this believe is Consciousness’ then what can I tell you? [‘Cat’ and ‘Martin’ refer to examples Anantaji has used in metaphors]

I am just showing you that you are not a Martian; you are not this person. Even the presumption that you are a person is a play of Consciousness; agreed. But if you were to wake up tomorrow and you woke up under a spell and all of you said that ‘I am from Mars. I want to go back to my house in Mars. I am missing it too much.’ what would be the most compassionate way to deal with you? Would it be to cater to your Martian-identity and say ‘Okay, let’s try to build a spaceship’? It would not be; no? [Chuckles] It would be to tell you ‘Look, look! You are not a Martian!’ and you say ‘Oh, why you are so harsh with the Martian?’ [Chuckles] And I am saying ‘Just look! It´s a lie that you are a Martian’.  That is all that is happening here; nobody is being harsh with anyone. We are just looking at that which is false and saying it is false; that which is a lie and saying it is a lie. You see? Isn´t it?

If your children have an imaginary friend who started off fine but now it is just scary to the child, would you not tell the child ‘Hey, it’s imaginary. Don´t believe it. It is just you own projection and you have given it too much belief. So, now you leave it; whatever it is saying’. And then the ‘whatever-it-is-saying’ seems like it is too much for a child to get over it. That´s what used to happen.

I started off by saying ‘Don´t believe your thoughts’. Then everybody came back and saying ‘But it`s too much. There are too many thoughts’. So, then what to do with the imaginary friend? ‘Okay, don´t believe the next thing that it is saying’. At least that much we can do, isn´t it? So, don´t believe your next thought. Then this false imaginary friend (which is claiming to be you yourself) cannot be nourished. The identity cannot grow like that.

So, all that is happening here is this; to see. I say ‘Look, look! You are not that one!’ That is the recognition. I have given you the tools to look. How to look also we have shown you. Isn´t it? So, the first part is ‘Look! Who are you really?’ So, as you look, then (as it is belief in the false) it starts to fall. Once you see you are not a Martian, then the Martian-belief starts to disintegrate. You see? But because so much has been believed in the past, that is why it is important also to drop any future nourishment to this Martian-conditioning. Otherwise the spiritual journey will keep going on and on.

I can give you a practice. ‘Every day you do 10 minutes and you’ll come to the recognition of who you are’. The rest of the day you are again filling yourself up with egoic conditioning. So, how does it end? Never. Because you get rid of whatever has been filled up the previous day with your 10 minutes of practice then the rest of the day you go about as if you are the ego. So, if I wanted hundreds of thousands of followers I would just do that; make you taste the honey every day. [Saying] ‘Drop it’…, and give you some sense of peace from that previous day’s conditioning. And then I know the rest of the day you will go about your thing, you will built up more drama in your life and you will come next day again with a bucket full of conditioning. Then ‘Do the practice’…, you throw it away. You see?  It´s a fail-safe model.

And I am not saying that there is anything fundamentally wrong with it but I’m saying that the urge here is not for that. The urge here is to show you who you are and also show you don´t need to pick up any of the false stuff. And whatever little bit you do pick up, just a simple inquiry ‘Who is it? Who is here really?’ Then drop that. You see? So, both the recognition ‘I am not the Martian’ and the dropping of the false Martian conditioning is possible Right Now. And when it gets picked up, it can also be let go.

And you know what the best news is? The best news is that ‘This moment is your best friend’. In this moment all that was past is gone. All our ideas about ourselves; Right Now, gone. If I say ‘Tell me your ideas about yourself’ you first have to think about it. They are not here; you have to go to that and pull it. So, you have to wait for some thought to come, pull at that, and then the whole stream of that conditioning seems to be available.

Can it be this simple…, that the recognition of who you are is possible Right Now; and also the conditioning is wiped off?

Actually Self-realization is the simplest thing; that is why it is impossible for the mind. It´s too simple. All that is needed is right now checked ‘What is here? Who am I?’ And don´t buy any story that the mind is selling you. If you don´t want to buy nobody can force you to buy. This is a lie we tell ourselves ‘Oh, I am just forced to believe’. Because That who has the power of belief is not some mere mortal; it is Consciousness. The person does not have the power to believe. But it has the power to believe that it does not have the power of dropping these beliefs. ‘They are too strong for me’…, it has the power to believe all of these things. It wants to play like that. But I cannot believe you when you say these things, because that which believes or does not believe is Consciousness Itself.

So, for those who have been with me for some time and they come to me still with some story, sometimes I just say ‘I don´t believe you’. [Chuckles] A sangha member once (we were in Rishikesh) would write to me on Facebook ‘There is a lots I have to share with you. So much is been happening here. I am picking up so much …’ So, then we walking on the Ganga and she shared something and I said ‘Actually you know what? I don´t believe any of this’. [She said]: ‘But Father it´s true’. Then I said ‘I know that you believe it to be true, but really none of this is really true’. Because even with our belief, can we harm what we really are? Can we actually become the ego? We cannot. We can only be This Being, and ultimately That which is Aware of even of This Being.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 9^th October 2016 – Morning]

A: Is there a distinction between the two questions:

‘Can you stop Being now?’ and ‘Are you Aware now?’

Or do they taste the same to you? Everyone can check this. Is there a qualitative distinction? (Don’t get too Advaita on me too quick.) [Laughter] Is there a qualitative distinction between the two questions:

‘Can you stop Being now?’ and ‘Are you Aware now?’

Q: There does seem to be a qualitative [difference] but it’s more in the way I am looking. If you say ‘Can you stop Being?’ I am looking for this ongoing thing that thinks itself to be a kind of an entity or something, like a Being. So, I am looking for a Being.

A: What do you find when you look for Being?

Q: I can find one but more basic is ‘Are you Aware now?’ because the Awareness…

A: Okay slowly. We have time. So, you say very rightly that when I am looking at ‘Can I stop Being’ it can feel like I am looking for Being. And when we look, what do we find?

Q: In me (and I didn’t notice) there is a presumption that because (and I’m just noticing it now) I’m looking for a Being, I’ve got to find a Being. And so I look from that kind of perspective and then…, it’s kind of like I construct Being…, ‘Oh, yeah, there is one’. Also, I look for it.

A: So, all this mental stuff, let’s keep it aside for a minute. Don’t interpret the question in anyway; don’t add a word to it, don’t add any syllable to it.

Can you stop Being now? [Long silence]

Q: I can’t stop it.

A: Yes, so this ‘it’ which you cannot stop, what is that?

Q: Experiences are being registered and that thing that is registering them can’t stop registering them.

A: Very good. Okay, so it seems to be the witness of all phenomenal things and it is registering all of this. Now who is Aware even of it?

Q: Itself is Aware of Itself registering things (is what appears to be).

A: Are you imagining this? Are you visualizing this? And even if you are, it is okay. Who is aware of the visual?

Q: That’s getting really difficult. [Laughter]

A: How did you come to know that it is getting difficult? How did you get to know this, that it’s getting difficult?

Q: On one level I am feeling lost on trying to find this ‘one’.

A: Okay, first let’s starts with this one that is feeling lost. Let’s start with finding that one. Where is that one? Because you say quiet conclusively that ‘I am feeling lost’. So which ‘I’ is this one that is feeling lost?

Just relax a little more into it. It looks like you are working really hard. Just gently.

Are there two of you? The one that is getting lost…, and the one that is looking at the one getting lost?

Q: There are; because the one that is getting lost is the mind trying to respond to the question.

A: Yes, so it’s very good. If it’s getting completely confused, we can leave it aside. We don’t have to be eloquent or coherent even. In fact, ineloquence, incoherence is very welcome. So, let the mind say whatever it wants to, let it resist.

The question is ‘Who is Aware even of this mind? Who is Aware of your existence?

Q: It doesn’t really feel like a ‘who’. It just feels like ‘Awareness’.

A: Awareness. And where are you? (And again, don’t go with the right answer; just go with your looking.)

Q: The Awareness doesn’t feel like the ‘I’ that I am used to experiencing. It’s like obviously the more fundamental ‘I’ that that the smaller ‘I’ is not used to experiencing.

A: Let’s see if I can help you even with that. So you say that ‘There is just Awareness even of existence’. Who knows this? Do you know this? Or no?

Q: It just feels more truthful to say that ‘Awareness knows it’.

A: Yes. How is Awareness telling you this? So, Awareness knows it. What does that have to do with you?

Q: It’s because it is being perceived, that Awareness has to be me. [Laughter] It doesn’t feel like all the nonsense that is ‘me’, so it’s a very different feeling.

A: So, don’t bother with your feeling for some time also; neither feeling nor thought. Just with what we are directly seeing. You say that there seems to be an Awareness here which is Aware even of the sense of existence.

Now this Awareness, how is this known? How are you able to say these words?

Is it hearsay from Awareness? Or Awareness told you ‘This is what I am doing’? Or is it more direct than that?

Q: Well, I couldn’t experience Awareness unless it’s actually me. [Laughter]

A: What is the problem if you were Awareness?

Q: It’s not a problem. It’s just that I have conditioned nonsense around what it should feel like and what Freedom should feel like and it doesn’t feel like that. It’s fairly mundane or basic.

A: Yes, but even through all of the conditioning, is your discovery that now you are becoming Awareness and you were That earlier? Or is your discovery that you have always been That?

Q: It is that ‘I’ve always been That’. But it is still unfamiliar because I don’t spend much there.

A: Who doesn’t spend much time there? Awareness steps out of there?

Q: No. [Laughter]

A: You see? So, we are trying to take identity along with us for this ride and that can start to become very confusing. So first you have to see ‘What you have been always in reality?’ And if you always have been This in reality, does the pretend ‘me’ have to spend time here or there? Or this is your fundamental reality that cannot change?

Can you step out of Awareness?

Even when you are playing as a person, have you stepped out of Awareness?

Q: No, no, we can’t really.

A: We can’t really.

Q: But you can play a very convincing game.

A: Yes, and that’s what makes it fun at one level. But even in the playing of the game, nothing fundamentally changes

Q: Yes, you still Are.

A: Now what can the mind say about the reality of who you are?

Q: At best it can take all that and wrap it up into a concept and say ‘Here you go’. But it’s not an experience. Its just nonsense.

A: Yes. So then you are saying that ‘There is nothing the mind can say about the reality of who I am’.

Q: It’s not nothing. It can give some information.

A: At best it can try and point to it. Is that what you are saying?

Q: Yes, yes, at its best. It’s still not the experience.

A: And wouldn’t that imply that everything else that the mind says (except some pointers which could be ultimately helpful) everything else is not about You fundamentally. It is about the make-believe you.

Q: Yeah, for sure. Yes.

A: You see? Now knowing this to be true, would it be wise to drop whatever the mind is saying? Or to continue to believe what the mind is saying?

Q: [Laughter] Well, it would be very wise to drop it, but there is a strong conditioning going on there so…

A: Okay, so can we start with this one that says ‘But there is a strong conditioning’. There is no conditioning which is stronger than You.

Q: You know, sometimes I think so, because Reality wanted to play a very convincing game so it had to create fantastic conditioning to keep it for a long time. And It’s got a lot of strength to do all that if it wants.

A: Yes, yes. What is the game You want to play right now?

Q: Well, you see, it’s quite confusing because I don’t get to play any game. There is only one game. I think I am trying to get out of it, it is the ego trying to trying to rest in Reality more; to spend more time in Reality. It’s a spiritual-related journey somehow.

A: Can you find anyway for this non-existence one to rest in Reality?

Q: No, I mean, that’s stupid basically. [Laughter]

A: If it does not exist, obviously it cannot rest. Then how do we buy into these ideas?

Q: It’s mostly a trick of the mind to believe in myself. So, you know, it’s a habit. And trying to drop it is quite a challenge because there is a lot to it.

A: [Laughter] What does it mean when we say ‘I am trying to drop the mind’? What do we have to do to drop the mind?

Q: If we just sense what is true now that will help drop the mind. But of course the mind just goes ‘Blah, blah, blah’ and says ‘You’re not doing it right’.

A: So, the term itself ‘dropping’ maybe we should replace with something else; because to drop something would mean to first pick it up. You cannot drop that which is not been picked up. So my provocation, my suggestion to you is: Just refuse to pick it up instead.

Right now it is dropped. This moment is doing it for you. This mind is dropped. Now don’t pick it up. What does it mean ‘Don’t pick it up’? It means just allow it to come and go.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 9^th October 2016 – Morning]

A: Frustration can come and go. It can come and go. But in the neutrality, we find the neutrality of the truth is untouched by this frustration…, or joy or bliss. The Witnessing of the expansion or the contraction is untouched by the expansion or contraction.

So, as we are coming to this direct Seeing that in reality My primary position is this Witnessing Itself, then this Witnessing is always neutral. And yet in the play of Its own aspect (dynamic aspect, Consciousness) there can be a sense of expansion or contraction.

Q: Is that an illusion…, the contraction and the expansion?

A: Yes, from the point of Awareness, even the play of Consciousness is a complete illusion.

Q: This idea ‘You will be lost in space’…, it’s just an idea.

A: Space is within You. You see? Space is within You so You cannot be lost in space. If space is fearful that it might get lost within You, then we might listen to the space more. Then we can believe you saying ‘I can be lost in space’. Because that which is within something else; that can get lost.

That which is already everything cannot get lost.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8^th October 2016 – Morning]

[Ananta had just read from the Ashtavakra Gita, Chapter 1, Verse 7]:

You are the Solitary Witness of All That Is, forever free.

Your only bondage is not seeing This.

~ ~ ~

Q: So, there’s no inside and no outside?

A: There is no inside and outside in reality, yet. You mean the body boundary?

Q: Body boundary. When I say ‘I’m the Witness of all there is’…, it must not be a concept for me. It must be real.

A: Okay. The first part is clear, That ‘You are the solitary witness’?

Q: Yes.

A: It is the second part which is causing trouble…, ‘of all that is’. Is that it?

Q: There is only Seeing.

A: There is the Seeing, which is the solitary witness. And then? [Silence] What part is just conceptual?

Q: There is no entity that is Seeing. It is vastness that is Seeing. But still, it is not very clear.

A: Yes. Okay, maybe your question could imply two things. First is that the solitary witness (he says)…, the sage said ‘solitary witness’ and sometimes when we hear the word ‘witness’ we can imagine or conjure up an idea of an entity that the Witnessing belongs to; so this witness has the power of witnessing. But actually, there is no witness, per say. It is only the Witnessing.

So, Awareness, although it sounds like a noun, it is actually just a verb. There is no ‘Seer’. It is just a Seeing.

You are not a ‘thing’. The witness is not a ‘thing’. Because if it was a ‘thing’ then even that would be witnessed. You see? All that has attributes; to say that something has an attribute, it must be seen. Isn’t it? So, this Seeing itself, this Witnessing itself, has no size. Although we say ‘vastness’ in satsang sometimes, it is not accurate because it does not conform to any paradigm of time and space at all. Time and space come much later. I often call them the grandchildren of Awareness. So to say it is vast or small; this is not true. It does not operate in spatial terms at all.

This Awareness that you are aware of now, what is the size of it? Is it vast or is it small? Can you check and tell me? The Awareness that you are aware of now, is it vast or small?

Q: [Silence] I…, I feeling I’m not there as yet.

A: That’s a thought. Throw that away. Are you aware? Or no?

Q: Yes, yes.

A: Yes. So, this Awareness, what is the size of this? What is the shape of this? Is it space? Is it a void? Does it have a color? [Silence] Don’t get side-tracked; whether you’re worthy, whether you’re there. Keep all that aside. You’re here now. Check. You are aware. What are the attributes of this Awareness?

Q: You cannot say there’s an attribute. It’s non-phenomenal.

A: You cannot say there’s an attribute.

Q: You cannot place a label on it.

A: Is this your direct experience now?

Q: Yes.

A: Good. Who is aware of this Awareness? [Silence]

Q: It’s Aware; Awareness.

A: Something sounds unconvinced. [Silence] What are you really feeling about it?

Q: You ask this question. Because there isn’t a …, I have to ask this question ‘Am I aware now?’ and then after asking the question, to check. And ‘Who?’ And then it’s clear. Sometimes it’s very clear but then sometimes there is effort needed. So, you know, there is a frustration at that time.

A: Yeah. Without any effort, what is here?

Q: [Laughs]

A: If you dropped all effort, then nothing is needed. So, what you actually could be saying is that ‘I have to give effort to my person. But when I have to make an effort to break this habit, then that seems frustrating to me’.

Q: Yes, it’s a habit. It’s so simple, it’s so easy. But the mind kicks in, and you know…

A: So, all belief is Self-limiting. What you’re Seeing is that it is so easy and simple. But the belief comes and says ‘But the mind comes’. Don’t buy any of this story. Because all stories are false. Isn’t it?

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8th Oct. 2016 – Morning]

Q: The person is involved, is Consciousness also involved?

A: So, we don´t find the person when we look. When we look what do we find? We find Consciousness, ‘I Am’. But Consciousness has some powers (we talked about it yesterday), the power of attention, the power of belief.

What is this power of belief? Have we looked at it? Let’s look together; it´s very interesting. What is the power of belief? ‘I’ just ‘Am’ and yet I have the power to believe what? Can I believe an object? Let’s look together. This object is in front of you. Can you believe it? [Chuckles] There is nothing to believe in it; it is just seen. You see? But you can believe …

Q: I can use it. It´s a tool.

A: The label came ‘tool’ and you can believe that label; the label can come ‘i-pad’ and you can believe that label. But unless that concept comes, the thought comes, the label comes, there is nothing to believe or not. This much is Seen?

Q: Yes.

A: We can keep it slow. I know I talk fast.

Q: No, no. Just one thing. Am I abnegating my responsibility?

A: We`ll get there. Just when the building blocks are clear then the later conceptual things can be easily answered. So, right now you see that objects are appearing and disappearing, but belief only operates on an interpretation of an object. You are with me?

Q: Yes.

And the object can be seemingly external or the object can be seemingly internal; which means you could be feeling an emotion or sensation, a pain. In either of these cases, external or internal, the power of belief only works on the interpretive mind. This labeling that happens and the ideas that come about something; the belief can only operate on these. With me?

Q: Yes.

A: Okay. So, what happens now when we pick up a belief about something? So, something happens; we read that an appearance happened and we say (the mind comes and interpret it saying) ‘This is very good’ but it could also have said ‘This is very bad’. You see?

Now, the power of belief then comes into play. When we say ‘allow it to go’ that means we are not believing it; just allowing to come and go. But to give it some meaning ‘This is very good’ or ‘This is very bad’ means to give it some value. So, the problem is not in the ‘very good’ or in the ‘very bad’. It is in the presumption which is already bought, that for me personally ‘This is good’ or ‘This is bad’. You see?

Q: It´s relevant, it is important.

A: It is relevant, it is meaningful, it is important. So, whether we are saying ‘Yes, yes’ or we are pushing it aside (either it becomes a desire or it becomes an aversion) it´s actually the same thing. Both is the use of this power of belief.

Now, suppose that this power of belief was not there, then how would your day-to-day experience be?

Q: Wonderful. [Laughing]

A: Wonderful. [Laughing] You see? You see this already, isn´t it? No matter what events are happening, what things are going on, the interpretive mind still comes with its ideas of things, but it just comes and goes. Without the power of belief there can be no suffering possible. There can be no identification possible. So, you already see that. This is a wonderful way, isn´t it?

Q: Yeah.

A: Why is belief a problem? Okay, who is giving this belief?

The Presence was there and then these powers started operating; attention, belief, all of these things. So, the power of belief therefore cannot belong to a person; it must belong to Consciousness Itself.

Now, what happens to Consciousness when it believes something? Suppose the thought was ‘I am a bad person’. That is too blatant. Suppose the thought was that ‘I am not ready yet’. [Q interjects ‘useless’] ‘I am useless’. Okay. [Laughing] ‘I am useless’.

So the ‘I Am’ is true. ‘I exist’ is not false. It is what you put at the end of that; which is ‘I am useless’. Once meaning is given to that, relevance is given to that, then what happens to Consciousness?

Q: It starts playing that.

A: It starts playing as if it is useless; as if it is the attribute of itself. That is uselessness. So, it´s taken this concept which came up from the mind and added it to the basket of identity. You see? This is what we call conditioning.

So, conditioning is nothing but this. ‘I Am’ remains pure, unassociated. And all that we have attached to it (using the power of our belief) makes up ‘the person’. So, person it nothing but a bundle of beliefs.

And when we look back in our life, we see this to be true. 10 years ago you would have said ‘I am this type of person, this type of person, this type of person’. Today you might say ‘I am this type of person’. That has changed. So, what had changed? The beliefs of ourselves have changed.

Now, to be more and more into personhood, you have to add more and more conditioning. So, all our self-help programs, all the skills we are learning, everything; all of this makes us a certain type of person. And we want to become better at being some type of person. How? By adding more and more concepts about that.

Now, in satsang, it is the reverse. We are saying we are ridding ourselves of all of these conditionings, all of these concepts and coming to pure, unassociated Being.

Then these concepts start to fight back in some way, because we nurtured them with great care in our basket.  So, now you are looking at them as rotten apples; they`ll say ‘No, no I am still useful’. But then it will say ‘But you are just avoiding responsibility’. You are throwing out all these concept of personal responsibility. As you are throwing it out, you are looking at the apple and the apple says ‘You are just avoiding this. This is just a great way of avoidance that you have found’.

So, then what to do? Some of us are still able to look at that in the face at say ‘Okay, Out!’ [Makes a movement of throwing away] For some of us it still has some bite and we get stuck over there.

What to do with that when it gets stuck over there? Then we use the message that it is telling us for our inquiry. See? ‘You are abnegating your responsibility’ is the message of the mind. Inquiry is:] Who is this you?

Q: It doesn´t exist.

A: It doesn´t exist. Therefore what it is saying is false.

Q: Yes.

A: If the ‘you’ itself (the premise of the thought) doesn´t exist, then the message must be false. The premise must be true for the message to be true. The premise is that there is a ‘you’ that exists in that way. You are saying it doesn´t exist. Then what to do with it? Throw it away.

Q: ‘Whose children are there?’

A: ‘Who´s children are there?’ [Laughing] Like that. ‘Who is this me?’

Q: [Laughing]

A: See, your deepest conditioning will then start to show up.

I´ve given everyone a free pass in the sangha and said ‘Don´t fight with the mother-identity. You keep it’. Then the mind also doesn´t know what to do. Because the mind will bring up this trump card of being a parent, of being a mother and say ‘See, now this one you; are still identified’. I say ‘You keep it. It will not get in the way. You keep it’. Even animals have it. A small fox will fight with an elephant to save their children. So, I don´t want to get in the way of such primal belief systems. You keep the mother-identity. What else is there? Everything else can be thrown away. It will not get in the way of your freedom.

Now, as your tree is empty of everything else and only one branch is there; the roots are being cut, everything …

Q: There is responsibility.

A: There is not abnegating of responsibility. In fact, what kind of mother would you like to give your children? Would you not like to present them with a mother who is free? Won´t they be so blessed with your Presence as you come to your unassociated Beingness? Can you do more for them ‘personally’? Or is your Presence going to bless them more, because it is the Presence of the Satguru Itself, which is unassociated?

Am I saying that any action has to stop or you have to just stay in bed all day? I am not saying any of that. I am just saying that ‘Look right now. That which has been pretended to be done by this person is not possible because no person actually existed’. Our actions can still move.

Q: Yeah. It comes back to the doership thing which we were talking about yesterday.

A: Yes. But you see now that the end of the doership debate is to see that there is no personal doer anyway. Therefore, who must be the doer?

Q: Consciousness.

A: Consciousness. Ideas of what to do and what not to do; do we feel we have to advise God on what should be done? The non-existent one should give God advice on how life should move? [Laughing]

Q:  Yes. [Laughing]

A: Because ‘He will make a hash out of my life if I don´t give him this advice’. That is the feeling, isn´t it?

Q: No, the feeling is (I have seen it again and again and again) that when He is doing it, everything just flows. But that habit doesn´t go. That habit doesn´t…, you know, the juices you get out of that personal doership.

A: Firstly, know that even the doing of personal doership, even the belief in personal doership is His doing.

So, what is the point of satsang then? It is just Consciousness having a monologue with Itself. ‘Okay, are you done with this play or not?’… ‘I will play a little more maybe’ … ‘I will buy my next thought’. It´s part of the play; there is no choice here or there.

Sometimes we say ‘Okay, bring it on! Do it’. It’s like that sometimes, just to get some juices flowing. But there is no reality to it. It´s just Consciousness right now having a monologue, saying ‘Buddy, what is your next move? What do you feel to do?’ … ‘Let´s play a little bit. Let’s play a little more’. It’s just a play. So, ultimately there is no way to force Consciousness to stop playing as a person, because Consciousness is all there is actually.

Q: Yes. [Laughing]

A: So, in this play, the seeming role that is being played here now is that of a teacher and a student; but actually there is no distinction.

Q: Yeah.

A: It´s clear, no? So, even the pretense of personhood; who is doing? Consciousness itself. So the dropping of the pretense of personhood; who must do? Consciousness itself. Consciousness is now playing saying ‘Come on, come on, drop it. Come on, come on, drop it’. … ‘No, no, I can´t drop it’.  [Laughing]

Q:  [Laughing]

A: You see? Suppose there was no other bodies visible; just this one. And this literally became a monologue like that.

‘Yes, yes, don´t believe your next thought’.

‘But the thought is talking about my children’.

‘Okay, okay drop it. Who is the mother?’

‘No, but I still feel like … ‘

You see? It is literally like this. It is One Consciousness which is moving. But it is feeling like (because the voices sound different) that they are coming from different bodies seemingly.

It is not true. All of this is one movement in Consciousness.

So, all this is just to give it more seeming-reality, more bite. What is the point of projecting all of this if it didn´t have any bite or it didn´t have any great joy? That´s why I refer to the books we like to read and the movies we like to watch because all of them have some drama; something should happen to the protagonist…, up´s and down´s. Nobody likes to read a book which is ‘I woke up happy, I went to sleep happy. Next day I woke up happy, I went to sleep happy’.  [Laughing] What is this?

So, if you don´t even want to read a book like that, ultimately we don´t want a life like that. We want the drama. We want the drama of enlightenment also. Finally, ‘I went to this retreat and it happened for me’ or ‘I went to this retreat and nothing happened for me’. [Chuckles] You see? We want either drama. To just see that ‘What did I learn? That I have always been that. There was nothing to do, nowhere to go’ didn´t sound exciting enough end to the story.

That´s why, often I say that if your novel was to end right now (of the story of your life) and it ended with a sober Seeing…, that if you are happy with a sober Seeing like this, nothing has to change in the worldly realm. No halo has to come, nobody has to fall at your feet. It is just Seen that you always been Just This.

Q: Yes.  [Laughing] Thank you.

A: Very good, very good.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8^th October 2016 – Morning]

Reading from and commenting on the Ashtavakra Gita (1.7)

~ ~ ~

Chapter 1: Introduction to Self-Realization

[1.7]: Ashtavakra says: You are the Solitary Witness of All That Is, forever free.

Your only bondage is not seeing This.

~ ~ ~

Verse 7, where the sage says ‘You are the Solitary Witness of All That Is, forever free. Your only bondage is not seeing This.’

It’s a very beautiful verse. Every word has been put in this scripture with a LOT of care. And if you just read it like this, it’s very beautiful. But when we unpack it now, you’ll see how much beauty there is in this verse.

‘You are the Solitary Witness’. It is not talking to anyone but You, because You are all there Is. The solitary witness. It doesn’t just say ‘You are the witness’. It says ‘You are the solitary witness’. But for the mind, this is a very scary idea. It’s a very lonely idea, that ‘If I am alone, then that is the worst thing’. But actually, it is not speaking to the mind in that way. It is speaking to That from which all things arise; all Beings arise. So it is not lonely. It is the opposite of lonely. It is full of this potential for experiencing this realm. So, solitary is not bad news. Solitary shows you that all of this is One. This is One Seeing which gives rise to One Being; One Witnessing in which this One Being is born. And that is who? It is You! Now! All of this is about You. You are projecting this dream to play the game of waking up, right now.

So, he says ‘You are the solitary witness of all that is’. This is also a very important line. You are the witness of all that is. That means that which you witness now is all that is. You are the witness of the entire phenomenal universe. ‘You are the solitary witness of all that is’. So, all that is, is just This.

Just like in the dream. You might have a dream which is there. You are surrounded by people. And then you get a newspaper that says that in New York, this is what happened. So, is there a dream New York? Only if You then decide to project it and witness that. Until that happens, it does not exist.

I know, it’s a bit much for the mind. [Chuckles] So, all that you are the witness of is all that exists. So, this phenomenal universe is playing within You; and this is all that is. So, you are the solitary witness of this.

‘Forever free.’ It’s not possible at all to be bound.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8^th October 2016 – Afternoon]

I want to hear from all of you. If you feel like there is something missing for you, if you feel like there’s something that you’re not getting, then with integrity (like he said yesterday ‘Where is the Ananda?’) [Bliss/Joy] I don’t mind that. I enjoy very much if you come; if you feel like there’s some way to go, something that you’re missing, you can bring it up.

Q: How to stop thoughts?

You asked me this earlier (or someone asked me in satsang) and I said ‘You are standing on the side of the road. And you are saying that there is too much traffic; how to stop the traffic?’ I say you don’t have to cross the road at all. Then will you be bothered by how much traffic is there? No. Then why stop? Let the traffic roll down the road.

Q: When I came to a silent retreat, I thought silent retreat means that thoughts should stop.

A: No. Silent retreat only means that we start with dropping this concern about what to say, how to behave, no being nice, everyone smiling. So now we’re making no eye contact; nothing. We’re dropping all the seeming-outward concern so that our focus can just be on what is being shared. ‘Who am I? What is my reality?’ All this energetic wastage that can happen in day-to-day life of trying to be a certain way, keeping a self-image, trying to be a nice person, communicate well with people; all that is being dropped. So that is already giving you a lot of reserves to be able to contemplate and see these things; because your energy is not being wasted on this outward.

The other point about being in silence is that as you start to experience your own silence, and you’re in a silent environment, you may find that our sensitivity to thoughts and other things like that might actually increase. Usually we’re distracted with our own words and the words of others. So now, when all of that is quieting down, that which your mind is saying or the sensations or pain that you’re feeling in the body, that might seem to get amplified for a bit also. So, to repress things now seems more and more difficult. That is why in a silent intensive you find a lot more shouting, screaming, releasing happening because it’s just difficult to push these things down now. If they’re coming up and we cannot distract ourselves with tv and we cannot distract ourselves with doing things with our families, then when this is starting to bubble up and we can’t really push it down, it is coming out with great force. So, this energetic release also happens when we all keep our outward silence.

Then, ultimately, what happens? This is the most important thing. Why is it that even upon this discovery ‘I am this Awareness’ that we keep rushing to the mind? It is because it feels too silent; it feels too empty. The reality of what we are (because we’re used to this mental addiction) when we come to the quietness, it just feels too open, empty and silent. And we want to fill up the silence with some thoughts, with some concepts.

So, our outward silence is getting us used being in this inward silence; being with ourSelf without having to rush to any external distraction. But you don’t have to force your thoughts to stop; you don’t have to push them away. Just allow them to come and go.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8th October 2016 – Afternoon]

[Reading from and commenting on the Ashtavakra Gita 1.12]:

“You are Self—the Solitary Witness. You are perfect, all-pervading, One.

You are free, desireless, forever still. The universe is but a seeming in You.”

~ ~ ~

A: Verse 12. ‘You are Self—the Solitary Witness’. (Now we’re talking!) ‘You are perfect, all-pervading, One. You are free, desireless, forever still. The universe is but a seeming in You’.

‘You are Self- the Solitary Witness’. (We saw this in the morning.) ‘You are perfect, all-pervading…’ We just saw that it is the same Awareness which is just playing as Consciousness, therefore it is the same One Awareness which is all-pervasive.

‘You are perfect, all-pervading, One. You are free, desireless, forever still.’ We saw that this Awareness is not changing, is not moving, is not in any way participating in a tangible way in this play. Therefore it is always free and without desire. Even the concept of desire doesn’t apply at all to Awareness.

The last line is very beautiful. ‘The universe is but a seeming (the universe is but a seeming) IN You’. Just like we were saying, the finger is just seeming within the hand. It is not separate from the hand ever. So, all of this (as Guruji [Mooji] also says) is one big seeming. It seems like all these separate ones are appearing, there are Beings, all of this play of this world is appearing and disappearing, but it is all one big seeming.

So, when we see that everything is contained within My Being; That is why I ask you these questions. What are the boundaries of Your Being?

Okay, let me take up this topic because this might be alive for some of you. Many times, when we have the experience of Being, it can quickly seem like it is contained within the body that is here. Many also say ‘The Being within this body’. But when we actually check, what happens? We find that that which we define as the body, our experience of the body, is just a set of sensations. And if you were to focus right now on the body and the boundaries of the body, you will find that a set of sensations seem to define the extent of the body. And then when we check ‘Where are these sensations experienced?’ we find that even these sensations are experienced within My Being. And My Being is not bound by them. This Beingness, this ‘I Am-ness’ is in no way bound by these boundary sensations of the body. Then we come to see things in the right light. We see that it is the cloud which is within the sky, and not the sky inside the cloud; just like the cloud of the body is an appearance within this Being. Just like all other appearances, but it is not Being which is contained within this body.

So, then when Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi said ‘The Heart’…, what did he mean? ‘The Heart’. It’s important to see that for most of us, the sense of Beingness seems strongly correlated with the area of the physical heart. But when he was talking about ‘The Heart’ he was not speaking about the physical heart. He was talking about that sense where the sense of Being seems to emerge from. That seems to correlate with our sensation of the physical heart. So when he talked about Heart, he was referring to Heart in this way.

So, this ‘I Am-ness’ for many can have this seeming point of center; this seeming sense of origin or the core being this Heart. And for many it can seem like there is no center; it is just Being. In fact, to correlate it to the body seems absurd to them. Both are valid perspectives based on what is the direct experience which the Being is having.

~ ~ ~

[Reading from and commenting on the Ashtavakra Gita 1.13]:

“Meditate on this: ‘I am Awareness alone–Unity itself.’

Give up the idea that you are separate, a person, that there is within and without.”

~ ~ ~

A: ‘Meditate on this…, (Okay, instructions coming. Pay attention.) [Laughs]

The sage says ‘Meditate on this: ‘I am Awareness alone–Unity itself.’ Give up the idea that you are separate, a person, that there is within and without.’

So, give up the idea that you are separate, a person, and that there is a within or without. That is what we are giving up; this sense of within and without, and the sense of separation of there being a person. And then, automatically, this sense would be very clear that ‘I am this Awareness alone, which is One’.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8th October 2016 – Afternoon]

[Reading from and commenting on the Ashtavakra Gita 1.11]:

“It is true what they say: You are what you think.

If you think you are bound you are bound. If you think you are free you are free.”

~ ~ ~

A: “It is true what they say: ‘You are what you think’. (I’m reading this after 20 years. We’re all in trouble now.) [Chuckles] (This is becoming another type of satsang. The ‘evil twin’ is now here.) “If you think you are bound you are bound. If you think you are free you are free.” (So, I’m going to mess around in a big way with this verse.)

If you See what You really Are, You will See that You are free.

If you check into the reality of what is Right Now, with your direct looking, with your direct Seeing, you will find only freedom is here.

If you start to think about it; even about freedom, that itself is bondage.

So, I’m not sure whether this is a translation error, or whatever it is. I don’t mind even arguing with Ashtavakra. [Chuckles]

I said: If you were to check on what is real right now, what is true right now, you will find only freedom, you will find Being, which is unlimited, and you will find this Awareness which cannot be bound. Therefore, you will not find bondage. You will find only freedom. But the instant you start to think about it, even to think about freedom, that itself is bondage. Because what do we think about freedom? ‘I have to get to freedom’. Even the idea that ‘I am free’ implies that I could be something that is bound.

So, the road to bondage is just to think about it.

(Let’s go to the original Sanskrit on this and see what it says about it. or maybe it’s like verse 2 which seems to have been inserted later on.)

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8th October 2016 – Afternoon]

Q: So, just to go back to ‘I am the Solitary Witness’

A: [Reading the Ashtavakra Gita 1.7] ‘You are the Solitary Witness of All That Is, forever free. Your only bondage is not seeing this.’

Q: Yeah, okay. So, I don´t see that. I can appreciate it as a concept but my experience right now is okay, I can experience being a witness but not ‘of all that is’. That is what would be true for me.

A: Okay, so first let’s just come to this clarity about this Witness. It is clear to you that primarily you are the witness?

Q: Most of the time, primarily …

A: No, no right now, right now. ‘Most of the time’ is confusing.

Q: Okay.

A: When you check back?

Q: When I check, the best or most truthful thing I can say is ‘Witnessing is happening here’. But not witnessing of everything. It seems to be limited by the senses. So, I can see ahead of me but not behind me. Anything could be happening behind me; I have no idea like the curtains were brown the last time I looked; but maybe someone came in and changed them to green ones.

A: Yes. We will definitely get there to what is there or not. First, I want to ground you strongly in this Witnessing position so that the rest of the conversation will make more sense. So, This Witnessing, is it separate from you?

Q: Well, no. It is Me, really.

A: It is you. Do you see that if you are This Witnessing, then anything it might witness (any appearance might come and go), This Witnessing remains unthreatened, unhurt, untouched by it. Isn´t it?

Q: Yeah, that is right.

A: This is very good. So, already we see that. That´s why we call it the play. If something cannot hurt you, it´s more like we are playing. You see? So, the play of this appearance in this world actually leaves Awareness or the Witnessing unconcerned, untouched, unhurt; no matter what might happen in the play. Firstly, this aspect is clear, isn´t it?

Q: It´s clear right now.

A: Right now. Right now is all we can do actually. So, now for this Witnessing, you say that it is witnessing only part of the phenomena. That is the trouble, isn´t it?

Q: Well, that is the experience that I am truthfully experiencing, right now.

A: Yes. Now, how do you know that there is a part of the phenomena which is not being witnessed?

Q: Well, it´s a bit like …, it´s highly unlikely that everything behind me and out of sight has disappeared; so it´s a kind of belief or a concept. But it could also be probably validated by you just because probably (I am imagining there is still a wall that’s there behind me) you can verify that. And it would be really weird if that was not the case.

A: [Chuckles] Firstly, can you validate the existence of another in the first place? Of what you are seeing or the sounds you are hearing in front of you? Can you testify to my Being? Or can you only testify to your Being?

Q: That´s where it´s really like a dream, because in a dream I create the world and experiences. They are all totally real but actually they don´t exist at all. So I can´t really do that. But yeah, okay…, it just seems highly likely that they probably do exist.

A: That is completely fine actually, because the core of the pointing is not to show you that there is no difference between the dream state and this state. That is not the core of this pointing. But it most likely will be an insight which will come to you eventually. Because I´ve seen that most of us in satsang start with the same sense that ‘What do you mean there is no wall behind me, if I don´t see it?’ As more and more insights come, this seems more and more clear that only what is seen here exists. Just like a dream. And there is actually no difference between the dream state and the waking state. But we don´t have to rush into that. ‘Hey, what about this?’ So, don´t rush into any of that. When we inquire quietly, it becomes clearer and clearer that there is nobody here. There is a sense of Being which is here, and there is a Witness of even the sense of Being; there is Awareness even of Being and fundamentally, primarily ‘I am This Awareness’.

As you are recognizing your Self in this way and dropping all that was false and belonged to you personally, then all the insights will not stop; they haven´t stopped here to this day.

Then what will happen is when you come across even scientific experiments, like Schrödinger´s cat…, you put a cat in a box and there is no observer. Is there really a cat there? Or no?  And when you make a tiny atomic-size slit and pass one ray of light through the slit, does that lead to the existence of the cat? Or what is actually observed? You see, and things like this. Then even what the sages have said in the past like ‘Who hears the sound of a falling tree in a forest where there is nobody?’ Is there such a sound at all in the first place? Then all of these will become part of your contemplation. You see?

And one day you might say ‘But there is no actual distinction between a dream that I seemed to have just a little bit earlier and this appearance’. And when it starts becoming clearer and clearer that actually all of this is the projection (in the same way projecting) Consciousness projecting; and all our concepts about dream verses the so-called reality we can look at and say ‘Okay, but I have a memory of yesterday here. In a dream there was no yesterday. I just wake up in the middle of something’. Isn´t it? Like this can be an objection which comes from the mind. But when we look, we say that ‘Yes, but we recognize those ones that were there in the dream’. You don´t wake up in a dream with amnesia and say ‘Where am I? Who am I?’ You are leading your life. You see? So, some memory is functioning even there. So, step by step we can look at this.

But again I’m saying that is not the core of my provocation. My provocation is to look at who you really are. Is there a person here at all? What is really going on?

And if you start finding yourself more identifying with the sense of Being-ness (I Am That I Am) or more identifying yourself with that which is the Witness even of this sense ‘I Am’ then your play in this world becomes one which is without suffering or just momentary suffering.

And when we are not so concerned about this ‘Me, me, me, me, me’ all the time (what´s in it for me all the time) then you´ll find that you have a lot more space to contemplate some of these deeper topics. What is the nature of reality? Was it a dream? What is this Consciousness that seems to be the light of this world? These kind of insights. When the clutter of the ‘What´s in it for me?’ is taken away then more and more these become your true insights.

So, if it seems a bit unnatural for me to say …, unless you see something that does not exist then leave it for now. Just stay with your truest nature. What are you in reality right now? That´s why if the first part is making sense to you, that you are the ‘Solitary Witness’.

Okay, so one tip I want to give you is that here we go with what is being experienced directly and we don´t presume anything. So, we are not presuming what he next to you is doing or what is he experiencing or what he is saying either, because there is no way for us to validate that. We cannot even validate whether there is some reality to this appearance of him.

Q: Seems like if we were the ‘Solitary Witness’ then we would be able to validate everything, because it´s all happening to the one ‘Solitary Witness’ so there couldn´t be anything happening which that one wouldn´t be aware of.

A: That´s what I am saying, is that all that is happening is just ‘This’. All of this is just about You. All of this is Your game, Your dream. So, all of You are just dream characters which are appearing here right now. [Chuckles]

The play of satsang is to share what is being experienced here with the presumption that it is experienced there. So, I see that all of this is appearing in the light of the Consciousness which is here. And every time I’ve asked anyone in front of me to check (when they are open to checking) then they have also seen the same thing.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8^th October 2016 – Morning]

Q: I was just going to say that it’s like the Beingness can never become that Silence, the Awareness Silence, but it can become Its devotee or something.

A: Okay, let’s look at this. So, the Beingness also is made up of Awareness itself, like we have been saying. Isn’t it? Therefore, every night when It goes to sleep, It becomes the Awareness Itself; or It drops the Beingness and only Awareness remains. Whatever terminology you want to use; whether you want to say ‘It returns to the Source’ or whether you want to say ‘It dissolves’ basically what happens is that It is no longer playing in Its dynamic aspect. Therefore, this Being never ceases to be Awareness. It is just playing like the difference between water and ice. And this recognition is happen for who? Being Itself.

Q: That’s what I mean. It’s almost like that question now. ‘Who is aware? Who is aware? Who is it?’ He’s going around and around; it’s repeating itself. It’s become a kind of fascination.

A: It’s good; not a bad fascination to have. [Chuckles] Any insight when you ask?

Q: Well, it’s so super-clear that I’m aware of perception. So, for me it’s easier to look at it from that perspective. So, I can see that in perception or experiencing, the experiencer and the experiencing and the thing or things which are experienced; it’s all one. There’s not three things. So, that’s why it’s impossible to find the experiencer. It’s like there’s all this experience while the experiencer is in the experience at the same time. And then, to be able to say that ‘I’m aware of it’…

A: Is easy.

Q: Yeah. And then when the question comes ‘So who is aware of Awareness?’ if I even try to think about it or even try to look in the way I’m used to looking, it all goes into meltdown and the mind comes in and it’s just a nightmare.

A: [Chuckles]

Q: But something is telling me now that it’s a lot simpler than that. It’s so much more simple than that. In order to say ‘I am aware’ who else could it be?

A: Exactly. Exactly. It is I who is aware. When we say ‘Who is aware of Awareness?’ it is already clear that it is I. So, what this question is stopping is it’s stopping any kind of mental adventurism; that there’s a distinct ‘I’ and there’s a distinct Awareness [such as] ‘I had the experience of Awareness but my life is still like this’. You see? It is to stop that kind of mental adventurism. The instant you say ‘I am aware’ the ‘I’ and the ‘Aware’ are already one.

This is not word-play. I hope nobody is confusing this to be word-play. The minute we say ‘I am aware’ means what? There is a Knowingness of Knowingness; there is an Awareness of Awareness. Otherwise we would not even be able to use the word ‘aware’. Nobody taught us to be aware (as I was saying yesterday). It is just innate to us. And it is I that is aware. Who is aware of Awareness? I. [Chuckles]

You know why this question is relevant? Only because many times when we come to a recognition of Awareness, of the Self even as Awareness, the mind comes and says ‘Yes, yes, you had a wonderful experience of Awareness’ and the egoic sense comes back, the mind comes back and says ‘This is how you must always be’. ‘I had it then I lost it’. I can play these kind of games. But to see that it is One: ‘I, Awareness’ is the end of that game.

Q: So, there’s some kind of belief that’s happening, which is that obviously to recognize the Presence of Being is one thing, and then Guruji [Mooji] says ‘The rare one goes beyond that’. And so I feel almost like ‘Don’t try to run before you can walk’ sort of thing. Something is saying that. Some belief is there which is saying ‘No, you have to be fully saturated in Presence before you can make that leap because the Awareness is way, way, way beyond the mind. It’s left the mind behind long ago’. So when there’s a habit there (like there is with me) to pick things up and try and understand them or to analyze them, it’s very easy for that to happen.

So, the question ‘Are you aware?’ ‘Yes’. And then the question ‘Who is aware of Awareness?’ that one itself was becoming more inviting for the mind than ‘Are you aware?’ because that one doesn’t involve anything. And you can’t really think about it, to be honest.

A: Okay, so two things I want to tell you. First is: How do you know you’re not that rare one?

Q: [Long silence]

A: So, that is the first one. Second is that: When the discovery is ‘I Am that I Am’…, the discovery of …I… Am…, is this Beingness, it is so satisfying, so beautiful. And yet, for some, it will automatically happen that this question, this urge will arise to look at ‘Who is aware even of this?’ So it is not something that must be forced, or is forced. Like here, it was this urge to look and see ‘Who is aware even of this sense of Being? What is this Awareness?’ Only then will this question take a hold of you; when the urge is for this. Because when we come to the discovery of Being, it is the end of suffering, it is the end of this strife; it’s beautiful. This world becomes like a happy dream. So, from that perspective it can be said that there are some for whom even this question will arise; even upon the discovery of God, that ‘Who is aware even of Consciousness?

Q: I think what I meant is something like ‘If I can see it’s just a belief’…, because that question over and over, the recognition over and over, is what uproots the mind, isn’t it? Whereas maybe I was believing that ‘To somehow recognize that you should never again go back into belief’ for example. So, here I can see now that there is nowhere for the mind to go. There is so much attempt to distract or pull at something, but I’m not suffering that anymore. I can see that it doesn’t really bother me. And even though some stuff is getting released still; that’s bothering me less now; because of that question.

A: Yes.

Q: I just feel like something wants to hang onto that question.

A: This ‘I’ is which one? The minute he said ‘I’ he knew he was going to get it, so he changed it to ‘something’…, but it was too late. [Chuckles] It’s the same ‘doer-I’. It’s the doer which says ‘Okay, this is what seems best to me now, this is what I’m going to do. I’m just going to stay with this now. This question is helping (or not helping)’. It’s so sneaky. It finds some route to enter. We’re talking about the most primal things, talking about the creation of the universe, and this little mosquito comes with ‘I will do it’.  We’re here discovering the creation and dissolution of the universe and the mind comes and says ‘I have understood now. I’m going to do this’. It sneaks in very subtly.

You cannot have a strategy. This moment it is very appearing; next moment you don’t know what will be appearing. That is the best allowing.

Q: So, while there still is this ‘I’ which can obviously sneak in…

A: No. It’s gone now. The question brought it back to life. With the answer, it was gone. Now, the question brought it back to life, saying ‘It’s still there’. No. It’s gone.

Q: It’s true that there’s just this reluctance to just be silent; just to Be That and Know That. And not to say ‘Okay, but what should I…, should I stay with this question? Should I do that?’

A: Exactly. [Both chuckle] But I don’t mind your silence. Even if you come up on the hot seat and you’re completely ineloquent and all you are speaking is pure Consciousness, I don’t mind any of that.

[Silence] This is openness…, to have no plan, no strategy, even for freedom. Just simple allowing. Thoughts, coming and going. Emotions ‘stay as long as you like’…, nothing lasts forever so even they come and go. This body itself…, who knows whether we will be having this body tomorrow when we wake up? Nobody knows. Everything coming and going. We enjoy these comings and goings. That’s it.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8^th October 2016 – Afternoon]

A: ‘This Being, or ‘I Am’ is the creator of this phenomenal realm’…, what could this really mean in my real experience, without any concept? What do I See? Is it not the case that when ‘I Am’ is, then this realm is. When ‘I Am’ is not, then this realm is not. [As in deep sleep] Can you validate this with your direct experience?

Q: Yes, it is.

A: Very good. So, this ‘I Am’ Itself is the light of this Consciousness in which this realm is created; on Its own screen. Is there anything outside of Your Presence? When we were checking yesterday, we saw that everything that is appearing is also in Me. What ‘Me’ are we talking about now? Not the ego ‘me’. We’re talking about this sense of Being-Me. Is there anything that is outside Your sense of Being?

Q: No.

A: So, that is what Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] means when he says ‘It is in the light of Itself and also on the screen of Itself’. When this light comes on, this realm comes on. Where is it seen? On Itself. Nothing outside of Presence is ever experienced. That is why it is the light of Consciousness on the screen of Consciousness.

Now, this is your direct experience, isn’t it?

Q: [Nods yes]

A: So then, if it is the light and the screen, then It must be the Creator of this movie. No?

Q: [Silence] This is clear, Father. Only it comes very strongly ‘It’s good to know what I am not, but let it experience what I Am instead’. Because mind just picks that up and starts visualizing.

A: So, what I’m not is this idea I’ve had about myself for so long. This person I am not. That snake is not there in the rope. That I am not.

And then we are talking about what you Are. Then you find that, in your phenomenal aspect, in your dynamic aspect (as Guruji [Mooji] says) you are tis Consciousness that is the light and the screen of all this worldly appearance. Ultimately, even this I am not. I am That which is Witness even of this. And then, from this perspective, we can say ‘Nothing has ever really happened’. Even the birth of Consciousness, and the dissolution, from the perspective of Awareness has never really happened. So, ultimately, I am not any of this’ including Consciousness.

But what is there to say then after that? So, we start from the ‘not’ from the outside; I am not this, not this, not this. And then we come to the point where somebody  like a sage like Nisargadatta Maharaj can say ‘Even ‘I Am-ness’ is an infection. I am not that’. [Chuckles] ‘Even ‘I Am-ness’ Itself I am not’. For someone like that who is so established in his truest Self, in Awareness, not distracted by this worldly phenomena at all, they can come  to a point where they say ‘Even this ‘I Am’ is an infection for me.

Clear?

Q: [Nods yes]

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8^th October 2016 – Afternoon]