BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

A: So, what happens is that the mind comes and says ‘Okay, if you are the Creator, then create this for yourself’. But it is still the small mind. It is still the representative of the person. The lawyer for the individual person is still that one. It will never have that power of creation which it keeps hoping to have, as many [books like] ‘The Secret’ that it might read. [Chuckles] It never gets to that point. That one is the small mind (in their definition). [From a story he told of a teacher who had used the term ‘that’s the small mind’s idea’]

This Consciousness is already creating this moment. That which is being experienced right now is shining in the light of this Consciousness already. Even the idea that ‘Now I can create anything’ is a creation of this Consciousness which is enjoying the play [Chuckles] in exactly the way it is meant to be. So, the ‘Big Mind’ [in their definition] is already creating exactly…, this Consciousness is already creating exactly what it wants to experience in that moment.

But it cannot help this mind, who is saying ‘Okay, I should have access to that ‘Guy’ [Consciousness] and hence be able to create this palace for myself’.

Q: You mean it’s this small mind which says…, but there’s a recognition that it wouldn’t matter whatever is created. It doesn’t matter whatever gets created or not created; it has no impact on the Knowingness.

A: Yes, exactly.

Q: So, somehow there was just a feeling that maybe I’m going on creating because I want to look for something out there. And maybe the answer is not looking.

A: Whatever you want to taste as Consciousness right now IS what You’re creating.

Q: [Silence]

A: So, even if you want to have a taste of confusion, then you’re creating this taste of confusion right now.

Q: [Silence]

A: But actually the more important point is what she said then, which is that for this Awareness, for this Knowingness, it doesn’t really matter what is appearing or not. And only from that perspective, only from this realization, can we truly say that ‘It doesn’t matter what appears in my life. I’m open’.

So, surrender and gyan have this merging here. Because to see that ‘Everything is allowed. It is only my Master’s Grace’. It’s the same allowing which happens when we come to the Knowing of this, that anything is allowed to appear but it doesn’t touch Me. It gives the same openness, whether we follow a devotional path to it or the path of recognizing ourSelf in this way. The same openness comes; the same acceptance comes.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8th October 2016 – Afternoon]

Stay here, and allow all things to come and go, in their own natural way.

Notice that your heart continues to beat.

Your breath continues to flow.

All that needs to be done is being done.

The natural functioning of the realm continues.

It does not need the intervention of the non-existent one.

Let your attention also to go completely.

Don’t force your attention to be somewhere specific.

Don’t try to control life with your attention.

Let it go.

And as you let it go, you will find that it comes naturally to rest.

Taste your existence.

Enjoy Being.

That is the purpose of this creation.

Give the world the freedom that you desire for yourself.

Allow everything to be as it is.

It is in the giving of freedom that you find your own freedom.

Have no idea about how life should be.

Drop all conclusions about how life is.

Drop all expectations.

Because the truth is much greater than any expectation you might have of it.

Your existence is the existence of the Supreme Lord.

But in reality, You are even higher than that.

It’s time to stop chasing scraps and morsels in the phenomenal realm.

Meet me here where we are One.

Meet me here where the universe is just a tiny firefly.

Meet me here before time and space.

Meet me where meeting Me is to meet Yourself.

How long do you want me to hear you as Arjuna, lamenting on the state of your life?

When do I get to meet You as Krishna, the light of this universe?

Let’s meet as One.

May the Satguru’s Grace will it to be so.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8^th October 2016 – Morning]

I take these contemporary examples sometimes. Suppose you have this mailbox (Microsoft Exchange or whatever, Outlook). So, you have this Outlook as your email box and one day you start getting emails for somebody called Rajan (because Rajan was a very popular example once). You started getting emails for somebody called Rajan. You opened one and it caught you. You start feeling like ‘This email is for me’. Then every minute, one email is coming for Rajan, saying ‘This is the plan for tomorrow. This is what we must do’. Then, like in our life when we write our story, there are some events. So, one even that happened ‘I found the love of my life’. A major email. ‘This was quite an accomplishment, Mr. Rajan. Good job. Wish you a happy life forever’. And after a few weeks of these (or depending on the situation) it says ‘Okay, this is not the constant happiness I was looking for. So what to do now? All we need is a little bit more money’. The email comes like that; we follow. We try to get money. ‘Okay, money is there but something is still missing. Maybe we should have some children’. Then children. Anything, all these things; house. It keeps going like that.

Then once day, one major email comes ‘Important. Very, very, very important’. It says ‘All of this is a sham. All of this is a sham, trying to look for personal happiness. Mr. Rajan, what you must find now is freedom. Once you find this liberation, then Mr. Rajan, you will be absolutely happy all the time. Anandi Ananda’. Then of course, it’s very attractive; we got this email. How do we find this freedom? It says ‘You go from place to place. You try this, this seemed to work for this one’. You try this, you go here, you go here, you do this. And then many places you go, you’ll be told ‘Okay, do this for 90 days. Do this for one year’. Then you do this and you come to the next level. Then you’ll grow. And as you’re growing in your spiritual stature, you feel like you got a lot. (I’m sharing my own story actually). [Chuckles] So, you feel like you’ve got a lot, you’ve understood so much. And then people come to you who are still at level one, and you start to parrot your Master’s words and you say ‘This is what; don’t be a footballer for other’s opinions. Expectations only reduce joy’. (I’ve said these words with full conviction.)

And then what starts to happen? Life being life then starts to pull out the ground from under you. Your business starts to have problems, you’re having fights in your marriage; all of this. And you’re trying to say ‘Okay, do the practice more. Do the practice more’. Yes, momentarily relief comes. But 10 minutes later, again something, something. Then we say ‘It’s only my expectations which are reducing my joy’. What to do? It’s not helping. So, when life slaps you around like this, then all of this (mostly) gets washed away and something says ‘Okay, I’m still not finding freedom for the person here. So let me now go to this. Let me go here’. And we go from place to place to place, trying to find some freedom for this person. These teachings, these concepts, some practice, something. And we feel like…, because it is the taste of honey that is undeniable; all these ancient practices will give you the taste of honey. It is undeniable. And you enjoy the honey and you say ‘This is what I have to do! I have to stretch this out so it becomes my constant experience. That’s what I have to do’. So, then it becomes ‘chasing the dragon’. (The drug addict has this term called ‘chasing the dragon’.) The first time you inhale a drug, you get a kick; and supposedly, you don’t ever get that kind of kick again but you’re still chasing that. You keep chasing by doing more and more and more. So you want to do more and more practice, more and more programs, more and more programs; level 1, level 2, level 3, level… You keep going through all the levels, saying ‘One day I will come to that constant state’.

Then, you find, as life is shaking you about, you find that ‘No concept, no practice is really giving me that. What do I do? There is fundamentally something wrong’. I came to this conclusion. Because I found that I could parrot the best knowledge, I could speak it, but when my business started becoming shaky and I was having trouble in relationship then great suffering was coming. And something was trying to deny this suffering using mental concepts. And that was giving even more suffering. Outwardly I was projecting this very nice smile, but inwardly something was just churning.

Then it became clear to me that ‘I don’t know anything! What I know is not worth anything, not worth a peanut!!’ because not one moment of suffering it was helping with. Not one moment. It was only making it worse, because the fight then was ‘But you should be beyond this by now’. Reciting all the time: ‘But I should be beyond this by now’.

And then, Grace being so beautiful, it brings you to something which starts to unravel through these beautiful scriptural books; like ‘I Am That’ and ‘Be As You Are’ came into my life. (I don’t know how it became about me suddenly.) [Chuckles] And then I started to realize that ‘I really know nothing’. I started to see that this slate got wiped clean once more…, wiped clean from all of this.

Then we found that [he means ‘I found’] what was really the urge was not to give freedom TO the person, it was the person itself which was the thorn. The belief in the identity itself was the thorn. And no matter what I tried to practice, no matter how many things I was learning spiritually; because they were taken from a personal perspective, it was leading only to continuation of the suffering, not to the end of it.

That is why when we share all these examples, it is freedom not FOR the ‘cat’ but FROM the ‘cat’. [Referring to an example he uses of the cat always wanting the next bowl of cream; and that we’d been told we are a cat. Then one day we are shown/ we realize we’re not a cat at all.] It’s from living experience. Because we’ve tried so many things to make this one free, but that has to be dropped. If our foundation itself is based on a lie, then whatever beautiful bricks we put on top of that is not going to help.

That’s why I’ve often said that I don’t have a problem with practice but with the idea of there being a practitioner. So, when we look like that, we see that if our foundation becomes clean from that which is false, then as part of the joy of this living experience, all is allowed to come and go. If someone enjoys mindfulness (like the Buddhist way of mindfulness) we can sit and bring our attention to our breath and do this. If someone enjoys yoga, hatha yoga or pranayama; nothing wrong with it. The only thing that seems to lead to further delusion is the idea of being a practitioner; the idea of being an individual entity. The idea of separation, if it is getting amplified because of anything that we are doing, then best to keep that aside; at least for some time and to see: What are you really at the foundation? Before the thought…, before the most popular thought ‘I am a person’…, what are you? Before we believed the idea of ourselves; what are you before the idea was born? And for that checking, we don’t have to wait for an auspicious moment. This checking is possible to do any time.

Before the idea comes, NOW, right NOW: Who are you?

Are we able to just look? It’s not rocket science. Don’t expect any explosions, any experience. Just it’s a simple looking: Who am I, right now?

[Silence]

This is what You Are.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 9^th October 2016 – Morning]

[Reading from and commenting on the Ashtavakra Gita, Chapter 1, Verse 10]:

You are unbounded Awareness – Bliss, Supreme Bliss – in which the universe appears like the mirage of a snake in a rope. Be happy.

~ ~ ~

A: Okay, reading from verse 10: “You are unbounded Awareness -Bliss, Supreme Bliss…”

[Laughs] Okay, don’t focus on that [Bliss] part at all. [re: the trap of wanting the bliss]

“You are unbounded Awareness – Bliss, Supreme Bliss – in which the universe appears like the mirage of a snake in a rope. Be happy.”

Now, he’s talking about the creation of the universe. Within this unbounded Awareness, we found no limitation, no boundary; we cannot find the location itself for this Awareness. To say that it is bounded in some way then would be false. So, “This unbounded Awareness in which the universe appears like the mirage of a snake in a rope.” So the appearance of Being comes along with this phenomenal realm, or the universe.

But, from the perspective of Awareness, did something really happen…, just because the waking state came? From the perspective of Awareness itself, did something change for it…, between the waking state and the sleep state or the dream state? No, isn’t it? So, you find that these mirages are appearing; this world of appearance, this universe. But from my Utmost, my truest perspective, it is just a mirage, it is a ‘coming and going’. This state is here now (that which we call the waking state)…, it will go. We never know if this kind of realm in this waking state will ever come back.

So, this world of appearances just arises as if it is a mirage. And then to say that ‘I am within this realm of appearances’ is to presume that there is a snake there when actually there is just a rope. So, the realm of appearances is there but I am not an object within this realm of appearances. I continue to be the Awareness Itself, which is the one Witness of this entire realm.

So, the ego does not actually exist. It is just a belief that there was a rope here; and if someone with credibility comes and tells you ‘That’s a snake’ then you will believe that that’s a snake. So, in the same way with the person/the ego has been just like this snake. There has never been a person! But we have taken the phenomenal appearance of this realm to be real; so did not notice that it is a rope. There is no person, no ‘snake’ living inside this rope. You see? It has just been a belief, an idea, a mirage.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8^th October 2016 – Afternoon]

[Reading from and commenting on the Ashtavakra Gita 1.9]:

“A single understanding: ‘I am the One Awareness’ consumes all suffering in the fire of an instant. Be happy.”

~ ~ ~

A: So, the sage says “A single understanding: ‘I am the One Awareness’…”

You see? So this understanding is not a mental understanding. It is this ‘I am Aware’.

“…consumes all suffering in the fire of an instant.”

Now, when we see that ‘I am this Awareness’ then how to make this Awareness suffer now? Impossible! That which is no-thing, how can that suffer?

How can Awareness suffer? How can You suffer?

Q: Only by believing I am something else.

A: Only by believing I am something else. Perfect.

So, the sage says “A single understanding: ‘I am the One Awareness’ consumes all suffering in the fire of an instant.”

So, don’t we see this to be true; right now? I am this Awareness. It is impossible for this no-thing to suffer in any way. So, then all suffering must be a pretense, a make-believe.

How many are feeling that what I’m saying is make-believe, and suffering is real? [Laughs] Because this is when the mind-story will come, you know? ‘This sounds too far out’.

Everyone at least knows now that you have to believe something to suffer. Therefore, make-believe, literally, must be suffering. Without a belief you cannot suffer. Therefore, the power of belief must be needed for suffering to come.

So, like she said ‘I am this Awareness. I cannot suffer in reality, unless I believe myself to be something else. And even the power of belief only comes with this sense of Being. Isn’t it? First I must exist and then I have the power to believe something.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8th October 2016 – Afternoon

Because our habit has become to make this effort to try and sustain personhood, we have come to this point where we start ignoring what is effortless here already. So, we can take a few moments to just check:

What is here that needs no effort?

What is here that needs no thought?

Does my sense of existence now need to be reinforced with some ideas and concepts?

And this which is aware even of existence, is it an effortful awareness?

Keeping it up, are we forcing ourselves to be aware?

And if we were to drop the effort, would we stop being aware?

Are we aware now?

[Silence]

Are you feeling effort when you are asked to follow this instruction? No.

Because that would also be Known.

[Silence]

Only the false needs effort.

[Silence]

You will not get the truth.

You are the truth.

Not one step you have to take.

Not one breath you have to take to come to the truth.

[Silence]

Before your next thought comes, you are the truth.

Before you decide what to do, it is already done.

Therefore, when the sage says ‘Stay here’…, when the sage says ‘Only stay here’…, it only means ‘Don’t go with your mental delusions’. Staying here is not an effortful staying here. It is your most natural state. This is the Self. This is God. This is the Truth.

And just as you’re starting to get used to the silence now (of not speaking) you will get used to this staying here. And as you get used to this staying here, you will find that there is nothing missing in this. There is no lack of any sort. All ideas of wanting something will dissolve.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8^th October 2016 – Morning]

Q: It’s like if someone asks you a question and you say ‘Yes’ on the outside but inside you’re kind of like ‘No, no, I don’t want to do that’. But you’ve said ‘Yes’. It’s like that.

A: Like an energetic resistance. A doubt is like when I say ‘The world is round’. You have a doubt that this is true and you say ‘I read just now somewhere that the latest research says it’s actually not round. It’s egg-shaped.

Q: It could even be without thought. It could even be…

A: Then I would not call it doubt. Doubt is conceptual. What you are then talking about is that there is just this energetic sense of resistance to allow yourself to fall into This.

Q: Yeah, yeah.

A: How about if I call it fear instead of doubt? This fear is very primal, you see?

All of you are getting what I am saying? It is fear or not? There is some fear to fall into this.

Q: Yeah. That’s what I was feeling yesterday. It just comes down to that; everything.

A: And it is because of this primal fear that [Nisargadatta] Maharaj says that ‘Everyone has to go through their death to find their freedom’. And Guruji [Moojiji] has said that ‘You have to die while you’re alive’.

We don’t talk strongly like this often, because I like to keep it light for all of you but: Do you have the commitment to die for this?

Q: Yeah, Father, because it happens anyway, whether I try to avoid it or not. It happens like this anyway, like I have to get back to the hospital and blah, blah, blah… There isn’t really a choice anymore.

A: So, right now, in the allowing yourself to remain empty…, (all of us; allow yourself to remain empty) let the thoughts just come and go and let everything just come and go, even if great resistance comes. Even if it feels like you want to hold onto the floor; don’t. Allow yourself to fall. Allow yourself to die if you have to.

[Silence]

Q: It’s not here right now. It doesn’t seem to come when I’m talking.

A: Then use the opportunity. Use this opportunity to remain open. If the fear is not so strong in satsang, then remain open. Then when it comes outside of satsang also, then you’ll be more used to this emptiness.

This is the main point. [Silence] The point behind all the pointings is this, to bring you to this point of death. And if there is fear, to allow that to come and go. Whatever the thoughts might be saying, allowing that to come and go. And staying with this emptiness.

You’ll find that this urge to go with these thoughts will jump around; that this fear and this urge is actually the same thing. But allow it to just bounce about. You continue in your allowing; not resisting, come what may.

And if it feels easy and light right now, very good, because you carry it about like that. This is how a sage is living; lightness of Being, a simple allowing of all things to come and go.

Q: It feels light but there’s also the fear there as well.

A: Yeah. Let the fear vibrate. Don’t even check too much. Just allow everything to happen. Allow all thoughts also to come and go. Allow your attention to move about naturally wherever it wants. No control over anything. Let go of all sense of control.

[Long Silence]

A: Anything that happens, allow it to happen; inside, outside. If this room catches fire, you don’t leave [this openness]. If the body has to fall, let it fall.

[Long Silence]

A: Say now?

Q: It’s just so small, actually, the stuff you try to make out as huge.

A: Yes, exactly. [Silence] Nothing. It’s not even small; just nothing.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8th October 2016 – Afternoon]

[Ananta reads from the Ashtavakra Gita, Chapter 1, Verse 8]:

The thought ‘I am the doer’ is the bite of a poisonous snake.

To know: “I do nothing” is the wisdom of faith.

Be happy.

~ ~ ~

We talked about the two D’s yesterday, where we said ‘Doership’ is the one of the strongest legs of the ego. And many times…, it’s so funny that it happens even in satsang that someone could come to complete clarity in that moment about who they Are, and they can see that there is no separation actually; all of this is One Being, and they are primarily even the Witnessing of that state of Beingness. And what happens out of their mouth soon after that? ‘Okay, now that this is clear, what do I do now?’ [Chuckles] Isn’t it?

So, now that it is clear that there is no separation, there is only One, all of this is Consciousness, even upon recognition the habit of doership seems to be so strong that very often I hear this in satsang also: ‘Okay, clear now. Now, what do I do?’

So, the ‘snake’ of the mind, the ‘serpent’ (separation/serpent) comes very quickly with this ‘Okay, the sense of person is dissolving but at least let’s try to revitalize it’. Give it that charge; resuscitate the ‘person’ with that electric charge of doership. ‘Okay, now that it’s clear, what should I do now? Should I start sharing satsang? Or start writing a book about my experience of enlightenment?’ You see? Then doership comes again and starts to grab us.

So, the sage says ‘The thought ‘I am the doer’ is the bite of a poisonous snake. To know I do nothing is the wisdom of faith’.

Let’s look at this also a little more closely because this many times also creates confusion. When the sage says ‘I do nothing’…, it does not mean that I take the resolve to do nothing now. ‘We’re just going to sit in bed all day and do nothing’. That is not what the sage is pointing to. Because even to ‘do’ nothing is a sense of doership. ‘I have decided to do nothing today so I’m going to sit in bed all day and do nothing’. But we’re ‘doing’ the sitting in bed; at least pretending to do the sitting in bed. That is still doership.

So, both ends of the spectrum ‘I am doing something’ and ‘I am doing nothing’ are both the pendulum of doership. The neutrality means that we remain the impersonal Being, the unattached Being, that is watching the play of this movie; in whatever way this body has to move, others’ bodies have to move, the mouth has to move.

So, in this neutrality of neither something nor nothing is true non-doership. Just to take this Witnessing perspective is non-doership. And I see, like you see, this hand is moving now. I’m not saying ‘Move left hand, finger one’. [Chuckles] It’s not like that. It’s just happening.

To see this more and more, that ‘I am actually just enjoying this movie and the movie is playing out by itself’. When I was younger, before I met Guruji [Mooji] I did a lot of crazy experiments and I find that they were very useful. So if you find that you have some confusion about this, sit and experiment. To sit and say ‘Okay. I’m just going to witness. And let’s see if some action happens or not’. And I remember a time where I said ‘I’m just going to watch’. And I saw. Email was being sent, all the natural functioning was happening, and truly my perspective was just of the Witnessing of this.

So, we see that when we look like this, without an intent to do or not to do, that is neutrality, that is non-doership. It is not moving from an active state to a passive state. Many, in the recognition of non-doership, in their worldly form before much more active. [Chuckles] So we cannot predict. And many just want to sit [Chuckles] which is also fine. We cannot predict how the movement of these forms will happen upon the recognition that there is no individual doer.

So, ‘I do nothing’ should not translate into some sort of passivity. ‘Oh, I’m not the doer so I have to do nothing now’. That is also very strong doership actually, to say that ‘I’m going to do nothing now’ is also very strong doership. We get attached to us not doing. That is also doership.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 8^th October 2016 – Morning]

Reading and Commenting on the Ashtavakra Gita (1.6)

~ ~ ~

Chapter 1: Instruction on Self-Realization

[1.6] Ashtavakra Said: Right and wrong, pleasure and pain, exist in mind only. They are not your concern. You neither do nor enjoy. You are free.

~ ~ ~

Verse 6. Ashtavakra says ‘Right and wrong, pleasure and pain, exist in mind only. They are not your concern. You neither do, nor enjoy. You are free.’

‘You neither do, nor enjoy.’ What is this one referring to? The non-existent one. ‘Not your concern’ implies the same thing; you don’t even exist. How could any of this be your concern, because you neither do nor enjoy. Same thing we’ve said: ‘Twam Karta, Twam Bhokta’ You are the doer and You are the enjoyer (‘enjoy’ here, by the way, means to experience).

‘Right and wrong’ of course, are just interpretations. ‘Pleasure and pain’…, sometimes also in satsang, we bundle up not only the energy constructs of thoughts but also similar energy constructs like emotions, like these sensations, pleasure and pain; we bundle all of that up sometimes and we say ‘All of that is the mind’ (according to that definition of the mind).

Without right and wrong, all our stories lose their power. Isn’t it? All our judgments, all our difficulties. And all of us have explored this need to be right. It seems to be a very, very primal need of this mythical separate identity; the need to be right. Why? Because its only job has been to prove its existence when it actually doesn’t exist. It needs to be proven right: ‘I DO exist! I AM a person! What do you mean?’ [Chuckles] So, it’s used to this; the need to be right. Often it is said ‘Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?’ And very often in this worldly play, they are on opposing sides. And many times we choose this false sense of self-righteousness over very natural happiness.

So, all this bundle of concepts that we’ve collected about ourself, then we want to protect them through our need to be right. Our refusal to throw them out is our hanging on to the idea that ‘They must be right. I have kept them for a reason’. Suppose you were building a house brick by brick; over 50 years you build this house brick by brick. Then someone comes and says ‘There’s going to be a road going where this house is, so you just have to give it up’. Even if you can afford it, since so much investment has gone into the building of this one, you want to give it some hope. Because so much investment has gone into the [I’m a] ‘cat’ identity, you at least want to give it a decent burial. ‘At least give me something! Give me a halo. [Chuckles] Give me some bliss at least. Something! May I be considered an enlightened person?’ But there is no such thing as an enlightened ‘person’. If you want to be an enlightened cat, then lifetime after lifetime we will have the same conversation in different halls, in different ashrams, [Chuckles] in different physical forms. But you’ll not make it. You’ll play this role over and over again. Because nobody can make an enlightened ‘person’ out of you.

Freedom is from the person. And as God, actually, we are entitled to this play. It’s fine. A million lifetimes is nothing for the Infinite. For the eternal, what is a million lifetimes? Nothing. It’s a blink of an eyelid.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat – 7^th October 2016 – Morning]

This Being, what is the process that it seem to go through? It seems to go through this process of giving belief to all kinds of ideas and therefore carrying this ‘basket’ of the person on Itself. And these ideas can be about the energies that are being experienced; the states of mind, the states of emotion, the states of pain in the body. All of these You can pick up ideas about. So, It seems to play first by diving into the delusion (of ideas, of concepts, of personhood) and using whatever is appearing to dig deeper into the role of personhood.

Everything in this realm can be used as part of the delusion also; just in the same way as it can be part of freedom from the delusion, by inquiring. If we want to go deeper and deeper into personhood (‘He said this, she said this, this energy is coming) it can just reinforce our sense of personhood also.

When the true urge become to drop this delusion, then this process of adding more and more into this basket of personhood starts to drop. Then we start the process of emptying it out; emptying out all these ideas. We look at them; like a rotten apple, we throw it away. We look at the idea; rotten apple, throw it away. So, this process of emptying the basket is happening.

And along with the picking up and the emptying, as part of the design of this play, there will be some energetic movements that will happen. Like love, peace and joy are in service to our unassociated Being. So they will be experienced more and more as these concepts are being emptied out. The so-called darker energies (grief, sorrow, other so-called darker energies with no name) will appear more and more as we’re filling up our basket of concepts, of personhood.

Now, what happened is you filled up. Now, sometimes as you’re emptying it out, then also some energy wants to play out. It wants to play out because that is also getting released. So, let that unfold on its own. This is very good.

So, this seeming process of getting into the delusion and getting free from the delusion, it happens very naturally in this play. And along with that, all of this energetic movement also plays out.

That is the only evolution actually. It is not that Consciousness now fundamentally changes in any way from where it started out; because God is always the Supreme Being. It cannot get more Supreme in any way. It is fully Supreme. So, it cannot evolve to a higher level. It can only pretend as it is playing at a lower level and then drop all the pretenses and come back to Its Absolute Supreme-ness.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 7^th October 2016 – Morning]

A: Tell me something that is true right now.

Q: The only thing that is true is that I am very aware that I’m here.

A: Yes.

Q: I don’t know where I’m at but I know I’m here because I’m perceiving everything.

A: Is there something missing in this?

Q: Like what?

A: Is there something that is still feeling like ‘I need to get somewhere’ or ‘I’m not getting something’?

Q: No. It’s just deepening.

A: What would deepening mean?

Q: It just feels like Grace is taking the last bits of attachments away, especially with self-consciousness and the body having all the intense pain. And the tears came earlier but I didn’t feel identified. But I felt the pain, too. So it was trying to understand how that is. But just watching everything and perceiving everything, knowing that I’m looking from a different place.

A: Good. Very good. So, there can be a sense of compassion which comes for the pain that is here without us even picking up the idea that ‘I am a suffer-er’. Isn’t it? So, love can be directed towards pain. We’re not to try and resist pain and push it away. We can direct love towards it. And we can direct attention towards it also. There’s no problem with that. We’re not to resist it in any way. We’re only not buying into the idea that there is somebody here individually that is a suffer-er.

Pain is experienced by Consciousness Itself; that which I Am. This is what It is experiencing Itself to be right now.

Q: A question comes up ‘Who is crying?’ Because…, is it just the body crying?

A: Yes. Crying is also appearing. The pain can have this effect. So, is it just like a normal crying which is happening as a result of pain in the body?

Q: I think it was just a release when you allowed me to acknowledge that there was pain; and the tears came. It was more of a relief.

A: Yes. Somewhere we might have the sense that the pain that is there, you must push it away or…

Q: I’m not pushing. I’m just allowing everything because that’s why I’m here.

A: Very good, very good.

Q: Just letting everything dissolve.

A: And in this allowing, even in this pain, (this is what we were talking about earlier) in this allowing the pain is experienced; but it is still not what we would call suffering because we’re not picking up the idea of there being a suffer-er.

Q: Yeah. There’s no story. I’m not giving it a story.

A: Yes.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 7^th October 2016 – Afternoon]

A: What is it that you find Here when you look Now?

Q: [Silence] I just find Presence of mySelf, my own Self. I don’t find any God.

A: This Presence, this ‘I Am-ness’, this Consciousness is God. God said ‘I Am that I Am’.

Q: Why should we call it ‘God’?

A: This is a very good question. Because God is what? That which is everywhere. Isn’t it? One of the aspects, when people talk about God, they say ‘God is everywhere’. Now you find whether (of anything that you’re experiencing) whether anything is outside of this Presence.

This voice that you’re hearing, is it inside this Presence or outside this Presence?

Q: Inside the Presence.

A: This body that you see outside, this room that you see outside, the world that you see outside… is it inside this Presence or outside this Presence? Is it experienced inside you or outside of you?

Q: Inside.

A: Therefore, this Presence, in which everything is appearing and disappearing, That is everywhere; or actually, everywhere is within That.

Q: Yes.

A: Isn’t it? Okay, so, that it one aspect of God. So, if This Presence is everywhere, then that is God-like (at least in that way, that It Is everywhere).

Second, they say that God is the principal that brings everything to life. Now, in your direct experience, is it not true that: First I Am. And then this world is? Is there ever a world without this ‘I Am’?

Q: No.

A: You see? So it is This, Your Presence, that gives light to the appearance of your waking state, of this appearing world. So, That which gives light to the appearance of the world, That is God.

So, It Is everywhere. It is That which gives life to the entire world. Then what else must God be?

Q: [Silence]

A: It is Omnipresent, Omniscient and (let’s see) all powerful. [Omnipotent] So, if God (as we discussed in the morning) is the one doer and the one experiencer, then who is the only one with power? Only this Consciousness. No? So, this Being is the one doer and the one experiencer, this Being is everywhere, this Being is all-powerful, then which attribute of God does not match your Being?

Q: Sat-Chit-Ananda. [Truth-Consciousness-Bliss]

A: Very good. So, he says that ‘Sat’ [Truth] is clear. ‘Sat’ is there. No problem…

Q: ‘Ananda’ [Bliss] is the problem.

A: ‘Ananda’ is the problem. ‘Sat’ is there. ‘Chit’ is there. Chit is Consciousness Itself, Beingness Itself.

Q: Yes.

A: The trouble is ‘Ananda’. [Laughter in the room]

The way to get Ananda is to remain with ‘Sat’ and ‘Chit’. Just remain with ‘Sat’ and ‘Chit’.

[Truth and Consciousness/Presence/Beingness] Don’t pick up any other idea. Then you show me how Ananda does not come.

Ananda, Joy, is only in service to your unassociated Being. You see? If you’re not confusing your ‘Chit’ [Consciousness/Presence/Beingness] to be a person, if you’re not burdening it with false ideas, then love, peace, joy, Anandi Ananda…[ Silence] It is in service to you.

You are not to be in service to joy. Your position is the Master of joy, not the servant of joy. If you keep chasing love, peace, joy then they keep running. You stay as Being. Then you tell me if it doesn’t come.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 7^th October 2016 – Afternoon]

Q: In satsang, with you, with Guruji, one can see or understand that ‘No, I’m not a thing. I’m not a thing. I Am, but I’m not a thing’. And you can also see that the Presence or whatever is also unidentified anyway; it’s just Presence. And you feel the Presence of God when you’re there. You feel ‘Here He Is!’ Because you know God inside yourself.

A: So, is ‘Here He Is’ (which is very beautiful, of course) more accurate? Or ‘Here I Am’ more accurate?

Q: ‘Here He Is’.

A: That’s more accurate?

Q: When you’re there with Mooji or in this Presence, you feel the Presence of God. There, you recognize it instantly, you know? You recognize it. [Pause] There is still some separation sometimes; yeah.

A: Well, let’s look at it. The outer form of the Guru is the most transparent form of your reflection of your innermost Being; is the most beautiful reflection of your innermost Being; most clear reflection of your innermost Being. But even the outer form of the Guru ultimately is a reflection. It is your own God-Presence which is being reflected.

So, this Being…, ‘Here He Is’ …, is pointing you to ‘Here I Am’. The Satguru is this ‘I Am-ness’ Itself. Unassociated.

That is why it is a mirror. It is still a reflection.

[Silence]

Q: I just want to stay with that …

A: It’s very good.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 7^th October 2016 – Morning]

Q: Just wanted to confirm something. It’s like just resting on this very obvious ‘I Am’ and this all [that I] have to do. But it’s like then you imagine ‘I am with this’ and then you create your own self-created obstacle and try to come out. And it felt like so many times before also, because this concept (whatever) more of this comes and then you create that concept and try to visualize and try to come out of that concept. But it’s very obvious but then there’s a tendency to create these concepts or pick up concept from satsang or something, and then have a discussion and creating that and then trying to visualize or work it out. But it’s all …

A: So, this ‘I Am’ is obvious for who?

Q: [Silence] I don’t know who.

A: So, what do you mean when you say it is very obvious? Can you elaborate on that?

Q: It’s like just resting on this sense of ‘I Am-ness’.

A: It’s not like ‘So, what’s the big deal in that?’ It’s not like that?

Q: I don’t know whether it’s coming from arrogance or…

A: Because this ‘I Am’ is all there is. It is the Lord of this Universe. So when it is tasted in Its pure Presence, the mind will use whatever it can to try and resist the tasting of this. That’s why I want to look at this with you and see whether this sense of ‘obvious’ is coming from the sense of simplicity of it [like] ‘It is just here. I just Am’. Or are you making a conclusion about it? (which could be a mind trick, saying ‘This is so obvious and why are we doing all of this’).

Q: I don’t know. I feel a kind of ease here…, because when it comes from concept it’s not.

A: So, with this ‘I Am’ you are absolutely right; a complete sense of ease. Now, how does the coming of a concept break this ease or change this ease?

Q: It’s like a false belief of something lacking at that moment that creates the obstacle.

A: Even if belief goes to something, does it affect the ‘I Am’ in reality? Or it only seems to?

Q: It just seems to.

A: It only seems to. [Silence] So you see there is nothing lacking or missing in the Beingness. Isn’t it?

Q: Until and unless I assume there is something missing there is nothing missing.

A: Yes, yes. That’s what I’m checking. So, even after the assumption, it only seems like something (some lack) came. But in actuality, it never happened.

Q: Yeah, but when it comes there is like a major pull for that; we can say attachment (although I don’t want to discuss about that. At the moment, it’s not there, so…)

A: Very good. So, what can happen sometimes is that there can be this idea which can try to hang onto this sense of ‘I Am’ itself and then when your attention is going to other places then it can seem ‘No, no. Now you’re getting out of ‘I Am’ or something like this. And then this can evolve into the checker guy, which is constantly then monitoring your progress and then saying where it is.

So, forget about this one. ‘I Am’ is Here. It is not going anywhere. In this moment, all that is needed is to not buy any concept. Even if it is bought; This Moment, don’t buy the next one. That’s why the ‘conveyor belt’ example is so good. It’s all displayed. It doesn’t matter what you ate earlier.

Is there a voice that is checking and reporting on your state, and are you believing that voice?

Q: Not at the moment.

A: Very good.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 7^th October 2016 -Morning]

Q: So, when the ‘I Am’ wants to experience Itself as limitation and it wants to experience existence through senses then that’s where you need to perform the actions. Because as the limited body, I need to feed and clothe it so I will need to do certain things to make that happen, right? And then the sensory enjoyments; this is the difficult one for me. I think even the suffering is what That one wants to experience, to know what it feels like.

A: Very good. Yes, this is difficult for many. But it’s completely true. It’s completely true, that even the suffering is being experienced because it is our will to experience it. This ‘I Am’ wants a taste of this suffering because it wants a taste of all contrasts. That’s why often I take this example (which is not very palatable. It can seem repulsive to some who are sensitive like this). In this realm of experience, all contrasts are available. If there are sages, there are also serial killers, axe murderers. Are they not Consciousness? They are. So, this is One Consciousness that is playing in all dual ways; good and bad, truth and lies. And we do not actually know what makes good, good. Just that, in this play on this realm, it seems like there’s an internal compass of some sort that guides us towards that which is good. Even a child knows that lying is wrong somehow, even if they’ve not learned it from their parents. It’s the programming of this realm. But for Consciousness, which is the impersonal experiencer, it tastes all the sugar and spice of this experience actually.

So, you are absolutely right that Consciousness experiencing Itself, wanting to play in a limited form, as if it is a body/mind complex, is then conscious of this ‘being a person’. It then gives it these ‘two D’s’. The ‘D’ of desire and the ‘D’ of doership. These are the main two ‘D’s’. ‘What’s in it for me? What’s in it for me?’ Every situation we go into ‘What’s in it for me?’ And not only ‘What’s in it for me?’ but ‘Me first. And if possible, me only’. [Chuckles]

We’ve also heard in the sangha that it’s most irritating ‘If somebody in the sangha seems to be getting it but I am not getting it. If nobody else is getting it, it’s fine by me’. [Laughs] So, not only only ‘What’s in it for me?’ but ‘Me first. And me only, if possible’. It’s true. That’s how it operates, the mind. So, the maha-mantra of the mind is ‘What’s in it for me?’ which means desire.

Then, when this one seems to abate in this way, then ‘What should I do? What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?’…, ‘What did I do? Why did I do? Why did she do?’ You see? Doership, doership, doership.

These two are the two main legs of the ego; desire and doership. Just like this. That’s is why, although these things which you are discovering are so obvious, there’s a lot of investment that has gone into our doership.

Also, there can be investment in others’ doership. We had one come to Guruji [Mooji] once, and she said ‘Yes. It seems pretty clear to me that I don’t exist. But I just can’t fathom that my husband doesn’t exist’. You see? So, very often it can be like this, that we seem to drop the idea that ‘I am the doer’ but it still seems like everybody else around me is the doer. So that then more and more feeds our victim identity…, all our guilt and pride. Those who are attracted to guilt will say ‘Oh, yes, yes. All the good things that happen to me, God is doing. But all these bad things, I am the doer of them’. So we feel guilty. Those who are attracted to pride will take credit for all the good stuff, and when one bad thing happens (supposedly-bad thing happens) they go to God crying ‘Why are You doing this to me?!’ So, all of this is stuck; guilt, regret, remorse, pride…, all of these are made up of this idea (false idea) of doership.

Once doership goes, then the ego cannot survive for too long. Once we see that there is nobody that is the doer, or there is One doer which is Consciousness (same thing) then you see that it’s like the oxygen mask has been taken off from the ego; the nutrition of doership has been deprived.

It’s very good. I’m very happy, looking like this.

Just to put it simply: The video game is in your head when you’re able to relate to the character. So you put on the video game ‘James Bond’s Missions’. But if the voice doesn’t come and say ‘Mr. Bond, your mission is…’ you cannot relate to the character. Same with this voice which is saying ‘This is what you have to do’. This is the ‘You are the doer’ and with that we get attached to this idea of being ‘Mr. Bond’. We want to do this.

Now, as doership is dropping and we see that this play, this game is moving on its own you’ll find a great sense of ease will come; because it seemed like this great burden of doership which has been carried. Then you just find the hand moving on its own. Mind comes post-facto and says ‘Oh, you moved this hand’. Even if it [thought] comes before, actually it has no way to move the hand. A thought cannot fire a neuron. [Chuckles] How do you move your hand? It only becomes a thought.

So, with this, then this becomes a very enjoyable play that we are watching. A beautiful play; without all of this pride, guilt, remorse, regret.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 7^th October 2016 – Morning]

[Reading from & commenting on Ashtavakra Gita 1.4]

He [Ashtavakra] says: “Abide in Awareness with no illusion of person. You will be instantly free and at peace.”

Now, he has said that ‘You are Awareness alone’ in the previous verse. He said ‘You are Awareness alone’. Now, why is he saying ‘Abide in Awareness’?  But I am Awareness alone. No? If I’m Awareness, then why do I need to abide in it?

This is a question you must ask the sage: What’s going on? You say ‘I am Awareness alone’ then you say ‘Abide in Awareness’. What does it mean?’

So, he has clarified this. He says ‘With no illusion of person’.

What does this mean? It’s very simple, actually. Some of us, we have children. When we play with the children, the child might say ‘Let’s play doctor/doctor’. So, we pick up the pretense of being a doctor while we continue to be who we are.

So, we’ve picked up the pretense of being a person while we’ve always continued in reality to be Awareness alone.

Therefore, the abidance in the Self or the abidance in Awareness only means not to pick up the pretense of personhood.

Right now, in this moment, you don’t have the pretense of personhood. You don’t have it.

You are free. Right now, you are free! You are [Laughs] unless you pick up the pretense by picking up the next thought.

Show me how you are bound without buying a thought. Show me how you are suffering without buying your next thought.

That’s why Papaji [HWL Poonja] said that ‘We need nothing for this natural happiness; but we need something to be unhappy’. What does it mean? It only means this.

So, this is the bad habit that we are here to ‘cure’. This is the ‘rehab’ for this habit.

[Silent Retreat with Ananta-7^th October 2016-Morning]

Reading and Commenting on the Ashtavakra Gita (1.5)

~ ~ ~

Chapter 1: Instruction on Self-Realization

[1.5] Ashtavakra said: You have no caste or duties. You are invisible, unattached, formless. You are the Witness of all things. Be happy.

~ ~ ~

Then the sage says ‘You have no caste or duties. You are invisible, unattached, formless. You are the Witness of all things. Be happy.’

So, we must remember that these words were written many years ago where something called the caste system was prevalent in the country. It sounds a bit archaic now. So, let’s look at the contemporary way to look at this. ‘You have no caste’. If you have no separation, no attributes; there is no distinguishing between what we are; we are One. Not only are we One, also in the phenomenal play, we are the same. So, we are not distinguishable. And neither do we have duties because we are not the doers in the first place. That which we have presumed ourself to be; if that doesn’t exist, how can it do something?

Imagine some person. Imagine any person. Give it all kinds of attributes. Really, do it. Imagine some person. [Silence] Color it up nicely. Give it all kinds of character. Imagined? Everybody has a person in their imagination? Yes or no? [Chuckles] Now ask that person to give you a glass of water. Can they give it to you? You cannot ask that one to pick up this glass of water and give it to you. Although this again sounds trivial, this is what we’re doing every day! We imagine ourself to be a person, and then we are saying ‘Okay, what should I do?’ When we say ‘What should I do?’ we’re talking about this mythical, imaginary person. So that which does not exist cannot do anything. That one cannot lift a blade of grass; forget a glass of water. That’s why this sense of doership is false. All of this is one movement in Consciousness.

Even science is coming to this conclusion; that every energy level of a single atom, position of a single atom, changes all other atoms in the universe. So, everything is so deeply interconnected. Even in the realm of science we are understanding these things. What is moving is moving on its own.

So, the sage said ‘You have no caste or duties’. We looked at this duties part. This ‘duties’ here implies ‘doer’. You are not the doer.

‘You are invisible, unattached, formless. You are the Witness of all things.’ This invisible is different from our usual idea of invisible, because our usual idea of invisible is like ‘The Invisible Man’ or ‘Mr. India’. He has a watch, rolls the dial and he become invisible. But he still has some attribute. It’s just that his physical attribute is not seen. But he has weight; when he slaps somebody, that one feels it. This invisible is not that one.

This means that you are attribute-less. You have no color, shape, size which you can say about yourself phenomenally. And again I say, here is where the mind fails.

[Lost audio]

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat – 7^th October 2016 – Morning]

Q: Awareness Itself knows Itself…

A: How do you know this?

Q: Because like you just explained, I need my eyes to see an object or something but I don´t need any senses to perceive my own Beingness.

A: Yes. But even to say ‘Beingness’ already implies that there is a sense of Presence, a sense of Being. You are aware of the sense of Being. So, there is a qualitative distinction (although the distinction is not real) there is a seeming qualitative distinction between Consciousness and that which is aware even of Consciousness. Isn´t it?

Q: So, this knowing is still knowing.

A: [Laughing] Yes, yes.

Q: No? If I need something else to know Knowing then …, I don´t feel that I need someone else to come to confirm my own existence or Presence to me.

A: Yes, yes.

Q: Maybe something else but I need anyone …

A: So, leave Presence also behind.

Q: So, my knowing …

A: You say ‘I am aware of Presence’. You see? So, ‘aware of’ keeps changing. That is the content. So, leave the ‘Of’. You say ‘I am aware’. What does this already mean?

Q: I Know.

A: You Know. And the ‘I’ that knows this, is which one?

Q: Knowing ‘I’ … knowing of things …

A: Are you saying that this ‘I’ is Knowingness Itself?

Q: This ‘I’ is Knowingness Itself. If I say ‘but’ then it´s like Ashtavakra was just saying that the glimpse of this, that ‘I am this Knowing and Awareness’…, and any amount of thoughts are not going to change that. But when the attachment is coming, the feeling of Knowing seems to get lost; not always. The attention is moved off basically.

A: Okay, attention moved. So, what happens to Knowing?

Q: It´s still …, it´s there. It knows …

A: What is at the backdrop? Even to say ‘Attention moved on’ don´t we have the Knowingness of this? All else is changing, but the backdrop remains the same, isn´t it?

Q: Just now when you ask this question ‘What is this attachment?’ to know detachment I must [inaudible]… I really looked and I sat. ‘What is this attachment?’ Attachment is just to be happy.

A: Attachment to be happy, yes.

Q: The attachment is to happiness, always to happiness.

A: And that gives us the most unhappiness.

Q: Yes. [Laughing]

A:  [Laughing] You see.

Q: The attachment is to the happiness.

A: Okay. Let´s go into this. To say that ‘something is mine’ is how attachment is normally understood, isn´t it? But this ‘mine’ implies that there is a ‘me’. And we label it (in this realm of constantly changing appearances) we try to hold on to something saying ‘this is mine’ or ‘this is me’. This is foolishness, because everything in this phenomenal realm is constantly changing. What will last? You see? We don´t even know for sure that it is this body that will wake up tomorrow morning. So, attachment to objects in this phenomenal realm is sheer foolishness because already we know that it is changing. Everything is constantly changing. You see?

Then as we dig deeper we find out ‘What are our greatest attachments?’ And you can find them our right now. What are you most fearful about? You say ‘Everything is okay but this should not happen to me’. These are your greatest attachments. And it`s pure ignorance because that which you are saying should not happen is going to happen one day. So, attachment is to label something as ‘me’ or ‘mine’ …, when it is not [me or mine]. It is part of the play of Consciousness; the movement of Consciousness.

So, we say that ‘I want control over my life’ which means that ‘My life should only have certain states and the state I would like is …’ You know? It´s as if we place an order in a restaurant. ‘I would like the state of happiness please’.  And life says ‘No’. [Giggles]

So, freedom is not a state. Freedom must be the allowing of all states to come and go. Now that (funnily enough) is happiness. We are not even concerned with happiness; that is happiness. When we attach ourselves to only a certain state ‘I want happiness. I want joy. I want bliss. I want enlightenment. I want freedom’…, these are just ideas. As if life will dance to the tunes of the non-existent one. Because the ‘I’ that wants these things, we cannot even find it. And the ‘I’ that is here we constantly deny. So, this is the up-side-down-world of the mind, you see. The ‘I’ that wants something, that we cannot find. The true ‘I’ which is always here, that we refuse to look at. Isn´t it?

So, she says that ‘I am that Knowingness itself’. How many of you would agree?  Very good. So, when the question was asked ‘How is Knowledge to be achieved?’ this is what we are talking about. And also the concept ‘I am Knowingness’ or ‘I am Awareness’ (which is the same thing) will not help us. It has to be seen Now, Now.

Who is witnessing all of this?

Who is the witness of everything that has an attribute?

What is that?

So, that´s why I´ve been giving you these questions to make it simpler. I ask you ‘Are you aware now?’ You say ‘Yes’.

And who is aware of this Awareness?

[Silence]

Don´t let your mind come in now and say now ‘But this is too abstract, too confusing’. It is very direct. You say ‘I am aware’. Isn’t it?

So, who is this ‘I’ that is aware?

[Silence]

Is the one sitting next to you telling you ‘You are aware’?

[Silence]

No, it is Known.

But is it a concept? No.

[Silence]

This is the unchanging Truth of who You Are.

You say ‘In sleep state, there is nothing’. I say ‘But there is an ‘I’ to know that there is nothing? Otherwise are you just making it up’.

[Silence]

You say ‘I woke up at 7am’. What changed? What is the change that happened? Is it only that objects appear? Or is there something more fundamental that changed? Many times we say we wake up, but we didn´t open up our eyes; nothing was experienced sensorally; no object was sensed. Then what has changed between sleep state and waking state? There is the birth of the sense that I exist, I Am.

So now, the state changed, okay? So, suppose it´s like we are looking at a window and it was dark and suddenly there was light. If you were not there to look at it, would you be able to report this change? No, nah?

So, if there is nothing in sleep and there is a sense ‘I Am’ in the waking state there must be this ‘I’, which is the primal witness of this change, which exists throughout. So, this ‘I’ which does not sleep or wake up, is This Awareness, is This Knowingness Itself.

I am giving you all of these pointers. But don´t take any of them as concepts. Use them to check for yourself.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta – 7^th October 2016 – Morning Satsang]

Reading and Commenting on the Ashtavakra Gita (1.4)

~ ~ ~

Chapter 1: Instruction on Self-Realization

[1.4] Ashtavakra said:  Abide in Awareness with no illusion of person. You will be instantly free and at peace.

~ ~ ~

So, the sage said ‘Abide in Awareness with no illusion of person’. So, right now, personhood is a pure pretense. That ‘I exist personally’ is just an idea. For three years now, I’ve had a bet in satsang; you show me the person and I give you a $1,000. I have not lost a $1,000 yet and I’m becoming more and more confident every day. [Chuckles] Why? Because sometimes we keep hearing these things these days, it’s so easily available. Earlier a sage will tell you ‘Come. Stay in my ashram 20 years then I will tell you one verse’. Like this. But here, every day we hear ‘You are not the person. You are not the person’. So, it’s like ‘Yeah, I know, I know, I’m not the person’. Do we realize what it means?

You are not a person! What are you then? Really!? We’re not speaking of some mythical stories; fairy tales. There is no person here. There is an appearance of a body here, but this body doesn’t want freedom; this body is not concerned about special relationship; money. Body wants? Who is this one? We cannot find this one. You see? It’s a myth. It’s the idea of separation which never really happened.

So, can we at least make a deal, that til you find this person you will not believe in its existence? Fair deal? No? Fair? Or No? You don’t look so convinced. [Chuckles] It’s very scientific. Til we find the existence of this separate entity, at least til then, can we not give it our belief?

What is the trouble? The trouble is this one has a very good lawyer. The non-existent one, in this play, in this leela of personhood, has a very good lawyer called the mind. It says ‘I want this. But, but, but…, what about this? What about this?’ Right now it is saying all kinds of things. Who is it representing? You ask it ‘Where is the client?’ Why do you need a voice to speak to yourself? [Silence] We don’t ask these fundamental questions. If it is my voice, then what it is telling me, I already know. Why do I need this voice to speak to myself? If it is Known, why do you need this mind saying ‘I want this, I want this, I want freedom, I want peace, I want happiness’. Who is it talking to? We picked up the wrong number and it goes on speaking to us, and we don’t ask ‘Who is speaking?’ Either question. At least ask one of the two.

So, this is the habit that we are here to look at. In this moment, can we allow this voice to just come and go? Can we not resist anything at all? And with this simple looking, we will not pick up this illusion of being a person. That’s why I say ‘If you don’t want to see God pretending to be a person, don’t believe your next thought’. If you want to see God pretending to be a person, believe your next thought.

The trouble with that is that the ego also likes this. God. [Chuckles]

‘Abide in Awareness with no illusion of person. You will be instantly free and at peace.’

Everything is just so absolute, you see? If you just abide in Awareness with no illusion of person, you will be instantly free and at peace. Done!

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat – – 7^th October 2016 – Morning]

Q: Just wanted to confirm something. It’s like just resting on this very obvious ‘I Am’ and this all [that I] have to do. But it’s like then you imagine ‘I am with this’ and then you create your own self-created obstacle and try to come out. And it felt like so many times before also, because this concept (whatever) more of this comes and then you create that concept and try to visualize and try to come out of that concept. But it’s very obvious but then there’s a tendency to create these concepts or pick up concept from satsang or something, and then have a discussion and creating that and then trying to visualize or work it out.

A: So, this ‘I Am’ is obvious for who?

Q: [Silence] I don’t know who.

A: So, what do you mean when you say it is very obvious? Can you elaborate on that?

Q: It’s like just resting on this sense of ‘I Am-ness’.

A: It’s not like ‘So, what’s the big deal in that?’ It’s not like that?

Q: I don’t know whether it’s coming from arrogance or…

A: Because this ‘I Am’ is all there is. It is the Lord of this Universe. So when it is tasted in Its pure Presence, the mind will use whatever it can to try and resist the tasting of this. That’s why I want to look at this with you and see whether this sense of ‘obvious’ is coming from the sense of simplicity of it [like] ‘It is just here. I just Am’. Or are you making a conclusion about it? (which could be a mind trick, saying ‘This is so obvious and why are we doing all of this’).

Q: I don’t know. I feel a kind of ease here…, because when it comes from concept it’s not.

A: So, with this ‘I Am’ you are absolutely right; a complete sense of ease. Now, how does the coming of a concept break this ease or change this ease?

Q: It’s like a false belief of something lacking at that moment that creates the obstacle.

A: Even if belief goes to something, does it affect the ‘I Am’ in reality? Or it only seems to?

Q: It just seems to.

A: It only seems to. [Silence] So you see there is nothing lacking or missing in the Beingness. Isn’t it?

Q: Until and unless I assume there is something missing there is nothing missing.

A: Yes, yes. That’s what I’m checking. So, even after the assumption, it only seems like something (some lack) came. But in actuality, it never happened.

Q: Yeah, but when it comes there is like a major pull for that; we can say attachment (although I don’t want to discuss about that. At the moment, it’s not there, so…)

A: Very good. So, what can happen sometimes is that there can be this idea which can try to hang onto this sense of ‘I Am’ itself and then when your attention is going to other places then it can seem ‘No, no. Now you’re getting out of ‘I Am’ or something like this. And then this can evolve into the checker guy, which is constantly then monitoring your progress and then saying where it is.

So, forget about this one. ‘I Am’ is Here. It is not going anywhere. In this moment, all that is needed is to not buy any concept. Even if it is bought; This Moment, don’t buy the next one. That’s why the ‘conveyor belt’ example is so good. It’s all displayed. It doesn’t matter what you ate earlier.

Is there a voice that is checking and reporting on your state, and are you believing that voice?

Q: Not at the moment.

A: Very good.

~ ~ ~

[Silent Retreat with Ananta –  Satsang 1 – Day 1]