Don't Believe

Your Next Thought

Ananta

2015 Sangha of Being

About Ananta

Ananta gives satsang with the blessings of his Master, Mooji. He lives in Bangalore, India with his wife and son and daughter. He offers in-person satsangs twice monthly in Bangalore and occasionally in Pune, India.

On-line satsangs on Youtube with Google Hangout and Youtube chat participation are offered Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 11 am and Tuesday and Thursday at 4:30 pm Bangalore, India time.

Links

Satsang with Ananta Youtube channel and satsang link is:

www.youtube.com/channel/UCmc83jyrwpCNBT2xywXVoLg/feed

Website:

www.anantasatsang.org

Facebook:

www.facebook.com/satsangwithananta

This book is a compilation of short, poignant talks taken from online satsangs with Ananta, from November 2014 through end of October 2015. Please read all “in quotes” as questions and comments from those attending satsang.

Transcribed and collected with love by the Sangha, in deepest love and gratitude to Anantaji (nicknamed ‘Father’ by some), as an offering to all who seek Truth and Freedom from suffering through these simple pointings.

Preface

CORE ASPECTS OF WHAT WE SPEAK ABOUT IN SATSANG

Let me share some core aspects of what we speak about here. When I come into satsang, there are usually three different questions that come.

The first question, the most common question that comes is: ‘I want to be free from my suffering. How do I put an end to my suffering?’ That is the first, most basic question that most Beings who come to satang can have. And to be free from suffering is the simplest thing. But if you're here for the first time, we can look at it in some detail.

You cannot suffer without believing a thought. So when a thought arises, You'll see that a thought just arises. You can wait for your next thought to confirm this; and You'll see that thought is just arising. And when a thought arises, you will see that there are two forces that interact with this thought.

The first is the force of your attention; is the power of attention. This attention, when it goes to the thought, then the thought seems like it is real. If it [attention] doesn't go to the thought, then the thought just comes and goes.

Therefore most sadhanas in the world are focused on controlling this attention. So, when [Nisargadatta] Maharaj said ‘Stay. Give your attention only to the sense I Am’ he was referring to keeping the attention, giving an anchor to the attention, in the Presence. ‘Keep the attention in the Presence’. All sadhanas, whether you look at mindfulness, meditation, all these practices, most of them are focused on keeping your attention at a particular place, trying to give you some mastery over your attention.

But if you were to look, you would find that just because of giving attention, also you cannot suffer. It also needs another force, another power, called the power of belief. Even if attention goes to the thought, unless it gets your belief, it causes no suffering.

So, what I suggest is: Just withdraw your belief from your next thought.

Belief seems like it is much more simple to handle than attention is, because the more you try to control attention, the more it wants to jump around.

So, if I say ‘Don't bring your attention to a monkey’ then very quickly [the thought of] a monkey will appear. So attention is not that easy to control. But if I say ‘Don't believe that you are a monkey’ that is much easier.

So, let attention also go to thoughts if you want, let attention go completely free; just don't give belief to your next thought.

And in this not giving belief to your next thought, you cannot show me suffering. Unless you believe some other thought like ‘Belief is going automatically’ or some other thought like this, you cannot show me suffering.

In this, you will find so much space and the ability to contemplate into your True nature.

When we are just constantly attracted to our thoughts and our attention and belief, and just consumed by thought, then there is no room for further contemplation. So, first, some amount of freedom is gotten from these thoughts. These thoughts don't seem so powerful now after you've withdrawn your belief from them. They get their power from your own attention and belief.

So, this was the first question: ‘How can I end my suffering?’ The end of your suffering is just not believing your next thought.

Then, you say: ‘Yes. I have lost my ability to suffer. All thoughts are just coming and going. I'm not resisting anything at all. So, I have lost my ability to suffer, but can you show me God?’

‘Can you show me God?’ And my response to that question is: ‘Yes’.

Can you stop being now?

And in looking at this question: ‘Can I stop being now?’ you will find that the Presence of Being is here. It cannot be stopped.

That's why this short cut is here. If I were to say ‘Go and find your Being’ then you will say that ‘Oh, it gets confused. It feels like this and feels like that’.

But when I say ‘Can you stop being now? Can you turn it off?’ then you say ‘No. This Presence is here. You cannot turn it off. This Presence that I am, that I exist, is here’.

So, this Presence is Consciousness, is God, is Beingness, in the light of which this entire Universe comes into play. Your own holy Presence, your own Atma, is Consciousness.

Then, lastly, someone might come and say: ‘Can you tell me about the Absolute, the Self?’

And don't worry so much about the definitions. If your definition of God is the Absolute Self, that is absolutely fine. Don't worry; it's not about the definitions.

Someone could come and say: ‘Can you show me the Absolute Self, the Absolute Truth?’

And for this, we have this question: ‘Are you aware now?’

And you see that you are aware, and yet no phenomenal experience was required; not even the Presence of Being. And to be able to confirm that awareness is here, it was the Awareness itself that checks.

So, this is Awareness being aware of Itself.

Awareness being aware of Awareness.

These are the main three questions that any spiritual seeker could have. And then, another simple pointing for you is that there are two A’s.

there's the big ‘A’…………Awareness.

And there's the small ‘a’……… appearance.

All that is appearing phenomenally we call the appearance; the thoughts, emotions, the body, another person, the external world, the stars in the sky, the sun and the moon: everything is appearing to This Awareness.

And in the absence, if this Awareness was not there, then you would not be able to have any appearance.

So, this Awareness is ever-present. It is the Eternal One, the Unmoving, Unchanging One; which is aware of something and of nothing; of appearance and of no appearance. Something and nothing; thought and no-thought; of mind and no-mind; of waking and of sleep.

This Awareness You Are.

But anytime you give your belief to something which says ‘You are just an appearance’ then you are picking up this ‘pretend’ suffering.

So, that is the core of the teaching, the core of what is being pointed to.

[Silence]

November 2014

NOVEMBER 10

WHAT DOES THE STATEMENT ‘YOU ARE NOT A PERSON’ MEAN?

“One of the big ones for me that I really kind of get caught up on, and then probably get annoyed about and feel like I'm falling behind, is this idea of the ‘person’, that ‘you are not a person’. I read about it, I hear about it, and get absolutely, totally confused and not understanding what it's about basically. And I feel like I want to understand that, at least to a point so I can relax and keep moving forward, I guess.”

This is very good. I'm very happy you say this. Because you have resisted some peer pressure, Isn't it? All of us keep talking about this and it seems like the most obvious thing; you always say ‘You are not a person’ and everybody seems to get it. But I'm so happy that you're able to ask with so much integrity and honesty. This itself is very good.

Why do we say ‘person’? You must have heard Regina or any other Course in Miracles teachers, or anybody else, maybe even Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] talk about the ego, Isn't it?

So what would happen initially when I would say ‘ego’, then everyone would say, ‘Oh, yeah. I spot it. I see the ego and the ego is leaving now’. You see? It's very easy to create [inaudible] from the ego. Everybody is saying ‘I am becoming free from the ego now. I am free from the ego now’. The ego seems like a negative connotation and it's easy to say that ‘I am no longer egoistic’. So, when I used to use the word ‘ego’ then it used to create this false target of taking the negative aspects of who we believe ourselves to be and creating a distance from it. So, egoistic would mean very arrogant, very angry, something, something like that. Our mind would paint this picture of ego and say ‘I'm not arrogant, and therefore I am not egoistic’. That's what most people would hear when I would say ego.

But then we realized that it is better to use the term ‘person’. Instead of saying ego, (actually, it means the same thing), but instead of saying ‘ego’ it is better to say ‘person’. Because only the rare one says that ‘I have seen that I'm not a person’. Most will say ‘I am not the ego’ but only a rare one says ‘I am not a person’. But actually it means the same thing.

The Course [in Miracles], Regina also, everyone talks about this idea of separation, that ‘I am the separate one’. So when we say ‘person’ … person itself implies one that is separate from the rest and has a sense of individuality about it.

So we say: Where is this individual separate one?

At best, what you can do initially is say ‘This body. This body is separate, you know?’ So, ‘My body is separate from Zoe’s [wife’s] body, therefore I must be separate’. Isn't it? That is the mind’s initial response.

But then I say: If you look at your last 10 problems, how many of them were purely related to the body?

So when you say ‘I have a problem with my manger. I don't have enough money in the bank. I have this problem with my partner’ none of this has to do with the body. So, in THAT case then who are you referring to? Then you are referring to the idea of ‘Mike’, the person you have always believed yourself to be.

This idea of ‘Mike’, this mental belief, is the ‘ego’ or the ‘person’. You see? So that is why we have used the term ‘person’ so that it seems more applicable to all of us, rather than just to say ‘the ego’.

Now, how does this ‘person’ come into being? It never really comes into being, but how does it seem to become real? It seems to become real because belief has been given to thought. See?

So, in the Course [in Miracles] it is also said that ‘This tiny, mad idea came and the Son of God forgot to laugh’.

[Into eternity, where all is one, there crept a tiny, mad idea, at which the Son of God remembered not (i.e., forgot) to laugh. In his forgetting did the thought become a serious idea, possible of both accomplishment and real effects.] [Course in Miracles Text-27.VIII.6:2-3]

You might have heard this before. So, what happened is that this ‘tiny, mad’ idea is actually every thought because all thought is referring to you as a separate one, as a person. There is no thought which is saying that you, One Being or you, One Awareness, must do this. It is always saying you, Mike or you, the person must do this or must not do this. So all we do in satsang is investigate whether this one that the ego is taking to or the mind is taking to, whether this one has any existence at all or not.

So, if you were to look and you can find a single attribute that can prove the existence of this separate individual, of this separate person, then I’d be very happy to see; an attribute that is not imagined, an attribute which is not conjured up by the mind. So, our belief right now is resting on this separation which has no evidence or proof.

“So the person is, you could say, more a collection of memories, of ideas or whatever comes together to fabricate the person or the ego, I suppose. Am I understanding?”

Yes, yes, perfectly. So we say that the ‘person’ is only a sum total of all your concepts at this point of time. But it has no existence even phenomenally.

So, sometimes what can get confusing for some is when we talk about the unreality of the world, the unreality of the appearance; that it's all an illusion. This can get a bit confusing also for some. So I say that: Even if we presume that all this is real, (suppose the computer is real, suppose the table is real, suppose Zoe is real, everything is real); even in this realm of reality, can we find this person? We can only find the body, but we cannot find a person who has a problem with relationship, who has a problem with the manager, who has a problem with the body reacting in certain ways. We cannot find: Who is this one that is speaking as thoughts?

That's why I say that the person is a secondary-level illusion. Even in this realm of illusion or reality (whatever you like to call it), it does not exist. So it's like a daydream which we believed ourself to be. And we try to operate in this realm pretending to be this daydream character.

“Thank you.”

This is very good. So also what you can say is that ‘Oh, but there is something here. Okay, I can see; I find no attributes of this person, but there is something. I am’. You see? ‘I can't find evidence of this person but I Am’.

Then to see this Presence, this sense I Am; what is this sense of Being, what is this sense of Presence?

So if I were to say: Can you stop Being now? ...

If only person was here (actually, it is never here, but suppose person was here). And you see that there is no person. You investigate and look. It is just made up concepts, just concepts. So there is no person. Therefore, all should vanish. If there was no person, and the person was all there is, then everything should just vanish. Isn't it? But it doesn't vanish. Because something is here. The Presence of Being is here.

So That's why we say: Can you stop Being now?

Because if I were to say ‘Can you find Being?’ then it might seem a little more complex. ‘Oh, is this it? Is that it?’ But the minute I say ‘Can you stop Being?’ then it becomes clearer. ‘No, cannot stop Being. What kind of question is that?’

“And then you're talking about Witnessing, Aren't you?”

there's a Witnessing of this Presence as well, Isn't it? So, we can go slowly. So what can happen is that when we say ‘Can you stop Being now?’ then it is seen that Being is ever-present. So who sees it is the Witnessing, or the Awareness itself. What is seen is the Presence of Being, which cannot go; which goes in deep sleep. So in the sleep state, you say ‘I was so sound asleep’. And there was no sense of Being also. Then in the waking state, I say ‘Can you stop Being?’ you say ‘Of course not’. So it seen that Being is present.

So, I know I've given you a lot to chew on in this interaction, but at least hopefully you understood what we mean when we say ‘person’. When we say ‘person not being there’ or ‘I am not a person’ hopefully that is seen. Which itself is actually the end of suffering.

I'm very happy you asked this question, you see, because many would be scared to ask. So, then ‘I've seen that no person is here’….,right now, you are free. RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE FREE. Without even this proclamation. Let me make this proclamation for you.

So, you are free. But still you have the power to pretend to be bound. And how will you pretend to be bound? You will pretend to be bound by listening to your thought. It could be the next thought or the next thought or the next thought. But if you refuse to believe … and it's the easiest, effortless thing. To believe is effortful, you see. When we believe our mind, we get tired.

What will happen is that most of the thoughts will be allowed to just go. And what can remain is the most juicy ones; the ones that have pushed our buttons for the longest time. The ones that have been nurtured for the longest time, those will remain. So, for those; don't try to push them away, don't try to say that ‘Now I have understood and these thoughts should stop coming’. Don't do that; don't resist any thought. Let all thoughts come and go, then the ones that are sticky, them we can inquire into. And those will show you the ‘section of the photo album’ that you're most attached to. Did you hear this example, where we talked about the photo album and the sections?

“I haven’t heard this, no.”

So maybe for anyone who has not heard it, we can also repeat it. So we spoke about the ‘person’ being a set of concepts, Isn't it? So we say that the ‘person’ is basically this big photo album. And each thought goes in as a photo. Each thought that is believed in becomes part of the person's photo album. ‘This is me. I am honest. I am good. I am this. I am that. I am a father. I am a captain of a ship’. All these photos go into this photo album. And then, if you were try and look individually and say ‘Okay, each one I will now get rid of’… this could be a lifetime project. And we don't believe in lifetime projects; we believe in two minute movies. So what we say is ‘Throw away the entire photo album’. Throw away the entire photo album.

And many will come back and say ‘Oh, to throw away the entire album seems a little difficult. It seems a little difficult to throw away everything in one shot’. Then I say ‘Okay, then throw away in sections’. And what are the sections? Each portion of our identity, we have a few key aspects to our identity; it could be father identity, it could be work identity, it could be partner identity. All of us feel like we’re very evolved, complex Beings but actually we have just four or five key sections which are common to most people. So what we say is ‘Throw it away section by section’. Just throw it away section by section.

So, what is the connection between sticky thoughts? The sticky thoughts will point us to the sections which are the strongest attachments for us. There will be some portion of the identity which is the strongest, stickiest thing which still hangs on. So basically what it means is you are saying that ‘I know that there is no person here. I've seen; there's just a set of concepts. Just a set of concepts. But worker identity? But I'm still a worker’. You see? Basically, That's what's happening; that there's this contradiction.

Or the mind will create a separation. It will say ‘Okay, all this is fine for satsang, but when you come to the [quote, unquote] real world, then you have to steer your ship. You-as-a-person has to do something’. It is not true. The person cannot do anything because it does not exist.

Does this mean that action will stop? It will not stop. The same One which has been doing it all along will continue to do it.

So the person is always ‘post facto’ you see. A thought comes, and we say ‘It was my thought’. In the same way, action happens and we say ‘It was my action’. That's why we've taken it from the root and chopped it off.

If you refuse to believe your next thought, then none of this you even need to understand separately, you see? Doership, choice, free will; that can take many lifetimes to understand. Then you have other concepts, you know? It could just be about Being or Awareness or all of that. So we say, keeping it very simply: Just become free from your suffering. That is what is critical, what is important right now, is to just let go of these thoughts; and all the knowledge, all the insights will flow on their own. There is no way that this knowledge will be kept from you if you are free from suffering.

So it is as simple as saying: You cannot suffer without believing your next thought.

Even when strong… they say chemical reactions, you see… something is happening in the body and some moods seem to come, some darkness seems to come; unless we are believing a thought about it, it will just come and go. It will all come and go, and you will find that you were untouched by this play of darkness and light.

But if you say ‘Okay, now I've been in satsang but still the darkness is coming; it is not working’ and you start resisting it like this, in that you give it power, you give it more reality. Let all just come and go. You are the untouched witness of all of it.

December 2014

DECEMBER 8

THE EVIL TWIN

[Ananta had shaved his beard. He begins with]: Ananta could not be with us today, so he sent me instead. I'm the evil twin. And I will show you today how to be miserable. I know that every day you talk about other things, but my area of specialty is how to be miserable immediately. So it's a bit of a change. [Laughter]

So how does one become completely miserable in double quick time? It's very simple. First know that you are this body-mind. Completely. You are this body mind who is here to fight and survive. You are a body-mind who is here to fight and survive, and the world is completely against you.

And how will you fight? How will you survive? You have a special mechanism, you see; you have a special assistant. It is called the mind. So all you're supposed to do is follow the advice of this mind, listen to everything it is saying and you will be able to be a victim forever. And you can blame the world forever, and feel special as a result of it

The simplest way to be miserable right now is to believe every thought. [Laughter] Marta is getting completely psyched, psyched. ‘Oh, Ananta will be back tomorrow and he will…’ [Laughter].

‘But you can make it, you see. As a person you can make it, and one day you will be king of the world. Just keep going’. Should I continue like this? This is the voice of the mind. It has many, many ways to get you tempted. ‘I am a victim. The world is against me. Nobody understands me’. All of these are the symptoms of this person idea.

So to become miserable actually requires all of this. But to be free requires nothing at all. And as Consciousness, you can choose. As Consciousness you can choose whether you want to go with this thought-stream, or you just want to let it go.

So who is unclear on how to become miserable? Clear?

This is a good way to look at it, actually. Although it might be a little strange. But it is very good to look at it like this, because otherwise what happens is that we keep repeating the old patterns, and we’re saying that ‘Oh, this is so strong. This is coming like this. Why is it like this?’ All these stories can continue. But at least know that you are doing all of this to be miserable. It is not possible without any of this; without you doing all of this, without you choosing to believe, without you choosing to pretend.

DECEMBER 9

SURRENDER AND TRUST IS ENOUGH

“Father, can you talk about physical sensations? I am feeling physically weak today and would like to feel better so I can be productive, so studying with this.”

So I know this feeling of wanting to be productive. In fact, after I came back from my first visit to Tiru [Tiruvannamalai, India], there was a period of time when… (some of you know about this), there was a period of time where there was just no life energy to be productive at all. It seemed like, you know, I was the happiest actually than I’d ever been but to everyone around it felt like I had gone into a depression. It felt like… and I’d never struggled with this depression thing, where everybody felt that ‘Something not right has happened with him in Tiru’. They were very fearful of me going back to Tiru.

They felt that I had this depression because it was like this entire life energy was out. And I didn't bother about work, there were months where I didn't reply to my emails. Then the family became so concerned that I decided to write to Moojiji. And I said that ‘Actually I am the happiest I have ever been, but there is just no life energy here. there's just no life energy here and it's affecting my work and my family is starting to get worried. What is happening with this one?’ And he said ‘You must trust this. You must trust what is happening, because it is pure Grace’. In fact, let me see if I can open that email, because I feel like my paraphrasing cannot match up to his true words. Just give me a minute and I will see if I can open that email.

Now, so I’ll read some excerpts from what I had written to him. I wrote to him, “My dearest father Mooji, I love you. What a beautiful blessing to see your email.”

I’d written to him something earlier, which he had replied. And then there was something else there about Ayurveda.

I said: ‘My father, there's so much joy in your presence, even in reading an email from you. The heart feels such a strong connection and a knowing. This is such a blessed time for me. The mind is losing interest in most things it was so attracted to earlier, including work and achievement. The family, (Tina and my parents), are quite worried about what is going to happen, what is going to become of my life. But I am secure in following God’s plan. I am so grateful to God for helping me find my Satguru.’

So he replied saying: ‘My Dear son Ananta, I am deeply pleased to read you report, which corresponds nicely to the pathways of the soul’s flow to ocean of Being from days of old. It is natural, given the way the world thinks, that your nearest and dearest should feel the way they do. After all, this is how we have been trained and conditioned to perceive life. However, as you now see and know, your Being’s unfolding path is inside the great all-inclusive river which is carrying the whole world.’

And he said, let me repeat this one, he said: ‘However, as you now see and know, your Being’s unfolding path is inside the great all-inclusive river which is carrying the whole world. The sage’s heart remains ever untroubled by remaining inside itself as pure Awareness. He is not concerned with the world play, though at times out of compassion, he will appear to be moving about to ensure change goes in the right direction while inwardly knowing nothing can move contrary to divine will. Those who see themselves as waves and ripples will undoubtedly panic at the thought of an unknown future. But those whose hearts are inspired to rest in trust will know intuitively all things are well and will be in accordance with God’s will.’

Let me just read this one again: ‘Those who see themselves as waves and ripples will undoubtedly panic at the thought of an unknown future. But those whose hearts are inspired to rest in trust will know intuitively all things are well and will be in accordance with God’s will. I am with you to the end, as you are with and in me.’

Mooji says: ‘I am with you until the end, as you are with and in me. Ours is an unfamiliar dance in the eyes of the ego.’ ‘Ours is an unfamiliar dance in the eyes of the ego. The dance of intuition. Surrender, love and trust. Your family will grow in and through your own liberation. Remind Tina…" (That's what she was called then) "…of the peace which arose within her, which removes all the noise and fears of the mind. All this is divine auspiciousness. Trust that it is impossible to act from your Heart's truth and it turns out wrong for others.’

Let me repeat: ‘Trust that it is impossible to act from your Heart's truth and it turns out wrong for others. Your family and yourself is one.’ So blessed, so blessed.

Didn't turn out to be so much about physical sensations, but that is the answer that came up, you see? Good. This was in 2009.

So just surrender and trust is enough. And this river is flowing only through God’s grace, through divine will.

DECEMBER 19

IS CONSCIOUSNESS ITSELF DOING ALL THESE HORRIFIC THINGS?

“My Mom was asking me the other day; She was saying ‘I can understand that Consciousness does everything’ but she says that ‘I cannot accept that it will for example, kill children or molest children’. So she says ‘How? Isn't it the mind doing something, yes?’ She asked me and I didn't know what to say.”

It can seem like this. This question is there that ‘What about all the horrible things? You say Consciousness is the one doer, then what about all the horrible things that happen?’ It must be said that it is still only Consciousness that does that. And this contrast of life does get created like this.

But you know what the best news is? The best news is that in the seemingly most horrific circumstances, truly, truly nothing is hurt. It can seem very strong, all emotions can come. Even here, so much grief came when I heard about the kids, 130 children in school who are shot dead. It is unfathomable how it could happen. So grief, it is natural for it to come, you see?

And that day, I was feeling that, I keep telling my son ‘Why do you leave your clothes here? Why do you leave your shoes here? Why can't you keep them in their place?’ Any of that. All of that we tell him. Imagine the parents who never saw their kids again?

It can seem like all these emotions can play, but in this realm it has always been like this. The complete contrasts have always been here. Jesus was put up on a cross. The true, pure expression of love itself was put up on a cross. This is the way this realm seems to play. And if we get involved in this realm, as an object in this realm, then all this can seem too much, too much.

That's why it is important to remember who we are, so that we see that, all of this, the best, the sublime, the most sublime experience, and the most horrific experience, both are just coming and going. And it shows us the great value of not getting attached.

This appearance, if we get attached to anything, if we say something is me or mine (the simple way of explaining attachment is just to say, something is me or mine), if we get attached to anything in this experience, this world will always show us that it will not last.

So ultimately, all is coming from this space of neutrality. Awareness is completely neutral, because for Awareness nothing has ever really happened, you see? So all of this is Consciousness alone and we cannot fathom Consciousness.

“She says ‘I can't seem to accept, for instance like, if you have never had an experience like that, and it is easy for you to say’. Then she says something like ‘Well, you've never been on streets so it's easy for you to say everything is fine’.”

Yes. But from what I have experienced, I can tell you that, I told once about this lady who was staying with me in Rishikesh, staying Mooji’s house, we were all staying together and her fiancé or her husband passed away, young lady, and her fiancé or husband passed away last, maybe the year before, and she said that this was the experience of pure grace. This was the experience of pure grace.

Closest beloved one, he left his body and she said that ‘Initially it seemed like the worst thing, seemed like the worst thing, but it was pure Grace. Because without this I would not have discovered the indestructibility of what I truly am. I would never have figured that the truth can never die. And I discovered that everything in the appearance is just coming and going. Anything can go’.

I remember in Rishikesh, the same year we went and, I shared this story also, where there was this couple who came to satsang, young kids. They were on a delegation; young kids delegation from the United States. They were in college, these kids, and a couple had come to satsang, I was back in Bangalore so I didn't see them in the satsang. They came in satsang and they spoke. And the man said that ‘I just want to be with this woman for the rest of my life and it's a most beautiful thing’. They were so much in love with each other, you see. And then I went and we were visiting an ashram and the news came that this man died in an accident, he drowned in the Ganga. This strong news came. And we went along with Mooji ji, we went and visited the girl, we went and visited this girl whose life partner, (she believed he was), had passed away. And Mooji ji told her, (we just sat silently with her for a long time, and then) he said that ‘Even one day, even this, even this one day you will say it was Grace because you will discover that what is here cannot die. You will find the truth of your true nature’.

Yes, and in these cases, very natural for the emotions to come. We are not saying that we become completely robotic. Neutral does not mean that all emotion stops. Neutral only means that the witnessing is witnessing even the flow of this emotion.

Everything in the appearance, if you're truly desirous of the truth, is pointing you to the truth of what we are. If we go through the entire life; you have a full life, say we live a hundred and twenty years, but we never, never figure out what we are; we’re just involved in the appearance all the time, then what is the point of such a life?

How many such lives must we have already gone through? And we have seen with the events in the recent past, that this life could be over any minute. Any minute it can be done. And if can be done any minute, then what is the best, best use of what is available here, now? If this life is available here, now, then let's find out what is it that we are. Let us find out the undying one, before death comes. Let us discover whether something real can die.

Actually, I was meant to mention in satsang the other day about the Sydney event, the Lindt café, and going to say that ‘See, life can get over so quickly. You walk into a café and you don't know. Who would expect, you know, at the Lindt café, that it's going to be the last few moments of my life? Who would expect?’ And then, in couple of days, maybe the next day itself, this incident happened in Pakistan. There has never been in any period of history where it has only been the chocolate- flavored events which have happened. There has never been a time in history like that.

Life is always providing both the contrasts. The programmer seems to have written the game like this. And we can keep arguing with reality, saying ‘But, but, but, how can the programmer be like this? How can God do this?’ Or we can accept that That's the way it is; and to find out: ‘Who am I in all of this?’

WHY SILENCE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

[Silence]

Have you noticed that in periods of silence, what will happen is that the mind becomes very uncomfortable? The mind wants to keep saying something or the other. Some thoughts try to attract your attention, Isn't it? That's why silence is so beautiful. Cos in silence it can be watched so clearly. This whole play starts to unravel very fast. Cos there is no trouble in silence. All that is, just is. And then the mind comes up with some story and you give it your belief, [Silence] and this is called going from the no mind to the mind.

The no mind does not mean that thoughts stop. It can happen that for a period of time there are no thoughts, but truly the no mind does not mean that thoughts will stop. It's just that the mind loses its power over you. You are not tempted by these thoughts anymore. And truly, this is the only temptation, the temptation of thought. Everything is flowing exactly as it is meant to. But by believing this temptation of thoughts then we pretend to be something we are not. Something that we can never be, actually. It's funny that we get so troubled by the pretense of something that we can never become. We get so troubled by the pretense of something we can never become.

Supreme lord cannot become this shadow. But you can see the shadow and say ‘That is me’. That is the power of your belief. All by this little trick, this little trick of the mind which attracts your belief.

Is there any trouble beyond this? Is there any trouble beyond belief and thought? And it's very beautiful. This whole process is so beautiful. Because you say that ‘I will not believe’ then the life tests you, you see. It gets you to transcend everything. Just when you say that ‘I will not believe’, life pushes a button and says ‘How about this?’ You say ‘I don't believe’. It says ‘How about this? How about all of it together? Take that. Can you handle it?’ It happens, you see.

It's very good that this happens. In the moment, we don't feel so. In the moment we don't feel it, but later we realize it's very good. Because even this, I transcended. It has given me so much strength. It can be the smallest thing or it can be a large event. It's all the same.

So what is it that can still push your buttons? You can actually go to that now. Go to that belief now and burn it in the fire of satsang. Hand it over. Then you find that what I say is true; that this while universe can burn to pieces, including this body, but you remain untouched. Untouched even by your own cries. You see what I'm saying? It's not about how the body is responding, you see. The body can be crying in pain but you see that the witnessing is still untouched. And the mind will come and say ‘Yes, yes, I want this, this is what I want’. It doesn't have to do anything to get it. You are already that.

As long as you are not looking at the shadow and saying that the shadow is me, You'll find out who is the one who is looking at the shadow. Who is looking at the personal identity?

Most of you are now able to say that there is something here [pointing to the heart region]. There is something here which wants this or is uncomfortable, or something happens. you're already saying ‘It's not me’. You see? you're saying actually that ‘I see this something’. So who is the seer? Is there a seer?

So for most of you it's very clear that there is no person. The person idea is seen.

Now what remains is:

Who is the seer of it?

Is there a seer?

What does the seer look like?

DECEMBER 22

WHAT IS THE ONE CONSTANT?

This Appearance is constantly changing. All of us can look back to 10 minutes ago and the appearance in front of us might be very different from what is appearing right now isn't it? And we can go back to the first thing in the morning and the appearance would've been completely different. And we can go back to the weekend and again it would be different. And we keep going back to wherever memory can take us and this appearance we find is constantly, constantly changing; something else is appearing. But what is the constant? In this ever-changing appearance, this is always coming and going but there is a constant, isn't it? What is the one constant?

The Constant must be you. Not the body. Because the body is also changing, isn't it? The body is also constantly changing. But there must be a ‘you’ who is the witness of all of this ever-changing appearance. Who is this you? Who is this one? Who is the one who is aware of the baby-body when the body was born? This one was aware of the baby body. And this one is aware of this body also now. Has this one changed? The witnessing of that body and this body, has this one changed?

That's why if we attach to any appearance and call it 'me' or call it 'mine', then it leads to trouble because no appearance is constant. And even if the appearance was constant, our idea about it would not be constant, you see. Our idea about the appearance also keeps changing. And relationships is the number one reason why we seem to get people in Satsang because there is so much suffering that comes from relationships. So let's look at relationships.

Many times it happens that the other person is the same. The other person is actually the same. But our idea of the person wants to be different, we want the person to change. So in our concept of the person, of the relationship, we want it to be different. So even if the appearance was constant, the mind is never constant. The mind is constantly changing.

So it's double trouble, isn't it? One that the appearance is constantly changing and even if for something if the appearance was constant then the mind about it is always changing. Our ideas about everything are constantly changing. Our ideas about ourself are always changing. If you look at what we wanted to do, what we wanted to become 10 years ago, 15 years ago, it might be very different from what we want to do and what we want to become now. So if you rely on these ideas, if you rely on any appearance, then we are just in for some suffering.

The person we believe our self to be is just an idea and this idea is constantly being modified ever since we're born’ ever since we had the ability to believe our thoughts we have always been modifying this person idea. ‘I am like this, I want this, my partner should be like, this is the amount of money I should have, my truck should be like this, and family should be like this’. Constantly changing, changing. So when all this is changing, changing, everything changing, what is the one constant?

That's what we say; that there are two A's: There is the appearance and there is the Awareness. Can the appearance exist without the Awareness? Can there be an appearance without you being aware of it? So all appearances rely on your Awareness, all appearances rely on You, but You do not rely on appearances. Once this is understood, then you cannot suffer. How can you rely on an appearance?

[After some internet trouble] So the appearance can be HD, or it can be SD, or it can be low definition but who is the one that is aware of it? Who is aware of the slowness, all the goodness? Who is aware that all this changing appearance is happening? Is That one changing its form in some way? Is that one going from 1020p to 780p? Is it changing the pixel level of itself? It is the same, Isn't it? How is witnessing changed by all this which is coming and going? Even the mind cannot deny this. The mind also cannot deny the fact there is a witness of all this appearance. Because if you were to try and deny all this then it will lose all credibility with you. So it wants to retain some credibility, and not deny something which is so apparent.

That there is an appearance, then there must be a witness of it, isn't it? So the whole point of satsang is to see ‘Who is this witness?’ The whole point of the enquiry ‘Who am I?’ is to see who is this witness. And one thing is immediately clear, then the witness cannot be just another appearance, because there must be a witness of that also. So the witness cannot be an appearance. So, therefore, we can come to the conclusion that the witness cannot be phenomenal, because all phenomena need to be witnessed. So the eternal Witness, the final witness cannot be phenomenal, isn't it? What is phenomena? Phenomena is that which can be witnessed; that which is observable. So who is the observer, who is the witness?!

So one thing is clear if you have been listening today, is that you cannot be a thing. You cannot be an object. You must be something else. If you cannot be an object, what must you be? And all that you are doing is witnessing; all that you are doing is witnessing and you cannot be a thing. So can we say that you are the witnessing itself?

Then we must be able to say that ‘If all there is, is witnessing, and I am not a phenomenal thing, then I must be this witnessing’. Can we clarify that, can we validate that for ourselves? Can we check in this moment ‘What is it that I am?’ Because there can be an appearance of anything. There can be an appearance of this body, there can be an appearance of thoughts, there can be an appearance of breath. They can even be an appearance of space. But who is witnessing them? How are you separate from this witness? What does this witness look like? Is there anything we can say about this witness? Can any appearance, no matter how strong it might seem, can it touch this awareness? This Awareness itself is your true self.

Therefore self-realization is available right now. We need not go anywhere to realize the self. This self is ever-present. The only confusion possible is when we identify with an appearance, when we identify as a body mind who is actively participating in this appearance. So the activity can continue, but the identification must be seen to be false.

May all of you be forever free from identification these appearances.

“Satsang, sangha, self-inquiry and appearance I see as love. It feels I am that constant, untouched seeing.”

Very beautiful. Constant untouched seeing, yes. Very nice.

And the minute we say ‘untouched’, that means that we cannot suffer now. Suffering seems an alien concept. How can one that is untouched suffer from anything?

DECEMBER 27

CAN THERE BE ANY  TROUBLE FOR THE WITNESSING?

So we were saying yesterday that we are not interested in a Self which comes and goes, Isn't it? Why would I be interested in something which is coming and going? That is the nature of appearances. All appearances are coming and going. You see? So if you want to discover the Self, where must we look?

Isn't the Self here already?

What is it that we are seeking?

What effort is required to find what is here right now?

Is there something missing in this?

Is there something bound here?

Very simply. We’re not asking you to imagine anything at all. Just look and see what is here already. And is there something that needs realization also? What needs to be realized? Only what is already here. It's already called the Self, you see. What does the word ‘Self’ mean? You are already That.

So if I was to say there's no distance between you and the Self, what would you do to find it? Where would you go? Would you have to move even an inch? And the mind comes and says ‘But it doesn't seem to be like that. I've been trying for many years and I cannot find the Self. I've been to many ancient lands, I've come to Arunachala. But where is the Self?’

Because the nature of the mind is that it will say ‘Walk here, now walk here, now come here, now go there; one more retreat, one more teacher’. It will never say just see what is here now. The mind will never give this sort of pointing, Isn't it? And we can look together because I'm not saying anything esoteric. there's nothing special which is being spoken about here, you see? The mind will again come and say that ‘Okay, he has seen something that I have not’.

It's not true like this. If there is a message that I want to bring it is that it's the most regular thing. To realize your Self is the most regular thing because You already are That.

So can we see what is here already? Can we find out what is already here? Very simply we can also look. We can say that, okay, there are some objects, there is this body, there are some breaths; then a thought is coming, some emotions are here… and there is a witnessing of all of these, Isn't there? Is there anyone who can deny the witnessing of all of these?

Just see that there is a witnessing of all of these appearances and That's why I say that there are two ‘As’: there's the big ‘A’ which is Awareness and the small ‘a’ which is appearance, and all this phenomena can be bundled into appearance.

But what is the Awareness of it? You are the Awareness of it. It's as simple as this. No appearance can be there without You. There are no second hand experiences. It's all your own experience. And this big ‘A’, this Awareness, is untouched by any appearance no matter how strong it might seem. That's why I say that the most horrendous or the most sublime, it does not matter. It's only that the trouble starts when we start believing this. It's no trouble without thoughts. And That's why if you want a master key, if you come with a question: ‘I want to be free from all suffering forever and ever’, I have a simple pointing for you, and it's completely possible to be free from all suffering right now.

And this simple pointing is just: Don't believe your next thought.

I don't tire of speaking this message because in this; it sounds like a very simple statement, but in this is the end of all suffering. Don't believe your next thought. Can you suffer now? No! You have to work hard to suffer! It sounds ludicrous right? The first time you hear it that you are actually taking a lot of effort to cause yourself this suffering, this pretense of suffering. This pretense of suffering is a lot of work and we have been doing all this hard work to experience this misery.

How is it hard work? A thought comes and attention goes… and I'm not saying don't control; I'm not saying don't give it your attention. I'm saying even if attention goes, let it go; but just by giving it attention you will not get the misery out of it. You have to also give it your belief.

To control belief is very easy. The mind will come and say ‘No, it happens on its own, it's automatic, you see’. It's not true like that. You have to try it out for yourself. That's why I say don't take my word for it. See for yourself how easy it is to be completely free right now.

This whole game has been a trick. This whole seeking game has also been a trick; another trick of the mind. And yesterday we were also speaking of the seeker identity, that sometimes it becomes too strong. See? It becomes too strong and there's too much knowledge, you see. there's too much knowledge and those interactions are the only interactions that I find tiring because what you would be saying is true. You would be saying ‘I Am That’. You would be saying that ‘I am Untouched’. But as you say them you can still smell ‘the person’ on you. It is the person who is pretending to be the Untouched One. The problem with too much spiritual knowledge is that it is taking us away from the now.

What is here now? Simply. All can appear but I am the Eternal Witness to all of it. Isn't it?

And what can touch this witnessing?

What can make this Witnessing suffer?

So anytime you say that you are suffering, you are referring to yourself as an imagined entity; the imagined entity called the person. And it is impossible for you to become this person. He tried yesterday, Isn't it? He tried yesterday to become a person. He saw that he is the Witnessing itself. And then we said ‘Can you try and become a person?’ Just cannot. At best you can pretend. At best you can pretend to be a person by believing your thoughts. But in reality you cannot leave this Witnessing position and come to the personal perspective. Just not possible. So then, what work is to be done? How many satsangs more for freedom? [Laughter] Does it have to wait even until the end of satsang?

Does it need a silent retreat now? A ten day silent retreat should we organize? It's not required. We can have some fun that way, there's no harm in any of that, but you cannot show me right now what is bound. And if you cannot show me what is bound then who needs freedom? Just imagination, you see? And we have given too much juice to this imagined one, to this imagined person.

The mind will come and say ‘But, but, but, what about something?’ And I am happy to discuss those doubts. It's very rare if someone comes first time and they say ‘Yes, yes, yes’ because the mind is so conditioned to resist. If you're giving the words of satsang to the mind for verification, then it will need a lot of satsang. This habit I have seen is difficult to drop. Even the words that we hear in satsang, we give them to the mind for verification.

If the mind already knew the answer then why would we be here anyway?

How can the mind verify the truth?

See how the mind comes. There is a pure seeing Awareness. In deep sleep state there's only this pure Awareness; and then there is the birth of this Being, the Presence ‘I Am’, the sense that ‘I Am’. It's as simple as that. And once this Presence ‘I Am’ is there then everything appears. The mind appears, the world appears, the body appears.

So can the mind then go back and look at where it comes from? Can the reflection in the mirror understand what it is reflecting? It cannot do that. So the mind cannot even understand Being. Awareness is too far from mind for the mind to fathom.

If you're waiting for a mental understanding, we will keep waiting because the mantra of the mind also is ‘Almost there….almost there’. You know? ‘Another year in Tiru. That's it. The final Master, to meet the final Master and That's it’. Something. The mind will always have a go like this.

Why not now? Why not here? Is there anything missing now? Is it about spiritual experience?

DECEMBER 30

THE BIG 'A' OF ‘AWARENESS’ AND THE SMALL 'A' OF ‘APPEARANCE’

What's here now? What's here right now? Can we look at that?

Because, the truth is here. We don't need to go looking around here and there to find the truth. The truth is ever present. In fact, I say that I am not interested in that which comes and goes. Of what value would that be? If it is something coming and going, no matter how glorious it is, of what value would it be? It will only lead to more attachment, Isn't it? Attachment and then suffering when it goes.

So, can we find That-which-is-always-present? And if you focus on what is here right now, then you will not be able to tell me that there is something missing.

Something is always missing in experiences from the past or projections into the future. The most common one that we hear is that ‘It's all ok now’. You say this in satsang, but what about when I leave? Then immediately you pick up this projection of the future, Isn't it?

When you taste your own Presence, then you stop searching here and there. Your own Presence of Being. This is the Presence that wakes up. Then we call it the waking state.

What is the difference between sleep and waking? One way to say it is that all these appearances are there in the waking state, Isn't it? One way to say is like that, but the other way is first to see that first there is a ‘me’. All these appearances are arising from me, in my Presence. Can there be an appearance without a ‘me’?

So it's never possible to have an appearance of something without there being this perspective of there being a ‘me’. Can you say that ‘I saw something but I was not there?’ No, it sounds like a silly thing to say, Isn't it? We say that ‘I saw something”. It's always that ‘I’ saw something. So the ‘I’ must be always present. We have to find out who is this ‘I’. Who is this one? This ‘I’ sees our thoughts also.

A thought might be coming now. A thought could even be, if it's your first time in satsang, it could even be: ‘But this is little abstract’. It's a little something, but it's another thought, you see? Just a thought.

You are witnessing this thought, see? And this you, who is witnessing this thought, this emotion, this external world: this you is who? Who is the witness of all of this? This witness, this Awareness is what you are, is what I Am; and it's always present. And this witness has no trouble with any appearance coming and going. Isn't it?

Satsang is a place where you can be free. You don't have to be proper, you don't have to be restricted. If something is coming, it's ok. Is there something triggering it or is it just happening? This happens very often in satsang.

That's why I find that there is great beauty in this very simple pointing that just came up like this the other day, (and I probably used it in every satsang after that), which is that:

All there is, is this big ‘A’ of Awareness and the small ‘a’ of appearance.

Is there anything besides this? Is there anything which is not an appearance? Anything outside the appearance, which is not the Awareness itself?

And then, if you see that all is appearance, then you find that as long as we are attached to some part of the appearance or we want the appearances to go in a certain way then we want to direct the flow of these appearances. That is also called trying to control our life, the way our life is going. It's completely not possible. But you will find that you are the pure Awareness which is unconcerned by the flow of any appearance.

So if you're identifying with the small ‘a’ of appearance, then trouble. And if you see that you are the big ‘A’ which is Awareness itself, then no trouble is possible. Can we keep it this simple?

All that we can speak of must be content of the appearance, Isn't it? We say ‘My mind is very strong; mind is very strong; or some strong emotion comes, fear comes, anger comes; this body is in pain, the people around me are like this, like that; my surroundings are like this; my money in the bank’. All this is part of the appearance, Isn't it?

Can there ever be a problem which is not part of the appearance? And which appearance comes and stays? All appearances only come and go, Isn't it?

If you have a desire or aversion to an appearance, then it is trouble.

January 2015

JANUARY 1

INNER NEUTRALITY

Suppose that there were no more words. Suppose there were no more words. Nothing at all required to be heard now. Nothing required to be seen also. Nothing required to be touched also. No presence needed to be felt also. No presence also. No taste, no senses. You would still remain, Isn't it? If there was no body, no senses, not even the Presence of Being, yet you would remain. No phenomenon to be experienced. Could there be suffering in this? If there was no phenomenon ever experienced, could you suffer? You would not even know the meaning of suffering.

So why does suffering come? Because this, all this play starts; of phenomenon, Being starts, this game starts. And then we want it to go in a certain way. Or we don't want it to go in another way. But if you were to not be concerned about which way this game is going, which way this dream is playing, then it will be impossible to suffer.

So you must stop pretending to control the flow of life. Nobody has been ever able to control their life. Nobody has been able to run their life. The freedom from suffering is not your ability to control your life, but it is to be Neutral to whatever is arising and going.

And Neutrality does not mean we stop smiling, or we stop crying also. It does not mean that also. It is the inner neutrality that we are speaking of, unconcerned with even this outward expression. It could be that lots of tears are coming here, tears are coming here, but it is seen that Awareness is unconcerned by it. Many of you have seen this for your own self, Isn't it?

A lot of times you start laughing or you start crying, but inside you are unmoved. So in this way, there is full freedom for Consciousness to play the way it wants, but we remain completely Neutral. Because, in the way that we define Consciousness, even Consciousness we are not. And if this is your first Satsang, don't give too much of your mind into this; we’ll explain this in more detail. But you know, the ones who’ve been in Satsang for a while know that they are the pure witness even of the arising and dissolution of Consciousness itself. Then you let Consciousness do whatever it wants.

This is called allowing or non-resistance. It's not like you have an option anyway. Consciousness cannot be controlled. It's not in a person's control. Many have tried over so many millions of years to control life, and none have succeeded. So just watch this movie, don't try to control the ending of the movie. Then you start enjoying the movie. But if you're too concerned about what the next scene is, what's going to happen next, if you're too attached to the characters in the movie, then you're really not enjoying it, you see.

The entire past year has come and gone in the blink of an eye lid. Our entire life span has come and gone in the blink of an eye lid. Where is the past now? Where are those characters that at one point we felt we cannot live without? So many of those have come and gone. So many so-called loves of our lives and so many nemesis and enemies and so many people have come and gone. In this game, in this movie, all this will happen.

It's as simple as seeing ‘Who is witnessing all of this?’ It's not an abstract question, it's not a difficult question. Right now it can be checked. Who witnesses the movement of time? Today, we are celebrating the New Year. 2014 has become 2015, but what has really changed?

So, it's been like this; we witness the movement of time. What is moving forward every moment, what is moving forward? Who knows this movement? Who is aware of the now, the now, the now? Fresh, every instant. Completely fresh.

Is the witnessing also changing now, now, now? Or is only the appearance changing now, now, now? Is Awareness one year older? Does it have some more grey hair? What can we say about this pure witnessing, this pure Awareness?

Like this, another million years can go. Suppose you were completely lied to, suppose there is no end to this circle of birth and death, no end. Suppose Nirvana or Moksha was a myth. Is that a problem for you? Suppose this is one of ten thousand lives that are still to come. you're just getting started into the cycle of birth and death. Suppose it was like this, then? It won't matter; if you have now become unconcerned with the content of this phenomenon, of this phenomenal world, then it won't matter whether you are in the cycle of birth and death, or you attain Nirvana or Moksha or whatever you call it. Makes no difference because, as Awareness, you are untouched.

You are ever free. In fact you are not being born and you are not dying, Isn't it? What can be born and what can die is not You. Many times, in a minute, the mind takes birth and the mind dies. Mind takes birth and the mind dies. So how many life times of this mind can happen in one day? Mind to no-mind, to mind to no-mind. That's why I constantly point you to the witnessing of all of this phenomenon.

You see, if you believe… if I were to give you a game, and I were to say ‘You have to now, for the next one hour, pretend to be an old man sitting at the side of the Ganga, sitting at the banks of the Ganga. You just believe all the thoughts which can come about this identity of being an old man sitting on the banks of the Ganga’. If you believe enough thoughts about it, it will seem so real to you, this identity. You'll give it a name, You'll give it a story. See, already it might be happening for some of you. The visuals will come, the pictures will come. Some of you have never seen the Ganga but it will seem so real, so real.

In the same way we have built up this imaginary persona about ourselves. All it would take would be about thirty, forty, fifty thoughts for you to become deeply attached to this identity of this old man on the banks of the Ganga. In full sincerity, if you were to believe some fifty, sixty thoughts, I feel it's enough. There would be some attachment already. You say ‘Wow, That's a beautiful character, maybe That's what I want in my next life’. This is the power of belief.

For some it's possible to do it this life itself. This is the power of our belief. More and more we have believed and believed in this imaginary persona, which we've given our name; this name, this label, whatever we are called as a person. So first we bring this imagination to the forefront, and then we want to control the life of this imaginary person. And for what? All for nothing.

Maybe in the beginning it would have seemed like this would have been fun or this would be fun. It must have been promised like this. It has gone too far. This identity has been taken too far. And yet, because it is completely imagined, it is not difficult to unravel, if you are open. But if you want to make this imagined one free, or this imagined entity happy, then I cannot help you, you see.

This is not about freedom for the imagined person. This is not even about personal happiness. There are many, many, many in the world who are focused on this personal happiness, there are so many psychiatrists and psychologists who are focused on trying to make people happy. And it's a much more viable business. It's a much more viable business because the person will never be happy. But you can show them some glimpses of what happiness could mean; and then they would keep coming back, more and more.

Here, if you see the truth, there's no person, it's not a personal life, then there is nothing much more to be said actually. So either the person can react very strongly and say ‘Ok, this is not for me, this is not what I am looking for. I still want to try it out as a person’. Many have said like this. The doubt could be something else, but ultimately at the root it could be this doubt that ‘I still want to make it as a person’. But it does not work, it does not work. It's the same trouble. It doesn't matter, you see?

I've been reading, some of you know, I've been reading this one book by Marcus Orelius, (not sure if I'm getting the name right now). Marcus Orelius was one of the great Roman emperors. And at that time in Rome, they used to control most of the so-called civilized world. And if you read his notes and if you read his journal; same, same trouble, same. Same family, enough wealth, security, death, old age, body issues.

So the great emperor, one of the greatest emperors of Rome, did not have a chance to find happiness as a person. Then why do we keep deluding ourselves? Why do we keep chasing these ideas? If they must idolize someone, idolize someone who is beyond their suffering now; who has stopped suffering. Doesn't have to be a Guru sitting in an Ashram. Doesn't have to be a Guru who does Satsang also. If you find a Being who is beyond suffering, who is untouched by the up’s and down’s of life, it is enough to sit at their feet actually.

JANUARY 16

SATSANG IS THE REHAB FOR GOD

“So, who’s believing or not believing?”

It is the power of Consciousness itself. There is only Consciousness. And Consciousness has the power of these forces; attention, belief, identity. And it is Consciousness itself which is pretending to play ‘person-person’. It is pretending to play this game of ‘person-person’. And Consciousness itself which is creating environments where it is pretending to free itself from this delusion. That's the way this game has been programmed.

All doing and all experiencing is Consciousnes itself. That's why we were saying yesterday that ‘Satsang is the rehab for God, which God itself has created’. God himself or itself is pretending to be deluded, and God himself is addicted to thoughts and God himself is saying ‘I'm suffering too much because of this addiction, I must come to Satsang, which is the rehab so it will get me over this addiction to thoughts’. And then when these thoughts are going, then there are also these withdrawl symptoms which God himself is experiencing.

Then God is saying ‘Oh, I cant do without this thought. I can't do without this relationship. I can't do without this money’. All these concepts. All is getting wiped out, wiped out, and big withdrawl can happen, you see?

So, I don't mind if sometimes, somebody will come and shout at me in Satsang: ‘What is this?’ It's very good actually, because all this cleaning up is happening, you see. It doesn't have to happen gently. It can happen; sometimes strong, sometimes slowly, it happens like this.

This is very good. All that is happening in Satsang is always welcome.

Many times, with some integrity, someone will say that ‘Yes, it's clear what you're saying, but I'm just too hooked to my thoughts, too hooked on them’. Then I say, ‘Just Stay in Satsang, this addiction will go’. Actually, it's just this addiction to thoughts.

WHAT DOES THE ‘I’ MEAN IN 'WHO AM I?’

“We are recognizing ‘Who am I?’, so what does the ‘I’ mean? Is the ‘I’ a pointer pointing to some place, or awareness or a person?”

Yes, you put it quite well. So, the ‘I’ is like this chameleon. Depending on what you believe, the ‘I’ can be the body, the ‘I’ can be the person, the ‘I’ can be the sense of Being, and the ‘I’ ultimately can be the Absolute, Pure Awareness.

So, God says ‘I Am that I Am’ which is ‘I’ identifying as this Pure Presence ‘I Am’. And you can say ‘I am aware of that which is even aware of I Am’.

What is aware even of ‘I Am’? That must be Awareness itself. So when you say that, you say that this ‘I’ is pure Awareness itself.

Actually, from there you don't feel like making too many proclamations also; don't feel like there's a need to say ‘Oh, I am this’. This doesn't feel like it is anything special. That's why it is very beautiful; because there are no attributes. To this Awareness, there are no attributes.

Even to say ‘Pure’, even to say ‘innocent’, all these you feel like they're good words to use, but do not really apply to Awareness. And energies like Love, Peace, Joy, Bliss; all these are in service to your Being. But your Being is not in service to them.

So we must not confuse freedom with a particular state because this can be a very strong mind trick; that ‘I read in a book that freedom means I will be completely blissed out, blissed out all the time’.

If you were blissed out all the time, you would not even know that it is bliss. Because you need the contrast to be able to taste the difference. Freedom means any state can come, any state can go, but I see that I am the untouched witness.

Yes, ‘I’ is like this pointer. Depending on your belief, you can point the pointer where you like.

SPECIALNESS OF BEING  A FREE ENLIGHTENED 'PERSON'

“Father, doesn't the story of specialness feed the mind and keep us deluded?”

Yes, yes, yes; especially the specialness of this concept of being a free enlightened ‘person’. The worst sort of spiritual ego, you see, is that ‘I am an enlightened person’.

Yes, all sense of specialness keeps us deluded, but this one is the most, you know, the strongest addiction. The strongest addiction is the concept that ‘I am now a free person’. And they are not even open to listening to the fact that if you feel you are a free ‘person’ and others are not; [because] specialness means ‘I feel I am a free person, and others are not’… so, they are not even open to listening that actually freedom must mean the dropping of this ‘person’ concept.

How can there be a free ‘person’? How can you be something which I am not? How can I be something which you are not?

Yes, if we drop the concept of specialness, are we not just open to just being?

Yes, yes, yes. Drop this arrogance of separation, then what is here?

Just the Presence of Being.

And what am I?

The Awareness of even this Presence.

“You literally exposed every trick of the mind.”

Thank you. It's my joy, my dear. Thank you so much.

“Here Satsang has been like being jet-washed out by God. Boundless gratitude to remain in the jet wash with you.”

I'm so happy. I'm so happy that you're here in this jet wash with me.

Very nice.

IF YOU CHECK, IT IS ‘GAME OVER’ FOR THE MIND

It's like this; you are all in heaven, all standing in heaven, then the voice of one monkey, one naughty character comes, Loki, the God of Naughtiness or whatever comes and says ‘You know, if you go from here, you go left and then you turn right, then you get to heaven’. And he’s got such a strong authoritative voice and is so convincing that you buy it, you start walking. ‘Where is heaven? Where is Heaven?’

Then, somebody says ‘You are almost there, just a little more and you have to cross’. You keep walking and another, then another.

And you say ‘Ok. This one didn't give me good direction, let me go to another one’.

Then you check and they say ‘You took the wrong turn. You have to go back now, walk this way’.

So then eventually you meet someone who says ‘Where are you walking?’

You: ‘I'm getting to heaven. I'm seeking heaven. I'm seeking freedom’.

Man: ‘But where are you right now?

You: ‘I don't know, I seem to be lost, I seem to be lost’.

Man: ‘Check, check: Where are you?’

You: ‘No, no, but it feels like I'm lost’.

These are very real examples of Satsang questions. Just I'm exaggerating to make the point.

So what is the objection that you get? I say, Just check: Where are you? Where are you now?

What is here now? Is it not heaven?

You say: ‘It doesn't seem like it, where is the Joy? But, it doesn't… I still feel like I'm lost’.

Don't give [energy to] that feeling; just check, just check. Don't believe your thoughts because they are now conditioned to tell you that you are not in heaven. It's like this.

So all these examples are the same, you see? We said, like Kabir Ji had said, ‘The fish is thirsting for water but actually [it is the] water thirsting for water itself. Water saying ‘How do I find water?’ Then the Master says: ‘What are you?’

[Water says]: ‘Oh, it doesn't feel like I'm water. You say I'm water, but it doesn't feel like’.

Master: ‘Don't go with the feeling, don't go with the feeling. What are you?’

Water: ‘How do I check?’

All these are very real Satsang issues, very real; the same, the same questions. The drop of water will say ‘Yes, yes, intellectually I understand but how do I feel it, how do I experience it?’ It's all the same stuff.

So how do I show water that you are water? You have to check. I can only remind you that you are. I can only remind you that you cannot be anything else but that. If some or any of you have a better way, then please tell me; it'll make life a lot easier. [smiles] How do we tell water that it is water? See, the resistance is only the resistance to check. Because the mind knows, the ego knows that if you check, it is ‘game over’ for the mind. So it keeps feeding you some doubt, some issue. Either doubt about what is being said, or doubt about who is speaking; the doubt about the medium, also you say.

[You say]: ‘Ok, but I'm just watching online on Youtube. How can it be that my story ends with a Satsang online? I want to have those… one of those great experiences in an In-Person Satsang, you know, and it should be that this laughter should come and it should not stop, and I saw those videos with Papaji and it should happen like this’.

[You say]: ‘Here, nobody is watching also; who is chronicling my freedom? I'm just sitting here watching on You Tube, or sitting on the Hangout. This is not good enough an end to my story’. So then we continue the story like this. What to do?

“Father, you are a comedian today.”

[Laughter] Yes, yes. Actually yesterday I was saying: ‘For standup, I charge. For Satsang, I don't charge’.

“Father, I don't need to even believe you on this.”

Yes, yes, no belief, no belief; just this checking. If I can get this drop of water to just check: ‘What am I?’ then there is no missing the fact that it is water itself. Doesn't need the belief, see? She says ‘I don't need to even believe you on this, telling water it is water, is experienced here’. Yes, yes, yes. This is very good, you see? Just to check for yourself, you see that it must be this.

There is this awareness that that ‘I'm no distance between myself and this’. So simple.

SEEKING HAS GOT YOU TO SATSANG

So, don't believe that there is something to do, don't believe that there is somewhere to go, and don't believe that it will happen over time. It is already here. And then you will see that, the doing, the going, all is happening on its own. It is all a play of your own Being. Your own Holy Presence is playing in this way. This is the end of doership, this is the end of seeking also. The seeking has played its part, it has got you to Satsang; seeking has done its part. And for the mind, it must be a bit of an anti-climax. [It says] ‘You say ‘But you've already been that’. Ok, so what have I been doing the last twenty years? Always been that’.

That's why there is some resistance to accept this. Resistance comes to accept this because we feel like ‘I have struggled and struggled and sought the Truth for twenty years, and you say that I've always been that’. We don't want to give up on that investment of twenty years. We don't want to hear that it's been futile. So, actually it's not been futile, because it has got you to the point where there is now some openness to these words. How many can be open to these words?

But don't be a ‘forever-seeker’. As my Master says, ‘Don't be a forever-seeker’. It has become sometimes so strongly a part of our identity that the strong fear comes that ‘If I drop the seeking then what do I do? Who am I then?’ That's why I say that even this story, even this story of being a seeker, of being spiritual, we cannot carry. Actually, most, I feel, leave Satsang because this seeker identity is also confronted. The seeker identity is also confronted, and when it is confronted like this, that ‘It is of no value to you, you can drop it now. It is as good as any other identity’, then something doesn't like that. ‘I dropped all my stories and I became a seeker. Now you are saying even this is not worth anything’. That becomes something too strong for many, you see. But this story also must be dropped. It must be dropped. What could I be seeking? Seeking would mean that it is not here already.

It would be a really magical, magical, magical practice, if there was a practice that could make a Self out of a non-self. If there was a non-self and there was something you could do to make a Self out of it, then that would be something; something valuable. But all practices, at best, are just so that you can come to this point where you can see that ‘This thought is coming like this’. And then there is a force of attention which works on it and there is a force of belief. And we are able to see that attention doesn't seem to be so much in control; because if I try to turn from it, it comes back; try to run from it, again it comes back.

But belief is so easy. The mind itself will come and say that ‘No, no, belief is not easy. It happens automatically, like just another thought’. You have the complete power to believe it or not. In fact, you don't believe many thoughts that cross the mind. And because there is so little or no belief in that, it doesn't even get too much of your attention.

JANUARY 20

WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF WHICH IS NOT AN IDEA?

It is very clear that it is all nothing, nothing, nothing. Isn't it? Nothing… and the mind trying to convince you of its ‘somethingness’. Because unless it can convince you of the ‘somethingness’ of this appearance, it cannot convince you about the ‘somethingness’ of you as a ‘person’.

All that it is trying to do is to convince you that this ‘nothing person’ is ‘something’. This ‘nothing person’. Some will hear this ‘nothing person’ and some will be completely joyful to hear it.

Some will feel that something is being attacked. Some will feel, when I say that you are ‘nothing’, some will feel that this is an attack. And others will feel that it's the most blissful thing that you ever heard. So that even if it is feeling attacked, we can see. What is it, that doesn't like hearing this ‘I am nothing’, ‘I am nothing’?

Something wants to attack back and say ‘I will show you who I am, I will show you’. And I am waiting for that. I want to see.

Show me who you are. Really. Show me who you are really. Don't show me what you are pretending to be because that has no value. Don't show me a concept of what you are. Don't show me some beliefs that you picked up, ‘Oh I am like this or like that’ then next month you come and say ‘No, I am like this, I am like that’.

And then we wonder why suffering happens. Because these ideas, we are just resting on beliefs. And all beliefs are changing, we pick up new beliefs all the time. So we keep relying on these beliefs; then how will you be steady? How will there be steadiness?

We are relying even on spiritual beliefs, then how will this peace, peace of truth arrive? Then we wonder why suffering happens.

What can you tell me about yourself that is not an idea?

Even the most glorious idea is not you. And we are in the habit of picking up, really, some nonsense ideas mostly. ‘Oh, I am an angry person. I am not free because still anger comes. I am not behaving kind’. We pick up all this nonsense usually. ‘I need to be more loving. I am not open enough. I have not understood anything. See the rest of the Sangha, they are so loving, I am not loving enough. I am fake’. All these very popular ideas you pick. Very popular ideas.

It is all rubbish. That is why I am not bothering to convince this one about your true nature. Because this mind cannot understand it; cannot fathom your greatness. Your mind cannot fathom what you are.

I say ‘The Universe gives birth in you’. Can the mind understand this?

I say that ‘This entire play of appearances is dancing for you’. Can the mind get this? No.

But to simply see that ‘Awareness is what I am; then there is this play of appearances which is dancing in front of me… so simply it can be seen’.

It doesn't need the mind. It doesn't need any effort. Just needs a very innocent simple looking. What is here now?

And then we are very quick to pick up the ’But, but, but, this is still here. I cannot deny it. Oh, it is still here’.

I am not saying it is not here, but here in the appearance.

All this is coming and going.

Here where?

Here inside Awareness.

As Awareness, is something happening to you?

No, I cannot believe that story. All you can tell me is about some appearance coming and going.

WHO ARE YOU WITHOUT A SINGLE STORY ABOUT YOURSELF?

‘WHO AM I? WHO AM I?’ Most auspicious; the most blessed question that we can ask. Then all this dance of this maya can continue, but we see that ‘I am none of this, and I see that all this arises and goes but I am still here’.

Maybe That's why we are so attracted to the concept of ‘The last man standing’. There is concept especially, in the old western movies, about the last man standing. So who is the one still standing? Even if it was the dissolution of the universe, what is that which remains?

Here in satsang we say: Become completely empty of all your concepts and beliefs and see this world as an appearance. Who is this? Who is aware of this Universe? WHO AM I?

If this question takes root in you, then Freedom is not far. In fact, you realise that you have always been free. Only the pretend suffering cannot last.

This question itself can seem to make you suffer for some time because at times this question is very frustrating. The question becomes ‘Who am I?’ and the mind comes up with some answers. It pretends to have the answer even to this. But when this answer cannot stand in the light of your own Seeing, then there is sometimes much frustration that ‘What is this-Who am I? Is there any point to this? What will I get by asking this question?’

See, mind will ask ‘What are doing this for? Is there an end to this?’ And the mind says ‘There is no answer. Stop doing this because there is no answer’. There is no verbal answer, but in the looking itself, it is clear. So when we stop searching for an answer from the mind, you see that the true answer, the non-verbal, the non-phenomenal answer has always been here. What is here now?

So this question is not a lifetime inquiry. It can become like that if the ego has a lot of moves, then it will keep countering the inquiry with various objections, with various tricks. But the inquiry ‘Who am I?’ is actually in this moment; it is done, it is beyond time, it is prior to time actually. Then you see what is here, the pure Seeing itself, the pure Awareness, is prior even to time. So how can it take time? That which is prior to time cannot take any time; that which is prior to space cannot need effort in space. Where do you need to go to become free?

So if all concepts of effort and time were let go of, then what is here right now? And even if you are not able to verbalize what is here… sometimes we struggle to put it into words, but that verbalization is not required. I am not looking for an answer from your mouth. I can see the answer in your eyes. Sometimes some will come and speak the perfect words, but you see that it is just still concepts. Concepts are cheap. Every one, seven billion of us, are peddling concepts, so concepts have no value. But it is the rare ones who are freeing you from these concepts, who are asking you to be free, to be empty of all of these beliefs. And everyone else is asking you to believe what they believe, because misery loves company. Their beliefs are making them miserable and they want you to share in their misery.

Who Are You without a single belief?

Who Are You without a single story about Yourself?

What is missing HERE?

What is missing NOW?

JANUARY 21

WILL THE ‘PERSON’ EVER DISSOLVE?

“Can I expose the basic ‘problem’ that keeps playing here; which is that the person keeps showing up… where Awareness/Witnessing is non-conceptually experienced far beyond and holding it. Will it ever dissolve?”

Person is just a thought. When you say that ‘The person keeps showing up’, we must be saying that this thought keeps coming, some thought keeps coming. ‘Will it ever dissolve?’ Yes. Already you can say that the magnetism of these thoughts are not as much as they used to be. There was a time when I was completely convinced that ‘I am the creator of these thoughts. These thoughts are my voice’. Now you say that they are just thoughts, some energies. And some might still have some magnetism, but even that is dissolving. That is dissolving.

Then there was something more, and an argument. [She says], “You say ‘If Awareness/Witnessing is here, the person won't be [also here], but it is here often… totally with Awareness (even though a speck of unreality it is)’. So ‘person is here’ means what? Must be that a thought is here, Isn't it?

“Person Idea shows up.”

Exactly. Idea is thought. The energy of a thought is showing up. Constantly some energies can be there. And when we say that ‘Awareness is here and person is here together’… let's even say that you can bring a person to life by giving belief to a thought. But can we really say that the person is here without giving belief to these thoughts? That is not possible. So when you say ‘Awareness is here and then person is there’… person is not really there. It is just a belief. We have brought this belief to life. And yet it is ever non- existent. So the person never really existed. It is just a dream character that we chose to believe.

You say ‘If Awareness/Witnessing is here, the person won't be. But it is here often’. Here is what? Anything besides a thought? I don't feel it can be anything besides a thought. Even a thought about some feelings is a thought. Maybe I should correct myself and say that if you see that you have always been this Awareness, then you also see that the person was never real, was just an imagination.

“So, to say ‘You are smelling like a person’ is to say ‘You are smelling like a belief’.”

Yes, you are smelling like you are speaking from a belief about yourself. Yes, yes. It's only a belief. It has no real tangible existence.

CONTEMPLATION: YOUR OWN HOLY PRESENCE IS GOD HIMSELF

Satsang is not in the words. Before the words start, the mind says ‘I'm waiting for satsang to start’. But actually Satsang already started, you see? Sometimes words can be a distraction; from even the Presence which is here in satsang, even the words can seem like a distraction.

What is left to be heard now? Actually in satsang, we always say the same thing. [chuckles] there's different ways of saying the same thing. Yes, but they are good reminders. And because we've heard the same thing that ‘I am a person, I am the body-mind’… we've heard this from our mind and we've heard it from everyone else in the world, therefore it must be needing some reminder here also; to remind you that you are not that, that you can never be that.

But words also are just part of the reminder. The true reminder is to See, the true reminder is to check. Therefore satsang is the beautiful Presence of Being itself. The company of the Truth means to be in the Presence of the Truth. To be in the company of ‘sat’ means to be in the company of Truth. And what is the Truth? Your whole Presence, your own Presence.

Are you satisfied with just the company of your own Presence? Or are you still needing something else?

And in satsang, most of you actually cannot deny that the Presence is here. You cannot deny that the Presence is here. Because in satsang mostly, after the initial resistance, in satsang the mind cannot be very strong usually. Sometimes it can come in spurts like that, but usually it settles in very fast. As Moojiji calls it, the defrosting has happened, you see. So once the defrosting has happened, then you cannot deny that your own Presence is here. And this Presence is the company of the Truth.

Do you need anything else; when God Himself is your own Presence, what else could you need?

Your own Holy Presence is God Himself.

The Sat-Chit-Ananda: Truth, Consciousness, Bliss, is your own Presence.

All our scripture have been pointing to this Truth for centuries. Since time immemorial, we've heard these terms like Sat-Chit-Ananda; and we've heard phrases like ‘God said: I Am that I Am’. So this pointing has been available to us. It's just that it seems like we have not been able to hear it. Or we heard the words, but we could not get the essence, because it was a mental understanding that we were going for. It was a personal understanding which we going for. And now these words seem like common sense, Isn't it?

So, if I were to say that ‘Sat-Chit-Ananda’ is ever-present, most of you can confirm this. The Truth, Consciousness, and the Joy of this Consciousness. It doesn't have to be an external, outward joy. Just the joy of the Presence Itself has always been here.

Your very Being is This. Your very Being is God, it is Consciousness, it is ‘I Am’. The same One that God said ‘I Am that I Am’. Your own ‘I Am’, the own ‘Am-ness’, the own Beingness. What is this Presence?

And you don't need to experience even this. As the Witnessing, You are unconcerned even by this Witness. Even with this Witnessing, even this phenomenal experiencing is not something which truly brings You anything; because You stay untouched and unmoved. But this Presence must have given birth so that You could have the joy of this experiencing. And if this pure Presence is there, always in service to You; if God is in service to You, then what are we running around for? What are we running about for?

So, what have the Sages said when they said ‘You are sitting on this treasure chest which is full of all that you could ever imagine?’ Somebody says that ‘The diamond has been in your pocket’. Somebody says that ‘You are begging, sitting on this treasure chest which is full of all the treasures of the world’. They are not exaggerating. In fact they cannot really speak of the glory that You Are, so we have to use they metaphors. But these metaphors cannot really come close to the beauty of Your own Presence.

So this much is clear. This much is clear to all of you; when you're hear these words, you're able to verify that ‘I Am here. The ‘I Am’ is here. And I Am the Witness even to this Holy Presence’. It's very simple. Simpler than simple.

Then, what can happen? Also what is given birth with the birth of Your Holy Presence is that, within this Presence, is the birth of something called ‘the mind’. And this mind is there to trick you into believing that you are a separate person; to give some more juice to this appearance, to make it seem real, as if something is happening to You. So this mind gave birth, and it speaks with some authority, you see. No real authority but it speaks authoritatively. And because it speaks authoritatively, we have learned to follow. We have the power of belief. We have the power to pretend. So this pure Presence is here, but this mind convinces us that it is not enough. You could have some more; you could have something else. And we believe this; because first we believe that I am a separate person.

If it was clear to you that this Presence is God, and God is in service to You, then what would you ask for? What is the wish that you could have? Which relationship would you need, when the creator of the entire Universes is Your own Presence, is in service to You? What could you chase? What would you judge also? What could you say is right or wrong? Which concept is needed now? What real trouble can you have?

So, we just go with the presumption that ‘I am suffering this, I am suffering that; I am feeling this, I am feeling that’. Who is this ‘I’? Which idea about ourself have we picked up? we've picked up ideas like ‘Yes, yes, I understand intellectually. But I don't know this to be an experience, to be my living experience’. Then what must you do? You must just check.

Nothing can prevent this from being your living experience right now. Self-realization, (if you want to use that concept), is something available every moment.

But you choose something else. You choose thought. You choose to give your belief to the thought. And this is ultimately your only choice. But even this choice is not yours as a person. So I'm not speaking to any person, because no person controls belief. So this is a communion which Consciousness is having with Consciousness itself. And in your Heart, you know it is true like this; although your mind might be resisting, in your Heart you know it is true like this.

So, as Consciousness, You are choosing the concept of the person without really looking at what is present; without really looking at what You truly Are. Just like that drop of water in the ocean, pretending that it is controlling its life; pretending to be separate from the ocean. And in this drop, another appearance of another drop comes, and that drop says ‘Look, look! We are one; we are the ocean itself. It is all just one ocean. And all these drops are just expressions of the same ocean’. And then the drop says ‘Yes, but I get this intellectually’. Nah? [chuckles] Then what should I say? I can only say: Just check. Please check. Because I cannot check for you. I can only tell you what I have found. And I can see that all of this is just one ocean.

How can I convince you that You-Are-Consciousness? I cannot convince you. You have to check. And because you love me, you might believe me. But if it's just a belief, it will not last. You see? So even if the belief is useful, it is useful so that you have the momentum to check, you have the openness to check.

Without your looking, the inquiry is of no value. Then we are just peddling in words; and I don't want to be a peddler of fancy words. If they are not bringing you to a point where your mind opens, and you are just able to see the truth of What You Are, then what is the value of these words? Then we can have the same conversation for many lifetimes, it can be the same. I will keep saying ‘You are a drop in the ocean with no separate existence’ and you will keep saying that ‘Yes, yes, but I don't feel this’ and I will keep saying ‘Just check’. This can become one really long conversation like this. Because you cannot convince me that you are separate. And I cannot convince your mind that You are One. All that I am hoping to do is to convince you to just look, for your own self.

You see my dilemma? [chuckles] You see, I have to have a lot of ‘kid gloves’. Most of the times I'm wearing a lot of kid gloves, it seems like. Because what happens is if I tell the drop… I just want to shake the drop sometimes and say ‘Look, look, who you are. These words that you're speaking are not matching What You Truly Are. Just look’. Then the mind will take it on and say ‘Oh. He’s not being nice to me’. You see? ‘Aren't Guru's supposed to be loving?’ And just so that we continue this conversation, sometimes it feels here to just let it happen at its own pace. Just let it happen at its own pace. And then other times, then I ask for your permission to be a little strong.

But what is really the strongest question I can ask you? What is the strongest thing that I can tell you? It is only to check: ‘Who am I? Who is the one who is saying this?’ No stronger dose is required.

Then what happens? You say ‘Yes, yes. I know this is true; this is true’. And then some silence, and then ‘but, but… what about this?’ But this ‘but’ is not true. It cannot be true. It is just an imagination; it is just a concept.

And you know this now. Most of you know this now. Or as Moojiji sometimes tells us in the sangha, that sometimes I feel that you're just kidding. Sometimes I feel that you're just kidding. And then, after I take your question seriously, then you're going to tell me ‘Got ya!’ [chuckles] It's like this; he says like this. [chuckling a while].

So, whatever is convincing you that something is happening, don't believe it. Nothing is happening. Nothing is really happening. To say that something is happening could only mean that we’re falling for that old trick of believing that the appearance is meaningful; it applies to ‘me’. It only means that you've invented this ‘me’.

Don't invent the ‘me’ and then show me a problem. Nobody has been able to do this trick. Who can do it? Don't invent the ‘me’, don't pick it up, and then show me a problem. You see? That's why we made it super simple. When we say ‘Don't believe your next thought’ you cannot pick up a ‘me’. What happens when you don't believe the next thought? We cannot pick up this concept of ‘me’. And without this concept of ‘me’ then there is no trouble.

So, in the picking up of something, if it only leads to trouble, then why do we do it? There must be a part of us that is enjoying this game still. Let's not even say ‘enjoying’. Maybe there's a part of us that still finds something in the game meaningful, as if something in the game will get me somewhere. This must definitely be there. Looking for a better end to this story of ‘me’.

Leave your story to God. If you leave your story to God, then you don't pick up the ‘me’. [Silence]

You know the best part about having a Master? The best part about having a Guru is that these words are no longer theoretical. These words are no longer just theory. Most of our teachers have been theoretical teachers. They are telling us about some concepts. But the true Master, the best part about having Moojiji in our life, is to see that it is possible for Being to drop this idea of ‘person’. It is completely possible. Then you know that it's possible for Being to do this. And if it's possible here, then it must be possible here also.

Someone who is just speaking these words it's of no value; just speaking these words, it's of no value. But all of you have an intuitive understanding to be able to see, to be able to perceive where these words come from. Are they coming from a holy, auspicious place? Or are they still coming from a place of separation. All of you can tell.

AWARENESS CANNOT GO ANYWHERE

“It seems like mind is playing a game of indifference, or nothingness here; very subtle avoidance somehow.”

Your Truth cannot be avoided. You are your own unavoidable Truth, which means that this Awareness cannot go anywhere. You cannot turn it off. Even if you believe all the thoughts in your mind and you believe that you've become a person, you are actually only this Witnessing. Nothing real can change.

And once you have some sort of fear that ‘Yes, the mind can do this, it can make me avoid myself’ or something like that, then we’re giving it too much belief. It has no power over You. You are the untouched Awareness.

It is the nature of the mind to keep playing all sorts of games. And if you keep trying to change your mind or change the way it behaves, then it will become a struggle. So now you let the mind do whatever it is doing. But where are You?

You said ‘Mind is playing this game’. The game is seen. Then, is the Seeing affected by this game?

“Father, can I say something?” Yes, my dear, yes. “There is a … I'm not sure if I'm seeing now. There seems to be something mixed up with… nothingness seems to be mixed up with Awareness somehow. So, like, it has the power to blow Awareness away somehow. It's so strange, totally strange. I just know that this is not possible, but it's not my experience right now.”

So, let's see. What is your experience right now? Let's speak about the Right Now. What's your experience right now?

“Feeling-less feeling is my experience. I have no other word for this. And this seems to play. Somehow there's a feeling of nothing, and this seems to be a play.”

So, let's do this slowly. All of us can do like this, okay? So we said ‘What is your experience right now?’ So, right now, there seems to be this world with these appearances in front of you. There is a computer in which there is a hangout where all this is going on, Isn't it? you're aware of all of this? “Yes.” There is this whole external world and I am aware of this. This very moment, it seems to be here; this appearance is here. And You-as-Awareness, can you be touched by this external world in any way? “No. No.”

So then, let's go inside, inside. There can be some emotions, there can be some thoughts, there can be some sense of nothingness; there can even be a sense of nothingness.

So, is this aware of you, or are You aware of it?

“I am aware of it.” [Laughs]

Can this appearance also touch this Awareness in any way? Just like this computer cannot really come inside and touch you, can this… some feeling or some emotion or some thought also touch the Awareness?

“It still seems a little bit like that.”

‘Seems as though’ is a feeling. ‘Seems’ is also ‘It feels like that’. Feeling is also appearance. Feeling is also appearance. So we have to just check. How is it possible? How can this feeling really touch Me?

So, it cannot even touch Me; forget about ‘blowing Me away’. So the mind is saying ‘Oh, this feels like it will blow Awareness also away’. But who will report it? Who will report it if there's no Awareness of it being blown away, then you will not ever be able to say that it can happen.

[She laughs]

All can happen. All appearances are dancing only for Awareness. Without Awareness, no appearance. Where could Awareness go? You see? Where could it go?

It does not even go in sleep state. Everything else goes; thoughts, feelings, emotions, world, people, relationships, money, body. Everything goes in sleep state. But Awareness still remains. And Awareness is there that ‘I am sleeping’ and Awareness is there that ‘This is the waking state’. So, who decides that this is waking state or sleep state? Who is aware of this? It is Awareness itself.

So, the Presence or absence of Consciousness, the Presence or absence of Consciousness is also.., Awareness is aware of. So the birth of God or the dissolution of God is also … there is Awareness even of that. So this Awareness in which God gives birth… and then with the birth of God, all these Universes and all appear; this Awareness, how can something shake It? How can anything blow It away? Just a concept. Just a mind-fear. Just a fear from the mind. It cannot really happen.

“there's still something in it. I cannot …”

Stay with me. You see, sometimes what happens is that we make an image out of Awareness. We say ‘This pure emptiness or nothingness is Awareness. And this now Awareness is going, because something is coming into it’. You see? This is just visuals. This is just visualization. You are the Awareness which is aware of this visualization also. So, don't give any credence to this visualization. Don't give any importance to this visualization. You are Aware of Being…

“Now I can find it a little better. It's more like something from the past which I made up to control situations; to make it into nothing so that nothing can touch me. And this somehow has juice because it's pretty convincing, in a way. Very near. And I did it my whole life. I looked at things from……”

This ‘I’ is who?

“This ‘I’ … this identity… yes, and That's … it's just… I can just see it. Now I can see it.”

So, it played like this. We can say that…., in this expression of Consciousness, we can say that ‘Something played like this, and now it's coming back’. And now we can see that ‘It played like this’ was all just a play of Consciousness. But I believed that there was an ‘I’ here. I believed that there was a ‘me’ here. And now I look for the ‘me’ and I cannot find it. Yet these tendencies want to keep jumping back and forth. But as long as I don't feed them with this belief and make a ‘me’ out of it, then they will just dance for a while and will not be so strong, because they're not getting my belief now’.

But if you indulge them, if you indulge yourself by making them a ‘me’, if you pretend to be a ‘me’ then all this can seem to become strong again.

“Yes.” [Silence]. “Yes.” [Silence] “I leave it here with you. [Laughs] That's the best thing I can do. It's so new to look from here at it. I never saw it before. So, thank you.”

Very welcome. Very good. All this is coming up, and it's getting exposed in the light of satsang so you can be released from it. All this is getting released. Many times in satsang what happens is we say ‘Oh, this one’s here. I never realized it's here’. So it's very auspicious that it comes up, you see, because what comes up you can see like this. It's very good because it's getting released. What is hidden, what has been in denial, that is the one that can cause suffering. “Yes.” That which we are not open to facing. That causes suffering, that causes guilt.

Now you're open for everything. Let it come. And then sometimes great chocolate flavored experiences, sometimes bitter moments… and all this is coming and it's getting released.

“Thank you.”

Very good. Very welcome.

THERE IS NO PROBLEM WITHOUT THIS ‘ME’

Don't pick up the ‘Me’.

[silence]

That is the whole meaning of what we've been saying, you see. If you look at this ocean example, it is the same. It's very clear that it is a drop which is pretending to be separate, saying that ‘Oh, but this is happening to me. I feel it, that my life has all these up’s and down’s and my choices are making all the difference’.

But who is making the drop go up and down? Is the drop deciding to go up and down? The ocean is moving because the ocean is moving.

[silence]

Now look at all your problems; all the problems which you felt you had, and see how there is a ‘me’ in those. And if there is a problem which is without the ‘me’ then you can bring it up. I would like to hear something like that. All the problems which you felt you had… see how there is this invented concept of ‘me’. Without this, the problem dissolves.

Is there anyone now… (there are ten of us in the hangout, and thirty one of us watching outside), in the forty of us, can we bring up one problem without this ‘me’? Seriously, look at it; and in this moment see that you are FREE from problems. You have never had a problem. All worry was made up. All fear means nothing. All decisions are this drop in the ocean, pretending to decide whether to go left or right; as if it can do something.

“No problems I ever had, father. I see it.”

Don't avoid this question. It might seem trivial, it might seem like ‘This is basic for me. I don't need to see’. But just see that all these problems are only because I invented a ‘me’ or I picked up the ‘me’. There is no problem without this ‘me’.

JANUARY 27

A THOUGHT IS ALWAYS TELLING YOU SOMETHING IS MISSING

The mind can only speak rubbish. It will be saying the best sounding things. The most well-dressed thoughts are nothing; are just garbage in good clothes.

What do you need a thought for? To need a thought, would mean that there is something missing. If there is nothing missing, then what guidance is required from this false interpreter?

The thoughts are always are telling you that something is missing. That is what is called a need. You believe the thought and it becomes a need. Even if the thought is saying ‘I Am That’ (which means that there is still ‘That’ which is away from ‘me’), even the separation, even this saying ‘I Am That’, it cannot say anything. It cannot say ‘I Am That, I Am This, I Am Here, I am Now’. All of this is coming from mind. It doesn't mean anything, because it's putting everything in this framework of time and space; because That's all it knows. The mind doesn't not know what is prior to time and space. So be clear about that. You are not ‘here’. You are not here; here spatially. You are not here spatially.

Many times it is said in satsang that: ‘You Are Here, just Here’. And the mind hears this ‘here’ as ‘here in this location, in this time and space’. It is not this. Where are you right now? Where are you looking from? This body is located in time and space; the mind, the thoughts, are appearing in this appearance, in front; they seem like they are in front.

But Where Are You Watching From?

Are You Inside This Body Somewhere, Inside This Space?

How Big Are You?

Are You Something Small Sitting Inside This Head?

What Is Your Size? Tell Me your Dimension?

Just see: How Long Have You Been in Existence?

What Are You Before Your Body Came?

Who Are You In Deep Sleep?

Who Are You In Your Dreams, When Another Body Comes?

Where Are You Looking From?

What Are You Looking As?

Who is aware even that some seeing is happening through your senses, through your eyes? There is Awareness that seeing is happening; eyes are open.

Then there is awareness that there no seeing is happening through senses.

But did this Awareness change when there was seeing or not seeing? Did the Witness get affected? Then how can that which seems to appear in front of these eyes have any effect on us?

If the witnessing was unchanged, whether eyes are open or closed then how can that which is appearing only when these senses are functioning affect you; what you are? Can it?

Then why do we give so much importance to that which is appearing through these senses, if it cannot touch you, if it cannot come close to you, if it is not in the same realm, it is not even the same Universe? This is the projected Universe; this is the projected universe. You are not in this universe, you are just the Witness of this.

That's why I say that even if this entire universe burst in to pieces then ‘I will be untouched’. When this is said, something for some of you starts getting pushed, some buttons getting pushed: ‘Oh, but my loved ones are here, my attachments are here, my Master is here’… these kind of things. It is not True. If it was True then this appearance would be actually affected by some appearances. This is what is called special relationships, where these special relationships could have some effect really on what you are. But that is impossible.

February 2015

FEBRUARY 2

GUIDED MEDITATION: THIS IS GOD’S BODY

“So the understanding is the same as experience. Thank you Father.”

This is very good. Yes, yes. That's why we say that true understanding is not coming from mental concepts. It's not just something theoretical. We can see like this, we can verify this instant.

So this mind, it's nothing but a bundle of these energies. They seem like thoughts, they seem like memories, imagination. And then emotions, another set of energies. And then we label them - anger, regret, fear, excitement. Just energies.

And how do we experience the body? We're also aware of the sensations which seem to appear in the body. Another set of energies.

And how do we experience the outer seeming world? Any physicist will tell you that its just another form of energies, which are senses are able to perceive. So this entire appearance is just a set of different energies. And this can be checked right away.

So we can see that the thoughts are just coming and going. Emotions also are there... and different sort of qualitative feeling about them. And how do you experience the body also? Why do you say that 'it is my body'? All of us can check this right now. Become aware of all the sensations in the body. And these sensations are just appearances.

Notice where you are. It can seem like you are inside the body. It can seem like you are inside the head. That's only because these sensations are here. But where are you aware of these sensations from? Aren't they just sensations which seem to be appearing in front of you and disappearing in front of you? Are these sensations happening to you? Or are you just aware of them?

All this bundle of emotions, soup of sensations.... is any of this happening to a tangible entity called 'you'? Can we look right now and find such an entity? Without using our imagination. Without using our minds. Can we find the experiencer of these energies and sensations? Is there anything tangible that you can call a 'you' or a 'me'? Where is the Awareness of all of these sensations? Is the body aware of itself? Or is Awareness aware of the body also?

Pick up any sensation in your body, bring your attention to it and find out who is a aware of this sensation? And is this Awareness in any way affected by whatever the sensation might be? Whatever the bodily sensation might be, is this Awareness touched by it?

[Silence]

You are aware of this sensation. This sensation is not aware of you. And in this way you stay completely untouched by whatever might be happening in the body. By whatever movement might be happening, whatever sensations might be happening... because you can see that you are the Awareness.

Check if this Awareness is concerned by the appearance or disappearance of anything at all. Find out if this Awareness has any preferences.

[Silence]

This body is dying. All bodies are dying. But can you die? Can this Awareness be touched by death also? Are you really concerned whether this sensation of the body stays or goes? Do you have a preference even in this? Or are even these preferences just imagined?

[Silence]

Observe if there is any pain in the body. And in most bodies, on looking for it you will be able to find some pain that you might not even have been aware of. And just stay with it. Don't try to fight it. Notice that Awareness is unaffected even with this pain. You have no preference even about pain.

Set your body free from the oppression of the mind. This is God's body. The entire phenomenal universe is the body of God. And this body also belongs to Being – just like the entire universe belongs to Being, this body is also Being's problem. This Being does everything. This Consciousness, this I Am-ness is the One Doer. So who are you that pretends to take care of this body?

Who am I? What am I? Where am I?

May all of us be forever free from all concepts about the body.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti.

Satguru Sri Moojiji ki Jai! [Namaste]

FEBRUARY 3

TRUE LOVE IS NOT PERSONAL. TRUE LOVE IS FREEDOM.

You are asking these questions. Very good. Because most of the world has confused love and need. You see, like you said, love and attachment, it's not the same thing actually. It's very different, you see. Love is not the same as attachment, love is not the same as need. What is love? What is love? The Presence of Being; then there are the arising of these energies called love, called peace, called joy, called bliss. There is nothing you can do to create love. See, love arises on its own.

And, we say that, for the unassociated Being, when you are empty of concepts then you will find that love is in service to you. So, this is love. It's very pure, very beautiful.

And what is need? Need needs a lot of work. Need needs belief in concepts. Need needs. [Laughter] Need needs us; for us to believe in some thoughts. And when we believe ourselves to be a person, then we can say that ‘I-as-a-person need companionship. I need the other. I need to be taken care of. I need to be loved’. All this need. There cannot be need without first believing in the person concept, you see? So this need is called attachment. That ‘I cannot do without this one’ is just a thought, you see. It seems like we are sitting with our beloved. Where are we actually? We’re still just the witness of the entire play.

So first we must have invented this person, given belief to this person, to then have attachments; because all attachments are personal. All attachments are personal, you see, but true love is not personal. True love is freedom. If there is true love in a relationship, you will not try to bind them and they will not try to bind you. But need needs to hold on, it needs to grasp. It needs a relationship to go in a certain way.

So then, the question is: ‘Ok, I have understood now that love and attachments are two different things. So now, what should I do? Now what should I do?’ And then, we can answer. To this question we can say: ‘Just allow your Presence to speak. Don't have any concepts about relationship, and you're there. Another is in front of you, a seeming-another is in front of you; let the One who has created this situation also come up with the words that are supposed to be spoken. Let everything flow like this very beautifully. No trying to manipulate, no trying to maneuver.

So the Self can play, Consciousness actually can play the role of a mother, a child, of a beloved. All roles can be played very easily. Can the One who is running this entire Universe not run your life? It is actually His life. This one that says ‘It is my life, as a separate one’ does not exist at all. Your life is whose problem?

THE SELF HAS NO PROBLEM DEALING WITH ANY RELATIONSHIP

The person cannot handle a single relationship. So if you try to do it with your mind, you will only get to frustration, you will only get to friction; all kinds of things that exist in all relationships, most relationships.

So first don't expect them to change. You see, what is the trouble in relationships is that we want them to give us our freedom completely, but we want them to change. And like this, (if you hear it for the first time you might not get the contradiction in this), the irony in this, you see, is that we want complete freedom, complete freedom to be exactly as we please, but we are not willing to give the same freedom to our loved ones. Are we willing to accept their non-acceptance of us? So their non-accepting of an attribute; it could be satsang. Suppose they don't accept satsang? Are you accepting that they are allowed to be like this, or are you treating their non-acceptance with your own non-acceptance? So then non-acceptance is meeting non-acceptance and causes all the explosions.

In this realm, in this play of interpersonal relationships, it needs two egos for there to be conflict. In the play it seems like it is two egos, but actually it's ‘the same guy’. But here, if you are not responding to these situations from the ego, from this concept of belief in thoughts, then how is it possible to have [conflict]? So remember that I am speaking in the realm of relationships.

From the ultimate perspective even all of this play, even conflict, is all the doing of Consciousness itself. But right now that might not be the most helpful thing for you to hear. So you must say that “What is the trouble? The trouble is that I want to be exactly the way I want to be, but am I giving the same freedom to everyone? Am I giving the same freedom to the world?’ And then what trouble can God have in dealing with a relationship? Can God have any trouble in dealing with any relationship? But don't expect God to dance to your mind’s tunes. Your mind is saying that ‘I want the relationship to go in a particular way’. And the mind knows nothing. It does not know what you truly need.

I had a beautiful conversation with a friend the other day and he was saying that ‘It is so beautiful how this relationship happened. We just met and things just seemed to flow, and so beautifully we were in this beautiful relationship; now why does there have to be conflict? Why does there have to be conflict?’ It had to be said that: this is the same one who is running that show of getting together so beautifully which is also running this show of this seeming conflict.

The life in every moment is giving us a gift of teaching us acceptance. To be able to let go is the greatest acceptance. And letting go does not mean it has to be let go in the physical realm, but let go of all concepts about relationships. And then you will see that all of this that happens in this phenomenal realm is just playing out on its own.

And don't have any concepts about it. Many of you have these concepts like ‘Okay, now that I am free or now that I am coming to satsang, then my body should not get sick. Nothing should happen because I am the free one now, enlightened one; my body should not get sick’. In the same way you might have a concept that ‘Okay, now that I am free, then I should not have any conflict in any interpersonal situations’. It's not necessarily like this.

It can come, it can play out sometimes; anger can come and irritation can come, all these can come. But what you will find is that none of it can last. So anger can come but resentment cannot come, resentment cannot last. Sometimes I tell you like this, Isn't it, that sometimes I could start an argument or that I could find myself in an argument and midway through the argument I start laughing and wondering what is going on. But then, just to keep up the game, you have to come up and say something, you see? So like this, you are unable to hold onto any resentment as you see the game in all of this. You see the unreality of the person here and there. Actually spiritual… the ones in Sangha have this very common problem which is that they are still able to see that they are not the person here, but they are not able to see that there is no person ever in front of them. No person exists.

So we have not made a non-person out of you, we have not made a non-person out of you. We have only showed you what You Are. So we have taken something which was getting all your attention and belief, and we have asked you to keep it aside for just an instant and just too really check what you are. And you saw that ‘I cannot be this, I cannot be just an idea’. And in this simple seeing, this person concept starts dissolving. Because there was never a person here and there is never another person in the appearance also.

It is all One Being, it is all One Seeing.

Now, how can you hold a grievance? Who are you holding a grievance against? You are not holding, Isn't it? Because then it is God holding a grievance against God himself. If there is no person, then who has the grievance and against who?

So is there someone here who is not able to let go of a grievance? Then you throw it in the fire of satsang today and be done with it.

FEBRUARY 9

CONTEMPLATION: AFTER PEACE, WHAT'S NEXT?

What if we could just realize the right Self now? And see that this is my true Self. Self Realization is only this seeing that ‘I Am this pure Awareness Itself and I could never have been this person’.

All moves through the will of the Being which is present here. Even rebirths will happen through Your will as God. It will not be contrary to your Being. So the Presence here, the God here, the Consciousness here, the ‘I Am-ness’ is the one doer and the one experiencer. All moves in accordance with His will. This Beingness is You. And ultimately we can say that this Beingness also is born within You and also dissolves within You; therefore is made up of Awareness as well.

Nothing can happen to you contrary to Your will; even rebirths. Rebirth will only happen if it Your will that you want some more of this phenomenal experiencing. If you have had enough of this phenomenal experiencing, then I don't feel that it can happen.

So I am speaking to You as Consciousness itself. Obviously all of this cannot depend on the whims and fancies of a person, so we cannot have a conversation like this with the mind because the mind cannot understand this. But You-as-Consciousness, somewhere it must remain true, what is being spoken here, even if the mind comes to resist. Even that resistance is seen. But somewhere, something must be ringing true; That's why these words also, are emerging like this.

So let us look at this Self-realization. For this realization of the Self, we have this simple question that we can ask, which is: ‘Am I Aware Now?’

Put aside, just for a few moments, this resistance that ‘Self-realization cannot be this simple’. This thought will come that ‘It cannot be this. Or even if it is this, then I have to abide in it’ or something like that. Just put all of that aside. Very innocently ask yourself this question: ‘Am I Aware Now?’

You will not see anything. If you are seeing a visual, that is pretending to be Awareness, reject that visual also. Don't give any belief to that. Just simply: ‘Am I Aware Now?’ Like this, in great simplicity, you will find that Awareness is here: ‘Yes, I Am Aware’.

But how do I know this? Because there is awareness even of Awareness itself. This, simply like this, is the realization of the Self. And it cannot leave you, it cannot leave You. You Are That. You Are This. This Awareness is the Awareness which is aware of the entire universe of phenomenal appearance. So the appearance of the mind will come and go but the Awareness which is aware of nothing and something, which is aware of mind and no mind, which is aware of body and no body, aware of work and no work: This Awareness You Are. This is the Self and you are realizing it.

So, Self-realization actually is the simplest thing, simpler than simple. That is why it is completely impossible for the mind. That which needs no effort is completely impossible for the mind, because the mind is only focused on ‘What should I do? What next?’ This is all the language that the mind understands. And this is the tendency which is getting erased now. This is a very deep, very primal tendency; a very deep conditioning of ‘What do I do next? Yes, I have understood and there is peace now, but what do I do now?’

This also will get burnt in this fire of Satsang, as long as we don't feed it with something. That is why I am not giving you a practice, because to give you a practice would be to feed it with something, which would give some validity to this question ‘What next?’ or ‘What do I do?’ If I give you something, it is like giving these tendencies something to eat and make it stronger.

Notice here, right now, is not concerned about ‘the next’. It is only the voice of this mind that says ‘What next?’ You are the Self, you have only been the Self. You cannot become a non-self even if you tried. You cannot become ‘the person’ even if you give it all your attention and belief. You can only pretend, you can never become. Because there is always the Awareness which is aware even of this play of pretending to be a person and the withdrawal of pretending to be a person. Isn't it?

This You which is aware that You Are Aware, it's not a complicated sentence. You are aware that Awareness is here. You are aware that You are aware. This one is prior to the mind. I Am Aware, I Am Awareness. The mind is not a party to this type of conversation because it doesn't know what the hell we are talking about, because awareness is so, so far beyond its realm of understanding that it has no clue right now.

So that is why, for some of you, there might be a little resistance; some frustration might be coming. Because it doesn't know. So even this monkey, let it jump around and throw all the tantrums it wants. Some kids have this ability that when they throw tantrums they can become blue, they can hold their breath and become blue, and that can cause some fear. But this one, let the mind throw whatever tantrums. Let it say ‘I don't understand. This is too difficult. This path is not for me. Why am I stuck here?’ All this rubbish can come. But you see that there is an awareness even of this tantrum, of whatever the mind could be saying.

You will never find Yourself, if you were to just look, you will never find yourself in the content. You will never find yourself in the appearance. You will always say that ‘I Am this Awareness Itself”. Because if I was to ask you ‘What is the distance between yourSelf and This Awareness?’ what would you say? [You’d say] ‘No distance’.

That which is at no distance from me, That which has no separation from me, then I must be That. Isn't it? What do we call That which is of no distance and has no separation from me? Then That must be Me Itself. This pure Seeing can never find any separation, can find nothing that distinguishes this seeing from I, the Absolute I. Therefore: I must be this Awareness Itself.

FEBRUARY 11

CONTEMPLATION: A DIP IN THE GANGA

The question just came to me saying ‘Why do we wake up?’ And I don't mean wake up in the liberation sense or moksha sense. I just mean, why do we wake up? Why don't we just spend all our time in deep sleep state? Even if it automatically wakes up, we can take some medication and just sleep all day, Isn't it? But why do we wake up? There must be something which wants to taste this Being, experience Being. Why? Because this Being is so sublime, so beautiful. But then what happens is this Being comes and very quickly all the other seeming-distractions also come, the world of appearances. And we very quickly we put all our attention and belief into the distractions of the appearances which are there. And we forgot that this pure Being woke up. Your own Presence.

The presence of God is already here. Waking state means the presence of God is here. This is exactly what they must have meant when they said that ‘you're already sitting on top of the treasure and you're begging for pennies’. Gangaji has this book called ‘Diamond In Your Pocket’. So what is this diamond in your pocket? And if you have a diamond in your pocket then why do you go around looking for other small, small rocks and pebbles? It's very simple like this.

Waking state means presence of God is here. The mind will say ‘But I don't feel the presence of God’. But it's very simple. In this simple question, we have made it very easy; because you cannot stop being now. Can you stop being now? This Being which cannot be stopped, this Presence which is here; That I Am. I exist. It's undeniable, except from the mind. The mind can say anything it wants. You see?

So if waking state is here, and that means the presence of God is here, now what else could we want? Can there be any wanting which is more beautiful than what is already here? So, the true point of Satsang actually is to bring you back to this Holy Presence. And if this is done, then it is done. Because this Presence is there. Then to see that I am aware even of this Presence is very easy. You see?

And sometimes in Satsang actually you take a giant leap, which is beyond even Presence. You automatically, very quickly see that: ‘Yes I'm this simple awareness of all that is.’

Some of you have said this, Isn't it? That ‘I did not even come to this stage of experiencing this Presence. It was so clear that I'm just the simple witnessing of all this that I see no inclination even to marinate in this holy Presence’. Many of you have had this also. The direct, quantum leap, beyond even Presence, straight to the Absolute. So you must not feel, if this happened, you must not feel ‘Oh, I missed out on something’. So even this Being, even the Presence of God is born within you. And you have tasted this now tasteless Presence of Your own true Self. So Awareness has no taste even, you see?

When we say ‘Are you aware now?’ the mind will look for a taste. But actually, you see that ‘Yes, of course I'm aware, but there's no taste in this’. It's like pure water has no taste. Awareness being aware of itself has no taste. So it can be very, very easy like this. The tasteless Awareness and the sublime Beingness. What else is needed? Can there be anything at all which you can say is missing?

But neither of these are understandable by the mind. So if you try to convince your mind about something, if you want to know something, then the whole thing starts. Then the seeker identity, all that trouble, will start. But it's very simple like this. Just to see that this pure Awareness is here. And sometimes you find that attention, everything, is drowning in the holy Presence of you own Being. You lose track of all time and space. there's no room for time, there's no room for space. there's no interest in it actually.

So there's this beautiful sublimity in your own Being. There is no experience in the appearance, which is as pure as This. Nothing that the senses can bring you can match this pure innocence of Being itself. Everything is complete here. It's no effort, no time, nothing.

Then in the Presence of Satsang, the power of this mind gets dissolved; so that it stops being a distraction as much as it was. Very simply, you just see what is already here. Untouched Beingness; unassociated, unconcerned. And you are higher than that also. You are That which is unconcerned even with Beingness. Even with the Presence or absence of Beingness, you are not concerned.

This world of appearances is just a projection of this Consciousness. And even in the projection, you create these metaphors for what is real. So just the attention taking a dip in Beingness is like metaphorically represented as you taking a dip in the Ganga or you getting a darshan of Arunachala (or something like that). These are just visual metaphors actually for what is truly happening. Right now your attention can just take a dip inside your own Beingness. And you will find that the love, peace and joy, they come to experience this beautiful dip of your attention into Atma, into Beingness. And every force, every energy rejoices this beautiful experience of just attention marinating in this pure Being which is here.

This is the nectar of your immortality. This is the amrit that they speak of. This is the real Ganga. Nothing can touch you here. You cannot be attacked. Nothing needs to be defended. [Silence]

I'm not here to play with any words, because too much word play is already here in this appearance. There are a lot of words. I'm here to point to the living experience of Your own holy Presence, which sometimes you seem to forget. [Silence]

Just forget about everything you have learned. Forget about that which you think you have become. And in this moment, experience the birth of Being, which is completely fresh every moment. And yet you remain the unborn.

God can take birth inside you and God can play with the world as much as it likes. But you cannot be born here. [Long Silence]

Let your life belong to this God, this Being. Let all actions belong to this Being. Emotions belong to this Being. You remain as the unborn Witnessing, the unborn Awareness.

Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi]’s Presence is here. And this is his blessing for all of you.

May you be forever free from all delusions and remain at peace.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

FEBRUARY 12

HOW ARE THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS CONNECTED?

“I was wondering if you can please explain about how thoughts and actions and appearances are connected to each other?”

There is one cause. And if you can see it as one cause, this one cause is Consciousness itself. If you can see it like this, then it is very simple. But if we start then trying to delve into Karma, and this action, reaction, phenomenal movement, and all of this, then all the complication can start. If you can see that it is in the Presence of your Being that this entire play goes on, and when Being is not here there is nothing, nothing phenomenal, to report on. There is just a simple awareness of this Nothingness.

So then, in the Presence of Consciousness, if this play is going on like this… there is a beautiful line in the Yoga Vasistha which says that the crow comes and sits on a branch of a coconut tree, and a coconut falls down. It's very beautiful, it's very subtle. The mind will make this pattern, will make this correlation, that because a crow went and sat on the coconut branch, That's why this coconut fell down. But it just happened, you see?

The crow coming, the crow sitting there, coconut falling; all is in service to your Being. All is an appearance for your Being. If you let the mind in, it will say ‘this equals this, therefore this’ and it tries to create patterns where none exist. Anything is possible in the next moment. In the next instant this body could drop; it's completely possible.

So it can seem like ‘I thought this therefore I did this’. But you will not be able to tell me the link between the thought and the action. The link is always only imagined. This ‘I’ who thought this, and this ‘I’ who did this is only imagined. That's why my Master says: ‘You are not the thinker of thought, nor the doer of action’. Thought is coming, thought is going; action is coming, action is going. It's all one big seeming.

Otherwise, it can seem like ‘Oh, I must do something. What should I do, what can I not do?’ And if this is strong, then even for this we have given you a simple pointing, Isn't it? Even for this ‘What should I do?’ we've given you a very simple pointing. It is: Just don't believe your next thought.

I know I keep belaboring this point. The point is that we just have these two days now before the break for five weeks [since Mooji is in Rishikesh, no Ananta satsangs for those 5 weeks]. And it can be that something is still resisting the simplest of pointings; the simplest of pointings which can show you that you ARE free from suffering in this moment.

So sometimes the mind can come and say ‘Yes, yes, not believing my next thought works for most situations’. The mind can create this sort of resistance. ‘Yes it works, mostly but with my body pain thing it doesn't work’. It's not true like this. It's not true.

You cannot suffer without believing a thought. It can be anything. You can say ‘Yes, not believing my next thought works for everything except my relationship. In the relationship, I better show up as a person and start believing my thoughts’. Anything, anything where there is some attachment, in the appearance we have created some unnatural attachment, then we can play like this; the resistance can come.

So for you it might be pain, for someone else it might be relationship, for somebody else it might be work, you see. Many times we get this question also that ‘When at work, I have to believe my thoughts’. It's not true. It's not true.

So this cause and effect is just a fallacy, just a fallacy. And I can give it to you in Latin if you like. you've heard me say it before, Isn't it? It's ‘post hoc ergo propter hoc’. Just because something followed another thing doesn't mean that the prior thing is the cause of it.

Because we make a thread; we make this imagination seem real, the imagination of the person. And if this person seems real, then all this is happening to the person. ‘Oh, the person had this thought. The person did this action’. Actually most of humanity is also believing that they're creating their thoughts. ‘I must think positive’. We’re in this belief that we’re creating our thoughts.

We try and think positive, ‘think positive’, and sometimes the mind goes along for a while just to play with you. ‘I can do it, yes!’ Then in two minutes something will come up. And you can see this when there are silent retreats, or some beautiful settings like this, you see, and then everybody, initially is very quiet, it's very beautiful. Somebody steps out and they shout by mistake, huh, and everybody’s mind starts attacking them immediately saying ‘Why can't they be quiet? They can't follow an instruction’. How long does this ‘think positive’ last? It doesn't. Just a game.

So most of humanity is believing that they are the creators, as personal creators of thoughts. How do you create your thought? What raw material do you use? How do you pull up the words? How do you put them together? Can anyone answer this? Do you take the alphabet from somewhere and you say ‘This is what I'm going to think’? Is it like this? You'll see it is not like this. It is just coming.

So now most of you who are in satsang can see that ‘Yes, a thought is just appearing’. But sometimes what is sticky is this belief that ‘the action is as a result of my thought’. But so many actions are happening right now. Your entire body is moving. Internally, so many processes are happening; your heart is beating, your eyes are blinking. Who is doing all of this?

It is the same Consciousness which is beating your heart, which is also the cause of all action. And when you remove this concept of doership, if you remove these concepts of cause and effect, then every moment is so beautifully fresh.

Otherwise we’re just constantly worried about [the] past; living our life in the past, or worried about the future. What about Now? What about Now? Why are we so attracted to speaking about past or future? Why not now? [short silence]

So allow the Presence of satsang to dip your attention in the Now. And today what might be happening is that ‘Oh, I said, everyone should come up for some time [on the Google Hangout to be seen], so most of the time you're just thinking about what you're going to say when you come up. It's not like this. Let that also just flow. Let it just flow.

There is only one cause and one effect which is Consciousness itself. And even if it is applicable, the law of Karma, even if it was applicable, that your thoughts create action, and then your action creates reaction, which then creates thought, which then creates new action… even if all of this was there, Law of Karma, like this it operates… even if it was there, does it really work on you? Is it really operating on you? Or is it only operating on this conceptual entity called the person, on this imagined entity called ‘the person’?

So, I'm not saying that Karma is not there. I'm only saying it's not for You. It's just for this play, for this dream character. And as long as you want a particular outcome with this dream character, then it will only get sticky and sticky. That's why it's good to clarify. Even very openly you can say in Satsang: ‘This is what I want. I want Freedom but Freedom must have these conditions along with it’. Then at least you're clear ‘Ok, this will convince you of your Freedom’.

YOU WILL LOSE THE ABILITY TO SUFFER

“I just want to say, in the last few days, there have been lots of pretty painful experiences; and when I first came to Satsang, I was gonna say ‘this happened’ and’ that happened’ and ‘I was this’ and ‘I was that’. And as I've been sitting here listening to you, I just realized that through all these painful experiences, there's been no suffering an all. there's just been peace. And the pain is felt, I have felt pain, but there's no suffering. Little things happen but it feels like they just dissolve and sort themselves out. And I'm in your heart and you're in my heart, and there's nothing more that needs to be done. Nothing. Everything unfolds as it's meant to. I just wanted to come here and say ‘Thank you so much, thank you’.”

This is very good, very good. Pain will not stop. You will lose the ability to suffer. This conditioned world, in this realm there is going to be pain. It could be emotional pain, it could be physical body pain. See, momentary, all these things will happen. You will find that you cannot hold on to any of it, if it is allowed.

Strong emotion might come up sometime; it might seem painful. We’re not even the judge of whether it is coming or it is going, what is happening, because it is all God’s problem. All the SatGuru's problem. So let the one who is appearing as life, also take care of life. [Silence]

Then you are completely open to the pain also, completely open.

Many have this idea that, one who is true will not say ouch, complaining. It's not like this; that is just another mind trick. So pain can come, the ouch can come, all of this can come. But You-as-Awareness are completely untouched by it.

Like I was saying, many of you have no desire for any outcome. You know, many of us are still waiting for an outcome of a ‘free person’.

When we have no desire for any outcome, that itself is freedom.

Freedom is not waiting.

WHERE IS THIS ONENESS?

“You know towards the end of the last satsang, you said to me ‘When you look, you only see Freedom, but you cannot make me believe’. You said ‘Ok, what do I need to convince me?’ After the satsang finished, all these thoughts… The first thought that came to me (was) ‘If he can't even convince me, what is the point of going to Satsang?’”

Yes, yes, That's good. ‘He can't even convince me’. Yes, I know this, I know these thoughts. [Laughter]

“And then all these ideas came up; what Freedom should be. Most of it I could see they are just ideas that I collected from what I hear other people describe it as, or when they share their experience, I think ‘Oh that sounds juicy’. My experience is not like that. But the one that stuck was that ‘Oh, if it's true then there is no feeling of Oneness’. Like, ‘Oh I don't feel Oneness. If Oneness is not there then how can it be true?’ I…I…That's the one that kind of….”

Oh, this is good. Many of us have this question, which is that ‘Yes, complete Freedom is in the Now but where is Oneness that they speak of?’

Oneness is What? Oneness is What? Oneness is…..

Where is the Twoness that has to become Oneness, with another appearance; or what are we speaking of, with another person?

“Yes, I realize it was… Oh, because when I speak there is a ‘me’ and I feel there is a ‘you’ and then there is all these ‘others’. So yes, I was expecting some kind of a feeling of… suddenly I should feel like there is no me and you and all these others, there is just One. And it doesn't feel like that.”

It is good you say like this. And That's why we often talk about this example of Awareness and ‘appearance’. So in this, what happens is that what is really happening is that we want these separate, separate appearances like One. Isn't it?

We want these separate Appearances, (my body, this body, this another-one, anyone I should meet); it should all seem like one. It is another invented idea of Oneness. This is the invented idea of Oneness.

The Oneness we speak of is to see that: Yes, Awareness is here and Awareness is the root of all of this. Even Consciousness is born from this Awareness.

So this Being is here.

So there is One Seeing, One Being.

Then, in this one Being there seems to be the rising of all these multitude of billions of appearances. But it is still One Being.

You cannot testify to the validity of another Being. You can only say ‘I Am’. You can never say ‘You Are’.

In this way it is seen that this Oneness is here. This is Oneness. It is not a forced Oneness that ‘I must see everyone as One, I must love everyone equally’. You see, all these kind of questions can come… ‘If I am Free, then my children and any other children must seem like they are the same to me. But I feel that I have to be a parent to my children, and I don't feel that I have to be a parent to every child. Why is this?’

So the mind can play these kind of tricks. It is just that Consciousness is playing those roles, in the appearance itself. All these roles are being played. So don't expect that the movie will change. All that is going to happen is that you see that ‘All of this is happening in the light of my Being. This movie is projected in the light of my Being’. And this is Oneness

You can never prove the existence of Two. Only this pure unassociated Being can be experienced here. And from this vantage point, then you cannot show me any Two. All you can say that ‘All this is just appearing and disappearing, appearing and disappearing’. And we are not concerned with the Appearances.

You will also see that there is never the ‘appearance’ without you. Some of this might sound little silly. But you must look at it, because the mind will resist. It is not silly, it is very beautiful and subtle.

To see that in this world of appearances, first there must be a Presence of Me; a presence of I Am.

For any experience first there must be this ‘I Am-ness’. It could be dream experience, it could be this so-called waking experience. There is always a You first. This Being is there first, then all the appearances can dance around in the way they want. But this Being is not spilt up in any way.

And then it might happen that, once you see this, once you marinate in this then you might feel like hugging everybody around you. But that doesn't mean that it is more Oneness. It might feel like you want to go live in a cave also. Either is ok.

That is just a movement in appearance. That has nothing to do with reality of Freedom. Don't let your mind dictate what Freedom looks like, because the mind knows nothing about it. And billions are trying to find peace, they are trying to find happiness through the mind. And nobody is finding; not lasting peace anyways.

What is everybody doing? 99.9999% of humanity is just dancing to the tunes of the mind. Isn't it? Are they finding everlasting Freedom from suffering? Anybody you know? It doesn't work like this, doesn't work like this.

So even in satsang or even in spirituality, if we are going to dance to the tunes of the mind then we will just keep dancing only. We will not come to rest. We will keep running of this treadmill, which is not going anywhere.

So don't tell me what your thoughts are saying. Tell me what YOU are saying.

[Ananta looks at Questioner] That smile says a lot, you see. It says much more than the thoughts can say.

Drop any concept about Freedom. There is nothing like Freedom, forget about it.

Papaji used to be even stronger. Papaji would say that ‘It is not going to happen to you, just forget about it’. At least he used to say ‘…not in this lifetime at least. Wait for your next birth, then we’ll see what happens.’

And many would say ‘This is so much relief’. It sounds like something strong, you see, and then so much relief comes over. It is the seeker identity is dropped. Then no possibility of specialness, arrogance; nothing can come. Freedom… Freedom… what is that? I don't know.

Don't go for Freedom. Don't go for Freedom.

Just stay here Now. This moment, right Now.

Going for Freedom is still going somewhere; trying to go somewhere, trying to get something.

Okay, so if any of you want to go somewhere, get something, at least first tell me what you are going to find. What are you looking for? What is missing here now and then we will see. I’ll give my stamp of approval saying ‘Yes, you go’. Give me a good answer to what is missing now and where you must go to find it and my blessings are with you to go and find it. Any of you, not just this one on the hotspot right now.

THE WANTING OF FREEDOM IS PRETEND BONDAGE

Who wants freedom?

An arm went up there. Good, good, good, good.

What is this freedom that you want? What is this freedom that you want?

you're so clear you wanted it, [Laughter], now you are working hard to try and figure out what it is that you want.

“I think I just know that I went like that… [Showing gesture of raising the arm]. I guess it's just the ideas actually.”

Yes, yes, yes.

“No substance. It's just an idea.”

The wanting of freedom is not freedom, you see. Freedom is here. The wanting of freedom is pretend bondage.

It's just like, we’re standing here, we’re sitting here, and then we pretend there's a jail around us. There are these iron bars around us, and we keep pretending that there is some bondage around us. ‘See, I want to break free, break free’. Then I say ‘Show me the bars’. [Then you say] ‘Oh, where are they? Where are they?’ There are no bars.

So in this now, in this present moment, there is not even the wanting of freedom.

Freedom is just… if it's just an idea like this, then it's just the make-believe walls of this prison. Because no body can show me any bondage in this moment.

All bondage comes from ideas.

Isn't it like this?

All bondage only comes from ideas.

“Yes. I put my hand down.” [Laughter]

FEBRUARY 16

FREE TO FEEL SAD AND GRUMPY IN SATSANG

“There is such a sadness here. Such a very heavy sadness and it feels so wrong to be sitting in your presence and to be feeling sadness. It feels like exactly the opposite of how things ‘should’ be and so I just want to say it to you and bring it to you. That's all. It's all I wanted to say.”

It's very welcome. You have to come as you are. You don't have to be a certain way. In fact, it's better that you come to satsang if there is this feeling, some feeling which is like this, you see. It is better that you come.

“I didn't want to be in the hangout with my grumpy face and I left for a bit, but when there was a space again, I just felt I have to come back in, even like this. Yeah, I'm not really sure. It's not about anything, I'm not really sure what's going on. It's just, [Laughter] I don't know. I don't know.”

Is this your grumpy face?

[Laughter]

Show, show, how it goes, how does it go, the grumpy face?

[Laughter]

Is that as grumpy as it gets? Doesn't get any grumpier?

“Not right now.” [Laughter]

Now she is working hard to be grumpy.

“Very hard.” [Laughter]

So it's just a feeling, it's just these energetic feelings, or is there something more to it? Is there some belief about something; or no?

“No. Nothing. [short silence] No, there is nothing there, it's just a, just a feeling of heaviness and sadness. No, with no story attached, whatsoever. Nothing. Just a feeling. But it was a feeling that made me want to avoid being in your presence, because I did not want to be here with you with that feeling, I guess; though I knew I had to be, if that makes sense.”

Let's not resist this feeling also. Because it feels like, you know; because once we label it as something sad, then we feel like, automatically we say that it should not be here. Let's not say that. Let it just be there, just see that it is also part of the appearance, Isn't it? Whatever the feeling might be, no need to give it a label also. You don't know what it is. It just is.

It's appearing and we’re completely open to whatever gifts it is carrying for us. You say that it is free to stay. There is nothing which needs to fight it to go away. It's completely free to stay, and there is nothing here which is getting affected by this feeling. There is nothing here, which is actually touched by it. There is an awareness that this feeling is present but this awareness is untouched by the content of the feeling.

So it doesn't matter if this feeling is here, if it goes away, if it comes back. None of this makes any difference to me. All this is part of the play, and I'm completely open to this play, whatever it has to bring. And I refuse to believe the voice of the interpreter no matter how truthful or meaningful it might sound.

And, in this openness, all is well, all is well.

“Thank you.”

It's very good. And all of you also, this is very good for you to know that, we don't say that ‘Come to Satsang only when you are happy, or feeling good or something’. In fact, you must come to Satsang if you feel like there is some resistance to Satsang. Feel like some resistance is there, even it could be boredom. ‘Oh, enough, enough. He says the same thing everyday’. [Laughter]

The Sangha is not here not just to share laughter. We’re here to share everything, everything.

March 2015

MARCH 24

DIRECT SELF-INQUIRY SATSANG

So, in the appearance, there were these sounds. And the sound was ‘Father’. And then a sound was heard from the other side, ‘Yes, Jesh you can come’. Who’s aware of all this movement in appearance? Did that one also move? What does this one look like?

“I don't know Father. I can't see it.”

And this I, this I, who is this one?

“That was the mind.”

So there was awareness of the movement of appearances, and there is some new movement in the appearance saying ‘I can't see it’, ‘I don't know.’ Is the Awareness touched by this movement also? At what distance are you from this Awareness? Where are you in relation to this Awareness?

“No distance. [Long pause] It is only the belief of the mind that keeps me away; that gives me the illusion of being away from it. Only the mind which separates me.”

Yes, but the illusion is good to see. It's only an illusion. I can never be anything but this Awareness.

“Last couple of days there's been a lot of movement; there's been a lot of (for lack of a better term) disturbance. I've been able to keep myself away from it. So I've been able to watch it for the most part and it hasn’t disturbed me. But at times the disturbance gets pretty loud and fills up the whole screen, so to speak.”

Yes, so imagine that the whole screen is filled up. Is filled up and is full of muck, full of muck. How does it touch you?

“It does not.”

Then when we see that it does not, then we stop fearing all our fears. Anything can come, anything can go. And we stop resisting life. We stop trying to control life. And we let it unfold every moment in complete freshness and wonder. Because we see that nothing that is true here can be threatened by any appearance. And if you're brave enough you can also say ‘Let it all come. Whatever has to come, let it come’.

Yes, so show me how you can be touched by anything which can come and go. So then our spirituality changes its complexion from being a very weak sort of spirituality, saying ‘This happened to me and then this happened; and then I went there and then this happened’ to saying ‘Nothing. All is allowed to come and go, but nothing is really happening to me. I'm untouched by the content of any appearance’. Then we allow life to unfold without any resistances. And without resisting, you cannot suffer; there can be no suffering.

MARCH 25

GUIDED MEDITATION: LET YOUR ATTENTION GO COMPLETELY FREE

Now what can come, to which you can say that ‘This is happening to me?’ [Silence]

“It can tell you things that get that attention, but …”

Okay, shall we all do something together? Can we all do something together? As an experiment, we play around with something?

Just right now let your attention go completely free.

Don't exert any control over attention.

Let it go completely free.

Let it go left, let it go to right, let it go wherever it wants.

Let it go to thoughts, let it go to emotions.

No sense of control over attention.

Be completely open to whatever it is bringing.

Don't judge anything at all.

Let it do whatever it likes.

Just hold onto your belief, keep your belief in your pocket.

Let your attention go completely free.

Be completely open.

Be open to all that is coming.

[Silent gazing]

Let attention go, let it go wherever it wants.

[Silence]

Leave your body also free. Let it do whatever it likes.

If it wants to fall down to the ground, let it fall.

If it wants to stand up, let it stand.

Don't exert any control over your body.

[Silence]

Let your thoughts also be completely free.

Set them free.

Whatever thoughts wants to come, just be completely open.

[Silence]

All emotions are also allowed.

All emotions can come and go.

Don't resist anything at all.

Everything is moving naturally and freely.

Let it all just come and go.

Don't try to come to any state.

Don't be concerned about any states coming or going.

No state means anything to you.

Let it all come and let it go.

Leave your attention completely free.

No concern about where it is going.

Ego means resistance. Ego is another word for resistance.

When there is no resistance, and there can be no separation.

In this non-resistance, you are discovering the freedom of the sage.

And you are discovering that there is nothing that needs to be done.

There is no state that needs to be found.

And this might seem unnatural at first.

It might seem like you don't have legs to stand for a while.

But this is your natural state.

Everything is allowed, nothing is resisted.

Without resistance, you cannot suffer.

Just let go.

[Silence]

Om shanti shanti shanti

MARCH 27

THIS IS OPENNESS, THIS IS FREEDOM

I feel to tell all of you that you are already free in this moment.

When I say like this, it is not something you're father will say to encourage their kids. It's not something which is like a hopeful statement. It is a statement of complete truth. And it does not require your belief. I do not need you to believe it. But if you can just stay with me and just see this, just check this, you will see that it is completely true that I am completely free in this moment.

And what does freedom mean? What does freedom mean? Because as Awareness, we are completely untouched even by this concept of bondage and freedom. As Awareness, it does not matter if you were to take 100 more lives, and each of those lives to be identified as a person. Because as Awareness, you are completely untouched.

Then, what is the freedom that we are talking about? The freedom that we are taking about is just this freedom of the drop pretending to be separate from the ocean, and then just checking and seeing that it is the ocean itself.

So, it's all a question of beliefs; all a question of mental concepts. Somehow, through a trick of Maya or whatever you call it, we have this power to pretend that we are separate. This is called the ego; the belief that I am separate. Yet, if I were to ask all of you and say ‘Where is God?’ you would say ‘God is everywhere’. Then, if God is everywhere, then how can there be a separate you?

So what you're really saying is ‘God is everywhere but me. Everything that I see is God, but I am not’. You see? This sounds like humility, that ‘I am not God yet’ and ‘I'm trying to find God’. But it is the greatest arrogance; that God can be everywhere but I have this power to be separate from God. You see? So this is ego.

How does the ego operate? It operates through resistance. It is only a resistance of what is. It tries to control what is appearing. All these appearances are just coming and going. It tries to convince you that there is some sense of control that you-as-a-separate-identity have over this appearance. This is a great fallacy. And like this, most of humanity is trying to control their life. And I often say this is like trying to control the flow of a river with a twig; but not even this twig we have; with an imaginary twig actually. [Laughs]This is exactly how it is. We are resisting life while we are just pretending as if there is something that I can do.

So what is this freedom that we speak of? This freedom that we speak of is to drop this imaginary resistance.

Actually I've been saying this for quite some time, but I feel like now this is clicking with many of you, and you're starting to realize the meaning when I say ‘Don't resist’. What is the meaning when I say ‘Be completely open’. Now it is starting to click for you. What is the meaning of ‘Be completely open’ is being open to ALL that is appearing and disappearing; exerting no sense of false control over anything at all.

So, in this way we leave the body completely free. It already is, actually. It is doing exactly what it wants. But we are just pretending that ‘I am moving my hand up and down; I am breathing’. You know? Some may even pretend that ‘I am beating my heart’.

All of it is happening on its own.

We are just the pure Witnessing of all of this movement of appearance.

So when I say it is imagined resistance, when it comes to the body, it is this sense of doership. What must I do next? Where must I go next? All of these are just the pretense problems that we like to deal with.

So, leave your body free to be exactly how it is. And the breath also, you leave it completely free. Leave it completely free.

Another area where you have trouble is that many of you try to control your thoughts. Because you hear that thoughts are the cause of trouble. So then the mind itself comes up with a solution: ‘Okay, thoughts are the cause of trouble. Let me try to stop all thoughts from coming’. Then you find all the Yogis sitting in the caves doing all kinds of sadhana to prevent this flow of thoughts. But actually you have seen now (most of you have been in satsang for some time, and you have seen) that thoughts are not trouble. Thoughts are allowed to just come and go; and then they are no trouble. That it is only through our belief in them, when we buy what they are selling, then it seems to create this imagined resistance.

So, be completely open; don't resist any thought. It will scare you: ‘I'm very scary. I'm very horrendous’. Sometimes some of us are scared of beautiful thoughts also: ‘I don't want to think that, because it might become a desire’. Nothing can happen like this without your belief.

So, let all thoughts come and let all thoughts go.

Then, what are the other forces you have in your command? Very few people in the world look at this actually. We seem to have the force of attention, and the force of belief. And attention is very troublesome. [Laughs] Because the more you want to control it, the more it wants to jump around here and there.

So, freedom, again, is not a constricted state where you're trying to control your attention and keep it at a particular point. Although many spiritual practices prescribe this; and it's okay. It's a path; and if you're fully into that particular path, That's okay. But my submission to all of you is much more simple. Let this attention also completely go free. Let it go wherever it wants. Don't try to exert any sense of control even over attention.

Now, everything is set free. Body is set free, breath is set free, thoughts are set free, emotions are set free, and even attention is set free.

And now you remember that there was one thing which is left; which was belief. Belief: what does it mean to set it free? That we don't make any effort. We don't make any effort. And to give belief to something is some effort, is a ‘doing’. (Is a seeming-doing, but still, it's a seeming-doing). So, don't do this also.

Don't give belief to anything also. What is belief? Belief is the power to pretend. The truth does not need belief. You see? But the false needs constant reinforcement through this belief.

So, to believe that you are a ‘person’ you have to work hard practically the entire waking state, and consume the content of your thoughts with this belief. Without this, the ‘person’ idea cannot survive for too long.

So, drop belief also.

This is the way of the sage. The simple way.

Also I want to tell you that the sage has no intentions. There are no intentions. Everything is just appearing spontaneously. The game can be played; there can be some pretend planning. All of that can go on. But there is no intention, and there is no attachment to any outcome.

In this way, everything that you seemingly-pretended to pick up is dropped. Then naturally, naturally, in this simple surrender, just to see that ‘I never was separate. I never was a person’. We see that everything has been flowing on its own.

In this way, you will then experience the Presence of unassociated Being, You'll experience pure Love, pure Joy, pure Peace..., without any desire for any of them. I can honestly say that it is these energies that come to be in your Presence; (not the other way around. We are not meant to chase them). These energies are in service to your own unassociated Being.

So, very simple like this: Don't resist anything at all. Drop all effort.

And don't believe this thought which says ‘Oh, dropping of effort is seeming like effort to me’. Na? That's just a mind trick. Yes, I know it can seem that way initially, because the habit is to pick up and do all this heavy lifting. So initially when I say to keep down your heavy bags, it seems like ‘Oh, it takes so much effort. I'm just comfortable carrying this heavy load on my head. Why do you say keep it down?’ It can seem like that is effort. But it's not. It can seem a little uncomfortable because you lost this seeming-mischievous teacher which was inside your head. [Laughs] Because it was always saying ‘Do this next. Go here, You'll be happy. Go there’.

To be without this voice, or with this voice having no power, it seems a little bit of a limbo state initially. I know this. But if you can just hold my hand during this time; and I am telling you that you are learning to fly. You are not falling. You are learning to fly. Then you will find that this is the most natural, most effortless state.

And even this this thought very quickly will dissolve, that it seems like it is effort, the dropping of effort. It's like saying that you go to work every day and I come and tell you ‘No, today actually it's Sunday. You don't have to go to work’. Then the mind will come and say ‘No, but I'm used to going to work, so it seems like effort not to go to work on a Sunday’. It's just like this; nothing more than this.

Then what trouble can you have? It is only resistance which is trouble. But this is openness. This is freedom.

And I promise you that you will not say that there is something missing in this. You will only say that ‘I have lost my ability to suffer now’. ‘What have you done to me’? [Laughs] ‘I have lost my ability to suffer’. [Big smile] Because it will feel like so much hard work to suffer, with anything.

And if somebody comes to you and says ‘I will give you a billion dollars, but you come back to how you were’ it will sound like the stupidest deal possible. And if somebody says ‘I will give you the BEST partner, if you become a person again’ it will sound like the stupidest deal possible. Somebody says ‘I will give you the body that is in the BEST shape, the best! You can then run 10 miles without stopping’ you will say ‘That sounds like the stupidest deal possible’.

NOT A BLADE OF GRASS CAN MOVE WITHOUT THE WILL OF GOD

Whatever might be the content of your appearance, no matter how strong it might seem, no matter how real it might seem, none of it is actually really happening to the true You. The true You is the pure witnessing of all appearances which are coming and going.

You just see this now; see that no appearance, whether perceived through the senses or internal appearances of thoughts, emotions, memory, imagination, all of these objects, none of them can touch You.

Also see that there is no separate person. The person is only an idea. And all that is moving is being done by the Consciousness itself. In the Presence of your Beingness, in the presence of I Am, all these appearances are coming and going. In the deep sleep state there is no universe, but when the light of Beingness switches on, then the world appears.

So You are that which is untouched by any appearance. And You are unconcerned by any decisions, by any choices, by any movement. All is going to happen on its own. Don't let your mind convince you that you are a person by pushing any button, no matter how strong it might seem.

All thoughts are talking to you as a person only. No thought is speaking to you as Awareness. No thought is speaking to you as Consciousness. All thoughts are personal.

So trust in the Grace which brought you to Mooji Ji’s Presence, which gets you to Satsang. Trust the Grace to do everything that it is doing, even when we cannot understand it; especially when we cannot understand. Because if we were to understand, then what is trust? Then everything is just understanding. But if you trust the Master, if you trust Grace, then trust even that which you don't understand why it is happening.

Just say that ‘I am always at my Master’s feet irrespective of what seems to be appearing in and around me. I will not lift my head up from my Master’s feet even for an instant, may everything come and go in life’. In this way not even death can touch you, because you are that. That is one with the Master itself.

In this way, all fear, all decisions, all that is happening, will have no power over you. With only the Satguru in your heart, let all that has to appear, appear; let all there is to go, go. How long can an appearance last, anyway? Fifty years, a hundred years? It is nothing for eternity. All appearances come and go.

So bless every appearance with your own holy Presence, but don't be attached to anything at all. Let everything come and go according to the will of God.

Not a blade of grass can move without the will of God. And trust this; trust this Grace. You will yourself say, you will yourself say one day very soon that ‘I see that all of this was such supreme Grace because it got me face to face with my own reality’.

I know that right now it might seem incomprehensible when I say this, but very soon you will come here and you will say that it was pure Grace, all that is happening.

So just keep Guru Ji in your heart and go take every day, day by day. Let every moment come and let every moment go. You just stay with the Master in your heart, and very soon all of this will go. None of this can stay.

All that comes in this world has to go. All states, all appearances, all people, all bodies, all relationships are coming and going.

If we get mixed up, if we identify and say ‘This is me’ or ‘This is mine’ that is when all the trouble starts. Know that all is God’s alone. Know that it is the SatGuru's alone.

I am always with you, my love, and I'm always at my Masters feet. Therefore Guru Ji’s Presence is always with you.

All my love and blessings to you, always, always.

April 2015

APRIL 2

YOU HAVE RECORDED THIS MESSAGE TO REMIND YOU OF THE TRUTH

Don't go with any picture of what your mind is painting about enlightenment. Mind is making a checklist: lose attachment to children, lose attachment to body, lose attachment to ‘this’ Then you are free.’

But I'm saying don't follow your mind about even this. You are free NOW. In this moment you cannot show me any bondage. How long are we going to cater to just what the mind is saying about freedom, what the mind is saying about security, what the mind is saying about the world, about our relationships? Enough. It doesn't help. You have seen that it only causes trouble.

So try it my way now. Don't go with its idea about anything at all. And you show me how you are bound now? You will find that you have to work really hard to answer this question. You show me bondage now. You will have to work really hard and still you will not come up with a good answer. Because in the now, in this moment, you are not bound. You are free.

You have to play this game. You gave yourself the power to pretend to be a person, the power to pretend to believe your thoughts. All of this is your own game. It's your own maya. And you created this voice in your maya to be there as a fail safe for when you feel, ‘Okay, when I get too deluded that I am this dream character in this game and I completely believe it, make sure that this voice pops up in some way.’

You created this voice to remind you of the truth of who you are. It's your own voice. You have recorded this message to remind you of the Truth. This is a voicemail you have sent to yourself. So are you going to believe your own voicemail or are you going to still believe this tricky game character that you programmed to convince you that you are still just this person?

What seems true in your heart? What is accompanied by love and peace and joy? Believe that voice. Still there is a sense of personhood, there is a sense of separation, then there is also the seeming choice. Also the seeming choice of which voice you will believe. Will you go along with this voice in your head or will you listen to the voice in your heart?

APRIL 3

HOW SHOULD ONE INTERACT WHEN CRITICISM HAPPENS?

“Namaste, Father and Sangha. Can you say something about criticism? How should one interact in the apparent world when criticism happens? Love you so much. I know I am not the person being criticized but sometimes the ‘person’ slips in. Love you so much.”

You know what happens? Some of you on Youtube who are new here might get little scared of me when I say this, but the fact is that its seem like the minute you enter the door into Satsang, the minute your heart opens to Satsang, then all of this in the world seems to get amplified. Many of you would have seen this; that all the tricks of the mind, all the buttons that can be pushed seem to get pushed in a much faster way than they were earlier.

Why does it happen like this? It is because the mind, the ego, this course of Maya, seems to then play all its cards very fast, so that you stay involved in this world of appearances. So it can happen that all the buttons, all the criticisms, all that can be said about any identity that you might still seem to hold get pushed more rapidly than ever before

Then you find the most peaceful friends, they start becoming extremely critical. Loved ones that you felt were always at the same wave length now seem to be on a different realm all together. They seem to be so strongly attacking you.

You wonder ‘How is this happening, why is this happening?’ I will tell you why. This is very beautiful Grace, very beautiful Grace; because your Heart's truest desire is Freedom. Now you Heart's truest desire is Freedom.

When you Heart's truest desire is Freedom then you cannot even carry even a small bit, a grain of sand, worth of identity inside you. So any identity which remains, it will get squeezed out of you. And how do you know that some identity remains? You know because something pushes a button. If nothing in life, nothing in the appearances were to push a button, then how would we know there is some identity? If life does not slap us around once in awhile then we feel completely complacent and we feel we are free, untouched. That is why life will make sure that if there is something repressed, something not seen, something which is a blind spot, an appearance will come and press that switch, and you go ‘ouch ouch’. But somewhere even with this ‘ouch’ you can then use this ‘ouch’ and say that ‘Oh, this still is tender, this still hurts, so what is it? Which identity is here that still hurts?’ Because you know that without an identity being there it cannot hurt.

I remember once that you and I did this exercise. If I were to say ‘You are a terrible parent’ then that would hurt. But if I were to say ‘You are terrible at some Olympic skateboarding or something’ it would not hurt.

Why is it like this? Because it can be still this parent identity, or some other wife identity, or some other identity which has the potential to cause suffering. And it is Life’s job to expose this. Because very quickly we will want to say ‘Oh, my exam is over, all done, and I have scored A+ in everything’. And then life says ‘No, what about this one, you have not seen this one, what do you feel about this?’ And it comes. And then, when these situations come, what are you to do? Just see that ‘Oh, this still has some fire, this still makes me burn’. So don't close your mind. And when the burning is happening, let the burning happen. Let it burn completely. Because all that can burnt is only the false. Nothing real can be burnt in this fire.

So from this moment, from now, don't try to hide from any criticism, don't try to run from any burning. Just become completely open. Arms spread open wide, and saying ‘Give me all that you have, I am open to face whatever life has to bring’. And in this openness you find that none of this has any real power over you.

In this sense of YES, in this sense of ‘Bring It On’ then you will find that all this will just come and go, and soon you will be laughing about all of this play. Very soon you will be laughing about it and saying ‘Oh, this actually used to bother me’. Not from a sense of arrogance, not from something being achieved; just with a sense of wonder. You will wonder about how some of these things would actually bother you.

“I know I am not the person being criticized, but sometimes the person slips in.”

Yes, this is what I mean by Grace. So whatever remnants of this identity still remain, they will be brought to the forefront so it can be exposed and burnt in the fire of Satsang, in the fire of your Life. Because you truly want Freedom, and Freedom alone. And sometimes when this confusion is also there ‘Is this what I truly want? Ananta is saying: Truly, I only want Freedom’. And then sometimes this confusion can be there: ‘Is this true for me or am I just faking this?’

But I know this, that this is true for all Beings. No Being wants to stay in this constricted environment of personhood. Not really. But sometimes the mind will try to confuse you. And this confusion also, we can be completely open, to let the mind speak whatever it wants and to let it come and go. Don't be fearful of even this voice, which is saying ‘Your faith? Is it really true?’

You know why I know it is true? Because you have been here for more than 1 Satsang. For the first Satsang I can give you the benefit of doubt and say ‘Yes maybe your friend forced you to come, maybe somebody said its very nice and you came’. But after the first Satsang… because in the first Satsang itself, you realize that for the mind there is nothing here, for the ‘person’ there is nothing here; and it is pure boredom, pure misery for the mind to come for Satsang.

But if you can come for the 2nd time, then in your heart I know there is a resonance and you are tired of this game and you want to be free. You have been there for 10s of Satsangs, so it's completely clear for me.

“Thank you, Father. I think it just dissolved so quickly because I think it is Grace. As it comes up it feels very much; my response to the criticisms have been ‘Thank you. Thank you for shedding the light on what is left here’ because it is clear that this, what is happening, is as it should be.”

And I feel that this video of Moojiji ‘Which is the Best Mantra’ is the best video. If it is the only Satsang that you would ever see, that would be the best. To say ‘Thank You’ to anything that comes. It says life is kicking you in the face and still you say ‘Thank You’. It might not appear externally like this, but in your heart you are still grateful to life for exposing this sense of personhood which was still there. In this Gratitude and this ‘Thank you’ it all disappears very quickly.

“Yes, I agree, Thank you very much. Good to see you.”

Very welcome. Good to see you too.

WHAT IS APPEARING FOR YOU IS SATSANG

“So, the question I want to ask is, when I see someone that I love very dearly and they're in a lot of pain; and I know that if they were to come to Satsang, I know that all of this would just dissolve for them in such a short space of time. I know it from my heart. But also I know that everything is happening just as it should do for them and for their Awakening. So I just want to lay it all at your feet Father because I want to know when to speak and when not to speak and I don't know, I cannot do it with enough Grace. I just want to let it all at your feet and say it's for you to do now. That's all.”

Actually all that happens is Grace, Isn't it? When you say that ‘I don't seem able to guide my loved ones into Satsang so they can be free of their suffering and misery’ this is also Satsang for you.

“Yes. Very much. Very Much.” [Laughter]

So all that is appearing for you is Satsang for you. It is really never about another. Really never about another.

“So then I would say that I feel such peace and contentment and joy, and so maybe what I'm asking is to drop the thought that I need to change anything for anyone else; that it's all unfolding just as it should and if the words need to come out of my mouth, they’ll come and it's ok for me to feel that peace and contentment in the process. It's not [that] others are suffering therefore I must suffer with them. That's not the truth. So maybe That's what I need to put before you.”

This is very good. This is very good. So you say that, you will find that sometimes it seems like my loved ones are suffering so much and I should be able to do something about it. But we also know now that this suffering ultimately is also good for them. This is the suffering which is making them open to the truth.

And it can seem like sometimes they will play this game of hide and seek. Sometimes it will feel like ‘Yes, yes, they are getting better because they come to Satsang, and they’ve opened their heart to the Satguru; and then they go into hiding for some time’.

So little bit of this pendulum. It's happened with all of us. So you can't really blame anyone; it's happened with all of us, that we've had this back and forth, this coming and going. So it is ok. This play, it will continue like this, but you be certain that it is not possible for anyone to escape the Truth. So you already know this. You know that everyone will come to this truth. Then what is it? Then it's only a question of time. Then it's only a question of time, and time ultimately does not mean anything. So let this time go however it wants. Let Consciousness play with time and space however it wants. You just enjoy the movie, whatever it might be bringing.

And ultimately I must say that you yourself are the scriptwriter for your movie. You-as-Consciousness have written this entire script. Even the swinging pendulum of the appearances in your life are part of your own script. Yes, sometimes the movie gets painful to watch. But that is part of the joy of the book, of the movie.

“Thank you, Father. Thank you always.”

Welcome.

Know that in reality no one can ever escape the truth, because it is what they are. It is what they are. They cannot escape. In which form it happens, where it happens, what it takes to make it happen is all part of the play of time; and time means nothing ultimately. The Holy Spirit will spare no one from the truth. It can meet them in whichever form it is supposed to.

APRIL 8

YOU ARE THAT WHICH IS UNCHANGING

Does it matter to Awareness?

Nothing can touch You-as-Awareness.

All that is appearing is just appearing and disappearing in Your own space.

The person inherently is unstable.

It's just a set of ideas.

And ideas keep changing.

there's no stability there.

So the ego is expecting, the person is expecting, stability to come from the person, which is the ego itself. You see?

But it is inherently unstable.

It is constantly changing.

I give you a new idea about yourself that you say ‘yes’ to. And the person that was here 10 minutes ago is now this new person because it has a new idea about itself.

Then you are expecting a sense of stability from this, which is constantly changing?

You go to a movie, you see another version, and you think ‘This is how I should spend my life’. No? Then there is a new idea about 'the person'.

So how can you find stability in this which is constantly changing?

The one that is stable MUST be the witnessing all of this change.

So are you That-Which-Is-Unchanging?

Or are you the content, which is constantly changing?.

APRIL 9

TO GET FREEDOM YOU MUST GIVE FREEDOM

So I am saying that if you want freedom, then you must give freedom. So what all are we going to give freedom to? Let me start by helping you. You can give freedom to your relationship; to be exactly as they are, exactly as they are going, exactly as they are meant to be.

So one, I am saying relationships. Now you have to say. If you truly want freedom then you must then give freedom.

[Speaker Inaudible]

So what are the components of life? So one, we said relationships. What needs your freedom?

“Thoughts.”

Thoughts. We can give freedom to thoughts.

Body. Freedom to the body; to live or die or whatever it has to do.

“How the day unfolds.”

Yes, the sense of control over the unfolding of the day or life.

“Freedom is this being now; is just letting all arise in this.”

Yes, exactly. So freedom to the present moment, to unfold exactly as it is unfolding.

Then, what else are we concluding? Emotions. So let's start outward in: relationship, money, body. And okay, so we will keep the seeker identity to the end. Relationships, special relationships, money, body. These three can be dropped from the seeming-outer perspective.

Then emotions, let them be free. Let them be free. Let them come and go as they please. Then thoughts can be free.

Then attention also, attention also; you give your freedom to attention to go wherever it pleases. You give your freedom for attention to go wherever it pleases.

And you leave your belief free. What does it mean to leave your belief free? It is not the same as what you say for attention. Because to control attention is work; to try and direct attention particularly is work. In the same way, to give belief to something is work. So you leave it completely free. Don't give it any work to do; when you are not giving your belief to anything. And if you give your freedom to all of this; to just to the last two, (or just to the last one also actually, but to just make the point), it is enough.

You must set the world free; all the appearances free, including the appearance of body, mind, emotions. All of these energies, also free.

Then show me how you can ever be bound. If you say that ‘I am bound’ it must mean that you are not giving your freedom; not giving freedom to one of these forces or energies.

Yes, it is not freedom ‘from’, not freedom ‘from’. You give your fear also freedom.

Somebody said, Nickey said ‘Freedom from fear’. But freedom from fear can come when you have given freedom to your fear also; when you no longer fearing your fear. When we are no longer fearing our fear then we set it free. Then sometimes it can come and dance about, do something and then it goes. Don't hold on to anything at all. Leave it all completely free.

So to get freedom, we must give freedom; simplest way.

[Speaker Inaudible]

So now you set it free. So it is not that. Mind is saying that ‘You want freedom from the world’. Actually it's the world that needs freedom from your ego. Are you willing to give this freedom to the world or not? You show me something that you are holding onto, and I will show you suffering;

Just what Andrew said earlier: ‘The bird of paradise lands only in the hand that is not grasped.’ Don't grasp anything at all. Set everything free.

And that which you feel you cannot set free is still the April fool’s day trick for you, which is working for you. It's just a trick, nothing really. There is no reality to it.

So what can't you set free? What are you unwilling to set free, that Life is whacking out of you? It's just this. Whatever you are unwilling to set free, life is forcing your hand. You are holding it; life is slapping you. That's all that is happening.

If you are not holding anything, nothing will be felt as suffering.

No resistance means no suffering.

FREEDOM IS THAT YOU STOP FALLING FOR THE TRICK

I was just reminded a few minutes ago that when we were in Delhi a few days ago, Guruji was there. Mooji ji was there and we were going to a shop. It was 1st of April; 1st of April is celebrated as All Fools Day or April's Fool Day, whatever you call it.

So we were going into the shop and we saw that there was this bunch of people that were laughing about something and they were laughing at one man who just passed. And what happened was when we stopped, we saw that there was a 20 rupee note lying on the ground. You know this trick? [Laughter] They had tied it with a string and one of them was taking (with their phone) a video of this. So what would happen is when somebody would bend down, they would just then pull it. They would pull it and then the person would go further wanting to get that 20 rupee note and they would just chase it. And they were having a great time just filming this; people trying to pick up this note, which was waiting to be pulled by this string.

And I just realized that this is exactly how the mind works. It seems so helpful, ‘for 20 rupees I can buy a tea or something’ and you know, you just bend down to pick it up, and then it says ‘A little more, just little more, little more, little more’ and this little more never stops.

So our life is like this April's Fool Day. We are following this small amount of money, this small temptation, which the mind knows that we will follow. And it is having a great time fooling us in this way. See, Isn't it exactly like this? It will start very simple. Just this, just ‘20 rupees, it's going to be helpful, just pick it up, all you have to do is bend a little bit’. Then you bend once, twice, thrice; then you are running after it and chasing it.

Once you're hooked, you see, once you are hooked then you are chasing it and trying to make it work. And then you feel very offended when you realize it was all a trick. That's why Satsang can be very strong reactions; frustrations, anger can come. Because you are coming to this conclusion that it's all been one big Aprils Fools Day. And who has been fooled? It is God. I often say that ‘If you want to see God pretending to be a person, just believe your next thought’. If you want to see God pretending to be a person, just believe your next thought.

So the question only is: ‘How long will we fall for this trick?’ And if we continue to fall, nothing really is happening to you. But then don't complain that ‘My back is hurting and I am tired of bending down, trying to pick up this note’. Because That's all we are doing ultimately; we are just chasing this desire, this happiness, through something which you are not going to be able to catch. So the 20 rupee note is the ‘person idea’ the ‘ego’.

So a lot of this, these real life metaphors, you will get to show you how/what is really happening. A thought could be coming even right now. Just know it has strings attached, strings attached. It is trying to say ‘No, no. No strings attached. Just create a relationship with me and no strings’. The minute you pick it up, you get into a relationship with your thought and you realize that there is a full family of thoughts. [Laughter] so it has big strings attached. It is very simple not to bend down once you know all I am telling you: It is a trick. Don't fall for it anymore. Then you just walk on by, just walk on by, then you will have no suffering because of this. This is exactly what we talk about in satsang.

Can it be as simple as this? We have not used any esoteric language, no big words. We have not even come to Consciousness or Awareness; none of this. Just refuse to bend down to pick up the next rigged trick; trick of the mind. That's all it is. Yet God is always God. God is only pretending to be a person when you believe your next thought.

Then what trouble can we have? What suffering can touch you without a belief in some trick?

And the trick is old now. The trick is really old now. Nobody is even laughing anymore. It is about time we drop it. Just the same trick over and over. Just the 20 rupees becomes something else; it becomes relationship, it becomes good health, it becomes bank account, it becomes work. Just the temptations keeps changing, you see? The ego has nothing more in its bag of tricks. This one trying to get your attention for you to believe that it is possible to get happiness or peace through following this mind. It is the only trick that it has.

If you refuse to fall for it now, then nothing can bother you. Even the concept of ‘bothering’ or ‘not bothering’, even the concept of suffering will seem strange. You know! And what will happen momentarily is something might seem attractive and you might fall for it for a moment. So you are bending; and then you realize ‘Oh, this is another trick’. Then very quickly you drop it, with no sense of shame, with no guilt also, ‘oh, I fell for it again’. Nothing!

So, freedom is not that the trickster will stop the trick! Freedom is not that the trickster will stop the trick!Freedom is that you stop falling for the trick. Now if you are not falling for the trick, what question can you ask me? What can you ask me? But it's no harm, if you still feel that something has your belief, there is no better place to come and expose it than in Satsang. You can come and say ‘I still keep falling for this trick’. Then I say ‘Inquire into this. Why do you keep falling for this same trick?’ It is because something deeply identified as you. Something which is not you is still deeply identified as you. Is it the seeker identity, it is a child identity, is it a parent identity? There will still be 1 or2 of these tricks which will seem to work. But already the power is with you now.

APRIL 20

THIS IS WHERE YOU KEEP YOUR VANTAGE POINT

Before we get started with a question today, I wanted to point you to something very simple. Just so simple. It's too simple for the mind to understand. But those who have openness, those with which there is this resonance in the heart, for them this will unfold in its complete simplicity.

And it's not something you have not heard before, but I want you to taste this. Taste this Now. Let everything be exactly as it is. Just let everything be exactly as it is. And this is not something I'm asking you to do in the future. I'm saying right now, just leave everything exactly as it is. Everything means, both externally and seemingly internally. Everything means everything.

Just let it be. Whatever it is, just let it be.

If it feels like I'm going to die right now, just let it be. If it feels like I'm feeling wonderful, so much joy; just let it be.

All sense of control is pure illusion. And it is making you tired. So even the tiredness today, just let it be. Let your life be something for God to do. There is nothing you need to do. Let it all be for God to do. Let it be exactly as it is. Notice that the desire to want to change something in this moment what is appearing. The tendency to question and want to change it is what is called the resistance.

No person ever had any control over anything at all, because no person has ever existed. Even this much if you hear in Satsang today is enough. No person has ever had any control over anything at all because no person has ever existed.

And this is not something which I'm just saying because in Satsang you must say these nice things. It's not like this. You see, the mind will create this separation between Satsang and ‘outside Satsang’. Satsang and the seemingly real world outside. It says like this, Isn't it? No person has ever existed inside or outside Satsang. Either when you are in the… when your attention is with the Satguru in your heart, or when your attention is with your thoughts, this imagined person is always only imagined. Never real.

You must see this now. It must be seen like this. You must not let your mind trick you with any concept. Anything personal is only imagined because the person is imagined. Everything personal is just imagination. Because the root concept is the person idea, which is a daydream. It is non-existent.

And the other day in Pune in Satsang, I was sharing that imagine a person, any person. Let's imagine this 20-year-old teenager. Let's imagine a 20-year-old teenager. And then ask this imagined entity to increase the volume or to turn off your computer. This is exactly what we are doing. I know that to the mind this sounds crazy, but this is what we are doing. We are imagining that we are this person… pure figment of the imagination. And then we are presuming that this person is moving the body.

This person is not moving the body; it does not exist. Do we have any evidence of its existence? Any tangible evidence of its existence? You only have this voice, which claims to be the voice of the person… the voice of the mind. This is called the ego. Without this voice, would you ever delude yourself in this way? This is exactly what is going on. We have just imagined that there is a person who is in control of this body and there are other persons who are in control of other bodies. Nobody has ever seen this person. It has never been met. Yet this voice comes and says, ‘I am this person. I am separate. This is my independent free will.’ Whose? We will never see, because it does not exist.

So we must not take this person concept seriously anymore. We can use conversationally. We can use the person concept conversationally, but never take it seriously anymore. So I don't want you to come up here saying, ‘Oh Father, Consciousness has this question for Consciousness.’ We can speak normally in conversations, it's completely fine. We can speak very normally; we can say ‘I have this question.’ But don't take this concept of ‘I’ seriously.

You must by now have seen that this person is just fiction. It's just fictionary. And Consciousness is moving everything, so we don't need to provide that label before everything now. We can just be very natural in our approach.

And this is what we mean when we say; you must have a strong nose for it now. This is what vigilance means. Vigilance is not something very complicated; it's not a restrictive space. Vigilance only means just once in a while, just checking. What are you speaking as? What are you believing?

Just have a strong smell for it and see if you have picked up the imagined voice again. The voice claiming to be your voice, which is the voice of this imagined person.

And it's very beautiful when you're smelling from your own Heart. Your nose about personhood is actually very strong, very highly developed. Is what I am believing coming from this sense of being a person? Does it rely on the person concept? That is what you have to smell for. And then you will find that no thought is worthy of your belief.

APRIL 23

YOU ARE AWAKE

“Father, Gratitude. There is one question left for you, from the Heart. The question I lay at your feet is: Will you please awaken the dreamer fully?”

You ARE fully awake! Fully awake NOW! Completely, always awake!

The only thing that is dropped is the pretense of being asleep.

Another Questioner: “What does it mean to be awake?”

To be awake means to be not pretending. So, his question is: ‘What does it mean to be awake?’ To be awake only means that we not pretending to be a person. An ‘awakening’ is different. An ‘awakening’ is an experience; which means that in the Presence of the Master, in the Presence of some strong Being, there can be this wiping-out of this person idea on its own.

You know, it just seems like you come into the Presence of Satsang, you look into the eyes of the Master and it seems like the ‘I’ which I always believed myself to be just vanished, and you can find no difference between yourself and anything. That's an awakening experience.

But an awakening experience is not a pre-requisite to freedom. It's just another experience.

“When is it not a state?”

The fact that you are awake is always true. you're only pretending to be a person.

An awakening experience can come and go. An experience, whatever it might be, can never be permanent.

“So, how is it for the Master?”

For the Master, it just happened that the mind, which seemed to have so much power earlier now seems to have no power; or has only .0001 percent of the power it used to have, so it cannot push you into this pretense anymore. That's the only difference.

He’s not living in some other ‘state’. The Sage is not in some other state.

The Sage is always saying that ‘I am the same as you. It's only that I am not giving any power to these thoughts which are coming and going’.

“Incredible love in His Presence.”

In your Own Presence, this love is there. Okay, you say ‘Incredible love in His Presence’. Where do you feel the love from, inside or outside?

“Inside.”

Inside. You see? So, this Presence externally is only a reminder of your True Presence inside. That's why the Satguru, the True Satguru, is always inside.

But in this play, when you find you are in this (satsang) Presence all the time, and not giving any power to the mind, it seems to have this energetic play of pulling out the same. You find this is true even for negative emotions, Isn't it? If you're around somebody who is angry, then you find youself also… something is pulling those energies up. The same way, it works here.

So in the Presence of those who are not deluded by the mind, you will automatically find the sense of peace, a sense of love or a sense of joy. It's still coming from inside you.

“It's not permanent.”

What is permanent is that I can't imagine giving so much importance to the person idea.

It's just like you've seen that the sun appears from the East; then you cannot give belief to the idea that the sun comes from the West. Because your own experience is that you were never this person. Then can you ever truly believe that person again? You cannot. Once you've clearly seen that you are not this person, you can never truly believe in the person again. Belief can go momentarily; That's all that happens.

So, that is liberation. That is freedom.

You see, so an awakening experience is not freedom. It's an experience; where you realize, all of a sudden, that ‘Here there is no person. The ‘I’ which I always believed myself to be just doesn't exist. You see? In that moment, you can see. But the trouble with awakening experiences is that if, after it is over, you say ‘Oh, I am special because this happened to me’. Then you've picked up the ‘person’ again.

Another Questioner: “there's an experience I would like to ask you (about). I was in a satsang, and I was slipping into blissful love, you see, and others would say ‘You beautiful man, you’ and things like that. They recognized that. I just felt, you know, exalted. Then at home one day, I was lying on the bed, and suddenly something ‘whoosh’ came in and then nothing; just beautiful peace and love. What kind of experience is that?”

Yes [pause]. You want me to give you the ‘nice guy’ answer or you want me to give it to you…

“No, not ‘nice’.”

See, even this, forget about it. It's nothing. I don't want to give more fuel to ‘enlist in that’.

“All these come and go. Like that.”

Yes. All that is coming and going is not you. You are still the witness of whatever the content might be. The most blissful experience, the near-death, the out-of-the-body, the awakening, the kundalini, the chakras, the … everything ! It's just the play of appearances.

“So, any phenomenon is not true.”

It is not You.

“So, this mind looking for enlightenment, for its joy, and …?”

That one you leave. Yes. The one that is looking for enlightenment, forget about it. Drop it. [silence] Are you okay with that?

“Yeah. I don't want anything that is not true. Because I'm seeking the Truth.”

Yes. The truth must be here Now. That's why I'm always saying that I'm not interested in the truth that is coming and going. Of what value would that truth be?

The truth must be ever-present; must be here now. And what is here now?

“Being.”

Being is here. And are you aware of it or not?

“Yes; not all the time; now-a-days, more.”

Yes, but there's awareness of something or the other, Isn't it?

“Yes.”

So awareness is ever-present.

“We come with the expectation that we will wake up.”

He’s saying ‘We come with the expectation that we will wake up’. But when I say ‘You ARE awake’ that answer doesn't sound satisfactory. So, what will convince you of your freedom?

Questioner: [inaudible]

He said that ‘I will be convinced of my freedom when I feel I am One with the Universe; I am One with All Beings, I feel Love for everyone’.

So then, it must be asked, since you said ‘I’ three times: Who is this ‘I’?

“The ‘I’ is the ‘I Am’. But right now, this ‘I’ is a ‘person’.”

Yes. See? As long as it's personal, the ‘imaginary one’ cannot be one with anything. How can something which is imagined be one with anything?

But this one, leave aside; then which ‘I’ is there?

“I Am.”

I-Am-ness is there.

APRIL 24

BRING IT ON! WHATEVER IT MIGHT BE

“Today has been a weepy day. I put everything that there is in this fire of satsang to be burnt away. Thank you, Father and Sangha.”

You know, actually when I hear things like this, it's like God is saying that ‘I am having a weepy day’. So although I hear it, I cannot find myself to ever believe in it. So if these things are happening and something still gets your belief, use that, use that for your inquiry. Don't miss this opportunity. What needs to be seen in all of these situations, see it now. Don't avoid any of it, don't run from any of it. It's like life is showing you something and it will keep showing you this till you stop resisting it. So whatever it might be, you say ‘Bring it on!’ Not with a sense of arrogance, just with a simplicity, with a sense of wonder. ‘Let's see what else you have to throw at me’. And for some of you it is trying everything.

I was reading a very funny exchange. Sorry, not funny for you maybe, but it was funny for me when I was reading. So yesterday it was hailing here in Bangalore. So Anandi left her window open and some water came in through the window and it sort of just drenched her computer and it stopped working. Isn't it? Then someone suggested, someone in our sangha suggested that ‘Why don't you use a hairdryer to dry it off?’ And seemed like a great idea, but then her hairdryer has a different specifications because it's an American hairdryer. So she plugged it in and blew the socket also. So I don't know if the hairdryer also survived to save the computer.

So when we make the prayer ‘Bring it on!’ then we must be prepared for that prayer to be answered. We must be prepared that it can really bring it on. You cannot use the prayer ‘Bring it on!’ as a sort of a reverse psychology, like we do with our kids sometimes; that if I say ‘Bring it on!’ then life will stop troubling us. If you are doing it like that then it will keep testing. If you don't have that intent, you might still get tested in this way. And the mind comes and says ‘Oh see, you said… you made this prayer and maybe you weren’t ready’. All this rubbish. But it's just another opportunity for us to see that ‘I am completely untouched by any of these events, any of these appearances’. Isn't it?

I remember once; my dear friend use to work with me. And one day what happened is that she left her computer in the car, in the backseat and her driver was there in the front. So what she did was she left and the driver was on the phone, and what happened is somebody opened the door behind and the driver didn't even notice, it seems. And these thieves just picked up the computed and ran away. And she used to be working with me at that time, so the computer belonged to the office, it belonged to me at that time. So she came in and she is sharing and sharing and I am saying ‘It's okay, it's okay, it's all good’. So she says ‘I don't want to hear that. I want you to hear you angry with me. I want you to get upset and get angry and say why? … how could you be so careless?’ But I just couldn't. It's just another nothing. It's just another nothing. It doesn't mean that I will always play like that, it could be another way also. But this reaction was very funny to me when I heard it that time; ‘I don't want to hear it's okay. Tell me it's not, and I should have been more careful and how you are angry with me for losing your computer’. But it's just nothing.

So you can come to the conclusion that it's nothing very quickly. And sometimes you come to the conclusion after sometime, but eventually you will come to this conclusion. Even if you don't come this conclusion by death, then death will show you this conclusion. Which phenomena, which attachment will survive your death? Everything must turn to dust eventually; even dust returns to dust.

So find out; when something seems strong, find out ‘Who is the ‘me’ at the root of it?Who is the ‘me’? Who is victim at the root of it? Who is all of this happening to?’

In this way, then you use these opportunities. You stop looking at them as a test also. Although sometimes I also say that it is a test, actually you will start looking at them as opportunities. These are the opportunities in which your life has to live up to. What is your mouth saying? Otherwise the mouth can say very beautiful things. But these are the opportunities in which you can check if it is authentic, what the mouth is saying.

It's very beautiful. So we all enjoyed watching Guruji's video, Moojiji's video, where it's all nothing, nothing, nothing. So he says ‘It's all nothing, nothing, nothing!’ And everything around us turns to nothing, nothing, nothing. So we still say that.

So this is like what I say: This is when spirituality hits the road, when the rubber really hits the road. That's when it is important.

I'M VERY GRATEFUL BECAUSE YOU'VE TAKEN EVERYTHING AWAY

[After beautiful sharing from speaker, Ananta replies]:

I love so very much; very beautiful report, very beautiful report. And I know the SatGuru's grace is shining through you. It's very beautiful. Don't be worried, don't be concerned about any of this. Just accept every moment as it is coming and you will find this beautiful movie is playing out for your enjoyment. Enjoy the movie and never get attached to it; never get attached to whatever is unfolding. All is good, all is good.

“I love you so much.” I love you too. “Thank You so.”

The smiling axeman. [Laughs] [She had called him, referring to chopping the ego.]

“The smiling axeman.” [Laughs]

This smile is like an invitation. ‘Come, come, come…’ and chop!’ It's not planned.

“It's so true. It's beautiful. It's all Grace. Bring it on.”

Bring it on. She said something earlier which was very beautiful also. She said that ‘I am very grateful because you have taken everything away’. Very grateful because you have taken everything away.

Usually in life, when we go from place to place, we want things. We want more and more. And yet you come to satsang and everything seems to be taken away, everything seems to be just washed out of you. And this, you realise then that this is what you have been looking for; not to gather more and more but for it to be washed away from inside you. So whatever might be happening outside, you find that inside everything is getting cleaned out. All these sneaky attachments, all this sense of ‘I know something’, all the sense of specialness, all the sense of false humility, all these things get cleaned up, cleaned up on its own.

On its own, Grace is flowing like this. The body of the Guru is as much an instrument as what is happening with you. Everything is working beautifully in this play. Nobody here knows anything. Because it is not about knowing intellectually, but it is knowing in your Heart that this one, this Satguru who dwells here, nothing can go wrong in its Presence. All is auspicious and all is Grace.

And many of you have been having these. Some of you have been having a slow clean-up, and suddenly one quick wash. So these things are coming for many of you. Because you been in satsang, also it can come sometimes. And it can come suddenly. And what the ego feels is the opportunity to trap you actually becomes the biggest release. It feels like ‘Okay, now I am isolated so I can work on this one and try to get her back’. And actually that becomes itself the biggest release, because now you have seen yourself for what you really are so you can never really accept ‘the person’.

So once you had got the glimpse of yourself, once you have seen yourself even instantaneously, then you can never completely accept that you could just be ‘a person’. So all the tricks of the mind, all these energies moving in concert sometimes are now all getting released. And somehow it seems like, for many of us, our Being has given a refuge to all sorts of energies, it has given refuge or it has found something. These energies have found place. And then, like I told to Palak earlier, ‘Not one blade of grass will stay. All of this will also get released. It's just the washing machine of satsang’. So let it all get rinsed out. It is wash cycle, rinse cycle and spin dry; all this happens. So let it all happen. It's all good. All is auspiciousness in the Presence of Satguru, and Satguru is always in your Heart.

Whatever ‘personhood’ might still remain for any of you, let that ‘person’ be in the refuge of your Heart. Let that ‘person’ be in refuge of the Satguru in your Heart. As I was telling Satsanga also yesterday that: ‘If there is a sense of ‘personhood’, let that ‘person’ be bowed down at the feet of the Satguru. Let them use the Satguru as an armor’. And if there is no ‘person’ there is no question of any separation anyway, there is no question of fear anyway.

CONTEMPLATION: THROW OUT ANY SENSE OF 'I'

“Namaste, Father. I would like to get ‘chopped’ completely. That's why I'm here at your holy feet.”

Show me the ‘I’ which is here. Let me chop it. The ‘I’ that wants to be chopped also is mine. Then let nothing remain. May it also feel like there is no ‘I’. Any concept of ‘I’ you let go of. You see, because the true ‘I’ is not a concept. Any sense of ‘I’ can be thrown out. Then you discover what cannot be thrown out, ever-present. Concept-less, indescribable, un-label-able. Have your own darshan like this; your own darshan. You Are This Awareness.

There is nothing that You want. You are this Awareness that cannot want anything. Even Love it does not want; Joy it does not want; Peace it does not want. Nothing. And there is also nothing that you resist. It is not scared of any emotion, any appearance; anything could happen, but this body’s head is actually chopped off. It couldn't be bothered, it is not concerned. It is the eternal Witnessing of everything. This One You Are.

So, any time now, this little monkey comes and says ‘me, me, me; what about me, me, me?’ you know that you cannot take it seriously. In this way, nothing can ever hurt you. You cannot be hurt, You cannot be burned, You cannot be seen through any senses. No picture can be made out of You. You are not young or old; You are not big or small. Both time and space give birth inside You. This pure one, beyond all concepts of purity and impurity, This One You Are.

You created this Universe to play this game. But nothing in the Universe can actually come close to you. But for as long as this Universe exists, don't forget to laugh at it. Not ‘laugh at it’ with any arrogance. Just laugh at the play; just laugh at the movie.

This You Are. Nothing can make You This, and nothing can take This away from You, because You Are This. No effort, no time, nothing at all. For as long as there seems like there is a choice, then you make the choice to follow the voice of the Satguru; to not go along with this theme of egoic thought. If there feels like ‘I still have some choice’ then you make this choice, until you reach this place of pure neutrality where you see that ‘Never was there any choice, because I never existed separately anyway’. And this must be seen. It must not be taken as just another concept. This must be your living experience, Now.

So don't just replace dual concepts with non-dual concepts. That alone will not help you. You must see for Yourself: ‘What is it that is here, Now? Is it dual or non-dual?’ Then everything will be clear.

APRIL 27

FREEDOM IS THE ALLOWING OF ALL STATES

“There is a peace as long as I am sitting silently. As soon as I am moving and getting active again, the peace is not there anymore.”

Your freedom is not dependent on which state is showing up. So don't confuse freedom to be some state; whatever the state might be. Freedom is the allowing of all states to come and go. In that way, you're not constricted, you're not closed. Just be completely open. Then you will find that there is a deeper peace. And this deeper peace means that You-as-Awareness are not touched by any of this.

So, the phenomenal peace, the feeling of peace and quiet, that [peace and quiet] can go into noise and activity. But the true peace is your peace of being untouched by any of this. Therefore, peace also sometimes can be a confusing word. Because when the Sage talks about this peace which is unchanging, they are talking about the peace of Awareness; untouched, unmoved. It does not mean that in the Sage’s life there are not these times that are full of activity and noise, and times where this quietness and peace is there phenomenally.

Internally, inside as Awareness, nothing has moved. This is the real peace.

As more and more now you are marinating in your True Self, you will see that this peace is not changing. The phenomenal peace can come and go.

“This real peace I don't know yet.”

It's always been with you. It's just that we've been believing our thoughts about states which are coming and going, but this which we speak of cannot be taken away from you. Just like you cannot stop witnessing, and you cannot stop Being now. In the same way this pure peace is just the nature of your Awareness itself. It cannot be taken away from you.

APRIL 30

WHAT DOES A CATERPILLAR HAVE TO DO TO BECOME A BUTTERFLY?

“Dear Father, all I see is Love. Everything is Love and nothing else. I have to go to work soon so will watch the rest of this on Youtube.”

So good to see you here, my dear. It's been a few days, Isn't it?

“It's been quite a while.”

Yes.

“I used to have a lot of questions and I just don't anymore. I feel like you; I don't plan anything. It just comes.”

It's very wonderful, Isn't it?

“Yes. I still feel habit to talk about myself, or I feel myself getting tight or small sometimes, but it doesn't last. It's just… nothing lasts!” [Laughter]

And yet we see that this is the way it has always been. Only difference now is my belief in my constriction is not there.

“It's so funny to think that I was so serious about that. It is the cosmic joke.”

A cosmic joke. How the Supreme Lord could confuse himself to be just this ‘person’. That is the divine play, the Cosmic joke

“You know I was talking to my friends yesterday and it's just… That's all I feel moved to talk about, if I do talk. The confusion people have; and just looking at them I was like ‘You don't have to be confused’. But I understand why they are. I was telling somebody… they felt like they had to be on a path to awaken and they had to do something. And I just laughed because I see now that even my pretend doing… the best way I can describe it was that I felt like a caterpillar metamorphosing into a butterfly. And there was this little ‘me’ thinking that I was making this all happen by doing this and doing that. And it was just all happening by itself. Even this supposed journey. Everything was just happening. The only difference was that there was this little ‘i’ who thought that it was doing it. And since I have got it out of the way, now it is just happening. There is nobody doing anything. Nothing.”

It is a very beautiful example, you see? What does a caterpillar have to do to become a butterfly?

“Nothing.” [Laughter]

The butterfly was pretending to be the caterpillar wanting to become the butterfly. The butterfly pretending to be the caterpillar wanting to become the butterfly.

So I have the easiest job in the word, [laughter] just to remind you that you have always been only ‘that’. You have always been the butterfly.

So the only thing I have to do, (if it seems like something I'm doing), is just to remind you to look, just check: Are you really a caterpillar or are you just pretending? … are you giving too much energy to your thoughts?

That's all. Basically That's all.

Because not even intellect is needed. Not even knowledge is needed. What book must a caterpillar read to become a butterfly? ‘101 steps to butterfly-dom’.

That could be a best seller, you see? As long as you feel that you are this caterpillar, and somebody gives you this book which tells you how to become a butterfly; that could become a best seller: 7 steps to butterfly.

“I think what's so beautiful, too, is that anything can happen. You know, I used to think that an enlightened being lived a certain way and was on a certain path and had to do these things to awaken. And I really had this story in my head and I believed it very much. And I don't see it that way at all. And no matter what happens, I thought ‘Oh, well, suffering doesn't happen and pain doesn't happen. Only goodness and joy and unconditional love’. And then I realized, you know, through this understanding and getting rid of the ‘me’ that ‘unconditional love’ means that no conditions; that anything can happen. It's my interpretation; I thought your example of the baby was perfect. It cries when it is in pain and then it forgets about it. Isn't attached to anything.”

Exactly. And anything can happen and yet nothing is ever happening to ‘me’. Because there really Isn't a ‘me’. If this is seen, then what can really trouble us?

I like this example very much: The caterpillar and Butterfly. I think we can have a lot of fun with it.

“Yes, everyone was talking at our book study about Awakening and you know, the belief in how that happens. I thought about all the teachers that I have met, or read about their journey. There was no specific way. There is no specific way in which that happens. It happens when it happens and then you find out that it really didn't really happen.” [Laughs]

Exactly. Yes, the mind can have lots of concepts about how one should be if they are free. They should wear only white clothes or saffron clothes. All of that. ‘How can he wear comic t-shirts or superhero t-shirts and come to Satsang like this?’

But I feel that it's very important because what happened in the past, at least in India, is very much of this ‘aura creation’. And not all of this was dis-ingenious actually; there was something in that. But it sort of created this sense of distance; that freedom is at a distance and is only available for those who are now Swamiji’s and have taken the vow on celibacy or something like that, and it's only available for those kind of people.

So I wanted to… the feeling here was to show you that it is completely regular, completely regular. That's why I have no trouble talking about the fact that I wanted to learn programming last year or I took my kids to the Avengers movie. All of this is just regular stuff. Whatever feels good is fine. So sometimes, like when I went to Tiruvanammalai it did not feel appropriate for me to sit in Arunachala and the wear a very causal t-shirt or something like that so I wore another shirt. But it doesn't mean that anything else changes, you see.

So all these are just concepts which the mind can pick up and say ‘But he is like this, he wears these kind of clothes, he has work, he is into investing’. All of these things can be barriers for the mind, and can say but ‘What kind of Being is this doing Satsang?’ And I feel to convey to you is that it is completely regular. What happened here is complete regular and therefore it is completely possible for everyone. Nothing all at needs to be renounced; no path needs to be followed, just little openness. Just a little openness to check: ‘What am I in reality?’

And this little openness I can work with, I can work with very beautifully and very quickly. If all of you are sharing, then when you share, then your words will sound like Satsang; with no attempt to sound spiritual or anything like that. I don't feel any of you are making an effort to speak like this. It is just that these words are flowing. Isn't it? So the regular-ness of life continues and yet your mouth is speaking words which are so beautiful from the Satguru himself. All of you.

May you all continue to shine in this way, and bring many, many Beings who come to your Presence to this simple understanding.

“Thank you, Father.”

Thank you so much, my dear.

“I love you.”

You, too.

“So happy.”

Same, same.

May 2015

MAY 4

WHAT IS SATSANG?

“Beloved Anantaji, Namaskaram. Adi Shankara says in his famous shloka: ‘From Satsanga to Nisangatwah which is true aloneness’. How can one graduate from Satsanga to Aloneness?”

I feel that there is some misunderstanding because what he (Adi Shankara) was referring to is what is Satsang actually. What is Satsang?

Satsang is the Presence of Being. Being with the Presence. Being with your sense of Being. Being with the Truth, which is Here. So this is Satsang. And attention is completely in the Presence. And from Here, to see the Absolute with the simple question ‘Who is Aware even of this Presence?’

So it's not aloneness which is the Absolute, you see. Not even there where there is One to be alone. This can be called a no-thingness or the emptiness. This One is all there is. Itself, it is empty of phenomenon, although all phenomenon arise from it.

This pure Awareness is what You are. That's why we said, first identification with the ‘person’, then for most, there is identification with the Presence ‘I Am’, and then it is seen that ‘I am the Absolute Awareness, which is Aware even of the Presence’.

So when we come to Satsang like this in the Presence of the Master, it is like we are in the Presence of our own Being. The Presence of our own Being which speaks with the mouth of the Master.

So this Presence, and then the complete dissolution of all phenomenon; and you see that you are just this pure Awareness itself.

Your question was ‘How can one recognize the graduation from Satsang to Aloneness?’ A lot of spirituality is made to sound like it is very difficult, to go from this Presence of Being to the Absolute Self. But to be honest, I see no trouble with it.

It is such a simple looking to see that I am aware of this Being also, this Presence also. I must be that which is Aware, which is prior.

IDENTIFICATION IS THE BELIEF THAT YOU ARE SOMETHING

“Guruji, I have a question. Couldn't understand the relation between identification and belief. Please could you explain again? At your feet.”

Of course. Identification is only a set of beliefs that you have about yourself. When we say 'I identify as the body', it is a belief that you are the body. When we say that 'I identify with my feelings', it is a belief that these feelings are yours. When 'I identify with my thoughts', it's again that there is this feeling that these thoughts are mine.

So at the root of all these beliefs is this 'me'. You see? This 'me' which is the core identification. That's why I say belief is the power to pretend. Because this 'me' does not exist. You see? This 'me' is just made up. It's an imagined entity. We used to call it ‘the imaginary one’. Or ‘the mythical one’.

So this 'me' doesn't exist, but you have the power to pretend that you are this daydream, this imagined concept. So this power is called belief. Without which you cannot identity.

The Truth does not need identification. You don't have to identify as Awareness. You just have to see that you are that Awareness.

So identification is the process of believing that you are something. The Truth does not even rely on belief. The Truth just is. It is the identification which relies on belief. If you were not to believe anything at all, no concept about yourself, like a baby before they are two and a half years old, then you will not find that there is a separation between you and the outside. It would seem like all is one. That which we call an awakening experience, actually, is that this sense of separation disappears. This is how a baby is living mostly.

THIS PAIN IS NOT HAPPENING TO YOU

“Namaste Father. There is a lot of resistance to even look who is aware.”

Of course. The resistance will be for this only, no? If resistance doesn't come up now, then how will resistance do its job? The job of resistance is to prevent this looking. So when you're looking, obviously all this resistance will come. That's the job of the resistance. To make sure that you stick to personhood; that you're distracted by this sense of being a person.

So 'there's a lot of resistance to even look at who is aware’. So that means that you're going on the right way. You're onto something if there is a lot of resistance.

“Who is aware or who is aware of Awareness? It feels a lot of pressure.”

It's very good. In this pressure, let the person explode.

“Like I will explode.”

Yes, so let the person explode. All that can explode, you must let it explode.

“It feels scary and this brings me back to mind again. In your presence it feels easy.”

Yes, but that's why we have Satsang every day, Monday – Friday, so that you get used to this.

“But at other times when I sit, it's really scary and total resistance to even be bothered about looking. I lay at your feet Father. Not sure why this is happening.”

It's very natural that it happens like this, and when you speak to the others in the Sangha also, they will tell you, that this is how it goes. In Satsang it feels very easy, everything feels very calm. Then when you step out of the energetic field of Satsang, again it seems like, 'Oh, it's become strong again’. So all of you will have that. But I can tell you that this will all settle down, as you keep coming to Satsang, as you have been doing very nicely. You will find that all of these energies will settle down and what you find in Satsang is you will find that it was your own Presence. It was your own Heart. You cannot leave actually.

So ‘A lot of sadness also will come’ you say. It's okay though. Today somehow I'm speaking strongly like this, but the fact is that it's just a feeling. It's just a sensation. It can never hold you hostage without your belief; without your identification.

Suppose you wake up tomorrow and the rules of the world have been reversed. The sadness is the best thing and happiness nobody wants. Then when sadness is there, then you won't be sitting moping around about sadness. 'Sadness, yes, yes. Today my job is done. I woke up and sadness was already here. I didn't have to work towards it. I must have believed some thoughts in my dream state. That's why the sadness was automatic’. You see what I'm saying? I know I'm making it sound a little trivial, but that is just to make my point.

So the point is that, it is an emotion. It is coming and going. No state is coming to stay. All that is coming is going. So when it's coming, just see yes, in this moment this emotion seems to be here. And you will find that with this acceptance itself, it will not seem to have most of its power. And with this acceptance you will be open minded enough to check whether you are really be touched by any of these energetic plays or not. So one morning we wake up and 'Mr. Grief' is there, 'Mr. Sadness' is there. Another morning 'Mr. Joy' is there. So all these visitors are visiting you. Let them come and go.

It's only the sense of separation, the sense of identity which says ‘No, this should not be my life’. Do you know better how life should go or does God know better? If we still think that 'I know better' then why do we profess this surrender? Therefore even the appearance and the disappearance of emotions must be through the Will of God, isn't it? And if this God is not powerful enough even to control the flow of emotions, than of what use is he?

So either we surrender or we don't. It is this half surrender which comes into trouble, you see. Completely surrender. That means everything which is happening is through the Will of God. Through the Will of the Satguru. Then when something comes, whose problem is it? It is the Satguru's problem. It is God's problem. Just refuse to believe the 'me'. Refuse to believe this 'me.' Refuse to believe this 'me' when it comes to freedom also. 'My freedom, my journey, my search, my enlightenment, my spiritual experiences'. All this 'me'. The basis of all of this is the 'me'. You see? What is the worst that can happen to this 'me'?

We speak about these four things, isn't it? One: all the relationships can go to the dogs. First thing, relationships. Biggest trigger for most of you. Second: this body can become completely unhealthy. Third: you'll have no money in the bank, no sense of security, nothing, no work. And fourth: this seeking thing just doesn't stop. This search for freedom just has no end. Isn't this the worst case scenario for all four? All your problems are variations of these. Just these four variables which get tweaked around at different points in life and it seems like 'Oh now this, now this, now this. It constantly feels like I'm dealing with something’. But if there's no 'me', if there's no belief in this 'me', then do any of these four matter?

So the good news is that this 'me' is pure imagination. Just pure imagination. So whatever might be happening, nothing is happening to you because you are not this imagined one. Consciousness is the One Doer and the One Experiencer. And if Consciousness is the One Experiencer, then there is never a reason for the person to complain. Because nothing happens to ‘that which does not exist’. It's very, you know, very basic. Sometimes I wonder why we have to say these things. But I know that they have to be said. Because here also there existed a very strong belief in the person. This is the divine play.

The divine mystery is to how the Absolute One deluded Himself to be a person. But so great is Your power, that Your power to pretend also is so great. That in which the entire multiverse is born; That confuses itself to be just this mere speck of dust. Great, great delusion. But ultimately it comes from Your great power; Your own great power.

SUFFERING CAUSES OPENNESS

All is ultimately Grace. But it seems like when we are suffering, then our mind is more open to the Truth. You see? That's why I say that suffering is the biggest ally for the Guru. The biggest ally for the Guru is suffering. Because suffering makes you open. And this much openness is needed for you to come to Satsang. Even if it seems like a very intellectual pursuit that started, you know?

Sometimes some of you will come and say that 'Oh I didn't suffer, I'm just here’. There are a few rare ones. But the fact is, this question of 'Who am I?' or 'What is my purpose?' is bothering you so much that you're suffering because of it. You want an answer to that, you see? Something is not happy until you satisfy yourself with your discovery of what you are.

So this is great Grace, because it causes openness. And that which causes openness … to be open to the idea that maybe I'm not a person is very rare. How many people do each of us know, outside of sangha, who are open to this concept that 'I may not be a person'? Very, very few, isn't it? Yet suffering will do its job, Grace will do its job, and all will ultimately come to this sense of openness when they are ready; when they're tired of the game.

So it takes a great devotee to make this prayer and say 'Slap all arrogance [out of me]. Give me all the suffering which is there so I may be open now and see the Truth’.

For the Truth, there is no suffering. Awareness cannot suffer, you see? Just like this space cannot suffer. And the space is not complaining about the color of the clouds which are coming and going.

LACK OF ACCEPTANCE CAUSES SUFFERING

As long as you are identifying with the content, it will seem like you're on this roller coaster of life. Up and down, up and down. Once you see, you're just this Awareness, untouched by any up or down, then you will find that the entire phenomenal play is just dancing for you. And sometimes it makes no sense.

It makes no sense sometimes. Anandi, for example, was sharing in the morning that the body has been in such pain. It makes no sense; the mind will never understand. 'So how can this pain be for my enjoyment?' You see, it's all part of this story of this 'me'. And one day if you write your memoirs you'll see that all of this happened so that it could become part of your story. Because although it can seem like it's a un-compassionate thing to say, but the fact is even this pain is not happening to you. Not you as a person anyway. It can seem very strong. Because this is when acceptance comes, you see?

Lack of acceptance causes the suffering. By the way, acceptance does not mean being passive about things. Acceptance is just to accept the present moment exactly as it is. And in the present moment if you find yourself walking to a doctor, that is also okay. So it's not about the external appearances. It's about what we are believing about ourselves. Does the pain or any other emotional pain, psychological pain, or the events; does it make us a person? It never makes us a person. But it can bring up strong, strong temptation for belief, you see? That's all it can do. Brings up strong temptation for belief.

Just see if you can experiment with the pain a little bit. Just listen to the pain and say, 'what are you saying?' Give it your attention, that's what it's screaming for. Just accept it. The pain in this human play is inevitable actually. It might be experienced as body pain. It might be experienced as emotional or psychological pain. Some say, isn't it, after I broke up with my relationship I could feel the physical pain of it. So this pain is like one energy, which plays in these different ways.

So first, don't believe the thought that this should not be there. Just know that if something is coming, it is all a play of Grace. The universe makes no mistakes. It has perfect timing also. And it can seem like, 'ow.' [Laughing] That's okay. You're witnessing even this 'ow'. You see, YOU are witnessing it although the body might be getting completely beaten up in this pain, but for you that is the witness are still untouched by it.

And there we are One.

As the witness, we are One.

As the witnessing we are One.

As the Awareness, we are One.

CORE POINTINGS: PERSON – PRESENCE – ABSOLUTE AWARENESS

“I have a question. What is it that can discern between the person, Presence and the Absolute states? Thank you for helping me awaken from samsara. My thanks extends to infinity.”

Very good. Beautiful start to the week, such a beautiful question.

So when we say 'person' what do we mean? Person means a sense of a separate existence. The sense of individuality. The sense that ‘I am separate from everything else’. That there is a 'me' and there is another. There is a ‘me’ and then there is another. So this 'me' voice, this voice of separation, is the voice of the person.

And we have something for the person also here. Some of you might find this funny, when I say this; but we have something for the person also here. Because ultimately what does the person want? The person wants freedom from this apparent suffering, isn't it? The person wants, ultimately through all that it is doing, whatever label that it puts..., ultimately it wants just the freedom from suffering. And the freedom from suffering is very, very simple. Freedom from this suffering seems very complex, but in actuality it's very simple. And it's all about the now. All about right now.

So right now, to be free from your suffering: Just refuse to believe your next thought. Just refuse to believe your next thought.

Aradhana had posted this very nice Calvin and Hobbes comic in the Sangha of Being group. I wonder if some of you saw that. They were talking about the same thing. And maybe some of you misread it; at least the way that I read was different than the way some of you might have read it also. So he says that 'If I want to be happy' (I'm paraphrasing, but basically he said) ‘If I want to be happy, then all I have to do is not to give attention to my thoughts. Not to be with my thoughts.' That's what he said. And then immediately, like the voice of the mind itself came, and he said, 'But isn't that such an irresponsible way to live?' And then the kid says something like, 'It's such a nice and pleasant day' or something like this. Because the mind came and said, 'But isn't that such an irresponsible way to live?' But he completely ignored that. So the core of the pointing for the person, the core of all the pointings which is an offer here for the person, was covered in that one frame of a comic.

All that is required is for you not to believe your next thought. It sounds very simplistic to the mind. And oftentimes the mind will confuse you between ‘attention’ and ‘belief’. So we're not even speaking of attention because that seems more difficult. So if thoughts are coming, let them come. Be completely open to them, but just don't give them your belief.

There are two separate forces. For those of you who are new here, I want you to contemplate this. There are two separate forces. One is attention, and the other is belief.

Oh there it is. I wonder if all of you can read that. [The Calvin and Hobbes comic.] So Calvin says, 'You know what I've noticed Hobbes? Things don't bug you if you don't think about them. So from now on, I simply won't think about anything I don't like and I'll be happy all the time.' And immediately Hobbes says, 'Don't you think that's a pretty silly and irresponsible way to live?' And Calvin completely ignored that and said, 'What a pretty afternoon.'

It's very beautiful, it's very Advaita. It's very satsang. A little bit of nick-picking I'll do about it, just so that it makes it easier for you, which is that he said, 'I won't think about all the negative stuff.' But anytime you say 'I won't think about something' it again becomes a decision and something for you to do; and sooner or later some thought will come which will be negative. Isn't it? So don't try to resist any thought. Let them all come and go. Without your belief they won't have any power. You see?

And why is it not a silly and irresponsible way to live? Why is it not a silly and irresponsible way to live? Some of you who are new might be asking this question, right? They might be saying that, 'Oh but Hobbes had a point.' But to presume that I am the doer of my actions and I have some control over my life is complete fallacy. To presume personal control over life is a complete fallacy.

So if you presume there is some personal control, you must first show me the person. And if you're open enough to contemplate this, you'll find that there is no person. Then who is there to live a life? Whose life is this?

Then you'll come to the realization that it was God's life. You'll see that all that is here appearing is appearing in the light of Consciousness, in the light of God. You see? So the person was just this sense of separation, this sense of identity, this sense that 'I am separate from you.' That there is a 'me' here which is separate from the rest.

And how to be free from this personhood? Personhood is just perpetuated by our attention and belief in thoughts, because all thoughts are speaking to you personally. So let go of your belief in the next thought.

So that was about the person. Then we said, ‘What about the Presence?’ So actually in our three core pointings we've done it exactly like this.

[First pointing]: Person, what does the person want? Freedom from suffering. How to do it? To withdraw belief from your next thought.

Second pointing which I have to offer you is the question: 'Can you stop being now?'

It's very simple. Don't let the mind come in and say 'It's difficult, it's abstract.' It's nothing. Can you stop being? Just answer it like a child. Can you stop? You'll find that no, you cannot stop. This Presence is ever-present. It's here now. This being which cannot be stopped is the Presence which we speak of. It is the God of the waking state and the dream state. This sense that ‘I am’. This sense of being.

It is said that God said, ‘I Am that I Am’. This sense of Beingness is the holy Presence, your own immaculate conception, this Being. This is the Presence. And to have darshan of this Presence, all you have to do is contemplate innocently: 'Can I stop being now?' What is this sense of Beingness which cannot be stopped? This sense ‘I am’. There is never a universe without the Presence of this Being. When waking state comes, it is the Presence of this ‘I Am-ness’ which appears first. ‘I Am’ wakes up from inside you. ‘I Am’ goes back to sleep within you. This is the Presence.

And very easily you can also observe that ‘This Being, I am aware of it. Although it seems like it's just an extension of me; it's clear that I am aware of being. And this Being is unaware of me. Therefore I am prior even to this sense of Presence; before ‘I Am’.

Just look. Effortless looking. Don't try to get something. Don't try to become something. Don't try to become nothing. Just look. There is an awareness even of this Being. And this Awareness is I. This Awareness is the Self.

And to come to this simple looking, I offer you this question: ‘Am I aware now?’

Notice that awareness is here. But it cannot be seen phenomenally. And yet the primal witnessing, the primal seeing, the primal knowing that ‘I Am Aware’ is completely clear.

You are this Awareness. The entire universe is confirming this.

If you just check: ‘Who is the witness of all these appearances?’

And in this way, the world becomes your wonderful playground, when nothing ever goes wrong because nothing is ever really happening to you.

May the Master's Grace bring you to this simple realization of the Self.

THIS IS THE PRESENCE

To presume that I am the doer of my actions, and I have some control over my life is complete fallacy. To presume some personal control over life is complete fallacy. If you presume there is some sort of personal control, you must first show me the person. And if you're open enough to contemplate this, you will find that there is no person. Then who is there to live a life? Whose life is this? Then you'll come to the realization that it was God's life. You'll see that all that is here appearing is appearing in the Light of Consciousness; in the Light of God. You see?

So the person was just this sense of separation. This sense of identity. This sense that I am separate from you. That there is a 'me' here which is separate from the rest. And how to be free from this personhood? Personhood is just perpetuated by our belief in thoughts; because all thoughts are speaking to you personally. So let go of your belief in the next thought. So that was about the person.

So then he [questioner] said ‘What about the presence?’ So actually, in our three core pointings we've done it exactly like this. Person - what does the person want? Freedom from suffering. How to do it? To withdraw belief from your next thought.

The second pointing which I have to offer you, is the question: ‘Can you stop being now?’ It's very simple. Don't let the mind come in and say it's difficult, it's abstract. Can you stop being? Just answer it, like a child. Can you stop? You'll find that no, you cannot stop.

This Presence is ever present. It's here now.

This being which cannot be stopped is the presence that we speak of.

It is the God of the waking state and the dream state.

This sense that I Am.

This sense of Being.

It is said that God said, 'I Am That, I Am.' This sense of Beingness is the Holy Presence of your own immaculate conception. This Being. This is the Presence.

And to have darshan of this presence, all you have to do is contemplate innocently, 'Can I stop being now?' What is this sense of Beingness which cannot be stopped? This sense I Am.

There is never a universe without the presence of this Being. When waking state comes, it is the presence of this I Am-ness which appears first. So I Am wakes up from inside you. And I Am goes back to sleep within you. This is the Presence. And very easily you can also observe that this Being, I am aware of it. Although it seems like it's just an extension of me, it's clear that I am aware of being. And this being is unaware of me. Therefore, I am prior even to this sense of presence. Before I Am.

Just look. Effortless looking. Don't try to get something. Don't try to become something. Don't try to become nothing.

Just look. There is an awareness even of this Being. And this awareness is ‘I’. This awareness is the Self.

To come to this simple looking, I offer you this question: ‘Am I aware now?’

Notice that Awareness is here.

But it cannot be seen phenomenally. And yet the primal witnessing, the primal seeing, the primal knowing, that I am aware is completely clear.

You are this Awareness.

The entire universe is confirming this if you just check.

Who is the witness of all these appearances?

And in this way the world becomes your wonderful playground. When nothing ever goes wrong, because nothing is ever really happening to you.

May the Master's Grace bring you to this simple realization of the Self.

MAY 6

AS YOU LET GO OF THOUGHTS, YOU'RE DRIVEN BY DEEPER INSIGHTS

Can we look at something, and then see that very quickly this mind comes in to jump in and judge it? You see? Constantly. Whatever our senses are bringing to us, our mind is waiting to interpret and it can seem like we are used to buying these interpretations. And we look at another being or we look at any object. Very quickly it can come, you see? So this interpreter is the root of all this seeming trouble, all this seeming suffering.

That's why if there's only one pointing that you have to hear in Satsang, let it be this one. Don't believe your next thought. And for some of you very quickly a thought might come which is judging this pointing also and says 'Oh it's easy for him to say’ or 'This is too difficult. All thoughts get believed automatically’. Very quickly something like this comes, and you notice that it is believed. But when you notice, then you see that ‘This belief I can keep with myself. It doesn't have to go to the thought, because if belief goes to the thought then it seems to get energized. It seems to become meaningful for 'me'. You see? And it becomes part of my identity’.

“Even if it's just positive?”

Yes, yes yes. So, very good. She says 'Even if it is positive?' Yes. Because the Truth, what is real, does not rely on any thoughts. Like Papaji said that ‘You don't need to do anything to be happy. You need to do something to become unhappy’. Although the mind will say 'No, no, I need to work towards my happiness’. But truly, the deep peace, the deep happiness that we are speaking of is very natural to you. Very, very natural. And it's effortless. In fact, effort is taking you away from that which you are looking for.

Because we are coming to this indescribable conclusion about ourself. And no thought can ever truly describe what you are. All thoughts will continue to refer to you as this ‘imagined one’ only. So as I've been saying in the last few Satsangs, as we contemplate why sometimes it seems so sticky, this personhood, it's because the person has been imagined and believed in. And what You Are is not know-able phenomenally. So you want to replace the person concept with another phenomenally seen entity; which is not available here. You truly cannot say anything about Yourself. You can only point to yourself.

It would be much easier if we could say 'Okay, yes, person is imaginary. But just, you know, look a little left and the real you is sitting over here. And you can see it, here it is’. And you say 'Yes, yes, this is me. This one was not me and this one is me’. And many actually do that in their minds. So what they do is, they paint a picture of Consciousness or they paint a picture of Awareness in their mind, and they say 'No, this imagined person is not me but this one (which is also imagined actually) is me now’. And they come to the wrong conclusion that they have understood something.

So you cannot paint a picture of yourself, no matter how glorious the picture might be. And the mind will come and say 'Yes, yes but this one..., this one is definitely useful’. You see, it's something you must do. ‘It's what we need’. This is still the voice of the mind. Otherwise it would mean that God is reliant on some thoughts, some energy construct to decide how to run this world, how to run your life. So don't let the mind paint this picture for you that it is needed in the so called 'real world’.

There can be some fear around this. There can be some objections which come which say that, 'Okay, when I'm at work I use my mind’. You will find that as you let go of these thoughts, then you're driven by the deeper insights which are just emerging for you, which you call your intuition, which you call the Heart. Any of these words we can use, but you will sense it has a deeper quality about it than just these thoughts which are coming and going.

So, like my Master says, the mind is not your friend. Not yet, anyway.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MIND AND INTUITION

It's a very good question, which in the past had been here for a long time. For a long time it was here that ‘How do I know if something is just coming from the mind egoic, or something is coming from a deeper place which is called intuition, is called the Heart’.

Then, the simplest answer revealed itself. And it was so obvious; because we will find that love and ego cannot co-exist. So when a thought is coming, when the mind is saying something, it is always from a perspective of wanting something. It always has the perspective of ‘What's in it for me?’ It always has some specialness, arrogance; some separation, some sense of being separate is there when it comes from the mind.

So, then it would be easy to say that whatever voice is coming, you just don't listen. And that is also fine. Because like I said, God does not need to rely on any voice. And yet, what you will find is, especially when your truest desire is Freedom, is Self-discovery, sometime you will find a voice which sounds a little different qualitatively. And you will find that when it speaks it is accompanied by some deep love, some strong peace. And if you find that these accompaniments are there, then you can trust this voice.

So this voice is the voice of your Satguru in your own Heart, which is here to hold your hand and walk with you in this seeming-journey, and help you become more open to the truth.

But we don't have to come to this sort of situation where we are constantly saying ‘Is this mind? Is this Heart? Is this mind? Is this Heart?’ No. Just don't believe your next thought.

When this intuition speaks to you it will be quite, actually, unmistakable. Because qualitatively it will seem like it comes from honey. It seems like it has been dipped in honey and in its Presence, it will seem like you are being dipped in honey; just like when you are in satsang actually. You see?

So, simple. First just forget about it, and don't believe your next thought. When the voice of intuition starts speaking in you or through you or as you, then you will usually find that there's not any doubt about it. Sometimes there can be, and for that you can ask whether this voice is accompanied with love, with peace and joy. And in this way, you can tell the difference.

MAY 7

WHAT IF NOW IS ALL WE HAVE?

I got a call from one of the sangha members who is going through something really… in life, if you can call something really strong, she’s in the process of undergoing it. And it will be not right on my part to share with you what it is, but on scale of 1 to 10 of what can happen in this phenomenal realm, I feel she is going through an 8 right now.

So it reminded me that every moment that we have is so beautiful, if we are grateful about it. In this deep gratitude, this joy, this love that we have for all of us… because it only takes an instant; it only takes a few minutes of something and then life takes a completely different course.

And this one, I'm not sure if she’s listening at the moment, but this is also pure grace. But it's extremely strong medicine, you see. Strong medicine. And there is no way the mind can tell her what the future will look like. And in this way also, it is grace. Because the way the events have unfolded around her for the last few days, even the mind has given up trying to predict the future. So all that it's trying to do now is it's trying to scare her even more, saying ‘What's going to happen with this? And what's going to happen to my life?’ But if you're listening and you hear, just know, that right now in this moment, in spite of all these seemingly strong events, right now You Are That, which is still the witness of all of this.

And that can be found now. Even now. So if these strong events have led to this place where you have no idea what the future is going to be, then let's use this momentum, and let's use this to discover that which is untouched by any of this play; however strong it may seem.

And so much grace still. In spite of all these events happening, it was so beautiful that we were talking and I was feeling that today I’ll go to satsang a little late. I felt I’ll spend some more time with you. But she said ‘No, today it's 4:30 and you can go’. This is love, you see. These are the small miracles which I really love. In these moments when it seems like the entire world is going crazy around you, if you can find this clarity, this peace to say ‘Yes, I know you're with me, and everything will be fine eventually’.

The great Indian sage saint Kabir had said ‘Don't postpone. If you think that you will find yourself tomorrow, then find yourself today’. So instead of ‘find yourself today’ don't say ‘today’. Say NOW.

Because in a moment, all the appearance around you can seem to collapse; and then there's so much of the distracting energy around you that you will crave for these times of peace when you're able to be in satsang.

So, you are here NOW. you're here now, and just for a while don't listen to this insect mind; even when it's saying, especially when it's saying ‘No, no, I'm your friend. I'm required for practical things’. All practical things can get finished off in just a minute. All the things which seem like they're so important… even to this dear one who is going through all of this, all the events of the previous day would have seemed so important when she was doing them. But now she sees that it was nothing compared to what happened after that.

[Later in satsang]

[A sangha member asked Ananta to ‘say a prayer’ for the sangha member mentioned here who is going through so much right now].

All my love and blessings to you and to your beautiful family. And may they truly come to this discovery that they are This Indestructible One, that they are That which witnesses birth and death, not just of this body, but of every-body. While in this body, may they discover their Godly Presence. And may they see that this Godly Presence has no need for anything. And may they come to this discovery that even This, what is happening now, is grace. And in this way, may they move away from the concept of death to the Presence of eternal life.

May the SatGuru's grace bless you and all your family, and may they see that God is always with them. May they experience my Father’s love which is unchanging through all appearances. All of them are in my heart and in the heart of this beautiful sangha.

So much love to all of them (you).

Om Namah Shivaya

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

DO YOU SEE IT AS I SEE IT?

Forget about all of this, just for a minute, just now, don't give anything to the mind. Tell me how what you see is any different from what I see.

And if it is any different, then you come up and speak to me about it. Because I would really happy if all of you could just look; let's all look together, and you tell me how it is any different. Because Amba said yesterday that I'm saying the same thing every day. I'm actually saying the same thing every day. So let's make sure that we are actually listening now.

And many of you have these questions about ‘How do you see things? Is it different?’ and I keep saying ‘No’. But let's go through it together so that there is no feeling that you have not understood. Because any time that it seems like it is not understood, you bring it up and say ‘This is where we differ. This is not how I see it’. Okay?

So, when our eyes are open, there's a perception of this external world; all the people, all the events, everything is happening in this seeming-outside world. None of you, I feel, will have confusion of this point. When the senses are present then it seems like there is a world around us. And this world of phenomenon has all these events which happen. This is called the external world.

Then, when the senses [eyes] are closed, then you will see that there is an internal world. So, like there were objects in the external world, it seems there is another internal world with different objects. And what are the objects in the internal world? There are thoughts, there is imagination, there are sensations or emotions. And emotions are basically just these sensations which we have labeled. Some we have labeled as anger, some we have labeled as nervousness, some we have labeled as joy. But basically there's a sense of some sensational movement, some energetic movement which is different from the regular thoughts. So, in the internal world, all of these objects are perceived.

External world: seemingly this world of atoms and molecules, which is also energy ultimately, is perceived. Internal world: all these objects, all these forms of energy, are perceived.

So, it must be clear now that there is a perceiving going on. Whether it's external, internal; that there is this process of perceiving which is happening.

Now, if you were to just check: Be aware of everything which is coming is either an external object or an internal object.

And you already know, actually, that there is a witnessing of all of this; otherwise you would not be able to report that this is there or not. Isn't it like this?

If the mind [thoughts] is coming, you just look at it like another object. Let it come, let it say whatever it is saying, and you say ‘Okay, internal object. Internal object is coming’.

So, when we see like this, all which is moving, all of this is just coming and going, whether seen internally or externally.

Then you can bring your attention to the body also. So all the sensations which seem to appear are also objects, Isn't it, that seem like the body is pulsating, the heart is beating; there might be some pain which is experienced, some discomfort. All of these you will also see that they are internal objects. And there's a perceiving of all of these sensations also. All of these you will also see that they are internal objects, and there's a perceiving of all of these sensations also. So let's clump all of these sensations also as internal objects.

Now forget about the distinction of internal and external. Everything that is appearing and disappearing [are just] just phenomenal objects. Phenomena is appearing and phenomena is disappearing.

Just check whether the witness of this phenomena: Is that also appearing and disappearing? Or it seems to be constantly here?

And it doesn't matter. Whatever is appearing, let it appear. Be completely open. Don't resist anything. Let all phenomena with all objects come and go.

Just very simply ask yourself: Is that which is witnessing them, is that also coming and going? Or it seems to be unmoving and unchanging?

When I check, I see that it is completely unmoving and unchanging.

Be vigilant. Don't let your mind confuse you with some visual representation of what I'm saying. So, don't make a picture of what I am saying. If the pictures are coming, let them also come and go. Imagination is just another phenomenal object. We’re talking about the seeing, the witnessing which is aware of ALL of this, including the visuals that the mind might be trying to paint.

So, as I am checking now, I can see that this witnessing is completely untouched by any of this phenomenal movement.

And then, very simply, I just check: Is there any difference or any distance between myself and this witnessing, this awareness?

And as I check, it's completely clear that: Where I am, this awareness is. And, I am everywhere. There is nowhere where I can say that awareness is and I am not. And nowhere that I can say that I am but awareness is not.

So, as I see it now, I could never be a thing, I could never be an object. Because all these objects are just coming and going. And this witnessing stays here untouched through all of this. This awareness is unmoved. Even the process of phenomenal witnessing, phenomenal seeing through the senses, is witnessed by me.

Therefore, I must be this: This awareness, in this simplicity.

And I see that no object, no phenomena has any hold over me. All thoughts are allowed to come and go. All emotions can stay for as long as they like and eventually go. This body can do whatever sensations can happen. And in the same way, what is perceived through the senses is also completely free. And I remain this seeing, untouched by any of this.

So, is there any difference between the way you see it and I see it? If there is a difference, then I would like to know. And remember, I'm asking about the way you SEE it, not about the way you think it or feel it. I would actually like to know that; when you really look: ‘Can it really be any different? Has it ever been any different?’

[Silence]

And once you see that it is like this, then this is the realization of the Self.

Can we keep it that simple? Take away all the frills, all the bells and whistles, and just keep it this simple.

I've already said that this is the way I see it. Is it any different from the way you see it?

MAY 8

GUIDED MEDITATION: LET ALL THOUGHTS COME AND GO

Just let go of all sense of control about anything at all. Don't try to control your breath, let it move in and out as it likes. Relinquish all sense of control over the body also. Don't even control the expressions on your face. Just let go.

Be completely open to all sounds. Everything is welcome. Don't try to control your thoughts. Let all thoughts come and go.

Let all thoughts come and go. Be completely open. [Silence]

Notice how some thoughts will entice your belief. And just observe how your attention and belief goes to some of these thoughts. Become clear about these forces, which are at play.

Now for every thought that comes, give it your full attention. Invite all thoughts to come. Even the thought that there are no thoughts, give it your full attention. [Silence]

Notice that some of them seem to be tempting your belief. And yet belief must be given to them by you. However subtle the process might seem, Consciousness picks up the belief. And then this thought will become meaningful to you. It will seem like it applies to you. [Silence]

Let go of all understanding. All concepts. And observe that... it is clear that I am here. You are here. Observe the sense that, I Am.

All thoughts can continue. All emotions can come. This I Am is unchanging. Notice that, it is not a thought 'I Am.' It is the presence of you, that you are. The sense of you. You are aware of this presence also.

Drop all effort to be aware and notice that Awareness is here effortlessly.

Ask yourself, 'Am I aware now?'

'Am I aware now?'

Awareness is aware of itself.

[Silence]

Notice that you are this Awareness, without any effort.

[Silence]

Observe how nothing can touch you here. No feeling means anything to you. And yet all feelings can come. No thought means anything to you. And yet all thoughts can come.

You are untouched by the external world. And all the energies in the internal world. Notice that for you they are one. Just a play of energy.

See what you are. Am I aware now?

Observe that you are not a thought, you are not an emotion..., you are not even the presence of Being. All of these appear and disappear for you. You are the primal witnessing of all which is coming and going. You have no interest in controlling the flow of these appearances. Everything is allowed to come and go.

You remain as this Awareness. Unchanging. Untouched. Eternal. Without any attributes. You are not the content of your waking state or of your dream state. You are aware of all states, including the sleep state.

All thoughts are allowed to come and go. They don't touch you. And you don't touch them.

May the Master's Grace keep reminding you of this Truth of what you are till all sense of separation dissolves. Om Shanti Shanti Shanti.

[Namaste]

MAY 13

DOES AWARENESS CARRY A LABEL CALLED 'CLARE'?

Now like I said, in this physical, phenomenal universe can we find the ‘I’?

Can we find the ‘me’?

“It's possible to find an ‘I’ and ‘me’ in this physical world, but it's not real.”

Which is it? What would you say as the ‘I’?

“The real ‘I’ is awareness and the unreal ‘I’ is the idea.”

Is the Awareness in the phenomenal world?

“Yes.”

When you ask ‘Am I aware now?’ is it something phenomenal that you see to confirm this?

“No, it is not in the phenomenal world.”

So awareness is not [in the phenomenal world]. So, this ‘I’ which is in the phenomenal world is which one?

“This ‘I’ which is in the phenomenal world is the Being; and it can be anything, Being plus million other things if it wants to; but it's very suffering that way.”

So what do you mean by Being?

“Being is the softest, the most natural (without any attachments) existence.”

It's just this sense of Presence, of me, Isn't it; that I exist, I am.

Is there ever a time where you have experienced that this I am is not there? [Silence]

This sense is there only in the sleep state. You know even that this sense is there… that ‘I exist’ was not there. But in the waking or any other dream state, this sense of Presence, of me, is always there.

“Yeah.”

Now, in the Presence of this Being or Consciousness, there is a world. Is there ever a world without this; in your experience?

“Can you say that again? Sorry.”

Yes, yes. In your experience, (not speaking from any presumed knowledge, but in your experience), is there ever a world without there being this sense of ‘I am’?

“Is there ever a world without the sense of ‘I am’? No. No, there is not.”

So, ‘I am’ is there, and the world is there. When ‘I am’ is not, this world is not. This is your experience, Isn't it?

“Uh hmm.”

And yet you are aware that ‘I had this waking state, I had this sleep state, I had the dream state’. So this Awareness remained untouched through all of this coming and going.

Now, in any of this, you cannot show me the individual ‘I’, the individual ‘me’. [Silence] Who is the one that is called Clare?

“Awareness.”

Does Awareness carry a label ‘Clare’?

“No.”

Is it even for Beingness? So, Being is here. Is this Being called Clare? Where can I find this Clare? I'm looking for Clare; can you help me find her?

“It's just a name.”

Just a name. And that is why we say that this person does not exist, or is just imagined or just presumed. That's why we use all these labels for that which is just the ego or the sense of a separate Clare, separate person, which has never existed.

You stay in this contemplation, and You'll see that this one, this sense of separate personhood is just not here. Being is here, the witnessing of even this Being is here, and it seems like that is what I am.

When you see from that perspective, you will see that there are times when Being is present and there are times when Being is not. The times when Being is present; inside the appearance it is called waking state, or dream state or whatever. But for me-as-Awareness it does not matter. It's just the sense of ‘I am’ is there, or it is not. So, as Awareness, I see no difference between the content of this waking state and the content of the dream state. And yet the mind which is there in each those states says ‘This is real because this is the continuing story’. You see? Even in the dream, it doesn't say that it is something new, fresh. Only after waking up you say that ‘Oh this was a strange place’. Inside the dream, there is a continuing story, there are familiar characters. Everything seem just the same; although the events, the appearances, might seem different.

It's okay; you don't worry about this right now. Just contemplate the existence of this Clare. Just contemplate this existence of this Clare, and then all this will become very clear, very clear.

“Okay.”

This is the most important. That's why I say ‘Just find whether there's a person that exists here’. This is what I mean. Where is the one that you label with your name? Where is that which seems to own this body, which seems to own your money, which seems to own your relationships, and is trying to find freedom? This one.

And once you see that it does not exist, then it is done. Then all the insights about whether this world is real, phenomenal, doesn't matter. It's okay.

“Okay. Thank You.”

All of you are completely open to come and question like this: ‘I don't get this, I don't understand when you say like this’. That's when we really be open and have a conversation like this. Very good.

WHO IS THERE TO FEEL SPECIAL?

“Namaste Sangha, Namaste Father. Just wanted to express my Gratitude. And the last couple of days have been really amazing. I have been able to see through a lot of things that have been coming. And it doesn't have such an interest or power over my day, and it's just really amazing. But what I wanted to really expose today is this feeling of specialness and turning of this ‘awareness’ into an entity and saying like I know something that somebody else might not know. There is like a something there and that thought keeps coming up. I seem to be kind of stuck there.”

It is very good that you come and expose this. Because what happens is, it is the person that says that now it has understood. The mind says that ‘I have understood that I am Awareness’.It is very good that you spot it, spot this trick. Because many can get stuck in this. ‘Yes, yes, I have now understood’. It can be like this. Outwardly it can be that you're being very nice and humble and inside you are feeling this ‘Yes, ‘I’ have understood…..’I’…’I’…’

As long as there is this sense of ‘I’, which is separate from others, then this is the specialness, this is the arrogance which we speak of. And I am very happy that in your case so quickly you spotted it and say that ‘In the last few days, lots of cleaning up is happening. I see that Awareness is here’. And when you see this, is it something special really? Is there anything, something special, about Awareness?

The fact that every Being, if asked the question ‘Are you aware now’ will answer in a ‘Yes’. Every Being, whether they are in Satsang or not. Even a child will say ‘Yes, I am aware’. So Awareness is the root of all, and there is nothing special in this. So all that seems to have happened is that Consciousness was pretending to be this imagined entity and now sees that there is no such imagined entity. And the true ‘I’ is the Witnessing, the pure Seeing itself. So the one who makes the discovery knows that this is true for everyone. It does not feel that something special has come true for me, which is not true for everyone else.

The question ‘Are you aware now’ does not seem to attack the identity. So it is not saying ‘Are you Awareness now?’ It could have said ‘Are you Awareness now?’ That would have seemed to attack the identity. To say ‘Are you aware now?’ then it is clear for everyone that there is no attack. So the point I was making is that, irrespective of where the attention is going and how much they are believing themselves to be a person, the fact is that: All is Awareness. So even if we continue to be deluded for millions of more lifetimes, does it change Awareness? It doesn't.

“It is like a strong sense of something trying to find where to place this ‘I’, where to put it? All day the inquiry is stuck on high gear. It is like: Who is asking all the Questions?”

This is good. This is exactly what I mean. Initially it feels like ‘You don't have legs to stand on’. It is a state of shakiness. Where do I find myself, where do I put myself? There is nowhere; and once you become comfortable with this nowhere, nothing can trouble you.

This is what it means when we say: ‘Are you happy with this emptiness?’ ‘Can you just get used to your own emptiness?’ It is not that your life becomes empty. It is not that the appearances stop. It is just that you cannot find anything that you relate to as yourself. You cannot find an entity which you can call ‘I’. And yet – you are. Because you cannot deny ‘I Am’. But you cannot find yourself spatially or in time.

You will get used to it, you will get comfortable with this. You will realize that ‘It is in this that I am free from all expectations, all needs, all desires, because I cannot find myself here phenomenally. A part of me is playing in this way; a part which I call Consciousness and that I am aware of, likes to play in this way in this world it seems to be creating, but I cannot truly place myself anywhere inside the world. I am that which is the Witnessing of the world’. And remember that it is about You. All of this is about You. We say ‘But this one doesn't get it. Or he thinks he got it, but he still hasn’t got it’. All this is still judgment coming from here.

So use everything thing that is coming in your appearance just to use as your own enquiry. And our close relationships are meant to do this, are meant to push all these buttons so that whatever identifications still remains are to be thrown into the fire. Why does it bother you? Because there is some sense of ‘relationship’. But is it a relationship that Awareness has? Is it a relationship that Consciousness has? No. It is still a relationship of the pretend one, the imagined one. Otherwise I would be as affected by your relationships as you are. Doesn't happen this way right? Because there is still a ‘me’ that says ‘This is my close relationship’. So what can be used to perpetuate the separation is now getting used to perpetuate the Oneness.

So when life comes and pushes our buttons, don't panic about it, look at it as an opportunity. It is showing you something that is still hiding something. Showing you that you want Freedom; and also you want Freedom with certain conditions. Freedom and also this Relationship. Freedom and also this ‘something’.

The mind will come and paint some scary pictures, ‘If you have Freedom, does it mean that I won't have this relationship?’ No, not to do with that. The Play of Consciousness continues, relationships can continue. All roles will continue. But the sense of the separate ‘me’ playing the role will go. You will see that naturally all roles are getting fulfilled. Parent role, partner role, child role; all these roles are being done by Consciousness itself.

This Consciousness that can run this entire Universe; it has no trouble running our Life. Consciousness can do everything but cannot manage my relationship or it cannot pay my bills. These are the typical things that come in the mind. There is something very auspicious about the discovery of What You Are. But you cannot say that it is special. Because that would mean that you have become something that you were not earlier. But the discovery is that: You have always been This. Isn't it?

And this one, if you spot this one, now he is wearing different clothes; maybe he is wearing orange robe or a white robe saying ‘I am now a great enlightened person’ in your mind. I am saying, externally you can wear whatever; it is completely fine. But if it is painting this picture of an enlightened person in your mind, know that this is another appearance. It is just a visual. There is no such thing as an enlightened ‘person’. Enlightenment is Freedom from this ‘person idea’ itself. So who is there to feel special?

Yet it is very natural for this to happen because this is the way of the mind. The mind will say ‘I went after something and I got it’. For everything in life it has been like this. ‘I went after a relationship I got it. I went after money I got it, or I didn't get it’. Either way; not dependent on the outcome. The way has always been that ‘I am seeking Freedom. Yes, finally I got it!’

Freedom is actually from this one. It can keep jumping around. Don't expect that this one will vanish. It will keep jumping around. It will celebrate. Then tomorrow when you wake up it will say ‘Oh, you lost it’. Then it is feeling sad. The day after ‘Oh, no, no, there is no getting or loosing it, we will do this together’. It tries to be your friend. This mind, this ego is trying to be your ally. It is like the ant which is telling the lion ‘Yes, yes, you walk with me and we will both get there’.

So it is the sense, the imagined-person idea, telling God, ‘You know I will take you there’. That is why it is very important, this one: If you want to see God pretending to be a person, just believe your next thought. This is the way in which God picks up the pretense of personhood.

So let those who come in your Presence say that ‘We are so blessed by your Presence’ and you are sitting and wondering ‘What is all this, what's going on?’ Let it be innocent like that. Don't buy any story about yourself. Not even about Freedom. Because you do not exist phenomenally, you cannot have a story. These stories are the ones which will keep you oscillating between what seems like Freedom and delusion. Without a story it is not possible.

Very good, very good. I am very happy that you are in satsang and you report that things are becoming much clearer and very quickly. That auspicious vigilance is also there which says ‘There is something which is trying to proclaim something or claim something, and I see this, and it doesn't smell nice, it doesn't smell true, it still smells of the person; and I want to expose this in Satsang and burn it here’.

THE SENSE OF BEING SEPARATE

So what happens, right now? You say 'There is no person’ I say that, and you pick up the pretence of a person. Let me explain to you how that happens.

There is no person right now. And then the thought comes and says 'Oh, but you must be a better mother' for example. This thought can come like this, ‘You must be a better mother’. Now this thought is presuming that you are what? It is presuming that you are the imagined person. Isn't it? It is not speaking to Consciousness. It is not saying 'God, you have to be a better mother’. It is not speaking to Awareness saying 'Witnessing, you have to become better at witnessing' or something like that. It is speaking to your idea of yourself as a person.

Now if you give belief, (which means if you say 'Yes, this thought is meaningful for me') you have picked up the pretence of a person, because the thought was speaking to you as a person. You see? So the answer for this 'How? How do I drop this pretence?' is very simple. It is to just not believe your next thought. Not to find the person and drop the pretence. Not like this. Just in not believing your next thought, you will see that ‘The person is not here, and I'm not pretending to be a person by not buying anything that this salesman is selling me. Which means I'm not giving my belief to this thought’. That's all.

It is only the thoughts which are speaking to you as if you are a person. Being is just being, the outward appearance is just shining for your entertainment, or whatever explanation. And seeing the pure Awareness is just aware. It is only these thoughts which come and say 'You are only just a drop in this ocean. You are a separate drop’. There is no other sense of separation. That's why when a child is born, it does not feel this sense of separation. It is only after this conditioning starts, these thoughts start, that this sense of being separate comes. A child does not want to own anything. It does not say 'mine' or 'another'. You see? It does not have this sense of ego. It starts developing at the age of two, two and a half. Then this sense comes that this was mine, this is another's.

“Father, I get what you're saying now. When we pick up the concept person, identity comes up. So where does the 'me' and 'other' separation come from? Are they also like thoughts; or how does it work?”

This separation of me and another is only because of thought. Because right now, where is the 'me'? Where is the ‘another’? This hand is another appearance. That one is another appearance. This table is another appearance. All these sensations are appearing. Where is the 'me'? There is none. The Awareness is here. Even the sense of Being is perceived. But in the appearance, I cannot separate from this - this – this - this (pointing around the room). It's just appearing. It's the thought which says 'This is another; this is Palak; this is Anandi; this is Suchitra’. It is the mind which comes and labels what is seen. So you see a glass of water, and the mind will immediately start labeling it. 'Oh this is clean water, this is dirty water, this should be....' All this is just coming from the mind. Without this mind, it is not a possibility to separate anything. All of this is one big appearance, including this body.

“Awareness is here, but... [Inaudible]… But when I'm looking at something....”

Yes. Then we don't have to label that anything, including Awareness. You see, a tendency can come that 'Let me not call him a person, let me call him Awareness’. It's not true like that, that Awareness is here, appearance is there. It is coming from inside the Awareness itself. So all of this is the play of my Being. When Being is on, then all this… seeming others, the appearance, all this is on. When Being is off, nothing else is there. This is true Oneness, you see? Oneness is not 'Oh, I love this one so much, I love this one so much.' That is not Oneness. Oneness is to see this entire phenomenal play is appearing in the light of my Being. It is coming from Me. The entire universe is this one projection.

“So when I wake up, the projection is on?”

Yes, when we say the waking state comes, immediately there is a sense of 'me', isn't it? In sleep, there is no sense of 'me’. The sense ‘I am’ wakes up and the world is there. But you are unchanged. You were aware that 'I am sleeping'. You were not able to report 'I am sleeping’. When you wake up, when the ability to report comes, you say 'I was sleeping’. You don't say 'I don't know. It was 11:00 just now, and now it's 7:00..., I don't know’. You don't say like that. You see, you were aware that there is a state called ‘sleep state’. The mind cannot understand this. Don't worry about it.

“Father, you say don't believe the other person is Awareness also. So then there's nothing.”

Yes. No labels are required. When a child is born, it is not labeling the world. It does not know labels are there.

“So you're saying there's nothing there?”

That is also a label. In the presence of Being, the play of this energetic appearance comes. Some energy is playing outside, some energy seems like this (points to object in room), some energy seems to be coming here (refers to head), some energy seems to be emotion. So this energetic play is happening.

“That's why we feel separate from other people?”

Yes, yes. It's when the labeling guy comes and says 'This one’s a good person, this one’s a bad person, this one...' All this labeling comes. Then this separation happens. That's why, don't replace one label with another. For ourself, also don't say 'I was a person and now I'm God’. For another also, don't say 'Oh, I thought he was just a body, but he's actually Awareness’. It's not needed, this label. Then the true insights will be here. In the light of my Being, all this play of appearance starts. Mr. Ananta is here, Mrs. Palak is here..., like this. And the adventure continues. It's like a fun movie.

“So the appearance of the Master is also an appearance?”

Yes, of course. Because the true Master is your own Being. The true Master is your own Being. There is nothing special about this body. It is just that we got conditioned to relying on name and form. I used to say like this; that even when we're chatting with someone and we've not met them before, we'll say 'Can you send me a photo so I can put a face to the name?' You know because we're so related to... That's why that there's this whole argument about idols versus not having idols and whether we should have pictures of God or they should be the formless one. You see, and this comes from the lack of understanding actually. Just lack of understanding. So in some religions like Hinduism, if you read a Hindu text you will know that all the sages have always said that the Truth is formless. And then why are there so many forms? So many different gods? It is because in this conditioned world we've become used to relating to name and form.

So its a very democratic system [laughing]. You like the playful aspect of God; you like Krishna. You worship Krishna. You like this strong, silent aspect of God; you workshop Shiva. You like the righteous aspect of God; you workshop Ram. So you start from there, but all of this imagery is meant to take you to the formless, you see? Even your devotion to the image will take you toward the formless realization of Oneness.

So all the world's religions are saying the same thing, which is that God is formless. You see? But because we have got conditioned to relating to form..., that's why the Christian's have a cross. It's a form, you see? They're not saying that the cross is God, but it's just something to relate to, so that you feel closer to the Truth. So all the ones which also preach that God has no form will have some symbols which they use to represent God or the feeling of devotion to God.

“So my appearance is different from everybody else's appearances Father, right? Means what I'm seeing as appearances is different from what you're seeing?”

So you go to sleep and you have a dream. So many people in the dream also. Where are they actually? You can say projection of your own Being. All this world of appearances is a projection of your own Being. Because true oneness will not come until there is this belief there is me and another. We can only pretend 'Oh, I love everyone’. Just another part of the pretense. But true oneness comes from this insight that ‘All of this is me. This is my play’. You see? This body, that body, that body. Just like a dream. There is no difference actually between waking state and dream state. Just because we are inside this right now; I'm inside this so I can say this is the waking state.

There was an early morning meeting today and I was blissfully in a dream and then my wife came and woke me up. So that seemed very much like the waking state. There is no difference. When you're inside the dream you cannot say. Just the same way you can have a lucid dream and say 'This is a dream'. In the waking state also you can say that 'It's all just been a dream’. But you cannot force this insight, you see? It must emerge organically on its own. And ultimately I can say that it's not even important. To see the world as a dream right now is not important. To see that the person does not exist even in the dream; even in this realm whether you say it is real or a dream, its okay. This realm is here, it's appearing. Show me the person that is here.

So that's why we say that the person is a second level delusion. If you have never heard anybody else say this… but I say that ‘The person is a second level delusion’. It does not even exist in this state, in this play of phenomena. Then all this trouble about 'I must now feel at one with everyone. I must now love everyone’… all this effort which is needless, it doesn't ever get anywhere. If there's a sense that I personally am doing so much to love everyone, than the response doesn't come from the other side, again you say 'See I'm trying to be so loving and you are not responding’. As long as there's a person, it doesn't work.

“So Father, yesterday what I was saying about the other person. There's resistance...”

Yes, it vanishes itself. When you come to the understanding that all of this is your projection.

“So there's no need to blame. There's no one to hold a grudge against anyone.”

All these insights are coming very naturally to you because the belief in the imagined person is getting dropped. And that itself creates so much space. Just these frightened ghosts, as my Master says, just running around chasing our thoughts all the time, saying 'I want this, I want this. Not this, not this, not this’. There's no space. So we withdraw our belief from this one; from this sense of separation. So much space and all these insights just come naturally.

So the one who has not studied anything at all, who has not ready a book, like Nisargadatta Maharaj, (I doubt very much whether he read a book), yet he was speaking the same. So no intellectual knowledge is needed. Just the belief in personhood is withdrawn. And all insights, just naturally what you see right now, don't need to refer to any knowledge or anything. So the greatest jnani's have never studied anything at all. You see how funny that is? Good.

MAY 18

BURN ALL CONCEPTS ABOUT ENLIGHTENMENT

Remember that the highest, highest, highest you can be, you already are. All that you can pretend of yourself to be cannot touch that high that you already are.

So these are not just words, when I say that God takes birth inside you. You are aware of the Presence. What must you be when ‘God takes birth inside you’?

Can there be anything higher than that?

Anything that the mind can conjure up; and in our lives the mind has conjured up many things, no? ‘You'll become so good, so good, if you have this, if you do this; you will become so amazing if you have this’. But nothing can match up to the reality of what you already are.

Even what is written in spiritual books about what can be expressed at the highest; that also means nothing for you. You are that much beyond any of this.

And the mind will come and say ‘But this is just so convenient’. You see? ‘So

Convenient. That means any behavior can happen’. This is so convenient because you can say ’God is doing it’. And many will use Advaita in this convenient way.

For those in the Sangha I can tell you that this is what is meant by sensitivity. The minute you pick up this ‘person’ something will start to churn up inside you, like you want to vomit. This is also the Masters Grace, where you cannot use any Advaita conveniently. Only the mind can keep coming and saying this kind of thing.

So if there is a sense the person is trying to say ‘Oh yes, God is the one. God is the one that is doing’, still trying to hide the personal belief somewhere, then there will be very… you really want to just throw it out, you see.

So don't let it be about this one. I know when you say it is coming from the heart. It is coming from the seeing of what you are.

The mind will try to make you guilty that you are using these Advaitic concepts conveniently. Nobody in the Sangha can do that. Nobody in life actually can do that.

Very Good. With this integrity, with this honesty, no idea, no belief about personhood will be sustained. No good person, no bad person, no spiritual person; all ideas. And because we can have some conditioning around these things, you see, that ‘Now I am spiritual I must behave in a certain way’… that is why also sages have shown us that it is not always this way.

Parvati: “But you know last week I was in despair because when you say that, I am like ‘Why are we doing all of this thing? Why are we… Isn't this useless then that we are not going to change or improve? [Laughter], Because, you know, if you just stay this horrible old person, then what is it all for?”

But you can never become a person, you see? That realization will not leave you. So the expression can be in any way but you cannot pick up the ‘person idea’ anymore. These are the last remnants of the ‘person idea’, which is being burped out, which is being vomited out.

You will come to this place, which is not conforming to anybody’s idea of what a good person is. Would that be Freedom, if you just had to conform to the world’s ideas of what a Free one is? That does not sound very free to me. Then you will have to live up to so many concepts. ‘I cannot go for superhero movies now. If I am a teacher now then why should I watch cinema, why should I watch TV? I should always have this, I should always just be sharing satsang’. There are so many concepts. ‘Why should I be wearing these clothes, I should only be dressed in white and orange’.

So this is just coming from some conditioning about what a spiritual person is. But there is no definition to what a spiritual person is.

It is not necessary that an enlightened one sees everyone who needs some help and stops the car to help everyone. That can be some of the worlds idea of what an enlightened one is. So no idea about what it should be. Because it doesn't stop, you see? It could be this; and then the mind will say ‘But now you stopped shouting, but inside you were still feeling some anger’. So ‘Even this should not be there and then you will be free’. Then it will say something else and then it will say something else. Always ‘almost there’. You see?

Don't get on that treadmill, my dear, because it does not stop; does not stop. And it all sounds very good, very auspicious, very humble. It will say ‘No, no. You must become a kind person at least’. Where does it say, in which scripture does it say like this?

When the person is completely dissolved then you will find that automatically kindness is flowing. And even if it doesn't, there is not this question ‘Why am I being this way?’ You see? Because it is this guilt, this fear of how am I behaving which will stop the natural flow of the expression; how it is meant to be. We never know what is good or not. You see?

Because you shout at the contractor, do you know that it is better to shout or not to shout? You don't know. Maybe he needs to get the job finished so he can get to the next job on time, so he can make some more money. So he needed that shouting maybe; maybe he didn't. It is just the way it is flowing. You see?

We can never know what something is for. We can only watch the way it is playing out. Just watch the way it is playing. And no matter what you hear in satsang. And sometimes it sounds like it is personal advice, but it is not.

So right now, all of us, lets burn all concepts we have about Freedom; about the enlightened person or spiritual person. Just let's forget about all of those concepts.

Because the mind will use these, to create guilt, to create remorse, to create fear and keep us distracted from the Truth of what we really are. And all these things, kindness, goodness, all of this is phenomenal you see. I know I rarely speak like this but even this has to be said, that suppose we were on a different planet, and on a different planet the realm. The rules of the realm were that you have to be nasty to everyone. Then people would go around feeling guilty about being kind.

Who has decided this moral compass? It is your own Presence, Isn't it? So it comes after you.

You see, I rarely say these kind of things but I can say it to you now. Most of you who have been in Satsang for a long time, that even all of this compassion, kindness, brotherhood, sisterhood; all of this comes much later, much after you. These are the rules we have defined for this realm to play, as Consciousness. If there is life on another alien planet, it might operate in a different way.

And if this realm is for us to enjoy, how would it be that everybody was kind? Nobody would ever have a challenge; nobody would ever have anything to work on.

As [Nisargadatta] Maharaj said: ‘I just remain as I AM and I let the conditioning of this Body-Mind play the way it wants’.

FREEDOM IS NOT DEPENDENT ON A PARTICULAR STATE

“Father this strong undercurrent of bliss has disappeared. It has been like this for a few days. However, there is still a strong energy which shakes me up and stretching the body. Also the mind seems to have crept in from behind the eyes, as Sri Mooji says. But it's all okay.”

Yes, and it is good that bliss has disappeared. Because if we confuse freedom to be a blissed out state, then know that all states are coming and going no matter how beautiful and auspicious. So in the search for freedom, if you're actually searching for some state, then you will definitely be disappointed at some point or the other. There is no state that comes and stays. And even if it did you would forget that you are in that state because that would become natural. If you're eating sugar all of the time and there's no salt, then sugar would just taste normal, you see? There's no contrast. So if bliss was always there, you would forget about bliss. So freedom must be that. It cannot be a constricted state where we are dependent on a particular state.

Shiva is not saying, 'give me only joy, give me only bliss'. Shiva is untouched. Unaffected by everything which is coming and going. So bliss has disappeared, it is absolutely fine. If it remains just simple sober seeing, then no trouble with that. The witnessing is not concerned with what is appearing. It is only the mind, the ego, which comes and says 'I want this, I don't want that’. That which resists what is, is the ego. So all energies, all bliss, all of these forces, they can come and go as they please. You are That which remains untouched by all of this play.

“Also the mind seems to have creeped in behind the eyes, like Sri Mooji says, But it's all okay.”

Right now, if you refuse to believe your next thought, then show me what power the mind has. And it is only the thought which will come and say 'but this is difficult’ or ‘this is complicated; it happens on its own’. Let all thoughts come and let them go. Just be completely open. Don't give them any room. Including 'behind the eyes’.

What does it mean when we say 'The mind seems to have crept in from behind the eyes?' That means our vision seems to be sort of constricted, isn't it? The personal ‘I’ is always looking at everything saying 'what's in it for me? What's in it for me? What's in it for me?' Always, everything is about 'me, me, me, me, me’. And when we let go of these personal eyes, then we're not grasping at everything that comes in front of us. Then our vision becomes more global. And once you lose the 'me', this individual sense of me, then the mind can try all it's tricks but you cannot come back to this personal form of living.

And this does not mean that you have to leave your life. It doesn't mean you have to leave your life. Life will still live itself exactly the way it has been doing. But it will not seem personal anymore, because you have discovered that there never was a person. It was just an imagined concept. Just an idea.

MAY 19

GUIDED MEDITATION: LET EVERYTHING BE EXACTLY AS IT IS

What I wanted to say was that we can leave everything.

For few minutes we can just leave everything.

Leave everything means just let it be exactly as it is.

Let everything be exactly as it is just for a few minutes.

Don't feel that you have to do something about anything.

If something is pulling for your attention, and even if your attention is going for it, it's completely fine; don't try to control your attention also.

Don't try to deal with the Presence also.

Nothing. Leave everything exactly as it is.

If your body is moving let it move, if it is still let it be still.

Whether your breath is steady or uneven, forget about it. Just let it be.

Whether your mind is noisy or quiet, just let it be exactly as it is.

Whether there are emotions or no emotions, doesn't matter to you.

But if attention is going to objects, external or internal objects, or attention is resting in the Presence or it is at home with the absolute self, makes no difference to you.

Just let it be exactly as it is.

Leave the future.

If you have to live for another hundred years or you just have another minute to live, you just let it be.

We have described all the various appearances which are coming and going.

Ask yourself this question: Who is witnessing the appearances?

Am I the witness of these appearances or am I also an appearance?

Is there anything phenomenal which I can call ‘I’?

Observe the no-thingness that you are, which allows all things to come and go.

You are this Awareness.

Here we meet as One.

Om shanti shanti shanti

MAY 27

THE POINT OF SATSANG: COMING TO A PLACE OF UN-ASSOCIATED BEING

So you come to a point a now where even this starts to seem like a sham. You know what the next trick, the next trick which the mind will play is? And it's playing on many of you. We already had this one satsang which was labelled ‘What's the point?’ Because we come to this point where we see this personal seeking; the seeking for freedom also was just personal, was just egoic. Then the question comes: ‘So, what's the point?’

And I want to speak couple of minutes about this: ‘What's the point of satsang?’ It can get like that; because we say that ‘What You Are is ever free. See, what You truly Are, that cannot be bound’. Isn't it? And the person, the ego, can never be free because it is only just imagined. So if ‘What You Are’ is always free, and if the ego will never change, then what's the point of satsang? It's a very valid question. Many of you are encountering this, Isn't it?

But there is something which is getting missed out in these two perspectives. So, one: We are talking as absolute perspective, as Awareness. And it is true that as Awareness you can never be bound. You see?

And the other perspective is this personal perspective, ‘the imagined one’ as I say, which is the ego. In saying that.., we often say that ‘The mind will always talk about you-as-a-person so don't expect it to change’.

So then, what is the point?

The point of satsang is that we come to a place of un-associated Being.

And for those of you who are new to satsang, they might be confused now between ‘Awareness’, ‘Beingness’ and ‘person’. So let me quickly, quickly go through them as well.

So when we speak about ‘the person’ we are saying that this idea that ‘I am a separate entity, I am an individual, I am that which my name refers to’. And it is not the body. What my name refers to is not the body. The body is just a part of what it refers to. Because the body is unconcerned about the relationships, unconcerned about of being a father, mother, daughter, son, parent; all of these things it is unconcerned with. It is unconcerned with the amount of money you have. So, it is not just body.

There is an imagined entity called ‘the person’. Why I say ‘imagined’ is because when you look for it, you cannot find it. Where is the person? You say ‘I don't know’. And yet you will find that there is a voice; the voice of the mind, the voice of the ego, this thought stream which is constantly trying to convince you of your person-hood. And because it speaks authoritatively, we start believing that ‘Yes, I must be this person’. So this is what we mean when we say ‘ego’, ‘person’, ‘mind’. We use all these terms interchangeably.

Then the question is: ‘What is this Being?’ ‘Atman’… we keep hearing these terms, ‘Consciousness’, ‘Atman’, ‘soul’, ‘Being’, ‘God’. But how many are clear about these? Or is it just a label or concept? If I were to tell you to find this sense of ‘I Am’, for many of you this can seem confusing: Sense ‘I Am’, the sense ‘I Am’.

But if I were to ask you: ‘Can you stop being?’… you know it is clear that there is a Being which is here, there is a sense that ‘I Am, the Atman, I exist, the Presence’.

And in this state, (which you call the waking state), it is not possible for this Presence to not be there, for this sense of Being to not be there, is not possible in this state.

And yet in the deep sleep, in sleep state, even this Presence of ‘I Am’ is not there. So if even this ‘I Am’ is not present, how do we know that there is something called sleep state?

How do we know I went to sleep? Like often I say that ‘In satsang it is so boring that you went to sleep, and then you wake up in ten minutes. You know you went to sleep, Isn't it? There is nothing to report from there; but you are aware of even this nothing’.

So this is what we mean by ‘Awareness’.

When I ask the question: ‘Are you aware now?’ Am I aware now?

This is the only non-phenomenal experiencing; which means this is the only confirmation you can give without actually tasting anything phenomenally: ‘Am I aware now?’

Because you don't see anything to confirm this, and yet you know completely ‘Of course, I am aware. Awareness is here. This is what I am’. So when we say that ‘This Awareness… this awareness can never be bound’ it is easy to check: ‘Yes, this Awareness can never be bound. It doesn't want freedom’.

Then when we check, the voice of the mind doesn't change. Even after this discovery that ‘I am this Awareness’ the voice of the mind is still the voice of the mind; always talking to you as if you are a person.

So then we come back to the main point which is: What is the point of satsang?

The point of satsang is that this pure Presence I Am has the power of belief. And it can believe itself to be a person. So the power of belief is the power to pretend it is ‘I Am-ness’ which is associated as a person, ‘the imagined one’. And it is ‘I Am-ness’ which is tired of this association which brings this ‘appearance’ [us] into satsang. And it is ‘I Am-ness’ which rids itself of this association as a person, and it becomes the un-associated Being.

So when we are speaking as this Awareness, as this ‘I Am-ness’, as this Beingness… this Being, this Consciousness has complete control over the power of belief; complete control over the power of belief.

The point of satsang is only to get you to withdraw belief from this egoic mind stream, so that you can rest as the un-associated Being, untroubled by this way of suffering which is all personal.

So I was saying that: Once it is clear that belief in this mind stream, in this flow of thoughts, is just the doorway to misery, the doorway to suffering, then our Being is un-associated. So ‘I Am’ stays as ‘I Am’. It is not saying ‘I am the body’. It is not saying ‘I Am (whatever your name is)’. It is not saying ‘I Am (whatever identity); father, daughter, son, child’. It is pure un-associated Being.

This resting as pure un-associated Being is freedom from suffering. That is the entire of point of satsang; to get this pretend-association broken and to get you to a point of un-associated Being, which is your own Presence, which is your own Satguru, which is You in your dynamic aspect.

WHO COMES TO A SANGHA?

You see that in every sangha, there are some different types of constituents; different types of constituents. So some will come and be part of sangha, and they will drop out. This is normal. Some drop outs are bound to be. So let's say it may be the college metaphor.

So some will say that ‘Oh, this course is really not for me. I drop out’.

And other type of drop out will say ‘I got everything. I already know this course, and why am I here? So I drop out’. So those are the drop outs.

Then there are some who Graduate, who really in their heart they feel ‘Yes. This true discovery of What I Am is clear’. So what I mean by graduate is: It's clear, no suffering, none of this trouble; but it doesn't feel to continue as part of this sangha anymore. It feels like Life is starting its own course. It is going somewhere in its own way. And I say ‘Okay, you Graduate and let life take you wherever it is taking you’.

But it's good if you get this Graduation from the mouth of the Master, you see? Because many times the drop outs will say that ‘Yes, yes, I already know this, this is clear to me’. So it's good to check. It's just good to check.

The fourth are those who just feel like ‘This is my Home. It's not a college. This is where I must be! I cannot leave. And I don't care; graduated, dropped out, understood, not understood… I just know that this is Home’.

So like this. Every sangha has all of this. It's okay. This is how it plays…

June 2015

JUNE 3

NO FEAR OR GUILT ABOUT WHERE ATTENTION IS GOING

“Namaste Father.”

Namaste, my dear. So good to see you here.

“Good to see you. I'm so happy that Parvati brought this up, because I had also watched something with Adya, maybe yesterday, and maybe we were watching the same thing. When you were talking about it with her I could feel that it was kind of skimming over me or something, and that's always suspicious to me that maybe something's not wanting to hear. So my sense is that something so enjoys these sort of elevated experiences and then when experiences like, you know, what might be considered typical human experiences, like feeling sad or even worried. When those come there's some assumption that's instantly made that means I've lost it or I'm not being myself, or something. And then there's this sort of 'Okay, wait a second, that's not true. This is all this One’. And so I don't know if what happens is just the fascination with these elevated experiences or if there's really something still in the game of avoiding. So just however you can guide me and show me, I feel very open to hear. I'll mute so I can hear you well.”

Thank you my dear. So what we said is and what Parvati said when she started was, in her Heart it is completely clear that this is the Truth and that clarity is an unshakable one, isn't it? So it is clear that I am this Awareness. Now in Satsang why do we say it? Because sometimes we need the reminder because there might be some feeling that this clarity is not stabilized, so we need the reminder. But if we are operating from this clarity, then we must not use this as some sort of an advantage in our day to day practical living. Because very quickly it is the ego itself which uses advaitic concepts as an ego defence. You see? Or as a cheat code for the rest of our life. It will say, 'This game of life I've figured out because now I have the cheat code that I am Awareness.' [Laughter] And it doesn't work like that; Enter 'I am Awareness' and the game all becomes..., you know, only the expectations of the mind then get served up. That's what the ego itself is saying. So with this unshakable clarity about what we are, we see that in day to day life everything is moving in resonance at that level.

So somebody comes to you and talks to you about work, about building a website, and then you're talking about building a website. Somebody comes to Sumeher with a case, he's going to talk to them about the case. He's not going to say, 'Oh first let's come to the conclusion about who's really suffering from this legal matter?' You see? It's not like that. That is what is the reverse kind of level confusion. You see your reality to be this. And ultimately, what can we really say about reality? What can we really say? Even the word Awareness does not do it justice, you see. There is no word which can really convey what we are. You see? So what happens is that in the rest of our life, we are just letting this Consciousness play out the way it is playing out and not confusing levels over there. In Satsang we come and we say, ' Okay, Satsang is reminder... Satsang is reminder about what I am.' And we hear, 'Yes, I am this Awareness. I am this Awareness.'

So there must not be no aversion to even hearing, 'I am this Awareness' because that is what Satsang is for. Because you are here to remind you about what is real. And if this is clear, then day to day life just can continue in its own way. So we are not going around then Advaita policing or being spiritual jerks or trying to fix your car by repeating 'I am Awareness, 'I am Awareness'. It doesn't work. It needs to be taken to the mechanic. But many get stuck in this kind of thing where they feel, 'Okay now I'm liberated. And I heard in the books that the liberated one never had any problems.' And then they, 'Oh my car broke down. Does this mean I'm not Awareness now?' You see? This kind of ludicrous stuff. So that is what we are speaking about. That in our heart it can be completely clear what I am, but when your car is broken down you don't go to your family and say, 'But I'm awake. I can't take it to the mechanic. How can it even break down? You must be lying. It's my car and I'm awake. It's not allowed to break down.' I'm exaggerating just to make the point, you see? Usually it shows up in much more subtle ways than this, but unless I exaggerate it doesn't register.

“I wanted to share something that I think someplace that maybe there was not clarity, and in the last few days it's opened up. So I would just be doing whatever duties and – let's say making breakfast or something- and attention was just free doing whatever it was doing. And then suddenly a thought would come, 'I haven't been, you know, conscious. I haven't been putting attention on Awareness.' And then there would be like this, who knows, minutes or hours or days of obsessing about how I lost it, or you know something. And just the other day I realized that game had been being played. For maybe a very long time, maybe years. That game had been being played. I realized that when you were sharing with me, that's just another way that the mind has been playing something that would suggest… I don't even know what I'm saying now.”

I understand what you're saying. So along the way somewhere, the mind also took on this instruction and said 'You must abide as the Self, abide as Awareness, keep your attention with the Presence’. All this was heard and at that point in time, maybe it was Grace that it was heard like this because something got cleared up in that. But now, we realize that even this instruction is not for me, you see? Because what happens is that..., I have not at least met someone who has been able to constantly keep their attention with anything. Be in Awareness, be in Presence. I have not met one, you see?

So when attention goes somewhere else, then very quickly the mind brings up the guilt thing. 'See, you allowed your attention to move and that's why this is happening.' So this is seen like this that it became a mind trick. The mind was saying 'You must keep your attention only here, only there.' In fact, I don't find that freedom. If it was forcibly trying to keep attention somewhere. I would not label that freedom actually.

That's why we say, leave attention also completely free. Where can it go? It's not going anywhere at all. It's always inside you. All appearances are inside you. So no fear about where attention is also going. And therefore no guilt about it. So even this trick is dropped now.

JUNE 10

THE TRUTH WHICH REQUIRES NO LABEL

Our feeble attempt to make something out of no thing is called identification and this is our feeble attempt because it does not last, no identity lasts, because of the short span. Yesterday I was sharing, because he asked, I was sharing that even with the spiritual journey there have been so many identities that have been taken on here, the Art of Living, and this, and that. Why is identity so unstable? Why is it constantly changing? Because it has no ground to stand on, it has no reality to exist upon.

And That's why the sense of this identity is a constant job of the mind to keep trying and it keeps suffering (with few glimpses of joy here and there). Because it cannot succeed in making an entity out of you, in making you another thing: that it cannot do. But it continues to be the job of the mind to keep trying and it keeps on and on and on, even when the mind is saying ‘I stopped now! I promise, I stopped!’ It keeps on and on to convince you of the separation that can never happen.

Therefore if we say Oneness or we say Nothingness or we say Emptiness, none of these words actually come close; because if you're not an entity, these words are meaningless. If you are no-thing, the concept of being characterized as one thing or two things, a jnani or a bhakti, an advaitin or a devotee, all of this doesn't matter to you. All of these are also labels, also identities, and the Truth is not interested in any labels. At best these labels can be pointers. But if all that I did after satsang is make an Advaitin out of you then satsang has not worked, you see?

I'm just showing you a mirror and this mirror is saying that there is nothing there, that there is nobody home. And it can seem like an attack when something like this is said: ‘Oh, you are nothing!’ It can seem like an attack. That's why I like to say you are no- thing; you cannot be a mere thing, you see. The mind wants to make a glorious person out of you but the most glorious person in all its glory cannot become real. You are already that which is real. You are already the Truth.

So the most amazing sounding ideas from the mind, even the most humble sounding ideas from the mind are still only trying to perpetuate the identity; they are still referring to you as something. So this is what I mean when I say: don't be anything at all. Don't be something. And this is your natural state. It is not work. And for most of you it is becoming clear that it is identity which is effort and not resting in the natural state.

If you drop all ideas of ‘I'm not worthy, I'm not there yet, I'm not awake yet’. All of this, if you drop for just a minute, you yourself will see clearly that to identify is a lot of effort and you are tired of it, That's why you're in satsang. It cannot be that you are continuing to enjoy the leela so much and yet your feet walk towards satsang, so something there already knows that ‘This game has tired me out now and I'm done playing’.

But the ticket seller for this game does not give up so easily, you see. It is saying ‘Ok, so now there is this new version of the game and this game is called spirituality. So far, you were playing the materialistic game, and you are tired of it, good, but now I have a new one for you and it is called spirituality and what is the end of this game? You will discover the truth!’ It is trying to sell you this ticket and you play this game like you play snakes and ladders; one day when the states are good you say ‘Oh, I climbed up the ladder, I must be making progress towards God!’ and the second day when the states are not so good you say ‘Oh no, I got bitten by the snake, we are down again in the bottom’.

I am here to tell you that even this game is not required, it is just like any other game; of what use, of what value would that God be which is to be found at the end of some game? Let us now find the God which is here right now because if God is eternal, if God is omnipresent, then both in time and space, also it must exist now.

So who can tell me that God is not here now? Because many, many, many for many millennia have asked this question; ‘Can you show me God? ‘We have heard many stories like this, that many great sages started their quest like this and they would go to many great masters and they would say ‘Can you show me God?’ Sometimes they would say ‘Have you seen God?’ Which is a very powerful question to ask a master, you see. Which actually means that ‘Have you had the living experience of God or are you speaking concepts from some concepts or some presumptions of God? Have you seen God?’

And then if the answer is in the affirmative you can say: ‘Can you show me God?’ So the master must not speak from a presumed idea. If he is also living in presumptions, then how will he lead you out of this world of concepts? So here, when someone asks ‘Can you show me God’, then I know that when I say that ‘Your own Consciousness, your own Being is God’ then it can seem a little confusing to the mind. Because I myself dealt with this confusion for a long time.

Therefore I do not say: find your Being. I don't say: find your Being. I say: Can you stop being?

When we hear this question you must really try to stop being, because the question has to be tasted, you see? You must not just give it to the mind and then say ‘Oh no, obviously not’ and then say ‘No’. You have to taste the question: Can I stop being now? And the answer comes: ‘No. It is seen’. When the answer is coming from a place of seeing then it is valuable. If it's just coming from some understanding that ‘No, no, being is always here, how can it stop?’ then it's not worthwhile. You can see right now that the Presence is here, Being is here; That in the light of which I call the waking state, That is here. And it cannot be stopped.

The discovery of your Presence, the sense ‘I Am’, Being, Atma, is as simple as this; if you don't go along with the thought of the mind which says ‘But it cannot be that simple!’ Because when you hear about the yogis and the sadhus who do sadhana for decades and decades in search for God, in search for Consciousness, that which is right under your nose seems like it is the most difficult to find, Isn't it? Because we go here and there looking for God, looking for our self, we go everywhere. But we never, or we rarely ever stop and see what is already here. This is the trick, you see.

there's a Hindi movie I was watching recently, and Amaya might have seen this one, it's called Jab We Met. What happens in this movie is that there's this big situation, there's this boy and girl who want to run away from home. They want to run away and so what do they decide? They are going to pretend that they ran away, then come back into that house and come in through the back door. And while everybody’s out looking for them, they are hiding inside the house, because nobody’s looking for them inside the house.

This is what the spiritual search has become – looking, looking here, there, everywhere but where is God to be found? Already here! It cannot leave, you see, your own presence cannot leave you. So if you're authentically searching for the truth and not some concept of God which you have picked up along the way, then that is ever present. It's your own holy presence. That's why it must be that Papaji, sometimes in videos you see him and he says ‘Don't move an inch! Don't stir a thought!’ He says like this, no? ‘Don't move now, don't move!’ Which means don't what? Don't go here, there, anywhere; just here!

Therefore just in this simple question inquiry: Can I stop being now? … [broadcast breaks] … who else is here except this Presence? Is there anyone else here? And for this, you can have one very beautiful answer which is the only answer that I will accept. So I say that ‘This Presence is here: who else is here?’ And you can say ‘I am that which is aware even of this Presence and ultimately even this Presence is appearing and disappearing inside me, I-as-this-Awareness’.

If you see like this you will discover the power of the story that Moojiji tells about the visitor to the king that says ‘I am even higher than God’. It is not coming from arrogance, you see, it is coming from nothingness; that Nothing which is even aware of the Presence of Consciousness. Because even Presence you are aware of.

What must you be? What must you be, if even this Presence of God you are aware of it? You cannot fathom your own magnificence, you see. We cannot fathom our own magnificence, just believing ourselves to be this dream character, this live action role-play character.

David typed something which caught my attention, he said, “I had the question this morning, Father, what does it mean to see through the eyes of the Absolute?”

This is exactly what we are saying right now actually, because that which is aware even of Presence, which eyes must those be?

So this Presence in the light of which all of this play of the multiverses comes into play, time, space, gravity electricity, evolution, all these energies come into play through this supreme intelligence of this Presence itself. You are that which aware even of this Presence being born and it dissolving inside You. This must be the eyes of the Absolute, Isn't it?

Yes, and then (David) you say, “I think you have been describing it.”

So now which problem can you have? What can make you suffer without picking up some falsehood? You Are That which is aware of all appearances, all the comings and goings of this world; You are aware of the coming and goings of millions of bodies which you have called ‘my body’. You are aware even of that.

Now as this Awareness, as this Awareness, what can you report? Is this Awareness interested, does it have a desire for anything at all? And you have to do nothing to become this, in fact you cannot do anything to not be this! Nothing can truly make a person out of you.

So when you say that ‘How do I abide in this?’ I say that you cannot not abide in this. You are always abiding only in this. So what you might mean actually is how do I stop pretending to be a person? How does Consciousness stop pretending to be a person? That must be the meaning of abiding, you see. Abiding cannot be that you're actually not the Awareness any more, and you must become the Awareness and stay as that. It must only mean that we stop pretending as if we are something else. How do you know it is a pretense? How do you know that the person is a pretense? How can it not be a pretense? Because when you look for it, you cannot find it.

You see if you are having a conversation about any other topic in the world and you would come with a presumption like this, that ‘I cannot see it and never found it, just these voices come and tell me that I Am That’. So suppose that the voice in your head was telling you that you are the king of England? Suppose this is what the voice was telling you: ‘You are the king of England’ and you believe this voice and you are convinced. So you talk to anyone in the world and they will say ‘Ok, what evidence do you have? Can you show a birth certificate? Can you show a family tree? Can you show something?’

But when everybody says that ‘I am a person’, this is the collective hypnosis you see, the collective hypnosis that nobody asks: ‘So how do you know that you are a person? Can you show me where this person is? Can you show me some evidence of its existence?’ But nobody asks this question. It is very rare in this realm for this question to be asked. Everybody’s interested in the attributes of the person. What do you like? What don't you like? What are your tastes? All of these things: what are your goals? What are your strengths and weaknesses? What is your five-year plan? All the questions that your human resources team is telling you to ask, all these things, we find out a lot about this person. Are you really motivated? Are you driven? All these attributes of the person. Nobody says ‘How do you know you are a person?’

Because it seems like it is the most obvious thing that you must be a person. And all of this suddenly becomes more real when I say ‘person’ instead of ‘ego’. But it is exactly the same thing, the sense of separation, the sense of separateness. So this work of fiction, this work of imagination is the basis of most of our desires and aversion; all of our desires and aversions. So the only question then left is: ‘Are you open enough to this possibility that you are no-thing, or would you still rather live in the delusion of begin some-thing because you have some fear of what seems like emptiness?’ Because sometimes we will say that ‘I would rather be a miserable, suffering some-thing than not know what I am’. So we must be honest with this.

You cannot avoid this not-knowingness. It comes like this. You want to go from certainty to certainty. You say ‘I was a person, now I'm not a person, so give me some certainty about what I am, then I’ll be willing to be open. You tell me I'm God, yes this sounds good. there's some certainty about it, but don't tell me I'm no-thing. Because I would rather be a miserable, suffering some-thing than be a no thing’.

But how can a no thing suffer? And once you discover the magnificence of your no-thing-ness, it is That in which all the something comes and goes. And you say ‘Ok, ok, I'm willing to look more’. Because these kind of words are more reassuring, you see? So if I was to just leave it at that, ‘You are no thing’ and not say anything else, this could be the shortest satsang actually [laughs]: ‘You are no thing, forget about it’. That's not very… it's not an aid to openness. So sometimes I have to make friends with your identity and say ‘So, you will discover that you are that greatness’. And somebody says, “Yes, yes, greatness! I'm willing to discover about myself’. Tis no-thing-ness is not very attractive.

This Awareness that You Are is aware of Being. This Awareness that You Are cannot suffer, cannot have as story. It cannot even identify. So the problem of identification is not a problem that Awareness is having. This seeming problem is the play of the dynamic aspect of Awareness, which is called Consciousness or Beingness or God or whatever.

By the way also I'm not very attached to definitions, ok? So if your definition of God is different from mine, it is completely fine. If your God is the Absolute, is Awareness itself, I have no trouble with that. So don't get stuck in the definitions of what I'm saying. Just find the Truth which requires no label. Then you will find that all labels are just used to express in this dynamic aspect play, but ultimately no label has any meaning.

JUNE 11

CONTEMPLATION: DISCOVER THAT NOTHING CAN TOUCH THE PURE SEEING

“Can I please say something?”

Yes, dear. You found the appearance which could touch Awareness? (In reference to an earlier question).

“It feels like there's some energy that doesn't want me to recognize that this pain is not touching me. It feels like space or detachment. The pain in some part increases and then my attention goes there and then this thought, ‘Oh I have to do something about it. I have to find relief’. Then I'm totally involved.”

This energy, we know that it is there. It is called the ego. [Laughing] And different variants of the ego, which doesn't want you to discover that no appearance can actually touch you. But this energy has no tangible existence, you see? So let it jump around. If it feels like something is jumping around, it's okay. Even use that for your contemplation and say... 'this energy, this energy...' Is this energy also touching you?

Everything derives its power only from you.

“It feels like whatever is going on... I don't feel this power. It feels like...”

Whatever feeling it might be, whatever feeling... is it touching Awareness?

So in the same way like you looked at that thought, in the same way you can look at pain. You can look at these uncomfortable emotions or energies. What is touching the looking? You see?

And for many of you, maybe on YouTube it might seem 'This is getting boring' or something like that. But I tell you, discover this! Discover that no appearance can touch the pure seeing, the looking, the Awareness that you are. Then you will lose this idea that something can happen to you. Or something is happening to you.

Is this a smile of discovery or is your mind playing some jokes with you? [Laughter]

“I don't know.”

Who can show me the appearance which is touching the looking, or the Awareness? [Silence]

Which appearance can touch that which sees it? And if you are that which sees it and if you are untouched by any appearance, then how can you ever say that something happened to 'me'. Same with seriousness; how can you ever truly say that something happened to 'me'? [Silence]

Is this clear for everyone? If it's not clear for anyone, I'm very happy to look at this together. Do you see that all which is appearing phenomenally is just an appearance and you are that which sees this appearance?

That which is the pure seeing itself, the Awareness itself is you. And there is no way that any appearance can actually hurt you in reality. Come to this discovery. Don't go with something the mind is telling you. Check this. The mind also is just another appearance. So you can watch that and see if You-as-Awareness are touched by any thought. [Long Silence]

Even if the mind is showing you some visuals, is painting a picture for you about the Truth, know that even that is seen and it is not an image that you are. You see even this image. Look through all your problems, all your grievances, all the suffering. Find that appearance which actually touched you.

Find out where the body touches you. [Long Silence]

All appearances are appearing to you. And they are disappearing for you. That which is appearing and disappearing, you are the unchanged witness of that. Every cell of this body is different from the cell of the baby that was born. Everything in the external world is also changing. All the thoughts are coming and going. Emotional states also come and go. The states of waking, sleep, dream, other meditation states, they are also coming and going. How can you be just in the content of one of these states? This body is only here in this waking state. Who is the witness of the coming and going of all of these states? Are you also coming and going?

Now when you see that no appearance actually touches you, affects you, then it does not matter what the mind is speaking about any appearance. The mind can only speak about phenomena. The non-phenomenal you, it cannot know.

Now you are discovering yourself to be this formless one. You can no longer call yourself or any form 'me' or 'mine'.

We start with this discovery that nothing has ever happened to me and nothing can ever happen to me. And then one day you might say that nothing has ever happened at all.

DON'T TRY TO BE ENLIGHTENED. NOBODY CAN DO IT.

Don't try to be enlightened. Don't try to be enlightened; nobody can do it. Just Being is enough. No suffix is required after being. Being is the highest glory, you see? So even being enlightened, being liberated, being free is not required. Just BEING. Because in the trying to become something, you're still presuming that there is an entity here that can be enlightened or free or liberated. Freedom as we call it is just the freedom from this idea that there was an entity here.

So the trap that we seem to fall into is this feeling that this entity here must now become a different type of entity, with a new set of attributes which are related to particular states. Isn't it? So when you see the struggle, when you see the sense of 'getting it, losing it', it is only because we feel this entity now should only vibrate in a different sort of state... of joy, of peace, of love or something like this. But if the presumption still... if the presumption still is that there is an entity here who is now in a particular state, then it is still falsehood, you see? Still falsehood.

And if you pick up this idea of 'being enlightened' or 'being free' then it will come with a lot of concern about things like self-image, whether people accept that 'I am now free'. Many I have seen like this; 'I'm free, I'm very clear about it. Why can't you just accept that I'm free?' And they come everywhere, on Facebook, and everywhere and they argue about it. 'Oh you just can't see it because you are bound, but I am free.' [Laughing] Like this, some debates we see, no? And we can just laugh at these things, you see?

So when it is still coming from a personal perspective... when you feel 'I as a person now have got something. I've achieved this great state, this glorious state of freedom' - then we are not happy just to see if for ourselves or just to delude ourselves. We want everybody around us also to delude themselves with this. But it's the perpetuation of the same delusion... of personhood.

That's why you have so many who will have this report that 'I have been at it for forty years, for fifty years. I'm giving up on this idea of enlightenment.' And yet they don't. They only say. Because they would be a lot lighter, a lot freer, if they gave up even on this idea of enlightenment. Because it cannot be found for any person, you see? Is it enough to see that everything that you presumed yourself to be was a lie? And that actually there is no-thing here. If you're still operating from the need that 'I must become something', then what can I really offer you. I can only offer you some pointers which are showing you that all that you have thought about yourself does not exist.

Most of us don't even have a visual, imaginary picture of this person that we have always presumed ourself to be. Are you okay with this or not? Are you okay to know that you are no-thing? And not just okay conceptually. You see, because some of you love me so much that you say 'I love you so much that I am even okay with this.' But not just okay like this, from faith or from belief. But okay after checking.

Who after checking can find the person entity? Upon checking you will find this presence of Being. And you will see that it is in the presence of Being that all other appearances are coming and going. And you will see that I Am That which is aware of this presence also. And if this seeing did not come with any perks, no frills, no fireworks, nothing. No siddhis, nothing else. Would it be enough to see finally that this is what I have always been? Or are there still some other desires which actually get juice from your belief? And if you investigate those you will find they are all personal, you see? You will find that all desire, all aversion is personal.

And nothing personal I can give you. Actually if I was to give you something personal than it would be a disservice. If the one place where you can come to, where it is not personal, if even there it was to become personal - would that be good or would that be a disservice?

Priya said, “Yes take everything Father. Take it all. Burn it all to dust. Such beauty in no-thing. And this cannot be known. The 'me' can never find its own absence.”

All I take anyway is all that you don't need. All your concepts, all your ideas; that's all I want. Nothing I want from you, except 'burn here all which is false.' And I know that I do not give you the Truth. Nobody can give you the Truth. The Truth is already what you are, you see? So I only help you remove these thorns of falsehood.

GUIDED MEDITATION: THE WORLD NEEDS YOUR PRESENCE AS GOD

So these words just are slowly, slowly, slowly dissolving the prior conditioning which exists. Are removing these thorns which are distracting you from what you really are. Beause what you are, I cannot express. Even your direct by-products; which are Being. And in the presence of Being, presence of love, presence of peace presence of joy. Which words can capture even the glory of these, which are your own children. If I cannot even describe your children, how can I describe you?

So then we make do with these words, like Awareness or Witnessing or Seeing or Pure Knowing... or some word like this. But nothing comes close, you see? But know that what I speak of conceptually is impossible to understand. What I speak of conceptually is impossible to understand. But right now in this instant, you can see for yourself. So when you feel 'I'm not getting it. I'm not getting there', then again we're picking up the conceptual perspective.

So very much I enjoy when you come and say, that this is what you see. Instead of going to the past, future, some idea about yourself, something about the world... something like this. Instead of that if you say, 'Right now this is what is here.' You come with this kind of openness, than it is impossible for you to miss it actually. Impossible. But one trouble can still come. The one trouble that still comes, is you say 'Oh but my mind is still unconvinced. I'm not there yet.' Who is saying these words? 'I didn't see anything.' Who is saying these words.

I've given you the most simple tools. The most simple tools to remove these thorns. Even a child if he's open will look at them and say, 'So simple.' As I say, can you stop being now?

Can you stop being now? What are you aware of when you answer this question? Therefore let me point you to this seeing: can you stop being now? What are you aware of that confirms that it is not possible? This is your own holy presence; your own Being. This is true Satsang, the company of Being. The company of Truth. Where did you find Being? Where do you have to go? How can you lose it? How did you get it?

Are you not the Awareness which is aware even of this Being?

Are you not aware now?

Can there be an end to this?

Is this Awareness a creation that can be destroyed?

Which object, which thought, which emotion can touch you now? Now that you see that all these are just coming and going in the appearance. Can anything ever happen to you? Has anything ever happened to you?

You are never bound. And that which cannot be bound does not need freedom. What key can open the chains that never existed? How will you escape this prison which never was? How can the drop become the ocean? What advice can you give to the water which says, 'I am thirsty.' Just this reminder that there are no chains, there is no prison, and the thirst is just a concept.

Give up trying to become anything at all. Don't try to become a better person. Don't try to get freedom. The world does not need any more good people, but it needs your presence as God. If it needs anything at all, it needs your presence as God.

[Long Silence]

So now find the number one idea you have about yourself. Find the idea that defines you. The idea that you have nurtured with your belief. And throw away this idea in the fire of Satsang today.

May you be free from all concepts of 'me'. May they no longer distract you from the Truth of what you are.

May the Satguru's Grace, may Moojiji's Grace always be with all of you.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti.

JUNE 12

CONTEMPLATION: MY LIFE IS YOURS NOW

You have no end, you are the timeless one.

There is nobody who can come to the end. This is still the voice of the interpreter.

Like we were saying yesterday, don't try to become enlightened, don't try to become free. Drop all trying. And you are in satsang. Nothing can happen to you. You are in my father’s grace. And even if… the surrender means even if this body had to drop, let it drop in satsang. What more auspicious end can there be to this body?

In this way, with this love and devotion, then you are not touched; then you are not fearing these fears. Actually the moment we utter the word Guru, Guru should mean that ‘My Life is Yours now, so do with me as you please’. This is the true meaning of handing your existence over to Existence. And once we make the prayer that ‘I hand over the existence to Existence’ if everything was to become just one big party, then what have we transcended? Then we didn't transcend anything.

So when we make the prayer of surrender, it must be accompanied by this devotion to see through anything. ‘Let it come’. So, to make the prayer of surrender, just in the words of this prayer, you could destroy all that you hold dear and near actually. This is surrender.

So blessed are those who can naturally hold God, Guru, Truth, all the same thing, and naturally hold God higher than any idea they have about themselves; and can say ‘Do whatever You like with this life. Even if death has to come now, it is only your will’. This is devotion. And it is not a trivial prayer. When you make it, all your own doubts about your devotion will be tested. God doesn't doubt your devotion. All this test comes. It's not like it is very popularly said that ‘God is testing you’. Why would God want to test you? These tests only come so that you transcend your own doubts.

Millions and millions of bodies we have had. And if we continue to want to play, then millions and millions more we will have. There are no limits in Consciousness. All the experiences that you want can be had.

Om shanti shanti shanti

JUNE 15

YOU HAVE CARRIED THIS IDEA OF ‘ME’ LONG ENOUGH

You carried this idea of me long enough. ‘I want it this way, I want it that way, I don't want this, I want do this, I don't want to do this, I should do this, I should not do this, I should have done this, I should have not done this’. All of this, just throw it away.

No person has ever existed; and this is not esoteric. This is not something which you have to do a lot of practice to understand. Right now when you look, you cannot find the person. So if you refer to yourself as ‘me’, do it only conversationally, do it as only as a game

Know that you are The Supreme Lord. And also know that because you are The Supreme Lord, you can never make ‘the person’ also real. Because this knowledge of being The Supreme Lord, sometimes we feel that ‘my personal life should become better’ but it doesn't work like that. That's why we jokingly say that because I am free now, we feel that our car should never break down. It doesn't work like that. But life is not vindictive, life is always supportive and always in service to your truest desire; and your truest desire is this Self- discovery.

So don't resist any buttons which are being pressed; and then you find yourself to be that which is Untouched, Unaffected by any appearance. You can see this for yourself now whether it is your first satsang or thousandth satsang.

There is no concept of worthiness, unworthiness, wanting it enough or not wanting it enough, new or old, devoted or not devoted; even loving or not loving, forget about it! You just see what is here right now. And nobody can tell me that ‘I am not aware now’, nobody can also tell me that ‘I saw something phenomenally to confirm my awareness’. Therefore you must be this non-phenomenal awareness from which all this phenomenal energy is arising. And if you still hold a personal desire ‘I want freedom but I want it this way, I want freedom which is not so simple, I want to achieve something called freedom’ then we can keep trying and we can keep speaking like this for hundreds of years and hundreds of lifetimes.

Are you willing to give up your concepts of not just yourself, but also of freedom? Are you willing to give me all your beliefs and burn them in this fire of satsang? Or there's still something that you want to hold onto which you feel is so precious that You-as-God must have this or have it in a certain way? Or are you happy to drop your story right now, if nothing could be written about you after this moment in time?

Somebody wants to write your life experiences; and they come and say, and you talk about your childhood and everything, and everything stops at this satsang, nothing further to tell. Would you be okay with that?

Is the story more important? Are you willing to continue leading this pretend life of personhood for just a story? Or are you willing to just let go and say ‘No interest in this story of my life anymore’?

Because expecting life to be the way you wanted as a person is arrogance. Even if you are saying that ‘I want the most humble life and I want to be the most humble person’ who are you to decide? You don't even exist.

It is only an idea. It has always only been an idea that you have had about yourself. There has been no Ananta, there has been no Atma, there has been no Adam, there has been no Dana, there has been no Jane; all just ideas we have. And when you check, you see this for yourself. And yet this mind comes and says ‘…but, but, but… How can it be like this? Don't you want it a certain way? Shouldn’t our life end in glorious halo or something?’

How long do you want me to wrestle with this mind of yours? Or can we just commune as Consciousness, as One? I can never convince your mind, and your mind can never convince me. So identify all the stories which your mind can tell you which still get your belief and throw them away now. Otherwise the mind is not going to run out of stories, it will have a fresh one for you all the time; ‘Now you are here now you are there’. Something, something, some story, some script will always go on. We could be in the last moments of our life and still wondering what is this life all about. So don't wait till then; see right now. All of this is just a leela, a play for your experiencing.

Have no concept of ‘me’. Ok, if it feels too strong then have no concept of ‘me’ just for a day; only for today. And you tell me if life stopped. Just a day we can afford, no? Even if it feels like such strong fear comes for many of you; ‘Oh, what's going to happen to my life if I drop this concept of me?’ It can be experimented with, this for a day. And see if something really suffers. And some of you have these feelings that ‘I don't want to relate to Ananta as a Guru anymore. I don't want to call him ‘father’. Why can't we be just friends?’ You drop this ‘me’ and forget ‘friends’. I am happy to sit at your feet, because my head is forever bowed down to those who have let go of this person idea. I am a servant of those.

Om shanti shanti shanti

JUNE 19

NOTHING TO GET, RESIST OR GIVE

What if we were never to get anything from anything in life?

What if we were never to get anything from this satsang?

Anything from any appearance, and relationship, any work?

What if the world just lost the ability to give you anything or what if you lost the ability to take something from the world? There is nothing in it for you anymore. With anything and yet the appearance continues. So is this frustrating or is this free?

Nothing, not from me, not from satsang, not from any relationship. No endeavor of any sort giving you anything. What if there was nothing to get and nothing that you can give to the world also.

And those, which you feel you would like to get, the things, which you feel are owed to you; the things, which you feel are your right: identify them, identify these concepts. What do you still want? Identify all that you want.

And hand over all of these concepts, all these ideas which you think your life should give you.

Hand it over to the SatGuru in your own heart. Burn it here in the fire of satsang. Be free from all of these. Experience the desire leaving you. All of this is now is handed over to God.

And even don't say that ‘even I don't want something’ because very quickly you can take a desire and turn it into aversion.

So now look at the things which you don't want. Look at all of your aversions and hand them also over. Let it all be the SatGuru's to take care of now. You know nothing about it. Nothing. Not even that it is over. No predictions about the future. Nothing to get, nothing to resist, nothing to give.

And it is okay for a while if everything starts to feel little meaningless cause nothing has anything to give you. It is okay for awhile if it all seems a little meaningless. (We) will transcend this meaningless and come to the true Oneness, non-separation of the no-thing state.

Nothing in it for you. Especially Freedom you will not get. Freedom will not be given to you and you will not get it. And if there is some reaction coming to this, watch it and let it burn.

You cannot get Freedom. And you cannot also help anyone get Freedom.

Drop this idea that the world needs your help and God needs your help.

JUNE 22

CONTEMPLATION: ALL THERE IS ARISES IN YOU

In fact, the reason why we come to satsang is to taste our own Being. In this Presence, when our attention is immersed, then nothing needs to be understood. Nothing needs to be done when you realize that it is this Being that this entire life belongs to. Everything is done by Being, and all phenomenon is tasted by Being. This is simplicity. Supremely simple. And it has always been this way. This Being is All There Is, and All There Is arises within You. Right now, this is true. It is not a state. It is not a gift for a rare few. You Are Being. It is not special. It has always been. No one has ‘done’ it. It always has been. No one to proclaim, no one to be humble. This is what it always was.

And Being is enjoying this experiencing. Even when it seems there is suffering, there is personal suffering, even that, Being is enjoying. Just like reading the story or a very interesting book. All of this is Your creation as Being. And the ‘person’ cannot own a blade of grass here. This entire universe belongs to You; and not even a small pin belongs to you. You are the one doer of all things; and not a single thing you can do. All states come and go inside You, by Your will; and you cannot hold any state. All Love, all Peace, all Joy, in service to You; and you cannot have anything at all.

That's why: ‘Are you referring to yourself as the first You, or the second one?’ Is our imagination so attractive, so tempting, that we’re still attached to the ‘person’ idea? And Being is enjoying the ‘person’ idea also. Ultimately, it must be said. And I don't say like this very often, because very quickly the ‘person’ itself uses this as an excuse. But every instant of Your play is being enjoyed by You. And only Being is here. Being you can taste. Being you can perceive. Being You Are. I Am.

Where is the ‘other guy’? Where is the ego? No more allegiance to that which you cannot experience; only it's voice which is saying ‘…but, but, but…but what about this?’ Who is speaking? Let that one introduce himself, herself. Then you can trust. Let it come up and say ‘This is me’. It does not exist; never existed. To exist would mean that it had some reality. It was all a part of Your play, all a part of God’s play, in which this energy would come. Being is present, here now. Where is the ego?

So let the one who can introduce himself; let that one speak. Let your voice now belong to That Which Is Present, not that which is imagined. This is completely, completely effortless; effortless. May we all become this voice, this one voice; where there is nowhere to go, nothing to get, to attack, no defence, no desire, no aversion, no proclaiming, no humility, no resistance. It is already so. It always has been.

But you can pretend if you like. And it seems like, it is an attack when I say that you can pretend, because something comes up and it says ‘What do you mean ‘pretend’? I am not pretending’. This one that says ‘I am not pretending’ is the pretence itself; is the pretence itself.

All of you, whether you know it or not, all of us are here to see God. You might feel like we’re here to see Ananta. Ananta might feel like he has to share satsang. None of this is true. you're just here to see Your own Being; see the Truth of What You Are. And God is here, in Your own Presence, in Your own Holy Presence. You cannot step away from It, you cannot keep It aside.

Even the energy of the mind, even the ego (this energy construct called thought) comes from your own Presence. And even if we give belief to the person identity, it does not truly come into existence, you see. We believe it into pretence, not believe it into existence. It's very important that all of us see this. And I know that very often we say in satsang that it is our belief that brings the ‘person’ into existence; and conversationally we can say like this. It's completely fine. But actually, even with our belief, we bring it into pretence, and not existence.

Therefore, none of this play has ever really happened. You never became a person, and you never got Freedom. You never went to sleep and you never awakened. All of this is just a story. Let all your concern, let all your problems, let all your ideas, let your bondage, let your freedom… let it all be mine. It actually already is. Then no Ananta, no you; just this One Being. Then the Sangha of One. This is why this is the Sangha of Being, which is the entire world, you see.

Now we don't play any games. Now we don't have any story. You yourself now chop off the head of any story that you still have. It doesn't even need any intervention. You can do it now. And every time you say ‘I’, any time you say ‘I’, seriously, ‘smell’ from where this ‘I’ is coming from. Conversationally, of course, you can use; we can all use. But with belief, when we say ‘I’, then this ‘I’ must put up its hand and say ‘This is what I am’.

And as long as these are just words, then the mind will make something in this. Let them permeate into your Being. Don't understand anything. Because I am not here to argue with your mind. We can fiddle with it for a while and see if there is openness enough for it to be dropped. Although the mind might want to argue with everything it hears in satsang, the voice that speaks here is not interested in any of these games. Then, if it is games you want, then this entire realm is here for you to play this game. Everyone is playing. Everyone is playing this game of ‘person’, this game of ‘mind’.

“Mind also carries wisdom, Isn't it?”

It depends on which eyes you are looking from. For God, this mind is nothing. For the ‘person’, this mind is everything that it relies on for its existence. Find out Who You Are. Are you God? Or are you a person?

And for how many lifetimes are we going to listen to this wisdom from the mind? Has it cleared us of our suffering? Or is it always wanting more, always wanting something else. It calls you a person. You are saying ‘I am God, using the mind’. But the mind does not call you God. It says that you are a mere bucket of flesh and blood, this one that is going to die. The mind wants to be your god. And it wants you to be the person.

“No, it does not say this.”

But even when it says that you are god, it is referring to you as a person who is now god. Look. Look. Look and see that there is no Stina, and because there is no Stina, there is only God. And This One, This Being, The Presence does not need to rely on these thoughts. Does it need a thought to spin the earth around the sun? Which thoughts are holding that in place? There are millions of processes happening in the body. Which thought is running these? All of these forces, everything is here in this realm; electricity, gravity, light, sound, evolution. Are thoughts required for this?

“God wants me also to take care of the body”.

But this ‘me’. Who is this ‘me’? You already said you are God. See this dichotomy, you see? You must see it. You invent this ‘me’ to take care of something. This ‘me’ never comes into existence, yet it pretends.

Find out What You Are. [Silence] And if you find that You Are this Being, then you are taking care of this entire universe; what is this body for you?

And all of us have been having these conversations now. All of our ideas, even the holy ones, are now being taken away from you. Even your prayers are being taken away from you. Even your surrender is being taken away from you.

“The body is neglected by many Beings.”

There is nobody else here. It is all about You. All of this is a play which is appearing to You.

Find out where this body is; whose body this is.

CONTEMPLATION: JUST REMAIN AS I

I am just here.

I am just … I Am.

Just I.

I.

Independent of anything, including ‘Am’.

Independent even of ‘Am’.

I wonder if you can all hear this.

The ‘Am-ness’ is coming and going, also for many.

And all the children of ‘Am’, all the children of Being,

Love, Peace, Joy, will also come and go.

‘I’ remain ‘I’.

Then all the assocations of ‘Am’

I am a person, I am the body,

I am whatever identification;

They are also coming and going.

But I remain I.

All the stories of ‘I Am’

All the roles of ‘I Am’

all the relationships of ‘I Am’

are also coming and going with ‘Am’.

Yet, I remain as I.

All the states, and everything that these states bring,

coming and going.

I remain I.

This world, this realm, this universe,

appearing and disappearing, coming and going.

Everything in it all seems so real.

All these thoughts and emotions,

just coming and going with the ‘Am’.

And I remain I.

‘Am’ is phenomenally Being,

phenomenally witnessing these phenomenon.

I Am the witness of all of this witnessing.

I remain I.

All that is appearing and disappearing,

all children of Being,

made up of Being itself.

And this Being appears and disappears inside Me.

Through this leela, through this maya,

I remain untouched as I.

This ‘me’ this’ you’ this ‘us’

all coming and going inside the ‘Am’.

Through all of this, we remain as One.

We remain as I.

Many times we have played,

many universes have come and gone,

many bodies have seemed like ‘me’.

Millions of years in time,

millions and trillions of  years in space.

All have come and gone inside Me.

And I remain as I.

Let go of all stories, all concepts, all ideas.

If you are done with this play,

Just remain as I.

July 2015

JULY 7

CONTEMPLATION: WHAT IS BEYOND DEATH?

Some of you know that late last night we had the Darshan of Death. It is a beautiful opportunity, Isn't it? A beautiful opportunity to contemplate death itself. And we must not shy away from this contemplation. I know that in some cultures to even speak of death is taboo. And it is very funny that that which is inevitable, and can happen at any time to anyone, that itself is not so openly discussed.

What will survive this death? Which identity? Which body? Which problem? Which relationship? None of this is going to survive. And yet most of our lives are spent chasing all of this which will not survive. Most of this life is going to be just about things which will not survive death. Then what is the point of it all?

So wouldn’t it be worthwhile to spend a bit of this life, (I don't say dedicate your entire life or something), just spend a bit of this life to find out if there is something actually which is untouched even by death. What will survive the end of all stories?

And I have seen, usually what happens is that for the young ones, we feel that…., (Laughter) (or ‘they’ feel, I should say), they feel that death is far away. So what is the point of contemplating? The young ones, they feel that death is far away; then why contemplate like this? And yet we know that it can come at any time.

This One that passed away last night was 23 or 24. And the older ones, they feel that it is going to come anyways, what's the point of contemplating it? Let me just enjoy life for now.

It can be like this; or some of us might say ‘What is my legacy that I am leaving behind? What charitable works? Which statues? What schools are named after me?’ Then it becomes all that. Something there doesn't want to die, you see. Something doesn't want to die, so it says ‘How can I live on? At least let them remember my name’. This identity seems to be so strong for us. So strong that it says ‘Body is gone, everything thing is gone, I am not there; let my name remain’. Why? What's the big deal about this name? Its identity. Why must our name remain? Remain as what?

In satsang this is what we are doing. Introducing the undying One to the undying One. That which is not concerned with the presence of life; not concerned with any content of the appearance. Find this One. This discovery to me seems much more important than any other material, phenomenal endeavor that I can even imagine.

So if someone was to say that ‘What in this world would you exchange your true discovery for?’ How many millions of dollars? How many wonderful, beautiful relationships? The most healthy, the immortal, the invincible body? Could some of this tempt an exchange of the true discovery with one of these? And the answer very clearly is ‘No’.

This is very similar to… we have an Indian scripture called ‘Dialogue with Death’. Where Death himself comes to speak with this young boy. The boy says ‘I want to discover that which is immortal, undying, untouched by you. Will you be my Guru and show me this one?’

And Death then tries to tempt this boy and says ‘I will give you all the kingdoms in this world, all the most beautiful relationships and an immortal body. But don't ask this question’. ‘Don't ask this question’. And the boys says ‘None of this, none of this I want’.

And we see that this is all that this phenomenal world can promise, is these small candies. Once we see that this is not what the Heart is longing for any more, then the true Darshan of your own immortal Being is here, you see.

Does this mean that you must be averse to phenomenon? Does this mean that you must push it away? Does this even mean that we give ourselves marks of how many temptations have we been able to push away?

Many get stuck/lost in this kind of play. It is none of that. Nothing needs to be pushed aside. Nothing really needs to be renounced also. Just this simple contemplation ‘What is here which is beyond Death?’ We can even start by asking ‘What is here which is beyond sleep?’ If it seems too much this question ‘What is here which is beyond Death?’ then lets starts with this question ‘What is here which is beyond sleep?’ What survives your sleep?

You say ‘I have these states of existence. I have the sleep state, I have the waking state, have the dream state’. And some of you will say ‘I have deeply meditative states, Samadhi states’. All these states you can say.

So if sleep is one of your states, can we identify who remains even when there is sleep state? Who is it that reports that ‘I see that there is nothing there’. ‘What kind of question is this? I see that there is nothing, even I am not there, I know this. I know this that even I am not this’. So if sleep itself is a state that the presumed-you, or even the Presence-of-you is not there, then what still remains that knows this? I wonder for how many of you this, these type of contemplations appeal to?

So if there is One which remains untouched, then there is nothing, there is no phenomenon. You remain untouched what happens so that you start to say that ‘I am touched by this phenomenon’. What changes about you? Actually nothing changes. You remain the same ‘I’ that is untouched by all phenomenon. All that happens is the birth of this phenomenal aspect of you, dynamic aspect of you, called Consciousness or Being.

The birth of disillusion of this Being; actually it must be said that even this does not touch You. But the way in which You designed this game was that you must have said ‘But if it is always to clear to me that nothing touches me, then what is the joy or fun of this game? If it is always to remain clear that nothing which is phenomenal touches me, where is the bite? Where is the challenge? Where is the fun in this game?’

Therefore You must have given yourself this power of belief. The power to pretend that something can happen in this dream, in this game, that actually affects Me. And since it was so farfetched an idea, so farfetched an idea that something in this phenomenal realm can affect you in reality, it cannot survive a few moments of open contemplation. Right now, just here, you can see that ‘I am Aware, I am this Awareness itself’. And you find that this Awareness remains untouched through all phenomena. Who does not see this?

It is very simple to see this. And yet the only thing that seemingly blocks us is the phenomenal expectation; that something should happen phenomenally. Therefore, in every Satsang we will say ‘Nothing will happen phenomenally and even if it does, that is not what is important’.

Yet we keep reporting ‘This is what I want, this is what I want, this is what I thought, this is what I feel’. Just pretending, just presuming this presence of this ‘I’ which is an individual phenomenal ‘I’. If you are not done with this pretence yet then I don't know actually what else I can say. So enough of these reports about ‘Yes, yes, I see what I am… but but but… I still feel… but but but… I still think…’

It is not true, you see? How long must we indulge in these? So the fear can come that ‘If I discover what I am… I am ready for this kind of self- discovery but don't take away this game from me’. So there is ‘I want to discover but please don't take away this game because I am not done with it yet’. Like a child playing in a park saying ‘Ma I will come, I will come soon’. ‘Yes I know, I remember my home is not this, but let me play for some time’.

But this is okay. Even this is not a problem, you see, because it is not that the game loses its joy. It is just another unfounded fear that this game loses its joy. In fact you will find that when you are not distracted so much by these mental energies all the time, you might say that ‘This is the first time that I experience truly the taste of the fruit. This is the first time that I experience truly how beautiful a flower is. This is the first time I looked at my partner without the projection, and he or she is so beautiful’. The joy of this world is not going to be squeezed out of it because of your realization of what you are. That is just another unfounded fear from the mind.

It's like, without this interpreter, without the stories about it, then the world itself will seem like the most mundane appearance. It is not like this. What will change is that you will not resist, you will not mind any appearance. So when grief comes, you find that even grief is so beautiful, so quiet, so sober, so pure in a way.

So let all our stories… let them die. Let all our ideas, let all our specialness, let all our humility, let all our desires, aversions… may all of it be burnt. And may we all taste this moment for what it is. See right now. And now. And now. As every moment is fresh like this, then it leaves no room for these stories which the mind still tries to paint.

‘This is freedom, no? ‘I got it’. This, now. Where this ‘me’ cannot be found. No identity can survive your tasting this moment, this now. This now is always enough. Your Presence is here now. Your Presence is not in the past, it is not in the future, it is just now. Idea is never ‘now’. Concept is never ‘now’. Person is never ‘now’. But You are here only ‘now’. All your doubts, all your stories and concepts are about some imagined past or future. All there is, is ‘now’.

God is here ‘now’. And all that which is in service to God is here ‘now’. Love is here, Peace is here, Joy is here. You are tasting your own Presence. Your own Presence, which is in turn tasting all that is phenomenon. The holy trinity of Creator, Preserver, Destroyer; Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva are playing for your joy. Let's play together here. Enough of this pretend game of seeker and teacher, guru and disciple, free and not free, body and mind. Enough of these stories now.

Aren't you tired already, being just an idea? Aren't you tired of being a concept? Aren't you tiered of picking and choosing from phenomenon? Come here ‘now’. May you taste this entire creation ‘now’. God is waiting for your true seeing of what you are. Do you want Freedom from the ‘me’ or you want the ‘me’ to be free?

If you are still waiting for the ‘me’ to be Free, you will be at it, for 20 year, 30 years we can keep going. 10 lifetimes, 20 lifetimes, 30 lifetimes, millions and millions of lifetimes. But this ‘me’ will never be Free. Because the ‘me’ does not exist.

If you are still waiting for some signs, there is still some hope that there will be some Freedom for ‘me’ then I want to take away this hope from you. So as long as you latch on to this ‘me’ there can be no Freedom.

The ‘I’ remains but there can be no ‘me’.

‘I’ remains but there can be no ‘me’.

There never has been. There never has been, so not even to get rid of it. That is not the pointing. The pointing is not to get rid of the ‘me’, only to see that there is none.

How will you get rid of that which doesn't exist?

JULY 14

YOU MUST ENJOY THIS GIFT OF DEVOTION

[After beautiful devotional singing by Amba]

This love, this devotion, is in service to your Presence. And right there is your own Presence. This devotion is bound to be devoted to your Being. It's very beautiful when it appears, and it is not in any contradiction with our non-separation; not in any contradiction with our Oneness.

It is very beautiful, and can be enjoyed completely; the Presence of this devotion.

Sometimes, the mind can come with some fear about ‘Is this personal?’ But this devotion itself will dissolve all that is personal. Because it is in service to your own Being; to the Master which is your own Heart, to the Father which is your own Heart.

As my Master [Mooji] says ‘It is alright to be attached to one who is not attached’. Because that one will never fuel your attachment, you see? All will burn in that.

So if this beautiful gift of devotion has been presented to you, you must enjoy it.

[Hug with Amba]

JULY 15

WHAT IT MEANS TO CONTEMPLATE/INQUIRE: BASIC POINTERS

Jane had asked earlier about contemplations; what is contemplation? What it means to contemplate something? Because I also often say this: ‘Contemplate. What is Presence? What is belief?’ To contemplate actually means just to sit and ask yourself ‘What is the meaning of belief?’ And then you see how belief actually plays. To contemplate actually is deeper; is not just to think about something. It has a different quality about it when you watch something playing out.

So you say ‘What is belief?’ Then the contemplation becomes ‘What can get belief?’ And then the answer comes ‘It is only a thought which can get a belief’.

And then the question comes ‘How does the belief go to it? Who gives it belief?’ And then you check; and you see it is not person. Because ‘person’ itself is just a concept believed in.

Therefore ‘What is prior to person?’ Being is here; you say ‘In the Presence of Being, I can give belief to an idea’. And then you see: when Being is not present there is nothing that can be given belief to. The power of belief itself is not there.

Like this, any topic you can contemplate and listen to the response which is coming from your heart, which is coming from your intuition. And for some time it can feel like ‘Oh, the mind is trying to answer’. But it's okay, let the mind also answer. If the mind gives an answer, you use that also and say ‘Who sees that it is like this?’

So this power of contemplation you have, it is very beautiful. You can take any topic, and just see how it reveals itself, how it unravels. It's not an effortful, mind-y state. You are not sitting and saying ‘I must work it work it out’. No, it's just ‘What is this? What is attention?’ And you find that awareness is unlimited.

And ‘In the phenomenal world there is this power called attention which is bringing things to my notice and I don't have too much of this; and because I cannot bring too many things to my attention simultaneously. It becomes confusing therefore it must be limited’. And you can see that when something appears, first attention must go to it, otherwise it doesn't seem to exist for us phenomenally. And then the mind comes with some concepts about it and these becomes our beliefs.

So this is the quiet unfolding of the Truth. And if you are contemplative in temperament, if you are contemplative like this, a lot of these insights will simply unfold for you; without any rush, without any feeling of being right or wrong. It is just observing, what is seen as opposed to believing to what the thought is saying.

You are observing for yourself what you see. That would be the difference between a contemplation and thinking about a topic. Contemplation is when you check for yourself: How is it? Is it true what is said in satsang? Can I check for myself? That becomes the contemplation. If you just make some concepts about it, then we have just thought about satsangs.

So is this question that you had about contemplation, or was is it something else?

“Thank you.”

You want to do the inquiry together?

So now, in front of you, there is the world. There are these objects which are there in front of you. You witness them, Isn't it? They don't witness you, you witness them, yes? So everything which is external is an object which is witnessed by you, you are the witness of them.

Anytime, if something doesn't resonate or something is not very felt true, you can just stop and say ‘No, no; this is not clear yet’ and so we can repeat. In this entire process you can stop me and you can say that ‘This is not completely clear’.

So for the external world, simply: I am the witness of it. It doesn't witness me. I am aware of it. It is not aware of me.

Now if we close our eyes, then you will also find that you have what I call internal objects. Those are thoughts, imagination, memories; all of this. What we call the mind, is just a bundle of internal objects. And just like an external object:

I am aware of these. They are not aware of me. I see them. They do not see me.

Whatever might come from mind: I am the witness of it. I am aware of it.

Also then we can look at the emotions. Any feeling can come. Let's say it is another type of object; any feeling, anger, greed, any emotions can come: I am aware of it. It is not aware of me.

Then even the sense that ‘I Am’ that ‘I exist’. This feeling that ‘I Am. I exist. I am here’.

Even this is felt by you. You are aware of this. You are aware of Being.

So like this impersonal watching even of Presence: Who can see that this sense of Presence is here? Being is here. You are aware of it. All of these objects or appearances are in front of you, but you remain untouched through whatever might be happening with them.

Who are you that is aware all of this?

You are aware of the world including the body.

The world is not aware of you.

You are aware of the mind.

The mind is not aware of you.

You are aware of feelings.

Feelings are not aware of you.

You are aware of your own Presence, that you exist.

Even this Presence is not aware of you.

Who are you that is beyond all of this?

“There is an answer here.”

And the answer, whatever the answer might have been, would be another thought, Isn't it? So you would be aware of that thought. That thought wouldn’t be able to define you; because you are aware of the thought, and thought is not aware of you.

Now, can you find some distance between yourself and this Awareness itself?

This Awareness which is aware of everything, is it separate from you?

“I am not sure.”

This we must check. So also I will tell you that it is not. I will also give you the answer. This is the easy exam and I give you the answer; that it is not [separate from you].

But you must try to prove me wrong now. You must say that ‘I am also this. I can step out of my awareness. There is some distance between me and awareness’. Can you check? Keep checking and you tell me what you see.

This is the most auspicious thing that can be done in this life is just this check.

Are you somewhere where awareness is not?

Is awareness somewhere where you are not?

All these questions you can contemplate. And in this beautiful contemplation, great clarity about yourself will emerge.

Also what you will notice is that in none of the levels was there a ‘Jane’. There was no person which was observed. It was external world, this body; it was thoughts, it was emotions; it was Presence of Being. There was no person called Jane here. In all of this, there was no person called Jane. Even this seeing itself is the most beautiful.

So you will find… ‘I looked through all the layers of this seeming-existence and I find that there is no person here; just a collection of objects, external objects and internal objects. Thoughts that come and go, emotions that come and go. So where is the person? Everything, all of these objects, are coming and going. But the witness, the witnessing of all of this, is that also coming and going?’

“There is a contemplation you gave someone, about if Being is in body? Because you said that Being is… part of time and space? ... so…”

This is very good point, very good point. And I must clarify this also, that in the phenomenal aspect it can feel like there is a Being inside; the Presence of which is felt inside. So it feels like it is inside this body. But when we actually get a surgeon to cut us up, it will not report that there is something. So although it can be felt as if it is here; but it is felt the same way even when we are in the dream; it can feel like it is inside that body. So then we can see that it is this Being.

So some of you have tried this contemplation, Isn't it? What wakes up first when the waking state comes? You will find in that split second, there is this ‘me’ first, there is sense of Being first, and then there is this world, including the body, which is present.

So it is this world, which is actually including the body, which is inside the Being. Although it is okay for now; you can say ‘Yes, I feel the Presence of Being inside the body’. Conversationally we can speak like that. It's okay. As you come to your true discovery yourself, then all of these insights becomes clearer and clearer. Don't let these side questions distract you now.

You just stay with this contemplation:

Who am I?

Who’s witnessing all of this movement of phenomenal objects?

Is that also coming and going?

Am I also coming and going?

“Thank You”

Om shanti shanti shanti

August 2015

AUGUST 21

THIS IS ALL THAT SATSANG IS ABOUT

I'm feeling today to cover a little bit from the basics; just to start from the seeming-ground level, and then see what moves from there. So what is actually going on here? [Laughs] What is actually going on here when we say ‘satsang’, when we say ‘coming to your own truth’. We say things like this.

What is going on is that it seems that one who comes into satsang comes with the sense that ‘I-as-a-person am here to get some peace and joy which lasts, because I-as-a-person found that I've tried many different things, and I don't seem to get this happiness, peace and joy which lasts. Yes, I've had glimpses of this, they come, and I go through these glimpses and I feel that it will last’.

Through relationships, through money, through healthy body we feel that something will last. But it never does. The world keeps changing; everything around us keeps changing, this body keeps changing, relationships keep changing. You see? So it doesn't last. So the person says ‘I give up on all of this. I give up on all of this stuff. And I want to find some ever-lasting peace. How do I get this?’ And then we must have heard from somewhere or we must have read somewhere or we must have seen a video of something, and it seems like ‘Here, in satsang, in spirituality, I will find some peace’. You can call it peace, you can call it freedom, you can call it liberation. But basically this one comes into satsang looking for some stability. It's tired of the ups and downs of life, typically.

Then what happens? They walk into satsang, completely clear that ‘I am a person who wants this, this and this’ like walking into a shop and saying ‘This is my list of things that I want. Peace (tick), happiness (tick), joy (tick)’. This is the grocery list we want to check off in our list when we come into satsang.

But what happens in satsang, especially in the satsang which is very direct, someone asks you this question: Are you a person in the first place? We’ll come to what your checklist is, but first can we truly discover if you are truly what you say you are. you've come into my shop, saying ‘I am this’. Can I have some evidence of this which you claim that you are?

This question is asked first; straight off. [Laughs] Straight off, this question is asked. For some, this question is too strong. ‘Oh, no, no, no. I'm here for my checklist, and you're asking for my I.D. I'm willing to pay, you see, I'm willing to pay for my checklist. Tell me what it takes’. We say: No, no. First, before we get to what you feel must happen here, let's become clear about this identity which you claim to profess. ‘I am this person that wants something’.

So it is this initial openness to This question, to question our identity, which seems like it's the most time-consuming aspect of satsang. All the effort, all the seeming-effort is to get us to look for this identity and to take the focus away from our shopping list for some time.

Now, if someone after this kind of direct-ness still stays in satsang, then what happens? Then there seems to be phase of dissolution, all these ideas start to get dissolved. As we start looking for the person we start realizing the irrelevance of all the beliefs that we have carried about ourselves. Because all these concepts are just attached to something that does not exist. And every time we check and we don't find ‘Who is the one? Who is the one even who wants peace? Who is the one who wants happiness?’ We don't find this one. Then the force of desires and the force of wanting, force of running of things, all this starts to abate [lessen, reduce, remove], because we cannot find the center of desire, we cannot find the one who has all of these expectations.

So a lot of this dissolution can start. It can look very different; every expression it can look different. Some will laugh through all of it, some will cry, some will sit seriously. But basically, this is what is happening. Every time we check, and look to find the person, we cannot find. And there can be a period where we are just stunned. ‘How could it be that we were in this belief for so long, the belief of being a person, and here when I'm looking, I just cannot identify it. I cannot identify the owner of this body, cannot find the one who has relationships, cannot find anyone who wants security or anything at all’. So then, we come to this seeing more and more that no person exists. There is nobody here to suffer. So this is how it starts, usually.

Then some question might arise through the teacher or through your own intuitive sense: ‘Okay, the person does not exist. I am not that who I always presumed myself to be. Then who am I?’

And it is great auspiciousness if this question arises. ‘I cannot find this identity called the ego, called the person, but I do sense that I exist. I cannot deny my existence. Only I'm confused now about who I am. What is it that I am?’

Then the teacher says: Just look at what is here; unchanging, unmoving. What is here? He says: Don't be interested in that which is coming and going. Because if God is real, if the Self is real, then it cannot come and go. What is it that is ever-present here?

Then we realize that that which is ever-present is my own sense that I exist. I am. Not the thought ‘I exist’. Not the thought ‘I am’. Just this sense that I exist. I am.

Therefore the teacher says: Can you stop being now? Can you stop being?

And it becomes clear that ‘No, of course not; cannot stop being. There is a Presence of ‘I’ here, there is a Presence ‘I am’ here which cannot be switched off’.

And then we can say ‘I am this. This is always here. I am that I am’. This is your own Self-discovery as God, because it is God who said ‘I am that I am’. (But the label is not important).

And this is very beautiful because we find that every single appearance appears only in the Presence of this ‘I Am’. So this ‘I Am’ is revered in all traditions; all traditions. You can call it Om, you can all it Atma, Consciousness, Being, God, Self… many even call it Self. So, we come to this beautiful point of discovery. In most traditions, they stop here. Actually it is enough; to come to this discovery ‘I Am that I Am’. And this is very, very beautiful.

And you see that every single expression arises out of this sense ‘I Am’. Every single expression, even the expression of different forms of God himself are just an expression from this ‘I Am-ness’. From here, as unassociated Being, just this pure ‘I Am’, if there is an urge for Krishna to be here, then Consciousness itself feels to take the form of Krishna and is here, now. Even before now. If it says ‘I want to taste myself as Shiva’ then Shiva is here. Jesus; Jesus is here. Consciousness is completely unlimited.

And so many of you have come to this realization of this sense of Being. But there is something in the mind which under-estimates this, you see? Taste the beauty of this Beingness.

So we can say that we came with just a belief that ‘I am a person’. It started off with just a belief. Then coming to the discovery that ‘I've always been this Presence, this Presence of God’. It is the discovery that ‘I have always been This’. Not that ‘I now become This; after satsang I have become something. I have Always been This’.

For some of you, just naturally, an even deeper question might arise: ‘I am aware of even this Presence. Even this Presence of ‘I Am’, I am aware of. There is awareness of this Being’.

And it's completely clear that there is awareness of this Being; just as it is clear that there is awareness of phenomenal entities, objects. Therefore we can say that it is the same.

To say that ‘I am aware of the Presence’ is the same as saying:

‘I know that I'm aware of the Presence’ which is the same as saying:

‘I am aware that Awareness is here’.

Otherwise we would not say ‘I know I am aware of the Presence’. You know that there is awareness of Presence means that there is awareness even of Presence.

Therefore, whatever the content might be; it might be this Presence or it might be some other … it might be a thought, it might be a sensation, it might be a physical external object; but you are clear that there is awareness of this.

Therefore, you are already aware that there is Awareness here.

To be able to say that ‘I am aware’ means that you know it, directly.

For You, this is the simplest thing. But for the mind, it is the impossible thing, because there is no phenomena which is experienced. In this way, the awareness of Awareness actually is the only non-phenomenal experience. The only other thing which comes close to this is the experiencing of time. We do not ‘taste’ it phenomenally yet you are aware of the movement of time; in that way at least you can experience it. But for Awareness being aware of Itself, even the movement cannot be … It's just simply here.

So, we’re not doubting the existence of Awareness. But what we’re always doubting is ‘I'm not sure whether I got it’ and yet in that same instance we say ‘Yes, there is awareness of object, there is awareness of something’. That means it is clear that it is awareness of … it is not ‘Beingness’ of an object.

You're not saying ‘I'm Being an object’.

You're saying ‘I'm Aware of an object’.

To be able to say this itself means that it is Seen.

It is seen that: I am aware that I am aware. I know that I am aware.

And when checked:

I cannot find any space between myself and this Awareness.

No distance between myself and this Awareness.

I find nowhere where Awareness is not.

Therefore I see that whenever I check this, I must be there to check;

for I am everywhere that Awareness is.

I find no separation, no distance between myself and this Awareness.

When we check, is there anywhere that Awareness is not? So we can say that:

To say that ‘I am here’ means that there is an awareness that I am here.

So we cannot now find any difference between saying ‘I’ and ‘Awareness’.

Some sense of difference between myself and Awareness itself, we cannot find.

Even if there were an idea that there were something prior to Awareness,

then Awareness must be there to be aware of it.

So, we see that this is my truest nature, my absolute nature;

this Awareness which is aware even of the Presence of Being.

The mind, if it's got some energy left, it will pull all the stops. And it will be things like ‘I don't get it still… But so what? … Nothing really happened… How does this help you?’ All this kind of resistance can come. And you see that all of this is seen. You are aware of this. ‘It is just coming and going, and I am still here. Whatever the appearance might be, it is coming and going. And I'm just aware of it. It doesn't really touch me. Nothing happens to me no matter what the appearance is. This Awareness remains untouched, unmoving, through time and space. The play of time and space happen inside me actually’.

So we started off with just a belief; and very circumstantial evidence that ‘I am a person’.

Then we said ‘I find no person. When I look, I find nothing. No person is here’. And yet I cannot deny my existence, that I am here. I cannot deny this. Therefore, I must be this Presence. I Am.

And then something can say ‘Even this Being, I am aware of it. I'm aware that there is something called Awareness of this Being’. Therefore, when we ask the question: ‘Am I aware now?’ it is simply seen that awareness is here.

And after it is seen that awareness is here, then the mind comes and says ‘Oh, because you're aware of some object, we can come to this conclusion that awareness is here; not before’. But see what actually happens. There is already awareness of these thoughts. That means that you See that there is awareness of these thoughts.

There is awareness that there is awareness of thought.

There is awareness that there is awareness of Being.

And I know that these simplest of words can seem like they're the most confusing, abstract things you've ever heard. For some of you, it can seem like this: ‘It's the most abstract, confusing thing I ever heard. I make no sense of it’. Don't work hard for that. Don't try to put some effort in to try to get this. Let these words unfold in your Heart.

So when you do the inquiry, don't do it with the sense that ‘I MUST get it!’ Because it will always come at the end and say ‘Still you didn't get it’. For the ‘I must get it’ the confirmation must come only from the mind, you see? And the mind has no idea about this; we left it far behind. It is just another projection of Beingness, so we left it far behind.

What gives me the conviction that I am aware of something? Whatever the something might be, how do I know that I am aware of it? And we are sure that we are aware of it. Whatever it is that you might see, you see first that there is a ‘seeing of which’ that is happening. It's the content which is moving; the seeing itself is not moving. And I don't mean the phenomenal seeing which is happening through the eyes, the sensory seeing. I'm talking about this pure perceiving, this sense of being aware; where something which is here unmoving, and the content is constantly changing, be it thoughts, be it sensations, be it appearances, be it even states. We say that ‘I went to sleep, I woke up, I had a dream’. Who is it which is aware of all these states, coming and going?

So, what happened now? The one who came with the checklist of things to buy now realizes ‘I was not that at all. I am not a thing at all. I am just this awareness, which cannot be found in this time and space’. And then the checklist has no meaning left. And since the checklist has no meaning left, then you find that ‘My own true nature is here, unmoved by the presence of any states’. Then you find that ‘All of this love, peace, joy appears in my service. I am not in service to them; they are here for me’.

So, we can say that nothing happened through all of this, because this one was always this Awareness; or we can say that the BEST thing happened! Both are okay. We’re not to be stuck with terminologies. (It's okay; even if you want to be stuck with terminologies, it's okay.) To come to this True Seeing that ‘I Am this Seeing Itself’… to come to this awareness of Awareness Itself … we cannot say anything about it, actually. We cannot even say ‘It's the purest, the most innocent’… nothing. No attribute makes sense here.

This is all that this beautiful auspicious play of satsang is about.

AUGUST 26

GETTING USED TO THE SEEING

When you want me to take something seriously, the best I can do is pretend to take it seriously. Then don't make me laugh when we’re having a serious meeting. [Laughs] Because when we say that ‘I am not here. It is This which is inside me, and I'm not doing this’… every time we check, we see that this is true, you see? ‘All of this is just a play happening in front of Me’.

This is your own Seeing. Your own Seeing is like this.

So although we might look at some of these times as not the best of times when this sort of thing happens, we find that later there is only gratitude for all of this. [Long silence] Satsang has brought all of you to the Presence of God. Clearly, apparently, it has always been the Presence of God. But now this Presence is getting more and more clear. Whether your mind admits it or not, that doesn't matter. But to be in the Presence of satsang is to be in the Presence of your own Being.

In the waking state, I find that there is nothing better than just to taste this Presence; to be immersed in this, to drown in this. This is the Ganga, this is the amrit, this is the Satguru, this is your own Being, which for maybe millions of years of this dream time has not been apparent to you. Maybe for millions of lifetimes, this has not been apparent. And now it is experienced with such clarity, such unmistakable Seeing of the Presence. [Silence]

Just be here now. Be HERE now. Don't go with anything the mind is saying. Just allow it to say whatever it likes; let it come and let it go. All our problems, all our suffering, everything has just been a story. Because every moment, every experience actually has been pure like this. It is only the stories which have been a problem. And we cannot solve it with the mind; anything. Because when the mind hears ‘You have no problem without the story’ it makes a story about you being the one without the story; you wanting to be the one without the story. So it makes a story out of that also. Don't try to solve it with the mind. Just see what is already here. Nothing is missing in the right now. [Silence]

You have toys called ‘Time’ and ‘Space’. You have these toys called time and space. You must check whether you are done playing with them or not. And if you're not done playing with them, that is completely fine. Then at least play. Enjoy the play. [Silence]

Look at this realm with fresh eyes. See where is everything experienced; all seeming others; experienced here [points to heart area]. All these objects, experienced here. We go out to the terrace, the entire view, it's experienced here.

There are no edges to This. You cannot find the boundary to yourself. Everything is here. Without ‘I Am’ nothing is. This Presence is here. There is no limit to anything. Because You are the unlimited One. [Silence]

And because you have believed for so long that you are just this bundle of flesh, blood and bones, this small miniscule not-even-grain of sand, that is why it seems to be taking some time to come to the realization, to settle the realization of your enormity, your endlessness, your timelessness. [Silence]

And you will come to this realization that ‘Everything which is appearing and disappearing is only in service to me’. All that is happening is just… even at the level of Being… it is just for your joy, it is for your entertainment. If you want to look at it simply, you can say that ‘Everything is happening just to make me laugh or cry, to entertain me in some way’. [Silence]

You see, satsang is very simple; sangha is very, very simple. you've given up your belief in thoughts, and Truth will not escape you. It is the getting used to the Seeing: ‘I Am All That Is. I Am All There Is’. This settling in seems to be the process, you see; the seeming-process. But it's not that ‘All There Is’ is settling into ‘All There Is’. It is that all the beliefs about the false are being cleared away. All the pretenses about being just an object in this world are being dropped off.

What now, in the appearance, can you call ‘me’ or ‘mine’? Truly. What in the appearance can you truly say is ‘me’ or ‘mine’? What's the basis for this? If there is no personal ‘I’ in this, and it cannot be found after years of looking, are we going to persist with this belief? [Silence]

So, either you can say that ‘I do not exist phenomenally at all’ or you can say ‘The entire realm of phenomena is within Me’.

This is what you See, right now. This is all that you See. You don't have to ‘come’ to this Seeing. This can be another confusion, that ‘I must come to this’. You are Seeing this already. All that is being experienced phenomenally is being experienced as the ‘I Am’ within this Being, by and as this Being Itself.

Only the mind will separate; make many out of this One. Without the mind, can you make many out of this One? [Silence]

And you can tell me, is it okay if we speak like this? Or does it just seem like ‘This is some fantasy world which is being spoken of that has nothing to do with where we are’. And as always, you can always say something; that ‘This fit; but this one is not resonating is here, because the way I see it is the other way’. Always, always, for anything.

Sometimes, when we just let it flow like this, I know that there is no hope for the mind to get here. So initially it might struggle a little bit; and if it is struggling, then you might say ‘Okay, just drop it. I am not going to understand anything’. This is fine. But if it is struggling and then you say ‘This is frustrating. I can't get it. This is all greek and latin’ then you let me know, and you say ‘This is what I'm not resonating with’.

Because actually this is your own Being which is sharing its own direct experience right now.

AUGUST 27

‘I AM EXPERIENCING ALL THIS’ IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS EXISTENCE

“I just had this doubt. If I am not this person, and I just ‘am’, then what is the purpose of this existence?”

So, this ‘just am’… ‘I am’ is experiencing all of this. This experience of this is the purpose.

Can we put it simply like that? Whatever is happening is the purpose. Whatever is tasted in this realm is the purpose. When we go for a movie, the purpose is to experience the movie. Does the movie touch you? Does it change you? No.

Just to be able to share this moment with yourself, in this seeming-duality of this satsang also, is the purpose. Beautiful, Isn't it, that you could play this role where there is one who is on the chat over there and he asks a question, and there is one who is sitting over here that is answering this; and this is just a play that you're having with Yourself. It's all just One.

Just like a child on a playground…

This is the purpose of this existence.

AUGUST 28

TRULY ASK WHETHER I AM DONE WITH THIS PLAY

There are times in everyone’s life, this experience called life, that everything seems completely hopeless. Everything seems completely hopeless and it looks like we’re closed in, we’re boxed in from all directions. And it seems like the most miserable time that anyone can have. It seems like this, Isn't it, that when you run out of moves you don't know what to do; no one is accepting you, all these kind of things are happening, whatever they might be related to; usually around relationships, but also around other topics.

And it must be seen that when I run out of moves like this, outside, also I run out of moves inside. Because first what do we try and do? ‘How can I figure out the right solution? How do I figure this out?’ Because first we try to rationalize it. First we try to say ‘Okay, if I do this, can I fix it?’ Doesn't work. ‘If I do this, can I fix it?’ Doesn't work. Then we try to rationalize it to ourselves. We also try to rationalize it to ourselves and say something to make us feel better. But we see that no thought is helping; no idea, no concept is helping. And it can seem like this is a terrible place to be. No action is helping, no thought is helping. All of my emotions and sensations, all of them seem negative. Then what are we left with? No action, no thought, no emotion; nothing is helping. So, what is left?

That is why actually, although to the mind all of this sounded very terrible, it is the most auspicious thing to happen. Because we left our reliance on action, we left our reliance on thoughts, and we left our reliance on emotion, on how we are feeling. This leads to the opening of a door which is opening inside; to this discovery of finding out what is here prior to emotion, what is here prior to thought, what is here prior to outside action.

Usually in the world it is seen that unless these kind of strong situations come, we’re not truly open to looking. Usually. In some cases it happens on its own or the urge to Self-discovery is present without any of these events, but usually in most cases it is found that we need this, to be boxed in and to run out of moves, like my Master says.

Nothing; no practice also is helping. No mantra is helping, no practice is helping; nothing is changing. Emotions are still negative, thoughts are attacking indifferences, and outward actions seem like more and more conflict is coming. Then what is left? This is the wonderful opportunity to discover That which is beyond all of this appearance. All of these appearances will come and go. That which remains; this is the opportunity to discover That.

It's very beautiful, because now we are not going to be satisfied just by some answer, some concept. Because we’re saying ‘I'm done with it all! … all the spirituality. I've studied books, I've read the great Masters and Sages. Yet I am here. I've done all the japa, all the pradakshina, kriya… everything which is prescribed. And yet, I am here’.

It's a beautiful opening. It's a beautiful opening. I know it's not easy to accept when we are going through this. But you will discover that you are getting gifts greater than any other gift; you're gifting yourself back to yourself. you're losing all interest in that which is mental, that which is external.

This is the beautiful dispassion of Ram. If some of you have read the Yoga Vasistha, initially Ram is completely despondent; completely despondent although he has everything. He’s a prince, but he’s so despondent. And if you read only that chapter in the Yoga Vasistha you could end up being completely depressed [Laughs] because the futility of this world seems so clear when the young prince says ‘What is in all of this; all these jewels and this palace and all these pleasures? When I was a baby, I cried. As a teenager, I'm driven by all these needs and desires. I am older, then I want more and more conquest. When I get older, I'm worried about this body is going. What is the point of all of this?’

What happened in this dispassion; because he was not interested? His father said ‘The whole kingdom is here for you. All of your people, they're waiting for you expectantly. You will be a great king’. And he says ‘I'm just not interested. None of this interests me. I don't find anything which is lasting. I don't find anything which is meaningful. Tell me, Father, what is it? What is all of this about?’

Although it sounds like the story of a prince many, many long years ago, Isn't it our story? We go through these phases and phases of life, being somebody, wanting something. And what happened? Did we find that lasting peace? Did we find that joy? Did we find meaning in anything in the world?

So then the question to be asked is: When this strong feeling of dispassion comes, almost to the level of despondency, then is it good news or bad news? Because what happened after that? After that what happened is the great Sage Vasistha comes, and he just shares the Truth. He shares the Truth. And what happened? Did the entire counsel, the set of ministers and the king and everyone who listening to what Vasistha had to say, did they all discover the Truth for themselves? No, it was just Ram who was made ripe enough through all of this seeming-suffering.

It's almost once a week actually; someone will come and they say that ‘I'm just stuck! I don't know what to do, where to go, what is going to happen’. Sometimes I will say that even this is Grace. And sometimes it feels inappropriate to say that because the situation can seem so strong on the outside. But inwardly I still know, this is Grace. And it's a beautiful time; it's a beautiful time to be stuck in this way. Because we want to now not pretend about anything. No thought is attractive to us, even emotions we don't care about because we've seen that they come and go. So already, most of the work of satsang is done, if you're here already. So not even words, not even pointing is required. Just to be in the Presence of satsang will open out.

The only caution is not to go with any fantasy, any visualization, any ideas, you see? Only just report from whatever is clearly perceived. Make no visuals about anything at all. ‘If God is here, then he must come and get me now, because I'm done!’ You see? Like this it becomes.

So we made this call to God: ‘If you're here, just come, now. I'm done with all my strategy, plans, ideas about life, all my identities; all have gone to dust. I'm empty now of all of this’. And then the Master appears and he says ‘Yes, God is here. Find out what is here’. [Silence]

‘Does that which is here have some desire, some aversions, have some ideas about life?’

That comes later. And we’re not to give importance to the trickster which comes and says all kinds of things. Be clear that it is a trickster! Be completely clear that the mind is only a trickster. Even the great Sage Kabir in India said that ‘This mind is a tug’. (If we translate it from Hindi it means ‘a con’.) It's a con artist. So now, as you're discovering what is here already, don't go with any mental commentary about what is trying to interpret your discovery; which is trying to comment on what is being discovered or not. Just stay with ‘What Is’. Let everything else come and go. Stay with what is not coming and going. Then you will see that even the instruction ‘Stay with’ is not required, because you are That already.

This body will come and go. One of my teachers said ‘We live as if we will never die; and we die as if we never lived’. See? So, know that this body will come and go. All our thoughts, attachments, identities… everything will be dust. All these emotions and sensations… nothing; they mean nothing. Don't spend another minute giving meaning and belief to all this which is completely meaningless. The Master says ‘When we chase the world, then the world runs from us. And when we stop, then the world wants to come and kiss us’.

Truly ask, truly ask whether I am done with this play. [Silence]

And be completely honest with yourself at least about the answer. [Silence]

Because many times externally we can keep saying ‘Yes, yes. I'm done, I'm done’. But internally we’re still hoping for something to happen here which will be meaningful; to have a story which will have a nice turn or a nice ending. And if something still wants to play, then nothing can stop it. But at least then you will be clear that it is just a play. Therefore this contemplation is very important.

I can only share from what has been seen here; and what has been seen here is that nothing that is changing, nothing that is coming and going, nothing that has states has meaning for me now. Of course, this realm still has complete potential for joy and grief. But even these are just appearances; part of the play. And I remain untouched from all of this. I'm speaking as your voice now, your own inner voice. Because even through these seeming-strong upheavals, you will not deny that there is a silent witnessing which is quietly just aware of all that is happening in front of it. So when I say ‘It's so much… all this is happening to me’… there is still the witnessing of it, Isn't it, to which all of this is happening; no matter what the happening is, how strong it might seem.

We find this witnessing, and then it is natural for us to ask: Am I this content?

Am I just this happening which is happening?

Or am I the witnessing of all of it?

And don't let your mind come in and be smart, because then it will start applying Advaita very quickly and saying ‘But I'm both’. Just look:

Am I that which is changing, which is appearing and disappearing?

Or am I that which is the unconcerned witnessing of this entire play? [Silence]

Then you find that I am just this witnessing, untouched by any of this play.

And then we can say that even this play is arising within Me, as Me.

Therefore, I used to say that: First, just be the witness. Just remain as the witness; the witness of thoughts, witness of sensations, witness of the world, witness of the body. Just remain as the witness.

Then after some time, I will ask you: Is there even an entity called the witness?

Aren't you just this Witnessing itself?

If there were some attributes to this entity, wouldn’t those also be witnessed?

And are you ever just the content of what is witnessed?

Are you not primarily the Witnessing itself, this Awareness itself? [Silence]

Aren't you this space which is prior to phenomenal space?

Are you touched by time?

Because if you're not touched by space and time, how can events in space and time really touch you?

How can that which is born inside This, space and time, touch You, if space and time itself are born inside You? [Silence]

See if this is your experience or not already. Don't let these just be words. See that all that is arising is just a dance in front of You. [Silence]

Who is this ‘I’? [Silence]

Can we not now leave everything that happens in space and time to the Creator of space and time? [Silence] Should it not really be His problem? [Silence] Can a mere object in space and time do anything to change this realm of time and space? [Silence]

Therefore, now, get this burden off your shoulders, that you can move even a blade of grass here. Rid yourself of this arrogance that any power you have. [Silence]

I cry with you and I laugh with you.

But it is never forgotten that this is just God’s leela.

September 2015

SEPTEMBER 9

ISN'T AWARENESS JUST HERE?

Before any word can be said, before the pointing: You Are. [Silence]

you're already very familiar with yourself. More than intimate, more than close. It's only that our definition about ourselves has been misplaced. It's only a definition problem. You can call it definition, you can call it identity; but basically it's just an idea, the idea of separation, the idea of separateness.

So even before I say ‘Don't refer to the mind’ there is a You, there is an ‘I’ that can refer to the mind. Who is this one?

You are here. You are present. And this is all there is.

And when it is said ‘this is all there is’, notice that there is content that is appearing and disappearing, but also there is an ‘I’ which remains, in spite of the appearance and disappearance of content.

Only because the habit has been to try and find everything in the realm of content, That's why it seems so troublesome that ‘I cannot find myself’. What else is here besides the content? Who is the content appearing to? It is that obvious; that obvious.

It takes no effort to see that all of this is appearing to Me. Who is this Me?

Is it not just this Witnessing which has always been here?

Is there anything besides this content, and awareness of it?

Don't go on any mental adventures right now. Because very quickly the mind will try to become smart and say ‘Yes, but even appearance is part of awareness, Isn't it?’ Forget all that for some time.

Just stay with this. There is the awareness of everything that is appearing and disappearing.

Now, is this awareness having to work at being Awareness, or is it just present naturally, before, during, in all content? Isn't awareness just here? [Silence]

Now the mind will say ‘My only difficulty is that I don't see myself as this Awareness’. But this is not true. I cannot step away from this Awareness; I cannot separate myself from This.

You are completely aware of this right now. Even when the mind is screaming ‘No, no, no’ you are aware of it. And you know that ‘I am aware of it. I know I am aware. I know there is no separation between ‘I’ and Awareness’.

Who can understand this? Nobody.

Who can see this right now? Everyone.

There is all of this content which originates and is experienced by my own Being. I am aware of all of this, including the Presence of my own Being. Therefore we can say it is one world of appearance which is appearing.

There is only Awareness and the appearance of this appearance.

Can I be that which is just appearing and disappearing?

Or am I That in which this appearance is appearing?

No straining is required. I see that so many of you are needlessly trying to make some mental effort.

It is simple. All that is appearing is appearing to Me, to this ‘I’.

You know this already.

You see this now.

This Awareness is not interested, it is not disinterested, it has no states, it is not changing, it has no taste, it has no color, and therefore completely out of the reach of our mind.

It is That Which Sees the appearance of the mind; that which sees that mind is here and that which sees that no mind is here; both.

[Silence]

What is the struggle about? It is only that we have a mental concept of how it should be. But in a fight between ‘how it should be’ and ‘how it is’… it is always ‘how it is’ that wins. Give up this fight.

Leave all ‘should, should not, seems, feels, thinks’… leave all of this aside.

What remains here effortlessly?

[Silence]

May this inquiry be joyful for you.

May it be natural, may it be a play.

SEPTEMBER 18

DON'T BELIEVE YOUR NEXT THOUGHT

There's a feeling here to get everyone used to not believing their next thought. [Laughter] Because I feel somewhere we are thinking too much about this. Now I have you captive. [Laughter] And soon the numbers might start to dwindle but that's okay. But as long as I have this captive audience then together we can see what it really means; and whether freedom is not experienced as we keep not believing the next thought. So my feeling is at least for the next few days, (and maybe forever, I don't know), we start like this where we sit in silence for some time and we're just not believing the next thought.

Don't make another version of this thing. Because very quickly it will happen that you say 'Yes, yes, yes; first few minutes is silence. But my preference for the silence is I want to chant my mantra, I want to do something else’. You see just see how simple this is? Once you get used to the simplicity of this, then it will become your natural state. The sahaja state of allowing everything to come and go. The natural non-resistance without the reliance on any tool. Because ‘Don't believe your next thought’ is actually not a practice at all. It can seem like that initially, but it's not a practice at all. It is just a pointer to our natural state of not believing this separate mind; this voice of separation.

So just like this we allow everything to come.

Allow all thoughts, all interpretations also to come.

Come to this effortless state.

Allow the next thought to appear.

Observe how it is in giving it our belief.

Making it an identity; this is effort.

Letting it go is not effort. It's the effortless.

[Silence]

Just for now, we are just letting all thoughts come and go.

[Silence]

Notice how it is not the sensation or the emotion which is the problem.

Without labelling the sensation as fear, the sensation in itself is just an energy.

It is nothing.

[Silence]

Notice how without believing these thoughts, you remain unconcerned and untroubled.

See for yourself how natural this is.

[Silence]

Use today as an opportunity to see that somewhere we are attached to our problems; we are attached to our stories, because we have believed that it is these stories which give meaning to our life. In reality these stories are completely meaningless. And true meaning emerges as we let them go.

[Silence]

For some of you it's feeling like the mind is attacking. Don't defend anything at all. Let it jump around alone in the battlefield. And some of you are feeling this is very serious. It is not serious business at all. Some of you are fast asleep; we can't do anything about that [Laughter]. This is also good.

We are now watching the movie without the subtitles. Too much attention has gone into the subtitles; the narration of the movie. Because we have been fearful that we will not understand life. Now we are moving away from understanding life or controlling life to being life.

Taste this moment without labelling anything as sweet or bitter.

You are here. I am here. As One.

[Silence]

Our only problem right now is that we have no problems.

The sense of boredom, the sense of being bored can be felt. Allow it to burn. If you allow it to burn, then great love will reveal itself. But if there is a sense that 'I must fix it, I must not be bored' then this can become that which would be the gateway to love, or could become a big gateway to misery. This seemingly innocent sense of boredom is the cause of a lot of identification. It's the fertile ground for identification, addiction, all kinds of tendencies. Therefore in satsang, when it comes, you let it be. And as it burns, great love will reveal itself.

[Silence]

May the light of your Presence bring all Beings to Truth.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

SEPTEMBER 24

LOOKING VERY DIRECTLY INTO THIS ‘I’

So, more and more we've just been looking very directly into this ‘I’. This ‘I’. What is at the core of this ‘I’? And if all the satsang you have heard has brought you to this point where you're open to just looking at this ‘I’ without getting shaken up with all the resistance which comes naturally when this looking first starts.

Who am I?

And some of you will feel frustrated or angry with yourselves if it is still ‘I don't know who I am’. But this ‘I don't know’ is music to my ears. Because as I often say, it is the moving from the ‘I know I am a person’ to coming to this ‘I don't know’ which seems to be the more troublesome aspect of this seeming journey. Because already when you're saying ‘I don't know’ what are you saying? you're saying that you know that ‘I can't just be this idea; I can't just be an idea’. So already the person is losing; person idea is lost.

Don't be scared of the ‘I don't know’. And don't replace this ‘I don't know’ with another concept. Stay with this pure ‘not knowing’ and don't be in a rush to call yourself ‘Awareness’ or ‘Presence’ or anything. Wait for the seeing to unfold. Stay in the not knowing. Watch the struggle for words, as it comes initially. And find that ‘Can I really say Awareness? Can I really say Consciousness? Can I say Presence?’ And you will find that, at best, you can use them as pointers. So in strong satsang, very quickly, if you're open, you can come to this space of not knowing who I am.

Many saints and sages have just remained here; just at the ‘I don't know’. there's a great sage called [inaudible] who just said ‘I don't know who I am. I'm not this, not this, not this’. Just in the simple ‘not knowing’ all personal identity gets resolved.

And some of us will find this ‘I don't know’ very uncomfortable; and to try to put an end to this discomfort, quickly want to replace it with another concept and say “I am God’ or ‘I am Awareness’. If it remains just this concept, it's not helpful. In fact it is more of a heavy egoic burden to carry. All spiritual knowledge is a big burden. Can you see it? Because what happens? When something happens in life that seems strong, we say ‘But I should be beyond this by now. I know the truth. I am God’. Or if some anger comes, then ‘How can I still be angry; that means I'm not free’. So much guilt, so much burden through the spiritual ego; it has to go. The ‘I don't know’ is not simple, although it will feel a little uncomfortable.

Throw away all your concepts about the truth; all our spiritual frameworks and diagrams and our comparative notes. The more you carry them, the more stale they become. Not a single concept is needed to see the truth.

Who am I?

[Silence]

What is the direct experience?

Some of us say that ‘I'm tired of spirituality; so tired of spirituality’. And I say ‘you're not tired enough’. Become completely tired of this conceptual spirituality, and just stay with what is here now.

No mental knowing is needed. No IQ, no intellect, is needed here. The only requirement is some openness. But this openness you cannot create. So there's no point beating yourself saying ‘I'm not open enough, I'm not open enough’. Every time you say ‘I'm not open enough’ you're closing more. Throw away all of this ‘I'm not worthy, I'm not open, I'm not free, I am free. I know something, I don't know something. I've reached till this point. I get stuck over here. I know everything that there is to be known’. All of these are just ideas.

You are not bound.

You never were.

[Silence]

Not a single idea of freedom you must hold on to.

[Silence]

Not a single idea about anything.

[Silence]

Satsang, devotion, inquiry; they're all just loosening the ideas that you are holding onto.

SEPTEMBER 25

I AM THAT WHICH YOU ALREADY ARE

Life is without any mental meaning.

Life does not need any mental interpretation.

Life does not need any mental understanding.

And I am that primal Seeing which sees life,

that primal Seeing which is untouched even by life.

What can happen in this life that can have meaning for Me?

I am that in which life takes life.

What is here that can be a companion to the eternal ‘I’?

How can I get attached to that which is just no longer than a blink?

I am that in which time is born. What can time give to Me?

I am that in which space is born. I need no space.

I am that which gives life to life.

I am that which death cannot kill.

All of these are My toys, Life and death; time and space.

And I am here now.

No name you can give to me.

Yet I am that from which all names and forms come.

Neither awake nor asleep. Not free or bound.

I am not part of this universe.

And yet, this universe is not apart from me.

You can never find Me in an appearance.

I do not appear nor disappear.

You cannot find Me with knowledge, because I cannot be known.

No practice or effort can bring us closer.

Because there is no distance between us.

You cannot find Me with anything that you do.

Because I am That which you already Are. [Deep silence]

SEPTEMBER 28

FREE FROM THE CONCEPT OF FREEDOM

I get many messages actually which ask: ‘Ananta, can you tell me when I will be free?’ [Laughs] Mostly from those who have not been in satsang; the first time they come across a video or something like this. And what to tell them?

When will we be free from the concept of freedom? Seems like this has now become the favorite concept for many of us. We say: ‘Money we don't want, nothing else; relationship I don't want, I don't care about the body. But freedom, I want’.

And in the same way that we realize that the other concepts hold no meaning in truth, in reality, the same way we will realize that the concept of freedom is meaningless for the truth. Because we would all be in big trouble if the truth could become bound. Who can bind God? Who has put God in prison? And if something can put God in prison, then we must pray to that one [Laughs] because that must be the all-powerful.

And then the question can come: ‘But you're talking about God and I'm talking about me’. This is the root of separation. There is no such thing as ‘God and me’. This separation never happened. But then what happens? You say: ‘This is what I think. I think it happened in my case’ or ‘This is what I feel. It still feels like I am separate. I am not God’.

And I say as long as we will rely on this indirect evidence, on thinking and feeling, then we cannot see the truth. How can the voice which is the idea of separation itself… how can that voice speak about oneness?

Therefore to expect that the mind will confirm my freedom is a very big trap. Because even when it does, it is only to set this trap so that tomorrow it can say ‘But you were free yesterday; not today’.

Just look and see how many of us are still waiting for this mental confirmation. I sit here every day; every day I sit and say: ‘You are free right now. You are free right now’.

The mind says ‘No, no, not yet, something has to happen’. Even it says ‘I have to become like him, then I will call myself free’.

I am saying there is no difference, there is no distance, there is no separation. And there is no need to call yourself ‘free’ in the first place.

Just this Now Here is what it is.

The mind says that it is the one which has the story which is here now. But I don't see that now. If you want freedom for a non-existent entity, no power in the world can give it to you. And if you want the truth to be bound, no power in the world can do it.

Therefore Bhagavan’s [Ramana Maharshi’s] question ‘Who am I?’ cuts through all of this. And directly, right now, we find: ‘I am here’.

And it's okay to say: ‘I don't know as what’. But that I exist now, this cannot be denied. This ‘I’ which exists in spite of the movement of time, in spite of every cell in this body changing many times over; not a single atom of this body is the same as it was when the body was born.

But what has stayed?

What has remained constant?

You already know that this is your body.

Who is this one that is the owner of this body?

Even keep it simple like this; and leave the insight that ‘The entire universe is your body’… leave it for later. Keep it for now very simple.

They say ‘In my body now every cell has changed’ so who is the ‘I’ who has remained?

It's like a ship is docked in the shipyard, and one by one every part has been changed. Every part has been changed; one by one this change happened. Is it the old ship? Or is it new? Or both?

Who hears the sounds of the world?

Who experiences the sensations of this body?

Who perceives thoughts?

What wakes up when I wake up? What goes to sleep?

Every day this happens. Something that wakes up and something that goes to sleep; our living experience. Is it not worthy of our investigation? I was asleep and now I'm awake.

What changed?

Every single experience belongs to who?

Stop believing the interpretations. In this moment, you are free; independent of what thoughts might be coming, what sensations might be experienced; independent of our financial situation, our work situation, our relationship situation.

Right now, You just Are.

You are present.

This is the only Presence.

All our resistance only means we refuse to look at What Is.

The seeming-journey has only been this refusal.

The belief that the voice of separation is meaningful, useful, indispensable; this belief makes this entire Self-discovery seem like a journey, because it is this belief which is dissolving. And it can completely dissolve if you let it.

Maybe somewhere we are afraid to look stupid: ‘This voice that I believed for so long, if I say today that it's completely meaningless, then how silly must I have been to have been deluded by this voice for so long?’ This fear of being wrong is a deep-rooted fear. But we have been wrong to trust this voice as ‘Me’.

The Self does not need a voice to talk to Itself; God does not need a voice to communicate with Himself. To give meaning to this voice has only been to play this game. Stop defending your mind. Don't be so quick to come to its defense.

Shine your light on your own attachment to the person, to yourself as a person. Shine your light on your attachment to your story. Shine your light on your habit to run to the past, on your habit to expect a future instead of experiencing your Presence, which is right now. Shine your light on your habit. Claim victory. And [shine your light on] the habit that says ‘I failed again’.

May you give no meaning to all these ideas now.

May your house only be for God.

May there be no room for ‘the imagined one’.

May you enjoy your living Presence, and move away from this imagined ‘nothing’.

May the SatGuru's grace make you story-less.

May it make your past nothing, and your future nothing,

So that you may now discover that which has always been.

May you always see with your true eyes,

Not through the window of identity.

May you now be beyond all imagined darkness.

May you be the Light of the universe.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Now the story might call to you again, but you leave it be.

SEPTEMBER 29

ARE YOU DONE PLAYING WITH YOUR MIND?

We were watching [Mooji satsang online live from Zmar retreat] a little while earlier, and we were looking at one of the questioners, and Guruji was pushing her towards this inquiry and discovery. This question arose here: ‘Why is she just refusing to look?’ It came like this. ‘Why is she just refusing to look?’

Then something came to me; it said that ‘If you met now the one who was living through this body 10 years ago, the spiritual seeker with so much knowledge, what would you tell him?’ If I met the past Ananta from 10 years ago, what would I tell him?

First I would say: ‘All this knowledge which you think is helping you, throw it away’. I was very attached to the knowledge, so I don't know whether I would have listened. But I would say this: ‘All this knowledge, all the books you've read; they’ve done their part. Now just keep them aside. Then all your ideas, all the ideas about being the Shiva devote or a Ram devotee; all of this also, keep it aside. All your practices, your japa, your kriya, your japa, your yoga; just keep it aside. All your concepts about everything. All your aspirations, goals, desires; all the ideas about what kind of seeker you are. All your ideas about who is worthy enough to be your teacher, your Master. All the judgments that you are holding onto, just keep them aside. Everything about what enlightenment, liberation, freedom means, also keep it aside. And just look at what is here right now. Who is looking at what is here right now?’

And then I would hold my hand and say: ‘Whatever answer your mind is giving you is not the right one. Whatever fear is coming up for you truly doesn't matter. No label can live up to what you are’.

Then I might have said, the seeker would have said: ‘But I don't feel anything. I'm not feeling anything special’.

It's not in the feeling. And if there was some insight then, truest insight, then the seeker might come back and say: ‘Yes, I see. I am this awareness, this unmoved witnessing. What should I do so that I don't lose this seeing?’

Then the Master would say:

You could not lose it if you tried.

What you are cannot be lost.

That which appears and disappears is not you.

That which is coming and going, you are aware of.

Just leave right now. Can you leave? Are you holding onto something to be here? Even if the body is moving, you see that you are still here; unmoved, untouched. Change the position of the witness and show me. Move awareness by one inch to the left. [Smiles].

What do we need to hold onto? We feel it is in trying to control our attention and keeping it somewhere. Not even that it is. Even the movement of attention is also seen. I am aware that attention is moving.

Then the trouble must only be that your mind doesn't know what to do with this that you are discovering. It can say: ‘So what? Now what?’ Or it can keep saying ‘I haven’t found it. What are you saying?’

Who sees this mind?

Where do you start and where do you end? [Silence]

Are you done playing with your mind? Are you really done playing with your mind? And if you're not done playing, then let's just say ‘I'm not done yet’. Although it might sound as if I'm in a rush or something; but if you're not done playing, I'm in no rush to pull you back home. It's just when you say ‘I'm done playing’ and you still keep playing with your mind, that is when I say ‘Look at what you are doing’.

there's a story in Yoga Vasistha. The simple version of that is basically that there is a Being that picks up a hammer and he hits himself on the head and says ‘I'm in so much pain. I'm suffering so much’. Keep the hammer down. This one, this hammer, keep it down. He says ‘Okay, I'm trying, trying’. [Laughs]

This is all that is happening. We keep picking up that which we are suffering from. Because there is still a temptation to play; still a temptation to give meaning to identity, still a temptation toward special-ness, still this temptation to find something, to become something.

There are some Āyurveda teachers in India, especially in the small [villages?]. You go to them and they just take out the same syringe, whatever the ailment is; the same bottle they open. So we also have one special medicine like this. Whatever you say you're suffering from relies on your belief. WHATEVER… it relies on your belief. One medicine for everything.

So then either we can become like the allopathic doctors and say ‘Okay. What is the special variety of your suffering? Is it relationship? Okay. Now for relationship, you know what you must do, you must become more accepting, you should love each other, you should give each other space. And then, what is your special variety? Oh, money? Money? Okay. Don't be so quick to spend. Ask yourself ‘do you really need that which you are spending on?’ Then someone else can say body. Body. Get in shape, go to the gym, do some yoga’. And we can have many variations of all of these things. For each thing we can have a special medicine; for guilt, fear, we can have some other medicine for all varieties of suffering.

So just like this, if you want be done with this play, right now; not interested in which variety of suffering and what is happening to you and what could happen in the future, then very simply, whatever the mind could be saying, no matter how true it sounds, how humble, how spiritual, how unique, how remarkable… it might be dressed in all of these fancy clothes; just don't give it your belief.

There is no identity without belief. There is no resistance without belief. It is the same as saying there is no ego without belief. And when the pretend-identity is not there, then what remains? When the clouds of this imagination are cleared up, then you see: I am still here. 'I' remains. And this ‘I’ is not suffering. Suffering means resistance.

You know, one of the ways in which this special-ness thing works is that you want your own unique brand of freedom. ‘Guruji [Mooji] says this; Ananta says: Don't believe your next thought; what am I going to say? What is my special technique? Do I just want to be another ‘me, too’ follower?’ Sometimes it can happen like this also. I'm making it simplistic, but this feeling that ‘Yes, yes. I've come to now the final floor of this building, now I just need to get to the terrace. Now at least I can leave my Father’s hand and feel a little independent so I can feel good, that I did it’.

It's a load of rubbish. It is the ‘same guy’ who is acting up and playing a trick on you. And this, by no means, mean that all of us must have the same expression and say the same thing. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that we must observe this tendency to look for something else.

Now we find this medicine that can do ALL of this. Whatever the special variety of ailment I might claim to have cannot survive our disbelief in the next thought. It cannot survive.

And yet we are looking for something, something, somewhere. And so many of these pointers you have come across already. ‘Who am I?’ Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said ‘Who am I?’ It is enough. Just with a little openness to ask ‘Who am I?’ is enough. Guruji [Mooji] says ‘Can the perceiver be perceived?’ He calls it his ‘perrana question’. It is made of all that is false. It is enough just to contemplate this.

I say: Don't believe your next thought and you are free right now. In fact don't believe your next thought and just see that you are free.

And yet, what do we do? We present a thought. That's why I say: ‘Then let's admit that we are playing’. Because we have no excuse to be deluded. Just let's admit that we are playing.

SEPTEMBER 30

EVERYTHING IS INSIDE THIS BEING

I can never actually believe that something is happening to you. Because I can never act believe that something is happening to me. At best I can believe that you believe that something is happening to you. That I can understand, that you still believe that something is happening to ‘me’.

Sometimes, I feel it is strange because you have looked over and over; all of you have looked over and over, and you find that there is no ‘me’. And yet conditioning sometimes seems so strong that even after seeing clearly ‘there is no me’… mostly now when it comes in this combination punch, 1-2 combination punch, which is emotion AND thought together, bam, bam; then it gets you; then you're knocked out. Just the thought, now for most of you is not so strong. Then some sensation comes and the interpretation of that sensation comes, then you say ‘Yes, this is really happening to me’. Still when we check, we find there is no ‘me’.

What does the ‘me’ mean? ‘Me’ means that there's an entity, there is a definite entity with size and shape and color which all of this is happening to. But when we check, do we find this entity?

We find only the infinite.

And if there is some sensation of finite-ness, that is also seen inside the infinite.

This is your true experience right now. Whatever phenomena is experienced, it is experienced in the infinite space of your Being. This you see right now.

But you don't find… many of you don't find anything special in this because it has always been this way.

The infinite cannot run out of space. Nothing is too big for that which is infinite. In fact you see that all appearances are nothing, smaller than grains of sand, to that which You Are.

And this is the nature of the mind. So there's a big wall in front of us, it's painted white, and we make a tiny dot on that wall. And we call someone and say ‘What do you see?’ they will say ‘I see a dot’.

Just like this, when something is appearing it can seem like this is all there is, this dot. We forget to look at the wall. We forget to look at the space in which all of this is coming and going. Is that touched by this? That remains untouched. So this space, this wall, is not phenomena; and yet phenomena can arise within it.

Where is all of this coming and going?

[Silence]

And this space has no complaints. It just Is.

Just be a little vigilant that the mind is not making any visuals out of this. There is an impulse that wants to make a picture out of what is being said. But any visual, any picture takes us away from the direct experience. So don't try to push the picture away because that will only energize it more. Just bring your inquiry back to where this picture is appearing, or who witnesses even this.

[Later in Satsang]

Questioner: “Frustration… like attention keeps going to beliefs…”

It's just a sensation of some fear, some discomfort. We can look together.

So what is happening?

What is the experience right now?

This is experienced where?

These words are tasted where?

Your own words are experienced where?

“The mind throws up a lot of visuals.”

So, those visuals are also experienced by who?

All that is being experienced is experienced where, in which space?

Now this ‘I’ … what are the limits of this ‘I’?

What are the boundaries?

“I don't know what to say.”

Just say what you see.

“In me.”

When you say ‘In me’, does this ‘me’ have a boundary?

“Feels like the body.”

The body is the boundary; yes, very natural for it to feel that way.

This body is experienced as a set of sensations, Isn't it?

And these sensations seem to define some sort of a boundary for the body.

With me so far?

And this boundary exists in what?

Is the boundary outside you?

Or is the boundary inside?

All these sensations of the body, where are they experienced?

This ‘me’ now, is it constricted by the body?

Or even this body is inside me, experienced inside me?

Now, this ‘me’… what are the dimensions of this ‘me’?

At least it's not limited by the body, because you say ‘The body is inside me’.

Now as you keep looking, looking, looking you will find that I cannot define the boundaries of this experiencer.

All sensations might happen.

This Being, which is experiencing all of this, is not constricted by any of this, because everything is inside of it.

What can constrict this?

Don't wait for any mental confirmation.

Just check directly.

Can you run out of space?

“… [inaudible] because there's like… [inaudible] so it's trying to …”

Trying to paint a picture or create some visual. It's okay. Don't resist it. Just see that this is what it's doing. It's enough. So the picture is coming up, and that is also experienced inside you.

All this entirety; all the sounds; everything is experienced here. Outer world, inner world. No different. It's all here. This is what I meant when I said that on this big wall which is white in color; if you put a dot, small black dot, the nature of the mind is to say ‘there is a dot here’ and not to pay attention to the space in which this dot is appearing.

So all sensations, all feelings, all thoughts, all words are appearing and disappearing inside This.

October 2015

OCTOBER 2

THERE IS NOTHING OUTSIDE OF THIS

You know, sometimes it can seem we are going around in circles, because we start the spiritual journey, and we go around a circle and we say ‘I'm still… nothing happened’. Then again, ‘Next time, better, run faster, stronger’. Then again, back to the same point.

Any journey cannot bring you to what you already are. Sometimes it appears that this journey is undertaken, but the discovery at the end always is that ‘I have always been this’.

So this process of going from identified Being to unidentified, unassociated Being can happen; the truth of what we are remains unchanged throughout all of this. I feel That's why it's very powerful to try and leave yourself. Just try and leave. Leave yourself apart, aside. I know it sounds very silly. [Laughs] But That's the whole point, you see? That to leave yourself is not possible. And if to leave yourself is not possible, then how can you find yourself? Therefore the seeming-finding of the self must only be the seeing that ‘I cannot leave it’. It's always here.

“Guruji, I am here. Always here. Where is God?”

This ‘I Am’ is God.

“Why am I not able to feel Her [God’s] Presence?”

You are. Because you say ‘I am here’. That's why I say: ‘Can you stop being?’ Here when we refer to God, we are talking about Consciousness. This Being which cannot be stopped is Consciousness, is Presence, is your own Presence. You cannot say ‘I am here’ without first experiencing God.

“But I don't feel like God. I always feel like there is something missing.”

How does the mind know what God must feel like?

So where is the Being not there?

You say ‘I always feel like there is something missing’. So there are two possibilities here, one is that you are making a mental inference: ‘But this can't be it. It's so simple. This is so regular’. Something like that. Or it could be that some sensation of discomfort or something is coming up and you're taking that to imply that ‘This means that something is missing’.

As you get closer into the examination of your own Being, your own Presence, (which we undermine because it is always here); if we just stay with this, you find that the entire world of experiencing is happening here. Experiencing is not happening there; outside. It's happening here. The outside is happening here. Everything is experienced here in this Being. And then you can say that only this Being exists; phenomenally, only this Being exists.

So I say: ‘God is all there is’. Without Being, there is no world. The body is experienced inside this; in the space of this Being.

And some of you have asked that ‘It seems like this Being is constricted by this body’. But just check again and see where the body sensations are arising. We experience the body only as some sensations, and the mind paints a picture of a boundary based on these sensations. But these sensations are born in the infinite spaciousness of Being.

You see that there is nothing outside of this. We have been trying to find This on the outside, but actually everything is inside this ‘I am’...., this one experiencer of all that can be tasted in this realm..., this one light, the light of which this entire dance appears and disappears.

So don't go with what a thought is saying about this Presence. Don't go with what a feeling is trying to convey. Stay with your direct Seeing, your direct experience. And to see this itself is freedom enough. But one day, you might say that ‘I witness even this Presence’. Then you can say ‘I am That which is even before ‘I am’.

“God might feel like me feeling whole & complete maybe.”

It's not about a feeling. When we let this Being remain unassociated, we will find that all feelings are coming in service to this Being; all the Love, Peace, Joy, Contentment. But not the other way around; if we’re still hoping that some state will come, then that itself is personal, you see? Then Being cannot be unassociated.

So this discovery ultimately must be about the discovery of myself, irrespective of which state is coming. And then you will truly not be concerned by states also.

I know it sounds horrible to the mind; but here, if there is never any joy felt after this, there is no concern about it. So if we lose the interpreter which is interpreting everything, saying ‘This should be like this, this should be like that; this is what I know things should be like’ then it's so much simpler. And to lose the interpreter doesn't mean that it stops; it only means that we stop listening, we stop believing.

So satsang is just a de-addiction center of belief in thought. [Laughs] It's just that.

You might make it something very fancy and like this; but the key point, the only trouble is just the belief in these concepts. And we are habituated, we are addicted to the mind.

So satsang gives you that taste of Presence. And with the taste of this Presence, the mind doesn't seem as tempting as it used to. You find it easier to let it go.

“I am already here. What more can I do?”

Is it Being that is asking this question?

“Because later you said ‘Okay, stop going with the thoughts’. What past that?”

Is ‘What past that?’… not a thought? This is sticky because something wants to come to some sort of conclusion. It wants some end to.., preferably a glorious end to the story: ‘I was a seeker and then I became free’. But would you be okay if this was it? No more story? If this was the end of your biography? Nothing happened?

All believers are completely disappointed. [Laughs] Because we read the story, and such a good seeking was happening; all of that, and then suddenly everything just stopped. Nothing. Are you okay with this? You must see: What wants something to continue, the story to continue, to know what happens next?’ What is missing now except what our ideas of what freedom should be?

OCTOBER 5

WE CANNOT DENY THAT AWARENESS IS HERE

Often all of us say that ‘The problem is that it is too simple’. Why do we say this? Actually what we are speaking about is the simplest thing. Who is aware right now? We cannot deny that awareness is here. Can we deny it?

Without awareness we would not even be able to say that there is nothing; that we’re aware of even nothing. That there is nothing, even that we have to be aware of. Who is aware that there is nothing? Or there is something? And because we have seen that all this change-ful world is constantly changing, we know that this is seen, this is always the case. Therefore we work really hard to delude ourselves. The hard work is not in the true finding; it is to keep the delusion alive.

The only switch, (if at all a switch is needed), is the switch from wanting to mentally understand. ‘I finally figured it out’ is what we want. From that, to just simply seeing right now ‘I am aware’.

Who is this ‘I’?

Does it have size, shape, any form?

And when we say 'seeing', (because we use terms which can be phenomenal), it can be confused and say ‘But I don't see anything. He keeps saying ‘seeing'. I don't see anything’. That's why we keep switching between seeing, knowing, being aware. None of these labels can actually do it justice.

Is somebody else aware? You know what I mean? Is it an indirect report that we are getting about all that we are aware of? Or is it clearly seen that ‘I am aware’ directly?

Who is this ‘I’?

Is it separate from awareness itself?

So instead of saying ‘See that you are this awareness now’ I'm going to start saying the reverse. Can you leave it aside? [Laughs] Just like ‘Can you stop Being?’ Just leave awareness aside. Don't be aware. Separate from it. Separate from it. You be here, let awareness be there. Okay, create just one millimeter distance between you and awareness. Keep it aside just a little distance. [Smiles]

Okay, then you will say ‘But my attention goes here and there’. Okay, let attention go far. Let it go into imagination, let it go into physical phenomena if you like. And then do you have distance between yourself and awareness?

Of course, we don't usually say this to everyone; because if you're new to satsang, it is important to even hear this instruction: ‘Just stay as the awareness’. It's okay, at some point. Because our habit is to just give so much belief to the content of what is appearing that it seems that I am the content. But there comes a point where all of you must be prodded now to check: ‘Is this effort-ful to be awareness? Or is it what you are?’ Not even effortless, no concept of effort. Just what you are.

The funniest thing is that in this upside down realm, [only] a very rare one reports ‘I'm having trouble being (whatever my name is)’. We never say ‘I'm having trouble being (my name)’ which you can never be actually. In satsang we report that ‘I'm having trouble being the awareness or staying as the awareness’ which you can never leave. You can never leave.

Right now, I am aware.

[Silence]

Who is this ‘I’?

[Silence]

And if you were to stay here now, just in this looking at ‘Who is aware?’ and don't pick up any understanding, any concept, any story, any expectation, then [there is] no suffering, no trouble of any sort.

Just watch what happens after this. Because [since] the waking state is there, you will find that appearances continue. There are sounds, there are sensations, feelings. There is also this sense that ‘I am. I exist’. And with all of this also, no resistance or suffering is possible. Attention is already operating, freely operating. All these appearances are perceived. This body is experienced. The functioning of the mind is experienced in the form of thoughts, images, memories. All sensations of pain and pleasure are also experienced.

Who is aware of all of this?

What does awareness look like?

Does it have any color, shape or form?

And if it doesn't have, then how do you know that it exists?

Which eyes can see that which has no shape, no color, no form?

Now, don't let the mind paint some picture of some abstract world.

Don't let your imagination play some tricks on you.

Just right now: Who is aware?

Do I really even need to say now, that it is the Awareness which is aware of itself.

Has any story happened to this Awareness?

Is It looking for something?

Has it lost itself?

And if not, then before we believe any stories of finding something, can we find the one who wants it? Because when I look, I see that just this awareness is here. It is not coming or going. I am not separate from it.

And this Awareness has a son called Consciousness; which is also not separate from it because it is One; but it is more the dynamic aspect. Now the son, Consciousness, is playing in this world of time and space and form. And as the play starts, there are many, many billions of forms which appear. Now, through its own magic, Consciousness starts believing that it is one of these forms. And it pretends to be a person. Because it has the power to pretend. Also it has the power to stop pretending. How it pretends is to go with an imagined idea of itself. How it stops pretending is just to see itself for what it is.

Now you, as Consciousness, have this seeming-choice.

That is why this is God’s play.

How are you going to play next? Are you going to quickly pick up the stories and the ideas again? Or are you going to just check what is here, and see that which is coming and going as an appearance, and that ‘I remain untouched through all of this’. What choice is God going to make now? That is the play.

And either is okay ultimately. It's just in this play some roles get played out. So the role that is getting played out here is just the alarm clock which is saying ‘Don't go with the person, don't go with the ideas, don't go with concepts’.

Every expression in this play is unique. Only God’s will exists. And you are this God. Even if accepting that God is your son is too much, then at least we can come to this point that you are this God.

And God cannot pretend even to being a person without using its power of belief in a thought which is appearing and disappearing. It cannot even pretend to have a problem without using this power of belief.

Even bondage and freedom have no meaning for you. But once you start giving meaning to appearances, then it's a rabbit hole; then you're Alice in Wonderland. [Smiles].

OCTOBER 7

OBSERVE WHERE WE ARE USING THE LABEL ‘I’

Often times I say that ‘If you want to see God pretending to be a person then believe your next thought’. This is the way in which God is pretending to play this game. Just like children playing ‘doctor-doctor’, God is playing the game of ‘person-person’. And God is completely safe in this game. Nothing can go wrong. Nothing can happen to God. But for the person, it can seem like there is some action, there is some adventure, there is some danger, there is some sorrow, there is some joy; there is bondage, there is liberation. So no matter what happens in this life, You remain un-threatened, un-hurt.

You are not even suffering, this is just the pretense. Sometimes it might feel like an attack when I say that, because we value our emotions, we value our thoughts; basically because we value our identity. But you are nothing here; nothing. Nothing is being experienced personally. Nothing is a personal experience. This is not to say that experiences are not arising; it is only to say that there is no personal experiencer. It is the One Being which is the experiencer of all of this.

So if you don't add it to our story, if you don't say ‘Why does this happen to me? When will it stop? Where am I going from here? When will I be free of this?’… all is our habit of storification. And what are we saying? ‘I see that there is no person here. I see no person is here But you know, I'm not sure if this will stay tomorrow or not’. Who is speaking that way, if there is no person here?

Many times what we actually mean is that ‘I personally have discovered that there is no person here’. Because it's habit to give everything personal attributes. Who is concerned about the past? Who is concerned about the future? Who is concerned about this body and the energies that are experienced in this body? Who is concerned about these thoughts? It is only the nobody, the imagined one.

Suchitra said the other day that Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said ‘There never has been an ego’. There never has been an ego. Then when we say that ‘I only see the ego’ what is it that we mean? Is not only another label for nothing? Who can actually see the ego? Who can actually see the person? We can see the body, the body is appearing, but the body is not the ego. We can see the pretense; maybe we can say like that. We can see God pretending to be ‘person’. This we will continue to be able to spot. But truly nobody has ever seen this ego; because it doesn't exist. And it's a beautiful divine mystery as to how that which never existed can seem so real, can seem so tangible. The separate ‘I’.

Can we say that ‘I will never seriously believe myself to be this one that I cannot see’?

Or are we willing to go along with the presumption of this, the presumed ‘I’?

Observe where we are using the label ‘I’.

Are we using it for that which is here now?

Or are we using it for something which is just a figment of our imagination?

Jogan says, “Please talk about: how do you know we will come to true and absolute realization?”

Because this is true. And it is taking a lot of effort to pretend to be the false. And it is seen, in this world, that this effort you will give up on. It is impossible that you will not tire of this false. Nobody can say exactly when it will happen; or even when it will happen in this lifetime or next lifetime or a million lifetimes later. But the false cannot last. And don't get disheartened when I say ‘a million lifetimes later’ because a million lifetimes is nothing for You. For That which is infinite and timeless, is nothing at all.

Aparna says, ‘No more million times.” [Laughs]

Yes. If you're done with the play, then you're done with the play. Then you don't pick up your next thought. Then ‘over’.

Jogan says, “If it won't happen in this lifetime, then all feels like DOOM.”

Just now, you are free. Are you okay with this? Now don't pick up anything else. If you want true and absolute realization, find out right now you are free! Free from all conditioning, past karma, lifetimes, ideas; free, in this moment.

Don't pick up any idea of freedom also now. No thoughts, no concepts about anything; they can come and go. You are free. It does not matter to You. Are you going to make the choice to pretend again now? And if you make the choice to pretend again now, please say ‘I am continuing to pretend because I want to’. Because after all the pointings, all the sharings that have happened here, we truly don't have an excuse now. So either we say ‘In this moment, right now, I Am Free. And I am not concerned about past or future’. When we do decide to pick up something, then we say ‘Yes, I wanted to play with this concept still. I'm not done’.

Nothing is forcing you to pick up belief in a thought which is passing; just like a cloud is passing. And we are saying ‘Oh, there's a secret message in this for me. This cloud; what is it telling me about my life?’ The thoughts are passing like this. It's only that we have believed that they mean something that we have this. And even this excuse we don't have now, because something still pushes our buttons; the certain shape of the cloud still feels relevant to us, we can pull it into our inquiry and say: ‘Who is this? Which identity is touched by this energy form? Is it real, does it exist?’ But you already see that no person exists; so how can there be identity? Is it not the end of suffering if we don't believe our next thought? And if it is not, somebody please tell me how it is not.

OCTOBER 9

AND THAT TOO SHALL PASS

[Some sangha who have been in online satsangs for nearly two years have been showing up in Bangalore today and over the last couple of days (to join Ananta and the Bangalore sangha who show up in person for the Mon-Fri satsangs online). The first few minutes of today’s online satsang was full of welcoming, hugs, and about 20 minutes of totally joyous giggles & laughter].

It's completely possible that a few minutes ago some of us here in this room now might have felt that we still had some problem. [Laughter] And now, where is it?

The truth is that there is no such thing as a problem. There are appearances. And the expectation that some appearance should stop, or some appearance should come, this is pure suffering.

Just What IS … just IS.

Right now so much joy, so much laughter, so much love… but this too shall pass.

This too shall pass.

And then something else can come; some grief can come, anger can come. And that too shall pass. So as long as we are attached to something that is passing then that will be cause for suffering. It's only silly-ness; silly-ness to attach to something which we know is going to go.

This doesn't mean that we don't enjoy while joy is here. Full enjoyment is possible. But to say that ‘It should always be like this’…

And suppose it was always like this? If for 24 hours it should go like this, by tomorrow you would all want to leave. Enough!

That's why I say that ‘God knows the precise recipe every night, and He’s cooking everything properly’.

[Silence]

Did I just rain on our parade?

[Big laughter]

OCTOBER 14-19

SILENT RETREAT WITH ANANTA IN TIRUVANNAMALAI

ALL AUSPICIOUSNESS IS WITH US

Enjoy marinating in this silence. All auspiciousness is with us.

The mind will give you some trivialities. But it is the nature of the mind to try to distract you right now. Because what is being spoken about actually is the simplest thing. I'm just sharing what I see, right here, right now. That's all I'm doing in all satsangs. No imagination, nothing conceptual. Just from whatever is clearly, directly experienced in this moment.

And the good news is that it is exactly the same experience that you are having, already. There is nothing esoteric, metaphysical that we are talking about. Yes, to the mind it is completely radical. I'm not denying that. But it is the mind using imagination, which has had it upside-down all along, convincing the Immortal One that it is this mortal body. Convincing the Infinite that it is some finite Being. And yet, when we look just for a few moments with openness, what do we find?

So use this opportunity to just let go. We’re out of the world, in some way, because in the world there are always expectations of how we must be, how we must behave, what we must say and not say. Now all of that has been taken away.

For some of you, the mind might be trying to create a picture of some gloomy situation because you're in silence. You know, some of you are carrying these glum faces. [Laughs]. But actually it is a beautiful opportunity to just let go; all ideas, all behavior. You can cry if you want, you can laugh if you want; whatever is appearing. There is nothing right or wrong. And as usual, as is the nature of the mind, it is saying that ‘I'm in some sort of prison’. Actually, this is your opportunity to just let go. If the body wants to fall down like this, let it fall. If it's feeling energized, let it be energized.

This is a freeing silence! It is not a bonding silence. It is a freeing silence. We are unconcerned with your own behavior and that of others. If you're dancing around as if you're crazy, That's completely fine. If you're sitting alone in your cave as if you're a monk or a sadhu, That's also completely fine. It's not about either of those. It is about the discovery of what Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] was speaking about, about 100 years ago in this same holy place. And the discovery is available to all of us here.

What is here which is beyond thought?

What is here which is beyond feeling?

We've gotten addicted to reporting from our thoughts; addicted to catering to our feelings. But who is the witness of both of these?

Who is here that knows all of this, and yet it cannot be defined?

Who’s here that knows the arising and disappearing of all phenomena, and yet itself is not phenomena?

Don't go searching out there, because you will not find it there.

What is already here?

Who is looking?

Who is hearing reporting to?

Who am I?

The mind has convinced the entire world that either this question has no meaning, or it is too difficult to find the answer. Both of these are not true. And the answer is available right now, because you already are that.

So, during the next 4 to 5 days that we have together, be vigilant to the mind’s childish tricks, and how it tries to make a person out of you again. As you are discovering your impersonal self, observe how the mind and maybe sometimes even the world of this maya is collaborating to distract you, to push your buttons, to convince you that you are still a person and the person must be real. It's the story of the mind. It's using every opportunity that it gets to convince you of this life.

Who am I? Who am I?

This is Self-inquiry.

Where must I look for ‘I’?

Which ashram, which temple, must I look for ‘I’?

Is the ‘I’ not here right now?

Can you not be I?

Can we leave the ‘I’ aside?

What is it that cannot be left?

The body will be left. The thoughts will come and go; emotions, all of this will come and go.

But what is the ‘I’ which is not left behind?

What does this one look like?

This is the simple looking.

AM I WILLING TO THROW AWAY MY CHECKLIST OF WHAT FREEDOM SHOULD BE?

So the silence is preparing us to receive this wordless teaching.

Our habit is that we have gone from place to place since we were children; preparing through school, expecting some conceptual answers which will explain what is going on. Everyone is looking for some sort of an answer. Then we come to a point where we see that no concept will do it; that there is something much deeper, something much broader, something here which is the essence of existence that I find that no words can truly get to.

In the silence, we’re losing this reliance on words. And as we go along over the next few days, we’ll see that these words were given much more importance than they deserve. And nothing came to a standstill just because of our silence. We’re preparing to come face to face with our non-conceptual reality, the non-phenomenal Self.

How does one convince a drop of water that it is actually the infinite ocean? This leap seems too much for a drop to understand. There is something that shifts; where we drop the personal perspective, the idea that ‘I'm just this drop’. And everything is on our side for this dropping. All the ground has been prepared for this unfolding.

And there is complete trust here that the voice which speaks these words is the same voice which brought this one to its unfolding, and now uses this body to share these words. So, if it was possible here, then it is completely possible for all imagined drops to see for themselves that they are just one infinite ocean.

And if you notice actually, our conversation is exactly like that.

You will come and say ‘I am just this mere drop’.

I say ‘Can you check and look and tell me: where is this one, this drop?’

And you say ‘I can't find the boundaries’.

[And I say]: ‘Then what makes you think you're a drop?’

‘Okay, I see I'm not the drop. I'm the ocean. So now, which way should the drop go? Should it go left?’ [Laughs]

‘Yes, yes, I See I'm not the drop. I find no boundaries to myself. All appearances are appearing inside me and they're going inside me, and yet, I'm not convinced because I was promised that I will become a super-drop with a halo’. [Laughter] ‘I don't see the halo. And those dust particles that were inside me are still there. I was promised that they will not be there; these feelings and these thoughts’.

And the best one of them all is ‘Yes, I see I'm the ocean. But then, so what?’ [Laughs] ‘What did the drop get?’

As I have been saying all morning, it is not true that the ocean became a drop, and now the drop has to become the ocean again. It's just that the ocean itself is pretending. It has the power to pretend. It is much simpler than we can imagine. And just in the Seeing that ‘I cannot find this individual identity. It was always just an idea. It never really happened’ then it cannot survive; the false cannot survive.

And sometimes it survives with our permission; that ‘I want to play as a drop some more. I'm not done yet’. Or some deluded idea that there might still be some hope for that halo. [Laughs]. ‘I want to give this ‘enlightened person’ thing one last shot. Because I've heard such great things about these enlightened people. They could be in multiple places at one time. They had all kinds of siddhis and powers. They were just in bliss the whole time. They needed no sleep. And whatever they wished for would appear in front of them’.

Are we still waiting for those miniscule gifts that a drop can get? Or are we open now to just looking openly, and coming to the realization that this individual life cannot find?

And one important resistance also that comes up is that the same mind says ‘It cannot be true like this, because you could not have been so stupid. You have believed yourself to be this for so long; there must be something wrong with this picture. Maybe there is a way that the ocean became a drop, and it happened to you, and now you're getting back to becoming the ocean’. That's a much more glorious story, you see. And we want that kind of story. We’re not willing to admit that it was just a belief, it was just an idea, it was nothing at all. Because what kind of biography is that?

Even now some of us might be waiting for some explosive experience. Because we are not happy if this story was to end so meekly. ‘I searched and I searched for so many years, and one day I was just sitting in this hall in Tiruvannamalai, and it occurred to me that I am not this ego. And I could see that only Being is here. And I'm the witness of even this Being’.

End of story. Don't buy this book. [Laughs] We want some explosion. ‘I came up on the hot seat and just me looking at the Master’s eyes, something just exploded; and everyone said wow!’ [Everyone laughs] At least that much story... [Laughter]

So, I'm making a joke out of it but it's this tendency to storify [story-fy]… That's why I asked you this question:

If this was the end of the story, not even some steps were to happen now, just nothing to storify now after this one; just now the story ends. Are you okay with this? Nothing to report, no supernatural phenomena, not even an awakening experience to write about. ‘Just simply sitting here, I saw that I have never been a person’. That much I’ll read. [Smiles]. Okay?

And it is a little bit confusing, because the seeming-journey started because I wanted something. I wanted peace, I wanted bliss, I wanted joy, I wanted all kinds of things. I could have wanted astral travel, I could have wanted to predict the future. I could have wanted a lot of these things. But I got nothing. And even this ‘I’ got taken away from me! So not only did I not get anything, even this ‘I’ got taken from me.

As I was telling someone earlier, this is a root question, you see?

Do I want to be a free cat? Or do I want freedom FROM the cat?

Do I want to now be a cat with a halo? Or am I done playing cat?

Am I willing to throw away my checklist of what freedom should be?

And if you already know what freedom is, then why do you need a teacher?

So these are the tricks of the mind or the resistances which can come. The truth is much simpler than that. Always available, just present. And yet more magnificent and more glorious than any mind can picture; than any imagination can get to. And that is why, like my Master says ‘No one who has discovered this truth about themselves says I would rather go back and just be a person’. No one.

YOU ARE THE AWARENESS ITSELF, THE WITNESSING ITSELF

We’ll read something from the Essence of Ribhu Gita. This is from Chapter 26, Verse 3. The sage says:

Having realized that the world picture on the screen-Self is evanescent and essentially non-existent, one should ever remain still and blissful in the firm conviction of ever being the sole Brahman-Self only. This conviction should be maintained even while functioning as an individual in the world of name and form. This matured state of abidance in the Self is called sahaja nishta, the natural state.

In that blissful Self wherein there is no action of body, speech and mind, no virtuous or sinful karma and the fruits thereof, one should remain still, eschewing the least trace of thought.

In that Self, wherein there is neither conceiver nor conception of the world of names and forms, one should remain blissfully still, eschewing the least trace of thought.

In that Self wherein desire, anger, covetousness, confusion, bigotry and envy are all absent; in that Self wherein there is no thought of bondage or release, one should abide blissfully still, eschewing the least ripple of thought.

So, I am going to translate eschewing to be ‘not believing’. The mind always says that it can't be so simple. ‘There must have been somewhere that I need to get. I've been at this for so long; all my journey, all my trials and tribulations. Are you saying I've always been this; always been that which I've been looking for? Something must need to be changed, at least. The anger should go’. It will say this kind of thing. ‘The relationships should get better. What is the benefit of this whole thing? And he’s saying even bliss he will not promise’.

Could it really have been one big trick? Just a switch of perception; just a switch of perspective actually. And we took on a personal perspective. Just this perspective needs to switch back. What is the real perspective? It has been very hard work to be a person, and it's completely effortless to be the Self. That's why the sage calls it the effortless state, the natural state.

We’re working so hard to pretend to be bound. And how do we know we are working hard? Because we are suffering. And it's not as if suffering was designed by somebody else. This is all part of your own play. Maybe we can say that we created it as an alarm clock for our-self.

It's that simple. Nothing needs to happen. It's only that the term ‘I’, the idea of ‘I’, got a little muddied up, a little muddled up. And we got used to using it for an imagined non-existent entity; non-entity. We got used to using it in that way.

And now we are fully just clarifying ‘Who is this I?’ That's all that is needed. That's why Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said that after silence, it is self-inquiry that is the best path, the best way. All we are doing is clarifying ‘What do we mean by I?’

And the mind wants to keep it confusing like that. If you ask most Beings who are not in satsang, you will find… you will sometimes be shocked at their indifference to this question. Because immediately the mind resists. It says ‘What's the point? This is too abstract. What will I get?’ This complete refusal to look at this. Which is completely fine because they're not done playing. And there is no need to force this; forcibly make them look at what they mean by ‘I’. It is enough that we look.

And what happens, first when we look? We’re easily distracted by appearances, the content. Or ‘I think I am this; I think I am this’. No, you are the witness of this thought. Who is the witness? ‘I'm scared. I'm feeling some fear’. No, you are witnessing that fear is arising. Who is the witness? ‘But my family and my friends don't understand me, and they’ll leave.’ you're witnessing this. Just another appearance. Who is the witness? So all this slew of appearances comes with full force to distract you from this question. Sometimes when you ask, you might find yourself just too sleepy.

I have a friend, a colleague who has worked with me for some years now, and sometimes we talk about satsang. And just when we come to the core, he’ll become so sleepy; his head is falling down. [Smiles]. While in this play, all of this can happen. So the world of appearances seems to become even more distracting than earlier. And the voice of this mind, the voice of the interpreter seems to become even more aggressive, loud, trying to pull your attention away from the question into another appearance.

That's why the teacher asks:

What is here besides the appearance?

Who is witnessing these appearances?

[Silence]

Is it not you that sees everything coming and going, and yet it remains unchanged? This body, every cell has changed many times over. It is changing every day. Yet I remain as the witness of it. These thoughts, every minute a new thought, and I remain as the witness of it. Emotions, feelings, energy; changing, changing, changing. But I remain as the witness of it. Even the states of waking, dream and sleep, I am aware of, I witness them, and they change. That which I do not witness does not exist.

Who is this witness?

If we keep the appearances aside just for a few moments, and find out who is witnessing all of this, then we find that this … even to call it a ‘witness’ actually is a bit much, because ‘witness’ implies an entity who is a witness, and that means that it has some attributes. But when we look, do we find any attributes for this witness?

And this is a point of frustration for many of you. ‘We look for the witness, and we don't find it’. What you actually mean is ‘I don't find the phenomenal attributes for the witness’. You can't find it, because it is not phenomenal.

But far more accurate it is to say that there is no ‘witness’, it is just the witnessing itself. The great sages of the past were called the ‘Seers’. But actually there is no ‘Seer’. It is the Seeing Itself.

Are you okay with not being a noun; not being an entity? A more accurate description of I, of you, would be more like a verb. You are just this Seeing. You are not an entity who is aware, an entity who is witnessing. You are the Awareness Itself, the Witnessing Itself.

And this the mind cannot accept, understand or fathom. So don't struggle with trying to convince the mind. Don't even force it as a belief on the mind. You do not need to believe it. You only need to See it.

And you are Seeing it right now. This is all that you are Seeing. At least some of you are waiting for mental confirmation. you're not trusting your own Seeing, you're waiting for the mind to confirm ‘Yes, this is what I see’. Because all of you, when I ask you the question ‘Are you aware now?’ you say ‘Yes’. And I say ‘What was seen to confirm this?’ You say ‘This awareness is here, but I find no attributes of this; and yet I know it is here’. This is what we are talking about. This Knowing-ness, this Seeing-ness, this Awareness.

And you don't need to ‘be that’. Because quickly the mind comes with this task. It says ‘Now that you see it, you must be it’. So instead, I say:

Don't be it, and show me. Stop being it for just an instant.

The instruction to ‘be it’ is also personal actually. And no person can ‘be it’.

Awareness can only be Awareness.

At best when we say ‘Stay as the Self’ or ‘Stay as Awareness itself’ it only means to not believe any appearance to be You. So don't fall for this delusion again. This is all that it means when it is said ‘Stay as the Self’.

BE VIGILANT ABOUT SPIRITUAL EGO

For some of you, the mind might come with some proclamations just about now, saying that ‘This is it. I got it’. And we must not even believe this one. And if it does get your belief, then we must inquire. Because the last stand of the ego is the spiritual ego. The pretend person claiming to be the enlightened person; this is spiritual ego. How do we know this is spiritual ego or not? It manifests with the messaging that ‘There is something special about me. I am something different from everyone else’. And there are many, many beautiful awakening experiences which are then again pulled back into egotism because of this spiritual ego. And if there is such a thing as a strong adversary for the voice of the truth, if there is such a thing, then it is this spiritual ego

We find that those who are caught up in this spiritual ego then are almost impossible to get through to. Then you just have to let Grace do the work. The good news is that Life knows, Grace knows, and suffering will squeeze this ego out of us. [Silence] Just like love and fear cannot co-exist, specialness and gratitude cannot co-exist.

And this is a nice way to check. Because many times, we don't know. We don't know whether we are afflicted by the spiritual ego. So a good way to check is ‘Is there gratitude?’ Because specialness usually exhibits itself in a very ‘unworthy’ way, (almost you can say), because it will say things like ‘Me and my Guru, we’re just buddies; we’re the same anyways’. ‘Yes, yes, it was useful to hear him for some time’. This kind of talk; just to check.

The ego is very smart, the mind is very smart. And it will use Advaita itself as a very solid defense for the ego. And you will find many people … who have picked up these Advaitic concepts but it is all still coming from a personal perspective and a perspective of specialness. Because there is nothing wrong with the content of the words; it's only that you smell that it is not accompanied by the fragrance of love, peace and joy.

That is why I feel like a very worthy prayer, and a prayer which is often repeated here also, is to say that: If there's any arrogance here, If there is any sense of specialness which is perpetuating here, Let Life slap it out of here immediately, right now.

And there are many in this sangha who have made this prayer, and they testify that it really works [Chuckles]; very fast.

And this is probably what Papaji meant when he said ‘Vigilance to the last breath’. It was not this restrictive sort of vigilance, this restricted state. It was just this natural growing. And if there was some sense of suffering, some sense of discomfort, some sense of identity getting picked up, just to be vigilant about that. And it's a sign of great humility, Isn't it?

GUIDED MEDITATION: IN KNOWING THIS, NOW YOU REST

I can see that the mind is settling in for many of you. It's not feeling like so much of a prison now, the silence. It's more natural. [Silent Sitting]

Don't resist whatever might be appearing.

Allow everything to appear.

Allow yourself to experience fully whatever sound,

whatever the senses might be bringing to you.

Don't resist anything. Don't push anything away.

All sounds are welcome.

Observe where sounds are being experienced,

where this voice is being experienced.

Is it experienced outside you? Or is it inside you?

Now, let's bring our attention to the body,

and welcome any sensation that might be there; even that of pain.

Taste whatever experience the body is bringing to you

with a sense of complete openness.

Allow all sensations to appear.

Taste this experience with no resistance, no judgment.

Find out whether the sensations of the body are experienced in the same space as the sounds were being experienced earlier.

Find out if the body is being experienced inside you? Or outside you?

Let's bring our attention to our thoughts and whatever they might be saying.

All thoughts are welcome.

Just observe how thoughts are interpreting What Is.

Observe what thoughts appear like.

What are thoughts? How do you see them?

And allow all of them to come.

Let's bring our attention to our space of feelings. bserve whatever feeling might be there.

Even the sense if there is no feeling, stay with that space.

Don't push anything aside.

If it is fear, let it be. If it is joy, let it be.

All emotions and feelings are allowed.

Taste whatever feeling is appearing for you now.

Even if it feels a little uncomfortable at first, just stay with it; honor it.

Welcome all feelings with open arms.

Now just observe that there is a sense that ‘I Am Here. I exist. I Am.’

Independent of the thought ‘I Am’… You Are.

This Presence is your Being.

Observe that you are aware of your Presence, of your existence, of your Being.

You know: Being is Here.

You know: I Am.

Don't try to get this. No mind can get this. It just simply IS.

From this moment, you are This Awareness.

In every moment, you are This Awareness.

You cannot be bound.

No concept of Freedom applies to You.

You are the eternal Witness of all appearances.

And yet you remain untouched by any appearance.

You Are This!

You cannot become anything else.

And in knowing this, now you rest.

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti

[Namaste]

I WITNESS THEM, THEY CANNOT NOT WITNESS ME

Whatever is appearing right now, in the outer world,

You are the witness of it.

I witness the world. The world does not witness me.

This body is appearing here, it is felt here.

I am the witness of this body. This body is not the witness of me.

Whatever the mind might be saying, whatever thoughts are coming,

I am the witness of these. Thought does not witness me.

Whatever sensations, emotions are appearing,

I witness them. They cannot witness me.

The sense that ‘I exist. I am.’

I witness this. Even this does not witness me.

This ‘I’ … untouched by any of these appearances,

just this witnessing itself, I cannot separate from.

It is what I am.

I have no color or shape or form.

I am not changing with time.

I cannot be bound by space.

This witnessing, unconcerned, untouched, unmoving,

which doesn't come and go; all maya comes and goes,

all appearances come and go…

This ‘I’ I have always been.

And this I see now.

And yet these thoughts continue.

And because it has been my habit to believe these thoughts to be me;

That's why some of them still get some belief.

But the truth is I am the immortal, invincible One.

I can never be just the man; just this bundle of flesh and blood.

This is all our direct experience, right now.

But it can never be a mental understanding.

And as my Being continues to dis-associate

from these ideas which are personal,

you will find that all love, all peace, all joy is in your service.

It is not possible to feel a sense of lack.

Contentment is at your feet.

Just the power of this ‘Not believing the next thought’…

To remain as uncontaminated Presence.

And to trust the Satguru in your own Heart.

To trust our ability to recognize the Love which is impersonal,

which is pure.

It is enough to not fall for the delusion of personhood;

this much is enough.

The insights about the truth will reveal themselves on their own.

Nothing needs to be done; just enough to check that

‘I am not this person which I am claiming to be’

and to trust that the One that runs this entire universe

is also taking care of my life.

This is a timeless gift that we are giving to each other,

long after these bodies have come and come.

So when we check ‘Who am I?’

to see that ‘I am not this ego, I am not the person’

and to see that I am This,

this knowing which is aware of all appearances.

This is what I have been;

This is what I always will be.

May this bring all peace.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

FIND THIS EFFORTLESSNESS OF BEING THE SELF

Find this effortlessness of being the Self. So far it has seemed like we have been making some effort to discover the Self. Find now that this naturalness, this existence itself, is your natural state.

[It has been hard work] in picking up all these ideas and concepts. And find that it has been completely futile not matter what the mind has been telling you about it. Nobody wants ‘the person’ back. Whatever the mind might be promising to you, whatever fears it might be telling you about, nobody wants this identity back. And it's time that we stop buying these excuses of the mind.

Effortless allow them to come and go. Because by now it must be completely clear to you that this voice is not authentically yours. It belongs to you, it appears inside you, but it does not represent who you are. And when you're buying, then know for yourself ‘I am buying this now’.

If you buy an idea of ‘I’ then say ‘I am buying this’.

It might seem a little bit silly what I'm saying but it's what we’re doing, so why don't we admit it? ‘I'm buying the idea that I don't feel free; that means that I'm still buying the idea that freedom is some feeling. I'm buying the idea that something is supposed to happen to my body once I'm free. I'm buying the idea that some sort of utopia will be here when there is freedom’. Which are the ideas that you are buying?

So just in silence for up to 5 minutes, do an internal audit, and find out which ideas are still being bought, which ideas still have the most force.

FEELINGS EXPERIENCED COMPLETELY DISSOLVE INTO NOTHING

[Someone is in tears of grief about loss, but inaudible]

One of the misconceptions that is rampant is that those who are awake or those who are free have no feelings. Many times it's like this in my interactions also. It's like ‘You are free. You have no feeling. Just be concerned about my feelings’. But it's not like this. It is that these feelings come, emotions do arise; it is not a robotic, vegetative state. They come very strongly, in fact, like you said. there's no veto; it just comes. But the difference is that it does not last.

So it comes, it can it be really strong, and then because nothing is giving it identity, nothing is keeping it around, it is just experienced completely. And it can seem so strong. But then it dissolves back into the nothingness. And there is no reporting that ‘this happened’ or ‘this didn't happen’. You won't even remember what feelings came at once. This is true. But the feelings do appear. The feeling of grief can appear, the feeling of being hurt can appear. But it does not last; it's not held onto.

Emotions by themselves are just very pure expressions of Consciousness; even anger, grief, sorrow are Consciousness, uncontaminated by the personal; here and now. It is what we use the mind to make out of it; that anger can come and the mind says ‘See, you're still just an angry person. What about all this freedom stuff? Rubbish. you're still just an angry person’. If we believe that, then we make guilt out of it, resentment out of it.

These are the by-products which need the mind. Because the emotions by themselves are just pure energy that are experienced in the moment. They just come; just like thoughts that have appeared and disappeared. The same way, emotions just come and they go.

It's very good to be just open like this and allow it. This is very good because then we’re not holding on to any self-image; projecting that ‘I am free’ or something like this. You can allow it. Because a person pretending to be ‘a free person’ or operating in the belief of a free person… that is the heaviest burden that anyone can carry. It's the biggest, biggest burden for anyone.

So, just like this; completely open. No concept of self-image now. Grief is coming, so grief is coming.

“Thank you.”

CAN YOU SHOW ME THIS SEEKER IDENTITY?

“I don't have a burning question, but there is a burning.”

So, let me ask you a burning question: With all integrity, what is the truest introduction you could give me about yourself?

“The image I see of myself is….”

No, not the image you see of yourself. The truest introduction.

“Anything I say would be an image.”

Does it have to be? You can just point towards that which is not an image also. I will understand what you mean.

“Seeker.”

What do you mean, seeker? [Silence]

“The one who has this love for discovery and to know the nature of reality.”

The one who has this love for discovery and to know the nature of reality. This one looks like what? [Silence] Tell me one attribute of this one.

“Devotion.”

Devotion belongs to this seeker-entity. What is the attribute? What is the color of this seeker-entity?

“Just awareness.”

Awareness is seeking?

“There is awareness of the seeker.”

Awareness of the seeker. So are you the content which is seen, which seems like a set of beliefs which make a seeker? So, are you that which is Seeing? Or are you that which is seen?

[Silence] Suppose for a minute that you are that which is seen. Then who is doing the Seeing? If you're the content, then who is the witness of the content?

“It does not feel like I am the content, but it is that content is what is being Seen all the time; and the content has the qualities.”

The content has the qualities. So the movie is playing a certain way. So if you go to a movie that is playing a certain way, do you become that which is seen in the movie? [Silence]

“There seems to be some kind of accepting understanding that this story of the seeker has to run out, has to play itself out, and it seems to be mindful of compassionate acceptance of this thing that the seeker…”

Yes, the story of the seeker can play. It can play. Nobody is stopping that play; don't be worried about the seeker and what will happen to it.

But can you actually become this seeker and show me how you do it? [Silence]

“There is awareness of seeing this construct, whatever; there is this awareness of something which has come together and now it appears as a seeker. There are times where it is just a Seeing and a compassionate acceptance of it. There are times when there is identification with it.”

Okay, so let's deconstruct this, because this is important:

Thought is an energy construct.

An emotion, sensation, feeling is an energy construct.

The body is an energy construct.

But the seeker… is it even an energy construct? [Silence]

Does it have even energetic existence?

“It is seen and clear to me, but there are these thoughts coming together that give the notion of a seeker; or there is more to it than the thoughts coming.”

There is nothing more to it. There is nothing more to it other than the belief that we had in our thoughts. I’ll give you an example which I often use in satsang. The identity is nothing but a photo album. Okay? Every thought that you pick up becomes a photo in this photo album. Now, we can go through thought by thought and remove the identity, but that seems like a very long drawn process. The simplest would be if we could pick up the entire album and throw it away. But a very rare one is able to do that.

But what is possible is that we look at it section by section. So all freedom related thoughts create the seeker identity, seeker section. No? If you're in a relationship, then all the relationship thoughts become the relationship section; parent, son, all of these identities. Now, for those in satsang, this seeker identity seems to take a lot of space in this album. But it is still nothing but a collection of thoughts, a collection of beliefs.

You must look and show me how there is something else to the seeker except a set of beliefs.

Does it have even an atomic or molecular existence? [Silence]

Where is it located in time and space?

“It is those bundle of thoughts, things like that coming together, that give …”

That do what? A bundle of thoughts is actually experienced only one thought at a time. Isn't it? The mind is not saying two things at the same time. It's like this mouth; the voice of the mind is also saying like that, one thought at a time. It might come fast, and you might say ‘there's a lot of it’. But our experience is only one message coming at one time; at one instant.

So this bundle of thoughts is just a way to represent, when we’re speaking, as analogy to describe the mind. There is no bundle actually. [Silence]

Right now, is there a seeker here? [Silence]

There never is. But you can pretend to be one by believing your thought. Which again, is coming only one at a time.

So, what you are saying is that ‘I want to let the seeker play out’. But as long as you know that it doesn't exist, and you want to play this imaginary game, then fine; nothing can stop you. Because nothing can take away your power to pretend. [Silence]

Who is it that is pretending?

Who pretends to be the seeker?

We can say there is a seeker identity.

Okay. Whose identity is it?

“I mean, it is there in that thought form…”

Where? Where is the thought form?

“Where thoughts are.”

Where?

“They come and they go; they're nothing.”

Where is the thought form of the seeker?

[Speaker Laughs]

Say from experience. Don't say from any knowledge.

“So, when a thought comes, and when there is a kind of ownership or attachment to the thought, then …”

Thought comes. Let's break this down. Thought comes and you said it's an energy construct. Thought comes. What can happen to a thought? What can you do with a thought? There are two things. One is you can give it your attention, be with the thought. Second you can buy it, give it your belief; which means that ‘This is meaningful for me’. Besides this, anything else you can do with a thought? Anything else?

“This seems to be the …”

So now a thought is coming, attention is going. Is there a sense that there is a seeker because of attention going to a thought? [Silence] No seeker yet. There is a thought ‘I want freedom’. Attention has gone there; we can see it saying ‘I want freedom’.

But there is also belief which can be given or not. If belief is given, then it seems like we have created this ‘me’ who wants freedom; because the ‘I’ that the thought is talking about is the imagined man. So we have believed that this imagined ‘I’ exists; That's why we believe the thought. But it continues to be only a belief. No actual seeker came into existence. Not even in a subtle form. It was just an idea, just a belief.

Whose belief was it? The power of belief belongs to the same Consciousness Being. That's why we say that ‘If you want to see God pretending to be a person, believe your next thought’.

But do you want to see God pretending to be a person, or not?

That is the choice that God is making.

THIS IS AWARENESS BEING AWARE OF ITSELF

How many of you feel stuck? How many of you feel ‘I got it now’?

In either case, there must be a concept that there is somewhere to go to, or there is somewhere that I have gone. You can be stuck only if you were supposed to get to a certain distance and something came in your way. If there was somewhere to get to, then something can stop you and say ‘I seem stuck’. If it is the starting point itself, if you have never left the destination, then how can we be stuck? It is the idea of getting somewhere that makes us seem stuck. And it can be because we’re hearing some reports, some experiences. Even sometimes it happens that we are in such a state of just quietness that when someone comes with a very highly charged, very negative report, something there is saying ‘Please, even that would be more exciting than what is happening now’. [Laughter] ‘Even that would be better’.

So remember that there truly is nowhere to get to. You already are that. It is only our refusal to look at what is already here, and to continue to go along with some mental projection of where I need to be, that can create this feeling of being stuck.

Are we willing to give up this mental projection of freedom, or not? Because no actual experience will live up to your mental projection of what freedom is.

And if you already know what freedom is, if you already know it, then what do you need satsang for if you already know? If you're still going along with some idea that the mind is painting for you that could also be just, you know… very often I've heard this common feeling that ‘I'm at the edge of the cliff. I just have to jump’. It's not true. there's nowhere to jump TO. Can you jump inside yourself? At best it is a question of bringing our attention inwards. Just checking what is here.

And many of you are now saying that ‘Yes, when I check I find no person’. ‘When I check, I find this Presence of Being, and I see myself to be even the Witness of this’. you're saying words which are scriptural already, from your direct experience.

But still the mind is saying ‘No, no, no, but still… it should always be like this’. And I say ‘But it is! How can it leave?’ [And you say] ‘But … something’.

If we go along with this ‘something’ which is nothing but a feeling, or a thought, then it can be endless. Then we can keep meeting lifetime after lifetime after lifetime. And every lifetime You'll tell me that there is ‘something’. When will it end? If you are still willing to go along with this ‘Something is stopping me, something is blocking me, something is not happening’ at least let's not keep it vague. Let's be clear, exactly what? Then we can look at it. ‘But something feels I'm still a person’. there's no cure for this ‘something’. This ‘something’ is just imagined.

Are you open to the possibility that Right Now You Are Free?

And the trouble is that our knowledge, our intellect gets in the way, and it says ‘But That's a rare thing, to be free. How can all of us sitting in this room be free?’ Many have said ‘It's one in a million or one in a billion’. Are you going to continue to buy these stories? Are you willing to look directly at yourself… to see that only You are Here? Only You have always been Here, and this ‘I’ has always been what has been looked for? That it is just This.

That's why yesterday we did this exercise of exposing which thought is still getting belief; and throwing it into the fire of satsang. And we heard mostly everything, Isn't it? Most of the objections of the mind came up. And we say ‘it is the same guy’, the same one that is giving us the same stories.

Don't go with the thought that says ‘I still don't see it’. Because the Seeing is Here. And if you saw it, then that would be it; because it cannot be seen phenomenally. You are not a thing; you are not an object which will be found in the same way in which we are used to finding things.

But the pointing ‘Who am I?’ takes care of the false … because when we check ‘Who am I?’ you see that there is no ego, there is no separation, there is no person. Almost immediately upon asking the question, you can see this: ‘I don't find the one that I have been referring to myself as, all this while’.

‘Then, who am I? I have the sense that I exist, that I Am. This I cannot deny. And I am aware of even this Presence, this sense’. We can very easily say these words: ‘I am aware’. What is this awareness? What is this knowingness, Seeingness? How is it separate from You?

And whether your mind likes it or not, you cannot become a ‘thing’. You will never be able to point to a thing and say ‘There, I found it. That is me’. And some of you, the mind is playing tricks with; giving you a visual, showing you some empty, dark space: ‘See, this is it; this is what you are’. Who Sees this? Or some bright light, or some energetic beautiful aura. Who Sees this? Don't go with any imagination, any idea; just stay and see what is the Seeing itself. Who is Seeing?

And how long will you believe this objection from the mind saying ‘This… I don't get this. This is too abstract for me’… ‘Until Being, it is fine. But when it comes to Awareness, then I lose it’. Don't buy this. Because you are saying ‘I am aware’. How can you then say, after ‘I am aware’… that ‘I don't know what Awareness is?’

If I ask any of you ‘Are you aware now?’ you will say ‘Yes, I am aware’. And then very quickly say ‘I am aware OF…’ Quickly, we will go to the ‘OF’, the content. Of what? Of this, of that. But already you are saying ‘I am aware OF it’. Aware! That means you know you are aware. This is the awareness that we are talking about.

I am aware that I am aware. I know that I am aware.

But here, just here, the mind pulls all its tricks and says ‘Now this is becoming too difficult. I'm not getting it’. … ‘Yes, you are not getting this. You keep quiet’. We’re not interested in the mind getting this. Allow me to bypass this one.

What I'm saying is very simple. You say ‘I am aware’. By just this: ‘I am aware’ (which means ‘I know that I am aware’), which is the same as ‘I am aware that I am aware’. This is it. This is Awareness being aware of Itself.

No fireworks need to happen, no experience needs to happen. Even you cannot report that something happened because Awareness is not experienced phenomenally.

It is enough that you say: I Am Aware.

This ‘I’ that is aware is Awareness Itself.

ATTACHMENT IS AT THE ROOT OF FEAR

The voice of the ego, the voice of the mind, also derives its power from You. So although it might seem like the trickiest, most subtle, cunning voice that knows exactly what it needs to push, it cannot outsmart the Supreme Intelligence that You Are.

So let's do a small exercise today to get to the root of the beliefs that we still seem to hold. Many of you are now saying that ‘I don't know what I'm holding onto but it feels like I'm still holding onto something’. So let's see then if we can unravel some of this, and use the trickster itself to uproot this trickster. Use the tricks of the ego to weaken the foundations of this identity.

So, just for ourselves, find out what it is that you are the most fearful about.

What is your biggest fear?

What is the message underlying your biggest fear?

And come face to face with it. Don't deny it; don't try to push it away. Even if in satsang it doesn't seem so strong, just stay with it. [Silence]

And if many of them are coming, then just start with one. We will look at all of them. Just start with one. [Silence]

This fear is a pointer to some attachment which still remains...

There is attachment at the root of fear.

Find out what type of attachment this is. Is it to something in the world? Is it to something that you seem to have? [Silence]

Understand that whatever the fear is, it is based on this attachment. Come face to face with this attachment; no running, no resisting and no denial. Right now is not a good time to use denial. [Silence]

Let all the feelings associated with this attachment come up. Don't hide, don't run. [Silence]

Now find out which identity that you are carrying is attached to this attachment. [Silence]

If the attachment is to children, for example, then find out if it is the father or mother identity. If it is to a special relationship, look at the relationship identity; the identity which still must be dear to us that we are still attached to. Which identity are we unwilling to let go of? [Silence]

Now look at the thoughts which reinforce this identity; the thoughts about this identity. You will find that there is belief in these thoughts. Belief has been given to these thoughts, That's why this identity still seems strong. No room for denial or proclamations. This is not the time for this kind of self-deception.

Look. Look closely. Unravel the thoughts behind this identity. [Silence]

Find the one thought; the one thought which you're not willing to let go of.

And stay with this one thought. [Silence]

Inquire into who this thought is referring to?

Whose thought is this? [Silence]

And as we look more and more, we will find this thought does not apply to you at all, because the ‘you’ to which is it referring does not exist. [Silence]

Give up this thought. Let it go.

Allow it to burn in the fire of this satsang here. [Silence]

We have been deluded by this long enough.

It is not in service to You. It is only the doorway to misery. [Silence]

And if for some of you this thought is coming up strongly to expose in satsang, you can do this now.

“There is a part that comes from feeling inadequate, probably right from my childhood. Today I think I question my wife’s love for me, because of that, because it's coming up strongly. … [Inaudible]… I know she loves me, but …[Inaudible]… ”

You feel like you're not worthy enough.

“Yes, she should show it more, and it's really my sense of …[Inaudible].”

And this ‘my’ that this thought is referring to, does it exist?

“No.”

So do you want to take us through this cycle of how it works?

What was the biggest fear?

“The biggest fear my whole life has been not being adequate enough.”

Not being adequate. Like a sense of unworthiness. And this fear pointed you to which attachment?

“At first it came that it was my parents, then it came … [Inaudible]…”

And the identity which was revealed was this special relationship or close relationship’s identity?

“The need for specialness.”

We find that this one who needs to feel special does not exist. It has always been an idea that I have had about myself. And in this process now, we are burning all these ideas. We’re letting them go. Because they don't apply to us.

“Strong fear when I try to run through all that we discuss… the little things. The son identity. The brother identity. Just a little desire to spread this, to share this teacher role or whatever. ‘Let's talk about this. there's nothing else to talk about’. And then maybe the ‘seeker’ again. …[Inaudible]… Nothing like a really strong fear. Someone in the family will bring grief or something; the body’s death, story and so on.”

So, the trump cards are dissolving. Just some little remnants are getting together and making this soup of identity a little bit. [Smiles]

“You know, the father says things… [Inaudible]…like I am wasting my life.”

The son identity. And when you look for the son, can you find it?

“I can't say it's nothing. An energy there. Like it's completely known that there is no son, but at the same time…”

‘I must fulfill their expectations’ is the key thought?

“Yes.”

So not only are you buying the son-identity, you're also believing that this non-existent identity is the doer of something, or can do something. Because if firstly, it doesn't exist; secondly, that which does not exist cannot do anything, or fulfill or not fulfill expectations. So, Isn't this clear that this is only going to cause misery?

“Yes.”

[Ananta laughs]. I feel like Byron Katie right now. [Sangha laughs] I was going to say actually ‘Is there one good reason to keep it?’ and the thought went directly to Katie. [Laughs] I've run out of original material. [Laughter].

There is actually no good reason to keep this.

“As I'm exposing it, it's funny…”

Yes, That's the power of exposing; especially in front of people [here]. It can seem like something got burned in this process.

“Yes, I feel relaxed.”

INQUIRY AS A NATURAL CHECKING TO SEE

[Speaker inaudible; mentioning about how the instruction ‘Don't believe your next thought’ has been powerful for him in his meditation.]

It's clear to me that you've been listening very well. It's very good. I want to say that… because there might be this question: But why doesn't he say ‘these instructions for meditation’. These pointings, I keep saying ‘these pointings’. It is because it is very easy for us to pick up the meditator perspective, the meditator identity, the practitioner identity. And these pointings are more direct than that. And yet, if the feeling is there that ‘I must practice something’ then these pointings are meant for that as well.

So for some it might be that you hear those 3 basic questions:

The first one is: How am I to be rid of my suffering?

And the pointing is ‘Don't believe your next thought’.

And when this is heard for some of you, it can be heard like this, that this is a beautiful instruction for me to follow formally. And for some of you, it might feel like it is pointing to our most natural state in day to day life. So the potency of it, as you start playing with it, becomes very clear. It is only sometimes the simplicity of it makes it seem a little bit illusive. It seems like ‘This cannot be one of the great pointings: Don't believe your next thought’. It sounds like a bumper sticker. But actually, just in this, you will find that suffering identity, ego, all of these very quickly start sounding like alien concepts, just in not believing the next thought.

Also there is a part two to this pointing, which is that ‘Most of my thoughts, I'm able to let go of now without giving it belief, but there are certain sticky ones which it seems like belief goes to it too fast, or it just happens on its own. It doesn't seem like I'm giving it belief. It seems like belief is automatically presented believed'.

So the second part of this pointing is that: Those which are recurring, sticky conditioning, strong identity, then those thoughts we pull into the inquiry.

So the thought could be ‘I'm not free yet’. So we pull this into the inquiry and say ‘Who is this ‘I’ who is not free?’ And we inquire and inquire and inquire until the point comes when this thought ‘I am not free yet’ becomes trivial, it becomes laughable, it loses all its juice. So in this way there is no one who can go through these two parts of the pointing and still survive with their suffering. It is just not possible.

The second questions is:

What about Consciousness, or God, or Atma?

It seems like I'm free from suffering, but how do I discover this?

I'm in this for God. How can I find God?

And the way that we define God is this Consciousness, the Presence I Am. And it was clear to me that in looking for Being, (from personal experience, direct experience), it was clear that when we go looking for Being, it can seem very confusing.

Therefore I prepared the question in this way; I said:

‘Can I stop being now? Can you stop being now?’

And when asked in this way, it became very clear:

No. Being is here. It cannot be stopped.

Presence is here. I am present.

I Am.

So, very quickly, by inverting the question, we come to the point very directly. I Am.

And for many, this discovery of Being is enough. In fact there are many paths which just stop here. This is the end. There are many traditions which just come to this point.

[Third question]: And yet, for some of you, this question might arise. It can seem like ‘I am aware, even of this Being’. Some of you might say ‘Even this Being, I am not; I am aware of it’. And for those of you who are looking for this absolute Self, I have another simple pointer which is:

Are you aware now? Am I aware now?

And upon hearing these for the first time, it might seem like these are very simple. But they are SO profound that no sense of ego, no sense of personhood can survive for those who have sincerely asked themselves these questions; who have sincerely contemplated on these.

And this discovery must come, after open contemplation on these, the discovery becomes very clear. So I call it:

The two A’s:

Capital ‘A’ of Awareness

and the small ‘a’ of appearance.

And it is seen that no matter what this appearance may be bringing, (what appearance in the world, what appearance in the mind as thoughts, what appearance as feelings, emotions, sensations);

No matter what the appearance is,

I-as-Awareness remain untouched, unmoved by this play.

So, these are the core of the pointing in some way. But because different expressions of Consciousness have different ways of using these, I have not prescribed a formal practice out of it. Because there are many who are stuck for a long time with the sense that ‘I must become better at my practice. My practice is evolving every day; it's getting deeper…’ then the practitioner identity will come strongly.

Because I don't actually feel that there could be anyone who could just look at these simple pointings, and just in a few days or weeks, not be free from their delusion. So even if it is a practice, it's very short term.

Then every once in a while something can come up, and we can look at it again and say ‘What have I believed? Which thought have I picked up again?’ Then it's just some sort of a weekly or monthly or yearly maintenance of the clean-up that happens. So, these are now seeded [seated?] with you, and you now play with them, experiment with them. See how you're guided internally.

And at least for ‘Don't believe your next thought’… this has become more and more natural; whether you're sitting formally or your just moving around, even working, you will find that this is the natural state of not believing your next thought. The ‘doing’ was in the ‘believing’. This is the dropping of the ball.

I had to put that caution in, because there are many even now waiting for some ‘going away’ instructions. ‘The retreat is ending, so what should I now do after this?’ But what we are pointing to is more direct than even that. Of course these pointings are with you. They are not going anywhere. They can always be used.

But right now, as you can see:

I Am this Awareness of all of this.

And nothing can take me away.

Then your practice might actually be a non-practice practice; just in one instant, you check. You didn't sit in meditation, nothing; just not even the question ‘Who am I?’ was asked and you already checked. So instantly, this checking is possible. Like we talked about the checking from where the sun is rising from, but we don't have to wait for a particular time. The sun, in this metaphor, is already always here. So it could just be through the day, in the middle of an email or walking to work, you checked a 100 times. Not even (I jokingly say sometimes), not even ‘Who am I?’… just ‘Who?’ and you check. Sometimes by ‘Who?’ you've already checked.

Inquiry doesn't have to be [serious tone & face]: ‘Who am I?’ It can start like, it's okay. Because initially it's cutting through all the mental resistance, so it's fine to chop all of that off. But then there's so much clarity that even the entire question ‘Who am I?’ is not needed. It's just the feeling to check, and then checking happened.

So, would you call that a practice? Maybe. Maybe not. Just become more and more natural.

PRAYER/BLESSING

May the Master’s Grace, Satguru Moojiji’s Grace, always shine upon all of you.

May all those now and in the future who come with a sincere openness to find their true Self come to the unmistakable conclusion of Self which has always been here.

May my head be forever at the feet of my Master.

May his words continue to flow, just with his Grace like this, with his blessing.

May this Sangha be the light of this world. And all that come into your Presence, may they experience this Truth, Oneness and Love.

May all of you never, except momentarily, get tempted by this voice of the ego.

May all that has been shared here; may all this be ingrained in you and may it keep burning this light.

May my head always be at the feet of this beautiful Sangha.

May I always be just their servant.

May this Sangha of Being always be open and welcoming to all those, (irrespective of any characteristics); be always open and loving to all those who come in search of Truth.

May we always be grateful to this Grace, which is unfolding its gifts every day so beautifully to us. It is the same Grace which has allowed this retreat to happen, and all of us have managed to join whether here in person or online.

May Arunachala’s Grace, Bhagavan’s Grace, Papaji’s, Moojiji’s, all the Grace of this beautiful Oneness always be upon us.

And as we start to speak now again, may our words carry the perfume of the Satguru.

And may be rarely be used to be the voice of the ego.

And as we formally end our silence now, may the first words out of our mouth be ‘Om’.

And we will chant together. Take a deep breath in. [Together]: Om

Satguru Mooji ki Jai

[Sangha]: “Satguru Mooji ki Jai. Satguru Anantaji ki Jai. Sangha ki Jai. Om Shanti”

THIS CANNOT LEAVE YOU

As we are ending this retreat, I just wanted to share some simple things, because I know some of us are now saying ‘It's over. Now we come back to our personal lives’, and already realizing how to deal with the seeming-problems which will be in front of us. But remember that if there is a sense that something is a problem, we have already invented the ‘person identity’ again. There is no problem which is not personal. All problems are personal.

But the sense that some of you are getting now that ‘We are getting away from this retreat, and back to the problems of our daily lives’… don't let the mind convince you with this simple trick. At least let it come up with some new ones [Laughs]. you've seen through all of these tricks. Let's at least challenge our minds to come up with something new. So when it is repeating and playing the same problems from the past, can we just, from our Hearts, say ‘Is that all you have? The same old stuff?’ [Laughs]

Let's use whatever the trickster is throwing at us to deepen our inquiry. The same way that we've learned through the retreat that whatever seems to still get our belief, we then inquire into the identity which it is speaking to. The relationship identity, the spiritual seeker identity, the work [& money] identity, and the body identity. [The only 4 ‘problems’]

In the simple pointing: ‘Don't believe your next thought’, when we look at this, we must start with the perspective that ‘In this moment, I don't find any bondage’. Because if ‘Don't believe the next thought’ becomes a personal strategy to get to freedom, it does not work. It becomes a personal strategy; the ‘person’ using the idea not to believe the next thought to get to some sort of freedom. Even this does not work.

First we must start with the perspective that ‘In this moment, I cannot find the ego’. ‘In this moment, I cannot find bondage’. The appearances might be here, some feeling might be here, some thought might be here; but the sense of the separate ‘me’ is never here. So the point of the pointing is not to get you to some point of freedom, it is to remain as you are; not deluding yourselves in any imagined identities.

In this moment, you are free. In this moment, you are already all that you will ever be. You are complete.

As I've been saying, the ego only has one tool, one weapon to convince you, and that is thoughts. But it cannot win, because you have the power to see what you are; right now, in every instant. The power of belief also belongs to You-as-Consciousness. Therefore Truth cannot lose to just an idea of separation.

And in knowing this, we can relax a little bit about this so-called spiritual seeking. Because for many of you, the identity is only surviving as ‘a seeker’ now. The false is only surviving as a seeker for many of you. And you can see for yourself that no other identity has any juice left; only this one. So when the sense comes that ‘I must get to freedom’, when the thought comes ‘I must find some freedom’, find out which ‘I’ is being spoken about. Which ‘I’ is bound? You have not left the destination. Always you have been free. Only imagining some prison which does not exist. The suffering will be a laughable concept for you with just this simple understanding.

Then the question might come ‘Then, how do I know what I am? I want to rest in the knowledge of what I am’. And for this also, I've given you a simple pointing which is: Can you stop being now? Don't go searching for being. See if you can stop being.

Because to search for Being would imply that you are not being right now. See if even for an instant you cannot be; right now. You will see ‘I am here, I am present as Presence itself’. And this much is enough to see that ‘I am this space in which all experiencing and all arising and dissolving phenomena is happening’. This cannot leave you; whether you're in the retreat, whether you're in the so-called practical world. You cannot stop Being.

And then some of you will have this intuitive sense that there is something even aware of this Being. There is an ‘I’ that is aware even of Being. ‘How do I become clear about this Awareness that it seems like I am ultimately?’ And for that, just ask yourself: Am I aware now?

And in this simple pointing you come face to face with your only truly non-phenomenal experience. Awareness being aware of itself is not tasted as a phenomenal experience. It has no quality, no attributes; and yet you KNOW. It is clear that I Am Aware. Only Awareness knows itself. And this is the Awareness that remains through all these states, through the creation and dissolution of this Universe.

Don't let your mind under-value these questions, these pointings, just because they seem so simple.

And how do we not fall victim to this ‘voice’? Just by not believing the next thought.

It has been very beautiful to share this time with you for the past few days. I'm very grateful to all of you. I feel that all who come into your Presence can now benefit from this light that you are sharing.

[End of Tiru Silent Retreat satsangs]

OCTOBER 20

WE CANNOT SUFFER WITHOUT BELIEVING THIS VOICE

On the retreat I felt there was one special treat, which was this concept of ‘Rajen’. And I've noticed, since I've been back also I've noticed, whatever interactions I've had, whatever questions I've been getting Facebook or email, they are all saying ‘Rajen is saying this, Rajen is saying this, I want to get rid of Rajen’. So just for those of you who were not there, maybe I can just take a couple of minutes to just explain what this Rajen thing is, because you might hear it often today also.

So basically there is this voice, there is a commanding voice, which is saying that ‘I am Rajen, and this is what I want’. And Rajen is actually a place-holder for your name. But this voice of thoughts which is saying ‘This is what I want. This is what I need. This is where my life must go’. So what is happening in the process of Self-inquiry actually is only firstly to check on the existence of this Rajen.

So just like we look in this room, and I hear the voice of Rajen saying ‘I want this’ but can we see this Rajen, can we find? And we see that we don't find. And the same way when we look inside, we say ‘Where is this one who claims to have this voice, saying that it is me? Where is Rajen?’ And it is not found.

So we look around for this entity and we don't find it. Because we realize that it's not this body, because the needs and desires that it has, the aversions that it has are not of the body; not only at least of the body. Very few are directly related to the body. The simplest example being freedom it wants. The body is not interested in freedom.

So where is this one? So we've been looking for this. And we realize that it is not here in this room. In this space of Being, there is no separate entity.

But funnily enough, it seems like there is a speaker through which this non-entity is speaking. And this speaker, (and when I say speaker, I mean technologically the speaker that is attached to radios and televisions), this speaker is carrying the voice of this entity which cannot be found. And these are our thoughts claiming to belong to an entity. But whenever we look for an entity, we cannot find it.

So the only trouble… the ONLY trouble, no matter what it is saying, is that we are buying this voice that this non-entity seems to be sharing. That is the only separation; that is the only suffering. No matter what it is saying, we cannot suffer without believing this voice, without believing a thought.

Now one thing I've noticed since we've come [back from the retreat] is that ‘Rajen’ itself has gotten hold of the Rajen concept. Rajen is now saying that ‘This is Rajen who is speaking. See? This is Rajen! And now this Rajen should go’. This one is also the same guy, you see? And very easily it has been able to abstract into ‘This one; see? This one. Oh, no, this one’. Still, this one; the same guy. [Laughs]

Although it had the advantage during the retreat that we were able to just look at it and say ‘Where is this entity, Rajen?’ … it was helpful, because we were able to look at it objectively. So in this way, it was very helpful for me to guide all of you in the inquiry. But the disadvantage is that very quickly it was our identity which started then saying that ‘I don't want Rajen’. That is why it is important to correlate it back and put our name instead of Rajen.

Who is this one who is saying ‘I must be rid of the ego’, who is saying ‘Oh, I see, I see; this is Rajen. This is the trouble-maker’? We have to be a little vigilant to: Who is speaking now?

Because very quickly this trickster can also take this one on, and say ‘Yes, I figured it out. That was the whole point of the retreat. I figured out all I have to do is get rid of Rajen’. This ‘I’ is Rajen’s voice.

So, the voice which is speaking in our heads is the voice of the ego, is this voice. No matter how well, how helpful it is pretending to be.

And the misconception also can be ‘Okay, but then… ‘Oh, I am Rajen. How do I get rid of Rajen?’ No, you're not; you're Consciousness, you are Being pretending to be a person.

And when we speak from the right now, from the right here, then we cannot speak personally. Because there is no person right here, right now. There is nothing to be done, in this moment.

But you have the power as Consciousness itself to pretend to be this non-entity.

So now as I wait for questions, and I wait for all that you want to speak about, I’ll be wondering whether you're still pretending to be this non-entity, or if you're willing to just look and find that:

Only I am here. There is no person here.

OCTOBER 21

USE THOUGHTS WHICH STILL GET BELIEF FOR INQUIRY

So then the question arises, saying ‘Okay, now I find that I do not suffer without being identified, without believing my thought. So how do I now just withdraw this belief?’

And we will find that when we’re open, after we've been in satsang for some time, we see that ‘Yes, it is allowed to just come and go’. So then it seems that we find that there is still an identity that seems to be the one that the thoughts are talking to. So, it could be the work identity, it could be the seeker identity, it could be the husband identity. But usually, after this pointing is clear, then you will not find that it is ‘everything’ like it was in the past. It's a few things which still seem to hold a lot of meaning or held a lot of meaning for us in the past.

So when it comes like this… to take an example, the thought could be ‘I should work harder’. Now we find that belief comes and are IN it, easily. ‘I'm just trying to make something happen; push life; do things’. All of this comes.

Then it is these kind of thoughts to use in your inquiry. So ‘I must work harder’.

Who is this ‘I’? So, who is this ‘I’ who must work harder?

So, if I say ‘Prove me wrong, and tell me how it exists’.

“This kind of state, my whole body becomes tense including the mind also. My thought is of work; taking my business and all the spheres of my involvement. So at that time; when I think about it, or pressurize myself.”

You stress out, mind seems overactive, fear seems to come; all of this is happening. But who is the ‘I’ that must work harder? Because the mind will try to do everything to avoid this question also. It tries to deflect it. But the inquiry must come to this point where you SEE: there is no doer, there is no ‘I’ here to work harder. So can we find the ‘I’ which must do anything at all?

“I can't find it.”

can't find it. Yet there is some belief in it?

“Without my knowing…”

But, we only have the now. What happens is the mind says ‘It's okay, I'm in satsang now. But what about when I'm back?’ But we only always have the now. Whenever this is seen, that again this false-doer identity took over, whenever it is seen like that, then you inquire. Say ‘Who is this ‘I’ that got believed in?’

Because life will give you those opportunities. No matter what the mind is saying; if you want the truth, then it will not be that life does not give you those opportunities at all.

So whenever you are in that moment, keep yourself there, and say ‘Who? But who is this ‘I’? The ‘I’ that must solve the problem, who is this one?’ [Silence]

All through the retreat we were talking like this. And we said that we’re sitting here and then we hear this voice that ‘You want a good lunch. Make sure you start telling the cook what you want right now’. You hear the voice, and say ‘yes, yes’ and run around trying to make it happen, that we want a good lunch. And we gave this voice a name. We said ‘This is Rajen’s voice’.

We said ‘But who wants a good lunch? Can we find this entity?’ Nobody here; nobody is there. You see?

So, we said it's as if there is a secret speaker in the room [like a tv or radio speaker component] who is saying ‘This is what you must do. This is what you must do. This is how you must do it’. Who is speaking? We don't know. But ‘If you don't do it, who is going to do it? My lunch is now messed up’.

It is saying ‘I want to be successful’. (I'm not saying there's anything wrong with success, by the way. That is clear to you.)

So, I'm just saying that if we cannot find out who is the one who is saying that ‘This is the way I have to do it’ … And who is the one it is talking to? We say ‘If I don't do it, then who else will?’ Whose thoughts are these that are telling you what to do?

If they are your own thoughts, do you need a thought to communicate with yourself? That doesn't sound like it. You need a mode of communication only to another one.

God knows how to run your business.

OCTOBER 22

I CAN FIND NO DIFFERENCE FROM THIS ONE THAT STAYS

“There are three things which are causing a bit of confusion. One is about this ‘I am just here now; no past, no expectation, no fear; just here’. It's a very agitated kind of a state. Then on Tuesday when you mentioned about just that knowing of Being, the Presence of ‘I Am’.”

Knowing of the feeling; knowing that the Presence of ‘I Am’ is here.

“Yes. Earlier if it felt as if it was a mild remission of the mind and the body and everything. And I ended up with the feeling that there is still something that says… it's undefinable. And there was this confusion in what I was hearing. Are they the same?”

Yes. So the second one was that ‘I Am’ is getting clearer. Earlier it felt like it was all made up of thoughts and the body, but now I can see that the Presence ‘I Am’ is here. Not ‘see’ like perceive; [more like] sense.

So, we should take it one by one. So what is the confusion about this one?

“One is just here and now; it is a meditative thing. It's just a very nice place to be, but ...”

But what leaves there now?

“It's just when thought comes or something, or that….”

Even then, it is only that our attention is now going to the thoughts or the imagination or the memories which the mind is bringing up. But actually, only THAT left the now. Even that did not leave, but just for the sake of conversation you can say that actually even whatever is appearing right now is always just in the now.

So, the only thing that can actually leave the now, (which seems like it leaves the now), is that the mind is bringing content of the past and future, or content about the past or future. So the now is never really left.

“[Inaudible]… the very experience in hearing…can I stick with one of them?”

Yes, any. All of this. Actually you can take a few sentences, even just one pointing, and stay with that. Because satsang is just pointing to the same thing in different, different, different, different ways. Whatever appeals to anyone. … [short internet blackout].

It can seem as the stages might happen, (but it doesn't have to go the same way for everyone), that first there is too much reliance on thought, initially. That reliance seems to go. So that is the first step for many. ‘The thoughts are coming and going. I'm not so concerned about what is happening’. So then we feel like our level of suffering, our level of resistance has come to much lower than what is was earlier.

Then it is usually seen that this Presence, I-Am-ness, becomes clearer and clearer. When thought activity is too much and we are going along with it, then not many can truly report the Presence I Am or sense or perceive the Presence I Am.

Then it can come that ‘Yes, I sense this ‘I Am’, but this ‘I’ which knows even ‘I Am’ is prior even to the ‘I Am’. To ‘This’ even the ‘I Am’ is coming and going.

And This One, I seem to be inseparable from. I can find no distance, no separateness from this One; because this is the One that stays. It's always here.

Speaker: “And when just hearing, then it still feels that the hearing is here, but there's still some distance between me and the …”

And this distance is the same distance between even the ‘I’ that knows the ‘I Am’. You say ‘It seems like there's still some distance between me and the experience of something’.

“Yes.”

Now, this is the same seeming-distance between the ‘I’ which is Awareness Itself, and the Being I Am, who everything is experienced here, on the level of Beingness. And that is also seen. So that is the distance between it.

So, if you can see what is at the end point of the distance: So, if one end is just this ‘I’ which is looking, which is seeing, which is knowing… and then there's the sense of experiencing, doing, Being; all of that is happening. That is seen. That is exactly what we are pointing to. That it is the Being, in this phenomenal play it is the Being, which seems to be the experiencer of all things. And the knowing remains untouched by whatever the mind presents.

“Thank you.”

[Namaste]

It can seem like this; that first there is this relief from suffering, a lot more spaciousness, a lot more freedom seems to be here. Then it might come, the insight that I Am This Presence that I Am. I am this Being Itself.

And then we might see that ‘I’ sees even ‘I Am’. And when we come to this point that this ‘I’ sees even ‘I Am-ness’ then we can truly say ‘There is no distance, no separation, between that which sees and that which is seen. We find that all is made up of this ‘I’ Itself.

So we must not actually be in a rush to come to this ultimate perspective, because we might hear these reports many times that ‘Everything is just this One, and there is no difference between the seeing and the seen’. But if it does not ring true yet, don't worry about it; stay with it as you're going.

It might also be the other way around for some; where the Oneness is experienced first and the Awareness seems to be everything first, and then the sense of Being, the sense of Consciousness, the discovery of God comes. And then the sense of ‘It is only the thoughts which are causing this trouble’.

So it doesn't have to go in one particular way. We’re saying that usually it seems to happen like this.

OCTOBER 23

BEFORE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING TO BE FREE, YOU ARE FREE

Actually freedom is a lot simpler than any mind can imagine. It's a lot simpler than that. A lot of the ideas we might still have about freedom, it is even simpler than that. We don't have to feel anything, we don't have to think anything, we don't have to believe anything, we don't have to practice anything, we don't have to go anywhere. And also in doing any of these, it makes no difference; it makes no difference to freedom. It's prior to any of this. Before you can do anything to be free, you are free. Even in the pretend bondage of personhood, you are free.

And the mind will come and say ‘Then, what? This doesn't help me. What am I supposed to do? I want to be free’. This is the pretend-game that I am talking about.

You are already that which the mind is saying that you must get to. What is the starting point of where you are, what you are? We’ll look at that. Before we start the walk, the destination is different from the different from the starting point; do we know this?

‘I'm going towards freedom’.

From where?

You cannot get out of your freedom.

Then you say ‘But I don't feel free’.

Who is the ‘I’ who feels?

‘I still don't think I'm free?’

Who knows of thoughts?

How is this one bound?

It's just some sort of a hypnosis, that we have believed ourselves to be that which never existed. But when we look, we look, we look; we don't find. And yet we want to give freedom to that one which we cannot find. Who can do this? [Chuckles]

Nobody has ever been able to achieve this. It's only… when they proclaim that this has happened, then it is only part of the delusion itself. And a fairly nasty part of the delusion. When the pretend person is pretending to be free person, it is as much of a delusion as the pretend person itself. Nobody; no way that you can ever make this non-existent one free. Isn't it? When I'm saying it, it seems like the most obvious thing. Why does it even need to be said? And yet, this is what this whole seeming-journey is about.

So all that is actually happening in satsang, which is all part of the play, (which actually this makes no difference to the player, but as part of the play), is it is now dropping all of this identity; it is dropping this pretend person. So, every day, That's all we've been doing; just going ‘hammer and thongs’ at this identity which we cannot find.

But the voice of the identity… this is the magic trick. If there is a trick, it is only this… that there seems to be a voice which is proclaiming the separate one. And this one will protest strongly. This one is there on protest: ‘But I don't see it’. The voice inside saying ‘Oh, I don't feel it. You are different than I am still. Why can't I be more like you?’ This kind of thing can come. Who is saying it?

They never tell you in a video game also; sometimes they do, but mostly they don't tell you who the narrator is. [Smiles]

Whose mouth is speaking those words which we are hearing as thought?

We’re perceiving thought, but who is speaking those words?

Whose mouth are they coming from?

It's tricky initially because we've had this voice seemingly forever. The experts say that it starts at 2, 2-1/2 years, when the body is 2-1/2 years old. And it's not going anywhere.

So can we at least experiment and see if we can, at least for a day or two [check]: What happens if I don't believe this voice?

The voice is saying ‘Oh, it's going to mess up my life. I'm just going to not do anything. I've been doing so well otherwise’.., with the voice ‘that even for a day or two, I can't leave it’. ‘Isn't that the one or two days I was planning to move the…’ [Laughs]

That's all I say. Just see what happens. [Silence]

Who is speaking the words of thought?

And who is hearing the words of thought?

Some of you say ‘I need my thought’. If it is your thought, you should already know what it is going to say. If it is coming from you, then why do you need thought to understand what it is saying?

And now, in the last few years, we've seen all the tricks that the mind can play to pretend to be you.

Who are you without your thoughts?

What is here prior to thought?

Who says ‘There is thought and there is no thought?’

Who are you without any appearance?

Let thought say whatever it wants.

Let feelings be whatever they want.

Who are they affecting?

And how?

And as you start to look, you will see that nothing is ever affected, no matter which feeling or thought comes. Nothing is ever really hurt. Nothing is even concerned. And we’re not saying anything metaphysical, esoteric, even spiritual; we’re just saying what is here now. Don't even need to label it as spirituality, Advaita. It's just a group of friends who are here and looking at what is going on.

And as we look more and more like this, you will find that it is laughable that ‘I believed myself to be that which I just cannot find now; and every time I look, I don't find. Therefore could it be that it never existed?’

Never existed. This person, identity was never real.

Now, see for yourself what you are going to present yourself to be. Who are you going to be reporting as? And see how that whole process works.

From this moment, you are nothing. No-thing. Let's see what we present ourselves to be; and how does that happen?

This is the power of the Truth.

It is always true, in every moment.

OCTOBER 26

‘WHAT MUST I DO?’ IS NEVER A VALID QUESTION

Nothing can resist life. Even when it feels like ‘Oh, I am resisting life’ it's not possible. Just like when I used to say, (I used to say very often earlier), ‘The twig, the small twig, is trying to control the flow of the river’. Life is moving along its own merry way. And this twig, less than a twig, says ‘How do I control the flow of the stream? It's too much, it's too fast. I need to slow it down’. What will it do? Only in thoughts; if a twig could think, this would be the twig thoughts. The twig is suspended over the river, and it's thinking ‘Oh, the river is going left, so I’ll move more to the left, not right’.

And how do we resist? Only through thought. Only, only, only through thought. Specifically through believing thought.

[Laughter] You couldn't resist life. The plan was to sit on the sofa. ‘Why can I not? I can, I will. I’ll show you’. Why not? Because it doesn't exist. Because the twig doesn't exist. [Laughs]. What are we talking about? The imaginary twig thinking it can do some controlling of the river is the funny thing that we talk about every day. ‘What must I do? What must I do? Where must I go?’

“How to stop?”

How to stop? To see this. To see this to be true is then to withdraw the belief from this that is false. Because to stop also means that I did have the power to do something. We’re only thinking this.

This experiment came to me. On the weekend, on the plane or somewhere, this experiment came to me, and I said ‘Okay, I will imagine breathing deeply but actually I will breathe very fast’. I couldn't do it. Imagine breathing deeply, and breathe very fast at the same time. Can you do it? [Laughter] It doesn't happen. Imagination should be a separate faculty from this that is doing. [Laughs] Yes. ‘Not for those who have gone completely beyond’. Just to see, this doesn't happen.

What does it mean? Does it mean that all our doing has been just imagining?

“It's not even our doing.”

Exactly. That's what I'm saying, that it's just this doing which is happening here; there's this imagined one that takes hold of it, and says ‘This I did’.

So then, what to do? It can come like this, ‘Then how do I stop?’ That is also another variant of ‘What to do?’ What to do? ‘Yes, yes, I see what you say in satsang; I'm completely fine. Once I go out, what to do?’ And we pick up this ‘I’. Doer-ship is the most popular way of picking up the ‘I’.

Just look at how this happens. We see nobody here, and yet this nobody wants to do something. [Laughs] Nobody here. But then we can say ‘Yes, but I find … (okay, few of you will actually say this in sincerity)… ‘Yes, but I find Beingness is here, I find Consciousness is here. What must Consciousness do?’ It's God’s problem. What God is doing is God’s problem. So, even in this subtle way we can pick up the ‘I’. ‘Now I am God, so tell me what God should do’. That is even more ludicrous, because the One that is running all of this show, that is making evolution, gravitation, electricity, light, sound, millions and millions of processes happen like this, doesn't need to come here and ask ‘What should I do next?’ So truly there is no concept of ‘What do I do next?’ from either. ‘Person’ because ‘person’ doesn't exist; God because God doesn't need help, and who will help God?

“The imaginary twig.”

The imaginary twig. [Laughs] ‘I’ll become super-God, God of Gods’. So now, we see this. How many of us see this?

“Intellectually.”

Intellectually. This is another trick of the mind that ‘Intellectually, I understand’. And then I say ‘Okay, what is intellectually understood, correlate that with what you see, and tell me the difference. Without painting past or future’.

So we can, as we go more and more towards the discovery of who we are, then there comes a point that when we’re talking about doer-ship or non-doer-ship, we see ‘What's this about? Whose doer-ship?’ But for those who still have some sense that there is an individual doer present here, who are still struggling with seeming decision-making, then these words must be checked. ‘What must I do?’ always carries the misinterpretation of the ‘I’. ‘What must I do?’ is never a valid question.

OCTOBER 27

SUFFERING IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR INQUIRY

Yesterday before the internet got cut off, I was going around asking everyone: “Are you suffering? Can you say that you are still suffering?” So, going right to the Hangout now, let's go one by one.

“Whenever there is belief in thought, that is the only time there is something. When there is no belief, then there is no suffering. It's only the mind which causes it; and when you let go of it, then it's not there, Father. So, it comes and goes. I have to say honestly, very honestly, in my seeing, there are moments when there is suffering, then there are moments when there is no suffering. When there is suffering, I am identifying with something, Father.”

This is good. Already you see that the only way you can bring on this suffering, that you can be miserable, is to believe your thoughts. So let's look deeper now. But is there a ‘me’ that is suffering?

“So this ‘me’ that is suffering is imagined, Father. It's an imagined ‘me’. And the other day… I've been doing the inquiry that you told me, which was ‘How do I know that I'm aware?’ and I've been doing that, you know, it's been coming up. And it's funny, a few days ago when I was doing that, the sense of ‘I’ just fell away for a while. And I was looking for this ‘I’. I was saying ‘Where was this ‘I’? And the ‘me’ seems to have less hold of me, in a sense, if you know what I mean. The ‘me’ is a lot less. It's again a thought. The ‘me’ is also a thought.”

Very good. Even feebler than imagination. At least with some imagination we can come up with some definitive attributes. But for the ‘me’, even in imagination we are not definitive. You see? So even feebler than imagination is this idea of ‘me’.

And no ‘me’ means no suffering. Therefore it is only an idea we have had but which feels attacked in any life situation; which feels like something needs to be done. And in this way, some seeming resistance to ‘what is’ can arise. This is what is suffering. With no resistance, no ‘me’, no ego; no suffering.

And we don't truly resist also; we can't truly resist also. Resistance is also in the mind. Resistance is also just a belief.

“It's funny, Father, sometimes the body is doing something that you don't want it to do, like it's reacting to someone where you have said ‘No, I don't want it to react in that way’. But the body’s actually still reacting in that way. And at those times, it's getting a bit tricky, because you're saying ‘Okay, I'm not reacting like that’ but the appearance is still reacting in that sense. And so in the external world, it seems like there's suffering. But internally, it's not as bad. there's still some suffering because there's still some identification with that; but it's not as bad as it would be if I was totally identified with what the body was doing.”

This is very good. So, instead of having this connotation that when suffering comes, it's something bad. Identification still remains. If it would not come, you would never look at it, you see? So when suffering comes, is it possible to have a sense of gratitude about it? I know it sounds funny when I say this. If not at that moment, at least later? Can we be thankful and grateful and say ‘Thank you, God, for showing me that I'm still identified as this one. Thank you for this opportunity to inquire. Thank you for this opportunity to See; that just like all the identifications that have been dropped now in my pure Seeing, this identification also now is being dropped’.

Then even we can say that the rising of suffering we are not resisting; because there can be a subtle resistance to suffering itself, which then seems to deepen the sense of suffering.

“Actually, every moment of suffering, Father, in a way it leads you to inquiry. Right? And every time there is a suffering, there's a lot of gratitude there for the suffering because it's pointing me directly to where I'm still identified, and what I'm holding onto, and what identity. So there's a lot of gratitude even for the person who seemingly made me suffer, in that sense, because without that, I don't see this. So it's like a flashlight That's pointing the direction to where my identity lies, Father. And there's a lot of gratitude for that suffering.”

Yes, for those who are open to the discovery that they don't exist, for those who are open to the discovery that they don't exist, then every opportunity like this is used for inquiry. For those who are still playing with the desire to become something, the desire to become more and more something, then when this comes, then you can also reinforce the identity and say ‘Okay, I did not work hard enough. Next time I'm going to work harder. I will show them all what I truly am’. This also can come, also triggered by the same suffering. So for those who are open to the truth of non-existence individually, then this is an opportunity for inquiry. But the same situation can be taken very egoistic-ly. It can become some crusade, you see?

But eventually, I feel that all of us come to this point of questioning ‘Who I am’. Who is suffering? And when the question starts shifting away from the content of what is being experienced to ‘Who is it that is experiencing it?’ then this seeming-journey of Self-realization cannot be called even a journey. As soon as we start switching the question away from ‘Why am I suffering from this particular appearance?’ to ‘Who is the one that is suffering?’ then actually there's hardly any journey left. All this imagined journey is dropped. But as long as there is a sense that the content must change and then suffering will go, then this journey can seem infinitely long. It can even be as subtle as saying that ‘When I experience bliss continually, then I will be free’. Again, about the content; again, about phenomenon.

So as long as our parameters, our benchmarks, are based on what is appearing or not, this itself is the doorway to suffering.

So, it is very auspicious for those of you who can say that ‘When suffering comes, then I use it as an opportunity to inquire’.

Not inquire into ‘Why does it come?’ Many of you get stuck in the inquiry about ‘Why does this happen to me all the time? What pattern am I repeating? What is it here that is projecting this?’ And although these are nice questions, (they're better than just the purely worldly questions), still they are not enough yet.

Most important is to simply check: ‘Who is this appearance coming for? Who is experiencing this?’ for whatever the feeling, thought, emotion, sensation might be. ‘What does the experiencer look like?’ Can you truly say it is suffering? Without relying on any thought, without this voice of this interpreter, can you ever truly say that it is suffering? Is it your direct Seeing?

So if all that you hear in today’s satsang is that the tendency of the mind to keep you focused on the content of the appearance, and keep you away from the checking ‘Who it is appearing to’… and you don't fall into this trap as often, then this itself, satsang would be worthwhile.

And many times, many of you come and you report that ‘All that is here is this feeling, this emotion, these thoughts; all that is here is this’. But the question is: ‘Isn't there a You also who is experiencing all of this?’ If it was just this, then who would be concerned about it? So it must be that these energies are there, and it must be that there is a You that is experiencing.

And that is the trouble, that you feel that you should not be experiencing, without investigating the nature of this ‘I’, the nature of this ‘me’.

So, if I were to say one day in satsang that ‘We’ll speak nothing about the content which is appearing. Let's only speak about the Witness of the content’. That would be a very short satsang, Isn't it? Because what is there that we can say?

Actually, what I'm saying is that all our time and energy goes into ‘this content, this content, this is appearing, this is appearing, this is disappearing’. So, can it be that for a fraction of this time, we can spend on just looking at ‘To whom is this appearing?’

This is rare. Because most of the time which people seem to be spending in the looking, the inquiry, they are just playing games with their mind. ‘Who am I? …waiting for the answer to come’. Because the looking is something just so natural, so obvious. So, it seems like ‘Oh, I'm just inquiring, inquiring’ where it can seem like a great badge of honor, but actually we’re just playing games with the mind.

Okay, so you look now. Suppose you were talking about yourself. So then, look now. Look for the Witness or the Witnessing. [Silence] Clear? Then what is there to spend so much time on the ‘looking, looking…?’ Is it like that?

I am not denying the content. I am only denying the interpreter. So, when something is arising, we must look at it. But what I recommend we get in denial about is what our interpreter is saying about it. So, we've used the power of denial to resist what is. This is what I say every day. ‘What is’ includes the appearance of ‘what is’. But we have not used denial to deny what the interpreter is saying. We got used to taking that to be the truth.

So when it comes to emotion, sensation, all of this, we’re very quick to say ‘Oh, this emotion of pain should go; this emotion of pain should go and it should be replaced by some bliss, some joy’. So, when we are in that, then is that not being focused on the content?

Instead, can we look: Is the one that is experiencing the content, is that one coming from the content only, or still the same ‘Rajan’ [ego/interpreter] also? That is what is being sensed.

In any question, if there is enjoyment of ‘what is’ then let it just flow very naturally and no question really comes. The question really comes mostly from either the suffering sense, that ‘I am suffering and I want to be free from it’ or this deep urge to figure out who I am. Because if there is truly enjoyment of whatever is, then it could be that even that Master is saying something that is complete nonsense… (It could be like that; like I've said, I'm holding up no standard of the truth or something like that), so it could seem like he’s speaking complete nonsense, but I'm just sitting here in so much joy. This is acceptance of ‘what is’.

So the point is that: Are we willing to look simply… (especially when some content seems bothersome; especially in those times)… are we willing to look at… look for the real experiencer of Consciousness itself? Is it struggling with any of this?

This is what I'm pointing to. Find out: (any sensation, any emotion),

Can you really say that Consciousness is the suffer-er?

Can we See that Consciousness has ample space for any of these experiences, and truly cannot be hurt by any of this?

OCTOBER 28

SEPARATE ENTITY IS PROJECTION OF PAST AND FUTURE

From the right now, all that we have to do to be miserable is to invent some trouble. How are we going to do it? [Laughs] Because right now, no trouble. This much is for sure. Right in this moment, even if the strongest emotions or feelings might be experienced, there is actually no trouble. Because right now no separate entity.

Separate entity is always the projection of the past and future.

So when I said ‘We will invent something if we want to be miserable’ then it is always this projection. Projection of ‘me’ is not the real Me. Itself it means when they say ‘projection’ it is not the real.

Because what is here right now is the Supreme God.

Sometimes, when these words come, we say ‘But it's too much. Can we keep it more regular?’ No, but sometimes we can say: What is here right now is only the Supreme God Himself, Herself.

And what game is It going to play? Is it going to play the suffering game or the freedom game or the joy game, the awakening game, the story game, the relationship game, or the money game?

Which game will You-as-Consciousness pick now?

OCTOBER 29

EVEN THIS BREAK IS IN SERVICE TO ALL OF YOU

[Ananta announced that he will be taking a break from the regular Monday through Friday, 3 hour each satsangs for the month of November and December]

Only two more satsangs before the break. I already feel that there's nothing else to say. Yesterday some nostalgia was coming, and I was saying that I've been sharing since 2013; the end of 2013. And something was feeling like just a satsang machine operating. So it felt good to have some break, rest this body, and family has been asking for time as well.

So these two days that we have now, let's see if we can come up with… if there has to be something to come up with… let's see if we can come up with what we’re truly representing now. Because if I meet Myself, then that is not tiring for me. But if I meet a representation of some imagination, it is the convincing of this imagined drop in the ocean that it is the ocean itself that seems to become a strain on some energies here. So, if we come, then let Me meet Myself, in all the interactions of Me.

[Silence]

No teacher will ever want that all those beloved children should be so dependent on his form that they are taking away from what he’s actually been pointing to for so long.

So what I've always been saying, and what all Masters have been saying is that the true Master is your own Presence, your own Heart. Satguru is always with you; cannot leave you. You see? And this body [points to his body] is always in service to that Satguru. And I've always said also that this body is always in service to those that are devoted to the truth.

I feel intuitively that… there's a sense here that this break will be good for all of us. Because a little bit of this ‘rubber hitting the road’ is also important. Otherwise it can just seem like then this becomes just coming to satsang and hearing the same words, the same pointing over and over which can also be something that becomes a habit.

So now we have the opportunity to see how much of whatever has been heard, (some of you have been here 2 years, some of you a few months, but still…), I feel enough has been given for us to digest. So it is very good for us to have this little bit of a sense of a break from this regular satsang. Truly, truly, truly I am always in service to all of you. I feel that even this break is in service to all of you.

I got some messages yesterday like ‘I don't know what's going to happen’ and ‘I'm scared’. I feel there is so much satsang which is available for you now. And it cannot be that you can put on a satsang which was here in this Presence and not experience the same Presence. Unless you let your mind get in the way. there's enough. I feel there's more than enough, like 500 or 600 recordings now over the last two years. And we've examined every aspect of what is meaningful to examine, meaningful to contemplate.

And with some of them..., Amaya for example knows really well which transcript has some points about this or that or questions that come. She can help you, she can point you to the transcripts, to the satsang recordings.

But truly, truly the point is that this is not meant to be a ‘forever rehab’. [Smiles] The point of coming to rehab is to come to rehab and get free from identity and to be free.

It's a joy; you're always welcome to come; so it doesn't mean that the doors will be closed. But it is not meant to make you dependent on satsang. Satsang is not meant to make you a follower.

Is your attachment based on only being in the physical Presence? I love being with you. But is my love for you only dependent on the fact that you show up here? It cannot be just that.

And my feeling is that it's not a forever thing. I'm not saying ‘never any more satsang’. Just for a month at least, it seems very clear; or 2 months most likely. You know I'm not a fan of any declarations, proclamations. Whatever flows naturally.

OCTOBER 30

GET USED TO THE SILENCE

Namaste, everyone. A very warm welcome to satsang today. Satguru Moojiji ki Jai!

It would be interesting to contemplate that if this was the last satsang ever, not just for the break, then what would I say; if there was no more satsang after this? And after all of this 500 or 600 or whatever we've had; then after all of these, the final satsang, what would I say?

Absolutely nothing.

Because no idea, no concept, not even the best pointings are about you actually. They are just that; just pointings. But you cannot truly even point to the Self. Just as I would not say anything, you must also not buy any idea, story, concept, belief about yourself.

Get used to the silence. Sometimes it can be that satsang and the pointings in satsang itself also give us some sense of personal existence. So utilize this opportunity of silence to get used to this silence of your own Being. Complete silence; where it is not that appearances are not allowed, or something is being resisted, it's only that everything is just allowed to come and go. This silence which is completely open, not closed.

In all of these satsangs, I have not said anything about you. Just pointed some arrows, saying ‘This way, look this way. Don't go that way, come this way. Walk with me this way’. But what is found, (and I know it is found for many of you), what is found is that which we cannot speak about. No word is enough to capture this. We can try. We can saying ‘Knowing, Awareness, the Absolute Itself, the Ultimate’. All these words we use. But does it really capture the essence of this, which is no-thing? It is no-thing, and yet it is That from which everything comes.

Just in the same way that all of you trust me, in the same way I must trust that the words that have been shared here, the pointings which have been shared here have taken you to this point of Seeing directly what you are.

And I know that this habit, a seeming-personal habit of presenting ourselves personally, this is sticky. So I'm not saying it will never happen to any of you. But I do know that it is not possible for it to have the strength that it used to. All the food, all the nutrition for you to let go of this habit has already been provided to you; and the digesting is also happening.

What has flowed from here over the last couple of years is a movement toward simplification and demystification of that which seemed so complex, that which seemed so difficult to get; a simplification and demystification of enlightenment or liberation. And I feel that it is excellent that it has been able to flow like this in the simplest possible ways. Every aspect of this has been looked at. we've looked at all the concepts right from Awareness to Consciousness to the idea of the ‘person’ and all its many attributes, specifically doer-ship and specialness. Together we have contemplated into all of these. Directly looked. Discarded that which was just an idea, and remained as that which is here, always. And in this Seeing, for many of us, suffering has become a laughable concept. Because the concept of the suffer-er itself has become so alien.

I'm so grateful to all of you for your love, your trust, your devotion. And I can with all integrity say that it has not been misplaced. Because the voice which speaks from here is the voice of Your Presence. So this love, this trust, this devotion will be your armor against any attack of the mind, so don't buy into any of this… that without this one or two months of satsang something will change. I'm right there with you as Your own Presence, closer than close. This is our most intimate play, our truest relationship; independent of forms, independent of words. [Silence]

This Presence is shining. Your Presence is shining. Let this light of your own Being guide all appearances that are appearing for You. Your Presence is blessing this entire realm, it is creating this entire realm, and everything is moving with Your grace, with Your blessing. Don't believe otherwise. Nothing inauspicious; nothing but the will of God is ever happening.

Whatever the appearance might be in this appearing world, don't resist. Whatever the appearance might be in the seeming inside, (thoughts, memories, imagination), don't resist. All sensations, emotions, energies, feelings; let them be. There is no one here to be hurt. There is nobody inside this body. Everything including this body is inside Your Presence, Your Being. Don't allow this trickster voice to confuse, delude you anymore. Because you are here; that means something is done with this play.

I've given you The Master Key to be free from all suffering. And even if it seems like it is effort, like it's the hardest thing that you can ever do, even if you're believing this, then put this effort to not believe your next thought. And you will find the sense of it being effort was completely false. And don't follow this pointing believing that it will bring you to some freedom.

The starting point is freedom.

You are free now.

The only thing that is happening is the dropping of the pretense of ‘personhood’ by not believing the next thought.

You are the Self,

You are Free,

You are the Light.

You are Home.

For too long you have pretended to be the ‘non-existent one’.

That which is Here is You.

That which needs belief can never exist.

That which is not found is not real.

What cannot leave?

When we leave everything aside, what can't be left aside?

You Are That.

And That has no problems; that has no concern. It has not even a sense of control over anything.

Don't pick up the ‘me’. Don't pick up the individual ‘I’. This power rests with you completely as Consciousness. Don't believe otherwise. Don't say ‘As a person, I can do nothing’. There is no person. You have never been a person.

You have always been Consciousness.

Ultimately you have always been That which is Aware even of Consciousness.

You are this ocean of existence.

And some of you are still pretending to be the drop in this ocean. And that is your choice as Consciousness. But know that it is a lie. Know that it is a lie; it can never be true.

God cannot lose Himself.

I hope all of you are COMPLETELY tired of the lie. It is my blessing to you that you will be completely tired of the pretense.

We have been blessed by the suffering which has brought us here. It has been a great blessing. And we are blessed by the suffering which is making us more and more open. It might sound strange but as your teacher and your friend, I am grateful for this suffering if it is appearing for you because it is burning all that is false. Let it burn! Everything that can be burnt, let it burn. Don't try to rescue anything. Only the false can be burnt.

May all doer-ship, may all arrogance, may all specialness, may everything that pops up this idea of ‘me’ be burnt in the fire of this satsang. May all be gone in the fire of Your Guru-ship, either in the Presence or in the devotion; and if you're not willing to let them go here, then in your suffering itself.

Your own Presence is causing this movement of this dissolution of all that is false. Don't resist anything. If this entire Universe has to burn, crashes; let it burn. It cannot touch You. You are That from which the light of the creation of all the realms arises.

Are you not done playing this game?

You are That in which the Supreme Lord is born.

What is attractive in the ‘person-person’?

Don't touch the person.

Listen to this voice which is coming from Your own Presence, and don't buy any story from the mind. No matter how attractive, how true it might seem, it is not. Because it is still referring to you as this bucket of flesh, blood and bones. And this is maya, you see? ..., how the Supreme Lord has the power to pretend to be this bucket of flesh, blood and bones. He himself has created this hypnosis of thoughts. No idea, no thought, no story you will have. Get used to it, and you will find that there is so much joy in this being without any story.

Even if it feels uncomfortable for a while to drop all your stories. I know initially it can seem like it is some sort of a limbo state, and the fear will come ‘I don't know what will happen to my life. Am I going in the right direction?’ (as if we've always gone in the right direction in the past). Just this little bit of fear tries to pull you back. Not even the fear but the interpretation that ‘This is what the fear means’. Just fuhgeddaboudit! [forget about it]. Whatever it is, fuhgeddaboudit! [Laughs]… even the story of ‘the last satsang’. In the eyes of eternity, it is nothing at all.

Actually my job has only been one; just to stand as a mirror in front of you and only ask this question: Who are you?

And a true mirror does not reflect the false. Therefore, I have not bought your stories, your ideas. Because I could not do this dis-service, I love you too much for that. Just being here as a mirror, not accepting any story, just asking who you are, is all that I have done.

And you have seen, again and again; and discarded the false. And for that, this world is very grateful. And now you know. You now know. When you pick up a false story, you know it actually. And this knowing is my gift to you. Because the same knowing which operates from here, it is now operating in all of you.

Just be wary of this thought that comes and says ‘Yes, I KNOW it now. I'm okay… [inaudible]. There is nothing in that play. There is nothing in any mental play. No joy is coming from there. And no joy is missing without the mind; no love is missing, no peace is missing without the mind. So whenever it still comes and tempts you, ‘Come, come, let's play’ … all that it can show you is only the way to misery; no matter how enlightened you believe yourself to be.

Remember that no matter where you are, whatever the situation might be, all the pointings that you've heard in satsang are completely true right here, right now, in whatever the appearance might be.

You cannot stop Being.

And You are Aware.

So, if you ask ‘Can I stop Being now?’ you may see that The Presence of God is available, at Your service. God in service to God Himself.

And when you ask: ‘Am I aware now?’ and just in the simple looking, you see: that which is here is aware now, even of the Consciousness.

This You Are, untouched by any appearance.

If it seems like a choice, like you still have a choice, don't pick up the ‘me’. Don't pick up the ‘me’. Then it will be clear to you soon that it is Grace itself which makes this choice. While it still seems like a choice, don't believe your thought, don't pick up the ‘me’. Don't try to Advaita your way out of this. Don't try to use non-doer-ship as a way out of this; it is still a mind trick. Whatever the mind might be selling, don't buy. If you buy (and everyone does; even the sages, they buy some thoughts), then you drop it. That is all. Don't believe any guilt about anything. No guilt and no proclamations. Just the simplicity of Being.

I just want to thank all of you for allowing this voice into your Heart, for opening the door to this Presence.

And most of all, the biggest gratitude, the biggest Pranams at the feet of my Master Satguru Sri Moojiji for allowing his servant, his son, to share his words.

I’ll end with what [Nisargadatta] Maharaj used to say. He said ‘Stop looking at yourself as Arjuna. Find the Krishna which is there, your own Presence. Speak as that.

Thank you so much for being in satsang. Moojiji ki Jai!

[Sangha] Jai !

All my blessings.

May you all keep shining in the light of your Presence.

eI'm right there in your Heart, as your Heart.

Love, Love, Love you all.

~ ~ ~

Thank you, Beloved Anantaji

Table of Contents

Preface

November 2014

What Does the Statement ‘You Are Not a Person’ Mean?

December 2014

The Evil Twin

Surrender and Trust is Enough

Is Consciousness Itself Doing All These Horrific Things?

Why Silence Is So Beautiful

What is the One Constant?

Can There Be Any Trouble for the Witnessing?

The Big 'A' of ‘Awareness’ and the Small 'a' of ‘appearance’

January 2015

Inner Neutrality

Satsang is the Rehab for God

What Does the ‘I’ Mean in 'Who Am I?’

Specialness of Being a Free Enlightened 'Person'

If You Check, It is ‘Game Over’ for the Mind

Seeking Has Got You to Satsang

What Can You Tell Me About Yourself Which is Not An Idea?

Who Are You Without a Single Story About Yourself?

Will the ‘Person’ Ever Dissolve?

Contemplation: Your Own Holy Presence is God Himself

Awareness Cannot Go Anywhere

There Is No Problem Without This ‘Me’

A Thought Is Always Telling You Something Is Missing

February 2015

Guided Meditation: This is God’s Body

True Love Is Not Personal. True Love Is Freedom.

The Self Has No Problem Dealing with Any Relationship

Contemplation: After Peace, What's Next?

Contemplation: A Dip in the Ganga

How Are Thoughts and Actions Connected?

You Will Lose the Ability to Suffer

Where is this Oneness?

The Wanting Of Freedom Is Pretend Bondage

Free to Feel Sad and Grumpy in Satsang

March 2015

Direct Self-Inquiry Satsang

Guided Meditation: Let Your Attention Go Completely Free

This is Openness, This is Freedom

Not a Blade of Grass Can Move Without the Will of God

April 2015

You Have Recorded This Message to Remind You of the Truth

How Should One Interact When Criticism Happens?

What is Appearing for You is Satsang

You Are That Which is Unchanging

To Get Freedom You Must Give Freedom

Freedom is That You Stop Falling for the Trick

This is Where You Keep Your Vantage Point

You ARE Awake

Bring It On! Whatever It Might Be

I'm Very Grateful Because You've Taken Everything Away

Contemplation: Throw Out Any Sense of 'I'

Freedom is the Allowing of All States

What Does a Caterpillar Have To Do To Become a Butterfly?

May 2015

What Is Satsang?

Identification Is the Belief that You Are Something

This Pain Is Not Happening to You

Suffering Causes Openness

Lack of Acceptance Causes Suffering

Core Pointings: Person – Presence – Absolute Awareness

This is the Presence

As You Let Go of Thoughts, You're Driven by Deeper Insights

The Difference Between Mind and Intuition

What If Now Is All We Have?

Do You See It As I See It?

Guided Meditation: Let All Thoughts Come and Go

Does Awareness Carry a Label Called 'Clare'?

Who is There to Feel Special?

The Sense of Being Separate

Burn All Concepts About Enlightenment

Freedom Is Not Dependent on a Particular State

Guided Meditation: Let Everything Be Exactly As It Is

The Point of Satsang: Coming to a Place of Un-associated Being

Who Comes to a Sangha?

June 2015

No Fear or Guilt About Where Attention is Going

The Truth Which Requires No Label

Contemplation: Discover That Nothing Can Touch the Pure Seeing

Don't Try To Be Enlightened. Nobody Can Do It.

Guided Meditation: The World Needs Your Presence as God

Contemplation: My Life is Yours Now

You Have Carried This Idea of ‘Me’ Long Enough

Nothing to Get, Resist or Give

Contemplation: All There Is Arises in You

Contemplation: Just Remain as I

July 2015

Contemplation: What is Beyond Death?

You Must Enjoy This Gift of Devotion

What It Means to Contemplate/Inquire: Basic Pointers

August 2015

This is All That Satsang is About

Getting Used to the Seeing

‘I Am Experiencing All This’ is the Purpose of This Existence

Truly Ask Whether I Am Done with this Play

September 2015

Isn't Awareness Just Here?

Don't Believe Your Next Thought

Looking Very Directly into This ‘I’

I Am That Which You Already Are

Free from the Concept of Freedom

Are You Done Playing With Your Mind?

Everything is Inside This Being

October 2015

There is Nothing Outside of This

We Cannot Deny that Awareness is Here

Observe Where We Are Using the Label ‘I’

And That Too Shall Pass

All Auspiciousness is With Us

Am I Willing to Throw Away My Checklist of What Freedom Should Be?

You are the Awareness Itself, the Witnessing Itself

Be Vigilant About Spiritual Ego

Guided Meditation: In Knowing This, Now You Rest

I Witness Them, They Cannot Not Witness Me

Find This Effortlessness of Being the Self

Feelings Experienced Completely Dissolve into Nothing

Can You Show Me This Seeker Identity?

This is Awareness Being Aware of Itself

Attachment is at the Root of Fear

Inquiry as a Natural Checking to See

Prayer/Blessing

This Cannot Leave You

We Cannot Suffer Without Believing This Voice

Use Thoughts Which Still Get Belief for Inquiry

I Can Find No Difference from This One That Stays

Before You Can Do Anything To Be Free, You Are Free

‘What Must I Do?’ is Never a Valid Question

Suffering is an Opportunity for Inquiry

Separate Entity is Projection of Past and Future

Even This Break is in Service to All of You

Get Used to the Silence