WHAT DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU KNOW NOTHING

What Do You Know When You Know Nothing

Book Description

Taken from online Satsangs 25th June to 21st August 2018, these simple pointings, contemplations, guided inquiries and interactions with sangha are full of Ananta’s direct insights, love and laughter.
“It is not possible to find the Absolute through conceptual or perceptual understanding. I’m pointing you to emptiness. To put one drop is to fill my cup. What does the empty cup look like? To know one thing is to know too much. What do I know when I know nothing?”

Satsang with Ananta

High above the noise and pollution of Bangalore traffic on Old Airport Road, Beings from all corners of the world gather on the top floor of a multi story building. Flowers are placed where Anantaji’s feet will be and on the altar with photos of His Master, Sri Moojiji. Incense is lit, water is poured, and the Sangha sit quietly waiting for Anantaji, or Father as most of the Sangha lovingly call Him, to enter the room. When Anantaji joins the room, the Sangha stand in reverence and respect until their Father is seated. Ananta opens His mac laptop, connects to google hangout where there are many more Sangha all around the world waiting to join in live. And Satsang begins with “Namaste everyone, a very warm welcome to satsang today, Satguru Moojiji ki Jai.”

About Ananta

Ananta gives Satsang with the blessings of his Master, Sri Mooji. He lives in Bangalore, India with his wife, son and daughter. He offers Satsang in Bangalore which is also broadcast live online in an interactive format. See website and/or Facebook for the many YouTube videos of online Satsangs, the other Ananta books, Satsang transcripts, audio recordings and general information. The Satsang schedule is usually pinned to the top of the Facebook pages.

Website: www.anantasatsang.org
Satsang with Ananta YouTube channel is: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmc83jyrwpCNBT2xywXVoLg/feed
Facebook site: https://www.facebook.com/satsangwithananta
Sangha Facebook site:https://www.facebook.com/groups/satsangwithananta
Audio recordings: https://soundcloud.com/satsangwithananta

This is the 14th book of Ananta Satsang excerpts (not including the paperback/kindle book on Amazon) taken from online Satsangs 25th June to 21st August 2018. These simple pointings, contemplations, guided inquiries and interactions with sangha are full of Ananta’s direct insights, love and laughter. Big thanks and gratitude to those who made this book possible: the video team for the Satsang recordings (thank you Dhristi and Mahesh). Thanks to the seva transcripts team for determining and typing the transcripts (thank you Tejas, Dhruva, Jyotima, Aman, Prarthana, Meera, Pankaj, Aarin, Jyotika, Drishti and Amaya). Book edited and compiled by Amaya. Cover and posting onto website by Krishna (thank you). This book has been transcribed to keep Ananta’s words as they were delivered (with minimal edits) so that his voice is heard as we read.


In deepest love and gratitude to Anantaji (affectionately called ‘Father’ by some, which seemed to just happen on its own) this book is an offering to all who are called to Truth, Self-Realization and freedom from suffering in the Presence of a True Master.

Table of Contents

  • 2About Ananta
  • 3Table of Contents
  • 6Be as You Are
  • 9Nothing in The World Has Inherent Meaning
  • 12Our Belief System Feels Completely Right to Us
  • 14You Are Already the Most Enlightened Being
  • 15The Silence of Intuition Is Also the Answer
  • 17It Is Clear That This Is I
  • 20The Deeper Knowingness
  • 23What You Are Looking for Is Where You Are Looking From
  • 26Only the Self Is
  • 27This ‘I’ Is Not A ‘Something’
  • 28One Lie of Separation Leads to Hundreds of Lies
  • 30What Convinces You Now That You Are Limited?
  • 35Now That I See There Is No ‘Me’ Then What About Me?
  • 37Is There a Relation Between Thought and Action?
  • 39Let Your Inner Stance Be Open
  • 45If Mind Doesn’t Exist, Why Do We Speak of It?
  • 45You Are Beyond Maya
  • 46What Is the Relationship of the Snake with the Rope?
  • 48A Report Without a ‘But’ at The End
  • 50All Is the Will of Consciousness
  • 51What Is Closer Than Truth?
  • 53Be Here with Me Right Now
  • 54This Beautiful ‘I Don’t Know’
  • 55Finally, There Is Only One Seeming-Problem
  • 56Seva Is Very Beautiful
  • 60Who Is Here for Real?
  • 62I Don’t Know Anything
  • 64What Benchmark Do You Set for the Truth?
  • 67Everything After This ‘I Am’ Is a Story
  • 68Either Own Nothing or Own Everything
  • 71Going from Half-Surrender to Full-Surrender
  • 73Outward Silence Can Also Be a Pretense
  • 75Confusing the Inferences of the Mind to Be Intuition
  • 76Clinging Is Suffering
  • 80Awareness Is Not A Concept
  • 85What Is Not Apparent to You Right Now?
  • 86How Can You Say Me and Mine?
  • 89‘Guru Kripa Kevalam’ Is Also a Concept
  • 91You Are Perceiving What You Are Conceiving
  • 96You Cannot Take the ‘Lie’ Into the Next Moment
  • 97What Will an Answer Give to You?
  • 99True Knowledge Is Just the Dropping of the False
  • 102Allow the Shakiness in ‘Not Knowing’ to Play Out
  • 104What Is the Trouble with This ‘I’?
  • 109Empty of Concepts, You Can’t Miss the Truth
  • 110Is This Being an Experience?
  • 111What Makes You Confirm Awareness?
  • 112You Are Beyond Duality
  • 115Can You Leave Yourself Un-defined?
  • 116What Is the Idea of Freedom?
  • 117Can You Stop Being?
  • 119No Concept Can Capture the Truth
  • 121One Moment of Notionless Existence
  • 123What Story Can’t You Do Without?
  • 125Don’t Know the Truth Because Knowing Messes It Up
  • 126True Knowing Is Beyond the Concepts
  • 127If You Don’t Know ‘What’ Then All You Know is ‘That’
  • 130The Idea of ‘Me’ Is Miserable
  • 132Surrender the Surrender-er
  • 136Reincarnation
  • 138If Truth Has Always Been, It Must Be Here Now
  • 140Receive with Simplicity Everything That Life Gives You
  • 141The Master Has Said ‘It Is Done’
  • 142To Try to Know Is Ignorance
  • 144The Best Gift Is to Meet Yourself Empty of Concepts Right Now
  • 149Expectations Can Get in the Way of Truth
  • 151Trying to Answer ‘Why’ Is a Compelling Addiction
  • 154Satsang Is the Company of The Truth
  • 155Who Is It That I Truly Am?
  • 158Without Identification You Can’t Suffer
  • 162Seva Is Very Beautiful
  • 163Aham Asmi Brahmasmi: I Am All There Is
  • 164To Conceptualize Is Only a Struggle
  • 167The Fruit of Meditation Is Simple Openness
  • 168Tvam Karta Tvam Bhokta: You Are the Doer and the Experiencer
  • 170It’s Too Simple for the Mind to Comprehend
  • 174To Get Freedom, We Have to Give Freedom
  • 175Father, What Is Your Experience of the World?
  • 176To Be Happy, You Don’t Need Anything
  • 184To Not-Know Is Better
  • 187True Knowledge Is the Dropping of the False
  • 188Don’t Doubt
  • 190It’s Already Dropped
  • 193Mind Is Losing Its Ground
  • 193What Is It That Is Without an Opposite?
  • 195A Contemplation on Separation
  • 199The One Who Wants Is Just a Made-up Idea
  • 200The Dissolution of Concepts Is Satsang
  • 203Neutrality Is Not a Refuge but Our Abode
  • 205Is-ness Cannot Be Captured in Any Statement
  • 206Forget That You Know What the ‘I’ Thought Is
  • 207I’m Just Pointing You to the Openness
  • 208Every Notion is a Resistance to ‘What Is’
  • 210Whatever You Think You Are Right About Is Your Ego
  • 211Your Being Is Here with Open Arms
  • 212What Do You Know When You Know Nothing?
  • 217Even the Holiest Concepts Can Become a Mind Trap
  • 220Satsang Break – Contemplation
  • 223What Really Belongs to You?
  • 223Nothing Ever Has Defined You
  • 225Truth for Truth’s Sake
  • 227Where Can You Find Your Self?
  • 229Let Go of the Mind
  • 232What Do You Really Know When You Know Nothing?
  • 234Seeming Contradiction Between the Un-Manifest and the Manifest
  • 237Only When Distinctions Are Removed Do We Get True Peace
  • 239Allow Yourself to Remain in the Unborn Mind
  • 241Blessings

6

Be As You Are

Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] started his book ‘Be As You Are’ with ‘You are the Self. You are not this.’ Finished! That book is a unique one (‘Be As You Are’) because the instruction is ‘Read only as much as you have to.’ It’s a rare book. Most books come to the conclusion at the end. This book says: ‘We will start from the beginning. You are the Self. You are not this limited one which you take on the pretense of being; that you imagine yourself to be. You are the Self.’ No strategy, no tactic, no practice. As Guruji [Sri Mooji] would say ‘I am the limitless One.’

You are the Self.

I was reading [Chuckles] on Facebook a quote that I’d said. It was nice. It said ‘God on this side, God on that side, God is what you’re tasting, God is what you’re smelling, God is what you’re hearing, God is what you’re seeing, God is the One that is Seeing.’ (Something like that. It was more articulate.) Once it hits home like this that in Your naturalness is shanti, is peace, then is there any distinction? Maybe you can contemplate this for a minute.

The mind can sell you the story that even in peace, there is inherent separation. You will find that actually nothing is a distinction. Even the sensations which claim to be the sensations of separation are within the One wholeness of You, of Your Being.

Then it’s best, in a way, that we don’t use our language; or labels at least. All language is a set of labels. But if we have to use some language, then use the term that you feel is the most Divine. Some might say Self, some might say Truth, some might say Guruji, some might say God. That ‘God is everywhere’ is very commonly spoken. But usually the way it is used is that ‘God is everywhere but me.’

You are the Self.

It’s not that what the mind is saying really applies to anything tangible that is here. It is not that the tangible person is here and you have to come in denial of it and see a greater Self. It is that this person never actually was here. There is no tangible entity that is the person. It is just an energy construct. Nobody can tell me whose money it is in your bank account. Whose money is that? Is it this body’s money? The body doesn’t care. Do you think the body wants a new cell phone? It would rather have an ice cream or something. [Chuckles] But even that, the body doesn’t say. The body is just like a doll. We project that ‘Oh, this one is Barbie. This one is Inspector Gadget.’ We project those ideas and labels: She is this, he is this. Just like dolls; a play with dolls. ‘Let’s get those dolls married, facing the North.’ A doll wedding. So, this is like that.

You are the Self. You are not this body. You are not who the mind is claiming you to be. So, these notions don’t apply to You. That’s why they can be let go of.

Now, Bhagavan must have realized that for many, many [Beings] that just to remind you that ‘You are the Self’ is not enough. Just to remind you that ‘You are the Self’ is not enough, so there is a next chapter. Now, I might get the sequence a bit wrong, or I might present a different sequence, but I would say that the next chapter could be ‘Surrender’.

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What does surrender mean? That even if you consider yourself yet to be limited, even then, you have come to trust a greater power. Even if you consider yourself to be a limited entity, you have come to trust a greater underlying Presence; whether appearing in an outer form of the Master or within the Divine Presence of Your Being, of the Satguru within; Your intuitive Presence. And if you find that this one is the Divine Presence, then you can safely allow these notions to be [absorbed] by that Divine.

What are we surrendering? When we say ‘I surrender my life’ …, what are we actually surrendering? [Silence] We’re surrendering all ideas of control. We’re surrendering all ideas of ‘Move this way or that way’. We’re not talking about the surrender which is ‘half-surrender’…, like ‘Bhagavan, I surrender, but make sure I go left. You drive this car, please. I had it over to You, but you have to go left.’ [Chuckles] That would be no surrender. We’re not talking about that surrender. We’re talking about that surrender which says ‘Left, right, stay here, move backwards, forwards; You do and You experience.’

What is this? Notion-less-ness. Coming back to the same place. When we surrender this [waves his hand past his forehead, signifying thoughts] what is left for me to do? None of what the mind is saying. Pure notion-less-ness.

Then Bhagavan said (actually, first, he probably said) ‘There is Self-inquiry.’ If you ask yourself ‘Who are you? Who am I?’ …, or he will say ‘What does ‘I’ represent?’ And sincerely! Like maybe we’ve done a disservice to the inquiry by making it [Sits up stiff and very serious] ‘Who am I?’ But no; sincerely, who are you? Who am I?

[Someone says]: ‘So, don’t use it as a mantra.’

Anything with devotion can serve as a good mantra, but I’m saying that it’s a question; it’s inquiry. Who are you? And on what basis are you making the claim of your limitation? You’ll find notion after notion; a house of cards made out of notions. ‘I was born here, then I lived there then I went to there and then this.’ It’s like a complete hall of mirrors. You find that notion, then you look and there’s another notion. But who are you? You cannot find the Self in that way.

What are we back to? Notion-less-ness. You cannot find this one. And it becomes clear that I Am That about which nothing can truly be spoken. I Am That for which no notion can apply.

[Silence]

After this comes a difficult step. So far, what has been spoken is the directive that ‘Nothing has actually been needed.’ But since this notion persists that ‘I’m not actually able to; I can’t see this’ or ‘It’s too difficult, too abstract’ then the difficult step is also there. Because maybe this is too simple. [Chuckles] Which means what? That there is another power that is needed for us to pick up ideas about ourself …, even before belief can be given to it. If we wonder what to do with notions that call for our belief, we can surrender them or inquire into the nature of them and See whether they are speaking the truth about us. Or we can use our power of attention.

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Now, attention is completely in service to being awake. And yet it seems to be quite a difficult quality to master. The famous example: Don’t think of a pink elephant. [Laughs] And you can decide that ‘I will not do it!’ … ‘Don’t think of a banana.’ … ‘No, I decide that I will not do it!’ And yet, in a second, it starts to come.

So, unless attention goes to these thoughts, there’s no question of believing them or not. When we come into these realms of the so-called thoughts then we come to the sadhana: Don’t keep your attention on the mind, you keep it on your breath. Don’t keep your attention on thoughts, keep it on the chanting. Bringing the mind to remain in the content of the Now is like a sadhana…, the mindfulness; like to taste a grape, be fully with the grape. That is also like a sadhana; to let attention then be so focused on the activity that there is no scope for any notions to be bought. So, this type of sadhana can be used to control attention in various ways.

All of these sadhanas have their place. Only what is often seen in this play is that we strongly start identifying with our sadhana itself. ‘I’m a meditator. I meditated 5 hours yesterday. The asana of upside down position.’ … ‘Oh, you meditated 5 hours? All day yesterday I was meditating. Beat that!’ Then it becomes about minutes of meditation, how quiet the meditation was, how well we’re doing the practice, how well we are excelling at this craft of meditating. So, although several things might drop, the notion of meditation itself seems to continue. The notion of washing my dog is the notion of how mindful I am; we’re giving so much mind to that.

And how to check these things? If somebody pokes at you, then you know you have a limited identity around it. If somebody pokes and you get poked. You meditated 7 hours yesterday and somebody comes and says ‘You’re just a beginner here. No, you’re not. What did you see? You saw 7 lights? Only this chakra is shining? Oh, your crown chakra has to shine and then you will be there.’ And then they say ‘Oh, only your crown chakra is shining? Wait until you come to astral travel and akashic records. Once you make that, then come and talk to me.’

So much ego around this so-called spiritual practice. So, know that the practitioner identity is spiritual ego. If you go on poking, it can seem to get agitated. Then it can feel like ‘This is too much effort and my mind is so active. It’s not this.’

Then, maybe you can do some devotional singing or do some hatha yoga. It’s very good because, in a way, all these things are available to go through; these beautifully designed techniques to come to the shanti we are looking for right in the beginning. But in all of these there is also the potential to create a lot of lack of peace. When you start to practice, it’s so beautiful; hatha yoga. But very quickly, the mind will sell you the story that you must become a yoga Olympian world- class gold-medalist. Advanced, super advanced, super-super advanced, super-super-super Patanjali advanced. [Chuckles]

So, all these sadhanas in themselves are very beautiful and very well designed, but when we put a lot of notions around them then it can seem like the notions for the practice itself seem to overwhelm the notion-less-ness which the practices are invoking.

9

Nothing in The World Has Inherent Meaning

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.

Shanti means …? Why are we praying for shanti and evoking shanti? Because we have already identified the tormentor. Peace is shanti. We invoke this peace, because somewhere we must have already identified that lack of peace is the trouble. And most of us in Satsang have also identified that ‘Where does this lack of peace come from?’ It might feel like it comes from a situation. ‘Oh, my partner is like this’ is the most common one, isn’t it, whether you are Indian or European or American. ‘My partner is like this’ or ‘My body is like this’ or ‘My money is like this’…, irrespective of cultural background or geographical location, we feel that it is a particular situation which can lead to lack of peace.

But my Master [Sri Mooji] said ‘Nothing in the world has inherent meaning.’ And paradoxically, this statement has a lot of meaning ‘Nothing in the world has inherent meaning’. It is very meaningful from a certain perspective. So, can we explore if this is true and see if there is a root to shanti.

So, can this [Holds up a glass of water] lead to lack of peace? I am purposely not defining it as an appearance. A body can appear the same way that this is appearing. It is just an event, a situation or a set of perceptions. Now, how can this lead to lack of peace? Before you can have ideas about it, you need to know what it is. We can say ‘I know this is water.’ Once you know it is water…, (especially if you live in Bangalore) [Chuckles] it can cause a lot of lack of peace. Because in this building itself; we used to have two bore wells which used to give us water. Now we have to get five tankers every day as the bore wells have run out.

So, once you know this is water, then all your concepts about water can come. ‘What is going to happen? In five years Bangalore will run out of water? What are people going to do? There will water wars.’ So much lack of peace.

But before we defined it, what was there? It can also lead to some sort of conceptual happiness in a way (if there is such a thing). ‘Water…, such a nice thing…, it gives life to everything. Without water, we would all be so thirsty in this world. It’s such a God’s-gift to us.’ So, concepts can be this way or this way.

Is there such a thing as a neutral concept? Neutrality is not of the mind. Because any concept in itself (even if it says ‘Water is’) we are then taking about the positive-ness of the Being of water, the Presence of it.

It’s too complicated? [Giggles] Let’s keep it simple to start with at least.

So, anything, in just the appearance of it, in itself does not have the capacity to create lack of shanti, lack of peace. And we are all, at some level, in search of a stable peace.

So, as long as we feel like ‘A certain set of things have to happen in this way and then peace will come’ then we have misidentified the tormentor, in a way. We have placed it in the apparent-

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appearance of whatever is being perceived, rather than in the interpretation of it. We took such an innocent example; the transparent water. And yet, we can have so many concepts about it. You can take on a water war after hearing hundred concepts like this; you might feel like ‘I have to start a water NGO. ‘Don’t waste water!’ I can make that the project of my life.’ Or we can become in service to water, like Thales said that ‘Everything is made of water.’ He said that what we are made up of is water. Like some would say ‘It is Being’ he said ‘It is water.’ We can become water worshippers if you can believe the beautiful concepts about water. But it is not the thing in itself which is the cause of trouble. This is true for all things. It is never about the thing.

Then what is it about? It is what we think about; what we think about it. You are with me so far, everyone? What we think about it is the source of this lack of peace.

Now, who can predict the next thought before it comes? Before your next thought comes; predict it.

Before coming to Satsang, most of us actually believed that we are actually creating our thoughts in a conscious sort of way. ‘I should not think negative, I should think only positive; be positive.’ These kinds of things are very prevalent. But who knows which thought will come next? A thought here could also come and say ‘This is just nonsense that you are speaking.’ Or a thought can come and say ‘This is just beautiful; this can really help.’ Both of these are just thoughts and nobody can predict what the next thought will be because that prediction itself would be a thought.

So, once we identify that the source of trouble is this, and that we cannot predict which thought will come, then are we lost in this roller coaster? We have identified the source of suffering to be thought and yet we do not know which thought might come …, does that mean we have gotten on a never-ending roller coaster of suffering and peace? It doesn’t. It doesn’t mean that. Because irrespective of the thought, there is something in Consciousness Itself that has the power to make meaning out of it (apparent-meaning out of it) or to not give it meaning.

So, when my Master says ‘Nothing in the world has inherent meaning’ it is just not even just about an appearance. We can say that, but even that we do not need to say because even that would give it some meaning, that ‘This is just an appearance.’ This has zero inherent meaning.

A thought can be positive, negative, positive, negative. Now, if just the appearance of these thoughts would mean that meaning is given to these thoughts, it would seem like you are stuck; that there is no end to suffering…, that every time a negative thought comes you will suffer and every time a positive thought comes it will seem like ‘Life is good’. The roller coaster…

Now, thankfully, it is not true that this is all there is to it. It is Consciousness that takes the content of this message, of this voice, and uses the power (one of its most primal powers, as much as, maybe more than, time and space; of all these phenomenal powers, this is the most primal power) called ‘The power of belief.’ And You, Consciousness (when I am saying ‘Consciousness’ I mean You-as-Consciousness) have the power to log in (as my Master would say) or to remain untouched. What is this log in? To give assent to the meaning of this.

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So, now we have seen that the end of suffering is in our notion-less-ness. It’s in our notion-less- ness. But notion-less-ness does not mean that notions can no longer arise. It only means that notions are allowed to just come and go. Why should they be allowed to just come and go? Because they are not representing the Truth about who You Are. They are representing an identity which, at best, is the limited version of who You Are.

Just like once you figure out that somebody who has called you has called a wrong number, this problem is no longer so much there. When we were growing up it was there. So, if you have picked up a wrong number call, and somebody said ‘You have to come to Manipal hospital because this emergency has happened’ you would say ‘But who do you want to speak to?’ They say ‘I want to speak to James.’ You respond, saying ‘Wrong number.’ Now, if you actually continue to have that conversation, knowing fully well that it was meant for James not for Ananta, and then you were running from hospital to hospital because some supposed-emergency had happened, what would you feel about such a situation? It’s stupid isn’t it? But this is the play of humanity, apparently. It is a wrong number. The mind is calling ‘me’…, the ‘I am something’

‘me’ …, the so called jeev-atma. But I am not jeev-atma. I am the Atma itself, which needs no prefix around Itself called ‘jeev’…, which knows no duality, no time; this one Being. Just because the wrong number is persistent, does it make it true?

(I don’t know why I am spelling it out so much today but somehow this is what’s here.) [Chuckles]

So, the lack of peace comes from not the thing in itself but that idea of the thing. And it is possible, in Consciousness, to remain notion-less even if there is a tsunami of ideas; there might be a tsunami of ideas in mind.

And why is it relevant to remain notion-less? …, why is it in fact intelligence to remain notion- less? Because this voice (which seems to be speaking) seems to be speaking to a version of ‘me’ …, which I cannot ever find! Nobody has found this person that I have asked about for five years now.

So, it is a wrong number.

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Our Belief System Feels Completely Right to Us

The lack of peace is because of the idea that ‘I know something’. What does it mean that ‘I know something’? It means that ‘I am right about something.’ That’s why this saying (which is very popular) ‘Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?’ is actually very beautiful. You cannot suffer unless you feel you are right about something.

This is the thing about belief. (I know I’ve been rambling on for some time, but if you can hear this part, it’s really important): Your beliefs will always feel right to you. That is the nature of belief itself. That’s why you believe them. You see? They will always feel that they are right. Nobody has a belief saying ‘I feel that I am….’ No; in the sense that they’re not having a belief

that ‘I am the king of the world’ when actually they are feeling like ‘This is not right. This is wrong. I am not the king of the world.’ …, because then it has to cancel itself out and come to this neutrality.

A belief, our belief system, feels completely right to us. And that is why teachers like Adyashanti will say that ‘Spirituality is a completely destructive process.’ But what is it destroying? It is not trying to destroy your house or your life or your relationship. What is it actually destroying? Our belief system.

Whatever we think we are right about, it is going to get faced with the stark-naked reality that you’re not. But because in their very nature they feel right to you, it can feel destructive when they are confronted. That is why the Master is always right here to hold your hand, to love you along the way. Because they remember also that in the play of their lives also when their beliefs were being confronted, it can seem like a tough situation at times. It can feel like ‘I’m being destroyed. He is pulling the ground from under my feet, and I see no place where I can land now. I’m just going to be lost.’ It can feel like that. Because the direct Sages will not replace your conceptual house with a different, better-looking house. They will just burn it down! Remember that they never come when uninvited. You made a prayer. You said ‘Please, I am ready to give up everything. I want only the Truth!’ (whether you said it in this way or not). That’s why they show up. They say ‘Okay, you asked for it. Now, give me everything. [Smiles] I don’t want your stuff. What will I do with stuff? I don’t want your stuff. I want every notion you think is right.’

So, what you hiding in your attic? [Chuckles] Or in your basement? It can feel like ‘Oh, the rest of the house is burnt, but I have this. This part of the building the Guru will not see because it’s the basement. It’s a secret place.’ Yeah? [Chuckles] So, it can feel like ‘Alone with my thoughts; at least these I can enjoy.’ [Laughs] Like that. ‘This I am definitely right about!’

And you can feel like ‘I’m wrong about everything…’ (it can be even silly like this) …, ‘I’m wrong about everything (relationship, money; this, that, that) everything I am wrong about, but the president of one country, I am definitely right about! I know him. I know how he is! Really!’ You see?

In India there is a saying that ‘The whole elephant goes through the hole but the tail gets left.’ Many times, it’s our silly ideas. You’ll find it funny that many of you have given up the global ideas, the more-seeming important ideas in your life, but what keeps you caught up is just some

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strange silliness. Our judgments, our interpretations; all made up. Our labels, our labeling… are labeling nothing.

And I am aware that this is completely self-referential, okay? Because sometimes I get these complaints that ‘But then, doesn’t it apply to everything you are saying as well?’ It does. [Chuckles] It completely does. And yet, this is the funny part of the play. It has to be said and then it’s left behind. Isn’t it? Its just like something is on fire then you put water on it; but when the fire is out, then there’s no need to put any more.

Bhagavan’s [Sri Ramana Maharshi’s] analogy of ‘using thorns to remove other thorns and then throwing the thorn away’ very much applies. Maharaj [Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj] said ‘The only truth I can speak is that I Am…, but ultimately even that is not true.’

So, then can we say that nothing [is needed], that the whole thick book [Nisargadatta Maharaj’s book ‘I Am That’] is not needed? From the ultimate perspective, we can say that. But for as long as the limited perspective is being believed, it is very helpful. No words are truly needed, in Reality. And yet, in this play of Consciousness, when our limitations seem to be… (Let’s come up with a nice metaphor for this).

You all know that I take this example: I’m saying ‘Ishwari, I have a very good friend. I feel like you would like to meet this lady. She will feel like she is your best friend!’ Ishwari will say ‘Okay, Father, when are you introducing me? I say ‘I can’t introduce you.’ Then she’ll say ‘Why not? You just said she can be my best friend.’ I say ‘Yeah, but she is formless.’ Ishwari will say, ‘Oh! What do you mean by that? At least I need a photo. At least I need one phone conversation.’

But once you’ve had that …, (because we’ve gotten so conditioned to name and form) when you have known somebody for some time and you’ve had beautiful exchanges, then to love this one, you need to constantly see their photo, hear their voice. (You don’t.) So, because we gotten so used to name and form, when the Master also appears in form and then uses language, signs and all of these things (which he himself wants to demolish) …, once its recognized for yourself what that Is, who the Master Is, then you don’t need name and form anymore.

Some of you have been in the company of some Sages. You’ve been where there are a few; like two or three Sages. So, you can image how blessed we are in this life to have had these kinds of occasions also. But do you know what they talk about? [Chuckles] They’re usually just either sitting in silence or they’re just enjoying each other’s Presence or they’re speaking of very mundane stuff like lunch. They are not saying ‘What is the true nature of Reality? Is it Awareness before Consciousness or is it Consciousness before Awareness?’ [Smiles] They are not having these conversations because there is no need for these thorns anymore …, because even these ultimately are conceptual.

But as long as we feel that our house of cards is real, when something has to come, then set it on fire. When the words are spoken in Satsang, it does not imply that they have some ‘Certificate of Truth’ or something like this but they are definitely pointing you to a different place compared to where the words of the mind are pointing; to a placeless place.

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You Are Already the Most Enlightened Being

Now, after I’ve spoken so much, some of you might feel ‘So, what should I do? Remain with the concept ‘I am the Self’? (‘Self, Self, Self…’) Or should I inquire ‘Who Am I? Who am I?’ Or should I surrender? I presumed I had some clarity but now I feel more confused because I had settled in with a particular methodology to get to the Truth but now I’m confused. Surrender or inquiry or chanting or mindfulness or bhajans or hatha yoga? What am I supposed to do?’

Now, here is the paradox …, that without any of this you are full, complete enlightenment Right Now. [Silence] The most enlightened Being you ever want to meet is Your very Presence.

I said one time in the retreat ‘If you feel like you have to meditate for ten thousand years to find the Truth, then I can tell you that you have finished nine-thousand nine-hundred ninety-nine years, three-hundred and sixty-five days, twenty-three hours, fifty-nine minutes and fifty-nine seconds already. [Chuckles] This is that moment of Truth. Don’t waste it. Meet YourSelf. This is God, Guru, Self.

You don’t need anything to become anything more. You don’t need to become more worthy. You don’t need to become more devoted. You don’t need more practice. You don’t need more anything. You are already the most.

One time like this, we were sitting in the retreat and I was feeling: Wow! Today I feel like everybody saw that ‘There is just God, This Being, which I called personal but which is actually the Presence of the Divine.’ And I sat in that Light…

This moment is a bit like that. Because I don’t feel like any of you have not heard or seen what I’m pointing to.

God Is Now.

Being Is Now.

Self Is Now.

It’s completely apparent.

Now, the mind will want to go mental with this; the mind will want to go mental with this. It can even use this ‘God Is Now’ in a very mental way, without any perfume of actual insight. [Droll voice]: ‘Oh, but God is Now.’ What is the benefit of this mental thing? Nothing. At best, you’ll become an Advaita troll on Facebook. That is the maximum graduation you can get with mental Advaita knowledge.

It’s not about giving yourself a mental certificate. It’s not a conceptual knowing that God Is Now.

It is Your very Being.

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The Silence of Intuition Is Also the Answer

[Reading from chat]: “Beloved Father, I have a question. Today I have to choose between staying at home meditating and following your Satsang but with no money or going to stay in a psychiatric hospital for one or two weeks in order to get a certificate which will help me financially. Do you have a feeling about this choice that I have to make? Thank you.”

This is to give you an answer to your question. There was one time that we were watching Guruji’s [Sri’s Mooji’s] retreat at home and somebody came from the sangha [Mooji sangha] to visit Bangalore for few days. So, he was there at the retreat and then he came to me with this dilemma. He said ‘Now, Ananta, there is this other Guruji who is visiting Bangalore and I’ve always wanted to see him. So, what should I do? Should I come for the retreat with you (which I can watch later also) or should I go and visit that Master?’

Now, obviously there is some conditioning here. What to do? Say ‘No, no, of course, Guruji’s retreat’? (Sometimes I can observe this conditioning also). I said ‘Go wherever your feet take you. You don’t decide. If the decision is not clear then you let life decide and you will know which way.’ But inside, I have to be honest and say there was a hope that he will come to the retreat. [Smiles]

So, when it happened, he did not come. It surprised me a bit that he did not come. But the day after he came and he said ‘Thank you so much for giving me that advice. I had to go there and I am so glad I went. I am so glad I went because unless I would have gone, I would have never figured out that that is not for me.’

So, we can never presume in which way life will go or what has to happen. Sometimes life puts us in this kind of situation where it seems so unclear. Even for those of you who are intuitively strong, it can feel like ‘My intuition is just silent.’ However, remember that:

The silence of intuition is the answer of intuition.

Remember that the silence of intuition is also an answer from intuition. It can be a difficult answer to swallow because otherwise it can feel like ‘I have a cheat code to life and I can just go to my heart and it will just tell me ‘Left, left, left, right, right, right’ …, I will become a millionaire soon or enlightened soon.’ (or whatever). It will be selfish in the usage like that. So, many times, your intuition will just be quiet.

It is like a story about Bhagavan. [Sri Ramana Maharshi] It seem like there was a time where Bhagavan was not answering ninety-five percent of the questioners. [Smiles] That was the answer; that ‘not answering’ was the answer.

[Someone] told a story about a Sage. This other great Master said to his son or his disciple that ‘You have become very advanced now. I am not able help you anymore. You have to go to this Sage, who is really a Brahma Rishi’ (or something like that). So, he came to the Sage. This Sage was sitting over there. This student comes and says ‘Master, my Master …’ (Let’s say Vasistha

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for the name) ‘… My master Vasistha sent me to you because he said you will be able to help me.’ And this Master is just sitting quiet.

The disciple said to himself ‘The Master is old. Maybe he is hard of hearing.’ So, he said loudly ‘Master, my master Vasistha has sent me and he said that you will definitely help me to come to the final truth.’ The Master is sitting quiet.

The disciple tried a few more times. Then, as obviously when things don’t go as planned, what comes? Anger. [Smiles] Then what did the disciple say? He said ‘You must be fully arrogant! My master must be mistaken! You are not an enlightened Being. You are so arrogant. You are not answering anything that I am asking.’

Then this Master spoke. He said ‘You have been asking me and I have been answering you. When will you listen?’

It is so beautiful because ultimately, we have to be rid this ‘yes and no’ and ‘true and false’ and ‘right and wrong’ and ‘left and right’ and ‘up and down.’ These are just ideas. They have nothing to do with Reality.

Of course, the mind will fight. It will say ‘But I have to decide whether I have to go to this psychiatric ward or go to Satsang.’ Like my Master [Sri Mooji] says ‘If it is not clear then leave it. Don’t decide. Let it unfold on its own.’

And I am fully aware that, this time, Satsang is big burning. Because it might feel like ‘But you’re my Father! I call you Father. So, the least you can do is help me with this simple decision.’

I am helping you.

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It Is Clear That This Is I

‘Original.’ What do we mean by original? What is the most original to you? What is that which is most original? Most original means that, if you could leave everything, what would still remain? What would still remain, if anything remained?

This is like a Neti-Neti (not this, not this).

What does it mean? The Sages said ‘That which changes is not your Ultimate Reality. That which comes and goes is not your Ultimate Reality.’ Then the good students said ‘Okay, so then let’s truly explore this. It seems quite simple, that if that which comes and goes is not my Ultimate Reality, then to find what is my Ultimate Reality … (I’ll tell you later why I’m saying ‘Ultimate Reality’) … we must then see what is Here, if anything, which does not come and go. We must check for ourselves: What is it that does not come and go?’

What is original to you that is not a coming and going?

So, what can you say about the appearances of the world? This room was not here fifteen minutes ago; it was something else. So, this is constantly changing. It comes and goes. In our life, we have never had the experience of something, in exactly the same way, a second time. We might feel like ‘Oh, but we have Satsang every day, Monday to Friday’ but every moment is different. Not just the physical configuration (it can feel like ‘Oh, it’s different because everybody is sitting in a different place’) but so much is different: The attentiveness, the energy flow, the transmission, what is being spoken.

So, this moment of your outward experience will never ever be the same again. This is unique. You will taste this, only this, Right Now. Therefore, is it Ultimately Real, Now? No. Because it comes and goes. It is a beautiful discovery because even in the enjoyment of this moment, we bring more light to it. So, this is the only time I’m going to taste this: Now. So, it’s tasted. But when we are checking on the Ultimate originality, the Ultimate Reality, you see that this will come and go. All of this will come and go.

Then what about the sensations that we call the body? I’m not even getting into the cellular structure because we know that cells are created and depleted. Every moment, new cells are being born and old cells are going (apparently). So, this body is constantly changing. But even these sensations that we call the body are always changing. They are changing; they come and go. So, not this.

What is next? You say today; let’s hear. World, we saw; body, we saw (which is also the part of the world). What next? [Silence] Nothing? Done? [Chuckles]

Q: Emotion.

Emotion. With emotions also, you can feel that (because of our labels) we know what grief is, what joy is, what bliss is, what happiness is, what peace is but actually, we never really taste the same emotion twice in their exact same characteristic. There is always some difference, always

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some change in gradation and it’s so subtle that, through our labels, we think we know something about it. But we don’t.

Guruji [Sri Mooji] takes this very nice example where he says: If you say you have stage fright and you’re asked to make a public speech and you go up there, you can feel like ‘Oh, I’m so nervous. I have anxiety.’ So, notice that sensation, sensational quality. But if you are very excited about going on a holiday, if you’re very excited about doing something, a very similar emotional quality is tasted. But we don’t call that anxiety, we call that excitement, joy. ‘I am feeling so happy that I’m going on vacation.’

But if you look at just the spectrum (or the qualitative aspect of the spectrum) you see that it’s similar. But it’s never really the same. This is also constantly changing. So, emotion is also changing so it’s not your Ultimate Reality.

Then, thoughts. So, many of us try to get rid of our thoughts. But today, you try to do the opposite: If the thought comes, you hold it. Hold it for ten seconds. Don’t let it go. As your next thought comes, you hold it for ten seconds.

Who can do it? It might keep coming back. Firstly, when I say to let your next thought come, it seems the mind becomes quiet. [Chuckles] Isn’t it? When I say ‘When it comes, you hold it for ten seconds, over there only. Come!’ Just like these words are spoken, they come and go. You cannot hold it really. It’s just like a voice like this which is speaking. It cannot be held. So, for thoughts, it’s completely clear: it comes and goes.

Then what else is there?

So, every sensory perception we looked at. These inner perceptions (let’s include memories, imagination, thoughts, emotion) everything is coming and going. Now what is left? Is that all there is to you? Just everything that is perceived? Is that all there is to you?

Q: Dreams.

Dreams also come and go. So, all these; the entire universe’s realms … (okay, let’s not digress too much) … they come and go. So, is that all there is to you?

Q:Thoughts. Thoughts we said.

Q:The feeling that I’m a separate entity.

Feeling? All feelings; I’m saying that all feelings, they come and go. No feeling is constant. We just talked about that also, where we might feel like I’m experiencing the same feeling but even that, qualitatively, is different from moment to moment.

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States: waking state, dream state, sleep state also comes and goes. So, that also cannot be your Ultimate Reality.

Then?

[Reading from chat]: “Concepts, knowledge about objects change.”

Yes, all concepts, all knowledge.

So, then what is left? We looked at all perceptions, all appearances. Have you also gone?

Q: Observer.

Observer. This observer, what can we say about this one? Whether you call it observer, perceiver, witness; who is witnessing all of these? Does that also come and go? And how is to be known? Who is observing?

Let’s start with a simpler question: Who is observing?

Q: I am.

You are. You see? That is undeniable. Because you’re not reporting on something which she is experiencing …, you’re saying ‘I am perceiving this. I am perceiving this.’

But here, there is a conundrum. ‘I am perceiving’ …, and yet who is this ‘I’?

So, we might say ‘I don’t know.’ But how do you call it ‘I’ then? Because when you say ‘I am witnessing, I am perceiving’ and then you say ‘But, who is this ‘I’?’ … ‘I don’t know’ then how can you say ‘I am perceiving?’

So, you don’t know from here: [Points to the head] You cannot, in fact, know from here. You cannot know even emotionally what this is. But how are you so sure that you are perceiving? It will sound crazy, no? If I say to you that ‘Actually you are not perceiving, Gabriella is perceiving on your behalf’ you’ll say ‘What is this crazy talk? Of course, I am perceiving.’

Like somebody asked about pain. If I say to her ‘No, No, you are not perceiving this pain, somebody else is’. She’ll say ‘I wish it was that way!’ [Laughs]

So, how is this possible, that on one hand we say that ‘I don’t know who this is’ and yet it is clear, that it is ‘I’?

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The Deeper Knowingness

What kind of knowing is this? Papaji [Sri Poonja] said, ‘The only way to escape death is to Know Thy Self Now.’ So, what kind of Knowing is this? Why do we capitalize this ‘K’? Is there a way for me to escape death by knowing’ something? If I knew that the world is round then how can that help me versus if it’s flat? How will I escape death if I know something? It’s just a fact. So, then it must be talking about a different knowing, not just a mental knowing; not a conceptual knowing.

Now the funny thing about a Satsang like this (and it might be happening to some of you who are new, that ‘This sounds completely intellectual’) actually, it’s completely anti-intellectual or conceptual. I’m saying that we cannot know any Truth in that way. And yet, the Master said ‘Know Thy Self.’ Everyone, from Socrates downwards, from our Sages, from the Upanishads downwards, say ‘Know YourSelf, Know YourSelf, Know YourSelf.’

Yet, when I try to know something, I don’t succeed. If I make any conclusion, life shows me that it is false. Everything thing that I’ve known, life has shown me that it is nonsense. So, now, how do I sort this out? How do I sort this out!? On one hand, I say I cannot know. Just by having five hundred concepts about something, I don’t know it. And yet, the Master has said ‘Know Thy Self Now and escape death.’

So, we came to this point now where we saw that the world is changing, changing; body is changing, changing; emotions are changing, changing; thoughts are changing, changing; everything is changing, changing. Then we came to this point where we said that the observer, the one who Sees all of this, is changing. And we didn’t just leave it at that. We say how natural it is for us to say ‘I’. That ‘I am observing, I am the witness.’ And yet we have no idea about this ‘I’.

Some have ideas about this ‘I’ but it’s better that we throw those ideas away [Chuckling] because those don’t help. Whatever ideas we have about this ‘I’, it’s better to throw those away because those are just labels, and these labels don’t help when life is throttling our throat. [Chuckles] Ideas don’t help. So, we’re looking for something which is more tangible than just a label. If instead of soul, I called that apple, if instead of Atma I said potato; it’s just a label. How does it matter? In fact, it’s a beautiful experiment. Instead of pain you call it something else which you’ve related with something else so far. You say (let’s try potato) …, you can say ‘I have so much potato in my body.’’ I know it can sound crazy [Laughing] but the fact is that we feel… [Laughter in room] There is a point here okay [Laughing] as unbelievable as it might sound. [Looking at a Sangha member] You have no potato in the body today?

So, what happens is that when we change the label, we see that we’ve suddenly thrown away the photocopy version of this world. We live in this world of ‘photocopy reality’ which means the conceptual version. I’m sitting in Satsang, he’s the Master, I’m the disciple; these kinds of things are just concepts about what is happening. It has nothing to do with the reality of what is happening.

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In the same way, if we say ‘This is what I’m experiencing’ we don’t truly know …, and that experience is also constantly changing. But our label makes us feel that we have some hold on this reality. To the mind, this world is too chaotic. It’s crazy! Everything is always changing. So, it makes these concepts available to us so that it can feel like our limited idea has some hold over this world. ‘I know left is left and right is right.’ There is no such thing as left or right. But it can feel like ‘Okay. At least I have some grip on this world because this is left and this is right.’

In the same way, it feels ‘I know something because I know what this emotion is, what this sensation is.’ But we don’t know what pain is, what grief is. We don’t know any of this. But it can feel too strong to taste it, empty of these notions, as long as we have a limited idea about ourself.

So, this ‘I’ therefore is not just a label. The pointer, of course, is the label. When we say ‘I’ it is pointing to something which is a label. When you think ‘I’ it is pointing to something. But who is the ‘I’ that is perceiving?

Who is the ‘I’ that is perceiving?

Thinking about it will not help. Because you do not have to think really. It’s a deeper Knowing.

All the Sages have said ‘Remain as the witness.’ To whom do they say this? Who should remain as the witness? Is it telling the body to always remain as the witness? Is that instruction to the body? ‘Remain as the witness of everything. Don’t blink! [Chuckles] Don’t blink when you remain as the witness. Don’t blink because if you blink you will not know what is happening in the world.’ Is that what the instruction is for? It cannot be. So, what is this, to remain as a witness? Can an emotion remain as a witness? Emotion is witnessing something? Can a thought remain as a witness? Can a thought remain at all? It cannot remain. So, who is here to remain as a witness?

This is where our concepts fail. But this is where You succeed. The concepts fail, but You succeed.

The frustration in Satsang comes why? The frustration in the spiritual path or Satsang comes because you feel that it’s just like a classroom. In a classroom (suppose it’s a geography class) and you’re not understanding anything. ‘Tropic of Cancer, tropic of Capricorn, equator, tch!’ Nothing seems to stick. If the teacher asks you ‘Is the Tropic of Cancer above the Equator or is it the Tropic of Capricorn?’ and you say ‘I don’t know’ then what happens? The teacher says ‘I told you a hundred times and you still don’t know. Get out!’ [Chuckles] That feels like you failed. But Satsang is that place where if you know, then I’m pointing you to something deeper. (Not that you failed or something.) If you think you know, then that is not it.

So, if you feel that you can say that ‘I don’t know really’ that means that you’ve given up on this apparatus, [Pointing to the head] this conceptualizing apparatus. You’ve run out of your beautiful concepts. So, you don’t know.

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But the funny thing is, when you say ‘I don’t know’ this ‘I’ is still there. It seems like ‘Whatever I might do, I can’t get rid of this ‘I’. Everything else comes and goes but I remain, as some sort of a witness.’

Now, can this Perceiver be perceived? Guruji [Sri Mooji] says this is his piranha question.

So, we simplified it. We perceive all of this and everything that is perceived is constantly coming and going. Now it’s a very simple question. (Don’t worry about what is ‘piranha’ and all of that.) It’s logical. All of this is perceived. What about the perceiver itself?

Again, I’ve given you another clue. But it’s very natural for us to say ‘I’m perceiving. I’m seeing. I’m perceiving. I’m witnessing.’

If you feel that it cannot be perceived, then how do you know it is ‘I’ that perceives?

If you feel, it can be perceived, then show me the color of this ‘I’ …, the quality, any one quality; one attribute. Because perceiving means to perceive some quality, some attribute.

Tell me? [Looks around the room]

Q:Self-perceiving.

A:As what?

Q:Self.

A:But how do you know it is perceiving? Do you see it? Like, is there a shape to it? A size to it? Can we say that perceiving is over there and this is what it looks like? Therefore, it’s not like our usual perception. Our usual perception has color, shape, size. How do we perceive something that doesn’t have any of these qualities?

This ‘I’ …, which quality does it have?

Q: Existence.

A:Existence; a sense of Being, Presence.

Q:Silence.

A:Silence is a nice word, but it is not a silence which has an opposite. It is not a silence which has an opposite which is noise. It is not in the realm of opposites like … [Remains silent] …, and now it is gone. ‘Ah, that silence. It went away from one second ago.’ It is not something which can be opposed or resisted. It remains; no matter how many waves are there on the ocean, this remains. So, it is always silent in that sense …, but not in the sense of silent it noisy.

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What You Are Looking for Is Where You Are Looking From

Through which eyes do we see this quality-less One, this silent One, this Existence?

Q: Its own eyes.

A: Its own eyes, yes. Literally or metaphorically?

Q:In the sense that we can’t perceive anything formless, so therefore, the only way can know that something formless IS is if we Are That.

A:Let’s go slowly on this one. ‘The only way we really know that something formless IS is because we Are That’

Q:What you said the other day about introducing someone to the friend who is formless …, that the reason that we dismiss that so easily is because it is like ‘Where is the evidence?’ Even the conceptual evidence isn’t there, it’s just that It Is all there is. In the same way, you could say the same thing about the Self. There is no evidence. The only fact is that we Are. We Exist. It validates Itself by Its own Existence.

A:He said ‘It validates itself by its own Existence.’ Like we were talking about the friend yesterday where I said ‘I have somebody you could meet and that one could be your best friend.’ And you say ‘Introduce me.’ Then I say ‘I can’t introduce you because this friend has no size, shape, color, quality; does not speak, no form at all.’ You say ‘What kind of prank is that?’

[Chuckles] This is what happens to many of us when we come to Satsang. As it is shared that the

‘Truth is formless’ (and we have heard this so often, that ‘Absolute Reality is formless’) then it feels like ‘It is a great concept but how do I experience it?’

So, what is it that we have experienced this way in our life? What is it that we have experienced in our life that we have not experienced phenomenally?

How many are following the question? Like [Picks up a card] what is in my hand? A card. Why? Because you see the card; the shape, the size. What is the color of this couch? Blue. Because you can experience seeing the color. But have you had the experience of something for which you find no quality; no size, no shape, no duration? What is that which you have experienced which had no quality?

Q: Sleep.

A:This is very good. What did you experience in sleep?

Q:Nothing.

A:Nothing. You were there in your sleep or not? This is sort of answering the question. He said

‘In sleep, I experience no quality or anything.’ So, whose experience is that?

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That which even experiences this nothing, is that itself a thing? Or nothing? [Chuckles]

I have a word for this, which is ‘no-thing’. [Chuckles] (Don’t worry so much about the word; just be with it.) How do I know there is something called sleep state? Sometimes I joke and say ‘Oh, we can’t really know that there is a sleep state.’ Then I say ‘So, if I tell you that when you go to sleep tonight (or yesterday night when you slept) you went into super-advanced seventh Turiya state.’ [Chuckles] Then you say ‘What is that? I had no experience of this.’ But if I ask ‘You went to sleep last night?’ You say ‘Yes, Ananta, I woke up at six thirty.’ So, there is some knowing of this. And yet, I can understand when you say that ‘I do not know sleep, I have to refer to memory’ and all of that.

Q: Sleep has a beginning and an end. Sleep has qualities.

A:It can seem like it has a beginning and an end. (It reminded me that I was having a conversation about that.) [Chuckles] (So, let’s come back to this one.) In this moment, can you experience something without quality?

Q: A sense of ‘I’ that doesn’t have quality.

A:That’s okay so far. The sense of ‘I’. In the real sense, is it even a sense? It’s not even a sense. But we have to use terminology that is defined for qualitative experiences, even for this ‘I’ because we have no other language. So, we have the sense of ‘I’ (or the feeling of ‘I’ some might say) but this is neither a sense nor a feeling because even that quality it does not have. So, can we ask ‘Is it like a big space?’ [Looks around] I am just asking these questions because I know that sometimes while we are doing these contemplations, these inquiries together, the mind will also be painting pictures of what is being said. So, when we say ‘It is a big space’ or when we say ‘It is dark, it is black; just like blackness of sleep’ or something, then that is the way our mind remembers sleep. The memory stores sleep like ‘black’. So, this ‘I’, is it this ‘big black empty limbo or something’ …, is it like that?

Q: It is quite spacious.

A:But is it some measurable space?

Q:No.

A:So, what is that space which is spacious but not measurable? [Chuckles]

While you contemplate that, I know for many of you what can happen is that the mind can come in here and say ‘You are not getting it. This will not really help. What is the point of this?’ These kinds of things will come. And really, I want to say that even if there was zero benefit to this, it is completely worthwhile. Because it is the Truth.

Do you want to live a lie? Nobody wants to live a lie. You want to live with the Truth, and just for that, it is worth it. You don’t need to have joy or bliss or some benefit. Suppose it was not even for the end of suffering? I know that most of us come to Satsang because of that …, but

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suppose that this contemplation was not even for that? It is just because it is the Truth. Isn’t it worth spending a little bit of time and to find out what the Truth is? So, just for that, it is worth it. I call this ‘Truth for Truth sake.’ Because the mind will say ‘What is the point? What are you getting? Make some money. Why are you sitting in this Satsang?’ [Chuckles] ‘Go find a girlfriend, go find a partner. Do something. Do at least some hatha yoga; the body will feel better.’ (By the way, I am not saying anything is wrong with any of that.)

I am just saying that this is the point of time where you come to Satsang. What is Sat Sang? The company of the Truth. So, this time we have dedicated for discovery of the Truth, irrespective of what the benefits or pitfalls might be. So, that is the point. That is why it is worth it.

So then, this non-qualitative experience …, can we say it is like dark, empty, limitless sky? Or white, pure, heavenly light? Is this ‘I’ like this; either of these? [Silence] Then what is it like?

Q: It is not an experience.

A: It is not an experience and yet it is undeniable.

Q: It is like it’s all we experience but …, it always Is.

A:That’s not what we use the word ‘experience’ for. [Chuckles] We usually use the term experience for ‘It means sweet or salty, this or that.’ But this one is neither this nor that. See? It is undeniable and not yet not an experience. Therefore, we can invent some terms; like we can say ‘It is your only non-phenomenal experience’ or something like that. Language, of course, cannot really capture this. We just use some words to explain that.

‘It is something that always IS’ he says. So, this Self, this ‘I,’ always IS. Then, what are we looking for? [Chuckles] When we look, we find that This always IS. I say ‘Have you found your Self? You say ‘I am close. Something has to push me there. Push me over the cliff. 100 percent.’ [Laughs] I say ‘Okay, but when did you lose your Self? You cannot lose it’. This is like a [indicates circular loop] and somehow this makes sense to us. There is certain time where (these completely contradictory concepts) we live with them and they make sense to us. When we start to really look at them and say ‘What are you looking for?’ …

It is often said ‘You are looking for That where you are looking from’ or ‘What you are looking for is where you are looking from.’ That is actually what we have looked at today.

You will never find anything greater than This. Because This has no shape.

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Only the Self Is

[Reading from chat]: “Beloved Father, in notion-less Existence, which itself is Awareness…”

It is true what you are saying but the term that we imply (has a) slight qualitative distinction. Let’s say (for the sake of some correctness of term) ‘in my notion-less Existence, the Truth of this Self is completely apparent, which in itself is without distinction.’

[Reading from chat]: “In notion-less existence, which itself is Awareness, there is no ‘I’.”

We can also say there is only ‘I’. It depends on what we use the term ‘I’ for.

We can say ‘Only the Self Is’ or we can say ‘There is no ‘I’.

If we are referring to anything as ‘I’ which is limited then, of course, there is no such ‘I’. But if you mean the Absolute, the Self. This Self is also a term which is confusing for many because in Vedanta, we call this Self ‘The Absolute’. But in Buddhism it can be that ‘the self’ is the egoic sense of self. They would say ‘the non-self’. So, don’t worry so much about the terms.

But This, the ‘I’ that is Aware of my Existence, is not somebody else and it is not ‘I’ which can be put into any conceptual blocks. This ‘I’ which was not born and is not going to die. This ‘I’ which is the eternal subject, in a way, That which is Aware of every subject/object relationship, this ‘I’ is all there is.

[Reading from chat]: “Then where does this ‘I’ of Awareness pop up?”

Tell me about the time that Awareness was not there.

You say that ‘Awareness pops up.’ The Sages said ‘That which comes and goes is not the ultimate Reality.’ So, if someone says ‘Even this Awareness comes and goes’ …, if Awareness also comes and goes, then who sees this coming and going? Or who is aware of this?

That which is aware of Awareness coming and going is Awareness. This is what I mean by Awareness; not what you are thinking of it as.

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This ‘I’ Is Not A ‘Something’

[Reading form chat]: “In that nothing-ness, I don’t find myself as no-thing.”

So, this ‘I’ which does not find their-self as no-thing, do you find it as something? You will not find it as something also.

That is why I like word ‘no-thing’. You can use some other word. [Smiles] It’s okay. But definitely not a ‘something’. Because already you are saying ‘In the nothing, so there is no something there.’ See? (I don’t know if you are really listening to what I am saying or you are already contemplating what to say next. So, just see if you can listen for a bit.) In that no-thing- ness, no-thing-ness means that no something is there. No something is there. You say that ‘I’ do not find myself as nothing (or no-thing). So, no something is there. YOU are there to either to find yourself or not. So, this ‘I’ cannot be a ‘something.’

I use the term ‘no-thing’. You can say whatever you want.

These days I have started saying very much that the thing is that you have to include, include, include, everything into Awareness. Then do not forget to invite the elephant to this party of the ants. [Smiles] And I know that these are poetic descriptions. But when you invite your non- phenomenal in to yourself (when you include your ‘non-phenomenal self’ in to the definition of yourself) then you see that all our grievances, all our pettiness and selfishness, start to seem so meaningless. Everything which has so much concern for this ‘me, me, me, me’ starts to dissolve.

Then we come to that point where, like Sage said, this lane is very narrow. You cannot walk on it. This lane is very narrow. If what I am is that individuality, then God is not. When God IS, then I am not. Because in this ‘God and me’ you want to make this a love marriage between God and me. We start spirituality feeling like ‘Okay, I am going to have an arranged marriage with God and we will have beautiful friendship.’ [Smiles] Actually, as you start walking towards this chapel, you will find this ‘me’ at every step. You will not be able to place yourself; you will not find any other party except God. So, when you having the darshan of God there is no ‘me’ left. That is true darshan; God tasting God. And just like any relationship, the only thing that causes trouble in this relationship is ‘ego’ …, the sense of ‘me.’

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One Lie of Separation Leads to Hundreds of Lies

We are sitting in this room and suddenly a voice comes, maybe from the next room, saying ‘You had better sort out your life. You had better sort out your life; earn some money, get a proper relationship.’ So, you’re hearing this voice. Are you immediately going to BetterMatrimony.com and start looking for marital prospects? Or go to the job portal ‘Monster’ and look at jobs? Just like that? Don’t you want to know at least who is speaking; who is giving these instructions from the next room?

How is it that we seem to get these instructions and we just claim that ‘Oh, this is my voice’? This mind (that which we call ‘the mind’ …, these energy constructs that we call thoughts) they come and they say ‘This is good, this is bad; this is right, this is wrong; you must do this, you must not do this; you must have this goal or you must not have this goal.’ Isn’t it fundamental that before we accept the request (or follow the order, more likely) that we check ‘But who are you? Who is the one who is speaking?’ And in this case, actually, we can check either side: ‘Who is the one that is speaking?’ Or ‘Who is the one that is spoken to?’

Do we know either? Really? Not just to have the word for it. We can say ‘mind’ …, (‘Oh, mind is speaking’) but what does that mean?

Who is speaking (supposedly in our heads)?

Whose voice is this?

And if that is you that is speaking, who are you trying to speak to?

So, if the voice is saying ‘I know what is right for you, you better do this’ …, who is this voice trying to convince then? If you already know what is right for you and that you had better do that; if you are the speaker, then who is this voice trying to convince? What is this duality?

Even now, the voice could be coming and saying ‘Don’t listen to him, I know what is better for you.’ So, if that is your voice, then what are you doing here? That is something trying to convince you or to doubt what you are hearing in Satsang. And yet, you are here.

So, whose voice is this? How many are willing to look at this? Okay, let’s ask it in the other way. How many are just happy to just presume that ‘That is my voice’? (In a sense, the voice of the ‘me’ …, ‘my’ voice.) Are you are happy to presume; to go on as things are? Or are you willing to question:

But who is this?

Or

Who am I?

This voice is speaking to me. But who is this ‘me’?

Who am I?

Now, I can tell you some so-called after-effects of listening to this voice. The so-called after- effects are that you will start believing the three D’s; the three D’s of duality, doership and desire. Right Now, You are free of them already! If you pick up the condition that the mind is

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offering to you, then you will find that the separation (although it never really happened) you might start believing, and it might start seeming that it is true.

And once the separation starts seeming true then you can’t handle your smallness. If you feel you are just a small object (this limited body/mind) then something in you doesn’t like that also. Then you will have a desire to collect things; to have more (better objects, better feelings, better something). This is desire.

Then you will say ‘Oh, so how do I get this?’ Once you buy into this duality, desire is not far behind. Because something innately doesn’t like this small-ness; this limited-ness. Then you try to become a worldly version of success. ‘How can I have the best house? How can I have the best relationships? How can I have the most money? How can I have the best body?’ and even ‘My enlightenment should be my special enlightenment.’

And then once you start buying into this, that ‘You are not enough’ …, once you buy the idea that there is something besides Me and that you are not enough, then you identify what you think will make you full again. How rampant is this notion that a partner will complete me? How popular is the idea that you will be happy once you have all your materialistic desires fulfilled?

So, once you pick up the idea that ‘I am not all there is; there is something besides Me’ then innately you will not like this idea and will try to complete yourself and make yourself whole.

Like they say: For one lie, you have to follow a hundred lies. The first lie, if we can completely de-construct that, You find Your fullness.

If Your fullness is True then it must be Here Now.

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What Convinces You Now That You Are Limited?

Your wholeness does not come and go because then it would not be whole. So, what convinces you, now, that you are limited? Before the thought comes, what convinces you? Before you make a conclusion, what convinces you that you are separate?

Q: This body itself makes me feel I’m separate.

A:The body makes you feel you are separate? So, you’re sitting here, Right Now. There are some sensations which we call the body. Are those sensations creating a separateness? Or are we labeling the sensation as separateness?

We can go very slowly at this. If you see through this, it will be very, very beautiful.

Is the appearance of some sensations, the appearance of some perceptions, in itself, automatically creating separateness?

Or actually these sensations are just appearing in the wholeness which is you?

But when the label comes ‘me’ or the label comes ‘I’ or label comes ‘my body’ …, only then the seeming-separation seems real.

So, what is the condition, as it is? Are the sensations enough to cause separation?

Now, okay, look for yourself. I don’t want to give you too many tips because too many tips can also confuse you.

What is on ‘this’ side of the separation and ‘that’ side of the separation? The sensation is coming. You are saying that is separating. Can you tell me what is on either side of separation? To put simply, if you say that ‘That is a fence’ can you tell me what is on ‘this side’ of the fence and ‘that side’ of the fence? You have to look and tell me.

And if you want to go really slowly then you can say ‘Okay, what do we mean by body?

Is there experience of the body besides sensations?

Like you don’t know you have an ear right now until somebody comes and pulls it. Then you will have a sensation. Then ‘Ah! Ear!’

So, that which we are calling the body is just a set of sensations …, in our experience, isn’t it?

Or if you want to count sensory perceptions, then you say ‘Sensory perception and sensations.’

So, let’s use a bigger word: sensations, which includes all of this.

So, these sensations are there. What are these sensations separating?

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If you did not know the word ‘separating’ …, will there be a separation?

You see, this is the thing. It is not really a real separation, it is a make-believe one. Make-believe how? Literally. Like we label something as ‘me’ and ‘other.’ It causes us to believe that there is a ‘me’ and there is an ‘other.’ This is the entire dynamic on which the mind works. The whole premise is that there is a ‘me’ and there is ‘other.’

Now, if I told you that on ‘this side’ is Consciousness, on ‘that side’ is Consciousness and these sensations are also within Consciousness (or let’s say these sensations are also Consciousness) …, what is your experience? What is your insight about this?

Q: I’ll have to really see it to believe it.

A:Really See it. And take your time over it. Not so that you can believe it; but so, that you can See it. [Chuckles]. Actually, I know it’s a popular saying ‘I have to see it to believe it’ or things like that. But once you See it, you don’t need a belief. It’s like saying that ‘Right now we believe that the earth, is a sphere.’ But if you were to fly on a spaceship, then you would see it. Then you don’t need to believe it. You’ve seen it.

So, see what’s on both sides of the seeming-separation.

And what is that separation itself?

Is there such a thing?

And one more tip is that: you start with the presumption that there is Oneness and then tell me if something really comes and separates something.

Now, if on ‘that side’ of the picket fence, if you were not there, then how would you know that there is a ‘that side’ of the picket fence? (Are you getting the question?) If something separates and I am on ‘this side’ …, then how do I know what is [over] here? [Indicates the other side]

Are you there on both sides? Or no? Worth exploring.

It’s worth exploring because we get stuck in this idea that the body separates us. And therefore, ‘As long as I continue to experience the sensations of the body, I’ll feel separate. I must constantly have my attention only in this unadulterated Awareness …, and then I will call myself free.’ But that is not true because if that was true then once a Sage found the Truth about themselves, they world go into this deep ‘Turiya’ or sleep state (one of these states) and they would never experience the waking state again …, because you cannot experience the waking state unless there is attention on phenomenon.

So, it is not true that freedom means that my attention must only be in this non-phenomenal Awareness. In fact, there is no such thing as ‘attention’ in non-phenomenal Awareness. It is just that the string is reiterated back completely, where you cannot even tell that there is a string. So, if there is string like attention, which is getting content from everywhere, once it recedes back to

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your home (in the sense of the unchanging home) then there is no concept even of attention. Like in the sleep state you cannot say ‘My attention was on this or that.’

So, we’ve tried to demolish a few concepts. One is that body sensations cause separation which is innately present. The second is that freedom means that my attention must only be on this particular thing and then I’m free. Does it sound free to you? [chuckles] If attention was always just …? [Eyes closed and tightly scrunched face] That doesn’t sound very free. [Chuckles]

Free must be: ‘Anything can come and go but I’m free.’ Waking state can come, sleep state can come, dream state can come, anything can come in the waking state, anything can go in the waking state. That must be freedom!

There is no freedom for you (don’t miss understand what I am saying) [Chuckles] …, there is no freedom for you without having full freedom for the world. What does it mean? The Buddha said ‘When I became free, the whole world became free.’ What does this actually mean? It’s not like everybody became a Sage or something like that. Then what would we be doing here? [Chuckles] So, I realize that I am free and this world (which is just an appearance for Me) is completely free and must be given its full freedom (which is the opposite of desire and aversion).

What is desire? ‘I don’t accept which appearance is going to come next. I want to have an idea of what should come. I want only pink flowers to come.’ But life might want to show white, blue, green, yellow; everything. But when we say ‘Only this should be’ …, that is desire. Or [aversion is] when we say the opposite ‘Oh, this should not come, pain should not come, this should not come.’ So, we are trying to take away freedom from life and say ‘This is how life should be.’ So, not only do we first create a mythology about ourself (of this limited ‘me,’ individuality) and then this limited me wants to control everything that is appearing and disappearing. ‘I am entitled to this!’ No? ‘But life owes me that!’

Life doesn’t owe us anything because you don’t even exist. The one that seems so entitled doesn’t exist! You See? [Chuckles]

So, our desires and aversions are mythical. Why? Not because ‘Oh, it’s a bad thing to have desires. We should not have lust or greed or hunger.’ Not like that. But the fundamental basis that you are a separately-existing entity …, that itself is flawed. So, duality is the core misbelief; that there are two (‘me’ and ‘other’) which leads to all this doership and desire.

And naturally, none of this is present. And I’m glad you said openly that ‘It’s the body which makes me a doer.’ But it is worth exploring if this is true. And if this was true …, (and I want to say it to you because you will understand what I am saying because you have contemplated these things) [If this were true] then Jnana Yoga would not work. If it was a physical process then, just to shine your light on it, would not work. Then a physical or a manifest deconstruction would have to happen. Then better to do Hatha Yoga. If there is a physical practice which can unknot this knot, if there is really a knot, then you would need a physical practice. (I don’t know whether you are getting it.) So, if you tied a knot, if there is a big rope and the knot was actually tied, then no matter how much light you shine on it, the knot will not go. Isn’t it?

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So, Jnana Yoga is what? We are shining our own light on our Existence. We’re looking at what is true; the light of knowledge. The Guru is supposed to be the bringer of the light. But light would not be enough, then, if there was an actual physical knot. The Guru better bring a tool kit [Chuckles]

I know, it can seem a bit strange what I am saying but actually it’s very simple. I am saying that if it can be resolved just in the light of knowledge, then it must only mean that this knot was never there …, and I truly was misperceiving it or misunderstanding what I am perceiving. But once I’ve shone my true light on it, I See that it is completely unknotted already. That is the only way in which Jnana Yoga would work.

So, Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said that ‘The Truth doesn’t not need to be held. The Truth does not need to be held, it is only the false that needs to be taken away.’ Shankara [Adi Shankaracharya] said that ‘We are misperceiving the rope to a be a snake’. Therefore, in the light of Jnana (in the light of knowledge, true knowledge) you see that there is no snake. There is just a rope.

So, it is not that some actual separation is there which then has to be fixed. It just has to be seen that ‘that’ which we are calling separation has never actually separated anything. That is why it’s just a correction of misbelief. It is not a physical manifest change of anything. It can come with its own manifest changes, but those are byproducts. That’s is not the core.

Did someone get a little bit of what I was trying to say? The point is that it’s not like a physical de-coupling, then you would have to physically move it back together. Then the Seeing or the inquiry would not work. You just have to See for yourself what the Truth is and then you will see that the de-coupling never happened. There is nothing that can be de-coupled.

So, this idea that the body creates separation is false because this body is just experienced as a set of sensations (I’ll share from my experience and then you can validate if it’s true for you) …, as a set of sensations but all these sensations are contained within Me. I’m on all sides of it. I’m on all sides of these sensations. So, where is it separating?

If you can see for yourself if this is true, then you will see that no actual separation is there. These sensations are experienced in the same space of My Being where these words are experienced. I’m speaking these words. You will say ‘Okay, there is another one besides me who is speaking these words’ but where are these words being heard? In the same space where the sensations are being felt! Or no?

So, that space: is there something that you can say from experience that ‘There is something but it is not in this space.’?

You want me to repeat slowly? So, I am asking whether you can say from experience that there is ‘something’ but it is not contained in this space of my Existence?

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You cannot say. Therefore, all perceptions, all experiences, happen in this one space of My Being, My Existence. ‘I’m just the appearance of some sensations that we call the body (or some energy construct that we call the mind)’ …, is leading to no real separation.

So, we’ve taken up this space (which is actually unlimited and without any real separation) and we’ve made …, like we’ve taken a piece of paper and we’ve drawn a map on it: India, Pakistan, Russia, Europe. We’ve made all this on map. Now, if the paper starts saying but ‘I’m just Indian!’ [Chuckles]. If the paper just starts saying ‘I am Indian because of these boundaries; they separate’ …, what will you tell that paper? ‘Look beyond those boundaries and see where the rest of it is contained; also on you.’

So, every perception is experienced only in My Existence but we have learned how to separate this [outlines his physical body] map and say that ‘This is what contains me.’

Actually, the reality is more ludicrous than the paper example. Because I am not even the paper. The paper is just also My Existence, My manifest Existence.

I Am beyond even that.

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Now That I See There Is No ‘Me’ Then What About Me?

What happens very often is that you See this but our habit of separation, the habit of belief in individuality, is so strong that quickly the mind will say ‘Ah, very good, well done! Now, what does this mean for you? Do you have a halo yet? Are you going to start sharing Satsang now?’ These kinds of things it will offer.

This is where the example of ocean and coconut came from. (Some of you are new so you probably haven’t heard it.) What you are discovering is that you are the boundless ocean (as Ashtavakra said: ‘You are the boundless ocean in which the arcs of the universe, they come and go.’) He didn’t speak any small thing. [Chuckling] ‘You are that boundless ocean in which the arcs of the universe, they come and go.’ And this is actually your discovery now. But then what will happen is that the mind will come and say ‘So then, what happens to Raghavan? What happens to Ananta?’ So, you are discovering that you are the boundless ocean but the concern is still about the coconut which is floating on the surface. The insight that you are having has to not mean anything for this coconut you have considered yourself to be in the past.

It’s like saying ‘I was pretending that I am Sri Lanka but now I’ve discovered I’m the whole paper. [Ananta’s metaphor of drawing the map of the world, different countries, on one sheet of paper. The paper is the same; it’s just showing all differently-named countries.] So now, what does that mean for Sri Lanka? Like ‘What is that to you?’ You see? This is the thing that often gets us in Satsang. Sri Lanka came to Satsang and discovered that Sri Lanka was paper. Now, what will Sri Lanka’s life be like? ‘This is not it.’ [Chuckles]

That’s why sometimes in Satsang I ask a strong question: Suppose you had a beautiful sadhana now, inquiry which we do it together, but this body/mind gets no benefit from that; all benefits go to this one. [Pointing to another one sitting there] Not even friends. (Okay, it’s a friend …, but not a friend…) Suppose it goes to him. Will you be okay with that? You did the sadhana ‘Om Namah Shivaya, Om Namah Shivaya’ and you saw that You Are this boundless ocean! …, but all the halo, all the words, all the followers, everything, came to this one. [Pointing to the other one sitting there] Is that okay? [Chuckling]

This is the thing; we discover that we are everything or everything is a part of us but we still want something for the coconut. It’s not that the other one will take away your insight. I’m only saying the perks; the smile, the halo, everything. You get nothing; you have no benefit from this. You just see what You Are. You See that You are the boundless ocean. ‘All these universes have come and gone in Me millions of times, all the cycles of time and space, all of this has happened.’ And yet, you are so deeply connected (because of our conditioning, because of our habit) to this one grain of sand. Although we discovered that ‘This whole desert is nothing but an appearance within Me’ we still say ‘What is in it for that one grain on sand?’ This is where limitedness, individuality, selfishness comes back; even in spirituality. ‘I had the insight. How come he gets all the perks?’

So, once You find that You Are the ocean, then You don’t have to come back to the coconut mode.

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This is what the mind will do, especially after a very strong experience. When this body (some people call it, body-consciousness) when this sense of body-consciousness doesn’t seem so central to you (which is another way of saying this ‘me’ dissolves) then it will quickly try to bring back limitations in the mind by saying ‘So now, what is going to happen to you?’

We have a beautiful example. One time, one of the sangha members (he was in Satsang in Rishikesh, in Satsang with Guruji) and he felt that he really heard it that day! It was clear! Guruji was saying this, that; it was completely clear. So, then he started feeling ‘What does this mean now? Are people going to be able to recognize it? Are they going to come to me for Satsang?’

Satsang got over and he’s still dwelling over these thoughts. ‘It was so clear to me! I wonder if…’ So, he went out of the Satsang premises (and those of you who have been to Satsang in Rishikesh know that outside the Satsang gate, a lot of people collect there.) So, he went out, and the first thing that happened is that this lady, this foreign lady, is coming towards him at a great pace, directly. And he’s thinking ‘Ah! Can she see it? Is she going to ask me: Are you awake?’

So, she goes to him and asks ‘Are you the auto rickshaw guy?’ [Laughter in the room] And his whole bubble burst.

It’s very good, in a way, because we can have this thing, you see? It’s crazy. This is how special- ness works, even with spiritual experiences. It can be like:

‘Now that I’m Seeing that there is no ‘me’ …, what does it mean for me?’ [Laughing]

‘Now that I found that I dropped my ‘me’ …, what’s going to happen to me?!’

Some of this the mind will try and play with, and it’s okay. We might even buy it. None of this is meant to cause any guilt. I’m just trying to point out some things, just so that you can look at them. And if you’re falling for these tricks of the mind, then you can just look at it and say ‘Drop it. Another one bites the dust. It’s another trick. Drop it.’

That is the purpose of pointing these things out because many times, as these things happen, we don’t realize that the old habits are still there. So, it’s helpful that someone says ‘Look this way, look that way.’ Then you explore.

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Is There a Relation Between Thought and Action?

[Reading form chat]: “Father, is there no relation between thoughts and actions? Is thought, as a decision, not leading to action? Can the body act if you stop believing thought?”

This is very good contemplation. I am very happy to receive a question like this. Many, many, many (in fact, I will say that most) times the body is acting without believing thoughts. Like I see that I have to speak about this body. This body is speaking all these words now. It is acting. But I don’t see that this process is happening that ‘Okay, this is what I am going to say next. Better say this; don’t say that.’ It is just flowing spontaneously. Just in the same way that everything is being heard over there (seemingly) …, it is also being heard here. So, nobody. And your words are like that. I am not saying something special is happening here. It’s just that we see it differently. When you get into a conversation with someone, you might even decide ‘Okay, I better tell them this.’ But many times, you find that the words which come are something else.

I take this example of going to work because probably it happened here. [Smiles] ‘Tomorrow I’m just going to tell my boss to, you know, get lost.’ [Smiles] And you show up for work and your boss is in front of you. You had come with full stream: ‘I am going to tell him to get lost today.’ And the mouth opens and it is like ‘Sir, what work is needed to be done today?’ [Smiles] So, many times, it happens like this.

So, all three combinations are possible. Thought can come, no action might happen. Thought can come and that action might happen. Those times will lead us to this cause and effect, casualty, sort of relationship. And no thought might come and yet action might happen. So, in our life we see that all three things happen. But the mind latches on to this cause and effect, because without the story there is nothing to hang onto. That is why the great Sage Vasistha said ‘The bird flies. It lands on the branch of the coconut tree. The coconut falls. There is nothing to it.’ But the mind will say what? ‘Because the bird flew and landed on the branch therefore, the coconut must have fallen.’ But does anybody really know that? We cannot say.

Okay, let’s also presume that the first one is true, that there is a relation between thoughts and action. What is that relation? Who is the cognisor of thoughts and therefore, the decider of action? At best, if you come up with an answer, you will say ‘Consciousness.’ Then Consciousness itself created the thought. Consciousness itself created the action. We take it to be somebody individual.

That is why I say the answer to ‘Why?’ is Consciousness. It seemed like a strange answer initially; like how can the answer to ‘Why?’ be ‘Consciousness’? [Smiles] ‘Why does this happen to me?’ Okay, Consciousness. ‘Why does gravity work?’ Okay? Even for that, Consciousness might be a good answer. [Smiles] ‘Why is my girlfriend upset with me’? Consciousness. [Smiles] ‘Why can I never do anything which I decide to do?’ Consciousness. [Smiles] ‘Why is my life so bad?’ Consciousness. ‘Why is my life so good?’ Consciousness. ‘Why can I never follow up?’

If you feel so strongly related to this, then let’s look at this. If there was a strong relationship between thought and action, if everybody had a different plan for their life, was this in your plan

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ten years ago: coming to Satsang? [Smiles] I’m sure it was in nobody’s plan. And yet, you are here.

Why, in the Bible (I don’t know whether Guruji [Sri Mooji] said that it says this) …, why is it said that ‘The road to hell is paved with good intentions’? Because they said that (of course, they were talking about a completely different thing) but even there it is saying that this ‘thought, thought, thought’ and ‘intending to follow up on the thought’ is not enough. That means it cannot be directly correlated.

Guruji says ‘You are not the thinker of your thoughts and you are not the doer of your actions. Both are just appearances in Consciousness.’

What is the difference between a thought and an action? Both are just perceptions, sensations. Where are they coming from?

May I ask you something else? Do you know how to move a finger? You might say ‘Yes, I do. Here you go.’ [Moving his finger in the air] ‘But no; how do you do it? How do you fire a neuron? Do you know how the action happens?’

I was just saying the other day that a show on BBC said that many, many years ago they had done a study where they said that ‘Six seconds before even the action starts to happen, independent of whether the thought has come or not already, the nervous system is prepared to move the hand.’ It’s ground-breaking, in a way, this study.

So, there is a deeper intelligence which is working all of this. That’s why the examples are very good, like ‘The tree is not thinking of growing its next branch.’ If you look at the intelligence of this world, you will see such beautiful things. How do even new-born birds know where to fly in migration season? Are they deciding ‘Let me go west because a lake is there’? They don’t know. They are less than one year old. Everything in nature is telling us that everything is moving in this supremely intelligent way.

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Let Your Inner Stance Be Open

[Reading from chat]: “Father, there is still a wish that I do something to earn some money to make this ‘me’ independent. When someone comments on not having money, there is sadness. It feels unfair to leave it on someone else and feel irresponsible for not contributing enough. What would you say about this? Are we to do nothing?”

Earn money, its fine. [Chuckles] Have I said to anyone ‘Don’t earn money’? Earn money, don’t earn money; either way I am fine. If you earn money, you are my child, if you don’t earn money, you are my child. It has nothing to do with this. So, I am not giving you a position in terms of activity; how you should be, or how you should not be. I am telling you that your inner attitude should be position-less, your inner attitude, your inner stance, should be open like space. Then you find that sometimes this body has a lot of activity going on (and sometimes, there is no activity going on) but inwardly you are open, spacious.

So non-doership does not mean this way or that way, in terms of activity. Now to not earn money is also doership. If you take the position that ‘I am spiritual, I won’t earn money’ that is also a doing. You are doing the ‘not earning money’ in the same way as you are doing the ‘going to work and earning money’. So, the idea is not about the activity. To see that you are not the doer or non-doer because both of those terms would apply to someone …, who doesn’t exist! To See that ‘I am much beyond just the activities of this one body or the inactivity of this one body’ …, that you are neither the doer or the non-doer. You have nothing to do with what the body is going to do in a mental way. (That’s why we were talking about decision making, doership, earlier).

So, suppose you decided to make a lot of money today and tomorrow there was no life energy; the body is just not moving? Then, of what use is that decision? And suppose today you decided that ‘I am going to be a Sadhu, I am going to give up everything’ and tomorrow, all this life energy is playing through you. You are creating Google ads and you are starting a business; you are doing all of this stuff. This is how the life force plays.

But when we presume some sort of individualistic control this way or that way then we get into trouble. This is a struggle that many of us go through when we come to Advaita also. We feel like the Master is saying non-doership, so ‘I must do the non-doing. I must sit on my bed and meditate’ …, or something like that. But that’s also a doing. This realm is a realm of activity; activity will happen. Even sitting down is also an activity. Are you doing the sitting down? [Chuckles] This is the thing; the idea that there is somebody here individually doing or not doing. That is what I am asking us to inquire into. You are neither the doer nor the non-doer.

You ended…., [Reading from chat]: ‘Are we to do nothing?’

I will end on a lighter note. Nobody can ever show me this ‘do nothing’. Do nothing and show me. Do nothing. [looks around] Do nothing. You are looking. Do nothing. You are breathing. ‘Do nothing’. Who can do the ‘do nothing’? [Looks at someone]

Can you do the ‘do nothing’? Nobody can do it.

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There is no such thing as ‘do nothing’. Because this waking state is a state of activities. There is always ‘doing’ happening in this state. But you are not doing it (or at least that which you consider yourself to be is not doing it).

So, even if I were to give you an answer in affirmative ‘Yes, you are to do nothing’ who can succeed in this instruction? [Chuckles] ‘Do nothing’ means ‘See that you are not the doer. See that you are not the non-doer also.’ Because you can ‘do’ the non-doing. Like you can take the position that ‘I am not to do; I am Sadhu Baba. I will just sit in the cave.’ But you are doing the sitting in the cave.

So, forget about it.

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If Mind Doesn’t Exist, Why Do We Speak of It?

Just before I came into the Satsang hall, I got a question which was ‘If the mind doesn’t exist, then why do we speak of it so much?’ [Chuckles] ‘If the mind doesn’t exist then, basically, what is all this fuss about?’

Maybe we will look at it really slowly. We’ll look at it really slowly so that it can become a bit clearer. And if it’s not, then we can look again slowly. [Chuckles] So, let’s looks at what we mean by ‘mind’ firstly because the word ‘mind’ is not something special which inherently means something. We have defined it to mean something in particular, and in this itself, there is some confusion because of how the Sages have also used ‘mind’ traditionally. There is possibility of confusion in that. Like in India, we have the concept of ‘the Big Mind’ and ‘the small mind’.

Let’s slowly look at what we mean. In the deep sleep state or in dreamless sleep, there is no phenomenal experience whatsoever, isn’t it? That is clear for everyone, that there is no phenomena that we are experiencing when there is sleep. Then the waking state comes. When the waking state comes, what happens? What do we mean by ‘the waking state comes’? Firstly, what wakes up?

Q: I wake up.

A:‘I wake up.’ So, this ‘I’ that wakes up is which one? The ‘I’ that wakes up is which one? [Sangha says]: Awareness, Consciousness.

A:Awareness, he says. Consciousness, you say. We will come to that particular question of whether ‘It is Awareness.’ For now, let’s call it Consciousness. So, this Consciousness ‘I Am’ sense wakes up. Then what else wakes up?

[Sangha]: The whole world wakes up.

A: ‘Whole world wakes up.’ Whole world means?

[Sangha]: Perception.

A:Perceptions. What are the different types of perception? It can seem like visual perception, audio perception, smell, taste, touch (all these perceptions) and also that which we call inner perception. (We will go into that later.) [Chuckles] Inner perception means what? Imagination, memory, thoughts, feelings, emotions. It is all a bit too much because there’s so much. In our mental attempt to make sense of it, we use certain definitions. These body sensations also wake up when the waking state comes; these body perceptions are there.

So, we use some definitions to try and make some sense of what is appearing. Otherwise, it can seem like there is too much chaos to deal with; too much stimulus, too many sensations …, too much to try and fathom all of this. All of this is there dancing around. For the mind (or for our

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mental faculty, in some way) to make sense of this we need to have some definitions so that it can seem like we have understood what is going on.

So, first we will say ‘This set of sensations [Points to body] which seem so intimate in this way; body sensations, and the visual perceptions, at the center of which I seem to be. Let’s use a term for that. We will call it ‘the body.’ Nothing inherently in the body was saying ‘This is the body; I am the body.’ This is a label that we use and it is different in all languages. Then there is all of this. [Waves hand indicating in the room] If we presume that this is the body and this where I am, then everything outside of this is what we call ‘the world.’ Nothing inherently there was also saying ‘I am the world, I am the universe, I am this realm.’ These are all terms that we use.

Now, there is a particular set of sensations which are these thoughts, memories, imaginations. So, either we can just leave it at that (thoughts, memories, imaginations) and deal with that just like this or we can make another label which is ‘mind’ …, ‘this is the mind.’

The thing is that if we include imagination in that, then at some level, all of this is the imagination. ‘Image-ination.’ We create this imagery. Consciousness is projecting all of this. So, if we include imagination in the definition of the mind, then we come to the Sage’s definition of ‘the Big Mind.’ Because all of this is the imagination of Consciousness, just like a dream.

But if we use another definition, which is ‘the small mind,’ it is for this, which are these-seeming inner perception of thoughts, memories and imaginations. It is very fleeting; if we take this definition. Like Bhagavan’s [Sri Ramana Maharshi’s] definition that ‘mind is a bundle of thoughts.’ Then it has a very fleeting quality, isn’t it?

I was saying the other day ‘Instead of trying to get rid of the mind, try to hold onto it and tell me if you succeeded.’ The thought comes and it goes. So, when there is thought we call that ‘mind’ and when the thought is not there we call that ‘no-mind’. It’s a very fleeting quality. So, when it is there, we say it’s ‘mind’ and when it’s not there, there is ‘no-mind’.

In fact, I rarely ever say that ‘the mind does not exist’ and even if I do say it, I mean that the one that it is seeming to represent; that one does not exist.

So, who is this voice representing? The seeming-person. Let’s not even say the term ‘ego’ because the term ‘ego’ also has many, many different meanings. If you speak to people on the street and you say ‘You seem to have an ego’ they will be like ‘No, I am very nice and very humble.’ So, this can seem like ‘I am not egoist’. But if you say ‘You are a person?’ they will say ‘Of course I am person.’ So, the way we use the term ‘ego’ in Satsang is for this idea, this sense of belief in a separate entity called a person.

Now, you’ll notice that as these thoughts come they are presenting this limited persona, they are claiming the existence of this limited persona, which when we investigate for ourselves …, like when the mind says or if this thought says ‘There is a Santa Claus sitting at the end of this room’ we cannot just believe it because it is saying it. It says all kind of things. So, what is worthy to look for is whether there is really a Santa Claus sitting at the end of this room; and you find that it is not there. So, you can say ‘Okay, Santa Claus does not exist; at least in this room.’ [Smiles]

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So, in the same way, when you are looking at what the mind is saying about me …, when we look for this ‘me’ we find that this ‘me’ does not exist. The one that is limited does not exist.

So, when we are saying ‘the non-existence of this ego’ we are talking about that which the mind is claiming to represent; that who the mind is claiming to represent. That one does not exist. So, it is mostly like that.

Now, if we use a higher definition of what exists and what does not exist, if we go with Vedanta and the Sages, they say that ‘Only the Real exists.’ Okay, only the real exists. How to find that? ‘That which does not come and go is Real’. They have said ‘That which does not come and go is Real.’

So, if you apply that parameter, then what exists? By that definition, no phenomena ultimately exists. What can we say about that witness? That which witnesses the coming and going of phenomena, that is what we usually call Awareness. So, even the coming and going of the sense of Existence (My Being, Atma) is being witnessed by That which is the Absolute (or we’ll call it Brahman or the Self).

This is how the terminology can get confusing sometimes. And we use language to be able to point to certain elements of our experience but that doesn’t mean that inherently it exists in that way. So, the mind appears as an energetic construct which is called the thoughts and similar energies like imagination, memory. It seems to appear and disappear just like all other appearances do. So, I hope that clarifies a little bit.

Now, why do we always pick on the mind? (This is the next question.) Why is it that all these appearances come but we’re always saying ‘Oh, that is mind; that is mind leave it alone; don’t believe what it is saying.’ It’s because there is nothing else in this world of appearances, even in the waking state, which is conveying a limitation. There is nothing else inherently which is pointing to a limited ‘me.’ Everything else is completely operating in Oneness, Wholeness. (Even these are terms but you know what I mean.) But there is one voice which is convincing you that you are this limited entity. Just like saying that there is Santa Claus in this room. Have we seen this Santa Claus? And it is not just that it is convincing you that there is a Santa Claus in the room (it’s a harmless myth) …, it’s that with this limitation also comes suffering. Because then, if I am limited, then I can have a grievance against you, then I can have a desire for something, then I can have this doership (that I have to do or not do). What is suffering but all of these things; grievances, pride, arrogance, guilt …, all of these terms? That is another bigger term to define the whole box of them, which is called suffering.

So, it is not a harmless belief like ‘Oh, there might be something up there in the sky above.’ It’s okay; sometimes these kinds of beliefs can be there but they don’t really seem to harm us at all. But it is this belief in an individual existence which has become the premise for most of humanity. That’s why it can seem like (even the Buddha said ‘The world is suffering’) it can seem like that, that the world is suffering.

This is why we look at the mind and say ‘Is there another device which is convincing you that you are limited?’ Yesterday when we looked at this in the great detail, where he said that ‘The

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appearance of the body or the sensations of the body itself convinces me that I am a separate entity.’ We looked at that and we looked at the sensations of the body, the visual perceptions of the body, and we checked: Where are they being perceived? We saw that all of this is in the one space of My Existence; there is no separation there. Just like this space …, where is this space perceived? Even this space is perceived. This space, that contains all of these objects …, even this space is perceived.

What is that space which perceives this space? [Spreads hands to indicate physical room] Even this space is perceived. Where is this space in which this space is perceived?

Now, you cannot solve this. And even if you have the answer, you cannot rely on it. You cannot compute your way to this answer. You can just have an intuitive insight about this; you can look within intuitively: All of this is here, within the space of my Existence. Then it will become clear what Bhagavan meant when he said ‘All of this appears in the light of Consciousness, on the screen of your Consciousness. There is nothing apart from You’.

So, let all of these terms not be just very fanciful concepts that we picked up from the Sages. Let these become our true insight.

Now, as we are coming to this insight, this voice will come and it will say ‘But who is going to pay your bills? But what will you get as a result of this? But what about this? What about your emails? What about (something)?’ This voice will come, again proposing to you that you are a limited entity, that you were born and you will die. Proposing all of these limited notions about yourself to you, this voice will come. That’s why it is said in Satsang to ‘Look beyond the mind, look for yourself for what is true.’ Because this voice is designed to be this false narrative; the narrative which is trying to convince you that you are a character in this movie; not the screen, not the projector, not the witness but a character in the movie. But there is no actual, real evidence of this.

That’s why we seem to be always picking on the mind. [Laughs] Like yesterday also I was saying that sometimes I used to get this complaint ‘But the mind is also Consciousness. Why are you are always going after the mind?’ Everything is Consciousness, including the mind. But in the play of Consciousness, all opposites are present. So, there is an intuition which is pointing to your Truth …, but there also is the opposite pointer, which is called the mind.

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You Are Beyond Maya

As, more and more, we come to our notionless existence, we find that we do not need to make any distinctions, even between ‘awareness’ and ‘consciousness’ …, even between ‘phenomenal’ and ‘non-phenomenal’ …, between any quality. Nothing causes a real separation.

So, Papaji [Sri Poonja] said ‘Nothing has ever happened’ that no real distinction has ever come in to play.

You are the same one who was present in your deep sleep. You are the same one who was present in your deep sleep. The appearance of your manifest aspect was not added to you. It is just a play of YourSelf, tasting yourself in a manifest way.

So, what can happen here in this play, in this phenomenal appearance? It can’t hurt you, in reality, unless you consider yourself to be something first. And you cannot do that, again, without the ‘mind’ [Smile] without a notional boundary which divides, which makes a distinction. ‘I am here’ and ‘you are there.’ But this is just a soup of sensations. [Smiles] And this entire soup of sensation, entire play of phenomenon is where?

Q: It is in space.

A:Where is the space which comes? (And in that space, all this comes.) Where is that space? In which space is this space born?

This is a non-spatial space.

We have to still say ‘space’ because it has the space for something to be born. Yet, it is not that type of space which can be measured. For the space of this room, I can say height, length, breadth. But this space of my Being, who can measure that?

That is why the Sages have said that maya, another definition of maya, is ‘That which can be measured.’

But You are beyond maya. You are the immeasurable One.

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What Is the Relationship of the Snake with the Rope?

Q:You used to say, if you put a piece of ice into a glass of water, right at the edge of the ice cube there is a point where it is neither ice nor water at the same time. Is there some kind of point where physical, measurable space meets non-spatial space? Or is it that actually, they are the same, like in the same way as Being and pure Awareness?

A:You cannot put it into physical terms again. The sense is that it is so empty of these attributes that you cannot say it like this. The point would mean a point in space. So, it cannot be. It’s just like, what is the relationship of the snake with the rope? At which point do they meet or not?

Strangely the rope Itself has given Itself the capacity for it to seem like there is a snake. So, at which point can we say that there is an overlap between them?

Q: It’s just a ‘seeming’.

A: It’s a ‘seeming.’ Exactly.

Q: How can we verify that in our experience that it’s just a ‘seeming’?

A:This is what is being verified; the sense that that which is real seems to be that which is durable …, that ‘Okay, all of this happens but I remain untouched by it.’ If I remain unaffected by something then it seems more and more dreamlike as it goes on. Then when we come to the waking state, what do we say about the dream? ‘Ah, it seemed like there was this world; there was a house in it, I was living in that house.’ It ‘seemed’ like. What is ‘seeming’ in it? Something which is not real can ‘seem’ to present itself as reality.

So, then this experience becomes more and more dreamlike, because You See that You are not contained in it in any way. Then you might start using these terms (which you don’t have to) …, you might not say ‘It’s a seeming’ or you might say ‘It’s a play.’ You might say ‘It is I, tasting MySelf in a phenomenal sort of way.’

So, these explanations are not really so important. It can just feel like ‘How do you describe the dream last night?’ You say ‘It seemed like I was in this place and this happened.’

Q:So, when we say, there is a space-less space or a non-spatial space, could we also say it is a potential or capacity, because the mind often imagines spatial space and non-spatial space.

A:Yes, like a big space. [Chuckling] It has no attribute like that. But actually, there is no word we can truly use. We can say potential, of course. Then even this potential can have an energetic sort of …, like a holding up of energy [Opens his hand] which is then available for it to be used.

But this potential is so strange that the manifest also comes. So, the seeming potential energy does get manifested but That remains just the same. There is no change.

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So, if we were to use these physics terms like potential energy or kinetic energy, then you would say ‘Okay, the potential got used up and it transformed into this sort of energy.’ Here we cannot say that because that’s why that mantra from the Vedas: ‘Om Purna Midam, Purna Midam’ states that ‘From Wholeness, wholeness comes and yet the Wholeness remains untouched.’ So, this is unique and we cannot slot it in any phenomenal sort of way. That is why it is so strange.

Q:So, obviously there is a contemplation of that time and space. If we don’t hold onto any notions then at a certain point of time …, because you’re saying that basically the best and the fastest and easiest way to contemplate what’s not real is …, like ‘What snake-ness does the rope have?’ So, the easiest way to contemplate that is to discover that it’s a rope.

A: Yes.

Q:Because then you see it was never a snake. Then the question ‘Where does the snake begin’ is void. So, if we stay with notion-less-ness, at some point this distinction between space and space-less space [shows that] space-less space is the reality.

A:This is very good what he’s saying. In our notion-less-ness; I often say that the Truth is completely apparent to us. It’s just that Now, all of this is completely apparent to you but what has happened is that the mind has not yet acclimatized. So, what happens is that we might not yet have the vocabulary or the conceptual presentation of what is happening, so it can just feel like

… [wordless silence]

If you could just speak from what you See (and the speaking is not the important part, anyway) you would just find that ‘I Am’ (You could say) ‘and I’m aware of This.’

So, that which we’ve been searching for or trying to get to, the Absolute, is completely apparent to you in this notion-less-ness. But the mind is not satisfied with this kind of ending to the movie. It will say ‘Seeking has been going on. The movie is still here.’ You see? Like sometimes I used to say that if your autobiography was being written and you’re coming to a beautiful point, and then one day nothing happened and the pen stopped writing, would you be okay? To the mind, it is unsatisfactory because you want a … [Opening his hands wide] At some level we hate those movies which end abruptly. [Chuckling] So, it [mind] wants to then have a say, to beat the bad guy; all of it needs to happen for it.

So, in a way, we can call it ‘the giving up of the mind’ at some level …, and then moving to relying on this other device, which is our intuitive voice, which is available to share from this higher perspective, higher view.

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A Report Without a ‘But’ at the End

[S]: = Speaker in sangha

S:The ‘Is-ness’ does not need any quantification.

A:Yes.

S:It is non-quantified.

A:Yes.

S:And there is a tendency to glorify the Self, which cannot be touched.

A:Yes.

S: Even the finest words can’t touch it.

A: Exactly.

S:And this tendency to storify this content-less vast ocean of Being, of Self, is an aberration of the mind.

A:Yes.

S:It is totally you cannot express in expressible.

A:Yes.

S:It can just be…

A:Yes

S:Dive into to experience tasted without any expression.

A:Yes.

S:It Itself expresses everything.

A:Yes.

S:It is seen here as a screen which encompasses everything.

A:Yes.

S:Space manifests out of it, forms manifest out of it.

A:Yes.

S:But the mind sees form and space, which is just a manifestation out of it.

A:Yes.

S:And can be expressed, the ideas expression, we just sit there, as ItSelf and enjoy Itself .

A:Yes, yes.

S:It’s what we call the feet of the Guru.

A:Yes.

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S:Ah …, and in that, there is a love, peace and endless devotion. All dies in that. [Silence]

S:It is so loud in silence. Silence is so loud….

A:Yes.

S:You know that.

A:Very good. I am so happy that sometimes we receive a report which does not have a ‘but’ at the end. You know this is like ‘no but.’

S:The content is such small energy forms.

A:Yes.

S:So miniscule, but it is given such credence. It is so silly, isn’t it?

A:Yes.

S:That is why we call them ‘children.’

A:Yes.

S:Once who knows that, it’s like children which arises from them.

A:Yes.

S:Thought forms.

A:Ah…?

S:We are only thought form, isn’t it?

A:We are…?

S:You know, that which manifests is only thought forms.

A:Yes.

S: But that’s not what we are.

[Laughing together with his tears]

S:Thank you so much.

A:You are welcome.

S: To be in your Presence is just…

[Silence]

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All Is the Will of Consciousness

[Reading from chat]: “So, Father it is Consciousness that is agreeing to the existence of what these energies (thoughts) are saying that it is; agreeing that it is what the thoughts say it is?”

Yes. Only Consciousness. Consciousness Itself agreeing to its own limitation and playing in that way. That is the only one who could agree or not agree. That is why Guruji [Sri Mooji] might say ‘Satsang is rehab for God, by God’. [Chuckles] So, it is Consciousness Itself that agrees to play with its limitation. (Of course, as it is playing, it doesn’t seem like a play.) Nobody else is naturally Here. There is not a ‘God’ and ‘me’ both together here, right now. In fact, it is never ‘God’ and ‘me.’ But when we buy into these notions, when we agree to what the mind is saying, then it can feel like, it can seem like there is a ‘me’ which is separate from the rest, which is separate from God or Consciousness (whatever term we use).

And that’s why Bhagavan’s [Sri Ramana Maharshi’s] suggestion to inquire ‘Who am I?’ cuts through all of this. And we find that the landing place for all our grievances, our irritations, all our ideas, plans, all our arrogance; there is no such landing place. So, it attacks this idea at the root. When we look for ‘Who am I?’ then we say, just Consciousness is Here. Now, what does this Consciousness actually want? Your Being; what does it inherently want or not want? It doesn’t have anything personal about it.

[Reading from chat]: “So, Consciousness has a choice to play or not?”

Yes. The only will there is, is the will of Consciousness. If there is such a thing as will, it belongs to the only existent Being that is Here and that is Consciousness. That is why we can say ‘Everything is the Guru’s grace; everything is grace of God or Consciousness’ (whatever term we use). The prayer of surrender is: ‘You are the doer and You are the experiencer’ …, basically implying that ‘You are the only existent Being.’ There is nobody else.

[Reading from chat]: “Say again.”

So, you say ‘Does Consciousness has a choice to play or not?’ and I was saying that if there is such a thing as will, it belongs to this Being, this Consciousness, alone. So, all is the will of Consciousness.

This will (we can say ‘choice’) …, if it is Consciousness’s will that it’s going to play in a limited way, if it’s going to give assent to these thoughts, it will. Or it is Consciousness’s play, the projector’s so-called choice, what it is going to project on the screen. Even this play of reminding Itself of its own truth is just the will of Consciousness. The play to get deluded and to come out of delusion is both the will of Consciousness Itself.

Now, sometimes when we hear this, we can feel like ‘Okay, then it has nothing to do with me. It is just for Consciousness to do. What does it have to do with me?’ Then again, we could be making a distinction between Consciousness and me.

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What Is Closer Than Truth?

[Reading from chat]: “Father it has been feeling that freedom is so close; just beyond this wall of distracting thoughts that seem to fill my awareness and block my path and my field of vision. I see this as the larger space of awareness but I felt to expose it and offer it at your feet, in the heart.”

A: [Closed eyes] Freedom is close …, but even that is not close enough. [Smiles]

What is closer than close?

What needs no path?

Not a step, no journey?

What is that …, which doesn’t need even a thought to be stirred?

No feeling even of peace, joy, love has to arise.

Nothing has to happen.

What is that?

This Presence which you are tasting Now is ever-free.

But It has given Itself the ability to wear these masks.

[Meditative Silence]

So, before we decide whether it’s close or not, we must first clarify our starting point. And if at the starting point itself, you find that you are free [Chuckles] …, then? No journey left. But then even that ‘no journey’ or ‘no seeking’ can become a concept.

How many of you feel that even after coming to Satsang (and its fine, completely fine like that) that you have not tasted the Presence which is spoken of? (You can say this Being or Consciousness or Atma.) I just want to know for some feedback: Do you feel that ‘this sense is apparent’ or ‘it’s a bit doggy’ or ‘actually no idea.’ What would you say?

Apparent? How many? Please raise your hand.

Q:Here it was just feeling like while I was walking, for no reason, I was just feeling silence. I just don’t know if it’s my mind.

A:Silence cannot be mind. So, it’s not mind.

Q: You can reach that state any time? Is it real?

A:Before you can reach that state, is it not already Here? These states will come and go.

Q:Is it like I remember this state?

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A:All states will come and go. Everything became silent as you were walking and just something [Makes a gesture of dropping everything] became silent. But You were still there. That which Saw that something was noisy, noisy …, and then something became silent. So, You saw that, without the noise, Your Being was just there. Now the same Being is Here. The same Existence is Here.

Sometimes then the noise can seem to come back …, but nothing really happened to That.

What can happen in these spiritual experiences of awakening is that, after they happen, it can feel like ‘I must hold onto this’ or after they are gone we feel like ‘Oh that should not have gone. That is freedom! Once I get to that permanently, then I will be free.’ But it is not that.

It is showing you that all these states can change, but you remain what You Are. Freedom is not the holding onto a particular state; freedom is the allowing of all the states to come and go.

As everything fell away, You were there. And as things come back, You were still there. Is that You really affected by the coming and going of this? It was only our conclusions which are affected. ‘Oh, that was it. I should have that only.’ You see? Like that.

So, freedom means to allow all these states to come and go.

Because the trouble (again, I am saying trouble) with spiritual experiences is that the mind can latch on to those and say ‘That! That must be …, then you are free’. But it is not that. Everything can be, but You are free.

Then sometimes, when we have these notions that ‘It must be that’ …, there may be a fresher, deeper experience which was waiting to come [Smiles] but we are saying ‘No, no, I want only that.’

So, freedom is a big allowing. And as you are open, you will see that all these beautiful insights will come. But we will not get attached even to these.

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Be Here with Me Right Now

[Reading from Chat]: “Father I only say all this because after so long here with you and Guruji [Sri Mooji] it still wants to play as pretense, and it is experienced as you say as this nihilism. Daily the thoughts are like this and it is only being here and trusting you more that I find some reason to stay in this play …, and the girls. [Her daughters] Otherwise, there is this feeling to quite willingly leave this play.”

Now, what does the nihilism say? That you can leave this play by killing yourself or suicide or somethings like that. What am I saying? You leave this play as ‘person’ and play as God …, (which has always been Your true position, anyway). Because nobody, no nihilist, can tell you that the ending of this body will be the end of this play. So, as bad as this play might seem at the current time, who knows? [Chuckles] You don’t want to go from the frying pan into the fire.

So, we snap out of this play; not in the way that this nihilistic mind is telling you, but in the sense of Be Here with me Now.

Now, this trust that you speak of is very good because you know then that I am not just making up these fancy words. This is what was tasted here, is tasted here. It is possible to snap out of this identity.

And if I do that ‘Now. Now. Now.’ thing with you now, you will see that there is nothing to fret about. It’s very beautiful like this. The other day, someone who has not been in touch with me for a long time, they got in touch and they said ‘Father, just explain it to me very simply because I am tired of this life and I don’t know what to do. I have no peace. So, just like a little child, you explain it to me very simply.’ And I just said to them that ‘When you look within, what do you find? Who is here?’ And in that moment, something became clear and they said ‘This is the Divine Presence which has always been Here.’

Simpler than snapping your finger. What is it that takes no time? And I know that you know all of this; you’ve heard of this from me before. But the thing is, every moment is auspicious to dip in again. If we keep saying ‘Yeah, I know all of this. He’s said it before.’ …, (you know, this kind of thing) then we again can activate this pretense more and more.

But just, like Now …, What’s your trouble?

If, in your original nature which is available to you every moment, all of this (whatever you might have believed for the last ten thousand lives) is not there, then you are tasting this Divine Presence which I am speaking of.

As who? As the Divine Itself.

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This Beautiful ‘I Don’t Know’

[Reading from chat]: “Father, it appears that pain takes me closer to truth and pleasure takes me further away. How to deal with desire for pleasure, without taking a position of renunciation?”

Now, what I am going to say might sound very difficult. But actually, it is the simplest. Don’t take any position with regard to anything. Even drop these conclusions that ‘Pain takes me closer to truth, pleasure takes me further away.’ Nobody actually knows these things. And who are we talking about anyway? So, see if it is possible for few minutes, for few seconds, to live a label- less existence; like the simple not-knowing of anything. The beautiful ‘I don’t know.’

Don’t try to solve these problems. Just step back. Because the mind will give you lots of problems which have no solutions. Beings have been trying to solve these problems for thousands and thousands of years. But when you step back, you will See: What problem? Who does it belong to? [Smiles]

That is why these books like ‘Yoga Vasistha’ sometimes are very good. Because Vasistha will say that ‘The seventh son of the woman who had no children. That seventh son, he had a dream in which he was a king. And in that kingdom, he had these problems.’ It can sound like a very strange story. [Chuckles] But this is our life. The non-existent one has lots of problems to deal with. How to solve them?

You know what? One problem I have also seen with many who come to Satsang is that they would not know what to do if they had no problem. They are just like ‘The basis of my life is problems. I have to have something to solve them.’ We have this. Some of us are like these ‘solvers.’ The main identity is the ‘solver.’ We just feel like ‘If I have no problem to solve then what is the point?’ [Smiles]

Q: Boredom.

Yeah. So, then how do we solve the boredom problem? You know? This kind of thing. Everything becomes like that.

But the life of the Sage is not like that. That is why it is so beautiful to have living Masters who will show you that life will continue, you know? Nothing has to stop in the way of worldly appearance. And it is completely possible to have a problem-less life.

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Finally, There Is Only One Seeming-Problem

I just want to say finally, there is only one seeming-problem. And that seeming-problem is that God’s Presence has been mistaken to be the presence of an individual.

When you say ‘I exist’ it can seem like you are speaking of the existence of some person or some individual, but that ego just doesn’t exist.

When you truly taste Your Presence, tell me if you find a person there.

This is what I was actually asking earlier: When you say Presence or Your Being, does it seem apparent or does it seem completely unclear? As you taste Your Presence now, did you find somebody who has likes and dislikes; a plan? Is that inherently present in the Presence?

Who is this one?

Whose Presence is this?

Even before you can say ‘I am sitting’ …, there is ‘I Am.’

Whose ‘I-Am-ness’ is this?

Is there a person sitting there waiting to get to God?

Or these are just ideas?

What do you find when you look?

Did you find Santa Claus? [Chuckles]

Who did you find when you looked?

So, this is the problem of the Master. I want to give freedom to somebody. But I never find that one to give freedom to. Because everyone I meet is free. [Smiles] Who should I give it to? Show me the one that is bound. I want to give this gift of freedom to someone. Show me the one that is bound and I’ll give it. Present that one. Like Guruji [Sri Mooji] would say ‘Let that one present itself in the witness box.’

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Seva Is Very Beautiful

A:What would you like to speak about? [Someone in sangha]: Seva.

A:Seva is very beautiful. [Smiles] I remember many, many, years ago, I was a part of a very large Sangha with a different Master. It was twenty years ago. [Smiles] This young kid joined this big Sangha and he was doing the advanced course. As part of the advanced course then, I was living in a big ashram and everybody had to do some seva. And you know the seva I got?

The first time I really did seva in my life and I got the seva which is called ‘garbage seva.’

[Smiles] So, I got this garbage seva and as it happened, they were trying an experiment. They wanted to separate recyclable and non-recyclable. But they hadn’t yet gotten multiple bins and things like that. So, what would happen is that they would have the morning meditations (very peaceful, very nice) and after that, seva time. [Smiles] The job was to walk around this huge ashram, go to all the bins and to separate. [Recyclable and non-recyclable] They didn’t have the concept of gloves or anything; just separate it by hand, that which I felt was recyclable and that which was not recyclable. So, like that.

First, initially, there was a lot of irritation and frustration, anger. ‘What are we doing? Should I just leave it and go?’ These kinds of things were happening and there was a lot of burning. But I kept doing this. And in the heat, you are carrying this garbage so you are starting to smell bad. Right? So, all the triggers, all the buttons, got to be pressed here. Especially because this one has lead a pretty comfortable life; pretty cushy in terms of not having to do much housework and things like that. [Smiles] So, this was the first seva that I got. And you know, the Satguru has a great sense of humor; the Master already knows which buttons to press. So, this was getting pressed really hard. [Chuckles]

This is my first experience of seva. After few days, I realized that so many of my emotions, so many ideas (that we cannot touch this, we cannot do this, we cannot walk with garbage and you cannot dig into it) …, all these started to fall away and it was fine. By the third or fourth day, it was just fine. It was not a big deal. It was just that I have to quickly finish it off, have a quick shower and come to the next session. So, that was the only thing. The rest of it (to separate the garbage and do all of this) was just fine. But the lesson was ‘What was I considering not fine before that?’ And then having gone through that, you see that it is fine. It is just our ideas which seem to create these problems.

I know that there are many of you here who are doing some seva also, with transcripts and quotes. [etc.] And because we don’t have an ashram, there’s not so much physical seva to do. But seva is like: these videos, making some highlights, typing some transcripts. And I know that even in this, a lot of buttons in the last four/five years have been pressed; there are a lot of things which can come up in seva. And some were starting new and already it’s starting to burn something. It’s very nice. [Smiles]

Seva is very, very strong Satsang; very potent Satsang. The other reason why it is strong Satsang it is because everybody is a boss. I mean, the Master is the boss but after that everybody is the

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boss. [Smiles] So, there is nobody who is going to give you a raise or who can fire you. These things don’t happen, especially in a small sangha like this; there is no hierarchy. So, you can just feel like ‘Why should I listen to this one? I might know better.’ Nobody calls the shots, so it’s every man, woman, to herself, to himself. It can be chaotic in that way and this is another way that buttons can be pressed. Because at least at work, you have a set system and you can hate your boss but then, beyond that, there is not much else to do. You know you can hate your boss (like everybody at work). [Chuckles] But here, there is no boss and yet some have their way getting things done in a certain way. Some have victim thoughts, so they cannot speak up; all this potential for, again, buttons to get pushed.

So, it is proper, proper Satsang. You know? I speak of ‘the rubber hitting the road.’ Many times, seva can be a big, big ‘rubber hitting the road.’ And then our notion-less-ness, position-less-ness …, all of this gets tested.

Actually, for seva, it is never really for an outcome itself. If nothing productive came out of it, just the seva by itself will be a very, very useful sadhana. It will be a very, very useful Satsang. Because it is very easy to be enlightened in a cave. You don’t have to deal with other’s issues and other’s problems. Once you get used to the lifestyle and the lack of things in a cave, it can be quite peaceful. But it is only in a Sangha …, and there is no real hierarchy and you have to face all that seeming-malicious intent and politics and all of these things (which are completely possible in a Sangha). Then it can feel like a very, very strong (very, very strong) Satsang.

But the devotion in our hearts, the feeling in our heart that ‘It pleases my Master. I want to be in service to my Master’ …, leading to devotion like ‘You have put me in this situation? You must be having a good laugh!’ [Chuckles] Not maliciously; but you know sometimes parents do throw their kids in the deep end so that they can learn fast and learn well. [Smile] And also a good laugh because he knows that ‘Everything is fine, everything is always taken care of.’

It’s very, very beautiful. Here we try to keep it very much like Satsang. Because what is the seva for? The ones who are doing transcripts many times come back with the report which says ‘Wow, Ananta, I didn’t even hear. I was there in that Satsang, but I didn’t hear anything that you said. When I do the transcript, I realize that I didn’t know you were speaking of all this. This is what he answered; every question …, but I didn’t hear.’ So, transcripts are very good because you really immerse yourself in the words of the Master. While hearing, it gives you a good opportunity to hear things at your pace. Because this one here [Ananta] speaks a little fast sometimes so it can seem like I make a lot of points very quickly. It can just feel like, many times, it’s difficult to keep up. So, when you are doing your transcripts you can pause and just immerse yourself in that.

That is what I meant that even if the transcript never came out, if no book ever came out, even that is completely fine because in doing the transcripts you have immersed yourself so much in Satsang that you see it in a fresh light, you get a fresh insight into things which you might not have heard or considered when you are attending live. Same for highlights or videos. You go through that portion of your life, of ‘What is he saying?’

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One of the Sangha members the other day was doing a transcript. And as she was doing the transcript for the first time, she was like ‘Wow, I did not realize what you are saying. Do you realize how you speak?’ she told me. And I looked at it with her. She said ‘Many times, you just start saying something and it doesn’t feel like anybody knows where this is going. But somehow it goes to somewhere. The sentences seem to complete themselves. It seems to be pointing to something.’ So, when you’re doing transcripts, it can feel like that; that many, many sentences start off from one place and then they meander somewhere else and then they come back to somewhere else. But if you are doing the transcript, you will see that this seems to flow with an intelligence which is beyond our usual mental sort of conceptual knowledge.

So, this is very good. Also, this new seva is to share these beautiful pointings. What is the pointing actually? The pointings which actually we want to point …, what is it? All that which takes us beyond our ‘me, me, me’ …, beyond our individualistic sense of existence to a greater reality; to that which is beyond the ‘me.’ That is a pointing. So, if it is pointing to something which is talking about your universality, your unlimited-ness, that Reality which is beyond that which comes and goes (or even just a higher perspective than just that constant ‘me’ mantra) this for me is a beautiful pointing.

So, something here wanted to be more and more in service to this. Because it doesn’t have to be (all our seva doesn’t have to be) Ananta, Ananta, all the time. Decent words, decent expressions of what is being shared here …, there are so many beautiful voices which have been sharing for generations, for thousands of years. Their bodies might have gone, but their voice remains, in a sense, their pointing remains. So, I felt like having a small project like that where you could share the words of Sages across the centuries, across the traditions, across religions.

And the second part was that all of us have to just log onto any of these social media platforms and you see that everyone is like ‘I am the best, my tradition is the strongest, my culture and my religion is the only one, is the true religion and my truth is the only truth.’ Then all these divisive kinds of things happen. That is the disadvantage of everyone having a soapbox to stand on. [Smiles] Everyone can have a soapbox where they can go and stand and share. And the thing is that everybody’s opinion seems like it is right to them. So, whatever opinions we have seem like they are right. Obviously, they are going to share those. [Smiles] So, the thing is that too many of these divisive opinions are being shared. And this, I feel, is just adding (at least here in India, it seems to be adding) a lot more antagonism, a lot more friction between religions, communities, traditions; all of these things. So, I felt like ‘Let’s have (in writing also) some things where all of these writings from various cultures and traditions can be shared, without worrying about who is speaking them or which religion they belong to.’

So, this one is a nice project, I feel also. And the best part even about this one is that if no post ever comes up, at least we dug into these pointings which point us beyond our ego, point us beyond our individuality, to something that is greater.

So, these are the lines of seva that we have. And we are lucky, in the sense that this Sangha is small so our seva is very immersive in this way.

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But the main thing in seva, of course, is keep your eyes at the Master’s feet. Keep your head at the Master’s feet and you will be fine. If seva becomes mainly ‘My seva’ or ‘What I am doing, what I have produced’ then that is no longer seva. Seva means ‘self-less’ (or we should call it ‘ego-less’) …, self-less service or ego-less service is what seva means. But if it also becomes about ‘me, me, me’ and ‘What I am doing’ and ‘How much I have helped’ then …,

I remember one man who came to Guruji’s [Sri Mooji’s] Satsang and he said ‘I have done this. I have taken care of so much, and I have done all of this. What are all of you doing? You are just sitting around and inquiring. But I have made so much of a difference in this world.’ [Smiles] (This kind of thing.) Then Guruji says ‘So, then what was God doing before you were born?’ Do you remember this? [Chuckles]

So, if it becomes about ‘me, me, me’ and ‘what I have done’ and ‘how much I have helped the world’ then that is no longer seva.

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Who Is Here for Real?

For all those who have come to Satsang, if it’s still about the ‘me, me, me’ then I have to say that is no longer a way to live your life. Just like you picked up this jacket of ‘me’ and then you felt like you must make it better and better and you’ve been collecting rocks in your pocket. ‘But I will make it. I will make it one day.’ Like that. [Chuckles] The Master says ‘Take off this ‘me’. Live as God. God is Here as Your holy Presence. You don’t need any of this; this so-called treasure that you feel you’ve been collecting. Just take off this burden.’ And initially you feel like ‘No. But this is my treasure. I’ve been collecting all of this; all my experiences, all my memories, all my great ideas about myself, all my conceptual insights which I think I know.’ Take it all off. ‘Okay, okay. You are the Master, I have to follow you. But this one rock, can I keep it on my head and go?’ No, no, not that rock. It’s not a treasure. It’s not giving you any peace.

So, the way to live is to Now drop all of these conditions. See who is Here for Real. Who is Here for Real and not just a passing coming-and-going? Who is Here for Real? What is That one’s name? Because the passing one, where is it going to go to? What is the end; what is the end game?

Suppose you collected the best ideas. You compute; you found a great equation. You found the next theory of relativity. You computed it. You have the best concept. You’ve even written it down. Now, what is going to happen to all of these ideas? Will you carry them with you after death? So, then, the Sages have set the bar really high. When they say ‘Real’ they don’t mess around. [Laughs] When they say ‘Real’ they don’t mess around, but they are saying ‘That which does not come and go. It is the Unchanging. That is the Real.’

Now, one thing we can say is that there is nothing ‘Real.’ But even to say that, what position do You have to be at? Everything is coming and going. What do You have to Be to See that everything is coming and going?

So, these spectacles, [Moves them in front of himself] they are coming and going; now they’re gone. [Hides them] [Chuckles] Then something else is coming and going. Then for something that itself is coming and going, you can make a valid report saying that ‘Everything is coming and going.’ It itself would have gone …, or it is seen that ‘Some things came and went in front of me but ultimately, I am also a coming-and-going.’ But what is, then, steady?

A simpler example is that you say that ‘This wall is so unpredictable because every day when I see it, it’s a different colour. One day its red. One day its green. One day its blue. So, all these colours are coming and going.’ So, to say that all this is coming and going; can you, as red, say everything is coming and going? Can you, as green, say everything is coming and going? All colours are coming and going. You cannot, because you yourself have gone. You’re not there now to see what else is coming.

So, to report that everything is coming and going, what must be That which is the witness of it? What perceives the change in everything?

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‘What is Real’ means that which Itself is the Unchanging and is not a made-up idea. So, I mean that we’re really not fooling around or otherwise you can create an idea and say ‘Oh, the soul, the Self, God, does not come and go.’ But the Sages have said ‘No, not just an idea you have. It must be your insight. It must be your intuitive insight or a deeper insight which you can really testify to; not just a concept you heard from somewhere, not just a belief you have.’

Now, if these two filters are applied: That which is Unchanging

and

that which is your direct insight,

then what is left now? What is left?

Can we say ‘The waking state, dream state, sleep state, fourth state.’ Can we say ‘I am this’ or ‘I am that’? Can we say ‘Here or there’? These two filters might seem like they are very simple: ‘I just have to find something which is unchanging and it has to be my insight’ but then, when you look, what happens? To find the Unchanging, where did you have to look, firstly?

Q: Inside.

A: Inside. But that inside…, is inside what? That inside; what is it inside of?

You didn’t look inside the body like a surgeon. The surgeon looks inside the body. He takes the scalpel (or whatever they take) and opens the body. ‘This is inside the body.’ The surgeon looks inside the body.

When you look inside, where are you looking?

Where is that ‘inside’?

Your answer is right, but this ‘inside’ is what?

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I Don’t Know Anything

One attitude tip I would give you is to start to love the ‘I don’t know.’ Because if you hate the ‘I don’t know’ you will still go back to some mental conclusion or you will get frustrated or will get irritated. When you start to love the ‘I don’t know’ it’s like ‘I don’t know. I go inside, I just don’t know what this inside is. [Laughs] I don’t know what this inside is. I don’t have to be spiritual to go inside; a baby can go inside, children can go inside, an old man can go inside because inside is always Here. And it’s Here for everyone, but I don’t know what it is.’ [Smiles]

So, start to like this ‘I don’t know.’ Or at least don’t hate it. [Chuckles] Because if you start hating it then you are in for quite a ride; a lot of irritation, frustration and anger will come.

So, if we don’t know something as fundamental as this, it is actually good news because what is collapsing is the idea that ‘I do know.’ [Smiles] To have a label for something (mostly; at least on the spiritual path) is a great disservice to yourself. Many times, we just put a label on it and say ‘That’s what it is.’ This takes us away from the true understanding of the nature of our Reality and gives us a photocopy version.

Now, how many hate the ‘I don’t know’?

You won’t admit it. [Laughs] Later, you’ll be irritated. ‘What does he talk about in Satsang?’ [Chuckles] Even something as basic as that, as ‘What is inside and outside?’ I have been taking these very basic things like up and down and saying ‘In relation to what?’ You say ‘Oh, this is up and this is down’ but then you are setting a position for yourself. Where are you? When we say something is up or something is left or something is right then you are saying that you are an object contained in this body. Nobody has ever found it, but still we like to believe it at least, because it gives us something that we know. This is the problem with knowing. Just because it is a prevalent belief doesn’t make it true. There was a time when everybody in this world used to think that the world is flat.

Just because everybody feels like they are the body doesn’t make it true. You will be astounded at how much you don’t know. [Smiles] I live in this wonder. I don’t know anything. That’s what I was saying about Facebook that day, that I log into Facebook and see ‘Wow, everybody claims to know so much! They seem to know what is right and what is wrong and what is this and what is that.’ I just look at it like ‘What is going on?’ [Chuckles]

So, in the same way (not just about space but also about time) we don’t know really what happened in the past. Our memories are so unreliable; if there was a past in the first place. Like often I say that we don’t start a dream with a sense of amnesia. You start a dream and you recognize the people, you move with them, interact with them. So, presumably there is memory functioning completely fine even there. Nobody can conclusively say that ‘What I remember from five minutes ago’ was true anyway. In any case, if we ask all of you ‘What did he say five minutes ago?’ some will say ‘He was talking about this’ then somebody else will say ‘No, he was talking about that’ … ‘But he said this’ … ‘He said that.’ There is no reliable evidence. [Smiles]

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I am going to say something even crazier, okay? [Chuckles] If, in this life, it seemed like the first moment of experience is that where the day starts with you feeling really sleepy, about to get into bed, then evening comes, then afternoon, then morning, where everything moves backwards from there. If this was like the content of your memory and what was being shown to you every day, it would seem completely normal.

So, like that; anything about this apparent-realm we don’t really know. But we have presumed so much that ‘This is how it is.’ And it is a defense mechanism. This make-believe knowing is nothing but a defense mechanism. Because for the limited idea about ourself, with this amount of chaos …, if we didn’t know anything, it seems like it is too much; too much of sensational perceptions. So, we have to deal it in a way that I can say ‘Okay, I know what is happening here. I know what is going on.’ But we don’t really.

At no level of appearance do we know. In the sense where I mean that even at an emotional level we might say ‘This is grief, this is joy, this is bliss’ but we have never experienced the same thing twice. You might not even know this yet but as you start to look, you will start to see the colors. You will start to see the spectrum is so broad. That which you are putting into a big box called ‘grief’ has got so much qualitatively within. That which you are putting in this big box called ‘happiness’ has got so much that is contained within. So, it’s like we are living this many- dimensional life through what the mind is interpreting for us but actually Your Reality is beyond all these three, four dimensions.

So, we don’t know …, when we think we know something about what is Truth or what is false.

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What Benchmark Do You Set for the Truth?

What benchmark do you set for the Truth? When you say ‘I really know this’ what benchmark are you setting for the Truth? Take an example of something you think you really know. What do you really know?

Q: It is from my experience.

A: ‘It is from your experience.’ The repository of experiences is what?

Q: Memory.

A:Memory. I remember these examples which I take often. Guruji [Sri Mooji] had one time said in a Satsang that ‘Instead of all this, I should just give you some spiritual push-ups to do.’ And then he spelled it out. And what I remembered is like 23 or something. I don’t remember what I remember but I remembered that he said ‘I’ll give you 23 spiritual push-ups to do every day. Then you go down and do Om Namah Shivaya in this way and then you go next time and you do Om Namah Shivaya that way and then you will be happy because you have a practice to do.’ The Satsang got over and some of us were just standing outside the Satsang hall and then we were saying ‘It’s very nice what he said about ‘I should just give you spiritual practice’ where he said 23 push-ups, spiritual push-ups, everyday.’ And I said 23 and somebody else said ‘No, no, Father, he said 19!’ And somebody else said ‘No, I felt it was 21.’ Satsang had just gotten over and within five minutes, everything was starting to dissipate anyway. So, it was so clear.

And how many times does it happen that you felt like you saw a movie (in the movie or in your life) where you saw a particular character say a particular dialogue and then you look back at it and say ‘No, they are saying something completely different.’ But you had the visual of it as if it actually happened. So, the memory is very much part of the mind. It creates, very conveniently, this idea of knowing or individuality. But there is no reliance on it. So, if even this experience which I value more than just a concept; in the sense that you can create…

There is this beautiful example from Plato. He was trying to distinguish between conceptual knowing and our truer perceptual knowing. He said ‘Suppose you had a blindfold on and somebody you trust came and told you ‘Be careful. 20 feet away there is a cliff. You will fall.’ So, you know that 20 feet away there is a cliff but it’s just like a mental knowing. But it came from a credible source so you feel like ‘Ah, I know this.’ Then somebody you trust even more comes and says ‘No, no. A cliff 20 feet away? Be careful. It’s only 10 feet away.’ Now you know its 10 feet away. So, both are concepts and yet it is possible to debate them, to come up with a more credible sort of reasoning and change that. Then, you remove the blindfold and you see that 2 feet away there is a cliff. ‘What were these guys doing?!’ Now, you really know.

But even with perception; there are so many misperceptions. You can see mirages. These are the common ones. But there so many examples which Shankara, Adi Shankara, himself took. Like he said ‘You mistake a pillar to be a man. You mistake a rope to be a snake. You mistake an oyster; if it’s open, then it can feel like it’s a piece of silver instead of mother of pearl.’ So, all these perceptions are misperceptions again. You could hear something and all of us could

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disagree on what was heard. So, not just for visual but also audible. Even this is not a reliable way to truly know.

Concepts you cannot count on, perceptions you cannot count on. And that brings us back to the same pointing from the Sages, which is ‘Count on That which is the Unchanging.’ Count on That which is Unchanging.

Now you will say [Chuckles] ‘Easy for them to say. How do I find this Unchanging? Where do I find the Unchanging? Which side do I have to look on to find the Unchanging one, if there is such a thing?’ On this side; anything? On this side of the eyes; anything? Everything is changing, unreliable. We can’t really say for sure about anything.

Now, this side of the eyes [inside] …, you might say ‘There are a lot of things which are changing even there; imagination, memory, emotions, sensation, pain, pleasure.’ It can seem like these are inside.

Now let’s go even deeper. So, even these are perceptions. What witnesses all of this? Inner perception, so-called inner perception, outer perception: what witnesses all of this?

Here is where you have to love the ‘I don’t know’ because to the mind, it’s extremely frustrating. There you will not find a thing to see because you will see that even that is Seen. So, on one side of the seeing, there are all these objects. What is on the other side? Everything is seen and everything that is seen is changing. Therefore, we cannot really know it; we cannot rely on it. Who is the Seer? Okay, let’s ask it that way:

Who is the Seer?

Who does the Seeing belong to?

The word ‘Seer’ (which also means ‘Sage’ in India) the word ‘Seer’ also comes from this; the one who Sees the Truth. The Truth is Unchanging.

In fact, to encourage a sort of inner attitude to this exploration, I would say: Enjoy it! Enjoy it, love it! Don’t be so quick to say ‘Oh, it’s nothing. There’s a big void over there’ or something like that.

Who Sees the void?

Don’t rush to a conclusion. Enjoy this. Because your claim will not mean anything. I’m not bothered at all by any claim or any answer that you give. I am a strange sort of teacher. [Chuckles] I don’t want you to give the right answer. But those who can start to enjoy this exploration of ‘What’s on that side of my seeing?’ …

It’s like, I woke up this morning. The sense ‘I Am’ was there. Then, when the sense ‘I Am’ was there …, (I’m saying it in temporal terms but time itself comes after ‘I Am’) …, the sense ‘I Am’ was there and then I saw that ‘Okay, Ananta is there, this body is there, this family is there, this room is there.’ And you see all this. Now, all this is true for you.

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Now, all of this is perceived by My Being. ‘I Am’ is Seeing all of this. I Am Seeing all of this. I Am Seeing …, all of this. So, My Being seems to work so much in resonance with my attention that it seems to create this phenomenal appearance or reality; whatever you call it. But: What is on that side of ‘I Am’? [Prior to ‘I Am’]

What is the ‘I’ …, which [‘I’] now ‘Am’?

We’ve looked for the truth for a long time on that side [that which comes after the primal sense ‘I Am’] in everything. ‘I am this, I am that, I am in this house, I am like this, I am not like this’ and we’ve seen that (today we looked and saw that) all of this so-called truth falls apart when push comes to shove.

So, how about we try looking on that side? [Prior to ‘I Am’]

Can This, that Sees all of this, itself be Seen?

Like Guruji’s [Sri Mooji’s] favorite question ‘Can the Perceiver be perceived?’

[Silence]

This brings you to a deeper Knowing which is not conceptual, that is not perceptual.

What are you Seeing there?

Like Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi said ‘What is the point of knowing anything if I don’t know myself?’ Then he said ‘Once I know myself, then I know everything.’ So, he is encouraging you, he’s imploring you, to look deeper at Your own Self rather than trying to find something in objects or in concepts.

Who is at the center of all of this?

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Everything After This ‘I Am’ Is a Story

That’s why I say that everything that comes after ‘I Am’ is a story, a lie. Why? Because we are not even sure what this ‘I Am’ is or who I am or who this ‘I’ is.

It’s like saying (in India you could say) ‘Oh, I have a shop on Mahatma Gandhi road.’ But the thing is that you have a Mahatma Gandhi road in every city. We don’t really know where. You will say ‘Mahatma Gandhi road. Where?’ Like ‘This Mahatma Gandhi road, I can’t tell you where.’ [Chuckles] This is the thing with everything that you put after ‘I Am.’ Who is it related to? Who does it belong to? ‘I am this or I am that.’ ‘I am honest’ for example, is very popular. ‘I am honest.’ So, we feel like ‘Okay, I know what honesty is so I am able to say I am honest.’ But do we really know what ‘I’ is? [Chuckles] Then are we being honest when we say ‘I am honest’? [Laughter] Because we don’t know; most of the sentence we don’t know. ‘I am’ we don’t know. ‘Honest’ is just a concept we have but that we actually don’t know.

So, what’s happening today is like a disintegration of all our notions about what we know …, and also an invitation to check deeper into whether any true knowing is possible at all; whether all of this is rubbish. [Speaks as if someone else is speaking these words]: ‘So, Ananta, then what you’re saying is that all that we know mentally is rubbish; everything I think is rubbish, everything I think I know perceptually is rubbish, everything I know through memory is rubbish, anything that I can imagine is rubbish. So, then what? Is this like one pointless thing?’

‘Find YourSelf’ all the Sages have said. ‘Know ThySelf’ (with a capital ‘K’). ‘Know Thyself.’ Even Papaji [Sri Poonja] …, what did we say that he said the other day? He said ‘The only way to escape death is to Know ThySelf Now.’ It’s very literal. Everything else you can know is going to die. All our ideas are going to die, this body is going to die, all the experiences of this world that you have are going to die. But can you come to a Knowing of YourSelf which is beyond death, beyond changing? This ‘beyond changing’ is beautiful because it must be Here Now. [Chuckles] The Unchanging cannot come and go. So, how to find That which is beyond changing? Here. Now. ‘Know ThySelf Now.’

[Chuckles] I don’t mind that we are taking few of these words of the Masters because we get so used to hearing them and we feel like we understand them. But I don’t mind looking at them slowly and just deconstructing them a bit so that we really use it as an invitation to look.

Everything is going to die. What about yourself? It’s good that it comes from a Sage, Papaji, because you know he’s not lying. [Chuckles] You know that it’s coming from a credible source. So, now you are stuck in this ‘I don’t know.’ This reference is good because it takes away from this arrogance of knowing something. There is only one trick to avoid death, and that is to ‘Know ThySelf Now.’ Now. Now. This is a very good. All the clues, all the pointers are there. Tell me where you are stuck (if you are stuck).

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Either Own Nothing or Own Everything

[Reading from chat]: “Father, can you please talk more about the sense of ownership and doer- ship? There has been a strong sense of identification and tension here around the idea of my voice, my intuition, my expression. One minute the ego says I’m special, the next minute arrogant. Please burn all of this ‘me’ and my delusion completely.”

[Repeats] ‘Father, can you please talk more about the sense of ownership and doer-ship?’ Let’s go slowly and see. When we’re speaking of the sense of ownership, we are speaking of some specific things. Like, the sense that this ownership is not ‘Oh, this is my universe.’ That would be truer. [Chuckles] If you were to say ‘This is my universe’ then that would be truer. But when you’re talking about the sense of ownership, you are saying that ‘This is something specific in this realm of sensation, in this realm of perception, that belongs to me.’ So, although we are proclaiming some sense of a special relationship with something, what is actually happening is that we are believing a sense of separation from everything else. When we make this sense of ownership we might feel like ‘Oh, I am adding something to myself’ but actually we are separating away. If this belongs to me in some special way, then automatically we mean that everything else does not belong in that special way.

This is how even this sense of ownership, which might seem to increase us in some way (in our minds, it might seem like ‘Oh, I am adding to myself by owning something or owning these things) actually, what is happening is that you are limiting yourself. This is the sense of ownership.

How does this come about? In our notion-less-ness, is there sense of ownership? There must be an idea of some special relationship which makes us feel like ‘This is me or mine.’ Ownership means: mine; this is mine. This is never universal.

The Sages have said (forever, basically) that this sense of ‘me’ and ‘mine’ is the source of all our suffering and all our trouble. So, when we say ‘A sense of attachment can lead to suffering’ this is what we mean. It is not that we are attached but we are attached to a limited idea about ourself and what we own.

If you said that ‘I Am’ …, ‘I Am’ and in the light of this ‘I Am’ I see that all of this arises within Me’ then actually you are proclaiming a greater ownership. But this ownership does not belong to an individual; it does not belong to Mahesh. You see? It belongs to this ‘I Am’ which is Consciousness Itself.

So, either we let go of the idea of ‘mine’ completely (which is, of course, what I would usually suggest) [Chuckles] or, if you want to play with it, then own everything. Own everything and then you will find that to own everything, your identity cannot [claim anything]. It can try, like ‘I am the king of the universe’ [Chuckles] or something like that but you will see that that will get slapped about so much that it can’t usually last. So, this is the paradox:

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Either own nothing [Chuckles] and then You will See that the individual does not own anything, but you will discover Your universal (the universality, in a sense) Your universal ownership of everything.

Or say that ‘All this is mine.’ Now this can be [Chuckles] a stronger Satsang. If you claim ownership, then the false owner will have to be squeezed out.

Either is actually fine. Don’t make a special relationship. Either own everything or own nothing.

So, we are still on ‘ownership.’ [Chuckles] Then …

[Reading again from same chat]: “Can you please talk more about the sense of ownership and doership?”

For doership, also, a lot of what we said applies. ‘Doer-ship’ means what? That ‘I’ as a limited entity am a do-er of something.

So, we are not talking about when the waking state comes, the entire universe seems to appear. We are obviously not talking about ‘Who is the doer of this appearance? What causes this waking state to appear?’ We are not talking about that. Because if we were talking about that, then You would See that You are back to Your universal Consciousness, Your unlimited Consciousness. But what we mean, usually, when we speak of doership is that ‘First I consider myself to be the body/mind and then the activity that happens (only through this specific body/mind), I take ownership of that.

Now, I have to say that for the Master, these words are appearing in the same way that the nodding of that head [Points to someone] is appearing. [Chuckles] So, what to take ownership of? Why should I restrict myself and say ‘I am just the one speaking these words and not the one laughing or not the one nodding?’ All of this is appearing within My Being. All of this, at least we have to admit (even if this is not clear that ‘It appears in my Being’) we have to at least admit that it is perceived within ourself. At least this much we have to admit.

What it truly is, we can never really say. (Okay let me speak slowly.) [Chuckles] At least this much we have to admit, even if we can’t admit yet that everything happens within Me, at least this much we have to admit that everything is perceived within MySelf. That which truly is ‘out there’ seems then, in that paradigm, to come through the filter of sensory perception. And the sensory perception is reporting to MySelf. Therefore, all of this is appearing (at least in terms of perception) within Me.

So, the hearing of this voice (which we can call it Ananta’s voice for the moment) and the nodding of your head (which seems to be presumably happening thousands of miles always) [The questioner is attending online satsang, asking and listening from Ireland while Ananta is in India] …, both are happening within the space of My experience. So, notion-less-ly, there is no separation between that movement and this movement. It is only when I insert this concept of ‘me’ somewhere; then I can take ownership of this movement of this hand.

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Why should this be mine? And not everything else? [Chuckles]

There is no reason except some sense of visual perspective; sensory visual perspective and some sensational intimacy with this body apparatus. But actually, all perceptions are happening as much within Me as all others.

So, this sense of doership that we are talking about needs us to draw a boundary around a particular set of sensations and say ‘This is me. Therefore, I am just the owner of this; [Points to his body] all of this that is happening through this.’

This is false because even in the phenomenal studies …, like I used to speak about this BBC study where they said that the nerves in the hand are already starting to get activated before we can come to even the decision to move the hand or not.

So, it is clear that (at least, that much is clear that) a greater intelligence, the same One that is moving our breath, beating our heart, digesting our food, all of this; growing the trees, [Chuckles] gravity, space, time …, we can talk about all of these things are being done by the Supreme Intelligence. That we cannot argue with, even phenomenally. The same One is moving all the sensations in my perceptions …, all the sensations in my perceptions including this one; including that which happens through this intimate-seeming body.

So, unless we draw a boundary, both ownership and doership are not possible. Like this individual ownership and individual doership are not possible unless we take (from the entirety of sensational experience) …, we separate some and say ‘Only this is me.’ And as we are coming to Satsang, as we are dropping our notions, we are finding that no distinction actually needs to be made.

We feel like with our conceptual distinctions we will be able to run one particular life better. But nobody can truly say that this body will not drop dead the next moment. Sometimes I call this ‘The temporary lease’ (this body has a temporary lease) but we don’t even know what the expiry is. Even that we cannot control …, but we presumably can run our lives.

Like I say, we truly don’t know how we are moving the finger or who is moving the finger but it can feel like we can run this life. The mind does not know who is running this life, but Life is running. [Chuckles] Life is running.

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Going from Half-Surrender to Full-Surrender

When talk about doership, then there are many things which can be clarified in this. One thing which is important to clarify is going from no-surrender to half-surrender to full-surrender.

‘No-surrender’ means ‘I am the doer. I, identity, am the doer. And I am the experiencer.’

Then we go to ‘Half-surrender.’ The usual form of half-surrender is ‘I am not the doer, Father. I am not the doer, God/Guruji, but make sure my experiences are good, please.’ So, we’re still holding on to the experiencer mind-set but we want to surrender our doership. That’s what I call surrendering with one eye open ‘I am surrendering to you, Father, but I’m keeping an eye on you, okay? You better make sure things go in the way I want them to otherwise, you know, this deal if off.’ [Laughs] And how many times have we surrendered like this? And how many times the deal has been off? We surrender and then we don’t like the outcome. ‘Father, I am forever at your feet …, but when you say ‘that’ then that really gets to me so I’m really starting to doubt.’ So, this kind of half-surrender (which is very natural in our human existence) many can start like this and then it can develop into a fuller surrender.

Then, sometimes it can be (this is rare but it can also happen for some) that ‘I don’t care about the outcome so much, whatever experience, but just make sure I do only righteous deeds’ …, or even not ‘make sure I do’ but ‘I want to make sure I do only righteous deed but I am not so concerned about the outcome.’ Some get so caught up in the sense of doership that the sense of experiencer-ship is not so strong, but they get caught up in this ‘right or wrong’ wanting to do right, wanting to be a particular way, in terms of what they do.

Then (this is becoming a long treatise on doer-ship) [Chuckles] there are other forms of half- surrender, also. What are they? Some who are attracted to guilt, conditionally attracted to guilt, they will say ‘Father, all the good stuff you are doing. But I was very wrong when I did that.’ So, those who are attracted to the sense of guilt in a conditional way, then it can feel like all the good stuff has been surrendered to the Lord but for all the bad stuff you say ‘No, No. God couldn’t have done that. That, I must still be the doer.’ And this is a very popular form of half-surrender. But ultimately, it is not helpful. Initially, it might feel like you’re being very humble and things like this, but this guilt can be very strong, in the sense that it can get a strong hold on us. So, all the good stuff, all the bad stuff …, both are the doing of Father. Both are the Satguru’s doing.

Then it can be that those who are attracted to pride can be other way. ‘I’ve been very good. I’ve been a good boy. I’ve spoken the truth. I’ve tried my best. I’ve tried to love the Sangha. I’ve tried to be nice to everyone but, you know, you still have to put me in these positions. You still do this to me.’ So, then all the good stuff we can take ownership of. ‘I did the right things but you still made me say ‘Shut up’ to somebody’ or something like that. [Laughs] ‘All the bad stuff is the Divine’s doing but all the good stuff is mine.’ This is another form of half-surrender.

So, there are many variations in our surrender. But more and more, as we come to Satsang, we find that all this sense of doership and sense of experiencer-ship, both are let-go of. And then You taste Your own Being to be the universal light, which means the universal will, the universal doer.

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That’s why they say ‘Not a blade of grass moves without the will of God.’ And then you will find that there is nobody here individually who is suffering from anything.

Suffering is actually an individual term. For the universal experience, we never say ‘suffering’ because God is not suffering. God is tasting this world. God is tasting all phenomena but God is not suffering. For suffering to be there, there needs to be a sense of individuality. So, therefore we say that (in terms of: the experience can continue but) the sense of suffering, the sense of resisting, that dissolves.

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Outward Silence Can Also Be a Pretense

Then the mind comes up with another idea (which also I have looked at; contemplated deeply) which says ‘If that is true, then nothing we can speak is true; then wouldn’t silence be the best?’ [Smiles] I have looked at that and I have seen that when it means just outward silence, then sometimes this outward silence is not the best because sometimes, in this outward way, you have to hear the contradiction, you have to be confronted with your beliefs, about your beliefs, so that they can be shaken up a bit. And outward silence can also be a very complacent holding onto of the inner beliefs.

So, it is very helpful to come to Satsang and get a bit shaken up. It is very helpful because, as I have been saying, everybody feels that their beliefs are true. [Chuckles] Nobody feels like ‘What I’m believing is false.’ Belief means that ‘I feel it is true. I have given assent to the fact that this is true, this is meaningful.’ So, when it is confronted, then it is not initially an enjoyable experience. After a while, we got used to Satsang and then when the confrontation comes, it comes as a sense of ‘Aha, look! I was holding on to even this.’ It can become like that. ‘Look at that! The mind is so sneaky that it was selling me this belief; then it seemed completely true. Then I heard from the Master that: Have you looked at this? Is it really true?’

Initially that conversation can be like ‘What do you mean?’ You know? You want to hold onto it. ‘What do you mean? My precious…’ [Chuckles] Our beliefs can be like that. Then, as you get opener, opener, opener (if there is such a term) [Smiles] then you find that (not just with the Master, but with everything in the world) they are not so sticky. ‘How could you say that? That sounds completely wrong!’ (like that) goes to ‘Ahh, is it like this? Maybe I can look at this.’

This spaciousness gets more and more spacious. As with the clutter of these concepts, you see that even these beliefs which we seem to rely on so much, life confronts them. And initially, there is sense of discomfort about this confrontation. Then there is a sense of welcoming that can come. ‘Ah…’ Then you can make a prayer like ‘Father, I do not see any dark spots of belief or conceptual identity but please, if you spot something, just chop it off.’ This feeling can come. ‘…just chop it away.’

Of course, when the chopping away comes [Chuckles] it does not always feel so comfortable. Many times, we actually forget that this is the answer to our prayer. [Smiles] Otherwise, it would not feel like a chop anyway. If it is always remembered that this is an answered prayer, then would not feel like a chop anyway. [Smiles] Then it’s more like a beautiful giving away. ‘I am just unburdening myself.’ And you say ‘Ah, Satguru please, whatever is here; burn it, chop it.’

But know that the burning will come when you feel like you forget; when you forget that this is an answered prayer. If you are in remembrance of that, if you are in the Seeing of that, then it does not feel like a burning or a chopping. So, what you are actually praying for is you are saying that ‘Even if I am fighting it, you please take it. Especially when I am fighting it. Especially when I am fighting it, you take it. If the burning has to burn, if it has to feel like my life is being squeezed out of me, you please take it.’ That is what the prayer implies. Not just like ‘Ah, burn me, burn me; ah, burn me.’ That is not burning. Because then, that is like you’re Seeing that all your concepts are been given away. What you’re actually saying is that ‘If I’m

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holding onto something but I cannot even see it, if I’m holding on to some identity…’ (which could even be ‘best disciple, best devotee’ and some identity; something) ‘… then burn me; take it away. Even if my hands as fists are tightly clenched, take it away.’ When they are open, then it’s simple. Then everything is given away anyway. There is no burning or chopping there. [Smiles] So, burning means ‘I invite you to squeeze my fist open and take whatever I might be holding onto.’ This is good.

[Continues reading the original question from chat]: “…in the idea of my voice, my intuition, my expression. One minute the ego says ‘I am special’ the next minute, arrogant.”

See, everything that it’s trying, to prop you up (which is basically a big set-up) is a set-up for failure. It is playing that game of propping you up, of saying that ‘You’re so special, you’re so good, you are really getting this, you’re almost there, almost there; you’re doing so well.’ It props you up. And then it has its version of vigilance, like ‘But I am keeping my eye on you. Okay? If you mess up, I am going to take away the certificate.’ [Smiles] It’s like ‘You are so good’ then for one moment, some anger came against someone. It is just like that. So, sometimes I call this very spontaneous thing ‘the starter; the salad.’ [Chuckles] The salad comes, it’s picked up [like when] you believe a thought about something. Somebody is not treating you right. You believe something like that momentarily. And then the play of Consciousness starts where anger can come and all this can happen.

By the way, it does not have to come in that order. Sometimes the anger can come first and then the thought comes. Sometimes just anger comes; no thought comes. Sometimes only the thought comes and you’re waiting for the anger to come and there is nothing coming. [Smiles] So, I’m not saying any sequence has to be a certain way. But if this [salad] is the starter, then the ‘dessert’ is the guilt, the unworthiness. ‘I felt that I was doing so well. But I see that I’ve not gotten anything. I have not understood anything. I’ve not made any progress. I’m not a worthy disciple. I’m not really getting this stuff.’ …, these kinds of thoughts. That’s why I say this is a dessert. Because the calories of this one are much more. They seem to lost a lot longer. The anger just came and went. [Snaps fingers] But the guilt usually lasts a bit longer. Sometimes I see you after a week and ask you ‘How was your week?’ [You say] ‘Oh, I spent the whole week feeling unworthy.’ But hardly anyone says ‘I spent the whole week feeling angry.’

The anger came at the start of the week (boom, boom, boom). But the guilt can last lifetimes; or at least you can say that for years, this guilt can last. Sometimes we grew up and we can’t find any reason; we can’t find the reason why I feel so guilty or unworthy. Sometimes this condition seems to last for appearance after appearance. Realm after realm, these things can continue. (It’s fine; don’t worry about it.) [Chuckles] So, the ‘starter’ is okay, at times. Anger came, some boom, boom, boom happened, some argument; like that. But then don’t hold onto unworthiness, guilt; these ideas. These are the desserts. These are high calorific, high egoic value. [Chuckles]

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Confusing the Inferences of the Mind to Be Intuition

[Reading from chat]: “Father, I always used to have a very good intuition. I always had some sudden insights about situations, people and so on. I always used to have very good intuition. I always had some sudden insights about some situation, people and so on. Now, this is not working any more. I realize that they come from conditioning or the habit to judge or how I look at the people, most of the time. Means that the mind knows something about the situation or people and seems to wear the mask of the higher self. This brings me in a strange situation.”

This is very beautiful. Because what we mean then (initially, what we mean) is that [paraphrasing] ‘My influences used to be very accurate. I could always predict or suddenly predict something, which I just felt, or thought or sometimes a combination of feeling and thought. It would tell me something which seemed very accurate about this phenomenal world. Now, this is failing. [Smiles] Now this is failing. I realize that they come from a conditioning or a habit to judge.’ Even if they come form like a faculty, which is available to you phenomenally, which is extraordinary …, it is good in a way that it is failing.

Because you’re coming to this beautiful ‘I don’t know.’

For example, in India, there is a popular notion that a true Master knows everything that is going to happen to him in the future, tomorrow, today. He knows everything that is going to happen to everyone. This is a popular notion. Why? Because they feel like this intuitive Presence, this Satguru’s Presence, must be ‘The All-Knowing’ …, which it is, of course. However, the fact is that I do not know about others. I do not want to make judgments about that. But here, at least, I cannot imagine going to this intuitive Presence with an idea of ‘Father, please tell me what is going to happen to Ananta’s life tomorrow.’ It just feels like it is not meant for that. It just feels like this entity of this Presence is so much …, it is so beyond time and space that to go to it with ‘What is going to happen in particular situations? How will the business meeting go? How many of my Sangha children will enlightened?’ …, it just seems too trivial to go to this inner Presence with specific requests and things like this. Also, over the years, I found that whatever It wants to convey, It does convey in anyway in the worldly sense (even in the worldly sense). So, there comes so much trust in this Presence that you know that whatever it needs to speak, it will share and whatever it does not need to tell you (for the joy of this play) then it doesn’t.

That is why Guruji [Sri Mooji] can say ’I don’t know anything at all.’ This ‘I don’t know anything at all’ means that ‘Really, cannot bear testimony to any of the concepts. I don’t know if anything is true or not conceptually.’ But there is a deeper Knowing and this intuitive Presence then conveys the insight of this deeper Knowing …., which is not selfish. It is not for grasping things like ‘How can I get this?’ It is not

needy. It is spacious. It is not rushed for time.

So, it’s very good in the sense that our inferences, our ‘readings’ even of situations, sometimes it is very good for them to fail, then we can know that we cannot truly really on this. We lose this concept of control. Because our earlier influences were about control; and then when these influences were coming, there is a feeling like ‘There is a cheat code I have in life. I can always tell; what this one’s intention is, what they really thinking about me.’ And when it starts to fail, then this sense of individual control …, you are losing one more clutch, you are losing one more gear. [Chuckles] Then you are just ‘I don’t know anything; what they are thinking, what they want to do. It is all the Satguru’s problem.’ [Smiles] ‘Guru Kripa Kevalam’ takes hold when we let go of this individual control. Because around this faculty …, (which in the world it could be fine; for people who are still participating in that way in the world it could be fine) but as we come to Satsang we are letting go of all sense of individual control and doership, and especially all sense of specialness and arrogance. And sometimes these things all add to all of that. As we coming to ‘nothing’ as we are seeing that this ego is nothing, this idea of my-self is nothing, then we cannot prop it up with a special factuality. So, this is also Satguru’s grace, actually.

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Clinging Is Suffering

Today, maybe we can look at just this itself, this itself …, in the sense that: What is the pre- answer state? If the question seems to be there, then when the answer actually comes, what is it that actually changes? What would an answer be?

I can tell you that it’s just the concept (which is the answer) which can seem to provide some relief because it can seem to feel like something is settled. This noisiness of the mind is saying ‘What is this? What is the capital of Norway?’ for example. Saying anything, anything. And it seems to be like ‘I don’t know’ …, which can be an uncomfortable feeling. ‘Oh, this tune I remember from my childhood. But who was the singer? What is this song?’ You see? It can be anything, but something feels unsettled if this ‘I don’t know’ feeling is there.

But this is something we have learned. We have learned to not like the ‘I don’t know’. The child is not suffering from it till his parents condition him or till he goes to school and they say ‘You have to know otherwise you get a black dot or big red star.’ All these systems where we were taught that if you know, then you are doing better.

So then, the same thing happens also in spirituality, that ‘I want the highest Truth.’ And what we initially mean by that is we feel like ‘If we come to the highest concept of what God is or Self is then I will know it really, and I can succeed in this class with flying colors and I can give myself this certificate of enlightenment.’

But what happens usually in Satsang is one day you can feel a bit settled with the answer, the next day the Master comes and says ‘You know, that…, can we look beyond, can we go beyond.’ And you feel ‘But I came to the Absolute!’ But it’s very easy to convert this insight, beyond which you cannot go, into a concept which you feel like is the concept of the Absolute. So, I jokingly say about …, in the Ribhu Gita. For many chapters it is spoken about Brahman, the Absolute, this is Absolute, everything is the Absolute, Brahman, Brahman, Brahman. Then there comes a point (Chapter 26, if I am not mistaken) where they say: No Brahman, no Self. You say ‘What?’ (And some you know, you actually memorize the Sanskrit verses, internalize them, chant them: Brahman. I want Brahman, the Self.) Then what happens when you get to this point? What gets triggered? If you came to the insight of the Absolute, nothing happened there. It’s just that the concept that you were attaching to that ‘I have found something which is the Absolute’ and then the Sage says (just to poke you) ‘There is no Brahman like that.’ Then what happens? Then again, we come back to this conceptual emptiness.

That is why Nagarjuna and Chandarkirti said that when people accuse them that ‘If you keep saying that ‘There is nothing, there is nothing…’ (People used to accuse them) ‘…that means what you are saying is that there is no Buddha, there is no Truth and there is no Sangha. Then how can you call yourself Buddhist then?’ They had this thing; they were saying that ‘It is all empty, there is nothing, the nothingness of nothingness or the emptiness of emptiness.’ This was famous about them. So, when they were faced with this criticism they responded very beautifully and said ‘You are misunderstanding the purpose of the prayojan.’ (According to them). ‘You are misunderstanding the purpose because if you have the concept of the Absolute then that has the potential to cause you as much suffering as any worldly concept that you might have and the

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Buddha said: Clinging is Suffering.’ So, sometimes we come to Satsang and we cling onto concepts. Now we have this fresh set of concepts and we want to hang on to them. So, then the Sage has to come and say ‘No, not even that.’ That doesn’t mean that they are in denial of the Absolute. Because even to deny It, you must Exist.

The point is that this conceptual emptiness …, even if it feels like an ‘I don’t know’ and ‘It’s better that ‘Now I do know’ than ‘Now I don’t know. I feel like this is it and this is not it.’ It is not like that. No concept is actually able to replicate reality in even the tiniest way. Not a patch. Even if you use the highest terms, it is not meeting up the highest. But for us, we can get attached. Like we can get attached to Advaita-Vedanta. ‘No, I am an Advaita-Vedantin, I am a Buddhist, I am a Zen, I am a (something).’ But what is the Master really saying? That you cannot capture it in anything that you identify with. No identification is an identification with the Truth.

So, this is where something starts shaking up a bit and this is where we really can explore: ‘What is this feeling of incompleteness if I don’t know? This feeling of shakiness unless I have the right answer?’ And once we have these answers then we have to choose, that ‘No, my answer is right, my answer is the best one.’ It is not like that.

As we have been exploring over the past few days that even to say very basic things like ‘up and down’ you need to localize yourself. You need to give yourself a position to be able to say ‘This is up and down’ and ‘This is left and this is right.’ But it is not your true position. If you’re not contained in this body/mind instrument …, then is your position that which is contained in this three-dimensional realm?

So, of course, I am not saying that we must become weird conversationally, where we are looking for a house on the road and somebody says ‘Go left’ and we’re like ‘What is left? There is no ‘left’ to me. I am everywhere.’ [Giggles] Not like that. But I am saying truly, truly: What is it that you are finding? Like, where are You now? What is to the left of You? What is to the right of You? …, unless you buy a notion that you are contained in this instrument or you buy another notion which is limiting in some sense, that ‘I am this!’ That is why Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi said ‘The true knowledge does not have to be acquired, it is just the false which has to be dropped.’ It is such a beautiful reminder.

So, what can we testify to that is truly true? And to use the parameters of the Sages themselves, they said ‘That which is truly true is not subject to coming and going.’ If it comes and goes, it is an appearance. Actually, it doesn’t matter if you deny it and call it an illusion or whether you accept it and you call it ‘the play of Consciousness’ or you say it is completely real; it is completely fine. But ultimately, there is a higher Reality which witnesses all that comes and goes. Otherwise you cannot say coming and going. If you yourself also came and went, then to nothing you could say ‘This comes and goes.’ So, coming and going is always in relation to something which is constant.

Now, this that you find, that is beyond the subject/object relationship, what can you say which is true about It? Can you say anything which actually matches up with what our own inner insight is?

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There is really nothing. That is why Guruji (and all the Masters) said that ‘What is said in Satsang, at best, are pointers.’ At best, it points to something. But it, in itself, is not the Truth. [Nisargadatta] Maharaj said ‘Everything I say is lies except ‘I Am’ …, but ultimately even that is a lie.’ So, basically, he is saying ‘Everything I have spoken of, in itself is not the Truth but, at best, points to something which is true.’ So, this is the thing.

Now, if we are just settling for conceptual answers like ‘Who Am I?’… ‘Oh, you are the Self’ or ‘There is no self’ (whatever the answer might be) if it is just a concept of that, then it can be shaken. Tomorrow a higher authority, a more credible source, can come and say ‘No, no, no. That which you are calling the non-Self is the Self!’ (And in some way, that happened in India with Buddhism and Vedanta. But we won’t get into that story.)

The main point is that the acquisition of a concept: What does that do for you? If you asked a question which you felt was your highest question and you got a concept for an answer which you felt was the highest answer …, what actually changed for you? [Silence] It just added another concept in your bag of concepts.

Q: It gives some direction to us also.

A: That’s what I said. At best, it is a pointer.

So, you had a question so ‘What should I do next?’ I say you take 50 Ujjain breaths; suppose. [A breathing technique in Yoga] So, then what happens? You had a question of ‘I don’t know what to do.’ You got an answer: ‘You have to take very deep Ujjain breathing 50 times.’ So, then what happened?

Q: I’m relieved.

A:You are relieved of…?

Q:…of the question.

A:You are relieved of the question! You see, this is the thing. I was just reading the other day where Adyashanti (or somebody) said ‘The Master is not answering your question; he is questioning your answers.’ So, basically, your sense of relief is coming from the fact that the question has gone away. But does it go away permanently? You will take 50 Ujjain breaths in five minutes or something and then you will say ‘What’s next?’ So, the question keeps changing and the answer keeps changing.

At best, the best answer can be that which removes the question …, like an answer like: ‘Inquire into who you are. Who am I?’

Then ask another question about it. ‘Oh, my mind gets very disturbed when I start looking.’ Okay, it’s fine. Find out who witnesses the disturbed mind?

So, it seems like there’s a consistency in those answers.

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Now, how was it before you had the question?

You said that the answer removed the question, so there’s peace.

Peace, but still there is another question: ‘What next?’

Right Now, Now, Now …, is there a question?

Q: No.

A:Now? Peace Now. Did you do something to create it?

Q:No.

A:So, what is that answer that I can give you which can make you comfortable with not having an answer?

[Silence]

If a question came and it did not disturb our peace, that would be fine.

The struggle with your mind will be that it will say ‘But what is the Truth then? I want to know: What is the Truth?’

But the Truth is apparent even before the question came.

[Silence]

But it is not a verbalize-able Truth.

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Awareness Is Not a Concept

Q: Is this the same feeling like, if we share something, we feel relieved?

A:In the sense of …, what is the source of agitation? Can you identify that? [Silence] Objects in themselves …, do they have the potential to cause agitation or to cause suffering?

Q: Expressing. The need to express something.

A:Yes, so whatever is the restlessness or agitation or frustration or suffering or whatever you call it, can it come through just objects in themselves? Like the computer is sitting there in front of you. Can it, in itself, cause some agitation?

Q: No.

A:What do you need for it to cause you agitation?

Q:Some thought.

A:You need to interpret it in some way. ‘I don’t like this black color cover. It should be shining white.’ Something. ‘Oh, it’s so dirty, it looks like some oily hands have touched it.’ You see?

Once you have all the ideas about it, then the agitation can come. Then you can get an answer.

‘But black is good because it doesn’t get dirty easily, it’s nice, so you should have it.’ So, it removes the agitation.

Now the thing is: What is your original [nature]? Without a fig leaf, in your nakedness, what is just here?

Q: Space.

A:There is a space. But is it like a spatial space that can be measured? Like, what is the size of that space? How many centimeters by how many centimeters? It is not a space like this space.

[Indicates the space of the room] Now you have to say. You can’t just accept my answer. That’s all I am saying, actually. [Chuckles] What is naturally here? You say; with the simplicity of a child. ‘I am looking at you, one body is in front of me, some sensations which I call my body are here.’ You say like that: What is here?

Q: People, objects.

A:There are objects around. Then? And?

Q:There are some sensations in my body.

A:There are sensations. Let’s also call them objects (inner objects). So, besides objects, what is there?

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Q:There is something that is perceiving all of this.

A:Is it a thing?

Q: It’s my body, that’s what I’m feeling.

A:Body is perceiving?

Q:My eyes.

A:Eyes perceiving. If you close your eyes, does perceiving stop? Imagine a tree. [Chuckles]

Who’s perceiving that?

Q: Somewhere here, maybe not the eyes, but…

A: And who perceives your dreams?

Q: Right now, I’m not in a dream.

A:You can have a day dream also though. [Chuckles] You can start imagining that you’re sitting somewhere else, by the banks of Ganga or something like that. It is possible. If you close your eyes, it can feel like ‘I am contained in this body which is sitting here’.

Q: Perception …, I feel it happens naturally in the head part. That’s my experience.

A:So, what perceives the foot part?

Q:What perceives?

A:The foot. You said ‘Perception is in the head’ so, [what is] the foot is perceived by? Does something have to move to perceive the foot …, like the perceiver went from the head to the foot? Is it like that?

Q: Some sensations are happening. It’s naturally perceiving.

A:Good. Now, how is this voice perceived that you are hearing?

Q:Through the ears.

A:This is inference. [Chuckles] Suppose you didn’t have the label ‘ears’ …, the perceiving of this voice, is it happening in the same space where the perceiving of your foot is happening? Or are there two different spaces of perception?

Q: It’s all in the body.

A: What do you see? This is what you think. What do you see?

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[Silence]

Does this ‘I don’t know’ feel bad?

Q: No.

A: It’s fine, no?

Q:Feels like space.

A:‘I don’t know’ is good because..,

Q: Right now, it’s not feeling bad. Sometimes it feels bad. [Chuckles]

A:So, this is what I am actually talking about. This ‘I don’t know’ is very beautiful actually. We’re quick to rush to a conclusion because we can feel that it’s a bit unstable, this ‘I don’t know-ness.’ But true insights (if there is such a thing) are revealed only in this ‘I don’t know- ness.’ If you already can conclude that ‘This is what it is’ …, like you said ‘All of this is in my body.’ So, if I get a surgeon to cut open the body, will you see all of this? (No) These things are not there. These are not atoms and molecules. The body is made up of what? Atoms and molecules. So, what can it contain?

Q: Atoms; molecules.

A:Exactly. [Smiles] So, if this glass is atoms and molecules, it can contain atoms and molecules.

When you say ‘All of this is just within my body’ are you talking about the atoms and molecules of all of this? Or …

Q:Sensations. Are they also atoms and molecules? Are they also visible? We talk about energy fields, energy centers.

A:So, you can say, for example (let’s make it specific) so you can say ‘I am feeling so much hurt. I am feeling so much hurt in my heart because he behaved like this to me’ but if a surgeon was to open the body, will he find the traces of hurt? No. [Chuckles] They will have other explanations of brain chemicals and this and that. But what is it that is our true experience? Our experience is that there is the perception of some sensation, which feels like it coincides with the heart. In the same way Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] would refer to this Being, this Atma as the Heart. Was he saying that there is a physical object called the Atma in the heart? No. He was talking about another layer of his Existence, another level of his Existence, which was beyond physical. And if you are not quick to label …, if you are not quick to label that ‘This is what this is’ you will find that this is your own insight.

Q: I believe memory is labeling it as energy body.

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A:Yeah, you start labeling it as [energy body] this kosha, that kosha. This is what happens when we know a lot. [Chuckles] This knowing seems to get in the way of true insight.

So, what is it that we find in all of these objects? You said ‘Something which perceives it.’ Guruji [Sri Mooji] has what he calls the piranha question. He says ‘Can this perceiver be perceived?’ Can it?

It’s a beautiful thing. I say ‘Do you perceive a phone on this couch?’ You see it. ‘Do you perceive a phone on this couch?’ Now you are saying ‘Something perceives it’ but also that you don’t have a perception of it. (Stay with me if you can, because here the mind will start shaking up a bit.) You are saying ‘Something perceives all of this.’ But to answer the question ‘Can it be perceived?’ it seems to take a lot of inquiry. Then how do we testify that ‘Something perceives it’ if we don’t see it? [Looks around] It’s a strange sort of thing because you cannot deny it and yet you cannot tell me the color of it.

I ask you: ‘Are you aware now?’ … Are you aware?

Q: Yes.

A:So, what did you see to confirm this?

Q:My Presence.

A:The Presence you saw. So, you are aware of Presence. That ‘OF’ part keeps changing; you’re aware OF the world, you’re aware OF people, you’re aware OF everything. You’re saying ‘It’s only because of the ‘OF’ part (the content) that I say that I am aware.’ But that is like saying that ‘I’m standing on the road. I can only say this because there is road.’ But you also know what standing is, no? Standing is different from sitting. So, how is it that you don’t know ‘Aware’ apart: you only know what is after the ‘of’? Because we actually know it but we don’t know it here. [Points to head] We don’t know it here; we don’t have a sensation of it.

Awareness is not a sensation, it is not a concept, it is not a perception. And yet you say ‘I am Aware.’ [I ask]: How do you say this? [You say]: ‘Because I am aware OF the room, I am aware OF your voice.’ But what’s on that side of the ‘OF’? What tells you that?

And I keep asking you if the ‘I don’t know’ is okay. Because if ‘I don’t know’ is okay, then I can keep asking you these things. But if you feel like ‘I don’t know’ is not a good feeling, then you start to struggle. Then you say ‘This is frustrating. What are we getting anyway? What’s the point of these inquiries? It just goes nowhere.’ …, these kinds of things.

Can I go as far as to say: Start enjoying the ‘I don’t know’? [Chuckles] Maybe it’s a bit too much to say. Maybe don’t even know that; whether I’m enjoying it or not. See, we don’t know. Like we said, we don’t know what is up and what is down. We don’t know what is true and what is false. Even to say something is true, we need a benchmark. The Sages said ‘That which is the unchanging is true’ but even that is a benchmark. ‘What is right? What is wrong?’ If you were born in upside-down world…, [Chuckles] if people said in this world ‘How dare you tell the

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Truth? You must always speak lies.’ It can be an ethical way to live, according to them. Who has made true ‘true’ and the false ‘false’? We don’t know even the very fundamentals of our Existence. But we claim to know like so much; that ‘This is this and this is that.’ That’s what I’m asking you to look into:

What is it that we really know?

And what does it mean to know?

When ‘I know something’ what does it mean?

Does it just mean that I have a concept of something and I know it? What keeps us attached to ground?’ … ‘I know it, it’s the gravity’ No, you don’t know it; you just have a term for it. Are we now willing to move beyond just terms into a deeper insight? Because all the terms you know now. Who has come to Satsang that doesn’t know the terms ‘Awareness, Self, Consciousness, Is- ness, This, What-Is’? We know all these terms. Are we willing to just make our house based on these terms? Then be willing to fight with anybody who is using different terms. ‘Self verses non-Self’ [Chuckles] ‘What-Is verses what-is-not, Being verses not-being.’ These are just terms. Or are they your living tasted insights?

It was very beautiful; something I read the other day. I feel like it was Jean Klein. He said that ‘You cannot really truly perceive and conceptualize at the same time.’ So, the minute we leave our perception and go to conceptualization, then we have left it midway. That’s what I call the photocopy. [Smiles] We live in this photocopy idea of the world because we feel like now we can label what is happening here based on some terminology that we have. Like ‘Okay, fifteen people are sitting in this Satsang hall, having Satsang.’ Is that what this is? According to the mind, it is, because those are the terms we have. But what is happening here? So much more; so much different than that. [Chuckles] What about Presence, energy, transmission? All of this cannot be captured. Truly, even in these terms, it cannot be captured. So far, we have lived in the photocopy version. We think ‘My life is like this, I did this and I did that, I woke up this morning and this is where I went.’ It’s all made up: this conceptual thing. When will we go beyond terms? And is it even possible?

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What Is Not Apparent to You Right Now?

What is not apparent to you, Right Now?

What Is just Is. Is-ness does it need to be helped.

Like do you need to have a concept on top of Is-ness to ‘is’?

For Beingness to Be, do we need to reinforce it with a concept?

That is the claim. For the mind, that is the claim that ‘Unless you know this, unless you do this, unless you want truth, your life is not complete.’ And we’ve gone along with these notions without truly checking: Is that true? Is this true?

If I give you encyclopedia full of Advaita notions, will it will make one tiny scratch worth of difference to the Is-ness? Your Being is just being. And yet, in the play of this world, it seems as if it is burdened the more concepts it has.

That is fundamentally why we have Satsang every day because our existence is burdened and heavy. Sometimes, have you seen these people who know a lot? Sometimes I have meetings with people who know a lot and they feel so constricted and very defensive. Once you start with like ‘So, what is this?’ …, you start poking their ideas and they’re like ‘I studied this; this scripture and this scripture…’ [Chuckles] But such a burden exists with so much defensiveness because it can seem like ‘I invested fifty years learning all the Upanishads’ for example.’ [Chuckles] And someone comes and says ‘But what did that get you …, besides what you already were?’ It can sound like I am the worst enemy! I am not saying that. We have full Vedanta here, as you know. I am just saying that if each of those terms are not being used as pointers for us to look within and it is just being memorized and being conceptually collected as if ‘I know more and more and more’ …, can you tell me one concept that can add to anything to Being-ness …, to Your Being?

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How Can You Say Me and Mine?

As all your concepts went away, did you go away?

Did you go away?

What exists without needing a notion?

Okay, what goes away when all notions are gone?

Let’s start over there.

How will you have a grievance?

Can you have a grievance notion-less-ly?

What is a grievance? How many ideas do you need to have to have a grievance? Have you looked? ‘I need to have an idea of me, I need to have an idea of another, I need to have the idea of doership, I need to have the idea of somebody doing something which can possibly hurt something here.’ All this is lies, no? Just made up. For one simple grievance, we need to have so many concepts; ‘me, other, doing, not doing, doing to me.’ What can hurt you? What appearance can come that can touch you really, and scratch you and dent you? Nothing. You have to first identify, you have to make a boundary (in this sensational realm) and say ‘This is me.’ Like a piece of paper…, you’re the paper, but you make a map and you say ‘India is me.’ Then you say ‘This is my enemy.’ [Pointing to another place on the pretend-map] Like that. But without drawing those boundaries, what is it? You see? What is it?

How can you say ‘me’ and ‘mine’ unless you have a notion that something divides something naturally? And this we had to be taught, actually. And this is what happens because you were taught so well (or badly) [Chuckles] because a child did not have these notions of separation. A child did not have the idea that everything is happening within my body, as if there is something special about my body. The body was just another set of sensations experienced in the one existence. But we were taught ‘No. This is you. Your head. Your nose.’ I remember doing it as a parent. [Smiles] ‘Beta, [son] where’s your nose, where’s your nose?’ Until he got it, we kept saying ‘Where’s your nose?’ [Laughs] What to do? We were parents like this! He learned it like that. And sometimes we’d say ‘Where’s your nose’ and he’ll be like ‘Here’ [Pointing to his head] and I say ‘No, no, no. Wrong! Like this.’ There was maybe a better answer. [Chuckles] We are so deeply conditioned that ‘This has to be. The understanding you give your children, it has to be like that.’

I also take this example of the hand and a toy. We bought a toy for my son. We put it on the crib. We hung it over there and obviously, money was spent on it so we wanted it to be used. So, we said ‘Play with this, play with this, play with this.’ Then we were happy because the hand started to go up. Hand went up. After a while, he started playing with his hand only. So, there’s no difference whether it’s a toy or their hand. You see? It’s like that. They have not yet come to these concepts that ‘This is good, this is a toy.’ Like this famous example of how children love playing with cardboard boxes until they are a certain age and then they get the concept ‘toy.’ Then they know ‘This has been a special gift for me. This is a toy.’ Then they don’t want to play with cardboard boxes anymore. ‘Where’s my Lego? Where’s my (this thing)?’ Then they start

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getting this conceptual, photocopy version of life. But it is not natural. It has been taught. It has been conditioned.

It can sound like terrible news, that we have been conditioned so much. But the good news is …, you know what? The good news is that this conditioning is struggling to catch up with you every moment. You; leaving it behind. All your conditioning is actually struggling to catch up with You, Now. Now. You have left it. Now. Now. You have left it. But if you give it time ‘Okay, come, come’ (and usually you start looking upwards) ‘Ah!’ [Laughs] Once you start to think about it (not just that thoughts are coming, but that you’re actually consuming them) then it can feel like ‘Oh! Caught up.’

The thing with conditioning is you pick up one branch and it seems like the entire is tree is back. But who is the one struggling? It is your conditioning struggling to keep up with You. It is your conditioning which is struggling to keep up with you. If you can just see that, it will bring a lot of space. You see? Because otherwise you keep thinking ‘I must get rid of my conditioning.’ That itself is conditioning.

Carry some conditioning to the next moment and show me how you do it. You can’t do it. You can’t take any conditioning. Completely naked you will come; every moment. But you have to say ‘Did it happen?’ Then, when you say ‘Did it really happen?’ …, then you are looking for ‘Did it really happen?’ And you say ‘No, no, no, of course it didn’t happen.’ (In your case. It might be true for him but in your case, you’re still carrying it.) So, then you pick up that branch, then you feel like the whole identity is back. But still the struggle belongs to the conditioning.

The mind is struggling to convince the unlimited one that it is limited. The unlimited one is not struggling. So much lightness, na?

So, like this; moment-to-moment, just open, light. Even if there is some feeling (which we don’t have to label as light or heavy) which can feel a bit oppressive or constricted, that’s fine …, because nothing is greater than Your Being. Unless you make that map of yourself and say ‘This defines me’ …, tell me, what is too much?

Yesterday we were talking about ‘too much.’ These quantitative things we say like ‘This is just too much for me.’ Too much for me. How big are you then? Because everything then becomes relative. So, if it is grief and I am like this [Holds hands together to make a small space] then it is too much for me. But if I am the unlimited Source, the Being Itself, then what is too much? Then everything is just images dancing in front of Me. So, no need to get irritated with [Sri Nisargadatta] Maharaj when he said ‘The whole universe is just like a firefly for Me.’ Because we can get irritated, like ‘What is he saying?’

Here and Now, You are notion-less. And Here and Now, therefore, there must be some underlying peace. It is just This. That is Our original-ness.

Now, what can you do to spoil it? Suppose the attempt, the project, was to spoil it. Not to keep it but to spoil it. ‘There’s too much peace, man! Come on! Let’s shake things up a bit.’ [Laughs] So, what will you do?

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Let’s go slowly. So, there’s peace and anything can come in front of You. With the arising of that, suppose some ex-girlfriend comes or ex-boyfriend comes. With the arising of that appearance, automatically is there lack of peace? Suppose then, okay, some sensation is also coming. That ex-boyfriend has come and the sensation is also coming. So, even the appearance of both of these objects…, is this what you call suffering? It still needs us to have a notion about it. ‘He’s this way. I wish I could give him one slap!’ You know, something. [Laughs] (I don’t know why I’m saying all this. Are you guys giving me ideas?) [Laughs] So, for this kind of suffering, for you to suffer, you need to do work. This again is upside-down compared to the mind’s paradigm that ‘To suffer, I have to put effort in.’ But to be at peace, it is just normally Here.

Once we start to See this for ourself, we’ll understand what Papaji [Sri Poonjaji] meant when he said ‘To be unhappy, you need something. To be happy, you just Are.’ Its natural. You don’t need anything at all. The thing with the Masters is that they say it so simply that the depth of it gets missed sometimes. You’re like ‘Yeah, I can just be happy, you know…’ [Laughs] But really, just in my naturalness…

So, this is the seeming design of this play, where Consciousness is playing as ‘God Now’ or as ‘me-ow’ …, as ‘God now’ or ‘me-ow’. And I was saying the other day (because it’s happening to a few in Satsang) that this idea is coming that ‘I can play with ‘me, me, me, me, me’ but the minute the trouble starts to come, I’ll go to ‘God now.’ [Laughs] But maybe don’t venture into these expeditions so soon. Don’t venture into any sort of arrogance, any sort of play like that, too early. Of course, God is always going to be there. But you might remember this after like 50 thousand years or something like that [Laughs] …, (which is nothing for You so it’s ultimately fine). [Laughs]

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‘Guru Kripa Kevalam’ Is Also a Concept

[Reading from chat]: “In this moment, you are free, before picking up the next thought or sensation…”

Actually, I would say ‘without the next thought’ because sensations can come and go. To pick up a sensation only means to believe a thought about it. There is no other tool you have. Attention is on it therefore, you can report there is sensation. Besides that, you can only give assent to a thought about it; an interpretation. There is no other way to pick up or identify with a sensation. So, even that part we don’t need to worry about.

[Reading from chat]: “In this moment, you are free, before picking up the next thought or the sensation has resonated and takes me to a deeper place. But do I need to discard this as a notion or stay with it as long as it helps?”

Stay with it as long as it helps …, and I will help you discard it. Like Guruji [Sri Mooji] says ‘Don’t shoot the sheep dog’ or Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] said ‘This is the stick you’re setting on fire so that you can burn the funeral pyre. If you throw away that stick then you can’t burn it.’ Or like he said ‘This is the thorn you are using to remove other thorns; and ultimately you will also throw that away.’

But don’t be too quick to throw it away. ‘Oh, this is a thorn. No, I don’t like thorns.’ [Makes a movement of throwing it away] But all these embedded thorns are still there. Like my Master would sometimes say strongly ‘Don’t become over-smart too soon.’ Like ‘Oh, who needs to do the inquiry? I’m not the doer.’ You see? Like that. [Chuckling] We still feel we are the doer with everything else and that everybody else is doing things to us. We still have all of that. ‘But inquiry I cannot do because I’ve been told by the Master that I’m not the doer.’ So, it’s good you asked. Because otherwise we can just take it on and say ‘Yes, yes, even this is a notion, so let me throw away this first.’ You see? But other notions are still getting belief; they still seem to have power.

So, these atomic notions, these inquiry notions …, even the devotion notion like ‘Guru Kripa Kevalam’ ultimately is also a notion. But until it blows away everything else, use it. While it is doing the job of cleaning up all the other thorns; use it. Then there comes a point when you don’t have to say anything, including ‘Guru Kripa Kevalam.’ This is for all of us, not only for the one who asked this question but for all of us. Something in the mind wants us to become the champion; like fast! [Swings his hand downward very swiftly] ‘I want to become the champion; beyond!’ Something like that. So, just see that that is also a notion. ‘I must get it really fast’ or ‘I’m getting it really slowly’ or ‘Maybe if I can just get it that way or that way.’

[Silence]

If you want a shortcut, then I’m giving you the final shortcut anyway. Don’t try to apply any other shortcuts.

I’m saying that: You are already free Now.

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Let’s say there are (fifteen in the room, thirty on the chat) forty-five [here in Satsang]: There are forty-five Enlightened Beings (if there is such a thing) Here Now. Now, Now, Now. Okay? Anything shorter than that? Nothing is shorter than Now. This is a shortcut. But then don’t try to apply any other shortcut.

[Silence]

So, fundamentally, I’ve just said a couple of things today (although it seemed like I rambled on for quite a bit). [Chuckling] I said:

Don’t buy into any inferences or any so-called claims of knowledge unless they are your true insight.

[Silence]

And when you come to this insight you will see that all these boundaries, all this so-called wanting to get freedom itself is a sham because you find no bondage when you’re truly looking. All bondage was conceptual therefore, even the idea of freedom is conceptual.

So, fundamentally, going back to this whole thing about: What is it that you feel that you are so right about that you cannot surrender it to the Master or burn it in your own Self-inquiry?

[Silence]

Like this child was saying the other day ‘But that is right! Only this, Father!’ Something becomes like ‘Only this is right.’ There is no such thing! These things …, it can feel like we are being light about them but actually, they can take a hold. Our lightness of Being. Then, with the tiniest of conceptual righteousness, it can feel like [holding his hands close to his chest]. Then we come [spreading his arms out wide] to a bigger Openness. ‘What? Oh. I truly can’t say anything; yesterday, today, tomorrow. Nothing. And I was feeling like this is like that, this is like that.’

It’s just a burden advertised as if it’s a benefit. Like in software development …, we do this. [Chuckling] There are a lot of bugs but we just say they are features.

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You Are Perceiving What You Are Conceiving

Q:I have a question about ‘perceiving and conceiving.’ Guruji [Sri Mooji] said (I was just listening to Satsang yesterday or day before yesterday) where he was saying ‘You are perceiving what you are conceiving.’ So, the doubt was…, (one is): in the phenomenal aspect, you see something and you can either perceive it as good or bad. And that’s the phenomenal part of it.

A:Okay, slowly, slowly. Even at this point (a favorite example these days) [Picks up a glass of water]: are you perceiving it as good or bad?

Q: I assume it is the object but it is the interpretation which arises…

A:So, then we can use another term (before we demolish all the terms) [Chuckles] which is just to conceptualize it as if It Is. One is to perceive it. So, you say phenomenally there is a perceiving of it and then there is a concept which seems to get bundled with it. The judgment only comes from the concept, not the thing in itself …, (if there is such a thing as ‘a thing in itself’). So, even this we took the example of the other day, that based on our concepts of it, then we can say ‘good’ or ‘bad’. But the judgment can never come in the pure perception itself.

In fact, it is very beautiful. I was just reading it the other day and I saw that it was said that ‘The perception actually becomes blurry, it is not fully perceived, when we start to conceptualize.’ And why it happens is because we have a limited quantity of attention, so once we move away from just even phenomenal perception to conceptualization, then the perception actually is lost. And we think that we are working then from the conceptual version of what we think it is, rather than what It Is, even phenomenally.

Q:Sort of looking with colored glasses.

A:Exactly.

Q:So, the question was (that’s at the phenomenal level but) when you are at the space of just the Awareness, does this thing of ‘You are perceiving what you are conceiving’ happen at a subconscious level? I am conceiving happiness so happiness starts developing around me. It’s sort of like success begets success; if you feel successful, you get more success. If you feel failure, you will get more failure. Which is sort of what Management Gurus use.

A: ‘The Secret.’

Q: Yeah.

A: Not even to say ‘Management Guru.’ [Laughter] This whole manifestation business. [Smiles]

Q:So, I’m wondering if that is what Guruji meant…, where you are literally what you perceive around you …, since that is what is being conceived at a subconscious level.

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A:See, I like to say that for Consciousness, there is no such thing as a subconscious. [Chuckles]

That’s a different realm of study. I have nothing against that. ‘What is there in your subconscious?’ then we start looking at all of that. So, let’s maybe keep it a little simpler than that. Like yesterday we were saying: there is no actual perceivable difference in this waking state and a dream state.

So, when you are perceiving the dream, who is conceiving it?

Q:That’s where the question is. [Laughs]

A:The same Consciousness.

Q:Yeah, yeah.

A:The same Consciousness in Its very Existence. In fact, ultimately we can come to a point where we can say ‘There is no difference between perceiving and conceiving. Your perceiving of it is the conceiving of it and your conceiving of it is the perceiving of it.’ So, then attention goes from a tool which is just gathering data or gathering sensations to becoming that which provides the light to phenomenal existence. [Chuckles] It’s like a lens through which the light of Your Being is then conceiving/perceiving (if we can use the same term for both).

So, it is not something which is in the time gap. Like yesterday we were joking ‘a million dollars, a million dollars’ and then (because of the manifest power that You are endowed with) over a period of time, a million dollars will manifest. It’s not like that. It’s the same thing: Your perceiving of it IS the conceiving of it. I know that for the mind it is a bit … [Makes a gesture of difficult] [Chuckles]

Q2: You only said it’s different, no? You said it’s different also before?

A: No, no. Okay, say again what I said? [Chuckles]

Q2: You said it’s some arrogance; you said about how we give it our interpretations.

A:Yes, but I used another term for that which is to conceptualize it; not to conceive. Q2: Okay.

A:So, we are talking about three terms: to perceive, to conceive and to conceptualize.

[Chuckles] Now the ‘conceptualize’ we kept aside, because that is all judgment, interpretations inference, all of that, which has no claim over Truth anyway.

Then we are now talking about now two terms, which is ‘perceiving’ and ‘conceiving’ (not to conceptualize.

Q2: So, when conceptualization happens of something, then we don’t conceive it or perceive it?

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A: You still perceive it. But you seem to perceive it with the add-on of the judgment.

Q2: But that’s not conceiving?

A:[Chuckles] Even that we conceive, actually. Even our concept is only what we conceive. You see? But I am saying that if we keep the conceptualization part of it aside for a moment, and just dig into…

Okay, let’s step back. So, he said that ‘In the phenomenal realm, you can then perceive something as good or bad.’ And I was questioning that. ‘Do you really perceive something as good or bad? Or actually, there are two perceptions at play: one is your sensory perceptions and the second is the perception of your concepts? and both mixed up [together]?’ Then the judgment can be believed in, which is that it is good or bad in itself. But the thing in itself (and I always say ‘If there is such a thing’) the thing in itself is not conveying either good or bad; it is just ‘What Is’ (or at least in this case, it is what is appearing). So, it’s latent in the appearance of a phenomenal object. The judgment is not there. The judgment is always an add-on from this narrative mind; from this interpretive mind.

So, first we looked at that and said ‘Okay, let’s take the judgment itself out.’ Then we looked at ‘What does Guruji mean when he says that ‘Your perceiving of it is the conceiving of it’ or ‘Your conceiving of it is the perceiving of it.’? So, I am proposing to you …

Q2: We are conceiving an idea?

A:No, that would be the concept part. We have kept it aside then. Q2: The conceiving would be what?

A:[Chuckles] Yeah, this is what we are saying. So, I am proposing to you that there is actually no difference between your perceiving of it and your conceiving of it. And ultimately, you can use these two terms in the same way. Just like in a dream: you are only perceiving what you are conceiving and you are only conceiving what you are perceiving.

It is not like ‘The Secret’ manifesting kind of way where you say ‘I conceive of the thought of a Ferrari’ [Laughter] and then maybe in the phenomenal experience, it will come. That’s a different process which we are not getting into.

I am saying that this very thing [Points to surroundings] …, as you perceive this, whose conception is this? Only in the light of Your Existence ‘I Am’ does it appear.

See, the thing is that we would never be able to say ‘Everything is the will of Consciousness’ if it was not this. So, it’s all-interlinked. Because it is the will of Consciousness therefore, it is a conception of Consciousness; a conceiving of Consciousness (not a conceptualization). See?

I know these terms can be a bit like ‘What’s going on?’ But it’s good to sometimes just separate them. Otherwise our mental process gets mixed with our sensory (or even our inner) perception

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and it can all seem like a big muddle. But the thing is that we have to use terms so that we can discard them. [Chuckles] Not that we can hold onto them; it’s so that we can discard them.

Now, we are saying that ‘Okay, I perceive something, then my attention is on it.’ So, I say ‘Bring your attention to the sound on the road, bring your attention to this body, bring your attention to a sensation in the body.’ We can say it like that and it can seem like ‘I, as Consciousness, seem to have this power, seem to be able to work with this power called attention.’ And then the question remains:

Is attention going to an object which already exists?

Or is it that the power of perception is the same as the power of conception itself?

Now what I would say is that: only that exists which you perceive. And yet, the potential for unlimited perception is here. So, you can never run out of the world; in the sense that you can go further, further, further into this realm and you can never run out of it …, because it comes from this unlimited potential. So, in that way, I would propose that there is no actual difference between perceiving and conceiving; which is how I would look at what Guruji said, that ‘Your perceiving of it is your conceiving of it’ or ‘Your conceiving of it is your perceiving of it.’

So, it is talking about not some subconscious manifestation. It is talking about just: Your power to perceive is the same as your power to conceive; and your power to conceive is the same as your power to perceive. Just like in a dream.

Now, the same thing you can apply to the dream idea. Like I sometimes say ‘You are reading (in the dream) a newspaper that something happened in America.’ [Chuckles] So, it’s then only that the newspaper seems to actually exist for you. There is no America there. And yet, if you have some device over there and can you travel to America or you can look it up, then that appears. You see? It is the same for this realm like that. [Chuckles] All of these things; you don’t have to stress to figure it out. Just allow them to be your own insights. And even if we don’t agree on these insights, that’s completely fine. What we will agree upon is Your ultimate Reality.

The nature of this phenomenal appearance, we can always even agree to disagree on. [Chuckles] That is why all the disagreements even in Advaita Vedanta are about the relationship of the phenomenal appearance with relation to the Absolute. Some will say there is no difference; it is one; Abheda. Some will say actually there is a difference; bheda. Some will say there is actually no difference but actually, some difference. We are taking about what? We’re talking about the Absolute, the appearance of the seeming individualized Consciousness, and the world: these are the three things.

(Okay let me go slowly.) [Chuckles] We are talking about the relationship between the Absolute, the seeming individualization of Consciousness which is called Jivatma, and the appearance of the world which is called Jagat: these are the three variables.

Now, one thing that everybody will agree upon (in Advaita Vedanta) is that the Absolute remains

aforever unchanging, non-qualitative Self. The Unchanging, non-phenomenal; non-qualitative Self; everybody agrees on that. But everybody disagrees (all the main paths within Advaita

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Vedanta) will disagree on what is the relationship of this Absolute and the seeming-appearance of this Consciousness …, and the seeming appearance of this world. Now, based on all of these various combinations, we have all of these various paths. Advaita-Vedanta can seem like it is one path but it is ‘full’ of differences. There is Vishist Advaita, Shudh Advaita, Keval Advaita, Bheda, Abheda, Bheda Abheda…, all of these paths which are basically talking about the difference in their concept of the appearance. But on the Absolute, they agree.

As long as we, from a place of an insight, find that this is My Absolute Unchanging Reality, then what terms we put around rest of it (the worldly appearance and the seeming-existence of an individualized Consciousness) that we can say [something about].

So, I just speak from what insights are here and what term seems most applicable. But I am not really attached to that terminology. I am happy with whatever you are finding for yourself. But my proposition is for you to explore. Everything that I’m saying is just for you to explore; not like a final gospel Truth or something like this.

My proposition to you is to See whether there is really any difference between perception and conception.

And then to see what happens when this perception gets muddled up with our conceptualization.

Is there any trouble in the naked perception?

(…phenomenal as it might be? And whether you choose to call it illusory or real, that is okay.)

But in the appearance of this naked perception, is there any trouble?

Or do you need to mix it with conceptualization for this sense of trouble to come?

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You Cannot Take the ‘Lie’ Into the Next Moment

Q:So, that is why it is effortless.

A:It is effortless, yes.

Q:That is like, in Itself, It has this inherent quality too. It is like magically fresh, and effortless.

A:Yes. It is like when we go from deep sleep, dreamless sleep to waking state, there is no lever that is pressed; there is no effort. It might seem like, after waking up, that there is an effort for this body to move. We are not talking about that. I am saying that the arising of the waking state itself and the rising of the dream state itself is completely effortless. Then, if the arising of it is effortless, then the play within it also continues to be effortless. [Smiles]

You are not making an effort to exist. And in Your Existence, everything is functioning completely fine. We don’t need that term ‘completely fine.’ It’s just functioning …, in the sense that ‘What Is’ in its manifest aspect is completely taking care of itself. It needs no mental intervention (although it creates that, as part of its play). [Smiles] Like, what thought are you using to exist Right Now?

Your Existence is prior to whatever thought might be there. So, you are not using a thought to exist. And in your Existence, you see a realm which is full of movement. So, it is not an effortful conception or an effortful movement. The effort is required to consider yourself to be something that you’re not. To consider something to be something that you’re not is effortful.

I was saying yesterday that you cannot take the lie with you in the next moment. Only the Truth remains. What simpler shortcut can there can be? Until the ‘but’ comes, you are fine. You are ‘Is.’ [Chuckles] Now, whether you say ‘Is-ness’ or ‘Am-ness’ or ‘such-ness’ or Beingness, You just Are. So, who is the one that is actually struggling? Right Now, there is God; there is ‘Is.’

The struggle comes because there is a notion that ‘I must know something or resolve it.’ The struggle can come because of that. That’s why we’re exploring this need to know. Actually, the true Knowing is present before you can know something. The true Knowingness is present before you can know something.

So, the need to know is just an imitator. It is just an imitation of the true Knowingness. Conceptual knowing and even ultimately a perceptual knowing is just like an imitation of Your true Knowingness Itself. Before you put on this mask of imitator, all is truly Known …, (with a capital ‘K’ Known. This small ‘k’ known is the imitator).

The thing is that it is a very primal sort of need in our human existence. Because even as I say this, there can be like this thing that ‘Ah, do I know this?’ For me to know even this, the true Knowing is present before I can know something. ‘How can I know?’ I am talking about a very primal movement here; a very, very primal movement …, even before ‘What I know’ and ‘Whether it is true or false’ and ‘What is true or not.’ What is this impulse to know?

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What Will an Answer Give to You?

Q:But where I felt the problem arises still, again, is that when I just say ‘This Knowingness’ it’s hard to conceptualize it.

A:Impossible! It’s not hard, it’s impossible. Are you okay without conceptualizing it? Ultimately that’s the thing; in Satsang, ultimately that’s the thing. Are you okay without your concepts of the truth or right or wrong? Or you just have to know it conceptually?

Q: There’s like a …, you know …, like a flip needs to take place.

A: But you don’t know this. [Chuckles]

Q: True actually. [Chuckles] But it’s not coming from the mind…

A:Any project, shift, flip, whatever, is still a concept. If a project was needed, if a shift was needed, if a flip was needed (or not needed; either position) then that would mean that the naked truth is not enough. Which is Now. If it had a condition, then it cannot be the eternal Truth.

Q2: Then why is it called enlightenment?

A: Why is it called enlightenment?

Q2: Why is it sort of made into an event?

A:Why? [Said with unspoken reference to the recent Satsang pointings of: For every ‘why’ question, the answer is ‘Consciousness.’] [Sangha laughs]

Q: No, no, you know what I mean. You know that all of us are here for that.

A:The thing is that now how it appears to seeming-other eyes is like that. Like you are struggling with the need to know; the need to know and to understand. And suddenly the struggle dropped! You see? For you [it dropped]. You saw that This was always Here; this Truth. But to others, it will appear that the struggle has gone away. ‘She must be enlightened!’ So, in the play of the world it can seem like a switch happened. But what You find for YourSelf is that Reality has always been This. You see? Now, if you were playing with an imaginary friend for thirty years, it was never there …, and then you realize that the imaginary friend is never there.

Q2: So, it’s kind of an event.

A:Yeah, it’s ‘kind of’ an event. But not in Reality. Because the imaginary friend was never there. It was never there! You were always This! How it appears to your eyes and to the world’s eyes can be that ‘Oh! Something changed.’ But what actually changed? It’s just that something false (which was seemingly-carried) has now dropped away. But the thing is that the false was never really there anyway. That’s why it is false.

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But question first. I’ll answer the question, as I always do. There’s one answerer sitting here [Chuckles] which is a habit. But I’m saying:

Before that thing comes that ‘I have to crack this’ …, before that movement, what is there?

Something can feel unsettled. But what will the answer give to you?

Like you ask a good question and I give a good answer. (Hopefully.) [Chuckles] So, then what will that answer give to you? You see? It is just like satisfying a desire which has become a knot. And the desire is what? The desire is our need to understand.

Q2: Yes, but you’re also opening our eyes at one level.

A:Yes. But now, before you can close your eyes, are they open? …, in the sense that before the desire to conceptually know, are your eyes open or closed?

Q2: Open.

A:They’re open. So, I’m not averse to questions. I’m just like pushing you all to a deeper looking, which is that: Before that impulse comes, before the conclusions (even as subtle as they might be) that ‘I don’t know this and I have to understand this!’ …, then, when the answer comes, what kind of understanding actually takes place? I’m proposing that it’s like a knot and an unknotting; whereas the Witness of the knotting and unknotting is just untouched by all of this.

Q2: Yeah, it’s always this way that ‘Oh! But if I saw this, then I will have a deeper insight and then I will have a more peaceful (whatever) life.’

A:Exactly. But it’s like yesterday we were joking that if you desire something and then you find a way to manifest it (we were talking about some chanting) then something can happen that you can do and you can get your desire. Then I said ‘Okay, then after that?’ Then you wait until your next desire comes and then you chant for that. Then you wait for next desire. So, this is a treadmill.

Q2: So, wanting to be smart …

A:Wanting ‘to know’. What is this knowing itself? Like, what is it that after seemingly-knowing so much, that we actually know? This is a valid question: What is it that we actually know after seemingly-having this human experience (for whatever period of time)? Presumably we know something by now. But can anybody tell me conclusively what you know?

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True Knowledge Is Just the Dropping of the False

So, after seemingly knowing so much, what do you actually know? This is a valid question because what is it that we actually know? After seemingly having this human experience for whatever period of time, presumably we know something by now. But then, can anyone tell me conclusively what you know?

Q: Only that ‘I Am.’

A:But even this ‘I Am’ came to you this morning. What woke up? You say ‘This I Am-ness woke up.’ Now this ‘I’ which witnessed even the waking up of this ‘I Am’ …, is that known?

It is, in a way, but that is the [Knowing with a] capital ‘K.’ You don’t have a concept of it, you don’t have a perception of it and yet you know it. This astounds me, even as I say it. Because you cannot really conceptualize the ‘I’ that witnesses Your Being; That which is Aware even of Your Existence. You cannot really conceptualize it, you know that. And you cannot perceive it objectively with any quality. And yet, you Know. So, it is not a mental knowing, it is not a perceptual knowing. And yet, who is Aware? You are. ‘I Am Aware’ …, even of ‘I Am.’

Guruji [Sri Mooji] said ‘Before I Am.’ The ‘I’ which is before ‘I Am.’ Now, this is the thing; you already know that you cannot conceptualize this Truth because everything you can conceptualize has an opposite concept. But This does not have an opposite.

Now, how will you bring this to your mind?

Can you bring this to your mind?

Like in the words of Guruji when I went to Him in the hot seat [He said] ‘If you ‘know’ it only messes it up and it is never true anyway.’ So, this attempt to bring our inner insight, intuitive insight, to our conceptual mind is what causes the frustration on the spiritual path. Because you feel like the certificate of Freedom will only come ‘When I am able to translate it conceptually’ or it can even feel like ‘When I am able to speak like Ananta; when I am able to share insights like this …, then …! Because he seems to have the right concepts to [speak about it].’ But nobody does. These are not right concepts; these are just, at best, pointers. Nothing that I can ever say can truly actually even point to that.

(I don’t know what we are doing here then.) [Laugher in the room] (But somehow it seems more auspicious than other worldly activity.) [Laughter] (Maybe that’s just a concept.)

The thing is that this, which is your intuitive insight, in that moment of looking for the answer to ‘Are you Aware now’ it is clear to you. This cannot be brought to your mind. And this is why Satsang (this type of Satsang) is actually anti-concept, anti-intellect almost, in a way. To the mind, it is really a journey to forgetfulness …, or even to go to the extreme of saying stupidity. Mental emptiness is the recognition of an unchanging fullness. Because it is apparent to You Now! But you are not able to conceptualize it because it is so empty of quality.

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Are you Aware Now? You know it is ‘Yes.’ But you are not able to conceptualize this entity on the basis of which you are saying ‘Yes.’ You are not able to conceptualize it, you are not able to perceive it. That is why it can feel like ‘I haven’t found it.’ Then how can you say ‘Yes’? It is apparent! It is too obvious! And yet it is not perceptual, it is not conceptual.

If these terms are confusing, I can use simpler ones. When I am saying ‘conceptual’ it is just like mental. Saying ‘It is not perceptual’ means you are not perceiving it as an object.

And yet, You Are.

Who is unaware of their Existence?

(‘As what?’ …, I’m not asking that. Just ‘…of their Existence.’) Because even to be unaware of it, You have to be Awareness. [Chuckles] You say ‘I am unaware’ but then you are aware that you are unaware. There is no escaping it. That is why it does not have an opposite. It is not ‘aware’ with the opposite ‘unaware.’ You cannot say ‘aware’ and ‘not aware; there is no Awareness.’ Like some people say that ‘I have discovered a higher Truth which is that I am not even Aware.’ So, then you must be saying that ‘I am aware now that I am unaware.’ So, don’t get trapped into any of these mental concepts.

This contemplation is good:

What does an answer provide to you? What is the question really asking?

And what does the answer provide to you? Is it a true Knowing?

Or it is, at best, something which demolishes something which you already know?

You might feel like you ask a question and you’ll get a good answer but actually you’re asking for a bomb which demolishes everything you know about anything.

Q:It dissipates the notion, which is kind of like the question without the notion that you’re holding…

A:Yes exactly, that is why I liked what Adya [Adyashanti] said (someone had put it in the Seva group) saying that ‘The Master does not answer your question; he questions your answer.’

Because for all our answers (he is talking about these conceptual answers where we feel like we know something) he [the Master] will bring that into Your light and say ‘What is it that we actually know?’

So, now, if this is Jnana yoga, as opposed to other paths, this means ‘This is shining the light of true Knowing.’ And true Knowing is non-conceptual. Right Now, You are empty of concepts …, then Right Now, you have achieved Jnana yoga. [Chuckles]

The light of Your True Knowing is already Here. That is why it is lovely, beautiful, what Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] said. He said ‘True knowledge is just the dropping of false.’ The dropping of the false. It is not the learning of something new. You see? Some of these things

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are so pristine and if we just take them to heart for a bit, that ‘To come to knowledge, I don’t have to gain anything. It is not a plus. It is just a dropping of that which is false.’ Otherwise, it can feel like ‘When will I really know? When will I know the Truth? When will I come to true Knowing?’ It is there!

So, what it means is that if it is only a process of removal of the dust (which is another example which the Sages use) then it is just the concept of removing the dust from our eyes; like that. That means the pure Seeing must already be there at your core.

So, in a sense, the Guru is just the garbage collector. [Chuckles] He is the garbage collector who is taking all your conceptual knowledge. Sometimes shaking things up and saying ‘Give it all to me, this nonsense you are talking about.’ [Laughing] And sometimes, saying ‘My child, my child, just surrender it.’ You see?

But in whatever way he is asking for it, this is the ‘Guru Dakshina’ …, which is [giving him] everything that we think we know, everything we think we know and feel right about. And sometimes, like a child, sometimes we don’t want to give it actually. Like ‘But Father I want this. This is my favorite toy! This is my favorite toy.’ The Father will say ‘Okay, okay, we will see tomorrow.’ [Then mimics snatching it away from the child anyway] [Laughter] You know, just like that. Because the Father knows it is not good for the child. Because if they are truly asking for the Truth, then you cannot provide them more dust to put in their eyes. ‘Here is some more dust for you.’ So, it must be ‘Come, come, let me wash your eyes for you.’

That’s why this question is poking a lot; is pushing a lot of buttons: What is it that you insist upon being right about?

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Allow the Shakiness in ‘Not Knowing’ to Play Out

A:Not knowing can seem a bit shaky. Not knowing can seem shaky for it a bit. Allow it to shake.

What I’m really saying is that because no concept can translate your true insight, no concept can match what your true insight is showing you, therefore this ‘not knowing’ (this inability to conceptualize the Truth) can seem like it is a bit empty. It can seem like ‘Do you really know the answer?’ It can feel a bit too open to ‘not know.’ And that is fine.

Once you start to taste this emptiness then you’ll never want to fill this up conceptually. (You can never say ‘never’ …, but mostly.)

Q:So, you’re pointing to us is: Don’t try to know the Truth, in that sense; like knowing it in a conceptual way.

A:Or perceptual way. Most importantly, in a conceptual way.

Q:Like we know in the phenomenal world…

A: What do we know in the phenomenal world?

Q:Well, within the play, I mean to say, just some things. I need to know this is a shirt, and I need to wear it this way.

A:Do you need to know that it’s a shirt to wear it?

Q:No.

A:This is like my example I take often, like I say ‘Do I need to know it’s a glass to drink from it?’

Q:If a thirst arises…

A: Do I need to know that it is thirst?

Q:No, I don’t need to know. I’m experiencing something.

A:Exactly. That’s why I’m saying your naked perception of it, empty of your concept of it. You see? So, all of this is a play of naked perceptions until we involve our conceptual mind in it and say ‘We know what this is. This is thirst, this is grief, this is joy, this is water, this is a glass’ (all of this). But just like babies; it’s a beautiful example how babies can suck milk from the breast. They don’t know any of it. They don’t know what milk is, how to drink it, none of this; and yet that movement happens naturally.

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In a way it’s just like hearing or digestion or the heart beating. But in our process of the play of individualization we’ve given ourselves attributes; like we’ve given ourselves boundaries (enclosing his hands around his body) and constrictions. And then we’ve attached other attributes to ourselves saying ‘I’m doing this. The heart, I’m not beating; that is nature’ (as if there is an entity called ‘nature’). ‘Nature is doing that.’ You see? ‘Digestion, that’s nature. This I’m not doing. But the movement of my hand, I am doing.’ Then if you are not doing your digestion then that same One cannot move the hand? So, we’ve given ourselves certain attributes and said ‘Yeah, this part I’m doing, the speaking I’m doing.’ Actually, every time you speak it’s apparent to you that you are not speaking. There is nobody sitting there. The speaking is just happening in the same way hearing is just happening.

So, this process of sensational movement, perceptional movement, is all just happening. You see? We have taken some of this and taken individual ownership of it and said ‘This I am doing.’ So, you don’t need to know ‘shirt, wearing’ (none of that) to wear it. It’s all part of the same movement of Consciousness. The waves are moving. You’re saying ‘In this wave, this part I am moving. But from here to here, [Moving his hand to a certain height] Consciousness takes me. But from here to here, [Moving his hand higher] I have to do. And therefore, to do that I need to know this.’

This is very, very fundamental because if Satsang leaves you with even this simple concept that ‘I am wearing my shirt because I know it is a shirt’ then I cannot leave you with that. [Chuckles] In fact, (this is one of the examples I share sometimes) I was getting ready for Satsang one day. All of the process of picking out the clothes; all of it is happening. And I could see the mind is trying to keep up with that process, saying ‘Yeah, yeah, wear this.’ It had already been decided, in a way; Consciousness has already picked out how it’s going to play. But the mind was coming in and saying ‘Yeah, wear this, it will be fine.’ So, it’s just trying fast to keep up. And that’s when you start to notice your Being is always one step ahead of your mind. It is your mind which is struggling to catch up with This; with ‘What Is’ in its manifest aspect.

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What Is the Trouble with This ‘I’?

Now, suppose you came to India to visit the Taj Mahal. Both of us are standing in front of the Taj Mahal.

You say: ‘Brother, can you please show me where is the Taj Mahal?’ And I say ‘Here it is. Look in front. It’s just here.’

[Then you say]: ‘But show me the Taj Mahal.’

[I say]: ‘Here it is.’

[You say]: ‘I don’t think this is the Taj Mahal. I don’t think this is it.’

[I say]: ‘Okay, but this is it, you know.’

[You say]: ‘I don’t feel this is it’ or ‘I had a different photo of it. I’d seen a different photo of it so I don’t feel like this is it.’

But all I can do is keep pointing you to that and say ‘This is It.’

So, in the same way, what You are Now, unburdened with any concept, is It.

Whether you like it or not, this is It. [Laughs] The liking and not-liking come later. The idea we have about it comes later. But It already IS.

Now you might say ‘What is It?’

I say ‘This is It.’

So, you might say ‘So then, what? What?’

And we can go through all the experiences.

And we say ‘That which witnesses all of these, That is It.’

So, where does that leave us? [Silence] How many of you still feel that you have to see something to find the Self? [Looks around] Nobody? [Laughs] Yes?

Q1: Experience.

A:Experience is what? What would you call an experience? Q1: Experience is peaceful.

A:Peaceful? Have you been peaceful ever? You have. So, then you realized the Self then?

Q1: It’s not steady.

A:Steady. So, a steady experience of peace, is that the Self?

Q1: That’s what I am looking for.

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A:You’re looking for it. The one that is looking is which one? You say (and very naturally) ‘I am looking for this.’ Are you talking about the same one which is witnessing everything?

The one that wants and the one that Sees, are they the same?

[Silence]

So, what is the way to check this? Find the one that Sees and ask him what he (or she) wants. [Chuckles]

Found the one the Sees? Found? [Laughs] Everybody has this awkward silence. You know why it is this awkward silence? It’s because already in this is included Guruji’s [Sri Mooji’s] piranha question [Can the Perceiver be Perceived?] when I say ‘Find the one that Sees and ask it what it wants.’

So, where do we get stuck? You can’t find the one that Sees? Can we? Or not? Can we find the one that Sees or not?

‘To find.’ Not that I have an idea of it, not that I have a feeling like ‘Oh, some peace is coming, thank you, thank you!’ It’s not about that. It can happen so many times where we start inquiring into this, and we get distracted by another so-called good experience or so-called bad experience; but it is about neither. Because it’s happened so often in the past few years where I’ve said ‘Okay, let’s look’ and you have said ‘Oh, Father, thank you; there’s some peace’ …which is fine, but what did we find? Because in another way, if we start looking and there is agitation, you say ‘No, no, I can’t look now. There is agitation.’ So, we get stuck with the sense of peace or agitation. But the inquiry was different, no?

Fundamentally it is simple: Who are you? Who are you, really? Who are you?

I’ve given a clue, which is ‘Find the one that Sees’

[Looks around]: ‘But? … But? [Laughs] It shouldn’t be that difficult. Because, presumably, you are the one that is Seeing. If I say to you ‘Look at the fan’ and then I say ‘No, no, you didn’t actually look; it was Govind sitting next to you who saw it’ then you would say ‘No, Father, of course I looked.’ So, this is clear that it is ‘I.’

But, this ‘I’ …, what’s the trouble?

I want you to say it before I can say it. [Chuckles]

What’s the trouble with this ‘I’? What makes it feel like ‘I can’t really confirm this? I say I am Seeing but I can’t really confirm, you know; can’t confirm.’

Q2: You can’t find it. You can’t point to it.

A: You can’t point to it. Why not?

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Q2: What will we point to?

A: You. To You.

Q2: Yeah, I mean like ‘me’ …, what can I point to? I can only point to this body.

A: This body. So, that you’ve seen through.

Q2: Senses.

A:Senses you’ve seen through. What witnesses all of this? Q2: Can’t point to it.

A:Can’t point to it. Why not?

Q:It’s not point-able.

A:Why is not point-able? Q2: Why?

A:Don’t say ‘Consciousness.’ [Sangha laughs. He is referring to his pointing of: The answer to all ‘why’ questions is ‘Consciousness.’]

Stay with me. Why is it not point-able?

Q2: Because it’s not something the way I know other things.

A:What is different about it? What is the way you know other things? Q2: Like objects.

A:Objects; you perceive them or you have a concept of them. But this one? What happens to this one?

Q2: This one is just there.

A:It’s just where? [Chuckles] Like you said, you can’t point to it. Q3: It’s because ‘I Am It.’

A: You are it?

Q3: …and there’s no separation and you have to have separation to point to something.

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A:Do you have to have separation to point to something? Q3: One thing points to another thing.

A:So, we can’t even point to it? Q2: It’s so obvious.

A:It’s so obvious? I’m just asking questions. [Laughs] I’m just repeating what everyone is saying. Say…

Q2: It’s so obvious that the minute you look for it, it’s gone.

A: Is it gone? [Laughs]

Q2: No, you know what I mean…

A:I don’t want to make this into a Lampoon session. I’m just saying: Is it really gone? Q2: No, it can’t. It can’t go also.

A:It can’t go. Why not?

Q2: Because it’s the only thing that’s always there.

A: How do you know this?

Q2: Because always I can confirm that ‘I Am Here.’

A:If you can always confirm that You are Here, tell me again what you are looking for? Q2: [Laughs]

[Laughter in the room]

A:All this we can confirm. And yet we seem to be on some sort of a journey, some sort of a search. What is this search?

We are actually trying to capture it mentally or perceptually. (Let’s call it the same thing, okay? I rarely do this but for a minute, let’s call both ‘the mind.’ Whether you see you perceptually or mentally, let’s say it is the mind.) So, we are trying to capture (in the mind) That which is too big for the mind …, (or too much; or beyond, let’s say. Because even ‘big’ and ‘much’ are quantitative terms). It is beyond the mind.

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It’s like trying to hold some milk in the sieve. (You know the sieve?) In a sieve, can you hold some milk? It’s the wrong tool. It’s the wrong tool and this is, in a way, also what Shivani is asking. We feel like (because we’ve been taught this way) that ‘Unless I have it in my mind, I don’t know anything; I don’t know it.’ But this you cannot get in your mind. Like all of you said ‘I Am It. It doesn’t leave. It is just Here.’ But you do not say this out of some vision of it. The one that you say is ‘I’ when you say ‘I am always Here’ …, what is the color of that one? Empty of color, isn’t it? What is the shape, size, age, any attribute, of That One?

The closest we can come is to call it Awareness, in a way, because at least we can say about It that ‘It is aware of all things.’ And yet even ‘Awareness’ does not capture It in Its entirety. It does not capture Its true intelligence, as a term.

Now, you are trying to box it with some terms or some images. Now, you can’t do that. [Silence. Looks around]

Are you going to give up on trying to do that? [Laughs] You’ll think about it…

So, the giving up of trying to do that is surrender.

The exploration into that is inquiry.

The giving up on trying to conceptualize or trying to picture the Self is surrender. It’s a beautiful surrender.

And the inquiring into the True nature, trying to find out ‘What is this ‘I’? Who am I?’ is inquiry.

And both are the same.

Why are both the same? Because when you give up trying to picture yourself, what You Are is apparent. When you give up trying to picture yourself, you have the True vision (we have to use phenomenal terms) of YourSelf; the True darshan.

When you find out ‘Who am I?’ …, when you come to the recognition of your Source, you are empty of all pictures about It.

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Empty of Concepts, You Can’t Miss the Truth

Now, the thing is that the made-up individual identity does not give up on false knowledge. If you are new to Satsang and if I were to tell you that ‘Everything you think you know is garbage’ you might feel like ‘Oh, he is very aggressive.’ [Chuckles] What do I really mean?

I really mean that the Truth cannot be known in this way; in a mental way, in a conceptual way, in a pictorial way, in a phenomenal way. But also, empty of concepts, the Truth cannot be missed.

The Truth can never be known in a conceptual way.

And empty of concepts you cannot miss the Truth.

Now, everything that you think you know about yourself is false because it represents somebody who isn’t here.

Tell me something you really know about your Self.

What do you really know about your Self?

And if you know nothing about your Self, then what can you know about the world? So, stop trying to fathom Reality in this way. Nobody has been able to do it.

Then, what is this ‘Know Thy Self’? [Speaking as someone in sangha]: ‘All the Sages have said ‘Know thy Self’. Yet, you [Ananta] are saying that you cannot know it.’ This is the other part of what I am saying, that when you’re empty of notions, empty of concepts, you can’t miss it.

Now, this is a restaurant which has no take away. You can’t put it in a bag and take it home (if you know what I mean). If you try to box this experience, if you try to make a concept like ‘I found the Self. It was like this, it was like this’ then it seems like it is lost.’ If you try to make a painting of it, it seems like it is lost. So, in your imagination you cannot hold it, in your concept you cannot hold it; you have no apparatus. Your memory cannot hold this. You have no device, no apparatus, no safe that can hold this.

But you are never lost because you don’t have to hold it. You see? When you are empty of this concept of grabbing, of getting, of clinging, of understanding, of knowing …, Here You Are!

And the good thing about discovering this ‘Here I Am’ is that you See that ‘Even when I am grabbing, grasping, clasping, wanting, holding …, I am not lost, (in Reality). The recognition of this is useful in that way.

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Is This Being Is an Experience?

Now, I am telling you something very radical, in a way, which is to say that in this moment the Truth is completely apparent to you. The Truth is completely apparent to you, but when you try to put it in a box and you try to own it, it seems to escape you. [Silence]

So, this idea that something has to change, something has to be understood or seen, would imply that the Truth also comes and goes. What are you Right Now? You say ‘I just Am. I neither come nor go.’ Who can speak these words? You cannot say them as a body. The body goes every night when deep sleep comes (and deep sleep actually means that which is empty of even the dream state). Deep sleep comes and where is the body? So, this is what I call a ‘temporary lease.’ [Chuckles] You cannot even say it will have a tomorrow. So, when you say ‘I do not come and go’ who must you be speaking as?

You don’t have to be a certain way; no conditions are needed. In fact, it is the conditions which seem to make it slip away. Note that I’m saying ‘seem to.’ Okay, let me try and say it even more simply.

You are the Self, Right Now, and your manifest Being is empty of all conditions in this very moment. Therefore, it IS that Free Being or Enlightened Being (whatever you call it).

Now, if you don’t buy any ‘But …’ I don’t have to say anything else. So, your move now.

You are the Self and Your Being is empty of all conditions. [Silence] Is this an experience? [Looks around the room] Is this an experience? Is Being an experience? Like when I say: ‘Can you stop being?’ Theoretically, mentally, I can have a concept of it (of death or something like this) but if you were to ask me to try: Right Now, this Being is just Here. Isn’t it? So, is this Being an experience? Being. Just to be. Is it an experience? [Smiles]

This is where actually language starts to fail us because it is neither an experience nor a non- experience. You can say ‘Of course, I experience My Being.’ And yet. I say: ‘What color is it? What shape is it? What size is it?’ These are the criteria for experience. But this comes to the cusp. The cusp of experience and non-experience comes to this Being. And then, if I was to ask you: ‘So, what is aware even of your Beingness? Can you experience That?’ …, there you will find that even words like Presence, Existence, fail us; and yet You know it is true that You are aware.

So, we’ve left all of this experience behind. And yet, you come to a recognition, empty of phenomenal experience. And this is what I’m saying that the mind cannot capture.

So, when I ask you ‘Are you aware now?’ …, there is awareness. But you didn’t see it. And yet, you confirm it.

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What Makes You Confirm Awareness?

What makes you confirm Awareness?

What is the basis of your confirmation?

You are not just lying. You are not just saying ‘Okay, we know it’s the right answer. Let us say yes, I am aware.’ You are aware. Like you were saying: It is most obvious. How is it so obvious? What makes it so obvious?

Q: Only because that I am aware that I am aware.

A:It is only that ‘I am aware that I am aware.’ [Smiles] Yes. What does it mean to be aware that you are aware? How can you paint this Awareness for me? What color will you use?

Q: No, color.

A:How big will that painting be?

Q:No size.

A:He is saying something very beautiful. ‘I am aware that I am aware.’ I’m asking him to define this ‘Awareness.’ He says ‘No color, no size.’ At least tell me how many dimensions it has.

Q: No dimensions.

A:[Smiles] What is That without dimensions? And he is not just making it up. It’s not a concept of ‘no dimensions.’ So, this is the reason why your mind will struggle with this completely.

Because the mind only means dimensions. ‘Maya’ itself means that which can be measured.

Now, the thing is that this means nothing for you, or what you think you are. [Smiles] The recognition of the Self means nothing for the person that you think you are. It can have a lot of by-products. Bliss, in fact, is promised. [Smiles] Sat-chit-ananda is promised; Ananda. But I am provoking you towards the Truth, irrespective of what benefits (or not) there might be.

This is why the whole example of the ‘The ocean and the coconut’ comes. You found that you are the ocean. You used to think that you are the coconut on the surface of the ocean. Now, you found that you are the ocean. Did something special happen to that coconut? Did the coconut get a halo? I know it sounds like a very strange example but this is exactly what most of us do. ‘I am discovering this about myself; now what does that mean for me?’ So, our coconut-ness, our selfishness, is so much part of our conditioning that it can translate in this way also, that ‘I discovered that I am the boundless ocean but please tell me, how does that help this coconut?’

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You Are Beyond Duality

When we claim to know mentally then it seems like the Real Truth seems to get obscured or masked, in a way. And when we are empty of all of this ‘knowing’ (which is Right Now) it is apparent to you.

Now, for a long time, the mind might fight you and say ‘What apparent? What is apparent? Nothing is apparent. Why does he keep saying apparent?’ [Chuckling] But it is. You will see this. In fact, in this moment, before you buy into that idea, it is apparent that it is apparent. There is no struggle, Right Now. There is no end or start or struggle.

Q: When you say ‘apparent to you’ …, apparent to who?

A:Apparent to You, the Self, the Consciousness Itself which is playing this game of the seeming-individuality and the getting rid of it.

Q: For that, it is always apparent

A:For that, it is always apparent but in the ‘Big Seeming’ (as we call it; the Leela, the Maya) It has given Itself the power to play ‘as if’.

Q: Is there something else which indulges in all this?

A:No. It Itself indulges in all this. It is all there is. There is nothing else to even indulge in anything else. Just like if I say to you ‘Imagine that you’re in Kashmir’ (or something like that) you can build this. If I say ‘Believe a hundred thoughts about that one’ you can start to build a story around this one and then somebody comes and says ‘Oh, that one …, his head got chopped off!’ [Pretends to be shocked] It’s just an imaginary character that you just believed a hundred thoughts about. You see? You read a story book. A narrative is collection of ideas that we have about something. And then if it ends abruptly, like somebody came and chopped his head off; end of story. ‘Ouch! What was that?’ [Making a shocked expression]. It’s like that. So, there was never anybody else; it was just Consciousness Itself given the power to believe these narratives and to believe that there must be an existent entity behind this narrative.

So basically, this ‘person’ is nothing but a narrative, a set of ideas you have about YourSelf. There is no existent entity beyond Consciousness. Because otherwise then there would be ‘God and me’ …, there would be two. It is God Itself which is playing.

Q: That is why it is apparent to Itself?

A:To Itself, to Itself. [Nodding yes] That’s why I say Satsang is a crazy game where That which can never be lost comes to find Itself. Like Guruji [Sri Mooji] has a better way of putting it:

‘Satsang is a rehab for God by God.’ [Chuckles]

Whatever we say; whether it’s an alarm clock that you YourSelf set, whether it’s breadcrumbs you left along the way when you were going into the forest (and breadcrumbs are not the best idea which is something we know from the story).

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As we’re starting to examine really what we know, were realizing it’s all nonsense. Everything that we know, it’s all nonsense. And the thing is, even this we cannot know fully (that it’s all nonsense). If we were able to say ‘It’s all nonsense’ that would be fine then. But we don’t even know whether it’s all nonsense. [Chuckling]

In fact, we’ve gone beyond the duality of sense and nonsense. Beyond the duality of right and wrong, beyond yes and no. Like we were asking the other day: What’s the difference between yes and no? Like: What’s the difference between before and after? And you’ll see at the root of it ‘Okay, this comes from memory, this comes from projection…’ Ultimately, you come to see that for all of these, at the bottom, you just have concepts of them. Like what is memory? What is projection? Whose light is this? Who is the light in which all of this is projected? You See? Then you come to the unity in a way, which is beyond explanation.

So, fundamentally what I’m saying today is that: You cannot capture It as a visual, as a perception, and you cannot come to an ultimate concept of It because It is beyond both these things.

Now struggle. Now try to struggle. Because struggle is only about these things; in your trying to know it mentally or trying to capture it perceptually in some way. You can’t see it and you can’t think it. Let’s put it simply. You can’t see it and you can’t think it: Now, how will you struggle? Because your struggle is about these things. Like he was saying, his struggle is about having an experience of It. And I’ve said: You can’t have a concept of It or a perceptual experience of It. Now what is left?

Like all of You said ‘But, I Am It.’

Are there two of You then?

If You are It, then is there another one?

Then it would not be ‘A-dvaita’ (not two).

Actually, all of us See intuitively that there is just one of Me; there is just One ‘I’. It’s not like ‘There’s one me, there’s another me…’ These are just ideas we can have about ourself, that ‘I’m this way, I am that way.’ But when we really look, it becomes very straightforward. We See ‘Okay, that dancing is me, and this dancing is me; and what witnesses both of these? Is that not primary?’

Now, you’ll See that all your judgments, all your grievances, all your struggles come from this sort of self-definition. Self-definition means ego-definition; when you define yourself as something, as a limited entity.

[Silence]

[Looks at sangha]: But?

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The ‘but’ comes from this impulse to define. ‘But how is it? But when will I…?’ You know; something.

Now, can you leave yourself undefined?

[Silence]

Even beyond the definition of ‘All There Is’ …, beyond ‘All’ and ‘there’ … is IS.

The thing is that we take these things very much for granted and move onto the next sort of idea. Like we take this Existence for granted. If we didn’t take it for granted we’d just be in wonder of it. Like ‘I exist …’ [Looks around with awe] You don’t have to say these things but I feel like ‘What a wonder, what a miracle. [Saying in awe] I exist! What is this Existence? What IS this existence?’

Now the thing that’s happened is that this is taken for granted. The most wonderful, joyful part of it is taken for granted. It’s like ‘Yeah, yeah, I exist as somebody. Now, tell me about that somebody and what I can do to help that one.’ We quickly put that ‘somebody’ into the picture. It’s never there, actually. It is just pure Existence.

This is the innocence of a child. They are not so quick to presume the existence of a ‘somebody’.

That why I say about all these ‘why’ questions, first can anyone say why I exist? [Looking around the room] Why I exist? Before you can say anything about anything else (‘Why does this happen in existence? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why is my life like this? Why do I behave like this?) first, fundamentally, You have to exist for any of that to happen. So, why do you exist? Or who is it that exists?

So, don’t be so quick to put on the mask of somebody-ness. ‘I exist as somebody; now tell me about that somebody.’ You see, like that. Take off the mask.

You Exist. You Are.

What is That?

And if you say ‘But I have moments where I see that I don’t exist’ then That which notices your non-existence: what is the Existence of That? That which notices your non-existence, your non- being: what is That?

This is fundamental …, but it’s not mental!

[Laughs. Looks a laughing sangha member and says ‘She has a good sense of humor.’]

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Can You Leave Yourself Un-defined?

Can you leave yourself un-molested, un-defined? When you define yourself in a certain way, it is like you are molesting your Being, in a way. [Smiles] Not in reality. You see, you are troubling yourself in way. Let us put it simply. Or do you have to think about it? ‘Can I leave myself un- defined?’ [Smiles]

Remember that you have to know something to struggle. If you don’t know anything at all, there is no struggle. But even greater is what I’ve told you today is that: When you don’t know, then your true Knowingness is apparent.

I said it is like a reverse classroom. I have seen a quote yesterday (was it Saint Francis of Assisi?) where he said ‘Self-forgetting the Truth’ …, something like that. So, coming to Satsang is like a big forgetting. If you come here with a bag of collectables and you want further collectables to be put in the bag, that is not Truth. Come and leave your bag. [Smiles] Everything that you have collected, it is gone actually. You had left it, now you want to go out with it. [Smiles] Will you pick it up again and go back with it? [Smiles] That is the game.

Q:“For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.” [St. Francis quote]

Q:“It is by self-forgetting that one finds.” Beautiful. Most unique. “It is by self-forgetting that one finds.” What were we taught? That the more you know, the more you will find. If you do not define yourself, it is completely apparent.

What is Here Now, without definition? Even when the question comes, don’t jump to a conceptual answer. What is Here Now? I know that our habit is to go to the mind and say ‘Okay, what is here? Something.’ So, don’t rush to pick up what the mind is offering as the answer. You just have to check; to have you own insight about it.

Like, to put it simply, if I tell you the subtitles in this movie are all wrong. [Sangha chuckles] It happens sometimes, you know? You download an international movie and you get the wrong subtitles. And you are watching it for sometime, and you feel like ‘But this is not matching.’ [Chuckles] This has happened. A French movie or an Iranian, Persian movie I was just watching it and you have to watch these with subtitles, and after five minutes, you discover ‘No, these guys are talking about some lunch and these guys are at war. What is happening?’ [Smiles] It is not matching. So, if I tell you that sub-tilter in this movie is all wrong …, but you can see for yourself What Is, then at least we go beyond this narrative. And the thing is that you will not just see the objects; you will also naturally be aware of that which perceives objects. This is my promise to you, that as you leave yourself empty of this sub-titler, empty of these subtitles, you are not just aware of objects that are perceived but you are completely aware of That which perceives them.

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What Is the Idea of Freedom?

[Reading from the chat]: “Father, there is some expectation that I would know un-doubt-ably somehow or have some sort of certainty but not sure how; if it would be a thing seen or what?”

Now, this is good because we can really inquire in to this. Is there anything that we know that we know undoubtedly?

See, this can be a feeling that ‘If I know this Self, then I will know this with full certainty.’ But what is that we know with full certainty?

[Someone from Sanga says]: Things always pass. This too shall pass.

‘This too shall pass.’ But it is a nice, very helpful, sort of reassuring thing. Do we know with certainty, certainty? [Chuckles] It is a belief. Belief itself implies that ‘I believe it.’ So, maybe it is the end of the phenomenal world. [Chuckles] This will not pass.

There is noting that we really know undoubtedly. Everything fundamentally can be doubted (as we know here). So, as we let go of this ‘sort of’ knowing, then we come to a Knowing which is undoubtable. Undoubtable and yet inexpressible. The Knowing with a capital ‘K.’

[Someone from Sanga says]: Without words.

‘Without words.’ Yeah. So, what you have to do, in a sense, is define your search. What is it that the end of the search should mean? And see whether it is still talking about some phenomenal movement or some conceptual understanding. I invite you to look into a deeper, into a truer Knowing, which is not waiting for anything to happen.

Or is freedom still going to be an idea of how the body should be? Like if I start asking you ‘What is your definition of your freedom?’ are you still going to say ‘Ah, I should just be able to dance!’ [Smiles] Is it still about the coconut? Or is it about a deeper insight you have about yourself?

Because this you cannot predict; how the coconut will dance on the surface, we cannot predict because every expression of every Sage is different. Ashtavakra went as far as to say that ‘Every Sage is constantly in contradiction with one another.’ [Chuckles] So, you cannot choose. There is one very angry Sage, there is one very happy Sage, there is a silent Sage, a Sage who talks, talks and talks. So, there is no such definition. It is still going to be about the coconut. Are you still defining your idea of freedom in coconut terms? Or have you become more spacious? You allow this coconut to move as it wants but You See that within You all these movements can happen and it does not affect You. You do not have a certain outcome. You are not defining. That is freedom; which allows all things to come.

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Can You Stop Being?

Q:Father, this feeling of ‘I Exist’ …, it’s also, in a way, it’s like …, if we look, there is a visual image in front, there is some sensation and there is a kind of an energy of thought (there is a kind of a ghost thought) which is ‘I Exist’ but is it also a thought?

A:Okay, let’s look. There is a visual, there is some sensation and there is a thought like ‘I Exist’.

What perceives all these? The visual and the sensation and the thought: what perceives them? Because the visual comes and goes (every visual comes and goes) sensation comes and goes and thought comes and goes. That which is perceiving them or That which is the Existence which allows the space for visuals to happen, for sensations to come and thoughts to come and go, is That dependent on any of these?

Q: No.

A: Exactly. So, that is Your Being.

Q:Probably I’m not able to put it across properly. It’s like the moment I say ‘I Exist’ there is an in-built separation in that it could be just an appearance and that ‘I’ also is an appearance in that. I don’t know whether I have…

A:It’s good, it’s good. We can look like this. If it is an appearance, it must appear and disappear.

Is that what you mean? Like an appearance means that it appears and it disappears.

Q:It’s like, in some way it’s observed as Presence and something feels its Presence. But when its Presence is felt, it looks personal. I don’t know if I am making sense or not.

A:See ‘personal’ is another set of things, which is beyond this visual, beyond thought, beyond sensation. It is when the thought is bought; not just the appearance of these things. So, personal we can keep aside. Just in itself, when I say ‘Can you stop Being?’ is it dependent on some visual being there; some sensation being there; some thought being there?

Q: No.

A:So, that is the Being …, which is so empty of all of these qualities and yet It is present. It is just Presence …, (like what you were saying: ‘But not like a colored Presence, not a spatial Presence, not a sensational Presence).

So, stay with this question then: ‘Can you stop Being?’

And you will See that all these other appearances will come and go but this Being is like a beautiful substratum …, (but don’t try to visualize it based on what I am saying).

Just ‘Can you stop Being?’

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I See this Existence is Here, which is empty of qualities. And the closest thing you can come to say about It is that It is Presence; It is present …, but it is not definable; it is not visualize-able. It Itself is perceiving the visual. All perception belongs to Your Being.

So, then what perceives the Being? You can use this question: What perceives your Being?

Or you can say:

If this is sensation, then: What witnesses this sensation?

What perceives this sensation?

If it is thought, then: What witnesses this thought?’

Like if you say ‘I woke up at 7:00 a.m. this morning’ you are not talking about the appearance of that visual or sensation or thought. Isn’t it? It’s something more primal which became the basis for all these things to come; either visually or sensationally or mentally. So, Your Being is not quantifiable in any way; it is not an appearance or disappearance in that way.

And yet, ultimately for Your Self, you can say that ‘even this [Being] comes and goes’ …, (but we don’t have to rush to that conclusion. Just this exploration is very good.)

So, what can’t you stop when I say ‘Can you stop Being?’

Q: Experiencing.

A:Experiencing. But suppose, one-by-one, all your senses stopped; like sight stopped, hearing stopped, taste stopped (one-by-one, all of these) …, will you still be there or not?

Q:If there is a primal knowing, then I would say ‘Yes’ …, if all this sensation is there in the primal knowing. Suppose this body died or I am born; I don’t know whether I existed.

A:Yeah, but now we have gotten into the realm of inferring. So, right now I am saying if your sight went, hearing went, is there a sense that something would remain independent of these experiences?

Q: Yes.

A: ‘Yes.’ Now, are any of these things visual or sensations or thoughts?

Q: No.

A: ‘No.’ So, this is the Presence.

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No Concept Can Capture the Truth

If I said to all of you that ‘I am taking you to Paris…’ [Smiles] If I said to all of you: ‘There is a surprise for you. I am taking you to Paris. Come, come, get ready. The bus to the Airport leaves in two minutes…’ [Smiles]

[Someone in sangha says]: ‘I have my passport right here.’

Ah, you have your passport ready, yes.

And then I go out for a minute and I get you these photocopies of the Eiffel tower, the Arc de Triomphe, the Champs-Élysées; all these photocopy versions. Now, you can see this is Paris. You will say ‘Ananta, what kind of nonsense is this? You got us so excited and all that we have are these photocopies.’

But this is how most of us are living our life, in the photocopy version. What is the photocopy version? Your ideas of what life is. A photocopy version is very tame. It’s lame, like my kids would say. [Smiles] Your stories, our stories, are very tame compared to Reality.

Our concepts do not capture a tiny bit of the light of this Reality and yet somehow, we’ve misunderstood spirituality, where it can feel like ‘Once I know the highest concept, then this is the Truth.’ But it is not that.

So, the things that we feel the most right about, we feel that we really know this, is just you staring at a photocopy trying very hard to make it feel real. Because nothing that you know mentally or conceptually is true. The Truth actually is so beyond our concepts that no concept captures it.

And we come to openness because we admit to ourselves that ‘I don’t know what is true. I don’t know what is right, what is wrong, what is true, what is false, what is yesterday, what is tomorrow, even what is up, what is down.’ You just don’t know. And from this opening of ‘not knowing’ you discover a deeper Knowing which has actually always been Here.

So, what is the end of that story? Actually, you are already in Paris. You wanted to go to Paris and then you got disappointed with the photocopies of the Paris. Because you wanted it as an experience, or at least you wanted it as an experience of some concept, but it was not that. It was what already Is.

We can speak about ‘Is-ness’ as if it is something that we have to get to. [Smiles] That is not why Guruji [Sri Mooji] would have come up with the term [Is-ness] if it became like something that all of us have to get to (I have to get to my ‘Is-ness’).

What already Is?

Can we clarify that?

And clarify it not as an idea. Don’t add on to Is-ness. It needs no support. ‘Oh, Is-ness is like this, Is-ness is like that’ or ‘What Is like this, what IS that like that.’

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This is what Guruji sometimes says: ‘I make some chocolate cake for you but you mix mud in it, thinking that you are helping.’ [Chuckles

So, can you meet the truth which IS, empty of your ideas of what it should be; empty of your notions of what you are even finding?

Un-interpreted, un-labeled ‘Is.’

It is this Self.

It can be discovered only through an inner insight. If you want, you can call it ‘Intuitive Insight.’ It is this Self which can be found just [only] Now …, found in the sense that you discover that it was never lost. Just in the same way that you would find that you never actually took off your spectacles. [Smiles] You never actually find them; you just recognize that they were always there.

So, the Self is always Here. Throw away your photocopies.

Satsang is that ‘rehab’ where you come to get rid of this habit to conceptualize.

To the mind, this can be very unsatisfactory because it can feel like ‘But I was waiting for some fireworks or at least some greater concept. I was waiting to come to a point where all my thoughts only become ‘Aaham Brahamsmi: I am that absolute Brahman.’ But it is not that.

It is much more magnificent than that.

Because it is much more true.

It is much more innocent.

It is much more Here.

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One Moment of Notionless Existence

Now, let’s look at one of the mind reports that gets us. When I say ‘Meet this moment’ or ‘Meet Now’ or ‘Meet YourSelf empty of any notion about YourSelf’ your mind will obviously come and say ‘Well, nothing happened.’ And I am saying that the complete Truth (the Absolute Truth) is completely apparent to You in that one moment of Your Notionless Existence.

There is a big contradiction there. I am saying that the Absolute Truth is completely apparent to You in one moment of Notionless Existence. And your mind is saying ‘Nothing happened.’

[Chuckles and holds Arms Wide] It’s a big quantum leap, isn’t it?

So, what is True?

Is it not clear that You Exist?

And You are Aware of Your Existence?

Is the ‘Isness’ in any doubt when you’re empty of any concept about YourSelf?

[Silence]

You seem to escape Your Divinity when you buy into this mental idea that ‘Nothing happened.’ And it’s very easy to come to an Advaita Satsang and say things like ‘I am aware of my Existence.’ [Chuckles] But do you realize what you are talking about? This Existence, according to all the Sages (according to the Upanishads and Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi) said ‘It is this Existence which gives light to the sun.’ [Silence] But, how we trivialize that ‘I am aware of my Existence.’

Whose Existence is this?

Is this a personal Existence?

I propose to you that this is the Existence of the only Divine Being there Is. Everything is just a manifestation of This.

What a difficult job the mind has. What a difficult job it has and how well it seems to have done it …, to convince this Divinity ItSelf (or at least to have played this game of convincing this Divinity ItSelf) that It is personal. Because all of you are aware of Your Existence; you just believe that a person exists. [Chuckles]

There’s nobody who I’ve ever asked ‘Can You stop Being? Can You not exist?’ who has said ‘Yes, I did it.’

This Being … [Silence] … is the Divine.

Your Being (Your very Existence) is the Existence of Consciousness.

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And it is clear to you in this moment …, (if in this moment you’re not picking up a mask about YourSelf; if you’re not interpreting YourSelf as ‘something’).

[Silence]

Everything you put after this ‘I Am’ (every ‘thing’ you put after this ‘I Am’) is just a mask. It’s a facade.

[Silence]

Which offer will you buy from the mind? [Chuckles] ‘I am free’? ‘I am free’ is a facade. ‘I am still not free’ is a facade. ‘I am almost there’ is a facade because it says nothing about the ‘I Am.’

It’s just a made-up idea.

This ‘I Am’ which is beyond any limits; hundreds of times we have checked this. We saw that all these sensations which I call the body do not contain ‘I Am.’ It is ‘I Am’ which is the screen of all these sensations. We have checked this over and over.

If something defines your boundary, don’t you also have to see the other side? How can you decide that something is my boundary? Because both sides of the boundary are visible to You. Therefore, actually, the screen is present. Your Being is present everywhere. [Chuckles] (Actually, I’m laughing because It is everywhere which is present on Your screen.) But when we make a boundary and define it and say ‘This is me’ … it is a pure fraud; fooling YourSelf to play this game of individuality.

This ‘I Am’ is without limits, without boundaries. And it is clear to You actually. You’re just to addicted to believing the photocopy version of YourSelf which says ‘I was born here. Then this is where I lived. These are the relationships I’ve had. These are the degrees I got. This is my current life. This is what I want my future to be.’ These are nothing but ideas. It has nothing to do with what actually happened or what actually IS.

Leave Your Being un-harassed by your concepts: That is Satsang. So, this sense, this Existence …, you feel like you could be adding things to It with what you know, what you think. But how will you add something to God? And this ‘You’ that is doing it (by the way) is also the same God; Consciousness. [Chuckles] That’s why Guruji [Sri Mooji] says ‘This is rehab for God, which is run by God ItSelf.’

What can you say after ‘I Am’ which adds something to the ‘I Am’? Or what can you believe is True about You? It’s only a story. And any time you go to your Being, it can be a Fire Ceremony. It can be a Fire Ceremony where you can burn all your stories or surrender them.

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What Story Can’t You Do Without?

What story can’t you do without? Is it your spiritual one? Your relationship one? Your money one? Your body one? Which story can’t you do without? Shine it in your own light.

This could be something that you’re looking for, something that you’re sure has happened to you; some grievance, some resentment, some guilt. It is these stories which make us stiff. And empty of these crutches, we’re just so light.

[Silence]

As long as you can identify that ‘It is this that gives me trouble; it is not the world, it is not events, it is not even feelings and emotions. There is always a story which gives me trouble.’ Because the mind is trying to distract you. It will say ‘It is because this is happening and that is happening. Look at how he is behaving, look at how she said this…’ and all of these things. But what is all this? Just a group of atoms and molecules floating around which are telling other pieces of atoms and molecules? [Chuckles] No, it can’t be. It must be that all which seems like attack, all which seems like it is a defense, must be just conceptual, just ideas.

Okay, so let’s take this through because many of you struggle with this even after many years of being in Satsang. If somebody says something mean to you, somebody says something you don’t like (‘You are a horrible person’ or something ‘You’re just terrible. I don’t know what you’re doing in the sangha; you don’t deserve to be here!’ … suppose) … what actually happened? Did those sound-waves carry some daggers in them? What actually happened? Your body is not physically hurt. So, what is it that got attacked?

And suppose you were brand new to Satsang. You don’t even know what a sangha is, and somebody comes and tells you ‘You’re just terrible. You don’t deserve to be in this sangha.’ You’re like ‘Sangha? Are you talking to me?’ [Chuckles] (You’re wondering.) You see, it doesn’t have any effect. So, it’s not in the contents of the words. It is not in the hearing of them. Then what is it in? What is the potential for suffering? Suppose you told a one-year-old child this. Nothing happened. So, what makes it different for you? What happened to that one-year-old child? And now, when this one, the presumed ‘grown up’ hears these words then it can hurt. What changed?

This is the loss of innocence that I speak about.

[Silence]

And these are the things. We hear them from the world, we hear them from the mind. Like ‘You don’t deserve a relationship. You don’t deserve to be free. You’re not worthy.’ And I’m not picking out necessarily just one end of the spectrum; the other end could also be there. ‘Oh, you are just too good! You’re just the sweetest, the best person. You should get the best relationship. You are just too, too good!’ This is the nature of the so-called ‘Self-help’ where ‘The negative aspects are not true. Let’s then use the positive to reaffirm some other stories.’ But what is beyond our stories? Because you can keep self-affirming ‘I’m too good, I’m too good, I’m too

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good’ then you go to that handsome man and he says ‘Sorry, I’m already in a relationship.’ Then what happens to ‘I’m too good?’

So, all of this is a house of cards. Just lies on top of lies and you can sugar-coat it and have the best icing on the cake but it was just made-up stuff. It will not be durable. It’s all a house of cards; the best icing…, but still, it will crumble.

So, our negative stories are not helping, our so-called positive stories are not helping; have we tried the middle?

This middle is really unattractive because the mind can’t do it. The mind can say ‘Okay, tell me to think positive, I’ll think positive. Tell me to think negative, I’ll think negative.’ It never follows that but at least it pretends to. [Chuckles] But this middle is what?

In the middle of true and false, in the middle of right and wrong, in the middle of left and right, in the middle of previous and next … what is there? In the middle of wonder and disgust, [Chuckles] what is there? In the middle of Being and not-being . . . [what is there?]

[Silence]

When you’re empty of all concepts of true and false, what are you left with?

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Don’t Know the Truth Because Knowing Messes It Up

This is the middle: neither this nor that. Even now the mind might be saying ‘Oh, this is it? This is it? This is IT?’ Complete nakedness …, not knowing what ‘this’ is because you cannot know it. [Chuckles] Guruji [Sri Mooji] said to me these words when I came on the hot seat, he said:

‘Then don’t know …, because knowing messes it up and it’s not true anyway.’

Just Be. But you don’t have to know that ‘I just have to Be.’ (He didn’t say that part; this part I am adding now.) [Laughs] ‘Don’t know because knowing messes it up.’ You should be shocked at that, that ‘knowing messes it up.’ Because it feels like in all our life what we wanted to do is know: ‘What is going on? Will I be all right? Am I becoming free? What is this?’

I heard the other day that there is a sect of Korean Zen where their practice is that you are supposed to sit in the front of a blank wall for many years and just inquire into the question ‘What is this?’ It’s very beautiful, in a way. (Okay, I am not recommending it to any of you.) I am just saying: What is the mind proposing? All the mind’s conclusion is the conclusion about what this is. It’s an answer to ‘What’s going on?’ But you can’t know. Therefore, I say that surrender actually is just not picking up any conclusion. Not even this, if possible.

Simple, no? Because what got attacked in the previous story were just our conclusions about ourself. The play of attack and defense only happens with these conclusions, these ideas.

For a moment, can you imagine yourself (even if it feels like ‘I can’t do it’ but at least can you imagine yourself) …, imagine yourself without any story.

Imagine that you are just SO fresh. You have no grievances, no resentment, no past, no idea about the future, no boundary, no body; more spacious than space, beyond all true and false, beyond all right and wrong.

Imagine, you are This.

Imagine that That is the Real world.

Here, You are neither doing nor not-doing.

You are neither wanting nor letting go.

You are empty of all of these qualities, empty of all of these notions.

Now, in your heart, ask yourself:

Is this my imagination or my Truth?

Could it be that everything that I have believed before this has been imagined? And this notion-less-ness has shown me the Truth?

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True Knowing Is Beyond the Concepts

[Reading from the chat]: “Father, this ‘I don’t know’ feels very spacious and restful and the feeling here is to hear about it again and again.”

That is good.

See the thing with ‘I don’t know’ is that there is not much to speak about it.

So, basically, what am I saying? I am saying that the Truth (with the capital ‘T’) cannot be known though the mental device, through some sort of conceptual process. The true Truth cannot be known in this way. But that Truth, when you are not in the mental process, is always Known, is automatically apparent to You when you are not conceptualizing a mental knowing.

This emptiness which is spoken about is a conceptual emptiness. When you are empty of all concepts, all knowing, mental knowing, then the Truth is apparent.

And it is true for all of you. [Smiles] Now. It is not a journey or a process. The only journey, in fact, is a journey of forgetting …, this journey of letting go of what we believe to be true and coming face to face with the naked Truth, which is always Here.

Because all that we know, even if it feels helpful initially, becomes a source of conflict, becomes a source of clinging, of suffering. It is an attempt to fill the ocean in the coconut. Because that True Knowing, True Knowingness, is so beyond anything that we can conceptualize that the attempt itself seems to be the obstacle. The attempt to know the Truth, in a sense, then becomes like the finger that blocks the moon.

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If You Don’t Know ‘What’ Then All You Know is ‘That’

The minute you pick up an idea about it, that idea can be attacked. You say ‘I am free now’ then the idea can be attacked. This freedom can be attacked because the next idea might come ‘Oh, when I leave the room; when I’m not in your Presence…’ All these ideas can come. But empty of this notion of attaching something to ‘IS’ (What IS just is) …, if you attach something to it, even the idea of freedom, then it has an opposite, bondage. Therefore, it is attack-able.

Is it making sense what I am saying? If it is conceptual, it is always attack-able because it has an opposite. So, if you claim any concept as ‘you’ then it will always be under attack because it is just a concept and every concept has an opposite.

Can you draw a claim to any concept, in your natural-ness Right Now? This is the best part! Like Guruji [Sri Mooji] would say ‘I’m not sprinkling any magic powder on you. It just IS.’

There is a bit of a struggle, which I can tell in your eyes. And this is a very primal sort of need to derive some meaning out of what we are discovering in the Now. ‘What conclusion can I make because of this?’ You know, like that. The need to conclude is very, very primal, in a sense. And this is what this de-addiction center is for. [Laughs] The need to conclude is what the addiction is about. This de-addiction center (which has a fancy name called Satsang) is to take us away from this; the need to define, need to conclude, need to get something.

So, as you’re spotting this, you notice that, just Now (although the energetic support might be available to you in Satsang) every Now is actually like this.

You have never left the Self.

But you have the power to imagine, as if you have. You have the power to believe, as if you have. Otherwise, just shining the light of true knowledge on it would not be enough. Like I say: Jnana Yoga would not work. If actually a physical process of bondage had happened and then something physically deconstructive has to happen then only we would say Hatha Yoga or some physical thing has to work. But because the rope has never become the snake (it is just an idea, a belief) then to see it truly for what it IS is enough. No push-ups are needed. No push-ups are needed if you can stay with your insight about ‘What Is.’ If you go to your inferences about ‘What Is’ and if you go to your ideas of judgments about ‘What Is’ then obviously, it might seem like there is confusion, there is conflict, there is suffering.

So, this ‘I don’t know’ means to remain empty of any idea because the idea cannot capture You. No idea can represent You. Not even the idea of Self or Awareness. These are, at best, pointers. But then these can also become labels that we hold on to egoically.

But if you ‘don’t know’ then you ‘do Know.’

You see?

If you ‘don’t know’ then you ‘do Know.’ [Chuckles]

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‘That’ …, without the ‘what.’

If you don’t know ‘what’ then you do Know ‘That.’ [Laughs and laughter in the room]

So, if you don’t know ‘what’ then you Know ‘That.’ [Laughs and laughter in the room]

But if you know ‘what’ then ‘That’ seems to get clouded.

It’s not just riddles. [Chuckles]

If you know ‘what’ then ‘That’ seems to get clouded

If you don’t know ‘what’ then all you Know is ‘That’.

If this was not true, then the Truth would not be Here and apparent.

See, the rope is the rope. It doesn’t need a judgment that it is a rope. But to think of it as a snake, to imagine it to be a snake or to infer it to be a snake, it needs a concept of ‘snake.’ Just like I keep saying [Picks up a glass of water in his hand] I don’t need to know the concept of glass or water, just like an infant does not know the concept of mother or milk to drink. So, in the same way, life is functioning. But that which we claim to know is not helping. It is just creating this idea of ego, of individuality.

So, your moments without suffering are always those moments in which you don’t know. (Unless you make a notion about the ‘don’t know’ itself and then it’s like ‘Oh! I don’t know, man!’ Don’t even know that you don’t know.)

Q: Father, it’s more of an impulse of something, to figure out something that is not real.

A:Yes. Exactly. Yes, yes. This is the impulse; this impulse that you call the ‘need to assign meaning.’ The need to assign meaning is how our mental knowing-ness represents itself. Like ‘Okay, now I had a very good Satsang. Does this mean that I am free?’ This impulse to make a conclusion, to give meaning, is this thing which we feel like will help us because then ‘At least then can I confirm now whether I am free or not?’ or ‘Freedom is always here? Or not?’ You know, something. And we see that this can shake a bit. But if you can just leave it shaking and not feed the addiction withdrawal symptoms, [Chuckles] not feed the addiction, it will not seem like withdrawal symptoms after a while.

Q:And even this impulse to know something is always like a ghost; like an adventure of a ghost.

And in my experience, in any situation present, there is something related to this false ‘me’ and there is a natural impulse to look for these parameters.

A:Exactly. I like what he said very much. It’s like the advisor to the ‘ghost-me.’ [Chuckles] This kind of meaning, of finding meaning from the mind, is like the mind is an advisor to this ‘ghost- me’ …, which is never true. That’s why I call the mind what? Unsolicited advice on how to suffer. [Laughs] If you want unsolicited advice on how to suffer, it’s always available. [Laughter in the room] Free of charge. The charge itself is suffering.

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That’s why we never need to actually confront someone with saying ‘You’re being so mind-y, you’re going to suffer from it.’ Because being mind-y is suffering enough. You never need to add any additional punishment to anyone who is being mind-y. To be mind-y itself in that moment is hell. Why would you want any more punishment on top of hell? You see? Isn’t it? So, we must not get into this Advaita thing that ‘Oh! I’m being so empty of mind, but you are being very mind-y’ because they are suffering already. They’re in hell. You don’t want to keep reminding them or wish any ill on them if somebody is being very mental. They’re already suffering from hell.

So, the attitude which is most recommended (if there is such a thing) is to have compassion for them. To have compassion for them. It’s almost like, what did the Buddha say about anger? (Any Buddhists here?) [Chuckles] You’re punished not for your anger but by the anger itself. (I’m paraphrasing.)

So, picking up a notion is punishment in itself. It doesn’t have to lead to … [something like punishment]. It can feel like ‘Oh, it will lead to…’

We also say in Satsang that inevitably the ‘me’ is going to be followed by an ‘ow.’ But the ‘me’ itself is suffering enough, actually.

Q: It says ‘You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.’

A: By your anger itself.

Q:And then there is another one that he says. ‘Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.’

A: [Laughs] This is a nice one. Thank you.

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The Idea of ‘Me’ Is Miserable

If to ‘Be’ you needed a concept, then of course it would be different. [Chuckles] If your Existence was dependent on what you were thinking, then it would be different. Then I would say ‘Okay, of course, let’s find the best thoughts and create a temple to them.’ [Smiles] But what is your actual experience? Your Being is Here Now and the mind tries to catch up with You. This is always like this: Your Being is here first [Chuckles] and the mind tries to catch up with You. And when you identify yourself with the mind that is why it seems like you will struggle because this mind never catches up. [Chuckles] You are Here Now. ‘Now, mind can come; now, mind can come’ but You have already gone. So, it is struggling to keep up with You. But when you identify as if You are that, then it seems like you are struggling.

So, when my Master said ‘The knowing messes it up and it’s never true anyway; just Be’ this is what he meant. What do you need to know to Exist? If you forgot everything, would you also go? And I am not even talking about the body. Would your Existence collapse if you forgot every concept? Or is your experience exactly contrary to that …, which is, if you are empty of concepts, you are in a space of wonder?

That’s what happens when you see a mountain or a sculpture or hear a beautiful piece of music; in that moment you are empty of conceptualizing and that moment is so full of wonder. Why do you think we go to these tourist attractions? It is not to meet a concept of something. It is to get that taste of that moment when you are empty of any concept. Otherwise, what’s the point of a big mountain? What’s the big deal? If you give it to your mind, what is it? It is just matter, stones, lime stones, some other stones; all these stones together. [Chuckles] What’s the big deal about it? It’s just when you come across it as something new and in that moment your mind does not have an idea of it or a notion of it; but for those who live around a mountain, it is not a big deal. Even if it is the highest mount mountain; Everest. To the people in Nepal who are living around it, it is just a mountain.

So, this notionless Existence…, is it even possible? Or it’s just another notion itself? Is it a utopian ideal; impossible to achieve but okay to talk about? [Chuckles] Is that your experience? All of us, at some point or the other, every day experience ourselves in this way, empty of any concept about ourselves. And nobody ever comes with a report saying ‘I suffered in that moment.’ Has anybody ever come to you complaining that ‘I was empty of concepts and that was really bad; I don’t want to suffer in that way’? No. [Chuckles] You’re always complaining about the times in which you had a notion about something. It might seem like ‘I’m complaining about my relationship and my friendship and my money’ (whatever) but actually we are complaining about what we believe. It’s never about a ‘thing’. It is always about a belief, a notion. Why? Because at the root of all of these notions is what? Is an idea of ‘me.’ [Chuckles] At the root of these notion is the idea of ‘me.’

And this idea in itself is miserable. [Chuckles] The idea in itself is miserable. In fact, it is the only misery …, the idea of ‘me.’ And you cannot pick it up in your pure perception. What do we mean by pure perception? Un-contaminated by any idea of what you are perceiving.

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That’s why I have started these days asking everyone to look around without labels. As you look around without labels, you will see that you cannot find a ‘me’ and an ‘other’ there. Initially, it might feel a bit strange because you might feel like ‘Oh, I am so used to labeling.’ So, let the labels come. I am just saying don’t buy into them. You will find that as you are in this pure perception, empty of conceptual labels, you will find that it’s impossible to have this notion of ‘me’ or ‘mine’ …, impossible to have a notion of wanting something or being averse to something; impossible to have an idea of separation.

This is extremely good news! [Chuckles] This is extremely good news because otherwise you might feel like ‘I have to fix something in my life’ or you might feel like ‘I might have to fix something in my body’ or ‘I have to fix something in my energies.’ None of this you have to do. And in fact, you cannot do; you don’t have the tools for it. [Chuckles] To meet God, you don’t have to go anywhere. To meet God, we don’t have to go anywhere. What better news is there in the world? [Chuckles] If to meet God you don’t have to go anywhere, can there be any better news? [Chuckles]

Or this has to be a lie. One of the two things, no? Either God is Here …, or God is a lie. Both cannot be true. It cannot be that ‘God Is’ but ‘God is not Here’ because then what kind of God would that be? The God which comes and goes is not a worthy God. [Chuckles]

So then, there must be a misunderstanding about ‘What Is?’ So, ‘What Is?’ There must be a misunderstanding about that. Because everything, all the Sages are saying, all the scriptures are saying that ‘What Is’ is God, is Being, is Self.

But what are we believing? What are we believing? What Is?

There must be a belief in our personal existence, in a personal identity. This is what Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] meant when he said: ‘I Am’ … playing as ‘I am something’ … is the notion of this individualized Consciousness or separate Consciousness. And this ‘something’ is always an idea. It is never even an appearance; not ever a thing or an event It is always an idea.

So, to meet God all you have to do is not have an idea. Don’t have any idea, which is what I mean by ‘Don’t know.’ And it occurs to me that I just said that there not much to say about ‘Don’t know.’ [Chuckles]

So, fundamentally, wherever we might wander or in whichever way we may look (whether we look in terms of Self-inquiry, whether we look in terms of surrender or we look in terms of any spiritual practice) we are coming to this point of leaving this ‘I Am’ as ‘I Am’ …, un-attached, un-defined to any idea which is ‘something.’ Not ‘I am something.’ Just ‘I Am.’

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Surrender the Surrender-er

[Reading from the chat]: “Father, there seems to be a drive of some sort behind this ‘me.’ Like this one is the main character and something is willing it or driving it. Yet there is no ‘me’ which is central. All is being driven by this power or will. It’s just coming in this way now. Anything in this? Or just another spiritual concept?”

You see, many have explored this. What is this? What is this primal will; the drive to know, the drive to give meaning? Many have called it ‘the will to power’ because some have said it’s all about trying to exert some sort of individualistic power on life; a will to own, a will to power, a will to project. All of these things have been looked at.

Now, the best news is that the ‘me’ is basically a concept or a collection of concepts. And you can never start a moment with a concept. Many of us are looking for shortcuts and this is the shortest cut possible. It’s like if you ask somebody on the road ‘What is the shortest way to get to MG road?’ And they say ‘You are already on MG road.’ And you say ‘But is there a shorter way?’ That would be silly, no? Isn’t it?

So, you want the shortest way to Truth, and I’m saying, ‘You are the Truth’ and you say ‘Is there a better way?’ (I’m not saying you are asking that; I’m saying generally.) [Chuckling]

This is the shortest, because we want the quickest, fastest way to freedom. But I’m saying: You Are Free. Can we have a quicker way? Like Laura was saying yesterday ‘But is there any place that can give me that?’

But You Are That!

There is no way to give it to you because You Are That.

Now it is possible that you are on MG road but you believe that you are some other place; on Palace road or something. It’s possible. Consciousness has given Itself this power to delude Itself, in a way. So, Satsang is just the coming to the end of this Consciousness deluding Itself.

Now, if you feel that ‘I’m not there yet’ or ‘I’m not That’ then what must ‘That’ look like or ‘there’ be? Because to even say ‘I’m not there yet’ or ‘I’m not That’ we must have an idea of what ‘there’ or ‘That’ is. And what if all of those are false? Like this idea of ‘uncontainable bliss!’

Q:I have the idea that I won’t connect to my body.’

A:Or the idea that ‘I won’t connect to my body.’ What is it? Like the body should just be floating? But it is.

Q: Yeah, and it is, actually.

A:You got it? [Laughter in the room] How are you connected to your body? Okay, let’s deconstruct this. Which is the connection point between you and the body?

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Q:It’s just a thought.

A:It’s just a thought, therefore not real. What is your real connection point with the body?

Q:I don’t know.

A:That we don’t know whether we are connected or unconnected is much better than the feeling that ‘I am connected and I want to be disconnected.’ You know what I’m saying? I’m saying: to not know whether there is connection or not is much better than having a presumed idea that ‘I must be connected in my body and I must leave that’ or something like that. Isn’t it? So, this ‘I don’t know’ is already very good.

So what else would define Freedom? [Silence] Like if you were to ‘get it’ then what would that be like? What would be the evidence?

You can’t say ‘I have to be able to speak a certain way’ because all the Masters speak differently (and different stuff also). So, there’s no consistency in the pointing also. Then what could be the other criteria?

Q2: This ‘me’ should vanish.

A:This ‘me’ should vanish, okay. So, One! Two! Three! … vanished! [Makes a gesture of chopping]

Am I lying? [Chuckling] I’m not lying. It vanished. So, then? [Silence] [Looking at sangha]

Q2: I don’t know. [Laughter in the room] It’s like when you hear Guruji’s [Sri Mooji’s] story that suddenly the sense of identity [is gone] …

A:But have you heard the exact same story form ten others? Q2: No.

A:So, everyone will have their unique way or unique expression of Consciousness.

Q2: It’s like when you bring us to that point of just Being, just the Is-ness (like now, five ten minutes ago) then it just felt like ‘I’ve always been this.’

A:And without that conclusion? Without that conclusion, is there a ‘me’ that is bringing you to something?

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Q2: So, so it feels like I’ve always been this so this can’t be IT.

A:See, this is where you get into conclusions. Q2: Yes.

A:You’re having the insight into something which is ‘in-conclusion-able’. Q2: Un- conclusion- able.

A:Un- conclusion-able. [Chuckles] Okay, un-conclusion-able. [Laughter in the room] That’s what you’re tasting.

Then leave the conclusion about it. Then it cannot be attacked, you see?

The thing is that we want to gather the photocopy. These days what happens is you go to Paris, (like last year we went) or you go anywhere and the thing is that everywhere you go, you hear ‘Take a photo, man. Take a photo.’ Wherever you go. ‘Take a photo.’ So, you got used to collecting the photo instead of enjoying ‘What Is.’ So, when we have an insight of the Truth which is always Here Now, you want to capture it as a photocopy. Like ‘What does this mean? This means that He brought me to the Truth or this means that I’ve always been This.’ But this is not true. It’s neither true nor not-true. It’s just nothing! It’s just like air.

Q2: The statement?

A:The conclusion, yes. [Silence] No conclusion you can make about YourSelf, including ‘I have always been This’ is true.

Q2: No, it’s because you said ‘What is it that you expect to happen for you to believe that you already are the Truth?’

A:Yes, okay. So, say again? You said that this ‘me’ should go away. I said: ‘One! Two! Three!

… Gone!’ Then you said what?

Q2: Then I said about Guruji and you said ‘Not everybody will have that same experience.’

A:Yes, in the outward play it will not happen to everybody that the Master says ‘One! Two! Three! … Gone!’ and it goes. Another one will be shouted at, another one will be molly-coddled; all different ways. This is just the outward play of the story.

Q2: As I was saying, when we stay as In-ness…

A:Okay, who can stay as Is-ness? Let’s deconstruct everything.

Q2: There’s no ‘me’ who is going to stay…

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A:Exactly, then? Leave Is-ness. The only thing you can do is put on masks. Q2: Make a story about.

A:Make a story about. At best, the only thing you can do is make stories. It’s got you a lot of fun, making stories? [Laughing] That’s why Consciousness must be doing it. Is it done with it? Or no?

Q2: Can I surrender?

A:That’s also a story

Q2: Can I surrender the story, the need for story?

A:Surrender the surrendering of the story. Q2: Okay, surrender the surrendering…

A:Because you’ve surrendered the story a few times now. Q2: Many times.

A:‘Surrender the surrender-er’ as Guruji would say.

Okay, your surrender is for ten minutes? Ten hours? Ten days? Ten years? Ten lifetimes? Your feeling is that it is what? Forever? Or no?

Q2: The feeling is …

A: What is the intent you carry in your heart when you say ‘I surrender’?

Is it like ‘I surrender, boom! [Puts his hands up in the air] That’s it, man!’ Or is it like ‘I surrender but, you know…, you never know…’

Q2: It’s a bit like that. But I want to surrender the surrender-er

A:Like ‘ka boom!’ It’s blown to bits; the surrender-er. [Silence]

It can seem like a self-destruct button but it is only ego-destruct.

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Reincarnation

Q: Father, can you speak a little bit about reincarnation?

A:Usually I speak very little about these things. Because they are fine in their own way but when we come to really this recognition of Reality then who is here to reincarnate?

Is my next reincarnation the dream that I will have tonight?

Yes. You see?

But am I reincarnating just as the one body/mind character in that, who seems central in the story?

Or am I incarnating as the entire dream?

I am reincarnating as my entire dream, isn’t it?

Because all of us will admit (at least about the dream state) that the entire dream is within us; just a projection of our Being.

So, I have to say, at some level (although I know the question might not have been meant in that way) I have to say that this entire world is my incarnation. This Existence with all of this is my incarnation. So, the One who is nodding her head like a few miles away is also Me in the space of my Being, the One that is moving these long-limbed fingers [pointing to His own fingers] is also Me. So, the speaking of this, the hearing of this, the ‘all of this’ is within my Being.

So, unless I make a boundary within this incarnation and say that ‘I have incarnated as only this’ (which itself seems flawed to me) …

I can say ‘Okay, this one seems to have some centrality in this movie’ because everything seems to have this visual perspective (or something like that). Without giving it this centrality, our notion of reincarnation changes.

So, what is incarnating?

I wake up this morning, the waking state is here, within which an entire Universe seems to play. I am only perceiving what is my current experience but this perception has unlimited potential. So, every morning a Universe incarnates within MySelf, within My Being, and every night it seems to go, to dissolve into MySelf.

And also, if I were to say karma a bit differently, I would say that everything seems to merge back into some sort of a neutrality. So, there is this seeming-play of opposites in this world of duality which appears but it all seems to neutralize into the nothing-ness. The seeming-path it takes to play as that something-ness and nothing-ness is like karma, in a sense. I know the

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traditional definition is ‘What goes around, comes around’ or What you do is what you will have to experience’ (and all these kind of things) …, but for all of that, I need an identity.

So, to put it very simply, karma operates when I have an idea of individuality. Karma operates when I have an idea of individuality. And for you, I don’t want to show you that. For somebody who might come deeply ingrained in the notion of individuality and it might seem like it is too soon to share something like that and they say ‘Father, should I do good things or bad things?’ I would say ‘Do good because then good would come to you.’ But the reference point (when I am referring to that) is different than what I am speaking to you about now in Satsang.

So, when people have examined this over centuries and centuries (that what goes around does seem to come around) when we identify as ‘someone’ then it has been quantified almost, in the sense that you will face the fruits of what you sow. But all of this needs for there to be the notion that ‘I am something’ (individualized Consciousness). But once that is taken away…

Why is it said that ‘To come to the Truth is the end of all your karma’? It does not mean that ‘Oh, the body will not experience now certain things’ or something like that. It only means that because the sense of individual doership is gone, then also the sense of individual experiencer- ship is gone. Then what difference does it make if somebody was rude to me now? Then I am the One actually being rude to MySelf. And for that One to face the consequences of bad behavior, how does it help Me? So, a part of Me is bad to another part of Me.

Karma exists as long as there is a sense of individual Existence. Put simply, karma operates when we put a boundary to ourselves and ‘make’ another. And this play of ‘me and another’ seems to operate in some symmetrical sort of way; that this ‘me and another’ may go around and around again, but it’s just a dancing in this dance. Say that I do something bad …, so then I experience something bad …, and suppose everything got cancelled out [in that way]? Then what is the source of the next action or what is the source of the first action?

I am taking you beyond these conceptual notions. And they were nice; I have nothing against these concepts. They were nice but I’m just trying to show you that you are beyond that now. They are nice in the sense that they provide some conceptual balm to when we are going through something; then if Buddhist comes and tells you ‘Oh, you’re going through all of this? Don’t worry. In the going through this you are burning all the bad stuff you have ever done, so it is actually good.’ So, you feel a bit better about yourself. At that level, it’s helpful many times.

But ultimately, what is being pointed to is (at best, you can say): The Universe which manifests in Your Being seems to have some rules for the fun.

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If Truth Has Always Been, It Must Be Here Now

What is it? Maybe we can use this time today to really look:

What is Here?

Who Am I?

If everything that has come into our lives goes; if everything that has come goes, then what would remain? Because I can tell you that everything that has come will go. So, coming and going is the nature of the world.

What never came?

What has always been?

How long will we keep something that we think we want?

I have been calling this body a temporary lease. [Chuckles] How long will this stay? Even this Ananta; just a few years, no? [Chuckles] But Ananta is also someone who came therefore, he will also go.

What are you left with?

All forms (ALL forms) will leave. That is the nature of this play.

Is it possible for you to explore this and see whether you truly want something that does not come or go? Do you believe that idea of ‘it still has to come’? [Smiles] That’s why my pointing has been to always to check on that which has always been.

Is this a futile search?

Is this a utopian idea which is accessible only for the rare one?

Why must it be that way?

If something has always been, it must be Here Now.

So, what’s the difficulty then?

This much we can agree on?

If something has always been, it must be Here Now.

That is agreed? [Smiles]

So then, what is the difficulty?

I also clarified that it is not to be found the way other things are found. Like you can find a location by going somewhere, you can find an object or you can even find some emotion. You might say ‘I met this one and I found love. I met another one and I found anger.’ [Chuckles] But the clues are all there. Whatever else might come and go, there is an ‘I’ which remains.

Now this ‘I’ is super-confusing. [Chuckles] It is super-confusing because we have used it a certain way. And we have invested so much in using it a certain way. And in some sense what is

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happening in Satsang is completely destructive to this ‘I’. Because everything we have invested in this ‘I’ is coming to zero. Let’s make no mistake about that.

There is nothing you can carry which you think you own if it is truly in your heart that you want freedom; not a single blade of grass you can put in your backpack. You have to be completely empty, completely open, completely naked.

This is more than airport security where you might feel like ‘If I can hide something, I can take it through.’ [Chuckles] This detector detects all your investments that you are not willing to give up on. It will keep beeping every time you cross. [Chuckles] And we all know how frustrating it is to go back to the metal detector at the airport wondering ‘But I don’t have anything’ yet some coin comes out from somewhere. [Chuckles] This is what is frustrating you as you go around and around on this detector. But all you have to do is really get empty. Not even ‘get empty’ …, just don’t pick up a notion about yourself; don’t pick up any idea. It is not as tough as it sounds. [Chuckles]

One thing consistently I have been saying for five years is this that ‘It is not as tough as the mind itself makes you believe.’ Nothing can actually force You; nothing can force Consciousness to pretend.

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Receive with Simplicity Everything That Life Gives You

What is the idea the you’re not willing to demolish; not willing to throw away? You will not be able to sneak this one through. That’s why I use the example of trying to board an airplane with one foot on the ground. It doesn’t feel like fun. It doesn’t sound like fun, does it? But this is what some of you are doing to yourself. [Silence] And maybe there is something for me to learn in this as well because I have always been a bit derisive about ‘Step one, step two, step three, step four’

…, you know, take the steps and then climb onto the airplane. Maybe there is some sense in that.

I am happy to help all of you look and to See. Look at what you are holding onto. [Silence] The natural sense here is to keep reminding you that: Whatever it might be, can you show it to me Now? If it is not present Now, then is it truly so compulsive that I have to take it along? ‘I have to board the flight with my ideas.’ Is it so compulsive? [Silence] Some fear, some anxiety can come because we’re used to our feet being on this egoic ground. We feel like ‘At least this I know. I know my grievances, I know my resentments, I know my relationships, I know my small areas of joy.’ But what I’m saying is to let go of all that you know. Your question will come: ‘But at least can I keep the joy?’ (or at least our idea of what is happiness or joy). But I’m saying ‘Come, come, come to the oasis. This, what you call joy, is just a mirage.’ Leave everything. Leave everything behind.

In a way you can’t blame the desert wanderer also because he has hung on to the small water bottle with a few drops. When you say ‘No, leave the bottle behind; you’ll be fine’ It can seem a bit rough. But I want to tell you that your idea about the world is not true. It is not the Real world. This is just a sound-and-light-show which will get over soon. Then what will you have?

Many millions of forms of Masters have come and they have gone. They have shown you that the true Master is within. It was a Rabbi (whose name I’m forgetting) who said ‘Receive with simplicity everything that life gives you.’ Receive with Simplicity everything that life gives you. What does this mean? What is this simplicity? For that, we can look at what is complex. The Sage Ashtavakra told us that ‘The mind is complex, let it go.’ It is only without this device called the mind that there can be simplicity (openness). But if you receive this with the filter of ‘what should be; what should have been’ then that is to not have received simplicity. They say some beautiful words. ‘Openness.’ What does it actually mean? Does it mean that ‘I will remain open as long as it suits me, as long as it helps me because through openness I will get something’? Is that our idea of openness? Is ‘Just receive this simplicity’ also a plan to get somewhere?

We say ‘Guru Kripa Kevalam’. What does it mean? What does it mean to you? [Silence] Is it ‘Guru Kripa Kevalam as long as Guru Kripa helps me?’ [Silence] This word ‘Kevalam’ means ‘Only’. And if ‘Only the Master’s Grace Is, only God’s Grace Is’ then to receive it with simplicity is easy; to receive it with openness is straightforward.

But we’re carrying this ‘me’ in our pocket.

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The Master Has Said ‘It Is Done’

We make a prayer that ‘May I be rid of this me.’

The Master says that ‘It is Done.’

You say ‘Rid me of this me’ and the Master says ‘It is Done.’

How do you receive this?

This part is very important.

All of you have made this prayer ‘Rid me of me.’

The Master has said ‘It is Done.’

Will you receive this in the same tired skepticism?

Or is there at least a little possibility that what the Master is saying is true? Will you still wait for evidence to prove the Master’s words?

Will you continue to judge yourself, to interpret yourself, in a limited way?

So, let’s not say ‘Guru Kripa Kevalam’ if we mean ‘Me, me, me, Kevalam.’

Most often I say: Don’t believe anything I am saying because the Truth is truly empty of all belief and I don’t want to give you a new belief system. But today, I also feel to tell you that it might be better to believe me than to believe that tormentor in your head.

So, if you could just even believe me when I say that ‘You are Free’ it is better than the garbage your mind is peddling. If you believe me that ‘All is the Satguru’s Grace’ and don’t believe anything else, then that is enough for me actually. Is it at least worthy of your belief? Or no? If you say ‘Okay, I cannot see it for me. I’ve looked and somewhere can’t compute this; can’t comprehend this Seeing’ …, till then, you believe one thing. Anything that you hear in Satsang, you believe that one thing which appeals to you. It will still be better than your current belief system. It could be one word [for example] ‘open.’ It could be one phrase ‘Guru Kripa Kevalam.’ It could be one pointer: ‘What comes and goes is not real.’ You are immersed in these all day; just pick up one. [One word, phrase or pointer said in Satsang]

Or is the trap so deeply embedded now that not even one thing is getting through? So, today I am not even saying ‘Let go of your belief.’ I am saying: Believe; but believe something that is worthy of your belief. Find that one thing and hold on to it for dear life.

Otherwise, like Laxman and Vasistha, we keep meeting life time after life time. Different situations, different events, different worlds, different times; the problem is always the same. Read the oldest scriptures, the problem is the same. Read talks with Ramana [Maharshi] more than 150 years ago, the problem is the same. You watch Guruji’s [Mooji’s] Satsang (which is happening live) and the problem is the same. And there is nothing that stops it from continuing it like this … unless You stop.

Just stop. Don’t ask how to stop, where to stop: Just stop.

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To Try to Know Is Ignorance

Often, we share this story of the thousand-handed monster, so all these hands, these weapons, what are they actually? What are they? These are all the things we think we know. [Chuckles] These weapons that make us suffer are only all of the things we think we know. Without that show me a way in which you can play this game. And I was very grateful one day while I was over there [refers to his London trip] and I just logged into Facebook and there was a quote about knowing and true knowing and this lady, she said very beautifully (and I am paraphrasing) she said ‘It takes a very deep honesty, it takes a very deep integrity to admit that I don’t know; takes a very deep honesty to look within and really admit that I really don’t know any of this.’ And I appreciated that comment very much because it is like that. It is (it can be) scary; it can seem like full confusion. It can seem like you are lost to let go of a mental knowing; the mental picture of this world and what is happening.

What happens is that as you come to a very naked insight about yourself, you try to hold that; to know that. We try to conclude that this is it or not it; we try to conclude that this is freedom or bondage.

Now, the thing is, this mental device, this tool called the mind, does not come close to capturing Reality in any way. So, the attempt itself is flawed. [Chuckles] Yesterday I read a quote from Sri Siddha Rameshwar Maharaj. He said ‘To try to know is ignorance.’ [Chuckles] ‘To try to know is ignorance.’ But the thing is that even the ‘I don’t know’ should not become a ‘knowing.’

Another child, she met me after a long time and she said ‘Father, I have not been in Satsang for quite some time because I have been busy with work and various other things but I just feel like Satsang is always with me anyway; so, is that true? Or am I hanging onto some delusion?’

I said to her ‘Actually, no position is valid’. [Chuckles] No position is valid because again we are reporting as this blob of bubble gum. [Chuckles] This big blob of bubble gum is just floating around and we consider it to be me and we say ‘This one is doing this because this is like that’ but we are just almost like bubbles floating in space. Imagine if bubbles starting taking individual positions like doer-ship and ownership ‘Oh, why have you collided with me?’ [Laughs] …, this kind of thing. And then some bubbles are getting bigger and bigger and they feel like they will come to a point where they will become so big that they will become everything (and these kinds of things). But floating bubbles have nothing to do with the Reality of You. But this is so deeply conditioned in us that ‘This is me’ and therefore the activity, the movement of these bubbles, convey some sort of bondage or freedom. But we don’t know any of that. To try to represent Reality through a mental filter is ignorance. This is what [Sri Siddha Rameshwar] Maharaj would have meant.

We have not ever been able to represent even phenomena accurately (like nobody can truly represent a sunset conceptually); forget about love and things like these but even phenomenal appearances (like a flower). So, if concepts cannot capture even this appearance which comes and goes, how will they capture That which is the Unchanging witness of all of these?

So, then true knowledge or true Jnana must be That which is not capturable in any concept.

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Now, where do you have to go to find This which you cannot capture in a concept? Where does one have to go to find That which is Un-label-able; the true Knowingness which is beyond any concept? [Silence] Most of you will say ‘Right Here. You just have to look within.’

All these clues are there for you:

Find that which witnesses everything.

Find that which is Unchanging.

Find that which is beyond all notions, beyond all qualities.

All these clues are there and by now, you should be able to say ‘This is how I come to it.’ But what keeps us in trouble often is that we want to keep it in some way. We want to keep it in some conceptual way or in some perceptual way. Now, you cannot keep this. So, if you cannot keep it, what does the Sage’s advice on abiding mean? ‘Abide as the Self.’ At some level ‘abide as the Self’ only means ‘Don’t be stupid.’ [Chuckles] ‘Don’t be stupid’ means what? Don’t consider yourself to be something that you are not. I don’t mean them to sound like harsh words or something. [Chuckles] Just saying that as a Father, I have to say sometimes ‘If you have everything, if everything is dancing in service to Your Truth but you still consider yourself to be a tiny coconut then I can say ‘Please abide in your Reality. Why do you believe this thing about yourself?’ [Chuckles] And the mind will come and say ‘I have to; I just have to!’ [Chuckles] No, you don’t. In fact, you can’t really do it. Like if I say ‘Carry your conditions with you now’ …, you can’t do it. ‘Bring whatever is bothering you from this moment to this moment; bring it with you.’ …, you can’t do it. It does not come naturally. So, allow only that which comes naturally and don’t know or ‘not know’ anything else. [Chuckles]

I was saying (I don’t know whether it was in broadcast) but I was saying the other day ‘What if I told you that everything that I am saying right now is neither true nor false? [Chuckles] If I told you that everything I am saying to you right now is neither true nor false, what will you do with it?’ [Chuckles. Looks around] Because your mind only works in this way, either assent or dissent; yes or no. Now I am saying ‘It’s neither true nor false.’ Now, you don’t know whether it is true what I am saying [Laughs] or it is false what I am saying. So, you can make no position about it. You can try and grapple with this if you want. So ‘neither true nor false’ …, is it true? No? But that would make it false. It is not that either.

[Reading from chat]: “Just listen to bird song and enjoy it.”

This is good. Exactly …, but without a concept of ‘the what’ like ‘the bird song’ or the concept of ‘enjoyment’ because the minute we start to conceptualize it, the true joy is sucked out of it in a way. Although ultimately, we have to say ‘Even this play of conceptualization, the Consciousness does for its own joy.’ But now it’s leading itself to a greater joy.

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The Best Gift Is to Meet Yourself Empty of Concepts Right Now

Q:I have a lot of sleepless nights and I see that a lot of my brothers and sisters in the Sangha have that experience, too. I was on Facebook this morning and I see one of my sisters talk about it. And along with the sleepless nights and knowing the Truth that you and Mooji have pointed to; that ‘I am life’ and I’m nothing that I could ever think about …, knowing that and having those sleepless nights thinking about the past, possibly beating myself up for the sins I committed that day, just troubled nights, wanting to get it, wanting it to be peace, wanting to not believe the mind, wanting to just observe; but they come up. And I did not want to even bring it to your attention because a lot of times during Satsang, I want to bring things to your attention but then I would be like ‘That’s just the mind, it’s not true, it not that.’ But then I told myself that ‘You call this man your Father. Go to your Father as a child and reveal to him what is going on with you; if this is true.’ So, Father, this is what is going on with me. And I don’t know. In those troubled-night moments, I just want to sit on your lap and I think that. ‘Sit on Father’s lap and be in his Grace.’ And I think about your smile and your light. And sometimes I go sit by your picture or something. And sometime I go play your Satsang. But then I just wonder why does it come? Why does it come? Am I of those people that’s not going to get it? I am earnest. I really want it. I am in Satsang right now, so that’s the evidence, you know? And I want to bring things to your attention, like I said before, but I don’t know if that’s the place because I don’t know if that is giving life to the thought or if I should ‘just be’ or be that bird just watching the other bird. I don’t know, I’m just confused and I want to shut up now. Okay, that’s it!

A:Thank you. Thank you for sharing. Very, very beautiful report with a lot of honesty and no need for special Advaita words or something like that. I enjoy that very much, that ‘These fears can come, these sleepless nights, this worry even about Freedom. ‘Am I really getting it? Or am just fooling myself? What is wrong? Why is it that I am not finding this peace?’ So, this question is very beautiful because it is asked with a lot of openness and integrity.

Is there a persistent message? Or is it just about the seeker identity? Is there usually a message about relationship or money or future, insecurity or something like this? Or does it just keep changing all the time? What happens?

Q:It does change. It’s a lot of that. It’s all the ones you listed. It’s a lot of it; a lot of it. So much to go into. So, it’s not one thing in particular but there is a trend; past relationships, rejection, a lot of self-esteem issues that kind of come up with the parents; stuff that I know that’s not even important. I guess that the irony of it all. Like I am sitting here thinking about all this past stuff, I know it’s dead but I get this tension in my head and it comes up. I am just kind of tired of it. It has been going on for years and I really don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know nothing else that I can do. I prayed and I am here. So, to answer your question it’s a lot of things that do come up again and again and again but it’s not just one thing in particular. Is that good?

A:Yes, yes, yes. Just feel free. Just be open. Whatever. All response is good, even no response is good. So, no pressure. You don’t have to be any particular way.

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Now the thing is that the best thing, the best thing, the best gift you can give to yourself, at this very moment, is to meet yourself empty of all judgement. And it is already true: just Now. And again: it is true Now.

I know that the mind will say ‘But what about that sleepless night? What about all these issues that remain unresolved?’ But these are about the past and the mind wants to use that to also to retain its supremacy in the present moment Now. But can we give this moment to God? Or to your Self? (Whatever term you like to use.)

Q:I would like to say yes. The thing is that I make that same attempt during those troubled times to no result. I try to think what you would actually say to me if during those sleepless nights I could get online and say ‘Father what should I do?’ I feel like you would tell you me ‘Just be. Let it go.’ But it doesn’t satisfy me.

A:So, one is to see if it is possible Now. And (just like you said) many of you tell me this (many of my children tell me this) that ‘I knew Father is going to say this.’ [Chuckles] But also, I know that you will say that ‘I know what Father is going to say.’ [Laughter] This is the thing. So, if you were to humor me (knowing fully well that I was going to say this) if you were to humor me now, would you say that Right Now, it is not possible to just be?

Q: I cannot not be. I do know that.

A:And is it not possible to allow your next thought just come and go? Is it possible? Or no?

Q:Yes.

A:You see? Because this meeting, if it happens even for a moment, even Right Now, it is completely worth it. Even if you don’t get a minute of sleep for the rest of your life, this meeting is worth it. It is not an antidote, it is not a solution. Because the mind will use this as ‘Okay, so if I meet God Now, will that help me get rid of my sleepless nights?’ But no; meeting God is worth it for God itself. Meeting your Self is worth it for the Truth of It Itself.

So, if I made a deal with you ten years ago and I said to you: You will meet the true Lord. You would meet the Lord for one moment; but for this meeting, you have to give up on your sleep for ten years. Would you say ok? Or no?

Q: I would say okay.

A:Yes. I am not saying this is the sacrifice you have to make (or something like that). I am not saying that. I am just saying that: this is your opportunity to meet the greatest Being, the only Being there Is.

Now, I know that this kind of answer can be very frustrating to the mind because it’s like ‘You know, I am struggling! I am just struggling day and night and you are saying ‘Meet God Now’ with no guarantees of the benefits.’ You see? And somewhere, the Father in me (of course) wants to reassure you and say that: there is nothing greater in this world than the holiness of

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Your Being. There is no problem which this Being cannot overcome. It is only when it considers itself to be something limited, only when it considers itself to be something individual, then this kind of struggle comes.

But that is why I am saying that irrespective of the consequences, irrespective of whether Cad [the questioner from the Sangha] has a sense that he has got it, or he is missing out, or he is not like Guruji or Ananta; none of these things are happening in his life. Even if all of these things were true, would it still be worth it to meet God Now? Or no?

Q: Yes.

A:Yes, you see? This is very good. So, if this is true, nothing can stop this meeting Right Now. There is only one condition to this meeting, which is that you cannot judge and hug God at the same time. [Chuckles] You cannot judge and hug God at the same time.

Q: I don’t get that.

A:Yes, yes, I can elaborate. It is like I say to you: Meet Your Self. Now the mind will start offering you some judgment. ‘Oh, so is this God? Does this mean am I free now? Does this mean I have got it?’ All of these things. Now, if you go with the judgment, then it seems like the meeting becomes irrelevant. But if you allow these judgments to just come and go, All-There-Is is God. And an entire life, an entire life is completely worth it for even one moment of this meeting.

Q:This was one of the times where I want to say to you that as you are pointing me to this meeting, I earnestly, earnestly in my heart try to be there when those moments happen. And like you said, my mind is saying ‘What about your past sleepless nights? You’re going to have them again.’ And I hear you say that this moment with God is worth all the trouble, right, that I feel don’t exist. And I just feel like (I don’t want to waste your time or anything like this but) as you are talking, I hear you but … you don’t experience like it like that. I don’t know your experience but I feel like but I’m like ‘He doesn’t experience anything like that or Gangaji doesn’t experience that or Eli doesn’t experience that.’ And I’m comparing my experience to you guys who are enlightened’s experience. That’s why I am attracted to you guys because I feel like the

Truth has broken whatever is not right. And I want that to just break all that stuff that I know is false! …, that I know is not true! …, that I know is not God! You know? When I see you, I know that. I’ve got your picture up here. I see it! And I hear you’all saying [Sir Nisargadatta] Maharaj (mainly) says ‘If you have an earnest heart, it should come.’ I feel like it should be that easy. You’all say it’s easy and I just don’t find it to be easy. Even in your pointing right now, I want to get it and I wanna be one of those people in Satsang that just really feel like they’re getting it and I feel like …, I’ve got it; I mean there’s nothing more intellectual that I can get …, and that’s the discouraging part because you’ve said this and I have heard your point this out. And honestly, I don’t understand what else needs to happen. And you’re right, if I could have a genuine moment with God, I guess it would all be worth it. But when will that moment happen? You know? I even think about your encounter, your famous encounter with Mooji and I just saw …, you just, your body language and everything just let go; just like a freeing liberation! You know? And I don’t want to seek out an experience. I just want the truth. And if an experience is there, I am

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cool with that, you know? But I just want what we all want! You know? And I know ‘you are myself’ in that but I don’t Know it. It’s just a difference. I feel hopeless. And I don’t mean to back up everything that you’re saying, or anything like that, or disregard it. I’ll be quiet now.

A:And again, don’t feel bad about anything you are saying because it’s a beautiful conversation. It is a beautiful conversation and I truly, truly appreciate this. In my heart, I can feel you. I truly appreciate what you are saying. I can sense your frustration because I was like this. Frustrated! …, when I was reading [Sri Nisargadatta] Maharaj. I was completely frustrated reading Maharaj because he would keep saying ‘Just stay with the sense ‘I Am’ …, just stay with the sense ‘I Am.’ And I couldn’t find the sense ‘I Am.’ I just couldn’t figure it out! You know? And it was so frustrating! So, I can completely feel you in my heart, my child. Don’t ever feel like what I’m sharing is from a different planet or . . .

So, don’t feel like oh these people, they don’t have this kind of experience, they don’t understand our frustration. I’ve had …, when my business was going through a lot of struggle, I feel like I didn’t sleep for a year or something like that. You see? So, I know this is how it can come and get a hold over you. And the thing is, why I am not guaranteeing any success using what I’m saying is because the guarantee itself can be like the obstacle. You see? The guarantee itself can serve as an obstacle.

But when I’m saying I have full trust in the voice that speaks here …, which, you know, the words are coming up and you will find that it is not possible for peace not to come. But when we make something a prerequisite, that itself seems to block the way. So, that is the reason why I’m not saying your sleepless night will go away because if you have that expectation then that itself the mind will use to make you more sleepless. And the thing is, especially with sleep; the best way to guarantee sleeplessness is to be concerned about sleep. Like so many come to satsang with me and they feel like they get into this vicious circle with their sleep and sleeplessness because it becomes like ‘a thing.’ When we start becoming concerned about sleep then sleeplessness just keeps growing more and more; it’s a vicious circle, then it keeps spiraling.

So, what I want to tell you is that: Right Now, irrespective of what happened on the hot seat with Guruji [When Anantaji came to Moojiji] whatever experience has happened in both of our [Ananta and Cad’s] seeming-lives, we are exactly the same and One. Right Now, there is not one ounce of difference.

You don’t have to believe this. You don’t have to believe this because the mind will come and say ‘I don’t believe this.’ Because it is beyond belief. What you have to do is (if I can request something) …, don’t be in a rush. Just let’s both stay quiet, for 2 minutes at least. And then after two minutes, you can report. [Silence, looking into each other’s eyes] Okay, now say…

Q:All I could think was Father is so beautiful. [Laughing and Smiling] That’s all I could think: Father is so beautiful. And ‘Don’t think.’ That’s all I was thinking. That’s my report.

A:Already, this is so beautiful. Already it is so beautiful because the Father that you’re speaking of, it could be (a part of it could be) commenting on this instrument that Father is using …, but the Father that you’re getting the darshan of is Your own inner light, Your own inner Presence.

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And, you know what? If I were to have a sleepless night, you know what I would do with it? I would just ‘be with this.’ You know, there was a time where my faith (everything) was bit shaky so I would just say to myself ‘God …, God…! God.’ And this Presence was always there. This beautiful Father (which is Your own, which is Your own Presence, Your own light) is always there.

Now, the thing is that no human, ever knows what sleep is, or how to go to sleep or how to come out of it. You see? The doctors don’t know, the scientists don’t know; nobody knows. Everyone can present lots of theories, but it is the just the Self playing with Itself. We had another child in the Sangha a few years ago and she used to have this thing where she would go to sleep then she would sleep only two hours and then she would wake up. And then she was so frustrated the next morning. Then she read somewhere that sleep patterns don’t have to be a certain way. Because what was happening with her was she was going to sleep for two or three hours then she was awake for two three hours and when she was going to sleep again for two three hours so it was all over the place like that. And then she saw some YouTube video or something where it said that it’s completely fine; some people have pattern like that and it’s fine. So, you don’t have to worry about it. The body will find a way to take care of itself, to rest itself. Yu don’t have to worry about the coming and going of sleep. I know that what you’re more concerned about is these oppressive thoughts, this sort of resistance, this sort of thing which seems to have a hold on you. But already you are on the beautiful, beautiful train, you see? You’re on the beautiful Satsang train. I know that these kinds of metaphors, they need a childlike innocence to really take them into our heart. And I know that you have this beautiful childlike innocence so I can offer it to you:

Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] said ‘Once you board the train, do you have to check every minute: Are you there yet? Am I there? Are we going to the right place?’ You don’t have to do that. So, once you’ve boarded the Guru train …, (and all the names that you took were very beautiful. So, I’m not saying you have to be in this Satsang only. All of the names that you took, they’re completely fine, you can be in satsang with all of us. It is the same light which is shining, the same Satguru Presence which is shining.) …, you’re on the Guru train and everything will be fine. Because ultimately, I have to say that what really gets in the way is our limited self-concern; our limited self-concern. So, once you put Cad [Questioner’s name] in the train, don’t worry about Cad. Cad is on the Guru train. Cad will get to wherever he has to get to. Now Cad is no longer your problem.

Q:I mean it. I trust you, I trust your words. I will continue to ‘sit on your lap.’ I like to say ‘Who knows what will happen?’ But I feel things will be different. I don’t know; I just feel like things will be different. I won’t expect anything. But I just feel that right now, like things will be different.

A:Very good, very good. Yes, they will be beautiful, they will be different. As long as you’re not giving this to your judgment, your interpretation of ‘What Is’ you will see the beauty that will unfold in your life.

Q: Thank you, Father.

A: So welcome, always. [Smiles] So welcome, always.

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Expectations Can Get in the Way of Truth

Even this which we call ‘the direct path’ sometimes the expectation becomes very big, like ‘Oh, but there are so many who…’ That’s actually one of the reasons why I do not like to share that video of my meeting with Guruji [Sri Mooji] also because in that video it does not contain all the previous like ten or fifteen years of frustrating spiritual journey. [Laughs] It just feels like ‘Oh, this guy just came and he sat over there and look [what happened]!’ You see, it just feels like that. [Chuckles] But before that, there was so much; so much feeling unworthy, feeling ‘Why I am not getting it?’ You see, all these things. So much anger against the Masters. All of this was also experienced here.

So, sometimes, the video does not do it justice, in way. [Chuckles] But the thing is that maybe now I can share this with you because it is very, very, auspicious also to come to this point where you feel so frustrated. You see, it is very auspicious. I know it sounds silly, what am I saying. [Smiles] but it is very auspicious in a way (like Guruji says) where you feel like you have run out of moves. You feel like ‘I don’t know. I have been earnest. Maharaj [Sri Nisargadatta] said that if you’re earnest, you will get it. I feel like I am completely earnest, but why I am not getting it?’ [Smiles] So, this kind of thing is very, very important.

And this, in a way, is what happened here also. When I got in to that auto rickshaw I was so frustrated with the book ‘I Am That’ …, frustrated with Maharaj [Sri Nisargadatta] and with everything. Like ‘What is this ‘I Am’? What is this Being? Why can’t I find it? What is going on?’ And you are like badly stuck. Because if it was something that you could discard (and I can share this with you because it feels true about you as well) … if it was clear to you that it is all garbage, then you would not come again. [Smiles] You would say ‘I would rather go to somebody who can help with my sleep trouble’ or something like this. But something in you clearly knows that the Truth is Here. And yet, it is frustrating because you feel like ‘I just can’t find it.’ [Smiles]

So, the same thing happened with me when I was reading ‘I Am That.’ I couldn’t leave it also because I could tell the words were so True and yet I felt like ‘It is not my experience.’ It felt so frustrating for some time. And also, if you remember that when Guruji went up to Papaji [Sri Poonjaji] Papaji said ‘While you still have arrogance, while you still have all of this, you will not get to the truth.’ Guruji was so frustrated, he was so angry to the extent of saying that ‘He is not even my Master. How dare he tell me things like this?!’ [Smiles] (I am paraphrasing, of course.) But, he walked away in this great anger and frustration and then something just ‘fuahhh’ … [blew away, happened, opened, awakened].

So, the thing is that in all these stories, if you worry about that ‘fuahhh’ [awakening] of that experience which happened to this one, then that can seem like then it is not complete frustration because it is like ‘Okay, then when the frustration comes, maybe it is this which will get me to That!’ You see? But even that expectation has to be squeezed out, in way. [Smiles]

So naked, so empty of what the next moment is; to bring that, it is like ‘I don’t know anything. I don’t know what is going on. I don’t know what Satsang is. I don’t know if I will get it. I don’t

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know what the Truth is. I have learned everything but it is all pointless.’ It can come to a point like this. And there is just a beautiful nakedness to this.

Sometimes I feel like saying ‘I don’t want to reassure you’ because that reassurance becomes an expectation. [Smiles] That reassurance becomes an expectation that sits over there. I want to leave you naked because that is the best gift I can give to you. I don’t want to give you a fig leaf. I don’t want to give you ‘something.’ (You know, many times, of course, I do that.) But sometimes, I just don’t want to say that ‘It will all be alright’ because ‘It will all be alright’ becomes an expectation. You see? ‘When is that ‘alright’ coming?’ [Chuckles] Sometimes, I just say ‘Nothing; no crutches, no guarantees, nothing.’

Have you watched that video of Guruji where he is speaking of ‘no stick’? That is one of my favorite videos. Look it up on YouTube. Just say [put in the search-bar] ‘No stick, Mooji’ then this video will come. And it is very beautiful; very, very beautiful. Because, like, no guarantees, no future, no past. It is like nothing, nothing, nothing! You see, nothing. No bondage, no freedom, no nothing.

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Trying to Answer ‘Why’ Is a Compelling Addiction

Q: Father, every day we hear this…

A: Yes.

Q: … and why don’t we understand this?

A:Because we don’t give up on the ‘why.’ [Laughs]

Q:It’s crazy! It’s so frustrating, actually!

A:And NOW? [Silent moment] See, there … like: this moment has come. This moment is empty of even that report from the past moment. But now, you want to play with what?

There is something compelling about even this, like trying to resolve it, trying to answer the ‘why.’ It can feel like a compelling addiction. And although we are free moment-to-moment (of it) but it can feel like ‘But…’

Q: Trapped!

A:‘I’m trapped.’ This story is very compelling, no? …, for all of us in Satsang. ‘But we hear this every day. We’ve been to Satsang with you now for long time and yet, why am I just not getting it?’ But this is not what the Master is saying. (Laughs). In a way, that itself becomes the obstacle.

What is the Master saying? ‘Meet God Now.’

What is the mind saying? ‘Yeah! We’ve heard this from the Master so many times that we should meet God now, why don’t we do it?’

Get the difference there, no?

Master is saying: ‘Meet God Now.’

And the mind will come and say: ‘Yeah, yeah, I know this, like ‘meet God’ is completely possible but, you know, why don’t I listen then? Why don’t I meet God now?’

Mind is saying: ‘Why don’t I listen? He is saying it every moment but why don’t I listen? So, listen. Meet God now.’

And I know this play. I know this play. Even this seemingly well -intentioned question ‘Why don’t we do it?’ is actually like a distraction from doing it. You know what I mean?

Q: Yeah.

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A:Because I have never said that you must contemplate why you are not getting it or why you are not doing it. That is not a guidance provided by me, to ask ‘Why? Why don’t you listen?’ I’m just saying: meet yourself naked Now. Or meet God Now. Unjudged.

You don’t have to worry about why you don’t do it.

Do it. You see?

You don’t have to worry about why you don’t do it.

See, the thing is, we try to resolve it for ‘past me’ or ‘future me’ but the only thing you have is You. Now. The Real You, which is neither past nor future.

Like Cad was saying earlier, ‘Father, resolve it for the one who is not sleeping at night’ … which was last night or tonight, this morning, the one that is going to come. Resolve it for these ones. This, which is here, is fine, in a way. He didn’t say that [Chuckles] but in a way, it can feel like that. ‘Solve it for that guy [past guy] or that guy [future guy]. Here, it is possible for me to meet God Now but what about that guy [past guy] or that guy [future guy]?’ You know what I’m saying? So, don’t be charitable right now. Don’t worry about that one [past one] or that one [future one]. Meet yourself Now. And as you meet yourself Now, you will see that past-Meera, future-Meera, past-Cad, future-Cad, past-all of us, future-all of us, don’t have to be concerned about that at all.

‘Why don’t we do it?’ also has past and future built in. Like ‘I heard you in the past and why am I not still doing it?’ And ‘Will I come to a place where I will do it?’ It is not possible that way. What I am saying is not possible that way. It’s just like [Snap! Clicks his fingers]. It is not like a result of something. It is not something you can keep as an output of something. And it’s frustrating because it can sound very nice when Guruji [Sri Mooji] says ‘You run out of moves’ and we heard it and feel like ‘Wow! This is what I want. I want to run out of moves.’ But when it comes, it doesn’t feel so good, does it? [Laughs] It feels like ‘Ohhh! So, this is what it looks like?’ Yes, tears can be a part of it, where in you feel like ‘It’s so frustrating, I’m not getting it.’ It squeezes all our doer-ship out of us. In a way, I can even say it squeezes hope out of us, all hope out of us. [Laughs]

Q: Yeah. Full.

A:Yeah, but when this kind of mental hope is squeezed out of us, it doesn’t lead you to a mental hopelessness. It’s a very beautiful thing: beyond hope. All the greatest Fakirs [enlightened Masters] in the world were completely enjoying their hopelessness. I was saying jokingly to someone the other day that ‘What are these tears? The tears are just when our concepts are melting.’ All the concepts are melting over here [points to the head/mind] and they are coming out like this. [Tears]

Q: I hope.

A:Exactly. In a way, of course many, many times I have tried to sugar-coat all of these things for all of you. I try to make it very easy and straight-forward for my children. But in a way, this process is so destructive that there will be many times that you will not enjoy it. I have to say.

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There will be many times in Satsang that you will not enjoy it because fundamentally, nobody likes their hopes dashed. Nobody likes their beliefs confronted. It is not an enjoyable process. Nobody likes to truly, truly admit that you don’t know anything. Till there comes a point when you start loving it, that initial confrontation, that initial honesty that ‘I don’t know even what is up or down. I don’t know what is up or down.’ Like I can tell you honestly, I don’t know what is up or down. That’s why I am in awe when some of you report about things because I just feel like ‘Wow!’ [Sangha laughs] I just feel like ‘Wow! Look at them! They are able to report on up, down, grief, happiness, life, yesterday, tomorrow.’ I just look and I can say I don’t know any of this stuff. I can tell you from present experience, I notice one blob is sitting here. His mouth seems to be opening, you know, and closing. Some words seem to be coming out of it and there are other blobs who are sitting around [Chuckles] but what it is, whether it is truth and what is going on, I don’t know.

Q: But how is it beautiful?

A:Yeah. Maybe you should forget about ‘beautiful.’ Let me use that report as I see it but you don’t make an expectation out of that. Because your idea of beautiful does not conform with mine right now. What is your idea of beautiful?

Q: Good feeling in the heart.

A:No, that is not my idea of beautiful.

Q:What is it?

A:It’s just like, in the wonder of this moment. anything can come. Like, this mouth sitting here can just speak anything. It’s just like one crazy movie, like a roller coaster. You don’t know what is going to come. In this way, this movie is beautiful. Sometimes it’s so unpredictable. For me, that is beautiful. It is not that only that these chocolate feelings are coming that is beautiful. Sometimes any variety of feeling could arise here and that is part of the wonder, no?

So, for me, that’s what I am saying. Maybe the term is being used differently where you’re saying ‘Beautiful is about some beautiful feelings’ and things like this and I am saying ‘Beautiful in the beautiful unpredictability of this play, the wonder which is so inherent in all appearances.’

Yes, and I have to admit also that I did not find this beautiful. I did not find this beautiful for a long, long period of my life. If somebody said ‘Your entire life is going to be unpredictable’ that would have sounded like very bad news to me [Chuckles] because I wanted to plan, I wanted to have a relationship in this way, a software company in this way, the right amount of money in the bank, all of these things also. So, if somebody said ‘Oh! My life is so beautiful because I can’t tell what is up and what is down’ I would have been like ‘Shut up!’ [Laughs] ‘I don’t want this kind of beautiful. I want to know what up is what down is!’ So, there is a particular phase where this doesn’t make sense in terms of why it is beautiful. Like, I take this example: Is a movie beautiful if you know every scene already? Or is it beautiful because it’s full of surprises and wonder and at every turn, you don’t know what can happen?

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Satsang Is the Company of the Truth

If we take a very literal meaning of Satsang, it is the company of the Truth. The company of the Truth.

So, why is it such a special or rare commodity? This Truth, what Truth is this?

And why are we looking for the company of the Truth?

Have we been in the company of the false, to now look for the company of True? And if this is true [Chuckles] then what is it?

Whose company has been the company of the false? What is it here that is false?

And here I mean in this waking appearance, in the realm of appearances.

Whose company have we been keeping, that we are now looking to escape and to come to the company of the Truth?

So, the false is the idea of the separation. The false is the idea of distinction. The false is the idea of individuality. We have believed it to be true. The One Itself has believed Itself to be separate.

Now, initially what happens is that when you start coming to Satsang is that it can seem like it’s bit of a three-way conversation. The Master’s voice is speaking, you are listening to that. But there is another voice also speaking, an old companion of ours [Smiles] is also speaking, so you are listening to that. So, it can feel like bit of a tennis match where you, the poor guy, you are struck in the middle [Chuckles. Makes gesture of head moving left, moving right] and you end up with a crick in the neck.

But as you settle into Satsang, you realize that the Master’s voice is pointing to something that is beyond this false nature of separation. And the disturbance or the voice of the mind, the tormentor, its voice starts to become lighter and lighter, easier and easier.

And soon (I don’t want to say how soon) [Chuckles] you come to a certain lightness of Being.

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Who Is It That I Truly Am?

Know that everything that makes you stiff, that makes you heavy, is not natural to You, is not Your original nature. If there is a condition which you are believing about YourSelf which is untrue, it is limiting You.

And one of the primary conditions which we believe about our self (or humanity believes about itself) is this idea that ‘I am limited to a particular appearance.’ And which particular appearance is this? The appearance of this body.

After a point, this identification becomes very conversational. This body identification becomes merely conversational. [Silence] ‘I ate this for breakfast, I want this for lunch’ …, conversational in that way. But if you were to truly ask me (like one child asked me yesterday) ‘How do you spend your day? Or what is your day like?’ I don’t remember clearly what I said but if you were to ask me now I would say:

This state, this waking state, this day, wakes up within Me; I don’t wake up in it. It wakes up within Me. In Truth, I remain untouched by it.

But within this waking state, there also appears this narrator, this voice, which seems to have an agenda, which wants to make Me into one of these appearances in this waking state. It wants to tell Me that it is only some of the sensations (those sensations which I call this body) that are mine or me. And all the other sensations which so clearly appear within Me (within, at least, the space of My perception) it says that they are not-Me.

But it doesn’t leave it at that. It also says that if I do a certain set of things (as this limited object) then these other sensations can become mine. So, that which is completely already mine…, yet when I limit MySelf, the mind wants to play the same game and say ‘If you do this or you do that or you don’t do this as this limited object then something here could become mine.’ You see? After a point, both of these ideas start to seem ludicrous.

I look at MySelf and I See that I find no boundary. [Silence]

All is Here.

And within all of this, there is the mind which says ‘You’re only this object, this body/mind organism.’ But strangely enough, it doesn’t even stop at that. It also says that ‘This object can own other objects.’ And this, then, is the nature of attachment: first consider YourSelf to be an object and then assign an attribute of ownership to other objects.

And what remains un-investigated for most of us is: What is beyond these perceptions, these objects?

[Silence]

Most of us don’t investigate.

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[Silence]

Who is it that witnessed the appearance of this state called the waking state, where there is a world with all of its play of light and sound? Apparently, it is the same one who experienced another state called the dream state in which there was another world just like this; another play of light and sound.

Then who is it that can say that last night I did not have any dreams, it was just deep sleep?

Who is it that experienced even deep sleep?

So, the one that is aware of these states coming and going, can that really be an object within one of these states?

In deep sleep, there is no object. Then what am I?

In dream state, there is another object which I call ‘me’ and it seems as clear as this ‘me’ in this waking state.

So, who is it that I truly am?

So, it is the advice of the Sages that before we can figure out why something is in this state or why something happens to me like this, first we must clarify: Who is this I?

[Silence]

And this is called the path of Knowledge; Jnana Yoga.

But there is something confusing about this term called ‘knowledge’. And those who come to this apparently-direct path, they might find that ‘If I pick up the best concept about myself, that I Am Brahman, the Absolute, or if I can remember the strongest, most potent verses of the Upanishads, the Bhagavad Gita and the Bhramasutras, then I will become That …, or I will get the freedom of the Sages.’ Because according to our understanding, it is a path of knowledge after all and ‘This is the way I know things, by picking up concepts about them.’

Then we realize ‘This is futile! I can have the best concepts but when push comes to shove, when the rubber hits the road in this life, then somehow these concepts of Oneness, these concepts of non-separation, the concepts of the Unchanging Self, they seem to be the first to go out the window. All our highest concepts seem to be the first to desert us. So, that cannot be the Truth.

The phrase ‘Aham Brahman Asmi; I Am Brahman, the Absolute’ …, if it is just conceptual, then it does not help.

Then, what is the other way we can know things? If we cannot have a concept of it then we feel like ‘I must at least have a sensory experience of it, a perceptual experience of the Truth beyond

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concepts.’ So, then we try to look for this Knowledge as an experience. And some of us have spiritual experiences; some can have kundalini, some can have transcendence, some can have all types of samadhis. And then we can feel like ‘Oh, that experience is the Truth.’ But then again, we get frustrated because the Sages have said that ‘The Truth does not come and go.’ But these experiences all come and go. So, then these experiences can also not be the Truth.

There is nothing in your experience that does not have a duration.

Therefore, all comes and goes.

Now what is left?

The greatest concepts have failed and the most pristine even spiritual experiences have failed to get us to That which is the Unchanging.

[Silence]

Who has followed this story so far? [Chuckling]

So, what we’ve come to know is that to conceptualize is not it, and to perceive is not it, what else is there? If you cannot conceptualize the Truth and you cannot perceive the Truth (because we are applying that filter, the filter that ‘If it is changing, it is not the Truth’) then, what is left?

[Silence]

What are we saying? We’re saying that this device [pointing to his head] this mental device cannot do it, and these sensory devices cannot do it; even the devices of the so-called inner perceptions (that which perceives memories, imagination) not even this kind of perception it is. It is not a memory, it is not imagination, it is not a thought, not emotion …, because all of these are changing. So, it cannot be an object of thought, intellect, and it cannot be an object of perception. All objects are gone. You see? Then all objects are gone.

But what remains?

Q:Guru Kripa. [Guru’s Grace]

A:Guru Kripa. [Chuckling] Yes. Actually, she’s absolutely right. Because that is the shortcut of surrender. ‘I cannot find it, Lord. Everything is your problem.’ And for some, this kind of devotional quality comes naturally. Like some children quickly rush back to the mother. But some want to fight it out saying ‘I can do this’.

The Unchanging Ever-Present Awareness, The Is–ness is what is Here, [is what is] left.

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Without Identification You Can’t Suffer

Now, this is an uncommon recognition. Why am I saying it’s an uncommon recognition? Because it is not a concept. To express it, of course, we have to use concepts but the recognition itself is not conceptual. You did not suddenly compute 333 into 545 and come up with an answer and then shout it. ‘Yes! This is it!’ It’s not a computation …, and also it is not something that you perceived.

That is why this question is so pristine: Are you Aware Now?

Are you Aware Now? It is very different from a question like ‘Are you hungry now?’ How is it different?

Q1: No reference to any sensation.

A:No reference to any sensation. So, what happens if I ask you ‘Are you hungry now?’ You refer to some sensations and ‘No, I feel like I am fine.’ Or if there are sensational pangs of hunger then you say ‘Yes, I am quite hungry.’ But how is it different from ‘Are you Aware Now?’ [Silence] So, in the case of hunger there is some sensation, which tells you the presence or absence of hunger. Same thing for if I say ‘Are you in pain?’ You have a sensation; pain or no pain. If I say ‘Are you sitting or standing?’ you have these visual perceptions that you rely on. If

I say ‘In front of you is there a red color or blue?’ you can check, perceptually. So, this is a perceptional sort of knowing.

Now, if I say ‘Does 2 + 2 = 4?’ You say ‘Yes.’ Now, this is a different type of knowing. It is not sensational but you were able to reason, you were able to compute it. You were able to use your intellect, reasoning. You don’t have to see 4 objects in front. If I say ‘1 million + 1 million’ you’ll say ‘2 million.’ You don’t have to see 2 million objects sensorially. There is something that you can use called the intellect to bring you this kind of knowledge.

And then, there is another type of knowledge when we say ‘Where were you born?’ You have the concept of it, that ‘I was born here or there.’ A concept of it. You don’t have to compute it. You just have to reply on some conceptual memory.

But ‘Are you Aware Now?’ is different from all of these questions because you did not compute it, you do not have to refer to memory for it, you don’t have the sensory experience of anything called Awareness, and yet, what do you say? ‘Yes.’ This is an astounding discovery. This an astounding discovery.

So, what type of Knowing is this, that I am aware? If it was not Known, then you would say ‘No’ or ‘I don’t know.’ You say ‘I am Aware’. You might say ‘I don’t know what this Awareness is, I don’t know where it is, I don’t know what my relationship with it is.’ You might say all of these things. But the thing with Awareness is, even if you say that ‘I am unaware’ you are actually saying, ‘I am aware that I am unaware.’ [Chuckles] So, it is inescapable.

So, what did you find?

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Are you Aware Now?

There is something very natural about it.

But the mind doesn’t like this kind of inquiry. It’s like ‘What is this? I’m not getting the experience of freedom! Where are the fireworks? Why are you so bothered about Awareness? It is nothing!’ This kind of resistance comes. And maybe if this kind of resistance comes, then we know we are onto something.

How is it that I am able to answer ‘Yes’ but I don’t see it as a perceptual object? I don’t have to refer to a memory of it. I Am Aware Now.

And it is not just a concept. Like it is not the same as ‘Oh, the world is round or spherical’ (which is just a conceptual knowledge for most of us). But ‘Are you Aware Now?’ is direct. It is a no-experience experience. Or sometimes I call it the [only] non-phenomenal experience (if there is such a thing; we just have to stretch the language sometimes).

Q2: It is the only experience that doesn’t come and go.

A:It is the only experience that doesn’t come and go. Aha! See? Now we’re getting somewhere. It’s what the Sages were saying, that ‘We were frustrated with all other levels of experience because everything seems to come and go.’ But she said this is the only thing (if you can call It a thing) that doesn’t come and go.

Q3: But it is forgotten.

A:‘But it is forgotten.’ [Chuckles] But even to forget …, It must Be. Q4: It’s untouched.

A:It’s untouched. So, unchanging, untouched.

Q5: Self-evident.

A:Self-evident. Look at that. All the clues, from all the Ashtavakra Gita and Upanishads; all these clues. Naturally, all of you are saying this. But when we try to find It as an object, we could not find.

Now, the thing is that when we inquire like this, the mind has one more trick up its sleeve; it has one more trick up its sleeve. It says ‘Okay, all of this is about It. But what about you? How did it help you?’ And this …, I make it sound exaggerated but I can’t tell you how common it is. Because you could have an awakening or you could have a very sober Seeing, but even after that, the question quickly comes ‘Okay, now I had this experience of the unchanging, untouched, self-evident Awareness, but what about ‘me’?’ or ‘What does this mean for ‘me’? Am I free now because of this?’

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And this is exactly what I mean by ‘the ocean and the coconut.’ You considered that you are a coconut looking for the ocean. You found that You YourSelf are the ocean because there is no distinction between ‘I’ and ‘Awareness.’ In fact, here all distinctions dissolve. Everything that is defined by language dissolves here. All terminology dissolves. Even the term ‘Awareness’ or ‘Self’ …, all of this, dissolves. So, you thought you were the coconut looking for the ocean and you saw that You are the ocean Itself. But the allegiance to the coconut is so much that we still go back to this illusory coconut and say ‘Now that I found that I am the ocean, what does it mean for the coconut?’ [Silence]

And as we were exploring yesterday, we try to contain this insight, which is not capture-able through the mind, into some conclusion. Because according to the mind, still nothing happened. This Awareness is beyond any fireworks. The mind said ‘At least if there were fireworks then I know.’ Or the mind says ‘If I came to some sort of a deep conceptual understanding that every word out of my mouth is now scriptural, that I am speaking like a Sage, then I would say okay, I am free.’ But neither of these things have to happen.

So, according to the mind nothing happened because that’s all it can operate with. It says ‘Okay, what was that experience? Let’s try to capture it in words.’ Then some will say ‘It’s nothing.’ But it was not ‘nothing.’ It was Awareness! It was the Self! It was not a ‘thing’. It’s a no-thing. But no-thing is again ‘nothing’ for the mind.

So, you cannot capture it through the mental tool. Now, if I say ‘Okay, can you draw a painting of this Awareness?’ [You would say] ‘No, I can’t do that either.’ The mind will offer up paintings. It’ll say ‘It’s a big, black, empty space.’

But what is aware of that big, black, empty space?

Some will say ‘It’s a huge white light’ or something.

What is witnessing that?

So, all these paintings which it has on offer; all these pictures are also not It.

According to the mind nothing happened. ‘Okay now, where is the Ananda?’ because you’ve heard that at least: ‘If you find the Self, there will be Sat Chit Ananda.’ So, ‘Sat and Chit was this; but now, where is the Ananda? If you at least show me Ananda, I’ll give you a certificate freedom.’ [Chuckles] Ananda also doesn’t have to come like this because Ananda is also a term which has many levels. Like there is a joy of sleep but no-body tastes that joy as the joy of something sweet or salty.

So, that is why the Sages say something very strange. They say ‘Until you know the Truth…’ Okay, let’s put it the other way. They say ‘The Truth cannot be ‘known’ but until you Know the Truth, you will not come to the end of your suffering.’

So, what are they saying? They are basically saying that you cannot conceptualize or perceptualize the Truth …, but there is a deeper Knowing-ness, the Knowing-ness Itself, this

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Awareness Itself, which is the unchanging Truth. And once this is Seen then the identification with ‘the limited one’ starts to fall away. And without identification, you cannot suffer. Unless you identify yourself with the limited object, there is no such thing as suffering.

(So, this is primarily what’s happening in Satsang. You’re being pointed to this non-experience experience but because the tennis match might still be on, the mind is saying ‘This is nothing’ or ‘You haven’t got it; you haven’t understood’ or it might even say ‘It’s not your experience.’ But it is not an experience or an understanding …, is what the Sage is already saying.

So, this Truth which is beyond concepts and beyond experiences,

This is the true Sat of Satsang.

To try and capture It with the mind is ignorance.

To keep waiting for some sort of spiritual experience is ignorance.

To make conclusions about It also, is ignorance.

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Seva Is Very Beautiful

We spoke [Ananta and MoojiBaba] and he mentioned something about *seva. We have also been talking about it quite a bit actually in Bangalore here. So, something occurred to me. As he was speaking then, it occurred to me that: Can we look at what seva is actually? It is just that the Master is holding up the hill. You have heard the story of Krishna holding up the hill? But Krishna also gave the opportunity to the villagers to come with their sticks. (It is a longer story. I will share later.) But basically, the Master has given this beautiful opportunity.

Guruji [Sri Mooji] has put these words in to this mouth [of Anantaji] and Guruji has bought all of you to hear these words; has also given this sort of possibility to commune in this way. All of it is his grace.

So, then, our seva is what? Our seva is actually a privilege. The seva that we are doing is actually a privilege that my Master is allowing us to share in his grace. So, actually, if we were to go to Guruji and say ‘We have done so much seva’ … like just to take an example: if I was to go to Guruji now and say ‘Okay, now, in service to you now, for the last five years, I have given half of my time to Satsang and sharing. All of this has been seva to you, actually.’ …, what should his response be? Should his response be ‘Thank you’? It can be. But a more appropriate response would be ‘You’re welcome’ … once this perspective of seva becomes clear, that we are so privileged to participate in this beautiful grace called Satsang …, so privileged to at least pretend to hold the stick while the Master is doing everything.

Also, seva is very, very beautiful. It is a great privilege and it is, in many ways, the strongest *sadhana. In many ways, it’s the strongest sadhana that has come in to our life. So, we have so much to be grateful for, about it.

~ ~ ~

*Seva: selfless service or work performed without any thought of reward or repayment.

.

*Sadhana: spiritual practice.

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Aham Asmi Brahmasmi

I Am All There Is

[Questioner says something inaudibly about Ramana Ashram visit]

A:She said something that I say also sometimes in Satsang. I said: Imagine if you are ‘All There Is.’ Start by imagining and then see if you are actually imagining…, or it is the limitation which is being imagined?

I went a little fast but easily you can start by imaging that you are actually ‘All There Is’ (not just this container) and then just see how life would be, how everything would be if you were ‘All There Is’ instead of this limited object.

With Bhagavan’s [Sri Ramana Maharishi’s] grace, you had sort of a direct experience of that, which is beautiful. Now, what you have to do is not hold that as some sort of a benchmark or a memory and say ‘Okay, I need to rush back to that.’ That which you found by Bhagavan’s grace is always Here Now.

So, if you start from this perspective, Aham Brahmasmi (and she says very beautifully that ‘these were just words’) until you experience this for yourself, it just sounds like a very fancy concept. ‘Oh, it must be true somewhere but I am actually a limited entity.’ But when you have the experience of it, what happens? It Is. You might feel like ‘We have to imagine ourselves to be ‘All There Is’ but actually it is the imagination (that we are limited) that drops away. So, when you sat at Bhagavan’s feet, was it that you were imagining something …, or that you let go of everything?

Q: [Inaudible]

A:This is really good. I am very happy to hear this. Just to be able to go to Ramana Ashram to spend some time (I’m presuming you are talking about the meditation hall at the back where the couch is) is very, very beautiful; very energetically supportive. So, this is the great thing about the Sages. Not only are they pointing us to what they want to show us, they are also creating that energetic field, energetic support, where the mind doesn’t seem so strong, so gripping. So, you enter there and starts to seem obvious; yes.

And for a while it can be that ‘Oh! I went out and I’ll lose it’ …, like many of you have these reports that ‘In front of you in Satsang, everything is okay, but the minute we leave, it seems like everything comes back.’ Also, that ‘Five minutes ago I was so upset, five minutes before I came to Satsang I was so upset, now as I am sitting here, I am realizing it is nothing at all that I am upset about.’ And then the fear comes that ‘What if five minutes after you leave the same thing come back and it’s strong?’ So, at least the time during which you are in Satsang in the holy energy, you can use that to just see. In, fact we don’t even have to say ‘use that for anything’ because it happens on its own. It just happens on its own; the true recognition of what we are.

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To Conceptualize Is Only a Struggle

What if you didn’t have a concept of anything at all? [Looks around the room] Even in this question, many times what can happen is we can go on a search for a concept. So, I said ‘What if you didn’t have a concept of anything at all?’ Then you’re searching for a conceptual answer. Then what if…? Then maybe everything would be okay. But then ‘Okay’ is also a concept. You might say ‘If I didn’t have a concept then everything would be beautiful. But then that ‘beautiful’ is also a concept. This is what happens. You see?

Q: We look for the concept.

A:Yes. Then we look for the concept of what we will be. And we have such beautiful concepts now because we have the concepts of freedom, we have the concepts of God, the concepts of the Absolute; we have all kinds of beautiful concepts. And many times, these can become a crutch. And it is this struggle to conceptualize our life as a way to try and make sense of our life which has become a struggle. Empty of this, it is just what It Is.

But we’ve been taught, probably as children, that we have to know life in this conceptual way and only then can it be a good life (or something like that). We don’t know anything about it actually. We don’t know what life is. We don’t know who exists.

Like Papaji can ask the question ‘So, what woke up in the morning?’ You might say ‘I woke up.’ But if I ask you who that ‘I’ is, we don’t really know. We might have a term for it. We may say ‘Beingness woke up’ or ‘Atma woke up’ or ‘I-the-person woke up.’ But do we really know what woke up? We don’t really know but we have terms and we feel like because we have terms we know something.

Q:If we want to know, it brings more questions. But if after you ask ‘Who woke up?’ we remain quiet …

A: Yes, exactly.

Q: Just keep quiet, knowing that any answer is not good enough.

A:Yes. To keep quiet only truly means this. ‘Keep quiet’ does not mean keep quiet with the mouth. ‘Keep quiet’ means to be empty of concepts, to be empty of notions, to be empty of egoic belief.

[Anantaji repeats her next question]: She says, “Many times this question must have been asked, that ‘How does one come to this concept-less-ness? Is it truly in my hands? And Guruji has said that Grace is always with you. So, it doesn’t feel like I myself can bring myself to this concept- less-ness. I’m not the only one in this. It must be a sort of tag team.”

Is that what you’re saying?

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Now, the thing is that to become concept-less has already happened, Now. You see? It has already happened. So, that part has happened. Now, when you say ‘Is it in my hands?’ this ‘my’ is which one?

Q: The individual.

A:Now, where is this one?

Q:When we dissect and we…

A:Okay, let’s go really slow. So, concept-less-ness happens moment-by-moment on its own. It cannot bring a concept from the previous moment to the Right Now on its own. It needs first a thought to come, then your belief to go; all that has to happen. So, concept-less-ness is already Here. Now, in this concept-less-ness, is there an individual ‘me’ …, like whose hand this is?

Q: It just happens.

A:So, that which just happens, either we call that Grace or Guru Kripa or the will of Consciousness. Now, all actions are like that. Whatever Consciousness might believe Itself to be, It never actually becomes an individual. Whatever Consciousness might believe Itself to be, the birth of the individual never happens. It’s only still a belief.

So, from that perspective, all is in your hands as Consciousness. And from the individual perspective, you don’t even exist [Chuckles] so nothing is in your hands. So, it all depends on which perspective we are speaking from.

She says, “When you see it from concept-less-ness, then there is no question. You are just quiet.”

[Looks at her]: But …?

[Laughter in the room]

[Repeats what she said]: She says she has two problems. One is relationships and the second is business, because you get used to planning and strategizing in your business.

Actually, we can have only four. These are two out of the four problems you can have.

Let’s investigate this.

Problem 1: Relationship.

Problem 2: Money, security, business, work (whatever you call it).

Problem 3: Body, some body thing.

Problem 4. Freedom itself becomes a problem, like how do I get to freedom?

The seeker identity, the search for meaning, the search for Truth, whatever you call it.

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These are the four main problems.

So, out of four, you have two; which is not bad. [Laughter] Basically, our lives are not complicated. Everybody who comes with problems will say one of these four. And when something unique-sounding also comes, it ultimately relates to one of these four because this is what our identity is primarily made up of. But right in this moment, do you have a problem?

Q: No.

A: So, what’s so special about this moment that they went away?

Every moment is like this. You can try it out. Unless you pull from the past or project into the future, there is never a thing called a problem. Even these problems like relationships …, who is the mother or the grandmother, for example? When the daughter was born, every cell of that body was different, and every cell of the daughter that was born is also different (this lady that is sitting here). So, that relationship is who and who?

It cannot be found. It’s only that we have nourished these notions of ‘me’ and ‘mine’ for so long that it can seem like we are dependent on them.

[Repeats what she said for online sangha]: She says that in the past year she’s also been just letting go and so many miraculous things are happening. In fact, those things which she would have had to work a lot for, they are just happening without doing any work. And yet, when she’s trying to work towards something, it doesn’t happen.

You see, there are so many miracles that are here naturally. How is this heart beating? How is the breath flowing? How are all the perception working? Like I was saying the other day, how are the atoms of this body being kept together? So, in this phenomenal appearance, every moment is miraculous. We take away the miracle from it, the wonder from it, by labeling it.

[He picks up a flower by his side] This is a miracle. But to call it a ‘flower’ takes away the miraculous-ness of it because we put it in our basket of knowing. ‘I know it is a flower and flower means petals’ and all of these things. But this, in itself …

I say many times that I only saw a flower for the first time after I met Guruji. [Sri Mooji] The minute we go to even the perception of something then we start to conceptualize it so much that it becomes stale.

This is what I have been calling the photocopy version of life. We take all our experiences and make photocopies and put these photocopies in our memory and say ‘This is what my life is.’ And if we let go of this habit of conceptual photocopying, then every moment is a miracle. It’s so wondrous.

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The Fruit of Meditation Is Simple Openness

[Ananta repeats what was said]: She says that “I am not able to meditate because of some physical ailments which are remaining mostly undiagnosed. It is not clear what is causing it but I’m not able to sit in this quiet and I’m saying to myself ‘Let it be like that. If I can’t meditate, I can’t meditate. As long as I can be with some inner peace…”

Q: As long as I am happy with myself.

A:It is fine. Yes, it is fine. I’m saying the answer is ‘Yes.’ It is completely fine because the fruit of meditation is this, when we are in acceptance (which means we are allowing everything to come and go as it is). It doesn’t mean you have to sit in lotus posture. It doesn’t mean anything.

Before I met [Sri Mooji] Guruji, I used to go to another Master who used to say ‘In the evening, take out a few minutes.’ He used to say ‘If you want to have a glass of scotch with you, that is fine too.’ He used to say that. [Laughs] ‘If it helps you to calm down, that is fine, too.’ He used to say that. Of course, I never followed that advice. [Laughs] But he would say that. So, all these preconditions that ‘This has to be, that has to be’ are not needed. As long as there is this simple letting go, a simple acceptance, a simple openness, then that is meditation.

Q:Acceptance of the moment of whatever is coming, and not to label it as good and bad and not to be fearful of anything and enjoy life …, or rather chilling; just chill. Whatever is happening is happening anyway, so why not just enjoy it.

A:This is meditation. Let everything come and go. Don’t label anything as good or bad. Like you said, don’t have any concept of anything. When a concept comes (because it will, from time to time because our conditions are so deep, these concepts will come) then don’t beat yourself up over that. ‘Oh, the Master has said that no concept should come, but now I have been playing with concepts again. I am so unworthy, I am so bad.’ These are more concepts. These are the ‘desserts.’ If that initial concept was just salad, can we take more calories with the dessert of unworthiness, guilt and all these ideas?

Every moment is fresh. I say that you have the best cleaning lady in your service. Who is that cleaning lady? It is God. He has cleaned up everything. In this moment, you are completely immaculate. But if you think about it, then… [Laughs]

God is Here …, if left un-judged. Otherwise it can seem personal. Initially, because it is like an addiction, it might seem like that there are some withdrawal symptoms. It may feel like ‘I’m a bit lost.’ Somebody was saying the other day that there is a feeling of being lost in space or something like that. But these are also notions. That ‘I am lost’ is a notion. The Truth of You can never actually be lost. Only when you identify yourself to be ‘something’ can you have the idea of lost or found. Can we say that space in this room got lost? We can’t say that.

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Tvam Karta Tvam Bhokta

You Are the Doer and the Experiencer

[Reading from chat]: “Confused, as I could not get an answer. Then what to do next?”

Yes, my dear. [Chuckles] This idea of ‘doer-ship’ depends so deeply on this notion of ‘me’ and the notion of ‘me’ depends so strongly on the notion of ‘doer-ship.’ It is like many have come to me; many in the past five years have asked this question ‘I see, Father, that I am not the doer any more, so now what should I do?’ [Laughter in Sangha] You see, this is the thing. [Chuckles] ‘I see, Father, that there is nobody here to do anything, so what is next?’ It is so compulsive, this idea of ‘doer ship.’

This waking state is the realm of activity. All activities are happening anyway. I cannot find who is moving these hands. They are moving, na? So, this movement is happening. Now we pick up the idea that there is an individual entity sitting here; without any evidence of this entity, we picked up this idea that there is an individual doer. It seems that is arrogance. What ‘God’ can do, but ‘I’ can also do. Then it cannot be true that ‘All is the will of Consciousness.’ Then all must be the will of ‘Consciousness and you’ or ‘you and Consciousness’ (whatever you give predominance to). Then Advaita cannot be true. [Advaita means] ‘Not two.’ Then there are ‘not two. Then we cannot make this division of ‘God’ and ‘me.’

And the best part is that we don’t have any tangible experience of this ‘me.’ The one who has these four problems (body, money, relationship, freedom) where is that one? We have never had the experience of it. In fact, to the extent that for many years now I have said ‘I will give a thousand dollars to anyone who can produce this person.’ [Smiles]

The one who has money in the bank account, which one is that?

The one who had a problem at work, which one is that?

[Someone says]: The individual.

A:‘The individual.’ But is there such a thing? See, it is not there. So, it’s strange that we live our life in allegiance to that non-existent one …, and we’re in complete denial of That which always

Is. You see, that is what is happening. We are living mostly in allegiance to the one we cannot find. Because we can say ‘ego, a person’ …, yet, we have looked and have not found.

What have we found? We have found that there is a simple, natural Existence Here. This Existence (‘I Am’) this we live in denial of. We say ‘This is individual, this is personal.’ But This has no boundary.

Can you show me the boundary to your Existence? To your Being?

In fact, You Are. And within That, all this play of a world and all that happens.

But we are in denial of this truth. And we are in allegiance to something which just doesn’t exist. It is just made up. And the funny thing is that it is easy to come to this sort of denial because

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everybody can say ‘But am not egoistic. My neighbour; he is egoistic or she is egoistic.’ [Smiles] ‘I am not egoistic’. Then if you go ahead and ask this one ‘But you believe yourself to be a person?’ he will say ‘Of course. What do you mean?’ That separation, that belief that ‘I am an individual entity’ is ego. And it is only a belief. There is no substance to it.

[Someone says]: “He is doing all of this.”

A:Yes, with Himself; with Himself. You see, the thing is that it is okay to start with ‘He is doing this to me.’ It is fine. But the fact is that true surrender means ‘tvam karta, tvam bhokta.’ [You are the doer and You are the experiencer]

Surrender is not ‘tvam karta’ [You are the doer] ‘mein bhokta.’ [I am the experiencer] It can start like that. It’s auspicious; it’s fine. It can start with a prayer of surrender ‘Please, God, You are doing everything.’ But many times, when we do this kind of surrender, we do it with one eye open. Like ‘You are doing everything, but I am watching you, okay? Do not mess this up!’ [Chuckles] [Laughter in the room]

So, this idea of surrender (especially in India, I have seen that this is very popular) where everyone is saying ‘Oh, I have been so devoted to You. But then You did this! You made this mess in my life!’ You see, this kind of thing. So, that is what? ‘Tvam karta, mein bhokta’ [Chuckles] which means ‘You are the doer, but I am the experiencer.’ But true surrender means ‘You are the doer; You are experiencing YourSelf.’

God is playing with Himself, as Himself. So, if this is Krishna’s leela and then only Krishna is experiencing it.

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It’s Too Simple for the Mind to Comprehend

[Reading from chat]: “I’m scared of my thoughts, they bring fear. Even if a happy thought comes, I’m scared of them, too. I can’t trust them anymore. I feel like I am lost.”

Something will become very simple if you hear what I’m going to say:

All confusion, all frustration, is about who you are.

It is not about the content of your thoughts; it is about who you are.

Now when you say ‘I’m scared of my thoughts’ what is this ‘I’ that you are referring to yourself as? This ‘I’ which is scared of your thoughts is also just a thought construct, you see? Because if I ask you in this moment ‘Can you produce the one who is scared of his thoughts?’ you won’t find it.

So, then this becomes like a vicious cycle. ‘I’m scared of my thoughts, they bring fear’ and then we fear the arising of fear. But actually, your nature is more spacious than this space itself. Now, in this space, whether there is fire burning, whether there is something ice cold, is the Space concerned about that? No, you see? So, everything can come and everything can go. You are that space in which this space is coming. Unless you confuse yourself to be a limited entity. If you believe yourself to be a limited entity, then all of these things can come; like fear.

So, I would say that if you have really truly boarded the Guru train, then don’t fear this fear, to start with. In fact, now you invite this fear and say ‘Come. Mr. Fear, you come. I’m here in Satsang with the Master. You please tell me what you can do.’ Then you will find this fear is nothing but a jumping energy. It can’t do anything to You because You are more spacious than space.

But if you consider yourself to be ‘something’ then that ‘something’ can always be attacked. But to consider yourself to be something is hard work. And maybe now you are tired of this hard work.

So, leave it. Because You are Here Now and You that ‘Here Now’ is God Itself, is the most enlightened Being you will ever meet, is Your own Presence Now, uncontaminated by judgment.

The mind will come and tell you ‘But it can’t be this simple; but I have struggled for so long, it can’t be this simple to be free.’ But it actually is too simple for the mind to comprehend.

The ‘I’ that feels it is lost, can you produce it?

The ‘I’ that feels it is lost or it is fearful or that something happens to it, where is it? Where is this ‘I’?

Can you produce this one?

That is the question.

[Reading from chat]: “The ‘I’ is what I have believed so far. I feel it; my body, my mind.”

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So, let’s go really slowly. Firstly, because something has been believed for a long time doesn’t make it true. And for a long time, there was a belief that all the planets and all the stars are revolving around the earth and the earth is one flat object. And then it was discovered that this is not the case. So, a belief system being carried for a long time doesn’t make it true.

Secondly, (this part is good) you say ‘I feel it; the body, the mind.’ Now, the ‘I’ that feels the body … (and what is the body? Just experiences; a set of sensations, isn’t it? Like a visual perspective and a set of sensations) … which space is this sensation happening in? You see? Where is all of this happening? And does that have a boundary?

Then you said ‘My mind.’ Now, mind is what? Just when there is a thought, we call that mind. When there is no thought, we call that no-mind. So, that which comes and goes cannot be I. This set of sensations; these sensations alone cannot be I. Because the sensations are also constantly changing.

[Reading from chat]: “The pain I feel.” you say.

But the pain is also not constant. Sometimes there is pain, sometimes there is pleasure. Otherwise, you would not be able to say there is pain.

So very good. [Reading from chat]: You say “I am aware of it.”

So, this ‘I’ that is aware of it, what is happening to that one?

You say [Reading from chat]: “Even that keeps fluctuating.”

Okay. So, suppose the light in this room was to fluctuate. If I was going along with the fluctuation, every time the light went off, if I was not there, would I be able to say it is fluctuating? No. I have to be a constant witness to notice the change happening, only then can I say something is fluctuating. Isn’t it? So, to be the witness of this change, to be the witness of the coming of the waking state, the going of it; the coming of the dream state, the going of it; the coming of the deep sleep state where there is nothing and the going of it …, who is that witness? Who remains untouched? … by the coming and going of this body? … by these mental thoughts?

All of this, does somebody witness it?

Or does something witness it?

Is it a body or a thing?

[Reading from chat]: “It is always there, I know, the one that witnesses.”

Now, the minute you say ‘It is there’ we have made a distance between ourself and it. Where are you in relation to it?

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Now, if you were to say ‘It is there’ you must be aware of it to make that report that it is there. That which is aware of even it, which one is that one?

[Reading from chat]: “That’s not me.”

Then who is it? If the one that is aware is not you, then who is aware?

[Reading from chat]: “I don’t feel it.”

It’s not a feeling. It is beyond any perception that you can have; it is beyond any concept and any experience. When I ask you if you are aware now …, this awareness is not a feeling, it’s not a perception, and it is not a concept. What is it?

[Reading from chat]: “I don’t feel it as I Am.”

So, this ‘I’ that doesn’t feel it …, which one is that? Can you identify that?

[Reading from chat]: “The body and mind, which I believe.”

You just have to investigate rather than just going along with just a belief. Many of your beliefs about yourself have been false, isn’t it? Beliefs you had 10 years ago about who you were turned out to be false. Then you will say ‘No, no, I used to believe that but now I believe this.’ So, that has changed.

If you just go along with what you already believe, then Satsang is not that place where you come to get reinforcement of what you already believe. When you come to Satsang, you have to be open to be confronted about what you believe. I cannot tell you what I am saying if you continue to hold onto your belief about who you are because what I am saying is completely in opposition to this belief system of limitation.

So, the question then is: Are you willing for one moment to be open to the idea that you don’t know who you are?

[Reading from chat]: “I am open.”

Very good. Because actually, it is more accurate that you don’t know who you are. But we shy away from this because we have been taught to believe or to consider ourself to be a body, a mind.

Now, a set of perceptions are appearing. All these perceptions are there. What forces you to draw a boundary and say ‘Only this perception is me and everything else is outside me’?

And as I was saying (and I’ve said this often): We have been taught this as children, that ‘This is you. This is your head, this is your nose.’ A child does not distinguish between his hand and a toy until he’s taught to do so.

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[Reading from chat]: “Should I do something to be open?”

No. Don’t do something to be closed. [Chuckles] Don’t do something to be closed. Open is your natural state.

In fact, ‘open’ is one of my favorite words ever. Open. Because in that one word, most of what is being shared in Satsang is there. Because the false is just a resistance; is a closed-ness.

[Reading from chat]: “This body is in my direct Awareness. I sense the world through this body, even though it is not me. Would this be correct to say?”

In a way, it is fine to say this …, in the sense that when we have a dream, even a daydream right now, then we can conceptualize a world where there is a body and the visuals are coming through that body’s eyes, through that body’s ears. But that whole world (which seems as endless as this world) as the dream, where does that appear? On which screen is the dream world? And although in the dream-story there can be a body which seems like the central character, and when the dream is on, it might feel like we’re perceiving that dream through the senses of that body …, but where is it actually? That is why so many have these out-of-body experiences, all kinds of experiences, even in this so-called waking state where it seems like even this body is being perceived from a distance.

[Reading from chat]: “Teach me to be open.”

[Smiles] We have unfortunately been taught how to close ourselves. So, the teaching which neutralizes all other teaching, the Knowing which neutralizes all other knowing, is what I’m trying to offer to all of you: to get empty of all concepts about yourself, which is naturally Here, Right Now, as Openness. One moment of notion-less-ness is enough.

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To Get Freedom, We Have to Give Freedom

[Repeating a question]: She says that in a relationship there is a particular projection that somebody wants her to play. But she is not that. She doesn’t want to dance to that projection.

So, what can happen is that you might have a version of you. Like he has a version which he wants you to play and you have a version of you. And if you are coming to Satsang, that means that version of you is dissolving. Now you don’t have this ‘me’ version. So, his projection only meets some empty space. [Makes a gesture of one hand meeting space] As it meets empty space, then what happens in the body of this one is okay; this way or that way. Whether it lives up to his projections or not it is irrespective. [Chuckles] But as long as you are not holding tightly to a version of yourself then it is fine. Because like in Hindi they say ‘Two hands are required to clap.’ So, if a hand is meeting air [Makes a gesture of one hand trying to clap]: there is nothing. It must be meeting another idea of you [Makes gesture of two hands meeting] if there is a clash. So, he has one version of you, you have a version of you; no two versions ever match anyway. And they keep changing also, (our version about ourselves keep changing) like after this trip to India you might have a different version of yourself. That is constantly changing.

But what is being pointed out to you in Satsang is that this version is purely imaginary. There is no such entity who is that ‘me.’ So, then his projection has nowhere to land. Sometimes, that can end up in irritating more or being more frustrating, which is possible. But also, we must not constantly be on this idea that ‘I know what’s good for him is not to have a version of me’. Because that is your version of him anyway. It can seem completely plausible because, after all, ‘he has a version of me.’ But often I say that ‘Actually, to get freedom, we have to give as much freedom as possible.’ This freedom is not like you will get it; it is giving. As you have given freedom to everything, you will be free. So, allow the world to be as deluded as they want but nothing forces you to pick up a delusion. Allow the partner to have as much projection as he likes because the world will sort that out. The nature of this play is that it sorts it all out for everyone. But once you get involved in that play with your projections of him and what projections of he should have or not then it becomes [messy]. Any relationship, you see?

Q: Then there is a tug of war that it should be this way or that way.

A:That is called relationship. [Laughs] Tug of war is a part of it. As much as possible, just see if you can meet every moment fresh. When you meet him, see if you can be fresh about it. I know it can sound like a Sadhana almost. [Smiles] One came to Guruji [Sri Mooji] many years ago and

Guruji still talks about it. She said ‘Mooji, I know completely now that I am not real but I just can’t accept the fact that my husband is not real!’ [Laughter] So it’s like this: ‘Aham Brahman Asmi’ but husband…, ‘husband Asmi.’ [Laughter] And like I was saying earlier, it is never about another actually. It might seem like it (especially in these close relationships) that ‘This is definitely about another.’ But it really isn’t. It is only about us having the expectation that if he could change this way or if he did not have this. But you drop what he should be. These are very, very deeply embedded conditions; especially when there are children involved and there are others involved; it could be very deeply embedded conditions. But it is my job to point them out.

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Father, What Is Your Experience of the World?

[Reading from the chat]: “Father, what is your experience about the world you see? When you look in the mirror and see a body, what do you see? Do you have a complete disconnect from it?”

‘What is your experience about the world you see?’ I see that this world arises when I perceive it; it is there. Now, I see no way to actually make distinctions within it. Like why should one object be called primarily ‘me’ and another object ‘not me’? I see that this mouth is moving and I can hear that words are coming out of this mouth; the same way that the head is nodding. It is part of the same experience. So, I remember that there was a very deep conditioning that only this which is said from here is mine and what is said from there is another. That is (I do not want to say ‘gone’ but) mostly not there. So, I have to say that it is more that this experience comes and this experience goes within My Being. But I cannot find a way to limit Myself. Like you said about the mirror; even here, there is a mirror in front so there is an image. And of course, there are conditions about this image and conditions about memories about this image but that is more and more gone. It is just another image arising. Like this hand is another image arising. I find no reason to say ‘This is my hand and that is not my hand.’

Conversationally, of course, still it continues. But in reality, if you were to ask me, I would say that all of this is My Being. In fact, this whole apparent arising is My Body. Why should I make a segregation with my body and say that only this is my body? This entire thing is My Body.

So, in fact, I would not say that there is complete a disconnect from it. I would say that I am deeply connected to all of this; like there is no distinction, no separation. All of this is Me. But this is not the entirety of what I am. All that is (this apparent appearing) although it is ‘I’ it is not completely what I am because I see that That which is aware of all of this is beyond all of these and that is also ‘I.’

So, although (and that is like an elephant in this room, where I am using that term [‘I’] differently) it is like: I am this body, I am this couch, I am this table, I am this space in which all of this is contained …, but I am way beyond all of this as well; That which is beyond any phenomena, beyond any limitation.

So, that we can include everything in Our spaciousness. But when we invite That which in non- phenomenal, that which is the unchanging witness of all that is changing, the non-phenomenal, the Absolute Self (and although That has no dimensions) I have to say that That is the greater part of Me. This is the ephemeral movement of oceans on My surface; all of this. But the greater part of Me is That which is beyond this phenomenon, beyond this movement.

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To Be Happy, You Don’t Need Anything

See, what has happened is that we’ve made most moments of our life as if we are standing at a cross-road. ‘Should I go left, should I go right, should I go straight, back?’ If I tell you that I have no such instruction for you, even that you will make an instruction out of, which will say ‘Ah! Then I’m supposed to be exactly where I am.’ But I’m not even saying that. Neither left nor right nor stay where you are. Then?

Q: It’s not funny.

A:[Laughs] A little bit. Many times, my children, they have this like angry face. So, what is the conclusion? The conclusion is that ‘So, what am I doing here? I don’t know anything. I have not understood.’ So, what makes these ‘bad’ conclusions? What makes these bad conclusions; like, ‘I don’t know anything, I haven’t understood’ …, why is that a bad thing?

Q: It doesn’t feel good. It feels like…

A: Yeah, feels like…?

Q:Feels lost. It’s not fun when you don’t know what’s up or down or what’s going on. It’s not fun. Like you say it so blissfully. It’s really not like that!

A:So, to not-know, is not fun? Is that ultimately what you’re saying?

Q:Yeah. It’s very annoying! Like, I don’t even know what it is to not-know!

A:Can you be annoyed, without knowing anything?

Q:Yeah, that’s why I’m saying I don’t know even what it is ‘not to know.’ I don’t know what it

is.

A:Yeah. So, as Papaji [Sri Poonjaji] said (because he is looking at you with a big smile right now from there) what he said is that ‘To be happy, you don’t need anything. To be sad or unhappy, you definitely need something’. Is this true? Or no? What is he saying actually? It’s a very simple statement but he is saying that in our original nature, in our emptiness, there is a natural just openness; whether you call it joy or happiness or whatever. But to become unhappy, you cannot do it without a concept. Is it true? Or no? [Silence] That’s a yes? Or no? So, then when you are frustrated or annoyed or angry, what is the concept behind that? What is the main message?

Q: That ‘I’m never going to get what he is saying to me.’

A: The main message is that ‘I’m never going to get what he is saying.’

Q:Because I heard everything; whatever Papaji [Sri Poonjaji] is saying or you. What are they trying to say, you know? What are you trying to say?

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A:[Smiles] All that I am saying is only meant to remove what you think you know. So, it is not a teaching, as Guruji [Sri Mooji] said. Like Papaji said ‘We’re not here to teach. We are not here to create a new religion. We’re not here to propagate a philosophy.’ But what has been found is that every time I had a concept about myself, that was the gateway to a problem, to suffering.

And for some reason, we want to share that: that everything that you think you are ‘right’ about or everything you think you ‘know’ is only causing misery. Empty of that, what is Here originally?

Like, to be bothered by something you have to think about it; even Now. Like, Right Now you couldn’t tell me, if I say ‘Right Now, Right Now; Right Now, what is bothering you?’ You’d be like ‘Give me a moment. [Acts like he is thinking] Ah! This is bothering me.’ See, this is exactly what happened in the conversation. But what is naturally Here? That must not be bothered, originally, then.

So, when I say ‘Okay, what is bothering you Right Now, Right Now, Right Now?’ …

Q: Nothing.

A:Nothing. But did you stop existing Now?

Q:No.

A:Now, you are Here? Or no? You are Here Now also. Now, Here, also. Unbothered. To be bothered, you need a concept.

Now, you might think that ‘One day I’ll come to Satsang and I’ll come across the most brilliant jewel of a concept; the best concept! And when I’ll have that, then I’ll say yes! I finally understood! This is it!’ But that is not it. This, which is naturally originally Here, is It.

Q: What is this? Who is this Self? I don’t understand.

A:Just like the mirror cannot understand what it is reflecting, in the same way the mind cannot understand or capture in any way what This Is. So, if you refer to that, there is frustration; like this.

Q: Refer to the mind?

A:If you refer to that mirror to say (okay, you ask the mirror) ‘Mirror, you are reflecting so much. Please tell me what you are reflecting.’ The mirror is just sitting quietly. It doesn’t know. In the same way, this mind is like that. It’s a tiny instrument which cannot capture This.

Q: What is This?

A: It cannot capture It. So, your question wants an answer for that.

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Q: The mind wants an answer?

A: Yes. Yes. Without that, you’re existing, no?

Q: Yes.

A: What knows that?

Q: I feel like I answer because you gave me the answer.

A:Okay, so without any of that …, you noticed it. So, you say ‘Okay, I’ve been making this mistake. I feel like I answer because I’ve heard another concept in Satsang, that’s why I’m saying this.’ So, I’ll ask you something and see if you can be fresh about it.

Can you stop being?

Like, try to stop being.

Don’t be.

You did it?

Stopped being?

Q:It’s the worst, you know.

A:That’s a concept.

Q:You can’t even stop being!

A:Can’t…[laughs] Why is that the worst? It’s the best.

Q: How?

A: Because the Being remains untouched.

Q: I’m so confused, I want to just stop being! Really… [Crying]

A:What’s the problem with just Being? It’s your ‘figurer’ which is crying. You know, the figurer? Because you’re not able to figure it out, it can seem frustrating. Okay, if you’re expectations were to be met, what would that be?

Q:Okay, like I messaged you also: What is this? Like if you tell me, logically ‘I’m not this skin. I’m not this hair; I can’t say Meera is hair, I can’t say Meera is skin.’

A: Not skin, not hair. Correct.

Q:Meera is not bones. Bones is not what Meera is. [inaudible] Blood is not what Meera is. But, why do I feel like I am a set of these sensations still?

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A: You feel like that? Or do you believe that?

Q: Believe. Believe. I believe that fully, Father. Fully.

A:If it was ‘fully-fully’ then it would never go. But it goes Now. You say that ‘I believe that fully.’ If it was fully, then why did you have to bring it back? It is gone, no? Actually? As much as you might hate me for saying this right now [Chuckles] the fact is that what you’re saying right now (that you believe fully) is not true. Right Now, what are you? You believe yourself to be your hair, you skin, your bones; what?

Q: No, but I feel like I’m a set of all these

A: Right Now? Naturally? Naturally, like Now. [Snaps fingers] Now, naturally you believe it?

No, you need a moment of time to pick up a concept about it. Therefore, it’s not ‘fully.’

Q:Yes, I had to think about it.

A:Yes, exactly.

Q: I had to ask myself ‘What do you think of this?’ and then I say.

A: Yes. Yes. Exactly. Therefore, it’s not ‘fully.’ You still need to refer to something, no?

Q: Then what am I?

A: Yes, then what are you Here Now, without a concept of ‘you’?

Q: [Crying]

A:Yes, it’s okay to cry, in the sense that if it just those tears of frustration that ‘I cannot get it’ it is completely fine.

Q:[Crying] Feel like breaking everything. Feel so pissed off! Oh God! [Sobbing]

A:Yeah.

Q:This is not satisfying, this ‘nothing.’ Whatever, just Being. What the hell! It’s like: What is it!? What? What is this?

A:And If I keep saying that there is no answer, and you keep getting more frustrated, will that bring this [frustration] to its end; this primitive need to understand what This is; that nobody can tell you what This is?

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Q:So, what are we doing in Satsang? We must be coming to Satsang to understand something, no?

A: No. [Chuckles]

Q: Then what are we coming for?!

A:Because we’ve understood many things in the past but nothing that we’ve really understood has lasted or given you that (what you said) satisfaction.

Q: What are we doing here?

A:To See whether to be empty of this conceptual understanding itself could be It. See, every place in the world is selling you a concept, selling you an idea about yourself (‘You’re God, you’re this, you’re that’). Now, sometimes I don’t feel like poisoning my children. Is that a bad thing? Poisoning means I don’t want to give you any additional concept about yourself because it is only the concepts that trouble you.

And you say ‘So, then what am I doing here?’ What you’re doing here is to be rid of whatever your baggage is that you’re already carrying. And it hurts, in a way, because you’re not…

See, what has happened? We went from first standard to second standard, second standard to third standard and we felt like we’re making progress. So, you came here and you’ve been told that everything you believe is nonsense. But you’ve not been given an opposing belief; you’ve not been given something else that you feel like ‘Now I’ve graduated.’ You’ve not gone from beginner-level-seeker to advanced-level-seeker to super-advanced-seeker because that’s how those things can feel encouraging. ‘Okay, I was at level one, now I have come to level two; I was at this chakra, now I’m at this chakra; I was here, now I’m here.’ These kinds of things can feel like there’s a constant idea of graduating; you feel like first standard to second standard then on to college to university to PhD. Now, I’m saying all that you learned is nonsense, but I have nothing new to tell you. Then? And then, what is the resistance? ‘Then what am I doing here?’

Does our life have to become that we have to come from place to place and gotten newer and newer concepts? Or can we now be taught how to let go of everything that we think? We’ve been taught at every place how to think and what to think. Now you come to this strange place where we’re saying ‘Forget it! It’s all a sham.’

Q:This voice of ‘So, then what to do?’ it’s haunting. Its haunting. ‘Now, what to do? What to do?’

A:It’s haunting? See, the dog is chasing the car, but when the car stops and says ‘Okay, what do you want to do?’ …, what does the dog do? You invite this voice to haunt you. You say ‘Okay, Mr. Voice, you haunt me. Let’s see how you haunt.’ Try it. See how it will haunt you.

Q: It does get me thinking. If I say ‘Now what to do?’ like what you’re saying…

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A:Yeah, so you say that. You invite it; you remain. Invite this voice: ‘You’re saying ‘Now what to do? Now what to do? Now what to do?’

How is it haunting you? Like a tantrum-throwing child. It will keep jumping and saying ‘What to do?! What to do?! What to do?!’ It might even close its breathing and become blue and red and green; whatever. But does That which witnesses this tantrum-throwing child …, is That really touched, actually?

Q: Who is this?

A: Which one? The tantrum-throwing child?

Q: The one who is not getting it. The tantrum one I can see.

A:The same one who is not getting it is the tantrum-throwing one. The one who is looking at this: Does it want to get something? The voice is there saying ‘What to do? What next? I’m not getting it. I should be getting it!’ …, all of that. That which witnesses it or perceives this, what is it saying?

Q: Nothing.

A:Which one are you? Originally? [Silence] Sometimes this voice says ‘Yes, yes, this is so nice. Satsang is the best thing, Father, the best thing!’ And sometimes it says ‘What are we doing here? What’s the point? I am just your worst student! I’m not getting anything.’ So, this content keeps changing. Does the Witness also keep changing?

Q: I don’t know this Witness, I think.

A:Yes. And yet you know that you’re witnessing it, no? ‘You don’t know it’ means you don’t have a concept of it. That’s why I’m trying to tell you that you cannot conceptualize this Truth.

Q: It’s very frustrating.

A:That’s also a concept; because also a thought could have come saying ‘It’s very freeing.’

Q:Yeah…

A:And then you would say ‘It’s very freeing’

Q:That’s the whole problem…

A:And then sometimes it says ‘It’s very frustrating.’

Q:I’m believing this every time, like, it’s so nice…

A:This is also ‘you’re believing.’

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Q: What do I do? Keep quiet?

A: [Laughs] No, not even that. Not even that because that is also a position.

Let this come and go. You don’t serve it tea.

Don’t have any expectations from anything at all.

Don’t judge anything to be anything at all.

Now what is there?

Don’t conclude. Just look.

You know what I mean?

Don’t conclude. Just look.

Q: Look where?

A: Not even conclude where to look. Let’s say: Let the looking happen. You don’t buy any conclusions.

[Silence]

Possible? Or no? [Chuckles] Even that we don’t have to conclude. But it’s good. [Silence] Okay, I want to give you some conclusions [Chuckles] but I’m observing that habit. The Father sitting there is wanting to come and say ‘See, there you will find peace.’ Something it wants to conclude like that. But for a while, even without that.

Q: This is very nice. Not to look anywhere. Just let the looking…

A: Like I said, to keep your attention fully free, always.

Q: Like, not even look within; then automatically you go in. It’s very easy.

A:And whatever inquiry needs to happen in a focused manner in that way, you also don’t need to pick it up. Because you are in Satsang most of the days so the words are automatically directing it (whatever needs to happen, if there is such a thing).

That is the meaning of ‘Getting on the Guru train.’ Na? Like, getting on the Guru train and then trying to pass the exam is not the point; then trying to push the compartment so that the train moves faster. See, all that can’t happen.

All our ideas of effort are pointless. Effort and non-effort, both are pointless ideas.

That moment in which you leave yourself unjudged, in that moment, you are the most enlightened Being in this universe. In that moment you’re the most enlightened Being in this universe …, that moment of concept-less Existence, notion-less Existence.

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The moment you try to add an ‘and’/ ‘but’/ ‘if’ then that becomes personal again. It’s like ‘This is very good, and I am really getting it’. Then our specialness comes in. But this will also go. You know, it can be anything. It doesn’t need any appending.

This is Is-ness, already.

We don’t need to add ‘It is that’ or ‘It is this’ or ‘It is anything’ or ‘It is something.’

Is-ness is just Here.

(We don’t even need to say ‘Just Here.’)

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To Not-Know Is Better

It can just feel like ‘Come on! It can’t be let go of it that easily because I have been holding onto this before Satsang and for so long and if now he is smiling at me and if I just smile back then what is that whole thing for?’ [Chuckles] It can be like this. [Laughs] It’s like we feel too silly to admit that nothing has actually happened, that everything is absolutely fine. [Laughs] We just feel like ‘But then what about all those protestations; what about these things?’ [Laughs] It just feels like that. It can feel like that.

The thing is that you cannot ever, ever, ever truly convince me that something happened. [Chuckles] You can’t truly convince me, moment-to-moment. If there’s an accident or something like, of course, some worry might come here also. I’m not saying something is here super- spacious all the time. But if you were to truly ask me ‘Are you ever really convinced that something happened?’ …, because it is not a mental conviction. I’m not mentally convinced that nothing can ever happen because if it is just a mental conviction then it will get shaken up. It is a deeper insight that nothing has ever really happened. But you say ‘This …, this is true, this is happening to me and I am this, I am that.’ I know that you are God. You don’t need to use that term or give it power yet; but I know you are ‘All There Is’ because I am ‘All There Is’ and there are no two here. So, I can never be convinced that something can happen to anyone.

And I enjoy it [Chuckles] in the sense that if you are getting frustrated, if you are upset, if all your concepts about yourself you are feeling they are worthless and whatever you have heard in Satsang is also worthless, it’s not a bad thing necessarily. I am not encouraging that because I can see that even that can become a position. Like some can come and they are like ‘Oh, no, no, this is like this and this is like that and I have not really understood’ but it is coming from a place of position. But this one, it is coming from a place of just pure frustration, just crying, crying and like ‘What I am doing, but I love you, I don’t know what’ …, all confusing. [Chuckles] This is very good because we know that there is nothing in our mind that we can really rely upon. It’s very good in that way. [Chuckles]

Q: It’s very scary.

A:It can feel scary, it can feel fearful. But it’s actually nothing because nothing has happened to

You in all of this. The mind is throwing a big tantrum. But what does that have to do with You?

Q: But I was always feeling that there is something like ‘full’ realization.

A:Forget realization; full, half, one fourth, [Laughs] a little, a lot. You are on the Guru train? Let the destination be up to me then. If you board the train of the Master and then you say ‘I must direct where this train will go’ then something is still trying to be more Master than the Master. If you have to get in the train and tell the engine driver where this train should go, then the engine driver will say ‘You, come. [Laughs] Why do you call me driver then? You drive.’ You have boarded the bus. If you know if it has to go to awakening, then awakening level two, then half realization, then full realization …, [Chuckles] if you have already decided that these are the stops that should come along the way then you need not be directed.

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Roadmap: throw it away.

All our concepts (even that we have heard from the best books), throw it away. What is happening to you? No idea.

Where are you going? No idea. Am I getting freedom? No idea. Is Ananta free? No idea.

Is he just brainwashing me? No idea. [Chuckles] Is this all a joke? No idea.

See; all these doubts will come. ‘Is he just messing with us? [Laughter] Is he for real or is he just messing with us and what is his level of freedom anyway?’ Like have I ever said ‘I am fully realized’? So, how do you know that you will get fully realized sitting with me? I have never said ‘I am fully realized.’

All these doubts will come. I am just saying them out loud. They will come and they will push your buttons. ‘You know that day he said he likes orange chocolate? Is a fully free Master supposed to like orange chocolates?’ In your moments like that when you’re frustrated, the mind uses that opportunity for guerrilla warfare and will throw all possible doubts at you. ‘Do you really know? Because this one said like that and that one said after this there will be this and there will come full realization.’

What do we really know? That is what I’m questioning relentlessly. And the mind is bound to hate that; mind is bound to hate it because I’m like ‘not this, not this, not this, not this.’ … ‘That?’ ‘Not that also.’ [Chuckles]

No concept of the Self is worthy of the Self.

No concept of the Self is worthy of the Self but we end up worshipping these concepts thinking it is the Self. And it feels like’ I’m actually on the ‘me train’ and the Guru should come as the Station Master giving me directions’ then that doesn’t work. We have to get completely on the Guru train. The Guru is not a Station Master. You cannot say ‘Yes, yes, You are It; you are my Master. But give me freedom my way.’ This ‘me’ has to be forgotten about. Like who could get full realization? Meera should? Meera doesn’t exist. We have a concept that ‘Am I getting full realization?’ or ‘I have gotten full realization.’ Both are as just as bad. [Chuckles] ‘Full realization’ …, so who is this? Who should get it? Or who is not getting it?

Don’t know, na? Don’t know is better. But to know is trouble. Like you can admit here in this safe space of Satsang that we don’t know a damn thing?

Mostly I will reassure you by saying ‘That is true Knowing.’ [Chuckles] But not that is ‘true Knowing’ but in your conceptual not-knowing, your True Knowingness is apparent to you. Whether you like it or not, it is. But you cannot translate it, you cannot make a photocopy of it and that is what is frustrating you. Because if you ask ‘What did you discover?’ you don’t have a concept for it. ‘What does he mean by ‘the Truth is apparent to you?’ You cannot explain it [Chuckles] because in the explaining of it, it is the photocopy; it is not it. So, when I say ‘When you are empty of your notions about yourself, your complete Truth is completely apparent to

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you’ and somebody else comes and says ‘Okay, fine, what did you discover?’ … ‘Nothing.’ Because it is not translatable to this. [Points to mind] So, your protestations ‘What is this? What am I really understanding?’ is coming from this instrument which cannot get it.

Like, can you explain to Siri [Information robot] what it means to live? You can give it the best concepts; you can give it all the best poems from all the best Sages based on all the things. But it is just speaking conceptually. You might program Siri to give you an answer ‘Siri, what is life?’ and it says ‘Life is like this, it is this existence’ …, something. But does that mean that Siri has now understood what life is? It cannot understand. So, this one is just like that; this mind is just like that. It can never actually understand anything. It only has terms.

So, when you say ‘I haven’t actually understood anything’ for me that is music to my ears. For you it is frustrating. [Laughs] If you haven’t understood anything then give up on this mental understanding. There is a deeper Knowingness, deeper understanding, which doesn’t need the affirmation from the mind.

Okay, you did not understand anything; what of value went away? Nothing of value went away. Even your breathing is still here. Your heart is still beating. [Chuckles] Your Existence is here, your Presence, beyond all of these things, is Here. So, what of value went away because you have found out that you have not understood anything? Nothing valuable ever leaves.

We have given nonsense value. We have made valuable things out of that which never had value and we have collected them in the basket of concepts. And now when we see it is all rubbish, when we are looking back, it can feel bad. I am not denying it. If for fifty years we have been collecting what we thought is the best understanding and we have put that in a basket and now we say ‘Okay, so much of my life passed by. Let me see what my collection is?’ and we look [Makes gesture of picking out things from basket and throwing away] …, it’s garbage, nonsense; it is not even recyclable. It can feel bad. ‘What have I been doing all these years?’

At least you come to this beautiful point where you see that it is not anything valuable. When you drop this basket, now what is there? It cannot be captured; cannot be conceptualized.

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True Knowledge Is the Dropping of the False

A:‘What did you get?’ depends upon what do you mean by ‘you.’ You said ‘What did you get as a result of all this?’ That depends upon what you mean by ‘you.’ The non-existent one probably got frustration but the Real You unburdened itself from all of this garbage. Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharishi said ‘True Knowledge is only the dropping of the false.’ What does it mean? That means the true Knowledge (capital K ‘Knowingness’) must already be naturally present fully (if it meant just the dropping of that which is false). It is not that he said true Knowledge means once you understand what Brahman is, once you understand what ‘This’ is, once you understand what Atma is, once you understand what space is, once you understand what time is…, he didn’t say that. Then Bhagavan would have just created a curriculum and said true Knowledge means this, this, this and this. He didn’t do that. He said ‘You drop everything that is false’ which means that you don’t really know it; you claim to know. You drop all of that. True Knowledge is already there. And Bhagavan’s words are worth listening to because these are the potent pointers, the atomic ones, which blast away every bit of identity, every bit of specialness, every bit of arrogance. They blast it away. To come to this nakedness, to admit that ‘I don’t even know who I am. Forget what I am supposed to do, what I have understood. The ‘I’ at the center of all of this, I don’t know it.’

Bulle Shah, when he can sing ‘Main Kaun, main kaun’ (‘Who am I? I don’t know’) …, why do we treasure that song? If Bulle Shah had said ‘I am this, I am that, I am this and that’ would we have treasured it? Now, you are saying the same thing but you are crying about it. [Chuckles] You are saying the same thing, no? ‘I don’t who I am.’ So, why do we treasure that Sage’s song saying ‘I don’t know who I am? I don’t know if I am a Turk or an Indian, I don’t know whether I am this and that.’ And we all, centuries later, are still praising that song. You are saying the same thing as Bulle Shah is saying. Why this [pretends to cry] ‘I don’t know who I am’? What’s the trouble? So, when I am saying ‘This is music to my ears’ I mean it in that way. I don’t mean it in terms of that I like to see my friends and Sangha members and my children crying. No father likes that. It is only that you are saying such beautiful things. ‘I don’t know who I am, I don’t know where I came from, I can’t tell whether I am this head or this flesh or whatever. What is going on? I don’t know.’ It is a beautiful thing.

[Asks questioner]: What is that? Is any message there behind it? Something is there?

Q:My life is feeling good. My life is feeling the best ever in the last 6 months. I am so happy. At the same time, I find a different kind of …, something so different; unfamiliar.

A:Unfamiliar ground. There is bound to be some fear about it. You have invited me into your life because somewhere you must have said ‘I’m done with all of this nonsense.’ If you go with that question to ten thousand other spiritual places (‘Please help me. What am I?’) nine-thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-nine will be willing to give you an answer. But I don’t want to tell you any answer.

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Don’t Doubt

A:Now, I know that some things that I say are frustrating. Like I say, once you get used to not- knowing, once you start enjoying it, it’s so much fun; and your mind is saying ‘What? Fun!? This is very irritating!’ This kind of thing, you see? But somewhere it looks like, it looks to me like, you’re having some fun even with this. Like the taste of contrasting emotions, the taste of contrasting thoughts, is also fun for Consciousness somewhere [Chuckles] that’s why it’s playing with all of this. Like truly, truly, truly …, there is some joy in the frustration also. [Chuckles]

Q:That’s what I am saying. Like most of the time, I don’t even understand what you’re saying.

But still I am having a much better time feeling frustrated than I ever had in the past. It feels actually more …, like real …, like more true.

A:Authentic. This is it. To come to this point of integrity can feel very uncomfortable at times, because every day we are questioning everything that we thought; that we took for granted’ …, that ‘Life is this, God is this, Guru is this’ and the deconstruction of these concepts can feel like it is irritating because we’ve treasured them.

So, somewhere you keep saying that ‘I’m so stupid actually. I’m the worst student, I am the worst, I’ m the most stupid’ but somewhere also your mind is scared of that. It doesn’t want to be found out as really stupid. Our mind is like this; it doesn’t want to be found out. It wants something. It’s going to say like ‘No, no, but these…’ Like, this set of concepts that you have have some value. So, all of us come to this childlike foolishness, you see? Do you go to a child who is one-and-a-half years old (he doesn’t know anything) do you go to the child and say ‘You’re very stupid?’ No. But that is the standard we have; that our not-knowing anything is a stupidity. It’s just a mental concept. It’s just a standard we’ve set for ourselves.

So, when Jesus said ‘Only the babes will enter the kingdom of heaven’ then he could have said, (he should have actually said) ‘But children, these babies, small children, they’re so stupid, they cannot enter heaven! They need to be really super-smart!’ Jesus would have said ‘You need SAT score of 1600 and you need TOEFL’ … like that … ‘and you need to pass this exam to get into heaven.’ He didn’t say that. He said ‘Only the babes, the babies, will enter the kingdom of heaven.’ What does it mean? That means our chance is gone, no? We’ve grown up. If he meant it literally like that, that means we’ve grown up so our chance is gone. So, what is that return to innocence that he’s talking about? What is that apple, the bite of which Adam and Eve took? It is this knowledge, this idea, this conceptual knowledge of good and bad, right and wrong, true and false. If you forgot about true and false, what is there?

I was reading from [Nisargadatta] Maharaj the other day (just today maybe) where he said ‘What I’m doing in Satsang is to bring you to the end of all your concepts, including the concept of ‘I Am.’ Then what is left?

So, either something is seriously wrong with all of us …, [Chuckles] Maharaj, Papaji, all of us are seriously messed up and trying to do some strange mental experiments [Chuckles] or there is something to this.

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Master Bankei is saying ‘The Unborn Mind’ is the best. ALL problems, he said conclusively: ‘All problems are perfectly resolved in the Unborn Mind.’ What is the unborn mind? This notion- less existence. All problems are completely resolved in the unborn mind. He didn’t leave any room for doubt; just like ‘Guru Kripa Kevalam.’ [All is the Master’s Grace] I like these authoritative things because it’s just [makes a quick chop with his hand] finished. There’s no room for the mind to negotiate with that. Like Yogi Ramsuratkumar said ‘If God is what you want, why do you give in to the possibility of anything else?’

Q: Why?

A: [Chuckles] Forget I said that. [Laughter] Because this ‘why’ question … [Laughter]

Okay, let me put it another way: If God is what you want, don’t accept the possibility of anything else.

Like Papaji said ‘Don’t doubt.’

That’s it.

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It’s Already Dropped

Q:For mind, the concept-less is again a concept, the notion-less is again a notion.

A:Of course, of course.

Q:The mind will only think that concept-less means there is still some concept, notion-less means there is still some notion.

A: Even for this, it makes a notion.

Q: I’ve been caught in a vicious circle. How to come out of it?

A:You are out Now. You are out Now. This is the best part. You see? Unless we think. You are out Now unless you think about it. Even if you think about it, You are out, but you think otherwise. You know what I’m saying? Even if you think …, You are actually out. But you think otherwise. You think you’re caught up again. The Truth is never really caught up. But Truth has given Itself the power to think as if It is. It can seem to ItSelf as if It is a limited object …, but It actually never is.

This is apparent every Now. But the seeming-appearance of it gets clouded when we think anything actually. Because in any thought there is the notion of a ‘me.’ Even what we might say is a purely phenomenal thought like ‘The coconut is green’ …, we might have a thought ‘the coconut is green’ but very quickly, it doesn’t leave it at that. Very quickly it says ‘Ah, green. The water might not be sweet, I like sweet.’ Quickly, the ‘me’ is built up on top of it. You see? Like it can start very innocently. ‘The flowers are very beautiful. Ah, I like yellow flowers.’ The ‘I’ is waiting to be born, in a sense, using the mind. So, sometimes it gives you a teaser like that; a taster. ‘Ah, I’m seeing something very beautiful. The flowers are very beautiful, aren’t they?’ But the flowers are not becoming beautiful because of the concept ‘They are beautiful.’ The beauty is tasted irrespective of the label. In fact, with much more taste when we are empty of the concept because our attention is not dissipated between the tasting of it and the thinking of it. Our attention is fully tasting whatever appearance is there. But when we dissipate it, then it can feel like … [makes an expression of casualness] That’s why I say ‘I truly saw a flower only after meeting my Master.’

Q:The flower never thinks that is good or bad. Flower is flower.

A:Flower is not even flower. In the sense that it just Is.

Q:It just Is.

A:There is no such thing as a human or man or something, It just Is.

Q:So, the baggage is the dilemma.

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A:Yes, the make-believe baggage is the villain. Why is it make-believe? Because Right Now it is gone. You’re empty of your burdens. But I’m telling you also that we are so conditioned to believing that we are burdened that very few actually hear it when I say ‘You are empty of your burdens.’

Q:So, we keep on getting into that mode. So many years of conditioning and suddenly you say,

‘Drop!’

A:Yeah, but today I’m saying you don’t even have to drop it. See? It’s already dropped.

Q: Dropped.

A:Don’t even think ‘It’s dropped.’ See that it is already dropped. Like check Now: What burden do you have Now?

Unless you go to a thought which tells you ‘See, the burden is there’ …, it’s nothing.

Q: Yes, visualization…

A: Yes, visualization, mentating, conceptualization…

Q: Even when in meditation, I can’t get out of. I just can’t get out of it. I get caught up.

A:Okay, if I tell you the opposite, that you can never get caught up? You say ‘I cannot leave it.’ I’m saying ‘It can never catch You.’

Q: The other way around…

A: Now, you take that as your hypothesis and see which one is the truer hypothesis.

This is what the Zen Masters were saying: ‘Your Being is always ahead of your mind. It’s the poor mind which is trying to keep up with You. You are already Here, fully empty of it.’ The mind will come and say ‘But, but, but, but, but…’ [Makes a crazy movement around his head] Like that. So, which is the one that is struggling? You or the mind? If you can just See this.

We changed this construct itself [turned it] on its head. Then you See. When you identify with your mind then you are struggling. But it can never keep up with God, it can never keep up with Atma, with Being. Obviously, it is struggling.

Atma is ever fresh, ever Known, fully complete, in this moment. But if you believe the idea ‘I don’t leave it, even in my spiritual practice, I don’t leave it’ then it has caught you. This concept itself gets you. It is not true! Because this mind can never catch You.

You test this hypothesis; I’m telling you. [Chuckling] There’s nothing to escape, nothing to run from.

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Mind Is Losing Its Ground

[Reading from chat]: “Dear Father, Love. It feels like something is losing ground to stand on. Mind is throwing a tantrum of fears. Surrender it at your feet.”

Very good, very good. Mind is losing its ground and you are discovering Your un-limited Truth. This is what it is. We have this fear of this letting go of our crutches because we feel that we will fall actually. And you might feel also that you are falling. ‘I let go of the mind and see…, I listen to Ananta and see what happened? I am falling.’ You are not falling. You are flying. You thought you were crippled, that you need crutches. But the mind will come and label it as ‘Falling; lost.’ This so many have told me this in last few days. Because the expression has changed slightly here (or lot here, in a way). So many are reporting me that ‘I feel very lost.’ Because I’m not leaving you so much concepts now, that ‘You are the self, You are Awareness, You are this.’ I want that to be your own discovery rather than becoming another conceptual idea that you are picking up. So, many are reporting now. I got this report many times. ‘I feel lost. I feel like I don’t know anything.’ It is very good.

You have to confront this fear of falling.

Do not be afraid to fall.

Do not be afraid to be lost.

Because it is not true actually.

It is the fear that makes it seem real.

[Someone in Sangha says]: But this mind always, you know, is scaring all the time; the fear.

Yes, exactly. Scaring you, bribing you; it uses all tricks. [Smiles] It has a full basket of tricks to convince you that ‘You are not God. You are a limited entity.’ And at the same time saying that ‘Everything is God; there is only one God.’ It is full of contradictions and we have lived in belief of all these contradictions.

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What Is It That Is Without an Opposite?

Q:I wish to expose something, Father. Firstly, thank you for everything. I’m so grateful to you.

Really grateful. [Emotional silence] This place of not-knowing which you are showing is really nice. Really nice. Really not-knowing. Nothing special, but it’s just really nice. [Tearfully] I am really grateful to you. [Holds hands with Anantaji] There are some concepts I still get caught by. That also is fine because I don’t need to hide anything. I don’t wish to hide from any concept,

Father. I just don’t wish to carry anything anymore, you know? Just don’t wish to carry anything. It’s so clear; it is only your Grace which is doing everything. This ‘I’ can’t do it. So, I can’t make a strategy for anything, Father. I want to give up the strategies, actually. Mostly, I want to give up the strategies, Father. There is nothing worth holding onto, Father. Nothing. Nothing …, (even if my mind gives me many reasons to hold onto them). Mostly I am just grateful for you, Father. And you know what goes on inside. I don’t believe that I have the power to even pretend that I know how to deal with it. So, even though I don’t know how to make it your problem …

(actually I do know how to make it your problem). [Silence] I love you very much, Father. [Tears]

A: I love you, too. [Lovingly Smiles. Embraces questioner’s hands. Silence.]

Q:I don’t want to pretend anymore. I don’t want to carry anything anymore. No answer is required. I don’t need any answer anymore.

A:The only thing I would say is that just like we’ve gone away from ‘I want this, I want answers,

I want solutions, I want something in life, I want Freedom’ then we must also not take very strongly the opposite position. Like ‘I don’t want, I don’t want’ also should not become like

[decidedly] ‘I don’t want!’ You know? If we don’t know then we don’t know what we want or don’t want. So, ‘neither this nor that.’ I know that can feel a bit frustrating. And some of you have gone through some of this frustration over the past few weeks, especially. [Chuckles] ‘So, what?! If I’m not understanding anything and not getting anything, then what is this really about?’ Then beautifully we’ve dropped (we’ve looked at our desire) of what we wanted and said ‘No, not really. I don’t even know what I want.’ Then we don’t even need to pick up the idea of what we don’t want.

This concept-less-ness that I’m speaking of is so empty of opposites.

Q:There’s no need to know, in that sense. There’s no need to know anything, it seems.

A:Yes.

Q:Like it’s complete in itself, you know?

A:Yes.

Q:I mean, it’s very simple but it’s very complete.

A:This very, very radical Openness; the very radical Openness. The minute we ‘know’ then there becomes like a wall, a defense, a boundary. Then things can collide against that.

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What is suffering, actually? Suffering is concepts colliding with concepts. And when we are attached to concepts then we feel like ‘Oh, our identity is getting attacked.’ Because we have taken all these concepts and made them a part of what we think we are. And what is suffering but an attack of concepts on concepts themselves?

Now, when we are concept-less then this is the Openness that I am talking about. Because it is not that the Openness is created, it is only that those seeming-blocks in Openness, they seem to be dissolved when we are no longer attached to our concepts.

And the concept can be on any end of the spectrum. It could be the ‘want’ [I do want] or it could be that ‘I don’t want’ [which is also a] want. [Chuckles] Neither is valid. And that initially can feel a bit uncomfortable. Because then you can feel like ‘Well, this or that?’ Because this is the realm of duality. In the realm of duality, we have been told ‘Either this position or that position. Either it is a truth or a lie. Either it is wrong or it is right.’ With everything we look at, all our conclusions, either they are wrong or right, true or false. But, what is beyond?

Like I keep saying that the Truth I am speaking of is the Truth which is without an opposite. It does not have a ‘false.’ It does not say ‘Okay, that is the Truth then therefore, it makes something else false.’ Then something else can actually be in opposition to this.

What is it that is without an opposite in our life?

Q: This neutrality? I don’t know.

A: This Neutrality. Does it belong with the mind? Is there something like a neutral thought?

Because even if you say ‘There are neutral thoughts’ than that is an assertion; it is not neutral. If you say ‘There are no neutral thoughts’ then that is a negation. [Chuckles] This is the thing. There is no actual thing like a neutral thought. The mind does not get it about neutrality. And if you see that an assertion and negations are not by definition neutral [Chuckles] then we don’t rely on any of these conclusions. And because we got fixated by our conclusions (we were taught ‘This is the way to lead life, by making the best conclusions’) then we can feel like ‘Oh, now Father is leaving me without any conclusions, any crutches. What is his teaching?’

Other Masters have said ‘Really, I have no teaching.’ And Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] has said very beautifully that ‘All I have is thorns which will help you remove the other thorns; but then these will also be thrown away.’ What are these thorns? Just a negation of what concepts you might already have …, and then throwing away either end. [Smiles] So, also, don’t attach to the ‘don’t want’ position. Neither ‘want’ nor ‘don’t want’ …, even if it is wobbly. [Chuckles]

Q: Feeling very peaceful, Father.

A:Yes, yes. This is the peace I want to show you. But I don’t want to promise that, because when the wobble comes, it can seem like ‘Okay, I’m not getting it …, because Father promised peace but what I’m getting is shakiness.’ Because then it can feel like that.

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A Contemplation on Separation

Q:I feel that (and I want to check with you) this ‘not-knowing’ is not a position. It doesn’t seem like a position. But, maybe I’m wrong, Father. So, please point it out, if so. It doesn’t seem like it is. It is like my nature. I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain it; like if something arises… Please help clarify.

A:Yes, I can clarify and make it simpler. This ‘not-knowing’ actually also means that we make no distinction. What happens then is that we don’t make a distinction of ‘what my nature is.’ We are not even specifying what we know or don’t know; in the sense that we are not making any sense of separation, we are not making a distinction. And all our knowing (in a way, whether we realize it or not) has been used as a tool to create some distinction, separation.

So, when [Nisargadatta] Maharaj said ‘Make no distinctions’ he was already saying everything I am trying to say actually.

Q:I’ve been looking at it, Father. Now, what is happening is there is so much love coming. A lot of love. It’s not constant; it comes and goes, and that’s fine. And I was thinking that the ability to think something bad about somebody else is just not there. Okay? And I’ve been noticing like every time there may be an action that could hurt somebody else, I’m only hurting myself. There’s nobody else that I can hurt.

A: Yes.

Q:I can’t tell you that in my vision ‘It’s One.’ I can’t tell you that, Father. The vision is One but the mind will still label stuff, Father. But what I am noticing is about the ability to hurt another.

In a way, yesterday I was contemplating this a lot and then I said ‘But you know, I can’t hurt another. I mean, if I hurt somebody else what happens? I only hurt myself.’ So, I don’t know. For me, I have heard your term of ‘separation’ for long time and I have been contemplating that, Father. And for me it means distance from me. Actually, what I have realized is that for me it means (not like your body here, no) it is actually ‘What is its distance from me?’ that seems to…

And when I look at something and not visually …

A:Okay, before we get to next point, this point is very important. This is a beautiful exploration on separation. So, you say ‘I check and I find what is its distance from me.’ But even within that, we can also explore: ‘What am I defining as me?’

Q:Right. What I’m defining as me (I really want to check it fully today) what I am defining as me is …, (I have really struggled with this separation and really looked at it) …, how is what I see … (I will tell you the questions, I don’t have the answer): How is what I look at separate from me? Because the mind says ‘Oh, that is there, this sensation is there and I am here’ and that’s how this separation starts for me, Father. So, then when I do label it (anything, any sensation) then I don’t know where it is, first of all. I don’t know the distance also from me. I don’t know where it is. So, in a sense, I am not defining ‘me.’

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A:So, let’s take this first. So, the sensations are defined as ‘me.’ So, when you look, you see that there is a set of sensations. Now, all sensations, you are experiencing them. So, what is the distinction, distinguishing factor between the sensation of the sound of the bird and the sensation of the body, like pain or pleasure or just like touch?

Q:Nothing. I mean the mind says a lot, the mind will really come in at this question like crazy Father, but there is no difference. If I really, really [check] there is no difference. But I have to say, Father, the natural tendency is that it just happens and it says ‘Okay, it’s different.’

A:You can say ‘The natural tendency at the moment’ …, because it’s a tendency, which means it’s a habit…

Q: Yes, it’s a habit.

A:… to be able to define it. ‘Oh, apparently there is the sound of traffic but that is not me. Only a certain set of sensations are me.’ And that is the tendency, that is the habit; to distinguish and say ‘These sensations define a ‘me’ and these sensations are not a ‘me.’ Then what happens is that we can take it one step further with our sense of attachment. It’s like ‘These sensations are me but there are also other sensations which are outside this body-boundary which are mine (my family, my relationship, my things, my house) which are also sensations; perceptions. But we include that in a ‘me’ by using a broader label called ‘mine.’

So, if something happens to that, then again it feels like something happened to me. But if it happens to something a hundred miles away or something that we are not attached to then it’s not mine or me.

So, even with this definition of ‘me’ …, we don’t confine it to just body sensations, we also expand to our attachments of ‘me and mine.’ So, there are a certain sense of sensations, perceptions, that we call ‘me’ and there are others that we call ‘mine’ and there are ‘others’ (those which we are not attached to, which we call ‘others’).

Q:Right. But they are just labels. I can sense that. I think, Father, I like the word possibility because I am open to any possibility, Father.

A:So, just to look at this separation more. That’s why I said: How do we define the ‘me’? And you are just seeing that ‘All that I experience is just a set of sensations.’

Q:So how I define the ‘me’ Father? For me, it is based on these sensations that I have become very intimate with. Okay? So, it can be like the body, it can be…

A: Some energetic feeling.

Q:… the problem of just this constriction. Then, of course, ownership of things. Whatever I take ownership of (it can be anything; it can be something even fifty-thousand miles away) but if I take ownership of it, then it is ‘me.’ So, that’s such an important point you are telling me, Father, because I must look at it: What am I defining as me?

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A:That’s good and we can take as much time as is needed on this. Because what you just mentioned is that something which is fifty-thousand miles away, then that is not even a sensation; that is purely conceptual.

Q: Yes, yes, yes.

A:You see? So, it’s not even a present sensation which we have attached to then. Then it is just purely a conceptual idea …, and conceptual to the extent that we can’t even confirm the existence of it phenomenally. It’s just some idea we have that there is something that exists there and that is mine. So, this is very good: the nature of what we define as me and mine.

Q2: A set of past memories.

A: It can be a past memory. It has to rely on memory, actually. It has to rely on memory.

Q2: It’s as good as past memory, no?

A:Yes. But a concept of the memory; a concept of a repository of images that we call memory. Our repository of concepts is also included in that.

Q:So, one of things I have been [contemplating] …, you have been saying ‘Trust your insight.’ You know, I have tried to make your words mine. It hasn’t worked; very honestly, Father. They have been great, they have really been fantastic but it’s almost like passing the bit; you really have to then. And I think that…

A:I have to say that even my words are not mine. [Chuckles] Like if I were to make any words mine, it would be false ownership.

Q:I think what is really, really … (and there is a lot of contentment about it) … is to not ask any questions. Just to stay with what is Here. Because, in that, every question is not valid, in a sense.

I had so much of a need for some insight or whatever. It doesn’t really matter. Like ‘Oh, what? Space.’ Nothing matters; none of it makes any sense to me, Father. But what I can sense is just when there is no modulation of any sort then there is no problem (or at least there is no buying of modulation). Then there is no problem.

A: Yes.

Q:And in that space, there is no need to know, it seems. I’m referring to the need to find out. That was the thing. And I find, Father, when I don’t need to buy anything … (my life is busy. You know, it’s just like morning till night, it’s just like go, go, go, go) … but when I don’t hold any concepts about it, it’s just so easy. The whole day is so easy. There may be times when I get upset with somebody, but it is false. There is nothing being held onto. But the minute I hold one thing, one thing, the minute I call it ‘mine’ it just…, then there is suffering. And even the smallest thing now creates very big suffering. So, coming to ‘me’ …, Father, I have been looking at this. [Silence] The ‘me’ as I understand it is a concept. Okay? Because it’s a thought.

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Essentially, I’m using multiple thoughts to create a ‘me.’ I can’t think of what I am so I can’t give you any answer in that sense of what is me or what I am.

A:So, this is very useful for everyone to hear, right? When we do a contemplation (for example, on separation) and we are trying to figure out the distance between me and anything else, it’s also very useful to see what we are defining as the starting point, which is the ‘me.’ Like, distance from. Because the attention very quickly will go to see what the distance is and to look at that object in relation to me. But don’t leave that contemplation without first exploring what this ‘me’ itself is. What is the starting point of that distance? Distance is what? It’s between points A and B. That is the space, the spatial distance. So, what is the A point itself?

Q:So, for the longest time I have struggled with any appearance because it has become so natural to say ‘That is not me, that is not me’ but it wasn’t getting me anywhere. ‘Neti, Neti’ works but it’s frustrating beyond a point because you can just get stuck in that. I felt I got just stuck in that. And then the opposite started to happen (or the opposite is happening) in the sense where I am not struggling with ‘It’s not me, it’s not me, it’s not me.’ It’s just all allowed; all is allowed. In the traditional way of ‘me’ I can say ‘Yeah, that’s not me because it is supposedly external to myself.’ But if I hear your pointing, which is that ‘It is completely non-phenomenal, there is no attribute to it’ … okay? Still, there is no answer, Father. I can’t give you an answer.

A: An answer is needed only when there is a question left. [Chuckles]

Q:I can’t answer this, in a sense. I feel I need to … (Okay, I have gone to a concept). I have gone to a concept right now.

A.Everything can become like a self-definition, in a way. Even our contemplation, even our inquiry. What we are inquiring into these days is ‘What is the validity of any conclusion that we are making about ourself?’ So, ‘I want, I don’t want; I need to or I don’t need to.’ [Chuckles] Are these valid concepts, really? You are starting to See that ‘No, they are not’.

Q:Actually, all I can say Father, what I feel is that the more concept-less one is, there is no search anymore, there is no seeking happening. The seeking hasn’t dropped but it’s not like it used to be before I met you. There is no need for an answer. That’s all I can say, actually. Then whatever little tendency there is to figure it out, I wish to leave at your feet. Whatever tendency there is to pick up a story, I wish to leave at your feet, Father. I am happy to go wherever you wish to take me, Father.

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The One Who Wants Is Just a Made-up Idea

[Reading from chat]: “These days there is a sense that the thoughts rushing through the mind are not mine, but are universal. And picking up anything closes the back door. Is this so, Father?”

Yes, yes, yes. [Smiles] See, without the thoughts, you are already universal. It is not that you are local and there is big universe out there. It is only upon picking up the thought we buy into the idea of our limitation. So, in that sense, all energetic phenomenal movement belongs to Consciousness. But nothing belongs to Helen.

Yes, so picking up anything actually then is believing the idea of limitation, of separation. The notion of ego gets picked up only through this belief in concepts. ‘The back door’ reminded of that Zen master was saying ‘Keep your front door and back door open. Let all thoughts come and go (like visitors) …, just don’t serve them tea.’

None of you have to get anywhere. And if you feel like you have to get somewhere, I will help you with that. First, you have to tell me where you already are. You have to tell me where you already are; not from your judgments about yourself, not from your inferences about yourself, not from what your mind is saying about you, but from your own insight.

Are you here to judge yourself better? To have better concept of yourself? Many times, it can feel like ‘I come to Satsang so that I can think better things about myself or feel better about myself.’ That is not for what Satsang is for.

This idea that ‘I am here to feel better, to have better judgments about myself’ …, it is not that.

It is just to See what is true. ‘What is it that truly am? Who am I?’ And then the feeling better can happen, the ease of mind can come, the peace of mind can come.

So, we allow all thoughts to come and go because we are not here for a better concept about ourself. Every thought is selling you a story of who you are, in one way or the other. And at some point, we are no longer interested in that story; even our spiritual story actually (especially maybe our spiritual story). [Smiles] Because the seeker frustration is as bad as any suffering which is available in the world also. If you have seen a frustrated seeker, it is just as bad of a suffering; seemingly-suffering as badly as somebody who just had a break up in their relationship or just lost lot of money in the stock market or something; all of these. It’s as much of an identity as something else. But at least, the good thing is that it seems to bring you to Satsang and then the question is asked: Who are you? Are you really somebody who wants freedom? Show me that one.

Like, nobody can show me the one who wants freedom. [Smiles] Nobody can show me the one that ‘wants’ at all. It’s just a completely made-up idea.

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The Dissolution of Concepts Is Satsang

All of you are having the insights. All of you are having the insight. Insight does not mean necessarily a spiritual experience. Insight just means that when I say there is no person sitting over there you can see ‘Yes, there is no person here.’ Not the conclusion of it, but just the looking; that is already an insight.

So, all of you are having these insights but what happens is that you want to apply these insights to ourself personally. ‘So, now that I see that there is nobody here, how does it make my life better?’ These kinds of things. The ‘me’ can seem so pervasive. And that is the habit, like we were talking about earlier. The tendency is to try and push everything back to this reference point of me. And then that openness goes. The Master says ‘Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go.’ But then this feeling of egoic self-interest comes and says ‘Okay, I let go, so what happens to me now? Oh! Openness!’ Yeah? Like that, you see? Then the Master again has to say ‘Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go.’ … ‘Have I let go now?’ Or even like ‘Oh! Is freedom like this? Maybe I can do this to myself all day, just keep saying let go.’ Like that. This keeps coming back, this ‘me-me-me’ idea.

[Reading from chat]: “Tired of going through this storm inside. Is it okay in wanting peace as soon as possible?”

Yes, yes. Now, I don’t know whether you will see it this way or not, but life is giving you an offering of full peace in this moment; of complete openness, complete spaciousness, in this moment. But when you bring into it some projection of ‘me’ and of holding onto it in the future or referring to yourself from something from the past, then it can seem like this peace is lost.

It all fundamentally depends on how you are referring to yourself.

What is it that you are referring to yourself as?

If you are buying the reference point of your limitation, then that is the lack of peace. But this reference point, this limited reference point, is not naturally here moment-to-moment. It has to be constructed over and over again. The identity requires constant construction. The Self doesn’t need to be constructed.

If you can just see this, then it takes away the heaviness from our spirituality, it takes away our ‘I have to become free! I have to find the self!’ obsessive selfishness (in a way, although we don’t realize it). Once you see all the effort, all the construction is about identity, and to come to the Self is just like a letting go, which is naturally deconstructive…

To deconstruct, we don’t need to actually do anything.

If you don’t keep watering this tree of identity, it will deconstruct itself.

But the thing is that for a spiritual seeker, the construction itself is the seeker identity; to keep reinforcing that. ‘How will I find this? How will I find that? How will I come to God?’ God is sitting there waiting for you in your living room and you’re like opening the door again and again. ‘Has he come?! Has he come?’ He is already sitting there.

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You might meet him also from time to time, but then you will say ‘No, no. You are the one who is always here, no? You are nothing special.’ You see? We judge our Presence as something not special, we judge our Presence as if it is individual, because it’s always there.

That is the nature of the mind, no? Something which is so easily available has no value to it. So, God is sitting in the core of Your Being, as Your Being Itself. But for us that is like ‘What’s the big deal in that?’ We want a special experience, we want something to happen and then that will be God. So, it will not be that someone new will come through your door. It will only be that you recognize the One who is sitting in your living room.

Who is sitting there Now? Who is sitting there Now?

When you become no one, then you see the One who is not someone.

Q: Because we think from here. [Pointing to head] Everything is from here.

A:Yes. All our conclusions are from the mind. So, the mind keeps ringing this door bell and we keep answering the door, as if we’ll get something from there. But who is already in Your Heart?

Who is Your Heart?

Who is Your Being?

Whose Presence is this?

So, if I ask you ‘Can You stop being?’ you might give me an answer from mind and say ‘Yes if I die or when I sleep’ (something like that). But if I say ‘No, no. Stop being Now.’ …, this Being is just Here. But this Being is who? You see? This Being is who?

This is the only trick from the mind to convince you that this Being is a personal you. This Being does not have a boundary, has no limitations, cannot be hurt, affected, cannot suffer. This is already Your Being. And because it does not have a boundary, there cannot be ‘my Being and ‘your Being.’ There must be One Being.

But don’t allow these just to be inferences, or judgments or conclusions. You have to check for yourself.

Who sits Here?

Whose Being is this?

Like Prahlad ji sings this very beautiful Kabir song, no? He is saying ‘Everybody is looking for that emerald, everyone is looking for the emerald, but nobody looks in their own pocket.’ When you look in your own pocket, you see That One is everywhere. Like a beggar who is sitting on a box and begging for food every day, but has never opened the box and checked what’s here.

So, don’t try to answer these questions conceptually, intellectually, because that will not get you anywhere. And your mind’s conclusion can be for a very long time that ‘I don’t know’ …, which is fine. It is not the answer which is important but it is your willingness, your openness to look.

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Can I tell you something funny? It’s like in our rush to conclude, we waste hundreds of years, because we keep rushing to conclude. If we would avoid our conclusions for some time, it would be much faster actually. But because we rush to conclude that ‘I must be able to come to the valid conclusion right now’ then we leave our true insight for our inference about what this is.

So, leave yourself notion-less. Don’t be so concerned about ‘What will happen?’ or ‘What next?’ Or ‘Am I doing this right?’ Your freedom will not be a mental conclusion.

In a way, we know that. All of us now, being in Satsang, we know that all ignorance is mental. We just have to admit to ourself that everything mental is ignorance. The first part I feel everyone knows, that all our ignorance is mental but we still feel like there will be some concept, some conclusion, which will not be ignorance. And that’s why even Maharaj used to keep re- iterating this. He used to keep saying ‘Nothing I am saying is true, nothing I am saying is true. Even with Satsang, the only truth I can speak is that ‘I Am’ but ultimately even that is not true.’

Now, because we are addicted to positions, we might take a position about that and say ‘Then what is the point of saying all that in Satsang?’ It’s like this. And I’ve explained the point over and over. It is to come to a neutrality, it is to use the thorns to remove other thorns then throw them away. So, we don’t have to come with a basket, because you’re only collecting thorns in that basket.

It is just: what will it take to bring your car in neutral?

Because whatever is asserted or negated brings it in forward or reverse.

So, that is Satsang. Sometimes it frustrates the concepts out of you, sometimes you surrender them joyfully. And any aspect of our life where this dissolution of concepts is happening is Satsang.

Master Bankei said ‘All things are perfectly resolved in the Unborn Mind.’ What other reassurance do we need? All the Sages have said ‘The Master’s grace is taking care of everything.’

All things are perfectly resolved in the Unborn Mind.

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Neutrality Is Not a Refuge but Our Abode

Q:At every word, obviously, you can be torn apart. It’s a very fragile question. [Laughing]

Suppose I’m going completely against the current of what is expected. What is expected is ‘xyz’ but completely going against that and not even apologetic about being opposite. And without labeling as ‘arrogant’ …, only two options I have come across at such points is either one labels oneself as arrogant and feels very, very bad and a lot of times lost. Another one is to make some sort of sordid confession of some totally unrelated thing. But there’s some kind of a rough energy movement, without which nothing further can happen. So, it’s something which has to be gone through. And one is on uncharted seas at this point.

A:So, from what I’m hearing …, I’m hearing that there’s a movement happening which seems to be flowing contrary to the flow of the current

Q:Of everything I hear and say; of everything I hear or whatever comes across, including spiritual knowledge. For years, what I heard, I was in alignment with it; I mean, there was some alignment. Now, what I hear is not in alignment with what I’m experiencing. And I don’t want to

… but it feels like either I have to fall into self-doubt … but I know that this is myself and I cannot doubt it at this point. So, it’s like I’m left in a very strange position.

A:So, two things that are coming up in response to this (and remind me I said two things because I forget). [Chuckling] So, first is that what is happening seems like it is a beautiful exploration of what is this; what is this and what is that and what is feeling more natural. So, I’ll also invite you to explore the middle. Because we can have the exploration of the opposites. Like

‘This is this way (spiritual pointing is this way) so I’ll go that way.’ You see? But what is in the middle of ‘this way and that way’?

Q: There is no exploration possible in the middle, Anantaji.

A: I know what you’re saying.

Q:I reach a point in retreat, too, when I’m totally tired, when I feel it does not matter; either this or that, it does not matter.

A:I admit that there is no conceptual or intellectual exploration possible there. But there is an exploration which is neither mental nor just reasoning, which is just …, like when you say ‘I retreat to that’ …, have you explored the possibility that that could you be your home and you don’t have to retreat to that? [Silence for a moment] In the sense that, rather than that being a refuge once in a while when you are beaten up from either position then it serves as a refuge; but rather than that, what if that could be your natural resting point? And just for entertainment, you go here and there?

Q: [Laughing] That’s what’s actually happening.

A:Then that’s good. See, because if what you’re saying is that when everyone says ‘left, left, left’ you make sure you go right; it brings you to this neutrality, the middle that I’m speaking of.

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When you say ‘That’s what’s actually happening’ then it’s perfect. Because then what you’re saying is ‘When I’m instructed this way then I’m instructing myself the opposite way and coming back to my neutrality.’ Then that is very beautiful. Then you actually don’t need an instruction any more. If you’re resting in the middle, so to speak, then I don’t need to tell you left or right. So, this is what I’m pointing to, in a sense.

So, this refuge, let it be your abode. And when you do find (because everybody finds themselves in this play of the world, taking this position or that position) don’t beat yourself up about it. [Silence] That just hardens the position itself; either we will justify it or we feel guilty.

Q:Just like some kind of role is automatically being played by life. I’m just as much a witness of that as the so-called others are watching it.

A:Exactly. Like this conversation; what is coming from this mouth is being heard presumably here and there both. So, from that middle, these notions of separation are not there. So, there’s actually not a conversation as such. There are not two having a conversation.

Q: Some strange meeting.

A: Some strange communion of sorts.

I said that there were two points. I don’t remember the second. Remind me what you said? Maybe the second will come. [Looks at her] Don’t need? [Chuckling]

See, our labels about ourself have been compulsive in the past. So, we’ve gone through this…

Q:Actually, like you said, one has to take the opposite so that the thing is broken. One has to break the cycle. If one has been conclusively good in one particular direction, somehow Consciousness goes in the opposite.

A:Then, in this middle, there is no concept left of right/wrong, true/false, correct path/wrong path, Bhagavan’s path/this one’s path. None of that is left. Because you remove that one who could be this way/that way from the illusion itself.

Q: Infinite Silence. Infinite silence and one finds oneself moving out of it at times.

A:Yes, but it cannot be Infinite if it goes and comes. So, it can feel like ‘I go out of it or not’ but You Are That Infinite Silence …, on top of which these waves can seem to go this way or that way. It can feel like ‘I went’ on the basis of my attention going or some life event happening or this lump of flesh and blood going, you see, then it can feel like ‘I went’. But That Infinite

Silence is You. [Silence] Now, if we call it the Absolute, the Non-Phenomenal on which the phenomenal manifests; whatever terms you want to use, it doesn’t matter.

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Is-ness Cannot Be Captured in Any Statement

Our report, whatever it might be, will have nothing to do with Reality.

So, this is the habit. And we are coming to Satsang to get rid of this habit, to de-addict ourselves from this, to get free from this. Because this is the ego. This is how we limit ourselves, by this pretend-knowing. Nobody knows it but that’s why everybody fights. That’s why everybody fights, no? Because everybody has their conclusion. None of them are true but we hold on to them and that’s why there is disagreement.

Q:You know Father, this is just something else. I’m looking at it because when I [Inaudible]… Father, I know I’m making a story…

A:No. This is the knowledge that I’m always what I’m talking about. Don’t bring this knowledge into the picture; it is not helping you. What is Is; what was was, what will be will be.

You don’t need to make any definition about anything because you don’t know what happened.

It is only a claim. It is only a claim and a claim is never true. A claim cannot capture 0.00001% of what Is.

The Is-ness cannot be captured in any statement, in any conclusion that you make. This is the habit. And if I say ‘No, no, no’ there might even be this idea that ‘Now I’m being invalidated’ or something; which is not true. I’m trying to validate the True You by invalidating this knower of things, this conceptualizer of things. So, idea is not to hurt any one of you; the idea is just to get you to see but we are so dependent on our conclusions, that ‘This is what happened and now that was that, now this is this.’ It isn’t. It is just fairytales.

The other day I was saying in Satsang that if there was one practice that I would have given you all it would be to just sit. What does it mean? Just to sit without any intention, without any conclusion, without any judgement, without any expectation. Then somebody told me this just yesterday or the day before; they were saying ‘Father, this is what they call Zazen.’ That sounds very good to me.

When I’m saying ‘Just sit’ it doesn’t mean that you have to physically sit. When I’m saying ‘Just sit’ it doesn’t mean that your mouth has to be closed. It’s like you have no intention or expectation about anything. You can stand. ‘You’ won’t be standing; the body can stand, the body can jump, the body can sit. But you will not have a judgment, you will not have a conclusion, even if it feels a bit tricky. Sit inconclusively (in the sense of not making a conclusion that ‘I’m so inconclusive). [Chuckles] This is openness.

Every conclusion is a limitation, is a boundary by the mind. The thing is that I’m noticing in some of you is that you are referring back to what the mind is saying also. ‘Now what do you think about this?’ [Chuckles] What do you think it will think? It will only give you a conclusion which is offered to you and say ‘This is valid. This is actually true.’ You see? This is the thing.

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Forget That You Know What the ‘I’ Thought Is

[Reading from chat]: “Father, what do you do with the sense of boredom and the sense of ‘I’ when you just sit?”

We were taught this term ‘boredom.’ Suppose you forgot its meaning. We were not born with the idea of what boredom is. And actually, that which you call boredom will become very rare because actually we get bored with our notions of ‘What Is.’ When we put it in that box and we say ‘This is what is happening, I am just sitting alone at home, I am just sitting in my room, there is nothing to do …, and all my friends are traveling.’ You see? These are just ideas, but without these ideas, who is here? Who is alone? [Chuckles] You will not find yourself getting bored (or that which you call boredom) because in every moment there is so much wonder in this world, even in the phenomenal appearance. Sometimes we just look at the body. [Wow] [Chuckles]

Q: Thought can arise? I mean, if I look at it

A:The thought can arise but we don’t have to buy into it. [Points to the questioner] Look at it; thought will come or not but that is irrespective. You have stepped back from that equation; you are no longer a variable dependent on thought. (You can probably tell I have been helping my son with some algebra.) [Laughter] What do you do with the sense of boredom? Just don’t know what the boredom is and this sense of ‘I.’ When you just sit, this sense of ‘I,’ if it feels natural for you to hold onto it, hold onto it. If it feels natural for attention to just go everywhere, not even holding onto this sense of ‘I,’ then forget about it, it’s okay. If mouth is speaking, mouth is speaking; if the mouth is not speaking mouth is not speaking. If eyes are seeing, eyes are seeing; if eyes are not seeing eyes are not seeing. There is always hearing anyway. [Chuckles] If there is hearing attentively there is hearing attentively; if there is not hearing attentively there is not hearing attentively. All senses everything; sitting, standing, lying down.

[Reading from chat]: “It’s easier to not believe a thought except when it is the’ I’ thought.”

It might sound strange to you but forget what the ‘I’ thought is. And don’t get into any position which is in opposition to thought. Because many times when I say it like this, then we might have a position like ‘Come on, you go, thought! No, no, not you.’ You see? Like that. Not even that. Just like open space: everything comes and goes, everything comes and goes. Not for or against anything at all. Neither accepting nor rejecting. Just not taking any positions.

[Reading from chat]: “There is a strong belief that the ‘I’ thought should disappear for true freedom to be experienced.”

Okay. Three, two, one gone! [Laughter] Experience it; don’t judge it. You said for freedom to be experienced …, so I am saying experience it; don’t judge it. Taste your freedom, don’t give it a rating.

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I’m Just Pointing You to the Openness

Again, I’m pointing out that this has nothing to do with action or in-action. If you try to relate it back to the coconut [metaphor] then it will feel like ‘Okay, how do I behave now? What words should say? What should I not say?’

I am just pointing you to openness which is your original nature, to that Knowing-ness which is beyond all conceptual knowing.

So, whether ‘chopping wood, fetching water’ continues or not is not what I am speaking of. [Smiles] Sometimes even these can become conclusions, in the sense that we might hear that ‘Before enlightenment, chopping wood, fetching water. After enlightenment, chopping wood, fetching water.’ [Smiles] And it can be like that. It’s a beautiful pointing. But remember that it doesn’t have to be. It can be anything at all.

If you feel like there is a report or conclusion about yourself without which you cannot survive, then you can expose that one. [Smiles] If there is some conceptual knowing which is central to your very existence, if you feel that way, then you can expose that one (which is the same as surrender or inquire into it) and check:

Whose life is dependent on this conclusion, on this notion?

Even Freedom, which might have started seemingly like an idea …, but now you are letting go of the notion of it and you are tasting something undefinable; not a thing at all.

[Reading from chat exposes a notion]: “When I get to Sahaja/ Bangalore, then I will really be free.”

[Ananta smiles]

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Every Notion is a Resistance to ‘What Is’

Sometimes it can feel like ‘Where is my return on my investment? I invested so much on this seeker identity and I’m not getting any validation, any approval. What have I really achieved?’ Isn’t it? While we keep holding these positions, this identity, including the seeker itself, it is natural for the mind to jump to the opposite because then people start saying silly stuff like ‘Oh, I’m not seeking anymore. I used to be seeking but I’ve come to the end of my seeking.’ That’s also a position. Beyond seeking and not-seeking, what is there? [Silence]

This compulsiveness of taking a position is what humanity has been taught, in a way. And it seems like it’s taken the naturalness, the original-ness, out of our life. All our positions are about ‘What’s in it for me?’ This ‘What’s in it for me?’ is pervasive. You might not spot it yet, you might not agree yet, but this idea (‘for me’) is looking for some validation, looking for some approval, is looking for some meaning. And this struggle for meaning in this ‘me’ (to find meaning for this ‘me’) is a never-ending one. Because this ‘me’ dissolves every moment. So, it’s like trying to build a house of cards very fast, because now it is gone. Then again, the thoughts will come, the notions will come. You start to build fast but you know that the next moment is going to bring the purity of Being. [Silence]

Complete Unconditional Being is Right Here, Right Now. But we want to build some concepts from the past and build a story; we want to project ourselves into the future. What is at the end of all of this? You’ll ultimately only be left with whatever is Here Now.

Whatever you might do, nothing can add one thing to Your Being which is naturally present Now. You read ten thousand books, you attend ten thousand Satsangs, you have the most spiritual experiences, all your chakras could be shining (or not) but you’ve never added one iota to your natural Being which is present Here effortlessly. And in the same way, whatever you feel guilty about (if you feel like you’ve been the worst sinner, you’ve done terrible things) not one iota can be taken out of Your Being. Being has just remained as Being.

So, what is all of this about? This is the game the Being Itself is playing. It’s a play of individuality, a play of separation, which can never ever truly happen. But there is one sphere of your life where it does seem to happen, one sphere of your existence where it does seem to happen; that is your mental sphere. It doesn’t happen … (if you were to play with making some distinctions) it doesn’t happen in the materialistic sphere, it doesn’t happen in the sphere of this body, it doesn’t happen in the sphere of your emotions or your intellect, it doesn’t happen in the sphere of your Being and nothing ever happens in the Absolute Unchanging Self. But in one sphere, when you get involved in this sphere of conceptualization, the sphere of interpreting, then it can feel like something actually happened.

Only one version of You is a limited version. It never actually exists but it seems to be. This is your mental version. What is this mental version? It’s full of ‘should’/ ‘could’/ ‘would’ …, ‘Life should be like this, life could have been like this; if only I would have done that, then life would be different.’ Basically, a set of resistances. Just resisting ‘What Is’ in one way or the other.

Find any excuse to resist ‘What Is’ and you’re resisting your own peace.

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Of course, it feels completely justified because nobody feels like their beliefs are wrong. Nobody ever feels their beliefs are wrong as long as they continue to hold them. Until life confronts these beliefs, until a Master comes and confronts these beliefs, until your relationships come and confront your beliefs …, and then you recognize ‘Oh, this was just another way to resist life.’ And we keep falling for the same old trick over and over again. And every time we fall for it, we feel like ‘This one is authentic, this one is real, this one is really happening; there is a ‘me’ here.’ And over and over we live our life as if every day is April Fool’s day. Every day the trickster offers new tricks and you say ‘Yes, this is it.’

So, when we come to Satsang, we learn to recognize these tricks and we learn how to not get involved, to not ‘log in’ as my Master would say. So, then the question is ‘How do I decide what a trick from the mind is?’ And you might not like this answer, but it is ‘everything’. Everything it is saying is a trick. Every position, every notion, every idea is a resistance to ‘What Is.’ Nothing that you can think about yourself can ever depict Reality. [Silence]

Now what can happen? This can hurt initially because some of these ideas we are deeply invested in. And you can shine your own light on these ideas which you think are completely justified, which you think you completely know: ‘It is like this.’ Even those who’ve been in Satsang for long time, sometimes we have a conversation with them and they say ‘Ananta, but it is like this’! It is how the mind is saying.

These sticky notions, what are they bringing to your life? In your righteousness, what have you ever got? Just a false idea that you figured something out, that you know what something is. [Silence]

Not one thing we can truly say, not one thought we can claim to be truly right. I was saying yesterday that ‘To know one thing is to know too much.’ Now you’ve come to this point in Satsang which is: To know one thing is to know too much.

It’s like, all of you know this Zen saying about your cup being full. Now your cup is getting full if you put one drop in it.

Only complete openness, complete emptiness, complete nakedness.

And don’t make the actions of your body a reference point to You. You remain empty. Leave this wave to be taken care of by the ocean.

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Whatever You Think You Are Right About Is Your Ego

That which you feel is the best version of yourself, that version of yourself which you think you cannot do without, surrender it. Let it go. Because no version of you compares with the Reality of You.

You know what the best part is? The best part is that life is doing all of this for you already. In this moment, all that is being ‘pointed to’ is done.

But the trickster will come and it will say ‘No, no, no, but … (something).’ It uses various tricks. It says ‘But … this is not yet true for me. I still have to mature. But … this is not true for me because … (whatever).’ It will say ‘But Ananta is speaking from ultimate perspective.’ You see? That’s also a very good defense to everything that is said in Satsang. ‘Oh, yes, yes, that is fine from the ultimate perspective.’

The problem is you know too much. Or at least, you think you know too much. Forget all these ideas. Return to your innocence. Your mental knowledge is your ego, fundamentally. Whatever you think you know, is the ego. Whatever you think you are right about, that brings it even closer isn’t it? [Chuckles] Because you can say ‘Yeah, my knowledge is okay. It’s not so good. I must become empty.’ And then when I say ‘Whatever you think you’re right about …’ that makes it even more intimate, isn’t it?

That which you feel like you have to justify that you’re right about is nothing but separation.

So, does this mean that you have to have an aversion to the mind? No, it doesn’t. Because even that is a position. My younger brother, while growing up, he would make up a lot of stories. When he was really young, like 4 to 5 years old, he would speak and just make up some stories, that ‘This happened and I saw this and I saw that.’ He would just keep saying things like that. So, then what happens? You love your brother but you don’t trust what he is saying, isn’t it? In the same way, because the mind is also Consciousness, you can love it for what It Is but you cannot believe what it is saying about to you (or about anything for that matter).

How are you doing the hearing of the bird? How are you beating your heart? How are you seeing through your eyes? How are you making smell function? Everything is happening effortlessly.

How are you existing right now?

What idea is needed for you to exist?

If there is no idea needed for you to exist and your existence is the light of this world, as soon as you exist, this whole play starts.

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Your Being Is Here with Open Arms

What idea is needed for you to Exist? If there is no idea needed for you to exist. And Your Existence is the light of this Universe.

As soon as you exist, this whole play starts. And it is happening so effortlessly that some of us in spirituality are making a lot of effort to exist but not to experience this play, to try and get into Samadhi (and these kind of things). Because the play is happening so effortlessly, it seems like you are making a lot of effort to escape this play. Then if the play is happening effortlessly, let it be, no?

What does it take for you to leave all of this?

What does it take?

Does it take a lot of suffering?

Does it take a thousand Satsangs?

Or are you not done yet with the taste of individuality?

Is there still some hope for the non-existent one?

How long will we play as the prodigal son?

Your Being is Here with open arms.

Let go of all distinctions.

Let go of all language, all terminology (inwardly).

Release your hold on this world, on this life. It is not a true hold anyway.

Let everything be, including what comes out of this body’s mouth, what actions happen through your hands and feet, everything.

Let it unfold on its own.

Let go of everything that you hold.

Everything.

It is not worthy of Your Reality.

If it feels like you will fall …, fall.

You can only fall into Your own Being.

If fear is coming, don’t fear the fear. All kinds of fear will come. ‘What will happen to your life? Who will take care of your body?’ All of these are unfounded fears; unfounded on any basis.

Let all emotions arise.

Let the fear come.

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What Do You Know When You Know Nothing?

We said yesterday that ‘To know one thing is to know too much.’ [Smiles]

So, to know one thing is to know too much. Then what do you know when you know nothing?

To know one thing is to know too much. Then what do you know when you know nothing?

[Sangha]: We know everything.

A: No.

[Sangha]: We know ‘You Are.’

A:Just contemplate this. [Contemplative Silence]

[Sangha]: We don’t know anything; we are everything. [Smiles]

A:Do you know this?

[They repeat]: ‘We do not know anything or everything.

A:But do you know this? The question is: To know one thing is to know too much. Then what do you know when you know nothing?

[Sangha]: It seems, Father, to know something is to have a concept.

A:So, what do you know when you do not have a concept of anything? [Sangha]: I do not know anything.

A:You do not know anything. Do you know that? [Sangha member laughs] [Sangha]: I exist.

A:Do you know that? Do you know ‘I’ exist? You know what existence is? Then you know something. Then how do you know nothing then?

[Sangha]: It is like a wordless knowing. It’s wordless. I know, but I can’t say.

A: But do you it is wordless knowing? [Smiling]

[Sangha]: You cannot even say ‘I do not know anything.’ It also sounds like a concept.

A: Yes, but then what is left?

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Okay, Gopala has come just now. So, we are playing a game, okay? We are contemplating a question. And although I might be laughing about it, I mean it seriously for you to contemplate; which is that ‘is to know one thing is to know too much. What is it that you know when you know nothing?’ You got it? I can repeat.

[He says]: Yeah, yes, yes, yes. I apologize, if you can repeat it.

A:Okay, so I am repeating again now, which is we said ‘To know one thing is to know too much?’ Then my question is ‘What do you know, when you know nothing?’

[He says]: There is nothing to know.

A:Do you know that? [He says]: Yeah.

A:You know that? Then you do not know anything. [He says]: Then I know nothing.

A:But you know you know nothing. [He says]: Yeah.

A:Then you know something. [Chuckles]

[He says]: In addition, even that is a position, you said yesterday. I know nothing. I used to know actually. I knew that. Who needs to know?

A:That is not the answer or the question. What do you know when you know nothing? [Sangha]: It’s not something.

A:Do you know that? [Laughter] [Sangha]: Is there an answer to it?

A:Of course, why would I ask? [Sangha]: It is like one hand clapping.

A:Whatever it is. [Chuckles] To know one thing is to know too much. [Sangha]: Just because we say something, does not mean we know.

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A:But, that is the claim. You know? Like ‘Here is a lie, coming up.’ [Chuckles]

[Silence]

[Sangha]: It cannot be solved, what you’re asking.

A: Now, what is the answer?

[Sangha]: That there is no answer for this.

A: Do you know that?

[Sangha]: I do not know; at least, like the way I know.

A:Then, why would I ask? [Sangha]: That you only know.

To know one thing is to know too much.

What do you know when you know nothing?

Even to know that ‘I Am’ is too much. Even that can be that one thing.

[Sangha]: Can we say that ‘there is no answer to this because this…

A:Do you know that there is no answer? Then you know one thing. [Chuckles] That is also to know too much.

[Sangha]: The answer to this is ‘there are not two.’

A:Then you know that one thing that ‘there are no two.’ That is also too much. [Reading from chat]: “What is too much?”

Too much means that your cup is full. You are not open anymore. If to know one thing means your cup is full, to know one thing is to know too much. And what is it that you know when you know nothing?

[Sangha]: To know something is a conclusion.

A:To know something is a conclusion. Do you know that? [Chuckles] [He says]: Yes.

A:Then, that is too much.

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[He says]: What I am trying to find is ‘I Am’ which is not even ‘me.’

A:Then, what is it? ‘I Am’ sounds like a conclusion to me. ‘I Am.’ [Smiles]

[Sangha]: There is no space for the mind. There’s just no space to think anything.

A: Do you know that?

[She says]: Yeah, if I think about it, then I know something. [Smiles]

A:So, if you know that then you know too much. [She says]: I am telling, just because you ask.

A:No. ‘What do you know when you know nothing?’ is what I want to know. [She says]: How can I know something, when I know nothing?

A:That is what I am asking. What is it? Do you not know anything when you know nothing? [She says]: It’s just like word play.

A:It is not word play, it is not a puzzle.

[Sangha]: Should I tell you ‘There is no need to know anything’?

A: No, that is the word in the question.

[Sangha]: How can we know ‘nothing?’ How can I know ‘nothing’?

A:You want to know nothing? Like ‘How can I?’ means ‘How do I get to that? or ‘How can…’ means what?

[Sangha]: No, I am just saying, you know. If there is nothing then it can’t be known.

A: That is too much to know already.

[Reading from chat]: She also says that “There is no need to know.” But even to know that is too much.

To know even one thing is to know too much.

What is it when you know, when you know nothing?

I know that the mind really wants to be the one to get the right answer; if one exists. This is to know too much.

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[Sangha]: It is out of the book syllabus. [Laughter in Sangha]

A: That is also to know too much.

So, I am just answering all the questions:

[Reads and responds to few comments typed onto the chat]:

“To know whether it is knowing or experiencing” … is also to know too much. “That it is nothing” … is also to know too much.

“It feels beyond words” … is also to know too much.

“You cannot comprehend it” … is also to know too much. “It does not require an answer” … is also to know too much.

“Brahman never gave Satsang; only Knowing is giving Satsang’ … is also to know too much. “To know that I do not know” … is too much.

“Ignorance is bliss” … is also too much.’

[Meditative Silence]

[Doesn’t say what he read on chat but responds with]: Too much, my dear; too much, too much.

And I know the mind, for some of you, must be being smart and saying ‘To know it is too much is also too much.’ Yes, yes, it is too much. [Smiles]

[Responding to a chat]: To know that “I don’t know an answer” … is also too much.

[Reading chat]: “To seemingly, to recognize that I know nothing, I must admit there is a belief standing apart, that claims this freedom is ‘not-knowing.’ Then I cannot know anything about myself or knowing because I cannot know what belief is and there needs to be belief to recognize anything.”

That “There needs to be belief to recognize anything” … is also to know too much.

[Meditative Silence]

To know even one thing is to know too much.

What do I know when I know nothing?

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Even the Holiest Concepts Can Become a Mind Trap

Q:Everything is a concept. Mind uses these concepts to trap. Unlearning seems difficult. Free me from these concepts.

A:You have the services of the best cleaning lady in the world. [Referring to

Consciousness/God] Because the concept might keep coming back that ‘The concepts have you trapped you’ but they cannot survive even this moment. Like even now if I were to ask ‘What is troubling you?’ you have to take a moment to think about it. It is not naturally present, you see?

So, therefore, in this moment, you must be free from it already.

Then the concept itself will come and say ‘But… what happens when they come back?’ So, like I was saying, just this notion you have to deal with; just one message at a time, which will come and say ‘But … (something). But … this.’ Let that one come and go. Because if you know that, if you give it your assent, if you give it your belief, then it will seem like your life is restricted, limited by that.

If you don’t know it? Suppose you forgot the language which the mind was speaking; like if it is saying something and for you it has become like Russian, then can it trap you?

Only when we ascribe some meaning to it, when we claim to understand what these concepts are, only then the struggle comes. But we don’t know anything at all. Even to say ‘up or down’ or ‘trapped or free’ we have to make ourselves into ‘something.’ We have to give our self a position to say that something is ‘up or down’ or that ‘I am bound or free.’ But that position is not naturally present.

Q:A lot of conversation in the mind. It just speaks up. Everything about Awareness also and I’m still stuck about this right and wrong; with Awareness. I know this ‘I’ also traps me. I’m not able to go beyond this.

A:It is happening for a few of us in the Sangha. It is happening for a few of us where the mind is using Satsang concepts themselves. Like it is speaking about ‘Awareness’ or about ‘I’ and that itself seems to have become a mind trap. That is why in the last few weeks, I have been just looking at dissolving even the concepts which seem like our holiest concepts because even those can seem like limited positions.

But now, you have to stay with me a bit, and you have to tell me what is troubling you: Right Now? Like Now, Now, Now, Now? [Chuckles] Soon you will say ‘Stop, stop, give me a moment to think’. That means naturally, in this Now, all of that trouble is gone. The mind will come with a ‘But…’ and say ‘But (something).’ Isn’t it? And because we have invested in that, it can seem like it is really true. So, empty of any knowledge, including the terms of ‘Awareness’ or ‘I’ or ‘Consciousness’ or anything, you are untroubled in your notion-less Existence.

Q: It seems more of a calculation now; Consciousness, Awareness, I, Self. I need to calculate it.

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A:Yes, if you are inferring, if you are calculating, if you’re intellectualizing, conceptualizing, then these terms have no value. Then they are the same as mud. It is no big deal. So, allow these terms to come up when your heart speaks them; not when your mind speaks them. Till then, they are as meaningless as everything else.

Q: So, I should wait for it to come that way?

A:You don’t wait. If your intuitive Presence one day wants to use these terms, using your mouth, then it will use them. Till then, you can drop all your inferences. Because nothing that you know conceptually actually means anything at all.

Q: Yeah, I need to drop them.

A:Yes. But the good news is that Guruji is doing even that. It is already done. Now, will you trust this? Or will you trust when the mind comes and says ‘But, but…’?

Q: I trust Guruji.

A:Very good. If you pick up the doership that ‘I need to drop it’ then that will become another thing that you have to drop.

Q:Yeah. That’s true. That’s trapping; all the concepts of Awareness, Consciousness; in that way they are very trapping. I have to not use my mind.

A:Yes, yes. The mind itself takes ownership of these concepts that it hears in Satsang, then tries to become your mental Guru. It tries to impress you using the Satsang concepts itself. Then what can happen is that, funnily, the more you are in Satsang, the more those concepts also get reinforced at times. That’s why sometimes in Satsang you have to hear that these concepts are also ultimately concepts. You can safely be empty of everything. And when you’re empty of everything, if one day your intuitive Presence has a use for these conceptual terms, then it will use that. You remain empty; you remain open. How to do it? It’s already Here. It already is this way.

A: True.

A:Now the mind will come and tell you ‘But my problem was bigger than that. It cannot be that straight forward, that simple.’ It is like ‘But I really had a serious problem.’ It will convince you. And it will say ‘But that was too straightforward so I have to keep up the problem for some time.’ Like in the movie, no? We don’t like the movies where the ending is too abrupt. So, we’re like ‘Okay, we had a problem. Then one-step, two-steps, three-steps; the problem went away.’ Like that. So, we don’t actually like it; something in us actually does not like it too much when I say ’Actually, you don’t have problem Right Now.’ [You will want to say]: ‘But I have believed in this, that I have a problem.’ [Smiles]

So, just to meet yourself fresh, meet yourself without any interpretation, good or bad; any position left or right.

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Q:But that means learning disconnects me more. And I was trying to learn more and more about everything, Awareness and Consciousness, and this was trapping more.

A:Yes. So, what happens is that we keep conceptualizing more and more; we keep intellectualizing and reasoning more and more. You used a very good word ‘calculate.’ You cannot calculate the way to the truth. It is not that ‘Awareness multiplied by Consciousness divided by emptiness’ will lead you to the Truth. But sometimes we feel like when we come to Satsang, it is like that. It is none of that. Our reasoning, our intellectualizing, at best can say ‘It is not this.’ But it cannot affirm what It Is. Like, our reasoning at best can say ‘All that is changing is not It.’ So, then it is no longer bothered about all that is changing. But it cannot point to what actually Is. But when we use terms sometimes, then the term (which was meant to be used playfully as language, as tools, as a pointer for communication) then the terms themselves become like a struggle; like our suffering [which asks] ‘Why can’t I stay as Awareness?’

If Awareness is the truth, you should not be able to lose it. Why do you have to stay in it? [Smiles] So, best for some time to forget about it. Forget about it. Come to Satsang and you will see that the affliction of even intellectual spiritual knowledge will start to loosen its grip on you.

Q:That is happening. [Silence] What is identity? ‘Sticking to identities?’ I have heard this a lot in Satsang, but still not … (again, my mind is of course asking about this ‘concept’).

A:Yes. To believe anything about yourself is ‘identity’ …, including believing that ‘I must become empty of identity’ or ‘I must have a position with regards to identity’ or ‘I am afflicted by identity.’ All of these are just identity.

Now again, I keep reminding you that: NOW, it is gone actually. No identity has survived this moment (unless you make a belief system out of even this; unless you make an inference out of even this).

Now, if I were to say to you ‘What I am saying to you in neither true nor false’ how would you keep that?

Q: I would keep it.

A: You can’t keep it. You see, that is the thing.

Q:It is just ‘Now’ that will keep me in this Now. Dropping all the concepts of Awareness, Consciousness, Self to get freed. Thank you so much.

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Satsang Break – Contemplation

During the Mooji retreat, Ananta suspended daily Satsangs until end of retreat. He asked the sangha to stay with this question for contemplation during this time:

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What Really Belongs to You?

Someone from the sangha wrote to me the other day. She said ‘Father I came to your Satsang…’ (and she has been coming for a long time) she said ‘I have come to Bangalore also a couple of times, but when I came, I came with the mind, entered Satsang with the mind and I left with the mind.’ And I realized in this report that this is why we struggle in Satsang. What does this mean? We will look into that a little bit. She said ‘I came, and I felt like I came to the satsang, but I just came for a mental purpose. I wanted to achieve a particular objective and that’s why I came. I had the outcome already planned out.’ So, many of us, we come to Satsang with the mind or as if we are the mind, or as if we are the person. Now, what does it actually mean? And this is not just so that you can feel guilty about yourself, not so that you have something to do to fix it because there is nothing you can do, except to notice.

So, what are the different versions of this mind? The first version is ‘the judge.’ The judge is also ‘the confirmer.’ It is like everything that you already believe, if you are hearing that, then it is going ‘Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, this is good. Satsang is very good today, Father.’ [Chuckles] This is the confirmer mind or the judging mind which is saying this. And this is very difficult to change because this just comes for confirmation. It just comes for confirmation. You could have seen a previous Satsang, you could have read a transcript, you could have read a book. You could have heard something that Guruji or some other Sage has said. And you feel like you come to Satsang to confirm what you understood (you think) just to get confirmation for that.

So, this is a version of the mind. And somewhere correlated with this one is ‘the collector’ saying ‘Okay, Father says come to satsang open, so I am going to be open …, but I am going to openly collect everything that he is saying.’ [Chuckles] Like ‘Don’t judge, don’t interpret, but come as a collector.’ [Choose] this one: ‘This notion-less existence.’ It just keeps collecting, feeling like a bag of collections, one day, will be so full that we will be free. But freedom is not this fullness. Freedom is a conceptual emptiness [emptiness of concepts] which recognizes a truer fullness.

So, all these variations; collector, judge, confirmer. [Chuckles] There can be many variants of the mind. Sometimes ‘the confronter’ wants to come, like ‘I am just going to confront, I am just going to argue’ or something like that. But this is not what Satsang is for. Because the voice that is speaking in Satsang, the speaker in satsang, is not attached to the words and that’s why he is quite comfortable if you say ‘Not like this, like that; not like this, like that.’ It is okay because these words are nothing but pointers which help you to remove the other conceptual baggage. So, these words are like the garbage collectors. These words are like the room-freshener in a way. But they themselves are not the Truth. No words are actually the Truth.

So, you are left in this sort of silly space where you say ‘What am I supposed to do then? How am I supposed to come to Satsang?’ Well, don’t know. [Silence] Because any conclusion that I can give you will be false. But if you allow yourself to remain inconclusive …, (I don’t want to say what unfolds).

So, even our coming to Satsang is full of so much ego at times, is full of so many positions. This checker guy, this confirmer, this judge; all of these variants we think we are. But we are none of

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these. The Master goes hoarse saying ‘Let go, let go, let go.’ [Chuckles] Like I was saying the other day, that the Master is saying ‘Empty your cup, empty your cup, empty your cup’ and you are filling your cup with [the idea] ‘Empty your cup, empty your cup, empty your cup.’ [Chuckles] That is literally what is happening. The words which are meant to empty your cup then end up filling your cup even more. And instead of getting lighter, you are getting heavier. Your ego is becoming more full of concepts. Many times, it can happen.

So, everything that is heard in Satsang must be used to check where it is pointing to and to uproot these strong conditions, these egoistic tendencies that we have. Because if Satsang itself is becoming a way for you to get attached, for you to fear more, then forget it. Better to forget it.

And what are we really attached to? We might say that ‘I am attached to objects in the world.’ How are you attached to those? And you say ‘I am really attached, help me, Master.’ I say ‘How are you attached?’ Who can answer this? [Looks around the room] There is a computer over here. Suppose I say ‘I am really attached to this computer, it is really nice. I am really attached.’ But what is actually attached? [Chuckles]

What is attached? What are the prerequisites for attachment? You need to have a notion of ‘me’ and you need to have a notion of ‘mine.’ Even the perceiving of the object in itself cannot lead to attachment. We need to have a sense that there is a ‘me’ to whom this belongs; which is ‘mine.’ But is any of this true?

What really belongs to you?

In India we have this popular version of Geeta Saar (The Essence of the Geeta) which says [in Hindi] ‘Tu kya leke ayaa thaa, tu cya leke jayega?’ which means ‘What did you come with, what will you go with? What is the point of all of this attachment?’

But we think that we are not even attached. Like I am not attached to holding this computer [Gestures holding the computer] …, like that. It is more like ‘It’s mine.’ And if the label changes from ‘mine’ to ‘yours’ then something feels hurt. What happens in relationships? There’s an object over there, which you claimed was mine, and that object says ‘I am not yours, I am somebody else’s.’ … Gone. Six months can go by sometimes with just one label changing, from ‘mine’ to ‘no longer mine.’

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Nothing Ever Has Defined You

When we are open to the pointers in Satsang, they have a very destructive effect on our concepts. They have a destructive impact on our concepts when we are truly open in Satsang. When we are in Satsang because we think we know something and we want confirmation; when we are in Satsang because we want to get at something, then there is already an end in the mind. When you think you are right about something, then either Satsang can become a struggle or it can also aid your spiritually ego. And it has happened umpteen times where somebody who has been in Satsang for very long can then get this idea. That’s why sometimes I get these reports saying that ‘Father, it’s like this, not like this’ and ‘But not like that; it is like that.’ [Smiles] This kind of thing. But I am saying ‘It is neither this nor that.’ But no, we feel like we have now become the custodian of some Brahmagyana [Supreme Knowledge] or something.

So, can we really look at this? Because it is said (and Guruji [Sri Mooji] also talks about it) that there are many signs in India you see like this: ‘Leave your shoes and ego at the door.’ [Smiles] In fact, I don’t mind actually; it is better if you get your shoes in. But this ego thing, you see, it just wants confirmation, affirmation. It wants to know that it knows something. That is so much struggle. That day Gopala and I were having a beautiful conversation where I was just saying ‘Just leave it.’ He is like ‘Oh, is it like that, is it like that?’ [And I say]: ‘No, no, leave it. Just leave that also.’ [He said]: ‘But then it is so easy.’ [I say]: ‘Then leave that also.’ [Smiles]

Why do we need to come to a conclusion? What is this sense of knowing all about? Isn’t it fake? Isn’t it a complete fraud?

What is that we have actually ever known, truly?

With this instrument [points to his head], what is it that we ever actually truly known? Nothing.

We do not even know what that instrument is. We do not know what this body is.

This body has more cells than the stars in the Milky Way, supposedly. [Smiles] But we don’t even know what keeps it together.

How do you call it ‘me’?

It’s a universe; at least a galaxy. [Smiles]

So, this naked, raw admittance that ‘we do not know anything’ …, including that. That is important because these days I have seen that this has become something to something of a crutch: ‘I just do not know anything. I don’t know anything. Oh, you seem to be knowing a lot, I know nothing.’ You see, like that. I’m saying that can become a crutch.

Without one ounce of this or that, without any end of the opposites, this is how the dropping of the mind (and in fact, dropping of the body-mind) happens. The body can still continue to appear but this idea that ‘it is me’ …, the mind can still continue to appear and disappear but that idea that ‘it is me’ will seem alien to you. Because it is actually ludicrous.

All that is needed, all that is being invited, is a looking, a checking, a noticing. Not that ‘Ah, I have been coming to Satsang as if I am the mind; I am so bad, I am so unworthy, I am so guilty,

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I’m not going to get free.’ This isn’t the mind play we are inviting now; that’s just another mind play.

Come empty of your positions.

[Silence]

Come empty of your positions.

Become empty of your positions.

And you will realize that this is Your original truth anyway.

Nothing ever has defined

You. No conclusion about You has been valid.

And all of this is You. [Smiles]

All of this is You.

Standing where you are Right Now, everything is fine.

[Silence]

The mind is offering you the tickets to Disneyland …, actually, it’s misery land. [Smiles] You are like ‘Ah, this is will be so much fun, if I had this, if I did that.’ Actually, it is not Disneyland, it is misery land. [Smiles] Most of us have experienced this, isn’t it? You buy these tickets from mind and you make hell out of this heaven.

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Truth for Truth’s Sake

Now, this emptiness which is naturally here …, know that whatever tricks, tools or weapons the mind has at its disposal, it will try and use to counter it. Whatever notions, ideas, concepts it can use, it will say ‘But, but, but, this has to be true.’ Like ‘This has to be true!’ And what happens is also I have noticed (and I have said this over the years and you must also have heard this many times): know that you are starting to get in trouble when you start to resist the inquiry. Know that when you say ‘Anything but inquiry’ know that something has got you. [Makes the gesture of getting caught] Something has got you. Why? Because I have noticed with so many sangha members over the years (hundreds) it’s just like ‘Just tell me anything to do, ask me anything but don’t ask me: who am I?’ like ‘Don’t let me to check: who am I?’

Why is that? It cannot be that the spaciousness and this resistance can be there at the same time. It is just that we have asked over the years ‘Who am I?’ and we feel that we never came to a satisfactory conclusion so it has become a source of frustration for us. So, it just feels like ‘I know what Father is going to say; he is just going to say: Who? But who? But who? Don’t ask me that.’ What you are basically saying is ‘Go with my presumption about who I am. Don’t ask me to check whether that is real or not.’ But fundamentally, that is asking for trouble. In fact, that is the only trouble in life: to misunderstand yourself to be something that you are not; to come to a false conclusion about what you are. Because once you come to a conclusion about what you are …

Suppose we just presume that you are Krishna (this Krishna; body/mind Krishna) [referring to the man named Krishna from the sangha sitting in satsang hall] then all kinds of trouble can come. And the biggest trouble is coming anyway: death. Once you presume this, then death is there, then fear is there, attachments are there, then so much struggle is there. Then why do we have to presume this?

That is what’s being looked at Satsang every day: Is this presumption a valid presumption? And are we coming to Satsang as ‘cats looking for the final bowl of milk for the cat’? Or are we willing to let go of this cat identity? Because if we keep saying ‘The cat wants this, the cat had this, cat did this, this happened to the cat’ then it is still all about the cat. And I can humor it for a bit, but I cannot humor it forever. Because I don’t want to see you struggle forever; I don’t want to see you struggle with this ‘me, me, me’ forever.

So, either position, that ‘the cat is getting it or not getting it, is getting somewhere or not getting anywhere’ is flawed because we feel that we are a somebody sitting here as an entity.

What happens then? Our devotion then gets converted into attack, our inquiry then becomes an aversion. And yet, the feeling that ‘I am right’ is constant. So, this kind of (we call it the mind attack) mind attack where it’s saying ‘It’s this, it’s that; but look, look, look…’ is the voice of that suspicious friend [Makes a gesture of suspicion] ‘See, like that, like that!’ [Makes gesture of buying the suspicion] ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah.’ [Chuckles]

You guys were not here the other day. We were having a short Sangha meeting where we were saying (I was just laughing and saying) that so many us are so …, in Hindi we have this phrase

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‘Kan Ka Kaccha’ [which means] we just hear something (except, of course, whatever we hear in Satsang gets discarded quickly) [Laughs] everything else that we hear is so quickly taken to be some version of the truth. Everything is like ‘Yeah, yeah’ especially with this mind which seems to quickly say ‘I am your best friend, I am helping you. I am getting used to this and even your Master is against you actually. Even your Master is not realizing what he is doing; he is against you.’

More and more, what I am seeing also is that every time I feel like ‘Okay, I should help my children with this and that’ (in the worldly way, in some personal sense) …, that whole concept of ‘I will give them what they want so that one day they can want what I want to give them.’ [Chuckles] It just doesn’t work. At least here it doesn’t work, I have seen. Here, it just becomes then about ‘Okay, then this, and then what about this? Then what about that?’ I am like ‘Come on. What are we really talking about? What are we here for? What is really going on? What is Satsang?’

We all say we are in Sat-sang (the company of the Truth) but somewhere in all of that game, it also gets lost. So, I’m also learning not to maybe participate so much in this kind of thing. Something was clear here from the beginning about this, that I don’t want to be like a wish fulfilling genie. [Laughs] But as I go along, it’s becoming more and more clear that if it starts to feel ‘We can come to Satsang and our wishes will get fulfilled’ then it is not truly in service to what is being offered. It must not be about that.

It must be Truth for Truth’s sake. And all that I have said today is about this: Truth for Truth’s sake; not with a particular purpose, not for a particular idea.

Then what happens is that just as you confuse yourself to be a body/mind. You also confuse the Master to be this body/mind ‘Ananta.’ [Chuckles] It can become about this body/mind, and your body/mind; this kind of thing. But it is really not about that.

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Where Can You Find Your Self?

Q1: Father, I realized on retreat that the ego was afraid and keeping me from coming to you. After admitting this, a subtle shift happened. And it’s like Guruji [Sri Mooji] has said ‘Focus on the road, not the wipers.’ This life has been completely lived through the mind.

A:But it’s good that we notice this. It’s good that we notice this and now, as we notice this, we must not get too much into the post-mortem of it, like ‘What happened, why did it happen, how worthy or unworthy or guilty am I?’ It’s just to notice this and that ‘The mind has lost its hold over me.’ As we notice that this has been the mind, in that noticing the mind loses its hold.

So, if you’ve discovered that you’ve been eating in the kitchen of the mind, now don’t pick up its next plate which is going to offer up guilt and judgments about yourself.

Q2: Father, I’ve always been nagged by these questions: if this is a dream; am I in your dream or are you in mine?

A:[Chuckling] So, let’s look at the dream. Suppose you had a dream. In that dream, there was one A and there was a B. So, is A in B’s dream or B in A’s dream? That will answer your question.

I can repeat a little slowly. This is a common question; over the years I’ve heard it a few times. You will say ‘Is this my dream and you are in it? Or is this your dream and I’m in it?’

But if this is a dream and there are two charters in the dream (character A and character B) …, is character A dreaming about character B? Or is B dreaming about character A?

Q2: ‘Both A and B are in my dream.’

A: Exactly. Now this one that is having the dream, which character is it? Is it a character at all?

So, this one, that is not a character, that is not an entity, that is beyond Being and Non-Being, is You.

Don’t take my word for it, of course.

That is why you cannot find Your Self in time and space. You can look for the Self everywhere, in the holiest of places, but you will not find YourSelf there.

Where can you find YourSelf? If you cannot find Your Self in time and space. if you cannot find YourSelf on this side of the eyes, [Pointing outwards] where can you find YourSelf?

For the mind, this is a nonsense question. But I’m inviting you to look at it. I’m proposing this question to you: You cannot find it on the right, you cannot find it on the left, you cannot find it above you, you cannot find it below you, you cannot find it in front of you, you cannot find it

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behind you. Now where will you find YourSelf? You cannot find YourSelf inside you or outside you; what you think you are. Then where will you look?

Q3: You stop looking.

A:You stop looking. Then what happens? Q3: Then you just are.

A:What happened to Your Self?

Q4: How do I turn in the direction where the looking comes from?

There is no how. [Chuckling] Just ask yourself: Where does the looking come from?

So, whether you inquire in this way Whether you ask yourself ‘Who am I?’

Whether you surrender (‘Guru Kripa Kevalam – My Masters Grace is All There Is’) Whether you pick up my question to you which is:

‘To know one thing is to know too much. What do you know when you know nothing?’ (a question like this) …

Any of these tools are available to you.

What do they help you with?

They help you not to rely on this conceptual knowledge.

And as I tell you this, when you are empty of this, the complete, complete Truth is apparent to You, Right Now. Apparent to You …, but it has nothing for the mind. The mind cannot proclaim it or claim it, it cannot not deny it. No position about it is actually true.

Let go of this mind.

And let go does not mean that it should never come.

Let go only means it can come and go.

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Let Go of the Mind

When I say ‘Let go of the mind’ then what is your response?

Q:It is seen that now the mind is saying many things but here it doesn’t matter.

A:You say it is seen that now the mind is saying many things but here [from the perspective of the Self] it doesn’t matter. Good!

Q: It is too much of a statement to say ‘that the mind itself is saying.’

A: Let it come and go.

Q: I’m scared of losing my mind.

A:I’m scared of losing my mind, you say. Losing my mind? All the happiest ones you see are the ones who have lost their mind. That itself should be reassuring.

Q: Because so much of the credit is taken by the mind.

A:Okay, tell me what credit we can actually give to the mind? Is it beating your heart? Is it doing the breathing for you?

Q:No, but there are times when I feel that when I’m happy, my mind is like ‘Oh yeah, it’s a good day’ and the mind is also more relaxed. And when there are…

A:So, it is that ‘kidnapper’ (the mind). [Chuckles] ‘Today is a good day because my tormentor is not torturing.’

Q: Probably it is quieter on some days.

A: So, what if we get rid of this tormentor?

Q: Then it suddenly comes and says ‘Hey, how can you…?’

A:It sounds a bit like this Stockholm syndrome. You start falling in love with your tormentor. You feel like ‘I can’t do without him.’

Q:And sometimes, it’s like the amount of time I have spent listening to the mind is so much bigger in amount, so this pursuit itself, it starts questioning.

A:Of course, it does not like this at all. It will find every way to attack that which is being pointed to, who is pointing to it …, and you. It will doubt all of this. It will attack all of this because it doesn’t like it. That is the design of this mind. It’s like a video game, where this one is designed to make you believe that you are a video game character. But your mother outside is calling you back home saying ‘Stop playing now. It’s only making you tired.’

Q:And I think for me it’s more the mind still has more control over the body so when I feel sad, I feel I am not energetic that day at work; and the next day when I’m happier, it is because nothing is bothering me.

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A:Yes, yes, there are all these energetic sensational constructs that we experience. The feeling of sadness or the feeling of joy actually has nothing to do with the report of sadness or joy. It does seem to get amplified with it. If the feeling is there and the idea is there ‘Yes, I am feeling so sad’ then yes, it does seem to get lot more amplified. This is true.

But the fact is that the labelling of it, the terms … (what was I saying to someone the other day?): why do you call it sadness? I said if you call it (popcorn or something; what was it?) potatoes. Suppose you woke up with a mind one day which was very different. Sadness was coming and all the mind could say was ‘Oh, potato is here; oh, potatoes is here.’ [Chuckles] You see, you would not take yourself that seriously. These interpretations, these judgments, these labels actually seem to amplify our experience in some way. But I would not say it’s in any control whatsoever. Like I say: Does it know how to move a finger?

Q:I don’t know what I’m saying now. I don’t know what is going on.

A:[Chuckles] They say you have to fire a neuron the move a finger, you have to get the nerves activated; how do you do that?

Q: It happens.

A:It happens! [Laughter] Also, now physicists will be able to prove where every atom is going to be in the next moment in time; they will have some equation and they can tell you. So, this idea that I am moving my hand, it just operates on some physicist’s mathematical equation. So, it doesn’t have any control but it seems to claim that ‘I’m running your life.’ It does not know how to move a finger but tells you ‘What’s going to happen to your life without me?’

But that is why having a Master is so good. They are showing you what is going to happen. Guruji [Sri Mooji] has this nice way of saying it. He says ‘Okay, keep it away for sometime. It will be there for you. Try how it is without it.’ [Chuckles] It helps us get over our fear. Like ‘I will keep it safe for you. I will keep it in a safe locker box and you see how it is without it. And if you want it back, you can take it.’

Q: Sometimes it is also about the validation from other minds.

A: It thrives on it. The mind thrives on this; approval, validation, all these things.

Q:And then there was a statement that you had said last week, that even people on spiritual paths have this ‘Oh yeah, we are doing it right, we got it right.’

A: Of course. Spiritual ego is one of the stickiest egos ever made.

Q:It is a really hard time for me. It is a really hard time because the people around me are quite religious and I am the only one who is like this and sometimes I get confused. Am I in the middle? I’m not going there. And then I’m like ‘You are not supposed to feel proud about this’ but I don’t know what to do there. Then where are you?

A:What are you …, empty of positions?

Q:That is what I am trying to…

A:…get to? That would be a position if you had to get to It. If somebody was trying to tell me this 28 years ago, I would be like ‘What is he saying?’ It can sound like this. But even that is a position that ‘I

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have to get to it.’ Like, I have to get to my notion-less-ness or get to my position-less-ness. But you see all ‘get to’ is a notion; all ‘get to’ is a position.

What are you Now?

Q: In your Presence, it is nothing, absolutely. But the noise is so loud outside.

A:Okay, but at least then, you have a refuge. This is a conundrum question that I face. How do I answer you? Because [you say] ‘In your Presence, it’s all fine.’ I cannot speak to you without the Presence. [Gestures that he’s trying to take something out of himself and then looks flustered] [Laughter]

But I can remind you that this Presence, which for some time will feel like it is my Presence (like, Ananta’s Presence) actually it is Your own Presence. It’s Your own Divine Presence, unclouded by the clouds of your mind.

The mind will come with its ‘But…, but what about outside, but what about at work, but what about family?’ But nothing …, about anything. It just offers up these fake premises to you and says ‘What about this, what about that?’ It’s nothing.

In all of this: What is the story that it is selling to you? It’s selling you that you are this body/mind; only this.

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What Do You Really Know When You Know Nothing?

What do you know when you know nothing?

[Reading from chat]: “It’s perfect. Brings clarity though it gets a bit wobbly and appears as though I would need to constantly come back to the question so that I don’t fall hopelessly back into the mind’s play. Is this a constant effort of inquiry?”

It can feel a bit like that, especially initially this kind of question is so repulsive to the mind. It just feels like, either it will say ‘You got it. You got it. Stop it’ or ‘You’re hopeless at it. You’ll never get it. Stop it.’ You see? Any which way, stop it. But I’ve said also earlier that all the support that is needed is provided in the first sentence. And if you don’t understand this, it’s fine.

Trust me. [Chuckles] I know what I am talking about, which is that to know one thing, to know even one thing is to know too much. This is the infrastructure, the foundation, for the inquiry:

To know even one thing is to know too much.

What do you know when you know nothing?

It’s very, very, very simple; very straightforward …, except to the mind. But I’m also aware that this kind of tool, this kind of inquiry, the mind will resist with all its might because to the mind it will seem completely meaningless, pointless. ‘What are you getting because of it?’ It will have all these kinds of objections. That’s why it needs a certain level of openness, integrity, to really check. It is like saying that:

To put one drop is to fill my cup.

What does the empty cup look like?

To know one thing is to know too much.

What do I know when I know nothing?

[Silence]

Sometimes your minds are rebelling against this inquiry by saying ‘But this is questioning the fundamental Knowingness which itself is the substratum’ and all of these things. But it is not that, if you really look. Don’t accept this kind of doubt from the mind. Be true to YourSelf.

What do you really know when you know nothing?

[Reading from chat]: “Beloved Father, when I have the darshan of that, I discover that (as I am) has never tasted life.”

[Laughs] You know this? It is to know too much. If that has never tasted life then who else is here? This is the thing, every time we take a position, it’s garbage. It’s just nonsense. Give no credence to this kind of things. If you take them seriously, you will just be lost. This is just your mind’s attempt to play God. This is what it does. I’m pointing you to an emptiness. The mind will

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make these profound-sounding claims but they have nothing to do with Your Reality. They might even sound like the words of Satsang to you but they have nothing to do with Your Reality.

If some words do arise from true emptiness, then you could be saying ‘Blah, blah, blah’ [making gibberish sounds] and I’ll be at your feet.

Empty your cup.

Empty your cup.

Empty your cup.

[Silence]

Even our fanciest proclamations from the mind are just a ticket to misery-land.

[Reading from chat]: “Thank you, Father. To know not even one thing, even for a split second, is amazing.”

You let me make that report. You don’t know even this. [Chuckles] Because I’m completely aware of the tricks of the mind. It can start with subtle praise. In the beginning it will say ‘Yes, this is very good, this is really helping me, this is what I must do now.’ It will make all these conclusions and then when it switches ‘This is getting boring. This I can’t do now. This is pointless.’

Then because you had the credibility of the praise, then when the complaints come, then we start buying those also. So, you remain empty of even this. I know this trickster all too well. [Silence] Let the Master make that claim on your behalf. You remain as empty as possible.

Just come to this beautiful dropping; dropping of the mind, dropping of the imagination of the universe itself. Just come to the end of your notions. All distinctions, all duality, will vanish.

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Seeming Contradiction Between the Un-Manifest and the Manifest

Q:I just had the wish that you could speak and I’m trying to find some words. It is about a seeming contradiction. Being in this world and this body, and obviously having a lot of experiences. And on the other side, from this Seeing, nothing really matters. So, how it is here is

I’m just so not interested in anything. [Smiles] And yet these things are coming up. It is not really contradiction but it’s a contradiction somehow. Experience is a contradiction. In a way, I doubt. But I cannot say anything more about it. It is just … I think you know what I mean.

[Chuckles] And if you could say something then that would be great. [Chuckles] Thank you. [Smiles]

A:Yes. You said rightly that it is like a seeming contradiction and the minute you say ‘seeming’ then you just realize that it seems like one. It is like …, what is a good metaphor? It is like you’re wearing these speckles. Now, suppose that you got completely identified with these spectacles. So, they are the lenses; it seems like you see this world through this lens. So, these spectacles.

And you can feel like ‘But it’s such a contradiction. I am in this world, as these speckles, and I am also here as this body.’

So, what is happening in Satsang is that you are recognizing that you are not in this world, as if you are this body, but actually, in a way, the world itself is your body. The world is your manifest aspect. And the only seeming contradiction then is your un-manifest and your manifest

and trying to use the mind to reconcile them. [Smiles] Of course, the central part every time this world appears, it ‘seems to be’ although we cannot truly confirm this. It seems to be the persistent appearance of this one body, which seems to have this central perspective.

So, my advice with this would be to not to worry about it at all; to not try de-construct it, to not try understanding anything about it. Then you will see that these distinctions will start fading on their own. Like ‘This is the body.’ You will not be able to find so clearly that this is my body and this is another body. What is the term the body used for?

I was saying yesterday or day before like that ‘What we call be body actually is more cells than the stars in the Milky Way.’ [Smiles] So when we say ‘I relate to myself as the body’ are we talking about ourselves relating to ourself as trillions of cells? Nobody relates to themselves as trillions of anything because the mind cannot fathom trillion. It just has a label. It can never fathom a trillion. It can fathom ten, twenty, hundred, may be a thousand but after thousands, it loses the ability to process. It cannot deal with bigger numbers than that. So, nobody is looking at themselves as these trillions of these cells. They just have an idea with themselves as whatever sensations are available at the moment, that we are this sensation. ‘This is the body and this sensation is what I am’ …, whatever set of few sets of sensations which are available in that moment? Because they seem sensorially intimate so we say ‘This is what I am.’ But actually, this is very, very unbelievable almost, in a sense, because it is clear to you in this moment that these sensations are just happening within You. And there is a greater reorganization at all times that ‘I am that space in which these sensations are appearing.’ Whether they are visual, whether they are seemingly internal; it doesn’t really matter.

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It is only that our mental knowledge is so centered around this centrality of body that it seems like ‘This is what I am here as.’ But no body actually has this experience also, that they here as this.

Is it clear to everyone that these sensations are within you? [Smiles]

So, what are we really identified with? Neither are we identified with what science is telling us that there are trillions of cells here because we cannot even fathom these trillions of cells, nor are we identified with the sensations which are just appearing. It is just that the mind is offering a label constantly saying that ‘Okay, this is the body. This is what you are. And these experiences, these sensations, have to be controlled in some sense.’ And we say ‘That’s why I’m identified with this.’

But as we lose this mind, as we lose this knowledge, then we don’t have to worry about this at all. We do not have to worry about this at all. The truth is SO obvious. The truth of what You Are will become so obvious as these clouds of knowledge will start to fade away that these doubts will just seem like the silliest, the craziest doubts. They will seem so far out, which they are. But it is just that we got used to identify with them. We got used to identifying as if we are this label called the body, although we are not even clear as to what it represents.

We might say that ‘Oh, it represents this and this.’ But what is this? We don’t know. [Smiles] If we break it down to any level …, like, I can say ‘trillions of cells.’ You say ‘No, that is not what I am identified with.’ If I say ‘It is just an object made out of food, just an object made out of food and water.’ You will say ‘No, no, I can’t be food and water.’ Then we can’t identify with any sort of real way of looking. [Smiles] And when I say ‘real’ I’m saying in a phenomenal way of looking. It is just that we got attached to one idea of a ‘me’ central to which seems to be the notion of body; when actually, we’re not so attached to this bucket of food and water, this bucket of flesh and blood. [Smiles] We cannot be.

So, it’s good; even this doubt you exposed it. And it’s very natural for us to have it, in a sense. But you will find that in these explorations, in this inquiry, in the invitation, in the question ‘Who am I?’ (whatever tools we have) that these kinds of doubts will not have much power over us. But don’t pick up any concept that you have to balance something. Do not pick any concept that you have to balance life as the body and you have to balance your spiritual life as All There Is. [Smiles] These kinds of things, if you try to balance them, it becomes impossible. Nobody can balance. I’m just saying for everyone that nobody can actually balance being All There Is with being one tiny, miniscule object. [Smiles]

Q:What came up when you were speaking about this just this now is that it is very subtle belief system. You have no words for the beliefs systems but you see that they are belief systems. And then it is just this belief, this habit; really just the habit. This is happening. Something like this.

And to trying to balance is no, no …, it is too painful. [Smiles] Just painful. [Chuckles] Thank you.

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A:Yes, I have said that trying to balance like this is like trying to board an airplane with one foot in the ground. It is as painful as that. [Smiles] But you are noticing; it is very good that you’re noticing certain belief systems (which you cannot even find the words for).

Now, you will start to notice soon that even time and space are just belief systems; that even time and space is just belief systems. And ultimately, you will notice that even ‘I am’ is just a belief system. [Smiles] Even this holiest sense, this Presence ‘I Am’ ultimately relies on this belief system. So, it gets subtler and subtler, and you will notice how much we had ideas about things, how many ideas we had about this existence and what exists. But this Existence Itself ultimately is a belief system within the Absolute.

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Only When the Distinctions Are Removed Do We Get True Peace

Q:You said it is a cloud of knowledge. That’s all it is?

A:Yes, it is a cloud of notions, it is a cloud of concepts.

Q:Once erased, it’s erased.

A:[Laughter] Once erased, then there is no time itself left. You see? Once erased …, like even our idea of temporal or spatial world relies on our notions of the world in that way. In Satsang, we might feel like ‘Okay, our notions of grievances, of regret, of pride, of arrogance, of ownership, of attachment; all of these are notions are going to go …, and then I’ll be left with a very normal life to lead’ or something like that. We’ve heard ‘chopping wood, fetching water.’ But as you really take on this exploration, you will see that all of these will go; and then the subtler ones will go and then the subtler ones, then the subtler ones …, till we are left with no idea about anything but a very, very true Knowingness about everything. Like no distinction about anything, but just like a ‘not two-ness’ with everything. And ‘time’ will have a very different quality than we think it does right now. Like right now, we might be thinking ‘So, if this happens, then what happens as a result of that?’ or something like that. But all of these things of time, of cause and effect …, you’ll have a very different perspective about this.

Q: So, where is this stored, Father? Where is this stored?

A:It is within You, Your own Being, Your own Consciousness.

Q:Not in the body though, right?

A:The body is nothing but …

Q: Not in the memory?

A:All of these are just labels for different aspects of Consciousness. We can say energetic aspects of Consciousness, but we can just say Consciousness. Unless You Are, is there a memory?

Q: I don’t know. [Chuckles]

A:You don’t have to know actually, because I am pointing you to something deeper. You don’t have to take on these minor explorations (except if they are fun for you). But then you have to just hear what I am saying, which is that all of this (body, memory, emotional level of existence, intellectual level of existence, bodily level of existence, worldly level of existence, all of these) are just various aspects of Your own Being. Now, you come to a point where you don’t have to make any distinction. You don’t have to deal with (like Guruji would say) branch after branch; like ‘Is this branch, is it good to cut?’ Or ‘What is helpful for the tree?’ Like that. You are just going straight for the root. You’re going straight for the root. So, as we go straight for the root,

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you will wonder as to why humanity, in a sense, even had to make all these labels. Did they bring more clarity or did they bring further confusion actually?

Like even this label between body and mind is just looking at some energy construct which operates this way (we call that body) and some energy construct that operates that way (we call that mind) then look at some another energy construct which operates seemingly in another way (we call that world). And you’ll look and you’ll wonder and say ‘Wow, did these actually bring any sort of peace or clarity? Or did these distinctions actually only make platforms for misery?

Q: More confusion.

A:More confusion. Once you start to make these distinctions, and we identify with them (like ‘I am this body/mind). Then we also have this fantastic notion that this one [body/mind] should get peace. But no one, as that one, has ever gotten peace. [Chuckles] So, it is only when the distinctions are removed that we experience that true peace.

Q:Father, the main practice, from the person level, whatever, is to just observe, without engaging or pushing whatever is appearing. And it is easy when the eyes are closed. For when the eyes are open, I need more help, Father.

A:Yes. I gave someone a contemplation to help with this a little bit. It is more of an experiment than a contemplation. What you could do is find a room in your house which when you shut off the lights (maybe at night time) there is no light. When it’s very dark, then keep your eyes open.

Then try with keeping your eyes open and seeing what changes. You’ll see that nothing changes, in that way. So, just experiment with this. Then this feeling of distinction between closed eyes and open eyes might start to fade away a bit.

Q: Yes, that should be easy; that’s the next step, Father.

A:[Laughter] You come and report what that was, what you found. Because we can have an idea that we think we know what will happen. See if it is comfortable, if it’s natural. See if you can stay for 10-15 minutes with eyes open in a completely dark room.

Q: Yes, that should be okay.

A:You’ll see that it’s not that which it has been made to be about; the opening or closing of this instrument. It’s just about the appearances or non-appearances on the screen. That is why I’m saying that once you experiment, then this will resonate more.

Q: Will do. Thank you, Father.

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Allow Yourself to Remain in the Unborn Mind

As many of you are allowing yourself to remain in the unborn mind, I’ve gotten a few reports (at least three or four last week) that ‘I’m feeling very disoriented.’ And this is very natural, actually. I won’t call it a dis-orientation but a re-orientation …, where you’re going from the idea that you are an object limited by time and space; now, many of you are finding that time and space is not as solid as we considered it to be. It is not so substantial as you thought.

This can sound a bit strange because even until this moment now many of you might think that ‘I’m here in Satsang personally.’ You might feel that ‘I’m going to get something as an individual entity.’ But you’ve invited a much greater force into your life …, that which takes you beyond all your own notional boundaries and limitations, beyond your own ideas of what is and what is not.

So, don’t be surprised and also don’t give it too much value. Don’t be surprised and also don’t give too much value to anything which might seem out of the ordinary because it is truly nothing for You in Your Reality.

Many times, it is also the wonderful experiences which can make it seem that ‘It is actually about this.’ If, for example, you have the experience that time and space is no longer a limitation for you, enjoy it as long as it lasts but don’t make that a ‘thing.’ It is not even about that …, as we remain in this emptiness.

Some of you are feeling ‘But we are having no experiences like this; no mystical, no esoteric, no nothing.’ [Chuckles] But that is also fine. In fact, that might be better. (Actually, nothing is better or worse.) It is also good, in a way, that nothing is coming to distract you, to make you attracted to these kinds of experiences. Because the truth of what I am pointing to is un-miss-able. No matter what the content of your experience is, it is beyond all experiences.

Allow yourself to remain in this ‘unborn.’

[Silence]

And soon you will be astounded at your own ideas of limitations. What can be and what cannot be, what should be and what shouldn’t be; these will hold no power.

How do we remain in this unborn?

Realize, recognize, that our conceptual knowing, to know even one thing conceptually, is like putting dust in your own eyes.

When you know nothing, when you are conceptually empty, what is it that you actually know?

[Silence]

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So, this kind of inquiry is like a very potent looking, a very potent emptying. In fact, the looking and the emptying are not-two here. It’s a very potent meditation on the unborn.

I’m also aware that for some of you, you’re just feeling like ‘What is this? It makes no sense.’ [Chuckles] ‘This makes no sense. What is he saying?’ And for those of you who are right now feeling like ‘But this kind of question makes no sense!’ …, that is fine. It is not meant to make sense to your mind. [Repeats] It is not meant to make sense to your mind.

Even the statement ‘To know even one thing is to know too much’ …, there is nothing that the mind can do with this because it will make an attempt to know this but even that knowing conceptually is too much. This can be joyous for some and this can be frustrating for some; and either is fine.

When you ask yourself: ‘What do I know when I know nothing?’ …, this beautiful inquiry into a naked looking, an open exploration empty of conceptual baggage, is invited.

But you don’t need to know any of this actually. [Silence] This inquiry into the unborn will burn even your spiritual notions about yourself, your ideas about what you think Satsang is for. The very sticky idea that ‘you are the cat looking now for your ultimate bowl of milk which is nirvana or enlightenment, freedom’ will get driven away from its root.

Here, the ‘not-two’-ness of Advaita and ‘the unborn mind’ of the Zen Masters will reveal itself on its own. In fact, you will realize that it has always been apparent in Reality …, but only seemed to get clouded by the mind, by your thoughts.

Also, some of you will hate this; will hate this at times. Even those who seem to love it at the moment may hate it soon. And vice versa; some of you might hate it now and love it soon. But it’s fine.

My advice is to stay with this. I know many of you want to run. When you realize that there is nothing for ‘me’ here, you want to run. And that is fine, too. But one day, sometime, we will have to have this conversation in whatever form we have it; it is unavoidable. One day you will have to see through these clouds of your notions, your concepts, your belief systems. And the feeling here is to come to this very naked spirituality which is empty of all of these pretenses.

Now, the thing is that anything as potent as this, for anything as potent as this, the mind will have one trump card; it will try to make this about you, about ‘me.’ Just notice this. Because what is happening is not about the ‘me’ at all. But you still might buy some idea about ‘So, what’s happening to me now? How much progress am I making?’

Just notice it and in your noticing it, you will discard it.

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Blessings

(From 2018 Guru Purnima Day)

Guru Kripa Kevalam

Satguru Sri Mooji Baba ki Jai!

These Indian festivals are very sweet. [Smiles] Very sweet because they are a beautiful reminder of what we are supposed to be in Gratitude of every day. When these days come, they remind us to make sure that we do them once a year at least. [Chuckles] It’s also very sweet that we play with light in this way …, the bringer of light, actually. The Guru’s Presence is the true bringer of light in our lives. And in a playful way, we want to capture it in this little light [Refers to Pooja light with the flame burning] that we play with. And then we share with everyone this light.

And what is this light?

What is this light that the Master brings to our life?

All confusion, all frustrations, all lack of clarity, is removed in this light. The Satguru’s Presence is enough to not only take care of our phenomenal life but bring us to our non-phenomenal Truth, the Self. Just the Presence is enough. In a way, if we don’t hide from it, if we don’t play this game of hide and seek, then the Master’s Presence is enough to take care of everything in our life. And most importantly, including the recognition of That which we always were, that Unchanging Self.

This is the day we pay homage, express our gratitude to the Satguru’s Presence in our life …, in the most beautiful expression possible as Sri Mooji Baba, our Beloved Father. [Folds hands] All of this is only his Grace. It is his light which is bringing so much light into this world, so much peace into so many lives. A simple glance from his eyes is enough to take care of our entire lives.

We have to go open. We have to let go of this notion of ‘my way’ and get on this beautiful ‘Guru train.’ Once you get on this beautiful Guru train, there is nothing to worry about. [Smiles]

You don’t go to a doctor and tell him what to do. You go to a doctor then the doctor takes care of it. So, having a Master is like having the best cheat code for this game called life. [Smiles] You enter Guru Kripa Kevalam [meaning ‘All is the Master’s Grace’] and all things are taken care of. [Laughs] All things! I promise you; all things are taken care of. But they might not go according to your plan. [Laughs] It is not a cheat code in that way. We might feel that we enter Guru Kripa Kevalam and everything will go into a personal-god mode. No. It is not according to our plan but Satguru’s plan. How he wants to use this instrument, this body, then is up to him.

This is the day we actually celebrate this kind of surrender, this kind of devotion. We have to be at the feet of this purest expression of Consciousness, which leads you to the heart’s highest desire: freedom. All expressions of Consciousness reveal themselves in his Presence. All expressions. Whatever form of Consciousness you might be devoted to truly reveals itself to you in the Satguru’s Presence.

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Thank you, Father. Thank you so much for being such a beautiful guiding light in all our lives.

May our head forever be at your lotus feet. May we always remember that it is Your Grace, and everything is only Your Grace.

May every thought, every problem, every frustration, everything in our lives be dissolved in Your Grace. May our identity become light as a feather.

May this life become God’s play, Your play.

Thank You, Thank You, Beloved Father. [Namaste]

Thank you for bringing Shiva, Arunachala, Bhagavan, Papaji, all the Masters into our lives through Your Holy Presence.

May we never forget the privilege it is to be at Your feet, to have had one Darshan even of Your physical form.

All of us are Your children here at your feet.

Please keep Your hand at our heads.

Thank You for this privilege.

Satguru Sri Mooji Baba Ki Jai!

Guru Kripa Kevalam.

~ ~ ~

Mooji Baba ki Jai !

Ananta ji ki Jai !

books by ananta

ARE YOU AWARE NOW

March 19, 2016

Based on a series of talks given by Ananta between April to August 2014. “You are always the Awareness itself, and as Awareness you know that all that is appearing in front of you is just an appearance. There is no one here besides You. All appearances are a play of Consciousness. You stay as the Awareness itself. Once the one that wants to help vanishes, then pure grace and help will flow from You, from your Being itself. Do not get confused, my beloveds. This is all for your own good, for your own freedom. There is only You. You are all there is. All emerges from your own Being. And the way to bless the entire Being is to find your complete freedom.”

CAN YOU STOP BEING

March 19, 2016

Can You Stop Being consists of excerpts taken from some of Ananta's earliest Satsang's between August to October, 2014. “Ask yourself right now: Can I stop being now? In this question you will see that there is a Being here; your own Presence, which cannot be stopped. This Being is not a man or a woman, it is just Being. Irrespective of what happens in the story of this life, this Being is unaffected, unchanged, untouched Consciousness. Prior to I am a person, I am a man, I am a partner, I am a parent, I am a child, prior to all of this: ‘I Am’.

DONT BELIEVE YOUR NEXT THOUGHT

March 19, 2016

This book is a selection of Satsang dialogues that took place between Novemmeber 2014 to October 2015. “Although it can sound simple, almost trivial, but to not believe our next thought is to experience the freedom, the non-resistive, non-suffering state, right now. You cannot suffer without buying your next thought. Even if you believed all your previous thoughts, this fresh moment is so beautiful and powerful that all prior conditioning has dissolved already unless we pick up the tree of conditioning again by pulling at the branch of the next thought.”

AWARENESS ITSELF IS AWARE OF AWARENESS

April 1, 2016

This book is a selection of satang dialogues that took place between January and February, 2016. “You see, the Knowing is always Knowing. Awareness is always Aware, and This is always 'I'. So although Being is coming to a realization of its Source, The 'I' has always been 'I' . Even in the playing of ‘I’ as ‘I Am’, ‘I’ has remained as ‘I’.”

BEYOND ALL CONCEPTS

May 24, 2016

This book is a selection of satang dialogues that took place between March and May, 2016. “That’s why I say that ‘You are free now’. What does that mean? As Awareness you are free. But the advice is ‘Keep coming to satsang’. For who? For the Beingness. There is nothing here for the person. You see? So Consciousness in this monologue is saying to Itself: ‘Hey, buddy, you know, it’s good, what we’ve walked together so far, but let’s just keep at it’. You know? That’s the real monologue that God is having with Itself. It’s all part of the game.”

FREEDOM IS NOW

July 13, 2016

This book is a compilation of short, poignant talks taken from online Satsangs with Ananta between 19th May to 11th July 2016. It is not the recognition which is difficult. More difficult is to give up our stories. But That which You Are, (and you’re recognizing it now), cannot have a story. That which is not phenomenal cannot have a story. That within which all phenomenon is born and dissolves cannot have a story. You Are This.

WHO IS AWARE OF AWARENESS

August 26, 2016

Based on a series of talks given by Ananta in July and August 2016. “Can it be that all the wise ones were fooling us with their imploration ‘Know Thyself’ just so that one day we would come to this conclusion that ‘The Truth about the Self is unknowable’? The Realization of the Self is completely possible! The Self is completely Knowable! But not in the way we think. Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi's repeated advice to inquire ‘Who Am I?’ and Nisargadatta Maharaj's guidance to stay with the sense ‘I Am’ was not so that one day they could say ‘Fooled you!’ There is a big clue in the phrase ‘Know Thyself’. The clue is to look at this Knowing itself.”

MEET ME HERE WHERE WE ARE ONE

November 16, 2016

This is the 8th book of Ananta Satsang talks, taken from online satsangs from 5th September to 19th October 2016. Meet me here where we are One. Meet me here where the universe is just a tiny firefly. Meet me here before time and space. Meet me where meeting Me is to meet Yourself.

THE GREATEST GIFT

December 28, 2016

This book contains simple pointings, contemplations, guided inquiry and powerful discussions from online satsangs between 26th Oct. to 15th Dec. 2016. “I feel [this] is the gist of what has been shared from here over the years; the gist of what Advaita Vedanta really is trying to convey. It has been a great gift in this life here. Meeting all of you also has been the greatest gift that my Master has given. I have so much gratitude in my Heart for all of you. Thank you for being this beautiful Sangha, my beautiful friends and family. May we all never forget the beautiful grace we have all had in our lives to have the opportunity to be at the feet of Satguru Sri Moojiji.”

THIS SIMPLE SEEING

October 24, 2017

Based on a series of talks from Satsang with Ananta, April through September 2017." What witnesses everything and Itself remains unchanging? This one sentence is more than enough, actually." "Satsang is nothing but these two aspects, which are completely inter-linked: What is it that I truly Am? and the dissolution of the belief in this idea of limitation."

TRUTH BEYOND CONCEPTS

January 8, 2018

Based on a series of talks from Satsang with Ananta, from first of October through end of December 2017. “If it is picked up, it is picked up. Now it's gone. No concept has ever survived this moment. Isn’t this good news? No concept has ever, ever survived this moment. You are empty of it Now.”

YOUR NOTIONLESS EXISTENCE

February 27, 2018

This book is a compilation of a series of Satsang talks from 1st January through 23rd February, 2018. “Look at truly what your starting point already is. Once you See that in the beginning itself You are All-There-Is, then what to do with this idea of getting something? These are the gifts of our notionless Existence. As we don’t create a notional, conceptual boundary about ourselves, as we include all sensations and perceptions in our own Being, we See that ‘I witness all of this. There is only One without another and This is MySelf.’ This is Your starting point already. This is the best news.”

EVERYTHING IS THE GURUS GRACE

June 19, 2018

This book has been compiled from online Satsangs, 1st March to 14th June 2018. “The bigger meaning of Grace is that it is the will of Consciousness Itself which is all-inclusive. Everything is included in that. This is Grace. When we say ‘Guru Kripa Kevalam’ it means ‘Only the Master’s Grace Is.’ We start to see then that it is one unfolding; it is one movement of Consciousness. The physical form of the Master is the embodiment of this Satguru, the Divine Presence in Your Heart. Everything is unfolding in Its light. This Guru is the light of our Existence. We will See ultimately that everything is the Grace of this Divine Presence; everything is this Satguru’s Grace, is God’s Grace.”

WHAT DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU KNOW NOTHING

August 29, 2018

Taken from online Satsangs 25th June to 21st August 2018, these simple pointings, contemplations, guided inquiries and interactions with sangha are full of Ananta’s direct insights, love and laughter.“It is not possible to find the Absolute through conceptual or perceptual understanding. I’m pointing you to emptiness. To put one drop is to fill my cup. What does the empty cup look like? To know one thing is to know too much. What do I know when I know nothing?”

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