Beyond All Concepts

Ananta

2016 Sangha of Being

About Ananta

Ananta gives satsang with the blessings of his Master, Sri Mooji. He lives in Bangalore, India with his wife, son and daughter. Usually he offers satsang with sangha in attendance via Youtube with Google Hangout on-line satsang. See Ananta Facebook page for Satsang schedules, contact, information and updates of satsang with Ananta.

Links

Satsang with Ananta Youtube channel and satsang link is:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmc83jyrwpCNBT2xywXVoLg/feed

Website: www.anantasatsang.org

Facebook site: https://www.facebook.com/satsangwithananta

Sangha Facebook site: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sanghabeing/

This is the 5th book of Ananta satsang talks. This book is a compilation of short, poignant talks taken from online satsangs with Ananta, from 26th March 2016 to 18th May 2016.

Transcribed and collected with love by the Sangha, edited by Amaya, while keeping Ananta's words as they were delivered so that his voice is heard as we read his words. The notation of Q: means satsang guest/questioner. In deepest love and gratitude to Anantaji (nicknamed ‘Father’ by some), as an offering to all who seek Truth and freedom from suffering through these simple pointings.

Blessing

I know already that the Grace that brought you here is working in its own beautiful way to bring the clearest recognition of Yourself to You.

My blessing is that:

May none of you leave here as ‘person’.

May you only leave as Presence.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I love you all so very much.

Let's chant OM together to break the silence.

The truest silence is not the absence of words.

It is the absence of egoic identity.

And may this silence for you continue, irrespective of the presence or absence of words.

Arunachala Shiva ki Jai !

Bhagavan Shri Ramana Maharshi ki Jai !

Satguru Sri Papaji ki Jai !

Satguru Sri Moojiji ki Jai !

[Sangha]: Anantaji ki Jai!

Sangha ki Jai!

Review of Satsang Basics:

Consciousness Recognizing Its Source

I feel somehow to cover the basics today because it feels like a while that we haven't done that. Most of us, we come to satsang first, what is it that we mostly want? We want to be rid of our suffering. We feel like so much has happened to us, and this life is unstable…, ‘My relationships are unstable, I'm not getting a control over my life. So how do I rid myself of suffering?’ That's the first impulse, first motivation, so to speak, to come to satsang, isn't it?

And then what we realize very quickly after we come to satsang is that all suffering is personal. Without relying on an idea of myself as a person, I cannot really suffer. So we see that all suffering is personal.

How did it come about that we started to believe ourself to be this person? Is it our natural state to be a person? Is it our original-ness to be a person?

And then we look and we find that, yes, the appearance of the body is here. But the body is mostly unconcerned…, completely unconcerned actually with the state of relationships, the state of financial security, with all personal concerns. The body is not really concerned; including the health of the body itself the body is not concerned about.

So who is this one? And how did it come about that we start to believe ourself to be a person? And we find that it is impossible to do without listening to the ‘lawyer’ of this person; we have a story that the lawyer is selling, and then we believe ourself to be this person.

So, this one is which one? Intimate to us. And ever since we've been children, since we've been two [years old], we've heard this voice which has been telling us things about seemingly-ourselves; but really about this fictional entity, fictional non-entity called a ‘person’. And because it has been there for so long, it seems to have some authority and it gets our belief.

Now, when we come into satang and we say ‘I want to rid myself of this suffering; I'm tired of suffering’ then we realize that all suffering firstly is ‘person’ and nothing else except this voice of the mind is representing this person. Nothing else is representing the separation except this voice.

Therefore, to be rid of suffering, what must we do? Not identify with this voice.

Which means what? Not believe what it is saying or selling.

That's why, (although it can sound simple, almost trivial), to not believe our next thought is to experience the freedom, the non-resistive, non-suffering state, right now. You cannot suffer without buying your next thought. Even if you believed all your previous thoughts, this fresh moment is so beautiful and powerful that all prior conditioning has dissolved already; unless we pick up the tree of conditioning again by pulling at the branch of the next thought. There's so much power. There's a book called ‘The Power of Now’. This is also a power of Now, that in this moment, you are free. All prior conditioning, even if it is millions of years old, is not here now, unless you tug at it. Unless the seller comes and you buy from it, it's gone. Isn't that tremendous? It is gone. It is done.

And even when we do buy it, it's not such a terrible thing, because this moment again, it is gone. There is no way to lose this game. [Chuckles] Conditioning cannot win, unless you still feel like playing as a conditioned, non-existent entity. And if you still feel like playing that, then nothing can stop you from it.

So then what can happen is that we start letting go, dropping our belief in some thoughts. And those which are seemingly meaningful to us, those we still pick up. And they could be the spiritual ones now; the glorious-seeming ones. Those could be picked up. Now the thoughts could also change. It could feel like the mind is now changing and it has become very spiritual actually. It's giving you very scriptural words and thoughts are much more well-dressed. Don't buy them. Because if you buy this one also, it is with the presumption that ‘I have become a very spiritual person’ or ‘I have become a very special person now because I know this, which is a super-glorious thing to know’. It is of no value actually.

No value actually, why? Because suppose the thought is ‘I am That’ or ‘I am Awareness’…, if it is just a thought and not really a pointer to the real looking or the real checking, if you're saying that ‘I'm Awareness. I know this. I don't need to check anymore’ then it just becomes a concept. And when life comes with its seemingly-strong situations, when the mind is blasting about various things and what could happen to you and what your life will become, then you insert one more dichotomy into it. So the mind is saying ‘You're in big trouble’…, ‘Oh, I am Awareness’…, ‘You're in big trouble’…, Oh, I am Awareness’. [Chuckles] It's worse suffering than even believing the thought ‘You're in big trouble’.

No, it's true. [Chuckles] Although it sounds funny, the thing is that such great dichotomy happens that it seems like your suffering can actually intensify when we try to counter one thought with another thought. And this is from my own experience. I remember when I used to know all of these things, and I felt like I knew everything. And then when suffering came, (my business was going down the drain, there were fights at home, all of this was happening), none of these concepts were really helping at all; in fact they were making it worse. ‘If I Am That, then what is it that is feeling the pain; what is suffering?’ So it was just becoming worse because of this. And ultimately, even that is grace. Because that is when the conceptual framework is seen to be completely useless, you see? Unless it is only a pointer for our inquiry. So the minute we get into this space of ‘I know this now, and therefore I don't need to look anymore’ we must be wary of such proclamations and saying that we have ‘arrived at this level’ or something like that.

So, what did we see? We saw that all suffering is personal, and the person idea has to be continuously nourished with new fodder, new thoughts, new nourishment of belief in fresh thoughts. Because we saw in the ‘right now’ all our prior conditioning is gone. We are free. But we tug at it. If we give our belief to one branch of the tree then the entire tree seems to be here. The non-existent person seems to be real because the power of belief is our power to pretend.

And there can be some questions about ‘Which thoughts are these that I should drop, and which thoughts should I continue to pick up?’ And I say that we don't need to pick up any thought; for two reasons:

One is that: All thoughts, even if they're proclaiming the most glorious truth, are still referring to you as if you are person, as if you are a separate entity. It cannot fathom the truth of what You are, therefore it has to go with the pretense of what you are. Therefore, for all thoughts, the premise is the personal ‘I’.

And the second reason is: Even if a sense of needing guidance still remains, you will find that with the dropping of allegiance to our mind, you will find that the intuitive sense will become more and more seemingly available to you. It was always there. But now that you've dropped allegiance to this energy called the mind, the intuitive Presence, the intuitive energy seems to become more in focus. So, even you will not be left without guidance, without ‘what to do’. The seeming-identity that still remains will not be without guidance. Your inner satsang or your outer satsang will still be available to you, so that you can throw away what little bit still seems to get your belief in spite of the intent not to believe.

So what is important to see here is the sense of not believing our thoughts is not a constricted space, in fact it is a very open space. Like a great zen master said ‘Both doors are open. All thoughts are allowed to come and go. Just we are not serving them tea’.

Now ‘serving them tea’ could be interpreted in two ways. The first way is that: ‘I am not going to look at them. Whatever visitors are coming, I'm just going to hide’. But in that, there seems to be a lot more effort. ‘Who came? Got to peek into what came’. What we are resisting seeing seems to become very attractive for us to see. So the play with attention in this way is not really required. So ‘Don't serve them tea’ must simply mean ‘Stay where you are. Allow them to come and go. Don't give them meaning. Don't give them belief. Don't make them relevant. Don't identify’. Then we find great openness is the allowing everything to come and go. Then you truly will not be able to say in that moment that ‘I am suffering’ or ‘Something is happening to me’. This itself…, for those who are coming for this urge of Self-discovery, this itself is tremendous, that the seeming burden of suffering can no longer afflict us, in the simple sense of not engaging with the next visitor which comes through the door, not believing our next thought.

And I would like to feel that most of you now, having been in satsang for some time, (except for momentarily or short periods of time), are not really personally suffering in this way. And yet we find that there is a primal urge to go further into this; the urge for Self-discovery mostly does not come to an end at the end of this seeming personal suffering. And where does it usually go next?

Traditionally it has been said that even the greatest of sages, when they first went to their Masters, they went with this question: Can you show me God? Swami Vivekananda also had this question when he went to his Master: Can you show me God? It is natural for this question to come, because we've had a concept of God, we've had an idea about God. And this urge for Self-discovery mostly brings us to this point which is: What is God? Can you show me God?

Now, God is a word which has many, many definitions. So before we look further into it, let's clarify. When we [meaning Ananta] look into God here, what is the definition that we are following? So when we refer to God in satsang, we are referring to God as Consciousness, which is traditionally how God has been referred to. In various cultures across the world, God has been referred to as this Consciousness. Like it is said in the Bible: ‘I Am that I Am’.

So, this ‘I Am-ness’, this Beingness, this Consciousness…, there was a long period of time here where it was completely unclear. ‘What it means? This Beingness?’ Often I have said that while I was reading ‘I Am That’ there were also experiences that were happening here. Because [Nisargadatta] Maharaj would keep saying ‘Stay with the sense I Am. Stay with the sense I Am. Just stay with the sense I Am’. [He said]: ‘For three years, just three years, I stayed with the sense ‘I Am’ and everything was dropped’.

I just couldn't fathom what is this ‘I Am’. What made it happen? I don't know. At the end of the day, I have to say ‘I don't know’ and I have to say ‘Grace’. Because when it became clear what this sense ‘I Am’ was, I was actually sitting in an auto-rickshaw, (which is also called ‘tuk tuk’), just from here to the office which was maybe 500 meters away. Looking there, and just sitting in an auto-rickshaw, it was just simply ‘Oh, this. It has always been here, this sense of Being. It's always been this. This is the sense I Am’. It was so apparent and obvious, that even at that moment when I looked back I said ‘What was the frustration and confusion?’ I couldn't fathom it. So I have to say that it is Grace; although there was a lot of looking, looking, looking…, ‘What is I Am? What is I Am?’ I did a lot of film-style fighting with God saying ‘Why can't you show me? What is this I Am?’ All this fancy stuff happened. But then, when it became apparent, there was not even inquiry which was happening. It was just..., like that.

So the feeling, when it comes to express from here, is just a sense that ‘What would have helped that boy inquire a little better? If this one had an opportunity to go back in time and speak to that one and help him in some way, what is the way in which I would like to communicate with that one?’ And my feeling from here is that I would ask that one whether you can stop being now.

Instead of trying to search for Being, the inversion of the question I find very useful. But I have no real way of knowing whether even that would have been understood then. But my feeling is that to ask the question in this way ‘Can you stop being now?’ would make the inquiry a little more focused, a little more obvious, a little more clear; instead of saying ‘Can you find your Being?’ That is why I offer this question to you.

If you say ‘Can you show me God, Consciousness, Being, Atma?’ whatever you call it, then I offer you this question: ‘Can you stop being?’ And we see the sense ‘I exist. I am’ is here, the Presence is here. You cannot stop being. We don't need to imagine it, we don't need to make a picture out of it. It is just this sense of existence. I Am. It is not the thought ‘I am’. It is only the sense ‘I Am’…, the Presence ‘I Am’. I exist.

And very naturally, we know this to be true. Because we say ‘I went to sleep. I woke up’. And it's very natural for us to say ‘I am feeling this way. I am doing this. I am going there’. So this ‘I-ness’, this ‘I Am-ness’, this Beingness is very naturally clear. But for the mind, it's very confusing because the mind itself is a product of this Being. We say ‘My mind is very noisy today’. This ‘my’ is what? ‘My outside environment is very frustrating today. My family is being very trouble-some today. My life is not going the way that I would like. My story has been one of so much struggle. I am suffering from this, this and this’.

Who is this one? Who is this one that even has the ability to attach stories to itself?

Everything that we say after ‘I am…’ is a story. Everything that we believe after ‘I am…’ is a condition. And all the conditioning is just attributes that have been attached to the sense ‘I Am’.

But it is important to see that in actuality Being is just Being; nothing really gets attached to it. [Anything attached to] it is only a pretend, only a belief. So all the beliefs that we have picked up along the way are pretenses for this pure Being or ‘I Am-ness’. This is what we are in satsang for: Consciousness coming to the recognition of its Source. And Consciousness letting go of all conditions that it seemingly attached to itself.

Therefore satsang is not for the person, because the person does not even seem to exist apparently. And all conditions apply only to that which seems to be here. And we say ‘I am here’. So to come to this beautiful recognition ‘I Am that I Am’ is God experiencing God Itself…, is Consciousness experiencing Consciousness Itself.

And all that Consciousness needs to do to play as a person, to put on the ‘on’ switch of playing this personal game, is to say ‘I am something’. Attach any attribute, any thought, any condition to this, and the personal play seemingly begins.

And this, for most, is enough actually. It is already the end of suffering and the realization of Beingness, of Consciousness, Atma; Atmasakshatkar as it is called in India. And only some of us will have the true urge to look even further than this, which is to ask:

Who is aware even of this Being?

Therefore the third and final question in satsang usually is:

What is the absolute truth? What is Awareness?

Now ‘The Self’ like ‘God’ is used differently. The Buddhists use ‘the self’ actually for the false sense of self, which is ego. So don't get confused with terminology. When we use the word ‘Self’ here, we are referring to the absolute truth.

And this question can come: What is the absolute truth?

Now, I have suggested two ways to look at this. One proceeds from the previous question which is:

‘Who is aware even of Being?’

Second is ‘Am I aware now?’

It's a very profound and beautiful inquiry. Because it is immediately, (even before immediately), known that Awareness is Here. It is Known that Knowingness is Here. And it is Known that it does not look like anything, it does not feel like anything, it is not a subject of time and space, it is not subject to time and space. No words can truly describe it.

And it is Seen that no matter what state is coming or going, this Awareness remains unchanged. There is Awareness of sleep state, and yet Awareness is untouched by sleep state. It is Awareness of waking state, and yet Awareness is untouched by waking state. Or dream state; Awareness is untouched by dream state. All the glorious meditative states like turiya, samadhi…, all of these It is aware of, and yet even these It remains untouched by.

The First Step We Walk Together is Seeing That No Person Ever Existed

Let's just sit in silence for these first few minutes. [Silence]

You are aware of your thoughts. Thoughts are not aware of you.

So we get stuck with these thoughts. We end up hoping that one day the thoughts will give me the freedom certificate.

I am saying that you are free right now.

The thought is saying ‘Almost there’. Which one are you going to buy? Buy neither, I'm okay with that. Don't buy either of them. Don't believe anything I'm saying actually. But just check for yourself. If you don't want to believe something, then don't believe either of these words. When you check right now into what is here, then you find that these thoughts are saying ‘Not there yet’ or something.

And then, what happens very often is that ‘But I don't feel free’. So we went from wanting our thoughts to certify our freedom to wanting our feelings to certify our freedom. There's this ‘I'm feeling some resistance, I'm feeling some grief, I'm feeling (something) therefore I cannot be free. I was promised a lot of joy and bliss’. Freedom is not that. It can have a lot of joy and bliss, but it is actually freedom from all states and freedom through all states. Everything is allowed to come and go.

If you only had sugar, sugar, sugar all of the time then would you enjoy it? If you only had joy, joy, joy after a while it would be boring; you won't even notice. So this realm, this phenomenal play is full of contrasts, spice and sugar, grief and joy. And it is this contrast that we enjoy. If you go to a movie also, and you find everything start to end is just happy, happy, happy then you come back saying ‘It's the most boring movie I ever saw’. So why would you like your life to be more boring than a movie? We're here to enjoy this realm, this play; to taste this play. And it will be full of contrast.

A sage is not robotic. A sage is not leading a robotic existence where he is just in one state. It is more vibrant.

So, if we're not referring to our feelings for our freedom, and we're not referring to our thoughts for our freedom, we are bringing our attention back …, look and see if ‘I actually still feel I'm a person’.

Don't hide. Because in this hiding, many years can pass in our denial. Let's look right now: If the person is here, it must be real, isn't it? There is nothing abstract or difficult that I am saying. The mind might be playing this trick on you. Simply, very simply I'm saying that the body is not concerned with money, it is not concerned with relationships; actually the body is not even concerned with the health of the body, and body is definitely not concerned with freedom. And yet, we have believed that there is one here that is concerned with all of these things. Can we find this one which is concerned with anything at all, that says ‘my life has to be a certain way’?

Don't go off now. Stay here. Don't go off now. Because here is where the mind will come and offer you some tricks.

Can we find an entity that wants any of these things?

And if we cannot find this one, then we cannot have any sense of control, any sense of desire, any sense of aversion left. Because who will they belong to?

See, so this is the first step that we walk together in a non-existent journey, which is to see that

no person ever existed. Because if it is real, it must be here now, and you must be able to introduce it, to say ‘Inside my body, three inches below my head, there is this entity which is driving all of this’. Nobody has ever found this one; except as an idea, except as a belief.

So this is the first step that we walk together; to see that no person has ever existed here. It has just been an idea.

That's why I say that ‘If you want to see God pretending to be a person…, (right now, you want to see this play of God pretending to be a person?)…, you can see right now; all you have to do is believe your next thought.

This power of belief is God's power to pretend; to pretend to get trapped, pretend to be bound, pretend to be a person, and then pretend to get out of this, to come to a pretend freedom. Because the conditions that are attached to itself are never true. ‘I am a man, I am a husband, I am a teacher, I am a…’ whatever you attach to this ‘I Am’. You see, the power of your belief is never really true. That's why I say ‘pretend’..., pretend bondage and pretend freedom.

I, Even Prior to Am-ness

[Silence] If there is a question, you can ask.

Q: I'm still trying to locate the awareness, the ultimate, that which sees and never moves and never has moved; even the Being, the Existence isn't apart from it.

So let's try. Let's try to locate it. How will we do it? We can see that it is here, but it is not here spatially. So we look at this Awareness and we see that ‘I do not find a spatial location of it. It's just here’. But actually within this ‘here’ all space is arising. And this is kind of like contemplation actually. Because you can say ‘Where am I?’ when we are referring to ourself as this absolute Awareness. We try to find: ‘Here, here? Spatially?’ Is it like all the other content which seems to be appearing in the space of my own Being? Is this Awareness also like that?

Q: No. It's also so obvious that I'm already looking from That.

Yes. It's just that we're not used to looking at things non-phenomenally, therefore we have to use terms like ‘here’ and ‘there’ but actually this is prior to here and there; before the concept of here and there, before the sense of there-ness and here-ness. This is always present; even before Presence.

So if all things are arising from this Presence, (all the forces, time and space, everything), then we see that This that I truly Am, before ‘I Am’…, cannot be located in this way. Is there anything that is non-phenomenal in this appearance?

Q: No.

All appearance is phenomena.

Q: Including Being.

Including Being, ultimately. I call it ‘primordial phenomenon, the primal appearance; the immaculate conception’. All other phenomenon has a parent, which is this Being; everything comes from this Being.

Q: And the Being is not phenomenal in an objective way in that it's there. It's so obvious it's there, but I can't quantify it any way. I can't find any edge to it, and I can't find any properties; and I guess that's the thing. It's just a thought, but it's there…, to expose it somehow because if the Beingness has no qualities whatsoever, no edge, no attributes, what could possibly be watching that, and able to look at that? To be able to look at something and say ‘Yes’…, where could it be that I am to …?

Definitely not in space; that which you perceive. To perceive That from which space is born, that can definitely not be in space. Just like the witness of a dream is not within the dream; the dream is within it. So if this is a dream, we're trying to say ‘How do I find this Awareness within this dream construct?’ It's not possible. Then we're waking up, saying ‘That was a dream because it was within me’. So, the dream was within Being, but where Being comes from cannot be within Being. It has no spatial location; time and space don't apply to it. That is why it is eternal, timeless, endless. Everything else, all phenomenon, is time bound.

Q: So this tendency to watch for a moment, to say that …, because even the Beingness moves in its very, very unique way, its subtle way. You know, its tendency to search for the carrot.

So what would have to move for you to say ‘That's Awareness’.

Q: [Silence]

All movement must be the grandchild of Awareness. All movement must be within Being. So what would move for us to make that conclusion ‘Oh, that's Awareness’?

Q: It's just there, and [sounds like] I move through it.

Take an example, when it came up ‘Oh, that's Awareness’. Do you have one?

Q: Well, it's so clear that nothing could move that is Awareness. I think I'm just getting so engrossed in this tendency, this habit of [points in front of him] ‘Ah, that's it’.

All that.

Q: Even Beingness, ‘Ah, I can see it now’. And I just want to … drop it.

Yes, because we're looking together and really, truly looking and asking ‘What would it be, that we could say ‘That's Awareness!’

Sometimes I jokingly say that maybe to say ‘I Am That’ is not the most accurate.

Maybe what comes closer is ‘I Am This’.

But actually ‘I Am’ is closer than even ‘I Am This’.

But the ‘I’ is really what we are talking about; even prior to Am-ness.

Because truly we cannot say ‘That’ for Awareness. [Silence] In fact, Awareness is the only thing (if we can call it that) that is not a ‘that’. Everything else, we can say ‘that’ or ‘Being’ as Presence; that appearance, that Presence.

But Awareness, what would we be pointing to?

How Can I Be Responsible If I Am Not the Doer?

Q: So just wanted to ask you about the concepts of good and bad. So there is neutrality, I see that in nature. Nature doesn't choose, sun doesn't choose, water doesn't choose. Yet we live in a world of duality. We are parents, we have to teach our children ethics; good, bad. Every minute apparently there seems to be a choice between love and hate, between doing the so-called right thing and the small things in life, serving your loved ones. What is that? There seems to be some kind of line beyond which it seems to be a choice at some level. You say ‘I am not the doer’. Then at one level you can get away with doing everything and nothing also. There is some level of Dharma. As a mother I can't say ‘I don't do anything so I don't give a damn’. Or my neighbor is in pain but I don't give a damn because I am not the doer. So where does this this level of ethics come in of the good / bad, of all the things that we are taught. Maybe it is a programming but isn't there some line?

So okay, you are the doer. [Laughter] And who are you?

Q: That is a trick question. I mean if I look, I don't exist, but apparently at a certain level I do. In the sense that I have an identity. If somebody asks me what is my name I do say my name, right?

So this ‘I’ which has the identity is which one?

Q: It is a pseudo-identity. I get it.

Yes, yes but this ‘I’ that has the pseudo identity is which one?

Q: The ego right? The ego.

The identity is the ego, but who has the ego?

Q: The absolute, the immovable, (whatever you want to call it); the wordless, the formless.

Is it that you have an ego in the sleep state also?

Q: No. But in sleep state there is also commentary, there is good and bad. If it's a bad sleep, bad dream, then we wake ourselves up, right?

Okay, so if we look at waking, dream, sleep and truiya; 4 different states. So if it is waking, coming in the middle and sleep is not as much…, that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about the sleep state itself, the deep sleep state.

Q: There is no awareness of ‘I’ in deep sleep.

So there is no ego is sleep state. But this unmoving, unchanging One is still there? So there must be another step which is needed for this One to get the ego. And that is called the ‘I Am-ness’ or the Beingness.

So what is it that we call the waking state or the dream state? It is the birth of this sense of ‘I Am’. And with this ‘I Am’, I say often that is also the birth of all these powers; attention, belief, gravity, electricity, sound, all phenomena; memory, pain, body. All these things come into play, all these different energy constructs with different qualities are not ultimately; but in the play. So Being is born. So being is born with the power to…,

So Being is what? Just this sense ‘I Am’. From direct experience we are here together, isn't it? So this ‘I Am-ness’ is here. Now this I ‘Am-ness’…, does it have any primal concept on its own, in the instant of waking? Is it I-Am-something? But it has the ability to append things to this ‘I Am’. And when it appends these Absolutes then we say that ‘I pretended to become a person’.

So this unchanging, unmoving One…, nothing happened to That. It is now that the play for it changed. A part of itself (which Guruji calls ‘the dynamic aspect’) came into play, which is Consciousness. And this Consciousness, to make this game juicy, then has the ability to attach concepts to itself.

Now this, when it is attached, then we call this the ‘ego’. So what is the ego? Just a bundle of beliefs or attributes. Can a bundle of beliefs have the ability to do something?

Q: No, of course not. It is just energy.

Not even energy, actually; it is just a set of ideas that is constantly changing. What we believe about ourselves is also constantly changing. 5 years ago if I said ‘What kind of person are you?’ I am sure in 5 years something changed. So it is not steady. It is just a basket of ideas.

So this basket of ideas, how can it do something? I say it is the most important question to ask when we talk about doership, is: ‘whose?’

And so far what we have discussed is what you directly experienced. You have seen this for yourself. And yet the mind is able to sell you the story that this bundle of ideas, this set of beliefs which is non-existent even phenomenally, can do something in the phenomenal realm.

I often say in satsang that: Imagine that there is a person who is sitting in the banks of Ganga. Ask that person to get you a glass of water. Can he do it? Because it doesn't exist in this realm. So this one, who must do, who must to it this way or that way: Who is this one?

Q: [Silence]

There are some primal rules in this phenomenal creation. And we can also contemplate why there is good and bad. Why is it? There seems to be something primal that points to us and says ‘To tell the truth is good and to tell a lie is bad’.

Q: Yeah, for me it is more like ‘since we are all one’. [Inaudible] So that's like a guiding principle.

But even this you don't need, because, although it is a beautiful concept it is still a concept.

Q: But then you need some kind of… Although I am not the doer, it's like I go out and ask somebody, you know, somebody asks me to pass something. I am not the doer so I say ‘Come and get it yourself’. It can get very… You know what I'm saying?

Yes, yes, yes. There are 2 main objections that come. Even after it is seen that there is nobody here that can be the doer, there are 2 main objections. One is that ‘I will become super lazy and lie in bed all day and not live up to my responsibilities’. And the second one is that I will become an axe murderer or something. These are the 2 main ones.

The trouble with this is that, in spite of you checking and seeing there is nobody here, there is no ‘I’ who is the individual entity, then who will become lazy and who will become an axe murderer?

So something still must be saying somewhere that ‘All this is fine, but what about real life, day to day stuff?’ So something is still selling you a story of your individual existence and something is buying that. ‘So how do I teach my kids?’ Is it God's question?

Q: Because my daughter asks me that, she says ‘I have seen that all realized Beings are lazy. They don't do anything’. She is 15 and… [Inaudible]

[Laughter] Tell her maybe she can see the recording; that what is the greatest thing you can do? In this realm, what is the greatest thing you can do? Is it that making money or getting into a certain position or something like this is that the greatest? Is that freedom from suffering? Because we do all that we do be happy, presumably. But is there happiness to be found in that?

So whether or not they are lazy, we are definitely happy. [Laughs] So they have come to this point that all other tactics have not worked. Now, what is the greatest service that one can do? Is it giving money to others, is it building houses for them or food? It is not. Because it is not necessary by giving money that life gets better; sometimes life becomes worse if you give money to them. But to show them what they are and rid them of their suffering I feel is the greatest thing one can do.

And the best example of this is my Master. I have seen him tirelessly, 1:00 am, 2:00 am, someone comes with a Satsang question; he is all ready. This is not laziness, I feel, this is the best seva, best service one can do in this world is to show us the mirror of what we are.

So yes, it can seem like that. Somebody can see me like that; okay. I have been lazy before also; not so much ambition, work, what is my future, what's my 5 year plan, 10 year plan? I wouldn't be able to tell you. So if that is laziness, I'm lazy. But I see that here also through Guruji's grace what flows is that something comes, it opens for this service, always; it doesn't matter what time of day or night. This kind of lazy I like.

Q: In fact she says often ‘I wish you hadn't told me all this’ because now when she was given her exam for ICSE, she kept saying ‘I don't see the purpose of studying. I may be good at it but I don't see the point. All I want to do is come to Arunachala for a month’. That's what she was saying. The teachers thought she was going crazy so they called me to school. They said ‘You better do something, she will convert the whole class and they will all stop studying’. They said, you know, ‘What's your role model or what do you want to be or what do you really want to do?’ …[But daughter is saying]: ‘I am not clear on the Who I Am’.

It is somehow about the language, they way we think, the words we speak. But if you can truly see that ‘I am not this identity, not this ego, not the person’ it will not find a way to stick on. So there must be some fear or some attachment or something that is being bought. It might be very subtle. It might be some concern about the future, ‘what's going to happen?’ which is here, which is helping to buy all this.

Q: In fact, I feel there are always some hooks, fear about the future; that although one says ‘I want freedom’. It's going on and on. There are the major ones; the daughter one, the family one.

The other stories, let go of. The daughter one you can keep. [Smiles] I have never told a mother that you must not be attached to your child. It is very natural, even with animals. I'm not going to mess with it. You keep your ‘daughter idea’. It's fine by me. The rest you let go of. It's not easy to give up this most natural identity.

[Silence]

About the question of becoming lazy or becoming irresponsible in some way; when we looked at it and when we saw there is nobody here like that as an entity, then whose play is it? It is Consciousness Itself. Consciousness wants to play a certain way. Consciousness can only play.

As I was saying in the morning yesterday, then there are only two options: Either Consciousness needs these thoughts of morality and ethics to run its life. (It sounds a bit insane to me, that Consciousness is relying on thoughts that It Itself is creating). Or that it is all just the illusory play of the person.

As it is being dropped, it is all just unfolding in its beautiful flow. Guruji was making this beautiful example: A tree is not thinking where it will grow its next branch, its leaf. And yet there's a beautiful emerging. So like this. I like this story. It's the mind that comes in and takes credit ‘My leaf’…, ‘I did this, I shouldn't do this, this should not happen’. You see? It does not apply to you because this ‘I’ does not exist.

Just check if your mind is creating some dichotomy between satsang and the ‘so-called’ real world. It's not two worlds. This is as real as that. [Silence] Ultimately unreal, but as real as that.

Q: I feel this wanting to drop it; but not waiting about it. I guess it will just drop if it has to go.

But sometimes what happens is that, if it is like that, wanting to drop it, then the mind comes and says ‘But not that one!’ But sometimes these ones, you must let go of last.

Q: I believe that, yeah. The one desire.

If all other ones are gone, then this one also can go. Someone was telling me, (I've heard it a few times actually), ‘I feel like I want to be in your physical Presence, and it's become an attachment, a struggle’. I say ‘Have all the other [attachments] gone?’ Because the mind very quickly wants to resist satsang in this way. If all the others are gone, yes, drop this one also.

You see, the nature of the mind is that way. I say ‘Let's do the inquiry together’. [Then you say]: ‘But you just said I'm not the doer, so who should do the inquiry?’ You see, it's like that. It very conveniently uses spirituality like that.

Q: And that's the thing about not being the doer. ‘I'm not the doer, so why do this?’

You don't have to think about not being the doer.

Q: Experience it.

It's just a concept. ‘I'm not the doer, therefore I don't need to do this’. That is still the mind. It's still referring to ‘I can't be the doer’ … as the one who can't be the doer. Even this, you will not buy. Even the highest spiritual concept, it's just mental. You will not buy it. It's got to be your living experience. You must be able to say ‘There is no doer here because there's no person here’. Instead of a concept of a doer, you will see ‘Who will be [the doer]? All there is here is Consciousness. Therefore Consciousness Itself must be the doer…, and the experiencer’.

Q: But then, though, we have to act as though we are the doer, in daily life.

It will happen on its own.

Q: If you go to work, and you do something, then …

I'll tell you an example which is very good. Many years ago, I watched a Youtube video with Frances Lucille. So, Frances had this very nice example. He said ‘You go to an amusement park, you get onto a ride, and the point of the ride is that when it says ‘Left’ you turn left.

Q: Yes, yes.

You know the rest of the story. Let me tell it though. So he says that on this ride, when it says ‘left’ you turn left really hard, and you turn it, and if you do a very good job, then it will go left. And same for right. Left, right; as many points as you can, you are supposed to get. The way it starts out, it says to turn left, and you turn really hard, and it goes left. You feel so happy ‘I did it’. Next one is right. Right, right, you're going right…, and the steering wheel goes left. You say ‘I didn't do such a good job at that’. See? This left, right, left, right; you're missing some, you're getting some. You feel ‘I got it, I didn't get it, I'm doing a good job, I'm doing a bad job’.

At the end of the ride, they tell you that the entire ride is pre-determined. The left and right is exactly how it is supposed to be. It only goes in that one direction. Yet it's normal to say ‘I did this, I didn't do this, I should have done this’.

It's done. This is life. Everything is flowing. Consciousness is projecting this movie. The mind says ‘This character, this is me. This is what this character should do or not do’. If there is no ‘me’ then how can a ‘me’ be a doer?

Q: So, it's all pre-determined. So I should just relax and enjoy no matter what it is. [Laughs]

Every time we can relax and enjoy, then we can say ‘Yes, it's pre-determined’. We can say ‘It's all Consciousness’. That's better. Does Consciousness have a master-plan on which It is functioning? We could say that. Is it creating everything completely fresh? We could say that. Some say ‘Everything has already happened’. We could say that. Some say ‘None of this has ever really happened’. We could say that also. When you come to these places, then it's very difficult to put words to these things.

As long as it is clear that ‘I don't exist personally’ then all this will drop; all this responsibility will drop. And functioning can continue; or not.

Q: Empty. That's also fine.

If it's fine, then it's very good.

Q: If it's fine, then everything's fine. [Laughs]

I used to say that ‘Everything will be fine’. Then some started coming and saying ‘Within 3 weeks of coming to satsang, I quit my job and I have no money’. So I said ‘Everything is fine? Or not?’

Q: [Nods ‘yes’.]

‘Everything's fine’…, because it becomes an expectation like that. And this is very popular in India especially. ‘I surrender to You but please make sure I get that part right’…, ‘I surrender to You but please make sure this….’ That's not surrender at all. It's deal making. Such are prayers; ‘I want’…

It starts off like that, but it's better than nothing. Because at least we start by saying ‘You are the doer, I am the experiencer’. At least it's half-surrender. And as we keep going with this, if there's integrity, it will be said ‘You are the doer and You are the experiencer’. You see? And then you'll say ‘There is no You and I. There's only You’.

Q: You know Vishwas final prayer? He's got a thing that he says: ‘Father’ (I don't remember the exact words, but) ‘Father, let this be my final prayer, the last thing I ask of you ever, that there's no more, there's nothing, that I want after You ever’. But to that degree, that you don't have to ask and you don't have to desire.

Thank you.

Reverence To The Physical Manifestation of That

You see, also there's something very subtle there. I see it's very popular in Advaita now to speak the truth, but there's some jerkiness in this also, which is to say ‘Yes, yes, the true Master is within you, so why do I need to bow down to someone?’ This kind of stuff can come. I see on Facebook also a lot of this stuff.

But this is not the right way to look at it. Yes, it is true, because within, of course, the Guru is your own intuitive Presence, this God Presence, Consciousness Itself. But it cannot be denied that we are extremely blessed to be in even the physical Presence of that which is the truest, most beautiful embodiment of this Satguru, the most transparent embodiment that I have seen. And I've seen quite a few, as you know. So, I feel that great gratitude, great reverence must be for this even human embodiment. At least that's the way it plays here.

I feel that there's some resistance, or some mental stuff going on with you to say ‘Oh, I don't need to bow down to any Guru because I discovered the Satguru's within’. And if you find the Satguru within, when it appears even within the physical manifestation, the same Presence, the same smell, the same fragrance, how can you not bow down? I don't see this as a possibility.

This one takes the form of this outer manifestation. It's true. But if there can be reverence to this One [points to Heart] then there is also reverence to the physical manifestation of that One.

So, may we never be that ‘Advaita’ [chuckles] that we'd have a resistance to bowing down to the feet of my Master.

Q: Thank you. [Namaste]

[Namaste]

[Q: Places his head for long moments at Anantaji's feet]

Knowing Conceptually Is Not True Knowing of Direct Experience

Bong and I were speaking a while ago, and I noticed that many times it can be that when we say that ‘You are not the doer’ the mind takes it on to mean that ‘I should not do anything’. Because the mind only understands the two ends of the spectrum; either doing or not doing. So you say ‘I am not the doer; that means that I should not do anything’. It is not this. It is the neutrality which is neither the doing nor the non-doing. Because actually an active non-doing is also a doing; you're doing the non-doing. At least pretending to. So it is neither of the two. It is just this witnessing whatever is coming up. And like I was saying yesterday, this is how this whole play becomes such a joyous leela. So for example, he doesn't know what's going to happen next. He's here now. He doesn't know whether he'll be back home or whether he'll be in India, Delhi, Rishikesh, Bangalore, another place. I can choose for him some more. [Laughs]

So this is the wonder. Just watch. What's going to happen today? I just don't know. Like I was saying, satsang is a beautiful play because I just don't know what is going to happen after this. Someone has his hand up. I just don't know what he's going to say. So it just can be anything. And it's wonderful like this. When we are not attached to outcomes, when we're not attached to any sense of where my life is supposed to be, we just watch it play out.

I like to watch movies. Some of you know that. But I like to watch movies without seeing the trailers because even in the trailer it gives you an expectation of what to expect. You just go, fresh. You don't know how it's going to turn out.

We really don't know what the next one minute will be like. And we have some idea about the rest of our lives. We don't even know; this might be the last day of our life. We don't know. This could be it actually. It could be the last satsang we ever attend. Anything can happen.

It's not scary. To the mind, this is very scary. The loss of control to the mind is very scary. But when we look back, we see that it never really had any control. And thank God for that, because if we had the power to make come true everything the mind thought, then we would be the most arrogant, most egoistic; if every desire was to just manifest itself.

So this neutrality of not knowing left or right, one side dueling the other side…, just experiment with this, and see if it just stops. Just experiment with not knowing, and see if it just stops.

He came at me today and said ‘You told me not to decide, and I was waiting at a turn for one hour not knowing whether to go left or right’. So that is exactly what was meant to happen.

So this is the neutrality; neither the doing nor the non-doing. And in this space, this Witnessing space, we cannot trouble ourself with any concepts like ‘my life, my life’…, all these ideas of what we think is good for us.

Many of you know, (most of you know actually, some of you know) the story that I was in the silent retreat, and in this case what happened is through this day there was not this sense of fear, resistance or something blocking. It was just that I was sitting in the retreat. Then it started bursting, and all these business ideas started coming. ‘Start this dot-com, make this happen, do this and then you'll make it big time. This is the best idea you ever had’. It was rubbish, of course, but at that time it seemed like so, so important. ‘Just leave this [retreat], you can always come back, you can always come back. But now onto this; and you'll be able to help the sangha so much and we can make our own ashram in India’. It was giving all of these stories. Through Grace I recognized that this is all just trickery.

So, this is the second day for you [in silent retreat in Tiruvannamalai], and maybe for some of you some ideas are coming. You might be getting business ideas. [Chuckles] But some other things might be coming; resistance, ‘What am I doing here? Is he really my Master? Am I really meant to be here?’ All of this. None of it is important actually. You are just here. And you're witnessing all of this. Nothing else is required to be known.

There's a misunderstanding also about the word ‘knowing’. That's why I say there's a small ‘k’ for ‘knowing’, which is the knowing of a mental concept of something. ‘I know it’. Mental concept of something is the small ‘k’.

The capital ‘K’ for ‘Knowing’ is that which is directly experienced. That which we are aware of is the Awareness itself, is the Knowingness which we speak of. That which Knows that you are here. Who doesn't know that you are here? You Know You Are. Do you need the mind to Know this? Do you need a thought to say ‘Yes, yes, you are here’? Prior to that, You Are. This Knowing. This Knowingness is what we are talking about.

And it doesn't look like anything. This is why the mind struggles so much. It wants to find the Self as if it is an object to be discovered. ‘I'm looking for the Self, I'm looking for the Self’. And then when you start discovering that it's no-thing, the mind is still dissatisfied because it wanted to see some magical appearance. It wanted to see a vision of yourself with 10,000 hands, huge form, bigger than Arunachala. [Smiles] Then if this doesn't happen, you say ‘Okay, I accept that I really have no form. But at least there should be some by-product in the form. There should be some glory, some bliss, some radiance should come out of me’. Even this is not a true testament of freedom.

So then we say ‘Okay, at least now I should not get angry’. And yet, anger will appear. You've seen also in sages. You may have seen, like, Maharaj. It can seem like anger was appearing very naturally. And I've heard of some other sages in India carrying sticks around. [Laughs]. Whack! Whack! Also the zen masters hit. So all these things can appear momentarily. But does that mean that this is not freedom?

So as long as we're checking back with our mental state, the mind saying ‘No, no, almost there. Take the final leap. Jump off the cliff’. Something… ‘Trust more completely. Surrender now.’ Some advice it's giving you. Or we're referring to our emotional state. ‘Oh, this is here. I was in satsang bliss, and bliss went away. This, that, is what I wanted, and that went away. That's why I'm not free’. It's not true like this. Your mental state or your emotional state is not describing the reality of What You Are. It is not talking about That which witnesses both of these; it is not even describing the Presence in which they appear.

Who is the mind talking about? Yesterday I said that we walked one step together. It is to see that the person does not exist. So who is the mind talking about, if not for this made-up entity?

And for many of you, the mind is coming and saying now ‘Yeah, you know this stuff’. Who? Don't even buy that mental conclusion. It only knows how to reinforce the ego. So what happens is that we keep buying our stories of unworthiness. You see? And when we're done with that, we start buying the stories of our spiritual ego. You see, so it's neither unworthiness nor great proclamations of ‘I made it’ or ‘I'm something’. Neither unloveablity nor arrogance. Anything with the mind, it's always like this. It does not understand neutrality. It does not understand that it's neither end of the spectrum.

And when I say that ‘It is no-thing that You Are; this Awareness is what You Are’..., you notice the tendency of the mind to paint a picture of even this for you. It tries to tell you that there is this dark space which is unlimited. Not even that. Many have gotten stuck in this visual; this one visual they have gotten stuck in for many, many years. Who is the Witness of even this picture the mind is painting? Can you say that It is dark, or light? Can you say It is white or black; any attribute big or small? Nothing at all you can say about This. So don't go with any imagination. Because it will leave you with the delusion that you've got Awareness. ‘Oh, you've got it now! This is it! I'm seeing unlimited space.’ And you're just visualizing it. The mind is giving you this visual, saying that ‘That is it! I got it! …That!’

That which witnesses the Witnessing itself…, the Knowing Itself, THAT is it, THIS is it. It has no shape, no form.

And for too long, we have looked for ourself as some sort of form. ‘When I discover my true Self’ has implied that I will discover some luminous deity that I am.

That which is the witness of all that appears and disappears, who does that look like?

And if it looks like something, then who looks at that?

If it looked like anything at all, then who sees that?

This is what is meant by going to the Source of reality.

There are also those in satsang who have understood everything I'm saying mentally; made a beautiful conceptual framework out of it. And it's not that difficult to do, because we have demystified all the most confusing concepts. We've looked at this all very, very simply. So this can be the disadvantage of that. If the mind says ‘Oh, I understood this, I understood this. Now, this piece of the puzzle is still missing, so today I'll ask about this and get to that. Finish my research’. That is not it. If all that happened as a result of this time that we are spending together is that we started with a concept of being a person and ended with a concept of being God or no-thing, then I've not done my job properly. If it is still conceptual, it is not directly experienced.

So, don't try to understand this mentally. Whatever is being said here, you should be able to check for yourself. Anyone should be able to check for yourself, and see whether this is your experience or not. And if it's not, you must stop me and say ‘Ananta, this is not what I see. You say it is like this’. Then we sit and we check together.

And all this mind resistance about ‘This is too difficult or too abstract; this is not something I understand’…, I can understand this trouble actually. Who can understand this stuff mentally? ‘God takes birth inside You’…, which mind can process that? It has to be your own direct Seeing that This Light of Consciousness is appearing within my Awareness. Then these words will not seem complex, they will not seem abstract.

Because this is already what is happening for you. If you try to understand here [points to his head], remember and know what is being spoken then it becomes difficult. We use these words as pointers so you can check and validate. And I'm here, so if you say ‘I checked, and I see something different’ then I am always open to that kind of conversation. Always open. With openness, actually; with openness of being wrong also. You see? So I am not so attached to any concept. So if you come and say ‘Let's look at this, and maybe you've got something wrong’ I am open to that.

And may there never be any arrogance like that here, that ‘I got it all’. Often I have said that ‘If there is some arrogance here, through Guruji's grace may it be slapped out of me’. And some friends say ‘Why do you always say slapped out of me? Why can't you just say dissolved gently…?’ I understand where they're coming from. [Laughs]

[Silence]

Awareness Being Aware of Itself Is Always In The Right Now

Q: I really want to use this time and this energy and this group, which I know is going to end at some point, to look at anything that the mind could come with later. And I feel like I ran away a little bit early yesterday thinking that nobody wants to see just a silence, you know. Sometimes nothing comes, but more and more if nothing's there, then nothing's there.

So there's nothing experiential that can verify ‘I am this Awareness’.

In a way, you can say it like that. But also, in a way, you can say that it's a non-phenomenal experience. You see? Because that depends on the way we use the word ‘experience’. So when I say ‘Are you aware now?’ you say ‘Yes’. So, for me, I would call that a non-phenomenal experience, which is Awareness became aware of itself and this confirmation is clear. You see? But it is not like a tasted experience. It's not something that was phenomenally experienced, either through the senses or seemingly internally perceived. Isn't it?

And yet, we can say that what happened in this instant was that attention just came back, like it springs back home. The minute you ask yourself ‘Am I aware now?’ what is happening? It's just that something that was pulling away in the phenomenal realm, that drops for at least an instant, and attention is here: ‘Yes’. So I would say it is a direct Seeing. Now whether we call that experience or not is based on terminology.

I am aware that I am aware. Directly.

Q: Maybe what I meant is that there's nothing I can look at that can verify where it is I'm looking from. And I think that's been the habit. And I think particularly because of these openings. And I remember you saying the Beingness gets refined and refined and refined and refined, and I think I've been looking at that, waiting for the final.

Let me do a little bit; and I also feel it's very helpful for the group, what this means. Because this recognition of what I Am, this Awareness being aware of Itself, is always in the Right Now. This truth is available right now. This Self is here right now. Awareness aware of Itself. It's an instant recognition that This has always been here, and unchanged. So for Awareness, nothing is happening, whether satsang or not satsang. Clear about that?

Q: Yes.

No person ever existed. So nothing is happening to the person because it never existed. You see? So satsang is not for the person, nor for Awareness. Then what is left? What is left? Who is even coming to the recognition that I Am Awareness? Is it Awareness?

Q: No.

It is this one, the dynamic aspect of it that plays as Consciousness; although ultimately made up of Awareness Itself. This plays as the more solid form, like water and ice. You see? It plays as this dynamic form called Consciousness which is recognizing its own Source. ‘Where did I come from? What am I really?’

So what is happening, in the checking, is that Being is coming to the recognition that ‘I Am arising out of this Awareness’. And in this instantaneous recognition, a large part of the conditioning that has been picked up along the way gets dropped off. A large part of the conditioning has dropped off.

Sometimes it seems so strong that it seems like all of it dropped off. In that moment, it can seem like everything dropped off. ‘I find no ‘me’. There is no separation. It seems like everything is gone.’ And that is what we call an awakening experience, if it happens like that. You see? Sometimes, every satsang, some of it is going, some of it is going.

Sometimes, every satsang, something new we're picking up as spiritual concept. So that's what I was trying to avoid in the morning when I was saying ‘Don't pick up any ideas from here’.

So, like we said, for Awareness nothing changed; nothing can ever change. No person ever existed. So this play is all Consciousness; Consciousness which had conditioned Itself with all these ideas about Itself, and now is deconditioning Itself through satsang.

Sometimes, in the instantaneous recognition that ‘I arise out of Awareness’ the large bulk of the conditioning is gone, and it feels stunned. But sometimes the concept ‘It is done’ itself becomes the conditioning. ‘I got it’ itself can become the conditioning.

That's why I say that ‘You are free now’. What does that mean? As Awareness you are free. But the advice is ‘Keep coming to satsang’. For who? For the Beingness. There is nothing here for the person. You see? So Consciousness in this monologue is saying to Itself: ‘Hey, buddy, you know, it's good, what we've walked together so far, but let's just keep at it’. You know? That's the real monologue that God is having with Itself. It's all part of the game.

But in the game, my role is to help you chop off this stuff. So my role is that. And I've always conformed to that role. There is plenty in the world which is helping you to add on stuff; give you newer skills, help you with this, help you become a better person in that, better in that, adding on more and more attributes. It's the rare ones who are saying ‘Okay, we want to take away all of this from you. Whatever you have, we want to take away’. What does it mean? Not materially. It's whatever you have picked up as an idea about yourself.

So Being, which is pure ‘I Am’ has picked up ‘I am like this, I am honest, I am a seeker, I want freedom’. You know? All of these ideas which are then releasing themselves in satsang.

The quickest way is to keep checking: ‘Where do I come from? What am I?’

And Seeing ‘Yes, I am Awareness aware of Itself. It's here. This is where I come from, this is my Source’.

So, this is very beautiful that we can explore like this together. And I want to add a little bit on to this. Consciousness is two primal forces, isn't it? It has the force of attention, and it has the force of belief. I would say these two are the very, very primal forces of Consciousness. So if we use the attention itself to come to the instant recognition…, just like this: ‘Am I aware now?’ or ‘Who am I?’ or whatever works to come to this Seeing that ‘I am this Seeing Itself…, this awareness that I am this Awareness itself’. So we use attention for that. And using attention in this way, it takes away a lot of the conditioning. You see?

Now, what happens is, because we recognize that attention can be used in this way, we try to get complete mastery over our attention. ‘It should always be like this. I should always keep it like that’.

I've never seen one who has succeeded in doing this; just keeping attention one-pointed. Even the sadhu's, the yogi's, they try to so many techniques; it doesn't work. But it's not really needed that way. It's not so much hard work. Just once in a while to check ‘What am I?’ ‘Who am I?’ and this attention goes back to This. And yet, in the rest of the times, it's allowed to play freely. We're not so much controlled…, ‘not here, or not there’. Freedom is not like a constricted state where we're trying to control our attention. Attention left free is still attached to You. You see?

Q: Yeah, I see. It's like in the beginning there's such a joy in the sense of bringing the attention back and suddenly there's this Beingness. But more and more, this sense of a ‘me’…, even this melting into the Beingness. So, that is happening by itself. Coming to satsang is happening by itself. This retreat happened by itself.

All of this is happening by itself, and you can see that it is happening. And this which seemed to be like a play that I had to manage now seems like a wonderful appearance which is happening moment to moment. Like, attention is used in this way. So just check…, ‘Who am I?’ but not to try to force it into something. You see? Too many are trying to force attention into something. So, we're not to do that.

The second primal power what we have is called the power of belief. Now, this power has been vastly misunderstood. So what happens is this energy construct called thoughts comes, and we have the power to believe the thought or not. Some will say ‘No, I don't have this power at all. I can't find this belief’. So if I say ‘You have green colored horns coming up on your head right now’…, would you believe it? You would say ‘No’. The thought could be ‘Oh, you have horns which are sprouting on your head’. ‘I don't believe it’. This is the power of belief; as simple as that.

Now, it is much simpler to divest this thought from our belief, to divest belief from this thought, than to try and pull our attention away. Because the more we try to pull it away, the more it wants to check, you know, ‘What is it saying?’

So we stop playing that game now. We use only attention in one way, which is to check ‘Who am I?’ …, ‘Am I aware now?’ And we don't give belief to anything that the mind is saying.

For some, this much is enough. Just this much. ‘I use my attention in this way, and I don't use my belief in any way’. This much pointing is enough.

Now, some will say that ‘There are some thoughts which seem to automatically get my belief. What do I do about those?’ Isn't it? For those, you will check and find that these thoughts are usually about your main trump card identities. And for satsang, for people who come to satsang, it's mostly about satsang itself; freedom itself. Or about relationships or something like that. So when it comes like that, and they seem to automatically get you, then we use that. We pull them into our inquiry. So the thought could be ‘You're not free yet. You haven't got it yet. You're just faking it’. So then you say ‘Who? Who wants to be free? Who has not got it yet?’

And we don't leave it until actually it sounds like a joke when the thought comes. ‘You haven't got it yet’… ‘It's just a joke’. [Laughs] Because we've looked at it, and we saw there is nobody here to get anything. You see?

So, even this trick of the mind, to say that ‘Oh, but this automatically gets my belief’ then is used as an opportunity to inquire. And then it starts becoming very light.

I'm giving you all these tips today so that if you seem to get stuck in some of these, you'll be watchful of these.

So sometimes what happens is that we're too quick with inquiry. We say ‘Okay, I'm going to inquire into ‘Who wants relationship?’ or ‘Who has trouble with relationship?’ And say ‘Who am I?’ … ‘Oh, nobody. Oh, no trouble. Okay, finished, done’. You see? Like that. But it's not like this. Really look. And say ‘Whose relationship is it?’ [Silence] This thought comes ‘I should have the perfect partner’ or ‘I don't have a good partner’. Something… ‘Who is this one who wants a better partner?’ See, really look, with full integrity. And we keep looking until this thought playing in our head actually has no juice left. You see? In this way, then we are not postponing anymore. But really, really look.

And this identity will be divested with so much past belief. The sticky ones are those which have been nourished in the past, you see, with our own belief. So those are the stickiest ones. So, those we are looking at now and really pulling them in, and shining our own light on it and saying ‘What are you talking about? Who are you talking about?’ You find that there is nobody there.

Then next time when this thought comes, it's not as sticky. Then you say ‘Okay, I can choose not to believe it’. I-as-Consciousness, of course. So then as belief is divested more and more and more, then you find very naturally that attention doesn't want to go so much to this. Then very naturally you feel like attention is resting more peacefully at home, and it is very rare for belief to go and pick up some ideas.

So, in this way, the two powers of Consciousness which lead to this pretend play of person-person are themselves being used to come back from this play. This I feel is the simplest, simplest way, (if we can call it that), to really come to this discovery of what we are.

The discovery, like I said, is always Right Now. It is the dropping off of conditions which seems to play in time. And therefore we must not be so concerned about how it is happening for ‘me’, why I don't have this laughing/crying experience, why I don't have this awakening experience, head exploding, any of that?’ Because for some, it [conditioning] goes in big chunks, and when they are going, it can seem like ‘wow, wow!’ And for some, it goes slowly; slowly it is dissolving. Okay?

So, today is Easter, isn't it? This actually is the resurrection of the Being. The Being which was pretending to be personal got crucified, and now this Being is resurrected. It is not personal at all. It is free from all of this conditioning. So this is the true Easter, resurrection of Consciousness, of Being; unassociated, unburdened with ideas, with conditioning.

And sometimes, (actually it has to be said), we come to this point where even the idea that ‘I hope this is the last thing! I hope I don't waver from this’…, even that is sometimes the only burden remaining actually; the only conditioned idea remaining. Although, for a while, it seemed to have served us because it lead to this non-tolerance of anything that the mind was saying. But sometimes, this also becomes a message from the mind saying ‘Just make sure it's done, okay?’

The good thing is that this recognition, (because now you have checked over and over), this recognition is SO clear that it is not going anywhere. It's really not going anywhere. It's available every instant to you, isn't it? It's just that sometimes some conditioning can try to act up every once in a while. And that's why we have satsang. When the season starts for me, it's continuous, Monday through Friday. No room for the mind to escape. [Chuckles]

I feel very clearly now we have defined this so-called spiritual journey. And I feel very happy to be able to share these things so simply because then the mind cannot really play around too much with all of this.

The Old Habit of Making a Story Out of Our Life

So we're almost at the midway point. So I wanted to check with all of you. And I had a few questions for you. And answer with as much integrity as you can muster. How many of you are feeling stuck with something? How many of you are feeling stuck with this idea of non-personal existence, there is no person. Anyone stuck with this? Who is stuck with not really being clear with this sense of Being; the Being that we speak about? And who is stuck with this Awareness which is aware of Itself?

So, those who are stuck with the non-existence of the person, they can come up first one by one. [Someone comes to talk with Ananta]. So, what's the stuckness? Is it that you still feel like there is a person here, or what is it?

Q: I don't feel the person. Until I came here, I didn't feel anything like that. But from the day we came here, since then some energies are moving around which seems to be clouded kind of thing; it's not very clear or something like that. So it's like I feel like it's clouded, something like that. So much of energies I can feel in my heart area, which is like dense. It's like it has to be released. Something like that it is feeling. And because of these things happening, it feels like back to the mind or something. Something like that.

I know it's not true. I can see through that as well. And there's a little clarity coming; that control thing and identity thing. If I think about it, it is there. If I don't think about it, it's not there.

So, that which comes and goes. So you say ‘When I think about it or I give my attention and belief to my thoughts, then it seems to exist. But when I don't, it doesn't exist. So that which comes and goes…, this comes and goes?

Q: I know these are thoughts.

Yes, yes. These are thoughts which are coming and going. Now, are they coming and going for a person? Q: No. They're just coming and going. I can see them. I can see them clearly. That clarity is there. Even if I say that it's clouded, I know it's just a thought. But at times, it's forgotten…, to see that it's thought.

Yes. When you look, and you look, it's clear that there's no person.

Q: Yes. Very clear. And I know all these things are only thoughts, and they have no meaning.

Then you're not stuck with it.

Q: No, I'm not.

It's only that sometimes you buy into it. This ‘sometimes’ will keep reducing.

Q: That's right.

This ‘sometimes’ will keep reducing. Sometimes it feels like you come into the retreat, and it seems to amplify instead of reduce, because it is getting released in this environment. So that is okay. This ‘sometimes’ I say will keep reducing because the mind will say ‘Til it's 100%, I'm not done’. But I want to tell you, (and you've heard this before), that there is no 100%.

Q: Yeah, I know that.

I used to joke quite often and say ‘It's 99.976%’. Because 100% is a trap.

Q: Yes, it is. I'm already completed on that. Yeah. It makes sense. But it's too quick sometimes, and too automatic, so just…, it goes like that.

Sometimes. And these times keep reducing as we go along. So the ‘sometimes’…, even a sage can say ‘sometimes’. ‘Sometimes I buy into the personal idea’ is something even a sage can say. [Short interruption] So this ‘sometimes’, even a sage can say. ‘Sometimes I buy into the personal idea’. But when you ask him ‘So, how many times?’ … ‘Oh, maybe once in two months’. So this time will keep reducing.

Q: And I also notice that I'm not able to do any sadhana or any practice. I can't, even if I try, I can't do anything. Because it has to be very spontaneous and very natural. If I do something, it's like pushing something.

Yes. If you go with the sense that ‘I do…’ then you make a practitioner out of yourself. You yourself say ‘It must happen spontaneously if it is to happen’. And then you are witnessing even the practice happening. You see? You're not really feeling that you're the practitioner anymore.

Q: No.

This is good.

Q: It's happening, Father. But when I see others and they all close their eyes and sit in that silence, I don't feel…, honestly, I don't feel anything here. Even if there's something happening, (this is very honest, I'm telling you), I don't feel anything. I don't know if this is okay also. Am I actually doing the retreat?

I feel actually it's very good what's happening for you. Because yesterday something got released and as you sit in this field of satsang, more and more can be released. You don't even have to give yourself a report card about it. I also don't need to give you one.

Q: Yeah, but I think…, everyone keeps reporting to you also. The mind says like ‘Oh, why do you want to just sit and watch. Don't you have to do something?’ It just comes like that, and automatically I keep…, the mind thoughts keep coming about reporting what should be told and what not. I know that this is also …, I'm seeing that, so the moment it's seen, it just drops away. So, these things are happening by itself. But the releasing part is a bit painful; I can feel it. It's just a very intense pain in my heart. I can sense; since 3 days I've come here, it's going on.

Like an injection is also painful. But it's useful. You see? So you're getting a shot, an injection.

Q: And the constant prayer is going on, too, to Arunachala. It's just happening. Because he's the one who made me come here. All this is Grace, as you said; everything is Grace. I don't even know how I'm speaking now, how these words are coming. Although I sense that some resistance is also there, the mind is like ‘3 days more. How will you stay by yourself? [Silent retreat] Something like that.

Different forms.

Q: Yes, whatever is possible on Earth, it's just coming up. I'm just watching.

But you are clear that the person does not exist?

Q: Definitely, definitely. You see, the only thing is that there's an expectation that the mind also should settle because I've read somewhere Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] saying that ‘Thoughtless state is the goal’ or something like that. So, that desire is coming. Because I have previously been that; that kind of experience I've had. So, that is the blissful state, to be without thought. So, when you taste that, you don't want to be ‘here’. Something like that.

Having said that, it doesn't mean that these things should not be there; they are there. But it's okay. They're not bothering me anymore. It's not like how it was before, like somebody coming and telling in your ears or something like that. It's nothing like that. It's okay.

The thought comes and says ‘You must be thought-less’. [Laughs]

Q: Exactly. Because this thought, from Bhagavan it has come, it's a bit of …, you buy into it.

You know that I have this promise that I never speak anything which is not direct experience. And it is not my direct experience that thoughts stop. It is my direct experience that thought activity reduces. So, maybe I'm not enlightened or whatever, but I can only speak from what is here, you see? Thoughts reduce, thought activity reduces, the belief is close to non-existent. And therefore it doesn't really matter if there are thoughts or not.

Q: It was like that for me until I came here.

[Laughing] Drop this ‘report card’ also. It is just what it is right now. See, that's what I was been saying. I was saying the last two days that this guy is my nemesis, this checker guy, saying ‘It was like this, now it's like this, why like this?’ Constant evaluation. And anything I point, it takes that and makes a practice out of it. I say ‘Don't evaluate yourself’, and you wake up and you say ‘See, I'm still evaluating myself. He said not to evaluate yourself’. That evaluation happened.

Q: The morning when I was ….

[Laughs] Speak directly from here. No morning, no yesterday when I came, no Australia, India, Bangalore; nothing. Now. . .

Q: [Silence]

This is what I'm talking about. This is what I mean by freshness of this moment.

Q: I can sense that.

You don't need that evaluation. Because this is just the old habit of making a story out of our life, which continues in this way. Don't go there.

Q: Then I don't have anything to say.

This is good, no? Not that I mind hearing you, I enjoy hearing you, but just to be here whether words come or not is also seen. It's okay.

Q: Ah, it's cleared up in my heart, I can feel that.

[Smiles] Not even this evaluation. It seems like ‘I don't know what to do then, if I'm not evaluating’. Why? Because we got so used to this constant checking on ourselves. That's why I said ‘Drop the thermometer’.

Q: I can sense what you're saying. It's very subtle but I can sense it. The mind cannot grasp this, what you're saying, but it's gone inside.

Because it wants something to do.

Q: Exactly.

And it got habituated to making this report. And we valued that report earlier, you see? We had so much value for that report. ‘Okay, today, more quietness’ …, ‘today a little more noisy’…, ‘today, resistance’ …, ‘today bliss’. Like this. We got used to this report card. And you know that I speak with integrity, so you know that this report card doesn't happen here. R-a-r-e-l-y ever. And it's only trouble. What IS just IS. It is never a problem, even for Being.

This ‘I’ That Knows Presence Must Be What I Am in Reality

Questioner: [Silence] I just don't know where this is going.

Is that trouble, or is that good?

Q: It's trouble.

If you don't know where this is going.

Q: It's trouble. I'm going to give a report card. It felt really good yesterday when you said ‘Just leave everything’ and it felt like okay, just more space. And again then, this afternoon, like it started going into this really dark space. Just, something didn't want to go there, like …, [sighs], I have no idea, Father. So desperate, like really. Like something just wants a real inquiry to come because unless that comes, I feel like I can't get out of this. I was in my room, and I just had to walk up to the satsang hall. I start going into the mind, which just happens automatically now and it just takes me to a very dark..., I mean, I'm not there, but you, know it just.. , I'm still here.

That's good. So even with this ‘report card’ you can make, the One who Sees that this is a report, the One who is a Witness of your own words and these [Ananta's] words, what report can you make about That One? The One that sees dark and light, and joy and bliss, and grief and sadness, resistance and openness, … that report I'm very happy to hear. It's undeniable that It Is Here, isn't it? It's always here. What can we say about This One?

Is this Witness at some distance from us?

Or is that which is appearing at some distance, (seeming distance), from us?

What is dancing in front?

Is the Witness dancing in front of you?

Or are the appearances dancing in front of you?

The appearances are dancing in front of you.

And in what way are these appearances really touching the Witness?

Q: No way.

Now, the only way, if the appearances are not touching the Witness…, the only way for the appearances to touch You is that if you are something other than the Witness. Because you say that there is no way that these appearances touches this Witness. Therefore, for these appearances to affect You, You must be something other than the Witness. Can you become something other than This?

Q: [Silence]

You cannot become.

Q: I don't know what happens when it goes into that space. Let's look at that.

So, what happens when it goes into that space? Let's look at that. What is the ability to give reality to these appearances? That is our attention, isn't it? To give seeming-reality to these appearances, we have a power called attention. So, it is attention that goes into this phenomenal realm and makes it come alive, seemingly.

So, attention has gone here and there; it's been everywhere. What has happened to the Witness because of it?

Q: Can we just look again at the Witness, because I don't want to just say ‘I am the Witness’ because I've been saying it every time. I assume that I know it.

Yes, yes. Don't say anything until you have a direct experience.

Q: I just want to look at it now.

Yes, all of you. Let's look together at this. Use any sensation in the body and check. Who is witnessing it? There is a witnessing which is undeniable.

And allow anything to come, any sensation, any sound, and check: Who witnesses this?

Is there a witnessing of it, or no?

Q: [Nods yes.]

There is. Then we said: What is more intimate? Is it the Witnessing that I truly am, or is it the appearance that I am?

Q: [Silence or inaudible]

It's simpler than that. Whatever is coming in the way and saying ‘This is difficult’ or ‘It's getting cloudy’…, it is simpler than that. Because whatever is coming and seeming to cloud up also is seen. Or no?

Because many times we say that ‘I'm getting these blocks along the way. I'm getting these clouds along the way’. We can say these [things]. But in this, there is an apparent presumption that I have to walk from here to there; only then can I be blocked. Isn't it? There can be a block only if I'm trying to get somewhere. I'm asking ‘Where are you already?’

Q: I'm just here.

You see? So we're not trying to get anywhere. We're not trying to move a single inch. Just seeing this: that any appearance, be it cloudiness or openness, I am witnessing that.

Q: It's just too simple.

It's too simple. Simplest.

Q: It just feels like now the mind has been given so much energy that it actually doubts the Witnessing. And is trying to trace the Witnessing that I already am. And I can't be seen like that. And that it's trying to put a picture that something's trying to grab onto.., like this is what's hanging on.

But all of this you would not even be able to say unless there was a witnessing of it.

Q: Yeah.

So the mind with all of its tricks has no power to dent the Witnessing in any way.

Q: No. Nothing happens to Me.

No. So, now this Witnessing is here. This is the predominant Truth of what I truly Am.

And then, what is the most intimate experience, phenomenal experience? It is this sense that I Am, I exist.

Check; keep checking with me. So, there's this Witnessing. It is not even Being, It is just the Witnessing, It is just Awareness Itself.

Q: [Silence]. There's some resistance to that.

Even this resistance…, don't resist the resistance. Let it come. Even that is Seen. This Seeing is untouched by any resistance. And then you find that the Being is also untouched by any resistance. That's why I've given you this key, to ask yourself ‘Can I stop Being?’

[Silence]

So is this Being also Witnessed, or no? You know of the Presence, that's exactly what I'm saying. There is a Knowingness of the Being.

Q: But that doesn't feel like me.

We haven't even got to feeling yet. You see? Right now we're just at the Seeing, and the Being.

Now, with this Being, there is all of this phenomenal play that starts. All the energies start. All the forces of God, all the forces of Consciousness, they start. What happened to the Witnessing in all of this? Did something happen?

No matter what the state is. No matter what the appearance is. No matter if even the appearance of Being is there or not. Does something happen to the Seeing?

Q: I don't want to say ‘no’ right now because I can't [inaudible].

Yes. But right now you see that even Being is not affecting the Witnessing in any way, the Seeing in any way. Although it might be very intimate.

Q: The knowing is there, but …

So, this Knowing, can it be touched by even the Being…, affected in any way by the Being?

Q: The Being is not affected in any way.

I'm saying ‘Is the Knowing affected even by the Being?’ You said ‘There is a Knowing of Being’. But is the Knowing affected even by the Being? Who's with me on this one?

Q: This one doesn't make sense to me?

Okay. There's a Knowing, or no?

Q: There's a Knowing of the Being.

There's a Knowing of the Being. Is it You that is Knowing? Or no?

Q: Yeah.

So if you are the Knowing, then the Being is the most primal appearance which is coming in front of you?

Q: Yeah.

So, if Being is arising, in what way is the arising of the Being affecting this Knowing that You Are?

Q: It can't affect; it comes out of the Knowing.

It can't affect; it comes out of the Knowing. Okay. Then, in the light of this Being, all the rest of this drama starts. Isn't it? All the play, the energies, the joy and the bliss and the grief and the sadness; all of this arises in the light of this Consciousness, on the screen of the same Consciousness.

You see? So if the Being itself did not touch the Knowing, then how can any of that play which is happening within the Beingness touch this Knowing?

Q: [Silence] So, it's not doing anything to anybody, the appearance, is it not?

Yes. No appearance can ever hurt This.

Q: [Silence] The problem is that there's a sense that the appearance shouldn't be this way because I have been in satsang.

Yes. And this sense means what? That it should not be this way means what? A thought is coming ‘It should not be this way’.

Q: And then it brings all its friends.

It brings all its friends, cousins. [Laughs] Yes. So what? If you say that ‘I am this Knowing’ then what happens if it brings the entire army of cousins and friends, … if you are the Witnessing of it and the Witnessing is untouched? It's like the space in this room is complaining about how many of us are there. ‘I just want one or two. 40 or 50 becomes too much’. [Smiles] Is it concerned? The space in this room is unconcerned with what is appearing inside the room. And there is no way that anything appearing inside this room can harm the space. You see? And the fact is, you're not even this space. You are the witness of even this space. So, the space of Being is where all of this play is happening, and You are just watching it.

Q: [Silence]. That doesn't hit home always, Father, when you say it.

Not always; but now, where is it? [Laughs]

Q: Even right now, it doesn't make it….

Okay. Which part?

Q: The Seeing. ..

The Seeing is untouched by anything that's happening in the appearances, which are all happening in the Being.

Q: Yes, but when I check the Seeing doesn't feel…, (I don't want to say ‘feel’), but I don't feel at home, like, with the Seeing.

‘I’ don't feel? So, at what distance is the Seeing from you? If you are to be comfortable with something, like if you are to be comfortable with your roommate, there must be some distance between the two of you. Now, at what distance is the Seeing from you?

Q: [Silence]

Where are you, that the Seeing is not?

Q: [Silence]

Is there anywhere where this Seeing is, but you are not?

Q: I can say the Being is everywhere that I am; where ever I am.

And you know this? Or no?

Q: Yes.

This Knowing is what I'm calling the Seeing, you see?..., the Awareness.

Q: Yeah.

So, this Knowing knows of Being. So what is closer to you? You say ‘I know that Presence is here, that Being is here’. You don't say ‘Being knows that I am here’. [Holding his hand above his head, pointing hand down toward the body]: If there was a Being [above] that knew that I am here, then the Being would be the predominant one; and I would be an object in comparison to that. You say ‘I know of the Presence’. Therefore You are the predominant one, this Knowingness.

Q: [Silence] Sorry, I'm just taking time. Like there's always a control from the mind, especially with the Seeing here. [Silence]

Do I know Presence? Or does Presence know I?

Let's all check.

Q: I know Presence.

I know Presence. Therefore this I that knows even Presence must be what I am in reality.

Q: [Long Silence] I think it's too simple, and something's trying too hard.

Yes, it is too simple. Simpler than simple. Because very naturally we could be having the same conversation; you know, we could just be sitting and saying ‘I know of Presence’. That's all that we are saying.

Q: It's like something has to click, or …

But it's already clicked. ‘I know of Presence’. [Laughs] This is clear, or no? It is I that knows Presence, it is not Presence that knows of Me. Therefore, this Knowingness must be greater. And this Knowingness has no size, shape, form; nothing. It remains unchanged, untouched. It has no time.

As I say all of these things, check for yourself whether it is true or not. Don't just hear them like nice, fancy words; ‘so beautiful, so beautiful’. Just check. It's unchanging, untouched Witnessing. It has no time, it knows no effort. It has no color, size and shape. It is not a visual, it is not imagination. It knows sleep and waking. Some of you must be sleepy, and you can check; even this sense of sleepiness or falling asleep for a few seconds and waking up, You know of it. No state changes this. It does not move. It is neither big nor small. You cannot find a location of it. And yet It Is. It is neither sad nor happy; neither blissful nor grieving; neither confused nor clear. All this does not apply to This. This is Your unchanging reality. That which is changeful is just coming and going appearances.

So, the instant we can say that it is Seen, in that instant we should also be able to say that it is just another appearance. There is nothing You need from any appearance. This Seeing does not need anything from anything; and yet it has no lack. Contentment nor desire mean nothing for This. It has no likes nor dislikes. It has no way It is supposed to be, no concepts apply to It at all. And whether you like it or not, This is What You are. Resist with all your might, but you cannot convince me that you are something other than This I.

Just another appearance coming and going, a passing cloud in the sky, and we say ‘I am going…, This is happening to me’. You are the Witness of it. You are not keeping up the Witnessing, you're not making sure you're a good Witness and sometimes you become a bad Witness. It is just the Witnessing Itself.

Q: It's like the Seeing is more home than the Witness.

The Seeing is more home…? Because the Witness…, when I'm saying [Witness], I'm referring to the Witnessing Itself, which is the same as the Seeing.

Q: So, I'm saying the Presence also doesn't feel like me.

Only a sage can say that…, to say that: Even before this ‘I Am’ …, ‘I’ am.

Q: [Deep sigh] [Silence]

The one that wants to own this Seeing, that says ‘Now I saw it!’…, this one is also Seen. The one that says ‘I hope this doesn't go; I hope this remains like this’…, this one is also Seen. The tricks of the mind. Because You already saw that the Seeing is unchanging and moving. It doesn't need any help from the mind. It doesn't need any reinforcement saying ‘I hope it stays this way’ or ‘I better be like this’. This advice is not for the Seeing. The Seeing is just Seeing. And Being is just Being. This voice is just talking…

Will anything from the mind help this Seeing become better at Seeing? [Laughs] Will any advice from the mind help the Being do a better job at Being? [Laughs]

Q: It's like there's really nothing to understand. [Laughs]

There is nothing to understand, yes. And this the mind cannot understand.

Q: There's no play at the moment.

The play…, when we say ‘the play’ it's just that these appearances come and go. We cannot deny that these appearances come and go.

Q: It's like only when there's a sense of time that the play feels real.

Yes, it feels real only if we believe it to be real.

Q: Just right now there's no play. I'm just talking to you.

Yes, so the appearance of this talking is happening but there's no investment in any of this. You see? Because you're not believing that you're part of this play of appearances you say ‘This is just something going on, and I'm not in it’.

Q: I can't even say ‘I'm not in it’ because...

Okay, no need to say that also. But definitely you cannot say ‘I am in it’.

Q: No. [Silence] I can just see thoughts arise and just die.

Thoughts are arising and dying. All appearances are arising and dying. Does it make any difference to this Seeing? No.

Q: It makes no difference to anybody.

It makes no difference to anybody, because there's nobody here.

[Laughter in the room]

Does it compute? It does, because you say the Seeing is untouched by it. The Seeing is not a ‘somebody’.

Q: Even the Being feels like nobody. It's just a sense.

Yes. The Being is also nobody.

Q: But it's like an energetic nobody.

Yes, it feels like energetic Presence…, which is Known.

This Absolute One, You Are

Prior to any appearance, prior to any idea, before any effort, before any finding, any discovery, before this Now, before anything, You Are. This Self is ever-present.

Before waking, before sleep, before dream, before turiya, before awakening, before freedom, before bondage, before experience, before thought, before emotion, You Are.

There is nowhere to go. There is nothing to find. You have never left the destination. You can only be This.

There is no need to struggle. There is no cause even for celebration, because This You have always been. Before all the tricks of the mind, before all the sensations in the body, before all appearances in this realm, You Are Here. Before here was here, before there was there, You Are.

This is too simple for the mind to understand. Stop feeding the mind also with any spirituality. There was a time for that, and now it is done.

Before you and I…, That Absolute One You Are. You are Here Now.

There is no ego here, there never was. You are done with the play, as a work of fiction. Now you play as God. All of this is Your leela, it is for your joy. Even your grief You enjoy.

There is no need to renounce this realm. There is no need to renounce anything at all. Just renounce this false voice which tries to convince you that You are something that never existed. Don't resist any appearance, because it is Your play. There is neither the doer, nor the thinker. Both doing and thinking are appearances dancing in front of You.

There is nothing to get, there is nothing you can lose. There is nowhere to go, and there is nowhere to stay. Not even God can change what You Are…, the Eternal Absolute Self, the Witnessing of this entire manifestation, which is nothing but a grain of sand compared to what You Are.

What Divine magic this must be to pretend that You can be a speck within the grain of sand, and pretend to look for YourSelf, which was never lost.

This Divine maya is for Your own joy. No person has ever lived here. Prior to even Being, You Are the Knowingness of all there is, which cannot be seen by worldly eyes yet It is undeniable.

What maya is this that we gather here today to look for something that was never lost; Knowing that this is also part of the same Divine play?

In this play, may we all come to this realization; if that is Your will.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

The Feeling That ‘I Am In The Body’

Q: I thought I would explore this ‘I Am-ness’ with you. There still seems to be some attachment to the ‘I’ thought.

The ‘I’ thought. How does it work, the ‘I’ thought?

Q: Or let’s say to the body; more concrete.

How does it play itself, attachment to the body? How does it play itself?

Q: It feels like as if I am still in the body or I have a body.

Oh, the sense that ‘I exist in the body’. Is it like that? Actually what I say is something radical and contrary to what most other sages have said. Most other sages have said that ‘I am the body’ idea is the cause of all suffering. But when I look at it, the ‘I am the body’ idea does not cause too much suffering.

It is the ‘I am the person’ idea, the person who owns the body, the person who has relationships, the person who wants to make money, the person who wants freedom is the cause of suffering. And I have to only speak of what I see, irrespective of if Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] also may have said it, honestly.

So I see that actually if I only believe that I am the body, then there is not so much trouble actually. Because sometimes it can have pain, sometimes it needs some attention, but not so much trouble. It is when I pick up the identity of the owner of the body ‘that whose body this is’…, if I pick up an identity of the owner of my relationships, the owner of my security, bank account, money and job and the owner of my freedom, this ‘person’ idea, that is what the cause of suffering is.

So I have not found that the ‘I am the body’ idea is so much trouble. Actually it's quiet innocent. I say that many times if you go the Indian villages they just have this contentment, because they just feel that they are this body. It is very simple, their task is to find food for the day. They live a very hand to mouth existence and yet they smile more than most. So, I don't find ‘I am the body’ idea is so much trouble.

I feel that the ‘I am the person, I am the ego, I am a separate entity’ idea, which relies on this shape of the body, the appearance of the body for confirmation…, this ‘I am the person’ idea relies on this body for confirmation of separate existence; that we can say. But just the feeling that ‘I am the body’ is not the trouble. I feel this, but if you still feel differently, then I am open.

Q: A different question comes to my mind. What is the difference between ‘I Am-ness’ and Awareness?

The Presence is also witnessed by Awareness. Although it is made up of Awareness Itself. So if we start the other way…, many of us have had this experience, (in fact all of us in our sleep have this experience), that Awareness is all there is; there is no phenomenon.

Not even the sense ‘I Am’ is there. So Awareness is all there is. And then, when that which we call waking state comes, we find that the Being is here, the sense that ‘I Am’ is here. So if Awareness was all there is, what must Being be made up of? Awareness Itself.

But just that it plays qualitatively differently. That's why I use the example of water and ice; that it is all water but it has the ability to form a more qualitatively, seemingly tangible Presence called Being. That is why my Master calls it the dynamic aspect of the same one Awareness, which is what we call Consciousness, Beingness.

But you know, there was nothing, there was no-thing, and then this Being was there, in this which we call waking state. So This that is Aware that there was no phenomenon, and then there was this primal phenomenon, that remains unchanged

Q: Is there Awareness that there is no phenomenon?

Yes, yes, because nobody told you in your sleep there was nothing. You know it. This Knowingness Itself is Awareness.

Q: But couldn't it be an inference once you wake up?

An inference would mean that you use the mind. Inference means what? That a thought comes and you buy it and that becomes an inference.

No, it is like right now if you fall asleep, it is so boring what I am saying that you just wake up…, ‘Sorry, sorry, I fell asleep’. Without the thought even coming that you fell asleep or something like that, you know it. You see? So this Knowing is prior to the thought that you were asleep or not. So it was not an inference.

You see, even if you ask a child who has not fully developed the language enough to make these inferences and things like this, he will say ‘I went to sleep. Now I just woke up. The class was so boring I went to sleep’. Kids know, even children. They are not trying to infer anything.

So this Knowingness; you say there was nothing and then a dream came. It is your direct experience, it is not a mental inference. That which knows that a dream came, that which knows waking came, that also knows that no-thing was there.

Q: Here, there has been a practice of just being aware, being aware of the body, being aware of sensations. Because I don't want to believe anything, and I know you don't ask us to believe anything. I myself am like that, I don't want to believe anything. I see it for myself.

Very good.

Q: So I tend to believe more in sensations rather than in thoughts. Or I rely on, I put my money on, sensations rather than ideas.

So let's look at this together. Sensation can come. Without the interpretation of that sensation, what is there to believe or not?

Q: Nothing.

There is nothing to believe. But it can be Seen, it can be Witnessed. But belief can be applied only to concepts, and concepts only come from thoughts.

So it is not the belief you are talking about. It is the true contemplation of direct experience, which I am very happy to hear.

Because if it is…, like I was saying on the first day, that if all that happens is that you came with one set of beliefs and you leave with another set of beliefs, then it is not really what we are talking about. The world is full like that. Every class, everything that you attend, every training, everything is like ‘I am going to give you a new set of beliefs’. Here is the dropping of all of these ideas and beliefs and to see that without any attributes, without any conditions to your Presence, then you find you truly discover what You are.

Q: Yes, that has been the attempt. But still I feel that something is not seen. Still there is an urge to inquire.

So, this urge is also Seen. This urge is also Seen. Who is the Witness of this urge?

Q: I can't name it.

Can there be an urge without the Presence of the Being?

Q: No.

All the tasting that happens in this phenomenal realm is phenomenally perceived by Being Itself. This we can check. If you drink some water, it is experienced cold or hot. If you touch the chair it is experienced.

All of this is happening in the screen of Being, in the space of Being, in the Presence of Being. Nothing is experienced outside of this sense of ‘I Am-ness’. You see? So this is the phenomenal perceiving which is happening in Being, by Being.

But there is a Knowingness of this. There is an Awareness of this, which knows even of the presence of or the absence of Being.

It is very simple what I am saying. This mind can say ‘Okay, this is getting very abstract’. No, it is not. I am just saying that you Know that this phenomenal experience is happening. This Knowingness itself is unchanging.

So that which Knows that this phenomenon is being experienced, that which Knows this entire play is being experienced, that is What You Are.

And like you said, you must not believe anything I am saying. You can use it as a pointer and check for yourself. And if you find that your experience is something different than this then you must come up and say ‘What do you mean, the Knowing of this?’

Then you will discover that it is simpler than anything that your mind was trying to tell you about it. It is very natural what I am speaking.

I Know that ‘I Am’ is here…, is the same as saying ‘I know I am here’.

So then, what is being said like this, you check for yourself if it resonates. And if you find any dissonance then you come up and say ‘I don't find. What is this? What do you mean by this?’ Because everything I am saying is the inquiry.

Q: They seem to go parallel, the awareness of the inquiry and inquiry itself, the urge to inquire.

Yes, the urge to inquire is phenomenally perceived in the Presence of Being and there is Knowingness which remains unchanged, whether there is urge or not.

So what is more original to you? Is it this Knowingness? Or is it the play of Beingness? What seems like it is more intimate? What seems like it is closer?

Q: Some form of emptiness, I think, but it doesn't feel like anything.

Yes exactly, exactly. This emptiness, or this no-thingness, is your original state, is that which witnesses even sleep state; that Knowingness of all states which come and go. This One has no size, no shape, no form. And that's why it does not feel like anything. You see? For it to feel like something it has to have some quality. But it is the Being in which all qualities appear and disappear. This is prior to that.

Q: I will just let that sink in.

Yes, yes. This checking…, not obsessively or anything, just as a joy. Just to check: Who Am I? Am I Aware Now? And the recognition comes instantly. This is the dropping of the conditioning itself, the false conditioning that ‘I was the person, this ego’…, all of this is dropping very harmoniously in this inquiry.

Q: Thank you.

Thank you. Very good, very good, my dear.

That Which Cannot Be Lost Needs No Effort to Find

If you were to peel off the layers of this existence one by one, like an onion, how would we go about it? So first layer, this outer experience. So suppose we peel that off. I still remain, isn't it? If our outer world is no longer there, I still remain. Then the next layer is this body. The body peeled off, I still remain.

Now this field of thoughts; thoughts, memories, imagination, that which we call the mind, that also peeled off. I'm still here. Then the layer of emotions, sensations; suppose that is also kept aside. Still I am.

Now, even this sense that I am, if we keep it aside, this I that remains when all these layers are deconstructed…, this One cannot be removed, cannot be kept aside. So naturally it is present here. It is the core of your reality.

Everything else is a super-imposition on top of this. We make the mistake of trying to go outside to find it, trying to make effort to find it, to do some practice to find it. But it is not in that direction. It is a simple looking at That which is Looking Itself. A simple Witnessing of the purest witnessing. It never went anywhere; you did not lose this, you cannot lose this. That which cannot be lost needs no effort to find. It needs no time. Simpler than simple. It cannot stop this Awareness, it cannot stop this primal Witnessing, this Knowingness.

No steps are needed. No journey is required. Find out what cannot be kept aside. When all appearances, all that is coming and going, is left aside, what remains?

And in the little time that we have left together now, find This!..., the Witnessing of all appearances. Don't be concerned with that which is appearing, that which is coming and going, because that is in time. That will be born and it will die. Find that which is Eternal.

Who am I?............. [Silence]

Who am I? ………..[Silence]

Where am I? ……...[Silence]

Where am I? ………[Silence]

What am I? ……......[Silence]

What am I? ………..[Silence]

Who am I? ………...[Silence]

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

The Three Main Keys

Q: I wanted to clarify at that moment, and then he came. And I said ‘Oh I am going to forget this’ but then I say it is perfect because the mind wanted to retain it and I said ‘It's okay’.

This is very good. So we come fresh. Doesn't matter even what happened two seconds ago. Right now even we are fresh. And make no attempts to present something at all. Just if something comes, it comes.

Q: It comes this very deep gratitude, so much blessings. There is so much Love that emanates from your Being and that's what made me fully trust in being here. I have never seen a video of yours or anything. I just countered your gaze at Swatantranand ashram, like twice. And there was something, and I went to one Satsang; I couldn't listen to anything, and then the second one and then I was like…no doubt. Many things you have said are here with me. Thank you for that so much, so, so much. And just to clarify, this is here. Every sensation, the experience that ‘I Am’, is from the Being.

Yes.

Q: But to see that is only Awareness.

Ah. This perceiving of phenomenon is also Being. That's what I call ‘the phenomenal perceiving’…, so that it doesn't get confused. Like if you eat a biscuit, then you get the taste of the biscuit. Only in the light of the Being can you this taste be experienced. Isn't it?

There is a Knowing that this tasting is happening.

That Knowing is Awareness.

This tasting is still a product of Being.

So this way, the perceiving of all phenomenon including sensation, emotions, all of this belongs to this Being itself. And yet there is a Knowing that this is happening which remains untouched. That Knowingness is Awareness.

Q: Okay, for example, for a blind person who has never seen the ocean and we are sitting together and with my eyes closed I can see the ocean. And the other person can also, but it is a different experience. But that seeing is happening in Being.

In Being. Both are happening in Being. All perceiving of phenomenon is happening in Being, by Being.

I am very happy you brought out this point because this point confuses a lot of people. That's why I made this term ‘phenomenal perceiving’…, just to make sure we are talking about the tasting of phenomenon, this experiencing of phenomenon, which is a product of Being itself.

Knowingness is uninvolved and yet it knows that this is what is happening.

Q: So the ‘I know that I am aware’…. is …

This is Awareness aware of Itself. Because it is not phenomenally seen. It is a non-phenomenal Seeing. All phenomenal seeing belongs to the Being

Q: But the Being itself is phenomenal?

The Being is phenomenal. The root phenomena. You see, it is like the boundary between the non-phenomenal and the phenomenal.

It is the root phenomena; the Om, the ‘I Am-ness, the primordial. You see?

Q: It can be in a way like the Being is the body and the Awareness the eyes? Like for when I am in the store and I just want to come back and not be a person…, because sometimes…, and just to come back. It just feels like that. But I want to clarify; not to be mixing or that mind is coming.

Maybe a clearer one is that: The Awareness is the witness of this movie which is playing. And the Being is the light of the projector, as well as the screen and the movie itself. You see?

Q: Just that it is simpler that simple, I would say. And also Guruji…, sometimes I say ‘Okay, (as you say occasionally) verify’. I feel that mind is making it a little bit difficult. Do I need to see it, and then breathe and then come back? And this clarifying is because it is an instant.

What came was that this sensation of ‘I Am’ is very strong, the Being. And then the eyes who sees that is the Awareness. Something like this…

Q: Yes? It's not mind?

So let me tell you that I have given you 3 main keys.

The first key: You are free right now, the reality of what you are is free, but you have the power to pretend to suffer.

And how you have the power or how you use this power is only by believing your next thought. So the end of suffering is available right now if you don't believe your next thought. This is the first key.

[Second key]: Then you say ‘Okay, so this is the end of personal suffering. I see that I cannot suffer unless I pick up a thought. But what about Consciousness or God or Being? Can you show me God?’

And I say ‘Yes. I show you by asking you this question: ‘Can you stop Being?’

And you find that the Presence is here and this Presence is the light. When it comes ‘on’ then this entire manifestation creation starts to play. When it goes off, there is no thing, no phenomenal existence then.

This is the ‘I Am-ness’.

In the Bible it says ‘God said I Am that I Am’.

So this is that discovery, ‘I Am that I Am’.

[Third key]: Then you say ‘What about the Absolute, the Self?’

And for this I ask you ‘Are you aware now?’

And you say ‘Yes’. But you have not had a phenomenal experience to say ‘Yes’. It is prior to that.

This is Awareness aware of Itself. The Knowing of Awareness, or the knowing of the Knowing Itself.

No mind can fathom this. But in reality you cannot miss this.

The struggle is only in the mind trying to understand this; if there is a struggle. Because very naturally like a child you say ‘Yes, I am Aware’. This ‘I’ that is Aware is Awareness only, because no entity can be Aware. You see?

So with these 3 keys it unravels this entire seeming-spiritual journey. You see? The disillusion of the person is the non-belief in the next thought. No person can exist unless you believe your next thought. It does not even exist then, it exists only at pretense. But you cannot even pretend to be a person unless you believe your next thought. That's why I say ‘You want to see God pretending to be a person? Believe you next thought’. That is the only way it can happen.

Then I say ‘This experience of Consciousness, I want it to be my direct experience. How to find it?’

Now this inquiry is very cleverly designed. Because if I said ‘Go find your Being’ then it seems confusing. ‘Is this my Being? Is that my Being? My Being is not clear’.

That's why I say: ‘Can you stop being?’

When I say ‘stop being’ it becomes clear: ‘No, this Being is here. I cannot stop’.

You see? This is a very quick way to come to the direct experience of Beingness.

And then the last question we can ask in two ways. The first is: ‘Am I Aware now?’

So clear: Awareness aware of Itself.

Or the second way to ask is: ‘Who is aware even of this Being?’

…‘I’… This ‘I’ that is aware of this Being is Awareness Itself.

And actually if you stay with these 3 simple pointings, you cannot get lost anywhere in this.

I tried to create a mind-proof design. Like we say ‘A fool-proof design’. But the mind is a fool, so a mind-proof design. And yet it comes with some tricks obviously, but that's its job.

Q: Anything else is mind.

We can say like that, yes. [Laughter]

Can We Give This Freedom?

If there still remains this sense that ‘I still want freedom’ then sometimes it's a good idea to give freedom. What do I mean by this? We want freedom but we are unwilling to give it to the outer word; the seeming outer world. If we can allow all appearances to appear just as they are…

Everything which is appearing in our sensory perception, can we allow it to just be as it is?

Can we give this freedom to the world?

Can we give this freedom to our relationships?

Can we give this freedom to our life circumstances?

Can we give this freedom to our seeming-inner world of thoughts; allowing all thoughts to come and go, not resisting any of them?

Can we give this freedom to our emotions; not interpreting and judging them, not resisting them, not saying ‘This should come, this should not come’?

If you can just allow all of this…

Can we give this freedom to our attention, to allow it to move about naturally?

Can we give this freedom to our actions which are naturally arising as appearances within the same Consciousness instead of picking up guilt and remorse and pride?

So, as long as there is a sense that there is an ‘I’ that wants freedom, let this ‘I’ give freedom.

And then in this allowing, non-resistance, you will find that this ‘I’ never existed in the first place. There never was this doer. There never was this experiencer. There never was one who could get freedom. And there never was one who could give it.

This simple allowing, this simple non-resisting space, is our most natural state, which allows even all states to come and go; the back ground of all of this movement, unchanging.

Letting go of all sense of control. And letting go of the sense of evaluation and judgment.

In this moment, you are free.

Unless you decide to resist.

And even then you are free, actually, but you can pretend to be bound.

May this openness be your natural, direct experience.

And may this be the gift that you carry from the beautiful time that we have spent together.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

The Immensity of the Guru

Q: In tears...

Happy tears or what? [Smiles]

Q: I was reflecting on the nature of the Guru. It took me a while to know the immensity of you, to know the immensity of a Guru. You know how long it took, this separation in the arrogance. Only grace, only grace can open the eyes. We are so blinded by arrogance, so blinded. Every move we try to question the Guru, not knowing that Guru is the Source, the Ocean, mercy, compassion. So easy to melt, disappear because any suppression is arrogance. One can never know the Ocean unless you disappear. It is now. There is no, there is no..., I mean you have to be nothing like the ... [inaudible]. I am ready to die, yet that death is so beautiful, auspicious. If I can say to all my brothers and sisters, I say disappear, keep no identity. Easiest way, easiest way, trust the Guru. To be at the feet of the Guru is to be on top of the world. Never question the Guru. If you are ready. Otherwise move away, because if we are not, they are not there. Don't ever question the Guru's actions. I was grieving yesterday.

Only Consciousness Has the Power of Belief

Q: I just want to clarify fully before I leave. So now when I was sitting in silence this was the question; something was coming up this way so I just wanted to kind of go through with you. So let's say I am laying down and I am aware of my thoughts and all the feelings and I am not believing into anything. For example, what comes is ‘Let's have a drink, like having water’. I believe into it and I go for it. So is it bad? Because we were talking about we shouldn't believe in our next thought.

The presumption is that it is my belief in my thought which leads to a particular action. But what you will find is both; that the action is as much of an appearance as the thought was. Many times you will have the thought ‘I want to get a drink of water’ and you believe it, yet the body is not moving and the drink of water is not happening. You see? So if it is purely controlled by this belief in thought, your action, then it will just be like this. All of us will go to work like Superman, get everything done because all of our thoughts are always the best, you see. Many times we have this thought the other way where, say, we go to work thinking ‘Today I am just going to tell my boss I hate you, I quit’. But we show up at work and say ‘Yes sir, what can I do for you?’

So the thought is an appearance, an energy construct which is appearing, and the action is also an appearance, an energy construct which is appearing. That's why Guruji says ‘You are neither the thinker of thoughts nor the doer of actions’. So what happens is just because this thought precedes the action, we feel that it is because of my belief in the thought that the action happened, and yet all these actions are just happening. My hand is moving like this, you see, without any thought about it. There was no thought that I will move my hand this way or that way. There is no thought that I will speak these words. It is just happening spontaneously.

Q: Yes, there is one more question connected to this one because let's say I answer that okay, sometimes I believe, sometimes I don't. Then who believes it? Because Consciousness cannot believe into anything. So then this comes; it must be another thought. So let's say, yeah sometimes actions appear by themselves unconsciously, so like moving the hand, I wasn't thinking about moving it.

Exactly.

Q: But, let's say when I am sitting in silence and thoughts are coming, just coming, coming and letting go, peaceful and very nice and aware of the peacefulness and everything, it's nice. And then negative thoughts are coming, too; letting go of past, like memories, you know. Now it's automatic; you just don't get it. But then, let's say, maybe you should plan to book a taxi for tomorrow and then you can let go, yes. And then I can let it go this way, or I can engage into it and it won't trouble me. Yeah?

So your first part of the question was ‘Who is the one that believes a thought because Consciousness cannot do it’. That's what you say. I say, only Consciousness is here therefore only Consciousness can do it. That's why I say that the powers of attention and belief only belong to Consciousness. There is nobody else here, you see. We didn't find this one; we looked for so many days. So it is only Consciousness that has the power of belief. A thought has no power of belief. A thought cannot believe another thought. A thought is just come and gone. It is not around actually to believe the next thought, it is already gone. In deep sleep state there no question of belief, isn't it? There is no Consciousness there, so no question of belief. It is when this dynamic aspect is born, called Being or Consciousness, then it has all of these powers of attention, belief, identity and all these phenomenal powers.

Q: But let's say I believe into a thought and then I can see that I believed into it as well. So, this is…., I see the Consciousness believing into a thought.

Yes, because this is the only ‘I’ there is here, in this way. When you say ‘I believe my thought’ which ‘I’ are you referring to? This ‘I’ that is Being; not the Awareness of this Being, the Being itself.

Q: Okay, and then when I believe the negative thought, how can Consciousness be in trouble then?

It's never really in trouble. That's why I say it is only pretending. The power of belief is God's ability to pretend to be a person. It's a big pretense. That's why in India, it's called a Leela, which means a play. You see, it's just a play. It's God's play. To give this play more juice, it gave itself the power of this belief. Just like this.

Okay, so I take this example often, but maybe you have not heard it. We put on a computer game. And then when it starts, if you are not believing anything, (you are not that character, there is no story that you are engaged in), then you have no fun. You must find a relate-able character, you must want to kill the enemies of that character, you must achieve a mission, you see. So you have to believe yourself to be that James Bond or whatever character, and then the game seems enjoyable. You will read a book. If none of the characters are relate-able, you don't feel you connect with any of them, is the book enjoyable? No. The same for a movie. You go to a movie and you cannot relate to the protagonist, it's a boring movie. Like this. So the power of belief is our power to give meaning to something which is just an appearance. But in reality, what happened to God? Nothing. It is only pretending. So the game of delusion, and freedom from this delusion, is all one big pretense, you see.

Q: Yes. So now, for example, when the thought comes that ‘Okay, let's have some watermelon’…, (going back to the same example), I go into it. So there is no trouble in believing it, right?

Yes, so you find that most practical thoughts do not cause these kind of identity-related troubles.

Q: So because in this…, ‘Oh no, I cannot believe, I'm not going to go there, I'm not going to do it, okay, I'm just going to stay here’.., then worrying feeling comes, and then it's more irritating than if I would follow any of those.

Yes, but the thing, even with practical thoughts, is that sometimes they cause us to maintain this belief that ‘I am the doer’. You see? So you will find that this false entity that doesn't exist cannot be the doer of anything. That which doesn't exist cannot do anything, isn't it? That's all I am saying. So, if the person doesn't exist, therefore this thought is talking to who? You see, this advice that ‘You must get a watermelon or drink a glass of water’…, is for who? You say ‘The person doesn't exist, we looked and looked and looked, we don't find’.

Then, the second alternative is that God himself, who is the creator and projector of all of this, needs to rely on these practical thoughts to run this life. This is very strange because it is the creator of the thought itself. Then, if it is the creator of the thought itself, why it needs to believe it to do that?

So therefore you will find that, as you let go of all of these thoughts, you will find that actions continue to happen. The fear comes that ‘I will become like a vegetable, sitting on my bed. I won't move at all’. But you find that actions move on their own; you find it, you see? But not under the dominance of thoughts. Therefore, that's why I say the key to this conversation always is: Who is the thought advising? Is it advising a person or is it advising God. Now person, we didn't find.

Q: So, there must be a person before even the thought comes…, or it's not possible?

There is never a person. But to play this game personally, this game of thought, appearance and belief in thought is happening to have some juice in this Leela. Because actually it is quite a ludicrous idea that the One that is creating the thought then needs to listen to the thought to be able to run this practical life. So Guruji takes this example of the tree. It doesn't need to think about where to grow the next branch, the next leaf. That it all happens in a beautiful symmetry.

Q: It seems like some things happen by themself, like it seems like sometimes I have an option.

Who, who I?

Q: It seems like option comes. I am able to say yes or no.

Yes, but whose options are these? Options for who? That's always the root question. Because as long as there is the sense that there is a person and there is God, there is me and there is Consciousness, then this debate of freewill versus God's Will will continue. Now the best way to end this debate is to see that there is no person. So whose freewill are we talking about?

So the options that I am saying is that: Okay, thoughts are coming. Now tell me the options for who should believe this thought? One is Consciousness, what is the second option?

Q: No option.

No other option, you see. So how could it be that That which is the projector of the thought itself needs to believe a thought to run this life?

Q: Doesn't need to. Just seems it's an option now; you have a choice to have watermelon or not.

Yes, so if God wants to experience a watermelon, God will experience a watermelon; whether the thought came or not, whether belief went or not.

Q: Yes, no matter what happens after, if I am going to do it or not, they are both seen. So I was thinking that another thought is saying yes or no.

When you find that there is no individual doer, then all these questions just dissolve. Because they all rely on an identity. And doership is one of the strongest legs of the ego, in fact, maybe the strongest. Because very often, even when someone has a direct recognition of what they are, they come up and ask ‘So what should I do now?’ You see?

So you can play with this actually and see whether, in the not believing of thoughts, your life comes to a standstill, or you become very irresponsible or something like this. My feeling is neither of them will happen.

This is What You Must Inquire Into

You know what happens very often is we might feel like we're at the end of the spiritual journey (something like this), and yet it's still about ‘me’. The subtlety is still about ‘me’. And that's why I say that the seeker identity always wants to end with the ‘enlightened person identity’. And as much as we like repeating (especially in Advaita) that ‘I am no-thing, I am nothing, (whatever), it is still the ‘I’. It is still the personal ‘I’ which manages to find a way to stick around. And this is what you must inquire into.

Is this still about finding something for the identity? Is there still a hope that one day the Self that I discover will be somehow related to this identity that I have carried around?

This inquiry is very important. What is all of this for? What is this for? Is there an expectation that something must happen here? Is there still some looking for spiritual experiences? Who is all of this about? Is there a ‘you’ that wants to take a hold of this Awareness and say ‘I found the Awareness. I am very clear about the Awareness. I am very clear about the Self’? And as long as this ‘I’ is still personal, if you still lean towards this desire, this belief in the existence of an individual, then at best it is the spiritual ego and not the Self which is saying ‘I found the Awareness’.

But don't get me wrong. I don't want anyone to become like the Advaita police or something, running around telling everyone ‘Who is the I? Who are you? Who wants lunch?’ [Laughs] It's not like that. Conversationally, we can still use these words. But are we still believing ourself to be that which never existed?

If it is clear that no person exists right now; in this moment when you check for this one you find that ‘I find no person’, then how could it ever have existed…, except as an idea? Therefore it is all about the right now, you see? Because the first part is to check into the existence of (or to verify the non-existence of) this personal entity right now.

Let's really do it. And if any of you feels that you found it, then don't hide. Say ‘This is what it looks like’. Let's look at it together. Because the mind will say ‘It still feels like there is a person here’. But the feeling is not a person. The feeling is just a feeling; it's a sensation. Or you might say ‘Oh, my mind is still saying there might be a person’. But that's another thought, it is not a person. Right here, right now, no person exists.

Everyone with me? No person exists? [Checking around the room for yes nods or no's].

Q: “Right now?”

At this moment.

Q: “I can't find it.”

Yes. Yes. So it is clear at least that ‘I am not it’. If you don't know the hiding place of something, then you can definitely not be it. The person is only the identity that I have given myself. So the minute you say ‘I can't find it’…, already proves that you are not it. You see, the ‘person’ implies that ‘I am an entity’. That makes a person. Can we find this entity that I am presuming myself to be? See? So already when you say ‘I can't find it’…, you cannot be it. If you can't even find it, how can you be it?

If you can't even find it, how can you be it? And already you say ‘I can't find it’. Therefore, there must be an ‘I’ which is not it.

[Laughs]: Sometimes it is said ‘If you can't convince them, confuse them’. That's not what I'm trying to do. I'm just simply looking and saying ‘I cannot find the existence of this entity called the person. Therefore, the person cannot be what I am. Therefore, the ego or this identity is not me. And it relies only on the sense that it is me. Therefore, it doesn't exist’.

If the ego does not have the sense that it is me, then it is not the ego anymore. Ego relies on the sense that it is me. So the minute you say ‘I can't find it’ already the identity is not there.

Okay, very good. So if this one you cannot find, if this one is not here, then with it must go all concepts of personal problems, personal desires and other person-related stuff.

If the person is not there, then all that the person wants and is adverse to, (likes and dislikes, plans about life and visions and goals, regrets and fears, pride and guilt), all this must go. Because who can they belong to? All these are personal, you see?

Around one lie it is said that you are to keep a hundred lies to keep the one lie alive. You see? Around the lie of a personal existence we have reinforced this one main lie with so many other lies about what we want, what we don't want, the way my life should go or not go; all these ideas.

So, you say ‘Right now, I cannot find the person’. Therefore, at least, until we find this person, can we keep all that the person wants aside…, or not? I'm not even saying forever. At least til we find this person, can we keep all that the person wants aside? Or not?

Q: [Inaudible]

Yes. That is the next step. We'll walk together. So, at least til here, we're together. As long as we don't find this entity called ‘the person’ let's keep all that is personal aside. And what does that mean? Because you should have asked ‘How do I do this? How do I keep all that is personal aside?’

I said, very simply ‘Let's keep all that is personal aside’. I'll give you the simplest way. Right here, right now, there is no person. So how does something that is personal come up? How is it bought? Because the ‘person’ has a messenger, you see? It's the sublingual stuff that the person wants. This messenger is the mind. Without believing what the mind is saying, we cannot pick up any personal concept about yourself. It's as simple as that.

Without believing what the mind is saying, we cannot do it. Therefore, to keep all that is personal aside, all that is needed is for us not to believe our thoughts.

And then a thought itself will come and say ‘But that is too much. How can I not believe my thought? There's so many, so many. They come all the time’.

So, that's why I say ‘Okay, to keep it aside right now, just don't believe your NEXT thought’. Next, we can do?

Even if it feels like effort. Don't ‘Advaita’ this too quickly…, because very quickly it will come and say ‘Oh, he just said there's no person here; who is there to do all of this?’ I'll demystify that for you. But for now, just know that even if it feels like work, even if it feels like a choice, if it feels like effort, then make the effort to not believe your next thought.

And the thought itself will come and say ‘Easier said than done. How am I supposed to live?’ All these are thoughts! And most of you will be able to just let most of them go.

Not believing a thought does not mean that we are somehow resisting them. It only means that we are completely open, allowing them to come and go without giving them a ‘paying guest’ room. [Smiles] Don't pay them your belief.

Q: [Inaudible]

That's also a thought, or no?

Q: Yes.

Okay, so don't believe this one.

Q: [Inaudible]

Exactly. Exactly. So, in the process of disbelieving, it dissolves. Why? Because it is made up only of beliefs. Therefore, that which is made up itself of beliefs cannot be the One who has the power of belief. If the power of belief is playing out in this realm, then there cannot be the non-existent basket of beliefs which is giving belief to something. It is just a basket of beliefs, just a basket of ideas. Can a basket of ideas give belief to something? Can it go to the shopping place and add some more to the basket? No.

So, what is that? What is that?

So this is the second step.

So, first we found that no person exists. But that which gives belief must be here. If it is possible to give belief or to withdraw belief, then that which gives belief or withdraws belief must be here. We already said that ‘No person I can find’. And yet, I Am. I exist.

So this ‘I’ that exists is which One?

Who lost me? I can rewind and go slow. [No one answers]. So we seem to be together on this.

We found first that no entity called a ‘person’ is here. Second we found that that which convinces me of my personal existence is only my next thought. And we said that the way to not buy this personal idea is not to believe the next thought.

So the next question I was expecting comes from Lucia. She says “What if the belief has a strong momentum and goes out of control?”

What does this mean? It means that it feels like when the thought comes, it just has so much moment that the belief just goes [there]. So, for these kind of thoughts, (I call these the ‘trump card thoughts’), the ones that have been nourished with so much past belief that there is interest about them…, for these kind of thoughts, we must pull them into our inquiry.

Just like the popular seeker thought is ‘I'm almost free’ or ‘I'm not there yet’. When this thought comes, we can pull it into our inquiry and say:

Who is not free yet? Can we find such a one who is bound?

And I've been saying recently that we must do this with full integrity, and really look: ‘Who is the one that is not free?’ …, until it becomes a laughable idea. And once it becomes a laughable idea, then you see that belief doesn't seem to have the same kind of magnetism or momentum, and even these thoughts will come and go.

Just this… is the end of suffering. You cannot suffer without believing a thought.

And the good news is: It's never about what you believed in the past; even a second ago. It's only the next one. Because in every moment, you start fresh.

You are the Self right now.

Nothing Can Deter That Which You Already Are

Q: I suffer from mood disorder and my mind is never calm. Would this deter me from realizing my true nature?

Your true nature is here right now. Before the mood can have a disorder or change moods, or the mind can come and tell you about something, you are already here. Something can be a deterrent only if you had to get somewhere. You see? But because you are already here, you are already the Truth, nothing can deter you.

Before all of this, before the mood comes, the layer called moods, before the thoughts, before emotions, before the body, You Are. Therefore, it is your mood, your body, your thoughts, your emotions. This ‘I’ is already here, and is already true.

This is the truth which cannot be deterred. Therefore the self-inquiry can work irrespective of what the circumstances of life are, what emotional states are going on. As long as there is an urge to find the truth, then nothing can deter you from seeing what you are right now.

Because You Are It already.

I-Am-Here Needs No Concept to Just Be

Suppose you had never heard of Awareness, Consciousness, Beingness, God, I-Am-ness, Witnessing, person, ego; you didn't know any of these? Many times I feel like it would be much better for all of us. No debates about Awareness, is it true or not, what does ‘Being’ mean, have I got to it? If we didn't know any Advaita jargon, it's a big burden off. Because I see that many times these which were meant to be pointers are being collected as if they are the discovery; these terminologies, these words. And a certain sense of achievement, a false sense of self-discovery can come when we have this sense that ‘I know this now. I can talk about Awareness, I can talk about Consciousness’.

All of this, when it is manifesting in this way, from a sense of specialness, from a place of arrogance, is nothing but the spiritual ego. Sometimes on Facebook or on email I get pretend questions. ‘Pretend question’ means there's not really a question there, there's just some sort of a showing off of Advaita knowledge, you see. [Chuckles] ‘I have been contemplating the nature of Awareness and the difference between Awareness and Consciousness, and this is my conclusion about it’.

And it can be. We love contemplating these things. It's okay. But sometimes you get a sense that it is the playing with these terminologies, the playing with these words, has become primary and that the direct checking, the direct experience of what we are, (which is simpler than any of these words), that again is not happening. So we've replaced one set of ideas, personal ideas, with a new set of personal ideas about spirituality or about Advaita. When you say ‘I got it right, you got it wrong; this is the way it must be’…, all of this mental understanding can be kept aside. Not just ‘can be’ kept aside; must be kept aside. And then you will smell fresh and fragrant.

That's why I said ‘if you never heard these words’..., is it a problem?’ I feel sometimes it's better. Because then we're not speaking from these places of mental, conceptual understanding.

So this is gone; suppose all the Advaita language is gone, then we say now don't even pick up that earlier dictionary which was so personal that ‘This is how I am, this is my plan for my life, this is how the world is treating me’. If you don't pick up any of that also…, ‘What should I do?...’ we can trust only this moment; we can taste only this moment without the sense of past and future.

And many times it is just our terminology that keeps us stuck in all of these concepts. That's why I feel it was very nice in the retreat when it came up like this that ‘Suppose there was a malfunction in the mind, and it started speaking some other language’. What would happen? Would we suffer from this? No. Because even to say ‘I am suffering’ you'd need this mind. Suppose it's just speaking in a different language that you can't understand, right now, whatever it is saying, in whatever language it is, suppose that you're not understanding it. So what if it said ‘Huh?’ Can you suffer because of this? [Laughter] If you really say ‘Huh’ to everything that the mind is saying, you cannot suffer. You have to buy the conclusion, even the conclusion that ‘This is so crazy’ to suffer from that idea, you see? Without this voice of the interpreter, you cannot really find a way to suffer. Guruji also used to say that ‘After you've been in satsang for a while it becomes more and more impossible for us to suffer’. You have to work really hard; have to feed ourselves a good diet of thoughts every day to maintain our suffering.

So what would it be like if we refused to understand anything that the mind is saying? Would our life come to a stop? We'd lose our ability to make conclusions about ourselves. And most of our conclusions are very sad, actually. [Laughs] Even the conclusion that ‘I have found freedom’ is very sad. It means you were some mere mortal which was running about bound in chains…, (how could you be running about if you're bound in chains?)…, [chuckles]…, and now, you've found some freedom. Not even this conclusion we can buy.

And every moment, we are buying some sort of conclusion. Even now, it could be saying ‘Yes, yes, it makes sense. It's making so much sense’. And someone else could be saying ‘What is he talking about today? I'm just not feeling it’. Buy none of these conclusions. What is here before the conclusion?

What is here in spite of all of this? Is that changing? Why is it that we cannot truly say ‘I am not’? Not authentically; we can say it as a mental conclusion of some sort. Because there is something here that is experienced; your own Presence. This that is here, is it relying on any idea to sustain itself? Through all our stories, does it really matter to this Presence that is here? Don't be afraid to be without a story. Don't be afraid to become this nobody.

I'm not going to let you use Advaita to sustain this one that is false. Don't know even this. Anything you understood mentally, don't know it. Don't refer to the mind for any of this. The truth is inescapable; it is here right now. You are That.

You Are That pretending to be not-That; pretending to want to get to That.

Either that, or You are That, pretending to be not-That, pretending to have got That’. [Chuckles]

So You are That pretending to be not-That and pretending to want to get That.

Or You are That pretending to be not-That, and pretending to have got That. [Laughter]

[Laughs] I can't believe I made it this far…

So why can't we stop the pretending itself? Suppose we took off the pretending itself?

Every time that we try to convince anyone else that ‘I got it’ it is only an attempt to convince yourself that you got it.

And I remember this sort of feeling used to be here, wanting to try and convince people. But now I find no joy in any of that. [Silence]

It's so, so, so simple actually; just most naturally. You are here? Or not?

You are here, no?

As what are you here? As what are you here?

What are the options? Okay, let's go through…, let's make this multiple choice so it's easier.

Are you here as a person?

Can't be, because every day almost I ask you ‘Show me the person’ and you don't find; then you cannot be here as a person.

Are you here as Presence?

(I must be a scary teacher. [Chuckles] Give me an F- or something)

What else is here besides the Presence?

You say ‘I am here’. That itself describes it completely; that I Am is here. [Smiles]

Okay, we just had more Advaita jargon, and Radha is already like ‘there we go again’.

[Puts his forehead into his hand and sighs, then chuckles]

Who is here? Body is here. We can say like that. Whose body is here? Are you the body?

If you truly believed that you are just the body then you would not come here, because there's nothing for the body here. Simple. If you just believed that you are the body, then you would not be here. Because we are not here for freedom for the body. There must already be the sense that ‘I am not this that is made up of all the food and liquids that I have consumed’. Already the sense is there that I cannot just be made up of the food I've eaten. But actually if it was just that, then life would be very simple. Then no running after freedom, no running after money, no running after relationship, no running after health of the body also. But there must already be a sense that ‘I am something else other than the body’. Who is this one?

Then what do we do? We check for that one which our name refers to. Where is this Ananta? Where is he? Not body; where is this one? If the label was just a name for the body then you would never say ‘These goals and ambitions…, I want to get freedom’. So this name belongs to who, actually? Is there any evidence of the existence of this one which is called by the name?

So at least can we make a deal today where we say ‘Until we find any evidence of the existence of this entity which is being called by my name, tile I find one shred of evidence of it, til then I will not believe in the existence of it’? This much is a fair deal. What are we saying? We are saying ‘Until you find this entity, til then, don't believe in it’. Until we find the Loch Ness Monster, let's not believe in it. If one day it comes that it is there, then we'll believe it. Isn't that the scientific way, the logical way?

So if body is kept aside, this entity cannot be found, so that is kept aside, … but by keeping the entity aside, did I stop Being? Did I stop existing? Still here?

All concepts of myself have been kept aside and yet, I still remain. Yes or no? So we see that that which I Am is not a conceptual, made-up, believed-in entity. And this I Am-ness that remains needs no concept to just be.

So very safely, at least in satsang, we can keep all these concepts aside. And then it becomes a true exploration when we are looking together, instead of trying to ‘understand, understand’. It's not a classroom in that way.

We kept all concepts aside, we kept all body sensations aside, and we said ‘I still remain. I exist. I Am’.

Who's not with me? Are you with me? [Heads nod]

Now is there anything personal about this Presence? There's Being that is here. What's personal about it? Does it have a plan for the future? Is it regretting something from the past? Does it have any pride about anything? Is it attached to something? Is it avoiding anything? Or is it just Being?

Are you not just Being right now? Effortlessly?

Are you working towards Being?

Or are you just Being?

[Silence]

The entire so-called spiritual journey is encapsulated in what we have together explored today.

Coming to this discovery that Beingness is just here, and it is What I Am.

Just Being. Everything else is just a concept.

[Silence]

The best news, the best news ever, is there is nothing that can appear …, nothing you can do…, nothing that can happen that can have any effect, any impact on this Being that you most naturally are.

Nothing has ever happened to You.

Being is always just Being.

And yet it has the power to pretend, as if ‘something is happening to me’.

This is the power of belief.

[Silence]

Now which temple, which church, which mosque do I need to go to find this God which is always just here? Which sadhana, programs, kriyas, penance should I do? At best what they can do is open my eyes to That which is just Here.

[Silence]

How many steps do I need to take to come to This that I already Am?

[Silence]

How much time does it need to find the Now?

[Silence]

Am I unaware of my existence? Do I not know that I Am?

[Silence]

At what distance is this knowingness from Me?

Where am I in relation to This Knowing, This Awareness?

… which is aware even of My own existence, of My own Being?

[Silence]

Who had to tell me that I exist? That I knew it?

Is it not naturally known?

[Silence]

How do I know that I am Aware?

[Silence]

Is this Knowingness separate from the Awareness?

Are there two?

Is there a Knowingness and an Awareness?

[Silence]

Here…, what story can you have?

What can happen to You?

[Silence]

Is there some proclamation needed now… from here?

Is there a report card of failure required now?

Don't be in a rush to go back to concepts.

[Silence]

Let's meet Here, as One.

[Silence]

And any idea you pick up now is an invitation to separation.

[Silence]

Don't accept this invitation.

[Silence]

Here there is no want, there is no lack.

[Long Silence] [Blissful, loving peaceful gaze]

Can this really end?

Does it have a beginning?

[Silence]

Can any concept, any word, get close to this?

Is it possible to lose YourSelf in this play?

[Silence]

I know that the mind is calling with whatever strength it an muster.

But can it really pull You away?

[Silence]

Are you going to send the mind an invitation to this party we are having? [Smiles] Because Here, two is a crowd.

[Silence]

Are you going to represent what it is saying now as YourSelf?

What trickery! What trickery it must be. The Divine trick, the maya…, that just this measly voice can appear and You, the Supreme Lord, pretends to wear this mask, and represent YourSelf with this voice.

[Silence]

How are you going to play now?

And I'm open to all your play. Just don't expect me to believe it's real.

Because this dis-service I cannot do…,

I cannot believe that You are something other than I Am.

The real question is: What are You going to believe?

So what if the response that came from here…, the first response to all questions that came from here was: Who are You pretending to be right now?

Would that be okay? [Smiles] I feel very few questions would come up actually. [Laughs]

Sometimes I really feel that I have said all I have to say now, in this life. [Smiles] But life always surprises me.

What if the questioner introduced themselves, saying ‘Right now, I'm believing myself to be… This.’ And that in itself would be the answer actually. Are you going to present yourself as one who has still not got it? Or as one who has definitely ‘got it’. Are you going to pretend and say ‘Yes, yes, yes, I know all that you're saying is true, but I don't feel the bliss, I don't feel the joy’. But I didn't say a single thing about bliss or joy. And the worst is “I know everything you're saying, but you know, my mind…, my mind is still saying this; so what should I do now with the mind?’ You cannot fix the mind; you cannot change your mind. I cannot change your mind, I cannot purify your mind, I cannot give you a certain type of thoughts. But I do feel, if you follow what is spoken, then you will not believe these thoughts; you will not find a sense of truth in them, you will not find meaning in them.

If there's a sense of confusion, that means that there's a sense of mis-identification. You've identified yourself to be something that doesn't exist; and that is bound to be confusing. What you ultimately saying is that ‘I believe that I'm an alien, and now I must have a happy life…, I must have a happy life as an alien’. The premise itself is wrong, you see. The premise of a ‘person’ looking for a happy life itself is wrong. Actually what you're saying is that ‘I am a Martian, help me get to Earth’. So how do I unravel it for you? It's actually like this. It's very precise.

‘I'm a Martian, help me get to Earth’.

And I'm saying ‘But you ARE free’.

‘But it doesn't feel like I'm on Earth’. [Laughs] ‘My mind is telling me I'm still on Mars. What do I do then?’

I say ‘Look, Look. Look at what is here now. Don't go with the mind. Don't go with your feelings’.

‘But, you know, on Earth, I know I would feel joy’.

I'm saying ‘It's not true’.

‘What to do with this Martian mind; what to do?’

I say ‘Nothing. Forget about it’.

‘Can't you change it for me?’

I say ‘No’.

So how to help this Martian get to Earth? We can only work on the belief that you are a Martian, isn't it?

That's why in Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi]’s question: Who am I?

is ‘Am I a person?’

And then there is the looking for the truth of what I really Am.

Are we open to this question?

And I say ‘Let's look for the Martian together’.

And you say ‘I can't find’.

When we look for the person together, we can't find it.

So all that is needed is to not listen to the Martian voice.

Seems crazy, no? [Laughs] But actually it's a very fair representation of this spiritual search; helping the non-existent Martian get to Earth.

So, which voice are you going to speak? Martian?

[Laughs]

If You're Not Labeling, It's All One Appearance

Yesterday this example came up in satsang that…, what if you suddenly start believing that you're a Martian and you have to get to Earth? But you're here. You just started believing that you are in another place, Mars. You said ‘I want to get to Earth’. If you encountered such a Being, what would you tell them? What would you say?

Q: ‘You're already here’.

‘It doesn't feel like I'm here, doesn't feel like…’ Show me the Martin. Do we look like a Martian? Just show me the Martian and just check: Already, what is this place? Sounds exactly like satsang. ‘You're already here. Just check what is here already. Who are you now? Are you really a Martian?’ These are the kind of things you will see.

So, satsang is not something esoteric or mystical or abstract. Just tackling the simple wrong belief that ‘I am a person’. It's all that we do, over and over every day.

Q: “Can I say something?” [Inaudible]

It doesn't matter what feelings come because it is only the Martian mind that comes and says ‘This feeling should not be here’. All feelings are allowed. As long as we rely on the report from the mind, even about the feelings, then it will seem like I'm stuck in this identity; it will feel like you're stuck on the wrong planet. But it's only an idea. Or a set of ideas. And where do these ideas come from? Only one voice is testifying to you being an individual entity. And this is the voice of the mind. No appearance is indicating a separation. Only after we label these appearances then everything seems to be separate.

Already it is One. Many will come and say ‘I'm not able to see this Oneness’. But actually if you're not labeling, even right now, it IS all one. Just one appearance. Right here. If we don't go with the mind-stream which is saying ‘This is this one, this is table, this is a person, this is a person…’ then it's all just one appearance.

And it is so clear that I Am this Witness of all these appearances; including the appearances within this body. There is only one Witness…, which is ultimately not a Witness at all; just the Witnessing Itself.

The person is not even an appearance. Second level of delusion, you see? It doesn't even appear. That's why I say that it's very simple. Until you find the existence of this person-entity (at least ‘til then) can you not believe in it…, ‘til you find some tangible evidence of the existence of this one?

Question is already there. There's a question from Nancy [on chat]: “Will you ask Ananta”…

Q: “What are these thoughts that come up anyway?”

I call them energy constructs; basically bundles of energy which are coming up, which are appearing. Just like the rest of this appearance is just a form of energy all made up of Consciousness Itself. This particular form of energy which appears as if it is a voice; which is communicating, telling us who we are, what we should do next, and basically resisting everything which is appearing in this life; commenting about everything, objecting to most things and wanting to hold on to many things. This voice. So these are experienced as thoughts.

Then Nancy continues, she says: “Who creates them?”

There is only one Creator of all appearances, and that is Consciousness Itself. Only in the light of Consciousness do all these appearances come. In deep sleep, there is no appearance; no thought.

Then you say: “Are they there because I identify with the form, and I have the ability to attach to my feelings and create thought?”

So if you say ‘I create thought’ then this ‘I’ you must be referring to yourself as cannot be the form, it must be this Consciousness Itself. And the fictional entity called the person, which we cannot even find here, that definitely cannot create anything at all. Therefore that which is here, Consciousness, Being, God…, that is the one Creator of all things, including thoughts.

And Consciousness also has some primal powers, like the powers of attention and belief. This power of belief is Consciousness’ power to pretend, God's power to play as a person. And using the power of this belief, we identify.

That's why I say the simplest way to be free from this is not to believe your next thought. Even if belief has gone to some previous thoughts, just don't believe the next one.

Identity needs to be constantly replenished. The ego needs to be constantly reinforced…, which is reinforced through our belief.

Fear of Dissolving or Being Too Happy - How Will I Be With Clients?

Q: I was at work. I was having lunch at a restaurant and feeling very good and I began to feel very expansive, and very expansive, and very expansive, and then all of a sudden I felt, Uh-oh, I better not dissolve because I have a new client coming and I can't dissolve. You know? And then I said that I'm a psychotherapist and it would be okay if I'm just ‘The Being’ in my work [laughter]. And I wondered if you had any comments about that fear. I think that was the fear in that moment. I think I caught myself and then pulled myself back. Do you have any suggestions?

I feel that being a psychotherapist is very good actually. And especially in this sangha we have many psychotherapists. And I feel this sense of dropping of personhood is actually very helpful for you to bring this sense of peace to the clients which are coming to you. In fact, maybe we can hear from one of the psychotherapists. Shakti is also here, so maybe she can share directly from what she feels about this.

Q: Yes. How do you deal with the fear? That fear of dissolving. Because I felt myself dissolving in that wonderful peace and happiness, and then there was the fear. And so I would like to know how to deal with that, either with you or other therapists.

Shakti: Namaste.

Q: Namaste.

Shakti: What I can say is that, the fear really doesn't matter, because you're already That. The fear is just some reaction that has been trained into us from the imagining that we're separate. So we haven't lost anything when we feel that fear.

Q: That's good to know.

Shakti: It's as though Consciousness is so economical; it doesn't waste anything. So when we feel this expansion and then a contraction, it's as though it's just saying ‘Look here, look here at this place that's maybe still tight’. But we can't not be what we are. We only can be pointed to what we're imagining. And what the mind wants to do, (in my experience of this experience), is the mind wants to say that we've failed or that we've lost our chance; but it's not so. We just get to look at this place that was imagining that it could do something wrong or lose.

Q: Good. Good, that's encouraging.

Shakti: And I would say to you also that there's so much mercy in the Self. So be merciful with each other, and with ourselves.

Q: Thank you.

Shakti: Thank you.

Very beautiful, thank you. The funniest thing…, the mind actually can come and say ‘If you're just God, then you're going to make a mess of it…, (because You're just Being), and ‘you can't just be’.., the mind says. ‘You can't just be Being right now. You have to be Lucia, you see, you have to be the psychotherapist. This Being doesn't know anything about psychotherapy’. [Laughter].

You see, this is very primal actually. This is very common also. And we face this every day. The mind says that ‘If you start going to satsang, who's going to pay your bills? How will your responsibilities be managed? What is your future going to look like? You're being completely irresponsible. You're not even concerned about your patients. How can you just let them meet God? They must meet Lucia, [Laughter] because God might just say anything. He's just out of control; He's just out of control’. [Laughter].

Q: Right, right. God may be out of control.

You see, this one that doesn't exist, that we believe can be in control and can project the right image of ourselves…, see, this is the joke. ‘The One that runs this entire universe, and planets, and gravity, electricity, lights, sound, all of this…, this One cannot be a good psychotherapist. [Laughter]. This One cannot be reliable. Lucia, Lucia can do it; the non-existent one’. You see, this is the upside down, upside down thinking of the mind. [Inaudible]

Q: That's very funny [Laughter]. That's very funny. When you put it that way, it's very funny [Laughter]. Very funny...

‘I can't surrender because I don't know what God is going to do. He might make a complete mess of this’. You see? [Laughter]

Q: [Laughter] All right. God forbid I should let God do it. [Laughter]. Oh, funny, funny, funny.

[Laughter] So Consciousness actually has been playing this role, forever. It's only Consciousness which has been playing these roles. You will find that the roles can continue, if they have to; with no expectation of what must happen or not. Very funny how the mind comes, ‘not now, not now’. You see? [Laughter].

Q: Right, right. ‘Not now’.

We've been looking for freedom for our entire life, for many lifetimes. ‘You have to come just before this client is coming?’ [Laughter].

Q: [Laughter] ‘Can't we wait a couple hours?’

‘I know you waited so long to come anyway’.

Q: ‘Can't you put it off a couple hours?’ [Laughter]

‘Get a grip, get a grip’. [Laughter].

Q: Right, right. ‘Not right before I have this very difficult new client!’ [Laughter]. Oh my God…, [Laughter]…, really funny.

‘I really, really, really want freedom! I want nothing else, but to discover myself! But just, two hours later’.

Q: ‘When I'm off, when I'm not at work, when I'm off work in two hours’.

‘I can give up my life for freedom. I give up my life! Just not this one client’. You see? [Laughter].

Q: [Hysterical laughter]. This one client that no one has been able to figure out how to deal with; and they've come to me.

‘Just when this client was coming to find its savior, you had to come and save me’.

Q: Laughter therapy, yes. [Hysterical laughter].

You've got to laugh, you know. The mind just becomes a comedian. Everything it says is just funny. You know I say ‘This commentator then becomes the free comedian in our heads’.

Q: Right, right. ‘I'm down on my hands and knees praying before my Maha Guru. Give me freedom! That's all I want is freedom!’… ‘Oh wait, no wait, give me two hours’. [Laughter]. ‘No, no, wait, not now. Give me two hours, and then I'm good to go’.

Yes. ‘God will come. You know how God is, you know. Who can trust a client with God?’

Q: [Hysterical laughter]. Oh boy. What if I'm too happy for them? [Laughter].

[Laughter]. Yes. Then they'll be a psychotherapist to you then.

Q: Oh boy. What if I'm too happy for the people around me?

Yes, yes, because they want you to be a sad sack. They don't want you to be happy, or anything. Just be normal.

Q: Yeah. [Laughter]. Oh boy.

We laugh; we laugh at it like this, but this is one of the trump cards of the mind; trump cards of the mind. ‘How do I know…, how do I know that if I surrender, He will not make a big mess out of my life? Will I become a beggar on the streets, or will I just be in bed all day? My bills will go unpaid, my children will go uncared for’. One of the trump cards. And when we look at it like this, we say ‘This One that is running all of this…, this One cannot pay our bills or doesn't know how to run our life?’

So can we at least find the one who has been running it so far? Who is that? Does it exist? Or has it only been an idea? It's just been an idea, you see. That's why I say surrender is not a doing. It is not a doing, surrender. Surrender is a realization that ‘I have always been surrendered’. And then ultimately the realization is that ‘There has been no separate 'me' in the first place, only God is’.

Q: Oh, it's not a doing. Right, that's right. It's not a doing. It's a non-doing,

It's just the seeing that it's always been happening on its own. Everything in my life has happened just as a projection of Consciousness, or you can say just by the will of God. Depending on your temperament, we can say any of this; but it means the same thing. ‘I have always been surrendered’. And then to see ‘There never has been a 'me' in the first place’.

Q: Somebody else has been running the show, all this time. [Laughter]. And I thought I was running the show.

This is the biggest joke, that ‘I can run the show’. I used to say, it's like saying that ‘I can control the flow of the river, with a small twig in my hand’. This life is too immense for some idea to run it, for some belief to run it. And thank God that our life has not gone according to every plan that we've had.

Q: Yeah, thank you so much. [Laughter]. Thank you.

Realizing The Truth Doesn't Mean All Tendencies Drop Immediately

Q: So I want to ask one last question to you. This knowingness is the 'I', the bigger 'I' and the bigger 'K' [for Knowingness].

Yes.

Q: This is only for conversation's sake.

Yes.

Q: Still there is a question which pops up, that within this Knowingness; I don't know if it comes from the mind or if it comes from the general self-inquiry but there is a knowingness, only the knowingness. Where do 'I' stand in all this? Where do I stand in all this? Who am 'I' in all this?

Yes.

Q: Either this 'Who am I?' question has to actually get burnt in the Awareness or there is no further question required. But still something comes up. Who am 'I' actually in all this Awareness?

Yes, yes, yes. So I will make it simple for you. I will give you the hypothesis that You are this Awareness itself. Now you have to prove me wrong; you have to show me how this is not true. So I've just given you a submission. Now you have to validate or invalidate it based on your direct experience. I am saying that the true 'I'…, when you say 'Where am I in relation to this?’…, (it's usually my question actually, but I'm happy you ask so I'll give you the answer), that this 'I' is this Awareness or Knowingness itself. Now you take this as a submission, and you check this out.

Q: In this awareness there is no 'I'.

Yes, but you are there or not?

Q: Only if I look, if I looks into 'I' then 'I Am', otherwise there is no 'I'.

Who knows there is no 'I'?

Q: Okay, for the further language sake, I Know.

Not language sake, really who knows? You see, I'll tell you what the trouble is; I'll tell you what the trouble is.

Q: Yes.

We are too used to using 'I' for this body/mind, that now when I say that You in reality, this 'I' in reality, is Awareness itself, you say there is no 'I' here. What it means when you say there is no 'I' here? It means there is no body/mind functioning here, isn't it?

Q: No not really, not like that. You see Bhagavan Krishna says…, (I don't know, I mean this is in Hindi of course, so kindly excuse me, others, because this is in my own language)…, [Speaks a phrase in his language] [meaning] ‘There is no separation as such, there is just one, who actually is absorbed into Himself, and this absorption...,

When I say 'I' there has to be something before 'I'. I mean, whatever you call it as Presence or Awareness, when I say 'I' …, even if it is not mind and body, even if it is 'I Am', my own existence…, I am prior to existence. I am prior to existence actually, because there is no existence actually. There is just no existence. I mean, to say that there is an existence itself is a kind of expression.

Yes, yes. So that is where I was coming to next, which is that first we are so used to relating to ourselves as the body/mind. Then you say that ‘In this Awareness I find that there is no body/mind movement’. Then you say that even the sense 'I Am' at best is just an appearance within this Awareness, or we can say in front of this Awareness.

So this Awareness is untouched even by the Presence or absence of ‘I Am-ness'. You see? Now This One I say is the real 'I'. As Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said it is the 'I' from which is born the 'I-I'…, which he used to call the 'I- I' and [Nisargadatta] Maharaj used to call the 'I Am'. You see? So this 'I', as Bhagavan said, remains; which is prior even to the sense of existence. You are absolutely right, you see?

But this is your own direct knowing of this? It is not something just imagined or some concept from a scripture. You are having the direct insight of this, isn't it? It is not anyone else's, it is not the body/mind's…, it is not even belonging to Presence, not even belonging to Consciousness.

This is completely prior to personhood and prior even to 'I Am'. And this is the truest 'I'.

Because you cannot separate from this, as hard as you may try as hard as the mind might try, you cannot become anything else but this Awareness Itself.

Q: Yes, yes. That is an experience. Then where is the nothingness in this?

This Awareness is 'no-thing'. Isn't it? That's why when Guruji [Mooji] says that sometimes the mind misunderstands 'nothing' to mean that it's a negative ‘nothing’. Actually it's the 'no-thing' from which everything comes.

Q: So if I have this direct experience, then how is it that there is not so much clarity and there's still doubts and there are still questions? Why are they...

Yes, that's why it's very important. It's a little subtle so all of you must pay attention to what I'm saying.

The recognition of what I really am always happens in an instant. Every time we check, we ask the question 'Am I aware now?' This recognition of my truest nature is available to us.

But it doesn't always happen with this instantaneous recognition, that all my conditioning gets dropped away. In fact it happens very rarely like that; that in one recognition all conditioning is dropped away. What usually happens is every time there is this recognition, some part of the mis-belief in myself as a person is chopped off. When a big chunk of this is chopped away then there can be some, like, laughing and crying happening; what we usually call an awakening experience. You see it's nothing but a big chunk of the conditioning being wiped off. But for some it flows like this, big, big chunks are going. And for some, a soft, dissolving, sober seeing. And either are okay; either are okay. You see?

So although the recognition of the truth is instantaneous, we have the idea that once the truth is seen all of our prior conditioning should be dropped away. Actually all will never be dropped away. Not even for the Sages, not even for the Avatars. All is never dropped, but you find that most of it is going as we continue to come to Satsang. And that is why I say that you are free right now in reality, but you must keep coming to Satsang. And many get confused by this.

The point is that the first part is the recognition of the reality of What You Are and the second part is seemingly time bound in this play; the dropping of the conditioning. You see? So the mind tries to correlate the two things. ‘Okay, if I see the truth then why am I still …, [why is] this condition there, suffering? Why are my attachments still not going' You see, like this; which itself is adding on fresh conditioning. So this recognition is very useful to drop conditioning but with no expectation that with one short finger snap everything should go away.

Q: So how did it happen?

Also it was not finger snap, although when I sat in front of Guruji [Mooji] there was a chunk that he just took away, a big chunk of the conditioning. But then also for a period of time…, (and I must be honest and with integrity tell you that it is a continuous ongoing process which continues to this day). Nobody can tell you that I am 100% free from conditioning. Even Ram…, Ram cried when Sita was taken away. Even Jesus said on the cross 'Oh Father, why have you forsaken me?' You see, just momentarily the play of condition will always happen.

Q: I understand what you mean. [Inaudible] And I know this is a pure emotion not a conditioned emotion which comes out. So you'll be able to enjoy all Rasas, you know those nine Rasas and everything, you'll be able to…, this Maya becomes a Leela actually. But if you see Adi Shankaracharya has written what you call Nirvana Shatakam. He says totally different. He says totally different; he says he is nothing actually. Where as in the Avadhut Gita he talks positive; 'I am this'. He does not say 'Neti, Neti, Neti'. So different ones have different expressions; actually it is the same stuff.

But where is the time, Ananta? I mean the body can fall the next moment. Where is a time to actually, you know, go in a very slow process? Where is a time?

The play of conditioning is also a play that Consciousness is playing, so there is no need to worry about time because time and space are also in service to Consciousness. In a seemingly one-minute dream you can dream up an entire lifetime. So as much as space is a projection, time is also a projection. God is not worried about time.

Q: Yes, but as we believe that there is reincarnation…, I don't want to believe them, that is what they say… Mukti. Every Indian knows Mukti and they say…, I mean it's basically no rebirth. Some say Mukti is liberation from the conditioning. So as of now I'm not liberated from conditioning. I don't know what is birth and what is rebirth. Then where is Mukti for me? It is just a recognition. Where is the Mukti for me? Why is there still ‘somebody’…, you know, who wants the Mukti?

Yes, yes, yes. And even the recognition does not belong to this one who is saying 'Where is the Mukti for me?'

Q: That is not bothered at all; that is not bothered at all! It doesn't know Mukti at all.

Exactly. So if that is the recognition that That is my true nature, and this 'I' is unconcerned with Moksha, and that which arises in service to this, Consciousness…, not a blade of grass moves without the will of God. Then whose problem is also Mukti? It only belongs to Consciousness.

Q: Sorry, I did not catch that.

Yes, yes, yes. ‘I'm saying that you say that ‘The truth of what I am is unconcerned with this sort of liberation, nirvana’. You see?

Q: True.

And this Consciousness which is arising in service to this reality of what you are; not a blade of grass moves without the will of this Consciousness. You see? So rebirths and non-rebirths, the cycle of birth and deaths, all of this is all a play of Consciousness. And it will not happen without the will of this Consciousness.

And you are coming to the realization that 'I Am That I Am' and actually 'I am that which is beyond even this I Am'…, you yourself are saying; you yourself are saying. Then this one that is saying 'I want Mukti now, I want' …, the one throwing the tantrum now is neither of these. You see? It is neither of these. So let's not give too much attention to this one; let's not give too much belief to this one.

Q: Okay, because I know you know Lakshmana Swami.

Yes.

Q: And I was reading the bio and he has an adopted daughter, he still has an adopted daughter.

Yes.

Q: And the very fact that she got it was that she was saying 'Shiva' on the throne, being invited and all that stuff. Any others may not like it because they do not know the story…, and then finally she surrendered to the Guru's feet and then Bhagavan Lakshmana Swami said that either she would have been born as a Goddess if she had gone on with Shiva, or this 'I', this 'I' would have got the rebirth. So this rebirth is actually of the 'I'. I am not debating it because it is coming from a realized master. So what needs to be reborn is basically the 'I' which goes from the one birth to the second birth. Now this 'I' is a small 'i' I suppose? That is a conditioned 'I'? Is that so?

The true 'I' is the unborn; it is neither born nor dying. The 'I Am' is coming and going and every coming and going actually you can call a rebirth. You see, you can call every day also a rebirth. How do you know you were in this body/mind, playing as this body/mind, anytime previous to this? Even in the dream we have a memory of yesterday, you see? Let's not worry too much about these concepts.

Rebirth is just the Presence of the 'I Am-ness' …, and the absence of the 'I Am-ness' …, and the Presence of the 'I Am-ness' again. So we die and we are born again every time this 'I Am' is dissolving or coming back. So this appearance and disappearance of 'I Am-ness' must be birth and death actually.

But the real ‘I' is unborn, undying.

Small ‘k’ for Conceptual knowing, Large ‘K’ For Knowing Itself, Awareness

Q: “When I say ‘I Am That’…, I neither find ‘I’ nor I find ‘That’. So, is it only an expression, the way of expressing; I Am That? Because there is neither That nor I. There is nothing.”

Let's look at this together. This is a beautiful contemplation. So, like I like to say, the sense ‘I Am’ is a two-way portal, is a door which goes both ways. And we have been used to using it in the outward way. We have been attaching ideas to this ‘I Am’…, ‘I am this way, I am that way, I am good, I am bad, I am honest, I am lying’.

We explored how using our power of belief, we attach false attributes to this I-Am-ness. Now what is happening in satsang is these attributes are being dropped away or dropped off or dissolving and just this sense is ‘Am-ness’, ‘I Am-ness’ remains; Beingness.

But like I said, we can also look at:

Who is the ‘I’ that is Being?

Who is the ‘I’ that is ‘Am’?

Whose Presence, whose Being is this I Am?’

And we also know that ‘Am’ goes away. ‘Am’ goes away. In deep sleep, there is no ‘Am’, there is just ‘I’. Now some would say there is no ‘I’ also, and we would say ‘I know there is no ‘I’ in sleep state, and I can talk to you about it for a long time’.

But this ‘I’ that knows there is no ‘I’, this Knowingness Itself, IS the ‘I’. You see?

So that which is knows there is nothing; there is no ‘I’…, there is no ‘That’ and there is no ‘I’, there is a Knowingness of this, isn't it? It is not just a mental concept. It is not just a belief. There is a Seeing, there is a Knowing, there is an Awareness that there is no ‘I’ and there is no ‘That’. And this You know. Therefore, there must be Knowingness.

Why this is a bit confusing is because for most other things, we have a phenomenal manifestation of that to be able to say ‘Yes, this table is there, I see the table; this glass is there, I see the glass’. But for this ‘I’ that is ‘That’ you cannot see it in this way, phenomenally. Yet you know the existence, that ‘I exist’…. ‘I’. Even if you say that ‘I know there is no I’… already there is an ‘I’…, the Knowingness.

Q: [Calling Ananta Bhagavan] “Bhagavan, this knowingness is again a phenomenon. Because the Absolute…, if I close my eyes, there is no need to know either, and there is no knower, there is no knowing.”

So, that's why I say, (I don't know whether you heard me say this before but…), there is a knowing…, the knowing which is a small ‘k’. ‘I know this, I know that, I don't know anything’. That kind of knowing with a small ‘k’ is a conceptual knowing. So when you say you don't need to know anything, or ‘When I close my eyes, there's no need to know anything’ that means there is no concept of anything at all. You see, there's no conceptual knowing.

But Who knows that there is no ‘knowing’? So, there is a deeper Knowing, which I call the capital ‘K’. There's an Awareness that there is no conceptual knowing.

There's an Awareness that there is no phenomenal perceiving; that not even ‘I Am’ is there. Sometimes we can say, like ‘I went to such a meditative state where not even the ‘I Am’ was there. So if ‘I Am’ is not there, no phenomena.

Forget about the mental knowing, conceptual knowing; any of that. But there's Awareness that ‘I Am’ also wasn't there, isn't it? That is why you're saying it. It is not something that you're just imagining. It was your direct experience…, that even ‘I Am’ is not there. You see?

So, this Knowing that we speak about is not this conceptual or phenomenal knowing. It is this Awareness Itself which knows the presence or the absence of the mind, of the concepts.

Masterful Contemplation:

Inquire to See That the Ego Has No Existence

I read something really beautiful today, which I posted on Facebook also, where Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said ‘There is no ego’. It seems like the most obvious thing. It's what we speak about every day. So if there is no ego, then …? Is there something to get rid of, something to overcome, something to even transcend? So…, there is no ego.

And also he said that ‘And every time we inquire and look for it, we find that it doesn't exist’. Am I the only one who feels like it's enormous? [what Bhagavan is saying?] Because if there is no ego, then … ? [Laughs] … what are we doing?

So, in actuality there is no ego, in reality there is no person. That's why, in the same breath, he says ‘When we inquire…’ What is the need to inquire then? If there is no person, and in actuality, reality there is no ego, then why would you also say ‘Let's inquire and see’? Because although there is no ego, there is no person in reality, in actuality, yet we have this way of believing it to be there, of believing in one that doesn't exist.

Now, the greatest discovery, in no uncertain terms, is that there is no ego. Are we still going to believe the voice that says ‘But maybe…, but what about this?..., and what about my feelings?..., and what about my entire spiritual journey?’ …. But also it's been a joyous play actually.

So are you going to go with Bhagavan's words and check into the reality of what he's saying? Or are you still going to buy something which the mind is telling you? That is the only seeming choice right now. The only seeming choice, if there is one, is this one. Are we going to inquire and look?

Understand actually what is the meaning of ‘Who am I?’ Is it a question, Who am I? Is it just a question? No. It is an imploration just to look, to inquire. So it is the looking ‘Who am I?’ not the questioning ‘Who am I?’ that is important.

You know the meaning, when I say like this? I mean that when it's just a question, then it's responded to with an answer. But when it's a looking for ‘Who am I?’ then it is not just settling for a mental answer. It is actually looking: Who am I… right now?

Bhagavan said when we look into this, when we find there are not two of us here, we find that there never has been an ego. Only the Self is here. Beautiful, isn't it? Because if only the Self is here, then where do we need to go looking for it? Nowhere. Just here.

And when we LOOK, what do we find? If we have no expectation about what we are supposed to find; let's keep all expectation [aside] about what is supposed to be the Self, and let's look at what is actually here.

And that which is here …, is You. That which is aware of the mind and aware of no-mind, aware of thoughts and the space between thoughts.

Do You go away? A thought comes, a thought goes. The next thought comes, the next thought goes. In between these two, are you still there? Or no? Or do you also go with the thought? Then if you're still there…, actually look. [Silence]

Is there any change of this One, with the coming and going; whether thought is there or not there?

Which part of You also went away with the thought? Is there any part? [Silence]

Are you not effortlessly here as the Witnessing of these? [Silence]

And in all of this, we see that in the outer world, we see that there are these voices, words, which are heard, there are visuals which are coming and going…, do You go away? …, when a visual goes away…, or a sound goes away…, or a sensation goes away? [Silence]

Are You not still here in the coming and going of these appearances?

Then let's go further in. Thoughts can come and thoughts can go. With the coming and going of these thoughts, do You also come and go? Or You are just Here? [Silence]

Who is Here in the space between your thoughts? [Silence]

That which witnesses the coming of thought and the going of thought, That is still here even when the thought is gone. [Silence]

You are not resisting any thoughts. You are unaffected, untouched. [Silence]

Let's go even deeper in.

[Noticing]… of sensations. Who is witnessing them? And is that which is witnessing them coming and going along with them? Or is it just Here? [Silence]

Bring your attention to any of these sensations; any sensation in the body, or any emotion or any pain that you're experiencing.

Are You aware of it, or is it aware of You?

And this You that is aware of it…, is something happening to It? [Silence]

See now if you can bring your attention to your own sense of Being, sense of existing, this sense that ‘I am’. [Silence]

Observe how Being is just being. It is not being as something. It just Is. [Silence]

There is nothing that this Being wants. And there is nothing that this Being is resisting. [Silence]

Just Here. Always present. [Silence]

See now if you can bring your attention completely back to the Witnessing Itself, to That which is aware even of Presence. [Silence]

What is Here? Is there an up or down? Is there a right or wrong? Is there any time or space? [Silence]

Can this be found or lost? Can it come and go? [Silence]

Try to separate yourself from This One. Not just in your imagination, not just as a visual; but actually create some distance between yourself and This. [Silence]

Do you have a color or shape or size here? [Silence]

Now allow your attention to go to your Presence…, and notice how, although attention has gone to this place of Presence, You have not left your true position.., [Silence] …, only attention is now moving about. [Silence]

And now allow your attention to go wherever it likes. Leave it completely free. [Silence]

And notice that even though your attention is now completely left free to go wherever it likes, You are still the Awareness that is aware even of the movement of attention. [Silence]

You don't have to hold on to this place. In fact, You can never leave it.

[Silence]

Just this simple Seeing is Your Self-recognition.

[Silence]

It is Your realization that ‘I Am the Self’.

[Silence]

And notice how, as we cross this realm of appearances, we didn't come across something called ‘the ego’.

We didn't encounter this person. It has no existence. Not even in our imagination.

Guidance on Difficulty with Inquiry

Q: There is overwhelming dullness, losing interest in worldly things. When I ask the question 'Who is experiencing dullness?' the answer is 'Me'.

So, the answer I get. But we are not interested in the answer like this. You see this is like saying 'What is the capital of India?... New Delhi'. You see, that's not really an inquiry, that is just a mental questioning. So we're not really interested in the mental questioner/answer like this.

When the answer comes as a thought which is saying 'Me' then we must look at it and say 'Who is this thought arising for?' Who is witnessing this thought? What does this one look like? Is this one effected by the dull-dullness? You see? So use even this answer coming as 'Me' and say 'Who me?' Where is this me? What does this one look like? See?

Don't let the mind derail you with these simple cookies, you see. Whatever it is saying in response to the inquiry let it say, and you use it for the inquiry and say 'Who is this thought appearing to?' Sometimes it can feel like energetically something is being obstructed, or emotionally something is being obstructed; use even that to ask 'Who is suffering from this?' Is there a sufferer? Nothing can really get in the way of your inquiry. Just simply like this, if the mind is saying 'Me, of course me, what do you mean who? Me!' you know it says these kind of things, just look and say 'Who is looking at these thoughts?' and the mind say 'This is useless, you've done it so long, you don't find the answer'. Who is looking at these thoughts?

This is what I mean by openness. If there is openness for these words here, more than there is openness for the words from your mind, then definitely it cannot be a long journey. Just a simple checking about who you are. But if you're more open, or as open, to the words of the mind as you are to the words of Satsang then we can have a very long walk together.

Q2: Father when I do self-inquiry these thoughts which I have picked up earlier keep coming up. I get an immediate answer that I am 'The Self.' I'm not able to go further.

Yes. Same like this. So thought itself will try to have the answer for you 'You are The Self, I am The Self''. So who is witnessing this thought? Who are these thoughts appearing to? What does this one look like? Does this one want freedom? Is it resisting any experience in life? Is it concerned about any appearance? If you find that the answer to all of these is no; and you have checked that ‘I am That, I am This’ ..., after checking, (not just a mental inference), then it is the recognition of your True Self. And this recognition is available now.

But remember that in spite of the recognition it doesn't mean is the end of all conditioning, only in very rare cases; in fact not really in any case because it is said even about Bhagavan, who although he had this clear recognition where he felt like he's dying and he wanted to be there to experience his death, but even after that clear recognition he went into silence for 10 years? How many years? For about 12 years, you see. So this being in silence and not immediately sharing from this recognition is very beautiful because it helps you dissolve the rest of the conditioning which can be there. So this assimilation is very useful.

The Mind Will Not Give You a Certificate of Freedom

There is no greater venture, or adventure, than the realization of the Self. We don't actually have to wait for anything to happen. The sense can be that ‘I want to be done with this’. But in this also…, that ‘I want it to be done, I want it now’ we are adding some conditioning to ourself. The conditioning of the ‘I’ that even wants freedom, this we don't need. Because right now, if I was to ask any of you ‘Show me some bondage in this moment, now, now, now’ …, before I give you a chance to think about it, you cannot find. Only if I give you a chance to think about it and go to your beliefs about yourself, then you can give me some seeming causes of bondage. But prior to any of that You are inherently free. No one can take your freedom away. So that which we have been looking for has always been here prior to the looking. This recognition of the Self is always available here.

So if this recognition is available in this instant, and all that is left really is getting rid of prior conditioning, then there is nothing that the ‘I’ can do. The ‘I’ conditioning, which is the ‘I’ itself, tries to play the role of ‘Now I'm going to help get rid of the conditionings’. Many stories we buy from this ‘I’ is actually adding to fresh conditioning.

So, now, let's recap: Now, You are free. Before I let you think about it, You are free. You cannot pretend to be bound unless you start thinking about it, start believing your thoughts about it. That's why I've started saying ‘Now. Now. Now. Now. Now’. Because this ‘Now’ is just now. And Now, You are free. And in this instant, you have this recognition that That which is Here cannot be bound actually.

And yet I say ‘Keep coming to satsang’ because I know that the instant recognition that is available right now doesn't automatically imply that all prior conditioning is gone. But again, there is nothing that ‘you’ can do about it. If there's a feeling that ‘I must do something about it’ then simply…, like yesterday we were saying, ‘What can we do about it?’

We said that ‘I have given you the simple pointing: Don't believe your next thought’. Sometimes it doesn't seem so simple; I'm aware of this. [Laughs] If that doesn't seem to work, then there's option two, which is: Just inquire into who you are. ‘Who am I really?’ If that doesn't work, then just keep coming to satsang. In coming to satsang, all this prior conditioning will get wiped away.

When you say ‘Even satsang is not happening. I'm not enjoying, I'm not feeling like being with you’…, some mental stuff is coming like that, then you can take some meditation practice. If none of the prior apply…, only then. So you say, ‘Okay, but I don't have the capacity, the inclination. Been there, done that. It's not helping me. What should I do then?’ I say ‘You chant some mantra. Take your favorite form of The Formless One and invoke It on chanting a mantra’. If you say, ‘Not even that. I can't even do that’. Then I say ‘Okay, move your limbs about a little bit’…, [Laughs] …, ‘do some hatha yoga’. If you say ‘Not even that’. I say ‘Okay, even if that is not happening, then just pray, hand it over to God’. You see, it's full duality in doership, but still pray. If even prayer is not happening like this…, then go to sleep. [Laughs] And yesterday when I said this, someone said ‘What if someone has a sleep disorder?’ [Laughs] I said ‘I've never experienced it, and I only speak from my experience so I can't help you with that. For that, you need to go to a sleep expert’.

But I don't feel that it is going from harder to simpler. It actually feels like we're adding more and more complexity. So just to…, in this effortlessness, right now, not buy what the mind is saying next. It's the simplest thing. It is the buying which is effort.

Let's try as if the mission was the opposite. Everyone..., when we come to satsang, we talk about how to get rid of the suffering, isn't it? How to be rid of misery. So today, what if we try the opposite. Let's try to become fully miserable…, [Laughs] …to become fully miserable. How will you achieve it? Can you achieve it without a thought? In your natural state, can you become miserable? Can you suffer really? You will find ‘No’. You need the help of this mind.

So some of you here have not heard my ATM example. It's my all-time favorite. So, we want misery. So we go to this ‘Any-Time Misery’ machine, called the ATM, which is the mind. So how do we access this Any-Time Misery? First we must put our attention toward what the mind is saying. And the mind will come with some thought…, ‘I'm not free yet’ for example, or ‘I don't deserve to be free. I've not been in so many satsangs’. You see? Some thought attention has gone to. It seems like it is real, the thought. But if the thought was ‘I've turned into an alligator’…, you will not believe this, you see; although attention went to it. ‘I'm now a pink elephant’. So, the thought came like that. Attention went to it.

So the ‘Attention To Mind’ (ATM) card you have put in, the ATM card. But it also needs your PIN number, your Personal Identification, to say that this is true; to say that this is meaningful or this is relevant. And only after we put the Attention To Mind (ATM) card in, and the Personal Identification (PIN) belief in, can we get some misery from the mind.

But if you keep doing this, and then saying ‘I want to be free from misery’ then it doesn't work, you see? Because you are accessing the ATM; taking out misery with your attention and belief. And at the same time believing this thought that ‘I really want to be free from misery’.

You ARE free right now. [Silence] Unless you think about it.

But also what happens is, I say ‘You are free right now’ and I can see sometimes that your attention is going to the mind saying ‘Is this true?’ The mind will not give you a certificate of freedom. ‘No, no, no. Maybe he doesn't know what he's talking about. Maybe he's from some other planet or something; not here’. [Laughs] The mind will say these kind of things.

So, who do you want to listen to? Do you want to listen to what is being shared here, or do you want to listen to what the mind is saying? Because both ways are pure trouble actually. It's just that they elongate this seeming spiritual journey. So, I'm saying ‘Okay. You're stuck here, no?’ Whether you like it or not, for some time you're stuck in this room now. So at least for this time, can we just say that ‘For this time, I will just hear this one that is speaking from here, and not believe anything that the mind is saying?’ What can we lose? We can't mess up our whole life because we listened to this for a few minutes.

This is openness in satsang. Because otherwise we're having this three-sided conversation. I'm speaking, you're listening, you're giving it to the mind, the mind is saying whatever…, and we're listening to the mind. This three-sided conversation does not work. In fact it is more trouble.

What am I saying? I am saying ‘You are free now’. And you check: You find this to be true. If you check in every moment, you find this to be true.

But the mind says ‘But my feeling is still…, my feeling…, my feeling’. You see, the mind itself is saying ‘Oh, my thoughts are still distracting …, distracting’.

Nothing is happening to You, that which Witnesses these feelings and thoughts.

Is someone else witnessing these feelings and thoughts for you?

Are You not directly the Witness of all of this?

Whatever is appearing in your outside world and your seeming inside world, are You not the Witness?

What is happening to this Witness? Can something that is seen, can anything that is seen, touch this Witness? And is the Witness really interested in the life of whatever your supposed-name is? Or just Witnessing…, without any real concern?

It is just Witnessing without any real concern for what is appearing. It's just that we have invested too much in the idea that ‘This is my life. This is my story’. Because we've invested too much in this idea. And I'm saying there is no return on this investment. That's why your mind will fight this. There is no return on this investment of yourself as an ego. There is no need to pick up any thoughts about your individual existence. In fact, it is only asking for trouble. It's only an invitation to play more; personally. Even the seeker identity, you are not. The one that wants freedom; you are not that.

Just Right Now: what is Here?

And who witnesses it?

Who are you, right in this moment?

Before you can even remember your own name, Who are you?

Are you not this unchanging, unmoving witness?

Do you have to become the witness?

Or are you naturally Here as That?

Do you have to even stay as That?

Can you leave This?

Everything That is Moving is Within the Silence

No matter what's happening in the appearance right now, the truth is unshaken.

It could be the most beautiful appearance or it could be the most horrendous. The mind could be saying ‘This is the best. I just want this!’ or the mind could be saying ‘But this is the worst!’

And yet, the truth of what we are, in either of these, is unshaken.

Even when there is a strong sense that ‘This is happening to me’ or ‘How could this be happening to me?’ Even when this belief is there, this sense is there, actually in reality nothing ever happened to us.

We can say that this quiet place is within us. We can speak like that.

But actually it is the moving place which is within the quiet place, you see, which is within us.

Everything that is moving is within the silence.

What is this Knowingness?

Q: Ananta ji, please repeat about the knowingness, which the other gentleman was speaking to you about.

Just look fresh. Whatever is being perceived right now, either what I call these external objects through the senses, or internal objects perceived internally. You are aware of this perceiving, isn't it?

So this perceiving of phenomena is what I call the phenomenal perceiving. And that which knows of this is the Knowingness or the Awareness itself. That which knows that phenomenal perceiving/ perception is happening and also knows when it is not happening, this Knowingness is ever present, you see. Prior even to Presence, it is present.

It's the simplest thing to know really but it is impossible to understand. If you try to make a concept out of it, then you cannot fathom it. When you remove all layers and keep them aside, this ‘I’ that cannot be removed is this Awareness Itself. Whether perceiving is happening or not happening, there is a Knowing of it.

This is the truest ‘I’ and then this ‘I’ then modulates into many different senses. It can become the sense ‘I Am’, the Presence ‘I Am’. The Beingness is born within the ‘I’ itself as ‘Am’, as Beingness; then becomes the ‘I Am’…, that which we call the waking state or the dream state. And this ‘I Am-ness’ is what we call Consciousness.

Now this ‘I Am’ has the ability to attach ideas to itself, ability to pretend to attach ideas to itself. So it can say ‘I am good, I am bad, I am honest, I am dishonest’…, which are just ideas actually. And yet with the power of belief, we can play as if we are all of this. Then when we are playing as individualized Consciousness, ‘I am a person’ Consciousness, the jivatma, then there is potential for all of this suffering in the play. Because suffering is personal, you see.

So this ‘I’ is then playing as ‘I Am-ness’, and ‘I Am-ness’ is playing as ‘a person’. This is all that the game is about.

Life is Just Happening as Life

We cannot become closed to life without believing something about ourself. And the true.., if there is a sign of freedom, then it must be this openness. If we find ourselves becoming too closed, rigid, it can't really be freedom. And this is not necessarily about the outward expression. It's more in the sense of this inner constriction or inner ideas about how life should be, and how people should be; then we start believing these things. These are dependent of a sense of a separate me. We cannot be open and suffer at the same time. The mind can say ‘But I'm open, and I'm suffering’. [Laughs] That was a reaction.

And even when it feels like that, (I know there's this sense that can come that ‘It feels like that’), then we must be open to this sense of suffering also. If you're not open to that…, we say ‘Okay, suffering should not come. Everything else can come but suffering should not come’…, then suffering will come. And it's wonderful if it comes so fast, and you can make a linkage between it. Our trouble in life sometimes is that our prayers are answered with some time lapse, you see? Or the suffering because of our beliefs doesn't come instantly sometimes after picking up the belief. So we're not able to make a straight-forward correlation. But if it's just instant…, you see, the minute you believe something, that suffering (which is bound to come because of that belief), if it came right then, then you would never pick up a belief again, isn't it? The instant I believed myself to be a person; whack! [Laughs] The slightest belief in something, some attachment; whack! Then how fast would we drop this power of believing, this power of pretending? Very fast!

I take an example. We were in Delhi two years ago, (isn't it? Maybe last year), and we were walking the roads and there was this 10 rupee note, 15 rupee note on the floor, and people were bending down to pick it up; and there were people who had tied it to a string and they were pulling. And it was April Fool's day so people were having fun fooling people like this. [Chuckles] But this is what the mind does. It gives us this note and says ‘Here it is, come on. Right here. It's available to you’. You see? And you go for it. But the whack is not instant, necessarily. So you pick it up and say ‘Yeah, this could actually work. This could actually work. I could actually become a person who has this attribute or quality’ or something, this attachment. But anything that is personal is bound to lead to some suffering eventually. And we've seen this. In the past, we are easily able to say [this].

But we are not so easily making this conclusion about our entire life. Because the mind comes up with a fresh 5 dollar bill and something says ‘Maybe this one is not tied to a string. Maybe he's not fooling me this time’. And we go for it with our belief. And what happens? Again…, [same]. Anything personal does lead to this. It is inevitable. It's just that the play-in-time seems to take some time for our attachments to cause us some pain. And that is what gives juice to this play. Because if it was just to happen like that April Fool's day trick, after 3 or 4 notes maybe we don't bend for the 5th one, 6th one. ‘This is what's going on. I'm not falling for it. Even if I lose 100 rupees, 200 rupees’. You see? Because you know it is ‘strings attached’. Attachment; strings attached, always.

There is nothing that you need from the mind. You don't need any of the plans, you don't need any ideas, you don't need anything that will help you run your life. Life is already running. Life is happening. The mind is just sitting and making up ideas about it, trying to subtitle life at a very fast rate. And it's become very good at this.

One of the days [at Mooji Rishikesh satsang] I was doing Hindi translation in the room at the back. And I realized this ‘real time’ translation is a very zen exercise. Because you have no time! Imagine if you had to translate in Hindi or whatever language you had to translate, right now I'm speaking, speaking, speaking and you have to right then… [translate and repeat it]. So if you just let go and let it happen like that, it flows a lot more naturally. But if you sit and say ‘I'm going to do it like this now, you see, he said this, what should I translate to?’ then it's …

So that intelligence which can do it in ‘real time’ is the one that is running this life. How is it that when we keep the mind out of it, for this which seems like such a mind-y activity…, we need to refer to our vocabulary, we need to refer to so many things; even then when you just let it flow spontaneously, it's so free, it's so natural. And even if some words don't come properly, there's great spontaneity in that, and there's no guilt that is arising. It's just moving.

So, life is moving in real time. It's the mind which is trying to do the translation, the subtitling. And if we're living with that interpretation of what life is like, then it's like leading a second-hand life. ‘Second-hand’…, the mind's version of what my life is, is called suffering. Pretending to lead the mind's version of what my life is, is called suffering. (I like this definition actually; just came for the first time today. It's good.)

Just like this, we see that life is just what it is. In this moment, there's so much joy. Even if you were to just explore it objectively, you'll find ‘Look at this!’ We're in a room in the middle of Bangalore somewhere and there are Beings from all over the world who have come like this, and we just met somewhere, some time, and some connection happened, and then we're here and we're in satsang. You see, like this. So beautiful, isn't it, that this is even happening like this. Just like this; there's so much wonder, even like this to contemplate. But it's even more wonderful when even these ideas are dropped. Just…, in the Now. Just…, wow. See, this body is still here. Without even these ideas that ‘This body of Ananta is still here’ [makes face of wonder]…, this voice is like this, it sounds like this. There's so much to enjoy in this realm in every moment. Even when tears are coming. There's something that enjoys even this; like the taste, different taste, contrast.

So there is nothing in this realm which Consciousness is not enjoying. [Chuckles] Just like going to different types of movies, you see? I love super-hero movies, you know. But can I watch one every day? No. [Looks contemplative] Probably…[Laughs]… [Looks contemplatively for a moment] Can I watch one every moment of the day? No. [Laughs] If I was only watching super-hero all the time, then I would maybe say ‘Give me a nice comedy’. This is what happens. Like this, every contrast is enjoyed. But if you go with the mind's version, it's always saying ‘But you're making your life a mess’ or it's saying ‘You're doing such a great job. You're too good, you're too good’. So either pride or guilt. Either pride or false humility. Either we're feeling too good, too good or too bad, too bad.

This neutrality which comes with just this sense of wonder goes missing when we follow the mind's version of what life is. Because everything, even now, it can be sitting and picking and choosing. ‘Yeah, this one. Yeah. He's being very funny today. This is good, good’. Something else. You see this; you can notice even in satsang how it tries to be your friend and help you with what is happening in satsang. We don't need its help. In fact, it is only confusing you.

Very often, I'm saying ‘A,B,C…, A,B,C’ and the mind is saying ‘X,Y,Z…, X,Y,Z’. That's why it happens so many times that someone comes and says ‘You said this in satsang yesterday’. And I have two types of trouble with that. One is that I hardly remember what is said in satsang. And the second thing is, what they're saying, it feels like it never left these lips; it doesn't feel like it's come from here. Many times it hadn't been spoken like that. Why do we remember something, seemingly that this mouth had said, but that never left this mouth? Because we are also listening to what our mind is saying about that; saying ‘This is good. Let's keep this’…, or saying ‘This one, No’. It's trying to participate even now. And this is what I mean by ‘Second-hand life’.

Life is just happening as Life, but we're buying the interpretation from the mind about life. Because if we were not buying this interpretation, nobody could ever say ‘My life is so messed up’. Nobody can ever say ‘My life is messed up’ or ‘My life is terrible’. Because just to have life is such joy, is great wonder. Just to have this body which is such a beautiful instrument; it's breathing, it's digesting, the blood is flowing. How many mechanisms are happening in this body to just have this gift of this body present? Even if it's ill. It's amazing. No life is such a terrible life unless we're going with this mind interpretation.

Just we exist. I Exist. Isn't that such a wonder?

I wonder if you're with me in this? Just that this sense of existence is here; just this is enough. Do we need anything more than this? I Exist. Consciousness is here. God is present. What else can we need? And who is there to need?

In this moment right now, God is Here. It is You. Now what complaint can You have?

This is the leela, you see? And most of us in satsang have also seen this. I Am. This is Consciousness. In the light of this ‘I Am’ all this is happening. God is Here. And yet I can go with this measly thought which says ‘My life is not good. What should I do with my life? What's going to happen to my life?’ Who??? It doesn't exist. It's God's Life. This entire manifest creation is God's body. And God is running it.

Now complain from this place…, [Laughs] …, about anything at all. You cannot, unless you've again been listening to this voice as well as your mind's voice, or only the mind's voice, even while this has been happening. You cannot do it. And it's good to check like this: What am I listening to? Even in satsang, what am I listening to? … ‘God is Here. It's God's Life. Nobody else is here. I know this. So…, what should I do next?’ [Chuckles] These kind of questions come still, like that pesky mosquito that just doesn't go away.

Since I was a kid actually mosquitos have been very attracted to me. So I could be sleeping with my brother, you know, while growing up and everybody else is fine. I'd get up the next day with big mosquito bites. So, I had a relationship with mosquitos. And I realized that some days, no matter what you do…, you put repellant, you put the fan on full, you keep the AC temperature completely low, you do all the things possible; and there will always be these one or two mosquitos that will keep buzzing in your ear. They just don't go. And in the end, you just have to accept them and say ‘Okay, tonight is going to be like this’. [Chuckles] (I can't believe I'm saying all this in satsang.)

It just comes to ‘Okay, this pesky guy, he keeps saying something or the other, but this is how this life is going to be’. And in that acceptance then actually, automatically our attention moves away from ‘the mosquito’. It's when we don't want it to be there, then we're constantly ‘Is it there? Is it there?’ So even the time when it is not there, we're still troubled by it. You notice this? That when we want it to go away, then even the times when it is not there, we are troubled by it.

This is a very important point about the mind. Because many of us now, having been in satsang, want the mind to go away. So in the space and the time between the thought, we're like ‘I hope it doesn't come back’. A sense of concern can be there. So it has got you even when it is not there, with a sense of fear about it. The mosquito has you even when it is not there when you want the mosquito to go away.

[Laughs]. Is this example making any sense? The mosquito satsang. [Laughs] We're here to hear the pristine words of nectarine knowledge, and we're hearing about mosquitos and repellant.

It's good to see like this, you know? That if we come to this state that ‘I just want the mind to go away’ then we're living in this constant fear that ‘I hope it doesn't come’. Isn't it? But if we just accept ‘Yes, this voice will say something or the other, but it doesn't really matter. It's bitten me wherever it could now. It's done. There's nowhere else left to bite’. Our mind has done this to us. Or it will do. Whatever attachments we still hold on to will be burnt. This is the functioning of Life. So you'll see that there's nothing to be concerned about it. And in this acceptance, you'll find that your attention is not so much getting taken up by the mind; not taken up by worry and guilt.

Be open, just open. And Life is constantly trying to open you up; constantly. And if you're not open to this opening then it feels like ‘My life is so terrible’. And if you become open to everything, then we can say only ‘Life is so wonderful’. It becomes like that.

So, right now we can audit and see ‘What is it that we are resisting?’

And all of us have some mental boundaries about what should or should not happen in life. And these boundaries, Life is constantly expanding. Sometimes we don't even know we have these boundaries and ideas, and Life shows us in a mirror. ‘You see, this was still here’. Gone. Whack! You see? And as long as we are open to this whacking.., because in satsang, this whacking is our prayer. And many times we make the prayer, and when it happens, we're like ‘Why…? How…? Why would this happen to me?’ It is also an answered prayer.

Everything is allowing you to let go of all concepts; even the holiest concepts. Letting go, and coming to unassociated Presence. Even those concepts which seemingly were in service to us, we realize that they never could be; it was just another concept. Better to make a list of all our sacred and holy concepts, and burn them now. Because no concept is true. And Life shows us. So this openness to allow everything to be burnt … [silence] …

So if you're holding on to some idea of who we are in a clenched fist, with nothing inside, no idea of who we are, Life is constantly trying to open it up. So, the harder we resist this opening, the stronger the pain will be, the stronger the suffering will be.

Very often when you hear this, it can feel like I want you to become passive. Just passive; just this opening means you just sit and let it happen to you, let life…, let everybody come abuse you, say whatever. This is what the mind is painting, this picture for you sometimes. But this is not what I'm saying.

We're open to even that which is flowing from this [our] body; the action or the inaction which is flowing from here, there is openness and acceptance of that. And that is when you realize that there is nobody who is doing anything at all. All of this is just Life moving.

There's no Ananta which is moving this hand. There's no Ananta which is speaking these words. There is no doer in that individual way. There is no experiencer also in that individual way.

So all of this is a play of light and sound, time and space, which Consciousness Itself is doing for its own experiencing. And that Consciousness is Here. It sounds to me like a great cause of celebration actually. But if you're not celebrating, at least can we be neutral about it?

What is it really that we are suffering from? What is it that makes life so terrible? If life has given us the space to be in this satsang right now, what a wonderful life it is…, for us to be together in one sangha in the energetic field of satsang. This is so wonderful.

And this doesn't mean that I'm advocating some sort of behavior which is always like ‘Oh, I'm so happy!!!’ …, not like that, in that forced way. Just in that openness, automatically this sense of joy and wonder can come. You don't have to force anything, that ‘Oh, I heard today that God is Here so I must always smile’ or something. Not like that. Just to see this to be true and naturally let Life unfold how it wants to, is enough. So just openness like this to whatever Life brings. And especially when it is in contradiction with any idea I have about myself.

Looking into this Feeling of Awareness Being in The Body

Actually maybe we can look at this question together also. Because I feel there's something very simple; a very simple way to explore this idea that 'I am the body'. So don't try to deny the idea firstly. Don't try to say 'I'm not the body'. Say 'Okay it feels like I'm the body, so okay..., I'm the body'. Now what do you want? If you're just the body, what do you want?

Q: Just to be very honest, it's just the same question. Something doesn't want to accept that right now, that ‘I am the body’.

Yes, but let see.

Q: Okay.

If you were just the body, then what would you want?

Q: I'm content right now; I'm full, there's no pain, there's no...,

Yes, yes, yes that's why I say that actually from my experience the root of all trouble is not the identification with the body, although many Sages have said that. So I feel a little trepidation when I say these things but I have to always speak from my experience you see. So I find that if there was just identification with this body then all this trouble... There are four ways, four main ways in which we trouble ourselves. The first way is that we want special relationships, partner, romantically or other special relationships, family, you see. But is the body concerned about any special relationship?

Q: No but sometimes.., I don't know if this counts?

Say.

Q: But like it feels like the body..., it could be a thought I don't know but say if there's a pretty girl or something, it feels that there's something that happens here, you know what I mean?

Yes, this is very good, this is very good.

Q: Is that the body's..., or is that combined with a thought?

This is very good, so you can sense that there's an instant reaction that can come in the body, but the body is not saying that 'This one should be my partner and my partner should behave in a certain way with me, she should respect me, we should always have a caring relationship, we should not cheat on each other'…, all this comes from where? Not the body, isn't it? And so this instant feeling that comes of lust; it's just like hunger, it's very innocent, you see, so this is not causing trouble. So in the sense of ‘Oh my parents should understand me, my children should be a certain way'…, all of this special relationship stuff, the body is not concerned about. You see?

Q: Yes, I can see that, yes.

So this is the first way we trouble ourselves. The second way in which we trouble ourself is 'I hope I have some security in my life. How much money is there in my bank account? How is my job? How is my manager treating me at work?' You see? 'Am I making career progress?' You see? All of these things, security, money, materialist possession; is the body concerned about any of that?

Q: No.

No. You see, the body is not concerned. The third way in which we trouble ourself is 'I want a healthy body. Healthier body'. You see? 'Is my body fit enough? Am I exercising enough? Am I keeping the body fit enough? Is the body saying 'I want a healthy body'?

Q: It's hard for me to say because I..,

We can look at this together. It is like me saying I want to keep my car in good running condition so it doesn't break down, you see? So if you explore this relationship between the 'I' that wants to keep even the body healthy, it is not the body which is saying 'I want a healthy body'. It is the one that seems to be the so called owner of this body, the possessor of the body that is saying 'My body's not fit right now and I want to keep it healthy'.

Q: If I could give one example. When I used to drink a lot and then I had a hangover it's almost like the body's saying...,

Yes. But again that is an instant reaction. So you put instead of petrol, you put diesel in the car, that reaction will come in the car. But what I'm saying is 'I must do this kind of exercise and we must keep the body in a certain condition'. I'm not saying any of that is bad but it is not coming from the body; it is coming from the identity which feels it is the owner of the body. You see? This is the third way in which we cause suffering to ourselves; imagined suffering. The forth is that 'I want freedom'. Freedom itself is a cause of big suffering, especially in satsang; for those that come to satsang. The one that wants freedom, is that the body?

Q: No, it doesn't.

Right now it's free completely.

Q: No, it doesn't know anything.

Those four things that seem to occupy us are not about the body. Then who are they about? You say 'They are about me, it's my life, my relationships, my money, my body, my freedom'. It got nothing to do with the body actually.

Q: No.

And yet we say that the trouble is with the identity with the body. No the trouble is the identity, the identifying with this idea of being a person. This is the ego. The sense that 'I am a person' is the ego. The trouble is egoic identity, not the sense that I am the body. And when we look simply like this we can see that ‘I am not the body’ because the body doesn't care about any of these things.

Okay, so this is the way to just look at it very directly and logically. The second way is to see [as another questioner asked previously] 'How is the body experienced here? The sensations of the body, are they all not happening within Being, within Me, My Being?'

Q: Yes, they're all like coming back here somewhere...

The boundary of the body; when we look at this Being itself, does this have any boundary at all? Do the boundaries of the body restrict the space of my Being? Or is it that with every single experience, every sound, every voice, every sensation, there is only the experience of it within my own Being? Even my body is experienced within my Being.

Q: When you put it that way, it feels like everything, seeing that picture, is the same sensation, the same flavor as touching my leg or something and seeing..., it's like...,

Yes, everything is here.

Q: It's all..., well I don't.., yes..., wait a second. [Laughing] Okay, I really enjoy this.

Yes, same here.

Q: And if we could just go slow. I don't know where to go from here but...,

Let's look at this again. Every single experience, whether it is visual, sensual, whether it is experienced internally as a sensation or emotion; it is happening where? Inside You. Inside the space of your Being. And ultimately the flavor is that of One Consciousness. Although in the tasting of different experiences they might have qualitative differences, but there is nothing outside of this.

Q: How would I know?

You are checking, we are checking. Is there anything I could say that is experienced outside of Me? That is happening outside of Me? Including the body, is it not inside of this Being? …, all the sensations of the body, all the visualizations about the body?

Q: It's all here..., coming here.

It's all here, yes.

Q: And just speaking, there's no sense of something outside of Me. I tried to really see if there's something outside, but it feels like if it was it would still be reporting to me.

Yes, it's here.

Q: Like anything. So I can say that I don't know anything outside of me.

So, this means that in the so-called waking state we are realizing that just like in the dream where everything was inside of Me, all of this even right now is exactly the same. We are directly experiencing this, even the space (the seeming space) between two bodies are appearing within this Being, you see? So this is your taste of Oneness, phenomenal oneness. You find that everything that is appearing here is appearing within your own Being, is experienced only within my Being.

Q: Just looking, it is like this.

Yes, it is.

Q: Because I just saw.

Yes, it is your direct seeing, not a mental inference.

Q: And now there's…, I don't know, it feels like a tsunami of things, but even that...,

Yes but even that is appearing. How big is that inside of You? The mind; if it comes like a tsunami, and you see it appearing within the space of same Being, is it really too big for your Being?

Q: No, it's not anything, it's just like anything else.

Yes, yes, just another appearance. Is Being shaken up by it? See again, don't infer anything.

Q: Well, can it..?

Is the Being, shaken up by this tsunami? If the mind is coming like a tsunami, does the Being get shaken up by it? The space of where all experience is happening…, does anything happen to this one?

Q: No, it's just like another..., and honestly I don't even know where it's going or what it's reporting to. So..., but no. It..., sometimes it does somehow, but I'm questioning it.

It does seem to. Yes.

Q: I don't know what we just did but..., it just…, It is seeing though, it's not..., It's just like anything else, any other...,

And this itself is very beautiful because you are realizing that this sense of Being, this sense of 'I Am-ness' is what 'I Am'. 'I Am That I Am'. And yet we might be able to even walk the next step together; which is very simple actually, to just check, whether 'I' am aware of even this space of Being. [Pause]

Q: Because I say it; that its’ reporting to nothing, I'm seeing it.

Yes.

Q: I'm saying it, and there's this power just to See.

Yes.

Q: But...,

So are You seeing it? Or is it seeing you?

Okay, let me rephrase the question. You found that there is this boundary-less space within which all experience is happening. You are aware of this space? Or is this space aware of you?

Q: I'm aware of it.

You are aware of it.

Q: Yes.

Now That which is aware of it, is that also contained in it?

Q: No..., um..?

This is very good, look at this question: 'That which is aware of it, is that also contained in it?'

We already said 'Everything else I find to be contained within this space'. Now we are looking at the final question: ‘That which is aware of it, is that also contained within this space?'

Q: It's Seen

It's Seen.

Q: But I don't know...,

And yet you cannot find a location of That which is aware of it.

Q: Wait, wait, wait, what?... Sorry.

Yes. Can you find the location of That One that is aware of this space? Is it located within this space?

Q: Let's see. So currently just a bunch of images are coming up

Yes, yes.

Q: And I've heard many times in satsang. So just…, but yes just images are coming up.

Images are coming up within the same space of experiencing. Images are coming within the same space of experiencing; nothing is coming up outside of this. And I asked you...,

Q: Can we just back up a little bit?

Yes, yes yes.

Q: This is so good, okay. Okay, alright, I don't know where to back up to but I lost you in the last couple of sentences and I just want to make sure...,

It's good, yes. So let's even start from the beginning. All that is experienced, including this body, including outward seeming...,

Q: Wait, Ananta. Sorry. So when you say 'This body', you're saying the sensations that are reporting here?

Yes, because that is the only way this body is experienced. Yes?

Q: Okay.

It's good, it's very good. I like it very much when you clarify like this. The body is only experienced as a set of sensations, and when our eyes are open then it's collaborated with this visual sense that there's a body here, you see?

Now both of these are appearing within the space of My Being, they're appearing with Me. We can say like that when we start. The sensations are experienced within Me, the visuals are experienced within Me; but in that space of experiencing, everything outside the body is also experienced.

Q: Yes.

There is nothing experienced outside of this.

Q: Yes, it's just…, it's almost impossible

Yes, it is seen to be impossible. Everything is just here. Just stay with this for a minute and then we continue. [Silence]

Whatever is arising let it arise, and you will find that it is within the same space.

Q: Can I come close?

Yes, of course you can.

Q: My heart is pounding.

Yes.

Q: If I could just report. There was this little switch. There's just this crazy fear, but what you just said…, just let it chill, just let it be there.

Yes, because nothing is too big for this space of Being. It is the mind which comes and says 'No, no, no, this is too much, too much, too big’. You let it come and you realize it is nothing.

Q: Yes, it feels like the noise of the fan, it has the same...

Yes, it is made up of the same thing. It is this Being-ness.

Q: Okay, so then just from experience, from what is going on right now, it is seen that everything is coming here.

Yes. Try to find the boundaries of this Here; see where this Here stops.

Q: So there are these images coming, but they're funny actually.

They're also coming within the same space.

Q: Yes.., just, but I feel I can't look that way, or... I don't know…

You can look wherever you like. No conditions.

Q: I don't know the boundaries.

Yes. So This for which boundaries cannot be found; nothing is too much for This One.

Q: [Laughter] It just feels like the only problem right now is that I don't have a problem.

Yes.

Q: Wow, I can just see this impulse to just want to ask you something else.

It's just so simple. It's just so simple. [Both laugh] What problem can This have in That which everything is appearing and disappearing?..., even if the mind is trying to help you by giving you a visual of this.

Q: I see that though.

You see also that this also is appearing Here.

Q: Yes and it's going back to the same.

Yes.

Q: Everything.

Everything.

Q: Even your touch.

Exactly, exactly, even the sensations.

Q: It's coming right back here. There's just this reflex; it's crazy. I feel it, this reflex but..., I think I just want to sit with this for a while.

Yes, this is very good.

Q: And if something comes up, I'll be sure to raise my hand.

You must.

Q: Wow, it's just..., Okay.

And the way that we say it is that ‘Actually it has always been like this’ but we never really looked at it like this.

Q: Yes, thank you.

Very good. And as you stay with your looking of this, just don't make any mental conclusions about it; just stay with the looking itself.

Q: And if they come up?

If you expose them, it's good.

Q2: Father, may I say something?

Yes, my dear.

Q2: I wanted to share that for about a week I've wanted to fly to Bangalore and sit in your living room, and tonight I feel like I'm sitting in your living room.

Yes, this is very good.

Q2: It is. I feel very connected and it's nice to have the image of everyone in the sangha sitting in your living room, and I feel no separation.

Very good.

So in this, we had a beautiful exploration where both, very logically, we saw that ‘I cannot be this body’…, and then experientially also we checked and saw ‘It's just a set of sensations which are appearing inside of my Being’…, which the mind is saying is you-as-the-body.

Everything is Here. So another way to say it is that: This entire manifestation is the body of God, which is You.

Very good.

It's Not About What We Think or What We Feel

The seeker guy, the seeker identity, is the most serious, painful friend to have. It's like…, [hand on head, wondering gesture] And then when it says ‘Oh, I'm on the spiritual path. I must always be happy’. But inwardly it's still…, [hand on head, wondering gesture] but outwardly it's saying that.

And what is the main story behind this seeker guy? That ‘I know something’. Or ‘I still don't know something. There's some ultimate secret that I will discover some day’. Very popular in India especially. Because it's so popular to hear these stories, like the Master telling ‘We just sing bhajans together for 10 years, we just do a lot of service, we feed people’…, like that. And then he takes you into one cave, and inside that cave there's a secret vault or something, and out comes this book which has the secret of the Universe. So after 10 years like that, then the secret of the Universe is revealed. And it's very popular, for us in India especially, to have these kind of concepts. ‘There's something they're not telling me yet’.

But when you come to satsang like this where we start by saying ‘You are free. You are God. You are That Awareness from which even Consciousness is born’…, there are no secrets here. And yet, you want to mentally own this idea, you want to mentally own the idea of freedom or mentally own the idea of God. Instead of checking for what is true, we want to know it just conceptually.

And after knowing it conceptually, we want to feel that way, as a sort of confirmation. We must look at this together, because this happens a lot of times. Because we feel like ‘I know something. I found my freedom. I discovered I'm God’…, and then ‘I want to feel like that; I want to feel that way and I still don't feel that way! That means I haven't really got it’.

Neither of those two things are needed; to either think that way or feel that way is not what we are talking about. God does not feel a certain way. Are feelings are His/Hers.

So is it only that joy, bliss, happiness…, these belong to God and anger, lust, frustration, irritation, guilt, pride, all these belong to someone else? Who else could it be? In the same breath we say ‘But it's only God. God is everything’. That's why I've been saying over and over that it's not about what we think or what we feel. It is about what we are recognizing ourself to be right now. If there is openness to check this, (it could be your first satsang), you can come to this recognition.

And usually I find it is not recognition of this which is so much trouble. It is the after-effects, side-effect of this recognition, which then the ego uses to try to sustain itself.

So the recognition is simply here: I am Here. I am Aware that I Am. If we don't let our mind into this, it's so clear what we're saying: I am Aware that I Am.

But what is the side-effect of this? The mind comes in and says ‘Well,… so what?’ What happened to you? What changed? Nothing.

I have been saying that ‘You have always been This’. And yet we buy this idea from the mind that ‘What happened? What changed?’ Nothing. You have always been This.

Or the mind comes and says ‘Okay, you got it now, it's so clear’…., so that later it can say ‘No, no, you're losing it now. You got angry or you don't feel so clear now, so you must be losing it’. It's still telling you a story.

So, it's these stories that we buy. Many times I've felt we've had this experience, this recognition which is always right now, and the mind offers up a visual of this experience and says ‘This is it’. And we burn that into our memory, and we rely on that from memory to say ‘Yes. This is what I am’. We get stuck into these kind of mental states, mental states or ideas about what Awareness or Beingness are.

So, to avoid any of this, we must be fresh. No sage has ever said that he's beyond conditioning. No master has ever said that ‘I know in the future I will never buy an idea’. At best, they've only said that…, okay, in this case, I've only said that since I met my master, I've said that I've lost the ability to suffer. Moments; for some time. But when I look back at the last 7 years I can say that a thought has not got me for more than a few moments. But I cannot say that tomorrow no thought will get me. We don't know these things. We must always be open and fresh to these things.

You see where I'm going? Just this. Anything which tells you that you are like this, this is happening to you, that you must not be this way, this feeling must not come; or that you will always now be free, no grief can ever come to you, you will always only have joy and bliss…, all of these are just traps. Any idea we have about ourself, especially these spiritual ones, are ultimately also just ideas from the mind. The reality that IS is not reliant on any of this. And in this openness, in this freshness and in this integrity there can be no resistance. Or even if resistance comes, it cannot really last. And we see that there is nothing missing in the Right Now. And when we compare the words in satsang with what our direct experience is right now…, this is very, very important. We must compare the words in satsang with the direct experience of What Is Right Now; and not with a story of what I feel it should be or I think it should be. Then you'll come to see that what I am speaking is completely true for you.

And we should know that any story we pick up about ourself if only a doorway to suffering. But the good news is that you cannot really suffer without buying a story. You can experience pain without a story but there is no suffer-er in this pain. The suffer-er is just a figment of our imagination, of our thoughts. There is no suffer-er. There is no doer. There is no thinker. Except as an idea. You see?

And many times we just presume that the words of satsang are meant for this ‘entity’ but actually, they are not. There is no entity. The same mind which is telling you the stories of suffering is telling you the stories of freedom from suffering. You see? The same one that says that ‘My life is terrible because of this, this and this’ is also saying that ‘Your life can be better if you listen to satsang and think like this’. But if you really listen to satsang and you really look at where I'm pointing to, you will find that I am not pointing to an individual entity at all.

I'm speaking to You-as-Consciousness which is currently playing the role of a person. And all that I'm really saying is that: Why? Haven't you had enough?

Every question about this, for almost the last three years every day in satsang, we have answered, I feel. ‘How do I drop the person? How do I not believe my thoughts? What are the powers of attention and belief? What is the root of identity? What is doership? What is Truth? What is devotion? What is surrender?’ And Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] answered these questions in the 1930’s, same questions. When you read ‘Talks with Ramana’ …, Parvati also sometimes reads, and I enjoy listening to it very much. And I have to be honest; not so much for the answer actually. Because I enjoy hearing the questions, and I enjoy hearing that the questions were just the same. Almost 100 years ago; still talking about the same thing.

So there is something which is so deeply invested in making the idea of ‘the person’ work that we are not willing to open up to the simplicity of what is being shared. And that ultimately is also a play of the same Consciousness. So you must not take on any sense of personal guilt about it that ‘Oh, I'm not doing a good enough job of dropping the person’. This is also very popular in seeker identity. ‘I'm unworthy’ or ‘I'm not doing a good enough job in dropping my person’. Who is this one? …. Just the same ‘person’ voice. You see? And actually, if the ego is keeping score of identification, then every time we buy these nonsense thoughts about unworthiness, not getting it, not dropping the person enough, not surrendered enough, not understanding enough…, it's notching up 10 more points in the score board for the ego.

And right now, the mind might be shouting and saying ‘But then, what do I do?! He's not telling me what to do’.

Just Look: Who is this voice? And who is it talking to?

And how to look? It's not some mystical, esoteric process. It's very, very simple. It's definitely not mystical. How to look? How do I inquire? Just by looking, simply: Who am I? Am I that which is appearing? Or am I That to which that which is appearing is appearing to?

Am I that which is appearing?

Or am I That to which …that which is appearing… is appearing to?

And because it's a long sentence, let me see if I can say it one more time. Am I that which is appearing? Or am I That to which that which is appearing is appearing to?

And just after I said it's very simple. [Laughs]. Okay.

Am I that which is seen?

Or am I the Seeing of it?

How is that? [Laughs].

Am I that which is seen?

Or That which is the Seeing of it?

Which one am I? Which one am I? Which one are you?

Are you that which is seen?

Then who's Seeing it?

Are you not Seeing it?

And don't go too far yet. I know the mind wants to jump and go ‘I'm both’. I know, I know. [Chuckles] Just hold on. So stay with this.

Can I be that which is seen?

Then who is it being Seen by?

What is more intimate to me:

The Seeing? Or that which is seen?

And even if the mind is saying ‘Yes, yes, I know this’…, check again. It doesn't hurt.

So what is everything that is Seen? What is Seen? Outer world is seen. Am I that, the outer world? Or is the Seeing of it more intimate to me? Am I that which is also appearing in the outer world; this body? And the mind actually fantastically makes a distinction and says ‘No, no, outer world is not you. But the body is not outer world’. Isn't it? It is part of the same world. The same realm which is appearing, this body is a part of that. Who Sees this one?

Then what else is Seen? Thoughts. Am I Seeing them? Or they are seeing me? Thoughts are coming and going; am I going along with them? Or I'm still here? Therefore I cannot be these. Also Seen. Same for memory, imagination.

What else is Seen? Emotional. We say ‘This morning I was feeling very frustrated’. Therefore what we're saying is ‘Before this morning, this frustration was not there. I was there. I was still there. This feeling or not…, I was there’. And this feeling is perceived, it's Seen.

And we also say ‘I woke up at 6:30 this morning; I went to sleep at 11:00 pm’. So something is already very clear about this truth; that this Presence also dissolves when sleep comes, and this Presence comes back up’. Don't give it to the mind. You sleep and you wake up. A child knows this. That which sleeps and that which wakes up is your own Presence, Consciousness. And yet, You are still there to say ‘I went to sleep’. But you say ‘I don't know, I didn't have any experience of sleep’. Because there was nothing there. How can you say ‘I experience sleep’? There was nothing there. You are saying ‘There was nothing there’…, no? ‘Nothingness’. You see? So it is not second-hand experience. Nobody told you that when you went to sleep there was nothing. You say this yourself. Then you say ‘I woke up’…, which means the ‘I Am’ woke up.

So, this One that Saw all of this seeming-outer and seeming-inner, don't you know it is You? You know it is You actually. [Chuckles] Who else could it be, if not You? You already know it is You.

Now, what is the only trouble left? ‘Oh, but my mind is saying…..’ [Silence] Is there another You here, which the mind is representing? Is there another one of you which the mind is representing? Another one which is not getting enough attention and therefore needs this voice to come and give its opinions about things? Who is this one? Do you have a side-kick that you never knew about, which the mind comes and complains about? [Smiles] Who is it representing? And if it is representing You, then you must already know what it is saying. If it is Your voice, then why do You need to say it? You must already know it. If you have a pain in the stomach, the pain is already experienced. You know of the pain. Why do you need a voice to say ‘I have a pain in the stomach’? It is already know. If you're feeling hot or cold, it is already experienced. But you will find that this mind is most often not talking about experience but some ideas; future. As simple as that.

And this mind tells you that right now you are not God, you are something else; you are some person…, which none of us can ever find. So actually, it is not that I can ever be person…, which is just the most crazy idea ever. Because nobody has ever found this one. You know? Almost 7 billion seemingly-appear on this planet. If you were to all of them and ask, nobody can show this person. And yet everybody is pretending to be one. This is Maya, you see. We must have gone to some very good acting schools that we took on the roles so well. [Chuckles]

Now, drop the act. Drop the act.

[Silence]

Then What is Satsang For?

The way of the world is to go from that which is simple to that which is more complex, more difficult; a level 1, level 2, level 3. The way to build expertise in this world is to go from that simplicity to more and more insight through complexity. But the way of this satsang, the way of spirituality, true spirituality, is to go from that complexity into more and more simplicity. And if we find that something is grasping to understand, something is grasping to get some conceptual expertise, then we know that it can safely be dropped. Because nothing that I'm saying actually needs to be understood in that way. You see? So even when I say ‘Please understand’ what I really mean is ‘Please look’. Because nothing here is really abstract. To the mind it is completely unfathomable, and therefore it seems totally abstract. But to You, the reality that You are, nothing is extraordinary here that we are speaking about.

So it's not that we must take on more and more conceptual understanding, but more and more get used to just checking for ourselves as to what is really here. And if we notice that there is something like grasping for more and more understanding, even that can be dropped. Because in that, there is a sense that ‘I will’ …, ‘Today I picked up these concepts, tomorrow I'll pick up some more maybe and in a few weeks of satsang, I will really have got it’. If there's a sense that ‘This satsang is good because every day I can pick up some new spiritual concepts, and in a few weeks I will have my bag full’ then it's not really the same satsang as I'm in. It's in some sort of a mental satsang where these words are just being picked up. ‘Oh, this one sounds good, so let me collect this one’. ‘This one…, okay, this one I knew before, so this one can go’. ‘This one I don't really agree with, so this can be kept aside’.

So our disagreement actually must not come from a fight between concepts. You see? Our disagreement must not come from ‘This is what I believe’ verses ‘This is what you say’. Our disagreement, if any, must come from this sense that ‘I checked on what you say, and I find that it is not true’. This is beautiful contemplation, and always reveals something.

Very often, there can be some confusion about non-doership, personal non-doership verses ‘Then who is the pointing in satsang for?’ This confusion can remain actually for a long time for many of us. Because on the one hand, we say ‘There is nothing for you to do’. Who is that referring to? It is referring to that which does not exist. The person that does not exist obviously cannot do anything. When we say ‘Don't try to do anything’ it means ‘Don't believe in this sense of personal doership’. Then what is all of the pointing for? The idea still remains sticky sometimes; that this satsang, or satsangs in general, will help the person free itself from personhood.

The idea can remain sometimes that satsang is to help the person free itself from personhood. But this is not the case. Satsang, like everything else in this realm, is just a play that Consciousness is playing with Itself.

So, I'm going to repeat one more time because I know this is sort of a sticky confusion for many of you. So, let's look at it really step by step.

Awareness, always aware, is not deluded, not confused, cannot play any roles, is not operating actively in this realm at all. It's just the primal Witnessing of this entire play.

[Are you] With me?

Awareness is always aware. It cannot be playing the game of delusion and freedom, it cannot be an active participant in this realm of appearances. So …, then what has to be done to Awareness? Is there some pointing for Awareness? No. Obviously not. Awareness is just aware. It is the unborn, undying, absolute, ultimate…, whatever you want to call it; That One. No satsang is needed for Awareness.

Therefore when we point to Awareness, what is the purpose of it?

When we point to Awareness, when we say ‘Are you aware now?’ it is for that which is playing as if it were a person in this realm, for it to play the game of recognition of what it truly Is.

Even If Not Understanding Satsang, Can You Stop Being?

Q: I just wanted to ask…, Why do you say ‘playing the game’? Playing that game…, to … ?

Okay, so stay with me, we'll get to that point. So, it's clear that Awareness could not be the one that is spoken to here [in satsang]? That is clear? Or not?

Q: Yeah, I guess…, I don't know about that.

So this Awareness which we say is the unborn, undying, untouched, unconcerned, un-label-able One; if it is all of that, then obviously it is not being helped in satsang in any way.

Q: Yeah, I understand that.

So, Awareness is just aware of this entire…, I call it ‘play’. I'll tell you why now.

Q: Just I can tell you kind of why I'm confused…, because if you call it the play, you say ‘Sometimes you play, or you're done with the play and you try and come back’. But now you're saying ‘The play to recognize’. So, I feel like the play is when you're not trying to recognize; when you're trying to play, you're playing the life game. And then when you're done with the play is when you want to recognize. Maybe it's not …

Yes. No, no, it's good. We'll look at this in detail actually, because today I really want to get into this confusion about this.

So, let's stay with what I am saying. So, Awareness is aware. Nothing is changing for Awareness. We say in every satsang that the person does not exist. The person does not exist, so we would not be spending all this time trying to guide this one that does not exist.

Q: Yes.

Yes. So, Awareness just does not need any help with anything at all. The person does not exist. So then the question that is very valid is ‘What is satsang for?’ Then, what can be trouble is that when we say ‘All there Is, is Awareness’…, which is ultimately true, actually…, and ‘The person never existed’…, therefore nothing is needed, no conversation at all is needed, even this seeming-conversation is not needed. You see?

Q: From the Ultimate, yes.

But there is nothing else, for there to be something which is not the Ultimate. That means we must bring our attention to that which seems to be playing as if it is not the Ultimate. It is relative.

Q: Yeah, I mean, I guess people like me fall into perspectives that are less Ultimate; more relative. So ...

Actually, if we're talking about an appearance in this realm, then we cannot really refer to it as the Ultimate anyway. Because this realm is the realm of conditioning. You see? There is no expression, no true expression of that Ultimate, non-existent, non-phenomenal Absolute which can be found in this play of phenomena. This entire realm is a play of phenomena.

Q: Okay, I understand that.

So, to just presume that’ I am non-phenomenal’, which is the Absolute truth, can sometimes become the denial of this appearance of this relative realm.

Q: Yeah.

Yeah. I know it can seem a bit sticky. What I'm simply saying is that although the truth is always that ‘I am this non-phenomenal Awareness’..., yet to deny the appearance of the dynamic aspect, the phenomenal aspect which arises within me can become a very strongly egoistic, mental stand-point. You see, if you just say like a mantra that ‘All is This Awareness, All is This Absolute’…, how that can manifest [in us], (and how it manifested here when I was under that affliction, in a sense), was the manifestation of this ‘Spiritual Jerk’ which was when anyone would come in front of me and say ‘This is what's happening to me’ or ‘This is what my day was like’…, like when my wife would come and say these things to me, I would say ‘But who are you? You don't exist’. [Laughs] So as you can tell, that conversation would not go well. Because, as Adya said ‘Although everything you're saying is true, you're still being a jerk’. And this jerkiness comes from sticking on mentally to an Ultimate perspective, unwilling to acknowledge the existence or the appearance of this realm which is Consciousness. And yet, the denial of Consciousness can only happen within Consciousness.

Awareness cannot say ‘There is no Consciousness’. Awareness is not interested in saying that. So even the denial of Consciousness happens only in the realm of Consciousness.

So, there must be this appearance of this dynamic aspect, this ‘I Am’.., and within that, the ability to say ‘I am not’. Even to say that ‘I am not’ must first presume the existence of an ‘I Am’. You see?

I know it's a bit tricky today, but we must look into these things. To say ‘I am not’ needs ‘I Am’.

Q: Or else how would you speak?

Exactly. Or how would you say ‘I am not’ before there being an ‘I Am’…, ‘which is not’.

So this leads to a lot of ‘level confusion’ because…, in the sense that we're trying to speak about that which is the Ultimate Reality from a place of denying the relative appearance of this phenomenal realm…, within the phenomenal realm. If all that we knew to be true is the Ultimate Reality then I don't feel there would be any need to speak in the phenomenal realm.

Q: But you still speak.

Exactly. So that is now what we are coming to. So what is then the point of satsang? What is the point of this sharing?

So, for me, I would rather say that rather than denying the phenomenal play, let us look. And nobody can deny that this appearance is appearing. Really, with integrity, can we deny that this appearance is appearing? No. It can be said that ‘I am not in the appearance’ but we cannot say that this appearance is not appearing; because even to say that would be within the appearance itself.

Q: Yes.

So, now that this appearance seems to be appearing, how does the play of appearances go? It goes with the picking up of the conditioning that ‘I am a person, I am the body, these are my relationships, these are the things I want and these are the things I don't want; this is my life’. All of this conditioned play. Playing as a person is the usual appearance in this realm. And how it also usually appears is that when one is tired of playing as a person…, (Okay, so I'm getting to your question finally)…, when one is tired of playing as a person then the next stage of this play of the Leela starts, which is the play of freedom.

Q: The play of freedom…

The play of freedom. Why? Because nothing really happened to Consciousness. Consciousness, when it started playing as the person, did not actually become a person.

Q: Okay.

So, it played the play of a person. And then, as a final game of the play of the person, it is playing the game of dissolution of personhood itself. You see? So it is this dissolution of personhood that is the ending of the play of the person. And yet, that which IS, this ‘I Am-ness’ which is here cannot be denied. Because I cannot say ‘I have stopped being’ just because I have discovered I am not a person. Being is still here. The denial of Being can only be within Being.

Q: And then you continue to play as Consciousness….

As God. So you move from playing as if you're a person to moving to play just as Consciousness or God Itself.

Q: But when you say ‘You play’ do you feel like You're playing? Is it…? I'm speculatively asking. I want to ask. So you say ‘You are playing as God’. Are You playing as God? Or God is playing and you're just kind of there.

It depends on what you're calling Yourself. So if you say that ‘I am Awareness’ then you can say that ‘I am the Witness of God's play’.

Q: Yeah, but is there a sense that ‘I am playing’? Is that sense there that ‘I am playing’?

Yes, I Am. The ‘I Am’ sense still remains.

Q: So, you have the feeling that you're playing?

Yes, the sense that ‘I Am’ itself is the play. The sense that ‘I Am’ itself is the play. You see? So, the’ I Am’ stays and this world of appearances is dancing for that ‘I Am’. That itself is the play now. But you're no longer playing as the person.

But if you're saying ‘I'm playing’ as if I'm playing a video game or something, no; not like that.

Q: I don't get it. I don't. But it's fine.

Okay, so let's replace the word ‘playing’. So, let's say that God was pretending as if it was a person; pretending in that way. And now the pretense is dropped. But it doesn't mean that this world of appearances stops appearing and moving about.

So, forget ‘play’. You see this aspect of pretending…

Q: I can't understand your words, actually. I kind of stopped being able to understand the words, kind of a while ago. Like, in every satsang, I don't understand anything. [Ananta chuckles & smiles] And I don't even know why I'm asking the questions because I also know I won't understand. But I just really like satsang. I know what I feel when I come. You know? So that's enough. And I know what's happening inside. But somehow I want to know this. I don't know why I want to know this right now.

It's good. It's very good. Okay. So, tell me…, I know this feeling. I know this feeling from direct experience. So, when I say ‘Can I stop being now?’ is there something to understand in that?

Q: So, you ask me the question and the question goes inside and something happens. It's almost like somebody puts another camphor into the fire, and I feel it. It's like something burns again. Some nonsense lights up. And it feels real, or whatever. And that's all I can say.

So, the answer is what? Can you stop being?

Q: I don't know.

You must try to stop being. Try to stop being. Don't be here. Don't be.

Q: [Throws his head back]

Can you not be? For a just a second?

Q: I don't know. I don't want to say anything.

Just say, from direct experience. Don't worry about sounding silly or right or something.

Q: [Puts his hands over his eyes]

I'm asking something very simple. Can you stop Being?

Q: I don't want to give you just an answer.

Just see from your own experience. Can I stop being now?

Q: I can't. I can't. But I find it hard to say this because there is nothing substantiating my response. Like I usually try to speak when I have something to substantiate it, something to prove that what I'm saying is true. But I'm just saying it…, it feels like I'm just talking…

Here, we don't need any secondary evidence. Just the direct evidence…, that I tried to stop being, and yet Being is still here.

Q: Yeah. It's here.

It's here.

Q: I don't know if I can stop it, or I can't stop it. I took the question and I…

Yes. The point is not to stop it or not stop it, the point is to bring you to the experience that the Being is here.

Q: Yeah, it's here.

It's here. Okay. So, that's all that needed to be understood with that.

Q: Okay.

So you are coming to the direct experiencing. The mind could still be saying ‘But I didn't understand what happened’.

Q: [Starts laughing]

So, that's exactly what I was saying, that our idea of understanding has been this conceptual understanding; and we are keeping that aside and coming to the direct looking.

So, you say ‘Being is here’. No mental concept can bring you to this point where authoritatively you can say ‘Being is here’. It can only be from your direct experience.

Q: Can you tell me if I am experiencing it or not?

You are experiencing it. Everybody is.

Q: So, when I say ‘yes’…, am I lying or am I telling the truth?

[Laughs and laughter in the room] If you were lying, then you would be able to stop being.

Q: But am I just speaking like a conceptual spiritual ego? Or whatever; am I fake or am I real? Like I don't want to keep coming to satsang and just be a lemon. I really want to get there and speak honestly.

Just like a child [being asked]…, Can you stop being now?

Q: [Shakes his head ‘no’]

Why? Because…?

Q: Because I can feel my Being is being. And my heart is beating and I feel the heart beating, so I feel like this is me, being. Is that right?

You can feel that Being is being. Does it need the heart to beat…, to be?

Q: When you ask me this question, it feels like my heart goes ‘whoop’.

And yet, if that was to stop, would that be the end of Being? Suppose even this didn't come to your attention.

Q: [Throws his head back] It would be the end…, is what I feel like…., if my heart stops beating, I wouldn't exist.

Right now, can you stop being, irrespective of what the heart is doing?

Q: How can I separate my heart from my being?

It's like saying ‘If my brain stopped functioning, then I would stop being’. So, is it the heart or the brain?

Q: Feels like it's the heart. It sounds so dumb; I know it sounds…, but it's really what I'm feeling.

It's okay. We are looking at conditioning and ideas that we have about ourselves, and we are letting them go. So it's okay to look at this, to be honest like this.

Q: Because the experience of the heart beating is validating my existence. And I can try to go all spiritual, that I'm believing it and …, no. But it really feels like this is… [Silence] And there's a lot of emotion. There's a lot of emotion around that heart-center area which I feel in the body. I feel that this is where I am.

Yes. And the rest of it is where? [Silence] The rest of your body is not inside you? [Silence] If you say ‘This is what I am’ then the rest of it is not you?

Q: It's not.

Then who is it? What is it?

Q: It's something else. I'm not concerned about it.

So, you are just here.

Q: I just feel like yeah, I'm in my heart. It's emotional and it's also accompanied with actual physical heart moving.

Yes. So if you were just here, then who would be worried about sounding silly or whether they got it or any of that? You're just the heart. So, don't fight that. Just the heart. Now, what else is there? Who else is Satyn? [Silence] Who doesn't want to speak from spiritual concepts? Who is it that stops understanding midway in satsang? The heart?

Q: [Stunned silence; looking, listening]

And who perceives the heart also? Is that which sees the heart or is aware of the heart, is that also the heart?

Q: No.

So, is that somebody else who is seeing? Or are you seeing the heart? Even the beating of the physical heart…, who is perceiving?

Q: I can't catch that question. Like, it's not…

This one that can't catch this question. Let's keep that one on the side for a while, because it's simpler than that.

You're saying that the heart is beating, yes or no.

Q: Yes.

That who is seeing that the heart is beating; who is that one? Is Prabha [sitting there] telling you that your heart is beating?

Q: No, she's not.

Is it not your direct experience?

Q: It is my direct experience.

So, therefore you must be seeing that the heart is beating. You are aware of the beating of your heart, isn't it?

Q: Yes, I am.

So, this one that his aware of the beating of the heart, is that also beating? Is it the heart? What is it?

Q: Yeah, it's … silent. [Laughs]

Silent. Yes.

Q: It comes and goes, though.

It comes and goes? And who is there to see that it comes and goes? You say it comes and goes…

Q: I say this out of frustration, because I'm always coming back to this place and …

It's okay.

Q: … that I'm losing it then coming back then losing it.

So, let's say it like this, okay? So, let's say I'm attached to something. And this something is like a flower in my garden or my rose plant, it has some roses and I'm very happy when it comes; but it goes. It comes and it goes. You see? So, I am watching my rose plant. The rose is coming and the rose is going. And I don't like, because it comes and goes. You see? But I must be there to report that something is coming and going. I must know that the rose plant has a rose or doesn't have a rose.

Q: Of course, of course.

In the same way, I could say that I have this beautiful thought about the future, this beautiful image, imagination of what my house will be 10 years later. And I love it. But even this thought comes and goes. Therefore, there must be an ‘I’ that knows that this thought comes and goes. Isn't it?

Q: [Shakes his head yes]

In the same way, you could say that I have this beautiful feeling of bliss. But even this feeling comes and goes. Everything in this appearance comes and goes.

Q: I mean, it's always there in satsang, and then I leave satsang and it's there; but eventually it goes.

It goes. Everything in this appearance comes and goes. But for You to be able to say ‘It comes and goes’…, it means You must still be there to watch the coming and going of it.

Can you really say…? If you were a just that feeling, or that which actually came and went, then You would also go along with it. No?

Q: But that's impossible.

Is it just mentally impossible, or… ?

Q: Yeah, it's mentally impossible.

Let's check. Any feeling, the coming and going of it, am I not there to witness it?

Q: [Silence]

You say ‘In satsang I get these beautiful feelings of bliss, then it reduces and it eventually goes.

Q: How am I getting those experiences? I am…

Yes. And yet, that which is the Witness of these is untouched by them. That which says ‘They are coming, very beautiful, very strong’ and then ‘They are going’. Is that one touched by it?

Q: I get it, I get it and then I doubt it. I doubt everything. Like I am a doubting person. I have that tendency. I doubt everything, anything.

It's very helpful...

Q: Yes, but it's bad also.

Well sometimes, but when you are in Satsang, it can be helpful actually.

Q: No. Because I don't believe anything.

Don't believe anything.

Q: No, but it's bad.

[Laughs] Don't believe that also.

Q: Because when I get a good experience, I am like ‘Wait…, am I really getting a good experience? Is it really happening for me?’ ... blah, blah, blah, blah.

Very good. Use this.

Q: I feel mad. I feel like a mad man.

Don't believe this. Don't believe this also. Don't believe it is bad, you are mad, all these "ads", don't add to yourself. So don't believe anything, including what I am saying.

Q: Okay, yes. Okay, no wait. No, I have to believe what you say. It's like because if I believe what you say, it overrides my own belief, honestly. Because I am able to put more trust in your words than my words. So it actually helps a lot. I would say ‘I believe Ananta’ and then I am able to get out of my own head and then listen to you and it takes me out.

But, so if we are replacing prior conditioning with new conditioning, that is all right. But ultimately even this conditioning must be let go of, because I don't want you to be dependent on my belief system.

Q: But I am.

Right now. So let's look at how we can even transcend that.

Q: I don't want to transcend. I just want to be around you. Because you are It. I can just keep listening to you. You will take me wherever I have to go. I don't have to do anything.

This is also OK. This is surrender which is very beautiful. But just don't block off anything. Then if you trust me, then just remain open to what is being shared…, ‘Okay, so I don't really care what he is saying, I just want to be with him’.

Q: I think I do that.

Yeah, that's what I am saying. This is a normal thing that happened with those with a devotional temperament. Sometimes they can fall into this trap which is that ‘He's just talking some nonsense. [Laughs]. You see? Whatever, whatever, whatever sense you have…, a little bit of just remaining open. Don't say it's just nonsense. Just remain open. Say ‘I don't get it yet but I trust he will get me there’. You will find that those who have come to Satsang with even this devotion…, like Aradhana when she came first, she had no interest in any of what was being pointed like this. She was just like this, like ‘I just want to be with you and I know that I am safe with you. I can trust you’. And yet there was some openness in allowing things to come, and looking would happen very naturally. And now if you speak to her, she speaks about all of this; Awareness, Consciousness. There's nothing which escapes.

Q: I think it is only because of that actually because I don't get all this stuff really. I can pretend like I get it and say the stuff. But I feel like it's only because I put my whole Being, like, in what you say. I am like ‘I am just going to totally listen to you’ and then it automatically happens. It's totally you. Like that's the only thing that works.

It's okay like this. Actually, if someone was to ask me also, (and although I can sound like this, and sound very Advaita and things like this), but if someone was to say ‘You have to pick between being a devotee or being a Gyani then I would say devotee’. So then being a devotee is not a struggle.

Q: Yeah, it's not. I think... [Laughs].

Because it's easy then. Everything is my Master's problem, my Father's problem. Then with that, all this conditioning from the mind and ‘What's going to happen to you? Where is my life going?’…, all of that seems powerless because ‘None of it is my problem’. It is my [Ananta's] problem. None of it is your problem.

Q: But I am a bad student. I pick it up again.

Don't pick this up.

Q: You get rid of it, I get it back.

And suppose you were a bad student, whose problem would that be? You say ‘I have surrendered to you’. Then don't pick up trying to fix the bad student also.

Q: But I get frustrated. I am like ‘Why? Because when you went to Satsang and Anantaji did this and that, it's like, look: Free! And then you picked it up again’.

This is also my problem then. You can't have it both ways. You see? This is okay. Let me unravel this for you.

Q: It's like you come half-way and I come half-way. I believe that.

No, that is not the way of surrender. You can say something like that but the point is that if you have surrendered, then surrender everything. You see? There are many variations of half-surrender and this is one of them.

The first variation of half-surrender is that ‘You are the doer now but I am the experiencer’. ‘Why are you doing this to me?’ or ‘Thank you for doing this to me’. But actually doer and experiencer must be the same.

Sometimes those who are inclined to pride, they will say all the good things…, ‘I was very good today, I did all the good stuff’. You see? And yet ‘God is doing this to me or my Master is doing these bad things to me’. You see? Those who are inclined towards pride will say that.

Those who are inclined towards guilt, they will say ‘Master is for such great stuff. Ananta is doing this, he's doing this…, and yet I am being so bad’. Then if your Master can do the good stuff then who is doing the bad stuff? If the Master is the doer, then everything must be his doing.

Q: I understand it. Yes. I understand.

Then with this surrender, then you see that the sense of personal doership dissolves. Then you see that ‘Everything is my Masters’ and then you will say ‘My master and I are one’.

Q: Yeah, I want that.

Let that be my problem to deal with. You don't pick up anything about yourself. Let it all be, take it up with my Father. Whatever the mind is saying, take it up with my Father. Like ‘You are being bad, you are not listening’. Take it up with my Father.

Q: I can say that?

Yes, you can say that.

Q: Okay.

Even sometimes the fear is that ‘How can I give this to my Father? This is too horrible or terrible’.

Q: Yes, I feel that.

You can.

Q: How can I just say ‘It's you’? How can I put the ‘own-ness’ or the responsibility to blame on you?

Yes, you can.

Q: [talking to himself] ‘Can't just make excuses for your life, Satyn’.

You can't have it both ways. You see. Then don't give me the good stuff also. Don't give me credit for the good stuff. Then say ‘Satyn did it’.

Q: But then how does that help me?

Exactly. So leave both of this to me. If there is a sense that ‘My Master is doing it’ then your Master is doing everything. To experience this realm of contrast, sometimes he is eating sugar, sometimes he is eating salt. Then you will come to the realization that there is no Satyn and there is no Master; that we are one. You give up on ideas of Satyn, the most guilt ridden ones, the most shameful ones as well as the most full of pride, the most amazing ones. All ideas of Satyn must be dropped.

Q: Can you take them for me?

That's what we are doing in Satsang.

Q: I don't want them.

Then you don't energize them with your belief.

Q: Yeah.

And especially your most guilty thoughts, say ‘Take it up with my Father’. Because I see you are attracted to guilt. Why do you want to be that way? It is all my problem.

Q: Years of conditioning, right. And I don't make excuses but...

Years of conditioning are nothing for the Satguru. If you keep believing that it's years and it should take years to go, then it will play that way. To That which is The Eternal One, years of conditioning is nothing but a blink of an eyelid. It is the devotees that have the easiest time actually. So now you see it. Don't become guilty about that. You see, because those who are attracted to guilt will even say ‘If I say don't become guilty…?’ then you say ‘Okay I am becoming too guilty’ and feel guilty about that.

Q: Like I wanted that. I can't even blame anyone else. I can't make an excuse because I chose that thought pattern. Since I have come to Satsang, I can even see ‘Ah, at that point I even chose that and I continue to run that way’. So, yeah, I feel like I am running back the other way. I have to run as long.

Now you don't have to do anything. I am running for you. And this can be a little fearful. This mind comes and says ‘But who are you?’ …, ‘What are you to do?’ Nothing.

[Silence]

Q: Thank you. I love you. A lot.

Yes..., Same, same.

Q: Really. No, I really, really, really love you a lot. I would be totally just lost without you, [and] Shri Mooji.

I am always here. Even physically I am mostly here. [Laughs].

Q: Yeah, thank God for that. Thank God I was born in Bangalore. Wondering if I did something right to be born in Bangalore.

We had to dance this dance together. We had to be here.

Q: Yeah, thank God for that. Thank God for you. Okay, I love you. I guess I should go. So thanks and I love you.

Witnessing is Not Affected By What Comes and Goes

In the next instant, in this instant, anything can happen; absolutely anything can happen. Not to start the week on a terrible note or something, but there could be a nuclear disaster in India and all of us could be wiped out without any sense of what happened. This moment it could happen. Or in this moment, the most glorious seeming experience can appear; that you are in heaven, which is unchanging. All that we have invested in the life of this person, (seeming person), can be blown to bits any moment. Therefore, those who are wise, even phenomenally, even before discovering the Self, they would say that there is no point in getting attached to that which is appearing. Isn't it? Because they have seen that no matter what you do, there is no point in hanging on to these appearances. This is surrender, you see? Just to be open to what is appearing on the seeming-outside. Anything can be happening. Let's look together.

Anything could be happening on the outside. All of you could go crazy this second, and come to attack me or something. Suppose… [Laughs] But will that change anything that is real here? Will the Witness of all of this outside movement change in any way, because of anything happening in this realm? It won't change.

So if anything happening on the outside cannot change or touch this Witness, then who is so concerned about it? Who wants things to be a certain way? ‘I want my life…, (and by that we usually mean the appearances that appear in my life), …to only be a certain way’. Who is this one?

We surrender the outer appearances, and say that ‘Whatever be Thy will, in this realm’ and yet You remain untouched. It's completely unpredictable what happens; and when we let go of it, when we let go of ideas of what should happen, then we start enjoying this play in this way. And I can tell you that it is a lot more fun to watch this movie without trailers or expectations of how it should be.

[Brief audio cut]… right now? There are millions, billions of processes maybe that are happening in the body right now. What are the processes that go into place to make us smile right now, or to make us cry right now? There are many, many thousands; so many millions of things which are happening in this body right now and we feel that it is ‘my body’. You can't even change one heartbeat of the body, and we claim ownership of it.

So, anything can happen in this body, and we can let it go. Let it go does not mean necessarily some recklessness or neglect. There's just a neutrality towards what is appearing. And in the same way that nothing happened to the Witness when something appears in the outside realm, then in the same way you also realize that nothing happened to That which Witnesses this body, no matter what is happening to the body. Even the pain in the body does not touch the Witnessing of it.

Then what else do we want to control? Thoughts. Many in India actually are trying to get a pure mind. ‘I want a pure mind’. And nobody…, (nobody I have seen, at least; I shouldn't say ‘nobody’)…, has been able to do it. But nobody that I have seen has been able to do this. ‘Think only pure thoughts. Think no defense.’ The mind is attack and defense. Only us vs. them, only arrogance, only specialness. It is the job of the mind to inculcate these ideas. But is That who is aware of the mind, the Witness of the mind, is That affected in any way by the purity or the impurity of the mind?

Right now any thought can come. Does something happen to the Witness of it because the thought came? And is something taken away from the Witness when the thought goes? It's just a coming and going; just like any other appearance.

Then what else do we get attached to? Some sensation or emotion. Step back from these and really look. What happens if the emotion is joy or the emotion is grief? Does something happen to the Witness of them?

The mind of course will come and say ‘But only these kind of emotions should come’. And yet, in this play full of contrast, we have both opposites whether we like it or now. But the important point to notice is ‘How does That which Witnesses these…, how is that one touched, how is that one affected?’

And it is possible right now to be completely open to allow everything to come in all these layers, seeming-layers of existence that we spoke about, because the Witness is not an entity. If the Witness was an entity then something coming or going could hurt it or affect it. Therefore we can say that there is no Witness actually; there is only the Witnessing.

And you must not try to understand this. You must try to check if this is true or not. You must not collect new concepts. See that this is true. It's very simple.

If You Put It All Aside, Are You Still Here?

Suppose that satsang was an e-commerce website. [Laughter]. If satsang was an e-commerce website, put the outside appearances into the cart, put the body into the cart, put the thoughts, emotions, into the cart, put even the sense that I exist, I Am, into the cart. Now what is left? Everything is gone, into the cart. What is left? Is that which is left…, can we find that one to put it into the cart?

Q: Something is coming in this absence, some joy is coming.

Yes. Joy is also into the cart.

Q: Oh no. [Laughter].

[Laughter]. Because whatever we can find, can go into the cart. Whatever has been located, into the cart. Can we locate our Self? All feelings, sensations, all these appearances, sublime experiences, everything that is located, put it into the cart. Have you gone in, or you're still here?

Q: Some tension is dissolving, like I'm disappearing.

Yes, yes, yes. But once you disappear, that means you're no longer an appearance. Are you still here, or no?

Q: Without boundaries.

Yes.

Q: It's how I will..., and it makes me feel afraid.

Yes. Without boundaries.

Q: Just space.

Also without any attributes, qualities, anything. No color, no shape, no form; not within time, not within this space.

Q: Something wants this dissolution. The fear is about...

That ‘something’ also in the cart. Whatever you find, you put it in the cart. Because that which is claiming to want to find It, is actually trying to distract you, from It.

Q: Yes. It's mind.

Whatever you can find, put it in the cart. Put it in the basket. What is left? Have you also gone in the basket? It's a very simplistic example, but it's very powerful I feel. Because you can take every phenomenal appearance, and keep it aside. Keep it aside. Keep it aside. What is left? You are still here..., as what?

Who thinks this is some la-la-land type example? And it's not really helping. You can say; you can be honest and we can look together. [Laughter]

Okay, at what stage do you leave? At what stage, do you leave?

Have you left…, when the outer appearances would stop?

Do you say ‘Put it in the basket, put it in the cart’?

Or do you say ‘They've stopped’?

Have you left because outer appearances just stopped?

Are you still here or not?

Still here.

Now, you stopped experiencing the sensations from your own body. You cannot sense that your own body is here, you cannot see it. And now no sensations are also coming from your body. So your body seems to have gone.

Are you still here or no?

Now, all emotions, feelings, sensations, also you're not feeling anything of these, they're also gone. You're still here or no? No thoughts arising also. All thoughts gone, kept aside, not appearing, thoughts also gone.

But you are still here or no?

[Silence].

In this place, there is no love, peace, joy; all are gone. But you are still here.

Now even this sense that I am, I exist, if it is gone, will That which witnesses even this, will that remain or no?

[Silence]

Now is This one not what you already are?

Do you have to become this one?

Is it effortful, to remain as this Awareness?

Have you ever been anything but this actually?

[Silence].

Can you ever become now, any of this appearance?

Can you try to become something which is just appearing?

And show me if you succeeded?

[Silence].

When all things have gone, is the awareness of them also gone?

Can there be anything without the awareness of it?

Can we truly report on the existence of that, which we are not aware of?

There must at least be an imagined idea of it, for us to be able to say that it exists. There must be at least a mental concept of it, to say that it exists without me being aware of it.

This Knowingness, this Awareness, this Seeingness... is unchanging, unborn, undying…, in front of which, made up of which, this entire phenomenal play happens. The birth of the universe, and the dissolution.

[Silence]

So if this entire universe was to be put in the basket or to be burnt, this Awareness would remain as the undying witness.

[Silence].

You are getting used to being boundary-less now, you see? Because Being is coming to the recognition of That from which it arises.

Because the Absolute is unchanging, does not have states, does not have delusion nor recognition. It is its dynamic play, the dynamic aspect called Consciousness, which is playing like this; playing as if it is forgetting what It Is, and playing as if it is remembering or recognizing what It Is. Play of Consciousness, God's play.

Presence, absence, even ultimately Awareness, unawareness, Knowing, not-knowing, none of these, ultimately, are the truest definition of the Absolute; not even the Absolute or not-Absolute. Yet, when we have to use terms in this play. Therefore terms like Awareness, or Knowingness, or the pure Witnessing, pure Seeing, are beautiful pointers to That which You Are.

Satsang is the Mirror of Your Non-phenomenal Reality

Why are we here? This has been the hottest year in Bangalore that I can remember. I've been here almost 20 years, and yet some of you are away from your nice & cool environments and you're here in this heat of Bangalore, and mostly with this air conditioning not working well. Why are we here?

Is it because we like each other's company? Is it for that? [Someone in audience says something inaudible]. For ‘garbage disposal’ services? [Laughs] Na.

Truly, why are we here? To discover who we are. Isn't it at least a little ironic to find out who we are? ‘I go there to find out who I am’. But I must already be here, even to find out who I am. How can this trick be played in this way, that to realize the Self Itself we need some pointing, we need some arrow marks back to our own Self. But Self means what? What I Am.

There are millions of people struggling for this Self-realization, to find out who they are? Isn't it at least a bit funny? Not from a judgmental place; having been there myself for many years I can say it.

So, what if we make a deal today? What if we make a deal today and say that til we find out who we are, til we come to clarity about who we are, we don't leave from here. Today's the last satsang…, ever. Not just with me, suppose today's the last satsang ever. Because one of the mind's most primal tricks is to convince you that ‘You are not there yet. You are not free yet. You haven't got it yet. You haven't seen the truth yet’. And many of us have ideas that ‘…Just that final cliff, I have to jump off. I'm just not jumping off the cliff. Can you push me off the cliff?’…, these kind of things. Why must we jump off a cliff to find out who I am? Is there an ‘I’ waiting for us to jump off and catch? Why must I need to take a single step to find out who I am? Is there an ‘I’ waiting for us at the end of that step? Or isn't it the ‘I’ which is already here? Who is this One that is already here? Who is truly here? Can we promise to look at that today?

So, let's go step by step. Is there anyone who feels like they are not here? …, that they are somewhere else and they must be found?

[Someone's young daughter on hangout raises her hand] She feels that. [Chuckles]

Q: [Inaudible]

You feel you are not here, and you must be found somewhere else. Yes? It's okay to say.

Q: [Inaudible]

You're only there [touches his head] and you're not here [touches his heart]. Then who is here? He says ‘I'm only in my head, I'm not in my heart’. Then who is it in the heart? How do you know that there is a heart in the first place? When you say you're only here [touches his head] and you're not here [touches his heart] are you implying your attention; which means ‘My attention is only in my mind, therefore I am only in my mind?’ Is that what it means?

Q: [Inaudible]

You're carried away. But what is carried away?

Q: Attention.

Attention goes…, but who is attention reporting to? Is it reporting to You? Or to somebody else? This ‘I’ to whom attention is reporting is which one?

Q: [Inaudible]

The feeling is there…, and attention goes to the feeling, then it feels like attention is here. But even then, attention is reporting back to who? Is it reporting to somebody else, that this feeling or that feeling is here? Or is it reporting to You? That you to which the attention is reporting, is it in the head or the heart…, or the legs? Does it have a location? [Silence]

That which is aware of sensations…, where is that one? [Silence]

[Chuckles] I hope none of you are meditating. It can be a distraction when you're in satsang. Because we are looking together, and just when we come to this point when we are finding out ‘Where am I?’…, something comes and says ‘This is so peaceful. I should meditate’. And some mantra might start or something. At one point, even that is a distraction. We're looking together, no? Look and see for yourself who you are. So don't waste time meditating right now. [Chuckles] She's like ‘Who says this kind of stuff?’ [Laughs] It's okay, it has its time and place, but this is not it.

Right now we just said ‘Where is the attention reporting to?’ We say ‘I notice the outer world. I notice my emotions, sensations. Attention is going to this. It's going to the mind vs. the heart (he was saying)’. This attention…, where is it reporting to? What does this one look like?

Q: It doesn't have a face.

It doesn't have a face. Very good. So, if it doesn't have a face, does it have anything else; any other attribute? Any color, shape, form?

Q: Seems to be everything and yet nothing.

Seems to be everything and yet nothing. And is it separate from you? And is there anywhere where this IS and you are not? Is there anywhere where you are, and this is not? Now, what is That one saying? What can That one be upset about?

Q: [Inaudible]

She says ‘That one doesn't talk, Father. That one is always just peaceful and relaxed’. So, no drama at all. How boring is that? [Laughter]

You say that ‘It is not separate from I’. So this is your direct seeing. Now, the one who is not like this, who is upset and involved with the things of the world; who is that one?

Q: [takes mic] Father, what was your question?

This one…, you say that ‘This one that is always here, is everything and nothing together. I find no separation between itself and I. I am everywhere it is; it is everywhere I am. This one is always too calm, too relaxed, has no stories, is not concerned about anything. Okay. Now, who is the one who IS concerned about all this?

Q: Father, it seems that this one who is concerned about everything… Yesterday there was this…, when I was coming for satsang there was this Seeing from this place of Awareness. There was a lot of grief while coming for satsang, and there was the Seeing the grief. And it was a very subtle kind of feeling that Consciousness is enjoying even that grief. And that one is not me; it's just playing; like you say.

So, is there another one?

Q: No, but there's this big one who is pretending to be this small one. There's just one; there's just the Awareness that is pretending in different forms to play, it seems.

So, can something really upset you, in reality?

Q: Father, but No, in reality…, you always say that. But when the attention goes into a belief, and grief and all that happens, then obviously there's suffering.

And Consciousness is enjoying even that?

Q: Yeah, that's true.

It's just like going for one of these tragic movies.

Q: That's true, Father. It feels like there is a subtle…, it's like a palatable enjoyment that I felt was happening.

[Laughs] Why this grief, coming to satsang? ‘Oh, I was feeling so much grief coming to satsang. I'm coming to meet Father again’.

Q: The grief was on a different subject. And it was almost sweet; that grief. Does it make sense? Or is it my mind?

Yes. No. Because it would not appear in this realm of appearances unless there was joy even in that.

Q: But… [Silence] … in a sense it's an addiction then, that grief?

Yes, it could be an addiction…, IF you could be a person. But for God nothing can really be an addiction, although this [satsang] itself is a rehab for God Himself…, run by God Himself. But pretending to be addicted, and God pretending to point the way out from this addiction.

Q: So, it's okay, that addiction, and it's okay; satsang will look after that addiction, in a sense?

Yes, we can say it like that. Because nothing can survive Satsang; the Truth. In the light of the Truth the false cannot survive. So as long as you remain in satsang with openness, then this light will take care of this which is just conditioning or false ideas.

We find many times that when you come to the realization that ‘There is nothing in satsang for ‘me’ personally’…, (some of you are here for the first time; sorry, I have to give you the bad news right in the beginning)…, that there is nothing for you personally here; you will not get anything, there is no joy, bliss, peace available to you here…, then what are we doing here? [Silence]

There is nothing available. There is only a mirror here. There's nothing I'm giving you. I only have a mirror. But this mirror …, (we can say; I'm just painting an analogy for you)…, is the only mirror which shows your non-phenomenal reality. It basically means that it shows you that you are not a thing, you are not an object. You don't exist in atoms and molecules, you don't exist in energies; although all energies and atoms and molecules are made up of You. You are That from which all of this comes. So I have this kind of mirror.

But who really wants that?

So as long as we have this sense that ‘I want something so that I can be a better person or a happier person, a peaceful person’ or something, we are going to be disappointed in satsang. Because this is not that type of satsang. Those might come, as by-products. Sometimes the by-products are frustration, grief, anger. You see? But all these by-products are also welcome.

But truly, what we are discovering our Self to be is that which is just this simple Awareness, the Witnessing of all appearances. And yet it is un-seen phenomenally.

If these words sound too difficult, too abstract…, but soon, if you hear it with openness, you will find that ‘He's speaking the most obvious things; the most obvious thing’. It's very simple: Who witnesses all that is witnessed? Who sees all that is appearing?

It's not a difficult question. The mind will get in the way; it even gets in the way by offering answers. But even the mind cannot fathom this reality. For this, we must look for ourselves.

Who witnesses my thoughts? Okay, let's do this together.

Who is the witness of the thoughts? And the witness of the space between the thoughts? Is that also coming and going?

Or it is the unmoving, unchanging witness which watches the movement of these thoughts?

[Silence]

Are you not witnessing your thoughts? Is it somebody else?

[Brief interaction where sangha replies to ‘Are you witnessing your thoughts?’]

And who witnesses that sometimes there are no thoughts; the space between thought?

Q: [Inaudible]

You do. What does this ‘I’ who is the witnesses of thoughts and the space between thoughts…, what does this one look like?

You know it is You. You already know it is You. It is only You, actually. The one sitting next to you is not the witness of your thoughts. This one who is witnessing thoughts; what does this one look like?

Even for the question ‘Who is witnessing them?’ …, is there anything personal about this Witness?

Does it have desires or needs?

[Repeats answer from sangha]: No.

Does is have guilt, frustration, pride, regret, remorse? Any of this stuff?

[Repeats answer from sangha]: No

How do you leave there?

The Losing of Thoughts is Not the Losing the Self

Q: Father, I always see that I'm trying to witness the thoughts and feelings, and then I create a mental image of somebody witnessing and something going on on the other side. Sometimes I feel like I can see those moving, like I can observe thoughts, feelings, emotions and everything. But sometimes I really get pulled to the voice which is kind of going on inside my head.., it feels like if I am the one thinking and I am the one kind of witnessing it. Still it feels like a mental image of somebody witnessing it and something is going on. So could you please help me on this? Like maybe I'm not clear in some parts or something, like I'm still identified with some thoughts about myself.

Yes, we can look at this. This is good. So firstly, when you say that ‘I try to …’

Q: Witness; like aware of my thoughts and feelings…

Actually, this is more effortless than the mind can understand, because most naturally you are aware of your thoughts. If you were not aware of them, they would not mean anything at all; they would not even appear. So you cannot be unaware of your thoughts. So, the Witnessing is already present in a very primal way. You don't have to make any effort. So what you really mean is that you're trying to get some control over your attention.

Q: Yes.

We don't have to work so hard at it. For some of you, it's very natural to withdraw your attention from thoughts, and for those, it's okay. But here, for example, even here I could not actually pull my attention away from thoughts and try to keep attention one pointed or something like this. It's very rare to have that kind of mastery over attention. That's why most are very frustrated actually with spiritual practice, because most spiritual practice is trying to control your attention; to go beyond this. And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't work, and this up and down of spiritual practice then happens.

So, just effortlessly allowing all thoughts to come and go, then you're very naturally the Witness already.

Q: So isn't it, Father, like initially it needs a little bit of practice, or it's something like…, because for me if I try to be effortless it looks like I'm trying to put effort on that.

Yes. It's like this. So, right now, if I can say ‘Just allow everything to happen’ it can seem like a little bit of effort is needed to just come to this allowing state, you see; which is fine; this much is fine.

So, if you allow everything to come and go now, (including the movement of your attention can be allowed; let attention also move everywhere), then in real time, you tell me what happens. How do you get stuck?

Q: Father, I was doing it, like, today…

No, just now, let's do it together. And in real time, tell me how and where you're getting stuck.

Q: Sure.

Just allow all thoughts to come and go. Don't serve them tea. And then allow your attention also to move about.

[Silence]

Q: Actually when I'm trying to do it with you, I don't get any thoughts actually. I'm thoughtless, completely. Even if I'm trying to get some thoughts, it looks like, I'm trying.

This is actually very natural. When we allow, in fact welcome, our thoughts, invite our thoughts in, then it seems like thought activity reduces. When we say ‘Okay, mind, Mr. mind, please bring it on. What do you have?’ then you find that it runs out of all that strong energy, mental energy.

Q: Yes. So, it's kind of like when I'm more alert, like when I'm trying something, it's more like none of the thoughts are coming up. If I'm tired, then I don't see any thoughts. It's kind of like when I'm trying ‘Let's see’ then I'm aware. Then it will come. But now it's not happening that way, Father, now.

The good news is that it's always about the Right Now. It is not about what has happened in the past or what is going to happen in the future. Freedom is always Now. We'll not be free in the past nor in the future. But in the Now, you're always free. That's why I've been saying recently that ‘The Now Is my best friend’.

But what happens is that what you recognize about yourself Right Now, you also see that this cannot change. So it's not some sort of trick where we get you into satsang and in satsang we do some magic and every thought activity.., everything reduces so that it feels like you are free; and then the minute you leave satsang then everything is gone. It can feel like that because the energetic support is going. But actually what you recognize about yourself Now, you also recognize that this is true; irrespective of what layers of thoughts come and what layers of emotions come, at the core, at the center, this is always true what you're finding out about yourself.

Q: Yes.

So, let's use the Now to come to the recognition of who you are. And then you will find that belief is not going to the thoughts as much as it was earlier.

Belief means that there is a possibility that what the thoughts could be saying is true. If there was no possibility at all, then you would not believe them. If I was to say ‘You are levitating 5 feet above the ground right now’ you would not believe it because you know there is no possibility of that. So, the same way, as you see that You are the formless One, then all this thought that is talking to you as if you were a person will start to seem more and more alien to you. And at best, you will laugh at them.

Q: So, Father, I see that earlier I used to identify with everything, whatever is going in my head, like sad, happiness, whatever. But now, it's kind of like if I see some images or if I see some voices of some other stuff, I usually can recognize it, I can easily discard them. But when there is a voice, like my voice, pretending to be.., it's very subtle, it's kind of like always with me; as if like my guidance, my guide. It's like me and myself; talking with myself, like self-talking. I usually get too much cling with that part, which is like my guide, my inner guide.

The voice of the mind has pretended to be our teacher for a very long time. And most of humanity is relying on this voice as the guide, for guidance on how to run our life. But this is not the True voice, this is not the intuitive voice. The voice of the mind is always selfish; ‘What's in it for me. How do I get freedom? How do I become a better person? How do I do the practice?’ You see? The individual sense; who is the ‘I’ being referred to as you? Where is the ‘I’ that needs freedom? Where is the ‘I’ that needs to not identify also?

Q: Yes, because I was watching your satsang about that ‘I’ and I was contemplating on myself, but I found that ‘I’ cannot be located. I found myself like…, everything is just happening by itself, like my breathing, like my heart beat, like my… But my person in total? I didn't find that one. Because it's kind of like building blocks together and making a person actually. It's nothing. There is a kind of a different person doing everything but I felt like if I've joined like parts and parts together, and there is no such thing as myself. I could not find myself …, then I felt like I'm headless and I'm just walking like something; even if I was driving, or I was walking, I was feeling like as if I'm floating somewhere; like I can't anymore identify myself with the body anymore. But something still inside the head; like the ‘I’ was pretending my voice, (like ‘you should not’ and ‘how come you…’) I easily get so much hypnotized. Like then I say ‘If I discard this one, there where is myself? I mean, I'm lost completely’. Where is it? I'm not my body…

Yes, even this…, that if I lose my mind that I will lose myself is also the thought from the mind itself. But you see…, you also say yourself that ‘No thought is coming’ but You are still here. So you haven't lost yourself. Just by losing of the thoughts is not the losing of the Self. It is the mind which tries to create this fear in you. You see?

So what has happened is that we're used to relying on this one teacher inside our head seemingly. Then when we come to satsang, for many of us it seems like ‘No, the voice in my head is not the true teacher. It is the voice that I am hearing Now, the intuitive Presence, the voice of my own Heart; this must be my true teacher. And for a while it seems like there is a tussle between the two teachers.

The Knowingness is Present, is Self-Aware

From the beginning of when the satsang started here, I have not really retained anything much which is being shared, in the sense that if you asked me when the satsang gets over 'Can you do a re-cap and tell me what all the main points were of what you shared?' I find myself unable to do that. I don't have any memory of this. You see? So I will rest in Guruji's [Mooji's] words where he says that 'This whole process of satsang is to by-pass all of this mind and memory, and truly is Consciousness having a monologue with Consciousness'. You See?

So nothing needs to be remembered from here. Whatever is needed to be done while you are here is happening on its own. And I know that while you're here, you are checking, you're looking for yourselves. So I don't find that you're just mentally listening to just concepts to yourself, which is very good. So, I have to say nothing more needs to be done. But if you feel like reading from Nisargadatta Maharaj from Sri Ranjit Maharaj from Siddharameshwar Maharaj; nothing, nothing is wrong with that. It's very beautiful. It won't take away anything from what you're seeing for yourself. There's no trouble with any of that if you're drawn to reading from that, if you want to hear/read from that; no trouble. It's good.

Q: The only thing is that they go deeper into each layer. You know, the gross body, the subtle body, causal body and all that stuff; which body from the 'I Am is arising' and all that stuff. The thing is that the teachings of Maharshi Ramana is very simple, it's very simple and no hassles, no burden, nothing. While there is a tendency to go deeper and it is coming from the mind itself. The mind itself it is coming from; because it wants to grasp more and more, and it's a kind of a ‘Neti-neti’ [not-this] also. You read something, you acquire something and then you discard something: 'I'm not this, I'm not this and I'm not this'. Because knowledge is coming from ignorance, and ignorance does not exist. So the knowledge also does not exist; you are beyond both. So finally you will say 'Neti, Neti, Neti, I have acquired this knowledge but this knowledge I am not'.

Yes

Q: So, if you say 'It is fine to read' then I will read. Anyway I will not retain anything; it will be a good fun time-pass.

[Both Laugh]

If it feels light, if it feels joyful, if it feels peaceful; because you said 'I feel drawn to read them'. Now when I heard 'Drawn' I felt like you are saying like this 'That it gives me a lot of peace, joy to read these things, it feels good to read it'. But if you feel like it's adding to some mental burden or it just becomes an intellectual exercise, then no need to read. You see?

Q: Okay, Okay.

You see, you have that much discretion now. You are able to tell the difference between these two things, so I'll trust you on that. If you feel drawn naturally, intuitively, to read these things there's nothing wrong with that, but you don't have to make work out of it. It's not to be mental. No need to add any burden to yourself.

Q: Yes, I think that I will not read them, because it is more, you know, coming from the mind. That pulling is also from mind itself. 'No, no, no, you still have to read, you still have to grasp, get clarification'…, all that stuff is coming. If I just be my natural state then I don't need anything like that.

Yes. You don't need anything else.

Q: Yes. Bhagwan, [He calls Ananta Bhagwan], the reason actually I got pulled to these books are that I am still trying to find something, you know? The mind is still trying to find something beyond the Awareness.

[Both laugh]

It is not satisfied actually at the Awareness because when you say 'I am Awareness', the mind says 'There is no I, and there is no 'Am'. And anyway, you're transcended so how can you be ‘I Am Awareness'? But that is a way of the expression? Of course, otherwise then how do you express?

Yes.

Q: So the mind is still trying to figure out 'Is there something there?'

Actually what is happening also in the Sangha is that we are going through this beautiful phase of contemplating this together, you see? Where it seems like some of us are saying 'How can you say there's a Knowing? There is no Knowing, Nothing Is'. And I am saying that 'Even to know that there is Nothing, there is this Knowing'

So we are having this collective contemplation, (which I am very open to having actually), and we are looking together at this because we are exploring all these ideas about Knowing, about Being about True Awareness, Knowingness. What is it that we really mean by these terms is being checked from our direct experience now, you see? So I for one am enjoying these contemplations very much and I am very open to them.

So we are having a lot of fun with this, just to look at this. Because actually now if you are to look at both the points of view, you will find that one point of view is there is nothing at all, not even Awareness. There is nothing, everything comes from this Nothing. You see?

So then we have to look at this 'There is nothing at all' and say 'Do I know this from direct experience that there is this nothing? Is it my insight? Or is it only mentally that I am saying there is nothing at all?' You see? So what I am finding from here, (and I have to only speak that), is that 'This that is here, as my most original, is this 'no-thing' which is not an appearance..., and yet there is a Knowing if it. This Knowingness itself I Am, prior to I Am.

So don't get confused with that; we've crossed that. ‘I Am’ comes later that much is obvious to most of us now.

So this Knowingness which is non phenomenal, not an appearance, which is no-thing, is what remains. You see?

Therefore the only point of distinction then left is that to say that this no-thing is unaware. But there must be Awareness to know that there is such a no-thing. That is where the contemplation is happening actually.

You see? So for me it seems just mental to just say 'Oh, but there is nothing, I just know this'. You see? But we are not even saying 'I know this'. We are saying 'It's nothing. But I don't know this'. [Laughs] I don't know what we are saying actually.

So when we say that there is nothing it automatically implies that 'I know there is there is nothing. I am aware of it that there is nothing’. You see? So even this no-thing is aware of itself being no-thing. You see?

So the only trouble with this ‘Prior to Awareness’ business is that it's very attractive to the mind. And I've been saying that something just wants to hold onto this because we feel like 'Oh, this is the ultimate Truth I can get to'. You see? It's very attractive. 'Yes, I found That, which is prior even to Awareness'. But then did you really find or are you imagining it?

The real finding would mean that 'I Know This which is prior to Awareness'. But this Knowingness Itself IS Awareness. So how did you go prior to Awareness?

I don't know if any of this is making sense to any of you but I feel that for some of us who are contemplating this, this can be useful to look at.

To be able to say anything at all, (like I told Anil ji also on Facebook), to be able to report anything at all…, when we are reporting with integrity, I must know it from this Awareness of it, a direct experience of it. Or…, I must know it as a mental concept. In either of those two, the Knowingness is unavoidable, you see? We cannot deny the existence of this Knowingness.

At least this is the way I see it. And I'm open to continuing this conversation and to look together; and say 'How can we say anything at all, including that there is nothing, without Knowing it? Then we are just making up stuff by the way.

I'm just saying that 'Tell me how we can say something without the Knowing of it? We must be Knowing that there is to say that there is nothing. Therefore the Knowingness was present, along with the nothing. Therefor the nothing itself must be Self-knowing, must be Self-aware. You see? So this Awareness is present…, which I find is undeniable at this point.

But those of you who are contemplating this can listen to this stuff again. For those of you who this is making no sense, just forget about it.

But I enjoy very much, because for me, it is not like I am being attacked or something like this. I can see that it can seem like that, that ‘Some Sangha members are saying exactly the opposite of what you're saying’. But even in this I am not feeling a sense of attack, (at least not yet). Because I am able to see that it is coming from this sense of experiencing this to be true. Nobody is just saying things just to say them. There is this sense that ‘I know this to be true’ and that is why it is being said; and that is what I am also saying…, that there is a Knowing of this to be the Truth:

This Knowingness itself is Awareness.

The End of Suffering is Often the Motivation for Coming to Satsang

Q: Father, I think here it is still a ‘someone’ trying to get something…, an end to suffering. Because I noticed recently there was expectational love not devotional love. And also the feeling is more to end suffering, not motivated by finding out who I am. Felt to expose this, Father. Actually, no; still just the belief that the someone exists.

If we can say that there is some motivation in the beginning of this spiritual search for self-discovery, the most common motivation is this one…, ‘I don't want to suffer anymore’. Most spiritual paths are full of practices and concepts and teachings which help us come to the end of suffering. In satsangs like these, they've come to this directness where we can say that the root of suffering, the cause of suffering, is only the belief in an idea about myself. And how do we give this belief to ideas about ourself? By believing our thoughts.

No idea about myself is really about my Self; not about my true Self. All ideas are about this personal identity. So anytime we pick up an idea about ourself we are picking up some personal identity because all ideas are personal. Even the idea that ‘I still only want freedom from suffering, and not Self-discovery’ is an idea about who? It's about an entity, a seeming-entity which does not exist.

So you say that ‘Here it is still a someone trying to get something’ and what you mean is that you are believing in the existence of this ‘someone’…, which you yourself said is just a belief that this ‘someone’ exists. But there is nobody like this. There is nobody called ‘Shivani’. There is nobody called ‘Ananta’ in reality. And we've looked and we've looked and we've looked for this somebody and we've found that it does not exist. So how can this no-existent nobody come to the end of suffering? Because suffering is only the idea, the belief, that this nobody actually can come into existence.

And as long as we buy into the existence of this ‘somebody’ then it is bound to come with some expectations. What should this somebody's life be like? What should he or she have in their life? What should not come, what should come? The belief in my existence as a ‘somebody’ is the root of all suffering. And we've checked so often now, we know this. And we are finding ourself to be this nameless, formless One.

So, upon looking, we don't find this one which wants something or doesn't want something. And we find our Self to be this nameless, formless One. Every day, this is what we find. Because we see that all appearances are appearing to That One which is nameless and formless; just the Awareness Itself.

This is the comedy of life. We never find the one that we always presume ourself to be. And the One that we truly find every time we check, we are in constant denial of That. Never find the person. If I tell any of you ‘Let's find the person’…, looking, looking; it's so much hard work and you still don't find. And yet that gets allegiance. And That which we do find…, we look at all that is appearing, we find that ‘I-Am-Here-as-Awareness-Itself’ which is untouched by any appearance, This we want to deny because there is so much belief in the identity.

So, satsang is where we come to break this belief in the false identity. And we've become so used to just mental confirmation that even after checking this and finding no person here, and finding only this Awareness as what You truly are, the mind will come and say ‘Oh, but I still don't know if this is true or not for me. I still don't know if I'm there yet. Am I really seeing this to be true?’

Yes! This is Your experience, whether the mind confirms it or not; You are primal Witnessing of all appearance, there is nothing that anyone can do about this fact. It is the truth. It is reality.

Q: Father, it was just when you said earlier about the two reasons for being here in satsang is usually the devotion, or the wanting to know who am I…, it felt that neither of those felt to be the reason.

But I know that both of these are true for you. So, don't buy this story.

Q: It feels more there is an underlying annoyance of a feeling of suffering which feels like the motivation.

Yes, yes. This actually also we can add to the valid reasons to be in satsang; that we want to come to the end of suffering. And once we want to come to the end of suffering, then that activates the urge for Self-discovery…, to be free from that. And as long as we're not buying an idea about ourself, we are already free from that.

The end of suffering is always Right Now. As long as we are buying some idea about the future, it is not the end of suffering. The end of future suffering is not what we are talking about. Right now it is impossible for you to suffer unless you believe a thought about yourself.

Do we see this to be true? Or no? Right now, unless we pick up an idea, we cannot suffer. Even if the body is in pain, you cannot suffer. And nobody can force you to pick up an idea. Nobody can force you. You see? It's just that there seems to be some sort of addiction to ideas and that's why we come satsang to withdraw away from these ideas. And in this kind of withdrawal, you can have all kind of symptoms initially and say ‘I can't live without these ideas of myself. What will happen to me in the future? You're not telling me how my life is going to be. There's so much fear here’. All of these are the words of addiction.

Once you're free from this habit of consuming thoughts, then you find there is nobody here that can be hurt by any appearance in this Universe. Even by the end of the Universe, You cannot be hurt.

[Silence]

The end of suffering is not personal. It is the end of the person identity which is the end of suffering. So, the end of suffering is not a personal gift. It cannot be received personally. It cannot be given personally. It can only be pointed to.

How Will A Thought Touch The Witnessing?

Q: Hello, Father.

Hello.

Q: Yes.

Quick. That was quick. Come, come, come. That's good.

Q: Father I suffer from mood disorder as I told you earlier, so I don't feel like going out. I don't feel like meeting people and I don't like to do anything basically. So is this is a sign of spiritual evolution or is it depression?

Is there an urge to find the Truth about yourself?

Q: Of course there is, Father, yes.

Or is there a sense of just devotional love arising for the unknown? Or even for some form of a love with no need and no expectations? If either of these are there, or both of these are there, then you can say that you are already on this journey of finding out who you are.

So you don't have to necessarily correlate it with loss of interest in the outside world or social interaction, although it is very often found that this is the case. The true test is if there is this urge for Self-discovery, or there is this finding of this devotion…, either to the formless existence or even to some particular forms that you might call God or Krishna or Ram or something like this, see.

So you said already that 'Of course there is; of course there is this urge for Self-discovery'. Then, then I'm very confident that you're at the right place. We can find the Self very directly by coming to Satsang.

Now when you inquire what is it you find about yourself?

Q: But Father until the time I see the truth, I realize the truth, it will just be an idea for me.

Okay this is not bad actually; everything I can say 'Is just a product of the mind until I come to the realization of the Truth'. Okay. So who is the witness to the mind? Is that also the mind?

[Silence]

Because when the mind itself comes and says 'But everything is coming from the mind'…, then who sees these thoughts? And the mind is nothing but a bundle of thoughts and similar energies. Who perceives these thoughts? Is that something which is coming and going? Like the mind, like thoughts…, is that which witnesses thoughts also coming and going?

[Silence]

So whether there are thoughts or no thoughts does that mean there is no ‘you’ on the basis of there being a thought or no thought? Do you vanish when the thought vanishes?

Q: Father, where does the 'I' go in sleep?

First we stay here. First we started one inquiry. Let's finish that. I will promise I will tell you that afterwards.

Q: Okay.

So right now we were just looking and we were saying that you said 'Everything I say comes from the mind'. So I say, let's use that. Instead of running away from it, let's use it.

How is the mind experienced? As a thought.

So when the thought comes, that is witnessed. Then the thought goes, that is also witnessed.

So does the Witness also go away with the going away of the thought? Or are you still here, as the Witness?

Q: Yes, the Witness is always there.

The Witness is already here. Now same thing can be said about everything needed; outside appearances, inside...,

[Broadcast interrupted]

So just like this appearance changed, one second Hangout, one second no Hangout; one second all of you, next second all empty, you see? And yet I was here. You see? So at what point do I go? ..., when what is taken away…, for me to be taken away. You see? So that is what we are exploring; for That which is the Truth, That which is eternal, which is the unborn, undying one. That is what we are looking for.

So let's see what is it that can be taken away and yet 'I' still remain. So we already saw that outside appearances, whether they are present or not, I am still here. Then we had experiences where there is no sense of the body, see. Actually we are so obsessed with this sense of body consciousness that we don't realize that we have become aware of the body only when there is a sensation in the body that pulls us in. Otherwise we don't feel we are the body. If someone comes and pulls your ears now then you'll become aware of your ear; before that you were not aware of your ear. So the body also can be can ‘go away’, and yet 'I' remain.

All thoughts are coming and going anyway, I am still here.

Emotions also coming and going, I am still here.

So this 'I' which remains irrespective of that which is appearing and disappearing; this is the 'I' that we are discovering. But isn't it already here? Aren't you already that?

[Silence]

Is there any effort in this? Is it difficult?

Q: Sometimes, Sir, Father, the thoughts are so powerful that they make it really difficult to see.

Yes but right now, right now. It's all about the now actually. 'That which is seen, I am witnessing, therefore I am not that which is seen'.

For now we can work with this simple concept. So what is seen? The outside world is seen and our thoughts and emotions are all perceived, all seen. But you are still here as the Witness of them, isn't it?

[Silence]

Is this Witness more authentic, more original, more intimate to what you are? Or are these appearances more intimate to what you are?

[Silence]

What's happening now?

Q: Witnessing.

Say again?

Q: Witnessing.

Witnessing, yes. Now what can trouble this Witnessing?

Q: Father, sometimes there is so much of molestation by the thoughts.

How will a thought molest the Witnessing? Which thought can come now which can actually molest the Witnessing itself?

Q: There are some uncomfortable sensations arising in the body

And?

Q: There's a Witnessing of them.

Q: There's a Witnessing of them, but is this Witnessing effected by any of them?

Q: Sorry, I didn't get you.

There is a Witnessing OF them, but is the Witnessing effected or touched by any of them?

[Silence]

We can check right now and see; don't go into any projections. Right now you say 'Some strong sensations are arising'. We can check now. Does this sense of discomfort…, is it happening to the Witnessing?

Q: No, it's happening to the body.

The body is experienced as some sensations, isn't it?

Q: Yes.

Who is suffering from these sensations? Is the Witnessing also suffering?

[Silence]

Q: This is very subtle.

Uh?

Q: This is very subtle.

Subtle? It will become very, very obvious actually.

[Silence]

And you will find that actually nothing can make this Witnessing suffer. So anytime I say that 'I am suffering' what are we actually saying? 'That I am something other than This'. But you cannot be anything other than This. Anytime we say 'Something is happening to me' we are referring to our self as that which does not exist.

[Silence]

And this checking that 'I remain untouched, through all of this play of appearances' is a beautiful checking, even for the Sages. So if something is resisting this checking then notice where the resistance is coming from.

[Silence]

You are coming to the discovery that you cannot be harmed, you cannot be attacked, and you need no defenses. And as you discover this, you're open, less resistive, a free flow, away from ideas of 'this must happen and this just not happen, it must only be this way, not another way, why could..., why is this happening to me?'

And you see that as I remain as the untouched Witnessing (no matter how strong the appearance is) then our life becomes an expression of this Freedom.

Okay, my dear, you contemplate this.

Fear of the Silence

Q: Anantaji, may I come?

Come, my dear.

Q: In the exploration, I am with the sense of silence. And there is something that wonders if this is Awareness or if there is something being suppressed. So I wanted to ask.

Let's go through it together. In the contemplation you say that ‘There was an experiencing of silence’. This silence means that there were no words there, or there was no appearance there now. What is the meaning of this silence?

Q: There is no thoughts and it's quiet. It's extremely…, it's really, really quiet.

It's extremely quiet.

Q: It's really quiet. And there is something that gets scared at this point; in this quiet. And I feel it right now in my heart, like ‘Ahhh, help!’ Like something is going help. [Chuckles] It's too quiet. ‘Help, it's too quiet’.

Before there was quiet, there was a sense of noise in relation to the quietness, it was noisier. You were aware of this noise and then you were aware of this quiet, very quiet. You see? And then you were aware of the appearance of this fear that came along with the message ‘Oh, it's very quiet. This is scary’.

Now what happened to this Awareness in all 3 of these states? Did it change in anyway?

Q: No. But the fear is really strong right now. Right in this now. It is like ‘Aaah’. And yes, it is observable. The fear is witnessed.

So this fear must be allowed to be released right now. Don't try to control it. Even if you have to scream, it's okay. So don't worry about it.

Q: Well it's almost 11.30 pm here in California so I might have to scream into my pillow so I don't scare my neighbors.

That's okay, that's not a problem here sometimes. [Laughter]

Q: It's very scary. Something's there; this energy in my heart chakra that is ‘Aaahhh, this is very scary’.

So let this fear get released in this way. It's very good actually. Don't resist anything at all.

Don't try to push it away. Don't try to hide or run away from it. Don't say that it's good or bad; anything at all.

Q: There is this shaking…, like I am shaking. It's very scary. Something there…, it's just, just, this energy in my heart…, ooh…, scary, scary. And I am seeing it.

Yes, yes. You are Aware.

Q: I am Aware of it…, and there is something that wants to cry. It feels like a little girl is inside of me jumping up and down and screaming and crying like ‘I am scared, I am scared, I am scared’.

Yes, yes. Let her be, let her be. Let her jump about as much as she likes.

Q: And she is the one saying ‘Help, help! She is saying ‘Daddy, help! I am scared’.

We have time. There is no rush. Let all of this flow through you. Don't resist anything at all. The dropping of prior conditioning is not always pretty, pretty and sweet flavored, chocolate flavored.

Q: I know and I was thinking ‘Ooh, great, this is recorded…, shoot’. But it's scary. I am just feeling scared. I have hit this place before, I have hit a wall before.

There is no wall. There is no wall. Fear is here. Fear is here and you are Aware of the fear already. This Awareness is untouched by this fear. So there is nowhere to go.

Q: There is nowhere to go.

Not hitting a wall. It is just allowing things to happen and to see that ‘I remain untouched even in this fear’. It could be just a part of you which is untouched. But actually that is the whole, within which is this small part of the appearance called fear which is just jumping about. Even if it feels a part of you which remains untouched, you see that ‘This is where I am, this is the truth of who I am. This untouched Witnessing of even this’. And this one is not meant to control any appearance; it is not saying good or bad to any of them.

Q: I don't even know why I am crying.

This is very good. There is nothing wrong with crying. Nothing is wrong with crying.

Q: I know. I tell my clients that all the time. I told them that all day today and now here I am crying. [Tears and Laughter] It's kind of funny. There is such sadness.

There is nowhere to go. Where I am there is nowhere to go. I can't run anymore. There is nowhere to go. The silence is scaring me to death. I feel the silence. It's very….

The silence is not scaring ‘you’ to death. It is scary for the one that never existed. It is scared of this disillusion of the false identity.

Q: You know, there was a disillusion I started to feel a couple of weeks ago at a restaurant. And I was like ‘Whoa, I can't do that’. And here I am. This is the fear. I wish I could put my head in your lap.

I am here. I am here.

Q: Crying. I don't even know why I am crying.

You don't have to know anything at all.

Q: I don't know anything at all. I don't even know what day it is. I see people smiling and laughing …, I don't know why. It's so tangible this silence. I am afraid I am suppressing something because it is so silent.

But the silence can never harm you. If there was something that wanted to attack you it would not be this silence.

Q: That would be pretty noisy if it wanted to attack me.

Exactly, it is the noisy one that is being attacked or dissolved.

Q: Oh, the noisy one. There is a really noisy one here. She has been here a long time, a long time. [Silence] Now what? What do I do? Help, help, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do here.

See this one wants to engage in some way, it wants to break the silence in some way. But as long as you keep coming to satsang you will find the silence is inescapable.

Q: You know what, the very first time I ever saw you, it was after Rishikesh and somebody had posted on the Mooji Sangha Facebook group about the silent retreat. I had never heard about you, and I thought, I said ‘You know, what the heck’…, because I was still in the Rishikesh mood. I went to your first Silent Retreat, you know, the first night. (Well, it was night for me; it was your Saturday morning, my Friday night).

And first of all, you are sitting in this chair just relaxing. I was like ‘Who is this guy?’ first of all, ‘Just chilling out’. I am used to Mooji being like ‘Waaaahhh’ [Full Power] …, and you were just chilling out.

And then the second thing was I could not understand a word you were saying, and I was like ‘Oh my God, I have to study his India accent’. To me this Indian accent…, aaah…, I couldn't understand you. You know? I know a lot of Indian people, there are a lot of Indian people around here, but I could understand you at all.

And the third thing was the Silence, the silence scared me. I was like ‘Oh my God, it's so silent’. I could not bear it, I couldn't stand it the first night, so I shut it down.

And I went to some of your videos so I could start to understand how you spoke. And I came back the next day and it was like ‘Ahhh! I can't stand the silence’. More silence than anything I have ever experienced, even with Mooji; hard to believe.

And then by the third night or so I fell in love with you. So…, [Laughter] And then it was okay, the silence was okay. I think I could deal with this. It was just like I had to train my ear how to understand you. I don't know what my problem was before.

It was the silence that drew me to you. First it scared me to death and then it was ‘Okay, I am hooked’.

As soon as I stop talking, in this minute there is some silence. How do I be silent and then talk at the same time. Is it possible?

Once you get used to the silence then all talking can come from there. It doesn't break any silence, you see. This talking, which is only the intuitive Presence which is speaking, is not in any opposition to any silence.

Q: I was thinking today when I was at work…, I had many clients today, they were very noisy and I was trying to be silent. I was trying to be quiet in my head and just be there and I was thinking ‘How am I going to be silent with all these really noisy persons?’ How do you do it? How do you do it? I mean, I am asking you ‘How do you do this, Anantaji?’ Apparently you are silent and there are a lot of us noisy ones. [Laughter]

All of this comes on its own very naturally with the recognition of the Self and the allowing of this simple Presence to unfold in its own way. When there is no sense of control, when there is no sense of even how silent or noisy it must be, when all of this is left to Grace, then there is no trouble in any of this actually.

Q: I read a quote today about…, a Rumi quote. Someone asked Rumi ‘Rumi you speak so often about silence and yet you speak all the time’. And he said, (I am paraphrasing)…, and he said ‘The silent one has never spoken’. Something like that.

Very beautiful.

Q: Thank you for your Presence. I love you very much.

Thank you my dear. I love you, too.

I know very much first-hand how this can seem fearful, this silence. Some of you know this story, one day actually, (or at least sometime before I met Guruji), it happened one day that I resolved not to leave the self-inquiry until I discover the Self. Because Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] had said ‘You do the Self-inquiry and you will find the self, and don't leave it until you do’. One day I said ‘I will do it! I don't care what happens’.

And I sat down: ‘Who Am I?’ and just a very beautiful Self-inquiry. Thoughts came: ’Who?’ Everything that came: ‘Who is the witness of these?’

And after a while everything became so silent. Just quiet. And there was a sense that a long time had passed in this silence. And I could sense that some fear, like you say, started to come. And the message that it told me was…, this fear started to say ‘Stop this now. I will give you a good life’. ‘Stop this now, I will give you a good life’. [Laughter]

And then the double, the combo punch was it said ‘Deal!’ You see? So the mind itself said ‘Stop, I will give you a good life’ and itself said ‘Deal!’ And it got scared and got out of the inquiry.

And there was so much guilt. ‘See? Now you were discovering the Self, everything became so quiet and yet you made the deal with the devil; got sold to the devil’. This kind of stuff, this nonsense started coming. Yet the offer and the acceptance of the offer were both the mind. I was still only the witness of it.

So that is why the Presence of a living Master is so beautiful in our life, because all this nonsense is not picked up, all this play can be discarded very easily.

So then it became clear that all of the mind tricks can be very tricky actually. And it uses all fear, every appearance possible to convince you, to bring you back into your personal identity. It can even use Advaita, it can even use knowledge questions.

Q: How does it do that?

Just by giving you these deals; it gives you these deals in the mind. ‘Okay, now this a good opportunity to ask this question’. Or just distracts you away from this sense of dissolution; just gives you some new lollipop. You know?

Q: Thank you, thank you for doing this.

Welcome, so welcome, my dear.

Q: Thank you for your energy and devotion. So very much appreciate this.

You Just Are

If God is…, then there cannot be an ‘I’ which is separate from God.

So those ideas that ‘Oh, there is a God somewhere’ and sometimes there is the idea that ‘There is God everywhere; except me’…., and ‘God is running my life’ or ‘God is doing this to me, or something to me; good or bad’. Already we create a dichotomy where there isn't any.

So, if there is a sense that ‘God is’ then is it a worthless, powerless God that we believe in? Half-hearted God, half-powerful, or ‘He needs our help’. It's a very popular concept, actually. God is doing everything but he needs your help. It's the most arrogant thing maybe that we can say.

So either we see that ‘God is’ and therefore everything is His problem; everything. Or we forget about God. This ‘50% God, 50% me’..., this is what gets us in to trouble. And if you don't have this sense of surrender, that ‘All That Is, is God’ then no need to force it. I'm not trying to make anyone guilty here. What I'm saying is if that you have this sense that you don't have this sense that ‘God is all there is’ then forget about God. Find out who You are.

And according to Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi these are the only two way to come to the Self-realization or the direct experience of who You really are. So if there is a sense that there is God, then let everything be God's. And if you don't have this sense, then find out who You are. This is the meaning of surrender or Self-inquiry.

But if we have this idea that ‘Oh, there is a God, but when will ‘I’ come to the truth? What is happening in ‘my’ life?’…, then it is not worth it. You see? What is the point of there being a God if [inaudible] your life and your freedom. If there is still ‘God and you’ then what kind of God is that? And when I ask you ‘So what is God?’ [you say] ‘He is everywhere. He is everywhere, He is all encompassing, all powerful, all pervasive’. And where are you? If God is everywhere, then where are you?

Any sense or any idea of separation that we might have is false. No separation can ever happen. If there is a God and there is a ‘you’ then know that it is just an idea that we are picking up. It is not our experience. Our experience here is that God IS; God is Here. That which IS is God, or Consciousness. The Being is Consciousness.

If we remove ideas about what God should be like, then right now you can experience what God IS like. In fact, we are only experiencing God.

So, we can say ‘I Am’ or ‘I exist’…, even that is not original to what I Am, and therefore is ultimately false. This can come from the recognition that ‘I Am-ness’ Itself is having; because Awareness needs to make no proclamations. You see? These concepts of true or false do not apply to Awareness because it is not [inaudible] reality. So if there is a reporting of what is true and what is false, then we are already operating in the relative realm. Already the experiencing is in the relative realm; to say something is true or false in the manifest creation. So it is true that from the Ultimate perspective, even ‘I Am’ is not true. And yet, in the relative perspective, all that we can say is true is that ‘I Am’.

So, Who is this ‘I Am’?

Some of you have come to the realization that even this ‘I Am’ is appearing to That which I Truly Am. But I can say that this is not true for most. Therefore it is important to look at this. Is there anything apart from this ‘I Am-ness’ here in this realm? Is there anything outside of Your Being?

[Silence]

Can Being stop existing right now?

Can you stop being right now?

This is not theory, by the way; this is not theory. When I say ‘Can you stop being?’ don't think about it. Try it.

Try to stop being. Switch it off.

Is there ever a world without this Being?

Is there any appearance which is not experienced by this Being?

... which is outside of This?

[Silence]

We have mistakenly taken the boundaries…, the sensations of the boundaries of this body to be the boundary of this Being. We have mistakenly taken the sensations which suggest the boundary of this body to be the boundary of our Being. But the body is another set of sensations experienced within this Being.

Everything which is experienced in this manifest universe is only experienced within our Being.

One Being.

[Silence]

Even the idea of space and time are within this Being.

[Silence]

In asking you ‘Can you stop being?’ I am introducing You to Your own Presence.

[Silence]

There is no need to visualize anything, to create anything, to believe anything.

[Silence]

Notice how everything is just an experience for Your Being, just an appearance within Your Being…, the sound of the fan, the temperature of the room; all of these are experienced within You. It does not exist outside of You. Even the imagination of what is seemingly-outside is experienced within You. It has no existence prior to That. The entire universe is resting in Your Being.

[Silence]

Check now and see if anything is outside of You.

[Silence]

Is there anyone here, anything here, besides This Presence, This Being?

[Silence]

Notice how everything is just happening on its own, within this Being. There is nobody here controlling anything at all.

[Silence]

Check and see if there is a separate entity here which has your name.

Don't visualize anything at all; check really.

Try to find the one who wants freedom.

[Silence]

Check if you can find anyone who has any wants or desires, any needs or aversions.

[Silence]

See how everything that we call the events in our life are nothing but energetic movements within Your own Being.

[Silence]

See how there is nobody suffering from any appearance which is appearing.

[Silence]

Come to terms with Your own vastness.

[Long Silence]

Now when the mind comes and says that ‘something is happening’ to You, notice that it's all a joke, because nothing can happen to this Infinite Being; and yet all is experienced within This Being.

[Silence]

And when the mind comes and says ‘You must do something, or not do something’…, check that you cannot find the doer, and yet everything is appearing and disappearing in the light of Your own existence.

[Silence]

You are not a good person or bad person, or spiritual person, or a man or a woman, or a seeker of freedom; you're not a husband or wife or partner. You don't need pieces of paper or plastic or metal for Your existence.

You Just Are.

[Silence]

You don't rely on anything in the Universe. It is the Universe which rests in You.

[Silence]

Drop all concepts, all ideas.

The Truth is Here Now.

You don't need to remember anything at all;

No need for any belief.

[Silence]

The ego is just a belief.

The person is just a belief or a set of beliefs.

[Silence]

What is present is Consciousness, is Your Being.

[Silence]

And even the denial of Consciousness or not…, can only happen within the Being.

[Silence]

You are aware of This Being.

[Silence]

This Awareness is untouched, even by Being.

[Silence]

And even the Beingness in which the entire universe takes birth is only an aspect of what You Truly Are…, This Eternal, Un-nameable, Unchanging Awareness.

[Silence]

You are aware now. Only Awareness is aware.

[Silence]

Only Awareness Is.

[Very long silence]

And as we gradually bring our attention back into the world, don't be so quick to go with what the mind is saying about you. Know that it is speaking about the non-existent one. And in simple checking, You have found Yourself to be This Being…, and ultimately That which is aware even of This Being.

[Silence]

Whatever the mind might say does not apply to This Awareness.

[Silence]

Don't pick up anything from the past. Let it go. It might call you and say ‘I'm very important. Take me’. But you let it go. Because it is not for You. It is only an idea.

[Silence]

Remain without ideas and concepts.

Know nothing at all.

[Silence]

Don't even try to know anything now. All mental conceptual knowledge is worthless to You now.

[Silence]

Only True Knowingness remains…, as YourSelf.

[Silence]

This Supreme Intelligence does not need the support of your mind.

[Silence]

You always have been, and remain, This Awareness, This One.

[Silence]

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti

[Silence]

.

.

.

Now, whatever the mind is selling you, don't buy it. If it is saying ‘something happened’ or ‘nothing happened’…, don't buy it.

[Very long silence]

Don't run from this silence. Embrace it if you can.

One of the Subtlest Tricks of the Ego

Radha was saying just before satsang started that suddenly some sadness was coming and saying ‘How can you be happy? The ego is back’. ‘The ego is back’ means what? It's just another thought.

Q: Just getting clearer, like before there was never any ego. I don't know, like, it feels…, like there's a lot more thoughts than probably a few months back. But the ego is never there as such; never, ever there. But it's trying to give me that ‘You are attaching more to thoughts’ or …

So, let's start with not attaching to this thought.

Q: I don't know exactly what I have to say. I could be in the mind for quite a while, and it feels like something wants to be there; and it's not nice. But…, I don't know what's going on.

So because the ego never existed…

Q: It's never there. It's never there.

It's never there.

Q: But sometimes I feel I'm identifying from operating from a thought, and it's happening…

Okay, let's look at this together. What's the ego? The ego is having the sense of a personal existence. And the sense of having a personal existence is not possible without buying into a thought or a concept of myself. But even when the concept is bought doesn't mean that the ego actually comes into existence.

Q: It's very clear.

It's very clear. Good. So, just because I'm believing myself to be a cat, does that make me a cat? Now, if belief comes back to all cat thoughts, can you actually become a cat? No. You see? So it is mind itself saying, thoughts themselves saying ‘What are you so happy about? You're a cat again’. You see, that's not possible.

Q: I see that's not possible. I see that I don't like…, there's this ‘I’ that doesn't like being identified.

Okay, so which ‘I’ is that?

Q: That's what I've been trying to find, Father, because this one I cannot really find. But there is a big problem identifying with the one that doesn't like behaving from the ego; itself is kind of getting into a loop. You see what I'm saying? The person that doesn't want the person. I'm not able to get out of that.

You're out of it ! Now, you're out of it. Now, you're out of it. Now. … [Laughs]

Q: Then I keep checking ‘Now, now, now’ but it becomes like non-stop all throughout the day. It's not natural. I'm not complaining. This is what I see, Father. Then there are moment when I, like you say, check with integrity and I see that nobody else is here. And I see that all this Heart wants is to be in Truth, to live as Truth. And then when I'm about running through the day, it's like again the whole burden of ‘Oh, you're identifying’…, this identity comes back. But it's very clear I don't want to identify. Who does the identity belong to?

Q: Whom does any identity belong to?

Yes. You say ‘I don't want to identify, and I'm not happy that belief is going back to thoughts. And there's so many more thoughts here now. I don't like it’. So, the one that can get identified is which one?

Q: Just me, just really me.

Which one is that?

Q: Just the one that's here. I can't say what it is.

Is it the same one where you say ‘I run about the whole day like this’?

Q: No, it's not the same one. The one that runs throughout the day feels so constricted because it's so scared that it's going to believe thoughts.

Okay. Is there one who is scared? Who is the one who feels scared of thoughts?

Q: [Long silence]

Does the one that has the power of belief…..

Q: This one I don't like.

Which one? This question you don't like? Or you don't like the one who has the power of belief?

Q: [Laughing] The question.

The question. Good. Because to not like God might not be a great idea. [Laughs]

Nothing is happening. There is one who has the power of belief. Is there another one who is scared of identification?

Q: It feels like that. I'm going to be very true right now like that.

So, let's found out: Which one is the true one?

First, let's see: Who has the power of belief?

Q: [Long silence]

Okay, so the one that is here has the power of belief.

Now who is running scared of this belief?

Q: I don't want to look at that. Don't know why.

You must look. This is a good tip. Any time we feel like ‘I don't want to look at this’….

Q: It feels almost like I'm believing thoughts, and there's this one that doesn't want to believe thoughts, and I give more credit to the one that doesn't want to believe thought.

Yes. Which one is this one that is running scared of thoughts?

Q: [Long silence]

So, the one that does not want to believe thoughts, is that itself not a belief? Can it survive without any belief?

Q: [Long silence] No, it can't.

So it is the belief itself. This is what one of the subtlest tricks of the mind is. It tries to use even the pointing in satsang as a strategy for itself. You see? So it takes that which is meant to attack the ego as a defense for the ego itself.

Q: It's a big [inaudible]. It's the biggest thing it has thrown here. Because belief itself…, you can get out of the mind; and the mind itself takes it up and … [Silence] I see it, Father, but somehow it's not dropped. You know what I'm saying? I see it. I see the mind playing. But it can just keep playing.

So, let's drop now?

Q: Right now, it's not there.

[Chuckles] Then you can't say it's not dropped.

Q: Like right now it's just saying, like in the beginning when we started satsang…

And you still fall for this one? [Chuckles]

Why Attachment to Happy Thoughts Can Prolong Suffering

Maybe the trouble sometimes is that we made it too simple. It's too simple. And the mind loves complexity. It's no fun because I just say ‘All you have to do is not buy your next thought…, and you are Free, Now’.

Can we not buy this one next thought? Is it that difficult?

And then what can happen? Some very glorious thoughts come. ‘Is this freedom?’ No. Not even this one. ‘Can I do this forever? Can I just be like this?’ We buy something, which again makes a pretend person out of us.

The end of suffering is this simple. We cannot suffer without believing a thought. You can try. You have tried.

Just naturally, we can be in pain; there can be this sensation of pain experience in the body. But even this pain we cannot suffer from unless we buy a thought about it.

But it is a thought itself which comes with a lot of doubts. ‘But, but, but what about this, what about my bills, what about my life, what about my plans, what about my family?’ The same old stuff. For thousands and thousands of years, we've dealt with the same old stuff. I like to say when we read talks with Ramana from the 1930’s, it's the same stuff. He could have said 2016 and the questioner could just be there, and the question could be the same. ‘What about my responsibilities? What about my life?’ Where are all those people now? Huh? Gone. The ones that were asking the questions in the 1930’s mostly are gone. So what's the big deal about their responsibilities and their bills? Same thing here. Another 100 years, all of us gone. Is it really worth it to buy into our thoughts, to go into this temporal realm of personhood, when over and over every day we say ‘Don't believe your next thought’?

Q: Father, what about…, I was just thinking about the thought, the next thought. What if it's a happy thought?

Yes, I just saw this question (in chat). So, when you check, you will find that you don't need the happy thought to be happy. Happiness is more natural than that. Just now, you will find that there's a natural happiness, natural peace, natural joy which is inescapable. The mind itself might come and say ‘But you need the happy ones to be happy’. You see? But this, again, even the so-called happy thought is false, because it is premised on the idea that you exist as a person; and this idea must dissolve. Because as long as we're believing something which is false, it is bound to lead to suffering, and then we are going through this roller coaster of life, with the ups and the downs. So, we don't even need our happy thoughts. We don't even need our happy thoughts to be happy. Happiness is our natural state.

Q: So, what if…, I've been noticing I'm happy and then I have thoughts about it. They're nice thoughts. And then I'm wondering am I supposed to bat them out of the park, like that baseball analogy that somebody posted? You know, they feel good. The thoughts feel good, and they come out of the natural happy place; just like ‘Oh, I'm happy’ and then I have thoughts about it.

But if you look at even the happy thoughts, who are they speaking to? You see? So what happens is we are trying to come out of the habit of believing this voice in our head which is pretending to be ‘My’ voice. It's like saying that if I'm addicted to smoking then can I smoke a certain type of cigarettes, (what are they called? e-cigarettes or something?)

Q: The vapor cigarettes.

Electric. So, although they might be helpful, seemingly-helpful, to come out of the addiction, eventually even these must be let go of. So, if you were to give me the choice and say ‘Between terrible thoughts and happy thoughts, what should I believe?’ obviously I'd say ‘Believe the happy thoughts’. But I also have to say that your happiness is not dependent on happy thoughts. And eventually even these have to be let go of because they are not conveying the truth of what You are. And anything that is believed about the false then has the potential for suffering.

So take an example of a happy thought.

Q: Okay, a happy thought is…, I was at the ocean today and I started to watch the sunset. That was happy. It was nice.

Yes. Yes. Now what happens is that the experiencing of the sunset and the ocean was happening irrespective of the thought, and even the joy and the bliss or whatever was coming up was happening spontaneously. But this imaginary friend, it wants to come in and participate in this. It says ‘Oh, nice. We're looking at these things; we're looking at the ocean and the sunset’. And very quickly, as we start to buy into this, the very next day maybe it will say ‘Oh, maybe the ocean is not looking as clean as it was yesterday’. And because our habit is to buy thoughts, then our habit is to buy thoughts like this also. ‘The sunset…, isn't the air getting more polluted today than it was yesterday?’ This kind of stuff can come.

Q: Yeah. It's more cloudy today. Yesterday it was clear; today it's cloudy. Maybe it will rain.

Exactly. It is just like this. The experiencing of the flower: the experiencing of the flower is just the experiencing of the flower. And I don't need a thought to experience it. Yet you will notice that the thought will try to come up with its opinions about the flower, which are completely not needed to experience it. You see? So the beauty is experienced, and the joy which comes with the beauty of the experiencing is also there. So we don't need the participation of our mind, truly, to experience any situation in life, good or bad.

So we just watch like this. You can see any object, and how quickly the mind tries to come in with the interpretation and the judgment about it. And you will find that the experiencing of the object is not dependent on what the thought is saying about it.

Q: I'm not sure I can put this in words, but like I'm observing what's around me, and if there are no thoughts then it's not pleasant. It's like ‘Okay, this is nice. Everything is nice. It's quiet, peaceful. I like my place. I have a lot of freedom in my life…’ You know, I can go on and on about all the nice things. But then it's like there's this force-field or something that kind of wants to move in and take over. I don't know…, something.

Yes. Even the confirmations we don't need. You see? Sometimes it can happen that we can look around at everything, which is just as it is; and mind will come and give a confirmation ‘Yes, it's so nice. I'm so peaceful. Things are so happy now’. And because we're used to these mental confirmations, something still relies on getting this. And this can lead to some sort of trouble. I'll tell you why. Because I'm telling you that ‘You are free now’. Usually this is not accepted because we're waiting for a mental confirmation also to come: ‘So, he is saying that you are free now. What do you think?’ And the mind says ‘Oh, because he loves you, he is saying this’.

Q: [Laughs]

Something…, ‘But you're not there yet. I saw you outside satsang, and you were so angry and you were so…’

Q: Yes, yes, yes.

This mind…

Q: Yes, just an hour ago something was happening like that.

Exactly. Because we're used to waiting for mental confirmation for everything, including our peace. You see? So if you buy the thought ‘Oh, this is so nice, it's peaceful’ then we are just giving more and more value to this habit; we're giving meaning to these noises in our head, to this energy in our head, ‘my thought’. And I know it feels a bit wobbly…

Q: It does. It feels wobbly.

Even the positive reinforcement or the affirmations which many practice…., when we let go of even these positive affirmations then it can seem a bit wobbly for a while. But this wobbly-ness is the doorway to freedom. A little bit of shakiness. If it is happening, it's good. Actually they say that in yoga, by the way. [Laughs] Don't they say that in yoga? …, that ‘If your body starts shaking like this a little bit, don't worry about it. It's good’. It's actually good, letting out some tendencies, some conditioning, something from the body. It's adjusting.

So, like this, the wobbly-ness can come and if this shaky-ness is there, don't be fearful of it. You see? Because the mind itself will come and say ‘This is so scary. What's going to happen to you? You can't live without your happy thoughts. You've been affirming to yourself these happy things and that's what has kept you sane’. Or something, something; it can keep going on and on.

Q: Yes. It has kept me sane up until now. [Chuckles]

Yes, but ‘who, sane’? The thing is that the problem is that it's always based on the pretense of you, which is not real. And the unreal, the more it is believed in, the more potential for suffering there is. You see? So we cannot be believing our thoughts without picking up the idea that ‘I exist personally’.

And at the root of all of this, (and we must look at this together), at the root of all of this is the idea that ‘I come to satsang to become a happy person, or a certain type of person, a peaceful person, a happy person. This is what I want’. Now, if this idea still remains, then this idea also is going to be squeezed out of you. And this is not a happy squeezing usually. [Laughs] Because we don't come to satsang…, at least this type of satsang…, to become happy people; not to become shining, happy people or something. We come to satsang to discover that which we truly are anyway, which cannot give meaning to this personal existence; although it is not in resistance to it. There's a beautiful allowing of all things to appear and disappear. But it cannot believe itself to be personal in any way.

This is the end of suffering. And it is here now.

So, we reinforce the false idea with our belief. And whether the belief is happy or unhappy, the belief is always about ‘the person which I believe myself to be’.

So what is going to happen is that…, for many of us, we come to satsang and initially it seems so happy, there's more space, there's more light, there's more peace, and it feels like ‘This is good’. But as you keep coming to satsang you will keep encountering me asking you who you are. ‘Who are you?’ … ‘Who are you?’ … ‘Who are you?’ You'll keep encountering this question. But the mind will want to hang onto ‘But I am happy. I'm happy as a person now. Why do you keep asking who are you?’ And something doesn't like this; there can be some fear which comes with this, something can feel like some stability is getting shaken up. You see?

So that same satsang environment which seemed to give us some happiness, space, peace personally is now seeming to attack this person directly…., seeming to attack this person because this person actually doesn't exist. And my interest is not in giving you some temporary band-aid. I don't want to give you some temporary band-aid and say ‘This is good. It feels good’. You see? I want to remove the false. I want to remove this cancer of personhood.

So sometimes it can seem very, very strong; it can seem very crushing to the ego even. And this also must be allowed to get released. But as long as we are believing two voices…, one is the voice in satang, one is the voice of this false teacher that we've had inside our head for so long, then it will not be the end of the personhood; it will be the elongation of the so-called spiritual journey. And then a few years later you might be coming to satsang and saying ‘But I've been in satsang a few years and nothing has happened. I haven't found the freedom, I haven't found myself to be this Awareness that you speak about. I still feel like I'm Lucia or I'm a person’. If we listen to both these voices, then it is the stretching out of this non-existent journey. And it seems to be stretched out in time.

Because right now, without any thought, who are you? That is what we are looking at.

Q: And I don't know. Right now when you're asking that, I don't know.

This ‘I don't know’ is very beautiful ! Don't be fearful of ‘I don't know’. In fact, it is the coming from this ‘I know I'm a person’ to the ‘I don't know’ which seems more difficult in the spiritual journey for most. Because we are so convinced that we are this name and form, that to come to this ‘I don't know’ seems to stretch out for a long while for many. So if you're in this ‘I don't know’ then don't be fearful of this because this is very beautiful.

Now this ‘I don't know’ the mind is very scared of. So it might try to give you some candy now, to say ‘Come back, come back, I'm not so bad, I have happy thoughts for you. Come, come’. You see? And in this, it tries to lure you in. Like Guruji [Mooji] says ‘The Mafia says ‘I'll protect you. I'm here to serve you. I'm here to protect you’. But you try leaving and it becomes very, very scary again.

So don't buy into this candy which the mind is selling to you. Because it is scared of this ‘I don't know’. It knows that from this ‘I don't know’ a true recognition, a true realization will appear. So it tries to take you away from the ‘I don't know who I am’ back into personhood, saying ‘But now I'm a happy person, and that's all I wanted’. It's not true.

Q: It's not true. No, it isn't true.

Because the urge is truer than that. The urge is to discover what we truly are, which is prior and beyond any sense of happiness and unhappiness. It is accepting. And in this accepting and allowing, there can be a natural sense of peace and happiness, but it's not personal. There's nothing personal about this.

Q: Does this connect to what you have been saying and what Mooji says about ‘I was never born’?

Yes.

Q: I have a direct experience of that we don't die. Because I communicate with people who were in the physical and who are no longer physically here. I can talk to my father who has passed on 10 years ago; and other people, I talk to them. So I know we don't die. I say ‘All right, I don't die, great!’ But the ‘I was never born’ thing…, oh my god. What's that about?

So if you don't die is it possible to be born actually? I feel in your question itself the answer is there. Unless there is death, can there be birth? Because if this one is eternal, then can there be birth or death for this one.

Q: Mentally I know the right answer in a mental way. I don't have a direct experience of that.

Actually this is our experience, but we don't have yet the confirmation that this is true. Because that which we are, always has been. You see, that which is Aware of all the states which are coming and going, and itself is not coming and going, that is what we most naturally are. That which is seen, even in this seeming-lifetime, has seen so many bodies and so many realms and so many experiences have happened; in this waking [state] and so many different dream states…, this so called waking state which is just another dream state. And also it has experienced nothingness, no phenomenal appearance has also been experienced so often. So we see that something can be born, the sense of Presence, the sense of Consciousness can be born and can dissolve. But that which witnesses it is not taking birth or dying.

Q: It seems incredibly boring.

Yes, but to who?

Q: I am not sure. I can sort of conceptually step back and experience that, eternal Being. I have been there. And then it is like ‘Oh, this so boring. Why would I want to hang out here!?’

So this can be said in 2 ways: One is a very primal way, where if you are all there is, there is no birth or death and nothing can ever happen to you and you are just everywhere and you are not phenomenal…, then what's all of this about?

That is why I say that my favorite reasons, (which is not true, but you have to give a reason to things, just because we have to say something)..., so my favorite reasons when someone asks ‘So what is the point of the creation of this Universe?’ is that I say ‘Because it was too boring. I wanted some entertainment’. [Laughter]

So then we created this play, this phenomenal experiencing in which I pretended to be this person playing out all of this adventure called life with all its ups and downs, with all its seeming bondage and freedom.

So if you are speaking from there saying ‘But if I am all there is, and there is nothing actually, and yet I am here, nothing is moving nothing is changing, maybe I need to buy a TV actually, get some entertainment in front of me’. So this whole phenomenal experiencing is the TV of Awareness; the movie screen in which all of this is playing out. Just because it's too boring.

But what I was saying earlier, what I wanted to point out and stress on more…, because many times as you are coming to the recognition of what you are, the mind comes in with these things and says ‘Do you really want this? This is so empty, this is so boring. You will just become a vegetable, you will not have any enthusiasm, you will not have any wonder left in life’.

But this is not the actual experience of the sages. They actually find that every moment is full of so much wonder and joy and peace. When we drop all these expectations and fears, guilt and remorse, pride, arrogance, specialness…, when all of this is gone, the stories that we have about ourselves.., when they are gone then we don't know anything at all. Then there is so much wonder in every moment, there is so much joy.

So that was the voice I was cautioning against, that can come and say ‘But this is so boring’.

Q: But the voice that answers is the one that …[Inaudible] But I do know that I have met other sages that are apparently blissed out most of the time.

I actually haven't met anyone who is blissed out all the time. I actually haven't met anyone. And maybe that is great Grace. Because here it is not this feeling of being blissed out all the time.

Q: What's it like?

It is much more natural than that. Everything is allowed. I cannot say that there is a strong experience of bliss in every instant. All states are allowed to come and go very naturally. And yet what I see myself to be in reality is untouched by any of these states.

And also there is a recognition that everything phenomenal is coming and going. And any time there is this belief or attachment in something, then it is setting up for failure because I know that this is a temporal field. So it is going. So if I attach to something here as ‘me’ or ‘mine’ then it is bound to cause suffering. Because it will come and go.

So if I attach even to the sensation of bliss…, when it comes it is seen often enough that even this is coming and going. So if I give it the idea that ‘It should always be like this’ or ‘For me now it is always like this’ then I know, when it goes, the mind itself will come and say ‘See now, you lost your freedom, where is the bliss?’ That is why I said it is good news that I have not met anyone who is blissed out all the time because the mind would say ‘See, this is the true Sage. He is always in bliss’.

Now what can be a bit confusing is that this state of simple allowing itself, non-resistive allowing, is a very deep peace. So this peace can be confused to be like a phenomenon of something. So when the sage says that ‘I am always at peace’ he is not talking about this sense of phenomenal tasting of peace…, ‘Ahhh, it is so peaceful’. Not like this, you see. It is just so much peace because everything is allowed, nothing is resisted. So this is a deeper peace.

Yes, yes, then if you see, this is the constant experience even here; except for momentary buttons getting pressed and thrown away one once in a while. I have to say that mostly the experience is non-resistive, not personal; mostly the experience here is not personal and the simple allowing of everything to come and go.

Q: And there is a deep sense of ease about that.

Yes, yes ease; ease, is a very good word.

Q: Yes, so if anger comes, there is an ease because it comes and it goes.

Yes. I feel that ease is a very good word. I feel I will use this word more often, because there is a deep sense of ease. It is not a struggle with life; it is not a resisting with life in anyway.

Q: I like ease.

Yes.

Q: So I guess it was a thought that said ‘Okay, so where are we now?’ It's the one who tracks. I guess it is the therapist in me, the one who tracks.

The checker guy, the checker man, is my arch nemesis.

Q: I have a checker woman, the monitor; she monitors what's going on.

Checker woman, checker person, is my arch nemesis.

Q: Okay, so where are we now?

How many thoughts are we believing? You were a good boy or a good girl today; you believed only 10 thoughts. [Laughter]. This report card, this….

Q: So now there is the feeling that came up of ‘So, what do I do now? We have had this nice conversation and now what do I do with this new insight?’ Like ‘I have to study it, when I get out of the hangout then I am going to listen to this again and study it’.

Yes, this is natural for it to happen initially. Because the strongest leg for the ego is the leg of ‘doership’. Without doership, without this sense that ‘What do I do now?’ this ego actually cannot survive. This table of the ego just falls down without the leg of doership. So it is very natural for it to try and retain itself by saying ‘Okay, what is the plan now? What do I do now? This was very nice, what do I do now?’

As long as there is a sense that ‘I can do something’ then we can do two things: One is we can just not believe our next thought or second we can self-inquire and ask ‘Who am I? Who is the doer? Who is the ‘I’ that should do something?’

So as long as there is a sense of doership which still seems strong then we can either not believe our next thought (which I know seems like a doing); we can do this or we can do the self -inquiry, (which is also actually not a doing, but can seem like it).

So with either of these then you come to this place to see that there is no ‘doer’ at all. So this question, when it comes ‘What do I do now?’ it just becomes laughable just like every other thought; just becomes laughable. So until it has become laughable we can just not believe our next thought or we can just inquire into ‘What I truly am’.

Q: And the answer still is ‘I still don't know’.

Is there an ‘I’ that doesn't know? Because when you say ‘I don't know’ what you are actually saying is that ‘I know that there is an ‘I’ that doesn't know’.

Q: There is an ‘I’ that doesn't know. Yes, there is an ‘I’ that doesn't know.

Okay so who is this ‘I’ that doesn't know?

Q: Oh, my goodness.

It is not hard work actually like this. (Laughter). The mind says ‘But this is so heavy, this is so frustrating’ because we are used to trying to figure it out with the mind, we are used to trying to figure it out with the mind.

This is unfathomable for the mind. The mind has no chance here.

So when the question comes like this, which now seems so easy and natural here, I remember there was a time where the same reaction would come: 'But what is this I?’ or even 'What is this ‘I am’? It's so frustrating. I just can't find it. I can't figure it out'.

I know this feeling, and at some level it's good because the mind should…, this one should give up, you see? The one who is trying to figure it out should give up, and then it's just very simple looking.

'I know'…, you say. 'I know that there is an ‘I’ who doesn't know who I am'. To the mind these words are so complicated. These words are so complicated to the mind. But very simply we are just looking at you saying 'I don't know who I am'. But right at the beginning there's an 'I' that you know doesn't know who it is.

So we know this 'I' but it is not known mentally; we cannot make a picture out of it. And that is what becomes frustrating to the mind because the mind wants to give us a good answer, maybe a good diagram to go with the answer, so that we can get full marks on this question 'Who Am I?' But it is not that, it is not a test question like that. It is only an encouragement to look; not an encouragement to think, just an encouragement to look: 'Who is it that is here now? Who Am I?'

Q: There is such a sense of frustration..., right now.

Yes, but the good thing about the inquiry is that anything coming up can be used in the inquiry. So you say 'So much frustration is coming'. I don't hear that as something bad actually. I say this is an opportunity to check: 'Who Witnesses this frustration? Is that also frustrated?'

Q: No, it's not.

Yes, so are You that frustration? Or are You the Witness of it..., primarily?

Q: Well..., at the moment I am the Witness of it.

Yes, now try to not be the Witness and become the content. How will you do it?

Q: Well it's almost like, entering back into that, there's like this sensation, this energy of frustration and it's sort of like diving back in there.

Okay, do it, let's see it.

Q: [Laughter] Okay..., I can't do it now.

[Laughter] You can never do it. It's only an idea that 'I can do it'. The Witnessing is always just the Witnessing itself. It only seems like 'I went back into the personal, into to the person'. But no person has actually ever existed. Only our attention can go to this content, but that to which attention is reporting is not fixated with it, is not stuck in it, is not bound by it. It is only the thoughts which will tell you that 'Now you are stuck in this stuff'. And you have the power to pretend by believing these thoughts. But in reality you could never be stuck. Therefore nowhere for you to go. You are here already as That, Awareness.

Q: There's distractions that come up, like memories and suddenly...,

Yes.

Q: And it's getting me frustrated. There's some memories that pop up.

Yes, but we can use even that. You say 'This distraction is coming up, this memory is coming up'. Who is Witnessing that? Is the Witnessing also distracted?

So everything coming up…, actually this world is dual purpose. If the urge is to play as a person then everything that comes up in the world we can use to take personally and to get deeper in the personal idea. But if the urge is to now discover who we are then everything that is appearing in the world can be used to point back at the Witnessing of it and to check 'Who is it that sees this?'…, and to come to our true realization of the Self. You see? So, same world, same content can be there, but depending on the urge it can be used differently.

Q: Well the urge is to be Free, for sure. It's all..., you know, it's beyond 'I want to be happy and I don't want to suffer anymore'. I mean I don't to suffer and I want to be happy but the stronger urge is ‘I want to be Free, and I want to know that I'm Free’…, put it that way.

Yes, I know this because you cannot come to…[satsang]; my feeling is that if the urge was just for some superficial or phenomenal happiness then you would not be here for the second satsang. After the first something would get tortured; this idea of personhood would get so tortured that you would never want to come back to the second satsang. Because you are here so often, then I know it cannot just be about some superficial sense of happiness.

For the sense of personhood who wants this sense of being happy, it is pure torture to be in satsang because it doesn't like the question 'Who Am I?' It doesn't like these thing we are saying which is 'You don't exist as a person, you are truly non-phenomenal and all these appearances don't matter, they don't have meaning'. You see? So it doesn't like. The sense of personhood doesn't like this. So if you come again for satsang there must be a primal urge for Freedom.

Q: Mm hm.

But this actually doesn't mean that if you're coming for a few satsangs, it doesn't mean that you will come to the end of your conditioning…, although that is my blessing; that all of you come to the end of your conditioning. But sometimes we cross something; like we might have a spiritual experience or an awakening experience or some spiritual experience, and something says 'I want to take ownership of this. This was so good. I have discovered that I'm God'. You see? So it wants to use that as fresh conditioning. And then after coming to these kind of experiences we might get seemingly way-laid from the end of all conditioning, because then we start adding new conditioning about our self, which is specialness, arrogance, pride. Just spiritual ego basically, which is the most common reason people stop coming to satsang is because they believe they have become special people now.

The Dropping of These Ideas is the End of the Journey

What is the journey? If Spirit is true, if God is here, then what is the journey?

Q: Here now.

Now. It must be some sort of a stubborn refusal to accept what is here now. It must some sort of an idea of how something should be, and therefore we create this idea of a journey. Isn't it? Because a journey implies there is a destination, isn't it? If you are already that, if you are here now, and if we're independent of the content of our thinking, … because once we see that these thoughts are not for Me, they're not even about Me in reality, they're about some projection that can never truly come to life…., if we see this, that the thoughts are about a projection that can never truly come to life, then that is the dropping of this idea. The dropping of these ideas is the end of the journey, is the end of conditioning.

We were discussing, maybe after satsang yesterday, that to pick up one thought is like picking up the entire tree of conditioning. One leaf. Because in this moment right now, if we don't refer to any thoughts about ourself, then where is the conditioning? There could be some energetic conditioning that remains, but that's okay. Even that is not suffering, unless we believe a thought about it.

So, see how when we pick up one presumption about our separate existence as an individual entity, then we pick up the entire basket of ideas, the entire basket of conditioning. You see? And without thoughts, there is no journey also.

But we have to be a little bit [inaudible] because it can also be taken just mentally and say ‘I can just drop the search. What is the need for satsang then?’ But if it is just conceptual in that way, it is not truly the end of suffering.

Okay, one thing very important for us to understand is that openness and resistance are opposites and cannot really co-exist. Although we can say ‘Let's be open even to our resistance’…, it's okay at some point to say this…, but in fact, they're opposites. The fist is either closed or open. You see? It's either resisting or it's open. But this openness is the end of suffering.

Openness cannot suffer. In openness, you cannot suffer; whatever idea you might even have about yourself. So that is a true indicator, the end of suffering. Not the end of pain, but the end of suffering mostly is the true indicator for the dropping of the search. In fact the dropping doesn't feel like I dropped something after that.

Many times in Advaita we just meet people who come to this, you know, very strong idea of ‘Oh, I'm dropping the search. I'm dropping’. The ‘I’ is still the wrong ‘I’ on in that. Yeah?

Has it become a little confusing? Shall I start again?

So basically what I'm saying is that all conditioning, the idea of journey included, is not needed if right now we're not going with the content of our thoughts, if you're not buying anything that the mind is selling…, including thoughts about the end of the journey, the end of the search.

And how do I know? If the idea of suffering comes, it is based on this idea of individual entity, the idea of the ego. And we said that openness and ego cannot co-exist because ego is another name for resistance, the non-acceptance of What Is.

So this realization that What I Am is IT already is the end of the journey.

But this realization also comes with the understanding that I am not dependent on the content of my thoughts.

Many times we have these ideas that ‘Yes, yes, I understand What I Am therefore I should now be free to engage with my thoughts as much as I like’. And this one usually is asking for trouble. You see? Why would you want it? Once you discover Who You Are, who is the lawyer who is still defending thoughts and saying ‘But I'm also Consciousness, I'm also Consciousness’?

So, as we allow ourself to be open, non-resistive even to thoughts…, in fact, to give them our belief is to resist. I can find no other way to resist except to give belief to our thoughts. Is there any other way? And we can look together, because this is the first time I feel this is escaping my mouth, so [chuckles] I haven't deeply contemplated; we can look.

This Playground is Too Small For Us Now

Even in all of this [report you just gave], the one that is saying that ‘I discovered one big identity for myself, and I discovered that this one is really what is still here; and this one should go’…., [I'm saying that]: This one should go. It doesn't want to go.

Q: Who is stopping it? Why is it still here?

If you're not buying anything from it, it cannot survive. Are you buying what it's selling, or no?

Q: …After 10 minutes, the buying happened. And that's exactly the point where the suffering started.

So that's it, then. Don't buy it, and no suffering.

Q: But there's still one that wants to let go.

Let go of this one that wants to let go. Don't want to let go; just let go.

Q: [Sigh] Okay, Father.

Because it can really feel like ‘I am nobody without this one. Then what I am supposed to do?’ But this nobody-ness is truer than the somebody-ness. And without this one, (in your case also), the seeker identity, the one that plays the checker, as reporter, as the one whose getting insights, as the one who wants to make spiritual progress by doing something, even by letting go…, without this, you are really nobody. [Silence]

Q: No. It's just seen; so true.

So without this one, you're really nobody. Except sometimes you can play the role of mother, play the role of partner; all these roles can happen. But really the crux of your identity now rests on the seeker identity, which is made up of all this spiritual checking, spiritual reporting, spiritual progress: ‘What should I do spiritually? What is stuck spiritually? What am I projecting spiritually?’ You see?

Q: Yeah, because in the morning this whole checker thing happened again where …

And now? And now, what's happening? …, to the one who is saying ‘Yes, yes, yes, he is right. In the morning, this checker thing happened’. Who is this one?

Q: The same one.

So don't buy what this one is selling. I know it tries to sound very meaningful, what it is telling you. It says ‘Yes, yes, I'm getting this insight, I see it now’. But this is the reporting now actually which is going on.

Q: [Silence]

And it is tied up with a lot of things. It is tied up with some sort of a need for validation of the report, need for validation of the spiritual insight, need for validation that something is happening to ‘you’. You see? So this checker is not just asking for you to validate it; it is also asking for us to validate it.

Q: [Silence] [Laughs] It doesn't stop. In hearing this, it's ‘See…, see the validation’. It's right there.

A companion for you, for some time now…, the entire so-called spiritual journey for you seems to be about coming to these insights and checking on them and then reporting of them. And now you're coming to this point where even this is being suggested to be let go of. And let the emptiness remain like that, even if some fear comes that ‘Without this, what will happen to me? This is how I've been leading my life for so long’. [Inaudible]…, all auspiciousness.

Q: Father, there's a struggle to be in this emptiness.

Yes. So let's look at this struggle. Yes. So what is the struggle? Some sensations are coming? Or what is happening?

Q: Father, the moment I close my eyes and there's this silence and emptiness, something just is restless and wants to open the eyes. Or just…, the allowing of falling free does not happen. It's like…, as if to just let myself loose in this space of no space …, and that's exactly…

I'm with you. Together we can see through this.

So, allow everything to happen. And don't pick up anybody; remain as nobody. And nothing with happen to you; I'm here with you. Let all fear, resistance…, whatever is coming as sensations, let it come.

Q: It's as if there's so much of disturbance it's as if, like, drowning; and there's this struggle to breathe.

Don't worry; you will be able to breathe. Allow the feeling of drowning to happen. It's okay. Nothing will happen to you. Don't fear anything at all.

Most of us are scared of this silence, scared of our own nothingness. Because the mind makes it feel like it is an empty nothing. But it is only empty of concepts, only empty of ideas of ourselves. From this, all fullness comes actually. So embrace this silence. It will not harm you.

[Silence]

And all of us can check…, how the mind tries to resist this. How it comes up with ideas and thoughts to take you away from this.

Some fear can be coming. Allow this fear also to come. Don't fight it. Don't resist.

[Silence]

Q: Father, there's a constant screaming happening. It's not happening. It's like.., as if..,

Something seems like it's screaming for survival or something like this. It's very common. Let it scream. It's okay.

Q: [Silence]

Is what is appearing You? Or are You the Witnessing of it?

Q: Now the Witnessing.

Now in which way is that which is appearing affecting the Witnessing?

Q: It doesn't affect the Witnessing, Father, but it doesn't stay with the Witnessing, like I'm always trying to be one with the Witnessing, sort of a thing. That just came up.

Nothing needs to become one with the Witness.

[Silence]

Who are you right now? or What are you right now?

Q: Father, right now, it's now as if…, [silence] It's just like the Witnessing is happening and along with it, there's this feeling ‘I can't do it’. That's also appearing, that…

Yes. Now, for so many years, for so long, we have been checking on the content of what is appearing and reporting from there, saying that ‘This is what's happening to me’. Now if we are checking on anything at all, if we are reporting on anything at all, we are reporting from ‘Who are all these appearances appearing to?’ Who is aware of this screaming voice? Let's check on that and report on that.

Q: Father, it's suddenly getting too…,

Too what? Too scary or too confusing?

Q: Too cloudy, yeah.

So, also we can check ‘Who are the clouds appearing to?’ Your vision cannot be distorted by appearances, even if the appearances seem to get cloudy. You are aware of the clouds? Or no? What happened to this Awareness? Did that also become cloudy?

Q: No.

So report on this one, not on something which is appearing.

Q: Father, That just Is. That is also …

Is that That? We're used to referring to it as ‘That’ as if there is some distance between us and That. Is that That? or is it a This? These are not semantics. We are really checking. Because something is saying ‘That only. Nothing is happening to That’. You see? But is That not what You are? [Silence] Are you separate from That?

Q: [Silence] Father, I'm not able to say ‘This is Me’.

[Laughs] Yes. But then, what is You? Is it ‘I don't know what I am’? Or is it ‘I know I am Supriya who is aware of her Awareness, but the Awareness is not what Supriya is’? Is it like that?

Q: I feel like that, Father.

But you have to check and see if it is true. Where is the Supriya that you are?

Q: [Silence]

If you can't find it, then why do you believe it? ‘This is my I’. You see? The belief in something we can't even find.

Q: Father, this body, this form also appears in the same Seeing, and That is the point of confusion that is seen right now.

So, the body is not so much confusion. What does the body want right now? It's just sitting about, very innocently. Poor thing gets all the blame from us all the time. [Chuckles] ‘It seems the body is the problem’. If the body could speak, it would be saying ‘But what am I doing?’ [Laughs] [Laughter in the room] It's not the body so much as the idea of the person that owns the body: ‘My body is like this’…., ‘My body…’ The same one that is ‘My relationship, my money, my freedom’. This one.

If the body could really speak, it would say ‘What freedom are you going on about? Let's talk about lunch!’ [Much laughter] ‘That's actually nirvana’. So it's really not causing any trouble at all. Just sitting quietly. It is the presumed-owner of the body, the presumed-owner of our relationships, the presumed-owner of our spiritual journey. This one, the non-existent one; this we cannot find. And yet it gets so much of our belief. That is the divine mystery.

Q: Father, there's still something…

There is still something. Which means what? There is a sensation, there is a thought, there is a feeling? What is the something?

Q: I just feel something, just like a …, some resistance, Father. [Sighs]

So, what is the resistance doing to You in this situation…, if the mind is not saying ‘This has to go. This is still here’? What is it doing to You?

Q: [Silence] It just is how you summed it up, this idea of this ‘I’ which is just …, which is like literally standing in the face, sort of a thing.

Literally standing up, where is it?

[Loud noise ongoing]

Q: It's like construction started happening, and it's so much loud noise.

When that was happening here, we escaped to the balcony and we had satsang there.

Q: Shall I ask them to stop?

If it's possible.

Q: One second… [Leaves her chair]

‘Something is there’ [Chuckles] I said ‘I want to meet that something’ and [loud noise]…, there you go! [Chuckles]

Q: Sorry, Father. [Loud construction noise still going on] No, I just said to someone.., Father, this just reminds me; this is exactly how it goes away.

And even this is not touching your Awareness. No?

[Silence]

Who are You, right now?

Not what is appearing in front of you; who are You?

Not what is your experience; who are You?

Not what is appearing as a sensation because this question is being asked;

Who are You?

Q: I Am.

Because you are here for this. I know this because you have been in satsang. Those who come just for something, for ‘me’ …, ‘I want happiness, I want peace, I want…’ something, something, something; those don't last very long in satsang. Your urge must be for Self-discovery, for Self-realization, and not to give something to the false self, to the made-up, imagined identity. It must be to find Who You Are.

What is it that remains untouched through all appearances?

What is it that is not coming and going?

It is You.

Nothing can ever happen to that which does not exist. Nothing can ever happen to that, because it doesn't exist. And nothing can ever happen to You in reality. Because You remain untouched through all appearances. And every time we say that ‘Something is happening to me’ it is not a reporting from the truth. Because we're just going with some sensation which is appearing or some thought which is appearing, which is saying that something is happening to me.

But You are that Supreme One to which nothing can happen. You're that to which this entire manifest creation is nothing more than a grain of sand. What can hurt You?

So, the inquiry is just a simple verification. When a thought comes and says something, we just verify it and check whether it is true or not.

There are only two ways to end this so-called spiritual journey:

The first way is to trust the voice of Your Own Presence which is speaking in satsang and to follow that.

The second way is to buy the story that the mind is telling you completely; and not trusting this voice in satsang at all.

These are the two ways to end it.

Now, the way to prolong it is to listen to both half/half. If you listen to both half/half then it will seem like a journey, more of a journey. Little bit of this, little bit of that, little bit of this, little bit of that.

So I am saying to you that there is no Supriya and nothing has ever really happened to You in reality. Now are you going to give this to the mind to check? Or will you check for Yourself?

[Silence] Is there a Supriya?

Q: [Silence]

If there is no Supriya, then there can be no problem.

[Silence]

Drop all allegiance with your mind.

Drop all belief from this one.

Allow everything to come and go.

Don't fear any sensation.

Don't fear fear itself.

[Silence]

See how the mind is not a true representative of the truth. And the voice that speaks in satsang is your own true voice, is your own Presence speaking.

You are untouched.

You are unborn and undying.

You have no desire, no aversion.

There is no bondage or freedom for You.

You are That which is not coming or going;

That which witnesses all comings and goings.

You witness the birth and death of this universe.

Within You, all realms are born and dissolve.

And even these words cannot come close defining Your true glory.

Don't believe that voice that tells you that you are just a bundle of flesh and blood; the voice that tells you that you can want something and you can need something; the voice which says you have to get somewhere, you have to become something. You've had your fun playing as this.

Now with open eyes, check on what you truly are. And don't wait for the false voice to give you a report. Stay with what you see for yourself.

That which is undying must be here now. That which we call God, if it is real, then It must be here now. If we don't believe any ideas about what God should be, then the experience of God is here now. And you are That which cannot be labeled, even as God.

You are That which cannot be known phenomenally.

And you know this…, not from a thought, not from intellect.

You are prior to this, and You are aware of this.

Without the hypnosis of your mind, which relies on your own belief, you can no longer pretend to be this non-existent person.

There is no such thing as darkness. Even that which appears dark, appears in the light of your own True Self.

Stop playing with these tiny ideas about yourself. Let's play together as One.

Don't go with that voice, my child; not this one. Because this playground is too small for us now.

[Silence]

Pit-stops Along the Way

Now this so-called journey that we've all undertaken will only truly stop with the realization of the Self and the dropping of the false beliefs about our Self. But many times, along the way, it can seem to take some pit stops, either because the mind is saying ‘I will never get it, so I give up’ or the mind is saying ‘I got it now’. So these are the pit-stops. It's saying ‘I discovered the Truth. I found it! There is no truth’. Something. You can still smell it if it's mental, you see? So that can be a pit-stop.

The same thing can be spoken experientially when we say that for that which is non-phenomenal, even the concept of truth is false; does not apply.

And sometimes it is the spiritual concepts which are the longer pit-stops. And the mind attaches to seemingly-glorious spiritual concepts. And that can be a very long pit-stop. Because it gives the illusion of permanency. But this illusion of permanency will not be the end of suffering.

I remember actually there was a time here many years ago that there was a sense that ‘I know it all now. I know it. I just know it’. And I could speak it, and I was parroting my then-Guru's words; just a very good replica. You see? And this sense was there that ‘I know it all’. And when these attachments started to cause suffering; work attachments, family attachments, they started to cause suffering, I realized that there was so much suffering that went on in spite of knowing all the concepts.

So it is suffering which pulls us out from the pit-stop again. And suffering which confirms to us ‘Not this. Not even this. Not even this’.

And then we see for ourselves that no amount of mental knowing is the end of suffering. In fact the more mental knowing, it seems like there is more suffering actually because the world and appearances are constantly colliding with that which we seem to know mentally. So it is the True Seeing, the True Realization, the True Knowingness (capital ‘K’) which is not attached to any concepts.

When this is the discovery, when we find that this Knowingness cannot be attacked, there is no right or wrong in this; it just IS. And instead of attachments, it brings openness. And instead of pride and humility, it brings neutrality.

[Silence]

There is no rush to make any proclamations. No rushing to any conclusions. That which is coming from this sense of hurry or need for validation, this rush, rush, rush to get it, is not true.

Our mental understanding of even spiritual concepts is only fresh conditioning. True knowing, true understanding, does not rely on any ideas; does not rely on the past.

Neither Awareness nor Presence Has the Need for Validation

What I'm getting from that is you want to tell me that you have experienced the Ultimate Truth for yourself.

Q: I don't know if it's the Ultimate Truth. [Laughs]

No, you can say. It's okay. Now don't become humble.

Q: But I know I'm not the Presence. And this is so bizarre because I'm speaking from a personal point of view. But I know I'm not the Presence. And in a way, I know what I am.

Yes.

Q: I can't deny what I've experienced but I don't know how to explain it. I don't know; I actually don't know. Because every time I think ‘Whoa, whoa, I'm This’ then…, I don't know how to explain it, but a deeper Seeing happens of that.

So, let's look at this closely because it's important.

So, there is the Awareness even of Presence; that there's the experience here, we can say, even of Presence, which I am not. So, the Seer of even Presence. Then there is the Presence. Within this Awareness Itself is the birth of the Presence.

Now, neither of these has the need to explain this.

So there is the Awareness, there is the Presence, and then there is the explain-er. And the explainer wants to say that ‘You know, I am That one’.

Q: Yeah.

‘Why aren't you getting that I am That one? Why can't you just see it? You should have that much intuition at least’. [Chuckles] Not in so many words…,

Q: Not really, though…

I know.

Q: More frustration from the ‘person’ at not really being able to explain it.

[Chuckling] I just exaggerate to make the point. Don't worry.

Q: So this explainer guy comes up and says ‘But why can't you understand that I have had this [realization]…, I Am this Awareness. I am clear about that. I have seen it’.

But what is my [Ananta's] seeming-interest in this? Is to make sure that…

Q: Oh, I see. Its [person's] needs for validation; and to stay alive.

Yes. Neither Awareness nor Presence has the need for validation, or for me to understand what you have Seen.

Because it's not you really who has seen it; it is I really who have Seen it. Not I or you personally; but this One…,

There is only One Awareness. Which is not personal. Yet I know what you mean.

And this truth is true for EVERYONE.

Because everyone knows, in reality, that they are this Knowingness Itself, or this Awareness.

It is only that they are buying this ‘third guy’ which doesn't exist.

So, all of satsang is just trying, trying, trying for this guy. You see? So, that's what it's about.

Spiritual Concepts are Not in Service to the Truth

It is our experience in a state like sleep that all that was called Consciousness and the play of Consciousness dissolves back into that which it is ultimately made up of, which is Awareness Itself; and arises from that which it is made up of, which is Awareness Itself. Then it is Seen that there is nothing outside of This:

The Knowing of Knowingness Itself…, The Awareness of Awareness Itself…, is a recognition.

But for Who?

Did Awareness, the Untouched, Unchanging One, forget Itself?

Does Awareness, the ultimate truth, need to have a recognition of Itself to remind Itself of the truth?

Are any words needed for Awareness?

Can the content of any waking state, (including content like satsang), can it become meaningful to That which is the ultimate truth?

Therefore to This Awareness, the content of what is appearing, (although all content is made up of its own dynamic aspect which is Consciousness), the content is completely meaningless. Therefore, for Awareness, whether it is satsang or it is a comedy show, it doesn't really matter.

And once we start to have this recognition for ourself, then the mind starts playing very subtle tricks. The ‘con-artist’ also starts bringing its ‘A-game’ now…, because You're starting to have the recognition of what You are.

And what is the trick? The trick could be ‘Now you've seen that you are Awareness. So what is the point of satsang? Why do I need to inquire? You are Awareness. What is the need for inquiry? What is the point of satang? None of this’.

And from the point of view of Awareness, all of this is completely true actually. Nothing is ever really needed, and nothing ever happened; completely true. Then what is it that we are here for?

We are here because there is still a sense that ‘I woke up and I went to sleep’. So this sense ‘I Am’ is still playing here. Consciousness or God is playing here. And most environments in this play are adding to the conditioning, adding to the belief that Consciousness is a person. ‘I am… something’. ‘I must become a better person. I must become happy. I am unhappy. I am happy’…, all of this conditioning is getting added in most environments in this apparent realm.

But also part of the play are these smaller points of light in which Consciousness is coming to the recognition of its Source, which is Awareness. And Consciousness is letting go of all conditions that have been attached to it. All part of the play still. Yes.

So the seeming-teacher in the play is the point of light of unassociated Being, which is opening us up to this same possibility or the same truth, actually…, being clear, being real for ourselves.

Therefore, like I say, satsang is not for the person because not even in this phenomenal play does a person really come into existence.

And satsang is not for Awareness because Awareness cannot be bound or free; it cannot be deluded or illuminated. Satsang for Awareness is as meaningless as any other part of this play.

Therefore, satsang is for what? It is for the dynamic aspect of Awareness Itself called Consciousness, which has been playing as if it is a separate individual entity and is now coming to the recognition that ‘I am made up of this Awareness, therefore I am Awareness Itself’. And coming to the dissolution of all personal conditioning.

So now, it has become very popular to negate this Consciousness or Beingness. It has become very popular to say ‘Let's not even make a distinction between Awareness and Consciousness because ultimately all is Awareness’.

Of course, some of you might have this insight that ‘All is Awareness, and nothing has really happened’. And if it's true insight and if it is that strong an insight that comes along with the dropping of all millions of years of conditioning, then nothing is needed for You; no satsang, nothing is needed at all. This play of Consciousness will seem like a small grain of sand twittering about. It means nothing at all to You. Not even that, maybe. Not even a pin-prick, this entire play of Consciousness, because in the totality of Awareness, in the non-phenomenality of Awareness, this phenomenal play is nothing at all.

But as long as it is not that, then you must have this integrity to look. Is there really no difference for me, the sleep state and the waking state? Is this entire play of Consciousness with all its drama of relationships and money and health of the body and freedom…, in all of this drama there's really nothing for me; not even a grain of sand…, then let me say these holy words: Nothing has ever really happened.

If this is not our experience, with integrity, then don't be so quick to jump to these conclusions because then they are only mental. Just because the play of Consciousness is not apparent, don't be so quick to dismiss it and go with the concept that there is no Consciousness.

I know; I have been there. For three years I tried to figure out what this ‘I Am’ was. And I can understand how attractive it must be to say ‘There is no Being. Maharaj is wrong. What is the reason to come to this? Bhagavan with the ‘I-I’. All the sages have talked about Being and Consciousness. And Atma. There was no need for any of this’. It can be very compelling to come to these conclusions, because there is frustration there at not discovering: What is this Being? ‘So let me use a concept like I've done in the past to hide my fear. Let me close myself up to the inquiry because I know Awareness is all there is, so what needs to be looked at now?’

Don't fall into this, my beloved ones. Because from experience I'm telling you that it is not the end of suffering; in fact it is the intensification of suffering to buy into these ideas. Because ideas fighting ideas will not lead to the end of suffering; only to the increase in the intensity of it.

The sense that ‘I exist’ is primal to this existence, even a child says ‘I woke up and I went to sleep’. If animals could talk, they would also say ‘I woke up and I went to sleep’. Even before the mind comes, a child would have the sense that ‘I woke up’ and ‘I was asleep’, whether they were able to report it in words. But the Presence or absence of this sense of existence is primal, is primordial. In fact, this ‘I Am-ness’, this ‘Om’, this Consciousness, is the primordial, Immaculate Conception. And you will see that it is the light on its own screen; it is that which plays as all the actors.

[Silence]

And it is my blessing that: May there be a time for all of us that this entire phenomenal play will seem like nothing but a tiny grain of sand. Even smaller than that. And then, may we all be able to say with full integrity: All is Awareness, and nothing has ever really happened.

[Silence]

From here, the concept of believing a thought or not is meaningless. From here, and here alone, the concept of satsang, or the sharing of This, is meaningless. From here, this entire play is meaningless. Desire is meaningless. Aversion has no meaning. Freedom is nothing. Bondage does not exist.

But if these are still just thoughts; still just ideas.., and you know in your heart that there is a lot of belief in the person…, and you know for yourself that we are filled to the brim with desire…, it is Seen that something is not done with the play…, then don't be so quick to pick up the ultimate-sounding ideas just as ideas.

If you must, then use them for your inquiry. Say that ‘If this is the truth, how can I see this for myself?’

If it is just another thought, ‘I am God’ or ‘I am Awareness’ it is not in service to the truth. No thought is in service to the truth…, unless it is used to remove all other thoughts.

[Silence]

Coming to Terms with Your Own Immensity

I actually got a very good idea the other day from Amba, and she said that ‘What if everyone that comes into satsang could get 3 questions; just 3 questions’. And we were just joking and saying ‘The first time you come into satsang you'll be given these 3, (like, you know), monopoly cards. And you can just use 1, 2, 3’. And I feel like 3 is more than enough actually. In reality, of course, it's all one question actually; but even in the phenomenal play, 3 should be more than enough. And then maybe what can happen is that I can ask you…, after you ask 3 questions, (totally, ever), then maybe I can ask you either to come up and ask…, if I feel like there's a question there; or to just come up and share from what your direct experience is.

Of course, the movement from here has never been to make anything rigid or strong or something like this, but I feel it's a very beautiful contemplation also just to see:

‘What are all these questions about?’

‘If I had not 3 but just one question, would that not be enough?’

‘What is it that I really need to ask now?

Actually there are only 3 things that ever seem to get expressed from here:

The falseness of the person idea.

The recognition of Your God Presence or the Presence of Being, I Am.

And ultimately, the recognition of the Absolute Truth of What You Are as this Awareness Itself.

That's really all that we are talking about, isn't it?

And actually sometimes we say that ‘Let's not ask any personal questions’…, but actually all questions are personal. If you were to truly take the person out of it, out of the equation…, that which you refer to with a name…, if you were to take that out of the equation, then what is left?

If you were a new-born baby…, you had no reference or name to refer to yourself as, you did not understand anything conceptually about what is going on…, yet the experience of life was fully experienced.

In every ‘right now’ the story is over. In this moment now, the story is gone. Before you can think about it, is the story gone, or no? Gone? That's it.

‘Before you can think about it’…, what does it mean? Not the appearance of the thought, but the identification with the thought, the belief in the thought.

Even if something is being experienced energetically in the body, some sensations are coming in the body, even that does not add to the story unless you think about it.

Therefore I don't want to leave you with even the best story. Because all stories are personal. No story, no conditioning can survive this moment…, and actually, this moment. No story can ever be true anyway. Because you cannot find the one that any story is about.

Nothing has ever happened to You; and nothing will ever happen to You. For something to happen to you, you have to be something. Something cannot happen to no-thing. And right now, You are no-thing. Stop pretending to be some-thing.

Right now, it is done! Now.

Not then.

Now…, Now…, Now…

Where is the past?

Where is it? Hmmm?

The future?

Who will experience it?

What needs no thought? What needs no ideas?

Only concepts need more concepts.

Are you a concept?

Only concepts need more concepts.

Are you a concept?

There was a concept of me, but it is seen that that concept of me is not Me.

There is only One Immaculate Conception.

That is the Conception of Being.

All other ideas are just conceptual.

Nothing else ever took birth.

And Being has no story.

The concepts of ‘person’ have no reality…, nor do the concepts of ‘being the body’.

As you are coming to your concept-free reality, only those concepts are useful which are removing other concepts, and will ultimately remove themselves as well.

So if the ‘me’ is just a concept, and right now you are free from these concepts, and you're refusing to buy any more concepts, can it be as simple as this?

The ‘me’ is just a concept…, in every now. And if we refuse to buy any more concepts…, if you refuse to buy any more concepts…, if you refuse to buy the next concept…, is there anything personal left?

This realm of experiencing continues, the sense of Being continues, and That which is aware even of this Being continues. There's nothing personal about any of this.

Don't buy any concepts, even about not buying any concepts. Because the reporter, the checker guy, will come and say ‘Oh, it's like this; it's like that’. Nothing can force you to buy. As my Master says ‘The thief will not put his hand in your pocket’. It cannot. You have to take out your belief.

And you can use these as opportunities to inquire.

Many times it can be…, that beautiful space of Love and Peace and Joy comes, and some old identities and ideas and patterns come quickly to seemingly-disrupt that. But we must not look at it as a disruption.

All that is real, all that is true, is here…, un-reliant on any idea, on any interpretation. It does not need a thought.

And it's so regular, what I'm saying here. Because you Know already: What You Are does not need a thought.

You Are. Before that…, and after that. Isn't it?

You're Here.

A thought is coming and going; You Are Here.

A sensation is coming and going: You Are Here.

And in your experience, this body is also coming and going…,

these states of waking, dream and sleep are coming and going:

You Are Here.

‘Here’ is coming and going: but You Are.

The sense of space and time is coming and going: but You Are.

You Know this.

But not mentally. It's simpler than what the mind can know.

Who is a thought appearing to?

To That which is Here.

Who is a sensation appearing to?

That which is Here.

Do you need to do something to get to That?

That which is Here, are you making some effort to keep that up?

Yes or no?

That which is Here… is just Here.

You're saying ‘My thoughts are coming and going, and they're saying this’.

To who are they appearing?

‘My feelings have become like this; they're good or bad’.

For whom are they?

What is happening to That One?

So, The seeming prolongation of the spiritual journey... is nothing but our stubborn resistance, stubborn insistence........, that ‘I want to believe myself to be that which I cannot find; ..... and I refuse to drop that idea,.... and [refuse to] just stay...... in the non-conceptual reality of That ........which is already This’.

(I think you'll have to read that to make sense of what … [Laughs] Let's see if it comes out more simply next time.)

Just a stubborn insistence that ‘I must be that which I cannot find’ and the refusal to see That which You already Are.

[Silence]

Our pride, our humility, our guilt, remorse, regret, is not ours at all. It is only our insistence that ‘I must be something which does not exist’.

Our proclamation of freedom…, our despondency of not finding freedom…, neither of them are really Ours, because this one just does not exist.

[Silence]

Oh, Amaya has typed it out. Thank you, my dear. It was:

The seeming prolongation of the spiritual journey... is nothing but our stubborn resistance, stubborn insistence........, that ‘I want to believe myself to be that which I cannot find; ..... and I refuse to drop that idea,.... and [refuse to] just stay...... in the non-conceptual reality…. of That ........which is already This’.

The insistence on the false is the refusal actually.

The insistence upon the false is the refusal of the Truth.

It's not really two steps.

So if you refuse to represent that which does not exist…, [video cut out momentarily, then resumes with silence for some time]

The freshness, the wonder, the silence, the beauty of the Now can seem like it is too much. And something wants to cling to the concept of it, rather than just be open to it. This must be the real meaning of ‘Keep quiet’…, to not rush to the concept of it, but to just stay with it…, as It.

Sometimes fear can come, and that's okay; because that which comes also goes. Just when you're getting some insights, some fear can come. And at these times, don't be in a rush to even cling to the most glorious-sounding spiritual concepts.

And then you'll see that there is nothing to fear. The fear of becoming nothing is like the fear of death. Once you see that ‘There is nothing that can die, I was never something in the first place’…, then you see that this is so natural.

And yet sometimes, when this fear comes, it can feel like I'm dying. And the mind offers up a solution. The solution is what? Either ‘You stop all this. Stop all this!’ Or it gives you a very glorious-sounding spiritual concept: ‘You saw this truth; now what else is there? Stop. Stop’. Basically it is saying ‘Stop’. Stick or carrot, either way.

You're coming to terms with your own immensity. Your own magnificence is scaring you actually. And you're experiencing it Now.

Taste the moment. Taste this moment.

Don't be scared of it.

You're here to taste this Now-ness, Here-ness.

Don't be nervous to define it.

Allow it. Allow everything.

Yes. [silently read a question in chat] So once you see that everything is happening on its own accord then you see that there is no separate or individual ‘I’ at all. Once it is known, once it is seen, that all is just a movement of Consciousness itself, then we don't need any instruction also. Because all instructions are also for a seeming-student, supposedly given by a seeming-teacher. But once it is seen that all is Consciousness…, all that is playing is Consciousness, and it is seen like this…, then even the pointings that you hear from the teacher can be kept aside.

[Long Silence]

As we leave satsang today, today I want something from all of you:

Leave your favorite story also here.

What Is It That You Have Always Been?

This is all a play. It's ‘Much ado about nothing’. That's true at so many levels. Much ado about nothing. And yet, until it is truly seen to be nothing, and it still is felt as if it is something, then there must not be a denial of this.

No movement is needed, no effort is required for the recognition of the truth. In fact, mostly that effort is a distraction which is appearing within the truth. Therefore really ‘Be quiet’ must mean ‘Be still and see what you are’. If there is a feeling that ‘Some movement will get me there’ then you'll see that you will be disappointed. The recognition is not about attention moving outwards or any phenomenal activity, through the body or through our senses.

The recognition is just about checking ‘What is here now?’

Upon checking, we can only have a few answers actually. Who can say what really is here now?

And then we can check ‘Who is witnessing even this body?’

Or we can say that ‘Some thought is here, or some feeling is here’. Who witnesses even that?

Or we can say that ‘My experience is that my Presence ‘I Am’ is here’. Who witnesses even that?

Or you might say ‘Just the Witness is here’.

And for that, just to point: ‘Is it? ... Is the Witness here?’ Is the Witness here?

So, we find that in exploring this we cannot even say ‘Witness’ actually. At best we can say ‘Witnessing’…, ‘Awareness’.

Now some of you might say that ‘Nothing is here’. This is also true. Because no-thing is here; no person is here, no entity is here and it is seen that all that is appearing also is just another appearance. This must be our direct experience.

There is nobody to experience this; and yet the experiencing of it cannot be denied.

There is nobody to know this; yet the Knowingness cannot be denied.

And this can become confusing for most, because it might seem like ‘How can there be a Knowingness without somebody who knows that Knowingness?’

It is because this Knowingness Itself is the reality of what I Am…, prior to playing the role of becoming somebody. Prior to the concept of somebody and nobody, there is just this Awareness, this Knowingness.

So, when you look and check, what is it that you find? What is here now?

And what is your relationship with that which is here?

Are you also an appearance?

We say ‘Everything is an appearance’…, are you also appearing in this appearance?

Or is everything appearing and disappearing in relation to You; the eternal and unborn?

And if you are an appearance, then this appearance is for who?

Who is the appearance appearing to? Appearance for who?

This body is appearing to who?

Feelings are appearing to who?

Thoughts are appearing to who?

That, to which everything is appearing…, is that also a thing?

Therefore everything must be appearing to that No-thing.

Who is that which is aware of your body, your thoughts, your emotions…, even your Presence?

That which is aware of all of this…, is it at some distance from you?

And if it is at no distance from you, then where do you have to go to find it?

This is much ado about nothing: ‘I'm walking to find that which is at no distance from me’.

Where will we go? And we have tried going and going and going. Have we found something? So much ‘going’. Seeking is what? Going …, going…, going. Have we found something? We didn't find anything. Good, bad; spiritual good experiences, bad experiences. But is that it? So then if you're done with trying to go somewhere and find it, then try it my way, which is just to stay and see what is here already.

And what value would it be if it is somewhere else anyway?..., if it is not here? All our life it has not been here…, finding, finding. Then what's the point? [Laughs] One day if we discover it lying on the road, like a diamond: ‘Oh, the Self! Where were you all this time when I needed you?’ [Laughter] This is the magic show of the mind. It gives us these ideas. ‘When you find the Self, then you will only have bliss’. Like to your mind, it's a game: the magic lamp. First wish…, bliss.

If it cannot be here now, then there is no point to it. Because if it is something that comes and goes, there is no point to it and this is just more suffering. We will be happy when it comes; when it goes, then we will suffer.

So if you're done with the finding, with the going, with all our stories about freedom, then we see ‘I am just Here. All this time, I have always been That’.

What is it that you have always been? … irrespective of the state; waking state or sleep state, dream state? You say ‘My sleep, my dream, my waking’. Whose? Is it possible to find this ‘I’?

Right Now, Stay Still and Recognize What is Here

So, the presumption is that we start now as if we are bound. The presumption, which is a mental presumption, is that we start bound and we must get to freedom. But what do we find really? We find really that now there is no bondage. Isn't it? The mind might be taking some sensation and some life circumstance and telling you ‘But see? That is bondage. It's here now’. So, what I mean is that right now You are not bound. That which is Here is unbound.

But you have the power to pretend to be bound. Even to tell me how you are bound, you will first have to think about it. No? So, if you don't think about it, then what is your direct experience of what is here?

[Silence]

So in the direct experience of what is here, prior to any concept, if there is no trouble, then why do you want to pick up trouble?

And when we come to this place of clarity, then no concept is in service to you. Some of us are trying to complete our conceptual understanding of the Truth. But satsang is not for that. There are many books we can read. Actually if you want a conceptual framework, you don't even have to read so many books. The trouble is that the seeming-outward movement, including the seeming-outward movement of mental understanding, does not lead to contentment; or at best it leads to some momentary sense of satisfaction. ‘Oh, I understood it, finally’. Something like this can come.

Just like we saw yesterday, we've been finding, finding, finding, going, going, going, to find that which must be already here…, otherwise it is worthless. If the Self was not Here, what value would it have? Just another appearance which is coming and going? If it was found just as another object…, ‘I found the Self’…, then who is the subject of even that? Who are You who found it? You see? So if the sense ‘I found it’ is there, then also the sense of ‘I lost it’ can come.

[Silence]

The true finding is that ‘I didn't find anything at all. I just recognized that it was always Here’. That is why it's not a finding of the Self, but a recognition of That which always was.

[Silence]

And I'm starting to realize more and more that, for many in the sangha, it is the fear of this openness of ‘What Is’. The fear of this nakedness that makes us want to run back to the ‘fig leaf’ of these concepts.

It is too pristine for the mind, It is too innocent…,

although none of these terms really apply to It.

[Guided inquiry]:

Right now, stay still. And recognize what is here.

Don't verbalize what is here; just recognize what is here.

[Silence]

And if the recognition seems to be that something phenomenal is here, then don't stop there. Find out if that which is aware of this phenomena is also phenomenal. Does it have a shape, size, form, color?

[Silence]

Don't run to any concept.

Don't be scared.

Allow all sensations to come.

[Silence]

Continue to allow everything to come, and to go.

Notice how Awareness remains untouched.

[Silence]

And remain still.

Don't go to any idea, any concept.

Let them all come and go.

[Silence]

Notice how you are not here as some ‘thing’

and that all things are appearing to you.

[Silence]

Notice how you are not here as somebody,

and the sensations of this body are also appearances for You.

[Silence]

Don't pick up any ideas.

Simply allow everything to come and go.

[Silence]

Who are You?

[Silence]

Are You a thing?

[Silence]

Who is aware of all things?

[Silence]

What does this Awareness look like?

[Silence]

Just stay with your recognition

and not with any concept about it.

[Silence]

How do you know that Awareness is here?

[Silence]

How do you know that you are aware?

[Silence]

What does this Awareness look like?

[Silence]

Who are you?

What are your attributes?

What is your color?

What is your size and shape?

Just look…

[Silence]

Look at the one that is looking.

What does that look like?

[Silence]

Allow all things to come and go.

[Silence]

Who is aware of all that you are perceiving?

[Silence]

YOU are aware of all that you are perceiving…,

But what does this ‘You’ look like?

What is your weight?

[Silence]

That which we call the world is only a series of experiences, of energetic movements.

Is any experience outside of you?

[Silence]

Who is aware of this space in which all experiences are happening?

[Silence]

Notice that no concept can define what You are.

[Silence]

As we come to the end of this contemplation, notice your tendency to go shopping in the world of concepts again. No concepts are needed.

[Silence]

Allow all ideas to come and go, but you remain empty of them.

[Silence]

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

If there were two, one that is Eternal and permanent, and one that was coming and going, then what is the one that is coming and going also be?

Can it be something other than that which is Eternal? The Eternal is the unchanging. From the perspective of this Eternity, nothing happened.

Therefore, as long as this realm of qualities still seems real to us, we use terms like ‘appearance’. And once it is seen that this realm of qualities is nothing at all, then we see that there is no difference between sleep state and waking state to That which I truly Am. Then even in the realm of qualities we can say that there is no realm of qualities.

But as long as it remains, the sense that ‘I’ wake up and ‘I’ go to sleep…, this ‘I Am-ness’…, as long as this ‘I Am-ness’ continues to feel like it is ‘I’ then it is best to not attach any attributes to this ‘I Am-ness’.

And then even this glorious and magnificent ‘I Am-ness’, the primordial One, opens a door to the discovery to That which is even before ‘I Am’.

That Seeing, which is prior to phenomenal perceiving, prior to the sense of sight, prior to the sense of seeing with the Seeing; that Knowing, which is prior to this conceptual knowledge, prior to all ideas, prior even to the primal idea ‘I Am’…, That to which nothing has ever happened…, That is what You always are, and will remain.

This pristine recognition. All the effort in the world is not helpful for this recognition. All the thinking and scriptures of the world will not help this recognition. All the talk about it will not be It. Because it is much simpler than any of that; prior to the concept of simple, it is.

Remain Open to Sharing with Integrity

Q: It does get recognized the moment some satsang was on, or the moment there is a silence or the moment that even for a fraction of a second it is being looked upon. But then I just felt like exposing it, because it could be the mind that's coming in between, and ‘Oh’…, out of memory, just brings it in; or stopping in between not to have a continuous inquiry. So I felt in my heart to bring it to your feet so that whatever it is, I don't know. And there is no feeling to keep it or get rid of it; but there is a feeling to expose it.

Very good, very good. And I'm also happy that this openness, this integrity is there.

When you spot that something that…, it doesn't seem like much but if something still is there which seems to get your belief, you're open enough to bring it to satsang, open enough to expose it in this way. As long as this openness is there, then nothing sticky will stick on.

Shiv was asking about one of the pitfalls; some of the pitfalls. One of the biggest pitfalls is that we start feeling like we are now too special or too cool to bring up things in satsang, or we are so Advaita now that nothing ever happens to us. You see? Then that is one of the pitfalls.

You will find that as long as this realm continues, there will be moments of belief. Now, they will become more and more negligible, you see? But we don't need to pre-empt that.

You must always remain open to sharing with integrity, then we are not getting stuck in a mental trap of specialness or arrogance.

Who Is Suffering from This Fear?

Q: How do I live in the world, in this half-dazed mood? And I'm asking for some confirmation..., I don't know of what.

In the questions that you've asked in satsang it becomes apparent that the sense of 'How I will live my life?' or 'How I am going to manage myself in the world with my clients, with my friends, with my relationships?'…, all of this has been given a lot of belief in the past. So now as we are coming to the recognition that You don't exist in this way; you have never really lived your life, the one who has been saying 'I live my life this way', never really existed.

As we are coming to this recognition then some of these fears are bound to come, it is very natural for them to come. In these cases we can say 'Let's stand our ground and let's see how it unfolds'. Because actually it has always been just been a beautiful unfolding. There has been no Lucia who has been living her life. Now there can be a subtle sense that Lucia is coming to the recognition of who she is, but even this is not true. It is not Lucia; in fact it is seen that Lucia is just a label for Nothing. The fear can be 'Now how can Lucia live her life now?' She never was.

Q: [Laughter] Mm.

Life has been living itself, or we can say God has been living life, or Life has been living Itself, or as my Master [Mooji] says 'Existence takes care of existence'. But I understand what you are asking because there can seem to be this period of transition between you seemingly personally living your life to this handover to God or Being or Consciousness; whatever term we want to use. And it doesn't go. It hardly ever goes, [inaudible], because the mind will take on even this idea and say 'Now, see? I am handing it over to God; therefore it should go in this particular way'. But it doesn't.

And as we find that no matter how this life seems to be unfolding, the Truth of what I Am, the untouched, unconcerned, unchanging reality of what I Am, is unaffected by the circumstances of this life. Then that is true Freedom because true Freedom cannot be an insistence that 'My life should only be good according to my mind'. True Freedom cannot be the insistence that 'My life should be only in this particular way which mind is defining for me'. True Freedom must be that which allows everything to show up in the appearance as and when it wants to. And as I say this, if some fear comes that is also very good because it shows us that to which we are still attached. You see?

Q: There is a lot of fear.

So when we look at the messaging behind the fear, the interpretation behind the fear, it points us to our attachments; which is also a great gift because we can inquire into these attachments and ask 'Whose are these? Who is attached to these?' And these attachments also lose their power.

So just like in the past every appearance was taken personally or most appearances were taken personally and used to reinforce the idea of personhood, now because the urge is for this Freedom all these appearances are now opportunities for Self-inquiry. Just like 'A Course in Miracles' would say 'Just another forgiveness opportunity’.

And what is the true meaning of forgiveness? It is not 'Oh, I forgive you'. It is not that. Forgiveness is just this simple allowing of all things to come and go without holding a grievance, without holding resentment. This is openness. Openness to being vulnerable as well, to feeling this fear. Only when we allow it to be experienced completely will we become open to it.

Q: What's the best question to ask when this fear arises?

Was your question? 'What is the best question to ask when this fear arises?'

Q: Yes. So the fear is here, I am experiencing the fear and if I experience it at other times outside of satsang, what would be the best question to inquire into?

Yes. So now if it is just an energetic sensation of fear...,

Q: Yeah, it's a strong energetic, a strong energetic sensation in around my heart and third chakra.

Yes. So if this energetic sensation of fear is there then the best question to ask is 'Who is suffering from this fear?'

Q: Okay.

'Who is the suffer-er of this?' And you will find that although there is a tasting and an experiencing of this fear, there is nothing in reality which is really suffering from it, there is nobody in reality that is really suffering from it. And therefore when we see that it is just another experience then that becomes Openness. And all sensations, as we are open to them, they are quicker to dissolve than if we are resisting them.

Q: When you asked 'Who is suffering this fear?' the immediate answer was 'Nobody'.

Yes, but was this answer a conceptual answer or was it seen that it was Nobody?

Q: It was...,

Was it just a thought?

Q: An experience..., well, no, it was a Knowing.

Yes.

Q: There was something that said 'Nothing is experiencing this'.

Very good. So rest in this Knowing. That which Knows this fear, that which Knows even this fear, is That also fearful?

Q: No, it's not fearful. Then there is a thought 'Then who the heck is experiencing the fear?'

There is only one experiencer which is Being or Consciousness itself. You see? But it is not suffering from its experiencing.

Q: Mm, oh, so it's feeling it but it's not suffering from it at the same time?

Yes, yes. That is why this example I've been using the last few days about paying for fear...,

Q: Yeah.

You see, if it was only suffering that came with fear then why would we ever pay for a horror movie? So it's just another experience. The interpreter comes and says 'But this should not be here'. But to argue with what is here, what is that...?... (Shiv is here so he can remind me what Byron Katie says)…, 'If you argue with this seeming...'

Q: Argue with a limitation?

Shiv: You want me to say this, Father?

Yes, yes, yes.

Shiv: “If you argue with reality you lose, but only one hundred percent of the time.”

So when she uses the term ‘reality’ it's obviously different from how we define reality but what she is saying that when we argue, (which is the mind conflicting with what is a phenomenal appearance), then mind cannot win because the fear is there no matter how much it thinks it should not be. Actually it only energizes it more and more.

Following The Heart: The Presence of Love

Q: Yes, so I wanted to ask you, (I mean I'd written this in the chat also), if you could say something about following your heart in the moment? And when I asked you about the pitfalls; I mean the sense of doership that could come with that, or any concept that could come with that following your heart moment, if you could say something about that?

Yes. First it is important to understand what we mean by Heart. And you understand this. But for most of humanity in this world which we come across…, when most appear to say 'I follow my heart, I'm not such a mind person, I'm a heart person' they're usually referring to some sort of an emotional center, you see? They're referring to 'This is what I feel like doing, therefore I'm doing it'. That is what we mean by 'Following The Heart'.

Now as Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] used the word Heart, we are talking about the following the sense of Being itself, the Presence itself. So what does it mean? We are following the intuitive voice which is the voice of Being itself.

So just so that everybody is clear about what we are saying; It is seen in this realm that we have access to two apparent voices. One is the obvious one, which is the voice of the mind, which is saying 'What's in it for me, me, me, me, me?' Everything is about the ‘me, me me’. You see? And this one now starts to seem a bit smelly after you come to satsang. This one is always wanting something, is always wanting to be special when compared to our brothers and sisters, always wanting something for this for this non-existent ‘me’. So it smells needy, it smells like it wants; like it's grasping for something.

Now as we leave our allegiance to this voice, and there is this sense that 'Come what may, I am not going with what the mind is telling me'..., although this declaration might be a belief and has to drop off ultimately…, then we find that either there is just complete silence; and yet activities and actions seem to unfold on their own; and then it is seen that it is this Being itself that is moving all of these appearances within Itself, and then everything just becomes one beautiful unfolding. Or it can seem like there's a more loving, more spacious, more beautiful voice which becomes available to us. And it can be experienced in different ways, either as an audio voice which is heard or some sense of visual guidance can come. But you can smell the difference between the mental voice and This voice, mostly because of the presence of love. But also because of the presence of not rushing; very spacious, infinitely patient. This is the voice that we can trust.

But as we are getting used to trusting This voice, (now we are getting to the pitfalls part), the mind can come and pose as if it is This voice. You see? Mind can come and pose as if it is your intuitive Presence itself. But you will be able to smell for it. And if there's even a bit of doubt that 'Is this coming from my Heart? Or is this just the same old mind pretending to be the Heart?'…, then drop whatever it is saying. Because the Heart is not in a rush and it does not mind. You see? If it is, (and in the dropping of it you will realize the mind will resist), if the mind is resisting then you know it was a mental voice anyway.

So it's sounding like a bit of work as I am saying it but actually you will find it is very natural. So like this, when it is not clear where the voice is coming from 'Is it still personal or is it intuitive guidance?' then don't listen to that voice, don't believe even this voice.

Then you will find that in this voice, there is no inclination to try and use it for some sort of personal benefit, or try to fix some life situation using our intuition; or something like that. And then you will see that it seems like the only purpose of this voice appearing here is for it to shine the Presence on all those who come into your Presence, shine the words in this way, to point all those who come to you to the Truth of what they are.

And then what you find is all the so called 'day to day stuff' is just unfolding on its own, without believing the mental voice. And the sharing, or the pointing of the Truth, is the using of this voice, is the using of this body by this voice.

What Would Be The Best Work?

Q: Father, there's something over here which almost wants to throw a huge tantrum.

We have a club for that. [Laughter]

Q: It's as if something feels like is not getting its way and it wants to scream and shout and..., it's not a bad thing, there's a feeling that it's not a bad thing but the thing that's coming up seems so..., seems so like strong and it just wants to like..., when your eyes were closed, I just wanted to scream and say like 'Father open your eyes. I need to come up'. I don't know what's happening, Father. I just don't have like...,

Let's go slowly. Something wants to throw a tantrum, okay. Now what else is there? Is that the only thing? Or something else is also there? Is there this ‘something’ and there is a You? Or is there just this something that is You?

Q: No, Father there is ‘something’ and there is Me.

Yes, now why you want to report on that something?

Q: Just I think because...,

[Laughter] If it is not You, then you're just watching it. And if that thing wants to throw a tantrum, it will, I know.., [Laughter] and you will watch that also. Okay, throw the tantrum. Let's see what it sounds like. Now what is the major complaint?

[Both laugh]

Q: I don't know, Father. It feels like I can't function. Father, I can't function in day to day life. It's really intense and the kids they've been both like..., I've been so short tempered with them because I am supposed to perform these duties as a mother and I'm just..., I have no, no energy to do it and I'm..., there's something, I'm pushing myself to do it. And I'm trying to inquire 'Who is this I who is pushing? Who is pushing who to do it?' and I can't... What's happening, Father? I feel like I'm non-functional.

But even now the functioning is happening, no?

Q: Yes, Father, to come for satsang then all the functioning is happening!

[Laughter]

That's the tantrum.

Q: No, like half an hour before satsang, (because I needed to come to satsang), I'm like spending quality time with the kids and getting them ready to go to the park and suddenly the whole rush of energy has come in. But otherwise it's just like..., I feel like I'm some..., uh, I don't know. I just feel like, I don't know Father, I just feel like complaining.

[Laughter]

I remember one time, maybe more than a year ago, one of the sangha members, she had two or three of her family members in the hospital and lots of things were happening at the same time. So she was tending to this one, tending to that one, and some were really serious in the ICU or something was happening. And I called her up, (she was in Australia at that time), so I spoke to her and she said 'I don't know' (or something like this, I'm paraphrasing a bit because I don't remember accurately but she said something like…) 'There's this to do and there's this to do and there's this to do and my body here feels so completely exhausted that I don't have the energy to move a muscle, to move an inch'. And I saw that the response that came from here was that 'Whatever is really required to be done, the energy for that will also come'.

So what happened over there is that I spoke to her or she sent me a message the next day saying exactly that, that whatever really had to be done, the energy arose; it came up for that and the body moved, everything just happened. You see?

The thing is that the mind comes and it says 'But see, you don't have the energy for this also, you're not taking good care of the kids also, you're not doing a good job at work also'. Yes, so all of these complaints the mind is having actually, because mind is trying to make the pretend person out of you again. And it's saying that 'If you leave it up to This that is just here, this Consciousness, this Being, then it's not going to move; you're going to be a terrible mother'.

But how do you know these things? Maybe your one instant of your being around them without carrying the sense of personhood would be better than ten lifetimes of you being a wonderful mother. How does the mind know any of this?

So don't go on these just small, small things. And I can tell you that there is no greater mother to have than to have a mother who is not a person at all; who is not pretending to be a person at all. What a great blessing and a great gift it is for the kids. So this is what I see; that the kids are actually being blessed because there mother is in satsang with openness and recognizing who she is. Although what does the mind say? 'Oh look, now because you come to satsang, look at this! You are not taking care of the kids'. It's all rubbish. It's the same mind that makes brother fight his brother about lines in the sand 'This is my country, this is...'

Q: I don't feel like playing with them or doing any activities or anything. So I feel like the mind is saying I don't spend any quality time with them anymore.

Yes so that's what I'm saying; what would be the best quality time? The best quality time for anyone in this appearance in this realm would be to come to the Darshan of God, to come into the Presence of God. So as we are removing the person out of the picture then the unfiltered, unadulterated Presence of God is here.

Don't go with your minds report card. If you fall into that trap again it will sell you all these stories. It's not about activity, activity, activity all the time; that is just fed to us culturally.

There is no higher quality than to be in the Presence of those who have dropped the idea of being a person.

Then you will find not just your kids are calling you mother, people from all over the world are calling you Mother. [Laughter] How it happened here? There was no plan to be called Father. You see I have two kids also, there was no plan that I'll have, you know, so many from all over the world who called me Father. You know I didn't do that. They must be finding some quality time, you see. [Laughter]

So it is not about that, because the, the mind can come like this and tell us that 'Don't share satsang, do it just once a month' or something like this. 'You have kids, you have responsibilities, you have other employees who rely on you'. All these stories of the mind; if you keep buying them, it is the same old person idea.

So we are astronauts, what is our discovery? Which space, which realm are we discovering? This realm of Seeing. What happens when we drop these ideas of individuality, of identity? It's a worthwhile endeavor. In any case, in a few years if your kids have some real complaints they can come to the hangout and tell me 'Because of you, this is what happened'.

Q: Just the mind trying to...

Yes. But now you must not fall for some special mind trick. Don't fall for the same old, same old ones. Hm? Let's not fall for the same old April Fool's Day trick. Let it be a little creative, let it come up with something innovative, let it do some hard work. 'You're not being a good mother. What about work?' All this we've looked at. It's okay, the same old stuff. Now what else does it have?

Q: Just this mother thing and this work thing I put on the ‘Heart Altar’ [a sharing group], before the mind snowballed into something big. I wanted to, I was just checking myself at the right time, not letting it..,

It's very good. It's very good to do this. No need for any fear from the mind also.

Q: There doesn't seem to be any fear, it just seems to be..., this lethargy and no energy to do anything; some work related. But just wanted to put it out, Father. Just didn't want to carry it forward anymore because the mind, the thoughts, have been the mosquito, like you said. But I just wanted to, didn't want it to bend on itself.

Very good. Can we all agree today there's, maybe a few of us who are listening), can we all agree that if we are to look at this concept of work and there was a doer here who could do some work, then what is the best work that this doer could be doing in this realm?

Is it the making of money which is the best work? Getting more plastic and more metal and paper? What could be the best work, if there was a doer? If all of us were doers and we say 'Okay, now we are going to do the best work!' What would the best work be?

Q: What we are doing just now.

Exactly. According to the mind, this the worst work, is being lazy and wasting our life. 'What are we doing? What is the point of it anyway?' That's the minds voice. What is it going to give you?

Q: Nothing, Father, nothing. The mind can give nothing. Only trouble. Thank you, Father.

Thank you, my dear.

Dissolution of the Idea of Personhood is Freedom

This mind is so tricky. It will give you very beautiful ideas. The reality of You is already complete. It doesn't need anything at all. Because even a beautiful idea, if we buy it..., ‘Something just wants to dissolve or fall’…, then something keeps saying ‘Yes, yes. Almost fallen, almost. Just have to take one last step’. Don't fall for the idea that you have to fall. Don't fall for any ideas. Don't worry about what happens next.

As we are dropping these ideas, fear can come. And the message will come: ‘What's going to happen now?’ Stay, stay. Don't move. Let these ideas come and go. Then it might seem like even the body is shaking; so much fear sometimes it feels like. Or sometimes so much bliss can come. Don't make any judgments about it, don't go with any conclusions about it. Let all of this also come and go. Because your reality is not shaking. The truth is not moving. And if we did not have this power to pretend, the power to believe, then none of these appearance ever would seem to have any of this personal juice.

But you're here because you're done with the personal juice. Now you want the nectar of immortality, not this personal achievement.

But it feels to you that you don't know how to drop this sense of personal achievement; therefore the sense of freedom also you want to achieve personally. That is not possible. The sense of freedom also you want to achieve personally, but that is not possible. It is the dissolution of this idea of personhood which is freedom.

And the best news is that there is no person. Right now, there is none. Who is clear that right now there is no person? Let's see a show of hands. So, now, don't go with anything that is personal. And what is personal? Only the voice of this mind.

The recognition that ‘There is no person, I am this Awareness’ is already here now.

Now all that is happening in the play is the dropping of all that is false, all our false beliefs. Now if you're trying to get rid of the false, if you're trying to lose weight, then don't eat the hamburger thoughts. Losing the weight of conditioning, and continuing to feast on conditioning; that is not it.

There's a restaurant in UK, (if I'm not wrong), where you just sit at your table and there's a conveyor belt in front of you. You been there? So what happens is that all these tables are around this conveyor belt. Our habit has become so much to not just look, [but also to pick up]. So ‘giving our attention’ is looking at whatever is coming, and ‘giving it belief’ is taking it to eat it, to consume it. So our habit has been so much [like this]. And then you say ‘I want to lose weight, but I'm not going to stop until the conveyor belt stops. So how do I lose weight?’ And I say ‘You can't stop looking, because you're too curious right now, so you look; but at least you can avoid the taking and the eating’. Then you say ‘No, I want to lose weight, but I want to continue to eat’. Then I say ‘Then enjoy the play; enjoy the food at least’.

So, a thought comes with some temptation. On this conveyor belt a very fancy dish comes; so attention goes. You're looking, it's passing by, almost gone; you pick it up, you eat it up. Then the next thought, the next dish, that comes on the conveyor belt is what? ‘You shouldn't have done that!’ [Laughs] And you're looking at that, and you're too quick to pick up that one, and then next ‘dish’ on the conveyor belt is what? ‘See, now you're stuck in this’. And you pick up that. The chef is very smart. This is how we seem to just keep ‘putting on weight’.

Many of us seem to keep putting on a lot of spiritual weight also, with spiritual concepts, spiritual ideas. We're consuming concepts; so many, so many; ideas, ideas…

Realizations Can Get Made Into A Concept

Q: Father, what's happening with me is like, when I check inside, it is... in that moment, it is completely clear, that it's untouched awareness. But what happens is...

When I check inside, this is very...

Q: In that moment...

[Laughter] You are the only one, in this entire world of 7 billion right now, who must be making this kind of statement. So let' enjoy, let me enjoy that what you say. When I check right now then...

Q: In that instant, it is completely clear that I am just witnessing.

Yes.

Q: Completely witnessing.

Yes. Very good.

Q: And then what happens is, within a fraction of a second, it becomes a concept that 'I am Awareness'. And I see that it's the mind, picking up the concept within a fraction of a second.

The mind gives you the concept, and it comes on the conveyor belt.

Q: Yes.

And then you're too tempted to eat it.

Q: It happens, like...

It happens..

Q: It is bought.

It is bought. Okay. So if you find, that there are these persistent beliefs…, like even 'I am Awareness' can just be...

Q: After that the thoughts, they don't come related to person. It comes related to 'I am Awareness'. And that is more trouble, because...

Yes. So, if the thought is believed, 'I am Awareness', 'I am God', you see, and it is believed, then what will happen is that the way it manifests itself in some specialness or arrogance or something.

Q: Yeah.

Because if it's just conceptual like this...

Q: As the checker guy.

As the checker guy. Very good, very good. It becomes. ‘Now you're Awareness, now don't become the person’. You see?

Q: Yeah. ‘It shouldn't be happening to me; I am Awareness' …, in day to day life.

Yes.

Q: So this is what's happening.

Yes, but this is okay, because if you keep coming to satsang you will see them very fast, or you will see them in the light of inquiry in satsang very fast. So these will not last, if you keep coming to satsang. There are many who will take it up conceptually, and then say, 'I am Awareness so why do I have to listen to satsang anymore? I can just...’

Q: No, I can see that it gives suffering, so...

Yes, so it gives suffering.

Q: Yes, it's good. In a way it's good. So is there anyway like I can stop it in that fraction of a section to become it a concept? Like when I check in that moment it is completely clear, it is Awareness. So is there anything that can be done to make it..., to avoid it as a concept?

So as you find that there's a sense of not giving belief to most other things, you see, let's go back to the conveyor belt. Now, there are some things which now you're saying like are dessert, and if you love dessert then it seems to just get picked up, you see. But, once you start with appetizers, main course, all of these, 6 courses in the 7 course meal, then you're not picking up. The little bit of weight you are adding on is through this dessert. But you will find that as you are emptying yourself of the other 6, you'll find more a sense of even not giving belief to these, you see. Because what I don't want you to do, is pick up concepts like ‘Now I'm getting stuck with this’.

Q: Yeah, I literally...

So drop this one, because it is not talking to Awareness.

Q: Yes.

You say that my thoughts refer to Awareness. So that thought which says ‘I'm getting stuck with this idea that I am Awareness'. Drop this idea, first. That I'm getting stuck with this idea of Awareness.

Q: Yeah.

Drop all the auxiliary stuff, and then if this is the only thing that remains, then this will also drop. Because everything in the tree of conditioning is inter-dependent. So as you're dropping, dropping, dropping, just like if you're pulling one leg of the table, you see, then the entire table will come, so you don't have to worry. Because this itself is very sneaky. The mind is saying ‘See now, this still happens to you. You said my mind now is only talking about me as Awareness’. But when it says that ‘I'm stuck with this idea that I am Awareness'…, who is it referring to you as?

Q: The person who owns the Awareness.

Exactly. The person who wants to be free, or be enlightened, is believed in, because it has made it personal now. ‘In ‘my’ case, this is what is happening’.

Q: Yeah, because I can see that there is a fear also to not check, just because in a fraction of a second it will become a concept. I can see that.

Okay, now let's see…, became a concept? The concept can come and dance in front of you.

Q: Yeah, it is coming.

Yes, let it come. It's okay. Who is the concept appearing to? Is that also a concept? The idea, 'I am Awareness' is appearing to who?

Q: It's me, only. It's appearing to me.

So, in this way, as you check and you just know that’ I'm not going to buy any of these appearances, especially the voice of the mind, it will not last’. And don't..., if you want to pick up the idea 'I am Awareness' …

[Break due to technical issues]

When you're on a diet, can the solution ever be to eat more food? So, you ate something that you didn't want to. It happens in every diet [laughter]. So can the solution to that ever be ‘Okay, let me pick up that, you know, block of Rocky Road ice cream from the freezer and have that also’. It cannot be. So it can never be about coming to a conclusion about what happened in the past. To buy the guilt thought is to say that ‘Okay, I ate a salad when I was supposed to be on a water diet, so let me now eat a dessert’. You see what I'm saying?

Q: Yeah.

That's exactly how a guilt thought is. The most fattening. So you ate a very harmless thought, and the guilt says “See, now you're useless, worthless, you're losing all of it’…, and then in that process, you're eating the ice cream, the sundae.

Q: Yes, because I can see there was some guilt, because uh, I missed 2 or 3 satsangs because of the fear that if I go to satsang and if I check, then it is completely clear who I am. But in a fraction of a second it will become a concept and it will give me suffering.

[Laughter] Yes. Who? Who will it give? Who will pick up the concept? There is still an 'I' saying that ‘I check. I find. This I what happens to me’. This is just the same guy. Sometimes acting like the checker guy; sometimes acting like the finder guy. And this one is also reliant on thoughts. The dieter is nonexistent. The only difference in our story is that there is nobody here to lose weight. You see? And yet, because it has been given so much belief, it seems like it is here. And anything we believe about this false one just adds to the weight of conditioning.

Q: Yeah.

The recognition of what we are is like going to the gym; lose 1,000 calories in the recognition. I don't know about this example [Laughter]. You see, it's just stretching itself out on its own [laughter]. The inquiry 'Who am I?' or the recognition based on the inquiry 'Who am I?' is already very helpful in the dropping of the conditioning. But it doesn't mean that because the recognition is there, now I'm free to keep eating all the food that I want. If you still keep believing all the false ideas, then it still continues, you see. And this is the cause of a spiritual trap also. Because for most actually in the world, they feel that…

[Interruption due to technical issue].

You see, so one of the most prominent beliefs in spirituality is that ‘The instant I've recognized who I am, I'm done with suffering, and I'm done with all personhood and egotism’. That itself becomes a big aspect of the conditioning, you see.

Q: Yeah I can see that, because it is even more important to come to satsang after this recognition. I can say that.

Yes, yes.

Q: Otherwise, it will become a concept.

Know that if you're doing something out of fear, then there is a belief in the mind. So you had this fear that ‘When I come to satsang, and then when I check ‘I am Awareness’ the mind will give me this concept, and I'm very quick to buy it’. You see? And then ‘You better not go then’.

Q: Yeah I literally bought it for 2 days..., 2, 3 days.

But now as we're looking through it, it seems so funny; it seems to be. Isn't it?

Q: Yes, yes.

It can be so sneaky.

Q: Yes, yes. And that is the main reason I wanted to come to Bangalore, because it was so subtle.

Yes.

Q: Thank you.

Thank you. [Silence].

So now, just allow the conveyor belt to come and go with whatever it is bringing. And you can look at it if you have to, but don't pick it up.

This is a Recognition, Not an Understanding

[Long silence with questioner]

There really is nothing.

Q: It's transparent.

It's transparent.

Q: What Sees, Father? What Sees?

That which is Seeing, this primal Seeing, is not a ‘What’. That is what the mind cannot come to terms with. As you are discovering; that it is not a ‘What’…, (because you're saying that there is nothing here); this is the recognition. There is no-thing, and yet Seeing IS.

Q: Knowing, yeah?

Seeing, Knowing, Awareness…, whatever the term.

There is no Seer, there is no Knower; there is just this Seeing, the Knowingness.

Q: The one that wants to ‘figure out’ is just a voice.

Exactly.

The one that even wants to ‘figure out’ is just the voice that represents nobody.

Q: It's only about openness, Father; complete acceptance of What Is, Right Now.

He says ‘It's only about openness; complete acceptance of What Is’.

Q: I have one question, Father, about doership; the illusion of doership. A thought comes and then it is seen to be played out. So I'll give you an example. In the morning, there was an important email that I had to send to work. I didn't send it…, and I'm not the doer, right?

So, who didn't send it?

Q: So, the not-sending was an appearance. Right?

Just as the sending would have been, the non-sending is also an appearance.

Q: Right. And it's quite something.

It's a good thing you don't have a boss. [Chuckles]

Q: Yeah. [Laughs] So all this burden of life…, I did nothing to get here. I did nothing to get here.

Who…, ‘I’?

Q: There was nothing done to get here, rather. Not ‘I’…, but there was nothing done to get here.

Nothing has ever been done, because there has been no ‘doer’.

Q: So, I don't need any intelligence to live this life; there's no intelligence required in this life.

I'm not police-ing this ‘I’…, I'm just wondering. You know why I'm looking at that, is because sometimes, this recognition and the words in satsang…, something tries to make a personal strategy out of it. It should not become that ‘Oh, I got the cheat code to life now. This is all I have to do: I don't have to do anything’.

Q: No, I don't mean it from that sense. I mean it from the sense that ‘All doership is false’. It's just happening.

Yes. Like I was saying yesterday, we feel we are moving the hand but you don't know how to move the hand; the mind doesn't know how to move the hand. It doesn't know how to fire the neurons, it doesn't know what they are also.

Q: So, Who am I? [Laughs]

Yes. Who are you? So, if you're not this, you're not Krishna, then what else is here? Then Krishna is not here…

Q: I don't know who I am. If I forget the words ‘freedom’ and the words ‘Awareness’ and the words ‘Consciousness’…, any word, Father…

Yes, forget, forget….

Q: … there is just This. [Silence] But nothing has been done to be here. When I take a flight, that is a complete appearance; but why do I know it now? [Laughs]

[Laughs] Would you rather not know it now also? ‘Why is it so apparent even when the actions are not happening? ‘Is that it?

Q: No, no. What I'm saying is that I'm taking a flight in two hours apparently, so why am I saying ‘I'm going to take a flight’? Where is that…, so that is what creates stickiness about it. And the reason why I am asking is about doership, Father, is that it's the strongest; it's what keeps this ‘me’ alive.

This is very good. So let's look at this. ‘This doership is what keeps the ‘me’ alive. That's why Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said there are only two ways. One is to surrender, which is to say ‘I am no longer the doer; it's all You’ which then dissolves the ‘me’. Or to inquire into the nature of this ‘me’ and see that there is no ‘me’. So doership keeps the ‘me’ alive; therefore the two so-called methods, (which are ultimately one), have been prescribed. So, based on your temperament, you can have one or the other, or a bit of both.

Q: And the one that needs to understand all of this…, there is no need to understand.

Yes. There is no need to understand anything at all conceptually. So that is why this is not an understanding, that kind of understanding. This is more of a recognition.

Q: So that negates the mind, right? Because the mind is the only thing trying to understand this.

Yes.

Q: In this moment, other than the mind giving me a picture, there is no idea what will happen next. Right?

Exactly. Yes. There might not be a next moment at all.

Q: And the only thing is this ‘me’.

The only one that dies is the one that never existed in the first place. [Silence] The fantasy of the ‘me’ dissolves.

Q: Right, right. Only ‘me’ keeps you and I separate. You know?

Yes. Exactly. The illusory separation is only dependent on the idea of ‘me’.

Q: I don't need to know who I am…, do I? I can never know, on one level.

Know…, with a small ‘k’.

Q: Yes. It's trippy, Father.

[Laughs] Yeah. It's beyond any trip the mind can take.

Q: There has been so much fear to die. The whole life…, you just don't want to die. You know? That's the premise of life is that ‘Death shouldn't happen to me’…, to that one that is not actually even alive.

Yes.

Q: I was very angry with you, Father, you know?

I know. You told me. But I have to be honest and say I just laughed.

Q: I know, I know, I know. [Look of love on his face and radiant smile] So did I, Father.

Q: So, the mind is not needed, at all.

At all.

Q: What has to happen, will happen. And what cannot happen, won't happen. And I'm just watching it.

Yes.

Q: I have no idea what I'm saying, Father.

It's very good. I'm enjoying very much.

Q: When it's not sure, actually, when it's not been clear what this voice is, there's been no hearing of any voice, you know? Because I have no idea what to believe, what not to believe. It's just giving so much that it's best not to believe anything.

It's funny that before I met Guruji, I used to work at Cisco. And there what happened is that we had this group of friends, we would talk about these things. So one day, one new one came. And one day, at 6:00 after work we'd say ‘Okay, let's gather around; coffee’ and we'd talk about these things. So one day I just said…, (and someone new came)…, and I was saying something about the voice in your head not being true. And they were like ‘What?! You have a voice in your head? Did you get it checked out? You hear voices?’ [Big laughter in the room] It was the voice itself which was saying this. But it feels so intimate before we start looking. We say ‘What voice in the head?’ The voice is saying ‘What voice in the head?’

Q: It's like a magnetic pull to it; like a magnet that voice is just seductive.

Yes, so seductive. Okay, one more funny thing happened. Then in this group there was one boy, young boy. So he used to come every day and he was just enjoying, enjoying, enjoying. Then one day he just exploded: ‘What are you saying? All this stuff, all this ‘Who am I?’…, what's the point? I have a safe target to get to and every day when I come in here…’ And then later, when something cooled off, he apologized and said ‘I'm so sorry. I don't know what…, I realized something. I was starting to feel attacked. I didn't want that’. And he didn't come back actually. That day was his last.

Q: We cannot resist what is appearing, because actually you can't avoid it. It's just there.

As long as you're clear about who the ‘I’ is, then none of this can ever cause any trouble.

Q: This ‘I’ comes with a sensation, Father. This ‘me’ has this real kind of restrictive, constrictive quality and it's more and more visible quite quickly as to who / what is speaking. I wouldn't say that…, because it only brings negativity with it. It doesn't bring anything positive.

…meaningful.

Q: The voice is always just about ‘me’. And that's not a great feeling. All one can do is not hear the voice of the mind. That's all that is possible.

Yes. And ‘not hear’ means ‘not believe’.

Q: Yeah. Not believe. Yeah. [Silence] It's so funny; an insight from two hours ago is gone. It's only about this … point.

Yes.

Q: [Long silence] Is this true, Father, that either there's an object that is believed in…, or there's just Knowing of that?

An object, per say, cannot be believed in. It is only the interpretation about an object. And then, what is the second part?

Q: Then, when perspective shifts, then there's just awareness of that and whatever else.

And the sense of separation also, the subject/object separation, also dissolves. Because unless we are labeling …

Q: That has not been the….

No, actually it is your experience. Just if you See anything, if there is no labeling, if you're not buying the label about anything, it's already one there. You can find no two. You find no distinction between the object and the Knowing of it.

Q: It's good to be in the space of ‘I don't know’ actually, because then there's no concept that comes in that space actually. The minute I leave that space then some concept…

Right. Yes, mucky quicksand of the mind.

Q: Yeah. Even who I am, I don't know. [Silence] …..I Am….. [Long silence] …..It's just a sense of emptiness, and also there's Awareness of that emptiness.

How Do I Get Rid of This ‘Person’ and This Suffering?

Q: Father, there's a lot of suffering, a lot of suffering. Sometimes the concern for children is so much that it becomes really unbearable. I mean, I become very panicky. And I don't feel like doing anything. I just don't want to go out, I want to sit in a lonely place and just listen to satsang; that's all. But then again, there's a feeling of ‘what if’…, I mean this would have an adverse impact on children. I don't know how to deal with this fear, Father.

What is the fear? ‘If I'm in satsang, that will have an adverse impact’…, is it?

Q: Yes, all the time, I mean, doing nothing and just sitting in satsang and yeah…, I'm constantly worried ‘What would the children think?’ You know? And my concern for them is also so much that it does become like an obsession. If they're not doing well in school, I lose my sleep. Father, very difficult.

So, right now is there suffering? Q: Well, yes, a bit.

So, okay, if right now there is suffering, is every part of you suffering?

Q: Every part of the body. Every part of you. Is every part of you suffering?

Q: Yes.

Every part is suffering. And that which Witnesses the suffering…, that is also suffering?

Q: No.

Is that outside of you? That which Witnesses suffering, That which Witnesses sensations, That which Witnesses all of this play, what is happening to That one? Is that somebody else?

Q: No. But the sensation of suffering is so over-powering that …

For That one? For the Witness, it is over-powering? Who is it over-powering?

Q: It becomes very difficult to cope with the anxiety.

Yes, the sense of anxiety is there, the sense of suffering is there, but isn't there also this Witness which remains untouched by any of this? That which is looking, is That also suffering, is That also anxious?

Q: No, Father, actually it becomes so overwhelming; the fear, the anxiety that I start reacting.

Yes, because you have put your ‘I’ in the wrong place. You put your ‘I’ in the place of movement. You say ‘That which is moving, that which is anxious, that which is suffering I’.

I am saying that when we look, we find that ‘I’ in reality is not touched by these sensations of anxiousness, by the sense of suffering. Now, don't go with what your mind is saying about this. When you look, what do you find?

Q: A lot of noise and a lot of sensations.

That is also Seen. What happened to the Seer? Are you the noise? Or are you the Witness of the noise?

Q: [Long silence]

Actually it is impossible not to suffer if you believe yourself to be an appearance; that which is changing, moving, coming and going. Because it is this sense of change, this lack of stability which itself IS suffering.

Is the ocean suffering because the wave is going up and down? And if you are the wave which is going up and down, then who is aware of this wave, the ups and downs; who is the Witness of them? Is that also going up and down?

Q: No, actually…, but the thoughts arise and subside in such an intensity.

Wait for the next intense thought, and tell me how it is so intense? What is so intense about it?

Q: Like for example, if my child is not doing well in school…, so it creates a lot of fear in the mind.

The thought in itself is not intense, because to one who has no children if the thought comes ‘Oh, my child is not doing well’ it is meaningless. So the content of the thought could be the same, but the intensity depends on how much you believe it. And the belief in the thought is dependent upon what you believe yourself to be. That is the root of this suffering: ‘The false belief that I have about myself’.

And there is no end of suffering if we go like this, trying to sort out ‘my life’, to give ‘myself’ some better experiences; as long as we don't clarify this ‘me’. Either we clarify this ‘me’ or we surrender this ‘me’…, only that is the end of suffering.

I know right now if you look, you will not find a Prachi [a ‘me’]. I've been asking for 3 years. Nobody has found it [a ‘person’]. So I can say with great confidence now that you will not find it. If you cannot find Prachi, why do you have to believe Prachi's thoughts?

Q: I feel that my participation is very important and if I don't participate in it, then …

Yes, but who? Who is this ‘I’ that must participate? For a minute, don't worry about the appearances. Don't worry about what is appearing and disappearing, just look at who is watching these appearances; who is looking at them? What can you say about that? Is that which is appearing and disappearing more intimate to you, or this unchanging Witnessing more intimate to you?

Q: The Witness, Father. The Witness.

So how about if we give some concern to this Witness for a change? Because we've given so much concern about that which has been appearing and disappearing. So how about instead we look for what the Witness ‘wants’. Because the Witness is closer, you see; closer than any appearance. So what does this Witness want?

Q: What can a Witness want, Father?

Okay, so the Witness cannot want anything, and the Witness is closest to what You are; therefore what can You want? You must be an appearance then to want something, if the Witness cannot want something. Then are you an appearance…, that you want something?

Q: [Long silence] Can I remain the Witness all the time? I mean, is it possible?

Okay, you tell me how you leave the Witness. I say it is impossible to leave the Witness; you prove me wrong. Don't be the Witness. Be something else.

The mind says ‘Can I remain as this all the time? Is it possible?’ I'm flipping the question around. I say: Can you not remain as this?

Stop witnessing, and show me.

Become an appearance and show me.

How will you become an appearance?

The false can never become Truth, and the Truth is never false. But you have the power to believe the false, and this belief is dropped away in the light of our looking.

We see that there's a Witnessing and there's the appearance. And you find that ‘I cannot become the appearance’. But only the mind speaks to you as if you are an appearance.

But even this appearance you cannot find; you cannot find the appearance of a ‘person’. We can find the appearance of a body, but the body has no concern about the children. The body is not frustrated because of some life event.

So this ‘I’ which says ‘Can I remain always as the Witness?’ cannot…, because this ‘I’ doesn't exist at all. It is just a voice that you're hearing, and believing. That which IS the Witness already is You.

Q: Father, is it really possible not to believe the thoughts that arise?

Yes. Believe me. [Laughs] Do you believe every thought?

Q: Yes, most of the time.

But any thought can come next, no? Any thought which will come next, you'll believe it?

Q: Yes, it happens.

If the thought is saying ‘Let's go to the moon tomorrow’ will you believe it?

Q: No.

Why…? Why is it not needed to believe our thoughts? Because the thoughts are always referring to you as the non-existent one.

No thought is meaningful to That which You really are; to Awareness. No thought is meaningful to That which you are playing as, which is Consciousness. Because God doesn't need a thought; and only God Is. Therefore there must be a belief somewhere that there is Consciousness AND there is Prachi…, and this Prachi with thoughts. But this Prachi you cannot find.

That which is running this universe, That which is running your body right now, what thought is it using to run your body, to beat your heartbeat..., or for all the organs to be functioning? So if this body is functioning on its own, the world is function on its own, what is this Prachi controlling?

Q: Father, why is it not so easy to implement this? Because you're buying all this. Okay, keep this one aside. Next! Don't believe the idea that ‘It's not so easy to implement’. Then right now, you have some trouble?

Q: [Silence]

Are you suffering right now in this moment, this instant?

Q: No.

Now, don't buy a thought. Remain here. Stay still. Let everything come and go; you don't move. Let the body move, but you don't move. [Silence] Suffering now?

Q: No.

Just stay Here. Is there anything difficult about this? Don't pick up a thought. Go with your own direct Seeing. Isn't it natural? You're just Here. [Silence] Now suffering?

Q: No.

Now you can only suffer if you buy some thought. So when the thought comes ‘But, but…, what about my children?’ then the inquiry is:

Who?

Whose children?

Who is speaking to whom?

The thought is ‘who’ and it wants to speak to ‘who’.

Let God be the parent, because only God IS.

Q: Yes, Father. I guess I'm too involved in their life.

Yes. But don't pick up this ‘I’. You see? Any time you pick up the thought, you pick up the idea that you are this ‘I’. God is very involved in God's life.

[Smiles] You know, it used to play like this a few months (or maybe years) ago. You know: ‘For a day, don't use the word ‘I’…, say God’. Even if it sounds like the most arrogant thing. So now speak as God. Let's see.

Q: I always have this question on my mind of ‘When would I awaken?’

When would God awaken?..., is the question.

Q: Yes. Ha ha ha ha.

You see, because we ourself say ‘God is everywhere’. If God is everywhere, then there cannot be a God and a ‘you’.

Q: Yes.

God is all there is. We cannot find this Prachi. We looked, we looked, we looked.

This Being we cannot stop. This is Consciousness, this is Beingness, this is that ‘I Am’ which is referred to in the Bible; ‘I Am that I Am’ God said. So This, we can find. So, let's use that Biblical definition; I Am Here means God is Here. There is no separate one here.

Many of us have this idea that there is a person sitting inside our head and driving something from there. [Laughs] Press this button, move the hand; like a controller, like a person sitting there inside the head and controlling this life. But then the brain surgeon would find it, no? Nothing like that is found.

Then many also say ‘Yes, yes, this is fine, but actually I know that my brain is doing everything. My brain is doing everything’. So do we know how to control our brain? Do we know how to fire even one neuron in our brain? So if the brain is doing everything, you are still irrelevant, because then the brain is god.

Whichever way you look at it, ‘I’ the seeming-person is completely irrelevant. Are you scared of irrelevance?

Q: No.

No. Very good.

Q: So, finally, how do I get rid of this person, Father?

How does God get rid of the person?

Q: Yes.

Because God saw that there is no person.

If you find the person, we will treat the person together. But if you cannot even find that which you want to get rid of, then how to treat this?

Besides your thoughts, is there anything which tells you that you are a person?

Q: [Silence]

The Presence that you experience is not personal. This Awareness of this Presence is not personal. This body doesn't want freedom, doesn't want to get rid of the person, doesn't want any of this. It is not personal; it is just an innocent instrument.

So if you don't believe these thoughts, is there any evidence of this person?

Q: Yeah…

Why you want to get rid of that which you cannot even find?

Q: [Silence]

Okay, let me put it another way. Suppose you came into satsang and I looked at you, and I found the person, and I got rid of it. Okay. Then I said ‘The person is actually gone. It was here, okay, it was here, but I've taken it away. But the only thing that is left is these thoughts will come that still belong to this person. You don't bother about them’. How's that?

Q: [Laughs]

So someone the other day (we went to a movie together, all of us) they asked me ‘So, Father, what is your super-power?’…, just playfully somebody asked. [Laughs] So, suppose my super-power was this: I look into your eyes and I remove the person. But I say that ‘You know, there will be some withdrawal symptoms, there will be some thoughts which will come which still belong to that person’.

Just like when you shift into a new house; you still get some mail from the previous one [tenant]. So I have removed this one, and have given you this house to yourself…, but you will still get some mail for the previous tenant. So, don't open that mail, don't believe that mail, it's not for You.

Then, how it is?

You say, I want to get rid of the person. I say ‘No, you come to satsang, I'll get rid of it for you’. Then …, gone! Now?

Do you pay the bills for the previous one who used to live in your house?

Q: No.

So then, don't pay this bill of suffering for that which does not exist.

So, the mail is coming, the next letter came, it's saying ‘No, he's just making it sound too easy. Actually, it's not like that’. Now, are you going to believe that mail? Or are you going to believe me?

Q: Thank you so much, Father.

So welcome, my dear.

Shedding the Weight of Concepts and Conditioning

If there is still the belief in personhood then we must continue to not believe our thoughts, or to inquire, or to remain in the Presence or to remain as Awareness. All these pointers are for your recognition of the Truth, as well as for you to end your conditioning.

Jokingly we were saying the other day, (I'm not sure if you were in that satsang or not), but it's just like Consciousness has been eating a lot of fast food; the fast food of concepts. And while eating these ‘fast food of concepts’ then it was starting to pretend as if it is was a person. Without eating these 'fast food of concepts’, it is not possible.

So now what is happening is that Consciousness is tired of all the junk food and wants to go on a diet. And with the going of the diet, what is to be shed? Just the ideas of personhood. So the weight that it is shedding is the weight of conditioning. All of this is just metaphorical okay? [Laughter] None of this is to be taken as 'Oh, Ananta says that Consciousness became fat' or something. Just metaphorical. So like this, it put on the weight of conditioning and everything that we have attached to the sense ‘I Am’ is the junk food that we have eaten, you see?

Now when we go on a diet then the previous junk food is being burnt on its own, isn't it? All that is asked of you on a diet is that 'Don't consume new junk food'. So now what happens is that we start the diet. And just when we start then something, some very tempting dish, will come; the mind will offer up some inner concept which has been your favorite, good or bad, but has been your favorite. So this comes up, then what happens is that because it's a habit, maybe you eat that. So some conditioning got built up.

Now the trouble with spiritual seekers is that after we consume that, (so we are calling it the 'salad'), after we consume that 'salad' then 'the hamburger of guilt' comes [Laughter] 'You see now, I should don't have done this, I am failing so badly, I'm not worthy of freedom, I'm not worthy enough to do this diet'. You see? So these guilt thoughts we consume, and then as we consume this 'hamburger' then we give our self the position of the failed seeker or the unworthy seeker. And we believe thoughts like 'I will never get it, this is not working for me. I don't want this path, it doesn't work'. All of this. So then after the 'hamburger' we also eat the 'desert of becoming the unworthy seeker’. You see?

So it's much simpler. Sometimes the 'salad' comes and because our habit is to eat the 'salad' then it gets eaten. But at least let's not follow it up with the 'one-two punch' of guilt and then making ourself believe that ‘I am something like an unworthy seeker’ or ‘a failed person on this journey of enlightenment’. All of that rubbish..., if at least you cannot eat that.

So we were talking about this conveyor belt…, like at the restaurant in London, there is a conveyor belt on which the Sushi comes. So on this conveyor-belt, different-different types of Sushi are coming, you see? Just like the mind, different-different thoughts are coming; different-different. And just like this conveyor-belt, we are to allow it to just come and go, just to come and go. Now if we are not picking up this, then in this moment we are free from conditioning; and all past conditioning is burning itself out.

Sometimes the burning can be sensed energetically, sometimes it cannot be sensed at all. So we must allow that process to happen on its own. And in this way, then not only have we come to the recognition of what you are, you're also not picking up any fresh conditioning. You are losing all of this weight of personhood, you see?

Now what cannot happen; one mistake that many on this path make is that they feel that the instant they have the recognition, it must be the end of all conditioning. This is very rare. It can happen; I'm not saying it cannot happen but it usually does not happen. Usually what happens is the recognition is there and with the recognition a strong fire is lit. It burns a lot of the conditioning but not necessarily all of it. And then the mind can come very strongly and try to convert this recognition, (which is so sublime and inexpressible), it tries to convert that into words and says 'This is what you saw, this is what you understood. Yes, yes I got it'. Then this itself is what becomes fresh conditioning.

So just after full workout, 1000 calorie workout, then we start consuming all the caramel custard and all of that; it can go this way. The recognition can work as a big workout, a lot of burning of these calories of conditioning but not necessarily the end of the diet. And that is why many Masters and Sages (in fact most of them) have said that 'After the recognition, just keep quiet'. And then we find that all of this is allowed to be assimilated. We are not picking up new conditioning, especially not the spiritual conditioning. So in this way then the ‘I Am’ just remains as the ‘I Am’.

Now what happens is that you are able to just keep your attention on the sense ‘I Am’. And keeping your attention on this Presence itself avoids any fresh conditioning to be added to the ‘I Am-ness’. You see? Many are not able to keep attention so still on this Presence. But it is not the end of the world, even for them. Because to add concepts, to go from Unassociated Being to Being-pretending-to-be-the-subject-of-some-concept needs also our belief.

So as long as we are not believing any thought, you see.

So withdrawing attention means what? We are not even looking at any food which is coming on the conveyor belt; and staying as Yourself. And withdrawing belief means what? That although attention is going, because this curiosity is there, some interest is there so attention is going, and yet we are not picking up, we are not eating it: this is belief.

And you will find that, (all of us will find that), as we keep not picking it up then also the interest in looking reduces. Then attention also seems more manageable and doesn't want to rush about to every concept. And then you will have this experience that everything seems to become much quieter than it was; this mental noise which seemed so loud becomes very meek and powerless.

Freedom is Your True Nature

[Ananta reads from chat] Q: “Beloved Anantaji, the release of ‘dark matter’ and cleaning out seems to take forever in me, and I'm running out of time.”

‘I am running out of time’…, [Chuckles] Run out of this ‘I’. Run out of this ‘I’ instead. You cannot run out of time; time is running inside You. Time might run out of time one day, but You cannot. And you know what I mean. As long as we keep reinforcing this sense of ‘I’ which itself is saying ‘Why am I not done with this ‘I’ yet?’ that is the reinforcement coming in the guise of an advisor. Because right now, it is done.

Q: “Also I feel ashamed that despite taking a name from you, I continue to be interested in all forms of spirituality and keep ‘Don't believe your next thought’ only for emergencies…,”

[Laughs] Very sweet.

Q: “… and life and death situations. With Love, Vedika.”

This is good, because at least we know that in emergencies or life or death [situations] we run to the truth. You see? And That One which can spot these things cannot truly be stuck in these things. Because if you can see that this is how the play is happening, then you're not constricted by the play. The mind is saying ‘But this is taking forever. When will it end?’ But is it really taking forever? It's only been a short amount of time, when compared to the time in which all of this conditioning was picked up.

As I've been saying, there are two aspects to freedom. The first is recognition of what we are, which is always Now; you cannot miss it Now. And you have recognized this. And the second is the dropping of prior conditioning, which only means all of that which you have attached to ‘I Am’. So if you don't attach now to this ‘I Am’ the idea that ‘I am running out of time’ then you cannot say ‘I am running out of time’. Just let ‘I Am’ remain as ‘I Am’.

Because otherwise what are we doing? We're cleaning the house. We're throwing it into the garbage can, all the dirt, and then we're emptying it again back into the house. Throwing out conditioning, and bringing it right back in; then it can seem like an endless process. This is the prolongation of the seeming-spiritual journey. But the truth is much simpler than that. Because it is actually conditioning that is working so hard to keep itself alive. Every moment it is ‘done for’.

Just Now, it is done.

Don't attach anything fresh to it. Because when you attach something fresh now…, then the prior garbage also comes back. So if you refuse to buy any doubt from the mind, any idea from the mind, nothing even about the past, no idea about how the future should go…, then what is left to be done? Even if some energetic release is happening…, even about that; if you're not buying a thought about that, then it is nothing. It just feels like some strong sensations which are appearing and disappearing.

So, what you're saying is ‘Don't believe your next thought is only for emergencies’ means when it's like a bandage that you use in your first aid kit. When something feels hurt, then you take out ‘Don't believe your next thought’ and use it that way. But even this doesn't work because ‘Don't believe your next thought’ is not a personal strategy.

Why does it work? Because there is no bondage, and You Are the Self. The false is not here; the ego does not exist. Nobody is suffering from any sensation appearing, even in the body. There is no suffer-er of them.

The only way you can play as a person right now is by believing your next thought. There is no other way to do it. Therefore, as we remain in this, it feels like…, it seems like…, we have cut off the oxygen to this non-existent person. Now, if we go back and forth on this; sometimes we give it oxygen, sometimes we take away the oxygen, sometimes we give it, we take it away…, you see?..., then the journey of this non-existent person seems to prolong itself.

The ‘person’ comes into satsang, (well, not really; it just seems like it comes into satsang), with this idea that ‘I will get something, I will find happiness, I will become peaceful’. It expects this garland and a halo at the end of satsang. But what does it find instead? It finds that there is an axe. [Chuckles] No garland, no halo; there's an axe. Then it says ‘Oh, oh…, I think I need a break’. [Laughs] Just when the non-existent person's non-existent head is coming on this non-existent guillotine, it wants to run. And it finds any excuse to run. It can be ‘I'll never get it’ or ‘I got it’. It can be ‘I want to focus on my life and sort it out first’…, on the so-called responsibilities that we are taking care of. It can try and create some confusion in the mind on what different teachers are saying. It can get into a very intellectual mindset; the person, the mind itself can start speaking a lot of words that it has heard itself in satsang. All of this, just to avoid the guillotine.

And yet, within the sangha itself, we find many who are not believing most of their thoughts now. And you can see that they are not suffering. What other proof do we need?

There comes a time when we stop playing games. And when we find then something which smells of Truth, then we hang onto it for dear life.

All our struggles are personal. All these battles we are fighting are not about You.

[Silence]

Satsang is just a response to the Holy yearning of God to speak to God; of Being to commune with Itself.

Allow your mind to give up. Because it is not your mind which will enjoy your Presence. It is not your mind which will recognize the truth of what You Are. Allow your mind to give up. And allow Me to talk to Myself.

[Silence]

Just Now, You Are Free.

There is no other time to be free.

It's only about Now.

There is no bondage. Even if the body was in chains, full of painful sensations, You could not be bound.

Now You Are Free.

[Silence]

Freedom is Your true nature.

[Someone cries and laughs in satsang hall]

And clearly, some of us are recognizing it.

[Chuckles]

Just Remain as ‘I Am’

Once upon a time, [Laughs] not sure whether it was a million years ago or just this morning, I had this crazy idea that I had lost myself. And then I kept looking. I said ‘Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?’ because I was sure that I'd lost myself. [Laughs] And then I kept looking everywhere. I felt like something I will find.., in the lost and found of this world, I will find something which will be the ‘I’. I felt that some relationship will come which will make the ‘I’ out of me; it will complete me. I felt like some physical manifestation, some comfort, some security will come.

[Sudden increase in audio volume with reverb] And I felt that one day we'll have good audio. [Laughs] I felt if I study really hard, if I get a lot of knowledge or if I'm truly devoted, I will find this ‘I’.

And I looked and I looked and I looked. And many objects came; many experiences came. Strong bliss came. Joy came. Also strong anger came, frustration came. Partners came. Money came. But in none of this I found the ‘I’. Because I had the idea that I lost the ‘I’ and I kept looking in all the wrong places.

And only when the Master appeared, did he say ‘Look at what you Already are. The Self is the only thing you cannot lose. Everything else is coming and going’.

And I recognized the truth of his words; that if I need to find ‘I’ where must I look? I must look for the ‘I’ that is looking.

And when I looked for the ‘I’ that was looking, I found nothing.

And then my Master said ‘This nothing is I’.

[Silence]

All that can be lost and found cannot be ‘I’.

All experiences which are coming and going cannot be ‘I’.

All states, all appearances, cannot be ‘I’.

And although there was some joy in this sense of ‘I’ looking for ‘I’ it does not compare with the recognition that I cannot be lost.

‘Who Am I?’ is not a trivial question.

Let it consume all that you believe about yourself.

Burn in the fire of this self-inquiry.

Allow it to burn all your suffering, all you concepts, all your questions;

All your past, all the future, all your discoveries and proclamations.

Look and see if there is a difference between what you find now and that which you believe yourself to be.

This moment of recognition is worth more than a million beliefs.

What is it that cannot be lost?

And that which cannot be lost, can it be found?

If concepts are taken to be the truth, it's like believing that the garbage can is the altar.

If mental understanding is what you're after, know that it's as worthless, more worthless than chasing any materialistic desire.

You are the Eternal Self

…pretending to play as if you are a person.

…and sometimes pretending to be the Self.

Which object will convince you that you are That?

What are you looking for?

What will convince you that you are free?

Just like the space inside the box, and outside the box,

the same space that contains this entire manifest creation,

You are That which pervades this entire appearance.

Which report is this space giving?

What proclamation does this space have?

How can this space lose itself?

What does this space desire?

What is it running from?

Where is this so-called identity?

It dies. Every moment it is dead.

Who is it that lost itself?

And who is on the journey to find oneself?

Who is it that wants to use words to defend or to attack;

to convince or to impress?

Isn't it time for a bigger game?

Are you not done playing that which is mortal, that is bound within time and space? Isn't it time for a bigger game?

Are you not done representing that one which never existed? …, giving voice to this feeble insect? …, when you can speak as Presence Itself …, as Consciousness…, unadulterated by these meek ideas of personhood?

Isn't it time for the bigger game? Aren't we tired of giving power to this mind? ..., this mind that convinces us that we are only this bundle of flesh and blood, only made up of the food we've eaten. Aren't we tired of this pretense? Are you just that which you have consumed through your mouth? Or are you just that which comes as a voice that has no face; full of needs and desires, full of wants and dislikes?

Isn't it obvious that you cannot be this bucket of bones and flesh, nor can you be just this energetic voice which comes and goes?

Aren't we done with this play?

Isn't it time for the bigger game?

The play of Presence…, the leela of creation and dissolution.

Drop this burden of ideas.

Stop searching for that which never was.

Find out That which always Is, right now.

Enjoy this play as God, as Being…, as Oneness.

Are we not tired of juggling both these voices?

The voice in our heads, and this voice of Presence.

You are the Supreme Lord. All is Your will.

You cannot complain. It is not your meek voice which says ‘I cannot leave this mind’. It is the mind itself.

Leave it now. Leave it! Stop pretending that it is meaningful.

God has no use for this personal voice.

Because God is done pretending to be a person.

Once upon a time, you also had this crazy idea that you lost yourself, and you must find It. You played this game.

But now, you are here; un-lose-able, un-find-able, invincible, incomprehensible You Are.

You are the unborn, the unbound, the un-conceived, the un-perceived, the Alpha and the Omega, the nothing and the Infinite.

[Long silence]

The arrogance of a person is weaker than a centipede's backbone; it has no power. Drop all allegiance to this one.

You are tired of running on this treadmill which has gone nowhere.

Where must you run to find the Self?

At what distance are you from your Self?

Rest now. You are done with this play.

Allow the restlessness to come and go; You rest.

Rest as That which you can never leave.

Rest without pretense.

Allow God to rest within You.

Allow Being to just Be.

Just Be without becoming.

Just remain as ‘I Am’.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Table of Contents

About Ananta

Blessing

Review of Satsang Basics:Consciousness Recognizing Its Source

The First Step We Walk Together is Seeing That No Person Ever Existed

I, Even Prior to Am-ness

How Can I Be Responsible If I Am Not the Doer?

Reverence To The Physical Manifestation of That

Knowing Conceptually Is Not True Knowing of Direct Experience

Awareness Being Aware of Itself Is Always In The Right Now

The Old Habit of Making a Story Out of Our Life

This ‘I’ That Knows Presence Must Be What I Am in Reality

This Absolute One, You Are

The Feeling That ‘I Am In The Body’

That Which Cannot Be Lost Needs No Effort to Find

The Three Main Keys

Can We Give This Freedom?

The Immensity of the Guru

Only Consciousness Has the Power of Belief

This is What You Must Inquire Into

Nothing Can Deter That Which You Already Are

I-Am-Here Needs No Concept to Just Be

If You're Not Labeling, It's All One Appearance

Fear of Dissolving or Being Too Happy - How Will I Be With Clients?

Realizing The Truth Doesn't Mean All Tendencies Drop Immediately

Small ‘k’ for Conceptual knowing, Large ‘K’ For Knowing Itself, Awareness

Masterful Contemplation:Inquire to See That the Ego Has No Existence

Guidance on Difficulty with Inquiry

The Mind Will Not Give You a Certificate of Freedom

Everything That is Moving is Within the Silence

What is this Knowingness?

Life is Just Happening as Life

Looking into this Feeling of Awareness Being in The Body

It's Not About What We Think or What We Feel

Then What is Satsang For?

Even If Not Understanding Satsang, Can You Stop Being?

Witnessing is Not Affected By What Comes and Goes

If You Put It All Aside, Are You Still Here?

Satsang is the Mirror of Your Non-phenomenal Reality

The Losing of Thoughts is Not the Losing the Self

The Knowingness is Present, is Self-Aware

The End of Suffering is Often the Motivation for Coming to Satsang

How Will A Thought Touch The Witnessing?

Fear of the Silence

You Just Are

One of the Subtlest Tricks of the Ego

Why Attachment to Happy Thoughts Can Prolong Suffering

The Dropping of These Ideas is the End of the Journey

This Playground is Too Small For Us Now

Pit-stops Along the Way

Neither Awareness nor Presence Has the Need for Validation

Spiritual Concepts are Not in Service to the Truth

Coming to Terms with Your Own Immensity

What Is It That You Have Always Been?

Right Now, Stay Still and Recognize What is Here

Remain Open to Sharing with Integrity

Who Is Suffering from This Fear?

Following The Heart: The Presence of Love

What Would Be The Best Work?

Dissolution of the Idea of Personhood is Freedom

Realizations Can Get Made Into A Concept

This is a Recognition, Not an Understanding

How Do I Get Rid of This ‘Person’ and This Suffering?

Shedding the Weight of Concepts and Conditioning

Freedom is Your True Nature

Just Remain as ‘I Am’