BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

How do I confirm that I am aware?

Why do I use these words ‘I am aware’?

Why would I say ‘I am aware’ if it were not the truth? And yet, this Awareness is not seen phenomenally. It is just aware of Itself; it is a primal Knowing of Knowingness Itself.

Why are we more inclined to saying ‘I am aware’ rather than saying ‘I am not aware’? If it we were neutral to it, we could say ‘either’ and it wouldn’t make a difference. Why is it that we are more inclined to say ‘I am aware’? Because there must be the Knowing of this already which is very, very deep.

And then, once you see that; [the true] ‘I’ and ‘Awareness’ (same)…, then see if you can become some other ‘I’.

Can you really be another ‘I’?

Can you be that which owns this body/mind?

Do all other labels, do all other reference points for this ‘I’ start to fade away, start to lose their magnetism, their strength? Because everything else that we use the ‘I’ for, first there is an awareness of ‘I’.

This Awareness is the most fundamental, the most primal back-drop to any appearance, isn’t it?

[Silence]

We can say where we are with this. Those of us who are actively following; where are we?

Q: Where am I? Just looking. I can’t find a difference but it still somehow feels separate, a little separate.

A: Yes, yes. So, let’s keep looking for points of separation because this is the idea. This idea of separation is the whole cause of all of this drama. Without the sense of separation, we would not be able to pretend to be people. So, now let’s keep looking for this separation. Let’s not presume any separation, let’s look.

How is this ‘I’ different from Awareness?
What is the difference between ‘I’ and ‘Aware’?

What is the separation?
Where is ‘Aware’ and I am not?

Where is ‘I’ and Awareness is not?

That must mean separation; if there was ‘I’ but Awareness was not, that would mean separation. Or Awareness, but I am not. It has to be separate only that way. Isn’t it?

I’m very happy if you’re able to drill down on this like this and not go with any other mental gymnastics.

When we say ‘Are you aware now?’ the answer is ‘I am aware’. The question is very simple.

What is the distinction or the difference between ‘I’ and ‘Aware’?

And all of you are already seeing that no amount of visualization, creativity or appearances are helping with this question; so in that way we learned to keep them aside. No thought can help us here. All the concepts which are needed for this inquiry have been provided from here. Nothing else you need to add on top.

Who is this ‘I’ that is aware?

[Silence]

Is this ‘I’ an object?

Is it light or sound?

Does it have a size or shape?

Does it have a start or end?
Was it born and will it die?

What can we say about this ‘I’?

Those of us who are looking at this…, don’t change this question for any other question. And don’t come to any conclusion.

This is the time when a lot of fancy spiritual concepts or something attractive in the worldly realm will be offered to you by the mind. Just let them come and go. Don’t come to any conclusion about anything. Remain with the question. Even if this entire lifetime goes with this contemplation, it will be worthwhile.

I am aware. Who is this ‘I’?

[Silence]

Who is this ‘I’ which is aware?

See if you can find one difference between this ‘I’ and Awareness Itself.

A:  So, Anil had said ‘Can I come up? I want to take the contemplation further into dynamic realms’. Okay. Let’s hear the question.

Q: Namaste.

A: Namaste.

Q: Father, this recognition that I’m awareness, non-phenomenal, is pretty fine. And by telling [about] this Awareness in this dynamic realm state is also fine. Not a problem. Now, the thing is that, what is my relationship as Awareness with this Consciousness? I do not know. I do not know what is my relationship as Awareness with this visible world, this dynamic world.

It is so easy; from the learning is that I am the witness of this and all this is appearing in Me. This is also fine. This is also fine. Not a problem. Now, if I am this dynamic field also, which is of course is reporting to Me, and I’m aware of its reporting, and I’m also aware that it is reporting to Me, so we can say that is only by learning that the un-manifested ‘I’ is the same as the ‘I am’ in the waking state. This is my learning, actually. And this seems to be an experience also. When Guruji says that ‘You just stay in the Self and the Supreme Being or the Higher Power or the God or the Consciousness takes care of everything’. Everything is just happening, you know, and you are aware of it. So this means that I-as-the-Awareness which is non-phenomenal and non-manifested, also is present in this dynamic field as the Awareness also. Which means it is not something like…, something in which the three waking states are appearing and disappearing; it’s not like that. It means that the Consciousness and the Awareness is here and now. It is not that only the Consciousness is here and now, but Awareness is also here and now. There is just a little subtlety actually. It’s not that, you know, the Awareness is somewhere right there in the sky and I am here as the Consciousness. It is not spatial. It is not spatial. So, every activity is happening, and because of the Knowing, because of the power of Knowing or the Awareness, I know that it is happening.

If I Am the Consciousness and if I Am the Godhood, then there is no doership from my end. There is no doership from my end, but I can only claim it once I am totally free of my egoic nature. Otherwise there is a blend of the ego in the Consciousness. So I cannot say that, ‘Okay, I Am Consciousness, and this is not my responsibility actually; this is the responsibility of my human nature’. Like, you know, Nisargadatta Maharaj says ‘My human nature’. As my human nature, you know…, I just want to say ‘Close my eyes; because the cat is there, the pigeon will not survive’.

So, it cannot be like this. This conditioning or the egoic thing, it will go on its own. I’m coming to satsang, and listening to Guruji, this is happening also. This is happening also. With all this understanding, what is my relationship as an Awareness to Consciousness? If I maintain my Awareness and if I don’t bother with what is happening to the Consciousness…, which I have a choice. I can just close my eyes to this world. But world will not know. World will not know. If I’m not doing anything which I’m supposed to be doing in this life, at the most people will say ‘See? He’s a useless fellow. Okay, he is not responsible. You cannot rile this’. But I know, actually, it is my choice. If it is my choice, a conscious choice, then both the sequence of action and inaction is valid.

A: Okay. Let’s pause here. Let’s pause here; lots of points. So, first point which we want to look at is the simple point which is:

‘What is the relationship as Awareness with this dynamic aspect of Consciousness’ is the same as saying ‘What is the relationship of ‘I’ with ‘I Am’? It is ‘I’ Itself which is ‘Am’. You see? So, it is not just a relationship. It is the basis of Consciousness, which is Awareness. You see?

So, that’s why…, (and not to take these words literally, because that can be ‘level confusion’), that when we say ‘Awareness is the Father of Consciousness’ it doesn’t mean that it gave birth to a child and now there are two of them. It is ‘I’ Itself which is ‘Am’. You see? ‘I’ is playing as ‘Am’. It is therefore not a relationship, but ‘I’ is the basis Itself of Consciousness. Therefore, Awareness must be the basis of Consciousness; that which Consciousness is made up of.

And you said very rightly that you can hear all these words and all this understanding can be there, the learning can be there, but ultimately it is not this learning which helps you. So as you stay, (as you have been doing very well); keep coming to satsang and surrender everything at the Master’s feet, then these insights become clearer and clearer. And then we go beyond just the learning and understanding mentally of concepts and then it is Seen that this is really an insight: It is ‘I’. ‘I Am’.

So, ‘I’ is the unchanging, then ‘Am’…, then other states where ‘not Am’. I say, for example, that waking, dream and sleep are coming and going within this ‘I’…, which means that this ‘I’ which is the basis for ‘Am’ or ‘not-Am’ plays as ‘Am’. And when it plays as ‘Am’ then there is waking and dream. When the dissolution of this ‘Am’ happens, that is sleep.

So, also in terms of what Maharaj said, again he has spoken various things; all of us have spoken various things. But what can seem confusing about this is called ‘level confusion’. Sometimes it is speaking personally ‘Oh, I like to eat pasta for lunch’. So, obviously it cannot be Awareness which is saying ‘I like to eat pasta for lunch’. It is that ‘Am-ness’, this Beingness, playing with all the conditioning which has a preference for a particular type of lunch. Then we can say that ‘I Am that I Am’…., ‘I Am the space in which all the phenomenon is functioning, working. All of this is moving through Me in the space of Being’.

So, from this perspective we can say that ‘I just Am’. And this human play is allowed to play in Itself, because there is no individual entity or doer of that. This is what Maharaj was pointing to; and from the perspective of Awareness.

So now, when you say that ‘I can just be Awareness and therefore be unconcerned with the world’ you are talking about something which is separated by levels in the play. Because that which is participating in the world is part of the appearance, part of this realm of Being; this phenomenal play. You see? So, Awareness cannot open or close Its eyes. It is the appearance of this body of Anil that is opening or closing the eyes; it is the appearance of this body/mind of Anil which people will say words or call ‘useless’ or ‘very useful’ or ‘great’ or whatever. But Awareness is not participating in that way; except that It Is this Being Itself, which is everything.

So, when we speak of multiple levels in the same breath, then it can seem like confusion. ‘What do I do?’ is not a question that Awareness is asking. It is not a question that Consciousness is asking. It is a question that Consciousness playing as Anil, who has come to all of this understanding, is saying ‘Now, what do I do with all of this knowledge and my day to day life? How do I integrate these two things?’

So better to drop this. Drop the ‘Anil’. And stay as you have been staying. And then you find that everything is functioning; the body/mind of Anil is functioning along with the rest of the world, just like the leaves are falling from the branches and flying in the wind. Who is controlling them? Nobody we can say in this realm, but actually all of this is a projection in the light of Consciousness alone. So what will happen through Anil’s life, whether the eyes will be open or they will be closed is not something that Awareness is pondering. You see? All the movements that will happen from here will just be another play of the light of Consciousness Itself.

Q: Yes, yes. I capture. I capture, but there are a couple of particular aspects of it. I have not gone out of the house for the last 25 days; not even out of the apartment. I don’t know why; I’m just not able to go out. You know, even the going out for a walk; I’m not able to go out. I’m living on the 14^th floor. I don’t know why I’m not able to go out. I’m just not able to go out. Last time it happened, was maximum for 6 months, I did not go out of the house. My body was too ashamed, there was too much fear. Even the bang of the door will keep my body trembling for 15 minutes. Those were kind of the sensitivities. So, like this, I mean, what am I supposed to do now? Just accept it as the way that life is coming? Or overcome this stuckness of the mind, and take the plunge or dare? I mean, it is only in the mind. It is only a mind phenomenon. So, what to do?

A: Yeah. What I’m saying is that…, my feeling is that both the surrender and the anxiety will not last; either the surrender will last, or the anxiety will last. You see? My feeling is that the surrender will last. So, til then, just surrender to the grace of Satguru Sri Moojiji and through this body [Anantaji’s body] and just don’t make a judgment or a prediction or a conclusion about it. If it is the true surrender, then all that is auspicious will happen. So, the dropping of this doership of ‘What to do next?’ is the surrender itself. So, don’t pin yourself to a particular perspective. Just ‘don’t know’ what the next day will be like, and allow my Master’s grace to flow through you, and everything will just be exactly as it is meant to be.

Q: Thank you, Father. Thank you so much.

A: Very good, very good. [Silence]

I feel it’s been a very beautiful satsang, and if you can drill down on the inquiry like we did today: I am aware. Who is this ‘I’ that is aware? How is it distinct from Awareness itself?

And also I feel that in all the questions and answers that came today, I feel the last one was very useful because many times there can be these things like confusion of levels. So, sometimes we’re talking about a different aspect, and the mind says ‘But you are Awareness’. Whenever it comes to something personal and we want to look at that, the mind says ‘But you are Awareness. Why are you bothered about this?’ And when we want to look at Awareness and just come to the recognition of who we really are, then the mind brings all personal things.

So, when we are continuing with satsang, we will find that we are able to recognize this trick of the mind, and be able to distinguish between where the question or the pointing is coming from; from which level, then it all dissolves.

It’s very good. Thank you all so much.

Q: I have a question about the inquiry.

A: Yes, yes.

Q: I’ve talked to you about it before. The same thing is still happening with the tiredness and the feeling…, really feeling drugged almost. If I try to follow you or Guruji, like on the two days a week that you do inquiry…?

A: Yes

Q: Really…, I probably hear the first five-seconds.

A: [Chuckles]

Q: It’s kind of embarrassing. I don’t know what’s going on. And I don’t know if I need to just leave it, just leave it be or if there is something else? I don’t know, Father. It’s driving me crazy.

A: Okay. So, five-seconds. [Chuckles]  Can we inquire in five-seconds? Mmm? [Chuckles]

So as I say in these days that one of the most potent questions we can ask ourselves is ‘Who is Aware of Awareness?’ (I’m speaking fast so we don’t run out of time.) [Chuckles]

So, when we ask this question ‘Who is aware of Awareness?’ then what happens?

Q: Well, very quickly if feels like I’m aware of Awareness. But…, I don’t know how to explain.

A: Yes. This is good. So, ‘I’ am aware of Awareness.

Q: Yea.

A: And this ‘I’…, which is aware of Awareness…, did we see an ‘I’ to confirm this? Or it is something more primal than that?

[Silence]

Q: It feels like ‘I, Radhika’ am aware…, but it’s just a sensation.

A: The instant the question is asked, ‘Who is aware of Awareness?’ is there a Radhika there?

Q: No.

A: Is there a Radhika here now?

Q: It feels like it. [Sighs]

A: [Chuckles] Yes. It’s okay. We can start from here. This is good.

Q: This is taking a long time. And it feels like it is taking a long time to be asking the same questions. It feels ridiculous.

A: [Chuckles] Yes. But that is the 1-2 punch, you see? The second punch, of the 1-2 punch, of the mind is worse than the first one. So, the first one is that the same question is coming. You see? The first punch is that. ‘We’re asking the same question’ is the first aspect.

What is worse is the second punch which is ‘Oh, I am so unworthy. I’m guilty. I just keep asking the same questions. It’s taking too long’. You see?

[Chuckles] So, none of this is true actually. It’s not taking too long. [Chuckles] Most of the world is not even asking the question. Hmm?

Q: [Giggles]

A: So there is nothing like ‘taking too long’. What is important is to be able to just See what is here now. And the mind will come and say ‘But…, Radhika is Seeing this’.  But this is pure fiction. This is fiction, isn’t it? There is no Radhika who is here.

Q: [Silence]

A: So, the one that answers yes to ‘Am I aware now?’…, (it is not the reporting of the ‘yes’ but the Seeing that is true), whose Seeing is this one?

Q: [Silence] It’s my Seeing.

A: Yes. And this ‘me’…, what can we See about that One?

Q: [Silence]

A: The One that Sees it. What do we See about that One?

Q: [Silence]

A: When we look for this ‘I’, what do we find? Is it a void? Is it a void that we find? Is it something phenomenal, something that can be tasted, that we find?

Q: Just Seeing. There’s just Seeing.

A: There’s just Seeing. And how is this Seeing, seen? Is it seen in some way? How do we know there is just Seeing?

Q: I just know.

A: You just know. So, this ‘I’ which is the same Knowingness, the same Awareness Itself, is aware of Itself as Awareness.

That’s why when we ask the question ‘Who is aware of this Awareness?’ we say that ‘It is me, it is ‘I ‘that is aware’.

It is so naturally and simply known; it is as simple as that. This ‘I’ does not look like anything, because it is no-thing. You see? And yet, it is so clear that ‘I am aware’. Is it not clear?

Q: It’s clear.

A: It’s clear. And it’s also clear that this ‘I’ that is aware, is not a thing? Is this clear?

Q: Clear, clear.

A: Yes. And this ‘I’ that is aware is not even like a spatial blank. It’s not even visible as some dark space or white light, or anything.

Q: No.

A: It’s clear?

Q: Clear.

A: Very good. So, this ‘I’ which is indescribable…, and yet it is so clear, that It Is. We cannot deny the existence of this ‘I’. We can only say that it is not to be found phenomenally. Isn’t it?

Q: [Nodding affirmatively]

A; Okay. Now, if all of this is true, then where is Radhika in all of this?

Q: [Silence]

A: Hmm? You don’t find the Radhika. So, Radhika then must be presumed; if we get a sense that this feeling is Radhika, or these thoughts make up Radhika, or a combination of the sense of my existence and the presence of these feelings and thoughts must make up Radhika, isn’t it?

Q: Yeah.

A: You see? But really, when we deconstruct it in this way, we find that the sense of existence is here but the ‘I’ which is aware of it remains untouched. The feelings could be various ones which come and go. Yet, this ‘I’ remains untouched. And, the thoughts can come and go, and ‘I’ remain untouched.

So, now what does this ‘I’ have to do?

Q: Nothing

A: [Smiling] Can it lose itself? Can this ‘I’ lose itself?

Q: No…, no.

[Silence]

A: Now, which part of the question still remains?

Q: [Silence] Okay. So, it feels clear. Obviously clear…, but not complete.

A: Yes.

Q: I can’t deny anything you’ve said; I’ve said. I can’t deny it. But, it doesn’t feel…, it just doesn’t feel complete.

A: Yes, yes.

Q: There’s still separation that is experienced. So I feel like ‘Well then, I guess I need to keep inquiring’. I can’t, because I feel like I’m drugged or asleep. I can’t work these things out.

A: [Chuckles] Yes.

Q: It’s very clear…,

A: I’ve been saying there are two aspects to this. One is this recognition. And, if there is any doubt about it, let’s go through it together. This recognition of what Is, in this moment, right Now, is the first step that we are taking together.

What gives us the ability to say ‘I am aware’ without Seeing this ‘I’? There is something more primal. Isn’t it? There is this Awareness that ‘I’ Itself IS…, this knowingness of ‘I’…, without finding a phenomenal ‘I’.

It’s okay if we talk like this? It’s direct, very much directing at what we’re looking for.

Q: Very good. It’s a little hard to hear. I think my phone is breaking up little a little bit, but I’m with you. I’m with you.

A: Okay. Very good. If we can delve into this question: ‘How are we able to report that ‘I am aware’ without finding this ‘I’ as a phenomenon?’ Isn’t there a deeper knowing of this ‘I’…, which is not a thing?

[Silence]

This is the recognition which is not phenomenal. The only one [non-phenomenal recognition] like this.

How many are clear about this; how many are not clear?  Clear, raise your hand. Clear? [Chuckles] No peer pressure.

[Inaudible responses from sangha] [Q now becomes responses from Sangha in the room]:

Okay. So, let’s go really slow. There’s a request to go really slow.

Let’s start with the question: ‘Can I stop being now?’ ‘Can I stop being?’

And we find that there’s a sense of Presence, a sense of existence that is here. ‘I am aware of this’. ‘I’ am aware of this. Isn’t it?

This ‘I’ that is aware of this, is it a thing? Is it a space? Does it have any attributes whatsoever? Hmm? Is it? [Asking in the room to each] Is it? Is it?

So, the ‘I’ that is aware of even the sense of Presence, what is it? Is it a thing? Is it a blank space? Is it a visual of something?

Space? Space? Who is aware of this space?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: It feels like it is being visualized that way. It feels?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: It is Seen now like this? Don’t rely on any past conclusion.

Hmm? The ‘I’ that is aware of being, what does this one look like? Where is it located? What is its size and shape?

If there is blank space, who is aware of that space? Is it spatial space?  Is it like spatial space?

Q: [Nods]

A: So, who is aware of this space? Is that within the space?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: It’s measurable space?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: Yes. But who is aware of this experience?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: We say it is ‘I’. That is not deniable.  We are looking for the contours of this ‘I’ actively today. A little bit. Because she reminded me it was easy to fall asleep…, [Chuckles] when we’re inquiring quietly.

And, no using the mind at all. No using past answers. No conclusions. Just from the checking now, what do we find?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: Are you answering my question? Don’t divert yourself. It’s not good for you right now.

Who is this ‘I’? Is this moving? Don’t presume anything.

Does it have to move to be aware? Do you have to move to be aware? Is the movement of attention equal to your movement?

[Silence]

This ‘I’… Then, when I ask you, ‘Are you aware now?’ where does the confirmation come from? What Seeing does It rely on? Is It phenomenal? What did we find that we are able to say ‘Yes’?

So when we check ‘Am I aware now?’ Don’t go on any mental adventures. Just stay here.

Why is it that ‘Yes’ is the right answer?

How is this known?

Who is the ‘I’ that Sees this or knows this or is aware of it?

[Silence]

Q: It’s like…, it feels like it’s not separate from any of the phenomena, any of the object.

A: But is the existence of this Awareness dependent on the appearance of an object?

Q: No. It feels like when you check ‘Am I aware of an object?’ actually the first part of that is ‘Am I Awareness?’…

A: Exactly. So, then we say that the Awareness is independent of the appearance of the objective world, but the objective world cannot be reported to appear unless there was an Awareness of it. Isn’t it?

So, the dependent relationship is obviously on Awareness Itself. And yet, we cannot See it. Not with worldly eyes; not through phenomenal eyes.

This is complete. This is recognized and it is complete in Itself. In fact, it is never incomplete.

See if you can bring your attention to the sounds in the room.

If your eyes are open,  to the visuals that you’re seeing.

And Allow your attention to move freely.

Don’t constrict your attention in any way.

Let all interpretations, all meanings, come and go.

Don’t label anything a distraction.

Allow and welcome everything.

Notice that these sounds and these visuals are being perceived.

Very simply, you are aware of this perceiving.

Don’t try to be aware; just notice if you can. Observe that effortlessly there is awareness of all sounds, of everything that the senses are bringing. This awareness remains untouched whatever the content of the senses might be.

Now, as we close our eyes, notice that the process of perceiving did not stop. Only that which was visually perceived is now gone, to be replaced with this dark space. But even this is perceived. And you are aware of this; effortlessly.

You’re not trying to be aware: you just are.

And even with the eyes closed, the play of perception, the play of sensations continues. You can still hear the sounds, you can still experience touch, there is still taste, and all the sensations in the body are still perceived. Therefore this primal functioning called perception is happening.

Now you can allow your attention to move wherever it likes. Allow it to go wherever it likes, and notice how the objects could change, what is being perceived could change, but the process of perceiving continues unobstructed.

And there is awareness of this.

Notice how thoughts are nothing but another object of our perception; another form of energy which is perceived. But even the appearing and the disappearing of thoughts does not get in the way of this perceiving.

There is awareness of this.

Now let’s notice how all the sensations in the body are also different forms of energy being perceived. When attention goes to these sensations, they seem to come alive. Don’t resist any sensation. Notice how the perceiving continues, effortlessly and unobstructed; no matter what the content, no matter which object is perceived.

And notice that no matter what the object is, the energy-construct called thoughts very often makes itself available as a judgment or an interpretation of ‘What Is’. But ‘What Is’ is independent of this judgment, of this interpretation. Therefore, if something is being believed to be a distraction, don’t push it away. Let it remain meaningless, without interpretation.

Let’s see now if our attention can go to some emotion; sadness, fear, joy, bliss, anger, frustration. Observe that there is perceiving of these…, and you are aware of this perceiving.

Let’s see now if our attention can move to the perceiver of all of these perceptions.

Is there a sense here that there is a perceiver or an experiencer of these perceptions?

[Silence]

Let’s bring our attention to this sense of existence. No struggle, no interpretation; just this sense which shows you that you are awake. The wakefulness. The sense of existence. The sense that ‘I Am’.

Effortless inquire into ‘Who is aware?’…, even of this sense of wakefulness?

Who is aware of this sense of existence?

There is no effort needed. Simply allow these words to take you there.

Relax into your own Seeing.

[Silence]

Find out: Who is aware of this awareness?

Allow all mental answers to come and go. You cannot know the answer in this way.

Before your senses, before the very sense of existence, there is this Knowing, this Awareness.

Who can be aware of this Awareness?

Before all of these objects which are experienced by your Being, there is awareness of this Being.

Who is aware of this awareness?

How do you know of this awareness?

It cannot be seen through sight; yet It is aware of sight.

Who is aware of this awareness?

No thought can contemplate this. No emotion can touch this. This has no identity. All the words and all the states, (the waking, dream and sleep), This is aware of. And yet no state This is.

[Silence]

Who is aware of this awareness?
Which identity can define this?

Which words can describe this?

Does this exist? Or not?

And It Itself is aware of existence.

[Silence]

There is no-body here. All bodies arise within It.

It is no-thing, and yet all things appear and disappear in It.

Who is aware of this?

That which is not coming and going…

Only the appearances come and go.

Are you aware now?

[Silence]

Who is aware of this awareness?

[Silence]

What can touch this awareness?
Is it touched by the sensations of this body?

Is it touched by emotions and state of mind?

Is it touched by the objects of the world?

[Silence]

Find out if you are aware of this awareness.

Find out ….

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

[Long stretch of Silence]

It’s very good if we remain in this silence, the energetic Presence of satsang, to fulfill this urge for Self-recognition. All desires are just notations of this one desire; self-recognition.

Q: First I want to sort of convey the understanding I currently have about Advaita and then phrase my question. So I feel that Advaita is something that can be understood in the limitations of knowledge, language; allowing for I, me, you, me; all these pronouns…, understood also in the sense that you start off with the belief that ‘I am this and I cannot be this, I should not be this, this should not be there, I should not experience this’. And you just see that these experiences come and you’re still there, in the sense the witness is there, and what is witnessed is also part of the witness. So I felt that this can be understood in the sense that there is nothing that threatens the limited notion of ‘I’; even the threatening itself is part of the play. So this is what I understood.

But the question I want to ask is, there was nothing super-natural that I felt about this, that you go into a trance or that everything dissolves and none of that sort. But I’ve heard that there are actually people who are able to do super-natural things, miracles, and through touch or something put you in a trance. So you get the gist of what I’m saying. So, are there such people that you know of who are capable of…, you know?

A: Before we get into that, I felt that the earlier part of what you were saying was very interesting and we should look deeper into that. So, you talked about having a set of beliefs and set of understandings; and once you understand, there is just this one witness and everything being witnessed is also a part of the same witnessing itself. Now, is this your living experience?

Q: I mean, whenever I don’t feel it, it’s a thought that comes, it’s a hypothesis that you test it and more often than not, it’s turned out true.

A: Very good, very good. So when you check on this…, so forget, (if you can), all the previous discoveries and insights and let’s check now. When you check on who you are…, what do you find?

Q: It is happening now. I mean, there is no ‘I’, as in, (depends what you mean by ‘I’), as in there is all this now. It’s limitation of language again, what do I say? [Laughter] I am experiencing this. I can say, all of, everything; this conversation, the voices…, or I can also say the voice is there, this is there, that is there.

A: So, this ‘I’ that is experiencing this realm or anything that is happening here, what is it that could be said on this one?

Q: Hmm.

A: Ok, let me drill down even further for you, because another popular notion these days is that ‘All there is, is what is happening phenomenally’. So is this your experience, that all there is here is that phenomenality? Or do you also find the Presence or something which is prior to all these experiences?

Q: No.

A: You find that the only thing that is here is the sounds of the fan, the sound of this voice; that’s all that is here? There is no subject to these objects?

Q: No.

A: There is no experiencer of these?

Q: I mean, that is also a concept…, because these things come and go

A: Not using any concept, just when we’re checking now. You’re hearing this voice?

Q: Yes.

A: Is there an experiencer of this voice?

Q: No.

A: Is there a speaker of the word ‘no’?

Q: There is the sound ‘no’. But, I mean, it’s…, yeah.

A: The experience of the sound is there but there is no experiencer, you are saying?

Q: There is no…, there is no reason to believe that.

A: Don’t believe anything, just check. Best way to do the inquiry is not to go to any belief, just to check what is happening here. So these sounds are here, this mouth is making some sounds. Is there an experiencer of these sounds?

Q: No.

A: Is there one who knows there is no experiencer?

Q: Hmm.

A: You said ‘no’.

Q: Hmm.

A: So, who is that one which knows that there is no experiencer?

Q: Again, I don’t see why there should be somebody who knows there is no experiencer.

A: There are only two ways to report on something. First way is that we have a concept of something and we report from there. ‘I read the world is round that’s why I say the world is round’. The second is to say ‘This is what I see. I saw that the sun comes from the east so I report the sun comes from the east’.

So, when you are saying no, is that coming from the concept that there should not be [somebody who knows]? Or from a direct experience that there isn’t any?

Q: Hmm, how can I tell?

A: Just by checking like this. And I’m very happy that you’re at least open to this checking. So, when I’ve said ‘Let’s keep the concepts aside’ you actually have the intent to do that; which in itself is very beautiful for me. So, as this openness is there, then the recognition, the checking about who we are, the inquiry (as Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said) ‘Who am I?’ will become easier and easier, and clearer and clearer.

So, already you say that ‘There is no experiencer. There is just these sounds or the experience of these sounds. There is no experiencer’. Then my next question was ‘Who is aware of this fact?’ Either it’s a fact or it’s a notion.

Q: It’s an experience that there is no experiencer.

A: Exactly. So, who is aware of this experience?

Q: No one. I mean, the experience is there but I can’t find an experiencer. And this is also an experience, the not finding of an experiencer.

A: Yes, yes. Now, in all of this, you say that this is an experience and yet you cannot find an experiencer. What does that mean? You cannot find the phenomenal existence of such an experiencer.

Q: Yeah.

A: And yet that there is awareness of this, that you are aware of this, cannot be denied, isn’t it?

Q: Sorry?

A: Either you are aware of it directly or you’re making it up. And you’re not making it up, therefore you must be aware of it. Is there a third option?

Q: I’m saying that there is an experience. So, now you’re asking whether I’m aware of that experience.

A: Yes. Otherwise, how would you report it?

Q: How would I know that I’m aware of that experience? I say the experience is there.

A: Yes, on what basis?

I’m saying, I’m offering to help you with this; to say that there are only two ways in which we can say something. One is that we learned it conceptually and therefore we can report it, like I said the world is round. Or it is our living experience, it’s our direct awareness of this fact. So, which one is it in this case? Or is there a third option you can tell me?

Q: I mean, the experience is there that there that I can’t find an experiencer.

A: Very good. And who is aware of this? That is the question.

Q: No one.

A: This is good. This is already very good. So when you say ‘no one’, it’s heard that there is no awareness of it. Or is it a bit fuzzy right now as to what is aware?

Q: The thing is I can offer hypotheses…

A: That is of no interest to most of us here.

Q: Exactly.

A: So, let’s keep that aside.

Q: So, I could say that, I mean….

A: [Laughter] What is happening NOW?

Q: What is happening now is…

A: You said very beautifully that ‘I can sense the experience of something but this experiencer I cannot find’. Therefore just the simple question was ‘Who is aware of this experience but no experiencer’?

Q: I mean again, I feel this is also an experience that is being reported that there is no experiencer and…

A: Yes. And who is aware of it?

One thing is certain, is that it’s not [some other person] telling you this is being experienced. There is something more direct in this experience. So who is aware of this experience?

Does this question resonate for you? If this question resonates for you, it’s going to make all of this very simple. It’s going to make all of this very simple. Because mostly the prolongation of the seeming spiritual journey is for two reasons. One is that the inquiry itself does not resonate. And the second is that even after the recognition of who we are, we insist on believing that which we are not.

So forget about the second one for now. At least the inquiry is resonating, yes? Kind of, sort of …? [Laughter].

Q: [Laughter] I mean, what I mean is that…

A: Ok, can you repeat the question that I’m asking?

Q: Who is aware of there not being an experiencer?

A: Very good.

Q: To which I’m saying again that this is an experience and I have no means of…, again I…, I mean…

A: Nobody here is going to Advaita police you [Laughter]. On Facebook there is a lot of ‘Advaita police’. You post a simple message, ‘I put my head at my master’s feet’ and somebody says ‘What master? What feet?’ You know? ‘We are all just One. None of this ever happened anyway’. [Chuckles] Nobody is going to do that here. You can say ‘I’. You can say whatever you want.

Q: So, who is to test that there is no experiencer?

A: There is no test. The question is ‘Who is aware that there is no experiencer?’ Because you said that ‘There is experience but no experiencer’. And I said that ‘Either this was learned or understood conceptually or it is our direct experience’. Which one is it?

Q: How do I tell the difference?

A: One: is it just coming as a concept? I even gave the example. Is the world round or flat? If the question was that, what would you say?

Q: Hmm. [Laughter]

A: Most of us would say round, why? Because we heard it from credible sources, we learned it from credible sources. That is conceptual knowing. Now if I say ‘What color shirt are you wearing?’ then you just check and you see it and report from there.

Now besides this conceptual knowing and the direct checking, is there a third way to report on something?

Q: [Silence]

A: This is very important for all of us, because many times even in spirituality, we are just reporting from second hand knowledge, from books or parroting our teachers. We must learn to now go with what is direct. Because if the truth is the truth then the truth must be Here. If the Self is the Self then the Self will not be found in the future; it must be recognized Now. This Self-realization, the realization of the Self, must be only in the now.

Q: I think it is sort of a concept but was a concept based on experiences from before, where I felt that ‘This is not allowed, this can’t be me’ and all that. And then I felt that ‘This is allowed’. And then gradually this ‘What I can’t be’ kept getting challenged gradually. Then after a point, it did become a concept. There is some assurance; and whenever that is challenged, again, it will be challenged.

A: So, just for a little while, (this will not last very long [Laughter], depends on your definition of long actually, but just for a little while), forget about all that happened in the past; all the reasons for why we come to certain conclusions and what the conclusions were, just keep them aside for some time. The question is very simple. You are hearing a sound of this voice. You say that ‘It is an experience but the experiencer I cannot find’. So this answer itself is music to my ears. So now the simple question after that was ‘Who is aware that there is an experience but there is no experiencer?’

Q: [Silence]

A: This requires a fresh way of looking because thinking about it will not help. The mind cannot go there, isn’t it? You see this already. So you must…, for this question we have to rely on what is directly experienced…, (although the word ‘experience’ is not the right one but you have to use some word). So, just like I asked him a question, I can ask you right now. It’s a simple question. If I ask a child ‘Are you aware now?’…, as long as the word ‘aware’ is understood by him, he’ll say yes.

Q: [Silence]

A: Where are we now? [Chuckles] Actually the [inaudible] this inquiry. Now mind will give you all kinds of resistance. It will say ‘But, but, where is this going? I’m not understanding anymore’. It can say anything, because it gets frustrated with this question.

Q: I mean, I’m not frustrated exactly; it’s just that I don’t have an answer.

A: [Laughter] You ring an alarm. If you are starting to get frustrated, I’ll stop [Laughter].

Q: No, no. It’s just that I can’t give an answer with confidence, any answer. I can’t say that ‘I’m sure there is no experiencer. There is someone aware there is no experiencer’. Nor can I say that there is…, what is the other thing? [Laughter] That ‘There is nobody experiencing that there is no experiencer’.

A: Yes, because this was your report; that there is no experiencer, there is just an experience. And on the basis of that I asked this question ‘So, who is aware of this?’ Now this question will seem very troublesome to the mind but actually it is very naturally to ask.

So, if there is openness, let that question marinate for some time and we can come back to it.

Q: If we enjoy something like food or a treat, who enjoys it? Is it the consciousness, ego, other, or…?

A: Or? [Chuckles]

Q: Or the Highest?

A: This is good. At least she made this a multiple choice question. [Laughter] Because usually what I say, (maybe she heard this), is when a question like that comes, I say ‘So, what are the options?’ [Laughter]

So, what are the options? [Laughter] Consciousness, ego, Absolute Awareness or the Self.  Okay so, the ego is what? Let’s go step by step.

Q: The separate self.

A: The separate self. Does it really exist or is it just a belief?

Q: It’s a belief.

A: So it’s a belief. So if I had a belief that I’m from Mars, can I taste something? That one which came from Mars, can it taste something?

It’s just a belief. You see? So, belief has no existence in this realm of appearances; in this realm of atoms and molecules, seemingly. It has no existence even here. It is not even a clear imagination.

So, obviously it cannot be the separate idea that we have about ourselves that ‘The separation happened and I exist separately’. It’s just an idea. You see?

You’ve seen that, so it cannot be that. So then the next was, Consciousness? What is that?

Q: It’s Awareness.

A: So, if Consciousness is Awareness, then why do we have one more word called Consciousness? [Chuckles]

It is true, what you say and yet we use the term Consciousness. Isn’t it? What does it imply?

It implies simply that there is an apparent difference between the sleep state and the waking state. You see? There’s an apparent difference between the sleep state and the waking state.

There is awareness of sleep. And yet the waking state seems to be different; is experienced differently. Because, out of this hand comes the appearance of this finger. You see?

It’s still the hand. It’s still awareness. But the dynamic aspect arises as if it is this Consciousness. That I am; the sense that ‘I Am’ appears.

Is there any experience that you have had, without you first experiencing that You Are, in this way? Is there any experience which is experienced without this…, outside of this sense of Presence?

No. And that is why it is said that, the prayer of surrender is the prayer which says ‘Tvam karta, Tvam bhogta’ [which means] ‘You are the doer and You are the experiencer.” But what is the Tvam? You, in this case.

It is the same Consciousness, the ‘I Am’.

Q: Yeah.

A: You see? So this Consciousness is not separate from Awareness, and yet is experienced differently. There is a seeming qualitative difference.

Just like there’s a difference between this fist and this finger out there; although, it’s still the same hand.

So, although it is made up of Awareness, it is playing dynamically as if it is Consciousness.

Now, everything you say yourself is a function of this light of Consciousness. Therefore, the experiencer and the doer, the projector and the screen, are the same…, which is this Consciousness. See?

So, who enjoys? Must be This, isn’t it? [Chuckles] Which is ultimately Consciousness. And yet, we are not to be very quick to come to the denial of Consciousness. Because it is our experience that the waking state arises. ‘I seem to participate in this waking state’.

Awareness is the unmoving, unchanging witness which is aware of this phenomenal tasting, phenomenal perceiving, phenomenal witnessing (you can call it). Awareness remains untouched.

Therefore, whether it is waking state, dream state, sleep state or any meditative states, it is not in any way affecting the Self, the Absolute.

And yet, there is the birth of this; there is the appearance of this dynamic aspect called Consciousness and all of this play, including the play of delusion and freedom which happens only in the light of this Consciousness. Isn’t it?

In sleep state, does somebody want freedom? No. You see? When you’re sleeping, can you have a taste of something? Can you have an experience phenomenally?

And yet, there is this ability to say that there is something called sleep state. Where does that come from? Who knows that there is something called sleep?

Why isn’t it that we say that ‘I’m going to dream, good night’? [Chuckles] If the only experience was that of the dream state, then we would say ‘I’m going to dream’. And we would say that ‘I had a dream and then I’m back here now’.

We would not say ‘I went to sleep and then I had a dream; then I went to sleep again and then I woke up’.

If there was no awareness of something called sleep, we would not be able to report on the existence of something called sleep. You see? So, that is the unchanging one.

This is impossible for the mind to fathom. [Chuckles] Because, the mind will be resisting even now, saying ‘But, but, but, there is nothing in sleep. I have not experienced sleep. I have never experienced sleep. I just had a time-lapse’. [Chuckles]

But it’s not true. You see? You don’t suddenly say ‘Oh it was dark and suddenly it’s light’.

If you didn’t know that there was something called sleep, it would just appear as if it there was a time-lapse. Suddenly, from dark it went to light. It’s a strange aspect of this realm. [Chuckles] You would not say ‘I went to sleep’.’

What would be even stranger is for us to say suddenly ‘I am here, and suddenly I’m in some other realm and there are other people’. You see? You would not say ‘It’s a dream’. You need the transition to sleep to be able to confirm that something is a dream. You see?

‘It’s just that suddenly I am sitting here and there is some tiredness in the body and suddenly there were other beings around me; [Chuckles] and suddenly that dissolved and this was here again’. That is not our experience.

Anyway, why are we talking about sleep? [Laughter] Ah, got it. [Chuckles] To clarify that:

Although Consciousness and Awareness are one, yet qualitatively, they play differently. Just like the finger seems qualitatively different from the arm…, the hand. Ultimately, it is one.

Q: You just mentioned ‘Hand over your life’. Can you explain a little?

A: Now, to understand how I surrender or how I hand my life over, first I must see how I was seemingly taking control of it in the first place. Isn’t it? So that is what we’ll hand over. So how was it that I was seemingly in control of my life? It was only in this way that a thought would come and say ‘You better pay your electric bill’. And you said ‘I paid it in time, therefore I still have electricity, so I did a good job’. Now, a thought came ‘You better go and get your teeth checked out, otherwise it’s going to be a root canal’. And you didn’t do it, and you said ‘Oh, I did such a bad job!’ That was another way of saying ‘I was in control, but I did it badly’. You see? So, both pride and guilt are based on this sense of doership.

So, now what we’re saying is ‘Hand it over to Existence’ means what? The thought comes, and for a while it seems like we even make a response like this saying ‘It’s my Father’s problem or it is the Satguru’s problem. Don’t take it up with me’. And you’ll find it if it is a true sense of surrender, it’s not a sort of avoidance, it’s not Advaita avoidance, you’ll find your feet will be marveling at how auspicious your steps have become. Before even you come to know that something needs to be done in that way, you find your feet are moving in that direction. This is the intuitive. You’re switching over from this mind-sense to the Satguru within, which is the intuitive Presence. Many times it will be that you don’t know why you’re walking left instead of right. But it reveals itself; and you say ‘Wow, this is why’. This is the handing over.

The mind will come and say ‘but, but, but, what will happen if I lose this control?’ Nothing will happen. This is trust. This is surrender. So, if you find that this trust, this faith, this surrender is there, then everything is simplified. As long as you find that it’s somewhat there, but not yet fully like that, then we must continue to inquire and say ‘Who is it that is in control right now in the first place?’ Then you see that both are the same thing actually. There comes a point where surrender and inquiry are one.

Q: Because the Seeing is not yet clear here and on a day-to-day basis, the thought comes that ‘If I don’t make breakfast, my kid will go hungry’. But my thing is to sit and meditate and then the breakfast is still not ready.

A: But…, find yourself without these conclusions. Find yourself without believing these conclusions. And then come and report to me after a week, saying ‘For a week, I haven’t given my kids breakfast’. See if it happens. Because this is just the mind resistance. It says…, for you it is saying…, mostly it says things like ‘Oh, but ‘I’m not the doer’ means I can just go and shoot at people and kill people. I’m not responsible’. Or it says ‘I’m just going to lay in bed all day; not do anything’.

Q: More complacent.

A: Complacency, laziness, lethargy.

So, you find that as you experiment with this, you might find that there’s more life energy flowing. You may double the breakfast that is required. [Chuckles]

Q: [Laughs] I will definitely put it into practice.

A: Yes. Experiment with this, very playfully. And then you will find. If you don’t find yourself experimenting with this…, because even if that is not there, (that you can experiment with it because so much belief has been given to breakfast or something), then you inquire into ‘Who is making breakfast now?’ Who is moving the body? Who is nodding your head?

It is said that for the movement of the hand to happen, some neurons have to fire, thousands or millions of neurons have to fire. You know how to fire a neuron?

Q: No, any of the involuntary actions, I have no control.

A: Ah. Now words are coming with the firing of neurons. No?

Q: [Laughter] But voluntary I am asking…,

A: So, that’s what we’re asking. We’re getting into the mechanics of how you do it. You say ‘Voluntarily, I am asking this question’. For the question to be asked, your mouth had to move. For the mouth to move, some nerves and neurons had to be activated. How did you do that?

Q: Yeah.

A: You don’t know how to move a single inch, of anything. This presumed entity that we can’t even find does not exert some mystical energy here and move our bodies. You see?

[Silence] How can the person be in control if it is not even found? This is the funny thing; there is the power of our pretense. This is the leela; how so much faith can go into that one that we cannot find, and how we are in denial of That which is Here.
Q: When I have inquired, (this is the practical problem I have found), that it’s all about this body and the survival of the body. Most of the thoughts are about protecting its survival and the species. So if that was not there, then most of these things will disappear automatically. So, the question is…

A: Okay, so, whose body is this? The question of survival of the body means that ‘This must be my body’.

Q: No. The reporting of all the sensations, the physical discomfort or what is happening…, not to the person next to me, but to somewhere here, somewhere here; not to anybody else. So, if I put my hand in the fire there is a natural thing to take it back otherwise I’m going to destroy my hand. So, that is where the mind…

A: So, the question is: Who is experiencing these sensations? Is there a Soumya there?

Q: Yeah.., somewhere there is.

A: There is? [Chuckles] She found it! [Laughs] A thousand dollars! [Ananta’s ongoing joke or offer that if anyone can find and show him the ‘person’ he will give them a thousand dollars]

What does she look like, this Soumya?

Q: It’s just …, where are the sensations are being reported to?

A: Ah! Sensations. Go to any sensation in the body, and show me the Soumya who is experiencing them.

Q: I mean, if I stay with it, it just becomes a wide openness.

A: It just becomes a wide openness, but I don’t want to do that. [Laughs]

Q: But for that, I have to sit with my eyes closed. When my eyes are open and I’m going about, it’s not becoming wide openness, it’s feeling like…

A: Yes. But like I was saying to someone before, today, that to confirm that the sun comes from the East, you don’t have to stare at the sun all day. Isn’t it? The recognition can be recognized in an instant. And after that it becomes that if some doubt is still believed then we check again. If some doubt is still believed then we check again.

But the coming to a constriction of our attention and it not leaving home cannot be freedom. You see, this is a misconception that we have. If freedom meant that I could not move out of Awareness and I was only aware of this, and no phenomenon would come in front of me, then why would I create this world in the first place? It must be for this phenomenal tasting, phenomenal experiencing. It doesn’t change the nature of what I am.

So, what we have confused is that…, the moment of recognition we have confused to be a state; and we say that ‘Now I must be in that state only. Only then I will be free’.

Q: I have understood that, yeah.

A: This recognition is enough to show you that there is no person here. So, when these thoughts are coming and saying ‘You have to run your life. You have to make breakfast. You have to pay bills’…, the question is ‘Who?’ I don’t find anybody here.

You see, it’s not even like this, that you’re having this conversation; automatically it just gets dropped.

Q: Yeah, many times I’ve woken up at some time because something needs to be done, and I’m like ‘Oh, I’ve slipped up and now I’ve been woken up’. A lot of things happen on a day-to-day basis that shows that something else is watching over or making things happen. But at the same time, the recognition is not complete.

A: There’s still a sense that something is happening to ‘you’. And as long as that sense is there, you will say ‘Okay, okay, no person here, but please make sure that nothing happens to me, okay?’ That is like deal making with God. ‘I surrender to you, but actually please…, something is watching over me very nicely, but…’ Suppose that something was a trickster and just wanted to have fun like Krishna. [Chuckles] Then…? Because when you see that nothing.., there is no suffer-er, then this fear of ‘What is going to happen, what the future entails; am I taking care of my stuff or not?’ will not be so much.

Q: Naturally moving away from pain to make sure that the body is healthy, or …

A: Yes. But the body which is moving away from pain is which one? [Silence] It’s naturally designed in this realm, as Consciousness has designed it, that the movement away from pain happens; just like a small child knows that it is wrong to lie, even before necessarily they’ve been told. So some things are part and parcel of this.

Q: Primitive brain or whatever that is; it’s all pre-programmed. So, that is not mind, right?

A: No, that is just part of this. Even the mind is Consciousness actually. But just because the mind is Consciousness doesn’t mean that we must believe it. I jokingly say, (when the audience is not new), I say ‘But even an axe-murderer is Consciousness’. And somebody resists and says ‘Why you always pick on the mind? Mind is also Consciousness’. You see? Even the serial killer is Consciousness, an axe-murderer is Consciousness. Let’s go meet them, hug them; who does that? Nobody. In the same way, we must not believe what the mind is saying although of course it is Consciousness Itself.

Q: Is there any time that believing the mind is helpful?

A: [Chuckles]. Okay. I will give you an answer which nobody else is hearing. Okay?

When it is reporting factually that the color of this shirt is gray, then it’s okay. Believe it.

Q: So, second level thinking is not required…

A: Any time you inject a ‘me’ into it, it is trouble.

Q: Okay.

A: If it means something to you, (you would rather I wear a kurta), then that is trouble.

Q: Unassociated.

A: If it’s impersonal…, which it rarely is. But you wanted some concession for the mind, so I’ll give it that. [Chuckles]

Q: Alright. Thank you.

Q: This sense of ‘I’ is very deceptive Father. In deep sleep I am present but ‘I’ has no quality at that time. Or…, because I have spent my entire life defining ‘I’ as this waking state sense…, this ‘I’…, or rather ‘I am’…

A: Yes.

Q: In deep sleep I am there. ‘I’ ‘I’. The only reason why I don’t know that nothing is happening, (or when I say that nothing is happening), is because there’s no appearance at that time.

A: Yes.

Q: So the real ‘I’ has no…, there’s no quality to it.

A: Yes, yes.

Q: It’s understood on one level.

A: Yes.

Q: and yet…

A: So the understanding…, throw it away!

Q: Yes, okay.

A: Okay, because that understanding is not serving a purpose.

Q: Yes, okay, yes.

A: The point is not to make spiritual…

Q: Yes…

A: …diagrams.

Q: Yes…, yes.

A: [Laughing] Right now when I ask you ‘Are you aware now?’…, what is your experience?

Q: Yes.

A: Why do you say ‘Yes’? No, let’s look.

Q: I…, okay.

A: It’s good.

Q: Yes.

A: The mind very quickly comes. [Playfully mimicking someone shrugging their shoulders like they’re saying ‘I don’t know’.]

Why do we say ‘Yes’ and not ‘No’?

[Silence] Why does it seem silly to say ‘No’ to this question ‘Am I aware now?’

Q: Because there is awareness…, there is awareness of…

A: There is awareness.

Q: Yeah.

A: And yet you don’t see it, do you?

Q: No. I cannot perceive, I cannot…, yeah, I cannot see it.

A: You cannot see it…

Q: Yes.

A: …phenomenally.

Q: Yes.

A: You see? Then for anything else, are you able to speak these words?

Q: Can you explain it?

A: That, for example, I say ‘Is there a table?’

Q: Yes, yes, yes.

A: You see the table and say ‘Yes’. If you don’t see it you would say ‘There is no table’.

Q: Right.

A: But for awareness, why is it that you say ‘Yes’ and yet you don’t see it? [Silence] Even the mind cannot argue with this.

Q: I don’t want to give a mental…, yeah…

A: Because it’s fairly logical to say that ‘I’m confirming the existence of something’. I confirm the presence of it phenomenally; the hand, the table, the computer. But when I ask you this question ‘Are you aware now?’ you say ‘Yes’ and you say ‘Awareness is here’. Undeniably, isn’t it?

Q: Mmm.

A: So this awareness, who is aware that awareness is here?

Q: I am.

A: You are.

Q: I am.

A: As what? Are you-as-a-phenomenal-object aware of the existence of awareness? [Silence]

Q: No.

A: No. And yet you are aware. ‘I am aware’. ‘I’ which is aware is awareness itself.

Therefore you are not a thing. You are not a phenomenon. Although all phenomena are also a part of you; they arise within you (but let’s keep that aside for some time). This ‘I’ that is aware, what are its qualities?

Q: I can’t even call it ‘I’ in a sense.

A: Yes.

Q: Because the ‘I’ comes after…

A: And yet you cannot even deny that it is you…

Q: It is me…

A: Because it is not second hand that you are aware.

Q: Yes.

A: You’re not referring to Gopala or to Azhar and say ‘Am I aware’.

Q: No. But there’s only…, there’s only me here to be aware…

A: Yes. The problem is that the ‘I’ has been misused for so long that when we’re coming to the real use of it, it seems a bit strange.

Q: So, what is confusing Father is that in deep sleep there is no ‘I’, there’s no…, this ‘I’ is very different from….

A: Yes, but who is there to say that ‘There is no ‘I’? Isn’t this your own direct experience that there was no ‘I’?

Q: In deep sleep? Yes. Yes.

A: So, there is whose…? Your experience…?

Q: Yes, yes.

A: So you were there.

Q: Yes.

A: But when you say ‘no I’ that means….

Q: No quality…

A: …no ‘I Am’.

Q: I am, yes. Yes.

A: The sense that ‘I exist’ also was not present. Forget about the sense that ‘I am a person, I am a body, I have these family members, I have these likes and dislikes’. All of that is not there…

Q: Right.

A: You see? Now we’ve gotten used to using the ‘I’ in this way, which is the ‘I’ that follows ‘I am-this or I am-that’. But when only this ‘I’ remains you say ‘But that is not an ‘I’ at all’.

Q: Yes.

A: Then who is it?

Q: Because it…, it’s nothing.

A: It’s nothing, yes.

Q: Nothing, right?

A: This is the ‘I’ that I’m introducing you to. [Smiling]

Recognize your own nothingness; no-thingness. I’m a bit wary of using the word nothing now, you see, because the mind very quickly takes it on as a negative nothing. So, recognize your own emptiness; your own no-thingness.

When Bhagavan said ‘I’ removes the ‘I’ and remains the ‘I’, this is what it means. This ‘I’ that remains is un-label-able, you see.

Q: Yes, but it’s…, we’re so used to saying ‘I woke up’ and I believe it every morning that I am waking up and I am going to sleep, whereas it’s only the Beingness or it’s only the…, All we are doing is seeing the appearance.

A: Yes, yes. Okay, so…

Q: But there’s so much conditioning though that.

A: Take a simple example. There’s a piece of paper in front of us. Once in a day it changes color. It goes from white to black and then back to white. Now that this change of state happened; to report that it happened, there must have been a witness of it. Otherwise it is impossible to report.

Q: Right.

A: So if there was no witness which was present throughout the changing of state then we could not say that there was sleep and there was waking. ‘I woke up at 7.30am’. You cannot say, unless there was a constant witnessing of the change of state

Q: Right. But it is so ‘not there’ that you don’t give it…,

A: The ‘no- thing’ nothing.

Q: …you don’t give it any…, the mind is so conditioned; there’s just so much belief in that. ‘Okay, I wake up, I go to work. I do this and then I go to bed’.

A: That’s why, you’ve used the ‘I’…

Q: Wrongly…, yes.

A: …as if it is figment of our…

Q: It’s your problem, Father.

A: [Laughing] Suddenly…, suddenly he went from inquiry, deep inquiry state, to surrender!

[Laughter]

Q: Nothing…

A: When Bhagavan said ‘Do either the inquiry or surrender’ [Laughing] and somebody said ‘Why can’t I do both?’ This is a good question on the face of it, but when you look at it really, what happens is that once you inquire, if you really inquire, there is nobody left to surrender.

Q: Yes.

A: You see? Once you really surrender, there is nobody left to inquire.

Q: Nobody left to inquire, yes.

A: That’s why Bhagavan said ‘Do either the inquiry or the surrender’.

Q: It’s still your problem, Father! [Laughing]

A: [Laughing] Only this is my problem? Then you cannot keep a problem for yourself.

Q: No. It is…, every…, there is no this and other…., this is. It is always…

A: Ah! Don’t Advaita me!

Q: No, no. [Laughter] No, no, no…

A: So, is your entire existence now my problem?

Q: I would love to say that to you, that ‘Yes, my entire existence’…, but I’m still…, there is still some identity that is…

A: That’s what I’m saying.

Q: I would love to be, you know.

A: So, 50% surrender will not work.

Q: Yes, yes. Yes.

A: So, either you say that ‘My entire existence is your problem’ [or] if we don’t say that then we must do the inquiry. [Laughing] You see? [Laughing] Surrender cannot be just the escape from the inquiry! [Laughing]

Q: No! I love the inquiry. But at times you can’t inquire anymore, you know? You just want to…

A: Yes, yes.

Q: Okay? And also you see the inquiry happening in a sense. You, you, you…, but the intensity of the inquiry…, you start believing the inquiry.

A: Yes.

Q: But also there’s seeker, Father.

A: Yes. So, firstly we can inquire into what it is that is not yet my problem?

Q: I think this attachment to this ‘I Am’, Father.

A: Attachment to the ‘I Am’ itself?

Q: Yes.

A: But I am that I am.

Q: Okay. [Laughing] But there is this attachment to…

A: As we’re speaking in Satsang, I’m not presenting Ananta, you see. Ananta is just an instrument.

Q: Yes, yes.

A: This one…the voice which is speaking is representing this ‘I Am’ itself.

Q: Right.

A: So you’re not surrendering to this bucket of flesh and blood which is sitting on this chair…

Q: Right.

A: You see? You’re surrendering to your own holy Presence, which is that ‘I Am’. Now, you say the addiction is to what?

Q: Sorry, I don’t…, that actually was…, wrongly put. Addiction is to the ego, the ‘I’, the ‘me’. You know? There is an addiction to that which I have called ‘me’ for so long.

A: Yes.

Q: You know, in a sense, right? So, whether it is anything, right? So, I think if you ask me ‘Is there complete surrender?’ No, there is…

A: Yes, yes. So, that which causes you suffering is the identity which still remains.

Q: Right.

A: You see? And we’ve been through this often; that usually we are in this belief that we have very complicated lives, but if we deconstruct our lives, it’s basically about four or five things.

Q: Yes.

A: Mainly these four things, you see. One: relationships; special relationship. Two: security/money/work. Three: the health or lack thereof of the body and Four: this sense of finding some meaning or freedom itself in this life. Which one is juicy? It doesn’t have to be only one.

Q: Honestly, I see a bit of all Father.

A: Bit of all.

Q: I mean there is…, there is relationship identities, there is money…

A: Okay, so one by one, as we go through these, who here, (when you check; when you do an internal audit), who can have a relationship? Can the body have a relationship?

Q: No.

A: Is the body interested in what your relationships are doing right now?

Q: No.

A: So, who is that one that has an attachment?

Q: Just the belief. Just the believed identity. Just the false.

A: Yes, but is the belief an entity?

Q: No. There is no entity in that sense, yes.

A: So, whose relationships are they?

[Silence]

You see?

So, in this way we use the inquiry to come to the recognition that there is no separate entity. No separation ever happened. And we come to the recognition of the Self as this Awareness Itself.

Q: I had a feeling that Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] had made our life a little more complicated. It is three simple but intricate questions; simple but intricate. ‘Who am I?’ If I question myself, I am not ‘I’. And there’s no question of my existence at all. If this is not there, the other two questions need not be addressed at all.

A: Yes, exactly.

Q: But can you complete those sentences? Because this has been pondering over my mind all the time.

A: Actually, the question ‘Who am I?’ takes precedence over everything else. So, what is it really that is being pointed to? So, when you say ‘I am not I’…, what does it mean? ‘I am not I’? Can you elaborate a little on that? What does it mean ‘I am not I’?

Q: I have no existence at all.

A: But these words are coming from where? These words are coming from somewhere.

Q: Yes. This is an interesting point, a primal point. I am not I. ‘What am I?’ means ‘Who am I?’

[Laughter]

A: No, what I was asking was, when you say ‘I am not I’ what does it imply? Which ‘I’ are you not? You mean you’re not the body? You are not the person, the ego? You are not God? Which ‘I’ are you referring to?

Q: I am not the body.

A: You are not the body.

Q: That is the final say. It may be different also.

A: Very good. So, just because you’re not the body, does it imply that you don’t exist? You exist only as the body?

Q: I think so.

A: But which body? Many bodies you experience.

Q: Human body.

A: Human, yes. [Chuckles] If you go to sleep tonight, you have a dream; in the dream also you have a body, no?

Q: Yes.

A: Body is there. It experiences pleasure and pain? Or no? It experiences all that is there; time, space, sensations of the body. All are experienced. So the one that is aware of this experience, of this so-called waking state, and the one that is aware of that experience which is so-called dream state, who is that one?

Bodies changed, isn’t it? But the witness of these two experiences, was it a different one? Or was it same?

The question is making sense? It’s appealing?

Q: Yes.

A: Who is the witness of the dream and the witness of the waking state?

Q: The man dreaming; then it is I who have that feeling.

A: Ah. So, this ‘I’ is not the body? Because body changed. You can have any other body in the dream, isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A: So, which is this ‘I’ which remains constant through the dropping and the picking up of even these bodies?

That is what the exploration is about. So, very good. You already say that ‘I cannot just be this body’. Now, some have had this as an insight and some know this just intuitively also, saying that ‘How can I just be made up of this food and liquid I’ve consumed? There must be something more than that’. There must be something here that is prior to the sense of this body; that which Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] called the ‘I-I’ and [Nisargadatta] Maharaj called the ‘I Am’. You see? It’s a beautiful contemplation to look at.

So, when I say ‘Can you stop being now?’…, what do you say?

So, this sense of ‘being’ is here, isn’t it? Sense of being is here? So, this sense of being, you are witnessing even this. Isn’t it? So, this witness…, what does this witness look like?

[Silence]

The mind cannot solve it. No knowledge can help here. It is only when we check for ourselves ‘Who is this that is aware even of being?’ So this is what Bhagavan is pointing to.

Now, some of us are inclined to this inquiry. Some are inclined to this inquiry. Some, you ask the question ‘Who am I?’ and they want to run from the room; [Laughs] which is also fine. You don’t have to come into any peer pressure to do the inquiry. If the inquiry makes you run, then find a place where you find some peace, some joy, some space, where you can just be happy naturally without any reason. If you find that in the Presence of one, you find this peace, this joy, this space; life doesn’t seem to have so many problems, you find yourself naturally smiling, like that…, if you find such a one, then hand over your existence to this one. You don’t have to inquire; don’t have to do anything at all. It can be that after being in the Presence of such a one, then automatically something starts opening up to the inquiry. We must not force the inquiry down somebody’s throat.

So, it is only when I find that just some simple mental blocks are getting in the way, then I’ll say ‘No, no. Let’s look now. Let’s look together’. But just come to a place where you find some peace, you find some space…, this simple test: if you find yourself naturally smiling around someone without any reason, then you can be there for some time and you’ll find that something will open up in you. If you find that all this questioning seems like ‘What’s the point? What is all this?’ …, then this will [instead] start to become very natural and simple.

Q: Thank you. You have used the word ‘peace’. It’s very simple, and very small also. But ‘Who obtains this peace?’ is not as simple as one thinks.

A: Yes. That’s what I’m saying, that it will not be anywhere that you go that naturally you find this peace. So, in the Presence of this one where you naturally find this peace, then you must not leave that one. [Chuckles] Because it’s rare, just like you were saying. The one in whose physical presence itself, you find yourself naturally at peace, naturally smiling, then you stick onto that like super-glue. Don’t leave that one. That one will make everything simple for you.

Q: Thank you, sir. Thank you.

A: So, are you aware now?

Q: Yes. Yes. That is all that is important.

A: So, what knows this?

Q: It is the Awareness Itself which is saying yes.

A: That’s it. That’s why I was saying ‘It’s simpler than that’. [From previous conversation] The same for the question, Bhagavan’s [Ramana Maharshi] pointing ‘Who am?’ If you ask a baby ‘Who am I?’ there’s no point. You see? It’s like if you show somebody who cannot read a road sign.

Q: So, you’re talking about the Source of Awareness?

A: ‘The Source’? I was saying? Okay. [Chuckles] What did I say? More about it, please. I want to hear.

Q: No, where is it’s location? Where is this…

A: Ah. Spatial location.

Q: …spatial location. Does that indicate that there is a Source from which Awareness Itself is arising?

A: So, we say that there is Awareness. So, the question is ‘So, where is Awareness?’ We say ‘There is Awareness’. So I’m saying ‘Where is Awareness?’

Q: Okay.

A: Is it to your left, right, up, down?

Q: It has actually nothing to do with this concept of space, yeah.

A: So, where is the space then?

Q: Once it is, then…, it’s like one of the things that is attributes appearing in…

A: Once it is what?

Q: This Awareness.

A: Is there ever no Awareness? Not in location; I know it’s sounding like that.

Q: No. In the waking state, space manifest as one of the attributes of that, (one can say).

But Awareness is not dependent on space. Space is dependent on Awareness.

A: So, then, if …, (let me use something that I often say, so), space is like one of the grand-children of Awareness. There is this unchanging backdrop on which the super-imposition of the sense that ‘I exist. I Am.’ appears.  With this appearance of this super-imposition come all of these energetic forces and movement; the force of attention, belief, gravity, light, sound, all of this, electro-magnetism, all chemical, biological forces come into play.

Q: But it is perceived that some spaces heighten the feeling of awareness.

A: Elaborate? Space…?

Q: In some spaces…, I’ve not contemplated it much but there are some times where you are in a state of heightened awareness.

A: Okay, let’s look at what it means. Heightened awareness only means that our attention is more stabilized at home. You see? It’s not fluttering about so much.

So, it is found that in the Presence of the un-associated Being, which is not attached to concepts and ideas about itself, then in this physical realm also it can seem like when the appearance of such a one is there, then our mind is more settled and our attention rests more at home.

Q: I am aware, like I am Aware that the…, no connection with existence and everything.

A: Yes.

Q: But still, why is it that I have to still like…, (like, you know, in life, in materialistic life), I still have liking and dis-liking? And why some things happen I won’t like, I should connect it to the existence? Because maybe…, again belief is there; through existence it is coming to me. But then I should accept. But then I dislike or like…, all such things?

A: Without being Shweta; [Questioners name] Shweta, no? Without being Shweta, without existing as a person can you have a like or dislike?

Q: I understand what you’re saying but then somehow I have to come back to this body right? Somehow I have to be in this body to connect to this…,

A: Okay, now where are you?

Q: As in this Shweta, what you call?

A: [Laughter]

Q: If I have to say, I would say I am calling this body a Shweta, but my soul and my Consciousness and my Awareness is connected to the existence so…,

A: Okay so..,

Q: But it will have to come back to this body to get related; then why?

A: Yes. The first thing to know is that this body is quite innocent actually. It’s not the body. What is doing, it is just sitting over there innocently; poor thing. Isn’t it? So, is the body concerned with relationship?

Q: The body as such is not concerned.

A: The body is not concerned. Is the body concerned about how much money’s in the bank account?

Q: No, no, no body is not concerned.

A: Body is not concerned. So the body, as we have seen, is just simple, innocent. What we are looking for is this one who… [Inaudible] Ananta is a concept; that we like or we don’t like Ananta is a concept we have about that, you see? So if it is not the body who can like or dislike the appearance of another body…? The body is not concerned.

Q: Right.

A: Who is that one who is concerned? And I’ll sweeten the deal for you. [Laughter] If you show me this one, you can win a thousand dollars. [Laughs]

Q: No, I agree there’s nobody..,

A: You agree, why? Because he has told you or…? [Laughs]

Q: No, like, if I see there’s no one actually…,

A: When you check, you find no one. Yes? Okay.

Q: So still why, why does this…?

A: Yes, this is good. Upon the recognition also, if we find that there is nobody here, then why is it that I still seem to operate in this way? That is the question, isn’t it?

Q: Accha. [Okay]

A: Now, what is it that is trying to convince you that there is a person here with likes and dislikes?

Q: That I don’t know.

A: That is only one, and it’s a voice. It’s the voice of the mind. Because every thought is reliant on the presumption that you are separate from the rest of this. No thought is speaking to you as if you were Consciousness. Even the thought which says ‘I am God’ is speaking from a tone of specialness that ‘Oh, I’ve attained God’ or something like this. And the same thought will tell you tomorrow that ‘You are worthless, you are useless’. So this one…, who is this one representing that says ‘Oh this one is nice’ or ‘This one is not so nice’ or ‘I want to be with him’ or ‘I want to be with her’? This voice we cannot not hear, isn’t it? The energy construct called thoughts; who are they representing?

Q: It’s not mine. I mean, they’re coming out of my mind.

A: We already said that this ‘me’ I cannot find. This body…, I found just atoms and molecules. So another form of energy is this thought which is saying ‘This is what you must do, eventually you have to go back in the real world, all this satsang stuff is fine, but what about the real world?’ It says these things, isn’t it? So, this one, who is the client? It is the lawyer saying ‘Objection, objection, objection’ to everything that is appearing; but who is the client?

Q: I think I am the one who is hearing this…, these thoughts so…,

A: So this ‘me’ is which one? The body…, we already saw that the mind will come and say ‘See now you’re spending too much money, your bank account will become less’. The body doesn’t know anything about money.

Q: Then how’s it happening?

A: [Chuckles] Ah. This is good. So, to see that this one, this voice without the client, is the first step. ‘I cannot find that one that I’m always representing’. You see? This is the leela. If this world of maya appears, the leela is the play in this world of maya; which will mean that I first have to presume myself to be this person, which I can’t find. I look and I look and I look. I can’t find this person.

Now what happens? We find that there are these two forces; one is the force of attention and the second is the force of belief. How does it work? A thought will come. The thought could say ‘I am really enjoying this satsang’…, (which is a rare thought). [Laughs] But suppose this was a thought, (I’m being nice to myself today). So, the thought comes ‘I’m really enjoying this satsang’. If your attention didn’t go to it then it would not even appear. It would just be [Hand sweeps in a chopping motion] gone; something just passed. But attention goes to it. ‘Real’. You see? This attention is going.

Don’t bring your attention to a pink colored elephant. Very quickly attention starts going to the visual elephant. Isn’t it? So this attention is a tricky force. The more you try to control it, the more it wants to run. If I say ‘Don’t think of an orange’ then quickly attention goes to an orange. Attention is like that.

But just because attention goes to it doesn’t mean you are identified as a person; the ego is not yet born, in a sense. You also need to give it your belief. So if the thought is saying ‘I am wearing an orange jacket today’ your attention went to it, but still you have not believed it. So, you also have the power of belief.

It is this power of belief which allows you to define yourself in some way. ‘I’m like this, I am an honest person, I am hard working, I’m straight forward’. These kind of things we define about ourselves because we have the power to believe it about ourselves.

Now the person that we are presuming our self to be is nothing but a bundle of these concepts. ‘I am this, I am this, I am this’. It is only our power of belief which allows us to append attributes, (and don’t worry at some point we will go over some of this), to append attributes to the pure Presence ‘I Am’ and make it ‘I am this’ or ‘I am that’.

As we find that, (we look for the one these thoughts are representing and we find that there’s nobody here), more and more our beliefs in these thoughts start to reduce. Then as you hear this, the thought will come and say ‘But what will happen to your life? It will become a mess. Who will do your work? Who will pay your bills?’ It comes like this, isn’t it?

Now, this is reliant on the presumption, this is dependent on the idea that ‘This one (who I cannot even find) has been running my life so far; instead of the simple seeing that the One that is moving the planets, that is beating this heart, that is pumping the blood, that is breathing this breath…, that One must be doing all of this anyway. ‘He can do all of this, he can move billions of planets but my bills he cannot pay’. (My Master says like this). This is the idea, but who is doing all of this? ‘No, no that’s mine’. [Laughs]

We looked, isn’t it? So as we’re coming more and more to the seeing of what we are, our reliance on this non-existent ego is dropping. Our belief in this is dropping.

So, to come to the end of suffering is this simple pointing: ‘Don’t believe your next thought’. You cannot suffer unless you believe a thought. You cannot even report something that is happening to you unless you buy a thought about it.

So belief has been invested a lot in our favorite, more juicy attributes, you see? If we’ve been very focused on our relationship; then when a relationship thought comes then that will still get our belief. If I say that ‘You are terrible at ice skating’. (These old examples are coming back because you guys are here in satsang). So, if I say ‘You’re terrible at ice skating’ does it hurt you? It doesn’t hurt you. But if I say ‘You’re a terrible wife’. ‘Ouch!’ Okay, okay. [Laughs] If I say you’re a terrible [Inaudible]…, something will get you. Why not terrible ice skating? Because there is no identity invested with that. Now if you’d invested your identity in being an Olympic level ice skater and somebody came and told you that ‘You’re a terrible ice skater’ then it would hurt. So it is that which we’ve believed so much in the past, that which we have attachment to, the concepts; when those are encountered, then it will seem like something is hurt. But we ourself said ‘I don’t find the person’. So, who is the mother? Who is the mother? It’s just an idea that has been given belief and therefore it becomes a sense of identity around this concept.

Then, what is this that we call liberation? That is the root of the question, I feel. When I ask you this now, ‘Who are you?’…, I feel that very simply now you can come to the recognition of who you are.

So does that mean in the simple recognition I can say ‘All of you are liberated’? I can actually; [Chuckles] but in the appearance of this play there is also this sense that the appearance of those which we call the Sages are not believing what the thoughts are saying about themselves. It doesn’t change anything fundamentally about what you; because You Are That only. But in this worldly appearance of the play, different traits are being exhibited. And in the Sages the trait of laughing at every thought is being exhibited because it just becomes as if a comedian is sitting inside the head. That which you were taking so seriously now starts sounding like a joke. The voice is just convincing you that you’re a person, isn’t it?

[Silence]

Where are we? What happened? Something happened. You can say it; I’ve heard everything. Was there a ‘but, but…’ or something?

Q: So when we are so much into, you know, getting connected…, I mean to the existence and everything…, why can’t we just stay there?

A: So the question is…, (in a different way, we ask this question often in satsang that)…, Bhagavan said ‘Abide in that’ or ‘Stay as that’ for example. Now the flip side to it is that:

Can you leave that and show me? You cannot leave it.

So if you cannot leave it, then what effort can we make to connect to it?

Then, through the sense of abiding in it, or when it is pointed ‘Stay as the Self’ it only means, (in a very natural way), to stop pretending to be what you’re not. Because there is no ‘staying’. Awareness doesn’t have to stay as Awareness. It is just Awareness. I ask you ‘Can you stop being?’ You can’t stop being. Then are you making an effort to Be? No. So if Being is happening, then what is there to abide? It is just effortless. It is the…, I would like to say…, it is the dropping of the pretense; which is the abiding.

Q: So we need to find the pretense.

A: You don’t have to find. The mind will offer you pretense; every moment it will offer you something. As more and more you’re coming to the recognition of who you are, you will find that even this urge to believe the mind will reduce. Just like once you find that it is cholesterol which lead to the second heart attack for the body…, (I’m not making predictions. [Laughter] I’m just saying for example), then the plate of [Indian dish] on the conveyor-belt or on the buffet table will not seem that attractive.

The more we have come to the recognition of who we are, then when the mind is saying…’But he’s so mean to you’ or ‘He’s behaving like this with me’…, [You say]: ‘Who are you talking about?’ We don’t believe them, naturally. The sense in the belief in the false is dropping and the recognition of the True is arising. Then you will find that there is no effort needed to stay as the Truth. The Truth it is always staying. It is the power of pretending to be the false that is dropping.

Yes, so the question is from Ziya, she says ‘Who is it that is going to believe or disbelieve their next thought? I’m sorry, Father, if I’m being and Advaita Jerk’. [Laughs] No it’s a very good question. ‘But it has been seen over and over again that no matter what I do, when there is suffering or belief in thought, that it drops on its own accord’. Yes. ‘No one is doing anything. Inquiry is the play. Who will abide as I am? Who is not believing their thought? Even if a ridiculous thought comes, the body still reacts in sensation as if the thoughts were true’.

Very good. It’s very good to inquire into this. So, these primal powers; attention and belief…, who do they belong to? When it is said bring your attention to your nose, (for example), who is it that moves their attention to the nose? The person doesn’t know how to do this, the person is non-existent and yet there is some direction given to the attention. So who is here that does that? It is the only One, the manifest Presence which is this Consciousness itself.

Does Consciousness need to hear from Consciousness Itself that you must not be believing your next thought? Not in the ultimate reality, but in the play. In this play we have the entire realm of expressions which appear and the mind says ‘You must become a better person, you must be honest, you must make some money, you must have better relationships, you must take care of the body in this way or that’. Who is doing all of that? That is also Consciousness. You see? Once it is clear that all there is is Consciousness then no pointing, no instruction actually is necessary. But I’m still an active participant in the play and there is still identity, personal identity, playing out in any aspect of life including in our spirituality. Until then this instruction, this pointing is valid. This is how the play has been designed.

If the urge if here to discover the recognition of the self and the dropping of that which is false…, then along with that urge, in the appearance, in the realm, you will also find the appearance of the Master who is seeming to provide direction. Because we got used to not relating to that which is Formless. We’re unable to come to this recognition and dropping of the false belief. That is why Consciousness Itself manifests this form as a Master to say ‘What is keeping you stuck is only your belief in thought’.

Now if you’re not believing any thought then this pointing is not needed. You see? But if you’re believing thoughts about other things, other topics in our life, then don’t say ‘But who is there, not to believe?’ The same One, the actual same One, who can pick up or not pick up on the conveyor-belt of food, is the same one who can pick up or not pick up on the conveyor belt of thoughts. Only that One is present as Presence itself. That is why we say that this is just a monologue that Consciousness is having; actually this entire realm is just a monologue that Consciousness is having. But this monologue has a different quality to it because the rest of the talk in the world is about separation. This is about how to drop the separation. Now, if no separation is experienced then no pointing is needed. And for this we need to use our power of ‘smell’ in some way. So, if you can smell that in every aspect of life there is only Oneness then what pointing is needed? Nothing. But if you can still smell that there is identity playing somewhere, then use this pointing.

And as you see more and more that there is no doer here of anything at all, then you will find that all of this is one play. What is the best test of that? That in our neutrality we don’t find any form of resistance. So, once it is seen that there is no doer, then any pointing, even ‘Don’t believe you next thought’ will not be resisted. Because there’s nothing. It just flows in your neutrality. Because if something is opposing something which is appearing, then where is that coming from? What is at the root of that? Find out if the one that is saying that ‘This is not valid for me’ …, is that a tangible entity? Or who is that one?

Because the same things can be said in two ways. What you say can be said in two ways. One is that ‘Oh, wow, this is such a joyful discovery, that there is nobody here to believe or not believe thoughts. Who is to do this? Wow, this is amazing!’ And the second is to say ‘Oh, but who is here to not believe my thoughts?’ [Laughs] So, is this a discovery or is this a defense? That is what we have to check, isn’t it?

What I’m longing to hear from all of you is this perfume of it being the discovery, to say ‘Yes there is no concern here about suffering, there is nobody here, there is nothing which touches anything here; even belief, disbelief, attention, all of these things are not my concern anymore. God is playing like God is playing’.

Like this, you see? So, we can inquire into this and see whether this is coming from a sense of just openness. And then these words ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ will just be heard like music. And you know there is nothing to do about it because you’re not even identified with Consciousness to believe or not believe.

Now, what is the best test of that? If you find there is still a sense of suffering then it cannot be happening without our belief in some idea, in some thought. So, it’s very good if we remain open like this and we keep checking.

A: So first thing to check was whether this is a discovery, and we’re sharing with a sense of wonder that ‘Oh, there’s nobody here to even believe or not believe’. You see? It’s like this ‘Wow this is so amazing, so beautiful’. Hmm?

Or, is it some sort of a defense? Is it a discovery or a defense?

Q: Well, what was happening was there was so much suffering and I was out walking and I’d been doing everything, like inquiring, and.., everything, all the pointers that you give. And then suddenly it just dropped and there was the seeing from the place of…, well from everything, and this just absolute laughter of just how all of that effort of inquiring and not believing your next thought and doing a mantra and how all of that was just completely beside the point. And it was just like ‘Well, there’s nothing. It either arises and the inquiry will arise spontaneously…, which will supposedly lead to this seeing from the truth. But actually what was seen is that it can just drop regardless of everything.

A: Yes, yes.

Q: And then I was questioning…, ‘Well, even satsang; even this is part of the whole play as well’. And there was kind of this frustration that came amongst it because ‘Well, there is nothing I can do. There’s nothing I can do. And if I’m identified then that’s what is part of the script for Ziya’. And it just seemed like ‘Well, I’m going to suffer then, if there’s suffering pre-programmed into this one’s experience; and it’s going to drop when it’s going to drop’. You know?

A: Yes, yes. Okay, so this is a very important point and it’s a bit subtle, so just let’s all stay with this for a minute because it’s really, really important. Because when it’s happening to you, you will be able to spot it then. So when there is suffering, what can happen is three or four alternatives.

First is when there is suffering then we can keep believing our thoughts and our suffering thoughts; and then we can go for a drink to drown our sorrows, we can do various things. Mostly when we are not in satsang, this is how you get over suffering, isn’t it? We keep thinking, trying to come to some mental resolution of the suffering; or try to distract our minds, try to get away from the situation, try to feel better. We do all of these things. So this is the first.

The second is that when there is suffering then the words which we hear in satsang, they come. They’re coming and they’re saying ‘Don’t believe you next thought. Who am I? Who is it? Can I find the suffer-er?’ And when it is looked into like this, you find many times that the suffering energy or the ideas that were being bought, (thereby creating the resistance, the suffering in the first place), they themselves start to dissolve. You see? So this is the second alternative, which deepens our recognition and deepens our dropping of the conditioning.

The third thing that can happen is that we’re using the words of satsang just conceptually. You see? And you find that there is no relief coming from the words, there is nothing that is really helping. And then a concept comes like ‘There is nothing to be done’ or ‘There is nobody here to do anything at all’.

This in itself is a spacious concept the first time. This gives some relief. Then because this gives some relief, (a sense of relief comes when we see that there is nobody here to do anything), then the mind plays a trick and says ‘Okay, now you must just hold onto this‘. So, that which was just insight from a pure Seeing, (that there is no sufferer, there is nobody here who can do anything in the first place), that insight itself the mind tries to make into a concept. And then this concept itself gets used to be a defense against all of that which we heard, which lead to the insight in the first place.

So, the point of all of the pointings is to bring you to this insight, into the reality of what you are. And when it comes, you find that there’s nobody here, there was no do-er at all. And it comes with a sense of relief. But it is not the concept which lead to the relief; it is the insight which lead to the relief. Isn’t it?

So, the trouble with this sometimes, (which I have seen; in fact quite often now that I’ve seen), is that once it is mistaken that it is the concept which brought about the freedom from the belief, then that becomes a state of a lot of dichotomy. So, the next time the suffering comes, we say ‘There’s nobody here to do anything, I can’t do anything at all, nothing is happening to me’. But actually the sense of suffering is still being experienced and we get frustrated that ‘The concept is not working; in fact it’s leading to more dichotomy within me’ then it becomes a very stuck sort of state. Because the suffering is coming; and also the concept, (which is ultimately true), is trying to fight that state of suffering. So it’s just like you’re stuck in this, (as Guruji says), the snake and the mongoose. You get stuck like that.

To stay with the recognition that there is nobody here, to stay with the insight that there is nobody here, is different from the concept that there is nobody here. And it is not the concept which will help, but the insight.

Now, all the pointings of satsang are used so that we can come to this same space of insight about who we are.

Now, why I’m questioning you about this one is that many times we get confused about this, and we take on the concept itself that ‘There is nobody here’ as a defense mechanism. That’s why I say it’s very important to keep checking ‘Am I sharing it as a discovery? [Am I] saying ‘Ah there is nobody here. I have found there is nothing to be done, and it just drops by itself’?

Or are you saying that ‘Oh, what you shared in satsang, it is not at all helpful because actually there is nothing that can be done’. So then it smells conceptual. Because what happens is that you know for yourself that these pointers ‘Don’t believe your next thought. Are you aware now? Can you stop being?’…, all of these are very helpful.

So, if you find that something is trying to defend the concept of the insight that you received, verses feeling happy and grateful for all of those things which got us to the point of this insight, then we must see whether something is trying get hold as a mental idea. And then you will be able to smell the difference.

So when you say ‘Yes, Actually there is nothing ever to be done, nobody here to do anything; everything in the play of Ziya is just happening on its own. Just happening on its own, the suffering, the dropping. All of this is seen so beautifully, that there’s nobody here to do anything at all’. But in that it will not come with this sense that ‘Okay, but even satsang is not needed because everything is already happening on its own’.

Q: I really hear what you say, and there was definitely that moment of relief when it all dropped and there was just like ‘Oh, all of that’…, all of that  inquiring and not believing any thought and feeling; all the feelings and letting them all course through the body, and you know, doing all of that stuff. It was seen that ‘Well, all of that doesn’t really have any relevance because it’s like…, (What do you say? The bird and the coconut?), it seems to be cause and effect but really it has nothing to do with it. And so there is this sense of personal frustration now because now I’m back identified as this, (well, not really, but more so than I was), and the thoughts come ‘Well, if I’m going to suffer I’m going to suffer. If I’m going to believe this thought then I’m going to believe this thought. And if I’m going to inquire then that’s going to arise all spontaneously’. So, there is this energy of ‘I can’t do anything.’ [Laughs] I literally can’t do anything and it’s completely the will of God’. And in that, there is this huge relief; but there is this knowing that identity will play if it wants to.

A: Yes.

Q: And suffering will happen if it has to.

A: Yes, yes.

Q: Sorry, Father, I feel like a complete challenging jerk but it’s what’s been Seen.

A: It’s good like this. It’s very important you come to satsang with all of this. It’s very, very important.

Now, let’s look together and see whether once it is accepted that everything is the will of God, can there truly be suffering?

Q: No, not in the ultimate reality; there’s no suffering. No.

A: No, even phenomenally. Now, we say that ‘Okay, everything is the will of God’. You see, that means we have opened ourself out; there is no resistance, there is simple allowing. Isn’t it? Because we are allowing the will of God, there is nobody separate to do anything at all anyway, so our fists are completely open.

Now, we will find that without resistance, without creating a closure in some way, without closing our fists in some way, really the sense of suffering cannot be. The sense of pain can come, the sense of even emotional pain can come, but to say that ‘I am suffering’ cannot happen because it is all the will of God.

But now the mind will come and say ‘But yes…, but even suffering has to come, even that is the will of God’. You see? And I have heard this often. It is actually sort of an oxymoron. To say that everything is the will of God is state of complete openness, and in a state of complete openness we cannot find ourself suffering. So just remain open like that and see if it is possible for any suffering to come.

Q: How do you define suffering? Because you said emotional pain and emotional pain…, and that’s how I define suffering.

A: Yes. Emotional pain just means that there’s a sense of the urge to be with someone or something like that, or there’s a sense of hurt about what somebody said without it actually yet translating into something which is taken mentally or something like that. If you have a phone interaction…, or suppose I said something to you which is very mean right now, some sense of pain will come, without it being taken mentally. So, that is what you would be mean by pain.

But for it to become suffering, you have to get Ziya into the picture. You have to get identity into the picture. But there is no Ziya; everything is the will of God, God is doing and God is experiencing. You see? So if we are there, if we are open like that, then actually it is not suffering.

If there is suffering then we must inquire into ‘Who is the sufferer? Who is doing the inquiry?’ Or at least we must remind ourself that ‘It is all the will of God’. And you will find that if it is coming from a place of insight, it is the suffering which dissolves.

Otherwise, what can happen is we can take it conceptually that ‘All is the will of God, and even if suffering is coming there is nothing that I can do about it’. I’ve heard many speak like this. And when this concept ‘It is all the will of God’ is just taken mentally; once it is seen, once it is our living experience that everything is the will of God, then we cannot say ‘Everything is the will of God and yet I am suffering’…, except momentarily.

Q: But Father, Mm…, but this has been seen may times here and yet still there’s suffering, you know? Like…

A: Yes. Because it is not important what has BEEN seen, it is only important what you’re seeing.

Q: Yeah. [Laughs]

A: We cannot refer like that. We spoke once like this earlier. We cannot refer to past recognition.

Q: Yes, true.

A: We must rely on our present living experience. And as you’re opening now…, these are very beautiful words. You say ‘Everything is the will of God, there is no Ziya; God is the do-er, God is the experiencer’. Now show me suffering.

Q: Yeah. Well, I guess it’s just when a really heavy feeling in the body comes or when a huge anxious energy comes that there’s a label of that as ‘suffering’. But even when that is flowing through the body or being experienced, it’s known that it’s not true. It’s known that the thoughts accompanying these feelings and sensations aren’t true and that everything is scripted and like pre-programmed. But yet there’s a labelling of that as suffering; and there doesn’t seem that there can be anything…,

A: What you said very rightly is that the labelling of that is suffering. Actually, the labelling itself IS suffering. The minute we label it, it is suffering. You see? Now, of course, it is completely God’s will whether to label or not. You see?

Q: Yeah.

A: So this conversation is just God reminding Himself not to label. [Laughs]

Q: [Laughs] Father!

A: You see, if you say that ‘There is nothing for Ziya to do’…, I’ve never been talking to Ziya in the first place! Isn’t it? I know there’s nothing for Ziya to do because Ziya doesn’t exist. Now why does God need a reminder for Itself?

Q: It doesn’t. [Laughs] It doesn’t need a reminder. This is all part of the play.

A: Somehow. Somehow this is the way it is.

Q: Sorry.

A: No, it’s really good. I have also contemplated these questions many times. So why is it that God would need a reminder? It is just the way that this play is designed; that God comes to this space in the play where God is reminding himself not to believe His thoughts. God is reminding Himself to inquire into who He is or She is. It is the way the play is designed.

What I am questioning you to see against is that aspect of the play in which the insight takes on the role of being concepts; and they come into sound some sort of a cease-fire. [Chuckles] They come into some sort of a cease-fire with your suffering and say ‘I am going to suffer only. Okay, if it is destined in Ziya’s horoscope, then suffering will happen. Who am I to…?’ Then, if we’re looking at that situation from the perspective of Ziya again, then that is trouble. You see?

Q: Yes, but Father, if that happens…,

A: Now we spoke a bit about fear also, that when that urge…, (in that emptiness it can seem so wobbly and fearful), and sometimes it can be that our life situations are giving us so much trouble that an idea comes along that seems like it is the Truth. So, another tip for you is that if you find yourself trying to just rely on an idea, rather than the idea just being a pointer to something, the idea itself will not be the end of suffering. You see? It must point to something. It must remove something, some idea, some concept. Only then the idea is useful.

So, let’s look at the original question which was ‘Who is here to do the inquiry?’ And what is the answer?

Q: There’s no one here to do the inquiry.

A: And who is the one that is speaking these words?

Q: I don’t know; it’s just a voice coming out.

A: [Laughs] So, would you say that you exist? Or no?

Q: [Silence] I can’t say I exist as a separate entity, but there is an energy construct in the body which makes me feel confined here.

[Silence]

A: So, would you say that the difference in the sleep state and the waking state is that, in the waking state there is a body and then there is a ‘you’?

Q: Mmm. [Silence] There’s just a complete disassociation to your question. I couldn’t hear a word of it. Can you repeat it?

A: Yes, I said that…

Q: Something’s feeling attacked, Father

A: Yes. How does it happen? She was just here. [In Bangalore satsang for months] [Laughter]

Q: Something’s feeling defensive. [Laughter] Huh, what did you say?

A: I said ‘How does this happen? You were just here’.

Q: I know. [Laughs] I told you not to let me go. [Laughs]

A: So, this…, I was saying that…,

Q: Father, what do I do? Because I know there’s no one here, and I know that if I’m going to suffer I’m going to suffer.

A: And this one who knows that no one is here…, is which one?

Q: I don’t know! I don’t know, Father. [Laughter]

A: Suppose we met someone on the street and they said that ‘Oh, I know there’s no one here’. Then wouldn’t you say ‘But who is the one that knows?’

Q: Yeah, but you can’t say who is the One that knows.

A: You can’t see, or say?

Q: Say, how do you say?

A: Can you see the one that knows?

Q: No.

A: Do you mean not phenomenally? But you are aware of the existence of this one, no?

Q: Well, even non-phenomenally, there’s like this energy in this other realm that I can see; but that’s not me because that can be perceived. But I always get confused when someone says ‘Can you see it non-phenomenally?’ because I think ‘Well, is that energy that I can see, me?’ But then even that is perceived.

A: Okay, so when I say ‘Are you aware now?’ Now, what happens?

Q: [Silence] I’m aware.

A: And you’re sure you’re aware?

Q: I’m not aware.

A: Huh?

Q: I’m not aware.

A: Ziya?

Q: Mm.

A: When you say ‘Are you Aware now?’ you say ‘Awareness is here’. Yes?

Q: Yes.

A: So, this seeing that Awareness is here or this statement that ‘Awareness is here’…, is it based on a concept or is it based on direct experience?

Q: There is a direct experience that there is just this awareness of every situation, of the mind, of the emotions, of the body, of everything, all being inside of me; there is this Awareness.

A: Yes, but why do we not say ‘There is a tasting of them’ or something? We use a specific word; Awareness. What does that mean?

Q: I don’t know, Father.

A: Yes, but are you open to looking? [Laughs]

Q: Yeah, but I don’t know what you mean by your question. [Silence] I feel like you’re trying to trick me.

A: Are you channeling somebody? [Laughter]

Azhar: Me [Laughter]

Q: I just feel like it’s so clear…,

A: [Laughs] Azhar says you’re channeling him.

[Laughter]

Q: Oh, God. [Laughs] This happened last time with Mooji, acting like this divine robot.

A: Your voice is breaking up again. [Silence]

Q: [Inaudible] here, Father. And now you’re trying to put me back into the mind and I’m angry about it because there’s no one here. Why are you trying to tell me that there is? Sorry.

A: [Laughs] Yes. So the one that is clear that there’s nobody here, can that be attacked?

Q: No, no, but this doesn’t…, this isn’t happening, this isn’t real, this character…., it’s not even…, I’m like flipping between the two and it’s really confusing. Oh, Father, what’s going on? Okay…,

A: It is in moments like this that I hope you love me enough to remain open to me.

Q: There is this sense of, like, even satsang is a lie.

A: Yes, yes, that’s why I’m saying that it is now that, even when we come to this point where even my words start to seem like some sort of an attack, then…, and very quickly this will translate into (if it is allowed to go like this), it will translate into ‘But I don’t want to inquire anymore. I don’t want to look with you because it is attacking me’. But what I’m trying to tell you is that if there’s a sense that ‘I’m being attacked’ then are we open to inquiring into the question: ‘What is it that I’m holding onto, which even now feels like it’s being attacked, even in satsang?’

Q: Yes, I’m really open, I’m really open to that.

A: Very good, very good. So otherwise, what can happen is that around an Advaita concept our mind will make some defenses very strongly.

Q: Yes.

A: And then even satsang will not resonate for some time, and it will seem like you want a break or you want some space because the insights that you’re coming to, they’re giving you some sense of peace from the suffering or something like that, you see? So throw out concepts. Is that a fair deal?

Q: Say again for me? Because you cut out.

A: Yes, if both of us drop all our concepts, is that a fair deal?

Q: Yeah. I’m sorry Father. I don’t know what just happened. [Laughs] I’m so sorry. [Laughs]

A: No, it’s okay,

Q: I’m so sorry. I don’t know.

A: It’s very good, I’m very happy you’re in satsang.

Q: Yeah, me too.

A: I’m very happy you’re in satsang, [Laughs]

Q: There’s just so much suffering these past two days, sorry.

A: Yes, you remember when we spoke about this? Okay we can talk about this for a minute and then go back to what I was saying earlier. Remember I was saying while you were here that sometimes there can be so much suffering and we don’t want to go back into that state of suffering; and sometimes it feels like ‘I’ve found a lifeline in a concept’. You see? And if anyone comes to you and says ‘Let’s inquire into this concept together’ it will seem like an attack? We had this conversation while you were here, isn’t it?

Because the state of suffering is too much, we want to hang onto something. And I’m not saying leave anything actually; I’m just saying can we look together. [Chuckles] But even the invitation to look together starts seeming like an attack. You see? Because the state of suffering is scary. But no concept is the Truth. All concepts must be used to bring us to this openness, this neutrality, this nakedness.

So if we find ourself defending something, if we find ourself feeling attacked, then we must be open to inquiring ‘What is it that I’m holding onto?’ Without that, how can you be attacked? What part of you can be attacked?

Q: Oh, God. [Silence] Nothing can be attacked unless I’m holding onto some sort of sense that ‘I am this person’.

A: Yes, or even the idea that ‘I Am nothing’…, if it is being held onto then it will seem like it is being attacked.

Q: Yeah.

A: Like you were saying ‘You’re trying to make something out of me again’. [Laughs] You really feel I would do something like that? [Smiles]

Q: It’s the mind, I’m sorry. But then the thought comes that…,

A: Then we see that the ‘something’ which is trying to be made is only when we are holding onto any concept, including the concept that ‘I am nothing’. So, what is fighting back is saying ‘You’re trying to make something out of me actually’. The one that is pretending to be this nothing/something is the one that we’re inquiring into.

Q: [Sighs] But it’s still, it will still drop when it drops. There’s all of this drama that has just gone on between this conversation, that ‘All had to happen’…, that all just had to happen like that. There’s no other way for it to play out.

A: Yes, yes, yes, this is true; that all of this in the play has to happen as the way it is meant to happen.

Q: And there’s huge relief in that. But also the thought that’s there’s nothing that I can do and if it drops it’s going to drop, and if it doesn’t…,

A: Yes but this is very good, this is very good. So this ‘I’ that sneaked into this? This is which one?

Q: It’s a thought that’s believed, because of the seeing that happened.

A: Yes. So the inquiry is an invitation to check on ‘Who is this ‘I?’ You see?

The difference between traditional Advaita and Neo-Advaita is that this sense of ‘I’ that says ‘There is nothing I can do about it’. This, in traditional Advaita, is constantly inquired into: ‘Who is this I?’

There is openness to this inquiry, to see that there is nobody here who is suffering, nobody here who is the doer. We say ‘Who is this?’ or we would not hear the belief say ‘There is nothing I can do’ because this one doesn’t exist. ‘There’s nothing I can do’ would mean that I am powerless against this, isn’t it?

Q: Yeah, I feel completely powerless, like completely out of control. And not in a bad way but just completely out of control, like I cannot control what is coming out of my mouth, I can’t control the way I just reacted to you (which I’m really sorry about).

A: It’s completely fine, my dear. I’m so happy that you come and do it; it’s very important. Like I’ve been saying this; it’s very important when you’re feeling like this to keep coming. That’s why I say that in these moments I just hope there’s enough love and devotion here so we can be open to continue to communicate. Because in this moment it will seem like everything I’m saying is an attack, without the openness to check ‘Well, what is it that can be attacked?’

‘How is it that the one who is pointing me to this no-thing-ness would now be trying to make something out of me?’ This is what the mind will tell you.

Q: Because maybe God wants to carry on playing.

A: Yes, but who are you in this picture?

Q: The one pretending to be Ziya.

A: ‘I’m nothing, I don’t exist, there is nobody here’. But there was a sense which was saying that ‘I’m just a powerless. I’m nobody in this picture, so I’ll just leave it for God to do what he wants with this life’.

It’s not like that; the discovery must be that ‘I am this nothingness and my dynamic aspect which is called God is playing this life’. But it’s not this powerlessness, this [can be the] starting point of satsang but cannot be the discovery in satsang. [Silence]

Q: I can just feel like huge suffering in the body now.

A: Yes, so don’t run from that.

Q: Yes, but I’ve done all this, Father. I’ve sat through hours of like…,

A: Don’t refer to the past, don’t refer to the past.

Q: It’s just seen that all of this transcendence doesn’t actually lead to do anything, because you can transcend and transcend and transcend but then have a moment of clear seeing and realize that all of the transcending is all part of the play and it has all been written like that.

A: Yes, but if we are having to refer to the past moment of seeing that ‘I saw it was all part of the play and I’m just going rely on that and use that as a band aid for every time suffering is coming’, it is only going to cause more and more trouble. It will not be the freedom from suffering which it is promising to be Right Now.

If it is true, why isn’t it here Now?

Why do you have to refer to the past transcendence or that from this moment of insight?

How does that moment of insight differ from this moment of insight?

Q: I don’t know. Because it’s been written like this. I’m meant to be feeling this now, I’m meant to be identified now, I’m meant to be that way, that’s the way. If God didn’t want to suffer, it wouldn’t! It’s so clear, it would just wake up, it would just wake up. It’s God, it doesn’t need to be reminded. I’m sorry, Father, but I just…, How can I see so clearly and then be so deluded? It must be only because God wants to be deluded.

A: Yes, everything is only because God wants it to be that way.

Q: But then I think ‘Why on earth would I want…?’

A: [Chuckles]

Q: Sorry, there’s a time lag and it sounds like I keep cutting you off, but there’s a time lag on the…,

A: So, is God open to looking at who ‘I’ is right now? Or no?

Q: There can be no one found when it’s looked for.

A: And who makes that discovery?

Q: I can’t say.

A: So this; that there is nobody found, is it your finding? Or no?

Q: I don’t know whose finding it is, Father.

A: Yes, but there is something that is finding this, isn’t it? You’re not just making a statement that there is nobody here.

Q: No.

A: There is a discovery of this, isn’t it?

Q: There’s just, like, an Awareness of the Presence inside this body.

A: Yes there’s an Awareness of this Presence. And the one that’s aware of this Awareness of Presence, is it different from the Awareness itself?

Q: No.

A: No. So, there’s Awareness and there’s Presence. Is there any other entity here?

Q: Is there any other what?

A: Huh?

Q: I didn’t hear you, is there any other?

A: Is there any entity or some object here which you can call ‘you’?

Q: Just sensations.

A: Yes, sensations are also part of your Presence, isn’t it? What do you see? Is there somebody here who can suffer?

Q: No, one here that can suffer. But the feelings that are associated with suffering are. But no one suffering them; there’s someone experiencing them, there’s something…, they’re being experienced.

A: Is there somebody here that can be attacked?

Q: No, but the reactions in the body…, no that’s just a memory, that’s just a memory. No.

[Silence]

A: Is there a sense that…, some sense of this Presence, like too much suffering or something like that?

Q: No.

A: You’re aware of this? Or no?

Q: I just…, I don’t even know.

A: This is your direct living experience, isn’t it? It is not just some conceptual words you’re speaking then?

Q: Even then there was this Awareness of this contraction of energy which moved in the shape of the body, and had the sensation of suffering, but even that was Witnessed; that was seen to be coming back into this kind of pretend personal shape. And there was an urge to go and identify with that energy, and to be the one that’s suffering, the one that’s looking like an idiot, but that, even that’s being…, all of that was being watched.

A: Yes, all of this is being watched. Now if the sensation is coming, even if attention goes to it, could you say that you can identify with it just with your attention?

Q: No.

A: You see? So identification cannot be cause just with our attention.

Now the mind will come and say ‘Yes, all of this is actually happening to you’. Now, what is God deciding to do now? Because God knows that it is not happening. It is Seen; that some sensations are happening but nothing is happening to the Awareness, and nothing is happening even to the Presence. And in that way, these thoughts are just allowed to come and go. [Silence] Now if I was to say there is no Awareness, what would you say?

Q: I would say there has to be some other word for this.

A: Yes, [Laughs] exactly. If I was to really say ‘There is no such thing as Awareness’ then? If I said that ‘There is no Awareness, it is just a functioning of your body/mind’ what would you say?

Q: I would say ‘Well, what is aware of the body/mind?’

A: Yes, [Laughs] yes, very good. And if I was to say ‘If Awareness itself does not exist?

Q: Then what would know it doesn’t exist? [Laughs]

A: Very good. And if I was to say ‘But you are not this Awareness’?

Q: What knows that it’s not the Awareness? Because you have to be aware that something is other, or seemingly-other.

A: And if I was to say ‘But you can actually separate yourself out from this Awareness’?

Q: No, everything arises in it.

A: And if I was to say that ‘This Awareness that you are can suffer’?

Q: It cannot suffer.

A: And if I was to say that ‘This Awareness has a past and a future’?

Q: It’s always Now.

A: Now if I was to say that ‘This Awareness has something to transcend’?

Q: It never had anything to transcend. It’s complete, it’s complete, it’s beyond complete, it doesn’t even know the meaning of complete. [Laughs]

A: [Smiles] Very good, very good.

A: And if I was to say ‘You’d better find your way back to Bangalore soon’. [Laughs] Don’t go Advaita on me now.

Q: [Exhales. Smiles]

A: I’m so happy you came to satsang today. Very, very happy with this. Very, very happy about it. Very good, very good.

A: Before you came, you felt you had a question?

Q: A few questions.

A: Tough to get them back? They don’t seem so relevant now? [Chuckles]

Q: I’ll still go ahead and ask.

A: Yes, yes.

Q: I think the question, the question that keeps coming up again and again is about Awakening; your True Self and all the stories we’ve read of different Masters who’ve woken up; like the stories we read about. I remember reading about Chadwick. [A.W. Chadwick who was with Ramana Maharshi]

A: Yes.

Q: You know? And then different people like Byron Katie.

A: What happened? What happened to Chadwick? He went to Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] and then?

Q: Yes. And then I think he’d asked something and then Bhagavan had told him ‘Who is the one who is asking this question?’

A: Yes.

Q: Then he was spellbound and I think he went back to his room for a few days.

A: Yes.

Q: And then he was not thinking of anything at all and then suddenly he says that while he was having a bath in the bathtub, it struck him what Bhagavan had said and he awakened to his True Self.

A: Did he run around Arunachala shouting ‘Eureka, eureka?’ No. [Laughter]

Q: It seems that all these Masters and people who’ve woken up, like even Byron Katie or Eckhart, it seems that…

A: They were pretty sober no? Relatively, these two were. [Chuckles]

Q: So like, Mooji Baba and yourself and everybody else, they say ‘You’re already That’. Right?

A: Yes.

Q: It still seems like there is something that has to unfold for you to be established in That. And then we see everything in you, everything from a fresh pair of eyes.

A: Yes.

Q: So what is it that has to…? What is it that…? Because if you’re already in That, established in That so beautifully, is it just a shift of form? Is it something that has to happen? And you say ‘It’s not happening’. Right? But then you’re looking at it from a different pair of eyes all together; the world is beautiful and it’s happy. So is it the shift, like you say, from the mind to the heart, the journey? Those words from Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] or yourself have to land in the heart and then it just happens? [Laughs] I guess that was what I was thinking.

A: Okay. Okay. This is good. So what we can do is…, this is good. There are a few aspects to the question, isn’t it? One is that, we started with experiences and why different so-called Beings, seem to have different experiences of Awakening. So, let’s keep that question for the end; about the experiences. If you can forget about it, then forget about it. [Chuckles] The other question is more relevant.

What is it that needs to happen and what are we doing here, isn’t it?

That’s more relevant. Between the Sage, (so to speak), and myself, how do I fill the gap, if there is any?

Okay, so let’s de-construct it. Actually it’s not easy to de-construct but let’s see if we can. So the first aspect is that the recognition of who you are should happen. You see? So this recognition of ‘Who am I in reality?’ needs to happen. So, when you check on this question ‘Who am I?’ to get to this recognition, then what is your discovery? What’s your discovery? It doesn’t have to be articulate, just whatever is coming up.

Q: Definitely it’s not to do with me at all as a person, okay? Not at all to do with…

A: So you see that ‘I cannot be a person’? Okay, then what else could you be? What else is here? We can name anything you want. So, it cannot be this world. It cannot be this body. It’s okay, tell me when it gets stuck in some way.

Q:  Okay, sure.

A: It cannot be this body. Can you be your thoughts, coming and going? Can you be your emotions? Can you be some sensation in the body, some physical pain? No? Can you be the sense that ‘I Am, I exist?’ Can you be that? Is it clear what this means, the sense ‘I Am’?

Q: Yes, it’s the same.

A: That ‘I exist.’ So can you be that?

Q: Perhaps, yes. Seems like that.

A: Yes. And, the one that is aware of even this sense, who is that one?

So, we walked together this way. Now we saw: not world, not body, not thoughts, not emotion. I’m aware of even this sense that ‘I Am’. So this one that is aware, what can we say about that one?

Q: That’s the Awareness that you talk about. [Giggles]

A: So, better to forget what you’ve heard before.

Q: Yes.

A: Now, just stay here, and see. So there is an awareness even of the sense that ‘I exist’. If this is not clear, we can look at it again.

Q: Yes. Absolutely, that’s clear, yes.

A: That’s clear? So this awareness…, what does this awareness look like?

Q: It’s just there.

A: And where are you in relation to this?

Q: Sometimes I’m looking from there…

A: Okay, where else? Possible?

Q: I suppose it’s possible to look…

A: Hmm? Can you step out of that, Awareness?

Q: No.

A: So, if you can’t step out of it, do you need to be in it, effort-fully?

Q: No.

A: Effort-lessly, where are you?

Q: From that watching itself, yes.

A: Can you ever move away from this? Can you ever become something else?

Q: Actually not.

A: Actually not.

Q: Yeah. No, no.

A: You’re not visualizing anything, no?

Q: No.

A: Even if the mind is offering some visuals to you, See who is the witness of even that visual.

Q: Uh huh.

A: So, when we say ‘Are you aware now?’ what is your answer?

Q: Yes, absolutely.

A: Yes. [Chuckles]  What does this Awareness look like?

Q: It’s just That.

A: It’s just here. Any attribute you can see?

Q: It’s just looking. Right?… That’s all I can say.

A: So this is the only confirmation that you can make, without the phenomenal experience of it, isn’t it? Everything else that you’re confirming, you’re referring to the phenomenal experience of it.

Q: Yes.

A: When you say ‘I’m aware now’ you’re not finding the phenomenal attribute of it and yet, you know it is true. Not mentally, but it is so clear prior to mind.

Q: Yes.

A: Yes? And you see that this cannot be changed. It’s un-moving, un-concerned, un-label-able.

So, like this when you come to Satsang, the first aspect is this recognition of what is True. And I feel using the pointers of the Masters has become very simple now. You see? [Chuckles] So this is the first aspect, when you say ‘What is the difference between myself and a Sage like Guruji?’ then first is that this recognition is very clear.

So, it’s very good that we are able to inquire together and look at this. It seems like ‘When I’m not in Satsang, it seems like a lot more distractions come; it doesn’t seem as clear as it is now’. That’s why it’s good to be in the energetic presence of satsang, to be able to check: ‘Yes, it is so clear’.  So this is the recognition.

So, does the recognition itself mean liberation? Not necessarily. Because what happens is, although it is a very helpful aspect of liberation, it is not necessarily that which we call the completion of the liberation because we might still go back into belief.

Q: Absolutely.

A: …and believing that which I am not. You see? Because the recognition was what? I am this Awareness. It’s not changing, nothing is happening to it: it’s just here. But our mind is not reporting like this. Our mind is still trying to convince us that we are a person in some way; including trying to convince us that ‘I got it now’ or something like this. You see?

So, this mind has been given a lot of belief in the past. So, the difference between the Sages and the rest of humanity, is that 1. They have had a clear recognition of who they are and 2. They are not believing what the mind is saying about them.

Q: How to be established in that, always?

A: Actually, ‘established’ is how you start the moment.

Q: Oh, I see.

A: [Chuckles] This is a little contrary to our idea of ‘establishing’ or ‘abiding’. But I’m a bit radical in that way; and I’m happy to look at it together. You start NOW. Established, no? You’re abiding?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: So, the only seeming-choice now seems to be whether you pretend to be a person or not. And the only way to pretend to be a person is to believe your thought. Is there any other way?

Q: So easy. [Giggles]

A: So, every moment is your best friend. Now: You’re established. You’re abiding in the Self. In fact, you never leave this position. We only pretend, if we believe our thoughts. So, the power of belief is the power to pretend. God’s power to pretend. So, you want to see God pretending to be a person? Believe your next thought. [Chuckles]

You see? So, then what happens? As we stay like this, not believing our thoughts, not picking up from the conveyor belt of thought, then you find the magnetism of these thoughts reduces. As the magnetism of these thoughts reduces, then you find that they are not so much attractive, even to our attention.

So, instead of trying to control our attention too much, what we have done is we have divested our belief. And with the divestment of belief, you find that attention is also not so attracted to these thoughts.

So then you had a clear recognition of who you are, and also that all these thoughts are allowed to come and go. Then, even in your phenomenal expression, there is no difference between you and a Sage.

Fundamentally, there was never any difference anyway. Isn’t it? In reality, we are That. That is what all the Sages are saying. But even in the phenomenal expression, when we’re not attracted to the gravitational pull of these thoughts, to the magnetic pull of these thoughts, then your worldly expression also becomes that of a Sage.

That’s about it. [Chuckles]

[Silence]

A: I’m so happy you came.

Q: Very happy. I love Papaji also. I couldn’t believe it when I saw that you were in Bangalore. Right here! I had to come.  In all these books, they make it sound so esoteric.

A: Yes.

Q: Well, it’s actually quite clear. Nothing wrong with the books. It’s just I think at the time, when you’re reading the same words, they seem to have…

A: …have a different meaning, yeah.

Q: It seems like that but all the while, I was reading the same Rumi poem. And I…, the depth from, I think, Mooji Baba’s and your satsangs, they made it so clear. Otherwise it was all, you know, so many concepts and so many different…, uh, and then it makes it so clear and obvious. [Giggles]

A: So, what has happened is that you are moving from the realm of interpretations. So, we have been interpreting them differently, and now we come to the realm of just the pure Seeing of it. So as you See that ‘Oh yes, of course. He’s just saying what is being Seen here’.

So, the words of the expression are very beautiful, but that which is experienced directly is just the same. So now in the same way, when you read Ashtavakra Gita or the Ribhu Gita, you can say that ‘This is just so fundamental’.

Q: Yeah.

A: [Chuckles] That which seemed so esoteric and maybe even mystical earlier, now seems just like kindergarten.

Q: I’ll just do away with it now.

A: Yes. Don’t come to any conclusion.

Q: Yes. That’s right, Father. [Giggles]

A: Because the mind offers up…, even now it will offer up strategies to say ‘Yes. You’re here now; now you can do….’

Q: Yes, so right, Father.

A: Just let it go. You don’t need to renounce anything, except the next thought.

Q: Bhagavan-Mooji told my wife that she is a pure spirit. Okay. And there is no doubt that in all aspects, she is my guru, my very first guru. Okay. And I have given her a lot of suffering because of my nature, you know, very aggressive and all that stuff. And she has put up with me for many, many years like this.

Now, what she says is that, first of all, I have a habit of getting stuck in something or the other, and she says that I have found spirituality, basically. You know, the whole day I am just saying self, self; and it is a kind of the obsession for me. Now the obsession is kind of a mental disorder for me also, right since childhood. I get stuck. Like you know, what they say an OCD kind of a thing, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. She says that ‘You have caused me a lot of suffering’ and that is true also.

And now what is happening that there is no suffering for me, as such. I don’t suffer, I cause suffering to others. It’s a very practical aspect. So, I have always caused suffering; not because I intended any harm or hurt to anybody. And I always told her that there is no intention here, it just happens. She says that it is a very convenient excuse.

And now what is happening, for 20 days, I have not gone outside my apartment. I am just sitting on the couch and the anxiety is still less. But still, even like if it is all God’s play, (and myself and my wife, we both understand it and we sense it), still in the role of the person, how do I know if I am playing it well or not? How do I know if it is my excuse as a person to flee from my role?

I can’t just escape saying that, ‘No, no, no’. It is very easy for me to disregard ‘I Am’…, and I know it is coming from the personality itself. I can’t negate my existence, because this I Am-ness and this real. But it is too turbulent, and the personality doesn’t want to get into this.

Then there is another fear that I have to face it and transcend it. So, the best thing is that you discard the ‘I Am’…, remain ‘I Am’ as the witness. If I remain I as a witness, then I can’t engross in the’ I Am-ness’ activity. Either I can be a witness or I can be there in the activity. I can’t be both at the same time; because I can either have the attention on the ‘I’ or in the activities of the ‘I Am-ness’. Why this is happening is because my personality is still there, otherwise I don’t have to make any efforts. It will be a simple unfolding of the life in the ‘I Am-ness’ and then simply watching. But I’m still there as the personality.

A: Very good. Two parts to this question. So let’s look at the second part first. See, because there is an understanding here that the way that the personality plays out, (which is manifesting as Anil), adding any sort of fodder to this personality, it will try to make a jumbled up, anxious mess out of it. That is why I have been consistent in my advice to you, which is that this ‘I’ which is trying to figure out what to do or not to do, you surrender at the feet of my Master, at the feet of Guruji. You see?

Because I know that there, with this, it can’t fool around; with this instruction it can’t really fool around. There is too much reverence for Guruji here for this personality also to try to mess that up, mix it up in various things, try to put some other concepts to it or anything. You see? So there is nothing missing in this instruction; there is nothing lacking in this instruction. All that you have to do is to surrender yourself at the feet of my Master. It is completely clear and completely enough to do.

This one is for as the second one: So, if I tell you who is the witness and who is aware of ‘I Am’ and what is ‘I Am’ again, it will mix up something. It will bring itself back into the fore somehow, you see. So we don’t want to do that. And there might be an impulse that ‘Oh, I want to do that’…, but keep that aside. I know that the best pointing for you is this simple surrender; which your mind will hate actually ultimately but your heart recognizes that it is the best. So, this is as far as the second part of the question was concerned.

The first part, actually when you were speaking, was reminding me of my own married life. [Laughs] This is very good. And I remember that before I met Guruji, (and maybe even for some time after I met Guruji), it was like this. She would come to me with some work-related problem or family-related problem and I would start telling her ‘But who is the one facing a problem?’ [Laughs] And she would want to throw the plate at me. ‘I am talking to you about something else, and you are talking about something else’. You will feel like that. And the fact is that ‘Who is being the jerk here?’ I was. Who is being the spiritual jerk? Me. Because it was not coming from a place of wanting to be helpful…, (maybe there was some of that mixed in but), actually it was trying to show her that what she is doing is wrong, what she is thinking is wrong. You see? So, it was coming from the specialness. It was coming from a space of carrying a sword to cut her head off. Instead of this knowledge being an umbrella to shelter us from the rain.

So, this knowledge for our close ones, our loved ones, actually should serve as an umbrella, not as a sword. It should help them, it should bring more love and light into our lives. So, this understanding I didn’t have [Laughs] ‘til two things happened. One is that Adyashanti, talking about this said that ‘You could be saying the truth, every word coming out of your mouth could be true, but you could still be a jerk’. And Ziya was saying earlier about Advaita jerk, same. You could be speaking the truth, but if the words don’t carry the fragrance of love, if they don’t carry the fragrance of kindness, then we are still being jerks. The spiritual jerk is the worst form of jerk, I feel. And I have been there for many years, so I can recognize it.

So, first was when Adya, (I don’t know what came first, but I remember reading this from Adyashanti), and second was when I went to Ramesh and I said ‘This is so nice, I come here to you and this is so good. But what about my wife, my family? She is just not interested in the question ‘Who am I?’

He said something that I really imbibe; I just took on my heart. He said ‘You wait for her to come to you. Because the more you push her into it, the more she will want to push it away’. So from that day I don’t feel I really asked her this question ‘Who am I?’[Laughs] Except when she is here in satsang, which itself is rare, [Laughs] I don’t feel I really ask her ‘Who are you?’

So, I know that grace is taking care of it. And when she is done with the play, when she is open to this urge of self-recognition, she will ask. And anyway, what I have seen is that the way her expression is playing is much more devotional. Her love for Guruji [Mooji] is unmatched. That is enough. Why do I need to force my ways on her?

Also something happened just a year ago actually which was also an eye opener for me, where she said that, (we started talking and as most married couples do very quickly we got into a squabble about something), [she said] ‘If I was someone who had come to your satsang, you would not be reacting like this’. And I looked at that. She said this before and for the first time that actually it took home. Because we have known each other twenty-two years; we’ve had more time together than not with each other in our lives. So it has become our habit to relate to each other as partners. So I saw, even now, (only about a year ago I saw), that what she is saying is absolutely true. Why am I not able to look at her fresh? Why is it that I carry conditioning about this relationship? So this was very eye-opening here.

And I feel and maybe we should check with her rather than taking my testimony. But ever since this recognition came, the feeling here is to see her in that moment as if it is fresh. You see? And I feel that greatly in our phenomenal play of the relationship also you find much more space; much more love is here. You see, so little bit of course there is always something or the other going on. That is the masala of a marriage, but there is a lot more space, a lot more love and peace in our marriage now…, when we come to this recognition.

So, there are two, three things have helped in terms of the marriage. The good advice is not to try and ‘Advaita it’ too much. You will find it funny coming from me. [Smiles]

Q: It is fine, Father. The only thing is the topic about spirituality and finding the true nature is one thing. But actually, before that even, if the person doesn’t exist, it has to be a ‘good responsible person’. If I am here in the world, I am supposed to be a good, responsible person; undertaking all my responsibilities, even if I have this false belief. And then the transcendence comes. I am not even a good person. And then to say that ‘No, no, no, as a person I don’t exist, I don’t care about it’…, look, that is all in the realm of the maya or leela’. I can’t say I have any kind of belief in this; but the thing is, all is one and that is experienced also. It is not that it is a concept for me. It is seen that ‘If I am not a person then nobody is a person’. It is all one energy, one grace which is speaking actually. It is just a thought you know that ‘I am a person’ otherwise it is the same power.

So, when it is realized also, whatever role I am playing, I should be playing well! Now, the thing is that another thought comes, which is ‘Look, you have to ignore this thought that you should be playing the right kind of a role’. Which one to believe? Which one to believe?

In my path, in my transcendence path, this will always come. ‘No, no, no, you see, you should be a good person, you should be responsible, you should be this, this, this’. Wife is saying, you know, it is so convenient not to get trapped into this; if at all, it is a trap in the play. I have to transcend the play. I have to actually. It is very painful that others get hurt and they suffer. But I have to transcend this because this is a simple concept. This is a simple concept.

But then another thought comes that ‘If you are, and others are same, then you cannot make them suffer’. No? Either they realize that they are also God and they are playing out…, but if they don’t realize that they are God and they are playing out, then it doesn’t make any sense.

A: Okay, so, this is what I am saying, that this one…, you know, even our wives will agree that:

The best husband to have is a surrendered husband.

[Laughs]. So, I will give you a guarantee that as you are surrendered at the feet of Guruji, you will also transform into a very loving husband, a very spacious husband to have. You don’t take on the project yourself, that’s all I am saying.

Q: Right, Father. Thank you so much.

Q:  Ever since I saw you in Rishikesh, I knew I’ll be here. [In Bangalore, in satsang] I keep shifting between the convenient reality. [Laughter] There is something which puts me at ease when I want to be in that state but I somehow go back to that pretentious state and later on it becomes too far to even realize that I am there. I get confused between going by techniques or going by the inquiry of ‘Who am I?’ One thing that I know, that this is the truth, because whenever I ask ‘Who am I?’ I am at peace. After that, again the play begins. [Laughter]

A: But when you do ask ‘Who am I?’ the by product is that peace comes. But what is that you discover about yourself?

Q: I experience nothing when I ask that question. There isn’t anything there. But in a minute, I begin again. [Laughter] I don’t know what to do.

A: This ‘don’t know’ is very auspicious! This ‘don’t know’ is very auspicious. So now what is happening is that you have been looking for various things and you felt that they will give you some peace. Now you’ve looked even at spirituality and even at the inquiry ‘Who am I?’ to get you to a place of peace, happiness, joy. But it doesn’t work like that and you might be surprised to hear this. It doesn’t work like that because the point of the inquiry it to actually demolish all ideas about this one which itself is presuming to look for peace.

So as long as there allegiance to this one who wants peace, who wants happiness, then it continues to be the delusion of the non-existent one. Because this one we cannot find. The body doesn’t want freedom, the body doesn’t want to inquire. Who is the one that wants peace? That is really the inquiry, isn’t it? The inquiry is not to give peace to this non-existent one but to show you that this one doesn’t exist in the first place.

So you say that ‘There is nothing when I inquire’. And who is the witness of that nothing? The imagined one, the person cannot participate here because the person was just trying to figure out a way to be relevant in this discussion, isn’t it? [Laughter] It’s completely left behind.

We’re at realms which are prior to the birth of the universe and here this idea about ourselves tries to be a participant; but it cannot be because it cannot fathom this.

Q: Sometimes it’s too difficult to differentiate. It just gets caught. Sometimes we just get carried away thinking that you’re doing the right thing.

A: Okay, so don’t think about it and get carried away and show me. Don’t go there, just get carried away; without going to the mind. [Silence]

Q: [Laughter] Getting stuck…

A: Getting stuck? With what? [Laughter]

Q: The feeling of getting stuck, I guess.

A: There is a sense of stuck-ness or an idea of stuck-ness? You can differentiate between the two, isn’t it?

Q: I think it’s an idea.

A: Idea ‘You’re getting stuck’. But without that idea? And ‘without that idea’ doesn’t mean the idea shouldn’t appear. Only that the idea is allowed to come and go. That’s it. ‘You’re getting stuck, you’re getting stuck’. Let come and go. So what? No power can force your belief. It’s just a simple habit that we’ve picked up. The person-identity is just a belief, a collection of beliefs.

As you start playing with this, as you start seeing, one, that I don’t find this person. Then in that itself your belief will start to get dissolved. And then when you recognize what you really are, then all of this will start to lose its power where the game of pretending to be a person will dissolve more and more.

You can try, but you cannot really sit on two chairs the same time. You cannot say ‘I will keep my person for this, this and this, for my work, for this and that, but then in satsang I will get the truth, but I’ll try to juggle both of these’. It does not work and it just serves to prolong the journey. And it is based on the idea that ‘Outside of satsang I need the identity to function’ which is not true. Even work can happen without the identity of the worker.

Q: I’m really struggling with that. [Laughter] When I go back, I feel so shitty about it, plus I feel so helpless.

A: Where are you? Are you in Bangalore now?

Q: Yes, I moved to Bangalore.

A: Life has made the space to align with your inner most urge. So if your inner most urge now is the recognition of the truth and the letting go of that which is false, you will find that life makes the space. Don’t try to do something about it. This doership actually is one of the strongest pillars of the ego. If there is a desire in you to play with both ends of the spectrum, the leela and the truth, then that is how this manifestation will appear. And as that becomes clearer and clearer that ‘I just want the truth of who I am’ then you’ll find that trust and devotion and that which is running this life will take care of even this body, that will increase, and also you’ll find yourself more and more in the inquiry and in satsang. [Silence]

Q: I find it so difficult to trust. [Laughter]

A: You don’t have to even do that; even that is being done on its own. The development of trust can be very simple. All you have to do is see how what is being shared in satsang, how as you play with that, experiment with that and you’ll see that it helps. And as you see some things really work then more trust gets developed. So as trust gets developed more and more, as you hear the words of satsang and imbibe them, then you find that one day, without even making a switch like that, you find that not just trust but devotion is here, on its own. Because the love is already here, so love mixed with faith, mixed with trust, is devotion.

[Silence] [Laughter]

Yeah, this is actually a very good space to be in. This ‘I don’t know’-ness can seem a bit uncomfortable but it’s actually very auspicious. And as you get used to this greyness of ‘I don’t know’, this openness of ‘I don’t know’ then you’ll find that you don’t need to rest on conclusions all the time. The mind is saying make a conclusion, get to some conclusion that ‘What do I do now? What am I supposed to do?’ All of this. As we get used to not having any of this conclusion then we get used to our truth, which is not based on these mental conclusions. The mind is pushing some conclusion, pushing some interpretation. If you allow them to come and go, you find that this is so simple what we speak about here. Because we’re used to buying the ideas like ‘I don’t trust enough, you should do better at this, you should manage your things better, you should only be at satsang, and you should only be at work’. It will keep switching all these ideas on you. Don’t worry about them. Let them come and go.

Q: So, you’re the observer of the ideas.

A: Yes, yes. If it is possible just to simply keep your attention in that way, where you’re just observing, it is very good.

Q: Sometimes when I reach that space of not knowing anything, suddenly fear kicks in; like feels very suffocating.

A: Yes, yes, yes. Actually the last couple of weeks I’ve been speaking about this a lot. This primal fear, this dropping of the identity, to the mind is death. You see? So when Bhagavan [Nisargadatta] Maharaj said that ‘You have to go through your death to find your freedom’ this is what he meant. Because this not knowing, this neutrality, feels wobbly, suffocating, shaky; fear comes. And we want to do what? We want to run and hide behind a concept. The mind will offer up something like ‘But he gave you the answer, this was it’. And you buy that, just to get away from this. But if you can take the wobbliness for sometime, if you can take the fear, let it pass, then you’ll see you’ll get comfortable with that not-knowing, this neutrality. And as you get more and more comfortable with the not-knowing, in fact you will start enjoying this. Then you go through the movie, not knowing what the next scene is like. You want to make interpretation and judgement which takes away from the joy of the present moment. This not-knowing; you don’t know what the next moment is going to be, you don’t know what I’m going to say in the next five seconds. Enjoy this movie. That is when we are truly meeting life. Otherwise we’re meeting our ideas of life. So let it shake, let it fear come, let it happen whatever will happen. All these energetic movements will become like popcorn for you. It’s not such a big deal for you. ‘Okay, it is coming. Okay’. [Laughter] Feels a bit shaky in this not-knowingness, and it’s ok. Let it shake about.

What’s your favorite food? [Laughter]

Q: [Laughter] Biryani.

A: Okay, biryani. Have you heard me talk about this conveyer belt? No, you haven’t. This example comes from actual restaurant in London which is called Yo Sushi. So what happened in this restaurant is that you’re sitting at your tables and there is an actual conveyer belt which comes across all the tables with all the dishes over there. So, whatever you like in the conveyer belt, you just pick up. You don’t have to order, you don’t have to do anything.

So the mind is like this conveyer belt. It will bring various ideas to you; you can just allow them to come and go.

Now suppose that you love biryani so much that you can’t resist when it comes on the conveyer belt. Then you’ll find that initially this impulse will be there when the biryani is crossing, you know? You can smell it coming, with all the saffron and everything, you can smell it; and then you think ‘Maybe just one last one’. You pick it up [Laughter].

Just like this, the mind will offer you concepts. ‘Oh, but this not-knowing is too scary, it’s too crazy’. So all these concepts will come. All your concepts of unworthiness, not doing it right; all these will come. Because these are your favorite concepts, you indulge in them, and now there is a habit to pick them up. So the mind uses these opportunities to offer these up on the conveyer belt.

So all we have to do is not to pick up. Initially it can seem like effort, you see? Initially it can seem like effort. So when I say that there is no practice or effort here, actually it is true because actually it is in the picking up that there is effort. But because our habit has been to pick it up, it seems like there is effort in not to pick it up. So as long as that feels like effort, my suggestion has been that go ahead and make that effort. And ‘not pick it up’ means nothing; it only means allow it to come and go. Let the conveyer belt keep moving; you don’t buy anything from that.

You will buy; everyone buys something or the other. So when you do buy, don’t buy the next one, which will be the guilt one. The mind will come and say ‘See, now you’re such a bad boy. You picked up the biryani and he told you not to’. Then you pick up that one [thought]. And then it will come, saying ‘Oh, you’re such an unworthy seeker, you’ll never make it’. And you pick up that one. Not to do that! If you picked up one, it’s fine. Don’t pick up the next. That’s it.

We start with the salad actually. [Laughter] ‘Okay, now that I started, I might as well have the main course and might as well have dessert’. You see? This is how conditioning keeps increasing. So if you picked up the salad, then you don’t pick up the dessert. If you picked up everything, then don’t pick up the next meal. There is nothing to feel guilty here. There is no perfection to be attained.

As you allow your thoughts to come and go, then what happens? You’ll notice a shift in the quality of your attention. So, if your attention is like a fist which is holding on to things and you let it go, then it just opens up. All of us can play with this, if you like. Attention is concentrated, either without thoughts or some content in the phenomenal realm but as we open the fist of our attention, you’ll find that our perspective becomes more global. This is the letting go, this is the openness.

So allow your attention free. This is how to be tension free; if you allow your attention free.

You’ll see that if you find yourself stressed or tense about something, your attention will be closed up in a fist like this. [Makes a fist gesture]. Allow it to let it go then ease will come with it. We’re used to doing, doing; trying to get it right, trying to make it. And even in this spirituality, in the self-discovery, we try to use the same rules but they don’t apply; which is why it is so frustrating. ‘I try and I try’. Let go into this and your natural rest into who we are. This is simple recognition.

So let your attention free, allow your thoughts also to come and go just don’t give your belief to anything at all. Keep your belief in your pocket and set the world free; including your own body. You have maybe some concepts about the body; leave them also.

One word which is really helpful is the word ‘Open’. And even to this day, I’m discovering the beauty of this openness. This openness means not the openness of the sheep nor the courage of a lion; neither of those. Openness to everything which is coming and going, including the words and reactions which are coming from this body; which is all part of the same coming and going.

There is actually no difference, (and we will see this), between that which is coming from there and that which is coming from here. It is part of the one play of Consciousness. And we will start to see these things. Because there is still the sense that what is coming from there is now the one play of the leela or maya; but here, what is coming from here, is still under some individual control. So, we become open to the world, which includes this body, and we become open to our thoughts, we become open to our emotions, we become open to our flow of attention.

Some of us are struggling to hold our attention in this flow. That is not freedom. That is a constricted state. A sage is not keeping his attention. [Inaudible] The other end of attention in any case is reporting here to Yourself. So, it doesn’t really matter so much.

Just as remain, open; the simple allowing of thoughts to come and go, (most importantly allowing of thoughts to come and go), then we see that all of this is just one play of Consciousness and there is no individual doer of anything at all. So, you cannot then feel guilt or pride. You cannot feel that ‘I am the victim’ or ‘I am something special’.

[After answering a short question]

The mind is scared of this openness. This openness feels like death to the mind because it is so empty; nothing to hold onto. And our habit, our addiction, has become to hold onto this mind as a defense against this emptiness, against this openness.

So, as we are recognizing who we are it is also important to let go of that which is false. The recognition itself is the biggest help in that, because we see that none of this applies to Awareness.

And yet there can be that the recognition is there, but also some ideas that can come about the one that is not here. So then we elongate the journey. We’re just recognizing for 20 minutes every day ‘Oh, I’m Awareness’ and  the rest of the day we are buying conditioning about that which is not here, the imagined or the presumed entity. Then it’s just the seeming-elongation of this non-existent journey. [Chuckles] That’s what we said; like that.

So, just to See that this Awareness is all there is. Even in it’s dynamic aspect playing, it is unchanging. And yet, the dynamic aspect of this Awareness has the power to pretend as if it is a person. And the more we pretend, the longer the journey will be.

If you drop…, NOW!

The ‘Now’ is the biggest help. The ‘Now’ is the biggest help because right now there is no conditioning.

How many of us see that nothing the mind is selling us is meaningful? Let’s see some hands. How many of you feel now that nothing the mind is selling us is relevant or meaningful or the truth?

And for any of you who don’t feel that this is true, you will find satsang very frustrating and irritating, because every day I am telling you this. And many times it can feel like, yes, yes, this is true. You recognize it intuitively. But somewhere subtly we are still holding some ideas. That’s why I feel that the exercise we did the other day…, where we looked at these aspects of our life to see what beliefs we could have. We said ‘Okay, what are the relationships you have? Do a quick audit of them in your head and see what beliefs you are still carrying about them’. Same way, we go for every aspect of life; about money, about health of the body and about being free.

You must not hide from this because one of the most revealing moments in life here was the moment when I realized…, before I met Guruji I used to read a Course of Miracles a little bit, and that has a statement saying ‘Love holds no grievances’. I had heard it even before but in that moment something felt to check. And one by one, I realized that everyone who was in my life, I have a grievance against them. [Laughs] You see, it can seem very…, ‘No I don’t’ but when you start checking; ‘I have this grievance, I have this grievance’.

And when I started checking I realized that all this talk of love really holds no water, because we are believing some ideas. As long as we are believing some ideas, this oneness, this sameness even, cannot be there. And as long as we have ideas, then our love is just another fancy word for expectation or need.

I can tell you that I don’t feel the ego can survive unless it has a grievance. There are few main pillars to this ego. One is this victim mindset, grievances. Second is this doership. But you take out one of these pillars and you see everything will collapse.

Allow the world to be free completely. Allow the movement of this body mind also to be completely free because that is also part of the world. It is not ‘I’ as the body mind which is forgiving the world. I-in-truth is forgiving the world which includes this body mind. You see? Then no guilt, no pride, no grievances.

Try it. Because I know the mind will come and say ‘But then I will become so irresponsible’ and ‘Then what about all those people that are causing so much harm to the world?’ and all of those things will come. The typical mind resistances will come.

How are we holding on to this false identity? Through the idea that ‘I am doing something’ or ‘Somebody is doing something’. Through the idea that ‘I can suffer something’ or ‘I can be the victim of something’ in my relationships, in my life, in the idea of this spiritual journey. ‘I am getting somewhere. I am making progress’.

Basically anything which the mind is saying is just to keep your sense of separation alive. It doesn’t exist NOW. NOW it doesn’t exist. NOW. You have to work to ‘become’. To pretend to be separate, you have to work.

This is exactly what I was talking about actually; our investment in the identity has been so strong that now, for most of you actually, your identity is just resting on your spirituality. I have to say this; you’re hanging onto dear life, the identity is hanging onto dear life using spirituality itself.

[Silence]

Just let it go.

[Silence]

What is True cannot be left. The Truth will not leave you.

[Silence]

You’re still presenting the ‘me’. I cannot give Freedom to any ‘me’. I can only show you what you are prior to all identity.

And what’s even uglier than the ‘me’ pretending to be the person, is the ‘me’ pretending to be Awareness. God-pretending-to-be-the-person-pretending-to-be-Awareness is a complete misunderstanding of satsang, a misuse of satsang by the mind itself. Pretending that I learned something or I understood something; satsang is not for this. It is to look, it is to check. And if there is a point to the sangha, the point to the sangha must be to be there to support each other in the dropping of concepts; to support each other when it seems like more and more concepts are being picked up, or when it feels like something is feeling hurt when the concepts are being dropped. It is for this that we have the sangha, not to spread some concepts. Whatever words are being used also are being used so that other concepts are being removed because of them.

So let’s all drop this stubborn insistence on being a person. Any personal attribute including ‘The seeker’ is not what You are. All the tools of what you have to do, what you have to check, what you have to drop; everything has been provided to you. Guruji’s [Mooji’s] grace has made all of this available to us, isn’t it?

Drop the idea that we have to get somewhere is personal, because both the recognition (Who am I?) and the recognition that ‘I am this Awareness’ is available Now.

And you cannot say that ‘I will drop the conditioning in the future’.

You can only say ‘Now, I am not buying what the mind is selling’.

Our stubborn insistence to continue to be the seeker, comes from this sense that it’s so difficult to admit that ‘I messed up’. What does it mean? This fear to admit that I was wrong makes us want to defend the in-defensible because we have invested so much in the idea that ‘I exist as a person’. Our whole life has been about this!

We have one who is new to the satsang, so let me take the cat example which I haven’t taken for quite some time. Suppose when you were born, you were born into a world which had no mirrors, so you couldn’t check what you look like but everyone said that you are a cat! Then you had your own thoughts which were also saying that ‘You are a cat!’ Everyone was also saying that ‘You can become a good cat by doing these things: by making money, getting good relationships, taking care of the body, doing some social service, etc.’ So all of these have been shown to you as bowls of milk. ‘Do this and then you’ll be happy, do this and then you’ll be happy!’ But have we found that happiness in anything which is material? Most of us haven’t. It gives us some temporary sense of happiness, which comes only from a sense of release from a desire. You say ‘I wish I had this money and then I will be really happy’. You get that money and instantly something feels good. What is happening is that knot of the desire is opening up, so you feel a sense of space. But the lasting happiness that you were promised is not found in anything which is material. So we keep going from one bowl of milk to another. We go from money, to relationship, to children, to family, to taking care of the body.

Then one day you meet someone who says ‘None of this will work, you must find the ultimate bowl of milk!’ Which is what? Freedom! Nirvana! Liberation! Enlightenment! (Whatever term you use). ‘You get that bowl of milk and then you’ll be just happy, in bliss, all the time’. This was the promise. Most people who come to satsang come with the promise that ‘I will get freedom, the final bowl of milk, the immortal nectar’. But instead of that, when you come to satsang, (especially to a satsang like this), you are shown a mirror or you are invited actually to see the mirror. You want this bowl of milk for the cat, but look at the mirror and show me whether you find the cat at all. So we have been told by everyone ‘I am a person, I am this type of person, that type of person’ and ‘Ultimately, the best way to live our life is to find liberation’.

When we come to satsang, we are invited to check ‘Am I a cat in the first place?’ There is no freedom for the ‘cat’ because the cat doesn’t exist! There is no freedom for the ‘person’ because the person doesn’t exist!

But what happens? If we had no investment in the person idea, if we didn’t care about it, then this will not cause so much resistance. Just say ‘I am willing to look. I look. Yes! I don’t find the person! I find the body, but the body is not interested in the money in the bank, the future of this life; it doesn’t care about any of this. I find that there is nobody here who is interested or concerned with any of that. I see this. Finished! Thoughts still come, which try to convince me that I am a person but I see there is no such thing, so I just laugh at them!’

It should just be like this. [Laughs] Isn’t it? That is the only difference, (if there is any), between a sage and anyone else, is that the sage is having so much comedy all the time because the thoughts are making him laugh. [Laughs] ‘You must do this in your life! You must plan like this for the future!’ [Laughs] Just laughing, laughing with everything!

So, why is not like this? It is because we have invested so much in the idea of being a cat. The sense that ‘One day, I will make it as a free cat. Maybe even he is deluded, because maybe he doesn’t know, but I can do it! I can make myself a free cat!’ The only freedom there is, is the freedom from the idea of being a cat!

[Asks the new visitor]: Any of this is resonating?

New visitor: [Inaudible]

So, what happens when I say that ‘You do not exist as a person’? Even you can have a thousand dollar award if you show me the person. I have been publicizing this award for almost 3 years now, and no one has really come and claimed it, yet everyone is playing the role of a person. So what is the evidence of this one [person]? The body is not it; that most of us have seen by now. The only evidence of this person is the thoughts in our head. The thoughts which are convincing us that ‘You are a person, and this is what you must do to grow, to survive, to live’.

What must be asked, and what is being asked here is: Who is witnessing these thoughts? These thoughts which are coming and going, the space of thoughts which is also coming and going, who is the witness of these? Is there anything personal about that? Does that one have any desires and aversions? Is it suffering in any way? Does it want something? Does it want to change what is? Now, we have always presumed ‘that’ to be ‘me’. The one that is watching the thoughts, we have always presumed that that must be ‘me, but we have never really looked at who that is.

[Looks at the visitor with a smile and talking eyes, and then looks slightly away]

And it is a rare one who doesn’t feel attacked, actually, when this question is asked.

[Looks at the visitor again with a smile]

We are just hearing this song: ‘As If’. Very interesting. It seems like, all our lives, (most of us), we live ‘As if’ there is somebody living inside this body. And we know it is not true; even scientifically. In this blob of atoms and molecules, flesh, blood and bones, there is nobody there. There is no room where you’re sitting inside the head, inside the heart. It cannot be found phenomenally in this way. And yet it seems like as if I am in this body, I am the body, or I am connected to this body in some way. This is one big ‘As if’. There is nobody like that. Only because the sensations are experienced, seemingly-intimately, it feels like ‘This is me’ and the rest of this appearance is not-me. But we share sounds, we experience other sensations. Where? Outside of you can something be experienced? Is there something you experience outside of ‘I’…, outside of ‘me’. Everything is here, you see; all that is manifest. And most of us who have been in satsang are seeing this now, that all that is manifesting, all that is manifest, is within this one space of Being: I Am.

We’re fighting what we’re seeing, what we’re experiencing by listening to our minds. Because this is too much for the mind; it’s too much! ‘All of this I my Being?’ So, if this is already too much for the mind, we expect the mind to understand ‘Who is aware even of this Being? And already the mind starts going ‘blah, blah, blah, blah’. [Chuckles]

This is the simplest thing! The simplest thing. You are aware that you are. What’s difficult in this sentence? ‘You are aware that you are’. The simplest thing. It’s just that: ‘As what?’ has become an ‘As if’. ‘I am what?’ has become a big ‘As if’. ‘As if I’m this body, as if I’m the mind’. And the first ‘As if’ is ‘As if I am the Being’. Even this we have to say ultimately. Because actually even the sense of Being is Seen: I am aware that I Am.

This Awareness is untouched by the Presence of Being, in that which we call the waking or dream state; or the absence of it in that which we call the sleep state. Something remains. We know this. Yet the mind fights it. The mind says ‘I am only aware of my sleep and my waking’. So then you say ‘So, you have never gone to sleep?’ Then just say ‘I’m going to dream. Good night’. [Chuckles] Nobody says ‘I’m going to dream. Good night’. ‘I’m going to sleep. Good night’. What is that sleep? How are we aware that there is something called sleep? And very quickly, we’re quick to jump and say ‘But I can’t report on sleep unless I am there’. Yes, we’re not talking about the reporting. The experience of sleep is not in the reporting of it. It is in the experiencing of the no-thing-ness. But when there is no-thing, not even Being…, everyone has had this experience. Otherwise, the entire world would just say ‘I’m going to dream. Good night’. But we say ‘I’m going to sleep’. What is this sleep? And then you say ‘I woke up at this time’. So what wakes up? You say ‘I woke up’. What wakes up? It is this Being itself. And in the waking of the Being comes all of this phenomenal manifestation. This phenomenal manifestation comes, within this Being, within the experience of this Being. And yet this body seems so intimate. Why?  Because our sensory center seems to be located here; we seem to sense the world through this [points to top of head] and this. [Stretches hand forward, touches fingers] The sensations of the body seem so intimate. But all of this was not there some time ago; the sleep state. A different body, a different world, a different realm was there some time ago in the dream state.

Suppose we were going to satsang in all in your dream and your waking states. So, then you’d be fighting, saying ‘This is real; No, this is real! That was a dream’. Why? Because this seems so real, so tangible, so intimate. But it is one big ‘As if…’

‘As if I’m a person’ is the biggest resistance to what is. It’s just presumed. We haven’t found it; just one big presumption. ‘What Is’ is denied; but what is not, is constantly presumed. This is the leela. The appearance of the realm is maya. But the play ‘As if I am a person’ in this, is the leela. ‘The play is God’ is the last leela, or the divine leela. How are You playing? It’s easier to play as God, actually. Much more hard work, effort, to play as if you’re a person. How to play this game of ‘As if you’re a person’? Can we do it without thoughts; without attention and belief to thoughts? Impossible. How to play as God? We already are; before the thought…, and after the thought. Even the play of ‘the person’ is God pretending to be the person. Just ‘What Is’.

If you don’t think about it now, there is no trouble. If you give it to the mind and say ‘Hey, my friend, what do you think about what he’s saying?’ [Chuckles] ‘He’s obviously not going to give you the certification’. He’ll say ‘No, no. It’s okay in satsang, but what about my dream in real life?’ What’s so unreal about satsang, compared to the ‘real’ life? It’s as real here as the rest of the realm. But we say the ‘real world’ implies that which is outside satsang. That is more of the pretend world; that I’m pretending ‘As if’ I’m the person. Here at least the space is there where we can drop the pretense; allow the naturalness, the spontaneous.

This ‘As if’…, this presumption; where is it? ‘I’m the body’. Body doesn’t want freedom at all. What are we doing here if we’re the body? So simple if you were just the body. It doesn’t have relationships; it doesn’t want special relationships at least. It is not concerned about money in the bank. Is the body even concerned about the health of the body?…, because the seeming-owner of this body, the pretend owner, it has all of these concerns ‘as if’…, as if the non-existent one can have some control.

We’ve got it upside down, you see. The mind always has everything upside down. We say ‘I don’t see God’. [but it’s] We don’t see the ‘person’. The body is not the person. This that Is, Your own Being, Your own Presence, is the one doer and the one experiencer of all phenomena. That which Is the mind denies; that which never is, that we presume ourself to be. The upside down functioning of the mind. Creating separation where none exists. And look at where it is getting the world. This is a pigmentation of skin over which all this fighting also. This is the God that we’re fighting over.  It’s all a joke, isn’t it?  This is all upside down. This is all separation. ‘Me and my brother got separated’ is just an idea.

This entire phenomenal realm is the One body of God, of Being. And right now if you check you can see this. I’m not giving you another theory. This is not a religion. This can be checked now. If you’re not stubborn, if you don’t keep refusing to look, if you don’t cling to the stubborn insistence of being a person in spite of not finding one, then it’s so simple what we’re saying.

What is here?

What is the constant in the waking state?

The body is changing, the appearances are changing, but what is constant?

Can you stop Being?

And don’t hear these as some philosophical words.

Try to stop being.

Don’t be for a second; don’t exist.

It doesn’t matter as what; just don’t exist.

This is the one constant: Your own Presence, I Am.

There is never a world without this ‘I Am’.

You are aware of this.

Who is That that is aware of this sense of Being?

Forget about what the mind is saying. Just look.

Who is aware that I exist, I Am? Just look.

Your discovery will not be a phenomena.

Your realization will not be phenomenal.

It might have phenomenal by-products.

Who is aware of Being?

Your mind cannot answer this. The thoughts cannot fathom this.

Is this awareness touched by anything?

What is your dimension here?

The one that is aware of Being,

What is your size here?

What is your location?

Are you coming and going?

Are you subject to time and space?

Are you aware now?

Who is aware of this awareness?

Don’t leave. Stay.

Who is aware of awareness?

To believe any idea is to leave with that idea.

Don’t leave. Stay.

Let the ideas leave.

If you find that you fall into the hypnosis of the mind again, come back.

Find out: Who is aware…, even of awareness itself?

Nothing is lost. You are here.
Who is aware of this?

Who is aware of this Awareness?

This is the simplest question ever. But for the mind it is impossible.

Everything that the mind is saying now is just rubbish. Let it come and go.

This is your true Self: Awareness Itself.

None of you have missed the recognition. You are aware now.

This itself is the recognition. It is that simple.

It is not the recognition which is difficult. In fact it can seem more difficult to give up our stories.

But That which You Are, (and you’re recognizing it now), cannot have a story. That which is not phenomenal cannot have a story. That within which all phenomenon is born and dissolves, That Itself cannot have a story. You Are This.

This is playing as if it is God; and God is playing in turn as if it is a person. The truth will be recognized in the dropping of these ideas. Drop all personal ideas. Don’t nourish anything with your belief.

As Consciousness, I Am that I Am.

And see that even this, You are aware of.

But this You cannot be defined, cannot be labeled.

It is not subject to time and space.

Higher than the highest,

Before the first.

Are you aware now?

Who is aware of this awareness?

What are you here?

Are you this body?

These sensations?

Thought, emotions?

Are you changing?

The truth about Yourself is un-miss-able.
Because You Are That.

But it lives up to no projection that you might have about It.

The truth is not a play of lights.
Truth is not in the chakras.

The truth is not even love, peace and joy,

Although all of these can be beautiful by-products.

And for those of you who call me your teacher, I just have two functions:

One is to bring you to this recognition of yourself.

And the second is to not let you believe any nonsense about yourself.

Both are inter-related.

As you remain in this Seeing, some energetic wobbling, some fear can come.

Let it come and let it go.

Vigilant practice is the fertile time for the mind to come and say ‘Listen. Draw upon these ideas about your freedom’. Let them come and go.

This is also the time that the mind can come and throw tantrums about nothing at all.

Let the tantrums also come and go.

But if the mind is saying ‘I got it’ or if the mind is saying ‘Why am I not getting it?’…, both are unimportant. Let them go.

Don’t hide behind a concept now. Remain open.

Don’t resist. Allow.

Allow the pretense to dissolve within you.

Stay here.

Don’t believe any idea.

This is the true meaning of ‘Be Quiet’.

Be quiet.