BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

A: Yes? There is a person? [Laughter]

Q: It is coming very strongly. I don’t know why, but any time I hear you speak about ‘openness means acceptance; to allow what is’…, then just the moment I hear this, I just can’t get it.

A: You can’t allow it. [Laughter]

Q:  Like it is not even practical. Like, suppose you are in pain, then to seek the relief of pain becomes the highest goal in your life in that moment.

A: This is very good. So, this is an excellent example. So, what happens usually when there is pain experienced, even physical pain in the body, what happens is that…, okay, let me give you real life example, with my children, with my daughter. She got some hurt or something in school and she came in a lot of pain. So we put the band-aid, did the cleanup, Neosporin, everything, but still she was like ‘Oh, there is so much pain, so much pain’. So then I was just saying ‘Okay, let’s count the number of minutes it takes for the pain to go’.

It is just that the mindset changed from ‘Oh there is so much pain’ to just saying ‘Let’s see how many minutes’. And in that, there came an acceptance of this pain. And with the acceptance of the pain, everyone has reported to me that ‘As pain is accepted, it doesn’t seem to be as vicious as it was before acceptance of it’. Resisted pain is the most painful. When we mix the pain with ideas of ‘It should go fast’ then the experience is much more painful.

Accept it here, accept it in. In fact, even doctors are using this for therapy now. There are some blogs that people have written about that how the acceptance of pain helped them to be free of the pain; as long as this was being resisted mentally, how it seemed to get stronger and stronger. So the way to get pain relief is not to say ‘Oh, you should not come; pain, pain, you should not be here’. Just to see that it is here, to see what it is doing, to see how it is.

Q:  But Father, is it not in resistance or by resistance that we seek a way out of it?

A: That is the usual way; but here you find that acceptance is itself the way out of it. To see that ‘I am never in it’ is the best way out of it, isn’t it?  [Silence]

Suppose that you had a strong imagination that you are stuck in a prison? What is the best way out of this imagined prison? To figure out how you will cut the imaginary bars? Or to see that there is no prison in the first place?

As we come open and accepting…, because the good news is that the reality is this: What I am cannot be bound, is not separate. You see? So, if this is reality, then the acceptance of what is appearing, as a simple allowing, that helps to see that ‘This realm of appearances doesn’t really hurt what I am because I am not bound by it. I am not an entity within this play’.

There are many paths like that. If you presume that you are an entity within this play, then you should read things like Tony Robbins that talk about ‘How to awaken the giant within you’.  These kinds of things; take from that perspective and to make something greater out of you. What I am showing you is that:

What you already are is greater than anything that the imagined mind can aspire to become.

Q: Father, why it always boils down to the mind?

A: It is the only one lying.

Q: It can be seen in nature also. I can give you a very clear example that a river is flowing, and suppose the flow gets obstructed by something, some movement; then we have seen in nature that sometimes the river, the flow, the stream has to cut through even mountains to pass through and make a new way out of it.

A: Now, very good example; in the same example now, if this river was flowing but you could communicate with it, the river is telling you that ‘You know, at Lakshman Jhula, there is a big obstruction.  I want to cut through that’. You can see Lakshman Jhula and see that there is no obstruction there; that Jhula is on top and it is not obstructing the river in any way. So, now will you tell the river ‘You please work harder. Cut the obstruction. Do it’? Or will you say ‘Can you just see that there is no obstruction?’

The mind is saying ‘You must work through it, make sure it happens, cut this way, cut that way, this is the way it works, other rivers are coming, Yamuna and Saraswati and everybody is coming saying that this is how I did it’.  But you are sitting there and saying ‘I see no obstruction. So, what will you tell the river?

Q: But I don’t see how denying any appearance will be of help in that situation in that moment.

A: Yes, but the appearance is not there at all, in this case. The obstruction is not there. The person is not there. I am not saying to deny the appearance; but can you-as-a-person appear to you? What atom is the person made up of?

Q:  That is what I said. Why is it always on the mind and person? It could simply be a natural movement of life.

A: Yes, if you show me the person, the appearance of the person, I will cease to be in denial of it. Isn’t that scientific? Or should we go with the presumed ideas? And the presumed ideas have been many which have now been overridden, isn’t it? ‘The world is flat. Earth is the center of the universe’. All these were presumed ideas.

So, what we are denying? Only that which can’t be experienced directly; or that is not appearing even in this realm of atoms and molecules. You see? That is what is called openness; to not go with the presumption that something must be true unless it is our direct experience.

Q: It is this acceptance that I just can’t understand.

A: It is simpler; because maybe something complicated is being made up. I am saying that the mind is telling you that ‘You are from Mars. You are actually a Martian, and these are your likes and dislikes. This is what you want to do. You are visiting this planet’. I am saying ‘There is a voice in your head that is convincing you that you are this. I can see that you are not a Martian’. I am just saying ‘Why are you believing the mind? Just see for yourself what you are’. Would you call that denial? Only if it was true that you are a Martian. [Chuckles]

Q: Okay, so to have self-knowledge or to see what I am, does it mean that I will let everything be as it is? I won’t seek a way out of any situation, any movement? If there is a pain, I won’t seek a way out of it? I won’t take medicine.

A: [with great humility and kindness]: You know that it’s not true, so I won’t even engage in that part; because many times I have even suggested that people take medicine.
So, what will be seen is that ‘I-as-a-presumption is not real. The recognition of the true-I will be here. And then all actions, (taking medicine, not taking medicine; the movement of this body/mind), there will be a simple allowing of that.

Your idea of allowing seems to be that it will be a very passive state. I am saying that allowing means anything could happen. You could be…, in your state of allowing, if energy is there for you to do a great initiative which will bring peace and light to the entire universe, then why does allowing have to be ‘Oh, I will just sit in my bed and not take any medicine’. Why does it always have to be like that?

Q: Sorry, I just don’t understand.

A: Which part?  Can you make it very specific?

Q: Like a very simple logic that if you allow something or you accept everything as it, then why would you wish or intend it to be any different than as it is?

A: If you allow things to be as they are. Because they are as they are, isn’t it? That is the reason to allow.

Q: Then would you intend?

A: There can be this play of this energy, this urge to movement in any way that can also be allowed to flow. I don’t feel that there is anyone, even operating personally, who has been able to make a real difference without first the clear acceptance of things as they are. I see many actually who are in delusion. In my family, there are some who (because life has not been very kind to them), they still feel like they are living in Taj Mahal. They refuse to accept that they are now in a hut. So, in that mental delusion of being in Taj Mahal, the appropriate actions are not seemingly-happening. So, anyone who has ever even made a difference in a seemingly-personal way, (if you were just to speak in a non-satsang way), you will find that they had a very objective assessment and acceptance of things as they are first. That is what I mean by acceptance.

So, when we are open to accepting things as they are, what do we find? One is to look at the phenomenal realm and say ‘Okay, this computer is like this; this is like this’. But isn’t there a deeper way to see things as they are; to see there is no existence of this separate entity?

What is wrong with that Seeing? Wouldn’t you call ‘delusion’ just to be the presuming of something which is never found? Isn’t it?

Acceptance doesn’t mean passivity. Acceptance just means to see things as they are. And not to be in denial of that.

In fact, it is the opposite of denial. You can’t accept if you are in denial. There can be some fear about accepting the muck which seems to appear in this world. There can be some fear about it, that if you become open then all the pain and grief which the world is experiencing will be ours to see naked. It can seem very raw. It can seem very naked. Maybe that can be the fear. ‘I’d rather live in a mental concept of myself and the world; a very romanticized version of what is’. That is not what I am saying.

I am saying: There can be an acceptance of this realm as it is appearing. And from there, if there is some movement happening towards changing it in a certain way, that is also allowed.

The first aspect of this is this recognition that we are coming to; this primal witnessing that witnesses everything, including the sense of existence itself. This one is the recognition that we are coming to. But because we have fed this, nourished this tree of conditioning for a long, long time with our beliefs about the false ‘me’ that is why this tree of conditioning doesn’t automatically drop off. Mostly…

But, there is a simple way. The simple way is to always start with Right Now and to see that the next thought that comes and goes, I am just going to allow it to come and go. Because Right Now the tree of conditioning has no power over what is here…, unless I give it power through my belief in the next thought that comes. And as we pull at this branch, which is the next thought, then the entire tree of conditioning seems to be back again. That is what we call the ‘person’…, ‘Oh, the person is back’ or ‘The person is here’. You see?

As we let it come and go, and we see that there is no conditioning to be found…, what is, just is. There is a sense of existence here, but ultimately even that, I am the witness of. Because this one has no past or future; it’s unchanging, not aging, not moving, cannot be hurt by anything. Everything is coming and going within it but It Itself is not coming or going.

Q: I really don’t know anything at the moment. [Laughing] I just know that I wanted to look closer with you on doership, what is going on. And I don’t even know if this is true. So, there’s some obsession going on with making these highlights. [Highlight videos of segments of satsang talks by subject] And I was looking at it, and I…, I just don’t know anything anymore. [Giggles] Um…, what I can remember, yeah? … [Laughs]…

A: [Laughs]

Q: … what I remember now is that …

A: Can you forget what you remember? Let’s forget what you remember and just remain fresh here.

Q: Yeah, fresh.

A: You want to remember? You want to get into all that? No. It’s better not to. No?

Q: Yeah. No, there’s…, (I don’t know how to put it in words…).

A: Let’s start with this ‘I don’t know’ itself.

Q: Yeah. I like that very much. [Laughs]

A: [Laughs] At least so far you do. I hope it continues. Because this question usually is not very comfortable, because when we look at just these very basics then the inquiry can be very short, actually.

We say ‘I know something’ or ‘I don’t know something. What do we actually mean by that? [Silence] All of us must look together.

Q: I don’t know. [Big laughter]

A: So, we can slow it down for everyone, so everyone can follow. We say ‘I know’. Or sometimes we say ‘I don’t know’. What is it that is really meant? And all of us can check on this.

What is it that we mean by ‘knowing’?

Q: When I say ‘I don’t know’ it is just what is here. There is nothing to be known at the moment. I’m just here. There’s no thoughts which are going on, or anything….

A: Very good. So, can we say that, usually, when it is said ‘I don’t know anything’ or ‘I know something’ we are talking about the description of something or the image of something from memory or from imagination?

Q: Sorry, that was too long to remember.

A: So, I’m saying that when we say, usually, that ‘I know something’…, aren’t we talking about the concept of something, which is the description of something or a visual/mental representation of something? Isn’t that usually how we denote knowing?

Q: Yes. When you know, life going on, talking to people, or just saying ‘Yes, I know he is coming then’ or whatever. Something like that; the schedule…

A: Yes, very good. So, does everyone agree that this is how the word ‘knowing’ is usually used? To get a concept or to get a visual of something is usually how the word ‘knowing’ is used. Then when we say ‘I don’t know’ it means I don’t have a clear concept of what I want to communicate, or I don’t have a clear visual either or what is going on’. You see? It is like a blank. Isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A: Good. It is still knowing; which fluctuates between having a concept of something or not having a concept of something; or not having a clear concept of something. Is this mental knowing, which is having the description of something or having the visual of something…, is that the only knowing?

Q: So, you say to be fresh here. So, what is here? There are no thoughts here, and this is what I see. There are no thoughts, but I can say ‘This is what I know. This is what I see’.

A: So, the non-existence of certain phenomena like thoughts is also known. When I say ‘I don’t know’ what we’re saying is ‘I Know that I don’t have a good concept right now’.

Q: Yes.

A: I can repeat this for everyone. Usually in the world, when we say ‘I don’t know’ what we are saying is ‘I Know that I don’t know concept or description right now’. Isn’t it? So, there’s a knowing of it which is prior to this kind of mental knowing, isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A: You see? Now, what does this Knowing, (let’s call the Knowing with a capital ‘K’), what is this Knowing dependent on?

Q: There is no dependence.

A: At all?

Q: No, no. Not at all.

A: Very good. Who are all coming to this conclusion?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: So, he says…, (very good question)…, ‘Isn’t this Knowing dependent on the sense of Being?

And when we check, we see that there is the appearance of the waking state ‘I Am’ also. (So, don’t worry if some of you are getting confused by this). So, isn’t there a knowing of even this ‘I Am-ness’ …, that ‘I exist’ …, which is independent of any sort of mental knowing; independent even of the presence or absence of Being? To report if it is true or not, you will need that; the reporting, of course, is dependent on that. But the Knowing, which means that ‘I Know I woke up at 7:00 a.m. but I just wanted to lay in the bed and keep my eyes closed’. So, what changed at 7:00 a.m.? [Silence] This sense of existence came. Isn’t it? This Knowingness must have been there to see the changing of ‘nothing-ness’ to ‘something-ness’.

So, Nitya says that ‘It is completely independent’. Now, how many of you agree or disagree? Agree…, on direct Seeing. Dis-agree? [Begins speaking with sangha in room]

Q: [Inaudible] …when the mind comes in, then I go from ‘nothing-ness’ to ‘something-ness’

A: Again, we go slowly, so what have we covered so far. We started with this point where Nitya said ‘I don’t know’. And I said ‘That is a beautiful place to start the inquiry’. So, what is that we usually mean by saying that ‘I know something’. What does it mean? Let’s go again. What is it that we mean?

Q: [Inaudible] …visual images or descriptions.

A: Visual images, descriptions. So, this is one kind of knowing. Then we said ‘Is this the only knowing? Isn’t it also Known that ‘Right now, I don’t have a thought. I don’t have a clear thought about something’? Now, this Knowing is which one? What Knows that right now a clear thought is not available…, or I’m not getting a clear visual replica of what is this Knowing? (And I said that for a while, we’ll call this the Knowing with a capital ‘K’.)

Q: [Inaudible]

A: Mind disappeared. Very good. So, he said ‘If there is a question, the mind disappeared, and now it’s making a come-back’. Yes. [Looks at questioner]. It’s not making a come-back? Well, it will come back eventually. [Chuckles] Now, it’s really back. We’ll not look at you, will that help? [Laughs]
What do you mean by knowing? (Give him the mic.) He enjoys seeing me do the inquiry.

Q: I try to do some magic and just disappear everything. [Laughs] So, you said that there are only two kinds of knowing. One is a mental description of something, and one is the Awareness, the primal Knowing. I said that there is something…, which is an experience of something. So, suppose I am having some experience. Right now I am tasting a mango, or I am feeling a pain in the body, so I’m having any kind of experience. But this experience is neither a mental knowing nor a primal Knowing. So, what is this?

A: Yes. This experience is Known by what? [Silence] It is experienced by Consciousness. It is tasting the mango. Now that this phenomenal perceiving is going on, who Knows this or is aware of this? [Silence] Would you say there is no difference between the tasting, and the knowing of the tasting? Qualitatively. Fundamentally, of course, there is no difference.

Q: There is a knowing which enables the tasting to happen. But of course, it is a knowing; the experience of something is a knowing which is neither a mental nor a primal Knowing.

A: Yeah, we can say like that. The experience of it also we can put in the category of small ‘k’. But it is fundamentally that the Knowing of this phenomenal tasting remains unchanged. Isn’t it? And that is where all of this reporting, all of this tasting, is also Known. If this Knowing was not there, then would there be any awareness of the phenomenal experience; be it sight or tasting or feeling?

So, when we say the description of something or the visual replica of something…, whether the replica is happening here [indicated outside area, the room] or the replica is happening seemingly-here [indicates his head], it’s all just replicas are being experienced, isn’t it?

Where are we with Nitya? [First questioner]

Q: Father, everything can be really (like you said) very short, because I’m just here, and of course, I’m aware that I’m here.

A: Yes.

Q: And with this, just everything stops. That’s it. What to say? Nothing anymore. You know? I’m trying to find something but actually, it’s totally impossible.

A: So, let’s even look at this. What does it mean when we say ‘I am trying to find something’? Can you break it down further? What does it mean?

Q: It’s just empty here.

A: What is empty? Is the appearance empty?

Q: Of course, I can see. I can see everything here. But what I see is empty.

A: Empty, of what?

Q: Of personal things, I would say maybe. Of personal relationship to it.

A: Yes. It also starts to become empty of description, isn’t it? Empty of this mental meaning that we have been giving it. If the appearance just remains the simple appearance and it becomes empty of description, (and, as you said very beautifully actually), empty of a sense of personal relationship with what is appearing. It is just appearing.

Very good.

Q: Now, what comes in to my mind is triggers. Triggers are coming, yeah? Like with this doership or something like this. When something personal comes into it…, it just gets personal, in a way. And sometimes very subtle only; very subtle. Personhood; you just sense it. There’s some ‘me’ in it.

A: So, also you can describe this to everyone. You can describe this. How can something which is appearing…, how does it start seeming personal?
Q: I have to interpret. I have to interpret something, when something occurs like maybe a feeling, I have to believe something about it. I have to go relate to it. I have to relate to that which is appearing; make it somehow ‘my own’.

A: Yes. But can it be that the appearance is just the appearance…, but a thought comes…,

and without belief in that thought, does something really change about the appearance?

Q: No. Nothing at all.

A: So, something becoming personal is, therefore, just a pretense. Isn’t it?

Q: [Silence]

A: What I mean by ‘pretense’ is that nothing really changed; even at the level of appearance.

Q: No, the appearance stays always just an appearance. It is always just an appearance. The relationship of thought, belief and appearance has to come together somehow.

A: Yes. And even in the coming together of it, nothing has really changed except that now there is a presumption or condition that something is ‘mine’ or ‘not mine’ or ‘I want something’ or ‘I don’t want something’ or ‘I like something’ or ‘I don’t like something’. You see? All these presumptions come into play.

Q: I just forgot the meaning of ‘presumption’. Sorry… [Chuckles]

A: Pretending. Just like a pretending.

Q: Pretending…, okay. Yeah, it’s actually very easy. You just don’t relate to anything; don’t believe anything. It’s always this. Always this.

A: So, now let me play the Devil’s advocate, literally. So, when you say ‘Okay, then I just don’t relate to anything’. But isn’t that just such a life-less, boring, insipid existence?

Q: No, not at all! It’s very light, very beautiful, very alive; really alive, actually. Really alive.

A: Won’t joy stop if I stop relating to things?

Q: No. [Smiling] No. [Chuckles] No, not at all.

A: What is the trouble I will get if I stop this personal relating? You have to warn me; you have to warn me now, what is the trouble I can expect if I stop relating to this world of appearances personally?

Q: No trouble! [Laughs] Not at all. What trouble? I mean, it’s just beautiful. [Chuckles] It’s just great.

A: Okay, no trouble; you say ‘No trouble’ if I don’t relate to anything personally.

Q: Yeah.

A: Then why do it in the first place?

Q: It’s just a habit, really, actually. It’s really just somehow the energy plays like this; some energy pull goes to it. Because it was just learned for such a long time to do that and to believe. And if you don’t Know who you are, who This Is, if you don’t Know that You Are This, you cannot do it. Otherwise, it’s just like …, yeah…, it’s just happening like this.

A: It sounds very simple to me. It sounds very simple to me, that just appearances are coming, the interpreter is coming with interpretations or meanings about them. All I’m meant to do is let go of these meanings and interpretations and allow life to just be. Is that what you’re saying?

Q: Yes. But you just cannot do it in that sense, (how to say that?) I mean, when you’re here, it’s just very natural. It’s just how it is. That is the natural state.

A: What do you mean by ‘When you are here’? What does it mean?

Q: When you’re just not relating to anything; just here in this Presence, as This Presence; when you’re just empty. To be here is just being empty and not relating personally to anything what is appearing; what is coming up inside, outside, or whatever. This is what I mean ‘Just being here’.

And when you’re here, it’s actually very … it is not actually possible to…, I don’t know how to believe now, at the moment. You really have to think, really. I don’t know even how to think right now. Therefore, thoughts have to come.

A: [Chuckles] Yes.

Q: And you have to believe them. But when you’re here, you have to not …, I don’t know, I forgot where we were, actually.

A: [Chuckles] It’s very good; it’s very good. You are coming to the end of trouble, you see? And you said with 100% certainty ‘The only way to come to suffering or trouble is first the appearance of this interpreter thought, and then, even after the appearance, there needs to be a belief or an identification with it. Isn’t it?

Q: Yes. [Silence] Father, I have the feeling I can’t even follow what we are talking of here, because …

A: [Laughs]

Q: [Laughs]  … it’s just so empty.

A: So, you KNOW that you don’t know? [Chuckles]

Q: I Know! But then I don’t know, yeah. It’s very beautiful.

A: [Chuckles] Now, if I were to be a bit radical and say that the small ‘k’ knowing, we cannot really testify to it being true; at best, (as [Nisargadatta] Maharaj said), ‘You can say the only truth that I can say is that ‘I Am’ … , but ultimately this is not the truth’. Therefore, in this one simple statement, he discarded everything that is known in this mental sort of way. Isn’t it? Because that is the Truth; which is The Truth must remain. Truth, (at least the definition we are using here), is not something which is coming and going.

So, within the waking state, the only seeming Truth seems to be that ‘I exist’ …, ‘I Am’. But because we have experienced other states, it is seen that ultimately this Knowingness, this Awareness, is not even subject to this Presence. ‘It is not subject to’ implies that it is the only subject but it is not dependent on anything, including this ‘I Am’.

To use words, you can say that ‘The only Truth is that I Am’. No attributes. And the job of this mental knowing seems to be to present interpretations, attributes, and conditions for this pure Presence ‘I Am’.

Q: Father, how it is here is more that ‘I Am’ and also ‘I am not’ is more true; both.

A: Yes. What do you mean by ‘I am not’?

Q: What do I mean? It is really both. ‘I Am’ is the first appearance really.

A: Yes.

Q: And ‘I am not’ is even more what I am.  [Groans. Laughs.]

A: I like this quote a lot, actually. So, this ‘I am not’ means that…, rather than saying ‘I am not’…, because in saying ‘I am not’ is only cancelling the ‘Am-ness’. Isn’t it? You’re not cancelling the ‘I-ness’.

I know it can sound a bit technical, but what you are saying is that ‘I’ is more than even ‘I Am’.

Q: Yes, right, right. Yeah. Yes. Right.

A: So, this ‘I’ …, which is the ‘I’ that remains, as Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said…, [Silence] Is it possible to lose this ‘I’?

Q: [Laughing] No. No, it’s not. No.

A: If it is not possible to lose this ‘I’ (and is it okay if we call this ‘I’ the Self?), then what is the spiritual journey about…, this journey for the Self?

Q: [Laughing] I don’t know what it is. I have no idea. I have truly no idea.

It is just…, how to say? How to answer a question like this, when you’re just here, empty, and this is the only Truth, so to say. How can you answer a question like this? I have no idea. Really. Seriously. How to answer any question? I don’t know how you are doing this, actually. [Chuckles]

A: The first part of the play of appearances, isn’t it?

Q: Yeah, it must be like this. [Laughing together] Like going shopping or something like this. It’s the same; no difference to anything else.

A: Yes.

Q: Yeah [Chuckles]

Try not to put any conditions to anything at all. Actually, it is the root of all suffering, these conditions. ‘Conditioning’ is derived from ‘Conditions’. Isn’t it? When we put a condition, what are we putting a condition to? It’s important to See this, because this actually is the end of suffering. What can we put conditions to? Contemplate this for a bit. Our conditions can apply to what?

Q: The idea of ‘me’.

A: The idea of ‘me’. Yes, conditions are put only to those things that are relevant or meaningful to ‘me’. So, it all ultimately comes back to this ‘me’. Isn’t it? Anything. ‘It should be like this’. Someone says ‘I am this way. I am only this way. I’m a straight-talker. I am like this. I am very honest. I am a good person’. You see? ‘My life should be this way. I should have a simple life. My family should be this way’. So, all of this is related to this ‘me’. Ordinarily.

To speak more Advaitically, we put conditions to our Presence; to the Presence ‘I Am’ which is uncontaminated. Then we put these pretend-conditions which then give us the cause to suffer. Because nothing ever goes according to our conditions, (in the long term, at least). It might give you some seeming-illusion that in the short term something is working out according to plan. It doesn’t work out in that way, because ultimately all of these conditions do get dissolved. And we come back to pure Presence. Atma. So Atma playing as person is Atma believing conditions about Itself. You see?

Then, we hold on to our special ones. ‘Everything but this one, these two; don’t touch these. These I’m not willing to give up on’. And you see, Life pulls at them. It pulls at them, doesn’t it? It pulls, pulls, pulls until we open our hands. And we find that as we open our hands, nothing that we truly needed, (because we don’t need anything actually), is taken away. Being is just being. Being is not being dependent on anything. So, if we look at all aspects of our life; our attachments, our grievances, our conditions are all reliant on this conditioning.

The good news is, although it can seem very vast, there is only one way that we can attach a condition to ourself. What is the way? [Silence] What is the way to get conditioned? So, let’s see how we get conditioned in the first place.

Is it the appearance of objects? Beautiful things are appearing or horrendous things are appearing. Is it possible for there to be conditions or conditioning just because of the appearance of things? Possible? [Silence] We must contemplate.

So, my feeling is, after we come back from the break, (I’ve said this often, I know, [Laughs] so don’t laugh at me),  then I’m not going to ‘spoon feed’ as much. I feel I want to push you a little further into these things.

So, (as we say), don’t take my word for anything: Is it possible for there to be suffering without conditions?

A: It’s very important that we look at this because every suffering of the mind itself is only Consciousness, you see. It is Consciousness. Now if truly it is understood that there is no personal ‘I’ it is experienced. We recognize what this is and we are not picking up any idea of this ‘I’. This is all showing that there is something personal. So, although suffering also happens within the ‘What Is’, then what does it imply? It implies that something personal is being picked up. Therefore, we cannot say that ‘I truly have dropped the sense of personal ‘I’ and yet suffering is continuing; but I know that I am not suffering because it is only God which is doing everything’. It is a very subtle point and a very important point. And it is a point where all, (not all, but many) are stuck.

What then happens is that we say that ‘it is not the sun which is going around the earth coming from the east and setting in the west.  I know that it is the earth, which is going around the sun’. So, even when the experience of suffering is coming, which means that the experience of sun rising and sun setting is happening, we try to say ‘Yes, but I know the truth. Actually it is the earth, which is going around’. And it is our experience that the sun rising and setting.

So, what happens is that the way this realm is designed, just like gravity attracts two objects together and doesn’t push them apart…, just like water flows from higher to lower level, in the same way, there is only suffering if there is something personal. Although all of it is happening in the realm of unconsciousness. Nothing is changing in reality about Consciousness.

But the appearance of suffering implies that there is a misbelief. I am believing myself to be something which is not. So instead of applying this, we say ‘No, no, no, I am just Consciousness. Suffering is not real, okay?’ We try to Advaita our suffering away by causing mental concepts and that creates more resistance.

Instead of that, it is better to look, you see, better to look. You know why? And that is words that we have; that is why we are in satsang. ‘What is it that I am still believing about myself?’ and then inquiring in an authentic way. You see in suffering and everything happens only within Consciousness.

This pointing is God’s play within Consciousness, telling Him that there is no need to suffer now because you are not a person. There is nothing personal about you. You see?

Does this mean we are resisting something? No, in fact, we are getting open. And openness and suffering are opposites.

The intellectual mind, or the Advaita mind, can make this very confusing. But it is not possible in this realm for this hand to be closed and open at the same time. This is the living experience.

If the hand is open, it is the opposite of suffering. It is Consciousness. It is only a play of Consciousness.

What can happen is that we can have the experience that life is telling us that ‘The ‘me’ is being kept alive by showing this’. And we are avoiding even that, until something really big has to come and shake us out of this. You see?

So, I am trying to save you trouble, because it is trouble I experienced here myself. And it is not the end of suffering. I was keeping the ‘me’ alive in the Advaita itself. Then you see the alarm clock is ringing ‘beep, beep, beep, beep, beep’ saying ‘me is there, me is there, me is there: inquire’. And the beep, beep gets more and more intense. We can try to deny away our suffering as much as we like. But it doesn’t really help.

Q:  Father, may I speak here? For me, what is actually happening is that I don’t have any identification with anything now, like with the family or anything. Even what comes, anybody tells stories, my stories…., anything it doesn’t matter because it is not believed, any of those. But I don’t know if there is anything beyond the superficial one, the on-the-surface one.

I don’t know if I am right to say that I still don’t feel that complete satisfaction. Somehow, I don’t know if you are able to feel what I am feeling from my heart, but there is a deep urge here. (Or, is it true or is this also imagined?) But still, that complete satisfaction…, for example, if you are really hungry and you have a proper meal and your tummy is full and you feel so satisfied and you relax into it completely.

That is exactly what I feel, like I’m looking for that kind of complete satisfaction or complete fullness or contentment, or whatever it is. That is something which is coming up. But I don’t know what is going to give me that. You know?  It is also another picking up, but I don’t know. I’m not sure, Father. Maybe that is why. It is very subtle. I am not able to notice it. So, it is a bit of…, because nothing outside is making me happy now. So I don’t what is this all.

A: Yes, it’s trying to justify now. ‘I have heard that there is so much contentment that you feel completely full and I just want that. I want that. What am I asking for?’ It is basic; this small identification. ‘Then I must have this and I am not getting this’.

You use what is happening. The identification which is left is the identification with this.

The ‘I’ that wants it…, is which one? [Silence] The same one. You see? Isn’t it? So, this is how the mind can be tricky. Not, it is Seen that everything is becoming lighter, (relationships, money, body, seeking itself is becoming lighter), and it very subtly it sold you the idea ‘But this should make you really contentment. I should feel good in my heart’. You see? And the ‘I’ was born again in this; the pretend’ I’. This way. That’s why it is a trickster. And it can seem very, very justifiable. ‘Yes, now I am not identifying. I am free. I recognize myself. I am this Awareness, which is aware even of Being. But where is the contentment?’ [Chuckles] That small ‘but…’ You see? ‘But where is the contentment’…, itself makes a problem.

It is also not the Ultimate, because the ‘I’ that wants contentment is not Being.

Q: At the moment, it feels like there are a lot of tendencies that are here that I didn’t even really realize were there, to be honest.

A: Like? For example?

Q: One of them is this obsession with things which are labeled ‘mine’. Even though I can’t find the ‘me’ when I look, still it’s there, and it’s almost hypnotic somehow.

A: Things which are the mind?

Q: No, things which are mine, which feel like they belong to me. And it’s not just things, as in physical things. It’s also…, I don’t know. I don’t know exactly what, but it’s not just physical things. And I can see it’s not true but at the same time it’s like somehow I’m enjoying it.

A: Like in the feeling of ownership?

Q:  Yeah, and this kind of privacy really, this secrecy, this center point that’s ‘me’. And then, of course, thoughts are always there to back that up and to say ‘Oh, yeah, yeah. Here’s the border line and here’s why that person is doing that, or what they’re planning’. And it’s all suspicion, so I’m finding that…, it’s horrible. It’s really horrible, and I want it to stop, as in I feel deeply that…

A: Can you give an example of something that happened which manifested in this way, to make us clear?

Q: Yeah, so an example would be, say if I’m at home, say if I’m cooking something or making some tea or something like that. And I just feel like…, I have been feeling a bit hopeless recently, and a bit down, so that’s there. And then when these guys come through [referring to Sangha roommates] quite innocently, and just say ‘Oh what are you making?’ and immediately something goes [makes contraction sound] inside and I just feel like ‘Urgh!’

A: Like what, the tea is mine? Don’t touch it! Like that?

Q: Well yeah, and…

A: Are you using tea metaphorically, or seriously? [Chuckles]

Q: Seriously. [Laughter] I feel like a 3 year old with a bag of sweets or something. Or even worse, because I can see that there’s no joy in this ‘me’…, even worse I feel like a 3 year old with a toy which takes two people to play, like a see-saw. And I’m sat on the see-saw, and obviously you can’t play on the see-saw on your own, but because of basically selfishness, nobody else can sit on the other side. And it’s horrible, and…

A: Yes. It can happen sometimes like that.

Q: There’s a lot of resistance sometimes to just dropping it.

A: Do you feel like the rest of your roommates are lazy? Because it can be like that. ‘They laze around and don’t do anything, and I’m making tea and they want that also!’ [Laughter]

Q: I don’t think so, because I’ve always enjoyed cooking and I enjoy being in the kitchen and I enjoy, I guess, providing for people. So, over the past three years or so I would say, as a character, it’s been the complete opposite. I’ve always shared whatever I’ve had, and that’s why its painful and it comes as a shock, because suddenly it’s here where I just feel like I don’t want to share anything and I’m always looking and checking my things to make sure ‘Is it still there?’ But of course, it’s always one way. What the mind is presenting is only for me and not for anybody else. It’s been going on for a while and I don’t know why I’ve not exposed it. I guess because it’s felt so stupid. But at the same time, I’m looking at it now and I have to admit that it feels very real when it happens.

A: Yes.

Q: And it’s only afterwards when I go ‘Oh my god. What was that about?’ There’s definitely less resistance now to just going and apologizing, or going and saying ‘Here you go, have this’. But I can see that I can’t just blame the mind and say ‘Oh it’s the mind’ because something is really going with it. And of course, if I wasn’t enjoying it on some level then I wouldn’t be doing it. So I really want to ask for your help because it feels like in doing this I’m pushing people away.

A: Yes. So first thing to do with all of these is to not go with the ‘one-two punch’. The first one is getting you anyway. The guilt one, you see? ‘I’m being a bad person’ or ‘I’m being so selfish’…, all of this, forget about it. Because that is not helpful in getting rid of the first one, it’s actually energizing it. The mind is celebrating ‘Yes! One-two combo! Good!’

Just see that we can say that ‘Yes, I was making tea, and Hari came into the kitchen and I felt possessive for my tea and I said ‘I am going to have this right now, please, if you don’t mind’ or something. It just happened like that, you see?

And when you watch it like that you’ll see that just in that moment something played out in this way. So, you bought yourself to be the owner of the tea, now at least don’t buy the one who is guilty of being selfish. So, make that lighter first. And now that you’ve exposed this it becomes easier, because they know then that [Inaudible] so they’re not resenting you about it. It is allowed.

Second is that these things, they survive stronger in darkness than in sunshine. It is said that sunshine is the best disinfectant. In the same way, now that you’ve exposed it and said ‘This is what is happening here’…, you’ve exposed not only your own light on it, but in the light of satsang you will find that as you brought your looking into this, you will find that, in itself, it will get lighter and lighter. If you’re not falling for the guilt or selfishness or regret ideas, something just shines on this, independent. What is it that wants to hold onto other things? Where is it coming from? Is there a sense of lack? Or is there a sense of being made up of my possessions? What is it? Your light will shine brighter on these inquiries, on these questions. And it will not become stronger; it will get lighter and lighter.

So, firstly don’t be guilty, don’t regret, don’t say ‘Oh I’m so selfish’. Don’t put any labels onto yourself because this has happened. Then all this muck is at least kept aside. Then it becomes just like this. Then, when the moment comes that again you’re making a chocolate cake or something and you wanted the whole thing for yourself, and someone comes in and is looking at it …, [Wags finger, laughing] then as that happens, you’re not falling into the trap of guilt and all of that, you’re just looking. ‘So what happened there? Was it a sense of need that I have? Was it a sense of not wanting to be exploited? Do I feel a sense of lack if my possessions are taken away? What is it that I am most scared to lose?’

Q: So, something that is definitely there is this exploitation, I guess. But it’s more that somebody is… [Pause]

A: You can say it, it’s Okay. [To other Sangha roommates]: He can say it, yes?

Q: Do you know what ‘Taking the Mickey’ means?

A: Taking the Mickey? I thought it just meant making a fool of you?

Q: No, it’s kind of being taken advantage of! Someone is bouncing around on their own rhythm and not being respectful or considerate. And so then this defensiveness comes. Yes, that’s what it is. And then the tendency recently has been just to want to go into retreat, to go in my room and shut the door. But I can see that that’s not going to solve anything.

A: And when we look and see ‘Who is it that can be taken advantage of?’

Q: Exactly.

A: There’s nobody.

Q: There’s nobody, there’s nothing. But when it happens, somehow this sense of a constriction is there, and then the voice starts. It knows every button, and it’s going… [Makes pinging sound] and it’s saying ‘Oh, yeah, remember this? Remember that?’ It’s hypnotic in a way, and I go into it, and I believe it somehow. Or even when somehow I can see ‘Hang on a minute, who? Is that really the case?’ But something has still really got its claws in and it feels like that thing is ‘me’. I feel like I have to take some responsibility for it because I do feel like I am enjoying it on some level. Some kind of weird…

A: Who? Who is enjoying? [Laughter] Who is taking responsibility? These are very subtle things that the mind can sell us, and that’s also the ‘one-two punch’ combo. It can be either pride or guilt.

Q: Maybe what I mean is that sometimes it’s the Advaita one who will go ‘Oh, no, no, it’s not me! And so therefore I don’t even have to look at it.’ That kind of insincerity.

A: Yes, the fake niceness.

Q: Yeah, I can’t run with that any more. That’s not going to do anything. That’s useless. So, now I’m looking. And there is sort of a helplessness even to look.

A: So, the interaction that happens when you’re in the process of making your tea is not what we’re trying to fix here. That can flow still; you can be a sage and tell somebody ‘Don’t touch my tea, okay?’ or ‘Leave my stuff alone!’ It can flow like that. But we’re looking at is, first, the by-products of all of this side play that is happening with you. ‘Yes, I want to believe that I’m enjoying that’. That play, or the guilt play, or the selfish one; look at all of that. And to see, if at the root of this manifesting, there’s a sense of need or lack or victimization or exploitation, (which is all just mental, you see?) So once that is thrown away, or most of that is thrown away, then it doesn’t matter.

Q: Definitely in the bigger picture. [Inaudible] But also I don’t have a job, and I’ve obviously got Gracie in England who’s missing me a lot, and I am just feeling a bit ‘Whoaa!’ It feels sometimes that all of that sense of responsibility for this life, all of that sense of how things should be, has been taken away. [Inaudible] and I think something’s scared. I do feel sometimes [Inaudible]

A: When that sense of responsibility was believed, you did a very good job?

[Laughter]

Q: No, I mean, I wasn’t happy at all.

A: The mind tells you these stories but only gives you part of the story. ‘You have to be completely responsible now, what about these things?’ [Chuckles] ‘But when I had all those things, was I behaving much better?’ Then you see that the mind can sell us all of these stories. But with the question ‘Who? Who am I?’ you cannot really fall for any of these traps. And as our direct seeing, our satsang is meeting the rest of our life, there’s bound to be some friction where it seems like the rubber is hitting the road. There can be. But you’ll find that it becomes more and more natural. And here, of course, you know that we don’t have any rules. I’m not saying that you have to always just be here. When it’s time to go and meet your daughter, you’ll find yourself booking the ticket, you’ll find yourself coming back. It’s all allowed to happen very organically.

But no buying tickets to any merry-go-round! Basically, why? Because at the root of it is ‘If I just leave everything to God then, one, He’s going to make a big mess of it; and two, I’m now a very terrible, irresponsible, lazy person’. All of these sticky things come with our sense of doership. And as we let go, you find that without this burden of doership, it is not that doing stops; it is the ‘Being responsible/irresponsible. What are others thinking of me? Am I being this way or that way?’ …, that drops away more and more. And you know that this Consciousness which is being allowed to run our life has always been the One which is running our life; without the sense of…, (with a lot less sense of) pride and guilt.

It’s the intertwining of various things, you see. The sense that ‘Something can be taken away from me, or I have to hold onto something otherwise it goes away from me’. This kind of sense. Or the sense of ‘How am I behaving? Am I being selfish, responsible or irresponsible?’ Then there can be a sense of ‘Yes, yes, but I am justified! I’m feeling some power when I do that; blocking others from touching my stuff’. We can look at all of these.

But it doesn’t mean that our actions at the end of it, (and especially when you say that it seems like a deeply hypnotic state), we see that we cannot do anything there. But at least now, coming to satsang, we see that when the hypnotism doesn’t seem as strong, then we can see ‘What other concepts am I picking up?’ Enlighten those. As you lighten those, then even the hypnosis will seem lighter and lighter.

It’s like that. That’s why we’ve been focusing so much on that because I can say that for all of you, you’ve had very direct recognition about who you are. Isn’t it? When we speak about Awareness and Consciousness, it isn’t like we’re speaking about some mental concepts. It is directly verifiable. Isn’t it? Now, all of this prior conditioning will come to play; sometimes in a bigger way also, as the recognition is happening. So allow it also to come and go. And what you did now is very useful, to be able to expose it. It’s not easy, because your roommates are also here and you’ve come and said…

Q: I’m really sorry. I feel like my attention just keeps diving off into imagination.

A: It’s okay.

Q: I just feel like I’m not fully with you or something.

A: It’s okay. It will become lighter and lighter. The good thing is we record all of this. [Laughter] There is no escape. [Laughter]

We should actually do that, you know? We discussed once…, Ziya had come up with an idea that anyone who comes up with a question then has to go back and transcribe the interaction. At least in that way, we ensure that anything you didn’t hear.., you’ll get some snippets of what I am saying, and it might seem like I’m saying ABC, but actually I might be saying just the opposite. So, that might be a good thing, especially for those who have been in satsang for some time. We can say ‘Okay, if you have a question, a real question, let it be real enough that you’re willing to put in some effort to transcribe the answer also’. That’s good. Then we’ll find that when you know you have to transcribe this later, some more attention will stay.

One of the biggest things that pulls our attention away is ‘Okay, how am I going to respond? What am I going to say next?’ And that play will also become lighter, because you’ll see the words will just come. You don’t have to work out the words you’re going to say next. The exchange will become a lot more spontaneous. This is very good.

That’s why I’ve been saying that the recognition is very vital, very important. But with the help of the pointings which are being shared here, I feel that all of you are coming to that recognition. But that doesn’t mean that the recognition itself is liberation.

Also the allowing of all this conditioning to come out, to be released, to not to give value to these things, especially not to our guilt about these things; that is very important also. And there is no 100% end to conditioning. Jokingly I used to say 99.986% is enough.

And like you said, there are many things that we forget. When you made that fan slower, then I realized how much noise it was making. So, things are coming out now which, because your sensitivity is increasing, you’re finding. Otherwise very quickly we go into our justifications and say ‘Yes, yes, I was completely justified in doing what I did’ and things like this. Here, we are at least starting to look.

And very importantly, you said something very good, which is that we drop our fake spiritual personas also. [Chuckles] Because sometimes we can play like ‘We’re in satsang, so I have to be nice’. [Laughter] So, all that dropping also is very authentic. We don’t have to purposely or forcefully make ourselves share, or forcefully make ourselves love others. It’s not like that. It’s much more natural. ‘I don’t feel to share right now’. It’s fine. Sometimes satsang can be for them also. A lot of things, I’m sure in any interaction, always give both sides something to look at. Isn’t it? So, it is some satsang for your roommates also.

It’s like we collected a bunch of ideas and put them in our bag, and then got so attached to these ideas that we started calling the bag ‘Me’. So any times an idea is attacked, it seemed like ‘I am being attacked’. My idea about how life should proceed, what my journey should be like, what my day should be like, what my satsang should be like, what my Master should be like. [Chuckles] All of these attack us. We got so attached to these ideas in this bag that we pretend that this bag is ‘Me’.

So, what is being attacked? What is it that makes you suffer? Just these…, our concepts about life. How can an appearance attack You? For an appearance to attack you, you have to be an appearance. You see?

Keep this bag away. Keep it aside. Every idea, keep it aside. It is not your business anymore.

This is what Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] meant when he said ‘We climb into the train of the Master, and you continue to carry this bag on your head’. See? What is this bag? It’s all these ideas we have.

We don’t know anything; nothing! We don’t even know what Knowing is. And we pretend to know how our life should be. We don’t even know what it means. So many things we report, pretending as if we know something. But what does it mean to Know something itself, we don’t know.

I remember one of my Masters in the past was asked this question: ‘So, what happened to you?’ What happened to you in this liberation, enlightenment?’ He just said ‘It just felt like I was carrying this big, heavy school bag, and I just kept it down. That’s all that happened’. And maybe I didn’t understand the answer at that point. But this is what it is. Without these mental conceptions, these replicas in the mind; it’s a beautiful emptiness. Only when our mind is empty in this way then we experience the fullness of this experience.

It’s like we’ve been living a ‘second-hand’ life. Everything that comes to us, first we give to the mind, then we purchase it second-hand from this mind. Now, we start living life first-hand; fresh and new. And a first-hand life cannot be the one that we have been leading so far. When we meet it direct and raw in this way; when we meet life naked in this way, without the covering of this muck called the mind, then we will start to find great vibrance in every moment. This wonderful moment Right Now is being served up for you to taste, as is. It doesn’t need any garnishing from the mind. And as we start to taste this moment, you start to taste Your own Being; which is the same, all is arising in Your Being, so we taste our own Beingness.

And that is the purpose…, one of my favorite explanations…, (there is no explanation for the purpose of this creation, but one of my favorite explanations), is This; so that we can taste our Being in this way is the purpose of this creation…, in all of its colors and shapes and sizes. Everywhere our attention can go has to be within us. Because our attention cannot leave us. So all of this realm is being tasted here, fresh; not second-hand, not stale from the refrigerator of the mind.

So, in this way, this beautiful play starts to get recognized as a play because we have removed all the ideas about how it has to be. And the mind doesn’t spare any appearance; anyone in this appearance, it doesn’t spare. Isn’t it? Anything you give it, it says ‘Oh, but….’ Anything. It doesn’t spare our loved ones, it doesn’t spare our teachers, our Masters.

I don’t know whether Guruji [Mooji] said in satsang once or if it just came up through his voice here, but ‘Give anything to the mind, give a chocolate cake to the mind, what does it do? It puts mud in it’.

So there must be a time for compassion to the mind; there will be a time where you treat the mind like a loving pet. But don’t rush to that. You don’t pet a wolf. The wolf had to be domesticated first, then became like dogs.

So, all of these replicas that we’ve saved up, all of these attachments that we’ve put in this bag, just keep them away.

Even to tell me that you are suffering, you cannot do it without going to your thoughts.

So often it happens, isn’t it? When someone comes and says ‘Oh, I really want to talk to you’. And I say ‘Okay, speak from the Now’. And then I can immediately see that the attention is going to the mind, so we say

[Snaps fingers] ‘NOW’.

[Snaps fingers] ‘Now’.

[Snaps fingers] ‘Speak from the Now’.

[Snaps fingers] ‘Now’.

You see? [Chuckles] And it’s very irritating, like ‘You’re not letting me think, so how will I respond?’ Because I don’t want you to go there; because I know only mud will come from there [Chuckles]…, not chocolate cake.

NOW is God.

Just see how pristine it is that this moment is free from all conditioning; all the past history, ideas, beliefs, concepts: All gone. But in the play, you have the seeming choice now, as Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said, either to go with this stream of thoughts, or to allow these thoughts to come and go: And You remain.

This is all there is actually. We speak every day, but actually, this is all there is.

In different, different flavors, I tell you the same thing actually. Throw away your school bag. Throw away your mental replicas. Don’t go with your thoughts. Don’t believe your next thought. ALL is just this. And all the other insights: Awareness, Consciousness, creation, dissolution…, all will become clear; all the states, everything will reveal itself as long as we don’t get on this merry-go-round of thoughts.

To say that ‘I have surrendered and I am suffering’ is not possible. If you have surrendered, then there is no ‘I’ left to suffer. So, we are moving away from this convenient half-surrender, which says that ‘You are the doer now, my Lord or my Master, but I am still the experiencer’. We are moving away from that, and Seeing that the doer and the experiencer must be the Satguru, Consciousness.

And it is Seen that: All is always well.

Q: I know that I am Awareness, but how to realize it?

A: The Knowing of it is the realization of it. Because you cannot know Awareness as the mind; you cannot know it conceptually. To recognize it is the only way to Know It.

I am aware…, is the Knowing of Knowing Itself.

The Knowing is Aware. Nothing else is aware.

I am that Awareness.

We are speaking of magnificent things; of magnificent things, beyond many mental comprehensions. We’re speaking of God, we’re speaking of the Universe. We’re speaking of primal forces, even more primal than light and sound and gravity and electricity. And we speak of attention. And we’re not just speaking of them for speaking’s sake. We’re speaking of them from a place of recognition.

You are seeing God for yourself. You’re experiencing God. And all it takes is, just for a little while, we let go of any idea we have about God.

The recognition of God is not difficult. What seems to be difficult is to let go of our concepts of God. Some even have an aversion to the word ‘God’ itself, maybe because of some experiences in their up-bringing. God has become mistaken to be an object of religion. It is not that. God Is what Is. And I Am What Is. Not ‘I am this Ananta’. The ‘I Am’ which is what You Are. Your own Atma. Your own sense of existence. Nothing exists without You. Nothing exists without You. And this is our direct experience of ‘I Am’.

Even this mind only appears when I am. It is not our experience that anything exists without this sense of existence first. And if we didn’t give into the resistance of the mind for just a few minutes, I can show you that all of this that is spinning is happening inside you. Nothing is happening outside of you. There is no outside.

You can check this now, because I speak from the voice of this direct recognition. All of this play is just happening in the light of my Being. And this is what your direct experience is already, but you are…, many times (especially if you’re new to satsang)…, giving belief and attention to the paintings that your mind is painting for you; the imagination. We don’t need to visualize anything. You see, the minute we start speaking like this, the mind starts making some visuals of space and how I am at the center of space or something like that. [Chuckles] No, we’re talking about THIS appearance. If you don’t give it to the mind, what do we find at the center of it? There is a sense of existence, I Am…, your Being.

And to make this simple, we have offered many tools. The simple question: ‘Can you stop being?’ might seem very [inaudible] but we are to ‘take it on’ empty of the mind in some way and See if it is possible to stop this ‘being’ that is here. And you will quickly find that Being is just being. From this perspective of the waking state, we cannot say ‘start or stop’ of the Being.

Then I say: Try to find the limits of this Being.

What are the boundaries of this existence?

What is outside of this Being?

That is You, this Consciousness, that You Are. I want you to taste Your Atma. I want you to taste; not just the word ‘soul’…, I want it to be a living experience for You. And actually, already it is a living experience for You. The only trouble-maker is this mind.

You Exist. I Am. The sounds that you hear, the sensations that you feel, the visuals that you perceive, (either the seeming-outside world or imagination or memory). All of these visuals; where are they actually perceived? Where are they experienced? Can there be an experience outside of You? Can you testify to an experience which you have not had? All is Yours, you see? This world is dancing in front of You.

Now, unfortunately, for the mind, there is no personal benefit in knowing any of this. It is not necessary that knowledge of this will put more money in the bank, will improve our relationships or improve the health of our body. It is not necessary. And yet you will find that you will deny even what somebody like the Buddha said. Supposedly he said that the world Is suffering. But we are not the suffer-er of experience.

Just to know Your own magnificence, to know Your own enormity!

Actually, many of you are scared of this. Many of you are just scared of how great you are, how large you are, how timeless you are. But most fundamentally, all of us, in some way, are scared of how empty we are. Therefore, when we See that even this ‘I Am’ and the play within this space of Being, (creation, time and space and all the primal energies), what I truly Am is aware even of this.

What could I be now? Ask Yourself, really. What are you?

Don’t be scared of this. Because it feels a little bit unsettling, don’t be in a rush to go to some ideas or visuals. Stay with your pure observing, pure looking; untainted with mental contamination.

Because for too long we have allowed the mind to dictate what the content of our experience is, to interpret what our experience is. For too long have we bought these stories and interpretations.

There is nobody here but God! And You are That in which God is born.

Don’t be scared of the enormity of these words. Don’t be very quick to defend our little-ness. You are playing as God, and yet you are much more than that. And God is not suffering.

Nothing can make God suffer, and You are That.

So, let’s drop all our stories about ‘What is happening to me’ and ‘How my life should be different’. Because You are doing all of this. All is Your play; it’s all about You.

There’s a dream character sitting in front of you right now called ‘Ananta’ and you’re pretending as if you need to hear these words to remember who you are. All of this is Your play.

You don’t need any spirituality to show you that You exist. You are the only on that exists actually. You are all there is.

Another popular misunderstanding in Advaita is…, (and somebody was saying in the sangha also the other day), that she got ‘Advaita police-d’ because she said ‘I’ or ‘you’ or something. [Chuckles] It’s just …, when we say ‘You do not exist’ or ‘I do not exist’ what does it mean? It means that there is no ego here; there is no person here. And because we have used ‘I’ and ‘you’ for so long for this sense of separation, this ego, we have used ‘I’ to say ‘I don’t exist’ or ‘you’ to say ‘you don’t exist’. This is not the denial of existence. You DO exist. Only You exist. But not personally. Only I exist; because I and You are One. But not personally.

‘I exist’ is the basis of this whole fundamental, phenomenal appearance. I exist as the basis of this Universe. Therefore, I don’t exist as that which my thoughts are saying; I don’t exist as a person. But only I Am. This is Your own voice.

What I am going to say next, don’t try and understand it. Just let the words do whatever they have to do.

So I Am is the sense of existence on which relies the entire realm’s existence. There is no realm without I Am. And yet it is I which is playing the game of existence: I playing as I Am.

There is an ‘I’ which is even more fundamental, even more prior to the existence of this ‘Am’. And You Know this, because it is Knowingness Itself, it is Awareness Itself.

Question or inquire into Your Knowing. Inquire into the Knowing which is not conceptual.

Because it is so primal to us, Our reality. It can be said that it has been neglected. To say anything at all from this direct experience requires there to be this Awareness of it, or a Knowingness of it. To say that ‘I Am’ implies that ‘I am aware that I exist, I am aware that I Am’. It is implied, you see? I’m not making it up that ‘I Am’.  It is directly Known.

You see the distinction? How many are still with me? You see the distinction? When we say ‘I Am’ …, are we just making it up? It is an idea that ‘I am’ that ‘I exist’? Or is it not our direct living experience of existence right now. Isn’t there an Awareness of it? Isn’t there a Knowingness of this?

See this. Don’t allow your mind to say ‘Oh, this is getting too abstract’. [Chuckles] I’m speaking very simple words, actually. We are not making it up conceptually; it is not an idea. It is not an idea like ‘Oh, there is a God sitting in heaven’. That’s an idea. It’s a beautiful idea; it’s a notion. You see?

Here, what are we talking about? We’re talking about our existence: I exist. Is this not our experience?

Sometimes, those new to satsang will say ‘But, I don’t know this really’. That’s why I’ve offered you the question: Can you stop being?  You say ‘No. I exist. I am’. This is Seen. There is an Awareness of it. There is a Knowingness of it. It is direct experience. It is direct, pure observation; not an idea of something.

I don’t want to give you any new ideas. There are enough ideas in the world; and if you just needed ideas, there are plenty of books where you find them. So, what I want to show you is this:  directly, undeniably, that you KNOW that You exist. It is not a concept, it is not an idea. It is the direct Knowing of my existence. There is this Knowing, this Awareness, which is what You Are.

You are aware now. You cannot deny it; as much as the mind might try to resist.

Actively inquire a little bit, and see: Are you aware now?

What do I mean ‘actively’? Directly observing; not thinking about it.

Are you aware now?

What makes you say ‘Yes’?

What did you see?

Nothing.

You did not see this awareness as an object.

What gives us the ability to say ‘I am aware’ of something?

Who taught you about this ‘aware’?

How to become aware?

Was it learned?
Was it acquired from outside?

Can we look, LOOK, without interpreting, without proclamations, without notions, without any jargon? Just look at what is happening.

Okay, let me offer you another simple inquiry. Nobody can deny this appearance of this realm of appearances. These appearances are there. Is that all there is? These appearances are there. Is that all there is? So ‘you’ are another appearance? Are you another appearance?

Again, don’t go with what the mind is saying; don’t go with the visuals. See for yourself.

Isn’t there an awareness which is untouched by these appearances?

Can Awareness be touched by any appearances at all?

In this realm of appearances, everything is appearing and disappearing.
That which appears and disappears is phenomenal.

All which is phenomenal in India is called ‘maya’.

That which can come and go, that which comes and goes, is maya.

Are you an object within this maya?

Who, then, is the subject of this maya?

Who is aware of this maya, this play of coming and going,

if you yourself are a mere object which comes and goes?

Who is it that is aware now?

What are the attributes of this one?
Where is it located?
How old is this?

Some like to say that ‘Awareness is nothing but a functioning of Consciousness’. Then who knows about sleep? You see? They say ‘But there is nothing in sleep’. But who is aware of that? How is it known that there is something called ‘sleep state’? Is it just a made-up idea? Is there only a notion of sleep? Why is it such a popular notion, then? If we did not have the direct experience of waking up, how did this notion become popular?

So, if there is awareness even of that waking up, (‘I woke up at 7:30’), so there is an awareness of this sense of existence waking up. ‘I woke up’. Who saw the contrast between sleep and waking up? Who saw that the paper changed from black to multi-colored? There must be an observing, isn’t it? Otherwise, would it not just be that suddenly it was ll:00 pm and now it’s 7:30 am. What a time lapse! No, you say ‘I went to sleep and I woke up’.

It’s a very tricky topic for the mind, because the mind says ‘But there’s nothing; but there’s really nothing in sleep. I can’t say’. Or then it tries to rely on the fact that ‘Even now, to contemplate sleep, we have to work from memory’. But to contemplate anything from our experience from the past, we have to take memory, isn’t it? So, if we say ‘Okay, let’s leave all memory behind’…, then you cannot show me suffering anyway. [Chuckles] You see? If you had the memory of a fish, (as Guruji [Mooji] used to say), then no trouble. You would not be in satsang if you had the memory of a fish. [Laughing] One is, you would not remember where satsang is. [Laughs] But you know what I mean.

Without memory, I don’t feel we can trouble ourselves. There are fundamentally only four ways in which we can trouble ourselves. I keep saying this over and over. But it’s important to understand this.

One: relationships. Number 1 we mention for self-trouble is relationships. It’s not just that. It is more than that. But let’s, for this example, say that; relationships.

Second: Money, work, employment; all this stuff. Money in the bank. This is the second.

Third: The body. Health of the body, how the body is looking, feeling; all this body-related stuff.

And Fourth: is our own search for meaning, search for freedom; whatever we like to call it. The ‘Seeker identity’.

These are the main four ways. All our lives have been about these four moving around, different values, different points of time, and us trying to juggle these four balls efficiently. These are the four causes of suffering. We are not complicated. It’s just that different values take on different variables at some point in time and it feels like ‘Oh, my life is so complicated or messed up’ or something like this. And that’s all that is happening. And all of these belong to who? Whose relationship? Who is concerned about money in the bank? Who is the owner of this body that is so concerned? ‘My body. My body is like this’. And who is looking for freedom?

Before we can go looking for solutions or find solutions to any of these four perennial problems, wouldn’t it be first wise to ask: Whose problems are they?

That we presume. Whose problems are they? ‘It is Ananta, or it’s David’ or whatever. And who is this one? ‘Hmmm. Maybe the body?’ The body cares about money in the bank? Not really. Is the body even right now saying ‘Oh, I’m putting on weight’? Not really. Is the body concerned about the fight with the neighbor? Not really. WHO is this one that deals in all these four things? This is the ‘I’ which does not exist. So when you say ‘I don’t exist’ or ‘You don’t exist’…, this one, that has these four [problems] does not exist.

Why do I say it? Because I’ve looked, and I haven’t found. And anybody who has looked with openness, without mental replicas, without mental conceptions, has not found this ‘person’. Because it doesn’t exist.

So, when I created the bet, I knew fully well that I have the winning odds. So, we created a bet, maybe two years ago, and I started by saying that ‘Anyone who can show me the person gets $100 right now’. [Chuckles] So, the odds were completely tilted in my favor. But there is something to the checking…, something in the checking of that.

Who is the one who has problems? Can we find this one and present this one? We are always representing that one. Many times, our words and our behavior and our whole way of thinking is representing this one; but this one is a mythical one. We are representing a myth, a belief; a bundle of beliefs at best. You see? Because what do we find when we look? We find what we were talking about:

We find that there is the sense of existence, which is not personal, which has none of these four troubles. And we find an awareness which is so untouched that even the word untouched is not required. But it cannot be a conceptual witnessing of these things. You see?

Q: Father, one question I had about the inquiry that we were doing today. When you say that sense of ‘I Am’ or ‘I exist’. And you know, I’m been trying to figure out that ‘All of these great people that come after me, and they have such great openings, and why am I stuck?’ And today while I was meditating I kind of realized that when I say ‘I exist’ I identify too much with my bodily sensations. So, what I mean by that is my sense of existence is derived from my sense of, you know, bodily sensations. Whereas you just made a point there that ‘I Am’ is not personal. And I also knew that ‘I Am’ is not personal, but I thought ‘I Am’ is not personal because I don’t have any control over it. But at the same time, my misunderstanding I think is that I’m too much identified with the bodily sensations and I’m interpreting them as the sense of ‘I exist’. Is this…, can you please shed some light on that?

A: Yes, yes, yes. I want to tell you one thing, that the mind’s game is to make everything upside down. It makes everything upside down. So, in this world, if you see, it’s the stupidest thing. It is such a primitive thing to do, that we draw lines on the sand and say ‘All the ones who are on this side of the line are my brothers, and on that side of the line are my enemies’. All of this just because some notion of lines have been made on maps. So, the mind will take everything that is pristine and beautiful as is, and make it upside down and make it mucky and sticky.

Now, body identity; also it can seem like ‘I am experiencing ‘I Am’ within the body’. But actually you are experiencing the sensations and the visuals of the body within this ‘I Am’. And if you can check. Just right now: find out where the sensations in the body are happening?

Are they not experienced within this same space of Being? Is the top of your head experienced within you the same way as the bottom of your feet are experienced within you, as a set of sensations?

And the mind collaborates with this and it gives you some sort of a visual dimension of this body and then presumes as if this ‘I Am-ness’ is enclosed within it. But actually, if you see for yourself, you will find that this sense of ‘I Am’…, you cannot find a boundary to that. To the body, you are finding boundary. Therefore, that which has boundaries must be within the unbound. Isn’t it?

All sensations are experienced within You. And when I say ‘within You’ I am speaking about this space of Being. The same space of Being is hearing the sound and experiencing the sensations of the body, isn’t it? There is one space of experiencing. Everything is experienced within this; the sense of distance, space the sense of physical weight within the body, the sense of sensations and emotions, the images of imagination and memory the images that our sight is bringing to us…, are they all reporting to different spaces? No, it is one space of experiencing where all of this is happening.

The body is an experience that you are having within the same space of Being; the same space of experiencing. All phenomenal perceiving, phenomenal experiencing, is happening within You. And you cannot deduce this. You must recognize this. Check for yourself. The same being that I point you to when I say ‘Can you stop Being now?’ You will find that this one is boundary-less, unlimited.

If it is not perceived here, it does not exist; from our direct experience. Can anyone say that I had an experience which was outside of my Being? Can anyone say that the Being was absent? It was there; either this body or another [dream state] body, either this state or the dream state. All the experiencing is happening within this one space of Being.

In this way we see that there is this phenomenal One-ness; that all appearances are One, all appearances are my Being, all experiences are God. That is why it is said ‘God is everywhere’ because it is One Being. You see? If this Being was just within the body, then how would God be everywhere? What about the space within bodies? Where is that experienced? Within the same Being. The movement of your attention is also experienced within the space of your Being. That is why I can even say something like ‘With your eyes closed, see if you can bring your attention to the top of your head, and maybe even a little more than the top of your head’. All this is moving within You.

I can say ‘Bring your attention to the sounds that are happening at a distance place’. Is there a way for attention to move out of you? Can it move in this way? What medium would it use to travel? How can you hear the sounds that are seemingly at a distance from this body? You see?

And only that which gets my attention seems to exist. That is why this sense of existence and attention are so strongly inter-linked. Therefore, that which we so easily accept about the dream state…, now that we are in this so-called waking state, we so easily accept that the entire dream was within Me. Mind has resistance to the waking state which is nothing but the dream state. ‘How is it possible that the entire dream was within You? In which space was that?’

Rely on your Seeing now. See how your attention is just moving within you and yet it is getting you objects from outside the body.

This contemplation, this inquiry to the sense of Being is the inquiry into your own God-Presence. You are discovering yourself as God in this. You’re discovering what is meant when it is said ‘I Am That I Am’. It is the same God which is everywhere, which is everything, is this ‘I Am’. Consciousness. There is no separation. The only presumed separation is when you believe a thought. If separation was real then there would be separation even without labeling, even without thinking. There is only the experiencing of sensations and energies.

[Silence]

This is true limitless-ness. It is this limitless-ness, timeless-ness, which the mind is trying to mimic through ambition and achievement. The mind is trying to mimic its Father which is limitless through its version of these. But the mind is too restricted in its perspective to make us limitless or to make us recognize the limitless-ness.

Find out: Where is this ‘I Am’? Where does it start and where does it end? Even if it starts to emerge from a physical center like the heart, see the boundaries of the body. See if it actually comes to an end.

[Silence]

And as you’re finding this limitless-ness, you will find that the quiverings within This, the small vibrations of suffering or grief are being experienced here but there is no suffer-er here. The suffer-er is presumed, just like doer is presumed, the thinker is presumed. And although there is no rush to make any proclamations, You find that everything is nothing for You in this ocean called Consciousness that is I, playing as ‘I Am’. And our life will become universal; no longer constricted by this question ‘What’s in it for me?’ in everything that appears or ‘What am I gaining or loosing?’ Because we let go of this ‘me’. Once you see that You Are Everything, you cannot want anything. Everything can not want anything. You see?

[Silence]

And once you see that You Are Everything then there is also an allowing of everything, because you are no longer pushing an aspect of yourself away, or trying to push it away. Once you find this infinite space within YourSelf, then nothing is pushed away. All is welcome. And in this way we move away from this circle of desire and aversion, from ‘What’s in it for me?’ and ‘What do I avoid?’ All of it is inter-linked like this. Only when I consider myself to be an object in the appearance can I say that I want another object. Once I see that I Am This in which everything is coming and going; I Am that which gives existence to existence…, then what can I want or be adverse to?

So then the Masters pointing ‘Hand over your existence to existence’ takes on a different meaning, because now existence gets it existence from You. And it is my feeling that although these words may not make sense to the mind yet, somewhere these words must be being recognized intuitively as pointing to the Truth of what You Are.

[Silence]

And even if all of this fails, even if all of this fails and we feel like…, (because I felt like this for a few years actually; that I could not find the ‘I Am’. I felt like that for a few years)…, if all of this fails and we cannot fathom this Being, then stick to this question ‘Who is the ‘I’ that cannot find even I Am?’ This is enough. This will reveal everything to us.

As we come to a recognition of this ‘I’ which is without attributes, then even that which has the attribute ‘Am’…, ‘I Am’…, will reveal itself on its own. So, if it cannot be recognized…, this space, this space of Beingness, forget about it and ask yourself: Who is it that can’t find even this ‘I Am’? Who am I? Who is this ‘I’ which is struggling with this ‘I Am’?

Q: It’s a question about the dream and the awake state I was contemplating. So, Father, when we are sleeping, this physical body is at rest. It’s like still.

A: Yes, when you’re sleeping, (let’s just pause for a second), when we are sleeping, is it our experience that there is a physical body?

Q: No. There is no such experience. But in the dream we see so many characters. And then there is a dream body. And the ‘I Am-ness’ is felt in that dream body of mine, but not in the other characters.

A: Ah.

Q: I see so many faces, so many people around, but the ‘I Am-ness’, the sense of aliveness, is felt only on that particular dream body, which I say ‘It’s me’. But basically, this dream is only seen by me. There is a dream which even my friends, even my relatives, husband and kids can’t see. Only I’m seeing.  So, it’s taking everything inside this ‘me’ but the ‘I Am-ness’ is felt only in the particular character in the dream body that is my dream body. And then, I’m awake; like when we say it’s an awake waking state, I see so many characters but the sense of ‘I Am-ness’ is felt in this body. So, Father, I’m not finding any difference between this dream and the waking state. It’s just similar. So, as in a dream, when I say about my dream, I just say ‘I have seen it’ but everything was happening inside me. In this waking state, ‘I Am-ness’ is felt in one particular body. No difference. How do we say it’s a dream, it’s a waking state?

A: There is no difference.

Q: I mean, I know the right words…,

A: No, it’s very good. There is no difference. It’s just that when we are in this realm, this state, we call this the waking state. And that which was experienced earlier, we call that the dream state. Now, in that which we call the dream state, if there was some memory of this, then we would call this a dream. Isn’t it?

Q: But the ‘I Am’ is felt in the dream state also. There was an ‘I Am-ness’ inside the dream body. And I am also inside this.

A: Okay, let’s look at this point a little bit. Let’s look at this point a little bit closely. Because it can seem like the ‘I Am-ness’ is experienced within the body. And we can understand what you mean by that because it can seem like the origin of the sensation ‘I Am’ (for most of us) seems to be in the heart region. That’s why Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] called it the heart. So when Bhagavan used ‘the heart’ he was referring to the origin of this sense ‘I Am’. But just because it can seem like it is a point of origin, or a point where a flame ignites doesn’t mean that it is restricted to that. It can feel like that, yes, that it is enclosed within this body. But actually, once we look at it without any mental conceptions, you will see that it is the body actually which is enclosed within this ‘I Am’. The sensations of the body, the visuals of the body, you can say is experienced completely inside this sense ‘I Am’. You cannot say that it is outside of you. But we experience so much more within this sense ‘I Am’…, not just restricted to the boundaries of this body but also the seeming-external world is also experienced within Me; this same Me, the same ‘I Am-ness’.

So, as we start to check like this, we will see that the dream state is all happening within You, within the same Being, within the space ‘I Am’. And this waking state is also happening all within the same ‘I Am’.

See if you can find the boundaries of this ‘I Am-ness’. You will find that you cannot find these boundaries and everything is actually enclosed in this; all time and space is within me. So, in reality, both the dream state and the waking state are just the appearance of various energetic realms within the space of Being, within Me. Everything is inside Me. There is nothing outside of this.

We are all getting these insights now. All that we have to do, seemingly have to do, (and that is not a doing, actually)…, but the choice that we seem to have is only the choice to let go of our mental concepts. I’ve been calling it our mental replicas. And how to let go of our mental replicas, mental concepts? Not to believe what our thoughts are telling us. Then we will find that this is coming.

Yesterday I was saying, (and many of you might have missed that because it was after a long Q & A session, so maybe I can repeat that a little bit).

Most of us in our life are meeting ideas about what we are seeing. We’re meeting an idea of what we are seeing. So, when we see a computer in front of us, we’re meeting the label ‘Computer’ and the description that we already have about this computer. ‘It is like this. It is useful. I use it to connect’. And when we meet a person, also we are meeting a replica of that person that is created both as an image and a description. So, most of us are meeting it like this.

Now, as we are letting go of our thoughts, then our reliance on these conceptual replicas is reducing. And we are meeting what is appearing as it is, without interpretation. And this, in itself, life becomes a lot more spontaneous, a lot more joyful, peaceful. Not necessarily only these emotions should come, but usually. So, we’re meeting everything as it is, without pre-conceived ideas and notions; or newly conceived ideas and notions also. Just fresh! And you see that our attention becomes much more clear, because it is not diverted between our mind and what is appearing. This is what happens as we let go of our mental replicas.

Then the insight that comes, (and it doesn’t have to be in this order; I’m just trying to make it simpler), but then the insight that comes is that all of this that is appearing is all within this one space of Being that I Am. There is no appearance without this ‘I Am’. Everything is shining with the light of this ‘I Am’. You see, it is this one Atma, one Being, in the Presence of which this entire phenomenal leela, this phenomenal play starts; and also concludes. Appears and dissolves within this one space of Being.

It’s a beautiful insight when we see that everything is just what it is, and all of it is a part of Me, within Me; this play ‘I Am’. Then this Universe already comes. Then we speak with the voice of God: I Am that I Am.

Then, what can happen is that there is a sense which can come which says ‘Even this sense I Am, and all that is appearing and disappearing within It, I am aware of. And this Awareness seems to be untouched and unconcerned by even this play of I Am that I Am’.

And although, to the mind, this seems like a seeming duality, actually it is the play of One. We see that this Awareness is I, unchanging-ly I, and in its play, it is playing as Being. It doesn’t mean that there are two separate entities now; it doesn’t mean that there is an entity at all now. Yet, qualitatively, when looked FROM within this space of Being, it does seem like they operate qualitatively differently. Just in the same way as Shiva and Parvati are one ultimately, and there’s a representation of that; same way that Yin and Yang are one, not two, yet the Yin and the Yang seem to be playing qualitatively differently.

So, Being is this sense of existence. The immaculate phenomena. This sense of Being, the sense of existence, is also born with the non-phenomenal where even the sense of existence cannot be found. You see? And with this unity, and this Awareness aware of even Being, (which also I Am; which is the I Am itself actually), all of these insights, all of this direct experience, direct Seeing you will have…, just with this first step which is to let go of any mental replica, any mental concept that we have about anything at all; including this teaching, including this pointing. Then you will see that all of this flow is very natural, very beautiful.

So, as Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said, if there is a sense of a choice-maker, if there is a sense of a choice, the only choice you must make is to not go along with your stream of thoughts. What does it mean ‘Not go along’? Not to believe them, not to identify with them.

So, as we are letting go of this mind, as you are letting go of the mind, you’re having these insights that there seems to be no difference between my dream state, (that which we call the dream state) and this waking state; which is completely true. Both are just projections within Being; of Being Itself.

And I can tell you that just in this simple first step, of not going along with the mind, we find that even that which we call ‘the quality of life’ will be drastically different. Pain will continue, but that which we call suffering, psychological suffering, will not persist for too long; even though it might come up once in a while, especially if something has been suppressed for long periods of time, something which has been strongly believed in the past. And we must not resist this releasing. So allow all that has to come out, to come out. But we will find that in the emptiness of the mind, you will find great spontaneity, great simplicity; which is not empty of insights. It is full of these beautiful insights. Because it can seem like ‘If I’m empty of the mind [thoughts] then I will never learn anything. All will become so stale and robotic’. It is the opposite actually. Everything becomes so fresh and wonderful; and True understanding comes, True insight comes…, not just a conceptual idea of things.

Very good.

We were talking a little bit before satsang, and looking to see whether we can do the inquiry a little bit, and to see who is the witness of thoughts and feelings. And sometimes it just seems like there’s no fire in it, no power in it. So then I asked [said], there are only two options basically: either we look together and see who you are, or you leave everything to me.

So, she’s left everything to me. [Speaking to the one he was speaking with before satsang began online]: It’s a contract, yes? [Smiles]

There are many variations of half-surrender which I used to speak about earlier. Maybe I can share a little bit before we get into the inquiry. One is that ‘You are now the doer’ (You: God, Guru, Self are now the doer) ‘but I am still the experiencer’. This may be the most popular form of half-surrender. It cannot be that the doer and the experiencer are two. It must be that ‘You are the doer and You are also the experiencer’…, as it is said in the scriptures in India ‘Tvam Karta, Tvam Bhogta’.

So this is one form of surrender, where we say to God ‘Yes, I leave everything to You, but please make sure that I’m well taken care of’. You see? So, that is more like a business deal rather than surrender. It must be that ‘I leave everything to you. Do with me as You please. Let Thy will be done’. It is not a way to get my will to be done to say that I am offering up everything to You as a way of getting my will to be done. So, ‘Let Thy will be done’.

So, this is one version; where we say that ‘You are the doer, but make sure my experience is a certain way, the way that I want it to be’. This many times, (at least we used to hear in satsang), somebody would say ‘But I surrendered everything to you; but now look at my life!’ [Chuckles] Yes. But it’s no longer your life because you surrendered everything, isn’t it?

Then, the other variety is where ‘All the good things, I’m still doing. All the bad things, God is doing to me’. You see? [Chuckles] This happened where we’re attracted to pride in some way, so everything good that is happening is ‘Oh, I worked so hard and got this done. But why did you have to do this to me, God? Everything was going so well’. So, all the blame is God’s and all the credit is yours; quote-unquote ‘yours’. That is one version.

The other one is, those who are attracted to guilt and unworthiness, they will take on ALL the blame. All the blame will be theirs, and all the credit goes to the world or to God or to Guru. You see, even that is not…, even that is half-surrender. Because otherwise then we retain this guilty, victim mind-set.

So, all these variations, (and there could be a few more, but these are the main ones, I feel)…, ‘You are the doer and You are the experiencer: Let Thy will be done. All actions are Yours. All in-action is also Yours. Every single movement of a blade of grass is Yours. Every emotion is Yours. Every sensation is Yours’.

So, the end of this presumed ‘me’, the presumed ego, is through this inquiring and checking that it doesn’t exist, and to come to recognition of who we are. And the surrendering of all we have presumed about ourself and handing it over to the higher power, to the God-Presence. Both are the same, because we’re not picking up anything; any attribute, any conditions. And ‘I Am’ remains un-associated.

And both the legs of the ego, desire and doership, are also dissolved in this surrender. What desire can you have now? Because your entire life belongs to your Master. And the prayer already is that ‘Let Thy will be done. May You be the doer of all actions and in-actions that happen through this body’.

Then what happens? Then we say that ‘Actually surrender was just a play, because I see that it was always this way anyway. There never was a ‘me’ that was doing anything at all. It was always You, my Lord (or my Master). Always You’.

I said earlier that ‘God is not waiting for your surrender’. He’s not sitting waiting over there in the corner for the tag-team to come…, ‘Okay, Yours now’. [Laughs] God is already running this life and experiencing this life. God is not waiting for your surrender to run your life; it is already so. It is only the false-presumption that is taken away in this surrender. You see? And once you start to truly surrender, truly become open…, (because openness IS surrender), then you see ‘It has always been so. It is this Consciousness, this God-Presence, which has been the only doer and the only experiencer here.

That is why it is said that the path of inquiry and surrender are ultimately one; because the finding is the same.

You know, here how it was, was a very fickle personality operating. Some days, very, very bhakti oriented; just wanted to sing and sing bhajans. And other days, just wanted to inquire and say ‘What is this bhajan stuff?’ You see, it was just fluctuating. [Chuckles] And even that is fine.

There is no set template for freedom. It is only a response to your inner urge of coming home; of self-recognition, of not playing ‘as if’ you are separate anymore. And really, there are no rules for this game. It’s just that the Masters have, in their beautiful compassion, suggested some things so that it can seem more peaceful, joyful; this seeming-journey.

And it is inevitable, this recognition of the Self, this coming home. Inevitable, because actually you never really left anyway. But it’s a beautiful ride, when you get on the Guru’s back and let him do all the work, you see. [Smiles]

Q: Actually, I was seeing one of Rupert [Spira]’s videos. There he was also talking about this knowing of Knowing. So, there what happened; the questioner asked that ‘How can we know this? What are the qualities of this Knowing?’ He [Rupert] said that ‘I will give a very bad example. There is only peace and contentment’. It is not the clear example; that is the closest he can go. So, is that it?

A: I don’t want to say that, (although I love Rupert also; there’s no dichotomy there), but I wouldn’t say that. Because this Knowingness, this Awareness…, to put an attribute to this…, I would say that ‘As my Being comes to a place of un-association with any conditioning, there is bound to be love, peace, joy, contentment; all these things. But This that Knows even the presence and absence of Being, even the waking and sleep state, This I would not attach any attribute to.

You can say that; no harm in it. But usually I would not say ‘This which is attribute-less, because it’s untouched with the appearance of grief or suffering or sorrow; This Knowing remains untouched’. And this Knowing of Knowingness is not new. (Okay, it’s going to get a little bit subtle here).

It is not that Knowingness forgot itself; and therefore when Knowingness remembers itself some peace and contentment should come. I would not agree to that. Because Knowingness is always Knowing Itself. There’s been no break in that. It is in dynamic form, as Being, as Consciousness, it has been playing, pretending to be this non-existent, presumed ‘person’. And when Being is coming to the recognition of its own Source, peace and contentment come. But in all of this, Knowingness has always known itself.

How can Knowingness not Know itself?

Knowingness is Knowing.

You see? How do I say these things? [Chuckles] So, it cannot be that Knowing Knowing Itself has some energetic by-products. I would more say that Being coming to the recognition of its Source, (which also, in effect, means that Being is made up of Knowing Itself). But Being has the power of belief. Being has the power of pretending to be a person; and the power to recognize where it comes from; and it is the un-association of this Being with personal attributes and moving to the Universal Being which then lead to these by-products of love, peace, joy, devotion.

[Silence]

Okay, let’s look at it this way. Is it possible for you to forget what Knowing means? This Knowing; this direct Knowing?

Q: It’s not possible.

A: It’s not possible. So, how can Knowing forget Itself? [Silence]

Q: Just, there is Knowing. That is all you can say.

A: Exactly. Exactly. And there’s a Knowing of this. There is a Knowing which is Knowing, and this is Knowing Knowing Itself. And this Knowing never went away anywhere. It has always been this way.

Q: I think the main, my trouble is, that this Knowing is Me.

A: That this Knowing is You.

Q: Yeah. That is not established.

A: Okay. So, let’s look at it the other way. If it is not You, then who is it? [Silence] How does this Knowing connect to you? Because you’re able to report on this Knowing. And you also feel like it’s not You. So, there must be a way for this Knowing to connect to you so that you’re reporting on it. Can you find such a mechanism? Can you find a place where you are…, but the Knowing is not? Or the Knowing is…, but you are not? Can you find some separation? [Silence]

Q: There is a Knowing of me. There is a knowing of me.

A: What do you mean by ‘me’?

Q: This body identity.

A: What is more intimate for you; this Knowing or this body identity? [Silence] Does this Knowing come and go? Or does this body identity come and go? [Silence]

Q: I’ve never experienced the absence of this body, though.

A: What about sleep last night? Did you sleep? [Chuckles]

Q: You know, about that, the mind comes and says ‘It is passed’ and all that. ‘We have done it previously’.

A: [Chuckles] Let me not talk to your mind. What is your experience? If I ask you what time you woke up, you will be able to give me a time, isn’t it? So, there was something that shifted and is aware of the shift. [Silence] Don’t be so nice to your mind. [Chuckles] ‘Oh, the mind comes and says…’ Let it say what it wants. You stay with your experience.

So, this Knowingness, at what distance is it from you?

Q: No distance.

A: No distance. So that which has no distance and has no separation from I, must be I.

Isn’t it? We don’t have to force this concept. Look for that which could be I besides this? Besides this Knowingness, which I could you be?

You say that the body identification is there. But you say there is a Knowing of this body identification, therefore this Knowingness must be greater, must be prior. It must be perceived, this body identification. This Knowingness is not perceived. It is just Knowing by Itself.

All of us must be able to ask this question: How do I Know of this Knowingness? How am I aware of this Awareness? [Silence]

The only trouble is that we’re used to phenomenal discoveries. We’re used to seeing things and saying ‘Eureka, there it is!’ or ‘This is it!’ This what we are finding does not have any phenomenal attributes. There’s nothing where the mind can justify it and say ‘Yes, you saw it!’ It is deeper, more primal than that; it is simpler than that.

So, we’ve been looking for the Self as an object. But that itself cannot be, isn’t it? Because if the Self what an entity, then what would be the subject of that?

This simple Awareness, this simple Knowingness is the substratum.

Everything is made up of this.

[Silence]

It is not even an experience, you see?

[Silence]

It is impossible to forget.

Impossible to remember, because it is not an object of memory.

It cannot be taught; it cannot be learned.

It cannot become less or more.

It cannot come and go.

[Silence]

It cannot separate from I.

Because I is That.

I Am That.

[Silence]

Everything else is coming and going within This.
But this Awareness, this Knowingness, does not come and go.

[Silence]

See? Simpler than simple. Even to say ‘I know nothing’ needs this Knowingness.

Q: While going through all the guided meditations and all, I still think the Knowing of Knowing is not clear. The Knowing of Knowing …

A: This is very good. So, you say that I have been through some of the guided meditations, and this point about the Knowing of the Knowing or the Knowingness of the Knowingness itself is not very clear. I am very happy to look at this. But actually it is simpler than anything we can think about. So, first just know it is very simple, it is not some hard work you have to do. So just that innocence of a child. And when I say are you aware now?

Q: Father, that one, you know, the answer doesn’t come out. There is some peace, there is some contentment, but I don’t know about that. I am more comfortable with Knowing of Knowing rather than are you aware now.

A: It’s the same thing. [Laughs] It’s the same thing. To say that ‘I am uncomfortable with this or more comfortable with this’ you must be aware of this. Isn’t it? You Know this.

Q: Yes, yes.

A: So, very slowly, we can zero down on this point, so you say ‘Yes, I know this. There is a knowing of this’. Now this Knowing, what is this Knowing? You see, that is what we are looking at. What do we mean by Knowing? Why do we use the word Knowing instead of using the word walking, talking, hearing? Because it conveys something. This Knowing, which is interchangeable with Awareness…, so, don’t let your mind be ruling in such a way where it can say ‘But this is confusing’. It’s the same thing. This Knowing; who knows what this Knowing means? You say ‘I am more comfortable with the Knowing’. Therefore you know what Knowing means. Do you know what Knowing means?

Q: I know everything what is happening, I know. There is no doubt in that.

A: Yes. You Know. You see? You don’t hear, you don’t walk, you don’t talk. You say ‘I Know what is happening’. Therefore, you know the meaning of ‘know’. To know something, you know what that means.

Q: The Knowing of sensory knowing. The Knowing of sensory knowing right?

A: Yes, yes, yes. The knowing ‘of’…, (the ‘of’ part, if you keep it aside)…, if I ask you ‘What do you mean by knowing of?’ What does it mean ‘knowing of’?

Q: Again. There is some experience of peace, some currents happening in the body. That’s where I am stuck, I guess.

A: Yes. No, you are not stuck. The peace is coming; but you are not saying the peace of, you are not saying the joy of, you are saying the Knowing of something. You see? So, you are using the word ‘Knowing’. You must know what it means.

Q: Yes. I know how it feels like.

A: How does knowing feel? [Chuckles]. This is very good. Don’t get disheartened. For the mind it’s very crazy, but don’t get disheartened. This is very good. How does knowing feel?

Q: I guess the more attention goes to what is happening in the body, rather than the experience.

A: Yes, but this is also known, isn’t it? I am purposely not using the word ‘Awareness’. You are saying that ‘Even this movement of attention is also known’. Is it not?

And if some of you are new to satsang, just to make it clear that when I am speaking of Knowing right now, I am not talking about the conceptual or mental knowing. The knowing of a concept is not the Knowing we are talking about. This Knowing is the primal Knowing which is synonymous with Awareness itself. [Pause].

Don’t expect to find anything phenomenal. You will not find anything phenomenal; and yet you cannot miss this which is not phenomenal. It’s simpler than this. You say that ‘My attention is going there’. And I said ‘This is also Known, isn’t it?’ Otherwise, why would you say it, if it was not known?

Q: The one who Knows it is not clear.

A: Yes, but it’s not you? The movement of attention is not Known by You?

Q: When you say ‘You’…, immediately the identity comes in.

A: [Laughs] Yes, but even that is Known by who?

Okay, let’s put it this way. The movement of attention; that attention is going here and there, is it your direct experience or someone is telling you this is happening?

Q: It is direct.

A: It is direct. Very good, very good. You see? So, the Knowing of this direct experience must be there for you to be able to report it.

Q: Yes.

A: Yes, yes, and you Know that this Knowing is there. (Don’t worry about what this ‘you’ is or what it looks like.) Even to say that ‘There is a Knowing of this direct experience’ is your direct experience. You are not making it up; or nobody else is telling you this.

Q: Yes, all this is direct experience.

A: All this is direct experience. So, there is a Knowing of this Knowing. That’s what we are talking about. I am not saying ‘You know it’ because if I say ‘you’ then you will again say ‘Oh, this sense of identity is coming up’. [Laughs]. There is no identity here.

Q: Often there is…, Moojiji also uses terms like ‘shift of attention’. The shift ‘Silence, deep silence’. Shift of attention…, I don’t see any shift.

A: Yes, but the fact that even in your reporting this, it means that you are there to see the movement of attention, isn’t it?

We are trying to find who is this ‘I’ that can watch even the shift of attention?

So, for a minute, let’s forget about any prerequisites; what must happen; what must not happen. For a minute we can forget about all that.

Right now, the movement of attention is Known by you…, not mentally, but it is directly experienced.

And that it is directly experienced, is your direct experience.

To the mind these words are pure gibberish; I know this. But I hope some of you are able to follow along because we have demystified all these terms, you see.

That is why the fundamentals of satsang is very important where we really demystified all the concepts, so when I am saying ‘Awareness’ or ‘Knowingness’ then we are not running to the concepts of these things but just to the experience of these things.

You know there is something called ‘attention’. Isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A: So, you know that there is a Knowing of this attention.

Q: Yes, I Know. There is movement of attention and it goes here and there.

A: Yes, yes.

There are two counters in front of you. One counter is selling tickets to the same old merry-go-round; which is your next thought, is your ticket to this merry-go-round. It’s saying ‘Yeah, yeah this one, I am still meaningful, relevant. You can make it as a person’. You see, every thought is an offer for you to make it as a person. ‘We can still make it. I have worked so hard to get this far; a little more and you can still do it’. Every thought is basically an offer from the mind. ‘I know, I know, I have taken you on a merry-go-round. Ananta is right in what he is saying, but you know, take this one. It will really get you there’. [Laughs]. So this is the offer from one counter, the merry-go-round, which is the same merry-go-round. We go round in circles and come back at the same point.

The second counter which is the quieter counter, where the vendor is not yelling, saying ‘Come, come buy, you see. Just sitting patiently waiting for those who come. And this one is saying that ‘All your ideas, presumptions…, are you willing to let go of them? Because I have a mirror for you. Are you willing to see without mind contamination?’ And this gentle voice is saying that ‘I know what it seems like for you, but you can actually now let it all be my problem’. This is the ticket from your own inner Presence. Your own Satguru is speaking these words.

And for a while it can seem like, [Chuckles], we want both; have the merry-go-round and have freedom, liberation. We buy little bit from here, little bit from there. Mind comes and sells you that ‘Okay, okay, this is okay for satsang, but what about the real world?’ You see? So these kind of messages will come. And you find ‘Let me buy the real world ticket now and see where it goes’. And you find nowhere; it just goes round the merry-go-round again and you are back where you started. You see?

So, the seeming spiritual journey is like this when we are trying to sit on both these chairs at the same time, ride both these horses at the same time, buying both these tickets. And that’s okay, that’s also part of the play. [Pause]

Then sometimes we become like little children. We get in the Guru’s car and then we are everyday saying ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’ [Chuckles] Like Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] used to say ‘No, we got on our train from Madurai or Tiru (or something) and inside the train also you are still carrying your bags’. As Guruji [Mooji] says, you go to the flight and inside the plane you are running to get there faster.

All part of the fun, it’s okay. None of what I am saying is to make anyone feel guilty. Guilt is not helpful on this path. We are just looking at this play sometimes and making some observations about it.

You know, one day if you want to become like Satsang teachers and spiritual masters, (I should not give you this)…, when you want a million followers, if you want a million followers, just use guilt. Just make everyone feel guilty. Because we are attracted somewhere, most of us are attracted somewhere, to feeling like we have done it wrong, we are unworthy, we don’t deserve it. That itself is like a comfort zone. And actually we like to hear that and feel like ‘Yes, tomorrow we will try harder. Tomorrow I will do this better’. You see?

So none of what is being shared here is to make a follower out of you. It is just to see…, to share from the direct recognition here, so that you can check for yourself and see if something resonates. The idea is not to say for you to believe these thoughts which might be coming saying ‘Oh, see now, you have been surrendering all wrong. You should do a better job of your surrender’. That’s not the idea.

[Silence and looking at us in Love]

The ego has two very strong legs. (Not very strong, but seemingly strong legs.) Two ‘D’s. First we know very well, which is ‘Doer-ship’. But maybe the stronger one is this ‘Desire’.

What is desire? Basically, the mantra of the ego is ‘What’s in it for me?’ It comes into every situation in life saying ‘Okay, what’s in it for me?’ This catering to a ‘me’ which is basically non-existent; we cannot find the ‘me’ but we continue to cater to it.

In one of the silent intensives, we invented this guy called ‘Rajan’. We said that we hear this voice which says ‘This is what you must have for lunch. This is what your next one hour must be. This is what you must find’. We hear this voice, through our thoughts, through our mind. And we said ‘Okay, let’s call that Rajan’s voice’. Rajan; we just gave it a name. I don’t know why that name came, ‘Rajan’. [Chuckles] This is Rajan’s voice and Rajan is saying ‘Do this, do that; don’t do this, don’t do that; say this, don’t say that’. But the prime motivation is to cater to this one. So the ‘What’s in it for me?’ is catering, (for most of humanity), to this one that we cannot really find.

So, we’ve gone from place to place, thing to thing, money, relationship, body; we keep searching, and in the same way we search for something called freedom. So, even freedom is about ‘What’s in it for me?’…, ‘Because I have heard that the final bliss or the final joy or the final happiness will come once I get something called freedom. I’ve tried all the other things, (mostly)’. Those who come to satsang usually have tried a lot of things, and they come this way, saying ‘Okay, this doesn’t do it. This doesn’t do it. This doesn’t do it’…, ‘I thought money would make me happy. It doesn’t’…, ‘I thought to get the perfect partner, (man or woman), would make me really happy. It doesn’t’…, ‘I thought that keeping the body really healthy would make me happy. It doesn’t’. This thing…, which is unfulfilled. Then we’ve heard in books and other teachers say ‘Find freedom, and that is your amrit; your final bowl of bliss, never-ending nectar of immortality’. But even this is motivated by ‘What’s in it for me?’

Now, what happens is that in satsang here, which is so direct, we look for this ‘me’. We look for this ‘me’…, who is this ‘me’? All the evidence we have for this ‘me’ is this voice saying ‘This is what I want. This is when I’ll be happy. I’m almost there. I’m getting there. I’m making progress’. It keeps reporting, (this voice).

Now, with a little bit of investigation, it becomes quite clear that there is nobody like this here. It is just represented by this ‘lawyer’ but we cannot find the ‘client’. So, the voice is saying whatever the voice is saying, we hear this; but who is it representing? That we cannot find.

And it has some very simple answers. So, it will say ‘Oh, but it is the body, actually. It is the body’. Bodies are unconcerned with how much money is there in our bank account, isn’t it? Our body is unconcerned with the fight I had with the neighbor or my manager at work. You see? The body is not concerned about that. Body is not concerned with the quality of relationships.

So, who is this one that is concerned? That is the one we looked for. And very quickly, most of us find that it is just fiction; it is just imagination. So, then this impulse to cater to this ‘me’ sort of lightens; it’s not so heavy. We meet life as it is then. We’re not meeting situations saying ‘Okay, what am I learning here? What’s in it for me?’ The base, the presumption itself, we started to question…, that there is an individual ‘me’ here.

That is the first aspect. But even when that happens, when we start to question the existence of this ‘Rajan’, very quickly, this other leg kicks in. ‘So, what should I do now? What should I do? What should I do?’ I feel this is the second maha-mantra of the ego. After ‘What’s in it for me?’ it is ‘What should I do? What should I do?’ Doer-ship. We cannot find this ‘me’, we cannot find the doer, but it still wants to know ‘What should I do?’

These two; the ‘What’s in it for me?’ being desire, (and the lighter form being expectation); and the second being ‘Doer-ship’. This is how the ego is kept alive.

So, suppose the impossible happened? The impossible happened and you lost the ‘I’. Huh? [Chuckles] You, you lost the ‘I’. And then you started looking for this ‘I’. Where would you start? Where would start looking for this ‘I’? Right here, isn’t it?

So when we search right here, what is it that we find?

It’s so simple actually; it’s too simple. The struggle is because it is so simple. Hmm?

When we look here, what do we find? We find that there is a realm of appearances and also there is a looking. There is all that appears, and also there is an Awareness of that. Hmm?

And all that appears, also is ultimately seen to be not separate from that which is aware of it. This is true for all of us. Hmm?

Right now, who can say the appearances are not appearing? Can someone say? No one can say? Therefore in that itself, you are saying that ‘I am aware of these appearances’. You see?

Now the only confusion that happens seemingly, is that one of the appearances…, it seems so intimate.

Let’s say one, let’s call the body-mind construct one appearance. This body-mind construct seems so intimate that we started to feel that we are this appearance, this appearance. But in reality, nothing changed. You continued only to be aware of it. You see?

Just like the ocean found the waves so pristine, so beautiful. And as this wave, seemingly forgetting that it is the entire ocean; in the same way this tiny blip of appearances has been compelling.

And there has been this belief that ‘I must be a part of this appearance’. And all it needs is belief. It is only this voice in the head. You see?

Nothing else is saying ‘You are just a body. You are just a thought. You are just an emotion’ except this one appearance, that we call the mind. [Silence]

Have we seen this? Do we see this, like this? Everything is just what it Is…, appearing and dissolving, appearing and dissolving, coming and going. [Silence]

And yet, do we even say that everything is coming and going? Who can say that? To say that ‘Everything in this world of appearances is constantly changing, is coming and going…, even the world is coming and going…, even the waking state is coming and going, the sleep state is coming and going, dreams are coming and going’…, who can say that?

If you are an object within one these states, would it possible for you to say that ‘This state is coming and going’? [Silence] See, not possible is it?

If you were just [Inaudible], then would you notice the coming and going of the dream? If you were just this body, in this state, would you know the coming and going of this waking state?

You see? You could not. So there is something that Knows that every appearance is coming and going. You see? Not as a concept but from direct experience. ‘I went to sleep, I had a dream, I woke up’. [Chuckles]

I read a quote today after [Inaudible]. (It sounds a bit crazy but it was my quote). [Chuckling] But I enjoyed it a lot.

I said, [Chuckling] I said, ‘Why don’t we say that…, why do we say that I am aware, this body’s aware or this chair is aware or this tree is aware’?  You see?

What is this ‘I’ [Silence] that is aware?

[Silence]

I know you’re jaded with this question. [Chuckles] I know you’re a bit jaded with this question; maybe I’ll change the language as we go along. [Chuckles] Huh?

But when we say ‘I am aware’ which I are we truly talking about? Is it just a presumed I? An idea of I? Are you just an idea?

When we say ‘I am aware’…, when we look for the ‘I Am’ are you still grappling for who you are? An idea will not help you. You see?

A label will not help you, fancy label as it might be, Awareness or Consciousness. Hmm? They don’t help. It is the recognition of this and the letting go of the false.

[Silence]

So the minute we say ‘Who is aware?’ the mind will come and say ‘Yes I know, it is Awareness’.  What is the big deal in that? [Chuckles] Hmm? This answer is worthless. You see?

So what is important?

Who is aware? [Silence] Who is it that is aware?

And as you ask this question, don’t resist anything; don’t try to block anything out. [Silence] You see?

So there will be a perceiving of sounds. There will be a perceiving of sensations. And who is aware even of this perceiving?

[Silence]

I have a one-two punch, in response to the ego’s one-two punch. [Chuckles] Now, our response to the ego is one-two punch. And you all know this.

So the first punch is ‘Are you aware now?’ You know, because you know this? At the core of you’re being, you know you are aware!

The mind might resist and come and say ‘Say no, say no’, but very rarely and only in very rarely and only in varied states does someone come and say ‘No, I am not aware’. You see?

If they really understood the question, then to be able to even say ‘No, I am unaware’, there must be an awareness that ‘I am unaware’. Isn’t it? You cannot escape it. [Silence] It is inescapable.

Are you aware now? [Silence] Unmistakably and undeniably you are. You see?

And who is aware of this? Who is aware of this Awareness? Who knows the meaning of Awareness? Hmm? Not the definition; not the dictionary meaning.

Who knows what it means to be aware? Why do you say ‘aware’ and not ‘I’m smelling’ or ‘I am tasting’? [Inaudible] this aware?

And this is where the mind will come and protest. You see? And say ‘but now, now is when it get too mind-y for me’. You see? This is where it’s the end of the mind; the mind comes and says ‘but now it becomes too mental for me’. [Chuckles] ‘Oh it’s just too mental’.

It is not mental at all. I am not asking you for a thought about something. It is just because something feels lost, and it tries to get some imminence again, so it uses the resistance of these words ‘Oh, it becomes too mental here’. [Silence] The mind cannot reach this.

Are you aware now? [Silence] How do you know this Awareness? What does it look like? What does it feel like? What does it taste like?

[Silence]

The mind cannot help you. Because the question is too simple.

[Silence]

Who does this Awareness belong to?

[Silence]

You can ask about anything. If a visual is coming, dark space, ask ‘Who is it appearing to? Who is aware of the dark space?’ because you don’t have an answer. It is very important not to have an answer first.

[Silence]

Who is aware of the space between your thoughts?

[Silence]

Who is aware of the sense that ‘I exist, I Am’?

[Silence]

Is Awareness phenomenal or non-phenomenal?

[Long silence]

Allow the movement of your attention to go wherever it likes. Don’t resist anything.

[Silence]

Now just by what comes of looking, find out the color of this attention. Not the color of the object, but the color of the attention Itself.

[Long silence]

Play with your attention. Send it to the most distant sound…, the farthest thing that you can hear…, bring your attention to that. [Silence]

And now bring your attention to the beating of your heart.

[Silence]

Very easily you are able to move your attention. But what is this attention? Does it have a weight? Does it have a size, a color? [Silence] Just look.

[Silence]

You will find that this attention is colorless. [Silence]

Now find the color of the one that is looking at your attention. [Silence]

You are aware of your attention, which is colorless. What is the color of the one who is aware of it?

[Silence]

Is this Awareness black or white? Unlimited space or smaller than an atom? All of these visuals can come, but who is aware of them?

[Long silence]

As you are coming to this direct Self-recognition, the mind will try to lure you away. Don’t fight the mind. Allow it to come and to go. Remain open. Remain empty.

[Silence]

Don’t be concerned with the movement of your attention. Ask instead ‘Who is aware of this attention?’ [Silence]

Let go of all sense of control. All sense of effort. [Silence] There is no right or wrong way to do this. [Silence]

Because it is not a doing at all; it is what you already are.

[Silence]

Allow everything; remain open.

[Silence]

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.

A: Actually, every moment is the end of it. Isn’t it?

Q: [Nodding Affirmatively]

A: NOW is the end of it. Unless we pick it up [Chuckles] and then it’s the end of it. We’re just tired of this game now. And we’re now coming to this place of stopping or stopping to try also. Because individuality, personality, ego, basically has to be picked up. It is not natural. Is it?

Q: No. And I’ve found that it usually is accompanied with some kind of…, (in fact, I would say my experience, is always…, but like with a varying kind of care), degree of obviousness or sensitivity or something. It’s like, there’s always some kind of constriction, like a vibration that’s not rooted in an openness. It’s always got some kind of like conditional….

A: Tightness?

Q: Tightness, yeah. And so it seems like as fast as the thoughts dropped or the belief is not given then suddenly the attention just falls upon the actual accompanying vibration that’s there and then that’s allowed.

A: Yes.

Q: So, I guess it’s just this sometimes; just for example: Inquiry. Nobody here. And it doesn’t feel like there’s an ‘I’ that’s found that there’s nobody here anymore. It’s just a knowing and it’s a kind of recognition that…, (I think you talk about this), the Awareness has the capacity and the intelligence to recognize that there’s nobody’s here, without creating a ‘somebody’ to say there’s nobody here.

A: Yes. Good.

Q: But then there could come a thought like ‘Oh, how did I ever believe that there was somebody here?’ And that one does belong to a ‘somebody’ and it’s like there’s always a potential of that. So, I guess like…, just really open, (well not really even open)…

A: Yes, yes. What is also very good is to see that. Because when you See that there’s nobody here, then you find that it is Known.

Now because the discovery is that there is nobody here, there can be a bit of a resistance to saying ‘I know this’. You see?

Q: Yes. That was it exactly.

A: Because what is found is there is nobody here and the minute I say ‘I know this’, then I’m creating a ‘somebody’ again. But this is not True, ultimately. You see?

Q: Yeah. It comes with a kind of wariness to sound arrogant; to say to somebody, (and also like in the Sangha, to say), ‘Yeah, I found that there’s nobody here’ feels like ‘Oh, God’. You know?

A: Yes. [Chuckles] ‘There’s their spiritual ego’.

Q: Yeah, exactly.

A: But sometimes it can come from this place of not wanting to seem special. Sometimes it’s also the fear of not wanting to sound inaccurate or something. You see?

Because when you just say that there is nobody here, and the next sentence is that ‘I found’…, [Chuckles] it sounds like you’re contradicting yourself. So it just sounds…, it can be anywhere on the scale of ‘fear of being arrogant’ or ‘being seen as spiritual ego’. Any of that can be there.

But the fact is that THIS that is Aware is ‘I’. It’s just that we’ve been mis-using ‘I’ for so long; as if it was an appearance in this play. That’s why now to give it the right pointer, to give it the right label, seems to have attached to it either arrogance or spiritual ego.

But, it is ‘I’ which is Aware. Just it’s not this ‘I’ which we’ve been using ‘I’ for in the past. You see?

We’ve used it for the body-mind, we’ve used it for the ego for so long that now when we say ‘I’ it means for many, (especially in Advaita), it seems to imply ego. But actually, the whole point of Advaita is to move the ‘I’ from there to the reality of what it IS. You see? That is why it is the Self!

Q: Like, um…, [Silence]

A: As you contemplate the question, something’s coming up to say…,

Q: Something’s coming, something’s coming…, sorry.

A: The whole distinction, (not the whole distinction, but)…, a big part of the distinction between Vedanta, traditional Advaita Vedanta, and Buddhism was this. Where Buddha said that ‘There is no self.’ The No-self. And the Self became then a label for the ego. So ‘There is no self’ implied that ‘There is no ego’ or ‘There is no individual’.

And then Adi Shankara, he actually said that ‘This no-self, what you call the no-self, there is individuality in that’. It’s not even phenomenal. Although phenomena is an aspect of it. But it, by itself, IS the Self. You see? So, the instant we say ‘Self’ it implies ‘I’…, the real ‘I’.

See, the problem is not just semantic, or otherwise I would have just left it. The reason why I have been emphasizing it is because it becomes like, when we have these self-inquiry experiences, these experiences in self-inquiry, many times the mind will offer you a thought like ‘Yes. I saw. I saw Awareness now’. You see? Or ‘I’ …, and we bring the personal ‘I’ back, in that sense, and it makes Awareness an experience or the product of some self-inquiry.

And it might try and maintain a distinction between ‘I’ and Awareness because it wants it to seem that ‘I am Awareness’.  Which means it’s pretty much ‘game over’. You see?

So, even in that, it tries to create a distinction and says ‘Yes, yes. I had a very nice experience of Awareness and I saw nothing is happening to Awareness. But how does that help me in my day to day life?’ So this ‘me’…, it created a distinction and then again the false me was given some belief.

That is why it is important to see that it is ‘I’ that is Aware. Just not in the way we have been using the ‘I’…, but in Reality it is ‘I’.

There is only ‘I’.

I am That.

You see?

It is not ‘That is That’.

It is ‘I Am That’.

As we get comfortable, (not conceptually), but comfortable with this emptiness, with this no-thingness being I, we must audit this for ourselves. Are we comfortable with this emptiness, no-thingness, non-phenomenal ‘I’? And as you get comfortable with this, then the urge to pick up the false ‘I’ will not be so compelling, so strong.

Otherwise, many times we see we have a recognition of it. And many times, because it might even be fear more than arrogance that we rush to pick up a ‘I’…, to call Awareness ‘I’. So, we pick up the false identity, presuming that to refer to ourself as ‘I’ is arrogant. But actually, to refer to ourself as anything other than ‘I’ is arrogance; that there was some individual here which had the power to separate, really separate itself.

All of us should contemplate a little bit on this and why it feels like ‘I am Awareness’ would be arrogance. Because Awareness is attribute-less. How could Awareness be arrogant?

Q: I think it’s because there’s maybe some historic association between making the statement ‘I can clearly see I am Awareness’ …, like that somehow equates to…, saying that also means that I’m saying ‘I am free of all conditioning’ basically.

A: It’s not true.

Q: And so it seems kind of paradoxical to sincerely say that. I think this is what it is. I think it’s a fear where I might say to somebody…, (so, say, if I’m speaking to somebody about seeker identity), ‘Clear. You can see right now ‘Who is the seeker?’ and therefore the seeker also doesn’t exist and if the seeker doesn’t exist, (which can be Seen), then what’s left to do? What are you waiting for?’ And this type of thing. And then five-minutes later, to get angry because somebody’s moved something that I left there, or eaten something that I just…, or whatever it is.

A: [Laughing]

Q: You know what I mean?

A: The roommate? [Chuckles]

Q: Or even to get annoyed with a rickshaw driver, (anything like that), seems like ‘Oh, no, hang on a minute, I thought you said you were Awareness?’ and ‘Who’s…?’

I think it’s that. Just want to be honest. I just want it to be, (if I make a statement like that), to be consistent or something like that. I think that’s maybe what it is.

A: Yes, yes. Do you want to see how Awareness operates in the world, in its dynamic aspect? [Chuckles] Just look at your life. [Chuckles] The idea is that ‘I am operating from a space of imperfection’ but this is all there is; it’s all about You. This is how Awareness is running its life. The play of Consciousness is the play of Awareness. There is no other perfection, but just This.  [Chuckles]

These mental benchmarks; even that is part of the complete perfection of this play. To say that ‘Okay, I said that I’m Awareness. I’m not seeking anymore’. And I’m telling you ‘Why didn’t you clean your plate?’ [Chuckles]  Yes. That’s the play of the same…, the ONE that is playing. It doesn’t have to express itself in a special form. Um? [Silence]

Although having said that, many times this can become like an Advaita excuse for bad behavior. So, I want to make that point also. Learn to smell whether something is coming from a space of individuality or not. And then let go. Then all the tools, all the pointings, everything is available. So those are just opportunities now. Rather than beating yourself up about them, and then saying ‘I’ve created such a nice enlightened self-image and just five-minutes later; my anger!’ You see? It’s ‘my’ anger!  [Laughing]

So then when we start presenting ourselves for these things; when we start instead looking at them as opportunities; and saying ‘Conditioning still plays here’. But it doesn’t touch the Truth in any way’. And yet, in this play, conditioning is a very seemingly-vibrant force. Isn’t it?

Then we just meet the moment as it is. Openly. When we create ideas about how the one that is free or liberated should be, then it creates a lot of trouble. You see? And that is why it’s good news when we look back at the lives of all the Sages, you’ll find that everyone had a different expression. There’s no constant thing you can say about them.

We have Sages in India who have cursed entire lineages. You’ve heard of the stories of Parshuram and all that, who’ve destroyed entire lineages of Gods and entire lineages of people in this realm. We had Sages who…, one time a King or someone looked at his wife and he cursed her to stay and to remain like a stone for hundreds of years. Is that enlightened behavior? [Chuckling] You see? So again, it was quoted later that ‘Oh, it was…. something’. But it’s just showing you. For me they’re encouraging stories to show that in the play, appearances still come; anger can still come, lust can…,

Q: So, I had anger…, [Laughing]

A: [Laughing]

Q: I’ve never cursed anyone to be destroyed. [Laughing]

A: [Inaudible] You see? [Laughing] So, all these things can still come. There are so many in the Sangha can keep beating themselves up. ‘If I’m free, then why do I still feel desire or lust?’ It’s okay. You see?

It is the second punch of guilt which is this ‘Why am I like this? Why am I like this? When will this go? Why am I not free?’ which reinforces the false sense of ‘I’. But just in the normal day to day flow of life, all these energetic sensations can come and they can go.

But most importantly, I feel, is the opportunity to see whether we are attached to some form of a self-image. We want to be seen as someone who is free or who is not seeking anymore or something. We see there is something that is also seeking then, isn’t it? That’s why life keeps giving us these opportunities. And this continues.

If there’s anyone that comes and says ‘In my life now, there is no more insight, there is nothing more that life shows me which allows me to look deeper’ then I’d be very skeptical about these words. Because at least the experience here is that it is constant fresh insight, fresh expression. I don’t feel that the waking state would come up if this potential for a deepening, this potential for a fresh insight was no longer there.

A: [Reads from chat] Anna says ‘Anantaji, in the contemplation, I’m conscious of the Awareness. While in deep sleep, I can’t say I’m conscious of the Awareness. I’m stuck in this. Could you help me understand this? Thank you’.

Yes, my dear. Let’s look together. Maybe it is just a question of terms and how we are using them; that whatever we report about deep sleep, whether we say there is something there or nothing there…, the usual one is to say that there is really nothing there in sleep state. Isn’t it? We say ‘There’s nothing in sleep state’.

Now, the Knowing that there is no phenomenal thing in sleep state, this Knowing-ness Itself is what I call Awareness.

So, this which has no attribute…, you cannot even call it a Presence actually, it is before ‘I Am’…., and yet we are aware that there is something called sleep. It’s not like we’re going from waking-to-dream from dream-to-waking and there is no Knowing of something called sleep state. We say that ‘I went to sleep and I woke up’. So there is a Knowing-ness of this. And we say ‘What was sleep like? Oh, there was nothing there. There is nothing I can report on sleep state’…, which means that there is a Knowing-ness or an Awareness that there was nothing; no phenomena, no phenomenal experience including that which we call ‘Being’ or ‘I Am’.

So, I would call this Awareness of nothing.

Then what happened? Then we say ‘I woke up at 7:30’. So, what happened at 7:30 that we say that ‘I woke up’? Did something change for this Awareness? We find that Awareness remained unchanged. Awareness remained unchanged, but there was now this Presence of Being, this ‘I Am-ness’ was there. ‘I exist’. This sense came into existence with that which we call the waking state. (Or…, actually, the waking state is IN that. But let’s not confuse ourself with that.)

So, this ‘I Am-ness’ is now here, the sense that ‘I exist’. This is what I usually refer to. We say ‘Now there is an Awareness of Consciousness. And in sleep state there was just Awareness’.

So, maybe the simplest explanation could be that we are exchanging the terms. Maybe the way you’re using ‘Consciousness’ I refer to that as ‘Awareness’.

We can look. So, if you have found something in your experience that was not in resonance with what I just shared about this, you can ask, and we can look further into that.

It would be good to examine some of the terms that we speak about; and examine with direct experience rather than conceptual understanding. Because mostly what happens is we feel that the understanding of something is good; when ‘I have a good concept about it’. But this is not the case. So maybe we can go through the layers of this appearance, and ‘To What’ this appearance appears, and examine it together to remove any conceptual baggage about it.

So, when we refer to things like mind, Consciousness, Awareness…, these terms; we don’t have to go back to concepts about them, but as they are heard in satsang then you are following along with the direct Seeing of what is being shared rather than some idea about Consciousness or Awareness.

So, shall we do this today? We just examine all this so that we are clear about them; the fundamentals.

Okay, so what is it we mean when we say ‘the world’? Very often we say ‘the world’ or ‘this leela’ or ‘this realm of appearances’. We use all of these terms. So, can we look now at this realm, at this world of appearances, without any conceptualizing?

With our eyes, we can look at the objects around us, and just be with them. And if the labeling comes, let the labeling come and go; don’t try to stop the mind. You will see that the mind wants to come and label everything that is appearing for you; so you let it come and go without actually giving it much attention or belief.  So, can we be with the objects around us, just as they are, without any interpretation, any concept? Can we truly meet the world in this way, and not meet an idea of the world?

Examine it. Look at how we perceive the world. So just playfully, playfully, examine the world and see how this appearance is appearing. How are you perceiving this appearance? Notice how inherently nothing that is appearing has a meaning. All the meaning that something has, has been provided by our mind, by our thoughts. What is appearing is just appearing. All that is appearing in this seeming-outer realm is what we refer to as ‘the world’. But it is not just that. We also refer to that which is appearing in this seemingly-inner realm of appearances; like memory, imagination, thoughts, sensations in the same realm of appearances.

Examine your next thought.

How is a thought perceived?

What is the size and shape of a thought?

Do you hear your thoughts or do you see them?

How are they perceived?

Can we find out where it is coming from?

And where it is going?

Where does a thought arise?

Is it inside you or outside you?

How is this energy of thoughts perceived?

The appearance of a thought is the mind.

That which we call the mind is nothing but these thoughts and similar energies.

And in the space between thoughts is no-mind.

So these thoughts are just one aspect of these internal ‘objects’.

One type of these ‘objects’ are thoughts.

There are other types of ‘objects’ also, like sensations.

It is these sensations that seem so intimate.

It is the intimacy of these sensations which make it seem like ‘I am the body’.

But the body is experienced just as a set of these sensations.

To experience the body is to experience these sensations.

Are these sensations inside you?

Or are you within these sensations?
What is your relationship with them?

Experience the sensations in different parts of your body.

And notice how they are just a different type of energy.

It is these sensations, along with the visual representations, that we call the body.

Now, there is another type of sensations, another group of sensations, that which we call the emotions.

See if it is possible to bring your attention to any emotion that might be present now.

Examine this emotion; get a ‘taste’ for it.

Observe that qualitatively an emotion is experienced differently than a thought.

A thought is coming and going very fast.

But an emotion can linger.

This is what we mean by emotions.

Now, we can bring our attention into our heart.

And move our attention up to our head.

See if you can examine, not the sensations, but the attention itself.
What is it that moved from heart to head?

In the movement of that which we call attention,

What is it that actually moves?

What is the color of this attention?
What is its size?

Focus your attention on a particular point.

And now let it go completely.

What is this force, this power, which can be focused and can be let go?

Observe that that only seems to exist for you on which there is some attention.

That which has no attention does not seem to be a part of your living existence.

Leave your attention completely free.

Now, this is the attention.

Now gently wait for a thought to appear, in its own time.

And observe how attention can go to this thought.

You’ll notice that when a thought is there, you also have another power, which is the power of belief…, which means to say whether this thought is meaningful or not; to accept or reject this thought.

Play with this power of belief.

Even if the thought is saying ‘I’m not getting any thoughts now’.

Notice how you can believe it or not believe it.

Notice the difference between attention and belief.

Now, with childlike innocence, make a complete effort to stop being.

Don’t be. Just stop being.

Don’t understand the request.

Just stop being.

You find that there is a sense of Being, a sense of existing here, that cannot be stopped.

I Am.

Independent of the thought ‘I Am’…, the Presence I Am, this sense of existence, I Am.

‘Taste’ your own Presence.

This Presence is what we call Beingness, Consciousness, The sense ‘I Am’.

Sometimes we even call it God. Atma.

Rest in this Presence for a while.

If you can’t seem to find this Presence, see if you can stop being.

This Being is Presence.

[Long sitting in silence]

Now, with the same innocence, just check:
Who is aware even of this Presence?

There is an undeniable awareness of it.

What is the nature of this awareness?

Try to find one attribute, one feature, of this awareness.

Are you aware now?
What is the nature of this awareness?

And when we say ‘I am aware’ which ‘I’ is this one?
Who is this ‘I’ that is aware?

Is it outside of awareness?

Are you now an entity that is aware?

Or just Awareness aware of Itself?

Is there a beginning or an end to this awareness?