BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

Once there was a very learned seeker, he went to the Sage Yājñavalkya; a beautiful Sage…, Yājñavalkya. So, this very learned seeker he went to Yājñavalkya and he said ‘Will you share the Ultimate Truth with me’? And Yājñavalkya sat quietly. And you know in the olden days, the Sage had to be prodded before they would speak. So, this seeker, he kept prodding. ‘Will you share? I am here. These are my credentials. I have been to this Guru before. I have learned all this. These are my spiritual experiences. Please share the Ultimate Truth with me.’ And yet Yājñavalkya is sitting quietly, just looking.

So, (as it very often happens with me also) after a while the seeker gets upset. ‘I have been asking sincerely. I have been asking with full devotion and I have asked you over and over again. I feel like you are very egoistic that you are not answering my question.’ He was just sitting.

So, Yājñavalkya then spoke something and he said ‘You have been asking, and every time you have asked I have answered, but you don’t hear the answer. If all that you say about your credentials is true, all that you say about your experiences is true, then you must be able to hear this answer by now…, what I am sharing with you in the silence.’

The rest of Satsang, the words of Satsang, are just so you can hear this silence.

[Silence]

What can be more intimate than this?

I am That which witnesses the space between your two thoughts.

Who is there?

All these clues which are available for the inquiry, like ‘Who is the witness of all that is moving?’ …, we just pick up the clue and then don’t have any concept about it. No response has to come, no answer has to come.

‘What is your boundary?’ Again, in the same way, don’t imagine yourself to be something, either big or small. If some visuals are coming from the mind, allow them to come and go. See if they are within you or outside you. What is the boundary of That within which all things are rising and falling?

The point of the clues is not to give you answers; it is to shake away everything that you know. All these concepts are like just collected on the Being (okay, don’t take it literally, it is just a metaphor; nothing can collect on the Being, but just to use a metaphor) all this conceptual dust has been stuck onto you and Satsang is the bath. In the bath, all this conceptual dust is being cleaned away, wiped away. Now, don’t use the bath water as your new dust.

Empty of all notions, find out if anything that might be arising is bigger than the space in which it is arising. Some will say ‘Some feeling is arising’. Some will say ‘Some interpretation is arising’. Some will say ‘Some other sensations are arising’. See if anything can be bigger than That in which they are arising. And once you see that it cannot be, See that everything is arising within You; but just not you personally. Therefore, nothing is bigger than You. Nothing can make a scratch on You, because You are no-thing.

To use another popular metaphor (it is also not true; it is also a metaphor) you are the space; suppose you are the space in this room. Then is the space concerned by what is arising or not? Is the space afraid of anything that is arising? Is the space saying ‘No, no, or yes, yes, to some things?’ How can You, which is the space-of-that-space (and that space-of-that-space is just Your dynamic aspect) be concerned by anything that might be coming or going?

Don’t worry if the words are sounding confusing. Stay with the simpler metaphor; it’s easier.

This morning, an aspect of You took birth as the universe. But that aspect of You believed Itself to be just restricted to one body. Coming to Satsang, I am reminding You that that which took birth is just the body of Your dynamic aspect.

It is a great Divine hypnosis that You can believe YourSelf to be something which is so tiny, so limited, so constrained. That which is the Source of the projector and the screen has considered Itself to be just one of the characters of the movie. That is why the question is ‘Who are you? Who am I?’ The identification with the character will dissolve in this. You will find that nobody is the character; all these boundaries have just been perceived. They don’t define You. You contain them, they don’t contain You.

Don’t believe any of this, but check: How are you defining YourSelf? And does the Truth need some definition?

So actually, we can say (you don’t have to say it yet) that You did not wake up in the morning; the morning woke up in You

Does ‘I’ represent Reality? Or a belief?

Which ‘I’ are we representing?

Does that ‘I’ need belief?

The false ‘I’ needs belief. Only a concept needs your belief; only a notion needs your belief.

I have to do this often, isn’t it? [Holds up a glass of water] Do you believe this glass? You only believe a concept about it. We can believe the label ‘glass’. Glass is glass; without ‘glass’ also, it just IS. What is, IS.

So, the Truth does not need belief. If you wanted a concept about it (‘Oh, where was the glass made? It was made somewhere.’) then that would need your belief.

Even the perceptual realm does not need our belief. Even that which is perceived doesn’t need our belief. We don’t need to believe a coconut is a coconut to drink from it. It’s already perceived. A child knows how to drink from the milk bottle. Does he have a concept ‘Oh, that has milk in it so I’ll drink from it’?

Q: Instinct.

A: Rather than saying ‘instinct’ we can say there is a Supreme Intelligence already which is running this world. We have relied on our belief system for too long, to try and pretend to run our life. What is the Source of all of this? That must be Knowing all of this. God does not need to believe anything to run this world, to run this life.

That’s why I said: All confusion is only confusion about ‘I’. Once you See that Consciousness is just an aspect of You… [Silence]

How do you See this? Just by remaining in the ‘I don’t know’.

So, Satsang is like this; you got stuck in a position and now we’re removing the position. That’s why whatever concepts you hear in Satsang are just the counter-poses to your position, so that you come to this neutrality, this ease of no-thing-ness. If you get stuck in a position, there will be suffering.

Now, I don’t mean that you-personally have to drop your positions. I’m saying that ‘me’ itself is a position. It’s a reference point you’re making about yourself based on some perception, sensation, idea…, something. It is not true about You. The seeker is a position, the finder is a position; lost is a position, found is a position.

Now, the mind is a ‘position machine’. [Chuckles] Everything that it is saying is an offer for a position. ‘Are you going to become position-less now?’ See? That is also an offer for a position. [Laughs] That is why it is the ATM: the Any-Time Misery machine because all position is followed by some misery.

What I’m showing you is so straight-forward because it is simpler than simple. It is the ‘position machine’ which has a more difficult job to convince You, who have no job.

If you had to be somebody, can you do it without a thought? If Radha has to be Claire and Claire has to be Radha, how will you do it? You would have to pick up some Claire thoughts, have to pick up some Radha thoughts; some ideas about who you are. Without that, you cannot do it.

In fact, you are not anybody right now. Can it be this simple? …, that the ego that you are trying to get rid of, you are rid of it?

If you are done with all concepts about yourself, what is there to do?

I often say that if this was the last page of your autobiography and the pen just stopped (or the keyboard just stopped typing) …, nothing more to write, not even one last ‘I’m free’. [Chuckles] Not even that. Not even one last ‘I got it, finally’. Nothing. You just lost all sense of identity and nothing you can say about yourself no longer feels like the Truth. Not even ‘Are you okay with this?’ because if we are asked ‘Are you okay with this’ …, not even that. Just stopped! …, mid- sentence. [Chuckles] Nothing to report, nothing to complain, no more interpretation of any feeling…

Guruji [Sri Mooji] says ‘Who are you without your story?’

What are you without the concepts about yourself? Are you somebody?

We learned this; how to be somebody. We have learned this bad habit. We have been told ‘You must be somebody’. Now that ‘somebody’ is trying to be a ‘nobody’. And we’ve seen this, isn’t it, in Satsang. ‘I am just trying to be nobody; I’m just trying every day.’ [Chuckles] That somebody is trying to be a nobody. God pretending to be a person pretending to be God.

Drop one notion now. Whatever notion you want; one of your favorites, preferably one that starts with ‘but…’

If it is too simple, I can complicate it a bit. [Chuckles] I can bring big words like Consciousness and Awareness into the picture. Actually, you don’t need any concepts.

Show me your boundary.

Where do you stop?

Where is your boundary?

Seriously.

Is your boundary inside the body?

Is the body your boundary?

Is your boundary outside the body?

Is it outside this room?

Where do you start and where do you end?

Yesterday I was asking all of you ‘What does ‘I’ represent for you?’ [Silence] Bring it into your own Light. There is no need to explain it, there is no need to proclaim it. Does ‘I’ represent something?

I have also been encouraging all of you to say ‘I’ (say ‘I’). [Laughs] What does this ‘I’ represent? And I don’t mean conversationally; I mean seriously, with integrity: What does it represent for you?

This is an inquiry worth doing.

What are the options?

Is ‘I’ a set of sensations which you call the body?

Is ‘I’ just a name? …, just a name pointing to nothing?

Is ‘I’ a representation of all your memories?

Who is this I?

Is ‘I’ an object called Awareness?

Is ‘I’ a thing called the Self?

Because many times, even these can become concepts: ‘Oh I am the Self’,

‘What do you mean by Self?’

‘No …, I …, the Self.’ [Shrugs shoulders]

Who are you?

‘I am Awareness. There is Awareness behind.’ [Laughs]

Behind what?

‘Behind everything’.

These ideas.

Who does the I represent?

Guruji says ‘Bring the ‘I’ to the witness box.’

Who will you bring?

And if you don’t know who you will present in the witness box,

how can that witness have a story?

This is the play. The story seems so tangible. ‘The ‘I’ I cannot find; my story seems real, the me is not there.’ All one big make-believe.

What will you lose, really, if you lose all your concepts? If you lose all your concepts, you will lose all your grievances, your resentment, your story, your pride, your guilt, your suffering.

Is any concept worth all of this?

What about the concept of ‘me’?

How much suffering are you willing to endure to be ‘me’ …,

to be’ the best me; the best, the best, the best me’?

The minute you pick up the idea of ‘Mr. me’ or ‘Mrs. Me’ or ‘Miss me’ you pick up the idea of desire, of doership, of duality.

Can you find the one who never wanted anything at all?

How long will you let a group of sensations, an interpretation of a group of sensations, convince you that it is You? (The body … the body…)

Suppose we ignore the term ‘the body’ …, that every sensation is experienced independently. Ignore the overriding concept called ‘the body’. There is no body. If you did not have the concept of ‘world’ …, no concept of world, no concept of body; every sensation experienced independently…

This is your experience, actually.

This voice is being experienced, this visual is being experienced, but is there a ‘me’ who is doing it and a ‘you’ that is experiencing it? These are conceptual. This is our training, this is our conditioning. ‘I am just this set of sensations; the other set of sensations is the world.’

This is not original to us, this is not natural for us. That is why so much suffering seems to be experienced. And now you are tired of making this fake position for the Position-less One.

‘How to come to this surrender?’ has been what we’ve been talking about for the last few days actually. To be surrendered means to have no idea; to not know anything at all.

Now, of course, when pain is there then pain is experienced. And you check, rightly, to see ‘Who is suffering from this pain?’ But whatever the objective experience might be, inquiry means to look at: What witnesses that? So, whether it is an energetic sensation in the throat or it is a concept of something, to inquire is to find out: Who witnesses that? What is perceiving that? Can that perceiver be perceived? (Whatever the content of the experience might be.)

So, the problem is that when we inquire with expectations, then there is always this monkey on our back which is saying ‘Is the symptom going away? Is the feeling going away? Am I feeling better?’ That’s why I’ve been saying today: Just inquire for inquiry; inquire for the Truth. It is worth it…, independent of any other benefit.

And as you make no conclusion, as inquiry becomes so open that no conclusion is forming about anything, then you will see that surrender and inquiry are actually one. Because you will never find an ‘I’ of which you can say ‘Ah, that is me!’ No notion will ever live up to your discovery of YourSelf. You will say ‘There is no me. I can’t find a me.’ These things you will say. But you will never be able to point in any direction and say ‘That is me!’ And yet, it is Your very own discovery. This is the beauty of this.

So many get frustrated because ‘I’ve been looking for this for so long. I just don’t find it. How many Satsangs does it take? How much inquiry does it take?’ because it can feel like ‘One day I will find the I’ …, as if it is an experience of the ‘I’. But the Truth is much more obvious than that; simpler than that. It cannot be painted in a picture. It cannot be described in a concept. And yet, it is Your very own discovery.

So, as we remain empty of any concept, of any notion of anything, then that is surrender and inquiry.

The fruit of the inquiry is apparent. And there is never a suffer-er; there is never the owner of anything unless there is a concept. Who You Are is just naturally present.

Then even actually the terms (I rarely will say something like this) but at this point, even the terms inquiry and surrender will become meaningless. They will just be used when the Guru puts them in your mouth to share with others. All concepts like body, world, universe, God, Consciousness, Awareness…, they don’t point to anything at all.

A: The problem is this thought, this concept, this notion. And you are absolutely right that some of the most powerful ways to get over this suffering (because of these notions, as has been suggested by the Sages) is to either surrender or to inquire.

Q: ‘I inquire and I ask myself why?’

A: Now you have to change one letter in that inquiry; instead of ‘W’, ‘H’, ‘Y’, to change it to ‘W’, ‘H’, ‘O’. Because the mind loves ‘why’. Why does it love ‘why’? Because there is no ‘why’. And this is where you will get the most resistance from the mind.

‘Why are we here?’

There is no ‘why’.

‘What is the purpose of this?’-

There isn’t one.

‘What does it all mean?’

Nothing.

It seems like that is the worst news. To the mind, that is the worst news because it makes you feel meaningless.

So, it loves playing with this question ‘why?’ But inquiry means ‘who?’ The fun thing is that as you ask ‘who’ and you come to this Seeing clearly more and more, then the question ‘why’ will not have a verbal response. It will not have a conceptual answer, but you will know why.

I will try to explain it as if it’s ‘play’ or as if it is ‘trying to experience yourself as something.’ All these answers, but you know that none of these are the answers. So, you will not know it conceptually.

Then the mind will come and say ‘See, now I’m inquiring, but even inquiry is not working.’ (That the inquiry is wrong or it’s not fruitful; let’s put it like that.)

‘Why’ has no real answer in science, in philosophy, in religion. Everybody is grappling with the question ‘why’. Find out ‘who’ first. ‘Why’ for ‘who’?

‘Why is it happening to me?’

Find out ‘who’ me.

That is the way to do the inquiry.

Now, some of you get tired with the inquiry ‘who’, ‘who’. ‘I don’t want to do the inquiry anymore. This doesn’t work Father, I’m tired of it now. That is fine, too. Then you let it be my problem. When you want to keep it your problem and then you want to presume that inquiry is something else and do it your way, then it’s a struggle.

So, if you inquire now (and not even for the personal benefit, not even with an expectation) isn’t it relevant that we know who we are? Even if we didn’t get anything because of it? Isn’t it so basic? It has been made into such a major question. Wouldn’t it be relevant to know who you are even if you didn’t get any benefit out of it? Because you are presuming yourself to be ‘something’ and I’m telling you that it is not true. Isn’t it worth exploring at least a little?

[Previous segment ends and cuts to a new segment where Anantaji is answering a participant]

Now this might be the problem because you might feel like there is a ‘me’ who is suffering, and then this ‘I’ comes and replaces that suffering for the ‘me’. Now, this is what I am trying to show you: That ‘I’ which you are (there are not two of you) it is one ‘I’ that you are?

Without the presumption of the ‘me’ there is no suffering. And every time there is a presumption of the ‘me’ it is bound to be followed by suffering. Although the initial motivation might seem like it is for the ‘me’ to get rid of the suffering, that I am doing the self-inquiry; you find (when you do the self-inquiry) you see that the ‘me’ doesn’t escape the self-inquiry. There is no ‘me’ left to suffer or not suffer. That’s why Guruji [Sri Mooji] says ‘The one who starts the inquiry is finished by the inquiry.’

But many times, what happens is that you take a dip (like you take a dip in the Ganga [Ganges River]), you dip in and then you dip out. ‘Oh, the me is back’.

Where is this ‘me’? It’s just a vague belief system, isn’t it? It’s just a very slippery sort of vague belief system which is always changing the target. Sometimes it wants only freedom; sometimes it only wants freedom from something else; sometimes it only wants good relationship; sometimes it only wants money. Where is this one?

[Changes to another segment where Anantaji is answering a question]

So, you say ‘It is in the thinking.’ The thinking is gone. Then you’ll say ‘It is in the future when I think again.’ This is how it plays. I am saying ‘Thinking is gone. Right Now, You Are Free.’ Then the thinking itself will come and say ‘But what about when I come back?’ But again, it is gone.

Our natural state is that in which identity is gone. We have this misconceived notion that we are living as the identity. Actually, identity just comes and goes. It might come and go many times so it feels like it is our constant experience. But our constant experience is that of being free, actually.

Right Now, Your experience is that of being free. Right Now, also. Now, also. Now, also.

One thought will come and you might pick up some identity for a few moments, but then it’s gone. So, predominantly, even in the phenomenal play, most of humanity actually is free.

Q: That’s exactly why I ask the question ‘When I can see clearly, why do I believe thoughts?’

A: This ‘why’ we have answered many times, and you know the answer so I’m not indulging in that question because you know that as long as Consciousness wants to play (as an individual entity with its individual play) it will continue to. But the more important thing is that even though this belief might come, even though the pretend suffering might play out, what is really happening to You?

Has anything ever really happened to You?

Has there ever been one who has actually suffered?

Has there really been a sufferer?

That [sufferer] we saw is the pretend one.

Q: No sufferer only suffering.

A: [Chuckles and shakes his head] But the minute it is seen that there is no sufferer, it cannot land. Suffering cannot land. So, we cannot ‘Advaita’ this one. [Meaning to use concepts and believe in concepts of Advaita without the corresponding experience of true Seeing that dissolves suffering]

When you See that there is no sufferer, then actually, it’s like: what suffering? So, it is only the presumed sufferer which forms the landing strip for the suffering.

Q: Why do I believe thoughts, if this Consciousness is choosing to suffer with this question right now?

A: If this was not there Right Now, what is your state? Sometimes even in this suffering, even in these very inquiry-sounding thoughts, there is lurking an ‘I’.

When you are saying ‘Why do I believe thoughts?’ are you asking why God believes thoughts? Why the Self in its dynamic form is believing thoughts?

The Self is doing, Consciousness is doing, what Consciousness is doing. But I know that mostly when this question is asked, it is mostly like ‘Why am I (Niranjan)…, Why am I (this body-mind), still believing in my thoughts?’

You are not. You do not exist. You don’t have the power of belief.

‘Who is the ‘I’ even in this question?’ That is the inquiry.

Q: Same presumed one.

A: Exactly.

This is how the mind will use even the things that you hear in Satsang and try to use that as an ally for its individuality. That’s why I often said ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ is not a personal strategy. Because if you try to make it a personal strategy (as an antidote for suffering or something) then the mind will come up with these kinds of questions:

‘Oh, you know that to be free from suffering you just have to drop your belief, but look at you, you just keep believing.’ All the time, selling the story of the presumed ‘you’.

So, even ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ relies on your Seeing. That which you say as ‘I can see clearly’…, it is reliant on that ‘I’ playing as Consciousness; not that small ‘I’ playing as Niranjan.

There is no pointing here for that presumed one, because that itself is the root of all suffering. It will take whatever you hear in Satsang and use it for its own means.

This is just Consciousness reminding Consciousness.

Now if you say, ‘Why, why does Consciousness have to remind Consciousness?’ …, there is no ‘why’. It is just part of the play. Consciousness reminding Consciousness that is not that limited one (it is not the presumed one). And this is naturally ‘What Is’ in this moment. The mind will convince you first to pick up the mask of the ‘me’ and then say ‘Now solve it for me.’

That is why inquiry is to see where this ‘I’ is pointing to. Am I the masked one pretending to want to get rid of freedom? The mask itself is suffering. The mask of the ‘me’ is the mask of suffering; and then wearing that mask, it tries to play the game of getting rid of suffering.

There is nothing for this ‘I’ to do. There is nothing for this masked one to do. But I am reminding myself (as Consciousness) that it is time we are done with this mask.

So, inquire now for the sake of the Truth. Don’t even inquire for any psychological benefit, any physical benefit, any ‘body’ benefit…, because that expectation itself will keep that presumed ‘me’ on your back. ‘My depression should go away, my something should happen.’ It will keep you strapped into the ‘me’.

That’s why I asked you the question: Isn’t it worth it to find out who I really am…, even if there was no benefit to it?

This is mainly what we are speaking about; mainly: What does ‘I’ represent for you?

[Silence]

What does ‘I’ represent for you?

So, when [Sri Nisargadatta] Maharaj said ‘Integrity is very good’ this is what he meant. With integrity, true to your Heart, what does ‘I’ mean?

[Silence]

And if that ‘I’ still means something, ‘I am something, somebody, some thought, some feeling, some event, some awakening, some spiritual experience’ then it is still ‘something’…, ‘I am something’.

And I don’t mean conversationally. Conversationally, you can still say ‘I am here. I am going there. I came from here, I went there.’ But what do you mean, seriously, with integrity?

Does it still mean a set of sensations for you is ‘I’? That which we call the body; nothing but a group of sensations, a group of visual perceptions and other intimate-seeming sensations. Is that ‘I’?

What about the actions that emerge from here? ‘I did this. I did not do that.’ Are you the sum of your actions, your inactions? Is that ‘I’?

Or are you another set of sensations; that which we call ‘feelings’? ‘I am feeling good, I am feeling bad, I am feeling guilty, I am feeling joy, I am feeling bliss.’ Do these represent ‘I’? Okay, not even this.

Then, do these states define you? ‘I am in the waking state. I am awake. I am asleep. I am dreaming. I am daydreaming. I am imagining. I am remembering.’ Are you the object of some state?

So, when I say that all confusion is confusion about ‘I’ this is what it means. We might think it is about something in life; some event that happened or didn’t happen. We might think it is because of some idea of doership, of some feeling, of some thought. But at the root of it is confusion about ‘I’. Actually, at the root of it is a presumption about ‘I’. ‘I am something.’

Now, be honest with yourself. Be honest with yourself and expose in Your own Light what ‘I’ represents for you. Just in Your own Light, look at what ‘I’ represents or means for you.

Even if it is a very high-sounding concept like ‘Awareness’ …, if it has become a label…, Awareness does not mean the label ‘Awareness’. The Self does not need the label ‘Self’. But notice about yourself and check if these labels have become more important than your insight.

Who does ‘I’ represent?

And if there is a notion ‘I am something’ (whatever that ‘something’ might be) then all of spirituality is for that ‘something’. The design of spirituality is so that this ‘something’ can be washed away.

So, what to do with this ‘something’? If it is a blank…, if it is not even a blank, it is just no-thing…, then no instruction is actually needed. This is your notion-less Existence, Right Now.

But if that ‘I’ still represents ‘something’ then Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi has said to surrender or to inquire. (I hope I’m making it very clear). If the ‘I’ still represents something, then the best, as he says, is to surrender or to inquire; or both, depending on your temperament.

Now, what is this? In this Aarti which we just sang, there is a line which says ‘Tan, man, dhan, sab kuch hai tera’ which means ‘Body, mind, wealth, everything is Yours’.  And this is from their definition of wealth which means ‘Anything which is worldly’…, ‘Everything is Yours’.

Whatever that ‘something’ represents, we put at God’s feet, at the Satguru’s feet (the same thing). Whatever your Heart feels even a little bit of openness or devotion for, it can all be offered up in your Heart altar, in your inner citadel. All ‘something’ is offered there. That is surrender.

Some might say that ‘This surrender sounds like make-believe to me. How can it actually work? It’s not logical.’ You’re of a different temperament. So, then the Sages have said to inquire.

What does it mean to inquire? All the clues that I posted the other day are for this inquiry. Whatever that ‘something’ might be. If you feel like you are the body, what is the witness of that? The sensations that you are calling the body, who witnesses those? You feel like you are some feelings. Is That which witnesses these feelings also a feeling? If you feel like you are some thoughts, what witnesses those? This is inquiry. To inquire ‘Who am I?”

So, whether you inquire in this way (‘Who am I?’) or you inquire as ‘neti, neti’ / ‘not this, not this’ …, which means, whatever the clue is, recognize That which is the unchanging. If that is the clue, then you go layer by layer. You say ‘The world is changing, so I am not this. The body is changing, so I am not this. Emotions are changing; I am not this. What remains as my very Existence? Is that changing? Or unchanging?’ And this must come from your own insight.

What witnesses all of this changing?

Is that Itself changing? Or unchanging?

And you will find that as you inquire with openness, the representation of the ‘I’ (‘I am something’) starts to fade away, dissolve, more and more. All these false notions about YourSelf cannot survive in the light of Your own inquiry.

So, ‘Witnessing’ must mean just that opening to allow these notions to be surrendered or to be inquired into. Even your most highly-held spiritual notions. And it is completely, completely possible for you to recognize this.

Now, even better news is that whatever might be the seeming-product of your inquiry is already Your natural state Now.

If you feel that you will get something as a result of surrender or inquiry, forget about even that. Because whatever you feel you could get is naturally present Here. You are whole and complete.

But if you are infected with the ‘But…’ (‘But…, but…, I am free, but…, I am the Self, but…, I am Awareness, but…’) then all of spirituality is designed for just this ‘But…’ only to bring you to your originality, to your naturalness, Right Now.

You will not become God because you cannot become That which You Already Are. You will not become the Self because you cannot become That which You Already Are.

So, what is the way to put down this mask? As long as you feel that the mask is real, you can surrender the mask or inquire into the reality of the mask.

So, if you look at Satsang, most of Satsang is an invitation to surrender. Whether we say ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ or whether we say ‘Allow everything to come and go’ or whether we say ‘Remain open, remain notion-less’ it is just an invitation to let go of this concept; this representation of ‘I’ which could mean ‘something’ for ‘you’.

Now, whatever that ‘something’ might be, even if it is a highly-held spiritual notion, in the design of the play, it will be attacked and it will cause the psychological state called suffering. This is what Papaji [Sri Poonja] meant when he said ‘Be vigilant till the dying breath.’ It only meant that when the pinch of suffering is coming, notice that the ‘I’ represents ‘something’ and surrender that ‘something’ or inquire into its reality. In this way, vigilance is not like you have to become like the night-time security guard or something. ‘Look. Who’s coming?What’s coming? Is that a thought? Is that a feeling?’ [Chuckles] Not like that. That doesn’t sound very free at all, does it? It is only that when something is pushing our button, we’re not getting into some sort of an Advaita denial of it…, and we’re happy to expose it in the Light of our own Being. That is vigilance.

Haven’t you seen now in the sangha for those who have been in Satsang for a long time, you’ve seen this happening. Isn’t it? ‘Father, this is what’s happening to me, but actually, I know nothing is happening to me; I’m Awareness. I feel this, I think this, but actually I’m Awareness.’ So, this conflict of playing with two opposite notions is causing this inner war. That is why I don’t want even the concepts, the great concepts like ‘I Am That’ and ‘You Are That’ or ‘I Am God, I Am Awareness’. These should not become concepts because they will only participate in your conceptual war; either with the world or with yourself.

So, using Bhagavan’s [Sri Ramana Maharshi’s] metaphor, this is the stick which has been used to light the funeral pyre but throw the stick also into the fire.

Now, many of you have heard it many times, and you say ‘Yes, it is this ‘something’ which is identity, which is the ego, which is the source of all suffering. And I see that as I surrender it, as I remain open, as I inquire, I find that this ‘something’ is meaningless. I cannot be that which I have believed myself to be.’ You are coming here.

Now, many of you will report that here there is some fear or wobbliness or something. It seems like this is the withdrawal symptoms from the idea of ‘something’. I’m telling you that Satsang is here every day so that you can get over these withdrawal symptoms. Like Guruji [Sri Mooji] rightly uses the term ‘naked’. It can feel too naked all of a sudden to be without a concept, to be without a notion of yourself. And that is why we rush to picking up something from the past. ‘Father, it was so clear yesterday but then something happened; my partner said this (or) my children said this (or) somebody said this and then all this happened to me.’ All of this, whether you realize it or not, is an escape from this fear. Or even if you say ‘Ananta, today, today, today I really got it! This is it, man. Today I’m really hearing you for the first time and I really got what you are saying!’ And I’m saying ‘It is not even that.’ [Chuckles] Even this can be an escape from the fear of being concept-less, notion-less. The ‘I’ which represents someone who got it is as much fake as the ‘I’ who represents someone who hasn’t got it yet. Both are not true.

So, if there is wobbliness, we will wobble together; it is completely fine.

For some it is fear. There might be others who say ‘I have no such fear so I must not be getting what he’s saying.’ [Chuckles] But it is not a prerequisite. It can be completely sober. ‘All this something was false. There never was a something that I was.’ It can be a simple recognition.

Or, for some of you (and some have reported also) big joy can come. ‘Ah! I’m none of this. I’m so beyond.’

So, what comes as the side-effect, as the by-product, don’t allow even that to make a representation out of You.

Now, there are some temperaments where neither surrender makes sense nor inquiry is making sense, but you might feel like ‘I just like coming here. I just like coming to Satsang. I have no idea what he’s saying. I have no idea about this ‘I am something’ or what is going on; nothing. But I like coming.’ And that is fine.

But there might be some (and especially if you’re new) who might feel like ‘Surrender, no…, inquiry, no…, and I don’t even like coming here. I don’t even like this guy’s face or his voice; nothing. Somebody told me ‘This is very good’. My friends told me or my family. And I’m just here.’ And you don’t have to do that. You don’t have to torture yourself. Because what you will end up picking up from Satsang is a new set of concepts. [Silence] That’s why I’ve told all of you ‘Don’t force anyone to come.’ Just, allow gently. And don’t be affected by it; what they might report about it. Because you might invite someone to Satang and you might feel like ‘Today it was really good, wasn’t it?’ and you ask them, and they are like ‘No, it was all nonsense. I didn’t get anything.’ [Chuckles] And that is fine.

In the play of conditioning, in the play of temperaments, every play is unique. And some will play with other ways to rid themselves of this ‘something’ …, whether it is chanting, whether it is some other meditation technique, whether it is some hatha yoga; it doesn’t matter. Consciousness is taking care of Itself.

But if you are in this place now where it seems like ‘I can look, I can check ‘Who am I?’ (or) I can sense that I don’t know who I am but I know that my life is the Satguru’s problem’ then the recognition of this truth is already starting to become apparent.

So actually, in this short time, we’ve encapsulated this entire quest for freedom. All the clues for your inquiry are available. Because to inquire, it seems like we need one master concept (which ultimately will be thrown into the fire) …, something which seems to light the say.

Who am I?

Can the perceiver be perceived?

What witnesses all things?

Can that itself be witnessed?

What is the unchanging one?
Is there something which is unchanging?

What does not have a boundary (either of time or of space)?

What is beyond the four states? [Waking, dreaming, deep sleep, turiya]

Now you don’t have to remember all these clues. Just anything, any one which appeals to your Heart, you can take.

And for any of those to whom this sounds like it’s too much effort or something like this, just let everything go. But just to say ‘I’m letting everything go’ is not enough. Nothing can be your problem now. That is why Guruji [Sir Mooji] uses camphor in the fire ceremony. Let your surrender leave no residue. Nothing is yours. And here, you will See that surrender and inquiry are the same. ‘Nothing is yours’ and ‘You are no-thing’ are two ways of saying the same thing.

Now, I’ve made it very simple for all of you. I feel like I’ve made it very simple; that all confusion is confusion about the ‘I’ and behind that is the representation of ‘I as something’.

So, confusion means suffering. And I’ve even defined what suffering is: grievances, resentment, pride, guilt. All these psychological afflictions are ‘suffering’.

The basis for all of this is a misunderstanding about who we are. How to find if there is a misunderstanding about who I am? Check for yourself and see who this ‘I’ represents. And today in Satsang, we’ve broken down all these things and looked at what it could represent and how to let go of this notion of misrepresentation.

That’s all actually there is to it.

[Silence]

But you might say ‘But what about the Self?’ When we are empty of the notion that ‘I am something’ …, the Self is apparent. You don’t have to take a step.

The Self is apparent to You, Right Now.

You might not believe it, but I don’t need your belief. Your belief is only to something conceptual. The Self is not conceptual.

You Are the Self, Right Now.

Whatever the mind might be saying, whatever emotion might be saying, whatever body pain you might have, whatever might be happening in your life…, You Are the Self.

And this is apparent to You until You start playing with your mask. Even as You are playing, it is apparent to You, but then You play as if you are something individual.

Q: My mind doesn’t trust that without its control bad things will happen.

A: Yes, the mind isn’t designed to trust, so the mind will always give you messages like ‘What will happen without your control?’ or ‘You better take charge of your life’ and all of these things. But it has given all these messages for so many years; 30, 40, 50, 60 years at least that you remember; actually, millions of years. Has it has been able to sort it (as it is all your life in all these years)? With its seeming control, is life so good?

[Silence]

So now, try it my way. And the struggle will be if you try to sit on both these chairs at the same time, my way and the mind’s way. If you try to mix up both of them then you will suffer in Satsang, you will struggle in Satsang, you will throw tantrums in Satsang; all this will happen.

I said the other day, you can either surrender or you can be Frank Sinatra singing ‘My way’. [Chuckles] To have a Guru means that you have no way. To have a Guru means that you are returning to your infancy where you didn’t know how you were going to run your life, and yet life was taking care of you. And from an infant, from this infancy, you will See that you are God. A grown-up cannot see that ‘I am God’. From this infancy, you will See that you are even higher than that. But as long as we trust the mind’s way, it will get in the way.

So, don’t worry about changing the quality of your mind; this one is designed to be like that, to convince you of your individuality. It is a beautiful design of Consciousness; designed to convince That which is unlimited that it is limited; designed to convince That which is timeless that it is born and will die. So, don’t worry about changing this one mind. Let this one come and go, say whatever it likes…, but you remain empty; empty of any notion, empty of any concept about yourself.

It is completely possible! If it were not possible, why would I say it every day? Then I must be the most deluded one. [Chuckles] Consciousness would not bring this Satsang to you every day if what was being shared was something which is beyond your grasp.

[Silence]

Then you said ‘Bad things will happen. No existence-filled fragrance or help for me.’

It is Here. Your Presence is Here. Our Being is One. The Satguru’s grace is always there for you, reminding you that everything is taken care of. But it will never molly-coddle any idea about yourself.

Sometimes it can seem like, to a child, that the parent is being so mean almost. The parent is saying ‘Just go beyond this, look beyond…, into what You Are.’ And the mind could be screaming ‘But can you take care of the me? Can you take care of the me?’ And the parent is saying ‘But this is not You; this is just an idea you have about yourself, it is your imaginary friend.’

Some of you must have seen that I posted the clues. [*See at end: 12 Clues to Enlightenment, based on discoveries during the Ashtavakra Readings series given by Ananta]

Now each of these clues actually is enough; any of them. But don’t be so quick to try and answer it; don’t be so quick to try and say ‘Found it’ or ‘Haven’t found it’. For example, if I tell you that ‘You are the one solitary witness of all there is…, I am That, I recognize That’ (actually ‘find’ might not be such a good word) ‘I recognize That which witnesses all things’ …, you leave this like a grenade to explode on its own rather than keep checking on whether it is exploding or not (‘Did I find it or not?’) Leave the pointing some space to automatically do what it is meant to do. The mental effort will not get you there anyway.

[Silence]

What witnesses all things?

Can that itself be witnessed?

Don’t harass this question, don’t molest this question with any answer.

[Silence]

Allow yourself the space to remain without answers.

Because that which your mind thinks is an answer is just a distraction.

So, let these mental answers come and go; let all sensations also come and go. And as everything is coming and going, see if you can recognize That which is not coming and going.

[Silence]

Any recognition that might have happened in the past or is going to happen in the future, leave it aside. Any idea that you have about past or future, no matter how important it might seem, just for some time; don’t bother with it.

[Silence]

All conclusions, all judgements, all inferences of any sort, let them go; and don’t even pick up the idea of letting go.

[Silence]

Remain without any notion, including the notion of being notion-less. Nothing at all.

[Silence]

With which light do you perceive the world? With which light do you perceive your thoughts, the sensations of the body? Who must be here for all this to be perceived?

[Silence]

What perceives light or dark, noise or silence, thoughts or no thoughts; what witnesses them?

[Silence]

Everything that can go, is going. What remains?

And everything that can come, will come. What witnesses this?

Do you also come and go?

If the experience is meditative, that can come, but it will also go. The point of this is not to have a meditative experience. It can be a nice by-product to have but whether you have a deep experience or it is a very distracted experience: What witnesses these?

[Silence]

You won’t find the answer. Don’t try to find it. Let the question remain on its own. Whether the mind is struggling or it is quiet: What witnesses that?

[Silence]

What are you now…, without the concept of what you are?

Before the concept of what you are, what are you?

[Silence]

Notice that you don’t need any concepts now. Breath is functioning naturally; the body sensations continue to exist on their own. If somebody rings your doorbell, you will find that the movement towards the door will also happen (or not). All that is naturally required in this apparent play of Consciousness will continue to move on its own.

The idea that you are an individual, a person, has only been a painful appendix. The removal of this will not stop anything at all.

You are the Truth. You are That which you have been looking for.

This is all that You will ever be.

There is no maturing here, there is no growth.

You are complete.

You cannot place yourself in a location.

All locations are within You.

You have no age.

All time has been within You.

You have no boundaries.

All boundaries have been within You.

These set of sensations that we call the body can be allowed to move as it wants.

It is moving within You.

The set of sensations that you call the world can be allowed to move as it wants.

It is moving within You.

There is nothing to control, nothing to change, nowhere to go, nothing to find.

This recognition is apparent.

This is all that You will ever be because this is All There Is.

The phenomenal and non-phenomenal is You.

The One that is doing everything (and is not the doer of anything at all) is You.

[Silence]

All ideas are pointless here.

As you dip into this Ganga of your own recognition, don’t come out as the one who started the dip. Remain as the Ganga itself.

Don’t exchange This for any idea about yourself.

Blow away all concepts that you have about yourself, including being Awareness or the Self. The Truth does not need these concepts.

That which is aware doesn’t carry a label.

That which You Are has no name.

That which is the primal intelligence doesn’t need your mind for any functioning.

[Silence]

(Now that I have put all of you to sleep, I can go to sleep myself.) [Smiling]

[Silence]

Do you see how simple it is? Simpler than simple. Before you can even decide whether it is simple it difficult, before you can even take a step or have a thought, any action, any experience, You Are.

To put it very, very simply: You do not need a notion to exist.

Your Existence is all there is, so what do you need a notion for? Only to delude yourself. You cannot delude yourself without a notion. Better to say you cannot play the game of delusion, the pretense of identity, without a notion.

That’s why I can tell any of you, no matter what your circumstances or what might be happening in your life, I can tell you this: Right Now, without a notion, You are free.

It doesn’t matter if this is your first satsang or thousandth satsang. It doesn’t matter how many awakening experiences you had; nothing. In this moment, unless you pick up the mask of your identity, You Are All There Is.

You.

Okay, let’s wake everybody up a bit. [Chuckles]

So, when I say ‘You’ …,

what is the shape you draw about yourself?

I say ‘You’.

What is the boundary you make about yourself?

Where do you start and where do you end?

And whatever that boundary might be, notice that it is only a concept, only a visual, only a thought. Let that notion go. Don’t let any sensation or the interpretation of any sensation convince You that that is Your boundary.

Now say to yourself ‘I’.

‘I’.

See whether any notion about this ‘I’ is still there.

If any notion is still there, just let it go.

It is not the Truth about You.

If any visual is there, don’t bother with it.

You cannot imagine your Self.

You cannot think about your Self.

All these ideas are just ideas.

‘I’ has nowhere that it lands, has no reference point, has no start or end.

‘I’ is empty if all resentments, all grievances.

Nothing has ever happened to ‘I’.

No desire belongs to ‘I’.

No bondage applies to ‘I’.

Remove the runway for the plane called ‘I’ to land.

It applies to nothing at all; to that ‘no-thing’ that You Are.

Now say ‘I’ and see who you are presenting.

Who you are referring to as ‘I’?

Just a bundle of sensations? That is not I.

Empty, empty, empty of all notions;

especially about liberation, freedom, finding the Truth.

All location, You are empty of that.

More spacious than space.

Not even empty space You are.

If I say ‘You’ where is this ‘You’ landing?

If it is landing somewhere to something, then that is not You.

You are That!

Tat Twam Asi.

You are That which is beyond all things.

And when you say ‘I’ where is the ‘I’ taking off from?

What is that place where the ‘I’ comes from?

It is no-thing which is the Absolute Self.

Aham Bhramasmi

What is the ‘I’ that you are presenting yourself as?

Are you now going to present yourself as someone who got it or didn’t get it?

You are not that.

As someone who is trying?

You are not that.

As someone who has a set of sensations called the body?

You’re not that.

All of this is in You.

But You are greater than that, higher than that, prior to that.

Now, as Satsang gets over, it doesn’t mean it’s time to pick up the mask, to pick up the pretense.

Play like this, empty of notions.

All is taken care of, in Your own light, by Your very Presence.

There is no problem.

By my Masters Grace, it my blessing to all of you that you remain mask-less, empty of pretense, empty of any concept about Your Self.

May that which was Seen here, at his feet, be recognized for all of You, wherever in time and space you might be.

May His grace bring you this Truth, bring you this Recognition.

May all that is false be dropped away.

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.

~ ~ ~

*12 Clues to Enlightenment posted by Ananta:

1) That which is the Witness of All Things. You are the One solitary witness of all things.

2) That which remains Unchanging, cannot be enhanced or diminished.

3) That which is beyond limitations or boundaries, the shoreless ocean.

4) That which is beyond the states of waking, dream, sleep or turiya (the fourth).

5) That which can only be found in the present (now), does not come and go, is not subject to time.

6) That which has no desires or aversions, beyond attachment.

7) That which is beyond doer-ship, beyond action and inaction. That which is beyond separation and union.

9) That which cannot be described in concepts, judgments or inferences.

10) That which is your direct intuitive insight, beyond any phenomenal perception.

11) That which is the source of the Being, which in its un-associated form is Pure Consciousness and in its associated form appears to be the ego.

12) That which is discovered by following the guidance of the Satguru, Divine Presence or/and by surrendering to this Presence.

Life is always just life. We can say ‘Life is always perfect’ but actually the word ‘perfect’ has a wrong connotation at times. So, better to say ‘Life is just life’. Because when you say ‘perfect’ then you’re imagining some utopian sort of ideal.

Life is always just life. But to suffer life, you have to have a limited notion about yourself.

Because I know that you are God (because I know that I am God) and God cannot suffer. But when I believe myself to be something limited, everything can become an opportunity to suffer. [Silence]

But once you start (when Consciousness Itself starts) to enjoy Its notion-less Existence, it’s very rare for It to go back to feeling feverish about notions.

So, I’m also reassuring you: Try it. You’ve tried the way full of concepts for long, now try this concept-less way.

And if you have a report that ‘You said this, and since then, my life has become a full mess’ [Laughs] then we can talk about it.

It has happened with me. [Laughs] You remember American Lucia? I had this Satsang with her where I told her that ‘Your concern is that if you hand over your life to God, He’s just going to make a mess of it, or a hash of it.’

She said, ‘Yes, yes Father, that is fine. This concern, I am surrendering it.’ (Or something; this is what I remember, that ‘I’m surrendering it.’)

The next day she came to Satsang and she had this pretend anger with me [Makes a mock angry face] and she said, ‘Anantaji, I’m very angry with you today.’

‘Huh?’ I said, ‘What happened?’

She said, ‘You said to hand it over to God and I’ve been a practicing psychotherapist for 20 years; I’ve never missed an appointment, and I handed it over to God and for the first time in 20 years, I missed an appointment.’ She said, ‘I gave it over to God and He messed it up.’ [Laughs]

So, this giving it over to God cannot be done with an expectation of what a mess-up is or not. This is not a cop-out. It is not an excuse. But if we still have an idea of ‘What my life should be’ then that is not surrender at all. So, it is that expectation which has to be surrendered. It’s not a cheat code to getting your desires.

‘I’m just going to hand over to Guruji, and then Guruji will make sure I have a million dollars in my bank account, he’ll make sure I have the perfect partner or my meetings go on time.’ [Chuckles] It’s not that.

So, the idea that ‘I am the doer’ and the idea that ‘I am the experiencer’ are both surrendered. ‘Twam Karta Twam Bhogta’ means ‘You [God] are the doer’ and ‘You [God] are the experiencer’.

And this ‘You’ will be seen to be ‘I’ only, ultimately; it’s fine. But in the spirit of surrender, it means ‘You [God] are the doer and You [God] are the experiencer’.

Who am I? All of this is Your game, Your play. You are playing with YourSelf. True surrender is to surrender this ‘me’ (this identity). Then you start to see that there never was this ‘me’ anyway. The surrender-er was just a play by Consciousness Itself.

Q: When I was very young, I feared the void I felt to be inside of me, not to be ‘me’. Therefore and thereafter, I started to collect dispositions and characters to build a ‘me’. I felt as a kid that I needed a character to function in the world. It is now returning around of that path.

A: Exactly…, exactly. That is why Jesus said ‘Only the children will enter the kingdom of Heaven.’ The ‘children’ doesn’t mean that this enlightenment is only a possibility for those who are less than seven. It means that those who are innocent; the same innocence, empty of concepts, empty of notions.

So, you absolutely right when you say ‘Actually, Satsang is this turning around’. We picked up conditioning, because the Truth was very apparent. In fact, many of us, if we were to report about our childhood will say ‘Father, yes, it was so apparent to me when I was a child’. So now it is just this. We picked up so many notions and conditions and now they are being dropped.

And yet, there is something in this play of having been deluded and then freeing; Consciousness having been deluded and then freeing Itself from the delusion. It seems to cause some delight for Consciousness. So, it is that returning to the innocence.

The fear of it, yes. This is what I have been talking about for the last few days also, that whether we call it the fear of death, or we call it the fear of the unknown, I am here to tell you that if this fear is there, I am happy to hold your hand and tell you that this fear was experienced here, this wobbliness was experienced in full intensity here, but my Master was holding my hand. So, I am holding your hand. If you are here physically, I am physically holding your hand. If you are not at a physical proximity, I am holding you here in my Heart and I am telling you that the fear is unfounded.

Even if it feels like you are dying (and the moment you are empty of the next notion, it can feel like this for many of us, that death is coming) this is only the death of the pretend one. Don’t let any interpretation of this fear make you believe another concept about yourself.

In fact, one of the primary reasons why having a living Master is so beneficial is that he can take you through this fear, reassuring you that nothing will happen to you. This fear is very primal. And yet, for those of you who are not experiencing it, please don’t make it another benchmark ‘Ooo, I haven’t yet gone through that fear so I must not have got it yet’ [Laughter] or something like that. That is why I said usually it is a common thing to experience this fear; it can feel like the fear of death. [Sri Nisargadatta] Maharaj at one time said until you have gone through your death you will not find freedom. This is what he meant.

So, I am here for that, my dear. I am here to tell you that no fear, no matter how big it is, is not stronger than your Being; it is not stronger than the Satguru’s Presence. Let’s see this fear through together. [Silence] All is taken care of.

I know that sometimes I can say these things very simply and say ‘Just don’t pick up a notion; be notion-less’. But I know that, in the face of this notion-less-ness, many times strong fear can come; fear of the unknown, not knowing what is going to happen. It can feel like ‘I am dying; this is the end of me’. It is not. You are discovering that you are endless, you are deathless. I am here to tell you that I have seen this through and so can you; and so are you. That is why very simply I say ‘Don’t fear the fear’. Let as much fear come.

Sometimes, very simple, almost truisms, are helpful with this, like ‘Tell the fear how great Guruji is’. [Silence]

And there are various responses to this fear. Sometimes we might say ‘No, no, I am done with this, it is not for me. I am not ready yet. I am going to come back later.’ Or ‘I don’t want this, this is too much.’ For some, they latch onto some spiritual concept and say ‘Yeah, yeah, I got it’. Actually, in the moment of some insight, some fear is coming and you almost recoil because of that fear and say ‘Ah, yes, yes that was it, I got it; that was it.’ So, we are referring to some experience over and over again from the past; then, know that this one is just like recoil. Because if you have to refer to it from the past, what you are actually saying is that you are not that Now. There are some who get caught in this whole thing that they keep talking about some experience they had, like an awakening experience. There is no big deal in that. You are That Now. So, this fear can come with various responses.

By the way, like I was saying the other day, it is not always fear. Sometimes it can seem like a joyous excitement also. ‘Ah! I am not this body, I See it. Ooo…, Aah…, it is so nice. Nothing contains me, I am beyond all things. Ooo…’ As I say it, I am feeling that excitement, that joy of not being contained.

Sometimes this joy can come, many times the fear can come, but whatever is coming, know that it will pass. Don’t get too scared, or don’t get too attached with any of the by-products. Some get very attached to the bliss also of an experience and say ‘That was when I was free!’ No, no, that was the time when bliss was coming. It has nothing to do with the Reality of You.

Q: Father, can you talk about dis-identification from suffering? My aunt died several hours ago. In this moment, I am having trouble with identification.

A: So, when an event has happened, then we must not have an expectation that ‘Grief should not come now, because I am becoming free’. Grief is also part of the natural functioning of this existence. So, allow room for this grief to come. But see if there is ‘a one’ who is grieving.

[Silence]

So, in the grief, grief can be felt; but the griever is not there, the sufferer is not there. And then, what you will discover in this, is that in your Being, there is so much space…, and all this grief can come but it doesn’t make a scratch on Being. It only seems to dent the identity which was never real anyway.

[Silence]

Only your notions about yourself can be attacked.

[Silence]

So, grief is another aspect of Consciousness which can be allowed to come and go. All the flavors in this entire spectrum of sensations, Consciousness is playing this way to taste all of this; sometimes joy, sometimes grief.

So, don’t confuse the arising of a sensation or an emotion to be an identification. When you pick up the idea that ‘I am suffering’ then that is identification. Before that, it is all just moving sensations on the screen of Consciousness.

So today, what are we doing? [Chuckles] Are we pretending to have the bondage problem and then working towards our freedom?

Are we going to see that there is nobody that is bound; and yet play with bondage for a bit and then leave it?

What is the other ‘seeker’ position?

Are we going to play with ‘I got it yesterday; today I lost it?’ or ‘I’ve never really got it’?

None of these are true about You. You are only misunderstanding what is here. You feel like (or you believe) that ‘I am just a person…, sitting on the floor, sitting on the couch, sitting in the Zoom’. [Name of the platform used for online Satsang].

But this starting point itself is not true. No ‘person’ is sitting here. It’s just an invented idea; just a notion.

So then, if no ‘person’ is there, then what to do with ‘That’ which IS there? Let’s give ‘That’ a name. ‘That’ which is there, what do you want to call it? Do you want to call it God? Do you want to call it Consciousness? Do you want to call it Satguru, Being, I Am? You choose.

Everyone is with me so far? No ‘person’ is there. With me so far in that? Do you find it? [If you do], you come and claim your thousand dollars. [An ongoing joke where there is a $1,000 reward for anyone who can show that a ‘person’ exists].

It’s not. And yet, I Am. I Am. It’s a qualitative experience; ‘I exist’. Even to say ‘I don’t exist’ can happen only within Your Existence.

So, I Am. Now what do you want to call this ‘I Am’? Whatever we call it doesn’t really matter.
Now what is this ‘I’ that is ‘Am-ing’? Some of you have been with me and some are new, so this terminology might seem a bit strange. But a simpler way to ask this is: ‘Who is even aware of this Being?’

‘What is it that is aware of my Being?’

‘Who is the ‘I’ that now ‘Am’?’

Does that have a name?

Does it have a shape, size, color; anything?

Now, you cannot not be ‘That’. You cannot leave ‘That’.

You cannot become this which we have been believing ourself to be.

So, when in some forms of spirituality, it is about ‘killing the ego’ or ‘demolishing the ego’ or ‘the ego must be killed’ it is talking about this ‘I’ [person]; ‘Kill the ‘I’.

Here we See that ‘Has it ever really been?’

Where is it; this person? Where is it?

[Silence]

The one that cares about freedom, where is he?

In this? [Touching his head]

In this? [Touching the arms]

In this? [Touching the hands]

In this? [Touching the chest]

Where? Where?

In the pockets? [Laughs]

Where is that one hiding?

Produce the one that wants freedom.

Found it?

Not there; you see? It is not there.

It never has been.

Q: This one that we call this entity is getting really strong.

A: Who is keeping track? [Chuckles]

Q: This has been a long, tough year, Father. [Sighs]

A: For who? [Chuckles]

Q: Just that one small thing starts and then I feel like…

A: Forget it!

Q: [Stammering]…

A: [Chuckles] Just forget it!

Q: The time…, [breaks out laughing with the sangha and Anantaji] No, Father…!!!

A: You see, this is the attraction of our notions. I am saying: This moment is your new life. There is no ‘you’ here. It’s gone.

Q: It’s not gone.

A: [Laughs] See?! This is how it operates. It’s very good. Actually, we are enjoying this because this is how it operates. Like, the mind came and told me one day, in the middle of inquiry (everything became quiet, no notion, and it came and said) ‘Stop all this. I’ll give you a good life.’ You see? It will come up with all these things. ‘I want that!’ I’m saying: You Are That. And the mind is saying ‘I want that.’ Is it a worthy notion?

What are you willing to exchange my words for? [Jokingly]: (Okay, let me put some emotional blackmail into this.) [Chuckles]

Which notion, from your mind, are you willing to exchange my words for?

Q: [Stammering]…

A: I am saying You Are Free, there is nothing to be done, there is nowhere to go, no ‘imaginary-you’ has ever lived.

Q: I want these words to be Real, every moment.

A: They are Real, every moment. It is true. I’m not lying even a little bit.

[Silence, darshan]

We just are Here. You are Here. All effort is imagined.

For effort to want to get somewhere, you have to take a position. A concept has to come. The idea has to come: ‘I must find freedom. I must do something. I must become a better person. ‘I must be…., whatever.’

But without that, what are you now?

That is why this is like the path-less path. And this is why it is frustrating for some, but joyous for others. Because many are looking for a path, like some way to get there. What this is, is to show you that there is nowhere to get to.

If your Presence, if your Existence, if your Being, needed some getting to…., if we had to walk a hundred miles for God to be Here, then we would say ‘Yes, we need a path.’ But if God is Here. And like I say ‘If God is a God where we need to walk a hundred miles to get to it then it’s a pointless God. If God cannot be Here all the time effortlessly, then what kind of God would that be?’ So, we are finding That which is effortlessly present.

What is Here without judgment, without interpretation, without any knowledge or understanding?

If you need a concept to become That …, let’s take an example: Suppose I say ‘There is only the Self. Forget about all other concepts.’ Some can come so innocently into Satsang and say ‘Father, you said there is only the Self; forget about everything else. Done!’ Then I say ‘Okay, forget about the concept also that ‘There is only the Self.’ [Makes a shocked expression] [You might feel] ‘Ah, that’s a bit cheeky because I need something to hang on to.’

So, that’s why these very simple concepts have been given: ‘Tat Tvam Asi (You Are That), I Am That, Only Brahman Is, Only the Self Is.’ These very simple concepts have been given and you can hang everything else on this because everything else is subservient to this. ‘What does it matter, what do I have to do next, if only God Is, if only the Self Is?’ and ‘What does it matter what my bank account is, if only the Self Is? The Self will take care of itself in whatever way it wants.’

So, in Satsang we find some pointers like this, some direction like this, some instruction like this. But ultimately, even that is dropped away. Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] had this beautiful example of using the stick to burn the funeral pyre. But the stick is not left outside; it is also thrown into the fire. Everything is burnt. This is what I’ve been calling recently ‘Your notion-less Existence’.

And this can feel a bit naked. It can feel like ‘I have no defenses’ and some fear can come. Some fear can come. So, then the mind will offer ‘No, no, no, this is too much, too much for me. Too much for me. Give me something that I can hold on to.’

Now, we can hold onto the Satguru’s feet, but don’t hold onto any concept. Ultimately, even the Satguru’s Feet is a concept, but for a while you will find some peace there, if there is fear in response. Sometimes there is joy in response. ‘Hah! There is no separation. All this is just being perceived within Me. What am I? Oh!’

Who was saying this? Joy herself was saying about joy the other day. [Making an amazed expression] ‘Oh, aah! Oh, aah!’ And it’s very enjoyable. But then a notion can come, like ‘This joy is the proof of your freedom.’ No, it is just another by-product.

No proof of your freedom is actually needed. Whether it is fear or it is joy. At least, the joy of Presence is incomparable to the usual objective joy; like the joy of having a very nice coconut. That is a different joy. There is some joy in tasting the sweet water, yes, agreed, but the joy of your Being, of Presence, of your Existence…, that’s a beautiful joy.

But there is an even deeper joy. Because even if you are experiencing this joy all the time, there comes a time where you’re done with it and you say ‘I want to go to sleep.’ No experience, even this most beautiful joy, is enough. No matter what you’re tasting in this world; it could be the most beautiful music (objective joy is not just the taste) it could be sound, it could be visual sight.

Then there could be a joy which is just within, arising with Your own Presence. But even that, when you’re done with the experience of all perception, there comes this sleep. Now the joy there is not a tangible. You cannot say ‘Oh, I went to sleep’. That itself conveys ‘I had a very nice sleep last night.’ Does it convey that it was a suffering experience or a joyful experience? Joyful. And yet can you say ‘Oh, you tasted some joy?’ No.

This is beyond the ‘concept’ of perceptual joy, of tasted joy. Yet, this is the Brahmanandam, the Joy of the Self Itself. So, this joy is not a tangible, not a held-onto joy. It is your very originality. It is the fragrance of Your Truth. It is ever-present. It’s Awareness. You can never say that it is suffering.

How many of you See that nothing has ever happened to Awareness?

[Silence]

Then how come you feel that something has happened to you?

[Silence]

So, there must be a belief that I am something other than the Self, something other than this primal Witnessing. That’s why in the Upanishads they say ‘Just be the witness.’ But even that has been misunderstood, that ‘I-personally must be the witness.’

So, I’d rather say: You Are the Witnessing. You can’t help it. If you wanted to leave YourSelf, you couldn’t.

Very simple things to say, but if you look at the world, you find that everyone is looking for themselves in one way or another. They may be apparently looking for money, they may be apparently looking for a partner, they might be apparently looking for a better body but they are actually looking for themselves. Because they say what? ‘I will be more complete.’ We want that completion. So, everyone is looking for themselves; looking for the Self.

But I say: Where did you lose it?

If you were not the Self right now, then I would say ‘Okay, let’s go looking for it.’ But the thing with the Self is, you can’t even leave it. It’s just that we might have picked up along the way (like we picked up a wrong idea about what I am) we picked up the idea that ‘I am just this body’ or ‘I am just this body and this mind.’ You might have also picked up an idea about the Self; an idea about God. And yet, what is your greatest idea about God? He is ever-present. Nobody says ‘I believe in a God who comes and goes.’ So, if He is ever-present, where must He be now? That which is ever-present, can it not be Here Now? If it is Here Now, where must we go look for it?

And as I’m using the terminology, I’m using God, Guru, Self (in this discussion, at least) inter-changeably. So, don’t worry about the terminology so much.

Now, will you find it…, if you go with your thoughts saying ‘Yes, yes, a little more this, a little more that, a little more clear Seeing. I’m not worthy yet.’ …, all of this? Is it true that the ever-present One can be lost just because your mind says it is lost and it has to be found?

Must you have to take a step to go anywhere to find That which is ever-present?

What are You Now?

If you needed a notion to become God, a concept to become God, even the concept of God to become God, then God would not be ever-present.

So, then, what happened? [Chuckles] If it was so simple, so obvious, what has happened? How it is that we keep searching and searching and searching?

A simple example is coming to me. In the morning Aarthi that we do now, there is “Bhakt jano ke sankat kshan mei dur kare” …, “In a moment, all those who are devoted to You, You can take away all their suffering.” (Rough translation.) “In a moment, in an instant, all that we suffer from as Your devotees, You can take away.” Now, we have grown up with the next line being “Bhakt jano ke sankat” …, and then, next line “Jano ke sankat” which is almost synonymous. Now, we’ve been doing this Aarti for some time; and what happens? Every time we finish “Bhakt jano ke sankat” I still hear somebody saying “Das jano ke sankat.” Although, we know very well …, (and here also it comes).

So, this is the power of conditioning. We’ve repeated something over and over again, that ‘This is your body, this is your hand, this is your life, you must work hard, you must find the right partner…’ You see? The ‘you’ …, the ‘I’ has been stuck with this limited identity for so long that although we are Seeing the Truth about OurSelf, we are finding what we Are, it’s just the power of this conditioning has continued to play out.

That is why we continue to have Satsang every day, Monday through Friday, because I know that in a day you could pick up new conditioning. You could go totally notion-less from here, but tomorrow you could come back and say ‘Father, I left Satsang, and then this happened; he did this to me or she did that to me; this thing happened.’ Then we sit in Satsang for two hours every day and I say ‘Me who?’ …, ‘Me? There’s no ‘me’, Father.’ [Chuckles] ‘All of this is just appearances on the screen of my Being.’ You might leave from here, and yet the power of the old conditioning can come back. This is the design of this creation; the habit is like that.

That’s why Guruji [Sri Mooji] says that Satsang is the rehab. Rehab for who? Rehab for God. From what? From this idea that ‘I am a limited entity.’ From the idea of the ego. Who is running the rehab? God is. For who? For God. Because there is only God. So, God decided to play this game of being an individual ego. It wanted to taste Itself in a limited form. Jokingly, we can say It got tired of being the unlimited. ‘This is too [boring]…, where’s the excitement in this? I can’t be hurt, there is nobody other than Me.’ [Chuckles] ‘Where is the excitement? I need some drama in My life.’ And the Lord said ‘Okay, I will play as all of these Beings and know the taste of being limited.’ Then He says ‘Enough, enough, enough. What am I?’ But even in the coming to this, It doesn’t want an abrupt end to this movie; doesn’t want it all to end suddenly. ‘I’m coming to My Godliness again. I’m dropping the notions; so many notions.’

Okay, whatever it might be, since you started coming to Satsang, a large percentage of the notions must have been dropped. I’m sure there could be some that still stick around; that’s okay. The sticky ones can still be there for some time. You might even have picked up new ones in Satsang. But at least this much must be there, that if you come openly for some time, many of your notions that you carried when you came are not there now. At least this much has to be true. Then, just to come to this notion-less Existence, God is dropping them.

Now, for some it happens in a flash. Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] at 14 or 15 years old had this experience where he felt like he’s dying and he said ‘If I die, I want to be there to experience it. So, let me lay down and see what actually happens.’ And the Seeing that, in the openness to the death experience, it is the same thing that I say; the fear of the unknown, the wobbly, concept-less, notion-less Existence initially can seem a bit wobbly. But if you can just say ‘Okay, let me see what happens if I just go through this’ then you will see the wobbliness is no big deal for You. But, in going through that, for some like Bhagavan, was where all of this conditioning was dropped. But even then, what happened in Bhagavan’s life? For many years, he remained in silence. That marination that Guruji [Sri Mooji] talks about. Then, even to come to that notion-less Existence can seem like ‘What is there to speak? What words are needed?’ And then, Consciousness Itself puts words into that one’s mouth, saying that ‘Okay, it’s done in this expression, but I want to play as other expressions coming to this expression to hear: [Q]: What happened to you? [A]: I just dropped all my concepts about myself. [Q]: But, what does that mean? [A]:

What are you believing about yourself?

Who am I?

Ask yourself.

Bhagavan said ‘Who am I?’

Is it true that you are who you claim to be?

That is the question ‘Who am I?’

Is there truth to this notion that you might be carrying about yourself, that you are the body, that you are the mind?

In asking ‘Who am I?’ all these concepts about yourself are dropped away.

Many come crying into Satsang, saying ‘I just don’t know. This is just so sad! I don’t know.’ And I feel so happy! Because ‘you don’t know’ means you’re empty of a concept about yourself. [Chuckles] You see? This is not bad news. It is only, again, the conditioning we’ve been taught in school, that ‘You must know this. Be prepared for your exam. Prepare so you can say what you got on your report card.’ So, if you say ‘In my report card I got an ‘I don’t know’ it feels like it’s the worst news. But it is very good news. Actually, don’t even know whether you know or not. That empty; notion-less-ly.

The fact is that even to come and report that you don’t know …, something brings you to Satsang. There is a Supreme Intelligence which knows the way to log into Zoom and how to come to the house. So, life continues to function in one way or the other. So, that which needs to be known, that which Consciousness needs to run this life, is already with Consciousness. Consciousness does not need the aid of thoughts. [Chuckles] And God [pretending] is saying ‘I don’t know the next thing I should have. Do you have some thoughts on it?’ [Chuckles] We do. But does it go according to those thoughts? Then what is the point of this plan? “The way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans.” [Well-known quote] [Laughter in the room]

There is no use for any notion. It is only if we consider ourself to be something which is limited; then we feel like we need some advice from this inner guide (posing to be a guide) the voice of our individuality.

So, first you put on a mask that ‘I haven’t got it. Please take me to freedom.’ The one with the mask, nobody can take to freedom. All it is, is ‘Is this true? Are you really who you claim yourself to be?’ [Silence] ‘Is your pretense of being the body true?’

Q: Father, the Awareness being the overview…, this thing is also a concept, right?

A: Yes.

Q: Because that’s one way it gets stuck.

A: All concepts, even this distinction, qualitative distinction, between the hand and the finger- Awareness and Consciousness- the noumenal (the non-phenomenal) and the dynamic (or the phenomenal) is also a conceptual distinction that we make in Satsang, just to make the point clear. And ultimately, even this is thrown away.

So, whether Guruji [Sri Mooji] will call it ‘Is-ness’ or you call it ‘the Self’…, it’s the same thing.

Q: And being with Self is just being open to this moment fully.

A: And being closed to this moment is also being with the Self.

Q: I understand that.

A: We cannot leave the Self. But with Consciousness, we have to start using these conceptual boundaries, which means that when the dynamic aspect is just open to this moment fully…, or in the inquiry gets an insight about its Source…, that is the moment of waking up in the waking state or the awakening moment.

Q: So, when I hear the instruction ‘Just be with the Self, marinate in the Self’…

A: Simply don’t pick up the pretense of something that you are not. Simply put, it’s like that. Even if you do, you are the Self only, but you will pose ‘as if ‘you are something else. This is why we call it the ‘play’ of Consciousness.

Q: Father, the pretense is already picked up.

A: No, the pretense is dropped naturally every moment. I am happy we are having this conversation because, in this, are the primary doubts which we can get stuck with.

Show me what is picked up.

Without a going to a thought, is something picked up?

Naturally in your original state, are you Soumya?

Q: No.

A: The pretense is not picked up.

Q: There is nothing; nothing can become that.

A: So, you need a notion of being somebody to pick up the pretense. That’s why the mind has the tougher job.

Q: So, the rapid movement of mind, before we realize that it picks up, makes it feel like it’s always picked up.

A: Yes. It’s just because the habit has been nurtured for so long, that the smoker is now saying that ‘I can’t help it. I have to pick up the cigarette.’ Once you come to the rehab, as you are coming, then you’ll find that ‘Ah, the hand is moving. Sometimes the hand picks up, sometimes hand just withdraws.’

So, belief is one of the primal forces that Consciousness has created for Itself as part of this play. And now Consciousness is withdrawing belief from Its individual identity.

A: What I am saying is ‘Is an individual an actual, tangible existence?’ Can you show me the individual?

Q: As far as I see, the consciousness level is different amongst the entire humanity and some people are more inclined for Satsang, some people are at the earlier state, some people are completely not even thinking about it.

A: So, just because the movie has many characters…, let us look at it as animation. You could have drawn out hundreds of characters; a Donald Duck is different from a Mickey Mouse and both have different interests, different things that they want to do. But the light of the projector is the same. So, are you that character? Or are you the light?

[Silence]

In your expression, all of this is there. But when you come to Satsang, we are open to this question that ‘Am I an object in this world? Am I really an object in this world? Or could it be that it is the other way around; the world is an object in Me?’

And you don’t have to have had the insight of this, but at least we must be open to this question. If it seems too far out, then this might not necessarily be the best Satsang to come to. [Chuckles]

So, just this much openness has to be there that ‘Am I really this person?’ If there is constant belief in this ‘person identity’ then is there some real basis to that belief?

Otherwise, we keep on working on improving the person, becoming a better person …, all of that (which has its place in the world). But there are millions and millions of places who are telling you to become better people. This is one place where I am saying ‘Can we question that basic assumption that you are a person first?’

And that ‘I don’t know’ is a little bit scary. So, we don’t know, in response to that fear, what the next move is going to be from Consciousness. If you can find that ‘I don’t know’ and yet something is open to the looking then you will see all these words that I am saying are not some fantasy when I am saying that ‘You are that Light of this universe’. It will be your direct, tasted experience. But initially that fear of losing the identity can come.

And once we see that ‘I am not a person, there is no individual entity here’ the myth about so many people in this world will also start to dissolve. Can it be that only I am not a person? [Chuckles] It cannot. Like, someone went to Guruji [Sri Mooji] a long time ago and she said ‘I can see that I am not a person, but I cannot believe that my husband is not a person.’ [Laughter]

Once you really see that there really is no individual entity here, that all has been this play of light and sound, of Consciousness Itself…, then that is why we call it the leela, the leela of God. We also have seen that not a blade of grass in this leela moves unless it is the will of God.

Even if the person was there, what would be its role? If even the blade of grass is moving with the will of God, what is the person’s role? If every dialogue which is going to come from the actor’s mouth is going to be the will of Consciousness, what is the person’s role? If every hand movement is going to be the will of God, what is the person’s role?

So, it is something we have learned. We have learned to become a person. We have been taught by people around us, our parents and this mind has continually taught us that we are a limited entity, we are this person. And now, as we are checking, all these notions will fade away. Just a little sliver of openness and you will See.

Here [in Satsang] I don’t say to anyone ‘Believe my words’. You don’t have to believe my words. You just have to take one or two lines which you feel you find some resonance with in your heart and just look: Check if it is true.

I know you …, in your family these are strong words ‘Self-inquiry’ so they might be feeling like ‘I am not so attracted to this path’. But Self-inquiry is nothing like this.

It is just simply just checking. ‘Ananta said he has a thousand dollars cash prize for anyone who can show him ‘the person’ so can I win this prize? Let me produce this person which I believe myself to be and get a thousand dollars easy.’ [Chuckles] This much is Self-inquiry.

Who am I?

A: What do we mean by ‘Knowing’? We can have a concept that the sun is so many miles away from the earth. We could have a concept that there are so many trillion stars in the sky. It’s just a concept. Nobody has counted the trillion stars. It’s a concept from credible sources; it’s a concept that we picked up. Now, another credible source will come tomorrow, the next greatest scientist, saying ‘No, there are not so many trillion stars there are only ten million.’ So, we can have a new concept.

Why I’m sharing all this is because a lot of us feel like we’re spiritual because we have a lot of spiritual concepts. But it is not a true Knowing; it is a concept. ‘There is a Source, there is a God.’ It’s okay, it makes us feel better; whatever the reason we might have for having that concept.

So, this is conceptual knowing; just a concept. You don’t have a direct taste of it, even phenomenally.

The second is perceptual knowing, that which our senses are bringing to us. That there is coconut in front of me, there is a computer, all of you are sitting here; it’s being perceived. But if you ask the scientist, if you ask those who are into quantum physics, they will say all of this is just projection; all if this is just empty space actually. We are just seeing some play of light. Scientists now question our perceptual knowing.

Then what is emotional knowing? ‘I’m feeling so sad, sometimes I’m feeling so happy’ …, these changing emotions.

So, what is That which is prior to, or more original than, all of this knowing?

To know your Existence, which of these did you use?

Do you need a concept ‘I exist’ to exist or to know that you exist?

Did you see a visual of this existence?

Did you hear the existence?

Did you taste it in that way?

Is it an emotion you felt?

So, what is it that knows? What kind of Knowing is that which Knows my Existence and Knows that this Knowing Is? (I know at some point it becomes a bit subtle.)

So, not only is there a Knowing of this Existence …, but a Knowing that there is a Knowing of whatever it might be; including Existence. It is Knowing Knowing Itself.

Awareness is always Self Aware.

It has never forgotten Itself.

It is just the Knowing of Itself alone actually.

So, this Knowing (this Knowingness, which we usually call Awareness) is not about phenomenal conceptual knowing, phenomenal perceptual knowing or emotional knowing. It is That which is prior to all of this; that Knowingness Itself.

So, all this phenomenal type of knowing we cannot really rely on. There is no Truth which is the unchanging Truth about this.

But what about this Knowingness Itself, That which knows your Existence?

No concept is needed, no perception is needed, no emotion is needed.

[Silence]

That’s why I say, when I ask you the question ‘Are you aware now?’ …, did you have to refer to a concept, a perception, an emotion to come to the ‘Yes’?