BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

All that has happened during this retreat is that I have reminded you that You are the Self. This is your unchanging Truth. The dropping of the pretense only means that ‘I have considered myself to be something else. I have only always been the Self.’

Hopefully, we have demolished some ideas about getting to the Self or becoming the Self. And how have they been demolished? From our own insight in the ‘checking’. It’s almost like checking. If you had a mistaken notion that you are in Namibia; if you had a mistaken notion that you are sitting in Namibia and I just asked you to look around and see where you are and then you saw ‘No, [this is not] Namibia. This is a beautiful hall in Ramana Towers in Tiruvannamalai.’ So, you did not have to move an inch. You just had to check.

So, the idea of becoming, the idea of getting to the destination means that you might not already be there, you must not already be there. That is the mistaken idea. And yet we have always heard that ‘The Self is eternal, it does not come and go.’ And we have lived with these contradictions because we relied on these concepts.

You had this mental voice always telling us that ‘You are in the wrong place. You are not the Self yet. You are too small for that. You need to become great like the enlightened Masters. Those were the Self,’ it has told us. ‘You are not.’ But what have the Masters actually said? They have said that not only are we the same but we are One. So who is speaking the Truth? You want to become like them, but we don’t trust that they are the Ones speaking the Truth. We trust this one saying ‘Oh, we have to get to That’ or ‘We have to become That.’ So, it is not walking from Namibia to Tiruvannamalai, it is just the Seeing that ‘I am here already.’

That is why Shankara said that ‘It is not an action that you have to do, but only the dispelling of the false notions.’

How to dispel them? Just (as we have been doing) through our own intuitive insight. Consciousness has been revealing it Self to it Self. And no personal intervention is needed or can happen because there is no person.

Now I have a favorite game, but we will play it a bit differently today. The game is ‘I Am ____’ and then you have to fill in the blank with the highest insight you’ve had about YourSelf. Not something that you heard from me, not a concept you have picked up from a book or something, but the highest insight you have had about YourSelf. So, ‘I Am the Self, I Am Awareness, I Am Consciousness’ is the first part.

Then ‘but ______’ You have to expose ‘but _____’ and that which seems to be your greatest doubt your greatest ‘but’. (I Am ______ But ______.)

Whatever has to happen in the play is going to happen in the play. But there’s a blessing I have for all you.

May my Master’s grace always shine upon each and every moment in your life.

May His unlimited grace and love bring all of your Heart’s truest desire into your life with full auspiciousness.

And as long as you might even want to play, may that play be full of love peace and joy.

Even the tears; may they be full of joy.

Whatever the apparent play might be, You Are the Self.

And as you meet YourSelf, this is completely recognized.

Even in the interpretation, judgment, conditions,

the Self remains unchanging.

As Consciousness speaking with Itself, I know that the blessing is:

Play. Play as much as you like and come home as you like.

No pushing, no forcing, because I know that all of you are in the Satguru’s care.

I’m always available to all of you in this form of Ananta.

But my deeper blessing is that you find me as your own Inner Presence, Inner Satguru.

And recognize that all of this beautiful stepping-out of ignorance

is also happening in Your own light, by Your own grace.

May Your Presence lead to full love, peace, joy for all those appearing in your life.

Remember that there is nothing to remember and that You are never forgotten.

In the moment of looking, the finding is already there.

All your burdens you can safely leave here, at the feet of Arunachala.

All gratitude, all praise, to our Beloved Master, Satguru Sri Mooji Baba.

May His light bring all Beings to the recognition of the Self.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Q: You gave me some ‘homework’ Sunday night, and it turned my world upside down. When I came Sunday night (evening) as I looked in, I could drop behind my personality, I could drop into a deeper space and drop into the Witness. Beautiful experiences that I’ve had. But you asked me a very simple question. I had mentioned I was anchored in my personality. And you said ‘What if you weren’t anchored? And that grabbed me, and it turned me upside down.

So, the report I have is: Every moment is an invitation, and in that invitation is the timeless One. And as it delights, there is the Eternal Witness. And in front of that is the appearance (personality, body, actions) and it’s just extraordinary. And I am not saying that I grab that invitation every moment but there have been so many beautiful moments.

I guess what I am saying is that I can now I can start from there. Before I started as a personality myself and tried to ‘drop in’. But I think the pointing that you gave was ‘What if you started from Now, fresh; from the timeless?’ And then, as it evolves, it flows forth if it wants. It flows forth like this…, or not. And that’s all I have to say.

A: Very Good [Sangha clapping] It’s a very important aspect of how this expression is sharing satsang; not to start with the presumption of personhood, but to See fresh: what is your True insight? I am happy that I heard this feedback from some of you that this is what you are hearing actually. Because many times I keep saying this but it is still being heard from the pretense of personhood, and then the idea of finding God from that position (which can seem like a very cumbersome process).

What if there is an elevator? [Chuckles] That elevator is available Right Now to See that, actually, my Truest starting position is the Self. And all idea of destination was mythical. That’s basically what I am saying. And all the apparent movement is included in the Self.

[Silence]

You cannot leave It. And yet all things can appear and disappear within It.

And I am very happy also that I requested all of you not to take my word for anything, and I don’t feel like you are doing that. You are using these as pointers, and checking for yourself, and remaining with your Truth. Also, I like that some of you didn’t succumb to any peer pressure and said what was true to your experience. I appreciate that a lot. Because in this, our relationship is full of integrity. If we start following and we start saying ‘Okay, he said I am Awareness and I should not sound lower than that’ or something like that, then it can become another game. I am very happy. And with this integrity, all auspiciousness can only arise.

It is when we start playing games with ourselves that it can seem like the journey is long- winding. [Makes zig-zag gesture with hand] When you have this integrity in your heart (‘My truest insight is that I am still a person’) this is good enough for me. This is very good for me actually. Because then we have resonance between what is really going on and what the mouth is saying. Otherwise, many times we can hear something else but the mouth is saying ‘I am the pure Witnessing’ …, like that. I appreciate very much that some of you stayed with your own Truth and did not succumb to any peer pressure of the remaining seventy in the room. It’s very, very courageous and must be applauded actually.

Today is a very important day; very important [Chuckles] because what happened is, first thing in the morning when I woke up, and I had a meeting with a very enlightened Being. It was very beautiful, very beautiful. So, I said, “Why just me? Why don’t you come and meet the entire Sangha?” So, this Being said, “Yes, I am happy to come, but I have one condition; if they judge me or interpret me, then I will behave like a regular person.”

So, when this one comes, we have to promise not to judge or interpret. Promise? [Sangha replies yes]

This enlightened Being is coming now. What you have to do is, without judgment or interpretation, meet YourSelf.

[Silence]

Then I said to this Holy Father, “My children say that they find it too difficult to not judge or interpret. Please give them an easier way.” And then this Being said, “Okay, even if they judge or interpret me, in every moment I come back in my fully pristine nature.” He said, “This is my gift to you and to all those who are open to this recognition.”

[Silence]

This is the only true gift I have for you, this invitation to meet YourSelf, unconditionally. This is the only Truth there is.

[Silence]

Your Being (YOUR Being) said to me ‘It doesn’t matter, my son. Whatever your children might do, I am always Here.’

[Silence]

Your Being said, “All that which they consider their mistakes and sins are not important to me at all; they don’t make any difference. All the feelings of specialness or unworthiness, it makes no difference to me at all. I Am Here…, as Existence itself, the unchanging Atman.”

[Silence]

Taste your Presence. Smell the fragrance of your own Being. Hear the vibration, of the primordial existence. See with your inner sight, where all Seeing comes from.

Touch the Holy feet of Your own Self.

[Silence]

Your Being said to me, “I am the only Light there is. In my Light all things come and go…, and your Being is ever-free.”

[Silence]

Don’t forget your promise. In this moment, as the Being is here, we won’t interpret or judge it, because then it will act just like a regular person. And now we are yearning for the taste of the Being itself. The person was a beautiful play, which was fully enjoyed, but now the Heart’s longing is for that which is beyond time and space, beyond coming and going, beyond pain and pleasure, beyond all things. Meet the holiness of Your own Self.

[Silence]

Let there be peace, let there be peace, let there be peace.

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.

[Silence]

Did you meet the enlightened Being? Nice meeting? Yes? Or no? (Audience replies Yes) Can it ever leave you?

[Silence]

That chair was perfectly positioned, no? …, for my story. [Chuckles] Some of you were waiting for somebody to come and sit there [Laughter]. I didn’t plan it that way, it just happened.

Are you going to make it a short-term visit to this enlightened Being? What interpretation, what judgment, what notion, what question, what concept, is greater than Your Presence? The Light of the universe itself is You.

What else do we need to hear? What needs to be said now? And what was the promise? The promise was even if you interpret or judge, in this moment, your true Being is here. What can be better than this?

[Silence]

We might delude ourselves completely for as long as we want but in this moment, all this delusion is gone. Your Truth is here, and in the Light of this Truth, all activities, all movements of this world are happening. And this body is not excluded from it. In this freshness of Your own Existence, all things move. You don’t have to understand anything, don’t have to forget anything; You are Here. You have considered this ‘I am Here’ as if it is the existence of something small. Now you don’t have to believe that it is something big; you just have to drop the notion of ‘small’. Your Being needs no belief.

[Silence]

So, then you might ask ‘Has all of this been much ado about nothing? Because the Truth has always been here.’ In a way we can say yes, because it has been a play. It has never been lost. And to see this is to find YourSelf.

[Silence]

Do you have to keep this? Do you now have the strategy to hold onto this after the retreat is over? Is there a plan as to ‘How can I just be this Being?’ No such thing is needed. You couldn’t lose it even if you try it. You might be experiencing some states and they can be beautiful states, but know that all states are coming and going. That in which states are coming and going, is not going anywhere. That is the Light of even ‘states’.

Enjoy the joy, feel the beauty of it as a prasad, a gift from the Lord, for your beautiful silence. But don’t forget your own Lord, your own Being for the prasad. At your own feet, all prasad will come, all gifts, all offerings will come. You don’t have to renounce anything. Enjoy everything as it comes.

[Silence]

In fact, enjoy fully; one hundred percent.

[Silence]

This Being is the Supreme intelligence that has always run this life. It needs no help, no intervention.

[Silence]

It is Life Itself. So, what help would Life need to run Life?

[Silence]

If ever the deluded idea comes that ‘I lost it’ just meet YourSelf fresh. You are Here…, the most enlightened Being I have ever met. The only One, actually. All of these are Your forms, Your various shapes and sizes. There is only one of You, the same One that was there as the Light of the waking state itself.

[Silence]

Now when someone says ‘Are you truly enlightened?’ you say ‘I am the same as you, One Being, One Self.’ What does this mean ‘truly enlightened’? Who is not? Show me one who in this very moment is bound. What kind of game is this, where we go looking for that which is always naturally just Here. This is the game which Consciousness is playing with Itself.

[Silence]

Meet YourSelf. The pointing is clear. It does not have a ‘how’. Don’t waste time on ‘How do I meet myself? Meet YourSelf. You are Here.

Now my question to you, Consciousness, is ‘How do you want to play?

[Laughter]

This that IS, this ‘I Am’ is all there is; is all that You will ever be. Therefore, it is never a becoming. You cannot become That. You cannot get to That. You Are That.

[Silence]

Now, the question might come that: ‘Is this some sort of effort, to stay in this? Is this some sort of effort?’ But effort needs energy. Is there effort without energy? So, is energy needed to stay as You Are? Or is energy needed to pick up notions, ideas of who you are? For what is energy needed? To stay as You Are? To sit where you are, you don’t need any energy…, (biologically speaking you do; but you get the point).

But, to walk to the door, you need energy. To pick up the chair, you need energy. Therefore, it is the picking up which is effort. So, this is Seen simply, if you look at it like this. To just remain as ‘I Am’ is not actually energy and therefore, that is not the effort.

Then the question might come ‘But then, why does it feel like it?’ And hopefully, this question is a lot less than what it was on the first day. It is only because we got used to picking up these chairs. And because you got used to picking up these chairs, it might seem like that is effortless. But you can see that this is what has made us tired. Our suffering is a symptom of that tiredness.

[Silence]

We’re tired of this pretend-duality. To taste YourSelf, Your Being, Your Presence …, if there is a taste of heaven, this is it. Heaven is not another realm. It is Your true Existence. And hell is not another realm. It is this suffering because of this pretense of duality.

[Silence]

Could it be that all this sadhana, these tactics, techniques, practices, all these Satsangs, all of them have just pointed us to what is naturally Here; that which I couldn’t lose if I tried my utmost best? We have been trying to find ‘That’. You see the trick?

I feel the sitting example is very good. If I say ‘Sit exactly like you are sitting right now’ …, how will you do it? You moved. [Laughs] It is not a movement that is required. When we have a notion ‘How do I get there?’ there’s a notion of a movement required. ‘How do I take on that position?’ I am not asking you to take any position at all because all position-taking implies movement. And what is the good news? That whatever movement also happens, the Self remains unmoved, untouched. That’s why I said: You cannot even leave it.

Now some of you in this room have a very satisfied look on your face. And some of you are very disappointed, wondering ‘Was that it?’ [Chuckles] Both the satisfaction and the disappointment are just appearances within Your own Self. Even these apparent positions make no difference to Your Reality. They’re only various shades of the play, various shades of the pretense. That’s why I was saying the other day: Wherever you may wander, you will only find YourSelf.

[Silence]

So, I say ‘Sit exactly where you have been sitting’ and you see that ‘Oh, this is already true.’ Will you say ‘Yay! I did it!’…when you have been already? Or will you say ‘No, I haven’t done it yet; sit exactly where you’re sitting.’ [Chuckles] Even both these positions don’t apply. Both these positions of ‘Yay, I did it’ and ‘No, sorry, I think I missed it’ …, both of these don’t actually apply because you cannot miss it. You have to BE there to miss it. So, the ‘You’ is already there. All that is hopefully dissolving in this sharing is the notion of getting it, getting somewhere, becoming something; projections about the Self.

Is anybody stuck on the idea of ‘Where are the fireworks?’ You might not admit it. [Chuckles] (We can organize some fireworks tomorrow?) [Laughs] All these ideas of supernatural abilities, fireworks; all these at best are by-products. None of these are necessary. Not even any special states. If they come they come, they come. If they don’t come, they don’t come. What does it have to do with Your Existence? Are You existing less because of no fireworks? Will You exist more because there is a special state? Existence remains untouched.

Sometimes it’s better if there are no fireworks, because you’ll mistake that to mean freedom. And when they go (because everything that comes, goes) when they go you will say ‘Ananta, I had it; now I lost it.’ How many times have we heard this over the years? So, it was not that the ‘it’ again was misplaced, as if it is a special state (a loss of thinking, a quietude might come, some special energetic movement might start arising) …, if you mistake these as the Self or as proof of recognition of the Self, then again, an idea of suffering can be picked up. Because if they can come, they will go. What comes, goes.

I know what the trouble also is. It is because we have heard all these stories; and in India we have heard even more. [Chuckles] ‘He sat for a thousand years in a cave, to the point where there was a big ant hill around him which enclosed him completely…, and then he got his enlightenment.’ [Smiles] You hear that story. ‘If I get a promise that it’s going to happen six lifetimes later, I’m okay with that’.

But what did he say when he found this truth about himself? Did he say ‘I really had to sit for these thousand years?’ He never said that. He said ‘I only found what I have always been.’

The great Sage Ashtavakra; at no point had he said that you have to become that. He said ‘You Are. I Am.’ So, maybe in the play, that one has to sit for thousand years to get rid of that idea of becoming.

But if you like believing all these esoteric stories, then let me give you a proposition:

All of you in your previous lifetimes have sat in meditation for nine hundred and ninety-nine years, three hundred and sixty-four days, twenty-three hours, fifty-nine minutes and fifty-nine seconds. And the fruit is available now. [Smiles]

[Laughter in the room] You feel I’m lying? [Chuckles]

[Silence and lingering laughter]

Then there can be a notion that ‘Oh, Krishna said ‘Only one-in-a-million will get it.’ He didn’t say that, but there is this popular notion. So, what is the population of this world?

[Someone says]: Seven billion.

Seven billion. Now, how many are in this room?

[Someone says]: Seventy.

Seventy. [Laughter in the room] Sounds like better odds than Krishna gave. [Chuckles] You have no reason to doubt Your Truth.

[Silence]

And what did this seventy out of seven billion get? They got that ‘There is nothing to get. I have always been.’

[Silence]

Okay, also we have to count those who are online. [Watching the retreat live online] So, thirty-two? You are counted in these, okay? [Smiles] It doesn’t mean that you have to be in this physical location.

[Silence]

So, finished? Game over?

Can we put the pen down? The autobiography is done. What happened? Nothing.

[Long silence]

You don’t have to hold on to anything.

[Silence]

Your Being has promised me that It is always there.

Q: Namaste. If everything is predestined, is enlightenment also?

A: I never said everything is predestined.

Q: Oh, I thought this was pre-written script.

A: No. [Smiles] Did we speak about this? Anyway, it’s a popular notion. It is to bring some rest to our mind, the notion of pre-destiny. Because that would mean Consciousness is not fresh; it is operating on some pre-written script.

But Consciousness is completely free…, because it is prior to time and space. So, in that way the will of Consciousness is predestined, because time does not apply to it. But if you feel like it is some robotic existence that consciousness is living out, that is not the case. It is just a sort of level confusion. Because as long as we consider ourselves as the object within time, it can seem like ‘Whatever is to happen with me predestined.’ But what You are finding for YourSelf, this Being you are discovering, is it subject to time? No.

So, this Being is prior to time. Your Being. And the discovery of this is Here Now.

So, rather than ‘predestined’ we can just say simply it is will of Consciousness when something has to happen or not. Because predestination brings this notion of time into it, and Consciousness is not subject to that.

A: You said that until 2009 there was great belief that everything is God’s will, everything is God’s grace. Then in 2009 an event happened where you felt like ‘No, this could not have been God’s will, this couldn’t have been God’s grace.’ So, you said that ‘I have to take back charge of my life. I can’t leave it to God.’ Then until 2015, it continued to be a mess and then you started coming to Satsang. And now, something seems to be shaking up again.

Now, most of humanity is actually misunderstanding surrender. Let me tell you why. So, what can often happen is surrender means that ‘You do it; You run my life.’ Isn’t it? And that is a beautiful first step. But it’s not the full step.

Q: It’s not the full step.

A: It’s not the full step. ‘You do it; You run my life’ or the recognition ‘You are doing it; You are running my life anyway’…, that is half-surrender. Because you have surrendered the doership over but you have not yet surrendered the experiencer-ship over. ‘You are the doer, I’m still the experiencer.’ And this creates too much dichotomy, too much conflict.

Now, if we considered ourselves to be an individual experiencer of what the higher power is doing, then always there comes some events which we don’t agree with. And you will say ‘Why, God, are You making me a victim of this?’

So, the first step to surrender (this half-surrender) ‘You are the doer’ deepens in this surrender and then it becomes ‘You are doing and You are experiencing, my Lord. What is my role in this play, I don’t understand.’ Then that deepens further in to ‘You are the one doer, one experiencer. This me was never here.’ So, that’s why the surrender and inquiry is the same; true surrender and inquiry is the same. But if it is this kind of half-surrender…

In Sanskrit they say ‘Tvam karta, Tvam bhogta’ is surrender. This means ‘You are the doer, You are the experiencer.’ But we know that (especially in our Indian culture it is very much like this) this popular notion is this half-surrender. ‘You are doing, but please make sure what You are doing is taking care of me’ basically. So, it’s basically a business deal that we are making with God, saying that ‘I surrender to You. But by the way, I’m keeping one eye open, okay? And You better not mess this up, because then I’m going to take it back.’

So, now the surrender that we are discovering is ‘The one that is doing is also the one that is experiencing, let’s surrender to that one.’ And we come into clarity about Who that Is. So, if you keep God AND me in the equation, then it can seem like a lot of things will still be squeezed out of you. Because God didn’t agree to this deal. Did He say to you in response (when you said ‘God, I’m surrendering to you, please take care of this me.’) did He say ‘Yes, it’s a deal.’? God did not say that. Because God wants to experience Itself as God Itself ultimately. It has been playing as ‘me’ but it is not fine with that. It gets tired with that play after some time. So, the other half of the contract was never signed.

So, the point of this first step towards surrender is not so that you can go back and forth in this first step. It’s so that we can also go deeper and come to the second step; which is that One who is doing, the Light of my Existence, is the One that is perceiving, that is experiencing everything also, it is only One. This One is this all-pervasive Reality, this Consciousness. This is the fruit of the surrender.

So, if you surrender at the Master’s feet or at God’s feet, we must surrender both the aspects: the doing and the experiencing. This must become God’s life then. ‘Do with it what You want.’ It can’t be ‘I surrender to You; do with it what I want.’ Although it sounds funny when I’m saying it, you will notice how much deal making we have done like that. You see? ‘I surrender; do with it what I want’ is not true surrender. It is ‘I surrender to You; do with it what You want.’

Q: When you earlier said ‘I Am’ some obsessive thought came to me and it doesn’t leave me, that ‘I Am’ is somehow…, it’s just ‘I’…, there is no ‘am’. When you said ‘Self-awareness’ also; there is no ‘Awareness’…, there is just ‘Self”.

A: Sometimes it is the words which could seem to be causing some trouble. There is just the Self. But even to say ‘There is just the Self’ …, It needs to be aware of Itself, otherwise it’s just an idea. So, is it just an idea or is it an insight?

‘There is just the Self’. Now, we can’t know it as a concept: ‘There is just the Self’. It is as useless as any other concept. I say often that if we have the notion ‘I am a person’ and then we pick up the notion ‘I am the Self’ that both are just as painful. In fact, just the idea ‘I am the self’ could be even more suffering.

So, this report ‘I am the Self’ must come from a deeper insight about YourSelf.

When we say ‘Who am I?’ and we find ‘I Am This’ …, whether we say Self, whether we say Brahman, whether we say Awareness, we see that it is empty of all the phenomenal qualities; yet the Knowingness, the Awareness, the primal Witnessing, doesn’t go anywhere. It just Is.

So, we can say that ‘This Awareness is the essence of the Self’ or we can say that ‘It is the Self Itself’. It doesn’t make so much difference. Whether we say ‘Awareness is the essence of the Self’ or we say that ‘It is the Self itself’ …, the pointer still works either way.

Did I lose you somewhere?

Q: They are just different words of One.

[Silence]

A: This is very beautiful because all these words that we are using in Satsang also are thorns. We are using thorns to remove other thorns, and then all the thorns are thrown away, including these. As you are already dropping all distinctions, all words, nothing is needed. But there are some who have some conditioning about some words, so we have to use some words to remove them.

What I’m speaking of actually is the emptiness which is empty of concepts about yourself; not empty of experiencing. Because in this realm of experiences, when it is there, experiences will come. We don’t have to run away from any experience.

We are empty of all notions about ourselves. Then you see that this dynamic movement of this world, which is in the Light of my own Consciousness, on the screen of my own Consciousness, continues to play out…., but we become empty of our notions about it. And that is helpful because without a notion we cannot have a grievance, you cannot have pride. Without ideas about yourself, all that we call suffering is nothing but all of these things. So, those are dropped away.

So, instead of this life continuing as if it is the life of an individual entity, the life of the ego, life continues as God’s life.

So, if there is an aim in this life, for you I can say: Let it be God’s life.

You don’t have to do anything to get there. You don’t have to become God, because You already Are. Only the mask of the individual ego is just kept on the side; don’t worry about it.

What you are now is what Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] was. And he is constantly saying the same thing. I know to the mind it can sound like blasphemy or arrogance; it is not. Somebody asked him ‘What is the difference between me and you?’ He says ‘I stay with what I see myself to be and you go with the mind’s representation of what you are.’ He did not say that there is any fundamental difference. We are the One Self.

[Silence]

The other good news is that the truth does not have to be believed; only the false needs belief. Do you have to believe something to exist right now? Do you have to believe the notion ‘I exist’ to exist? But you need the notion of your limitation to pose as if you are limited. If you can spot this, it’s very cool. The truth is un-reliant on any concept, the false only relies on concepts (and some other sensational, circumstantial evidence that it can use the concepts for). That is why I say that this moment is my best friend; this moment is your best friend. Actually, only this moment IS.

[Silence]

So, how many of you are willing to rely on your insight about who you are and open to dropping (okay, I hesitate to say’ all inferences’) most inferences of about who you are? If you rely on insight, all this what I’m speaking will seem very straight forward, actually. You might pick up the most obscure-sounding scripture. You might pick it up read the words of some great Sage and say ‘This is exactly the insight I had in the shower this morning. What is the big deal? Why have they made scripture out of this?’ But if you have to too many inferences about yourself, then it might seem like it’s very abstract, it’s very confusing.

Q:  Can you look with me? You know, when you asked Shivani ‘What can you control?’ it felt like I can control my attention.

A: If you let go of that sense of control…

Q: But it led me to the sense that there was…, that I wanted to control my thoughts. Then it went to controlling thoughts, so…

A: So, let’s look at this attention thing properly. It’s a great opportunity to go to what Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] was saying. ‘Either surrender or inquire.’ Surrender means ‘Let it be. Wherever it wants to go, it can go.’ Inquire means ‘Who is attention reporting to?’ or ‘Whose attention is this? Who is controlling attention?’ Either way, we will come to that ‘let go’ state.

Q: So, can we inquire?

A: Letting go doesn’t seem easier? [chuckling]

Q: No, it doesn’t seem to be easier because it feels like you let it go but you seem to pick it up. I’m talking about myself. It seems that it gets picked up again and again.

A: Okay. And that’s also fine actually, because letting go means it can go wherever it wants. But if you want to look at it, it is a beautiful contemplation to see ‘Where does attention come back to? or ‘Where does attention come from?’ Because here in this contemplation, all qualitative distinctions in the Self, they dissolve. You will not be able to say ‘Attention reports back to the dynamic aspect of the Self, which is Consciousness or that non-phenomenal Self.’ You will see that it reports back to the One Self, empty of any distinction. Tell me if this resonates with what you are Seeing.

Q: What I’m still seeing what you made me [see]. I’m still seeing that. I’m so confused now

because it was going back to an ‘I’ which was just still.

A: So, what happened to it? [Chuckling] Attention was reporting back to an ‘I’ which was still, so now the ‘I’ is what?

Q: But I don’t know who that ‘I’ is.

A: So, ‘I’ doesn’t know who the ‘I’ is?  Which is more real? The ‘I’ which is the still one or the ‘I’ which doesn’t know? Which one is actually here? Show me that one which is confused by it. Show me the confused ‘I’. Confused ‘I’…, hazir ho. [Confused I, present yourself!] Present the confused ‘I’.

Q: There are no two ‘I’s.

A: Then you’re saying ‘one still ‘I’…, I’ve got.’

Q: That’s the confusion.

A: The confusion is there, but whose is it?

Q: It’s the one who’s trying to find the ‘I’.

A: What did I say yesterday? I said all confusion is about a mistaken identity. ‘I am confused.’ In that statement, what is the mistaken identity?

Q: It’s that ‘I’ …, that ‘I’m something’.

A: Where is that ‘something’? I would completely respect it even if it had a tangible existence, even phenomenally. Show me this ‘something I’.

Q: Other than a feeling, it’s not there.

A: A feeling cannot be I. A feeling is just a feeling.

Q: Yes.

A: It’s just a sensation. Are You a sensation?

Q: No.

A: That’s why I said the other day, how long will Consciousness point to a sensation and call it I? That is the play of Consciousness. It can taste the sensation, it can find joy in the experience of that sensation, but because the sensation is present, does it become the entirety of You, or at best a small aspect of You?

Q: Father I, I know, I mean… [Mumbling]

A: Okay, Right Now, there is no confusion, okay? You know this very well. Because for confusion, you need two conflicting notions; and all notions are gone. Now, Ms. Consciousness, how would you like to play next? [Chuckling]

Q: It feels…

A: Slow it down; really slow it down. So, when it feels, there is feeling.

Q: It feels like there are two there.

A: So, there’s a feeling of two.

Q: One who just knows and one who wants to find; another who wants to surrender. It’s noise.

A: Show me. Are they tangible entities? Or are they just ideas?

Q: I can notice now that I’m trying to find this Self in a tangible way.

A: Yes, and Bhagavan said what? The trouble with Self inquiry for many of you is that you are trying to look for ‘some-thing’ when you ask the question ‘Who am I?’ I’ve often said the best way for Self-inquiry is ask the question ‘Who am I?’ and then leave it unmolested with your answers. You keep harassing it with your answers and then it feels like it becomes confusing.

The questioning itself is enough; because the inquiry happens, the question directs, in this play, directs the looking in that way on its own. You don’t have to answer. This is not a classroom.

Because our habit has become to find the best answer and therefore get ten-on-ten, we feel like we’re doing well when we have the right answer. You see?

The Self will not be an answer. In fact, you will come to this beautiful ineloquence. You will say ‘But this is a game! What do you mean ‘Tell me what I have found’? Nobody can tell you.’ And all these pointers will also seem hollow. These words ‘Consciousness, Awareness’ will mean nothing. When you see what You Are then all these milestones, pointers, become irrelevant.

Q: I will just sit down.

A: Yes, but don’t carry a limited ‘I’ on your backpack as you’re making this journey. Because if it’s still whispering in your ear…, what is that Indian story? Vikram and betal [Laughing] whispering ‘Ahh, this is what you’re finding.’

What you’re finding is what You have always been.

When you say ‘I’…, what do you represent? Say ‘I’. What is that representing?

Okay, let’s try again. Say ‘I’. [Sangha says ‘I’] Is it representing a group of sensations? Is it representing an idea you might have about yourself? It can represent all of these things. We are just playfully looking at what the truest representation is (if there is such a thing).

[Someone says]: Presence.

Presence. If this ‘I’ is a pointer (like I was saying yesterday, Guruji [Sri Mooji] calls it ‘the chameleon I’) it can represent a variety of concepts.

But does it also represent That which is empty of all qualities?

Can it also represent the primal Witnessing principle itself?

Don’t be scared of these words. That about which Ashtavakra said ‘You are the solitary witness of all things.’ He also said ‘I am wonderful indeed, beyond adoration.’ Which ‘I’ was he talking about?

Could ‘I’ also represent That which is beyond all boundaries, all limitations? In fact, the concept itself might not apply.

So, what is the mythical notion? All these things that I’m pointing to? Or all that we have believed about ourself?

When we come to Satsang initially, it can sound a bit strange, actually [Chuckles] …, almost mythical. ‘You are without boundary. You are the one solitary witness of all things. You are the boundless ocean in which the arks of the universe come and go.’ It can sound like some fantasy, isn’t it? But could it be, is it at all possible, that this is our Reality, Right Now…, and we’re just interpreting it differently? Because he did not say you have to become the shoreless ocean. So, either he was a complete liar or a fool if it is not true. He said YOU are the shoreless ocean. And I doubt very much that Ashtavakra was either of these; a liar or a fool.

What is real about you? What about you is independent of any concept you might have about yourself, which needs no crutches at all to stand on? Is there something which is independent of any other thing…, which cannot point to anything else as a cause?

I’m hoping that one of these statements will hit home somewhere. Only one of them has to. [Chuckles] You don’t have to understand what I’m saying or believe it. But it could be that you hear ‘You are the boundless ocean’ and something just opens up to this insight.

It seems like for most of humanity, ‘I’ has represented some sort of a conceptual mix of body and mind. And we’re questioning it. Only that much openness is needed.

Could it be that although I have invested so much in this concept of ‘I’ …, could it be that there is a greater ‘I’ which I am?

Q: Do you have to dissolve?
A: In the noticing of the concept of ‘I’…, automatically it is dissolved. You don’t have to dissolve it. Because we have no such tools to dissolve anything at all. What is the water we can provide to dissolve? [Chuckles and mimics stirring water in a glass] Just as I’m speaking, you’re just checking for yourself. Your checking for yourself. You’re looking for the boundary that you have believed to be your boundary and checking if that is truly your definition, if it defines you, if it binds you.

What is your boundary?

Show me where it is.

Does it end at some perception?

Does it end at some sensation?

All these sensations and perceptions, could it be that they are contained within You…, but they do not contain You?

I just want to open you up a little bit to any of these possibilities; with the innocence of a child. Because this one ounce of openness is very useful in Satsang; more than 100 conclusions that you might have had before. Actually, if you use this entire retreat with just a little bit of openness, that ‘the boundary that I’ve considered myself to have might not be real’ it is more than enough for me.

Just a little bit of openness that ‘I might not be this object that I’ve considered myself to be’.

Or even ‘I don’t know actually’ is completely fine. In fact, ‘I don’t know’ is very good for me. This is the opposite type of exam. [Chuckles] This ‘I don’t know’ for me, you get full marks. [Chuckles] Because we have known a lot of things, mentally, conceptually. And when we come to this ‘I don’t know’ then it opens a door to some true insight. [Silence] ‘I don’t know what I am.’ Someone here said something very beautiful. She said ‘I don’t even know; am I?’ This is a beautiful inquiry. ‘Am I?’

Our conditioning is to rush after conclusions. It’s like we don’t want to leave this retreat without coming to the conclusion ‘I am Awareness’ or ‘The pure Self’ or something. [Hits his fist into his other hand for emphasis] That conclusion is not helpful. Because how many times have you already heard that? The conclusion has been available from the beginning. But when it’s just a mental conclusion, the ‘but…’ does not go away.

If you came into this room and you had a blindfold on, and there was no glass [window] here, it was just a free-fall…, you had a blindfold on and people told you ‘You can take 10 steps but if you take the 11^th one, you’re gone.’ You have this conclusion, and it’s coming from credible sources so you trust it. But the mind can still come and say ‘But what if he’s just pulling your leg? What if it’s not true? What if they are just lying? Is he a true Master?’ But once the blindfold is off and you See for yourself, then This Is It! And it doesn’t matter if a 5-year-old child told you the truth. ‘The 11^th step, you’re gone.’ Then even the credibility of the voice which is telling you the truth doesn’t really matter because it becomes your own insight.

So, we have to move away from just beliefs and opinions and concepts. This is what Guruji [Sri Mooji] means when he talks about digesting food. Are we digesting what is being offered up? Or just collecting all this material and storing it in a warehouse?

Only rely on one thing, which is our own insight. And whichever Master you trust, use the words that he is offering you as pointers to your own insight. Don’t settle for any words as the truth. [Sri Nisargadatta] Maharaj said ‘I can only truthfully say that I Am, but ultimately even that is not true.’ Then why did he speak so much? There’s this big book ‘I Am That’. There must be some truth in all that he said. Although it is not the ultimate truth, there are beautiful sign-posts or pointers saying ‘Look there. Look here.’ But without the looking, without the insight, it doesn’t matter. The mahamantra ‘I Am That’ are just words; without the insight, they are nothing. Once it’s Seen that I AM THAT… [Silence]

So, all our scriptures, all of Satsang, is to provide this spirit field, this energetic atmosphere, and to point you in the right direction. But the recognition of the truth you will come to for yourself.

A: Suppose you had nothing to do about it…, if a feeling of some constriction is there, it is there. You noticed it and that is more than enough.

Q: Okay.

A: Nothing has to happen because of this. So, to take this metaphor even further, whatever is appearing in this body now has not even changed the position of your sitting. So, how could it have changed the position of the Self?

Q: Yeah. But what to do? I mean, noticing is there.

A:  That’s it. What other tools do you have? So, the lump [of constriction in your throat] is there. As I was joking yesterday; do you have a shovel that you can take the lump out and shovel it off?

A: No.

A: There is no such shovel, no?

Q: But it doesn’t dissolve by noticing.

A: So, let’s dig in to deeper. All you can do is: attention (which means noticing). And when the notion comes about it, to not believe that notion. So, one notion is ‘It should dissolve’ or ‘Why  doesn’t it dissolve?’

Q: But that’s not expectation; I am just observing. So, paraphrasing again, so you say noticing is enough. How is that enough?

A: It is enough because ‘What IS just IS’. If you have no expectation of how this should turn out, then it is enough. If you have an expectation of how this should turn out, then it can seem like it is not enough.

How do you know that lump has to dissolve? Maybe it has to become bigger and bigger and stronger and stronger. You don’t know that it is a lump also. It is just an energetic appearance, isn’t it?

A: Yes.

Q: Based on energetic differences, sometimes people say ‘Oh, this is just a lump.’ Others interpretation for them who are trying to do this kind of thing we will say ‘This is Chakra.’ Some are celebrating ‘Chakra is coming.’ Some are upset that a lump is here. [Smiles] How you know what it is? They are just various ways of interpreting what is appearing, interpreting Consciousness. You don’t have to. As you lose all distinctions, you will see ‘All is just One Self”.

And many times, benchmarks get created because of what is happening with others in Satsang. Every experience will be unique. I was saying yesterday that we have not heard of two Sages who had exactly the same journey to get to the Self. Because if we had, then that would just become a template. ‘Yes, do this, this, this.’ Map out their life journey and say ‘This is what you have to do to get to the Self.’ But in imitation, we don’t get it.

A: When the ‘I Am’ is here, this entire world appearences comes into play. You have nothing to do with that play.

This is what I call ‘level confusion’. [You said] ‘I see that I am beyond even ‘I Am’ and that’s why I didn’t want to come up.’ [To the chair and mic] So, you are talking about two different I’s in same sentence. Isn’t it?

When we take our insight and apply it back to an individual seeming-body/mind, that’s when we do (are trying to do) what I jokingly say as ‘We find the ocean and then we try to fill it back into coconut.’

What you are discovering is your limitless Self. But then you are trying to associate that with your body somehow. What does this mean for the body? Nothing. You already said that ‘The body, mind and the entire world is just appearing and disappearing.’

Q: It’s just a kind of nothing.

A: Yes. [Chuckles] Even that is the part of the play itself. But there are some alarm clocks in the play which say ‘ting-ting’. And it’s a common aspect of our so-called spiritual journey, that all of you have had true insights about YourSelf, but then you are still trying to correlate it back to what it means for your emotions or your sensations or your body. But you’ve already found that this, all of this, is movements on the surface of your Existence. The greater part of You is untouched by any of this and therefore, you can just let it be.

[Silence]

What does the insight you had about YourSelf have to do with this structure of flesh and blood? [Ananta puts his hand on that one’s arm] What does it have to do with this? [body] Can this one own that? [Chuckles] Can some blood, flesh and bones…, own that? No.

The Self is your natural state. (It is not a ‘state’ actually. We can use that term.) It is naturally what You Are.

Now, how many steps do you have to walk to get to it?

And even if you walk a few steps, can you lose it?

[Silence]

That’s the beautiful thing about this. Where ever you may wander, you are home.

But you have given to yourself this power to pretend as if you are not. That’s all!

How many feel that the separation actually has happened and I need to put it back together again?

I was joking (maybe with a child) the other day and I said ‘All the king’s horses and all the king’s men could not put Humpty Dumpty back together again’. So, if the Self was broken, nobody can do it. If it is divided, nothing can put it together.

You have continued to be the undivided Self.

No separation has actually ever happened.

We’re just playing this game of pretense, delusion and recognition. That’s why this is the leela, the play, of Consciousness itself. (It is not even that, actually, but it is my favorite explanation to give you because it is unexplainable.) In reality, there is no answer to ‘Why?’ Remember. Why does this happen? My favorite answer is: Consciousness or the leela of Consciousness.

So, what ‘trying’ still remains? We were talking last night, some of us. They said ‘Some contraction appears or some fear comes.’ So, I said ‘What tools do you have to pluck out that fear?’ The appearance of the fear is there, attention goes to this fear and the fear becomes apparent. Then the interpreter will come with a notion about this fear and say ‘This should go.’ And you can give your assent to this notion, and you can take this position that ‘I don’t want this fear to be’ …, but to pluck the fear out, what is the tool that you have? Nothing.

Just the noticing of it is enough, actually; just the attention going to it is enough. We don’t have to take a position with regards to it. And in the play of this world, it seems like the position that we take seems to amplify it actually. The resistive position that we take seems to amplify it.

When we pick up the notion that ‘It should not be’ …, let’s call that ‘resistance’. And in that notional position, in the play (it seems like it is designed that) that which was just with our attention, now along with that notion, it seems to be bigger. It doesn’t really become bigger but it seems to be bigger.

What I am saying is: Leave your attention to do exactly what it wants. See how that turns out. Because actually, this trying to move attention (although we can talk about it and we do) actually even that is notional. Because the One that moves attention is not the identity.

What does attention report back to? It is our own Self.

So, when I say ‘open’ this is what I mean actually: Let your attention go wherever it has to go.

Another thing which often happens, which I wanted to mention to all of you, is you will say ‘I had the insight that I am this Self or Awareness, but …, what about ‘me’? I found this Awareness. Nothing is happening to it. I see it is unhurt, untouched. But how does that help ‘me’?’ [Chuckles] And when this question was coming often, I gave this question, which was ‘Who is aware of even of this Awareness?’ And that seeming distinction between ‘I’ and ‘Awareness’ starts to fade away. [Silence]

Who is that which is saying ‘Oh, Awareness is untouched, but what about ‘me’?’ [Silence]

That’s why I was saying the other day that we don’t carry the ‘monkey me’ on the backpack as we cross the portal of ‘I Am’ this way into the unchanging Self. [Silence] You know what it means to cross the portal this way? Okay, so, this is just metaphor, okay? [Chuckles] Many take all these things too literally and they are trying to cross the portal. [Makes running gesture with hands] [Laughter]

So, Awareness; no pain, no trouble of any sort. [Raises one hand, keeps it still] Then ‘I Am’, the same ‘I’ …, now is ‘Am-ing’ (let’s put it that way). Same ‘I’ (there are no-two I’s) now is ‘Am-ing’…, is Being. And when the Light of this Being comes on. [Raises other hand and moves it to show circle] Again, we use the term Light as the Source, or to convey that: Only when this IS, does this world of appearances start. So, the light of Being, and then this play of appearances. Any trouble so far? There was just I, now ‘I Am’ and this world has appeared. Any trouble? Anything can appear, right? No trouble.

Then one of the appearances is that which we call mind. With the appearance of the mind itself, any trouble? (Someone from audience indicates trouble). ‘Not just with the appearance.’ [you say]. Let’s see, let’s see. [Chuckles] It’s appearing. It’s saying ‘You are a cat, you are a monkey, donkey’ whatever. With the appearance of it, still no trouble. It’s like cars are moving on the street. If I don’t have to cross the street, no trouble.

The road in front of my house, for those who come from other countries, they find it very difficult to cross. [Chuckles] Isn’t it true? So, like that. So, till the idea came that ‘I have to get somewhere, I have to do something, I want something’ there is nothing to cross, nowhere to go. So, no matter what the thoughts are saying, they can all come and go.

Yet, the idea once ‘believed’ can create this ‘apparent, limited entity’ which is not complete, and wants some sort of completion (either through fulfillment of some desire, or whatever else the mind might offer up) as the solution to our limitedness.

This is when trouble starts. The play of appearance is coming, no trouble…, [Makes hand gesture of one hand still and other hand rotating] including the mind. No trouble. It’s an aspect of Consciousness Itself. But Consciousness Itself has given Itself the power to ‘believe’ these energy construct called thoughts (or mind). In the object itself, there is nothing to believe or not believe.

You see what I am saying? How many of you have heard this? Like when you look at an object per se [Picks up a bowl] I say ‘Don’t believe’. Does it make sense? [Chuckles] First you have to pick up the notion of its existence, like ‘Does it exist or not?’ and then it might sound like I am asking you to disbelieve the notion of its existence. But the object itself, there is nothing to believe or not-believe. It is only a concept which you can either believe or not-believe.

How many are seeing what I am saying? [Looks around the room] No? [Chuckles] So, it is only for one set of these appearances called mind (which Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi said is ‘a bundle of thoughts’) …, for this mind (this definition of mind which is that it is ‘a bundle of thoughts’) the power of belief is applicable.

So, this belief leads to what? Does it ever lead you to becoming more than what you already are? [Silence]

There is a whole new movement of positive thinking. It can feel like ‘Okay, if I can just think positive, believe positive, I will become more than what I already am.’ But even for that, you need to have notion of yourself which is somewhere down there, which then needs to then elevate itself to a higher level.

But what did you find yourself to be in this natural moment Right Now?

Is something missing?

Are you short of something?

Do you need to be improved upon?

(Without a notion, okay? I know when a notion comes, it’s like ‘Aargh’. [Makes a hand gesture of being overwhelmed] [Chuckles]

In just your insight (that’s what I keep reminding you; not inference, but insight):

What do you see about yourself Now?

Is there some improvement needed on that?

‘Self-improvement.’ [Chuckles] No. Nobody finds this one who needs to be improved.

Q: I don’t know.

A: ‘Don’t know’ is very good. But my proposition to you is that in THIS moment, what You Are Now is all that You will ever be.

Q: So, I said, I’m not sure if I’m getting the question itself, the ‘Are you aware?’ It’s kind of clear what is this. ‘Are you aware of the table?’ Yes. Or ‘Are you? Do you exist?’ I can say yes. And ‘Are you aware? is kind of is empty for me. I don’t know…

A: Good, good, this is good so let’s start there. When I say ‘Are you hearing this voice?’ you will say yes, because you know what ‘hearing’ is and ‘voice’ is. Isn’t it?

Q: I see what you mean.

A: So, when I say ‘Are you seeing this body in front of you?’ You say yes because you see that you are seeing. If I say ‘Are you hearing this body in front of you?’ [Laughter]

Okay, let’s say, are you hearing this photo frame? [Points at a photo frame] No, because you know what ‘hearing’ is. You see that you are ‘seeing’ it with your sight with sight and you’re not ‘hearing’ it.

So, you have to know both sides of the equation which is ‘what is hearing?’ and ‘what is being heard’. In the same way, ‘what is sight?’ and ‘what is being seen’. If you had no idea what ‘hearing’ was and I say ‘Are you…, (let’s invent some word) …., ‘Are you ‘jumpaficating’ a body in front of you. [Laughter] You don’t know what ‘jumpaficating’ is so ‘I am not jumpaficating.’ [Laughs]

Now when I say ‘Are you aware ‘OF’ something?’ you say ‘I am aware only because of the ‘OF’ …, what is being perceived. But if I were saying ‘Are you jumpaficating this tissue box?’ But are you aware of this tissue box? (Yes.) Yes. Therefore, you must know what ‘aware’ is. Just like you know what sight is, what hearing is, and you don’t know what jumpaficating is.

Q: Like you are referring to some feeling of the Awareness.

A: You have to tell me what it refers to. We can go very slowly. So, when you say ‘I am aware OF my existence’ what are you referring to as ‘aware’?

Q: It’s a kind of…, just a…, just some knowing. Just something is in front. It’s just something is here and I can say I know it, but even later than it happens.

A: Yes, so for now we can work with that. So, it is a Knowing-ness or a Knowing. Now, is this Knowing dependent on anything at all for itself? Is it coming and going? Is it changing in anyway?

I lost you somewhere?

Q: Not yet.

A: Okay, good. [Laughter] You tell me when.

You say (very nice, actually) you say ‘It is just a kind of a knowing, a knowing.’ So, this Knowing…, what is the distance of this Knowing from you?

Q: It looks like sometimes, something is outside of it. It’s something trying to be inside of it, but that’s why it is outside. But it’s not always like that. Sometimes it’s just kind of blank or something.

A: Yes. So, let’s take the most primal appearance. Like you said ‘A knowing of existence itself’ or ‘I am aware of my existence.’ So, this awareness, what is its distance from you? That which knows existence also; where are you in relation to that? We’ll worry about that whether existence is outside it or inside it a little later.

Q: I must be somehow together with it, otherwise…

A: Yes, but when we say ‘must be’ it means it’s an inference. I’m more interested in your insight. What do you find when you look?

Q: Can you repeat the question?

A: Yes. I’m saying that when we say ‘Must be’ or ‘Should be’ or ‘Can be’, that means we are using the mind to come up with an inference. We have a concept of how it should be, therefore ‘it could be the Truth’. I am more interested in what you are finding when you are looking for yourself without making any mental conclusion.

So, the question was, this ‘I’ …, what is the distance between this ‘I’ and that which knows your existence?

Q: They’re a little bit separated.

A: Yes, how much?

Q: Just as much …, just enough to say that they are separated. So, I can see it like …

A: Okay, good. So, whatever you could be seeing, don’t be concerned about that. This ‘I’…, what are the qualities or attributes of this that sees even that?

[Long silence]

Q: This is another depth.

A: Yes. Now you don’t’ have to worry about any answers.

Q: So, actually, when I sit in meditation and try to surrender so I feel that, always there is an effort to stop believing the next thought or to drop the next thought. A lot of times it’s difficult to do that. Even when I sit in Self-inquiry and I just say that ‘I am not these thoughts and I am not this’ (and I can see that I am not the thoughts, am not the feelings) but once I am done with that, then it’s like I have to kind of remember that I am not this. It’s not actually vigilance; it’s like it’s just becoming a mental trick kind of thing, I feel. So, I mean, just yesterday for a brief moment, probably for a second, the trying stopped itself and then I could see that probably that’s the way to go, but I couldn’t get that state back. So, I am not sure exactly the way I should go with that.

A: So, the best place to start is: What is Here Now? Can you tell me what is Here Now? With no presumption of any future; with no reliance on any memory from the past, what is Here Now?

Q: Just the feeling ‘I Am’.

A: But is ‘I Am’ something?

Q: Yeah, as long as I don’t use my mind.

A: Yes, so it’s just ‘I Am’. Did you do something special in this moment?

Q: No.

A: What does that tell us? Because the Truth is ever-available to us; it is not reliant on some strategy of how to get there. Now, this ‘I Am’…, does it have any trouble with anything? Then why do we have to bother about that ‘pretend one’ who doesn’t even exist? The future is for that one, for the one who is saying ‘Okay, what happens when I leave the retreat or leave satsang?’ You see what I am saying, no?

That which You Are, Right Now, is the maximum you will ever be. It needs no planning, it needs no strategy. Already it is a gift to you. [Silence] And this is true about You in every moment. [Silence] You don’t have to believe it. You are complete already.

But then if we play with conceptual boundaries of past and future, then it can seem like it’s a bit confused because what is happening is that then it becomes about the life of a particular body/mind. But what you are finding about YourSelf now, is that You just Are. ‘I am not some-thing.’ Does This have a future? Does it have a past?

[Silence]

Now, if some feeling was to come, if lot of thoughts start coming, can these touch This? Can anything ruin This? [Silence]. That’s why it is said [speaks in Hindi] ‘No weapon can cut you, no fire can burn you.’ Some Sages have said ‘This entire universe might burn to bits, but I will remain untouched.’ Are they making an arrogant statement about the body? (No). The body will burn along with the world.

[Silence]

This is your Truth which is independent of time, independent of the outward appearance of what play is happening through the body, independent of sensations, feelings, emotions and independent of thoughts. Not fighting with them; not affected by them.

Q: But is a remembrance required to remove, to notice, the identification?

A: It can seem like that for a bit. Otherwise, what can happen is that I would have to share just one satsang and then ‘done’. But we have more than a thousand now. Nitya was reminding me earlier that we have some sixteen hundred videos now. Why so much; all of this? Because it seems that the habit of conditioning has the momentum of picking the bag back up. [Makes hand gesture of picking up with both hands] So, you need this constant reminder. Is this the effortless position? Or is it to put the bag down? [Makes hand gesture of putting bag down] So, every day, I am coming and reminding you all that in this moment Now, You are Free.

This is how Consciousness seem to playing at this moment. At one time, it will come also (I can’t predict when) but it will come and you will laugh at this. You will say ‘How was it seeming effortless to pick up thoughts, to pick up conditioning? And how was it seeming effortful to leave that?’ You will laugh at this.

It will come for all of us. Until then, we have satsang. [Laughter]

Q: When the mind is jumping, even though it comes and goes, then what to hold onto?

A: Hold on to Your Presence. [Silence] If you feel there’s something to hold onto, then you can hold onto Presence. If you feel like you’re okay without any holding, then just leave everything. Both are the same. Whether you hold onto your Presence or you leave everything, it is the same.

Q: How about going about the daily business without any undercurrents of tension?

A: Yes, as you hold on to your Presence, then you will see that daily business continues to happen. You don’t worry. And even when tension is there, tension is there. Don’t hold on to the idea of tension, hold on to your Presence.

Q: Okay. Phenomenal tension is okay. I have no problem with that.

A: What other type? A non-phenomenal tension is there? [Everyone laughs]

Q: This tension of, you know, of [wanting] that ultimate state.

A: That’s also phenomenal.

Q: That’s also phenomenal?

A: Tension about anything; be it the ultimate or be it lunch [Laughter] is phenomenal.

Q: So, I don’t want to hold on to anything. But that yearning…, will it die if I don’t want? Or what should be here?

A: Anything there?

Q: Yes, I want to experience the oneness, the beauty, the ultimate grace. Not experience, but be established in.

A: Yearning, the longing for the truth, doesn’t even rely on the notion of the truth for the yearning to be there. The yearning, that which we are calling longing, is not a mental want. What we call the longing is that which is just this natural inclination towards that which is real, which is true. And that is just there. It doesn’t need any supplement from the mind; it doesn’t need any notional support. No position had to be taken with regard to it. It’s like a natural momentum is provided to this life to move in the direction of this coming to Satsang, exploration of the self, inquiry.