BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

A: So, you said that you have a fear that you hope that you don’t mess up. More important is to recognize that as long as it is a phenomenal relationship like this, there are going to be mess ups. Mess ups are inevitable and mess ups will happen from both sides. You have to be very forgiving to yourself and you have to be forgiving of the other also. Because what happens is that when we get into these relationships, there are going to be differences of opinions, different ideas that both of us are carrying; and when ideas are different, in the play of the world, it can seem like some clash can happen because of different ideas.

So, recognize that this will can happen in a relationship between any two people but it can seem like it is much more strong, much more hurtful, much more difficult when it is in such an intimate, close relationship like boyfriend-girlfriend or husband-wife, these kinds of relationships. It can seem like it is a lot of suffering; a lot of pain can come because of these. But we have to just be forgiving, allow yourself your mistakes. Know that mistakes are going to happen and don’t be too much caught up in trying to be right.

Just remember that all of this is conceptual, so actually, there is no right or wrong. And most of arguments or trouble comes in relationships because one is trying to prove that they are right and another is trying to say that no, they are right. So, don’t be so concerned about trying to be right all the time. Allow. Allow things to flow. And even if you recognize that there are some wrong notions which your partner might seem to have, wrong perceptions about you or the world, don’t be too much in a rush to fix it.  You can point them out gently, you can knock gently and see if there is openness to that kind of conversation and then you can start pointing things out. But also remember that you have to be as open, more open. The more open you are you will find that your partner is open to feedback.

So, all my blessing are there for this relationship (and all relationships). And it might sound a bit funny or strange to say, but whatever is the play of this Grace, all my blessings are for that. There was one friend (who is of course much older than you) he was staying with me at one point. So, he said to me, ‘Ananta, when the relationship happened, so much Grace was flowing, so much Grace was flowing, everything was Grace…, but now, see where we have come’. And I reminded him that everything is Grace actually. It is not that Grace was flowing only then and now it has stopped. So, remember that everything that is happening is Grace for both of you. And ultimately, all of it is providing you so much opportunity for the recognition of the Truth, for your Self-inquiry.

So as much as you can (it is not hundred percent possible in every relationship to go completely open, but…) go as much open as possible. And may your relationship be like the relationship that space can have with space or air can have with air. You will find that so much joy will come; even in the apologizing after the messing up, which can feel like ‘No, no, I don’t want to do that’, but you find that so much sweetness is there. Later, when you look back at relationships, you will see that those moments were also very sweet.

So, don’t worry about not messing up…, you are going to and she is also going to. [Laughs] So, these are going to happen. But all your Satsang, all your insights about yourself, will come into use. Because the ego (the mind) will try to use the relationship to convince you that you are an individual and that you right. Many times, it will come to convince you that you are right and thereby convincing you that you are a person, that you are an individual, and this is where your Satsang will help.

Sometimes, in moments of anger or moments of high intensity, some angry words will be spoken from either side. It is a part of every relationship. But then, when that is gone, when you’re back of your spaciousness, then don’t hold on to this idea of ‘No, no, I was right to do that’ or ‘She was wrong to do this to me’. Be quick to apologize. Be quick to forgive also.

I wish you the very best in this new relationship and may it bring so much light into your life.

Q: Thank you, Father. I just want to expose. It feels like I have two big expectations about this kind of thing. The first one is that I want her to know about those kind of ‘spirituality things’ like me, because this is so important for me. And you know I find myself living like close in a corner and trying to sort of introduce her to this, but I know it’s really hard. And even with my family I can’t do it until now. And along with that it seems like there is the assumption…, there was superiority feelings in me, because I know ‘those’ kind of things, so ‘I am kind of higher than everyone because I am spiritual and stuff’ …, and I just want to speak it out.

Also, there is a fear of messing it up. But also, sometimes I see those kinds of really nice relationships in the Sangha and they post in social media and I have the hope that maybe I can really do something different. It doesn’t have to be really painful all the time. I can have really a sweet relationship for my whole life and die like peacefully and recognize the Truth together and it would be so good! These two things, those two expectations are really big and I want to expose them here somehow.

A: This is very good and I am going to tell you something that will save you a LOT of trouble. [Chuckles] I am going to say something which will save you a lot of trouble and actually if someone had told me this when I had got married or when I had started to become spiritual (somebody had told me immediately) I feel like a lot of trouble could have been saved here. Now, of course, I see that all of that is also Grace. But since you are here now, I will use this opportunity to tell you this.

You must be responsive to how open she is in that moment, you see. You must never try to make somebody more spiritual or tell them about something greater that you know. You must have a sense of how much resonance is there. That is why I say that with our loved ones, we must knock very gently. Knock gently and see if there is some resonance, if something is being heard.

Now, you’ve heard this probably, but it was a few years ago; what happened here (many years ago now) was that as I started getting into the inquiry and getting into spirituality, then Garima (my wife) sometimes would have a bad day at work (and this is the one instance which I really remember because I was really being a spiritual jerk at that time). So, what would happen then is that she would come from a bad day at work and say ‘You know, this one said this to me and this happened and I asked them to get this done and they were just not doing it’ (these kinds of things) …, and I would say ‘So, who is the ‘I’ to whom all this is happening to?’ And she would get really upset, because she was expecting to speak to her husband and vent out her problems; she was not even expecting solutions.

The other mistake that I’ve seen in relationships is that one can seem like they are always offering solutions but actually what they’re are looking for is just some understanding, some resonance, that ‘You had to go through all of this, I am really sorry you had a bad day.’ Instead of that, if you go and say ‘Can you go an investigate? Who is the One who had the bad day?’ it can seem like lack of compassion, actually. And it might not be your intent but when there is some specialness, like you mentioned, that ‘I have something special with me, let me show her how we can deal with life’ …, when we have that kind of arrogance hidden somewhere then all this can come in this way.

Adya said very beautifully once (Adyashanti said) ‘It could be that every word that you are saying is True…, it could be that every word you are saying is True but you could still be a jerk.’ So, how is that possible? Only when you are not operating in the moment with resonance to What Is; we’re just trying to show that we have a solution or we have some better understanding of life or knowledge of life.

This does not mean you have to become sheep and hide your own Truth. It is a fine balance in a way. You don’t have to be like sheep and say “No, no, I am also caught up in my mind all the time’ (these kinds of things). You don’t have to say things like that. You can say that ‘I have found a lot of peace in discovering that I am beyond this body and beyond this mind, but there are many times when we can still identify with this.’ So, you can be true to your truth and never put your partner down for her truth as she is it experiencing at that time.

Before I met Guruji [Shi Mooji] I used to visit Ramesh Balsekar very often. So, at one time I even asked him. I said to him ‘This inquiry (Who Am I?) and coming to this recognition is brining so much happiness here. But when I speak to my wife, she just doesn’t want to do any of this, she doesn’t understand. What should I do?’ So, he told me something also which helped a lot. He said ‘Wait for her to come to you.’ And this is something that is true for any interaction in life, any relationship in life. And you will find that usually I don’t speak so much about these things unless I am invited to.

So, you will find that will really really be something that will help the relationship; because our partners are always good at smelling where something is coming from. If they get a whiff of specialness or arrogance, then it can be very hurtful.

Q: [Shares that it’s good enough. That there are still expectations for happy relationship, but will be open. And thank you.]

 See if you cannot burden your relationship with too many expectations, because that can create a big burden. If the benchmark is really high, then when the squabbling happens, when some tension happens, when some trouble happens, then you can feel like you compare against that. I would even say: just try to have a very normal, regular relationship. And if it turns out that it is the BEST, forever relationship then that is a great thing. But if you put so much pressure on it and say that it has to be the world’s best forever-lasting (unlike any other relationship that you have seen) then it can create some sort of unnatural expectation from it.

I know that when we are young that everyone gets into a relationship hoping that it is going to be the best ever. That is not a bad thing. This feeling of the love that you are experiencing, being the strongest that you can feel for anyone; all this is very good. Just in the way of how it should function on a day-to-day basis, don’t burden it with some high expectations. And look at all of this as advice from a man with some grey hair. [Laughter] It’s not necessarily spiritual advice. Just having gone through this phase in my life, I can offer this advice.

Q: [Broken English]  You know, what I have been speaking to you about this, two weeks ago or so; there is still [something]. But just want to speak from ‘now’ experience. I can say that it seems like something maybe changed since then. Usually, when I don’t follow the thoughts and just stay as Being, I usually just experience this peace, spaciousness. But sometimes it feels like I would like to experience this Knowingness…

A: Okay, so first let me repeat what you say so I’m clear. You say ‘When I let go of my thoughts, don’t follow them and just remain with my Presence, a lot of peace and joy can come. But I want to also experience the Knowingness’. Now, is this what you said?

Q: Yeah, this Knowingness which is not burdened with quality. It seems like in the past, I have the experience of this, but now I just, it feels like now it’s different. You know?

A: Actually, all of what you said is included in that Knowingness, isn’t it? Because there is a Knowingness of this Presence; there is a Knowingness of this Existence, and there is a Knowingness that in this Existence all these flavors are coming. Is that Knowingness itself, does it have any quality, when you look now? That which knows your Existence, does that have any quality?

Q: When I ask ‘Existence’ I take it as what I perceive; so that would be like peace and space.

A: Okay, so let’s look further. I say ‘Try to stop being’ and there is a very natural sense which is beyond these sensations of peace and joy; just that I Exist.

Q: In that moment, I take that ‘I Exist’ as whatever I experience, and that would be peace.

A: Yes. But also you See that these experiences are coming and going and changing in quality moment by moment. That which is the basis for their coming and going; that Being…

Q: This one I want to experience. It feels like I want to really make only this pure and without any-ever attributes; to experience this, you know.

A: Yes. But it’s more. You are having that experience but more naturally than you think it should be. Because whether you say ‘I am angry’ or whether you say ‘I am peaceful’ …, the ‘I Am’ is experienced.

Q: Without any quality?

A: Now, what you are saying is that there should be a condition that no other quality is arising.

Q: Maybe because in the past, I have been having these experiences when contemplating. I experience somehow myself of as this non-quality-less completely. And now, it feels like sometimes I can even move around and really be in this, like consciously experiencing this ‘non- quality-ness’. You know? But now, here from now, it’s not like that.

A: That’s the trouble. [Laughter] Many times when we experience it without quality, we are like ‘Where is the bliss? Where is the peace? It is supposed to come with Ananda.’ Now because you have been in that recognition of what You Are, naturally some peace and some joy is coming. [Smiles]

Q: Its coming but I don’t want …, it feels like I am not …, I don’t…, because peace can come and go throughout the day and spaciousness can come and go, so I really don’t want to say ‘Oh, that’s fine with me; this peace and this’ because many times throughout the day, I don’t feel this.  I feel different stuff.

A: So, sometimes there is peace, sometimes there is no peace or some other sensation, some other…

Q: And it’s fine, actually. Even when there is no peace, it’s totally fine. There is only body; lots of attention on the body. It’s fine even experiencing thoughts, its fine. But…,

A: So, when there is no peace, if you were to ask yourself ‘Can I stop being?’

Q: That would be then that I would be asking ‘Can this body stop being?’

A: So, are you saying that your Being includes just the sensations of this body? Or there is something more basic than that; something more fundamental?

Q: In those moments when attention is on the body, it’s experienced that that’s all there is.

A: Okay, so let’s come back to Now. Are you aware that you Exist?

Q: Straightway, attention goes to what is experienced in the gap, that spaciousness.

A: That’s fine. Let it go wherever it wants.

Q: Subtle body sensations.

A: That’s fine. So, include everything. Wherever attention goes, it is fine. Are you aware of your Existence?

Q: Like, do I experience this spaciousness and subtle body experience?

A: Whatever the experience might be.

Q: Yes, I experience.

A: You are aware of this experience? Whatever you might be perceiving, you are aware of the perception, isn’t it?

Q: In this moment, the awareness, when you ask ‘Aware’ I take it to be, for some reason, only ‘Do I experience?’ Like, I cannot say what is Awareness in the moment.

A: That’s fine. Okay, that’s fine. In this moment, there is an experience. Now, that experience went away and even that you are aware of (like the sound of the ambulance is an experience that you were aware of). Now you see that there is no experience like that sound of ambulance. So, that Awareness is not gone, but that experience is gone.

Q: Yeah, now it’s more subtle. It’s like, again the outcome of it. It’s very light in the body of what I speak that is here. So, usually I refer a lot of the outcome of what is being guided to me.

A: So, my advice would be to, as much as possible, don’t bother with the outcome. Because that will become a habit, you will keep looking at the coconut and saying ‘What’s happened to the ocean?’

Q: Yes.

A: So, you are Aware of experiences and you are Aware even when that experience goes away. This that is Aware, is that itself an experience?

Like one way to say it is ‘You are aware of the experience, but that experience is not aware of you’. This You that is Aware of the experience, what is the taste of that?

Q: It’s just Knowingness, but without explanation somehow; without explanation of how it is known.

A: Yes, exactly.

Q: Something wants to settle on it and like experience it, but it’s never possible.

A: Yes, because there is no phenomenal taste of this Knowingness. It’s really a non-experiential experience; the only one we can have. I am aware, which means that ‘I am aware that Awareness is Here’. And this Awareness has no taste; no quality, has no attribute.

Q: But somehow it is Known now. But in other times, it is not known. It is only experience that is known.

A: Okay then …, you keep coming to Satsang. [Laughing together. Ananta raises his hand to hold questioner’s hand. Questioner shakes his hand instead and everyone laughs.]

Q: So, this Knowingness will become more apparent, or …?

A: Don’t worry about that. If try to keep track, it’s going to become more oppressive, this tracking.

Q: Yeah, so now, then throughout the day when I am into this…, when I have time, when I feel like I have nothing to do and just do nothing? Or no, no…, more when I am actually in the body more; I am really experiencing these body sensations? What is the best way of…?  Because in the moment, it’s more (in a good way) impacting in my memory whenever I experience something really deeply in the body; that ‘No, it’s not true.’ Somehow it helps as well, you know? ‘It’s not, true what you experience.’ The deeper truth actually has been experienced. It’s somehow Known you know? …, but not as ‘now known’.

A: What you are finding as your insight in the Satsang, you will find that these insights don’t actually leave you. When I said ‘Don’t worry about it’ was because sometimes we become very feverish about that, we become like ‘Oh, this should not leave. Am I doing something wrong?’ You will see that just a natural expansion will happen. That’s why when we are in Satsang, actually that most of the things I am saying is to come to this insight. And that much itself is enough in a day.

Q: It’s true. And actually, afterwards, I can spend the whole day or even a week and there is just deep Knowing, even without experiencing something. You can experience whatever. It’s just deep Knowing that everything is fine; all of this. So, just basically confirming this more and more.

A: At least, during the time that you are in Satsang itself is more than enough. But whenever it feels natural, not too forceful, even for the rest of the day. Because many, I feel, are also struggling; struggling with this thing. ‘Oh, no’ like, in the middle of a relationship issue then we are trying to force too much, like ‘I am the Self, I am the Self’. Like that. Only when it feels natural, light and easy. And then you will see that ‘I am always just This. All of this movement of this, the world, and what is spoken through this mouth and the phenomenal experiences which have been had; all of this is just on the surface, moving around.’ It will become more and more natural.

Q: It feels like it is sometimes good to confirm like that. Even now it’s confirmed, but sometimes it’s just …

A: No, it’s very good. Whenever it feels light, natural. And you can always come. Don’t feel like ‘Oh, but I just asked him.’ You can come tomorrow or you can come again.

If you are going to hear something in an untroubled way (if it is going to trouble you, then leave it) but if you’re going to hear something in an untroubled way…, if you just look at this little deeper, you See that:

Only the Self Is.

Only Is-ness Is.

I don’t want to inject an ‘I’ in to this now. So, before the injecting of ‘I’…, the ‘I’ that could inject or not inject:

Is that separate from the Self Itself?

[Silence]

I See, I am not this.

I See, I am not this.

I See, I am not this.

I See, I am not this.

I See, I am not this.

I just See.

This Seeing-ness,

This Knowing-ness,

This Awareness,

Is Your only Self,

Is Your only Reality.

[Reads from chat] “Even the most intimate body sensations are Seen in ‘I Am’. Do these not aid in the sense of Existence? Or can Existence stand alone, untouched by any affirmation of Its Existence?”

The ‘I Am-ness’ is the affirmation of the sense of Existence already. This is already the affirmation of your Existence, when you say ‘I Am.’ It needs no other ‘something’ to exist.

And those of you that enjoy some of these contemplations, you can notice:

What is that which is there, first thing in the waking state?

What changed when you woke?

All these sensations are coming and going.

You never experience the exact same sensation twice anyway.

But the ‘I Am’ is always the same.

The Being is unchanging.

These sensations are coming and going.

Therefore, independent of all sensations, You Are.

And if this is confusing, ask yourself: ‘Can I stop being now?’

And don’t just ask yourself: Try to stop being.

Don’t be.

[Silence]

You will taste for YourSelf the independent nature, the effortless, natural Existence;

This ‘I Am’.

[Silence]

You are discovering Its spaciousness in which all movements, all appearances, come and go. But this space remains untouched.

Let’s talk about the Self. [Laughter] But about the Self, nothing can be said. [Smiling] So, maybe all that we are doing is talking about how to get rid of the ideas of the non-self.

But strangely enough, they all gone now. In this moment, the Now, there is nothing.

So, first, shall we invent some trouble then try to get rid of it? [Laughing] That is why it is called a play. Let’s pick up an imagined problem for the imagined entity, the imagined ego. Then let’s discover how to be rid of it. Or just enjoy What Is.

The greatest Being in the world is Here.

Your very Existence.

[Silence]

But there’s a knock on the door. We’re enjoying our Presence. Suddenly there’s a knock on the door. ‘Knock, knock, knock.’ And you know who it is. It is the same guy; the mind. ‘I have something important to say. Leave your Presence for a minute.’ [Laughing] ‘Because this is really important.’ And all that I am saying in Satsang is: Nothing is more important.

It can seem like an exchange. You can truly never exchange Your Being, of course. But it can seem like we make this exchange of this beautiful Presence, the ever-present Being, with just a notion the mind is offering up. It’s like you’re already vacationing in the most beautiful spot in the world but this Travel Agent comes and says ‘You know, I have brochures of some very beautiful places. Would you like to see?’ And I know that human curiosity is such that if I say ‘Don’t see’ then it can seem too difficult. ‘Maybe he had a better place after all.’ [Laughing] So, you can look at the brochures. Let them come and go. You See where You Are, and Know that there is nothing better than this. Any experience you might have will just be a moving shadow in the light of Your very Being. You don’t need any fireworks, any excitement. All that can come and go.

[Silence]

Empty of concepts, of ‘How this should be’ the greatness of This is apparent to You. That is why these days I am not saying so much that it just is so simple, so regular, because that has been misunderstood. The discovery is simple. What is discovered is the Greatest. But it cannot be captured with your mind. It is beyond concepts and perceptions. But it is not beyond You.

That You Exist is not a concept for You.

It is your living Truth.

That You are aware of this Existence is not a concept for You.

It is Your Reality.

And this Reality, that You are aware, is unchanging.

If there is an unchanging Self, this is It.

You don’t have to go looking anywhere else.

All of you already know that that which appears, disappears; that which comes, goes. Then what are you waiting for? Something to come? Something to happen?

[Silence]

The Travel Agent has offered real tickets but where have they got you so far? That which the mind has sold you in the past…, what amazing holidays have you had with the mind?

[Silence]

Nothing is greater than what already Is.

[Silence]

How many are still waiting for that special movement, that special experience?

Imagine that it has happened. It has come and it has gone. And now You are Here. You just had the biggest Awakening experience and Now, You are Here. This Being, this Here-ness, this Is-ness, has not changed; whatever your previous experiences might have been.

[Silence]

Who is Here Now?

What is Here Now?

This is God.

This is the Self.

Hasn’t God said ‘I Am that I Am’?

You are that ‘I Am’.

[Silence]

Which is the ‘I’ that Is?

Who Is?

I Am.

This ‘I’ is which one?

Who is the ‘I’ that Is?

A: I just want to remind you that this is the nature of the mind. We met in the retreat, we had a beautiful meeting, and you said to me that ‘Father, the only thing I want to do for the rest of my life is say Thank You to you.’ Not so long ago. ‘For the rest of my life, the only thing I want to do is say Thank you to you.’

Q: Just a month ago, exactly a month ago.

A: Within a month, it has gone from that to saying ‘I don’t know what you are doing. You are not helping me at all. There’s no end to suffering.’ This Is the nature of the mind; this is the nature of ‘me’. It is completely unreliable and yet we rely on it to make a position for ourselves.

That’s why here it is clear that when seemingly beautiful moments are coming and beautiful praise is coming, I know ‘This too shall pass’. [Laughter in the room] And I know when anger is coming, tantrums are coming, all these are coming I also know that ‘This too shall pass.

The thing that is happening is that as long as you carry this ‘me’ around and you keep checking on what’s happening to this ‘me’…, now here, it was like this but who was in Australia and who is here now? When you check, you find that ‘I have not moved. All these appearances are changing in my own light’. This is clear to you, I know this. And yet, when the story comes ‘Oh, when I was in Australia I was not suffering.’ And yet, there were many interactions we had from Australia also where you were suffering. So, don’t go with these unreliable reports from the mind. It is just selling you a story which has no reality.

What is it that You truly Are? The only end to this suffering which you are experiencing is to let go of this story of ‘me’, to let go of this idea of ‘me’. What happens for you is that the way that the world is meeting you right now, in the form of your family, in the form of your relationships, it can feel like ‘This is too aggressive, this is too unfair, this is just so just unjust’. So, these buttons are being pressed and then you are looking to spirituality for some sort of relief from that suffering which is coming from these close attachments.

That is why my advice is to you is that these situations will keep changing; the people involved in the situations will keep changing. Although now it might feel like ‘Okay, it is only these people who can cause me suffering’ but it is not that. It is the design of this play, in which events and people will keep changing. And as long as we are holding on to this idea that ‘my life, me’ should be a certain way; including the idea of ‘Where is the relief? At least the relief should be there’. You say ‘I have no expectations, I don’t want anything from you, but at least relief should be there.’ That is immediately an idea, that is immediately an expectation. And this expectation is giving you the pain. The emotional, the psychological pain that is there, it is only because you have an idea that ‘My master, my parent, my family should not be this way’. But the world is what the world is. As long as we keep having this argument about what is appearing, it can feel like there is no peace. This argument is other name for the ego.

Ego is nothing but a resistance to what is.

Q: With all these things happening, I can see that I’m being pushed to release, to open up. I can see the buttons being pushed only to open up more to my family expectations or to not expect that it would go this way or that way. The work is happening. But it’s very intense, Father. [Inaudible] I didn’t want to come. So much anger is coming up toward you. The voice is saying ‘Don’t speak to him.’ [Inaudible]

A: Use this. Use this as an opportunity. This voice which is saying ‘Don’t speak to him!’ Because that one wants the power.

Q: It’s not in the form of a voice, Father. It’s in the form of feeling, actually.

A: But in the feeling, there is an interpretation of what it means, isn’t it? Stay with the feeling. Without interpretation, it is just what it is. When it is interpreted, saying ‘This is saying ‘No!’ This is saying ‘Don’t talk to Father.’ And this is just remnants of that energetic movement that we dealt with mostly in the retreat. I can have this sort of residue and still try to claim control back in some way. So, don’t worry about that. Stay with That which is the witness of all of this. You say very nicely that ‘This is what the voice is saying. This is what the feeling is like.’ And what are you saying in that? ‘I am perceiving both of these.’ What is happening to That which perceives them?

Q: Nothing. And I can see that, too.

A: So, which one are you? Are you the feeling, the thought, or the perceiver of them?

Q: [Inaudible] Even though I am the perceiver of all of this, there is no willingness to say ‘Yes, I am That.’ I don’t know the answer for that question.

A: But look at this situation. It’s like saying ‘What is the color of the rug in front of you? What is the color of the carpet in front of you?’ And you say that ‘I see it is red but something is stopping me from saying red’.  This ‘something’ is the trickster. It’s just getting in the way of your insight about YourSelf and saying ‘Don’t admit that because then where will I go, what will I do?’ Once you see that nothing is happening to That which perceives all things, then whatever the mind is reporting about you and convincing you that this is true (‘My Masters are abandoning me, my family doesn’t love me, I am being pushed from all sides’) …, which ‘me’ are we talking about? In your insight you are finding that there is no such ‘me’ which is me to push from any side. But because there has been investment in that story, if you admit that so simply, the mind is very upset.

For days, I have had this story and he just comes and says ‘But look: It’s not real; it’s not true’ then obviously it can seem a bit upsetting for the mind.

Q: I can see, Father, what you’re saying. I can see that.

[Having read a chat message, Ananta says]: The short version of what she is saying is that ‘There still comes some anger towards you. The mind says ‘You, Father, are not helping me get rid of the ‘me’. How much am I going to go through? So much I have trusted you, had faith. Why do I still have to go through so much?’ And ‘Why is Father not giving moksha to this mind?’ And then she says ‘By saying ‘Father’ this includes all the big guns like Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharishi] and Yogi Ramsuratkumar.’

This trust…, and exactly this is one of the  few rare highlights of Satsang which I posted on my own timeline, which is the interaction with you only, where we talked about the meaning of true surrender and true devotion. Our idea of trust is ‘I trust you make things happen my way’. And that does not mean trust at all.

Trust means ‘Whichever way Bhagwan [God] is keeping me, that is the way I’m meant to be’. Our mind hates this idea because without this idea of ‘Where I’m supposed to be, what I’m supposed to be, how my life is supposed to be’ there is no utility for the mind, no use for it. So, it will resist this idea with all its might. Like Guruji [Sri Mooji] says ‘The fear is if I hand over my existence to God or Satguru, then what if he makes a mess out if it?’ Does that sound like trust? That’s not trust.

The mind’s job is to make distinctions. It makes distinctions between one body and another body, it calls one body ‘me’, it calls one body ‘other’. But where is this ‘me’? In this very moment, the one that has not dissolved…, can you find that one ?

This ‘me’ that all that of us are fighting and trying to get rid of does not exist; naturally in this minute. You have to bring the past into it. You have to project the future.

[Reads from chat] Q: ‘Actually, I see this, too. This ‘me’ is not here.’

Then? [Chuckling] Got rid of the ‘me’? Or no? You said ‘Help me get rid of the me.’ So, you See that this ‘me’ is not here. Done! [Chuckles]

How to get rid of that which does not exist? Only by withdrawing our belief in it. You see?

[Reads from chat] Q: ‘I see the space. In fact, it’s about getting carried away with these sensations which arise.’

There is never any trouble with the sensations in themselves. It is just the interpretation of these sensations. You see, ‘me’ is not a feeling. It is that these feelings are interpreted as separation.

All feelings arise in the great inclusive space, the great inclusion that is You. But we look at some feelings and say that ‘This makes the ‘me’ possible. This is me.’ This is the big trick. It’s just an idea.

If you had no notion of separation, if you had no idea of ‘me’ and ‘other’, then who is doing what to whom?

All our grievances, all our resentments, they fall away. The trouble that happens sometimes for all of us is that we see this clearly but quickly, as we are Seeing, the mind will come and say ‘But what about when Satsang ends? Then you still have your family to deal with and all this.’ But none of what I’m saying now will actually change. Otherwise, I would be speaking nonsense. If it was just temporary, then it would be just another set of concepts. But what You are finding is the unchanging truth about what You Are. This does not change.

[Reads from chat] Q: ‘What is happening here is that one moment I’m here in this ‘me’, and then I move to this space-like Being.’

What perceives both of this? Whatever the seeming-movement might be, what happens to That which perceives this? That is what I’m pointing you to.

It’s not that this spaciousness is a movement; that suddenly I look and it becomes spacious. No. This spaciousness is always there. It is just that we don’t recognize it usually. But when we come to Satsang and we are pointed to It, it is seen that all sensations, all movements, are within this One Being, One Existence. But we have used ideas and concepts to create a ‘me’ there, where none exists. And then this ‘me’ like the thief pretending to be the policeman saying ‘Rid me of me!’

[Reading from chat] “What can I do to realize that I am all alone and to realize it without falling back into delusion?”

Actually, even the concept of ‘alone’ relies on the concept of separation somewhere. [Silence] When you are checking on what is naturally present, you are just finding that there is just one existence: ‘I Am’ …, and this one existence is limitless. It is actually All There Is.

I want tell you that You are the unlimited one, the unlimited Being, which is the Source of all things, of all appearances. They come and they dissolve only within You.

Now, if we did not have the concept of ‘alone’ then this could not be troublesome. But I know this, that many times it can feel like this means that ‘I am the only one.’ And in that, hidden also again is the limited notion of what You are.

I am saying that You are beyond the play of one and many. You are that One which is beyond the phenomenal play of one and many. So, the concept of ‘alone or with company’ or ‘alone or with others’ does not apply. You are not a thing at all. If you were an object then I could say ‘Yes, are you an alone object? Or are there many of you?’ But you are not an object at all. You are That in which all time and space takes birth.

When you say ‘What can I do to realize that I am alone …, and to realize it without falling back into delusion?’ for this, I have some very good news. Just naturally, in this moment, whether your mind agrees or not, this truth is completely apparent to You, that there is only one Existence. It is completely apparent to You in this moment.

The only way to play ‘as if’ you are struck in delusion is to buy what the thoughts are telling you about yourself. But whatever they might be saying, in that very moment when you check, You will See that the truth has not left You. It is always Here.

So, the good news is that You never actually fall in to delusion. But many times, Consciousness seems to play with the pretense of separation or delusion.

That is why we have Satsang every day (Monday to Friday). As often as you can, whenever life makes the space for it, come to Satsang. And you will soon be reporting that ‘It just seems like it is impossible to fall back into delusion. It is just so clear to me that I can never be struck.’ And I will recommend, even then, to keep coming to Satsang. [Smiles]

[Reading from chat]: “Sometimes thoughts arise as a ravenous curiosity about something that is not known in the moment, accompanied by strong belief that I must know in order to be fulfilled, as if I am missing an integral piece of the jigsaw image of myself. I see that when these thoughts are not arising, when no thoughts are arising, there is no sense of incompleteness. This is simply Presence. Also, I see the play of conditioning; childish expression, the fears, the desires. They play through the body and the voice. But I recognize this is not who I am. I am not identifying with the play. I feel free”

In this play, for a long time we have relied on the lesser forms of knowing. We have relied on conceptual knowing, like if I can have the concept about something, I presume that I know it. Actually, we just have a belief, an opinion, about it. We don’t really know it, if it’s just conceptual. Then there is a greater form than conceptual knowing, but still a lesser form of knowing, which is perceptual knowing. ‘Oh, I know it because I saw it, I know it because I heard it.’ So, to rely on these perceptions is a greater form of knowing, greater than at least conceptual knowing, but it is still phenomenal; still part of this worldly play. And this perceptual knowing, then we can even expand into this sort of sensational knowing, emotional knowing; all these forms of knowing which is part of this phenomenal play.

Now, the beautiful thing is that in our notion-less-ness, when we are empty of just this conceptual notion about OurSelf, we naturally experience the deepest Knowing, the true Knowing. The Knowingness Itself, this Awareness Itself, is completely apparent.

But the instrument of this lesser knowing feels lost. It feels as if it is at sea. So, it tries to grab onto some beautiful concepts to explain what was actually known. And at times when it does not do a good job of it and it doesn’t have concepts to share, it can feel like ‘No, there is something insufficient in my Existence, in my Awareness of my Existence.’ And then it tries to sell us the idea that ‘Something has to be known for you to become complete.’

I am happy that you spot this. You say that ‘When I’m just Here, I feel no sense of lack or incompleteness. There is no need to know anything at all.’ This Knowingness is the source of all intelligence and that’s why it is also called ‘the Supreme intelligence’. What we know from concepts cannot even come close to the intelligence which is naturally just Here. So, we don’t exchange this Supreme Being for just a conceptual notion about ourselves. And all we can know in this conceptual way is just that; trying to replicate the beauty, the majesty of your Being in some words or concepts about yourself. All this is gone naturally in this moment and I just Am. There is nothing missing here. The Supreme intelligence of the Self is at play; in the play of even the phenomenal functioning of this world. Nothing needs to be done. Nothing needs to be not done. Just all that appears (including the movement of this body, including the movement of these words) all of this can happen in Your great openness, in Your great spaciousness, which is Your natural Presence.

I am very happy. One thing that I must point out to everyone is that many of you are reporting of this; how the mind can become very attached to even the Advaita positions and the concepts of Advaita. We feel like ‘These are the final concepts; I have to hold onto those.’ But that is not what I am saying.

It is very important. I am happy to hear these reports; [so that we can be] empty of all notions. That is why Bhagavan’s [Sri Ramana Maharshi’s] example is very good when he says ‘These words which are being shared in Satsang are just the thorns that we are using to remove other thorns; and then to be thrown away.’ Or he says ‘It is like the stick which we are using to light the funeral pyre and then that stick is also thrown in the fire.’

I am very happy because as you are noticing this, that means that you cannot create a spiritual ego out of this…, you know, that ‘I have the best concept now, I’m knowing the best things, and when this comes and I am just trying to…’

What happens is that we are still fighting conceptually with things when they appear. Say ‘No, no.’ In the heart, some grief would be arising, but outwardly you’re saying ‘No, no; nothing is happening to me, nothing.’ That adds like a resistance ‘What Is’.

As we remain with ‘What Is’…, whatever is arising is arising, we stay with the insight of what we Are, which is that ‘In my unlimitedness, all is welcome to come’.

So, we don’t need use our mind to resolve something in life or to fix or to clarify something.

Like Bankei said ‘All things are perfectly resolved in the unborn.’ Such a beautiful line. One of the most beautiful lines I’ve ever read. ‘All things are resolved in the unborn.’ And the unborn is our natural, notion-less Existence anyway. That means everything Is just what It Is.

[Reading from chat]: Q: It seems that in the heart space is where ‘I Am’ originates or resides, physically in the chest. The brain is here, is where all these sensed-perceptions are mixed in to the super-perception and attention to these perceptions. Meanwhile, the upper half of the body area seems (as silly as it sounds) to be where the Self is met…, when you say ‘Meet YourSelf’. My question is that it seems that although there is awareness of the lower portion of the body (legs and such) the meeting of the Self is not so prevalent here. There’s just a bunch of sensations called legs and feet and such. It has been bothering me …

A: Yes, the sense of Being (for most, I can say) seems to have its core or center in that which coincides…, (I am saying coincides, not locates) coincides with that which feels like the physical heart area. All of us have many layers of existence, and because this one layer of existence (the body) seems like the most obvious, most tangible one, we correlate all the other layers of existence in to this. So, that is why even many times in Satsang, the hand will go there. [Places his hand on his chest, heart area] Because although the hand is on the physical heart, it is actually something which is being experienced at another level of Existence, which is the level of Being. At the core of this, which Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] used to call this as the Heart, seems to be the center point of this sense of truth.

And yet, it has to be said that Consciousness does not always play in this way for everyone because for some…, even [Sri Nisargadatta] Maharaj used to say that ‘Just this sense of Being is everywhere and it has no core’. So, as part of this dynamic play of Consciousness, for some it can seem so apparent, like Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] used to say ‘Heart’ and [Sri Nisargadatta] Maharaj used to say ‘Everywhere, not just any particular location’. So, to this I have to say yes, that here it coincides where we see the sense of Being seems to have the strong light in that which coincides with what is experienced as a physical heart. But I can See that it is this Heart of Being which contains all other sensations, all other phenomenon. It is just that the position gets reversed where you can feel like ‘Ah, the true Heart is contained close to my physical heart’. It is Seen that it is this true Heart which actually contains all other sensations and perceptions; and yet it seems to have strong point of light, a strong point of intensity, closer to that which seems like a physical heart.

And yes, it is also true, the other part of what you say (I like the innocence and integrity with which you shared your report) that as we look at this, as we are meeting OurSelf, it seems like the attention goes to the higher vibrations and sensations which are experienced and they do seem to correlate with these body sensations which are higher up. But you will find more and more that these higher vibrations actually contain all aspects our existence including every part of our body, our feet, our legs, everything, torso; everything is included in that. But you, as you are meeting YourSelf, whatever seems most natural to you, just stay with that. We are not making any real distinction between the sensations. I’m just sharing, reassuring you that that is a natural, normal part of our worldly existence when we come to a deeper meeting with OurSelf.

Let’s look at it very objectively, if possible, based on whatever I am sharing in Satsang. If you were to take a poll and say ‘How worthy…, how much worthiness should be there in one to discover what I am pointing to?’ [Smiles]

Q: A poll?

A: A poll where they say ‘This much worthiness is needed.’

Q: Yeah, nothing.

A: Nothing. Because the only prerequisite is that You exist. I’m pointing to Your Existence.

Q: See, these are the Advaita answers that I have. I have this whole…

A: Yes. Yeah, you can have the notion for how unworthy you are or how worthy you are. What I am saying is that it is not applicable as a concept itself.

Q: No, it’s not.

A: The worthiness itself as a concept is not applicable, you see, because there is no benchmark for worthiness. I am saying that You Exist. And Your Existence is enough to hear what I am saying.

So, no condition…, no state…, no past…, no future…, nothing is needed. The tracking of worthiness as a concept is not needed. Because it is not applicable.

Q: Yes.

A: It’s like saying ‘How old does one have to be?’ (Even that might have a better answer, actually.) [Laughing] ‘How old does one have to be to recognize what they are?’ There is no such answer. Very young, Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] recognized from a very young age. There are many who recognized much older. No qualitative or quantitative distinction is needed.

So, worthiness as a concept itself belongs to a different sphere. It does not belong to what we are talking about.

Q: But, this concept doesn’t…, it’s not getting so much attention, but it’s always present. I mean, relatively speaking, it’s always present.

A: Like the scared soldier who was just waiting in the bushes; like a guerrilla you would say. Nothing is ever actually present except YourSelf, but what you are saying is it’s just like lurking somewhere in the background, waiting to show up.

Q: Yes, it’s just annoying. And I just want to expose it because it doesn’t get that much from me but it comes around and there’s always an attempt to…, it comes in many forms, interpretations, thought-processes…, even in dreams. It’s one of those stickier, annoying concepts that just doesn’t…

A: Yes. Do you have any recollection of…, what is your first recollection of feeling unworthy?

Q: Just as a child and getting a lot of criticism. Hearing that I’m not good enough ever…, all this story. And then getting told very much that I’m not worthy in clear words. My father was an alcoholic and said some very awful things. So, that was probably where it kind of started. It’s not unusual. I don’t blame myself for anything, for having a sense of unworthiness. But it is just there; now it’s being exposed. It was always there; it was always there for you, just to verbalize it, to expose…, more than I’ve done.

A: Yes. Very good. [Silence] And rightly said, it is not an uncommon notion. But I am telling you (I am telling all of you) that it is not applicable; in the sense that it is as useful as saying ‘How tall does one have to be to find Freedom?’ [Laughs]

Q: I hope not.

A: [Laughing] (You think I’ll give you a new concept.)

That’s what I mean by not applicable. What did you eat for breakfast today, besides whether you get Freedom today or not? You see, it’s like that saying that. [Smiling] It’s just not applicable.

And I know that (she has been in Satsang a long time) she knows that this concept is really not applicable. But this is the power of conditioning; especially childhood conditioning where something has been deeply ingrained. It can feel like there’s a period of time before it can seem just be gone. It is actually nothing. But to even see that it is truly never, ever applicable can seem to take a bit of time. But exposing it (especially exposing it in the light of Satsang and in front of the Sangha itself) is very beautiful.

Q: As much as that is the other end; giving it up to become super-worthy.

A: That’s why I say ‘Not Applicable’ either way.

You are the light of this world. All exists in the Existence of Your light.

Can you testify to the existence of even the sun, which seems like the biggest light you can come across? Can you testify to its existence unless You exist?

So, This Existence is being explored here. This is Your Being, Your God Presence. And your Presence is just Here Now.

This Now is not a moment in time; it is that Now in which moments come and go. But You remain Unchanged. It is That for which no time exists. And this is true about You Now.

Even now, if you were to check for even a minute, you would discover that all time exists only for objects in my perception. That which is perceiving them is not subject to any time. It is Timeless. And it is Here.

And all that is subject to time takes some space. But You are That in which this time and space appear and disappear.

And this is not some fancy esoteric description. This is just Your simple natural Reality.

Now, someone was saying yesterday that it will seem like a big magic trick, some weird strange thing, that That which is beyond space and time considers Itself to be such a small object, just a set of sensations, perceptions. ‘How is it possible? Why, why does it happen?’ [Chuckling] Consciousness. This is the play of Consciousness tasting Itself as a limited object and then enjoying the taste of Its discovery of unlimitedness.

Sometimes what happens as we are tasting this, our Unlimited Being…, you can say ‘This is too much, too much for me.’ [Chuckling] Yes, and that is true; it is too much for the ‘me’. But for You, it is what You Are.

And all of you, as you are having this insight about what You truly Are, will also start to notice that anytime there is a notion of suffering (whether it is a grievance, pride, whether it is guilt, whether it is resentment) you start to notice that Consciousness now must be believing a lie about Itself. That is why it is going ‘me, me, me’ …, therefore going ‘ow, ow, ow’. (Consciousness posing as a cat.) You cannot suffer without giving assent to a limited notion about YourSelf, including the notion ‘I should not be suffering’.

That is why one of my favorite terms these days is: Notion-less Existence.

You don’t need a concept to exist. But you do need a concept to pick up the pretense of the limited one. You do need a concept to suffer.

The non-existent me is the super-concept that all other concepts are selling you. But Your Being, God, is just here naturally and effortlessly.

And in Satsang, we move away from concern for this limited non-existent entity, to just starting to really enjoy Our very Presence, with all of its varied taste. Some can seem sweet and some can seem bitter. Pain can still come. But pain, when tasted without the additional burden of the conceptual me, is also beautiful taste.

This question is exactly what we are speaking on. What ever taste is coming, what ever sensation might be experienced, without the filter of this me, without the notion of this me, we find that all these sensations and experiences can’t overwhelm the space that You are. Your spaciousness is beyond anything that can appear in this space of appearances. And you will find this upon your own investigation.

Guruji [Sri Mooji] has this very beautiful example of this, about how it is interpretation which makes it seems so different. He says there is a sense, when you have to speak on stage or something like that; if you are not used to it, you can have a sense of stage fright and you might say some energetic appearances are appearing. And you might call that ‘Oh, I am so nervous, this is so bad, I am just going to mess up, it’s not good’ energetically. And you find another set of experiences, which are not so different energetically, quite similar energetically, that which you call excitement. Suppose you are to go on a big holiday that you are very excited about. A similar energy can come. But then you might say ‘Oh, I am so excited, I am so happy, yes, this is so good, see, I’m already starting to feel so happy and excited.’ Energetically, if you were to look at both the sensations, they are not so different. In fact, the entire energetic spectrum for the real You is really nothing much. It is just some little bit of sugar and spice here and there. But for the notional you, it is too much.

So, in this, as Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] said as you are finding what You are, all this concern about which sensations, which emotions, which perceptions, what is coming, what is not coming; all this becomes very light and easy. Of course, my preferences can still be there. Nobody wants to say Oh, I really want something bad to happen to my family, something should happen to this body.’ You are not really inviting these experiences. But the feverishness about these things becomes much milder. Even after we know that this is just a movie, usually we like to see happy endings in movies, isn’t it? So, there can be preference that this life goes with the ease and with spontaneity, and everything is well for all Beings; these preferences, these blessings, can be there. But there is a greater trust, that whatever is the will of Consciousness, whatever there is the will of God ‘Let Thy will be done.’

And mostly, it is a dissolution of this oppressive ‘why’. There is an oppressive ‘why’ like just ‘Why me?’ And there is a wonder ‘why’ just like ‘Why?’ The same term; mostly it is used in a very oppressive way. ‘Why, why? Why does it happen to me?’ And there is a wonder ‘why’ which is ‘Why is God playing this game?’ [Smiles]

So, as you resolve the ‘me’, as your ‘I’ drops away from representing the false, even if it has not come to the point of representing the Absolute, even the dropping away from the representing the false is actually enough.

There was a great Sage in India his name was Bulleh Shah. Bulleh Shah has said (one time he wrote this entire set of verses on) ‘I don’t know who I am, I just don’t know who I am.’ So, this ‘I don’t know’ is not to be looked down up on. ‘I don’t know’ is already the best news. That means the false ideas about YourSelf you have dropped.

That is why Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] said ‘True knowledge is merely the dropping of that which is false.’ The discovery of the Self is really the dropping of the notional me.

So, as we stop making this reference from just a set of sensations and calling it ‘me’, we stop making this reference seriously. Conversationally, of course, we can still operate in this world in the most natural way. But we are not taking this ‘me’ seriously now. With the dropping of this which is false, the truth is already apparent to You. You might not yet have the words for it. You might not seem to have an answer for it. It might seem like an ‘I don’t know.’ And that is fine.

[Long minutes of silence]

Is there anything more pristine? Is there anything more immaculate than dipping your attention in the Ganga [River Ganges] of Your own Presence …, and coming to the dissolution of attention itself, as You remain That which is just aware of even this Presence?

All worldly tastes, they are coming and going,

In the immaculate taste of Your own Presence,

It is just Here.

To tie yourself to world appearances which will come and go is suffering, is hell actually. And to remain immersed in Your holy Presence is peace, is heaven.

A: Who does the ‘I’ represent?  We’ve been doing this little exercise [Chuckles] to say ‘I’. Say ‘I’. [Glances at Sangha]

Sangha says: ‘I’

A: In this ‘I’…, what are you representing? Because it is the term we often use; very, very often. It seems to be central in our existence, this ‘I.  And if you check and you find that only a certain set of sensations which are being perceived…, those are ‘I’. And I can tell you that there is no actual reason why that should be so. All these reasons are just notional; just conceptual. So, in a way, we can say jokingly that you are being unfair to yourself if only some perceptions you claim as I and everything else you claim as other. There is no real reason for this distinction.

Then you come to this point where you say ‘Ah, all that is appearing is I. There is no reason to draw a line between I and another. All that is appearing is I.’ But then, I would say, it’s still being a bit unfair [Chuckles] because you are not including That which perceives all these appearances; and that there is no reason for even this distinction.

So, we’ve gone from identifying with only a certain set of sensations, to Seeing that all of these sensations are just perceptions within My own Being. There is no distinction to be found here to then make it seem that ‘I am that which also perceives all these appearances; and yet in Itself (although it is Known) it does not have a qualitative appearance.’ Now you have included all that appears and disappears, and that which perceives this appearing and disappearing; and you see that both of them are included in Your very Existence.

Now, you have included both ‘the birds’ as I: not just the birds actually, but also everything in which the first bird seems to be running about in; that entire space and time has also been included in You…, that which perceives first bird. And now that you See this effortlessly, you find that You are Aware of even this perception. This third bird, the unchanging, unmoving Awareness, is called the Absolute. Why Absolute? Because it is absolutely unchanging, absolutely untouched and absolutely without any labels (un-label-able).

This is what satsang is. I know that everyday I come and say different things for ‘This is what satsang is’ but this is what satsang is…, to move away from just this limiting notion that ‘I’ is something so small tiny, just a certain set of sensations. To include all sensations, all perceptions, all appearances, to include That which perceives and is the screen and the light of all these appearances. And then ultimately, to find that perception or no perception, That which is Aware of perception or no perception remains My unchanging Self. And although there is only one Self which includes all things, there are aspects of my Self which are changing and there is a greater aspect of my Self which is unchanging.

You don’t have to get to this, you don’t have to become this. This is what You already Are. All divisions, all distinctions, all limitation, all separation is just from concepts.

It occurred to me a little while ago that life is usually lived in one of two ways. Life is lived in one of two ways. One is ‘God Now’. You say ‘God is Here’. God Now. And the second is ‘me-ow’. [Laughter in the room] That is basically all we are saying in Satsang. God itself is playing in one of these two ways. ‘God Now’ or ‘me-ow’. [Laughs]

Some of you who practice Yoga will know; there is pose called Tree Pose. So, the ‘me-ow’ is like me trying to do the Tree Pose. For a while, it feels like ‘I can do this. I can balance this body leg like that’. But it doesn’t work. In the same way it can feel like (for a while) ‘Oh, the ‘me’ can actually work. If I try this, if I just be like this, if I just get this much wealth, if I just get this relationship, if I get these material objects or I get some kind of understanding about something, then ‘I’ could actually make this work’. The ‘ow’ seems to get postponed a bit, sometimes. But this is inevitable about the ‘me’ that the ‘ow’ is coming. [Smiles]

And if some of you are new to Satsang and wondering ‘What is he going on about?’ …, the ‘me-ow’ is something which comes from the example of the cat-identity. You pick up the concept of ‘me’ and the suffering which is the ‘ow’ is bound to follow.

Now, the logical question which you can then all ask is ‘Okay, well then what do I have to do to not be in this ‘me-ow’ state? How do I come to this ‘God-Now’?’ And for this, I have the best news…, that there is nothing You have to do. [Smiles] It is naturally what is already present Here-Now. That is why it is ‘God-Now’.

It is never ‘me-Now’. The ‘me’ is made up of a set of ideas picked up from the past and projections about the future. And what can happen is that the mind will take this which is Presence Now, which is present Now, and say that that is a ‘me’. But this is not true.

Your Presence, Your Atma, Your Being is the Presence of God Itself. So, when God is Now, the ‘me’ is a pretense, just an idea. And you Know ultimately that it is a lie because you taste the suffering of this lie. [Silence]

So, there is nothing really that needs to be done. But you don’t have to ‘do’ this nothing also. Many times, when we say ‘Nothing needs to be done’ then we actively ‘do nothing’. But that is not what I am saying. [Chuckles] I am saying nothing needs to be done; and yet all doing can appear and disappear. There is an openness and allowing of all things to happen.

But for God to Exist, what pre-condition could there be? Then we have the idea that ‘Only after I do a certain thing, God will be’ …, that means that God’s Existence is also pre-conditioned on some state. And this God is not worth it. The only God that is worth it is the one that just Is, irrespective of what the appearance might be. So, the [Hand Gestures Outward] ‘me-ow’, ‘me-ow’ is also happening on the substratum of ‘God-Now’. [Chuckles] God does not go away even when God is playing with the notion of a ‘me’.

I was saying the other day that this notion of ‘God-Now’ this idea that ‘Consciousness is All There Is’ can seem a little bit distant initially. It can feel like ‘But I have no experience of this’. Then this question can come ‘But what is this God you speak of?’ Then I could say ‘Just What IS’. Starting from Your very Presence, which means to make it even more direct. Just this existence ‘I Am’. This is called ‘Being’ or ‘Consciousness’ or ‘Atma’. This just IS. You just Are. [Silence]

All the rest is just notional, just ideas; starting from the idea of separation that there is a ‘me’ here that is separate from everything else. It’s just an idea. You’ve taken some appearances, some things which are seen, and made a mental boundary and said ‘This is a ‘me’. ‘I’ am contained in this body and ‘He’ is contained in that body’. These are just ideas. Actually, you’ll find no such tangible separation. You’ll find just one appearance. And You are aware of it.

All of this is one Consciousness. And nothing can ever separate Consciousness. So, just like there is one ocean but it can appear as if there are separate waves…, in the same way there is one Being, one Consciousness, one God, although it might appear as if there are separate Beings. [Silence]

Now, one of the most (I won’t say fun almost, but fun also sometimes) seemingly-very-painful parts of this play is the ‘me’ trying to become God or trying to find God. And this is what the Sages have referred to as ‘The fish swimming in the water thirsting for water.’ But it is actually one step further than that; it is like water thirsting for water itself.

The truth is not simpler than this. As long as you have an idea that you have to meet something, that you have to meet God: Meet YourSelf …, You will find only God. Meet YourSelf without any interpretation or judgment. This is most naturally present. You not actually are doing anything at all. The concept of meeting itself will dissolve. It is just Your Self. So, we can say ‘recognize YourSelf, meet YourSelf, find YourSelf’ but all these terms ‘recognize, find, meet’ will actually dissolve, because You will See that there is only the Self. You are seeing that.

To pick up the ‘me’ you need at least a moment in time to refer to some thought as yourself. But even without that moment in time, You just Are. Therefore, it is this ‘me’ which is effortful which is dependent on time. It is not You.

If there is a God, God is Here. If there is a Self, Self is Here, as Your very own Presence, as Your own Reality. You don’t have to take one step here and there. What you are finding about YourSelf is beyond all inferences you can make; even beyond the idea of whether you got it or not. The ‘me’ is used owning things so, now it wants to own God. ‘Did I really find it? Please confirm to me.’ [Chuckles] It is not like that. It is the very Existence, which means what You are made up of.

Where does a drop of water which is in the Ocean have to go to find the Ocean? And the funny thing is that there is no drop of water actually; it is all just the Ocean.

Now, in the design of this leela, this play, it will feel like when you identify yourself just as a wave (this is what we are calling the ‘me’…, ‘I am just this wave’) then it can feel like a lot of turbulence. Sometimes very high, sometimes very low; all that we call the ups and downs of life. But that is only when you identify YourSelf as a limited object. It is only the airplane which is facing the turbulence. The space is not saying ‘Oh, this is too turbulent for me.’ Only when we identify OurSelf as a limited object can it feel like ‘Something is happening to me. That is why Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi invited all of us to ask this question ‘Who am I?’ because he knew that when we truly inquire and truly we look, we don’t find this ‘me’. We only find the Self (whether we call it Self or God or Satguru; it’s all the same).

A: That’s why Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] himself said ‘If there is a choice, then make the choice not to go with your thought stream. Then you will see that even this choice was just a play of Grace itself.’ To refer to YourSelf as ‘me’ you need a thought. To just Be, to remain as Consciousness Itself, no conditions are needed. Therefore, what’s more natural? [Looking at sangha] What’s more natural?

Q: It’s natural but seems a bit forced. [Laughter in the room]

A: One of the greatest things about having a living Master is a representation of how natural it is to just Be. Otherwise, these can just seem like big ideas, they can just seem like fancy ideas. We got so used to identifying as names and forms that it can seem like we needed something in the realm of names and form itself to come and show us this immense possibility. So, one that appears in name and form is pointing to your own Presence, your own Satguru which is in your own Heart as the true Satguru. So, although we can have reverence for the form of the Master, what is more important is that you are following what He is pointing to, which is your Eternal, undying Being.

So now?  ‘Me -Ow’ or ‘God Now’? [Chuckling] Can it be ‘God-Ow’? Can it be ‘Me-Now-?

[Chuckling] It truly can’t. You have to give yourself that little bit, that one moment in time to think ‘No, but this actually happened with me.’ You know, ‘That’s easy for you to say. Nothing happens to you!’ [Laughter in the room] You see this is the fallacy, that the Master is just having some robotic life; nothing is happening.

There’s another point. Another important thing about having a living Master is that he can tell you ‘I’ve been there, done that, got the T-shirt.’[Smiling]

So, even the ‘me’ wanting to become ‘God Now’ is just an invitation to ‘Ow’. No plan, no strategy, no approach, no position, no reference point can get you to This.  Just like no number of steps are needed for you to be exactly where you are Now.

What is also important is when I’m referring to the ‘Ow’, the ouch, I’m not talking about pain. I’m talking about that which is called suffering. So, you must not feel that if there is an appearance of some pain then there must be a ‘me’. God is playing with this realm, in this universe in all flavors and tastes. Pain and pleasure are both part of the sugar and spice of this realm. But when you take a position with regards to this, when you invent this idea of a limited ‘me’, the limited sufferer or the doer or the desirer, then the play of life can seem a lot more burdensome. And that is what is called suffering. It is filled with grievances, resentments, specialness, arrogance, guilt. All these are just various words for suffering. Because all of them have a ‘me’ at the center of it. And this ‘me’ is just an idea, a notion.

Q: Something exists but it I can’t really say it is ‘I’.

A:  Does it feel like the Existence of another?

Q: No, it is just that there is no ‘I’

A: Yes, just that a sense of Being is present but you cannot refer to it as ‘I’. Is that what you mean?

Q: Yes.

A: This is very natural for it to happen, especially as you are deepening in your insight. It could become more natural for you to say ‘I am just aware, even of this Being’.

Q: [Inaudible]

A: And who is aware of this Awareness?

Q: It still doesn’t really feel true to say ‘I’.

A: Because? Suppose you had no reference point to what ‘I’ feels like. (This is a very beautiful point and we must take this very slowly.) Because we got used to associating ‘I’ as something; now, as we are coming to this Awareness, which is aware of even Existence, Its own aspect, it can feel a bit alien to call this ‘I’.

So, when I ask you ‘What is aware of this Awareness?’ you will say that ‘It is just this Awareness’. And if I were to ask you that ‘How does this Awareness report to you?’

Q: [Inaudible]

A: And although it is so clear that ‘I am aware of all of this’ it can feel a bit strange because that ‘I’ which I used to refer to myself as for so long doesn’t seem to be present. There is just this Awareness.

So, when we say ‘Awareness is aware of Its Existence’ and this play of Existence is happening (which includes the movement of this body, the movement of this mouth; all of this movement is happening within Existence) there is just an Awareness which is aware of all of this. Isn’t it?

That leaves no room for an ‘I’. And yet, it is Your direct insight. So, if I was to say ‘Atma [another Being in Satsang] is having this discovery and she is telling you ‘same here’ …, but because we have identified ourselves something limited for so long, it can just feel like ‘Wow…, there is no ‘I’ in this’. But what we are saying, even in that, is that ‘Wow. I See that there is no ‘I’ in this’. It is Your own direct insight. But this ‘I’ is very different from what we have used the term for in the past.

Q: Yes, because maybe there is still a sense of ‘me’ playing in the day-to-day. I know that it is not that ‘I’. But there is some experience.

A: Yes, exactly. And for a while, it will seem to oscillate. Then you will find that it is more unnatural actually to refer to that ‘me’ (that we call it) and to refer to that as ‘me’ or ‘I’…, that will start feeling more unnatural and we’ll say ‘No, I am just This’. And then you will hear or you will read the scriptures, you will hear the words in Satsang and then say, ‘Everything is pointing to that ‘I’ which is this Awareness, the Self, and Its dynamic aspect, which is Consciousness’.

Q: I find that it just feels that very unnatural to call it ‘I’. [Inaudible]

A: Yes. It’s fine; you don’t need to call it that, it’s true. But many times what does happen (I have seen in Satsang) is that when we come to this insight, to this discovery of Awareness that is just effortlessly Here, then after a few days what happens is that ‘Ah, when I come to Father he is going to tell me ‘Who are you?’ and I will say that I am just going to tell him ‘Nothing is happening to Awareness’…, that is just fine. But can we talk about ‘me’ for a minute?’ So, when this dichotomy is perpetuated then it can seem like ‘Ah, the ‘me’ is having a beautiful insight about this Awareness; but how does it help me?’

Q: Yes.

A: I have seen this many times over the years. That’s why I made this metaphor of carrying this ‘me’ on your back as you cross the portal of ‘I Am’ to this Awareness. It can feel like ‘I am having these beautiful insights. Now, what happens to me because of this?’ And you see that this that we are used to calling ‘me’ …, is that more tangible as your reality? Or this Awareness?

Q: To be honest, I did not mean to go into it; but it just came. There has been a real laziness here actually of looking [inquiring] in Satsang; not really listening very well, not engaging. So, it’s like the ‘me’ is actually quite strong. But actually, there is a nice relaxing and I am enjoying it in Satsang.

A: And we don’t know actually what is really needed. We don’t actually ever know what is really needed. So, I don’t often say ‘You must listen very carefully to everything I am saying’ (or these kinds of things) because what is needed is just Here already. So, it doesn’t matter what has happened in the last ten Satsangs; if  you are getting what you have been listening to.

What is true is available Now.

That is what you were checking and Seeing, that ‘Yes. There is just an Awareness here that is aware of Existence. Now, I don’t know whether I can call it I’. This already is a very beautiful place.

Q: But to answer your question, you said ‘Which feels more tangible?’ [Inaudible]

A: And now, if we were not to have any idea of what happened in the past, what seems most intimate?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: So, this is the best news; that we don’t need any preparation. It doesn’t matter how well you have been listening or not listening. Just in this moment, if you are open, you can See: ‘Awareness is Here. It is aware of my daily Existence. Now, I don’t know where to put the I’. That is fine. Now, the Sages will tell you ‘Put it there; That which is the most unchanging.’

Q: But it feels a bit contriving and it doesn’t happen naturally. It feels a bit like I’m forcing it.

A: You don’t have to force it. It is just a clue to see ‘How can I find my truest Self?’ The Sages say ‘Find That which is the most unchanging’. Just as a clue. It is just ‘I’.

This itself is a beautiful inquiry to ask: ‘Is this ‘I’?

Q: I don’t know…

A: ‘I don’t know’ I have already said is most beautiful. It is like a hypothesis, but it is unverified. Till it is verified, we don’t know the conclusion.

Q: [Inaudible]

A: So, just one more line of inquiry which is: ‘When we see that this Awareness is just Here and It is aware even of Existence…, what is your position in this?

Q: I don’t know… [Inaudible]

A: And ‘you are just not there’. This is good enough for now.

[Reads chat question]: ‘What did she say?’

A: She said ‘For now, it just feels like there is Awareness, which is aware of Presence and Existence, and I don’t know where to put a ‘me’ or ‘I’ …, there doesn’t seem to be any.’ And I said that that is very good for now.