BOOKS BY ANANTA Welcome to Satsang with Ananta

Q: At every word, obviously, you can be torn apart. It’s a very fragile question. [Laughing] Suppose I’m going completely against the current of what is expected. What is expected is ‘xyz’ but completely going against that and not even apologetic about being opposite. And without labeling as ‘arrogant’ …, only two options I have come across at such points is either one labels oneself as arrogant and feels very, very bad and a lot of times lost. Another one is to make some sort of sordid confession of some totally unrelated thing. But there’s some kind of a rough energy movement, without which nothing further can happen. So, it’s something which has to be gone through. And one is on uncharted seas at this point.

A: So, from what I’m hearing …, I’m hearing that there’s a movement happening which seems to be flowing contrary to the flow of the current

Q: Of everything I hear and say; of everything I hear or whatever comes across, including spiritual knowledge. For years, what I heard, I was in alignment with it; I mean, there was some alignment. Now, what I hear is not in alignment with what I’m experiencing. And I don’t want to … but it feels like either I have to fall into self-doubt … but I know that this is myself and I cannot doubt it at this point. So, it’s like I’m left in a very strange position.

A: So, two things that are coming up in response to this (and remind me I said two things because I forget). [Chuckling] So, first is that what is happening seems like it is a beautiful exploration of what is this; what is this and what is that and what is feeling more natural. So, I’ll also invite you to explore the middle. Because we can have the exploration of the opposites. Like ‘This is this way (spiritual pointing is this way) so I’ll go that way.’ You see? But what is in the middle of ‘this way and that way’?

Q: There is no exploration possible in the middle, Anantaji.

A: I know what you’re saying.

Q: I reach a point in retreat, too, when I’m totally tired, when I feel it does not matter; either this or that, it does not matter.

A: I admit that there is no conceptual or intellectual exploration possible there. But there is an exploration which is neither mental nor just reasoning, which is just …, like when you say ‘I retreat to that’ …, have you explored the possibility that that could you be your home and you don’t have to retreat to that? [Silence for a moment] In the sense that, rather than that being a refuge once in a while when you are beaten up from either position then it serves as a refuge; but rather than that, what if that could be your natural resting point? And just for entertainment, you go here and there?

Q: [Laughing] That’s what’s actually happening.

A: Then that’s good. See, because if what you’re saying is that when everyone says ‘left, left, left’ you make sure you go right; it brings you to this neutrality, the middle that I’m speaking of. When you say ‘That’s what’s actually happening’ then it’s perfect. Because then what you’re saying is ‘When I’m instructed this way then I’m instructing myself the opposite way and coming back to my neutrality.’ Then that is very beautiful. Then you actually don’t need an instruction any more. If you’re resting in the middle, so to speak, then I don’t need to tell you left or right. So, this is what I’m pointing to, in a sense.

So, this refuge, let it be your abode. And when you do find (because everybody finds themselves in this play of the world, taking this position or that position) don’t beat yourself up about it. [Silence] That just hardens the position itself; either we will justify it or we feel guilty.

Q: Just like some kind of role is automatically being played by life. I’m just as much a witness of that as the so-called others are watching it.

A: Exactly. Like this conversation; what is coming from this mouth is being heard presumably here and there both. So, from that middle, these notions of separation are not there. So, there’s actually not a conversation as such. There are not two having a conversation.

Q: Some strange meeting.

A: Some strange communion of sorts.

I said that there were two points. I don’t remember the second. Remind me what you said? Maybe the second will come. [Looks at her] Don’t need? [Chuckling]

See, our labels about ourself have been compulsive in the past. So, we’ve gone through this…

Q: Actually, like you said, one has to take the opposite so that the thing is broken. One has to break the cycle. If one has been conclusively good in one particular direction, somehow Consciousness goes in the opposite.

A: Then, in this middle, there is no concept left of right/wrong, true/false, correct path/wrong path, Bhagavan’s path/this one’s path. None of that is left. Because you remove that one who could be this way/that way from the illusion itself.

Q: Infinite Silence. Infinite silence and one finds oneself moving out of it at times.

A: Yes, but it cannot be Infinite if it goes and comes. So, it can feel like ‘I go out of it or not’ but You Are That Infinite Silence …, on top of which these waves can seem to go this way or that way. It can feel like ‘I went’ on the basis of my attention going or some life event happening or this lump of flesh and blood going, you see, then it can feel like ‘I went’. But That Infinite Silence is You. [Silence] Now, if we call it the Absolute, the Non-Phenomenal on which the phenomenal manifests; whatever terms you want to use, it doesn’t matter.

Q: I wish to expose something, Father. Firstly, thank you for everything. I’m so grateful to you. Really grateful. [Emotional silence] This place of not-knowing which you are showing is really nice. Really nice. Really not-knowing. Nothing special, but it’s just really nice. [Tearfully] I am really grateful to you. [Holds hands with Anantaji] There are some concepts I still get caught by. That also is fine because I don’t need to hide anything. I don’t wish to hide from any concept, Father. I just don’t wish to carry anything anymore, you know? Just don’t wish to carry anything. It’s so clear; it is only your Grace which is doing everything. This ‘I’ can’t do it. So, I can’t make a strategy for anything, Father. I want to give up the strategies, actually. Mostly, I want to give up the strategies, Father. There is nothing worth holding onto, Father. Nothing. Nothing …, (even if my mind gives me many reasons to hold onto them). Mostly I am just grateful for you, Father. And you know what goes on inside. I don’t believe that I have the power to even pretend that I know how to deal with it. So, even though I don’t know how to make it your problem … (actually I do know how to make it your problem). [Silence] I love you very much, Father. [Tears]

A: I love you, too. [Lovingly Smiles. Embraces questioner’s hands. Silence.]

Q: I don’t want to pretend anymore. I don’t want to carry anything anymore. No answer is required. I don’t need any answer anymore.

A: The only thing I would say is that just like we’ve gone away from ‘I want this, I want answers, I want solutions, I want something in life, I want Freedom’ then we must also not take very strongly the opposite position. Like ‘I don’t want, I don’t want’ also should not become like [decidedly] ‘I don’t want!’ You know? If we don’t know then we don’t know what we want or don’t want. So, ‘neither this nor that.’ I know that can feel a bit frustrating. And some of you have gone through some of this frustration over the past few weeks, especially. [Chuckles] ‘So, what?! If I’m not understanding anything and not getting anything, then what is this really about?’ Then beautifully we’ve dropped (we’ve looked at our desire) of what we wanted and said ‘No, not really. I don’t even know what I want.’ Then we don’t even need to pick up the idea of what we don’t want.

This conceptlessness that I’m speaking of is so empty of opposites.

Q: There’s no need to know, in that sense. There’s no need to know anything, it seems.

A: Yes.

Q: Like it’s complete in itself, you know?

A: Yes.

Q: I mean, it’s very simple but it’s very complete.

A: This very, very radical Openness; the very radical Openness. The minute we ‘know’ then there becomes like a wall, a defense, a boundary. Then things can collide against that.

What is suffering, actually? Suffering is concepts colliding with concepts. And when we are attached to concepts then we feel like ‘Oh, our identity is getting attacked.’ Because we have taken all these concepts and made them a part of what we think we are. And what is suffering but an attack of concepts on concepts themselves?

Now, when we are concept-less then this is the Openness that I am talking about. Because it is not that the Openness is created, it is only that those seeming-blocks in Openness, they seem to be dissolved when we are no longer attached to our concepts.

And the concept can be on any end of the spectrum. It could be the ‘want’ [I do want] or it could be that ‘I don’t want’ [which is also a] want. [Chuckles] Neither is valid. And that initially can feel a bit uncomfortable. Because then you can feel like ‘Well, this or that?’ Because this is the realm of duality. In the realm of duality, we have been told ‘Either this position or that position. Either it is a truth or a lie. Either it is wrong or it is right.’ With everything we look at, all our conclusions, either they are wrong or right, true or false. But, what is beyond?

Like I keep saying that the Truth I am speaking of is the Truth which is without an opposite. It does not have a ‘false.’ It does not say ‘Okay, that is the Truth then therefore, it makes something else false.’ Then something else can actually be in opposition to this.

What is it that is without an opposite in our life?

Q: This neutrality? I don’t know.

A: This Neutrality. Does it belong with the mind? Is there something like a neutral thought?

Because even if you say ‘There are neutral thoughts’ than that is an assertion; it is not neutral. If you say ‘There are no neutral thoughts’ then that is a negation. [Chuckles] This is the thing. There is no actual thing like a neutral thought. The mind does not get it about neutrality. And if you see that an assertion and negations are not by definition neutral [Chuckles] then we don’t rely on any of these conclusions. And because we got fixated by our conclusions (we were taught ‘This is the way to lead life, by making the best conclusions’) then we can feel like ‘Oh, now Father is leaving me without any conclusions, any crutches. What is his teaching?’

Other Masters have said ‘Really, I have no teaching.’ And Bhagavan [Sri Ramana Maharshi] has said very beautifully that ‘All I have is thorns which will help you remove the other thorns; but then these will also be thrown away.’

What are these thorns? Just a negation of what concepts you might already have …, and then throwing away either end. [Smiles]

So, also, don’t attach to the ‘don’t want’ position. Neither ‘want’ nor ‘don’t want’ …, even if it is wobbly. [Chuckles]

Q: Feeling very peaceful, Father.

A: Yes, yes. This is the peace I want to show you. But I don’t want to promise that, because when the wobble comes, it can seem like ‘Okay, I’m not getting it …, because Father promised peace but what I’m getting is shakiness.’ Because then it can feel like that.

All of you are having the insights. All of you are having the insight. Insight does not mean necessarily a spiritual experience. Insight just means that when I say there is no person sitting over there you can see ‘Yes, there is no person here.’ Not the conclusion of it, but just the looking; that is already an insight.

So, all of you are having these insights but what happens is that you want to apply these insights to ourself personally. ‘So, now that I see that there is nobody here, how does it make my life better?’ These kinds of things. The ‘me’ can seem so pervasive. And that is the habit, like we were talking about earlier. The tendency is to try and push everything back to this reference point of me. And then that openness goes. The Master says ‘Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go.’ But then this feeling of egoic self-interest comes and says ‘Okay, I let go, so what happens to me now? Oh! Openness!’ Yeah? Like that, you see? Then the Master again has to say ‘Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go.’ … ‘Have I let go now?’ Or even like ‘Oh! Is freedom like this? Maybe I can do this to myself all day, just keep saying let go.’ Like that. This keeps coming back, this ‘me-me-me’ idea.

[Reading from chat]: “Tired of going through this storm inside. Is it okay in wanting peace as soon as possible?”

Yes, yes. Now, I don’t know whether you will see it this way or not but life is giving you an offering of full peace in this moment; of complete openness, complete spaciousness, in this moment. But when you bring into it some projection of ‘me’ and of holding onto it in the future or referring to yourself from something from the past, then it can seem like this peace is lost.

It all fundamentally depends on how you are referring to yourself.

What is it that you are referring to yourself as?

If you are buying the reference point of your limitation, then that is the lack of peace. But this reference point, this limited reference point, is not naturally here moment-to-moment. It has to be constructed over and over again. The identity requires constant construction. The Self doesn’t need to be constructed.

If you can just see this, then it takes away the heaviness from our spirituality, it takes away our ‘I have to become free! I have to find the self!’ obsessive selfishness (in a way, although we don’t realize it). Once you see all the effort, all the construction, is about identity, and to come to the Self is just like a letting go, which is naturally deconstructive …

To deconstruct, we don’t need to actually do anything.

If you don’t keep watering this tree of identity, it will deconstruct itself.

But the thing is that for a spiritual seeker, the construction itself is the seeker identity; to keep reinforcing that. ‘How will I find this? How will I find that? How will I come to God?’ God is sitting there waiting for you in your living room and you’re like opening the door again and again. ‘Has he come?! Has he come?’ He is already sitting there.

You might meet him also from time to time, but then you will say ‘No, no. You are the one who is always here, no? You are nothing special.’ You see? We judge our Presence as something not special, we judge our Presence as if it is individual, because it’s always there.

That is the nature of the mind, no? Something which is so easily available has no value to it. So, God is sitting in the core of Your Being, as Your Being Itself. But for us that is like ‘What’s the big deal in that?’ We want a special experience, we want something to happen and then that will be God. So, it will not be that someone new will come through your door. It will only be that you recognize the One who is sitting in your living room.

Who is sitting there Now? Who is sitting there Now?

When you become no one, then you see the One who is not someone.

Q: Because we think from here. [Pointing to head] Everything is from here.

A: Yes. All our conclusions are from the mind. So, the mind keeps ringing this door bell and we keep answering the door, as if we’ll get something from there. But who is already in Your Heart?

Who is Your Heart?

Who is Your Being?

Whose Presence is this?

So, if I ask you ‘Can You stop being?’ you might give me an answer from mind and say ‘Yes if I die or when I sleep’ (something like that). But if I say ‘No, no. Stop being Now.’ …, this Being is just here. But this Being is who? You see? This Being is who?

This is the only trick from the mind to convince you that this Being is a personal you. This Being does not have a boundary, has no limitations, cannot be hurt, affected, cannot suffer. This is already Your Being. And because it does not have a boundary, there cannot be ‘my Being and ‘your Being.’ There must be One Being.

But don’t allow these just to be inferences, or judgments or conclusions. You have to check for yourself.

Who sits Here?

Whose Being is this?

Like Prahlad ji sings this very beautiful Kabir song, no? He is saying ‘Everybody is looking for that emerald, everyone is looking for the emerald, but nobody looks in their own pocket.’ When you look in your own pocket, you see That One is everywhere. Like a beggar who is sitting on a box and begging for food every day, but has never opened the box and checked what’s here.

So, don’t try to answer these questions conceptually, intellectually, because that will not get you anywhere. And your mind’s conclusion can be for a very long time that ‘I don’t know’ …, which is fine. It is not the answer which is important but it is your willingness, your openness to look.

Can I tell you something funny? It’s like in our rush to conclude, we waste hundreds of years, because we keep rushing to conclude. If we would avoid our conclusions for some time, it would be much faster actually. But because we rush to conclude that ‘I must be able to come to the valid conclusion right now’ then we leave our true insight for our inference about what this is.

So, leave yourself notion-less. Don’t be so concerned about ‘What will happen?’ or ‘What next?’ Or ‘Am I doing this right?’ Your freedom will not be a mental conclusion.

In a way, we know that. All of us now, being in Satsang, we know that all ignorance is mental. We just have to admit to ourself that everything mental is ignorance. The first part I feel everyone knows, that all our ignorance is mental but we still feel like there will be some concept, some conclusion, which will not be ignorance. And that’s why even Maharaj used to keep re-iterating this. He used to keep saying ‘Nothing I am saying is true, nothing I am saying is true. Even with Satsang, the only truth I can speak is that ‘I Am’ but ultimately even that is not true.’

Now, because we are addicted to positions, we might take a position about that and say ‘Then what is the point of saying all that in Satsang?’ It’s like this. And I’ve explained the point over and over. It is to come to a neutrality, it is to use the thorns to remove other thorns then throw them away. So, we don’t have to come with a basket, because you’re only collecting thorns in that basket.

It is just: what will it take to bring your car in neutral?

Because whatever is asserted or negated brings it in forward or reverse.

So, that is Satsang. Sometimes it frustrates the concepts out of you, sometimes you surrender them joyfully. And any aspect of our life where this dissolution of concepts is happening is Satsang.

Master Bankei said ‘All things are perfectly resolved in the Unborn Mind.’ What other reassurance do we need? All the Sages have said ‘The Master’s grace is taking care of everything.’

All things are perfectly resolved in the Unborn Mind.

[Reading from chat]: “These days there is a sense that the thoughts rushing thorugh the mind are not mine, but are universal. And picking up anything closes the back door. Is this so, Father?”

Yes, yes, yes. [Smiles] See, without the thoughts, you are already universal. It is not that you are local and there is big universe out there. It is only upon picking up the thought we buy into the idea of our limitation. So, in that sense, all energetic phenomenal movement belongs to Consciousness. But nothing belongs to Helen.

Yes, so picking up anything actually then is believing the idea of limitation, of separation. The notion of ego gets picked up only through this belief in concepts. ‘The back door’ reminded of that Zen master was saying ‘Keep your front door and back door open. Let all thoughts come and go (like visitors) …, just don’t serve them tea.’

None of you have to get anywhere. And if you feel like you have to get somewhere, I will help you with that. First, you have to tell me where you already are. You have to tell me where you already are; not from your judgments about yourself, not from your inferences about yourself, not from what your mind is saying about you, but from your own insight.

Are you here to judge yourself better? To have better concept of yourself? Many times, it can feel like ‘I come to Satsang so that I can think better things about myself or feel better about myself.’ That is not for what Satsang is for.

This idea that ‘I am here to feel better, to have better judgments about myself’ …, it is not that.

It is just to See what is true. ‘What is it that truly am? Who am I?’ And then the feeling better can happen, the ease of mind can come, the peace of mind can come.

So, we allow all thoughts to come and go because we are not here for a better concept about ourself. Every thought is selling you a story of who you are, in one way or the other. And at some point, we are no longer interested in that story; even our spiritual story actually (especially maybe our spiritual story). [Smiles] Because the seeker frustration is as bad as any suffering which is available in the world also. If you have seen a frustrated seeker, it is just as bad of a suffering; seemingly-suffering as badly as somebody who just had a break up in their relationship or just lost lot of money in the stock market or something; all of these. It’s as much of an identity as something else. But at least, the good thing is that it seems to bring you to Satsang and then the question is asked: Who are you? Are you really somebody who wants freedom? Show me that one.

Like, nobody can show me the one who wants freedom. [Smiles] Nobody can show me the one that ‘wants’ at all. It’s just a completely made-up idea.

[Reading from chat]: “Dear Father, Love. It feels like something is losing ground to stand on. Mind is throwing a tantrum of fears. Surrender it at your feet.”

Very good, very good. Mind is losing its ground and you are discovering Your un-limited Truth. This is what it is. We have this fear of this letting go of our crutches because we feel that we will fall actually. And you might feel also that you are falling. ‘I let go of the mind and see…, I listen to Ananta and see what happened? I am falling.’ You are not falling. You are flying. You thought you were crippled, that you need crutches. But the mind will come and label it as ‘Falling; lost.’ This so many have told me this in last few days. Because the expression has changed slightly here (or lot here, in a way). So many are reporting me that ‘I feel very lost.’ Because I’m not leaving you so much concepts now, that ‘You are the self, You are Awareness, You are this.’ I want that to be your own discovery rather than becoming another conceptual idea that you are picking up. So, many are reporting now. I got this report many times. ‘I feel lost. I feel like I don’t know anything.’ It is very good.

You have to confront this fear of falling.

Do not be afraid to fall.

Do not be afraid to be lost.

Because it is not true actually.

It is the fear that makes it seem real.

[Someone in Sangha says]: But this mind always, you know, is scaring all the time; the fear.

Yes, exactly. Scaring you, bribing you; it uses all tricks. [Smiles] It has a full basket of tricks to convince you that ‘You are not God. You are a limited entity.’ And at the same time saying that ‘Everything is God; there is only one God.’  It is full of contradictions and we have lived in belief of all these contradictions.

A: ‘What did you get?’ depends upon what do you mean by ‘you.’  You said ‘What did you get as a result of all this?’ That depends upon what you mean by ‘you.’ The non-existent one probably got frustration but the Real You unburdened itself from all of this garbage. Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharishi said ‘True Knowledge is only the dropping of the false.’ What does it mean? That means the true Knowledge (capital K ‘Knowingness’) must already be naturally present fully (if it meant just the dropping of that which is false). It is not that he said true Knowledge means once you understand what Brahman is, once you understand what ‘This’ is, once you understand what Atma is, once you understand what space is, once you understand what time is…, he didn’t say that. Then Bhagavan would have just created a curriculum and said true Knowledge means this, this, this and this. He didn’t do that. He said ‘You drop everything that is false’ which means that you don’t really know it; you claim to know. You drop all of that. True Knowledge is already there. And Bhagavan’s words are worth listening to because these are the potent pointers, the atomic ones, which blast away every bit of identity, every bit of specialness, every bit of arrogance. They blast it away. To come to this nakedness, to admit that ‘I don’t even know who I am. Forget what I am supposed to do, what I have understood. The ‘I’ at the center of all of this, I don’t know it.’

Bulle Shah, when he can sing ‘Main Kaun, main kaun’ (‘Who am I? I don’t know’) …, why do we treasure that song? If Bulle Shah had said ‘I am this, I am that, I am this and that’ would we have treasured it? Now, you are saying the same thing but you are crying about it. [Chuckles] You are saying the same thing, no? ‘I don’t who I am.’ So, why do we treasure that Sage’s song saying ‘I don’t know who I am? I don’t know if I am a Turk or an Indian, I don’t know whether I am this and that.’ And we all, centuries later, are still praising that song. You are saying the same thing as Bulle Shah is saying. Why this [pretends to cry] ‘I don’t know who I am’? What’s the trouble? So, when I am saying ‘This is music to my ears’ I mean it in that way. I don’t mean it in terms of that I like to see my friends and Sangha members and my children crying. No father likes that. It is only that you are saying such beautiful things. ‘I don’t know who I am, I don’t know where I came from, I can’t tell whether I am this head or this flesh or whatever. What is going on? I don’t know.’ It is a beautiful thing.

[Asks questioner]: What is that? Is any message there behind it? Something is there?

Q:  My life is feeling good. My life is feeling the best ever in the last 6 months. I am so happy. At the same time, I find a different kind of …, something so different; unfamiliar.

A: Unfamiliar ground. There is bound to be some fear about it. You have invited me into your life because somewhere you must have said ‘I’m done with all of this nonsense.’ If you go with that question to ten thousand other spiritual places (‘Please help me. What am I?’) nine-thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-nine will be willing to give you an answer. But I don’t want to tell you any answer.

Q: For mind, the concept-less is again a concept, the notion-less is again a notion.

A: Of course, of course.

Q: The mind will only think that concept-less means there is still some concept, notion-less means there is still some notion.

A: Even for this, it makes a notion.

Q: I’ve been caught in a vicious circle. How to come out of it?

A: You are out Now. You are out Now. This is the best part. You see? Unless we think. You are out Now unless you think about it. Even if you think about it, You are out, but you think otherwise. You know what I’m saying? Even if you think …, You are actually out. But you think otherwise. You think you’re caught up again. The Truth is never really caught up. But Truth has given Itself the power to think as if It is. It can seem to ItSelf as if It is a limited object …, but It actually never is.

This is apparent every Now. But the seeming-appearance of it gets clouded when we think anything actually. Because in any thought there is the notion of a ‘me.’ Even what we might say is a purely phenomenal thought like ‘The coconut is green’ …, we might have a thought ‘the coconut is green’ but very quickly, it doesn’t leave it at that. Very quickly it says ‘Ah, green. The water might not be sweet, I like sweet.’ Quickly, the ‘me’ is built up on top of it. You see? Like it can start very innocently. ‘The flowers are very beautiful. Ah, I like yellow flowers.’ The ‘I’ is waiting to be born, in a sense, using the mind. So, sometimes it gives you a teaser like that; a taster. ‘Ah, I’m seeing something very beautiful. The flowers are very beautiful, aren’t they?’ But the flowers are not becoming beautiful because of the concept ‘They are beautiful.’ The beauty is tasted irrespective of the label. In fact, with much more taste when we are empty of the concept because our attention is not dissipated between the tasting of it and the thinking of it. Our attention is fully tasting whatever appearance is there. But when we dissipate it, then it can feel like … [makes an expression of casualness] That’s why I say ‘I truly saw a flower only after meeting my Master.’

Q: The flower never thinks that is good or bad. Flower is flower.

A: Flower is not even flower. In the sense that it just Is.

Q: It just Is.

A: There is no such thing as a human or man or something, It just Is.

Q: So, the baggage is the dilemma.

A: Yes, the make-believe baggage is the villain. Why is it make-believe? Because Right Now it is gone. You’re empty of your burdens. But I’m telling you also that we are so conditioned to believing that we are burdened that very few actually hear it when I say ‘You are empty of your burdens.’

Q: So, we keep on getting into that mode. So many years of conditioning and suddenly you say, ‘Drop!’

A: Yeah, but today I’m saying you don’t even have to drop it. See? It’s already dropped.

[Silence]

Q: Dropped.

A: Don’t even think ‘It’s dropped.’ See that it is already dropped.

Like check Now: What burden do you have Now?

Unless you go to a thought which tells you ‘See, the burden is there’ …, it’s nothing.

Q: Yes, visualization…

A: Yes, visualization, mentating, conceptualization…

Q: Even when in meditation, I can’t get out of. I just can’t get out of it. I get caught up.

A: Okay, if I tell you the opposite, that you can never get caught up?  You say ‘I cannot leave it.’ I’m saying ‘It can never catch You.’

Q: The other way around…

A: Now, you take that as your hypothesis and see which one is the truer hypothesis.

This is what the Zen Masters were saying: ‘Your Being is always ahead of your mind. It’s the poor mind which is trying to keep up with You. You are already Here, fully empty of it.’ The mind will come and say ‘But, but, but, but, but…’ [Makes a crazy movement around his head] Like that. So, which is the one that is struggling? You or the mind? If you can just See this.

We changed this construct itself [turned it] on its head. Then you See. When you identify with your mind then you are struggling. But it can never keep up with God, it can never keep up with Atma, with Being. Obviously, it is struggling.

Atma is ever fresh, ever Known, fully complete, in this moment. But if you believe the idea ‘I don’t leave it, even in my spiritual practice, I don’t leave it’ then it has caught you. This concept itself gets you. It is not true! Because this mind can never catch You.

You test this hypothesis; I’m telling you. [Chuckling] There’s nothing to escape, nothing to run from.

A: Now, I know that some things that I say are frustrating. Like I say, once you get used to not- knowing, once you start enjoying it, it’s so much fun; and your mind is saying ‘What? Fun!? This is very irritating!’ This kind of thing, you see? But somewhere it looks like, it looks to me like, you’re having some fun even with this. Like the taste of contrasting emotions, the taste of contrasting thoughts, is also fun for Consciousness somewhere [Chuckles] that’s why it’s playing with all of this. Like truly, truly, truly …, there is some joy in the frustration also. [Chuckles]

Q: That’s what I am saying. Like most of the time, I don’t even understand what you’re saying. But still I am having a much better time feeling frustrated than I ever had in the past. It feels actually more …, like real …, like more true.

A: Authentic. This is it. To come to this point of integrity can feel very uncomfortable at times, because every day we are questioning everything that we thought; that we took for granted’ …, that ‘Life is this, God is this, Guru is this’ and the deconstruction of these concepts can feel like it is irritating because we’ve treasured them.

So, somewhere you keep saying that ‘I’m so stupid actually. I’m the worst student, I am the worst, I’ m the most stupid’ but somewhere also your mind is scared of that. It doesn’t want to be found out as really stupid. Our mind is like this; it doesn’t want to be found out. It wants something. It’s going to say like ‘No, no, but these…’ Like, this set of concepts that you have have some value. So, all of us come to this childlike foolishness, you see? Do you go to a child who is one-and-a-half years old (he doesn’t know anything) do you go to the child and say ‘You’re very stupid?’ No. But that is the standard we have; that our not-knowing anything is a stupidity. It’s just a mental concept. It’s just a standard we’ve set for ourselves.

So, when Jesus said ‘Only the babes will enter the kingdom of heaven’ then he could have said, (he should have actually said) ‘But children, these babies, small children, they’re so stupid, they cannot enter heaven! They need to be really super-smart!’ Jesus would have said ‘You need SAT score of 1600 and you need TOEFL’ … like that … ‘and you need to pass this exam to get into heaven.’ He didn’t say that. He said ‘Only the babes, the babies, will enter the kingdom of heaven.’ What does it mean? That means our chance is gone, no? We’ve grown up. If he meant it literally like that, that means we’ve grown up so our chance is gone.  So, what is that return to innocence that he’s talking about? What is that apple, the bite of which Adam and Eve took? It is this knowledge, this idea, this conceptual knowledge of good and bad, right and wrong, true and false. If you forgot about true and false, what is there?

I was reading from [Nisargadatta] Maharaj the other day (just today maybe) where he said ‘What I’m doing in Satsang is to bring you to the end of all your concepts, including the concept of ‘I Am.’ Then what is left?

So, either something is seriously wrong with all of us …, [Chuckles] Maharaj, Papaji, all of us are seriously messed up and trying to do some strange mental experiments [Chuckles] or there is something to this.

Master Bankei is saying ‘The Unborn Mind’ is the best. ALL problems, he said conclusively: ‘All problems are perfectly resolved in the Unborn Mind.’ What is the unborn mind? This notion-less existence. All problems are completely resolved in the unborn mind. He didn’t leave any room for doubt; just like ‘Guru Kripa Kevalam.’ [All is the Master’s Grace] I like these authoritative things because it’s just [makes a quick chop with his hand] finished. There’s no room for the mind to negotiate with that. Like Yogi Ramsuratkumar said ‘If God is what you want, why do you give in to the possibility of anything else?’

Q: Why?

A: [Chuckles] Forget I said that. [Laughter] Because this ‘why’ question … [Laughter]

Okay, let me put it another way: If God is what you want, don’t accept the possibility of anything else.

Like Papaji said ‘Don’t doubt.’

That’s it.

It can just feel like ‘Come on! It can’t be let go of it that easily because I have been holding onto this before Satsang and for so long and if now he is smiling at me and if I just smile back then what is that whole thing for?’ [Chuckles] It can be like this. [Laughs] It’s like we feel too silly to admit that nothing has actually happened, that everything is absolutely fine. [Laughs] We just feel like ‘But then what about all those protestations; what about these things?’ [Laughs] It just feels like that. It can feel like that.

The thing is that you cannot ever, ever, ever truly convince me that something happened. [Chuckles] You can’t truly convince me, moment-to-moment. If there’s an accident or something like, of course, some worry might come here also. I’m not saying something is here super-spacious all the time. But if you were to truly ask me ‘Are you ever really convinced that something happened?’ …, because it is not a mental conviction. I’m not mentally convinced that nothing can ever happen because if it is just a mental conviction then it will get shaken up. It is a deeper insight that nothing has ever really happened. But you say ‘This …, this is true, this is happening to me and I am this, I am that.’ I know that you are God. You don’t need to use that term or give it power yet; but I know you are ‘All There Is’ because I am ‘All There Is’ and there are no two here. So, I can never be convinced that something can happen to anyone. [Chuckles] And I enjoy it, in the sense that if you are getting frustrated, if you are upset, if all your concepts about yourself you are feeling they are worthless and whatever you have heard in Satsang is also worthless, it’s not a bad thing necessarily. I am not encouraging that because I can see that even that can become a position. Like some can come and they are like ‘Oh, no, no, this is like this and this is like that and I have not really understood’ but it is coming from a place of position. But this one, it is coming from a place of just pure frustration, just crying, crying and like ‘What I am doing, but I love you, I don’t know what’ …, all confusing. [Chuckles] This is very good because we know that there is nothing in our mind that we can really rely upon. It’s very good in that way. [Chuckles]

Q: It’s very scary.

A: It can feel scary, it can feel fearful. But it’s actually nothing because nothing has happened to You in all of this. The mind is throwing a big tantrum. But what does that have to do with You?

Q: But I was always feeling that there is something like ‘full’ realization.

A: Forget realization; full, half, one fourth, [Laughs] a little, a lot. You are on the Guru train? Let the destination be up to me then. If you board the train of the Master and then you say ‘I must direct where this train will go’ then something is still trying to be more Master than the Master. If you have to get in the train and tell the engine driver where this train should go, then the engine driver will say ‘You, come. [Laughs] Why do you call me driver then? You drive.’ You have boarded the bus. If you know if it has to go to awakening, then awakening level two, then half realization, then full realization …, [Chuckles] if you have already decided that these are the stops that should come along the way then you need not be directed.

Roadmap: throw it away.

All our concepts (even that we have heard from the best books), throw it away.

What is happening to you? No idea.

Where are you going? No idea.

Am I getting freedom? No idea.

Is Ananta free? No idea.

Is he just brainwashing me? No idea. [Chuckles]

Is this all a joke? No idea.

See; all these doubts will come. ‘Is he just messing with us? [Laughter] Is he for real or is he just messing with us and what is his level of freedom anyway?’ Like have I ever said ‘I am fully realized’? So, how do you know that you will get fully realized sitting with me? I have never said ‘I am fully realized.’

All these doubts will come. I am just saying them out loud. They will come and they will push your buttons. ‘You know that day he said he likes orange chocolate? Is a fully free Master supposed to like orange chocolates?’ In your moments like that when you’re frustrated, the mind uses that opportunity for guerrilla warfare and will throw all possible doubts at you. ‘Do you really know? Because this one said like that and that one said after this there will be this and there will come full realization.’

What do we really know? That is what I’m questioning relentlessly. And the mind is bound to hate that; mind is bound to hate it because I’m like ‘not this, not this, not this, not this.’ … ‘That?’ ‘Not that also.’ [Chuckles]

No concept of the Self is worthy of the Self.

No concept of the Self is worthy of the Self but we end up worshipping these concepts thinking it is the Self. And it feels like’ I’m actually on the ‘me train’ and the Guru should come as the station master giving me directions’ then that doesn’t work. We have to get completely on the Guru train. The Guru is not a Station Master. You cannot say ‘Yes, yes, You are It; you are my Master. But give me freedom my way.’ This ‘me’ has to be forgotten about. Like who could get full realization? Meera should? Meera doesn’t exist. We have a concept that ‘Am I getting full realization?’ or ‘I have gotten full realization.’ Both are as just as bad. [Chuckles]. ‘Full realization’ …, so who is this? Who should get it? Or who is not getting it?

Don’t know, na? Don’t know is better. But to know is trouble. Like you can admit here in this safe space of Satsang that we don’t know a damn thing.

Mostly I will reassure you by saying ‘That is true Knowing.’ [Chuckles] But not that is ‘true Knowing’ but in your conceptual not-knowing, your True Knowingness is apparent to you. Whether you like it or not, it is. But you cannot translate it, you cannot make a photocopy of it and that is what is frustrating you. Because if you ask ‘What did you discover?’ you don’t have a concept for it. ‘What does he mean by ‘the Truth is apparent to you?’ You cannot explain it [Chuckles] because in the explaining of it, it is the photocopy; it is not it. So, when I say ‘When you are empty of your notions about yourself, your complete Truth is completely apparent to you’ and somebody else comes and says ‘Okay, fine, what did you discover?’ … ‘Nothing.’ Because it is not translatable to this. [Points to mind] So, your protestations ‘What is this? What am I really understanding?’ is coming from this instrument which cannot get it.

Like, can you explain to Siri [Information robot] what it means to live? You can give it the best concepts; you can give it all the best poems from all the best Sages based on all the things. But it is just speaking conceptually. You might program Siri to give you an answer ‘Siri, what is life?’ and it says ‘Life is like this, it is this existence’ …, something. But does that mean that Siri has now understood what life is? It cannot understand. So, this one is just like that; this mind is just like that. It can never actually understand anything. It only has terms.

So, when you say ‘I haven’t actually understood anything’ for me that is music to my ears. For you it is frustrating. [Laughs] If you haven’t understood anything then give up on this mental understanding. There is a deeper Knowingness, deeper understanding, which doesn’t need the affirmation from the mind.

Okay, you did not understand anything; what of value went away? Nothing of value went away. Even your breathing is still here. Your heart is still beating. [Chuckles] Your Existence is here, your Presence, beyond all of these things, is Here. So, what of value went away because you have found out that you have not understood anything? Nothing valuable ever leaves.

We have given nonsense value. We have made valuable things out of that which never had value and we have collected them in the basket of concepts. And now when we see it is all rubbish, when we are looking back, it can feel bad. I am not denying it. If for fifty years we have been collecting what we thought is the best understanding and we have put that in a basket and now we say ‘Okay, so much of my life passed by. Let me see what my collection is?’ and we look [Makes gesture of picking out things from basket and throwing away] …, it’s garbage, nonsense; it is not even recyclable. It can feel bad. ‘What have I been doing all these years?’

At least you come to this beautiful point where you see that it is not anything valuable. When you drop this basket, now what is there? It cannot be captured; cannot be conceptualized.

See, what has happened is that we’ve made most moments of our life as if we are standing at a cross-road. ‘Should I go left, should I go right, should I go straight, back?’ If I tell you that I have no such instruction for you, even that you will make an instruction out of, which will say ‘Ah! Then I’m supposed to be exactly where I am.’ But I’m not even saying that. Neither left nor right nor stay where you are. Then?

Q: It’s not funny.

A: [Laughs] A little bit. Many times, my children, they have this like angry face. So, what is the conclusion? The conclusion is that ‘So, what am I doing here? I don’t know anything. I have not understood.’ So, what makes these ‘bad’ conclusions? What makes these bad conclusions; like, ‘I don’t know anything, I haven’t understood’ …, why is that a bad thing?

Q: It doesn’t feel good. It feels like…

A: Yeah, feels like…?

Q: Feels lost. It’s not fun when you don’t know what’s up or down or what’s going on. It’s not fun. Like you say it so blissfully. It’s really not like that!

A: So, to not-know, is not fun? Is that ultimately what you’re saying?

Q: Yeah. It’s very annoying! Like, I don’t even know what it is to not-know!

A: Can you be annoyed, without knowing anything?

Q: Yeah, that’s why I’m saying I don’t know even what it is ‘not to know.’ I don’t know what it is.

A: Yeah. So, as Papaji [Sri Poonjaji] said (because he is looking at you with a big smile right now from there) what he said is that ‘To be happy, you don’t need anything. To be sad or unhappy, you definitely need something’. Is this true? Or no? What is he saying actually? It’s a very simple statement but he is saying that in our original nature, in our emptiness, there is a natural just openness; whether you call it joy or happiness or whatever. But to become unhappy, you cannot do it without a concept. Is it true? Or no? [Silence] That’s a yes? Or no? So, then when you are frustrated or annoyed or angry, what is the concept behind that? What is the main message?

Q: That ‘I’m never going to get what he is saying to me.’

A: The main message is that ‘I’m never going to get what he is saying.’

Q: Because I heard everything; whatever Papaji [Sri Poonjaji] is saying or you. What are they trying to say, you know? What are you trying to say?

A: [Smiles] All that I am saying is only meant to remove what you think you know. So, it is not a teaching, as Guruji [Sri Mooji] said. Like Papaji said ‘We’re not here to teach. We are not here to create a new religion. We’re not here to propagate a philosophy.’ But what has been found is that every time I had a concept about myself, that was the gateway to a problem, to suffering. And for some reason, we want to share that: that everything that you think you are ‘right’ about or everything you think you ‘know’ is only causing misery. Empty of that, what is Here originally?

Like, to be bothered by something you have to think about it; even Now. Like, Right Now you couldn’t tell me, if I say ‘Right Now, Right Now; Right Now, what is bothering you?’ You’d be like ‘Give me a moment. [Acts like he is thinking] Ah! This is bothering me.’ See, this is exactly what happened in the conversation. But what is naturally Here? That must not be bothered, originally, then.

So, when I say ‘Okay, what is bothering you Right Now, Right Now, Right Now?’ …

Q: Nothing.

A: Nothing. But did you stop existing Now?

Q: No.

A: Now, you are Here? Or no? You are Here Now also. Now, Here, also. Unbothered. To be bothered, you need a concept.

Now, you might think that ‘One day I’ll come to Satsang and I’ll come across the most brilliant jewel of a concept; the best concept! And when I’ll have that, then I’ll say yes! I finally understood! This is it!’ But that is not it. This, which is naturally originally Here, is It.

Q: What is this? Who is this Self? I don’t understand.

A: Just like the mirror cannot understand what it is reflecting, in the same way the mind cannot understand or capture in any way what This Is. So, if you refer to that, there is frustration; like this.

Q: Refer to the mind?

A: If you refer to that mirror to say (okay, you ask the mirror) ‘Mirror, you are reflecting so much. Please tell me what you are reflecting.’ The mirror is just sitting quietly. It doesn’t know. In the same way, this mind is like that. It’s a tiny instrument which cannot capture This.

Q: What is This?

A: It cannot capture It. So, your question wants an answer for that.

Q: The mind wants an answer?

A: Yes. Yes. Without that, you’re existing, no?

Q: Yes.

A: What knows that?

Q: I feel like I answer because you gave me the answer.

A: Okay, so without any of that …, you noticed it. So, you say ‘Okay, I’ve been making this mistake. I feel like I answer because I’ve heard another concept in Satsang, that’s why I’m saying this.’ So, I’ll ask you something and see if you can be fresh about it.

Can you stop being?

Like, try to stop being.

Don’t be.

You did it?

Stopped being?

Q: It’s the worst, you know.

A: That’s a concept.

Q: You can’t even stop being!

A: Can’t…[laughs] Why is that the worst? It’s the best.

Q: How?

A: Because the Being remains untouched.

Q: I’m so confused, I want to just stop being! Really… [Crying]

A: What’s the problem with just Being? It’s your ‘figurer’ which is crying. You know, the figurer? Because you’re not able to figure it out, it can seem frustrating. Okay, if you’re expectations were to be met, what would that be?

Q: Okay, like I messaged you also: What is this? Like if you tell me, logically ‘I’m not this skin. I’m not this hair; I can’t say Meera is hair, I can’t say Meera is skin.’

A: Not skin, not hair. Correct.

Q: Meera is not bones. Bones is not what Meera is. [inaudible] Blood is not what Meera is. But, why do I feel like I am a set of these sensations still?

A: You feel like that? Or do you believe that?

Q: Believe. Believe. I believe that fully, Father. Fully.

A:  If it was ‘fully-fully’ then it would never go. But it goes Now. You say that ‘I believe that fully.’ If it was fully, then why did you have to bring it back? It is gone, no? Actually? As much as you might hate me for saying this right now [Chuckles] the fact is that what you’re saying right now (that you believe fully) is not true. Right Now, what are you? You believe yourself to be your hair, you skin, your bones; what?

Q: No, but I feel like I’m a set of all these

A: Right Now? Naturally? Naturally, like Now. [Snaps fingers] Now, naturally you believe it?

No, you need a moment of time to pick up a concept about it. Therefore, it’s not ‘fully.’

Q: Yes, I had to think about it.

A: Yes, exactly.

Q: I had to ask myself ‘What do you think of this?’ and then I say.

A:  Yes. Yes. Exactly. Therefore, it’s not ‘fully.’ You still need to refer to something, no?

Q: Then what am I?

A: Yes, then what are you Here Now, without a concept of ‘you’?

Q: [Crying]

A: Yes, it’s okay to cry, in the sense that if it just those tears of frustration that ‘I cannot get it’ it is completely fine.

Q: [Crying] Feel like breaking everything. Feel so pissed off! Oh God! [Sobbing]

A: Yeah.

Q: This is not satisfying, this ‘nothing.’ Whatever, just Being. What the hell! It’s like: What is it!? What? What is this?

A: And If I keep saying that there is no answer, and you keep getting more frustrated, will that bring this [frustration] to its end; this primitive need to understand what This is; that nobody can tell you what This is?

Q: So, what are we doing in Satsang? We must be coming to Satsang to understand something, no?

A: No. [Chuckles]

Q: Then what are we coming for?!

A: Because we’ve understood many things in the past but nothing that we’ve really understood has lasted or given you that (what you said) satisfaction.

Q: What are we doing here?

A: To See whether to be empty of this conceptual understanding itself could be It. See, every place in the world is selling you a concept, selling you an idea about yourself (‘You’re God, you’re this, you’re that’). Now, sometimes I don’t feel like poisoning my children. Is that a bad thing? Poisoning means I don’t want to give you any additional concept about yourself because it is only the concepts that trouble you.

And you say ‘So, then what am I doing here?’ What you’re doing here is to be rid of whatever your baggage is that you’re already carrying. And it hurts, in a way, because you’re not…

See, what has happened? We went from first standard to second standard, second standard to third standard and we felt like we’re making progress. So, you came here and you’ve been told that everything you believe is nonsense. But you’ve not been given an opposing belief; you’ve not been given something else that you feel like ‘Now I’ve graduated.’ You’ve not gone from beginner-level-seeker to advanced-level-seeker to super-advanced-seeker because that’s how those things can feel encouraging. ‘Okay, I was at level one, now I have come to level two; I was at this chakra, now I’m at this chakra; I was here, now I’m here.’ These kinds of things can feel like there’s a constant idea of graduating; you feel like first standard to second standard then on to college to university to PhD. Now, I’m saying all that you learned is nonsense, but I have nothing new to tell you. Then? And then, what is the resistance? ‘Then what am I doing here?’

Does our life have to become that we have to come from place to place and gotten newer and newer concepts? Or can we now be taught how to let go of everything that we think? We’ve been taught at every place how to think and what to think. Now you come to this strange place where we’re saying ‘Forget it! It’s all a sham.’

Q: This voice of ‘So, then what to do?’ it’s haunting. Its haunting. ‘Now, what to do? What to do?’

A: It’s haunting? See, the dog is chasing the car, but when the car stops and says ‘Okay, what do you want to do?’ …, what does the dog do? You invite this voice to haunt you. You say ‘Okay, Mr. Voice, you haunt me. Let’s see how you haunt.’ Try it. See how it will haunt you.

Q: It does get me thinking. If I say ‘Now what to do?’ like what you’re saying…

A: Yeah, so you say that. You invite it; you remain. Invite this voice: ‘You’re saying ‘Now what to do? Now what to do? Now what to do?’

How is it haunting you? Like a tantrum-throwing child. It will keep jumping and saying ‘What to do?! What to do?! What to do?!’ It might even close its breathing and become blue and red and green; whatever. But does That which witnesses this tantrum-throwing child …, is That really touched, actually?

Q: Who is this?

A: Which one? The tantrum-throwing child?

Q: The one who is not getting it. The tantrum one I can see.

A: The same one who is not getting it is the tantrum-throwing one. The one who is looking at this: Does it want to get something? The voice is there saying ‘What to do? What next? I’m not getting it. I should be getting it!’ …, all of that. That which witnesses it or perceives this, what is it saying?

Q: Nothing.

A: Which one are you? Originally? [Silence] Sometimes this voice says ‘Yes, yes, this is so nice. Satsang is the best thing, Father, the best thing!’ And sometimes it says ‘What are we doing here? What’s the point? I am just your worst student! I’m not getting anything.’ So, this content keeps changing. Does the Witness also keep changing?

Q: I don’t know this Witness, I think.

A: Yes. And yet you know that you’re witnessing it, no? ‘You don’t know it’ means you don’t have a concept of it. That’s why I’m trying to tell you that you cannot conceptualize this Truth.

Q: It’s very frustrating.

A: That’s also a concept; because also a thought could have come saying ‘It’s very freeing.’

Q: Yeah…

A: And then you would say ‘It’s very freeing’

Q: That’s the whole problem…

A: And then sometimes it says ‘It’s very frustrating.’

Q: I’m believing this every time, like, it’s so nice…

A: This is also ‘you’re believing.’

Q: What do I do? Keep quiet?

A: [Laughs] No, not even that. Not even that because that is also a position.

Let this come and go. You don’t serve it tea.

Don’t have any expectations from anything at all.

Don’t judge anything to be anything at all.

Now what is there?

Don’t conclude. Just look.

You know what I mean?

Don’t conclude. Just look.

Q: Look where?

A: Not even conclude where to look. Let’s say: Let the looking happen. You don’t buy any conclusions.

[Silence]

Possible? Or no? [Chuckles] Even that we don’t have to conclude. But it’s good. [Silence] Okay, I want to give you some conclusions [Chuckles] but I’m observing that habit. The Father sitting there is wanting to come and say ‘See, there you will find peace.’ Something it wants to conclude like that. But for a while, even without that.

Q: This is very nice. Not to look anywhere. Just let the looking…

A: Like I said, to keep your attention fully free, always.

Q: Like, not even look within; then automatically you go in. It’s very easy.

A: And whatever inquiry needs to happen in a focused manner in that way, you also don’t need to pick it up. Because you are in Satsang most of the days so the words are automatically directing it (whatever needs to happen, if there is such a thing).

That is the meaning of ‘Getting on the Guru train.’ Na? Like, getting on the Guru train and then trying to pass the exam is not the point; then trying to push the compartment so that the train moves faster. See, all that can’t happen.

All our ideas of effort are pointless. Effort and non-effort, both are pointless ideas.

That moment in which you leave yourself unjudged, in that moment, you are the most enlightened Being in this universe. In that moment you’re the most enlightened Being in this universe …, that moment of concept-less Existence, notion-less Existence.

The moment you try to add an ‘and’/ ‘but’/ ‘if’ then that becomes personal again. It’s like ‘This is very good, and I am really getting it’. Then our specialness comes in. But this will also go. You know, it can be anything. It doesn’t need any appending.

This is Is-ness, already.

We don’t need to add ‘It is that’ or ‘It is this’ or ‘It is anything’ or ‘It is something.’

Is-ness is just Here.

(We don’t even need to say ‘Just Here.’)

[Ananta repeats what someone in sangha said]: She says that “I am not able to meditate because of some physical ailments which are remaining mostly undiagnosed. It is not clear what is causing it but I’m not able to sit in this quiet and I’m saying to myself ‘Let it be like that. If I can’t meditate, I can’t meditate. As long as I can be with some inner peace…”

Q:  As long as I am happy with myself.

A: It is fine. Yes, it is fine. I’m saying the answer is ‘Yes.’ It is completely fine because the fruit of meditation is this, when we are in acceptance (which means we are allowing everything to come and go as it is). It doesn’t mean you have to sit in lotus posture. It doesn’t mean anything.

Before I met [Sri Mooji] Guruji, I used to go to another Master who used to say ‘In the evening, take out a few minutes.’ He used to say ‘If you want to have a glass of scotch with you, that is fine too.’ He used to say that. [Laughs] ‘If it helps you to calm down, that is fine, too.’ He used to say that. Of course, I never followed that advice. [Laughs] But he would say that. So, all these preconditions that ‘This has to be, that has to be’ are not needed. As long as there is this simple letting go, a simple acceptance, a simple openness, then that is meditation.

Q:  Acceptance of the moment of whatever is coming, and not to label it as good and bad and not to be fearful of anything and enjoy life …, or rather chilling; just chill. Whatever is happening is happening anyway, so why not just enjoy it.

A: This is meditation. Let everything come and go. Don’t label anything as good or bad. Like you said, don’t have any concept of anything. When a concept comes (because it will, from time to time because our conditions are so deep, these concepts will come) then don’t beat yourself up over that. ‘Oh, the Master has said that no concept should come, but now I have been playing with concepts again. I am so unworthy, I am so bad.’ These are more concepts. These are the ‘desserts.’ If that initial concept was just salad, can we take more calories with the dessert of unworthiness, guilt and all these ideas?

Every moment is fresh. I say that you have the best cleaning lady in your service. Who is that cleaning lady? It is God. He has cleaned up everything. In this moment, you are completely immaculate. But if you think about it, then… [Laughs]

God is Here …, if left un-judged. Otherwise it can seem personal. Initially, because it is like an addiction, it might seem like that there are some withdrawal symptoms. It may feel like ‘I’m a bit lost.’ Somebody was saying the other day that there is a feeling of being lost in space or something like that. But these are also notions. That ‘I am lost’ is a notion. The Truth of You can never actually be lost. Only when you identify yourself to be ‘something’ can you have the idea of lost or found. Can we say that space in this room got lost? We can’t say that.

[Reading from chat]: “Confused, as I could not get an answer. Then what to do next?”

Yes, my dear.  [Chuckles] This idea of ‘doer-ship’ depends so deeply on this notion of ‘me’ and the notion of ‘me’ depends so strongly on the notion of ‘doer-ship.’ It is like many have come to me; many in the past five years have asked this question ‘I see, Father, that I am not the doer any more, so now what should I do?’ [Laughter in Sangha] You see, this is the thing. [Chuckles] ‘I see, Father, that there is nobody here to do anything, so what is next?’ It is so compulsive, this idea of ‘doer ship.’

This waking state is the realm of activity. All activities are happening anyway. I cannot find who is moving these hands. They are moving, na? So, this movement is happening. Now we pick up the idea that there is an individual entity sitting here; without any evidence of this entity, we picked up this idea that there is an individual doer. It seems that is arrogance. What ‘God’ can do, but ‘I’ can also do. Then it cannot be true that ‘All is the will of Consciousness.’ Then all must be the will of ‘Consciousness and you’ or ‘you and Consciousness’ (whatever you give predominance to). Then Advaita cannot be true. [Advaita means] ‘Not two.’ Then there are ‘not two. Then we cannot make this division of ‘God’ and ‘me.’

And the best part is that we don’t have any tangible experience of this ‘me.’ The one who has these four problems (body, money, relationship, freedom) where is that one? We have never had the experience of it. In fact, to the extent that for many years now I have said ‘I will give a thousand dollars to anyone who can produce this person.’ [Smiles]

The one who has money in the bank account, which one is that?

The one who had a problem at work, which one is that?

[Someone says]: The individual.

A: ‘The individual.’ But is there such a thing? See, it is not there. So, it’s strange that we live our life in allegiance to that non-existent one …, and we’re in complete denial of That which always Is. You see, that is what is happening. We are living mostly in allegiance to the one we cannot find. Because we can say ‘ego, a person’ …, yet, we have looked and have not found.

What have we found? We have found that there is a simple, natural Existence Here. This Existence (‘I Am’) this we live in denial of. We say ‘This is individual, this is personal.’ But This has no boundary.

Can you show me the boundary to your Existence?  To your Being?

In fact, You Are. And within That, all this play of a world and all that happens.

But we are in denial of this truth. And we are in allegiance to something which just doesn’t exist. It is just made up. And the funny thing is that it is easy to come to this sort of denial because everybody can say ‘But am not egoistic. My neighbour; he is egoistic or she is egoistic.’ [Smiles] ‘I am not egoistic’. Then if you go ahead and ask this one ‘But you believe yourself to be a person?’ he will say ‘Of course. What do you mean?’ That separation, that belief that ‘I am an individual entity’ is ego. And it is only a belief. There is no substance to it.

[Someone says]: “He is doing all of this.”

A: Yes, with Himself; with Himself. You see, the thing is that it is okay to start with ‘He is doing this to me.’ It is fine. But the fact is that true surrender means ‘tvam karta, tvam bhokta.’ [You are the doer and You are the experiencer]

Surrender is not ‘tvam karta’ [You are the doer] ‘mein bhokta.’ [I am the experiencer] It can start like that. It’s auspicious; it’s fine. It can start with a prayer of surrender ‘Please, God, You are doing everything.’ But many times, when we do this kind of surrender, we do it with one eye open. Like ‘You are doing everything, but I am watching you, okay? Do not mess this up!’ [Chuckles] [Laughter in the room]

So, this idea of surrender (especially in India, I have seen that this is very popular) where everyone is saying ‘Oh, I have been so devoted to You. But then You did this! You made this mess in my life!’ You see, this kind of thing. So, that is what? ‘Tvam karta, mein bhokta’ [Chuckles] which means ‘You are the doer, but I am the experiencer.’ But true surrender means ‘You are the doer; You are experiencing YourSelf.’

So, God is playing with Himself, as Himself. So, if this is Krishna’s leela and then only Krishna is experiencing it.

[Reading from the chat]: “Father, what is your experience about the world you see? When you look in the mirror and see a body, what do you see? Do you have a complete disconnect from it?”

‘What is your experience about the world you see?’ I see that this world arises when I perceive it; it is there. Now, I see no way to actually make distinctions within it. Like why should one object be called primarily ‘me’ and another object ‘not me’? I see that this mouth is moving and I can hear that words are coming out of this mouth; the same way that the head is nodding. It is part of the same experience. So, I remember that there was a very deep conditioning that only this which is said from here is mine and what is said from there is another. That is (I do not want to say ‘gone’ but) mostly not there. So, I have to say that it is more that this experience comes and this experience goes within My Being. But I cannot find a way to limit Myself. Like you said about the mirror; even here, there is a mirror in front so there is an image. And of course, there are conditions about this image and conditions about memories about this image but that is more and more gone. It is just another image arising. Like this hand is another image arising. I find no reason to say ‘This is my hand and that is not my hand.’

Conversationally, of course, still it continues. But in reality, if you were to ask me, I would say that all of this is My Being. In fact, this whole apparent arising is My Body. Why should I make a segregation with my body and say that only this is my body? This entire thing is My Body.

So, in fact, I would not say that there is complete a disconnect from it. I would say that I am deeply connected to all of this; like there is no distinction, no separation. All of this is Me. But this is not the entirety of what I am. All that is (this apparent appearing) although it is ‘I’ it is not completely what I am because I see that That which is aware of all of this is beyond all of these and that is also ‘I.’

So, although (and that is like an elephant in this room, where I am using that term [‘I’] differently) it is like: I am this body, I am this couch, I am this table, I am this space in which all of this is contained …, but I am way beyond all of this as well; That which is beyond any phenomena, beyond any limitation.

So, that we can include everything in Our spaciousness. But when we invite That which in non-phenomenal, that which is the unchanging witness of all that is changing, the non-phenomenal, the Absolute Self (and although That has no dimensions) I have to say that That is the greater part of Me. This is the ephemeral movement of oceans on My surface; all of this. But the greater part of Me is That which is beyond this phenomenon, beyond this movement.

[Repeating a question]: She says that in a relationship there is a particular projection that somebody wants her to play. But she is not that. She doesn’t want to dance to that projection.

So, what can happen is that you might have a version of you. Like he has a version which he wants you to play and you have a version of you. And if you are coming to Satsang, that means that version of you is dissolving. Now you don’t have this ‘me’ version. So, his projections only meet some empty space. [Makes a gesture of one hand meeting space] As it meets empty space, then what happens in the body of this one is okay; this way or that way. Whether it lives up to his projections or not it is irrespective. [Chuckles] But as long as you are not holding tightly to a version of yourself then it is fine. Because like in Hindi they say ‘Two hands are required to clap.’ So, if a hand is meeting air [Makes a gesture of one hand trying to clap]: there is nothing. It must be meeting another idea of you [Makes gesture of two hands meeting] if there is a clash. So, he has one version of you, you have a version of you; no two versions ever match anyway. And they keep changing also, (our version about ourselves keep changing) like after this trip to India you might have a different version of yourself. That is constantly changing.

But what is being pointed out to you in Satsang is that this version is purely imaginary. There is no such entity who is that ‘me.’ So, then his projection has nowhere to land. Sometimes, that can end up in irritating more or being more frustrating, which is possible. But also, we must not constantly be on this idea that ‘I know what’s good for him is not to have a version of me’. Because that is your version of him anyway. It can seem completely plausible because, after all, ‘he has a version of me.’ But often I say that ‘Actually, to get freedom, we have to give as much freedom as possible.’ This freedom is not like you will get it; it is giving. As you have given freedom to everything, you will be free. So, allow the world to be as deluded as they want but nothing forces you to pick up a delusion. Allow the partner to have as much projection as he likes because the world will sort that out. The nature of this play is that it sorts it all out for everyone. But once you get involved in that play with your projections of him and what projections of he should have or not then it becomes [messy]. Any relationship, you see?

Q: Then there is a tug of war that it should be this way or that way.

A: That is called relationship. [Laughs] Tug of war is a part of it. As much as possible, just see if you can meet every moment fresh. When you meet him, see if you can be fresh about it. I know it can sound like a Sadhana almost. [Smiles] One came to Guruji [Sri Mooji] many years ago and Guruji still talks about it. She said ‘Mooji, I know completely now that I am not real but I just can’t accept the fact that my husband is not real!’ [Laughter] So it’s like this: ‘Aham Brahman Asmi’ but husband…, ‘husband Asmi.’ [Laughter] And like I was saying earlier, it is never about another actually. It might seem like it (especially in these close relationships) that ‘This is definitely about another.’ But it really isn’t. It is only about us having the expectation that if he could change this way or if he did not have this. But you drop what he should be. These are very, very deeply embedded conditions; especially when there are children involved and there are others involved; it could be very deeply embedded conditions. But it is my job to point them out.

What if you didn’t have a concept of anything at all? [Looks around the room] Even in this question, many times what can happen is we can go on a search for a concept. So, I said ‘What if you didn’t have a concept of anything at all?’ Then you’re searching for a conceptual answer. Then what if…? Then maybe everything would be okay. But then ‘Okay’ is also a concept. You might say ‘If I didn’t have a concept then everything would be beautiful. But then that ‘beautiful’ is also a concept. This is what happens. You see?

Q: We look for the concept.

A: Yes. Then we look for the concept of what we will be. And we have such beautiful concepts now because we have the concepts of freedom, we have the concepts of God, the concepts of the Absolute; we have all kinds of beautiful concepts. And many times, these can become a crutch. And it is this struggle to conceptualize our life as a way to try and make sense of our life which has become a struggle. Empty of this, it is just what It Is.

But we’ve been taught, probably as children, that we have to know life in this conceptual way and only then can it be a good life (or something like that). We don’t know anything about it actually. We don’t know what life is. We don’t know who exists.

Like Papaji can ask the question ‘So, what woke up in the morning?’ You might say ‘I woke up.’ But if I ask you who that ‘I’ is, we don’t really know. We might have a term for it. We may say ‘Beingness woke up’ or ‘Atma woke up’ or ‘I-the-person woke up.’ But do we really know what woke up? We don’t really know but we have terms and we feel like because we have terms we know something.

Q: If we want to know, it brings more questions. But if after you ask ‘Who woke up?’ we remain quiet …

A:  Yes, exactly.

Q: Just keep quiet, knowing that any answer is not good enough.

A: Yes. To keep quiet only truly means this. ‘Keep quiet’ does not mean keep quiet with the mouth. ‘Keep quiet’ means to be empty of concepts, to be empty of notions, to be empty of egoic belief.

[Anantaji repeats her next question]: She says, “Many times this question must have been asked, that ‘How does one come to this concept-less-ness? Is it truly in my hands? And Guruji has said that Grace is always with you. So, it doesn’t feel like I myself can bring myself to this concept-less-ness. I’m not the only one in this. It must be a sort of tag team.”

Is that what you’re saying?

Now, the thing is that to become concept-less has already happened, Now. You see? It has already happened. So, that part has happened. Now, when you say ‘Is it in my hands?’ this ‘my’ is which one?

Q: The individual.

A: Now, where is this one?

Q: When we dissect and we…

A: Okay, let’s go really slow. So, concept-less-ness happens moment-by-moment on its own. It cannot bring a concept from the previous moment to the Right Now on its own. It needs first a thought to come, then your belief to go; all that has to happen. So, concept-less-ness is already Here. Now, in this concept-less-ness, is there an individual ‘me’ …, like whose hand this is?

Q: It just happens.

A: So, that which just happens, either we call that Grace or Guru Kripa or the will of Consciousness. Now, all actions are like that. Whatever Consciousness might believe Itself to be, It never actually becomes an individual. Whatever Consciousness might believe Itself to be, the birth of the individual never happens. It’s only still a belief.

So, from that perspective, all is in your hands as Consciousness. And from the individual perspective, you don’t even exist [Chuckles] so nothing is in your hands. So, it all depends on which perspective we are speaking from.

She says, “When you see it from concept-less-ness, then there is no question. You are just quiet.”

[Looks at her]: But …?

[Laughter in the room]

[Repeats what she said]: She says she has two problems. One is relationships and the second is business, because you get used to planning and strategizing in your business.

Actually, we can have only four. These are two out of the four problems you can have.

Let’s investigate this.

Problem 1: Relationship.

Problem 2: Money, security, business, work (whatever you call it).

Problem 3: Body, some body thing.

Problem 4. Freedom itself becomes a problem, like how do I get to freedom?

The seeker identity, the search for meaning, the search for Truth, whatever you call it.

These are the four main problems.

So, out of four, you have two; which is not bad. [Laughter] Basically, our lives are not complicated. Everybody who comes with problems will say one of these four. And when something unique-sounding also comes, it ultimately relates to one of these four because this is what our identity is primarily made up of. But right in this moment, do you have a problem?

Q: No.

A: So, what’s so special about this moment that they went away?

Every moment is like this. You can try it out. Unless you pull from the past or project into the future, there is never a thing called a problem. Even these problems like relationships …, who is the mother or the grandmother, for example? When the daughter was born, every cell of that body was different, and every cell of the daughter that was born is also different (this lady that is sitting here). So, that relationship is who and who?

It cannot be found. It’s only that we have nourished these notions of ‘me’ and ‘mine’ for so long that it can seem like we are dependent on them.

[Repeats what she said for online sangha]: She says that in the past year she’s also been just letting go and so many miraculous things are happening. In fact, those things which she would have had to work a lot for, they are just happening without doing any work. And yet, when she’s trying to work towards something, it doesn’t happen.

You see, there are so many miracles that are here naturally. How is this heart beating? How is the breath flowing? How are all the perception working? Like I was saying the other day, how are the atoms of this body being kept together? So, in this phenomenal appearance, every moment is miraculous. We take away the miracle from it, the wonder from it, by labeling it.

[He picks up a flower by his side] This is a miracle. But to call it a ‘flower’ takes away the miraculous-ness of it because we put it in our basket of knowing. ‘I know it is a flower and flower means petals’ and all of these things. But this, in itself …

I say many times that I only saw a flower for the first time after I met Guruji. [Sri Mooji] The minute we go to even the perception of something then we start to conceptualize it so much that it becomes stale.

This is what I have been calling the photocopy version of life. We take all our experiences and make photocopies and put these photocopies in our memory and say ‘This is what my life is.’ And if we let go of this habit of conceptual photocopying, then every moment is a miracle. It’s so wondrous.

[Questioner says something inaudibly about Ramana Ashram visit]

A: She said something that I say also sometimes in Satsang. I said: Imagine if you are ‘All There Is.’ Start by imagining and then see if you are actually imagining…, or it is the limitation which is being imagined?

I went a little fast but easily you can start by imaging that you are actually ‘All There Is’ (not just this container) and then just see how life would be, how everything would be if you were ‘All There Is’ instead of this limited object.

With Bhagavan’s [Sri Ramana Maharishi’s] grace, you had sort of a direct experience of that, which is beautiful. Now, what you have to do is not hold that as some sort of a benchmark or a memory and say ‘Okay, I need to rush back to that.’ That which you found by Bhagavan’s grace is always Here Now.

So, if you start from this perspective, Aham Brahmasmi (and she says very beautifully that ‘these were just words’) until you experience this for yourself, it just sounds like a very fancy concept. ‘Oh, it must be true somewhere but I am actually a limited entity.’ But when you have the experience of it, what happens? It Is. You might feel like ‘We have to imagine ourselves to be ‘All There Is’ but actually it is the imagination (that we are limited) that drops away. So, when you sat at Bhagavan’s feet, was it that you were imagining something …, or that you let go of everything?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: This is really good. I am very happy to hear this. Just to be able to go to Ramana Ashram to spend some time (I’m presuming you are talking about the meditation hall at the back where the couch is) is very, very beautiful; very energetically supportive. So, this is the great thing about the Sages. Not only are they pointing us to what they want to show us, they are also creating that energetic field, energetic support, where the mind doesn’t seem so strong, so gripping. So, you enter there and starts to seem obvious; yes.

And for a while it can be that ‘Oh! I went out and I’ll lose it’ …, like many of you have these reports that ‘In front of you in Satsang, everything is okay, but the minute we leave, it seems like everything comes back.’ Also, that ‘Five minutes ago I was so upset, five minutes before I came to Satsang I was so upset, now as I am sitting here, I am realizing it is nothing at all that I am upset about.’ And then the fear comes that ‘What if five minutes after you leave the same thing come back and it’s strong?’ So, at least the time during which you are in Satsang in the holy energy, you can use that to just see. In, fact we don’t even have to say ‘use that for anything’ because it happens on its own. It just happens on its own; the true recognition of what we are.

So happy to hear this report. [Smiles]

[Reading from chat]: “I’m scared of my thoughts, they bring fear. Even if a happy thought comes, I’m scared of them, too. I can’t trust them anymore. I feel like I am lost.”

Something will become very simple if you hear what I’m going to say:

All confusion, all frustration, is about who you are.

It is not about the content of your thoughts; it is about who you are.

Now when you say ‘I’m scared of my thoughts’ what is this ‘I’ that you are referring to yourself as? This ‘I’ which is scared of your thoughts is also just a thought construct, you see? Because if I ask you in this moment ‘Can you produce the one who is scared of his thoughts?’ you won’t find it.

So, then this becomes like a vicious cycle. ‘I’m scared of my thoughts, they bring fear’ and then we fear the arising of fear. But actually, your nature is more spacious than this space itself. Now, in this space, whether there is fire burning, whether there is something ice cold, is the Space concerned about that? No, you see?  So, everything can come and everything can go. You are that space in which this space is coming. Unless you confuse yourself to be a limited entity. If you believe yourself to be a limited entity, then all of these things can come; like fear.

So, I would say that if you have really truly boarded the Guru train, then don’t fear this fear, to start with. In fact, now you invite this fear and say ‘Come. Mr. Fear, you come. I’m here in Satsang with the Master. You please tell me what you can do.’ Then you will find this fear is nothing but a jumping energy. It can’t do anything to You because You are more spacious than space.

But if you consider yourself to be ‘something’ then that ‘something’ can always be attacked. But to consider yourself to be something is hard work. And maybe now you are tired of this hard work.

So, leave it. Because You are Here Now and You that ‘Here Now’ is God Itself, is the most enlightened Being you will ever meet, is Your own Presence Now, uncontaminated by judgment.

The mind will come and tell you ‘But it can’t be this simple; but I have struggled for so long, it can’t be this simple to be free.’ But it actually is too simple for the mind to comprehend.

The ‘I’ that feels it is lost, can you produce it?

The ‘I’ that feels it is lost or it is fearful or that something happens to it, where is it?

Where is this ‘I’?

Can you produce this one?

That is the question.

[Reading from chat]: “The ‘I’ is what I have believed so far. I feel it; my body, my mind.”

So, let’s go really slowly. Firstly, because something has been believed for a long time doesn’t make it true. And for a long time, there was a belief that all the planets and all the stars are revolving around the earth and the earth is one flat object. And then it was discovered that this is not the case. So, a belief system being carried for a long time doesn’t make it true.

Secondly, (this part is good) you say ‘I feel it; the body, the mind.’ Now, the ‘I’ that feels the body … (and what is the body? Just experiences; a set of sensations, isn’t it? Like a visual perspective and a set of sensations) … which space is this sensation happening in? You see? Where is all of this happening? And does that have a boundary?

Then you said ‘My mind.’ Now, mind is what? Just when there is a thought, we call that mind. When there is no thought, we call that no-mind. So, that which comes and goes cannot be I. This set of sensations; these sensations alone cannot be I.  Because the sensations are also constantly changing.

[Reading from chat]: “The pain I feel.” you say.

But the pain is also not constant. Sometimes there is pain, sometimes there is pleasure. Otherwise, you would not be able to say there is pain.

So very good. [Reading from chat]: You say “I am aware of it.”

So, this ‘I’ that is aware of it, what is happening to that one?

You say [Reading from chat]: “Even that keeps fluctuating.”

Okay. So, suppose the light in this room was to fluctuate. If I was going along with the fluctuation, every time the light went off, if I was not there, would I be able to say it is fluctuating? No. I have to be a constant witness to notice the change happening, only then can I say something is fluctuating. Isn’t it? So, to be the witness of this change, to be the witness of the coming of the waking state, the going of it; the coming of the dream state, the going of it; the coming of the deep sleep state where there is nothing and the going of it …, who is that witness? Who remains untouched? … by the coming and going of this body? … by these mental thoughts?

All of this, does somebody witness it?

Or does something witness it?

Is it a body or a thing?

[Reading from chat]: “It is always there, I know, the one that witnesses.”

Now, the minute you say ‘It is there’ we have made a distance between ourself and it. Where are you in relation to it?

Now, if you were to say ‘It is there’ you must be aware of it to make that report that it is there. That which is aware of even it, which one is that one?

[Reading from chat]: “That’s not me.”

Then who is it? If the one that is aware is not you, then who is aware?

[Reading from chat]: “I don’t feel it.”

It’s not a feeling. It is beyond any perception that you can have; it is beyond any concept and any experience. When I ask you if you are aware now …, this awareness is not a feeling, it’s not a perception, and it is not a concept. What is it?

[Reading from chat]: “I don’t feel it as I Am.”

So, this ‘I’ that doesn’t feel it …, which one is that? Can you identify that?

[Reading from chat]: “The body and mind, which I believe.”

You just have to investigate rather than just going along with just a belief. Many of your beliefs about yourself have been false, isn’t it? Beliefs you had 10 years ago about who you were turned out to be false. Then you will say ‘No, no, I used to believe that but now I believe this.’ So, that has changed.

If you just go along with what you already believe, then Satsang is not that place where you come to get reinforcement of what you already believe. When you come to Satsang, you have to be open to be confronted about what you believe. I cannot tell you what I am saying if you continue to hold onto your belief about who you are because what I am saying is completely in opposition to this belief system of limitation.

So, the question then is: Are you willing for one moment to be open to the idea that you don’t know who you are?

[Reading from chat]: “I am open.”

Very good. Because actually, it is more accurate that you don’t know who you are. But we shy away from this because we have been taught to believe or to consider ourself to be a body, a mind.

Now, a set of perceptions are appearing. All these perceptions are there. What forces you to draw a boundary and say ‘Only this perception is me and everything else is outside me’?

And as I was saying (and I’ve said this often): We have been taught this as children, that ‘This is you. This is your head, this is your nose.’ A child does not distinguish between his hand and a toy until he’s taught to do so.

[Reading from chat]: “Should I do something to be open?”

No. Don’t do something to be closed. [Chuckles] Don’t do something to be closed. Open is your natural state.

In fact, ‘open’ is one of my favorite words ever. Open. Because in that one word, most of what is being shared in Satsang is there. Because the false is just a resistance; is a closed-ness.

[Reading from chat]: “This body is in my direct Awareness. I sense the world through this body, even though it is not me. Would this be correct to say?”

In a way, it is fine to say this …, in the sense that when we have a dream, even a daydream right now, then we can conceptualize a world where there is a body and the visuals are coming through that body’s eyes, through that body’s ears. But that whole world (which seems as endless as this world) as the dream, where does that appear? On which screen is the dream world? And although in the dream-story there can be a body which seems like the central character, and when the dream is on, it might feel like we’re perceiving that dream through the senses of that body …, but where is it actually? That is why so many have these out-of-body experiences, all kinds of experiences, even in this so-called waking state where it seems like even this body is being perceived from a distance.

[Reading from chat]: “Teach me to be open.”

[Smiles] We have unfortunately been taught how to close ourselves. So, the teaching which neutralizes all other teaching, the Knowing which neutralizes all other knowing, is what I’m trying to offer to all of you: to get empty of all concepts about yourself, which is naturally Here, Right Now, as Openness. One moment of notion-less-ness is enough.

We spoke [Ananta and MoojiBaba ] and he mentioned something about *seva. We have also been talking about it quite a bit actually in Bangalore here. So, something occurred to me. As he was speaking then, it occurred to me that: Can we look at what seva is actually? It is just that the Master is holding up the hill. You have heard the story of Krishna holding up the hill? But Krishna also gave the opportunity to the villagers to come with their sticks. (It is a longer story. I will share later.) But basically, the Master has given this beautiful opportunity.

Guruji [Sri Mooji] has put these words in to this mouth [of Anantaji] and Guruji has bought all of you to hear these words; has also given this sort of possibility to commune in this way. All of it is his grace.

So, then, our seva is what? Our seva is actually a privilege. The seva that we are doing is actually a privilege that my Master is allowing us to share in his grace. So, actually, if we were to go to Guruji and say ‘We have done so much seva’ … like just to take an example: if I was to go to Guruji now and say ‘Okay, now, in service to you now, for the last five years, I have given half of my time to Satsang and sharing. All of this has been seva to you, actually.’ …, what should his response be? Should his response be ‘Thank you’? It can be. But a more appropriate response would be ‘You’re welcome’ … once this perspective of seva becomes clear, that we are so privileged to participate in this beautiful grace called Satsang …, so privileged to at least pretend to hold the stick while the Master is doing everything.

Also, seva is very, very beautiful. It is a great privilege and it is, in many ways, the strongest *sadhana. In many ways, it’s the strongest sadhana that has come in to our life. So, we have so much to be grateful for, about it.

~ ~ ~

*Seva: selfless service or work performed without any thought of reward or repayment.

*Sadhana: spiritual practice.

Now, this is an uncommon recognition. Why am I saying it’s an uncommon recognition? Because it is not a concept. To express it, of course, we have to use concepts but the recognition itself is not conceptual. You did not suddenly compute 333 into 545 and come up with an answer and then shout it. ‘Yes! This is it!’ It’s not a computation …, and also it is not something that you perceived.

That is why this question is so pristine: Are you Aware Now?

Are you Aware Now? It is very different from a question like ‘Are you hungry now?’ How is it different?

Q1: No reference to any sensation.

A: No reference to any sensation. So, what happens if I ask you ‘Are you hungry now?’ You refer to some sensations and ‘No, I feel like I am fine.’ Or if there are sensational pangs of hunger then you say ‘Yes, I am quite hungry.’ But how is it different from ‘Are you Aware Now?’ [Silence] So, in the case of hunger there is some sensation, which tells you the presence or absence of hunger. Same thing for if I say ‘Are you in pain?’ You have a sensation; pain or no pain. If I say ‘Are you sitting or standing?’ you have these visual perceptions that you rely on. If I say ‘In front of you is there a red color or blue?’ you can check, perceptually. So, this is a perceptional sort of knowing.

Now, if I say ‘Does 2 + 2 = 4?’ You say ‘Yes.’ Now, this is a different type of knowing. It is not sensational but you were able to reason, you were able to compute it. You were able to use your intellect, reasoning. You don’t have to see 4 objects in front. If I say ‘1 million + 1 million’ you’ll say ‘2 million.’ You don’t have to see 2 million objects sensorially. There is something that you can use called the intellect to bring you this kind of knowledge.

And then, there is another type of knowledge when we say ‘Where were you born?’ You have the concept of it, that ‘I was born here or there.’ A concept of it. You don’t have to compute it. You just have to reply on some conceptual memory.

But ‘Are you Aware Now?’ is different from all of these questions because you did not compute it, you do not have to refer to memory for it, you don’t have the sensory experience of anything called Awareness, and yet, what do you say? ‘Yes.’ This is an astounding discovery. This an astounding discovery.

So, what type of Knowing is this, that I am aware? If it was not Known, then you would say ‘No’ or ‘I don’t know.’ You say ‘I am Aware’. You might say ‘I don’t know what this Awareness is, I don’t know where it is, I don’t know what my relationship with it is.’ You might say all of these things. But the thing with Awareness is, even if you say that ‘I am unaware’ you are actually saying, ‘I am aware that I am unaware.’ [Chuckles] So, it is inescapable.

So, what did you find?

Are you Aware Now?

There is something very natural about it.

But the mind doesn’t like this kind of inquiry. It’s like ‘What is this? I’m not getting the experience of freedom! Where are the fireworks? Why are you so bothered about Awareness? It is nothing!’ This kind of resistance comes. And maybe if this kind of resistance comes, then we know we are onto something.

How is it that I am able to answer ‘Yes’ but I don’t see it as a perceptual object? I don’t have to refer to a memory of it. I Am Aware Now.

And it is not just a concept. Like it is not the same as ‘Oh, the world is round or spherical’ (which is just a conceptual knowledge for most of us). But ‘Are you Aware Now?’ is direct. It is a no-experience experience. Or sometimes I call it the [only] non-phenomenal experience (if there is such a thing; we just have to stretch the language sometimes).

Q2: It is the only experience that doesn’t come and go.

A: It is the only experience that doesn’t come and go. Aha! See? Now we’re getting somewhere. It’s what the Sages were saying, that ‘We were frustrated with all other levels of experience because everything seems to come and go.’ But she said this is the only thing (if you can call It a thing) that doesn’t come and go.

Q3: But it is forgotten.

A: ‘But it is forgotten.’ [Chuckles] But even to forget …, It must Be.

Q4: It’s untouched.

A: It’s untouched. So, unchanging, untouched.

Q5: Self-evident.

A: Self-evident. Look at that. All the clues, from all the Ashtavakra Gita and Upanishads; all these clues. Naturally, all of you are saying this. But when we try to find It as an object, we could not find.

Now, the thing is that when we inquire like this, the mind has one more trick up its sleeve; it has one more trick up its sleeve. It says ‘Okay, all of this is about It. But what about you? How did it help you?’ And this …, I make it sound exaggerated but I can’t tell you how common it is. Because you could have an awakening or you could have a very sober Seeing, but even after that, the question quickly comes ‘Okay, now I had this experience of the unchanging, untouched, self-evident Awareness, but what about ‘me’?’ or ‘What does this mean for ‘me’? Am I free now because of this?’

And this is exactly what I mean by ‘the ocean and the coconut.’ You considered that you are a coconut looking for the ocean. You found that You YourSelf are the ocean because there is no distinction between ‘I’ and ‘Awareness.’ In fact, here all distinctions dissolve. Everything that is defined by language dissolves here. All terminology dissolves. Even the term ‘Awareness’ or ‘Self’ …, all of this, dissolves. So, you thought you were the coconut looking for the ocean and you saw that You are the ocean Itself. But the allegiance to the coconut is so much that we still go back to this illusory coconut and say ‘Now that I found that I am the ocean, what does it mean for the coconut?’ [Silence]

And as we were exploring yesterday, we try to contain this insight, which is not capture-able through the mind, into some conclusion. Because according to the mind, still nothing happened. This Awareness is beyond any fireworks. The mind said ‘At least if there were fireworks then I know.’ Or the mind says ‘If I came to some sort of a deep conceptual understanding that every word out of my mouth is now scriptural, that I am speaking like a Sage, then I would say okay, I am free.’ But neither of these things have to happen.

So, according to the mind nothing happened because that’s all it can operate with. It says ‘Okay, what was that experience? Let’s try to capture it in words.’ Then some will say ‘It’s nothing.’  But it was not ‘nothing.’ It was Awareness! It was the Self! It was not a ‘thing’. It’s a no-thing. But no-thing is again ‘nothing’ for the mind.

So, you cannot capture it through the mental tool. Now, if I say ‘Okay, can you draw a painting of this Awareness?’ [You would say] ‘No, I can’t do that either.’ The mind will offer up paintings. It’ll say ‘It’s a big, black, empty space.’

But what is aware of that big, black, empty space?

Some will say ‘It’s a huge white light’ or something.

What is witnessing that?

So, all these paintings which it has on offer; all these pictures are also not It.

According to the mind nothing happened. ‘Okay now, where is the Ananda?’ because you’ve heard that at least: ‘If you find the Self, there will be Sat Chit Ananda.’ So, ‘Sat and Chit was this; but now, where is the Ananda? If you at least show me Ananda, I’ll give you a certificate freedom.’ [Chuckles] Ananda also doesn’t have to come like this because Ananda is also a term which has many levels. Like there is a joy of sleep but no-body tastes that joy as the joy of something sweet or salty.

So, that is why the Sages say something very strange. They say ‘Until you know the Truth…’ Okay, let’s put it the other way. They say ‘The Truth cannot be ‘known’ but until you Know the Truth, you will not come to the end of your suffering.’

So, what are they saying? They are basically saying that you cannot conceptualize or perceptualize the Truth …, but there is a deeper Knowing-ness, the Knowing-ness Itself, this Awareness Itself, which is the unchanging Truth. And once this is Seen then the identification with ‘the limited one’ starts to fall away. And without identification, you cannot suffer. Unless you identify yourself with the limited object, there is no such thing as suffering.

So, this is primarily what’s happening in Satsang. You’re being pointed to this non-experience experience but because the tennis match might still be on, the mind is saying ‘This is nothing’ or ‘You haven’t got it; you haven’t understood’ or it might even say ‘It’s not your experience.’ But it is not an experience or an understanding …, is what the Sage is already saying.

So, this Truth which is beyond concepts and beyond experiences,

This is the true Sat of Satsang.

To try and capture It with the mind is ignorance.

To keep waiting for some sort of spiritual experience is ignorance.

To make conclusions about It also, is ignorance.

If we take a very literal meaning of Satsang, it is the company of the Truth.

The company of the Truth.

So, why is it such a special or rare commodity?

This Truth, what Truth is this?

And why are we looking for the company of the Truth?

Have we been in the company of the false, to now look for the company of True?

And if this is true [Chuckles] then what is it?

Whose company has been the company of the false?

What is it here that is false?

And here I mean in this waking appearance, in the realm of appearances.

Whose company have we been keeping, that we are now looking to escape and to come to the company of the Truth?

So, the false is the idea of the separation. The false is the idea of distinction. The false is the idea of individuality. We have believed it to be true. The One Itself has believed Itself to be separate.

Now, initially what happens is that when you start coming to Satsang is that it can seem like it’s bit of a three way conversation. The Master’s voice is speaking, you are listening to that. But there is another voice also speaking, an old companion of ours [Smiles] is also speaking, so you are listening to that. So, it can feel like bit of a tennis match where you, the poor guy, you are struck in the middle [Chuckles. Makes gesture of head moving left, moving right] and you end up with a crick in the neck.

But as you settle into Satsang, you realize that the Master’s voice is pointing to something that is beyond this false nature of separation. And the disturbance or the voice of the mind, the tormentor, it’s voice starts to become lighter and lighter, easier and easier.

And soon (I don’t want to say how soon) [Chuckles] you come to a certain lightness of Being.