The Ego is Just a Belief - 19th October 2016

That's why I'm saying that before we can come to a conclusion about what the world is, we must come to the seeing of what I am, you see. Am I part of the dream? Am I part of the appearance? Am I something which is coming and going? And if I am also coming and going, who is there to see this coming and going? It's very simple what I'm saying, actually. Are you something that comes and goes, or are you a constant? But this 'me' stays there. It's very difficult to answer. Actually, 'me' is there right now. Where is it? That 'me' is doing all the talking, you know this. Are you this, presuming? How? Maybe you heard it somewhere recently and you feel like, 'Oh, this is all the me is doing all of this.' If the 'me' could do something, it would have some tangibility, it would have some existence. The 'me' is just an idea. The ego is just the belief. There is no tangible existence of it.

If you had to destroy this 'me' like a tangible one, then we would have to wage war on it, we would have to kill it. We don't have to do any of that. To see that it is unreal is the dissolution of the 'me.' The 'me' cannot do anything because the 'me' does not exist. It's just a belief. And this 'me' you cannot find. Can you find the 'me' that is the doer? And as long as you believe that there is an individual one, there is a 'me' that is the doer, then you will also experience this sense of suffering because suffering is just a result of this false belief in the existence of a separate doer, a separate experiencer. Do not buy any idea unless you can verify it for yourself. Produce this 'me.' Let's see this one. Let's ask this one: Why does it do certain things? Why is it bound? Let's produce this one. Where is it? And you cannot even find this one. How you know the 'me' is doing the cooking or whatever? So a non-existent one just appears to do the cooking, is it? That's a nice solution to not being tired.

Right now, what is here? Is that an individual? There is an 'I.' Yes, this 'I' is which one? Being here, this one. Does it have the name Prachi? What is here now? Is there a sense of existence that is here? Is there a sense of existence or no? Yes, a sense of existence is there. Now, this sense of existence is Prachi, or is the one that is aware of this sense of existence also? Who is that one? Watching. The one who's aware of the sense of existence also, it's not this one is watching. Okay. Now, this Prachi, this one that is aware of the sense of existence, what does this one want? Is this one bound or free?

I feel it's bound.

You feel it's bound or you see it's bound?

I see.

You see that the 'I' which is aware of your sense of existence, that is bound? Yes. Bound by what? What can bind it? But this one that is even aware of the sense of existence, does that have an attachment? What is this awareness attached to? It's attached to its own things. It's attached to what? External things. People. External things. How is it attached to them? We take one external thing and show me how awareness is attached to that external thing.

Okay, for example, my family. Yes, they know you. How is awareness attached to your family? I don't know how, but I am, I am attached.

See, so you say this 'I' now which is attached to the family is the same awareness? I only know I am attached. I don't know of any awareness which is not attached. Right now, what is the most direct, most clear idea or the most direct seeing that you have about who you really are? Who are you really? Who are you? This, a witness to all appearances. Yes. Now look for this witness. Look at this witness and see if it has any attribute. Does this witness have a color? No, it's colorless. Formless. Okay. Now, this formless one, check and see: Is it possible for something that is formless to get attached to something? Why is the formless concerned about form? Now, if itself it is formless, what does it get from form?

Okay, now I'm missing some family photographs. Is that the witness inclined to show me the attachments? She also becomes formless. You don't see her anymore. What is it that is binding me? That faculty, you have to tell me.

I am saying that there is no bondage if you really see that you are this formless one. Unless you are visualizing or doing some creative imagination. If you really find yourself to be this one that is formless, it will be so obvious to you that the formless one cannot be bound by anything at all. The only bondage has been this presumed, this pretend bondage of believing some idea, concept. But in the light of your seeing all these ideas, it is all... I am not saying that you are bound. You are saying that 'I am bound.' I am saying show me where the bondage is. So, are you visualizing this awareness? Yes, probably. Yeah, you see, it's a concept for me. Maybe it's still just a concept, you see. But find out who is also aware of this. Who is aware of this visual? If your mind is painting some dark space and saying, 'Yes, this is awareness, this is the one witness,' check who witnesses even that, you see.

Now, two things can happen. When I ask you to check, two things can happen. One, the first thing that can happen is that you may actually check simply, openly, just check and find that this witnessing is formless and yet it is 'I.' This is the first thing that can happen. The second thing that can happen is the mind can feel so tired with this inquiry, it is ready to latch on to some conceptual idea of the truth, you see. Just to be free from the seeming suffering of the seeker itself, we can go to a conceptual framework which seems like, 'Yes, this answers all of my questions. I'm finding some peace in this.' But that is not a lasting peace. It is just the temporary relief from the questions, you see. And then again, when any conceptual idea what we picked up doesn't work because it is not verifiable, it is not our living experience, you see, ultimately we will come... yes, yes.

Father, how can I see the bliss? Till the ego is there, how can I see what? The bliss? The no, the formless? Yes, till the ego is there.

The ego is not there. That's what I'm saying. The ego is just a belief. If you believe yourself to be in Timbuktu right now, just because the belief is there, will you feel like 'I'm actually there in Timbuktu'? Is that real, your presence in Timbuktu? No. Just in the same way, you believe ourselves to be a person, doesn't mean the person is actually there, you see. There is no way to kill the person because the person does not exist. If you keep reinforcing the 'me,' the ego is there, it is the 'me' that is doing this, they're giving reality to that which does not exist. If the 'me' was actually present in any form here, you see, then we would all be helpless to the 'me.' The dissolution is only the dissolution of the idea of 'me.' And every day in satsang I say that this idea of 'me,' this idea of the ego, is only reinforced by our belief in our thoughts. And what do we do? We still continue to believe our thoughts and then say, 'Why is the me not going?'

Without believing your thought, do you have any trouble? Nobody does. No matter how real our troubles might seem when we are caught up in the belief in our thoughts, if you just see that it is just to be... the 'I' that is suffering is only a belief. The 'I' that is the individual doer is only a concept. The 'I' that is the individual experiencer, just an idea. I have nobody, the ego, who cannot get rid of the ego. What does this mean? Because the non-existent cannot do anything at all. Therefore, you that is here, this consciousness, must be able to see that there is no individual 'me' right now. That is what the pointing is for. Who wants to be rid of the ego? Can you find that one? There is one that is the ego and there is one that wants to be rid of the ego. So are there two of you inside? No, there's only one. This one is which one? If this one was the ego, there is only one, you see, and then you might say that this one is the ego. Then will the ego... the ego must go. Why would the ego want its own death? Who is this one? This is the 'me,' you see. Really? Then why will the ego want to be rid of the ego? If the ego is here and it is the only one here, why will it say, 'Okay, okay, I don't want to be here'? Why would the ego want its own demise? Because it... does it know its own demise? Its own demise will be bliss. But for whom? If the ego is the only one here, once it is dead, everything is over. No? Who will experience the bliss?

But is it possible to live without an idea? Come here, Father. Is it possible to live without the idea of 'me'?

Yes, that's what you are seeing. But if all that is is the ego there, then how is it possible to live without the idea of 'me'? That is the only thing that is there. One, for this truth which is beyond the ego, cannot be the ego itself. The urge for freedom arises for who? Why would the ego want its own demise? And if the ego dies, then who will experience the bliss of this freedom? If all that you are is the ego, listen, then there is no 'I,' there is no concept of freedom from this because it is all that you are. Then what are you looking for, really? You must be finding that there is something which is prior to this ego. 'I want to be rid of the ego' means that which is prior to this ego. My advice to you is don't label anything as anything. Just see for yourself what is going on here. You might find that this world of phenomenal appearances is playing, yet there is a witnessing of it which remains untouched by it. And you can only find this through direct experience, direct checking. Tired of the inquiry, kind of fun.

What are you looking for really? You must be finding that there is something which is prior to this ego. 'I want to be rid of the ego'—that which is prior to this ego. My advice to you is don't label anything as anything. Just see for yourself what is going on here. You might find that this world of phenomenal appearances is playing, yet there is a witnessing of it which remains untouched by it. And you can only find this through direct experience, direct checking.

I'm tired of the inquiry. Kind of fun, but that's what happens.

So when you become tired of the inquiry, it is the mind which is saying to me, 'Anyway, it's so frustrating because the me is still here,' you see? And then what will happen is that this tiredness can allow you to let go of this mind, or you will latch on to some set of ideas which will say, 'Oh, inquiry is not needed now.' It will sound like a lot of truths, but if the truth is what is being pointed to, it cannot be resisted. The looking at what I really am cannot truly be resisted. So if you find yourselves buying this resistance to the inquiry, know that you are believing something which is just conceptual. And it might even give you some idea of relief, but you will not find this lasting contentment which comes only with the discovery of the Self. What is tiring about the inquiry? I can get you. What is tiring about the inquiry that you're so tired?

Father, not getting an answer.

Yes. So to find that the inquiry does not have a verbal answer, it does not necessarily lead to some experience also. It brings you to that 'I' which is not intellectual, which is not verbalized—that 'I' which is prior to phenomena. I have broken the inquiry down to very, very simple steps. I have said first ask yourself: Can you stop being now? Then you see that this beingness is here. Then you can check: Am I aware now? You find that the answer is yes, but I do not find this awareness as a phenomenon, yet I know of the existence of this awareness. This 'I' is which one? Then you will find that it is this witnessing.

Father, this awakening happens on its own or it depends on my practicing?

Okay, say louder. Then come closer.

This awakening happens when? On its own or it depends on me practicing the inquiry?

As long as there is a sense of 'for me,' as long as this sense that 'I have some choice, I can do something at all' is here. Because very conveniently sometimes in Advaita we are given this concept that, 'Yes, awakening will happen on its own,' you see? But then you must also see that everything is happening on its own. If you are able to see that everything is happening on its own, then there will be no sense of control, no sense of ownership, doership, you see? And without the sense of doership, the ego itself cannot survive because this is surrender, you see? So if you see that everything is happening on its own, then there is no concern about anything at all. That is Karma Yoga, you see? That everything is just happening, I have no attachment to the outcome.

But what can happen sometimes in Advaita is that you see, 'Oh, awakening has to happen on its own, you see, so I must not do anything for it.' But the 'not doing' is also doership, you see? So is it that is your question? Everything happening on its own, or only awakening happening on its own?

Awakening happening on its own.

So if awakening must happen on its own, then the rest of your life cannot be run on its own? If there is a 'me' and there is no God, but you are separate, then how will God make it happen for you? You are separate, no? The awakening only means to see that there is no separation. Then you see that everything is happening with God's grace. Satsang today—did it happen on its own or you logged on? I hope they logged on. You were speaking these words—are they happening on their own or you are speaking them?

Father, I'm getting confused.

No, you must answer with integrity, you see, because I feel that somewhere you're buying some concepts which are not living up to the integrity of what you are seeing. You are seeing. So if you're finding that 'I am the doer, I am logging on to the Hangout, I am speaking these words, but awakening—that should happen on its own.' So either you see that everything is happening on its own and even if the awakening has to happen, that will happen on its own; or if I still feel like I am logging in to the Hangout, I am speaking these words, then I can very well do the inquiry. Once the sense of doer itself is gone and you see that everything is happening on its own, then you will say that even the inquiry happened on its own.

But as Bhagavan said, as long as there is a sense of an inquirer or doer, then we must do the inquiry. Otherwise, we'll create this dichotomy which will say, 'Okay, awakening must happen on its own,' you see, but all the rest of the things which are being done are done by me. Only awakening must happen on its own. Can that be reality? That only awakening happens on its own, everything else you have to do? No, cannot be. So you will come to this point where you see that all is happening on its own. Then the question will become, 'Oh, all is just happening on its own, there is no individual doer, is there?' you see? But the minute you say, 'Awakening has to happen on its own, should I still do the inquiry?' it already conveys to me that you're still believing yourself to be the doer of the inquiry, but you're buying a concept from somewhere that inquiry should not be done because awakening will happen on its own. This is the misuse of Advaita.

Either we see that everything is happening on its own, or we find out who we are. It cannot be conveniently only for awakening that it must happen on its own, but in the rest of my life I believe that I am the doer of all my actions and the experiencer of all that happens because of those actions. Okay?

Is it like that, that I'm doing it, but it has to happen that way?

Happen which way?

The way it's happening. You see, this predestined.

Okay. So if the outcome of your doing is predestined, isn't what you're doing now a result of what you did five minutes ago, ten minutes ago? You see, you first opened the computer, and if the outcome of that is predestined—whether the Hangout came or not is predestined—then whether you logged into the Hangout or not is predestined. So it cannot be fifty-fifty, you see? You must either see that everything is just happening on its own, including the movement of our hands, the movement of our mouths, the movement of our feet, all actions. However, if we see that everything is happening on its own and therefore predestined, or we see that I still have the sense that I am the individual doer of something. And if I still have this sense that I am the individual doer of something, what have the great sages said we must do? We must inquire into who we are. So if you see that everything is happening on its own, that is surrender. If you still find that I still have my individual doership, do the inquiry. Okay?

Father, thank you.