Nobody Can Start Closed, Everybody Starts Open – Right Now! - 20th May 2022

Yes, I got some feedback on this. A lot of sangha brothers and sisters enjoyed this formula. Is it back up? Going back up? Is it already... oh, it's back up. Very good. I didn't hear this now.

I was saying I was in an exceptionally choppy mood that day. It was like... yeah, I enjoyed it. Mostly for me, it's mostly like... it's now like when you say or like 'chill,' like it's so simple, but it's like... maybe somehow I go on these adventures. It's not like conceptually, but like trying to somehow see... I don't know, maybe see something which is not the right word, but like maybe seeing that all of this is illusion somehow, I don't know. But so this even like... even this like just 'chill,' it's... yeah, I'm very like innocent chill, like a child. This is very, very... yeah, very funny, very funny. Don't take anything so seriously because even like even now I feel like I'm not suffering at all, but still like... yeah, just easy.

Okay. It is the idea of grasping that gets us in trouble. What already is, is missed in our notion of getting. And then what happens is the mind can play this game where it can feel like 'I'm getting something, I'm making progress, I'm growing,' all of that, you see. But what was the starting point? You say, 'I want to find God' or 'I want to find myself.' What is the way to get there? Must we start with the presumption that God is not here already, or the Self is not even apparent already, and that is why we need to find it? Hey, I want to find a shirt, but you're wearing a shirt. Any shirt? I just want to find if you already have it. So isn't it first logical to see what you have and then embark on a search? And where can God not be? What kind of God would it be, or what kind of Self would it be, if it was not here now and it would come sometime into the future, you see? And at the same time, we all know Vedantically that anything that comes, goes. So waiting for an experience of God or the experience of the Self to come itself is the greatest fallacy of the spiritual seeker, because whatever you will experience as an objective phenomenon will go, no matter how high it seems. It cannot stay.

So what does it take to find God right now? To find yourself right now? What does it take? Now you will say, 'I have searched, I have been seeking, I've had a few experiences and those experiences came and the experiences went, but I'm still searching.' Many of you may say that. Now, with what tool, with what mechanism can you search for that which always is? How to search for that which always is? All perceptions come and go, so 'not always is.' Agreed? Even if it's the first time in satsang, very simple things I'm saying. Everything that you perceive, it comes and goes. Yes, nothing stays forever except the Self, except God. So with everything that we can perceive, that cannot be it, you see.

Now, is there something beyond this? Is there something beyond this? Because if there is not, then all there is is a play of perceptions, you see. And if you have to discover it, it will come, then it will be another perception, because perception will come and go, not the truth. So this is the conundrum of the spiritual seeker: how to find the truth? Now I will introduce the truth to all of you and tell me if you found it or not, okay? This right now, it is right now. Are you just an object of your perceptions? Just see for yourselves. Are you just a perception? Let's put it that way. The realm of perceptions is visible, yes? Are you just that, that which is visible? What is your inside? How will you look? Will you meditate and find out? That will be another objective experience. If the truth is here, if God is here, then why not right now without any step needed?

So all perceptions are coming and going. All the sages have told us, yes, everything that you perceive is coming and going. Is that all there is to you, just a lump of perceptions? What can you confirm right now? What can you confirm? What else is there besides perceptions? There's an awareness of it. Awareness of perceiving. Is that apparent or not apparent? Who's unaware of their perceptions? Anybody unaware? Cannot be, cannot be. So this awareness, how is it distinct or different from you? At what distance and how much time away from you is it? So then what is the problem? The problem is that there's a narrative, and the mind is nothing but a presumed object which is the speaker of this narrative. When the narrative appears, then that seems to be more attractive than the truth, at least for the time being, or even not more attractive but more habitual, more of an addiction to go into that story.

Even now, when I say find yourself in this way, you may say, 'Oh, am I getting realized? Am I finding the truth? Is this it? Am I finally getting it?' So as long as you keep carrying this monkey on your back of this 'me, me,' you see, then it may seem like that gets blurred. The truth seems unattainable. But just empty of that. Just empty of that, which is God's gift to God right now, you see. Nobody can start closed; everybody starts open right now. Right now, your Self is apparent to you. No matter how hard you try, in this moment you cannot be bound right now. Then when you go towards the hypnosis of the mind, which may be attracting your attention and your belief, and we fall into that narrative, then it can seem like 'I'm just a bundle of flesh and blood, I'm just a little person who is going from place to place, who was born, who will die.' All this nonsense comes from there. Without that, what is your story, you see? Why do you need a phone call from the head to tell you about yourself? You can see by now that it's a wrong number.

Can we not see? It's maybe saying even now, 'Hello, I'm still here. Don't listen to this guy,' you see. 'This guy is dangerous, he's gonna mess up your life,' you see, 'because you will be lost.' None of that is going to happen. This is just fear tactics. Even Guruji had this fear that he would become a hunchback beggar like Quasimodo on the streets of Brixton. It doesn't happen like that. So without the mind, who are you right now? Who are you without this? Children, don't you exist anymore? Don't you exist anymore? Exist or not? You exist without the stories. Now, what is the benefit of going to the story? What is the benefit? Just some feeling of being right, just some mind-made righteousness, the need to know, the need to be right about something, that's all. And I'm telling you that if you stop trying to be right, you would be free right now. Without trying to be right about anything, that is freedom. Stop trying to be right even about being wrong. Just leave that whole playground.

I don't want you coming out of this and saying, 'I'm so wrong, I'm just so happy to be wrong, I just want to be wrong,' you see. Then you're trying to be right about being wrong. That's another assertion, another position. So leave all of that. In fact, it is left. Don't go back looking for it. It is left, is left. The false has left you. Maya has left you. Ego has left you. You are here. Here, not in time, not in space. You just are. Die business itself. This is already the case. This is the only fact. If there is something called fact, this is the only fact. Everything else is made up, made up. So you want some made-up resolutions to made-up things, or you want to meet yourself as the highest? What is going to happen? You resolve everything, then you die. Nothing gets resolved, then you die. Death is the resolution anyway, unavoidable. Everyone that you have a problem with is going to die. Everything that you don't have a problem with is going to die. You that you take yourself to be is going to die, you see. So die before death. Let that one die before death. In fact, it is the dead you give it the kiss of life again.

I said yes, yes, um... what? Ah, the same wrong number. Just put it down. It's a wrong number pretending to be you. What is the mind telling? Calls you and tells you a story about you, and you don't say, 'Who is this?' It says it is you calling. Why do you need a voice to hear about yourself? Are you not here? You're here. So this stuff we can stop at this point. It has gone on long enough. I don't feel like it is worth any more of your time, you see. You want the truth? Here it is, undeniably, unless you go to your mind for a certificate. Who is here? God is here. You are aware of even the presence of consciousness. Cannot be taken away from you. You are that in which consciousness takes birth. See, consciousness is apparent to you. What must you be? The universe is a tiny appearance within consciousness, and you are beyond both. This is clear to you right now. You are not confused about it except in the head. It is clear to everybody unless you go back to your fairy tales which are in time, in space. Nothing is going to happen there. Nothing is going to happen.

Allow it to move as it is moving. It is all fine. This movie is well made. It is playing out well. Everything is fine. Allow it to move. But are you just a character in the movie? Are you just a character in this dream, or are you that which is aware of the dreamer? So right now, this discovery is possible for everyone. This is universally true. You could have stumbled into the wrong Zoom call, it doesn't matter. You could have come to a business meeting and you may hear this, and if you open, you can see that this is true. It doesn't matter what you've done before this, how many books you've read, scriptures you've read, how many satsangs you've been to. It doesn't matter. This is universally true. The truth is universally true. It is the one truth. You are the one truth. What you take yourself to be, even right now, 'I'm hearing this,' you may say, 'Am I the body-mind getting this truth?' Don't finish, forget about it. Never gonna happen. So leave that. See for yourselves. See beyond sight. You are aware of sight, but you are not sight.

And most importantly, stop trying to squeeze all this into your heads. It's not going to fit. Not going to fit over there. Don't try to make an understanding outfit; you will just be feeding your spiritual ego. Are you right now? Are you? Do you exist? You are that which is aware of this. Who is that? Some guy sitting in the sky? Who is it? It's you, isn't it? And this you that is aware is your reality, unchanging. Even the God of this universe takes birth within you. Even consciousness takes birth within you. That is your madness, that is your reality. You are Brahman itself. The qualities and the qualityless are both just your aspects. And this truth is hidden in plain sight. Hidden in plain sight that you can't leave it. It just apparently... now if you're searching, see if you're looking for something, you're looking for the wrong thing. The greatest gift is already with you. What can you search for now? What is not found according to whom? Your progress in time is according to whom? The need for a satisfactory conclusion belongs to whom? Are you aware right now? Are you aware? And this you and aware is distinct or different? Is aware something that belongs to you? What are you in? What do you have to fear? What do you have to fear? You can't hedge your bets now. The time for that is done. You're here now. You can't keep one foot in personhood—'Oh, that is my practical life'—and one foot in satsang saying, 'This is my spiritual life.' You're taking off now. Taking...

In time is according to whom? The need for a satisfactory conclusion belongs to whom? Are you aware right now? Are you aware? And this 'you' and 'aware'—is it distinct? Is it different? Is aware something that belongs to you? What are you in? What do you have to fear? What do you have to fear? You can't hedge your bets now; the time for that is done. You're here now. You can't keep one foot in personhood, saying 'Oh, that is my practical life,' and one foot in satsang saying 'This is my spiritual life.' You're taking off now. Taking off. If you try to keep one foot on the ground, it's going to be too painful. You don't owe a personhood anything. You don't owe it a happy ending. Just drop the story midway right now. You don't have to wait for an explosive experience and then it was all over. Right now, leave all interest in the false.

A deal we made—we were not in the vodkas, we were just meeting here—a deal we made was that we will not suffer on behalf of an entity we cannot find. Not suffer on behalf of someone that we can't find. So this is a powerful deal and it's very rational as well. Although I'm not usually rational, but this deal is quite rational as well. It will appeal to your rationality. Why suffer on behalf of someone that you can't find? Then one child says, 'What if that one is real? What if that one is you?' Then when you find that one, then you can suffer on his behalf. Till then, because you trust, then you love me and I am saying there is no such one. Is it? Don't suffer. If I'm proven wrong, then tell me: 'Here is the one that I am suffering on behalf of, this one. And Ananta, you were wrong. Let's both suffer.' I'm happy to make that deal. But you're just suffering from fictional things that have nothing to do with your reality because they seem meaningful to your story. That's all. You don't want to have a blank page on your story. Either bad or good, something must happen. Nothing is happening; I'm bored. So stop it now.

So you can stop it. You as consciousness have full power to stop. You as the person doesn't exist, so you cannot fix it personally. You cannot complete your narrative because the one who has the narrative doesn't exist. You, that one with the position, that has to go. You go. Nobody needs you. Just go. Huh? Get out! Gopal has competition. So whatever representation you have that can get lost, nobody cares. It has no value, especially to you. All this false gibberish, we're done with it. None of that. 'But it's true, it's not, I'm really feeling this.' Are you? Feeling arises and subsides. What is your relationship with it? The world arises and subsides. What is your relationship with it? Thoughts arise and subside. What is your relationship with it?

The power to identify is to make these false relationships. But you have come for the truth to satsang, the company of the truth. How much falseness should we nurture in satsang? Satsang has to be 51 percent, then 49 percent due to life? As long as the proportion is higher, we are okay? Is it like that? Or can we be relentless now at this point to chop away all that is false? Can the false serve the truth? So we must nurture it? Which one of your stories are you not done with yet? If you're not done with it, you haven't suffered from it yet enough. Or maybe you have suffered a lot from it, but you've invested so much into it that you feel like you want to succeed, you want to win and get out of it. You don't want to leave it like this. There's no need to hold on to the false.

You say, 'I want the truth.' The truth is being made apparent, so you have no excuse now. The truth is being made apparent. Your mind will keep saying, 'But, but, no, no, it's not clear,' all that nonsense. But even you can smell the lie around. You can smell it. It's not true. The truth is apparent to you. Every time you check, it is clear to you. And all of you are pretty open and empty now, whether you believe it about yourself or not. But don't fall for this mental temptation. You realize that empty falling for temptation is just falling for slavery, mental operation. If slavery is too strong the word, you can call it operation. It tempts you with a story and then the story oppresses you. At least it seems to oppress the protagonist of the story. You in reality are never oppressed.

Where is the 'me' right now? The one you're going to present in two minutes from now, where is that right now? Where is that right now? There is the story you are going to share or you are going to believe—where is that? It's just a pure witnessing of your being within which all these perceptions are shining. That's all that's going on. Pure witnessing of your being, unlimited being, in which just pure perception of these beautiful sensations are being witnessed. That's all. Where's the 'me'? Where's the one with the story? Can anyone find such a one? You say, 'I feel a constriction, something, something,' but you witness it, no? Or are you it? See, anything that arises or disappears doesn't touch that which witnesses it. So if there's no 'me' that you find, then what are we talking about? What are you talking about? How many are done with this plate? Nobody. Nobody here, nobody in this room is done. This is like, oh, we're not school children, don't ask us to reason.

Wants to make a report, but loudly so everyone can hear. You want me? The fact that your home is very apparent, everything normal as is, as it is. I can see is taking us home and everyone is born. Totally relax, totally chill, fully chill. Nothing more, nothing to add. All good. What's up? Okay, let's go to Helen.

Father, hello. Everything you say again, I know in my heart, but it's smoke. I still feel I have to resolve something in my head and I know that can't be. And I've had some terrible nightmares, very, very, just horrible, horrible, horrible nightmares. And it seemed to continue through the day. And I know it's all mind, but there's nothing that controlled you, you know? The dreams I can't control. So you've said, you've said—which sort of, it hit me like a bit of a train really—you said, 'Don't suffer on behalf of what's not real.' Yes. And that sort of, I know I am suffering on behalf of this imagined self. It has to be like that. It has to be like that. So my question is, I always thought there was something about self and the default self and will. There can't be any, there can't be any self-will in that respect. But you've gone on to say that you as consciousness have the full power to stop it. Is that true? I thought we had no will.

Yeah, so will to the non-existent one doesn't apply. No, will to the non-existent one doesn't apply. But as long as we believe that something is happening, you see, as long as we believe... okay, let's go slowly on this. This is a very important point. So is this a doing or is it a happening? It's a happening. This is a happening. Happening. Can there be a happening which is not in time? Can there be a happening which is not in time? No. Okay, let me break it down so that everyone can be with us in this conversation. It's a beautiful introspection, actually. Most will feel like there is an Ananta who is doing this, no? But I can confirm to you that there is no Ananta that is doing this. So because there is no agent and there is no volition at play in that way, then we can say that this is a happening.

Then we can observe the nature of happenings in this world and they seem to have a beautiful intelligence which seems to be guiding them, driving them, you see? Now that intelligence is what we call the will of God, the will of consciousness. In the light of consciousness, everything seems to play out. And if you were to make some story about it, we can pretty much say, 'Hey, this is quite intricate, it's quite beautiful. Look at the way things happen,' you see? So as long as we believe that there is a happening, there seems to be an intelligence which is guiding those happenings, and that intelligence is what we call the will of consciousness.

Now that is not the ultimate truth, you see, because even the notion of time is just a notion. There is no time. There is not even happening. So even saying that everything happens by the will of consciousness, or everything is even saying 'Guru Kripa Kevalam,' everything is provisional as long as there is belief in time. See, as long as the belief in time exists, then this is the antidote to fear, which tells you that everything is the will of consciousness inclined, everything is driven by the supreme intelligence and we have nothing to worry, you see? Master is taking care of everything. But even this statement, although very beautiful, is provisional ultimately. Because ultimately we are all going to say from our heart that nothing has ever happened. Yes, nothing has ever happened, you see? So if nothing has ever happened, the question of agency, volition, will, falls away.

Yes, so as long as you're a believer in time, you're a believer in something happening, you see? You can trust that you as consciousness have full power, especially over your belief, especially over the ability to identify or not. Of course, full power over everything, but I'm specially calling out belief and identification because it is at this point where all of you start to say, 'But oh, belief just happens on its own, I can't help it,' you see? So if you can't help it, are you talking as you as a non-existent person or you as consciousness? And as consciousness, this is completely in service to you: the power of belief, the power of attention. All the powers in this universe are completely running by your will.

Then what happens is that as you let go of this narrative, all narratives, then even belief in the narrative of time or the notion of time will drop. And then the notion of will also does not apply because will implies time, causation. Without time, there cannot be any causation. Approximately nothing has ever really happened. As long as we believe that things are happening, and especially when we believe things are happening to 'me,' you see, I am giving you the power of not taking yourself to be the limited non-existent one, but taking yourself to be that which is consciousness itself. You see, you are beyond consciousness in your ultimate reality, but to take yourself to be consciousness is better than taking yourself to be the non-existent person, right?

So the mind that appears in its seemingly attractive motions is not stronger than the light in which it appears. You see, the world of consciousness is the projective light and the screen on which all things appear, including the mind. So I am just shaking the meditationist's weakness and the sheepishness out of all of us, which is just made up because we hang on to this position of the non-doer. You see, like a personal non-doer, very strong 'you,' which is just not true. Because what we are then trying to say is that 'I can't help it because my mind is stronger than my being,' and that can never be. And if mind was stronger than being, then all of us should bow our head down to the mind because the mind then is the ultimate god, not consciousness.

Okay, so you say 'I am.' All of us say 'I am, I am,' and then we add all kinds of stories to that. But the 'I am' part we can all say very naturally. So this, this is being. Whose being is it? I am my being. See, in my being my mind arises. In my being my world arises. In my being my relationships arise. In my being my body is. So how can this being be held hostage to the mind? So my intention of saying that you as consciousness have full power is this: I think the mind cannot be stronger than you. Stop being so submissive and so meek because it is not a true position. It is just part of the mental narrative about who you are. And maybe it has added something to that, or some sort of new Advaita has added something to that with the notion of the thing saying 'I am not the doer.' And we choose to not become the doer especially when we are asked to inquire or surrender. 'Oh, that you have to do, you have to do, Father.' But the rest we feel we are doing in the world is doing to us. All our resentments, our prides, our guilt are all based on doing. But when you're asked to let go, then 'I'm not the doer.'

A mental narrative about who you are, and maybe some sort of new Advaita has added something to that with the notion of saying, 'I am not the doer.' And we choose to not become the doer especially when we are asked to inquire or surrender. 'Oh, that you have to do, you have to do, Father.' But the rest we feel we are doing, and the world is doing to us. All our resentments, our prides, our guilt are all based on doing. But when you're asked to let go, then 'I'm not the doer, then I choose not to be with you,' you see? So it's a very convenient escapism which I'm not going to let anyone of you fall for as long as you keep coming to satsang. I'll keep driving these points forward.

Yes, that is my question. Because I'm saying, well, if I'm not the doer, then that could happen on its own and I have to work towards it. So that notion will still be there. And then suddenly when I hear you speak, no, I keep pulling back to saying, no, I'm here now. If there's no narrative, there's only this that's not happening. And then why buy into the idea that I am not the doer?

I want to ask all those who buy into this idea: you who is not the doer, who is that 'you' which is not the doer? Can we find such a one? It doesn't exist. So to say that the non-existent one is not the doer, this goes without saying. It is obvious. It is obvious the non-existent one cannot be the doer because the one that cannot exist or doesn't exist, how can it do? But you, the existent one—I am existence itself—if there is doing, then who can it belong to? You may say that there is no doing, there is only happening, you see. You may say there is no doing, there is only happening provisionally, and then you will recognize that even happening is just a made-up notion in time. But as long as you believe in doing—'God is doing this to me'—that kind of thing at best can be the doorway into surrender. It cannot be a final surrender, no. So just all of this weakness, meanness, which takes on a very convenient non-doership when asked to let go of the false, and yet takes on doership to seem very true for the rest of the time—that is the facade that I am very happy to chop.

Thank you. So nice to see you. I love you.

And you. It all has to go. Well, it doesn't have to, but it has to go, it has to go. So I'm so, so happy. I've heard what you say. Thank you. Very, very nice having you here in Bangalore as well, but this is nice too. Thank you. Okay, let's go to Madalina.

Hello, Father. I'm too blessed to be stressed, so I don't have anything to comment, very just grateful here. Colin raised his hand and then he feels a bit sick. I'm not sure I have... we just have some satsang where we are going in the house this week. We are squeezing, I think we are purifying some ego here in a different way. Colin has his own way of doing that, so he's feeling a bit sick. And I think in his own words, initially he wanted to ask for your darshan.

That would be that presence in your heart which is always there. At your very presence, that is the Master's truth. It's always with you. You lose it, you never abandoned. Thank you. This was a beautiful darshan to all of us. Thank you.

Thank waving at me today. She was eating, but she came from the table too and she was just making sounds here next to them. Yeah, yeah, you remember you to stand up and dance again. Look, I have to share this. She really wanted to dance just before satsang. We were listening to the song and our interpretation of the song was God is sitting in this body. It's a song which says, 'I got this feeling in my body.' Thank you, thank you, thank you. Love you, thanks. We love you all.

Yes, yes, yes. Hello, sir. How are you?

I'm very good, thank you. It's really been a long time. Yes, yes. And yes, it feels, it feels very nice. I feel good. And I was, I was avoiding, of course I was avoiding satsang because of many reasons, but I'm not escaping. But so Monty Satyam pushes me, which is a very good push. I need it. I don't think I'm breaking the rules sometimes to push people sometimes, yes. I don't, I don't know where to start really. Already this seems like a different career from the one who spoke last time, so this is already very good.

Yes, yes, that is true.

But so I will, I will, I will come on the point. I will be on the point. I don't meditate, but I try sometimes. It is always with me and I understand very well, but there is no discipline. And college is going good, sometimes not good. All the problems are there. But there's one—I have an alcohol problem, drinking problem. So this is not every day. This episode comes every three weeks, every two weeks. For two, three weeks I am fine, but all of a sudden something comes in me and I am not drinking alcohol, the alcohol is drinking me. And it goes to the extent where I'm blacked out. People around me are in trouble. All my darkness and cry and the suicidal thoughts, and I want to die and I hurt myself and my family is crying, everybody's worried. I am going to neighbors, which I don't remember next day what happened. So it is not illness, but it can be an illness if I don't take care of it right now. I know I am perfectly fine, but there is something that I, I don't know why this is happening. Because I know this is not good for me, I know this is not good for anyone. And if I really wanted to become an alcoholic, I think I would have already chosen. Why is this happening every three weeks or sometimes two weeks, not every day? And loneliness, craving. Satyam pointed out there's always 'I' that 'I am,' nothing is enough for me. I think I agree with that. Nothing is, there's always some, some problem I'm finding.

It's very good to spot that. So let me say some things about this part especially, because this may be at the root of it. So when we say that nothing is enough for us, no, nothing is enough for me, basically what is happening is that our mind has got us by the throat and it is saying that you as you are are not enough. So it's not really about what you have in the sense in the world when we talk about it and say, 'Okay, I have this relationship, I have this money, I have a healthy body, I'm spiritual, all this should be enough for me because these things are there.' But actually the mind is just an attack on our own being and its constant message is that your being is not enough, you see? You yourself are not enough for yourself. You need something. Like there's a sense of lack which it creates, which you feel like you need to fill up with something. And I'm actually very encouraged to hear that this kind of thing only happens once in two, three weeks. Of course it's very painful for those who are around you, but actually what happened in this life—and I have rarely shared these stories—but I never wanted to touch alcohol ever because I had an alcoholic uncle who made life miserable for the whole family. And as a child growing up, I could see what kind of effect it had on the family. So I felt like anything that can do this to us is not worth having. So as a child I never had an attraction towards alcohol because I saw what it can do. But his situation was that he could not live a minute without it. He would have to wake up in the morning and then immediately find a way to get to the alcohol and then get the high or whatever, you see? So I'm encouraged already to hear that actually you're sober for three weeks, you see? Which means that it's not an addiction of the stomach, but what is happening is that the mind gets you from time to time and convinces you of your lack, that you are not enough, and you feel like you need to fill it up with something. So you need to fill it up with something and you can fill it up with this kind of substance which may seem to give you a sense of momentary or provisional completeness, which may last a moment or two, but then I'm sure you also see the impact of it not being really graceful or helpful in any way. So I want to tell you that the most strong addiction, no matter what we say, is an addiction to our thoughts, is an addiction to our mind. And there have been many cases of people who had these problems with drugs, alcohol, other substances, who have come to satsang and they have got rid of the addiction to their head, you see? Let go of the addiction to their thoughts, and with that the other addictions have also fallen away. So this is what I want to introduce you to. But actually it is the mind which is the highest addiction, or the lowest addiction in the human condition, and that is the one that gets us. And without that one, in your case especially because it doesn't seem to be like a physical addiction, it seems to be after something is swallowed from the mind that you get into that kind of phase that these things happen. So you started by saying that 'I'm not disciplined, I don't meditate,' but when you do, when you notice that you do meditate, then are things better? Do you not feel the urge to drink so much then?

Satyam was helping me to meditate, then I started practicing five minutes, two minutes by myself. And at that moment, it is there, all the feelings are there, but I can see it. That's the... it's not overpowering. And in between this one month, two months, I'm also going through a breakup. It's a very short breakup, thank God, it was just five, six months. The loneliness, I think I have made this thing so strong in me that I am not enough alone. I am incomplete. I need someone. I need this Majnu, I need the Romeo in my life, otherwise everything is boring. And then I think the alcohol plays the part there. And then even if I find someone, then I start finding fault in that person also. So the alcohol has become like a boyfriend.

Yes, but I don't know because it's difficult for me to be in it, not to be there. I get like this. It's just I need sort of instant magic. Yes, I'm the king of instant. I love instant stuff. If you had a long attention span... I was the most undisciplined spiritual seeker, I would say. Like your report sounded much like mine would have sounded, where no meditation consistently, jumping from practice to practice, trying different things, you see? Not being by any standards a good spiritual seeker is not something that I was. But what I discovered is that taking myself to be actually doesn't exist, you know? And you will also come to that point. You'll also come to that point where this one which says, 'I am like this, I am like that, I don't like this, I need this,' and all of that—who are you talking about? Are you talking about the body?

It's part of me. Everything is part of me.

Who is this 'me' that everything is part of? Who is this? What does it look like? The loneliness you are asking about, everything, all this—so who suffers from the loneliness? Who is that one?

I'm lonely, yes. And I, but I can also see that I am saying this, 'I am lonely.' Like, yes, I can see also that I'm saying it.

It's okay, it's okay. We're doing very well, very well. Because I see that there's at least a little openness towards these questions initially. Otherwise it didn't feel like gaba, you know, this kind of stuff. So at least that is not happening. So this itself is a very good start. So as long as that sliver of openness is there, the room for self-discovery is very, very, very large, you see? It's very much a possibility. But if you're convinced and you're not willing to look at all, you see, then I mean, I've offered you a mantra or something like that because at least to keep something stable. But it seems like Satyam is saying, 'Yes, yes, ask him.' So what we're saying is that it seems like there is some room for this exploration, and let's see how it goes. Let's see where we can go from here. So you say that 'I suffer from this loneliness.' Without denying the wrongness, the feeling may appear, any feeling of constriction may appear, but who is the one that suffers from this? Can you produce that one? Okay, what is your experience of that one? Where is that one?

It is there somewhere. There is a heaviness in the heart.

Satyam is saying, 'Yes, yes, ask him.' So what we're saying is that it seems like there is some room for this exploration and let's see how it goes. Let's see where we can go from here. So you say that 'I suffer from this loneliness.' Without denying the feeling may appear—any feeling of constriction may appear—but who is the one that suffers from this? Can you produce that one? Okay, what is your experience of that one? Where is that one?

It is there somewhere. There is a heaviness in the heart biologically. Something feels blocked here. Something... I can also feel that blockedness.

So what you are basically saying is that, like a child says that if there is no monster in the cupboard then why am I feeling scared? Because there is a sense of fear, there is a blockedness there, therefore there must be a 'me'. Are we willing to live with that presumed 'me' just to presume a monster in the cupboard because there are these by-products, circumstantial evidence? You see, there is fear, there is anger, there is loneliness, there's guilt; all of these things are there, therefore there must be a 'me'. What if we try to meet the 'me' directly without these by-products? Who is at the center of all of this? It is not the body, because the body is not missing the relationship. The body is just sitting. The body is just here. It is fine; it's comfortable on a chair. The body is not saying 'I am this way, I am that way, I'm good, I'm bad.' The body is just a body, a bundle of flesh. And all these attributes of good, bad, struggling, happy—all of these belong to who?

They are habits. I can see they are habits. And then because we are following a certain lifestyle from beginning to now, we don't have... so we identify.

Yeah, okay. Very good, very good. I want to ask you something about that. The one that sees, the one that is seeing, you see—does that have any problem?

I don't know.

'I don't know' is good. 'I don't know' is good; it's worth exploring. And I can tell you, it does not have any problem. It is your beingness itself which is perceiving, and your being by itself never has a problem. It is the made-up entity called the ego, tied in at the identified, the one in the story, the protagonist of the story, which seems to have all of this. But that one—the good news is that that one doesn't exist. Now, the mind does not like hearing that because the mind has built up all the constructs on the basis of the existence of that one. Now suddenly you come to Satsang and this guy is telling you that one doesn't exist. The mind will hate that and want to attack me with all its might, if not now then later. But that's how it is. You cannot find the one, you see, who is lonely. You can find the one that is perceiving, but you don't find either one as an entity of sorts. Now, this one that is perceiving, can that be perceived? Can the perceiver be perceived?

I don't know that at the moment. I can just... I can see that there is a watchfulness.

So do you feel like this is an important question? Because suppose you spent your whole life solving problems of this 'me' and going through all the stories of this 'me' and the ups and downs of this 'me', and at the end you realize that there is no such 'me'. Won't that be a waste? A whole life you thought you were a frog, but at the end of the life you realize there is no frog, and he was just trying to find mosquitoes all your life to eat. That would have been a waste. So isn't it worth discovering that who is the one that I really am? Does that one really have a problem, or am I solving non-existent coins?

Could it be that maybe I am not interested in knowing who is this? You know, maybe I want to become the madness completely.

It could be, it could be. But something brings you to Satsang. Whether it is... see, those who are not interested, then they find no reason to come to Satsang. So although it may seem like 'I'm here because I'm suffering from loneliness' or 'I'm here because I have this addiction to some substance,' you see, but my feeling is that anyone who comes to Satsang, there's a sliver of openness for this discovery in them. Although the mind may paint it to seem as if it is too hard or difficult, or 'Are you really interested in this?' You see, these kind of questions may come. But something keeps bringing you back, and I feel like that itself is a sign that there is something there. Now that you're here, you see, but now that you're here, just inquire. Isn't it worthwhile to check? See, suppose you spend your whole life representing somebody who never existed. Are you willing to sacrifice your whole life to that one? You see, everybody lives in a way that they presume that 'I am this body-mind.' Everybody presumes 'I am this body-mind' and wants to live their life, you see. And yet the ones who are truly happy in the world are the ones we call sages who have come to self-discovery. So what are these ones who are coming to happiness and contentment, who have come to a self-discovery? But the rest of the world seems to be running on a treadmill of suffering, you see. So something in you has suffered enough from all of these things—from relationships, from these physical things—that something is opening up to discover higher truths about yourselves because you're looking for some contentment, some peace, you see, because you've been up and down too much on this roller coaster. Now, you see how this turns out, nobody can predict. But I want to use every opportunity to make sure that you find what all of these ones who achieved contentment are finding. So if Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi got it, if Guruji got it, if Papaji got it, then why not you? So what are they saying that got them through this peace, to this contentment? They are saying we must find out who we really are. We must find out who we really are because as long as we keep taking the narrative from the mind that 'I am this body,' till then this suffering never ends. Then I ask you, okay, can you look and find the one that is suffering? You see, 'I don't know'—that 'I don't know' is very good. That 'I don't know' is at least a huge leap from the idea that 'I know it is me that is suffering.' Me only? What do you mean by that question? You see, at least you are able to look and see who is this one. Is it the baby that was born to the mother? That baby, every cell in his body has changed now. Is it the one that is going to die on the deathbed? That one, all the body will be fully different from this one. So who is this one that is here now? Until we don't know, how can we say 'this is happening to me' or 'this is not happening to me'? Who is that one to which it is happening or not happening? You see, now I'll give you some tips which will help you in this thing because otherwise it can seem impossible. So what I notice you do is that when a question is asked, you go to that which we call the mind, you see, for the answer, because maybe you feel like you're on the spot or something or you need to have an answer. So you go to that aspect of our being which we call the mind. Now, from the mind you cannot answer this question 'Who am I?' See, the answer is not available there. You may have an answer in your mind which will say, 'Oh, I am the Atma, I am this,' you see. All these answers we may have read in spirituality, but they are not helping you. So forget about them. They are pointless. Don't worry about any of that; that will not help you. See, so let me guide you and you don't go to your mind. You stay with the innocence of a child and see what happens. Can you try and stop existing right now? Stop being in this moment. Can you do it? Don't be. Don't exist. Tell me when you're done, when you don't exist.

Can't do it.

That being is God. That being is whatever you want to call it. Now, is there a lack in that? Is there something missing in that? Is that being lonely? Being lonely? Just look, don't think. Just look, don't think. You don't have to have an answer.

Can't hear you anymore. The loneliness is there. I can see the feelings also. I don't know. Right now, everything is fine.

So enjoy. Firstly, enjoy the fineness of right now rather than worrying about what tomorrow will bring. Otherwise, what's the point? Right now, can you hear me? Yes, this is fine and no echo is coming. Okay, so let's keep it like this. This is fine. You can keep it like this for now. So I'm saying that if breakfast is good, don't think about lunch right now. Enjoy the breakfast which is good. So if everything is fine right now, enjoy it. Enjoy the breakfast. Now, I was asking you whether this being... you said the feeling of fear is there. I'm not denying that fear may be there. Now, is the being suffering from this fear? Is your being suffering from it? Who is the fearful one? The fear is there, but introduce me to the one that is the fearful one. There is something suffering, but it's not...

Is the one that witnesses that something you, or is that something you?

The witnessing is me.

The witnessing is you. And is that witnessing fearful or lonely?

No, I can see the loneliness.

Yes, yes, yes. Very good, very good. So in the play of the waking state, in the play of the human condition, all these qualities and attributes are experienced. You see, they come and they go. Nothing comes and stays forever. You see, nothing comes and stays forever. So allow these to come and go. Allow these to come and go and notice that you are the witnessing of them. You are not something that is suffering from them. The sufferer is a made-up entity. It is just your mental narrative and your mind is oppressing you in this way, you see. But that story belongs to nobody actually. That story actually belongs to nobody because you are the pure witnessing of all of this coming and going. So when I say remain open and empty, it is not a practice. It is not a meditation. You don't have to be disciplined to do it. Just allow everything to come and go without making a practice out of it. Just make it your natural habit. Natural habit, because actually naturally you're like this only. Everybody right now is like this. Nobody is holding on naturally. It is just something we learned how to do. So whatever is being perceived, allow it to be there. Whatever thoughts are coming, allow them to come and go and notice that you are the witnessing of it, not that which comes and goes. Like this, you will notice that the addiction to thinking will stop. And as the addiction to thinking stops, then all other addictions will follow. You won't even remember you had them. You'll be like, 'What? I had this?'

I will be very aware in these two, three weeks. Sometimes life has to squeeze us to this point that we become open to change. Not only I think I am myself helpless with this.

Yes, that's what Guruji says, that when we run out of moves, when we run out of moves, that is when the truth becomes very apparent to us. So without Satyam forcing, even when the mind will say, 'But it's very boring, I'm not ready, I want to go and do something else,' see if you can come to Satsang often, you see, because Satsang opens up something in you. But your mind will hate that. So I'm already telling you in advance that it is going to resist. It is going to say, 'No, no, next week. No, no, I'll come to Bangalore one day.' It will say all of these things, but you try to come.

I am making a little change. I am shifting to Rishikesh so I can be near my family, I can be near Ganga and a lot of tourists and yoga classes. So where I am staying is very isolated, I have no one to talk to and it's just not comfortable to stay. So I am trying to make this change. I hope, I am really, really hoping this change will bring settlement with things. Then it will be also... I will also get my computer checked, then I can come for...

I'm sending you all my love, all my blessings. This sounds very good. Rishikesh, Ganga Ji will take care of you. And whenever you and Satyam have the chance, and his mother also if she's feeling well enough, you're all welcome to come to Bangalore for a visit if you like, whenever grace makes it possible. But in the meanwhile, full love, full blessings to all of you. Thank you.

Bring settlement with five things, then it will be also—I will also get my computer checked, then I can come for... I'm sending you all my love, all my blessings. This sounds very good. Rishikesh Gandhiji will take care of you and whenever you and Satyam have the chance, and his mother also if she's feeling well enough, you're all welcome to come to Bangalore for a visit if you like, whenever grace makes it possible. But in the meanwhile, full love, full blessings to all of you. Thank you.

I don't tell you, I just have just a few words. First of all, thank you from all my heart and the core of every cell of my being. And just a request that, you know, I keep you in my heart always and you remember me for truly what this is. Yeah, you know, when I stand before all the masters, then that is only my prayer: that keep an eye over me because I might forget sometimes this one. But please keep... it's a weird request, but this is all because I know that, you know, all what has happened, the greatest things which have happened in my life, they were not my doings. They were some grace came, and so that's why I know this, that this as you write, Guru grace, give him. And this is always so, there's just that prayer.

Very full, full blessing. It's always, always. Okay, let's go to Silvia.

Namaste. Thank you. I felt to come in front of you. I don't know exactly for what, but something inside, it's like pushing. I don't know, I feel an intensity to come. And when you ask if you are ready to be done with this, I felt yes, yes, very powerful yes.

Very good. Yes. Is there any message from the mind, any narrative which you still think has a lot of truth in it?

Yes. In last days something came very strongly and in regarding practical things like, and like some, what is worry? Worry and fear about future. Yes. And I saw that in that moment I can observe the play, but still it's like a powerful identification with this. Yeah.

Yes. So the minute we make the category of practical—and sometimes of course we use the word in satsang also—but the instant we make the category of practical, I've seen many of you feel like that becomes out of the scope of God or out of the scope of satsang to take care of that. So then we become open to worry because this is about practical life now, God can't take care of practical life, you see? But God is taking care of life, the entirety of life, and these categories don't exist. You see, who is making your heart beat in satsang? The same one is making your heart beat in so-called practical life. The one that is making the breath flow, all of these functions happen, all of that God is only doing. So if they stopped in so-called practical life and it was up to the mind, then the body would be dead in one instant. There would be no practical life.

The second thing is that when we say 'in my practical life,' is it an invitation to believe in our separation, in our identity again? And therefore then, because I am back to being a little old me, then I can worry, I can be wondering about the future. So then does it cease to become God's life because it is a practical aspect of life? Whose job is to run practical life? It's clearly not me.

Like in a personal way, it's God, the Self. But when the worry appears or strong emotion appear, I see that it's a mental knowing that, 'Oh, God is running this,' but it's not in my heart because I still go with the idea.

Let's clarify this. Let's make sure this is true, okay? The 'me' is a mental knowing. God is not a mental note at all points. There is no 'me' in existence. Existence is God. Consciousness is God, just naturally so. The notion of 'me' is a conceptual knowing. Right now, if you don't know anything mentally, there is no 'me.' Then in the job world or whenever you say the practical world, you see, is there a 'me' there and God is just a conceptual construction?

No, no, no. I saw that it's the other way around. God is the presence and this addiction... have I only lost her with the connection here? Everyone else can hear me well? Yes. Do you hear me now?

Not yet, my dear. Maybe we give it a minute or two. We can't see you also. Did you turn the video off? Oh, so it's my internet. Ah, no problem. We can hear you well now. Thank you. Good, good. So is your being changed between satsang world and practical world? Does your being change?

No. Now the worry is for whom? It is worry or feelings or something and ideas. Yes. And it seems like it's coming back to an entity which is in front.

I'll remind everyone of this. The false, or the illusion, or Maya, is designed to seem like and feel like. And if you keep saying that just because something seems like truth it must be true, then we will keep falling for Maya, you see? So just because something seems like it is going to an entity, does it mean that there is an entity? Have you verified that?

No, there is no entity. There is no person.

Yes, but I think of this a lot and stop that. You don't have to think of it at all. Not a lot. A lot is too much, you know? You don't even think about it a little bit, you see? You wish about it, intuit about it, you be with your intuition about it. The place of knowing the truth is your heart. The place of falseness is thinking. The place of limited constructs is thinking. Don't try to come to the master knowledge in your head, you see? The true knowledge will not be available because you think of something a lot. You may think and think and think for many lifetimes, but the truth will never be a product of your thinking. Become headless, my dear. Headless. Then no category of practical and satsang, no category like that. Life is just life.

And then this fear appears like I'm... it's still an ego who is afraid to... like it's too free. This life is too free or anything can happen. And yes, I cannot...

Who is the experiencer of that anything happening? Okay, I'm going to share a few words about this and this may bring some rest in your condition because you look a bit tired from all this contemplation, maybe conceptual thinking. So we feel like surrender means that I will leave everything to God, you see? Therefore then God, we say, 'You are the doer,' but I yet remain the experiencer, you see? So when I worry about my future experience, then I say my surrender is not full, you see? Because I still feel like God may not take care of me good enough. But this is still half surrender. Full surrender is to surrender the doer and the experiencer.

See, now if you surrender both the doing and the experiencing, then tell me how you can worry? Because anything may happen, but who will experience that anything? Will you as a person experience it? Is there a person there to experience anything? So we are worrying on whose behalf?

I feel in that moment it's not worth mentioning that one. In this moment it's not worth mentioning because it doesn't exist. Or does it exist and you don't want to talk about it? Those are two different things.

Like there is an expression of ego or separateness. All is an expression of your being. It is the subtitles in the story which tell us that there is an ego, there is a separate one. This is an expression of that separate one. This is just the narrative in the subtitles in the head. Whose expression is this right now? Can the non-existent one express? What is the dog next to you saying now? What is the dog next to you saying?

It's not real.

But what does it say? It's not real, but what is its expression? You see, if you were not being polite, you would have said, 'Father, what is this? I mean, there's no dog, how can it express?' In the same way, there is no ego, there's no person, how can it express? You see, if you mean that consciousness is buying into the narrative of the mind and in that buying into that story, what is coming out—are you calling that an expression of the ego? Yes. Like you were to believe that there is a dog actually and it wants food and you say, 'I want food.' Like that, is that what you mean? Okay, then stop it. What stops you from stopping there?

What kind of addiction? Stop the addiction.

Appropriate. You as consciousness can drop it easy. What to do to drop it? It is just an emptiness, just openness, just distant emptiness. You have to let the next thought come and go. Whatever the thought is, let it come and let it go. You can do it. Full power. Don't ever buy into the idea that the mind tells you that you can't do it. You can't do this. Of course you can. The thought can come and the thought can go. You can allow it to go. Nothing can take this power away from you. This is what I mean by open and empty. This is what I mean by headless.

Yes. May whatever needs to be done here... like I see more and more it's not about what this mind is thinking. What if your grace and your, I don't know, wants to pull it fully, take this?

So don't think about it. Yes, you're disputing yourself, just troubling yourself. Don't worry, everything is fine. Don't have to worry about anything. Divine grace, as long as you believe that something is happening, I've given you the reassurance that everything is the master's grace. You don't have to worry.

I feel to say that you mentioned about the happening. Sometimes like what you say from the true point, it's like not just clear, but about like I can say yes, it's not happening. And it's like lately it's changing very fast from this point. Like it's still mind, but in the next moment it's... but it seems like, 'Oh, I'm doing everything, everything is happening,' and it's very aggressive. Just want to put this at your feet, this ignorance, arrogance, aggressiveness, all this.

Yes. One solution to all of this: just give me your head. Don't take your head back after this conversation. Just give it to me. And even if it feels like it's on top of your shoulders, let it be my problem, you see? So all of its problems and anxieties and ignorance and arrogance, all is my problem. Although it may seem to be sitting on your shoulders, it's still mine. Okay? Please take it and thank you. Thank you, good, for your presence and for your love for us and for every satsang.

Hey, hello. Yeah, thank you. I really thought I need to speak to you. Yes, very good. No, it's not so clear what I want to say anymore, just to show up.

And it's very good like this because actually it's never clear to me what I'm going to say next. I have no idea. It just shows up and it's fine. Even if it's not fine, it's fine.

And it's good because before I really felt I need to know what I need to say and I was rehearsing, and now it's okay somehow. I feel like I see many little good things, like more and more I can see the mind, like I can recognize. But there still feels like a lot of effort many times, like I'm just telling myself all the time, 'Don't listen, don't listen, it's not true, I'm not this, I'm much bigger than this.' But it feels like an effort, you know? And sometimes it feels like I really have to do this effort because I'm enough of this negativity. Sometimes it feels like also this prayer, if it could just fall away by grace would be so good, because sometimes it's so much effort and I don't know, I'm not sure when I'm doing too much or...

Now the thing is that it may seem like effort, but actually it is the letting go of effort. It may seem like effort, but the letting go of the mind because it is talking nonsense and it's talking untruth about me, about my reality, is actually not effort. It is the withdrawal of effort. The effort has been to give it attention. Yes, you see, that is effort, to pick up and to believe. And yet because in a way it has been a habit that we have been making that effort, then to come to effortlessness seems like that is taking some effort. Now that effort is fully worthwhile. As long as it feels like effort, it is fully worthwhile because it is not true that it is effort, you see? If it was true that it was effort, then you could be tired from it. But this is just the mind complaining because you know how it feels? It feels like being in a swamp of negativity.

It has been a habit that we have been making that effort, then to come to effortlessness seems like that is taking some effort now. That effort is fully worthwhile as long as it feels like effort. It is fully worthwhile because it is not true that it is effort, you see? If it was true that it was effort, then you could be tired from it. But this is just the mind complaining because you know how it feels. It feels like being in a swamp of negativity, and I just feel like I have to stand up, I have to rise up, and like the thoughts are pulling me down. But maybe the mind is helping you with this narrative. It is not true, okay? It is telling you the story that this is what is happening to you. Let's do it together, okay? Tell me how you have to make it. Let the mind come and go. What is the effort you have to make? When it feels like effort, just raise your hand.

See, already so good, so good. It doesn't feel like this always. Like when I'm just moving, it feels like also when I listen to you, I feel there is like an energy in me, like very dense and strong, like the fight of the mind, you know? And I have to make an effort to listen to you. And sometimes, yeah, I feel something is coming in, but not like I just wish I could hear you, you know? Like really to feel what you're saying, like to experience it. And it's just sometimes it feels like still a process and it's like frustrating.

Yes, don't force yourself for that. I hear this report very often that 'I can't hear you today, I can't hear you.' Many people say like that because the mind is very active or too much is happening at the emotional layer. Something, don't worry. Just keep showing up. Just keep showing up. It's fine.

Still, I have to say this, like it feels like this energy, like this density, is like when I'm looking in a right way, it's like dissolving. But it's also in a way it's in the way of listening. I don't know, I just feel like this.

I have something, some advice for you. Homework for you. Some more homework, which is that for one week till we meet next time, you will not have any idea of what is right and what is wrong. Like what is good, what is bad, what is right, what is wrong—forget about it, okay? So, 'I have to listen more, I have to listen less, this is good for me, this is bad for me'—all this, forget about it. Is it okay?

Like many times I'm just in satsang and I feel I'm just here, I can't understand anything. Not really understand, but like to feel that it's resonating.

Yes, it's coming. It's okay to just be there. Yeah, when I want to shake you up and get your attention, then I will start speaking loudly and make some gestures or make some stories. It's okay, leave it to me. It's not your problem.

So look, but I have to also ask, please, like I'm praying all the time, like please just make things easier because it's really, really tough sometimes.

Yeah, so I like tough. Who is it tough for? No, I hear your prayer, of course, and it's in my heart. But really, when my children get into a narrative of the non-existent one, I have to point it out. Who is it tough for, my dear?

I don't know. Find the sufferer? Find the sufferer and I will fix it. Suffering... can we find the sufferer? All right, I don't know how to. I don't know. Like I tried to look even before when you spoke to somebody else and you said, 'Look who is suffering.' I try to look and there's like this dense energy inside me and I don't...

It's going too far. Trying is going too far. Yeah, then I don't know, right? Don't try at all because trying is grasping. Grasping is suffering. So I don't want you to try. You say without trying, you can say it's quite tough for me. So who's being represented in that? Without trying, whose report is that? It seems quite effortless. So, 'It's been so tough for me.' So in that effortless report on the 'me,' who was the 'me' that you were talking about? Okay, now effortlessly, who is here now? You're here now. Without any effort, you're here, yes?

But I feel I'm not true. I feel the mess than the me.

The false one doesn't exist, my dear. It's just an idea. You are here right now or no?

Yes.

So this one that is here cannot be the false one. It is your being itself. You are aware of your existence instantly. It's no effort. No effort. You are aware of your existence, that's why you say 'I am here.' No, you're not aware? Let me see the one who's unaware here. You are not aware that you are here? Who is it then? Why is it... why does it seem difficult? It is asking simple questions. Okay, you are aware of this hand?

Yes.

Yes, that's it. That 'you' is the truth. Can't go anywhere. That 'you' is the truth. That's it. I know the mind will say, 'Then what is the big deal?' That's what I'm saying. It's hidden in plain sight. The unchanging reality of the pure Self is the one that is aware of the perception of this hand. It is you. Do you have to work hard to be aware of the perception?

No, but there is something else, you know? Like there's not... there's like a distortion here. I can't explain. Like something doesn't feel right.

Is the same one... that's why I said forget about right and wrong. Is the same one aware of even that distortion? Or is it a different one that is aware of the hand and the distortion?

A different one is aware of that distortion. Is it the hand you are aware of? I don't know. Like it must be me, no? I should be aware, but it's not like a... I don't know. Whatever you do, just feel like something needs to be cleaned and dissolved. Like a lot of mental, you know, like this in me, like in my head and everywhere. And I can't do it. Like it's just that thing needs to happen.

You're seeing the hand clearly, you know? You're seeing the hand well. That's it. You are seeing it. You. That 'you' is your reality. What cleanup needs to happen for it to be you? It's just you naturally. Are you all with me on this? You don't feel like, 'Oh, this is happening, this has to go, this has to become better, this has to become right.' You see, this is bad, but you're aware of your perception. You are aware of your perceptions. You as awareness are aware. It is the truth of who you are. You can't shake it. Anything can come from your mind. You say distortion; the whole world may explode, but you, that cannot change for you because you will be aware of the perception of the explosion. Everything you are attached to may go to bits, but you will still be there to witness it. That 'you,' you already know. The 'you' knows itself. So all the fixing is just made up. The one that is aware of the hand, what needs to be fixed for that one? Does it apply? All these notions, do they apply to that? Events don't take any position. You don't have to do anything. You've been working too hard so far, yes?

Yes, and I'm doing it all the time. I don't know how to stop because also something feels right about it. Like some effort which is good, like I'm not sure.

Forget about what I said, just because I realized immediately the little guy gets that check. The spiritual guy, the ego, which is the checker guy, says, 'Ah, so it's okay to make an effort then.' You've not been working hard at all. Just keep working hard. Got it? One advice I'll give you, and maybe it will be... it may sound complicated, but allow all opposites to exist in your head. Don't be troubled by them at all. You don't have to conclude which is the right way, which is the wrong way. Forget about right and wrong, good and bad. The world is good, the world is bad. The world is up, the world is down. The world is jumping, the world is still. And allow every opposite to be there. It doesn't matter. When the zebra jumps up and down at the same time, it becomes a giraffe. That's the highest. Oh my God, what can I say? Yes, okay. Something for all of you. I got reminded of this because the words that just came out of this. Okay, maybe I read this out for the ones in the room. A particularly intriguing category of Kabir Ji's poems is the type known as Ulatbansi poems, in the upside-down language. They intrigue because they are absurd, paradoxical, crazy, impenetrable, and yet they point to being meaningful. Upside-down poems are part of the long tradition in India and can be related to similar expressions across the world. One of the similar expressions, of course, is Zen. Let's see what this one sings. He says that whoever can decipher this poem will become free. Got it? I think something all of you will relate to. But I have a bit of a meeting, so at the end of satsang next week. Thank you all so much for being in satsang. You.