WHO IS AWARE OF AWARENESS

Book Description

Based on a series of talks given by Ananta in July and August 2016. “Can it be that all the wise ones were fooling us with their imploration ‘Know Thyself’ just so that one day we would come to this conclusion that ‘The Truth about the Self is unknowable’? The Realization of the Self is completely possible! The Self is completely Knowable! But not in the way we think. Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi’s repeated advice to inquire ‘Who Am I?’ and Nisargadatta Maharaj’s guidance to stay with the sense ‘I Am’ was not so that one day they could say ‘Fooled you!’ There is a big clue in the phrase ‘Know Thyself’. The clue is to look at this Knowing itself.”

Satsang with Ananta

High above the noise and pollution of Bangalore traffic on Old Airport Road, Beings from all corners of the world gather on the top floor of a multi story building. Flowers are placed where Anantaji’s feet will be and on the altar with photos of His Master, Sri Moojiji. Incense is lit, water is poured, and the Sangha sit quietly waiting for Anantaji, or Father as most of the Sangha lovingly call Him, to enter the room. When Anantaji joins the room, the Sangha stand in reverence and respect until their Father is seated. Ananta opens His mac laptop, connects to google hangout where there are many more Sangha all around the world waiting to join in live. And Satsang begins with “Namaste everyone, a very warm welcome to satsang today, Satguru Moojiji ki Jai.”

Forward by Ananta

~ ~ ~

On True Knowing

For most of us, to know something has meant that we have a concept about something.

To illustrate…

If a credible source tells us that the Universe has 100 billion stars, we feel that we now know something about the Universe.

But is this really true? Tomorrow an even more enlightened source might say that there are only 75 billion stars. And we feel ‘Now I really know something about this Universe’. Still not true.

Therefore, to know the truth about the real number, we must have a way to check, and since most of us don’t have any device of this nature, it’s better to say that ‘The truth about this is unknowable at the present time’.

Now to the main point…

Sages and philosophers over centuries have said that it is most important to ‘Know Thyself’. This presents a problem because most did not say how this must be done, they did not clarify the means by which I can truly know myself.

Therefore most of us take the usual route. We start collecting the best-sounding concepts from the most credible sources.

Some of the most popular ones, which have survived hundreds of years, are about where we will end up and not about who we are: ‘If you are righteous, heaven awaits you. If you are a sinner, you will burn in hell’.

Many believe these concepts, but do we really know them to be true?

Other concepts seem more helpful: ‘I Am That I Am. God is Everywhere’.

But has belief in these concepts really helped us in becoming free from suffering? More importantly, have they helped us discover who we really are?

Is a bundle of spiritual concepts what separates a Jnani (Sage) from the rest of humanity? Clearly, the answer must be ‘No’.

This is seen by some and they (wisely) give up on concepts about the Self. But some settle instead for another larger concept that ‘The Truth is unknowable’. ‘Just like the number of stars in the sky, I have no device to check ‘Who Am I?’ therefore, let me find comfort in saying it was all one big trick. I is unknowable’.

Can it be that all the wise ones were fooling us with their imploration ‘Know Thyself’, just so that one day we would come to this conclusion that ‘The Truth about the Self is unknowable’?

If this was true, why didn’t they just say so? Why couldn’t they just say ‘Drop all ideas and forget about the Self’?

Could it be that there is more to this pointing ‘Know Thyself’ than to just to come to the negative conclusion: ‘Impossible!’?

There certainly is.

The Realization of the Self is completely possible. The Self is completely Knowable. But not in the way we think.

Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi’s repeated advice to inquire ‘Who Am I?’ and Nisargadatta Maharaj’s guidance to stay with the sense ‘I Am’ was not so that one day they could say ‘Fooled you!’

There is a big clue in the phrase ‘Know Thyself’. The clue is to look at this Knowing itself.

This Knowing is the true Knowing. It is not conceptual, interpretive, creative or imaginative. It is not the mental replica of phenomena; it is neither description, nor visualization.

This Knowing is Awareness. It is the Knowing of our Existence.

Do I need a thought to Know that I Am?

This Knowing is not separate from Existence, just like the Ocean is not separate from the movements on its surface and gold is not separate from the ornaments made out of it. This Knowing is the noumenal from which the phenomenal appears; and yet it remains untouched.

To even report conclusively ‘That there is no Knowing’ then this would need to be Known, unless it is just a conceptual report.

If Awareness was just a functioning within existence, how is this known? How is the absence of Awareness known? Or is the absence of Awareness just another concept? Have we just replaced old troublesome concepts with new ones? Or are we truly reporting from what is Known directly?

The recognition the Self is the recognition of this Knowing. I-That-Am is this Knowing in Existence. All states, waking, dream and sleep, are Known by this Knowing.

Knowing Knows Itself, Awareness is Aware of Itself.

Are you Aware now? What Knows this? Is this Awareness just an idea?

Who is Aware of this Awareness? Is it not I?

It is the I which remains when all ideas about the false I are removed.

This is the Self Knowing Itself.

This recognition is the point of the inquiry ‘Who Am I?’ and the True gift of Knowing.

Preface

~ ~ ~

Direct Experience of the Fundamentals of Satsang

It would be good to examine some of the terms that we speak about; and examine with direct experience rather than conceptual understanding. Because mostly what happens is we feel that the understanding of something is good; when ‘I have a good concept about it’. But this is not the case. So maybe we can go through the layers of this appearance, and ‘To What’ this appearance appears, and examine it together to remove any conceptual baggage about it.

So, when we refer to things like mind, Consciousness, Awareness…, these terms; we don’t have to go back to concepts about them, but as they are heard in satsang then you are following along with the direct Seeing of what is being shared rather than some idea about Consciousness or Awareness.

Shall we do this today? We’ll just examine all this so that we are clear about the fundamentals.

Okay, so what is it we mean when we say ‘the world’? Very often we say ‘the world’ or ‘this leela’ or ‘this realm of appearances’. We use all of these terms. So, can we look now at this realm, at this world of appearances, without any conceptualizing?

With our eyes, we can look at the objects around us, and just be with them. And if the labeling comes, let the labeling come and go; don’t try to stop the mind. You will see that the mind wants to come and label everything that is appearing for you; so you let it come and go without actually giving it much attention or belief. So, can we be with the objects around us, just as they are, without any interpretation, any concept? Can we truly meet the world in this way, and not meet an idea of the world?

Examine it. Look at how we perceive the world. So just playfully, playfully, examine the world and see how this appearance is appearing. How are you perceiving this appearance? Notice how inherently nothing that is appearing has a meaning. All the meaning that something has, has been provided by our mind, by our thoughts. What is appearing is just appearing. All that is appearing in this seeming-outer realm is what we refer to as ‘the world’. But it is not just that. We also refer to that which is appearing in this seemingly-inner realm of appearances; like memory, imagination, thoughts, sensations in the same realm of appearances.

Examine your next thought.

How is a thought perceived?

What is the size and shape of a thought?

Do you hear your thoughts or do you see them?

How are they perceived?

Can we find out where it is coming from?

And where it is going?

Where does a thought arise?

Is it inside you or outside you?

How is this energy of thoughts perceived?

The appearance of a thought is the mind.

That which we call the mind is nothing but these thoughts and similar energies.

And in the space between thoughts is no-mind.

So these thoughts are just one aspect of these internal ‘objects’.

One type of these ‘objects’ are thoughts.

There are other types of ‘objects’ also, like sensations.

It is these sensations that seem so intimate.

It is the intimacy of these sensations which make it seem like ‘I am the body’. But the body is experienced just as a set of these sensations.

To experience the body is to experience these sensations.

Are these sensations inside you?

Or are you within these sensations?

What is your relationship with them?

Experience the sensations in different parts of your body.

And notice how they are just a different type of energy.

It is these sensations, along with the visual representations, that we call the body.

Now, there is another type of sensations, another group of sensations, that which we call the emotions.

See if it is possible to bring your attention to any emotion that might be present now.

Examine this emotion; get a ‘taste’ for it.

Observe that qualitatively an emotion is experienced differently than a thought. A thought is coming and going very fast.

But an emotion can linger.

This is what we mean by emotions.

Now, we can bring our attention into our heart.

And move our attention up to our head.

See if you can examine, not the sensations, but the attention itself. What is it that moved from heart to head?

In the movement of that which we call attention, what is it that actually moves?

What is the color of this attention?

What is its size?

Focus your attention on a particular point.

And now let it go completely.

What is this force, this power, which can be focused and can be let go?

Observe that only that seems to exist for you on which there is some attention. That which has no attention does not seem to be a part of your living existence.

Leave your attention completely free.

Now, this is the attention.

Now gently wait for a thought to appear, in its own time.

And observe how attention can go to this thought.

You’ll notice that when a thought is there, you also have another power, which is the power of belief…, which means to say whether this thought is meaningful or not; to accept or reject this thought.

Play with this power of belief.

Even if the thought is saying ‘I’m not getting any thoughts now’.

Notice how you can believe it or not believe it.

Notice the difference between attention and belief.

Now, with childlike innocence, make a complete effort to stop being.

Don’t be. Just stop being.

Don’t understand the request.

Just stop being.

You find that there is a sense of Being, a sense of existing here, that cannot be stopped.

I Am.

Independent of the thought ‘I Am’…, the Presence I Am, this sense of existence, I Am. ‘Taste’ your own Presence.

This Presence is what we call Beingness, Consciousness, The sense ‘I Am’. Sometimes we even call it God. Atma.

Rest in this Presence for a while.

If you can’t seem to find this Presence, see if you can stop being.

This Being is Presence.

[Long sitting in silence]

Now, with the same innocence, just check:

Who is aware even of this Presence?

There is an undeniable awareness of it.

What is the nature of this awareness?

Try to find one attribute, one feature, of this awareness.

Are you aware now?

What is the nature of this awareness?

And when we say ‘I am aware’ which ‘I’ is this one?

Who is this ‘I’ that is aware?

Is it outside of awareness?

Are you now an entity that is aware?

Or just Awareness aware of Itself?

Is there a beginning or an end to this awareness?

We’re Here to Recognize Who We Are

The intent is not to replace your personal conditioning with a new with spiritual conditioning, new conceptual framework of spirituality. That is not what we are here to create. We are here to recognize who we are and to drop all conditioning.

[Silence]

So if there are questions we can type them out and then maybe I can look at them tomorrow. One we already have from Vedika, so someone…, maybe the moderator Ram can just make a note of these questions and I can read them tomorrow. [Smiles]

[Silence]

Mind says ‘What am I doing here? What am I learning in this silence?’ Nothing! That’s the point. The more we learn, the more identified we become; attached to our concepts, to our spirituality.

[Silence]

Get used to the silence.

[Silence]

The True silence of being empty of egoic belief, egoic identity. The mind wants to give you a seven course meal of concepts and you have consumed many such meals and found that they only given you the indigestion of suffering, even the best sounding concepts. If you feel you’ve found the best concept you’ll just try to defend it. It makes a person out of you.

In this openness, in this nakedness, some discomfort can come because this seeming suffering, this wobbliness, this fear makes you want to hide behind some ideas. And many times the ideas themselves could be Advaitic ideas; and many times those ideas can be those of giving up on satsang. Allow those ideas to come and go. Stay with the discomfort and find that you’re coming to your own naturalness, the acceptance of what is. The addiction to believe, the addiction to identify, is what is being rooted out here.

[Silence]

How many are sensing this, what I’m saying? …, that as we remain with our recognition of what we are and we are sensing this urge to leave our thoughts, something wants to hide behind some concepts. Are we able to check on this? This is the key to the removal of the egoic sense of separation. See this. The urge to interpret, the urge to judge, the urge to check your own progress, the urge to give advice, it’s all escapism from this openness. It’s very good if you spot

it, this sense of separation and how it emerges, how a concept can come and this whole game of ‘As if’ begins, and this primal sense of separation and how it emerges, how a concept emerges.

[Silence]

All concept means separation. Even the concept ‘We Are One’ is not required; not conceptually. So if we identify this…, see that it is this which is the root of separation, then what Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi will become so clear. Because he said that either we inquire…, to find what? ‘Whose is this? Who are these thoughts appearing to? Does any thought apply to the reality of what I Am?’ Inquire into who you are and see that these thoughts are meaningless. Or ‘Surrender it all to God, to Arunachala, to the Master’. The same thing. ‘None of what these thoughts are saying are my problem. All are my masters problem’.

In this way we are not picking up any concept about our self, no identification. Some are more attracted to inquiry and some are more attracted to surrender; some are a bit of both. Everything is okay. Some can just remain open. Like the Zen Masters have said ‘Just let thoughts come and go, just don’t serve them tea’. Just remain open like this, just surrender. It is enough.

[Silence]

And those which a truly sticky…, some of you are identifying with relationships, some are identifying with Veganism. There are judgments around these things, there are interpretations around these things. So when you are able to identify them like this, use them for the inquiry:

Whose relationship is it? Who is here?

What are you recognizing about yourself? That you are Awareness.

Can this Awareness have a relationship? Who is it that is here as a separate entity?

So then, as you inquire, you will find that if there is strong resistance to inquiry then hopefully you have been blessed with devotion; and say ‘Whatever is the problem, it is my Master’s problem, is God’s problem’. Then these will not stick. If you find that you are not able to do either, forget it. Just keep coming to satsang.

[Silence]

Every moment you can notice which thoughts still have juice for you. Which version of the mind still seems so important?

Is it the checker guy? Is it the rebellious guy? Is it the adviser?

None of this is You.

The reporter, the interpreter?

It’s just a voice, just an energy construct appearing and disappearing. Stay with That which is not coming and going, That which is prior to your beliefs, prior to your relationships, prior to spirituality. Don’t attach anything to ‘I Am’. Remain un-associated. Anything you attach to ‘I Am’ is a lie anyway; just a pretense.

Every moment, just emptiness; no concepts. Right now, you are empty. You’re empty now, you are clean, un-associated, pure Being Now. You Are. When you jump into your mind with belief, you jump into the dumpster of garbage. Don’t do it, now; just Now. Every moment you are pristine again.

[Silence]

How Consciousness wants to express itself in this illusory realm called Maya is up to Consciousness; including our own actions and reactions, (which are just the actions and reactions of this body), belong only to Consciousness. There is no separate entity here who has control. I’ve looked, you have looked. And if there is any difference it’s only that I am not believing in the one that I cannot find. And That which already Is doesn’t need my belief; it just Is.

[Silence]

Okay, suppose I said ‘Go to the terrace and in the sky you will see this big blue ball’. So you look up in the sky. You don’t see a big blue ball, but you see a message [that says] ‘Here is the blue ball’. You will come back and report what?

Q: I saw the message.

A:I saw the message. But do you say ‘Oh, the ball was there because I saw the message ‘Here is the blue ball’? [Smiles] This is what’s happening with us. We look for the person, we don’t find it. But we find a voice, a message; a voice that belongs to no one: ‘I am this one, I want this, I want freedom, I want peace, I want, I want, I want’. Because we can see the message, we pressure that the ball must exist. There’s only this voice. There is only this ‘lawyer that has no client’. [Smiles]

Don’t believe this voice because it is lying. Nobody has found a person. Look for the blue ball. Don’t just rely on what the mind is saying, what the message is saying. There is no separation there is no entity.

If we play a James Bond video game, is there really a James Bond? There’s the appearance of James Bond, there’s appearance of the entire play, but is that appearance of James Bond, (which you’re supposed to be in the game), is it separate from the rest of the game? No. It is one big play, it is one big Maya. Then how to play; as if you’re James Bond, how to play? The game has

a voice. It says ‘Mr. Bond your next mission is…’ [Laughter] This is the voice of the mind. You can only play as if you’re a separate entity within the game if you’re believing this voice.

This is one big computer game like this. You can only play as if you’re this name and form if you’re believing this voice which is telling you that you’re separate, that this is what you want. You have no likes and dislikes, you have no desires and aversions, unless you believe this voice.

Now, Now, Now

Don’t be scared of this Nakedness, this Openness.

[Silence]

This is your True Crucifixion. Stay with arms wide open.

[Silence]

You are being resurrected as God Himself.

[Long Silence]

There is no Identity Now. Now, Now, Now.

Unless you give yourself the space to think about it, you cannot pretend to become ‘something’. Even now you are nothing, no-thing.

[Silence]

Who are you before you think about it? Who are you when you just look? Who is looking?

Look for this one.

[Long Silence]

I’ll tell you a story that happened yesterday. [Chuckles] Most of you know I have two children, (physically, two children). [Chuckles] My son is older, my daughter is the younger one. He loves teasing her, she loves hitting him. [Chuckles] So, yesterday I told them, (they are both attached to their phones), ‘If you tease her, I’m going to take away your phone for a week’ and ‘If you hit him, I’m going to take away your phone for a week’. They were not happy. [Chuckles] They were both sitting. They started saying ‘We don’t like this’. [Chuckles] He started saying ‘I’m getting the best ideas to tease her; the best jokes. I’m dying here’. [Chuckles] ‘Can we get a pass here at least for a day?’ [Chuckles] [Laughter]

So what’s happening here? This is just the same thing that happens to the Sangha also. We feel like our report, our idea, is the best thing and we have to go with that. I keep pointing you to the recognition of the Self and the Silence. And something says ‘No, no, no; but this, but this, but this’.

Nothing is happening to You. The same tendency; to pick up our beliefs, pick up our ideas. I’m not saying that no movement or sensation is happening in the body. But in the reality of what You are…, is nothing.

It is for this reason that we’re so addicted to our concepts, our ideas. Because our tuxedo thoughts, the most well-dressed ones are meaningless. Our spiritual thoughts, the ones in the loin cloths are also completely meaningless.

Let go. Let go, let go, let go. Now, now, now, now.

What you’re holding onto is not the Truth. Let Go!

I know that Monday was supposed to be the day we take open questions. But I don’t feel like it today. [Chuckles] Maybe we will do that tomorrow…, if I feel like it.

Don’t give yourself the room to pick up any idea; even the best question. You’re coming to the pristine recognition. I’ve given you so many beautiful tools. Who is aware of this Awareness?

Now don’t sell yourself short by picking up some ideas. Because no idea applies to You. No idea applies to You. Ultimately, even the ideas of Awareness, Consciousness…, none of these apply to you. These are just pointers.

Are You Who You Think You Are?

Our stubborn insistence to continue to be the seeker, comes from this sense that it’s so difficult to admit that ‘I messed up’. What does it mean? This fear to admit that I was wrong makes us want to defend the in-defensible because we have invested so much in the idea that ‘I exist as a person’. Our whole life has been about this!

We have one who is new to the satsang, so let me take the cat example which I haven’t taken for quite some time. Suppose when you were born, you were born into a world which had no mirrors, so you couldn’t check what you look like but everyone said that you are a cat! Then you had your own thoughts which were also saying that ‘You are a cat!’ Everyone was also saying that ‘You can become a good cat by doing these things: by making money, getting good relationships, taking care of the body, doing some social service, etc.’ So all of these have been shown to you as bowls of milk. ‘Do this and then you’ll be happy, do this and then you’ll be happy!’ But have we found that happiness in anything which is material? Most of us haven’t. It gives us some temporary sense of happiness, which comes only from a sense of release from a desire. You say ‘I wish I had this money and then I will be really happy’. You get that money and instantly something feels good. What is happening is that knot of the desire is opening up, so you feel a sense of space. But the lasting happiness that you were promised is not found in anything which is material. So we keep going from one bowl of milk to another. We go from money, to relationship, to children, to family, to taking care of the body.

Then one day you meet someone who says ‘None of this will work, you must find the ultimate bowl of milk!’ Which is what? Freedom! Nirvana! Liberation! Enlightenment! (Whatever term you use). ‘You get that bowl of milk and then you’ll be just happy, in bliss, all the time’. This was the promise. Most people who come to satsang come with the promise that ‘I will get freedom, the final bowl of milk, the immortal nectar’. But instead of that, when you come to satsang, (especially to a satsang like this), you are shown a mirror or you are invited actually to see the mirror. You want this bowl of milk for the cat, but look at the mirror and show me whether you find the cat at all. So we have been told by everyone ‘I am a person, I am this type of person, that type of person’ and ‘Ultimately, the best way to live our life is to find liberation’.

When we come to satsang, we are invited to check ‘Am I a cat in the first place?’ There is no freedom for the ‘cat’ because the cat doesn’t exist! There is no freedom for the ‘person’ because the person doesn’t exist!

But what happens? If we had no investment in the person idea, if we didn’t care about it, then this will not cause so much resistance. Just say ‘I am willing to look. I look. Yes! I don’t find the person! I find the body, but the body is not interested in the money in the bank, the future of this life; it doesn’t care about any of this. I find that there is nobody here who is interested or concerned with any of that. I see this. Finished! Thoughts still come, which try to convince me that I am a person but I see there is no such thing, so I just laugh at them!’

It should just be like this. [Laughs] Isn’t it? That is the only difference, (if there is any), between a sage and anyone else, is that the sage is having so much comedy all the time because the thoughts are making him laugh. [Laughs] ‘You must do this in your life! You must plan like this for the future!’ [Laughs] Just laughing, laughing with everything!

So, why is not like this? It is because we have invested so much in the idea of being a cat. The sense that ‘One day, I will make it as a free cat. Maybe even he is deluded, because maybe he doesn’t know, but I can do it! I can make myself a free cat!’ The only freedom there is, is the freedom from the idea of being a cat!

[Asks the new visitor]: Any of this is resonating?

New visitor: [Inaudible]

So, what happens when I say that ‘You do not exist as a person’? Everyone is playing the role of a person. So what is the evidence of this one [person]? The body is not it; that most of us have seen by now. The only evidence of this person is the thoughts in our head. The thoughts which are convincing us that ‘You are a person, and this is what you must do to grow, to survive, to live’.

What must be asked, and what is being asked here is: Who is witnessing these thoughts? These thoughts which are coming and going, the space of thoughts which is also coming and going, who is the witness of these? Is there anything personal about that? Does that one have any desires and aversions? Is it suffering in any way? Does it want something? Does it want to change what is? Now, we have always presumed ‘that’ to be ‘me’. The one that is watching the thoughts, we have always presumed that that must be ‘me, but we have never really looked at who that is.

The ‘Me’ Pretending to Be Awareness

Our investment in the identity has been so strong that now, for most of you actually, your identity is just resting on your spirituality. I have to say this; you’re hanging onto dear life, the identity is hanging onto dear life using spirituality itself.

[Silence]

Just let it go.

[Silence]

What is true cannot be left. The Truth will not leave you.

[Silence]

You’re still presenting the ‘me’. I cannot give Freedom to any ‘me’. I can only show you what you are prior to all identity.

And what’s even uglier than the ‘me’ pretending to be the person, is the ‘me’ pretending to be Awareness. God-pretending-to-be-the-person-pretending-to-be-Awareness is a complete misunderstanding of satsang, a misuse of satsang by the mind itself. Pretending that I learned something or I understood something; satsang is not for this. It is to look, it is to check. And if there is a point to the sangha, the point to the sangha must be to be there to support each other in the dropping of concepts; to support each other when it seems like more and more concepts are being picked up, or when it feels like something is feeling hurt when the concepts are being dropped. It is for this that we have the sangha, not to spread some concepts. Whatever words are being used also are being used so that other concepts are being removed because of them.

So let’s all drop this stubborn insistence on being a person. Any personal attribute including ‘The seeker’ is not what You are. All the tools of what you have to do, what you have to check, what you have to drop; everything has been provided to you. Guruji’s [Mooji’s] grace has made all of this available to us, isn’t it?

Drop the idea that we have to get somewhere is personal, because both the recognition (Who am I?) and the recognition that ‘I am this Awareness’ is available Now.

And you cannot say that ‘I will drop the conditioning in the future’.

You can only say ‘Now, I am not buying what the mind is selling’.

Separation Doesn’t Exist Now

How many of you feel now that nothing the mind is selling us is relevant or meaningful or the truth? For any of you who don’t feel that this is true, you will find satsang very frustrating and irritating, because every day I am telling you this. And many times it can feel like, yes, yes, this is true. You recognize it intuitively. But somewhere subtly we are still holding some ideas. That’s why I feel that the exercise we did the other day…, where we looked at these aspects of our life to see what beliefs we could have. We said ‘Okay, what are the relationships you have? Do a quick audit of them in your head and see what beliefs you are still carrying about them’. Same way, we go for every aspect of life; about money, about health of the body and about being free.

You must not hide from this because one of the most revealing moments in life here was the moment when I realized…, before I met Guruji I used to read a Course of Miracles a little bit, and that has a statement saying ‘Love holds no grievances’. I had heard it even before but in that moment something felt to check. And one by one, I realized that everyone who was in my life, I have a grievance against them. [Laughs] You see, it can seem very…, ‘No I don’t’ but when you start checking; ‘I have this grievance, I have this grievance’.

When I started checking I realized that all this talk of love really holds no water, because we are believing some ideas. As long as we are believing some ideas, this oneness, this sameness even, cannot be there. And as long as we have ideas, then our love is just another fancy word for expectation or need. I can tell you that I don’t feel the ego can survive unless it has a grievance. There are few main pillars to this ego. One is this victim mindset, grievances. Second is this doership. But you take out one of these pillars and you see everything will collapse.

Allow the world to be free completely. Allow the movement of this body mind also to be completely free because that is also part of the world. It is not ‘I’ as the body mind which is forgiving the world. I-in-truth is forgiving the world which includes this body mind. You see? Then no guilt, no pride, no grievances.

Try it. Because I know the mind will come and say ‘But then I will become so irresponsible’ and ‘Then what about all those people that are causing so much harm to the world?’ and all of those things will come. The typical mind resistances will come.

How are we holding on to this false identity? Through the idea that ‘I am doing something’ or ‘Somebody is doing something’. Through the idea that ‘I can suffer something’ or ‘I can be the victim of something’ in my relationships, in my life, in the idea of this spiritual journey. ‘I am getting somewhere. I am making progress’.

Basically anything which the mind is saying is just to keep your sense of separation alive. It doesn’t exist NOW. NOW it doesn’t exist. NOW. You have to work to ‘become’. To pretend to be separate, you have to work.

The Beauty of Openness

One word which is really helpful is the word ‘Open’. And even to this day, I’m discovering the beauty of this openness. This openness means not the openness of the sheep nor the courage of a lion; neither of those. Openness to everything which is coming and going, including the words and reactions which are coming from this body; which is all part of the same coming and going.

There is actually no difference, (and we will see this), between that which is coming from there and that which is coming from here. It is part of the one play of Consciousness. And we will start to see these things. Because there is still the sense that what is coming from there is now the one play of the leela or maya; but here, what is coming from here, is still under some individual control. So, we become open to the world, which includes this body, and we become open to our thoughts, we become open to our emotions, we become open to our flow of attention.

Some of us are struggling to hold our attention in this flow. That is not freedom. That is a constricted state. A sage is not keeping his attention. [Inaudible] The other end of attention in any case is reporting here to Yourself. So, it doesn’t really matter so much.

Just as remain, open; the simple allowing of thoughts to come and go, (most importantly allowing of thoughts to come and go), then we see that all of this is just one play of Consciousness and there is no individual doer of anything at all. So, you cannot then feel guilt or pride. You cannot feel that ‘I am the victim’ or ‘I am something special’.

The mind is scared of this openness. This openness feels like death to the mind because it is so empty; nothing to hold onto. And our habit, our addiction, has become to hold onto this mind as a defense against this emptiness, against this openness.

So, as we are recognizing who we are it is also important to let go of that which is false. The recognition itself is the biggest help in that, because we see that none of this applies to Awareness.

And yet there can be that the recognition is there, but also some ideas that can come about the one that is not here. So then we elongate the journey. We’re just recognizing for 20 minutes every day ‘Oh, I’m Awareness’ and the rest of the day we are buying conditioning about that which is not here, the imagined or the presumed entity. Then it’s just the seeming-elongation of this non-existent journey. [Chuckles] That’s what we said; like that.

So, just to See that this Awareness is all there is. Even in its dynamic aspect playing, it is unchanging. And yet, the dynamic aspect of this Awareness has the power to pretend as if it is a person. And the more we pretend, the longer the journey will be.

If you drop…, NOW! The ‘Now’ is the biggest help. The ‘Now’ is the biggest help because right now there is no conditioning.

Keep Belief in Your Pocket and Set the World Free

Q:Ever since I saw you in Rishikesh, I knew I’ll be here. [In Bangalore, in satsang] I keep shifting between the convenient realities. [Laughter] There is something which puts me at ease when I want to be in that state but I somehow go back to that pretentious state and later on it becomes too far to even realize that I am there. I get confused between going by techniques or going by the inquiry of ‘Who am I?’ One thing that I know, that this is the truth, because whenever I ask ‘Who am I?’ I am at peace. After that, again the play begins. [Laughter]

A:But when you do ask ‘Who am I?’ the by product is that peace comes. But what is that you discover about yourself?

Q:I experience nothing when I ask that question. There isn’t anything there. But in a minute, I begin again. [Laughter] I don’t know what to do.

A:This ‘don’t know’ is very auspicious! This ‘don’t know’ is very auspicious. So now what is happening is that you have been looking for various things and you felt that they will give you some peace. Now you’ve looked even at spirituality and even at the inquiry ‘Who am I?’ to get you to a place of peace, happiness, joy. But it doesn’t work like that and you might be surprised to hear this. It doesn’t work like that because the point of the inquiry it to actually demolish all ideas about this one which itself is presuming to look for peace.

So as long as there allegiance to this one who wants peace, who wants happiness, then it continues to be the delusion of the non-existent one. Because this one we cannot find. The body doesn’t want freedom, the body doesn’t want to inquire. Who is the one that wants peace? That is really the inquiry, isn’t it? The inquiry is not to give peace to this non-existent one but to show you that this one doesn’t exist in the first place.

So you say that ‘There is nothing when I inquire’. And who is the witness of that nothing? The imagined one, the person cannot participate here because the person was just trying to figure out a way to be relevant in this discussion, isn’t it? [Laughter] It’s completely left behind.

We’re at realms which are prior to the birth of the universe and here this idea about ourselves tries to be a participant; but it cannot be because it cannot fathom this.

Q:Sometimes it’s too difficult to differentiate. It just gets caught. Sometimes we just get carried away thinking that you’re doing the right thing.

A:Okay, so don’t think about it and get carried away and show me. Don’t go there, just get carried away; without going to the mind. [Silence]

Q: [Laughter] Getting stuck…

A:Getting stuck? With what? [Laughter]

Q:The feeling of getting stuck, I guess.

A:There is a sense of stuck-ness or an idea of stuck-ness? You can differentiate between the two, isn’t it?

Q: I think it’s an idea.

A:Idea ‘You’re getting stuck’. But without that idea? And ‘without that idea’ doesn’t mean the idea shouldn’t appear. Only that the idea is allowed to come and go. That’s it. ‘You’re getting stuck, you’re getting stuck’. Let come and go. So what? No power can force your belief. It’s just a simple habit that we’ve picked up. The person-identity is just a belief, a collection of beliefs.

As you start playing with this, as you start seeing, one, that I don’t find this person. Then in that itself your belief will start to get dissolved. And then when you recognize what you really are, then all of this will start to lose its power where the game of pretending to be a person will dissolve more and more.

You can try, but you cannot really sit on two chairs the same time. You cannot say ‘I will keep my person for this, this and this, for my work, for this and that, but then in satsang I will get the truth, but I’ll try to juggle both of these’. It does not work and it just serves to prolong the journey. And it is based on the idea that ‘Outside of satsang I need the identity to function’ which is not true. Even work can happen without the identity of the worker.

Q:I’m really struggling with that. [Laughter] When I go back, I feel so shitty about it, plus I feel so helpless.

A:Where are you? Are you in Bangalore now?

Q:Yes, I moved to Bangalore.

A:Life has made the space to align with your inner most urge. So if your inner most urge now is the recognition of the truth and the letting go of that which is false, you will find that life makes the space. Don’t try to do something about it. This doership actually is one of the strongest pillars of the ego. If there is a desire in you to play with both ends of the spectrum, the leela and the truth, then that is how this manifestation will appear. And as that becomes clearer and clearer that ‘I just want the truth of who I am’ then you’ll find that trust and devotion and that which is running this life will take care of even this body, that will increase, and also you’ll find yourself more and more in the inquiry and in satsang. [Silence]

Q: I find it so difficult to trust. [Laughter]

A:You don’t have to even do that; even that is being done on its own. The development of trust can be very simple. All you have to do is see how what is being shared in satsang, how as you play with that, experiment with that and you’ll see that it helps. And as you see some things really work then more trust gets developed. So as trust gets developed more and more, as you hear the words of satsang and imbibe them, then you find that one day, without even making a switch like that, you find that not just trust but devotion is here, on its own. Because the love is already here, so love mixed with faith, mixed with trust, is devotion.

[Silence] [Laughter]

Yeah, this is actually a very good space to be in. This ‘I don’t know’-ness can seem a bit uncomfortable but it’s actually very auspicious. And as you get used to this greyness of ‘I don’t know’, this openness of ‘I don’t know’ then you’ll find that you don’t need to rest on conclusions all the time. The mind is saying make a conclusion, get to some conclusion that ‘What do I do now? What am I supposed to do?’ All of this. As we get used to not having any of this conclusion then we get used to our truth, which is not based on these mental conclusions. The mind is pushing some conclusion, pushing some interpretation. If you allow them to come and go, you find that this is so simple what we speak about here. Because we’re used to buying the ideas like ‘I don’t trust enough, you should do better at this, you should manage your things better, you should only be at satsang, and you should only be at work’. It will keep switching all these ideas on you. Don’t worry about them. Let them come and go.

Q: So, you’re the observer of the ideas.

A:Yes, yes. If it is possible just to simply keep your attention in that way, where you’re just observing, it is very good.

Q:Sometimes when I reach that space of not knowing anything, suddenly fear kicks in; like feels very suffocating.

A:Yes, yes, yes. Actually the last couple of weeks I’ve been speaking about this a lot. This primal fear, this dropping of the identity, to the mind is death. You see? So when Bhagavan [Nisargadatta] Maharaj said that ‘You have to go through your death to find your freedom’ this is what he meant. Because this not knowing, this neutrality, feels wobbly, suffocating, shaky; fear comes. And we want to do what? We want to run and hide behind a concept. The mind will offer up something like ‘But he gave you the answer, this was it’. And you buy that, just to get away from this. But if you can take the wobbliness for some time, if you can take the fear, let it pass, then you’ll see you’ll get comfortable with that not-knowing, this neutrality. And as you get more and more comfortable with the not-knowing, in fact you will start enjoying this. Then you go through the movie, not knowing what the next scene is like. You want to make interpretation and judgement which takes away from the joy of the present moment. This not-knowing; you don’t know what the next moment is going to be, you don’t know what I’m going to say in the next five seconds. Enjoy this movie. That is when we are truly meeting life. Otherwise we’re

meeting our ideas of life. So let it shake, let it fear come, let it happen whatever will happen. All these energetic movements will become like popcorn for you. It’s not such a big deal for you. ‘Okay, it is coming. Okay’. [Laughter] Feels a bit shaky in this not-knowingness, and it’s ok. Let it shake about.

What’s your favorite food? [Laughter]

Q: [Laughter] Biryani.

A:Okay, biryani. Have you heard me talk about this conveyer belt? No, you haven’t. This example comes from actual restaurant in London which is called Yo Sushi. So what happened in this restaurant is that you’re sitting at your tables and there is an actual conveyer belt which comes across all the tables with all the dishes over there. So, whatever you like in the conveyer belt, you just pick up. You don’t have to order, you don’t have to do anything.

So the mind is like this conveyer belt. It will bring various ideas to you; you can just allow them to come and go.

Now suppose that you love biryani so much that you can’t resist when it comes on the conveyer belt. Then you’ll find that initially this impulse will be there when the biryani is crossing, you know? You can smell it coming, with all the saffron and everything, you can smell it; and then you think ‘Maybe just one last one’. You pick it up [Laughter].

Just like this, the mind will offer you concepts. ‘Oh, but this not-knowing is too scary, it’s too crazy’. So all these concepts will come. All your concepts of unworthiness, not doing it right; all these will come. Because these are your favorite concepts, you indulge in them, and now there is a habit to pick them up. So the mind uses these opportunities to offer these up on the conveyer belt.

So all we have to do is not to pick up. Initially it can seem like effort, you see? Initially it can seem like effort. So when I say that there is no practice or effort here, actually it is true because actually it is in the picking up that there is effort. But because our habit has been to pick it up, it seems like there is effort in not to pick it up. So as long as that feels like effort, my suggestion has been that go ahead and make that effort. And ‘not pick it up’ means nothing; it only means allow it to come and go. Let the conveyer belt keep moving; you don’t buy anything from that.

You will buy; everyone buys something or the other. So when you do buy, don’t buy the next one, which will be the guilt one. The mind will come and say ‘See, now you’re such a bad boy. You picked up the biryani and he told you not to’. Then you pick up that one [thought]. And then it will come, saying ‘Oh, you’re such an unworthy seeker, you’ll never make it’. And you pick up that one. Not to do that! If you picked up one, it’s fine. Don’t pick up the next. That’s it.

We start with the salad actually. [Laughter] ‘Okay, now that I started, I might as well have the main course and might as well have dessert’. You see? This is how conditioning keeps increasing. So if you picked up the salad, then you don’t pick up the dessert. If you picked up everything, then don’t pick up the next meal. There is nothing to feel guilty here. There is no perfection to be attained.

As you allow your thoughts to come and go, then what happens? You’ll notice a shift in the quality of your attention. So, if your attention is like a fist which is holding on to things and you let it go, then it just opens up. All of us can play with this, if you like. Attention is concentrated, either without thoughts or some content in the phenomenal realm but as we open the fist of our attention, you’ll find that our perspective becomes more global. This is the letting go, this is the openness.

So allow your attention free. This is how to be tension free; if you allow your attention free.

You’ll see that if you find yourself stressed or tense about something, your attention will be closed up in a fist like this. [Makes a fist gesture]. Allow it to let it go then ease will come with it. We’re used to doing, doing; trying to get it right, trying to make it. And even in this spirituality, in the self-discovery, we try to use the same rules but they don’t apply; which is why it is so frustrating. ‘I try and I try’. Let go into this and your natural rest into who we are. This is simple recognition.

So let your attention free, allow your thoughts also to come and go just don’t give your belief to anything at all. Keep your belief in your pocket and set the world free; including your own body. You have maybe some concepts about the body; leave them also.

A Realization Made into a Concept Doesn’t Bring Freedom

A:The question is from Ziya. She says ‘Who is it that is going to believe or disbelieve their next thought? I’m sorry, Father, if I’m being and Advaita Jerk’. [Laughs] No it’s a very good question. ‘But it has been seen over and over again that no matter what I do, when there is suffering or belief in thought, that it drops on its own accord’. Yes. ‘No one is doing anything. Inquiry is the play. Who will abide as I am? Who is not believing their thought? Even if a ridiculous thought comes, the body still reacts in sensation as if the thoughts were true’.

Very good. It’s very good to inquire into this. So, these primal powers; attention and belief…, who do they belong to? When it is said bring your attention to your nose, (for example), who is it that moves their attention to the nose? The person doesn’t know how to do this, the person is non-existent and yet there is some direction given to the attention. So who is here that does that? It is the only One, the manifest Presence which is this Consciousness itself.

Does Consciousness need to hear from Consciousness Itself that you must not be believing your next thought? Not in the ultimate reality, but in the play. In this play we have the entire realm of expressions which appear and the mind says ‘You must become a better person, you must be honest, you must make some money, you must have better relationships, you must take care of the body in this way or that’. Who is doing all of that? That is also Consciousness. You see? Once it is clear that all there is is Consciousness then no pointing, no instruction actually is necessary. But I’m still an active participant in the play and there is still identity, personal identity, playing out in any aspect of life including in our spirituality. Until then this instruction, this pointing is valid. This is how the play has been designed.

If the urge if here to discover the recognition of the self and the dropping of that which is false…, then along with that urge, in the appearance, in the realm, you will also find the appearance of the Master who is seeming to provide direction. Because we got used to not relating to that which is Formless. We’re unable to come to this recognition and dropping of the false belief. That is why Consciousness Itself manifests this form as a Master to say ‘What is keeping you stuck is only your belief in thought’.

Now if you’re not believing any thought then this pointing is not needed. You see? But if you’re believing thoughts about other things, other topics in our life, then don’t say ‘But who is there, not to believe?’ The same One, the actual same One, who can pick up or not pick up on the conveyor-belt of food, is the same one who can pick up or not pick up on the conveyor belt of thoughts. Only that One is present as Presence itself. That is why we say that this is just a monologue that Consciousness is having; actually this entire realm is just a monologue that Consciousness is having. But this monologue has a different quality to it because the rest of the talk in the world is about separation. This is about how to drop the separation. Now, if no separation is experienced then no pointing is needed. And for this we need to use our power of ‘smell’ in some way. So, if you can smell that in every aspect of life there is only Oneness then

what pointing is needed? Nothing. But if you can still smell that there is identity playing somewhere, then use this pointing.

And as you see more and more that there is no doer here of anything at all, then you will find that all of this is one play. What is the best test of that? That in our neutrality we don’t find any form of resistance. So, once it is seen that there is no doer, then any pointing, even ‘Don’t believe you next thought’ will not be resisted. Because there’s nothing. It just flows in your neutrality. Because if something is opposing something which is appearing, then where is that coming from? What is at the root of that? Find out if the one that is saying that ‘This is not valid for me’ …, is that a tangible entity? Or who is that one?

Because the same things can be said in two ways. What you say can be said in two ways. One is that ‘Oh, wow, this is such a joyful discovery, that there is nobody here to believe or not believe thoughts. Who is to do this? Wow, this is amazing!’ And the second is to say ‘Oh, but who is here to not believe my thoughts?’ [Laughs] So, is this a discovery or is this a defense? That is what we have to check, isn’t it?

What I’m longing to hear from all of you is this perfume of it being the discovery, to say ‘Yes there is no concern here about suffering, there is nobody here, there is nothing which touches anything here; even belief, disbelief, attention, all of these things are not my concern anymore. God is playing like God is playing’.

Like this, you see? So, we can inquire into this and see whether this is coming from a sense of just openness. And then these words ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ will just be heard like music. And you know there is nothing to do about it because you’re not even identified with Consciousness to believe or not believe.

Now, what is the best test of that? If you find there is still a sense of suffering then it cannot be happening without our belief in some idea, in some thought. So, it’s very good if we remain open like this and we keep checking.

A:So first thing to check was whether this is a discovery, and we’re sharing with a sense of wonder that ‘Oh, there’s nobody here to even believe or not believe’. You see? It’s like this ‘Wow this is so amazing, so beautiful’. Hmm?

Or, is it some sort of a defense? Is it a discovery or a defense?

Q:Well, what was happening was there was so much suffering and I was out walking and I’d been doing everything, like inquiring, and.., everything, all the pointers that you give. And then suddenly it just dropped and there was the seeing from the place of…, well from everything, and this just absolute laughter of just how all of that effort of inquiring and not believing your next thought and doing a mantra and how all of that was just completely beside the point. And it was just like ‘Well, there’s nothing. It either arises and the inquiry will arise spontaneously…, which

will supposedly lead to this seeing from the truth. But actually what was seen is that it can just drop regardless of everything.

A: Yes, yes.

Q:And then I was questioning…, ‘Well, even satsang; even this is part of the whole play as well’. And there was kind of this frustration that came amongst it because ‘Well, there is nothing I can do. There’s nothing I can do. And if I’m identified then that’s what is part of the script for Ziya’. And it just seemed like ‘Well, I’m going to suffer then, if there’s suffering pre- programmed into this one’s experience; and it’s going to drop when it’s going to drop’. You know?

A:Yes, yes. Okay, so this is a very important point and it’s a bit subtle, so just let’s all stay with this for a minute because it’s really, really important. Because when it’s happening to you, you will be able to spot it then. So when there is suffering, what can happen is three or four alternatives.

First is when there is suffering then we can keep believing our thoughts and our suffering thoughts; and then we can go for a drink to drown our sorrows, we can do various things. Mostly when we are not in satsang, this is how you get over suffering, isn’t it? We keep thinking, trying to come to some mental resolution of the suffering; or try to distract our minds, try to get away from the situation, try to feel better. We do all of these things. So this is the first.

The second is that when there is suffering then the words which we hear in satsang, they come. They’re coming and they’re saying ‘Don’t believe you next thought. Who am I? Who is it? Can I find the suffer-er?’ And when it is looked into like this, you find many times that the suffering energy or the ideas that were being bought, (thereby creating the resistance, the suffering in the first place), they themselves start to dissolve. You see? So this is the second alternative, which deepens our recognition and deepens our dropping of the conditioning.

The third thing that can happen is that we’re using the words of satsang just conceptually. You see? And you find that there is no relief coming from the words, there is nothing that is really helping. And then a concept comes like ‘There is nothing to be done’ or ‘There is nobody here to do anything at all’.

This in itself is a spacious concept the first time. This gives some relief. Then because this gives some relief, (a sense of relief comes when we see that there is nobody here to do anything), then the mind plays a trick and says ‘Okay, now you must just hold onto this‘. So, that which was just insight from a pure Seeing, (that there is no sufferer, there is nobody here who can do anything in the first place), that insight itself the mind tries to make into a concept. And then this concept itself gets used to be a defense against all of that which we heard, which lead to the insight in the first place.

So, the point of all of the pointings is to bring you to this insight, into the reality of what you are. And when it comes, you find that there’s nobody here, there was no do-er at all. And it comes with a sense of relief. But it is not the concept which lead to the relief; it is the insight which lead to the relief. Isn’t it?

So, the trouble with this sometimes, (which I have seen; in fact quite often now that I’ve seen), is that once it is mistaken that it is the concept which brought about the freedom from the belief, then that becomes a state of a lot of dichotomy. So, the next time the suffering comes, we say ‘There’s nobody here to do anything, I can’t do anything at all, nothing is happening to me’. But actually the sense of suffering is still being experienced and we get frustrated that ‘The concept is not working; in fact it’s leading to more dichotomy within me’ then it becomes a very stuck sort of state. Because the suffering is coming; and also the concept, (which is ultimately true), is trying to fight that state of suffering. So it’s just like you’re stuck in this, (as Guruji says), the snake and the mongoose. You get stuck like that.

To stay with the recognition that there is nobody here, to stay with the insight that there is nobody here, is different from the concept that there is nobody here. And it is not the concept which will help, but the insight.

Now, all the pointings of satsang are used so that we can come to this same space of insight about who we are.

Now, why I’m questioning you about this one is that many times we get confused about this, and we take on the concept itself that ‘There is nobody here’ as a defense mechanism. That’s why I say it’s very important to keep checking ‘Am I sharing it as a discovery? [Am I] saying ‘Ah, there is nobody here. I have found there is nothing to be done, and it just drops by itself’?

Or are you saying that ‘Oh, what you shared in satsang, it is not at all helpful because actually there is nothing that can be done’. So then it smells conceptual. Because what happens is that you know for yourself that these pointers ‘Don’t believe your next thought. Are you aware now? Can you stop being?’…, all of these are very helpful.

So, if you find that something is trying to defend the concept of the insight that you received, verses feeling happy and grateful for all of those things which got us to the point of this insight, then we must see whether something is trying get hold as a mental idea. And then you will be able to smell the difference.

So when you say ‘Yes, Actually there is nothing ever to be done, nobody here to do anything; everything in the play of Ziya is just happening on its own. Just happening on its own, the suffering, the dropping. All of this is seen so beautifully, that there’s nobody here to do anything at all’. But in that it will not come with this sense that ‘Okay, but even satsang is not needed because everything is already happening on its own’.

Q:I really hear what you say, and there was definitely that moment of relief when it all dropped and there was just like ‘Oh, all of that’…, all of that inquiring and not believing any thought and feeling; all the feelings and letting them all course through the body, and you know, doing all of that stuff. It was seen that ‘Well, all of that doesn’t really have any relevance because it’s like…, (What do you say? The bird and the coconut?), it seems to be cause and effect but really it has nothing to do with it. And so there is this sense of personal frustration now because now I’m back identified as this, (well, not really, but more so than I was), and the thoughts come ‘Well, if I’m going to suffer I’m going to suffer. If I’m going to believe this thought then I’m going to believe this thought. And if I’m going to inquire then that’s going to arise all spontaneously’. So, there is this energy of ‘I can’t do anything.’ [Laughs] I literally can’t do anything and it’s completely the will of God’. And in that, there is this huge relief; but there is this knowing that identity will play if it wants to.

A: Yes.

Q:And suffering will happen if it has to.

A:Yes, yes.

Q:Sorry, Father, I feel like a complete challenging jerk but it’s what’s been Seen.

A:It’s good like this. It’s very important you come to satsang with all of this. It’s very, very important.

Now, let’s look together and see whether once it is accepted that everything is the will of God, can there truly be suffering?

Q: No, not in the ultimate reality; there’s no suffering. No.

A:No, even phenomenally. Now, we say that ‘Okay, everything is the will of God’. You see, that means we have opened ourself out; there is no resistance, there is simple allowing. Isn’t it? Because we are allowing the will of God, there is nobody separate to do anything at all anyway, so our fists are completely open.

Now, we will find that without resistance, without creating a closure in some way, without closing our fists in some way, really the sense of suffering cannot be. The sense of pain can come, the sense of even emotional pain can come, but to say that ‘I am suffering’ cannot happen because it is all the will of God.

But now the mind will come and say ‘But yes…, but even suffering has to come, even that is the will of God’. You see? And I have heard this often. It is actually sort of an oxymoron. To say that everything is the will of God is state of complete openness, and in a state of complete openness

we cannot find ourself suffering. So just remain open like that and see if it is possible for any suffering to come.

Q:How do you define suffering? Because you said emotional pain and emotional pain…, and that’s how I define suffering.

A:Yes. Emotional pain just means that there’s a sense of the urge to be with someone or something like that, or there’s a sense of hurt about what somebody said without it actually yet translating into something which is taken mentally or something like that. If you have a phone interaction…, or suppose I said something to you which is very mean right now, some sense of pain will come, without it being taken mentally. So, that is what you would be mean by pain.

But for it to become suffering, you have to get Ziya into the picture. You have to get identity into the picture. But there is no Ziya; everything is the will of God, God is doing and God is experiencing. You see? So if we are there, if we are open like that, then actually it is not suffering.

If there is suffering then we must inquire into ‘Who is the sufferer? Who is doing the inquiry?’ Or at least we must remind ourself that ‘It is all the will of God’. And you will find that if it is coming from a place of insight, it is the suffering which dissolves.

Otherwise, what can happen is we can take it conceptually that ‘All is the will of God, and even if suffering is coming there is nothing that I can do about it’. I’ve heard many speak like this. And when this concept ‘It is all the will of God’ is just taken mentally; once it is seen, once it is our living experience that everything is the will of God, then we cannot say ‘Everything is the will of God and yet I am suffering’…, except momentarily.

Q:But Father, Mm…, but this has been seen may times here and yet still there’s suffering, you know? Like…

A:Yes. Because it is not important what has BEEN seen, it is only important what you’re seeing.

Q:Yeah. [Laughs]

A:We cannot refer like that. We spoke once like this earlier. We cannot refer to past recognition.

Q:Yes, true.

A:We must rely on our present living experience. And as you’re opening now…, these are very beautiful words. You say ‘Everything is the will of God, there is no Ziya; God is the do-er, God is the experiencer’. Now show me suffering.

Q:Yeah. Well, I guess it’s just when a really heavy feeling in the body comes or when a huge anxious energy comes that there’s a label of that as ‘suffering’. But even when that is flowing through the body or being experienced, it’s known that it’s not true. It’s known that the thoughts accompanying these feelings and sensations aren’t true and that everything is scripted and like pre-programmed. But yet there’s a labelling of that as suffering; and there doesn’t seem that there can be anything…,

A:What you said very rightly is that the labelling of that is suffering. Actually, the labelling itself IS suffering. The minute we label it, it is suffering. You see? Now, of course, it is completely God’s will whether to label or not. You see?

Q: Yeah.

A:So this conversation is just God reminding Himself not to label. [Laughs]

Q:[Laughs] Father!

A:You see, if you say that ‘There is nothing for Ziya to do’…, I’ve never been talking to Ziya in the first place! Isn’t it? I know there’s nothing for Ziya to do because Ziya doesn’t exist. Now why does God need a reminder for Itself?

Q:It doesn’t. [Laughs] It doesn’t need a reminder. This is all part of the play.

A:Somehow. Somehow this is the way it is.

Q:Sorry.

A:No, it’s really good. I have also contemplated these questions many times. So why is it that God would need a reminder? It is just the way that this play is designed; that God comes to this space in the play where God is reminding himself not to believe His thoughts. God is reminding Himself to inquire into who He is or She is. It is the way the play is designed.

What I am questioning you to see against is that aspect of the play in which the insight takes on the role of being concepts; and they come into sound some sort of a cease-fire. [Chuckles] They come into some sort of a cease-fire with your suffering and say ‘I am going to suffer only. Okay, if it is destined in Ziya’s horoscope, then suffering will happen. Who am I to…?’ Then, if we’re looking at that situation from the perspective of Ziya again, then that is trouble. You see?

Q: Yes, but Father, if that happens…,

A:Now we spoke a bit about fear also, that when that urge…, (in that emptiness it can seem so wobbly and fearful), and sometimes it can be that our life situations are giving us so much trouble that an idea comes along that seems like it is the Truth. So, another tip for you is that if

you find yourself trying to just rely on an idea, rather than the idea just being a pointer to something, the idea itself will not be the end of suffering. You see? It must point to something. It must remove something, some idea, some concept. Only then the idea is useful.

So, let’s look at the original question which was ‘Who is here to do the inquiry?’ And what is the answer?

Q: There’s no one here to do the inquiry.

A:And who is the one that is speaking these words?

Q:I don’t know; it’s just a voice coming out.

A:[Laughs] So, would you say that you exist? Or no?

Q:[Silence] I can’t say I exist as a separate entity, but there is an energy construct in the body which makes me feel confined here.

[Silence]

A:So, would you say that the difference in the sleep state and the waking state is that, in the waking state there is a body and then there is a ‘you’?

Q:Mmm. [Silence] There’s just a complete disassociation to your question. I couldn’t hear a word of it. Can you repeat it?

A: Yes, I said that…

Q: Something’s feeling attacked, Father

A:Yes. How does it happen? She was just here. [In Bangalore satsang for months] [Laughter]

Q:Something’s feeling defensive. [Laughter] Huh, what did you say?

A:I said ‘How does this happen? You were just here’.

Q:I know. [Laughs] I told you not to let me go. [Laughs]

A:So, this…, I was saying that…,

Q:Father, what do I do? Because I know there’s no one here, and I know that if I’m going to suffer I’m going to suffer.

A:And this one who knows that no one is here…, is which one?

Q:I don’t know! I don’t know, Father. [Laughter]

A:Suppose we met someone on the street and they said that ‘Oh, I know there’s no one here’. Then wouldn’t you say ‘But who is the one that knows?’

Q:Yeah, but you can’t say who is the One that knows.

A:You can’t see, or say?

Q:Say, how do you say?

A:Can you see the one that knows?

Q:No.

A:Do you mean not phenomenally? But you are aware of the existence of this one, no?

Q:Well, even non-phenomenally, there’s like this energy in this other realm that I can see; but that’s not me because that can be perceived. But I always get confused when someone says ‘Can you see it non-phenomenally?’ because I think ‘Well, is that energy that I can see, me?’ But then even that is perceived.

A:Okay, so when I say ‘Are you aware now?’ Now, what happens?

Q:[Silence] I’m aware.

A:And you’re sure you’re aware?

Q:I’m not aware.

A:Huh?

Q:I’m not aware.

A:Ziya?

Q:Mm.

A:When you say ‘Are you Aware now?’ you say ‘Awareness is here’. Yes?

Q:Yes.

A:So, this seeing that Awareness is here or this statement that ‘Awareness is here’…, is it based on a concept or is it based on direct experience?

Q:There is a direct experience that there is just this awareness of every situation, of the mind, of the emotions, of the body, of everything, all being inside of me; there is this Awareness.

A:Yes, but why do we not say ‘There is a tasting of them’ or something? We use a specific word; Awareness. What does that mean?

Q: I don’t know, Father.

A: Yes, but are you open to looking? [Laughs]

Q:Yeah, but I don’t know what you mean by your question. [Silence] I feel like you’re trying to trick me.

A:Are you channeling somebody? [Laughter] Azhar: Me [Laughter]

Q:I just feel like it’s so clear…,

A:[Laughs] Azhar says you’re channeling him. [Laughter]

Q:Oh, God. [Laughs] This happened last time with Mooji, acting like this divine robot.

A:Your voice is breaking up again. [Silence]

Q:[Inaudible] here, Father. And now you’re trying to put me back into the mind and I’m angry about it because there’s no one here. Why are you trying to tell me that there is? Sorry.

A: [Laughs] Yes. So the one that is clear that there’s nobody here, can that be attacked?

Q:No, no, but this doesn’t…, this isn’t happening, this isn’t real, this character…., it’s not even…, I’m like flipping between the two and it’s really confusing. Oh, Father, what’s going on? Okay…,

A:It is in moments like this that I hope you love me enough to remain open to me.

Q:There is this sense of, like, even satsang is a lie.

A:Yes, yes, that’s why I’m saying that it is now that, even when we come to this point where even my words start to seem like some sort of an attack, then…, and very quickly this will translate into (if it is allowed to go like this), it will translate into ‘But I don’t want to inquire anymore. I don’t want to look with you because it is attacking me’. But what I’m trying to tell you is that if there’s a sense that ‘I’m being attacked’ then are we open to inquiring into the question: ‘What is it that I’m holding onto, which even now feels like it’s being attacked, even in satsang?’

Q: Yes, I’m really open, I’m really open to that.

A:Very good, very good. So otherwise, what can happen is that around an Advaita concept our mind will make some defenses very strongly.

Q: Yes.

A:And then even satsang will not resonate for some time, and it will seem like you want a break or you want some space because the insights that you’re coming to, they’re giving you some sense of peace from the suffering or something like that, you see? So throw out concepts. Is that a fair deal?

Q: Say again for me? Because you cut out.

A: Yes, if both of us drop all our concepts, is that a fair deal?

Q:Yeah. I’m sorry Father. I don’t know what just happened. [Laughs] I’m so sorry. [Laughs]

A:No, it’s okay,

Q:I’m so sorry. I don’t know.

A:It’s very good, I’m very happy you’re in satsang.

Q:Yeah, me too.

A:I’m very happy you’re in satsang, [Laughs]

Q:There’s just so much suffering these past two days, sorry.

A:Yes, you remember when we spoke about this? Okay we can talk about this for a minute and then go back to what I was saying earlier. Remember I was saying while you were here that sometimes there can be so much suffering and we don’t want to go back into that state of suffering; and sometimes it feels like ‘I’ve found a lifeline in a concept’. You see? And if anyone comes to you and says ‘Let’s inquire into this concept together’ it will seem like an attack? We had this conversation while you were here, isn’t it?

Because the state of suffering is too much, we want to hang onto something. And I’m not saying leave anything actually; I’m just saying can we look together. [Chuckles] But even the invitation to look together starts seeming like an attack. You see? Because the state of suffering is scary. But no concept is the Truth. All concepts must be used to bring us to this openness, this neutrality, this nakedness.

So if we find ourself defending something, if we find ourself feeling attacked, then we must be open to inquiring ‘What is it that I’m holding onto?’ Without that, how can you be attacked? What part of you can be attacked?

Q:Oh, God. [Silence] Nothing can be attacked unless I’m holding onto some sort of sense that ‘I am this person’.

A:Yes, or even the idea that ‘I Am nothing’…, if it is being held onto then it will seem like it is being attacked.

Q: Yeah.

A:Like you were saying ‘You’re trying to make something out of me again’. [Laughs] You really feel I would do something like that? [Smiles]

Q: It’s the mind, I’m sorry. But then the thought comes that…,

A:Then we see that the ‘something’ which is trying to be made is only when we are holding onto any concept, including the concept that ‘I am nothing’. So, what is fighting back is saying ‘You’re trying to make something out of me actually’. The one that is pretending to be this nothing/something is the one that we’re inquiring into.

Q:[Sighs] But it’s still, it will still drop when it drops. There’s all of this drama that has just gone on between this conversation, that ‘All had to happen’…, that all just had to happen like that. There’s no other way for it to play out.

A:Yes, yes, yes, this is true; that all of this in the play has to happen as the way it is meant to happen.

Q:And there’s huge relief in that. But also the thought that’s there’s nothing that I can do and if it drops it’s going to drop, and if it doesn’t…,

A:Yes but this is very good, this is very good. So this ‘I’ that sneaked into this? This is which one?

Q: It’s a thought that’s believed, because of the seeing that happened.

A: Yes. So the inquiry is an invitation to check on ‘Who is this ‘I?’ You see?

The difference between traditional Advaita and Neo-Advaita is that this sense of ‘I’ that says ‘There is nothing I can do about it’. This, in traditional Advaita, is constantly inquired into: ‘Who is this I?’

There is openness to this inquiry, to see that there is nobody here who is suffering, nobody here who is the doer. We say ‘Who is this?’ or we would not hear the belief say ‘There is nothing I can do’ because this one doesn’t exist. ‘There’s nothing I can do’ would mean that I am powerless against this, isn’t it?

Q:Yeah, I feel completely powerless, like completely out of control. And not in a bad way but just completely out of control, like I cannot control what is coming out of my mouth, I can’t control the way I just reacted to you (which I’m really sorry about).

A:It’s completely fine, my dear. I’m so happy that you come and do it; it’s very important. Like I’ve been saying this; it’s very important when you’re feeling like this to keep coming. That’s why I say that in these moments I just hope there’s enough love and devotion here so we can be open to continue to communicate. Because in this moment it will seem like everything I’m saying is an attack, without the openness to check ‘Well, what is it that can be attacked?’

‘How is it that the one who is pointing me to this no-thing-ness would now be trying to make something out of me?’ This is what the mind will tell you.

Q:Because maybe God wants to carry on playing.

A:Yes, but who are you in this picture?

Q:The one pretending to be Ziya.

A:‘I’m nothing, I don’t exist, there is nobody here’. But there was a sense which was saying that ‘I’m just a powerless. I’m nobody in this picture, so I’ll just leave it for God to do what he wants with this life’.

It’s not like that; the discovery must be that ‘I am this nothingness and my dynamic aspect which is called God is playing this life’. But it’s not this powerlessness, this [can be the] starting point of satsang but cannot be the discovery in satsang. [Silence]

Q:I can just feel like huge suffering in the body now.

A:Yes, so don’t run from that.

Q:Yes, but I’ve done all this, Father. I’ve sat through hours of like…,

A:Don’t refer to the past, don’t refer to the past.

Q:It’s just seen that all of this transcendence doesn’t actually lead to do anything, because you can transcend and transcend and transcend but then have a moment of clear seeing and realize that all of the transcending is all part of the play and it has all been written like that.

A:Yes, but if we are having to refer to the past moment of seeing that ‘I saw it was all part of the play and I’m just going rely on that and use that as a band aid for every time suffering is coming’, it is only going to cause more and more trouble. It will not be the freedom from suffering which it is promising to be Right Now.

If it is true, why isn’t it here Now?

Why do you have to refer to the past transcendence or that from this moment of insight? How does that moment of insight differ from this moment of insight?

Q:I don’t know. Because it’s been written like this. I’m meant to be feeling this now, I’m meant to be identified now, I’m meant to be that way, that’s the way. If God didn’t want to suffer, it wouldn’t! It’s so clear, it would just wake up, it would just wake up. It’s God, it doesn’t need to be reminded. I’m sorry, Father, but I just…, How can I see so clearly and then be so deluded? It must be only because God wants to be deluded.

A:Yes, everything is only because God wants it to be that way.

Q:But then I think ‘Why on earth would I want…?’

A:[Chuckles]

Q:Sorry, there’s a time lag and it sounds like I keep cutting you off, but there’s a time lag on the…,

A:So, is God open to looking at who ‘I’ is right now? Or no?

Q:There can be no one found when it’s looked for.

A:And who makes that discovery?

Q:I can’t say.

A:So this; that there is nobody found, is it your finding? Or no?

Q:I don’t know whose finding it is, Father.

A:Yes, but there is something that is finding this, isn’t it? You’re not just making a statement that there is nobody here.

Q: No.

A: There is a discovery of this, isn’t it?

Q: There’s just, like, an Awareness of the Presence inside this body.

A:Yes there’s an Awareness of this Presence. And the one that’s aware of this Awareness of Presence, is it different from the Awareness itself?

Q: No.

A:No. So, there’s Awareness and there’s Presence. Is there any other entity here?

Q:Is there any other what?

A:Huh?

Q:I didn’t hear you, is there any other?

A:Is there any entity or some object here which you can call ‘you’?

Q:Just sensations.

A:Yes, sensations are also part of your Presence, isn’t it? What do you see? Is there somebody here who can suffer?

Q:No, one here that can suffer. But the feelings that are associated with suffering are. But no one suffering them; there’s someone experiencing them, there’s something…, they’re being experienced.

A: Is there somebody here that can be attacked?

Q:No, but the reactions in the body…, no that’s just a memory, that’s just a memory. No. [Silence]

A:Is there a sense that…, some sense of this Presence, like too much suffering or something like that?

Q: No.

A:You’re aware of this? Or no?

Q:I just…, I don’t even know.

A:This is your direct living experience, isn’t it? It is not just some conceptual words you’re speaking then?

Q:Even then there was this Awareness of this contraction of energy which moved in the shape of the body, and had the sensation of suffering, but even that was witnessed; that was seen to be coming back into this kind of pretend personal shape. And there was an urge to go and identify with that energy, and to be the one that’s suffering, the one that’s looking like an idiot, but that, even that’s being…, all of that was being watched.

A:Yes, all of this is being watched. Now if the sensation is coming, even if attention goes to it, could you say that you can identify with it just with your attention?

Q: No.

A: You see? So identification cannot be cause just with our attention.

Now the mind will come and say ‘Yes, all of this is actually happening to you’. Now, what is God deciding to do now? Because God knows that it is not happening. It is Seen; that some sensations are happening but nothing is happening to the Awareness, and nothing is happening even to the Presence. And in that way, these thoughts are just allowed to come and go. [Silence] Now if I was to say there is no Awareness, what would you say?

Q: I would say there has to be some other word for this.

A:Yes, [Laughs] exactly. If I was to really say ‘There is no such thing as Awareness’ then? If I said that ‘There is no Awareness, it is just a functioning of your body/mind’ what would you say?

Q: I would say ‘Well, what is aware of the body/mind?’

A:Yes, [Laughs] yes, very good. And if I was to say ‘If Awareness itself does not exist?

Q:Then what would know it doesn’t exist? [Laughs]

A:Very good. And if I was to say ‘But you are not this Awareness’?

Q:What knows that it’s not the Awareness? Because you have to be aware that something is other, or seemingly-other.

A:And if I was to say ‘But you can actually separate yourself out from this Awareness’?

Q:No, everything arises in it.

A:And if I was to say that ‘This Awareness that you are can suffer’?

Q:It cannot suffer.

A:And if I was to say that ‘This Awareness has a past and a future’?

Q:It’s always Now.

A:Now if I was to say that ‘This Awareness has something to transcend’?

Q:It never had anything to transcend. It’s complete, it’s complete, it’s beyond complete, it doesn’t even know the meaning of complete. [Laughs]

A: [Smiles] Very good, very good.

A:And if I was to say ‘You’d better find your way back to Bangalore soon’…? [Laughs] Don’t go Advaita on me now.

Q: [Exhales. Smiles]

A:I’m so happy you came to satsang today. Very, very happy with this. Very, very happy about it. Very good, very good.

What Needs to Happen and What Are We Doing Here?

Q:I think the question, the question that keeps coming up again and again is about Awakening; your True Self and all the stories we’ve read of different Masters who’ve woken up; like the stories we read about. I remember reading about Chadwick. [A.W. Chadwick who was with Ramana Maharshi] You know? And then different people like Byron Katie.

A:What happened? What happened to Chadwick? He went to Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] and then?

Q:Yes. And then I think he’d asked something and then Bhagavan had told him ‘Who is the one who is asking this question?’ Then he was spellbound and I think he went back to his room for a few days. And then he was not thinking of anything at all and then suddenly he says that while he was having a bath in the bathtub, it struck him what Bhagavan had said and he awakened to his True Self.

A: Did he run around Arunachala shouting ‘Eureka, eureka?’ No. [Laughter]

Q:It seems that all these Masters and people who’ve woken up, like even Byron Katie or Eckhart, it seems that…

A: They were pretty sober no? Relatively, these two were. [Chuckles]

Q:So like, Mooji Baba and yourself and everybody else, they say ‘You’re already That’. Right? It still seems like there is something that has to unfold for you to be established in That. And then we see everything in you, everything from a fresh pair of eyes. So what is it that has to…? What is it that…? Because if you’re already in That, established in That so beautifully, is it just a shift of form? Is it something that has to happen? And you say ‘It’s not happening’. Right? But then you’re looking at it from a different pair of eyes all together; the world is beautiful and it’s happy. So is it the shift, like you say, from the mind to the heart, the journey? Those words from Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] or yourself have to land in the heart and then it just happens? [Laughs] I guess that was what I was thinking.

A:Okay. Okay. This is good. So what we can do is…, this is good. There are a few aspects to the question, isn’t it? One is that, we started with experiences and why different so-called Beings, seem to have different experiences of Awakening. So, let’s keep that question for the end; about the experiences. If you can forget about it, then forget about it. [Chuckles] The other question is more relevant.

What is it that needs to happen and what are we doing here, isn’t it? That’s more relevant. Between the Sage, (so to speak), and myself, how do I fill the gap, if there is any?

Okay, so let’s de-construct it. Actually it’s not easy to de-construct but let’s see if we can. So the first aspect is that the recognition of who you are should happen. You see? So this recognition of ‘Who am I in reality?’ needs to happen. So, when you check on this question ‘Who am I?’ to get to this recognition, then what is your discovery? What’s your discovery? It doesn’t have to be articulate, just whatever is coming up.

Q: Definitely it’s not to do with me at all as a person, okay? Not at all to do with…

A:So you see that ‘I cannot be a person’? Okay, then what else could you be? What else is here? We can name anything you want. So, it cannot be this world. It cannot be this body. It’s okay, tell me when it gets stuck in some way.

Q: Okay, sure.

A:It cannot be this body. Can you be your thoughts, coming and going? Can you be your emotions? Can you be some sensation in the body, some physical pain? No? Can you be the sense that ‘I Am, I exist?’ Can you be that? Is it clear what this means, the sense ‘I Am’?

Q: Yes, it’s the same.

A:That ‘I exist.’ So can you be that?

Q:Perhaps, yes. Seems like that.

A:Yes. And, the one that is aware of even this sense, who is that one?

So, we walked together this way. Now we saw: not world, not body, not thoughts, not emotion. I’m aware of even this sense that ‘I Am’. So this one that is aware, what can we say about that one?

Q: That’s the Awareness that you talk about. [Giggles]

A:So, better to forget what you’ve heard before. Now, just stay here, and see. So there is an awareness even of the sense that ‘I exist’. If this is not clear, we can look at it again.

Q: Yes. Absolutely, that’s clear, yes.

A:That’s clear? So this awareness…, what does this awareness look like?

Q:It’s just there.

A:And where are you in relation to this?

Q:Sometimes I’m looking from there…

A:Okay, where else? Possible?

Q:I suppose it’s possible to look…

A:Hmm? Can you step out of that, Awareness?

Q:No.

A:So, if you can’t step out of it, do you need to be in it, effort-fully?

Q:No.

A:Effortless-ly, where are you?

Q:From that watching itself, yes.

A:Can you ever move away from this? Can you ever become something else?

Q:Actually not. No, no.

A:You’re not visualizing anything, no?

Q:No.

A:Even if the mind is offering some visuals to you, See who is the witness of even that visual. So, when we say ‘Are you aware now?’ what is your answer?

Q: Yes, absolutely.

A:Yes. [Chuckles] What does this Awareness look like?

Q:It’s just That.

A:It’s just here. Any attribute you can see?

Q:It’s just looking. Right? That’s all I can say.

A:So this is the only confirmation that you can make, without the phenomenal experience of it, isn’t it? Everything else that you’re confirming, you’re referring to the phenomenal experience of it.

Q: Yes.

A:When you say ‘I’m aware now’ you’re not finding the phenomenal attribute of it and yet, you know it is true. Not mentally, but it is so clear prior to mind.

Q: Yes.

A: Yes? And you see that this cannot be changed. It’s un-moving, un-concerned, un-label-able.

So, like this when you come to Satsang, the first aspect is this recognition of what is True. And I feel using the pointers of the Masters has become very simple now. You see? [Chuckles] So this is the first aspect, when you say ‘What is the difference between myself and a Sage like Guruji?’ then first is that this recognition is very clear.

So, it’s very good that we are able to inquire together and look at this. It seems like ‘When I’m not in Satsang, it seems like a lot more distractions come; it doesn’t seem as clear as it is now’. That’s why it’s good to be in the energetic presence of satsang, to be able to check: ‘Yes, it is so clear’. So this is the recognition.

So, does the recognition itself mean liberation? Not necessarily. Because what happens is, although it is a very helpful aspect of liberation, it is not necessarily that which we call the completion of the liberation because we might still go back into belief.

Q: Absolutely.

A:…and believing that which I am not. You see? Because the recognition was what? I am this Awareness. It’s not changing, nothing is happening to it: it’s just here. But our mind is not reporting like this. Our mind is still trying to convince us that we are a person in some way; including trying to convince us that ‘I got it now’ or something like this. You see?

So, this mind has been given a lot of belief in the past. So, the difference between the Sages and the rest of humanity, is that 1. They have had a clear recognition of who they are and 2. They are not believing what the mind is saying about them.

Q: How to be established in that, always?

A:Actually, ‘established’ is how you start the moment.

Q:Oh, I see.

A:[Chuckles] This is a little contrary to our idea of ‘establishing’ or ‘abiding’. But I’m a bit radical in that way; and I’m happy to look at it together. You start NOW. Established, no? You’re abiding? So, the only seeming-choice now seems to be whether you pretend to be a person or

not. And the only way to pretend to be a person is to believe your thought. Is there any other way?

Q: So easy. [Giggles]

A:So, every moment is your best friend. Now: You’re established. You’re abiding in the Self. In fact, you never leave this position. We only pretend, if we believe our thoughts. So, the power of belief is the power to pretend. God’s power to pretend. So, you want to see God pretending to be a person? Believe your next thought. [Chuckles]

You see? So, then what happens? As we stay like this, not believing our thoughts, not picking up from the conveyor belt of thought, then you find the magnetism of these thoughts reduces. As the magnetism of these thoughts reduces, then you find that they are not so much attractive, even to our attention.

So, instead of trying to control our attention too much, what we have done is we have divested our belief. And with the divestment of belief, you find that attention is also not so attracted to these thoughts. So then you had a clear recognition of who you are, and also that all these thoughts are allowed to come and go. Then, even in your phenomenal expression, there is no difference between you and a Sage.

Fundamentally, there was never any difference anyway. Isn’t it? In reality, we are That. That is what all the Sages are saying. But even in the phenomenal expression, when we’re not attracted to the gravitational pull of these thoughts, to the magnetic pull of these thoughts, then your worldly expression also becomes that of a Sage.

That’s about it. [Chuckles] I’m so happy you came.

Q:Very happy. I love Papaji also. I couldn’t believe it when I saw that you were in Bangalore. Right here! I had to come. In all these books, they make it sound so esoteric.

A:So, what has happened is that you are moving from the realm of interpretations. So, we have been interpreting them differently, and now we come to the realm of just the pure Seeing of it. So as you See that ‘Oh yes, of course. He’s just saying what is being Seen here’.

So, the words of the expression are very beautiful, but that which is experienced directly is just the same. So now in the same way, when you read Ashtavakra Gita or the Ribhu Gita, you can say that ‘This is just so fundamental’. [Chuckles] That which seemed so esoteric and maybe even mystical earlier, now seems just like kindergarten.

Q: I’ll just do away with it now.

A: Yes. Don’t come to any conclusion.

Relationships, Responsibility and Non-Doership

Q:Sri Mooji told my wife that she is a pure spirit. Okay. And there is no doubt that in all aspects, she is my guru, my very first guru. Okay. And I have given her a lot of suffering because of my nature, you know, very aggressive and all that stuff. And she has put up with me for many, many years like this.

Now, what she says is that, first of all, I have a habit of getting stuck in something or the other, and she says that I have found spirituality, basically. You know, the whole day I am just saying self, self; and it is a kind of the obsession for me. Now the obsession is kind of a mental disorder for me also, right since childhood. I get stuck. Like you know, what they say an OCD kind of a thing, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. She says that ‘You have caused me a lot of suffering’ and that is true also.

And now what is happening that there is no suffering for me, as such. I don’t suffer, I cause suffering to others. It’s a very practical aspect. So, I have always caused suffering; not because I intended any harm or hurt to anybody. And I always told her that there is no intention here, it just happens. She says that it is a very convenient excuse.

And now what is happening, for 20 days, I have not gone outside my apartment. I am just sitting on the couch and the anxiety is still less. But still, even like if it is all God’s play, (and myself and my wife, we both understand it and we sense it), still in the role of the person, how do I know if I am playing it well or not? How do I know if it is my excuse as a person to flee from my role?

I can’t just escape saying that, ‘No, no, no’. It is very easy for me to disregard ‘I Am’…, and I know it is coming from the personality itself. I can’t negate my existence, because this I Am-ness and this real. But it is too turbulent, and the personality doesn’t want to get into this.

Then there is another fear that I have to face it and transcend it. So, the best thing is that you discard the ‘I Am’…, remain ‘I Am’ as the witness. If I remain I as a witness, then I can’t engross in the’ I Am-ness’ activity. Either I can be a witness or I can be there in the activity. I can’t be both at the same time; because I can either have the attention on the ‘I’ or in the activities of the ‘I Am-ness’. Why this is happening is because my personality is still there, otherwise I don’t have to make any efforts. It will be a simple unfolding of the life in the ‘I Am- ness’ and then simply watching. But I’m still there as the personality.

A:Very good. Two parts to this question. So let’s look at the second part first. See, because there is an understanding here that the way that the personality plays out, (which is manifesting as Anil), adding any sort of fodder to this personality, it will try to make a jumbled up, anxious mess out of it. That is why I have been consistent in my advice to you, which is that this ‘I’ which is trying to figure out what to do or not to do, you surrender at the feet of my Master, at the feet of Guruji. You see?

Because I know that there, with this, it can’t fool around; with this instruction it can’t really fool around. There is too much reverence for Guruji here for this personality also to try to mess that up, mix it up in various things, try to put some other concepts to it or anything. You see? So there is nothing missing in this instruction; there is nothing lacking in this instruction. All that you have to do is to surrender yourself at the feet of my Master. It is completely clear and completely enough to do.

This one is for as the second one: So, if I tell you who is the witness and who is aware of ‘I Am’ and what is ‘I Am’ again, it will mix up something. It will bring itself back into the fore somehow, you see. So we don’t want to do that. And there might be an impulse that ‘Oh, I want to do that’…, but keep that aside. I know that the best pointing for you is this simple surrender; which your mind will hate actually ultimately but your heart recognizes that it is the best. So, this is as far as the second part of the question was concerned.

The first part, actually when you were speaking, was reminding me of my own married life. [Laughs] This is very good. And I remember that before I met Guruji, (and maybe even for some time after I met Guruji), it was like this. She would come to me with some work-related problem or family-related problem and I would start telling her ‘But who is the one facing a problem?’ [Laughs] And she would want to throw the plate at me. ‘I am talking to you about something else, and you are talking about something else’. You will feel like that. And the fact is that ‘Who is being the jerk here?’ I was. Who is being the spiritual jerk? Me. Because it was not coming from a place of wanting to be helpful…, (maybe there was some of that mixed in but), actually it was trying to show her that what she is doing is wrong, what she is thinking is wrong. You see? So, it was coming from the specialness. It was coming from a space of carrying a sword to cut her head off. Instead of this knowledge being an umbrella to shelter us from the rain.

So, this knowledge for our close ones, our loved ones, actually should serve as an umbrella, not as a sword. It should help them, it should bring more love and light into our lives. So, this understanding I didn’t have [Laughs] ‘til two things happened. One is that Adyashanti, talking about this said that ‘You could be saying the truth, every word coming out of your mouth could be true, but you could still be a jerk’. And Ziya was saying earlier about Advaita jerk, same. You could be speaking the truth, but if the words don’t carry the fragrance of love, if they don’t carry the fragrance of kindness, then we are still being jerks. The spiritual jerk is the worst form of jerk, I feel. And I have been there for many years, so I can recognize it.

So, first was when Adya, (I don’t know what came first, but I remember reading this from Adyashanti), and second was when I went to Ramesh and I said ‘This is so nice, I come here to you and this is so good. But what about my wife, my family? She is just not interested in the question ‘Who am I?’

He said something that I really imbibe; I just took on my heart. He said ‘You wait for her to come to you. Because the more you push her into it, the more she will want to push it away’. So

from that day I don’t feel I really asked her this question ‘Who am I?’[Laughs] Except when she is here in satsang, which itself is rare, [Laughs] I don’t feel I really ask her ‘Who are you?’

So, I know that grace is taking care of it. And when she is done with the play, when she is open to this urge of self-recognition, she will ask. And anyway, what I have seen is that the way her expression is playing is much more devotional. Her love for Guruji [Mooji] is unmatched. That is enough. Why do I need to force my ways on her?

Also something happened just a year ago actually which was also an eye opener for me, where she said that, (we started talking and as most married couples do very quickly we got into a squabble about something), [she said] ‘If I was someone who had come to your satsang, you would not be reacting like this’. And I looked at that. She said this before and for the first time that actually it took home. Because we have known each other twenty-two years; we’ve had more time together than not with each other in our lives. So it has become our habit to relate to each other as partners. So I saw, even now, (only about a year ago I saw), that what she is saying is absolutely true. Why am I not able to look at her fresh? Why is it that I carry conditioning about this relationship? So this was very eye-opening here.

And I feel and maybe we should check with her rather than taking my testimony. But ever since this recognition came, the feeling here is to see her in that moment as if it is fresh. You see? And I feel that greatly in our phenomenal play of the relationship also you find much more space; much more love is here. You see, so little bit of course there is always something or the other going on. That is the masala of a marriage, but there is a lot more space, a lot more love and peace in our marriage now…, when we come to this recognition.

So, there are two, three things have helped in terms of the marriage. The good advice is not to try and ‘Advaita it’ too much. You will find it funny coming from me. [Smiles]

Q:It is fine, Father. The only thing is the topic about spirituality and finding the true nature is one thing. But actually, before that even, if the person doesn’t exist, it has to be a ‘good responsible person’. If I am here in the world, I am supposed to be a good, responsible person; undertaking all my responsibilities, even if I have this false belief. And then the transcendence comes. I am not even a good person. And then to say that ‘No, no, no, as a person I don’t exist, I don’t care about it’…, look, that is all in the realm of the maya or leela’. I can’t say I have any kind of belief in this; but the thing is, all is one and that is experienced also. It is not that it is a concept for me. It is seen that ‘If I am not a person then nobody is a person’. It is all one energy, one grace which is speaking actually. It is just a thought you know that ‘I am a person’ otherwise it is the same power.

So, when it is realized also, whatever role I am playing, I should be playing well! Now, the thing is that another thought comes, which is ‘Look, you have to ignore this thought that you should be playing the right kind of a role’. Which one to believe? Which one to believe?

In my path, in my transcendence path, this will always come. ‘No, no, no, you see, you should be a good person, you should be responsible, you should be this, this, this’. Wife is saying, you know, it is so convenient not to get trapped into this; if at all, it is a trap in the play. I have to transcend the play. I have to actually. It is very painful that others get hurt and they suffer. But I have to transcend this because this is a simple concept. This is a simple concept.

But then another thought comes that ‘If you are, and others are same, then you cannot make them suffer’. No? Either they realize that they are also God and they are playing out…, but if they don’t realize that they are God and they are playing out, then it doesn’t make any sense.

A:Okay, so, this is what I am saying, that this one…, you know, even our wives will agree that: The best husband to have is a surrendered husband.

[Laughs] So, I will give you a guarantee that as you are surrendered at the feet of Guruji, you will also transform into a very loving husband, a very spacious husband to have. You don’t take on the project yourself, that’s all I am saying.

Q: Right, Father. Thank you so much.

Qualitative Difference Only, Between Consciousness and Awareness

Q:If we enjoy something like food or a treat, who enjoys it? Is it the consciousness, ego, other, or…?

A:Or? [Chuckles]

Q:Or the Highest?

A:This is good. At least she made this a multiple choice question. [Laughter] Because usually what I say, (maybe she heard this), is when a question like that comes, I say ‘So, what are the options?’ [Laughter]

So, what are the options? (Laughter) Consciousness, ego, Absolute Awareness or the Self. Okay so, the ego is what? Let’s go step by step.

Q: The separate self.

A:The separate self. Does it really exist or is it just a belief?

Q:It’s a belief.

A:So it’s a belief. So if I had a belief that I’m from Mars, can I taste something? That one which came from Mars, can it taste something?

It’s just a belief. You see? So, belief has no existence in this realm of appearances; in this realm of atoms and molecules, seemingly. It has no existence even here. It is not even a clear imagination.

So, obviously it cannot be the separate idea that we have about ourselves that ‘The separation happened and I exist separately’. It’s just an idea. You see?

You’ve seen that, so it cannot be that. So then the next was, Consciousness? What is that?

Q: It’s Awareness. [Inaudible]

A:If Consciousness is Awareness, then why do we have one more word called Consciousness? [Chuckles]

It is true, what you say and yet we use the term Consciousness. Isn’t it? What does it imply?

It implies simply that there is an apparent difference between the sleep state and the waking state. You see? There’s an apparent difference between the sleep state and the waking state.

There is awareness of sleep. And yet the waking state seems to be different; is experienced differently. Because, out of this hand comes the appearance of this finger. You see?

It’s still the hand. It’s still awareness. But the dynamic aspect arises as if it is this Consciousness. That I am; the sense that ‘I Am’ appears.

Is there any experience that you have had, without you first experiencing that You Are, in this way? Is there any experience which is experienced without this…, outside of this sense of Presence?

No. And that is why it is said that, the prayer of surrender is the prayer which says ‘Tvam karta, Tvam bhogta’ [which means] ‘You are the doer and You are the experiencer.” But what is the Tvam? You, in this case.

It is the same Consciousness, the ‘I Am’.

Q: Yeah.

A:You see? So this Consciousness is not separate from Awareness, and yet is experienced differently. There is a seeming qualitative difference.

Just like there’s a difference between this fist and this finger out there; although, it’s still the same hand.

So, although it is made up of Awareness, it is playing dynamically as if it is Consciousness.

Now, everything you say yourself is a function of this light of Consciousness. Therefore, the experiencer and the doer, the projector and the screen, are the same…, which is this Consciousness. See?

So, who enjoys? Must be This, isn’t it? [Chuckles] Which is ultimately Consciousness. And yet, we are not to be very quick to come to the denial of Consciousness. Because it is our experience that the waking state arises. ‘I seem to participate in this waking state’.

Awareness is the unmoving, unchanging witness which is aware of this phenomenal tasting, phenomenal perceiving, phenomenal witnessing (you can call it). Awareness remains untouched.

Therefore, whether it is waking state, dream state, sleep state or any meditative states, it is not in any way affecting the Self, the Absolute.

And yet, there is the birth of this; there is the appearance of this dynamic aspect called Consciousness and all of this play, including the play of delusion and freedom which happens only in the light of this Consciousness. Isn’t it?

In sleep state, does somebody want freedom? No. You see? When you’re sleeping, can you have a taste of something? Can you have an experience phenomenally?

And yet, there is this ability to say that there is something called sleep state. Where does that come from? Who knows that there is something called sleep?

Why isn’t it that we say that ‘I’m going to dream, good night’? [Chuckles] If the only experience was that of the dream state, then we would say ‘I’m going to dream’. And we would say that ‘I had a dream and then I’m back here now’.

We would not say ‘I went to sleep and then I had a dream; then I went to sleep again and then I woke up’.

If there was no awareness of something called sleep, we would not be able to report on the existence of something called sleep. You see? So, that is the unchanging one.

This is impossible for the mind to fathom. [Chuckles] Because, the mind will be resisting even now, saying ‘But, but, but, there is nothing in sleep. I have not experienced sleep. I have never experienced sleep. I just had a time-lapse’. [Chuckles]

But it’s not true. You see? You don’t suddenly say ‘Oh it was dark and suddenly it’s light’.

If you didn’t know that there was something called sleep, it would just appear as if it there was a time-lapse. Suddenly, from dark it went to light. It’s a strange aspect of this realm. [Chuckles] You would not say ‘I went to sleep’.’

What would be even stranger is for us to say suddenly ‘I am here, and suddenly I’m in some other realm and there are other people’. You see? You would not say ‘It’s a dream’. You need the transition to sleep to be able to confirm that something is a dream. You see?

‘It’s just that suddenly I am sitting here and there is some tiredness in the body and suddenly there were other beings around me; [Chuckles] and suddenly that dissolved and this was here again’. That is not our experience.

Anyway, why are we talking about sleep? [Laughter] Ah, got it. [Chuckles] To clarify that:

Although Consciousness and Awareness are one, yet qualitatively, they play differently. Just like the finger seems qualitatively different from the arm…, the hand. Ultimately, it is one.

No Separation Ever Happened

Q:So this sense of ‘I’ is very deceptive Father. In deep sleep I am present but ‘I’ has no quality at that time. Or…, because I have spent my entire life defining ‘I’ as this waking state sense…, this ‘I’…, or rather ‘I am’…

A: Yes.

Q:In deep sleep I am there. ‘I’ ‘I’. The only reason why I don’t know that nothing is happening, (or when I say that nothing is happening), is because there’s no appearance at that time.

A: Yes.

Q:So the real ‘I’ has no…, there’s no quality to it.

A:Yes, yes.

Q:It’s understood on one level.

A:Yes.

Q:and yet…

A:So the understanding…, throw it away!

Q:Yes, okay.

A:Okay, because that understanding is not serving a purpose.

Q:Yes, okay, yes.

A:The point is not to make spiritual…

Q:Yes…

A:…diagrams.

Q:Yes…, yes.

A:[Laughing] Right now when I ask you ‘Are you aware now?’…, what is your experience?

Q:Yes.

A:Why do you say ‘Yes’? No, let’s look.

Q:I…, okay.

A:It’s good.

Q:Yes.

A:The mind very quickly comes. [Playfully mimicking someone shrugging their shoulders like they’re saying ‘I don’t know’.]

Why do we say ‘Yes’ and not ‘No’?

[Silence] Why does it seem silly to say ‘No’ to this question ‘Am I aware now?’

Q:Because there is awareness…, there is awareness of…

A:There is awareness.

Q:Yeah.

A:And yet you don’t see it, do you?

Q:No. I cannot perceive, I cannot…, yeah, I cannot see it.

A:You cannot see it…

Q:Yes.

A:…phenomenally.

Q:Yes.

A:You see? Then for anything else, are you able to speak these words?

Q:Can you explain it?

A:That, for example, I say ‘Is there a table?’

Q:Yes, yes, yes.

A:You see the table and say ‘Yes’. If you don’t see it you would say ‘There is no table’.

Q: Right.

A:But for awareness, why is it that you say ‘Yes’ and yet you don’t see it? [Silence] Even the mind cannot argue with this.

Q: I don’t want to give a mental…, yeah…

A:Because it’s fairly logical to say that ‘I’m confirming the existence of something’. I confirm the presence of it phenomenally; the hand, the table, the computer. But when I ask you this question ‘Are you aware now?’ you say ‘Yes’ and you say ‘Awareness is here’. Undeniably, isn’t it?

Q: Mmm.

A:So this awareness, who is aware that awareness is here?

Q:I am.

A:You are.

Q:I am.

A:As what? Are you-as-a-phenomenal-object aware of the existence of awareness? [Silence]

Q:No.

A:No. And yet you are aware. ‘I am aware’. ‘I’ which is aware is awareness itself.

Therefore you are not a thing. You are not a phenomenon. Although all phenomena are also a part of you; they arise within you (but let’s keep that aside for some time). This ‘I’ that is aware, what are its qualities?

Q:I can’t even call it ‘I’ in a sense.

A:Yes.

Q:Because the ‘I’ comes after…

A:And yet you cannot even deny that it is you…

Q:It is me…

A:Because it is not second hand that you are aware.

Q: Yes.

A:You’re not referring to Gopala or to Azhar and say ‘Am I aware’.

Q:No. But there’s only…, there’s only me here to be aware…

A:Yes. The problem is that the ‘I’ has been misused for so long that when we’re coming to the real use of it, it seems a bit strange.

Q:So, what is confusing Father is that in deep sleep there is no ‘I’, there’s no…, this ‘I’ is very different from….

A:Yes, but who is there to say that ‘There is no ‘I’? Isn’t this your own direct experience that there was no ‘I’?

Q: In deep sleep? Yes. Yes.

A:So, there is whose…? Your experience…?

Q:Yes, yes.

A:So you were there.

Q:Yes.

A:But when you say ‘no I’ that means….

Q:No quality…

A:…no ‘I Am’.

Q:I am, yes. Yes.

A:The sense that ‘I exist’ also was not present. Forget about the sense that ‘I am a person, I am a body, I have these family members, I have these likes and dislikes’. All of that is not there…

Q: Right.

A:You see? Now we’ve gotten used to using the ‘I’ in this way, which is the ‘I’ that follows ‘I am-this or I am-that’. But when only this ‘I’ remains you say ‘But that is not an ‘I’ at all’.

Q: Yes.

A: Then who is it?

Q:Because it…, it’s nothing.

A:It’s nothing, yes.

Q:Nothing, right?

A:This is the ‘I’ that I’m introducing you to. [Smiling]

Recognize your own nothingness; no-thingness. I’m a bit wary of using the word nothing now, you see, because the mind very quickly takes it on as a negative nothing. So, recognize your own emptiness; your own no-thingness.

When Bhagavan said ‘I’ removes the ‘I’ and remains the ‘I’, this is what it means. This ‘I’ that remains is un-label-able, you see.

Q:Yes, but it’s…, we’re so used to saying ‘I woke up’ and I believe it every morning that I am waking up and I am going to sleep, whereas it’s only the Beingness or it’s only the…, All we are doing is seeing the appearance.

A: Yes, yes. Okay, so…

Q: But there’s so much conditioning though that.

A:Take a simple example. There’s a piece of paper in front of us. Once in a day it changes color. It goes from white to black and then back to white. Now that this change of state happened; to report that it happened, there must have been a witness of it. Otherwise it is impossible to report.

Q: Right.

A:So if there was no witness which was present throughout the changing of state then we could not say that there was sleep and there was waking. ‘I woke up at 7.30am’. You cannot say, unless there was a constant witnessing of the change of state

Q:Right. But it is so ‘not there’ that you don’t give it…,

A:The ‘no- thing’ nothing.

Q:…you don’t give it any…, the mind is so conditioned; there’s just so much belief in that. ‘Okay, I wake up, I go to work. I do this and then I go to bed’.

A:That’s why, you’ve used the ‘I’…

Q:Wrongly…, yes.

A:…as if it is figment of our…

Q:It’s your problem, Father.

A:[Laughing] Suddenly…, suddenly he went from inquiry, deep inquiry state, to surrender! [Laughter]

Q:Nothing…

A:When Bhagavan said ‘Do either the inquiry or surrender’ [Laughing] and somebody said ‘Why can’t I do both?’ This is a good question on the face of it, but when you look at it really, what happens is that once you inquire, if you really inquire, there is nobody left to surrender.

Q: Yes.

A:You see? Once you really surrender, there is nobody left to inquire.

Q:Nobody left to inquire, yes.

A:That’s why Bhagavan said ‘Do either the inquiry or the surrender’.

Q:It’s still your problem, Father! [Laughing]

A:[Laughing] Only this is my problem? Then you cannot keep a problem for yourself.

Q:No. It is…, every…, there is no this and other…., this is. It is always…

A:Ah! Don’t Advaita me!

Q:No, no. [Laughter] No, no, no…

A:So, is your entire existence now my problem?

Q:I would love to say that to you, that ‘Yes, my entire existence’…, but I’m still…, there is still some identity that is…

A: That’s what I’m saying.

Q:I would love to be, you know.

A:So, 50% surrender will not work.

Q:Yes, yes. Yes.

A:So, either you say that ‘My entire existence is your problem’ [or] if we don’t say that then we must do the inquiry. [Laughing] You see? [Laughing] Surrender cannot be just the escape from the inquiry! [Laughing]

Q:No! I love the inquiry. But at times you can’t inquire anymore, you know? You just want to…

A:Yes, yes.

Q:Okay? And also you see the inquiry happening in a sense. You, you, you…, but the intensity of the inquiry…, you start believing the inquiry.

A: Yes.

Q: But also there’s seeker, Father.

A:Yes. So, firstly we can inquire into what it is that is not yet my problem?

Q:I think this attachment to this ‘I Am’, Father.

A:Attachment to the ‘I Am’ itself?

Q:Yes.

A:But I am that I am.

Q:Okay. [Laughing] But there is this attachment to…

A:As we’re speaking in Satsang, I’m not presenting Ananta, you see. Ananta is just an instrument.

Q: Yes, yes.

A:This one…the voice which is speaking is representing this ‘I Am’ itself.

Q:Right.

A:So you’re not surrendering to this bucket of flesh and blood which is sitting on this chair…

Q: Right.

A:You see? You’re surrendering to your own holy Presence, which is that ‘I Am’. Now, you say the addiction is to what?

Q:Sorry, I don’t…, that actually was…, wrongly put. Addiction is to the ego, the ‘I’, the ‘me’. You know? There is an addiction to that which I have called ‘me’ for so long.

A: Yes.

Q:You know, in a sense, right? So, whether it is anything, right? So, I think if you ask me ‘Is there complete surrender?’ No, there is…

A:Yes, yes. So, that which causes you suffering is the identity which still remains.

Q:Right.

A:You see? And we’ve been through this often; that usually we are in this belief that we have very complicated lives, but if we deconstruct our lives, it’s basically about four or five things.

Q: Yes.

A:Mainly these four things, you see. One: relationships; special relationship. Two: security/money/work. Three: the health or lack thereof of the body and Four: this sense of finding some meaning or freedom itself in this life. Which one is juicy? It doesn’t have to be only one.

Q:Honestly, I see a bit of all Father.

A:Bit of all.

Q:I mean there is…, there is relationship identities, there is money…

A:Okay, so one by one, as we go through these, who here, (when you check; when you do an internal audit), who can have a relationship? Can the body have a relationship?

Q: No.

A:Is the body interested in what your relationships are doing right now?

Q:No.

A: So, who is that one that has an attachment?

Q:Just the belief. Just the believed identity. Just the false.

A:Yes, but is the belief an entity?

Q:No. There is no entity in that sense, yes.

A:So, whose relationships are they? [Silence]

You see?

So, in this way we use the inquiry to come to the recognition that there is no separate entity. No separation ever happened. And we come to the recognition of the Self as this Awareness Itself.

Who is Aware of this Experience if There is No Experiencer?

Q:First I want to sort of convey the understanding I currently have about Advaita and then phrase my question. So I feel that Advaita is something that can be understood in the limitations of knowledge, language; allowing for I, me, you, me; all these pronouns…, understood also in the sense that you start off with the belief that ‘I am this and I cannot be this, I should not be this, this should not be there, I should not experience this’. And you just see that these experiences come and you’re still there, in the sense the witness is there, and what is witnessed is also part of the witness. So I felt that this can be understood in the sense that there is nothing that threatens the limited notion of ‘I’; even the threatening itself is part of the play. So this is what I understood.

But the question I want to ask is, there was nothing super-natural that I felt about this, that you go into a trance or that everything dissolves and none of that sort. But I’ve heard that there are actually people who are able to do super-natural things, miracles, and through touch or something put you in a trance. So you get the gist of what I’m saying. So, are there such people that you know of who are capable of…, you know?

A:Before we get into that, I felt that the earlier part of what you were saying was very interesting and we should look deeper into that. So, you talked about having a set of beliefs and set of understandings; and once you understand, there is just this one witness and everything being witnessed is also a part of the same witnessing itself. Now, is this your living experience?

Q:I mean, whenever I don’t feel it, it’s a thought that comes, it’s a hypothesis that you test it and more often than not, it’s turned out true.

A:Very good, very good. So when you check on this…, so forget, (if you can), all the previous discoveries and insights and let’s check now. When you check on who you are…, what do you find?

Q:It is happening now. I mean, there is no ‘I’, as in, (depends what you mean by ‘I’), as in there is all this now. It’s limitation of language again, what do I say? [Laughter] I am experiencing this. I can say, all of, everything; this conversation, the voices…, or I can also say the voice is there, this is there, that is there.

A:So, this ‘I’ that is experiencing this realm or anything that is happening here, what is it that could be said on this one?

Q: Hmm.

A:Ok, let me drill down even further for you, because another popular notion these days is that ‘All there is, is what is happening phenomenally’. So is this your experience, that all there is here

is that phenomenality? Or do you also find the Presence or something which is prior to all these experiences?

Q: No.

A:You find that the only thing that is here is the sounds of the fan, the sound of this voice; that’s all that is here? There is no subject to these objects?

Q: No.

A: There is no experiencer of these?

Q: I mean, that is also a concept…, because these things come and go

A:Not using any concept, just when we’re checking now. You’re hearing this voice?

Q:Yes.

A:Is there an experiencer of this voice?

Q:No.

A:Is there a speaker of the word ‘no’?

Q:There is the sound ‘no’. But, I mean, it’s…, yeah.

A:The experience of the sound is there but there is no experiencer, you are saying?

Q:There is no…, there is no reason to believe that.

A:Don’t believe anything, just check. Best way to do the inquiry is not to go to any belief, just to check what is happening here. So these sounds are here, this mouth is making some sounds. Is there an experiencer of these sounds?

Q: No.

A:Is there one who knows there is no experiencer?

Q:Hmm.

A:You said ‘no’.

Q:Hmm.

A: So, who is that one which knows that there is no experiencer?

Q: Again, I don’t see why there should be somebody who knows there is no experiencer.

A:There are only two ways to report on something. First way is that we have a concept of something and we report from there. ‘I read the world is round that’s why I say the world is round’. The second is to say ‘This is what I see. I saw that the sun comes from the east so I report the sun comes from the east’.

So, when you are saying no, is that coming from the concept that there should not be [somebody who knows]? Or from a direct experience that there isn’t any?

Q: Hmm, how can I tell?

A:Just by checking like this. And I’m very happy that you’re at least open to this checking. So, when I’ve said ‘Let’s keep the concepts aside’ you actually have the intent to do that; which in itself is very beautiful for me. So, as this openness is there, then the recognition, the checking about who we are, the inquiry (as Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said) ‘Who am I?’ will become easier and easier, and clearer and clearer.

So, already you say that ‘There is no experiencer. There is just these sounds or the experience of these sounds. There is no experiencer’. Then my next question was ‘Who is aware of this fact?’ Either it’s a fact or it’s a notion.

Q:It’s an experience that there is no experiencer.

A:Exactly. So, who is aware of this experience?

Q:No one. I mean, the experience is there but I can’t find an experiencer. And this is also an experience, the not finding of an experiencer.

A:Yes, yes. Now, in all of this, you say that this is an experience and yet you cannot find an experiencer. What does that mean? You cannot find the phenomenal existence of such an experiencer.

Q: Yeah.

A:And yet that there is awareness of this, that you are aware of this, cannot be denied, isn’t it?

Q:Sorry?

A:Either you are aware of it directly or you’re making it up. And you’re not making it up, therefore you must be aware of it. Is there a third option?

Q:I’m saying that there is an experience. So, now you’re asking whether I’m aware of that experience.

A: Yes. Otherwise, how would you report it?

Q:How would I know that I’m aware of that experience? I say the experience is there.

A:Yes, on what basis?

I’m saying, I’m offering to help you with this; to say that there are only two ways in which we can say something. One is that we learned it conceptually and therefore we can report it, like I said the world is round. Or it is our living experience, it’s our direct awareness of this fact. So, which one is it in this case? Or is there a third option you can tell me?

Q:I mean, the experience is there that there that I can’t find an experiencer.

A:Very good. And who is aware of this? That is the question.

Q:No one.

A:This is good. This is already very good. So when you say ‘no one’, it’s heard that there is no awareness of it. Or is it a bit fuzzy right now as to what is aware?

Q:The thing is I can offer hypotheses…

A:That is of no interest to most of us here.

Q:Exactly.

A:So, let’s keep that aside.

Q:So, I could say that, I mean….

A:[Laughter] What is happening Now?

Q:What is happening now is…

A:You said very beautifully that ‘I can sense the experience of something but this experiencer I cannot find’. Therefore just the simple question was ‘Who is aware of this experience but no experiencer’?

Q:I mean again, I feel this is also an experience that is being reported that there is no experiencer and…

A: Yes. And who is aware of it?

One thing is certain, is that it’s not [some other person] telling you this is being experienced. There is something more direct in this experience. So who is aware of this experience?

Does this question resonate for you? If this question resonates for you, it’s going to make all of this very simple. It’s going to make all of this very simple. Because mostly the prolongation of the seeming spiritual journey is for two reasons. One is that the inquiry itself does not resonate. And the second is that even after the recognition of who we are, we insist on believing that which we are not. So forget about the second one for now. At least the inquiry is resonating, yes? Kind of, sort of …? [Laughter].

Q: [Laughter] I mean, what I mean is that…

A:Ok, can you repeat the question that I’m asking?

Q:Who is aware of there not being an experiencer?

A:Very good.

Q:To which I’m saying again that this is an experience and I have no means of…, again I…, I mean…

A:Nobody here is going to Advaita police you [Laughter]. On Facebook there is a lot of ‘Advaita police’. You post a simple message, ‘I put my head at my master’s feet’ and somebody says ‘What master? What feet?’ You know? ‘We are all just One. None of this ever happened anyway’. [Chuckles] Nobody is going to do that here. You can say ‘I’. You can say whatever you want.

Q: So, who is to test that there is no experiencer?

A:There is no test. The question is ‘Who is aware that there is no experiencer?’ Because you said that ‘There is experience but no experiencer’. And I said that ‘Either this was learned or understood conceptually or it is our direct experience’. Which one is it?

Q: How do I tell the difference?

A:One: is it just coming as a concept? I even gave the example. Is the world round or flat? If the question was that, what would you say?

Q: Hmm. [Laughter]

A:Most of us would say round, why? Because we heard it from credible sources, we learned it from credible sources. That is conceptual knowing. Now if I say ‘What color shirt are you wearing?’ then you just check and you see it and report from there.

Now besides this conceptual knowing and the direct checking, is there a third way to report on something?

Q: [Silence]

A:This is very important for all of us, because many times even in spirituality, we are just reporting from second hand knowledge, from books or parroting our teachers. We must learn to now go with what is direct. Because if the truth is the truth then the truth must be Here. If the Self is the Self then the Self will not be found in the future; it must be recognized Now. This Self-realization, the realization of the Self, must be only in the now.

Q:I think it is sort of a concept but was a concept based on experiences from before, where I felt that ‘This is not allowed, this can’t be me’ and all that. And then I felt that ‘This is allowed’. And then gradually this ‘What I can’t be’ kept getting challenged gradually. Then after a point, it did become a concept. There is some assurance; and whenever that is challenged, again, it will be challenged.

A:So, just for a little while, (this will not last very long [Laughter], depends on your definition of long actually, but just for a little while), forget about all that happened in the past; all the reasons for why we come to certain conclusions and what the conclusions were, just keep them aside for some time. The question is very simple. You are hearing a sound of this voice. You say that ‘It is an experience but the experiencer I cannot find’. So this answer itself is music to my ears. So now the simple question after that was ‘Who is aware that there is an experience but there is no experiencer?’

Q: [Silence]

A:This requires a fresh way of looking because thinking about it will not help. The mind cannot go there, isn’t it? You see this already. So you must…, for this question we have to rely on what is directly experienced…, (although the word ‘experience’ is not the right one but you have to use some word). So, just like I asked him a question, I can ask you right now. It’s a simple question. If I ask a child ‘Are you aware now?’…, as long as the word ‘aware’ is understood by him, he’ll say yes.

Q: [Silence]

A:Where are we now? [Chuckles] Actually the [inaudible] this inquiry. Now mind will give you all kinds of resistance. It will say ‘But, but, where is this going? I’m not understanding anymore’. It can say anything, because it gets frustrated with this question.

Q: I mean, I’m not frustrated exactly; it’s just that I don’t have an answer.

A: [Laughter] You ring an alarm. If you are starting to get frustrated, I’ll stop [Laughter].

Q:No, no. It’s just that I can’t give an answer with confidence, any answer. I can’t say that ‘I’m sure there is no experiencer. There is someone aware there is no experiencer’. Nor can I say that there is…, what is the other thing? [Laughter] That ‘There is nobody experiencing that there is no experiencer’.

A:Yes, because this was your report; that there is no experiencer, there is just an experience. And on the basis of that I asked this question ‘So, who is aware of this?’ Now this question will seem very troublesome to the mind but actually it is very naturally to ask.

So, if there is openness, let that question marinate for some time and we can come back to it.

Where is Awareness Located?

A: So, are you aware now?

Q:Yes. Yes. That is all that is important.

A:What knows this?

Q:It is the Awareness Itself which is saying yes.

A:That’s it. That’s why I was saying ‘It’s simpler than that’. [From previous conversation] The same for the question, Bhagavan’s [Ramana Maharshi] pointing ‘Who am?’ If you ask a baby ‘Who am I?’ there’s no point. It’s like if you show somebody who cannot read a road sign.

Q: So, you’re talking about the Source of Awareness?

A:‘The Source’? I was saying? Okay. [Chuckles] What did I say? More about it, please. I want to hear.

Q:No, where is it’s location? Where is this…

A:Ah. Spatial location.

Q:…spatial location? Does that indicate that there is a Source from which Awareness Itself is arising?

A:So, we say that there is Awareness. So, the question is ‘So, where is Awareness?’ We say ‘There is Awareness’. So I’m saying ‘Where is Awareness?’

Q: Okay.

A: Is it to your left, right, up, down?

Q:It has actually nothing to do with this concept of space, yeah.

A:So, where is the space then?

Q:Once it is, then…, it’s like one of the things that is attributes appearing in…

A:Once it is what?

Q:This Awareness.

A: Is there ever no Awareness? Not in location; I know it’s sounding like that.

Q:No. In the waking state, space manifest as one of the attributes of that, (one can say). But Awareness is not dependent on space. Space is dependent on Awareness.

A:So, then, if …, (let me use something that I often say, so), space is like one of the grand- children of Awareness. There is this unchanging backdrop on which the super-imposition of the sense that ‘I exist. I Am.’ appears. With this appearance of this super-imposition come all of these energetic forces and movement; the force of attention, belief, gravity, light, sound, all of this, electro-magnetism, all chemical, biological forces come into play.

Q:But it is perceived that some spaces heighten the feeling of awareness.

A:Elaborate? Space…?

Q:In some spaces…, I’ve not contemplated it much but there are some times where you are in a state of heightened awareness.

A:Okay, let’s look at what it means. Heightened awareness only means that our attention is more stabilized at home. You see? It’s not fluttering about so much.

So, it is found that in the Presence of the un-associated Being, which is not attached to concepts and ideas about itself, then in this physical realm also it can seem like when the appearance of such a one is there, then our mind is more settled and our attention rests more at home.

About Likes and Dislikes

Q:I am aware, like I am Aware that the…, no connection with existence and everything.

A:Yes.

Q:But still, why is it that I have to still like…, (like, you know, in life, in materialistic life), I still have liking and dis-liking? And why some things happen I won’t like, I should connect it to the existence? Because maybe…, again belief is there; through existence it is coming to me. But then I should accept. But then I dislike or like…, all such things?

A:Without being Shweta; [Questioners name] Shweta, no? Without being Shweta, without existing as a person can you have a like or dislike?

Q:I understand what you’re saying but then somehow I have to come back to this body right? Somehow I have to be in this body to connect to this…,

A: Okay, now where are you?

Q:As in this Shweta, what you call?

A:[Laughter]

Q:If I have to say, I would say I am calling this body a Shweta, but my soul and my Consciousness and my Awareness is connected to the existence so…,

A: Okay so..,

Q: But it will have to come back to this body to get related; then why?

A:Yes. The first thing to know is that this body is quite innocent actually. It’s not the body. What is doing, it is just sitting over there innocently; poor thing. Isn’t it? So, is the body concerned with relationship?

Q: The body as such is not concerned.

A:The body is not concerned. Is the body concerned about how much money’s in the bank account?

Q: No, no, no body is not concerned.

A:Body is not concerned. So the body, as we have seen, is just simple, innocent. What we are looking for is this one who… [Inaudible] Ananta is a concept; that we like or we don’t like

Ananta is a concept we have about that, you see? So if it is not the body who can like or dislike the appearance of another body…? The body is not concerned.

Q: Right.

A:Who is that one who is concerned? And I’ll sweeten the deal for you. [Laughter] If you show me this one, you can win a thousand dollars. [Laughs]

Q: No, I agree there’s nobody..,

A:You agree, why? Because he has told you or…? [Laughs]

Q:No, like, if I see there’s no one actually…,

A:When you check, you find no one. Yes? Okay.

Q:So still why, why does this…?

A:Yes, this is good. Upon the recognition also, if we find that there is nobody here, then why is it that I still seem to operate in this way? That is the question, isn’t it?

Q: Accha. [Yes]

A:Now, what is it that is trying to convince you that there is a person here with likes and dislikes?

Q: That I don’t know.

A:That is only one, and it’s a voice. It’s the voice of the mind. Because every thought is reliant on the presumption that you are separate from the rest of this. No thought is speaking to you as if you were Consciousness. Even the thought which says ‘I am God’ is speaking from a tone of specialness that ‘Oh, I’ve attained God’ or something like this. And the same thought will tell you tomorrow that ‘You are worthless, you are useless’. So this one…, who is this one representing that says ‘Oh this one is nice’ or ‘This one is not so nice’ or ‘I want to be with him’ or ‘I want to be with her’? This voice we cannot not hear, isn’t it? The energy construct called thoughts; who are they representing?

Q: It’s not mine. I mean, they’re coming out of my mind.

A:We already said that this ‘me’ I cannot find. This body…, I found just atoms and molecules. So another form of energy is this thought which is saying ‘This is what you must do, eventually you have to go back in the real world, all this satsang stuff is fine, but what about the real world?’

It says these things, isn’t it? So, this one, who is the client? It is the lawyer saying ‘Objection, objection, objection’ to everything that is appearing; but who is the client?

Q: I think I am the one who is hearing this…, these thoughts so…,

A:So this ‘me’ is which one? The body…, we already saw that the mind will come and say ‘See now you’re spending too much money, your bank account will become less’. The body doesn’t know anything about money.

Q: Then how’s it happening?

A:[Chuckles] Ah. This is good. So, to see that this one, this voice without the client, is the first step. ‘I cannot find that one that I’m always representing’. You see? This is the leela. If this world of maya appears, the leela is the play in this world of maya; which will mean that I first have to presume myself to be this person, which I can’t find. I look and I look and I look. I can’t find this person.

Now what happens? We find that there are these two forces; one is the force of attention and the second is the force of belief. How does it work? A thought will come. The thought could say ‘I am really enjoying this satsang’…, (which is a rare thought). [Laughs] But suppose this was a thought, (I’m being nice to myself today). So, the thought comes ‘I’m really enjoying this satsang’. If your attention didn’t go to it then it would not even appear. It would just be [Hand sweeps in a chopping motion] gone; something just passed. But attention goes to it. ‘Real’. You see? This attention is going.

Don’t bring your attention to a pink colored elephant. Very quickly attention starts going to the visual elephant. Isn’t it? So this attention is a tricky force. The more you try to control it, the more it wants to run. If I say ‘Don’t think of an orange’ then quickly attention goes to an orange. Attention is like that.

But just because attention goes to it doesn’t mean you are identified as a person; the ego is not yet born, in a sense. You also need to give it your belief. So if the thought is saying ‘I am wearing an orange jacket today’ your attention went to it, but still you have not believed it. So, you also have the power of belief.

It is this power of belief which allows you to define yourself in some way. ‘I’m like this, I am an honest person, I am hard working, I’m straight forward’. These kind of things we define about ourselves because we have the power to believe it about ourselves.

Now the person that we are presuming our self to be is nothing but a bundle of these concepts. ‘I am this, I am this, I am this’. It is only our power of belief which allows us to append attributes, (and don’t worry at some point we will go over some of this), to append attributes to the pure Presence ‘I Am’ and make it ‘I am this’ or ‘I am that’.

As we find that, (we look for the one these thoughts are representing and we find that there’s nobody here), more and more our beliefs in these thoughts start to reduce. Then as you hear this, the thought will come and say ‘But what will happen to your life? It will become a mess. Who will do your work? Who will pay your bills?’ It comes like this, isn’t it?

Now, this is reliant on the presumption, this is dependent on the idea that ‘This one (who I cannot even find) has been running my life so far; instead of the simple seeing that the One that is moving the planets, that is beating this heart, that is pumping the blood, that is breathing this breath…, that One must be doing all of this anyway. ‘He can do all of this, he can move billions of planets but my bills he cannot pay’. (My Master says like this). This is the idea, but who is doing all of this? ‘No, no that’s mine’. [Laughs]

We looked, isn’t it? So as we’re coming more and more to the seeing of what we are, our reliance on this non-existent ego is dropping. Our belief in this is dropping.

So, to come to the end of suffering is this simple pointing: ‘Don’t believe your next thought’. You cannot suffer unless you believe a thought. You cannot even report something that is happening to you unless you buy a thought about it.

So belief has been invested a lot in our favorite, more juicy attributes, you see? If we’ve been very focused on our relationship; then when a relationship thought comes then that will still get our belief. If I say that ‘You are terrible at ice skating’. (These old examples are coming back because you guys are here in satsang). So, if I say ‘You’re terrible at ice skating’ does it hurt you? It doesn’t hurt you. But if I say ‘You’re a terrible wife’. ‘Ouch!’ Okay, okay. [Laughs] If I say you’re a terrible [Inaudible]…, something will get you. Why not terrible ice skating? Because there is no identity invested with that. Now if you’d invested your identity in being an Olympic level ice skater and somebody came and told you that ‘You’re a terrible ice skater’ then it would hurt. So it is that which we’ve believed so much in the past, that which we have attachment to, the concepts; when those are encountered, then it will seem like something is hurt. But we ourself said ‘I don’t find the person’. So, who is the mother? Who is the mother? It’s just an idea that has been given belief and therefore it becomes a sense of identity around this concept.

Then, what is this that we call liberation? That is the root of the question, I feel. When I ask you this now, ‘Who are you?’…, I feel that very simply now you can come to the recognition of who you are.

So does that mean in the simple recognition I can say ‘All of you are liberated’? I can actually; [Chuckles] but in the appearance of this play there is also this sense that the appearance of those which we call the Sages are not believing what the thoughts are saying about themselves. It doesn’t change anything fundamentally about what you; because You Are That only. But in this worldly appearance of the play, different traits are being exhibited. And in the Sages the trait of laughing at every thought is being exhibited because it just becomes as if a comedian is sitting

inside the head. That which you were taking so seriously now starts sounding like a joke. The voice is just convincing you that you’re a person, isn’t it?

[Silence]

Where are we? What happened? Something happened. You can say it; I’ve heard everything. Was there a ‘but, but…’ or something?

Q:So when we are so much into, you know, getting connected…, I mean to the existence and everything…, why can’t we just stay there?

A:So the question is…, (in a different way, we ask this question often in satsang that)…, Bhagavan said ‘Abide in that’ or ‘Stay as that’ for example. Now the flip side to it is that:

Can you leave that and show me? You cannot leave it.

So if you cannot leave it, then what effort can we make to connect to it?

Then, through the sense of abiding in it, or when it is pointed ‘Stay as the Self’ it only means, (in a very natural way), to stop pretending to be what you’re not. Because there is no ‘staying’. Awareness doesn’t have to stay as Awareness. It is just Awareness. I ask you ‘Can you stop being?’ You can’t stop being. Then are you making an effort to Be? No. So if Being is happening, then what is there to abide? It is just effortless. It is the…, I would like to say…, it is the dropping of the pretense; which is the abiding.

Q: So we need to find the pretense.

A:You don’t have to find. The mind will offer you pretense; every moment it will offer you something. As more and more you’re coming to the recognition of who you are, you will find that even this urge to believe the mind will reduce. Just like once you find that it is cholesterol which lead to the second heart attack for the body…, (I’m not making predictions. [Laughter] I’m just saying for example), then the plate of [Indian dish] on the conveyor-belt or on the buffet table will not seem that attractive.

The more we have come to the recognition of who we are, then when the mind is saying…’But he’s so mean to you’ or ‘He’s behaving like this with me’…, [You say]: ‘Who are you talking about?’ We don’t believe them, naturally. The sense in the belief in the false is dropping and the recognition of the True is arising. Then you will find that there is no effort needed to stay as the Truth. The Truth it is always staying. It is the power of pretending to be the false that is dropping.

If I Am Not I then Who Am I?

Q:I had a feeling that Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] had made our life a little more complicated. It is three simple but intricate questions; simple but intricate. ‘Who am I?’ If I question myself, I am not ‘I’. And there’s no question of my existence at all. If this is not there, the other two questions need not be addressed at all.

A: Yes, exactly.

Q:But can you complete those sentences? Because this has been pondering over my mind all the time.

A:Actually, the question ‘Who am I?’ takes precedence over everything else. So, what is it really that is being pointed to? So, when you say ‘I am not I’…, what does it mean? ‘I am not I’? Can you elaborate a little on that? What does it mean ‘I am not I’?

Q: I have no existence at all.

A: But these words are coming from where? These words are coming from somewhere.

Q:Yes. This is an interesting point, a primal point. I am not I. ‘What am I?’ means ‘Who am I?’ [Laughter]

A:No, what I was asking was, when you say ‘I am not I’ what does it imply? Which ‘I’ are you not? You mean you’re not the body? You are not the person, the ego? You are not God? Which ‘I’ are you referring to?

Q:I am not the body.

A:You are not the body.

Q:That is the final say. It may be different also.

A:Very good. So, just because you’re not the body, does it imply that you don’t exist? You exist only as the body?

Q: I think so.

A:But which body? Many bodies you experience.

Q:Human body.

A:Human, yes. [Chuckles] If you go to sleep tonight, you have a dream; in the dream also you have a body, no?

Q: Yes.

A:Body is there. It experiences pleasure and pain? Or no? It experiences all that is there; time, space, sensations of the body. All are experienced. So the one that is aware of this experience, of this so-called waking state, and the one that is aware of that experience which is so-called dream state, who is that one?

Bodies changed, isn’t it? But the witness of these two experiences, was it a different one? Or was it same?

The question is making sense? It’s appealing?

Q: Yes.

A:Who is the witness of the dream and the witness of the waking state?

Q:The man dreaming; then it is I who have that feeling.

A:Ah. So, this ‘I’ is not the body? Because body changed. You can have any other body in the dream, isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A:So, which is this ‘I’ which remains constant through the dropping and the picking up of even these bodies?

That is what the exploration is about. So, very good. You already say that ‘I cannot just be this body’. Now, some have had this as an insight and some know this just intuitively also, saying that ‘How can I just be made up of this food and liquid I’ve consumed? There must be something more than that’. There must be something here that is prior to the sense of this body; that which Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] called the ‘I-I’ and [Nisargadatta] Maharaj called the ‘I Am’. You see? It’s a beautiful contemplation to look at.

So, when I say ‘Can you stop being now?’…, what do you say?

So, this sense of ‘being’ is here, isn’t it? Sense of being is here? So, this sense of being, you are witnessing even this. Isn’t it? So, this witness…, what does this witness look like?

[Silence]

The mind cannot solve it. No knowledge can help here. It is only when we check for ourselves ‘Who is this that is aware even of being?’ So this is what Bhagavan is pointing to.

Now, some of us are inclined to this inquiry. Some are inclined to this inquiry. Some, you ask the question ‘Who am I?’ and they want to run from the room; [Laughs] which is also fine. You don’t have to come into any peer pressure to do the inquiry. If the inquiry makes you run, then find a place where you find some peace, some joy, some space, where you can just be happy naturally without any reason. If you find that in the Presence of one, you find this peace, this joy, this space; life doesn’t seem to have so many problems, you find yourself naturally smiling, like that…, if you find such a one, then hand over your existence to this one. You don’t have to inquire; don’t have to do anything at all. It can be that after being in the Presence of such a one, then automatically something starts opening up to the inquiry. We must not force the inquiry down somebody’s throat.

So, it is only when I find that just some simple mental blocks are getting in the way, then I’ll say ‘No, no. Let’s look now. Let’s look together’. But just come to a place where you find some peace, you find some space…, this simple test: if you find yourself naturally smiling around someone without any reason, then you can be there for some time and you’ll find that something will open up in you. If you find that all this questioning seems like ‘What’s the point? What is all this?’ …, then this will [instead] start to become very natural and simple.

Q:Thank you. You have used the word ‘peace’. It’s very simple, and very small also. But ‘Who obtains this peace?’ is not as simple as one thinks.

A:Yes. That’s what I’m saying, that it will not be anywhere that you go that naturally you find this peace. So, in the Presence of this one where you naturally find this peace, then you must not leave that one. [Chuckles] Because it’s rare, just like you were saying. The one in whose physical presence itself, you find yourself naturally at peace, naturally smiling, then you stick onto that like super-glue. Don’t leave that one. That one will make everything simple for you.

Q: Thank you, sir. Thank you.

Playfully Experiment With This, Then Tell Me How It Goes

Q: You just mentioned ‘Hand over your life’. Can you explain a little?

A:Now, to understand how I surrender or how I hand my life over, first I must see how I was seemingly taking control of it in the first place. Isn’t it? So that is what we’ll hand over. So how was it that I was seemingly in control of my life? It was only in this way that a thought would come and say ‘You better pay your electric bill’. And you said ‘I paid it in time, therefore I still have electricity, so I did a good job’. Now, a thought came ‘You better go and get your teeth checked out, otherwise it’s going to be a root canal’. And you didn’t do it, and you said ‘Oh, I did such a bad job!’ That was another way of saying ‘I was in control, but I did it badly’. You see? So, both pride and guilt are based on this sense of doership.

So, now what we’re saying is ‘Hand it over to Existence’ means what? The thought comes, and for a while it seems like we even make a response like this saying ‘It’s my Father’s problem or it is the Satguru’s problem. Don’t take it up with me’. And you’ll find it if it is a true sense of surrender, it’s not a sort of avoidance, it’s not Advaita avoidance, you’ll find your feet will be marveling at how auspicious your steps have become. Before even you come to know that something needs to be done in that way, you find your feet are moving in that direction. This is the intuitive. You’re switching over from this mind-sense to the Satguru within, which is the intuitive Presence. Many times it will be that you don’t know why you’re walking left instead of right. But it reveals itself; and you say ‘Wow, this is why’. This is the handing over.

The mind will come and say ‘but, but, but, what will happen if I lose this control?’ Nothing will happen. This is trust. This is surrender. So, if you find that this trust, this faith, this surrender is there, then everything is simplified. As long as you find that it’s somewhat there, but not yet fully like that, then we must continue to inquire and say ‘Who is it that is in control right now in the first place?’ Then you see that both are the same thing actually. There comes a point where surrender and inquiry are one.

Q:Because the Seeing is not yet clear here and on a day-to-day basis, the thought comes that ‘If I don’t make breakfast, my kid will go hungry’. But my thing is to sit and meditate and then the breakfast is still not ready.

A:But…, find yourself without these conclusions. Find yourself without believing these conclusions. And then come and report to me after a week, saying ‘For a week, I haven’t given my kids breakfast’. See if it happens. Because this is just the mind resistance. It says…, for you it is saying…, mostly it says things like ‘Oh, but ‘I’m not the doer’ means I can just go and shoot at people and kill people. I’m not responsible’. Or it says ‘I’m just going to lay in bed all day; not do anything’.

Q: More complacent.

A: Complacency, laziness, lethargy.

So, you find that as you experiment with this, you might find that there’s more life energy flowing. You may double the breakfast that is required. [Chuckles]

Q: [Laughs] I will definitely put it into practice.

A:Yes. Experiment with this, very playfully. And then you will find. If you don’t find yourself experimenting with this…, because even if that is not there, (that you can experiment with it because so much belief has been given to breakfast or something), then you inquire into ‘Who is making breakfast now?’ Who is moving the body? Who is nodding your head?

It is said that for the movement of the hand to happen, some neurons have to fire, thousands or millions of neurons have to fire. You know how to fire a neuron?

Q: No, any of the involuntary actions, I have no control.

A:Ah. Now words are coming with the firing of neurons. No?

Q:[Laughter] But voluntary I am asking…,

A:So, that’s what we’re asking. We’re getting into the mechanics of how you do it. You say ‘Voluntarily, I am asking this question’. For the question to be asked, your mouth had to move. For the mouth to move, some nerves and neurons had to be activated. How did you do that?

Q: Yeah.

A:You don’t know how to move a single inch, of anything. This presumed entity that we can’t even find does not exert some mystical energy here and move our bodies. You see?

[Silence] How can the person be in control if it is not even found? This is the funny thing; there is the power of our pretense. This is the leela; how so much faith can go into that one that we cannot find, and how we are in denial of That which is Here.

Q:When I have inquired, (this is the practical problem I have found), that it’s all about this body and the survival of the body. Most of the thoughts are about protecting its survival and the species. So if that was not there, then most of these things will disappear automatically. So, the question is…

A:Okay, so, whose body is this? The question of survival of the body means that ‘This must be my body’.

Q:No. The reporting of all the sensations, the physical discomfort or what is happening…, not to the person next to me, but to somewhere here, somewhere here; not to anybody else. So, if I put my hand in the fire there is a natural thing to take it back otherwise I’m going to destroy my hand. So, that is where the mind…

A:So, the question is: Who is experiencing these sensations? Is there a Soumya there?

Q:Yeah.., somewhere there is.

A:There is? [Chuckles] She found it! [Laughs] A thousand dollars! [Ananta’s ongoing joke or offer that if anyone can find and show him the ‘person’ he will give them a thousand dollars]

What does she look like, this Soumya?

Q: It’s just …, where are the sensations are being reported to?

A:Ah! Sensations. Go to any sensation in the body, and show me the Soumya who is experiencing them.

Q: I mean, if I stay with it, it just becomes a wide openness.

A: It just becomes a wide openness, but I don’t want to do that. [Laughs]

Q:But for that, I have to sit with my eyes closed. When my eyes are open and I’m going about, it’s not becoming wide openness, it’s feeling like…

A:Yes. But like I was saying to someone before, today, that to confirm that the sun comes from the East, you don’t have to stare at the sun all day. Isn’t it? The recognition can be recognized in an instant. And after that it becomes that if some doubt is still believed then we check again. If some doubt is still believed then we check again.

But the coming to a constriction of our attention and it not leaving home cannot be freedom. You see, this is a misconception that we have. If freedom meant that I could not move out of Awareness and I was only aware of this, and no phenomenon would come in front of me, then why would I create this world in the first place? It must be for this phenomenal tasting, phenomenal experiencing. It doesn’t change the nature of what I am.

So, what we have confused is that…, the moment of recognition we have confused to be a state; and we say that ‘Now I must be in that state only. Only then I will be free’.

Q: I have understood that, yeah.

A:This recognition is enough to show you that there is no person here. So, when these thoughts are coming and saying ‘You have to run your life. You have to make breakfast. You have to pay bills’…, the question is ‘Who?’ I don’t find anybody here.

You see, it’s not even like this, that you’re having this conversation; automatically it just gets dropped.

Q:Yeah, many times I’ve woken up at some time because something needs to be done, and I’m like ‘Oh, I’ve slipped up and now I’ve been woken up’. A lot of things happen on a day-to-day basis that shows that something else is watching over or making things happen. But at the same time, the recognition is not complete.

A:There’s still a sense that something is happening to ‘you’. And as long as that sense is there, you will say ‘Okay, okay, no person here, but please make sure that nothing happens to me, okay?’ That is like deal making with God. ‘I surrender to you, but actually please…, something is watching over me very nicely, but…’ Suppose that something was a trickster and just wanted to have fun like Krishna. [Chuckles] Then…? Because when you see that nothing.., there is no suffer-er, then this fear of ‘What is going to happen, what the future entails; am I taking care of my stuff or not?’ will not be so much.

Q: Naturally moving away from pain to make sure that the body is healthy, or …

A:Yes. But the body which is moving away from pain is which one? [Silence] It’s naturally designed in this realm, as Consciousness has designed it, that the movement away from pain happens; just like a small child knows that it is wrong to lie, even before necessarily they’ve been told. So some things are part and parcel of this.

Q: Primitive brain or whatever that is; it’s all pre-programmed. So, that is not mind, right?

A:No, that is just part of this. Even the mind is Consciousness actually. But just because the mind is Consciousness doesn’t mean that we must believe it. I jokingly say, (when the audience is not new), I say ‘But even an axe-murderer is Consciousness’. And somebody resists and says ‘Why you always pick on the mind? Mind is also Consciousness’. You see? Even the serial killer is Consciousness, an axe-murderer is Consciousness. Let’s go meet them, hug them; who does that? Nobody. In the same way, we must not believe what the mind is saying although of course it is Consciousness Itself.

Is There Any Time That Believing the Mind is Helpful?

Q: Is there any time that believing the mind is helpful?

A: [Chuckles]. Okay. I will give you an answer which nobody else is hearing. Okay?

When it is reporting factually (such as, the color of this shirt is gray), then it’s okay. Believe it. Q: So, second level thinking is not required…

A:Any time you inject a ‘me’ into it, it is trouble.

Q:Okay.

A:If it means something to you, (you would rather I wear a kurta), then that is trouble.

Q:Unassociated.

A:If it’s impersonal…, which it rarely is.

But you wanted some concession for the mind, so I’ll give it that. [Chuckles]

Q:Alright. Thank you.

Guided Inquiry: Aware of Awareness

See if you can bring your attention to the sounds in the room.

If your eyes are open, to the visuals that you’re seeing.

And Allow your attention to move freely.

Don’t constrict your attention in any way.

Let all interpretations, all meanings, come and go.

Don’t label anything a distraction.

Allow and welcome everything.

Notice that these sounds and these visuals are being perceived.

Very simply, you are aware of this perceiving.

Don’t try to be aware; just notice if you can. Observe that effortlessly there is awareness of all sounds, of everything that the senses are bringing. This awareness remains untouched whatever the content of the senses might be.

Now, as we close our eyes, notice that the process of perceiving did not stop. Only that which was visually perceived is now gone, to be replaced with this dark space. But even this is perceived. And you are aware of this; effortlessly.

You’re not trying to be aware: you just are.

And even with the eyes closed, the play of perception, the play of sensations continues. You can still hear the sounds, you can still experience touch, there is still taste, and all the sensations in the body are still perceived. Therefore this primal functioning called perception is happening.

Now you can allow your attention to move wherever it likes. Allow it to go wherever it likes, and notice how the objects could change, what is being perceived could change, but the process of perceiving continues unobstructed.

And there is awareness of this.

Notice how thoughts are nothing but another object of our perception; another form of energy which is perceived. But even the appearing and the disappearing of thoughts does not get in the way of this perceiving.

There is awareness of this.

Now let’s notice how all the sensations in the body are also different forms of energy being perceived. When attention goes to these sensations, they seem to come alive. Don’t resist any sensation. Notice how the perceiving continues, effortlessly and unobstructed; no matter what the content, no matter which object is perceived.

And notice that no matter what the object is, the energy-construct called thoughts very often makes itself available as a judgment or an interpretation of ‘What Is’. But ‘What Is’ is independent of this judgment, of this interpretation. Therefore, if something is being believed to be a distraction, don’t push it away. Let it remain meaningless, without interpretation.

Let’s see now if our attention can go to some emotion; sadness, fear, joy, bliss, anger, frustration. Observe that there is perceiving of these…, and you are aware of this perceiving.

Let’s see now if our attention can move to the perceiver of all of these perceptions.

Is there a sense here that there is a perceiver or an experiencer of these perceptions?

[Silence]

Let’s bring our attention to this sense of existence. No struggle, no interpretation; just this sense which shows you that you are awake. The wakefulness. The sense of existence. The sense that ‘I Am’.

Effortless inquire into ‘Who is aware?’…, even of this sense of wakefulness? Who is aware of this sense of existence?

There is no effort needed. Simply allow these words to take you there.

Relax into your own Seeing.

[Silence]

Find out: Who is aware of this awareness?

Allow all mental answers to come and go. You cannot know the answer in this way.

Before your senses, before the very sense of existence, there is this Knowing, this Awareness.

Who can be aware of this Awareness?

Before all of these objects which are experienced by your Being, there is awareness of this Being.

Who is aware of this awareness?

How do you know of this awareness?

It cannot be seen through sight; yet It is aware of sight.

Who is aware of this awareness?

No thought can contemplate this. No emotion can touch this. This has no identity. All the words and all the states, (the waking, dream and sleep), This is aware of. And yet no state This is.

Who is aware of this awareness?

[Silence]

Which identity can define this?

Which words can describe this?

Does this exist? Or not?

And It Itself is aware of existence.

There is no-body here. All bodies arise within It.

It is no-thing, and yet all things appear and disappear in It.

Who is aware of this?

That which is not coming and going…

Only the appearances come and go.

Are you aware now?

Who is aware of this awareness?

What can touch this awareness?

Is it touched by the sensations of this body?

Is it touched by emotions and state of mind?

Is it touched by the objects of the world?

Find out if you are aware of this awareness.

Find out ….

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

It’s very good if we remain in this silence, the energetic Presence of satsang, to fulfill this urge for Self-recognition. All desires are just notations of this one desire; self-recognition.

Inquiring into ‘Who is Aware of Awareness?’

Q:I have a question about the inquiry.

A:Yes, yes.

Q:I’ve talked to you about it before. The same thing is still happening with the tiredness and the feeling…, really feeling drugged almost. If I try to follow you or Guruji, like on the two days a week that you do inquiry…?

A: Yes

Q:Really…, I probably hear the first five-seconds.

A:[Chuckles]

Q:It’s kind of embarrassing. I don’t know what’s going on. And I don’t know if I need to just leave it, just leave it be or if there is something else? I don’t know, Father. It’s driving me crazy.

A: Okay. So, five-seconds. [Chuckles] Can we inquire in five-seconds? Mmm? [Chuckles]

So as I say in these days that one of the most potent questions we can ask ourselves is ‘Who is Aware of Awareness?’ (I’m speaking fast so we don’t run out of time.) [Chuckles]

So, when we ask this question ‘Who is aware of Awareness?’ then what happens?

Q:Well, very quickly it feels like I’m aware of Awareness. But…, I don’t know how to explain.

A:Yes. This is good. So, ‘I’ am aware of Awareness.

Q:Yeah.

A:And this ‘I’…, which is aware of Awareness…, did we see an ‘I’ to confirm this? Or it is something more primal than that?

[Silence]

Q: It feels like ‘I, Radhika’ am aware…, but it’s just a sensation.

A:The instant the question is asked, ‘Who is aware of Awareness?’ is there a Radhika there?

Q:No.

A:Is there a Radhika here now?

Q:It feels like it. [Sighs]

A:[Chuckles] Yes. It’s okay. We can start from here. This is good.

Q:This is taking a long time. And it feels like it is taking a long time to be asking the same questions. It feels ridiculous.

A:[Chuckles] Yes. But that is the 1-2 punch, you see? The second punch, of the 1-2 punch, of the mind is worse than the first one. So, the first one is that the same question is coming. You see? The first punch is that. ‘We’re asking the same question’ is the first aspect.

What is worse is the second punch which is ‘Oh, I am so unworthy. I’m guilty. I just keep asking the same questions. It’s taking too long’. You see?

[Chuckles] So, none of this is true actually. It’s not taking too long. [Chuckles] Most of the world is not even asking the question. Hmm?

Q: [Giggles]

A:So there is nothing like ‘taking too long’. What is important is to be able to just See what is here now. And the mind will come and say ‘But…, Radhika is Seeing this’. But this is pure fiction. This is fiction, isn’t it? There is no Radhika who is here.

Q: [Silence]

A:So, the one that answers yes to ‘Am I aware now?’…, (it is not the reporting of the ‘yes’ but the Seeing that is true), whose Seeing is this one?

Q: [Silence] It’s my Seeing.

A:Yes. And this ‘me’…, what can we See about that One?

Q:[Silence]

A:The One that Sees it. What do we See about that One?

Q:[Silence]

A:When we look for this ‘I’, what do we find? Is it a void? Is it a void that we find? Is it something phenomenal, something that can be tasted, that we find?

Q: Just Seeing. There’s just Seeing.

A:There’s just Seeing. And how is this Seeing, seen? Is it seen in some way? How do we know there is just Seeing?

Q: I just know.

A:You just know. So, this ‘I’ which is the same Knowingness, the same Awareness Itself, is aware of Itself as Awareness.

That’s why when we ask the question ‘Who is aware of this Awareness?’ we say that ‘It is me, it is ‘I ‘that is aware’.

It is so naturally and simply known; it is as simple as that. This ‘I’ does not look like anything, because it is no-thing. You see? And yet, it is so clear that ‘I am aware’. Is it not clear?

Q: It’s clear.

A:It’s clear. And it’s also clear that this ‘I’ that is aware, is not a thing? Is this clear?

Q:Clear, clear.

A:Yes. And this ‘I’ that is aware is not even like a spatial blank. It’s not even visible as some dark space or white light, or anything.

Q: No.

A:It’s clear?

Q:Clear.

A:Very good. So, this ‘I’ which is indescribable…, and yet it is so clear, that It Is. We cannot deny the existence of this ‘I’. We can only say that it is not to be found phenomenally. Isn’t it?

Q: [Nodding affirmatively]

A; Okay. Now, if all of this is true, then where is Radhika in all of this?

Q: [Silence]

A:Hmm? You don’t find the Radhika. So, Radhika then must be presumed; if we get a sense that this feeling is Radhika, or these thoughts make up Radhika, or a combination of the sense of my existence and the presence of these feelings and thoughts must make up Radhika, isn’t it?

Q: Yeah.

A:You see? But really, when we deconstruct it in this way, we find that the sense of existence is here but the ‘I’ which is aware of it remains untouched. The feelings could be various ones which come and go. Yet, this ‘I’ remains untouched. And, the thoughts can come and go, and ‘I’ remain untouched.

So, now what does this ‘I’ have to do?

Q: Nothing

A:[Smiling] Can it lose itself? Can this ‘I’ lose itself?

Q:No…, no. [Silence]

A:Now, which part of the question still remains?

Q:[Silence] Okay. So, it feels clear. Obviously clear…, but not complete.

A:Yes.

Q:I can’t deny anything you’ve said; I’ve said. I can’t deny it. But, it doesn’t feel…, it just doesn’t feel complete.

A: Yes, yes.

Q:There’s still separation that is experienced. So I feel like ‘Well then, I guess I need to keep inquiring’. I can’t, because I feel like I’m drugged or asleep. I can’t work these things out.

A:[Chuckles] Yes.

Q:It’s very clear…,

A:I’ve been saying there are two aspects to this. One is this recognition. And, if there is any doubt about it, let’s go through it together. This recognition of what Is, in this moment, right Now, is the first step that we are taking together.

What gives us the ability to say ‘I am aware’ without Seeing this ‘I’? There is something more primal. Isn’t it? There is this Awareness that ‘I’ Itself IS…, this knowingness of ‘I’…, without finding a phenomenal ‘I’.

It’s okay if we talk like this? It’s direct, very much directing at what we’re looking for.

Q:Very good. It’s a little hard to hear. I think my phone is breaking up little a little bit, but I’m with you. I’m with you.

A:Okay. Very good. If we can delve into this question: ‘How are we able to report that ‘I am aware’ without finding this ‘I’ as a phenomenon?’ Isn’t there a deeper knowing of this ‘I’…, which is not a thing?

[Silence]

This is the recognition which is not phenomenal. The only one [non-phenomenal recognition] like this.

How many are clear about this; how many are not clear? Clear, raise your hand. Clear? [Chuckles] No peer pressure.

[Inaudible responses from sangha] [Q now becomes responses from Sangha in the room]:

Okay. So, let’s go really slow. There’s a request to go really slow.

Let’s start with the question: ‘Can I stop being now?’ ‘Can I stop being?’

And we find that there’s a sense of Presence, a sense of existence that is here. ‘I am aware of this’. ‘I’ am aware of this. Isn’t it?

This ‘I’ that is aware of this, is it a thing? Is it a space? Does it have any attributes whatsoever? Hmm? Is it? [Asking in the room to each] Is it? Is it?

So, the ‘I’ that is aware of even the sense of Presence, what is it? Is it a thing? Is it a blank space? Is it a visual of something?

Space? Space? Who is aware of this space?

Q: [Inaudible]

A:It feels like it is being visualized that way. It feels?

Q:[Inaudible]

A:It is Seen now like this? Don’t rely on any past conclusion.

Hmm? The ‘I’ that is aware of being, what does this one look like? Where is it located? What is its size and shape?

If there is blank space, who is aware of that space? Is it spatial space? Is it like spatial space?

Q: [Nods]

A:So, who is aware of this space? Is that within the space?

Q:[Inaudible]

A:It’s measurable space?

Q:[Inaudible]

A:Yes. But who is aware of this experience?

Q:[Inaudible]

A:We say it is ‘I’. That is not deniable. We are looking for the contours of this ‘I’ actively today. A little bit. Because she reminded me it was easy to fall asleep…, [Chuckles] when we’re inquiring quietly.

And, no using the mind at all. No using past answers. No conclusions. Just from the checking now, what do we find?

Q: [Inaudible]

A:Are you answering my question? Don’t divert yourself. It’s not good for you right now. Who is this ‘I’? Is this moving? Don’t presume anything.

Does it have to move to be aware? Do you have to move to be aware? Is the movement of attention equal to your movement?

[Silence]

This ‘I’… Then, when I ask you, ‘Are you aware now?’ where does the confirmation come from? What Seeing does It rely on? Is It phenomenal? What did we find that we are able to say ‘Yes’?

So when we check ‘Am I aware now?’ Don’t go on any mental adventures. Just stay here.

Why is it that ‘Yes’ is the right answer?

How is this known?

Who is the ‘I’ that Sees this or knows this or is aware of it?

[Silence]

Q:It’s like…, it feels like it’s not separate from any of the phenomena, any of the objects.

A:But is the existence of this Awareness dependent on the appearance of an object?

Q:No. It feels like when you check ‘Am I aware of an object?’ actually the first part of that is ‘Am I Awareness?’…

A:Exactly. So, then we say that the Awareness is independent of the appearance of the objective world, but the objective world cannot be reported to appear unless there was an Awareness of it. Isn’t it?

So, the dependent relationship is obviously on Awareness Itself. And yet, we cannot See it. Not with worldly eyes; not through phenomenal eyes.

This is complete. This is recognized and it is complete in Itself. In fact, it is never incomplete.

What is the Root of This Knowing I Am Aware?

Q:It’s like when you ask the question ‘Is Awareness Aware of itself?’ it feels like the ultimate. If that is really clearly recognized then everything falls into a null. It’s just like; I just describe it just like the circuit is closed. It just feels like everything is complete. But that recognition takes effort here. I don’t know why. Every time I ask you it takes effort to recognize if …

A:It can seem like that. That’s why we have pointers. You know?

Q:But it’s like the ultimate question.

A:So when I ask you ‘Who is aware of this Awareness?’ you see that Awareness itself is aware of itself. Then what happens?

Q:Why don’t I see it so clearly Father? Why am I not like saying ‘Yes’?

A:Say the ‘no’ part, what is the block?

Q:I know that I know.

A:Yes, exactly that is what I am saying. But it’s not mental; it’s not a conceptual knowing. We have to clarify that. Because many can know Awareness as a concept but the true knowing of itself is simpler than that. You’re saying the trouble is what? You say ‘I know that I know’. ‘I am Aware that I am Aware’. But …?

Q: I don’t know what the ‘but’ is. It doesn’t seem satisfactory, though.

A:Same question now; same question. So what should feel satisfied? What should feel complete? Joy should come?

Q: It’s like this moment, this moment.

A: Yes. This moment, what is incomplete?

Q:There is a sense that I am saying ‘I know, I know’ but is it really true? Am I really saying it from….?

A:Okay, what part of it could be false? Let’s narrow it down. Which part could be false? ‘I know?’ or ‘I know that I know?’ or the whole thing?

Q:Let’s just go with this ‘I know’ first. I was just watching something last night and you asked ‘How do you know? Why do you not say I taste?’ This question feels very relevant and I went to sleep with it. But it’s still not like sinking in. I want it to sink in.

A:So, keep this ‘I’ that wants something out of the picture. So we said that ‘Why do we say I know or I am Aware? Why don’t we say I taste Being? Or why don’t we say I smell Being?’ We say ‘I am Aware of this Being’. So, we know what Awareness is. That is why we say ‘I am Aware of Being’. Just like we know what smell is, what taste is, what hearing is, what sight it. And yet this Awareness, when compared to all other types of phenomenon, this one exhibits no attributes. It just is.

Another Q: I feel very agitated about it.

A:Yes. But can we come to a point now that we are not so concerned about what emotions are coming up, about what thoughts are coming up? Can we keep them aside for some time and continue to look? Let the agitation come. It’s okay. It’s come many times. It goes. It’s fine. All this coming and going, if we can keep it aside and say:

What is it? What is at the root of this?

I am aware. What is this Awareness?

Is that which is aware separate from Awareness?

Q: No.

A:It’s not separate. Then? So if we keep the realm of emotions, thoughts, appearances, sounds, distractions, all that aside for some time and just focus on this:

Who knows Awareness? Who is aware of Awareness?

It is ‘I’…, it is ‘I’.

But which ‘I’ is this one?

Is it a phenomenal ‘I’?

Is it a void ‘I’?

It is a light ‘I’?

Which ‘I’ is this one?

[Silence]

Don’t leave this question. It is really the root of ‘Who am I?’

[Silence]

Now, don’t sell this question for something cheaper.

I am aware. This ‘I’ is which one?

What separates it from this Awareness Itself?

How is the ‘I’ Which is Aware Distinct from Awareness?

Q:I just want to say what I see here. So, the attention is all over the place but I’m still aware of the attention all over the place.

A: You are aware of that also. Very good.

Q: So, it doesn’t matter where the attention is.

A:So, this ‘I’ that is aware even of attention, what about This one? When we say ‘aware of’ is there something separate; ‘of’…? Where is this Awareness in relation to this ‘I’?

Q: [sighs] [Silence] It’s here, Father. It’s here, I don’t where; and it’s aware.

A:This ‘It’…, is it separate from ‘I’? That which we truly call ourself, ‘I’…, ‘I am aware’…, is this ‘I’ separate from this Awareness? Is there anything here which is separate from Awareness? The question really is: How is ‘I am aware’ different from ‘Awareness is aware’?

Everyone gets the question? How is ‘I am aware’ different from saying ‘Awareness is aware’? What is the difference between these two?

Q: [Inaudible]

A:Okay, but now when we say ‘I am aware’ …, all false sense of ‘I’ is dissolved here. Now when we say ‘I am aware’ how is it different from saying ‘Awareness is aware’? [Silence]

Okay, Radhika can say.

Q:[Radhika]: What’s here right now is that I can’t find anything with the question.

A:Yes. Are you able to say ‘I am not aware?’

Q:No. I can only see there is nothing here but ‘I am aware’. It feels like I can only find ‘I am aware’.

A:Yes. And this ‘I’ that is aware, or this ‘I’ that is finding ‘I am aware’ …, is it the same as saying ‘Awareness is aware’? Or is there an ‘I’ which is distinguishable from this Awareness?

Q: [Silence]

A:Let’s use this. We say ‘I find only that I am aware’. So, this ‘I’ which finds and this ‘I’ which is aware, is it not the same ‘I’ as Awareness Itself?

What is the difference between saying ‘Awareness finds Itself’ or ‘Awareness is aware of Itself’ …, and ‘I am aware of this Awareness’?

Q:There’s no ‘I’ …, I’m just seeing that all I can find right now is Awareness. But it doesn’t feel like Awareness is aware of Awareness…, (or some resistance to that).

A:Yes. Then who would it be that is aware of Awareness?

Q:It can only be me. [Chuckles]

A:Yes. And this ‘Me’…, it is aware of Awareness; as what? What is this ‘Me’ that is aware of Awareness? What is the distinction between Awareness and this ‘Me’? That is what we are looking for.

Q: So, Father, what was that?

A:The distinction between Awareness and this ‘Me’ is what we are looking for. One point of distinction between Awareness and ‘Me’…, this ‘Me’ that is aware. Just one point.

Q:It doesn’t even feel like a ‘Me’ that’s aware. Okay, I know this doesn’t make sense. [Chuckles] It just feels like awareness is here.

A:Yes. And who is aware of this?

Q:Sorry…? [Repeat, please]

A:And who is aware of this?

Q:You are aware of this. Very good. And only Awareness is here. Then, even as an inference, we can see that I must be Awareness Itself…, but I don’t want you to infer. We must just keep checking:

What is the distinction between this ‘I’ that is aware and the Awareness Itself?

Just look for one difference between the ‘I’ that is aware of Awareness, and the Awareness Itself.

Q: [Silence] It’s moving around a little bit.

A: So, what’s moving around? Attention can move about. That’s okay. Who is aware of that?

Q:I am aware of that. I don’t even know what’s moving.

A:Yes. [Chuckles]

Q:It just feels like I’m going around with something. It doesn’t matter.

A:This question is the greatest auspiciousness. Let anything that is meant to happen, happen. [Silence] This ‘I’ which is aware…, how is this ‘I’ different than Awareness Itself?

Q: [Silence]

First Q from above: Does the attention have to go there? Because it’s all over the place. So, to recognize itself, does the attention have to stay there?

A:No. Attention can move about. You yourself said ‘Who is aware of this attention?’ If automatically, in the questioning, you find that attention comes here, it’s fine. But you don’t have to force it. It’s effortless.

Another Q: Father, there is nothing that I’m conscious of which is out of my scope of attention.

A: Yes, but that’s not what my question is.

This ‘I’ that is aware, what is the one point of distinction between this ‘I’ and Awareness Itself?

Q: [Inaudible]

A:Now, what is the thing? I said ‘Let attention move about wherever it wants’…, let it go. So you don’t wander off with a question about that.

This ‘I’ that is aware of Awareness, what is the difference between It and Awareness?

Now, attention is moving…?

Q:How is any exploration possible without the light of Consciousness, without the movement of attention, watching that exploration?

A:Without the movement of attention, you’re saying? Yes. But here, when I say ‘Are you aware now?’.., it is just Known, isn’t it?…, prior to attention, prior to any other movement. The reporting requires movement, but we’re not so interested in the reporting.

The ‘I’ that is aware, how is it different from Awareness?

Just spot one difference. The question is that simple.

A:[Asks someone else in the room] How are you doing with this?

Q:There is no difference.

A:There is no difference. So, this ‘I’ that is aware IS Awareness Itself?

Q:[Nods yes]

A:… Is Awareness Itself. Okay.

How many of you are coming to this recognition? [Looks around room and online hangout faces]. Very good. Very good.

Another Q: Father, the point is that there is not complete understanding of this Awareness so there is not complete understanding about this ‘I’ also, and therefore it is not that easy to answer your question.

A:So, you’re saying you’re NOT aware? You’re not sure whether you’re aware?

Q:Yes, I am aware. But I’m saying there’s not full understanding.

A:Are you sure you’re aware? No, I’m serious. Are you sure you’re aware?

Q:Yes.

A:This is full understanding.

You have not understood it mentally, because nobody can understand Awareness mentally. You can make some reports on it, which can be very beautiful, but that’s not the point.

You say ‘I am sure I am aware’. This is all I need. This is all we need.

So, then we are asking: This ‘I’ which is aware, how is it distinct from the Awareness Itself?

First Q: It’s not, Father.

A:It’s not distinct from the Awareness. Okay. So, when we say ‘I am aware’…, it’s the same as saying ‘Awareness is aware’? Same?

Q:I think that the toughest time here is that ‘I’ has always been pointed out as an entity. And this is not an entity.

A: Exactly.

Q: Because there is nobody there.

A:Yes. So, because ‘I’ has been used in another way, and yet…, there’s been a deeper Knowing of the truth about ‘I’ always also. Only that in this realm, we’ve used the ‘I’ to denote the body / mind. Therefore, now we’re coming to this non-phenomenal ‘I’. But it is important to recognize that It Is this ‘I’. You see?

This is what Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] was pointing to when he said ‘The ‘I’ removes the ‘I’ and yet remains the ‘I’. So the false ‘I’ is removed, but the true ‘I’ which is Awareness Itself remains.

Now, the point is we’ve all heard these words. Now I’m provoking you into the recognition of this which the mind will use every trick to try and evade; it will use everything possible to try and evade. But it’s so simple actually that you cannot miss it.

You will only miss it if you’re looking for an object or an entity or some ‘thing’. But what This Is is prior to that; it is simpler than that. It is not a phenomenal finding. You have been looking for the ‘I’ in the wrong place. You have been looking for ‘I’ phenomenally. You have been looking for ‘I’ in the by-products. But now we are just simply seeing that this has always been the truth, and that there has always been this awareness of it.

Isn’t it?

Previous Q: Father, it feels like I can’t find the difference because I can’t find the ‘I’.

A:Yes. And yet we say ‘I can’t find the I’. So, this ‘I’ [Chuckles] is always here, you see? It’s always here. Because You are aware; it is not anyone else. You are aware. Is this true?

Q: This is true.

A:This is true. This is clear! I am aware. You see? You cannot find the ‘I’ is exactly what I’m saying. You cannot find it phenomenally; that’s why it is confusing to the mind. And yet, most naturally, we say ‘I am aware’…, without even the effort to try and find the ‘I’. Because I is what You Are…, this Awareness Itself.

[Silence]

That’s why I say to try the other way: Don’t be aware. Try to not be aware. Try to exist without being aware.

Don’t get lost in the semantics. Just try to push away awareness, and exist without it. (Don’t say ‘sense of existence is that…’ Don’t get stuck with all that): Don’t be aware.

Can you find an independent entity outside of this Awareness, which owns this Awareness?

[Silence]

There must be an experience or there must be some validation of this non-awareness; yet that is never our experience. This Awareness is un-miss-able. The phenomenal ‘I’ I cannot find…, (except the most Immaculate phenomena, I Am Itself, which is the first modulation of this ‘I’. (Okay, but let’s not go there right now).

This ‘I’ that is aware, ‘I am aware’…, this ‘I’…, how is it distinct from Awareness?

Why do we say ‘I am aware’? Why don’t we say ‘The room is aware or the chair is aware’? Why do we say ‘I am aware’? You see? We don’t say ‘The body is aware’. We say ‘I am aware’. You see?

Other Q: My awareness. .. [Inaudible]

A:Yes, so this ‘My awareness’ is whose awareness? This ‘I’ whose awareness it is…, how is that different from the Awareness Itself? You see…, ‘My awareness. My!’

Who is this ‘I’ whose awareness it is?

How is it distinct from Awareness?

How are we able to report this with so much confidence?

So, look at that. Look at that.

How is any of this clear?

[Silence]

How do I confirm I am aware?

Why do I use these words ‘I am aware’?

Why would I say ‘I am aware’ if it was not the truth?

And yet, this Awareness is not seen phenomenally.

It is just aware of Itself.

It is a primal Knowing of Knowingness Itself.

How Do I Confirm That I Am Aware?

How do I confirm that I am aware?

Why do I use these words ‘I am aware’?

Why would I say ‘I am aware’ if it were not the truth? And yet, this Awareness is not seen phenomenally. It is just aware of Itself; it is a primal Knowing of Knowingness Itself.

Why are we more inclined to saying ‘I am aware’ rather than saying ‘I am not aware’? If it we were neutral to it, we could say ‘either’ and it wouldn’t make a difference. Why is it that we are more inclined to say ‘I am aware’? Because there must be the Knowing of this already which is very, very deep.

And then, once you see that; [the true] ‘I’ and ‘Awareness’ (same)…, then see if you can become some other ‘I’.

Can you really be another ‘I’?

Can you be that which owns this body/mind?

Do all other labels, do all other reference points for this ‘I’ start to fade away, start to lose their magnetism, their strength? Because everything else that we use the ‘I’ for, first there is an awareness of ‘I’.

This Awareness is the most fundamental, the most primal back-drop to any appearance, isn’t it?

[Silence]

We can say where we are with this. Those of us who are actively following; where are we?

Q:Where am I? Just looking. I can’t find a difference but it still somehow feels separate, a little separate.

A:Yes, yes. So, let’s keep looking for points of separation because this is the idea. This idea of separation is the whole cause of all of this drama. Without the sense of separation, we would not be able to pretend to be people. So, now let’s keep looking for this separation. Let’s not presume any separation, let’s look.

How is this ‘I’ different from Awareness?

What is the difference between ‘I’ and ‘Aware’?

What is the separation?

Where is ‘Aware’ and I am not?

Where is ‘I’ and Awareness is not?

That must mean separation; if there was ‘I’ but Awareness was not, that would mean separation. Or Awareness, but I am not. It has to be separate only that way. Isn’t it?

I’m very happy if you’re able to drill down on this like this and not go with any other mental gymnastics.

When we say ‘Are you aware now?’ the answer is ‘I am aware’. The question is very simple.

What is the distinction or the difference between ‘I’ and ‘Aware’?

And all of you are already seeing that no amount of visualization, creativity or appearances are helping with this question; so in that way we learned to keep them aside. No thought can help us here. All the concepts which are needed for this inquiry have been provided from here. Nothing else you need to add on top.

Who is this ‘I’ that is aware? [Silence]

Is this ‘I’ an object?

Is it light or sound?

Does it have a size or shape?

Does it have a start or end?

Was it born and will it die?

What can we say about this ‘I’?

Those of us who are looking at this…, don’t change this question for any other question.

And don’t come to any conclusion. This is the time when a lot of fancy spiritual concepts or something attractive in the worldly realm will be offered to you by the mind. Just let them come and go. Don’t come to any conclusion about anything. Remain with the question. Even if this entire lifetime goes with this contemplation, it will be worthwhile.

I am aware. Who is this ‘I’?

[Silence]

Who is this ‘I’ which is aware? See if you can find one difference between this ‘I’ and Awareness Itself.

What is the Relationship of Awareness to Dynamic Consciousness?

A:So, Anil had said ‘Can I come up? I want to take the contemplation further into dynamic realms’. Okay. Let’s hear the question.

Q:Namaste.

A:Namaste.

Q:Father, this recognition that I’m awareness, non-phenomenal, is pretty fine. And by telling [about] this Awareness in this dynamic realm state is also fine. Not a problem. Now, the thing is that, what is my relationship as Awareness with this Consciousness? I do not know. I do not know what is my relationship as Awareness with this visible world, this dynamic world.

It is so easy; from the learning is that I am the witness of this and all this is appearing in Me. This is also fine. This is also fine. Not a problem. Now, if I am this dynamic field also, which is of course is reporting to Me, and I’m aware of its reporting, and I’m also aware that it is reporting to Me, so we can say that is only by learning that the un-manifested ‘I’ is the same as the ‘I am’ in the waking state. This is my learning, actually. And this seems to be an experience also.

When Guruji [Sri Mooji] says that ‘You just stay in the Self and the Supreme Being or the Higher Power or the God or the Consciousness takes care of everything’. Everything is just happening, you know, and you are aware of it. So this means that I-as-the-Awareness which is non-phenomenal and non-manifested, also is present in this dynamic field as the Awareness also. Which means it is not something like…, something in which the three waking states are appearing and disappearing; it’s not like that. It means that the Consciousness and the Awareness is here and now. It is not that only the Consciousness is here and now, but Awareness is also here and now. There is just a little subtlety actually. It’s not that, you know, the Awareness is somewhere right there in the sky and I am here as the Consciousness. It is not spatial. It is not spatial. So, every activity is happening, and because of the Knowing, because of the power of Knowing or the Awareness, I know that it is happening.

If I Am the Consciousness and if I Am the Godhood, then there is no doership from my end. There is no doership from my end, but I can only claim it once I am totally free of my egoic nature. Otherwise there is a blend of the ego in the Consciousness. So I cannot say that, ‘Okay, I Am Consciousness, and this is not my responsibility actually; this is the responsibility of my human nature’. Like, you know, Nisargadatta Maharaj says ‘My human nature’. As my human nature, you know…, I just want to say ‘Close my eyes; because the cat is there, the pigeon will not survive’.

So, it cannot be like this. This conditioning or the egoic thing, it will go on its own. I’m coming to satsang, and listening to Guruji, this is happening also. This is happening also. With all this understanding, what is my relationship as an Awareness to Consciousness? If I maintain my

Awareness and if I don’t bother with what is happening to the Consciousness…, which I have a choice. I can just close my eyes to this world. But world will not know. World will not know. If I’m not doing anything which I’m supposed to be doing in this life, at the most people will say ‘See? He’s a useless fellow. Okay, he is not responsible. You cannot rile this’. But I know, actually, it is my choice. If it is my choice, a conscious choice, then both the sequence of action and inaction is valid.

A:Okay. Let’s pause here. Let’s pause here; lots of points. So, first point which we want to look at is the simple point which is: ‘What is the relationship as Awareness with this dynamic aspect of Consciousness’ is the same as saying ‘What is the relationship of ‘I’ with ‘I Am’? It is ‘I’ Itself which is ‘Am’. You see? So, it is not just a relationship. It is the basis of Consciousness, which is Awareness. You see?

So, that’s why…, (and not to take these words literally, because that can be ‘level confusion’), that when we say ‘Awareness is the Father of Consciousness’ it doesn’t mean that it gave birth to a child and now there are two of them. It is ‘I’ Itself which is ‘Am’. You see? ‘I’ is playing as ‘Am’. It is therefore not a relationship, but ‘I’ is the basis Itself of Consciousness. Therefore, Awareness must be the basis of Consciousness; that which Consciousness is made up of.

And you said very rightly that you can hear all these words and all this understanding can be there, the learning can be there, but ultimately it is not this learning which helps you. So as you stay, (as you have been doing very well); keep coming to satsang and surrender everything at the Master’s feet, then these insights become clearer and clearer. And then we go beyond just the learning and understanding mentally of concepts and then it is Seen that this is really an insight: It is ‘I’. ‘I Am’.

So, ‘I’ is the unchanging, then ‘Am’…, then other states where ‘not Am’. I say, for example, that waking, dream and sleep are coming and going within this ‘I’…, which means that this ‘I’ which is the basis for ‘Am’ or ‘not-Am’ plays as ‘Am’. And when it plays as ‘Am’ then there is waking and dream. When the dissolution of this ‘Am’ happens, that is sleep.

So, also in terms of what Maharaj said, again he has spoken various things; all of us have spoken various things. But what can seem confusing about this is called ‘level confusion’. Sometimes it is speaking personally ‘Oh, I like to eat pasta for lunch’. So, obviously it cannot be Awareness which is saying ‘I like to eat pasta for lunch’. It is that ‘Am-ness’, this Beingness, playing with all the conditioning which has a preference for a particular type of lunch. Then we can say that ‘I Am that I Am’…., ‘I Am the space in which all the phenomenon is functioning, working. All of

this is moving through Me in the space of Being’.

So, from this perspective we can say that ‘I just Am’. And this human play is allowed to play in Itself, because there is no individual entity or doer of that. This is what Maharaj was pointing to; and from the perspective of Awareness.

So now, when you say that ‘I can just be Awareness and therefore be unconcerned with the world’ you are talking about something which is separated by levels in the play. Because that which is participating in the world is part of the appearance, part of this realm of Being; this phenomenal play. You see? So, Awareness cannot open or close Its eyes. It is the appearance of this body of Anil that is opening or closing the eyes; it is the appearance of this body/mind of Anil which people will say words or call ‘useless’ or ‘very useful’ or ‘great’ or whatever. But Awareness is not participating in that way; except that It Is this Being Itself, which is everything.

So, when we speak of multiple levels in the same breath, then it can seem like confusion. ‘What do I do?’ is not a question that Awareness is asking. It is not a question that Consciousness is asking. It is a question that Consciousness playing as Anil, who has come to all of this understanding, is saying ‘Now, what do I do with all of this knowledge and my day to day life? How do I integrate these two things?’

So better to drop this. Drop the ‘Anil’. And stay as you have been staying. And then you find that everything is functioning; the body/mind of Anil is functioning along with the rest of the world, just like the leaves are falling from the branches and flying in the wind. Who is controlling them? Nobody we can say in this realm, but actually all of this is a projection in the light of Consciousness alone. So what will happen through Anil’s life, whether the eyes will be open or they will be closed is not something that Awareness is pondering. You see? All the movements that will happen from here will just be another play of the light of Consciousness Itself.

Q:Yes, yes. I capture. I capture, but there are a couple of particular aspects of it. I have not gone out of the house for the last 25 days; not even out of the apartment. I don’t know why; I’m just

not able to go out. You know, even the going out for a walk; I’m not able to go out. I’m living on the 14th floor. I don’t know why I’m not able to go out. I’m just not able to go out. Last time it happened, was maximum for 6 months, I did not go out of the house. My body was too ashamed, there was too much fear. Even the bang of the door will keep my body trembling for 15 minutes. Those were kind of the sensitivities.

So, like this, I mean, what am I supposed to do now? Just accept it as the way that life is coming? Or overcome this stuckness of the mind, and take the plunge or dare? I mean, it is only in the mind. It is only a mind phenomenon. So, what to do?

A:Yeah. What I’m saying is that…, my feeling is that both the surrender and the anxiety will not last; either the surrender will last, or the anxiety will last. You see? My feeling is that the surrender will last. So, until then, just surrender to the grace of Satguru Sri Moojiji and through this body [Anantaji’s] and just don’t make a judgment or a prediction or a conclusion about it. If it is the true surrender, then all that is auspicious will happen. So, the dropping of this doership of ‘What to do next?’ is the surrender itself. So, don’t pin yourself to a particular perspective. Just ‘don’t know’ what the next day will be like, and allow my Master’s grace to flow through you, and everything will just be exactly as it is meant to be.

Q:Thank you, Father. Thank you so much.

A:Very good, very good. [Silence]

I feel it’s been a very beautiful satsang, and if you can drill down on the inquiry like we did today:

I am aware.

Who is this ‘I’ that is aware?

How is it distinct from Awareness itself?

And also I feel that in all the questions and answers that came today, I feel the last one was very useful because many times there can be these things like confusion of levels.

So, sometimes we’re talking about a different aspect, and the mind says ‘But you are Awareness’. Whenever it comes to something personal and we want to look at that, the mind says ‘But you are Awareness. Why are you bothered about this?’ And when we want to look at Awareness and just come to the recognition of who we really are, then the mind brings all personal things.

So, when we are continuing with satsang, we will find that we are able to recognize this trick of the mind, and be able to distinguish between where the question or the pointing is coming from; from which level, then it all dissolves.

It’s very good. Thank you all so much.

Who is Inquiring? Is There One or Two?

Q: Father, who does the inquiry? Is it the ego who does the inquiry?

A:Okay, so shall we start with this as the inquiry question? This is good. Is your question that ‘There is nobody here so nobody can do the inquiry’? Or ‘There are two of me here, and which one does the inquiry?’ Which of the two is it?

Q: Is it the ego who does the inquiry?

A: So, there are two multiple-choice questions. [Chuckles]

First option is that there is nobody here, so there is nobody here to do the inquiry. That is option 1.

Option 2 is that there is something and something else, and one is the ego, (which you’re saying), so which one does it?

Is that your question? Or is it the first one, that there is nobody here?

Q: Father, who of the two is doing the inquiry?

A:Yeah, so who are the two? One is the ego, and second option is…? [Silence] So, besides the ego…?

Q: It is just the ego that…?

A:No, we are just defining the framework right now, which is: If it is ego, or… what else?

Q:[Silence]

A:So, if there’s an option there, that either it can be the ego or it can be something else, let’s first see what is that something else. What else is there besides the ego?

Q: [Silence]

A:Because if there is only ego, then the answer is clear; then it must be the ego which is doing it. But if there is a choice; is it the ego that does the inquiry or is it … what? [Silence] Say something?

Q: Father, if the ego does the inquiry, then the one who understands is also the ego.

A:But I haven’t yet said that the ego does the inquiry. We are just saying what are the options? So one could be ego. Who else could be doing it? [Silence] You feel like there is something else but you’re not able to define it; is that the problem? Or you feel like only ego is there?

Q: Only ego is there.

A:Only ego is there. [Chuckles] Okay. Where is this ego?

Q:[Silence]

A:Only ego is there, but where is it? Which one is the ego? [Silence] What is the existence of the ego? What is the proof of the ego, the evidence of the ego?

Q: Thoughts.

A:Thoughts are there. Okay, so thoughts are ego?

Q:Ego is a thought.

A:Okay, ego is a thought. Then, there is no ego in the space between thoughts? [Silence] Do you also vanish when there is no thought? Do you also vanish along with that?

Q: No.

A:You see? Then there must be something other than ego. [Smiles]

Q:There’s a lot of confusion, Father.

A:Yes, yes. It’s very good; the purpose of this inquiry session is to get rid of all of this confusion. And what you will find is that all our concepts, all our ideas are being asked to get thrown away. So we must be completely open to be free from all the ideas that we might be holding onto.

So, we made a good start. You said that ‘Who does the inquiry?’ Very good question. But you presumed my answer is going to be ‘The ego does it’. Then I said ‘Okay, can we define the options?’ Then you said ‘Oh, if ego does it, then who gets to the understanding? The ego only?’ But I didn’t say ‘The ego does the inquiry’. We just stopped to say ‘What are the other options? Let’s define them first’. You said ‘There’s only ego’. So then I said ‘Okay, there is only ego. Where is it? What is it?’ And you said ‘It is a thought’. So then we said ‘What about when the thought is not there? Do you vanish along with the thought?’ You say ‘No’. Therefore, there must be something to you which is not a thought, isn’t it? What is that? [Silence]

And our understanding which is intellectual will not help us. We just have to check. So, what I’m inviting you to do is to See: thought comes, thought goes. What happens in the space between two thoughts? Who is still here? The ‘I’ which still is here is which one? [Silence] So, what remains?

Q: [Silence]

A:You continue to exist, irrespective of the thought, isn’t it? Yes or no.

Q:Yes, yes.

A:Yes. Okay. This sense of existence is the sense that ‘I Am’. (And if it’s confusing, don’t worry about it). When the thought comes and goes, and in the space between two thoughts, what is it that still continues to exist?

Q: [Silence]

A:And don’t worry about right answer or wrong answer. Whatever you feel is coming from a place of integrity, just say that answer. It’s okay. [Silence] You say ‘I don’t go along with my thoughts. I am still here’. So this is what; that remains is what?

Q: Awareness.

A: This is Awareness.

[Chuckles] That was a quick inquiry. [Laughs] Okay. So if this is Awareness, how did you find this Awareness? What does it look like?

Q: [Silence]

A:So if you said ‘But the body is still here’ then I would say ‘That which is aware of the body, what is that?’ Or if you said ‘The sense that I exist is still here’…, I would say ‘That which is aware of even this sense of existence, what is that?’

Now, you said something which got us straight to the point. You said ‘Awareness’. This is very good. Now, is this an answer you are giving just because you feel it would be the right answer? Or this is your real answer?

Q: Yeah, that is the real answer. That’s how it makes sense.

A:Very good. Okay, okay. So, you say ‘Awareness remains’. Now I say ‘How do you know this?’

Q: Awareness is always there.

A:Always here. Okay. What does it look like?

Q:It’s just Awareness.

A:Just Awareness. What does it mean ‘Just Awareness’? [Silence] If I say that ‘In my garden, roses are always there’. We confirm the presence of the roses because we see them. Now how do you inform the Presence of Awareness?

And don’t give this question to the mind, because it will throw a big tantrum. Just simply; like children, we’re looking at this simple question. We are able to say ‘Oh, Awareness’. And yet, do we see Awareness? Do we perceive it in some way? [Silence] For everything else, we can see the phenomenal presence of that to confirm it is. Isn’t it? But what about this Awareness? [Silence]

Isn’t it amazing actually that we’re able to confirm this Awareness without it being a phenomenal experience?

Or, is it something phenomenal that we are confirming? [Silence] Is this Awareness an object; a thing?

Q: No.

A:No. Is this Awareness like a black space? Or some spatial energy?

Q:It just IS.

A:It just IS.

Now…, somebody asked me during the break, (last two days), ‘Why do you say this ‘Who is aware of Awareness is very important’? Isn’t it enough to say ‘Awareness is here’? I feel it’s a very good question. And the answer is that, it is very important because the mind makes an experience out of Awareness Itself. And it says ‘Oh, yeah, Awareness is aware, it is aware of this. Nothing happens to It’. You see? And there becomes a disassociation between the real ‘I’ and Awareness. Therefore, when we ask this question ‘Who is aware even of this Awareness?’ it brings us straight to the point that it is ‘I’ that is Awareness Itself.

So, this Awareness that you’re reporting…, who is aware of it? [Silence]

Is it a thought? Is it an idea of separation? Is it the body? Who is aware of this Awareness?

Q: [Silence] Awareness Itself.

A:And…, how did Awareness report this to you? What is the communication medium between Awareness and you?

Q: [Silence]

A:Is Awareness sitting somewhere separate from you to come and tell you that ‘Oh, it is Me- Awareness that is aware of Itself’?

Q: It’s here, all the time.

A:Yes. And You are who? So, one thing we’ve established: Awareness is here all the time. Now, You are something that is here all the time? Or you are coming and going?

Q: ‘I’ is coming and going.

A:Ah, okay, so if ‘I’ is coming and going, who is aware of the coming and going of this ‘I’? That which is not moving must be aware of that which is coming and going. Isn’t it?

So, this which is aware of that which you call ‘I’ is coming and going, that is not You? Is it not You?

Q: [Silence]

A:So, between the ‘I’ which is coming and going, and the Awareness which is aware of it, which one are You?

Q: Father, I don’t know.

A:No, don’t give up now. [Chuckles] We are at a very good place. You said that ‘This Awareness is constantly here. Yet, the ‘I’ seems to be coming and going’. But you know the coming and going of this. Therefore, there must be ‘I’ which is prior to this ‘coming-and-going- I’…, which is aware of the comings and goings of all other sense of identity. Isn’t it?

Q: Hmm. Yeah.

A:So, you said ‘Awareness is not going anywhere’. You must be here to confirm this. Only That which Itself is not going anywhere can confirm that something else is not going anywhere.

You with me? The words are getting too confusing?

Q: No. It’s okay.

A:It cannot be that something which is coming and going can confirm the existence of That which always Is.

Only That Which Always Is… can confirm the existence of That Which Always Is.

You see, a visitor to my house cannot tell me that somebody is always sitting in my house. But that one should always be here to confirm that this one is always here. Isn’t it?

So that which confirms Awareness is not coming and going, which is always here…, is which one? Is it not You? Is it somebody who told you this?

Q:I’m confused between the two, actually.

A:Okay, which of these two now?

Q:Awareness, and the one which keeps coming and going.

A:Ah. Now the one that keeps coming and going, which one is that one? What does it feel like? What does it appear like? How does it come, how does it go? [Silence] Can this ‘I’ go now and show me how it goes? If it is ‘I’ then can you go; and show me; how does it go? [Silence] Here you are. You cannot leave Yourself. [Chuckles] So, this ‘coming-and-going-I’ is which one?

Q: [Silence]

A:Do you mean that which goes to sleep and wakes up? Is that it?

Q:[Sighs]

A:Which is the ‘I’ which is coming and going? Is it the ‘I’ which is just an idea where we started; thought coming and going, emotions coming and going, body changing, coming and going, outside appearances coming and going? Ultimately even the sense ‘I Am’ coming and going? So, which is the ‘I’ in all of that? Or is it something else which is coming and going?

Q: I’m stuck, Father.

A:Even logically, it must be seen now that I must be the one that is being able to report that even the sense of existence comes and goes. I wake up, I go to sleep. The One that is aware of all of this is neither sleeping nor waking. So all that is coming and going is an appearance; is subject to what is called maya. The coming and going of appearances is all a play of maya. Can that come and go?

You say ‘Awareness does not come and go’. For you to be able to report that Awareness does not come and go, you must be the same as this Awareness. Because if that one which is reporting

‘Awareness does not come and go’ itself comes and goes, then how can it ever confirm that Awareness doesn’t come and go?

Q: [Silence]

A:So, see if you can separate yourself from this Awareness. Keep Awareness separate from you and show me.

Q: [Silence] No, it can’t be separated.

A:Can’t be separated. So that which cannot be separated from you is unchanging just like You. There is no distance between You and Awareness. There is nowhere where Awareness is where You are not; and nowhere where You are but Awareness is not. Then what are You finding Yourself to be?

Q: Awareness.

A: Awareness Itself. [Chuckles]

Now, without presuming that You are something other than this Awareness, can you have any trouble? [Silence] You’re Seeing Yourself to be This Awareness. Now to pretend to be the one that has trouble and suffering, problems. Don’t you have to now work and believe some thoughts, pick up some identity to do that?

Q: Hmmm. Yeah.

A:Yeah. You see? So naturally, effortlessly, You Are This Awareness. To be the one that has suffering is effort.

Q:The world is the other way around.

A:That is the way of the world. You see? It’s an upside-down world. Because the habit has become so strong for us to pretend and presume as if we are people, that’s why it seems like this inquiry is effort but being a person is effortless. That’s what it feels like. But as you come into the inquiry, you see that this Awareness is effortless. I’m not trying to be aware, I’m not increasing or decreasing awareness; Awareness just IS. I cannot turn it off, I cannot make it brighter. It just IS. It is not coming and going.

These are all your words, actually. So, That which just IS, is effortless. But because our habit is to pretend, to presume ourself to be a person, that’s why that seems like it is effortless. And yet, all of us are tired, isn’t it? They say ‘Being a person is effortless. Being a person is effortless’. And yet, everybody is tired. So it cannot be effortless. It is actually full of effort.

And as we are coming to the natural state of effortlessness, of simplicity, of innocence, this effort is being dropped. Then there will come a point where you would say ‘The body feels tired, I’m even running out of attention’ but you cannot say that ‘What I truly Am is tired’. Because it is effortless to be aware. It IS what I Am…, even before I Am.

Otherwise what would happen? If it was true that to be Awareness is effort-ful and to be the person is effortless then every time you met a sage, they would be the most effort-ful, tired people around you. ‘Don’t disturb me, I’m trying to be Awareness. Don’t talk to me, I’m trying to be Awareness’. They would be so tired. Isn’t it? So, if the effort was in trying to be Awareness, then they would be the most tired. ‘I’m just being Awareness’. That is the mind’s version of freedom, that we must always be in that state of attention; fixed on Awareness or something like that. That is not what we are talking about. We’re saying ‘What is it that you effortlessly Are?’ If you forget about everything, if you stop understanding what your thoughts are saying, will you be unaware?

Q: No.

A:You see? But if you didn’t understand a single thought, can you be a person?

Q:No.

A:So it must take effort to pretend to be a person, but not effort to be the Self.

Q:Hmm.

A:Now what happens is that initially, because we are addicted to consuming our thoughts, it can seem like it takes some effort to stop consuming all of these thoughts. And if it is feeling like effort, my position always is to make that effort.

Because, if coming to effortlessness feels like effort…., then we must make that effort.

Actually, it is the dropping of effort, (which the mind is saying actually is very effort-full); but actually it is coming to the dropping of all sense of effort.

[Silence]

A:Okay. So, now we did the inquiry together and you saw that Awareness is here and ‘I am This Awareness’. Now, so if you did the inquiry, then you must answer the question ‘Who did the inquiry? [Chuckles]

Q: [Smiling, Giggling]

A:Ah, and who’s understanding is it? Does this belong to a thought? Does it belong to an imagined entity?

Q: [Silence]

A:How can something, which doesn’t exist…, something that we cannot find…, how can that non-existent one do something?

[Silence]

A:It cannot. Isn’t it? Okay, just imagine. Imagine, any idea of a person; imagine it in your head. Give him or her some attributes. Imagine. Put all your imagination into it. Now, ask this one to give you a glass of water. Can he or she do it?

You say ‘Ananta, what kind of question is that? If it’s just imagined, how can it do something?’ [Chuckles] That’s what I’m saying. [Smiling]

If the ego cannot be found, if it’s just imagined, how can it do something?

[Silence]

Therefore then, who is the doer? The doer is that which my Master calls the dynamic aspect of the Self; the dynamic aspect of this Awareness, which is Consciousness Itself. Therefore it is One Awareness exhibiting itself, qualitatively, as if it is Consciousness or Presence.

This is the Shiva and Parvati, the attribute-less Shiva, the Pure Consciousness, the sense ‘I Am’ which is represented in other cultures, like far Eastern cultures, as the Yin and Yang; the manifest and un-manifest together in this constant play. So, the Yin and Yang are One. Isn’t it? Exhibiting themselves as Yin and Yang. But it is one circle, one whole. You see?

Although, the doer ultimately is also Awareness. Is it Awareness exhibiting itself to be this dynamic form, that which we call Consciousness. All which is phenomenal, all which is appearing, is a play of Consciousness on the screen of Consciousness Itself.

You see? Why do we say this? Because all of this happens when the light of ‘I Am’ is there. Without the sense that ‘I Am’ there is never the experience of the world. Have you experienced the world without You being there?

Q: No.

A: Now, any confusion?

Q: Father, the confusion still remains.

A: I see.

Q:Still, I can’t say whether it’s the ego who understands the inquiry or is it the Self.

A:Okay. Now this ego…, for the ego to understand something, it must exist. Isn’t it?

Q:Yes.

A:Can it demand or do something? The non-existent cannot. Clear? Or no? Just like when we said ‘Can we imagine this one?’

Q: Yes, yes.

A:Okay. So, is the ego existing right now? Can you show me?

Q:No.

A:Has anyone found the existence of this ego? [Silence] If we cannot even find the one that we call the ego, (because it’s just a presumed idea; it has no existence), then how can that one understand something? If it is not even here, if you cannot even find it, then how can it be you? It’s just an idea of you, isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A:So, an idea of you cannot do anything and cannot understand anything. It’s just an idea. Okay. Tell me one of your favorite ideas. Any favorite idea which you keep, which you believe in often.

Q: I am bliss.

A: ‘I am bliss’ is your favorite idea. Okay. Now, ask bliss to do the inquiry. [Chuckles] Hmm?

So, just like that, just in the same way, ‘I am Prachi’ [her name] is a favorite idea. You see? Now this idea cannot do anything. This Prachi is just an idea. [Silence] You See? It’s an idea. Isn’t it?

Q: Yes, it is.

A:Yes. So now, how can it be that an idea could do something? [Smiling]

Q:[Silence, Smiling]

This Inquiry Removes the Dichotomy Between ‘Awareness’ and ‘I’

Welcome to the exploration of who we are that we do every day. Actually, I feel for most of you, you can’t get over the shock that you are no-thing. [Chuckles] Or the fear that it might actually be true that you are no-thing. And the mind always says that ‘This no-thing is so boring or terrible, what’s the point?’ But this no-thing is not the absence of phenomena. In the worldly sense the absence of phenomena means there’s nothing, isn’t it? This no-thing is the potential for all phenomena to happen but it’s much more than just the potential for phenomena.

Don’t worry about it; we’re not just using fancy words. I’m just trying to tell you that there’s a difference between the worldly understanding on nothing; and that’s why I say ‘no-thing’. It’s not an accent issue. [Chuckles] There’s a difference between the worldly sense of nothing and that Awareness, the non-phenomenal no-thing. Because it is this non-phenomenal no-thing, Awareness, which holds the potential for all phenomena. You see? The worldly nothing doesn’t have any potential, doesn’t have anything; it’s literally nothing. So, this is an important difference.

What you are discovering about yourself is not the ‘Big Bang’. What was there prior to the ‘Big Bang’? Must have been the potential for the ‘Big Bang’, isn’t it? So, is that nothing? Or something? …, (although it is no-thing). It is still That which is, in the phenomenal sense, full of this potential; and yet not limited to this potential to become something. Because if it was just this potential to become something then, once it became something, there would be literally nothing left. And yet, you remain untouched. I wonder if this makes any sense. So, if you were just the potential to become something, then once you became something, then literally there would be no Awareness left. But Awareness remains untouched, you see. That is why it is the unlimited.

And this, although to the mind it sounds like very boring, torturous words, the reality of what You Are is very beautiful to discover because you remain untouched through all of this phenomenal play. And this is what we’re discovering, very simply.

It doesn’t matter for some time if you’re not sharing in this way about what you’re discovering; the words are not coming in any way about what you’re discovering. But it is not about the expression of the discovery, but actually the discovery itself. So we are coming to this simple discovery:

I am Aware Now.

I am aware of this Awareness.

What does this ‘I’ look like?

Don’t go to knowledge for the answer, go to your Looking.

You that knows that You are aware, what does this You look like?

The ‘I’ that knows Awareness, what does this ‘I’ look like?

Again, don’t go to memory, past, concepts, intelligence for the answer; stay with your Looking. In fact, I don’t want any answer. Just Look.

Do you have a weight? Do you have a size? Do you have any attributes? Do you have a shape? Do you have a color? Do you have a past? Will you have a future?

[Silence]

‘Who is aware of Awareness?’ is a very important inquiry, because it removes the dichotomy between ‘Awareness’ and ‘I’ which the mind tries to create.

[Silence]

If you know nothing, what remains? Is your existence dependent on knowing something? If you drop all concepts…, what is here now?

[Silence]

Observe that some thoughts will come, to distract you or to give you an answer. And the problem really is not these thoughts coming; because they are going. Now it is more important to notice the urge to believe them. Today, don’t even try to not believe them; just notice the urge to believe them. Just watching…, as thoughts come and go, our attention goes to them. Notice the urge to accept what they are saying. Observe how the mind will try to make conclusions that ‘No thoughts are coming’…, which itself is a thought.

[Silence]

What remains when you are empty of concepts?

[Silence]

Who is aware of that which is heard through the ears?

Who is aware of that which is seen through the eyes?

Is it the same Awareness which is aware of hearing and sight; as that which is aware of touch and taste?

[Silence]

That which is aware even of the sense of Presence, the primordial sense that ‘I exist’. ‘I Am’.

I’m Aware, But Am I Aware of This Awareness?

A:Okay, I will read the question you asked first ‘Sorry, Father, what do you mean by the expression of the discovery?’

Just meant, (for those who had this recognition of who they are), they might have different way of expressing it, because no expression actually can explain what they have discovered is. Isn’t it? Just like that old example of ‘You cannot explain love to one who have not experienced love’.

Q:Yeah. That part I got it now. Because right now I’m…, what I can see is…, there is even when now this meditation or inquiry what was going on, I couldn’t sit in silence, Father. Somehow that part is not my cup of tea; I feel something like that; if it has to happen it happens. I am not denying that. But when you are doing the inquiry…, if I have to sit, I can’t sit for long. I don’t know; somehow that doesn’t work for me here.

So, even though there is (what to say) neutrality here now at the moment, I am not identified or carried away with thoughts, believing the thoughts; all those things are gone. Even experiences don’t matter, there is no past or future, no present. Everything is gone, there is nothing. There is absolutely nothing now.

Actually I don’t know what I want to say but I want to say something.

A:If all identification is gone or most identification is gone and nothing really seems to stick anymore, then it doesn’t sound like any trouble can be there.

Q:No, it’s absolutely okay. I am fine. Even if something comes up, it’s okay; it doesn’t really bother, you know?

What I want to ask was…, (I don’t remember actually. No seriously father I wanted to ask something which…, what is…? (I kind of forgot I don’t remember now what I was thinking. Oh my god, I don’t remember.)

Maybe something…, maybe…, Is it okay that I am not able to…, I mean I am like…, I am not aware, like, I don’t know if I am aware of the awareness… Yeah, I got it now.

I don’t know if am aware of the awareness, at the same time I am aware that I’m not; what I am not.

A: This is very good. Just pause here. This much is enough to start with.

It’s actually very simple what we say actually. When we say ‘I am walking’ we know what is walking. When we say ‘I am running’ we know what is running. When I am tasting we know

what is tasting. And also at the realm of emotions we know when there is sadness coming we say ‘I know there is sadness’. You see.

Now ‘I am aware’…, how do we know this? What do we know it as? Because everything else that we say, we know what it is. Now what is this awareness?

Q: It’s just awareness; before the words.

A:Just like there’s the sense ‘I am aware of walking’ there is also the sense of ‘I am aware of awareness’. The only difference being, walking is phenomenal activity and awareness is prior to all phenomena. Otherwise we would be not able to say ‘I am aware’ if were not aware of awareness. How would we say ‘I am aware’?

The trouble is that you don’t see something phenomenally. And because we don’t see something phenomenally the mind comes and says’ I don’t know if I am aware or not’. Then how can you say ‘I am aware’?

Q:No, no, what I meant is, (sorry) I am aware but I don’t know if I am aware of awareness. That’s what I am saying.

A:‘That’s what I am saying’. Okay, this is very good. I am happy to speak about this. So if you are not aware of awareness, how can you say ‘I am aware’?

Q: That’s very subtle.

A:Yeah, it’s very subtle; subtler than the mind.

Q:Exactly

A:How can you say ‘I am aware’. Why don’t you say ‘I am not aware’?

Q:Oh, my god, it makes so much sense, Father. It makes total sense what you are saying. Oh, my god. It’s just that, oh…, I was like, oh, it’s like…, I get what you are saying, yeah. It’s just that. Yeah. It’s simple as that. Yeah, yeah. It’s hidden there only, actually.

A: Yes. Hidden in plain sight.

Q:Exactly which was overlooked. When I say ‘I am not aware of awareness’…, I am aware of awareness otherwise why would I say that? Oh, goodness gracious, I was caught. I felt like I was trapped, Father, because it is so subtle. This is very subtle.

A: Yes. Yet now, as you are recognizing this, it will seem like it is the most obvious. Isn’t it?

Q:It is! And I was thinking I have to…, it’s like the mind was like…, ‘oh, my goodness’. It’s making me believe that; because that was the last thing I think. Oh, my god, it was like making me…, ‘One day you will be aware of awareness’. And it’s still saying ‘Have you got it right?’ [Laughs] These are very subtle traps I think, Father; as it cannot be seen.

A:I feel it’s very, very good to come to this point because it is very direct. It leaves no room for the mind to maneuver. There is no scope for the mind to actually contribute much to this except to express its frustration out and things like this. So when we come here and say ‘Who is this that says I am aware? I’m not sure if I am aware of this awareness’. Then how do we say ‘I am aware’? Why don’t we say ‘I am not aware’?

What gives us the ability to say ‘aware’ in the first place? What is this ‘aware’? This ‘aware’ is your only non-phenomenal experience. Everything else is tasted phenomenally. Even your Being is experienced; primordial phenomena it might be, but still phenomenal. But even now you cannot say what you saw.

Q: No, no.

A: And yet it seemed so obvious.

Q:It is. I mean, in fact I was all the time…, and I believed that I was not…,

A:Yeah, it is like that. [Chuckles]

Q:…which is not something phenomenal actually. That’s why…, (Oh. Probably I don’t know how to tell that). Yeah, and it kind of brought some fear sensations in my heart after this, and I could see that somehow I don’t know what it is. So, this leaves no room for anything. It’s like kind of the end; something like that. I mean the end to the mind; not to the awareness or the seeking part.

A:End to the mind, end to the belief in the mind and end to the identification the mind.

Q:Oh, I totally needed this, Father! Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

A:Thank you, my dear. I like it very much when you can come and say ‘But I’m not aware of Awareness. What do you mean that I’m aware?’ Then we just look at it and say ‘Why do we say ‘I am aware?’

So her question is actually very beautiful. She said ‘I am aware, but I don’t know whether I’m aware of this Awareness’. She says ‘I am aware. Yes, Yes. Of course. I am aware. But I don’t know whether I’m aware of this Awareness’. But in saying ‘I am aware’ in itself, we are saying ‘I am aware of this Awareness’…, which is ‘Awareness is aware of Itself’.

That is why I feel that ‘Who is aware of this Awareness?’ removes this dichotomy between ‘Awareness’ and ‘I’.

Because from many years in satsang, I’ve seen that the recognition of Awareness seems to become in relation to an ‘I’ which is not Awareness, and then we refer to it as ‘It’. ‘Nothing happened to ‘It’ but I am suffering’. Nothing happened to ‘It’ but I am suffering, you see? Or ‘Nothing is happening to ‘It’ but I have fear or I have …, something’.

Now what is the cause of this dichotomy? The cause of this dichotomy is that Awareness has also been taken as an experience by the mind and it says ‘It is over there, and you are over here’.

So, when we ask the question ‘Who is aware of Awareness?’ it unifies this sense of ‘I’ and ‘Awareness’.

This is the ‘I’ that remains. As Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] says ‘I removes the I, and yet remains the I’. This is the ‘I’ that remains.

Just Keep Self-Discovery as Primary

Q:In the last few weeks I’ve been dealing with more, I guess, mundane issues than what was discussed prior with you.

A: [Laughter]

Q:So relating to relationships, it seems to be a very good satsang, [Laughter] bringing out all the skeletons from the closet or what not. Various sages have had different approaches and I’m wondering what is your guidance here?

I heard…, (I think it was actually with another devotee that you talked about it pretty recently), and what I got from it was just to surrender it all at the feet of the Master which I’m not sure exactly, in a very pragmatic level, what does that mean ? [Laughter]

So specifically, I’ve heard Mooji say many times ‘Just focus on establishing yourself as the Self or stay as the Self’…, which seems to be working. But then sometimes I get into that loophole of…, or into that corner of being a spiritual jerk. And sometimes that’s not even observed and it’s only in the hindsight that I become aware of that.

And I know Adya [Adyashanti] has this approach where he says dive into the specific thoughts and feelings in a certain conditioning that we have and really get to the bottom of it; both in the mind and the feeling level, which I really appreciate. The problem I found was that it becomes more of a heady process. When I journal and write, there is a lot of clarity that comes on the one hand; but then it doesn’t go away. [Laughter] That pattern keeps coming back.

The other problem I see, which is even more problematic…, it’s the 1-2 punch that you talk about, is that once I start dealing with these things, then I start identifying with this; like all of a sudden I’m not identifying as the Awareness but rather as this far-from-perfect personality which I’m obviously not perfect and will never be, but it just gets more into that…, I don’t know.

A:Let’s pause here to make sure that I’m understanding where you are so far. So you say the root of some trouble seems to be relationship. And then the various approaches which you’re trying to use to not be the spiritual jerk, or to take the stress and trouble out of this relationship; you’re trying to journal or you’re trying to remain as the Self…., you’re presumably trying not to believe your thoughts. And all of these strategies you feel are not really helping as much as they should. Is that what you’re basically saying so far?

Q:Yeah. Sort of, like the approach I feel of remaining as the Self or not buying your next thought seems to hold water up to a certain level. The problem is, in a relationship at least, you get the feedback which is pretty immediate and if you’re causing a problem…

A: Let’s take an example.

Q:It can be very mundane things. Sometimes I don’t even understand what’s triggering, but obviously something she said triggered in me and I’m feeling pissed off. And sometimes it comes over like a dark cloud that I’m not even clear what…, like it was nothing if you look objectively at what happened and the sequence of events. But it doesn’t really matter, you know; it’s just a feeling and it comes up and there’s this dark cloud. And then I can say ‘Well, I’m aware of this but it doesn’t matter, I’m still acting out that dark cloud’. And so she sees that and she’s…, it triggers all of her stuff going on, you know. So, it becomes this kind of ping-pong of identification and it’s not getting anywhere. So if I just try to stay as a I am and let that cloud go by itself, (if I was alone it wouldn’t be a problem, but in the context of being with someone that’s a little bit more problematic), it feels sometimes as spiritual bypassing or whatever, to kind of ‘Advaita it away’.

A: Advaita denial.

Q:Yeah, yeah. I have an angry face but I’m not really angry or whatever. [Laughter]

A:[Laughter] The angry face is just an appearance.

Q:[Laughter] Yeah, it’s just the conditioning; it’s not me.

A:[Laughter]

Q:And when I start diving more into that specific whatever pattern, and the recommendation that Adya talks about, I’m probably not doing it right because…, or maybe it’s more like weeding and it’s more of a recurring thing, and it doesn’t go off at once. And I know Rupert [Spira] talks about not dealing with any specific conditioning but just, you know, he has his approach of doing more yoga meditations or what-not, anyways.

A:Ok, so let’s look at this. This is very good. A few points can come up in response to this. First is that you reminded me that somebody said that ‘There is 100% record for finding relationships’. [Laughter] I didn’t know this is what is happening in satsang. [Laughter] Yours is not, (presumably you didn’t find your partner in our satsang), but the numbers of who are finding partners are increasing presumably. [Laughter]

Second and more important, and the real point is, that none of these things, (whether you follow Guruji, [Moojiji], you follow me, you follow Adya, Rupert, anyone), none of these things will really, really work if there is a ‘person’ there trying to make his or her life better by using a particular technique.

So, what happens is that the seeker guy or the checker guy is saying ‘But I am doing [it]. I am writing down the sticky-velcro thoughts as Adya would say, or I am not believing my thoughts or trying not to believe my thoughts’ as Ananta would say, or whatever…,‘I’m abiding in the

Self as Bhagavan would say; but is it really helping me’. So, if the core intent remains this one, that we want to help this ‘me’, then we’re taking the position of the cat who is trying to look for his next bowl of milk, using spirituality and all spiritual offerings, all of these variety of bowls. It’s trying all of those and it’s saying ‘Yeah, this helps me a little, this doesn’t really, maybe I’m not doing it right, I’m not following it enough. Something, you see?

Now, what we must investigate is this one, to see whether this one has any validity at all. Because none of these…, especially the teachers that you mentioned, aren’t there to cater to this one. [Laughter]. So, many of the other so-called self-help groups, or relationship advisors and things, maybe can intervene and help the relationship. But what we’re talking about is not really to help you in this way; in this way in which it brings better relationship, it brings more peace, more joy. All of these could be very nice by-products to have, but it is not the core of what the pointing is.

The core of the pointing is to fulfill your urge for self-discovery. And all of these tools are helpful to get there. But if the barometer remains ‘How am I doing in my relationship, how is my partner responding?’ and things like this, then you’ll find that you’re not making progress. Because the same ego that operates in me, operates in the partner also. So, if you’re expecting the feedback from that one to change and improve, because of some spiritual techniques that I am trying, then that is falling into another trap, which is also a mental trap.

So first we must clarify our intention. And what is our intention? Is it to have…, is it primarily to have better relationships, peace and love in our life? Or is it primarily that our urge for self- discovery has become so strong that we cannot avoid but focus on that?

Q:The primary urge for sure is self-discovery. This relationship just seems to be an unfolding as part of this play. I mean, it wasn’t planned on neither of our ends.

A:So, then let’s see. The ‘me’ that wants to have better relationship, do we want to continue to cater to that one? Or can our urge for self-discovery continue irrespective in what is happening in the life of this one?

Q: The latter, for sure.

A:Yes, this is very good. Because, otherwise, what can happen, (it could be relationship, or money, or work issues, or health of the body issues), is that we get side-tracked in some way, and we keep expecting that that should become better as a barometer for how am I doing spiritually. So that is one.

Second is…, (I kept saying very often here, maybe also to you, and mostly to others, which is), that this one that is checking is really…, it comes a point where this one is the most dominant aspect of the seeker. The one that is checking and reporting on spiritual progress is what the seeker relies on for sustenance for very, very long. So, if you just keep this one aside and say

‘I’m not really that concerned at the moment even about how is it playing out in the relationship. I’m not so concerned about how my checker is defining my spiritual progress. I’m not concerned about any of this stuff. What is it that I am recognizing myself to be?’

The mind will resist this question. ‘Oh, I know this’. [Laughter] But it’s good to just bring ourselves back and say ‘Am I aware now?’ or ‘Who am I?’ or ‘Who is aware of this awareness?’…, just to check like this and to see that I’ve only been this Awareness, untouched by any of this play. And from here, from this place of emptiness, if you take what Guruji says to be the Self, and the Self alone; to remain in this emptiness, or to not believe the next thought, it’s all the same thing. The starting point must be this emptiness. The starting point cannot be the seeker, or the checker, or relationship guy. Otherwise it becomes personal and we feel our spiritual practice (or something) should give us something personally and that the by product should become the core.

Q:So when you say ‘starting point’, you mean the starting point to the inquiry specifically for the situation at hand?

A:Yes. The starting point to the inquiry, or the starting point to just the moment when this awareness came that ‘I seem to be getting in these personal thoughts again’. The starting point to the moment of insight has to start with coming to this space of emptiness, and to see that ‘The only way the pretense of personhood can now continue is if I believe my next thought’…, and so we are allowing them to just come and go.

It’s important to see what is the background…, the backdrop of the inquiry. The backdrop of the inquiry. Because the inquiry itself, (which could help to clean up), is this emptiness. And anything that we take on with the backdrop of anything which is personal, then that will become just like a personal endeavor; like most things in the world. And it’s like going to a salsa class or something, because basically you’re taking the backdrop of being a person who wants to improve his skills in something. So it’s like going to a relationship management class, or an anger management class, or something like this, where the presumption is that you are a person and you need to become better at relationship.

Here what we’re saying is that the context must now become this emptiness. And the play should become ‘What are the buttons which get pressed to make me pretend to be a person again?’ So from here, whether you follow Adya’s advice to write down those sticky thoughts, or you follow me saying not believing the next thought, or you follow whatever the sages said; then really no trouble. But if you keep the person around and say ‘Is this really helping? It’s not really going away’ then that itself shows that the context was wrong.

Q:So, if I hear you right, it means I have to establish myself as what you truly are…, before I even decide whether I want to explore with any one of those pointings…, some (let’s call it) contraction, or some pattern that seems to be arising.

A:Yes, that is right. And for the mind it might seem counter-intuitive in some sense, because it says but ‘Then how do I come to this emptiness?’ So, therefore I can give this pointing only to those who had the recognition of what they are.

For those who have not had the recognition of what they are, I cannot really say ‘Okay, you must start with that emptiness’. But for you and the others who have been in satsang for so long, I have to say that whatever brings you to this emptiness, the seeing of yourself as no-thing, start from that perspective; and you’ll find then that these personal pointings which are not really meant for that will drop, will not be so strong.

Q:And what’s the…? So, the second part you said, (as far as I heard), was not to let the person or the mind be the barometer of whether this is helping in any way, shape or form.

A:Exactly. Because you might say tomorrow that ‘Ananta, I followed what you said and my relationship is even worse today than it was yesterday!’ [Laughter]. So, I take no guarantees on about how it works out. [Laughter] But usually our stance is in the personhood.

You’ll find that, in most situations, you’ll find more peace comes and the spiritual jerkiness will also start to drop more and more. Usually. [Laughter].

Q:Practically speaking, if there’s a hot, let’s say, situation at hand, like sort of a strong conditioning comes up…, what would be kind of the best…? And this is still a ‘person’ kind of question, I see now…

A:It’s okay, it’s okay, this question. So, two things can happen in these situations. One is that we operate fully from conditioning. There is no awareness of what is going on, it’s just ‘The situation is just happening. So, that just happened’. It’s best not to pick up guilt about that. You see, the 1-2 punch; if it was like that.

If there is a moment of insight that comes even in a strong situation like this, some have reported that in the middle of a strong situation, suddenly some insight came and both of us started laughing. So, it can come like that. In the moment, if an insight comes, then you can apply any of the techniques. ‘Who is it I am taking myself to be right now? Or ‘Am I believing my thoughts? Don’t believe your next thought’. But that depends whether that moment of clarity came in the midst of strong situations or not. Many times it doesn’t come; and in those times it is best not to pick up guilt and say ‘I should not have believed my thoughts’ and things. Because there was no space there at all, that insight did not come in that situation at all, and the guilt actually makes it worse.

Q: Is there like a litmus test of when I am behaving like a spiritual jerk?

A; [Laughter] The litmus test is just that when you ask yourself something like ‘What was it for, when I said blah, blah, blah? What was it for?’ Was it really trying to be helpful in that situation

or was it trying to be special? Or to be seen as somebody spiritually evolved in that situation? Was it a game of one-upmanship? And you know this when you just check, you know this; what this was for, one-upmanship or what was this really about.

No need to delve too much into that. I feel that life will show us anyway. Life showed me here very often [Laughter] that I was being a spiritual jerk many times. Don’t have to worry too much about that. You’re dropping all identity now; then even the spiritual jerk identity will be dropped along with that.

So, let these come as insights. Don’t make it your primary project to get rid of the spiritual jerk. The primary project is still self-discovery and letting go of the false conditioning. The by- products of all of this are better relationships, the dropping of spiritual jerk; all of these are the by-products that will happen on their own, organically. So, don’t change your sights from this self-discovery to not being a jerk or having a better relationship.

Q: Thank you!

Awareness is Not the Same as Attention

I feel actually, as a sangha, we’re coming to a very beautiful place, because the kind of explorations we’re having, the type of contemplations we’re having are very, very direct; very profound. And we’re coming to a very direct Seeing, direct discovery of the Self and truly exploring topics which are not so much heard about. We’re not just scratching the surface anymore, but coming to the unity of this Seeing.

We’ve been looking at even things like…, when Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] says the ‘I’ remains and everything comes and goes. How is this ‘I’ the truth of what I Am, the Absolute. This Awareness is also called the Self on this path. How could it be ‘the Self’ unless it was ‘I’? Self means I. This Awareness which is aware of Itself is ‘I’.

We’ve also looked at the difference between the worldly sense of nothing verses this no-thing that we are discovering ourself to be; which has the full potentiality of all things, and yet its Infiniteness is not touched even when its potential is expressed in actual form. Now we’re exploring more and looking at whether as a result of this potential expressing itself as phenomena, there is actually any duality that emerges. Or is it only the singularity?

It’s a very, very beautiful exploration, with its harbingers. So let’s offer up these explorations at the feet of the Master. It is for him to provide the words to express these things which have been called inexpressible actually in the past. So, let’s see if some pointers can emerge which can throw some light even on these concept-less findings of contemplations.

For some of you who are new to satsang, some of this must be sounding completely abstract or intellectual or mental. Don’t worry about it. Soon, as you come more and more into the Seeing of what you are, then these worlds will also sound very basic and straight-forward. Because the point here is not to exercise our knowledge or our intellect but to see what pointers can actually be useful aids to our looking, to our discovery of who we are.

I can offer you a question to start with; to start today’s inquiry:

What is here now in the seeming-phenomenal realm which is the most like Awareness?

What is here now in this phenomenal realm that seems like it is the most like Awareness?

And what do we mean by ‘most like Awareness’? The attribute-less; it has no flavor, it has no attributes, has no color, has not feeling. Can we find something in this realm which resembles that? And it is very, very primal to us. Just simply Look. [Silence] That which is so much like Awareness that even to say ‘the Presence of…’ it doesn’t have. That is transparent; it’s Seen.

When you find, you can type it out in the chats [or say].

Q:For me, it is like pure Witnessing.

A:Witnessing.

Q:Am-ness or Beingness.

A:You can say that. But in the exploration today, I want to emphasize the attention which is very much related to what Vedika was saying. [Witnessing] This attention…, we can truly explore: What is this attention? Does it have a taste? Does it have a color? Can we find the boundaries, (although it does seem to be bound)?

So, this attention is almost as if Awareness playing in a phenomenal way through our attention. Why do we say ‘attention’ and not ‘Awareness Itself’? Because if it is so much similar, then why do we say ‘attention’ and not ‘Awareness Itself’?

It’s very subtle, so I’m going to make a few points, and hopefully it will come together some way. [Chuckles]

Q: Attention is directed towards objects…, Awareness is not.

A:Yes. It seems to be specifically directed. And the fact that attention appears to be specifically directed also implies then that it is limited. Because if it needs to be specifically directed or it is specific in what it is conveying, or bringing the content that is being brought, that means that it is not (by default) everywhere at once. So, as opposed to what is unchanging, in this way…, and is all there is. At the background of all of this, this play of Awareness in the phenomenal realm, playing as attention, seems more like it is limited.

So, we’ve been doing experiments over the years where we said that ‘We cannot bring our attention and be with that completely and be with an external seeing, through sight; one of them starts to blur as our focus changes. That itself shows us that attention plays in this way. Whereas Awareness remains untouched through all of this.

So, what is dependent on this attention? (I know it’s sounding a bit like a class, but it’s a bit important because there’s some questions about this.) What is dependent on this attention is our phenomenal perceiving. Because there is no phenomenal perceiving without our attention. So therefore, we can say that it depends or not on whether phenomenal perceiving is present or absent. But we cannot say that about Awareness.

This is a very important but subtle point, which is that depending on the presence or absence of attention, there is phenomenal perceiving or not. You see? But we can never say that there is Awareness or not; because even to say ‘There is phenomenal perceiving’ there is an awareness of it. So, that is why we say that it is the phenomenal perceiving which belongs to Beingness, and attention is reporting back to Being. Although it seems as intimate to Awareness actually. At one point, I used to call them ‘the twins’ [Chuckles] because it is phenomenally impossible to

distinguish between the birth of Being and attention. I was saying the other day that some also use [the terms] synonymously.

But it’s very good to look at it this way to See that this which we call the phenomenal perceiving is dependent on this primal force called attention. Therefore, that phenomenal seeing is different from Awareness. The phenomenal seeing is different from Awareness in the very nature of limitedness on this force called attention, whereas Awareness is unlimited by any constraint of any sort.

So, seeming-distinguishing. Now let’s see if we can pull it back together to show that ultimately this is one. (We’re just having some fun; I know it’s sounding very serious.) [Chuckles]

Q:Father, one point. If attention is synonymous with the Being, then how in the explanation of the Self-Inquiry we bring our attention on the Source of myself?

A:That’s what I was saying. You were saying the other day that many are saying that the being conscious or bringing attention to something is the same thing. So, I like to distinguish between the two so that it’s clear. Like that…

So, now we’ve voted out, in a sense…, (and I don’t know how many of you are with me. I hope some of you are)…, that to see that the phenomenal perceiving seems dependent on the force called attention. And yet, the Awareness, which is the back-drop of all of this, is independent of this attention. This is important to See.

Now, what is the point of this discussion is not to inject duality into Advaita. It’s not that. But to see that for Awareness to experience itself in this dynamic way…, it’s almost as if this hand was Awareness, and the hand wants to experience the hand, then a finger must arise from the hand for the finger to be able to experience the rest of itself, in a dynamic way.

So, what happens is that, within this Awareness itself, the primordial phenomenon called Beingness takes birth. And yet it is only made up of this Awareness. In sleep state, then only Awareness is. So, if only Awareness is, even this Being has been made up of only that. And yet, to experience itself in a dynamic way, this Being is created…, and this Being can then be said to be the Witness of all that is phenomenally playing out. This Awareness is aware even of this. This phenomenal Witnessing is only subject to our attention; whereas Awareness is not subject to even attention.

So, when we say that we bring our attention back home, or to the Source, we are actually bringing it to the point where the distinction between the manifest and the un-manifest starts to dissolve, to the point where the yin and the yang, they meet; where the intersection of Awareness and Being meet and are Seen to be One.

Why it is important to make these points is that otherwise there can be a lot of confusion between Awareness and that which is the phenomenal perceiving like sight, hearing, taste. There is awareness even of this, and this is also made up of Awareness ultimately. But perceiving is subject to attention, whereas Awareness is not. In fact, there can only be phenomenal perceiving if there is attention.

The other day after satsang, where we [sangha] were wondering whether sleep state must come when we run out of this limited quantity of attention that we seem to have. That’s also another beautiful contemplation which we can have.

Q: [Inaudible Comments]

A:We can say that, like Guruji says ‘I have a low attention span’. Someone says that ‘I have a longer attention span’. So attention…, that’s why although it’s so similar to Awareness, (it’s color-less, attribute-less, you cannot really make a shape or size of it, yet it almost like Awareness playing in the phenomenal realm; almost like It’s bringing Its head out [Chuckles] and looking at this phenomenal world through the eyes of attention.

Because it is so intimate to Awareness, many use attention to describe Awareness. And then it becomes confusing for them, where they say ‘Why you stress on Awareness so much? This is also Being’. What they’re actually describing is the play of attention. And because it is so intimate to Awareness…, it’s all there is; outside of Awareness there is no attention.

To see that there is something called sleep, but there is no phenomenal perceiving, no force of attention, belief. None of these dynamic forces which are in operation needs Awareness. So, that which is not coming and going, irrespective of the states. Yet, to be able to say ‘Yes, in this state, something which comes up meets Awareness’. It is not just…, sleep is not just a mental construct. So, without there being attention, Awareness remains.

It’s important to check on these things because otherwise the intimacy of attention can easily be confused to be Awareness Itself.

But when we see that whether attention has a little attention span (‘Oh, I cannot give my attention to 10 things’) or some will say ‘I can multi-task’…, that means attention can have various sorts of play in its limited nature. You cannot say that about Awareness.

So, to see this functioning of this phenomenal perceiving through our attention and yet, there being the awareness of that entire play of perception, and this Awareness remaining untouched by the content of the play, is a very, very beautiful point to come to.

And I know that this is not really…, (and I hate to use the words like ‘Advanced seeker’ but I feel just to use words we can say that); this is for those who have really been in satsang and have been contemplating these things so deeply.

Take Out the Idea of Cause and Effect

Q:I’ve just been contemplating very deeply on the sense of lack, that there’s something…, (and I know these are quite inherent thoughts for all of us, otherwise we wouldn’t be on this path)…, but there’s such an inherent lack, like a feeling of ‘Something’s missing’. And when I do the inquiry, of course…, [Silence] there’s just this resting and peace. But as soon as I’m in my daily activities, just this sense of like ‘I’m not enough, I’m not good enough, I’m…’ And it’s like the thoughts come and they’re seen and they’re not believed, but yet the body is just reacting in such an extreme way as if they are true, to the point where that all I can do is lay down and just.., it’s so extreme and it.., and I’m really, really looking at these feelings in the body and letting them play out.

A: Yes.

Q:It’s…, (I don’t know how to describe it), it’s just this inherent sense of…, yeah ‘I’m not good enough’ and…, yeah?

A:Yes. So, see if you can find this sense of lack now, the feeling of being unworthy or not enough; and also see if you can give your attention, not just to this sense of lack but also to that space in which this sense is appearing. Does the question make sense?

Q:[Silence] So, I’m looking for this sense of lack, which is a feeling in the body. And this space in which it is in is unaffected by that feeling in the body.

A:Yes. Also explore this idea that feelings are happening within the body. (I know it sounds ludicrous when I say things like this). But just see whether the body itself is not just sensed as a collection of sensations or feelings. And see if you can bring some attention to that space, within which the sensations of the body itself are being experienced.

Q:Yeah. I mean it…, (and this happens every time when I look like this), it’s not an issue, it’s not a problem, it’s all just flowing through. But in daily life when there’s not this space to sit for hours and contemplate, it’s like, it just grabs me; when I’m driving or something, just this complete energy of darkness pulls, just pulls. And there’s no space to sit. I mean, right now all I want to do is sit in meditation, lay down and just completely disappear into this space of just peace. But there’s life to be lived. But right now, there is just this feeling of wanting to just completely disappear. And I feel like this personal energy that is here is gotten down to the core of itself and it’s just realized it doesn’t exist. And now all of the darkest, deepest thoughts and energies are coming up to play. And I feel like ‘I’ the identity is actually…, I do feel like I’m dying, like really dying. And it’s so intense.

A:So, one advice is that as you’re doing this contemplation, let’s not have any purpose behind it. Let it not be for the purpose of getting rid of any energy or to push anything aside; just for itself we’re exploring [the] dimensions of this that everything seems to be appearing and disappearing.

Don’t worry about the future or what happened in the past. [Silence] And in this exploration, if the sense of separate identity has to die or has to weaken or has to become stronger, whatever has to happen to it, don’t be concerned by it. You stay with the exploration.

[Silence]

Q: Father, here, Here, nothing is wrong. Here everything is, there’s absolutely…,

A:Okay, yes. The mind will offer you something. It will say that ‘It is possible to leave here when you’re engaged in day to day life?’ Explore that possibility from here; that it can actually happen. Can you actually leave this space of here?

Q: No.

A:Appears within this here-ness, isn’t it? Even the life that has to be lived is only appearing within this space of Being, this space of here-ness. [Silence] Even if identification happens, does something really switch?

Q:No, not in reality. But the attention will go to those extreme emotions, energies and pain in the body.

A: Yes.

Q: And thoughts.

A:Yes, the way that these emotions and these thoughts get stronger and stronger, get more and more energized, is when we have the sense that they should not be, or they should now not come, or even the idea that ‘I should not identify with them’ actually energizes them. Is it possible…, (just checking from the here and now, not predicting about the future), is it possible to let everything just be without even labeling anything as dark or bright?

Q: [Silence] It already is.

A:Yes. So this sense that the difference in state or states should not happen when I’m in satsang verses outside, when I’m meditating, or inquiring or in the Presence of the Master, or when I’m in my day to day life…, if we had no idea about how it must go and what must appear or not, is that a possibility?

Q: [Silence] It is, but it’s not happening like that.

A:Yes. [Laughs] That’s okay. What is happening is happening. It’s fine. You see, my job in this role right now is I’m supposed to give some advice, [Laughs] and that advice gets imbibed or not, absorbed or not. And it’s all just Grace and it’s all a part of the play; and you see it, isn’t it? When

we’re able to see it like that, actually these things cannot have such power over us. In fact, I don’t feel they have as much power over us. Even that which we call the dark energy or gloominess or thoughts about it, they really, in reality, (you yourself said that), ‘Nothing really changes’. But this play of it seeming like something changes, the play of identification or not, that has to be wiped out; according to your own Grace. According to the Grace of Consciousness it will dissolve ultimately.

Until then I will keep sharing these things with you, [Laughs] and we will play this game as long as it has to go on. But even the seeming-checking, even the seeming-separation, even the seeming-identification, all of that; all of this is appearing but you remain untouched. Isn’t it?

Q:Totally untouched.

A:Yes.

Q:[Silence] So much attention is going to this sensation of just like…, ‘Urgh’. [Gestures a contraction] [Laughs] I don’t even know the word for it, it’s just like this…,

A:[Silence] Yes, but what I’m hearing from you is that attention is going…, but you said right in the beginning that you’re not really believing the thoughts about it, you’re not really buying the interpretations about it. At some subtle level it might be happening, but that’s fine as long as not too much of this interpreter, not too much of these conclusions are being bought. It’s just playing the way it is playing. But as long as the pretense of person-hood is not being injected into the situation through our belief in ideas, then already it must be intense. It might seem very intense because your attention is going so strongly to that. But it doesn’t have that personal intensity, it doesn’t have the personal own-ness that ‘I must do something about it’.

Q:But it does at the time, though, because the attention is so strong. And this is what is so the one two-punch. So, so frustrating, upsetting, annoying, is that I know that these thoughts (that are appearing on the conveyor-belt), I know that these thoughts have no basis, have no truth to them. The body is reacting as if they are true; now I know that they’re not. Yet there is this whole kind of bodily reaction happening. And then the one two punch is ‘You know this isn’t true, why are you reacting like this?’ And then the identity is formed in that.

A:Yes, if you can take out the idea of cause and effect from this, and you only look at Consciousness as the One cause of all appearances, then that will make it a bit lighter. Because there can be a sense that this thought comes, you see; but what is a thought? Thought is a bundle of energy, it’s a ball of energy. And there can be a sense that this thought creates some sensation in the body, some intensity or something.

That energy is like two waves on the same ocean, but the mind tries to make a story out of it saying ‘Because this wave came and this wave came…’ And usually it will try to find some patterns and play where these energies, where these energetic movements, flow together. It will

try to say it was ‘because of this’…, though that this is happening to the body. But actually, all of this has one cause which is Consciousness. The thought coming, the body reacting, and the second punch is also Consciousness. So, everything is just energetic patterns appearing on the screen of Consciousness itself, having only one cause which is the light of Consciousness itself.

So if we stop giving them so much credit and so much strength that ‘A thought is doing this then this is what’s happening because of thought’. It’s not it’s just all energy. The source of energy is only Consciousness; all is ultimately Consciousness itself.

So thought comes, an energetic reaction comes in the body, then another thought comes; all of this is just energetic play of Consciousness. When we remove this causality from it, (that this causes this, and ‘Is there a way for me to break the pattern?’)…, if we just stop giving thoughts any credit at all, then that itself a very good way to break the pattern.

Q:Yeah, and when it gets so strong, when these…, when this thought and bodily reaction…, when it becomes so strong and I do have to literally lay down or sit down, (because there’s no way to function with it), and there’s and inquiry happening or there’s just a complete seeing that there’s this belief in the mind; it all just disappears, just completely disappears, and there’s this deep sleep state. I don’t know what I mean; it’s just like being in deep sleep completely and there’s nothing wrong, there’s absolutely nothing wrong at all. It’s just like I want to just spend as much time there as possible. But as soon as I have to come…, as soon as there’s no need to be there anymore or there’s just a natural movement to get up, then ten minutes later there will be this energy that reappears and re-identification that reappears and it seems like life is just pushing me to inquire because it’s so painful to in the world at the moment.

A:Yes, yes. There’s nothing wrong with that. As soon as there’s a sense of a ‘me’ that can inquire, we must inquire. And many times it seems that life pushes us into these situations. For you, it is these energetic things that are happening; for others it could be life events, life situations. For many it can be a combinations of various things. For you, what it is doing is pushing you to the inquiry and there’s nothing wrong with that. What is happening sometimes is that the instant you start the inquiry it becomes so clear, isn’t it? It becomes so clear there is no ‘me’ anymore. And when you seemingly stop, it seems like ‘Oh, I better inquire because that is my only refuge’. It can seem like that. A bit of oscillation like this is not necessarily a bad thing.

Q:But I am grateful for this; although it’s been absolutely horrific because it actually bought up the inquiry of suicide and really, really inquiring into leaving the body. And I just saw over the weekend at the yoga festival that even leaving this body, it would just be…, not even from a here to a here [Gesture] because there’s literally nowhere for me to go; there’s nowhere, I’m totally, like this: I’m not…, this absolutely horrendous period has really…, has been so beneficial in the way of like…, I’m totally not scared of death at all. It’s more like fear of identification and fear of feeling all of these really human, human emotions that feel so big and so…,

A:Yes, yes. One sense that will get lighter and lighter is that ‘I am enclosed in this body’. So, it can seem like ‘Oh I’m going to drop this body and it will be light’. No. Actually, many bodies we experience. If there’s an end to this body, another body instantly appears. Because I don’t feel that by dropping the body the potential for all this energetic creation will stop. You see? So, it doesn’t really help in any way to buy into that idea.

Also this sense of being enclosed into the body, that we have looked at; and actually it is this body which is a minuscule aspect of me, a minuscule aspect of my dynamic appearance, isn’t it? Because when we try to find our boundaries, we don’t find the enclosure. We find the body which is enclosed in an aspect of ‘me’ but I don’t find that this Being is enclosed in anyway.

Q:I’m looking now, and the Awareness that is inside the body is totally just the same as the Awareness that can sense the skin on the outside of the body. There is no difference, no difference.

A:So, the body usually gets the credit or blame, (whatever you like to call it), for no reason. Because the basic sense that Consciousness is the root of all energetic movement; once this is seen and understood, then I don’t feel that you will be giving all that credit or blame to the body.

Q:It’s not the body, it’s not the body.

A:It’s not the body, yes.

Q:[Exhales]

A:[Laughs] So, what is the discovery? We find that it’s not the body, it is Consciousness itself. And we have come together to this place where we can see that ‘I Am That I Am’. I am this Consciousness. So, (although again it sounds silly), but the fact is, there must be something primal there which wants to experience all of this, wants to taste all these energies, wants to also taste the distaste when they appear. So, from the perspective of Consciousness, you are the experiencer of all of this. And from the ultimate perspective as Awareness, as The Self, none of this truly happened anyway; and it’s not happening anyway.

[Silence] Okay so I have a question for you, [Chuckles] which is; when are you coming back to Bangalore?

Q: I don’t know.

A: And I don’t want an Advaita response. [Laughs]

Q:I feel like I can only give you an Advaita response. [Laughs] There’s been no movement to book my flight and I don’t know why, and why that is. I feel like something is holding me here in order to contemplate these things that I wouldn’t necessarily be able to if I was there in your

Presence; to go deeper into these darker aspects of myself. I don’t know what it is. I feel like there’s something happening in this play of Ziya dying, in this play of the character being broken open, there’s something happening. Yes.

A:[Smiles] It’s good. Everything, everything that happens is Grace. And you know the Father in me will always have this sense that ‘Why you have to struggle over there alone so much? You can just come here’. But I know that ultimately what will happen, will happen. It’s fine.

Q:Thank you I’m so grateful for these daily hangouts. It’s oxygen.

A:Very good. Thank you, my dear.

This Beautiful Unchanging Awareness

A:Yesterday actually some of us were also sitting and someone was sharing how it seems like there is some fluttering going on or there is some fear coming or something like this. And we looked at it and we saw that actually, just like the ocean, at the surface level on the ocean, there is always this neediness; the waves falling up and down. It can seem very turbulent at times and sometimes it can feel like very quiet.

But as we start to go below the surface, (some of us have seen these videos of underwater), it all seems so still. The water, although it is the same water which is wavy at the surface, as we go deeper and deeper, at the ground level then we find that it is very still. It becomes very pristine and beautiful. And that, the majority, the predominance of the ocean is not at the surface. It is below the surface.

Now because something is wavy our attention seems to go to that which is changing so that seems to get a lot of our attention. But if we go just 1 millimeter below the surface of this phenomenal existence, what do we find? We find a great stillness…, unmoving because all these changing is happening only at the surface level; and because it is movement it seems attractive to the mind and to our attention. So, all that is needed is to just look below the surface and see what is the underlying sense of Existence below this overlay of movement. What is it that it is based upon? …, this sense of existence which is so beautifully un-changing, (and therefore, to the mind, very boring). It is so beautifully un-changing, and the mind enjoys change. It is changeful by nature itself

So, to come to peace actually is not very difficult. Because all we have to do, (and I am not speaking spatially, but I am just using a term), all we have to do is come 1 millimeter below what is happening at this surface level of movement; movement of thought, movement of emotion, movement of these phenomenal appearances. Substratum gets missed because it is ‘un- changing’.

And as we get used to this ‘un-changing-ness’…., more and more in satsang we have been

focusing on that backdrop on which the ‘changeful’ is happening. Just the other day I was saying ‘What about this space in which all these movements and emotions and thoughts are happening? Can we bring a little bit of attention to that space?’ We find that, as we do that, we see so much more beatitude, peace. Although at the surface level, still movement might continue, but we find that predominantly you remain untouched and unchanged through all of this

So, I have been noticing recently that for long time we have been focused on ‘belief’ and how it is the ‘belief in thought’ which leads to this sense that we are personal in some way. ‘I am a person’ can only be a concept a belief. Now little bit of attention is also going in satsang on the power of attention itself.

Q: Sorry, power of attention? Or intention?

A: Attention.

So we see that this attention has presumably been operating in the sense of operating as is if is been in personal control, (although it never has), only because it has been accompanied by this thought pattern saying ‘What’s in it for me? What’s in it for me?’

So wherever our attention goes, we seem to have focused on that, which seem to have offered something for the personal sense of ‘me’. And not too much attention has gone into that quiet…, stillness.

If we just see that if we are

able to put our attention into that which is unchanging, unmoving…, which is right here actually. It is the predominant part of our Existence. It is not the fluttering which is the predominant part, but the unmoving space of Being. And that is just here.

And what is the easiest way to do this is not to fight with our attention. That’s an important part of this. Because it can seem like we can get into a war with our attention, saying ‘Don’t go there, go here’. Best is to just leave it alone; just let it be. And we can try it right now: just let it be. It can seem to move about for a bit, but naturally comes to a resting.

Actually even more fun is if you try to drop your attention. Don’t have attention. Just drop it, leave it behind.

You see you cannot do it. It is just here, in service to you. You find this beautiful play happening with attention.

And more and more you will find that attention will stabilize in this unchanging, unmoving. And for a while the mind will find this boring as if you lost some excitement in your life, but you find that nothing has been lost. There is a deeper sense of peace and joy which comes on its own.

Awareness is What We’re Discovering Ourself to Be

Q:There has been an Awareness of observing all the phenomenon here that happen, or the jealousy or the fears or whatever. And then there has been silence. But somehow the silence just isn’t left alone somehow. If I am sitting in silence, which I enjoy now, there is almost like this other voice; very negative talk. It’s an old, old, old, old voice. It’s like I am 64 and a day now, right? I just turned 64, so it’s about 64 years old, this voice. It’s really negative. Certainly was not my voice; somebody else’s voice, right? So, it’s been really unpleasant to notice this voice. ‘Who you talking to? Who is talking, first of all? Sometimes I remember to ask ‘Okay, who is talking?’ And it’s like ‘Well, nobody is talking’. But it doesn’t shut up the voice; it hasn’t cut off the head of the voice yet. So then there is this resistance to sitting in silence. Like I don’t want to sit in silence if that voice is going to show up again. You know what I mean?

A:When we look at silence itself, there is one silence which is the absence of phenomenal noise so to speak. It’s just quiet out there, sensorally it’s quiet, inwardly there is no voice of the mind bothering us. That is one kind of silence. But actually that is not the important silence, although it is helpful.

The true silence is the silence of your own Being; the silence of even this Being. As we get used to this silence, there is no noise in Awareness.

And if Awareness is our predominant Self and the dynamic aspect is just movement upon it, then the dynamic silence also helpful. And this realm really doesn’t touch the silence that is Awareness itself.

So even when the mind is trying to get your attention, is being unpleasant, is being nasty, whatever it is being…, the point is to just see whether something is losing its silence in what we really are. As Awareness, is something becoming un-silent? Is that even possible?

So, in fact, you can go as far as to say that the first noise is the creation of this dynamic sense ‘I Am’ itself.

This unchanging Silent-Awareness; the first seeming-vibration or noise is this primordial sense of Being itself. Because nobody can say that in sleep state there is noise, in deep sleep there is nothing at all. So what was the first flutter?

This first flutter was the primordial vibration of Being, Consciousness, I Am. And then all of that this movement started. So, from that perspective of Awareness, all of this is vibrating, is dynamic.

But even then, with the creation of all of this noise and potential for noise, even then nothing moved. Nothing became noisy for Awareness itself.

That is the important silence. And as we get more and more accustomed to this, less and less fearful of this empty-feeling silence, this no-thing feeling silence, then it doesn’t matter if we are in a market place; either outside or if our head is a market place of noise. Then it doesn’t really matter so much.

Actually our attraction is there for this noise because there is a fear of the emptiness which Awareness seems like. And once this fear of no-thingness starts to dissolve, then there will not be so much attraction to this noisy environment, either to this seemingly-within-our-heads or outside this.

Q:While you were talking, I noticed that there was a noise inside that was not letting me hear you and I was thinking ‘Okay, I am going to have to listen to this later’. But what I just heard, it kind of clicked, that this negative chatter is there because there is too much fear to be silent in this emptiness.

A:Let’s say that the negative chatter is believed, or seems to have some power still for us, because there is an urge to go to this rather than accept the emptiness or the no-thingness of what we are.

Q:That makes sense. How do you free yourself of the fear of being in the Aware state?

A:This is what satsang is for. All of this is for that.

So, our inquiries, our recognition of who we are, our marinating together in this, my reminders that the Satguru is always with you…, all of this is for this. So, not believing our thoughts, experimenting and seeing that nothing falls apart without going to the mental chatter, and more and more recognizing that ‘I am this non-phenomenal in which all phenomenon arises’. So this actually is the whole reason for satsang, for you to get used to this emptiness and nothing-ness.

In fact, I would go as far as to say [satsang is] is to be with this and to see that, contrary to what the mind is saying, (that ‘This is boring, this is so not getting you anywhere’ all these thought patterns), if we just allow them to come and go then we will find that the true purpose of love, peace and joy, (which is to be in service to this unassociated Being), will start to reveal itself. There is nowhere for love and peace to go, than to be at your feet. But not at your feet personally; the feet of the divine which You are.

So, when the pretense of personhood is dropped then you find that all beautiful energies like wonder, amazement, love, peace, joy…, they are just here and there is no concern about them being here or not. There is no expectation for it, yet you see that there is nowhere for them to go but to be at Your feet.

Q:There is a lot of that; a lot more. And it is the delightful. And when it is there and I am in it, I am like ‘Ahh, I want this every second of my life’. And then the other antsy takes over my body

and goes ‘Aargh’. And I start feeling very negative and I have to work awfully hard not to feel negatively.

A:The thing is, (like you mentioned the word ‘intention’ earlier), I find that these beautiful energies are not in service to any intention, they are actually in service to our un-intention, our emptiness; they are un-association with any concept. So even the intention that ‘It should always be like this’ actually is un-productive in a sense. Because intention implies person. Intention implies separation. God is not, Consciousness is not, projecting this world on the basis on an intention as we understand it. It is not a personal intention, it is not personal desire. In fact, it is very beautiful to look at this and maybe we can digest for a minute because this topic came up about intention.

It is often said that we experience the fruits of our actions. We are talking karmic-ly now, in the laws of this realm, (which we rarely do). But the word ‘intention’ reminded me that there is something there also that can be spoken about, but that fails even the most basic contemplation; that fails even the most basic contemplation because the action of a doctor and a criminal could be the same, of a surgeon and a criminal could be the same. Because the surgeon is using a knife to cut some one, (it’s a gory example but…), the surgeon is using a knife to cut someone and also the criminal is using a knife to cut someone. Therefore, it can’t be that both of them experience the same fruit, although their actions were the same seemingly. Therefore in this basic inquiry the concept that ‘You experience the fruit of your actions’ fails immediately.

Then we could say that ‘We experience the fruit of your intentions’. The doctor is intending good, he is helpful and therefore in this realm it seems like it plays like they experience the fruits of their intentions.

What is said is that ‘Once you come to the realization of what You Are, and therefore you come to un-associated Beingness by dropping of the conditioning, it is also the dropping of this law of karmic ‘What you sow is what you will reap’. The law of karma itself seems to be in operation in this realm. But we are not too concerned about it here.

But if it is on the basis of intention, of what it operates as, then we also notice that it is not possible to have an intention without carrying a belief. We cannot intend for something unless there is a belief about something. So can there be an intention that ‘I will make it big-time tomorrow’? Or can there be an intention to change our life? Or can there be an intention of any sort, without there being an underlying belief?

So, as we are coming to the end of belief, as we are coming to the end of conditioning; predominantly, (there is no 100% in this). We are also coming to an end of intention.

So, (either) as we use surrender ‘Everything belongs to my Father. It is his problem’ …, therefore we cannot carry an intention for ourselves. So surrender is a dropping of intention itself.

(Or) when we come to the inquiry to see that there is nobody here that can have an intention or a goal or an ambition of any sort…., as we are coming to a dropping of belief, then we find that

there is this emptiness of concepts, of conditioning. And that is why traditionally it is been said in India that those who come to unassociated Being are the only ones who transcend their karma or their karmic patterns.

And often it is also said that ‘In the Presence of the Satguru, your karma gets cut’. If you were born in India, if you have been exposed to Indian spirituality, you would have heard things like this; that you can put an end to your karmic cycle in the Presence of a Satguru. But it cannot happen without the sense devotion, surrender or inquiring into ‘Who is here to carry a particular intention?’

So, I feel it is a beautiful digestion for us to be able to look at this for us to see that as we remain empty then we are also not in the realm of this karmic intention. Or at least, as Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said, that we are not creating any new karma, we are just experiencing, (or the body is just experiencing), the fruit of its old karma. (Okay, let’s not get too much into it, but), the old pool of karmic tendencies which is still there is being experienced by the body, but there is no new pool of karma being created without new intention or new belief.

Q:And there is an experience of this terror sometimes, just pure terror. And I have been trying to practice just sitting with it.

A: Take an example of when this terror has come.

Q:When I am home and it is in the evening; when I am done with what I need to do for the day. And then I think ‘Now what?’ And I think maybe I will just be in silence, I will inquire, I will practice my Advaita. [Laughter] And I sit. And it’s almost like gasping. And there is a very strong fear about being alone, and I am alone. And sometimes I am aware of it and sometimes I am not, but mostly when I am looking at being silent or I don’t have a specific activity planned out in front of me, then it comes.

A:This is exactly what we have been talking about, which is this fear of our own Self in a way. You see, this fear of our own Self…, because it is no-thing in the non-phenomenal sense.

And all of us, if we are interested, can go through a transcript which describes the difference about no-thing and nothing. I feel it is an important distinction. It is there in the group, if somebody wants to read it, it can be very useful.

Because it can be a bit confusing. Because the mind only understands ‘nothing’. You see? And it’s [mind’s] interpretation of the no-thing that we are discovering ourselves to be is that ‘Oh, it’s just nothing. I am nothing’. It will not be a great discovery, because who wants to discover that we are nothing?

Q: Ah, that doesn’t feel good.

A:Nobody wants to discover that. But there is a great distinction between the phenomenal sense of nothing, which means it is the absence of all phenomenon; and the no-thing we are discovering ourselves to be. Because this is the discovery of the non-phenomenal potential of everything to come. Because everything comes from this no-thing. And yet, it is not limited by just the potential for something to come.

Sometimes these things are better consumed in the written form; so when you read, you’ll see this is easier to understand.

But what I’m simply saying is that this no-thing, which we are finding ourself to be, although has the potential for everything to come, yet is unlimited, is not constricted only as this potential; it’s not just a mere potential. Because even when the potential manifests into this living Universe, dynamic Universe, this living Consciousness which projects this Universe, even with the birth of Consciousness and this realm, this Awareness continues to be complete. It is not lacking anything. It did not disappear because of the potential manifested into something. It still remained untouched. That is why it is the eternal, unchanging, unmoving Self. So, it is a beautiful, pristine no-thing which is very different in quality to the phenomenal idea of nothing.

The mind cannot fathom this. The mind says ‘Oh, what’s the point? You’re just discovering yourself to be nothing’. So the movement from here has been to clarify some of these points which get in the way; they bring a lot of fear. ‘I don’t want to discover myself to be nothing. I don’t want to be nothing. The whole game has to be something; has been to be something’. But what you’re discovering is that you’re much beyond this ‘something’…, not much lesser than this ‘something’. The mind will say ‘You’re becoming nothing which is the lesser than something’. But what you’re discovering is that You are much greater than ‘something’…, the supreme greatness, much greater than ‘something’. And this will be Your actual living discovery, that you are greater than ‘something’.

The second confusion that we’ve been looking at very directly is that for many of you, you are coming to the realization of the Self, in the form of the recognition of Awareness. But very quickly the mind has made it ‘as if’ it is separate from I. On discovering Awareness, many times I hear, (not you, specifically), in the sangha’s reports, I find that we’re referring to Awareness as ‘It’. And saying ‘Okay, nothing really happens to Awareness, but…’ And the instant I hear that ‘Oh, yeah, nothing really happens to Awareness, but…’ that means that what you’re really saying is ‘Yeah, I recognize that nothing is happening to Awareness, but what about me?’ [Chuckles] You see? So, there’s a dichotomy which is being created because we speak about Awareness in that way; between ‘I’ and ‘Awareness’. But the discovery is that this ‘I’ at its very foundation, at its very root, IS Awareness. See, the I that remains IS this Awareness.

That’s why I’ve offered you all this question: Who is aware of Awareness?

Who is aware of this Awareness? And in this question then we will merge the sense of Awareness, the recognition of Awareness, with the ultimate reality of the Self, which is ‘I’.

Then it will not seem to be a distant experience. Because the mind’s tricky nature, after the recognition of Awareness, tries to sell Awareness to you as if it was an experience. But it is not really an experience. It is recognition of what You really Are!

Because if it was not the fundamental of What I Am, prior to even the sense ‘I Am’ then there would be no point in inquiring, actually. If we were just moving towards another experience then there would be no point. We’re coming to Self-recognition! …, not the recognition of an experience. Self-recognition which, by definition, means ‘I’ recognition. I’m coming to the recognition of what I truly am.

So, these two aspects, I feel are very, very important. And this can be the total integration of our recognition with the letting go our false conditioning, because it is Seen that ‘I’ truly is this Awareness Itself.

Then we will not flip-flop so much between levels. And when we do also, it will seem to only be conversationally. What do I mean by that? I mean that our understanding of ourself, (which is Understanding with a capital ‘U’…, not a mental understanding, remains as Awareness. And yet, in the world, there can be a very natural, spontaneous way of living. So, this is not a flip- flopping. You see?

In a sense what I’m saying is that because we recognize ourself to be Awareness, we have recognized ourself. It doesn’t mean that we go to a restaurant and we’re saying that ‘Awareness, which is now playing as this dynamic aspect as Consciousness, which has given itself the label ‘me’ would like to have pasta for lunch’. [Chuckles] You see? ‘I would like pasta for lunch’ will do conversationally. This is a flip-flopping of the recognition of what I really Am. It is just a spontaneous, very natural way of living in the world.

But what I mean by ‘flip-flopping’ is that the moment of quiet and the moments of mediation, the moments of inquiry, we see ‘Yes, yes, Awareness. I Am This Awareness’. But very quickly, the mind comes back and says ‘That was a very nice experience for you. You should do more. You should do more of that’.

Q: Yes, yes. It does that.

A:But this ‘you’ immediately that is bought is not Awareness anymore. That is why when we ask ourselves ‘Who is aware of this Awareness?’ we will see that ‘I’ and ‘Awareness’ are one. And then the mind will not be able to sell you another story of ‘I’ for whom this was also an experience.

Q:I’ve asked that question; lately I’ve been following in the groups…, ‘Who is aware of Awareness?’ and when I’ve asked that, it’s clearly Awareness that’s aware of Awareness, or I. And it lasts for about three seconds. [Chuckles]

A:That will get longer and longer.

Q:That’s good.

A:It will be normal inquiry in this way. It won’t be like we’re constantly asking ourselves ‘Who is aware of Awareness?’ Just that, once the pointer of ‘I’ has shifted from pointing to the personal sense of ‘I’ to this unlimited Awareness Itself, then we don’t have to keep reminding ourself or inquiring more and more. But it is just That which has been mis-identified is now getting truly identified with the real Self.

That’s why the ‘I’ is very tricky. My Master [Mooji] used to call it ‘The chameleon I’ because it can be a label for the very personal ‘I’…, ‘I’…, this personal sense of ‘I’. It can be used for the body, it can be used for the mind, it can be a label for our attention, for our emotions. I can be a label even for Consciousness, ‘I Am that I Am’…, a label for Consciousness. And it can also be this ‘I’ which is even before ‘I Am’. One of Guruji’s [Mooji] books is called ‘Before I Am’. That is the reality of What You Are.

So, this ‘I’ is the chameleon ‘I’ and it has been mis-identified with this floating, surface level ‘I’ of the person, now comes to the reality which is the back-drop, the unchanging You, is what you are discovering.

In the discovery of this, then you will find that you’re not so much bothered by the checker guy and the reporter guy…, ‘This is the way it happened to me. This is what is going on’. All of this will just seem like some surface-level activity. But you remain the unchanging.

And Then, Spontaneous Laughter

[Sangha guest erupts in uncontrollable, joyous love-and-freedom laughter and everyone joins in at the wonder of it]

This is the funny thing, because sometimes when someone reads a transcript, or they hear sometimes when we talk about Awareness and Consciousness, [laughs], they feel like it’s so joyless; boring, intellectual stuff …, but only here have we seen, in satsang have we seen, this kind of spontaneous laughter, with no seeming cause.

As we leave the realm of thought, we leave it behind, you find That which is inherently peaceful, joyful, loving. And yet we don’t verbally stress on that aspect so much because that also becomes an object of the mind, becomes an expectation from the mind.

So, if I was to just keep saying that ‘Yes, yes, just do the inquiry and you will find so much joy and peace’ then the checker guy will keep checking for how much joy is there. When there are times of suffering, when there are times of grief, it will say ‘See? Either you are not doing it right or you are with the wrong group; joined the wrong gang. They will be offering these things that don’t end up actually happening’. So we don’t stress on this aspect of it so much.

And yet it is only in Satsang, I have found this kind of spontaneous eruptions of laughter. Of course, also spontaneous eruptions of crying [Laughs], both together. And as it is happening, the mind is saying ‘What are you doing? What are you laughing about? Control yourself!’

The mind is fearful that this expression now is continuing without any sense of mental control. So, the cries to control yourself is just the mind crying to gain some control.

The Mind Tries to Make Replicas of Our Seeing

A:When we look back, we say that ‘How could it have been that so much seeming-time went in this sort of regime of thought?’ Because when we start looking at it like this, you find that the realm of thought is actually very limited. It’s very limited. What can you think about nothing? Not even about no-thing; just about nothing. [Laughter]

We can have some ideas about it, but can we truly describe it? If I say ‘Write a 350 word essay on nothing as tomorrow’s assignment’ [Laughter] there is nothing that you can really write; except about some journey, some story about how you’re getting to nothing. But about the nothing itself, [what can you say] except that it is nothing? Then you maybe try to pull out a thesaurus and say ‘What are all the synonymous words with nothing? It is this, it is this’. [Laughter] So, about nothing, it cannot say. What can it write about the unlimited? What can it describe about the unlimited? That which has no boundaries, has no start and end; that also is lost.

So, basically this mental engine is creating more; is creating just these images and descriptions and combinations of both. Like I was saying yesterday, the job seems to be to create a mental replica of ‘What Is’, of what is appearing, so that it can be stored in some database, memory or something. And we’ve got so used to relying on these replicas that we have started to believe that that is reality. So, the mind is creating a version which seemingly-replicates this realm; and that for most of us has been our perception of reality itself. Are you with me?

Now, we are leaving this replica behind. All that it has been replicating as concepts, as descriptions and images, we’re leaving this behind. And (for the first time maybe) experiencing what is appearing for itself, just as it is. The mind still tries to come and say ‘Yes, yes, now I’m really doing it right. You’ve done it!’ [Laughter] It doesn’t keep quiet. Or ‘It’s not yet happening for me’. Or ‘Yes, yes, oh, now I’m really getting somewhere’. [Laughter] Or ‘When I get to this point then I’ll get somewhere’. All of these continue to be descriptions of what is appearing for you right now. So all we have to do is check on the right now, we don’t have to go to the past.

Even now you’ll see this mental engine, trying to create some imagery; like in computers we have this gaming engine that creates this environment that now seems so real. In the same way, the mind is creating a replica of what is appearing in the form of descriptions and in the form of images. And we’ve lived our life like this. We’ve lived our life based on these ideas, this imagery; and we’ve presumed that this is to know something. ‘Once I have a very solid, in detail, crisp replica of something, then I’ll feel like: oh, I got it!’

So this is a delusion, to mistake the name of something, or the form of something, as something. It’s not true. This is just the imagery and the description. And we’ve relied on this kind of knowing as a means to live our life. But if it was just like that, if these replicas were true to reality, then nobody would suffer. Because our suffering is when ‘What Is’ doesn’t match our replica what it should be. Suffering is because of that. If we didn’t have any expectation that

something should be this way, then we could not suffer; if we didn’t have any ideas about how life must turn out or what our day must be like. [Laughter]

Sometimes we broaden it too much and then it seems very global; but we also have ideas just about how our day should be like! I have spoken about this, (Guruji [Mooji] has spoken about this a few times also), that if we didn’t have any idea about how our day should go, then we would not be so upset with the interruptions and with those things that don’t let us meditate or watch satsang.

It Is just what it Is.

So, this replicating of the world of appearances, as mental replicas, is the job of the mind. And it is its job, so it will keep creating this replica. But the power of belief in them rests with you. You as what? As Consciousness. So because you are That, you are appearing as that Consciousness, it is within your power not to believe this.

What Is…, Just Is

So, instead of making a replica of what I am saying, see now that what is…, just is. Now when I’m saying ‘What is’ I’m referring to the phenomenal appearance of this seeming reality. It is just appearing. These words are also just appearing; these forms are appearing. See how the mind tries to make replicas of these. Then that is what seems to get our belief anytime.

So it is happening with Radha, I suppose. [Laughing] So, laughter is coming for Radha. This is just what is. [Laughter] What is…, is as simple as that.

Notice how if there are fifty people who will look at this, five will say ‘Oh, very good’. Another five will say ‘Maybe she is just putting it on. Why can’t she just get a grip?’ [Laughter] Another ten will say ‘When will this happen for me?’ [Lots of laughter] Another ten will say ‘I hope this never happens to me’. [Laughter]

So just what is, is just what is. The appearance is that there is laughter coming in this form which is in front of me. Not even that is needed for the seeing of this. It is just seen already without interpretation. So, any interpretation of this becomes an idea or a story about this.

[Giggling]

And this is the cause of all the trouble.

[More giggling]

Such a simple thing, which is the non-acceptance of just what is…, is the root of all suffering. We cannot suffer without resisting; we cannot suffer without a concept; imagery, descriptions.

[Pause and Laughter]

So, these replicas that we value so much, you see, were in our mind. Throw it away. They are replicas of everything; our Masters, our relationships. Everything; ideas, concepts. And then what happens is that specialness comes because of it. You say ‘My replica is the best’. The Master is just what the Master is. We say ‘No, my path, my learning, my Master, my inquiry is the best’. We’re just fighting about the quality of imagination. Isn’t it? [Laughing] ‘My idea’ of what life should be.

So, as long as people are fulfilling our projections, our ideas, our replicas of these things, then we are very happy with them. ‘Oh, my partner should be like this; he should give me enough space to be as I am’ or, you know… The minute it starts going as if it is not in the direction of my projection, then they become our worst enemy.

That is why it’s very powerful actually, when we look at our expectations from the world, [to give us] our complete freedom. ‘The world should just leave me alone; let me be as I am’. But we don’t give that same freedom to the world. Can we also let the world be exactly how it is?

As long as we value these projections that becomes impossible. To give the world the freedom means for us to not give value to our ideas.

And all of you know this, (most of you have been in satsang for quite some time now), that you cannot suffer without a thought. You cannot even suffer from pain without a thought. You can experience the pain. It can even be experienced strongly, but you will experience it like a child. A child is not saying ‘I am suffering from pain’. The parents are saying ‘My child is suffering from pain’ because as long as the pain exists, the child is crying. When the pain goes, it’s absolutely fine.

My son used to have this colic pain and he used to scream, like really as if something really strong is going on, but the minute the pain would go he would just be laughing/smiling again. You see why? Because he’s not holding onto the projections of ideas.

So the purpose might have been for us to feel this deep engagement with this realm; for us to really participate in this leela/ this game. We might have created this gaming engine for our engagement and participation. And that is why we were sharing the other day also that ‘What must we do for the people who are still feeling that this is real or that is the way to live?’ And I said ‘Nothing’. Because they are enjoying the play. And as long as they are enjoying the play.., even the play of suffering, you see.

So there must be a shade of openness before we can approach them with anything. That’s why I was also was saying that…, (and I know sometimes there’s a need to try and help situations), but what to do in those cases is to just knock gently; not try to break the door down: ‘But who are you?’ Oh, no. ‘But who are you?’ [Laughing] You know? ‘Can you leave me alone? I’m really going through a lot of grief because my boyfriend left me’. [Laughing] ‘But who are you?!’ [Laughing] ‘Just do this, do this; you’ll be happy’. [Chuckles] ‘What do you mean: who am I? You’re making it worse. Please go away!’ You see? This is usually how it plays out.

But if you really feel the sense of closeness with someone, you can knock gently and say…, (you know someone is suffering), you say ‘So, what’s happening with you? Are you open to just looking at what is really going on?’ And mostly they’re enjoying their suffering so much, they don’t want to. We haven’t wanted to in the past. That’s why we’re not evangelizing anything. We have never asked the sangha to evangelize or anyone to bring people here. Because there has to be…, (especially for this kind of direct exploration), there has to be some amount of openness.

So without our replicas, who are we then? One is that…, the good news is that there is no trouble. But it’s also helpful in the contemplation of ‘What is’ …, isn’t it? …, of ‘What is at the background of even this realm of appearances?’ Without our replicas it is very difficult, (it has to

be said like that), very difficult to really inquire into the nature of reality unless we are at peace from our projections. It’s very difficult to contemplate or recognize the nature of reality unless we are free from our replicas or our projections; our ideas.

So, both not believing our next thought and ‘Who is aware of awareness’…, they seem like they are at different realms, (which they are; the questions are at different realms), but they actually go hand in hand because it’s easier to contemplate ‘Who is aware?’ or ‘Who am I?’ as long as we are not buying [thoughts]. We’ve gotten a little used to not buying the thoughts which are coming, you see. Otherwise the minute we get into the contemplation, the mind wants to attack and confuse and distract and contradict. All these are the very basic ways in which the mind works.

So like this we can start looking at how we have so many replicas still that we are guarding, in spite of being in satsang. And most of them are about our self-image, ‘How I should be seen, what my life should be like’. The funniest thing is that the Self has no image.

[Laughter]

That is the confusing part for the mind, isn’t it? Because the Self has no image, we are constantly trying to create one. The mind is trying to create one; to make something out of this no-thing. To say ‘Okay’. It’s like I was saying ‘Write an essay about that which is un-label-able, attribute-less, no size, no shape, doesn’t have a phenomenal appearance’. What can we really write?

When That Moment is Gone, It is Gone

Q:Papaji said to roar like a lion.

A:Yes. You want to roar?

Q:No, no, no; I want to scream-roar.

A:That is not the roaring, you see. Many times it can happen that…

Q:I do that in the street. [Laughter]

A:You do that in the street? You roar?

Q:This lady just passed me and so casually she could have been knocked…

A:When you were driving the car?

Q:Yeah.

A:You roared at her?

Q:Yeah, I roared. Because I nearly killed her.

A:Then she should be roaring at you. [Laughter] You almost killed her, then you roared at her?

Q:She was so casual walking with her partner. [Laughter]

A:And then you remembered Papaji? [Laughter] A justification for roaring? [Laughter]

Q:You know, I was ashamed of the fact that…, the animal comes out. Because anything comes out for you see what you are, actually.

A:So let’s look at this one. Everything comes out for me to see what I am. Ok, so now all of this; everything has come out. What do we find ourselves to be?

Q:Just the Seeing, there is only Seeing. There is actually only Seeing.

A:There is actually only Seeing.

Q:Yeah, that’s the truth. Everything else is, you know, a story. I was saying to you on Guru

Purnima day…, a lot of muck came out at your feet. I was so ashamed. A lot of muck! I was so ashamed. I cringe at that actually. Wow. Why does it happen? It’s Guru’s grace, isn’t it?

A:Yes. Because we lost the child in us. There is a child in us and everyone said ‘Grow up, grow up, be responsible, take it like a man’. Especially for the men, you have these kind of things. [Laughter] And what happens is that, instead of surrendering as children. And what happens with children? They come and complain to their parents and cry and say ‘This happened to me in school, and this teacher was bad to me or these students, they bullied me’. There’s a release; it’s not held on to and they cannot hold a grudge.

What happens is that as we kept losing this innocence, we kept taking it on to ourselves, so then they became our conditioning, our ideas. And when we meet our guru then we become like children again. And then there’s too much like that to go and dis-communicate. [Laughter]. You see? So, it all comes out as one big mess of crying, laughter, tears, everything. So our child-like nature comes back when we meet our master.

Then if you become like children, then what happened, happened. It’s gone. Now you came here and you released it also. Now is it gone?

Q: The story is going.

A:So this ability becomes…, not even an ability; this becomes more natural for us to surrender and not to pick it up. You see, the moment you came, I knew that something was bothering you. Because it was…, if you were to replay the tape of just yourself, you will see that it was…, something was fighting for your attention. So, it was like this; your eyes were literally like this. [Moving his eyes from side to side rapidly] Because some of your attention started to come here and some of that was still replaying that; what happened, what you should have done, or whatever the past was. So attention was being distracted and I could see it in your eyes itself. That’s why I looked at you for a couple of minutes so it could settle. And then as it started to settle, then maybe something came to say ‘Okay, I’m going to expose this or say it loud’. You find it’s like this; you can see even in the outward expressions, you can see what is the state of the inward state. Now how is it?

Something is still processing this. If you were a five year old and you had a spat with someone then would it still be…, would it still have some way to…, will you still be feeling guilty about it, will you still be wondering or trying to justify it? It is mostly gone. Because we have ideas about how we should be, how people should behave, how I should be behave, as if this universe is running based on that. And we ourselves say that ‘When it happens, at that moment, it just happens. So, all these ideas we have about ourselves, throw them aside, then at least not the second punch from the mind; which is the knockout punch really. Because what happened, just happened. It is this guilt or resentment [i.e., the second punch from the mind] that really knocks us out. (Not really but seemingly-knocks us out. [Laughter] Isn’t it?

Gratitude for All That Brought Us to this Point

Q:When and how do we acquire this so-called ability of even looking back at what has happened; of sort of going over it and trying to just crystalize it in a way that is okay with our own self-image? Because many times, we struggle. We want to keep going through something and finally put it in a way that doesn’t show us in a very shameful light. So when does this ability come..?

A:This you will have when you feel gratitude for what is here now. Let me explain that to you. You have also seen that every single thing in this realm is inter-connected. Everything that has happened in our life has brought us to this point now. And because of things like ‘the butterfly effect’ or whatever you call them, you know that if one instant was different, then this moment might not have been at all. So, if there is so much gratitude for This Now, the really we lose the ability to resent what was in the past.

Now, if our attempt instead is to look back and say ‘No, no, I was right!’ then that does not help. If the attempt was to justify what was done in the past, then that doesn’t help. It can only be that we see that there is so much gratitude for This that is Here Now that when we look back, even to the worst situations, we are grateful that all that happened in our life because it must be all of that story which lead to this chapter of the story, which is Now; or this page of the story, which is Now.

Q:The question was slightly different, Anantaji. You were talking about the 5 year old; like for them, they are completely anchored in the moment. And I don’t know if they look back. I simply wanted to know, like, when does this ability kick in? It’s one of the aspects of the mind.

A:Oh, look back. Okay. Yes. So, if you look at a five year old, he can be more resentful than a two year old, isn’t it? Or feel more guilty than a two year old. So, what happened…, (many people have studied this and Masters have also said), it’s about two-and-a-half [years old] when we start believing these mental replicas; these thoughts and these images. So, two-and-a-half and then progressively it grows.

Before that, it’s almost like you have a memory of a fish), although even that, people are saying that that is a myth; but it’s a nice myth), which is that a fish doesn’t remember more than three seconds. Something happened, somebody shouted at you; three seconds later: ‘What?’ The memory of a fish. Small children seem to be like that. They can’t remember what happened, or at least they don’t hold onto what happened a few seconds ago. It’s gone.

Q:Maybe they do, but they don’t have the tools to but for some time, it’s simply the gathering of impressions and they sort of act it out dynamically.

A:They’re so pure that it takes a while to settle into living a life which is subject to the mind. It takes some time.

Spontaneous Recognition is Happening for Us Now

Q:I wanted to share something that’s been happening. After Friday’s satsang, we spent some time in silence, and after that I started feeling very blissful and the whole weekend I gone, like, I was in heaven. Like, where ever you are, the moment I get involved in something and I stop it and just sit and I just become very blissful. And the thoughts which were appearing seemed to not be getting believed by itself, like I don’t have to actually do it.

A: Exactly.

Q:And this blissful energy I was feeling continuously throughout; a continuous stream of present-ness. It was so much that some of my friends invited me to yoga class, (once a month we go there), and I felt that I am naturally feeling this pleasant-ness as a natural state of my Being so I don’t need to do anything else. But…

A: [Chuckles] It’s the ‘but’ part that…

Q:I again feel like I’m coming back to Earth from that. And the thoughts seem to be more closer. And at the time, it seems to be automatically fading away, and not getting much attention. So, dis-believe that, you say. I just feel like the distance…, in the sense of ‘me’ and the mind, thoughts, thinking…., like a natural process it feels is happening on its own. So, could you share some light on this?

A:Yes. [Silence] The natural unfolding or the spontaneous recognition and the settling in, in our true nature, is what is happening for all of us. And satsang is another way to see that this is what is unfolding. So, like Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said…, (We can keep saying whatever we want; I can keep saying ‘Do this, don’t do this; do like this, don’t do like that but…), ‘Ultimately it is the Satguru’s Grace which does everything’. So, we cannot fix a cause as to why something happened like this, or why this seeming-oscillation is also happening. So, if you accept it as the Satguru’s Prasad [gift] and you enjoy it while it is on, and you trust the Satguru enough that he knows in how much doses and what has to be given when, then we will not be hard on ourselves and say ‘Okay, what did I do to lose it? or ‘What can I do to keep it?’ Both these questions are not valid, because it happened on its own. So, that which happened on its own…, (everything is happening on its own but…), this clearly didn’t have any personal intervention.

So, take it as the Satguru’s prasad. And that which can give you this prasad also knows how to do the rest of it. So, enjoy, like a little child.

A Concept Hides Fulfillment of Direct Experience

Q:Sometimes when I’m just walking you know, or wherever I’m going, suddenly this thought comes; it’s like a doubt you know? ‘What have I seen all these past one and half years?’ you know…, seeing since then and all those things? ‘Is this the right thing; the right thing?’ (As in, ‘Have I seen it correctly?’) It’s something like that, you know? Because, this one thing, if I buy it, I’m gone. You know?

A: Yes. [Smiling]

Q:I mean, I’m on the other side of the holy world again. But, I don’t buy it. But, it’s still there at the back. You know? Because, what actually happens when this thought comes, there are other things which happens which kind gives power to this stuff. You know like ‘Oh, okay so this is happening, you know, I might be right or I’ve not got it right’. Like that, you know?

A: [Chuckles]

Q:But, this is not something you take very seriously; it’s very subtle what goes on and um…, this is one thing I want to talk to you about. There is one more thing which is very subtle…,

A:Now pause, pause. [Smiling]

Q:Okay, okay.

A:This is very good. Yeah, I will forget this by the time we come to the second thing.

Q:No…, by then I won’t remember the second one. [Laughing]

A:[Laughing] Good, good, good. So that helps.

This is a very, very, very good point which you brought. And I feel like this is very good for all of us to look at. Because you say that, the doubt which comes is that ‘Have you really seen any of this correctly or are you just making it up?’ [Chuckles] ‘And if I believe this doubt then I’m gone, (you said), I’m gone’. [Laughing] You see?

So, let’s look at this. What has been seen is that ‘I am this Awareness which remains untouched; through the entire play of phenomenal perceiving, phenomenal playing, this remains untouched. This is what has been seen’. Now, if someone says that ‘No, no, no, you haven’t really seen it; it’s all…, just you’re making it up’. Then what happens?

Q:Nothing happens unless I believe it.

A:Huh? Okay, so…,

Q: Nothing happens unless I believe it.

A:Yes, yes. But, even if you believe it, what happens to that Awareness?

Q:Nothing.

A:Yes. So, this ‘I’…, (which is mostly being put in the right place), the false ‘I’ is still now being held onto in our spirituality itself or in our recognition of the Truth Itself. You see?

Q:But Father, this is very subtle Father, what you’re saying; because you know, I can sense something there which I’m not able to express actually. See, I know what you’re saying. It’s like a replica of what you’re talking previously about.

A: Yes.

Q:See, this is where the sharpness comes into play basically. Because, you really have to have the vigilance to spot it. But it’s so subtle. I don’t know if I’m aware. You know? Because it’s almost like exactly the same copy, which you can’t really make the difference of. It’s like that. That’s why I’m getting this kind of …, uh…, this is kind of related to my second question but this is ‘How do you sort it out? How do you…? I don’t know.

A:[Chuckles] Yes, yes, yes, yes. This is good. It is very subtle. But as we look together, you will find that it is becoming more and more clear. And you will find that, this mind is trying to make a replica of the truth or a replica of your recognition.

And this is very good that you bring it up. Because we can look at it. Otherwise, what can happen is that there is too much fear to bring it up; because, we don’t want this replica smashed. You see?

Q:I know you’re saying this. But, I just want to go deeper Father.

A:Yes.

Q:Because I was actually thinking that I should finish it off, this part, because it’s really very subtle and keeping it dark or something, whatever.

I know you’re saying this and I’m looking. I’m looking. I don’t know if I’m looking from my mind or from that place where I have to look. It feels like I’m looking from mind or something like that. It’s not very clear.

A: [Smiling, Chuckles]

Q:I know it could be something like last time what I was speaking, so I want to, (if there is something like that), let us clear that.

A:Yes, yes. It’s very good. One thing, the mind, (the way that we define the mind), we cannot look from the mind. You see? There are many other types of teachings which say that ‘The mind is looking’ and these kind of things, but the only way that we can look from the mind, (in the way we define the mind), only means that the looking is happening, and the mind is coming in and saying ‘Okay, this is right, this is wrong’ or ‘What’s in it for me? What’s in it for me?’ You see? That is the only way in which we can use the term ‘looking from the mind’.

But actually, the mind which is itself a bundle of energies, (heart energy and similar energies like that), itself, does not have the ability to look. So, don’t worry about that. Huh?

The looking is happening which means that the phenomenal perceiving is happening; sight is happening, (inner sight or outer sight), and there is an Awareness of even this sight, There’s Awareness of this looking. You are aware that the looking is happening. And we are not so worried about the quality of the looking or the quality of the attention or the phenomenal perceiving. But our point is to see that there is an Awareness of this.

Q: Yeah.

A:You see? There is an Awareness even of this. And this Awareness remains untouched. And the recognition is that ‘I am this Awareness, prior to even sight’. This is what we are recognizing.

Now, this cannot leave us. This Awareness is what we are; therefore cannot leave. As hard as we might try to be unaware, we cannot be. Attention might leave us, in that which we call sleep state; this world might leave us, this body might leave us, everything might leave us. Even the sense ‘I Am’ ultimately is coming and going.

And yet, that which is aware even of this sense, is not coming and going. So, this is what you are recognizing Yourself to be.

Now, coming to your point which is that the mind says ‘Yes. This is it. I have recognized myself to be this Awareness’. So, this is it’s version of the replica.

Now, what happens is that something wants to hold onto this. ‘Yes. I really saw it’. And then someone comes and says ‘No, no, but your Seeing is just sounding fake’. [Chuckles] That can really…, either you want to run away from that person or attack that person. We say that ‘Oh, no, no, no’. Because, something wants to guard. We’re not guarding Awareness, are we? We’re guarding that ‘I saw it’ or ‘I have seen the real Awareness’ …, you see? …, which has nothing to do with the real Awareness. The concept: ‘I have seen it’ or the ‘Badge of True Seeing’ has nothing to do with Awareness.

So, if someone wants to take that Badge away from you, then you want to defend that Badge and say ‘No, no. I really deserve it’. Not even for the world, but for your own self; not even self, but this identity of the one who has now ‘Seen the Truth’. You See?

Because, what you expose actually is a fear that ‘What if, it turned out, that I haven’t really seen the Truth?’

So, you said that ‘If someone came and told me that…, if I [Ananta] told you that ‘You haven’t really Seen it’…., then you say ‘That would cause an immense amount of doubt and suffering’.

So, don’t guard any Seeing. [Silence] Just See for yourself, NOW. [Silence]

That’s why I’ve given you a tool like: ‘Who is aware of Awareness?’ [Silence] Then you find that it cannot be taken away, this Awareness. [Silence]

This ability to check, (instead of trying to defend something from the past), is very beautiful. So, now if Krishna himself came and told you that ‘You are just fooling yourself. You have not really Seen It’. You can check: ‘Who is aware even of this?’

The appearance of Krishna; the appearance of the fear or guilt or resentment; the appearance of this Presence ‘I Am’…, all of this: ‘Who is aware of it?’

Then you say that ‘Oh, Krishna is just playing’. [Chuckles]

Q:Or probably, I would ask ‘Are you aware?’ Ask yourself ‘Are you aware?’ also… [Laughing]

A:You would ‘Advaita Police’ Krishna [Laughing]

Q:No, Father, that is just what came. But honestly nothing went inside, what you said. But, I forgot now whatever I was asking.

A: Yes. [Chuckling]

Q:But you know, what I grasp from this talk is that it doesn’t matter what thoughts come. I mean, even if that thought comes, still even in this moment if I check ‘Who is aware? Who is Awareness?’ …, that’s it. You know? I don’t have to know all the rest of the story.

A: [Chuckles] Yes. That’s true.

Q:Okay. Yeah, okay. So, that’s like…, [Sighs] that’s the good thing. But you know what is happening is…,

A:But what I do want to say, (to everyone, not just to you)…, I do want to say that that answer is very useful in this play because, as we look at that answer, we’ll see that the spiritual ego will not be formed. Because the spiritual ego is nothing but a defense of our past insights.

Q: Hmm.

A:You see? It’s nothing but a defense of our past insights. And if you find that something is defending that, know that that it is the spiritual ego.

Q: It can be Krishna also. [Laughing]

A: Yes. It can defend. It can police, ‘Advaita Police’ Krishna also. [Chuckling]

So, it’s very helpful to everyone in the Sangha to know this: That if we find ourself in the defense of some past insight…, because a Sage is not defending his past insight. He is saying ‘Let’s look together. NOW’.

So, if somebody says ‘Oh, you haven’t really Seen. You’re just fooling yourself’ then a Sage would say ‘Okay. Let’s look together and see what we can find together now. I’m completely open to being wrong’. Then we look together. This keeps the freshness alive.

If you’re just relying on some label of Master or some label of a devotee or Sangha member or something like that, know that there is a possibility for the mind to come in over there and try to defend this.

How does it matter what was seen in the past? It only matters what is our living experience NOW.

So, I feel it’s a very useful question and answer; very useful question and answer. Because all of us can contemplate on this for a bit and see: ‘Are we really in defense of our progress? In defense of our Seeing? What is it that wants to defend what happened yesterday?’

If the Seeing was True, then the Seeing is Here NOW. [Silence] And in this freshness, then the ego doesn’t know how to operate.

Q:Hmm, hmm, hmm. Yes, Father. I can see what you are saying. I can clearly see that, because it’s only about the question about what we see. That’s it. It doesn’t matter what the rest of it is.

A: Yes.

Q:So that, yeah, that can’t be. I also noticed one thing, like when or whether I have to see, you know, check myself or something like that, there is resistance, a deep like, you know, like …, it’s already Seen so I don’t want to see.

A:Ahh, ahh. [Chuckles] This is very good you brought it up. Because most who start feeling like this stop coming to Satsang.

Q: Exactly.

A:You see? Because they say, ‘Okay, what are we gonna do? Inquiry? Yeah, I’ve done it’. [Chuckles]

Q:Yeah, exactly. And also, you don’t…, because it says ‘No type of inquiry is required because you’ve already seen it’…., ‘Because, you don’t have to; what will you inquire about? What is there to inquire about?’ What is that about? Honestly, these things are not for me, Father. Okay?

A: Yes. [Nodding, Smiling]

Q:And I wanted to really check, because it was going on…, this thing was going on for the past couple of days. And today I came to a point over the weekend that I have to do this kind of like, surgery, right?…, like a surgery where you keep going deeper and deeper; and to cut that open and to see what is there. That is why I really wanted to speak to you from the weekend itself.

And this is one thing, I had one more thing to ask which I totally forgot now.

A:Okay. This one is important; also this one is important. To smell all this and to expose it is very, very important. You see? Because what is happening is that there is a recognition that has happened. And I’ve said over and over again that the recognition is very helpful to be rid of all conditioning; but is not necessarily just sufficient to be rid of past conditioning. So, what happens is the same trickster mind then says ‘Now you’ve seen it. I see that ‘I’ am aware of Awareness. Now, there is nothing further to go from there. So now, why do you need to do the inquiry? You saw it’. So, one aspect is that you saw it. The inference is that therefore you don’t need the inquiry anymore.

Now, what happens is, it becomes settled in to this. ‘I saw it and therefore I don’t need to do the inquiry anymore’. So, if someone comes and says ‘But, did you really See it?’ then that one is your worst enemy. [Chuckles]

Q: Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

A:Because it was such a strong moment of recognition, that something says ‘Yes, yes. Truly I saw it’. But why is it an attack if someone comes and says that ‘You didn’t really see it’? All you have to do is check right there and then. But the mind will come and say ‘But, you actually saw it. Now, there is no need to keep inquiring’. [Chuckles]

Q:Hmm. Sometimes you buy it. This is very subtle, Father. Without knowing you buy it. Without knowing you buy it.

A:Exactly. So, this is one of the primal tricks of the ego. And, it will slowly, slowly build this wall of defense so high. If it has its way, then it builds a wall of defense so high that in a while, if it is continued like that then, (as impossible as it might seem), you might find that you don’t want to hear even my words. You don’t want to hear even Guruji’s words.

Q: Exactly.

A:You can come to this level where it says that ‘The defense of the Seeing, (which was in the past), becomes so strong that our identity has become so strongly attached to that, that even if those who we called Master earlier come and say ‘Let’s look together’…, we say ‘What is the need to look now? No, no, no. What are you trying to prove? …, that I haven’t seen it?’

No. All I’m saying is ‘Let’s look together’. [Chuckles] You see?

So, it’s very, very important that you brought these things up in Satsang, because it becomes like that. Now, you‘ve come to the top of the mountain; you’ve really arrived. And what it says is…, subtly what it’s telling you is that ‘Seeing is or Inquiry is effort’. You see? ‘Inquiry was so painful and finally ‘I Saw It!’ and I got so much relief’. So, it wants to hold onto the concept of what was seen. And then ‘Oh, I don’t really want to take the effort anymore. I know what is there, it’s Awareness’. [Chuckles]

So, just know, (all of you, just know that), if something is bringing you back to the past Seeing and saying ‘But, you saw it. Now, you saw it! What is the point of doing it fresh?’…, but a Sage will never say ‘Don’t inquire’. A Sage would never say, ‘Let’s not look now, because I have seen it’. A Sage will always be up for the inquiry. And as you are inquiring, they are also inquiring. This is authentic, because it comes from the place of direct Seeing, right NOW.

Because if I was just vomiting out old stuff, which was seen earlier, then it would be quite boring. You see? It would be quite lifeless. It would be a lecture. It would be a seminar. It would not be Satsang.

The point of Satsang, is to come to the company of the Truth. The company of the Truth or the Presence of the Truth must be fresh Truth NOW. Not on some replica, old replica of what happened ten-years ago. You see? Must be NOW.

So, you never find someone, who is authentically sharing from the place of Seeing, saying that ‘Okay. I’m relying on that Seeing now. Now, you come to that point which I was at ten-years ago’…, or something like that.

We’re saying ‘Let’s look together. What do we find here? What do we find here?’

Even More Important to Come to Satsang After Realization

Q:What’s happening is…, let’s say when I’m checking right now instead of going to the direct experience, it’s going to the inference as well.

A: Yes, exactly, exactly, exactly.

Q:This, this is where the resistance is kicking in. Second thing, when you go to the mental inference, you don’t have that (you don’t feel that) freshness and you don’t feel to look into it again. So you end up coming back.

A: Yes, exactly.

Q:And this is so intense that you forget the direct experience. Because I was watching one of Rupert’s [Spira] videos where he was talking about experience and the mental noise; what to do.

A: Yes.

Q:And it was so clear to me. And that’s why…, I mean he was telling it in a very simple way because he was describing ‘Aware’ and was describing what the thoughts were telling, but the body was giving him the direct experience. Sitting in the train and looking through the window; that was his direct experience.

A: Yes.

Q:But the mental mind was saying ‘Okay, there are so many [thoughts]. ‘The flight might get delayed, I might go late, I might do this’. So, from this I grasped what is the direct experience.

A: Very good.

Q:I was thinking that from here, it is the direct experience; but it’s not, it’s not. Right now, my direct experience is that ‘I can feel the heat, I am talking to you and I can hear violin music’. And all the things of direct experience. ‘You’re not talking right; not what you’re seeing’. This is what is coming up, you know? You don’t have to see this. That’s how I got that clarity. But as I said, (this was my next question actually), it actually kind of stopped me going into direct experience. So I was not getting direct experience. And that’s why I was not happy and that’s why I am not getting that complete satisfaction. You know? Like I’m done with this worldly thing, I am not getting total satisfaction. You know? I need to have that and I’m looking for that deep satisfaction of whatever that is, Father, and that’s why I’m going deeper, digging deeper and deeper and deeper. Yeah, I don’t know so you have to help me now.

A:Yes. It’s very good what you say, because let’s unravel even one level deeper. Why is it that many times in response to the direct recognition of the Truth, what gets formed is the spiritual ego?

Q: Yes.

A:So, what happens is that mostly before the recognition of the Truth we can say that our life has been full of suffering. In fact, many have said that it is this suffering itself which provides the momentum for the inquiry, for us to look and to come to the recognition.

Now what happens is that in the moment of recognition, there is a great lightness that comes. ‘Oh! It feels like there is no separation, there’s no boundaries, it’s so beautiful’. You see? It might even be accompanied by love and bliss and all of these things.

So, now what happens is that the mind says ‘This is it! This is the end of suffering. This Seeing that you’ve had is your self-realization, is your liberation’. The mind comes and makes all these pictures like ‘You cannot suffer anymore’. And because it feels authentic at that moment, we buy all of these ideas. And something feel like ‘I have reached the pinnacle in this world. There is nothing more to inquire into. And what did I find? I found that there was nothing’. You see?

So, now what happens is that if these concepts itself become the over-riding ‘I saw the Truth. There is nothing to do. In reality I didn’t even see anything phenomenal’…, (which is all true), but now these concepts themselves become the over-riding defenders of what was seen in the past. And it feel see like ‘Oh, there was freedom from suffering here and I must hold onto that’. These are very subtle things. You see?

Q:Exactly. That’s why I’m struggling, Father, because it’s not possible to…, you cannot keep the same …

A:These are very subtle things. So, because the relief from suffering is there, it’s like ‘I had a whiff of a drug and it felt like my life was the best!’ So then you become addicted to that drug.

So what happens is that now if anyone comes and says ‘Can we look again now at what is actually happening?’ is that there is fear: ‘Now, suppose I look now and I don’t find it? I will come back to that suffering state’.

Q:Sorry, Father it makes me laugh and laugh if somebody comes to hammer ‘Are you aware?’ [Laughing] [Inaudible]

A:[Laughs] Yes, like that; literally you will give them an Advaita defense. ‘It’s true, it’s true!’ Literally you will give them an Advaita defense. ‘Who are you to ask me? I am Awareness!’ If someone says ‘You haven’t seen it’ or ‘Can we inquire together?’ actually what is coming is that, (whether it is understood or not), something is taking it as an attack.

Q:Exactly. Looking back, it just asks ‘Okay, check yourself and tell me first whether you are Aware of this also’.

A:Yes. [Laughs] No, no, it has happened here many times where those in the sangha have had the moments of recognition. And then I said ‘Okay, let’s continue to look’. And [they say] ‘No you look. I am happy where I am. I don’t need to look anymore. Are you doubting my Seeing?’ I am not doubting any Seeing. This Seeing cannot be lost. I am only doubting the concepts that we have started to believe about ourselves.

So, together if you find that these kinds of things are taking hold, and if someone says ‘Let’s look together or do the inquiry ‘Are you really free? Have you really seen it?’ and if that is seen as an attack, it seems like ‘Oh, I’m being attacked’. And it can come from your own Master. And if even your own Masters voice is starting to sound like an attack then you have to remember that it is he who said ‘There is a need to look again’.

But because there is fear of going back to that suffering state or that seeker state, we would rather be a pretend-enlightened being, enlightened ‘person’ than go back to the pretend-seeking, because it seems like the higher…

Q:And one more thing, Father. Now it seems as if the mind has taken over the…, (I don’t know what to call it)…, it’s normal seeking, but it’s like ‘I’m going to wait for it to emerge’ or something like that. And I saw that as well and that was kind of very subtle again. Waking is only for mind. Why does it have to reveal itself? To whom does it have to reveal? You know? So there’s actually nothing necessary, Father, you know? There’s nothing to do. And it’s not in the seeking state, which is very subtle, you know? I could have gone…, actually I was waiting all these days; because as I said previously I’m in a place where (I don’t know what it is) I couldn’t connect to anyone, even to you or any Master. I’m not able to connect to anyone. Honestly I don’t know why. And not to anything. So, then mind made up kind of an interpretation of the event, that ‘That means what? That you’re waiting for something to come up, for something to happen’. That has been happening. ‘You will become something? Or maybe, who knows?’ And even though I was not buying it; but kind of at the back was ‘I think I have bought it’ was believed. And then suddenly one day it came up to the light and ‘Yeah, I can see that’. So, this is very subtle, Father. It was Seen. I don’t know how you deal with these things; I don’t know.

A:Yes, That is why it is said that it is even more important after an awakening experience or the recognition of the Truth to keep coming to satsang. You see? Because this is the most fertile ground for ‘Rajan’ [name for ego-mind used playfully in the sangha] to be born.

Q: Exactly, exactly. That’s why also I don’t believe anything now because I know it’s not

True. It’s not true what anyone thinks; it’s never the Truth. It’s never the Truth because if somebody says ‘I’ve seen it’ then it’s not true, it can never be True. Nobody can see it.

A: If it’s about the past then it is worth nothing. It is as simple as that.

Why do I used the Rajan example? Because it’s very, very representation is the spiritual ego itself. So, what is Rajan’s voice? If you hear it, will start sounding like the spiritual ego’s voice because he says ‘Why should I bow down to Ram? I’m also God. I am also God. What is He that I am not?’ Same thing: ‘I am God’ the Advaita-mind is saying this. ‘What is the difference? Why should I listen to my teacher now? Why should I inquire now?’ How does the story end? Now, a spiritual ego (I mean)…, the normal ego just needs one whack, one cut of the head. The spiritual ego needs to be cut off ten times. So, we should keep building that; because Advaita is the best thorn to remove other thorns, but if Advaita itself gets embedded as a thorn then who will remove this thorn? It is only life which can remove that thorn.

Q:So, Father, is this also spiritual ego?

A:Which one?

Q:Whatever I am seeing, whatever I am seeing, Father.

A:You see, when you have this innocence to be able to come and say ‘Father what is this? Is this also spiritual ego?’ that means it cannot be ego. Because the ego it is not open to looking, it is not open to checking, it is not open to being wrong. You want to be right; when you want to be right, then we are stuck. So, it becomes a confluence of all these forces. ‘I don’t want to suffer anymore. I want to hang onto an image of what was seen in the past and I don’t want to shake it. I don’t want anyone to come and shake my perspective of my freedom. So, if you want to do that, I don’t want to talk to you’. It becomes like that.

Q: Ooooh. Thankfully, not that.

A:But the best is that usually what you will find, if you see it in yourself or in others, you will feel like everybody else is coming from their mind. Everybody else is coming from the mind and only you’re speaking from a pure place. [Chuckles]

Q:I don’t know if I’m speaking from a pure place but can I certainly accept the fact that others are coming from their mind and I don’t know, I’m not. See, maybe it is mind; it is also saying this, Father. That’s one thing I’ve noticed.

A:I’m just giving you the symptoms of this disease called ‘spiritual ego’. I am not saying that you’re suffering from it because you would not be here. I would have to chase you down and talk to you if it was like this. [Chuckles]

Q: Yes, Father.

If There is Suffering, Use It as an Opportunity to Inquire

Q:I will be at peace and totally relaxed and everything is fine and joyful; suddenly I get a call from my home and then the whole world is upside down. Then there is only pain, crying, all kind of things come up. Is this also part of the mind which is happening? Because why does all this happen? I was happy until the morning; and my dad called and he was telling me his story what was going on at home. I don’t believe it, not believe it; there’s always something happening, you know. So, is that also part of the mind thing? Because sometimes if it doesn’t work in that way, it maybe can distract me this way; something like that?

A:Yes. If there is suffering, then there is belief in the mind. So, instead of feeling bad or guilt about that, what we can do is to inquire into the identity which still remains strong. Because belief goes only to that which we are identified with. And that which we are identified with is our identity. So, instead as looking at it as something bad which happens to you, look at it as an opportunity to inquire.

So, when you say ‘When my dad says…’ or something, ‘When my family says…’ then inquire into that identity of ‘Who is the daughter? Who is the one that wants a particular way for the family to be?’

Q:Oh, yeah. I know. Something is there which is still wanting them to be happy. But is that wrong to have a wish that your family should be happy; your parents and…, you know? Is that something wrong, Father? I don’t think so.

A:This is a good question. So, what you can do is bless them to be happy, and know that the outcome is all up to the Satguru or up to God, (whatever you have faith in, you can say).

One is that because we are attached to the outcome of what we want; only then we suffer.

Which child will not want their parents to be happy? Nothing wrong with that. But when we are attached, it must be because ‘I think they must be happy’. You see? That causes suffering for us.

So, we can bless them; we can pray for their happiness. Nothing wrong. Although more and more you’ll find it more and more difficult to pray for specific things.

Q: Exactly.

A:You’ll kind that everything you know is your Master’s grace anyway. So the prayer usually will not arise in a specific way. But even if it arises in a specific way, a prayer is not a business deal; a prayer is a petition.

Q: Yeah. I can see that. I can see that.

The Point is ‘What About Now?’

A:Anil said ‘Father when a tsunami of thoughts and emotions strike, all attention is drawn to it. It is difficult to find the center, please guide’.

Yes, yes, yes. You see, that is why we have satsang everyday Monday to Friday, otherwise we could just have one satsang, because mostly we repeat everything in that one satsang. If it was as simple as it being pointed out once and [then it’s] over, then it would be very simple; but it’s not like that. That’s why I’ve been saying that even after the recognition of the Truth it takes a while for this conditioning to become lighter and lighter you see (mostly). And these events, when they happen, we start to look at them as opportunities to shed some of the conditioning instead of looking at them as events which add to new conditioning.

So, first that attitude will start changing. When something pokes us, then we contemplate into it. We inquire into it rather than believing ideas about it. As this changes then, over a period of whatever time is natural, over that period of time this conditioning becomes lighter and lighter and lighter.

For you, you have the best Maha-mantra, which is the Maha-mantra of surrender at the feet of the Master. So, when these situations come, they’re a beautiful opportunity to surrender. Can even these be surrendered? You see? It questions…, the mind will come and question our surrender in those times. So then we see ‘Yes, because as a person I’m completely powerless, therefore only my Satguru can handle all of this event also’.

So it is said that our surrender is tested. (I don’t like to use the word tested so much because if I start saying tested then we start making report cards of our self very fast.) These events and opportunities will come for us to surrender and to inquire, and that deepening is very important. That is why so much I have been warning today about prematurely making proclamations of freedom, prematurely giving relief to the spiritual ego, because then what happens when these events come is that our identity has been so strongly attached to being ‘a free person now’ that it causes more dichotomy. Then, even though inwardly we may be feeling belief in fear, belief in thoughts, and some suffering is coming…, but the mind is also at the same time saying ‘But you’re Free now, you cannot be suffering, you cannot be’. So, that can cause even more churning and more trouble. So, the spiritual ego is the most burdensome place to be.

So, in this way, when a tsunami of thoughts and outward events are appearing, then based on our temperament and based on what our Master has advised us, we can inquire into ‘Who is it that is suffering through this?’ Or just say ‘It is my Fathers problem’. And it doesn’t happen 100% of the time, so don’t create a report card of how well you surrendered or how well you inquired; that is also hanging on to something that happened in the past. Whatever happened, happened. The point is ‘What about Now?’

And as we stabilize more and more, as we come to satsang more and more, then you find that the attraction to these thoughts, the attraction to the tsunami of events, (as you call them), will not be so much.

But what’s very good is that we are not getting into an Advaita denial of how much things are hurting us or how much fear we are feeling because that can be a very constricted state. So as you are going, keep going; and keep surrendering everything at the feet of my Master. And you will find that everything is getting lighter and lighter and lighter.

Q:Father, can I just speak for two minutes?

A:Yes.

Q:Four months back I was on the top of the world, you know, seeing everything, nothingness and all that stuff. And for three weeks I’m not doing any inquiry, I’m not reading any book, I’m not making any effort at all other than simply surrendering at the feet of Guruji [Mooji].

A: Yes.

Q:And now I feel I have gone to the bottom of the world, you know, totally collapsed and I’m not even doing the inquiry actually. You know? I feel I’m not even at that place from where I started. I have gone much, much down; much, much down. But still I’m not doing any inquiry. I’m not reading any book. And the mind is trying to find some kind of support system. And too much is happening and there’s too much person-hood also, too much person-hood and anger and everything is coming up, but I’m still only surrendering to Master.

A: Yes.

Q:So I’m not even making the inquiry. Should I make the inquiry or not? Because I know if I make the inquiry, I’ll come of out this thing. So, should I make the inquiry or still surrender the inquiry at Guruji’s feet?

A:All that is happening. You say ‘I am surrendering. And now I’m at the bottom of the world’. So, surrender this also. This surrender is the opposite of person-hood. As long as nothing is ‘My personal problem’ and everything is my Master’s problem, then there can be no conditioning, there can be no person. And you’re coming to this and the mind itself is coming and saying ‘But now you’re at the bottom of the world’. But I see so much more sobriety in your voice, I find so much more humility in your presence. These are very good, because what I can see is that inquiry, in your case, becomes very, very…, activates a lot of mind concepts, you see? It makes it very active and makes it very anxious; and all of these things it is giving you.

That is why I’ve been suggesting to you that, for you, that easier might be just to surrender everything at the feet of the Master. And like you said very beautifully, ‘Even the happening or

not happening of the inquiry is Guruji’s problem now’. And I find that although you might be feeling you were ‘At the bottom of the rung now and I was at a beautiful place of seeing’…, this past is irrelevant. Exactly what I was talking about earlier. Because the mind will make replicas of our seeing and feed our spiritual ego.

So now I find your Presence a lot more beautiful, a lot more filled with humility and sobriety. Leave the bench mark, the report card also to my Master. It’s his problem to take you wherever he has to take you.

Therefore, I don’t really believe this report that you’re at the bottom of the rung or something, and I suggest you also don’t believe it. Because it’s a very beautiful Presence today. I enjoy very much this Presence; this humble, sober presence. So, keep surrendering like this. Don’t activate your mind. Even if those moments of activation happen of the mind, then you know that they’re surrendered at my Father’s feet. And when the inquiry is meant to happen, then that will also happen very beautifully. There is no devotee with true devotion in his heart who has not been blessed by the Gyan of the Truth.

So, I have complete faith in my Master’s Presence and I know that he is taking care of everything.

Q:Thank you so much, Father.

A:Thank you, thank you.

The Recognition of This, and the Letting Go of the False

So, suppose the impossible happened? The impossible happened and you lost the ‘I’. Huh? [Chuckles] You, you lost the ‘I’. And then you started looking for this ‘I’. Where would you start? Where would start looking for this ‘I’? Right here, isn’t it?

So when we search right here, what is it that we find?

It’s so simple actually; it’s too simple. The struggle is because it is so simple. Hmm?

When we look here, what do we find? We find that there is a realm of appearances and also there is a looking. There is all that appears, and also there is an Awareness of that. Hmm?

And all that appears, also is ultimately seen to be not separate from that which is aware of it. This is true for all of us. Hmm?

Right now, who can say the appearances are not appearing? Can someone say? No one can say? Therefore in that itself, you are saying that ‘I am aware of these appearances’. You see?

Now the only confusion that happens seemingly, is that one of the appearances…, it seems so intimate.

Let’s say one, let’s call the body-mind construct one appearance. This body-mind construct seems so intimate that we started to feel that we are this appearance, this appearance. But in reality, nothing changed. You continued only to be aware of it. You see?

Just like the ocean found the waves so pristine, so beautiful. And as this wave, seemingly forgetting that it is the entire ocean; in the same way this tiny blip of appearances has been compelling.

And there has been this belief that ‘I must be a part of this appearance’. And all it needs is belief. It is only this voice in the head. You see?

Nothing else is saying ‘You are just a body. You are just a thought. You are just an emotion’ except this one appearance, that we call the mind. [Silence]

Have we seen this? Do we see this, like this? Everything is just what it Is…, appearing and dissolving, appearing and dissolving, coming and going. [Silence]

And yet, do we even say that everything is coming and going? Who can say that? To say that ‘Everything in this world of appearances is constantly changing, is coming and going…, even the world is coming and going…, even the waking state is coming and going, the sleep state is coming and going, dreams are coming and going’…, who can say that?

If you are an object within one these states, would it possible for you to say that ‘This state is coming and going’? [Silence] See, not possible is it?

If you were just [Inaudible], then would you notice the coming and going of the dream? If you were just this body, in this state, would you know the coming and going of this waking state?

You see? You could not. So there is something that Knows that every appearance is coming and going. You see? Not as a concept but from direct experience. ‘I went to sleep, I had a dream, I woke up’. [Chuckles]

I read a quote today after [Inaudible]. (It sounds a bit crazy but it was my quote). [Chuckling] But I enjoyed it a lot.

I said, [Chuckling] I said, ‘Why don’t we say that…, why do we say that I am aware, this body’s aware or this chair is aware or this tree is aware’? You see?

What is this ‘I’ [Silence] that is aware?

[Silence]

I know you’re jaded with this question. [Chuckles] I know you’re a bit jaded with this question; maybe I’ll change the language as we go along. [Chuckles] Huh?

But when we say ‘I am aware’ which I are we truly talking about? Is it just a presumed I? An idea of I? Are you just an idea?

When we say ‘I am aware’…, when we look for the ‘I Am’ are you still grappling for who you are? An idea will not help you. You see?

A label will not help you, fancy label as it might be, Awareness or Consciousness. Hmm? They don’t help. It is the recognition of this and the letting go of the false.

[Silence]

So the minute we say ‘Who is aware?’ the mind will come and say ‘Yes I know, it is Awareness’. What is the big deal in that? [Chuckles] Hmm? This answer is worthless. You see?

So what is important?

Who is aware? [Silence] Who is it that is aware?

And as you ask this question, don’t resist anything; don’t try to block anything out. [Silence] You see?

So there will be a perceiving of sounds. There will be a perceiving of sensations. And who is aware even of this perceiving?

[Silence]

I have a one-two punch, in response to the ego’s one-two punch. [Chuckles] Now, our response to the ego is one-two punch. And you all know this.

So the first punch is ‘Are you aware now?’ [Inaudible] know, because you know this? At the core of you’re being, you know you are aware!

The mind might resist and come and say ‘Say no, say no’, but very rarely and only in very rarely and only in varied states does someone come and say ‘No, I am not aware’. You see?

If they really understood the question, then to be able to even say ‘No, I am unaware’, there must be an awareness that ‘I am unaware’. Isn’t it? You cannot escape it. [Silence] It is inescapable.

Are you aware now? [Silence] Unmistakably and undeniably you are. You see?

And who is aware of this? Who is aware of this Awareness? Who knows the meaning of Awareness? Hmm? Not the definition; not the dictionary meaning.

Who knows what it means to be aware? Why do you say ‘aware’ and not ‘I’m smelling’ or ‘I am tasting’? [Inaudible] this aware?

And this is where the mind will come and protest. You see? And say ‘but now, now is when it get too mind-y for me’. You see? This is where it’s the end of the mind; the mind comes and says ‘but now it becomes too mental for me’. [Chuckles] ‘Oh it’s just too mental’.

It is not mental at all. I am not asking you for a thought about something. It is just because something feels lost, and it tries to get some imminence again, so it uses the resistance of these words ‘Oh, it becomes too mental here’. [Silence] The mind cannot reach this.

Are you aware now? [Silence] How do you know this Awareness? What does it look like? What does it feel like? What does it taste like?

[Silence]

The mind cannot help you. Because the question is too simple.

[Silence]

Who does this Awareness belong to?

[Silence]

You can ask about anything. If a visual is coming, dark space, ask ‘Who is it appearing to? Who is aware of the dark space?’ because you don’t have an answer. It is very important not to have an answer first.

[Silence]

Who is aware of the space between your thoughts?

[Silence]

Who is aware of the sense that ‘I exist, I Am’?

[Silence]

Is Awareness phenomenal or non-phenomenal?

[Long silence]

Allow the movement of your attention to go wherever it likes. Don’t resist anything.

[Silence]

Now just by what comes of looking, find out the color of this attention. Not the color of the object, but the color of the attention Itself.

[Long silence]

Play with your attention. Send it to the most distant sound…, the farthest thing that you can hear…, bring your attention to that. [Silence]

And now bring your attention to the beating of your heart.

[Silence]

Very easily you are able to move your attention. But what is this attention? Does it have a weight? Does it have a size, a color? [Silence] Just look.

[Silence]

You will find that this attention is colorless. [Silence]

Now find the color of the one that is looking at your attention. [Silence]

You are aware of your attention, which is colorless. What is the color of the one who is aware of it?

[Silence]

Is this Awareness black or white? Unlimited space or smaller than an atom? All of these visuals can come, but who is aware of them?

[Long silence]

As you are coming to this direct Self-recognition, the mind will try to lure you away. Don’t fight the mind. Allow it to come and to go. Remain open. Remain empty.

[Silence]

Don’t be concerned with the movement of your attention. Ask instead ‘Who is aware of this attention?’ [Silence]

Let go of all sense of control. All sense of effort. [Silence] There is no right or wrong way to do this. [Silence]

Because it is not a doing at all; it is what you already are.

[Silence]

Allow everything; remain open.

[Silence]

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.

Awareness is Attribute-less, So How is it Arrogance to Say ‘I’?

A:Actually, every moment is the end of it. Isn’t it?

Q:[Nodding Affirmatively]

A:NOW is the end of it. Unless we pick it up [Chuckles] and then it’s the end of it. We’re just tired of this game now. And we’re now coming to this place of stopping or stopping to try also. Because individuality, personality, ego, basically has to be picked up. It is not natural. Is it?

Q:No. And I’ve found that it usually is accompanied with some kind of…, (in fact, I would say my experience, is always…, but like with a varying kind of care), degree of obviousness or sensitivity or something. It’s like, there’s always some kind of constriction, like a vibration that’s not rooted in an openness. It’s always got some kind of like conditional….

A: Tightness?

Q:Tightness, yeah. And so it seems like as fast as the thoughts dropped or the belief is not given then suddenly the attention just falls upon the actual accompanying vibration that’s there and then that’s allowed.

A: Yes.

Q:So, I guess it’s just this sometimes; just for example: Inquiry. Nobody here. And it doesn’t feel like there’s an ‘I’ that’s found that there’s nobody here anymore. It’s just a knowing and it’s a kind of recognition that…, (I think you talk about this), the Awareness has the capacity and the intelligence to recognize that there’s nobody’s here, without creating a ‘somebody’ to say there’s nobody here.

A: Yes. Good.

Q:But then there could come a thought like ‘Oh, how did I ever believe that there was somebody here?’ And that one does belong to a ‘somebody’ and it’s like there’s always a potential of that. So, I guess like…, just really open, (well not really even open)…

A:Yes, yes. What is also very good is to see that. Because when you See that there’s nobody here, then you find that it is Known.

Now because the discovery is that there is nobody here, there can be a bit of a resistance to saying ‘I know this’. You see?

Q: Yes. That was it exactly.

A:Because what is found is there is nobody here and the minute I say ‘I know this’, then I’m creating a ‘somebody’ again. But this is not True, ultimately. You see?

Q:Yeah. It comes with a kind of wariness to sound arrogant; to say to somebody, (and also like in the Sangha, to say), ‘Yeah, I found that there’s nobody here’ feels like ‘Oh, God’. You know?

A:Yes. [Chuckles] ‘There’s their spiritual ego’.

Q:Yeah, exactly.

A:But sometimes it can come from this place of not wanting to seem special. Sometimes it’s also the fear of not wanting to sound inaccurate or something. You see?

Because when you just say that there is nobody here, and the next sentence is that ‘I found’…, [Chuckles] it sounds like you’re contradicting yourself. So it just sounds…, it can be anywhere on the scale of ‘fear of being arrogant’ or ‘being seen as spiritual ego’. Any of that can be there.

But the fact is that THIS that is Aware is ‘I’. It’s just that we’ve been mis-using ‘I’ for so long; as if it was an appearance in this play. That’s why now to give it the right pointer, to give it the right label, seems to have attached to it either arrogance or spiritual ego.

But, it is ‘I’ which is Aware. Just it’s not this ‘I’ which we’ve been using ‘I’ for in the past. You see?

We’ve used it for the body-mind, we’ve used it for the ego for so long that now when we say ‘I’ it means for many, (especially in Advaita), it seems to imply ego. But actually, the whole point of Advaita is to move the ‘I’ from there to the reality of what it IS. You see? That is why it is the Self!

Q: Like, um…, [Silence]

A:As you contemplate the question, something’s coming up to say…,

Q:Something’s coming, something’s coming…, sorry.

A:The whole distinction, (not the whole distinction, but)…, a big part of the distinction between Vedanta, traditional Advaita Vedanta, and Buddhism was this. Where Buddha said that ‘There is no self.’ The No-self. And the Self became then a label for the ego. So ‘There is no self’ implied that ‘There is no ego’ or ‘There is no individual’.

And then Adi Shankara, he actually said that ‘This no-self, what you call the no-self, there is individuality in that’. It’s not even phenomenal. Although phenomena is an aspect of it. But it, by itself, IS the Self. You see? So, the instant we say ‘Self’ it implies ‘I’…, the real ‘I’.

See, the problem is not just semantic, or otherwise I would have just left it. The reason why I have been emphasizing it is because it becomes like, when we have these self-inquiry experiences, these experiences in self-inquiry, many times the mind will offer you a thought like ‘Yes. I saw. I saw Awareness now’. You see? Or ‘I’ …, and we bring the personal ‘I’ back, in that sense, and it makes Awareness an experience or the product of some self-inquiry.

And it might try and maintain a distinction between ‘I’ and Awareness because it wants it to seem that ‘I am Awareness’. Which means it’s pretty much ‘game over’. You see?

So, even in that, it tries to create a distinction and says ‘Yes, yes. I had a very nice experience of Awareness and I saw nothing is happening to Awareness. But how does that help me in my day to day life?’ So this ‘me’…, it created a distinction and then again the false me was given some belief.

That is why it is important to see that it is ‘I’ that is Aware. Just not in the way we have been using the ‘I’…, but in Reality it is ‘I’.

There is only ‘I’.

I am That.

You see?

It is not ‘That is That’.

It is ‘I Am That’.

As we get comfortable, (not conceptually), but comfortable with this emptiness, with this no- thingness being I, we must audit this for ourselves. Are we comfortable with this emptiness, no- thingness, non-phenomenal ‘I’? And as you get comfortable with this, then the urge to pick up the false ‘I’ will not be so compelling, so strong.

Otherwise, many times we see we have a recognition of it. And many times, because it might even be fear more than arrogance that we rush to pick up a ‘I’…, to call Awareness ‘I’. So, we pick up the false identity, presuming that to refer to ourself as ‘I’ is arrogant. But actually, to refer to ourself as anything other than ‘I’ is arrogance; that there was some individual here which had the power to separate, really separate itself.

All of us should contemplate a little bit on this and why it feels like ‘I am Awareness’ would be arrogance. Because Awareness is attribute-less. How could Awareness be arrogant?

Q:I think it’s because there’s maybe some historic association between making the statement ‘I can clearly see I am Awareness’ …, like that somehow equates to…, saying that also means that I’m saying ‘I am free of all conditioning’ basically.

A: It’s not true.

Q:And so it seems kind of paradoxical to sincerely say that. I think this is what it is. I think it’s a fear where I might say to somebody…, (so, say, if I’m speaking to somebody about seeker identity), ‘Clear. You can see right now ‘Who is the seeker?’ and therefore the seeker also doesn’t exist and if the seeker doesn’t exist, (which can be Seen), then what’s left to do? What are you waiting for?’ And this type of thing. And then five-minutes later, to get angry because somebody’s moved something that I left there, or eaten something that I just…, or whatever it is.

A: [Laughing]

Q:You know what I mean?

A:The roommate? [Chuckles]

Q:Or even to get annoyed with a rickshaw driver, (anything like that), seems like ‘Oh, no, hang on a minute, I thought you said you were Awareness?’ and ‘Who’s…?’

I think it’s that. Just want to be honest. I just want it to be, (if I make a statement like that), to be consistent or something like that. I think that’s maybe what it is.

A:Yes, yes. Do you want to see how Awareness operates in the world, in its dynamic aspect? [Chuckles] Just look at your life. [Chuckles] The idea is that ‘I am operating from a space of imperfection’ but this is all there is; it’s all about You. This is how Awareness is running its life. The play of Consciousness is the play of Awareness. There is no other perfection, but just This. [Chuckles]

These mental benchmarks; even that is part of the complete perfection of this play. To say that ‘Okay, I said that I’m Awareness. I’m not seeking anymore’. And I’m telling you ‘Why didn’t you clean your plate?’ [Chuckles] Yes. That’s the play of the same…, the ONE that is playing. It doesn’t have to express itself in a special form. Um? [Silence]

Although having said that, many times this can become like an Advaita excuse for bad behavior. So, I want to make that point also. Learn to smell whether something is coming from a space of individuality or not. And then let go. Then all the tools, all the pointings, everything is available. So those are just opportunities now. Rather than beating yourself up about them, and then saying ‘I’ve created such a nice enlightened self-image and just five-minutes later; my anger!’ You see? It’s ‘my’ anger! [Laughing]

So then when we start presenting ourselves for these things; when we start instead looking at them as opportunities; and saying ‘Conditioning still plays here’. But it doesn’t touch the Truth in any way’. And yet, in this play, conditioning is a very seemingly-vibrant force. Isn’t it?

Then we just meet the moment as it is. Openly. When we create ideas about how the one that is free or liberated should be, then it creates a lot of trouble. You see? And that is why it’s good

news when we look back at the lives of all the Sages, you’ll find that everyone had a different expression. There’s no constant thing you can say about them.

We have Sages in India who have cursed entire lineages. You’ve heard of the stories of Parshuram and all that, who’ve destroyed entire lineages of Gods and entire lineages of people in this realm. We had Sages who…, one time a King or someone looked at his wife and he cursed her to stay and to remain like a stone for hundreds of years. Is that enlightened behavior? [Chuckling] You see? So again, it was quoted later that ‘Oh, it was…. something’. But it’s just

showing you. For me they’re encouraging stories to show that in the play, appearances still come; anger can still come, lust can…,

Q:So, I had anger…, [Laughing]

A:[Laughing]

Q:I’ve never cursed anyone to be destroyed. [Laughing]

A:[Inaudible] You see? [Laughing] So, all these things can still come. There are so many in the Sangha can keep beating themselves up. ‘If I’m free, then why do I still feel desire or lust?’ It’s okay. You see?

It is the second punch of guilt which is this ‘Why am I like this? Why am I like this? When will this go? Why am I not free?’ which reinforces the false sense of ‘I’. But just in the normal day to day flow of life, all these energetic sensations can come and they can go.

But most importantly, I feel, is the opportunity to see whether we are attached to some form of a self-image. We want to be seen as someone who is free or who is not seeking anymore or something. We see there is something that is also seeking then, isn’t it? That’s why life keeps giving us these opportunities. And this continues.

If there’s anyone that comes and says ‘In my life now, there is no more insight, there is nothing more that life shows me which allows me to look deeper’ then I’d be very skeptical about these words. Because at least the experience here is that it is constant fresh insight, fresh expression. I don’t feel that the waking state would come up if this potential for a deepening, this potential for a fresh insight was no longer there.

Finding Awareness in Deep Sleep

A:Anna says ‘Anantaji, in the contemplation, I’m conscious of the Awareness. While in deep sleep, I can’t say I’m conscious of the Awareness. I’m stuck in this. Could you help me understand this? Thank you’.

Yes, my dear. Let’s look together. Maybe it is just a question of terms and how we are using them; that whatever we report about deep sleep, whether we say there is something there or nothing there…, the usual one is to say that there is really nothing there in sleep state. Isn’t it? We say ‘There’s nothing in sleep state’.

Now, the Knowing that there is no phenomenal thing in sleep state, this Knowing-ness Itself is what I call Awareness.

So, this which has no attribute…, you cannot even call it a Presence actually, it is before ‘I Am’…., and yet we are aware that there is something called sleep. It’s not like we’re going from

waking-to-dream from dream-to-waking and there is no Knowing of something called sleep state. We say that ‘I went to sleep and I woke up’. So there is a Knowing-ness of this. And we say ‘What was sleep like? Oh, there was nothing there. There is nothing I can report on sleep state’…, which means that there is a Knowing-ness or an Awareness that there was nothing; no phenomena, no phenomenal experience including that which we call ‘Being’ or ‘I Am’.

So, I would call this Awareness of nothing.

Then what happened? Then we say ‘I woke up at 7:30’. So, what happened at 7:30 that we say that ‘I woke up’? Did something change for this Awareness? We find that Awareness remained unchanged. Awareness remained unchanged, but there was now this Presence of Being, this ‘I Am-ness’ was there. ‘I exist’. This sense came into existence with that which we call the waking state. (Or…, actually, the waking state is IN that. But let’s not confuse ourself with that.)

So, this ‘I Am-ness’ is now here, the sense that ‘I exist’. This is what I usually refer to. We say ‘Now there is an Awareness of Consciousness. And in sleep state there was just Awareness’.

So, maybe the simplest explanation could be that we are exchanging the terms. Maybe the way you’re using ‘Consciousness’ I refer to that as ‘Awareness’.

We can look. So, if you have found something in your experience that was not in resonance with what I just shared about this, you can ask, and we can look further into that.

This is How the Ego is Kept Alive

The ego has two very strong legs. (Not very strong, but seemingly strong legs.) Two ‘D’s. First we know very well, which is ‘Doer-ship’. But maybe the stronger one is this Desire.

What is desire? Basically, the mantra of the ego is ‘What’s in it for me?’ It comes into every situation in life saying ‘Okay, what’s in it for me?’ This catering to a ‘me’ which is basically non-existent; we cannot find the ‘me’ but we continue to cater to it.

In one of the silent intensives, we invented this guy called ‘Rajan’. We said that we hear this voice which says ‘This is what you must have for lunch. This is what your next one hour must be. This is what you must find’. We hear this voice, through our thoughts, through our mind. And we said ‘Okay, let’s call that Rajan’s voice’. Rajan; we just gave it a name. I don’t know why that name came, ‘Rajan’. [Chuckles] This is Rajan’s voice and Rajan is saying ‘Do this, do that; don’t do this, don’t do that; say this, don’t say that’. But the prime motivation is to cater to this one. So the ‘What’s in it for me?’ is catering, (for most of humanity), to this one that we cannot really find.

So, we’ve gone from place to place, thing to thing, money, relationship, body; we keep searching, and in the same way we search for something called freedom. So, even freedom is about ‘What’s in it for me?’…, ‘Because I have heard that the final bliss or the final joy or the final happiness will come once I get something called freedom. I’ve tried all the other things, (mostly)’. Those who come to satsang usually have tried a lot of things, and they come this way, saying ‘Okay, this doesn’t do it. This doesn’t do it. This doesn’t do it’…, ‘I thought money would make me happy. It doesn’t’…, ‘I thought to get the perfect partner, (man or woman), would make me really happy. It doesn’t’…, ‘I thought that keeping the body really healthy would make me happy. It doesn’t’. This thing…, which is unfulfilled. Then we’ve heard in books and other teachers say ‘Find freedom, and that is your amrit; your final bowl of bliss, never-ending nectar of immortality’. But even this is motivated by ‘What’s in it for me?’

Now, what happens is that in satsang here, which is so direct, we look for this ‘me’. We look for this ‘me’…, who is this ‘me’? All the evidence we have for this ‘me’ is this voice saying ‘This is what I want. This is when I’ll be happy. I’m almost there. I’m getting there. I’m making progress’. It keeps reporting, (this voice).

Now, with a little bit of investigation, it becomes quite clear that there is nobody like this here. It is just represented by this ‘lawyer’ but we cannot find the ‘client’. So, the voice is saying whatever the voice is saying, we hear this; but who is it representing? That we cannot find.

And it has some very simple answers. So, it will say ‘Oh, but it is the body, actually. It is the body’. Bodies are unconcerned with how much money is there in our bank account, isn’t it? Our body is unconcerned with the fight I had with the neighbor or my manager at work. You see? The body is not concerned about that. Body is not concerned with the quality of relationships.

So, who is this one that is concerned? That is the one we looked for. And very quickly, most of us find that it is just fiction; it is just imagination. So, then this impulse to cater to this ‘me’ sort of lightens; it’s not so heavy. We meet life as it is then. We’re not meeting situations saying ‘Okay, what am I learning here? What’s in it for me?’ The base, the presumption itself, we started to question…, that there is an individual ‘me’ here.

That is the first aspect. But even when that happens, when we start to question the existence of this ‘Rajan’, very quickly, this other leg kicks in. ‘So, what should I do now? What should I do? What should I do?’ I feel this is the second maha-mantra of the ego. After ‘What’s in it for me?’ it is ‘What should I do? What should I do?’ Doer-ship. We cannot find this ‘me’, we cannot find the doer, but it still wants to know ‘What should I do?’

These two; the ‘What’s in it for me?’ being desire, (and the lighter form being expectation); and the second being ‘Doer-ship’. This is how the ego is kept alive.

The Knowing of Attention

Q:While going through all the guided meditations and all, I still think the Knowing of Knowing is not clear. The Knowing of Knowing …

A:This is very good. So, you say that I have been through some of the guided meditations, and this point about the Knowing of the Knowing or the Knowingness of the Knowingness itself is not very clear. I am very happy to look at this. But actually it is simpler than anything we can think about. So, first just know it is very simple, it is not some hard work you have to do. So just that innocence of a child. And when I say are you aware now?

Q:Father, that one, you know, the answer doesn’t come out. There is some peace, there is some contentment, but I don’t know about that. I am more comfortable with Knowing of Knowing rather than are you aware now.

A:It’s the same thing. [Laughs] It’s the same thing. To say that ‘I am uncomfortable with this or more comfortable with this’ you must be aware of this. Isn’t it? You Know this.

Q: Yes, yes.

A:So, very slowly, we can zero down on this point, so you say ‘Yes, I know this. There is a knowing of this’. Now this Knowing, what is this Knowing? You see, that is what we are looking at. What do we mean by Knowing? Why do we use the word Knowing instead of using the word walking, talking, hearing? Because it conveys something. This Knowing, which is interchangeable with Awareness…, so, don’t let your mind be ruling in such a way where it can say ‘But this is confusing’. It’s the same thing. This Knowing; who knows what this Knowing means? You say ‘I am more comfortable with the Knowing’. Therefore you know what Knowing means. Do you know what Knowing means?

Q: I know everything what is happening, I know. There is no doubt in that.

A:Yes. You Know. You see? You don’t hear, you don’t walk, you don’t talk. You say ‘I Know what is happening’. Therefore, you know the meaning of ‘know’. To know something, you know what that means.

Q: The Knowing of sensory knowing. The Knowing of sensory knowing right?

A:Yes, yes, yes. The knowing ‘of’…, (the ‘of’ part, if you keep it aside)…, if I ask you ‘What do you mean by knowing of?’ What does it mean ‘knowing of’?

Q:Again. There is some experience of peace, some currents happening in the body. That’s where I am stuck, I guess.

A:Yes. No, you are not stuck. The peace is coming; but you are not saying the peace of, you are not saying the joy of, you are saying the Knowing of something. You see? So, you are using the word ‘Knowing’. You must know what it means.

Q: Yes. I know how it feels like.

A:How does knowing feel? [Chuckles]. This is very good. Don’t get disheartened. For the mind it’s very crazy, but don’t get disheartened. This is very good. How does knowing feel?

Q: I guess the more attention goes to what is happening in the body, rather than the experience.

A:Yes, but this is also known, isn’t it? I am purposely not using the word ‘Awareness’. You are saying that ‘Even this movement of attention is also known’. Is it not?

And if some of you are new to satsang, just to make it clear that when I am speaking of Knowing right now, I am not talking about the conceptual or mental knowing. The knowing of a concept is not the Knowing we are talking about. This Knowing is the primal Knowing which is synonymous with Awareness itself. [Pause].

Don’t expect to find anything phenomenal. You will not find anything phenomenal; and yet you cannot miss this which is not phenomenal. It’s simpler than this. You say that ‘My attention is going there’. And I said ‘This is also Known, isn’t it?’ Otherwise, why would you say it, if it was not known?

Q: The one who Knows it is not clear.

A:Yes, but it’s not you? The movement of attention is not Known by You?

Q:When you say ‘You’…, immediately the identity comes in.

A:[Laughs] Yes, but even that is Known by who?

Okay, let’s put it this way. The movement of attention; that attention is going here and there, is it your direct experience or someone is telling you this is happening?

Q: It is direct.

A:It is direct. Very good, very good. You see? So, the Knowing of this direct experience must be there for you to be able to report it.

Q: Yes.

A:Yes, yes, and you Know that this Knowing is there. (Don’t worry about what this ‘you’ is or what it looks like.) Even to say that ‘There is a Knowing of this direct experience’ is your direct experience. You are not making it up; or nobody else is telling you this.

Q: Yes, all this is direct experience.

A:All this is direct experience. So, there is a Knowing of this Knowing. That’s what we are talking about. I am not saying ‘You know it’ because if I say ‘you’ then you will again say ‘Oh, this sense of identity is coming up’. [Laughs]. There is no identity here.

Q:Often there is…, Moojiji also uses terms like ‘shift of attention’. The shift ‘Silence, deep silence’. Shift of attention…, I don’t see any shift.

A:Yes, but the fact that even in your reporting this, it means that you are there to see the movement of attention, isn’t it?

We are trying to find who is this ‘I’ that can watch even the shift of attention?

So, for a minute, let’s forget about any prerequisites; what must happen; what must not happen. For a minute we can forget about all that.

Right now, the movement of attention is Known by you…, not mentally, but it is directly experienced.

And that it is directly experienced, is your direct experience.

To the mind these words are pure gibberish; I know this. But I hope some of you are able to follow along because we have demystified all these terms, you see.

That is why the fundamentals of satsang is very important where we really demystified all the concepts, so when I am saying ‘Awareness’ or ‘Knowingness’ then we are not running to the concepts of these things but just to the experience of these things.

You know there is something called ‘attention’. Isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A: So, you know that there is a Knowing of this attention.

Q:Yes, I Know. There is movement of attention and it goes here and there.

A:Yes, yes.

Am I This Knowingness Knowing Itself?

Q:Actually, I was seeing one of Rupert [Spira]’s videos. There he was also talking about this knowing of Knowing. So, there what happened; the questioner asked that ‘How can we know this? What are the qualities of this Knowing?’ He [Rupert] said that ‘I will give a very bad example. There is only peace and contentment’. It is not the clear example; that is the closest he can go. So, is that it?

A:I don’t want to say that, (although I love Rupert also; there’s no dichotomy there), but I wouldn’t say that. Because this Knowingness, this Awareness…, to put an attribute to this…, I would say that ‘As my Being comes to a place of un-association with any conditioning, there is bound to be love, peace, joy, contentment; all these things. But This that Knows even the presence and absence of Being, even the waking and sleep state, This I would not attach any attribute to.

You can say that; no harm in it. But usually I would not say ‘This which is attribute-less, because it’s untouched with the appearance of grief or suffering or sorrow; This Knowing remains untouched’. And this Knowing of Knowingness is not new. (Okay, it’s going to get a little bit subtle here).

It is not that Knowingness forgot itself; and therefore when Knowingness remembers itself some peace and contentment should come. I would not agree to that. Because Knowingness is always Knowing Itself. There’s been no break in that. It is in dynamic form, as Being, as Consciousness, it has been playing, pretending to be this non-existent, presumed ‘person’. And when Being is coming to the recognition of its own Source, peace and contentment come. But in all of this, Knowingness has always known itself.

How can Knowingness not Know itself?

Knowingness is Knowing.

You see? How do I say these things? [Chuckles] So, it cannot be that Knowing Knowing Itself has some energetic by-products. I would more say that Being coming to the recognition of its Source, (which also, in effect, means that Being is made up of Knowing Itself). But Being has the power of belief. Being has the power of pretending to be a person; and the power to recognize where it comes from; and it is the un-association of this Being with personal attributes and moving to the Universal Being which then lead to these by-products of love, peace, joy, devotion. [Silence]

Okay, let’s look at it this way. Is it possible for you to forget what Knowing means? This Knowing; this direct Knowing?

Q: It’s not possible.

A:It’s not possible. So, how can Knowing forget Itself? [Silence]

Q:Just, there is Knowing. That is all you can say.

A:Exactly. Exactly. And there’s a Knowing of this. There is a Knowing which is Knowing, and this is Knowing Knowing Itself. And this Knowing never went away anywhere. It has always been this way.

Q:I think the main, my trouble is, that this Knowing is Me.

A:That this Knowing is You.

Q:Yeah. That is not established.

A:Okay. So, let’s look at it the other way. If it is not You, then who is it? [Silence] How does this Knowing connect to you? Because you’re able to report on this Knowing. And you also feel like it’s not You. So, there must be a way for this Knowing to connect to you so that you’re reporting on it. Can you find such a mechanism? Can you find a place where you are…, but the Knowing is not? Or the Knowing is…, but you are not? Can you find some separation? [Silence]

Q:There is a Knowing of me. There is a knowing of me.

A:What do you mean by ‘me’?

Q:This body, identity.

A:What is more intimate for you; this Knowing or this body identity? [Silence] Does this Knowing come and go? Or does this body identity come and go? [Silence]

Q:I’ve never experienced the absence of this body, though.

A:What about sleep last night? Did you sleep? [Chuckles]

Q:You know, about that, the mind comes and says ‘It is passed’ and all that. ‘We have done it previously’.

A:[Chuckles] Let me not talk to your mind. What is your experience? If I ask you what time you woke up, you will be able to give me a time, isn’t it? So, there was something that shifted and is aware of the shift. [Silence] Don’t be so nice to your mind. [Chuckles] ‘Oh, the mind comes and says…’ Let it say what it wants. You stay with your experience.

So, this Knowingness, at what distance is it from you?

Q: No distance.

A: No distance. So that which has no distance and has no separation from I, must be I.

Isn’t it? We don’t have to force this concept. Look for that which could be I besides this? Besides this Knowingness, which I could you be?

You say that the body identification is there. But you say there is a Knowing of this body identification, therefore this Knowingness must be greater, must be prior. It must be perceived, this body identification. This Knowingness is not perceived. It is just Knowing by Itself.

All of us must be able to ask this question: How do I Know of this Knowingness? How am I aware of this Awareness? [Silence]

The only trouble is that we’re used to phenomenal discoveries. We’re used to seeing things and saying ‘Eureka, there it is!’ or ‘This is it!’ This what we are finding does not have any phenomenal attributes. There’s nothing where the mind can justify it and say ‘Yes, you saw it!’ It is deeper, more primal than that; it is simpler than that.

So, we’ve been looking for the Self as an object. But that itself cannot be, isn’t it? Because if the Self what an entity, then what would be the subject of that?

This simple Awareness, this simple Knowingness is the substratum.

Everything is made up of this. [Silence]

It is not even an experience, you see? [Silence]

It is impossible to forget.

Impossible to remember, because it is not an object of memory.

It cannot be taught; it cannot be learned.

It cannot become less or more.

It cannot come and go. [Silence]

It cannot separate from I. Because I is That.

I Am That. [Silence]

Everything else is coming and going within This.

But this Awareness, this Knowingness, does not come and go. [Silence]

See? Simpler than simple.

Even to say ‘I know nothing’ needs this Knowingness.

Surrender (Not Half-Surrender) and Inquiry

We were talking a little bit before satsang, and we were looking to see whether we can do the inquiry a little bit, and to see who is the witness of thoughts and feelings. And sometimes it just seems like there’s no fire in it, no power in it. So then I asked [said], there are only two options basically: either we look together and see who you are, or you leave everything to me.

So, she’s left everything to me now. [Speaking to the one he was speaking with before satsang began online]: It’s a contract, yes? [Smiles]

There are many variations of half-surrender which I used to speak about earlier. Maybe I can share a little bit before we get into the inquiry. One is that ‘You are now the doer’ (You: God, Guru, Self are now the doer) ‘but I am still the experiencer’. This may be the most popular form of half-surrender. It cannot be that the doer and the experiencer are two. It must be that ‘You are the doer and You are also the experiencer’…, as it is said in the scriptures in India ‘Tvam Karta, Tvam Bhogta’.

So this is one form of surrender, where we say to God ‘Yes, I leave everything to You, but please make sure that I’m well taken care of’. You see? So, that is more like a business deal rather than surrender. It must be that ‘I leave everything to you. Do with me as You please. Let Thy will be done’. It is not a way to get my will to be done to say that I am offering up everything to You as a way of getting my will to be done. So, ‘Let Thy will be done’.

So, this is one version; where we say that ‘You are the doer, but make sure my experience is a certain way, the way that I want it to be’. This many times, (at least we used to hear in satsang), somebody would say ‘But I surrendered everything to you; but now look at my life!’ [Chuckles] Yes. But it’s no longer your life because you surrendered everything, isn’t it?

Then, the other variety is where ‘All the good things, I’m still doing. All the bad things, God is doing to me’. You see? [Chuckles] This happened where we’re attracted to pride in some way, so everything good that is happening is ‘Oh, I worked so hard and got this done. But why did you have to do this to me, God? Everything was going so well’. So, all the blame is God’s and all the credit is yours; quote-unquote ‘yours’. That is one version.

The other one is, those who are attracted to guilt and unworthiness, they will take on ALL the blame. All the blame will be theirs, and all the credit goes to the world or to God or to Guru. You see, even that is not…, even that is half-surrender. Because otherwise then we retain this guilty, victim mind-set.

So, all these variations, (and there could be a few more, but these are the main ones, I feel). ‘You are the doer and You are the experiencer: Let Thy will be done. All actions are Yours. All in- action is also Yours. Every single movement of a blade of grass is Yours. Every emotion is Yours. Every sensation is Yours’.

So, the end of this presumed ‘me’, the presumed ego, is through this inquiring and checking that it doesn’t exist, and to come to recognition of who we are. And the surrendering of all we have presumed about ourself and handing it over to the higher power, to the God-Presence. Both are the same, because we’re not picking up anything; any attribute, any conditions. And ‘I Am’ remains un-associated.

And both the legs of the ego, desire and doership, are also dissolved in this surrender. What desire can you have now? Because your entire life belongs to your Master. And the prayer already is that ‘Let Thy will be done. May You be the doer of all actions and in-actions that happen through this body’.

Then what happens? Then we say that ‘Actually surrender was just a play, because I see that it was always this way anyway. There never was a ‘me’ that was doing anything at all. It was always You, my Lord (or my Master). Always You’.

I said earlier that ‘God is not waiting for your surrender’. He’s not sitting waiting over there in the corner for the tag-team to come…, ‘Okay, Yours now’. [Laughs] God is already running this life and experiencing this life. God is not waiting for your surrender to run your life; it is already so. It is only the false-presumption that is taken away in this surrender. You see? And once you start to truly surrender, truly become open…, (because openness IS surrender), then you see ‘It has always been so. It is this Consciousness, this God-Presence, which has been the only doer and the only experiencer here.

That is why it is said that the path of inquiry and surrender are ultimately one; because the finding is the same.

You know, here how it was, was a very fickle personality operating. Some days, very, very bhakti oriented; just wanted to sing and sing bhajans. And other days, just wanted to inquire and say ‘What is this bhajan stuff?’ You see, it was just fluctuating. [Chuckles] And even that is fine.

There is no set template for freedom. It is only a response to your inner urge of coming home; of self-recognition, of not playing ‘as if’ you are separate anymore. And really, there are no rules for this game. It’s just that the Masters have, in their beautiful compassion, suggested some things so that it can seem more peaceful, joyful; this seeming-journey.

And it is inevitable, this recognition of the Self, this coming home. Inevitable, because actually you never really left anyway. But it’s a beautiful ride, when you get on the Guru’s back and let him do all the work, you see. [Smiles]

Every Thought is an Offer to the Merry-Go-Round

There are two counters in front of you. One counter is selling tickets to the same old merry-go- round; which is your next thought, is your ticket to this merry-go-round. It’s saying ‘Yeah, yeah this one, I am still meaningful, relevant. You can make it as a person’. You see, every thought is an offer for you to make it as a person. ‘We can still make it. I have worked so hard to get this far; a little more and you can still do it’. Every thought is basically an offer from the mind. ‘I know, I know, I have taken you on a merry-go-round. Ananta is right in what he is saying, but you know, take this one. It will really get you there’. [Laughs]. So this is the offer from one counter, the merry-go-round, which is the same merry-go-round. We go round in circles and come back at the same point.

The second counter which is the quieter counter, where the vendor is not yelling, saying ‘Come, come buy, you see. Just sitting patiently waiting for those who come. And this one is saying that ‘All your ideas, presumptions…, are you willing to let go of them? Because I have a mirror for you. Are you willing to see without mind contamination?’ And this gentle voice is saying that ‘I know what it seems like for you, but you can actually now let it all be my problem’. This is the ticket from your own inner Presence. Your own Satguru is speaking these words.

And for a while it can seem like, [Chuckles], we want both; have the merry-go-round and have freedom, liberation. We buy little bit from here, little bit from there. Mind comes and sells you that ‘Okay, okay, this is okay for satsang, but what about the real world?’ You see? So these kind of messages will come. And you find ‘Let me buy the real world ticket now and see where it goes’. And you find nowhere; it just goes round the merry-go-round again and you are back where you started.

So, the seeming spiritual journey is like this when we are trying to sit on both these chairs at the same time, ride both these horses at the same time, buying both these tickets. And that’s okay, that’s also part of the play. [Pause] Then sometimes we become like little children. We get in the Guru’s car and then we are everyday saying ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’ [Chuckles] Like Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] used to say ‘No, we got on our train from Madurai or Tiru (or something) and inside the train also you are still carrying your bags’. As Guruji [Mooji] says, you go to the flight and inside the plane you are running to get there faster. All part of the fun, it’s okay. None of what I am saying is to make anyone feel guilty. Guilt is not helpful on this path. We are just looking at this play sometimes and making some observations about it.

You know, one day if you want a million followers, (I shouldn’t be saying this), [Chuckles] if you want a million followers, just use guilt. Just make everyone feel guilty. Because we are attracted somewhere, most of us are attracted somewhere, to feeling like we have done it wrong, we are unworthy, we don’t deserve it. That itself is like a comfort zone. And actually we like to hear that and feel like ‘Yes, tomorrow we will try harder. Tomorrow I will do this better’. None of what is being shared here is to make a follower out of you. It is just to see…, to share from the direct recognition here, so that you can check for yourself and see if something resonates.

Waking and Sleep States Happen within One Beingness

Q:It’s a question about the dream and the awake state I was contemplating. So, Father, when we are sleeping, this physical body is at rest. It’s like still.

A:Yes, when you’re sleeping, (let’s just pause for a second), when we are sleeping, is it our experience that there is a physical body?

Q:No. There is no such experience. But in the dream we see so many characters. And then there is a dream body. And the ‘I Am-ness’ is felt in that dream body of mine, but not in the other characters.

A: Ah.

Q:I see so many faces, so many people around, but the ‘I Am-ness’, the sense of aliveness, is felt only on that particular dream body, which I say ‘It’s me’. But basically, this dream is only seen by me. There is a dream which even my friends, even my relatives, husband and kids can’t see. Only I’m seeing. So, it’s taking everything inside this ‘me’ but the ‘I Am-ness’ is felt only in the particular character in the dream body that is my dream body. And then, I’m awake; like when we say it’s an awake waking state, I see so many characters but the sense of ‘I Am-ness’ is felt in this body. So, Father, I’m not finding any difference between this dream and the waking state. It’s just similar. So, as in a dream, when I say about my dream, I just say ‘I have seen it’ but everything was happening inside me. In this waking state, ‘I Am-ness’ is felt in one particular body. No difference. How do we say it’s a dream, it’s a waking state?

A: There is no difference.

Q: I mean, I know the right words…,

A:No, it’s very good. There is no difference. It’s just that when we are in this realm, this state, we call this the waking state. And that which was experienced earlier, we call that the dream state. Now, in that which we call the dream state, if there was some memory of this, then we would call this a dream. Isn’t it?

Q:But the ‘I Am’ is felt in the dream state also. There was an ‘I Am-ness’ inside the dream body. And I am also inside this.

A:Okay, let’s look at this point a little bit. Let’s look at this point a little bit closely. Because it can seem like the ‘I Am-ness’ is experienced within the body. And we can understand what you mean by that because it can seem like the origin of the sensation ‘I Am’ (for most of us) seems to be in the heart region. That’s why Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] called it the heart. So when Bhagavan used ‘the heart’ he was referring to the origin of this sense ‘I Am’. But just because it can seem like it is a point of origin, or a point where a flame ignites doesn’t mean that it is

restricted to that. It can feel like that, yes, that it is enclosed within this body. But actually, once we look at it without any mental conceptions, you will see that it is the body actually which is enclosed within this ‘I Am’. The sensations of the body, the visuals of the body, you can say is experienced completely inside this sense ‘I Am’. You cannot say that it is outside of you. But we experience so much more within this sense ‘I Am’…, not just restricted to the boundaries of this body but also the seeming-external world is also experienced within Me; this same Me, the same ‘I Am-ness’.

So, as we start to check like this, we will see that the dream state is all happening within You, within the same Being, within the space ‘I Am’. And this waking state is also happening all within the same ‘I Am’.

See if you can find the boundaries of this ‘I Am-ness’. You will find that you cannot find these boundaries and everything is actually enclosed in this; all time and space is within me. So, in reality, both the dream state and the waking state are just the appearance of various energetic realms within the space of Being, within Me. Everything is inside Me. There is nothing outside of this.

We are all getting these insights now. All that we have to do, seemingly have to do, (and that is not a doing, actually)…, but the choice that we seem to have is only the choice to let go of our mental concepts. I’ve been calling it our mental replicas. And how to let go of our mental replicas, mental concepts? Not to believe what our thoughts are telling us. Then we will find that this is coming.

Yesterday I was saying, (and many of you might have missed that because it was after a long Q

&A session, so maybe I can repeat that a little bit). Most of us in our life are meeting ideas about what we are seeing. We’re meeting an idea of what we are seeing. So, when we see a computer in front of us, we’re meeting the label ‘Computer’ and the description that we already have about this computer. ‘It is like this. It is useful. I use it to connect’. And when we meet a person, also we are meeting a replica of that person that is created both as an image and a description. So, most of us are meeting it like this.

Now, as we are letting go of our thoughts, then our reliance on these conceptual replicas is reducing. And we are meeting what is appearing as it is, without interpretation. And this, in itself, life becomes a lot more spontaneous, a lot more joyful, peaceful. Not necessarily only these emotions should come, but usually. So, we’re meeting everything as it is, without pre- conceived ideas and notions; or newly conceived ideas and notions also. Just fresh! And you see that our attention becomes much more clear, because it is not diverted between our mind and what is appearing. This is what happens as we let go of our mental replicas.

Then the insight that comes, (and it doesn’t have to be in this order; I’m just trying to make it simpler), but then the insight that comes is that all of this that is appearing is all within this one space of Being that I Am. There is no appearance without this ‘I Am’. Everything is shining with

the light of this ‘I Am’. You see, it is this one Atma, one Being, in the Presence of which this entire phenomenal leela, this phenomenal play starts; and also concludes. Appears and dissolves within this one space of Being. It’s a beautiful insight when we see that everything is just what it is, and all of it is a part of Me, within Me; this play ‘I Am’. Then this Universe already comes. Then we speak with the voice of God: I Am that I Am.

Then, what can happen is that there is a sense which can come which says ‘Even this sense I Am, and all that is appearing and disappearing within It, I am aware of. And this Awareness seems to be untouched and unconcerned by even this play of I Am that I Am’. And although, to the mind, this seems like a seeming duality, actually it is the play of One. We see that this Awareness is I, unchanging-ly I, and in its play, it is playing as Being. It doesn’t mean that there are two separate entities now; it doesn’t mean that there is an entity at all now. Yet, qualitatively, when looked FROM within this space of Being, it does seem like they operate qualitatively differently. Just in the same way as Shiva and Parvati are one ultimately, and there’s a representation of that; same way that Yin and Yang are one, not two, yet the Yin and the Yang seem to be playing qualitatively differently.

So, Being is this sense of existence. The immaculate phenomena. This sense of Being, the sense of existence, is also born with the non-phenomenal where even the sense of existence cannot be found. You see? And with this unity, and this Awareness aware of even Being, (which also I Am; which is the I Am itself actually), all of these insights, all of this direct experience, direct Seeing you will have…, just with this first step which is to let go of any mental replica, any mental concept that we have about anything at all; including this teaching, including this pointing. Then you will see that all of this flow is very natural, very beautiful.

So, as Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said, if there is a sense of a choice-maker, if there is a sense of a choice, the only choice you must make is to not go along with your stream of thoughts. What does it mean ‘Not go along’? Not to believe them, not to identify with them. So, as we are letting go of this mind, as you are letting go of the mind, you’re having these insights that there seems to be no difference between my dream state, (that which we call the dream state) and this waking state; which is completely true. Both are just projections within Being; of Being Itself.

And I can tell you that just in this simple first step, of not going along with the mind, we find that even that which we call ‘the quality of life’ will be drastically different. Pain will continue, but that which we call suffering, psychological suffering, will not persist for too long; even though it might come up once in a while, especially if something has been suppressed for long periods of time, something which has been strongly believed in the past. And we must not resist this releasing. So allow all that has to come out, to come out. But we will find that in the emptiness of the mind, you will find great spontaneity, great simplicity; which is not empty of insights. It is full of these beautiful insights. Because it can seem like ‘If I’m empty of the mind [thoughts] then I will never learn anything. All will become so stale and robotic’. It is the opposite actually. Everything becomes so fresh and wonderful; and True understanding comes, True insight comes…, not just a conceptual idea of things.

The Knowing of Our Direct Experience that ‘I Am’

We are speaking of magnificent things; of magnificent things, beyond many mental comprehensions. We’re speaking of God, we’re speaking of the Universe. We’re speaking of primal forces, even more primal than light and sound and gravity and electricity. And we speak of attention. And we’re not just speaking of them for speaking’s sake. We’re speaking of them from a place of recognition.

You are seeing God for yourself. You’re experiencing God. And all it takes is, just for a little while, we let go of any idea we have about God.

The recognition of God is not difficult. What seems to be difficult is to let go of our concepts of God. Some even have an aversion to the word ‘God’ itself, maybe because of some experiences in their up-bringing. God has become mistaken to be an object of religion. It is not that. God Is what Is. And I Am What Is. Not ‘I am this Ananta’. The ‘I Am’ which is what You Are. Your own Atma. Your own sense of existence. Nothing exists without You. Nothing exists without You. And this is our direct experience of ‘I Am’.

Even this mind only appears when I am. It is not our experience that anything exists without this sense of existence first. And if we didn’t give into the resistance of the mind for just a few minutes, I can show you that all of this that is spinning is happening inside you. Nothing is happening outside of you. There is no outside.

You can check this now, because I speak from the voice of this direct recognition. All of this play is just happening in the light of my Being. And this is what your direct experience is already, but you are…, many times (especially if you’re new to satsang)…, giving belief and attention to the paintings that your mind is painting for you; the imagination. We don’t need to visualize anything. You see, the minute we start speaking like this, the mind starts making some visuals of space and how I am at the center of space or something like that. [Chuckles] No, we’re talking about THIS appearance. If you don’t give it to the mind, what do we find at the center of it? There is a sense of existence, I Am…, your Being.

And to make this simple, we have offered many tools. The simple question: ‘Can you stop being?’ might seem very [inaudible] but we are to ‘take it on’ empty of the mind in some way and See if it is possible to stop this ‘being’ that is here. And you will quickly find that Being is just being. From this perspective of the waking state, we cannot say ‘start or stop’ of the Being.

Then I say: Try to find the limits of this Being.

What are the boundaries of this existence?

What is outside of this Being?

That is You, this Consciousness, that You Are. I want you to taste Your Atma. I want you to taste; not just the word ‘soul’…, I want it to be a living experience for You. And actually, already it is a living experience for You. The only trouble-maker is this mind.

You Exist. I Am. The sounds that you hear, the sensations that you feel, the visuals that you perceive, (either the seeming-outside world or imagination or memory). All of these visuals; where are they actually perceived? Where are they experienced? Can there be an experience outside of You? Can you testify to an experience which you have not had? All is Yours, you see? This world is dancing in front of You.

Now, unfortunately, for the mind, there is no personal benefit in knowing any of this. It is not necessary that knowledge of this will put more money in the bank, will improve our relationships or improve the health of our body. It is not necessary. And yet you will find that you will deny even what somebody like the Buddha said. Supposedly he said that the world Is suffering. But we are not the suffer-er of experience.

Just to know Your own magnificence, to know Your own enormity!

Actually, many of you are scared of this. Many of you are just scared of how great you are, how large you are, how timeless you are. But most fundamentally, all of us, in some way, are scared of how empty we are. Therefore, when we See that even this ‘I Am’ and the play within this space of Being, (creation, time and space and all the primal energies), what I truly Am is aware even of this.

What could I be now? Ask Yourself, really. What are you?

Don’t be scared of this. Because it feels a little bit unsettling, don’t be in a rush to go to some ideas or visuals. Stay with your pure observing, pure looking; untainted with mental contamination.

Because for too long we have allowed the mind to dictate what the content of our experience is, to interpret what our experience is. For too long have we bought these stories and interpretations.

There is nobody here but God! And You are That in which God is born.

Don’t be scared of the enormity of these words. Don’t be very quick to defend our little-ness. You are playing as God, and yet you are much more than that. And God is not suffering.

Nothing can make God suffer, and You are That.

So, let’s drop all our stories about ‘What is happening to me’ and ‘How my life should be different’. Because You are doing all of this. All is Your play; it’s all about You.

There’s a dream character sitting in front of you right now called ‘Ananta’ and you’re pretending as if you need to hear these words to remember who you are. All of this is Your play.

You don’t need any spirituality to show you that You exist. You are the only on that exists actually. You are all there is.

Another popular misunderstanding in Advaita; somebody was saying in the sangha the other day that she got ‘Advaita police-d’ because she said ‘I’ or ‘you’ or something. [Chuckles] It’s just …, when we say ‘You do not exist’ or ‘I do not exist’ what does it mean? It means that there is no ego here; there is no person here. And because we have used ‘I’ and ‘you’ for so long for this sense of separation, this ego, we have used ‘I’ to say ‘I don’t exist’ or ‘you’ to say ‘you don’t exist’. This is not the denial of existence. You do exist. Only You exist. But not personally. Only I exist; because I and You are One. But not personally.

‘I exist’ is the basis of this whole fundamental, phenomenal appearance. I exist as the basis of this Universe. Therefore, I don’t exist as that which my thoughts are saying; I don’t exist as a person. But only I Am. This is Your own voice.

What I am going to say next, don’t try and understand it. Just let the words do whatever they have to do.

So I Am is the sense of existence on which relies the entire realm’s existence. There is no realm without I Am. And yet it is I which is playing the game of existence: I playing as I Am.

There is an ‘I’ which is even more fundamental, even more prior to the existence of this ‘Am’. And You Know this, because it is Knowingness Itself, it is Awareness Itself.

Question or inquire into Your Knowing. Inquire into the Knowing which is not conceptual.

Because it is so primal to us, Our reality. It can be said that it has been neglected. To say anything at all from this direct experience requires there to be this Awareness of it, or a Knowingness of it. To say that ‘I Am’ implies that ‘I am aware that I exist, I am aware that I Am’. It is implied, you see? I’m not making it up that ‘I Am’. It is directly Known.

You see the distinction? How many are still with me? You see the distinction? When we say ‘I Am’ …, are we just making it up? It is an idea that ‘I am’ that ‘I exist’? Or is it not our direct living experience of existence right now. Isn’t there an Awareness of it? Isn’t there a Knowingness of this?

See this. Don’t allow your mind to say ‘Oh, this is getting too abstract’. [Chuckles] I’m speaking very simple words, actually. We are not making it up conceptually; it is not an idea. It is not an idea like ‘Oh, there is a God sitting in heaven’. That’s an idea. It’s a beautiful idea; it’s a notion. You see?

Here, what are we talking about? We’re talking about our existence: I exist. Is this not our experience?

Sometimes, those new to satsang will say ‘But, I don’t know this really’. That’s why I’ve offered you the question: Can you stop being? You say ‘No. I exist. I am’. This is Seen. There is an Awareness of it. There is a Knowingness of it. It is direct experience. It is direct, pure observation; not an idea of something.

I don’t want to give you any new ideas. There are enough ideas in the world; and if you just needed ideas, there are plenty of books where you find them. So, what I want to show you is this: directly, undeniably, that you KNOW that You exist. It is not a concept, it is not an idea. It is the direct Knowing of my existence. There is this Knowing, this Awareness, which is what You Are.

You are aware now. You cannot deny it; as much as the mind might try to resist.

Actively inquire a little bit, and see: Are you aware now?

What do I mean ‘actively’? Directly observing; not thinking about it.

Are you aware now?

What makes you say ‘Yes’?

What did you see?

Nothing.

You did not see this awareness as an object.

What gives us the ability to say ‘I am aware’ of something?

Who taught you about this ‘aware’?

How to become aware?

Was it learned?

Was it acquired from outside?

Can we look, LOOK, without interpreting, without proclamations, without notions, without any jargon? Just look at what is happening.

Okay, let me offer you another simple inquiry. Nobody can deny this appearance of this realm of appearances. These appearances are there. Is that all there is? These appearances are there. Is that all there is? So ‘you’ are another appearance? Are you another appearance?

Again, don’t go with what the mind is saying; don’t go with the visuals. See for yourself.

Isn’t there an awareness which is untouched by these appearances?

Can Awareness be touched by any appearances at all?

In this realm of appearances, everything is appearing and disappearing.

That which appears and disappears is phenomenal.

All which is phenomenal in India is called ‘maya’.

That which can come and go, that which comes and goes, is maya.

Are you an object within this maya? Who, then, is the subject of this maya?

Who is aware of this maya, this play of coming and going, if you yourself are a mere object which comes and goes?

Who is it that is aware now?

What are the attributes of this one?

Where is it located?

How old is this?

Some like to say that ‘Awareness is nothing but a functioning of Consciousness’. Then who knows about sleep? You see? They say ‘But there is nothing in sleep’. But who is aware of that? How is it known that there is something called ‘sleep state’? Is it just a made-up idea? Is there only a notion of sleep? Why is it such a popular notion, then? If we did not have the direct experience of waking up, how did this notion become popular?

So, if there is awareness even of that waking up, (‘I woke up at 7:30’), so there is an awareness of this sense of existence waking up. ‘I woke up’. Who saw the contrast between sleep and waking up? Who saw that the paper changed from black to multi-colored? There must be an observing, isn’t it? Otherwise, would it not just be that suddenly it was ll:00 pm and now it’s 7:30 am. What a time lapse! No, you say ‘I went to sleep and I woke up’.

It’s a very tricky topic for the mind, because the mind says ‘But there’s nothing; but there’s really nothing in sleep. I can’t say’. Or then it tries to rely on the fact that ‘Even now, to contemplate sleep, we have to work from memory’. But to contemplate anything from our experience from the past, we have to take memory, isn’t it? So, if we say ‘Okay, let’s leave all memory behind’…, then you cannot show me suffering anyway. [Chuckles] You see? If you had the memory of a fish, (as Guruji [Mooji] used to say), then no trouble. You would not be in satsang if you had the memory of a fish. [Laughing] One is, you would not remember where satsang is. [Laughs] But you know what I mean.

Without memory, I don’t feel we can trouble ourselves. There are fundamentally only four ways in which we can trouble ourselves. I keep saying this over and over. But it’s important to understand this.

One: relationships. Number 1 we mention for self-trouble is relationships. It’s not just that. It is more than that. But let’s, for this example, say that; relationships.

Second: Money, work, employment; all this stuff. Money in the bank. This is the second.

Third: The body. Health of the body, how the body is looking, feeling; all this body-related stuff.

And Fourth: is our own search for meaning, search for freedom; whatever we like to call it. The ‘Seeker identity’.

These are the main four ways. All our lives have been about these four moving around, different values, different points of time, and us trying to juggle these four balls efficiently. These are the four causes of suffering. We are not complicated. It’s just that different values take on different variables at some point in time and it feels like ‘Oh, my life is so complicated or messed up’ or something like this. And that’s all that is happening. And all of these belong to who? Whose relationship? Who is concerned about money in the bank? Who is the owner of this body that is so concerned? ‘My body. My body is like this’. And who is looking for freedom?

Before we can go looking for solutions or find solutions to any of these four perennial problems, wouldn’t it be first wise to ask: Whose problems are they?

That we presume. Whose problems are they? ‘It is Ananta, or it’s David’ or whatever. And who is this one? ‘Hmmm. Maybe the body?’ The body cares about money in the bank? Not really. Is the body even right now saying ‘Oh, I’m putting on weight’? Not really. Is the body concerned about the fight with the neighbor? Not really. WHO is this one that deals in all these four things? This is the ‘I’ which does not exist. So when you say ‘I don’t exist’ or ‘You don’t exist’…, this one, that has these four [problems] does not exist.

Why do I say it? Because I’ve looked, and I haven’t found. And anybody who has looked with openness, without mental replicas, without mental conceptions, has not found this ‘person’. Because it doesn’t exist.

So, when I created the bet, I knew fully well that I have the winning odds. So, we created a bet, maybe two years ago, and I started by saying that ‘Anyone who can show me the person gets $100 right now’. [Chuckles] So, the odds were completely tilted in my favor. But there is something to the checking…, something in the checking of that.

Who is the one who has problems? Can we find this one and present this one? We are always representing that one. Many times, our words and our behavior and our whole way of thinking is representing this one; but this one is a mythical one. We are representing a myth, a belief; a bundle of beliefs at best. You see? Because what do we find when we look? We find what we were talking about:

We find that there is the sense of existence, which is not personal, which has none of these four troubles. And we find an awareness which is so untouched that even the word untouched is not required. But it cannot be a conceptual witnessing of these things.

All Is Inside This Awareness of Being

Q:Father, one question I had about the inquiry that we were doing today. When you say that sense of ‘I Am’ or ‘I exist’. And you know, I’m been trying to figure out that ‘All of these great people that come after me, and they have such great openings, and why am I stuck?’ And today while I was meditating I kind of realized that when I say ‘I exist’ I identify too much with my bodily sensations. So, what I mean by that is my sense of existence is derived from my sense of, you know, bodily sensations. Whereas you just made a point there that ‘I Am’ is not personal. And I also knew that ‘I Am’ is not personal, but I thought ‘I Am’ is not personal because I don’t have any control over it. But at the same time, my misunderstanding I think is that I’m too much identified with the bodily sensations and I’m interpreting them as the sense of ‘I exist’. Is this…, can you please shed some light on that?

A:Yes, yes, yes. I want to tell you one thing, that the mind’s game is to make everything upside down. It makes everything upside down. So, in this world, if you see, it’s the stupidest thing. It is such a primitive thing to do, that we draw lines on the sand and say ‘All the ones who are on this side of the line are my brothers, and on that side of the line are my enemies’. All of this just because some notion of lines have been made on maps. So, the mind will take everything that is pristine and beautiful as is, and make it upside down and make it mucky and sticky.

Now, body identity; also it can seem like ‘I am experiencing ‘I Am’ within the body’. But actually you are experiencing the sensations and the visuals of the body within this ‘I Am’. And if you can check. Just right now: find out where the sensations in the body are happening?

Are they not experienced within this same space of Being? Is the top of your head experienced within you the same way as the bottom of your feet are experienced within you, as a set of sensations?

And the mind collaborates with this and it gives you some sort of a visual dimension of this body and then presumes as if this ‘I Am-ness’ is enclosed within it. But actually, if you see for yourself, you will find that this sense of ‘I Am’…, you cannot find a boundary to that. To the body, you are finding boundary. Therefore, that which has boundaries must be within the unbound. Isn’t it?

All sensations are experienced within You. And when I say ‘within You’ I am speaking about this space of Being. The same space of Being is hearing the sound and experiencing the sensations of the body, isn’t it? There is one space of experiencing. Everything is experienced within this; the sense of distance, space the sense of physical weight within the body, the sense of sensations and emotions, the images of imagination and memory the images that our sight is bringing to us…, are they all reporting to different spaces? No, it is one space of experiencing where all of this is happening.

The body is an experience that you are having within the same space of Being; the same space of experiencing. All phenomenal perceiving, phenomenal experiencing, is happening within You. And you cannot deduce this. You must recognize this. Check for yourself. The same being that I point you to when I say ‘Can you stop Being now?’ You will find that this one is boundary-less, unlimited.

If it is not perceived here, it does not exist; from our direct experience. Can anyone say that I had an experience which was outside of my Being? Can anyone say that the Being was absent? It was there; either this body or another [dream state] body, either this state or the dream state. All the experiencing is happening within this one space of Being.

In this way we see that there is this phenomenal One-ness; that all appearances are One, all appearances are my Being, all experiences are God. That is why it is said ‘God is everywhere’ because it is One Being. You see? If this Being was just within the body, then how would God be everywhere? What about the space within bodies? Where is that experienced? Within the same Being. The movement of your attention is also experienced within the space of your Being. That is why I can even say something like ‘With your eyes closed, see if you can bring your attention to the top of your head, and maybe even a little more than the top of your head’. All this is moving within You.

I can say ‘Bring your attention to the sounds that are happening at a distance place’. Is there a way for attention to move out of you? Can it move in this way? What medium would it use to travel? How can you hear the sounds that are seemingly at a distance from this body? You see?

And only that which gets my attention seems to exist. That is why this sense of existence and attention are so strongly inter-linked. Therefore, that which we so easily accept about the dream state…, now that we are in this so-called waking state, we so easily accept that the entire dream was within Me. Mind has resistance to the waking state which is nothing but the dream state. ‘How is it possible that the entire dream was within You? In which space was that?’

Rely on your Seeing now. See how your attention is just moving within you and yet it is getting you objects from outside the body.

This contemplation, this inquiry to the sense of Being is the inquiry into your own God-Presence. You are discovering yourself as God in this. You’re discovering what is meant when it is said ‘I Am That I Am’. It is the same God which is everywhere, which is everything, is this ‘I Am’. Consciousness. There is no separation. The only presumed separation is when you believe a thought. If separation was real then there would be separation even without labeling, even without thinking. There is only the experiencing of sensations and energies.

[Silence]

This is true limitless-ness. It is this limitless-ness, timeless-ness, which the mind is trying to mimic through ambition and achievement. The mind is trying to mimic its Father which is limitless through its version of these. But the mind is too restricted in its perspective to make us limitless or to make us recognize the limitless-ness.

Find out: Where is this ‘I Am’? Where does it start and where does it end? Even if it starts to emerge from a physical center like the heart, see the boundaries of the body. See if it actually comes to an end. [Silence]

And as you’re finding this limitless-ness, you will find that the quiverings within This, the small vibrations of suffering or grief are being experienced here but there is no suffer-er here. The suffer-er is presumed, just like doer is presumed, the thinker is presumed. And although there is no rush to make any proclamations, You find that everything is nothing for You in this ocean called Consciousness that is I, playing as ‘I Am’. And our life will become universal; no longer constricted by this question ‘What’s in it for me?’ in everything that appears or ‘What am I gaining or loosing?’ Because we let go of this ‘me’. Once you see that You Are Everything, you cannot want anything. Everything can not want anything. You see? [Silence]

And once you see that You Are Everything then there is also an allowing of everything, because you are no longer pushing an aspect of yourself away, or trying to push it away. Once you find this infinite space within YourSelf, then nothing is pushed away. All is welcome. And in this way we move away from this circle of desire and aversion, from ‘What’s in it for me?’ and ‘What do I avoid?’ All of it is inter-linked like this. Only when I consider myself to be an object in the appearance can I say that I want another object. Once I see that I Am This in which everything is coming and going; I Am that which gives existence to existence…, then what can I want or be adverse to?

So then the Masters pointing ‘Hand over your existence to existence’ takes on a different meaning, because now existence gets it existence from You. And it is my feeling that although these words may not make sense to the mind yet, somewhere these words must be being recognized intuitively as pointing to the Truth of what You Are. [Silence]

And even if all of this fails, even if all of this fails and we feel like…, (because I felt like this for a few years actually; that I could not find the ‘I Am’. I felt like that for a few years)…, if all of this fails and we cannot fathom this Being, then stick to this question ‘Who is the ‘I’ that cannot find even I Am?’ This is enough. This will reveal everything to us.

As we come to a recognition of this ‘I’ which is without attributes, then even that which has the attribute ‘Am’…, ‘I Am’…, will reveal itself on its own. So, if it cannot be recognized, (this space, this space of Beingness), forget about it and ask yourself:

Who is it that can’t find even this I Am? Who am I?

Who is this ‘I’ which is struggling with this ‘I Am’?

How Do I Know Myself As Awareness?

A: I’m reading on the chat.

It says ‘I know that I am Awareness, but how to realize it?’

The Knowing of it is the realization of it.

Because you cannot know Awareness as the mind; you cannot know it conceptually. To recognize it is the only way to Know It.

I am aware…, is the Knowing of Knowing Itself.

The Knowing is Aware. Nothing else is aware.

I am that Awareness.

Every Idea, Keep It Aside

It’s like we collected a bunch of ideas and put them in our bag, and then got so attached to these ideas that we started calling the bag ‘Me’. So any times an idea is attacked, it seemed like ‘I am being attacked’. My idea about how life should proceed, what my journey should be like, what my day should be like, what my satsang should be like, what my Master should be like. [Chuckles] All of these attack us. We got so attached to these ideas in this bag that we pretend that this bag is ‘Me’.

So, what is being attacked? What is it that makes you suffer? Just these…, our concepts about life. How can an appearance attack You? For an appearance to attack you, you have to be an appearance.

Keep this bag away. Keep it aside. Every idea, keep it aside. It is not your business anymore. This is what Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] meant when he said ‘We climb into the train of the Master, and you continue to carry this bag on your head’. See? What is this bag? It’s all these ideas we have.

We don’t know anything; nothing! We don’t even know what Knowing is. And we pretend to know how our life should be. We don’t even know what it means. So many things we report, pretending as if we know something. But what does it mean to Know something itself, we don’t know.

I remember one of my Masters in the past was asked this question: ‘So, what happened to you?’ What happened to you in this liberation, enlightenment?’ He just said ‘It just felt like I was carrying this big, heavy school bag, and I just kept it down. That’s all that happened’. And maybe I didn’t understand the answer at that point. But this is what it is. Without these mental conceptions, these replicas in the mind; it’s a beautiful emptiness. Only when our mind is empty in this way then we experience the fullness of this experience.

It’s like we’ve been living a ‘second-hand’ life. Everything that comes to us, first we give to the mind, then we purchase it second-hand from this mind. Now, we start living life first-hand; fresh and new. And a first-hand life cannot be the one that we have been leading so far. When we meet it direct and raw in this way; when we meet life naked in this way, without the covering of this muck called the mind, then we will start to find great vibrance in every moment. This wonderful moment Right Now is being served up for you to taste, as is. It doesn’t need any garnishing from the mind. And as we start to taste this moment, you start to taste Your own Being; which is the same, all is arising in Your Being, so we taste our own Beingness.

And that is the purpose…, one of my favorite explanations…, (there is no explanation for the purpose of this creation, but one of my favorite explanations), is This; so that we can taste our Being in this way is the purpose of this creation…, in all of its colors and shapes and sizes. Everywhere our attention can go has to be within us. Because our attention cannot leave us. So

all of this realm is being tasted here, fresh; not second-hand, not stale from the refrigerator of the mind.

So, in this way, this beautiful play starts to get recognized as a play because we have removed all the ideas about how it has to be. And the mind doesn’t spare any appearance; anyone in this appearance, it doesn’t spare. Isn’t it? Anything you give it, it says ‘Oh, but….’ Anything. It

doesn’t spare our loved ones, it doesn’t spare our teachers, our Masters.

I don’t know whether Guruji [Mooji] said in satsang once or if it just came up through his voice here, but ‘Give anything to the mind, give a chocolate cake to the mind, what does it do? It puts mud in it’. So there must be a time for compassion to the mind; there will be a time where you treat the mind like a loving pet. But don’t rush to that. You don’t pet a wolf. The wolf had to be domesticated first, then became like dogs. So, all of these replicas that we’ve saved up, all of these attachments that we’ve put in this bag, just keep them away. Even to tell me that you are suffering, you cannot do it without going to your thoughts.

So often it happens, isn’t it? When someone comes and says ‘Oh, I really want to talk to you’. And I say ‘Okay, speak from the Now’. And then I can immediately see that the attention is going to the mind, so we say [Snaps fingers] ‘NOW’. [Snaps fingers] ‘Now’. Snaps fingers] ‘Speak from the Now’. [Snaps fingers] ‘Now’. [Chuckles] And it’s very irritating, like ‘You’re not letting me think, so how will I respond?’ Because I don’t want you to go there; because I know only mud will come from there [Chuckles]…, not chocolate cake.

NOW is God. Just see how pristine it is that this moment is free from all conditioning; all the past history, ideas, beliefs, concepts: All gone. But in the play, you have the seeming choice now, as Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said, either to go with this stream of thoughts, or to allow these thoughts to come and go: And You remain.

This is all there is actually. We speak every day, but actually, this is all there is. In different, different flavors, I tell you the same thing actually. Throw away your school bag. Throw away your mental replicas. Don’t go with your thoughts. Don’t believe your next thought. ALL is just this. And all the other insights: Awareness, Consciousness, creation, dissolution…, all will become clear; all the states, everything will reveal itself as long as we don’t get on this merry-go- round of thoughts.

To say that ‘I have surrendered and I am suffering’ is not possible. If you have surrendered, then there is no ‘I’ left to suffer. So, we are moving away from this convenient half-surrender, which says that ‘You are the doer now, my Lord or my Master, but I am still the experiencer’. We are moving away from that, and Seeing that the doer and the experiencer must be the Satguru, Consciousness.

And it is Seen that: All is always well.

Can We Suffer Without Conditions?

Try not to put any conditions to anything at all. Actually, it is the root of all suffering, these conditions. ‘Conditioning’ is derived from ‘Conditions’. Isn’t it? When we put a condition, what are we putting a condition to? It’s important to See this, because this actually is the end of suffering. What can we put conditions to? Contemplate this for a bit. Our conditions can apply to what?

Q: The idea of ‘me’.

A:The idea of ‘me’. Yes, conditions are put only to those things that are relevant or meaningful to ‘me’. So, it all ultimately comes back to this ‘me’. Isn’t it? Anything. ‘It should be like this’. Someone says ‘I am this way. I am only this way. I’m a straight-talker. I am like this. I am very honest. I am a good person’. You see? ‘My life should be this way. I should have a simple life. My family should be this way’. So, all of this is related to this ‘me’. Ordinarily.

To speak more Advaitically, we put conditions to our Presence; to the Presence ‘I Am’ which is uncontaminated. Then we put these pretend-conditions which then give us the cause to suffer. Because nothing ever goes according to our conditions, (in the long term, at least). It might give you some seeming-illusion that in the short term something is working out according to plan. It doesn’t work out in that way, because ultimately all of these conditions do get dissolved. And we come back to pure Presence. Atma. So Atma playing as person is Atma believing conditions about Itself. You see?

Then, we hold on to our special ones. ‘Everything but this one, these two; don’t touch these. These I’m not willing to give up on’. And you see, life pulls at them. It pulls at them, doesn’t it? It pulls, pulls, pulls until we open our hands. And we find that as we open our hands, nothing that we truly needed, (because we don’t need anything actually), is taken away. Being is just being. Being is not being dependent on anything. So, if we look at all aspects of our life; our attachments, our grievances, our conditions are all reliant on this conditioning.

The good news is, although it can seem very vast, there is only one way that we can attach a condition to ourself. What is the way? [Silence] What is the way to get conditioned? So, let’s see how we get conditioned in the first place. Is it the appearance of objects? Beautiful things are appearing or horrendous things are appearing. Is it possible for there to be conditions or conditioning just because of the appearance of things? Possible? [Silence] We must contemplate.

So, my feeling is, after we come back from the break, (I’ve said this often, I know, [Laughs] so don’t laugh at me), then I’m not going to ‘spoon feed’ as much. I feel I want to push you a little further into these things.

So, (as we say), don’t take my word for anything. Is it possible for there to be suffering without conditions?

Resistance means Suffering

A:It’s very important that we look at this because every suffering of the mind itself is only Consciousness, you see. It is Consciousness. Now if truly it is understood that there is no personal ‘I’ it is experienced. We recognize what this is and we are not picking up any idea of this ‘I’. This is all showing that there is something personal. So, although suffering also happens within the ‘What Is’, then what does it imply? It implies that something personal is being picked up. Therefore, we cannot say that ‘I truly have dropped the sense of personal ‘I’ and yet suffering is continuing; but I know that I am not suffering because it is only God which is doing everything’. It is a very subtle point and a very important point. And it is a point where all, (not all, but many) are stuck.

What then happens is that we say that ‘it is not the sun which is going around the earth coming from the east and setting in the west. I know that it is the earth, which is going around the sun’. So, even when the experience of suffering is coming, which means that the experience of sun rising and sun setting is happening, we try to say ‘Yes, but I know the truth. Actually it is the earth, which is going around’. And it is our experience that the sun rising and setting.

So, what happens is that the way this realm is designed, just like gravity attracts two objects together and doesn’t push them apart…, just like water flows from higher to lower level, in the same way, there is only suffering if there is something personal. Although all of it is happening in the realm of unconsciousness. Nothing is changing in reality about Consciousness.

But the appearance of suffering implies that there is a misbelief. I am believing myself to be something which is not. So instead of applying this, we say ‘No, no, no, I am just Consciousness. Suffering is not real, okay?’ We try to Advaita our suffering away by causing mental concepts and that creates more resistance.

Instead of that, it is better to look, you see, better to look. You know why? And that is words that we have; that is why we are in satsang. ‘What is it that I am still believing about myself?’ and then inquiring in an authentic way. You see in suffering and everything happens only within Consciousness.

This pointing is God’s play within Consciousness, telling Him that there is no need to suffer now because you are not a person. There is nothing personal about you. You see?

Does this mean we are resisting something? No, in fact, we are getting open. And openness and suffering are opposites.

The intellectual mind, or the Advaita mind, can make this very confusing. But it is not possible in this realm for this hand to be closed and open at the same time. This is the living experience. If the hand is open, it is the opposite of suffering. It is Consciousness. It is only a play of Consciousness.

What can happen is that we can have the experience that life is telling us that ‘The ‘me’ is being kept alive by showing this’. And we are avoiding even that, until something really big has to come and shake us out of this. You see?

So, I am trying to save you trouble, because it is trouble I experienced here myself. And it is not the end of suffering. I was keeping the ‘me’ alive in the Advaita itself. Then you see the alarm clock is ringing ‘beep, beep, beep, beep, beep’ saying ‘me is there, me is there, me is there: inquire’. And the beep, beep gets more and more intense. We can try to deny away our suffering as much as we like. But it doesn’t really help.

Q:Father, may I speak here? For me, what is actually happening is that I don’t have any identification with anything now, like with the family or anything. Even what comes, anybody tells stories, my stories…., anything it doesn’t matter because it is not believed, any of those. But I don’t know if there is anything beyond the superficial one, the on-the-surface one.

I don’t know if I am right to say that I still don’t feel that complete satisfaction. Somehow, I don’t know if you are able to feel what I am feeling from my heart, but there is a deep urge here. (Or, is it true or is this also imagined?) But still, that complete satisfaction…, for example, if you are really hungry and you have a proper meal and your tummy is full and you feel so satisfied and you relax into it completely.

That is exactly what I feel, like I’m looking for that kind of complete satisfaction or complete fullness or contentment, or whatever it is. That is something which is coming up. But I don’t know what is going to give me that. You know? It is also another picking up, but I don’t know. I’m not sure, Father. Maybe that is why. It is very subtle. I am not able to notice it. So, it is a bit of…, because nothing outside is making me happy now. So I don’t what is this all.

A:Yes, it’s trying to justify now. ‘I have heard that there is so much contentment that you feel completely full and I just want that. I want that. What am I asking for?’ It is basic; this small identification. ‘Then I must have this and I am not getting this’.

You use what is happening. The identification which is left is the identification with this.

The ‘I’ that wants it…, is which one? [Silence] The same one. You see? Isn’t it? So, this is how the mind can be tricky. Not, it is Seen that everything is becoming lighter, (relationships, money, body, seeking itself is becoming lighter), and it very subtly it sold you the idea ‘But this should make you really contentment. I should feel good in my heart’. You see? And the ‘I’ was born again in this; the pretend’ I’. This way. That’s why it is a trickster. And it can seem very, very justifiable. ‘Yes, now I am not identifying. I am free. I recognize myself. I am this Awareness, which is aware even of Being. But where is the contentment?’ [Chuckles] That small ‘but…’ You see? ‘But where is the contentment’…, itself makes a problem. It is also not the Ultimate, because the ‘I’ that wants contentment is not Being.

Exposing What We Find is Still Happening with Us

Q:At the moment, it feels like there are a lot of tendencies that are here that I didn’t even really realize were there, to be honest.

A: Like? For example?

Q:One of them is this obsession with things which are labeled ‘mine’. Even though I can’t find the ‘me’ when I look, still it’s there, and it’s almost hypnotic somehow.

A: Things which are the mind?

Q:No, things which are mine, which feel like they belong to me. And it’s not just things, as in physical things. It’s also…, I don’t know. I don’t know exactly what, but it’s not just physical things. And I can see it’s not true but at the same time it’s like somehow I’m enjoying it.

A: Like in the feeling of ownership?

Q:Yeah, and this kind of privacy really, this secrecy, this center point that’s ‘me’. And then, of course, thoughts are always there to back that up and to say ‘Oh, yeah, yeah. Here’s the border line and here’s why that person is doing that, or what they’re planning’. And it’s all suspicion, so I’m finding that…, it’s horrible. It’s really horrible, and I want it to stop, as in I feel deeply that…

A:Can you give an example of something that happened which manifested in this way, to make us clear?

Q:Yeah, so an example would be, say if I’m at home, say if I’m cooking something or making some tea or something like that. And I just feel like…, I have been feeling a bit hopeless recently, and a bit down, so that’s there. And then when these guys come through [referring to Sangha roommates] quite innocently, and just say ‘Oh what are you making?’ and immediately something goes [makes contraction sound] inside and I just feel like ‘Urgh!’

A:Like what, the tea is mine? Don’t touch it! Like that?

Q:Well yeah, and…

A:Are you using tea metaphorically, or seriously? [Chuckles]

Q:Seriously. [Laughter] I feel like a 3 year old with a bag of sweets or something. Or even worse, because I can see that there’s no joy in this ‘me’…, even worse I feel like a 3 year old with a toy which takes two people to play, like a see-saw. And I’m sat on the see-saw, and

obviously you can’t play on the see-saw on your own, but because of basically selfishness, nobody else can sit on the other side. And it’s horrible, and…

A: Yes. It can happen sometimes like that.

Q: There’s a lot of resistance sometimes to just dropping it.

A:Do you feel like the rest of your roommates are lazy? Because it can be like that. ‘They laze around and don’t do anything, and I’m making tea and they want that also!’ [Laughter]

Q:I don’t think so, because I’ve always enjoyed cooking and I enjoy being in the kitchen and I enjoy, I guess, providing for people. So, over the past three years or so I would say, as a character, it’s been the complete opposite. I’ve always shared whatever I’ve had, and that’s why its painful and it comes as a shock, because suddenly it’s here where I just feel like I don’t want to share anything and I’m always looking and checking my things to make sure ‘Is it still there?’ But of course, it’s always one way. What the mind is presenting is only for me and not for anybody else. It’s been going on for a while and I don’t know why I’ve not exposed it. I guess because it’s felt so stupid. But at the same time, I’m looking at it now and I have to admit that it feels very real when it happens.

A: Yes.

Q:And it’s only afterwards when I go ‘Oh my god. What was that about?’ There’s definitely less resistance now to just going and apologizing, or going and saying ‘Here you go, have this’. But I can see that I can’t just blame the mind and say ‘Oh it’s the mind’ because something is really going with it. And of course, if I wasn’t enjoying it on some level then I wouldn’t be doing it. So I really want to ask for your help because it feels like in doing this I’m pushing people away.

A:Yes. So first thing to do with all of these is to not go with the ‘one-two punch’. The first one is getting you anyway. The guilt one, you see? ‘I’m being a bad person’ or ‘I’m being so selfish’…, all of this, forget about it. Because that is not helpful in getting rid of the first one, it’s actually energizing it. The mind is celebrating ‘Yes! One-two combo! Good!’

Just see that we can say that ‘Yes, I was making tea, and Hari came into the kitchen and I felt possessive for my tea and I said ‘I am going to have this right now, please, if you don’t mind’ or something. It just happened like that, you see?

And when you watch it like that you’ll see that just in that moment something played out in this way. So, you bought yourself to be the owner of the tea, now at least don’t buy the one who is guilty of being selfish. So, make that lighter first. And now that you’ve exposed this it becomes easier, because they know then that [Inaudible] so they’re not resenting you about it. It is allowed.

Second is that these things, they survive stronger in darkness than in sunshine. It is said that sunshine is the best disinfectant. In the same way, now that you’ve exposed it and said ‘This is what is happening here’…, you’ve exposed not only your own light on it, but in the light of satsang you will find that as you brought your looking into this, you will find that, in itself, it will get lighter and lighter. If you’re not falling for the guilt or selfishness or regret ideas, something just shines on this, independent. What is it that wants to hold onto other things? Where is it coming from? Is there a sense of lack? Or is there a sense of being made up of my possessions? What is it? Your light will shine brighter on these inquiries, on these questions. And it will not become stronger; it will get lighter and lighter.

So, firstly don’t be guilty, don’t regret, don’t say ‘Oh I’m so selfish’. Don’t put any labels onto yourself because this has happened. Then all this muck is at least kept aside. Then it becomes just like this. Then, when the moment comes that again you’re making a chocolate cake or something and you wanted the whole thing for yourself, and someone comes in and is looking at it …, [Wags finger, laughing] then as that happens, you’re not falling into the trap of guilt and all of that, you’re just looking. ‘So what happened there? Was it a sense of need that I have? Was it a sense of not wanting to be exploited? Do I feel a sense of lack if my possessions are taken away? What is it that I am most scared to lose?’

Q:So, something that is definitely there is this exploitation, I guess. But it’s more that somebody is… [Pause]

A:You can say it, it’s Okay. [To other Sangha roommates]: He can say it, yes?

Q:Do you know what ‘Taking the Mickey’ means?

A:Taking the Mickey? I thought it just meant making a fool of you?

Q:No, it’s kind of being taken advantage of! Someone is bouncing around on their own rhythm and not being respectful or considerate. And so then this defensiveness comes. Yes, that’s what it is. And then the tendency recently has been just to want to go into retreat, to go in my room and shut the door. But I can see that that’s not going to solve anything.

A:And when we look and see ‘Who is it that can be taken advantage of?’

Q:Exactly.

A:There’s nobody.

Q:There’s nobody, there’s nothing. But when it happens, somehow this sense of a constriction is there, and then the voice starts. It knows every button, and it’s going… [Makes pinging sound] and it’s saying ‘Oh, yeah, remember this? Remember that?’ It’s hypnotic in a way, and I go into it, and I believe it somehow. Or even when somehow I can see ‘Hang on a minute, who? Is that

really the case?’ But something has still really got its claws in and it feels like that thing is ‘me’. I feel like I have to take some responsibility for it because I do feel like I am enjoying it on some level. Some kind of weird…

A:Who? Who is enjoying? [Laughter] Who is taking responsibility? These are very subtle things that the mind can sell us, and that’s also the ‘one-two punch’ combo. It can be either pride or guilt.

Q:Maybe what I mean is that sometimes it’s the Advaita one who will go ‘Oh, no, no, it’s not me! And so therefore I don’t even have to look at it.’ That kind of insincerity.

A: Yes, the fake niceness.

Q:Yeah, I can’t run with that any more. That’s not going to do anything. That’s useless. So, now I’m looking. And there is sort of a helplessness even to look.

A:So, the interaction that happens when you’re in the process of making your tea is not what we’re trying to fix here. That can flow still; you can be a sage and tell somebody ‘Don’t touch my tea, okay?’ or ‘Leave my stuff alone!’ It can flow like that. But we’re looking at is, first, the by-products of all of this side play that is happening with you. ‘Yes, I want to believe that I’m enjoying that’. That play, or the guilt play, or the selfish one; look at all of that. And to see, if at the root of this manifesting, there’s a sense of need or lack or victimization or exploitation, (which is all just mental, you see?) So once that is thrown away, or most of that is thrown away, then it doesn’t matter.

Q:Definitely in the bigger picture. [Inaudible] But also I don’t have a job, and I’ve obviously got Gracie in England who’s missing me a lot, and I am just feeling a bit ‘Whoaa!’ It feels sometimes that all of that sense of responsibility for this life, all of that sense of how things should be, has been taken away. [Inaudible] and I think something’s scared. I do feel sometimes [Inaudible]

A:When that sense of responsibility was believed, you did a very good job? [Laughter]

Q:No, I mean, I wasn’t happy at all.

A:The mind tells you these stories but only gives you part of the story. ‘You have to be completely responsible now, what about these things?’ [Chuckles] ‘But when I had all those things, was I behaving much better?’ Then you see that the mind can sell us all of these stories. But with the question ‘Who? Who am I?’ you cannot really fall for any of these traps. And as our direct seeing, our satsang is meeting the rest of our life, there’s bound to be some friction where it seems like the rubber is hitting the road. There can be. But you’ll find that it becomes more

and more natural. And here, of course, you know that we don’t have any rules. I’m not saying that you have to always just be here. When it’s time to go and meet your daughter, you’ll find yourself booking the ticket, you’ll find yourself coming back. It’s all allowed to happen very organically.

But no buying tickets to any merry-go-round! Basically, why? Because at the root of it is ‘If I just leave everything to God then, one, He’s going to make a big mess of it; and two, I’m now a very terrible, irresponsible, lazy person’. All of these sticky things come with our sense of doership. And as we let go, you find that without this burden of doership, it is not that doing stops; it is the ‘Being responsible/irresponsible. What are others thinking of me? Am I being this way or that way?’ …, that drops away more and more. And you know that this Consciousness which is being allowed to run our life has always been the One which is running our life; without the sense of…, (with a lot less sense of) pride and guilt.

It’s the intertwining of various things, you see. The sense that ‘Something can be taken away from me, or I have to hold onto something otherwise it goes away from me’. This kind of sense. Or the sense of ‘How am I behaving? Am I being selfish, responsible or irresponsible?’ Then there can be a sense of ‘Yes, yes, but I am justified! I’m feeling some power when I do that; blocking others from touching my stuff’. We can look at all of these.

But it doesn’t mean that our actions at the end of it, (and especially when you say that it seems like a deeply hypnotic state), we see that we cannot do anything there. But at least now, coming to satsang, we see that when the hypnotism doesn’t seem as strong, then we can see ‘What other concepts am I picking up?’ Enlighten those. As you lighten those, then even the hypnosis will seem lighter and lighter.

It’s like that. That’s why we’ve been focusing so much on that because I can say that for all of you, you’ve had very direct recognition about who you are. Isn’t it? When we speak about Awareness and Consciousness, it isn’t like we’re speaking about some mental concepts. It is directly verifiable. Isn’t it? Now, all of this prior conditioning will come to play; sometimes in a bigger way also, as the recognition is happening. So allow it also to come and go. And what you did now is very useful, to be able to expose it. It’s not easy, because your roommates are also here and you’ve come and said…

Q:I’m really sorry. I feel like my attention just keeps diving off into imagination.

A:It’s okay.

Q:I just feel like I’m not fully with you or something.

A:It’s okay. It will become lighter and lighter. The good thing is we record all of this. [Laughter] There is no escape. [Laughter]

We should actually do that, you know? We discussed once…, Ziya had come up with an idea that anyone who comes up with a question then has to go back and transcribe the interaction. At least in that way, we ensure that anything you didn’t hear.., you’ll get some snippets of what I am saying, and it might seem like I’m saying ABC, but actually I might be saying just the opposite. So, that might be a good thing, especially for those who have been in satsang for some time. We can say ‘Okay, if you have a question, a real question, let it be real enough that you’re willing to put in some effort to transcribe the answer also’. That’s good. Then we’ll find that when you know you have to transcribe this later, some more attention will stay.

One of the biggest things that pulls our attention away is ‘Okay, how am I going to respond? What am I going to say next?’ And that play will also become lighter, because you’ll see the words will just come. You don’t have to work out the words you’re going to say next. The exchange will become a lot more spontaneous. This is very good.

That’s why I’ve been saying that the recognition is very vital, very important. But with the help of the pointings which are being shared here, I feel that all of you are coming to that recognition. But that doesn’t mean that the recognition itself is liberation.

Also the allowing of all this conditioning to come out, to be released, to not to give value to these things, especially not to our guilt about these things; that is very important also. And there is no 100% end to conditioning. Jokingly I used to say 99.986% is enough.

And like you said, there are many things that we forget. When you made that fan slower, then I realized how much noise it was making. So, things are coming out now which, because your sensitivity is increasing, you’re finding. Otherwise very quickly we go into our justifications and say ‘Yes, yes, I was completely justified in doing what I did’ and things like this. Here, we are at least starting to look.

And very importantly, you said something very good, which is that we drop our fake spiritual personas also. [Chuckles] Because sometimes we can play like ‘We’re in satsang, so I have to be nice’. [Laughter] So, all that dropping also is very authentic. We don’t have to purposely or forcefully make ourselves share, or forcefully make ourselves love others. It’s not like that. It’s much more natural. ‘I don’t feel to share right now’. It’s fine. Sometimes satsang can be for them also. A lot of things, I’m sure in any interaction, always give both sides something to look at. Isn’t it? So, it is some satsang for your roommates also.

What Does Knowing Mean Actually?

Q:I really don’t know anything at the moment. [Laughing] I just know that I wanted to look closer with you on doership, what is going on. And I don’t even know if this is true. So, there’s some obsession going on with making these highlights. [Highlight videos of segments of satsang talks by subject] And I was looking at it, and I…, I just don’t know anything anymore. [Giggles] Um…, what I can remember, yeah? … [Laughs]…

A: [Laughs]

Q: … what I remember now is that …

A:Can you forget what you remember? Let’s forget what you remember and just remain fresh here.

Q: Yeah, fresh.

A:You want to remember? You want to get into all that? No. It’s better not to. No?

Q:Yeah. No, there’s…, (I don’t know how to put it in words…).

A:Let’s start with this ‘I don’t know’ itself.

Q:Yeah. I like that very much. [Laughs]

A:[Laughs] At least so far you do. I hope it continues. Because this question usually is not very comfortable, because when we look at just these very basics then the inquiry can be very short, actually.

We say ‘I know something’ or ‘I don’t know something. What do we actually mean by that? [Silence] All of us must look together.

Q: I don’t know. [Big laughter]

A:So, we can slow it down for everyone, so everyone can follow. We say ‘I know’. Or sometimes we say ‘I don’t know’. What is it that is really meant? And all of us can check on this.

What is it that we mean by ‘knowing’?

Q:When I say ‘I don’t know’ it is just what is here. There is nothing to be known at the moment. I’m just here. There’s no thoughts which are going on, or anything….

A:Very good. So, can we say that, usually, when it is said ‘I don’t know anything’ or ‘I know something’ we are talking about the description of something or the image of something from memory or from imagination?

Q: Sorry, that was too long to remember.

A:So, I’m saying that when we say, usually, that ‘I know something’…, aren’t we talking about the concept of something, which is the description of something or a visual/mental representation of something? Isn’t that usually how we denote knowing?

Q:Yes. When you know, life going on, talking to people, or just saying ‘Yes, I know he is coming then’ or whatever. Something like that; the schedule…

A:Yes, very good. So, does everyone agree that this is how the word ‘knowing’ is usually used? To get a concept or to get a visual of something is usually how the word ‘knowing’ is used. Then when we say ‘I don’t know’ it means I don’t have a clear concept of what I want to communicate, or I don’t have a clear visual either or what is going on’. You see? It is like a blank. Isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A:Good. It is still knowing; which fluctuates between having a concept of something or not having a concept of something; or not having a clear concept of something. Is this mental knowing, which is having the description of something or having the visual of something…, is that the only knowing?

Q:So, you say to be fresh here. So, what is here? There are no thoughts here, and this is what I see. There are no thoughts, but I can say ‘This is what I know. This is what I see’.

A:So, the non-existence of certain phenomena like thoughts is also known. When I say ‘I don’t know’ what we’re saying is ‘I Know that I don’t have a good concept right now’.

Q: Yes.

A:I can repeat this for everyone. Usually in the world, when we say ‘I don’t know’ what we are saying is ‘I Know that I don’t know concept or description right now’. Isn’t it? So, there’s a knowing of it which is prior to this kind of mental knowing, isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A:You see? Now, what does this Knowing, (let’s call the Knowing with a capital ‘K’), what is this Knowing dependent on?

Q:There is no dependence.

A:At all?

Q:No, no. Not at all.

A:Very good. Who are all coming to this conclusion?

Q:[Inaudible]

A:So, he says…, (very good question)…, ‘Isn’t this Knowing dependent on the sense of Being?

And when we check, we see that there is the appearance of the waking state ‘I Am’ also. (So, don’t worry if some of you are getting confused by this). So, isn’t there a knowing of even this ‘I Am-ness’ …, that ‘I exist’ …, which is independent of any sort of mental knowing; independent even of the presence or absence of Being? To report if it is true or not, you will need that; the reporting, of course, is dependent on that. But the Knowing, which means that ‘I Know I woke up at 7:00 a.m. but I just wanted to lay in the bed and keep my eyes closed’. So, what changed at 7:00 a.m.? [Silence] This sense of existence came. Isn’t it? This Knowingness must have been there to see the changing of ‘nothing-ness’ to ‘something-ness’.

So, Nitya says that ‘It is completely independent’. Now, how many of you agree or disagree? Agree…, on direct Seeing. Dis-agree? [Begins speaking with sangha in room]

Q: [Inaudible] …when the mind comes in, then I go from ‘nothing-ness’ to ‘something-ness’

A:Again, we go slowly, so what have we covered so far. We started with this point where Nitya said ‘I don’t know’. And I said ‘That is a beautiful place to start the inquiry’. So, what is that we usually mean by saying that ‘I know something’. What does it mean? Let’s go again. What is it that we mean?

Q: [Inaudible] …visual images or descriptions.

A:Visual images, descriptions. So, this is one kind of knowing. Then we said ‘Is this the only knowing? Isn’t it also Known that ‘Right now, I don’t have a thought. I don’t have a clear thought about something’? Now, this Knowing is which one? What Knows that right now a clear thought is not available…, or I’m not getting a clear visual replica of what is this Knowing? (And I said that for a while, we’ll call this the Knowing with a capital ‘K’.)

Q: [Inaudible]

A:Mind disappeared. Very good. So, he said ‘If there is a question, the mind disappeared, and now it’s making a come-back’. Yes. [Looks at questioner]. It’s not making a come-back? Well, it

will come back eventually. [Chuckles] Now, it’s really back. We’ll not look at you, will that help? [Laughs]

What do you mean by knowing? (Give him the mic.) He enjoys seeing me do the inquiry.

Q:I try to do some magic and just disappear everything. [Laughs] So, you said that there are only two kinds of knowing. One is a mental description of something, and one is the Awareness, the primal Knowing. I said that there is something…, which is an experience of something. So, suppose I am having some experience. Right now I am tasting a mango, or I am feeling a pain in the body, so I’m having any kind of experience. But this experience is neither a mental knowing nor a primal Knowing. So, what is this?

A:Yes. This experience is Known by what? [Silence] It is experienced by Consciousness. It is tasting the mango. Now that this phenomenal perceiving is going on, who Knows this or is aware of this? [Silence] Would you say there is no difference between the tasting, and the knowing of the tasting? Qualitatively. Fundamentally, of course, there is no difference.

Q:There is a knowing which enables the tasting to happen. But of course, it is a knowing; the experience of something is a knowing which is neither a mental nor a primal Knowing.

A:Yeah, we can say like that. The experience of it also we can put in the category of small ‘k’. But it is fundamentally that the Knowing of this phenomenal tasting remains unchanged. Isn’t it? And that is where all of this reporting, all of this tasting, is also Known. If this Knowing was not there, then would there be any awareness of the phenomenal experience; be it sight or tasting or feeling?

So, when we say the description of something or the visual replica of something…, whether the replica is happening here [indicated outside area, the room] or the replica is happening seemingly-here [indicates his head], it’s all just replicas are being experienced, isn’t it?

Where are we with Nitya? [First questioner]

Q:Father, everything can be really (like you said) very short, because I’m just here, and of course, I’m aware that I’m here.

A: Yes.

Q:And with this, just everything stops. That’s it. What to say? Nothing anymore. You know? I’m trying to find something but actually, it’s totally impossible.

A:So, let’s even look at this. What does it mean when we say ‘I am trying to find something’? Can you break it down further? What does it mean?

Q: It’s just empty here.

A: What is empty? Is the appearance empty?

Q:Of course, I can see. I can see everything here. But what I see is empty.

A:Empty, of what?

Q:Of personal things, I would say maybe. Of personal relationship to it.

A:Yes. It also starts to become empty of description, isn’t it? Empty of this mental meaning that we have been giving it. If the appearance just remains the simple appearance and it becomes empty of description, (and, as you said very beautifully actually), empty of a sense of personal relationship with what is appearing. It is just appearing.

Very good.

Q:Now, what comes in to my mind is triggers. Triggers are coming, yeah? Like with this doership or something like this. When something personal comes into it…, it just gets personal, in a way. And sometimes very subtle only; very subtle. Personhood; you just sense it. There’s some ‘me’ in it.

A:So, also you can describe this to everyone. You can describe this. How can something which is appearing…, how does it start seeming personal?

Q:I have to interpret. I have to interpret something, when something occurs like maybe a feeling, I have to believe something about it. I have to go relate to it. I have to relate to that which is appearing; make it somehow ‘my own’.

A:Yes. But can it be that the appearance is just the appearance…, but a thought comes…, and without belief in that thought, does something really change about the appearance?

Q: No. Nothing at all.

A:So, something becoming personal is, therefore, just a pretense. Isn’t it?

Q:[Silence]

A:What I mean by ‘pretense’ is that nothing really changed; even at the level of appearance.

Q:No, the appearance stays always just an appearance. It is always just an appearance. The relationship of thought, belief and appearance has to come together somehow.

A:Yes. And even in the coming together of it, nothing has really changed except that now there is a presumption or condition that something is ‘mine’ or ‘not mine’ or ‘I want something’ or ‘I don’t want something’ or ‘I like something’ or ‘I don’t like something’. You see? All these presumptions come into play.

Q:I just forgot the meaning of ‘presumption’. Sorry… [Chuckles]

A:Pretending. Just like a pretending.

Q:Pretending…, okay. Yeah, it’s actually very easy. You just don’t relate to anything; don’t believe anything. It’s always this. Always this.

A:So, now let me play the Devil’s advocate, literally. So, when you say ‘Okay, then I just don’t relate to anything’. But isn’t that just such a life-less, boring, insipid existence?

Q:No, not at all! It’s very light, very beautiful, very alive; really alive, actually. Really alive.

A:Won’t joy stop if I stop relating to things?

Q:No. [Smiling] No. [Chuckles] No, not at all.

A:What is the trouble I will get if I stop this personal relating? You have to warn me; you have to warn me now, what is the trouble I can expect if I stop relating to this world of appearances personally?

Q:No trouble! [Laughs] Not at all. What trouble? I mean, it’s just beautiful. [Chuckles] It’s just great.

A:Okay, no trouble; you say ‘No trouble’ if I don’t relate to anything personally.

Q:Yeah.

A:Then why do it in the first place?

Q:It’s just a habit, really, actually. It’s really just somehow the energy plays like this; some energy pull goes to it. Because it was just learned for such a long time to do that and to believe. And if you don’t Know who you are, who This Is, if you don’t Know that You Are This, you cannot do it. Otherwise, it’s just like …, yeah…, it’s just happening like this.

A:It sounds very simple to me. It sounds very simple to me, that just appearances are coming, the interpreter is coming with interpretations or meanings about them. All I’m meant to do is let go of these meanings and interpretations and allow life to just be. Is that what you’re saying?

Q:Yes. But you just cannot do it in that sense, (how to say that?) I mean, when you’re here, it’s just very natural. It’s just how it is. That is the natural state.

A: What do you mean by ‘When you are here’? What does it mean?

Q:When you’re just not relating to anything; just here in this Presence, as This Presence; when you’re just empty. To be here is just being empty and not relating personally to anything what is appearing; what is coming up inside, outside, or whatever. This is what I mean ‘Just being here’.

And when you’re here, it’s actually very … it is not actually possible to…, I don’t know how to believe now, at the moment. You really have to think, really. I don’t know even how to think right now. Therefore, thoughts have to come.

A: [Chuckles] Yes.

Q:And you have to believe them. But when you’re here, you have to not …, I don’t know, I forgot where we were, actually.

A:[Chuckles] It’s very good; it’s very good. You are coming to the end of trouble, you see? And you said with 100% certainty ‘The only way to come to suffering or trouble is first the appearance of this interpreter thought, and then, even after the appearance, there needs to be a belief or an identification with it. Isn’t it?

Q:Yes. [Silence] Father, I have the feeling I can’t even follow what we are talking of here, because …, it’s just so empty.

A: So, you KNOW that you don’t know? [Chuckles]

Q: I Know! But then I don’t know, yeah. It’s very beautiful.

A:[Chuckles] Now, if I were to be a bit radical and say that the small ‘k’ knowing, we cannot really testify to it being true; at best, (as [Nisargadatta] Maharaj said), ‘You can say the only truth that I can say is that ‘I Am’ … , but ultimately this is not the truth’. Therefore, in this one simple statement, he discarded everything that is known in this mental sort of way. Isn’t it? Because that is the Truth; which is The Truth must remain. Truth, (at least the definition we are using here), is not something which is coming and going.

So, within the waking state, the only seeming Truth seems to be that ‘I exist’ …, ‘I Am’. But because we have experienced other states, it is seen that ultimately this Knowingness, this Awareness, is not even subject to this Presence. ‘It is not subject to’ implies that it is the only subject but it is not dependent on anything, including this ‘I Am’.

To use words, you can say that ‘The only Truth is that I Am’. No attributes. And the job of this mental knowing seems to be to present interpretations, attributes, and conditions for this pure Presence ‘I Am’.

Q:Father, how it is here is more that ‘I Am’ and also ‘I am not’ is more true; both.

A:Yes. What do you mean by ‘I am not’?

Q:What do I mean? It is really both. ‘I Am’ is the first appearance really.

A:Yes.

Q:And ‘I am not’ is even more what I am. [Groans. Laughs.]

A:I like this quote a lot, actually. So, this ‘I am not’ means that…, rather than saying ‘I am not’…, because in saying ‘I am not’ is only cancelling the ‘Am-ness’. Isn’t it? You’re not cancelling the ‘I-ness’.

I know it can sound a bit technical, but what you are saying is that ‘I’ is more than even ‘I Am’.

Q: Yes, right, right. Yeah. Yes. Right.

A:So, this ‘I’ …, which is the ‘I’ that remains, as Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] said…, [Silence] Is it possible to lose this ‘I’?

Q: [Laughing] No. No, it’s not. No.

A:If it is not possible to lose this ‘I’ (and is it okay if we call this ‘I’ the Self?), then what is the spiritual journey about…, this journey for the Self?

Q: [Laughing] I don’t know what it is. I have no idea. I have truly no idea.

It is just…, how to say? How to answer a question like this, when you’re just here, empty, and this is the only Truth, so to say. How can you answer a question like this? I have no idea. Really. Seriously. How to answer any question? I don’t know how you are doing this, actually. [Chuckles]

A:The first part of the play of appearances, isn’t it?

Q:Yeah, it must be like this. [Laughing together]

Q:Like going shopping or something like this. It’s the same; no difference to anything else.

This Openness, Surrender

More and more, this openness will reveal its gifts to you. Because openness seems like a very simple pointing. To the mind, it seems like ‘Can openness really be at the core of these pointings which are about Awareness and Consciousness?’ But it is very much. Because this openness, acceptance…, this openness, surrender; we cannot surrender if we have concepts about how things should be. If we are closed to what should appear or should not appear then that is not a surrender. You see?

As we allow ourselves to remain open, then we start to realize the true meaning of acceptance, surrender. And all the gifts; all of these are not far behind. As long we are not hanging on to those things which are the by-products, then you will find there is nowhere else for them to go. They are only in service to you. Love is waiting to serve your unassociated Presence, devotion is waiting to wash your feet; but not the feet of an idea about who you are.

In this openness is the recognition of your unlimited-ness, boundary-less-ness. You know these simple pointings:

Are you aware now?

Who is aware of Awareness?

They are introducing yourself to your Being. You are coming to your recognition.

Don’t undervalue this. Because we are now jaded with the words ‘Awareness’ and ‘Consciousness’. Truly, you are discovering now that all of this play of time and space are just like toys you bought to entertain yourself.

See for yourself what is being spoken. Don’t just put it in a mental drawer to be used in Advaita discussions.

What are we saying is there is no person. There is no person. Even that should be enough to let us explode right now. There is no person. It’s not just ‘There is no person’. THERE IS NO PERSON.

No separation ever happened. There is no person.