FREEDOM IS NOW

Book Description

This book is a compilation of short, poignant talks taken from online Satsangs with Ananta between 19th May to 11th July 2016. It is not the recognition which is difficult. More difficult is to give up our stories. But That which You Are, (and you’re recognizing it now), cannot have a story. That which is not phenomenal cannot have a story. That within which all phenomenon is born and dissolves cannot have a story. You Are This.

Satsang with Ananta

High above the noise and pollution of Bangalore traffic on Old Airport Road, Beings from all corners of the world gather on the top floor of a multi story building. Flowers are placed where Anantaji’s feet will be and on the altar with photos of His Master, Sri Moojiji. Incense is lit, water is poured, and the Sangha sit quietly waiting for Anantaji, or Father as most of the Sangha lovingly call Him, to enter the room. When Anantaji joins the room, the Sangha stand in reverence and respect until their Father is seated. Ananta opens His mac laptop, connects to google hangout where there are many more Sangha all around the world waiting to join in live. And Satsang begins with “Namaste everyone, a very warm welcome to satsang today, Satguru Moojiji ki Jai.”

About Ananta

Ananta gives satsang with the blessings of his Master, Sri Mooji. He lives in Bangalore, India with his wife, son and daughter. He offers satsang in Bangalore, simultaneously broadcast live online via YouTube, which includes a Google Hangout. See Ananta Facebook page for Satsang schedules, contact, information, recordings and updates of satsang with Ananta.

Satsang with Ananta YouTube channel and satsang link is: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmc83jyrwpCNBT2xywXVoLg/feed

Website: www.anantasatsang.org

Facebook site: https://www.facebook.com/satsangwithananta

Sangha Facebook site: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sanghabeing/

This is the 6th book of Ananta satsang talks. This book is a compilation of short, poignant talks taken from online satsangs with Ananta, from 19th May to 11th July 2016. Transcribed and collected with love by the Sangha, edited by Amaya, while keeping Ananta’s words as they were delivered so that his voice is heard as we read his words. (The Q: means satsang guest/questioner, the A: means Ananta in conversational text.) In deepest love and gratitude to Anantaji (nicknamed ‘Father’ by some), as an offering to all who seek Truth and freedom from suffering through these simple pointings.

Preface

The substance of what has been shared here has not changed:

We are not this ‘person’.

We are not enclosed in the body/mind.

The Presence of Being Here is undeniable.

You are That who is Aware of even this Being.

That which is Awareness cannot be bound in any way.

All of this is a play of Consciousness: believing itself to be a person, or

recognizing Itself, Its Source to be Awareness Itself.

So, the question to Consciousness is: Which way do you want to play?

Spiritual seeker, spiritual finder, mere person? You are none of this.

I don’t feel that the recognition should be trouble, using the simple pointers: ‘Can you stop being?

Are you aware now?’

Those of you who have been in satsang for a while are not finding the recognition to be trouble. When checking, I feel the recognition is very clear. It is just that this conditioning still seems to hold sway.

Ultimately, you relax. Those who have been in satsang for some time, I’m quite sure they would testify and say that ‘When I check, I know that this is true, what you say’.

Then what is it that is not done? What is still left to be done? And what could actually help to get that done?

If God wants to play as name and form, as spiritual seeker, as enlightened person, as student, as teacher, then God will play as all of that. In His game, in this realm alone, seemingly He is playing as 7 billion different expressions. Every expression unique; with the different ideas about themselves. 7 billion unique expressions of the One Being…, with everyone mostly believing ‘This happened to me, this is my story, this is my life, this is my plan’. Some of us also have plans for freedom.

But God is just Here.

There is No Way That You Can Miss Yourself

Someone came to me and said ‘Can you tell me the way to MG road in Bangalore?’ [I said] ‘Go straight on this road, and then you take a right, and then you take a left, and you’re on MG road’. Then, to help, we say ‘When you take the right, there’s this big pristine white building, very clear, very beautiful. And when you take the left, you’ll see this big space, un-used, nobody’s using it’. Then what happens? I expect that they’ll just look like this and they’ll come to this destination…, so-called seeming destination that we’re talking about.

But what happens many times is that first someone could feel like they’re being misguided. They say ‘Oh, but when I spoke to that other one, he said first the space will come and then the building will come. So can we discuss that?’

So I say ‘Go and check, what comes first?’ They say ‘No, no, but that one seemed more credible than you’. I say, ‘Okay, I might be wrong. But can we go and check?’ … They say ‘No, but I brought the map also which actually says it’s like this. There is no space (or there is no building)’. Like this. Then what happens is that we start collecting. So around this sense of getting direction, then we start collecting this other… [Inaudible] ‘What do you want? MG Road?’ … [They say] ‘Oh, I know, I know, I know. First you go left from here, then you will find this very, very beautiful restaurant; and you go and eat at that restaurant.’

You see what I’m getting at? The point is that we get so stuck in what it must look like and what is the right way and what is the wrong way, and who is saying what. ‘Is this the truth? Is that the truth?’ Then we refuse to first go and see for ourself. This is the seeker identity. It is looking. You’re saying ‘I’m looking for the pen. Can you tell me what it’s like?’ And I say ‘It’s blue in color and it’s got a white cover on top’. What else is needed but to look…, for that which is blue in color and has a white cover?

So something starts enjoying the seeking itself, and in the enjoyment of the seeking itself, the pretend-seeker does such a terrible job of it; and is the most transparent thing. You see? It can be seen through so easily. Something wants to make conclusions about what the pen looks like, wants to debate the color of the pen without actually finding it.

It is not of great value to be the best one who is looking for the truth. You do not need to become the best seeker. There is no awards, no medals for that.

And then what happens? Unlike in the pen metaphor, unlike when we’re looking for some object…, for an object, we start looking. Okay, can I find this red color pen? So I go looking over here, looking over there, looking over here, looking…, and the mind is comfortable with this kind of looking. It’s used to this kind of looking; trying to find the best relationship, the best way to make money, the best way to take care of the body. Now it is trying to find the best way to become the best spiritual seeker. But what the mind cannot fathom is: looking for That which is Looking.

How do you look for That which is Looking? Where must it be? Where can I go to find it?

And sometimes this conversation will be easier with children, actually. With little children, it would be easier. Because it must be right here, no? The One who is Looking has been here.

You’re looking for the Self, isn’t it? Self-realization. That means what? That That which has looked is now looking for Itself. That which has looked for other things and now has played the good game of looking for Itself. Where do we go to find This? Where do I go to find the ‘I’? [Laughs] You see? It’s funny.

And then we start fighting about what the ‘I’ looks like. ‘No, no, ‘I’ doesn’t look like this. ‘I’ looks like this. This is the true ‘I’.’ [Laughs] It’s a sham, I tell you; all this, it’s a complete sham.

Q: It’s a shame.

A: Sometimes a shame, yes. Because if you’re just open right now, there is no way that you can miss YourSelf. You exist? Or no? I’m not saying ‘As what’…, don’t start debating. You exist? Or no? Who doesn’t exist? Without putting the sense ‘As something’…, can you honestly, with integrity, say that you don’t exist?

Q: I don’t know. [Inaudible]

A: Yes, but even to say ‘I don’t know’ there must be ‘I’ that doesn’t know. ‘I don’t know’. You didn’t say ‘Robert doesn’t know’. You said ‘I don’t know’. You didn’t say ‘Azhar doesn’t know’. You said ‘I don’t know’. You see? So there’s a sense that I exist, even if I don’t know ‘As what do I exist?’ And it’s very, very basic; very simple.

There is nobody who does not know this. There is nobody who does not know this. And this Knowingness itself, that is aware even of existence, is That which is the Truth of What We Are.

It’s very simple. I know that I exist. I am aware of my Being.

And then what happens? We clarify what the discovery was. We don’t need to actually. We just …, maybe we need to…, it’s good to look at this question. [Chuckles] Suppose we need to? Then we find that this ‘I’ that knows even of existence, it looks like nothing, it looks like no-thing; just the Knowingness Itself. You Know that You Are. And the minute we say ‘I am’ it shows very clearly that ‘I Am’.

I find it very funny when sometimes someone will say ‘Oh, but you’re creating a dichotomy between Awareness and Being, or Awareness and Consciousness’.

But ‘I Am’.

No? ‘I’ itself is ‘Am’. So where is the dichotomy? It’s not somebody else who is ‘Am’. It is the One Self that is ‘Am-ing’. [Laughter] It is the same Self that is ‘Am-ing’. Nobody else. There’s no dichotomy.

So, just because I’m eating an ice cream, does that mean there are two of me now because there is the functioning of eating an ice cream happening? So, this ‘I’ which is the Absolute, the pristine One, is functioning as Being, but still the same ‘I’, no? It’s ‘I Am’.

It’s very simple actually. Just this ‘I’ is all I have ever known. You have not known anyone else except this ‘I’. You say ‘I went to sleep, I woke up, I had a dream’. Even a child talks like this. Therefore the truth we have always Known. The truth of what we are, we’ve always Known in reality. And the truth is Here.

In this realm, you will find that every expression and its complete contrast is available. So just like the voice of intuition (if you want to call it that) is pointing us to that which is always true, just in the same way, the voice that is the opposite of that voice is also available. You see? Is it saying ‘No, no, all of this you don’t believe; because you are a person, everyone considers you to be a person’ …, this voice is also available. And for most of us, and for most of our lives, we’ve given a lot of authority, meaning and belief to this voice which has never, ever brought us this lasting sense of peace, lasting sense of joy; never got us lasting happiness. And I know this because otherwise you would not be here. I would not be here.

So, then why do we still have allegiance to this one? So I say ‘Take this road. Take the right, then take the left’. The voice will come and say ‘Go in the other direction. Take the left, then take the right’. And you say ‘I want to have both the directions’ [Chuckles] and land up in the same place.

When we say ‘The mind is also Consciousness’ what are we saying? Because the mind is nothing but this messaging; nothing but this messaging. So although it is of course made up of Consciousness, it is not speaking the truth.

And the best part is that we don’t need to actually get anywhere at all. There is nowhere to go; nothing to get. You are Here.

We only suffer because we believe our thoughts. We only suffer because we believe our thoughts.

And if I ask you ‘Can you stop being now?’ …, you cannot; and you see that Being is Here.

And when I ask you to check ‘Are you aware now?’…, you are. It is the same One that is aware even of Being.

What does this Awareness look like? That it looks like nothing, makes no sense to the mind. That Awareness looks like nothing, (therefore it can’t look like anything in the first place), that makes no sense to the mind. That’s why for many of us now it wants to paint some fancy picture. You want to make a word visual out of this Awareness which is completely unfathomable.

For the first time ever…, (because traditionally I have not been that attracted to Krishnamurti’s teachings) but for the first time ever, I posted a quoted by him. It was just so beautiful. We get so stuck in the description of this and that, and we start to believe that the directions are That to which they are pointing. Or maybe you start enjoying hearing the directions so much that you start saying ‘Okay, but what if I took this…? Where does it go? Does it take me out of Bangalore? Does it take me…, does it take me to Chennai?’

Instead, can’t we just look for ourselves?

That which Knows of your existence, what can we say about That One? Let’s get straight to the heart of the matter. That which Knows of your existence, what can we say about That One?

Is it somebody apart from You? Are there two of you? Who knows that You exist? You need somebody else to describe for you this ‘I’ that Knows that You exist? Can any description do It justice? Any terms?

Just before satsang started, one in the sangha was saying that ‘Maybe I’m just tired of hearing these terms: Freedom, Consciousness, Awareness’. Okay. We can lose them. We don’t need them actually. Because Truth, you cannot lose.

So actually, I’m not showing you freedom; nobody can show you freedom. I’m showing you that there never was any bondage, except as an idea…, except as an idea believed in.

I had an idea once when I was younger that one day I will be a songwriter for one big rock band or something. It was not true. It was just an idea believed in. And once it’s seen through, it’s dropped.

So if any of us still have the idea that ‘I’m the seeker. I’m the person. I’m separate. I exist as something’ then just like this idea of being a songwriter, this will also be dropped. But if we keep believing more and more ideas about it, then how will it be dropped? If we keep feeding ourself these ideas of personhood, ‘I must drop my personhood’…, do we need an idea to drop it?

It’s just like this. If I kept saying since then, 30 years ago til now, every day, ‘I must not buy the idea of being a songwriter, I must not buy the idea of the songwriter, I must not buy the idea of the songwriter…’ it keeps the songwriter idea alive. ‘I must not be a person, I must not be a person, I must not be a person’ keeps the sense of personhood alive. So let’s use these as chemotherapy to remove this sense of personhood, not as vitamins that we’re taking every day.

[Chuckles] ‘I am NOT a person! I am NOT a person! I find no person when I look. Isn’t that great?’

Sometimes I feel we’ve gotten so jaded with what we’re hearing that the fire is gone from it. [Slow, dejected voice]: ‘I’m not a person, I know I’m not a person. Yeah, but …’ [Stronger voice]: ‘If I am not a person, then what am I? Come on!’ What else do you need?

That’s why I’m starting to realize the value of how in India for many centuries actually this knowledge [was held back for a time]…, until the Guru had this sense that ‘Now you’re ready to hear that you’re not a person’. And when it was told, it used to hit home!

Now because every day, Monday to Friday, we hear ‘I am not a person’ [Chuckles] …, it just feels like ‘Yeah, yeah, I know I’m not a person. What else you got?’ Let’s keep it fresh. ‘But seriously, I am not a person! What am I?’ [Chuckles] ‘What am I?’ …, ‘What’s going on here?’

Because this whole world seems to be designed for people. ‘Everyone is asking my name and my form and what I want; and I have no name and no form and I don’t want anything’. Wow. Come on, you must see the great wonder in this! Everyone and everything says ‘What’s your name? What do you want? Where did you live? Where are your parents from? What do you do for money? What about your relationship status?’ [And you realize]: ‘I have none of those in reality. I have none of those because I am not a person’.

‘What am I?’

Just this much, with having no idea of what I am, is the end of suffering actually.

But what happened with us? ‘Oh, I want to just make sure I’m not the person. I just want to not be the person. I want to not be the person’. In that itself, we keep the ‘person’ alive.

Q: [Short inaudible comment]

A: But what is seen? What does it mean when we say ‘I am not a person’? We see that there is nobody; because all suffering is personal. Can we really say there is impersonal suffering?

Therefore in the Looking Now, you will find that there is no person…, or you’ll claim some money from me. [Ananta has this 3-year ongoing offer (or joke) that ‘If anyone can show me the ‘person’ I’ll give them $1,000]. Don’t go mid-way! Today either you claim some money from me or you see that there is no person.

Q: [Short inaudible comment]

A: You’re claiming money? [Laughs]

Q: [Inaudible]

A: She says ‘How do you define what a person is and what do you mean by personal?’ Very good.

So, ‘I Am’ is not personal. I just Am. Being is just Being. Now, the instant we attach something to the ‘I Am’ it relies on the belief of my separate existence as a person. ‘I am a man, I am a husband, I am spiritual, I am good’…, you see? Because no longer are we referring to ‘I Am’ as Existence, that that which exists is I Am. We’re not saying ‘Existence is good’ when we say ‘I am good’…, we are not saying ‘God is good or Existence is good’. When we say ‘I am a husband’ we’re not saying ‘Existence is a husband’. You see? So that’s why the question then is ‘Who is the husband?’

So anything that we attach (using the power of our belief) to this sense of Existence Itself, which is impersonal, is the play of being a person. The picking up of more ideas about ‘I Am’, the picking up of more lies about ‘I Am’ is falling deeper into the personal conditioning. And the dropping of ideas about ‘I Am’ is the dissolution of conditioning.

Is there a person Being?

Q: [Short inaudible comment]

A: The picking up of ideas about ‘I Am’ is going deeper into personal conditioning, and the dissolution of ideas about ‘I Am’ is the dissolution of conditioning.

So this Being, is it Being personally? Is there anything personal about it? Which means, is it Azhar’s Being or Prabha’s Being? Is there a sense of individuality about it? Does a child, before he gets to use the language, have the sense that this Being that is here belongs to this name and form? Or it is just experienced as this sense of Existence?

It doesn’t matter what your name could be. It doesn’t matter what form there is. It doesn’t matter if this body is 40 years old or 10 years old or 20 years old…, the sense of Existence has been the same. It’s not aging.

Just Being being.

Recognizing the Truth, Still Conditioning Can Play Out

Q: I’m contented, complete, no problem. But the problem is…, Nisargadatta Maharaj. [Laughter in the room] Nisargadatta Maharaj says that he has seen the dissolution of the Universes and the bodies and everything. If he has a cancer in the body, that Consciousness, you know, is not bothered about it. Whatever is happening, whatever experience is happening is all happening in the play of the Consciousness. [Paraphrases Nisargadatta]: ‘I am beyond Consciousness and I don’t care what the Consciousness is doing’. So here the confusion comes.

A: Go with your own experience. As I’ve said, for all kinds of things which are contradictory, we use whatever resonates with you; use it to see the Truth for yourself. You say that ‘In my experience, there is no confusion left. Now the problem is what Maharaj is saying’. How can it be? [Laughter] Maharaj could be talking to anyone, it could just be a different type of question/answer session. He could be just having fun. So leave it.

Q: Okay, okay fine. So, this is answered. Second thing is that, you know, no Guru talks about ‘Once you have awakened to the Truth, you have glimpsed the Truth’…., then what happens afterwards. Nobody talks…, even including you; nobody talks. A little bit actually Maharaj talks but other than that nobody talks. So, nothing is, nothing is. But when I asked Bhagavan Mooji three years back ‘Now what?’…, he said ‘No next’. I said ‘But ‘I’ is still there. Why don’t you cut it?’ He said ‘It will evaporate like a camphor’ [a white substance that burns and leaves no trace behind] Okay. But he said ‘Don’t touch ‘I’ and just be silent’. But after that I started having a lot of panic attacks and my whole attention was on my body/mind, fear and everything. I just could not remain as the Witness. By Grace I am back now on this path.

So the thing is, I have a glimpse. But if you read Advaita and other things then they say that, you know, ‘I am Brahman’ is still a glimpse from the Consciousness, but it is Brahman. Okay. Then ‘I Am’ has to dissolve because the Brahman is not saying ‘I am Brahman’. So this ‘I Am’ has to drop, then only the Brahman remains in the Nirvikalpa Samadhi. And then whatever the God spits out, whatever the residue it spits out for you to remain active in the world. And sometimes it is a compassion…, like for you, it is a compassion to teach. Maybe for Bhagavan Mooji it’s a compassion to teach, some only have to do some Seva. So which-ever is arising which comes out of the Nirvikalpa Samadhi after dissolution, that is the way you live the life. Because the mind doesn’t ever really extinguish totally one hundred percent. Now this experience is not there, this experience is not there. Then once you come back…, like for you…, you having compassion, right? You want to be a teacher. All the people in fact they smell your fragrance, they call you Father and you know this kind of a love, you know the love, the understanding which has to actually convert into the love, as you see everybody as One, not apart from you; this experience is not there. So how will this experience come? That means there is still to be done. I cannot, I cannot just be happy like ‘Okay I have seen the Truth now, I have awakened and that’s it’. No actually, because there is still an urge to… [Inaudible].

A: Okay so I feel to say something about this. I don’t feel actually it is true that we don’t speak about ‘Once the glimpse of the Truth is seen, then what next?’ because especially in the last few

months when you’ve been there, I’ve been sharing this…, that the recognition of the Truth, the seeing of the Truth of what You are, is not necessarily the predominant end of the conditioning.

Full of the dissolution of conditioning, it doesn’t necessarily mean that if the Truth has awakened or the recognition…, or an awakening experience has happened …, it doesn’t necessarily mean it is the end of conditioning.

So what is it that leads to the end of conditioning? For that, we have to understand what is the meaning of conditioning? What is it that leads to the end of conditioning? So where are these conditions? These conditions are just ideas that we’ve attached to the Presence of Being.

Now what happens is as these ideas are being dropped? I’ve been talking about diet. When you’re on a diet you don’t have to specifically say ‘Today I will focus on the food that I ate three days ago; today I will focus on the food I had yesterday’. When you’re dieting, when you’re not picking up new food, then all that has to be burnt from the past will also get burnt on its own.

So as you’re not buying any thoughts about Anil and attaching them to the pure Presence I Am, then all the previous conditioning will also take care of itself. And as this conditioning is dissolving and we are not buying any ideas about ourselves then we will find that this sense of ‘Am-ness’ also seems to become more and more transparent.

I know it seems to be severe when it has a lot of ideas attached to it, but as they’re dropping now…, including the ideas that ‘I haven’t got this, I should get this and then I will be free, this is what this one says, this is what that one says; and then I will give myself the freedom certificate’…, drop all these ideas because they’re just attachments to the pure Presence.

And as you rid yourself from all of these concepts, you will come to this point where you see the ‘I Am-ness’ is very transparent, very light. It’s like this contact lens which you can’t even see and yet you know that it exists. We’re rushing, rushing…, ‘I want this, it’s been so long and I haven’t got this’. Just allow yourself now to not go with that urge to pick up from ‘the conveyor belt’ of thoughts. Just now. And then this diet of conditioning, we will find that it is thinning out. This sense of ‘Am-ness’ just seems like an auxiliary.

From this point on, any amount of trying or trying to mentally understand it or any amount of conceptual frameworks, any amount of Truth-seeking and scriptures and various Masters words; none of that is going to really help. It’s your openness, your nakedness. Don’t try to cover yourself up with any ideas.

[Silence]

For some of us, some fear can come, some anxiety can come about this. Remaining still in this way is very uncomfortable for the mind, you see. It wants to come with a complaint.

Then one day when you just allow this mind to come and go, you will find that your mouth is just being used as the Presence itself. Then you will find that there is a great fragrance of love and peace which emanates from you. Just give up all your trying and efforts. Allow this mind to come and go.

It’s the One Being, One Presence that speaks from here, that is not different in any way. And I look forward to hearing the same words which you share accompanied by the fragrance of love, peace and joy.

[Silence]

[Note: The questionnaire calls both Ananta and Mooji ‘Bhagavan’ in reverence to their lineage, Oneness, with Ramana Maharshi]

Q: Bhagavan, I just have a small query. Like for almost twenty years I’m on anti-anxiety medicines. So they’re keeping a lot of things under the carpet. So the suppressed energies which should come out in the process.., they’re not coming out. As soon as I reduce the medicines, you know, havoc happens. You know it’s almost like a ton of Shiva Tandava. [A vigorous dance described as the source of the cycle of creation, preservation and dissolution] That is what happens, totally uncontrolled energies. So I have this doubt whether I should continue to keep them suppressed with the medicines or I should take a plunge and slowly, slowly, you know, taper off the medicines and let the suppressed energies come out. But it will be hell, it will really be hell. So what should I do?

A: Having some experience of this in my life also I can say that there is no reason to subject yourself to any type of hell. There will come a day, with my Masters Grace, where these anxious thoughts, anxious ideas, anxious energies will be allowed to be released. But there is no rush to play with that now, because here you’re coming to more and more recognition, more and more insights about who You are. So we don’t have to add another factor, in the sense of ‘Okay let me now deal with these suppressed energies’. No, you come to this seeing and this dissolution of as much conditioning as possible and then Grace will unfold in this way also when it is meant to.

So now the feeling is to say that: Don’t necessarily be in a rush to taper off or to feel like ‘I don’t need this’ or whatever. In fact I would say that whatever your wife says you do, you do that, in terms of your medicine.

Q: [Laughs] Okay she says ‘Don’t take [medicine name]’.

A: Sounds like a good idea, yes.

Q: Okay, okay. Thank you, Bhagavan. Thank you so much.

A: Thank you.

This Idea of ‘Me’ Is Just a Myth

We must all digest the fact that, that which we considered ourselves to be for so long was just a myth. Really, before we get into any ideas about the nature of Awareness vs Consciousness, today can we digest this; that all that I considered myself to be, all that I might still consider myself to be is pure myth, the mythical person, mythical ego.

And does a myth need to be killed? Don’t need to kill a myth. Just the idea or the belief in the myth dissolving is the killing of the myth. It is not a physical entity that needs to be destroyed, the ego.

Are we digesting this really, that everything I consider to be true about this one, this person, ‘This is how I am, this is what happened to me, this is the story of my life’…, is all just mythical. Why? Not because the appearances didn’t come. Appearances might have appeared in that way, but what was I believing myself to be? I was believing myself to be a person, a separate entity, who is the experiencer of all these appearances.

Now we are finding that, that experiencer is not personal, it is Consciousness itself. God is playing, because we check and we check and we check and we don’t find this individual entity. It only has a representative. That’s the miracle, you see. The leela is that the non-existent one has a lawyer to represent it. The mind’s voice, convincing you, convincing God, that God is a person.

How to let go of that which is false?

How to let go of that which is false is only to let it come and let it go.

If there was a voice in your head which kept telling you that you are a pink elephant, but when you check you see you are not one, would you still keep saying ‘But my mind is, but the mind is, but the mind is’. You know that it is not representing the Truth. It is representing the voice, it is pretending to be the voice of this pink elephant, which doesn’t exist. Once you see this to be true, then to be rid of the false, because there is no evidence of this pink elephant you see. You check, you check, you check; you don’t find this pink elephant. Only this voice keeps coming and saying ‘I am an elephant and I am pink this is my forest, [Laughs] this is what I want, this is what happened to me, this is the story of my pink life’. [Laughs]. You see? That’s what I mean by our thoughts will go from being our tormentor to being like a comedian in our head. And the example is not ludicrous because the belief in this personal identity is the same as this belief, if we believed ourselves to be pink elephants, the non-existent one. You see? [Smiles].

It’s just simple like this and we feel that when we come into spirituality, what will happen is that the pink elephant will find better pasture, [Laughs] will find a pink partner, will find some happiness, some peace, some joy. But what happens in the company of Truth, (which is the definition of satsang), is that very strongly the push comes to inquire into whether I am this pink elephant. Is it true? And initially some resistance can come. Initially some resistance can come and it can say ‘But I came to find some [inaudible], I came for some happiness, I came for some

juicy sugarcane for the pink elephant…, and now all that you are doing is asking me whether I am really a pink elephant or not’. That’s all that we are really doing. But what happens is that we continue to take on the elephant’s voice and say ‘But now I want to understand Consciousness, I want to understand Awareness as the elephant’. So our mental understanding about even spiritual concepts is as useless, as the elephant searching for sugarcane; the non-existent one. So we must digest today and now the fact that we don’t exist as this entity, as this separate entity. And I repeat:

To let go of the false, all that we need to do is to not believe what the voice of the false is saying. And to see for ourselves what we really are.

Even now whatever thoughts might be coming, who are they representing? What are they referring to you as? Even the thought which says ‘I am God’ is referring to who actually as God? See if there is a sense of separation in that. Because when we say ‘I am God’ we are actually saying ‘Everything is God. Only God is’. But this is not what thoughts are referring to. You see?

So come to terms with this enormous yet most obvious discovery: That which we have referred to ourselves as, for so long, has no existence.

So then, as we let go of ideas of this pink elephant, then there comes a point that the memory of believing yourself to be one, itself seems laughable. All our worries, all our concerns, are just like the concerns of this elephant, saying ‘Where will I find my next sugarcane patch?’

Come to terms with the enormity of this discovery. Don’t shy away from it, even if it seems too vast. Don’t run to a concept, no matter how spiritual or advanced the concept might seem. But the promise of completion of your understanding, [Laughs] the completion of our true understanding is the dropping of our mental understanding. As long as we are looking for the mind to get to concepts of who we are, then know that it is still mental, it is still personal.

Why must That which is prior to the appearance of the mind, why must That need the mind to find out who it is? That which is present prior to all appearances continues to exist with or without the mind. What is That which is prior to all of this?

How can it be…, the wonder is, how can it be that we consider ourselves to be so much this non- existent entity and we miss what we are in this moment, right now? Just because some sensation is there, just because some thought is there, just because some constriction is there, who is aware of that? Are you the constriction? Or that which is aware of it? Are you the thought? Or that which is aware of it? Who are You?

And a very good place to start is ‘I don’t know’. Don’t be in a rush to know. To know mentally is not going to help. So a very good start is to see that I don’t know who I am, but one thing I do know is that there is no person here. Actually this much is enough to come to this ‘I don’t know’. Because then in this space of ‘I don’t know-ness’…, all insights come.

There is no need to rush to get more and more insight. As long as we can see that ‘I am not a person’. What does it mean to see this actually? It is just the seeing that that who has this story has no existence here. And the stories are also the ‘same old, same old’. We talked about the four stories we usually have. All life is just a combination of these four stories. Wanting better relationship, wanting monetary, financial security, wanting healthy body and wanting some lasting happiness, peace and joy, the search for freedom itself. Basically all our lives are just different variations of these four stories playing at different times. So who is it that wants better relationships? Are the atoms and molecules which make up your body, are they interested in any relationships? In the same way who is it that even wants freedom?

There is no need to rush to any answers. Don’t be afraid to admit that ‘I don’t know’. Because in this not knowingness, we are letting go of mental knowledge. We are admitting that the mind actually cannot have a good answer for this. So ‘I don’t know’ is much more useful than a mental answer; which could be Consciousness, Awareness if it is just mental. You see? Because the mental saying that ‘I am Consciousness or I am Awareness’ will not help us if we have a breakup in our relationship, when we lose our money, when the health of the body starts to deteriorate and when we find that this mythical freedom we are not getting.

There is no value to these concepts except if they are used as pointers to point to what we are, to give direction to our looking in a way. That is the only use. But when we start mistaking the milestones and the arrow marks for the destination itself, then that is the spiritual ego.

So look for the person, really look. All of you, really look. Look for the one who wants better relationship, wants freedom, wants financial security, even wants a better body. Who is this one?

And I know you have done this before. Like a stewardess in the airline, I will say that I know you all have heard these announcements before; but I still request you to look again. Look for the person. Look for the one that has likes and dislikes, desires and aversions. Don’t go with any mental conclusion. Continue to look. The mind says ‘There is no person. Yes, yes, you see this’. Then inquire into: Who is speaking and who is looking at this thought also. Is there anything personal there? Is there anything personal there? Where is this person sitting? Is there an entity sitting inside your head?

Because I remember that it was the predominant feeling like this; that there is somebody sitting inside our heads and driving this car called the body…, and I can direct the body, I can move it. How, it has no idea. Not a finger it can move and yet the finger moves. The mind doesn’t know how to move it. Which thought can move something? Just like a sage said: ‘Presuming I am the doer is like presuming that I am doing the digestion of my food’. It is just happening. Right now millions of processes are happening in the body and there are so many.

I have been helping my son with some biology studies that he is doing, and you are amazed at the intricacies of the functioning of this body and the supreme intelligence which runs this body.

The mind doesn’t have a clue. If a germ enters, then the whole body reacts and it sends warriors to meet them, to fight. Who’s doing all of this? Is a thought saying ‘Now you go, this germ has come’ then sending the antibodies or all of these. It’s not. It has no idea. Who’s doing all of this?

Even if we don’t know who is doing all of this or we don’t admit that it’s God, at least we can see who has designed this supreme intelligence? [Silence] The dynamic aspect of You.

The bad news for the person is that in knowing this, that I am God, usually does not help the person in any way. You see? And if there is this personal desire that ‘The discovery that I am God will lead to my life being in a certain way’…, then even that will have to be dissolved in one way or the other. So if the person doesn’t even know, if this voice in our head doesn’t even know how to move a finger, then how can we say it runs our life? ‘What should I do next?’ And how can a bundle of thoughts be experiencing our life also?

Simply Ask: Can You Stop Being?

Q: There has been an experience since Zmar [Silent retreat online with Sri Mooji] of the Presence here; and then the life is out here in front of me. And there is a sense of getting sucked into the life but then observing that and then coming back into Presence. Which has been really nice, very lovely. I am feeling very light. And I noticed that now it is nighttime and I am tired and it is harder to do that. So I wondered if you have words about that.

A: The simple pointer that I have often used is the question: Can you stop Being now? And actually when I ask it is an invitation to try and stop Being.

Q: Yes, I can’t stop Being. I notice that the body is tired and the Being is present

A: Yes, yes. So if Being is present, is it present with some effort?

Q: No, no, the Being is not effort-ing. The Body is effort-ing to staying awake but the Being is present.

A: So it is effortlessly present, this Presence.

Q: Yes, it is just Being here.

A: Exactly. Now is there any other entity or persona or something which is really present, except as an idea?

Q: No, not at all. They are all ideas and I can see them almost like a screen in front of me. Like there is this whole force field in front of me that isn’t me, that is ‘my life’.

A: But this ‘me’ is which one? Is it the Presence or is it a separate entity?

Q: [Laughter, Loud Laughter, Clapping of Hands]

A: We say that ‘This Presence is effortlessly present, Being is effortlessly here. Then we say that there is nobody else present, this one is only here. And then we say that there is a ‘me’…, ‘This is happening to me’. Which ‘me’ is this? [Laughter]

Q: Okay, so the ‘me’ is out there. The ‘me’ isn’t me! The ‘me’ isn’t me! [Laughter] The ‘me’ is not the ‘I Am’. The ‘I Am’ is able to see the ‘me’. [Laughter] It’s all effortless except for that stuff out here that I look at. That I call ‘Lucia’ and it’s called ‘Lucia’s life’ and that I have been holding up for all these years.

A: And the funny thing is that we cannot see this ‘me’ even like we can see a computer or we see a table, yet that gets so much of our belief. We cannot even find it at the molecular level.

Q: But there is an imagination of it. I mean I can see….

A: So what? Even the imagination is not very clear. It’s just like a blur.

Q: No, it’s not.

A: Like we can imagine an orange quite clearly. You are in California so you can imagine an orange quite clearly. Now, this one, as long as we keep putting our ‘I’ over there, and we say that ‘I need to fix something for this ‘me’ (by either doing this or doing that or any practice), then it is bound to fail. Because a practice, (you can call it ‘Staying with the I Am’ or even the sense of not believing our next thought), is not an instruction for this non-existent entity. Because that which does not exist, what could it actually do?

Q: I don’t know. It makes up movies. It has a little movie projector and it’s just making these little videos. It is pressing these little buttons from all these little videos, from maybe in the past or the future. It is a little film director.

A: We get caught up in these movies because this mind is so much of a soap opera queen. It makes a tele-novella out of our life.

Q: Just been going on for years. It’s on re-runs. [Laughter]

A: It’s just these poor re-runs, poor re-runs; partner, money, health of the body and freedom.

Q: Yup, yup, that’s it. When you put it like that earlier I thought ‘You. That’s it, that’s it, there is nothing else’. Maybe family; relationships go with partners. So now I am seeing, (or it is being seen that), [Laughter] the Being is just Being. The body is still tired and you know what? Big deal.

A: Yes. Because like we just said, the body is very intricate when we start to look at it that way. And is running on some supreme intelligence which is way beyond this idea of ‘me’…, way beyond what this ‘me’ can handle or the mind can handle. So it doesn’t help. The thought that the body is tired does not help the body in any way.

Q: No, in fact I think it makes it worse.

A: Yes. If it does something at all, it would make it worse. Because some energy goes into that thought and the belief in that thought.

Q: From this perspective, right this minute, it feels possible to always be here. And to experience being here.

A: You cannot ever leave this actually.

Q: I knew you were going to say that.

A: I have become too predictable. [Chuckles] Because the subtle message which can come from the mind is that ‘Now that you see this, you must just be here’. This is not needed because you cannot leave this actually. At some point that instruction is useful. But at some point we come to the Seeing that ‘I am trying to be that which is already just Being’. I am trying to be that which is already just Being. So all that needs to stop is the ‘trying’. Because Being is just Being.

Q: I noticed that sometime during the silent retreat that when I was ‘trying’ to be the Presence or be aware of Presence or be aware of Consciousness or whatever you want to call it, that my attention…, I would direct my attention back about two inches; so as if I was looking from farther back in my head.

A: Yes, it can seem like that, yes.

Q: And sometime during Zmar I dropped that. And I don’t know how I did it but something shifted and I did not have to move even two inches. So now talking to you, I am just talking to you from somewhere inside of my head.

A: Ha, you are? [Laughter]. From where inside your head? Let’s call a surgeon in and see where you are sitting inside your head.

Q: Actually, you know what? I am not even sitting inside the head, I am somewhere behind the head.

A: But behind the head is the wall.

Q: That’s true behind the head is the wall. [Laughs] Right. I don’t know, I don’t know. I am just here.

A: Okay, let me confuse you some more. You are not in this realm at all. You are not in this realm at all. You are not watching from within this realm.

Q: I am not this realm at all. That’s a relief!

A: Because you don’t exist as a phenomenal entity inside this world. This world exists inside of You. And it is simple, it is simpler that its sounds. Because when we look for ourselves inside this realm we don’t find it. And yet there is a Looking, there is an Awareness…, (from) out of this world.

Q: It is a little like Guruji’s picture [example]. The black and white picture of the two faces looking at each other, and they become the vase, then they become the face then they become the vase. You know that one? When you were talking I had that sense. I had the sense of being in the room and being outside the room; then seeing the room from outside and then being in the room and looking out as if I can see the structure of the room. Like sitting in the house that doesn’t have any walls but just the structure of it.

A: And as we start having these insights, then the sense of inside or outside also starts to dissolve.

Q: Oh goody! It’s like the matrix is dissolving. I had this strong fear today that I was going to die very soon. And I almost felt like I have to hold on to my body and say ‘No, not yet!’

A: I liked what you wrote also, because I found it beautiful. You said that you were reminded then of Bhagavan. He had this feeling that death is coming and he said that ‘If it is going to come I want to see what it is like. What will die? What will remain?’ Very beautiful contemplation.

Q: Yes, and I ended up just crying in this joy. I was sitting on my desk trying to do some work [Laughter], trying to do some work, you know? ‘I really should do this work and get it over with so I don’t have to think about it for 3- 4 days’. And I managed to get it done but I had to really push myself to do it. And I was watching myself push. Because I was also very aware of this beauty and this love and bliss; ahhh. As if ‘Okay, so if I am going to die in 6 hours from right now, everything is just incredible. It’s amazing’. I look around and go ‘Oh my god, this is so beautiful, my apartment is so beautiful and my curtains are beautiful and you are so beautiful and everyone is so beautiful, I am beautiful and it’s all beautiful; my water is beautiful and everything is enough, there is nothing lacking at all’. Thank you.

A: One of the teachers I used to go to earlier said something very beautiful once. He said that ‘Most of us, for most of our lives we live as if we are never going to die and most of us die as if we never lived’. Because when the sense comes that ‘This might be the end of all experiencing’ then the experiencing starts to seem very beautiful. And yet for most, this appearance of humanity, it seems like they are suffering what they are experiencing. Because they are believing themselves to be something that they are not. So it is not that the experience has to change. It is the idea of who the experiencer is that needs to be clarified. So as long as it seems like there is a person here experiencing life, then for the person-idea it can seem very scary because nothing is predictable, anything can happen. For the person, for the idea of an entity, this unpredictability of life is extremely scary. It would like to make itself secure. And yet is knows it never can; death is coming ultimately. But to that which is just witnessing this entire play like a movie, it is this unpredictability that is a joy because you don’t know what is coming next. You don’t even know when it started and when it is going to end. So when the perspective changes, it becomes clear that the experiencer is not an entity. The experiencer is Presence itself. And that which is aware of this Presence itself remains untouched no matter what the experience might be. Then it goes from being a horror movie to just being an adventure fantasy or something like that.

Q: [Laughter] I am realizing that I have this strong attachment to an idea that I can’t die before my mother. As I said, she will be 98 years old in 2 weeks. She is doing great, she is just fine. She writes her own bills, pays her own checks.

A: I know you don’t mean it like what it is sounding like right now. [Laughter]

Q: [Laughter] How is it sounding?

A: You said that [Laughter] ‘Not dying before my mother; she is 98 right now but she is doing quite well.’ [Lots of laughter]

Q: That means I have to be sure to live past her. At this rate she may very well go past a 100 or something. But as soon as she goes, I am free. Then there is something which says ‘I am free, I am free’…, to whatever, I don’t know, move to Bangalore, kill myself, move to Bangalore.

A: Very nice that we can have a sense of humor about these things because it makes this so- called journey very light. Many times we just take ourselves too seriously; and then as we become lighter and lighter then we also have this sense of everything is so funny. We laugh at the movements which are appearing through this body and the words that are coming. Everything seems so entertaining actually. So usually I don’t give any ideas about signs of spiritual progress or something. I feel that, if there was a sign of spiritual progress, then it would be this ability to laugh at life and at what we have considered ourselves to be, and all appearances and especially to laugh at the mind.

Q: It is pretty funny.

A: Yes, so funny. Everything the mind says is actually funny.

Q: Even the horror stuff?

A: Yes, because it is talking about horror for the pink elephant.

Q: Right and it doesn’t exist. That’s the funny thing. There was a beautiful sense today with my client of just being with them and being grounded in the Presence and being thankful for all this drama in front of me. I sat for most of the session saying, inside of me, ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you’. And things were unfolding for people, and I am like ‘Oh my goodness’…, in interesting, really interesting, ways. I thought of you. I thought of one of my very first conversations when I talked about being afraid to let it all go and you were laughing at me being afraid to let God be there with my clients.

A: Because ‘God will make a mess out of it!’

Q: Oh a terrible mess; horrible, just horrible. [Laughter]

A: ‘Because God is not a psychotherapist. [Laughter] He is just going to…, [Laughter] I need to get Lucia into this. God can’t do this!’

Q: Right. Oh boy!

A: And I remember the next day, for the first time in your long career you were late. And God did make a mess out of it. [Laughter]

Q: Oh, my God. Yes, and God did make a mess about it. Which actually turned out fine. I am still seeing that person and she is getting better and all that stuff. And actually in the middle of Zmar, I had to see clients. I had not planned to do the silent retreat at all. It was totally spontaneous, totally just like ‘Ah I am doing it’. So on Monday I had clients and one client just attacked me in such a way that no one has ever attacked me as a therapist. It was one of the worst things, you know? Not physical but, you know, honing into question all my skills. And so the therapist identity was really attacked. And I am laughing at it today. ‘Oh, my God, there it is again. What is it about this psychotherapist identity?’ And I suddenly had this memory of this really dramatic event that happened right after I got my degree back in 1985 where I was like ‘Oh now I am this therapist, I am this Guru. And my girlfriend at that time saying that ‘Now you are a Guru’. And we ended up having this terrible relationship and we had to split up and there was physical violence between us and oh, my god, it was horrible. It was such a contrast. And all that came up in the Satsang energy of Zmar; and something just got healed around it. And now I am just saying thank you to that person.

A: Very good, very good.

Q: So I am thinking that I don’t know what is going to happen to that psychotherapist identity, because it is certainly getting thrown by the way side. [Laughter]

A: As you know we have a few psychotherapists [in the sangha]. And the challenge that mostly they are having is that when a client is sharing some problem, some story, they are finding they are unable to give much importance to the stories. And something there wants to jump into the inquiry but they know that there is not that openness yet in the clients mostly, that come in the traditional ways to look at this question. It is like a bit of work for them to pretend to be involved in the story and you know empathize with the story. This is one of the common reports that I get from the psychotherapists in Satsang. Because they have an inclination to say ‘Why don’t you just look at who you are? You don’t exist in that way’.

Q: Yes, you can’t say that to people. They have to be in a certain place, there has to be certain maturity before you can ask the question ‘Who Am I’?

A: Yes, some openness has to be there to this.

Inquiry Conversation ‘Who Am I?’

The inquiry ‘Who am I?’ is so beautiful. It takes away all the clutter. And it’s so simple actually. Simplest prescription for delusion. Why does the mind resist it so much? Why does the mind want to be done with it? The mind says ‘It should be done’ but actually this inquiry ‘Who am I?’ reveals so much. There’s no end to it. We want to come to some conclusion, that’s the problem. The question; then the mind says ‘When will it be finished for me?’ Never. [Laughter].

It’s not about finishing. There’s no perfection in this realm. In fact the imperfection is the perfection. There’s no perfection in any action, any expression, any words, (least of all words actually). [Laughter] And if we engage ourselves in finding imperfection, then we can go on for a million lifetimes, and we’ll keep finding them. But ‘Who am I?’…

So this question ‘Who am I?’…, in its sheer simplicity, in its sheer potency, is very difficult for the mind. And the voice of separation, this voice of individual existence, plays in the way that it does everything possible to resist this looking. Because the question ‘Who am I?’ is not a thinking process. If you can’t find your shoes, you will look for them. Just thinking about it might give you some pointers to it, but will not help you find them. In the same way, we ask ‘Who am I?’ Because in the pretending to be something individual, we seem to have lost the real ‘I’…, that which is impossible to do, which is to lose yourself, yet this is the game of the seeker.

If you speak to a child, and you tell this child in satsang: ‘So what do you do?’ [Laughter] ‘We look for the ‘I’. It’s the funniest thing, isn’t it? ‘What!?’ [Laughter] ‘I look for the ‘I’? [Laughter] That which looks itself is the ‘I’. I look for ‘I’. So who is the ‘I’ that looks? You are aware that you exist. You are aware that there is the appearance of this world, there is the appearance of the body, there is the appearance of thoughts, emotions, sensations. And there is also the awareness of your own existence. Stay here, don’t get sidetracked from this point. You know that you exist. That which knows of existence, what can we say about that one? That you exist is not secondhand information for you. This is the most apparent, most obvious thing, to know.

Who is this? Who am I?

Most of us now can say that we know that the person does not exist. Say ‘I know that there is no person’ and that itself is clear that this ‘I’ cannot be a person. And then we say ‘I know that I exist, but not personally’. The sense of existence, the sense ‘I Am’ is also known. By who or what is it known? This Knowingness, this Awareness: is it at some distance from you?

The mind says that ‘The one which is dancing on the screen, the one that is dancing on the screen, should now become Awareness. That is when I will tell you that you are free’. The mind says like that. That this one that is appearing should now merge into Awareness or some fancy idea like that, you see. It’s not about that. It’s not about the body-mind which is appearing, because you are not a localized entity encapsulated within the body-mind somewhere that you can’t even find. Therefore you cannot be here, you see. When I say ‘here’, I mean ‘here’ spatially.

You cannot be enclosed in this realm of space. But the mind only knows this realm of time and space, and therefore it is frustrated as a seeker.

Q: Very, very frustrated.

A: [Laughter] She says ‘Very, very frustrated’. [Laughter] Is the frustration of the mind, a bad thing or a good thing? [Laughter]

Q: To the mind, it’s a very bad thing, but…

A: To the mind its own frustration is very bad obviously. But?

Q: But it’s just grace. I can’t just touch the mind. It’s just…

A: Because what does the mind want? The mind says that ‘One day I woke up and I mediated so hard, that I saw the Self’. Like this. [Gesturing to hand as an object] ‘This was the Self, I saw it as an object’. You see, it wants it like that. It cannot be like that. Because if it were, if something was to appear like that, then the question would still remain: Who is it appearing to? You see? So it cannot be an appearance, because you cannot be an appearance. Something deeper than the mind already knows this. Because when I say this, that you cannot be an appearance, it seems so obvious. Or maybe it hurts the ego too much. ‘Yes, yes, how can I be an appearance?’ [Laughter]

Aparna said in the meanwhile, “Just a horrible day as a person.” As a person, then everything is horrible, usually. Relatively [Laughter]. Then if the person itself is just imagined, then the horrible day for the person is also imagined. Because right now, everything is just what it is.

So the seeker identity takes on these ideas that ‘I must keep my attention only with the Presence’.

Q: Father, because it’s like if right now, if it goes to the mind, then it feels just, too much. And

when then attention is brought back…

A: What is too much? Let’s examine all the concepts that we believe…

Q: It just goes ‘Zzgh-zzgh-zzgh-zzgh’.

A: The mind is too much…

Q: It’s too much. And it’s too…, and everything is so restless, and…

A: If you’re trying to cross the street, then he amount of traffic on the street makes a lot of difference. But if you are not trying to cross or to move anywhere, if you are just watching the traffic on the street, then does it matter whether it is a lot of activity in the mind or not.

Q: But it feels like I become the traffic and then it feels like…, I know I can’t … [Laughs] Yeah,

so it feels better when the attention is on the Being…, and then when the distance…

A: And so if I was to say ‘Don’t even be concerned about how it feels’ then how does that feel?

Q: It’s very fearful, Father and it’s like as soon I touch the person, everything is very fearful. It’s not even like a normal personhood anymore. It’s become, like I was just telling Samik, normally if you are attached to your person, you are just normal; like you know normal work day. But here now just it’s impossible. It gets almost like a fear of death, like I can’t live like this anymore. And it comes to that point where like ‘Oh my God, hope I don’t do anything wrong’. So I can’t be there in that fear.

A: Okay, now this voice…, you give it to me for a while. This voice you give it to me for a while. Now, speak as your Presence.

Q: [Laughs]

A: What is happening to You? Speak as the Presence. What is happening to You?

Q: Nothing. That’s why it’s nice to be here, Father. Because when the mind’s like that, to be here is so joyful. Even if, (it’s just okay when), the mind is screaming then. So the fear is like when the attention goes to the mind, it’s just completely engaged with the mind because of fear. Here it’s all fear ridden. Because I know where the mind is taking me. It’s not going to be like…, even like before you said ‘Even if you were a person and you were at my feet, would you be happy?’ It’s impossible to be a person anymore because this mind will not let me stay there and it’s grace because I can’t be a normal person. [Laughs] Having tasted the light there is no way I can be there. No way. And I can see like as soon as I wake up, this fear emerges; like so, so much fear, and the story starts and then takes a while to just come back into the Presence. Like it even says that ‘I want to leave everything and go live in Sahaja with Guruji, because I cannot…, I have to get back’ because of the identity that feels it was there, somewhere. And then I can see it and this energy comes back to the Presence. Even when I see it’s all noise, it’s so much better, Father.

A: Okay, this I that is reporting is which one? Because the theme of our satsang today was ‘Who am I?’

Q: The same one. So the one that wants the attention back into the Being is not the Being itself?

A: Not in this way.

Q: Not in this way?

A: Everything moves only through the will of Being. Because if God wanted attention to be somewhere, you are saying that it wouldn’t be? So God is not wanting.

Q: Something wants to know what to do, Father, because as soon as the attention goes, it’s very like…, so the story goes like when I wake up, it’s like randomly in the mind somewhere; the attention. And then it starts. It’s like all the attention is on the mind random; like, I have to do this or …

A: You know that all of this play of personhood is just a pretense.

Q: Yeah.

A: Why are you taking it so seriously?

Q: It’s very fearful.

A: Fearful is what? Like the presence of fear, what does it do to You? If you keep fearing the fear, then it will keep playing the fear part. Can it not be that if there is fear, there is fear? If there is joy there is joy. Why must something want to change?

Q: Somehow I can’t accept this, Father. That’s why it’s playing again and again.

A: Because you feel like ‘I must do something so that this fearful state doesn’t come’.

Q: The biggest fear is, the one that says ‘I can’t live like this anymore’. And the fear of doing something to myself. This is the fear. And after one of the sangha members said, like she was suicidal, that fear came up like ‘Oh my God’…, that for me, from that day on it comes, it comes like if I touch the person, it gets into the grief ridden, fearful like I can’t live in my person anymore. This is what it says and then …

A: Okay, so start now.

Q: Start where?

A: Start not living in the person. How will you do it? Don’t even play with your attention. Freedom doesn’t mean a mastery over our attention. Because if it was just about keeping attention on the third eye or something like this, you see, it is a very constricted state also. If it happens naturally it is fine. But if it just became that ‘I am so free that I have to just keep my attention on the tip of my nose’…, that can’t be freedom isn’t it. Just because attention is moving, what is happening? Let it move now.

Q: It’s not moving now. [Laughs]

A: It’s moving, no? It came to the face, it went internally; it’s moving still. Let your attention move about. Accept whatever is coming, don’t label anything. Even if labels are coming let them also come and go. [Silence] Say…

Q: [Inaudible]

A: Give the giver also.

Q: I don’t even have control over the attention because that was giving some solace.

A: [Laughs] I am the destroyer of all solace.

Q: Something is not liking it because …, yeah.

A: You see, because if it is not natural then it moves about; and you are trying to control it. And it becomes this Mahabharata of trying to control your attention or not. Better to drop it. For some, it can seem natural. You see, it wasn’t here naturally.

Q: It becomes natural; like from experience it becomes natural when you let it go and somehow here it is not playing this way.

A: Let it go now. Let your attention go wherever it wants. Then? Attention is actually God’s way of tasting this world, including the realm of contrasts available in this world are tasted only through our attention.

Q: That’s getting into the thoughts all the time then.

A: Yes, so it is tasting thoughts; like that. Then? Let all thoughts come also. Then? The thoughts itself comes and says ‘Oh, but it’s getting stuck in thoughts’. Something is not liking all this.

Q: There’s this identity that fails to understand what’s going on here and I really don’t care.

A: But it’s really very simple, no? You left your attention. Now what is left? Attention is going to thoughts, okay. So, then what happens? Thoughts are saying something like ‘Attention should not go to thoughts’. That itself a thought is saying this. So, then? If you are no longer believing what a thought is trying to convince us about who we are, then nothing else really matters. If you are no longer believing what the thoughts are trying to convince us about who we are, that’s all there is.

Q: But there is a sense that belief goes.

A: Yeah, so this is the main point, you see. Yeah, the belief goes to what? That I am a person still.

Q: I need to look at this father because I don’t even know if I am just…, like if there is a fear that belief is going, and all this is going on because of that or …

A: Okay, let’s start very simple.

Q: It’s not possible that I believe myself to be a person at all and…

A: Exactly, that’s what I am trying to tell you.

Q: But it’s very muddled up in the mind …

A: The mind is muddled up. Who does that matter to?

Q: Over-muddled up right now.

A: Okay, the mind is muddled up. Who does that matter to?

Q: The mind.

A: And who are You? I want to hear it today. Now, who are You?

Q: This energetic sense.

A: Energetic sense is here. Is it always here?

Q: Sometimes strong, sometimes not strong at all, but it’s here. I am always here.

A: Who knows that ‘I woke up? I went to sleep’? Is it not you?

Q: Yeah.

A: That is why we call this ‘I Am-ness’, this Presence the primal or the primordial appearance; the primordial vibration. But You are that which is prior even to this. And it is this Knowingness Itself which is now existing. You see? Because this can be very confusing to the mind, and I have realized that some in the sangha have started to get confused with this. But actually it is as simple as this. Okay, what do you see? So, it’s a hand. So this is a hand, and now what do you see? Do you see a finger but is it not still the hand? You see? So because the appearance of Consciousness is there, did the hand become two? You see? So it’s one hand; and hand itself with the birth of the Being…, like this. It seems like there is a dichotomy or something like this, but it is still the hand. It is the same ‘I’ which is ‘Am-ing’. Same hand no? One hand. Like this or like this. The appearance can appear of these fingers. And when I did like this, immediately it came ‘Oh, finger’. Was hand is now finger? It is actually still hand.

It needs lot of innocence to just stay with this because when you try to understand it, it’s all confusing. It’s still a hand, no? Whether a finger or not appears, it is still a hand but with the appearance of the finger; and the flow of life is like this nail which is growing on the finger. Then the nail itself starts saying sometimes that ‘Oh, there is no finger’ while it still continues to consider itself to be the nail. I know it’s digressing a bit from where you started, but the point is that many times, when we say that there is no Being or Consciousness or Presence, it is just the individual identity of the nail now saying that ‘There is no finger. It’s only the hand’. Okay, forget it. [Laughs]

Who are you now? You see? Identity itself comes and says ‘When I touch the identity I feel so terrible. I don’t want to be stuck there’. This is which one?

Q: This is the painful one, Father.

A: This one…, this one. [Laughs]

Q: Now that you have taking the attention thing away, I am going to… [Inaudible]

A: So ‘What do I do, what do I do?’ is about which ‘I’? It’s too free actually. Not having to control our attention is too open and too free and there is an urge to go to some thought about it.

Q: Sometimes when I just let go of the attention, there is an extreme sense of fear, like very wobbly. Like I was in a store the other day and [inaudible] and then just come back to Presence. Something was just like very wobbly.

A: Guruji used to do…, no, let’s do that.

Q: There is no sense of Presence sometimes, Father and then something starts to feel very wobbly. It feels like if the sense of Presence is not here. Then for sure there is personhood going on, like some nonsense.

A: Okay, let’s do like Guruji used to do. You know, once he said ‘I am just going to say 3, 2, 1, drop it! And you let go of all sense of control’. Just one thing you have to do is don’t go and hide behind any concept. Don’t believe a concept. Okay, so all of us, no matter what fear comes, what wobbly-ness comes, let it all come. Let’s see what happens, whether our head really explodes. So 3, 2, 1, drop it! [Laughs].

Now come what may, don’t pick up a concept. Let all concepts come and go.

[Silence] Now what happened?

Say it, say it, it’s good. At least you will say it, and others who are feeling it will say ‘Thank God she asked that thing’. Because I just presume it is just so simple. [Laughs]. You say what happened. Thought came, or some sensation came or what happened?

Q: I have no idea.

A: And it’s a bad thing?

Q: I have no idea really.

A: Yes, get used to this ‘I have no idea’. Don’t worry about it. This having no idea, this not knowing, is the mental not-knowing. Don’t rush to a knowing; don’t rush to any interpretation. Remain without a mental knowing of everything…, and see if life stops. Resist the urge to know something mentally…, and see if existence stops. The urge to label things; don’t call anything fear, don’t call anything joy, bliss.

Q: Love you, Father.

A: Love you too, my dear.

The Great Knowingness Cannot Be Known

If there is a gift I could give you, it is the gift to forget about all that you know. Just forget it. It is not the truth. Whatever it is that we know is not the Knowingness. That’s what’s funny, isn’t it? Because the Knowingness is the Great Un-Know-able. That which is the Knowingness Itself cannot be known. True Knowingness cannot be mentally understood.

So at best, whatever is spoken in satsang, whatever anyone has said, at best, they are pointers; they are thorns used to remove other thorns and then to be thrown away. There is no ultimate truth in that way. Even to say ‘I Am That’ is not the ultimate truth. And whatever we know is adding to the calories of the ego; whatever we know. The good news is that all we have to do is not pick up new ones.

So Garmina went to the US and she got me this ‘fitness tracker’. It keeps track of all the calories burned and if you enter the food consumed, also then you know that at the end of the day you burned more. So like this, I say that you don’t have to go and have an operation (although satsang is like an operation), the recognition of the truth in this instant is like an operation which removes prior conditioning; is like an operation of the Master that removes prior conditioning. And prior conditioning is what? That I have attached a condition to ‘I Am’…, ‘I am something’. Conditioning is as simple as that.

So as long as this conditioning is there, that ‘I am something’ then we must make all effort not to pick up any new idea. (I know this will sound very non-Advaita to many of you). No new calories for the ego. ‘Oh, but this is too difficult for me. It never works. It sounds like a teaching. It sounds like an instruction.’ All these are also ideas. Because in this moment, your diet is done. You have a perfect balance between burning and consuming, in this moment. Are you going to pick up that desert coming on the tray now? And are you going to pick up that which says ‘No, no, I must not pick it up’. It’s not even that, you see. You don’t want the diet-er identity. To get rid of all the calorific content of the ego would not mean that I become the diet-er. It only means that I become Nothing.

Even this much to say, although it seemed like it would be such a simple explanation actually, makes it seem a bit confusing.

So, what am I really saying? I’m saying that the next thought will come. It will come. The next thought will come. It will come and it will dance in front of you, and in the dance it will sell you something. It will tempt you with some idea. Don’t buy. And if you buy, what to do? Nothing. The next thought will come. It will dance in front of you. It will try to sell you an idea. Don’t buy. In that moment is the dropping of the presumption that ‘I am something’. Including the idea that ‘I am buying’ must not be bought.

No spiritual idea. Very quickly the seeker or the ego will try to find refuge in something spiritual, saying ‘Yes, yes, all this is getting cut off, but he will not mind if I go to a scripture and

start consuming that’. But there comes a point when you have to say ‘Not even that’. You are your own scripture now. Your own insights from the Presence, uncontaminated by the mind, are as scriptural as the greatest scripture. You don’t need anything. So at best, the use of these concepts are to allow us to uproot and release all other concepts.

Talking this diet metaphor even further, I heard that there are some foods that you can eat which not only have no calories or very few calories for themselves, but also when they’re being digested they help the body in burning a lot of calories. So, that is satsang.

If you’re not making a spiritual framework out of them, not making spiritual concepts out of the words in satsang, and you allow them to be here on their own, just like they’re being spoken on their own, then it will not add to any sort of conditioning.

Possibly the worst thing that could happen is that satsang could be shared and then the mind is interpreting everything, everything. And then, what we remember from what was being shared, what is assimilated from what is being shared are these mental interpretations; our idea about what was being shared. And if you remove this interpreter, then I feel like satsang is just so clear actually. Just so clear.

Because what are we pointing? Don’t believe your next thought. Does it need any addition, subtraction, interpretation? Nothing. Can you stop being now? Simple. It doesn’t need any interpretation, not even a report card that ‘this happened’. Are you aware now? These are just the pointers which need no additional content to make it clearer or something.

The additional content that is shared in satsang actually is just to get rid of any ideas we have picked up about these very simple pointings.

When I ask you ‘Are you aware now?’ …, you Know it is ‘Yes’. I don’t even care what your mouth is saying actually [chuckles] because I know you Know it is ‘Yes’. It is ‘Yes’. That’s it. You had the darshan of yourSelf. The Self has had the darshan of the Self.

And the mind wants to come and gate-crash into the party later, saying ‘Nothing happened. But nothing happened. What do I see? Is this freedom? Can I keep this? I must forever be like this’. All this is just the mind wanting to gate-crash the party because it’s feeling left out.

Are you aware now? You see nothing to confirm this, that you are aware. You did not see Awareness as an object. And yet you know you are aware. You say ‘I am aware OF something’ but it doesn’t matter what the ‘OF’ is. But what are You? ‘Aware of’…., seems like such a simple phrase. ‘Aware of’…, but what is this ‘aware’? You cannot understand it. You’ll never be able to understand mentally what is this ‘aware’. To say ‘I am aware of it; I am aware of the world.’ … ‘I am aware of my Presence’ also’ some of you can say. What are You? You are Aware. The ‘of’ is not relevant, because the ‘of’ is changing. But what are You?

Are you an entity that is aware? Who is that entity that is aware of sleep, of waking, of dream? Bodies are changing, worlds are changing, happenings, events are changing. There is something, then there is nothing. All this is moving about. Is there an entity that is aware of them? Who are you in your deep sleep state? In sleep state, is it your experience that you are an entity that is sleeping? It is our experience that there is nothing; no-thing is there. Who is it that Knows the difference between sleep and waking…, that is aware ‘of’…?

Therefore when you check ‘Am I aware?’ you say ‘Yes, I am aware’. This ‘I’ which is aware, is it separate from the Awareness itself? No, there are no ‘two’. There is just ‘I’. No attributes, no color, not empty or full; no description, no label.

‘What am I aware OF?’…, then the play of ‘OF’ starts. Then the play of ‘OF’ starts. I’m aware of my own existence. I exist. I Am. But did the ‘I’ change? It became ‘I exist’ but the ‘I’ did not change.

That for which there was even the distinction between existing and not-existing, that ‘I’ did not change; only the sense of existing seems to appear. And within this sense of existence, of being, this whole phenomenal existence seems to arise. There is nothing outside of this existence; nothing phenomenal outside of this existence. That You are.

And none of this so far has given any opportunity for delusion. You see, the appearance of the world is still not the opportunity for delusion, that which we call ‘the mind’. There is no separation, no ‘two’, no sense of ‘me’ or ‘mine’ and ‘other’ and ‘theirs’…, without the appearance of this energy that we call ‘the mind’.

Just I Am. Just I Am. Everything can appear, like for a baby, a child before they’re 2-1/2 years old, everything can appear. Pain can appear, external images can appear, fear can appear, but the sense of ‘me’ and ‘other’ does not exist. The sense of separation does not yet exist. And this is true right now. Right now, there is no sense of ‘me’ and ‘another’. Anything can appear. Images can come outside, seemingly-outside, or images can come seemingly-inside as imagination; emotion, sensation, everything can appear. Is there some distinction, unless you label it, unless you have a thought about it, unless you call the body ‘body’ and the space ‘space’? Is there a distinction between body and space?

It’s just part of one appearance, isn’t it? One existence which is shining with the light of My Presence. And You Are / It is. When this sense of existence, I Am, is not there, nothing exists…, or more accurately, no-thing exists.

What Does The Mind Really Want?

The question is ‘What does the mind really want?’

So I will say what very often I hear, which is that ‘The mind is also Consciousness. The mind…, because everything is Consciousness, the mind is also Consciousness’. What is the purpose of it? It is designed by Consciousness; we can say like this. All of it is much more primal than any description; but we can say that the mind is the tool that Consciousness invented for itself, the game that it invented for itself, which allowed it to believe itself to be a person.

Without this device, this energy construct, it would never be possible for God to operate personally. So it wanted to play this game of person/person. So just like if I want to play a game of Doctor/Doctor with my daughter then it’s good that we have some of these plastic stethoscopes and you know devices that give more belief to the construct.

So, this realm is for God to experience Herself or Himself personally. It makes do with this device which interprets everything in a personal way so that God can then play in a personal way. Without this, it is not possible. Any appearance can come even the most horrendous or the most sublime, but they’re not taken personally unless this energy, this energy construct called ‘the mind’ was there.

Q: [Inaudible]

A: Of course. Only It wants to play. Who else is there?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: It is not really, but as part of the play it has made scenes where it play-acting where it is really like down and out. So like this, it is all part of the play. Either great bliss or in great sorrow; all part of the same play that it is writing for itself, part of the script. Including the play of delusion and freedom from delusion, all of this; satsang, not believing thoughts, recognizing what we Are is all part of One play, the same play, your play.

Q: [Inaudible]

A: Yes. It can express this, but even in satsang, no two expressions of Consciousness will exhibit exactly the same journey, isn’t it? Why? Because in the play, even in life, redundancy is very boring. If all this is one big Leela, then why? Why have redundancy? It has already been experienced in one form in that way so why must it be experienced this way? So like a fingerprint, you see? Every expression is unique. Isn’t that amazing? Every face is unique, every fingerprint is unique. Why? Because In the tasting of this play God apparently doesn’t want a redundancy because it’s boring. So every expression, everyone in satsang, all of you are so different. Listening to the same thing, your interpretations could be different, your questions

could be different. But in reality you are the same, you are One. In fact at that point you cannot say ‘You and I’ anyway, there is only One. So all this play of ups and downs, all of that actually…, what difference does it make to Being? Being is just Being, isn’t it? What difference does it make to that which is aware even of Being?

Nothing. Awareness remains untouched irrespective of the content of the play. You see? Awareness never has a bad mood or a blissful state. It’s just the unconcerned Witnessing. Even ‘unconcerned’ is a term we have to use actually because it means like it’s aloof or something. Not even that. Uninvolved. But that’s just terminology we have to use to describe it. It is neither concerned nor unconcerned.

Now, right now, You are…, just watching all of this. That which is watching is untouched.

Whose Free Will Is It?

Q: Earlier you asked that ‘How is it that the mind…, content of mind, can contribute…, can have any contribution to the immediate reaction’? So like one thing I can think of is …,

A: Yes.

Q: The determination, future ambition and these kind of things comes like…, it appears to come from the mind and it influences a lot the movement of the body. For example, if you have very strong energies and these kind of things, then the actions are very dynamic, and a lot of movement. And when the content of the mind is very relaxed and peaceful then there’s not…, like she was saying that she’s just sitting on the couch all day and only the Awareness sees the movement. What needs to happens, happens. So in this way the mind has influence on the…,

A: It’s not actually like that. I’ll tell you what you said actually reminded me of a story. Many years ago I used to run this foundation called the Kushal Foundation where we would provide underprivileged children in the slums of Bangalore with health care services. And then one day I went to the clinic and over there these volunteers showed me some booklets. We used to maintain health booklets for all the kids.

They said ‘Today Bill Gates came. Bill Gates came’. I said ‘Bill Gates came?’ Because I knew that he ran the foundation. So I said ‘Oh Bill Gates came’. You know? And then I realized that they were talking about this kid whose name was Bill Gates. And I said ‘Is this a joke? Were they just fooling around and filling this?’ They said ‘It is because the father asked ‘So who is the richest man in the world?’ and somebody told him ‘Bill Gates’. He said ‘My child is going to be the richest man in the world’. And that’s why his name is Bill Gates.

Then like this, I started noticing that in the urban slums, it’s a pattern like this; that there are kids who are called George Bush, Bill Gates. [Laughter] Yes! They have health records and I’ve met the parents. There are kids who are called these names because ‘My child should be the most powerful one’. So who’s the most powerful, maybe at that time, maybe it was George Bush. Who’s the richest one? Bill Gates, you see.

So with that, with this conditioning, with this ambition, with this; it would translate into a lot of fire and energy in this, you see? But you could be called Bill gates, you could have all the Bill Gates thoughts, but you could still be sitting on your couch. If it was just about these thoughts then everyone has very fancy thoughts. [Laughter] He says ‘From tomorrow onward I’m just going to crack it’. [Laughter] And yet it doesn’t move. Why? Just because a cloud is shaped as if it is the Indra (the God of Thunder), it doesn’t mean it’s going to necessarily rain like that. But there are times where a cloud could be shaped like that and it rains like that, and the mind comes and says ‘See? Because you had these thoughts you were able to do it’. And many times you also must have noticed that without any ambition/thought/goal, you were very productive at work. You have done all your work faster than if you were full of saying ‘Yes today I’m going to just

finish it so fast so I can finish everything and I can go to satsang in the evening’. And it just doesn’t seem to move.

The most simple program has a bug which is not being spotted at all. So this is the same. Yoga Vasista’s example; the bird comes and lands on the branch of the coconut tree, and the coconut falls. The mind says ‘Because the bird came and landed’. If it was all about the content of our ambition, the content of our thoughts and our beliefs, then everybody would be super rich; nobody wants to not be.

Q: It’s just like the thought of over ambition or achievement, inspiration, comes in the form of thought. And then if the belief happens for that thought, then it brings the movement. For example: ‘Forget satsang, now let’s make some money’. [Laughter] So, like, if you believe that thought, then of course there will be some changes in the…

A: It can seem like that. That’s why I’m saying it’s a ‘seeming’. But many have believed these thoughts and still show up in satsang the next day. And many have not, so in this.., there’s a book called ‘Fooled By Random-ness’. Even mathematically, the play of this world is very statistically accurate. To a random set of same, say, golf balls you have this mathematical studies on these things, right? So if you take seven billion golf balls one will land up over here, one will go over there, one will go here, just mathematically. You see? And the book ‘Fooled By Randomness’ is about this, how we take just what is aligned completely with statistical probability and we assign very good stories to that, and say ‘It is because of this kind of vision or this kind of strategy’…, or this kind of’ whatever.

It is very aligned with what you were saying about choice-less-ness or non-doership, because this whole world is working with some mathematical probability. And the mind comes and says ‘Because you said this, because you did this, that’s why’. It’s very quick to assign these kinds of stories. There are many biases that come also because of this; for example things like success bias. If you read the papers, you only read about successes til last year. This year, you hear about a lot of people years of …, [Inaudible] …, that ambition. Every start up entrepreneur, (I know we’re going a little away from satsang but), every start up entrepreneur that I have met had a lot of fire, a lot of ambition, but it doesn’t always translate into action, doesn’t always translate into success.

Q: For example let’s say suppose it’s just like this; like a thousand people come to satsang it doesn’t mean like a thousand people will get realization of the Truth in the same way like a thousand people were working for their successes. It doesn’t mean that a thousand people would achieve their success….,

A: Why not? If it was about that ambition, them thinking they should be, no?

Q: No success has a contribution of these things but there are a lot of other factors.

A: Like?

Q: Luck.

A: Luck is what?

Q: Gods Will.

A: [Laughter] Okay. You see, so what you’re saying is that God plays a part, a part as well. Now this You, you cannot find. Isn’t it that the route of, say, luck or God’s will? It plays a part but it cannot be without you playing a part?

Now this You is who? Like we were saying that day, how do you move your hand? Like, in this moment, I don’t know which hand is also going to move. ‘Okay, I’m going to move the right hand’ and the right hand seems to move. [Silence] How did I…, how was it done? How was that decision actually moving the hand? Do we know how to do it?

Q: So, like, you mean to say there is no difference at all between voluntary and involuntary actions?

A: Yes because [Chuckles] whose? Who is volunteering for the action or not? [Silence]

And who knew my right hand will move actually. Could it just been as a joke my left hand could move. God joke. [Laughter] You see? So, just like the thought came to move the hand, the same way the action came, (the movement of the hand), I did not create that thought…, because I do not know which thought is going to come next. Why did I say ‘Move the hand and not move the leg?’ I don’t know.

We do not know the next thought. Post facto the thought comes and says ‘See? We decided to move the hand, and it moved’. If it is thought-based, then thought is controlled by who? Who is creating your next thought? When you say ‘It is just an appearance from nothing; it goes back into nothing’.

Q: Can I say it is also like the breath, which if you let go, it has a natural reciprocation?

A: Yes.

Q: But there it is also Freedom to direct in a certain way, for example the Pranayam, the different kind of Yogis…,

A: Yes.

Q: So in the same way there are thoughts…

A: How do you control the breath flow? How do you move those nerves?

Q: Like we used to do, for instance, in Kriya.

A: Yes, I know, but ‘How did I do it?’

Q: How?

A: You see it’s an illusory idea that because the thought comes that ‘Okay, now I’m going to control my breath’ therefore this ‘I’ (who we cannot even find) then finds a way to constrict the breathing. Who is actually playing like this? [Silence]

The thought ‘We decided that this is going to be’. The thought came to you ‘What about breath?’ What did you do to create that thought? What are the ingredients you used to create the thought? Did you collect some energy from somewhere and put it together; as a thought it came? Who is this one who did that? Thought arose ‘What about breath?’ You see? And the action arose. Both are just arising within this play of Consciousness. Who is the thought speaking to? Who are these two?

Q: But can’t I say it in this way that; just like in this space of ‘I Am’? Like this, the [Inaudible]

A: Yes.

Q: The body exists in the same way, and this body’s like a phenomenal tool to experience this realm. In the same way I exist and..,

A: I exist as what? (I slipped that in very subtly). The body exists, okay, in this realm. Then…

Q: So I exist as that which knows the body.

A: Okay, that which knows the body. Okay, very good, yes. Now?

Q: Or if I could give it some attribute, then I would say that this space…, like ‘I Am’ in which the body is appearing.

A: You exist as ‘I Am’. Is that what you…? [Chuckles] I’m just clarifying what you say. [Laughter] He’s looking very disappointed in my response.

Q: I exist…,

A: As ‘I Am’ exists?…, that’s what you said isn’t it? Okay, Go on.

Q: And in the same way as the body is appearing, the energy is…,

A: [Directed at another member of the Sangha] Are you crying because of the questions or because of the answers? Or both? [Laughter] Sometimes I also feel like crying [Laughter]. At least she didn’t say ‘The crying is just happening, I am not crying, crying… [Laughter].

A: [Directed at the questioner] So ‘I Am’ is there then?

A: [Directed at the Sangha member] It’s the answers; because I started talking again and she started crying again. [Laughter]. And he is saying ‘Can we please be quiet’. [Laughter]. Now I’m very scared to talk because I might explode in front of him. [Laughter]

Q: I would love that explosion.

A: You have to explain to her what happened.

Q: Yes, Father, it’s just like when Shakti is spoke with the question, and also the way was she putting those questions, I felt like I had the same thing. That’s why I wanted to follow up that.

A: Very good. This question actually was very strongly present here also. We have spoken about

this also, how there is so much identity around work, my father…

Q: Also like what you speak, I’ve seen in the experience that’s just what appears in the present; like in the moment in the body…,

A: Exactly.

Q: But like in satsang, I fight with you because… [Laughter]

A: Oh finally, because what? We’ve been waiting for this answer for a very long time, but you told me you were in the debate team in school or something?

Q: Because I feel like there are many moments also where a lot of identification is going with this doership, and it’s good if we can have more clarification of this.

A: Yes, yes, very good. Very often I’ve said that the real conclusion to this free will vs God’s

will debate is only to find out: Who is that one who could have free will? And once we see that there is no one else here except God then there’s no distinction between God’s will and free will. And I’ve immersed myself in this question for many years, as you know, with Ramesh and….

Q: But I do still feel strongly that I do have free will.

A: Yes, but you are who?

Q: So like if you say that…, if I…,

A: You are who? [Laughter] He’s just like ‘Ignore the question, let’s move on’.

Q: No, no, the question, what you’re implying to say, is that it is the person, it is the person.

A: No, no, I’m not implying anything. You tell me: Who you are? [Silence]

Q: I can’t relate it to this question of free will, to this sense of ‘I Am’.

A: Okay, let me see if we can relate it. So there’s God’s will, you call it destiny or luck or whatever you call it, and there’s this idea of free will, you see. Now God’s will we know belongs to God, okay? This free will belongs to who? [Silence]

That must be the meaning of free will, that it is free from God’s will. Free will means what? Free from God’s will. That’s a very funny term, but free from Gods..,

Q: I don’t see how this free will that I claim to have is separate from the Gods will.

A: Exactly, it cannot be different because there is no individual you. There is only God.

Q: But I do feel that I have free will.

A: I know it’s a prevalent feeling in the world where most, if you go, they will say ‘God…, we believe in God but we have our own free will’. And then you say ‘You who?’ The concept of free will starts to dissolve, you see, because once you see that there is nobody here that has free will therefore all must be God’s will; because only Gods is. If we say ‘God is everywhere’ or ‘God Is’…, then what are we saying? ‘God is everywhere except this I who has free will’?

Q: No, because this ‘I’ is…, [Inaudible]

A: Okay, include it, and how much control does the super-set have over this ‘I’ which is included in that? [Laughter] Just label it and leave it at that; look more. And say ‘Okay there is a super-set and there’s a sub-set’. So what is the boundary of the super-set and sub-set?

Q: [Questioner recites Hindi]

A: Okay now he’s saying…, Now you usually have to translate because you’re a better Hindi translator than me. [Laughter].

Q: We say that we can’t talk about how the Supreme power is, because we don’t have that much strength and power.

A: Yes, yes, but we are not saying anything; we are just saying ‘Who is this I who doesn’t have the power to know God?’

Q: Okay, so let’s take this practical example. [Laughter] Okay, okay, I can simply drop it if you…,

A: No, just don’t drop the question ‘Who are you?’ Because somewhere in our belief we can say that ‘That is beyond me actually, to find out Who I Am. To find out the distinction between God and I’. Don’t make that an unapproachable question. So what if the rest of the world says it? That’s why there are so few of us in satsang here. Because there is a feeling here that you may know directly but it cannot be known mentally; so either you prove me right or you give up on the question.

Q: No, I am very much okay. We can’t talk about it continuously but if you are ok with it.

A: Yes, but you don’t switch the question. Who is the ‘I’ that can have free will? That is independent; won’t call it God’s Will anymore?

Q: Okay, so I will give a practical example for that. [Laughter]

A: But do we need an example? Just say who the ‘I’ is. [Silence] If there is an ‘I’ who is here, we must be able to point to it, no?

Q: And would it be wrong to say this ‘I’ who has claimed free will is the Consciousness which is present?

A: [Inaudible] … as that ‘I am this Consciousness’, then God is also ‘I Am That I Am’. Therefore only, it is only your free will, but You as God or Consciousness.

Q: There’s something.

A: The next thought it is creating…, now with which gear is it creating the next thought?

Q: If I ask you ‘Can you imagine a banana?’ …, can’t you imagine a banana?

A: Who? But who is imagining it? Power of imagination belongs to who? I’m not saying there is no power to imagine, I’m just saying it doesn’t belong to this fictional entity called Ananta. Who created this idea that ‘Let me say about the banana’? That also came from the same Consciousness, didn’t it? Isn’t it? The same Consciousness which has the power to project this thought has the power to project imagination, has the power to …

Sangha member: Father a banana just came into my head one second before you said it. [Laughter]

A: But before I said it he said it, no? [Laughter] She’s making all attempts to hear only this side of the answer and not that side of the question, so maybe just subliminally the banana went in and I said ‘Banana’ and she said ‘Yes, banana’, [Laughter].

I feel we are very close to something here. Because all that has happened to you individually now you’re seeing belongs to Consciousness. The power to imagine, the power of creation of the next thought, the movement of the next action, you see, all of this; who is doing and who is experiencing? Is there an entity called Azhar there who is doing it?

Q: Okay, so this hand moves.

A: It moves.

Q: Before the movement happened, didn’t the experience? Was there will which arose this movement? Before thought, before movement, there was a will which caused this movement.

A: Yes, and who created and experienced it?

Q: The sense of moving, the sense of thoughts coming, the sense of imagination; all of this is appearing in that. I am denying the existence of Azhar. And you yourself say ‘Can I say that it is the Consciousness or I Am?’ Yes, of course, that is then what we are saying. But in my experience it’s not like what you say or Moojiji says, that Consciousness is not deliberately bringing all of these things, in my experience…,

A: What does it mean ‘deliberately’?

Q: Like, what it sounds to me when Mooji speaks on this topic, then it feels like he’s on some automatic gear, and I’m still on manual gear.

A: So let’s look at that, because the feeling of being in manual gear feels like…, does it feel like Consciousness or Presence is doing it? Or does it feel like there’s an individual decision maker who is doing it? Because my experience from the past of feeling like ‘I’m doing this’ or ‘I must do this, now I’ll have to do this’ …, that felt like just the interpretation or the sub-titling coming from the mind, you see? Irrespective of what was coming from there, the actions were moving independently of this. That’s why it’s always been automatic, it just feel like…,

Q: What’s so…

A: Okay, so let’s go to the root of this. So, suppose you are doing it deliberately on manual gear. Who is this You?

Q: The one which says ‘my body’ and ‘my thought’.

A: Yes, and who is that? That is a starting point of when we come to satsang. We come to ‘my body, my thought’. Now after we look and inquire into this ‘me’ …, who do you find?

Q: I don’t see how it is wrong if I say that it is the Being…

A: Okay, forget about the conversation we’ve had. So, I will link it back for you I promise. Who is this me?

Q: This sense of Being; I Am.

A: The sense of Being is here, is anyone else here?

Q: That which knows this.

A: Okay very good, so this sense of Being, is God, Is there any other will except that which belongs to this One?

Q: How could it be possible? We say like [Questioner speaks in Hindi]. But it doesn’t seem like this..,

A: But that’s why we use the dream state to check; who is projecting the entire universe in the dream? After waking up you say ‘It’s all a projection of my Being, Consciousness’. [Silence]

‘So, what I find for the me/my, when I say ‘My will’ I find only this Being and that which knows this’. So, this Being is that which we call God. So then, are you saying ‘this is free will’ or ‘Gods will’? [Silence]

So this is a very good contemplation. Contemplate further into this; that there is no other God than this Being. And just like a dream where there might be a sense of a dreamer in a dream life, you see that the entire dream was just a play within Yourself, within your own Being. Then in the waking state you will have the same insight. When you take away this idea of ‘existence of another besides this Presence’ then all the glory of this Presence will become more and more clear to you. So a mythical person and a mythical God will dissolve, you see? And you find that your own Being, your own Consciousness, is the One Consciousness, is the one God, and we’re no longer relent on some ideas about our self or some ideas about God.

Q: So if you really mean to say that the Being that I experience myself to be, and that which I call God or the supreme power Is One,…then how is it that…? Okay.

A: Contemplate more on this. This is very good.

Looking into Knowingness and Presence

Q: So Father, I think you answered most of my questions, but I would like to share some; my direct experience, like contemplations. So Father, if I drop everything, whatever I learned, everything, there is only the Knowingness is there. There is a Knowingness which knows there is a body; learned it somewhere like there is a body. There is Knowingness which learned that there is a mind. There is a Knowingness which learned about this world, about the relationships, like everything is just talking to the Knowingness.

A: Just pause for one second.

Q: Yes.

A: So this Knowingness, is it that it learned about these things? Because when we learn about something it means that there is this computer which is seen; but I learned that it is called a computer. You see? So.is this the learning that you are talking about, that ‘I see it, then I put a label on it, then I know it’? Or which knowingness are you talking about? The mental knowing, as conceptual knowing, or that which Knows what is appearing and disappearing without the need for any labeling?

Q: Yes Father. Like all those experiences, like whatever it is which is Knowing everything. So, what I found is that all this here, all the thoughts are coming to the person. And when I check ‘What is the person’ it takes into account the whole physical appearance along with everything which has experienced so far; with relationships, whatever, all those problems and everything. But when I was asking…, because the person who is suffering is actually…, it’s not that the body is suffering, as you mentioned. Nothing is…, it doesn’t affect the body; it doesn’t affect anything. Only that the knowingness which is experiencing, that is only kind of suffering or has questions or doubts or everything, that is only the (like what I would say), it is only the code material. (I’m just using those words). But that is only the thing which is telling ‘This body is having’ or ‘That is having’. But when I was having the kind of drilling down, I found it, Father. This knowingness just knows and everything is just changing (all the experiences and everything, all the thoughts, moment by moment), everything is changing. Then what it is referring to as constant and what it is saying ‘me, me’ then? I found out that it is always referring to the sense of existence and taking that as a person actually. And always referring to that sense of existence as a person. But when I was kind of closing my eyes and I was sitting and I was looking, the sense of existence, the thought is always referring to that as a person, but the sense of existence is also experienced. It is also kind of known by Knowingness or something. And when I go back it kind of puts that infinite loop, and then the mind jumps and says ‘It is my knowingness, my awareness, my…’

A: Wait, wait. So, you said that there is a knowing even of this sense of existence, the sense I Am, the sense of Being. And then, very rightly you said the mind tries to convince you that this sense of existence itself is personal. This that I call God, ‘I Am’, actually is pretending to play as if it is a person by believing thoughts which are referring to it as if it is a person. You say that ‘All of this is seen now, that this existence is not personal; it has no personal needs desires,

plans, ambitions, aversions, resentments, regrets. It is just Being. Being is just Being. Very beautiful. Then you say that ‘Even this is known. There is a knowing even of this Being’.

Now, from what I gathered from what you said is that this is a very pristine discovery. ‘I am aware of my Being. Awareness is aware even of Being-ness’. And many times I hear this report that this becomes an infinite loop. But it’s not a loop. It’s very clear actually. Being is here and also Being is known. I know that I Am; not mentally, not conceptually, but directly. There is awareness of Being. You see? All different ways of saying the same thing. Now where is the loop?

Q: So Father, mind says ‘What next?’ It seems like I’m handing over whatever is that relation to

the mind finally… and…

A: So, don’t. Don’t.

Q: Mind…

A: So don’t hand it over to the mind because it will only…, you know, I often take this example that I bake a chocolate cake for you and if you give it to the mind it’s only going to mix mud in it. So you’re coming to very beautiful, very pristine realization. Don’t wait for your mind’s interpretation of this. Because the mind will always say things like ‘Oh, but then this becomes like two mirrors facing each other, it’s an endless loop’. No, it’s very clear. You know that you exist. It’s straight forward; full-stop. There’s no loop! [Chuckles] But if you give it to the mind, I know it can happen like this. The mind says ‘So now, is it done? What next? But this Being then, is it not knowing?’ It’s all…, it tries to confuse you. Because it can no longer convince you, it tries to confuse you.

Q: I guess Father, it was like I got a little kind of anxiety as if I am stuck there because after that kind of relation, I could not take out my focus or attention to anything because everything is just changing, and I found that place, it’s kind of like an axis. At least the mind can hold to that. It was so restless, and I found this sense of existence is the constant and everything else is…, even it is Consciousness, even if everything is One…, but still I see that everything is just changing. And that is the only resting place of my mind. And I could not come out of it, and later on I got a little anxiety, a fear, as if I am trying to cling to that one. And then, honestly, I tried to search with Mooji’s saying something on the ‘I Am’. And then I found he mentioned, exactly he said that ‘Mind will be asking what next, what next. Stay there’. So Father, it’s a direct experience because I have juggled with so many frames, models, concepts, and everything and none of them worked for me because for everything I have to imagine something and something. So this is when I realized ‘What it is? Everything is changing. What it is that is constant? What …, (I forgot all those words; Awareness and everything. But I found that the sense of existence is always there. And that keeps the continuity of the life actually. That makes this feel that this person, whatever, this; and this is continuing this life.

But sometimes this mind takes over and says ‘Okay, you found it’. Sometimes the mind says ‘You did a good job, you found it’. And sometimes it scares me: ‘You’re stuck’. Because I can’t

do anything else. People are thinking I’m losing interest in everything. My family thinks I’m getting lethargic; no more interest in anything. And now the next anxiety is the India trip. I’m scared because I can’t talk, socialize with people anymore as I used to. Because I can’t talk anything else about jewelry, shopping, and all those, because… It’s sometimes, I feel it’s a little bit hard; how to talk, how to prepare myself to talk with my family? Because they will be thinking ‘Is she going under depression?’ or ‘What is that?’ or ‘What is she behaving?’ Because I told my dad a little bit about satsang and attending. He told…, I mean all family members say like ‘Oh, you can’t be Ramana, you can’t be Nisargadatta. They are blessed souls. They are only made specifically for sainthood and all that’. So, you know, Father, I don’t want to debate, I don’t want to be kind of…, but I’m kind of feeling helpless.

A: So, what happens is that you’re getting this beautiful discovery, this beautiful recognition. And you say that ‘I Am is the only constant, and even this is known’. Now, after this, when we give this also to the mind, it starts putting conditions. ‘I am scared, I am lethargic, I am losing it, I am depressed’. Either you are putting the conditions or those minds around you which seem to appear are putting conditions into the mind; which is trying to put some condition into this pure sense of existence ‘I Am’. But a condition can only, only, only be added if you give it some belief.

Part of this switching over from person-idea to just handing over to existence, it is very commonly seen that this play of losing interest happens; and this sense that other family members come and say ‘You are depressed’ happened here. It happened with…, everyone. Actually, I remember the time where my family would come and say ‘But you’re losing all interest. Are you depressed? What happened to you?’ It was the happiest time. There was so much emergence of joy. Then I would go to the mirror and see. ‘How am I looking actually? What is this face showing?’ And then what happened is that after this phase also went, then I found that most of the time there was this big smile stuck on my face. There was just this big satsang grin which was just constantly stuck. Now even that has settled down, so the inward smiles continues but the face is not constantly grinning. I remember my jaws used to pain almost every day. It was just stuck over there. If you would have felt, okay, that you wanted it to show outward the way that you’re feeling inwardly, here you go. So if you see some photos of mine from three, four, maybe five years ago, you’ll see that there was this constant satsang grin. And now I notice that even that has settled down. It’s more relaxed, it’s more not showing outwardly so much.

So all of this is a natural flow of these things. You just don’t attach anything to this ‘I Am’. Don’t even attach ‘I am Free’. Nothing…, don’t believe anything about yourself. Let all of this flow natural as it is doing. In fact, I’m very happy; I saw where you said you’ll be in satsang soon in Bangalore. Very happy. I’m waiting for you to come.

So it’s flowing so beautifully, even outwardly. So don’t attach any conditions, don’t believe any concepts about yourself and this ‘I Am-ness’ Itself is coming to the recognition of Its Source and coming to the true discovery of what It Is. So It knows that there is really no you and you are losing interest in all ideas about Purvi anyway. Because it was fun to play with for a while; just

like when we were children, for girls maybe it’s fun to play with dolls and it’s giving a doll some dresses and some personality and seeming-attributes, but after a while that game is done. If someone comes to you and says ‘Let’s play with this doll’ you will say ‘I’m beyond that now’. Just in the same way now, the play with Purvi, the play with the Purvi identity is dissolving and interest in that is going. As interest in that is going, it can seem to the world that you’re disinterested in life, which is not the life. This is not the case. There is great joy, great wonder that you are finding in life more and more. Every moment is fresh and beautiful. And it will start to reflect even on your face, even in your expressions. So there is no rush to get there.

Q: So, Father, honestly I don’t feel that joyousness. I would be honest in that. One thing I would like to share, like I wrote in the altar [Heart Altar sharing group] is that when I came across [Nisargadatta] Maharaj’s quotations, one of his, he wrote it like: ‘I left my mind and my body to their destiny and I just stay’. So I thought I should not be paying attention to my crazy thoughts, which is causing me suffering, because the suffering was the one that got me to this line. So that was my first intention, that I should not be paying attention to the thoughts. And then I started ignoring those thoughts. And later, other thoughts came. So spent months just ignoring, ignoring, ignoring; just like trying to kill the mosquitos. Just it was continuing forever. Because I could not grasp what he was mentioning or what he was pointing to.

But then I found ‘Let it happen, whatever is happening. Let me hold to this, let this mind hold to this constant factor, the sense of existence. Let everything…, I don’t care. I mean, I don’t care; whatever is happening, I don’t have any control over it actually’. Because that’s what I found. If I try to work on some thought, some other will come, so it didn’t work actually. Whatever the tool, whatever those yogas, it didn’t work actually. I just tried to have a temporary band aids for them. One day I will be happen, then again the next day I will have those; it will come up. So, it was like preparing myself for the war, every time. So I thought ‘I would rather be without weapon. Just holding to what is constant. Be safe there’. So, is that, Father, like what Maharaj says? Or am I interpreting from my mind. I just listen from you to find out what…

A: When [Nisargadatta] Maharaj was saying that ‘I just remain as I am, and I leave my worldly existence to unfold as it is unfolding’ he is speaking of the perspective of Awareness or of Beingness. Now, usually what happens is, there’s a sense that ‘I am a person who is now hanging onto the Presence now for dear life. As life is unfolding unto Itself, I am hanging onto the Presence’. So, as you are now hanging on to the Presence, you will find that the one that his hanging onto the Presence was never really there. It was just Being. It’s just Being.

So the dissolution of the identity, in your case, is happening in this way where it seems like Purvi at once point decided that what she is going to do is hang onto the Presence and ignore everything else which is going by. Then it seems like the distinction, the seeming-distinction between Presence and Purvi is dissolving and only Presence remains. Then even the sense of trying to hold onto it tight, as a lifeboat, this goes. Because you see that there is no Purvi here who is drowning. And just Presence is Here. And all of these appearances are just movements of the waves in the ocean. Then you see if there’s anything to hold onto in the ocean. It is the waves that are arising and falling within You-as-Presence.

So, it started with the sense ‘I-Purvi’ am holding onto the Presence that I Am…, goes to ‘I Am that I Am’…, and then ultimately to ‘I Know that I Am’.

So that which Knows ‘I Am’ … Sees that ‘I Am’ just remains as ‘I Am’ and the worldly existence is unfolding just on its own. There is nothing to be done about it. There is no individual doer thereof. So in this very natural way, your sense of individual identity, your ‘I am something’ …, the ‘I Am-ness-Something-ness’ will dissolve.

Q: Thank you, Father.

The Myth is Energized Only With Belief

If this was the end of everything, the end of the story, would there be something wrong? If nothing more was to happen, if you would not be any more enlightened than you are now, [chuckles], what would be wrong with that? What is missing right now?

I should speak fast because it doesn’t give your mind a chance to think about it. [Chuckles] In the silence is very beautiful but sometimes we just sense…, in the pause you start to think about it. Like now you can definitely come up with something that’s missing.

So, in the Now, Now, Now…

(We’re hearing this cat meow and wondering where it’s coming from. Q: It’s looking for the next bowl of milk.

A: [Laughs] I haven’t used the cat example in a while, so it must be upset.)

There is nobody inside this body, and there is nobody outside this body. It’s just a belief that I exist somewhere, either inside this body or outside this body. It’s just an idea that I have a location. But nobody has found a location for this ‘I Am’ because all locations actually are in Me. And any time in this appearance, if we say it is ‘mine’, if we say it is ‘me’ it is bound to lead to trouble. My life. My wife. My parents. My Master. My sangha. My children. If everything is about ‘my’ then can we at least find this ‘me’?

I often take this example that when we moved into this house, then this house already had a small garden outside on the terrace. There were lots of plants and grass which is growing. But one day I felt like I wanted to plant some seeds. I planted some seeds and they started to sprout. So what would happen is that the first thing I would do when I would go outside is check on the status of these sprouts. There are so many other plants which were also appearing but there was an attachment to ‘mine’. And you notice these things. And you see that ‘Why is it that first the impulse is to check on what I had planted? What is the difference between these sprouts and the rest of the garden?’

So if all our stories depend on this ‘me’ …,

…, so this sense…, we hear these words every day ‘You’re not a person. Consciousness. Awareness’. We keep hearing these terms. Sometimes because they are so often repeated we lose the sense of magnificence around it. That’s why the feeling from here the last few days has been to push you towards just digesting this first: You cannot find a person. You cannot find an individual entity. It is not ‘your’ life in that way. You never existed personally except as a myth. And the myth is energized only with our belief.

Take any myth; would it have any power without your belief? For those who believe in the Loch Ness monster, the Loch Ness monster seems real. And for those who don’t believe in it, it is nothing at all.

Notice how it exists like this; the idea that I exist as a separate entity who can say ‘This is my life, and this is what is happening to me’ is as much a myth as the Loch Ness monster. At least with the Loch Ness monster, some have reported some sightings, no? [Chuckles] Some have even taken some photographs and put them up. [Laughs] But when we search for this ‘person’ all that we come up with is the body. We say ‘This is the body’…., ‘This is the Loch Ness monster! What do you mean it is not real?’

It doesn’t stand 2 minutes of scrutiny, open scrutiny, this idea. Because most of what you want has nothing to do with the body. Most of what is bothering you, the body is not concerned about at all. Is the body concerned whether our relationships are going well or not? Is the body concerned about money in the bank?

The Mind Doesn’t Stop, It Only Becomes Irrelevant

What we are discovering is such a giant leap for the mind that it tries to box it in, in some way. It tries to make it more worldly in a sense. Because what we are discovering about ourself is that we are truly out of this world. So in our attempt to understand it, many times we just, with our spiritual concepts then again put this spiritual box around ourselves, the spiritual identity about ourselves. Because in reality, we are not located here; we’re not to be found here, in this realm of time and space. It is not where we are. And the mind can only understand this realm, or at least pretend to understand this realm. So, like this, as if one day it will show itself to be an objective appearance, but it is bound to be disappointed.

And I don’t know, (I have to say I don’t know), what it is that allows us to leave this mind behind and just look at what we are. That’s why Bhagavan called it Grace. Because if there was a specific recipe, then it would be so simple; we’d just publish the recipe for freedom. Anyone can do just this, then do this, then do this. So the best we can do is keep pointing, using some arrows to say ‘this way, this way’…, knowing fully well that it cannot be located in a particular direction.

What is it that be-fools us to not give up this mind? How many tries does it take using the mind; does it take for us to ultimately give up? Nobody knows this number. What happens is that we have this sense of carrying this seeker identity on our backs, this mind on our backs, and we want to sneak into the gate of freedom.

‘What can I do to not go with the mind?’ This is the common objective. This mind just doesn’t go. But we never said it will go. We never said the mind will go. What is going to happen is that the mind doesn’t stop. So what is it that should happen?

It only becomes irrelevant.

So the trouble with this is that it is the energy that has been given towards this. Now that has to become irrelevant. Anything that it is saying, it comes to a point of irrelevance. So, when that point comes, nobody knows. I can keep saying til the end of the world ‘Don’t believe your next thought, don’t believe your next thought’ but when that will actually happen, nobody knows.

We keep pointing to Consciousness, to Awareness, but when it is recognized that I Am This, and I can be nothing else…

It’s just like saying ‘When is the time, our children; when will the child drop their belief in the imaginary friend?’ Nobody can predict. So when is it that we will drop our belief and say ‘Must be Now, must be Now’. [Inaudible]

But the fact is that even with any pointing, including ‘Don’t believe your next thought’…, we very quickly believe that ‘I must do this now’. We pick up the one who is not believing thought, the idea of someone who is not believing their thoughts.

So as long as we are looking for some mental solution to this conundrum, it is not put out yet. And there are times when it doesn’t appear. [Inaudible]

It is this giving up on the mind, saying ‘Okay, say whatever you want, I don’t care!’ That’s going to be the end of conditioning, end of [the effects of] conditioning.

But we keep using the mind. The mind says ‘Well, this is what I feel about this, this is what I feel about that’. We’re just play-acting non-stop.

I don’t feel that in 10 years the substance of what will be shared from here can really change. Only this. The hair …, [will change]. [Laughter] But the substance of what has been said…, although the expression has changed over the last 3 years also, but the substance of what has been shared is not changing.

What is it fundamentally? That:

We are not this ‘person’.

We are not enclosed in the body/mind. The Presence of Being Here is undeniable. and

You are That who is Aware of even this Being. and

That which is Awareness cannot be bound in any way.

All of this is a play of Consciousness: believing itself to be a person,

or

recognizing Itself, Its Source to be Awareness Itself.

So, the question to Consciousness is: Which way do you want to play?

Spiritual seeker, spiritual finder, mere person?

You are none of this.

I don’t feel that the recognition should be trouble, using the simple pointers: ‘Can you stop being? Are you aware now?’ Those of you who have been in satsang for a while are not finding the recognition to be trouble. When checking, I feel the recognition is very clear. It is just that this conditioning still seems to hold sway.

Ultimately, you relax.

Those who have been in satsang for some time, I’m quite sure they would testify and say that ‘When I check, I know that this is true, what you say’.

Then what is it that is not done? What is still left to be done? And what could actually help to get that done?

If God wants to play as name and form, as spiritual seeker, as enlightened person, as student, as teacher, then God will play as all of that. In His game, in this realm alone, seemingly He is playing as 7 billion different expressions. Every expression unique with the different ideas about themselves. 7 billion unique expressions of the One Being…, with everyone mostly believing ‘This happened to me, this is my story, this is my life, this is my plan’. Some of us also have plans for freedom.

But God is just Here.

Who Is This ‘I’ Who Doesn’t Know Who I Am?

We were at this question, where we started to look and we were saying that if you keep all knowledge aside it seems like, at the moment, I don’t know who I am. And you were saying, ‘Who is this I that doesn’t know?’ That’s exactly what we’re looking at.

So it can be that, for a while, this inquiry can seem like it is an attack actually, in some way. Because some resistance, some mind will come and say ‘But, but, but…, sure I know all of this stuff. Don’t presume that I don’t know!’ It’s not a presumption at all actually. It’s just that we’re looking at something together. Both starting from the perspective that ‘I don’t know what’s going on’. Fresh. Completely fresh right now. So it is not a conversation of a teacher and a student. It is just one contemplation together, which is fresh, when we’re starting from this unknowingness to see if something can be reported from this ‘unknown’.

So, what do we find? We find that the appearance of various sensations, some sounds, all of that is here. These are perceived. But the perceiver, we don’t know. There is a perceiving, but who is the perceiver? We don’t know. So all of this. All these different appearances are perceived. Sounds, sensations of the body, some sense of emotions, some hunger, some thoughts.

Is that all that is perceived? No. There’s also Presence, this sense that I exist, I Am. This Presence is also perceived. And as I contemplate this Presence, as I continue to perceive this Presence, I find that although it seems to emanate from this physical location called the heart, I don’t find that it is restricted to any physical location. Can I look and see where it ends…, the sense that ‘I exist’ or ‘I am Presence’?

As I am looking, I see that all that is experienced is sensed within the same Presence, same Being. All sounds, all visuals, everything is here. Nothing is ‘there’. Even the sense of ‘something there’ is being perceived only here within this Being. And I find no boundaries of This. It needs no thought to confirm what It is. It is just present as Presence itself and everything which is experienced seems to appear in the same space of Being; This that I Am.

Right now, as I see this, I find no way to make this go away. I cannot stop Being, which is just Presence. And yet, there is the memory of a time where even this was not, and then I woke up and ‘this’ woke up. Even this memory is arising within this Being.

Now That which is perceiving even this Presence, That which knows that even this Presence is here; what is the separation between That and myself? There is awareness of this Presence. And, there is awareness of this Awareness. I am aware of this Presence. Does this Awareness belong to an entity? I find no entity here. I find nothing here with any attributes. I find no start or end to this Seeing, this Awareness. I see now that I Am This, prior to the sense of Being.

This is what remains. Here I find no up or down, no in-front-of or behind. I find no movement of time. And the light of Consciousness seems to be nothing except a tiny light, flickering. How is it

that That, which seems so limitless, that which encompasses the entire universe, now seems like nothing but a tiny light?

I am aware…, as nothing but Awareness itself. As this I, I remain. And yet, now there is a flow of attention towards the sensations, which do not touch me at all. There’s attention towards these thoughts, which are not speaking about me. There’s attention towards the sounds in this room which are heard, but I do not find myself in this room. I remain prior to all of this. Attention can come back to this Presence, and I see that I witness even this.

I know that I am and I know that I know.

I am aware of this sense of existence

And I am aware that I am aware.

What would this mind, which is only used to reporting about objects within the existence, say about Me? Where inside this bundle of flesh and blood will I be found, when I Am That which is prior to the light of God? Did I forget who I was? That can never be. That which has only been ‘This’: there is no forgetting or remembering here. And yet, in the play of this ‘I-Am-ness’, in the play that ‘I exist’…, I see this play of forgetting and remembering.

The creation and dissolution of this entire universe is only dependent on the presence or absence of My Presence. Even if a million such universes were to come and go, I remain untouched by them.

Who is Hiding?

So, if I understand your question, what you say is that there is a ‘me’ that wants to find freedom. Now should I follow the instruction to get to freedom or should I just not do anything to get to freedom? This is the essence of the question I am understanding. Because you say that ‘The master is saying this, this, and this but somewhere inside something is saying no-no not this, just nothing’. But how will this ‘me’ come to the freedom? If I tell you that this ‘me’ does not exist. Because what is happening otherwise is that the ‘me’ takes on the concept of doer ship and non- doer-ship and says ‘But even this is doing. I don’t want to do’.

Yes, but this I is who? [Silence] Which one is the I? You say that ‘I see the sense of me’. So what else does this I want? This I has a problem with anything? Does it want freedom? The one that Sees the sense of ‘me’, is there something missing for that one? Is it affected if some feeling of depression is there? Is it depressed, the I? Is it asking ‘What should I do or not do?’ Not asking?

So this one, which is wondering whether it is hiding, which is wondering whether it is hiding, it is escaping, you being lazy by avoiding any instruction; this one doesn’t exist. If it exists, you show me. Where is it? Who is there that could be hiding?

[Silence]

The mind is very smart. You see, the mind says ‘I am not the doer; yet all the pointing is telling me to do something. But you are not the doer’. So the mind has got you into this loop, where like Amba was saying, the deeper urge is for self-discovery, but the concept of non-doer-ship has been taken up by the mind. So it says ‘No, to find myself back why must I do something?’ It’s true so right now, don’t do anything and tell me who you are.

Q: Nothing.

A: Nothing. But is it a nothing where something is missing; that nothing? No missing, nothing. Now from this place, can you say if you are hiding or not hiding? Is there some fear about this? In this nothingness, what is happening? Fear came. So did the nothing become something? Fear came, so because fear came, did the nothing become something?

Q: Nothing.

A: Nothing. So who wants the fear to go? Who wants it to go?

Fear is coming, then what happens? Something wants to be active, wants to react. OK, who is that one? Just some energies are playing out. In this play of energies, who are you? Did you go from nothing to becoming something now? Then, who could be hiding in this? Who could be hiding? Is there someone who could be hiding?

Q: No.

A: Now, this nothing; does it need any thoughts to be nothing? Do you need to believe a thought to be nothing? So, when you believe a thought, that is the doing actually. What is the doing? What is the doing? When the thought says ‘I am not free yet’ and we give it our belief. Nothing really happened, but we pretend as if ‘I am an entity which is not free’. You see? Even when we say ‘I am free’ it is the same thing. So if it was just conceptual, then it is talking about an entity that does not exist.

Who must do effort? To come back means that you left. If you leave, then you come back. You go back to Tiru and you say ‘I come back’. So what left, that has come back? Who left? Leave and show, how you leave it. Create some distance. Let’s see.

[Silence]. Can you leave?

Why is it not easy? Yes, even if the concept comes, have You left? Then what do you have to do to come back? If you cannot leave, what do you have to do to come back? To pretend to leave is the doing. How would you pretend to leave? By leaving with a thought. Is there any other way to pretend? You put your attention there, there, there, anywhere; have you left?

To be able to pretend to leave ourSelf and pretend to be a person, is the power of belief.

You are actively ‘doing’ the non-doing. You are ‘doing’ the not-doing, which is as good as doing. You see? You see what I am saying? I can repeat. Because for the mind it is ‘doing’ or ‘not-doing’. Both are actually doing. You are doing the not doing. You see? So if you neither ‘do’ nor ‘not-do’ and remain neutral, then attention is moving on itself.

It’s created a fear behind the movement of attention. So now it is making you do the not-doing. Are you with me? It’s like saying that ‘I am sitting on my bed all day’. That is also a doing. I am sitting on the bed all day. You see. So when I am ‘not-doing’ in this way, I am ‘doing’ the ‘not- doing’. So don’t ‘do’ the ‘not-doing’…, or ‘do’ the ‘doing’. Just remain neutral and allow everything to come and go. Because instantly what is happening is that I am saying…, I am giving you a pointing, but the mind is saying ‘But I don’t want to do’. You see? I don’t want to do.

Yeah something, some resistance is coming which is saying ‘You can’t do’. Okay. But when we say that ‘I should not do’, then we are ‘doing’ the ‘not- doing’. Actually the master’s pointing…, He doesn’t want you to ‘do’ anything. You see? And He doesn’t want you to ‘not-do’ anything. This is neutrality.

So it is impossible for us to understand like this. You just have to see it. Hands are moving, am I doing it? No, it’s just moving. But if I say ‘I should not be doing anything’ then I keep like this.

Then I am ‘doing’ the ‘not-moving’. Allowing everything to flow naturally, neither trying to do nor trying not to do. You see? Just a happening. That’s why the trouble with the concept of non- doer-ship is that the mind wants to become…, or this resistive energy wants to become the non- doer. Because you say ‘I heard from the teacher that you are not the doer, therefore I will not do’. That is doing the not doing.

It can become so subtle…

So, because the pointer to not believe your next thought, or the pointer to inquire who am I, is not a doing. We don’t have to do anything unnatural.

But that which is resisting the inquiry, that which is resisting the teacher’s pointing, is also not natural. You see? It’s trying to keep itself alive as the resistance, by giving you some subtle meaning. ‘I don’t want to do. I just want to sit quiet’. That’s also a doing. Then don’t ‘do’ sit quiet also. Why you want to sit quiet? Don’t do that also. In this way then it is neither this nor that. Then nothing. It all falls, you see. So don’t do the pointings and don’t not-do them also. Because both are doing.

You don’t know. When the pointing comes, you don’t know. Whether you look in the direction of the pointing or not, you don’t know. Allow it to not-know. Come to that state of not-knowing. Don’t know. Something is saying something…, something, something, something. Don’t know. Whether it knows or doesn’t know; don’t know. That is true non-doer-ship. That is true openness, true allowing, true acceptance. When we try to say that ‘I will not do because I am the non-doer and I want to sit quietly’…, that is also doer-ship. Not knowing in the next moment whether speaking will happen or sitting quiet will happen, that is fresh. Any plan is not God’s plan.

So if some subtle energy comes and it gives you some whisper in your ear: ‘Now you just be quiet, now you do this, now you do that’…, just let it also come and go. Say ‘I don’t know. I am surrendered to God, I don’t know’. If you have something to say, say it to God. That is surrender.

Taste Your Freedom Now

Today let’s not talk about freedom! [Laughs] Today let’s not talk about freedom, maybe we can taste our freedom instead. [Smiles]

Just like this. [Silence] Enough talk!

There can come some fear. There can come some fear about not believing our thoughts. Just allow it to come! Allow all thoughts to come and go, all emotions to come and go. Don’t give words to anything at all unless they come from the Satguru within you. Otherwise satsang itself we will use to perpetuate our stories, to perpetuate our special-ness.

Just like this, can we allow all thoughts to come and go? And if there is fear about this, instead of running and hiding behind these thoughts, can we face this wobbliness? Can we see how long it will last?

Taste your freedom Now!

And don’t be in a rush to speak about it.

Don’t be in a rush to be seen as free.

Let go of this world!

Let go of this body!

Let go of your thoughts, emotions!

Let go of your attention!

Give up your beliefs!

You are free, here and now!

[Silence]

Don’t accept any conclusions, questions, doubts, ideas, utterances from the mind! Allow them to come and go.

Let me not hear you as a person any more. Let me hear you only as my Satguru!

Let me not see you posing as a mouth for this ego.

Let me see you shining as the light of Presence!

May you no longer believe that which is not original to You!

May you forget all your ideas!

It doesn’t matter who I am.

It only matters who you are!

There is no need to post-mortem this world of appearances, which is born and dead inside you already.

Who are you?

When were you born?

How will you die?

Who will know your death, except yourself?

Don’t give any energy to this mind. Don’t activate this mind.

Hand over this body to existence!

Hand over your words to your being!

Let go of all trivial pursuits!

Stop running around looking for the Self, which is ever-present!

Don’t try to become something.

The ‘something’ will never be greater than God!

So this week, at least [Laughs], I am not going to accept any reports, any testimonies, any ideas [Silence] and neither should you. That’s more important actually! Enough talking, talking, talking. We’ll keep going like this for 100 years, Monday to Friday. [Laughs]

Let me show you the possibility, the ease, with which you can let go of this mind!

You are being introduced to your God-Presence, which doesn’t want to be seen,

which is in no rush to be heard, is not being humble,

is not proclaiming anything!

As we let go of our minds, we will come to this Seeing, of undeniable intuitive Presence, which will then use your words, your mouth.

[Silence]

In Hard Times We Realize Concepts Are Worthless

Actually over here we have Lionel who was not physically not feeling very well, his body was not feeling well over the last few days. And he said something very beautiful. He said that when this was happening that all this, Awareness, Consciousness, all of this was nonsense.

He said I only remembered one thing that you said ‘When life hits you, no concept helps. All conceptual knowledge is completely worthless’. It doesn’t help. You can keep repeating to yourself ‘I am just the witness, I am just the witness’. It doesn’t help. ‘I am only Awareness, I am the Being in which all of this is happening’. It’s just conceptual knowledge.

And I know this first hand. That was the story I was sharing that; conceptually what was needed to be known was known many years ago even here. Even some glimpses of what was true was experienced. But not until I came to Moojiji’s feet did I realize the permanence of the Self, the temporary nature of the ego. So if you had asked me even before I had met him, all the words could have possibly been similar but they would just be coming mostly from a mental place.

Even some of you know this story, that for a few years there was a struggle to find this ‘I Am- ness’. Because [Nisargadatta Maharaj’s book] ‘I Am That’ had such a strong influence here; mostly strong because I knew that something sensed that it is true, what is being shared. But also very frustrating because I could never fathom what is this ‘I Am’. In every Satsang inevitably Maharaj would talk about the sense I Am. So then what happened is that in being fully frustrated about this ‘What is this I Am? What is this I Am?’ one day when that question just dropped and I was sitting in an auto rickshaw without doing anything, without any inquiry, it was naturally so clear that this Being has always been here. And the mind, (the trickster that it is) comes and says ‘How could you miss this so long? How could you miss this?’

But even this sense, this sense of Being, the sense of existence was handed over to the mind most likely; so that even if you were to ask me then ‘So, who are you in reality?’ I would have most likely said that ‘I am that Awareness that is even aware of Being’. But it was not digested food, til I met Guruji and I saw that this is reality: that I am the Self and the movements of this body/mind mechanism are just Appearances appearing in my own Being

That is why very often we say, (even I say), that ‘Let’s not be in a rush to share’. Even with true insight you find me not responding to sharing which is fresh. Because this is the critical time, you can say. And if everybody starts indulging you right now, very easily that can become the spiritual ego without even realizing. Very easily you can take on this idea that ‘I got it’. Then it becomes next to impossible to get through to this play which plays like this. One of the most difficult ideas to dislodge verbally is the idea that ‘I got it’. Then only suffering has to come and dislodge it.

And before meeting Guruji actually in 2009, I have said ‘I got it’ many times. And after meeting him, I have never said…, I don’t recall saying ‘I got it’. Because truly there is nothing that ‘I got’. Maybe at best what we can say is that ‘I lost it’.

What did we lose? The false idea that I am a person. The concept of being a separate ego was lost. So did we really get it, did we get anything? Was it an additive process in anyway? It is only a destructive process, which destroys the non-existent. So don’t allow this idea that ‘I got it. I got the pinnacle of the truth’ or something like that to set in.

A better proclamation is that ‘I cannot find this sense of separation’. There can be great disbelief that it even existed here.

I find great wonder in this presumption. You find great wonder when you look around in this world and say ‘It was so prevalent and it was so prevalent here’…, this idea that ‘I am a separate individual, an entity that exists, an entity that own this body, that owns my relationship, that owns my bank account, that owns my future plans’…, that constant [search for] freedom, or is not finding freedom. Who is this one?

The question ‘Who am I?’ is one of the most beautiful gifts in this world. Because not only does it wipe away all the false but it is also a beautiful pointer to the true recognition of what we are.

In this moment everything from the past has already been thrown away. Don’t try to even throw away anything. It is already gone. But very quickly, for most of you, the invitation will come from the mind to come and dance with it, with any of its ideas. Just allow this invitation to come and go. It will take many shapes and sizes, it will even say ‘I can’t do this’. It will go ‘Oh, he said I am not the doer, so how can I do this?’ Just allow it to come and go.

Just keep the intention to allow it to go; it is enough. If you feel like there is a power you have called ‘intention’ then just keep the intention to allow it to come and go. It is enough.

Become used to this allowing.

You are not trying to become the witness. Witnessing is happening naturally.

You are not even trying to control you attention. Attention can also be allowed to move around.

Allow everything. Drop any sense of control. This simple allowing, this simple openness is the end of suffering.

No mental understanding is enough. When the rubber hits the road, when the body becomes sick, or our relationship is going to pieces or we are out of money, when we realize that this entire seeking is a sham, not getting us anywhere; when these things happen if you only have a concept of who we are, if we only have an idea about it, if we are still victim to the mind, we still feel tormented by our thoughts then that is not the end of suffering.

Existence is One Without Any Second

There’s a very beautiful passage which I shared from Wu Hsin. I feel in this one passage is encapsulated the entirety of, or at least most of what we speak about in satsang. Maybe I can read it. And then if something comes up for some of you, you can also share about it.

“The Principle which is in you,

is talking to you through this Wu Hsin.

Nothing can subjugate you to which you have not assigned value. Be like space.

Regardless of what appears in it, it isn’t affected. Existence is one without any second.

Only in becoming apparent,

It is obliged to divide into an apparent seer & an apparently seen. In that way, Being is the beginning of duality,

space and time, limited and temporary.

To see that everything simply arises in Consciousness is a liberating disposition.

When you identify with the body, its problems become yours.

The farther one moves away from the self-referential point of view, the closer one comes to reality.

Differences in appearance and expression may be there, but they do not matter.

Finally, it is discerned that one is always Knowing, never the known.

There is only the Greatness, appearing as everything. This is enlightenment,

the realization of the is-ness of What Is, the where of What Is,

and the when of What Is.”

Wu Hsin

“The Principle which is in you, is talking to you, through this Wu Hsin.”

Q: I feel it is like I am pretending to be a certain level of development of Consciousness or something in the play and a part of play is there are other forms which are also playing as more wisdom or more clarity. So I am speaking or encouraging myself to expand.

A: “The Principle which is in you, is talking to you, through this Wu Hsin.”

So, it’s very familiar. Actually, it’s your own Presence, your own Satguru which is talking through the body of the Master; your own Consciousness.

“Nothing can subjugate you to which you have not assigned value.”

Q: If you don’t believe your next thought, it cannot lead you into idea of separation. So this is basically saying that ‘Don’t believe what the mind is saying or don’t assign any value to this idea of separation’.

“Nothing can subjugate you to which you have not assigned value.”

So, to what can we assign value?

Q: To either thoughts or interpretation about what is happening.

A: And even the interpretation is what?

Q: The thoughts itself. And the one who is assigning value is nothing but Consciousness.

A: Yes, so it says “Nothing can subjugate you to which you have not assigned value.”

Therefore, if we don’t assign this meaning, this belief, this value to the next thought, to the interpretation of ‘What Is’ like he said very beautifully, then nothing can subjugate us. This is very beautiful, because first he said that the Guru is your own Presence which is speaking through this construct called Wu Hsin at the moment. Then straight he gets to the end of suffering, saying “Nothing can subjugate you to which you have not assigned value.” So, therefore nothing can make you suffer without your belief.

Very beautiful. Then he says:

“Be like space.

Regardless of what appears in it, it isn’t affected. Existence is one without any second”.

How to be like space?

Q: Don’t touch anything that appears or don’t hold anything that appears.

A: What does that mean?

Q: Not to identify with anything that appears.

A: How not to identify?

Q: By not believing yourself to be anything that you can see.

Now terminology there can be a bit confusing, because in traditional Advaita we refer to the Self as Reality. But in Buddhism, maybe even in Zen, when they say ‘self-referential’ in this way they are referring to some ‘appearance’ as ‘my self’. When we move away from this perspective, either the body or the mind, it is no longer referred to as self; the closer we come to the reality of the Being.

“Differences in appearance and expression may be there, but they do not matter.”

It is funny that just in previous sentence there is a difference in expression. ‘The self’ is referred to differently. But ultimately that does not matter. Also at another level it could mean that it could have different ‘appearances’ and expressions appearing and disappearing but they do not matter.

“Finally, it is discerned that one is always Knowing, never the known.

There is only the Greatness, appearing as everything.”

Q: It’s like even this entire Universe and this realm within which it expresses itself and any other realm which could express any other form, Consciousness, any other dimension, any other level of expression or experience is absolutely no use unless we know it. Actually the only thing we can say exists is the knowing of it. Because if we are not here to know it then it does not exist, no matter how grand or spectacular it is.

A: It is always Knowing, never the known. This is very important. Just the other day maybe we had a satsang that was titled ‘If it can be known, then it is not You’. So it is the Knowingness Itself that knows even Presence. Only from that point can we say something like ‘Being is the beginning of duality’. Not from a personal perspective, not even from the perspective of Being itself, not even as God ‘I Am that I Am’ can we say that Being is the beginning of Duality. Only from the perspective of this Knowingness itself. Never the object that is known, including the knowing of Being itself.

“It is discerned that one is always Knowing.”

… that I am always this Knowing, prior to even ‘I Am’…, I am the Knowing, never the known.

“There is only the Greatness, appearing as everything.”

This Knowingness itself is appearing as everything, including Consciousness.

“This is enlightenment,

the realization of the is-ness of What Is,

the where of What Is, and the when of What Is.”

It is very nice, isn’t it?

See For Yourself What the Truth Is

What will happen, as you become more settled in your own Seeing, you will find that all of these beautiful Masters can be heard; and you learn to rely on your own Seeing so much that sometimes when something even seems like it’s in dichotomy to something, it doesn’t bother you. Because your own Seeing becomes the primary reference point. And at least if something’s not shared from here, you have an opportunity every day to come and say ‘Ananta, you say like this. Can we look together? Because something doesn’t seem to be resonating in the way that I’m seeing it and the way that you are saying it. So can we see together what you mean by this?’ I’m very open to this contemplation together. We look together and see.

Because as you’re coming more and more into this silence, all of this will seem so obvious to you. What you were saying which seemed to be so conceptual some time ago will become so obvious and simple. And you’ll find that even the greatest scriptures, what they are saying, (the Ashtavakra Gita, the Ribhu Gita), all of these will seem like they’re just kindergarten text books. They will not seem so fancy now. They will seem so obvious, like ‘Yes, yes, yes’. Like this.

So then there will be a great inclusiveness. And then all different expressions of the sages, the masters, will be accepted; because one is talking about Love being the ultimate, one is talking about Being is the ultimate, one is saying there is no Awareness, one is saying there is only something else; whatever. Then as your reference becomes your own Seeing, then all of these are also accepted with Big Love. But the ability to cause confusion in that will reduce more and more.

That is the point of this direct sort of satsang, because I want you to see for yourself what the truth is. And once you See and confirm over and over that the sun comes up from the East, then you can hear from the greatest authorities, you can read in the most honored scriptures that actually the sun comes from the West but it won’t shake you, because you’ve seen for yourself what the truth is.

What happens here also so much is that mostly what is being shared by various teachers is being accepted with a lot of love, a lot of enjoyment. Even if someone comes and…, I’ve heard things like this, that ‘Awareness is just a functioning of Consciousness’ or something like this. And when you See that you see for yourself that there is this awareness even of Being…, and there is a phenomenal witnessing, which is a functioning of Consciousness, then there is not this impulse to criticize or to say ‘No, no, they are wrong and I am right’ or something like this. Just ‘Yes. It’s just an expression. It’s being expressed like this’. Who knows who is right, who is wrong; that is not of any importance. But I have to be true to what is Seen here.

The same way, you just have to remain true to what you See. This is integrity, as [Nisargadatta] Maharaj said. So, the words of satsang we are using to just check into our own Seeing, and if it resonates with our own Seeing, we accept it. If we find that it seems to be different, then we come up and we say ‘This is how I see it. Can we look together?’ This is very beautiful for us to do.

Questions of the Mind Are Irrelevant

Q: For some time, what is happening is that this desire to know, desire to interpret, all of this is just fading away. Like whatever you’re talking, is just seen as a kind of a hearing, without any meaning, without any words, or any interpretation. So, I just see a figure, you know, movement of the lips. So, I have tried it very hard actually, but it is just not clicking. You know? It is just fading, disintegrating. The satsang which I hear, I don’t remember. What I read actually, they don’t really stay; it is like actually just some kind of black and white kind of a thing. All the definitions…, everything is just dissolving actually. You know, it is going only to very, very basic things like only the five senses working. There is no interpretation from the mind actually. Now what is happening is there’s a complete…, I can’t even say the silence because even the silence is Seen. Everything is Seen, in fact. I’m totally naked; I’m totally naked in fact. It is difficult to explain. It is very difficult to explain. And then what happens, there is no desire to know anything, there is no desire to understand anything; there is no desire to learn anything, to do anything or act on anything. I mean, nothing to be done as such, you know? Nothing to be done. Now what happens, a thought comes. A thought comes ‘Are you aware?’ Now, this creates a doubt. This this creates a doubt about this state; this state which may be natural or it may be a kind of a hypnotic state. I do not know what is the truth behind this state. And also, whatever I have told you is the experience. Now the question comes whether this experience itself can be Seen. So, this can be Seen. The one who is experiencing this, the one who is explaining all this to you, this is also Seen. There is nothing which is not naked in this! There is nothing which is not naked in this. So then, who is to meditate? For whom is the silence? [Silence] Even this also disintegrates. And I want to know whether it is a natural state. From where is this doubt coming? I mean why even this question is coming up? From where is this question coming up? If this is a natural state, why even this question should come: ‘Is this Seen also?’ Is this Seen also? So, the mind just cannot go into any kind of a hypnosis, including the conviction that ‘This is It’.

A: Yes. Exactly.

Q: And I’m just seeing the arising of this question, whether this is Seen or this is not Seen; and the one who is getting disturbed by this or the one doubting about this.

A: Very good. So let’s look at where you started from. You said that ‘I tried and tried and tried to know things, and now all this knowing is dropping. I cannot know anything. All I can see is that some appearances are coming, the body is coming in front of me, the lips are moving, some words are being shared, but the sense of analyzing it, interpreting it…, all of that seems completely futile and is not happening here’. This is very good, this is very good. So this is the dropping of the mental or the conceptual knowing, through which nothing can be known actually.

Then you say that ‘There is just this Seeing of all of this, which seems so natural. The Seeing of this entire play is here and it seems very natural. And if this is natural, then why do these kind of

questions arise that isn’t even this Seeing? Why aren’t you seeing within your own state of mind? These kind of questions are coming’.

So, let these questions also come and go. You don’t have to analyze them also. You don’t have to worry about ‘Why they are still coming? They should have stopped by now’. These kind of things, don’t worry about. Because the mind also comes pretending to be your ally and saying ‘See? I’m still helping you. I’m helping you to look’. It comes like this. But you don’t need this ally, even these thoughts can be allowed to come and go. Because now if you’re saying that the dropping of all conceptual knowing is happening, dropping of all mental knowing is happening, then not even these questions from the mind are relevant now. They can also come and go.

Without any effort to see anything, the Seeing is happening. This primal Seeing, this primal Witnessing which witnesses everything, is what is being called here the Knowingness Itself.

What is the difference between conceptual knowing and This Knowing? This Knowing knows even the picking up of conceptual knowing and the dropping of conceptual knowing.

So, you say ‘I don’t know anything anymore’. But you Know that you don’t know anything anymore. It is not a mental knowing. But it is Seeing that there used to be ideas here, and now the ideas are gone. They have no value. They have no strength. So this is Seen. This Seeing is also what is referred to as Knowing; the primal Knowing.

So, we can say this Seeing of Being, this Knowing of the Presence, that the Presence is Here; we use these words synonymously. But this Knowing has nothing to do with judgment, interpretation, mental understanding, intellectual prowess. It’s very good that all of this is being dropped.

Now, this Knowingness which remains is effortless; prior to any concept of effort. So allow all these thoughts to come and go. And remain in this natural-ness of not knowing anything.

Also, don’t pick up the one who is the checker or the reporter, because this checker-man is my nemesis. It’s very quick to ‘take your temperature’. Don’t take your temperature also. Drop the thermometer. Don’t know anything even about your state. Don’t make any ‘report cards’. Don’t make any correspondence about it. Just allow it to be whatever it is.

And like this, you’re very welcome to come to satsang. I don’t mind when you say that ‘None of the words are registering. I’m not able to give meaning to them’. Yes. The words are only used to point you to this natural-ness of not-knowing. You see? So you don’t have to struggle to understand the words. If they don’t have meaning, just hear them as if some music is playing in the background. You’re not trying to interpret it; nothing.

This not-knowing mentally, this conceptual not-knowing, is very beautiful.

The Truth We Are Looking For is the Reality of the True ‘I’

Q: Father there’s a feeling of complete breakdown over here. Yeah I do, I try to isolate myself from the rest of the world and I don’t feel like going out. I just don’t like interacting with people. I’m not pursuing any hobby.

A: Yes. So, all of this is happening. If you don’t label it ‘breakdown’ then it’s just a simple dropping away of some activities, some socialization; and sometimes it’s very natural for this to happen. As all the prior conditioning is being released then, mostly in the outward appearance of what is appearing and what is not appearing in this life seems to change. Nothing wrong with that. The only thing we have to check is that ‘Who is this ‘I’ that I continually refer to myself as? I don’t feel like this, I don’t want to do this’. Does that have any reality; this ‘I’?

[Silence]

Is there an ‘I’ which is breaking down? Is there an ‘I’ which is breaking down?

Q: But Father, I can’t go on like this, I mean… [Chuckles]

A: Who can’t go on like this? [Laughter] Okay, you have two options. One option is to tell me who the ‘I’ is. Second option is that instead of using the word ‘I’ use the word God. So God can’t go on like this? I feel this is now a very good thing. Until we get to where the ‘I’ is pointing, let’s replace ‘I’ with God.

Q: Father, I have some doubts, like…,

A: Are there any? God has some doubts?

Q: Okay, okay, God has some doubts, [Laughter] whether God would really realize the Truth or whether I have to remain frustrated like this.

A: So, this Truth that we are looking for, the Truth that we are looking for is the reality of the ‘I’. You see, it is not an object to be found outside. Because we have found many objects and all objects only give us momentary pleasure, momentary happiness, momentary joy. So it cannot be the search for an object. The Truth must be something which I am.

The mind will resist this question it will say ‘But what about my peace? What about my frustration? This is not helping’. [Chuckles] Until we come to clarity about who you are. So that is why satsang is different from most other interactions, most other spaces in this world. Because for most other spaces in this world there is something to be offered to this ‘I’. You go to school, and the idea of ‘you’ learns something at school, you go to relationships so that you, (the idea that you have about yourself), feels a sense of companionship, experiences some pleasure; all of these things. You need some money so that the idea you have about yourself feels a sense of

security. It is only in satsang like this where we are not offering anything to this idea of ‘you’. I can’t even offer you the end of your frustration, you see? I can only offer you this mirror; who wants the end of frustration? If you can look for this one, then I can tell you that those who have found the Truth about who they are have rarely ever said ‘I’m frustrated’…, only as a joke, only sometimes.

I’ve not seen anyone come to the end of their frustrations without discovering what they are. Who is witnessing the mind’s response to what I am saying? Is that also the mind? Are you that one which is speaking the words of the mind? Or are you that one which is witnessing the words of the mind?

[Silence]

What’s happening now?

Q: Witnessing.

A: Okay, so if you’re Witnessing, is Witnessing also frustrated? Is the Witnessing breaking down? Is the Witnessing frustrated? Is the Witnessing worried about what is happening to your life?

Q: It’s the image which is getting frustrated.

A: Yes, yes, yes. This image is dancing in front of you; sometimes happy, sometimes frustrated, sometimes worried, sometimes…, all kinds of things. But you are not this image. You are that which Sees this image. Once you recognize the stability of this Witnessing, the unchanging-ness of this Awareness, then there is not so much concern about how the image is dancing around.

Q: Father, it’s difficult.

A: Who is saying this?

Q: It’s the ego.

A: Yes. The ego is what? The ego is this belief in the separation that ‘I exist as a Prachi’. But are you the ego? So the ego has a name called Prachi which pretends to have a form like this body. But are you the ego? Who is aware even of the ego?

[Silence]

Then mind will come with all kinds of resistance: ‘It’s too difficult, I’m not getting it, what’s the point of all this? How will this help me? Will I become enlightened if I do this?’ [Chuckles] All kinds of things it will say, but you can allow them to come and go. The moment you say ‘It is the

ego’ that means you are already saying that ‘I’m not the ego. I am aware that something is the ego’. So keep the ego also aside. What is left?

[Silence]

Are you just the ego or is there something else also? If you have no idea about yourself, and you never had a name, if you did not believe that this is your form, the body, would you Be? Would you still exist or not? Without a name, without any sense that ‘This is my body’ is there anything more to you than this?

Every cell of this body is changing every few years, so where are You in the body? Every cell is being replaced. Right now, if I take away some cells, will you go along with those cells or will you still remain? At which point would You go? What is it that You are?

If I had some future technology which could replace all…, everything that is in the body; one by one, limb by limb we exchange this body for a new one, then what remains here? Although the body is brand new now, what is it that remains? Would You go along with the old body?

Everything; brain, heart, everything been changed. One by one we are replacing everything, okay? Everything is changing to a new one. Did You go along with that which has been thrown away and discarded? Or are you still here in this new body? Where in the body are You?

Q: Don’t know actually.

A: Yes, so ‘Don’t know’ is very good, at least. ‘Don’t know’ means ‘I don’t know whether I am the body, I don’t know whether I am Prachi’. Then don’t refer to yourself as that. At least while we don’t know, let’s not refer to ourselves as that. And this period of ‘Don’t know’ can seem like a bit of a struggle for the mind because can come to the conclusion that ‘I am the body/mind’ .You say ‘I cannot be these organs of the body, these limbs of the body. I cannot be these thoughts which are coming and going. Who I am…, that is aware of the coming and going of thoughts? Thought comes, we say ‘The mind is there’. Thought goes. There is no thought, we say ‘It is the no mind’. Who is aware of mind and no mind? When no attention is on my ear, then no ear exists; when attention goes to the ear then the ear exists. Am I in the ear?

Q: Father, whatever is understood is being understood by the…,

A: By the?

Q: Ego.

A: How is the ego understanding? Who is the ego? Who is the one that is understanding? Okay, let’s see. Who is the one that is understanding? What is your definition of ego?

Q: It’s the image.

A: Yes. So this image, like a painting, can it understand something? Can a painting understand something?

[Silence]

The mind is saying ‘I’m not getting it. What’s happening?’ [Chuckles] So what I was saying is that don’t draw any conclusions yet. Remain in the not-knowing and speak from what you See, directly from what you See, not from what the mind is saying.

It is this direct Seeing of what You Are. It is the direct allowing of thoughts to come and go which will help you when difficult situations arise. Because even in the most difficult situation, unless we are believing our thoughts it cannot cause suffering. Even in the most difficult situations if we remain in the clarity of who we are we cannot suffer. So actually I understand what you meant when you said ‘It is the ego which is understanding’. So we don’t want that kind of understanding, which means only that it is the mind which is picking up these concepts more and more.

Here what is happening now; all concepts from the mind are being taken away from it actually. And we are left with the True understand which is not mental; the True Knowing which is not mental, the True Seeing which is Here Now. You are witnessing this entire world as Witnessing Itself. You are aware of the play of existence as Awareness itself.

So okay, now I have told you this, that you are That which is aware of this world and you don’t exist as a person. Now you have to prove me wrong. Find some evidence that this is not true.

Will you look into this? I have said that ‘You are Awareness, that is aware even of existence, that is aware of every phenomena coming and going. All you have to do now is prove me wrong. So next time that we speak, just tell me how this is not true. Don’t try to find the truth. Presume that what I’m sharing is not True, and find out how it is not True. Sometimes we have to flip the game around.

Tell me how you are not Awareness but you are actually a person. After looking for a while, after inquiring deeply into it, tell me. Tell me how you are ego or a person and are not Awareness.

Asking Self-Inquiry Questions

Q: I had a question for you and it is that I’ve been doing Self Inquiry for a little while now and I noticed that there’s a lot of spaciousness in my heart. And I also went to see Mooji Baba recently in Zmar the first time, and it was very beautiful. And since then I’ve also noticed that I’m definitely in a space where I can be behind the camera lens and be more identified with the Witness than in front. But there’s also periods where I get in front of the lens and I’m lost. And then I have to ask the questions. ‘Who is making future plans?’ or ‘Who is having conversations with people in his head?’ Those kind of questions, to bring it back behind the lens. And my question is: How can you tell that that voice that’s helping you ask the questions can be trusted?

A: You mean the voice of the Self inquiry itself?

Q: Yeah right, right; that voice that is sort helping bring you back in the place of the Witness and the voice that is saying ‘Just stay as the emptiness and observe the emptiness’, or you know ‘Stay as the Awareness and be empty’. How can you tell if that’s the right voice? [Laughter]

A: It’s very good; this question is very good. So if we were to drop all allegiance to this voice, all belief in this voice, then what remains? So, suppose even this voice which is saying ‘Now you just stay as the Self, stay behind the camera, stay as the Witness, who are you now?’…, this one, if we drop all allegiance to this one, if all belief is withdrawn from this voice also, then what remains?

Q: Then just nothing, sort of nothing remains.

A: Yes, is it a bad ‘nothing’?

Q: No, it’s a good ‘nothing’ but it goes away quickly. Because then thoughts come up and then there’s attraction…, but then again, when you can bring it back to the Nothing, it’s a very good Nothing.

A: So the thoughts are also this voice, isn’t it? You see? So, what we can say is that, if we drop

everything that this mind is saying, then allow these concepts: ‘Who am I? Am I Aware now?’ Those ones that are bringing you, are pointing you to your True position. Allow them to be dropped last. Because the mind is so tricky, it can say ‘But these pointers are also the mind’. You see? Which they are ultimately, Bhagavan [Ramana Maharishi] said that ‘These are just thorns that we are using to remove other thorns from our finger and then both the thorns are thrown away’. So even ‘Who am I?’ is a concept. ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ is a concept. But these are just concepts which are removing. There are very few concepts which can be used in this way; to help us come to our True Nature, to our reality of what we Are. So then after they’re done with their use, once we have removed the thorns from our finger we don’t need to hold onto this thorn anymore; even this is thrown away.

So either we say that ‘This entire voice of the mind is now not going to be believed’ as we drop the allegiance to the mind; then we see that what I Am is this Awareness which is Aware of the Presence of my Being. I don’t need a thought for that, a crutch for that, a tool for that anymore. You see? But if you drop the inquiry thoughts, but still believe other thoughts, then we better pick up the inquiry thoughts again quickly. [Chuckles].

Q: Okay that makes…, I understand that, okay. But sometimes these thorns that I’m using to remove the other thorns, sometimes they get very pro-active. [Laughter].

A: Yes. [Laughter] I was saying a little earlier also that the mind tries to come in and now pretends to be your ally, your ally in the search for the Self. But even this will be dropped. So if it is coming pro-actively and saying ‘Who am I?’ then mostly it can used like this as a pointer to check on who you are. But this also, you are absolutely right, it is taken too far because I find people who are not using ‘Who am I?’ as an inquiry. Or they are just going ‘Who am I, who am I, who am I?’ like a mantra or something, you see so…,

Q: Yeah, yeah, and that happens. And sometimes when the mind comes really strong and it’s really hard to disentangle, I almost have to use it as a mantra for a little bit before I can start sinking into the depth of the question, you know what I mean?

A: Yes. One thing we can inquire into together here right now is that the ‘I’ which wants to sink into the depth of the question…, is which one? Which is the inquiry itself, isn’t it? So we’re inquiring ‘Who am I?’ and then there’s an ‘I’ which is coming and saying ‘I need to use the ‘Who am I?’ to inquire into the depth of who I am’. So, who is this ‘I’ that is trying to use ‘Who am I’?

Q: Yeah, that ‘I’ can also be observed. It’s in front of the lens.

A: [Chuckles] As what?

Q: It’s observable so it’s an object right? So it’s not really me.

A: Did you find this object?

Q: No, not physically.

A: Because this person idea is not even found like atoms and molecules, it is not even found like the body. I can point to the body and say ‘Okay this body is a person’. But is it really? The body doesn’t want freedom, the body doesn’t want better relationships, the body doesn’t want money, you see? So all of these are personal. That is why I say the person is a second level delusion. Actually, we can’t even find it in this phenomenal realm. Even our imagination of it is not very clear. And that is the whole mystery; how something which is not even here, we don’t even have a clear picture of it, seems to get so much of our belief that ‘I must be that’.

Q: Ah, yeah.

A: And it’s very sneaky because all that we find of this person is the representative voice. This lawyer seems to be in our head saying ‘I must do this’ or ‘I must not do this, now I must do it like this, I am doing like this’. You see? So we are still buying into this idea that ‘I am a separate entity’ without actually being able to find the separate entity. Therefore Bhagavan’s question ‘Who am I?’ is so pristine because not only does it wipe away the belief in this false one, it also points us to what is really here. So now even this idea that ‘I am using the inquiry’, (although relative to all other ideas we can say it is quite auspicious), but even this idea can be used; even this idea can be used for our inquiry itself: ‘Who is the one that is using the inquiry?’

Q: Nice, yeah, yeah I [Inaudible] …, because there is some ‘I’ roaming around, the person is doing the inquiry now.

A: Yes.

Q: And it’s like a good cop, you know?

A: Yes.

Q: There’s somebody that gets it kind of and he’s going to use the inquiry. Okay, thank you so much.

A: Very welcome, very welcome, my dear. You reminded me of this story that I used to share very often but I haven’t shared for a few months, so maybe I can share now again. Suppose that we were born into this world which had no mirrors, so we could not see who we are and everyone around us starting from our parents told us that ‘You are a cat’. They said ‘You’re a cat, you’re a cat’. Then even this mind came and it said ‘You’re a cat, and what you have to do is get the next bowl of milk’. So the entirety of our life became about this belief that ‘I am a cat and what is my next bowl of milk, how do I get this next bowl of milk?’

So then various bowls of milk came; relationships came, relationships went, money came, money went, health of the body came, health of the body went, all of these bowls of milk came and they went and something still did not feel satisfied, could not find the eternal sense of peace and joy. Then someone comes and says that ‘There is one ultimate bowl of milk, which is Freedom. You get that nectar, you know? The nectarine milk; the bowl of milk which is never-ending nectar, and then you will be full of peace and joy’.

Then you went to various places trying to get this bowl of milk. ‘I want freedom’. The cat wants this bowl of milk. It said ‘This is the ultimate bowl of milk, the never-ending Nectarine milk: ‘Now I only want Freedom’. And you try various, various things to get it but even this Freedom seems so elusive; the cat trying to get to Freedom wants to become a Free cat. Then you come to a Sage like Guruji [Mooji] who says ‘You’re not a cat. Can you show me the cat?’ And initially

for many there can be resistance which says ‘No, no, I came for my bowl of milk, because I am clear I’m a cat. So give me my joy and bliss which is promised. Don’t ask me if I’m a cat or not’.

So, many will leave from satsang, you see, because it is only the Sage which is carrying a mirror now and he’s showing you. ‘I’m showing you the mirror, can you show me the cat?’ So this question ‘Who am I’ …, this inquiry ‘Who am I?’ is actually the mirror which is helping you to see that there is no person here. So, many times, even the inquiry, even the greatest pointings of the Sages, the cat itself takes it on, hoping it will lead to some bowl of milk at the end. But Freedom is not coming to becoming a free cat. It is Freedom from the identity of being the cat.

So notice that the mind will come in and say ‘See now if you’re doing the inquiry properly. Now you have found your way. Now do the inquiry properly, just do it like this’. It’s just the cat trying to become Free, you see? So when you see that there is no cat here, there is no doer, there’s nobody here who can become Free, then that is Freedom. Freedom from the false belief that ‘I exist as a person’.

Q: That’s a great story, thank you.

A: I find it very helpful.

Q: That’s exactly what I’m doing, I’m the cat that’s trying to find my Freedom bowl of milk. [Laughter]

A: And then the cat says ‘Okay now you have taken even this away from me; now what am I supposed to do?’ [Laughter] So, that’s why I say that as long as we are not buying our next thought…, ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ is Freedom now. Because there is no cat, we only pull up the ‘cat conditioning’ when we believe our next thought. When we tug at this tree of conditioning through our belief in thoughts, only then can we pretend to be a cat that even wants Freedom.

Although it must be said that amongst all endeavors, I would still say that the endeavor for Freedom is still…, can be called auspicious. But sometimes what happens is that this cat either ends up being a very frustrated cat (because there is no Freedom for a cat) or it becomes a very spiritual egoistic cat. ‘I got it, I found it, I made it, I’m the best inquirer ever’. You see? So like this, to see; it’s very useful even to see ‘Who is the one that’s saying ‘I am using the inquiry now’. Who is this ‘I’? And to See that even this is the non-existent one

And by the way this does not mean that we are to drop the inquiry, because the dropping of the inquiry prematurely is also a conclusion which comes from the mind. So for a while it can seem very wobbly because ‘I had a path and now he’s taken the path also away from me, I don’t know what to do; but he said also said don’t drop the inquiry’. It can seem completely frustrating and confusing to the mind. But you can just stay with this and see what is happening now.

The dropping of this mental knowing of ‘What I must do’ is surrender. As you surrender to this not-knowing, not buying the content of our thoughts; continuing very naturally to inquire into ‘Who am I?’…, ‘Who is aware of even these words Who am I? …, ‘Who is aware of the thoughts which are coming in response to these words?’

So inquiry can be very, very pristine in this way, just a sincere asking ‘Who am I?’ Not as a practice but as a genuine questioning, sincere questioning. ‘I don’t know who I am but I am here. Who knows even that I am here?’ And with this kind of openness, this kind of wobbliness, some fear can come; the not knowing what to do next, this kind of fear. Just as you continue to remain in satsang, you find very quickly that these words which are pointing you to what you are, these pointers seem more and more clear. And you’ve not make a practitioner of yourself, you’ve not made a career-seeker out of yourself. You don’t know what is going to happen next.

So I’d be very happy actually next time when we speak if you can say what is your finding when you ask ‘Who am I?’ What is your discovery about who you are? What is your seeing about who you are? Not just how it moves your attention back away from the mind and away from the content of the world; the question was ‘Who am I? And although all the beautiful by-products can be there, the root of the question still remains: ‘Who are you?’

So if you sincerely ask this question ‘Who am I?’ including asking yourself ‘Who is asking the question, Who am I?’ Who am I? It just becomes so strong like this ‘Who am I?’ Not even taking on the perspective of the one who is using now this ‘Who am I?’

Q: Right now when I ask the question, all I get is just silence and it’s a peaceful silence. But then the silence gets disrupted with thoughts after a little bit and then that’s where it sort of ends. And I have to ask other questions about ‘Who is thinking those thoughts?’ And come back to the ‘Who am I?’ question. So, that’s where I’m at right now.

A: This is very good, this is very good. So, as you continue with this inquiry, we can also look together. We can do the inquiry also together to see whether we can come to the discovery of who you are, the recognition of who you are. Because often I say that there are two things which are happening in satsang. The first is the simpler thing, we can say, which is the recognition of who you are. And the second is the dropping of the false conditioning, the false beliefs that we carried about ourself. So my feeling is that very quickly, in a few satsangs as we look together, we will come to the recognition of who we are. And then it is just the old garbage which remains which needs to be thrown out; which will happen automatically as you remain in satsang.

Thank you so much for this beautiful interaction and welcome, welcome to satsang.

Q: Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. Thank you, love you, thank you.

‘Are You Aware Now?’ is Such a Profound Question

Q: Thank you. There’s some confusion over here because I was listening to some Rupert Spira and he was saying that the question, the phrase ‘Who Am I?’ is over-used. And he uses the term ‘Are you aware?’ He thinks that one is even more pristine and clear. So there’s confusion over here because I want to believe everything you say, [Laughs] and I want you to be right [Laughter]. I want you to be the final authority. [Laughs] And I also really like Rupert Spira and I find him very easy to listen to and very soothing.

A: Reminded me of, (sorry, just to pause for a second), it reminded me that in satsang one time it

just came up here: Ask yourself ‘Are you aware now?’ And then I said ‘I feel that this question ‘Are you aware now?’ is the most profound words which have come from this mouth.

Then very soon after that somebody sent me a video where Rupert was also asking ‘Are you aware?’ And I said that this is some sort of Divine coincidence.

Q: [Laughter] Oh, good. It came out of your mouth. Oh, good.

A: It’s not ‘Who said it first’ or something; it’s not about that. I’m just saying just I found that this came, and I found it was so profound. And also then somebody else sent these videos about also starting to ask this; maybe even before it came from here, (maybe long before, I’m not sure what the date of the video was). But there was a beautiful Seeing as to how this question was playing out.

And I would like to say that ‘Am I aware now?’…, ‘Are you aware now?’ is the most direct way in which you can find the reality of what you are.

It might just be that for the last couple of months we have not focused so much on this question. So what happened here is that there were these pointers which were coming in order like this. I would say that:

If you want to come to the end of suffering, (which is what most people who come to satsang would want), then I have a simple key for you, which is:

Don’t believe your next thought.

Then, what is the question that remains for many in satsang? They will come and say ‘Yes. I cannot suffer without believing my thought, and there is so much more ease here, so much less suffering here, but what about God? Can you show me God? And I say that, yes, I can show you God, by asking this question:

Can you Stop Being now?’

This Being which cannot be stopped, this Consciousness, is God, I Am, I Am that I Am, as God said.

And some of you, after that, might also say ‘Yes. But what about that which is supposed to be the Absolute? What is before I Am?’ (as Guruji [Mooji’s] book ‘Before I Am’.) ‘What is that Absolute?’ And I say that for this, I also have a very simple question for you:

Are you aware now?

You find that the answer just is ‘Yes’.

Did you have a phenomenal experience to confirm your awareness? No. You just Know that you are aware. There is a knowing of this Knowingness. There is an awareness of this Awareness. As Guruji says, it is the only non-phenomenal experience.

So, ‘Am I aware now?’ I continue to feel that it is the most powerful pointing that has emerged from here. And I find no dichotomy.

About Silence

Q: I was wondering about the silence. Does it morf into other things, does it spill into other things or does it always stay as silence?

A: Actually, silence also needs to be defined before we can share more about it, because ‘silence’ the word is understood by many to be different things. So let’s get the clarity of the definition of silence and then we can explore more about it together.

One is this phenomenal outward silence which is ‘I don’t feel like speaking, I don’t feel like interacting with anyone’. That is the verbal silence. Let’s call it that. Second is this quieting down of the mind. It’s the quieting down and the powerlessness of the mind. Sometimes it can be that the number of thoughts themselves, they reduce. And sometimes it is that the power that the words seem to have of the mind, that itself seems to reduce. And sometimes it can be both. So then it feels so quiet. This silence is one more silence. ‘Oh, the mind has become so quiet’. So like that. And the third silence is the discovery of the Silence that is Awareness itself, which is unmoving, no phenomenon, deeply silent, empty of all energetic constructs. This is the ultimate Silence. So, this Silence, which is your truest nature, this one does not move. This one does not morf into anything else.

Although we can say that the appearance of Consciousness is like the morfing of an aspect of it. But the mental silence, it can sometimes become mental noise again. The verbal silence can also become verbal speaking again. So these phenomenal experiences of silence are also coming and going, as all other phenomena is coming and going. But the Silence which is an attribute of your truest nature, the reality of what You Are, that Silence is unchanging.

Q: The experience over here is…, I don’t think it’s the third one yet, but it’s the mind; it’s really been quieting down. And the silence is really loud. Like, really loud. It’s like ‘Ahhhh! It’s so loud, the silence!’ I don’t know, maybe that’s the third kind of silence.

A: And you don’t have to worry so much about the distinguishing of which. I just wanted to define so that the potential for future confusion is not there.

So as you’re coming more and more in satsang, you’ll find more and more naturalness in the second silence. It’s like you had this one imaginary friend who pretended to be your best friend, and always chatting, always making interpretations and judgments about everything. Now it has gone quiet. You have lost your interest in listening to it so much, so it seems to have gotten a lot quieter. Sometimes it feels a bit strange. ‘This is just too quiet’. [Laughs] ‘Say something’. It could be like this. But we get used to this more and more; more and more to this sense of mental quietness, mental peace. And even if a lot of thoughts come, since they don’t have that power over you, mostly they will not disturb your silence. This silence will become more of the default state. But there is openness for mental noise to come. We’re not resisting the mind in any way.

You Are Not the Fear

She says that ‘I’m feeling so much fear inside’. This fear is appearing inside you. This inside of you, this you, which one is this one? Is there anything else except the fear? Take the mic, come closer. Let’s take the question. You say ‘There is fear inside of me. So much fear’.

Q: Some ideas of vulnerability.

A: These ideas of vulnerability. Fear is there. What else?

Q: The desire to be free.

A: The desire to be free. What else?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: All of that together?

Q: Yes. They’re connecting to some memory about [Inaudible]…, I don’t know about the future, but I don’t mind, in fact. [Inaudible] [Laughing] I am not afraid of you, I’m afraid of me. You know what I mean?

A: The mind is very afraid of the Truth, which is You.

Q: Yes.

A: So, all of this is there inside you. Even the vibration is there inside You. So this You, inside which fear is there, all these thoughts are there, the body is vibrating; how big is that You? Is it small, this small? [Holds fingers close] Is it big, this big? [Stretches arms out wide].

Q: I don’t know.

A: Because while we feel that I’m limited, as long as we feel that I am limited in some way through the boundaries of the body or something like that, you will feel that this fear can be too much. Once you see your Infinite-ness, once you see that you are boundary-less, all of this will just seem like small dots on a big wall.

But what I’m saying that this ‘I’ that is afraid does not exist; already. We don’t have to become nothing. The ‘I’ that is afraid is only the mind’s voice, and the mind is representing nobody.

Q: It’s difficult. It’s difficult to understand. [Inaudible]

A: So, all that I’m saying, (the mind will come and try to confuse it, but all that I’m saying), is that this mind, these thoughts, are representing nobody. The one that is afraid…,

Like you say, I know that the mind is not representing the reality of what I am, it is representing this phantom idea of what I am. You yourself say. This one that exists is not the one that the mind is representing.

Q: It’s free of these ideas.

A: It’s free of these ideas.

Q: And it doesn’t worry about opinions …, it doesn’t need anybody. Wow.

A: But this is what you have to get used to. In spite of the fear, in spite of the shaking, don’t now refer to the mind to make your report. Observe the urge to go to the mind, and allow the attention to go if it wants to, but don’t buy what it is selling; don’t believe it. You will not lose out on anything. Your life will not become terrible. All these fears are pointless. Let the energy of the fear play out if it has to, but don’t interpret even this fear. Whatever your mind is saying, it is not for You. It is not about You. It is only about the mythical ego, the mythical separation which never really happened. Everything …

Q: [Inaudible story]

A: Even to pick up this [story], you have to go to the mind? Or no?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: But You’re not label-able. It is not labeled as anything. The fear is there. You don’t know what it is.

Q: Yes, I cannot say. [Inaudible] It’s there just as an energy.

A: Better to not give any interpretation to it.

Q: It’s this fear of losing control.

A: Don’t even label it as a fear to lose control.

Q: But…, [Inaudible] [coughing]

A: Let the movement happen. Don’t label, even now. Let it happen. Let it come and let it go. Don’t label. This is what we’ve been doing throughout our lives. Someone comes in front, we label that. Some feeling comes, we label that. Some body sensation comes, we label that.

Q: [Long coughing fit]. I don’t know if it is mind playing.

A: No, let the energetic plays happen. You don’t label it as anything.

Q: But the shame comes…

A: Able to drop these labels? Or no?

Q: It seems too much or something.

A: You must be able to drop the label.

Q: [Inaudible]

A: The mind is nothing but a bundle of thoughts and similar energies. We don’t have to do anything. Just let it come and go. We don’t have to get to the cause of it. How will it help? How will it help to know the cause?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: [Silence] We can notice the mind’s tendency to label everything! Not just objects which are appearing to us outside; even what is happening with us we are always in a rush to label. ‘Well, this is happening here, therefore I must be not free. Or this is happening here, therefore I must be free’. Throw away the label ‘free’ or ‘not free’. [Silence] Without making the distinction of these labels, there is no separation.

Are you okay to exist without concepts…, to exist without concepts? This doesn’t mean that the mind will stop offering them. The mind can keep offering them. You don’t believe them. Throw away the dictionary and forget vocabulary. [Chuckles]

Look around you and See. Look around you and See how everything the mind offers a label for. Even the words it hears, it wants to jump in and add some value to them; add an interpretation or a confirmation. Even now, for many of you, what you’re hearing, it is going ‘Yes, yes. No, no. Yes’. [Laughter] We don’t need that stuff. ‘I really notice I’m liking this’. It doesn’t matter. It’s labeling everything, interpreting everything; and then the story starts. One thing…, you pick it up; it could be as simple as ‘I didn’t get his last point’ and then the story can start. ‘I didn’t get his last point. Yeah, actually now that I think about it, the last few weeks, you know…, maybe I’m losing it. I got everything I needed from here. Maybe it’s time to move on’. Just one thing! You bite into it, and it can lead to all of this story. ‘I don’t know when, but satsang stopped working for me’. [Laughter] That happened to anybody? It’s very normal like this.

You give the mind an inch and it takes a mile. It’s only waiting for the right opportunity. One doubt, one doubt can come like this, and it can take you all over in terms of your beliefs. Just like a Bangalore auto-rickshaw driver. The one time that you don’t correct the directions, then you will be sure that you will see half of Bangalore. [Chuckles] Once he knows you don’t know the way, then you’ll get home in two hours. Just like this.

So Rob has posted this nice animated GIF, which had this conveyor belt of chocolate, and it was from an old tv series ‘I Love Lucy’ where she stuffed her mouth first and then she’s collecting, she’s collecting in her clothes, she’s collecting all these things [chocolates] from the conveyor belt. That’s what we’ve been doing. We take one idea, stuff ourselves with that, and then we want to collect more and more and more concepts. And we feel like the concepts will give us something, that we will find some freedom in them. But to fill ourselves more and more with these concepts is not freedom.

I heard that Jesus said in the bible ‘Only the babes will enter the kingdom of heaven’. To me this means this innocence, this childlike concept-less existence. And the best part is that every moment you start like this: Right now, if you bring your attention to this moment, there is nothing. You are unburdened. So we don’t have to get somewhere. What’s happened is that we pick up this heavy basket of concepts, and naturally in every moment it slips through our hands and falls back down.

You are free right now!

The fear can come that ‘I’m missing something. I lost my basket’. But now, even if you look at the basket, even if you give your attention to your next thought, don’t pick it up! And you remain free.

You remain free. You have not become free. There is nobody here to become free. It is only God pretending to be a person, and God dropping the pretense. There is no way, even for God, to pretend to be a person without picking up the next thought. There is just no way.

How many of you are with me on this? There is no way for God or Consciousness to pretend as if it is a person unless we pick up our next thought. Is there any other way for the pretense to continue? I can’t see it.

So if this entire tree of conditioning is dependent only on our belief in our next thought, then what about the spiritual journey? The spiritual journey only applies as long as we are picking up these ideas. You see? And the so-called spiritual journey is excruciating if you’re doing half and half; if you’re distinguishing satsang and the so-called real world, if you’re listening both to the voice of the Being, the intuitive Presence, the Satguru…, and listening to the mind. If you listen to both then it can seem like you’re prolonging the spiritual journey.

Without Labels, Only ‘I Am’ Remains

This labeling, although it can seem like such an innocent concept, (‘I’m just giving it a name’), labeling actually is the root of all separation, because the Truth of what we are is un-label-able. You cannot put a label; although we try with words like ‘Awareness’ or ‘The Self’ or ‘The Absolute’. But truly none of these are sufficient to describe the reality of This ‘I’.

So if ‘I’ is the un-label-able One, and everything that appears is just a projection of this ‘I’, is an aspect of this ‘I’. Therefore this also ultimately has no name. Therefore it is the un-named One, playing as name and form.

Therefore, maya is called ‘this world of name and form’ which actually does not exist. It has no tangible reality. And the direct recognition and experience of this is what satsang is for.

So as we let go of the labels in this appearance, with that, we let go of the attachments, the ideas of ‘mine’ and ‘me’. The unburdening of all of these concepts is the end of conditioning. Because there can be no conditioning without labels. There can be no conditioning without the idea of ‘me’. Then only Existence remains; I Am.

And as this sense ‘I Am’ is Seen, then it is Seen that ‘I Am That’ which is prior even to ‘I Am’. It has no labels, it has no shape. And all this labeling was part of this video game called ‘maya’. Consciousness added the label, and now it seems to be done with it.

Therefore the dropping of labels is really important; we can say it like this. Because you cannot carry your labels and drop your identity.

Are You Free Now, or Not?

Q: Father, there was this beautiful urge for freedom the last little while, but the mind has kind of seemed to make a desire out of it, and now the mind is also throwing a fear that this freedom is very rare, and only such a few people come for satsang, and out of those few people who come for satsang, very few people can be free. So it’s almost like you are chasing something which is not going to happen. Also over here there seems to be much oscillation between ‘not believing your next thought, being in the moment, here and now’ and the other end of the pendulum which is ‘believing your next thought and suffering’. So in the last few days there seems to be this oscillation and because the oscillation is there, the mind is saying. See? Father says you can be free in the moment now, and I agree with you, but what about this oscillation? You know what I mean?

A: Suppose you didn’t add the ‘but’?

Q: Where was the ‘but’?

A: ‘You can be free now, I agree with you’…, [but…] [Smiles]

Q: Then what about the moments when I am not free. Father? [Smiles]

A: What about them? They are gone! [Laughs]

Q: So there seems to be a desire to not have those moments and only have the moments where I am abiding as the Self.

A: Okay, so forget about this desire.

Q: So forget about means what, Father?

A: Forget implies don’t give it any value, because you know it is just a thought. Did I say you will never have moments of identification? Did I say I never have moments of identification?

Q: But Father your moments of identification are wayyyyyy less than my moments of identification. [Laughter]

A: Yes, there is something to this, to what you say. So that will keep reducing.

Q: There seems to be this thing, Father, that I want it in this lifetime.

A: Yes.

Q: And for me, all this is coming up for the first time because I have never really…, and maybe I have spoken to you about this with you earlier…, since the last one and a half year, since I have been coming to satsang, it is not like I had an urge for freedom. I have just been coming for freedom. I don’t know why and how, etc. Every time you have asked ‘Are you here for freedom?’ there wasn’t like a ‘YES!’ for me coming. But in the last 2 months this huge urge has kind of developed, which is leading to this all these freedom kind of … So it seems the mind is now using freedom, to not have freedom.

A: [Smiles] If you allow this checker guy to continue a minute longer, I will come to Pune and whack you! [Laughs]

Q: [Laughs] Oh, Father I allow it! [so that you come to Pune]

A: [Laughs] Because very subtly, seemingly with humble desires, this one, [checker guy], if it takes root then it becomes a pain to uproot. So you say ‘So far it is not too strong, now it is coming’. Why is it coming now? Because you are having the recognition, you are having the insights about what you are, and you are resonating very well with the words that are being shared here. They are hitting home. So now this one will come and say ‘Oh but see it is supposed to be one in a million. There are so many who have been here longer than you. Who are you to get this? What makes you so worthy?’

It’s just about the Right Now. It’s only about the Right Now. It is only the mind which comes and says ‘But what about them? What about after satsang?’ It is only about Now! Resist the urge to make this meaningless-mind meaningful; just Now! It is enough for me! You are worthy! If Just Now, you don’t buy your next thought, you are 100% worthy! I don’t care what you have read, which masters you have visited, whether you know the difference between Consciousness and Awareness, whether you know both of them are one; all of this is I don’t care! If you can just see right now that ‘There is the power to give meaning, to give relevance, to give value, to my next thought, and I will not give to my next thought’…, it is enough for me. So ‘Forget about it’ only means allowing it to come and go! Don’t dance with it.

Q: [Crying] That is exactly what is happening, Father! Exactly!

A: These are first world problems, you know, satsang world problems. [Laughs] When we come in to satsang, it’s just like ‘I don’t want to suffer any more. I want my relationships to be better. I just want to be happy’. You see? Like most of humanity’. And as we see that we are letting these thoughts come and go…, ‘That is coming. I am not really able to hold on to suffering’…, then suffering comes through what? Then it comes through these first world problems: Freedom? Do I know Awareness and Consciousness? [Smiles]

Q: Okay. Thank you, Father.

A: You are welcome, my dear.

Without the Concept of Something Missing, There is Nothing Missing

Actually what leads to the biggest doubts is the sheer simplicity of this, because the mind will keep saying ‘Is that it? It’s just this? No… Either know that he is hiding something, he’s not giving me the full truth; or maybe he also doesn’t know it. I heard from some other Master that this happens, actually’. [Chuckles]

Our ideas about our freedom seem like they’re an obstacle to seeing the freedom that is Now. Just like our ideas about anyone that we meet seem to prevent an actual meeting as One.

So our ideas about anything are not helpful anymore, especially not helpful in the recognition of the Self; definitely not helpful in the end of conditioning. Conditioning is made up of just ideas.

Just Now, it is so pristine. We’re in the beginning of satsang; I can sense the mind also starting to warm up. ‘Oh, this is what he’s talking about today. Let’s come up. What do we have about this?’ So then it will start offering you ‘But, like this. But what about this?’ And if it feels to offer you things about this, what is being spoken then, it can offer you other things. ‘What about that email I was supposed to send. How is my family feeling?’ Something, something. And we’ve all seen this now; we’ve all seen this now.

And I feel that we’ve made it very simple here. Because I’m not saying that we have to get into some sort of a war with our attention. I’m not saying that. The mind saying ‘Don’t look at it, fight it’. But if you can do that, if you can just ignore the mind into oblivion, then nothing better. But that is also a prerequisite, because it is not just our attention which goes to these thoughts, it is also our belief. And we must all see by now; we must all contemplate these things.

What is the difference between attention and belief?

What is attention?

What is belief?

What does attention engage with?

What can belief engage with?

For example, attention can engage with objects. But can belief also engage with objects, phenomenal objects? Belief only engages with one type of object, which is thoughts.

So, we must be able to now discern between all these energies which lead to our seeming- participation in this realm as if I am a person. It’s not without effort that this can happen. So the effort is in actually picking up the ‘person’ not the dropping of the ‘person’. So once we start looking at these forces, attention, belief, intention, leading to identity, then we come to the core of what we are speaking about.

What is it that is here right now?

Who is here?

And my question is not to get you to label it very quickly, who is here. Just to label it ‘God’ because I say so is not helpful…, although it might be better than labeling it a ‘me’. Just the label ‘God’ is not it.

What is it that is here now?

[Silence]

Hasn’t this always been…, for any time that we can say ‘always’?

Isn’t that what is Here Now?

Hasn’t this always been…, without any label?

Without the concept of something missing, there is nothing missing.

The good news is that without the concept of bondage, there is freedom.

And without the concept of freedom, there is freedom.

Even with the concept of bondage, it is freedom, but it doesn’t seem like it.

But don’t activate that urge…, because the mind is now warmed up so it’s coming up with some stuff. So don’t activate that urge to believe what it is saying. This power belongs to You. Not ‘you-personally’. But belief is one of your primal powers, as God, as Consciousness.

So, that’s it then. Simple as that.

Without Believing Thoughts, Where’s the Problem?

Q: Yeah, Father, I just don’t feel like doing anything at all, and whatever I try to do requires too much of effort. I really don’t know what to do and my condition is deteriorating each day, and.., the people around are so worried about me.

A: So yesterday you said that ‘I surrender my power of belief to you’.

Q: Yes, Father.

A: What? Did you take it back or what happened?

Q: [Laughter]

A: Okay, let me speak about this for a bit, because it can seem like, for a while, as we are surrendering our belief in the mind there can seem like, for most of us actually, (it happened here also), that the interest in worldly activities, worldly socialization, worldly work, seems to reduce.

Even here for many months there was no sense of wanting to work, wanting to do something social; and actually there was very little concern about it also. But when I saw the family, my wife, my parents, they would come and say ‘So, what’s happening now? What’s happening about your work? What happened to you? You had so much fire for work. You did such a big conference before you went to Tiru. [Tiruvannamalai] Now is something happening? Are you sending emails all day or what are you doing on the computer?’

These kinds of questions were coming and that was being registered. So one day actually I wrote an email to Guruji [Mooji] and said ‘Thank you so much. Everything seems so clear but there’s no interest in any sort of work. The only…’ (and jokingly I was saying, half-jokingly actually I also said) ‘The only interest that seems to remain…’ (at that time, it’s funny now. I look at it), ‘The only interest that seems to remain is in watching cricket’. [Laughter]

Now actually that is even not so much; very little of that also. [Laughter]. At that time I wrote to him that ‘I don’t feel like working and that is what is happening, and the family is very concerned, but I am very happy right now’. So he said that ‘Tell Garima [Ananta’s wife] to trust that what is happening with you cannot be bad for anyone around you, it’s only going to bring Grace and auspiciousness in everyone’s life’. And he said that ‘This is a very natural way in which this happens, this seeming lack of interest in phenomenal activities’. Then after a few weeks, after this email interaction I noticed that just there was more life energy, more life force that came for work, but it did not seem like my work, it did not seem like ‘I have to do this’. It just became a flow, and things were flowing just like this, they were just flowing.

Just like we share satsang, put on the computer, join the hangout, log onto YouTube, read the chat messages, we hear what others are saying. So to the mind even this can seem like a lot of work, but it is not; it is just happening here.

To give responses to the mind can seem like ‘Oh you’re working for three hours every day, you’re sharing satsang’. No just like the questions are heard, the answers are also heard. So this sense of me doing something; that has gone. I can tell you that even the by-products of this; letting go of the mind, it’s very beautiful because the number of arguments in my marriage have reduced to very, very…, almost non-existent; which I thought it would be mythical to have a marriage and not argue. Now I see it is happening with so much more acceptance, so much more peace. Of course momentarily something can come. The relationships with my children, family, everything seems to be quiet, quiet, peaceful, quiet, going along on its own very beautifully.

Even with work, nothing seems to phase me. Got one project, lost one project, did something well, didn’t do something well; all of this does not seem to really matter so much. Same for my investing, some stocks do well, some stocks do not do well, ups and downs. It’s all okay.

So it is not that all the activities have stopped, but the fear, the greed about it, the doer-ship about it, the wanting of a particular outcome, the wanting to be right, the guilt, the regret, the remorse, pride…, all of this has fallen off.

Sometimes some of you might have this impression that we’re really hard-core or something. ‘No we just want you to suffer and let go of the mind and then your life will be terrible but we don’t care, we don’t care about it’. It’s not like that. [Laughter] Nobody would want their children to suffer, in any way, even in the phenomenal way, you see? Would I want you to have terrible relationships? Would I want your children to suffer? No, why would I? But I know that at the root of this is just this belief in our mind.

So as we let go of our belief in our thoughts, then all these by-products…, (which I don’t talk about so often because it becomes an expectation), but it is inevitable that you will be surrounded by the Presence of love, peace and joy without any concern about their coming and going.

It is not possible for those who have given up on their identity, on their mind, it is not possible, (at least it is unheard of), for that appearance to be not surrounded by the appearance of peace, love, bliss, joy. And they’re allowed to move about in their own beautiful way.

So nobody can say ‘I’m constantly feeling this love, constantly.’ If you’re constantly feeling it then you’ll stop recognizing it. Just like the taste in our mouths; we don’t recognize what it is. It seems like it’s neutral when we eat some sugar or some salt or some spice. But I’m sure that the sensors, if there was some taste sensor, it would not be there in the mouth naturally. It would have some taste. So, that which is constantly present, we feel that it has no value. So therefore the phenomenal play of love, peace and joy can continue.

The mind says ‘But this should become a constant. I’ve had the taste of it. Now this should stay and then I will give myself the Freedom certificate’. It’s not that. It’s only, only about the Right Now. Only about the Right Now. There’s only This Now.

So like you said yesterday ‘I surrender my power of belief to you’. Now don’t take it back. You see? Because when you surrender the power of belief, belief of the mind, then your intuition, the Satguru, comes and takes your hand. So if you want to make a journey out of it then give one hand to the mind and one hand to the Guru. Then you’ll be wobbling like this, like this; sometimes attracted to the mind, sometimes attracted to the Guru. Just like this, you’ll be wobbling on this journey. If you don’t want a journey, if you’ve had enough of all of this, then don’t take back the power of your belief. Because belief is given only to the false. The Truth does not need belief. That which Is…, does not need to be believed to come into existence. That which Is…, does not need the power of belief to come into existence. It is prior to belief. That which never is…, gives the power of belief to pretend to exist.

So that ‘Prachi’ which never is, relies only on the concepts you have about yourself. But that God, which You are, is not reliant on any belief. It just Is…, I Am. It does not need to be believed ‘I Am’. It needs to be believed ‘I am something’. But ‘I Am’ is prior to belief. Can you say ‘I am something’ without believing?

Q: No.

A: See, like this. So just ‘I Am’. You cannot even say ‘I Am not’ without a belief, because your natural state is ‘I Am’. So stay like this. Give it some time and you will find that all the by- products of this Freedom also will start showing up. But have no rush about that, have no expectation about that, and you will find joy in the strangest of places now, in the seeming mundane (to the mind), you will find the greatest joy. Because the mind has a habit of making everything mundane.

We can be flying in an airline so many feet above the ground; the clouds are under you. And for the frequent fliers that has become so mundane. We can be in a hangout like this, (which was not possible ten years ago), with apparent-Beings from all over the world, all continents, all countries, sharing together like in this one satsang. But the mind will also make this mundane. So don’t give it to the mind because, as my master says ‘It will put mud into everything’. But you will find joy, as you let go of this mind; you will find joy in everything. [Silence] So don’t make it a short-term surrender. You surrendered your belief yesterday; you keep it surrendered for some time at least. Then if you come after a few weeks and say ‘No, it doesn’t work’ then I’m happy to have that conversation with you. So then come to me and say ‘No, it doesn’t work. I didn’t pick up a thought for a few weeks and see there is no peace, I’m more confused’. Then come and say; then I’m very happy to look. Because you have come to this auspicious point where you said that ‘I surrender my power of belief itself to you’. Not even ‘surrendering my next thought’…, [surrendering] the power of belief itself. Then you cannot truly speak to me about any trouble.

Can You Walk Me Through The Inquiry?

Q: There’s this veil that I can’t pierce through and then there’s wall that I hit in the inquiry that I can’t seem to get beyond, so I was hoping maybe you can provide me, like, something…, to get beyond this.

A: Okay, Let’s look together for some time. Let’s start at this point which is familiar to all of us, which is the appearance of thoughts.

So just simply allow the next thought to appear.

Don’t be concerned about what it is saying.

Notice that you are aware of these thoughts.

And you are aware of the space between thoughts.

You Are.

Whether the thought is present or not, You Are.

Who Am I that is aware of thoughts,

and is aware when there are no thoughts?

Now bring your attention to anything that might be experienced. If you can’t find an emotion,

then bring your attention to any sensation which is experienced now.

Notice that you are aware of the sensation,

The sensation is not aware of you.

And whether the sensation is present or absent,

You remain.

Now notice the sense that ‘I am here’.

The sense that ‘I exist’.

The feeling of existence, that ‘I Am’.

Who am I that is aware even of this Presence?

That is aware of the sense that I exist?

The ‘I’ that is aware; what do I look like?

At what distance am I from this Awareness?

Without this Awareness, nothing exists.

How far am I from this Awareness?

What is most original to me, except to Be this Awareness?

Who Am I?

Am I that which is being seen?

Or am I the Seeing Itself?

Who am I?

What are my attributes?

Is there something about me that doesn’t come and go?

Who am I?

I remain as the witness to all that which is appearing and disappearing.

How do I witness mySelf?

Does this witness have a name?

Does it have a form?

Does it have any attribute at all?

Who am I?

If I am some-thing, I must have at least one attribute.

But I have no color, shape, size, name.

And I am aware, as Awareness Itself.

I am aware of the Presence of Peace,

Yet I am unconcerned by it.

I remain as the Awareness Itself.

That which is coming and going does not touch Me.

I remain as the Witnessing of that.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Who Are You Without Interpretation?

It’s only the interpretation which is causing all this trouble. If we keep adding more and more spiritual concepts, more and more spiritual ideas, they’re not bringing you peace.

Peace is here now.

I know nothing about lifetimes and things like this.

I just know that if the Self is real, if the Truth is here, then It must be here now.

If you don’t feed yourself any of these ideas, even the moods, they can come and they can go. Don’t be so concerned about the play of this body/mind.

So although the witnessed and the Witnessing are one, the Witnessing is That which is forever untouched by that which is witnessed.

Just like the yin and the yang, they go about in this beautiful play, round and round, but they remain untouched.

To see that you are the Witnessing, do you have to think about it?

If you have to think about it, then it is not a Seeing. Seeing is more natural than that. The recognition doesn’t need our thoughts.

Who are you, right now…, without the interpretation and the conceptualization of the mind?

Whatever You Are Becoming is Not You

What if we lost the ability to understand all words? What if all concepts started sounding so alien? What would we really lose? ‘Yak, yak, yak, yabba, yabba, yabba’. [Laughter] What would we lose? Just our basket of concepts. Would life stop?

What concept do we need to…… ‘Be’?

What concept do we need to…… ‘See’?

So, the spiritual concepts are just making you spiritual ‘people’. And it’s better to forget about it. If Advaita is making an Advaitan out of you, then better to forget about it. Because many things we have been; many roles we have played. We are tired of this role-play.

Whatever you are becoming is not You. If you’re becoming more spiritual, it’s not You. If you’re becoming better at something, it is not You. Because that which changes, is not You.

So what are we doing in satsang then? We are looking at What Is. It is not about becoming free, because that which can become free is not You. Because becoming anything, including free, implies that there is a change which is possible, in You.

The point of asking ‘Who Am I?’ is to See what it IS right now.

Who am I, right now?

And any conclusion we pick up about this is only our denial of What Is.

The Americans sometimes say that ‘If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen’. What I like to say is ‘If you can’t stand the heat, stay in the kitchen. Don’t run to your mind’. It seems hot for second, for a minute, for a while; this openness…, this aloneness…., this Oneness. It seems a bit wobbly, it seems a bit hot for a while. And to escape this heat, we latch on to the next thought, as if it is going to help us.

Just for a while, if we can stay open without any crutches, without the identity. We’re coming into this naturalness. The lightness of Being. You are coming to this point where believing the interpretation about life seems like too much hard work. We’re coming to our child-like innocence. Right now, You are the Unborn.

Stay in Your Direct Experience Now

You have come to the point where you’re able to see for yourself what is true and what is not true, what is here and what is just imagined, what is reality, and what is an interpretation. You have seen all this for yourself. Now you don’t need to pick up any more spiritual ideas.

Because what is happening is that something seems to be consuming these ideas and then making something frantic: ‘I’ve been going through all of this, it’s so much!’ And you can see that it is the mind that wants to be in a rush, rush, rush. It wants to be in a rush for answers, it wants to be in a rush to get somewhere, to know something.

Now, we can drop all of that, and come to this Right Now. And if we have to report something, then we can report directly from what is being Seen.

It is very important that we don’t get caught up in the web of words again. Because everyone will have a different form of expression, they’ll say different things and everything will become a big mish-mash in the mind. The mind is celebrating actually. The mind will be celebrating that.

So just allow all these ideas to just float past.

And you stay in your direct experience now.

Because I know that you can see directly now…, into what are just concepts, what are just ideas. And actually as you remain in this, then you’ll find that even the seeming-dichotomy in various expressions doesn’t seem to bother you anymore. It is seen as just another expression. You’re so grounded; as the wind is coming from the left or the right, if it is strong or weak, all of these things don’t matter then.

So, all these expressions of various teachers, of all of the various people who are sharing, they just seem like different gusts of wind. But you’re so rooted in your own Seeing, your own experience of what is true, that it doesn’t shake you.

If You Spot It, Then Drop It

Q: On the way home, I had YouTube on and I was listening to the beginning of the satsang tonight, (for me, tonight, for you it’s the morning), and you were talking with Robert. I was really tuned into what you were saying, and there was this arguing going on in my head while you were talking. I don’t remember specifically what it was, but every time you would say something and there was this ‘Oh, yeah, sure, right! I don’t think so’. The ‘doubter’. I guess it’s the ‘doubter’. There’s a real ‘doubter’ in me. And I’m exposing that, I guess. What I was thinking was at least I was hearing what you were saying, because sometimes when you’re talking and you’re laying out the Advaita, like ‘Here it is’ there’s some part of me that goes…, I don’t know where; like off to lunch or something. Like there’s this noise that starts, and I can’t hear. I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s like you’re speaking Martian or something. But at least I was hearing it. The data was yelling in the background but at least I could hear you enough to know ‘I’m hearing him…, and somebody’s yelling’. So I wanted to put that out there.

A: One thing I want to start with is this whole seeing that this ‘doubter’ is there, saying about everything that is being shared in satsang ‘Yeah, as if…! He makes it sound as if it’s cheese cake or something; so simple’. Like this. But it is important, it is very good that you are able to say that ‘There’s this voice in me which is speaking like this’…, which is vastly different than ‘I was saying ‘yeah, right!’ or ‘I was feeling like this is not true’. So already there’s a lot of space in that.

So many times, especially in ‘A Course in Miracles’ they say ‘If you spot it, you got it’. Of course, that’s used in a different context. But here, if you spot it, then you drop it. Because in the spotting of it, it is Seen as separate from the reality of What You Are. You See that there’s a doubter there which is speaking. You’re not saying that ‘I am doubting’. Already that is very beautiful. Because the identity with it is dissolving. Although it still might have some sense of power, that is reducing. It is no longer that strong, that powerful, that it seems like it is I.

So all these other attributes are the pretend ‘I’…, the doubter, the checker, the reporter, all of these. The same pretend ‘I’ have these attributes. And it’s very good that you’re able to spot it like this and say that ‘You know, earlier, it was so strong that as you would speak it would just seem like I am distracted or I am doubting everything that you are saying; therefore not able to hear. Today what was happening is that something was really hearing’. You see? That means it was being recognized directly. And yet the mind was trying to resist it by coming as the doubter and saying whatever. It can come up with any sort of doubt.

So, it’s very good actually. For me, it is a good report, that you are able to see that there’s this voice, which is the same voice playing in different roles; the doubter, the proclaimer, the reporter, the checker. All these are the variants of the one ego. And now you’re able to spot it as if it’s just a voice which is appearing, just like any other appearance. In that already, you see that You are not it. There’s a voice here which is claiming to have this separate identification but it’s losing its power, because you’re saying ‘I’m able to hear what you’re saying’. Something is

assimilating that. And yet there’s this ‘guy’ who keeps saying something or the other to get in the way.

Q: When I hear you, I feel happy to hear that you consider that progress. And at the same time, there’s this sadness that comes up.

A: What is the message with the sadness? Is it just an energetic sadness, or is there some story with it also?

Q: I think it’s an energetic sadness. And I’ve been trying to figure it out. I’m a therapist; that’s my job, right? [Laughs] I figure out my own issues. But I don’t think there’s a story connected to it; it’s just this energetic sadness.

A: It can be that something feels like it’s the end of the play of the mind or something feels like an end of an era of some sort; of playing as Lucia or something like this. So if it’s just energetic, best to just leave it to release itself. Just the same with joy. Just to let it come and let it go. Not to get attached to any interpretation of it.

I know I keep harping on the same point over and over again. (So that’s all I got; that’s the only trouble that I see. [Laughs] Actually, it’s not trouble.) But just that here, how it plays, is just very directly to look at the source of our pretend separation. And I don’t see it in energetic movement, I don’t see it in emotion, sensation, I don’t see it in the actions that are coming through the body; actions and reactions. I only see this pretense coming with this identification with the thoughts; the belief in the thoughts.

God’s Will or Free Will?

Q: Maybe you can point to some more clarity to this God verses seemingly-free will.

A: Already you say a few things that make it quite clear that the belief in this individual doership is dropping. Because you say that ‘I just wanted to hear the excerpt and there was no plan to do the inquiry or to sit quietly for an hour, yet I sat’. You say that the mind came and said ‘You better be getting up and doing it’ but the getting up did not happen.

So then what are we saying? We are saying that of course the mind comes and says ‘Do this, do this, don’t do this, don’t do that’ and there are many times where the ‘do this’ doesn’t happen; and some times that the ‘do this’ happens. In the same way the ‘don’t do it’ happens or doesn’t happen.

So the movement of what appears from here has its own way, irrespective of what the mind is saying. This is already seen in your report, isn’t it? Because the mind was saying ‘Get up and do something’ yet the sitting was happening. There was no mental plan to sit and inquire; and yet the inquiry was happening. So this much is already seen. Which is already pretty good. To see that even if there was something [inaudible] it is not purely a result of what the mind was saying. So this part is already seen.

Then the question remains that ‘Who is the one that is deciding to follow the thought or not?’ Free will implies that there is an entity called Ron or an entity called Ananta who is deciding, based on the content of the thought, whether to follow the thought or not. Now I am saying that there is no entity called Ron or Ananta. And mostly you are agreeing with me and this is the magic of this whole free will discussion, that it is more natural for us to see that there is no person than it is for us to see there is no personal doership. This is the trick of doership; which is that even after we see that actually there is no person here, there is no decision maker here individually, yet the sense of individual doership, individual decision making, seems to be so sticky.

So this one that is choosing to follow the content of thought or not is which one? That is what needs to be looked at. Is there a Ron there?

Q: Depends on what context. Sometimes I feel there is still a Ron.

A: Okay, whatever the context might be, who is this Ron?

Q: Just a bundle of thoughts, but in some context that bundle of thoughts is believed in.

A: Yes and who is believing it? Is Ron believing ‘Ron’ thoughts? If Ron itself is a belief then who is a believer? You see?

So you say that Ron is a bundle of concepts. Correct? As concepts are being emptied out, it is the disillusionment of Ron.

But who is believing these concepts to begin with? Is there a Ron to believe?

Q: It does seem like it is another thought believing that, even though that’s not really possible.

A: Yes, a thought cannot believe a thought. A thought has come and gone. It is not sitting here waiting to believe a thought.

So when we say sometimes in satsang that the ‘thought is believing a thought’ we are basically saying that the bundle of thoughts, which we have already collected, the pretend-identity that we are pretending to be…, through these thoughts, we picked up another thought to add to our basket of conditioning, our basket of concepts. But the thought is just this energy construct which has a message; it just comes and goes. It is not here to see the next thought coming and to believe in it or not.

Is the witness of the thought a thought?

Is that which has the power of belief also a thought?

Q: I want to say no, but something that comes up is when Guruji [Mooji] talks about also ‘The ego can pretend to be I Am’…, or ‘God says I Am, the Devil also says I Am’. So, the feeling, the answer is clear that only Being has a power of belief. But the feeling is that it is the ego, not the ‘I Am’ that is believing.

A: So what does this ego look like, that is separate from the ‘I Am’? Unless it becomes ‘I am something’ it cannot become the devil. The devilish-ness is only once we attach something to the ‘I Am’, and the only way to attach is for the ‘I Am’ to believe something about itself.

Q: The gap in some context is very narrow or small between the thought and another thought of the ego that is picking up some baggage, some memory. And then there is that sense ‘Oh, the second thought on the conveyor belt is looking at the first thought and believing it’. All that is observed but sometimes because the gap is so short there isn’t that space to internalize it, in a way.

A: So, let’s look at whether this is really possible, that a thought went past and while it is going past it is waiting for the next thought to see what is coming next and it decides to believe it or not. Just check if it works like this.

Q: No, but it is in the memory. So I don’t know if memory is another thought as well.

A: Okay let me take another example which will make this clear. If I tell you that ‘Ron, you are a terrible figure skater’…, does it matter to you? Figure skater, ice skater, whatever; does it matter?

Q: No.

A: If I say that ‘Ron, you have been in satsang so long, but I don’t feel you have understood anything at all. It has been a complete waste!’ …, does it matter?

Q: No. [Laughter]

A: Lying, lying now. [Laughter]

Q: I would still continue to come. [Laughter]

A: One doesn’t have any pinch at all and one has the feeling of something. Why is that?

So this is what you are talking about. To one who has the habit of identification is with ice- skating, if you were an Olympian ice skater and someone came and told you that you were a terrible ice skater, it would pinch. But because that has not been nourished, in your case it doesn’t. But if there is this seeker identity or someone who wants freedom who has been in satsang, and if something is spoken about that, then that seems to have a pinch about something.

So, this is somewhat what you are saying that still gets our interest in the thought that is coming. But it is not the thought of the seeker itself which is believing the thought or not. It is still Consciousness posing as if it is this ‘something’, the seeker, which then takes it on as an attack, or feels like something is not nice about this particular thought.

A thought is nothing but this momentary energetic construct. The sense of separations seemingly feeds on these thoughts, these energy constructs, and seems to become either stronger or weaker. That which we call the conditioning, the increase of the conditioning and the dropping of the conditioning, is just what has been fed; the attributes which have been believed about the ‘I Am’.

So, thought by itself has no power of belief. Only belief belongs to Consciousness or Being. To just to clarify that ‘I am God and I am devil’ example, it is just that once we take on this perspective of being ‘Ron’…, ‘I am Ron, I am like this, these are my attributes’ …, then we seem to operate from that perspective. All of our belief system seems to color our seeing of who we are. So if we can make it very simple; to say ‘I am…, anything’ actually is speaking as if you’re the voice of the false or the voice of the ‘devil’.

But even pretending as if ‘I am something, I am this or that’…, no actual person, no actual ego and no actual separation actually happened, isn’t it?

Q: No.

A: Did you lose me somewhere? [Chuckles]

Q: If I heard you then certain thoughts still trigger the conditioning, which is yet another thought. But the first thought that triggered the second thought is gone, it’s not there. It’s just an energy construct that triggered another thought. And the triggered thought is believed in, so it feels real. But it’s still only the ‘I Am’ that has the power of believing that thought. And yet all of that is within an appearance so there is no separation.

I’m kind of lost though. [Chuckles] How did we get here?

A: No, it’s very good; it’s very good what you say. So, is there something in this which you see differently?

Q: So, there is that conditioning of an expectation that certain behaviors would change…, or feelings, in this context. I don’t know if I’m explaining well, but there’s this thought that comes up with the seeker. ‘Okay, what do I do with this because there’s still that problem?’ ‘That problem’ being whatever behavior the seeker doesn’t like. So, ‘How do we remove that?’ and ‘This doesn’t help me’ kind of thing. You know?

A: So, let me take a story which might seem like a little bit of a digression but actually it is not. One day I realized while looking at a mirror, that a mirror, because it’s two dimensional, lies to you. When you’re looking at it straight then it doesn’t tell you how far your paunch has gone. So, we have to look at it sideways. [Chuckles] And we realize that when we’re looking at it sideway, this pot belly stands out.

So, let’s say that this extent of the fat that is already there in the body is the existing behavior or the existing conditioning. So, we say that ‘Yes, yes, all of this ‘not believing the new thoughts’ is not adding to the conditioning, but how do I get rid of the existing conditioning?’ So, how do I get rid of the existing fat? I’m not eating new fat, but how do I get rid of the existing fat? Just by not eating more fat. It is exactly like this; that existing conditioning can be there, the existing pot belly can be there, but the only way to let it dissolve is to just not intake fat. There is no need for an operation. Although we can say that every time we inquire into who we are, every time that we recognize in this moment who we are, a lot of this ‘fat’ dissolves.

And yet, actually even if it that is not happening, unless you are picking up fresh ideas, those patterns, those tendencies, vasanas, conditionings, whatever you call them are dissolving in their own way unless you keep nourishing them with new stuff. So although it might seem like ‘Okay, he’s telling me not to pick up new conditioning, but how does it help my existing conditioning? How are we getting rid of that?’ It is happening on its own. It cannot survive without your nourishment of fresh food.

Q: Could it be that an activity or conditioning repeats without you nourishing it?

A: It could be that the activity repeats, it can be that some energetic sensations come again and again, (whatever label we put on them), but without our nourishing the interpretation of them, they will not last.

Q: Yeah, it seemed that was also my understanding from the free will discussion that the activities and the decision points of seeming choice will continue but the problem, if you will, is only believing the interpretation that comes afterward by the mind, or before, saying ‘You have to make a decision’ or you see you made a decision or a wrong decision. But so long as those thought interpretations are not bought, the rest of it is completely fine.

A: Exactly.

Q: And the same with the conditioning. Even if the activity keeps going coming up, and for sure the mind, the checker, is going to keep saying ‘See, you missed it again’…, but if that is not bought then it’s fine. Because I think that is, or was, a sneaky way of the checker kind of keeping coming back in.

A: Yes. This is very nice that you spotted this also, because this is the mind pretending to be your spiritual guide. ‘You should have done this like this. You’re still not getting it’. Who made this one the spiritual guide?

Q: Who what?

A: Who made this one the spiritual guide; the mind? [Chuckles] Because it takes up that position also and says ‘See, you didn’t do that properly, what you’re supposed to do is this’.

The medicine that the mind offers up is more of the disease actually; than actually helping for the disease.

Q: The sense of doership is very subtle. It’s not the activity.

A: And I had great fun experimenting with doership. And I would suggest that all of you, instead of making it such a difficult-sounding topic and trying to mentally analyze it, play with it. Ask yourself ‘How do you move your body? How do you speak the next word? How do you decide to do certain actions? Who is deciding?’ Play with it like a game. And then it will reveal itself, that everything is just moving on its own. Don’t make it very serious. Just play. Move your hand; decide to move your hand and see ‘How did you actually move it?’ Irrespective of the decision, how did it actually happen? How did you actually move your hand? Who is the one that moved it? Who is the one that is speaking these words? Who is that one that is listening? Like a game, like a play; have fun with it. Who is the one who decides to have fun with it? [Chuckles] You see?

Q: Reminds me of a beautiful pointing that Rupert Spira had of asking ‘Is there anything that you know except for the Knowing of the experience?’ And that was kind of a mind-bender/twister, (what would you all it), for me initially when I heard it. But I kept pondering it. Something just sunk in since there is no substance, there is no object that I’m in contact with so of course, I can’t be a doer of anything. That it’s all just Consciousness. And yet, the feeling is still very usual, normal; I don’t know what to call it. But it’s a beautiful pointing, that there’s nothing but the Knowing of that experience, of whatever experience is happening. All of the sudden, you’re moving. Like I went swimming. There’s just the bubble of seeming sensations that I associate with the body but I can’t say that I know how to swim. Or do I know what water is, and …., [chuckles] …, where is all of this happening? But it’s happening. And there’s a Knowing of that happening. And so all of that must happen within the Knowing.

A: Look at that! How beautiful. Very good. This is very beautiful.

Another way to look at what you said is that this body is just this bundle of flesh, blood; basically all the food that we’ve eaten, then Who Is That who is moving this bundle of flesh and blood? Is it part of this flesh and blood?

The ‘me’ which says ‘I will do this and I will do that’…, how does it interact, at what level does it interact with this body of flesh and blood? Is it flesh and blood somewhere? And if it is also made up of flesh and blood, then why don’t I find this ‘me’ in an operation; in a surgery? Who is this ‘me’ that is moving this body of flesh and blood?

Then the idea can come ‘Oh, then I must be the brain then. The brain is controlling the movement of this body. So, this brain, this flesh, called ‘me’…, if I’m just a brain then how does it matter what my bank account is and how my relationships are?’

We can really look at these things and say ‘Okay, if I’m the doer and I’m moving this body, then from where am I controlling this body? How is it? Am I sitting inside the head somewhere? To move this bucket of flesh and blood, do I need to be flesh and blood?’

I feel these are very beautiful contemplations and experiments and my only advise would be don’t make it very serious, don’t get too serious about it. Have fun with it. See how the hand is moving, the words are appearing. Then it doesn’t feel like frustrating, depressing. It just feels like ‘Oh! This is my fresh experiment today. This is my fresh experiment today’.

Q: Thank you.

A: Thank you, my dear.

Acceptance of This Body

Q: You just picked up on something that’s been happening here as well and things like this. I feel like this one’s game of transcendence is huge identification with looks. I can already feel all this energy… [Exhales]

A: So, for this identity, what is the nightmare scenario?

Q: I feel like it’s already been played out.

A: I see. [Chuckles]

Q: This is going to sound terribly arrogant, (even though it wasn’t believed at the time), but looking back at pictures this physical form used to be very pretty and attractive and was in an industry where it was all to do with looks. Yeah, extreme self-hatred was going on at the same time so it’s such a paradox. But then, after being at Sahaja there was all this complete disassociation with the body; covering all the mirrors and completely just ‘Letting myself go’. I cleared out that fear of being unattractive and saying that ‘I’m really fat’. But now recently there’s this coming back into accepting the body. But still there’s this…, still there’s this thing about…, because even you’re doing your exercise thing and…,

A: Yes. Supposedly. [Laughter]

Q: It looks like it.

A: That’s good [Laughter].

Q: That must come from something inside saying ‘I want to get fit’ or ‘I want to…’ And it’s just here. I don’t know how to describe it, Father, it’s just, I really don’t know, but I just feel like it’s just such a strong ‘yuck’.

A: I’m very happy that you say that ‘There is more acceptance of the body, but not acceptance that I am the body’. Then we are seeing more and more that ‘I cannot be this body’ then there can be also an acceptance of this body. So very often I take the example of the car; that now I am not the car but it’s a beautiful instrument, so why not to maintain it?

It is body association, the idea that I am the body, which leads to ideas like ‘If I am free now then I should not have to maintain this body’ or ‘This body is not…’ It is saying ‘I am not the body’ but there is still some smell of feeling like I’m the body.

So as you’re now recognizing so clearly that ‘I cannot be this body and this body is just this harmless instrument, just sitting about not doing anything, so, so innocent’. If the sense is coming to see the contours of the body and to say ‘Okay, I better go for a walk’ there’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t lead to the identification that ‘I am the body’. It more feels like this gift that has been presented to me seems to be getting out of shape so maybe it’s good if it runs

about for a bit. There’s more lightness about it, there’s no sense of guilt saying ‘Oh, I haven’t gone for a walk for many days’. So it’s more like ‘Oh, I have to wash my car. Today I was a bit lazy to wash it. Okay, tomorrow’. It’s more like that. [Inaudible].

So keep going as you are, the recognition of who You are, then also in the sense of neutrality what needs to happen to care for, or not care for, this body will happen on its own. The minute we start activating the one who is trying to figure out how to take care of this body then we are again activating the false.

Q: I think it comes up as, like…, it’s this fear of judgment from others which is so ridiculous. But it’s coming up and it’s so funny because I can see it happening. [Inaudible] Sorry I don’t know why I’m speaking…

A: No, it’s okay.

Q: I feel like I’m not judgmental about other people’s bodies, in fact I love natural bodies, just my whole life I’ve been bombarded with LA type [Los Angles]…,

A: LA type means all very…, you mean made up?

Q: Yeah, made up, very glamorous, that whole lifestyle was where I was. But there’s acceptance of how others are but still not for this form; I’m identified, this character. I was saying the other day that actually this is an amazing transcendent game of it; to accept this body, but it feels really in the thick of it.

A: Because it is most likely you will find a time where all this conditioning was being gobbled up, either from the environment you were in or what our own mind was saying, where it came from. It must have been, (sometimes you can say it is), past life conditioning also but mostly what I find is that even in this lifetime, if we look back we will find that this was eaten up, you see? Like Tiramisu or something, just eating up this conditioning about looking a certain way, projecting a certain way, talking a certain way, dressing ourselves up a certain way. So all of this must have been gobbled up at some time.

So now when it appears on the conveyor-belt it can come with all that again, isn’t it? Something appears, something triggers it and just like this. What to do about it? Just nothing, just the same way; allow it to come and go and you will find that as you’re not even engaging in…, you’re just, ‘It’s nothing’. ‘It’s not my problem, it’s Father problem’. That’s the simple way to do it, to say ‘It’s my Fathers problem’.

The difficult way, or the seemingly more difficult way to do it is to bring it [Inaudible] to be perceived in this way. Find the one who doesn’t want to be seen as ugly or fat or whatever. And in either we are dropping this fresh conditioning and that which is old conditioning cannot survive forever without this additional nutrition of fresh conditioning.

So what is the thought that still can get you? Let’s expose that as a first step.

Q: You’re fat.

A: Okay, so ‘You’ll become so fat’.

Q: No, no. ‘You are fat’.

[Laughter]

A: So, watch it now, it’s coming, this thought is coming, ‘You’re fat, you’re fat’. What’s happening?

Q: Right now there isn’t anything; it has no bite to it, there’s no thought, there’s no emotion attached to the thought.

A: Because it’s not the right opportunity for the mind to play this card,

Q: Yeah.

A: It’s in satsang, it’s here; there’s nowhere for this to land. But it will keep waiting for the right time. It’s just like guerilla warfare, sometimes the mind is like that. When it knows that it’s losing the battle, one on one confrontational battle, then it just goes and hides. Guerilla warfare; just wait for the right opportunity to come then it starts shooting up. It’s just like this, you see.

But here some faith, some devotion can come and say ‘So much has been dissolved, so much has gone. Even this is my Fathers problem to take away’.

Q: It’s just come now, can we look together?

A: Yes, yes.

Q: So, it’s of a memory. Okay, so there will be a feeling in the body that’s like a rising up towards the face and then then mind will say ‘That it is a feeling of disgust’.

A: So a feeling in the body and the mind is interpreting it, interpreting it as disgust. And then?

Q: Then more thoughts like…, It’s just the mind…

A: Saying that ‘You’re so fat’.

Q: ‘You shouldn’t eat so much, this is your nemesis, you’re never going to get over this one. Why don’t you just starve yourself again’.

A: These sound like old friends.

Q: Yeah, not old friends but old…,

A: Ones that were believed. Let me have all of them. [Silence] If you were fat, ugly and free would that be okay? Or not?

Q: That would be great.

A: Then what’s the problem?

Q: I think, Father, also what it is, is just that this one’s life has been so involved around what it looked like that now there’s not that element so much and its feels…,

A: What you were in the movies or what?

Q: No, just modelling.

A: Ah, right.

Q: But even before I was, there was always this drive to look good. So I feel like now that that’s

not in this life, it’s a loss of identity as well and think that that’s….

A: So the model has gone but she’s still getting postcards from her friends ‘Okay all this is fine but just make sure you’re not eating more than you should’ or something?

Q: Sorry, Father.

A: It’s okay.

Q: It’s just, this is such a huge chunk of the identity; it’s just ridiculous. And there’s always been manipulation or seeming-manipulation of the body in order to push away the feelings of disgust or…,

A: So you said it was coming now. Still there? Or has it gone?

Q: What?

A: This feeling of disgust. Just see if you cannot push it away when it comes, see what it looks like. It’s rather fun actually. It might sound a little trivial but what happens when an illness comes, a disease comes in the body, these feelings of disgust, regret or hate, any of these feelings, (at least I find that) it’s a beautiful, fun experiment to see that when sickness comes in this body, just to see this darkish sensation pulsating here. Just trying to make room, just to watch the play of that, there’s great wonder here about those things.

There’s no sense about being closed to any feeling. If sickness has to come, let it come. I enjoy watching it. If pain has to come, let it come. There will be some joy even in the ouch. Any of this. And as we allow this, then we find that it loses its power over us.

All this self-image, conditioning that ‘Oh, you’re being so disgusting’ and ‘You should be another way’ is a voice that you believed in the past so now it tries to play up again just to retain the sense of personal ‘I’. But just allow all of this to happen. Don’t say that ‘I should be over this by now. Why isn’t it done for me yet?’ And one day you yourself will come and say that ‘It is nothing, the mind was making a mountain out of a mole hill’.

[Silence]

You are That to which these bodies are coming and going within a blink of an eye lid. Millions of bodies you have experienced and millions more will be there for you when you want to experience them.

[Silence]

What is the time when you felt most disgusted with yourself?

Q: I’m just remembering back to the time when I was like sixteen and just so miserable and starving the body so much, and so much self-hatred and I thought it was all about how skinny I could be, and that was the minds game. ‘The skinnier you will get be the happier you will be’.

A: Now look at that sixteen year old, and was there anything disgusting about her?

Q: Just this mind.

A: Just this mind. Actually the mind is not even so disgusting, it’s just a comedian you have taken very seriously.

Q: Father, I think what makes it so painful is after experiencing this body as just pure love, and then to be suddenly feeling those feelings of disgust again towards it. It’s just such a contrast to know who I really am but to be feeling just totally the opposite. It’s like there’s no access to my Truth, there’s no access to that even though I know it’s there.

A: Okay, so is the feeling of love what You are?

Q: No.

A: So, if that which you are is neutral to whatever feeling is arising, then is the idea that ‘I’m experiencing the opposite of what I am really am’…, can that ever be True? If you are neither the feeling of love, neither the feeling of disgust, You are just that attribute-less Awareness, then does it matter which feeling is coming and going.

So the mind is using these things as bench marks to say ‘Oh, just now you’re experiencing so much love; why is this disgust back? You must be falling back into something’. Actually all of this must come up so it can be released. You see? Although I say very simply there is great power in saying ‘It is going’ rather than ‘It is coming’. It is not that the feeling of disgust is coming, it is that the feeling of disgust is going. Anyway, whatever the feeling is, how does it matter to you? So in this, maybe what is revealing itself is a sort of attachment to feeling nice or love or something.

Q: Yes.

A: Even that must drown here.

Q: Something doesn’t want to give that up, though, because there’s been so much suffering and now there’s so much bliss.

A: So, you will get into a tug of war with me about that one, and I know I will pull you in on it, in the sense that if you say ‘I don’t want to give up that one’…, but I’m pulling at it, I will take it away from you one day. Because if there is an attachment to feeling a certain way, even love, it is still not original, authentic to you. If Consciousness wanted to experience only love, then it would not create the contrast.

Q: [Sighs] Thank you.

A: Good. Very good. Then we remain unconcerned about which feeling. We don’t even label anything love of disgust or peace of whatever. It is going, merrily we are rowing our boat, whatever is coming in the water is coming; it’s okay.

Good, it is very good.

The Reality of You is Unaffected

It is natural for the mind to be reacting in this way. You say that it’s creating a lot of restlessness. All kinds of doubts will come, all kinds of things will come. It will say ‘I Am’ is also like this; ‘I Am’ is also an illusion’. Yes, but from which perspective? Not from the perspective of the one who says this.

From the perspective of the mind, the ‘I Am’ is all there is. It is the father from which this mind comes from. So this ‘son of the barren woman’ [as you call it] will not truly be reporting this to you, except as some intellectual knowledge.

So if you See, the denial of existence comes from two perspectives. One is an intellectual perspective which is ‘I know I don’t exist because I have had those moments of recognition’. But it is not coming from the Right Now. So if you’re having to rely on some past moments of recognition to report that ‘I don’t exist’ then it’s better we forget about it.

See if you exist now. And then we will come back to that same place of clarity. You will see that the sense of existence also is Seen. And that which can See this, is unaffected by this. And because it is unaffected by this, from that perspective we can say that this ‘I Am’ is not real because I am untouched by it.

Don’t let the mind come and become the Advaita teacher, because its only job is to confuse you and distract you.

In this moment, I know that you can check and See that all of this is not really confusing you at all. The reality of You, (you say yourself even), is unaffected by the Presence of Consciousness.

So, let the mind do its dance. Let it jump around, throw all the tantrums it wants. You remain as you are.

In fact, you always remain as you are, and you know it.

So I refuse to believe you when you say you are very confused because I know that you’ve had moments of great clarity. And right now, if you chose to See instead of buying these thoughts, you’ll see that you’re free from this confusion anyway.

How Would the Self Leave the Self?

We are here, right now. That’s it, actually.

[Laughs]

When we look at this, just See: Here I Am.

Don’t go with the interpretive mind. Don’t interpret these words and fit them in to your conceptual framework. If it’s easier for you, then just know that I’m not speaking the truth. Just know that it’s just some gibberish and just hear it like that. But hear it. And see where it is pointing, if anywhere at all. The minute I say something like ‘I Am’…, mind is trying to put some evaluation even in this. We don’t need that.

How do you know that You Are? Do you need a thought to Know that You Are? Do you need an emotion or a sensation to Know that You Are? To Know of your existence has been prior to thought. Before the next thought comes, You Are. And this attention that is going on objects, is it reporting back to You? Or to something else?

So, this, we’ve become too enamored with what our attention is bringing back to us, without looking at who the ‘I’ is; to whom the attention is bringing back content. Because instantly the mind comes and says ‘Oh, that is nothing. I don’t find anything’. Do you realize how funny that is? ‘In checking for the ‘I’, I don’t find anything’. Checking for the ‘I’…, I don’t find anything. So who doesn’t find anything?

So, we expect the ‘I’ to be an appearance; we expect the Self to be an appearance. That is why we run around looking for the Self. Otherwise how can it be that we say ‘I’ve been searching for 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, 50 years, and I still don’t find the Self’. ‘I… don’t find the Self’. So which one is this one that doesn’t find the Self? You see? So there is an idea of ‘I’ and an idea that the Self will be some sort of an appearance. But Who are You in reality that lost the ‘I’ and now wants to find the ‘I’? If you’re looking for the Self, you must have lost it, isn’t it?

Why are we looking for the Self? Just check. What are we looking for? [Silence] Who is it that’s looking? Is not this one the constant, the eternal, already? So that which we cannot lose…, to that we have giving much value. And that which seemingly we cannot find, seems to get all the meaning. What does this mean? The one that our mind represents, that one we cannot find. But that gets all our meaning. ‘I must be that, because this voice is speaking as if it is must be that. Thoughts are representing that, so I must be that’.

So tomorrow you start getting somebody else’s thoughts; then will you become that one? Who are you before your thoughts? Do you cease to exist? Then you will never be able to report that there is some space between thoughts, because you will not be there to be aware of this space. So now you can check. The thought comes, the thought goes. Before the next thought comes, there

is a space. But you still exist. You are aware of the space between two thoughts, in the same way that you’re aware of all appearances coming and going.

Don’t play with what your mind is reporting about this. It’s complete nonsense; nobody’s interested in it. So just check. What I’m saying is that everything is appearing and disappearing; but are you also appearing and disappearing. These thoughts, our emotions; happiness comes, sadness comes, joy comes, grief comes, bliss come, regret comes. All of these are coming and going. Pain comes, pleasure comes, pleasure goes. In the outside world, relationships come, relationships go. Who is it that remains? Who is it that remains?

So if we keep confusing ourselves to be the victim of these appearances without really checking…, if we want to play the presumed victim, then nobody can stop us. Who am I to stop anyone anyway? I can only speak from what has been seen here. It has been seen here that all of these appearances are coming and going. Yet there is I that remains. You know of the coming and going of all appearances. You don’t need your thoughts to witness these comings and goings. Who is this one? And if we stay with this, this looking, without clutching for any concept about it; even if the concepts from the mind are coming, if we allow them to just come and go, then the recognition is Here Now.

The Self that we’re looking for never left. It cannot leave. Because how would the Self leave the Self? How would the Self leave the Self? Then, (like we were saying on Facebook the other day), then, who got left behind to go and look for it? Who is looking for the Self? If the Self left, and the Self has to be found, then who is to do this finding? That’s why the term Self- Recognition; to recognize what is Here Now.

Without any crutches, without the support of any thought, without being concerned with any energetic movement. Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t presume it is about anything else except the question ‘Who am I?’ All that we say in satsang is just to go to this moment of checking, of looking and of recognizing who You Are. And the only seeming distraction are our own thoughts. No appearance, no emotion, no sensation. Not even the appearance of thoughts can distract us; it’s only our identification with them, our belief in them.

Maybe one day there will come a time where everyone will wonder ‘How is it, in this world, 2016, everyone used to believe themselves to be that which never existed?’ Maybe. And to see that everything I can believe is not Me. Anything that I can believe is not the reality of ‘I’ because ‘I’ doesn’t need any concept. The core of the idea about this is the playing as avoidance of the truth. We make a conclusion about this, completely premature.

If there are some thoughts that seem to get you over and over again, then you don’t let them hide. I’ve suggested to all of you in satsang, you get a notebook, you write down the top thoughts; top 10, top 3, whatever the number is. Write them down. Because sometimes I meet some of you and for years you’ve carried the same beliefs. Know that whatever you are believing is not true; not

necessarily because it is not appearing like that but because that which you’re presuming yourself to be when you’re believing a thought, does not exist.

So I feel like becoming a bit of a school master in this. I want all of you to get a notebook. And you write down: top 3. Really getting to it. Inquire into your beliefs, say ‘Who’s is this?’ If it’s about relationships, if it’s about freedom, if it’s about body; whatever it may be about. Inquire into it. And you also know the seemingly-most popular infliction now in the sangha is ‘the narrator, the interpreter’. So, because it has been inquired into about the body, it has been inquired into about relationships and money and freedom, then the mind is falling back upon just constant commentary. ‘This is happening, this is happening; it’s not happening; it’s happening like this; I’m going through this, I’m not going through this; this is happening to me’. You see? If it is happening to you, then you don’t need the mind to report it. It’s already happening. You know it, isn’t it?

So, what I’ve been calling ‘the checker guy’ has become like a big infection; maybe it’s contagious or something. [Chuckles] Just let it go. You don’t need this checker to check. And the same checker then plays the narrator or the reporter. Who is this one who is that checking? Who is the one that is reporting? On who?

Then we can see that neither the progress we’re making for freedom nor the state of relationships in this life nor the concerns of our financial security and the state of the body; none of these we need the input from this mind. Neither the practical nor the truth; we don’t need this mind for anything. As long as we keep using this mind, then you keep pretending to be this mere person of flesh and bones. God doesn’t need these thoughts. So this narrator, this checker, this reporter, who needs it? Nobody.

And the mind, you know, it hides. It hides behind our specialness, our arrogance. So shine your light on it, with full integrity. Expose to yourself, at least, what are the lies that you still presume about yourself? And as you keep looking at these, as you keep inquiring into them…, the idea is not to go to psychotherapy with them. The idea is to expose them and throw them away; expose them and throw them away. I feel that you’ve been in satsang now long enough to just discard. And then you will find that this idea of person seems to get more and more transparent. There will come a point very fast where you will not be able to find any attributes which you can say truly about yourself.

Especially throw away all your spiritual concepts. They are also a burden. And then when all spiritual concepts are also thrown, very naturally Spirit itself will use your body, your mouth, your hands, of Its own expression. It is not the spiritual concepts which will make you spiritual, but they will only make you the spiritual ego. And as you allow them to go, you will that only Presence is functioning in this realm. [Silence]

So true self-exploration then will just be about exploring that which is false, and throwing it away. The finding of the truth, therefore, must only be the dropping of belief from the false. Because, you see, the truth, by definition, is not coming and going.

Have no patience with the mind now. Finished! Finished! Enough stories, enough ideas. Don’t pick it up. If an angel from heaven comes and tells you ‘Pick up your next thought’ don’t pick it up. [Laughs] Whatever it might be saying, don’t pick it up. That’s it! Right now. Don’t even pick up the thought ‘I am going to do this’. We’re not going to make any spiritual progress; this is not about progress.

If the truth were like this, you know…, [lots of noise and interference as someone coming into satsang hangout left their mic on]

If we keep going like this, half-satsang, half-mind, then it could be 10 years that we are like this; watching on hangout, You Tube. And then after 10 years, what will you say? ‘Ananta was such a useless teacher’. [Chuckles] ‘I’ve been there for 10 years, and still I’m there’. I’m just trying to provoke you out of some lair that you seem to get into. [Silence]

The mind will continue to interpret your experiences. And let it go about doing whatever it wants. If you find that you picked up something, then throw it away. If you say ‘I can’t throw it away’ then you write it down. But don’t let it hide. Don’t let it linger. That is why it is waiting for the right opportunity to come up and get you again. You see that at least to be able to say ‘I see you trying to play this trick with me’ goes a long way in the dropping of this conditioning. And the trick will be only about one of these 4 or 5 topics; it doesn’t have anything fresh.

In fact, I feel that for most of you that have been in satsang for long, if you’re coming with a question, if you’re coming with a report, then also I want to hear from you first ‘What did you find in your own contemplation about it?’ Because we must come to a point where we are breaking out of this Arjuna our mind-set, the seeker mind-set and seeing ourself the embodiment of this [Inaudible] One. It is not arrogant. To say that I am separate is arrogant. Then let’s see what still gets your belief.

After carrying the intention to let everything come and go, after exposing it in Your own Light, after inquiring into it, if something still gets your belief, then burn it here in satsang.

What are you still believing about yourself?

This That Is Aware, Is It Separate From Awareness?

A: So Bhagavan [Ramana Maharshi] and [Nisargadatta] Maharaj both have used this term ‘The I-thought’.

Q: Yeah, yeah.

A: So actually, instead of using the term ‘I thought’ I feel it is easier to use ‘I Am Presence’ which also Maharaj uses very often. So, that’s why if I asked you ‘Can you stop being now?’…, can you stop being?

Q: No, I can’t. No.

A: You can’t stop being?

Q: No.

A: [Laughing] Why not? Just for a minute, you can do it?

Q: No I can’t. I’m like always there.

A: Yes, okay, very good.

So, if this Being can’t be stopped, what is it that cannot be stopped? This Being. Which meant what? Why can’t you stop Being? Because you experience your own Presence, isn’t it?

Q: Yes, yes.

A: So this Presence is the root of all other thoughts, you see? So, this is the sense ‘I Am’ on which ‘I am this, I am that, I am man, I am spiritual seeker, I’m smoker, I’m not a smoker; all this can be attached to this sense ‘I Am’…

Q: Yes.

A: You see? But who is aware of this sense also; this Presence?

Q: Me…, obviously me.

A: Yes. So this ‘I’…, this me that is aware even of this Presence, what does that one look like? What are the attributes of this one?

Q: Right now I can only…, like you know when someone asks me this question I can only feel silence. And I know if I try to give answers, before, but like whatever answer I give, it is not true. That’s for certain.

A: Yes. So don’t worry about the answer so much. I am more concerned about the looking. Who is aware of this Presence?

Q: I exactly don’t know who is aware or what is aware but I know that there is awareness.

A: Very good. How do you know this?

This is actually the final question I can ask you.

You say ‘I know of awareness’. How do you know of awareness?

Q: It’s just awareness which is always there …, since…

A: Is there an awareness and a ‘me’?

Is there a ‘you’ and ‘an awareness which belongs to you’? Is there a ‘you’ which is separate from this awareness?

Q: No, no.

A: So what you’re saying is that you are aware and the ‘I’ that is aware is Awareness Itself. Right or wrong?

Q: Yeah.

A: You see? So, let me make it again simpler for you. Are you aware now?

Q: Yes.

A: Yes, so ‘This’ that is aware, is it separate from Awareness?

Q: No.

A: Now, what did you want when you said…

Q: I said…, I asked ‘How can I witness this ‘I thought’? Because always…

A: But now we’ve gone beyond that.

Q: No. no, [Laughing] I don’t know if I’ve gone beyond. But what exactly is the practice of self- enquiry? And everything that I do; things which I emphasize the most? And one is being aware of this ‘I’ feeling, you know; this ‘I Am’ feeling all the time. And the other one is surrender. So, these two things are the only doubts which I have right now, in a sense. Like when I do my practice, I do it but I don’t know if I’m doing it right or not. Like for example I ask ‘Who is talking right now?’ I can see a gap which is appearing in the mind. Okay, mind cannot really answer the question ‘Who am I?’ I feel it’s like a trap. The question itself, I feel like a trap sometimes.

A: Yes!

Q: You know, there is this gap in between….

A: It’s a mind-bypass actually. Not just a trap. The question is one of the rare questions which takes you beyond the mind because the mind has no hope of answering this question. You see? So when we did the enquiry together just now, you say that ‘I am this Awareness which is aware even of Presence or I Am’. Now speak from there. What doubt remains for That One?

Q: I can only experience silence when you ask that.

A: Yes. And this ‘I’ is which one? You keep picking up this ‘I’, which is which one?

Q: I don’t know.

A: You see? So, don’t pick this one up. It’s just an idea.

It’s not even imagination because you don’t even have an imagination of this ‘I’. It’s just a presumption, you see. There’s a presumed ‘I’ which means actually in reality it does not exist. The reality of what you are you’re able to inquire into and you see ‘I am this Awareness’. Is there anybody else here? Is there a Neel which wants freedom? A Neel which is trying to use inquiry or trying to use awareness for some personal benefit? Does this Neel actually exist?

Q: I don’t know what to say.

A: [Laughing] It’s not again about what you report. These questions are just to provoke you into looking for yourself. You see?

Q: But Anantaji, I just want to ask…, when we are, for example, when we’re really practicing it, what happens is we really don’t have such gurus like Ramanaji, Ramana Maharshi understood. Now they show ‘Okay, fine. If you practice, you’re doing on the right path’. Okay?

A: Yes.

Q: What all we have right now is we have this set of ideas which is philosophy-feeling, intellectually, (whatever it is) which I trampled for a very long time and I let all of them go [inaudible] and there is something which is called like the method or the practice which we talk about that is holding onto this ‘I Am’…, like in just say ‘I, I, I, I’ and then point to the thought. So, what happens is as philosophical theories and everything, I’m looking for the ‘I’. You know? If I’m practicing; for example like I’m looking for a method for someone to say ‘Okay, fine’. ‘Okay, Barry, whatever you are doing is right’. It’s like ‘Okay fine, okay. You are actually holding the ‘I’ thought right now’. Because as long I practice, there are extreme like states of bliss and everything, I completely agree. But I don’t really know if I’m doing the right thing…, if I’m really…, I don’t know if actually I am giving attention to this ‘I am thought’ or some other stupid thought which arises in mind, which I am thinking as it is ‘I Am’.

A: Yes, so let me ask you a question which is going to be the most important one in this

interaction: Do you want to be free or you want the right practice?

Q: I want the right practice so that I can be free.

A: But if I was to say that you can be free now and then you’re free to practice whatever you want, does that sound good or bad?

Q: It sounds better.

A: [Laughing] Then listen to what I am saying very carefully.

Q: Yes.

A: Because what happens in satsang is that everyone comes with a check list of what they want. You see? So someone says ‘I want peace, I want joy, I want bliss’. You come saying ‘I want to have the right practice so I can be free’.

What I want to tell you is that it’s not about what you think you want. You say ‘I want practice’. Others say ‘I want joy, I want freedom, I want bliss’. I don’t have any of these things to give you but I can help you look for who is this ‘I’. You see?

Q: Yes.

A: This ‘I’. We can find it now. The end of all this trouble. Otherwise you can be a great practitioner; for the next fifty years you can practice, you see. It doesn’t help. The whole point of all practice is to bring you to the recognition of who you are. So if you need to find who this ‘I’ is, the ‘I’ must be here now, isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A: Why must I have to practice for ten years before I can find the ‘I’? If the ‘I’ comes after practice then it cannot be the Truth because the Truth must always be here. If the Self is real, if the Truth is true then must it not be here now?

Q: Yes, it has to be.

A: So don’t believe any idea that you cannot find it now.

Q: Okay.

A: Don’t even rely on any joy, bliss; all of these are by-products. They’re in service to your Being. You’re not to chase them, you see. So if the Truth is here; if the ‘I’ is real then it must be here now. That is why we ask the question ‘Who am I?’

Now don’t worry about what the mind’s answer is. You find out who is witnessing; never mind the mind’s answer ‘Who is witnessing your own Presence?’ That’s why I asked you ‘Can you stop being?’ You say ‘No, being is here. I am aware of it’. Then I said ‘Who is this ‘I’? Is it separate from Awareness?’

Now were you answering from memory or a mental idea? Or were you checking and answering?

Q: No, no I’m telling about my own…, from my own experience what I’m telling is. I mean…

A: Tell me from what you see now. Who is this ‘I’ right now? [Silence]

Q: It’s just the Awareness.

A: Just Awareness. Is this Awareness free or bound?

Q: It…it’s free.

A: Now try to become the person. Try to become Neel and show me. [Laughs]

A: This Awareness; convert it to a person; make a person out of it. Can you do it?

Q: No, I can’t.

A: Can’t do it. Then if that one that wants freedom cannot even be born then what’s the trouble now?

Q: Nothing.

A: You see? So, if you recognize that ‘I am this Awareness’ then this is the recognition of the Self.

And I was saying earlier that it is not necessarily that those who’ve had this recognition of the Self end up free from their conditioning. So, for this ‘end of freedom from this conditioning’

I will give you a practice. [Laughter]

Q: Yeah.

A: The practice is very simple: Don’t believe your next thought.

Q: That’s your last sentence? My next thought is now your last sentence. [Laughter] [Silence] I get that.

A: You see, because when you check you find ‘I am this Awareness’. I cannot become Neel. Even in the appearance of this body and this life of this body, I cannot find a ‘me’. Because this body doesn’t want freedom. The one that wants freedom, I cannot find. Therefore this non- existent one seems to have a representative which is our mind; which is our thoughts, you see? But I recognize that ‘I am not this one. I am Awareness’. So why must I believe this representative of the non-existent one?

Now what happens is that there are two forces which work on these thoughts. One is the force of attention, the second is the force of belief. All practices are trying to get attention under control, you see; be it mindfulness, be it trying to stay with the sense ‘I Am’ …, everything is trying to control our attention. But attention is a very naughty monkey; the more we try to control it, the more it wants to run, you see?

Q: Yes.

A: The ego identification, identification with the false, is not possible just with our attention. We also need to give it our belief.

Q: Pardon me, please repeat it.

A: Yes. Identification, or to pretend to be the ego, is not possible just by giving attention. We also need to give it our belief.

Q: Okay.

A: Without believing your thought you cannot pretend to be Neel. If you want to see God pretending to be a person, believe your next thought. That’s all you have to do. You see? So, all we have to do to be free from conditioning is to not believe our next thought. Because a

recognition of the Self because of our simple self-inquiry has already happened; and can happen anytime we check ‘Who am I?’ You See that ‘I am this Awareness’.

Therefore the only thing needed, as Bhagavan said ‘If you still feel like you have a choice, (like if you feel you have a choice to do some practice), then make a choice not to go with your thoughts’. It’s what Bhagavan said, you see. Now what I found with this is that many would come back and say that ‘I’m so frustrated because I let go of some thoughts but I still buy some other thoughts. It’s so troublesome’.

So I made it even simpler. I said: Just don’t believe your next thought.

It is enough because the tree of conditioning cannot function without you pulling at the branch of the next thought.

Q: So just…, I have to just stop believing whatever the thought is.

A: Yes. Allow them to come and go. Don’t resist them. Just like the Zen Master said ‘Through one door let them come, through another door let them go. You don’t serve them tea’.

Q: Okay. Yeah so, just I want to ask you this last one thing, is that the one who is observing these thoughts? Is that the ‘I thought’?

A: You can say like that; that the witness; the phenomenal. Okay, let me try to put it simpler. The one that tastes a fruit and perceives the taste of the fruit is the same one that perceives the thoughts. So all phenomenal perceiving is happening through our Presence.

Awareness knows of this perceiving, but it is not even phenomenally perceiving; it is just Aware. All phenomenal functioning, including phenomenal perceiving, is a functioning of our Being or that which we call the primal ‘I thought’…, ‘I am-ness’ or the ‘I-Om’, whatever you call it, whatever label you use for it.

Q: Okay.

A: I usually don’t use the term ‘I-thought’ because it ends up confusing many.

It’s much easier to say ‘I Am Presence’ or as Bhagavan used to say “I-I”. The ‘I-I’ is the ‘I am Presence’, and… [Ananta’s daughter appears to ask Ananta something and then leaves.]

This is another appearance!

You see? So this ‘I Am Presence’ has also been referred to as the primal ‘I thought’ which is the route of all other ‘I’ conditioning. When we attach things to ‘I Am-ness’ then that becomes conditioning, you see.

Presuming to Know What’s Going On

So, there’s been a lot of discussion yesterday, I saw, and this morning on Facebook about the noise in satsang. And I feel like we’re one family, so I feel that there’s nothing that we must hide from each other so let’s maybe bring it up for some discussion.

I just wanted to talk for a few minutes about this topic about noise in satsang and how it’s become too noisy and things like this. And I feel that we must look at it in two ways, because there’s some reports which I really enjoyed hearing, and some which I didn’t enjoy so much (I have to be honest and say). The one I that I enjoyed…, I enjoyed Azhar’s the best actually; he said ‘Father, the audio set up in the room is like this, where the mic is like this, so if you’re using the internal mic from the Mac [computer], the sound from the room also feels like it’s very close and it is being projected to the rest of the world’. Very practical, no judgment, just clear that this is a practical issue and this is what we can do to resolve it. So like this. And some had suggestions that maybe we had an area that is not so audible through the mic, and things. So I enjoyed hearing these practical suggestions about what could be done.

The second aspect is this aspect that I really wanted all of us to contemplate together, which is this aspect of presuming to know what is going on. And I’m not pointing fingers at any of you, I’m just saying that generally it can be a mind tendency to say that ‘Yes, this one is just asking for attention. Either he or she is not getting enough attention so she’s just faking some noise so that she gets attention from me, or she gets attention from you’.

But do we really know this? Or isn’t it just another presumption from the mind? And even if we know this and someone is actually faking it, then do we know what is the best solution for them? Do we know whether the best solution is to be at the satsang or to come closer in satsang? We don’t know any of these things.

So what I felt to share is that I understand the practical aspect of it, and who doesn’t want to come to satsang and hear sound which is crystal clear? I understand this. And of course we haven’t been able to achieve that objective. [Chuckles] Not meant to be like that. But the second aspect that I wanted all of us to be able to look at is: What is the thing that we presume to know? Do we really know what is happening? Do we really know that there is no such thing as energetic release? Do we really know what is the best solution in either case; if it is an authentic energetic experience or a [inaudible] seemingly-fake experience? Do we really know [inaudible] any of it? Or is it the same old functioning of the mind which says that ‘I love my brothers and sisters forever, unless it’s inconvenient’?

So, we must be able to look at these things and just not to blame anyone. Of course, I’m sure that if I was in a sangha I would also want it to be very quiet and things like this; I understand that. And we’ll look at what’s practically possible, like Azhar has suggested some solution to this where maybe I put the mic back; I realized that once I left the mic, the in-room sound was coming a lot more. I didn’t know that it’s bothering all of you so much actually. I just presumed

that it’s my loud; that because it’s facing this way, my voice is the loudest. I just presumed that. But essentially that is not true. So, these practical things, of course, we can look at.

But let’s not be so quick to jump to conclusions and say ‘I know why this one is doing this’ and ‘They have no consideration for me and the rest of the sangha’. Do we really know any of this? And even if any of it is true, how do we know that it’s not better for them to come closer; make all the noise they can for a few satsangs and then get over with it? We don’t know.

I don’t know the answers to these things, but I do know that happens here is of Love, is the will of my Father. Some of you went so far as to say that ‘Okay, I can’t be in satsang anymore because it’s too noisy. I can’t be in satsang anymore because it’s too noisy’. And somehow that came as a surprise to me; and every time I read something like that it is a surprise to me because in my case, I would have gone to satsang if it was happening in a coal mine or a fish market. I feel that if Guruji [Sri Mooji] was sitting in a crowded marketplace surrounded by food vendors or fish sellers, I would show up every day.

So, I want to say that I’m not neglecting the practical aspect of it. In fact, if I had known earlier that it was so bothersome and I was not audible, we would have tried to render some experiments with the mic soon, and would figure how to sort it out. But I feel it’s also a great opportunity for us to explore this tendency to judge, to explore this tendency to presume to know what is going on.

If would give me great joy actually if you would say that ‘Practically, it’s an inconvenience and something here doesn’t like it’…, (I appreciate that, of course. It’s very natural not to like it), ‘and yet I send all my love and blessings to my brothers and sisters; and I don’t know what’s happening with them, to be honest…, but I send them all my love’.

The Only Choice is to Not Go Along with Your Thoughts

Q: So I had some confusion come up recently and I need to, I feel called to get it resolved. I actually have two questions but I’m going to start with the one thing that I’m pretty confused about, and that is, you know, when you…, let’s say you’re trying to figure out some practical issue, (and that’s not the only place where this came up), like whether I should quit my job and move on to do something else or something like that. I’m getting to the point where, I’m not sure, because there’s always two voices; one telling you to do one thing and one telling you to do another thing. And the inquiry doesn’t seem to work really well there because you don’t know which voice to trust. And then today too, like, I was going for a walk and suddenly this insight, (what felt like an insight), came that really ever since I started walking on this path, the only thing that I really can be sure of is that I don’t know anything. [Laughter]. But then I started wondering if this wasn’t …,

A: [Laughter]

Q: What was that; sorry?

A: [Inaudible] Are you sure you don’t know anything? Not even this you can be sure of. [Laughter]

Q: Right, right, that’s exactly right. And then I was like ‘Is this really an insight or is this my mind telling me that I don’t know anything?’ So that’s the question. I don’t know if there’s any voice in there that’s trustworthy anymore. [Laughter]

A: [Laughter] Yes. As long as it is not clear which voice is the Satguru voice or the intuitive voice, then drop both of them. If it is hard to distinguish which is the voice of my mind and which is the voice of my intuitive Presence, the Spirit, the Satguru, whatever word you want to call it, then it is better to drop all voices. Because your intuitive presence is not in a rush, it is not expecting an outcome right then. I know that the mind poses, (sometimes very effectively, in fact very authoritatively), as if it is your spiritual guide or your spiritual master. In fact, especially after you start coming to satsang, the mind will start taking the words of satsang and start saying that ‘This is what you must do. Now see, you’re believing your thoughts. You’re not supposed to believe your next thought’. The mind itself starts playing as if it is the teacher, you see.

Q: Yeah.

A: You’re completely right that there comes a time when it seems a bit indistinguishable between the voice of the mind and the voice of the Presence, the intuitive Presence. So it is best in those cases to drop both of them. Don’t go with any voice, don’t believe anything it is saying and just see that life continues to unfold in some way or the other.

And then what might happen is that as you stop believing any voice, you’ll find that this intuitive sense becomes stronger and stronger. But the funny thing about intuition is that as it gets stronger, our interest in trying to control our life in practical matters also reduces. [Chuckles] So, so I can’t actually imagine going to the Satguru within and saying ‘Father, what to do about my job?’ You see, that interest is not there.

Know that whatever is moving is happening through His will anyway, His grace anyway. And then you’ll find that as this intuitive voice becomes stronger, you’ll not be able to make use of it for anything seemingly personal. See that it’s here just so that it can share this Presence, share the words of satsang and point all those who come to your Presence to the truth of who you are and who they are, which is one.

So that’s a bit funny about this, that as this intuitive presence becomes clearer, more obvious, more natural, you’ll find that the interest in trying to control the movement of the flow of your life and seeking guidance about what your next step should be actually reduces. So, you find that…,

Ok, I’m going to share something very candidly with you. I know that without a doubt that this intuitive Presence knows the future. I know that without a doubt that this intuitive Presence knows the future and sometimes it gives you glimpses of it and things like this. But I cannot find it here ‘Please tell me what’s going to happen tomorrow. What’s going to happen about this?’ I just don’t have that. I find it very funny when I hear reports about, you know, people predicting. Saying ‘This is what the future will be like, this is what you must do’. Because here I just don’t have that sense. It sort of feels like the sanctity of the Presence here is broken if I go to it with some sort of personal request and personal ideas. And just this also, the personal fear about what’s going to happen here, (about money or relationships or the body); the sense of fear about it has gone. It does not seem like this concern about what is going to happen to this body, or to the mind, or to relationships is here.

So as you go through this handing over of power from the mind to the Presence, you’ll find that, we wish that we had a voice which could tell us what to do and what the future will be like; but when that presence becomes strong, that interest in wanting to know what to do and what the future looks like itself starts to diminish to a great extent.

Q: So, so until this intuition deepens like you’re saying, should we, practically…, would say that just going with any course of actions and just trusting God and just saying ‘Okay, this seems right’ and picking one and not getting caught too much in a mental space. Is that sort of what you would recommend?

A: Yes, yes, this is what I would say just to make it simpler for you. It is exactly what Bhagavan also said, which is that as long as you feel like that you have some choice, as long as you are still believing that you are the doer of your actions, then make the choice not go along with your thoughts. That is the only choice you have to make.

So, when I say ‘Don’t believe your next thought’…, actually it makes all of this quite simple. At least that’s how it seems here. I know that it’s been reported that it’s not that simple. [Laughter] But it feels here that as long as there is a sense that ‘I can do something, I have some choice’ then the only choice I have to make is to not believe what my thoughts are saying.

Everything else is moving on its own. And in this just letting go of the next thought, you’ll find that this concept of choice-making and doership itself starts to lose power. So all you have to do is not believe your next thought; no matter what the situation is, no matter what the world is expecting of from you, no matter what you don’t know…, whether you’re going to go into your job and say ‘I quit’ or ‘I’m going to stay for 10 years’. Guruji also shares this story isn’t it? Where his supervisor at the college or school came to him and said ‘You have to do this, you have to do this’. He just found his mouth moving saying ‘I quit. I can’t do this’. [Laughter] He was wondering ‘Where did that come from?’

Q: Yeah, yeah.

A: So life always moves in the way it is meant to move. It is the presumed choice-maker, presumed decision-maker, which is false. And in believing our next thought, we take on the role of this presumed decision-maker, imagined decision-maker. But you’ll come to the discovery that there is no such thing! All of this world is actually one movement of Consciousness. The entire world is one movement of Consciousness.

There is also a law in physics that every time you change the energy level of one atom, the rest of the universe has to adjust itself energetically to that change of energy. So, every atom is interrelated, co-related. So, imagine that if you just warm up your hands a bit, you’re changing the edge of the universe and every atom between here and that. So, this physical realm is…, (even physicists are coming to similar conclusions as Advaitans actually, to say that) all of this is one energetic movement. Just like there is one ocean with seeming waves and when the wave is going up and crashing against the rock and things…, You say ‘There is no wave, there is only ocean. But ‘I am crashing against the rock. What do you mean there is no wave, only ocean?!” But the discovery comes that this is Oneness; the One Being, One Consciousness that is moving.

Avoidance of the Spiritual Ego

Q: There’s been a lot of contemplation happening around feelings in the body, feelings of separation. I’ve been like letting them be there, but I just wanted to look with you to make sure I’m actually doing the inquiry properly. Because I’ve got to be honest; I just come and sit, and your Presence engulfs me. And so that’s why transcribing is so good because I see what you’re saying. But can we just look together and…,

A: This is good. Before we do that, I want to tell everyone that if any of you ever feel like doing something, (like many times I get these messages about ‘Can I send you some money, a donation’, or something like this; we don’t need any of that)…, if you want to do something I feel that [you could] take on the transcribing of some satsangs. Because you will find that as you start transcribing…, many of you that have reported back ‘I didn’t hear what you were saying’. I think transcribing is the best seva. If you feel like doing something, some seva, I recommend that for yourself. Any of you, take on transcribing. And in the presence of satsang also, I feel it’s very beautiful seva.

So you said that there’s this sense of separation. [Inaudible] Now the sense of separation is the feeling of energetic sense. And what do you mean by separation?

Q: So it’s a feeling in the body, and then the thought ‘I’m located in the body; you’re over there, I’m over here’.

A: Yes, so let’s find the ‘I’ that’s located in the body. So this boundary of the body is dissolving and the other sensations are there, and where are you watching them from?

Q: [Silence] There’s this…, trying to look at the question but I can’t give an answer.

A: Mm, that’s good.

Q: The mind is still there.

A: Yes, but the mind which is thoughts, these words, which are sounds, the sensations in the

body, the seeming boundary of the body, all of these…

Q: It’s like I…, sorry, sorry. Carry on.

A: Yes, go on.

Q: No, you carry on.

A: All of these; are they appearing in one space? Or they are separate spaces where all of these are experienced?

Q: It’s one space.

A: Just one space. In this space, what are the boundaries of this one?

Q: It’s like all the sensations and the mind are experienced in this space,

A: In this space, yes.

Q: And the body isn’t…, there’s still an outline but there’s no allocation to a ‘me’ being in this body,

A: Yes.

Q: And it’s like your voice is in this space which is everything, but still there’s this…, sorry, I’m feeling really dizzy.

A: It’s okay.

Q: There’s still this sensation…,

A: Yes. And this sensation, is it hurting this space in which it is appearing?

Q: No, but it’s a sensation, it’s like a driving force that’s pulling the attention back to the mind and what it’s saying. So there’s an awareness of the attention, and the attention is going to the mind and it’s chatter, and then that’s correlating to feeling, which is supposedly inside this body, which makes me feel allocated here, and your voice there, but I know it’s not true, so…

A: That’s exactly what we are saying; this primal urge to refer back to the mind. So let that also be. Because if we try to fight with our attention it gets very difficult. Just let it go to the mind, let it say whatever it wants to say, but you let it just come and go. And what’s your truest position?

Q: Aware of attention.

A: You know even of this space, isn’t it? Don’t try to understand it; just it’s much simpler than that. You know of the space? Or does the space know of you?

Q: I can’t say that I’m anything but it. But not, I don’t..,

A: Yes. Let’s look. This is very good. So you say ‘ I am the space’. These are Gods words, ‘I Am That I Am’, in which all appears and disappears. But is the Knowingness of this, (we know we are not talking about any concept with this), does the Awareness of this…, is that also to be found in this space?

Q: It is this; the mind is so strong saying ‘You can’t speak these words’. And the experience of what’s happening is that to put it into words is so much judgment going on about ‘You can’t say this’.

A: You expose everything the mind is saying.

Q: It’s just… ‘Everyone’s going to think you’re just making it up, everyone going to think you’re just saying what you’ve read, what you heard, what you think you’ve got to say’. The mind is saying all of this.

A: So, if everyone thinks that, so what?

Q: Yes.

Q: We don’t even care what our own thoughts are, how does it matter what others thoughts are? There’s some conditioning there around this…,

Q: Judgment.

A: ‘Everyone’ and ‘what we think of you’.

Q: It’s so funny how now I’ve just shrunk back into this personal role again, it’s like.

[Laughter]

A: Even now we are not the personal role, we are still the watching of all of this. That has not changed. That can be another mind trick where the mind says ‘See? You went back to the person again’. Did you go back to the person? Who is it that went back?

Being is just Being. In this one space of all phenomenal experiencing, all of this was there, and you know this. So whether it’s like this, [Shrinks into a ball] or like this, [Expands hands outwards] change is only within the being itself. It’s an appearance within the Being itself which didn’t expand or contract. The Knowing of it definitely didn’t change.

A: Can you locate yourself within this space?

Q: [Silence] Sorry, it’s just like…, [Sighs] it’s so true what I’m experiencing. But the moment I try to put it into words there’s it’s like this contraction into ‘Don’t say that, you can’t say that, it’s not for you to say’. And then there’s like this pull back into personal identity, and it’s like…,

A: It’s the conditioning of trying not to be arrogant itself.

Q: Yes, [Sighs] and it’s so beautiful, and then the mind comes and it’s just contraction. [Laughing] And I’m laughing now because it’s funny that this is happening, this play; but it’s annoying to be pulled back into this contraction.

A: And this is why it’s important that we don’t believe our thoughts, because even in all of this, nothing happened to Awareness. It remained unchanged, isn’t it? Therefore the whole point of satsang is to bring an end to this conditioning, which Consciousness itself is believing itself to be. So, because you have nourished this tree of ‘wanting to belong’ or ‘not seen as something special’, or ‘try to be humble’ or something like this, it’s like a remote control that pushes this arrogance button. The moment it pushes it, it’s over. What do you think will happen if you say something arrogant?

Q: Well, I think it’s probably because when I hear someone proclaiming to have seen the Truth, it’s just this taste, it’s like a bad taste, of just like, (and not all the time but when it’s not genuine), there’s just this this bad taste of ‘What are you trying to prove? Just be quiet’. And although…,

A: So now you want to live up to that same expectation you set up for others.

Q: Yeah, because I know how annoying it is. It’s annoying when other people are not speaking…,

A: Even that is a good button to be pressed?

Q: Yeah.

A: What is it that annoys you if someone comes and proclaims that they’re Free, or Awareness? Is it not True what they say?

Q: It could be True.

A: [Laughter] Is it that that is less True, ever, than what is otherwise reported which is that ‘Oh I’m still the person, I’m still getting there’? Does the Truth become less True whether recognition is there or not? Because it can be the sense that the mind will want to attack and say ‘No, you haven’t got it. What are you saying?’ It can be like that, you see?

Q: I think what it is, is that the spiritual ego is so distasteful to Witness in others as well. It’s just like, I don’t know.

A: This is very good that you’re able to expose this because, I know it will come across as a bit harsh, but it is distasteful to what?

Q: The sense of person.

A: So what happens is that we can spot the color red and the color blue; but if the color red is distasteful then I must have some idea about it.

Q: Yeah, and it could only ever…, it could only ever be distasteful to a ‘me’…,

A: To the spiritual ego itself.

Q: Yeah. [Laughter]

A: I was leading up to soften the blow a bit. [Smiles] Because when we explore what is finding an expression, (even if it is fake), that is coming in another, why is it not being treated as another part of the play? Why are we finding so much distaste in it?

Q: Are these buttons just going to be carrying on? [Laughter] The more I get rid of, the more comes up. And the only option is to just not identify. But then things are bought up that there’s no…, I’m identified before you can snap your fingers.

A: It’s not so bad actually, because we have taken a lot of time and belief and effort to create all this, to plant all these trees.

Q: Yeah.

A: And it can seem like ‘Oh the planting took maybe millions of years but the uprooting should happen snap, snap’.

That’s why I say it’s very important to get rid of the misconception that the recognition of the Truth is the end of the so called spiritual journey.

Because many of you, all of you mostly, have come to this recognition. So when now, in a minute when you check, it’s clear to you that ‘I am this Awareness’. And yet there’s still power in these ideas. Because to Awareness, nothing was distasteful; to Being also it is not distasteful. And it is great Grace that these things get exposed so then we can look at them, check on them then throw them away.

The point is not to interpret this in any way except in the way it is meant. So the only purpose of my pointing this out is to see ‘Okay, this one’s still there’. Okay’. [Gesture of throwing away] But many times what happens is that we start interpreting it, then we say ‘Oh this is still there. What else is there?’ We add on more conditioning and then it becomes complicated. So I’m taking out and you’re adding more. So this is one of the basic tricks of the mind: ‘Will this finish? There’s so much…, I don’t…’ [Chuckles]

Q: Just such a huge thank you for just pointing that, after the realization. Even then the mind says ‘Don’t say that, don’t admit that you’ve….’ Wahh! God, sorry, it’s so strong.

A: Actually, usually when we find something else is being projected outward in another, it is our own self-doubt, our own fear of being fake. If we don’t have that fear at all, (of being arrogant or fake or whatever), then you will not be able to judge another in that way.

Q: But, yeah, what I’m trying to say is just thank you because there was such spiritual belief, conditioning around ‘Once you’ve had that realization, then that’s it’. I don’t know why, no one told me this. It was such a belief that was so strongly believed.

A: Actually, it’s very prevalent in many spiritual paths that the recognition of who we are is the end game. But when we check, we see that ‘Yes, moments of recognition can be there’. But I am not saying that always it comes to the end of conditioning [just] because a moment of recognition is there.

Q: It just feels like, before, I couldn’t come and express these personal trigger points that were still lurking inside for fear of ‘Oh no, I’ve got It wrong. I’ve got to sit here and you know only abide, otherwise I’m doing something wrong’. There was this fear to expose that there is still conditioning.

A: And what happens is we get very attached to our recognition and then we want to defend it.

Q: Yeah, yes.

A: So what happens is that we don’t want to share what’s happening, (not you; I’m speaking generally), we don’t want to share what’s happening because ‘I hope he doesn’t start talking’. So if I’m exposing then it feels like ‘Oh, there’s a fear that this, this which is so clear, should not be doubted. But even that fear is just the spiritual ego trying to hang on to that recognition. But I have to say from here that for me actually, a moment of recognition is not a big deal. And I feel that for many of you, if we sit in inquiry together, you will see this. It is very, very natural. This ‘surgery’ for me is more important.

Because what happens if this ‘surgery’ is not done then something gets stronger and stronger; attached to our moments of recognition, and wants to then create a framework of thoughts around this itself. You see? But you yourself are spotting that there’s so much specialness and judgment which can be used to create this, all these spiritual concepts. So that’s why it is very important to remain in satang; maybe for quite some time after many moments of recognition also.

So it’s a fallacy that ‘Okay I had an awakening experience, I’m done, bye-bye. Where are my followers?’ It can seem [that way]. [Laughter] And there’s no common template for how long it should take.

Q: Yeah.

A: To see that even the sense of ‘It should be over now, it should be over now. Why doesn’t it get over?’ It’s still coming from the mind.

[Silence]

A: So, the best trick for avoidance of the spiritual ego is, actually, if you find yourself closed in any interaction, if you find yourself hanging onto a particular perspective or point of view, then know that you’re hanging onto a conceptual framework of spirituality. Because God does not need the concepts to be expressed only in a particular way. Awareness is completely unconcerned with any of this, you see. So, this is really very important ICU time, because these moments of awakening, these moments of recognition of who we are, are very fertile ground for your True flowering and allowing this body/mind to just become an instrument of God; but can also become a fertile time for the mind to create some strong spiritual position.

So, I would even say that even much more important than coming to satsang, even before awakening experiences, is to come for some time after the awakening experience. And we see that here. I hardly ever give any value to awakening experiences; there’s no sense of validation which comes from here which says ‘Yeah’. You know? [Laughter] In my heart I recognize it. Of course I do. But I know that that validation, that certification, can then become another fertile ground for the ego.

So what to do? Don’t believe your next thought.

Q: Yeah.

A: The mind also wants to come up with a master plan for the end of the spiritual ego. The plan

is just this: you recognize so clearly yourself, this very primal seeming-urge to go back to our thoughts, the fear of the dropping of the individuality. That is what satsang is for.

Once we see that all these thoughts are allowed to come and go then we can report that ‘To Awareness, nothing happened. Identification, billions of lifetimes of suffering; it means nothing.

Q: Thank you.

Guided Inquiry

Who am I?

I perceive the objects of this world.

I am aware of them but they are not aware of I.

I perceive the sensations that seem to define this body including the sensations of my head and my face.

I am aware of them, they are not aware of I.

Who am I?

Who is the I that is aware even of all of these sensations?

And one by one we go through all of our experiences in this way.

I am aware of the thoughts, they come and go.

When a thought is present, I am aware of the thought. When the thought is absent, I am aware of no-mind. Therefore, neither mind nor no-mind am I.

Who am I?

Whatever emotions, sensations might exist here,

I am aware of them, they are not aware of I.

Who is this I that is aware of all of this phenomenal existence?

Even this sense of existence, the sense of Being, my own Presence, I Am,

I is aware of this ‘I Am’.

But even this ‘I Am-ness’, this Being, is not aware of I.

Who is this I?

I see that as Being is here, when Being is present, then the play of this world is present,

and all of this appearance called life is present, but I am aware even of my sleep, when nothing is.

Neither body, the outside appearances,

feelings, thoughts, emotions, imagination, memory, all of this is not I.

Even the sense that ‘I exist’ dissolves, yet I remain. As what?

I am aware even of nothing. Whether it is nothing or something,

the awareness remains unchanged, untouched.

Where is this I in relation to this Awareness?

I see that I am no thing.

There is no separation between Awareness and I.

Therefore this Awareness-I-Am, prior even to the sense I Am.

Unchanging, unmoving, unconcerned, with no attributes, no labels.

All that comes and goes, comes and goes within Me.

Within the ‘I’ that is space-less, all space is born. Within the ‘I’ that is time-less, all time seems to appear.

I Am That,

I Am This.

Surrendered Beliefs

[The questioner was talking about writing down the repetitive thoughts]

I feel it’s a very good practice actually, to not let them [repetitive thoughts and beliefs] float about. And we have put some specific focus on this.

But I don’t want it to just be a template for our belief system, because that doesn’t help. That’s why what I have suggested is that we make a notebook or a page which says: ‘These are surrendered beliefs’. And we write them over there.

You’ll see that just by categorizing them like that, that these [beliefs] are already surrendered. They start to lose whatever seeming power they might have.

But it’s not a bad thing. Especially it’s very helpful with denial. We spoke [earlier] about truthfulness and integrity. A lot of these beliefs, because they seem so subtle, we end up denying them. That is why it’s very useful to pluck them out, look into it, shine our light completely on them, and then hand them over.

Importance of Truthfulness

Q: Father, reading ‘End of Your World’ [by Adyashanti] and there is a whole portion about Truthfulness that Adya has written about. How important is it to be truthful, especially to yourself, in this seeming journey? Can you talk about this Father, a little bit?

A: Various levels of truthfulness, isn’t it?

So the first level is the phenomenal level or the worldly level of Truthfulness when mostly we talk about being truthful we are saying you are not lying about the Appearance that came to you. So first is this worldly level. Your mother says ‘Don’t lie. Don’t lie that you came first in class or something’. You see? So in terms of the appearances playing out, one is that level of truthfulness that ‘This is what actually happened in my day to day life’ and we are being truthful about that.

Now there is a deeper level of integrity which sages like [Nisargadatta] Maharaj has spoken about very often. And this integrity means two aspects.

One is using the minimum amount of words to just report on what is your direct experience with as little mental interpretation as possible. So when we are talking about integrity and truthfulness on this seeming spiritual path, we are talking about remaining as true to our direct experience as possible, knowing that words do not fully express the truth but keeping them as empty of mental interpretation as possible. So this is the first part of integrity.

The second part of integrity is to not be in denial of what you are experiencing. Because very often what can happen is that the spiritual ego will deny to yourself and to the rest of the world that some sense of suffering, some sense of resistance is coming, that some ideas are still being believed in.

So what will happen is that we might still be believing ideas about ourselves and it could be very spiritual ideas like ‘I am awake and I am special and I am free’ or something like this. Or it could be ideas about relationships or any other worldly phenomena but actually there is belief in them, there is conditioning about them. But what is happening is that because we have heard concepts like ‘I am nothing’ or ‘I am That’ or ‘There is no Doer’ then we are just using concepts as denial for what is our direct experience. So if suffering is experienced, we resist even the resistance called suffering, thereby making it worse by being in denial of it using some Advaita or spiritual concepts.

So when we are speaking about truthfulness we are talking about both these aspects; staying true to your direct experience of ‘What is’ and not denying that which seems to be contrary to your beliefs about who you are.

So in this way, when we stay with this and we are open, we are not using concepts for any sort of denial. Because all the greatest Advaita Sages actually have said also that Advaita can be the best

excuse. Adya himself says that Advaita is the best excuse for bad behavior because there is no ‘Doer’. So in this way then, this is not integrity. This is just, (to use another of his terms), this is just being a ‘spiritual jerk’.

So if you are still coming from a mental concept, no matter how glorious or spiritual it might sound, then it is not truthful. It is still in the realm of interpretation. Then the idea can come ‘But I have to use the mind to communicate’. Actually, ultimately that is not true. But I know where you are coming from. That’s why I am saying in as little terminology as possible that if you can point to your direct experience without being arrogant or falsely humble then that qualifies as enough truthfulness.

So why did I say that ‘Ultimately even that is not true, that we have to use the mind to communicate?’ Because as you hand over this mind, as you give up this mind, then you will find that there is the voice of your intuitive Presence, the voice of the Satguru Itself, which can then use the mouth.

And how to tell the difference between these two? When it is coming from the mind you can always smell some grasping, some need; wanting to be seen as something, wanting a particular outcome.

But when it is coming from your intuitive Presence, it is just sharing for the beauty of it. There is so much space, there is so much love and peace in that. And there is no concern about the outcome of it.

So as we give up on this mind then we find that this intuitive Presence starts becoming available to us. Actually, all of us, from very early on, we have a very strong intuitive sense of what is true and what is not. Even children know this. They can smell lies on themselves and on others also. So, this sense of truthfulness is very, very native by design.

Let’s First Establish Who the ‘Me’ Is

I was reading a post today before satsang. It was Azhar reporting. And it was very nice, actually, I enjoyed reading it. Because he said that we have two options. First option…, (and I’m paraphrasing. Forgive me if I’m wrong.)

Option 1: Go with the mind as an instrument. Means what? Believe what the mind is saying because it helps you analyze the world, it helps you question life. It’s got many useful features. That’s option 1. And second option is to…,

Q: [Azhar who made the post originally says]: It has a negative effect also, which is suffering.

A: It has a negative effect also, which is suffering.

The second [option] is to let go of the mind. And it doesn’t matter what your life situation is, you could be a beggar on the streets, but still you would be happy; not suffering. Peaceful.

So these are two options

The funny thing about option 1 is that it helps you analyze everything, supposedly; except who you are.

Then see, the mind only has resistance to this one question. This is not the one it is welcoming. It welcomes every question [such as] ‘What is this, what color are these flowers, how does this computer work?’ Everything seemingly outside, it’s welcome to analyze. It says ‘Okay, let’s figure out this, let’s figure out that’. But the minute you turn inward and say ‘Okay, let’s figure out who I am’ …, that question comes from a deeper place, a more intuitive place.

So once we see who I am, then we can say that ‘I choose to make this choice’. Because the ‘I’ that chooses the mind, OR option 2, (which is no-mind), then which one is that one? As long as that is clear, then there is not really going to be trouble. Because what happens once you see that you are this Awareness, you are the Self; or even if you see ‘I Am that I Am’ (the dynamic aspect, Consciousness) and you see that it is this Consciousness which seems to have the power of this belief. (Not ‘dis-belief, ‘this’ belief). Also dis-belief…, but I meant this belief. [Chuckles]

So, are you referring to yourself as God when you say that? Or are you referring to yourself as Azhar? That’s the key, because when Guruji says ‘The mind is not your friend; not yet’…, what does it mean? It means that as long as we are identifying ourself to be the non-existent one, the one that we cannot find, then the mind will offer all these things to you: ‘It’s me. We will analyze the world, we will question life’ but never wants to look at who you are.

So even when it is presuming to ask the question ‘Who am I?’ it is not really wanting you to look. It will give you a lot of resistance when you start looking.

So this is why I won’t recommend that approach. Although if Consciousness wants to play with the mind and wants to even pretend to be a person, there is nothing that can stop it. There is nothing really that can stop it. So as long as it still seems attractive to Consciousness Itself, it will keep playing with this mind. Only when it is done with the play will the mind be dropped. ‘Play’ means what? Not the play of appearances. The play of being a person playing with these appearances.

Q: Even if the first option is not attractive and the second option is obviously repulsive?

A: It depends on how much you’ve suffered, actually. [Chuckles] If you’ve suffered a lot. Mostly those who come to satsang, they’ve run out of room as people; they’ve run out of moves as people. And to them, option 2 seems the most attractive.

For example, when I read your message, I knew you were inclined to Option 1. But when I read it, I was like ‘Who will choose option 1?!’ Because it seemed like so beautiful; no matter what happens here, there can be no suffering.

So for most of us, who are in satsang in this way, I feel like there’s been enough suffering. So you don’t want to analyze life and continue suffering; you’d rather drop all of this or analyze the primal question, which is ‘Who am I?’

So, that itself is a blind spot in the mind’s approach, isn’t it? So it wants to analyze everything that appears, but who it appears to, it doesn’t want to look at that. So, it’s basically like this. For those to whom it is clear ‘Yes, I don’t want to suffer. I don’t care what life brings because I’m not suffering from it anyway’. Once I’m clear that I don’t want to go with this mind, there is no way in which I can suffer, then it doesn’t really matter what happens in this life. That is surrender.

Q: The other point that I made is that ‘If you let go of the mind’…, and then I gave the example that there are many species or Beings on this planet in whom the process of life is such that the mind is not at a very developed stage.

A: Presumably; we don’t know, but presumably.

Q: Yes. As it seems; appears. And in those Beings, it is very apparent that their lives or their functioning or the involvement in their life is very primal. So you could find like many, many Beings who are not very intelligent and questioning ‘What is truth?’ or ‘What is not truth?’ and ‘Who I am?’ and ‘Is there anything outside of the field of my perception and experience?’ They don’t have any kind of this inquisitiveness. But if you look at their life, then basically their life is just content within the experience of survival and pro-creation. Because for them, the life is just this. Nothing beyond that.

A: Yes, I get your point. So, also we might feel that our lives are much more sophisticated than that. I’ve seen this. But if you don’t get a place to sit and you have to stand on one leg, you might be getting the best satsang. [Chuckles] You might be saying ‘What is this? What is this? I can’t even sit’. You see, it becomes very primal. You don’t sleep for one night. Then things become very basic; it just becomes very basic. ‘I just need to sleep. I don’t care what’s going on’. The same thing, like you’re fasting so you skipped some meals. It becomes very basic.

So, it’s just this. Basically our primary concern continues to be this; our primal needs: sleep, food, breathing. Stop your breath for some time [chuckles] and then discuss spirituality. It doesn’t happen. So although humans might feel that we are more sophisticated, at the very basic and primal level, it continues to be the same.

Now, because it seems like we’ve come to a stage where all these things, (survival, food), they don’t seem to be so primary, that’s why we’ve been able to look at these deeper subjects. But I feel to go deeper according to the mind is still a bit superficial. Can we go even deeper?

What is the point of exploring what something means to me? You see, the mind can help me explore supposedly what something means to me, or how I can interact or engage with that something in this realm of appearances.

Q: So, there is this question: If what I am experiencing now, this physical realm, is it real?

A: But if you were not experiencing it, you wouldn’t want to contemplate it. That’s what I mean when I say ‘What something means to me. What does this realm mean to me?’ If it wasn’t yours? Like, ‘Why does this person behave like this?’ If they weren’t engaging with you, it wouldn’t matter. You see? ‘Why do I get pulled toward Earth and not away from the Earth?’ You would not want to explore, (even the physicists); if you didn’t experience these effects, it would not really matter to them, isn’t it? They want to understand their world. You see? So, the primary is the ‘me’…, ‘My world, my life, my universe’.

So, what would be the deepest contemplation? Or the simplest; let’s not even say deepest. Let’s first establish who the ‘me’ is. Because if everything is about the ‘me’ then let’s establish who the ‘me’ is.

So, if we change your two options; because the second option we already said is surrender, so the first option is Self-inquiry. Because before we can say what this is for, (‘Let me analyze this, let me analyze that’), can I analyze who I am? For me, that seems primary.

Q: From the perspective of the one who is involved and identified with the mind, then to go along with any exploration, it first needs a motive for that exploration. So it will resist that question ‘Well, who I am?’ Then, just for curiosity it’s okay. But if you’re really giving up everything just to explore this question then it’s bound that it will resist this question that ‘What’s in it for me?’

A: Yes, but the point is, you said ‘It is useful because it helped me analyze, to inquire into life’. You see? You didn’t say ‘It’s motivated because of what’s in it for me’. You wanted to question life. So, at the root of all the mind’s questions is that idea of this ‘me’. If I tell you that ’50 galaxies away, there’s a small star which is half the brightness of our star’ would it matter to you? If I tell you ‘From tomorrow onwards, our star is going to become 50% less bright; the end of human existence’ then it immediately matters; you want to ask ‘Why? What happened?’ You see?

At the root of all the mind analysis is this idea of this ‘me’. So first can we get validation, clarity, about who this ‘me’ is? It says ‘What’s in it for me?’ I know, that’s the mantra of the mind. ‘What’s in it for me?’ So can we at least find out who the ‘me’ is? What’s in it for who?

So, that is Self-inquiry.

And that’s why you’re here. Because [chuckles] if you truly were choosing option 1, you would not come to satsang after satsang…, ‘Leave the mind, leave the mind, leave the mind’. So seek it in this way.

You want to enjoy the periphery for some time, and I understand that feeling. It’s okay. I understand that feeling. ‘What does the ‘me’ want? I want to understand how flowers bloom and how God has created this world’ and all of that. It’s fine. I understand. But at the end of all of this analysis/inquiry, you will come to a point where you say ‘Okay, who is the ‘me’ at the center of all of this?’

Q: It’s not like I can escape this question of Self-inquiry.

A: Don’t escape it. Don’t escape it. What do you find?

Q: I find it’s always a mystery.

A: You find this? You find this? … I … find that it’s a mystery? [Silence]

I’m happy we’re not talking Advaita, because it brings a lot of integrity in the conversation. Because it’s good to have this out.

You find that it’s a mystery as to who I am. The ‘I’ who finds the mystery… is a mystery. That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?

Who Is the ‘I’ That Cannot Find the ‘I’?

Q: Isn’t identification with the body necessary for the process self-preservation?

A: It’s in the question. All of these are peripheral to the ‘I-Self’. Preservation is talking about the self. So, which self do you want to preserve? So, do we want to understand how to preserve the self? Or first we must know which self we want to preserve?

Okay, I know how to take care of Bill Gates mansion. How does that help if I’m not Bill Gates? You want to preserve the self.

Q: Exactly how does it help if I know who I am? How does it help?

A: That’s what I’m saying. So, you want to preserve the self. But are you the self?

Q: In this sentence, by the ‘self’ I meant the body.

A: The body is required to maintain the body? Then it doesn’t make sense.

Q: No, the body is required to experience this realm.

A: You’ve not experienced any realm without this body?

Q: [Silence] Right now, if I asked you …, like to prevent you from having any means of survival, like the food, clothing and shelter; in that situation, would you not fight for your survival as being a body? Or you would say ‘I am not the body, so I won’t fight’?

A: Yes, but still that ‘I’ that wouldn’t fight would still be primary even in this question, isn’t it?

Q: But if ‘I’ is there…, even if the clarity of ‘I’ is there…,

A: That doesn’t matter. I’m not saying the appearances should change. And I’m not saying that we must not analyze these questions also. But can we analyze the root of this question…, which is ‘Who is the I?’ Who is the ‘I’ that wants to know this?

Q: [Silence] I cannot be found.

A: Then you’re not here? If you say ‘I cannot be found’ then you must be somewhere lost. Are you lost? Or are you here?

Q: [Silence] [Laughs: Inaudible words]

A: [Laughs] No, I’m just asking the basic question. You say ‘I cannot be found’. So, that means you’re not here. You’re lost somewhere; let’s go looking.

What are we looking at? We say that we have found that at the root of all mental analysis is the presumed-I. So, let’s analyze first into who this ‘I’ is. Then you say ‘I cannot be seen. It cannot be found’. That means that you have lost it. Have you lost the ‘I’? Where did you lose it? And who is the one that is here then?

When you lose something, then usually people ask ‘Well, where did you see it last?’ [Chuckles] So, we lost the ‘I’. We cannot find it. Where did you see it last?

Q: I never saw; I just assumed it was here.

A: Just assumed. So, ‘assumed’ is against your analysis of questioning life, isn’t it? Because people assumed the world is flat. It was a wrong assumption. So let’s not assume anything. Let’s find out. You say ‘The assumption is that it cannot be found’. Therefore, it must mean it’s not here.

Q: The assumption was ‘It is here’ but in the looking of it, it is not found.

A: How do you know it is here?

Q: Because the center of the experience of it is here.

A: How do you know that is ‘I’?

Q: Because there isn’t definition of subject.

A: If you did not hear the definition, you would not know.

Q: This distinction of me and other will not be there.

A: I didn’t talk about the distinction. You said that ‘I lost…’ or ‘I cannot find the I’. ‘I cannot find the ‘I’.

So, which I is looking?

Which I sees that I can’t see it? Which I knows that I can’t know it?

Q: [Silence] But I’ve tried to explore this many times; but it’s a futile exercise.

A: Yes, but there must be the ‘I’ that has tried many times. Are you not that ‘I’?

Can I say that ‘I lost the I’?

Who is the one saying then? Who is looking for the Self? Who sees there is no ‘I’?

‘It’s a futile exercise. I know it!’ ‘I cannot find the ‘I’. I know it!’ Who is this ‘I’?

‘I want to choose this or that’.

‘I don’t want to choose the ‘I’ because I can’t find the I’. There’s so much ‘I’ in that.

Which ‘I’ is this?

I feel like I’m speaking the simplest words. [Chuckles]

Q: They are not simplest words. You have to use other words.

A: That’s what I’m saying. I feel like I’m using the simplest words. I wonder if it’s sounding like that to all of you also.

Q: But, is it possible for the dream character to know that…,

A: You know you are the dream character?

Q: I consider it a possibility.

A: On what basis?

Q: The basis is the reference of the experience I had last night in the dream.

A: And then the experiencer was a dream character?

Q: As the dreamer, I experienced the dream body.

A: Dream world was there, dream body was there. Both were experienced, no?

Q: Yes, but the dream body was experienced only through the center of the dream body.

A: Through whatever body it might be experienced…, WHO is the experiencer? [Silence] Was it not you?

Q: No. I see the whole experience of the dream as an illusion.

A: Okay, so the ‘I’ that sees this entire experience of the dream as an illusion is also illusion? Or is the same?…, that continues through this illusion and that one.

Q: It is only realized after the dissolution of the dream.

A: How do you know?

Q: By waking up from the dream.

A: Yeah, but you’re still here. The one who had the dream, and the one who is having this experience, is still here? Or no?

What is common about that, in this, is that you are here. Everybody in the dream could be different, the environment could be different, every situation, every law of gravity, light and sound, everything could be different. But what is common? Can we lose that one?

Q: What is the common?

A: That’s what I’m asking. Is that not I?

Q: [Silence] What if I propose this theory? That…

A: [Laughing] We were just looking. Is it a theory about the ‘I’? Or about appearance? If it’s a theory about appearance, let’s keep it aside. Was the theory about ‘I’?

Q: I’m sorry if it’s not going anywhere, but…

A: No, it’s going somewhere very nice. You say ‘I lost the I. I cannot find the I’. And it’s not just you. It’s a very popular notion. 99% of all spiritual seekers have this notion. ‘I cannot find the I’.

Who is the I that cannot find the I? Is that lost?

Or ‘What’s the point of this I?’ That’s the second most popular notion. Or maybe it’s the first; I’m not sure. So ‘What’s the point, if I find the I?’ You see the point, isn’t it, because everything is about ‘I’. ‘My life, my family, my work, my money’. Everything at the center of it is ‘me’. ‘My emotions’.

Q: But most of those things are centered around fulfilling the way you want the life to be. But it is not that way. It is like…

A: You who wants life to be a certain way is which one? That’s all we’re asking. [Silence] ‘I want my life to be this way’. Isn’t it better to know who this ‘me’ is before we know what my

life should be? That’s what we’re saying. So, when asked to look, we say ‘I cannot find it’. But then, are you here? Or are you lost?

Q: [Silence] Don’t know. I can’t say anything with certainty. You know, for example…, [silence]

A: But still you say ‘I’…, can’t say anything with certainty’. That means you’re pretty clear about ‘I’. [Silence] You’re not saying ‘Something here can’t say anything with certainty’. You’re saying ‘I’ can’t say it. So who is this one?

Q: No, even this saying can be un-clarity.

A: Is it? Is it un-clarity?

Q: It could be, for example, if you’re saying that …,

A: Are you saying from clarity? Or un-clarity?

Q: That’s why I said, for example, the dream character didn’t know that when it was questioning the existence, it didn’t know anything about Hari. [Q’s name]

A: I don’t care about the dream character; I care about you. So…, when you say ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I don’t know if it’s clear or unclear’ …, what is clear or unclear; that you don’t know?

Whether you exist or not is clear, or unclear?

Q: Yeah, but this question, the way it is being asked, I feel that it still presumes that there is no reality outside of my experience and perception.

A: Don’t question the question. Answer the question. You exist? Or no?

Q: [Silence] This experience, this experience…,

A: You exist? Or no?

Q: Right now, I could say from the experience that I exist. But what I’m saying is if it only an experience, it could be wrong.

A: Okay. Experience of existence. Experience of existence. Existence is also an experience? You say this, no? So the ‘I’ that knows of this experience of existence, is that also an experience?

Q: That is beyond my current understanding.

A: What does it mean, current understanding? [Silence] Is it not your experience of existence?

Q: I don’t know what even this experience of existence is. I’m not clear.

A: Yes. But I’m not asking about that. I’m saying whatever the experience might be, you know or don’t know it, isn’t it?

Q: I’m not sure even if this knowing is real or not; truth or not.

A: Yes, but, the ‘I’ that knows it, or does not know it, is that also an experience? …, is the question.

Q: It could be. I consider this also a possibility that mind is the source of Consciousness, or this source of Consciousness is maybe in the brain.

A: Okay, who is this ‘I’ that considers it this way? [Silence] You say ‘I consider it’. You didn’t say ‘Sameed considers it’ or ‘Prathik considers it’. You said ‘I consider.’ Who is this one? [Silence] Don’t presume anything. Just look.

Q: Yeah, I’m exploring all the possible options.

A: Not mentally. Just by looking. Just look for it, instead of think for it. Because thinking is presumption. Looking is contemplation.

Who is the ‘I’ that cannot find the ‘I’?

Q: [Silence] Father, it’s so strange, like in the looking this question does not even arise. And in this questioning, this looking is not possible.

A: It’s very fancy, but we can drop it. [Chuckles]

Q: No, it’s real.

A: Why? Because what is important is the looking. If the question has lead you to the looking, then stay with that. What do you see?

Q: [Silence] I don’t understand what you mean when you say ‘What do you see?’

A: You say the looking is there, so the question has done its job. The looking is there. What does the looking look at?

Q: [Silence] How can you be sure that this looking is not another part of your experience also; like the awareness is also because of the presence of consciousness, and this consciousness is also a spark in the brain?

A: Yes, okay, say all this is true…, who would check on this?

Q: Just the intelligence which God created in His process, in this biological …,

A: Who knows that God created? Was there something before this creation? Or it was the primal creation? If it is a primal creation, then who created it?

Q: No, but it could be simply like this is a piece of life, and it has its own intelligence which knows these things.

A: But who would know all this? Are we just to presume all this? Or do we want to see the direct experience of all this?

Q: Yes, but this knowing could be the intelligence of this piece of life which is here.

A: But who would know this piece of life is here?

Q: Yes. The intelligence which is present here.

A: So, this is a part of the piece of life and the piece of life is part of the intelligence which is here. [Silence] Like I said, if you think about it, then you’ll come up with more and more concepts. What is it that you see? You said ‘When I check, ‘I’ cannot find myself’.

Q: But how…, this model is not possible. For example, there is this body, there is this brain…,

A: You want a model? There are many models you can get from books. Na? I’m pointing you to that which is prior to all models.

So, you say that ‘When I check, ‘I’ don’t find the I’. So for what are you using the word ‘I’? For the first time: The ‘I’ that doesn’t find the ‘I’ is which one? [Silence]. Look. Don’t think. Are you just making it up that ‘I don’t find the I’? No. It’s your experience. So who is this ‘I’ that cannot find the ‘I’?

Everyone is looking for Self-realization; that means that everyone is looking for the Self. But are they not the Self?

And if they are not the Self, then who is looking for the Self?

Q: Is it possible to find the answer to this question?

A: Yes. [Silence] The answer might surprise you, but it is completely possible.

Q: What if I told you that…,

A: No, no. Answer the question. Who is the ‘I’ that cannot find the ‘I’? [Silence] You have to give me a workout? Or you have to get a workout? What kind of gym is this? [Chuckles] Where the instructor keeps getting the workout, you see? [Laughs] ‘Why don’t you contemplate this?’ I’m saying you do this push-up. Find out who is the ‘I’ that cannot find the ‘I’.

Q: But …,

A: You will say ‘No, no, you do this push-up’. [Laughs] ‘No, the push-up is not better; the pull- up is better. You do the pull-up and show me’. And I keep dancing…,

Q: You say ‘You do the push-up’ and I say ‘It’s not possible, so then show me’. [Laughs]

A: I’ve never had an instructor like this. [Inaudible]

Q: In fact, it’s only 20 or 30 push-ups.

A: That would be just showing off. You want me to show off? [Chuckles]

Why is there so much resistance to this? The question is simple. You say ‘I cannot find the I’. So which is the one, which is the ‘I’ that cannot find the ‘I’?

Q: I’m sorry if I’m taking too much time.

A: No, it’s fine. This is what you’re here for. Everything else is for the periphery. The ‘I’ that can or cannot find, is that also a presumed notion? Like you say ‘I’ cannot find the ‘I’. This ‘I’ that cannot find the ‘I’…, is that also a presumed notion; a presumption? [Silence] Are you not here? Are you just an idea? Are you a concept; a belief? Are you an appearance?

Q: Yeah, I feel most of the time, just this bundle of thoughts and energy.

A: An appearance. To whom are you appearing?

Q: Maybe to God.

A: So, are you okay with just using concepts? Or you want to look?

Q: No, I’m saying that there’s a possibility that there’s a …, [Silence]

A: But the ‘possibility’ is a hypothesis. How will you validate it?

Q: I don’t feel to accept just what is seen here as the truth or as the reality of this entire universe in which this form or this life is just an aspect, not even a piece of dust.

A: So, you’re unwilling to accept what is seen and you’re willing to accept what? What is presumed? Because either it is Seen or it is presumed. [Silence] Acknowledging at least that either it must be Seen or it must be a concept.

Q: What I’m saying is…,

A: No, first on this point: It must be either Seen or a concept.

Q: Yes.

A: So, either it is Seen or a concept. So when you say ‘I’m unwilling to accept what I see’…, that means that you’re unwilling to accept anything? Or are you willing to accept some concepts instead?

Q: Isn’t openness to accept the possibility of all these things which are presented? For example, if it is presented to you, then whatever your perception and your experience is right now is very limited, and there’s a possibility…,

A: Openness doesn’t mean we believe every concept. Openness means we let every concept come and go. [Silence] ‘I’m open to the possibility…’ [Chuckles] Are you open to the possibility that you don’t exist?

Q: Yes.

A: Okay, if you’re open to this possibility, then the one who is open to the possibility of non- existence is which one? [Silence] ‘Doesn’t exist’ as what? Hmmm?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: Yes. It’s a great dead-end for the mind. Do you exist in your sleep?

Q: I truly can’t say anything about the states in which I am completely unconscious, like the deep sleep.

A: Okay, forget it. Do you exist now?

Q: Yes.

A: Yes. So you know this, or no? Is it a concept? Or is it Seen?

Q: Everything is here. This world is here, form is here, so I exist.

A: As the world and the form, you exist?

Q: Yes, I could be existing without the experience.

A: So, you exist as just the world and the form?

Q: There could be alterations in the experience, for instance in different forms of energy, sensations. So the appearance could be other forms.

A: So the ‘I’ changes? The ‘I’ that exists changes when these states change?

Q: But this sense of existence is not separate from this experience; the entirety of all this experience.

A: There is a sense of existence also.

Q: If you were to take away from me all this experience, then I wouldn’t be able to say that I exist.

A: Yeah, but you say ‘The sense of existence’. What is that?

Q: The entirety of all the experiences.

A: That is the sense of existence? [Silence] Or just something you heard somewhere?

Q: [Silence]

A: So if one by one all the senses fail, and one by one all the inner-sensations seemingly go, then you cease to exist?

Q: So, in short, if this body falls dead right in this moment, then it could be possible that I don’t exist anymore.

A: No, just right now, if you just See that all these senses, they would stop reporting, then even the sense that I exist would go? Like, you can stop being?

Q: [Silence] It’s a never-ending mystery.

A: You like it that way?

Q: It is that way.

A: You like it that way? Or no? [Silence] If it came to an end, would you be happy? [Silence] Just be honest.

Q: Only if the truth came to be known.

A: No, I’m saying that…, you say ‘Never ending mystery’. If it ended, would you be happy? Or you’d prefer it to be a ‘Never-ending mystery’? Is it never-ending because you’re enjoying the game.

Q: Who is not? Is there anyone who is not?

A: Who is not what?

Q: Who is not enjoying the play?

A: So, you’re happy with just finding out about the world and who is doing what and what is happening here and you know, all of this. You’re happy with all of that? You never want to know who You are?

Q: Yes, of course I want to know.

A: Now, you want to know only that which fits into your ideas and concepts of what it is? Or you’re open to looking without any of this?

Q: I’m open to this possibility.

A: Now, if I say ‘There is no mystery. You are here, and you know it’ …, are you willing to look at that?

Q: Father, you know that with you, and by ourself, we have looked many, many times. Isn’t it?

A: I say again, you’re diverting. What do you need to deflect? Are you scared?

Q: [Silence]

A: All I said was ‘You are here, and you know it’. True? Or no?

Q: But I also said that…,

A: I didn’t ask what you said. I’m saying that ‘Is this true, or no?’

Q: Yes. I can experience my existence.

A: Okay. So, the one that knows it, even that you are here, is which one?

Q: [Silence] Why is it not one; the two?

A: Why is it not one? You say ‘It’s one’. I’m happy to accept it. You LOOK and you tell me it’s one, that’s all I want. Don’t presume. Your answer came too fast.

Q: Yeah, I am self-conscious.

A: So, mystery over? What else you want? I Am that I Am. I Am Consciousness. I am self- conscious. Whatever. What’s the mystery?

Q: But the truth must be one, wherever it is experienced, so it should fit into the way the great Masters have described. For example, in my experience, I don’t see any shift in the way I perceive the world. It is still appearing as though the world is being looked at through these two eyes.

A: Will you look at it as if you’re flying over it? Who has said, which great master has said, that you will look at it as if you’re looking from the skies? …, or something, whatever.

Q: And how about this experience …

A: Number first. Which one? Let’s go one by one. First is what; that why is it still appearing that I’m looking at the world through these two eyes? So, who has said it doesn’t?

Q: But doesn’t it mean that Consciousness has not yet lost its individuality yet?

A: You tell me.

Q: [Silence] And what about these experiences; to see One-self? The experience is of this body. And what about these experiences of Self-realization?

A: What do you see it as? You see it as outside of you?

Q: I can’t perceive even what is outside of this room; what about the universe?

A: So, this is it. [Chuckles] So, sages have said they know what’s happening in West Africa? …, like that’s a pre-requisite to freedom.

Q: But, if someone claims to know the truth, then he must know the truth of this whole existence, this whole Universe.

A: Yes. I know the truth of this whole existence, because it is THIS. Just This. Just like the dream; there’s only that which is Seen. [Silence] Even science is coming to the same conclusion; nothing exists without the observer of it.

Q: No truth has been found that the mind….

A: What truth? What is your idea of truth?

Q: So, for example, in the waking up from the dreaming state, it was real right in that instant that the whole of this…

A: I thought you didn’t want to speak about those states which are not here.

Q: No, I said…

A: Only when it’s convenient… [Chuckles]

Q: No, I said that during states in which I was completely unconscious, I cannot talk about this because I don’t have any memory of those states. But it’s just like in the dream states, if I have a full memory of the state, I can use it in my contemplations.

A: So, you had no memory that there was any other state except the dream state?

Q: I can say that there is a sleep state, because there is a gap in my experience, or in my memory.

A: Who saw it as a gap? Who knows of this gap? [Silence] There’s only waking and dream and waking and dream, isn’t it? Who’s aware of that?

Q: No, there are states where I am completely unconscious.

A: You know this? I thought you couldn’t report on these things.

Q: Okay, so can we just use the dream…?

A: No. [Chuckles] It is very important. You see?

Q: But, that one is, like, too difficult to talk about; the deep sleep.

A: Why? Either you’re saying that my experience is only the dream and the waking; there’s no other experience. Then who invented this concept of sleep state? [Silence] You’ve never gone to sleep? You’ve only gone to dream? Is it?

Q: Yeah, in the experience, I have seen that there is a transition from the unconscious to the conscious state.

A: So, who was there to see the unconscious? To see the transition? Who was there?

Q: No, there is no secondary agent who knew this, who knows this.

A: Yeah, but who is the primary?

Q: The primary was this experience itself of becoming conscious.

A: You say ‘It went from this consciousness, waking state consciousness, to dream state consciousness’. [Silence] Is that it?

Q: Yes, and for example, the state that I call ‘deep sleep’ there was a…

A: What is deep sleep? I don’t know. What is deep sleep? [Smiles]

Q: Okay, so, in my experience, I saw that this self-consciousness or Consciousness was kind of emerging and coming into light, and with it…

A: Is there a time when it’s not there?

Q: So, I presume that before this, it was not.

A: Just presumed.

Q: Yeah, because …

A: Why didn’t you just presume that it’s here as this waking, then suddenly the scenery changes and you’re in a different realm? [Silence] Because that is more accurate, no? We don’t have any experience of sleep. So, there was waking; and suddenly a different realm is there, different people are there. And then there’s waking, and a different realm is there.

Q: It’s possible that…

A: No, no. What is your experience? Is it that? There’s only waking and dream

Q: I feel like they are the signs and symbols in the waking states, or in the experience of transition from different states of consciousness through which I can make up that there was a state in which I was not there, and in which there was a gap…,

A: Okay. States of transition. From what to what? [Silence]

So, you’ve never had the experience of sleeping. You’ve just been awake, but in different realms. That’s it.

Q: But that’s what is called deep sleep; it’s defined as the state …,

A: It’s not to ‘define’. I’m asking what your experience is. You never experience sleep. Only waking and dream. [Silence] You can never say ‘I went to sleep. Sorry I went to sleep for a second, and I woke up’. No. Never happened. [Long silence] Just suddenly at night, it’s dark; then suddenly, it’s light. That’s it. Time lapse.

Q: I just know I slept because of dream state…

A: Why? Is it not an experience? Is sleep not an experience?

Q: Father, how can I say the experience that time disappears… [Inaudible]

A: You tell me; you not had it. How would you say that time disappears? You’ve had this experience? How do you know time disappears? How do you know there is such a state? You’ve only heard about it. You’ve never experienced sleep. You’ve never gone to sleep in your life. Only with a concept; with a pink elephant; sleep.

Q: I’m very sorry if everyone is getting bored and I’m wasting everyone’s time.

A: No. It’s okay. I feel it’s very important because we carry these presumptions. Sleep is only a presumption; an idea?

Q: In my experience, what I call sleep…, there was this experience that …,

A: What time did you wake up this morning? Roughly; don’t need the exact minute. What time did you wake up? Don’t think of the answer to the next question, which I know you know it’s coming. [Chuckles] What time do you wake up regularly?

Q: 7:15, 7:30

A: 7:30. So, you woke up from what dream?

Q: [Inaudible]

A: No, what did you wake up from? What woke up?

Q: Even the transition from the dream state to the waking state is not a …,

A: What did you wake up from? And what woke up?

Q: Yeah, so, I was having a very beautiful dream, and I woke up from that dream.

A: Yes. So, it’s only waking state and dream state. There is no scope for sleep; deep sleep. It’s just a concept. This is called mental denial, you see? Defending the indifference. [Chuckles] Are you hearing yourself? What are we defending actually?

Q: I’m not denying the deep sleep state, I’m saying that since I was not conscious in that state , that I cannot really talk about it.

A: How do you know there’s something called ‘Deep sleep state’? That’s all I’m asking. You had it, or no? You’ve never gone to sleep?

Q: Okay, so, how do I know it?

A: You tell me. Is it just a concept for you? Or do you experience sleep? That’s all we’re asking.

Q: But isn’t it also an absence of all the experience?

A: Is that not an experience, too…, to experience the absence of all experiences? To see that there is no experience, there must be You to see that there was no experience. Who saw this? Who came and told you there was no experience yesterday for so much time?

Q: Okay, if I take the example of deep sleep…,

A: Why can’t you just answer this? Who saw that there was no experience?

[Long silence]

Q: I had wondered often about this deep sleep, and I never came to any conclusion about it.

A: The question is very simple. Do you know of something called sleep? Or no? Or it’s just an idea.

Q: I know there is something called deep sleep, but I’m not very much clear about it.

A: You’ve never gone to sleep?

Q: Yes, I have gone to sleep, of course. [Chuckles]

A: What happened when you went to sleep?

Q: Since the Consciousness is not there, how are you…?

A: But are you just making this up?

Q: No, I know that I was not conscious.

A: You know So Consciousness was not there. Who knows, then?

Q: Yeah, because in coming out of that state…,

A: Slowly, slowly. This is a crucial point. You say ‘I know that Consciousness also was not there’. So, what remained when even Consciousness was not there? [Silence]

Now, don’t deflect anything. Stay here. The one that knows even the presence and absence of Consciousness, which one is that one? [Silence]

Q: How should I look at this question? Should I look at it from a fragment of memory?

A: Is there something that continues of that one to this one? Is that one gone now; the one that knows that Consciousness was not there, has that also gone? [Silence] You know now Consciousness is here. You know then Consciousness is not there. So, this one that knows either presence or not-presence is which one? [Silence] Is that changing? Is that a mystery? [Silence] Or is it You?

Q: I can’t say anything about that.

A: But do you at least understand what I’m asking? The one that says that ‘Even Consciousness was not there’…, now you know that Consciousness is here. So that one, is which one? That’s what the question is.

Q: Just like, the one who was born into this realm came to know that before birth it was not; in the same way, Consciousness comes into existence from deep sleep and it knows that other state before this when I was not.

A: Okay, then who was; if I was not? If Consciousness was not there, then who was? If nothing knows, then there is no state like that.

Q: So just like, before the creation of the birth of this body, if you were to ask me ‘Where were you?’ then I could only say that there was a …

A: Say something which is not presumption.

Q: I can say this, that I was not Conscious of myself before the birth of this body…, or there was nothing which I can call…, there’s no memory, there’s no experience that I can recall.

A: And you were there as what? If you say ‘This is not a presumption’…, then there as what? Before Consciousness, what are you?

Q: I didn’t exist before Consciousness.

A: Yes, yes. But how do you know this? I said ‘No presumption’.

Q: I came to know this before the birth of Consciousness. After the birth of Consciousness, I continued as this.

A: Yes. That Consciousness also was not there…, and then you also were not there. So there was nothing. So the birth of everything is the birth of Consciousness. Then how can I report on prior to Consciousness, if there was nothing? You cannot.

But is sleep like that? There was no sleep. Is sleep like that?

Q: I didn’t have the experience of sleep.

A: You didn’t have the experience of sleep…, (merry go round). [Chuckles]

Q: I consider like that, then when Consciousness begins its self-consciousness, then it has this…

A: Yes, but who saw that there was no Consciousness? Are we just presuming? [Silence] So if I say ‘There is no state where there is no Consciousness’…, you will say yes?

‘Deep sleep is a myth; nobody ever goes to sleep’…, if I say that, is it right? What’s the problem?

Q: No, I will not accept it.

A: Why? [Silence] This is for everyone. I say ‘Deep sleep is a myth; there’s no such thing as sleep’. Then? [Silence] I know what you want to say; you want to say ‘I know I went to sleep. How can you say that?’ It’s just your knowledge that is getting in the way of saying that.

Q: But Father, how? This is unacceptable that…

A: Answer my question. I’m saying ‘Deep sleep is a myth’. You’re saying what?

Q: Of course, I will not accept this.

A: Why?

Q: Because there are many moments I have been completely unconscious, and I can call that deep sleep.

A: So, Consciousness was not there. ‘I have been unconscious; consciousness came and went; but I was still there’?

Q: No, maybe it’s the Consciousness that is say that ‘I was not…,’

A: I was unconscious.

Q: ‘… there at the time’. Otherwise how could this report?

A: [Chuckles] Consciousness was saying ‘I was not there’. Then what was there?

Just being obstinate… [Chuckles]

Q: Father, it’s impossible to contemplate on this, because at first, I don’t have any memory of that state.

A: Then what are you saying? Are you saying there’s something called sleep? Why are you not accepting me? You don’t believe my words when I say ‘There is no sleep’. Why?

Q: Because in my experience there are gaps of experiencing.

A: Hmmm. So, is this not your experience? You say ‘In my experience, there are gaps of experiencing’…, therefore there is an ‘I’ which experiences these gaps.

Q: It’s logical; it sounds very nice, but…

A: You said it, not me.

Q: It sounds very good.

A: I know today’s satsang will sound like just a big argument, but it’s not.

All these ideas we have about Consciousness and Awareness…, all that is being clarified here. ‘I lost myself, I cannot find myself, I cannot experience sleep’. Sleep must be just a concept.

Q: No. There is an experience of it.

A: Your experience of sleep…, so this ‘I’ who has the experience that there is no Consciousness; now, something changed for that ‘I’…, when waking comes?

Q: Like, it sounds completely nice, in the logical and the interpretative aspects of it, by looking at the…,

A: Now, is there a different ‘I’? The ‘I’ who experienced no Consciousness…, is there a different ‘I’ now that is here, that experiences Consciousness?

Q: Are you asking ‘What is constant’?

A: Yes, yes. What is constant?

Q: Of course, just by logic…,

A: No logic. There’s no experience of constancy of anything? The ‘I’ is just a concept, just like logic? The ‘I’ which saw there’s no Consciousness and the I which is seeing now that there is Consciousness…, this one is just logic or concept?

Q: There seems to be this Consciousness which is knowing, like, which knows everything.

A: I don’t know. What do you mean?

Q: So, for example, this experience of this body is here, and there’s a knowing of this experience. And there’s knowing that I had a dream; and I can say with full confidence that I knew the experience of the dream; and when the transition happened from the dream state to the waking state. And if there’s anything I can call that remained conscious throughout the transition, then I would say that there’s this Knowing.

A: This Knowing…

Q: Because, like, this Knowing is not an object that I can clearly identify.

A: If it is an object, then it would have to be known?

Q: Yes.

A: By Knowing…, which is not an object.

Q: Yes.

A: Isn’t it? So this Knowing…, can you keep it aside? You say ‘I cannot clearly find it’. I’m saying ‘Can you lose it now?’ Show me. There is no Knowing?

Q: This I tried many times; I can’t lose.

A: You can’t do. Is there a ‘You’ which is apart from this knowing?

Q: Father, again we are just going through the…,

A: Inquiry … [Chuckles] Just doing that; experiencing the inquiry.

Q: Like the mind…,

A: Mind is also known. As what? As the energy of thoughts. [Silence]

What does it have to say about this Knowing? [Silence]

What is the distance between this Knowing and you? [Silence]

This mind that appears; is that more the ‘I’? Or is this ‘Knowing’ more ‘I’? [Silence]

So, when this mind comes and goes, does the Knowing remain? Or no?

So, do you come and go along with the mind? Or you stay with the Knowing?

Q: So, if this Knowing is Conscious within these states, like the sleep state and the waking state. And in the sleep state, there was no space, no dimensions…, and now, there is a whole bunch of it…, because of the fact that Awareness is the basis of all experience. So, for example, this hand is here; there’s an awareness of it.

A: What do you mean by ‘awareness of it’?

Q: Awareness of it means there’s a knowing that this hand is here. The experience of the sensations is present here.

A: So, is the experience of the sensations the Knowing?

Q: No. The knowing of these experiences.

A: The knowing of the experience of the hand is Awareness.

Q: Yes. There are these visuals, audio, energy.

A: Yes. The Knowing (that all these energies are experienced) is Awareness. Okay.

Q: But I don’t feel like it is dimension-less. I feel like it is completely into the experience.

A: Because you’re confusing the phenomenal experiencing with the Awareness of them.

Q: So, if I would coin the term, then I would say ‘The space like Awareness’ is here.

A: And it’s like space; it has dimensions like space, Awareness?

Q: Yes.

A: And who knows this? [Silence] What are the dimensions of That which knows this?

Q: [Silence]

A: So, the phenomenal witnessing, the phenomenal experiencing, has been confused as Awareness. You’re perceiving all of this phenomenally. And this Space of Being in which all of this perceiving is going on…, this is also Known. The Knowingness Itself does not have dimension.

Before I Can Be Anything, What Am I?

Before I can be anything at all, what am I? Before I take any position, any perspective, any identity, any role? This question has been pushed away, has been denied in the world. Yet we start getting attracted to this question: who is this ‘I’ that everything else seems to be about?

‘My life, my roles’. Everything is about this ‘me’ but who is this’ me’? ‘My house, my body’…, whose? We seem to be able to push it aside so easily. That’s the miracle, you see? (That’s the magic; I won’t call it a miracle exactly.) [Chuckles]

It’s some sort of magic, that this ‘I’ that seems to be at the center of all of this most of us are not willing to look at that, or look for that. Our knowing itself, (our mental knowing), is a form of denial; our conclusions are a form of denial. ‘I’ cannot be known in this way, just like these eyes cannot see themselves.

The Truth is too much for the mind; basically just too much for the mind. And it comes with all kinds of resistances. First to avoid the looking. Then it comes in the form of resistances. And the form of holding onto the insights themselves, (even if there is the looking). It holds onto these insights from the past, as if it is this that we need to verify who we are. And then it doesn’t even hold onto these insights, it just holds onto the idea that ‘I know something’. All these are basically all the various forms of denial.

So the most simple ones are these basic ones which the mind can throw at you on a day to day basis, which is ‘What’s the point of this? I’m getting nothing. Is this it? But it’s so empty, what can I do with this? Does this mean I’ve found the Truth?’ All of these are the basic ones. [Chuckles].

Then if you have a spiritual experience, then it hangs onto that and says ‘Yes, that’s how it always should be. That which I saw, it was so clear. I was just not there, there was nothing’. In the ‘There was’…, the phrase ‘There was‘ implies that there is something now, so already the mind has won in a way. So, it’s not [about] hanging onto past spiritual experiences, because of what value are they except as pointers to the Now, pointers in the Now for us to be able to check ‘Who am I right now?’

So the first form of resistance is the resistance to the looking itself, then if some clear moments of insight have happened, (even if awakening experiences have happened), the mind quickly wants to jump in and participate in that and say ‘Oh that was so cool, isn’t it? It’s so good what I saw’. [Chuckles] So the instant we find ourselves going to the past to validate who we are then we know that we are falling for a trick. It’s not about what you saw, it’s about who you are Now, who is seeing Now?

And the third form of resistance is when it develops into some sort of spiritual ego; it takes these insights and makes something special out of you. So sometimes I say that ‘Don’t wait for the minds certificate for your Freedom’. But it’s actually sometimes even worse. If you do get that

minds certificate, it’s quite terrible because you have to live up to that idea of ‘the free person’. It’s the most troublesome kind of existence when you have to constantly live up to some idea. Don’t fall for any of this.

Just see what you are right Now. What you are has nothing to do with what you’re believing. What you really are has nothing to do with what you’re believing yourself to be. Even the belief ‘I am Awareness’ is not going to help; the belief ‘I am Nothing’ is not going to help. It is what is your direct experience of Yourself, in this very moment. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now.

The mind gets very irritated when I do this ‘Now, Now’. [It says] ‘Wait, wait, wait, wait; give me a second’ [Chuckles] Okay, let’s try it, huh? I say ‘Now’. You bring your attention to Now, okay? Let’s see what happens.

Now. Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now [Smiles] Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now, Now. How many are still with me? [Laughs] Huh?

We actually hear our mind going ‘Stop, stop, please stop’ [Laughs] or is it mine? I don’t know? [Laughter] So this reliance on some idea…, you start noticing this primal urge to go to this idea, to the next thought, for some meaning, to try and get some conceptual meaning from this life. Can you notice this urge?

So this Here Now…, [Silence] are you spotting it? This urge to believe, this urge to conceptualize, to give meaning, to interpret; how many are spotting it…, so I know I am really getting through? [Sangha members raise their hands] Okay. [Chuckles]

So this one; [Referring to this primal urge] this one has to settle a bit. What can you do about it? Nothing, you see, because if it wasn’t for this urge, then I would say just ‘Okay, just don’t believe your next thought’ …and done! So this urge is the urge to smoke, it is the addiction. So, satsang is a rehab from this addiction primarily. And the more you see this; that you can let go, that you don’t have to pick up the next smoke, then in spite of the withdrawal symptoms, the addiction is actually getting better.

Now what happens is that sometimes it feels like too much, the withdrawal symptoms seem too much, so there is two options that we take without coming to the end of our addiction. There are two escape routes in this rehab center. [Chuckles] There are two doors which we can use to escape. The first door you can use to escape is the door saying ‘Okay, this is not working for me, it’s the same old stuff, I’m out of here, let me live my life, blah, blah, blah, blah’. You see?

The second urge is a conceptual idea; which could be a very Advaita idea. The idea could be something like ‘Oh there is nothing to be done at all’. Nothing to be done at all is a very convenient idea to escape. Because it is true ultimately, but not at the level which it is being understood. You see?

So in the Advaita rehab…, it’s very ironic that one of the escape routes itself is Advaita. Because it can seem a bit uncomfortable when we’re not going with this urge to believe, to give meaning to this world, to ‘My life’. So you give meaning to this that ‘Nothing is going to happen. I get nothing. It’s a complete waste of time. I’m out of satang. It’s a waste’. Or we give meaning to any Advaita idea.

So we must be able to check for ourselves ‘What is really happening? Am I speaking from my recognition in the Now? Or am I speaking from a conceptual place?’ Whatever the concept might be. Because as I was saying yesterday ‘Concepts are presumptions’. So if we continue to believe this presumption, then know that the most basic presumption which everybody believes, (most of humanity believes), is that ‘I exist as a separate entity’. And any other presumption that you’re believing only adds to this base presumption. And if you feed any of these presumptions the nourishment of your belief, then that is the conditioning.

Now I have heard somebody say that ‘How can there be conditioning when there is nobody to be conditioned?’ But you know this conditioning day to day, isn’t it? Every day we see the play of conditioning; we a movie, we get attached to the characters, we want a happy ending. That is conditioning. So then instead of Advaita-ing it away, we must see that ‘Who is it that can get conditioned in this way? Who is it that can get attached to appearances, have aversions to appearances, have likes and dislikes?’ Because just mentally saying ‘There is nobody’ will not help. And it doesn’t help when suffering comes then just to say ‘There is nobody there, there is nobody, there is nobody’ does not really help; unless it is our direct experience in that moment.

That is why I emphasize so much on these two primal powers, the power of attention and the power of belief. Actually even in the denial of them we use the power of belief. So just like when we wake up from sleep, you don’t deny the appearance of gravity and sound and light. Do we deny these physical processes? ‘There is no gravity because there is nobody experiences gravity, there is no sound, there is nobody experiencing sound’. We cannot deny the appearance of these forces in the same way we cannot deny the appearance of the forces of attention and belief.

Whether they are real or not, (that is the next topic), we cannot deny that they are appearing. When we look, and we look, and we look and we look for the root of all of this trouble…, (what trouble? The trouble of person-hood, the trouble of suffering), we find that at the root of all of this is the urge to give meaning, the urge to interpret What Is. And it is only in the giving of meaning, giving of our interpretation to What Is, where we empower this belief of a separate existence. Here is the root of all conditioning.

And there is a lot of emphasis I am noticing on this conditioning, talking about this conditioning here now, because I know that most of you who have been in satsang have had a recognition of who you are, but this conditioning seems to be still sticky and juicy.

So what is it that we are really talking about…, can we put it in simple terms? Our experience is that life seems to appear, all these objects seem to appear, but there’s this conveyor-belt of thoughts which is constantly serving up the interpretation to what is appearing. So the objects are

appearing and disappearing, sensations in the body are also appearing and disappearing; pain, pleasure, grief, joy, bliss are external objects; everything is appearing and disappearing, But there is this conveyor-belt of thoughts, conveyor-belt of interpretations which is constantly offering up your identity to you, because it is only in picking up this interpretation that you pick up your

own identity actually.

So, this urge to pick up the thought is the same as this urge to pick up the next bowl of food from this conveyor-belt. It even feels a bit similar to this. And just this allowing the conveyor-belt to go; whatever it is offering up, allowing it to go, even if you have picked up in the past. It has gone, now don’t pick up the next. Even if you pick up now, don’t pick up the next. That’s all. That is all. And start noticing; what is being served up in your conveyor belt now? It could be thoughts of boredom, it could be thoughts of Advaita. Whatever it is, let it go. This is the dropping of identity.

Now, because you don’t have to do any work in that way, [Smiles] you don’t have to really go and uproot the identity, the conditioning, and throw it out. All you have to do is don’t pick up the next dish which is being served up on this conveyor-belt; no matter how well dressed it is, the best dressing, the best garnish, [Smiles] it could be the most spiritually glorious thought but even that you don’t need. Are you with me when I say the conveyor-belt of thoughts? This is clear? It just comes like this, no? [Anantaji makes a circular hand movement] Just like this, it’s coming, it’s coming.

Just look at this and See; what happens? Can you really presume yourself to be anybody, can you act like you’re the ego? Is there any separation unless you exercise the urge of believing? Really delve into this power of belief. What can you believe? Can you believe an object? Can you believe a sensation? Can you believe your breath? Can you believe your body? No these are just Seen, these are just perceived, experienced. You can only believe an interpretation about any of this.

‘What Is’ just is. ‘What Is’ just is. There is nothing to believe or not in the ‘What Is’. All of you see this? There’s nothing really to believe or not in the ‘What Is’ and yet an interpretation comes which is also just energy, just like anything else. It could be like a sensation in the body but somehow it carries some meaning. But for it to become meaningful, we have to do some work. You see, there is something here which is very primal; this power of belief. Really look at it today.

Okay so the thought is just going [Anantaji moves his hand from right to left] ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. [Laughter] It’s walking along, it is coming and going. What is it that gives it meaning, that makes it meaningful? Is it your attention? If your attention was not on the thought then you would not see it come and go. There is something here which is besides attention. And it’s been used for years and years. It’s been so used it’s become a habit.

And as you start withdrawing this belief, you will find that even your attention is not going so much to these thoughts. Just like if on this conveyor-belt; suppose you started off loving sushi (so this conveyor-belt example comes from a restaurant called Yo Sushi [Laughs] which I heard about, which a cousin of mine told me about it many years ago, and I was very enamored with this concept, so this restaurant called Yo Sushi, they just put the plates of Sushi and next to the table and this conveyor-belt goes. Whatever somebody wants, you just pick up from the conveyor-belt).

So suppose you love fish and you walk into this restaurant; you love raw fish. [Laughs] and you walk into this restaurant. So then what happens is that every, every dish that comes, you want to see. You want to see ‘What’s this, what’s this? Maybe I’ll have this one, maybe I’ll have this one’. This is our perspective at that point of time. Then one day maybe you saw ‘Earthlings’ [A documentary on the treatment of animals] or some movie you saw and you said ‘I’m not going to. I’m going to turn vegan, vegetarian’. Suppose? Then what happens is the first few times when you go, you’ll still have some interest. ‘Oh, this one? Oh, they have this, oh damn, why did I turn vegan?’ So the first few times you go, because your partner or somebody close still eats there. They love it, so maybe you go with them. But the initial few times you’re just looking at it. But after a while, after you became vegan and you settled into your vegan-ism, you find that not so much attention is even going to the conveyor-belt, because you’ve not consumed the fish and you’ve gotten over the habit, we got over this addiction. So then even the interest in checking what’s going on the conveyor-belt starts to reduce.

Now what is happening in most spiritual practices in the world is that they’re saying that ‘Just take your attention away. Bring it on a mantra or on a chakra’ or something, or something, [Smiles] ‘and then you will be free from this addiction’. And I know theoretically it seems like it should be possible, because if you’re able to just master your attention and just keep it, then the question of belief doesn’t arise at all.

But in my own experience here, (although I found great peace and joy in spiritual practices), I didn’t find that I was actually getting some serious mastery over this attention. It seemed to be under control for some time, like mantra chanting, meditation, all these practices; very beautiful experiences. But it was not like after these practice ended the control, the sense of control over attention continued. And although I’ve heard it is possible, it is not my experience and it is not the experience of most of those I’ve met on the spiritual path. But what occurs here is that this ‘belief’ seems much simpler to handle. Although it is clear here also that it’s not just ‘Finger snap, end of belief’ where I say ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ and there’s nothing. [Laughs] Maybe that was a presumption when I started. [Smiles]

So I see that there is the urge here to pick up the Sushi from the conveyor-belt. What to do about it? Just…, your next thought you let that one go. Don’t worry about the one after that. So the mind will come and say ‘But it’s too much, it’s too much’. Just now, it is enough to let go of your next thought. But it is about every Now. [Laughs] Just Now. Because only this Now is.

So, it is basically saying ‘The one that is in front of you, don’t pick that one up. Don’t worry about anything else on the conveyor-belt’. That’s what I’m saying; knowing fully well of course that you can only pick up the one that is in front of you. But that makes this very simple. So, what are we doing? We are not denying anything, we are denying the appearance of these thoughts, we are not denying this power to believe them, but we are allowing What Is to just be what is, with no interpretation, with no conclusion, with no judgment.

And it might sound to you as if I’m saying that the recognition of Who You Are and the dropping of this false conditioning is two separate things, but actually they are completely complimentary. The more we check ‘Who Am I?’ the less belief will go to the interpretations. Because all of these interpretations are presuming You to be a person. So every time we check Who You Are, you will find that there is no person here, and no thought applies to Awareness. This recognition of the Self then empowers your freedom from the habit; and this not believing what the mind is saying makes the recognition also much easier because we are not constantly distracted by our thoughts, we’re not believing anything even about what we are seeing for ourself.

So it is part of the whole. But why I want to look at it like this is because there are many misconceptions; one being that if you have a recognition of who you are, it is the end of the spiritual journey so to speak. But it is not. You could have a very clear insight about who you are and just remain an ‘Advaita Jerk’ for the rest of your life. [Laughs] Or you could just be allowing all your thoughts to go, and never come to this simple recognition in the moment about Who You Are. So, both are important and both are complimentary. They’re not really separate but it makes a little bit of sense sometimes to give some structure and dimension to this so that some clarity comes. That is why I have given you three main pointings, actually.

The first one is to not believe your next thought. Same in what we discussed today; just don’t pick up the tray in front of you on the conveyor-belt of thoughts. Allow it to come and go.

The second is to see that Consciousness is Here. You are Here as Consciousness, as God. And for that we have this question: ‘Can you stop being now?’ [Silence] I find that to be the simplest pointer to bring your attention to your own Holy Presence.

The last one is this simple question: ‘Are you aware now?’ which is beyond even all and any conceptualization, including…, (you cannot even call it Holy Awareness. No concept really applies to this).

So now you see how it all ties in together. Because no concept really applies to you, which is found when we have this recognition. Therefore all concepts must apply to that one which is not you; the presumed you or the imaged you. So this recognition of Who I Am, we can say is retained if we don’t go with our presumed identity; and we can only go with our presumed identity by giving belief to our thoughts.

Play with your belief, play with your belief. See how it functions. Have fun with this stuff, sometimes we become too serious about our spirituality. [Smiles] If I say ‘Okay let’s play a

game. We will believe every alternate thought’…, can we do it? [Laughs] It’s very nice. The first one go, believe the second one; let the third one go, believe the forth one. Every alternate thought, you believe. See: ‘What is this power of belief?’ Don’t just take my word for it. See if there is such a thing that plays.

So we will give this five minutes now. Let’s see how it goes. Believe your alternate thoughts. Okay, so starting now, believe every alternate thought.

[Laughter in the room]

Can’t do it? [Laughs] Yes, why can’t we do it? Because it takes some seriousness. We have to treat our self as a person first and go to the mind and say ‘Yes, this is happening to me’. You can’t just turn it on and turn it off. So you see that to take on this belief, to give these ideas meaning, you have to take on this perspective; this presumed identity. The only way to play as if you’re bound in some way or you’re a person in some way is only, only, only, to believe your next thought.

And many times actually we felt we must make a list of all these resistances that we end up buying, especially in these clear moments when we can see this to be true. Isn’t it? We can see now if this is true when we check. ‘The only way I play as a person is if I’m believing my next thought’. Who doesn’t see this to be true? Okay who does see this to be true? Everyone sees this to be true. So then what happens? Because you’re all here, none of us what to be people again, none of us want to play as the ego, so then what happens? What is it that still has some attraction for us that the mind can offer up?

At one time we were trying to make a list. One of the most popular ones is ‘But what happens to my day-to-day practical life?’ What happens instantly, in that innocent sounding thought, is the biggest trouble you can give to yourself, because there are so many lies in that one thought. The biggest lie, of course you know, is that there is no such me whose life this is. There is no such me.

Second is that ‘This non-existent ‘me’ has had some control over life’…, which itself is a big joke. And then we extrapolate this presumed non-existent past-control into ‘Oh, what’s going to happen to my life if I just give like this? You’ve done such a great job so far’. [Laughs] The non- existent one has presumably had some control and then wants to extrapolate this control into the future. [Laughs] You see what a bundle of lies it is?

And it seems so innocent. ‘But oh what about my day to day practical life?’ Who?! Who are you? Whose life? ‘No, but what’s the point of asking that question? [Laughs] Because you keep saying ‘Me, me, me, mine, mine’. That’s why. [Laughs] We have been told by our mind, and the minds of the seeming others, that ‘It is important and we cannot live without these thoughts’. The appearance is not telling us that. The appearance of our parents mouths might be telling us or our…, but you know what I mean. These flowers are not saying that, this computer is not saying that; the computer just Is. It’s appearing, it is not needing any thoughts. The body just Is. It’s just

appearing, it is not needing thoughts to survive. But right now the mind is coming and saying ‘But, but, but…, but if I didn’t have these thoughts I will not eat’. Who says you won’t eat? Have you tried it?

It’s basically a presumption that there is no intelligence to this realm except this mind. But when we really look, we see that this realm has a lot of intelligence which even the most intelligent minds in the world have not figured it out yet how it functions. They’ve been able to report a little bit on it. They have been able to say ‘Oh, gravity exerts this force on you, light travels at this speed’. But why it does that? Nobody knows. The best minds don’t know. Who came up with gravity, who defined that this constant will be like this? Who defined the DNA structure?

So just because we are able to label things…, they say ‘Oh. We cracked the DNA code’. What did we crack? We have been able to label the entire thing but have we come to any understanding of who created this? What intelligence must it be that made this like this? We just label it ‘Nature’ and say ‘Oh, ah’ because we don’t want to say ‘God’. Because God is too bad [to say] so we just say ‘Nature’. ‘Nature’ sounds better than ‘God’. [Laughs]

So we have not scratched the surface of the functioning of this Universe. But What Is, just is. All that is appearing is appearing and disappearing just like the dream; appearing and disappearing. Just like the interpretations, the subtitles, the commentating about the dream does not bring us to the Truth of who we are.

So this is the most common resistance, ‘What happens to my life? What about my practical life?’ The presumption itself is wrong.

Nothing is More Important Than This Looking

So, in yesterday’s satsang we decided that all of us are going on a ‘no-concept’ diet. No concept diet. Because these concepts, with the illusion of knowing something, with the presumed idea of knowing something, really are a distraction from True understanding and True Knowing-ness. The truth does not need a concept. Therefore, at best, a concept can now be used only to remove other concepts.

So, if we can go on this ‘no-concept’ diet, then very quickly you will find that even the recognition that we have been looking for, the ‘I’ that we have been searching for, it will seem like the most natural recognition, the most natural Seeing. Because It already Is what You Are, therefore it cannot be found in that way; in the minds way of finding something, it cannot be found. It already Is. Therefore what we have to See is What already Is. This that is here, ‘I’ that is here, what is that ‘I’? And soon the idea of trying to find ‘I’ will start to sound funny, it will start to sound ridiculous. ‘I’ goes searching for the ‘I’. [Chuckles] Can we not see what ‘I’ is already here? Who is the ‘I’ that is going searching?

So, the ‘I’ will not be found anywhere in this realm; in the holy places it will not be found, in satsang it will not be found, in the market place of the world it will not be found…, unless we turn it around and look at the One who is looking. Turn it around and look at the One who is looking. Unless you do that, you can be here in thousands of satsangs, and will still be skimming the surface; surfing the waves of beautiful spiritual ideas, feeling a little bit better about ourselves for a while. But that’s not what we’re here for.

Who is the ‘I’ that says ‘I’m looking for the Self’? Is that not the Self? Who is undertaking this journey? What are you to begin with? Where must I go to find myself? You see? So if you are somewhere else and you have to go and find that one, who will embark on this journey? Who is here? Can we establish that before we establish what to do next?

Let’s establish: who is here, right now.

Who is witnessing all of this realm…,

the objects seemingly external and seemingly internal, the objects seeming to be outside the eyes,

and the objects seeming to be inside the eyes?

Which sight are you using to see these?

Which sight sees your imagination?

Which sight perceives your memories?

Through which lens do we look at these; thoughts, emotions, memory, imagination,

all of these internal-seeming objects?

Who is witnessing these?

Where is that one located?

Don’t think about the answer. Look.

For all of these.

And don’t move a step until you establish who this one is.

Who witnesses thoughts, and the space between thoughts?

Don’t begin any journey until you first establish who you are. Don’t go to any spiritual concept, because that is also escapism. Don’t even label what you find.

Just look.

Who is the one that is looking?

Don’t get distracted by anything.

There is nothing more important than this looking.

Don’t interpret or judge anything which is appearing.

Allow the interpretations to come and go.

Find out who is looking.

Is this Witnessing dependent on any appearance?

Drop all reports about what is happening. Allow them to come and go.

And see for yourself whether something is happening to this Witnessing.

Through which eyes do you see your thoughts? Through which senses do you perceive your memories?

What is the form of this Witness?

Where is it located?

What are the size and dimensions of this Witness?

What is Your form?

How do we know of something called form-less-ness?

If everything phenomenal is form,

how do we know there is something which is form-less?

That which is aware of form-less-ness, is that form-less?

Or does it have a form?

The awareness of form and form-less, (saguna and nirguna),

is that form or form-less?

Is that phenomenal or non-phenomenal?

What do You look like?

If the body vanished, it became invisible, then what remains?

Who You Are isn’t in this body.

But what is Your original face?

What has remained unchanged?

Who Am I?

What is my location?

What am I?

Where are my boundaries?

Where do I start?

Where do I end?

[An hour of silence]

Allow everything to come and go.

Remain completely open.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

This Recognition is Un-miss-able

Q: What’s happening here is there is some frustration coming up that I, first of all, just wanted to surrender to you and place at your feet. And there is just this yearning to know the truth which keeps growing every day. But there is a frustration that’s coming up because it seems like the mind is expecting some event or some kind of …, I know you were talking about it in the concept satsang that I heard this morning/yesterday. It seems to be some concept about enlightenment or awakening or finding the truth should be something other than being aware of your Awareness.

So I wanted to surrender that because something here is also noticing that in the mind, and understands that maybe it’s not an event; that maybe it’s just a slow marination until the understanding completely sinks in. But then also there is sometimes…, when the day gets really hectic and crazy; we’re going through some personal transitions, and on those days, the ‘don’t believe your next thought’, that pointer doesn’t really work for me. Because there is just too many thoughts to really focus on and not believing the next one. [Laughter]

So the thing that I use is your third, the third pointer that you were talking about yesterday which is asking ‘Am I aware now?’ or ‘Who am I?’ And somehow that directs the Consciousness or Awareness back to itself for a while. That seems to work better.

But then I was speaking with Ron and he was saying that maybe there is some kind of mental construct forming around that, versus ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ because ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ should be technically the easiest one. So, so, I don’t know…I don’t know. There is some frustration coming up. [Laughter]

A: Yes, yes. Okay, so let’s break this down a little bit because you’ve touched on a few areas. So let’s start with the first one, which is itself an interesting thing to look at. So when you say…, [inaudible]

Q: You were breaking up so I didn’t hear you, sorry.

A: I see, I see. Let me try and repeat. You touched on a few good points. Let’s break it down a bit so we can go one by one.

You say that there is frustration coming up and it is interesting itself to look at frustration as opposed to, let’s say anger or greed or lust. What do we mean when we say frustration, or guilt, or remorse, or regret or pride? How are these so-called emotions different from just anger, irritation, bliss, joy? For guilt, or remorse, or regret, or frustration, pride, grievances…, for all of these, we need to have picked up a concept. It’s almost like we mixed the emotion, which is coming with some idea, and we made guilt out of it, or frustration out of it. For frustration, for example, if you had no idea what it should be, what the outcome is, what Freedom is, how

anything is supposed to turn out then you cannot get frustrated. It’s only if you think you know how something should be, if you think you know that this should work or this should not work, how this works versus how another pointer works. You see? That means that there is already a presumed idea of Freedom, or some outcome either in a situation or in life itself. Frustration is what? Frustration is basically a mini tantrum, isn’t it? [Laughter] ‘I wanted things to be a certain way and they are not that way’. So frustration is just that. The sense that ‘It should be like this by now. Why isn’t getting there?’ or something like this or what it should be like. And then when some feeling of anger or just some tantrum energy is coming up, we mix it with some ideas of outcomes and we say ‘I am getting frustrated’. So, if we didn’t know anything…? Because satsang actually is very, very frustrating for the mind. It has some glimpses of Freedom, it feels like the person will get some Freedom now, but very quickly you come to the conclusion that there is nothing personal which is happening here. And as it’s coming to that, then some frustration will come.

Q: Yeah, and just to your point, I want to also just lay at your feet and expose and surrender this; you’re exactly right. Because when I see other people getting in satsang and I’m not getting it that just irritates me even more, [Laughter] and I just want to expose my mind on that because then I get irritated that I’m irritated that other people are getting it because it should be a sweet thing. [Laughter].

A: [Laughter] Yes, yes. You pick up the first course of the meal and you go through the entire seven courses. First you buy some idea about somebody getting it, then you buy the idea ‘Why I am not getting it?!’ then you buy the idea ‘I should not be jealous of somebody else getting it’ then you buy the idea ‘I’m so unworthy and not only am I not getting it, I’m also unworthy, because I still feel jealous and resentment towards the sangha’.

So you buy this one idea, the starter, you just nibble at the starter, and soon you find yourself eating the Tiramisu at the end of the meal or something. [Laughter]. You see, it’s like this. In all of this, there is no ‘I’ like this who will get it. There is nobody in the sangha, although we can speak getting it, but nobody is getting it personally. If anyone is proclaiming that they got it, personally, then that is just spiritual ego. Because nobody is getting anything. If there is a getting involved then they were not already That.

So there could be two aspects to this. The recognition you yourself, when asking ‘Am I aware now?’ it becomes very clear. Awareness is here. Who is aware of this awareness? Awareness itself, you see.

So this recognition is un-miss-able actually. The recognition is un-miss-able. So, whether your mind certifies the recognition or not, it is impossible to openly ask the question ‘Am I aware now?’ and for the recognition not to happen.

Awareness is here. Who knows that?

Awareness itself.

Who is coming to the recognition?

Your dynamic aspect which is Consciousness.

Don’t try to understand these words because the mental understanding will only be the mind’s attempt to get it. And if it is getting frustrated for not getting it, it is better that it just gives up, trying to get it. So this is the first aspect which is the recognition of the truth of what you are.

So ‘How come there are others who don’t seem like they are victims and I still seem to go along with my mind?’ …, that which we call the dropping of the conditioning or dropping of the belief system of the person. But often I have said that it’s only about the right now. If right now you are not believing what your thoughts are saying then you’re as free as the Buddha ever was. In Right Now. That’s all there is to it, you see. Right now if there is a simple allowing of these thoughts to come and go, it cannot prey on you and you’re as free as the sages.

So you’ll continue to spot it. There are some who don’t seem to be picking up from this conveyer belt of thoughts, and the conveyer belt of thoughts is not even attractive to them anymore. How did they rid themselves of this? Just by not picking up the one that is appearing now. That’s all there is to it. But if you pick up some idea about it then we create separation again. ‘Oh, I am like this, they are like this’. Any idea about this is not serving the truth of what You Are. And the mind will come and say ‘But this is a practice’. Why must I do a practice? Actually it is the dropping of the practice of believing these thoughts. That is the practice, that is the doing. We are dropping this malpractice actually. [Chuckles]

So all that is needed, if at all it is feeling that something is needed, all that is needed is to be open in this moment and allow these thoughts to just be tourists and allow them to come and go. Then you will not be doing the mixing of thoughts and emotions, and making guilt, frustration and all these ‘grade B’ emotions (as I call them). By continuing to do it [picking them up], you will not be rid of them. So by continuing to consume [the idea] ‘Why am I not rid of them? Why am I not rid of them?’…, you are not getting rid of them [Laughter]. It’s just about Right Now. Can we remain open, can we remain in this neutrality of allowing the thought to come and go?

There was one more aspect to your question, which was that between the pointings of ‘Don’t believe your next thought, Can I stop being now, Am I aware now’…, they are all interrelated actually. One is not independent of another. Because even ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ will not work as a personal strategy, you see. If you feel ‘I will just use the technique don’t believe your next thought and I will become free’ it will not work. Because if the presumed idea is that, if the dominant idea is still of being a person, then you will find (just like you are reporting) that when the thoughts come, oh!, then belief just goes there; because there is belief in the idea of personhood.

So if you find the pointing ‘Am I aware now?’ shows you that there is no person here, then as you keep contemplating this question, as you keep recognizing yourself, you will find the other

two pointers more natural and simpler. So the recognition of who we are helps us not believe that which is false. Once we recognize that the sun comes from the east, (although our belief system could be that the sun comes from the west, and the mind keeps repeating it)…, once we check then the next time when the mind comes, you will not buy it so easily. You see? ‘But I saw, I saw it came from the east; I saw there is no person here!’

But still the mind will come with its doubts. ‘Maybe that was just for today. It was an exception. Or maybe you were just faking it, you didn’t really see the sun from the east’. It will come up with all of these objections. Then what to do? Check again. And when you check, you See it comes from the east. So in this way the belief system is also crumbling. And when the next thought comes ‘No, no. Did you really see it coming from the east? Maybe you were just faking it’…, then the belief doesn’t go strongly into this thought.

So it is not necessarily linear although in most it seems easier to drop our belief in the next thought; and initially the pointing ‘Am I aware now?’ seems more abstract. But it doesn’t have to be that way, if you’re getting the moments of recognition that ‘Yes, awareness is here and awareness is aware of it and I, as Being, am coming to this recognition’.

Even without this explanation, many times you’ll see that ‘Something just becomes peaceful but I am not able to explain what happens’. Don’t worry about the reporting and the explanation. This recognition is happening with this pointing and you’ll find automatically the belief will not go so much because none of your thoughts apply to the formless Awareness. All thoughts are about forms. Even the thought ‘I am formless’ implies that there is a form which is now formless or something like this.

Who is the one that is trying to become free?

Who is trying to use these pointers?

Q: Yeah, that one is, that one is observed as well.

A: As what?

Q: Hmm.

A: How do you observe it? Is it even observed? Or is it just presumed? [Laughter]

Q: I mean, I, ha…, that’s a good question. It’s…, I can see in my mind sort of like when I look at it…, I want to say in mind’s eye but that doesn’t seem right. I can see myself doing the seeking. So that’s what I mean when I say ‘It’s observed’.

A: Ok, let’s slow it down, let’s slow it down. So you say ‘I see myself seeking’. Actually you’ll find that this thought ‘I’m seeking’ can come and go. The thought is Seen. The movements of the body are Seen. What is it, this mix of what you are calling ‘I see myself seeking’? Is this the

movement combination, the body-mind complex, that we say ‘I see myself seeking’? Is the body-mind you? Or is it just a set of appearances?

Q: I see that there is some greater space from which this body-mind is doing its seeking thing and praying thing and frustration thing. Like I see it from some, some space above it, if you will.

A: Yes, but do you see the seeker? Or are you calling the seeker just this body-mind combination?

Q: I’m just calling this body-mind combination the seeker but I haven’t identified a physical entity called the seeker. [Laughter]

A: Yes, yes, because it doesn’t exist; because it doesn’t exist, you see? The body is just an appearance, and right now it is experienced as a set of sensations. Thoughts are just appearances, coming and going. So, there is no entity which makes up this body-mind. They are both just appearances.

When there is a thought, we call it the mind. When there is no thought, there is no mind. When there is an experience of a sensation of the body then there is body. When there is no sensation experience, there is no body. There is no ear unless I experience some sensation of the ear. This is our experience, isn’t it?

Q: Right.

A: You see? So the seeker is just a presumed entity; just a presumption that is a supposed owner of this body-mind or the supposed combination of this body-mind. But there is no such entity. The body is just the body. It is not seeking anything at all. The mind is going; so when a thought is there, we call it mind. When thought is not there, we call it no-mind.

There is no seeker. That’s why I prefer to say that the ego is just a presumption, rather than actually seen. Not even in imagination it is seen.

Q: So where is this yearning coming from, this yearning for the truth? Is that the seeker creating this? Or is it coming from somewhere else?

A: The yearning is the sweet longing to drop this false identity, which is like Consciousness itself saying ‘I’m done with this play’ or the child saying ‘I am tired of this playground, I want to get back home’. So the yearning you will find…, if it is what I feel it is…, this longing or this yearning you will find that it has a different quality as compared to frustration; this yearning, this longing for freedom. This is just your inner alarm clock saying ‘This play is getting too tiresome, now it’s time to rest at home’.

Now don’t give this one to the mind because it will make an idea of what the yearning wants or what the longing wants; and then when it feels like it’s getting to that idea, then it will feel a sense of specialness. And then when it feels like ‘It doesn’t look like I’m getting there’ then it will create a sense of frustration. So, don’t give it to the mind at all. Let the yearning, longing be. It’s all part of the same grace which is getting you to satsang, that has made you open to the inquiry. It’s all part of that same grace.

We’re Looking for Something Which is Always Here

Here you are, and in this there is nothing missing. We are looking for something which cannot disappear, that is always here, and as long as we keep looking for it seemingly outwards, then we will not find it in this way. Where must the feet walk to find the feet? Where must the hands go to find the hands? But before you go looking for the Self, you already Are. And you always will Be. That is the unchanging.

The unchanging is never changing, by definition. That makes it so simple, doesn’t it? The Unchanging, the Eternal, the Unborn. Then can we find it in the realm of the changing? So what is not changing? What is not changing?

[Anantaji reads an answer from the sangha on the interactive chat columns]: The real ‘I’ is not changing. Awareness, you are answering. Yes, very good. Is the changing effecting the unchanging in any way? [Smiles] So if that which is changing is not affecting the unchanging in anyway; the real ‘I’, this Awareness is unchanging even through the change of states, through all experiences. You are not changing. World is changing body is changing, thoughts are changing, the states are changing. That which Witnesses them, That which is Aware of them…, That remains unchanged, no matter what. And you see this.

Every time you check (for most of you who have been in satsang) every time you check you find this unchanging Awareness. Between yourself and this Awareness, [is there any distance?]

So once the recognition is there, how is it that you still manage to make yourself suffer? The mind offers an escape route. When this question is asked, and the recognition is there, then how is it you still manage to make yourself suffer? The first response is from the mind. ‘No, I cannot suffer because I am the unchanging Awareness. I cannot suffer’. The second can be to check and to see; what is at the root of this suffering? Because every time I check, I recognize that I am this Awareness which cannot suffer in any way. Suffering is an alien concept for That which I truly Am.

So what can happen is…, ‘What is it that convinces me that life should be different, should be not how it is appearing?’ Is life itself the appearances called life? Is life itself saying it should be different? It is just what it is.

It is just what it is, and nothing is resisting that. We’ve all found ourselves in very difficult seeming-situations, and in those situations the responses that were required also came and the outcomes that were meant to happen also happened. So what is it that is constantly saying ‘Not like this, not like that, I wish it was like this, I wish it was like that’ or ‘This is wrong, this is very good. I want this, I don’t want this’? We’ve gotten used to this voice, you see? And even now it could be going ‘Yes, yes, no, no, yah, yes, no, yes, this is good! No, really?’ So this one, [Smiles] if we rely on this one for validation of who we are, and whether we are on the right track or not,

then we just going to be led down the garden path again and again on this merry-go round of individuality.

So the recognition is very clear. And yet it is habit to believe, to identify; and that is magic, some sort of divine magic, leela, that, that one that we cannot find, that has become our addiction. And This that is always here, this seems like effort. [Smiles] That which we cannot find seems to have become more natural, and that which is effortless seems to become hard work; so much so that the inclination is to find freedom for the non-existent one, because one day maybe it will become so happy that maybe it will shut up. It won’t. [Laughs]

You tried catering to every need of this non-existent one whose only representative is this minds voice. The stomach is never full; always ‘What’s next? What’s next? What’s next? This is good, this is bad, I want this, I want to keep this, I don’t want to lose this, I don’t want this’.

[Silence]

What is here that is prior to any of this? And we have bought a lot of lies from this mind and from the minds of seeming others; even things like ‘Without the mind you would not eat, you would not take care of this body’. It’s not true. Suppose the mind suddenly started speaking Albanian or something…, if the mind stopped speaking (whatever language, English, whichever language your mind is speaking), and suddenly started speaking another language, would you forget how to eat? Would you not experience hunger? Life is going on independent of this mind. The mind is just an instrument that interprets and makes patterns where none exist. Everything is just a movement in Consciousness. That is the only pattern; that it is all one Being, one Consciousness.

The mind is designed to make an individual story where none really exists. To play at the identity is to just float on the surface, never really looking at the ocean of Consciousness on which this tiny speck called the body/mind is floating.

To the mind, this emptiness is a very scary concept. And as you’re recognizing yourSelf, you’re recognizing that you’re empty of all desire, all plans, all aversion, all opinion; empty even of all spiritual knowledge. And the mind fears this emptiness. So it is in this moment that it offers you a piece of candy. And it is in this moment that God chooses to remain as God, or God chooses to pretend to be a person; just Now, in this moment. This is what I want you to see: This ‘right Now’ I Am un-associated Being.

There are no conditions to your existence. There is no lack, there is no judgment, there is no freedom, there is no bondage. Just Now, this divine moment, you are God.

Have your own Darshan. Let the fear come if it has to, let the world burn if it has to. You stay Here. Don’t expect, don’t push, don’t avoid. Simply allow, remain open. Have no concept about yourself.

[Silence]

It’s all about this: Just Now. It’s only about this.

[Silence]

Appearances are appearing. You remain untouched.

[Silence]

Not waiting, not trying; not getting anything.

[Silence]

Only I am here. There is no ‘you’ or ‘me’.

[Silence]

Not resisting, not believing.

[Silence]

You are Here Now.

[Silence]

Drop all ideas.

There is nothing you have to do.

[Silence]

Can you lose this?

Can you be lost?

[Silence]

If you sense some suffering, it only means that you have picked up a belief. You cannot suffer without belief. You cannot suffer without an idea of you. It does not need an idea. And if you still feel that you can hold onto some idea and then drop this conditioning; that is not possible.

This Liberation, the ending of conditioning, is the ending of all concepts about yourself.

All About the Right Now – Your Own Presence

Okay, so this point that I have been making, that just right now: it’s all about the right now! And know that I am not speaking about…, like mostly in the world when we are talking about ‘Now, now’ we are talking about the content of the appearance. I am not speaking about the content of the appearance.

I am just saying that, in this moment, you are aware of your own existence! You are tasting your own Presence!

And there is nothing personal about this Presence.

All sensations and sounds and everything is being experienced; and still no person!

Therefore we don’t need to get rid of a person, it is just recognized that there is no person! And because we have this power of belief, we can believe it into presumed existence! So that’s all that is happening!

We all see this? [Smiles] I can repeat (this) many times. I am happy to do this. For the next 10 years I can keep repeating just this point, because this is the crux of what I am talking about.

Just now, you are aware of your own existence.

There is existence, you are tasting your own presence, and no person is here!

All appearances are coming, sensations, sounds, everything, and still no person!

It’s only the power of belief that brings this non-existent one into its ‘presumed’ existence! That’s all that is happening!

You see this? That’s all that needs to be seen.

I am aware of my existence! [Silence]

Don’t take on any role! Don’t take on any intention! Don’t take on any journey!

Whatever the mind is saying, let it go!

Whatever feelings are coming, let them come, stay for as long as they like, and go! No pulling, no pushing!

Some fear can come, let it also come! Don’t buy any story about this fear! Don’t buy any escape from this situation! Allow everything to play itself out!

This is the true meaning of ‘Be quiet!’

Whether your mind is screaming or whispering, let it go!

Belief in Thought Supposes That a Separate Entity Exists

What she said was ‘To go with my interpretation is actually an avoidance of giving it to you’.

This is very, very beautiful. When we go with our interpretation of something, our belief about something, it is avoidance. It is not surrender.

So surrender means that we don’t have any concept of what is, we don’t have any interpretation of what is, we don’t have a judgment about what is. What is, just ‘Is’. So when we buy our own ideas, then it is not surrendered at the Master’s feet.

This is very good. This is why the pointer is ‘Don’t believe your next thought’. Because in our belief in our thought, we are picking up our individuality. You see?

Why do I emphasize on this point so much? It is not because of what the thought might be reporting in terms of ‘the appearance is wrong’. It is not because of that. It is because what is presumed because of it is that you exist as a separate entity.

All thoughts are of a separate entity.

The one that needs these thoughts does not actually exist.

And anytime we go with our concepts and beliefs, interpretations and judgments then we have shifted away from the surrender position and we have said ‘This is mine. This thought is mine. It is meaningful to me’.

It’s never real; it’s just a presumed idea.

You Remain Empty

Q: So I had some confusion come up recently and I need to, I feel called to get it resolved. I actually have two questions but I’m going to start with the one thing that I’m pretty confused about, and that is, you know, when you…, let’s say you’re trying to figure out some practical issue, (and that’s not the only place where this came up), like whether I should quit my job and move on to do something else or something like that. I’m getting to the point where, I’m not sure, because there’s always two voices; one telling you to do one thing and one telling you to do another thing. And the inquiry doesn’t seem to work really well there because you don’t know which voice to trust. And then today too, like, I was going for a walk and suddenly this insight, (what felt like an insight), came that really ever since I started walking on this path, the only thing that I really can be sure of is that I don’t know anything. [Laughter]. But then I started wondering if this wasn’t …,

A: [Laughter]

Q: What was that sorry?

A: [Inaudible] Are you sure you don’t know anything? Not even this you can be sure of. [Laughter]

Q: Right, right, that’s exactly right. And then I was like ‘Is this really an insight or is this my mind telling me that I don’t know anything?’ So that’s the question. I don’t know if there’s any voice in there that’s trustworthy anymore. [Laughter]

A: [Laughter] Yes. As long as it is not clear which voice is the Satguru voice or the intuitive voice, then drop both of them. If it is hard to distinguish which is the voice of my mind and which is the voice of my intuitive Presence, the Spirit, the Satguru, whatever word you want to call it, then it is better to drop all voices. Because your intuitive presence is not in a rush, it is not expecting an outcome right then. I know that the mind poses, (sometimes very effectively, in fact very authoritatively), as if it is your spiritual guide or your spiritual master. In fact, especially after you start coming to satsang, the mind will start taking the words of satsang and start saying that ‘This is what you must do. Now see, you’re believing your thoughts. You’re not supposed to believe your next thought’. The mind itself starts playing as if it is the teacher, you see.

Q: Yeah.

A: You’re completely right that there comes a time when it seems a bit indistinguishable between the voice of the mind and the voice of the Presence, the intuitive Presence. So it is best in those cases to drop both of them. Don’t go with any voice, don’t believe anything it is saying and just see that life continues to unfold in some way or the other.

And then what might happen is that as you stop believing any voice, you’ll find that this intuitive sense becomes stronger and stronger. But the funny thing about intuition is that as it gets stronger, our interest in trying to control our life in practical matters also reduces. [Chuckles] So, so I can’t actually imagine going to the Satguru within and saying ‘Father, what to do about my job?’ You see, that interest is not there.

Know that whatever is moving is happening through His will anyway, His grace anyway. And then you’ll find that as this intuitive voice becomes stronger, you’ll not be able to make use of it for anything seemingly personal. See that it’s here just so that it can share this Presence, share the words of satsang and point all those who come to your Presence to the truth of who you are and who they are, which is one.

So that’s a bit funny about this, that as this intuitive presence becomes clearer, more obvious, more natural, you’ll find that the interest in trying to control the movement of the flow of your life and seeking guidance about what your next step should be actually reduces. So, you find that…,

Ok, I’m going to share something very candidly with you. I know that without a doubt that this intuitive Presence knows the future. I know that without a doubt that this intuitive Presence knows the future and sometimes it gives you glimpses of it and things like this. But I cannot find it here ‘Please tell me what’s going to happen tomorrow. What’s going to happen about this?’ I just don’t have that. I find it very funny when I hear reports about, you know, people predicting. Saying ‘This is what the future will be like, this is what you must do’. Because here I just don’t have that sense. It sort of feels like the sanctity of the Presence here is broken if I go to it with some sort of personal request and personal ideas. And just this also, the personal fear about what’s going to happen here, (about money or relationships or the body); the sense of fear about it has gone. It does not seem like this concern about what is going to happen to this body, or to the mind, or to relationships is here.

So as you go through this handing over of power from the mind to the Presence, you’ll find that, we wish that we had a voice which could tell us what to do and what the future will be like; but when that presence becomes strong, that interest in wanting to know what to do and what the future looks like itself starts to diminish to a great extent.

Q: So, so until this intuition deepens like you’re saying, should we, practically…, would say that just going with any course of actions and just trusting God and just saying ‘Okay, this seems right’ and picking one and not getting caught too much in a mental space. Is that sort of what you would recommend?

A: Yes, yes, this is what I would say just to make it simpler for you. It is exactly what Bhagavan also said, which is that as long as you feel like that you have some choice, as long as you are still believing that you are the doer of your actions, then make the choice not go along with your thoughts. That is the only choice you have to make.

So, when I say ‘Don’t believe your next thought’…, actually it makes all of this quite simple. At least that’s how it seems here. I know that it’s been reported that it’s not that simple. [Laughter] But it feels here that as long as there is a sense that ‘I can do something, I have some choice’ then the only choice I have to make is to not believe what my thoughts are saying.

Everything else is moving on its own. And in this just letting go of the next thought, you’ll find that this concept of choice-making and doership itself starts to lose power. So all you have to do is not believe your next thought; no matter what the situation is, no matter what the world is expecting of from you, no matter what you don’t know…, whether you’re going to go into your job and say ‘I quit’ or ‘I’m going to stay for 10 years’. Guruji also shares this story isn’t it? Where his supervisor at the college or school came to him and said ‘You have to do this, you have to do this’. He just found his mouth moving saying ‘I quit. I can’t do this’. [Laughter] He was wondering ‘Where did that come from?’

Q: Yeah, yeah.

A: So life always moves in the way it is meant to move. It is the presumed choice-maker, presumed decision-maker, which is false. And in believing our next thought, we take on the role of this presumed decision-maker, imagined decision-maker. But you’ll come to the discovery that there is no such thing! All of this world is actually one movement of Consciousness. The entire world is one movement of Consciousness.

There is also a law in physics that every time you change the energy level of one atom, the rest of the universe has to adjust itself energetically to that change of energy. So, every atom is interrelated, co-related. So, imagine that if you just warm up your hands a bit, you’re changing the edge of the universe and every atom between here and that. So, this physical realm is…, (even physicists are coming to similar conclusions as Advaitans actually, to say that) all of this is one energetic movement. Just like there is one ocean with seeming waves and when the wave is going up and crashing against the rock and things…, You say ‘There is no wave, there is only ocean. But ‘I am crashing against the rock. What do you mean there is no wave, only ocean?!” But the discovery comes that this is Oneness; the One Being, One Consciousness that is moving.

How Do You Know That You Are Aware?

The mind hates the recognition; hates the recognition! So the instant you get into the clear Seeing of who You Are, which is available any instant, it has to jump in with some tantrum. Either while your being lazy…, ‘Do something!’ Or ‘I don’t want to do something; I want to be lazy’.

That’s why these days we’ve been focusing so much not just on the recognition, (because I feel that the recognition of who You Are is available for most of you), but on not picking up this instant conditioning which shows up almost immediately.

The question ‘Are you aware now?’ is meant to provoke some looking, some Seeing. Very quickly the mind comes as the reporter, and it’s very quick to say that nothing happened. ‘Oh, I saw that I am aware, but so what?’ You see? So, everything, actually! Not ‘So what?’ …, So, everything! You recognize yourSelf as awareness. Awareness is aware of Itself…, is the only non-phenomenal experience; (if we can even call it that).

Nothing from the mind is worth picking up about this. How do you know that you are aware? You See it? How do you know you are aware? Is it an experience? Is it phenomenal? You see? How do we know that we are aware?

That which is ever-present is always taken for granted. So a rare one has looked at this question: how do I know of my awareness? In what way do I know?

And I’m sure for many of you, the mind could be going ‘Chatter, chatter, chatter’ because it hates this stuff. I’m saying ‘How do you know that you are aware?’ and it’s going ‘Blah, blah, blah, blah’. [Laughs] So boring, so dull. That which is the origin of life, even prior to the origin of life, the most pristine, the most pure, the most innocent, the simplest Seeing, the mind says ‘Blah, blah. What’s in it for me? What’s in it for me? So what if I’m aware? What about my problems?’ And Guruji says ‘We don’t even know our problems 3 problems ago’. Just distraction, you see, these ideas; comparing, judging. The mind believes itself to be so special that that which is truly special and pristine; that it avoids.

Don’t avoid this question. Which mouth it is coming from doesn’t matter; how it is being expressed doesn’t matter.

How do you Know of this Awareness?

Are you aware of it?

Who are you that is aware of Awareness?

Who is the ‘I’ that says ‘I am aware’?

Don’t run from this recognition.

Allow your attention to dive into this, to merge into this.

Who are you?

Who is aware?

Don’t believe any report. Just keep looking. See for yourself. The inquiry is not about coming to a mental conclusion about something. No mental conclusion ever helps with anything.

Who is aware?

Who is aware?

Don’t question the question. Look for the answer.

Who is aware now?

Is it not You?

What do you look like?

Where are you located?

What is your form?

Are you an object sitting inside your head?

Who would see this?

From what did you arise?

Who am I?

What is here now?

Who is looking at what is here?

Who is aware of what is here?

What is here now?

Do you exist?

Or no?

Are you aware of your existence?

Don’t visualize; don’t create anything.

If you can’t avoid mental imagery, ask yourself: ‘Who is aware even of this image?’

Whether it is white light or dark space, it is not in that. Who is aware of even these?

In a conceptual framework, it is not.

In a visual framework, it is not.

Who are you?

Can you stop existing?

Now. Can you not exist now?

Who is aware of this sense of existence?

Where do you start from?

What is your end?

Where are your boundaries?

Where does this idea of me come from? ‘Me, me, me’.

Check for yourself. Look for yourself. Don’t go with any theory.

Who is this ‘me’…,

the one with likes and dislikes, desires and aversions, guilt and pride? Who is this one?

The Most Important Question I Can Ever Ask You

Q: My question is, the awareness that you were talking about, now, I’m aware of everything that’s around me, I’m aware of my thoughts. Is it the same awareness that you’re talking about? Is it the same? Or not?

A: This is a very good question. I enjoy very much that your first question itself is this one.

You say ‘I’m aware of thoughts, I’m aware of the world, I’m aware of even my Being. I’m aware of all of this content’. So let’s keep the content aside for some time; the ‘of’ this and the ‘of’ that…, keep that aside.

Now, we say ‘aware’. I’m aware of them. So, what is the meaning of this word aware?

Q: I am conscious of their presence.

A: You are conscious of their presence. And that which knows that you are aware of these objects, is which one? So, you’re aware of… whatever. But who knows of this awareness?

Q: Who knows this awareness? I’m aware that I’m aware.

A: You’re aware that you’re ‘I’ that is aware. Is that separate from awareness? Find this ‘I’.

Q: Yes.

A: It’s okay, take your time. This is the most important question I can ever ask you, so it doesn’t matter that it is the first question. You can relax into it.

You say very naturally that ‘I am aware that I am aware’. So I ask you ‘This ‘I’ that is aware of Awareness Itself…, which is this one?’

Q: Does awareness have a quality of sight to it? In other words…

A: Even sight, you are aware of.

Q: Not outside sight, but aware of the awareness, that is…

A: So, are you aware now?

Q: Yes.

A: Have you answered the question?

Q: I’m aware.

A: Yes. And how do you know this?

Q: I’m conscious.

A: Even this Being comes later, isn’t it? You’re aware even of Being.

There’s a difference between the two questions: Can you stop being now? Isn’t it? Can you stop being?

Q: No.

A: Because you’re aware of your Presence, of your Consciousness. Isn’t it? How is this question different from ‘Am I aware now?’

Q: Can you please repeat?

A: Yes. The first question was: Can you stop being now?

And the second question was: Am I aware now?

Can you sense a difference between these two questions?

Q: No, I can’t. Because what is Being? What is Being? I know I’m aware. And what is Being?

A: You know you cannot stop being. Just stop being for 10 seconds. Can you do it?

Q: No, I can’t.

A: Is it feeling the same? Is it being sensed as the same as saying ‘I cannot not be aware for 10 seconds’? Is there a qualitative difference?

Q: Between ‘I’m aware’ and I’m Being’…, and Being? I don’t know.

A: Okay, so let’s go back to our first question. You say ‘I am aware that I am aware’. And we said ‘Who is this ‘I’ that is aware of Awareness?’

Q: Uh huh.

A: Let’s look at that one.

And, like I said, no rush. Relax into the question; See. Don’t think about it. You see, thinking was just a presumption. Here, we’re contemplating; which means that we’re really Looking. Because it’s very natural to say ‘I am aware. I am aware even of this Awareness’. But this ‘I’ is which one?

Q: I don’t know what to call it or what it is. I’m sorry. I don’t…

A: Is it that you can see it, but it doesn’t have a label? What exactly is the problem? Is it the label that you don’t have? Or is it that it is not Seen?

Q: At this moment, I’m aware that I’m aware of something.

A: Yes. And this ‘I’ is which one?

The ‘of’ something is changing, so let’s leave that ‘of’.

The ‘I’ that is aware is which one?

Q: I don’t know. I’ve never been with this…

A: And yet we call it ‘I’. You see? And yet we call it ‘I’. It’s undeniably ‘I’ isn’t it? So this one is the root of what we are talking about in satsang.

Okay, so let’s do another approach. I tell you the answer, and you try to prove me right or wrong.

Q: Okay.

A: I tell you that it is ‘I-as-Awareness-Itself’ which is aware of Itself.

Q: Hmmm.

A: Therefore, ‘I’ is Awareness, aware of Itself.

Now, you can prove me wrong or right, just by checking.

Q: [Silence]

A: You cannot get there with the mind. Just look. Who is aware? I already said it is Awareness Itself.

Q: I would say there’s nothing else. There’s no other thing that is. Yes…

A: Therefore, this ‘I’…, is it a thing? Or no-thing?

The ‘of’ is all things; the ‘of’ is all things. Isn’t it? All phenomenon.

Q: Yes. It’s not. It’s not.

A: It’s not. And where are You in all of this? Are you a thing? Or no-thing?

Q: I’m …, I’m a no-thing, of course. But I’m often identified with the one that is …

A: Very good, very good. So, you say ‘I am no-thing, of course, but I am often identified’. So, how do you do this magic? How do you get identified?

Q: By a thought that arises.

A: Okay, so a thought comes ‘I’m a green Martian’. Did you get identified? [Laughs] Because if it was just by arising of thought you were to get identified, then you would be all over the place. The thoughts can say anything. Then?

Q: This is my theory. Consciousness has the attribute of identifying. It identifies with all that.

A: Yes. And what is this Consciousness?

Because we said ‘I am this Awareness, which is no-thing’. Then where did Consciousness come from? What is this?

Q: Yes, you’re right.

A: No-thing can’t get identified; then there is something called Consciousness. Now, what is this Consciousness?

We’re unraveling this entire thing for you.

Q: Yeah. Thank you very much. Consciousness I would say is the entire content within the entire space in which things arise.

A: Yes. Where is this space?

Q: Within.

A: Within what?

Q: [Laughs]

A: If everything arises within This…, then This can be within What?

You already said ‘It is the space in which everything arises’. And I said ‘Where is this, in which everything arises?’ [You say]: ‘Within’.

Q: I’m identified with the body, and so I say ‘within… the space of the body’.

A: Within the body.

Q: Yep.

A: So, if I call a surgeon, I will find this Consciousness? Which part of the body?

Q: It’s formless, so I can’t…

A: Then how can it be within the body if it’s formless? Only form can be within form, isn’t it? Body is form. So that which is formless, how can it be within the form?

Q: The space…, I can only say ‘space’…,

A: Just look. I’ve given you a clue, which is that you cannot stop Being.

So, this Beingness is Consciousness.

Taste your own Beingness, and find out if anything is experienced outside of this Being? Q: Nothing is experienced outside the Being.

A: And the body is within the Being? …, Or the Being is within the body?

Check for yourself: How do you experience the body? A set of sensations, and a visual experience.

Q: Yes.

A: All of this is outside the Being? Or within the Being?

Q: I would say it extends beyond the body. It extends beyond the body.

A: Ah. Where does it extend until?

Q: [Laughs]

A: What are the limits of this?

Q: No limits.

A: No limit. Okay. So then, there is an awareness of even this Being, isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A: Are you just saying because I’m saying? Or…?

Q: No. Awareness is of the body, and of the Being. Yes.

A: It is.

Now, is there a time where you don’t experience this Being? (From memory, you can say). Q: When I’m sleeping.

A: Okay. Yeah? Very good. So then, when you wake up, what happens?

Q: When I wake up, the memory of the ‘I’ comes back again.

A: Is there a memory without there first being a sense of ‘I Am’ or Being? What is the primal appearance?

Q: I Am. Yes.

A: First You Are, then all the objects can come.

Q: Right.

A: So, then what happens? So, you’re Being…, are you already identified?

Q: I’m identified the minute the memory comes back.

A: Okay, memory comes. How do you identify?

Q: Through a thought.

A: Okay. So thought came. How do you engage with a thought?

So, a thought came, which is an energy construct. It’s saying that ‘I’m a very good person’ or something. [Chuckles] Then what happens? How do you engage with this thought? It’s walking about ‘I am a good person’. How do you engage with this energy?

Q: Basically, I guess I believe, I identify with it.

A: So, there are two forces that engage with this thought. The first is the force of attention. You see? Attention goes to it and attention is a very sticky ‘animal’ to deal with. The more you try to control it, the more it seems to get out of control. But this is the first force.

But just because attention has gone to it, doesn’t mean that automatically the second force also goes: which is belief.

Do you see this? Because attention can go to any thought; like I said earlier ‘I’m a green Martian’. The thought can come, and we have Seen that attention has gone to it. Then we need to believe it, isn’t it? You see?

Q: Yes.

A: So, the power of belief is what we use to identify or to condition ourself.

So this Awareness, then is appearing as Being and experiencing its own Being. And within this space of Being, within this play of Being, there’s the appearance of all of this realm, including the appearance of the energy called thought.

And this Being, with the power of its attention and belief, is pretending to be [you] Savitha.

Q: Yes.

A: Right now, you cannot become Savitha unless you think about it. You have to think about it.

So, this is the play. So, God pretending to be a person is God believing its next thought.

Q: There is a thought that there is always memory, so memory is going to tell me that ‘I’m Savitha’.

A: Yes, but just like this realm is appearing, the images of memory can also appear, or imagination can also appear. But without the interpretation of these in the form of thoughts, and Consciousness believing the interpretation, you cannot identify as Savitha. Even if memories are coming from childhood, they’re just appearances; they’re just appearing. But unless there’s an interpretation…, (‘This was good, it happened to me when I was a kid’ or ‘Not good, it happened to me’)…, no identification is being created.

You can check all of this, play with all of these things, experiment with them. And see this play of attention, belief…, therefore leading to identification.

But you know what the good news is? In This Moment, you are Free…

Q: [Chuckles]

A: …unless you pull the next bit of identification, the tree of identification, already underwater.

Q: But unless this is the main mode in which I function, I will be confused with play of…

A: There are two things are happening here. One is that you’re coming to the recognition of What You Are. So when we were checking ‘Who is aware? Who is aware? Who are you?’ …, that is to provoke the recognition of who You Are.

And the second is the dropping of the false conditioning, the belief system, about what we believe ourself to be. Isn’t it?

So recognition; you were saying. The more you come, the more you’ll recognize who You Are.

And the more you are letting go of these thought, you will find that it is going to become more and more difficult for you to presume yourself to be a separate entity or the ego.

Q: Hmm. But now the Consciousness is looking outside, so it is constantly avoiding that. Now, is it possible…, what does it mean, the saying ‘Look at the one who’s looking’?

A: We saw this, no? You say that ‘Consciousness is doing this’. Are you aware of it? Or no?

Q: Yes.

A: Yes. So, ‘That which is aware… who is That one?’ …, is the same question as ‘Look at who is looking’.

Q: Accha. Is that all awareness is then? I mean…

A: Is that all it means? [Laugh together]

Q: Can I ask you a question? Is the ‘I Am’ not working in you?

A: It is only the ‘I Am’ that is functioning in this realm.

Q: I mean to say, the egoic identity. Is it…?

A: It’s mostly not functioning. Nobody can say 100%.

Q: I see. [Chuckles]

A: So, what does that mean? It only means if you report back from the last few years, you find that most thoughts have not been believed in, they have just been allowed to come and go. Therefore, I’m not identified as this separate entity for some period of time now. I cannot predict about the next minute, or tomorrow; I’m not making any proclamation. I’m just reporting from what has been seen here.

Q: How do I know more about the Awareness that I Am? Because I have to know for myself that I’m not a separate…, this is not a separate identity? That I have to arrive…, I would say, there’s need to arrive at That.

A: Okay. If you leave That and show me, then I will tell you how to arrive at That. Leave Awareness. Don’t be aware. Leave It. Can you do it?

Q: Yeah. I can do that. [Laughs]

A: [Laughs]

Q: I leave it a lot. [Laughs]

A: Let’s see…

Q: [Silence]

A: Not happening?

Q: No. [Laugh together]

A: You see, because it cannot happen. Even to say that ‘I was not aware’…, who would say that? That one who is aware that I was not aware. Yeah?

So, this is the back-drop to everything. The entire play of Consciousness is happening in the back-drop of Awareness. So, you cannot leave it.

Q: That’s awesome. [Giggles]

The mind gives you this task, it says that ‘Okay, now you Saw it. Now you better just Be in That’. You see? So…, instead of that: See how you can leave That.

Like you said, you can only pretend to leave by buying what your thoughts are telling you, because all thoughts are speaking to you as if you are a separate entity.

But this one, you can’t find. Savitha, can you find?

Q: No, I can’t.

A: But…

Q: I would like to know…, I mean, I would like to dwell in it more. I mean, because I’m not willing to give up my life situation. So, is it possible to dwell…?

A: The ‘I’ that doesn’t want to give up the life is which one?

Q: It’s the one that’s identified with it; the beliefs.

A: It’s the voice of the identification itself, you see, the mind itself. It says ‘Yes, yes. This is cool stuff, but you know, don’t change my life!’ [Laughs] … Whose voice is this?

Q: Yeah.

A: Just the mind, isn’t it?

Q: Yes.

A: Because Consciousness is projecting this entire Universe, is doing everything. But the mind comes and says ‘But, hey, don’t mess up my life, okay?’

Q: Thank you so much.

A: Thank you, my dear.

Satsang is Rehab for Addiction to Belief in Thoughts

Q: There’s also a wanting to explore this energy of addiction. It really is similar to food, or when I remember I used to smoke; this energy pulling back to the mind and belief in it. Can we look at this energy?

A: We’ve been speaking about this; to see that there seems to be this very, very basic urge to give belief to these thoughts. And it is my feeling that all of us must be able to look at this; to see what happens when a thought comes. Is it just the attention which goes on it? Or is there also an urge to believe it; especially when it seems like it is meaningful?

It is this urge, this addiction, which makes the simple pointing ‘Don’t believe your next thought’ almost impossible for many.

And just to bring our attention to it actually is enough, because this power of belief, mis- identification, conditioning, likes to operate in the dark. ‘Quickly, quickly’, the transaction. It’s just like the buying of drugs or something, it happens in the dark, quickly; finished. As we bring our attention to this, we can see it now. Playfully; not to make serious business out of it, just playfully check. Remain in your neutrality and your emptiness. Allow all thoughts to come and go. [Silence] And see how belief actually operates.

Many of you will often find that in satsang the urge is not so strong, because the energetic Presence of satsang helps us remain more open. But we can check here, and also we can check when satsang is over.

Once you start seeing these ways of identification and the way of belief, in the spotting of it itself, it will start to settle more and more. Without this, you cannot construct the idea of an ego; without these concepts. All individuality, all separation is dissolved.

Observe the magnetism that some thoughts seem to have. And for some of you, it might have become these spiritual thoughts now that seem to be magnetic. The idea that some mental understanding will be the end of this game is completely false.

As you start looking at this urge to believe, you will find that in some ways it is very similar to the urge to pick up the tray of food; the urge to any addiction that you might have. That is why my Master [Mooji] says that Satsang is like a rehab. And the addiction that we’re dropping is our thoughts, our habitual belief in our thoughts, our identification with our thoughts.

And as we are following the pointings in satsang, coming to the recognition of who we are, then this recognition itself is a great way to drop this addiction, because all thoughts are referring to you personally, phenomenally. As you’re recognizing more and more, you’re believing less and less.

Unraveling the Mystery of This ‘I’

Today is Tuesday and we use this day for silent contemplation, silent inquiry, to explore what should be the most natural expression actually. Because it’s so funny that we say ‘I’ so often, practically every sentence we use, we use the term ‘I’. But it’s funny that usually most of humanity hasn’t really gotten to the root of this ‘I’. Who am I? Because no mental concept, no understanding of what this ‘I’ is conceptually is enough. So let’s see today if we can unravel the mystery of this ‘I’. Who am I?

As we go through this contemplation together, notice that the mind will try to make its confusions and judgments, comparisons and interpretations. Just don’t engage with it, to whatever extent you can. Just allow it to come and go. If at the end of the inquiry all that we have with us is a mental conclusion, then it is not worthwhile. So, as much as possible, as naturally as possible, don’t engage with the interpretations and the conclusions of the mind.

Who is the witness of all phenomenon?

Is that phenomenal?

Or is it non-phenomenal?

Who witnesses sight, the seeing of phenomenal objects in the world?

Who witnesses this?

Who witnesses the hearing of sound?

Who witnesses the sensations of touch?

Who witnesses the smelling of smell?

Who witnesses the taste in your mouth?

Who is the witness of the sensations in the body?

Who witnesses the presence or absence of thoughts?

Who is the witness of memories and imagination?

Who is the witness of emotion; anger, fear, joy and bliss?

Who witnesses the coming and going of these?

Who is it that stands witness to even our sense of existence?

The one that is aware of the functioning of sight,

What does this one look like?

That which is aware of phenomenal seeing,

Is that phenomenal?

That which is aware of sounds,

Does that have a sound?

Can I touch the one that is aware of touch?

Can I smell the one aware of smell?

What is the taste of this awareness?

That which is aware of thoughts,

Is that in itself a thought?

All thoughts are coming and going.

Is this awareness also coming and going?

This Awareness witnesses all that is coming and going. Is it in itself coming and going?

Who would be aware of that?

You are aware of your Presence,

Aware that you exist.

That which is aware of Presence,

Is that also a Presence?

Does presence or absence apply to That?

To That which is aware of waking and sleep,

Do these states make any difference?

To That which is aware of having a body, and there being nobody, Does either make any difference?

Are you aware now?

How did you confirm this?

At what distance is this Awareness from you? What point separates you?

That which is aware of Awareness,

That is the unchanging ‘I’.

Who is aware of this Awareness?

Remain with the emptiness of this recognition.

Are you aware now?

Remain here

In this place that you cannot leave.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

.

The inquiry is not over.

Don’t be in a rush to hold your minds hand. Allow it to leave.

Whatever ideas this mind has for you, they are not worth it.

This Light of Presence Cannot Be Stopped

Q: So, for the last year I’ve seen this light more and more. It’s been growing in me. And it’s to the point where it’s almost constantly pervasive. There are periods where it’s more mental or emotional. And yet there’s still this sense of lack of completion in me and I …, something you said the other day when you were doing that exercise on Awareness. Was it ‘Who is aware of that?’ And even that sense of lack. I ask myself…,

A: Who is seeing that? Yes.

Q: Who is seeing?

A: Yes.

Q: And I can see that I am seeing and yet still there’s a there’s a lack of completion you’re seeing. Yes. There’s…, the light is there but it’s not unified in itself. It feels as though that’s the case. And that…

A: When you say light…

Q: Me-as-Awareness.

A: The same sense of Presence that we are talking about when we say ‘Can you stop being?’

Q: Yes.

A: You find that this light of Presence cannot be stopped, you see. Now, you are aware even of this? Isn’t it? Because we discussed the other day that there is sleep state also, where you say even the Presence is not there. In sleep you say nothing; not even light. So there is awareness of this state and of that state. For this Awareness, that is unchanging. That’s where we came to the other day, isn’t it?

Are you with me today on this? We can do it together again if you like.

Q: Yeah.

A: We will look together.

So the first question is: Can you stop being now? And when I ask, I know you know the answer but just try to stop being. Yes.

Q: Impossible.

A: You say impossible.

Now there is a seeing of this or a knowing of this; awareness of this, is there not?

Q: There is.

A: Yes.

Who is aware of this awareness? [Silence]

Q: It’s a hard one to answer cos there is an awareness but it’s…

A: You are reporting that there is an awareness. Who is aware of this awareness?

Don’t try to answer it; just look. [Silence]

This is a very beautiful question because here most concepts, most visualization, most of what the mind can give you as answers, as concepts in response to this starts to fade, doesn’t it?

A: Yes, there’s no words.

A: Yes.

Q: Yes.

A: Isn’t it so beautiful that I can say ‘Yes, I’m aware of this Being, of course I’m aware of the Being’ when I say ‘Who is aware of this awareness?’ [Laughing]

What is the confusion? The confusion is because the mind is lost. Because you know the answer is true and yet you do not see anything to confirm the answer. This is the only answer like this. You know it is true but you find no phenomenal evidence to confirm it.

A: I’m looking for something.

A: Yes.

Q: But the mind…

A: Yes. Yes, and it’s okay. This may be. This is a beautiful exercise; to look and you see that. You don’t say ‘Nobody is aware of it’. You don’t say ‘There is no awareness of it’. Obviously there is an awareness of it. Who is aware of it? It is I. I know this but I’m scared to report it because I don’t find this phenomenally to be able to report it, you see. Because we know it is I who is aware because nobody else is telling me. You see?

So, this is my way to introduce you to your non-phenomenal Self. And as you get more and more comfortable in this…, and who? Your own Being. Awareness is already comfortable as Awareness. Your own Being is losing all other ideas about itself and recognizing its Source to be this non-phenomenal one. It’s stuck here; the mind gets stuck here.

Q: Yes.

A: It doesn’t know where to go. It cannot say ‘No, I’m not aware. Then who is it? It cannot say that, you see. It cannot deny the existence of this Awareness and yet there’s nothing phenomenal that it finds. For everything else we rely on something phenomenal to confirm of its existence, isn’t it?

[Looking at his hands] You say ‘How many hands? One? Two’. Two hands you see. Everything else is a phenomenal confirmation. Here we know this already. I am aware; obviously I am aware, but this ‘I’ is not seen. How do I know I am aware? It gets lost here, isn’t it?

So, the truest answer is not for the mind. The recognition will not be for the mind because it’s not a phenomenal recognition. And it is not even a recognition actually because it I always recognized that always this is true.

Q: But there is a sense; there is an internal recognition.

A: Yes, yes, exactly…exactly… yes, yes. It’s just like this turning over of attention into nothingness almost and yet it is not the disappearance of this Awareness.

Q: It’s like my mind’s afraid to have nothing.

A: Yes, of course.

Q: Yes.

A: Because for the mind nothing means death and death is terrible for the mind. It does not want to die. And that is why it is in this point, at this question, that it will offer up all kinds of ideas, concepts, spiritual understanding, you know. You want to do some analysis of the Truth…, this kind of stuff. [Laughing]

Q: What…

A: Yes, you just. Yes, yes. So I said ‘Can you stop being now?’

Q: No.

A: You said ‘No’. You are aware that this Being is here?

Q: Yes.

A: Yes. Who is aware of this Awareness? [Silence]

[Laughing] Is it not You?

Q: Yes.

A: Yes…but? What did you see?

Nothing! And yet you know it’s You, undeniably. And yet you saw nothing. So, meet yourself as nothing. This is what it is meant.

Does this mean you exist or don’t exist? [Lots of laughter]

You see? Now. Now all the words in Satsang will start to make sense because that’s why we say ‘You neither exist nor don’t exist’ because you don’t exist as a person but your Awareness cannot be denied. Yet it is not found as if it is something. It is nothing, you see. So it is not the ‘nothing-nothing’ of this world. Isn’t it? It is You.

Q: Yes.

A: It is not the nothing where ‘What’s in this glass?’ Suppose it was empty; nothing. But you are there, because you are Aware. [Laughing]

Q: Yes and there’s no burden in that.

A: Yes.

Q: The burden of seeking of someone.

A: Yes. That we left far away, isn’t it? Then we go to here. Even in the question ‘Can you stop being now?’ we left all personal burdens behind. Because Being is just being. It’s not burdened by anything. You see? Imagine if you could have a conversation with your unassociated Being. It’s like Satsang, isn’t it? You come and say ‘Can you be burdened by something?’ … ‘What? Burdened? What could burden me? This entire realm is appearing and disappearing inside me. What in this can burden me?’

Only when You…, when It Itself, Being Itself, picks up an idea about Itself.

Q: Yeah.

A: And pretends ‘as if’. So it as simple as you saying that right now some idea started coming to you, that you’re this poor man; you have no money. Suppose you have these ideas? You have no plane ticket to get to Bali; all these ideas. You have nothing. Hah? You start believing all these things about you. Then even the getting to Bali, the going there will start to seem like a burden, isn’t it?…, immediately because you started believing these lies about yourself. In the same way if you believe the lie of being a person then all the personal burdens will seem real.

And the mind usually will come with some responses to this and say ‘He says; but what about my practical life and what about my job and responsibilities?’ What about them?! Nothing. Because there is no ‘you’ in this way, and the one who has been doing it so far will continue to do it; which is this Consciousness Itself.

[Silence] Is it possible to live like this? Yes.

Q: Yes. Well, I am anyway.

A: Exactly!

Q: Thank you.

A: So welcome, my dear.

So in the same way, we can just ask ourself:

‘Am I aware now?’ and

‘Who is aware of this awareness?’

It’s the same question actually twice. But it’s helpful to bring so much direction and focus into this question, you see. I feel it’s very, very useful.

Every time something like this appears actually, I feel like this should be completely enough for anyone now. Like when I said ‘Are you aware now?’ it’s so clear that ‘Yes, awareness of Awareness’.

But now as I’m saying this: ‘Who is aware even of this awareness?’ now I feel you cannot escape actually; unless you really, really want to. Because we left the mind so far behind in this, isn’t it? Of course it still tries to sell you some story.

But can it stand up to the light of this question?

I feel it has no power.

Stay Here

We were just hearing this song [named]: ‘As If’. Very interesting. It seems like, all our lives, (most of us), we live ‘As if’ there is somebody living inside this body. And we know it is not true; even scientifically. In this blob of atoms and molecules, flesh, blood and bones, there is nobody there. There is no room where you’re sitting inside the head, inside the heart. It cannot be found phenomenally in this way. And yet it seems like as if I am in this body, I am the body, or I am connected to this body in some way. This is one big ‘As if’. There is nobody like that. Only because the sensations are experienced, seemingly-intimately, it feels like ‘This is me’ and the rest of this appearance is not-me. But we share sounds, we experience other sensations. Where? Outside of you can something be experienced? Is there something you experience outside of ‘I’…, outside of ‘me’. Everything is here, you see; all that is manifest. And most of us who have been in satsang are seeing this now, that all that is manifesting, all that is manifest, is within this one space of Being: I Am.

We’re fighting what we’re seeing, what we’re experiencing by listening to our minds. Because this is too much for the mind; it’s too much! ‘All of this I my Being?’ So, if this is already too much for the mind, we expect the mind to understand ‘Who is aware even of this Being? And already the mind starts going ‘blah, blah, blah, blah’. [Chuckles]

This is the simplest thing! The simplest thing. You are aware that you are. What’s difficult in this sentence? ‘You are aware that you are’. The simplest thing. It’s just that: ‘As what?’ has become an ‘As if’. ‘I am what?’ has become a big ‘As if’. ‘As if I’m this body, as if I’m the mind’. And the first ‘As if’ is ‘As if I am the Being’. Even this we have to say ultimately. Because actually even the sense of Being is Seen: I am aware that I Am.

This Awareness is untouched by the Presence of Being, in that which we call the waking or dream state; or the absence of it in that which we call the sleep state. Something remains. We know this. Yet the mind fights it. The mind says ‘I am only aware of my sleep and my waking’. So then you say ‘So, you have never gone to sleep?’ Then just say ‘I’m going to dream. Good night’. [Chuckles] Nobody says ‘I’m going to dream. Good night’. ‘I’m going to sleep. Good night’. What is that sleep? How are we aware that there is something called sleep? And very quickly, we’re quick to jump and say ‘But I can’t report on sleep unless I am there’. Yes, we’re not talking about the reporting. The experience of sleep is not in the reporting of it. It is in the experiencing of the no-thing-ness. But when there is no-thing, not even Being…, everyone has had this experience. Otherwise, the entire world would just say ‘I’m going to dream. Good night’. But we say ‘I’m going to sleep’. What is this sleep? And then you say ‘I woke up at this time’. So what wakes up? You say ‘I woke up’. What wakes up? It is this Being itself. And in the waking of the Being comes all of this phenomenal manifestation. This phenomenal manifestation comes, within this Being, within the experience of this Being. And yet this body seems so intimate. Why? Because our sensory center seems to be located here; we seem to sense the world through this [points to top of head] and this. [Stretches hand forward, touches fingers] The sensations of the body seem so intimate. But all of this was not there some time ago; the sleep

state. A different body, a different world, a different realm was there some time ago in the dream state.

Suppose we were going to satsang in all in your dream and your waking states. So, then you’d be fighting, saying ‘This is real; No, this is real! That was a dream’. Why? Because this seems so real, so tangible, so intimate. But it is one big ‘As if…’

‘As if I’m a person’ is the biggest resistance to what is. It’s just presumed. We haven’t found it; just one big presumption. ‘What Is’ is denied; but what is not, is constantly presumed. This is the leela. The appearance of the realm is maya. But the play ‘As if I am a person’ in this, is the leela. ‘The play is God’ is the last leela, or the divine leela. How are You playing? It’s easier to play as God, actually. Much more hard work, effort, to play as if you’re a person. How to play this game of ‘As if you’re a person’? Can we do it without thoughts; without attention and belief to thoughts? Impossible. How to play as God? We already are; before the thought…, and after the thought. Even the play of ‘the person’ is God pretending to be the person. Just ‘What Is’.

If you don’t think about it now, there is no trouble. If you give it to the mind and say ‘Hey, my friend, what do you think about what he’s saying?’ [Chuckles] ‘He’s obviously not going to give you the certification’. He’ll say ‘No, no. It’s okay in satsang, but what about my dream in real life?’ What’s so unreal about satsang, compared to the ‘real’ life? It’s as real here as the rest of the realm. But we say the ‘real world’ implies that which is outside satsang. That is more of the pretend world; that I’m pretending ‘As if’ I’m the person. Here at least the space is there where we can drop the pretense; allow the naturalness, the spontaneous.

This ‘As if’…, this presumption; where is it? ‘I’m the body’. Body doesn’t want freedom at all. What are we doing here if we’re the body? So simple if you were just the body. It doesn’t have relationships; it doesn’t want special relationships at least. It is not concerned about money in the bank. Is the body even concerned about the health of the body?…, because the seeming-owner of this body, the pretend owner, it has all of these concerns ‘as if’…, as if the non-existent one can have some control.

We’ve got it upside down, you see. The mind always has everything upside down. We say ‘I don’t see God’. [but it’s] We don’t see the ‘person’. The body is not the person. This that Is, Your own Being, Your own Presence, is the one doer and the one experiencer of all phenomena. That which Is the mind denies; that which never is, that we presume ourself to be. The upside down functioning of the mind. Creating separation where none exists. And look at where it is getting the world. This is a pigmentation of skin over which all this fighting also. This is the God that we’re fighting over. It’s all a joke, isn’t it? This is all upside down. This is all separation. ‘Me and my brother got separated’ is just an idea.

This entire phenomenal realm is the One body of God, of Being. And right now if you check you can see this. I’m not giving you another theory. This is not a religion. This can be checked now.

If you’re not stubborn, if you don’t keep refusing to look, if you don’t cling to the stubborn insistence of being a person in spite of not finding one, then it’s so simple what we’re saying.

What is here?

What is the constant in the waking state?

The body is changing, the appearances are changing, but what is constant?

Can you stop Being?

And don’t hear these as some philosophical words.

Try to stop being.

Don’t be for a second; don’t exist.

It doesn’t matter as what; just don’t exist.

This is the one constant: Your own Presence, I Am.

There is never a world without this ‘I Am’.

You are aware of this.

Who is That that is aware of this sense of Being?

Forget about what the mind is saying. Just look.

Who is aware that I exist, I Am? Just look.

Your discovery will not be a phenomena.

Your realization will not be phenomenal.

It might have phenomenal by-products.

Who is aware of Being?

Your mind cannot answer this. The thoughts cannot fathom this.

Is this awareness touched by anything?

What is your dimension here?

The one that is aware of Being,

What is your size here?

What is your location?

Are you coming and going?

Are you subject to time and space?

Are you aware now?

Who is aware of this awareness?

Don’t leave. Stay.

Who is aware of awareness?

To believe any idea is to leave with that idea.

Don’t leave. Stay.

Let the ideas leave.

If you find that you fall into the hypnosis of the mind again, come back.

Find out: Who is aware…, even of awareness itself?

Nothing is lost. You are here.

Who is aware of this?

Who is aware of this Awareness?

This is the simplest question ever. But for the mind it is impossible. Everything that the mind is saying now is just rubbish. Let it come and go.

This is your true Self: Awareness Itself.

None of you have missed the recognition. You are aware now.

This itself is the recognition. It is that simple.

It is not the recognition which is difficult. In fact it can seem more difficult to give up our stories. But That which You Are, (and you’re recognizing it now), cannot have a story. That which is not phenomenal cannot have a story. That within which all phenomenon is born and dissolves, That Itself cannot have a story. You Are This.

This is playing as if it is God; and God is playing in turn as if it is a person. The truth will be recognized in the dropping of these ideas. Drop all personal ideas. Don’t nourish anything with your belief.

As Consciousness, I Am that I Am.

And see that even this, You are aware of.

But this You cannot be defined, cannot be labeled.

It is not subject to time and space.

Higher than the highest,

Before the first.

Are you aware now?

Who is aware of this awareness?

What are you here?

Are you this body?

These sensations?

Thought, emotions?

Are you changing?

The truth about Yourself is un-miss-able.

Because You Are That.

But it lives up to no projection that you might have about It.

The truth is not a play of lights.

Truth is not in the chakras.

The truth is not even love, peace and joy,

Although all of these can be beautiful by-products.

And for those of you who call me your teacher, I just have two functions: One is to bring you to this recognition of yourself.

And the second is to not let you believe any nonsense about yourself. Both are inter-related.

As you remain in this Seeing, some energetic wobbling, some fear can come. Let it come and let it go.

Vigilant practice is the fertile time for the mind to come and say ‘Listen. Draw upon these ideas about your freedom’. Let them come and go.

This is also the time that the mind can come and throw tantrums about nothing at all. Let the tantrums also come and go.

But if the mind is saying ‘I got it’ or if the mind is saying ‘Why am I not getting it?’…, both are unimportant. Let them go.

Don’t hide behind a concept now. Remain open.

Don’t resist. Allow.

Allow the pretense to dissolve within you.

Stay here.

Don’t believe any idea.

This is the true meaning of ‘Be Quiet’.

Be quiet.