Prayer, the anxiety of the seeker
Original Marathi from the Tukaram Gatha · About Sant Tukaram
मराठी मूळ
काय मी उद्धार पावेन । काय कृपा करील नारायण । ऐसें तुह्मी सांगा संतजन । करा समाधान चित्त माझें ॥1॥
काय हें खंडईल कर्म । पारुषतील धर्माधर्म । कासयानें तें कळे वर्म । ह्मणउनी श्रम वाटतसे ॥ध्रु.॥
काय हो िस्थर राहेल बुद्धी । कांहीं अरिष्ट न येल मधीं । धरिली जाईल ते शुद्धी । शेवट कधीं तो मज न कळे ॥2॥
काय ऐसें पुण्य होईल गांठीं । घालीन पायीं देवाचे मिठी । मज तो कृवाळील जगजेठी । दाटइन कंठीं सद्गदित ॥3॥
काय हे निवतील डोळे । सुख तें देखोनी सोहळे । संचित कैसें तें न कळे । होतील डोहळे वासनेसी ॥4॥
ऐसी चिंता करीं सदा सर्वकाळ । रात्रिदिवस तळमळ । तुका ह्मणे नाहीं आपुलें बळ । जेणें फळ पावें निश्चयेंसी ॥5॥
Tukaram Gatha (Marathi Wikisource)
English Translation
Will I ever be redeemed? Will Narayana ever show me mercy? O saints, please tell me so and bring peace to my mind. Will this karma ever be broken? Will right and wrong be resolved? By what means can the secret be known? This is why I feel so troubled. Will my mind ever become steady? Will no calamity come in between? Will the awareness I have grasped be maintained? I cannot tell when the end will come. Will such merit ever be mine that I may clasp God's feet in embrace? Will the Lord of the World look upon me with kindness, and will my throat choke with devotion? Will these eyes ever be satisfied, seeing that blissful celebration? The nature of my accumulated destiny is unknown; longings stir in desire. Says Tuka, I carry this anxiety at all times, day and night. I have no strength of my own by which I may attain the fruit with certainty.
We ask forgiveness for any inaccuracies in rendering Tukaram ji’s original Marathi.
In Plain Words
Will I be saved? Will Narayana show me mercy? Tell me, O holy people; bring my mind some peace. Will this karma be cut off? Will right and wrong come to an end? By what means is the secret known? This is why I feel such strain. Will my mind stay steady? Will no calamity come in between? Will the awareness I have grasped be kept? I do not know when the end will come. Will I ever hold such merit in hand that I throw my arms around God's feet, that the Lord of the world fondles me, that my throat chokes with feeling? Will these eyes be cooled, seeing that joyful sight? I do not know what my stored deeds are. Longings stir in my desire. I carry this worry always, at every hour, restless night and day. Tuka says: I have no strength of my own by which I would surely reach the fruit.
What it means
This abhanga is a string of anxious questions, and Tukaram lets them stand unanswered because the anxiety is the honest state of the seeker. He does not know whether his karma will break, whether his mind will hold steady, whether some disaster will cut across his path, or whether he will live to see the day he embraces God's feet with a choked throat. The longing is intense, but so is the uncertainty about what his accumulated deeds have earned. He even turns to the saints and begs them to settle his mind. The closing line names the root of the unrest: he has no strength of his own that could guarantee the fruit, which is precisely why he must throw himself on mercy rather than effort.
Prayers
Direct appeals to God: for protection, guidance, strength, and mercy.
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