Sumantra Calls His Survival a Defeat
Ayodhya Kanda, Chaupai 144
Doha 144 · Movement 1 of 2
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Guha accompanies Sumantra farther, then turns back through a farewell beyond description. The four Nishadas continue with the chariot while grief repeatedly swallows the road.
Sumantra condemns the life that remains without Raghuvir. The body must die someday, yet failed to gain honor by dying at the moment of separation. Breath continues as though it were a vessel for disgrace, and the heart that missed its chance still refuses to split.
He wrings his hands and strikes his head like a miser who has lost an entire fortune. Once proud of courage, he now imagines himself a warrior fleeing the battlefield. Survival appears not as strength but desertion, because love measures bravery by refusal to outlive the beloved's departure.
As the chariot rolls north, Sumantra hears each remaining breath accuse him of surviving the hour when Ram was lost.
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गुह सारथिहि फिरेउ पहुँचाई। बिरहु बिषादु बरनि नहिं जाई।। चले अवध लेइ रथहि निषादा। होहि छनहिं छन मगन बिषादा।। सोच सुमंत्र बिकल दुख दीना। धिग जीवन रघुबीर बिहीना।। रहिहि न अंतहुँ अधम सरीरू। जसु न लहेउ बिछुरत रघुबीरू।। भए अजस अघ भाजन प्राना। कवन हेतु नहिं करत पयाना।। अहह मंद मनु अवसर चूका। अजहुँ न हृदय होत दुइ टूका।। मीजि हाथ सिरु धुनि पछिताई। मनहँ कृपन धन रासि गवाँई।। बिरिद बाँधि बर बीरु कहाई। चलेउ समर जनु सुभट पराई।।
Guha escorted the charioteer and turned back. Their separation and sorrow lie beyond all telling. The Nishada servants set out for Ayodhya with the chariot. Moment by moment they sank deeper into grief. Sumantra, distressed and wretched with sorrow, lamented: 'Cursed is this life without Raghuvira. This lowly body will not last forever, yet it gained no glory at the hour of parting from my Lord. My very breath has become a vessel of disgrace and sin. For what reason does it refuse to depart? Alas, my foolish heart let the moment slip away. Even now it does not split in two with grief. Wringing his hands and beating his head in remorse, he was like a miser who has lost his entire fortune. He had bound his honor and called himself a brave man, yet now he fled the battlefield like a defeated warrior.'