You Have to Be Empty for God, and That Emptiness Comes Moment to Moment - 4th January 2023

But first, let's get this straight: if you said, 'I can't do this by myself because I don't know how to,' I am here to help you with that. So, you don't have that excuse anymore. You cannot apply that reasoning anymore. Just like you could have a bungee instructor, I can instruct you in this, you see. The Guru is the one who brings light, apparently. What is the light? Does he carry a lot of bulbs in his pocket? It's not a phenomenal light. What is that light in which God is apparent? What is that light in which that which is aware even of presence is palpable? That is the Guru's light. So, that is available to us also.

We are very smart. We know things. We know that all that comes and goes is not real. All our attachments are dying. All our bodies are dying. We know all of this, and yet the power of Maya is such that it hypnotizes us, you see. And it doesn't say, 'I'm hypnotizing you forever.' It says, 'For now, something else is important. So, now go back to God, but for now, something is important.' And in this 'for now, for now,' days go, weeks go, months go, years go, a whole lifetime goes. But I am not going to let you live and die a zombie life, as much as you may support and defend that life which is not alive anyway. I am going to fight for you, but you have to hold my hand. To hold my hand, you have to let go of your hand. You have to let go of your own hand.

Don't be afraid of losing yourself, because that which can be lost was never here anyway. Get over the self-importance of trying to be right, because nobody cares when you die. Nobody around you is going to say, 'He died with the best ideas in his head.' And even if they do say that, so what? Suppose you're right about every idea. You've created a belief system which is full of 'rights.' Not possible, but suppose you managed it. What's going to happen? Will your next dream start with you as a baby who remembers all of this? In the dream tonight that you'll have, what will you use this knowledge for?

Don't have to be right. Don't try to become something, be seen as something. Because only if you are empty—if you are empty—then God's presence can be palpable to you. It's not that God's presence will not be there, but we are trying to make it your living, breathing reality, not just the animating light in the background. This is the light which the Guru is trying to offer to you. You are trying to lighten up your life in various other ways, all of which are not useful. So, if you live and live and live and live and live and live 150 years, but you lived with only a few glimpses of what your life could have been, it would still not be worth it. For all of you in the Sangha, for those in the world, it may be all right, because many may feel like they did not even have those dreams. But you must now dedicate your life to God's light within you. I'm not here to serve anything else but your longing for that. You must dedicate whatever you take your life to be to that holy presence within you.

I'm talking about your inward openness, your inward emptiness. What's very important is to—and this is a subtle one, but we must stay away from all hypocrisy. And I have been ranting against lip-service spirituality, spirituality which is just pure hypocrisy. Very convenient sort of spirituality. We know all the right words, we say all the right things, but in our knowing and saying, we are just in the head talking about big things but not actually living in the presence of God; living as if you are oblivious to the Atma which is here.

What are the different approaches you can take about that? God is here. Let's put it simply: God is here. Now, what is your move? What's your move now? Is it then you say, 'Okay, because you are saying it, I'll believe it'? And that is not unusual. Many of you may not even be hearing what I'm saying. I'm saying to you that God is here right now. Not metaphorically, not poetically, not romantically. Literally, God is here within you right now. You can say, 'I don't believe you,' but I don't want your belief. Are you willing to check along with me? I don't need your belief. I don't need your acceptance. But that much trust has to be there—that he may be saying something very absurd, but we are willing to check once along with him.

Or you could say, 'No, I already know. I am not ready yet,' or 'I already found it three weeks ago, I just have to do that,' or 'I know the right answer, I don't need to be confused by the stuff he's saying because I solved it for myself in the morning during the contemplation. I'm very clear,' you see. 'Now he's saying all weird things, asking me to do this and do that. I won't be confused why? Because I am very clear.' So, don't fall for mental clarity. Don't fall for mental castles, houses of cards that we may have built. Burn them all down. If they were true, they cannot be burnt. You will only defend your spiritual ego.

So, what am I saying? I'm saying either you're a bundle of flesh or God's light is there. And if God's light is there, then every idea we have about the world is wrong. The ideas you have about your relationships, ideas you have about your money, the body, and even freedom, because that changes everything. Your life would change. No? Even if you met—suddenly you're walking on the street and suddenly you met Tom Cruise. Even in that one moment, your life would change because now you have a new story to tell your friends and say, 'The most absurd thing happened. I was walking on Airport Road and suddenly Tom Cruise was there.' The life will change. But I'm talking about something which is a gazillion times more in magnitude: that you met God one day. You were just walking down Airport Road, or in an auto-rickshaw like in my case, and God happened to be there more intimately than you could ever meet anybody, more clearly than you could ever meet anybody. Undoubtedly. Because if you met something on the outside, seemingly outside, you could still say, 'Maybe I'm hallucinating, maybe it's a dream.' But for this light, you cannot be mistaken about it. That is why it's not just an experience; it is beyond an experience.

One child asked me, 'So is this similar to like a Kundalini awakening? What is the difference, Father, when you had the Kundalini thing and when you came to God's presence later?' It's a world of difference. It's a world of difference. That was still in the world. That was still in the realm of perception, as sublime and as beautiful as that may be. But this—this could not be part of any dream. This is more real than anything that you have ever encountered. So, when you are empty of yourself, empty of selfishness, empty of a moment of mental hypnosis, what has not gone away? What has not gone away? You haven't gone away, you see. Maybe your eyes are closed, maybe all your senses were breaking down and you could not even confirm that your body is here or which body this is, but you are still here independent of the body. That I-am-ness, that I-am-ness is God saying, 'I am that I am.' That is God's presence. That is God's light.

Now, your mind has only one job: to convince you that that is not the light of the unlimited one; it is the light of something limited. 'I am somebody. I am a man. I'm a woman.' So, this is the design of Maya. This is the design of the Leela where within the Leela itself, within the play itself, there is a narrative voice which convinces you that you are not an unlimited being, you are just a bundle of flesh and bones. But what do we do now? Even upon this discovery, we want to make the discovery dance to the tunes of the mind. The mind will say, 'But prove it to me that this is God.' Why don't you prove to yourself whose voice that is first? Who's asking for evidence? It will say, 'Oh, this comes and goes. It won't stay. It is easy for me in Satsang,' and say, 'Okay, now prove it to me that it'll last for me beyond Satsang also.' How can you make God dance to the tunes of the non-existent ego? Who is accountable to whom?

If you take yourself to be somebody and you say that there is a God—if you don't say there is a God, it's okay—but if you take yourself to be somebody and you say that there is a God, in your framework of understanding, who is accountable to whom? And yet we have made it all upside down. 'I can't pray to a God who's like this. I can't believe a God like that. How can a God do this?' Who will be asking? Whom have you put on the witness? Whom have you put in the witness box? And we are asking them for explanations. If we take ourselves to be somebody, then that somebody should have explanations for God. How are we spending our life? If God was to ask us one day, 'I have given you life. How much of that life have you given me?' Are we accountable then? So, these are all trades.

It all upside down. I can't pray to a god who's like this. I can't believe a god like that. How can a god do this? Who will be asking? Who have you put on the witness—God? Who have you put in the witness box? And we are asking them for explanations. If we take ourselves to be somebody, then that somebody should have explanations for to God. How are we spending our life? If God was to ask us one day, 'I have given you life; how much of that life have you given me?' Are we accountable then? So these are all trades of wanting God to be a glorified servant to us. God's assistance in making our life better. God's assistance in making us peaceful, joyful, full of love, all of that. But don't touch my sweeties. Don't touch my good stuff.

Does anyone pray on Diwali to Lakshmi Ji saying, 'Do what you like with my money'? She's the goddess of it, then you pray to her. Does anyone say, 'Okay, you are the goddess, you decide, you know better'? No. Everybody says, 'Please, I'll be good.' So as humanity, we have succeeded in turning everything upside down. We've become so self-serving that we want the highest in the universe to also serve that false self. How many of us go to God and say, 'Do what you want with me. Do as you will with me. I surrender to you completely'?

You may use the word surrender, but that surrender may be in the guise of expectations. If I surrender, then I will get peace. If I surrender, I will become joyful. I may even become free. But till the surrender doesn't become of true surrender, which is that I give myself to you—whatever I take myself to be is yours to do as you see fit—and like a proper commitment, not an emotional one where we just get sweet. Maybe upon hearing these words we may become a bit rah-rah for a few moments. So yes, and then someone comes and tells you that, oh, your bank relationship manager took thirty thousand rupees from your bank account and ran away. He lost all that presence and God and all of that, and we're back to 'I am going to fix him. This is not fair. This is not right because this I need to handle. God can't do.' So all this lip-service type spirituality is not going to help.

If you had to be empty for God, what would you be scared to surrender? If I say to you that if you are going to walk with me, then you have to take the risk of giving up everything, how many of you would still walk? And it is all right if you say, 'I want to walk with you, but I'm scared of this happening.' And let's look at that together. Let's burn it into God's holy fire together. That is fine. But to be, you know, oblivious sort of spirituality which says—actually says, but pretends to say—'God, God, God, God for me,' not a true spirituality. Let's be done with that. Let's be done with that spirituality today. Let's burn that first. Hear what's there.

There are doubts that come up about a certain type of skill that this one has to display. This skill that this one has to display, to display, yeah, or perform. It has to have... yes, it could be in work-related, interpersonal relationships, anything that you can say that that's a human skill. You know, he's capable, he is the open point is a certain type of skill.

So for some time, you have to only listen to what I'm saying because your mind will always distract you with these kind of side projects, you see? Like your mission, the main mission is being provided by Ananta, but your side quest is coming from your head. Yeah, by the way, to do that main mission, you also have to do this side quest first, otherwise there you go, you won't get access. Like, you can't meet God till you become such a wonderful communicator or so sweet in your expression. I like that. So don't take on any of these. So because the offer comes doesn't mean you have to take it.

Your mind will have judgments about this. We'll say, 'This is good. We are very good now. I'll follow this, this part.' Maybe not easy if you're still doing that stuff. Just throw it all out and don't be in any sort of evaluative mode. Just throw it all out and then don't say, 'Have I thrown out all the peanuts or not? There's one. Okay, I still have to work on this.' You see, that's why I'm saying the battle is for time. Ah, so God or me? There is no bypassing this. There is no bypassing this. God or me. And you cannot be smart about it. You cannot avoid that. The way you cannot say, 'Okay, this scripture, I read this there, but I'm already that, so why do I need to?' Cannot do any of that jewelry. There is no escaping it. You have to be empty for God. You have to be empty for God.

And that emptiness comes to you moment to moment. It is not difficult, you see? But in the moment, the thought will also come, and in the hypnosis of that thought, all talk of God is not relevant, you see? Ah, what is the emptiness? It's a conceptual emptiness. Empty of belief, no? So when you're empty of belief, the currency of God's presence, of God's light, will be clear. But under the hypnosis, believing the smartest idea in the universe, but it's worthless to your reality.

Yes, but only through the light of presence can we see the vastness.

So you cannot bypass that step. So only through Atma can you meet Brahman. Only through this Satguru light, the Guru's light, can you meet that which is beyond attributes, beyond qualities. So let's first meet this. Let's first meet this so that we ensure that it's not just fancy words, it's not just talk. Meet this life, this presence. And often we've talked about this light as if it is a portal. So the portal which opens this way is the creative light of this world, and the portal that way is the intuitive light of self-discovery. That is the beauty of this light of God's presence. It is in the light of this presence that the world is perceived, is experienced, but it is also in the same light that we can confirm the Nirguna. Without intuitive insight, it is just conceptual on top. What is intuitive insight? The same Guru presence.

Okay, so all of us are here, this presence. See, I'm sorry, but can you speak a bit more to... he was just saying there's no need to say yes, because I find my yes is coming very quickly.

Attachment. What are you scared to give up? Everything. And you could turn nothing as such. If I say to you tomorrow onwards you have no house, scary?

Yes.

Start with that. Start with them. If the Master tells you that you don't have a house then, and be scared of even giving up the hat, then how will we give up on ourselves, the false self, which is the fertile ground for all of this attachment? This is when we're talking about being empty, then it's important to bring these things into the light and say, 'I want to surrender. It is in my heart to find God, but in my mind space there are these thoughts which come which offer so much fear, and they seem to be attractive and they seem to be true.' That is a much more genuine spirituality than just a spirituality you say, 'Yeah, yeah, in reality I am untouched.' I'm thinking it's okay because those words should be spoken only from inside, not from conceptual understanding.

So this is much better to say. If I said to you, if you say your life is surrendered to God or Guru or whatever, then if that came and told you you have to give up on this... many of us are just... we say we are fully surrendered, but we are only surrendered to the extent that it is convenient, you see? The minute it is even mildly inconvenient, all that surrender is out the window.

Be truly empty. Like you said, you don't know which body you are, and it's same with the thoughts. But that can bring even bigger confusion. It's a very... if God is not truly established, you find yourself even in worse situations than just with the persona. Absolutely. Because at the moment there are many and many thoughts, many energies in fact. So the God has to be really on your side. They are stronger.

Well, that's what is that. That's nice. It's true. It's true. Flocks it, it will many times. So is it... no. So then, so if it is all about God's light, if spirituality is God's story or my story about God? So if spirituality is God's story, and in being spiritual it's all about God and we gave up and we became empty and we did not find God, but we were ended up much worse than when we started, you see? Would that be a false spirituality or a true one? That's a question to ask. And that is the risk I want you to take because I'm done with the comfortable spirituality saying, 'Yeah, you will be very good, peace will come, joy will come, confusion will go away.' No. Maybe. But you did it for God.

To those whom what I'm saying is sounding attractive—to many it may be sounding scary—but I want to focus and dedicate myself to those who are willing to say that I am going to give, risk this life for God, even if I become the most confused, stupid beggar on the streets with no idea about anything, much worse than when I started off.

I would just say kind of on the beginning it goes easy, but further you go, more difficult.

Difficult because... because you've seen as well other things. So when you're surrendering, bad things are happening. So basically you're staying with God in a way, bad things are happening. That is then becoming more and more difficult.

Yeah, and one important thing in the surrender is that the determinant of what is good and what is bad becomes God's light itself. Yeah, you see? Now you may say that I became empty but I could not, could not get the intuitive guidance onto what is right and what is wrong, and my mind kept telling me that everything that's happening to me is bad and I may die like this or it may even become much worse before I die. Yes, then what's your call? It's a risk. What are you gonna do? What you're going to do?

Suppose you came into the quest for self-discovery wanting peace, contentment, joy, but in the surrender to God all that peace went the way. Your mind became super resistive about everything, even those things which were easy earlier. Now the mind is... peace you don't know when you met last. Love you not feeling for anyone. You want to hit everyone in their field. So you end up after twenty years of spirituality, you end up like that, but you did it for truth and you did it for God. Does that sound attractive or unattractive? That's what you have to be honest about.

I am telling you that zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, one possibility, possibility that you could find God, but in that endeavor your life could become a complete miserable way to live. You would, you should still take that path because the immensity of what you could discover is much beyond these odds which we do collect God with peaceful, the state, the happiness. It is said your true nature is happiness. It is, yeah, yeah.

So exactly and um, it's an addiction. It's like a drug thing because what happens, what is God? These are the blisses that kind of blisses state.

Yes, because the... yeah, that's why I want to put cold, cold water on that addiction today and just mash it to the ground as much as possible because the experience is telling me that is the kind of God.

No, but it's not.

Yes, yeah. And I had to clarify this because then if it's not that, it's kind of wrong, but it's not. It is.

I found it that it's like a drug abuse basically because you get used to it and then you want and expect exactly kind of that package.

Exactly. You're so right. Exactly. But it doesn't happen actually. Nothing to do... it has nothing to do with it. That's why I said that when a child asked me that, 'You say at some point you had Kundalini and all of that, but at the point you say you were just sitting in an auto rickshaw and God's light and God's being became apparent to you, which is... aren't both the same and which is more important?' Kundalini just an experience. I could have had Kundalini in a dream. But God's light is the projector of this dream, of this universe. It is the very presence that I can say I am, not that I am experiencing. Beyond experiencing and not experiencing. So whatever other state which can come and which can go, whatever experience which you may have... that property story is beautiful when he met Bhagwan. So what happened is he went for future, maybe he found them a bit dry or something, I'm guessing. So then he went to Arunachala and then Arunachala Krishna started appearing to him. Now he star—

The light is the projector of this dream, of this universe. It is the very presence that I can say I am. Not that I am experiencing, beyond experiencing and not experiencing. So whatever other state which can come and which can go, whatever experience which you may have... that Papaji story is beautiful when he met Bhagwan. So what happened is he went for... maybe he found them a bit dry or something, in Rishikesh. So then he went to Arunachala, and then at Arunachala, Krishna started appearing to him. Now he started playing with Krishna, doing all of that. So then when he came back to meet Bhagwan—and hopefully Papaji will forgive me if I'm paraphrasing wrong—but when he came back to meet Bhagwan, Bhagwan said, 'So where have you been?' And Papaji said with some sense of pride, you know, 'I've been playing with Krishna.' And so Bhagwan said, 'Where is Krishna now?' 'Right now he's not here.' So then Bhagwan said, 'What comes and goes is not real.' It could be the most sublime experience, it could be the most beautiful experience, and many of us have had those experiences, many of us have not. But the truth of what I am sharing is beyond any of those experiences.

You know, in the past I would enter into states, just spontaneous normal daily things, and I was connecting this very strongly with that spiritual progress. Or rather, these states of bliss. They stopped; I haven't had them for about years. And just recently one of them, like, I could feel it, how I'm drawn into it, and I said no. Like, I said no and I stayed very sober because I've seen that it's not even that. So I wanted to check with you: what are those? What is that that we are drawn to so strongly, but it's not actually... because then I was checking, what do I see better or what is kind of clear? Exactly if I'm just completely sober and I'm actually in my mind, but it feels more truthful than that. That is like, kind of like if I would have a bottle of wine and I'm just super happy, but it's... what is it?

I just want to tell you that what I found here is that in the presence of this being, no state actually seemed that attractive. So maybe my experience is a bit different. So I started having a lot of spiritual experiences when I started doing all these practices and things like that, but when I came to this being, after that nothing seemed that attractive. It's just like, I don't know, maybe Maharaj's metaphor of saying water: once you just enjoy the taste of water itself, then you don't want some flavor, some juice, some of these things, some that thing. And that flavor doesn't quench your thirst; what you mix in it doesn't quench your thirst. I was so desperate to find God in my heart that as I met Him, as I met its presence, then the experience-chasing sort of went away. So that is what my advice would be to you as well: remain in that God's presence, God's guidance, and then you will see that all these even the best, most sublime experiences—you don't have to be averse to them, you don't have to say no like that, nor do you have to embrace them too hard. Okay?

It's often used, I feel like it is a good metaphor for this, which is that if you visit a mandir, if you visit a holy place, you will get some Prasad. So you don't have to say, 'No, no, I will love the Prasad too much so I won't have it,' or 'I come here only for the Prasad and if I didn't get Prasad then it's not a worthwhile visit.' Either of those positions would be wrong.

Maharaj is saying your natural state is natural happiness.

Well, it's different. No, no, forget that. Forget the statement. Can you do that for me? Because I'm saying hundreds of other things, but that statement was done for years. So just forget it. I'm giving you so much else. For happiness, where I was at, I was told to seek happiness. So I've said often that it may be easier provisionally to say Sat-Chit and not say Sat-Chit-Ananda. Okay, if you're going to insist, then I have to tell you about that. So suppose that you had a lot of beautiful states, but for weeks you were not able to sleep. Would you be good? Now, when you sleep well, is that joyful or not? There was nothing; there was no joy experienced in the sleep state. But that's it. That's the natural happiness without attributes, that Brahmananda. You see, there's Ananda which is worldly, there is Ananda even in God's presence, you see, but there is a Brahmananda which is the most natural happiness. So this is that attributeless happiness, not that tasted happiness.

Can you check something with this? We had a few times now in the last few years, after a lot of like the period of struggle and prayer to person to move it, I came to a point where I would say, 'Okay, I'm not there yet,' but getting... wow. And the moment that would be kind of rising, it was the complete flop from life. It was like if you touch it a little bit, it's going to flip completely in the opposite. It was like a free fall. It was from high to low, like an elevator from up to down immediately. So kind of what was happening, or my perception is, I practiced to be stronger in it. And lately, just recently, something very similar happened where it took me like two, three months and then I said, 'Somehow I'm here.' And also I said, 'I'm going to Babel,' and immediately it flopped. Immediately. Like maybe it was a week or two weeks of 'I'm here,' and if I would have kind of, I don't know what, peace in a way, it would be more established, it would get kind of stronger. But the moment I touch it in a way, something happens and it just flops the whole situation and I'm kind of in a mess. With the difference that this time the elevator kind of didn't go from... it was like I was braking, I couldn't break it, and I stopped it somewhere in the middle. And this is something that I keep repeating. So is it the strength? What happened?

A sneeze is threatening to come. So, what can happen many times is that we go to a city, we book the best hotel room in the city, but once we came to the city, we forgot we booked it. So then we go looking around for places to stay, but everything is full. Then you feel like, 'How can I make do with this situation? I have no hotel room.' So many times when I hear reports from those who are seeking God, it's like if you have access to a Guru, if you respect the Master and you have access to them, you don't have to take on this full responsibility of building your own house. What you've spoken about, most of that is your Master's job. You don't have to track and say, 'I was here, now this happened, then this happened. Am I on the right track? Am I doing this one?' You see, we don't have to do that.

And maybe there is an attraction to like independence or something that you feel like, 'No, no, but this I have to take on for myself' or something like this. But it's really not needed. It's really not needed. It's like you have to take the most difficult exam in the universe, but you have the best tutor available. Why would you say, 'No, I'll study it myself'?

It becomes very difficult because you don't have any more human energy and you're just like flat somewhere and down, you know? But you know you're kind of there and you know also where you could be.

Kind of to use this opportunity to hand over your terms. Like, to live life on your terms completely. If I was to say to you that you will not come to God on your terms, it can sound scary to some of us. Because I know you a bit for a few years, so I know that it's a bit of an independent streak and you know, 'do this,' which is beautiful at some level. But you need to also rely on those who can show you, and nothing will make it easy for you, but you have to learn to follow. Because as you're learning to follow your heart, there will be times where you will feel like the only voice you have available to follow is your head, and your heart's voice is not apparent to you. And that time, to follow a Master is very helpful.

You can only follow. In the human condition we may have that 'I can do things on my terms,' but as a human, what is it? You can either follow your head or you can follow your heart. That's it. So whether you like it or not, you have to follow. Now, the only problem is that your head has convinced you that what it is saying is your way. It is less your way than your heart's way is your way. Get this part; it's very important. Your mind's way is less your way than your heart's way is your way. But if you like to live 'my life, to live on my terms, to do it my way,' you see that we have labeled for our head, the head's will. The voice of limitation will determine your curriculum and say, 'This is my strength, this is my weakness, this is what I have to do, this is what I have to look at, this is what always gets me, this is what I am good with.' But you can't see. How do you know? Because you're trying to rely on the same thief which you're trying to catch to tell you its address.

You say, 'This always happens to me.' How do you know that? You say, 'My experience tells me,' but actually it's just the narrative about your experience which is here. So the same thief that you're trying to be rid of, you are relying on to catch this. That doesn't happen. You see, that can hurt because you just feel like, 'But then how will I ever be right? How will I ever do this right?' You can't. You can't. And we hate that. We hate that. We would like a Guru who we can go to and say, 'I'm in trouble now, give me a tip or two.' You see, if we go to a Guru who says, 'Your life should become mine...'

But what you're not realizing is that you're already in the hypnotized state. I was watching many years ago, my son used to love Harry Potter, so I was watching one of them with him. And all of them are trying to prevent the... what is it? Who's the bad one? Voldemort? Okay. So they were trying to take over their minds. So I remember those scenes in the movie. So they're just trying to prevent the hypnosis from happening, like, 'We don't want to be taken over.' And I was looking at the human condition and saying, 'But this has already happened.' It's already happened. So we are like that. We are under the spell of the voice of limitation, the spell of egotism, of selfishness. And now we're trying to refer to that spell of hypnosis itself to be free from the hypnosis. That's why the Gurus are helpful.

But if you find a Guru and you don't follow, or you want to make the Guru's words align with what you are already thinking so you can confirm that 'Yes, I was right,' then you don't need a Guru. You just need a 'Yes, ma'am.' It sounds tough because it can seem like it's in opposition to 'my way,' but explore that—whether it is yours or is that under the spell? What are you calling yours? That 'I think and I know this happened, this is where I'm stuck.' If your mind is telling you that, do you think it will tell you the truth about how to get rid of it? Why will the mind tell you the truth about how to get rid of it when its design is to dominate you?

So then what happens is, for some time, the voice which is comforting and it is guiding you to reality, that itself can seem oppressive. It can seem painful because you're saying... I am saying, 'Give it up,' and your Advaita understanding may be saying, 'But it already is so.' You see? So why can't you give up that thought then? Why do you insist on hanging on to it if it already is so? Then why do you have to put that as a barrier? So don't confuse mental understanding with true insight. If you have a resistance to follow the very one that you yourself may call Guru or Father... then they say 'bro,' 'dude,' and don't say 'Father,' 'Guru,' or nothing. That itself conveys that you're willing to follow the guidance. If you go to the math tutor and you paid the fees, you went there, you did all the things which were required, but you don't follow the instructions to continue to follow your head, then you're not utilizing the help that is available. So just like we want a God-assisted life, not a God-dictated one, you want a Guru-assisted life, not a Guru-dictated one. I have done the same stuff, okay? So I'm speaking out of direct experience.

That itself conveys that you're willing to follow the guidance. If you go to the math tutor and you paid the fees, you went there, you did all the things which were required, but you don't follow the instructions and continue to follow your head, then you're not utilizing the help that is available. So, just like we want a God-assisted life, not a God-dictated one, you want a Guru-assisted life, not a Guru-dictated one. I have done the same stuff, okay? So I'm speaking out of direct experience. So when I'm saying 'you,' I'm also talking about how this one was the same thing over and over and over and over until I came to Guruji. Not realizing that I need to give up on my ideas of right and wrong to actually be a true disciple, to actually follow my Master. And life was so gracious here that in spite of all the ignorance and stupidity that played out from here, it kept saving me. It kept saying the right one just seemed to appear, you know? It just seemed to have been Grace. So beautiful. Whenever it would catch that 23-year-old kid and she came up a bit, 'Keep quiet, you don't know anything, shut up and sit down.' I will do that. There's a time machine, maybe that's what I would use it for. The one who got into spirituality already knowing in like a few weeks that he knows most of it. 'Yeah, I got this.' But completely clueless into the reality of what it takes. But Grace so beautifully kept paving the path in spite of all the ignorance and silliness.

And I heard these words then. I heard about Bhakti, I heard about surrender, devotion. I heard all this. Even then, I thought I understood, but I only collected concepts. Collected concepts. I had great pride in being a great reader. Really read all the areas. I could quote things. I could say, 'This one said like that, this one said like this.' Put all here in the top story, hardly anything here. And what do you say was so true, you know? Like once you have that inside, we start using it for the outdoor worlds for happiness, for peace. Okay, and I can achieve all my dreams, I want to be so cool, whatever. Like, forget this. What is the actual thing that we cleaned up for it? Yes, two things I want to say about this. I'll say the second one first, which is because I'll forget, and maybe that's the more important point.

So many times we hear that you're telling me, 'Give it all up for God, even peace, love, joy. Give it all up for God.' He came for... 'How can I give it up?' No, it seems like a very rational thing, but actually, it's just like saying that, 'Oh, I came for a one-course meal for which I had to pay 5,000 rupees. Now you are telling me it's a ten-course meal instead for the same price.' So you came for love, peace, joy. I am giving you God, and you say, 'No, no, but I can't.' So you see? So that is the thing. So suppose that we walked into the wrong room at the wrong time expecting it's some, you know, corporate board meeting or something, but it actually turned out to be a meeting of Avatars, like a secret society of Avadhutas that you just enter thinking that it's a corporate board meeting. And they are just talking about so beautifully, directly pointing to the highest in the universe, you see? 'No, no, it's okay. I came for my corporate meeting. I will leave that and go.' Yeah, so that... look at the trickiness of the mind.

I am saying for God, leave your expectation of peace, joy, love, all of that. You say, 'No, no, but I started this because of that.' Okay, so if you started this because of that, but you came to a better place, why can't you leave that now? So in that way, it becomes tricky. The second thing is that we say that you were saying that we come to the inside and then we want to use the inside for personal reasons or some ephemeral things which will die in this world, no? But that is not possible unless we are trying to merge the true insight with like a mental hypnosis, you see? So it's like that's like a very roller coaster side sort of life. 'Ah, God is here, God, God is here. Okay, how can I use this? Am I most peaceful?' You see? So then the little... the Maya is what? When you've gone here, God's presence doesn't seem apparent, no matter how hard you try, you see? You can experiment with this when you bind to even the slightest notion.

Although when God's light is apparent, it is apparent that it is always there, but in the hypnosis of the head, it doesn't seem like it is apparent. When you're hypnotized, you can try this, you see? That's why we can't be super conceptual about Advaita. It has to be our lived experience. We know in reality God's light is always there and we are even beyond that as pure awareness. Clear? No, no, but all of that switches, like she was saying, flops. No, it flips completely under the influence of one thought. This is like a drug you can take. You take one pill of that drug and that drug is designed to make you feel limited. And it worked because it is God who's designed this drug. So you cannot have it both ways, you see? That's why that 'God or me' is very important.

So experiment with this and see whether you can be empty, be in God's light, God's presence. Then okay, then say, 'Okay, now I'm going to buy the slightest notion,' and see what happens. Observe for yourself what happened. Do you find that it seems that you are an individual? It will seem like that. And that seeming is the seeming in God's design of seeming. So it seems really real. It's not a bad 3D movie. It seems really real. The seeming is a very powerful force called Maya. So you have to really sacrifice this 'me' and all its desires and expectations and ideas of even doing a balancing act with God.

So kind of if you're staying very strong in this emptiness, that you really established that emptiness, that it's like a preference goes towards let's see that one.

Yes, yes. Come what may. Come what may, you said. And when you're not, return to the emptiness immediately. Come what may, what you said in the beginning. The mind only makes concepts of it and makes it more difficult. Otherwise, it's simple.

That's why my approach also has changed now where anyone who comes, you see, I am just full on with them, you know? Because after a few days, weeks, months, it'll still have the defenses. 'I understood this, I got this, this is like this.' Because okay, fast. And because of this hypocrisy of 'God or me,' I mean, like you said, you're more confused, you lose your peace of mind. But when you're losing your peace of mind, I think your mind is also becoming very heavy on you and it gets much more hold on you. Maybe you need it to become so oppressive that you decide to leave it. I'm not saying it will happen. I'm saying, are you willing to take the risk that you came to the search for God, but instead of finding God, even the peace that you had when you started with is gone?

How much do you either love God or hate life? Has to be one of the two things. You either love God so much that you're willing to sacrifice all your peace in this life, or you're done with the lie of the ego so much, you hate that so much that you're willing to sacrifice your whole life for a chance at the truth. Please, I have to scare you, no? When I put that 'chance at the truth.' Otherwise, when it seemed like a guarantee, then it feels fine. Give up to me. But you know, we don't want to do the... in Hindi we say, he's just like that. That is not possible. First empty, then God. And God up to God.

There's a confused beggar on the street that you say... I feel like I'm halfway there, not because of seeking particularly, but just how life has become over the last few. But there's still always the subtle expectation even when coming into simplicity or presence. If I'm being honest, there's always that expectation, even if it's not loss.

Yeah, now, now nothing. For all the falls, we have to work at it. It needs time. So it is not always there. We may be always buying into those ideas, right? And that is what I'm trying to chop. Right, right. If we were to conclude that the original state itself is contaminated, then there's no hope for any of us. If the original, the natural state itself was contaminated with the infection of egotism, then no hope. But it is because the original and natural state can never be touched by the falls that the simplicity actually works.

Most of us probably did not realize that the words we used in terms of surrendering to God, you see, were very, very important. And maybe we do not realize what that surrender entails. And maybe we even understood the words of the Masters where they said, 'You have to surrender the surrenderer.' You all heard these things. 'You have to surrender the surrenderer.' That sounds cool. So when I talk to my friends, 'Have you surrendered the surrenderer?' So, so all of this is not concepts that we can use for like a cocktail spirituality. That which you thought was surrendering has to go. And if you're helpless about that, then become helpless. Because you know, the concept of surrendering the surrenderer doesn't make you special in any way. If I had a parrot, I could teach that parrot this phrase to make it enlightened.

So what you filled into your heads, you need to apply to your life. And with integrity meters like this, you say, 'I have surrendered now. I consider you my Guru.' There's no point in considering anyone Guru unless you surrendered to them anyway. So in fact, it is built into calling someone your Guru. The surrender aspect is built into that. So if you say, 'You are my Guru,' Guru says, 'Tomorrow onwards, just no more mustache for you.' Then just in a few seconds, all the fears can come over this nonsensical thing. 'Does he really know what he's talking about? How does that help? Awareness remains untouched, no mustache. What does this have to do with reality?' So all these big talks of surrender go out the window in two seconds.

But it's important to check for yourself and see what is the boundary of my trust, really. What is the boundary of my trust? So if I say to all of you that over the weekend I have been very attracted to a particular form of Jainism, and in that particular form of Jainism nobody wears clothes, so Friday onwards come to Satsang but don't wear clothes and come over. He starts and love from scratch. So know that then that becomes a boundary. That is your boundary. What is the surrender? Surrender within these constraints? You keep bringing those constraints to God, to Guru's life, and allow you to overcome, transcend those. That's when we move to a true spirituality.

What did I do in my life here? Don't do what I did. Anytime I was in a spiritual Sangha or something and I decided, 'Oh, this is not the best way to do things,' I would leave. And I actually don't know how God has blessed this ignorant one with so much Grace because my whole spiritual... so it was me, me, me. Because I'm literally giving you the greatest news possible, which is that God is here. How would you respond to such news? And from whose mouth would you accept it? I have to walk through this door and say, 'God is here,' and then you accept it? Does Shankara have to come, then you accept it? Whose mouth are you waiting for to hear this? Show something wrong.

And in a way, the Arjuna conundrum is also that if something out of the world happened and then that said to me that God is here, then I would agree. Not necessarily that God has to come in the Virat form, but if Sri Ramakrishna suddenly walked into the room, 'God is here, my children,' in Bengali or whatever, huh? So this is the feeling always. Those who are with Ramana were saying, 'Why weren't we born in Shankara's time?' All of us are saying, 'Why aren't we born in Ramana's time?' So that we can never breathe. You have to accept the good news from somewhere. Whose mouth will you take the news literally from? How can it be spoken that you accept the truth and integrity of the fact that God is here? What are we still waiting for? What are we solving, resolving? So let's break that mold somewhere because otherwise we'll keep playing this game. Many of those who are listening to Jesus would have said they would have accepted it from David's mouth, and those who are listening to David would have said we would have accepted it from Moses' mouth. That's never-ending. Why?

Will you take the news literally? How can it be spoken that you accept the truth and integrity of the fact that God is here? What are we still waiting for? What are we solving, resolving? So let's break that mold somewhere, because otherwise we'll keep playing this game. Many of those who are listening to Jesus would have said, 'We would have accepted it from David's mouth.' And those who are listening to David would have said, 'We would have accepted it from Moses' mouth.' That's never-ending. Why would I lie? I get if you find God, is there some incentive for the guru? Is there some... is this some sort of multi-level marketing thing that one spreads to fifty, and more than fifty is better than all of them, it becomes a pyramid? What is it that blocks us mostly? Well, if I'm being optimistic, hopefully you're not doubting me, but you're doubting yourself.

It's wrong here, but I'm telling you it isn't. That which you take to be you, your presence, is God's presence. It can be very painful to live, so what? God is here. Such an openness he has. So what? God is here. Painful? Maybe you lose a limb or two, whatever, but God is here. So until that is not really, really what? Clear and established. I'm telling you, God is here. I changed my laptop password to 'What is here?' from my usual wallpaper. What should have happened? What would happen? Some kind of conviction? It doesn't change. You don't need to be convinced. You know it. Are you convinced you're sitting? Not convinced; you know it, because you value perceptual knowledge. You value perceptual knowledge; you give truth value to that. But that which is your own presence, you're willing to take an imprisoned view of that from your mind, as if you're living in a prison of limitation. I am saying God is here. It is your very being.

What's your approach with that? 'Why can't it happen for me?' But I'm telling you, what's your opinion? Tell me if you find something else other than God sitting there. I'll retire from that. If you look within your heart and instead of God you find somebody else there saying 'Hi,' quick deal, what do you have to check? Okay, okay. So if Adi Shankaracharya himself came and he said, 'Next to the Vedanta library there's a chair where the Lord is sitting,' what would be your approach? You could have one or two approaches, or one of many, but two hopefully. The approach is: one is to say, 'Thank you, Master, for this great news. We are so blessed, and of course we take your word for it, so we are already so grateful for this truth.' The second could be, 'Ah, is it? Let me go and check,' you see? But where are we? We'll start saying, 'Yeah, must be for those. Maybe they will get. I can't go there. It never happens to me. I've checked next to the library before and had this thing.' So this doubt stops us. This stops us. I see now, now.

So quick, instead of just meeting... so do you determine that something is wrong with you? Or something is wrong with you? And both are rubbish. Nothing is wrong with you. God is available to us. God is here for us. And then when we meet at that point, we can say God is available as us. But if before meeting you say either it is not possible, or 'I'm not looking because I tried before,' or even that 'God is available as us' before only, then all of that is avoidance. Yeah, of course, what is here is no actual taste of it, just spiritual knowledge. So we can't even escape in that way. That presence which you call 'I am,' that which woke up this morning when you said 'I woke up,' is not a personal presence. It is not a personal Atma; it's Paramatma's presence called Atma.

Enough of the but, but, but, but, but, but. Go. How long will we go? Meet it with more integrity. You don't run quickly to doubt. If there is fear as an emotion being experienced, experience it. So what? You'll feel wobbly for a bit. So what? If you're scared, maybe it'll feel like the ground from under your feet is being pulled out and you're crashing rapidly to the floor. You're going to die. That's it. Now visit the fear of the great unknown, fear of death. Face it. That's why I offered you my hand. We will face it together. But you are not to go to any doubt, to any 'but,' because in that humble-sounding 'but' and a reasonable-sounding doubt, time is going. We're losing the battle for time. Soon you'll be there. Soon the next life will start. We'll go through the same cycle. Then you find another guru, then you'll put another ring in the walls, and one more life will go. The Lakshmana story is about who? Who is that Lakshmana story about? What? About you. So right now is the time. Stop your doubting. Stop being like... stop trying to understand. That which your heart is yearning for is here. Don't pedal it away for something nonsensical, an assertion from the mind, some offer of greater understanding. Don't sell it that cheap.

If there's any difficulty except 'what my mind says,' we'll come to that in a moment. Anything except 'but my mind says'? Nobody? I am seriously asking, not rhetorically. I made quite a rhetorical speech, whatever I'm saying. Not 'but my mind says,' that will come to me without that.

Sometimes it's like fighting through the mind. Even that's happening there, and buying this lovely... you're always there, but then she's here. That's what my mind said. To come to that, come get some boat noise. Ah, you can feel like that, that it takes some time to settle. Yeah, it beats very loudly.

Yes, and once it's settled, so what? Let's say... so the mind says, 'Yeah.' So that thought comes and goes. That's what my mind said. But once it's settled... so let's accept for a moment the proposition that it's not now, now, actually settling, settling, settling, settling. Okay, now it's apparent. Okay, yes. And now I'm going to say something which may sound harsh, but I want to say is that now if you are not selfish or proud or falsely humble, then it's easy. But many times your pride will pull you. It will say... the mind will offer you, 'Ah, does this mean that I've got God? Does this mean I'm enlightened?' This is that pride will pull you. Or sometimes it'll just be like, 'Oh, all these ones must be getting it. I am not getting anything.' That kind of humility, so-called humility, will pull you. Sometimes wanting to play now that some apparent discovery has been made, that will pull you. So that's what I mean by selfishness: when I still want something for myself. I still want to grab at some desire or stay away with some aversion, or I want this to fix something in my life. All that I've put into the box of selfishness, anything to do with the false self. But if you're truly innocent, truly simple, nothing is that attractive.

Now, 'but my mind says,' but didn't see Christ's passion. Yeah, you know, that's so unselfishness. Maybe that way I give. If it is... if selfishness is like a furiousness or a grasping, then unselfishness is the dispassion, not clutching at anything. And another kind of issue, the kind of issue... very true. Your presence is very unique and I've seen kind of... it's repeating. Like, I get upset when I don't see it elsewhere.

Yes, because I've heard this before, so don't worry. You can expose it. So because what? Why do you get upset? What is the thought behind it or the notion?

Kind of, I now allow myself to spend a lot of time just remotely myself, which means to everything.

So you want both?

No, I reduced like human interaction to minimum as possible.

But suppose for this you could not want anything else, including reducing human interaction. Suppose for God's light that you say yes, you could not have any other expectation, even that of reducing human interaction and being isolated, whatever. Nothing else right here. But this is the thing. So this is that wanting to be independent, wanting to do things on my terms.

This empty... what is occurring if I'm in contact with, um, just general daily life, um, yeah, I will... I started reflecting too much and I lose it. I use different kind of clarity. So I need to again kind of redraw to be clear.

Yes, and I've always told you this, no? How do you know this? It's just like, yes, by what? By itself, right? Thanks. You see what I mean? That we have determined for ourselves that my terms of living are a good life or the better way. And if you were to listen to yourself objectively at some distance, you would say what you are saying is, 'I come to you in satsang and it's palpable, no? The Satguru presence within my heart is palpable. But when I'm not in satsang, then it's a mess.' Now, is that Satguru presence not worth it for it to be a mess, for the rest to be a mess? Okay, what am I competing against? No, no, but even now, what am I competing against? Your intellect? Your heart? What is on the other side which says, 'I hear you, but it's just the expectation that it has'?

What is that tool? What is that instrument? You can check right here. You can check on this. So already you are saying that the one in whose presence you experience this is saying something, and you are obviously trying to answer with integrity. But what is the tool that we are using to answer with that integrity? And is that tool not misplaced? Is that tool the thief that we are trying to catch anyway and check on? Is it your intuitive insight, your response? And if it is coming from the Satguru present within you, I am in service to that light. I am in service to that light. This body-mind is in service to that same presence. But is this very different from what that man told Papaji when he said, 'Master, at your feet it's also clear, but when I go to the marketplace of the world, then I lose it all'? Then Papaji said, 'So why do you leave?'

It's more and more clear. It's becoming more and more clear because there is no other even option, even though I do keep getting upset on the same matter and somehow I found them if I... I can balance it with the extreme people.

I want to tell you something which may sound like bad news, okay? So many times it seems like the ego has run out of moves, and we've also had... it's very auspicious. But actually, as long as the waking state appears, the ego will have at least one move. And that move itself could be to say, 'I have run out of moves.' So this is such a tricky intelligence, the mind. Such a sneaky intelligence that even in its report that 'I have run out of moves,' that could be the move. It never runs out of moves. This is eventually... some of you may have to suffer that much that you give up on it. But don't expect that it will run out of moves. You may not enjoy its moves anymore. You may see it from a higher place and say, 'No, that I cannot do,' so I give up on it. But don't wait for the deal that the ego will run out of moves. You run out of ego. You run out of your mind first. Don't use the thief's voice to try and catch a thief.

For all of you, that suppose you felt... and this is not about coming to satsang with Ananta, okay? This has nothing to do with that. I have no attraction about making this popular or anything. I'm just saying that sometimes we just have to listen to ourselves. We say, 'When we come to satsang it's so apparent, but I'm by myself...' But why do you leave me? You may say, 'I found a cave which has the best vibrational quality, and if I sit in that cave for a few weeks, I feel the presence of God.' But you just said you come to satsang and you feel the presence of God. So don't allow the mind to trick you, take you away from that gift which is so palpable and apparent. We must accept that what seems like my terms or seems like my will is the will of the tester. And that which at this point may seem like difficult, maybe even ungraspable insight from the heart, that is God's will. So if this life is a training about how to follow the will of God, where can you learn that best except with one who has already followed? But when your mind tells you, 'But no, no, this I have to do on my own,' that is where it takes you for a ride. You have the best meal in the universe cooked for you. The mind says, 'No, but you have to start cooking in the kitchen because we have to be independent.' Be careful of these tricks, because many children over the years just fall for some silliness like...

God's will. So, if this life is a training about how to follow the will of God, where can you learn that best except with one who has already followed? But when your mind tells you, 'But no, no, this I have to do on my own,' that is where it takes you for a ride. You have the best meal in the universe cooked for you; the mind says, 'No, but you have to start cooking in the kitchen because we have to be independent.' Be careful of these tricks because many children over the years just fall for some silliness like this: 'Oh, Father has given us everything that he had. We are so grateful to him, but that last mile we have to do by ourselves.' Who told you that? Who told you that? And you've been walking that last mile for years. Don't fall for these tricks. Many times it is the ego's last stand. It proposes independence; it proposes individual achievement of freedom. That makes for the better story. Stay down in this river. Stay down in this river of God's light. Don't try to create a new one, a new river. From this drowning, the most beautiful river will emerge from your expression.

I think I misunderstood for a long time. It's led me down this path of independence. When he says—and I'm not even sure if this needs to do that—but 'the thorn must be used to remove the thorn.' And so then I took on this identity, the identity of needing to think and to take out the thorn.

Okay, that's a unique interpretation, I would say. I'm glad you're noticing it and I'm glad you brought it out because what Bhagwan is actually saying—use that—he's actually saying that even the pointers ultimately are concepts, you see? So when the concept is offered to you, inquire into the nature of who you are. We use that concept to weed out all the other thorns which are there, and ultimately even that is lost. In the same way, he said that just as the stick that you use to light the funeral fire is also thrown into the fire, those are the pointers of the Masters who are giving you the words so that you can clean up all the conditions and then throw those also. Because that's why all the words in satsang are also spoken provisionally, you see? It is not so that you can use your ego to try and kill the ego, personal desire, and fear.

You know, taking it out.

Okay, so let's look at it this way. What would be such a thorn that you have tried to use? Let's take an example of what that thorn would be.

You asked me what the thing looks like. For example, what would you use to actively... let's say there's a personal problem. It takes a shape or whatever. Then there's a thinker that comes around the corner and tries to solve this personal problem on that level. And so that thinker is the thorn, this thorn that I'm trying to weed it out with, but really it's just perpetuating.

Yes, yes, yes. Wow, that's quite a trick from the mind, I have to say. And thank you for bringing that to my attention because that is quite... I have to say, well played by the mind. It's quite a thing it has done, and it's great that we spotted this today. No, the metaphor is just so... if you say, 'Okay, my thorn that I'm going to use is Ananta's pointing or the pointing Guru Kripa.' So this is happening in my life; I am not to fret on it, it's Guru Kripa. That is what the thorn is. Once you're open and empty, then you don't need to... hey, that is what he meant by throwing the thorn away, because then you're just fully empty in the presence of God's light. It is not to try and meet the problem at that level. Although that's a great interpretation of it, it is going too far. You know, metaphors, if stretched too much, then they can become very interesting but not really that useful. So it's just something you heard in satsang. Suppose it was 'My life is for God.' Your mind will only bother you with things about your life. 'My life is for God.' 'So what are you going to do about your girlfriend?' 'My life is for God.' 'How are you going to make money?' I'm not saying you don't have to do those things; I'm saying inwardly you can be empty by reminding yourself, 'My life is for God.' So that is the thorn. Now, when you're empty, you don't have to keep repeating 'My life is for God, my life is for God.' This thorn is the concept given to just rely on it and trust it and wash away those past tendencies of getting involved. Just trust the thorn until the thorn relieves you of that anxiety attack. Quite a nice one.

Yeah, I've heard this—I don't know where I've heard it or read it—to be the same thing. You should constantly engage in Nam Smaran. So, say whatever the name of the Divine is, you know? So it would be a time when I do the sadhana and the mind would be like, 'See, you have one moment of gap there. You know you're supposed to do it constantly, right?' I would freak myself out to the point where I would be so uncomfortable that even the Nam Smaran wasn't even giving me any joy. It would be like a thing that you're doing, but then it's like constantly on watch, constantly on vigil.

Yes, and that is how the mind tricks us. So whatever tool, whatever practice, whatever method we may be using, it is for us to live in God's light. There comes a point where the thorn metaphor has achieved its objective and then you feel like, 'No, no, but I have to do that because if I don't do that, I'm being a bad disciple or follower.' It is meant to do this. What can be higher than Atma Gyan? So let that get you to Atma Gyan. All the names are contained in your heart already. It is not just the names, but every possible expression of God flows from that place. So when you find yourself in the hypnosis, that is where all these helpful tools are available, not when you're empty. See it? So when you're empty of it, how to express this? Okay, let's use the example. It is said that we must pray unceasingly. Same thing in a way: pray unceasingly. So how to pray unceasingly? 'God bless me, please help me, God,' you know, like that, and pray. But when we are just in the light of the Holy Spirit, it is the same as the Satguru presence. That is also praying. That is not smaller than praying; that is higher than praying. So whatever the practice may be, it is in service to that. When they say constantly pray unceasingly, it is as a counter to the mind's constant assertions and the mind's constant need to be right, conclude things, and determine the nature of things. That's straightforward, you know. Once you find the presence, don't leave it at all costs. And when you do leave it, come back immediately. That's why I've been using this metaphor—maybe some of you are getting offended by it, but it's quite effective, I feel—like it must become as if you're a dog following a scent. You've found the perfume; now you're not to leave it in all conditions. Because if you leave this empty, you don't know when you'll pick it up again. Just chase it down. Chase it down. Do its course. Okay? No matter what the mind is saying, the world is slapping you around, everything is burning, everything... but don't leave that, come what may. It is difficult at times. If it was easy, then I would not need to repeat it. But I'm hoping that these words will get seated somewhere, so when life is slapping us, then they will come as reminders from your heart. What he was saying: the world may burn around us, but I am not to leave this scent of God. Because what is on offer is only a narrative as a replacement to this most divine, holy presence within you. The replacement is just a good story, and mostly it only sounds good to you. Nobody else is interested in your story. Nobody. Don't replace God for such a lame prize. None of us is going to become the next tall story, or the Osho, or somebody else. Our stories are worth throwing away. And then those stories, actually, as a replacement for God, are worth throwing away. So don't spend your life becoming a storyteller. That's what's on offer from the mind. God is here. I like his story of that. He wants to realize it. Made the laptop password 'God is here.' Make your password also just respond to that.

Saturday you were talking about that white flower in that highest... so is it like that used to now, now, now kind of things skip to that?

Yes, yes. But and now again. Okay, so what is the insight with that?

It's the one thing I observed, Father, in that. It said the one always kept in... I think that's it.

What is that? I said that was just typing, although I don't know, I'm not offering many clues. Come up to you when you said that about that thorn, like last food being from... you had this even now. Now you're only... of course, no word, nothing, nothing is needed. Everything is provisional, just like milestones on the road or like arrows on the roads: that way, this way. Once you get to the destination, what are you going to do with this? You don't leave it again.

Yeah, so that you don't leave it again. Can you just put them on the ground next to you, make a barrier?

A new prison, actually. This metaphor is working well. So that all the pointers that we have, we can make a spiritual ego out of it and become a new prison. Can imprison ourselves in the words itself. See, that's where the last one also has to be thrown away. That's what you would call the highest pointing, would you know? My highest pointing always has been 'blah blah, blue blue.' Why that special one? Maybe that one you can hold on to then? Why among all the thousands of words? Act is a bit problematic. This one now: don't leave the Master's feet. No, I mean, I thought, why is that out for special singling out? No, anything like that. I mean, you say that in different ways, but basically you're saying don't leave God.

Don't leave God, yeah. Or the first-world problem: at which point can I leave God? How much into the Absolute must one...?

One of my kids said the other day—they were speaking very seriously—they said, 'You know what the biggest problem is? The biggest problem ever is when somebody has given you some food, they've ordered some food for you, you hate it, it's the best food, and you don't know where it's from.' So for a minute I looked at them, I tried to be serious and go with that conversation, but then I just burst out laughing. I said, 'This is your biggest problem in life? If you don't know where the best food you just ate was ordered from?' Falling away from the flow of things, but something in my mind is having more energy.

Yeah, so apparently during the conversation we talked about what is it that makes you let go of the hand. You're back in a way. And for a while now I feel like there's a gun to my head and it's saying, 'If you don't do this, whatever this is, X, then Y will happen.' Y will happen or will not happen. The factor Y, yes, will happen. And Y isn't anything specific in the world; it's still phenomenal, but it's a very subtle unpleasant vibration, just this terror. It's almost... there's no rhyme or reason to it, but when it comes, the tendency is to run, you know, avoid it at all costs. And I see this in this door that I am in, and this terror just keeps pulling me out of the house of God and makes me take the form of doership. So now...

We must invite that terror in while you're in satsang. I am here together. And now you're staying in this building, no, nearby? So when you're in satsang, invite it. Say, 'Okay, come.' You're here for a few months, two months? So yeah, let's see. Let's face it together. My Brahmastra is that God is here. What you have in this point... all of you, some of you may not have seen that when we were growing up, we used to watch Ramayan on TV. Watching Ramayan on TV, then we would always... like whole episodes would go just in fighting between two warriors. So one will have this special thing, one will have that special thing. So I am telling you, God is here. What you have, destroy it. Be destroyed. Destroying people. I got this. 'But what about me?' Either you can prove to yourself that God is not here and then you can argue with me saying it's rubbish what you say, or you can find something which is of more value to you than God's presence. Loop creates like a doubt, chasing nothing's wrong. So even if you...

Just in fighting between two warriors, so one will have this special thing, one will have that special thing. So I am telling you God is here. What you have destroyed, be destroyed. Destroying people. I got this, but what about me? Either you can prove to yourself that God is not here and then you can argue with me saying it's rubbish what you say, or you can find something which is of more value to you than God's presence.

Thank you. Loop creates like a doubt chasing. Nothing's wrong, so even if you chase with your attention, nothing happens. Refuse the content of a thought with your attention, the hypnosis is not set in. Oneness drug inside my heart is here. He, I want to see the full extent of God.

Yeah, okay. So we haven't tackled that question. So he said, hold on to God's presence with all your might. Yes. Now, like you said, and very rightly actually, that in this presence you find that this is like a very subtle vibrational quality. Some have called it Om, some have called it the I Am-ness, whatever word you want to use for this primordial sound. But this tent of it is not covered in the taste of it, okay? Like if you are angry, then you taste the anger and the extent of the anger is what you're tasting the anger to be. But in God's presence, that is not the case. That's also mysterious. It's so beautiful because you're tasting this and it literally feels like the triple thighs, but because every time I meet God, I'm more in awe. I'm more in awe because what I meet, of course, the vibration itself is sublime. It's so beautiful. But when I ask myself, where is it coming from? Or what are its boundaries? When did it start? Anything. I have, and all of you have, an intuitive insight into its limitlessness which your mind cannot grasp at with any mechanism.

So although you may say, some of you may say it's in the heart region, presence is felt strongly, but that is just what I've been saying, the toenail of God. God's presence is the presence of its being, and its being itself is its word itself. So if its being itself is so vast and limitless, and then when we check what is aware of its limitlessness, then there is no way for the mind to say these words. But you see for yourself without sight, intuitively, that beyond limited, limitlessness, space, spacelessness, being, beinglessness, all these are irrelevant to you that is aware of this. And you know intuitively that it is that itself which has blessed us with this vibration.

The beauty of it is that its immediacy does not have the limitations of the world. It is not in time or space. Your presence, the Atma, is not in time or space. And these are such beautiful contemplations. What a beautiful life it is that we can contemplate. Ananta is saying that awareness is beyond that vast, limitless beingness which I can't see anyway, but I know intuitively. But even beyond that, I am witnessing that non-perceptually. What is he saying? Because to the mind these are absurd words. This sounds like word hotpot. But this is the insight. This is what all the sages have told us since the beginning of humanity, of time.

Is this idea of time smuggled back? And I feel like, is it sponges back even in just the perception of the world? No, but in the sense that it has to ripen more or you have to marinate in it? Yes, yes, yes. Maybe something that's not there now, that kind of...

So now you found God. What would you want to spend time with? That it doesn't seem like hard work. Like sometimes the 'have to' can make us want to run. You found God, and here you're chasing peanuts. But what is God doing now? I just started thinking, yeah, who's trying to handle it? We leave that one here. I'll handle that one, you go and give that. So this is the project: if you haven't found God, find God at all costs. Give up your life for that. If you found God, forget everything else. Forget everything else. God is here. That's it. Simple project. Don't get distracted. Don't decide your terms. Don't say, 'Okay, in this much time.' You may not wake up tomorrow. The world may end tomorrow.