Allow Your Heart to Just Be. Don’t Oppress It with Your Conceptual Understanding - 22nd May 2026

It was as he came because he's been 17 years in France without having yet received a real visa, a real papers and he's just mistreated on that level. So that's also why I accepted and because I had already other people in my house before and so that's why I was asked and when he came I just could measure very quickly he felt quite he saw me at first a bit a bit like a sage. So he opened quite his heart and said about his past life and I saw how challenging it has been even before coming to France. And I don't want to go into much detail. So, but and so I when he came back, he had a job, mistreated in his job, of course, exploited. And when he came late in the night after midnight and I was usually waiting for him, always actually. And he brought some food. I would make warm for him. And he would sit and he would tell me about his job and how mistreated he was. It went like this for probably at least two weeks or I don't pro much probably longer. No, I I'm quite sure longer. And at some point I don't remember. I have no idea. It was quite long. At some point I felt it was not good to repeat all the mistreatments every every night. And so I left him alone for to eat and not talking from that point with him. And then at one point in the daily life we had sometimes he was a bit stubborn on something and I would I would react and say and I would also make some not very good humor saying as were talking about how about cultures and things and we saying about how Africans are seen as savages by many by many people and sometimes I would would make it make it as a joke but to him but he never took it as a joke and so and once he was very stubborn when were cooking together and I had to tell him, "Yes, it something he said is not normal on a on a on the way to put the gas. I it should be this way." I said, "No, but on this is on this machine, it's this way." And I'm sorry, now we are cooking, we have to do it like this and but it's not normal. Yes. Yes. But come on. And I went a bit I just was a bit direct, you know, and so several things and because I was not staying with him in the from that the evenings, he became slowly more avoiding and dark and all the small mistreatments he felt he would he would go even stronger he felt mistreated even if I didn't know sometimes and he told me recently was just a few days ago that he felt for him the fact that I left him alone eating standing in the middle of his eating was like an injur like not disrespect. He didn't tell me that this way but he I could understand that. So things cultural things have been playing quite a lot and so slowly slowly and at some point he said as I told you the last time he said even coming home he already felt bad approaching my home and he could never sleep well and he said the house is full of demons and so on. So that was for me very challenging and so that was how it transformed and it became really like I told you last time hell for me I mean psychically I couldn't feel at ease with him anymore and I wanted to and I'm still wanting to and that's why I'm bringing up this way because it is totally showing in a real situation what it can mean to be autonomous in a in a real sense in the heart and I see I am not and then that's that's really the thing which is put into light because my quest is still and for much most of us it's the same. It's still a kind of identity and also a refuge in the in for me in the wrong sense then you know because it becomes Yeah. It's wrong and not wrong because SA is a family and is it's not a misleading one but nevertheless they are they are traps in this for the me who's on the way and always in the center of the frame. That's it. So, I wanted I needed just to just to put it in our light, in our common light. Because it's just warm. I just feel to so to say to surrender it so to not to save anything of it and that's why if ask me whatever is still needed because I want really to make the light uned because I know I know it is really in real life we are tested that we are tested and I am already almost grateful for him for since since the beginning I've always felt I was challenged challenged in a in a very important place but it takes me it takes time because the clinging to that's why I say I almost agree that I I'm a vampire that I was wanting and I'm still wanting always to connect to him or to anybody. It's really really strong in me and very strong even Thank you. Let me try and simplify a bit. Let me try and simplify a bit and you can Yes,.

You can correct me if my simplification isn't.

Yes, please. Please.

Something like that. So there's this man who is like a tenant in your house and he is originally of African descent and and initially you had a good relationship where you felt like he considered you to be selike like he looked up to you in terms of what you were sharing with him and what what the construct of that exchange was. So then something happened and you felt like you wanted to keep some distance so you stopped engaging with him so much in the evenings and he started feeling that you somehow are not good for his energy. Is you have this sort of intrusive energy. He felt that you have this kind of intrus intrusive energy and he did not want to subject himself to that. And what he's really saying now is that he doesn't want that construct of a relationship and you have two options. Basically he's told you have two options. One is that you can ask him to go or you can accept the fact that this is how it's going to be. Yes.

Yes.

So, and you feel that since you're sharing the same roof, you're living in the same house, why not have a cordial happy interaction with each other where there's not so much stress and tension in every interaction. You feel like n bringing things to some level of harmony so that you can live happily together under your roof actually under one roof but your roof so that is what it is now if he did not want that construct of the relationship where you are you are the sage in the relationship and you're just friends or brothers or would you be okay with that?

Of course. Of course. Totally. I was not wanting to be in that position of it is because I came into this quite naturally because his situation was quite difficult and I had to support him facing mistreatment and in this in this phase it was also helpful but the fact that I stopped and that was not felt well.

I see. Where did the did the when you were saying that some joke about Africans are savages? What what was that about?

You I we spoke about that topic and about cultural differences and things like that. It was nice and once it happened to me to use it as a joke to tell him savage to like and this was not received well. He didn't say anything in the moment but he and so.

So can we pause there for one moment and.

Yes and know I have I have also to another thing you know I have breathing problems I my breath is short at the moment and since quite a while and it is can be loud and at some point he told me are you he told me stop doing so and it's even stronger when I come close to you. He said and I said it is it is it he said you are rejecting me. So I said it is not and please respect me I cannot change it. Is not for fun but the I was quite shocked also and in and so these kind of energetical things have been felt from my side also. Yeah, sorry.

I just want to say that I don't feel like at all I don't know the construct of the relationship or how things are and where you are but to label someone as savage even as a joke can be very hurtful and we should never we should.

I agree. I agree.

And u I hope we've made the necessary amends for that. We've asked forgiveness. We've looked into ourselves and said that this is something that can never be looked at.

Yes. And that was that and then that was before the last time and that what I told you he had come back and told he had he asked me forgiveness and I was asking him and told him as you as I told you please understand it was never against you want meant to be really against you and but since then since this so-called forgiveness I know he hasn't really forgiven and so and I for me I have I really felt I was light but I never felt him light in since then. So that's it.

Maybe it's not all right for him because you know if I came to France as an Indian for example and I stayed there 17 years without documentation and I had to stay in somebody's house because I did not have the necessary papers so I was compelled to stay in the house I was dependent on that at that time but there was this white Frenchman who called me a savage because I was an Indian. I don't know whether at what point I would have been able to forgive him that easily. That may not be that easy to let go of. I know that your intention may have been whatever. I don't I can't really on that but that would be in most relationships that would be a problematic big problem.

Yes. Yeah. I have mistreated him several times invalatorily also with because he's allergic to claw and I've been cleaning something in my kitchen and he was and when he came he felt very attacked and that was I was not thinking it would be that strong for him. I had done it several hours before and washed and then I never thought it would be felt like this. And so he felt directly attacked and it happened two times that he felt attacked when I was cleaning something with chlor. And so these these are things who have remained in his psyche very very deeply. I'm sure.

I mean I don't know he's not he's like most for most of our brothers and sisters in the world it would remain in their psyche. I don't feel like these are easy things to let go of now. It seems like.

I know.

He's just there because he needs the housing and he's not so easy to get because.

Absolutely.

Of his status but he doesn't want anything else in this relationship and.

Absolutely.

I feel like really you have to hand it over to God in the sense that let me let me take a simpler example to illustrate my point about keeping God in the center of the frame. You know what is happening is that some of you are hearing it as if we are able to presuppose what that would look like. So that's so we are like presuppose. No. So one child said to me very sweetly she is in a job or in a job situation where in a work situation where she has to put herself out there promote herself in some way. So and she said to me that if I put God in the center of the frame then I will never be able to do this marketing sort of initiative. But I said to her that God has to tell you that in the sense that we cannot presuppose that if I put God in the center of my life then this is what will never happen or should never happen. I cannot talk about myself. Even if God is in the if God is in the center of the frame and it is his will that something outwardly has to happen from this body mind instrument then that is up for God to decide. We cannot determine what God's will would be. So, my suggestion is that we have to come to God's presence, keep him in the center of the frame without giving it to our mind, intellect and saying, "No, no, if it is God in the center, then this should not happen. If it is God in the center, then that should not happen." No, that is up for God to decide. You see now what happens is that because we are so used to determining how things should be.

Yeah.

And then we say okay if he was in the center of my life, if he was my beloved, if he was all there is as reality then these actions should happen and these actions should not happen. So let me decide to do those actions or not do those actions based on my determination. But we've never put God in the frame then.

Absolutely. Thank you. That's that's exactly what I needed to hear my dear.

So just put him in the center of the frame and allow yourself to be so empty of intellectual mental translation of what your heart is sharing. So that your expression becomes so naked of that those layers and your just it just travels from there from heart to the outer. You see because what many of us are doing is falling into this trap of let me live as if God is in the center of my frame. What would that look like? You see absolutely we get into what would that look like? We are using our mind intellect and say this should happen, this should not happen, this is right, this is wrong. But that is still the me trying to retain control actually because this mystery, this unpredictability of completely handing over to him seems too much for the ego, for the me. So it still wants to keep some semblance of control and in that pretend semblance actually it is taking charge. You see God would never want me to do this or God would want me only to do that. Why do you need to determine that? As God said you determine based on your understanding of me what I would want.

Yeah. Yeah. That's spot on.

So it's very important that our true surrender happens where we are so empty of these layers of interception of contamination and we allow our heart to speak and we don't determine what God would want. Don't determine what that would look like because then we're giving we're giving charge we're giving charge to the mind. We're giving intellectual authority to the intellect to override or speak. Yes. To speak speak for God. To speak for God. Yeah. Exactly. Thank you. That is spot on. Really? So I bless you. I send you all my love. I know it's a difficult situation. But some things I from what I hear you also need to make commends for in a very deep way because some of these things which I heard should not be spoken should not should not be felt spoken nothing. It should not be part of our life at all even as a joke.

Yeah. Totally. Totally. I totally agree and I recognize it. Yes. But the last thing you said about speaking for God is the most is the what covers all.

That's Yeah. Thank you. And you you're just mirroring exactly the thing. Thank you. Thank you so much. Still this laptop is causing some confusion. Okay, this I want to make that point a little simply because I was noticing in the room it was not. So we say put God in the center of the frame. What does it mean? That this moment belongs to God. It does not belong to the make believe me. We are not getting the ego in the picture. It is handed over to God. Now to hand it over to God, we remain empty or we remain in his remembrance. Isn't it? Every moment we empty of the me where we naturally with God or we remain in his remembrance. We can use his name if you want. So to remain in his remembrance. Now many of us have seen reports that we are feeling that to be to have God in the center of the frame means that the me will start determining what he would want. You see and I will live moment to moment based on my presumption of what he would want or what the spiritual me should be like rather than actually handing this moment over to Ram Ji. And allowing him to use this instrument the way he wants to use it. You see, there is no room for the me to speculate. Then there is no room for the me to say, "No, no, this would be pleasing. This would not be pleasing." You see, if it comes from him, then it is pleasing to him. You see, if I'm available as an instrument to follow his will, then that is what I've been calling pleasing. And if I'm caught up in ego, caught up in pride, caught up in hatred, caught up in anger, caught up in resentment, and I'm focused on me then I'm just wasting this life, wasting this opportunity, wasting the potential of my insights to be completely immersed in him. You see, and that lack of immersion, I'm calling that as displeasing. That is displeasing because if you're not living up to the potential of our design, you see, so your mother makes you the best food for dinner and you order some American chops with you? No. Then will that be pleasing to your mother? It won't be. Isn't it? So in the same way God has given us such an intricate antahkarana which can delight in his presence can live in his presence which can be immersed in his love and light and we are using it to grab me what about me feel better about myself just elevate myself as special make myself feel like I'm number one and all of these nonsensical things which still afflict all of these afflict me by the way. So, but we get into all of that and wouldn't that be such a waste? What is the design of what we have and what is it that we using it for? You see, we have the most well-designed Swiss watch. You see, and you're using it to hammer a nail, isn't it? So, then the designer of that will not be pleased. No, not. So, maybe it sounds a bit simplistic when I say, right? But just this moment, who does it belong to? Am I immersing myself in this me? Or am I empty of this? And the thing is that you know it in your heart. You know it in your heart. Moment to moment. So your heart really becomes like a inner compass becomes so the texture the our sensitivity becomes so sensitive to the texture of our heart that we are able to sense his will in our heart. Is able to sense his will in our heart without having to necessarily hear it as a proclamation from God or something because those things will rarely happen but just to live in that. So that's why I've been saying that to live with a heart soaked in love for God then keeps us in his love in his light. But to get into a spiritual sounding me or a spiritual sense of me where the me is saying this is good, this is bad, I should be like that, I should not be like that. You see then the oppressor is just become spiritual in its costume. The same one who was saying no no this much money will be good this relationship you should have this is how your body should be all of these things is now saying this is what your spiritual spiritual spirituality your outer spiritual life should look like. So we've just transferred the operation into spiritual costume. Like I remember once Radha said sometimes you just know you have to do something and that again please some one who said Radha once said that sometimes you just know that you have to do something and God can comms also talk of sensing and not hearing a voice. Yeah.

I just wanted to because there is some interpretation involved in this and I want to be careful about it like.

Interpretation involved in the hearing of this or in the following of this.

Following. Okay. Tell me more about that. What is the interpretation? Like I think it's God guiding me when like it doesn't come with words but the meaning of the words is conveyed without it it's a strange thing to.

So without words what is the room for interpretation.

The interpretation is this is God communicating.

Why is that needed that interpretive layer is needed for what.

That is that is following as well.

No, no. So you said already wordlessly some sense of meaning is received in the heart.

Yeah.

Yes. Wordlessly some sense of meaning or intention or direction is received in the heart wordlessly.

Yeah.

Now to put intent to add an interpretive layer to that would mean that we are saying why do we need that direction from the head saying this is God's will. How else? No, you say so how did the meaning get received in the heart? You said beautifully that wordlessly in fact the discipleship of the Atma will happen mostly wordlessly. So I'm very happy to hear these words. But then why do we need to add words on top? In fact that is the very thing which I'm cautioning against. So what you're saying in your question what else can we do is that you're saying that how would we actually act on it or how would we actually execute that in the same way that the meaning was received.

Can I elaborate a bit more I think here the mind is getting in because I thought about it some more maybe I shouldn't have but like say when we translate from one language to the other like say pani and I say I want water words are different grammar everything is different but the meaning is retained and that meaning the mind can also is it the mind like the meaning is it.

Why would God share wordlessly if words could do it.

Like you once said so that the mind doesn't get involved like it can.

Yeah and also that it's like words are very crude. No, like when we talk about intention, direction, meaning these are very primitive and crude. Although our dictionary may be very large now, our vocabulary may be very large now. But compared to the true texture of our heart, these things are very primitive. So you feel like something so deep in your heart, you feel a sense of prayerfulness for example. You see then does the word prayerfulness come close to that sense of prayer prayerfulness doesn't come close you see and you when we use the word prayerfulness then you communicate that you see then what they what another may understand of the word prayerfulness will be so different from the sense of prayerfulness that you're feeling. Yes. You see, so if you use if you're feeling that sense in your heart, then you're allowing the mind to convey what the meaning of that is and then you're basing your understanding based on that. You're already two layers based away from it. No.

Can you repeat?

Yeah. So you're feeling a sense in your heart.

Yeah.

You see it's wordless but you felt some transmission. You felt some communication is happening in your heart. You know.

That also I'm not so sure.

Of course, because it's always going to be about faith. Our shortity is so dependent on whether we can create a narrative out of it. So that's why it's very good to not be sure because we learn to live in faith that way. We will really take a long time before we become so sure in the heart. That's what saintliness and sageliness looks like. When sages are so sure in their heart that this is what my feet have to be I have to walk this way that takes a lot of staying there. So first you will not be sure and yet because of your intention to follow him. If you're not trying to manipulate God just purely in your intention to follow him it'll be taken care of. So but what I am saying is that now you felt something which is wordless. No. So then the ma mind will grasp around for some construct to try and come close to that but it'll never will. You see that's why the sharing of Satsang is so difficult because I can never in 14 years of sharing I've never been able to share my heart. I've never been able to share insight from the heart. It always gets translated into words. And these words are so crude. They are so crude. You see? So then what you are saying is that unless my mind makes meaning out of it then how will I ever understand what is being shared with me in the heart and then how will I ever act on it you see but then you're doing it as good as sharing with somebody else because they will determine meaning out of the words that you share and what by then it's already two layers of Chinese whispers which have gone possibly gone very far from there and that thank you for asking this question because this is exactly the point I was trying to make you see instead of handing over our life to God moment to moment we are putting on the mask of a godly life without realizing it you know our intention may be good but we putting on the mask of a godly life like what would God have me do now instead of checking with God we say okay now what have I learned you know what do I think he would have me do you see then we are in the same mental oppression if you refuse to leave the chamber remember where we've been oppressed, the prison cell where we've been oppressed, we just change the uniform of the prisoner. You see, then how will we escape the prison? Isn't it? So already it is very good what you say because most will say what are you talking about that something was conveyed into your heart wordlessly that itself is a giant leap. No, that you have an intuitive sense of something without needing the crudness of words to determine what it was is already a giant leap. You see, now resist the temptation to make conceptual meaning out of it. Leave the meaning spiritual. What does it mean? Leave the meaning spiritual. What is the meaning of that? Which is to allow spirit itself to guide you, to lead you moment to moment. Without needing to determine this is what this means. This is what it come what it is. Because if God wanted to communicate inwards then what stops him? Nothing stops him. No. If he wanted to come like an Akashvani like he did for Kansa then he would come as an Akashvani and nothing stops him. No. So sorry if I need to translate that probably. So if I need to hear his voice like a like a thunderbolt in the sky proclaiming something that he wants for him it's nothing. It's still what is this called? A click of the finger. You see? So there's no big deal in that. He wants you to learn a subtler way of life, a deeper way of existence where you're not burdening yourself constantly, oppressing yourself constantly with what does this mean? And you're not saying that unless I know what this means, then I will not be able to live in that because then there is no room for faith. You see, what faith will tell you is going to be 99% indecipherable. So then people will ask you so but why are you going left isn't it right you say I don't really know it is not that you don't really know it is only that you don't have the words to explain you know somewhere and you learn to live in that somewhere so already very good but now stay there stay there because a very big thing what you said.

That I felt And I'm paraphrasing, but I felt like something was being conveyed to me without needing words.

Get used to that mode of knowledge. That is where the Atma communicates.

Like one more thing I wanted to contrast. Increase the volume of this. Check. Thank you. Like to contrast it with some similar things the mind also does like many times when I'm just sitting and I want to write something I don't have the words but something is there and words get clothed and then come out.

So I would say for sometime words for what words what words you're saying my heart already knows something which was shared wordlessly from somewhere deep inside I'm calling that the Atma your heart knows now words for what just listen words for what.

Yeah I feel I don't know it until I put it into words.

That's what no very good this is a breakthrough conversation I feel although it's happening in words but So you can learn to trust this wordless transmission now and don't rush to intellectualize it cuz then you will get into the concept of translating what you're meeting in the heart into what your mind's interpretation is. You see the danger of that? It can say whatever it wants. You see you're feeling ABC and what is to prevent your mind from translating that as XY Z and what verification tool will you use? So suppose that you're feeling like a deep love for a brother. Feeling a deep love for a brother. You want to share love in from your heart but your mind has translated that as to I feel like visiting Goa. This is what it feels like. It feels like I want to go to Goa. How will you validate? With what instrument will you validate that translation? You can't. So you're seeing the danger of that, isn't it? It's like handing the house keys over to the thief. Okay, you tell me what to do for my safety. I'm finding the treasure in my heart. I'm finding God's insight in my heart. Now, if you give that to the mind, it's like saying that you hand the diamond over to the thief and say, "Please keep it safe." I'm not meaning to rant. I'm just making this point strongly. So, you hear it. So this is scary because we are so used to make trying to make sense of it in our mind. You see but we will never become innocent like children like that. You want to intervene for a moment.

Just if you're feeling you know that on the journey of trying to connect with God's guidance I think that for me I shifted a lot when I kind of I think that you know as long as we are stronger in the personal personality We are more worried about the outcomes of everything. Yeah. And so we wonder is it the right or is it the wrong and we wonder. So then it's like almost like expecting that energy or that power is going to make our outcome something.

Yes. Exactly.

And then when that subtler subtler subtler.

Yes.

Watching it and living with it. I have I think that when the shift from outcome to the as you said texture internal.

Absolutely.

The texture internal is priceless and then it's like Why would one want to as you said go into the prison?

So.

Why would one want to and it doesn't matter so much?

Yes.

That am I getting the right answer?

The prison has started to feel safe.

Yeah.

And without that we feel too naked.

Yeah.

You see just to not know conceptually. So then we'd rather have a conceptual prison than to not know.

Yeah. And that's what we're trying to break out of. Yeah.

And what has happened is not just it's absolutely right what you said about the basis of whose will it was or whether were guided in a higher way based on some conceptual determination of outcome. But it's also time based, isn't it? Because what is our determination of outcome? Suppose that something came in your heart and it made you write something in a notebook.

Yeah.

You see and like after it came out it meant nothing to you. Showed it to some friends it meant nothing to them. You see? So the mind will say this was all rubbish. You see? But how do we know? Maybe four generations later somebody comes across that notebook and says ah this line changed my life. You see so it's not just the determination of outcome but what is our time span with which we are able to notice outcome because we are talking about God whose whose game could be a million years. Who are we to say? Like who are we to say that the outcome didn't turn out well? What is the timeline for that? Isn't it? So when we are following God's will, then we have to be empty of all of these things. Interpretation outcome checking that we empty of all of these constructs that's what like that's why saints can feel crazy no to people like why are you doing this I don't know it makes no sense yeah I know you can't we can't really make sense of it with our limited Our problem is that we are not able to accept that the contraptions we have are very primitive and limited. Contraptions meaning they're mind intellect body mind intellect contraptions are very limited and to have such a sweet fruit in such a hard outer covering is astounding. Clearly astounding for all of us, isn't it? That this mind is so crude. Our intellect is so judgmental. Yes. No. Right, wrong, good, bad, all this, so crude. You know, our emotions are just all over the place. And the slightest trigger triggers all kinds of emotions for us. You see, all of these layers are so crude. And yet at our very center, the Atma lives, who is the presence of God himself. Isn't that strange? You see, and we but we are so enamored with all of this that he is forgotten. You see, and even when we get like the bad signal in the heart, we notice something is happening, we rush to conclude what sense we made out of it. You see, and why is that? Because we are saying, "What does that mean for me?" Unless it means something for me, it is not valuable. So, we've got the me in the picture. And in the me in the picture, then God is forgotten. I don't know. Is it too complicated? Really, what I'm saying simply is that allow your heart to just be. Don't oppress it with your conceptual understanding. And don't definitely don't oppress it under the what's in it for me.

He's not telling me what to do. He's not telling me what to do.

What's not telling?

Like God, he's not telling when you say don't get the me involved. Like he's trying to communicate with me.

He's not telling the me. He's telling you but not the me. Is where is the me in the antahkarana? We said we said thoughts, we said emotion, we said pain, pleasure, we said imagination, we said memory, we said all kinds of things. Where's the me? There is no me in all of this. So our inner instrument doesn't have a mean. There's no entity called the me sitting there. You see? So it is guiding your soul. It is guiding your antahkarana to dive more and more into God. It's not telling the ego. That's why the antahkarana the soul is a good construct. I've been using useful construct. I don't know about good con useful at least provisionally useful you're able to your insights are able to receive that guidance and your insights are able to immerse in faith humility and his love and light it is nothing to do with what the me thinks it is doing there is no such me actually.

Like I had this idea that he's like following God's will you know like it has to translate into some action not an action that will be comprehendable to our mind intellect necessarily just continue whatever that.

See that determination we need no that is the problem so What am I meant to do at the end of all of this? Just tell me that. Yeah. You said all this, all that is fine. Very nice. Beautiful. Thank you. But now what? You see, so that is what we need to break. Why? Do we need that conclusion that this is what this means and this is what I must do? You already start in such a beautiful note and you say that I received something wordlessly but then you say but how can I use it unless I make words for it. That is not true. Once we start living in that wordless layer see your life will transform. You don't need to know what is happening. You don't need to know what is happening. You don't need to know conceptually. That's why all the CDs went horse like how much silence they broke trying to bring everyone to silence. How much Bhagwan has spoken about silence, silence, silence. Why? Because that silence is not something that our mind will comprehend. There's a holy stillness within you. The his teaching is received. You see spiritual teaching is received. They are in that holy stillness within. So you given some beautiful let's say you Atma gives you some very sweet grapes in the heart. You see some very sweet grapes in the heart. By the time your mind has translated them what what have they become? Come some watermelon or something like watermelon is sweet.

Stones. Stones or rocks. Yeah. Wine.

Yes. But we get drunk on the me instead. If it was the kind of wine that would fill us with God, then yes, I would love that. Not the good kind of wine for sure. Not the Jesus's wine. Sorry, just one last point about this. I feel it's very important. And if you don't translate it into conceptual understanding, you can never become proud about it. You can only become proud because you think you know something. But if you've not made it into any words, what have you understood? I don't know. Is God everywhere or nowhere? I don't know. What is everywhere or nowhere? I don't know. Is all this inside me or outside me? I don't know what is inside and outside. You see, so till we break these conceptual categories, we will keep oppressing ourselves. Yeah. But see the see the contrast in the two layers. One is so beautiful. I'm receiving guidance in my heart wordlessly. And the second is I think this is what it means. All the mystery is gone. All the beauty is gone. Is made crude and decipherable. Don't laugh. No, it's okay. Take it. I've been there. He wants more food.

And do we have Should we get him something? What do we need? We'll get What do you need? What will be good? Some fruit. What is he? I gave him some. What will he want now? What? What? What do you need? Any banana? Banana. Banana. Anyone can get. Yeah. Here we have something.

No. From downstairs also. It's all right. We're not disturbed. Used to carry kabir not at all I was just saying I've been there so I fully used to carry kabir like this to art of living ashra to go like a baby and cry over there and then when went to guruji first this time you may have seen some old photos you've been shushed very often in Satsang Good luck has he has some kind of separation.

Yeah.

So what happened when I was two times when I was taking bath I left him outside and he's got hurt. Ah, so he was playing now he's only letting.

Not. Yeah, exactly. I go to the washroom.

All different different things will happen. It all works out well, don't it? Relatively speaking, whatever well means, you would feel like to have kids in your 20ies, it's all settled. No, no. I feel like parenting is just beginning sometime to have sa kids from 20s to 70s. They're so they never cause any trouble whatsoever. Worse vers I could use many words but that may not be one of them to He handles him much better than me. That's because novelty factor. No,.

He sees you all day. Yeah.

But the novelty factor is with papa who comes in the night. They're a little bit distinct for the father. But with mother nothing. Just a bit of a tantrum. So getting a deeper sense of what what it feels like to have God in the center of our life. It's not the spiritual me in the center. Not what I think God would like. Really so childlike. No. Wherever the parent carry the baby go like that. We have to live like that. Kabir Ji said I am u Lord Ram's dog now. Wherever he pulls me with the leash I go. That's a bit raw. I don't know. That looks a bit raw. Is it all right? Top half. And what will happen is that it'll make your Satsang life also much easier because maybe if you're oppressing yourself too much with am I getting it? Am I understanding? What did I understanding today? You see what am I getting? Then you just allow his grace to unfold. Agonist first started going to Satsang I used to feel everybody else's questions except mine were useless this waste of time I don't know what people are asking what is the point of this you see like that this arrogance was there and then I realized what am I saying if I'm calling it Satsang means the company of the truth then I must allow the truth to unfold the way it needs to I don't have the capacity to say this or that well then it's not Satsang which is fine then it's all right nobody's disturbed I'm not adically also speaking who is getting disturbed self inquiry.

Surprisingly, he gets quiet when he sees.

Yes.

I don't know. See where is Ba?

Yeah. Father that the contemplation of death was yeah the contemplation of death. I was watching something and there was this thing that Yamraj comes with a noose. It's called noose. Yeah. And.

Ah nose. Okay. N O S E.

Ah something. And.

That's why the house was confusing. He comes with the.

The Yeah. Yeah. With the lasso. Yeah. And that and then also that line that Yam Dare and that thing and few things I was looking at one is when you said that what what will change after death just I mean it's very it's a very beautiful contemplation but it's also very like that you know like I asked myself that am I ready to leave now if God asked me to there there is joy in my heart like I feel yes you know but there's there's also a like a I'll put it this way that there's FOMO of missing out like there's fear of missing out and also fear of unknown But I don't know if I have a question but I just wanted to bring this with like I want to go happily. Yes, I want to go with full joy and I asked you and you said like I know in my heart that if God calls you, will go happily. You will you know.

That's what it feels like at the moment. When it happens I may be a crying mess but let's see let's see how it turns out.

I don't know if I have a question but No, it's very good. It it's that news and like he's come not to take my body because my body will be left here. Yeah. He's come to take my Atma my soul. Yeah. I don't know. I don't have a question but.

Death is a beautiful contemplation and unfortunately only in the modern India we have become averse to this contemplation. We literally have scriptures which are dedicated to contemplating death. Now what has happened is if somebody talks about death or something in the family no sh so it's become like something which is not to be spoken about a taboo no and then many years back I heard that in Bhutan they it's a spiritual practice to contemplate death every day they take out a few minutes every day and contemplate death and Bhutan is supposed to be the happiest country in the They measure gross domestic happiness. So, the contemplation of death doesn't have to be that scary, morose, terrible. In fact, it is very beautiful to contemplate it. You see, it's very very beautiful to contemplate it because most of us never think we're going to die. What did he say? He said we live like we'll never die and we die like we never lived. Like that because death has been a topic which has been kept aside. Why does the mind not want us to contemplate death? It wants us to worry about even the smallest things. But this big one coming, the complete death of this body, that one it doesn't want us to contemplate. Or if it wants us to when it's time and it's too late and it just becomes too scary and oppressive an idea. What would happen if you were to really look at death of this body? What do we have to rely on then? When the ego-centricity which is based on the aliveness of this body, when the central locus of that ego which is this body itself becomes lifeless then what is left for us to rely on? It's very important to contemplate this because there is nobody who has left the body and while leaving the body said oh my 100 years really felt like felt like a 100 years. Everybody only says oh it felt quite short actually like my half a century of this body apparent half a century of this body doesn't feel like half a century at all. So in the mind's idea we keep postponing having to meet the death of this body one day because that will really force us to look deeply into What the sages have guided us to see what have the sages told us? They've painted a very beautiful and a very stark picture at the same time. Isn't it? They have said that there are two possibilities. One is that you will be in the constant embrace of God and the second is that you will be in a constant separation from God. And what do we have to do to be in the constant embrace of God? Get into that embrace right now. Don't wait. Don't wait till then. Get into that embrace right now. You see, and I'm saying it very literally. Just hug God with all your life right now and don't leave him. Ashtavakra Ji said, "I am not going to leave you now. Do whatever you want. You can try and leave if you want, but I am not going to leave you." Such a simple sounding sentiment. You see, and the sophisticated adinas may say, "What rubbish is this?" But it's very beautiful if you just fall in love with God so deeply that you just put him put yourself in an internal embrace with him. Then you have nothing to worry about. You see, but they've also told the sages have also told us and this part nobody wants to hear. See, and I also will underell it rather than overselling it. They also told us that if you keep picking me constantly like a million and millions of millions of times while this body was still alive, then maybe there comes a point where God says, "Okay, have it your way." So that's subtle enough. So we say no if we want if we keep saying God then he should be ours but if we keep saying me selfishness egotism pride all of that then that should not be ours we don't want to contemplate this aspect because it can seem a bit Scary. I understand that. I understand that it's scary. But why should we like Swami Ramsukhdas Ji says that if we have just keep your faith in Ram Ji Rhos by Ram Ji Rhos. So if you just keep your faith in god then you don't have to go to the door of the god of death you don't have to don't then keep your faith in Ram Ji stay with him but you cannot have it such that you keep your faith in me and then not have to face his death one day. That's all I'm going to say on this topic because it ruffles too many feathers.

Father, you also said that when you were talking to Shiv, you said that you know you have to break out of the prison and even that cape. Yeah. It's like this con this contemplation of death. It It's exposing my attachments. It's showing me what am I not willing to give up?

Exactly. What are we tightfisted about?

Yeah.

And life is just a project of becoming openfisted. We loosen the grip on our life and allow God to sincerely allow God to drive this car, this life. Why am I saying sincerely? Because the insincere attempt is when I determine what God would like or would not like. My mind determines, my intelligence determines what God's will would be. But that is a presumption that we can't meet him now. That he's not actually here. So I have to presume if the Lord was sitting in front of us, why would we presume? Was this conversation?

No.

Okay. I'll see you when you're back. Our life will be full of awe anyway. Sorry, bad joke is coming. But it'll either be awful or awesome. When we stuck in obsession with the me, then it's quite awful. When you're full of awe, then it's awesome. It's all right if I warn like this and say bad joke incoming. Those of you who don't want to hear, don't if it wasn't for Maya's decree, how much awe would we live in? You see, cuz the lord of the universe is right here. How much awe would we live in if it wasn't for Maya's tr So it's very important to keep reminding ourselves that this ephemeral passing of these clouds is not our reality. We are untouched by all of this. Our reality is the one in our hearts, the true one who is forgotten in our obsession with these passing clouds. Who is most important for us in our lives? That's the question. Who is most important? And it sounds terrible. Tell me if it sounds terrible. The one who is most important to us now will forever be most important. This can sound amazing or terrible. If God is most important to us now, then it sounds amazing. But if me is most important to us now, how terrible would that be? Like a million years later also we are still dealing with the me. What did I get? What is happening to me? This one likes me. This one doesn't like me. Where is my future going? How much money will I have? Same thing a million years later. Terrible. But God is here a million years later. We living in his presence, in his light. That sounds beautiful, isn't it? So, which tree are we watering? Like that Sufi saying I'm paraphrasing but that only that tree will grow the one that you are watering you can't expect to water one tree and for the other one to grow because if suppose God had made it some other We would have all complained saying he's made it too difficult. Now he's made it simple. Whichever true tree you water will grow. See, you water the tree of his presence, his presence will grow. If you water the tree of the me, then the operation of the me will grow. How are you watering it? So suppose you said that my life is for God. You said you made that proclamation. You put it on all your social media everywhere. You told your family. You've done all of that. But your moment to moment day-to-day life does not reflect that. Then is it true? So we cannot be in a lip service spirituality. But what is a simple way? Do you want to live your life for God? Do you want to hand your life over to completely to God? Yes or no? I'm wondering what we're doing here. So, if that is true then we must be empty of ourselves or we must be in a constant remembrance of him. What is so difficult to be in remembrance of him in actuality? Nothing. In our mind's operation everything some maya topic came today for you to obsess with the me came no every day it comes you see every day it seemed like the most important thing h it's all right every day it seems like the most important thing today this worry is there today this problem is there today this is what's happening today I'm upset that because my parents told me something my mother-in-law told me something today this thing today every day will go like this then what we talking about the door of Yamraj is waiting but if every day we have that little bit of courage and say it doesn't matter my mind is bullying me with all of these topics my life my heart belongs to God now and all I have to do is say Ram Krishna Krishna Krishna Raha Rha Rada Jesus Jesus Jesus Allah all whatever we want to say we can't say we are in a meeting okay just remember him inwardly we've done it so often we've remembered those that we hate throughout our meetings also we remember no suppose meeting is starting somebody was rude to you just before the meeting. In the meeting, you'll remember them constantly. No. Suppose that you're in school or college or something and suddenly you're getting into your exam but you just had like gotten into some infatuation. Then throughout your exam you'll still be remembering him or her. No, isn't it? So we have the capacity to do it but our mind makes excuses. No, now today it's not possible because this is not possible because of that. So if you need if something needs your attention inwardly then use your mouth. If something needs your mouth to function in the world then use your inward instruments. It's possible to remember God. But what is the what is the main weapon in the hands of Maya? But what about me then? What about me? No, please. First me. But why first you non-existent one mythical idea? First, let's solve it for the Loch Ness monster. Abom abominable snowman. Let's resolve it for that one. Then we'll focus on God. I promise you, my brothers and sisters, my children, I promise you, it will not happen like this. I'm saying it will not happen. Not the way you're doing it. I'm saying it will not happen. If this is our approach, let me clear up everything on my desk about the me first. Then every all time is for God. We have to reverse it. Have to reverse it. And just like remember that the our intention is the starting point of it. Intention doesn't equal celebration. Intention is just the initial way of putting fuel in the car. But if you don't drive it, then you've not gotten anywhere. So have good intention. It's very good. But also drive it moment to moment. What the sages have said this is the easiest time. What is the name of the sage were reading today? How do you pronounce? Take the mic. Puntanam Puntanam. So sage Puntanam g said Kalyug has got a bad rap. It's got a bad reputation. Actually it is the best time. It's a very different way of looking at it. Why is it the best time? Because God has made himself available the most easily. All we have to do is take his name. We don't have to do big ritual ceremony nothing. We just have to remember him. So Kalyug is the best time. He said that everybody is jealous of us. Everybody in every other yoga is jealous of us because we can find God so easily. What a nice way of looking at it. I have nobody to look at the veracity of whether others are jealous of us or not, other yoga are jealous of us or not. But it's a very nice way to live that God can just be found by remembering him now. That's it. That's it. Yeah. So both Gyaneshwar Ji and sage Puntanam sage Puntanam g said the same thing that if we had no know now that the way to god is to remember him is to worship him to inquire into who we really are. I'm paraphrasing. So the tools have been given to us. Now what is the problem? Yeah, Gyaneshwar Ji say whole day you put in some worldly things here or there, they are basically saying they are pointless. Why don't you just worship instead? Worship doesn't mean necessarily only external worship. Whatever else is there just like When we are really hating someone, we can't think anything but them. Even in the busiest of work. Or we when we are in love with someone, we cannot think of anyone but them. Even in the busiest of work, we can lead our life that way. What is the true work in our life anyway? Can our true work be something which is contrary to the design of our antahkarana is designed in such a beautiful way that in the center of it in the heart God lives but the true design of our life is to just make money to get the best relationship to build a nice home. Could it be like that our very design is contrary to our life and that is the best way to live? I can't you see so familiarize yourself with your design. What are you designed for on the inside? The outside is just one tiny layer. Just the surface of the ocean. You see, the waves are just the surface of the ocean. There's much more to the ocean in its depth. You see, but the waves because they move around like that. No, they're very compelling. So, this outer surface, it moves around like that. Somebody says like that, somebody does like this, one sees like this, one says like that. And it seems like, oh, this is so then we forget about what's there on the inside. Do we really want to end this life never having explored what's truly there on our insides? What a waste it would be if sage after sage has told us that God's presence lives in our heart but we never visit there and I'm pretty sure at the end of this life all of us will complain why didn't you meet And he will say, "I was right there in your waiting room. You kept me waiting." Are we keeping God waiting or God is keeping us waiting? Let's be honest about this one. Who's keeping who waiting? Even when.

Even when I was when I tried chanting throughout the day I could see that every few minutes father every few minutes I had to remind myself that I'm praying to Radha Krishna or like because I was doing a lot of Krishna chanting but I had to remind myself that because I forgot every few minutes even though I was chanting But every few minutes I forgot who I was chanting for and you know who I was looking at. So I had to just like.

Yes. Who were we chanting? Oh and who that is.

Yeah.

No, it sounds like two different things but it's not or it can sound like one thing but it's true. I don't know what I'm saying. So who is there like one is we forget who like who am I chanting Ram one is that but when we chant Ram do we remember who that is.

No I forget every like I saw that I have a now.

Exactly all of us that's what maya makes us do.

Chanting also becomes like something forget that just like it's happening through my lips and my words and my mouth but I've.

Itself is actually a big step already that if it's happening through our lips our mouth even if it is mechanical it's a big step but then to remember who it is another big.

Yeah, but father I feel like I always need something big to happen in front of me to always remember who's in front of me. Like I I'm so like, you know, low of faith, you know. I feel like you know I'll watch a movie that day went for the walk and then we watched the movie and then it's like it's explosive and then I you know again after a couple of days I feel like again gets normalized. Yeah. Normalize again something explosive to remember you know that.

That's why it's very good to read the stories of the sages to look at the lives of sages to read the scriptures though very good because it inspires us keeps us in that b in that place but there comes a point where you just like who is here what in what way should I TV like in what way can I say this so that till Monday you will not forget that's all I ask right now I'll settle for 1 hour after Satsang Who is God? Who is Ram? Who is Krishna? Who is Jesus? Who is Radharani? Who is Allah? Who is Christ? Who is it?

Yes. Father so many things in today's Satsang like provoked like and the question is whom is it provoking like and the mind comes up with a solution like 6 years or whatever like life in the outdoors father like made us self-sufficient not the self you talk about but like finding a campsite, like pitching your tent, building your fire, cooking before it gets dark, finding a water source. In the end, like when we're getting into the sleeping bag, like to just go and sleep, we'reflecting on the day and when we are reflecting, it is just about like the me like, "Wow, I did this to my team. I did this like and there is like there's no like don't know I'm why am I saying this but somewhere now again like I feel like running back to the mountains to be true like it's like not like to work or something but just like and knowing now that it'll be just a self boost again like for pride for this I did that I did and then again the mind is craving J and so crazy far. I don't know like just felt like mind is coming with too much of things like this but felt like saying cuz so many things provoked me today like it was like a punch punch punch and I felt like I just felt like coming up and telling like this is very natural for this to happen. Now if the address of the thief has been found out by the police will the thief says yes yes come catch me we'll say run you see now as ego is getting found out as pride is getting found out as maya is getting found out and coming into god's light you see it want to run it always want to run so that's where It needs strength that there will come a point actually where even this feeling will seem like very tiny. There will come a point where you just like I can't take this anymore. You see I can't take this anymore because your ego will come so much in the spotlight in your own light and it's feeling like it's in the operating theater or something and it just want to run. So it Satsang will at some points feel like the most oppressive environment. Just run go breathe. I just need to breathe. Who goes that? The false identity wants to escape. So just be vigilant to that. The thief will never say come catch me. It will always want to run away. So this mind impulse when you're going deeper when you're finding the inner path to God himself then the mind says no no but run there's time for this can happen later the mountains can't wait God is eternal like that something like that like maybe but somewhere I know that father like.

Yeah that's But it'll try to create a we don't remember that we when we fall into maya. It doesn't seem irrational to us. It doesn't seem irrational to us. It seems reasonable to us only. It feels right to us only when we fall into maya. Nobody has taken up a belief in the ego identity saying let me pick up a false belief. Everybody picks up a belief taking it to be true only. You see so the escape from Satsang will not happen with a lack of rationalization. There will always be some rationalization saying no this is what's needed in my life now. You see this is something something at this age or some excs don't leave out of some resentment towards me. 5% do because then I have been foolish many times also. So that's let's say those 5% I've been really stupid with or foolish with but 95% of the children who leave are leaving because oh father life is taking me in that direction you know and then at some point it's too late for me to say but is that direction higher than the direction towards God like right now we can have this conversation right but if you came tomorrow and you've packed your bags and you've kept them there and your tickets are booked and everybody knows you're going, you've told people that you know you're joining the job and all of that then I don't have the heart to have this conversation. I will say okay then let grace find a way to bring you back but since since you're in that phase now where you've not determined it for yourself you're still open to hearing then we can have this conversation which direction can your life bring which can be a higher direction to God so if you were to say that I found a better teacher you see who is pointing in a very beautiful way to god's presence in my heart and I will have Atma Gyan Atma darshan very beautifully of course of course take me also take me also I will want to sit at their feet you see but when life brings us all its traps and since you're not in that fully yet like there are children who I can't talk to like this at the moment because somehow how their life took them in a different direction. So, but while you're here and you're open, I can share this with you that which direction can be greater than finding God and the mind comes and says but there's time for that. You see why? No, find God first and there's time for everything else. Isn't it? It's all right. It's completely fine. Why? Doesn't the mind say, "No, no, find God first, then there's time for everything else." It always says there's time for God later. It's just like how I studied for exams always last minute. No, we'll do it tomorrow. We'll start tomorrow. Tomorrow on no, it's full. Then just three days left for exam and study start. It always pushes like that. But this is much more than exam is much more. So the notion that I have to just find God once before I die is also a silly idea. No, to find God as early as we can and live our life in God. See it's not some like okay now all this time has been given to you and you have to write the exam once and then you pass finish. No, the more time you can spend in his light, the more saintly your life can be, the more blessed you are in this way. And nobody really knows who was I saying maybe in Satsang last time like how much time do you require to find God? You can because it is a you can bring yourself to the door. You can wait like Mashabri. But when Ram Ji has to come, he only knows when he has to come. You see, so Mahashabri should have said, why have I done this picking of berries for 60 years, setting the flowers on the path for 60 years? I just something should tell me this day is coming, I'll do it for that day. No, the rest is a waste. It is just not true. Like she was saying earlier sonali that we are so outcome oriented that we don't realize that even if the outcome didn't turn out that way Mahashabri's life was the most beautiful anyway because she was making herself available in all ways for God alone body mind intellect emotion everything she had offered to God alone It would not be a sad story if at the end Ram Ji hadn't come. It would still be a very glorious story which a outcome oriented mind doesn't understand that you see now most of our when I was young most of my family used to older family used to tell me but you're so young and you're spiritual we used to go to asham with tiny babies just like this we used to And people used to say but you're so young there's time you in the ashams also people used to tell us that there's time you see there's no time you see where is the time why can't we our life be like Mahashabri Same manta karna was given to us karnana is given to all of us universally I'm not talking about any past life impression nothing I'm saying keep let's keep everything aside the construct of our antahkarana is the same so why can't my life be like Mahashabri your life be like Mahashabri What is needed for it to be? What is needed? Nothing much is needed actually just to stay in remembrance of God. Nothing needs to change on the outside also. Inside inside if something is easier to change on the outside then outside also it's fine. Why can't you be the next Mahashabri? You tell me. Next Saint Teresa of Avila in every tradition next Rabia why can't you is limitation that we put on ourselves. Why will not you be the sage who will bring God's light to millions? Why can't you be someone was getting really troubled by me today? But you have to be troubled a bit coming to Satsang. If Satsang doesn't feel like a gym, then we doing something wrong. So remember that we are not going going in the direction of Mahashabri or Saint Teresa or Rabia. Not because God has not designed us in the very same way. It is not because of our design. It is because of our priority. If we keep prioritizing the me, then what saintliness will we get to? But if you keep prioritizing God, you try one day, just one day, just fullheartedly remember God, you see that your whole life is transformed. Miracles happen in our lives. But we have a habit of normalizing miracle. So much transformation happens in our lives but our mind comes and says oh coincidence it just had to happen stance or whatever it's called from where to where we've come by his grace but we still prioritize the me. What about me? And why does that happen? That is called maya. So Satsang is the counteracting mechanism to Maya. And not at all disturbed. Nobody is disturbed. It's very pleasant noise. Don't ever feel pressured because of it. Just feel like when you come to Satsang, you're babysitting my son for me. Okay? You're not you're not adding any distraction to such thing. Yes. You you're saying something so important then everyone feels the same and if they don't feel the same there is their Satsang and they have to see the lack of love in their heart one child has not been able to come to Satsang for so many months and she's able to come and her child is making very pleasant noises. Actually, she's very welcome. They'll find the slightest distraction and naughty. Don't have to worry.

Father, I also like to here father. Speaker. I'd also like to request a prayer like may I never like may we or whole of SA never feel self-sufficient the self we take as May all of us recognize that every moment of our life is just because of his grace and his blessing. Every heartbeat is his. Every breath is his. May we never pick up the pride that I can do something in my life. I can keep myself happy or safe because every heartbeat is his gift alone. So may we live in this constant remembrance and gratitude to God. Father. Yeah. Just wanted to say hi. Oh, something's happened with the happening with the camera. I don't know why with the camera. Yeah, it's zooming zooming out. Oh, something. I don't know why. Some setting. No, my No, it was my camera. Your camera is okay, father. Sorry. You're good. I don't know. I don't have anything to say. I think I've been very restrained with the heaven and hell conversation. At least I hope you found you felt that. Yeah, but I ended up realizing that I was I was being arrogant father. So,.

No, it's all right.

Did it always be up to you?

It's all right. There's a lot of a lot of fear. There's a lot of cultural conditioning. There's a lot of guilt. There's a lot of things around these topics. So I'm very happy to always receive feedback on that.

Yeah, I do find that in the west it's probably different from the way that it is in India.

Even though the topic is covered in other religions and by other sages as well. Yeah, it has it has a not just the hell talk but other things have left a negative impact on a lot of people.

Exactly. I feel if you can just even come to the contemplation of death itself that itself is quite deep. I don't know if I've actually done this contemplation before. I can say what what I felt with my father which was presence pure presence. He left. Yeah. But it's not I don't know.

It's all right. There's no We'll walk this together. All of us don't.

I think I just needed some extra love this week.

Of course, you're well entitled to this. You're well deserving of this. I felt a little I felt that it maybe was a little self all the your sisters are sending you all these hearts.

Yeah.

How many days have passed since your father left the body?

It was the seventh day yesterday. It was my birthday as well. And today is the eighth eighth day. Yeah. And I found out I didn't know about this. The SA came over last night, a small group, and they told Yeah. They told me that apparently it's a custom in a lot of places to have a seventh day a mass or remembrance of the one who's passed and I think it's a religious tradition which I didn't know about and the funny thing is that I you know there's a square in front of my a little park in front of my house and there's never any masses or anything like that but there was a mass going on in the afternoon while I was yeah while I was here. Yeah. A lot of things like that have been going on. Feel like some extra angels around lately.

So on SA events, do we remember Georgie's birthday? I think we forgot Georgie's birthday. It's okay. We all wishing you wish we sing for you. Yesterday it was before she sent a message. So that was very sweet of her to remind it's all right to sing happy birthday so close to your in India we're a bit cautious about these things also. Oh,.

You kind they Yeah. No, it's okay. I think it's okay. Yeah, whatever. I'm okay either way. It's not.

No, we are happy if you're happy. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Georgie. Happy birthday to you. May God bless you. May God bless you. Happy birthday, dear Georgie. Happy birthday to you. Happy 31st or whatever birthday it is.

Yeah. 29th 29 46 I know 46.

I know 72 Love you, father. Love you, son.

We can't turn that. Turn this phone towards you. Right. You're on a phone. You're using the phone camera. That's why the apparently the quality is increased a lot.

Love you.

God bless. Hi.

Wow. So beautiful. Thank you, F.

Sorry, we forgot yesterday. It's okay. Release is okay.

Thank you.

Okay, let's go to Satya.

Hello Ananta Ji. Hi. Hello my dear. Nice to see you. After long after a long time I feel a little bad but something pulled me something pulled me to come and say hello to you and I've been but I watch the on YouTube and yeah I keep watching but I was never present as live yeah a lot a lot happened these last two three years like my the auto fell on my mom the in India last year. So she broke the hipbone and then after one week my father said goodbye to the body. So this happened very all very very fast last two three years I have some recollection of this. Yeah.

Full blessings, full prayers for them. All my love to all of you.

Yeah.

How is mom now?

She's fine. She's a strong woman. 80 plus five 85 almost. And yeah, and your presence and all the masters they vibrate in this house. So we keep support with that. And then my step towards moving back to India and that was a very big one in my life. Now I'm right now bragging about the little me here so please forgive me. Because it was almost like 27 years more than India I live there. So and now there's a kind of a it's going in stages. There's a kind of a grief which is connected to that. It's like I because my system was so contracted in Denmark for and it went slowly up and I had to take that step. So but financially by God's grace or the divine grace the Danish state pays me a monthly of $600 for lifetime. So moneywise I'm pretty secure with that and I don't have to but it's the it's the familiarity of Europe and my habits and all that and there some sort of but in the but in the law in Danish law it says there's no regret possible if you take that step. Yeah. Once you cannot it's irreversible this step. You can't go back and say sorry it's once it's done it's done. So now this little me is like so I'm kind of looking at trying to inquire into this because when this step was taken there was the system was stressed out so it was perfect for that moment. But now after 3 years the me comes I did it and I feel bad to look at really minutely I can see this movement that there's an eye coming which is grieving and oh I did it wrong or I'm a loser. So this I but it's always in the moment there is nothing like a me. It's always it it's always late the sense of I. Yeah, I I'm I've just say please say if I am my observation is wrong. Yeah, it's always late and you can see this movement of the eye that you go to it and then there's a story you attached of the and then looking more minutely actually this attachment to the me. I'm seeing it for the first time. My god. This there's so much attached to the me the my story. Yeah. A certain image. Yeah. Which arises and say this is my life and it should be different and I want it this way and that way this eye arises. Yeah. But then the step is to say all is God's will. I tell you it's the it's really a ego breaker to completely surrender to that will it's really like to see that I'm not in charge here you know that's that's really.

Absolutely right.

Yeah so this to surrender to this you know will.

I also feel that the me may come and present it as a fact that it's a mistake you did or something like that. But from my perspective, I see that God is so kind and merciful that it has to have been the best step in your life. It is not possible. The Danish government you said which yeah the Denmark. Yeah. The Denmark government may have ideas about no regret and not coming back and things like that, but God is very kind and merciful. So if he if he made that step happen, it has to have been for your good.

Yeah.

Has to have been for your good.

Yeah. And you know, then you ask deeper questions what my life stands for really. And I'm very lucky to have beings like you who remind us of this love which is shining out of you. I can feel this heart. So it's so clear for me that this is the heart which which and with my dad it was a very strong you know like in the in India in the Punjabi rituals you have to clean the body of the of the of the of so I had to do that. It was a very strong experience that this one who was talking is suddenly not there and to see their burning body and ashes to ashes and you know and to take the all this to Ganga Ji and put it in the so there was just a handful of left that body which so it kind of give rise to this deeper inquiry. Into this human which includes also this who is in charge here and because he went to the hospital in morning and he said listen I'm going to the hospital and I'll be back within half an hour keep the bottle yeah keep the bottles in the fridge he didn't know so that gives a clue so it was giving a clue that he had no idea that was that would be his last morning. So he says he will half an hour and there was no half an hour. Yes. Yeah. This one. Bye.

Now he's very happy. I hear you my dear. I hear you. It reminds me I'm sure it reminds many of us of our beloved ones. But my father also he was completely fine. He had breakfast in the morning completely fine.

Yeah.

And then for some reason something happened and he fainted in the house or was almost fainting in the house. So we just took him to the hospital and he was in a coma for many days after that. So they don't always give us signs that they could predict something like that happen.

Yeah.

Right. It's all God's will. Maybe if they got a sense like that, they maybe get caught up in a lot of fear or something like.

Yeah.

So it's all right. God's grace does everything everything well.

Yeah. And it's because you know there's inquiry which goes on there was some thoughts like we suffering but then because I'm kind of noticing now slowly slowly that when there are moments of having pleasure or playing music then the inquiry doesn't happen but when there is always when you're in trouble then you know and all that.

When we are having a good time it's easy to forget that to inquire who's the enjoyer here then you go with the.

Yeah so these kind of I have nothing really to just to speak to you and now I'm just noticing that my battery for the computer is over so it may get cut off abruptly.

So it's not because of anything you that all everything in the interaction. But I'm sending you so many hugs, all our love, all our blessings and may God's grace keep blessing you like this. May you be happy. May you keep inquiring without needing suffering. May you keep inquiring and may you come to Atma darshan Atma Gyan may you find his feet. May you live in his light and love. All my highest love and blessings are with you.

Thank you. This is so big. There's only one prayer I have that please for this lifetime to be in this heart to come established in the heart for with I have taken this birth. That's the only wish. Yeah. Blessings. Your presence reminds me of this all the time and thank you so much again and again. Maybe I will come to Bangalore to meet you in person again.

Very welcome. You're very welcome.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Doesn't seem to be activated. Just be careful. Maybe not power on. Thank you. I got battery. Let's go to Samia.

Now it came now. See now. Hello.

Yes. Yes. I hear this now.

No, I hear I see more. Okay. Because today I tried before came here.

Yes, ma'am. It's fine. It's fine. I can hear.

No, please tell me it is clear or not. Can you hear me?

Yes, I can. First moment or two it was not audible but now I can. Okay. So you made sure the mic is working.

Is it?

And then nothing to say. Is it? Is it working?

Yes. Yes. Okay. No, I just couldn't find the state. I just want to be in silence with you first. First I said yes. I'm sorry, father. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if there is something or not, but it seems like I'm suffering and I don't know why, but it Yeah.

You're not able to identify any topic for the suffering.

Well, I do I do I think it is not just one thing not around one topic but it feels like everything is just so much connected with itself and I cannot get out away from this and it even includes my path. That in the meaning that I have so many doubts and I don't want to say anymore I don't want to call it anymore as a resistance I don't want to even hear the word resistance you know it feels just too much like I I'm I don't feel I'm hold I call as my guru I don't feel any grace or connection basically I don't yeah and I'm not happy with my life I don't want to be disgrateful but Yeah, like my what I call as weird challenges which I cannot tell anyone and which are not changing. Yeah, I'm not happy basically and I'm not happy by not being happy. I don't feel like also it's something good that I'm always suffering. And one more thing actually what I realize is that I don't know father it seems like I cannot do I cannot I'm not good at life it seems and I cannot change it.

Not good at life. Not good at life. I think not good at life is the prerequisite for Satsang. Anyone here feel like they're good at life? I don't feel anyone here feel like they're good at life. Yeah, when I think actually when we look at world, it's just I have to be so grateful, you know, it's just maybe just facing with the truth like what world is like how it is. It it's a big thing to face with this father and I don't know maybe it it's it is. Yeah. Would you would you agree with me if I said that Our suffering is when we feel like we have to carry the burden of this life ourselves and we forget that actually God is carrying it for us. I think Oh, this is the resistance father. So would you say suffering is something else? What would you call it? Say it again. Would you I am saying that suffering is only possible when we take onto ourself that which actually belongs to God. What would you say suffering is?

Life itself.

That's very Buddhist. That's a Buddhist. No.

No. It doesn't change the thing that I'm suffering father. Really? I do.

Yeah. So, do you feel that it is possible for you to suffer in spite of you handing over your life to God?

I don't believe this, father. I don't believe this. Like for years, I'm with you.

What? Say what? What is it? You don't believe.

Handing over all this stuff like I'm just so tired from this, you know?

I no result. Okay. You are just telling this again and again and no no I'm sorry it's all right nothing will happen don't worry we are having a serious conversation don't have to worry so.

Why I'm always crying father is there anyone in stud crying like me I'm always crying.

Why is Yeah,.

I don't know if I if I'm ready to go, you know. I don't want to go, but I feel like I cannot do this, you know, father. And I don't want to live like this. And I feel okay to go.

To go where?

Just I cannot I don't I cannot carry father.

You cannot carry.

Yeah.

Cannot carry what.

I think life is how it is. But I don't have a mindset to just be okay with this or I'm just so easily hurt just so easily in pain. I cannot handle father here and in all these years in Satsang it feels like nothing it doesn't it seems like it doesn't change and I feel like I cannot handle I'm just so easily hurt just everything just affects me so easily even my body just yeah.

Okay let's discuss one which is that in Satsang is true. You've been in Satsang so many years but Satsang the sharing of Satsang is the dispensing of the medicine. No what is the medicine that you dispensing means giving the medicine or handing over the medicine.

What is the medicine that you're taking every day? Recently I think my sorry the English is gone. I think it's changing constantly. There was a period where I cannot do anything at all because I felt so heavy. My body is always so restless. So I can not dive into meditation or even chanting as I was before. I I'm not sure if I was able to before also but I do chant but not I'm I don't feel like in a meditative mood or I can really dive but yeah I'm going to get the rings and there was a chanting there always and I try to do chanting yeah but generally while I was active or even if I sit, I don't feel like it's deep.

Yes. So, I'm very limited in my capacity. You know, God has not made me very powerful or anything like that. So my capacity is only to invite all of you to Satsang to bathe in whatever presence you feel in Satsang and to guide you towards what medicine I feel in my heart will work for you but I don't have the capacity to keep you constantly in God's presence just by virtue of the fact that you've attended Satsang for so many years. I wish I had.

Say that again. Lost part. Father,.

I wish I had the capacity to say that all the children, all of you children who are in Satsang with me for so many years. I wish I had the capacity to just say yes, you will be in God's presence just because you've been in Satsang for 5 years, 7 years, you will be able to do that. But I know it is not.

Say that I'm not in God's presence also. Please tell them.

Can suffering coexist with God's presence. Anyway, let me finish my main point first. So I was saying that in my limited capacity I can just offer whatever presence is felt here to all of you children in Satsang and I can give you advice on what medicine to take when you're not in Satsang. But I don't have the capacity to bless you with God's presence if you're not constantly able to take the medicine for whatever reason. So, just I wish it was possible that just by coming to Satsang for so many years I could bless you with the constant palpable apparent presence of God in your heart in the light of whom all suffering would seem non-existent and if I had that power I would bless all of my children with that blessing But I don't have that power. I'm just not able to. So what I have to rely on and what all of you have to rely on is to find a way to take among the thousand medicines which are offered in Satsang. You have to find one that you're able to take pretty regularly as often as possible. Otherwise just by speaking to me or hearing me for so many years I don't feel like our life will be transformed. Do I wish I could do it? I wish I could do it. I could just go heal. He all of your kids would just be healed in God's presence. You would not suffer. Of course, which parent doesn't want that for their children? But I have to be honest about my limitations. So I am actually completely agreeing with you that so many years of Satsang just by hearing Satsang will not work. It will not work. Something has to take a hold in your heart and that has to become the central part of your life and then it must feel like that is the most important medicine you have to take moment to moment moment to moment even when it feels difficult. After all of this hard work, we may say that we have transcended our suffering. But I have to honestly say that it is not going to be easy for any of my children. This path is not easy. So when your mind attacks everything saying but I've been in satsum so long I have to be honest with you and say it's not enough just by my blessings just by attending Satsang what we are pointing to is not going to happen. I don't have that kind of power. So I can only pray that some pointer, some advice, some tool, some medicine becomes your constant way of life. And once that becomes a constant way of life for 2 three years, then after 2 three years we can say no this is just not working. This is not working. We have to pray, inquire, inquire, inquire. Take his name. Whether we like it or not, whether we feel it or not, something has to transcend all of these layers of resistance and become central in our life like it is life and death. Once it becomes like that, even then if it stays like that for a few years, then we can talk about it working or not working. Why has God made it this way? Why has he not made it easier? Why can't I just snap my finger and get my children out of suffering? What is the value of my freedom or God's presence here if I can't do that? All of these questions I cannot answer for you. God has to answer. But I have to honestly tell you that this is how it is. So contemplate this and see if God's name inquiry empty any spiritual practice really appeals to you from here. Then we can talk about when you do that practice for 3 hours every day. What are the obstacles? What comes in your way? Then week after week after deepening in that process after a few years only then can we say I have transcended this realm of the mind transcended my suffering. That it's not true that I don't do anything that.

It's also not true that I don't do anything I was already doing.

Very good. Very good. So, so what is the medicine you're taking every day constantly for 2 three years and then we can talk about whether something needs to change, whether the medicine is effective for you, if it is not, what is the future course of diagnosis and medicine can be determined based only on that. You are asking me now.

Yes. Okay. I think it was constantly changing. I don't know what I'm going through now, father. But I feel different with you also. I know that you feel this in your heart. Like till now you were my father. Still you are but I don't feel that connection also with you as before but I don't feel that connection with anyone anymore and I want to tell you one thing about this.

That connection never breaks from my side towards any of my children.

I know.

Never felt like this child was my child is not my child now I don't have that capacity so.

Yeah I feel but I cannot force it as well to I think this is the main thing that.

No suffering if I may say I feel like your mind makes you look at different things. I'm just saying what is that which you can use to remain just focused on God for a few hours only on God every day. Whatever you have, please use that and don't get oppressed by your mind. You cannot allow your mind to tell you no I don't feel like it. I'm not able to. It's too heavy. All of us have to go through this mind resistance, transcend it for our love for God, for our faith in God. We have to transcend all of these things and make sure that a large part of our life is going focused only on him. So don't even worry about anything else. What is happening with me? What is the construct of our relationship? What is changing? Not changing. All of that will become clear once you spend more time with God.

I do father. I try to do, but I think my body is just too restless and I don't know what to do with that. I feel always so dirty, you know. So maybe I need to do the practice to clean the dirt. But dirt has power as well, you know. Yeah. Also the environment that I stay. Okay. This is this is my I'm just so tired that I feel like God does not hear me and keeps me here always. Nothing changes in my life. Like I'm in constantly on this feelings because it just years and years it's like this. And yeah. Anytime we are starting to believe that he is unmerciful or not hearing versus I am wrong. What are the greater chances? I don't know. I don't know how you experience. I'm so happy that when you say that God is so merciful because I don't have this experience, father. I mean I do. I cannot tell that just so much help and support also comes. But.

Just go to your heart for one moment. Go to your heart for one moment. On one hand is the fact that he is the most kind, compassionate, merciful. And on the other hand, it is that your mind is wrong in when it says he does not hear me, he does not care, he's given me such a difficult life. So then on the other hand, your mind is wrong. What are the higher chances? Which one is true? I think your mind is on the other hand sorry I presented the question wrong on the other hand your mind is right that he is not so compassionate he doesn't hear you also you see and your mind is right so which is the higher.

Care basically.

That is more true you feel in your heart that is more true.

Yes absolutely He doesn't care at all.

So then u I don't know why I'm wearing this doctor hat, but my diagnosis is that you're mistaking your heart and your mind. If something is telling you that God is not merciful and he doesn't hear you, even if it's just a tantrum, then it is not your heart. So you better find it because your mind will sound very justified, very true, very real, but it's just going to steal all your time. Just going to steal all your time like you have you were saying that you've been in Satsang all this time more and more time will go in this there is no resolution there where god seems unmerciful there is no solution there.

I don't know why I went into this spiral why because maya why because it is temptation of the me seems so I mean, yeah, I know it, but I don't know why I went into this spiral. Father,.

Now that you.

And I feel like I want to go into this spiral, you know, I know it. I've been there time to time it. Comes, but no, there were so many times that I was not suffering. You also saw this, you know, but suffering comes. When it comes, you feel like, oh, I'm always suffering. But no, but when it comes, it really comes. And this time it really just it was so I don't know strong just anger that I did not feel such a long time. Hatred that I did not even remember such a long time. So as if like and when you see that like nothing changed and when I see people happy okay not happy but they are given so many things they are on the pet of God but they are given also many things father which I'm not giving it just drives me crazy okay.

So this that god is not merciful to me he's not kind to me he's kind to the others all of this is not your heart no so you better find your true place. It doesn't matter which Satsang you're in, what which guru you're calling you you're feeling the calling. All of these things don't matter. If you take your mind to be the version of your truth, then you will just end up giving your all your time to Maya and not to God.

And I don't know why I want to do this now. I I'm just so angry father that I want to go into that direction you know I don't even anger towards you and I want to go into this path but I don't know it doesn't lead anywhere but I want to go there.

You don't want to go you don't want to go it is the mind which is tempting you to go.

Yeah and when I come to God again nothing will I think I tried to manipulate God with all this unnecessary suffering and tears. Yeah. And I can't.

Yeah. Yes. Nobody can. All right. Bless you my child and stay in the right place. Everything is good. Okay, let's quickly go to Shivani because she rarely raises her hand. So,.

Hello.

Hang on. I can't see you. You're on mute now.

Sorry. Okay. Yeah. I just wanted to like reach out to Sam and Sam and say, you know, massive love because I hear what she's saying. And I'm glad that she at the end never smiles because Yeah. I was like, for me, that exact same thing has kind of been the fuel because it's gotten to the point where there's just no way out. Yeah. Had.

Are you saying that it had gotten to a point or it has gotten to a point?

For the last year, I've felt pretty much the same. Just yeah just completely hope you know like dead end dead end complete dead end angry at everybody screwing you know sat the seven years wasn't about that it was just you know watching on video on not live but the last year was yeah just I'm done you know it's just like nothing felt like it was getting through at all. Zero. And yeah, I really didn't want to be about me. I just wanted to say like I get it. And it's the best medicine. And it's the first time I've heard you getting quite like I remember in the years past going, "Father, just slap us." You know, and that felt like a bit of a slap, but and there was a part of me going, "Oh, I've got to tell her it's okay." you know, because it's the best medicine, the getting to that rock bottom where you really feel that you've had enough, but your heart, like I just want to say her heart, it's there. Even when you are feeling like that, it's still there. And that is what makes that lowest point the good medicine because you are really feeling it. You are really suffocating. You are like just done. But because your heart is there, it's actually the medicine. It's actually the medicine. That's what I wanted to say. It's actually the medicine to be that completely just everything is Yeah. There's nowhere to go. Yeah. So, I just want to tell her to I love you and it's going to be okay.

Yeah. Nice to hear you. And u It's very true. Sometimes it feels like there's that old saying, it's darkest before dawn.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you, father. I love you Samia so much. Father, may I join Shivani in one thing? Just saying one very brief thing. I wanted to say that I was feeling this but Shivani gave me the courage when you were speaking Samya that I have to say honestly that sometimes I don't feel God in my heart and when I hear you sing those beautiful praises you sing to the Lord which are I don't have a word to describe them they bring me back to the Lord and I just wanted to say that I just wanted to say So thank you for that.

Bless you. Bless you.

Yeah.

Thank you for sharing. So beautiful. Very good. Very good. Love you all. Thank you. Thank you.