You Cannot Reason Yourself to Truth - 5th December 2017

Yes, that is one way to put it. But actually, we cannot live as the truth. When you try to live as awareness, as the Self, then it creates another contradiction within us. This worldly play of appearances is moving. This body is moving. This life is moving. It's constantly changing. But when we try to fix it, as we say, 'Okay, this should become then become the unmoving' or something, that creates an inherent battle of contradiction in us. And the seeker gets more and more activated that 'I am not living it yet.' So, it's better to let your worldly life take care of itself. Let it move the way it is moving. So in that, it can continue to move without this idea that 'Is awareness constantly there? Is attention always in awareness? Is she always coming from the Self?' You see, you don't have to bother with this because the light of consciousness is running this world perfectly, which includes this body. Because even in this notion that 'I am not living it yet,' you are identifying yourself as this one at this process, not identifying as all and even beyond this all. So, best to drop this notion, best to drop that idea that somebody can live it fully. Best to drop that idea that somebody can live it fully, because it is only another concept which can keep us down. The purpose is to rid ourselves of all these limited notions of all time.

Once you see that you are the screen and the light of the projector, then is there some trouble with what's seen? The movie might contain... the scene is not continuous. The scene is always continuous; the interpretation has changed. You can never not see this. Although if it was a coming and going, then according to the sages, all that is coming and going is not true. Then even this truth would not be true if awareness would go through coming and going. Awareness is not coming and going, but our identification with awareness and with the body is happening, is changing. And even in that coming and going of identification, what happened to the truth? What happened to awareness? Who are you? Therefore, nothing has happened to you. Now, the nature of identification itself is that we consider the Self to be something other than that. That's why it can feel like, or we can think that we are not in that constantly. It can actually be a battle. And one way to identify is to say that 'I am not there fully yet.' This is another way to identify.

So then you might say that if this is true, like the truth remains untouched, then what is the point of all of this anyway? What is the point of satsang or ridding ourselves of the identification? There is actually no point. But if you were to say that there is a point, you were to say that consciousness got tired of its suffering-based experience of the world and now it is ridding itself of its suffering-based experience and coming to a more natural existence by ridding itself of its limited ideas about itself. So whatever that idea might be, it is certain that idea will not survive. So as you continue to come, you will find that over the years your idea about yourself has also changed. Now they have come to a different... which means in quality and not when it arises, but when we buy into it. So that is how I see moving is to me. As long as you are not confusing the 'I', then this could not cost... is it when you say we are in the mental level, are you speaking of consciousness?

There really is whatever is making me buy that there is no doubt space. There is beingness. No, there is no doubt not arising, just no space then. And then there is this space. So that which witnesses both, that remains untouched. Now, when we pick up the notion that 'I am not there,' then the changing of these spaces, as you call them, can make a difference. Yes, in this trying to highlight this point that all the confusion is only about confusion about the mind is convincing me that it should be very true. Actually, some very true, very well-dressed thoughts—they come with a three-piece suit to help dress this one. It must be mature. We have to be convinced. If it wants to sleep for a bit, it can sleep for a bit. If it wants to experience again, it will experience. It is experiencing through the lens of consciousness itself. Consciousness itself is playing as all of this and has a specific affinity towards this particular instrument. It has created a specific affinity using its identification towards one instrument.

So now what happens is that even this notion that if it wants to sleep for a bit it can, if it wants to experience again it can... the thing is, things like 'a bit' and all that are not contained in there. It is independent of time. Like you can wait to see... see, this is that I talked about. In this 15-minute so-called this world's time, you can have a dream which is an entire lifetime. See? So you can see that this play of this creation is independent of time. So okay, let me not complicate it. Whatever is the will of whatever your primal will, will be experienced. So if it's not done with this play of tasting this experience, it will continue. If it is done, it is done. But that's why ultimately know that even this is a concept, because it is independent of time. So I could say that it could take a rest for ten million years and then come back for another million lifetimes, but all these exist again conceptually because time does not apply to it. So beyond all these elements of the container, you are that.

Actually, trying to get the mind to understand this is trying to fit a very large object in a small thing. But hopefully, what should happen is that when we speak about these bigger things, then it brings an end to our idea that our mind can really solve the mystery of the truth. So I'm very fond of bringing disbelief to the mind, because even after hearing all of this, maybe all of this can resonate at some level, but the mind is completely lost. Since then, what was the answer? And we just try to grasp onto one or two aspects of it, but the answer is constantly contradicting itself. So there is nothing in the answer for the mind, and yet at a deeper level you can find some resonance. Yes, I am beyond time. I am beyond space. You see, the mind cannot understand being beyond time and space. You can, because you are. So what happens after that? It's completely free. Whatever. So whatever is your will. If you want to play as if this aspect of consciousness has never emerged and you're done with all of its memories and plays and relationships and everything, come on, finish. If you feel like there's more juice to extract from this stuff and you want to have this kind of play again, and you want to feel that 'Ah, the same ones are back again playing with me in another lifetime,' play like that. If you want to play as forgetfulness, see, actually they are the same ones, but I forgot and all of it... it is. See, this is the freedom that I'm talking about. Completely free beyond any idea of freedom the mind can have.

The mind can have very small ideas of freedom, that freedom means that 'Oh, I'm just free to do whatever I want in every way. I'm free to be rich or poor' or something like that. But the freedom that I'm talking about is so vast that even time is not, even space is not. This common sense itself is quite uncommon, but even the common sense is not enough. So this is what we are talking about. It is beyond common sense, because common sense operates on two things: which is one is your perceptual ability—you see things like this and we don't question them. See, whatever we will push, yes, this is how it is. See, I must be contained in this body because it seems that my perspective is from here. So that is a perceptual sort of common sense. Second type of common sense is this reasoning-oriented: 'I am able to reason things, put two and two together.' So this is the reasoning that is common sense. But what we are talking about here is beyond perception, beyond intellect. That which is a deeper intuitive insight. So this can the world question you would? And if you find, if you really look, you will find that you cannot conclusively say anything about our perceptual reality. Even science has completely disowned it now. And all our reasoning, you found that many times it has been completely flawed because we've just... if this common reasoning could work, then nobody would suffer because everybody has the ability for this common reason. So it is beyond perception, beyond intellect. There comes a time where consciousness sees in itself that it is not enough, whatever this world could give me, whatever levels of intellectual concepts I have.

We cannot really say anything about our perceptual reality; even science has completely disowned it now. And all our reasoning, you've found that many times it has been completely flawed. If this common reasoning could work, then nobody would suffer because everybody has the ability for this common reason. So it is beyond perception, beyond intellect. There comes a time where consciousness sees in itself that it is not enough. Whatever this world could give me, whatever levels of intellectual concepts—they are not enough. There is something which is a deeper longing to find for yourself, to taste for yourself, your own, you see, the immortal nectar of your own being. That's why no matter who you are—in Indian spirituality they talk about the gods and the demons both actually dying to taste this immortality of the being. So they go on this adventure.

This is the honeycomb. You cannot get it through normal means. We will not perceive the truth; we will not even solve it like an equation. You will not reason yourself to the truth. Reasoning helps to some level. Where it helps is to see that which is false. Reasoning helps when a pointer is given so that the truth cannot come and go. So we can use our reasoning to discard all that is false. In that way, reasoning can help. But the truth itself, our experience of it—the experience of immortality—is beyond all reason, beyond all perception. And once you are starting to taste it as you are being in satsang, then for a while there can be a bit of oscillations. In our family, we start to feel, 'Oh, you're becoming too much into satsang, you're becoming too much a sadhu, you know, you're becoming too much being molded to the world.' A little bit out for our social gatherings, then you can preach for a while. Your one foot is here and your one foot is there, and that is the most uncomfortable squeeze.

But as more and more you find that you are completely drowning in the truth, then both of you can play in this world also without any trouble. But that cannot stay as an expectation. It can go down this way. One day I start following, and then we become so much in alignment with consciousness that we say, 'Lord, keep me as you will. If you keep me as a king, I'm fine. If you keep me as a beggar, all this is the play of the movie; it's all good.' But you see, that's how it starts. So that is the meaning of 'Sabke prana pati.' You are that. You cannot be found in this way, and you are the Lord of all beings. This is 'Abke prana pati,' that which is the Lord of all beings. Thank you.

So it starts with, of course, let's put the worldly issues today. So those are sung, and you start with being worried about your bank balance and your relationship, something like that. Okay, let's surrender that to the Lord and then come deeper and deeper into the reality of who you are. 'How do I pray to you, O Lord?' it also says, because you are the great, unfindable one. Yes, this line initially, like when I was younger also, we are praying to the Lord but all we still care about is this. Yeah, 'Everything is yours.' It progresses to this complete surrender that even though these gifts which you might give to me actually just don't belong, because you are the Lord of the universe. We really stay here. You want to come?

My Father, I loved that scene I've been in recently. It's like everything was going so well, and then I went to message the heart up into it. It seems to come after that, around bodily anxiety. When it comes on, it's so overwhelming, debilitating. I tried doing it, but it's not my job. I'm in a new job and, you know, how am I going to help other people when I'm feeling like this myself? Insomnia and meditation and trying to use the inquiry, but it seems sometimes it needs to be just an invitation that seems to provoke anxiety, make things... I mean, the mind justifies with all sorts of things when I'm going through it. I don't feel able to manage this meeting and ignore the, you know, they come.

It's very important firstly to accept this. Now, the mind will try to create a pattern about things. It will try to create a pattern and say, 'This is this way about all anything.' What is the one cause of all things? So nothing is leading to anything else, because when we create these patterns... The good news is that right now... [Technical interruption] I was saying that firstly it is very good that you are not in some sort of a denial. Denial means that the experience is something, but we're using a concept from Advaita to try and fight that experience, you see? So if the experience is that I am feeling fearful and we're using the concept, 'Oh, I am the Self, I can't feel fearful,' you see, and yet the fear is bubbling, easy. So in that way, we can get into a worse conflict.

So what I was saying is that in spite of whatever the feeling might be, even if it is here right now, if you don't have a concept of anything like—including self-inquiry, invitation, no concept of anything at all—but we just, if you find the space and you are able to check and see what witnesses even this fear, is that itself fearful? Just with the childlike innocence. We are not doing the inquiry, forget the term.

I'm not experiencing anxiety now. And there are periods where there is great peace like this, and I'm not kind of concerned by it. And there isn't kind of this always checking of my experience and my being present and that kind of thing, you know? And there was... it's just, you know, often there is peace there. But it seems to, you know, come up. It seems to come up in episodes every, I don't know, couple of weeks or something. And there's kind of a sense that, yes, I can observe that, but when it's in full force, it has its own, you know... it doesn't seem to be the strength or the power to kind of, you know, just apply that. It just feels like it just needs to run its own course.

But like I say, you know, it seems kind of false to use a kind of a method as a panacea, as a kind of a, you know, an injection. Like, you know, an advice for an injection. 'Now there you go, you've had your advice for an injection and you're all okay now.' It doesn't seem to feel right to do that. So, but it is frightening. And on some level, I've got support from within our Sangha here, and somebody that says that he's going to help support me through and to actually really look at the anxiety and rather than kind of try to avoid it. Because I think there have been times where I've tried to kind of just want it to go away rather than actually really fully immerse myself in it and look at it. On some level, it feels like it needs to be looked at and addressed. Yeah, I don't know why it came up really. I just felt I needed support, to be open about it and share with you. So thank you.

So yes, of course, the Sangha is there for this support and always you can always write to me. You can send me a message, we can always speak, you can always share. But you are completely right when you say that the self-inquiry or the invitation is a beautiful, beautiful tool which has been provided for my direct intuitive insight to the truth. But you cannot guarantee that they will be the mandate for some phenomenal trouble that we are having. Some can even say things like, 'Why did my car break down? I am so spiritual now.' You see these kind of things. So, you know, we try and apply this truth to various layers of this phenomenal experience, but we find that it doesn't really... it is not applicable that way.

And that is why recently I have been saying that actually, truth for truth's sake. If you were to find... although our beginning of the journey might have been that we came into this because we wanted some freedom from something, from some feeling, to feel different things, for our life to be a certain way. But there comes a point where you recognize that my longing for the truth is so empty of expectation that I have no trouble in saying that I want the truth just for truth's sake. If nothing changed in my life, I'm still in this, you see? In this looking, in this inquiry, in this invitation for the truth alone, irrespective of the byproducts that it might produce.

So this is a very, very vulnerable part of the seeker's journey because here all of its expectations of feeling better, better lives, better relationships—all that is being thrown away and we come to this naked surrender. 'Whatever you do with me, Lord, is fine. Even this fear is yours to deal with. Nothing I am doing is helping. When I trust you, my Lord, my Satguru, then whatever in this play I have to face as you carry me, everything will be well.' It's fine. So then it moves away from being a tactical tool to try and help us manage our life better to a more open, more naked existence in which there is so much openness that one moment strong feelings of anxiety might come, the next moment a peace that might feel so strong that it can never be touched might come, and yet even these are surrendered at the Father's feet.

So as we empty of all tactics, everything that we thought we could use to be a certain way, then we are coming to a greater beauty actually. That which recently I've been calling our notionless existence, where we have no plan, no strategy, no interpretation, no judgment about anything that might be the content of our experience. Even the labels start to become milder and milder, not as strong. All the sensations can still be alive; they can still shake up the entire body. It might feel like death is coming, but even in this strong shaking, there is no notion about what is going to happen to me. And we don't have to do this because the way it is being said, actually, it might start to sound like a task. So don't misunderstand; I am not trying to make a task out of it. I am saying that naturally, every movement begins like that.

Right in this moment, you have no notion about yourself. And if I was to say, 'So then tell me what is going on with you,' you have to first reach out for those notions and then make that report. 'Today, I mean, though this happened, Father, this happened, before this happened, then last week when I was at the hospice, then I was in this fear. How can I have this when I myself am feeling like this?' These kind of fears can come. But these are not originally present in this now. And that is the good news: that whatever might have happened in the last few months, right now you are completely open, completely naked, empty of notions. And there is nothing special about this right now because everything is this right now.

So although we are not getting into any conceptual denial of reality—we can't even call it reality—of this experience, we are actually finding the truth which is so apparent that whatever the content of my experience might be, I am not contained in that; it is contained in me. And you will see that when you empty of notions, you will find that this truth is so apparent that everything—all the anxiety you have, the depression—is sensations happening within you. But this within which it is happening remains untouched by all of the sensations. So although we do not use it as a concept, whenever we find the fear, to check on the reality of this... we're just checking and we can say, 'Has this vulnerability, has this fear taken over every aspect of my existence?' And the mind will come and say, 'Yes, of course it has. You were completely shaking from this fear.' But if we find the space to check, we will find that—and for you especially it will be very clear—that there is an aspect which remains untouched. That which witnesses all of the shaking is untouched. And if you don't find the space for even this checking, then just make it Guruji's problem. And if you don't find the space even to make it Guruji's problem, then be as that. Be identified, it is fine, because in this moment you will be empty of that. So no feeling of guilt or trying to use something...

There is fear, but if we find the space to change, we will find that—and for you especially it will be very clear—that there is an aspect which remains untouched. That which witnesses all of the shaking is untouched. And if you don't find the space for even this checking, then just make it Guruji's problem. And if you don't find this place even to make it Guruji's problem, then be as that. Be identified; it is fine, because in this moment you be empty of that. So, no feeling of guilt or trying to use something or trying to get it, or no unworthiness because of whatever might be appearing. Not doing something right also, it is very beautiful work.

I don't know whether your work continues to be the same as what it was once when you say that you started some work at a hospice, and I felt so good in my heart to hear this. I feel like those who are close to passing will not have a better friend than you can be. And so, so happy for all of them and so grateful that Guruji's grace has enabled you to do such beautiful work. So all my blessings are there for this, but this job that you have. It's time for Guruji's silent healing from the side. Thank you for being in satsang today. So, Guru Baba ki Jai.