You Are Just Being, And Being Has Never Struggled, Except in Its Thoughts – 5th April 2021

So can we go along together? Because this is the most important thing I want to say today. So all perceptions kept aside, kept aside. Whatever knowledge is coming to us through perceptions, for a few moments we will keep it aside. And everything that we know through concept, through mind, through intellect, we keep that aside as well. Especially the spiritual desire, expectation—we just don't try to repress it, we don't try to push it away. We let it come and go. Just keep it aside. Don't be concerned with it now. What remains? Are you aware now? Very good. Is there any distinction between you and this awareness? Is there a 'you' being aware? Is there somewhere where you are but awareness is not, or awareness is but you are not? For that matter, is there even a 'here'? Is there any space or time for you really?

Remember, you are not getting into any sort of state. It is not a state. It is completely effortless. Some of you, I know this, try to, you know, fixate your eyes on something or just... none of that is needed. Just relax. There's nothing to be done. Effortlessly, you are aware of yourself. Everything is allowed to come and go. You just don't take it to mean something. For some time, don't take it to mean anything at all, neither meaningful nor meaningless. We just keep all that aside. That space—and I use that term loosely—where you are aware is your natural resting ground. You don't have to go there, isn't it? Therefore, it is completely effortless.

Now, if you did not want anything out of this as a 'me', as a personal idea about yourself, then it's game over. Then it's game over. But because these conditions, and especially a lot of conditions could have come because of the spiritual marketing also—about somebody getting enlightened and somebody living in constant bliss or some silly ideas like that—we use these benchmarks, you see, to make even this pristine non-experience... this pristine non-experience, we want to include that in our personal narrative, you see, to make it sound cool, to make it sound meaningful in our story. But there is no way that the one that has the narrative and the one that you really are can actually meet. So if you go back to the narrative, you go back to the mask of ego. But if you leave yourself unlabeled in your notionless existence, it is the end of this game, you see.

Now, one said in the chat that this recognition, it comes and goes, you see. Now this is worth evaluating. Does it come and go, or is it just like a layer of ignorance gets believed in? It seems to make the recognition go, but actually it never goes. Even to believe that 'I am a person, I am a body-mind', you see, first there has to be the 'I am'. And even for there to be an 'I am', there has to be the 'I' which is am-ing, you see. The 'I' which is being is the fundamental basis of even the lies. Even the ignorance is built on top of the truth. So when the ignorance is cleaned up, the truth just seems to remain, but it is not that the truth goes away somewhere, you see.

So it seems as if it comes and goes, but what happens is that on top of your reality about yourself, you build on, build on a misconception that 'I am something'. That's whatever one said: 'Till I am nothing, no suffering, nothing.' But instantly you believe 'I am something', that's the doorway to all the un-peacefulness and that is the way to all the trouble. So the notion of 'something' is attached to reality. The substratum of even ignorance is the truth. Otherwise, the sages would not have told us the truth does not come and go; only the false can come and go.

So when you say 'I am angry, I am upset, I am frustrated' or 'I am joyful, happy', whatever, you see, are you ever talking about somebody else? You're referring back to the same 'I', you see, as the substratum of what you are. You see, your ideas about yourself have changed—you see, every day, maybe at least every year you can confirm—but you have always felt like you've been referring to the same one. So that persistent reality is something that you are actually clear about in your heart, but on top of it we build these stories in our minds, you see. Now time is one of the fundamental building blocks of that story.

Now, as you are recognizing yourself to be what you are, tell me if there is any time for you. And I am well aware that you know what is the right answer, but try to keep that aside and really check. All the sages, the ones who said time and space are just notions—so all of you know the right answer, but see if it's really true for you. Okay? And I don't want to take too long because that's when you start thinking about it. So it's not true for you. So it cannot be that something comes and goes, because in your reality there is no time. So for something to come and go, you need to be something contained in time and space, you see. And all perceptions only are contained in time and space. All objects are only contained in time and space, you see. Only objects have length, breadth, height, duration, you see. If you are not an object, can you have length, breadth, height, duration? So all these dimensions don't apply.

But I'm not trying to get you to infer all of this. All of these are just pointers to clear up the doubt so that you can allow yourself to come to this pristine recognition. Now, for those who feel like it still eludes the recognition, I want to hear in one way or the other. Maybe you can type in the chat or you can raise your hand. What is it that you're expecting to see? Yes, like how do you know that you haven't got it? Because how do you know that you've not even recognized it? Because I feel like there's a third one, all those things, what it means in the fourth one just...

So that is clear, no? Okay, so that's the point I'm at at the moment. The conditioning management, resistance management, we'll come to later. In the moment, we'll just come there. Right now, I'm just trying to zero in on this idea that 'I have not recognized even for a moment what my true self is.' So can we just deal with that idea and then we'll see what happens later in a moment? So it is clear now. You've seen it often enough that you are that which is beyond seeing, beyond all perception. So just from those who feel like they have not had even the moment of recognition, what is it? What are they expecting to see?

Yes, but all of these things which you're saying in the chat, for a while you can just type it in the chat so I can read it easier. 'Is later, no, is later.' Oh, expectations come back or heightened awareness of the person in the body. But not in that... my clicker is not firing to me. So in that, before you can hear the sound, none of this is there, but you are still there. I don't want to give you all of this because then you will start to interpret the click in that way. Before the sound of the click, what is apparent to you? So expecting to have zero confusion, heightened awareness of something—which actually means the heightened attention on something—we'll come to those specifically in a moment.

But who feels like they've not had a moment of this recognition? Maybe you can... I'd like to speak to you for a moment. Who feels like they've not had this? And it's not to make you feel bad or something, just to look together because I want to help you with that. Anyone who feels like they've not had a moment of recognition? That's very good. Is it just because of peer pressure? Am I asking very aggressively? That is not the intent. It's just to guide you to it. Clear? Okay, very good.

So now what to do? Now that you had at least a moment of recognition—actually it's not a moment, but let's use that—what to do? You see, when will I get complete clarity, complete peace of mind, remain in a state of mindlessness, manonasha, in the no-mind state? All of them, you know. So one tool I have for you, you see, which deals with all this conditioning, with all these resistance, all of it: Just whatever may have happened or not happened in this moment, you remain open and empty. Just remain open and clean. Open means anything can come. Anything can come—any perception, any thought, anything can come. And empty means nothing is held on to. So anything can come, but we are not grasping, resting, holding. You may have moments in which you will hold. What do you do then? Nothing. In that moment, become open and empty. That's it. No holding on to more thoughts about holding thoughts. 'Why do I hold thoughts? Why can't I be open and empty?' None of that, you see. Just you saw it, finished. Now you're open and empty. So right now, let's start them completely fresh. Open and empty. Okay? Open and empty. Now, is there something that you just have to believe, just have to take to be true about yourself that you can...

Holding, holding. You may have moments in which you will hold. What do you do then? Nothing. In that moment, become open and empty. That's it. No holding on to more thoughts about holding thoughts. "Why do I hold thoughts? Why can't I be open and empty?" None of that, you see. Just, you saw it, finished. Now you're opening it. So right now, let's start them completely fresh. Open and empty. Okay? Open and empty. Now, is there something that you just have to believe, just have to take to be true about yourself, that you can expose in the chat? I'm looking at the last message, so anything after this will be what you have exposed about this. Just remain open and empty. And if your being is being forced—before thought comes, that's strong—that it has to be true that your being is now forced to believe in it, you expose that in the chat.

This is what is the idea of tomorrow. Somebody said tomorrow. The idea of tomorrow is just an idea; it's just another thought. Can you confirm it is just a thought? No perception has ever said, "I am Mr. Yesterday and I am Mr. Tomorrow." Has any perception ever said that? What is that which we call tomorrow is actually when we are revisiting our memories, and that which we call a memory is actually the future. How do we really know? Hey, don't think about that stuff. This is not fun. This is the fun stuff, okay?

So one says, "And I want to help with this pressure, tension in the head region pulls my attention." Yes, yes, yes. Let your attention go wherever it has to. It's very common, actually, when you're having spiritual insights, and sometimes you'll have anything like that and attention will get fixated with this. And that's completely fine. It is completely fine. We don't have to try and control our attention at all.

One says, "The sense of being fully stuck, there is no way out." But this is not a sense, it's an idea, you see. Now, where are you? Because this is alive at this moment. Isha, can you put up your hand, my dear? And then we can look at this, because many times I hear these reports. Now we want to look at some of these together so that we can clearly look.

Hello. It's been a long time. Of course, just after saying there's no time. I can't hear you so well, or not at all.

Namaste. You're good? Thank you. I'm okay.

So we're just looking at this together. So let's start fresh, fresh, fresh. Everything is gone. Nothing can stay. Now tell me, give me the running commentary on what's happening.

I have to think.

So you don't think. Let thoughts come and go if they have to, see? So without you thinking, does that report still apply, this idea of being stuck or not stuck?

No, no, no, no. It doesn't apply. No, no, it doesn't. I have to say...

You don't have to. You may want to, and I'm suggesting you don't. No, absolutely. By the way, I have to specify once more that thoughts arising is not what we call thinking, you see. Taking the thoughts to be valid representatives of the truth, that this is what it really is, is what we call thinking. Thoughts are free to arise as well. Attention can also go to them. Attention can go to anything at all. But to take that representation to be valid about what is, to put what is in that mental compartment, is what we call thinking. Okay? So just remain open and empty, fresh, until there is such a thought which is so compelling that you have to buy that representation.

So coming to this sense of being stuck, it comes from a strong desire to make a change.

Yeah, but you're having to think. No? I can see in your eyes. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. So yes, so you cannot take the false to be true and hold on to the truth at the same time. If you are going to take the false to be true, then it will seem as if the false is true. That is the power that consciousness has, you see. Okay, so let's try this experiment. Tell me a thought which is completely true.

A thought that is completely true? The thought of being stuck feels really true.

So this is worth examining then, you see. The thought of being stuck. Now, who is the central character in that thought? Who is stuck? Can you look around for such a character and see? Because the body is moving quite well, the head is nodding, the body is not stuck.

The one... I can't find it. Can't find it.

No, that's why I'm saying that these thoughts represent us as something that is not true at all. So what happens is it may just say, "Oh, but you're so stuck, you're so stuck," and you buy into that idea. But really, if you were to investigate that idea and say, "Who is that?" You see? So inquiry or surrender are the two means to freedom in our way, which means that inquiry means when a thought like this is proposed, we investigate and say, "Who is it?" You see? And if our temperament is not to inquire, then we can say, "Stuck, not stuck, everything is Father's problem or Master's problem, God's problem," whatever you feel devotional to. Then that thought, we don't get stuck in that home.

Yes, so this is the antidote to conditioning. The antidote to conditioning is inquiry or surrendering, you see. Is the one that is aware now, is that one stuck?

No, no. It's not stuck.

And this body is not stuck; there are no chains around it. So there is an idea of stuckness which is inventing its own protagonist. It's inventing its own character, you see, and saying, "This is what you are and you are stuck." It could also say you have twenty-five unicorns in your garden, you see. And are we going to leave that uninvestigated? Are we just going to believe it because there's a voice which seems to speak authoritatively in our heads?

Your words are stronger than this constant... you mean what you... your words are stronger than this chattering voice. I completely feel it. And you also mentioned surrender and self-inquiry. So surrender feels really good in the heart.

All of this, all of this is also thought, no? And who is the central character in this story? Let's call it the one who is trying to come out of what was being stuck.

Being stuck... no one. I didn't find one.

Yes. So why would you solve a problem for someone who doesn't exist? That sounds fun, actually. It may sound fun, but that is the way to suffer some non-existent problems for the non-existent one. So this is the nature of the mind. So what you are discovering is beyond all stories, beyond all time, beyond all space. But the mind will try to pull that back into a linear narrative which will say, "Okay, now you're talking to Ananta, so things seem okay because his voice is stronger than the voice of the mind." But later when Satsang is over, so it's put you back into that stream of time and made you back to an object, made you back into this tiny object which, poor thing, has to go in this linear flow of time like an arrow. You have to move like that, you see. But you are not that. You cannot find that one. The mind will keep knocking and it'll usually... the knock sounds like "but, but, but." So to be open and empty is to allow all these proposals from the mind, as friendly as they may seem. The mind's voice now is sounding like, "I just want to help you because now later he will not be there, then who will you ask? I'm just trying to help you, madam, you know, just like I'm at your service." It's trying to be a friend and saying, "See, right now you're fine, but one hour later Satsang is over, then what's going to happen to you?" And who's that one in that representation? Who's the you which will suffer from conditions or being stuck? Yes, there's nobody like that and there never is, you see. And this exercise that we're doing now is not just for Isha. Whatever your mind is proposing to you, find out who's the protagonist, who's the central character of that story, and whether that's a valid, real entity. Okay, let's try again now. Empty, empty, empty. Fresh, fresh, now.

There is nothing to report at this moment.

So belief means that we take an idea to be true. Nobody believes an idea saying, "Oh, this is false, let me pick it up," you see. We take a representation, a version, to be true about what is manifesting, and we give it truth value as consciousness, which is the truth, as the ability to give truth value to notions. So it gives the notion truth value and it uses that to play in this linear story of being a somebody. When it is done with this game, then it plays the game of giving them up, letting them go, becoming open and empty.

So when I speak of spiritual desire, this is in a way... we don't recognize it, but in a way it is like this, you see. It'll say, "Yes, it's fine now, but can I keep this? Can I always be like this?" All of this belongs to still the false one which wants something for itself out of the truth. The truth is not going to serve the false. If you have a false idea about ourselves that "I am a mongoose" or something, you see, and then we discovered ourselves to be timeless, spaceless, beyond all creation and dissolution—we found ourselves to be that—what deal does that truth have to make with the mongoose idea? Is there anything like the timeless reality must help the non-existent mongoose? Is there any deal like that, that the timeless reality of what I am, the Absolute Self, has to help the non-existent mongoose or any funny creature you can think of? Because that is what we take ourselves to be. In fact, at least a mongoose we have a clear idea about, you know, we can draw it out, but the ego we can't even draw, you see. Some of you may say, "But I can draw the body," you see, but the body doesn't want freedom. The body is not stuck; it is not bound. So the one that is stuck, we are not even clear about it. Like, we cannot draw; we don't even have a good visual representation of that one.

Which is what I'm saying, no? What happens is that you come to the discovery of what you are, you see, which is that "I am this unperceivable awareness." It is a pristine discovery, pure Atma Gyan, you see. Then what do we do? "Oh, have I really got it? Then what does this mean? Will I start sharing Satsang? Where are my disciples?" All these kind of things. So the one that you discovered, all these are not attributes of that one. So it's still trying to force this unperceivable truth into a narrative of the "me," you see, which it will never conform to because it is so beyond any attributes, and you need at least one attribute to include in your story. Good, good, good. Because it's a genius thing going. Discovery. Okay, stay in the discovery now. Speak from there. Is there a distinction between dream and reality? Manifest and unmanifest? Anything and anything? Something and nothing? No. Am I forcing that answer? None of this, all of this. So even the pointers that the world is Maya, it's a dream, it's just a way... it's pointers, you see. It is not saying some truths, you see. It is not true that that which comes and goes is not real. Neither is it untrue. Neither is it... neither is it true. But that's what he said. Not only do I confuse all of you, I'm also fully confused about what... how do you believe any of the things you say? Of course not. And neither must you, really.

So I've said this very often, but I feel like I should repeat it in every Satsang, which is that I am speaking pure nonsense. But it's like acid; you use it to clean up the floor, but you don't build a temple to it. The words of Satsang are just meant to neutralize whatever conditioning you may have. They're not meant to construct a new version of truth. We don't need that; there are enough already. We don't need another version of what is happening. It's actually all these versions which take us away from just the direct experience of what is.

Okay, let's hear Kim. He has had his hand up for a long time, and then we come to Beatrice and then Anderson.

Brown. I'm very, very confused and amazed by your words.

Yes. We have a club and I'm the president. I love this so much.

I'm so happy I had my hand up from the very beginning because I don't think I would put it up now, but I'm happy to speak to you. I'm very, very grateful for you.

These versions which take us away from just the direct experience of what is. Okay, let's hear Kim. Kim has had his hand up for a long time, and then we come to Beatrice and then Anders and Bram.

Pranam. I'm very, very confused and amazed by your words. We have a club and I'm the president. I love this so much. I'm so happy I had my hand up from the very beginning because I don't think I would put it up now, but I'm happy to speak to you. I'm very, very grateful for your words and your being. Maybe I can—you want to ask when you put your hand up even though it's not there now? You don't remember? It's okay. Since two or three days ago, I was in the first livestream with you, and before, I read your book and stuff—not the whole book—but I was trying to not remember something to say to you because this is always what happened to me with Mooji Ji, that I always for weeks and days I would always make very solid rock words, like this word and this word, and then when I talk, these words will come out and it will be so dead. Afterwards, I think, 'Why only these dead words have come?' But this was very difficult because obviously I was talking to you in my head, and now I don't know.

Very good. That's very good that you notice that tendency, you see, to sort of solidify our conceptual idea of what is, you see? Try to put what is in this mold of conceptualizable narratives. I'm glad you recognized that. And now you say that just you want it to come up empty and see what shows up. And that is very good. That is very cool.

And can I still—not counterpart to what I said—but can I try to speak from whatever is for me now and maybe you can see what is false about this? Because I do have this belief that, at least not now and not when I listen to you, but that there is very basic false assumptions that I have about myself and the world. And this is the so amazing and funny thing that when you talk, your fun confusion, it's so clear that it's so basic assumptions. I cannot even dare to just say how basic this is, like that I have a boundary. This is so—I cannot say, 'Yeah, everybody says of course I am not everything.' But then if you say I have to look, then I say, 'No, of course I am—I don't know.' I cannot say I'm not everything; I cannot say I'm something kind of thing.

It's very nice. I enjoy hearing you very much. So you started by saying something very interesting. You said, 'I still have a belief, or there may be a belief here still, that when I'm not in Satsang, then I still must be buying into some false assumptions.' But what if this belief itself is a false assumption? In fact, what if belief itself meant false assumption? Because no truth can be captured in the mind. What is your life without conceptual knowledge? Are you lost? And this is small if you are provoking, you see. Are you lost in this moment without conceptual knowledge? Are you lost? No. Because this is the mind's scare tactic, no? You say you need this stuff because without these representations you are completely lost, you won't know what to do. But this is not true, you see. Your heart is still beating, your blood is still flowing, your breath is still happening. All your energetic functioning of the body-mind is still happening very naturally, no? It's only that you're not struggling. You're not suffering. Nothing worthwhile you have lost, only the painful stuff. That intelligence which is taking care of that which we call my body, and also everything that is being perceived, you see, that intelligence is still operating very beautifully. So the fundamental premise of the mind—that you need its representations to make sense of the world and therefore lead a better life—is a premise worth questioning.

The mind's representations are even worse than the Lego blocks representation of what is. You see something and then you want to make the Lego block just like that, you see? And then you say, 'Oh, this is what I actually found,' but it's not that. So don't try to understand right now. Don't understand anything, what anything means. And tell me what is wrong.

And I'm sorry that I feel now—this would be a thought if I say something. Okay, let's hear it anyway. Okay, the thought would be: it's wrong that there's even the possibility of this illusion of not getting it enough, maybe of maybe failing this life. Because I know that we are very much able to bear the suffering for very long because we also very much like it, or like the—I don't know—like something about this dissolution thing.

When you say 'we,' who are you talking about? The human condition, is that what you mean?

Yes, yes. Some memory or some thought, yeah. A lot of myself and what I assume of others.

Oh yes, yeah. So suppose that in the human condition, this condition is true. Suppose we come to Satsang so that we are free from this, no? Yes. So suppose it is true, now you leave it behind. The sages are nothing but, in a way, role models who show you that it is possible to leave most of human conditioning behind and yet for day-to-day life to continue. You see, just because something is popular doesn't make it true. Just because everyone buys into an idea doesn't make it true. You can look up one of my favorite stories—I don't seem to have the energy to say it out loud right now—which is the story of Plato's cave.

Plato's cave, I know this story and we don't have to talk about it. But I think just like everyone feels like their life is the shadow life which they see in the cave, you see, it doesn't make it true, isn't it?

So the one who escapes sees that there is a much greater life than they imagined. And just this much greater life is what you mean when you're open and empty. There's just no reason. My head says like, 'This is too good, this is too courageous to accept it,' and stuff like this. But this is ridiculous. It should be just accepted and seen. Just don't try to diagnose what your head is saying. Then what about the rest of you besides your head? What is the rest of you saying? Is the rest of you struggling with anything? How big is your head in relation to the rest of you? And what makes its representations valid? The rest of your being is shining in such beautiful grace. Even the mind is, but when we look at it from an overall perspective, you can see it's part of the same plane. But when we are fixated on taking its version, it's like we have a naughty young cousin, you know, maybe a five-year-old or something, and now we have decided that this one is the voice of truth in our life. What do you think our life is going to be like? Even that is consciousness, even that is God. I'm not saying it isn't. But in consciousness all aspects exist, and you take this troublesome little cousin who loves telling stories which are not true and you give it all the truth value that it wants. What do you feel your life is going to be like?

So that's why I'm saying this, because many times it can feel like because we are relentlessly going after the false representations from the mind, it can feel like Ananta must hate the mind or something. But it's not like that. The mind is as much a part of the perceptual consciousness as anything else. But to take its version, its limited primitive ideas, to apply to me as my reality is silliness actually. As I keep asking these days, what are you not thinking right now? Why so much reliance on thought? You're just being, and being has never struggled, except in its thoughts. Okay, last one to provoke you is: who are you solving this for? Who is this freedom? If I could present freedom to you, who is that 'you' who would take it? Can I see the unfree one? The one that is bound?

Very good. You can turn this up a bit, make it a bit warmer. Good, good, good, my dear. I feel you're doing very well. Very well. Very good. Very good.

Okay, then it is. Thank you. Thank you. You can go to Beatrice. She had her hand up, and then Anders and Bram.

I tell you this thing, even if it's not true. Why would you do that to me? Because I feel that is consistently here. Okay, okay, that's good. There is like—I don't know what it is—it's like there is a feeling of identification with the thoughts, that these thoughts are me. But in another way, I see the thoughts of the person speaking in the fierce person.

So when you say—pause for a moment, let's really look now. You say that something is persistently there and it has to do with my identification or with some thoughts and taking myself to be a person, no? So now, yesterday, how many moments were you identified?

I don't know exactly.

So how do we know that this is persistently here?

I don't know.

So that is very good. So 'I don't know' is a beautiful open space, you see. So here we cannot say yesterday whole day I was unidentified, nor can we say we were fully identified, because we will only remember some ten, fifteen moments from yesterday, you see. So we cannot say something so authoritatively saying, 'I am always identifying' or something like this. So we don't know.

Yeah, if there is—it is like something changed, my dear, in your setting where some noise is coming now. Is it better? A bit better, yeah. Yeah, again it's starting. I see the—so there is a question like, 'Oh, now what problem are we solving?' The believing that the world is true. Believe it right now? I don't know.

No, exactly. The way to suffer is to solve non-existent problems.

Yes, yes. I see that this is not true and I feel like I have to tell to you just to say hello. What other reason could there be once you recognize that it's not true? Then we just for communication and conversation. Are you saying that I see really that it's not true, but mostly I feel it is true? Is it like that? Yes, I see it's like I see that is correct, the holy spirit, and there is a questioning of the reality, like who say to me that this is real? But this thing has to happen for them as they happen. Even if I see that it's not real, it's like when emoji is the tail of the serpent.

Yes, yes. I want to flip it a bit, no? So I've said a few times that the idea of the unreality of the world is just another idea. It is a thought experiment which has been proposed by sages to get us to look beyond that which is perceived, you see. Now the thing is that in our mental models, even that which is perceived is not accurately depicted. Can you tell me everything that you perceive right now? This is broad, no? If somebody hears 'worlds,' they don't make out. You have to recreate your perception in this moment in thought. Can you do it? Everything in your perception: every light, every sound, every shade of color, every shadow. Can you do it?

No, because all is changing and I don't have—I cannot write so fast.

Even if it was not changing, suppose it was on pause, you see? The world was on pause. Even then, if I gave you a million words, you could not capture everything that you're perceiving even in one room. Nobody can do it. The mind is just not capable of processing one moment of all the perception that we have, you see. And yet it likes to make stories about our life. Not one moment it can handle, and yet it will say, 'Oh, past few weeks this is what's happened to me,' or 'My entire life has been like this,' you see? All of these ideas. But you cannot do it. Just imagine. And it takes this very photocopy version of what you are experiencing and we end up living as if our life is that photocopy version, very insipid and dry. It is not like that. The thing is that what is even what is manifest, we cannot include in any story, in any narrative. Yes, there is another question like, so even all these happenings are though—

All of these ideas, but you cannot do it. Just imagine, yes, and it takes this very photocopy version of what you are experiencing and we end up living as if our life is that photocopy version—very insipid and dry and easy. It is not like that. The thing is that what is even manifest, we cannot include in any story, in any narrative.

Yes, there is another question. So, even all these happenings are thoughts and feelings of identification, etcetera, etcetera. It's like it's not me. So, if I said it—I don't know if it's a question—but it's like, why take it personally? It's just happening; it's not what I am.

No, okay. So, the notion of 'not me,' the notion of 'happening,' and the notion of 'world'—just forget about all of them. Don't create any shape to anything, whether 'me' or 'not me,' whether 'happening' or 'action,' whether with volition or empty of agency. All of these ideas, just keep them aside. Now, the only screaming voice will be, 'But what about me? What about me in this?' Nothing about you. It is the need to include this in our story, but you don't include anything. Don't include. Let the autobiography stop. Very good, good, good, good. No, not good? Okay, okay. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Okay, we can go to Anders and Brown—Graham, Brahm? However, can you help me with this? I've pronounced it five different ways so far. Namaste, namaste.

So good, so good. Okay, so beautiful looking at both of you. Thank you, thank you. So welcome, my dear, so welcome. Thank you so much. Did you want to report something when you raised your hand, or it was just...?

Yeah, yes. Just the hand was raised and just this immense love, you know. And somehow, you and Guruji Moojibaba appeared in my dream last night and just, I don't know, just this whole day is just so... I just feel you so, so much and just so carried by this love and by the Sangha.

Oh, wonderful, wonderful. Wow. I am very happy to meet you both like this, and I am in both dreams. Such a joy, such a joy. Thank you.

Okay, so one question I've been getting in the chat over the last few weeks, but I've not been reading because I just keep missing the chat these days, is this one. It says: 'Dear Father, I wanted to check with you on something. For a while, my restlessness has been driving me to move from a comfort zone type of environment to a more challenging environment on the work and personal front, but then I seem to regret it. I have been going along with this movement, but the question is if this restlessness that seems like a driving force is the mind forcing me into something I should not get into, or is it consciousness doing what is best and the regret part is just the mind? What is the best way to deal with such restless energy? Ignore it and stay where I am, or to go with it? And do I really have a choice? Please read me of this question.'

Okay, very good, very good. Okay, so this narrative has these constructs, you see. And until we don't reject the constructs, you see, until then we are not free from the narrative, you see. And it is only the narrative which causes the suffering. So you ask a question: 'So what is the best way to deal with this?' If you take yourself to be a body-mind, then take everything being done by consciousness and being experienced by consciousness, which means you, Lord, are the one doer and the one experiencer. And as long as you take yourself to be the central protagonist of this narrative, then that is the advice for you: it is consciousness doing what is best and everything is grace.

Once you see that you are not anyone that is stuck in this story that has this flow as this story seems to define—once you see that you are just the pure witnessing principle to which nothing has ever happened, but in the light of which the entire universe comes and goes—then you will see that this will automatically not apply to you anyway, you see. So if you feel like it is too much and you feel like, 'But really, let's get real, finally I'm a human,' you see, if that is the idea—that ultimately spirituality is something that human beings use to make their life better—then in that narrative, the only way to make your life better is to leave all doership and experiencership. Surrender it to the divinity, whatever aspect of divinity that attracts you to surrender it, you see.

If there is a longing, if there's a yearning in your heart to go beyond this idea of the human condition, the idea of being a body-mind, then you see yourselves to be this pure awareness which remains untouched in this entire play, you see, which is happening on the screen of your consciousness, but you are not touched by it in any way. Then you will not be so affected by the ups and downs in life, by these changes in life, you see. So depending on your representation, the answer could change. My final advice is that leave all representations. Don't represent yourself either this way or that way. Don't know what to do, don't know what not to do. Don't either plan or become spontaneous. Just remain open and empty, you see. And possibly we've spoken about this before: don't do any spiritual diagnosis or don't do any diagnosis of any sort. Don't know what is better or worse, don't know what is good or bad for you. Just leave it.

Okay, since I'm looking at the chat, there's one more. So the question is: 'So it's okay to be purposeless in today's world where everybody around runs behind one purpose apparently, and just be the true awareness that we are?' Okay, so no. That 'no' may come as a surprise to most of you, but what I'm saying is neither be purposeful nor be purposeless. Just be empty. Now, what can happen is—because I hear this quite often—because I'm saying don't make meaning, then we make a new meaning which means that everything is meaningless, you see. And I say don't make purpose, then we can feel like the meaning of it is that he's saying be purposeless. No, but even purposeless is a position, you see. It is too limiting for your reality. To be purposeful is too limiting; to be purposeless is too limiting. Just be empty of both.

Just like I was saying just now, like many times in spirituality what happens is that the whole planning happens with the mind. 'So now I'm going to drop all plans and only be spontaneous,' you see. Now, I have never heard a more rigid plan than that, but I realize most of us don't hear it that way, you see. 'I will only be spontaneous' is a very rigid plan, you see. In the same way, to be purposeful and purposeless is still two sides of the same coin, and the central character in both of those positions is not what you really are. Who is to be purposeless or purposeful? That one doesn't exist, you see. And the same thing with doership also. Like in this new age kind of sharing, many times we move from the position of doership into a non-doership position: 'But I am not the doer,' you see. But who is that which is not the doer? Who are you that is not the doer? So neither doership nor non-doership, neither purposeful nor purposeless, neither planning nor spontaneity. Just fully empty. Not that empty which is the opposite, which is full. Empty of both full and empty.

If it is an opposite, if you're taking a position, I'll give you a tip which is broad, okay, which all of you can use. If you take a position and you can think of its opposite, just drop it. So if you're feeling like, 'I'm being very spontaneous,' and you can think of the opposite of that, which was, 'I could plan and then decide,' you see, then that spontaneous is still a position. Drop it. You see, like you're being completely non-doing: 'No, I'm just not doing, you see, I'm not the doer, I'm not doing,' and you can think of its opposite, which would be to do, you see, doership—then drop your non-doership also. You see, the mind will get frustrated because this neutrality it does not understand. The intellect is like a pendulum, no? It likes to go this way or that way. Neutrality it doesn't get, you see. So what am I saying? Just notionless, positionless, empty of 'empty' also. Don't judge yourself in these limiting ways, you see. You are much beyond these kind of definitions.

Okay, so neither you are what this report is sharing about you, nor is everybody else what you are sharing about them, you see. All these are just fictional ideas in our mind. The mind is forcing you, compelling you to come to a conclusion of how you must be, you see, how you must exist. But existence doesn't need that help. It doesn't need a definition of how to be. How is your being happening right now? How are you being? It just is, no? So this light of being doesn't need a system saying, 'This is how I must be: purposeful or purposeless, meaningful or meaningless, driven or empty of ambition.' It doesn't need any of this either way. Even spiritual or not spiritual—forget about it. If you're being spiritual, you're not being spiritual. If you can 'be' spiritual, you're not being spiritual. Just forget about it.

Thank you, that is a useful question, my dear. I know the expression came out a bit strong; it was just because all of us can have these ideas which are in the opposites, and we feel like one end of the opposites will be better than the other end, you see. But it's not like that. Just leave both empty-handed. Empty-handed. Okay, Madalina has been waiting. My dear, you can come.

I know there is a tendency when I put my hand up and when I meet you, I meet you in the heart, and then the mind clings to that idea: 'You heard the question, so you better ask that.' And I noted that in the past as well. So this is why I kind of kept my hand with myself, because I thought anyway what I'm expressing is of the mind.

Yes, but see, this is what I was talking about: neither up nor down, you see. Yes, the mind cannot understand. Then what? See, but your heart can. The mind will get very confused. So in satsang when you come, neither put your hand up nor keep it down, you see. The mind says, 'How to attend this thing?' But don't pick either position. Because in either way, you are taking yourself to be that which you are not. There is no right way to be. Being itself is right. How to be? How are you being? How to be? How are you 'am-ing' right now? How are you keeping the 'am' up? How am I keeping... I am the 'I am' up. How are you 'am-ing'?

How am I... my 'I am'? Before we can determine something after that, how something after that, no? First we must determine this. This was the confusion at the beginning of the satsang because you asked us if we ever had the realization or the awareness that we are, and then I thought, 'Why are you asking about past moments?' All the spiritual pointings come up very clearly then. When I asked to look, then he's like, 'But who is here to do?' He said, 'Can we just do the inquiry?' 'I am not the doer.' All the spiritual knowledge is at the forefront, you see, and then when life is slapping us about, it's all forgotten.

In my actions and also like, I feel there is a sense of separation between me and you and the others and everything.

That is the sense... it's not really a sense, it is just an idea of separation. Like, separation is not a sense; it is only an idea.

There is also in my actions—so not during the satsang when the space is pure and your ACD is strong—when we are outside the satsang, I act with an invested interest in comfort, security, children's safety and happiness, though.

Yeah, that's good, that's fine.

I know I want this freedom to extend outside the satsang.

The one that wants is not real. Before we come into satsang, if somebody says you can be fully free for one minute in your life, you can have the darshan of the absolute reality and you can experience this freedom for... oops, I can't hear you and they can't see you. I don't know if you can hear me, huh? Okay, we can hear you now. Back.

Invested interest in comfort, security, children's safety and happiness—though yeah, that's good, that's fine. I know I want this freedom to extend outside the satsang. The one that wants is not real. Ah, before we come into satsang, if somebody says you can be fully free for one minute in your life, you can have the darshan of the absolute reality and you can experience this freedom for—oops, I can't hear you and they can't see you. I don't know if you can hear me, huh? Okay, we can hear you now. Back now. Good, good, good.

So I was saying that it sounds like a very good deal to be in the company of the Absolute—or can't really be in the company, but you know what I mean—for even a moment, it's a great gift in life. Yes, it is. Yes, but the greatest gift you can give for any apparent future is to be completely empty right now. It's such a beautiful gift that we have given to ourselves. Such a beautiful gift. How many in the world can say, 'I have these moments every week or every day where I'm just so free, open, and empty'?

The one that wants will keep pushing for more and more and more, no? The stomach of this one is never full. So I had one time one sweet child, he used to come to me and he said to me, 'Father, this waking state you have taken care of; now I want to be just as free in my dream state also.' But what does it represent? We just feel like, 'Oh, waking state is done, but what about...?' But how many can say waking state is done? It's pristine, pristine inside, you see, which is supposed to be so rare in the human condition. So rare, you see. All of us are being pointed to it and we are recognizing. So beautiful to see so many recognizing that unperceivable reality. So don't fall for the mind's trick of more, more, more.

And one thing is that don't measure your spiritual progress. Don't measure yourself in terms of tendencies and what has to change and how far you've come and how far to go. Just leave all of that. No judgment. No judgment. Naturally in life, you're going about being a mother, doing your job as a mother very well. What's the problem? There's no trouble. You're trying to provide security for your family; nothing is wrong with that. Life is unfolding. Don't judge yourself either way. Allow me to judge and say you're being a good mom. You see, all those are not—they don't apply to your ultimate reality, but in your expression as an aspect of consciousness, it's fine. But I know that when you start to judge, you will say, 'But I should be more free like this, I should not be like...' Just leave all of that. Let all of that be my problem if you can.

I am putting my attachment to your feet. Thank you. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. Might I ask one question? Guruji invited us into his heart with one month silence, and I was wondering how to do that. What is the normal life I have? Yes, how?

When you find the moment to yourself, just be silent. Just be silent without stressing yourself out about being silent. All things are perfectly resolved in the unborn. So as much by the same power, the same master's grace who's invited us into this is also going to unfold it in our lives. Amen. Thank you. Very good. Just before you start, because we disconnected from the Zoom, I've lost all the chat. So if there's something strong and you'd like me to read it, you could cut and paste it from your chat history if you can. Yes, thank you.

Can you—I want to ask you if you can help me with something? And it's connected with this retreat thing because something that was very much with me in the early, early years when I started with spirituality with earnestness. So when I heard about this retreat, like immediately, immediately something takes shape in me. Like I feel I have to be earnest or change something, like my behavior also. And it doesn't feel right. Like I feel I cannot be spontaneous anymore. I want to be more realistic about it.

So yeah, it's just simpler than that. This is just simpler than that. Something seems to make things very serious and difficult, you see. And they asked me to talk about this topic. I was saying one day when we were not in the broadcast, I was saying that, you know, when we start to take ourselves a bit seriously, just soften it up a bit. Just soften it up a bit, you see. This light, and it's not that serious, it's not that bad. And then when you soften it up a bit, you see, then soften it up a bit more. You can understand this meaning of soften it up. Thank you.

'Am I not going to be spontaneous? Do I have to force myself into silence now? But what is better? What is work?' Just leave all that. It's okay, don't worry. You see, if the feeling is there to be silent, just be silent. If it is strongly in your heart, 'No, no, this is not going to happen because my life has all of these complexities,' leave it. It's okay. It's okay. Don't—your thinking about it so oppressively is much worse than whether you do the few days in silence or not. In fact, that is the better silence.

So don't insert this advice, the master's advice, into any narrative, into any history, into any baggage, nothing. And allow it to unfold naturally if it has to. You don't have to derive like big meaning out of everything that comes out here. 'What does this mean for me?' And this time again, I'm not—I'm not chopping or anything, I'm just pointing out the nature of the mind. I'm pointing out the nature of the mind. It is taking some very simple pointing. Guruji felt to be in silence. In fact, we spoke just a couple of days ago and he told me about the announcement that was coming, and he just said it just felt to be in silence, you know, for a few days. And just from his heart, he wanted to invite whoever feels in the sangha to join him in this way. So it's not a compulsion or it doesn't—we don't have to make big meaning about it for ourselves. If you feel invited in your heart just to follow, maybe a day, maybe a minute, maybe a second, it doesn't matter, you see. So it's all fine. But don't make it like something that you can put in your story in any way. Thank you. I hope that was helpful. Maybe it sounded a bit strong, but it is meant to be helpful always.

What does it mean to allow everything to unfold? It just means that we don't have to determine what anything means, you see. It's otherwise—what allowing is there? It's not going to unfold anywhere. There's no power we have, as what we take ourselves to be, to try and stop anything from unfolding. So when we say allow everything to unfold, it's like you don't bother with trying to decipher it. 'How? What this really means? What's my representation about this?' Just leave it. It's fine. It's fine. Hmm. Good, my dear. Thank you. Very good. Hope we've been able to dislodge that thorn. That thorn, we've been able to pluck it out and throw it away. Very good. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I see in the chat that quite a few have this kind of question. Okay. 'Ananta, your talk of the opposites and dropping them both—I came to realize I had expected the whole spirituality thing to be hard and arduous. It's a very popular representation and maybe that is what I secretly wanted, for it to be a big achievement or anything of the kind.' Yes, it can be, because we did something really hard as an achievement. Or many actually, you know, look at it as penance or to get over their guilt, or there could be many, many attractive things about doing something hard in our dual session. Spirituality is not that. You can feel that from time to time, but at its core, it's just the most effortless, simple.

Okay, one says, 'Father, I just want to offer that from the Spanish sangha, we are offering contemplative spaces every day from morning and evening.' I see, very good. In case anyone wants to join. Thank you, thank you. Spanish sangha is doing it, and if there's a link or some more information, you can post that as well. Okay, some more chat today and then we end, then no more hands. I see in crucial moments, the next one says, 'In crucial moments I just lose and am completely engrossed in personhood. How to deal with this?'

See, when you are completely engrossed, you are completely lost. Forget about it. Don't try to fix that. What about the times that you are not completely engrossed? In those times, be open and empty, you see. Then the other time will take care. Then this will take care of the other times also. But if you take those moments where you're completely engrossed and pull them into the moments when you're not completely engrossed, you see, that's like spoiling today's breakfast for what is coming for lunch tomorrow or something like that. So don't try to fix that. You're open and empty now. Enjoy it. God is here. Enjoy the presence of God in your own heart, you see. Your own presence is pure divinity. Fresh God, as I call it, no? Fresh God is here. Why worry about future and past?

It's good. Then you say, 'Please bless me with unidentification.' Yes, my dear, all my blessings. 'I am going through a very bad phase. Sometimes it's just destroying all the work and it feels like I am again at this starting point.' Starting point is very good. And you may not understand what I'm saying, but in Zen, there's this whole idea of the beginner mind, you see. Advanced are the most difficult to deal with, okay? The beginner mind is what I crave in satsang. If you already know too much, if you had so much experience and all of that, then I cannot get through to you. If you return to the starting point, what I'm pointing is very simple. Just stay like that with the innocence of a child. Don't worry. I read your question on survival and things. Don't worry. Being is taking care of being. All that you need will take care of itself. It will show up on its own. Don't worry about that. But you remain in the unborn, in the beginner mind. That's good. 'Thank you so much, Anantaji, for bringing this clarity. Real meaning of Guruji's silence. Such a joy, such a blessing. I love you so much.' Thank you, thank you. Very good.

Okay, some more hands. One hand has come. Okay, last one for the day, and it is Amrita. Hello, my dear. Not hearing you so well. I'm hearing you louder. I can hear you really. Can you hear me? It's fine now. Yeah. What are you still doing there? Call me, please. Come through the screen. I know, I wish I could. I would have just jumped in like now. But with you, everything is so—I mean, it just disappears in whatever. And today it's so sticky. Like today, something is seen and yet it is believed. Something is seen, but yet the opposite is happening. It's opposite and it's seen, it's seen early, but and something is not okay about it. Like when you say, 'Okay, just leave it,' oh, it becomes unbearable also at times. Like it feels like it should go away. And your words kind of ring into the ears like, 'Okay, this is also okay, let it be.' Like whatever, let it happen, whatever is happening. But that—it's, or I don't know what is so strong.

So how does one—let's do one experiment. Everything is yours, so why don't we start there? I know, but that's something in reporting only it is gone, you know. It's last few weeks I've heard this being dead as bad as that, bad news, as if it's a grievance. Mentally. Thank you, Father. I was going to trim it very slightly and then I noticed that I trimmed this whole part of the French goatee. Okay, let's just leave it. No, but is this—is this like...?

The morning itself, I had this strong thought like, I don't want to be connected with anybody. I just want to be in silence, like just disconnect. Yeah. And then I saw this mail, Guruji's mail of awakening. It just turned. So I just exited from all kinds of groups on WhatsApp and Facebook. Just come. Since morning, from morning nine o'clock until now, it's like open fire. But I know—I mean, I just—here just felt it was seen that where I'm falling short or I am not doing enough, something like that. Or I need to be more, I need to step up my work thing.

I didn't want to be connected with anybody. I just want to be in silence, like just disconnect. Yeah, and then I saw this mail, Guruji's mail of awakening, and it just turned. So I just exited from all kinds of groups on WhatsApp and Facebook. Since morning, from morning nine o'clock until now, it's like open fire. But I know, I mean, I just... here it was felt, it was seen, that where I'm falling short or I am not doing enough, something like that, or I need to be more, I need to step up my work thing. But I gave up also. I said, 'Okay, this much only I can do. I cannot handle and think about so much of death and then court and then this whatever and then work and then on small, small things.' That's too much on my head. Okay, I can only do this much and then rest I can't. What are you going to call this character? Calling 'I' for solving... I know 'I' when somebody is like telling me constantly, 'Okay, you are not doing this, you are not doing this,' or 'You're not doing enough' or whatever. You're not the thing who... though what should we call this me? Yeah, so what is this? Is this me? Like, yeah, it's a person.

In my heart, I just know that it's just fine. Everything is just fine. It's just like what is making jokes. Oh, Father, it's all... but now I think I'll have... I'm just trying to make my child laughing and usually it has the opposite effect. It's very, very important. Maybe in mind also, when like when you say anything can show up, anything can come and your anything can happen, but that sometimes it... that anything or nothing can happen, like either or. Like you don't even leave that. I mean, sometimes that my mind wants to hook onto that one thing and one whatever, but like here something knows it's not available, not there, it's not there. And then there's little cribbing and little crying and everything happens and then it's fine. This is this is how it is, that we never say no, like we can never determine what you can speak in a moment.

I just want to say, share something about this. So I'm saying that many times it can feel like spirituality is saying that our interpretation that this is what something is, it's okay because that's just how it is. But really what I'm pointing to is that we can never determine the nature of anything. We don't know what is good, what is bad. We don't know what is good for us, bad for us. We don't even know what that 'us' is, you know? So it is not that we can make conclusions and then say it's okay. For the world, for regular spirituality, it's fine. But what I'm pointing to is to tell you that whatever conclusions the mind may be making about what is, you see, is a very, very insipid representation of what actually is.

And it is in these representations that we are missing the presence of God apparently, because we are able to say, 'Oh, this is like this, but it's okay, you see, Master's grace will take care of it,' you see. But it is still attached to our idea of what is happening. But we can never say we did this when you were here, no? The Kanpur Sangha was here as well. Said, 'What is this or what is happening?' Can we really ever see? Our mind is not big enough to be able to encapsulate it. So it takes these... take this very small, small circumstantial evidence and say, 'Ah, this is what this means.' And all of you can have the same incident or event and have a different representation.

Like this satsang is one example. One could say, 'Oh, Ananta was full on today, such a good satsang.' Another could say, 'Today I was very sleepy, I feel like it was very boring.' But what is it actually? You can never determine it. So don't look at life or anything happening in life through the lens of the mind, you see? Because to come to some sort of a reconciliation from there is okay, it's fine, like it's a baby step type of thing. But I'm talking about a quantum leap where you just not making any representations of it. Just leave it all, all concepts, all conceptualization, just forget about it. You can say something if you want.

I am not in my church that in and there's already so much of boundary around the framework around where in in the spirituality also it plays around that in that boundary and it should and shouldn't then present. So for a few days don't understand what is krill, doesn't understand that is the spiritual sadhana for you. Otherwise it's always from something to other things. I don't know how to be them. Your beak doesn't have a how actually. Literally I want to follow when you say don't understand, what do I do? Understand yes. I think I'm trying to understand it. You have the thinker who's happening automatically, wiring is like that. That's how the work will happen then. How will I ask you plan to be in school? But other other distractions like WhatsApp was a big distraction, other social media and unnecessary phone calls. Don't understand what is cool. I don't know that's very good.

Okay, thank you. One says, 'Father, when you say don't understand anything, it means making no orange juice.' Yes, exactly what it means. Some of you may not have heard this orange juice metaphor, so I feel like it went like this. So I said one day that these thoughts are like oranges, no? Just let them come and go. Don't try to squeeze orange juice. And you know, it's really like this when you're like really trying to solve something, non-existent problems and things like that. Go ahead and get those. How do you get this? Like not so easy for me to get through. So it's like really you're squeezing, no? Squeezing. I can tell you're being very mindy about something, so that's why I said don't make orange juice. That's all.

Next one says, 'Is awareness the last ground to let go?' If it is a concept, of course. First let it go first if you do the concept. Okay, very good, very good. Let's play a bhajan. Thank you all. I really feel like I enjoyed a lot today. Thank you.

This is just a tiny representation, a tiny representation of something like this. When you're open and empty, full of joy, full of joy. But if you get your mind involved, it's just like, 'What is this? It is chaos point,' you see. So live your life like this. Just open, empty, no judgment. Allow everything to flow. You don't have to understand. You don't have to make patterns, and everything does not have to conform to our idea of what is right and what is wrong. Flow, flow with life like this. In the same school, all is good. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today.