With and Without a Notion You Are Just the Self - 6th October 2017

This is very good. So I usually say to what can be said 'not this, not this.' So let's do this together. So this outer world—the computer or TV, the sofa—all of this we can say 'I am not that' or 'I am beyond that.' And not only this, so we do very lightly, don't have to force anything away. It is saying that I am beyond. If I am not only the appearance, I am not just this. Even if this is me, there is something that I am which is beyond this. So I'm not anything which is perceived through the senses—those eyes, through the ears, the taste, through the skin—all of this I am not, I am beyond. Then I am not even the sensations which are experienced as the body. Sensations is the same set of perceptions and sensations. I am not, I am beyond that.

Then after body, what else is there? So we looked at the world, we looked at the body, and also the body in after body there are some sensations step by step. So the thoughts, that which we call the mind, which is thoughts, memory, imagination—all of this I am witnessing. I am not that. Then yes, then emotions, feelings, pain, any sensation, no matter what the intensity of the sensation might be or the color of the energy might be, I am beyond.

Yes, now what has happened is that you've come to a restaurant. You know, a restaurant where you can order your meal. So now you ordered the best course meal. You ordered this best seven-course meal. Now you don't have to worry one time about how you cook it at home sometime, and then at the end of the meal we can compare notes and see how it was when you make it at home. You understand what I'm saying? So otherwise what is happening is that I am taking you through the process step by step, you see. I am serving the meal to you step by step, but something is coming and saying, 'But when I cook it, I put this much salt, I put this much sugar.' We will exchange those notes, we will compare the notes, but at the end of the meal. Okay? Yes, let's try, let's see what happens.

So we said that the appearance of the outer world I am not, and the witness of that. Then the appearance of this body, individual person, I am not it, I am the witness of that. Then we said these thoughts, they come and they go. Imagination comes and goes, memory comes and goes. All of this is coming, I am not coming, I am not even there. Feelings can be fear, pleasure, can be any sensation and the situation plus anything is also coming and going. I am the witness of these, I am not coming and going. So I am not these feelings. Then what comes after that? Your presence, I am. I am here. This I am presence is your very existence. You are aware of this existence. The fact which is aware of this existence is beyond even existence, is not limited by existence.

Now this is this, that awareness which is untouched by any movement. All that is coming and going has been kept aside. Now here I am actually asking you here: what is your size or shape? There is no what can come in the realm of appearance that can make a dent on you, can make a scratch on you from here. Nothing. If the greatest fear came, would this awareness be touched intellectually? So what is the way to? I think even with the fear, suppose I was to tell you now that you see yourselves as this primal witnessing which has no size or shape, nothing. Now your job is the opposite, okay? You are not to try and get rid of appearance, not to try and get rid of the identification. Which here, you connect this awareness to the fear and show me how you will do it. Let the fear come, move into it in fact, and try to identify the awareness to this fear. Attach awareness to it.

So you say yes, instead of trying to avoid that, you do the reverse. Try whatever you've been doing in the past. You say, 'I get so attached to this fear.' So everything that you've been doing in the past to attach myself to fear, can you do it? Yes, you see, this is what happens when you hide from the mind, then it comes into you. But when you say to the mind, 'You tell me what you can do. How will you get this primal witnessing, this awareness which has no attribute, no shape, no size, no locations, no durations? Mr. Mind, you come tell me how you will attack me, how you will get me bound, how you will attach to me.' Then you notice that it is just not possible. In your hiding, you pretend as if you are a limited entity. In your hiding, you pose as if you are a limited entity. In your openness, in your saying, 'Okay come, what will you do?' the fear comes like that. You will do nothing. They are molesting a non-existent you, which is just an invention that you make based on yourself as a spiritual seeker.

Because we have invested in the inquiry here, invested so much in the spiritual seeking process, we are with our identity as the seeker who must be now pure. But I am telling you, whatever comes—the biggest fear, the biggest anger, biggest whatever emotion might come—cannot touch the reality of you ever. It has never touched you. You will find that this is true. You will see that this is so. But when you project, then you project from the past or when you project into the future, you might find that, 'Oh actually I do end up getting caught.' You see, now this 'I' that ends up getting caught, it is the figment of your imagination. We have believed ourselves to be that non-existent one. I usually these days use the blue cat. You imagine yourself to be the blue cat for so long, you see, that we're just chasing our bowl of milk or avoiding that which can give this cat some pain. But you are not that. No matter if you look at this a million times, you will never find one who is actually attacked. That one has never existed. It is just an interpretation of the mind saying, 'Because fear is coming, I am fearful. Because something is rising, therefore I must be that.' But you are never that. You are always this awareness.

Now watch fear to such to a certain amount, but there is still a bigger fear which I'm getting pulled to become myself, fake self, to become me to protect. But so I'm getting more used to hold and watch the fear. This is I feel that, I see that, that I'm not getting pulled immediately, but it takes longer, but still flashed by the fear.

Yes, there are two ways to play this game. The first way is the gradual way, okay? Every day I will become a bit stronger, I will affirm to myself that the fear cannot really hurt me. So when the fear comes, I can just be the witness of it for a longer time. And the second way, which is usually my way, is to say, 'Okay come, attack me to the best of your ability. Bring the biggest Mr. Mind, Mr. Fear. Don't go easy on me. Kill me if you can. Do your worst. Let's see how you touch me.' So I invite you to try this for some time and you will notice that what you are remains untouched. Even if there are moments of identification, you see, what is an identification? Maybe I can clarify this for you a little bit.

So the fear is an energy which is arising, you see. Nothing actually is attached to this fear; it's just an energy. Now a thought will come about the fear saying, 'Ah, this is too scary,' or 'I wish this would go away,' or 'This is so painful.' So when we buy into that interpretation of this energy, that is what we call an attachment. If everything is allowed, even the worst of the mind is just allowed to come and go and we just sit and see what is happening in reality to me, then you will see that you can never be fearful. Fear is an arising energy and a disappearing energy. So what is it saying in Vedanta? That which is coming and going is not you, is not real. That which is real is that which does not come and go. So when we lose the fear of the fear, when we are not trying to manipulate the fear or lessen the fear, you gain mastery over the fear where we just become open to whatever has to come. Because we know that that which comes and goes is never real, then you will see that that which you were expecting to be a gradual process and some improvement, some steps of changing, you might see that the entire game is dropped away.

So this is the Neti Neti when you say 'not this, not this.' You do the Neti Neti, which means that you come to this point where as awareness itself, you cannot say 'not this' to awareness itself. So then the infinite regress which you were talking about stops at that point. Actually, it is not an infinite regress. That Self is self-aware and there is nothing further back to go. So these words, and you can listen to them again in the recording. Sometimes I know that when we will be here in satsang alive, it's not that everything gets assimilated, but the recording will also be available to you. So you can hear that and you will find out that when I come to that which is aware of my own existence, of my own being, of my own consciousness, it is not possible with integrity to say 'not this' because there is only this. There is no difference between subject and object now. We can no longer say 'I am not the object, I am the subject of that' because the subjectivity and objectivity both, they have resolved here in this awareness. Very happy to meet you, my dear.

I want to for a second, I want to check with Nitira whether that is still happening, my dear. The switching is still taking time or... oh this... yes, I'm getting this off. Say, I don't tell you, my dear. Now can you hear me now? Hello? Hello? Okay, this message, I think she will send you a message. So we want to check whether yesterday she would have... you seemed like it was taking a long time to switch between the speakers. So like the questioner asked the question, for the camera to come back to me it was taking a minute or two too long. So maybe I just wanted to check with her if the same thing is happening today. She is sending.

Yes, I'm getting this. I don't tell you, my dear, now can you hear me now? Hello, hello. Okay, this message... I think she will send you a message. We want to check whether yesterday it seemed like it was taking a long time to switch between the speakers. Like, when the questioner asked the question, for the camera to come back to me, it was taking a minute or two too long. So maybe I just wanted to check with her if the same thing is happening today. She is sending you a message, my dear. You can do pranam on the chat now. It is clear. Okay, yes, it is connected even here now. It's back; should be fine.

You know, dealing with the emotions, being with tendencies, is like I had that plastic box in my hand the other day. You know, part of that bottle? Now to open that, and that previous part was closed. So that's why it can seem like many times it's a never-ending battle, a Mahabharat. You arrange the tendency, fight, fight, fight with lust, and then some other tendency comes. Then you go fighting with that, and lust comes back. So if you are able to just follow this direct pointing and see that which is beyond all these tendencies, and you see that all of this play of all of these various tendencies is also just happening in the light of my being, what I truly am—the Self—is beyond even this play. And in that, somehow, then all this clean-up exercise that we were attempting to do happens in a very natural way. You are not doing it anymore; just naturalness remains. There is no worry about being a hundred percent free from this or a hundred percent free from that. All spaces of life that you know to be appearing in the right quantities without you having to maneuver it, without you having to steer it.

Father, please don't read my name. It looks like the longing for freedom dropped away. I don't think I got what I wanted, but there is neither satisfaction nor frustration. The very wanting seems to have disappeared already. There is no motivation in materialistic life and worldly ways. It is very worrisome. Father, please don't read my name. It looks like the longing for freedom dropped away. I don't think I'm feeling I got what I wanted, but there is neither satisfaction nor frustration. The very wanting seems to have disappeared already. There is no motivation in materialistic life and worldly ways. It is very worrisome.

I can come up fine. Even yesterday we were talking about this. There becomes a point for all spiritual seekers where the feverishness about what they are seeking drops away. So the feverishness drops away—the idea that 'I must sprint towards this goal, that the purpose of my life is to get to this Nirvana, this moksha, liberation.' That feverishness drops away. And with the dropping of this, especially if you continue to be in satsang, it means what? That if the longing had not been there, then what brought you to satsang? Even without the feverishness, there can be a longing which we are not recognizing, maybe because we got so confused with the feverishness being the longing. This sweet longing in the heart seems so subtle that it can seem like all the longing has gone away, but it is actually just the feverishness which went away.

Now, I don't know, 'I got what I wanted but neither satisfaction nor frustration.' So this already is very good. More neutrality, and yet some belief in the 'I'. Although there is more neutrality coming, not so much association with the feeling of either 'I got it, I got it' or 'I didn't get it,' or the satisfaction or frustration of that, and yet some identification with this 'I'. 'I wanted something.' So this 'I' will never get what it wanted. This 'I' is the cat who wants the bowl of milk. Now the cat is saying, 'I don't know whether I got my bowl of milk or no, but I've just come to this sort of neutrality.' You see? So now in this neutrality, is there a cat who wants something? As long as this concern about 'did I get what I wanted' is being dropped away, then that seeker identity, the cat identity, is also dropped away.

'The very wanting seems to have disappeared already. There is no motivation in materialistic life and worldly ways.' This means already, if I'm reading it right, what she means is that there is no motivation in materialistic life, but now there is no motivation even in spiritual life. So where should I go? Is this right? You can tell me privately if this is what you mean. So there was no motivation in materialistic life, so we came to spiritual life. Now it seems like the motivation even in spiritual life is being dropped away, and it is very worrisome. For me, it is not worrisome. This motivation means there must be a projection into the future. So whether there is motivation or not, whether there is satisfaction or frustration or not, whether something was achieved or not—what is it that you are right now? Where is the one that wants? Where is the one that used to want? The one that could have got it, has got it, or has not got it? Please see.

That's why I've said that mostly it goes from whether you... when you ask whether you got it or not, the answer is 'not applicable.' Are you the doer or not? The answer is 'not applicable.' Do you have desire left or no? The answer is 'not applicable.' This is what you are discovering yourself to be: that which has always been beyond these. Now, what can remain for some time is this concern about the outward expression. How is this one playing out? Is she a liberated being or still bound? Now, the outward expression is neither; it is just played out in the light of consciousness as it is meant to play out. So just notice the mind's attempts to make this into a thing. It tries to attempt to make even scary monsters out of thin air. In your report, what I am reading is a lot of neutrality, a lot of peace actually, because the one who is neither satisfied nor frustrated is just so beautifully peaceful, empty. But the mind is saying, 'But now what does this mean for me? What does this mean for me?' So don't allow the mind to make nothing into a thing. You just remain like this. Keep coming to satsang as often as you can. You won't fight with this neutrality. As you get more and more used to this neutrality, then the one who might even in the outer world... they come into your presence and they might think that there is nothing simply that you'd be my problem if to you I can see what the whole point of saying Father is not present.

So when you say 'Father,' although through that you do for me, you know, in a very endearing way you call me Father, just know that means then you must be like an infant. We cannot then know things and say, 'Okay, I only want that.' Even younger than that. Next time if it becomes then, can we try to switch over? Then go to yours. Right now it seems everyone's moving clear the same. I know the internet connection seems all right. One thing that I want to remind everyone about is that if there is confusion, all confusion is about identity. Don't ever let it become about the symptom. All confusion is about who you are. It is never about what is arising—neither fear nor frustration nor anything. Talking in the sense of like elements, like 'I'm so lethargic even about my spirituality, I don't know what's happening with me, I lost even this motivation.' This kind of thing is also confusion about who we are. Whatever the symptom might be, the disease is only one. And whatever the symptom might be, the prescriptions are only two—ultimately only one, but they sound like there are two—which is surrender or inquire, or both actually. They are the same.

Can we make all of our satsang into a small capsule like this? Which is: all confusion and all frustration, basically all suffering, is a question of mistaken identity. And so no matter what it might be, don't bother with the content of that; find out who you are. And so the affliction is only this. Then the sages have given us the prescription also: whatever, if you are confused, if there is suffering, just surrender or inquire. Now some of you might be a bit confused right now about why I say they are the same, because honestly, the sound picture will see that I don't want to spoil the whole movie. And it changes, like here it is, it gained momentum, and then I will feel very inclined towards inquiry and you sit down, fine. Now sometimes it will just... oh my dear, it's fine. But once you get involved in trying to sort it out symptom by symptom, then you will see that the mind has you. You must have picked up the notion of your individual existence to try and then is always in that.

Father, that is the best thing I have heard in the last three years. This I can do now. To take that right, is that a compliment which I just presumed? In this play, there arises a need to prove the falsity of the false.

Yes, yes. You see, this is like one of the last straws, the last battles of the ego: to prove the false to be false. And that is the way of affirming or proclaiming our truth to be true. Even that drops away. If there's a need... because you say 'need.' If it is happening naturally, then of course I see there's no holding on to the... yeah, it's... you know when it smells, Father, because you can see.

Because you know when I, like, say, 'Okay, I see the inquiry,' and then I can immediately feel since it's like the ego wants just to continue the play. There's no really any inquiry actually happening. It's just that it just... like you just said it so clearly. I mean, it was that in just like, you know, when you said like try that awareness, try and attach that fear. When we were doing this inquiry just now and we said, 'Okay, I'm not the body,' and this fear... yes, I'm not the body, but this body is mine and I will not be able to exist without this body. And that fear was there, very tangibly there. And then when you asked us, 'Can you now attach yourself to this fear? Don't let it go,' and immediately the recognition came that I can't attach anything to awareness. It's just not possible. And thank you so much because it's like it was like so simple then. You try it, it doesn't happen. And thank you so much, Father. It's just such a pleasure—not pleasure, I mean there are no words—just being in satsang. And thank you, Father.

Now you say both after one year. But the last year you said, 'I can inquire and surrender both.' Then for one year you said, 'Either/or.' Now you say again, 'Both.' This is something... one specific instruction for you which you know very well: don't even pick up anything, anything, anything that you hear. You know, one day you will thank me because you'll see that this pointing—who stayed at the Master's feet, at my Father's feet—this remaining with the unassociated presence is the fruit of the most highest practice that you could do. It is the fruit of inquiry, it is the fruit of trying to surrender, is to come here. There is nowhere to go beyond this. In your unassociated presence, your presence which is empty of notions, the Absolute fruit is completely apparent. It is this place where you see that inquiry and surrender are both coming to the same place, to the same point: Guru's presence. I'm not so sleepy when you cannot practice it or do it. You are there. Stay there, stay there. Again, to clarify, it only means don't pick up a notion about yourself. Thank you, thank you.

Father, this drama which I posted in our group today, I leave it to you. I know the Satguru's blessings are with you and your family. At least in this what you're calling drama that you posted, at least in that there was some phenomenal appearance. There was the play of phenomenal movement of things happening in worldly life. Even this is much better than that drama of the non-existent spiritual seeker and the non-existent finder of awareness and all of those things. So I find much more beauty in this in our spiritual... else I feel like I'm noticing that this body is a bit tired today. So maybe we can end our satsang. Have a wonderful notion-free, notion-free, beautiful, beautiful weekend. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today. Guru Sri Moojiji ki Jai. Sachchidananda ki Jai.