Who Is There to Feel Special? - 13 May 2015

This is exactly what I mean, that initially it feels like 'I don't have legs to stand on.' It's a state of shakiness. Where do I find myself? Where do I put myself? There is nowhere. And once you become comfortable with this 'nowhere,' then nothing can trouble you. This is what it means when you say, 'Are you happy with this emptiness?' Can you just get used to your own emptiness? It is not that your life becomes empty; it's not that the appearances stop. It is just that you cannot find anything that you can relate to as yourself. You cannot find an entity which you can call 'I', and yet you are, because you cannot deny that 'I am.' But you will not find yourself specially.

In time you'll get used to it. You'll get comfortable with this and you realize that it is in this that I'm free from all expectations, all needs, all desires, because I cannot find myself here phenomenally. The part of me is playing in this way—the part which I call Consciousness—and I am aware of it. It likes to play in this way in this world which it seems to be creating, but I cannot truly place myself anywhere inside the world. I am that which is the witnessing of the world. And remember that it's about you. All of this is about you.

We say, 'Oh, but this one doesn't get it,' or 'He thinks he got it but he still hasn't got it.' All this is still judgment coming from here. So use everything which is coming in your appearance just to use as your own inquiry. Our close relationships are meant to do this; they are meant to push all these buttons so that whatever identification still remains will be thrown into the fire. Why does it bother you? Because there is some sense of relationship. But is it a relationship that awareness has? Is it a relationship that Consciousness has? No, it is still a relationship of the pretend one, the imagined one. Otherwise, I would be as affected by your relationships as you are. This doesn't happen this way, right? Because there's still a 'me' which says that this is my close relationship.

So what can be used to perpetuate the separation is now getting used to perpetuate the oneness. So when life comes and pushes our buttons, don't panic about it. Look at it as an opportunity. They are showing you something that is still hiding from you, showing you that you want freedom but also you want freedom with certain conditions. You see? Freedom and also this relationship. Freedom and also just something. And the mind will come and paint some scary pictures that if you have freedom, does this mean that I won't have relationships? No, it has nothing to do with that.

So all the play of Consciousness continues. Relationships can continue, all roles will continue. The sense of the separate 'me' playing the role will be... you will see that naturally all roles are getting filled. Parent roles, partner roles, child roles—all these roles are being done by Consciousness itself. Consciousness can run this entire universe; it has no trouble running our life. Consciousness can do everything. But it cannot manage 'my' relationship or it cannot pay 'my' bills. These are typical.

There's something very auspicious about the discovery of what you are, but you cannot say that it is special. That would mean that you have become something that you were not earlier. The discovery is that you have always been this, isn't it? And this one, if you spot this one now, is wearing different clothes. Maybe he's wearing an orange robe or a white robe and saying, 'I'm now a great enlightened person.' In your mind, I'm saying. Externally you can wear whatever; it's completely fine, completely fine. But if it's painting this picture of an enlightened person in your mind, then know that this is another appearance. It's just a visual. There is no such thing as an enlightened person. Enlightenment is freedom from this person idea itself. Who is there to feel special?

Yet it is very natural for this to happen because this is the way of the mind, you see. The mind says, 'I went after something and I got it.' Everything in life has been like this. 'I wanted the relationship, I got it. I wanted money, I got it,' or didn't get it. Either way, it's not dependent on the outcome. So the way has always been that 'I'm seeking freedom and yes, finally I got it.' And freedom is actually freedom from this 'I'. With this one, it can keep jumping around. Don't expect that this one will vanish. It'll keep jumping around. It'll celebrate, then tomorrow when you wake up it'll say, 'Oh, you lost it.' Then it's feeling sad. Then thereafter, 'No, no, there's no getting or losing it.' You know, we'll do this together.

He tries to be your friend, this mind, this ego is trying to be your ally. It's like the ant which is telling the lion that, 'Yes, yes, you walk with me and we'll get there.' You see? It is the sense, the imagined person idea is telling God, 'You know, I'll take you there.' That's why it's very important, this one. And I say if you want to see God pretending to be a person, just believe your next thought. This is the way in which God picks up the pretense of personhood. So let those who come in your presence see that we are so blessed by your presence. You're sitting and wondering, 'What is this? What's going on?' Let it be innocent like that. Don't buy any story about yourself, not even about freedom, because you do not exist phenomenally. You cannot have a story. And these stories are the ones which will keep you oscillating between what seems like freedom and delusion. Without a story, it is not possible.

It's very good, very good. I'm very happy that we're in satsang and you report that things are becoming much clearer. And very quickly that auspicious vigilance is also there which says there is something which is trying to proclaim something or claim something. See? And I see this and it doesn't smell nice, you know? It doesn't smell true. It still smells of the person. So I want to expose this in satsang and burn it here. This is very good.