Wherever You Go God Is With You - 17th June 2024

Now if you look at what he's talking about, he's saying that initially—and I'm paraphrasing a bit what he's saying—initially I was experiencing the realm of Maya, the realm of appearances through my senses, through my perception, you see? But to experience my inner world, my inner presence of God, the Atma within, the Holy Spirit within, and in the light of that to come to that which is purely without attributes, the Nirguna reality of ourself, I realize that these senses, these perceptions cannot get me there. So I was relying completely on a new power that I found within myself, which is intuitive insight. Because what I'm finding as Consciousness and that which is aware even of being is beyond the realm of our senses, beyond the realm of perception, you see? So I'm relying on my intuitive insight.

So initially it can feel like it's two different realms. We are experiencing the world because we're using our perceptions, our senses, and judging them based on our interpretation. But when we go to the inner realms, then these tools don't work, and then we struggle because sometimes we have perceptual experiences—we feel some love, some bliss, some joy, some peace—and this is the feeling of love that I'm talking about, not the intuitive love that we can come to in a moment. And then we feel that I was getting there based on these experiences, the spiritual experiences that I was having, you see? But that is the extent to which our perception can go, isn't it? After that we have to rely on our intuition, you see?

Now what he's saying is that this which seemed to be distinct—the realm of perception and the realm of intuitive insight—that seems to be unifying. And if we start to pay attention to that, we will see that that unification happens as we start relying on our intuition more and more, you see? On that Atma, on the power of that Atma, the power of that Holy Spirit more and more. And we rest in that, then that which is needed to be received in the world can also be brought to us intuitively, you see? So we are changing from a different set of glasses. In the process of changing my glasses—so from like bifocals to progressive, I don't know if everybody gets that reference—but from an older instrument to a newer instrument, and that gives us insight both in terms of how to operate in this world, what is happening here, as well as not leaving contact or touch with our true reality, which is known only intuitively.

So then, like this, resting intuitively, we never let go of the true sense of who we are, and the world continues to be perceived as well, you see? So what is needed for that? We remain in this pure perception and we're not seeing everything through the lens of the mind. Actually we never were, but the lens was interfering in its interpretations and judgments and saying, 'This is like this' and 'This is like that' and 'How could he do this?' and 'How could she do that?' you see? So all this contamination was happening through the instrument of the mind earlier. But now you're just resting in your Atma, learning to rest in your Atma within and allowing everything around you to unfold from there, you see? So that's a beautiful transformation and it's a constant work in progress.

Nobody can say that I'm fully now out of the gravitation of Maya and fully into the gravitation, the attractive field of the heart within. And actually nobody can also say that I'm fully caught up in the realm of Maya because that longing from the inside will also keep showing up in some way or the other, you see? So both these force fields are always at work in our life. And as we are deepening into the force field of the Atma within, then we are taking on the discipleship of the Atma, and it is showing us whatever needs to be shown in the holy chambers of our heart and in the outer appearance of the world. And it doesn't seem to be like I have to switch instruments to do that; it's happening very naturally, very organically. This is very good.

Then the second question was about the nature of the mind and its Oneness compared to the Oneness of Consciousness or being. Now that depends a lot on what the definition of the mind that we are using is. Bhagavan has also used many different definitions, but his most often used definition was that the mind is a bundle of thoughts. And if you stay with that and look at Consciousness as the projective light, then it makes things quite straightforward because the bundle of thoughts is just another set of perceptions that appears in the projective light of Consciousness itself. So one Consciousness in which all this objective play goes on, and as part of the objective play there is also this thought appearances which collectively we call the mind. So then that keeps it simple and straightforward.

So we come to Satsang so that we deepen, we allow us to deepen, get more and more deeply embedded in the discipleship of the Atma, the force field of the Atma itself, so that we remain in love with God and we remain in the insight of pure presence which leads us to the pure awareness itself. So what are the tools which help us in this, to leave the force field of Maya and to come into the true reality? So the tools of course are our prayer, surrender, inquiry, faith, humility—all other tools that we talk about. We've spoken about a lot of them, the aids to bring us back to our true life. Because when we live in the outer force field of Maya outside, then we are living a zombie life which seems like it is alive but it is disconnected from the aliveness of the presence of God, you see?

And therefore, no matter what we achieve, what we get, we don't feel an aliveness till we come to the stillness in our heart, till we come to the quietude of the heart and notice the presence, the light of His presence in which true joy, true rest, true guidance, true insight—all of the truth emerges over here. So that is the project, so to speak. What happens then is that the mind, which is basically the lawyer for Maya which will say this outer appearance is how things are, isn't it? It gives you an interpretation of what is, constantly offering you the storyline on which your life is running, you see? So this mind then says, 'Oh okay, you want spirituality? I'll give you spirituality,' you see? And it creates a version of spirituality which has nothing really to do with Spirit. It is about outer things and outer experiences and outer way of life rather than truly coming into a discipleship of that Spirit within our heart, which then we can call the beginning of our spiritual journey.

An interpretation of what is constantly offering you the storyline on which your life is running, you see. So this mind then says, 'Oh okay, you want spirituality? I'll give you spirituality,' you see. And it creates a version of spirituality which has nothing really to do with Spirit. It is about outer things and outer experiences and an outer way of life, rather than truly coming into a discipleship of that Spirit within our heart, which then we can call the beginning of our spiritual journey.

So we go through all the layers of our existence. We go through all the layers of our existence; we cut through the cross-section of the world, which is also a layer of our existence actually. And then our thought patterns, our belief systems, our emotions, our imagination, memory, intellect—all of these things. And under it can seem like 'under,' but actually prior to all of this, is a beautiful holy place where the Satguru resides, where the true Guru, the true Atma, the true Holy Spirit resides. And if you allow it to take over your life, then it can start to permeate all the other layers of your existence as well, you see.

And your whole existence, your whole life, becomes Atma Maya, Ram Maya. It just gets engrossed, immersed in the holy presence of God, which is what the Atma is. And you start living your life from your spiritual center rather than the mental center of the mind. And the more you live like that, the more you're free from the chains of Maya. You see, the more you go into Maya, the more distant your true life will seem. So in satsang, you get all the tools where you can switch over from a worldly life, from a life of Maya, to a life of true spirituality—a true life, actually.

Have you noticed for yourself, when you are engrossed in the world, then you don't want to pray, you don't want to inquire, you don't want to watch a satsang, you don't want to even hear a bhajan? You don't want to do any of that, you see. But if you have the courage, have the patience, you just switch on a bhajan. Then if it's a bhajan that has really helped you in the path, then that carries that fragrance to pull you within, you see. Then slowly you can switch over, and in a few minutes it'll feel like, 'Ah, that is the alien territory; God's presence is the real life.' And then if you're getting lost too much in Maya again, then again God's presence can seem conceptual: 'Where is it? I was just fooling myself,' you see. Nothing like that.

This is important. Be responsible. All these thought patterns then seem like they are real, and we let go of the true reality, the true presence, the true light in our lives. And it is actually, at the end of the day, up to you to determine. It is up to you to determine what way you want to live. So the sages can only scare us a bit and say, 'Don't waste your life on Maya,' you see, because this opportunity will not come again and again.

I can only scare you a bit by saying that the temple that you're building now to God is going to be your dwelling place after this body is dropped. What you're creating and feeling in your heart today is what you're going to be surrounded with. The home that we make for God—is it unfair that we are asked to live in it? Then I saw some like impressions of unfairness on some faces. So, that's the home we are building for God in our life. We are building our spiritual life brick by brick, you see, and that we are calling metaphorically the Temple of God.

So that Temple of God, we are asking Him to live in the altar there. Why is it a problem if we have to live there after this? We asked Him to live there also. So then what am I saying? I'm saying that what we immerse ourselves in is very, very important. So if you immerse yourself in love, kindness, compassion, faith, humility, helping, loving your brothers and sisters in the world, then your heart temple is filled with a beautiful fragrance inviting God to come. But if you are filling it with your jealousy and resentment and anger and pride and grievances and vengefulness and all of these things, then why is it unfair? You ask God to come still; everybody says, 'Please come.' Then if you have to live there, you don't want to be surrounded by this; you want beautiful fragrance. So what you immerse yourself in now is very, very important, moment to moment. Do you follow as you're guided in the heart, or are you following that which the lawyer for Maya is telling you, which is the mind?

So the tools everyone has, and I'm happy to help if you're having trouble with the prayer, the inquiry, just remaining open and empty—whatever you're using. And if a little bit of whatever I know I can share to help you, but truly the point is to surrender yourself to the Atma within so that it can guide you moment to moment. If you have a sense that this is what life entails, then you will not lose your way.

And whatever path you use—say you use the inquiry, you ask yourself, 'Who am I?' If that 'I' was a phenomenal object, at some point you would find it phenomenally. So 'Who am I?' is helpful because it tries to activate your intuitive insight because you keep discarding that which phenomena is bringing to you, what your mind is telling you, and what your senses are showing you. So the same process exactly happens when we do the Neti Neti also. You're discarding the phenomenal; you're discarding the mental, conceptual, imaginary, memory—all of these layers—and you're waiting for a deeper insight which is beyond perception.

And the same thing happens in the inquiry, in the Neti Neti process, in the prayer also. When you say, 'Please help me, God,' or you're doing your prayer, you're doing your chanting, then you're brought to that same point through the perfume of God's presence to the same point which is beyond phenomenal experience, beyond mental understanding. So the point is to come to this point so that there the Atma within can guide you to the deeper realms, to the deeper insights of truths of reality.

So the point is not to rush to label yourself, see, 'I'm like this and I am like that. I'm only a Jnani, I'm not a Bhakta,' or 'I'm only a Bhakta, I'm not a Jnani.' All these are helpful and sent by God's grace into your life, and whatever guidance you receive from within you can follow, so that we can rest in the holy temple in our heart. And there's a lot of beauty as you immerse yourself in this every day; you'll find more and more beauty.

Like, how beautiful is it? I'm painting a story, but it seems very beautiful to share like that. That God probably realized that His Maya is too strong and He Himself, of course His Consciousness is playing in it, but I'm just painting it in a certain perspective. So He said, 'Okay, now if I was only to be found purely in a Nirguna way, then it would be very, very difficult for someone to snap out of the gravitation of Maya and come to true self-recognition.' So okay, in a Saguna way, as Consciousness itself, as being itself, I can be found. Okay, being itself, unlimited, boundless being. Unlimited, boundless being is also too much for everyone to try and meet. So how about there be a presence which is available to everyone? And this presence is neither fully Saguna, neither fully perceivable, nor fully unperceivable. Your Atma is like that. I sense it in my heart; I sense it.

So that sensing it—you have a sense of presence, you see. The sense of presence is the holy lifeline from God. You just have to follow the sense of presence all the way back home. What is that sense? You can sense it. It's called the primordial vibration. If it was purely Nirguna, then you can't call it a vibration. There's a sense about it. So you can sense your Atma, you can sense the presence of Spirit when you are sufficiently detached from the play of the world. Then this becomes more and more clear to you. As you follow the sense, then the unbounded, unlimited being also you know, but not conceptually. You recognize yourself; your true nature is pure Consciousness. It is boundless, which you cannot perceive—anything which is boundless. And finally, you also find that which is the absolute reality of the Self, of which even boundless or bounded, being or not being—none of these things actually apply. The sheer Nirguna, attributeless nature of your reality is pure awareness you come to.

Suppose then you say that, 'Okay, but even this primordial vibration, I have a sense it is there, but I can't really meet it. So what can I do?' So even for us in that, He has not left us without help. So find that love in your heart and follow its source; it will lead you to that primordial vibration, that holy presence of Atma within. Say, 'I can't find that love also, what do I do?' Then they say, 'Okay, pray. Just close yourself out from the world, just go within yourself. Even if you feel like your heart altar is empty, just sit there and pray.' You may not have any experiences there; it's not necessary that you do, but just pray.

And say, 'Okay, I don't want to pray, all this sounds too mystical and esoteric. I want to do this logically,' you see. So okay, don't pray. Find out who you are. Who is witnessing all of this? Who is aware of all of these perceptions? Find that out. Even for that you'll have to go within, isn't it? So you enclose yourself again, and whether you're doing it in the form of prayer or in the form of powerful self-inquiry, you're asking—whether truly asking with knowledge that I'm asking, or inadvertently—you are asking for the assistance of the Atma within, of the Holy Spirit within. Because the truth can be known only in the light of the Satguru presence, which is another name for the Atma within.

So this is available. Now you may say, 'Okay, but I'm praying, my prayer is not working,' or 'I'm inquiring, my inquiry is not working.' Firstly, we should not say these things unless it's been like ten years or something. I know I said two; okay, catch me later. But you should not get disheartened easily. So at least give it two years before starting to get disheartened and say it's not working. And if after persistent time also it is not working, then pray to be shown: what are the blind spots? What are you still proud about? What are you still thinking you're better than everyone else about? There is some lack of humility, some lack of gratitude, lack of helping compassion that gets in our way.

And in that assistance, then we are shown that we have an image of ourselves which is very elevated, but when we talk to others around us, they don't seem to have that image. And even if they do, we notice—we start to notice for ourselves—the words and the actions that come out of this body-mind, and we start to see ourselves at the receiving end of them. Very often we start to notice ourselves not just as the originator of those actions, but at the receiving end of them, and that cleans up our eyes. So we can see how is it that we are actually using our life, expressing our life, and then that helps us to see more objectively our blind spots that we can't see otherwise.

Once we ask for guidance in this way, then life shows us in so many different ways what is keeping us, holding us back. Sometimes it could just be like spiritual pride, that 'I should have this by now.' Who can say that? See, who is entitled? Like, 'I have prayed for 10,000 years or inquired for 10,000 lifetimes'—does that entitle us to God? It doesn't entitle us. So maybe sometimes we get stuck in those kind of things where we lose our humility. We think that God is an entitlement because of what we have done. But we must remember that our job is to do, is to bow down, is to inquire, is to pray, but ultimately it's all His grace. It's all His will. It's all His will.

And that's actually good news because He is more merciful than just. Have you looked at it this way? Like, probably the scariest image of Jesus is that one day he will come as a judge, isn't it? So if then we should not ask for one that is just, because the judge will judge justly, but that scares us, you see. So we are not looking for justice; we are looking actually for mercy. But we are lucky that He is merciful, and I can tell you that His mercy is so boundless that this...

His will, it's all His will. And that's actually good news because He is more merciful than just. Have you looked at it this way? Like, probably the scariest image of Jesus is that one day he will come as a judge, isn't it? So if then we should not ask for one that is just, because the judge will judge justly, but that scares us, you see. So we are not looking for justice; we are looking actually for mercy. So but we are lucky that He is merciful, and I can tell you that His mercy is so boundless that this foolish boy didn't know any of this also, and yet he kept getting blessing, kept getting blessed in all of this. So if it can happen for this foolish one, all of you are much more sincere, much more dedicated, much more... and what am I saying is happened to this foolish one? Nothing very great or something fantastic, just that He's made Himself known in my heart and that I can't deny. All humility also, I can't deny that, you see, that His presence is here. And in the light of His presence, then that intuitive insight into the nature of our reality is apparent.

But I have to say that in spite of all of this blessing, in spite of undeserved grace—it is undeserved because nowhere, like, and never was I so deeply embedded in my spirituality as I see some of you—and yet He blessed this foolish boy with so much love and grace. But does that mean that I don't fall for the tricks of Maya? It doesn't mean that. In spite of so much grace, on a daily basis I fall for something for a moment. Some pride will come or, maybe many moments, some idea of knowing better will come, of saying that my life should only go like this will come. So that's why I'm saying that the gravitational pull of Maya we can never discount. Fly and say, 'No, no, now I'm in God's presence,' it can never happen. So we have always to remain humble and to say, 'All is God's grace. Thank you, thank you, thank you for what You've done with this life, what You've done with...' And I'm saying for all of you, first you must be grateful that we can even hear about the truth of His presence in this way, because many of our brothers and sisters don't have that. They still think of God as some conceptual idea or some silly, like, fantastical idea of who they think God will be. But the fact of His sheer approachability in our heart, the fact that our heart is meant to be a temple of His presence, most of them don't end up hearing in this life. And even if they hear, they just, you see, the pull of Maya is so much they don't actually... they're not able to actually hear it. When I was exactly there, that boat also, till He pulled me out all by His grace.

So if it can happen here, if it is happening here, then I'm the living testimony to the fact that He is much more merciful than just. And many times we feel like, 'But that sounds so unfair. I wish that He were just.' You see, then ask yourself whether the image of a judging God is scary for you or it's happy for you. Actually, at a point, after a point, you start hoping to be judged. You feel that one day He will come and judge you, so it's not a fearful idea anymore. So then the situation changes, you see. The judgment of God can be looked at in two different ways. One is that you the convict, you see, you're the... what? Plaintiff? Accused. Accused, accused. You're the accused and He's like in a criminal court, and you're the accused in the witness chamber and He's judging you. But that can change into you are going to the judge for mercy, for His judgment, that the tormentor called Maya, the tormentor called the mind is oppressing my life, please judge me. I want only You. Please judge justly and remove this one from my life.

So in the olden days, then people used to go to the kings for justice, isn't it? That this is happening, he has taken my land, or he is not living up to his end of the bargain, we had a trade deal. So the king would then resolve things. So there's nothing really to be scared about God's judgment because He is the most merciful and just, but thankfully more merciful than just. You see how many different ways we can look at the same thing? And in the light of the Atma within, you will learn to shine a true light into all of this. But the number one advice probably I have for all of you is that don't try to do your spirituality, whether even if it is fully like Gyan-based or whatever, without the assistance of God, without His helping hand. Many can fall into that trap. They start to see it like a process of natural science in the world, that 'I will ask myself 10,000 times who am I, then like a scientific experiment, something, you know, some chemical reaction will happen and will produce a compound called Absolute Reality.' It doesn't work like that. Because without His grace, without His presence, firstly nothing will happen. So the Satguru within has to reveal itself for us, and in His guidance, then we can come to that.

And then you can't... that's also very important, because you cannot claim any achievement based on that. 'Yeah, I'm self-realized.' What is self-realized? I realize what my Self is. God-realized? I realize that God's presence is here, isn't it? Now if that happens ultimately as a result of grace, then what is there for one to say, 'Oh, I am self-realized, I am...'? That's sheer silliness, isn't it? So you must not fall into any of those traps. And the second thing is that when your heart is hard, you see, when you're being selfish, when you're being proud, then your self-realization goes, your God-realization goes, because it's a moment-to-moment thing. Nobody can say that 'I am forever self-realized or God-realized,' because if you blocked your heart, if you hardened your heart, then intuitive insight is not flowing. It is relying on some memory of something. And the thing is that the Nirguna nature of reality you can never store in your memory. What is awareness in your memory? Like a dark room, like a dark empty place? That is not awareness. So you cannot say it like, 'I climbed Mount Everest,' so you have a photo to show or a badge or a certificate or a medal. You can't use that. It has to be moment to moment. Is your Self being recognized this moment? Then you are self-realized for this moment. Is God's presence apparent to you in this moment? Then in this moment you are God-realized. But the next moment when you're being... and you're taking yourself to be a body-mind and you got involved in some anger, pride, silliness, whatever, then is God real for you? No, you left Him behind. Then what is the God-realization? You're not. You're being like as if you are a bucket of meat, you see. So you're bucket-of-meat-realized, not God-realized for that moment.

So there is no... so that's why, unlike in the worldly ways, this is very different. So in the world people are still chasing enlightenment certificates and certificates of true insight and all of that. All of that doesn't apply. Who is a true teacher? Who should be teaching, who should not be teaching? One who is telling the truth is the true teacher. Like if they're sharing with integrity, they are a true teacher. One who's lying is a false teacher. Lying, making up stuff, exaggerating—like that kind of stuff is a false teacher. That's all. As long as you teach from what is the living insight for you, you can share. So don't get involved in all these nonsensical things. Remember that Maya has a million employ to pull you in, and it has many, many, many spiritual plans, you see. All that sounds spiritual is not spiritual. Only that which takes you to Spirit and helps you deepen there is spiritual. Just the topic of spirituality doesn't make anything spiritual. Does it come from Spirit? Does it lead to Spirit? Getting a sense of what I'm saying is giving you more and more tools so that you don't fall for the tricks of Maya.

Yeah, maybe I'm misunderstanding you, Ananta, but you always speak on the level of time and me. Why?

Yeah, maybe, maybe it's just I'm foolish. But also it could be that the help that we need is because we take the level of time and me to be here. Because if you can explore, the one that could be even misunderstanding this, is that at the level of time? Or the one who's trying to understand this, is he beyond the level of time and me? Like this concern about this appearance called Ananta is appearing in time, and there's apparently a 'me' that is trying to understand what he's saying, and there's apparently a 'you' which is Ananta. If you left it behind, then we can talk differently maybe, or maybe we don't need to talk at all. But it is very important to not just... and what I'm ranting against constantly is like a lip-service spirituality. We come into satsang and only say the absolute thing, but our life is not like that. We don't live like that. We are quick to anger, quick to hold grudges, quick to become proud, quick to pick up the 'me'. Let me not say 'I am Maya' because I still am that. So it seems true to me to share in this way as now.

And if you actually look at it, what are we being pointed to? So Bhagavan said, and he is the embodiment of pure Advaita, so he said to us, 'Remain or abide as the Self.' Who is he telling? The Self is abiding as the Self. So who must remain or abide? So whether we say remain open or empty, abide as the Self, Papaji says 'Keep quiet'—who is he saying that to? Consciousness. So that Consciousness which is speaking to Consciousness. And if you are attracted to that kind of... you can get that book from me, I can send it to you. There's a book called 'Consciousness Speaking with Consciousness'. But even in that, why does Consciousness need to speak with Consciousness? Because it's like the process of, like, leakage that happens in Consciousness. It's like a drop which takes itself to be different from the ocean by saying 'I am something'. And all spiritual instruction is for that 'I am something'. Because what is to be said to 'I Am'? What is that, you see? So that one which is Consciousness itself, then Consciousness itself reminds it to look back within. That's why the metaphor of the folded mirror, where on both sides of the mirror is the mirror, is the Consciousness. Or the snake eating its own tail. Who is the snake and where is the tail? One snake. Isn't this tail of Maya rattling too much? So then the snake starts to eat itself and you see, you notice these things experientially of how your separate identity, individuality starts to merge more and more and more. And maybe we'll all come to that point one day where everyone is so deeply engrossed, immersed in their true nature that Maya is not functioning for them. And maybe I'll be the only one left, the foolish boy who still gets caught up in the traps. Then a different audience may come.

This is a very important question to ask, very important question to ask. Because if you don't ask, then many times we can just hold it within ourselves and somehow we start resenting, isn't it? So it's very good to just ask and say, 'What's happening, Ananta? Like, you've told us for years, aren't I just pure Consciousness, pure awareness?' Then... but even those times the inquiry was offered for whom? So good to ask and check: are we free from time and space? What is our day-to-day life like? Yes, of course. So then we can allow ourselves to deepen away from this kind of conclusive mental, conceptual spirituality. Maybe we're just making a defense mechanism out of our mental conclusions, which may be as a result of true insight. From true insight, what does the mind want to do? It wants to build a position for you. It doesn't want you to remain in just sheer insight. It wants to make that into a conceptual understanding or add that to your narrative thing that, 'Oh, five years ago I saw that I'm pure awareness and I'm enlightened.' Then after that is... who is enlightened? Who are you talking about? Who saw? All those questions go away, isn't it? So all the false claims also have no place.

So most important is to have integrity with yourself. Have integrity with yourself because life will always show you. Then what people do—I've seen so many of them—is that they're actually suffering inside, feeling a lot of grievances, resentment, all of these things inside.

Saying that, 'Oh, five years ago I saw that I'm pure awareness and I'm enlightened,' then after that, who is enlightened? Who are you talking about? All those questions go away, isn't it? So all the false claims also have no place. So most important is to have integrity with yourself. Have integrity with yourself because life will always show you. Then what people do, I've seen so many of them, that they're actually suffering inside, feeling a lot of grievances, resentment, all of these things inside, but they got so stuck in the egoic 'I am that' position that they're no longer working on themselves because they got stuck in that conceptual idea of 'I am that,' not living the true insight of being that moment to moment. So be careful of these tricks of Maya. Be very careful of this because this is how, on the way to coming to the feet of Ram, we can become Ravana.

Beautiful thing you heard the other day, that Ram Ji was aware of his pride and Ravana was proud of his knowledge. So, knowledge of pride versus pride of knowledge. It's very tricky to say. So, and I want to also stretch it further and say that if you don't have knowledge of your pride, then you have pride of your knowledge. It's a blind spot, you see, because this pride hides better than anything else in the world.

Getting rid of pride will be the outcome of... so getting rid of pride is practically impossible if I try to eliminate it by giving up pride. But yeah, it's impossible. Sometimes I feel humbled down. If you see Hanuman, he's saying 'Jai Shri Ram' to the one who is standing in front of him. His friend Lakshman G is saying to his brother... I cannot imagine in any life I can tell to my friend 'Jai Shri Ram.' I will tell to my brother that he is my brother, and that is ruled out, Father, isn't it?

Okay, few things to say. May we all be blessed, firstly, with a life like that. It would be so beautiful to have that, that God incarnate is in front of us as a brother or as a friend or something. So something happens that we recognize at a deeper place. And we'll come to the question of pride in a moment, but how is it that Lakshman G is able to say 'Jai Shri Ram' to a brother who's older? It's strange, no? In the world, to be a devotee of your biological brother seems quite strange, you see. But something in the heart must be showing, something in the heart must be confirming. And for someone who's seen him at such close range to have not a doubt about his reality as an incarnation of God is a beautiful testament to Ram himself and also to the openness of Lakshman G also.

But on the question of pride, 'How do I get rid of it?' That's a very beautiful question. Firstly, it's a blind spot, so we don't even know what we are still proud about, you see. Secondly, if I notice, also, it just doesn't go. So I've been talking about the pretense that comes here when I'm sharing satsang, and I'm really working on that constantly. There, just like some 'teacher mode' comes, like some 'Oh, you must listen to me' mode comes, you know? Because I'm sharing and I know what I'm talking about. But if I really look, I have no idea. So all that I can do is be available for the Atma within to use this instrument. But many times I get in the way, and that becomes a mask, a pretense, you see.

So what can I do? First is to accept that it's true, notice it for ourselves, then just sit in the temple of the heart. Just sit in His presence. Life keeps healing all of this. All this happens. So as you're sitting in God's presence, as you're sitting in true insight of what you really are, then that sort of cleans us up. Cleans us. And any time as the cleaning happens, we don't even realize how much is cleaned up. Then we meet somebody after some time and they say, 'Ah, but you were like that, now you're not like this,' hopefully. And hopefully in a good way, I mean. So we notice, 'Yeah, I used to get very concerned about this. I used to pick up a lot of grievances or anger or resentment about these things. Now it doesn't bother me.' We learn to let go more and more.

And it happens like 99.9% of the transformation will happen in the silent presence of the Atma within, and only even less than 0.1% will happen through the words of satsang. And I have to say that even the presence, being in the presence together like this, deepens us in a much deeper way than just what we are conceptually understanding in hearing the words. So like this, you see, it goes.

Hanuman has a very tough time, you know some of the backstory? There are, of course, hundreds of these stories, but the history that I am aware of is that he was really praying to Shiva himself, and Shiva agreed to become his teacher. And Shiva said to him—someone sent me this actually first—so Shiva said to him, 'Who are you, Hanuman?' So Hanuman said, 'I am this one's son, I am this one's son, I belong to this.' He's saying, 'No, I'm not asking your lineage, I'm asking you who you are.' So he says, 'I am a vanara.' He's saying, 'I'm not asking for your species, you see. I'm asking who are you?' He says... and of course then all the names. 'I'm not asking for your name, I'm not asking for any of that.'

So Lord Shiva gave him the guidance that he must find out who he is. So then Hanuman G tried for a long time, just kept asking, 'Who am I? Who am I?' And in that process, whatever pride may have been there got completely extinguished. And at one point he was completely on his knees, literally praying to Lord Shiva. Then Lord Shiva said to him that, 'You really tried, you really inquired deeply, and you've done very well, and your pride is broken. But now you have to wait for Hari to come, and with him you will learn the path of Bhakti because you learned the path of Gana and still your heart is not fully satisfied. So you will now learn the path of Bhakti because your true Master is going to come, your true Lord is going to come in the form of Ram.'

So then from then—this is much before the birth of Ram—from then Hanuman G has been waiting for Ram to come. And when he sees him, he realizes that 'This is my Master,' and then his life is fulfilled because both the wings, as Bhagavan said, of Gana and Bhakti are now fulfilled, and he comes to his true function in life and true place in life. So this way, like, is the Atma or... you see, you can't see. It's God's presence. It is everything, and it knows how to use everything for those who are truly open to its light. And then it knows how to heal us. It knows how to take away our pride, make us humble, make us faithful, all the right ingredients. Make us contemplative, full of inquiry, make us loving, full of servitude, faith, everything.

That is why it's very different from... the discipleship of the Atma is very different from getting a Master's degree. For a Master's degree you will say, 'Okay, now this is my specialization, I will do finance with investment banking or something like that, or I will do science with this same thing.' But the discipleship, the spiritual discipleship of the Holy Spirit, of the Satguru presence, is much broader and it's a constant deepening, a constant learning. So we must never close ourselves fully. Fully surrender your life to the arms of the Atma within. Let yourself go, then it will carry you every moment in such beautiful ways. Because our mind will restrain us to a conceptual idea of spirituality, and soon you'll forget about God.

What is the symptom of a lip-service spirituality? God is forgotten. It's just about me and my insight, but true surrender is forgotten. We don't remember that everything is His grace. So break these boundaries, break these concepts: 'I am like this, I am this, this is my path, this is what I do.' Just, 'I'm in the tutelage of God's spirit, of God's presence,' that's all.

One Pandit Mahani came to have an argument with Mira Bai. So he was like, 'Are you stupid? You're saying that this small idol of Krishna is your Giridhar Gopal, is God? What are you saying? Don't you know He is that Nirguna, He is that Ultimate Reality? You must drop this foolishness.' Which many of us have this tendency to do because we get trapped in this, because we say 'pure awareness,' 'Ultimate Reality,' 'Absolute.' Seeing those terms, we can just latch on to them very easily. So then Mira Bai gave him a full upadesh of Brahma-gyan things she shared with him. And with the perfume of true insight that she shared with him, he realized that it's not foolish at all. The love for God, the servitude to God, helps us deepen in our insight. There is no insight without love.

And the same story happened with everyone. Tulsidas Ji also, people laughed at him saying, 'True scriptures are written in Sanskrit, what have you written? This Avadhi language, local language.' Over and over he had to prove himself. So don't get into any sort of pride either way, either of Gana or Bhakti. Some question is asked on Buddhism, Buddha. So what is that Buddha nature? What is that Buddha nature? You must come to a true Buddha nature. You don't come to your true Buddha nature if you don't have reverence for Buddha. Then would there be a Buddhist?

This is the same thing about Nagarjuna. If you would say, 'Is there God?' he would say, 'No.' 'Is there anything like Consciousness?' 'No.' 'Is there anything at all like worthy of reverence?' 'No.' 'Is there anything worthy of irreverence?' 'No.' Everything was 'No,' you see. So then people got very upset and said to him, 'If everything is no, there is no Buddha, there is no God, there is everything you say no, no, no, then why are you still a Buddhist? Why do you identify as a Buddhist? Why do Buddhists come to you?' So he said to the attacker that, 'Brother, you're misunderstanding what I'm saying, because any concept that you grasp on to will then prevent you from meeting your true Buddha nature.' So he was like a radical 'neti-neti' type teacher, you see, which doesn't mean that they don't have reverence for God, because a true Buddha nature is full of reverence for the Satguru presence within him. But he realized that anytime we grasp on conceptually to things, then they will become impediments. So it's like a neti-neti. But there's no spirituality without spirit. All the beautiful chants to Tara, to all the gods, all came out of Buddhism. Very beautiful things.

There's no true religion without reverence, without faith. To be intuitive, you have to have faith. To know that there's something beyond the perceivable needs faith to start with, otherwise the world only seems real.

Yeah, like I had gone with my uncle, my aunt, my cousin somewhere we had gone and, of course, without spirit you can't do spirituality. And I had to talk to them, I was talking to them, I was doing stuff. So my question is, in the interim when you want to be spiritual but the spirit isn't there, is it a bad thing to just, you know, like go the usual way? Like just use the mind? Or should I have been kept trying to find this? I don't know. I mean, I don't know how that would look like.

What I said is that as long as you are speaking the truth of your living insight, your living experience, it's fine. You can share. So even the endeavor, if you say that, 'I'm in an endeavor to find the presence of the Atma within and these are the tools that I'm using, as I've heard in the satsang that I've come to, or from my reading or from meeting sages, this is what I've learned,' then that is our spirituality. I mean, like talking in the world, if you go and notice, most spiritual teachers are not saying that 'I met the...' they're not saying that. But they're saying that this is how we can meet it: by reading the scripture, by doing the chanting, by doing inquiry. Very few are actually saying that they have come to that realization or recognition. Does that make it a fake spirituality? It doesn't. But if they were to lie about it, you see, and say this and that, and just coming from pride, then that would make it a fake spirituality.

I don't mean talking about spirituality. I mean actually wanting to be... I might not talk about the topic of spirituality, but I have to do things. I have to do things.

No, this... tell me again. You were with your uncle and aunt, uncles, aunt, cousins, and then you wanted to be spiritual in that...

Recognition—does that make it a fake spirituality? It doesn't. But if they were to lie about it, you see, and say this and that, and just coming from pride, then that would make it a fake spirituality. I don't mean talking about spirituality; I mean actually wanting to be spiritual. I might not talk about the topic of spirituality, but I have to do things. I have to do things, no? Tell me again, you were with your uncle and aunt, cousins, and then you wanted to be spiritual in that process, huh?

I had to do... I was in their company and ideally, I would want to be connected with the spirit and follow what the spirit says. Yeah, or just to be in the company of spirit. And if that's not happening, should my sole attempt be to keep doing the prayer or inquiry and not just have chitchat or just getting into random chitchat and all that? I don't know what I'm saying, is that making sense?

Yes, yes. I feel like in a way you're saying, 'Can I leave God's presence or my attempt to be in His presence to be involved in that?' No. Whatever needs to be done in that role-playing at that moment will also come from there. If you have the intention to be with God and people have come to your house, they are visiting you, then God may allow, may give you the words to speak, may allow those interactions to happen. In fact, all the roles that we seem to do, we only do by His system, but we take credit for them ourselves. We actually don't know even what to say next, what to do next. Nothing. We don't know.

Like a mother doesn't know how to bring up their child, but when the child is born, then something from within guides them, shows them, 'This is how, this is how.' So the one that is beating your heart, that is making the million processes happen in your body, He will also put whatever is required in that moment in your mouth, whatever actions need to happen. So that is the trust you need. You just trust that. Don't worry about the outcome. 'What will they think of me? I hope I don't say something wrong.' Don't worry. And with uncle and aunt, you're usually safe because they don't want to hear you; they just want to speak to you. You're fine.

And being withdrawn, in the sense not being sociable, that's the thing that's recommended? To try to reconnect?

Naturally present and listening. Most people are happy. Like, how many of us really want to hear another one? Let's not even talk about them, let's talk about ourselves. How many of us want to hear from our nephews and nieces and brothers and sisters? We don't want to hear. We want a window to be heard much more than what we want to hear. So if you are just an open presence, available and listening, then that's more than enough for most situations. And if something needs to be spoken, then He will provide that also. But we can't leave. He never leaves us. He doesn't say, 'I have more important things to do.' Then who are we to leave? Stay with Him and see, you know, what happens. See if your life becomes robotic and people think you're stupid. And if actually this was the maximum risk you were to take to be with God, then such a worthwhile risk—that the world will think I'm stupid, I don't say the right things because I'm in God's presence.

That's all for you: to build the temple to God in your heart and to forever live in His presence. If that's all you needed, that's not such a big deal. But if you can't even do that, then what are we risking? How risk-free can our spirituality be? You would risk it for money. See, uncle and auntie are coming, but if I have a business meeting and I can make some 50 lakhs in that business meeting, then you will tell your uncle and auntie, 'I have work, I'm going.' Easy. So you're not then worried about, 'Okay, how will I look? They'll think I'm rude,' whatever. But because it's 50 lakhs. So for money we will do it, but for God we won't. We are scared of spoiling our image for God, but we are okay to spoil it for other things which are just ephemeral things of the world.

Then, so how rich do you have to be? Suppose somebody was a billionaire, can they buy God's presence? You're the richest one. Like they say at one point, these Rockefellers or something, could they just go somewhere and buy God's presence? 'Come, I'll give you all my wealth, you give me God's presence.' Can they go to any temple like that, any church like that, any place of worship and buy God's presence? No. Different wealth. And I'm not saying... I know that you're not that attached to money, but I'm saying generally in the world it's so upside down. No matter what material possessions we have, no matter what we've built up in this life, no matter how our body looks, it cannot be exchanged for God's presence. You may be the most wealthy, you may be the most good-looking, you may be the most whatever, but you cannot exchange that. Go to God and say, 'You take this and give me Your presence.' It just won't work. So it's a completely different type of wealth that you need to build, and that is the only wealth which is eternal.

So don't neglect that. Don't negate that for anything at all, because we don't have much time. Do this first. That's why it's very important: start your day with God's presence. No matter what else, come to His light, come to His presence. Then you see that it's easier to stay with Him throughout the day as well. But if you keep postponing Him for later, would you be okay if He postponed you for later? This beautiful thing, Judas found, or Jesus waiting at a cafe, did you? So they say he's just waiting for us, and we show up and we're just like, so half-hearted, and then we just like mumble some prayer just for namesake and we go away. And then Jesus says, 'Okay, maybe tomorrow.' And again next day also we do the same thing. 'Maybe tomorrow.' Isn't this our usual approach to spirituality? Everything else is more important, but God can wait.

Father, yesterday I went for a movie and it's called Inside Out 2.

Inside Out 2, okay. I've seen the first one.

It's very beautiful. In this movie it talks about beliefs, okay? So emotions, beliefs, thoughts, and consciousness. It should say that. And I was wondering, I asked my kids after that what they were talking about, but they stopped at that. Beliefs. And the beliefs of that girl are making her personality. And very nice to really... something got seeded, and how the beliefs are there. Their beliefs are seeded through the memories, this picturing everything.

Okay. So prioritize God number one. The temple in your heart where you expect Him to stay. What if one day you're asked to stay there forever? The beautiful scene at the end of the original Ramayan that was made in India, the TV show, where when Ram Ji is leaving after thousands of years, they say that there was Ram Rajya. And if you don't include that Uttara Ramayan stuff, which I don't... I'm not a fan of, but then the original Ramayan, it said that there was heaven on earth, Ram Rajya, for thousands of years. And then there was finally time to leave. So as He was going, all His bhaktas also went with Him. They also went with Him and they found a place with Him. In the show, they showed them becoming like devas and they went with Him. So I was just feeling like, where will they stay after they go with Him? God will probably give them a house just like we have given Him in our lives. How would that be unfair? It's a question worth contemplating.

So that is why the word 'unseizing' or all the sages in India use the word 'nirantar'—it is very important. It's very important. Whatever your path, whatever you feel guided to—prayer, inquiry, empty, whatever the Masters told you—but we are not to stop. When we decide we are not to stop, then Maya will make us stop half the time anyway. But if we say we will do it halfway, then nothing will happen. It becomes just a half-hearted spirituality. And there's very little time left. I don't mean to be morbid at all, I'm just telling you that we start to see the limited life that we have remaining more and more. So go through that struggle of unseizing prayer, unseizing inquiry, unseizing whatever, unseizing God basically. Because in that you will see how much free from Maya you really are. Otherwise your mind also sometimes convinces you that, 'Yeah, yeah, just I, awareness, nothing is happening.'

If you truly try to be empty all the time and you're observing, then you'll see. If you truly try to pray all the time and you're observing, then you'll see. Try to inquire all the time and you'll see how many things you believe but don't. Like an ostrich, not do it, just presuming. Bhagavan, after his enlightenment experience as a young boy, then did tapas for many years to the extent that ants were eating his body and all of that. Why? He already saw he couldn't die, he's a deathless reality. What does it mean to do anything? Because of this whole field of Maya which keeps pulling us back in. And the beauty of the ways of God is that prayer teaches you more how to pray, inquiry teaches you more how to inquire.

First time you ask 'Who am I?', nobody knows what to do. We may all have read the books, you see, but when we start, we don't know. Like we ask 'Who am I?' now, then the thought comes, 'Oh, who's witnessing this thought?' Okay, then what is supposed to happen? I don't know. So nobody knows. But as you keep at it, even that needs so much faith, isn't it? Even the Jnana path surprisingly needs so much faith because you feel like, 'Oh, something will happen,' but you can't see anything happening. You're just like, 'Okay, who am I?' Now, is some angel going to come and tell me? Like, what is meant to happen? So many times inquiry is like that. But as you keep at it day after day, day after day, then you start getting a sense. You start getting a sense that something is transforming within and I'm getting an insight into that which is beyond perception, beyond something that I can ever fathom. And then life seems to be transformed in that process.

We recognize that we are not something which is material, not something which is phenomenal. And then do they stop, the insights? No, they always continue. You start to realize that time and space are notional. Start to realize that this world appearance is very flimsy; it's just on the surface level. You are much deeper than that. So much insight keeps flowering just if your focus is on God, then all this reveals itself. Or if your focus is, to put it another way, just on finding the truth.

I have this fear right now that I have to be away from satsang, I have to be with parents and work. Yeah. So how can I be nirantar and constant during such situations? I think that's the apprehension I've been having. Just needed your guidance. Say the last part again... I mean, that's the apprehension I've been having because I've been having this anxiety that what will happen if I leave satsang and you? And the thing is, the situation with work, there's a founder coming from the US and all that, so something like that. And also with parents, sometimes it can be a bit challenging. So I think we're talking about the difficult relationships, you know? Sometimes but you tend to rely more on God, you know, when you have such relations. Yeah, so that's beautiful that you shared the other day. Needed your guidance on that.

Yes, of course. I shared this example one time—and I have to first say, because one day he'll see the recording—so my son is really sweet, most of you met him also. And in spite of growing up in his age, he continues to be very, very sweet, very gentle, very sweet. So now if he's watching a cricket match and he calls me like, 'I was missing you, I want to talk to you. Are you watching the match? Let's watch together,' something like that. It's nice. You feel like, 'Oh, my son loves me, he called me,' and it's, you know, it's nice, we're spending some time together. So in that case, we could constantly watch the match together; it's completely fine. But suppose that he was having a very busy day at work, and in that busy day at work with all these meetings, all the things that are happening, then twice in that day he just remembered me and said, 'Love you, Pa.' No? Then I would feel like, you know, this one has more value.

Watch a match together, something like that. It's nice. You feel like, 'Oh, my son loves me. He called me.' And it's, you know, it's nice we're spending some time together. So in that case, we could constantly watch a match together; it's completely fine. But suppose that he was having a very busy day at work, and in that busy day at work with all these meetings, all the things that are happening, then twice in that day he just remembered me and said, 'Love you, Pa.' No? Then I would feel like, you know, this one has more value somewhere, you see? So don't worry about that, about your life situations and things. In fact, the harder they are, you see, and still you make that little effort, He knows. See, He knows. Yeah.

So if you're fully in something where you can't focus and yet you turn to Him and said—and you had this thing that, 'Oh, you know, I can't do it all day and yet now I have this opportunity, I can just pray for a minute'—then that is of great value, you see? Because there is nobody who's aware of the life situation and context more than Him, you see? So we can trust Him with that. If we are being true and we are just truly making every attempt in our heart, but something is so, like, important and engaging and things like that, and yet in the middle of all that drama and the worldly Maya, we just... that is valuable then, see? But if nothing is happening and you're like, 'All right, you know, I'm with family, what to do?' you know, then you know for yourself, no? That you just know that... then that also He knows. Like we know, He knows much more. So that's it. If you're just being true to yourself, if you're not being half-hearted, you don't have to worry.

Sometimes when you're at work and there's some meeting and some topics come up and, you know, something like that, for like half an hour you may forget, but then you remember. But that... many times I've noticed this, even while reading, that when I remember Him, then the sweetness I feel in my heart, the presence I feel in my heart, is so much more, oh, you see, than when I'm just sitting and then like that. So...

So that He takes care of. He's not unjust at all.

Sometimes we do not know why a situation arises. So I do have a tough time sometimes with my dad especially, so... because he is totally not at all into spirituality. But the thing is that the beauty of this path, of true spirituality, is that it's all happening inwardly. So you're sitting with whoever—suppose they're the most skeptical, you're sitting with Richard Dawkins himself, huh?—and you are just talking to him. He's talking about being an atheist, all of that, but inwardly opening to God, he doesn't know. How does it matter? You see what I'm saying? That's good news, that it's all internal.

Yeah, true. It's about your heart. It's about your inward journey, your deepening inwardly.

Actually, my concern truly was that now that there was a point when the deepening was really happening, where I could really see the alive discipleship of God itself, and now suddenly this situation is coming. So again, it's my fear, you know? I know that it's directly from the mind, but still just wanted to share this.

Use it as experiments, as time to see what happens. Can I be empty? Can I be open and empty even when all this thing is happening around me? Is it that I have to pretend to be normal and interested in things? Parents will sometimes put that kind of pressure. So during all that happening, you see, does He come to my assistance, give me the right words to speak? Just in whatever situation, remember to start your day with God. Then that perfume will... very good... and that perfume will carry through also through the day. Your intention is most important. So your intention to be with God is as good as being with Him.

One may be starting off on the journey; they may not even know what to do, but they saw a video on YouTube about God and something just clicked in their heart, but they don't have the tools yet. They don't, but they have the intention. They have the feeling that, 'I want to know more about this.' That is also true spirituality. There one may be sitting fully in samadhi where the whole universe has disappeared for them, you see? Even their breath is still, you see? But they're also same for me. They are the same. The intention to be with God and fully being empty of the... the dissolution of the universe is happening for you and you're fully in His light and presence, all His grace. For me, both are the same, actually. Because our job is to turn towards Him. To turn towards Him with the tools that we've been provided. The rest, the outcome, is all His anyway.

So when you get fully busy and all of this, can you turn a few times every hour? Everybody can, if you're really interested. Suppose you had fallen in love with a boy, then even though you would be in those work meetings, you would remember him or something like that. Can we remember God? And you know, the beauty of this is that He always lays out the best situations for us. The best situation. Things which seem unsolvable. I had so many situations where I felt like, 'Oh, now this will keep me busy or stuck or something like that,' and within days everything changes. Just changes. You don't know how He works. So coming... the more we develop this faith, this trust, the more you see this transformation in your life.

Tomorrow you... one thing, sorry, my heart is just coming to say is that, you know, the beautiful thing about the Atma within is that it loves God in every way. So it brings us true insight of our nature as pure awareness, gives us the right questions to ask in our contemplation. So in our sadhana also, we need the right questions to ask. But it also loves to pray. It loves to chant, loves hearing God's name, saying God's name. It loves bhajans, devotional... it loves our random conversations with God. Loves all these things. So you just leave it to Him. He will really guide you so beautifully. And we will not categorize ourselves too strongly in any way. And wherever you go, He's with you. He is you, of course, but for the moment it will seem like He's with you. Yes, very important. Just carry a reminder on your hand, like have a mala or something. Won't upset them too much. Find something which won't upset, but every time you look at it...

Starting the day with God... I had this impression that just you meet God first, then you go ahead with your day, however it would happen. But I guess your intent is to just hand over the entire day to Him once you've met Him, then?

Yeah, because at least I've noticed that you could go to sleep with the light of His presence so strong, so like even with the sense that this can never leave, and then you wake up—and I'm talking about myself—you wake up and it feels like dead weight inside you. Just like, what happened to all that light, all that love, all that? But the good thing is that those of us who get used to returning to His presence, then we know inwardly, without being able to put in words, how we do it, you see? Like our breath changes, some prayer comes or some inquiry comes, something just happens that... like that. And sometimes it takes a minute or two, sometimes it can take longer time, but we return there. So once you return there, then we have to stay in that for the rest of the day. Stay in that unceasing prayer, unceasing inquiry, whatever way you call it, throughout the day. So you're not saying, 'I meet Him first and then I leave Him and do my things then return.' You start off and you just... yeah. And let... yeah.

But many times what will happen is if you say, 'I won't start because I'm busy, I have to do these things,' then the Maya will just... can sometimes take your whole day. And at the end of the day, you may realize that the whole day went and you were just in worldly stuff. That's true. To start off is very good. You are all starting... you are seeing some of this in your lives. Let's go to Kisha.

Oh, sorry. Hello. I'm glad that you didn't see the hands for a while because it allowed me to really see, like, some conditioning here and to sit with that, which I didn't do well with. So, yeah. Um, with the prayer, I've been saying the prayer more often, more frequently and more intensely, and it's really amazing to see how much resistance can come through it even while doing it. And I'm just so sick of not doing it that I just want to use all that stubbornness to just keep going. Because, yeah, I don't want to live like this anymore, you know, pretending and oscillating. And I see with the deepening of the prayer, there's also such a deepening of seeing conditioning really clearly, and it's not comfortable.

And you had mentioned entitlement when talking to me once, and I had to look it up, but there's entitlement here. And sometimes hate comes up and sometimes anger and all those things. And your contemplation you brought today to all of us came up for me as well: Are we a place where we want God to live forever? Do we even want to live in ourselves forever? And it's a sure big 'no' for me. Like, I would not want to choose me. I would not choose me and would not live in me. And it's not enough to have insights here and there; they're beautiful, yeah. And it's not enough to have spiritual experiences; they're beautiful too. But I don't just want that. Like, if I could do anything, I would get rid of all of that just to have Him live in me without any fireworks forever. And I'm so far from it, Father. I'm so far from it, and I can't apologize enough. I know there's so much wrong with me and sometimes I pretend and it's not true, and I can say all the right things, but I want to live with Him, you know? I really do.

Very, very good. Very good. Some things I want to say about this is that beautiful report. And I know some of you will feel like this is too self-deprecating or something like that, but there are two places from which a report like this can come. Hear this part everyone carefully. Like, one is that this kind of report can come in the world—rejected or depressed or despised—then this kind of report can come saying that 'I'm not worthy.' And many of us have had these lamentations that 'I'm just not worthy, I'm just not... why will God ever want to come for me?' That is one place where this kind of report could come.

But there's a second place where we start to experience His love, His purity, His grace, His presence, and we start to contrast that with our lives. And from this place, the greatest sages who have ever lived in this world have said that we are the most foolish, unworthy, stupid beggars. So there's a difference literally of heaven and hell between these two places, you see? One is a very worldly sort of thing saying, 'Oh no, what this and that,' and that changes very quickly and it becomes pride also very quickly. Just one minute back we could... next minute we could be saying, 'But I'm better than everyone.' That's a worldly thing.

But when we are starting to deepen in our heart, we encounter something that is so astoundingly pure that we look at our life and our ways and we have to say, 'But this is such pure foolishness.' And that is the place. That is the place where great sages like Tulsidas Ji have said that they are the worst of the worst, the worst of the worst. In every tradition we find these. Saint Teresa of Avila said that she is the most foolish, biggest sinner. The greatest sages in all traditions say that, but it's hugely different, you see? So it is my hope and it is my blessing that your report that is coming today is coming from this place of starting to meet this which is so astoundingly, stunningly beautiful in your heart that when we look at our pride, when we look at our one-upmanship, when we look at our wanting to get attention, then we see that that is just so, so foolish compared to God's light, which is so loving and humble and faithful independent of all of these things that happen in our life.

So it is the heart of the Bhakta also which can recognize the difference between the purity of God's light and the way that we have been living. And this is very helpful because in this, our blind spots cannot hide. In this, our blind spots cannot hide.

When we look at our one-upmanship and we look at our wanting to get attention, then we see that that is just so, so foolish compared to God's light, which is so loving and humble and faithful, independent of all of these things that happen in our life. So it is the heart of the bhakta also which can recognize the difference between the purity of God's light and the way that we have been living. And this is very helpful because in this, our blind spots cannot hide. In this, our blind spots cannot hide. So it is a meeting of true with true humility. That is very, very good. That is the first thing, you see, because when we are on our knees like this, we are the most fertile ground for His presence to reveal itself. And that to be on our knees is only possible in this true humility.

So that is the first part of this. The second part of this is that even with all the faith in the universe, all the humility in the world, all the good things, unceasing prayer, never forgetting, not all things being blessed—is it but for His presence, His light to reveal itself and to live in our heart is always going to be up to His grace? See, it's always going to be up to His grace. And His grace takes care of all of His children, all of His children. Just know this. His grace is like a rain. If it's raining in the city of Bangalore, anybody living in Bangalore can get wet in the rain. It is not more for somebody and less for anybody else.

But what He does do is that at the earliest point of time—and I'm presuming, I'm nobody to speak on His behalf, but whatever little experience I have, this is what I've seen—the earliest possible opportunity to give you whatever is the highest for you, He gives you. He is not waiting for the latest possible chance; He's waiting for the earliest possible chance. What does that mean? He knows what gift will have what effect on us, what will make us complacent, what will make us proud, what will make us what. So He knows really well, and we can trust Him with that knowledge much better than we can create a plan for us. He is unfolding a plan for us, so we must trust His love. If there is so much love in biological relationships in the world, biological parents and children, we can't even imagine how much God loves us. So always trust His love, faith, and grace.

And you're right that we can never do this and we will never be worthy grounds for His light to live, but He knows how to clean us up as well, you see. We just have to keep offering ourselves up over and over again. Keep offering ourselves up. Say that, "My heart belongs only to You, Father. My heart belongs only to You, Lord God." And you see that He cleans us up. Whatever is needed to be done, He does. But at least you're breaking out of like a prideful place, all of us, where we just feel like, "No, we've had insight, we've had experiences, we are..." You see, just this lip-service spirituality which I have been ranting against for like now almost two years. I feel like we are starting to see the fruits of that process of transformation that was happening here, as well as continuing to happen here, is now happening to all of us.

So we are starting to see that it is so important to be unceasing in our faith, to be unceasing in our worship, to be unceasing in our inquiry, in our insight. And that is why this ever-deepening... we never know how deep this goes and where it will take us. If it was up to all of us, we would say, "Okay, now who is aware of the perception of this hand? I am. Is this 'I' perceivable? No, it isn't. So I must be that unperceivable awareness." You see, can't I just rest in that? He would love to, but He can't because this remnant of this "me" that still plays out, we can't let it just expand and become spiritual pride and spiritual ego and then torment ourselves and the rest of the world on that basis of some pride of having knowledge of our true nature as awareness. And the moment we have pride, we've forgotten insight. It just becomes contaminated, just conclusions in our heads. Yeah, and it's hurtful. It's hurtful to God. No, it's not good. Pride is not good.

So it would have been also easier if I just stayed with, "You know, who's aware of the perception?" It's still a beautiful question. Still, I retain the right to keep coming back to that. But you see, this has to be met at so many different angles because I could see what's happening to all of us in the process also. So this grace guides us to a broader, more multipronged approach at times, and we just have to trust how it is unfolding. So yeah, it's very, very good to bring our blind spots onto the surface, into our vision, and allow God's light to operate on us surgically. Many times it feels like a difficult surgery. Yeah, it doesn't feel good. But it's like ripping the band-aid off, you know? It's like you've got to do it. I don't know, that was a stupid analogy, but the only way in is through. And I keep stopping there, you know, because it just has to be gone through. It has to be seen.

Yeah, and you're doing well with the prayer. I want to tell all of you that if you don't trust me about anything else, just trust me about the power of the prayer. That is a magnificent, magnificent way, magnificent power that God has graced us with, that we can invoke Him and we can bring focus to Him. Father, these challenges are not in opposition to that. These challenges are a testimony of the power of the prayer because these things are seen. These challenges are not a proof that it's not working. Yes, it's proof that it's fine that I'm seeing these things, that it's powerful. These will come, these resistances. I was saying today that some of you read the book *The Screwtape Letters*. So in response to your prayer and the deepening prayers, Screwtape pulls out everything possible, everything possible. And how to respond to that? With even more prayer, with deeper prayer, you see. And then it runs out. Then Screwtape runs out because it tries to torment you with some beautiful... so once the mind, once Maya, once Screwtape is done tormenting us and it realizes tormenting is having the opposite effect, that we are praying even more deeply, then you know what it switches to? You can guess with the way we have been going. It switches to trying to make us proud. Then it starts telling us good things about us.

So there was one sage, he was being tempted by Screwtape in the same way that Jesus was tempted. So this voice in the head said, "Oh, but if you truly found God, then you can jump off from this cliff and you will easily fly, or angels will come and rescue you," or whatever. See? So the sage, what he did is he picked up a rock and just threw it down. And so then the mind realized that this kind of thing is not going to work with this sage. So he said, "Wow, that's such a brilliant response. Even Jesus did not give me a response like that. That's so good." You see? So we have to be careful of both sides. So once it tries scaring us, tormenting us, if that doesn't work, then it tries to... that's the trump card. It pulls out the trump card, you see. It tries to make us proud. "Yes, yes, yes, you're doing so well." From all angles, it hits us from all angles. That's why to constantly be head bowed down. Just God, oh God, God, God, God.

I heard this beautiful quote, and it's kind of strong, so but maybe you'll understand. A priest said that the human pride is worse than the devil's pride because the human is in denial and unaware of their pride, but the devil is well aware of his pride. I found that really strong. There is this blind spot of pride, but we are all getting the clues now. Like when resistance comes, when we don't want to listen to something, see? And all these things happen. Then we don't want to necessarily admit it at that moment—and I'm talking about myself—is that because we want to hide our pride, hide something that we think we already know if that starts being questioned. Yeah, and to recently just to pray harder, you know? Not that I always do that, but just recently. So when the mind attacks, we pray harder. The mind attacks, we inquire more. Yes, it's the only way. It feels like the only way.

Father, thank you. Hi, Father. I actually raised my hand because I was again burning with negative feelings which I shared last time, but it seems like during Satsang it just burned. And yeah, it seems like something... one absolute solution. But I feel like even wanting a solution is just the same stuff of mine. So I already gave it to you and it feels okay now. Very, very... yeah. Because it's just so similar, you know? I can fall as if this is like... this is me, the same mind talking, you know? I'm just so used to this, Father. So I can easily fall into the same mind trap even though it is just so negative. Because when something is just so negative, I can easily recognize this, you know? And just... it's a negative, it's just mine. But with this, it's because I'm just so used to this, it's very easy to get into this and because just emotions and all this stuff. But yeah, Satsang helped me and burned these things. So for now, I'm quite... yeah.

That's all we can ever say. That's all we can ever say. That for now, His grace is taking care. For now. Yeah, very good. Bless you.

Thank you, Father. Actually, Father, I would love to offer a song for you because it's a festival for us. Maybe you know this. This is the second day, so it's everyone...

Before your song starts, I want to wish everyone who is celebrating today all my love, all my blessings. And may Allah's grace and light bless everyone. To all those who are celebrating as well as all those who are not celebrating, full love and blessings to everyone. May we all be blessed by His grace.

Thank you. I'm a little excited, but please help me, Father. It's been quite a while that I didn't sing for you. And again, just so much love inside my heart for this part of mine, this wonderful, so touching, full of love culture, this part. So I'm just so happy again, falling in love with it and being able to offer a song for you. So it will go well.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Bless you, bless you. Very good. Breath, but...