Unperceivable Insight of the Holy Light Within - 29th June 2024
Saar (Essence)
Ananta likens the spiritual heart to a dark temple sanctum where one must wait with patience and faith. He emphasizes that while spiritual byproducts may occur, the unperceivable light of God reveals itself only by grace.
The heart temple may seem dark, but we must allow our eyes to settle into that unperceivable light.
Spiritual experiences are just byproducts; do not mistake the 'Prasad' for the presence of God Himself.
Patience is not about achievement; staying connected in the heart is the life of a spiritual seeker.
intimate
Transcript
This transcript is auto-generated and may contain errors.
We went to a temple yesterday, some of us who live close by. Yes, day before. So, day before. And it just came to me to share like that, that we've spoken about how the sanctum sanctorum is right in the center. And we noticed this yesterday also, the other day also, that usually, you see, they place God over there. And that place, like according to the mind, should be the best lit, the most decorated, all of that. But in the traditional temples at least, it is a very dark place. So, very dark, empty; just God is there. And because it is, I feel that it's an outer representation of how it is when we go within. For a lot of time, it can seem like it's just dark.
So it also came to say here that what if the lights were to suddenly be switched off? So the lights are suddenly switched off, then what happens is for a few minutes or for a long time, it may seem like you're not seeing anything, you see. But if you stay there, then you start to notice, you start to see. It is the same way with the heart temple. When we turn within and it seems dark, it seems like, 'I don't find anything there,' especially when we are talking about the unperceivable light. Because many times you may have the byproducts in terms of perceivable Prasad, you see. So this is the temple where the Prasad will be given to you, you see, many times without even the true Darshan, just in your faith that God is there.
So we may have perceivable experiences, but to spot, to come to the unperceivable insight of the holy presence of God, the holy light of God within, you see, we have to be patient and allow our eyes to settle into that. We can't force it. See, we can't say, 'No, no, I need to see right now, so I need to see in the dark immediately.' There's no process by which we can force that to happen. But we have to be strong in our faith. And when it seems like the doors are closed, like you put it, that it seems like God's doors are closed, actually He is right there. But His revelation, His Darshan, Her revelation will come when She knows that the time is right.
But the more faithful we can be in this way, to keep ourselves inward-facing in spite of what we may be finding or not, better it is. So we must be patient and courageous in that time to just allow that to happen. Because if you don't, then that's a very dangerous place. It's a very dangerous place because you're very vulnerable to mind's tricks. The mind will make us believe that 'this I'm seeing, this I'm seeing,' because it knows that you're open to suggestion. So it will suggest that this is something that must never be in any sort of rush. But because also we are in a modern world where we are so used to this instant gratification, so we just feel that, 'Okay, now I want.' Call it solitude after I follow with... don't replace this for any mental association, for any imagination. Unperceivable light, unperceivable recognition, shapeless, sizeless, which is known only intuitively. Just like that 'I am aware' is only known intuitively. The rest you just take as byproducts and don't stress on it too much or dwell on it too much.
So that patience is very, very important because it is not about achievement, you know. It's not that, 'Oh, it's in...' all that stuff is nonsensical when it comes to this. It's all by God's grace. So you could have had this insight, it doesn't mean anything. You could have not had this insight, it doesn't mean anything, because nothing happened by your doing. The best we can say is that one who is patient enough to have the faith to stay still... but whether He's revealed Himself in this way or not is completely up to Him. But that is the life of a spiritual seeker, that outwardly all this stuff can keep happening, but you stay connected in your heart that way. When you are in longing, then you have no option. Patience, faith, courage is needed when it seems like even longing is not there; you just want to run. When longing is there, like you're remembering your Beloved, then there is no option. You're just missing them. So you have to miss them. The more you try to avoid it, the more deeper you fall in that missing.
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But what to do when Maya is just grabbing us, saying either that's the favorite thing, and all the thing that, 'Oh, it's an impossible thing, it's all made up, there's no such thing as God,' and you know, sort of becoming anti the whole spiritual. And both, the mind uses both. 'Oh, that you got it also.' Then that thing is also there. 'What are you struggling on this? You saw, no, 25 years back when you were sitting on the banks of the Yamuna, you saw something.' So either way, the mind wants to take us back into its fold. Everything that we feel like is unfinished... if you feel like you want God but it's unfinished, then the mind latches on to that and creates this sort of tensile energies, this tense force. See, then you're more open to suggestion because you don't like to live in that unfinished business. You just feel like, 'What, you know, do it now.' Okay, yeah, it's true. So that momentary sense of just letting go of that tension can feel like a relief. But really the game is to transcend all this play of the mind, the tension, the idea of unfinished, all of that, and just be for God. Like, just make your life for God. Then all the other drama can still happen, but you are not shaken.
You're talking now about the light which we perceive in our heart. Often enough, I perceive it in someone else, but I don't anymore perceive it in myself.
Very... all nice, all nice, but byproducts. So this one which you're talking about, which is in our heart, is not that one. That one, this one can have that as a byproduct. This one can have like love is a byproduct, joy. You come into the room with such a one and you feel elevated, a lot of energetic things. But that is the byproduct. Like the most subtle byproduct of it is the most primordial vibration, like the sense that... that's why I said this is neither phenomenal nor non-phenomenal. But in that, sometimes we give ourselves the luxury of making it phenomenal. So I've reduced saying that. Look at the most primal byproduct of it is the pulsation, very, very primordial vibration. So even in Satsang when we perceive that, many... so that's not a physical thing. That's just like a subtle... all the gifts, all the Prasad, all the byproducts. But the trouble with Prasad is that many go to God just for this.
This is in our heart. This is literally in our heart. It's not got anything to do with outside?
No, nothing.
Supposing, Father, even I saw so much light... I still see sometimes with you. And so what? Like, is it possible to see those things and yet not have it? I mean, I know from experience you can have many spiritual experiences without meeting the light in our heart, without meeting God's presence as the unperceivable Atma within. You can have... when we do a lot of prayer, yoga practices, chanting, all of that, so many experiences can come. They are nothing to do with God's presence or, I mean, nothing to do with what we're here for.
So what did the kheer or whatever the Prasad was have to do with Hanuman? It's the blessing. Like a blessing, a token of love offering. But if you say next time, 'It's strange,' we start doing that. But yeah, that's what I'm saying, that it sounds strange if I put it like that, but many times that's what we do. We take the byproducts, experiences, and then we start bowing down to that, wanting only that. Suppose you really love that rice, huh? So next time you're just going for that. But that's what we do in our spiritual practices. Then we forget about God. We say, 'Where is the sweetness? Where's the joy? Where's the love? Where's the peace?'
So see what you told last day, so touching, is that even if you don't see, just with that, just stay turned around. Just go for me. That is not giving up, a much higher Sadhana, not giving up than the Sadhana that we do once it is palpable.
I appreciate, like I appreciate the historical boy that was here that was doing his Sadhana or whatever silliness he was doing, but at least he was doing it empty of even being able to conclude the presence of being. Okay, after is easier. I mean, it's not easy-easy because Maya will always pull us back in, but after is easier. And the instruction is very confusing because literally you'll find it in your physical heart as an unperceivable... I can completely understand mind will try to supply it. So you have to be careful of that because when it frustrates in the mind, it's telling, 'That's your physical heartbeat.' Eyes settle, just have to stay. Every time you make it about 'What do I do? What's happening?' all of that, then you're changing the room. Because that room is frustrating, no? If you're sitting in the dark room and somebody has told you everything will become visible one day, they are very frustrating instructions. I can understand. But they just like... okay, the mind says, 'But...' so it pulls you out of that room, from the door, from the sanctum sanctorum, into an outer sense of satisfaction. And for a while that seemed like big relief.
Like most people who leave spirituality, their first report is, 'I'm so happy. Yeah, I'm so happy. There's nothing to pray, nothing to inquire, nothing. I'm enjoying my life. I watch TV, I go for dinners with my family, I talk, and I'm so happy.' But you see the deterioration after weeks, after weeks, after weeks. It doesn't come instantly. Then you start to see, and after a while the same anxiety, worry about the future, money... soon we are in the hellish condition. 'I don't believe in God. I don't buy this. I don't know whether I can believe you also.' All this I was just like... option to think yesterday. I was asking, what is your alternative option? To gather, gather, gather, gather, gather; pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, and then die? The mind doesn't actually have an alternative. And you just look at that, even that objectively, you cannot fall for it.
Strength be avoiding something... I mean, that's what I want to check is the distance. Without what they say, that time and space are notional. Yeah, how are they notional? Space is notional, meaning there is actually no distance, correct?
Now what I wanted to check was that, am I being so... is there... suppose you're in your house. I say the whole thing. You come out of your door, you see a mountain like far, far away, yeah? At least 20, 30 kilometers away, you see. Now I tell you that all this is happening in your dream. So what is the distance between you and the mountain? Nothing. It's a dream. There isn't anything because you are not in that location and the mountain is not in that location. Everything is in your consciousness. There is no distance. So if my usual role is just to encourage, encourage, encourage, encourage... but only God can really say what is happening with whom, and I can really say what my heart is getting me to say. So you must always rely on your own insight, always rely on your own insight truthfully. Because only God can really show you that place within yourself and confirm that right now I'm the... I'm a good option, I'm the best you got. So I have to all over the stupid man saying so.
This you're saying, this sense of being alive, whatever I am, is... how do I go to the heart with this? Where is it coming from? How will I find that?
Ask like how you ask. I'll do ask. Something is there within you that is designed to fulfill questions. Questions are like, 'So what is the size of Nicaragua?' I don't know, but something is there to do that. So it works at many different levels. So you say, 'Okay, banana,' image comes, like that. So something is designed to produce, yeah? So if you say, 'Who am I?' you have no way to do it, but something is working somewhere to deepen yourself, see? So when you ask, 'What is the source of this being? Where am I coming from? Where is this coming from?' something is at work. Just like banana, you have to be patient with that. So I ask for the banana there, does it come instantly? It can seem like an instant, but you notice that even that is time. Yeah, it takes time even to produce that image, you see. It seems like an instant to us, it's not like that. Banana, mango, takes like that. So how...
There is no way to do it, but something is working somewhere to deepen yourself, you see. So when you ask, 'What is the source of this being? Where am I coming from? Where is this coming from?' something is at work. Just like the banana, you have to be patient with that. So I ask for the banana there; does it come instantly? It can seem like an instant, but you notice that even that is time. Yeah, it takes time even to produce that image, you see. It seems like an instant to us, but it is not like that. Banana, mango takes like that. So how long should it take for God? As long as He wants. We can't. Calling God ever be insufficient for anything is calling God, but also He needs some help. What can I do? It's a huge test of faith, actually. It's not easy. The instructions are not easy to follow, yeah, in the sense that what am I saying? If you put it in a worldly context: wait in the dark, empty heart area, one day God will reveal Himself. It's very hard. How long will it take? I don't know. We call the whole life and He not come.
Can she miss all the... then she came as Shabri? The whole life she... many times is not... is not it? So is not it at all? It's a nice blessing, but doesn't it make... comes in... Krishna comes and it's very beautiful. What does that mean? I don't know. Unperceivable light of God.
When we say just to see that, doing the ads and so, there comes a moment when every thought, it just seems completely... I mean, you don't have to question. I'm witnessing it; it just becomes apparent to you. You're not that, and it's just being witnessed and probably doesn't even have any reality. I mean, you see this like some cloud—I'm just making it a cloud or whatever—but you just notice that that is not that. That's not anything real. Not even the sensation, not even the... not even any form which you're seeing is truly what it seems. It is not.
Okay, that's space. And where you... where you see that, you see you become aware that you're the one. You would have... is that what you would call like a recognition or Atma Gyan? Because it's quite... it's wordless. I mean, there's no inference, there's no... it's not always that it's only after like say nobody you see that. No, it's just...
I have been pushing everyone for that so that you get used to living there where you find yourself as that. So does that moment of recognition mean anything? Not really, in the sense that, yeah, I am aware. I mean, every child can also answer that. But the point is that where you went to find that, or where can you stay to live there? That is the point. Where did I... that was only through prayer, through what? In what mode did I find that I am that Nirguna awareness? Yeah, intuitive. So stay with that. That is the Atma which is guiding me.
But that came so clearly because otherwise it used to be... there was to be... that means the Atma? I mean, that jiva, I don't know what to call... that's always just doing... that's always clear.
Are you? Yeah, it's always clear. It's always clear. But it's not... but it's not that you always behave as if you're awareness. You behave as something else, huh? To stay there, then either we use that as our inquiry and say, 'Am I aware?' That's only possible by Grace. We can't... possible by Grace, but we have to try our best. Yeah, we put our best and we can do it. Whether it starts or not is Grace.
So what did you say? I need... get all lost. Grace versus effort. That will... no, not so. Now when I'm saying, 'Am I aware now?'
Yeah, are you aware now?
Yeah, you know, I to see... it's very clear. It's always very clear. There's no lack of clarity or greater clarity in that seeing of yourself as awareness. The point is to stay where you know that is true.
But stay, the Grace will do enough. Why don't... with your... with your full effort towards that? Full effort means to let go of the false is your effort. And then we can't stay. No, even then, let go of the false, huh? Let go of everything false, then you will stay by His Grace.
I see. What I did was to let go... the recognition of this not being true. I mean, that these were just thoughts. That was the recognition that these are... saying is that we are just... we use this 'Am I aware now?' as your inquiry.
So how would you do it? 'Am I aware?' It's clear. It's clear. So hopefully... so I know you're saying it takes a while. It's... yeah, okay. If it's taking a while, wrong darshan, yeah? Who is witnessing this right now, instantly, without having to think? Reality is. But then what happens there? Maya has given up something. It'll say, 'Oh, I got it now. I just have to be like this or be like that, or I should share this,' whatever nonsense can come. So it hasn't lost its power to pull you back. So to remain open and empty, you need a tool. You need some help. You need some divine guidance which is in the form of Satguru, in the form of prayer, inquiry. You just have to keep going. Bring, you see? So bring it back to be present. To be present is a lifetime of, you know... put simply, you cannot see anything in the temple, that is the complaint. But nothing stops you from standing and waiting. Nothing. That's all this discussion is, yeah? What stops you from standing and waiting is just the lack of faith. No, I mean, lack of faith... what is the meaning of... get them clear. Yeah, that's why we have this conversation. But ultimately we have to reconcile to this fact that I can't know and I just have to wait. The root of the question is a doubt, and doubt equals to lack of faith. So that's what I'm... now I can't have any question if I'm waiting.
No, you have to just admit that I doubt in those moments.
Exactly, and come back. So, Father, supposing I'm waiting, the mind can really fling us far from the temple. Then again, this brings us so far. Then sometimes we feel like we have to start from scratch. And sometimes it's just like I turned the other way, like a friend called me and I went out a moment and I came back in. So it depends on what you're buying into. Like, some people get so frustrated they get into this sort of droha against God, against Guru. 'I hate...' like he was saying, some boy was saying, 'Yeah, I hate Krishna, I hate you, I swear I hate you.' No, he said like that. So that kind of thing can really give an 'out' moment, and that will send you so far back. Then you have to, by His Grace, come back. But many times you can be gone for this lifetime. I don't want to blanket say no, yes it can. It depends on what... you know, many kids have left and gone for years. No, thankfully they come back. But many have gone and gone. And if they had gone into a better teacher, at least I would say good. But if they just gone and gone from God... how often should I inquire? So as you have to be observant to yourself. So if you just ask 'Who am I?' and it keeps you empty for a minute, then inquire every one minute. If it keeps you empty for five minutes, then inquire every five minutes. If it keeps you empty only for ten seconds, then inquire every ten seconds. The idea is to not get caught up in Maya.