Keep Turning to God - 1st July 2024

So what happens is that it's not that straightforward because Maya is a great trickster. It's a great foe. So whenever—like we were talking about the mantras the other day—the minute you start to settle deeply into something, then Maya comes with some distraction, some thoughts, some ideas, something else to try and pull you out, you see? And also to convince you that you're having deeper experiences of God's presence doing something else, and then again that situation can repeat every time you start to deepen. So that can be very confusing because Maya can play like this. What are we to do? We are to go really slowly, really slowly, and truly take every step guided by the heart. Nothing from our intellect, nothing from our mind. Really slowly to go and be guided without making too many conclusions too fast. Be guided by the heart.

Now, I'm not a great student of Islam. I would love to read more and more, but the little bit I have read, I'll attempt to share based on that. In all religion, there are many things. Like my own religion where I was born into—now I consider all religions to be mine—but the religion where I was born into, for many years I didn't want to follow Krishna because I felt like Krishna is unfair, he's unethical, he's done so many things which are wrong, so I cannot follow Krishna. I can follow only Ram. It's only when I grew up in maturity and started to deepen, I started to put my pride of understanding aside and said, "What is the context? What is really going on?"

So in all scriptures, we will find many things which we just can't fathom, can't get. In the same way with Christianity, you must fear God, for example. You see, this notion doesn't immediately resonate. You may want to run from that idea. Who wants to be part of a fearful religion or hear things about a fearful religion? But then as I dug deeper, then I realized that we are talking about the audience of One which is always with us. Always the presence can be reassuring or fearful depending on what will we are following. And with many, many books, teachers, religions, I used to say, "I don't agree with this, so I will not dive in deeper." Now it is that I don't agree with this, but I am foolish. So what is the sage trying to say? Or what is the incarnation of God trying to express to us? What are the prophets trying to convey?

For example, the story of Abraham and Isaac changed my life. It changed my life completely because it could not be met through any standard of ethics, morality, the right thing to do, universal good. There was no promise from God on any of those fronts. It's a sheer story of absolute faith and sacrifice just because God said so, you see? Because God said, then Abraham followed, and that led to the birth of so much faith in the world. So what are we to do? You're absolutely right that things are so tough when they come in this way, and there are so many things that people are studying all the time and there are pros and cons to everything being brought out constantly.

What are we to do? We are to remember that our job, or what we want, is to live in God's presence, find God's presence, and to live in his presence. So we must be open. When we are open, there are many things we meet that we resonate with. They are fine; they help us deepen in our spiritual progress. There are many things that we don't—disagree with. We may strongly disagree with, you see? But when we mature, we know first that, "Okay, I don't really know much, you see? I am a fool most of the time. So let me not put my lens on this. Let me not put my biases on this. Let me understand what Krishna is trying to tell us, what Ram is trying to tell us, what Jesus is trying to tell us, what Prophet Muhammad is trying to tell us." Let me say, because they are prophets, they are great ones, they are sages, they are the incarnations themselves, who am I to compete in understanding with them? So let me get a sense of what is on offer before I put it aside.

Then those contemplations can take many days. Some of you were in India when I was going through this whole process of meeting the story of Abraham, and that lasted many weeks and it's still never-ending, actually. In that way, we use it to dig deep within ourself. And these contemplations—in our life, a few of these are more than enough. So then the ones where we get into this deep contemplation are the ones that we can't truly negate. Something in our heart keeps pulling us back into that story, that experience, and something in our mind, intellect, just can't accept it. It just can't accept it. So those are worthwhile to deepen in our contemplation.

If you're not resonating with something—like often I say if somebody doesn't like something I said, I say just tear it up, throw it aside. I've said so many other things; focus on those. So then if something we don't resonate with at all, just keep it aside for now. Just keep it aside for now, you see? So if then there is something which is troubling and we just can't resonate with and we don't feel in our heart that there's any pathway to God over there, then we just keep it aside. But we don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. So we don't throw everything out just because we can't resonate with some of the things. And most likely my lack of resonance is because of my lack of understanding. That is what I'm learning to learn. I'm learning to learn this more and more as I'm getting older, that I'm coming around to so many of the things that I used to be against and I'm noticing there's great beauty in them.

So what am I saying? The things that we love, very good—use them to go deeper into your heart. Things that we don't resonate with, we may disagree with, but something is calling us to study them more deeply. There seems to be something under the surface of that, like, "How could God do this?" or "How could God say this?" or "How could a sage or a prophet say this?" So those things can become very useful contemplation for us to go within. But if you find in the aftertaste of something that it is not resonating, we cannot agree with that, we cannot find any way to approach that or be with that, then it is just best to just keep it aside. In that way, all of us create our own religion, our own spirituality, you see? So I don't feel like we should live in the constructs of Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, Sikhism—all of these religions. I don't feel like we should live in the—

So those things can become very useful contemplation for us to go within. But if you find in the aftertaste of something that it is not resonating—we cannot agree with that, we cannot find any way to approach that or be with that—then it is just best to just keep it aside. So in that way, all of us create our own religion, our own spirituality, you see. So I don't feel like we should live in the constructs of Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, Sikhism; all of these religions, I don't feel like we should live in the construct of that. Which doesn't mean throw everything away, which only means that create your own religion based on whatever you're getting from all sides, you see, and what helps you, what resonates in your heart, and what brings you deeper in God's light, in God's presence. So create your own spirituality, create your own religion, you see.

So we don't need to have the labels of Islam, Christianity, Hinduism, Sikhism. We just have these holy sages, prophets, books, scriptures, and all religion should be open to everyone. Whichever pulls us in, we must embrace deeply in our heart and learn from there and use those as tools to bring us to God's presence. So I want to say—and I'm not at all trying to be controversial—I'm just saying that we must throw away all the labels and take that which is most helpful to us for the moment. And then as we stay with that which is most helpful to us in the moment, then the Atma, the Holy Spirit, God's light, it blesses us and shows us the next step to take, the next step to take.

So if you're finding things that you're just not able to meet or resonate with, just keep them aside for now, you see. But don't say 'this religion, this religion, this religion.' Let's be free from the names of religions because these names of religions are causing a lot of trouble in all places, including India. There's a lot of trouble that 'you are a Hindu, how can you say that?' or 'you are a Christian, how can you say that?' you see. So on a work group where I was interacting with some people, I just started sharing some things and they said, 'Oh, but so you're not a Hindu, you're a Christian. You're basically just...' you know. And 'these Christians, they are everywhere converting people, their meetings are everywhere, it's all over, just everywhere.' So I said, 'Where are they? I want to meet these Christians everywhere,' you know? But then I said that really, I don't like to label myself in these ways. Anything that brings us to God is my religion, and anything that seems to create a distance, make me mental, make me egoic, make me proud—it takes us away from God and therefore is not my religion, you see.

And then if everyone started to live like this, you see, then it would be so beautiful because there's so much of this like false pride, bravado, all this kind of nonsense which religion is being used for, whereas actually it is meant to be used to bring us to God. So let's forget about the names. Let's say that everything is about God and what brings us to God we will dive into. And there are many things in all religions, all parts, which we may not be able to resonate with at the moment, so let's keep that aside. We don't have to accept everything, you see. Like in a relationship, there are always some things which you like and always some things which you don't like. So if you keep waiting for that 100%, that 'everything about this person I have to like,' then we can never have a relationship, you see.

Even like if you have that expectation of a master, say 'everything about him or her I have to like,' then you can never find a true path to God because our intellect just blocks us in the way. So focus on that which we do like. Focus on the messages of love, of peace, of deepening in God, of prayer, of gratitude, and these are to be found in all religions and we can find them. So don't make a position that 'I can accept' or 'I can't accept.' Who are we anyway to accept or not accept? So just say that as with everything, there are some things which I resonate with and some things which I just can't resonate with, and focus on that which we can resonate with. And pray to God that if there are blind spots, then may those blind spots be taken away, be healed by His grace. That's what I feel my advice would be. Thank you.

Thank you. Yes, you know, I was already feeling that the fact is we are taken hostage of a time where spirituality is actually kind of taboo and so there is only religion. And so the fact that we can feel before and beyond the mind is totally ignored. And so I feel to—I felt being taken hostage of this mentality and I am happy I brought this because in fact we are daily taken hostage by superficiality and the mind. So when it is a kind of mind attack which was coming more from outside than usually, but actually it just highlights the weaknesses of the actual contemplation, actual spirituality. Thank you.

Thank you, very good. And I'm so happy we have this conversation. You see, these boundaries are very, very fragile, are very brittle actually. They don't really belong in our life. Like I've been saying to some of you that what is the boundary? Does one who comes to Atma, is that one different from the one who comes to the Holy Spirit? Or the Atma and Holy Spirit are different because one is in Sanskrit and one is in English? Or one who comes to the Noor of Allah, that one is different from the one who comes to the Atma? You see, so inside us it's all the same. God's light is the same for all of us. Just that now all the cultures are deeply getting together in this way, with geographical boundaries, with internet happening, we have access to so much information. So let's use all of this technology to just see that at the root of all of it, it is talking about God.

And God is met through His presence in our heart, and that presence can be met through the process of prayer, through the process of inquiry, gratitude, love, peace. And there is no religion in the world for which at least this aspect is not common. At the center of it is this. Around it, interpretations, translations, maybe misunderstandings—all of those things can surround it. But the root of any religion has to have this, otherwise it's not a religion at all. So there's enough in every religion for us to deepen in our love for God, in our sadhana, in the tools available for us to be with God. In that way, it makes every religion worth our reverence, worth our bowing down to. And we don't have to worry so much about those parts which we don't yet understand. And if there are things which are actually not acceptable over there, really it's not our business. We just have to focus on finding and being with God. The rest is for God to take care of, and He will take care of everything. Thank you.

And I want to say to all of us, and especially my Indian brothers and sisters, that we must not get involved in any sort of—I know there's a lot of hatred in India today, there's a lot of things being shared because social media allows, gives everybody a sandbox to stand on. So there's a lot of bigotry, a lot of hate that is being spread, but we must be the light which brings love and peace and understanding and brotherhood in all our lives. We must not get involved in any pride about our religion. You know, there's no room for pride. If you look at Hanuman, Lakshman, Sita Ji, Bharat—if you look at all their lives, who was proud among them? In fact, the whole battle was against the pride of Ravana. So do you feel like we can be good Hindus if we become proud just because we call ourselves a label? Let's not fall into those things. We must increase in our love, deepen in our sense of kindness, compassion.

Yeah, I feel something also appears strongly to me is when I say I feel being taken hostage, it's because we are having now elections here and so the extreme right is coming, so to say. I don't know how it will end, but anyway the emotional aspect of it is strong because we are facing polemics, actually it's only polemics. And I'm just shown that we cannot fight on that level at all. And if we just have the idea of trying, we already lost because we cannot convince the mind of what is before the mind. So this is really what I have to face in this situation. This will always happen and we cannot stop this. Even the wisest sage will not go on that level to confront. Maybe when somebody who is totally detached can have the clarity, but as soon as there's a little bit of emotion, we lost. We will fall because we will want to convince and that is already there, we are already gone. That's what I see and it's hard to admit it. It's hard to admit because when we love some beings and we see they are full of resentment or anger against the community, it's very painful. Yes, I mean it is very, very... who can avoid to go through these states when the close ones are touched by arguments? And we can maybe—this can be help to see what the great ones have been going through and they had to face the hatred and they don't know what they do. Thank you.

Hello, hello. Oh Father, it's been a lot when it rains, of course. Yeah. Oh, you know, it's funny like in this kind of situations, I feel like in my experience like a lot of things—I don't know if they dropped for her—but like it's like so unimportant and everything is more become like... sorry, it seems like there's nowhere to turn, so the only place to turn left is God, you know? So yeah.

Very, that's very good. If we can use the challenges, adversities of life to turn inwards to God, that's very good. Because many times in the world what happens is that when these things come, it seems like it's all just darkness, there's no solution, there's no way out because we take the appearance of the world to be the only reality. But if we can use these as opportunities to find the greater reality, greater life, it's very good. So we may say, 'Okay, I have no option so I have to turn to God.' Then let's all start to turn to God, especially when we have options. If you learn to turn to God when we have a lot of options, yeah, it seems like then there is more room to play around, you know, and 'Oh, a little bit this, oh I don't like this, I don't understand that.' And now there's no choice, just like no choice.

Yeah, now remember that you're on your knees internally and externally, and that's it. When the choices do reappear, you see, remember to not use them. Because this happens cyclically, it's up and down. We don't have moves, so we turn to God, and then God in His grace returns our moves to us, and then we return out from God. So we must not do that. The great Indian saint Kabir Ji said that everyone turns to God when they are truly suffering, when they're truly in misery, but if you were to turn to Him when we are not in misery, then there is no reason for that misery to come, for that suffering to happen. So if you make our home in His life and we don't leave heaven, we stay with Him even though outwardly things may seem like very hellish, but our inner climate, our inner place doesn't become trouble, it doesn't become contaminated with misery.

But then I was like as well wondering one thing because in this kind of situations, like the mind would say that you have to do this, this, this, this, you know, there's a lot of things you can do or not do. But for example, sometimes just nothing comes out and it's again, it's just being in silence and then it's... but comes, it's not a solution.

Things may seem like very hellish, but in a climate, in a place, it doesn't become trouble. It doesn't become contaminated with misery. But then I was as well wondering one thing because in these kinds of situations, the mind would say that you have to do this, this, this, this. You know, there's a lot of things you can do or not do. But for example, sometimes just nothing comes out and it's again just being in silence. And then it's like, but it's not a solution. I don't know. It seems like in these kinds of situations that you need to do something, and being in silence in peace with God is something a bit as well like maybe wrong in this kind of situation. In any other situation it's fine, no?

I mean, when some challenges come up, right? Yeah. And then like—oh, did you say it seemed like a little bit wrong? I didn't get that one word.

No, from the mind's point of view, as I understand, because it's like: why are you sitting there in peace when actually everything around you is just like falling apart? And I'm just like—so it's the mind, right?

Of course. It can never go wrong if you are with God. That can never be the wrong choice to me, no. Because if it's coming naturally, like okay, in all situations, no matter what the condition is, what is happening to the world, what is happening to the body, what is happening to the mind, what is happening to our emotions—in all situations, being with God is the best choice.

Yes, but like in the world, I don't think we used to behave like that, you know?

Yeah. Before we started the broadcast, one said, 'Father, is it going to be because I have my oscillations, so then people around us will think we're pretty crazy?' I said yes, it's fine. We cannot leave God because of what people think of us, or we cannot conform to the way of suffering, the way of selfishness that the world is propagating to all of us because that is the right thing to do according to the world. So be with that, live with that light of Atma within.

Of course, the mind will say that. It always says like that. And it is easier said than done. And I wish it was as easy as done. In my case also, there are times my mind is compelling and doesn't seem easy.

That is why we have to fight. We have to fight and we have to not give up. It's not easy. It's simple, but not easy. Simple in the sense the choice is simple, but it's not easy. What we have to do is clear for all of us, I feel, except those who are maybe completely new to Satsang. But to do it moment to moment, day after day, week after week, month after month, it's not going to be easy because Maya has many tricks and traps for us. Especially when it starts to feel easy, that is when we are usually being set up for a big trap because we start to become complacent.

But now, when it's not feeling easy, I'm not so worried actually. When you kids report that it's not seeming so easy, that means you're meeting the problem head-on. But when you are feeling like, 'Oh, it's all good, you know, it's all fine, it's easy, I just have to be, I have to just inquire, I just have to be with God,' and all seems so easy, then I start to smell around a little bit and see what's going on. See, because the mind also loves to make these positions. He loves the enlightened position. If you're not meeting the push-pull between Maya and the Heart, then either you should be sitting on this chair and I'd love to sit at your feet, or you know, you're fooling yourself somewhere. So how many of us can say that in the last one year or last six months they did not have this push-pull of Maya at all? Just many of us have had many cycles of ups and downs.

When a child says, 'Dear Ananta Ji, I found that in my thoughts there is many times some kind of identity hidden, like thoughts of a mother or someone who is discontent. Is this true for all thoughts? Are all thoughts containing an identity?' Yeah, all of them are offering an identity. That's why you remember, I remember you once said something like that: the coconut is green. Because many times if it is just 'the coconut is green,' then that is the build-up thought, the setup thought. And the next thought says what? 'I don't like green coconuts' or 'I love green coconut water in the green coconuts, it is very sweet, so I love that.' Something is waiting to be, and for us to be trapped in that. Just like the lawyer in a courtroom is waiting for the opposition to just slip up with one thing, and then they will catch on to that and build the whole case of individuality or personal identity based on that.

The good news is that we don't need guidance from the mind because as we learn to let go of this false teacher in our head, the true teacher starts revealing themselves more and more. And we are never left in the lurch. We are never left without guidance. We are never left without reassurance. It just needs that little bit of courage to say, 'No, it's just a thought. It's just a thought.' Okay, let's go to... today is becoming Friday, and Friday can be Monday. Can you hear me?

Father, yes, maybe I can. Thank you. Sorry, I'm on the street. Thank you. That is a train passing. I just wanted to come up to say, to express the gratitude really. Because I read Job. Yes. And I must say that it was a slightly strange reading because as I went through three quarters of that, I didn't understand much. It just was not soaking in. But at the end, the last two, I don't know, numbers, it's really precious and I might read it again because there are some answers to—it's opening up something. So I'm very grateful for that.

And also, I'm sorry I am not able to remember the name of the scriptures we are reading. Sorry. Even though I am not familiar with Ramayana and even with the culture, I must just to give some maybe feedback on that. It's such a rare diamond, this reading, because I guess that English translation is very good, but it can't compare to the original language, of course. But there are still these beautiful nuances there. And even if it's—I don't know what—it teaches me so much already somehow on a heart level. And for that, I'm very grateful to you and the Satsang and whoever inspired you.

I don't know if I may say that, you know, I was just having that picture of the sage who came to Kriya for a few times, who was sitting there with you. I don't remember his name, and I don't even know who he is, but there is such deep peace. The singing one? Yeah, he was with some female disciple there. Yes, yes. So there is just—it just appeared, you know, when I was... I don't want to speak too much. I just wanted to tell you that it doesn't matter what religion, what gender, where we are, whatever, that the truth is shining so bright from this old scripture. And I'm just so grateful for everybody who helped to preserve this and bring it these days because we need it more than ever before. And the Bible as well.

And I just, if I may, you know, with you, I'm just reading Matthew as well. There is a beautiful connection with Matthew, of course. Oh, I just remembered while watching The Chosen that I actually was baptized as a child in a total atheistic family, and it was only my grandmother who prayed and took me to pilgrimage. And then for years, I actually chose Buddhism because I didn't like the priests and the present—or I haven't met a real priest who lived that in the heart, let's put it this way. It's not like—no offense to anybody. And also I realized that I went to Israel when all our family got divorced within three years, three marriages. But Father, I totally forgot about that for over a decade. Thank you for bringing me back. And if there is any meaning in that, it might unfold in the heart. But all I want is to learn more and more about humility and true living in God, no matter what shape it takes. Thank you. Thank you for listening.

I asked someone to write to you, but I'm happy you came yourself.

Ah, yes. You to me? Okay. Oh, Father, I've been struggling so much.

Father, to struggle and to return to God is not an issue. To struggle and return is not a shame.

Now I feel like as if I don't have oxygen. I feel like it's like that. I'm suffocated completely.

Yeah, yeah. But as you return, you start to breathe more and more. Happy in a way that we get used to this new way of life, the way of the heart, where for a while it can seem like Maya can grab us. And it can seem like it is fun, actually. It seems just fine. In fact, many times it seems like a relief. We were just talking about it the other day, that sometimes what happens is for some of you in Satsang, some friends come and talk to you or somebody, or you watch a movie, something happens and you feel like, 'Let me just live my life. What is the need for all of this spirituality and struggle? He himself is saying it's not easy, so let me live like everyone else. What's the point of all this difficulty?'

Stay with God. Don't get caught up in Maya. Be vigilant. Return, return, return. If you fall, then get up. Don't move. All this can seem very difficult. So when we first hear, 'Oh, no need to inquire, I am that. No need to inquire, what will happen anyway? I'm not the doer,' you see, so we can get trapped in this kind of conceptual spirituality. And for a few days—hopefully days, but sometimes weeks, months, or years—it may actually seem like a relief. It can seem like a relief, but actually what happens is that if you remain observant, you will see that your mental state, your emotional state, your overall way of life starts to deteriorate slowly, slowly, slowly.

And may Grace bring everyone back to God in that way, that they notice for themselves. But a life without God's light, without God's presence, is a life without oxygen. It is a life without oxygen. And because we are caught in Maya, and it seems like it is effortful to return, like we were saying earlier with Atma also, it doesn't seem easy. And many times to just leave it all seems like the easier option. And then we say, 'No, no, I'm just not cut out for this.' So many children, when they are angry with me or have tantrums or have these mind attacks, they say, 'I'm not cut out for this. I just can't do this anymore.' So I'm used to hearing that now quite often.

But it's just worthwhile evaluating option two. Like, you're not cut out for this, but then what are you cut out for? What is option two? There is no option two. There is no option two because once you've got the taste of being something other than the body, being other than the mind, then to come back deeply into that identification just as a body-mind doesn't feel satisfying at all. So we may flutter about, but we don't actually enjoy any other option, hopefully, if it is Grace. Because Maya is strong; she can pull us back fully also. But usually by Grace, once you've tasted the spirit, once you've tasted the perfume, even the byproducts of the spirit within us, to return to just being worldly is not easy.

That's why many times also the tantrum is, 'I was better off before coming to Satsang. I could just live normally like everyone else. They are just fine.' So there are many shades to these withdrawal symptoms from Maya. But you will, once you go through those withdrawal symptoms fully, you will never want to go back into the addiction to the false. Not that the false will stop trying, but really, hopefully by Grace, we will be settled deeply in your heart.

Father, I feel completely like on a... I don't know how to say it, like unworthy or incapable to just... I'm very lost. I feel completely lost, Father. And I don't know how to... it's like I have to... I'm just a beginner completely, like to start again, over again. And I don't know not even where to start.

So, Friday evening when I had the sense that I haven't seen you for a bit, how long has it been? Because sometimes I'm just silly about this. I may have seen you on Wednesday and...

In your heart, Father, I feel completely like... I don't know how to say it, like unworthy or incapable. I'm very lost. I feel completely lost and I don't know how to... it's like I have to start again, over again, and I don't know not even where to start.

So, Friday evening when I had the sense that I haven't seen you for a bit—how long has it been? Because sometimes I'm just silly about this; I may have seen you on Wednesday and had this feeling that I haven't seen you for a bit.

It's been for about six weeks. Since I'm traveling, I haven't been able to connect, but everything was like okay.

So, the good news is that you felt lost, you're feeling like a beginner, it all seems to be so much time lost, but what is that which got you back to satsang today?

Suffering, basically.

Yeah, but what happens many times is when we suffer, then we want to keep trying so that we feel that ultimately I'll still make this work. Many times, you see, the effect of suffering to get back to God or back to spirituality is not often quick, because once we've got pride, once we've invested in something, we want to try and make it work. You want to make it happen. So, in spite of whatever distractions were there—and those are not important—but whatever was there and then suffering came, then something still reminded you that the way out of the suffering, the escape hatch, is satsang. So why I'm telling you this is if you can find that within your heart, you see, then that is the voice of God. That is the one reminding you to come back home. And you can, when things are seeming very unstable, you can latch on to that longing in your heart, that calling from the heart, and it will reassure you. It will give you rest. It will give you peace and get you to return.

I feel that calling and I feel that yearning in my heart very deep. It's very deep. But at the same time, there's this voice that I also believe in, that I'm not worthy of God or that God doesn't love me, or all these things. And I believe in that, and it's very strong. And I don't know, sometimes I feel it's stronger than my own love for God.

It's a very tricky topic. It's a very tricky topic. First thing I want to tell you is that if God did not love you, if you were not worthy of God, then He is the giver of life, then you would not have life. So if you're alive, it means He's considering you worthy of life. So don't fall for that mind attack. The second thing is that it is very important to be repentant, you see. It's very important to be repentant, but offer that repentance in your heart. So when you say that 'I'm sorry and I was foolish and I went my own way instead of following Your will,' there are two ways to deal with this, you see. One way is to offer it to God and say, 'Father, I'm sorry. This is my foolishness and I went with my own ideas instead of waiting for Your will to guide me, and I bring it to You and I'm all Yours. I belong to You, so do with me as You please, do with it as You please.' The second way is to be repentant in our heads, and when we become repentant in our heads, then it becomes a vicious circle, you see, because that leads to more guilt and that guilt makes us feel worse. Then we give that further in our head, so that brings us to a point of despair. It brings us to a point of desperation. It brings us to a point where we are still actually fighting God without realizing it, because we are still relying on the conclusions that we give to the mind and we are offering our ideas about ourself to the mind over and over. The way out of it is to really bring it to the temple in your heart, bring it to your heart altar, and then that repentance will be transformed into love. It'll be transformed into peace, into life.

So when the sages have said—and I played it at the end of satsang the other day—that 'Open me to the gates of repentance,' it can sound like a very strange prayer to make. Why would anyone pray, instead of love, light, peace, joy, 'Open the gates of repentance to me'? Who will make that kind of prayer? It's very beautiful actually, because in our pride we can never see repentance, we can never be repentant. And the only ones who can be unrepentant are the ones who are completely following God's will, you see. But there's nobody like that. We are separating ourselves from God, all of us at some point or the other. So that separation, that call toward separation and distance from God, you must be repentant over. Because if you're not repentant, we will keep doing that, we keep repeating those mistakes, you see. But that repentance must be brought to God and not to the mind. It should not become a thought circle, a thought activity, you see. Some thoughts are making you feel low; bring them to your heart and become empty in the mind. So that repentance makes us humble, you see. Otherwise, we never bow down in front of God. So use that to bow down in your heart to God's light and offer that to Him and allow His light, His love, to take care of all this for you. But don't get caught, because this is the mind's two-punch, remember please. One punch makes you distracted, and the two-punch keeps you caught up in that guilt and unworthiness and all of that, so then it feels like you can never leave. That's why with all you kids, I keep telling you: don't get into any sort of despair. It's good to notice. It's good to notice where you fail and good to fight against Maya to not fall for its tricks, to stay with God's light. But don't fall for the two-punch of the mind, because that is the tricky one which will keep us in that loop. So whatever you notice about yourself, whatever you're finding, it's all a learning process. It's all a maturing process. So whatever you're discovering about yourself, bring it in humility to God's light.

Yeah, there's a lot of... I felt it, this sense of 'I'm not worthy of You.' It's right, I cannot find the way out of it. It's like... but it's what You're saying, it's to put it all, like, put it in my heart.

So, one simplest way out of it is return to your prayer all the time. Because I promise you, in the six weeks you have not prayed all the time. This much is clear by looking at you. But it's not possible, if you really prayed all the time, to get into this kind of situation and this kind of state, you see. Even taking His name mechanically to remember God will avoid these kind of things from coming, you see. So that is one simple way. It will seem very difficult, of course, to return to the prayer life. And whatever, all of you, whatever the prayer life is—whether it is inquiry, open and empty, prayer—just return to focus on God all the time. Even if it feels like lip service to begin with, allow that to deepen. Even if you feel like a beginner, it's not bad actually to feel like a beginner, because we are humble as beginners. So turn to the prayer. Start with the simple things now. As you wake up, don't leave your bed without coming to God's presence. Just return to the basics, the basic foundations of your spiritual life, and build again from there. God is fully merciful. Full faith that He'll take care.

I've been like trying, trying, but during the day, many hours, many many hours, I just forget. Somehow it comes at some point, but it's very... the short moments, very very short moments. The rest is craziness.

Yeah, so let's try to reverse that situation even when it feels very difficult. So restart your sadhana, your prayer life, your inquiry, everything. All of this will help you. So now you've been away six weeks, I want to see you six weeks at least.

Yes, yes, yes. I come back to Colombia and hopefully at home it's going to be easier. And I want to go to Bangalore, Father.

You're always welcome. It's your home. God bless. Okay, let's go to Khin and K. He had his hand up last time also that we had.

Hello, hello. I just wanted to say hello. I heard my mother speaking a few days ago, a few short songs ago in the room, and I wanted to also say hello. And I came a bit late and yeah, thank you.

Did you both try what suggestions we had for you?

I did. Oh yeah, we did that part. We did. I am also doing.

He's trying hard. And then your part, tell Father, because you were supposed to use the devices half time for development and half time for pleasure. How is it going? The deal like that we made. I don't know what we reconcluded on, but it's all right. If you're fine, it's okay. But don't wait to get in trouble again before you start that. The message of today's satsang seems good, then we must really keep turning to God so that things don't have to seem bad.

Thank you, Father. Yes. I think I have to expose some pride and arrogance as well. Now in particular, the pride has come. There was a sister in need and I offered some guidance to her and it was really beautiful, like there was a lot of Grace coming into that for both of us. And I was very silent, but then after that there was a bit of joy and excitement about that, and I feel that was very personal. And it also probably... I don't know, my satsang probably dropped in power or strength or power. And also I'm starting to get some night visitors, some energies playing. So I'm seeking Your blessing and Grace to see that it's always Him, You know, that acts, even this, and not to have any arrogance in any sense of independence or comfort—even comfort, you know, that I'm doing well. Yeah, I just offer everything up.

A teacher said once that the stage lights are poisonous. The stage lights are poisonous. So what can happen, and it happens so often in the world, is that what can truly start as service to God, then the poison of the pedestal, the poison of the stage lights can start to infect us. And I'm very happy you spotted that in this small interaction that you had, that even in this we can start to take ourselves to be special, take ourselves to be helpful, take ourselves to be something, instead of giving credit and bowing down to God saying, 'Thank You for moving my mouth, thank You for allowing Grace to flow,' you see. And maybe lip service towards that can happen as well, but many times we can just get caught up in this sort of pride. So I'm very happy you spotted that, and may you keep living in His light and whatever comes to share from there, but not for a moment starting to believe that it is something to do with you. Was it last time, was it satsang here where you were talking about it's like the screwdriver starting to pretend, saying that 'I'm doing such a good job making all these beautiful things,' forgetting that it is just an instrument?

Yeah, during the sharing I didn't feel any pride or anything and I was very grateful for that Grace, and that's how the sharing ended actually: 'Thank You Father for Your Grace.' And then after, the mind kicked in and the memory of it, you know, to... oh, and yeah, I also want to share that I read a bit of Saint Teresa. I just open... I think Kindle opens to whatever... I know at some point I went a bit too far and I couldn't really grasp what she was saying, so I wanted to go back, but then when I started to read it was very... it was much clearer what she was saying and I'm very happy for that and grateful and thank You for that. And also to remind Paula that we are a sangha and if she struggles, we are a phone call away. To Paula and to everyone, you know, if we struggle we shouldn't feel alone and we are just a phone call away.

Yes, yeah. So I like the Bangalore idea. Me too, for these little ones. Thank you for holding through us. Welcome. Okay, let's go to Sam.

Hello, Father. Hello. Not much to say, Father, just... no, can you hear me?

Yeah, a little bit now, yes.

Oh, sorry. Okay. Um, yeah, nothing, nothing to say.

For that and also to remind Paa that we are a phone call away. And if she struggles, we are a phone call away to Paa. And to you, you know, if we struggle, we shouldn't feel alone and we are just a phone call away, just a phone call away. Yes, yeah. So I like the Bangalore idea. Me too, me too, for these little ones. Thank you for holding through us. Welcome.

Okay, let's go to Sam. Hello.

Hello, Father. Not much to say, Father. Just, can you hear me? Yeah, a little bit now. Yes. Oh, sorry. Okay. Um, yeah, nothing, nothing to say. I'm just so grateful, Father. Just whatever happened to me. Um, sometimes I'm a little distracted on the surface. It's completely, no, it's not for me to say it's okay, but of course I'm asking for help also because sometimes you are mixing with worldly energies and it can stay with you. And it caused me to also spend so much time in social media and not with sadhana or with God. But nevertheless, like something deep, deep, deep within is just, I don't know, whenever I turn to God, it's so completely here and it just touches my heart so much that He's always here. And it's just touching me so much, the deepening of myself actually, the deepening of the love that He has granted to me and gifted to me. Just kind of show, I don't know. And yeah, just thank you for, I don't know what happened to me, Father. Yeah, just thank you.

Yeah, you take a few steps towards Him, one step towards Him, He blesses us so much. That you took this commitment to remove the presence of anger from your life.

Oh yeah. Well, I did not do it, Father. Like, when you offer that, when you offer that, Father, I didn't accept in my heart. No, not in my heart, but in my mind I was like, I didn't accept it. But just one day I hear your voice within me because I moved with anger. Actually, before that, I hear you like, 'Don't get angry.' And I didn't accept this voice, like, 'No, I need to express myself.' But the result was just so bitter, Father. And I was like, why? I hurt someone. It just does not worth it. And it was too beautiful. Like, okay, it was with my mother, Father, and I expressed my anger and first time I feel so bitter about it. And yeah, I heard your voice and that day actually I come to accept, like, yeah, don't get angry with someone. And first time in my life, maybe I really, I, okay, after end of the day, I don't know if there is need to tell the story, but first time I have such a truthful conversation with my mother when I apologize from her. Such a truthful and understanding and loving conversation.

Very, very, very, very. Because these things for me are very valuable, very valuable, yeah, rather than any big miracles you could talk about. And some of those things just let God's grace bless you. And you didn't get even that one time, but you've committed now to remove this from your life, and all of us have taken that commitment. So I'm very happy to hear.

Yeah, thank you, Father. You see, even this can change our entire life. And you start to see subtler and subtler resistance as a form of anger, just irritation. And you know, you all know that I'm working on my irritation, so. And as in the last few weeks, I've seen it becoming subtler, subtler, subtler. So it's very good to be free of these things from my life. Um, actually I have a question, Father, related with that. Um, after like my anger is removed, I don't feel to speak actually with anyone because like, I don't feel to, um, like I don't know, I don't feel to speak because, sorry, I cannot find the words. So I'm a little confused, maybe. Like, no, I'm not confused. I don't know now. Um, sometimes just this thought comes, maybe I should also speak because I see people come with their beliefs and... no, no, no, it's okay. Sorry, Father.

No, this is very good. This is very good. These are the signs of introspection, contemplation, where we can notice ourselves and we can actually see everything from a deeper place. All my children are maturing too fast. I said, what happened to us, Father? It's just happening by itself. Thank you. Love you, Father. Love you, love you. Bangalore retreat, we are always in retreat only. We don't have to wait for the date. Almost time. Let's maybe let's go to Y.

Oh, I'm like, I'm, so can you hear me? Hello, yes, I can. Yes, I'm just a little bit struggling today. Today my frustration is because my headset is not working and I have to like lean in to the screen and like make some funny poses. But I just wanted to say hello, hello. And generally, I want to say thank you so much. And like last days I'm struggling a little bit, but I'm happy I'm struggling. I'm starting to love God more and more. And it's a, I don't know how to say, but I would ask to maybe help me because I remember you were mentioning sometimes about the smartness. And I didn't understand before what that could mean, yeah, this smartness. And I know that I pray, like, fall to this. Like sometimes everything is good and suddenly I want to rush into, like, especially when I, yesterday I met a friend. He made a remark which was not that bad. He actually said like, 'I noticed that you are actually a little bit lazy' because he's working and I'm not. Since a couple of days, I lost, I was working as a driver in Domino's, I see. And I lost the job because I didn't bring some from the physician, some papers. They let me go, they sacked me. And like, just I don't know, can you tell me what I should do? Like, I can do any, I mean not in a sense anything, but I can go to work, but in the same time I want to be in satsang. And like, can you help me to find a job that will also help me to be in satsang? Or if it's necessary, I don't know. So I pray for you.

Thank you so much, thank you. I was hearing your conversation with one of the people online and I was reminded of my experience the one month I was in US. And it felt like I was in no man's land because, and actually it was one conversation with her that the unrest I was feeling came to the surface. Because I was having all sorts of fantastic experiences and yet they felt so dry and I felt I've kind of turned away from God. So it's like I'm not able to find my way back to her and I'm not getting any joy in the experiences. It's like I was so lost and like nowhere, like I felt like, you know. And then in that conversation with her, like we kind of invoked Devi and that was helpful. I felt I could connect with that feeling after two, two and a half weeks. But it felt quite hard. Like so when you were saying, you know, like there's no option to, and sometimes I end up being in that zone where I feel like I have no option. It feels like doors are closed and the world's doors are closed, like there's nothing anywhere. And that's just, it was quite miserable. I was very miserable.

I understand. I just wanted to share. Thank you, thank you for sharing that. And it's good to see this. It's very good to see this because then, see, remember always that He or She, like Devi as you relate to her, is never the one to turn away. She has never left you. When you have been with her, she has not said, 'Okay, time's up, it's time to go now, enough.' You see? She's always with you. So, and neither is there ever any reason for leaving God's presence and turning away and becoming fully involved with the world, because all things of the world can be handled sitting in her temple, sitting in her presence. And yet all of us do, including this one, turn away. And we go with our own will, with our own ideas. We rush into things. We don't wait for God to move us, for God to guide us. And then it's also grace that you are not finding great satisfaction or joy in Maya, because then you may not that easily turn away. You may say, 'This is fine,' you know? But God's grace always moves in a merciful way. She also knows that God—and we can only presume, nobody can really speak for God—but one way to look at it is that God knows very well how easily or how not easily to make Himself, herself available to you to prevent arrogance, to prevent complacency, to prevent it just becoming like taken for granted. So it's not usually like that where, like most of us, we take our biological parents for granted. Like Mom is always there, anytime you need her, you can call her. In fact, we don't take their calls, we are too busy, you know, all of these things. So God knows that that is not the type of relationship that you need to build with her, with Him.

And thank you, thank you for reminding me. Just we went to a temple yesterday, some of us who live close by, yesterday or day before. So day before, and it just came to me to share like that, that we've spoken about how the sanctum sanctorum is right in the center. And we noticed this yesterday also, the other day also, that usually the place God is over there, and that is like, according to the mind, should be the best lit, the most decorated, all of that. But in the traditional temples at least, it is a very dark place. So very dark, empty, just God is there. And because it is, I feel that it's an outer representation of how it is when we go within. For a lot of time, it can seem like it's just dark. So it also came to say here that what if the lights were to suddenly be switched off? The lights are suddenly switched off, then what happens is for a few minutes or for a long time, it may seem like you're not seeing anything. But if you stay there, then you start to notice, you start to see. It is the same way with the heart temple. When we turn within and it seems dark, it seems like I don't find anything there, especially when we are talking about the unperceivable light. Because many times you may have the byproducts in terms of perceivable Prasad, you see. So this is the temple where the Prasad will be given to you, you see, many times without even the darshan, true darshan, just in your faith that God is there.

So we may have perceivable experiences, but to spot, to come to the perceivable insight of the holy presence of God, the holy light of God within, we have to be patient and allow our eyes to settle into that. We can't force it, you see. We can't say, 'No, no, I need to see right now, so I need to see in the dark immediately.' There's no process by which we can force that to happen. But we have to be strong in our faith. And when it seems like the doors are closed, like you put it, that it seems like God's doors are closed, actually He is right there. But His revelation, His darshan, will come when She knows that the time is right. But the more faithful we can be in this way, to keep ourselves inward-facing in spite of what we may be finding or not, the better it will be.

I have noticed that challenge where there when there's a lot going on around me. And it was, I was consistently surrounded by people and family and traveling a lot, and it was so outward-warding and very unsettling many times. And you know, you said that you all visited the temple, and I've been actually sitting within with a metaphor and with an image that came to me when you were having that conversation. That it felt like I was in the temple and there was something that enticed my attention and I went looking for it, and then I lost my way. I didn't get, so I didn't get what I was looking for because there was nothing, and then I couldn't find my way back to the temple. But now, you know, like, so I feel I'm slowly finding my way back, but it feels like I've drifted away and I've missed you and I've missed the space and um, yeah.

But it feels like slowly finding my way back. You get the perfume, yeah. You start to get the incense, yeah, sense, you know? Although it may not seem very palpable or tangible yet, yet some reassurance comes in the heart that, 'Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming back on track.' You know, it's not easy to put these things into words because it is just so intuitive. But it's very good to follow like that, because these subtle nudges from within, as you, as we learn to follow, then we find that there's a great sea change.

It feels like slowly finding the perfume, yeah. You start to get the incense sense, you know? Although it may not seem very palpable or tangible yet, yet some reassurance comes in the heart that, 'Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming back on track.' You know, it's not easy to put these things into words because it is just so intuitive. But it's very good to follow like that because these subtle nudges from within, as we learn to follow, then we find that there's a great sensitivity in our inner space. There's a great number of things that we experience inwardly, but very subtle. But when we are involved with the grossness of the world, then we don't notice that subtlety within ourselves. So the more we learn to just remain inward-facing, even though engaged with the world, and yet something stays inward-facing, the more we get used to living in this way of the heart, the way of the discipleship of the Atma within. I'm good. I'm very happy you came. I was going to ask about her. I was going to say, is it illegal for Nidhi to come on any day except Monday?

There's another thing that I want to say. I came home and one of the first things that I wanted to do is just like clean my temple space, because it was physical, physical temple space in my house. And I was doing that and cleaning the photos and slab and all of that and the murtis and lighting the lamp and chanting. And immediately I felt a connect with the Devi, and I actually got this feeling that it was me who drifted away. But again, the experience was so intense that sometimes I feel that my mind-body system gets overwhelmed with her experience because it is a big experience. And then there is an 'ought' and then that also... it's like something in me kind of goes away because it's so intense. So then there is again, I become scared sometimes. Also what happens is I say, 'But that was too much, now I need...' But the Mother always knows how much to feed a child.

Yeah, you can never take that call for her. And it's never going to be that you went to God, you went to Devi Ma, and she just gave you too much that you couldn't handle. Yeah, who has determined those limits? Her only. Yeah, all those come from her only. So we can feel comfortably, we can feel just completely comfortable being nurtured by her. There's no such thing as too much according to our standards; all the standards are set by her.

Yeah, and yet, you know, this also that I'm saying is like an understanding that dawns in hindsight. Because, and I don't know if something else happens, because I don't realize it; it happens at a very unconscious level wherein there is a drifting away because it's been so much. And then I realized after two or three days, 'Oh, like what happened to me?' You know, it's so, which is that oscillation is a very consistent experience in a way.

In a way, that is the story of all our lives. But it's just the oscillation which seemed like that, it seems to just settle more and more. But there is something in that 'too much' or 'enough,' you see. But that is in the sense of the prasad aspect of it which I speak of, which is in the realm of the phenomenal experience, whether it is energetic, whether it is visually, whether it is something else. So all of those, also God knows the right amount of prasad to give us, the right amount of byproducts. But in terms of the pure light itself, there is no such thing as too much or too little. It is just the most pristine, the most innocent, the most beautiful holiness that we can experience. And it is so beyond being measurable, being... it's very difficult to speak about it. So when you have these experiences, allow them to... somebody said very beautifully, it's like a letter from home. So when you get a letter from home, suppose you've been living away from home for a long time, then you get a letter, so you get the longing of visiting, you know, wanting to go. So just look at your experiences as a letter from home and let that deepen your longing to stay with her in your heart.

Yeah, that's actually a very, very apt metaphor. It really feels like the letter from home, like that call, 'Okay, come back.' Thank you.

In terms of how we are feeling and our experiences at a phenomenal level, there's always an ebb and flow in everything. It's never consistently like a certain way. But in terms of our ability, our willingness at least to make the choice to look at the altar, even if it seems too dark to see anything, that ability we always have. It can never be insufficient, it can never cause any harm for sure. But it's always the highest choice to make, no matter what is happening in the world, no matter what is happening in any aspect of our life. The highest is to turn to God, to stay there. Hi, hello my dear. If you need to start the chanting, please do. We can speak another time.

It's all right, it's all right. I don't know how long it will take. It just, I did not intend to speak, I was just listening. And then just the feeling came like, I don't want to even think about another time because I've done that with Guruji usually in satsang. I was feeling it and it felt truthful, like there was no real need to say anything. But then when he asked me to leave Sahaja, then I started to speak with him every time I could because, yeah. And it's also, he was always inviting this attitude like it's the last song. So a bit a combination of these things made me raise the hand now. And it's okay to go on or you feel okay? Okay. So I want to open up one thing with you about... you said something earlier that when you think that something is actually helping a lot, then it might be just Maya convincing you that the mind actually grabs it. So I've been also, you know, maybe that I followed Rupert for quite a long time alongside. I never had a feeling to choose between Rupert and Guruji or you or Adyashanti. I always felt Guruji is my master and then Rupert and everyone else, it feels like a very trustworthy friend, the most trustworthy that I can feel also. And still it's God in another way, but I never had that inner conflict about the master or something. Yes, but I could see it's not so easy also to present it outside. Outside, seemingly, it can seem a bit strange. So then, yeah, I didn't. But another thing I wanted to say about this, Rupert has some yoga meditations which, these are more, let's say, advanced in a way in his work because they start as awareness and they just explore objective experience, what is it made of. A bit similar like you also sometimes exploring pure perception; I heard you inviting a few of these explorations. So these meditations in particular, they go very deep in the actual experience of the body and the world, the seeming world, what is actually here. And they're very, very powerful at this for myself. With Guruji, I came quite clear to this inner recognition, 'I' is awareness and it's formless. There was no doubt about that at the level of the mind. But then this, and there's nothing missing in that recognition, but at some point something was arising, 'Okay, but what is all of this? Like all of this that seems to be something?' So that was not so much satisfied by following his pointing, at least at the time that I felt that. And then this way of exploring, I felt it was just somehow very much speaking to me and in a way completing this. It's exploring that slowly, slowly after deeply looking into anything in experience, especially sensation and perception, it becomes clear that there's only awareness is the substance. You don't find anything else. And now I'm speaking about it, but the direct experience is undoubtable. So that felt really like a big relief and almost like a merging of or a reunion of what was previously left a little bit like 'other than.' Like, okay, neti-neti. And then in this, from the true experience that awareness is also everything that appears to be something, I could see the mind immediately coming and with a bit of quite some arrogance about making comparisons. 'Yes, but why doesn't Guruji go enough into this and explore more like this?' So I could see so much of this arrogance and something trying to put some type of conflict or some type of wedge. In time, because also I could not speak so much with... I could speak with Sahaja, but I feel I actually I wanted to speak with you about this also because being in Sahaja, everything was not so easy, at least in my mind at that time. With Guruji, I didn't find the space also to speak although I wanted. I went many times with the idea to bring this a bit out and it didn't happen. It stayed more in and it matured in some way by seeing that what I think is best, it's also quite arrogant making differences. But still I felt the need to... like something is really, when something is really important and you don't find the appropriate circumstances to kind of share it, you feel there's something out of place also. Like a natural that whatever you love, you want to be able to share with somebody or speak.

It's very good in a way that I'm happy that you shared all this because there's so many things can be said about this, but let's see. Let's see how we start. So anything that... there's so much love for God, there's so much reverence and at the moment at least it seems very clear that this life is only to serve Him as deeply as I can and without falling into the traps of the mind and Maya. So I'm so deeply appreciative of anything that, any instrument of the Atma within which points us to God's presence, His light, the ability for us to live in that discipleship of the true Guru, the true Atma within which is the Satguru, of which everyone is just an instrument. There is no such license or there is no such restriction that the Atma only has to speak with this instrument or through that instrument or not this instrument. Many times it is advised not to get confused by listening to too many different expressions because our intellect doesn't have the ability to make sense of all that is being shared and many times when we are deepening, it just distracts us with too many things. But I feel like in this life, for example, every day I'm listening to something new. Every day something new is brought to my attention by the Atma within. And it doesn't have to be an inner communication; it can be something that I see on YouTube or a book that I recently read. So I'm constantly being brought to things which help me deepen in my relationship with God, in my discipleship of the Atma, the true Satguru presence within. So I'm very happy that so many beautiful things are being provided to those who are truly looking for God in so many different expressions, and may God bless them with so much more power, more light, and may so many people listen to that which brings them truly to God. So anything that you find deepens you in your heart connection, that is satsang for me. It doesn't have to come from this mouth or any mouth. I feel like as long as you're not really confusing yourself too much—and sometimes even that is all right, to just be confused a bit—but bring all of that to your heart to contemplate deeper and resolve it in the guidance of the Atma within. It's not necessarily always bad to be confused about things. And many things that many sages, many things that Ramakrishna, Jesus... we were talking about it earlier in satsang, I don't know if you heard, are not immediately... their essence or root is not immediately apparent. So it does end up confusing the intellect a bit, but the ability to just take it to your heart and to rest with it and to allow it to reveal itself is a skill that all of us should learn. So it's good. I'm not hearing anything that I have any trouble with in this.

Many things that many sages say, many things that Ram, Krishna, Jesus said—we were talking about it earlier in satsang, I don't know if you heard or not—immediately their essence or root is not immediately apparent, so it does end up confusing the intellect a bit. But the ability to just take it to your heart and to rest with it and to allow it to reveal itself is a skill that all of us should learn. So, it's good. I'm not hearing anything that I have any trouble with in this report and I'm happy you are hearing or you're following or you're learning something which is coming from a beautiful place. May it lead you to so much more love, light, peace, depths, and insight.

You see, when I was younger, I used to feel like it is about coming to an insight or recognition and trying to make that undoubtable, you see? Yeah, I thought it is about that. More and more as I'm getting older with gray hair, I'm seeing that actually it is just how much can we just remain with him and in his light. All the insight is always available. Nobody comes to the Nirguna Brahman unless it is in the light of the Satguru presence within, and that is why the Guru is called the bringer of light. It is a unique light because worldly light can shine light on perceivable things; the Guru light alone can bring light to that which is unperceivable.

And the only Guru is the Atma within. All these outer bodies that we see, especially this one, is just an instrument—a weak, feeble instrument of that Atma. So the Atma can choose to speak to us through many mouths. It can be through some music that we heard, some singer singing a song, and we hear the voice of the Atma within. So we don't need to—I don't know if you were there in the beginning of satsang, but we spoke about how we don't need to categorize religions and say Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Sikh, Jewish. We don't need to make these things. Everything that leads to God is true, and everything that takes us away from God's light and presence we can discard, do away with. In the same way, we don't have to worry about which mouth is saying what; as long as in our heart we can sense God's perfume, we must follow. And that is how our spirituality will deepen as well.

Yes, and that's how I felt it in me. And that's how it was, as much as the capacity was here. And let's say the problem was exactly where you say: how much I stay then with the presence, with the recognition. And exactly this is not the recognition—the recognition is not to make it perfect because it might be complete, but then how much you are living that each moment. And I could see so much, and like, still there's so much gap between living that recognition and the recognition itself. And so much failing to represent that also in my being with Guruji. Like always looking back to, okay, so from the recognition, how would I be with Guruji? How would I behave? What would be my thoughts towards him? And it's clearly the mind was in total in the opposite direction with that. So for that, I told him like, I apologize and I keep repenting because of that. I don't know, by grace it's going to be less and less distance. And that's why also I feel to spend time with you, because you have a very good nose for arrogance and for this. So I trust you fully when that's so.

Well, I don't know about that, but I do have a—hopefully by God's grace I'm spotting my arrogance more and more. So if that is helpful to all of you, that I'm able to see my foolishness and my stupidity and my arrogance every day, and if that sort of helps you to become open to looking at your own pride and to bring it out in the open without needing to hide it, then that way I feel like in that way it may help.

But in terms of the gap you spoke about, there is my feeling—and I don't know—but my feeling is that there is nobody who can say that there is no gap. There is nobody, no sage, no sage who has ever lived, the highest sages, all of them could never come to a point of saying that I have no pride left or I have no ego left or I have no sense of separation left, you see? And that is why it is important to allow that individuality to drown in His will and to sacrifice moment to moment our individual will and to be in servitude to God.

And that is why both Gana and Bhakti make the fullness of a spiritual seeker. Like Bhagavan said, the two wings of the bird are Gana and Bhakti, and the bird is the true life, the truly spiritual life. So on one end of that spiritual life is the recognition that I am That, the Absolute reality. And on the other end, we have to still be open to see that the remnants of what remains of this 'me' may seem very harmless and ash-like, like ashes, but always have the power to reinvent themselves, you see? And that reinvention usually happens in the form of a spiritual ego.

And if we don't spot that and we say, 'No, no, but I am truly Nirguna and no pride can ever get to me, there's no remnant of the me here,' that is usually the invitation for trouble to come. Yeah, to recognize that openly and to say that 'I see this gap,' that is good maturity. Then we can work on that gap together, you see? If you feel like, 'No, no, I've had the insight, I'm clear, I don't fall, I don't go to my will ever, I'm always following His will, and who is here left to inquire or here left to pray?'—if we get into those kind of conceptual traps, then we will stop growing, even though in our mind we'll believe that we are living the ultimate reality. This life must be full of constant growth, constant recognition of when we rushed with the mind, when we fell for the mind, and to return back to the heart in humility and service to God.

This is the—I recognize this is the biggest enemy, let's say, the spiritual ego. And if I get into that to a point that I allow everyone to come and hit me on the head with something, yes, that's a—and it does happen. I mean, life does send that. And just to say, because you were saying you don't know if you are helping with the humility, and you are very much. I just want to say that.

Thank you. May God's grace always bless us all and may we be open to being shown, even if it is in the harshest ways, where our pride still hides. And even if that revelation hurts in the moment, maybe we remember that it is such grace that prevents us from turning towards the Ravana that lives within us, and to turn again and again to Ram's light, away from the egotism, away from the selfishness of the Ravana tendency that is alive in us. Yes.