Trust the Silence of the Heart More Than You Trust the Holiest Words of the Mind - 22nd April 2022

Now the mind says—the mind is the programming in the game itself—but, "Hey, I am designed to tell you that if you are not in the game, then you don't exist," you see? So the mind will... it is the narrator of the programming. It is the narrator within the game. Obviously, it cannot reach out of the game and meet you, the player, the one who is playing, the one who is witnessing, the one who's playing the trip. So that is your direct insight that you're coming to. And you as the player, you as consciousness, has complete freedom to choose, you see? You as the game character... so suppose the game has a character which represents you. That character obviously does not have any freedom and therefore no free will or anything like that. But you as consciousness... and just move to everyone and bring us back. Or the narrator in the game is designed to report on the apparent condition of the main character, not of you, the one that is playing, you see?

Your intuition, your heart, is always telling you this: that you are not just this character in the game. You are not this bundle of perceptions, this bundle of food. You are that which is beyond. Now, what is our task? Is our task now to try and convince ourselves? Which aspect of us could we convince? See, just a mind. Just the mind where you can be convinced this way or you can be convinced that way. So if you're convinced about something and I say, "No, no, no, my friend, I feel like you've got this wrong. Let me present the alternative perspective," and if I present it well enough, you may switch your perspective from this side of conviction to the other side of conviction, you see? But in your heart, in your intuition, there is no such play of opposites happening, isn't it?

So this is a tip for everyone. This is very important. You must stop making one side of our head the right side, the spiritual side, the true side, and the other side the egoic side, the personal side. It is not true like that. The mind can also play as if it can be spiritual and it can be personal, but this is not true. Spirituality is to leave these limited constructs about ourselves, not trying to make "me" more spiritual or "me" live in the right way or something like that. But in the absence of identity, which is "me," in the absence of that, there is a greater truth which is apparent to you. It's apparent to you, and over there you don't need any convincing. You don't even need clarity. Try to make your heart unclear. Anyone with an unclear heart? Anyone whose heart is confused, whose intuition is confused? Anyone like that? If you notice for yourself, "But I'm feeling shy to come up," you see? When you're feeling like, "I am a bit confused in my heart itself," notice that that is a mind trick and your confusion is a result of some belief in identity, emotion, and idea. So that is not the heart. Where these opposites are not possible, where it is not possible for you to oscillate, that is your heart.

So it may seem like for consciousness, it may seem like you're oscillating a bit between head and heart, but in the heart itself you cannot oscillate. And in the head there are millions of ways to oscillate from idea to idea, from concept to concept. So if you have an idea, or even if it proposes it to be a state or something like that which is just conceptual, then don't try to get to that point. See, leave the instrument which is providing you these measurements about how free you are or how not free you are. What is judging your state? So these things are happening, you think they're happening. Who is saying, "This is not free enough for you, you should be freer than this"? Mind itself. The voice of bondage is pretending to be our friend in the journey of freedom. And if you make that our guide, then you don't listen to your true guide, which is your heart itself. So trust the silence of the heart more than you trust any, the holiest words of the mind. See, trust even the silence of the heart much more than even the holiest words of the mind. That is trust. That is trust. Otherwise, if it's in the mind and it's rational—mind means rationality, intellect, all of these judgments, interpretations—then there's no trust needed. It's already sounding rational to you, so you're believing it. What is the trust in that? Trust is beyond rationality. If it is rational, then everybody would follow anyway. So to go to your heart is to go beyond your rationality.

And the Zen masters have utilized that over centuries to point you in ways which are completely beyond the intellect, therefore to the mind completely irrational sounding. So let the mind say all of this. So God is not here, God is not like this, God can't be this, can't be in form, has to be formless, He can't be formless, has to be form. Any of these opposites, just throw the whole load of them out. In the sense not that they can stop coming, but throw the load of them out from your grasping, from your belief. Yes, yes, without that how would you struggle? I suppose the mind says, "Good, that was quick. He vanished from the Zoom. I'm done. Bye, see ya." He's back. About that, someone, someone had just called me. Sorry. Is it... show me a confused heart. I want to meet a confused intuition. So any confusion then must be where? Only concept. Any problem the intuition has? Some problem is for intuition? Is there a practical world or, in the mind's words, a real world? Does it have this category that... does it divide life in these ways? "Oh, the right way to do in satsang is like this, but the right way to do in the market is like that, and the right way to do with my friends in the bar is like this." And you know, does it have... does intuition have these categories? It's very alive, very fresh, exactly spontaneous, very fresh.

If you had a magic lunchbox which is always full of food, you may finish it but automatically it just refreshes, it's just, you know, full, full again. So then would you go around looking for food? This is... but that is symptomatic of our lives when we have not really visited our intuition and we rely so much on the mind because the mind is always grasping for solutions and answers. First it makes up these make-believe problems and then it solves them. It's like most of the viruses, computer viruses. By the end of this whole... there was a whole period where computer viruses were a very big thing. So by the end, most of the antivirus companies were making the virus so their business could still be there. Convince you of the problem first and then say, "Ah, this is how, what you need to do to solve it. You know, do like this, do like that. This is not good, this is good." All this nonsensical solving of non-existent problems in the mind. What is the problem that your heart has?

This has no problem, but I'm still... there's still a little bit of a... like there's still a little bit of holding what you said. Like what you said a bit earlier about the mind, like it says like... like it has these two, like the left and the right. Like it's still... I'm still like, still kind of holding that a bit, a little bit.

Yes, yes. So stop this talk to spot it. Just to stop it, spot it. To notice it is all that you need to do, is all that you can do. What else will you send in there? Besides, you notice something, you see that it makes you suffer, stop it. The mind's idea that you will be lost without it. The mind's idea that you will be lost without it and that therefore these popular categorizations of which the mind itself means that, "All this is all right for satsang and your spirituality, but you need me for the real world. You know, there's a big bad world out there and you need me. I'm your best friend. You can't do without me, me, me," like that. What is the trouble with dropping into the heart? Yeah, but you switch out of the false. Switch the false off and then the truth is apparent to you. You don't need to switch on the truth. It's so beautiful. It's looking... it's like you've been looking out of your front door waiting for God to come. See, all you have to do is close the door and see what's already in your house.

It's not that God has to appear, truth has to appear, Self has to appear. Nobody's ever lost the Self. Even the seeker is built up on the Self itself. "I am seeking" is built upon "I am," you see? And "I am" is built upon "I." So the truth is never gone anywhere. It's just that we've been looking in the wrong direction with the wrong, wrong instrument, you see? Are you still trying to convince yourselves of something? Conviction is just another name for belief. A strong belief is called a conviction, and there's no belief which you can guarantee to hold on to. But try. What happens when you're empty? How many are still waiting to be convinced? "Only one day if I convince myself I am Brahman, as it says, I just have to read it 55 times, be convinced that I am Brahman, then I am free." Doesn't work like that. You don't have to do any of that. Do you have to be convinced about your existence? Do you have to be reminded about it? Just exist. And you have to be reminded? Now this is a bit subtler. Do you have to be convinced that it is your existence? "I exist." It's naturally human. Isn't this apparent to you? Not in your heads—don't try to understand it—but isn't your existence apparent to you? And that it is your existence, you that exists, isn't that apparent?

Yes, yes. I try to... I try to think, under... like you said, understand and figure out with my mind so hard.

Cannot do this. Try to make your head understand existence. There's a whole branch of philosophy called ontology, metaphysics, which is trying to figure out existence. Thousands of years they made no progress. Zero. Every idea has been refuted and the refutation has been refuted. Can't do it with the head, you see? So just because we've invested a million dollars in our head, do we want to continue to invest whatever else we have also on that just to try and make that investment work out? It's called good money chasing bad money. So when you realize your mistake, you must stop. "I have tried to make it work this way. I've tried to find myself this way. I've tried everything. I've tried inquiry, I've tried chanting, I've tried..."

It’s been refuted and the refutation has been refuted. You can't do it with the head, you see. So just because we've invested a million dollars in our head, do we want to continue to invest whatever else we have also on that just to try and make that investment work out? It's called good money chasing bad, then. So when you realize your mistake, you must stop. I have tried to make it work this way. I've tried to find myself this way. I've tried everything. I've tried inquiry, I've tried chanting, I've tried all hatha yoga, I've tried every type of practice there ever was. I don't seem to get it in my head, but I have moments of clarity, whether it is the no-mind, no-head. But the no-head is possible right now. Nobody can force you to go to the head or believe that attention can still go. It's okay. What thought has to come that consciousness then has to bow down and say, 'Yes, my master, you are the truth'? What thought has to come like that, you see?

I make these extreme illustrations to show you what actually seems like, 'Oh, this thought was so strong it got me.' You reported that, all of you reported that in the past. This thought was so strong that it got you. But what are you really saying? I, as consciousness, had to bow down to this thought because the thought was so strong it was bigger than me at that time. And I, as consciousness, had to bow down because the power of belief rests only with consciousness. It cannot belong to a person who doesn't exist, you see. So when Maharaj used to say integrity is very important, integrity is very important, what did he imply? He meant that admit that in you as consciousness, there is an aspect which still is interested or wants to play in that playground of whatever the mind is trying to solve, whether that is relationships or money or freedom or body or whatever. Whatever the playground may be, check for yourself: who really is interested in that? What difference will it make to your reality? What actually will change about what you truly are?

And you notice that all these nurtured conditioning from the past, which seems to then have a gravitational pull for these thoughts and identities, starts to go away. But don't say that I'm forced to believe my thought, because the one who could be forced does not exist, and the one that is, is too big to be forced, you see. The one that could be forced—like the mind could be strong and say, 'Oh yes, yes, yes, you are the voice of the truth, Mr. Mind, you are speaking the truth'—that one doesn't even exist. Like a grain of sand, it is not. And the one that is, the one that does exist, I Am-ness, being, consciousness, what can force that? Produce such a thought, use such a thought that your being has to bow down to it. Inherently challenge your mind. Produce such a thought! And you notice that in that representation is your deepest attachment as the false.

So what to do when this attachment comes into your light? Just by coming into your light, it may be losing its power. It may be losing its power. But if you feel like it's still potent, it makes you dance every time it comes, then surrender or inquire. Either you surrender it—if you are of a devotional temperament, surrender it and say, 'Not my problem, it is my master's problem or God's problem.' If not, if you don't feel like that surrender really applies in your case, then inquire: who is suffering from this? Who wants this? Who is the protagonist of this story? So many pointers have been given to you, thousands and thousands over so many satsangs. Use any of those tools and inquire into it till the notion becomes laughable. But most of you, I have to say that you've been in satsang and I feel like you can just notice it. But it's not a competition. Don't have an idea of yourself as a very super-advanced spiritual thinker, therefore you should just be able to see and blow up thoughts like Terminator or something. You don't have to get to some super-advanced level skill or something. Just go with your intuition about these things. If you feel like just your noticing doesn't take the juice out of it, doesn't take the sting out of it, then inquire or surrender.

So what I've said now is basically the encapsulation of, if you can call this a path starting from Bhagavan, then that is the encapsulation of that path. Yes, now the mind will come and say that this is the knocking from the mind, and I want you all to really play on my side now because the mind is coming with the same old stuff. Same old stuff which you've seen and played with and seen that movie a hundred times. Then you should be able to just playfully tell the mind, 'No, no, this is gone. Come up with some fresh material. How long will you suffer from the same stuff?' And come on, dear Sangha, let's make the mind work hard for its suffering. How long are we going to dance the same tunes? 'Oh no, no, but it can't be that simple. Oh no, no, but there is nothing to hold on to there. No, no, but when I go into my work, you know, I see my boss.' Come on, we played with this stuff. 'Oh, and my girlfriend calls me.' You see them? Same, same stuff. Let's at least go to the mind and say, 'Come on, is that all you got? All you have? Same old tricks. At least come up with some new magic.' I want to hear a problem which is not about relationships, about security, money security, all of these things. It is not about the body and sensations in the body and whatever else. And it is not about spirituality or our conceptual ideas of freedom and what states freedom should bring and what should happen to me after I'm free and all. Anybody who has a question—and I'm going to come to all of the hands up also, don't worry, I'm just challenging you a bit—who has a question which is beyond these four things?

Hello, Father. I think I do have this kind of question. It does not involve all these four. Okay, can we recap the four? The first is relationships, yes. Not relationships, not money, not body, and not spirituality. It's something I've been maybe observing lately and it came... I don't know. Like, I'm looking at something and I don't know what I'm looking at. Like before, I would call it a person, like a feeling, energetic almost, like a field. I don't know, those are just the words. I just don't know how to describe. I'm looking at it as something... as me, maybe? I don't know. Some like aliveness, something. And I'm looking from it to it from some deeper space.

Yes, this is exactly the kind of question I want. This is exactly the kind of question I want. So there's a sense of what you call it, beingness. Like a beingness. What do we usually call beingness? Before, I used to call it, or all my life, a person. I would call it like that automatically without even questioning. I've often talked about this and you've probably heard me say this, but I don't know if you remember this, but you know the mind's greatest trick? The mind's greatest trick is to try and convince God that it is a person, you see. So, convince consciousness itself—of course not really, but play as if—to get consciousness to play as if it is limited and it is a person. And so many who come to satsang, they hear that we must get rid of the ego, the ego has to die, and the mind has convinced us that it is the being itself. The presence of God itself is the ego, and we are trying to get rid of that. So, like, whatever I'm trying, I am still here. And of course, in some ways, this is not the you that has to go. This is the presence of consciousness itself.

Are you getting the sense of being? I Am. You say, 'I woke up, I woke up,' you see. Now when you woke up, this light of the waking state is going to be there, you see. So you see the mind's trickery in that, to try and convince you that that which itself is the substratum for the waking state has to go for you to be free. That that is the person that the sages are talking about that has to go. This beingness or aliveness or consciousness is the light of the waking state or dream state, whatever you call the state. It is the light in which it happens. In the sleep state, you don't cause yourself any trouble, absolutely fine. But in the light of consciousness, if you make consciousness itself the enemy—which is the mind's ultimate trick, to convince you that it is unbeatable, you see—and say, 'This must go.' So the master said, 'You must go,' and the mind says, 'Yeah, you, this.' This is the only time it is pointing you to the presence. This light, this being has to go. That is the person that has to go. That is not personal. It has no boundary, it has no limitation, it has no want, it has no aversion, it has no time, it has no space. It is not born and it does not die in the way that we think.

But imagine our life if we are convinced that that itself is the problem. God said, 'I Am that I Am,' but the mind said, 'I Am is the problem,' you see. This is the defense to spirituality. The trickiest defense it pulls up is to convince you that your presence itself is a problem, your being itself is the problem. But this is the light of God itself. It requires no working from the mind. This is what I mean when I say: can you stop being? This is beingness. This is the divine presence of divinity in your heart, the holy light of consciousness. And you are right, you're right that even beyond this you are, because you are aware even of this beingness, right?

So that's why, maybe... I'm sorry, maybe that's where I know that I got confused. But like, what am I looking at? Yeah, I'm looking at something that is empty. And there's like... so I don't know, somehow in the mind it became like a confusion. So how many of me are there? Like, I don't know.

This one of you. This one of you. So in the same 'I', the same 'I' which then manifests as 'I Am'. Before then, that which was purely unmanifest, then complete in its manifest aspect, 'I Am' this. But the 'I' remains unchanged even when 'I Am' the flower. The plant remains unchanged or the tree remains unchanged; the flower flowers. 'I Am', you see. Now this flower has a lot of troublesome, trouble-causing petals, one of which is the ability to identify, that which we call belief. It has everything. Every petal is a petal of this flower. So one of them is the ability to take itself to be something that it is not. So then it says, 'I am beyond' or 'not this flower,' but 'I am just this bee or wasp' or something. It identifies with something that is just in the realm of its perception. And in that, so what happened to the original tree? Nothing happened. You are the same as you were in your sleep state. That same reality which could not be touched by anything appearing in the dream, you see, you are that same reality. So you have not changed. It's just that you put on some shiny clothes, which is beingness. You put on these shiny clothes, and in the light of which, in the shine of which, it seems like this whole universe takes birth or is on the screen. Anything may come in the light of which, but it cannot hurt the light.

But then maybe something I want to bring to you as well that I've noticed as well, like maybe I collected it, or willingly or unwillingly, some like concepts of enlightenment or something. And as well, they start maybe coming up more than usual. And I'm like, this is more like observing going on, but I see that they are quite alive. I don't know where they come from.

Let them all get released. Let them all get released this way. Because I want to tell you that the light of your being is the same today as when you were an infant. It cannot be magnified, it cannot be amplified. So enlightenment, there's a notion... it's just to recognize this light which is always, always there, at least as long as there is the play of the waking state. The very same... like, this could be a dream, isn't it? So you cannot really... it's just again a way of categorizing where we say waking state and dream state. You could actually have one name: 'wake-dreams.' Let's call it wake-dreams. It's the same because the...

Your being is the same today as when you were an infant. It cannot be magnified; it cannot be amplified. So enlightenment, there's a notion it's just to recognize this light which is always, always there, at least as long as there is the play of the waking state. The very same light—this could be a dream, isn't it? So you cannot really... it's just again a way of categorizing where we say waking state and dreams. To you, you could actually have one name: 'my dreams.' Let's call it 'waking dreams.' It's the same because the being itself doesn't have any quality except belonging to I. The 'I am' itself is just am-ing; it doesn't have any other quality which makes it individualized in some way. So it's the same am-ness. And the I, obviously, is the same one. So what shines in this light now we call that dream; there we call this waking. So let's come up with a new term for separating between, because there's a subtle attempt of the mind to give more value to this right now, you see? That's why we call this waking. This subtle attempt of the mind to give this more value than that. Every teaching is full of concepts. It's just, I remember, like it was just useful to see, to show you that just as that dream one goes, this too is... there's no difference. Because what's important is the one philosophy which does not distinguish your reality depending on any of these states. So our job is to find that. My apparent job is to find that which is constant across all of these states, including the sleep state.

Yes, clarify. I don't know, something like I'm observing something, and maybe I see that maybe there is some momentum to something, but then it feels like it's okay. Yeah, I don't know.

Satsang actually is just the playful attempt to value that which is observing more than that which is observed. So when you say the company of the truth, and the truth is defined as that which does not come and go, the company of the truth, the satsang, the truth in the company of, you see, is to just give more value for at least this much time to that which is witnessing all that comes and goes, instead of valuing that which is witnessed. And how long do you have to be in satsang? All the time that you're not sleeping. Very short. So the attempt of the sages to point out that that which comes and goes is not real is not to try and make an aversion to that which comes and goes, but just to fix the value equation a bit and say, 'Okay, now we evaluated that for too long. How about valuing that which is witnessing, that which is aware, a little bit more?' Because that is constant. That which is witnessed is coming and going.

You know, as well as all those things have been picked up during the satsang, that it's a hard thing to do. That who do you think you are to... okay, the star, some kind of superstar. Yeah, and this is done. It's a bit tough, Father.

Yes, I don't like my joke one bit sometimes. This kind of medicine is helpful because I say, 'Who are you? Why? What makes you so special that you should get God?' So it is just poking out the spiritual seeker identity sometimes. But all medicine has certain uses depending on the existing condition. So you just have to wait for the heart to, you know, share it in this way, and you have to trust that. So of course, sometimes when you hear like that, you feel like, 'Oh, I'm too unworthy to get God,' but that is not the attempt at all. That is not the attempt at all.

I'm just like the spiritual seeker identity. Yes, I really wanted to bring this up today, like this seeker, whatever this song, all the concepts about spirituality. I see that there are a lot of hurdles.

Okay, let's go to some of the fresher ones who haven't spoken to... let's go to Kavitha. I spoke to her recently, of course, but I feel like we can share more.

Father, it's quite similar to what she was saying actually. You know that the seeker, seeker, seeker has been part of my psyche since so long that somehow one doesn't feel that one is doing enough. Or surrendering also seems to be like a process, something that one has to do or one has to remember the consciousness that's always there.

Okay, let's try. Can you do the surrender and show me? How would you do it?

I suppose the thought comes up now in my mind about to surrender the first effort to think.

Yeah, so the thought that comes up. What will you surrender otherwise, right? You have to surrender something very, very small. Something very, very small you have to surrender, which is the whole universe.

Yeah, but that seems like a process. Like, 'Oh, I surrender my body, I surrender my tongue, I surrender my family,' like that.

Yeah, like that. It happens. It's not that it doesn't happen, you see, but we want to understand that it happened.

No, it just feels that why am I then clinging on? Because the reality is I'm here clinging.

Okay, try to cling. Okay, keep clinging. And you must keep clinging. Before the click also, like, keep the clinging active.

Sorry, my clicker is a bit tired. Are you clinging? Make sure I'm clinging.

Your mind is playing with you. Just right now you are empty, my dear. If right now you are not empty, then all of my satsang is all nonsense. See, which it is actually, but in another way. If inherently what was shining here was not complete and fresh God, you see, if inherently what was shining here was not complete and fresh God, then whole of Bhagavan saying that it's all you have to do is not get caught up in avidya when it crosses your mind, you see? The truth is already with you, but you have to fool yourself by believing your thoughts. And all of those statements of the sages will be false. I have never met one that came pre-clinged. You're free. Then what is happening is that the mind is tricking you and saying, 'Okay, I know he's gonna ask me like this, but I'm gonna tell him I'm still clinging to myself for something.' Show me the self you're clinging to. Does it exist?

Yeah, how can you cling to that which doesn't exist? Like, it takes you on for a ride the whole day.

Yes, yes, but we don't know that. We don't know that as a certainty because how many moments from today do you remember now at six o'clock in India? How many moments from today do you remember? You go to the mind, there's a lot.

Wait, how many? Lot is what? Fifty, hundred?

Yeah, something like that. Maybe twenty, thirty.

Twenty, thirty.

And how many moments has the day had? Lots. What's more? So what if you just had 20 moments of false belief, false identity, and the rest of it you were completely like a sage? That's not a bad deal.

Mind keeps beating myself up and say, 'You're not, you're not enough. By now you should have got it,' you know?

Exactly. So this troublesome troublemaker, which with its narratives will use this very, very flimsy evidence, flimsy circumstantial evidence to convince you about how bound you are. And even the spiritual ego can convince you about how free you are. Neither of those reports you must value. So now, without this instrument which you will recognize now called the mind, what is your heart saying? It knows. I mean, it already knows. It's like it's a given.

It's just, what's the problem with that? The problem is that the heart doesn't seem to rule. I mean, it's almost like the mind is taking you different places.

And whose choice is that? Who rules is whose choice? Actually, there's no me that has to be his choice that my mind is going here, there.

Exactly, yeah. Then how can you be anything other than that?

In fact, we spoke about this in today's satsang. There is no power, no powerful thought enough, which can be that strong that your being, consciousness, which is God itself, can be forced to believe it. So what is this apparent struggle that keeps going on then?

Apparent says it. It is your apparent says it. Well, you see, apparent is the belief in the narrative, the subtitles of the movie. Reality is empty of that narrative. It always seems like a process. It doesn't seem like you've arrived because even Ramana's teaching keeps saying about removing every vasana and, you know, you have so many.

Yeah, he said no, he said like that. It's very confusing and I agree, we must all collectively throw a tantrum. But he said that till you are free, and then in the same, in the next question, the questioner asks, 'Please tell me, Lord, how do I get free from all my vasanas?' and he says, 'What you already are.' Didn't you say that? If you continue the same conversation, he says, 'You already are, but when you take yourself to not to be, then you play as if you are not.' Don't go to your head for an evaluation of your current reality. Just for a moment, don't go to your head for any evaluation about what is your spiritual condition or worldly condition. Nothing. It has squeezed you into this narrative of process and therefore time and all of this. But without that, what is your nose saying? Joy. Look at that. Just few centimeters down. What is the top of your head saying? Silence. So few centimeters up, few centimeters down, no trouble. It's only this area. Oh, and I'm speaking not physically, you know what you're saying, that seems to... the mind seems to be in the head like this. So I'm just... it's not true, it's like that, but it feels like that. So only that tiny aspect which is saying that. But it can seem tiny, but it's actually making you believe in constructs of time or space, of your limitation, as if your limitation could actually happen and then you have to do XYZ to become free.

Yeah, and at the same time the spiritual aspect of its knowledge already is saying, 'Oh, but that one doesn't exist. You can become free.' You know, the process is for whom? It cannot say, but there has to be a process. It is convinced.

Full of absurdity. If you strip it, the back has to be reality because I said everything should go. Yeah, but who does the process apply on? That we cannot find. So you want to do an operation, a surgical procedure, but the patient we can't find.

It's also like years and years of scriptures that have said you have to do this, you have to do that. There's so much of programming with this one. Yeah, just through it. Hours and hours of japa, hours and hours of purification. And everyone everywhere you turn, somebody's telling you to do something. You know, that's what's held, huh? Sorry, that's what sells, my dear. That's what he said. That's what's hell. It just feels like a lot of programming to that like you said, but it doesn't exist at one level. At what level does it exist?

Yeah, so the thing is that why does one believe this thought so much and doesn't want to believe the God that... I mean, doesn't want to believe the experience that it's not real? See, why is our attempt at causation again? So we are trying to figure out the causality and we are getting back into time. Cause, therefore effect, that kind of thing. But, and I keep taking this example often, that's like the child saying, 'If there is no monster in the cupboard, then why am I feeling scared?' Yeah, is it though? Is it a valid use of the intellect? No, it's a waste of time. Try to look for cognition in that which is timeless reality. What's going to happen? Solve the why questions, solve the how question. And the mind loves the first one and hates the second one. That still gives us a clue. The mind is trying to present the narrative in believable ways and that's why the why question seems to be very important, because the narratives love apparent connections like this, therefore this, therefore that, which makes this whole illusion of time seem true.

So surrender is what that means? Like everything that comes up is not mine, it's not me, it's your, it's you, right? That's what you say. Everything means everything?

Yes, everything. Like every thought, everything, everything that's perceivable is You. Everything that you can think about. And so it's not mine to worry about or to think about or whatever. Yes. And is that a process? So it's just you do it once and that's it. When you take your surrender back, then you have to surrender again, of course. So don't take it back. Don't believe that.

Means like everything that comes up is not mine, it's not me, it's your—it's you, right? That's what you say. Everything means everything?

Yes, everything. Like every thought, everything. Everything that's perceivable is you. Everything that you can think about.

And so it's not mine to worry about or to think about or whatever?

Yes. And is that a process? So it's just you do it once and that's it? When you take your surrender back, then you have to surrender again, of course. So don't take it back. Don't believe that it's taken back. Don't believe that it's taken back, or don't believe anything at all. So surrender is you handed over everything. Yeah? Then you want to claim ownership over something. 'The name... this is my problem, really. I've handed over some things, but this is really my trouble.' So when you do that taking back, then remember to surrender everything again. If you don't take it back, you don't have to; there's no 'again.' You deposited something in God's locker. Yeah? We deposited the universe in God's locker. Then you opened the locker and visited: 'Okay, now I have to visit this relationship again, and this I have to take care of.' So then you took it out of the locker room. So if you then—if you took it out of the locker, then you have to put it back in the locker. That's all. If you keep taking it back from the locker, then it will seem like a process. If you leave it in the locker and you don't take it back, no process. Finish.

Perceptions fascinating have been created, right? It's amazing. That is—that is—that is amazing to me, this whole magic of how the mind convinces that which is the light of the universe that it is this measly body-mind.

That is—that's why Leela is divine magic also in itself. Someone said we are all gods pretending to be goddamn fools. What do you want for yourself?

My small self? No, I just want to honestly—I just want... what is that like, the process thing you mentioned like a few times? So what is that, the end of that process? The sanskaras, you know, like being free from all of them. Like not having any wants or desires that are gonna constantly pull you out, you know?

What will happen at the end of samskaras? What will happen? Silence will remain, right? Longer. And what does it mean for you to have that silence?

Peace. Like, you know, freedom. Um, it doesn't bother me if I have something, I don't have something. Yes, I feel completely free of that particular craving or thought process or whatever.

And this 'me' that will be free will be which one?

It's not like I'll be free. It's like you said, it's already free, but I'll be sitting on that throne—I mean, on that chair of freedom. I'll be sitting in the peace without being constantly... the 'I' will disappear, right? He says you keep removing it and keep removing it till the 'I' dissolves completely.

Yes. Then who will be sitting on the throne? Who's already there? But it will be crowded and won't be veiled all the time. The veils will disappear. The veils will fall away, hopefully, right now. So if I told you that that is your natural state—if you can call it a state for a moment—right now, unless you go back in the locker. Thoughts about the locker will come in the four categories that we discussed. Just let them come and let them go. That's all. This is good because I want to take you to an even subtler level now. As you are allowing them to come and go, what we call open and empty, just speak in your heart and take as much time as you want. Besides perception, in this open entity, besides perception, what is apparent to you? Don't rush at all. Don't rush. It's not a test. There are no marks for fast answers. Yes, take your time. All of us, obviously, as you're empty, besides the realm of perception, what is apparent to you? Can look at this. Whenever the answer arises from the heart, you can share it.

For me, it's almost like... it's the silence, this vastness. Yes, there's love. I mean, this is—it's not an empty silence. It's beautiful.

It's good. You know, great. Very, very, very good. And you, from the same looking, stay where you are. You, your position is what?

Nothingness.

Okay. Now, same, same place. Try to change this without going to the mind. Allow all thoughts to come and go same way, open and empty. See if it is possible for you to be something other than this nothingness, as you called it—but I may call it awareness or witnessing. See if something can change.

No, that is it.

We didn't have to pick a special moment to look like this. It's always like this. We just gave ourselves a little break from the head, that's all. And the highest truth in the universe is so naturally apparent to all of you just in that one moment of break from the head. There's one moment to open and empty. It is apparent to you that you are not just these perceptions, that you are aware even of perceiving. Stay, stay in your heart. Don't try to understand these words. The words will do the job. That you are aware even of the process of perception, and primarily you are this awareness. And everything else that appears is just on your surface, like waves on the surface of the ocean. You are not in opposition to them. You are not attracted to them. They are just naturally playing out on your surface, and that is completely fine. But without the limiting constructs of the mind, you cannot take yourself to be just one wave, just one set of appearances. That is not what is naturally here. And because it is not naturally here, your mind has to constantly work to convince you that you are limited, you are like this, you are guilty, you are unworthy, you are free—all these ideas. But just a little bit of a break from the head, and that which seems to be the highest scriptural knowledge seems like it is so obvious now. The only trick you have to be careful about is to not insert this understanding, this insight, into your head to try and make it some conceptual understanding so that you can fit it into your narrative or your story. Allow yourself to be storyless, like you are here. The only reason you want to understand this now is because you want to make yourself special. Avoid that temptation. Nothing special has happened to any of you. No story can truly represent this. Don't even try. Don't try to understand. Live like this. Live from here. I promise you that you have not lost anything of value; you have only let go of your suffering. This is the end of time. This is the end of space. You trust this silence. If there is silence in the heart, trust this silence more than every conclusion from the mind, even the highest one. Don't let this silence scare you. It is just withdrawal symptoms from our story. We got used to having to draw conclusions every moment. Allow yourself to be conclusionless. Trust the silence of your heart in the same way that you can trust its guidance also when it comes. Just thank you, Father. Thank you. Thank you. That's really what all that I'm saying. Amazing. Thank you. Let's go to Kunal.

Hello, Father. Oh my god, hello. Um, I feel like there's so much to tell you, but I want to be sure that I say the most important thing. In fact, I can't tell you anything, though, without going to my head.

Tell me the most important thing in your head. That much alone you'll get because I see you after a long time, sir.

I don't know. I think you did some magic on me. My head is feeling empty right now. Nothing's coming right now for some reason. Usually I have a lot to say, but oh my gosh.

Enjoy this. Enjoy it. Yeah, don't try to push it away. Enjoy this. It's okay. We have all the time. Yeah, all the time. Let if something has to emerge, it can emerge from the heart as well. And don't ever feel like you would have missed an opportunity by not exposing what is in the head. A moment spent with your heart is worth much more than whatever the head could have said.

Maybe someone else can speak, Father, because I don't want to take up the time. But it was very nice to see you.

Yes. Yeah, don't—don't rush back to the head at all. Just this is beautiful. Enjoy it. In fact, it's very nice to hear this report because many times I just feel like after these tiny sort of guidance sessions, just feels like: how do you still have a question? How do you still have... there's not any pressure on those of you who have your hands. Sometimes I just wonder like that. Okay, let's hear from Andreas.

Hello. No idea... no, yes. Um, yeah, you—this short guidance... now, um, the question... get a little bit to the side, but I can um still um ask the question. It's pretty similar to um their guidance actually, because I recognized the last weeks that it's really maybe the most important thing is not to use the wrong instrument. Yes, yes. And um then of course, when the seeker starts to do its job and starts not to use the wrong instrument, there emerge like two ways. The one way, what I do often, is pretty similar to the guidance you did: just let everything come and go and don't interact with the thoughts and don't use thoughts, so not feed this thought process. Yes, exactly. And um yeah, let me... what is the other way? That's what I'm curious about. So with this way I've just described, that I don't know really what happened, if it's belief or if it's attention what goes away from the thoughts—maybe it's a mix of both, I don't know. Yes, okay. And the other way is um that I um keep my attention, keep my vigilance more at the thoughts, and then by some grace and by some time the belief um is not so strong or not there and not there anymore. I see, I see what you're saying.

It's fine. That's fine. Yeah, it's completely fine. Neither of those, because in either you're not identifying with the thought. Whatever feels more natural to you, you can just stay with that. Okay? Okay. Because with this I'm hearing is one is a little bit of a—the second one is more of an active observation where attention is actively being used to just observe, but make sure you're not believing like that. And the second is a bit more relaxed to just... yes, yes, attention goes, it's okay; if it doesn't go, it's okay. You see, I'm more of this—this kind I feel. But if the second way is more natural, it's fine too.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Because with the second, with the attention on the thoughts, yeah, I—if it really works well, that then the realization comes that this so-called person is just thought. And this really beautiful experience to see that no person, it's just thoughts flowing through their head or the body. And with these just let come and go and surrender more and don't interact, this first way... somehow this deep 'I' thoughts, 'I am,' I don't see so good in comparison to the way when I really have my attention on this deep 'I' thoughts. And that's why they are... with the first way, just let come and go, they are... um, it's not so good seen that the person is just thought. And that's why sometimes there is some belief in the person, and though the truth is there, but there are sometimes the person rocking in more strongly. I don't know.

Yes. So I would feel like, like I said, as long as you're not believing, it is fine. But what I noticed here—and your report actually brought up some memory of this—is that here at least what happened is that as belief started getting withdrawn, that I noticed that the attention to thought was also not as strong as it used to be. See? So with belief getting withdrawn, with the interest reducing, it just felt like there was not so much attention also going to the thought. But it doesn't have to necessarily play out like that in every expression of consciousness. At least from here, if memory is presenting the right things, then I can report that it seemed to have happened like this: that as belief got withdrawn, then attention was not so easy to keep on thoughts also. It just is here more natural to allow attention to be natural and go wherever it lies. Yes, control it in some way. Yes, yes. Yeah. So stay with your heart, stay with whatever feels natural, and it can be moment to moment. Sometimes you may want to do an active observation of the mind and just allow it to come and go, and sometimes you'll just be like super relaxed about it.

It seemed to have happened like this, that as belief was withdrawn, then attention was not so easy to keep on thoughts also. It just is here, more natural to allow attention to be natural and go wherever it lies. Yes, control it in some way, yes, yes, yeah.

So stay with your heart. Stay with whatever feels natural, and it can be moment to moment. Sometimes you may want to do an active observation of the mind and just allow it to come and go, and sometimes you'll just be like super relaxed about it and it'll come and go. Whatever your heart guides you is fine. So both, both is fine. Yeah, very nice.

Yeah, and one thing. Um, so you say we don't even have to convince ourselves that we are that awareness what we recognize when we let come and go, of course. But in my case, um, often it's like there is first awareness and person, so both. And then there is a thought, 'Ah, I am this awareness,' and then I kind of know I am that. Is that wrong?

Well, we can look. We can look together. So at least in my experience, I never found any tangible person of any sort, you know, any sort of qualitative person. I did not actually find. Yeah.

Identification with the body, I would mean then, um...

So okay, this is a good point. So body sense—body is really just a word, but what we mean is probably the perception of like this and the sensations that we experience. You see, this is what we call the body. Now, just in the perception of it, there is no identification, isn't it? Let's look closely at this because many of us may believe that just in the perception of the sensations that we call the body, that is identification. No. Perception will be there, but identification is to take yourself to be that sensation or yourself to be something that is contained in these sensations, you see. So that would be an identification, and for that, we definitely need to believe in some thought.

Yes, there's no identification with these body sensations right now.

Exactly, exactly. So in fact, there is no distinction that just naturally is made in pure perception between this body, that body, the space between bodies, the couch. All these are labels that just come from the mind later. Yes. But we don't place ourselves naturally as within one container and not in another container, you see. Actually, that whole container idea is nonsense.

Yes. Yeah, maybe then I'm wrong and then I just um, make the mistake sometimes that I have the experience of being awareness, and this can't be true or because awareness is not an experience or...

Well, okay, so experience is a broad term. You can never experience awareness with any phenomenal quality, and never can you experience the person also with any phenomenal quality. Yes, there's some confusion right now here. The confusion in the head is fine. It's good, actually. Yeah, yeah. And can you allow yourself to have opposite constructs without buying too seriously into either of them? That is freedom. You don't have to settle into some conclusion, some truths. The mind is saying, 'Oh, the world is bad, bad.' The mind is saying, 'The world is good, good.' How does it matter so much what the mind is saying? You don't have to conclude. So let both dance. Let both ideas dance. How does it matter? Confusion is what? If you really look at confusion, what is confusion? Trying to squeeze out the truths in this dance of contradictions. Without the attempt to do that, you would not conclude that I am confused. Without that attempt to try and cull out some truthiness from this play of opposites, you would not conclude you're confused. You would just say these thoughts are pretty erratic; one second it's about the opposite of what it is the next second. So confusion is a diagnosis of yourself that you're making based on like how consciousness is playing at that moment, wanting to squeeze out some juice which is true from this interplay of opposites and therefore naturally not. So that whole squeezing attempt is not worth it. Just leave that whole playground. Leave that juice bar over there. Is it apples or oranges? Do I want apples or oranges? Do you want apples, oranges? Like we can get confused like that in a very simple like, 'I think the oranges.' That is confusion. Of course, you will use spiritual concepts instead of apples and oranges, just like this: 'Do I inquire or surrender? What is best for me? Inquiry? Sorry, confused.' Confusion. You're still looking for some truth either way. Just drop both. Don't worry about either. Can there be confusion without your attempt to find some truth? Okay. And the looking for is the play of bondage. See, therefore spiritual seeking is the play of bondage, and so is the conclusion to the opposite, which is that 'I found.' In both, the protagonist is the false one. Like, have you found the truth or are you still seeking? If you start looking for truth in that way, that is confusion, is it? Don't look for conclusions, then you cannot be in any confusion. I'm just speaking in rhyme today. If you're not looking for a conclusion, can you be confused? And what does the conclusion mean? Is this stuff only fun for me? What does the conclusion mean? 'I understood something.' Yeah, you got some truth about something. What is understanding? That you've got some truth about something. 'I know this.' What is 'I know this'? 'I found some reality about something, some truth about something.' And if that attempt was not there to draw the simplest way to describe freedom, how can you be confused if you don't enter your mind? Can you be confused? Okay, so suppose now the only way to get confused is to enter the mind. Now, just with attention to mind, can you get confused? You can observe this. It's just with attention. No relating, no believing, no identifying. Just attention. Not possible. So in the report about being confused, we are stepping away from both the things that we talked about. One is like the active observation of the mind, and the second is just a relaxed openness. Now we are talking about neither. We have gone into the playground which is now like the war zone. When we enter the playground with our belief, it goes from playground to war zone. So now we've made it a war zone. And you enter without the military, just looking at it, it's fine. It's a pleasure. But there's actually no need to even look. It's fine if you end up looking, it's fine, but there's no actual need. Why look at what's happening in the playground unless you plan to enter it? Let me know. You can live in your heart, no trouble. Lifetimes, of course, you may have this idea that 'If I live in my heart, this is my last life.' It's okay, it's okay. Nothing will force you into the next lifetime. Simple or confused, but simple or not confused.

So innocently saying, who's doing it? Many making coyotes. Just in this, in your guidance right now, went to a experientially to a point where it was, it was, it is, but it is, but somehow you know that's that sense of complete openness where even the sensations of the body disappeared and it's just, you know, so this one weighted, you know, the idea of complete openness. Yeah, and then the full bait and switch, and then there's a seeking to go back.

See, that's what the bait and switch is like. He baits you with a seemingly helpful thing. Like you bait someone, 'Come, come, come, I've got some chocolate cake for you,' but when they come, slap! It's called the bait and switch. So the mind baits you like that. 'Come, come, yeah, I'm taking you to higher than this. I have complete openness, complete, come, come.' But what happened? Even that openness which is there, which says incomplete, gone back into solving, back into problem, back into here, back into seeking. Like you said, believe that if you had no idea about how it is meant to be, you would allow yourself to meet fresh God. See, your mind says this should go, that even this sensation is not there. You see all this? It takes the highest idea, but that's why I said trust your silence of the heart much more than the highest motion from the head. It has no idea about it. It seems like most who are drawn to the satsang have had years of search, years of inquiry, years of years of thing, and they come here and they just listen to this and they just like, 'I can't argue with it. It's apparent.' You know, just following the words in satsang or just being in satsang, it's apparent. But this can't be it. This can't be it. This is too simple. I have been inquiring for so many years. It is, it is simpler than simplest. How much effort you need to be to exist? How are you with how much effort are you holding up existence? And to be aware of this existence? Okay, very good. Anything else, my dear? Good. Okay, go to the next one. Thank you.

Okay, hello. Oh, beautiful of love. You have a free space for us. We love you. We love you all, former flatmates right here. Very formal, Sami. Yes, love you all. Thank you, and thank you to the online sangha as well. It's a good moment now to share that today's Good Friday in the Orthodox Church and they celebrate Jesus for us. Yes, it's one week later, maybe. I see, I see. Okay, okay. Yeah, so yeah, make his crazy vibe our hearts and be always ready and with us.

Self-inquiry basically uses the simple question: Who am I? So you just start with that question, who am I? And then some answer may appear in your head, what we call the mind. This is familiar to you. When we say like that, a thought arises. So instead of going with the thought or believing what the thought is saying, you ask yourself: What witnesses or who witnesses even that thought? You see? So you don't settle for a conceptual answer. You don't settle for an answer from the mind, and you keep asking: What is witnessing even that? Then you will notice that an answer becomes clear, but it is not a thought. That is the fruit of the self-inquiry. We may later talk about it and say, 'Yes, I discovered myself,' or 'I found that I was awareness,' or 'I am awareness,' but actually the answer is beyond these words. And that is why self-inquiry helps us go from the head, which is mental answers, to the heart, which is not the physical heart but our intuitive center. So when you inquire, the instructions are very simple. Just start with 'Who am I?' and then whatever answer comes, don't get into the content of the answer so much. Just find out what watches or who watches even this thought. Who is watching this? That's very simple self-inquiry. And if you try it out, then you report back to me when we meet next. Yes, when I see you next time. Only if you feel, only if you feel to try. There is no rush. And do you want to share with Father your conclusion of the satsang?

Colleen said to me that he is very happy that he came to see you because now he realizes he is not just the body. So, so good. Thank you, Father. Thank you for everything. Thank you. We love you. It was one of my prayers because you're sharing with Kavita, he was so beautiful and yeah, this prayer still remained. And then you, you kind of pushed it away with your discussion with Mr. Brother here in the room, and then I thought, 'Oh, what am I going to pray for now?' Thank you, thank you.

You're like, 'This is no fun because we're not dancing for a couple of weeks, for a few weeks.' And then what would happen is what we had to dance for, what? For my birthday visit or something, we had a bit of singing and some dancing and things like this. After that, Anna would just come to me every satsang and she would be like, without words, yeah, she'd just be telling me, 'Okay, stop all this, start dancing, come, come.' Yes, and eat your food as well. Please enjoy, always enjoy, my child. Love you, Father. We are very blessed. Thank you, thank you. Okay, let's go to larger. Oh, hmm. Let's go to Jada. Hello, my dear. You know your thing has become very famous, your name, say Jada spelled differently. She's making a lot of videos all over the world. I couldn't get it. You don't know this? No, talk to me. This is making a joke which I thought everybody will resonate with. What, nobody loves us? You always know what to do, Father. You know that I'm a little bit sad, you're making jokes. I saw the little bit, you know.

Very blessed. Thank you, thank you. Okay, let's go to Jada. Hello, my dear. You know, your name has become very famous. Jada, spelled differently, she's making a lot of videos all over the world.

I couldn't get it. You don't know this? No. Talk to me.

This is making a joke which I thought everybody will resonate with, but nobody loves us. You always know what to do, Father.

You know that I'm a little bit sad. You're making jokes. I saw the little bit, you know, sadness. I had to start with a joke. After the broadcast, it's not so easy to speak when you are so much entangled in your mind and there is so much concept.

Are you now? Now he's now, but I am not. No matter how powerful the mind seems and no matter how entangled we may seem to be with the mind, it does not survive fresh God. Fresh God is here now. It's going, the light. Yeah, it's like okay, I can see you.

Yeah, it seems. Please give me a little time because I want to sit with you. You know, actually there is no problem, but just mind. That's it, that's it. Every session, actually, you know, there is no problem. It's only the mind. Finished. So I'm not sure if I have to touch the mind and bring something to you, but I feel like... may I just ask for, I don't know, is the one week gap too much of the broadcast? I feel because last week when we met, or was it the week before that when we met, we were just in the heart so much. I was so happy to see.

So just heart now. What made you go back into the war zone of the head? But did you say sorry? Right, it's still here. It's still there. It's not obscured.

It's just, uh, no, it's still there. This vastness, it's unchangingly and really just you somehow revealed it. Yeah, it's there. You revealed it. But I feel like it's, you know, even what I'm experiencing, they are, they were, they're just life exposing them now and they are working out because, yeah, this was my prayer and then...

That's very good. That's very good to hear because these things will be vomited out. It's okay, that's okay. So, but what I want to tell you is that the house that you found in your heart, you can just live there. There's no problem. All the other things can buzz around a little bit like that, like that. It's okay. You see, something sometimes something may get believed and it starts to poke you, it starts to make you suffer a little bit. Then it's a good time to notice, okay, what did I grasp? You see, what is the... what am I holding which seems true from the head? And when it starts to pinch us, then it's a good time to let it go and return to our home. It's just like we've never left the home, but we just went on a daydream. Just went on a daydream, a mental adventure.

Yeah, Father. I'm just so happy that whatever concept, even spiritual concepts are going around, and heart knows. And yeah, you have directed me to my heart and yeah, so no problem. But one thing is that it's still here. And before I ask you also, like, some weaknesses and not liking myself again present here. After I expose it to you, somehow such power and strength come through me, come from me. It's like, as I always said, my Father works through me. But now, I don't know, it's like there is something like in my character. Not some muscles are being made, some weaknesses, and I just want to... it's, I don't know, like for English, I just want to ask for an authority. I don't know if it is okay to ask for this, but I feel like I need it. I just want to maturity, authority. What is the word? Authority.

Authority. Authority means what? In my English, not so good. What is the authority? Can you expand on that?

Yeah, I will. Like, okay, I'm not able to... just give me a little time, Father. Yes, you can see. In how do you... how are you... what are you translating from? Is it Arabic? Is it what is the language? English authority from what language please? Because I feel like somebody could have translated from the sangha that is here. Anyone else who knows Turkish? I cannot understand. I don't know what's the problem now. Like, you know, okay, like I was so such... it's like maybe I always want to be winner and life was allowing me to be a winner all the time. But now it again doesn't allow me at all. Even though I do, I behave the same way, I'm not winner anymore and it bothers me. I always want to win.

Certificate? Is authority like certificate? Like you want a certificate or a prize like that? What is authority?

Like, no, no. Like, what? Like, no. Okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry, my head is gone. Maybe I cannot... maybe that... oh, sorry. Like, I'm weak. I find myself weak. Okay, I can say that some people are really, they are being very respected and I'm not. I'm always loud as a child, but I don't have this kind of strong presence. Or this is what I say authority, and I want this somehow.

You want to be like respected and poised and speak in a fine manner. People should just sit around you and say, 'Wow, wow,' like that. When we talk like this, it seems funny, but I don't know what would that be. I saw some people who have this kind of presence and I just love to see it, you know. Is it that presence or is it the... okay, now English... so, demeanor? By presence, do you mean just the way the body acts out is presence, or what do you mean by presence?

No, their very being. Whatever they do, they are... it's not about being, it's not about behaving, you know, but because they are like this.

The being is the very same material. It's one being. So there is not one little bit of difference in the being. In fact, it is all of this is one being, you see. And it's not like all of this is and it's not, but there are no true beings. Like, the presence is not the birthright of a particular body to have a particular type of presence. You mean the quality that you taste around some people like that? Something like this? Or do you mean this? Please repeat. You mean the quality of the taste of their fragrance? Is it like this when you're around?

Okay, I will give an example and it will clarify everything, Inshallah. So first time I will expose it, it's made me really sad. First time when I met with Guruji and then turned back to my country with another sangha members, you know, we all came back in the same place. We have a gathering, Sufi gathering anyway. They were all just so shining, you know. Guruji is like, it loves your soybeans and all the people just like, 'Wow, what are they?' It was in that way. And someone came to me and was talking about one of our sangha member and its light and all these things. And I... oh my God, it's just so tragically comic, so tragically funny. So she came and she came and told me this, and then I said, 'Oh, I also went to Guruji,' and she said, 'Oh, you too?' I mean, I was not able to... it's like, okay, if I... it's like I always feel like my character. Yeah, this is how I feel my character, you know. I always feel your light, your love with me, but somehow this structure, it's like the light cannot move through this structure because it's not strong. Like, I don't know yet. Like, but then I went there...

None of this. You must not believe any of this. It is not true.

Yeah, when I burp them, they are just so meaningless. But I have to burp because they troubled me somehow.

It's good to expose this. Is it good to expose this? Because many of us in all sanghas actually have this sense of unworthiness and they feel like, 'Look at everyone else how they are shining, but if they knew what's happening with me, then they would just throw me out of somewhere,' you know. Most people have this kind of thing for some reason or the other, and it is completely not needed. I mean, it's not true and it's not needed at all. Just not true. Whichever instrument is made available for God's light, fully available for God's light, that instrument has no option but to shine. It's not that the instrument is ever made badly. You don't ever believe that that one particular instrument is made badly or something. Whichever instrument truly surrenders to God's light in their heart, God's light has to shine from that instrument. God does not be confused like this. God does not pick and choose and say, 'Oh, you? No, no, maybe next life.' God is not saying like that.

Thank you for listening to my nonsenses, but I really had to expose them because they really bother me. These two things really somehow here and yeah, maybe I can again believe, but they are nothing because I know how also your presence is here and do its own work.

Okay, don't worry about this. Oh my God, again no problem. There is please no problem. It's strange. What is to surrender to God's light? Same. Headless. Stay in the unborn. Stay motionless at the same point.

But may I say one more thing? I want to also share this. You know, Satguru is coming to Turkey and I really love him so, so much. And I'm so happy because no one comes to Turkey in general anyway. It's a great chance. And I'm so happy that I'm also given so much responsibility somehow in arrangement. And of course, it's only by your grace that I can take such responsibility. But there is so much things in my mind, you know, like some people also before came and told me, 'Do you have Guru? Why you are going to another?' or something. But I never see in that way, you know. It's like Mooji Baba and finished. And now also after Guruji brought me to also you, I mean finished. And of course I love them, but somehow they are speaking like this, make me guilty, you know. I initially love them. It's like I shouldn't love them. I'm now doing in service. I mean, I know that somehow I'm here and I feel totally okay with it, but it's like this thing I just wanted to expose, just this.

Yes, just follow your heart. You're fine. I want to tell you a story. We used to have... I hadn't started sharing satsang those days. This is from about ten years ago, maybe. Remember this? But one sangha brother from Guruji's sangha came to Bangalore to visit and he spent some time with us on Friday. Just, I met him like this and a few of you were there. And the next day was the satsang DVD recording that we were playing of Guruji. So he said that next day he's visiting Satguru because he's coming to Bangalore, the Guruji that calls himself that we talk about in the heart. So he was coming to Bangalore. So he was asking me whether he should come and attend the DVD satsang or he should go to that session that was happening. So I said to him that he can follow his heart and whatever intuitive guidance. But in my heart, I felt like he's going to come for the DVD. But he didn't come. So but he met me like the Monday or a day after that and I asked him, 'So where were you?' So he said, 'I'm so happy, I'm so happy that I went, you know.' And so I said, 'How come? How come you're happy with me?' He said, 'I'm so happy that I went because it was then that I realized that this is not for me.' So follow your heart, but don't predict what your heart is going to show you. I'm not saying you'll have the same experience. You may feel very happy and you may feel that it is for you, but I'm just saying that instead of following some conceptual rules and guidelines, you can follow your heart. Your heart will always guide you in the right way. I just wanted to share this thought.

I, yeah, I don't want to hide or something. I just wanted to share because you are my Father, so I just want to let you know actually. Thank you, thank you. And I just want to say that all the service I'm doing here, I just want to dedicate to Guruji.

Okay, let's go to 11.

Hello, nice to see you. I do not really have a question. There was just a lot of anxiety here during the satsang, or I was almost falling asleep. So I thought I just raised my hand and it's more quiet now. So good, cool.

So that sounds like a very strange satsang actually in this. All right, I'm just making a bit of a joke. Okay, so that sounds like a very strange satsang where in the waking state it's just anxiety, anxiety, anxiety and then it's good. So I missed most of your satsang just after I raised my hands. I was... everything was going down. Awake, also missed most.

In satsang, I was almost falling asleep, so I thought I'd just raise my hand. It's more quiet now, so that's good. Cool.

So that sounds like a very strange satsang, actually. I'm just making a bit of a joke. Okay, so that sounds like a very strange satsang where in the waking state it's just anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, and then it's good.

So I missed most of your satsang just after I raised my hands. Everything was going down. Awake, also missed most of my satsang.

Oh, then we can have the recording. Don't force yourself too much to do something or not do something. That's okay.

Yes. No question, just thank you. I really don't have anything to really say, but I'm just sitting with my mom here. She's really good now. She's happy, she's healthy now. Yeah, she's healthy, her condition is stable. And it's been a ride. I've never served her so much as I have served in the last one month. So it has been—I have nothing planned. What I'm saying now is just we are here. And in your words, as usual, I have been driving the scooter. She is running a small meditation center in Rishikesh. This is nine kilometers from Lakshman Jhula. It's in the mountains. There's a river in front of the house. Very nice. I stay in the ocean also. Was in the body at that time, then all meditation.

During the day, you know, sometimes these pointers, they just—some pointers, they really come, and not just intellectually, but they really go deep from what you say. Or from like, 'stay as you are,' and it would just come in and really take the whole thing down, so to say. Because the habit for identification as the seeker, when it starts, then some pointers will just come. And they just take down the whole, so to say, the whole showdown. So grateful for your much love to both.

I just wanted to expose something. Then last time I spoke to you, then after that, that next song was like, just in the beginning, I just realized that space, that openness, that emptiness. And I was so feeling good that—and it was just for as a glimpse, it was not—it didn't stay. But after that, there was a great—like, it happened because of you. So I just go to you. It will be easy, not possible to come, is it? No, but then there was a thought: 'I don't want to work on myself, but I just want to grab it easily.' You know?

Every thought is just a thought. Don't give too much value to any of these. Just a thought. It came, it went. It may come back again. It's okay.

Then there was the feeling that I'm not worthy and still I'm demanding.

All of you are God. All of you are consciousness. One consciousness. All of us are one consciousness. So these ideas of separation of unworthiness or qualification and how devoted we are—all of this is just in the mind. Don't worry. None of it is true. How does it matter which thought pops up?

Yeah, but sometimes I just strongly believe in all those things and then get involved in all these things.

So those which you end up believing in, those you can surrender or inquire.

Only good one good thing is there. Okay, like there was so many things which I was not aware in my own—like these things are inside me and those are getting revealed.

Yes, and don't say revealed. Reveal this halfway. Don't say reveal; they're getting released. Yeah, you see? 'I didn't realize so much was here which I didn't know. Now it is getting exposed and it is going.' It is not revealed.

You always make it simple.

Because all of this spirituality, the spiritual notions—you know, what are we talking about? We're talking about God, we're talking about existence, we're talking about the Self. Now, how can any of these things be far or difficult or need qualifications? How could it be possible that there is a God who has said, 'No, no, Punam has to be 95 on the scorecard of devotion, 90 on the scorecard of inquiry, only then she will pass through my door'? What kind of God would that be? Would somebody want a God like that who is a school teacher, a headmaster God? So God is the very simplicity of your being, of your existence. What can create distance between you and what? What travel do you have to do to meet God? It's—you're right that it is the spiritual constructs which have been given to point us to this in some way, and they have served their purpose at some level. But now that you're in such a direct sort of environment, you can just come to the direct insight of it rather than rely on those concepts now.

Yeah, I just want to surrender at your feet because I get so much stuck in all these things. Sometimes it seems so difficult to come out of it. Then I feel so much entangled and then feel frustrated. 'Oh my God, I can't do it.' And most of this is spiritual, right?

Right. Most of the time, yes.

Still material is also there. It's not that it is gone because identification is still there. But yes, there is a little bit opening because earlier I was like one with that identification. There is some gap now.

So will you surrender your spiritual encyclopedia to me today?

Yes, definitely, because I'm fed up with all these things.

You were here when we were talking about confusion?

No, because first hour I missed. Someone came and then I had to attend.

Okay, then first hour is missed. You can hear the recording, which will clarify a lot of this for us, right? All this spiritual confusion and frustration and suffering is because of our need to draw conclusions. We need to make an idea about ourselves. But yourself is so big, it is so broad, it is so vast that no idea is possible to make about it.

Yeah, all these things actually I realized. And substantially, like most of the time I'm trying to conclude. 'Okay, okay fine, now I understood. Okay, no, I don't. Still I'm hanging on this, still I'm doing this.' All these things going on all the time.

Very good. Now you spotted it. You see, your spotting it is more than enough. You see, there's nothing else you can do but notice. Because if you start to think about it, then you will start feeling guilty and unworthy, all that.

Yeah, it goes on. It's not that it doesn't. But sometimes I start and then what happens—like I start thinking of thinking. You know, I'm thinking again.

Exactly. Thinking about thinking is meta-thinking. Meta-thinking is just thinking also.

Yeah, then there is a like awareness. 'Okay, again I'm thinking of thinking.' That's a like circle again and again I'm into that and I feel like I'm actually roaming round and round and nothing else is happening without your help.

Yeah, what's happening?

Yeah, sometimes there is a doubt also like you actually—

Let's try together, okay? Right now, without your head, what is your condition?

Actually nothing. And I cannot make it out for us.

That was too fast. There's no rush. Don't worry. Who's watching? What's happening? Just take your time now. Again, open and empty. Fresh, fresh, fresh. Empty, empty, empty. The blackboard is all clean now. Let everything come and go. Now, if there is a fragrant report from your heart which is conveying your condition, you can share that. Otherwise, trust the silence more.

Nothing is coming. Take your time. Actually here I feel most of the time I just go blank.

That's right. The whole theme in some way of today's satsang is trust the silence of your heart more than you trust the highest words of your head. See? So even the silence of the heart is worth much more than our highest conclusion in the head.

Here doubt comes like, 'I have numbed the feeling and I have numbed everything, that is why I'm not feeling anything.'

So that is all in the head, man. That is all right. So it all comes.

Yeah, so let it come.

We are not bothered about what is coming in the head. Enough time worrying about that. Now let it happen, whatever is going on in the head. Don't worry. It's like traffic on the road. You don't have to count how many red cars, how many blue cars, how many years. Doesn't matter. This traffic is flowing. Just become open and empty like that and then tell me what your heart is saying, if anything at all.

Nothing is coming. It's just that I feel like it's incomplete.

Yeah, but that's not your heart's fragrance.

No, maybe I'm searching the feeling of completeness because those glimpses gave me that feeling. Maybe I'm searching though.

Evaluative tendency of evaluating is also in the mind. The heart is not looking at some experience and saying no. Actually there is like it—nothing like that. There is nothing and it is not looking also. It is not searching. But these things are coming up and then I get confused, you know? 'No, I'm still doing something wrong.'

Don't look for any satisfaction in the mind. Don't look for any conclusion, some final idea. Then let the mind be confused.

Why do I feel stuck all the time? Like it's just there is a wall and I am not able to go beyond that.

Yes, because the mind proposes this to you. In reality, it's impossible to be stuck because stuck implies that you have to go somewhere, you see? Only if you have to go somewhere can some obstacle come and you get stuck. No? Now if you didn't have to go anywhere, only it is your reality, it is the reality itself, and there's no notion of being stuck.

Maybe these things are like glued in my tasting and I feel like, you know, I'm doing everything wrong, then I'm not honest and all that.

You can smell this voice. You can smell the voice from your head.

Yeah, that's clear now. Earlier I couldn't recognize, but now I can see it.

That itself is so beautiful because most of humanity doesn't even realize that the voice in the head is not their words. Okay? Yes, if there is a difference for one who can recognize this, for one who can recognize that this is not fragrant, it is not coming from my heart, it is smelly—that itself is a great gift.

Yeah, immediately position shifted actually.

Don't track yourself. Don't have to be a policeman of spirituality.

Sometimes I just feel I'm not open and I'm not empty. Maybe this is also head. I need to say this.

Don't judge yourself in any way. Thank you. Everybody is fully worthy, fully deserving, fully here. God is their very presence. There is no exception to this. There is nobody's house where God is not living. There is nobody's heart which is empty of the presence of the Lord. Thank you so much. Okay, let's go to Paula.

Hello, Father. Yeah, I can't see you.

Can't see me? Okay, now you—

Yeah, now. Oh, I'm not sure what to say now. Oh, it was just such a pull to come to you. Um, you just said a few moments ago that don't judge yourself in any way and maybe there's been a lot of judgments lately about behavior.

Yes. Um, so drop them.

Ah, say again?

Drop them.

Drop them. Yeah. No, no, not now, not now. Um, but just to make sure that thing literally happening again—I don't know, we're not able to hear you—so maybe that they're not coming again in the future, maybe that's why I'm bringing them again.

As long as it's not about 'could some of them have been true,' as long as it's not about that, it's all right.

What do you mean? I don't understand that.

Yes, that you said that some judgments came because of some activities in the body. Some judgment came, then I said drop them. You said already dropped. Then you said that there's some fear about them coming back, you see? But it's not their coming back which is the problem; it is the potential they could have of your belief. Is it? Because thoughts can keep—but that's okay. So there the fear is about whether if they come back there's still an attraction to the truths, apparent truth, that they could be speaking about you. That you can surrender. That you can surrender because the fear is about—the judgment is gone now, but maybe it was actually true and it is going to come back and trouble me. So you can surrender that right now. This is not true. The head is not big enough to judge anything, you know that.

Um, maybe what I feel is about that I'm still looking for experiences and to satisfy the cravings of body, mind, and all that. And that it's probably true, I don't know, but that is the belief.