The Way Is Moment to Moment - 31st October 2022

Okay, so what have we covered? We covered that we cannot use the wrong tools to come to the discovery, and then we are really contemplating: what is all of this for? What is all of this for? Because you see that you don't exist in an instance. You that you thought yourself to be don't exist. You see it in an instant. The ego is not found in any of these contemplations. So then, what is the right path to follow upon discovering the truth of who you are? The absence of the you that you took yourself to be. Upon discovering that, if we insist on the truth of the non-existent one and expect the holy truth to be in service to that, is it not the greatest folly we can make? Does that belong to you?

So, I was not able to ask that deep. No, it was like, yes, I understand somehow that that is...

If your answer is yes, it is fine, as long as it is from the heart. And you know the usual idea behind that question? The usual idea is that: is this presence something that you as an individual—exactly the point that we covered just now—that you as an individual have ownership for and therefore expect that being to serve you? You see? 'God, please help me.' And then you say that no, it's not something that belongs to the notion. But if you're speaking from the heart and the heart is taking the perspective of the Self and you say, 'It is my being, it belongs to me,' and the answer comes in, you're not going to be great with it. Are you living in God's light or in the ego's shadow? And it's two completely different roads. You can't say, 'I'm going on this road and I may go to Krishna.' That may be the same road. You may decide to stop at Krishna, really, and not go to... but this is divergent direction. The view of the heart and the view of the head will not align. The lane is too narrow; only God or me. It is not big enough. Your heart is not big enough for the both of you.

And don't run in the guise of any intellectual pursuit. There's no concept that you will discover uniquely, okay? Everything is there. Most of what you'll come up with is already written somewhere. So don't go on that journey that 'I will compute now the best way to find God.' So let go of that endeavor. God is here. God is being served in raw innocence and simplicity. If you truly want to meet God, you have no excuses not to. But don't expect life to become better. Still want God? Still want to know? Because it is going to happen that if you try to manage both head and heart, life does seem to actually get worse. Many may report that, 'Actually, I was better off before coming.' Because the dark spots that we have as our selfishness will start to focus now. The 'what about me?' Because what you're discovering is quite radical. God is very simple. All of you are discovering that God is very simple. You felt like it's going to be a multi-lifetime trajectory, 'I may not get anything.' Many years on the path where you wanted God, God is being made available. But the complexity is to let go of the selfishness. What do you want to serve? The non-existent one?

The notion of Guru dakshina in India, the return gift to the master for all that he is giving you, had no boundary because the guru could ask for anything. The best archer was made to give up his thumb. So that's a useful contemplation: that in return for finding what you're finding, what would you close your heart to if that request came to you from your inner Satguru presence? Not even another one, such an inner presence. The demand was clear. What would you hold back on? Being right about something? Hold on to that? About something specific or something just like anything? You mean everything or any one thing? I say, 'Okay, my son, with him you are now done, fully cooked, enlightened. You're ready to shed, go spread the word.' And I say, 'But where's my Guru dakshina?' And I say, 'Okay, now the only condition to all of this, to your enlightenment, is that you cannot be right about like one particular thing or anything.' 'No, no, take back the enlightenment. Let me be right.' No, I'm making it sound strange, but this is—this is the crux of it. This is. And you will encounter it more and more because our attachment to 'my will,' 'my idea,' can have a vision to the idea of the will of God or obedience to the will of God. What would the resistance be for? God is everything, He knows everything, you see. It's boundless. You're finding all of these things and yet, 'I don't want God to mess me up what it is wrong just about one thing, which is my life that I want to run.' Why do you want to be right? Is it a purely intellectual like... and this one?

So, I don't know which game you thought you were stepping into. This is the actual game being played here. Render yourself halfway to God? Half surrender is just dealing with Him. Fully surrendered, then the mind cannot push a button, it cannot invite you back in. In God's light, these very attachments, these very desires, these very righteousness—even in spirituality, you may say, 'Oh, what I found to come to this, or what I'm finding now, is the best part, is the only living.' So we may want to become right about that.

I always believe that, yes, like whatever I was doing, I felt like that is the best thing in the world. There is no better path.

But we don't know. That is why that softness in the head is very important. Because you're still attached to what meaningful would be. How would it be a waste? Only in benchmark in relationship to that. What would be meaningful then? If like my life is always... so we've already determined then that I have the capacity in my head to determine what would make a good life. Do you know goodness in your head? You want to become—would you become Elon Musk or something? Would that be a good life? Do we know? We don't know. We want to become—for example, if you say, 'I want to become like you, Ananta.' Would that be a good life? You don't really know. You may decide to follow, but the outcome must be left over. So the desire or aversion comes from a conceptual idea of what should be, and both are the same, two sides of the same coin. Do you know God's light within you anymore? Like taking some protein. That is why the clarification of the tools is important. Is eternity alien to you? Timelessness? It's alien to your head. So why do you know eternity? Not alien to the head in the sense of you may have a notion about it—operating eternal God, really old guy sitting somewhere—because we cannot fathom the timeless. Can you imagine a timeless? I will imagine dark, empty space. It's not the time, it's not gone. But there is an aspect within you where this is clear to you. My only job is to clean up, you see. That instrument has been hiding. So I don't know how many million...

Eternity is alien to you. Timelessness—it's alien to your head. So why do you know eternity? It is not alien to the head in the sense of you may have a notion about it operating: 'Eternal God, really old guy sitting somewhere.' Because we cannot fathom what timeless is. Can you imagine a timeless? 'I will imagine dark empty space.' It's not that. Time is not gone, but there is an aspect within you where this is clear to you. My only job is to clean up. You see, that instrument has been hiding for I don't know how many million years. My job is to clean it up and show you. Yeah, yeah, it's hard through your inner insight, completely tangible, higher than a worldly experience.

So when we pick on Arjun sometimes, saying that okay, he fell for the same trick and wanted to see the Virat Roop, it is not that we are saying that the palpability of God cannot be experienced. But through perceptual means, what you wish was possibly the highest conceptualization possible. But there is an even greater seeing which is available to you right now, but you cannot do it in your head and you cannot do it within Maya—the measurable, measurable and the miserable. So, is this your living experience or what? Why the sheepishness? Not had a long break. No more doubt. What is it? Is it the fear of being arrogant?

It is when I heard, for example, I was getting to Papaji: Is God's light palpable to you right now? At that moment? Now. Now. Not that one. Now. Yes. You're going from yes, yes. Meet the question. Don't let your mind wander. Meet, because this is the crux of it and it takes no time. So you don't have to put him in narrative. You don't have to say what happened yesterday. Is God here now? That's it. Live here. Live here with no excuses. 'With my practical life...' There is no life without God. 'My family, but my relationship, but my...' God's problem. Don't make excuses to run away and at least say, 'I'm just too scared.' Okay. But 'my practical life'—don't rationalize it. Say, 'I'm scared of the solution because the light is too strong and I cannot fathom it. I cannot understand it.' The minute I step in with one, two in the pool of life, fear grips me down to run from this seeming death. It's fine. That's fine too. Yes, very good. There you go.

So what do we do? What is the Guru Dakshina? You would deny me time with the attachments, whatever, whatever, to make a commitment to live in the will of God, to the presence of God. You don't know. Until we can embrace that 'I don't know' for you, then it is just lip service to God. And also you can confront the notions of this, like maybe you have some ideas of a God which is angry or wants something from you or something like that. What prevents you from being open-handed and open-hearted? That is the question. Because the mind will use those very same things in your forty days and nights. 'I'm losing it.' So what is your value spectrum? What comes on top? And it's very good to become full of integrity about that. Very good. Because then we move away from the lip service, armchair spirituality saying, 'God is number one for me,' but when push comes to shove, then it's over.

So, money would be nice to have, my children with me would be nice to have, this one... yeah, I want to follow God's will, but I am still attached to... that's fine. At least you bring it in your light instead of hiding it under the carpet. You see? Because God knows that what is being asked of you in the human condition, it can sound like the ultimate sacrifice. It is not that God is unintelligent, but to meet it in hypocrisy is what keeps us. So when we divide ourselves—the spiritual part of me which is like willing to give everything to God, but then there's a practical life and you have to manage things, you know, balance—that is our greatest disservice to ourselves. It takes us away from clarity. Say, 'Help me to overcome this' or be honest with your attachments. About your attachments, there's no shame in that because you're only in denial from your own self.

Whether I've been sharing this story again and again, where a father has two sons and the father says, 'This is needed to be done in the farm.' So one says, because they consider themselves very beautiful and very obedient, 'Yes, Father, I'll do it.' The other son says, 'No, I won't do it.' Neither son does it, but which one is the better son? It's really important to come out of denial. Like, why would I need to have to God and the lights in to end up? Pain can come. You may lose your family, but you don't leave the God for it. Yes. And who's in charge of faith? God. There's no... because I'm following what this is happening is, it's like... so there is a question of: what if it did? Yeah, I'm trying to understand that. What if every single attachment you have was asked of you? Instead of trying to rationalize it and see what it won't ever happen—'God is not like that'—ah, instead of trying to rationalize it, meet your fear. Meet your attachment. Be open about them. Shine your light on them. Because this sort of armchair rationalization keeps us away from the truth of who we are.

When we get into this—I've seen it for eleven years now—kids will come and say, 'Father, I'm at your feet. Come what may. You ask me for my head, I will give you.' Really? When you lose this duplicity, the duality, then you like that channel there? No, no. At this point, I may give up my job and I give up this thing, but I can't give up my kids. It's fine. At least then we are not hiding. So let's admit it first. Okay, we don't know what will happen to life once you accept to be fully in God's presence. We don't know. Even in them, of course, we don't know. In the mind also, it uses this pretense, control of planning and doing. But this is like jumping into the wide ocean with no concept of how it will play out. Why do you do it? Because it is true. Truth for truth's sake will not accept the unreasonable, irrational nature of God's belief. Amazing. While we are still attached. And when I say unreasonable, it is beyond our ability to rationalize. Will not give up on your head while you still value it. Where are your attachments? Where are you? Give me your head. Because with your head on, you cannot find God. You will not give it because there are attachments there.

So what am I saying? I'm saying very good to shine your light on these attachments and with the best, open-heartedly surrender them to God's will. God will not become part of your plans. Most of us in today's modern world, we come to satsang believing that I am making God a part of my life. God is upside down. I feel like I need to make some space for God also. Ten things, I'll give the perfect balance, right? And jump into the void halfway or ten percent. You cannot gift yourself God ten percent. Gift yourself fully to God, then God is fully your gift. What keeps you from meeting yourself? I've shown you the tool. The insight is immediate, immediately now. What gives you the inability to meet God? Stupid thought. And the thoughts revolve around what we are attached to, what our plan is, what control we still want. So the feast is at the table. What makes you run?

Now you can't say, 'I don't know which knife and fork to use.' I have told you. Silliness, three times a week. So you must be angry. What makes you run? Just like that cat story. You were born in the world without mirrors and then everybody, when you were born, you were told you were a cat and your job is to get the next bowl of milk. So we were told education is the key. Once you're well educated, everything will be fine in your life. Society lies to us, saying that get a good education, you'll have a happy life. So we lapped it up to that pool of many, many of us. I lapped it up. Is it? But what is the happiness I was promised? No, no, no. Now you have to settle down. So I have to settle down. Once you settle down, find the best partner, then you'll have a happy life. So then settle down, found a partner around the world, whatever. Didn't happen. You say, 'No, no, but you need security, money.' That job, nine to ten or whatever, nine to five is mythical. Your system for that, for bank balance is growing, of course. Burden is also growing, everything. But you feel like you may come to a point where you feel like, 'Okay, where is the happiness?' This loan, that loan, that kids want to do this, they want to do that.

Okay, no, no. Actually, I lied to you. All this is my... all these bowls of milk are not the true gold. What you need to find is enlightenment, Moksha, Nirvana. Go to that bowl of milk and then you will have eternal contentment and happiness. Most of us, like cats, are looking for that when we first enter the satsang. And most of us, for most of you, this is not your first rodeo, not your first spiritual experience. For most of you, you've been there, you've been to various places. What happened? You may have got some joy from the practices, you may have got some joy from the teaching, you may have got... and you know, no, it won't do. I need to find some place where I can really truly discover myself. Come to direct Nirvana, straight dive into Mukti. Now you come to satsang and the Master says, 'Bowl of milk, but where's the cat?' And you say, 'But...' How does that help the cat?

Yeah, so this is called words of... then when you started, you know, and I see there's no cat, but I can't yet give up on the cat. Does the seeing that there is no cat help me get the bowl of milk? Does my Atma Gyan make me an enlightened series? We may have... so what to do now? Stop. Either give up on God or give up on the cat. The lame is both will not have a happy relationship to him. Of course, it's fully rhetorical. We know what we have to give up on. Just bringing the problem into focus because you may think it's something else. You may think it's your partner, you may think it's your job, you may think something else, your body. Meaning, how does this help you? What's in it for me? Our value treatments have become so aligned to that question that even God should be subservient to him. How can you jump into the not-knowing, the unborn, if you still tie yourself up to something in the world?

And this fear catches most of the journey. Even Guruji says the mind used to come and tell them, 'If you keep going like this, you're going to become a hunchback or beggar on the streets of Brixton like Quasimodo.' It's not index.

My heart, what you're saying, I always... not just the front of me, there's something else and I was happy to be in two boats. So sometimes you lose God and sometimes with me.

How do you know you're happy? No, I mean you were used to being in two boats. This is used to being... was used to being in two is true. And that's not now. You are pushing so hard, yeah, that that other boat, yeah, it's now jumping up and down. And that is where this term, which I feel like is very helpful, came out. Princess on that day, like we may feel like we can straddle two boats—one foot here, one foot there. But if you see from my eyes, that's just a comfortable hell. Comfortable seeming hell. See you, comfortable seeming hell. To take yourself to be a tiny and one moment, himself to be that which is beyond all the universes the next moment. You're not a comfortable YouTuber, but the mind says, 'But you can manage this.' And then we categorize, 'Oh, but this is knowledge.' Absolutely the denial. No knowledge which allows you to deny your true nature is useful to you.

And nobody is up here on the walls because they were able to straddle two boats. Am I straddling two boats? If you look like you saw my daughter playing, the job, a family... I'm not straddling two boats. I'm not. That's why it's important to clarify. I'm not speaking about your outer lives. I'm not saying quit your job, donate your bank account, nothing. Inwardly, keep your eyes on God. That's all. You cannot balance both these things together. Now, two will clear out how it has to. It's already completely out of your control now. It has always been out of your control. It's just the power of making these narratives which try to give some rational movement. Simple things. It's a speed train that you're...

That's why it's important to clarify: I'm not speaking about your outer lives. I'm not saying quit your job, donate your bank account, nothing. Inwardly, keep your eyes on God. That's all. You cannot balance both these things together. Now, how it has to—it's already completely out of your control now. It has always been out of your control. It's just the power of making these narratives which try to give some rational movement to simple things. It's a speed train that you're trying to control riding a bullock cart. This is how you deny the magnification. So, even the manifest life, you dim the presence of light around you because ninety percent of your time goes in the narratives. You're not even seeing the light in this room fully. You may have noticed the light now as I mentioned the thing, 'Oh, there's light in the room.' And I'm not talking about any mystical light; let's talk about these bulbs. So, we're missing inner life and outer life because we are obsessed with story-making.

So, my only job is to take you out of your story, out of your head, into your heart. That's all. Because all that is being spoken from here has been spoken from here just naturally from that which is your very presence. It's not an intellectual endeavor. It requires a complete openness. So, when I say open and empty, it's really super simple. Really super simple to be open. It is not simple at all if you are clinging, if you are attached. Empty of the narrative, you have to give up on all righteousness. You don't even know what this is. You don't know what this is. You don't know why you came here, how you came, are you even here? You don't know that. What do you want to be right about? Tell me one thing you can be right about. Only truths that can be known in the heart. So, you can be right about God, love, truth, Self. It's only these that you can absolutely be absolute about. Everything else is just mere speculation in the garment of 'my life.' You want to have more meaning in that non-existent speculative life? I tell you, when you are trying to do that, let's try to make this mythical fairy tale, let's make a real one that we then call that man's spiritual meaning. We undertake that kind of endeavor just to give meaning to what is not there. You don't even know that you want to give truth to a lie or lie to the truth.

You want to make yourself that big that one day life will become true and truth will become a servant. That is where it goes. Actually, you can contemplate that statement later. Really, that's what it is: making the lie into the truth and making the truth into a servant. So, this outer section is just means to come to that which is true. Satsang: the company of the truth. What is true? The Self is true. God's presence is true. Love is true. Grace is true. Goodness is true. Where can we meet any of these things? How hard can you think to make God, God's presence, alive? Let's really think hard today. You think we can do it with thinking? Think the highest thoughts. All of you have read; you've read enough scripture, you've read enough books. Think, think. You can make the thought into God's presence? True? Then have an experience, a perceptual experience, without hope of God, with the Lord, with Krishna. And that will—it's very easy. Close your eyes. In a moment you can imagine. No big deal in that. You didn't even have to wait for Krishna; just dive into your head. Your power of imagination itself can show you. So, what is so great in that? How to come to the unchanging Self? How to come to the light of God? Not through any predefined method. Not through any predefined method.

Many times it feels like that's all we have. It's good enough if I say to you jump and you say jumping. It could be just the intention to jump. Good enough for me.

To find God, is it about desiring Him or is it more about surrendering? Because desire is this piece of process and object.

In your heart, both are the same. In your head, they are different. So, go where you can desire and surrender without any conflict between the two terms. Where the irreconcilable becomes natural, that is your heart. Where we still see distinctions, where we can still define our properties, be empty there. And the intention to be empty there itself is enough. So, do I have a way to show you God? Do I have a way to show you God? No, I don't, in the sense that if it was a template, then I would have already defined it by now. And then no need for this. She said something: the way is moment to moment. The way is because your mind defenses are created sporadically. That's why it's a beautiful bhajan. The least I will—you don't have to struggle. What I am sharing is not greater than what I have discovered. Eat the feast that I've prepared for you. I'm not teaching you a way; I'm telling you your next step. Because such a way is not created. Such a path is not there. A road like that does not exist. I sat in front of my Master; he did not teach me a path, he just showed. He showed me right there and then. That's that. End.

And many times our attempt to juggle mind and heart are actually futile. It may look like pride on the outside. It's almost too proud to follow. Actually, there is a fear of the unknown. By the very nature of your heart, you are very mistaken. So, I'll see that we are writing our story and then you're scared that without me writing it, what's going to happen? And even worse, maybe to the mind, is that what if there's a small 0.00001 percent chance that all this stuff is all nonsense? It's all bunkum. What if? What is my safety net? He's saying give up everything, jump into God. What if I jump and there's no God, just a meaningless nothingness, a limbo? I don't want to mess up my life fully. I need to show some insurance, to retain something of myself. You need to retain something? Come on, man. Full naked. Fully naked. Not a strand. You can get naked of even the body. You can't even carry your body. Your spirit meeting Spirit. But if you've had the bhoga of everything that you aspired for and you still haven't found anything, then that leap becomes much easier.

Yeah. And then most of you, this is not your first rodeo. You've been through enough spiritual things. And that, you know, worldly spiritual experience. The reason why we—when God is becoming—the reason why all these attachments, because they are vanishing. Once God is there, all of those things—'I want this, I want that'—those things are vanishing. So, you like this? It's the last time, you know? That's what you're saying, right? Just before going, it's darkest before dawn, like that. I'm saying the reason why I asked between the two is because once God is there, the thing that you're wanting, it stops being there at all. The thing you're attached to.

In what way? In the experience of the perception of it, or what do you mean? Like say I want grape juice and then I ask myself like this, then grape juice doesn't do the clinging?

Yes. The craving for whatever itself doesn't remain because it's—yes, it doesn't remain in the sense of that label. You can still perceive whatever it means, but you cannot really truly define anything as that. And you don't need to.

I keep saying I don't need to say this is a glass full of water to drink from. Is that vanishing itself that makes us—that desire that awakens—that is not that kind of energy. And that kind of energy. So, in fact, it is mostly with no expectations. It is kind of a brightening or more vibrant taste. This was just to follow up on what Naren said. That's why the sage is also called the Mahabhogi. It can seem very contradictory to our idea, but actually, in a moment you see what you're experiencing of the world is full of so much—so much light and beauty and sound, all of that. It's like I said, no, I never saw a flower till I met my Master. I saw a flower for the first time after meeting Guruji. It had always been like that. These days I'm passing around salad plates. Can you see? It is not a sort of like a nihilistic limbo vanishing. All you lose is your story. Not even the ability, but the need to narrate, to put it into a stream of session. In fact, much more than anything, you discover the broadness of your being where this one universe cannot contain, cannot take up all experience. You experience yourselves in a much broader way.

Last time, I think in satsang, he had asked a question related to the Ramakrishna Mission, and I've had a similar experience. So, it triggers the same thing. You can talk about that a little bit. It's like getting overdosed on something, basically. Yeah, yeah. I got overdosed on Bihari Ji for 14 years. My grandmother used to live in Vrindavan, attended every aarti, morning, evening, 14 years. For summer vacation, I used to keep watching the things that you were—I don't know what the hell is going on there. Also got completely—then the only thing happened on the Ramakrishna Mission. I'm just wondering why that should happen to a young kid who's not really biased. I wasn't like full of ego or something. It's just like nothing made sense. And the context in which I'm asking the question to get some insight is for my kids, basically. You know, I don't want to OD them on anything. Yeah. But at the same time, I don't want to be swinging the pendulum to the other side. So, yeah, this is kind of a big area of unresolved confusion.

Of course, not at all templatizable. You have to be heart moment to moment. You don't know. You don't know in advance. It's just like you have to allow your heart to move your actions. Of course, the goodness or the badness of events and what happened to us, we can't really determine. Because here I was an atheist. As a very young child—I hardly ever shared this too—but I was very much into God. In fact, I remember in the school bus, I was just—in every cloud I would say, 'Oh, that's Ram Ji.' And then my mom went through some challenges, like mental challenges and things like that. I was a young boy, so I said all this talk of God is all nonsense. And this is the human condition; it's too bad. So, as a very young kid, I came to this, maybe in the fifth standard or sixth standard. No God, no God business for me. It was so for many years, and I felt at that point and throughout till the early twenties, I felt like I'll be an atheist forever because this God talk is all losers. So, you know, like I got off because my mom is very religious and spiritual in those things. But can I say that to be off it was bad for me or good? You can't really say. Releasing both of you, you're here for me.

Yeah, it sounds good. Last time I was here, I was sitting and watching that and I suddenly got it, like what is going on in that picture. And I was like almost full of tears. So, yeah.

The beauty of this is—and it may sound like a romantic notion or something—but one moment of God's presence truly felt can wipe out like lifetimes of conditioning. Also, the best way to bring up our kids, especially in relation to spirituality, contemplative—I've had to for eleven years now. I've started sharing in my family groups because you just feel like, you know, they won't like it. You know, they'll say, 'Papa, don't start here.' And then especially with extended family, you're just like—they'll tell Garima, they'll tell... and then, you know, otherwise everybody can hate me in their judgment. But suppose one out of the hundred really becomes open to this? Worthwhile. I went for a retreat in Rishikesh. Yeah, I was blown away. There were like maybe twenty people who had never heard of this. If my love for you is to you valuable, if I am able to lead you to your heart, then why should I pre-decide that these ones should get that love and these ones should not? And your intuition lines up anyway. The most unlikeliest person to have happened today because I woke up this morning and I just felt like—I just finished sharing like with hundreds of times or something. The body was feeling that heavy when I woke up. Then seven o'clock I started vomiting and I felt a bit like this.

If my love for you is to you valuable, if I am able to lead you to your heart, then why should I pre-decide that this one should get that love and this one should not? And your intuition lines is anyway the most unlikeliest person to have happened today because I woke up this morning and I just felt like I just finished sharing like with hundreds of times or something. The body was feeling that heavy when I woke up. Then, seven o'clock I started vomiting and I felt a bit like this. Thank you. But every time I checked with Him, 'Should we cancel?' and all these kids were also asking, 'Will we cancel today?' I don't know what will happen once I go backwards. So far it seems like it's looking time, it's starting to feel... but we can't really say. Like, I don't know if this is being recorded or not, but suppose somebody hears some of these absurd stuff after 10,000 years, you don't know what anything is for.

Going straight into God, and it's so beautiful that ultimately it is formless. So you can say, 'Father guide me, Mother guide me,' whatever you want to impose on God. God is not my buddy. Please help my own connection because as long as you rely on your head, like your guidance machine, you may not always like it. If you're only looking for confirmation, then it's not going to work out well. It's so easy to live this, very easy, very simple.

Challenges and challenges. I think anybody who's looking at our output narrative may say, 'Okay, they have this also, this will also.' The way of the heart is very simple. The way of the head is complex. Every time you find yourself computing two plus variables, is that the final result? Neither. The next thing laughs in your heart. The highest insight, which is the Absolute, is effortless in your heart. God's presence is palpable in your heart. Everything that is there to taste in this manifest world can be tasted even more, with more vibrancy than before. So it's a win-win-win. All you lose is your story. It's amazing. I mean, just look at it. It's not a quid pro quo. You exchange one fantasy narrative and you're given everything in the world and beyond. And yet, for a while, it can seem like the ultimate sacrifice, and the time for the guru dakshina can seem scary. This is your first time; there's no use using that as a metaphor today.

Like that, but not the school. Unless you present yourself fully, the highest gift cannot be given to you. The last stuff in your pockets may enter the Kingdom of Heaven. But the Kingdom of Heaven, Guruji says, there's a metal detector because you try to pass through the tiniest attachment tweak, you know, you start beeping them. That which may seem like the greatest sacrifice today is actually the doorway to such immense strength and freedom because the world cannot push you around then. If you accept everything as God's grace, it's a very important word. It's not categories at all. 'God was on a break so this happened.' We have faith when you don't need things to be fair.

To follow because of miracles is to like follow because of rationality. If this headache was just now and became a ball of light, then you'll be stupid not to follow me. So that's even more reason to follow them in the worldly way, reason to follow their rationality. The other way to follow is to say, 'Okay, I like going because he makes sense.' Then you are not hearing me fully because I'm trying not to make sense. So if I'm making sense, then you're only hearing with confirmation bias. You're confirming what you think you already understand. So to follow on the basis of perception or on the basis of rationality doesn't mean faith. Faith is because somewhere in your heart something is being called and you notice something brings you back here. Something is yearning for such a yearning for the truth. Follow that silent whisper, let me speak, because the mind shouts. The mind is loud; it's in the rush. Quiet call of a timeless truth in your heart. It takes faith to follow because it offers you no guarantee.

They'll tell you, 'What is your role going to be in the timeless?' Literally, like before I came here, like Dr. Curry used to tell me, 'You come over here,' but I was like very scared. But if you ask me, 'Why are you here?' yeah, because I was not sure why am I here and am I a fake? So that feeling when there is inside you, it doesn't develop the desire to know the truth for the truth. So what do you do with that? Since you've come, you come, isn't it?

Yes. So something must be pulling you back even though it may not be making sense and you may say, 'I don't know whether I have enough desire or can I surrender fully.' Although doubts are happening here, what brings you to satsang? Follow that. That doesn't want me to know truth just that badly. I mean, badly means it's not shouting.

You've been here since you've come and see, the call of the heart is already very loud because there's no other perks here for you to come. You don't get some great person, you're not even blessed with a long life or money or nothing, yet you come. You may come and maybe your head gets frustrated, maybe you feel unworthy here. All those things may happen, but there's already a calling in your heart which brings you here, even if in the head it translates like... so that is itself valuable because that needs faith. That's exactly what I'm saying. If you were to just come because you rationalize everything—after seven seconds you have an insight into your being, after 15 seconds the Absolute is apparent to you, after 50 seconds you become fully enlightened—suppose that way, then it's all rational. Okay, if you're not doing that, you just come, you don't know what's going to happen. Yeah, you don't know what's going to happen.

I don't know what the initial conversation with Ishana was, but initially it must have been about, you know, just like to find peace. So usually when people start talking about spirituality in the world, they're very different flavor of conversation. But you come here, you sat through the absurdness of what is spoken here, and I'm trusting your heart more than your trust in your heart. Because what you're worried about is the fear that you may stop coming if you don't find, if your head doesn't find enough value in it. It will make some garb of, 'Oh, am I really willing to give up everything?' So it latches on to something. 'Is my desire that much?' Like it has been bothering you to some extent. 'Can I surrender fully? I don't know.' So this is a very good period. Keep coming out like that. All these things are coming into your life for the first time and you'll realize the answer to these are only available in literacy. Why do you come to satsang? Not possible. The body is not becoming stronger, no yoga, no pranayama being taught here. One day I did just randomly, but body nothing. No mantra to make money or to give the prosperous lives, no things to learn some new skills, you'll be able to write books—none of that. Nothing on offer. Instead, you come. It's a wonder.

He came live for years. Many times he's sitting alone next to me on the dining table. He had already been like vice president, any teacher at Eternal School yourself, college or whatever. Of course, looks much older, you know, when he started coming I just looked like a spring chicken or something. Why did he come? The heart calls. You can't understand. Like mysterious ways, I can't fight them. And I never asked. Like around Mama used to come very regularly, then she had a bit of a break and she was coming online, you know, she's coming here and they said, 'But I'm not saying so what happened?' It's okay, it's our heart is calling me. You can't decipher these things. And sometimes I feel like if I know all these stories, then I'll just contaminate the beauty of this meeting. Like I can make some narratives, but those narratives don't match anything to do with reality.

And this boy has done a great spiritual practice in the world for how many years. My Father, I was contemplating this weekend, I'm gonna have a mind story why I come. See, when we come here, right, have you taken notes before coming here, right? There's something missing, another lack of it in your presence. Not just physically, right? Even if you're only doing something else, you're just... I'm just a thought away from you, right? I know that you're there. Not even actually giving me a... my question is, is it a false yes or an attachment which I'm probably the mind is caught on to something new? So the question is, am I coming because I'm attached to you or rather I'm feeling a sense of checkbox, you know, feeling better, feeling better, better? So yeah, that's that's... and the answer is what I want to know.

Oh no, because my mind tells me that I'm just coming because I feel good, you know, suddenly I will be more stable, sorted. Those are the byproducts. Somewhere you already see that those are the byproducts, or you see that they're only there. The truth is your heart was calling out for the truth and that call has been accepted and answered. But even these words cannot really convey truly another. So faith with the absence of logical explanations, we are the same. So sometimes it's easy. Some kids don't come; they've had an experience with me where it was out of the world and it's like, 'Okay, now this I can follow because I've gone to various spiritual things in the world and I didn't have this.' But I'm saying that even if that didn't happen and you have no rational explanation for it, even then if you come, then that is plus, that is fine.

This time, the first time it was a huge wave, but I clearly told myself, I shut on the mind and tell you that there's no story to believe because your fears are wrong, right? Even if I'm away, I can come and quickly talk to you, right? So this is where the previous question is corrected, right? Is it a false hope? My mind is here, right? So now, no story except another story for me because you are there physically. A physical level, like I come and after you hold you and say, you know, 'Oh, this happening and checkbox is happening.' Because of that, I'm telling myself, 'Oh, this is a long story.' Yeah, and I could just... there are a lot of things happening in the body level, but I think any... I didn't bother, but it was very intense and over a period of time it just...

The good thing is that you're noticing that in Consciousness, even though these intense experiences are coming, once you change the story from a hopeless story to a full story, the perception itself did not have the bite. And actually it never does. It is only magnified and amplified with a narrative which makes any moment in life unbearable. So of course it's not a false hope because like you said, beautiful actually, you said, 'I'm just a thought away,' but actually prior to the thought, I am. So I'm that close to you. So this one, this one body is of course in service to all of you, but it's just a mere instrument for that. The highest, most potent being is your very presence. But you're spotting the power of what narrative you give to something. Surprised that, you know, when you make it zero, even a big wave is nothing yet because it's nothing to suffer. Doesn't make any sense.

It's a Father, yes, you know, if so like byproducts and stuff like that, and you speak about like usually we speak about byproducts being miraculous or positive or feel good or something like that. But also Guruji talks about like when the mind, when the biggest storm with the mind comes, then you know you're onto something. So can byproducts also be like not feel good?

Yes, yes, yes. Maybe before you joined I was just saying that what if it was almost guaranteed that you came to this path and your life started to become a mess? Would you still come? Because that means a complete upheaval of the notion of spirituality, which is supposed to assist us having a more balanced life here, has been taken over especially...

He talks about like when the mind, when the biggest storm with the mind comes, then you know you're onto something. So can byproducts also be like not feel good?

Yes, yes, yes. Maybe before you join, I was just saying that what if it was almost guaranteed that you came to this path and your life started to become a mess? Would you still come? Because that means a complete upheaval of the notion of spirituality, which is supposed to assist us in having a more balanced life here. That has been taken over, especially the time where we seem to be oscillating between head and heart. That time can seem very oppressive. Like, you can seem worse off. It may seem worse off, like, 'Why did I even come into satsang?' And then all the time, drones and grievances: 'He doesn't take care of me. They love me, he doesn't care.' All this happens, you know.

That time, if your master is with you, it's fully understandable. A very lame master, even I would not want such a master. Oh, it's like seven o'clock, he must be doing this. Like, so predictable. And he's going to say, he starts off like talking about worship and then he goes through this and then he goes to life. You have to accept the mystery fully. What is it? Or she, whoever the master is, are they really seeing what they're sharing? You confirm these things. You may see even simpler: 'I love my master, so I really don't care anymore. I'm devoted to my master.' But do you know that? That's so hard. There's an aspect where the master is a complete unknown, and there's an aspect where the master is closer than true. Otherwise, the thing is like, this is big trouble now. Somebody, they ask you, 'What did you learn in satsang today? You've been going to Ananta five years, what is that?' Yeah, I'm sure everybody has some shrink-wrap explanation to give family and friends, but really, it's not that good.

But I feel in my case, like both are happening. The search for Truth for truth's sake, that appreciation has gotten better over time simply because I'm experiencing it. Until I hadn't got a taste of it, I didn't even know how to answer that question. So I would have said I'm coming for a benefit. And there are benefits also, like he said the surfing thing, right? I was flying to the U.S. and Air India, I was all set in business class and we paid a nice fare for it, and my TV unit wasn't working. I was like, 'Okay.' But I would have been so pissed a year ago. Yeah, I would have given another speech. So those surfing events are happening because you can go from present and feeling of unfairness to just openness. And maybe sometimes we look at it as an opportunity.

That's sweet. Neither creation nor destruction, neither destiny nor free will, neither path nor achievement. This is the final truth. Thank you. I've not sung for a long time. Another one? Do you have an expression? Having some cook issues, I'm going to get on the phone. Has been given enough attention. It's okay. The words of this song will be aligned with your seeing, but it seems still sounds scriptural and everything whatever.