The Heart - 2nd January 2026

Usually I found that any of us are bothered by a few things. It's not a big list. It's the same repetitive narrative that comes. So that's what I meant. But if more than three, feel free to offer everything.

Because I was looking at it, I had to think carefully what would... and then...

Yeah, then maybe it's too specific.

No, it's good.

Just broaden.

It's good. Everything to do with money, for example, everything to do with family.

And the only food. So for today, are we all clear about our pathway to God? And why is a pathway needed? To say that no pathway is needed is also a pathway. So to say this is also a pathway, you see. To say nothing, 'I am that already,' is also a pathway, you see. To just turn inward is also a pathway without words, without pointers, you see. So just attention to breath can become a pathway, you see. But what is the path from what to what? That is the question. Now, isn't it? Head to heart is the same as saying Maya to God's presence. You see, so to be in denial of the fact that Maya does that shape-building exercise, you see, would be to live in some sort of denial. Know that it provides narratives for us to grab onto and therefore make a shape out of ourselves. You see, that's a constant temptation. To shapify ourself is always there. So the pathway is just from shape to God. Shape to God. And if you say shape to shapelessness, it is also the same thing as shape to God. Because when we are empty, we've left the space empty for God. We've left our soul belonging to God. We've left the narrow lane for only God to walk on. You see, that depends on you and your temperament. If you feel supported by remembering God is here and that prevents you from making a strong shape about yourself, very good. If it helps you to just come to empty, very good. The thing is to just empty the shape, whether at God's feet, or then you're naturally also at God's feet.

So everyone knows for today at least what is the tool, what is the mechanism, what is the pointer they're using to get out of these shapes? Yes? Everybody online on Zoom? I'm good. Because it is possible, and I'm not asking rhetorically or just in a Brahman way, it is possible that you can be in Satsang and the mind doesn't let you hear what is the pathway that's being provided or the so many pathways that are being provided. The mind doesn't let us hear; it goes into some conceptual shape-making out of what is being provided as well. You see, so for example, if I say we have to just be with God's presence, you see, what's the mind's version of that? It'll use its imagination or it'll start saying, 'Yes, when I was seven years old then, you know, I had an experience of Hanuman and in that experience then this is what happened and it was so...' So it's using full memory, imagination, all of that, and we are still holding on to a shape about ourself, you see. So the mind will attempt to use the pointer itself to provide an alternative shape for you which is still 'me, me,' you see. So not to get into that. When we say be with God's presence, it's God's presence and I am empty and humble, you see, if at all anything. So it should not be that 'I am now being with God's presence' and then as if we're looking at a mirror we just think, 'But I'm so cool. I'm with God.' Or, 'It's not happening.' I was a champion at that. 'It's not happening. What does it mean? Where is the I am? What does it mean to be?' You see, so you take it to the intellect and try to solve it there. So neither of those.

Now if it needs more steps, then it needs more steps. There's no shame in that. See, if it needs you to do one Mala of the prayers, there's no shame in that. It's in fact very good. Yeah, because in fact it's very good once in a while to do that because if you're finding a lot of resistance during doing a Mala which provides all the anchors possible, and you're finding a lot of resistance in that, then it is also very possible that the other times where the mind is claiming emptiness is actually a shapeful emptiness. Because if you are able to remain empty most of the time, what is one Mala? It should be very, very simple in the anchor of using God's name so beautifully, then it should be really easy. So there's no point really living in some sort of denial or specialness or pride. Whatever it needs is it. If it needs you to put on a Bhajan, put on a Bhajan. If it needs you to do the inquiry, you do the inquiry. There's no greater marks for saying, 'Okay, I went straight open and empty.' Point is to get there. Not the worldly way of gauging these things is not the point.

So is the territory of what we call the heart, is that seeming more familiar ground now or it still seems conceptual? And it's all right if it does. In my case also it took many years of this reading, trying to find it, and it was completely unfamiliar what somebody like Maharaj was talking about. It's very unfamiliar for a long time. But if it is unfamiliar then it's good to just share that and not get into any peer pressure. So good to just share that and say maybe there's some tiny error or some mind trick which the mind is pulling and then we can look at it together. Now we can get acclimatized to the stillness, to the silence; that's the maximum we can do. So is that stillness, is that silence, seeming like familiar ground now?

Yeah. So Father, about going to the heart. Um, so this, as you mentioned, the stillness does seem familiar, but what is the heart? Um, so I sometimes stay with the sense of aliveness.

Yeah, that is there. Where is there? Somewhere?

Yeah, Father.

Where? In the head?

Not in the head. I know. It's fine. Feel like there's a sense of aliveness.

Yes, Father. As in it's not blank there. It's not nothing. Yes. What? Tell me a little more about it. It's very active, Father. It's very... Are you familiar? I'm not saying it's that, but I'm just making sure that it's not that. Are you familiar with what Prana feels like? Like Prana? Just bring yourself to the remembrance of any aspect of God or God. The term God itself which makes you feel some love in your heart.

Yes, Father.

So does that space seem a little different from this or is it the same?

It's a little different, Father. It's a little different.

Yes. Just make sure you're not imagining anything because you're not getting into that. There's nothing wrong. Wherever you're feeling God's presence, He's there already. So, there's no... you can't be wrong in this. I'm just trying to make sure that the mind is not tricking you. So, follow the fragrance of that love and try to find its source. Where does it seem to come from most naturally? So what is the remembrance that you're using?

So Mother has told me to chant Radha now. So when I chanted it... so when you remember Radha then you feel like her reverence or love or just gently try to follow its source. Where does it come from? It feels like a very deep place, man.

Yeah. So that deep place is what I'm talking about. So we have to use a term. So heart seems closest as a word to use. But like you said, that very deep place where the mind can't decipher anything and the visuals can't really also see anything. It has a certain subtle magnetism to it. So if your mind was tricking you and taking you into a blank, that has no magnetism to it. You have to force yourself to stay with the blank like that. You see, now in this, when we move our intention to be with God's presence, then as we allow ourself to just let go, there's a magnetism that pulls our faculties within. You see, so that within is indescribable. So that within is what I'm calling the heart. Sages have called the heart. So just like that. So even if you feel that here like a sense of aliveness, try to find its source. Try to find its source.

Sometimes the sages have said that our mind falls into our heart. You see, but actually, and they've said all this, so it's not just the mind, it's all our faculties. They just... we just have to be careful that we are not visualizing any of this because the mind is very good to provide visuals of all of this and then we can get stuck in the outer way thinking that that is happening inwardly. So we just have to be a little cautious, vigilant about that. Just we are not trying to see anything, just letting go. You let go naturally like our insides gravitate to a deeper inside. Isn't it? They just gravitate deeper. The most convenient term to use for that is the heart. It can happen that you're in the like a very strong intellectual inquiry: 'Who am I? Who witnesses that? Who?' And it goes there and then it takes on so much momentum that it falls in, just falls in. You just get into a... you see, so in that way it could be quite swift, but usually it's a gentle shanti, shanti process. So you're getting why I said that it's important to relax first, because if you're in that sort of 'am I getting it?' then you can't.

What's unique about spirituality is that this recollection, you see, which is not remembering something from the past—not that recollection—just a collection of all our faculties to the original place. It's called a recollection. This recollection is studied by the sages and the mystics and the saints. The pathway to spirit and then the discipleship of the spirit is spirituality. Now when you are empty like that, then observe the subtle magnetism of the Atma within and observe the blunt instrument of the mind which will come try to offer you some shape of some temptation or something to do or whatever. All of these are called temptation. Temptation is not just lust or, you know, wanting to eat sweets or something like that. Temptation is anything that tries to make a shape out of you. So observe it. It'll try all tactics. Sometimes it'll sound like a best friend. Sometimes it'll sound very authoritative, very pushy, all of these things. But if it's tricking you sounding like a best friend, just be patient with it. It doesn't have patience, you see. So then it starts to become more pushy, pushy, pushy. You see? So Atma has patience. Mind has no patience. So when we are rushing, most likely we are going with the mind. When we are being patient, most likely we are going with Atma because we take on the characteristics of our Master. You see, if you're following the Atma, then we start to become more and more like the Atma. If you're following the mind, then you start to become more and more like... those are the grooves that set in and those grooves are called Vasanas or conditioning. So that conditioning is what spirituality is the rehab for, freeing ourselves from those past grooves of conditioning. It's also beautiful that most of us walk on this path before we realize what the path is. We start walking on the path and then we realize that, 'Oh, this is Gala.' Yeah, the body can get tired. The body is of course going to get tired. The body can. But we have to, as long as we are holding His hand and the body is fine. Exactly.

Those grooves are called vasanas or conditioning. So, that conditioning is what spirituality is the rehab for—freeing ourselves from those past grooves of conditioning. It's also beautiful that most of us walk on this path before we realize what the path is. We start walking on the path and then we realize that, oh, this is it.

Yeah, the body can get tired. The body is of course going to get tired. But we have to, as long as we are holding His hand, then the body is fine.

Exactly. Just have to remember who is with us when Maya tries to put us down. And I'm not talking about the body; the body can be down, it's fine. But when she tries to put us down because of that, you see, or tries to make, like she's saying, the connection that, oh, something happened, so therefore there is fear—fear about the future, fear about something happening—then we just have to go to the holy remembrance of who's with us. Huh?

Yes. Except towards God. Like, do everything that you can to cause you to be with God. Yeah. I'm saying like how the mind makes connection. The acceptable cause and effect is: I remembered Him and now I'm with Him. Yeah, like that. Um, this heart, no, you were saying, and this like, pull. I was seeing something, I just want to check. Yeah, like this pull inside. I was feeling just now, or feel sometimes, that somehow is an inside that has no locality. No locality.

Yes.

Um, like the same, sometimes the experience is more like local or sometimes comes, you know, that space that it's like everywhere. And I was seeing something also I would like to check. I see that sometimes there can be a little trick here, like trying to stay empty, but it's like this not being empty, but someone like a little form, you know, empty.

Exactly.

A little bit of the trying that we take along in a way. Is it? I don't know, I try to express so much with my face and I know it's not easy. So it's just like that little bit, you know, it's not fully just a bit self-conscious, bit like 'I'm being empty,' right?

You see, so the notion of what I am being can still hold on to a very subtle shape. Many times it's all right in the sense that if you find it naturally like that because you were caught up in something and then you return to like a slight boundary of empty is there, but that fades away as you stay. That's all right. But if the mind has replaced it with... so from here to see, the mind says, 'Okay, this like you're trying to balance it.' If you just move this way, then like that, then that's fine. But if it gets you stuck here, that you just have to be like this, yes, that's beautiful.

And I'd like to check as well. You know, like I was seeing just a moment before, also with the eyes—not only with the eyes closed, no, with the eyes open and in interaction—yes, sometimes this locality or this groove, like you say, having a shape. It's there and I was like trying to expect to drop that or to relax that. And I was like trying to see that actually it's possible to be seeing with the eyes but being empty, not having that self-consciousness that you said, like being someone. But I don't know, it feels like that groove is so strong. Like I was in that and then I just landed on something and I realized, oh, I already got like again as if I am a shape. I feel it's very subtle.

The more we intend to be with God, the more we intend to be empty, the strength comes, the insight comes. All provided to us. We are not doing this with our own strength anyway. But it needs our consent. It needs our full consent and His strength. See, why I'm saying that is because many times we feel like, 'Oh, but He has to do it.' You see, He has to do it. It's true, but you have to consent to fully offer everything to Him. That consent that 'I belong to You' has to come from you. He will not force it. Yes. So life, you keep saying, 'I got this.' Okay. 'I got this.' Any situation, any moment of our life, if we get into that like 'I got this,' like 'I will handle this my way, my will, let my will be done,' then okay. And then if you say, 'No, You got this. I'm not getting involved. I'm out of this. It's all Yours,' He says, 'Okay.' So where is the allegiance? Where is the allegiance of our faith? That's the difference.

It's so strange that we are in such an absurd situation, all of humanity including myself, that when things start to go out of control, we get more in that 'I got this, I got this' more. We should be more like... it's only in that situation after the 'I got this' doesn't work for quite some time and we get slapped around, then we go to 'You handle it.' But if our grooves can change and we can just, at the slightest nudge, hands off. Empty. Empty. Forgetting the power, intelligence, mercy, all the attributes of God is what Maya makes us do. That's why we are anxious. Otherwise, we could never be anxious. If you were just to remember and remember through recognition, not through memory, but to live in the fact that the most powerful one is with you taking care of everything, there's nothing. You don't have to come into shape at all. What is the reason for us to take on a shape?

Yeah. Exactly. Because we just... what's going to happen? I better take charge.

So what I'm conveying through the body is the inner posture. Okay? The body can be in action. It can move. It can do all that. But the inner posture has to be empty.

I'm saying this, Father, how you're saying, you know, that like I take shape because there's that fear that comes that God at this moment is forgotten. It doesn't only... just that fear itself makes me take shape.

So that's like a conditioned response. So that's what we are calling the groove. So that groove is what we are breaking out of through vigilance, through praying constantly, through trying to be in God's presence constantly, we break out of those old grooves, you see. So then it doesn't become something that we apply once the fear comes. We are already ready. So then, you see, when it comes, the response is to be with the Ram. So then that groove is broken, you see. It may not be permanently broken because it'll come in a full coordination, like a medley of things. Something will start happening in the world, something starts happening in the emotional layer, and something starts happening in the mind. Then when all of that comes in a medley, that is when it seems very difficult to stay with the presence. So if at all the other time we practice, you see, then we can handle that 100%.

Seeing although my dad used to say, no, when I started sharing at this level, level one Donkey Kong: only coconut. Most of you kids will be too young to understand this, some of you. So level one Donkey Kong: only coconut. Level two: only barrel. Then level three: both coconut and barrel together. So duck, jump. So that's okay. So when only coconut, then if that becomes easy, then that's a good step. Then only barrel, if that becomes easy. You know what I'm saying about coconut and barrel? So just like what these things in the world, so things are happening like that, you see. Then if that becomes easy, then just that and the mind, easy. Then just emotion and mind, easy. Then world, emotion, mind. You see, without mind, of course, no trouble. But in this coordination, as we learn, okay, in this moment, then some emotion may come, start. My hope is that for myself and all of us is that we live every moment in that magnificence. Not the magnificent 'me,' in the magnificence of God.

So we have to break the normalization that the mind has done with the word God or Bhagavan or Allah. Like, what are we, who are we talking about? I mean, like, I'll keep remembering His magnificence more and more. Yeah, with a sense of awe. Like, how to remember that more and more? Like, who is it that we are talking about?

That's what I'm saying for now. Who is it that we are talking about? About Him, you know.

Yes, but who is He? You see, so that's why initially when I was starting to get into spirituality, when I heard things like 'praise the Lord,' I thought, 'Lord wants praise now? He's already...' you know, so the skeptical mind gets into that, you see. So to praise the Lord is for our benefit because when we praise the Lord, then we remember who it is we are talking about. You see, otherwise we can just normalize it: 'Oh, God is here, okay, but this I have to do.' But yeah, I know God is here. But the more we praise Him, like He is the master of everything, everything moves by His grace.

As it is said, 'I have commanded an army and if I tell a soldier go there, he will go. And if I tell a soldier come here, he will come.' In the same way, this world belongs to You. So if You say let it be this way, it will be this way. When You say let it be that way, it will be that way. So just this, like that's the power of these stories of the Leelas or the Charitra that we try to listen to, you see. So all the scriptural stories have this power because it reminds us of His magnificence which otherwise we can just forget. So do we all feel, including myself, do I feel that He is the one who can command everything in the universe like that? Do we feel like He is with us and He loves us? Yeah. But if you... that's what I was saying, when that stimulus is already there, then to try and return to God is a bit difficult.

That's why that whole thing of 'in the last moment if you remember God, then you will go to heaven.' It doesn't work like that because if you spent your whole life worrying about money, then last minute also is like, 'What's my bank balance?' So it takes a lifetime of remembrance of God for us to die in that beautiful way. Hopefully, like, hopefully it's true for us. Recognition that it's God who's the remembrance. Be a recognition in our heart because are we at that point where we have to rely on others' word for it? Or had we not had millions of times He's come to our rescue and changed things magnificently in an instant? You see, so we have recognized these things for ourselves and we can recognize in that very moment.

So now if you like remember when you were doing that exercise before you went, then all these seem tiny. All that seems so large otherwise seems so tiny because God's presence puts it into perspective. What is this tiny thing? You see, just now when you were just speaking of Him like that.

So good to keep praising Him all day. Just keep praising Him. I was so stupid, I didn't realize these things when I was young. It's for our own growth, for our own... we get to deepen, to remain in that remembrance. Very good to look at history. He's graced us with His presence in so many forms in the world itself and left such beautiful scripture for us to remember. Like even this simple thing, but I know like in a few days the mind will normalize it, like the guy's story. Because I just mentioned it, it can have a strong impact that, okay, I am with Him, the one who can just command everything from the tiniest leaf to the largest mountain to continent can move on a simple command: 'Let it be done that way.' And He is with us right now and He loves us. Everything He's doing is because of His love for us, you see. So just that takes us out of that fear and back to His presence.

So sharing, praising God, and sharing about Him is a beautiful pathway to God. Beautiful pathway to that. You just do any of these things. But we won't remember unless we immerse ourselves otherwise. So we can't just say, 'When trouble comes, then I'll remember.' That's not love; that is a convenient rescue mission. So we can't treat God like the fire department.

Now, and He loves us. Everything He's doing is because of His love for us, you see. So just that takes us out of that fear and back to His presence. So, sharing, praising God, and sharing about Him—beautiful pathway to God, beautiful pathway to that. You just do any of these things. But we won't remember unless we immerse ourselves otherwise. So we can't just say, 'When trouble comes, then I'll remember.' That's not love; that is a convenient rescue mission. So we can't treat God like the fire department. I mean, we can if these things happen and we haven't prayed, we haven't done our sadhana, we haven't practiced. I'm not saying don't remember Him in those times; we must, we can. But the higher way is to live with Him. Don't make Him a tourist in your soul; make Him the incumbent. Make Him the one who owns it, the owner, the landlord. Who's the landlord of our insides? Right? We are constantly forcing our insides to come with our will. No, 'Chalo, do this.' Where is that waiting? Where is that 'What's your will, Father? God's will.' That stillness is very important.

I'm just thinking about what you said. Let's say I don't remember Him all day and then an issue comes, okay? And then I try to force-fit Him. No, like I try to sort of remember and I try to like ask Him for support. Then still, I'm just imagining things, no?

Better than not doing it. That's what I'm saying. Don't get into that trap of like—I was in that trap of not asking for specific things, right? But if you're going to sit and worry about it by yourself, then it's better we ask. Small, big, everything. With topic, without topic, everything. As long as it's about God. Has He ever said to anyone—you went to your heart and you said, 'Please get me, you know, a brownie.' Where that came from? So, sorry. But please get me a brownie. And God said, 'How dare you come to me with something so small?' You had that? Never. Nobody ever had. The smallest thing. But He's not a wish-fulfillment engine, not a genie. So we turn to him, then He also is like Jesus did: 'Yes, if this cup passeth over me, then may it be so, but let Thy will be done.' Even in that case, for him to say that, you know better.

But I never asked you. I was such a—he said, 'I feel super...' Well, let's say that our mind is always there, isn't it? I'm going to pray for you.

Thank you. I'm going to pray for you. Okay.

I know. And then he—so what I'm feeling is that when he says, 'I pray for you,' he's like that, 'I hope you can come back to following the right way,' right? I mean...

Always make a petition for our brothers and sisters to God. So in his humility, we always pray to God.

Yeah, so...

That Thy will be done even in this case. In everything, Father, you can say that, 'I wish this is,' but you can end by saying that, 'If it's Your will,' isn't it? You can always say that. So we just live like that. This to translate for those: we just live like just have faith. Ram Ji is here. Then he takes all the examples—Ram, Sugdash—where He takes care of the tiniest and the biggest things in the world. So He takes care of everything. What do we have to worry about? All the sages have also told us the same.

It was not a job. I feel like it was very alive before I left. No, like that. I would like—you said that He is here and it's not even an imagination. No, He's here. Or maybe it is an imagination, I don't know actually. But it...

No, not that it's imaginary. No, it is not that. Constant reminder we need because it suddenly comes. Yeah, I'll tell you what it is. Like when I was remembering, it's a memory of—it was coming with a lot of power and that was deserting a lot. Right now it's not coming like that. But I keep praying, keep...

Many times our prayer will be without any outpouring of anything that we can grasp and say, 'Okay, this is a good place.' It'll seem very blank at times. It will seem very without feeling, without any goodies, and the mind will use that opportunity to attack and say, 'What is the point? You're failing, you're not doing well.' All this stuff. What are we to do? I need to expose something. It's like when you're doing this, you still want to, you still... Okay, I got the 'taking care of everything right from an ant to a mountain.' Have faith in Ram Ji, my brother.

But okay, I want to—now I'm curious.

Oh, good. Not that curious.

There was a mean thought which comes, you say, and you're praying. Sometimes you're like, you're angry with someone and you know you can't, first, be angry and, second, then you can't tell God what kind of justice has to be done. Like, I can't feel good because I say, 'Oh, God will punish you.' I find that quite awful actually when I want to say it, but I realize that I shouldn't say it, that it's really not my place to...

You can say, 'God will do justice.'

Can? Yeah, but He's just in my justice, yeah.

It's like a reminder for ourselves. We don't have to worry; justice is His.

So in—and so when it—I know when it comes from my heart that justice is His, but then like you said, it doesn't mean punish. It means it will be resolved in the way God knows best. It doesn't—I don't feel like...

I don't want to go there.

I don't feel that with God there is something like punish. It may feel to us a punishment. Yeah. I just feel that—I mean, that's what I'm checking, that I don't want to go in that realm of 'he will be punished' or 'not punished' or, you know, all of that.

Basically what I'm saying is that you don't have to worry about any injustice having been done to you because all justice is His.

Yes, I saw that very clearly experientially. My grievances or our resentment is built on the concept of me having been treated unjustly, but then remembering that He's there taking care for that. It's why I remember that story also where, you know, He's telling him like what he asked. It was like so on my face that—and it doesn't feel right when you have—because you said we can't be angry and we don't know. I don't know, like you said, you don't know what this perceptual—what your mind is telling you is true to begin with. That's really a powerful point. And if I don't know what this is, then how can I? If I believe it, that's where all the—because I'm not coming from my heart there, I'm still in my head believing a narration which you've clearly said is not true. And to go with that and then make that narration of a sufferer and then you're this, that, and the other, and justice and all...

This one.

Okay, no. Now what are you saying, Father? I have to have one state.

Including this narrative.

Which one narrative?

This one that I get into. The narrative is also a narrative at all.

What did you feel?

No, I thought that—no, I was like holding on to this pointer that don't believe those things because it's a narrative. It's not true. That's what I thought you were taking away. So, it's like okay, maybe one day, but now later. Sorry. I feel like after—I was just seeing like when I was speaking to my dad today and then that issue was going on, and I was trying to map in my mind how much—like I could see that God took care of things, but then again, you know, the mind was going into like, 'Will God take care of the next thing?' or like this. It's so stupid that I'm trying to judge how He's going to take care of the situation or how much is His grace and what is. And I was believing all of that. You know, it's just so stupid, Father. But if I don't see His magnificence, I just miss it completely. Like I just miss seeing all these things, you know? I just have to be like—just have to keep remembering that it's...

So remember also that just apply immediately. Yeah. Don't wait to take the medicine. This is the medicine where you just apply. Don't have to wait for the report. Just like, where is the joy that you know now that God is here with you?

There's...

There, huh?

Where is it? How much is there?

I can't tell. Like it's...

It has to overflow into your face and through your expression and everything. That's correct. It's like—let me take that example. So if He came—Ram Ji, Krishna Ji, anyone, any expression that resonates with us—now He came and half the people left saying it was okay, actually. Yeah. So, so this is the project. This is the project, like how the mind has normalized it. Yeah. That's what we've been talking about last few satsangs with her question also last time. Like, 'Yeah, then what can I do? That God is here. Yeah. I just have to remember that. Is that all?' So the past few weeks, this has been the constant conversation I've had with everyone, even starting with Radha that day probably. It's just like, 'Yeah, I just have to, you know, just remember that He's here.' And I'm just like, but He is here! And I'm not blaming, I'm just saying that missing what we're talking, Baba, in the words. You see, it's like saying, 'Oh, you know, I had like the best chocolate ever,' but your words are saying, 'I had the best chocolate ever,' but where is that 'I had the best chocolate'? And you're talking about God. It's just because we've had so many years of satsang and even otherwise in the world, it'll just be 'God'.

I wanted to thank you for that conversation because it really—it really got to where it needed. Um, and you have been saying this for a long time now, like 'God is here,' like you're shaking us with your words. And I often feel that what you're trying to do or what you were trying to do was not landing here because I felt, but just knowing conceptually that God is here is not doing anything. Um, even though I know what you're trying to convey, it's not getting to the heart. And yes, I just wanted to thank you because the other day you spotted in what way I was preventing myself from the joy of seeing that God is here. And so that just automatically brings the... yeah.

Hey, good. Very—I'm glad it touched you that way.

Thank you, Father. You found...

Yeah. I want to also say that all of us now being in satsang and having lived in the world, we know enough about God conceptually also to be joyful in remembering that He is here. In the sense that—what is a good way to explain? So what is your—like something on your bucket list that you feel is fantastic but you haven't done yet? Like, I have lived in India all my life; I haven't seen the Taj Mahal. Okay. Yeah. And I have never, honestly, I've never had the fascination to. No. But suppose that I did and somebody said it's magnificent and, you know, it's so beautiful. You see, I know it only conceptually and perceptually I've seen some pictures of it. And if I was like attracted to that, then I would say if somebody said that we are going right now, I have a teleport machine, it's going to get me there—you—I'm trying to find a metaphor. It's not exact, but then that would be there. Know that exact—yeah, see the Taj, you know, after all these years, 50 years. So do we not know enough about God and His acts and His mercy and His love and His power and His intelligence and His grace that even if we hear conceptually that He's here, isn't that such joyful news? Of course, it is greater when we can rely on faith, can rely on the heart inside. It is greater. But even otherwise, just the best news. Who's your favorite movie star?

I don't have those anymore.

What have I done to... So suppose we had this conversation. None of us had—suppose it's Tom Cruise.

Oh, not at all. Okay. Brad Pitt.

I like some comedians. I like Pete Holmes. A comedian. He's the advisor comedian.

Pete Holmes. I'll send you a link. Okay. So suppose that—what suppose that you heard that he just—we invited him and he's just entering the room?

But I'm not—so it's not like that. I don't think we have those things for Hollywood people and stuff.

Who you have? So let's say because she's saying me. So if you were in Argentina and suddenly somebody told you, you know, your neighbor said, 'Isn't that man your teacher? I saw him. He's coming towards your house.' Then you haven't had the insight of that in your heart, still the news brings joy. You see, so I feel like even conceptually we know enough about God for it to be joyful news for everyone.

So it's not like that. I don't think we have those things for Hollywood people and stuff. Who you have... so let's say, because she's saying me, so if you were in Argentina and suddenly somebody told you, you know, your neighbor said, 'Isn't that man your teacher? I saw him. He's coming towards your house.' Then you haven't had the insight of that in your heart, still the news brings joy. You see, so I feel like even conceptually we know enough about God for it to be joyful news for everyone. Even if I see you every now and then, it's going to do something, but it doesn't do that still for God. It's very momentary. I know, I'm just trying to inspire more and more that break out the grooves of the mind, the normalization that it has done. No, but we do get to that point like when you say Shabri and you remember, it does come. It has to be kept alive. It has to be kept alive.

To keep alive. And then she said whatever, but I was checking and I said that, so my mind said, 'No, no, it's not there.' But I didn't believe it, you know, because sometimes you just without checking you believe. And then I looked inside, it's like, I mean, a vast joy and also a silent joy. It was like there, but if I had believed my mind, I wouldn't have seen. Where is it? It's still... and it comes because of... I mean, I'm just saying it because this is a conclusion, but it's the interaction of being in satsang somehow that just your heart has become big. And so now I feel the project in satsang is, see, first to express to everyone the fact and to bring to insight the fact that God is here. But now it seemed like the project is to take the 'me' out of it. This is just... what's he going to say? He's just going to say God is here. Like first it was, he's just going to ask, 'Who are you?' No, now it's going to become, whatever I take to Father, what's the point? He's just going to say, 'Who is here right now?' or 'God is here.' So why is that not just like, 'Yeah, God is here, Father is always in front of my house'?

Okay. So in God's case, we have to... that's why I keep remembering who is that one. So Saint Tulsidas said that it's not prayer till we remember who it is that we are addressing.

But I was saying now, I was feeling that when I am blessed with anything, sweetness or just nectar in the heart, then it is her. It's not the nectar or it's not the love. That's how I was hearing your talk, that I should not confuse it for a feeling or me feeling good, even though it is love, even though it is nectar, even though it is whatever, but it is not that, it is her. You know, that's how I've heard it, and that's what you said, right?

So not to... so we say the darshan, another way to say that is the outpouring of that. The outpouring of the felt love, the outpouring of the felt peace, bliss, you see, is to be accepted with humility and thanks, but not to be confused with the source of it, the heart of the matter. That's a reminder, no? That God is here, that's the reminder. Yeah. So if something scares us, maybe this reverse may be better. So, lizard. Some of you are very scared of lizards and rats. So if you remember lizard, then your face shows it immediately. So snake, some of you. Thief, something. Whatever these words carry, that's because that word has become energized with the feelings that you have about it and the fears that you have. You see, now that happens with the remembrance of God's name. That is a beautiful pathway. Beautiful pathway. No matter what we then encounter in life, just to remember God's name.

So the sages of the Orthodox Christian tradition said that if you don't cry every time you hear God's name, then you have work to do. What is the work? To live with Him, to stay in His presence. All this can't be forced. You can't decide, 'No, oh, God's name is this.' It is inspiration to do the work of being in His presence, to keep remembering His magnificence, to keep praising Him instead of wasting time on worrying and doing all the other things. Fill ourselves up with... what is your heart's highest insight right now without thinking about it? Sorry, sweaty hand like that. So like this, click, the name of God should become... who is it that we're talking about? God becomes a groove for us to stay with Him.

So if you had the insight about who you are... I know the Advaitins must be getting bored. So let me try to address them. So you came to insight about who you are. He is laughing really loud. So if you came to the insight about who you are after asking 'Who am I?' Atma showed us the reality of who we are. Now does the question 'Who am I?' become less potent or more potent? You see, so the tool which got you to the darshan of the Self then becomes the reminder of the darshan of the Self, and the inquiry becomes so beautiful because every time you remember 'Who am I?', it literally blows your mind. You see, unless we make knowledge out of it. That's why I prevent all this knowledge being created in the head, you see, because it should keep deepening in its potency to the point that then as soon as you say 'Who' and just turn towards the inquiry, the 'I' that you find is beyond magnificent.

So if you find anyone saying, 'Oh, I stopped doing the inquiry, you know, because I found seven years earlier, I found that...' I don't know what you're talking about. The mind probably hit you with some visual or something like that, because once you get a taste of this, this is what has been immortalized as nectar in our scriptures, Amrit. Once you get a taste of this, you don't want to stay away from it. And in Maya's temptation we will, but that reminder 'Who am I?' is then so beautiful because was that 'I' so... wonder and awe are not just the prerogative of the bhaktas or the devotees. Even the gyanis, they live in wonder. Just 'I'. That's it. The same. So the very instrument which was used on the path then becomes the reminder of the magnificence of the Nirguna. And the mind's idea of Nirguna is the opposite of it. Because the mind, the idea of nothing, cannot fathom that which is Nirguna because we don't have the capacity to fathom the glory of that one.

It's like the sages have told us that we cannot really describe the sun by looking at it because we can't look at it; our eyes burn. Does that mean the sun is nothing? So Nirguna is more a statement of our limited capacity to fathom that, not a dark empty room. That's why I love the phrase 'dazzling darkness.' Dazzling dark. So I hope this year becomes a year of wonder. We bring the wonder back into our lives and spirituality. Either way, either as a bhakta or a gyani, really these are just stupid intellectual categories. Insight doesn't have these divisions. I don't know. I'm just coming to see. I may forget about it. Imagine that if I had to crack how I'm guiding each of you, it would be very difficult for her. Oh, which part? I decide to speak in that moment. There it comes.

But is there like a symphonic structure for all of you being provided in satsang? Yes. It may not seem linear. That's why I said symphonic, because it'll build up in ways which we can't really place in our heads, but somewhere it all comes together. I trust the heart when it speaks. Being a teacher of God is very, very much sadhana in surrender. Surrender. It is not... many of us may feel, at least in my case this is true, but many of us may feel that being a teacher means that we don't have to practice anymore. But it requires a lot of practice to just keep your conditions, my own conditions, out of the picture as much as possible. It is a difficult thing. I was sharing with some of you, or I was not sharing in satsang, but I don't know if I was sharing, but with some of you I shared that suppose you've answered a particular question one thousand times. So in the last thirteen, fourteen years, some questions have come a thousand times. You see, so it's very easy to get into that groove of the answer. You see, because 'Oh, I know what you're asking. This is the answer.' Right?

So how to keep it up to the Atma to share in that moment where you're so deeply conditioned to answer it a particular way, you see, is work. Still is work. Because then the mind wants to take the easy way out and say, 'Yeah, this is what she's saying, just like that.' So, and I'm able to observe these things more than I used to in the past. So my eyes are opening little by little. I'm very slow. So they're opening slowly, slowly. So I'm able to spot the grooves, and when that groovy answer—which is not groovy really, but the answer from the groove—is coming, then many times I just take a step back and allow it to refresh. Do I have filters? Of course I do. Of course. Is there a long way to go? Of course there is. But the reassurance I can give you is that I'm on the job. I'm trying. These things are... spirituality becomes our conditioning after a while. So to remain fresh even of that is important.

Can we remain fresh of the last thirteen, fourteen years of sharing and allow this body-mind organism of communication to belong completely to Him? Fresh even if the question is repeated a thousand times. That is the challenge, and it requires humility. That's why I keep stressing on this point of humility, because if I already think I know, then I'm not going to be a true instrument. And none of you is here to meet Ananta. You will not like Ananta. Maybe all of you are here to get a taste of the one who is sitting in your heart. Is it? So my job is to try and just be as humble and as transparent an instrument of the light of the Atma within as possible. Because if you don't get that smell, then you won't recognize that smell on the inside. Then our spirituality will become convoluted. It'll become about this body-mind and that body-mind. But our spirituality is between our soul and our spirit. Between the Atma and the antahkarana is the spiritual project.

So the outer method is just guidance to be followed inwardly. So if your lives don't become full of the light of Atma, but you are very, very strong, rigid followers of Ananta, then I have done a horrible, done a terrible job by making it about me. So this one has to be forgotten as soon as possible, but not too soon also. In the sense that not before the job is done on the inside, the true Master has taken over, then this one will bow out. The thorn which is used to remove the other thorns is also thrown away. Love only deepens and grows in this whole process. The strangest thing is, you know what, that all this narrative also can be used to make it about me. Imagine a boy was given... making it about me, but was given a chance to share God in his late thirties until whatever point of time he lived, and he didn't do that. What a wasted life that would be, a wasted opportunity.

The more the good grooves then are activated within us, where trouble hits us, then our grooves are set to turn towards God instead of to turn towards worry and to turn towards agitation and all of these things. Then our lives will become godly more and more.

Oh, this is this that you were saying about what really means to say that God is here. That will be also like a good groove or a real... that will be also like a good groove. These grooves that you say, like a positive groove.

Groove. Ah yes, sorry. Yes. And hopefully the groove will become shorter and shorter. You see, shorter and shorter, deeper and deeper, and shorter and shorter. So the mind is troubling you. You say, 'God is here. God is here. God is here.' Or 'Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?' So you drop the shape in that way. Then as the groove becomes stronger and deeper, then maybe just once to remember God is here. Then as it gets deeper, then just 'God', then just... just turning, just the way we turn becomes a turn. Our challenge is twofold. One is that these grooves have to become more practiced, and the old grooves have to be let go of. So that old grooves have to be let go of is the challenging part. Well, both are challenging, but we are conditioned to respond to certain things in certain ways for many years. To break out of that and to turn to God and not egotism is the difficult part of this path.

God is here. Then as it gets deeper than just God, then just go, just turning, just the 'we turn' becomes a turn. Our challenge is twofold. One is that these grooves have to become more practiced and the old grooves have to be let go of. So that old grooves have to be let go of is the challenging part. Well, both are challenging, but we are conditioned to respond to certain things in certain ways for many years. To break out of that and to turn to God and not egotism is the difficult part of this path. That is why unceasing prayer, nirant sadhana and nirant japa—unceasing prayer. And remember, all of you know prayer is not just petitioning God, but to be in God's presence or intending to be in God's presence is prayer, either through using the inquiry or by words of other prayers. It's all prayer. Can we replace the question 'What about me?' with 'What about God?' The question is, the question is not whether God is with us, but are we with God? And a sage said to King David, 'Are we present to the Presence?' So, who's here? God.

At least getting a sense of what the attempt is. I don't know if it's the right phrase, but it keeps coming sometimes in prayer: the fountain of living waters. Is that the fountain of living waters? Is that the right phrase?

Fountain is what they say.

No, it's something. No, I didn't make it up. Yeah, from Jesus. No, yeah. So just that, um, it comes like the living presence of God, like, and it's literally that, like a literal freshness. No, like it's not stale and it permeates this world. No, not getting the words that insight gives.

But so he said to the lady at Jacob's well, 'So you give me this water today, but if you were to drink what I have to give you, you see, then you will always have that fountain of living water within yourself.' And there's something to that, brother. It's not like God. It's not just water.

What? No, no. It's not. It's some—it's spirit. Yes, it's spirit. It's not just the—it's spirit actually. So he's saying this path by his grace then that, yeah, I'm trying to say something. Okay, start talking, it'll come. You remember how we made the bhajans? So he's alive in my heart and the living waters is, is it, um, it's that as well as the freshness of everything. There's nothing. There's no—it doesn't stagnate, you know, unless we hold on and it feels a little, but it's like a gush. Um, it's fresh.

Fresh, unreliant on the past.

No, nothing. Doesn't matter what past, future. Right now he's here. Fresh God is here. So I've been at this for a few years. Fresh God is here. It's fresh alive presence. Past, future, past means nothing. It doesn't have. It's not. It's crazy what we swap for. What? It's like stupidest, like a running tap, you know, that never stops. Very bad. I think very bad. I don't know what words. Yeah, like a dam that is always flooded but we try to stop it. No, none of this equals to what you see in your heart. But we try to stop that. Seriously, how does this happen? Father, and it can't—we can't say anything about it also. Actually, I'm trying to say it because I want to speak out of joy of wanting to speak, but I'm not matching anywhere.

That is the very challenge of satsang: trying to put words to the ineffable and finding them quite unsatisfactory compared to the ineffable. It's right here, you know, it's right there, like so life.

What am I doing now? What am I doing now? Like a description I can give is like falling from head to heart is like almost it takes away all shape. Just takes them like a flattening. The stupid stuff I'm saying and this is how I feel it. There's no, there's no shape. It's like just you get pulled out and then constant. We need that strength that you're giving us, Father. This God is here. Without that, so dead. God is here. So dead. It like kindles that fire, you know, and I feel like this, like that nirant japa keeps that fire kindled. Like that's what I'm seeing the last three weeks, like just it keeps it alive. And yes, the ebb and flow happens. But I'm learning something really new that I've not learned before, Father, the last few weeks. Like even calling out to him, I feel like I'm met in a very fresh way, which is taking a lot of effort. Say it's not, not easy, but—

So can you break that down and say which part is the most difficult effort-wise?

The bhava, the bhava, like, like sometimes it actually comes like—

The breaking out of the old groove, the remembering who it is that we are calling out to?

It's more, more like effort, like because as soon as I'm with him, I'm somehow out of that even though it's right here trying to fight. But it's that mire-less that, that is taking effort to get out of. So I do taste, and I'm sure there's infinite more to go, but I do taste this. Like when I was singing, I'm telling you, the body was already feeling very shaky. Okay. But as I start, that's what I'm saying, like, so when I sing, I just, just realize I'm giving myself to God. And this side sometimes is giving me like, you know, like you're going to faint or something, like you're just going to—but I taste that just being with God. Yeah. And it gives me fear, you know, after you stop singing. Or this is what happened today, like I just know that could be huge play of Maya, which I don't want to go into, but that taste I get sometimes without singing when I'm invoking him with joy. So it's almost like I'm leaving everything, like say the gopis that just leave everything and you're only with God no matter what's happening here. But that's taking a lot of effort to get that bhava. Most of the time the bhava is trying to get out of the mire-ness of, rather the, the dead state, and it—the mind fights very hard to stop that effort. But when I'm in that, then I know that's real and I know, I know my soul is with God and I am made of God. But when I'm here, then—so it's that war that's going on, but it's effort. It's real effort because like breaking out of the grooves of—but it's a lot of effort, but it's way worth it. And I want help, Father, with that. I need that strength. Like the fire tries to suck, you know, like this—

Has all the tricks.

Even here I'm, I'm going to say it because then I know this it has done in the past few years, you know, 'Oh, you got tired after singing,' so the next time when I have to sing or even before, it'll put that fear in my head, you know, so then it'll stop, stop me from wanting to sing. And I know this trick because it brings me to God when I sing. So I know this trick and I won't leave. So even today was shaky. I sang. I just do know that connection. I just want to leave it at your feet. You see what I'm saying? Father, it's a trick. I know it's a trick. It tries to create a cause and effect and stop me from doing things that take me to God. So if the body has to drop after I sing, it's okay. You know, I want to be that courageous. It's going to take strength to get there because it tries every possible move to stop. Today I did get shaky. I did get a bit, you know, but satsang helped. So yeah, these are all tricks. No, Father, that my—

Sound. It sounds like, um, like the body could be tired. It's not about that, but it's the connection that it makes, you know, that you did this and so you're tired now.

But I did notice that there was a bit of a, like a conviction at that moment. There was a bit of a, like a almost like a mental conviction that yes, it is the body. It is there. There was not, um, and the attempt of course you had was to break that, but maybe what will help is to just—I'm not scared. The body is tired, rest a few, don't let it push you around here. Because something was very convinced. It was not even wanting to hear if I had something to say about it or not. It was very like, 'I know,' but it in that moment it was a bit like—

Father, this exact thing happens to me. Like that day after the New Year thing, I went back. New Year only, you know, I exactly—I want to say this because I saw it so clearly that day. So I went down, I went home, I was gone. According to my head, I was gone. I told Father, said, 'Give it to God, give every, give everything to God.' And I lay down and I was somewhere. My mind told me, and I told Father, but I, I am empty. Okay, I'm empty, so there's nothing really that I am doing wrong. Okay, this is the position that my mind took, and to me it sounded very valid. I don't know if you can spot, spot this, but for me it was so clear that day because I'll, I'll complete then maybe you can. So I said, 'I'm empty and there's no story playing out.' So from my side, so my, yeah, I might be actually very exhausted. I must have eaten something, too much sugar, whatever, that my body is gone. This is the story that it painted, and when I invited it, it was empty. It was not coming, and we were in bhajans and everything, so it was empty. Okay. But when I started praying, okay, and my heart started filling, then I started noticing the emptiness of that 'empty' and the fullness of my heart. So that day, Father, I realized that it's about awakening my heart. Like how you were saying, it was really about awakening the heart rather than the absolute logic-proof, everything conceptual assurance and finality of the moment like how the mind proposes it. So supposing for you, tired Samuel, sadly same happens to me, did, and I had so many symptoms that night. It was full of symptoms. Conclusion was that my heart was empty. Yeah. Conclusion was, of course, I am tired. I'm very sick. I have lots of symptoms. And now for the next ten days, I'm going to be gone. This was my conclusion. All like, forget next few days. Right now my head is hurting. My body is trembling. My veins are, my nerves are fully activated. And I can't—I have brain fog. It was saying all of this. It's just a ploy to keep me away from going in. And the minute I went, it was gone. It left.

Exactly. It's all about to go in. Yeah. It's okay. It doesn't matter so much what, what it was. I'm saying for the future, maybe have a simple benchmark, how to tell if my mind is tricking me or like it's a Maya trap or the body is actually tired. So, has there been a lot of physical activity today or in the last few days that the body should be tired? Maybe you can look at that.

Yeah, I feel like it, yes, you know, like I would have slept longer last couple of days. I wanted to sleep a bit more, but I'm not able to say if this is the reason because I've gone through so many years of being with this trap that it's difficult for me. Like my eyes start to sink in, so I can't make out. And this has happened in the last few years, so I can't make out if it is a trap or the body's actually tired. So I really can't make—

If you just like keep your focus on God. Hanuman Ji is with me.

Yeah. That fearlessness about—that fearlessness. I'm—it's coming. I not say it's there all the time. It's coming. It's shaky. It shakes.

I think that David is at the right time. God sent it to me. I need that strength. So but if you find me like, if you have to tell me, Father, because I can't catch myself, like, because I can get into this. Yeah, like conviction. I'm like, 'Don't touch that,' you know.

Very scary place. So please tell me how I can't see it. And, and also a position that 'I can't get tired now.' That is also a position. 'I shouldn't get tired.' That the stupid thing like fear. It's fearful. It's not—was like that. It was like that for until you call like that. 'I can't sing because I'm dead. I can't do this because of time.' It's not fibro. It's just a trap. That's good. It's all right. Even if you don't—I, I really when I came out of it, like, this is how, this is maybe even the beginning of the fight. I don't even—like, God knows, but to see what Maya wants to take over, how she wants to really take over. So what we should do is that every moment we have the capacity to, we must praise God. We must sing the goodness of God. Because that is what I learned after my—

So I just feel like now, every chance, praise the Lord.

Yeah.

Like it's the last chance.

Yeah. Because you don't know tomorrow. I had already announced my retirement. This is second life.

This is maybe even the beginning of the fight. I don't even like—God knows—but to see what Maya wants to take over, how she wants to really take over. So what we should do is that every moment we have the capacity to, we must praise God. We must sing the goodness of God, because that is what I learned after my... so I just feel like now, every chance, praise the Lord. Yeah. Like it's the last chance. Yeah. Because you don't know tomorrow.

I had already announced my retirement. This is second life, or third. Doesn't the fact of God's presence alive in our hearts and the magnificence of how good that news is—I want to keep sharing that over and over. Both actually are the same, but in our mind's way, we have normalized. So if we can, God can become... I can turn to God. I'm not turning to some human. I'm not turning to some worldly thing. I'm not turning to some technology. I'm turning to God.

So if we felt like all of the world's light is together and it's on our side, then that would be something. And we'll feel like if all of gravity—like we saw on these comic books, cartoons growing up, that some, you know, you could get a ring so you would control gravity, another would control fire, another would control this. You see? So if you just realize the magnificence of the One that is with us, all these would seem like tiny things, you see? But Maya's job is to make us hypnotized, to make us think like this is big and that is nothing, you see? And that is why faith is so important in spirituality. What does your heart tell you? Who is that who's with you? And you can't do it in an analytic way. You can't do it just purely intellectually understanding. That may seem like a pathway, you see, but you have to fall into faith in your heart.

He talked about David and Goliath. Huh? How is it a little boy, a shepherd boy, fought with that giant, was happy to face him? Yeah. Tiny stone. So, the beauty of all these scriptural stories in all religions is that they can be met at so many different levels. They are magnificent at all of them. So we are encountering the powerful force called Maya, like Arjun in the Mahabharat is it. But who is with us? And because God is with us, that giant of Maya is not going to be anything.

I'm very grateful for this challenge that I'm facing, you know. I'm very grateful because I see how God is helping me also. I see like this David thing I was telling Ishana, like it's been there forever, it has never come in front of my face, like I've never been attracted to it. Now it just feels like I just... it was the right thing I needed, you know? And I'm just like glued to it. Like I can put it on loop and I hear it here, you know. And so it's not by chance that it's here, that this whatever is here, you know.

There is no such thing.

Nothing. And it's only that I grow in it, in God, is why He's put it here. No, it's not here because of any other reason. So I'm grateful for this difficulty or whatever, this growth period, you know. Atika used to tell me, like from the Lalita Sahasranama, she would bring up things, but she would also make sure that she builds a fortress around you, you know, and protects you through it. I feel like that Father, like God is protecting through the challenges that He gives, you know. So it can seem difficult, but I don't know how to say it—it can seem difficult, but you also are protected by Him. He doesn't... He holds you, you know.

Okay, let's go to Samia.

Hi, Father.

Hello. Hello, my son.

You can't hear?

No. What? Back? Oh, still is it an echo back? Yeah. Okay. Just a second. Let's see now. Yeah, that's fine. It's completely fine. I'm sorry.

Father, it seems like there are many things that I want to speak with God in the form of you. But recently in satsang, you just bring me in such a silence. It seems like also sleep because I need this, you know. Like this meeting, in my case, it becomes like sleep because I feel so just so tired. So I don't know. I'm happy. It just gives me the sense that like when I feel the silence, I feel happy, Father, because I don't know. Yeah, I'm just so happy about this silent whatever it is, that just zero, nothing.

No, what's happening? It is not working, Father? Now it's back. It's back now. So I was still throughout satsang, I was on the wrong internet. There's a way that... do you have somebody has number they can call? How was the audio throughout the satsang?

It was fine. Okay. I think it was fine. Okay. Yeah.

I don't know if it is about me, but I don't... so, I don't know what to say, Father. I don't know. Did you hear me, but I said nothing?

Only the last part was not so clear. After you told me you're very tired and you needed the rest, there was one something you mentioned which I couldn't catch.

But I don't know what to say. Basically just hello.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Just hello. Hello and hug. I don't know. I want to cry also.

Also. Yeah. Hello.

We all becoming God-obsessed crazy people. So on that path, all the difficulties, all the mind tricks, all the Maya traps, all the fears, all the problems, everything will show up. But as long as you keep remembering who is that One with you. Is He there or no? Is He there with you or no?

I think I lost my sense of God and everything. I don't know, Father. Father. Yeah. It's good that you talk. Like, as I lost my sense of problem a lot, like I don't feel so many things that I take as negative before.

Very good.

But at the same time, I kind of lost my sense of God as well. It just has turned out to that as well. I...

Who told you that? Yeah. Your heart told you?

I just feel like that.

Feel. There's a feeling that God is that feeling. Something doesn't want to let go of that position. Whereas on the other side is the good news. The instant I asked you who told you, there was a slight smile on your face because you spotted that your mind tricked you, no? And then something went back to solidifying that.

I'm sorry, Father. I can't understand anything.

What is your heart's report on this?

About what?

That you lost the sense of God and His presence.

Sorry, but what you just said, I can't catch anything now.

Somebody can type it for her also. The fact that you lost... as you lost your problems, you also lost the sense of God's presence. So your heart told you that?

No, Father, not that I lost presence. No. I don't know. I don't know about these distinctions anymore. I'm not saying that I lost God's presence. I cannot even understand this distinction. I cannot say that I lost God's presence. But it's okay.

Okay. So, let go. Let go of that thought. Just relax. You're fine. Don't worry. All is good. As you lose problems, then the mind wants to create new, bigger problems.

Father, I realize that. No, Father. You know, I just realized that it's not that it tries to create a problem, but it's like just... I feel just so pure, Father. And as if like this purity just... I still want to make it dirty. It's like a habit or whatever it is, you know. That's why, yeah, this is why I came and also want to ask help. I just realized it because otherwise I'm just so empty. But because like I have to be something. Maybe this is the way it works. I need to be something at least. And it's just I'm not meditating. I cannot chant. I'm just filling myself with junk food, as I told you before, with social media, with all these things. But even though I do this, I still feel just so pure. Like I don't know what God did to me. He just purified me. But it's just such a habit that because out of emptiness of... I don't know, like there is nothing here, I cannot find anything. So it just still like, yeah, try to fill with junk food. So for that I want to ask for your help, Father. I want to stop it but I can't because at the same time it feels like it's coming from outside. I don't know, it's just like I cannot wake up from this thing, you know. Like I don't know. So for that I...

I feel it's all right. I feel all right. Maybe just too much New Year's excitement and parties and things.

No, not at all. I wish, I wish, Father, I wish. This is another thing. I wish I could use my time.

So, is that a problem now?

Yeah. This is also a little bit problem.

No problem. Sorry, I don't want to keep you also, it's already too late, but I don't feel so that...

Sometimes your face tells me a higher truth than your words.

So it cannot catch now. I don't take care of it so well recently. So it's quite slow now. I'm good, Father, really. All my...