The Greatest Gift That You Can Give to Your Self Is To Come to This Recognition - 24 September 2021

Then allow even thoughts, what we call the mind. Allow attention to go to it. Don't buy any of its stories, but allow yourself to perceive whatever thoughts are there. Don't try to push away any sensation. If you're hearing the siren, hear it, it's fine. Allow your attention to go to that which we call emotions. If there is joy, if there is fear, go to fear, but meet it without these labels. Whatever you may be experiencing, don't resist any emotion, any sensation.

Now allow yourself to become aware of your being itself, your presence, sense of existence. Now notice that it is you that is aware even of this beingness, of this sense of presence. You are aware, but you are independent even of that. Notice that you are just aware. You cannot perceive yourself; no senses apply here. Here, through your intuitive insight, you are aware of yourself. No attention is needed here.

So what is the good news? The good news is that no matter where you go or your attention goes, you only meet yourself. You only meet God. There is nothing in opposition to you. There is nothing that you have to fix. Whichever aspect of your existence you meet, whether it is the world, whether it is your being, whether it is any layer of thought, emotion, intellect, it is all manifestations of the very Atma which is aware of all of this. But in the emergence or appearance of any of this, that unchanging reality has not been touched or changed.

It is just true for truth's sake. What I am showing you is not meant to help some idea of yourselves. Everywhere you go, you only find God. You only find God inside, at the body, any object of your senses. It's just God, God. It is the truth, actually, which is inescapable and inevitable. But once we try to make an understanding out of this, or knowledge out of this, a meaning out of this, that is when it can start to seem very convoluted, very limited. So remain in this innocence. You will not lose anything but your story. You will not lose anything but the ability to include yourself in time. You will lose the ability to say 'this is what is happening to me, this is me.' You cannot find, you will not be able to look at the fluttering perception and make it about yourselves. You will not be able to conclude that this appearance means this for me, because the ground in which this 'me' could stand has been taken away.

Of course, your mind will scream to say 'me, me, what about me? Help me.' But the only way to help you is to see that, to help you see that this 'me' is not real. So belief in the mind is an escape from God, but it's not a true escape. It is a made-up fantasy because in reality you are only ever met with God. You don't have to try and be something. You don't have to try and be spiritual. You don't have to try and be enlightened. To try, what do you have to be? Try, what do you have to be? One that can try? Have you met that one? Can you see that one? It doesn't exist.

I couldn't listen your your last sentences like I couldn't, I couldn't, I don't know what you said because, well, it comes from the afraid of or from the, it's something I cannot forget. I cannot forget all of the craziness and the losses of consciousness. It's been happening year after year. I cannot forget that. And there's this fear of going in this. And now that I'm going down with some new medicines, I lose consciousness and I'm not there, and I'm doing things but I don't know because there's no consciousness seeing that. And then I'm inside of a psychiatric hospital and I don't really even realize.

Okay, let's pause there. So in this moment you have forgotten. In this moment you have forgotten. Right now you have forgotten. You have forgotten. Your mind is saying 'I cannot forget,' but you can't even remember what you cannot forget. You see, you have to take time to remember what you think you cannot forget. You have to take time to remember what you think you cannot forget. What is here right now before remembering or forgetting? Now don't take time. Don't take any time right now. Don't take any time. You want to help the one in time, but let the one which is timeless for the moment, and then we will together decide how to help. What is your present experience right now? Right now?

But I doubt. I didn't hear you well. What is it? I doubt. I'm here to see you but I doubt.

Okay, but you are there before you can doubt. For this to work, we have to slow down. Really slow. Slow down really slow because the mind will keep you in a rush so that you don't listen. It will really keep you in a rush, which is very good. So before you can doubt, you have to be there, isn't it?

Yes, yes.

So before the doubt comes and after the doubt goes, what are you? What is the 'I' that is here independent of whatever doubt or not doubt may happen? I don't care about doubt or trust for the moment. The you that is there, is it a body? What is the quality of the you that is present before the doubt or the trust comes? Right now, don't go to your mind for the answer. I don't need that kind of answer. What do you see? What do you see?

I don't care. I don't care. What is the quality? I don't care.

Then if you don't listen to that and you will follow your mind's lamentation that it doesn't care, is it true about you or is it your mind which is saying 'I don't care'? Because if you didn't care, why would you come here? Sorry, okay, I couldn't listen. Okay, you come to satsang not to listen to your mind, isn't it? You come to satsang to listen to Ananta. Now Ananta is advising you to look at yourself in a certain way. Obviously your mind will resist that, but remember that you came to satsang not to listen to your mind, because your mind is always with you. Ananta is only with you once a week or once in a few weeks. So use this time to listen to this one and then the rest of your time you can go back to that if you want. So the one that is before the doubt or the trust can be there, what can you tell me about that?

But it's like mind is coming to answer, you know? I listen my mind coming to read the answer inside me.

That's good, that's good, that's good. If you did not notice it coming from the mind, I might have not known how it is. It's fine, it's fine. Let me help you with this. So very good, now you're noticing. Now you're just noticing and speaking from there. So the mind is coming to answer. Who is aware of this mind?

I. I am aware.

How are you aware of this 'I' that is aware? You are aware of the mind. You are aware that it is you that is aware.

There's nothing. There's nothing else. I don't see anything else than I'm being aware of this thought.

How do you see yourself? How do you see this 'I' here?

There's like this confusion because, well, I disconnected so many, so many, so many years, so I have all these concepts. If I don't pay attention to the mind, I don't know. I hope I should talk too fast to see if this is talking just my other way, but I don't know. I don't know what to say.

Don't worry, don't worry about any of that. You're doing well now. You're doing well now. So we came to this point where you notice that the mind is coming up with answers, it is coming up with confusion, but it is you that is aware of the perception that we call mind. Now, how are you aware of this you or 'I'? Which you is that one that you cannot perceive, but you are so clear it is 'I', it is you, isn't it? So if somebody says you are not aware of the perception that we call mind, it is somebody else that is aware, you will say 'No, of course I am aware, I am this I.' You cannot perceive, isn't it? Try to perceive it. Don't go with your thinking either.

If I try to perceiving, I go outside that I perceive with the eyes, that I perceive what are my feelings, what the thoughts are saying. All this that I'm perceiving is the 'I' that is perceiving all these things.

The reason why I took you all through the first exercise was so that you don't have to worry about perceiving any perception, you see? Let yourself perceive whatever you want. But you that is aware of the perception, does that change no matter what you perceive?

I don't know because I don't know. I use that.

Try to change it now. Let somebody else be aware of this hand and somebody else be aware of the room around you. Can you make it?

There's nobody else here. Nobody else.

Exactly. So this 'I' that you see, there is nobody but myself here. Nobody but this myself you cannot see, isn't it?

Yeah, I just see the body.

Exactly, exactly. So that Self is aware even of the perception that we call the body, the sensation, the pain, the pleasure, the joy, the bliss, the anger, the frustration, the sadness. All of it is perceived. All the perceptions only you are aware of. But this you—

Could somebody else be aware of the room around you? Can you make it? There's nobody else here. Nobody else, exactly. So this 'I' that you see, there is nobody but myself here. Nobody but this myself you cannot see, isn't it?

Yeah, I just see the body.

Exactly, exactly. So that Self is aware even of the perception that we call the body, the sensation, the pain, the pleasure, the joy, the bliss, the anger, the frustration, the sadness—all of it is perceived. All the perceptions only you are aware of. But this you that is aware of them, can it be perceived by others? Can you perceive yourself? Can I perceive myself?

Yes, I have too much imagination, you know. I can go out inside the universe and then see all the stars and there's the darkness and see me in the—

Let me repeat one important point. The point is that no matter where your attention may go, it may go to imagination. Even this world is the imagination of consciousness, you see, so don't worry. So it can go to all kinds of images, and all images are the imagination of consciousness only, you see, so don't worry. It can go. But what is on the other side of it? Who is aware of the perception? Let the images be whatever. It could be nice, it could be happy, it could be sad, it could be big, it could be small. No matter what it is, who's on the other side watching all of this?

No, I don't get this. I cannot think about this or I cannot search for this.

You can, you can. You don't have to think about it. I'll tell you how. Right now you are aware of the perception of this hand. Yes, this hand you are perceiving. How do you know it is you that is aware? Is it because you are thinking it is you, or is it independent of that?

Exactly.

So whether you can think about it or not has nothing to do with the self-discovery attitude, and whether you can perceive or not has nothing to do with the self-discovery. How do you know it is you that is aware of this perception? Do you have to think about it?

No, it's me. Probably when it's not me is when I become crazy and I'm in the hospital, you know.

Let's not worry about that for the moment.

Yeah, but it worries me a lot for the moment.

Don't, because you have the rest of your week to worry about that. But if you keep thinking about what you are worried about, then the solution will not be assimilated, you see, because then we are only talking about time. I am talking to you about something which is beyond time. But if you say, 'I need to squeeze this into my time-bound experience,' then you will miss the timeless which I am pointing you to, and then the mind's trick will work where you go back into the circle of time with the roller coaster of all of this up and down.

And I don't know how to not pay attention to this thought. I'm going to the hospital soon. I'm becoming crazy. It's like I'm doing a lot of people just—

Hey, here, like, don't go. Don't go because, I mean, it's like all that you can do is remind yourself gently that you come to Satsang to hear Ananta speaking. You don't come to Satsang to hear your mind speaking. So just remind yourself of that. And now I'm asking you: the one that is aware of this perception, if I say it is not you, what will you say? Who is it?

Okay.

So I say, okay, now can you see that it is not you, or you're still insisting it is you?

No, it's me.

It's you. So, but prove it to me. Can you show me the color of this you? What does it look like? Your mind will resist. It's okay, it's okay.

No, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if there's any color or if there's any form or if there's any—I cannot say, no.

Yes, I don't know. Yes. But then your answer would have been, 'I don't know. I don't know who is aware of the perception of your hand.' But your answer is not that. In your heart, it is clear that it is you. You cannot deny it. Even this voice, you are aware of the perception of this voice.

Yeah. Can I make a break? I know you don't want to listen to my thoughts, but if right now I was euphoric or maniac, as psychiatric says, I could say, 'No, no, that is not my hand, that is the hand of blah blah blah.' So you see what happened?

I see, but you're not saying that.

No, no, I can say now. Yes, I'm saying this this time and exactly, it's me. It's when you always sing this song on a moment I can say, 'No, it's not.'

Yes, don't worry about the other moment. For the moment, grace is with us. That's why you have this clarity. You are able to see that it is I that is aware of all perceptions, including the perception of the hand.

Yeah, but I don't know what is that.

That's good. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. And yet you are able to see that it is you without having to see it with eyes, with this, with sight, you see? It is actually the great unknown. It cannot be known conceptually. Nobody knows. The greatest sage does not know in the way that we say 'know,' you see? And yet at a different level, whether you call it intuition or heart, you know that it is you that is aware. I know that it is I that is aware. I know that there is only this 'I' at that level of knowledge which is not conceptually constructed, you see? It is absurd to say it is not I. There is no such thing as 'not I am.' So to come to Satsang is just to allow ourselves to rest in that deeper knowing, that which is aware that it is I that perceives. To the world, that deeper knowing is meaningless. The world is meaningless. So I'm just introducing you to that aspect of yourself where you recognize yourself without needing any perception. Now, the best part about recognizing that is that not only is the self-recognition apparent there, but every problem in the world is also resolved from there. We have transcripts, we have everything, because we are aware of the resistance that can come from the mind. So all this is made available for all of you. So many times your mind will fight and say, 'Yes, I am aware, so what's the big deal? How does it help me?' you see? But I want to tell you that this recognition where it is clear to you that you are aware, you are awareness itself—in that intuitive insight, every guidance, every solution, in fact, the non-existence of all problems is apparent. Therefore, even in a worldly way, the greatest gift that you can give to yourself is to come to this recognition. So what intelligence do you have to rely on? It's a very original, very basic, very simple intelligence. But we have lost touch with that, and that intelligence has been overridden by that which we call conceptual knowledge or mental knowledge. And the mind likes being in control now because it's had the control for a long time. So it will resist this switch over, you see? Now, the return to your innocence will be resisted completely by your mind because that is its design. It's designed to take control and doesn't like it when control is being taken away from it. Now, where do you have to go to go to the self-recognition? Nowhere. Only as you let go of the proposals from the mind, this intuitive knowledge is just shining through you. This is the beauty of this simplicity, that all you have to do to go to your heart, to go to your intuition, is not buy into the proposals from the mind, not buy into the notion of time, not buy into the idea of 'what if this happens, what if that happens.' All that speculation we keep aside and we just find what is true right here, right now.

I don't—I can't follow when you say to go to your heart or to your intuition. For me, it's a blank thing. I don't understand completely. I try to understand that you're saying to realize that I am that 'I' before all the construction of thinking or feeling or with the world of whatever, this 'I' that I can recognize that I am, right? But—

So I'm just helping you by explaining to you: how do you go to that recognition? How do you go to that intuitive intelligence where you recognize that you are that which is aware, you see? And the only way to go to it is to let go of the false. It is not somewhere that you have to go. It is just the desktop; the false has to be swept aside. How do you let go of the false? I'm telling you: every proposal that your mind is offering to you, you just let go of that. Allow it to come and allow it to go. That's all.

Yes, I get, but it's a lot of effort to be all the time—probably I'm not all the time seeing what comes from my mind, but most of the time I'm seeing what comes from my mind because I'm with so much attention to don't become crazy that I'm seeing, 'Okay, this is just thought, this is just mind seeing this or that or whatever.' Just when I'm talking, maybe it's not working so much. And I don't know if sometimes the thought says, 'But whatever you are saying, it's also mind, so everything is mind.'

Okay, let me tell you a simple example. Suppose that there is a man who works at the airport, okay? There's a man who is working at the airport, yes. And his job is to pick up the bags from the conveyor belt. Okay? Now, he doesn't know, but his job is not needed anymore. He's been laid off, you see? But he's not understanding. When people say, 'Your job is done, you can go home,' all he wants to do is pick up the bags. So somebody comes to him and says, 'No, no, you can stop, stop.' 'Okay, can I stop? But it's too much effort to stop,' you see? 'I can't really stop, that's too much effort to stop.' Then somebody has to really explain to them that try, try, just try to stop. It's actually not effort; it's just that you're used to it, so it feels so natural. But to actually not pick up is effortlessness. So for a while that man will resist and say, 'No, no, but this is my job. What am I without this? I have to only pick up the bag.' Then you find someone that you trust, you find someone that you listen to, and he says, 'Okay, try it for one moment. Let one bag go. Let one bag go.' But the next bag has the title, it says, 'But if I let this bag go now, it will come back again,' you see? So I have to pick it up. And okay, okay, now you picked up this one, now don't pick up the next one. But 'what happens when I'm not in Satsang' is the label for the next one. So we pick that up, and in that way, the one that is running the conveyor belt called the mind is winning because all the messages that you are scared of are being put over there. 'What if this happens, what if that happens, I'm not able to stay like that.' Just let go one thought, that's all you have to do. Just one bag. Don't pick up one bag. Just allow it to come in, just allow it to go, no matter what it is saying, how helpful it is sounding, how true it is sounding. Don't worry about any of that. In every moment, if you think you need to do a job, your only job is to let go of the next bag. That's all. Whatever the bag may say, it may have your name on it in big letters saying 'Pick me up.' No, let go. This is the bag, you see? The next bag came with that title.

I don't see that easy. Okay, what is the next bag? There's a big, big bag that says, 'What happened if as a result that maybe it's true that the brain is not okay?' Then maybe I as a consciousness—if that one bag is saying a lot of things, it's a big, big name card on it. Yeah, but this part comes very, very useful because when I go to the psychiatrist, they tell me that my brain is broke and that it would be broke for all my life, and too many years. So this bag is very huge.

So even if that was true—I'm not saying it is true—but even if that was true, to think about that over and over again, does that help the brain get fixed back again?

No, but it's not a made-up thing for this.

Yes, but it's the bag that is coming, no? Like you said, that comes now. You have been—you're fired from that job to pick up the bag, and I'm the one who's telling you you no longer have to pick up the bag.

Yes, but his bag is not helping him. Not my bag, it's the bag of the psychiatric that it's saying to me like a truth: 'Gemma has this disability, this capacity...'

Over and over again, does that help the brain get fixed back again? No, but it's not a made-up thing for this. Yes, but it's the bag that is coming. No, like you said that comes now. You have been... you're fired from that job to pick up the bag, and I'm the one who's telling you you no longer have to pick up the bag. Yes, but he's back. He's not helping him. Not my bag, it's the bag of the psychiatrist that it's saying to me. Like a true... you, Gemma, has this disability, this capacity. You're gonna be sick all your life. And then other side also, my mom to think about this all the time. Other psychologists also telling you, you must keep telling yourself and believing that my brain is broken, my brain is broken. You have to keep telling yourself that. They are telling you to do that?

No, I don't know who is doing this. Yes, it is your mind. So allow this bag to come and go, no matter how true anything is sounding and who has told you. Let your next bag go.

I need my goal. Yes, I touch it, that's it. And then it's like it's true or it's not true. It's probably that my brain is broke, that's why I cannot be well. I don't know.

Yes, either way, thinking of thinking about stopping to think does not help. In the same way, thinking that, 'Oh, there's something wrong with me' does not help. No doctor will also tell you, 'Keep thinking about how things are wrong with you, that will really help you,' you see. So forget about all of that. Allow yourself to meet God, which is here. And I'm showing you the way to meet God, which is here, which is to not pick up the next bag. Because you have taken yourself to be the bag-man, actually, but you are God. But you will not see that. It is not a bag which has to come with the label 'I am God' which you have to pick up and take. Once you are empty of these bags, then it is your natural insight. It's your natural insight that way beyond the afflictions of this body and way beyond the afflictions of this world, you are the holy divinity itself, which is beyond all of things. But not as thoughts, not as concepts that you pick up from the conveyor belt again. From letting go, this is the insight which remains. This is the insight which remains. So don't make concepts out of them. Don't make bags out of them.

So, I'll give you one more tip. Many times you will pick up a bag; everybody does, okay? No matter how enlightened they are, they sometime or the other, everybody always picks up a bag, you see. But what about the ones that are free and the ones that are not? You see, what's the difference? But the ones that are free, you see, when the next bag comes and says, 'Oh, you're so bad, you were not supposed to pick up that bag,' they don't pick up that bag. They allow themselves to become empty again. And the ones who are not free and are spiritually seeking, they will pick up all the bags about unworthiness and how the Master told them not to pick up. All these are bags only, you see. All these are bags only, but we end up picking them. That is the only difference. Okay, what's the next bag now?

I want to say that every thought is a thought, and suddenly they aren't there and their fear comes.

We'll come to this point where we will start to make a distinguishing... be able to distinguish between our mind and our heart guidance or our intuitive guidance. But before we can start talking about...

Sorry, distinguish between what?

Mental notions, yes, and our intuitive guidance or our heart guidance. But before we can do that, you must just for some time not pick up any bags. Don't worry about where it is coming from. Everything that you may feel is coming from a very true place, then in a few weeks we can start talking about subtler things about how to distinguish between mind and heart. But for now, allow this to go. Otherwise, your mind will only pose as the heart and it will send you all kinds of messages. Okay?

Can I just ask you one thing more? Good. I don't know the name of him, what the name... and there's something that it already comes as a thought in myself, for myself, that says as long as you feel the need to make the discovery for something, make use of this discovery for something, then it can seem like the journey will perpetuate it. And of course, the discovery from the beginning of being following Mooji, the idea was that searching 'What is the true nature of I?' to dissolve mental health. Yes, yes.

For all of us, for all of us, we want to come to the end of suffering, or everybody has different reasons. But it is mostly for the 'me' that the seeming journey started, you see. For something for me, I wanted something for me. So it all starts like that. But it's like saying, 'I started... when I started, I wanted a glass of water. Now I'm discovering the whole river,' you see. So once you start to discover the whole river, then you will not ask for one glass of water anymore. It naturally happens.

What happened in the thought that comes to me? Because the thoughts come to me, you know, oh I see things...

Can I give you a piece of advice? Don't solve anything. Don't solve anything right now. Just stay with my instruction about not picking up the bags.

Yeah, but let me say, is that if I don't want to realize the Self, whatever, for like curing or save the mental health, for what do I want?

Don't worry. None of us know what we want, actually. Do you have to have a reason? Try living without a reason, not with no reason for anything, for the next one week. Like, 'Why do I want freedom?' I don't know. 'Why do I come and share Satsang?' I don't know. There's no money, there's no appreciation usually—this is what I'm just kidding. Why do I come in here? It's quite handless. So why? Just there's reason enough. Come back. Don't have a reason. Don't be the reason for everything. If you get used to that, you are free. We're so used to the mind's construct that for everything there must be a reason. 'I come to Satsang because, oh, I learn good things,' whatever. 'What's in it for me?' 'What's in it for me?' That's the maha mantra of the ego. But now we learn to live free without having to have a conceptual reason for everything. That is trust. What is the point of devotion if we had to have a reason? If the reason was there, we don't need devotion. If reason was there, we don't need trust. It's just rational. If something is rational, we would want to do it anyway. But trust and devotion comes in independent of if there is a reason.

Let me say one thing again. Next week I have to go to the psychiatry, but I have to tell him that I'm going down with it, with some pills. I know they are going to tell me that I'm not right and they're not doing right. So these are very big, you know... I don't know if you can tell me something about these things or not.

I think I haven't said nothing. I've told you, and whatever advice I have given you is in opposition to any doctor's advice. The mind will make these opposites and say, 'I will only do this, not do that.' So for medical causes, if the car is broken down, you go to the car mechanic. I'm not talking about the level of the car anyway, you see. So what I'm telling you is we're going to work at a deeper level independent of whatever other levels may be there. So go to somebody who's a good car mechanic for the car, go to a good body mechanic for the body, go to a good brain mechanic for the brain. I am not in opposition to any of that. Be free from 'why.' You must all become free from 'why.' Or another way to put it is you can keep the 'why' once you found out the 'who.' If you find out who you are, then pick up the 'why' again. This slight difference between 'why' and 'who.' So before you pick up any 'whys,' once you know who you are... and 'why' it is, it is dependent on time. 'Why' means causation. 'Why' is something in effect something else. Once you find who you are, it is the end of time. So time will become just like Lego toys, just the bricks you play with. But you will not be obsessed with it. Let's go to the dungeon, I want to check on him also. The one who comes to Satsang is very different from the one who's sending WhatsApp messages. Two things are happening there: one true, one false. Okay, I'm happy again.

This is so beautiful. Every opportunity that we get where we are not under the mind's influence, because you know how it is. The mind's influence is there, then everything seems so dark and disturbing. Now you're not in the mind's influence, so use that opportunity to just meet your divinity in your heart. Just hug yourselves so tight. Feel God's love permeating through your being, through this entire universe. That's the best gift you can give to yourself. So when the mind plays its tricks again, deeply embedded in your heart, it may shake us from time to time, it's okay, but less and less. So use the opportunity where the mind is not seeming that strong and powerful. Use it to just shine in your heart as you are. As I can see, this is all that is fun, only play of belief. And that's also... there is no 'why' to that, to anything in fact. Just go to speaker mode and say something and take a screenshot of yourself smiling like that. Take this picture of yourself and put it up on your wall somewhere.

I would rather take your screenshot and put it up on the wall.

Because when the mind plays its tricks, then you just look up on the wall and you see yourself so happy and you see me so happy. At the moment, I am not worried about the mind fix.

Yes, yes, yes. We've been through this loop two times.

That's why in India we put up the Guru's photos on the walls. That is very cool anyway. If it happens, you have to take me out always, always. Okay, let's go to Aniko.

Okay, so sorry for coming up again because I know you already told me everything about everything and I still come back.

And nobody would come up because I have told everyone everything about everything. So you're very welcome to come.

Thank you. I just put up my hand now because when you was talking about this example with the bags, I feel that my bag is beautiful. Yesterday after hearing the example of the bags, did you pick up a bag? Yes, halfway, yes. But actually I don't feel my bags is in the same way. They are not in a thought way. So how can I tell? For example, I wake up every night, middle of the night, with some kind of panicking and this just a kind of energetic things around my heart and it's like so tight, like I was in a prison, in a very small prison and no way out. And is so stressful and there is no thoughts in it. So there is not even the identification of any thoughts really. It just is. And of course there is identification with this emotion, then it's me. But it's not in a way of there is a thought what I believe and after comes some energetic emotion. But it seems like I wake up and suddenly is happening and really tiring. And I know I am maybe a little bit greedy because you say always use the time now because we are here now and I can help you now and not this time. But yeah, something is telling me I always want to be in this hug of God and not just time to time when I meet you. I am so much tired.

And when it is telling you that, are you in the hug of God? Sorry, sorry. I always... for example, you say, 'I want to always be happy.' Mostly we use that to avoid being happy right now. So when it says, 'I always want to be in the hug of God,' it is actually just a mind attack on you without realizing.

Yeah, I see, I see. But in the night when I wake up, there is no thought.

So anything that tells you that you are an object in time, you see, is the mind. Is the mind attack. Now speak without time.

Even if I speak now, but still I will wake up at the night. I know he's not... yeah, I know. But can I stick with a little bit of time now? Because I just want to some one... I wanted some solution when I am not with you, when I am without you. Because I don't want to always waiting for this, 'Oh, when this Friday is coming and I can have a little bit of rest,' because sometimes...

The thing that tells you that you are an object in time, you see, is the mind. Is the mind attack now? Speak without time. Even if I speak now, but still I will wake up at the night. I know he's not—it's not—yeah, I know. But can I stick with a little bit of time now? Because I just want some solution when I am not with you, when I am without you. Because I don't want to always be waiting for this, 'Oh, when this Friday is coming and I can have a little bit of rest.' Because sometimes you ask people, 'Is your problem bigger than your being?' I cannot wear this. I try to answer at the night, overnight. I don't know what is my being, really. I try to find out, okay, but what is my being? What is that? And I cannot even answer this. And there is a lot of other answers. Everybody can say, 'Yes, I am aware.' I don't even know who is 'I am,' who is aware. I don't know anything on entity. And when I am alone, I cannot hurt myself. And the only way... but what is help me then? I don't know anything, but when this energetic thing is coming...

So, firstly, I'm laughing not at you. I'm laughing at your innocence and sweetness. So, it's very endearing. So, I don't feel like I'm laughing at what you're saying; it's just touching my heart. So, some laughter is coming. So now, do you feel—let's ask a very simple question—do you feel like I know what is better for you, or you know what is better for you?

Of course, a million percent you know everything. I don't know anything. I trust.

Very good. So now, if I tell you that the best gift that you can give to yourself in any moment, especially right now, is to fully, fully embrace your reality in this moment. But your mind will tell you, 'But does he know what happens to me when he's not there? Because this happens and then how do I fix it when I'm not in satsang?' You see? So, you're hearing two guidances right now. One seems very absurd because it doesn't seem to help you outside of the satsang environment. The other one is telling you a very seemingly helpful thing which will help you in your life throughout. Now, if you are being rational about it, you will follow the mind's advice and say, 'No, no, but I need a solution for those times.' If you're being irrational and you need devotion, then you will follow my advice to dive in deeply into this. You see? Now, which one are you going to follow?

I love you so much and I don't want to be rational. I follow him.

I have nothing. I will tell all of you as a reassurance, you see, as a reassurance: when I met my master, when I met Guru, he did not tell me anything in time. He did not tell me what to do after I step up in the hot seat. You see? I met him fully and then I did not have any questions about time after that. So, if he had told me, 'My son, when you wake up from sleep, let's do this,' you see, 'and then before you go to sleep, just chant this prayer'—all this he could have. But the gift that he gave me was so much beyond that, and that is the gift that I want to give you.

Thank you. I'm so sorry because I'm so stupid. I don't know why I am. Maybe I'm so greedy and you always give me this gift but...

I am not saying that you're greedy and worthy, any of that. You are very innocent. You're very pristine. You're completely open that I want to share. And the mind is—obviously, you see, the mind tempts all of us. And for many years before I met Guruji, I was tempted also by the mind in this way, saying, 'I need a permanent solution. How can I be happy always or be free always?' You see? 'It's unfair that I can be so free in the presence of the master, but when master is not there, then I'm suffering again.' The mind can say all of these things. But I promise you, the greatest gift you can give to yourself any moment is not any solution, not any answer. It is the gift of God. It is the gift of Self. There is no greater, greater gift.

So, when we come to satsang, I know that the support of the sangha, the energetic support, all of that is available so we can cut through all of those layers of time and space very quickly. In an instant, all of you are out of this universe. You may not realize it, you may not understand it—in fact, you cannot, which is fine, which is very good, because if you understand it, it will become all strange. But in a moment of true looking, when we are like this, you have left this universe behind, really. So, what about the one who wakes up and goes to sleep? It is just like a dream character. What are we talking about? Who is that? You've left the universe without getting into any spaceship or time machine. You have left time and space. That is my gift to you. I am not talking to you as if you are one body object who is going to go to sleep tonight and will wake up and this is their lives to read. All I know is that I'm meeting God. God is meeting God, and God is reminding God of its true nature, away from this delusion of limitation and all of that narrative and story and all of this.

And I trust the word that comes from here.

So, if the sense from here was that there is not enough openness or maturity, and you need this as it is completely naked and completely open right now, then maybe some time-bound advice would come. But I have to trust the heart which speaks from here. Because if my heart says, 'But you can do all of this, leave all of this idea,' you see, I have to trust that. Even if you say, 'No, no, but tell me about what to do when I wake up, I chant this mantra,' you see, another one may come and they may say they have this problem and I may say to them, 'You chant the wrong mantra.' You see? Not that it is lower or higher, but it is just different. You see? Different temperament, different life situation. So, I may say to them, 'And every night before you sleep, and anytime if you wake up in the middle,' I mean, give them advice like this. So, something from here knows your true openness, your true insights, and doesn't want to treat you like an object in time anymore. And all I can do is trust that.

In the morning, then he was sitting with smaller groups. He said to us, 'But then the body was a bit tired, missing, but what am I actually telling you? I am telling you that you are the most magnificent. You are higher than the hundreds.' And what is the reason that you are saying—you are saying, 'No, no, but I am an object, I am this, I am that.' You see? So, what a strange sort of thing. You see, mostly teachers in the world are putting us down and saying, 'You're worthless, you're pointless, you're not understanding.' Here, the teachers are telling you, 'You are the greatest, greater than the greatest,' and you're saying, 'No, no, please don't get me there. I want to be treated for the object.' You see? As a body-mind which was born like this, it goes, it wakes up. You see what a strange relationship it is. No, Guru decides. There you are, God itself. You are aware even of consciousness. You are aware. You say, 'No, no, but what happens in time then?' That bunch of food and, you know, flesh and blood. It's weird.

You are me. You are my reality. I don't want non-existent me with its non-existent problems and solutions. I love you. Thank you so much.

Let me go to September. Can you hear me?

It's a bit mild, but we can manage with this. Can you hear me now? I have nothing prepared again to speak anything. These are like five pages of Hanuman Chalisa. I dreamt about his image when I was—I remember when I was five years old—and now it's just coming up to recite this. And a part of me was—the mind was playing, 'Oh, we are going to satsang and this is looking within and who is I, and now you're doing this, reciting some...' But intuitively I can sense that it's all one and the same.

Yes, yes.

And my heart is—I could say even the word 'art' is not...

Do you want to recite for us a bit? I love actually. For many years I recited it also and I got it around now while it is still there actually.

Oh, beautiful. Can I recite some words, please? The whole thing. Okay, thank you. Not supposed to—not midway once you start. This is the chaupai where it starts. Now in a shock like, 'Oh, this is—I never thought that this guy would be doing.' And these photos are these images of Neem Karoli Baba, you, and all these masters are here. And this has come to my life and it's a joy to do this with Krishna Das singer. So I do this and so here I go.

Thank you so much. So heartfelt, beautiful. May your presence be my life always. And I started this because there was some tamasic energies in my body. So it came to me naturally to—because I am unable to do them, so I ask for help and your help so that they... thank you.

Yeah, I was chanting this because I was very selfish. There's a promise at the end—I don't know if you know this—but it says that whoever chants it a hundred times will be free forever. And for me, that was a very good bargain. So I chanted at least a hundred times, if not a thousand times.

Wow. I'm just sitting one time, but it takes on its own flavor, its own divinity, its own way of how it grows. It's an important aspect of this life. I hardly speak about it, but thank you. Thank you for being involved this morning. I'm so glad that I'm being—I was not thinking to get supported like this, but I say I will. I was not prepared to speak anything. What will I say? But it just came up.

Yes, yes. I think our mind can prepare, but God's grace can just work in its own openness and emptiness. And also at the same time this is going on, else also I'm listening to one of your pointings to—I'm forgetting her name—where you talk about 'Can you stop being?' And even something—something is even aware of the being. So this is going to... they're all coming up together in this way, they're being supported in every way.

Thank you. Thank you. Describing, he says that that which the Guru has, can we also get? So he said, 'That which the Guru has discovered, can we also get?' So I was just reminding him that we already have it. The job is just to point to how to find it, how to look for it. So I gave him the metaphor that suppose there's a room in your house where God lives, but you've forgotten about that. But the room is already in your house; He's already in your heart. The master's job is just to show you where it is. It is not to give you something new, just to remove the ignorance which seems to block our vision. Do it seeing what is already there. That was the first one.

For the second one: 'If I ask for help or I ask for grace, will that be given to me?' And I said it's already—before you can ask, it's already yours. And if you ask with openness, with purity of heart, with not selfishness and egotism, then it must be given. It already is yours. Very innocent exchange, and I enjoyed that. What more can we say? Okay, let's see. Let's go to Sneza.

Hello. I just wanted to come in front of you. Last week I had some problems with my leg. I now... yes, yes. Different place. How's everything?

I wouldn't know if somebody was to ask me how was everything. It's all good. Like now, it is all I could ever ask for. But in fact, no bad, because all the stories are just stories. And since I came in front of you, it was a kind—it's kind of melting of this glue with mind stuff. It didn't last for all the time, but now it's okay. I'm here.

So happy, so happy to hear this report. Just this much. Mind is just full of stories and narratives. Without it, I'm just here. So good. I hope that this glue will stay with you. Yeah, I'm happy. I'm the glue collector. I'm happy to see it. Thank you. Stay with me, please. Let's go to Srikant, who's sitting in the dark, but we shall enlighten. One moment. See, already done, finished. When I meet you like this, I mean, nothing comes up actually. Before that, what was that? I mean, different thing.

I'm so happy to hear this report. Just this much: mind is just full of stories and narratives; without it, I'm just here. So good. I hope that this glue will stay with you. Yeah, I'm happy. I'm the glue collector. I'm happy to see it. Thank you. Stay with me, please. Let's go to Srikant, who's sitting in the dark, but we shall enlighten. One moment. See, already done, finished.

When I meet you like this, I mean, nothing comes up actually. Before that, what was that? I mean, different things are coming up. Okay, you talked about this thing where you talked most of the time—this thought that I will end up marrying someone I don't like. I mean, this thing, it really gets me, Father. I mean, there is a seeing happens and then I will ask, 'To whom are you speaking?' I mean, I ask like to my mind that, 'To whom are you speaking?' or 'Who is this?' Then immediately it jumps into a satsang, and then a whole satsang happens within me. Heavenly, as a thought it comes up. I mean, it brings up some sweet emotions and then I realized that, okay, it's another trick of my mind. It goes back to something else in the world, the world play and the play of perceptions is these kind of situations coming, arrangements and things. So is it just a fear from nowhere? So, I mean, someone tried for this match actually. It sounded like an advanced thing and I rejected it, but they are still trying anyway.

But you met the girl and you didn't like her?

Yeah, I mean, only talking to her. It's just very, very private. Don't...

Yeah, it's okay. I mean, she's like my cousin. I've been talking to her for some time. Yes, you don't have to rush into any of that. Don't get pressured into anything. Just from your heart, just—it will allow you to see it clearly and trust your heart. You will be fine.

Yeah, Father. I always try to remember this one thing from Bhagavan, that what is destined to happen will happen and what is not destined will not happen. But maybe it's time for me to concentrate. I mean, at the end he says that you have to keep quiet. And now I want to just on that part of keeping quiet.

Sorry, you have to keep quiet if that is your destiny. I don't know if it is so. Fully surrender. If you... I'm not a great fan of the word destiny, actually, because it sort of puts consciousness in the temporal box and sort of makes it sound as if consciousness is stuck now in some script which itself will... but it's a simple way of just explaining to everyone. And Bhagavan's intention, of course, was to just in a simple way explain that the will of God is not understandable to our human intellect and to allow it to play out the way it has to. But in our human mind, we understand it has some sort of predetermination or predestination, which then puts all of this in some time construct, as if God is not alive at this moment right now and is not playing with every aspect of space and every aspect of time possible.

So God is all there is, not just in terms of spatial construct, but God is also all there is as far as the temporal construct is concerned. Now the mind will struggle with this because it cannot fathom this kind of thing. But just to go back to Bhagavan's intention of sharing like this, it was just to take our sort of individual notion of doership and individual idea of free will out of the equation and to meet ourselves in a broader way through surrender. To surrender, then you see that I am not this limited object, but this world play is being driven by a great intelligence called consciousness, called intuitive intelligence. So that is running this life, and the play of this body-mind is nothing separate from that. So the idea of individual volition and agency is taken out of us with this kind of point. But it should not become any sort of like idea, like a very hard-coded idea of, 'Okay, this is defined like this and God has defined it, now God also cannot change it.'

But I thought that either way it's not in my hand, so just let it be. I used to take myself to be the doer and now I see that I'm not the doer now. But have what we have taken ourselves to be changed, or is that still the same?

Sorry, I didn't get this part.

So I have taken myself to be the body-mind. Now, I used to think that I as a body-mind, I'm a doer. Now I see all is in God's hand. I am still poor old body-mind who is not the doer now. And that's okay.

That one is not there, no?

Father, yes, for long. So the one that is not the doer is which one? The one who was the doer was which one? When I first came to know that, and now that you are for false for a long time, this game happened within me that every time some actions happens and then my—as I watch it—then my mind says, 'See, you are not the one doing, you are not the one doing it.' And then somehow after listening to yours and Mooji Baba's pointing, so I understood that now it's becoming the non-dual and then when it's just happening...

Yes, and that is good provisionally in the sense that I used to take myself to be the body-mind with the additional feature of doership, agency, volition. But now I take myself to be the body-mind, but I'm not the doer. It's God's grace which is doing everything, not Srikant which is doing everything, you see? But now I'm inviting you to go deeper and to see that you that is either doer or not doer, which is that you? I am not both temptation or the non-doer. And who are you?

I feel some kind of presence or some kind of feeling.

I see that the 'I' would see that is which one? Because with inner eyes we can make a report like this, such a beautiful report. I see even the presence. But the 'I' which sees the presence, what can we see about that?

I can't say anything about that.

Why can't you say? Don't say you said not to ask questions. So you are able to confirm that it is you that is aware of the presence, is it so? On what basis are you concluding that it is you?

I'm sorry, but I'm not even concluding that I am that.

And could it be somebody else who's over there?

No, there is nothing beyond that.

Okay. So the basis for this insight, is it based on perception? Is it based on just conceptualizing? What is the basis?

The perception of presence.

And who is aware of the perception? Is that—can that also be perceived?

That is not a perception.

That is not a perception, and yet we call it 'I'. I am aware of the perception. So on what—if it is not perceptual, then in which way can we conclude that it is I? It is undeniable also because it's absurd to say that I am not aware of my perception, my neighbor is, or something like that. So it is clear, obviously I am aware of this hand that is being perceived in front of me. So this 'I' which is aware of this perception itself cannot be perceived, isn't it so? Cannot be understood by the mode of perception. The knowledge of the Self cannot be had through the mode of perception.

Secondly, what is the other way in which you know something? You could think and think and think and solve it and say, 'Ah, okay, it must be I because it is not in—it's not so, it must be so.' But is that the way we are coming to see that it is aware? No, it is not an inferential process. It is not an intellectual process, you see. So neither through perception nor through mental process nor through intellect, we just know this. We just know this. And this 'just know this' is the highest knowledge. It is self-knowledge. But because it is so natural to us, we have neglected it. We feel like this can't be it, it can't be it. But yeah, this can't be it. This so everybody knows. Who doesn't know this? How can this be Atma? But actually, it is this.

So what's happened in the human condition is that we've learned to value perceptual knowledge and conceptual knowledge more, and this innocent insight seems to have been forgotten. Now in satsang, we are just reminding ourselves of this. And as we are letting go of conceptual knowledge, our reliance or our dependence on conceptual knowledge, you are meeting your intuitive insight in this way, which not only guides you to your self-discovery but is also every guidance that we could possibly need is also available there. That is why when I speak of the heart, this is what I'm talking about: the intuitive center in a way which seems to pulsate as the core of our beingness itself. It doesn't have to be the same experience for every aspect of consciousness. Some may experience it, but its way which is intuitive has to be the same. And is that what I am saying?

That which is aware of even the sense 'I am', you see, is this Self. Now the sense 'I am', for some can be experienced universally and just appear universal, but for some it seems to be centered with the proximity to the physical heart—not a location, you see, it can feel like there's a sense, there's a core of this sense of being. So when you say, 'Can we stop being? Can I stop being?' some may feel a pulsating core at the center of this beingness. Some may say, 'What core? It is everywhere.' And either is fine, you see. But that intelligence which is supposed—which can see this inwardly—is the intuitive insight. It's its own intelligence, its primal intelligence of the being itself is the intuitive. Let's look at it instead of speculating about it. In which aspect of your being are you aware of your presence? In which aspect of your being? Is it the mind aspect? Is it the perception aspect? Is it based on attention? Which aspect of your being are you aware of your presence?

I mean, it was like a presence which is palpable, I mean...

Yes. Now that you are aware of it, where is that known? That it is palpable for 'I'—this 'I', where is that?

It's like it is—you cannot find a location to it.

You cannot find a location to it. You cannot find any attribute to it, and yet it is not dumb. It is like an intelligence of a unique kind which we are not used to. You're fully aware of presence, you are fully aware of perception, and yet it is independent of the normal modes of knowledge, which is perception and thought. And this we cannot find a location, so then we use the term like 'the heart' because it is beyond these worldly boundaries and it seems to pulsate at the core of this beingness. So the river of this intuitive intelligence also seems to flow from there. But that experience doesn't have to be common to everyone, but the nature of the intelligence is common to everyone.

Okay, complicated. I'm just saying something simply, which is when we don't rely on traditional means in the human condition, which is the mind and which is perception, then we come face to face with a new, fresh type of knowledge, you see, which is not boxable in these traditional constructs. And that is why the words in satsang may sound strange, because it is trying to use old tools to bring about a knowledge which is beyond what these tools can do. And that's why masters always say that we can only point to it in words, you see. We cannot really say it in words; we can only try and point to it. Because what is in my heart, what is seen clearly in my heart, is inexpressible in words. And yet Guruji has given some life energy here to be able to try and point to that, point in that direction and say, like I was telling the brother earlier, that there's this aspect about yourself which you have forgotten. Like Kabir Ji said, that within your pocket the diamond is already there, you've not opened it. Can we express the diamond in words? It's very shiny, it's very sharp, but how to express it in your presence? And it just happens without much effort. But that's why don't worry. Usually, that's why I don't waste the opportunity, because it is the supportive presence of the sangha is there. I don't want to waste the time and the opportunity. I want to take you straight to that instead of speculating about things in time and things in space, which I know that the mind runs very irritating for many of them. Father doesn't get... yeah, it was never that way for them. But there is just nicer that they answer the question. I am answering what the question...

But that's why, don't worry. Usually, that's why I don't waste the opportunity, because it is the supportive presence of the satsang there. I don't want to waste the time and the opportunity. I want to take you straight to that instead of speculating about things in time and things in space, which I know that the mind runs. Very irritating for many of them. Father doesn't get... yeah, it was never that way for them. But it is just nicer that they answer the question. I am answering the question that you should have.

It's not the question. And then when I try to see this awareness, or in the rest of the time when I'm not in satsang, there is this strong vibration here. Like, it's there. It's been there since like three or four years.

Is it maybe... do you feel like it's a constrictive vibration or a supportive vibration in the quality of vibration? But one way in which you can really ask is to see whether awareness is affected by the vibration. Whatever the quality of the vibration the mind may be interpreting, now there is just me and there is this vibration. The 'me' is which one? As a background which is seeing this vibration. And that background, is it affected by the vibration? No. It's in that background vibration is there? Yes. And it remains unconcerned? No. So then it is a... if it was a problem, it would be a problem for whom? It was never the problem.

But some of... since the past two weeks, like, I can also see something is like pulling my focus here, here. And then I just want... I just don't want to rely on my mind. My mind tries to interpret. See, I mean, no, it's opening, it's happening. And then it's just my mind.

Okay, whatever has to happen, actually, if attention has to go through these things, it can go. It's fine. It's all in support of your awakening. Nothing is opposed. Let's go to Alvin. Alvin, also Ivan. Hello.

Hello, Father. Okay, hello, hello. I want to meet you fresh today and I want to share with you what happened since last week. I have watched some of your YouTube again and I have seen that there was a lot of person in this conversation and something is calming down. So my mind is there, but I handled it like you say with the bag. It comes and it goes. And I want only to say to you that your words are so powerful. Your words and the words from Guruji, and I appreciate it so much. Thank you.

Very good. Already in one week you seem a lot lighter. It seemed like you left most of your bags anyway.

Yes, I like your help with your voice. Thank you so much. And also I want to tell you, so I have a look, but my English is not so good that I can make such things as a transcription because I understand very much, near to 100%, what you say. But when I want to talk to you, sometimes I run out of words because I don't have the words.

So it's fine. It's always fine. It's completely... anyway, transcriptions, are we getting money? Hardly. And nobody is doing... no, they realize that actually one big softie is not going to do anything. And should I be saying all this? No. But you know what's happening? I noticed that the YouTube closed captions, auto-generated, are quite accurate now. So you could actually just, if you wanted to cheat on your homework, you could just open the transcript file. There's a way to download the YouTube transcript file and take out the thing and just send it. Now that I've ruined it.

You know what happened sometimes is that like earlier when I started sharing, I would just go into a lot of detail about the mechanics of belief and inquiry and how we should inquire and things like this. And I noticed that while I was guiding in the inquiry, of course I was inquiring myself and it was fresh, but many times I would feel like the ones that I was guiding were not doing it. So satsang became an inquiry session for Ananta itself and everybody else who's coming was just like, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.' So I felt like it would be a useful exercise because right now you're... you know, there's so many people watching and you might be a bit self-conscious, you may not hear every word. And I get this report many times that 'I listen to the recording that we had and I didn't realize that you had told me this or you had also told me that.' So I felt like it's a good exercise, you know, just to go and revisit the conversation and immerse ourselves a bit deeper into that. That was the feeling behind the transcript. Not that we are short of people who do wrong transcripts or something; it is more like a seva for yourself to immerse into the... but I realized that language difficulties, so don't have to worry. We are not being very strong about it.

So I said one time that I'm tired of being this satsang jukebox. You all just put the question and then you stop listening and I'm sitting here inquiring myself and you know, you already moved on to the next question. I was ranting one day. So then I said for one week now I will ask the question, then you all will have to answer. When there were more... I hear much before, like six years ago or something. So for one week I just asked questions like that and everybody then had to answer. We can do that maybe one week here.

It will... for me it was so when I watched this part when I talked to you, then it feels like it was a complete stranger who's talking to you and I can observe it better than when I talk to you and something gets clear. Okay, my mind is coming from time to time but I don't get to buy into it.

So really many times it could happen that the one that was there at the start of the conversation is no longer there at the end of it. So when you revisit it you say, 'Who is this guy?' Thank you, thank you. Okay, let's go to my designer. Thank you.

Anantaji, I put my hand up because I have this longing, which I understand is for the Satguru inside.

So already you said inside. So where will you find the Satguru? Inside. Okay, before we go to the 'but', who is the inside? Right? Who is the inside whose presence is there inside? See, the mind has one main mission, that is to convince you that your presence is a limited presence. It is not God's presence or the Satguru, but your presence. Let's put... the mind is trying to define something and put all definitions. Definitions by definition are limitations, and the Self is not limited. So if you buy into a definition, you buy into a limitation about the Self. How's that for a difference? With your inner eyes, are you finding the divinity within?

I am, yes. I do sense there is this permanent battle between what do you think like mind is coming in...

Okay, wait, wait. Now keep your inner vision on the Satguru presence. Keep your inner vision on the Satguru presence and speak from that. Nothing to do with your attention. Attention didn't give whatever... I'm just talking about intuitively remain aware of the divinity within you and speak from there.

Okay, I was going to say, can you help me to dissolve this fear to speak from there?

Yes, by inviting you. It is an invitation to dissolve because it can feel a bit ugly, it can feel a bit scary. Because we are letting go of all the constructs used in the past to define ourselves through, including a thought that there is this arrogance to... don't determine the nature of anything at the moment. Don't try to understand anything also. Just follow very simply like an innocent child. Now you're aware of a presence within yourself. Now this presence itself, this is the Satguru presence that you are longing for. Now there's an aspect of yourself, your intuitive intelligence, which is aware of this. Now don't rely on any other knowledge for the moment. Just remain with this. Nothing can hurt you. You will not lose anything of value. You will only lose your false narratives and ideas.

So don't go in there with the thermometer. Don't go in there with a thermometer, you know what I mean? With the measuring tape. Don't go in there with the measuring, like, 'How am I feeling now? Is it working for me? Is it not good?' Just try to keep that aside as much as possible. I know that it's a habit, so it may be like it's a bit too much to let go, but I'm just inviting you gently to notice that and in the noticing it will dissolve. Otherwise you can just feel like, 'Yes, the presence is there. Can I stay like this? How much is it? Is it increasing? Is it reducing? Am I being true? Is it just my mind?' All of this stuff, the doubts, the confirmations, everything, just keep it aside as much as possible. Including the fear that 'I'll lose my next question.' Yeah, definitely.

You said you're longing deeply in your heart for Satguru presence. How can there be a next question after that? Clean your heart for something else also once I get something. This is my one opportunity. Ask him, ask him! Ah, I need to drop this belief that you can reach Satguru presence only at Guru's feet. Nice one. A man said to Papaji that 'When I'm at your feet everything is fine, but when I go into the marketplace of the world then I'm full of suffering.' So Papaji said, 'Why do you leave my feet? But when I go outside, why do you leave my feet?'

Bowing down is a metaphor for letting go of our righteousness, our knowledge. In India, of course, it's a very natural thing. In the West it seems very convoluted. In India it's so, so natural and common. But it's metaphorical, it's representative. So the bowing down is letting go of our ideas and our notions of what is true. And the Master's feet is what you naturally come to as the divinity in your own heart. Let go of your mind. So Satguru presence is becoming apparent or not?

It is apparent. The permanent fight is gone, I think. Mind will come, but...

You think? It's not a crime you committed or something. You're just laughing, don't worry. I'm just wondering why it's so hard to... what did I say about the 'why' question? To let them on that trolley bag. So whatever, don't pick it up. Don't think you want to pick up a 'why' question. Pick up the 'who' questions. Otherwise, if you have to answer 'why' questions... I've been saying answer why you are. Why are you to be one with you? Then that's the answer to always... sorry, has the answer to all 'whys' then. Can there be a 'why' after that? No. Very good. If the bags go, they will come. Thank you. Let's go to Edgar.

Um, I just wanted... I just raised my hand like an hour ago but it's... yeah, okay, it's okay.

What time is it there now?

Oh, right here it's 9:00 AM, but I just... I just slept very late. So yes, I've been listening to all the satsang basically in my bed. I didn't expect to be called out, so that's why I had a slow reaction time. Um, you know, as I'm looking for something to report now, I don't find anything specific. Even some apparent insights, I do not want to give them any importance. Life situations as well, just basically everything. Because like the point that is your soul service is really nice and it does apply here. Very thankful.

Yes, always, always be very happy. Every time I see you, get some sleep.

Yeah, no, no, no. I actually feel embarrassed for this. Yes, yes, yes, because I didn't expect to be called out.

Yeah, it's okay.

Yes. I want to come more often to satsang, but it's just the same hour every Friday and it usually... like, I have either university or it is very early. So here, yes, right here is very early. So I'm trying to come as much as possible. Not as much as possible, as much as I could, because I sometimes have fast habits and yeah, you know, but that's okay.

Yeah, you're doing very well. I have the sense in my heart that they don't believe it, so don't worry about any of this. It's all good. Thank you. Okay, let's go to... oh my dear. Just feel at home. Don't worry about anything. Okay, let's pause for a moment. As we go along, I am...

I'm trying to come as much as possible—not as much as possible, as much as I could—because I sometimes have fast habits and, yeah, you know.

But that's okay. Yeah, you're doing very well. I have the sense in my heart that they don't believe it, so don't worry about any of this. It's all good. Yeah, thank you. Okay, let's go to... okay. Oh, my dear, just feel at home. Don't worry about anything.

Okay, let's pause for a moment. As we go along, I may speak in Hindi to him, so just... you can't wait for everyone else in English. So, can you repeat? Just go from the beginning for them in English. Effortlessly. Good. And then the mind comes back in a very noisy way, and then he feels very... it's a lot of oscillation and he doesn't really like that state. Well, so it's very natural to feel like that, that my inquiry is well and my meditation is good. And it's very normal and natural for the mind to come, to feel that the mind has come back, and there's nothing to feel stressed out about if it does come back.

Attack. Sometimes it feels like the mind is waiting for your meditation to be over so it can come back and attack you. So essentially, the influence of the mind, you feel fully identified with it at that moment. You can't do anything. But when at other times when you're in the inquiry and they're really quiet, at those moments ask yourself—and those moments are kind—so first it will feed you the starter by saying, 'Um, I got caught.' And then if you say 'Oh,' he'll feed you the main question: 'Why did I get trapped again?' And then it will feed you the dessert, which will be, 'Oh, I'm hopeless and I can never get it.' So every chance... so if you got trapped, you leave it. But in the good, then don't give so much attention to your mind anymore. So, and they've heard this before.

So he says he can't stay with one inquiry. He starts one and then he just shifts to another inquiry and then starts doing another one. What kind of inquiry are you doing?

So he says that when he begins the inquiry and he asks 'Who am I?' and he begins and he says 'It's me,' and then he says ask 'Who's this me?' and he's quiet and it's fine. And then the mind comes in and gives a suggestion of a desire. Then he again begins by saying, 'Okay, whose desire is that?'

This is a suggestion that when your thoughts arise, ask yourself: Who witnesses these thoughts? Try now. One hand, ask yourself who is that who is witnessing those thoughts. In your... from your mind, you don't have an answer. Well, intuition. So your mind doesn't have an answer, but is it possible that intuitively or in your heart that you don't know who it is that witness those thoughts?

So it's very good when your mind doesn't have an answer because it's okay when your mind doesn't have an answer. Because then you can see intuitively that it is you who is witnessing these thoughts. But this 'you' which does witness them is itself not perceivable in any way. And it becomes very clear to you that it's not perceivable, but yet it is you. So yes.

Again, so what I'm telling him is that when it is apparent that I am witnessing this hand, I am aware of the perception of this hand. It doesn't have to be a mental construct. Independent of the mental construct, we are just aware that it is I. And this awareness that it is I is an intuitive sense and never a mental construct. So you can know yourself through intuition, and this self which you know intuitively doesn't have a boundary.

To leave your mind is the purpose of inquiry because when you can leave the mind, then you will sense the truth of what you are is actually apparent to you. Any time we're not referring to ourselves in the mind, then our truth is... so we can look at the purpose of the inquiry itself as the letting go of the mind, because in the letting go of the mind, what we are is apparent. And the mind can never answer a question like this, so it gives up here. Yes, thank you. Oh my god.

I was going to ask for forgiveness because I feel like I'm done, but I want to hear what she wants to say. Hello, Father. Hello. Thank you very much. It's been a hard time since last Mooji's retreat. I've been like in a dark hole, but I know that that's normal and I can see how I believe my mind and all these lies, and I can see how I cooperate with this in a bad way. And so that was normal. I know that that was normal. But a few days ago, my daughter... she's very sick now and I can't... I just can't stop thinking if she's going to die or... and this is so real now. And all the medical advice, all the medical health that is needed, she is receiving that.

Yes, yes.

She was hospitalized for a few days and now she's at home, but now we have to make a lot of... I don't know how to say that... lab tests, lab tests. And we are living out like, you know, certainty, uncertainty. And I'm just trying to see where is the blessing of all of this.

First, let's all just for a moment send the little child all our love. All her affections should be healthy and happy very, very soon. She's a bit better? That's why she were able to bring her home, or...?

No, she's... I mean, she has a very complex condition and she can have... we don't know, but maybe she can have a normal life. She's at school, but I don't know how to explain this in English, but she has a condition in her blood. But we don't know, we don't know what is happening. And she had this complex thing when she was five years old and now it's again. And I feel very scared and I'm trying to see who is scared and why. And I feel like this mother person—I don't know how to say—like me being me as a mother is so strong. And my mind is like very identified. I am very identified with this thing that I am a mother and I have to take care of her and that my life will be unbearable if she dies or if she is sick all the time. And I just want to put these at your feet because all this black hole was a joke when this happened with my daughter.

So I want to say first that this maternal instinct is very primal. Very primal, and not just in the human condition, in the world even. I was saying in some other context the other day that even a goat may fight with an elephant to save their child. So it's very natural for in the play of this world for this mother instinct, maternal instinct, to be so strong and protective. So don't make your spirituality or your self-inquiry in opposition to that. The role of the mother, the role of a parent, can be played within consciousness. In the intelligence of consciousness, there is full space for that. So don't feel like you have to work so hard and get rid of another identity or something. Don't worry about that, especially in this time when it's all a bit raw and very fresh. Just allow it. Accept it for some time; it's fine. Don't worry. Just don't identify with any other identity for the time being. Keep the mother, and then we'll see after some time. We'll see whether something has to be done about that, okay?

Otherwise, the mind will use this as an opportunity to get the very primal instinct to come in opposition to your satsang, and then it will create reasons why for this conflict and discussion. If my children are unwell, I may cancel satsang and spend some time with them. It's fine, don't worry about it so much. So I am giving you license for a few months: keep the mother identity. Don't worry about losing it or leaving it. Don't worry. Take care of the baby and allow consciousness to play the mother role. It's completely fine. And allow yourself to lose all other identity in the meanwhile. That much is more than enough. God is not oppressive; it's not judgment. It's very natural for a mother to feel this way when a child is going through such medical emergencies.

So all of us in full support of that, and whatever you need as a mother, please let us know also. And if there's something we can do, we're happy to do it. Just want to talk to some brothers and sisters who will not come into any sort of opposition to this mother role which has to play out. I'm happy to connect you with some members also if you need that. Of course, Allah is already with you, which is a great blessing. But if you need to talk to someone ever, just get this off your chest. I know it can be quite scary this time. We'll be all there for you, so don't worry about this. Don't use spirituality to attack yourselves. Just let yourself be. Whichever, whatever is happening is fine. You have full license from me for a few months.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Give yourself all the space that you need. Just allow it to unfold as much as possible. And if you feel so strongly identified as a mother, it is fine. I know all this will become lighter and lighter and easier.

Thank you. Thank you very much. I love you so much. Thank you, Father. Thank you so much.

We love you so, so much. I don't know what to say after this so touching and true conversation with Laura. Yeah, after that conversation, what I wanted to share, it feels it has no importance at all, thanks to you actually. And yeah, but what can be just so relevant is that just because I heard you say today when you talk about satsang, it just became so naturally. And sometimes I don't get even appreciation and I just feel like maybe I don't really offer my gratitude or we don't thank you enough. But really, I just wanted to say that even though we don't maybe put it verbally in our hearts, just every time, just during the whole day, just overflowing gratitude in our hearts. And I'm sure and I know that it's the same for all sangha members; just there is no doubt about this. And just thank you for everything that you have given to us, and not even about giving, you know, just thank you for your being. Just your being with us, just everything. And yeah, just this gratitude.

Thank you. I appreciate that, but I just want to say that I was just exaggerating to make the point of the thing. But thank you, thank you. And yeah, I feel you all like open my heart. I never actually feel unappreciated, but I was just exaggerating. Sometimes you have to use the metaphor to make a point. But thank you, thank you for your expression. Thank you. Sanji can come.

Hello. Thank you, Father. Thank you. I was also... I'm not sure why I came up today. I was also putting the hand up and down. I'm feeling a bit nervous now. Yes.

Are you back at the university or what's happening?

Yes, and it's going very well. Thank you for what you said last time, and it was very helpful. Yes, I don't know. I wanted to come just fresh. Maybe one question that came up when you were speaking with someone today: you said if you ask with purity... I don't remember the rest or before, but I was wondering if you could speak maybe a bit about that and what it is meant when you say purity.

Yes, thank you for giving me the opportunity to clarify, because these kind of words can actually become oppressive at some point. We can use them to sort of make ourselves feel unworthy. So thank you, good. I'm glad you asked me that. What I really meant was that consciousness invoking any aspect of itself as consciousness, it is bound to show itself. It is bound to show itself. What I meant by purity was unadulterated by egotism or selfishness. Even when we ask selfishly many times, God does listen and it does happen, but it's not guaranteed because, like he says, God is not that unkind that he makes every...

At some point we can use them to sort of make ourselves feel unworthy, so thank you. I'm glad you asked me that. What I really meant was that consciousness invoking any aspect of itself as consciousness, it is bound to, it is bound to show itself. It is bound to show itself. What I meant by purity was unadulterated by egotism or selfishness. Even when we ask selfishly many times, God does listen and it does happen, but it's not guaranteed because, like he says, God is not that unkind that he makes everything that we want come true. So, what I meant by purity is that with just openness, emptiness in our heart, if we invoke an aspect of consciousness, there is no question it will, it will show. So, a true longing for only truth, the true longing for God, the true longing for pure being, not some sort of moralistic purity also. That makes sense? Thank you. Thank you for asking that because I got this chance to clarify. Thank you, thank you.

A couple of more prayer requests. Beloved Father, my mother fell down and fractured her foot. Please bless her, her healing and her spirit.

Thank you all so much for being in satsang today.