The Best Use of Your Time Is to Be in God’s Presence in Your Heart Temple - 18th December 2024

So those who have an awakening experience will say there was no 'me' left in that moment. At least there was no 'me'. In a Zen satori, you may say, 'I didn't know anything about past, future, present; all concepts dissolved.' A bhakta may say that only Krishna was there, only Ram was there, I couldn't find anything, I'm lost, I'm fully lost in His love. So to be rid of ourselves in this way is what spirituality is about. To be empty of pride, to be empty of ego is what spirituality is about, you see. So that quiet, that empty, that holiness is what I've been calling the heart temple. It basically signifies the place in which—it's not a special place, but it's a special place where God lives. And of course, God lives everywhere, and yet there is a holy temple within yourself where He can really be found in a beautiful way. Kabir Ji said, 'Ghat mein,' that within all of us—he was being colloquial when he said 'ghat' meaning body, but not really the body, but within all of us is Ram. St. Elizabeth of the Trinity said that our home, our body, our life is the home of God. How can it be God's home? So are we going to take those statements metaphorically or are we going to take them literally? Could it be that God is really within yourself?

Definitely in that open and empty meditative state more than I've ever been, right? And do you need to be like—I just can sit in that space and I've experienced it quite a lot where actually time is, you know, it's all kind of—I'm in a bit of a strange zone where I'm not thinking anything, feeling anything.

So when you are there, whatever the practice may be, it seems to pull us in. And when you're there, then do you want to leave? No, you don't want to leave. If somebody disturbs you at that time or you get a phone call, you don't want to hear it. It could be a very close one that you're very fond of, but when you are there, nothing—

Even my children, children also go. But do you need to have a sense of seeking for beyond that?

So just bear with me for a moment. So when you are there, what if it's just a dark empty place? Open and empty like an empty room, go and sit over there. Then why would you want to stay there? Even if your children are asking for you, you say, 'No, no, leave mommy alone for a few more minutes,' you see. What is it that makes you want to stay?

Yeah, it's almost like I do the yoga part, the asana part, and then when the meditation happens, especially if I get disturbed, then in fact I've explained to my children saying that's like the dessert for me. Like after I go through the whole thing, that's the part I don't want to miss.

Right, that's it. So you've been doing all the cooking, but this is the time when you're actually eating, enjoying the cooking, the fruits of the cooking. The cooking is the sadhana, the cooking is the practice, and that holy time, which I want you to share more about, is the actual eating of the sadhana, the actual enjoying of the fruits of the sadhana that you've done, you see. But what is it? What is that?

That's what I'm—to me it's just peace, it's silence, it's contentment, it's there.

So how does all that come in that dark empty place? If I shut the lights of one room and you say go sit over there, then automatically all these things will come from a limbo or a nothing? Contentment, love, peace can't come.

But between just no thought and that space, that does bring a sense of peace, exactly to the point of interacting with something or feeling something. Without that, I haven't been able to.

So stay with me again for a moment here, because what is your sense of what could be there that is giving this contentment, that is giving this peace? So sometimes what will happen is that you get in that empty, you even get an intuitive sense about things, you see. You even get some guidance which you would not get otherwise, you see. You feel guided. So if it was a sheer emptiness, then how could that intuitive guidance come? So somewhere there I'm detecting like a feeling to just glide over the elephant in the room and not admit what is very, very obvious. What must be there? Or is it an expectation of a certain feeling? Because the guidance is there, the intuition is there, the peace is there, the contentment is there. Is it that I'm expecting if it's an interaction with God, then I imagine it would be something more? So how come that guidance, contentment, love, peace, all of this good stuff is not enough for us to conclude that that must come from God?

And maybe if you get like communication also, for example, you feel like you're communicating with God, maybe the mind will question that also tomorrow and say, 'How do I really know it was God? Can Jesus then reveal himself to me as Jesus and then I will say, or can Ram, Krishna, then can Allah reveal himself in some way so I can really say that it was him?' Then if He reveals himself or She reveals herself, the Divine Mother reveals herself, then you may say, 'Oh, but was that my mind fooling me?' So at what point, what is the end of the ability to doubt whether it was really God, you see? So is there a better explanation for how come there can be guidance, love, peace, contentment, joy, all of this? Or maybe even if there's nothing felt, there is something that doesn't make us want to leave, that we're willing to put off everything in the world to just be there that additional few minutes. What is that? Like what could be options?

If it is a biochemical reaction, that is one option. You moved your body a certain way, it activates part of your brain, something, something. But then how will guidance come? Then there's like an energy frequency kind of thing. Yes, so then okay, with the energy frequency maybe there is peace, maybe all of that, but then how come we get to know things about someone we love maybe continents away? And if there is a frequency like that, what is that frequency called? Is it—so that which is beyond the natural phenomena, that which is highly intelligent, that which is the source of all love, the source of all intelligence, that which is not in its finality perceivable—He's beyond perception—that which shows us various aspects of himself so that we can form deeper relationships with Him, that is the one that we call God. Because no perception has a finality either, isn't it? Because you could say, 'Oh, I'm just hallucinating.' So what does God need to do to prove himself to you?

I think it's not doubt, but it's an expectation of—if it's—I guess that comes back to doubt. If it's that, you would imagine it would be an experience that—

Oh, okay. Let's say it. What would need to happen for you to say, 'Yes, that is God's presence'?

Maybe like a gush. This is like a very peaceful thing, but maybe like a gush of love or an overwhelming sense rather than just a very peaceful content, like a this versus that.

And if God is also waiting, that we're saying that one day this child has faith in me, then I will give her the gush of love and peace and contentment. How much faith is really needed on this path? Really, if we just focus on the question: how come when I'm there, even if there is no experience, even if there's just a stillness, how is it that I don't want to leave? And how come next time when I'm about to start my sadhana, my practice, something resists that and says, 'No, no, no, don't get into it'? Something pulls us away also by saying, 'No, no, but you have some important things to do today, you have this today, you have that,' you see. So we call that Maya, the force that tries to pull us away. And that which pulls us in is the love of the Atma itself, because it has to be a great love for which even to your children you—

How is it that I don't want to leave, and how come next time when I'm about to start my sadhana, my practice, something resists that and says, 'No, no, no, don't get into it'? Something pulls us away also by saying, 'No, no, but you have some important things to do today. You have this today, you have that,' you see. So, we call that Maya—the force that tries to pull us away. And that which pulls us in is the love of the Atma itself, because it has to be a great love for which even to your children you can say, 'No, no, not now, Mama is busy,' isn't it?

In fact, today at the end of my meditation or somewhere, and it comes in like time—it's not a full experience, it's like a split second or I don't know, no comprehension of time—but like today, for example, I was thinking about, oh, you know, some hard things and this and that. And then the thought that came to me was: 'This is happening to Ashika, not me. I'm just watching.' And when I was journaling, I made sure I captured that because that was the strangest thought, and I didn't understand what that meant till I wrote it down. And I was like, 'Oh, that's it.' It almost feels like every good or bad is one removed from me. I don't know what 'me' is, but that's exactly what...

That's exactly what yoga is. Like he said, once the mind is still, then you see that you are the witness of all of this, and you yourself are not the person that you identified with or we take ourselves to be. So, how is it that this guidance came? Can intelligence come from a non-intelligent place, from an unintelligent source? If such high guidance can come which can point your true nature to you—the ultimate nature of your reality which all the sages across religions and cultures and traditions agree about—if that higher guidance comes to you, can it be from an unintelligent source?

So, there's a great, great mystery. There's great magic when we come to that quiet place, to that stillness. So, how to know whether it is God or not? Stay there more. Whatever you're doing to stay there more, do that more. Because from the closeness to His temple, you will smell the incense more and more, and that will draw you in more and more. And everything that your heart is asking for, He will give to you. But He knows how much to give without making you arrogant, complacent, or prideful. Because you could just close your eyes and every time Ram is just waiting for me, you see? Then in a day, I'll be so proud. I'll just be like, 'All of you are fools. I'm the only one because you don't see Ram the minute you close your eyes, and I see Him,' you see?

So, how to avoid that? He knows what is the right amount of experience to give us so that we remain humble, we remain in the mode of saying that all that is good happens because of Him. Like, what did I do in all of this? I can't create one milligram of love without His grace. Do you want the fan on or something? Maybe we open it a bit. Let's see how much noise comes in. If you open it, we can put the fan.

So, how to clarify our doubts? How to deepen in faith? By remaining closer and closer to Him. When are we close to Him? When we are empty of ourselves, empty of the 'me.' For all of us, before we start, this much evidence actually would have been enough of God's presence. But because the doubting Thomas is in our head, he'll say, 'But if it is really God, then why can't it be some fireworks, some explosive thing?' Then let that doubting Thomas answer: Where does the guidance come from? Where does the love come from? Where does the peace come from? Is it created biologically?

So, to get drawn more and more into that, more and more in the quiet within, in the empty, is to be spiritual. Because then we are not following our will; we are willing to be guided by God's will. And to more and more follow the ways of the world, to get attracted to just worldly objects, to suffer without them—that is to be worldly. That is to live in attachment. That is to live in mind.

Whether you do the inquiry or you are a Bhakta, many feel that the inquiry is a non-spiritual process, it's a purely mechanical process. 'I sit down, I ask myself: Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?' And automatically, after I've asked enough number of times, I will be given the highest insight into the Absolute. Then the sages would have told us, 'You have to ask 100,000 times, a million times, and then it is guaranteed to you. You paid your dues, so you will get the outcome.' But nobody has told us that, or can tell us that, because the outcomes always depend on that Supreme intelligence whose movement is called Grace.

So, one may ask sincerely only once and recognize that they are not this body-mind, they are that pure awareness itself. And one may ask for their whole life and they may not seem to get any outcome from that. So, who determines these things? That is the Supreme intelligence of God. So, all of you need to have the tools by which you can sit in your heart temple, which means open and empty, abiding inwardly for at least two hours every day. I think you at least have to have the tools which allow you to do that. Do you all feel like you have the tools to do that? Whether you're using the tools or not, that is secondary. We'll come to that in a moment.

What could the tools be? It could be your prayers, it could be some other japa that you're doing, it could be yoga pranayam practice, it could be verses that you're reciting, could be reading of the scriptures. It could be, of course, self-inquiry is a very, very important tool. But you must know what the tool is for. Because otherwise, like Ashika was saying, you may just end up cooking, cooking, cooking and never eating what you have cooked. So, you may feel that to do ten malas is enough, but if you're not, as the outcome of that, being able to sit by yourself at least for a few moments, then you've not really eaten what you've cooked.

Initially, it could happen that it takes a long time to cook and the eating happens very quickly. You did all that difficult sadhana, yoga sadhana especially, all that movement, and then the stillness or the quietness may last a few minutes. Or you did so much japa, you did so much prayers, but you're wondering, 'Where is the samadhi that I was promised?' Is Atma Darshan samadhi? 'I've been doing the prayer, prayer, but where is the samadhi I was promised?' A samadhi state is that stillness leading to a union, or a sense of union, or a seeing of oneness.

So, initially it may happen like that. Then as you progress and you deepen in your love and faith in God, and your patience, humility—all of these things—then you may find that cooking could become very quick and your abiding could be long. And all of us have to admit that this is the holiness within ourselves, whether we call that the Kingdom of Heaven, or we call it the presence of the Atma within, or we say it is God's guidance, whether we call it the Satguru—the terminology doesn't matter.

So, can we be with God for at least two to four hours every day? I feel that is required to break the spell of Maya. It may not be enough, you see, but my feeling is—and we can't generalize for everyone—but for most of us, it is a requirement. And some may find it easier to do it at one stretch or two stretches. Morning and evening could be two hours each, that's one option. Or one hour each, that could be one option. The other option is to find chunks within the day. You're stuck in Bangalore traffic for 45 minutes? See, thank you! Life gives you the right opportunities without having to run away from life or become an escapist. It gives you the right opportunities. And when do you know that you're running away from life or becoming an escapist? That is when your heart will guide you.

So, does everyone have the tools to be with God? Yes? I know I'm asking this every day, but I just want to give everyone an opportunity to be able to share whether this is true for them. Because this is very important. The project is important, the tools to use in this project are important, and the application of the tools is important. Otherwise, we'll get stuck in a very airy-fairy, lip-service, armchair spirituality which knows a lot of spiritual concepts. You can debate with your friends, you can talk to everybody about God, but you're actually finding yourself not really living with Him. Therefore, you're just talking about heaven, but you're never really living there, no?

Yesterday, Guruji, you mentioned that the heart will guide you whether you're escaping from life. If I understand you right, you meant whether you are taking the refuge of God to escape life. Do you mean that? I mean, sometimes the mind also uses that as a trick to say that you are doing this. So, that's why I said the heart will guide you, yes. So, in my case, I'm not sure if my heart is able to guide me. So, what I think is that I should just risk it.

Your heart is always able to guide you. It takes time for us to be able to listen. Yeah.

So, until then, I should just risk it? I mean, even if the mind says that you must just risk it, exactly. In the sense that just let go of everything as a narrative, as a thought, as long as you are clear that it is till you come to a point where it is clearly coming from the Atma's guidance within, the spirit's guidance within. By risking it, what I meant was even if it hurts my personal life or work life, I should have the strength to risk it, whatever it takes.

It will seem absurd, it will seem risky, but no risk, no faith. Even when you follow your heart, the mind will still come and doubt it. So, you still have to have that ability to take that risk. Your heart is guiding you, but your mind will say, 'No, not really, really.' That's what... no, no. So, you just have to say, 'My heart is for God, my life is for God.' I know that when you follow your heart, kindness, compassion, love for everyone in your life—not just your satsang but also your work colleagues—comes.

One child is saying that if it is so good that a meeting got cancelled, 'I feel so happy I can spend those two hours with God, then why do I have to make money? Can't I just quit?' Because there are those eighty or ninety children also earning their livelihood because of the work that we do, that somewhere stops me from doing that kind of... so God's grace has to take care of all of us together. But if it is clear in my heart one day He is really guiding that, that's it, that will be it. But I've seen that God is not usually operating in that way. He just tells you: next step, next step, next step. He doesn't say... I mean, sometimes yes, maybe, but usually I have seen that His ways are very humble, very gentle, very sweet.

Our mind is scared that if I just listen to God's will, what will He say? 'Am I the next Abraham or something like that?' It can scare us that way. But maybe you are the next St. Therese, whose whole life was just tiny, tiny, tiny steps, little ways to love God in the human condition. There's a lot of attachment to heroism. For heroism, we may end up doing something which may seem very sacrificial, you see, and all of those things. That's why maybe God sometimes shows us how to be loving in very small, humble ways, so our pride doesn't start to take ourselves to be a hero of some sort. Because spiritual heroism can be a very strong form of pride also. 'For God, I am... oh, I am doing this for...' No, God is doing everything that is good.

So, there are so many pitfalls of pride along the way that we have to just rely on our humility and prayer and sadhana to guide us again and again every day. Have you seen how this works? First, you can be... I'm talking about myself here, that I could get into pride about something. Then I could say, 'See, I almost got into pride about that thing,' and I could be getting into pride by seeing that, 'Oh, I almost got into pride about that thing.' Then I could be getting into pride by thinking that I'm sharing that thing and, 'See, now I'm so proud that I can see and I can spot that pride.' It can come even this way. You can get into this false humility, the pride of false humility. So, what then? Just rely on your heart.

I’m talking about myself here, that I could get into pride about something. Then I could say, 'See, I almost got into pride about that thing.' And I could be getting into pride by seeing that, 'Oh, I almost got into pride about that thing.' Then I could be getting into pride by thinking that I'm sharing that thing and, 'See, now I'm so proud that I can see and I can spot that pride can come.' Even this—you can get into this false humility, the pride of false humility. So what's what? Then just rely on your heart to speak truly. Truly rely on your heart to speak. Your Atma can take over your mouth and then your words are satsang. Your sharing, your presence is satsang. Your life is satsang. And you know who is the first disciple of that satsang? You are. You will never become the guru. I will never become the guru. The guru is always that One. So we must never get into the trap of taking ourselves to be anything at all. So, do we know how to be with God? Let's hear it again so everyone can hear. Where's the mic?

I don't think I'm able to even tell that I'm empty or not because it's not the coming of thoughts, but the lack of belief. And that's not perceivable in your prayer or after your prayer. Does something out of the ordinary happen at all? Rarely like that love—what is that that happens? Love, peace... that sometimes. What about just like a natural pull to be within? I think you're using the word 'within' in a different way. Like, yeah, just a natural pull inwards or whatever. Like, not in this world. You don't mean just closing your eyes?

No. So once you close your eyes, then do you want to leave that immediately or something wants you to stay?

When that love-peace is there, I want to stay. But many... okay, close your eyes now. Huh? You want to immediately leave? No. What is keeping you there? This is something perceivable, that sensation. Okay, what is the source of that sensation? I don't know.

Yes, that is the great mystery. Like, why should anyone want to go within? What is there in the eyes of the world? Nothing is there. It's a waste of time. Our friends and family will also tell us, 'What are you doing?' If you tell your friends, 'I can't come to your celebration because I want to close my eyes and go within,' they'll say, 'What is wrong with you? What a waste! What a loser you have become,' isn't it? Even if they don't tell you, they will think that many times, you see. Because in the eyes of the world, there's nothing there. But those who have a spiritual inclination, if you're going to be poetic, you could say that they hear Krishna's flute calling them. And He is calling you within your heart to meet Him in that holy place. And the part that wants to stay with One, in love with God like a Gopi, and the one that wants to run is the one that is scared of God, which is in Maya's hypnosis, scared of dissolution. Love gives us the fearlessness to embrace dissolution. In love, we just want to dissolve. We want only the Beloved to be, not ourselves. And Maya makes us want to make something out of ourselves. So between these two forces of Maya and Atma is our human condition, human life.

So, small calls that you make... like, I read something very beautiful yesterday from St. John of the Cross. He said that how to tell whether this is a desire or it's really auspicious is a very simple thing. He said, 'Is this for God or is it for me? Is this going to help me love God more, pray deeper?' Then those become very simple questions we can ask ourselves. And it must be asked even in the sharing of satsang. I have to ask myself constantly: Am I sharing satsang with all of you for me, so that I look good, I get an audience, I get approval, I get love from everyone? Or is it really about God? Is it really to point all of you in some whatever little way that I can towards His love, His light, His glory? It's very easy to get into pride sitting on a pedestal. And if you start asking that question, 'Is this for me or is it for God?' you will see you will have more than enough time for prayer, for inquiry, for sadhana, whatever your path. You can always ask everything. We can participate in that resolution together if you like.

If you like. I was just reflecting on parallels because it's been so long since I've come or even thought about any of this. So I was just reflecting on parallels in what you're saying and what I've experienced. And quite honestly, I had almost taken out this desperate seeking for or understanding of God when I feel like I probably had the most wonderful experience. Like, it's just experiences, and to the point that I didn't even realize what was happening. So I probably maybe—I wouldn't say disregarded it—I kind of enjoyed it, I felt it, but I didn't even think of it as some kind of a communion or whatever. But in that sense of risk and heart that we were talking about a little earlier, I do feel like I'm living in a zone of surrender that I've never done before because decisions have been very hard. And so I have no idea what the future will look like. And the beautiful part about that is you live in a certain sense of surrender; you detach from a lot of ideas and outcomes and identities, right? So I've kind of arrived at this space more from detaching from the concept of seeking God, understanding it, or even like the spiritual lens, and just kind of, I think, felt my way through. And while I think I feel like so much has been—what I thought mattered has been taken away—I don't think I've ever felt safer and more at peace with where it's at or what will happen also. But it's a little bit detached from seeking this relationship with God. It's just... it's kind of been happening. And there's a little bit of disassociation with myself, but not a full... I'm liking being in this as well, but I'm able to see that I'm not just Ashika.

Yeah. So what brought you to satsang then today?

I don't know. I was at work and I just told my co-founder, 'I feel like I haven't been for so long, I want to stay in this...' I keep... I use these words I know you won't approve of, but like, 'I want to stay in this frequency or this energy zone.' And I was like, I was trying to think how can I do that? And I was like, 'Oh, if I come here—I haven't been in months.' I was like, 'I just want to come here and kind of stay in that.'

It's good in a way. I don't disapprove of them by themselves. It's only that if someone was to say that, 'My child is not actually a child, it's just magnetism or gravity,' you know, then you feel like, 'How can I be in love with gravity?' So those who fall in love with God, then they will always wonder, 'Why is He called a force or energy or even, for that matter, Consciousness or Awareness?' which seems to make it not lovable in that way, you see. So I much prefer Ram, Krishna, Jesus, Allah, God—all of these terms—because you feel like you can... it's a more accurate representation of my love. Because it would be really strange to say, 'I've fallen in love with gravitation,' you know, some force field, some energy like that. You see where it's coming from? And it's also good contemplation for us as to why do we want to... that which is the very source of love, why do we want to treat Him like a phenomena or a force? And when I look back at my life, I see that more than any loving father could have ever done, He has done for me at every step of the way. So if I can't imagine my biological father as like just energy or a force field—he is all of that, but he's so much more. He is that most beautiful frequency, most beautiful energy, but somewhere in that we are sort of creating a distance. Like, I can't fall in love with a frequency.

Something like... yeah, I know. I probably unconsciously detached from these identities of God just because of the multiple narratives going around, and I feel like, you know, it puts me into a place that's uncomfortable. It feels like it's separating more than bringing together, whereas this feels more universal or less, you know, this person versus that person or this faith versus that faith, which maybe has pulled me away from...

So what is that? At least provisionally, as long as you are able to, you can broadly refer to Him in these ways: Universal Consciousness, you know, whatever, without getting into any debate with the world, because I see where you're coming from. But at least for yourself, don't deprive yourself of a very loving possibility there. And He's willing to reflect whatever construct. So for me, the highest way of relating with Him, or the most used way of relating with Him, is as a Father, as a Holy Father. I'm also now falling so deeply in love that I'm starting to see how He is my Beloved as well. And I know in my heart that He doesn't... because He is so much bigger, broader than I am, these constructs are not so important for Him, but they're really helpful for me to be able to rely on Him more and more, to love Him more and more. So I'm just saying that as long as it is for external consumption, because you don't want to get into any debates and you know there's so much worldly conflict about God, so that's fine. But inwardly, whether you love Him as a child, whether you love Him as if He is your child, whether you love Him as if He's your Beloved, or whether you love Him as your best friend, Sakha...

Yeah, I think a lot of internal resistances come up. Even this reference of God always as 'He' is something I really struggle with. I'm like, I don't know if there's a gender involved in this. It feels bigger and greater, but the reference also...

I said that just the other... Divine Mother, as a Holy Mother. See, I can let's have one satsang where I only refer to Her as 'She,' which is, I guess, traditional language. But I would be really foolish if I did not consider Her my Mother or my Beloved in that holy way every time I say 'She.'

Because I tell my daughter, I'm like, 'You know, it's a creation energy, it's the energy of nature, it's a nurturing, loving energy.' And that tends to be feminine qualities, not female. Or she keeps telling me—no, more—she's like seven and she's like, 'No, Mama, it's not male or female, it's more than both of it, it's neither.' She says it's more than both or it's neither of. But the minute I try and personify it, I feel like all these internal resistances and questions start.

It happens here because in my life it has been about Ram, Krishna, Jesus, so then it comes in that way. But in your life, it could have been about Durga, Kali, Lakshmi, Saraswati, Mother Mary. It could be. Because whether we like it or not, can we really... I don't know if I shared this with you, but if I said to you, 'You know, Ashika, I know someone who could actually be your best friend,' then you say, 'Can I talk to them? Can I talk to her?' And I say, 'No, no, not really, you can't talk to her.' 'Okay, then at least can I see her photo? Can you introduce me?' I said, 'No, no, no, she's just a frequency.' No! Like, how can I be best friends with her if she's just... you know, I can't talk to her, I can't meet her in any relatable way. As open-minded and broad as we may make ourselves out to be, in the human condition we need at least one construct to be able to embrace. So although in our deepest insight we realize that He is the One beyond all, She is the One beyond all constructs, but the falling-in-love aspect with God, which is so important—these tools are very helpful. Tools are very helpful too. And you will find in your heart that She reciprocates. You could come up with your own construct and say, 'Jura... I may get in trouble for you... say Jura is my God,' no? And you start to love God in that way. Or you may say, 'Merita Mary,' and some construct, and you just start loving Her in that way. And you will see in your heart that there is more reciprocation than we could ever find from a human relationship. More blessing, more holiness, more sense of being looked after, carried in Her lap in everything. So it is my encouragement that because of whatever reasons of the outside world, don't deprive your insides of that.

You start to love God in that way, or you may say some construct, and you just start loving her in that way. You will see in your heart that there is more reciprocation than we could ever find from a human relationship—more blessing, more holiness, more sense of being looked after, carried in her lap in everything. So, it is my encouragement that you, because of whatever reasons of the outside world, don't deprive your insides of that possibility of a deep love. Even if the way of relating is not yet clear, it's fine because, in spite of whatever else I may say, my highest love is the Nirguna nature of God. The Nirguna, the sheer absoluteness of her presence, her reality, is the deepest love of my heart. But could that have happened in my life without the love for Ram, Krishna, Jesus, Allah? I don't know, possibly, maybe. But if somebody was to say that take away—because the highest is the Nirguna—then take away your love for Ram? No chance. I'm not giving him up for anything at all. So, he himself shows me what he is, that actuality beyond shape and form, his formlessness. He shows me his reality, and yet he is my father, he is my beloved. All this can sound a bit strange, a bit absurd in today's world, but to be seen as absurd or strange is no price to pay at all for this love that I receive.

It feels equally absurd, but it feels like I'm falling in love with like the wind or like a creature. I just don't want to eat anything. I'm seeing it in living form, like animals, plants, wind. It's weird, strange, very, very...

Dattatreya and St. Francis of Assisi, if you read their stories, they saw that they started to see everything appearing in their lives as reflections of God or God himself, herself. So, it's a beautiful pathway as well. But I'm just sensing like an almost active resistance to that which may not be, you know, to find God in any what you may call a traditional construct, you see? Because I know the amount of trouble that the constructs have caused. Don't feel that I don't know. But in our inner lives, there are great gifts also to be had. So long as you're not actively resisting, it's all right. Try to become inwardly open towards whichever way she wants to guide you, and she will show you the best way.

Unless we have—like in my life, whatever little learning I have is that it is very easy to close myself up, especially because I've been sharing Satsang now for some time. Children have been coming for so many years, so it's very easy to lose the beginner mindset, the openness, you see? But I see the grace of that where every day I discover a new treasure, a new sage, a new way, such beautiful ways of loving God that if I was closed, then I would never be able to meet these. I would always have this sort of 'I know best' approach, which is very easy to do, especially in Advaita Vedanta, because you can Neti everything. No, not this, not this, not this. So sometimes the Neti Neti can become applied to everything except our own prior, everything except the open and empty of everything except open and empty because that now is the highest. No, we have to be empty of that also. It's really clear, whether you call it the beginner mind of Zen or 'only the children will enter the Kingdom of Heaven' of Christianity, that till we are innocent, we cannot truly live in God's presence.

I feel I've confused everyone enough. So, how to make it simpler? If your intention is to spend two to four hours with him every day, then all the pathways that I've been talking about will open up. Because if you're proud, try spending two hours with him—not going to happen, you see? It just won't happen. If you're selfish, it's not going to happen. If you're just 'me, me, me,' not going to happen. So, that attempt to spend a large part of our day with him clarifies everything to us. When you try to pray, what comes to the surface very often is my foolishness and my pride and my resentments, and all those things come to the surface. There are multiple layers to these stories. So when Jesus told Matthew, 'Go mend it with your brother before you pray, come to pray at the altar,' then that is what he's saying. He gives you, he shows you what needs to be worked on, where pride is still hiding.

You want to know what is Maya in your life? What distracts you in Satsang? Maya in your life is when you're able to come and just be in God's presence, and then the mind is determined to pull you into some story, some ideas, some narrative, some something. So that is where Maya is getting you. Of course, we wish we could have both. Funny thing is that why are we chasing this world? Why are we chasing relationships? Why are we chasing money? Why are we chasing everything that we're chasing? At the basis of it is this idea that we will be loved. We will be loved. But the source of love itself, we run away from. That is why it is the trickster, the Maya. Maya is the greatest con artist.

So you ask anyone, 'Would you have...' well, they may answer this way, but it's worth exploring. If I said you could be the king of the world, you could have everything in the world, but never have love, then what would you pick? Other mic, we can turn it on. Then what would we pick? I don't know what we would pick, actually. But if you ask those who actually have a lot of money and say that if you had all this money with no love, what would you pick? So we have this curse for love, longing for love, longing to be loved, and we think we will get it from the outside and that will fulfill us in some way. But the fulfillment will only come from within. Even when it seems like it's coming from outside, where is it actually coming from? You feel like, 'I'm in love, so in love, so in love,' but that love is coming from where? Nobody's sending you frequencies of love. It may seem like that, and actually those frequencies are coming from within.

So till we accept the fact that the Atma, the Holy Spirit, is a reality, is the source of all love, intelligence, grace, peace, everything good, and also the source of all guidance, till then we may be conceptually spiritual, mentally spiritual, but our real relationship with Spirit has not started. So we haven't really become spiritual. And once you get into the discipleship of the Atma, then our life is really transformed. It doesn't mean that there are no difficulties that come. Difficulties will come, maybe even stronger difficulties will come, but the love and reassurance and just the sense of well-being that you get in her light is unbeatable. And once we come into the discipleship of the Atma, that is when we are starting to follow his will. Nanak Ji said, which means follow his command, that is my highest teaching. Nanak Ji said we cannot do unless we live in his presence. And then that scary statement from Lord Jesus is there. He said, 'Then if you say to me, "Lord, Lord," I will not recognize you.' You know this one? 'Then if you say to me, "Lord, Lord," I will not recognize you because you did not follow the will of my Father.'

So the time to follow his will, the time to live in his presence, is now. All the sages across religions, across traditions, have told us that is the only way to live. So first start spending more time with her, and then her will will follow. If you feel you can't do two hours of just sitting in your heart temple quietly immersed in his love or in love for him or her, then start with whatever—one minute, two minutes, fifteen minutes. The Sadhana of struggle is higher than the Sadhana of content, of ease, because God can see your struggle. Ease comes from him, so that is his gift that he's giving us. But when we struggle, the mind is very active saying, 'Relationship, relationship, relationship,' and you're saying, 'God, God, God. No, relationship. No, God.' That struggle God can see. What was the question on special relationship? Who had asked? Somebody had asked in one of the groups. What is it? You remember? Can you read?

This part is very important. We feel like there must be some difficult, special process to surrender things to God or to give things to God, but it's not. It's the most simplest, you see? So how would you give anything to your father or mother? How would you give? You would say, 'Here, please take this.' That's all. It's as simple as that, you see? And it comes back, you say, 'Oh, it came back. Here, please take this.' Your intention to give—in this case, you don't have to even do a physical giving—just your intention to hand over to God, he knows. So it's the simplest process. But this, which seems so obvious now, it's quite something to explore because our minds go towards complexity, you see? But our hearts move towards innocence. It takes a lot of learning to come to simplicity, to say, 'How do I surrender it to God?' is not a difficult process. It's actually to say, 'I surrender it.'

We're talking about special relationships now. So I was trying to check, you know, and I was feeling like special relationships are not feeling so special, you know? Like when I explore them, they don't have that... but if I have to give up my will and do his will, and at that point in time there is that... like I feel like I want to do it my way. That's the time I struggle a lot, you know? Otherwise, you know, like other times there's nothing really exciting about it. It could be any relationship, you know, apart from probably with the Guru, you know, it's not feeling like so...

So how would we look at a special relationship? You would say that that which the world presents as a replacement to love God—not necessarily in such a clear and obvious way, but we would rather dwell on them rather than dwell on God—that's a special relationship. But the good news is that if you love God, you stay with God, then our love naturally reflects in all the relationships of our lives, you see? It doesn't mean that it becomes robotic and it becomes just generic, you see? But that love knows how to flow in every direction in its own unique way. So just keep God as special, and from there all relationships can become holy, can become auspicious. But when we pick our will—'No, actually can't I have that also and God also?'—in our grasping, we can't hold God. We can only hold God in our letting go. So the more you let go of Maya, the more you let go of the world, the more you hold on to God.

All that... what is a special relationship that we feel like I have to grasp tightly? Just let go that, you know. Like the minute I want to hold something tightly, I know that it's not coming from... but at that moment, Father, all kinds of logic, fear... so it's like trying to bypass it somehow, you know? Like whatever I want, you know, all kinds of pride, lies, deceiving, self-deception, self-denial and deception, which is actually the bypassing. The self-deception is the bypassing.

But many times it can feel like using God we are doing spiritual bypassing. No, in being with God we are forced to be so open to everything. We are just open in our acceptance of everything. We are meeting everything, not bypassing anything at all. It is in the ways of the world that we actually bypass our very core, what our heart is telling us, the love in our heart. We are bypassing all of that to cling on to a worldly sort of narrative. So that is the real bypassing, isn't it? Like you can't be with God and bypass anything at all, which doesn't mean that he doesn't give you comfort, rest, reassurance. Maybe that's what Maya hates—that how could God's presence provide that comfort and rest and reassurance and love when this big problem is happening in your life? That sounds like spiritual bypassing to me, this kind of thing. It is possible to do spiritual bypassing just conceptually by saying, 'No, no, nothing is happening to me.'

That is the real bypassing, isn't it? Like, you can't be with God and bypass anything at all, which doesn't mean that He doesn't give you comfort, rest, reassurance. Maybe that's what Maya hates—that how could God's presence provide that comfort and rest and reassurance and love when this big problem is happening in your life? That sounds like spiritual bypassing to me, this kind of thing. It is possible to do spiritual bypassing just conceptually by saying, 'No, no, nothing is happening to me, I am the Self,' you see? Unless those are just pointers which bring us to the looking. If it is just mental blocks, mental ads, you see, then they can be used for bypassing, of course. But the path of being with God, living in His light, you can never get stuck in any bypassing because we have to meet and transcend everything to be with Him.

This self-deception—'No, no, it's fine because, you know, even Father said in one satsang like that, like that'—so just we know in our heart that something is not right, not the guidance of the Atma, but we use some logic, some convoluted thing to just make it make sense to ourselves. We rarely move without things, without proving to ourselves that we are right. We rarely move, see, without proving to ourselves that we are right. We rarely move, you see, isn't it? We find a way to prove that, 'No, no, not this, not that,' and we will use our spirituality, we will use everything. But somewhere we know that it is just coming from the intellect rather than the heart. That is self-deception, just trying to fool ourselves.

Of course, of course, of course, of course. Not just one is the feeling of anger; second is the expression of anger. And in the expression of anger especially, we feel like not just am I right, I have to do something about it because God won't, or His way takes too long, so I need to take matters into my own hand. So many times we don't have that patience to go through it. Even if irritation comes, we don't inquire into it or we don't surrender it. It becomes an anger. It gives us plenty of opportunities, actually. It becomes an anger, then when anger comes, we don't pray in our heart temple, we don't hand it over, we don't wait till it settles, you know? And then the third state, we feel like it is right for me to express that anger, send that energy out into the world, and because I am right, I am justified in doing that. But that is a complete denial of God's justice to say that I have to take care of it myself because if I don't, then God will—God is too merciful, He will not do anything about it. So then are we to question His mercy then, as if His mercy is not justice? So there are so many stages at which we can actually stop ourselves.

And I'm learning that. I'm not an expert, but I'm learning to notice it at the stage of the arising of irritation. I feel like at least in terms of the expression of anger, it's been hardly there since I heard from Ananta not to get angry. Actually, what I wanted to ask was that I can't deceive myself at that moment, no? When I'm actually feeling angry and I'm like lashing out, I can't. If I know that I'm not supposed to be angry, then I can't. I can fool myself and some others, okay, so when you get angry, can you go to a room and shout into a pillow or something? No, no. Much as that deception, I can't fool myself at that time that I'm angry. I can't pretend I'm not angry. Yes, exactly, that's what I mean. In other things I may pretend, why I'm so generous, I mean all nonsense, but here I can't pretend in that situation. But then when you're trying to do like all that you said, you know, you surrender it and inquire, whatever, all that when we are angry in that way...

Yeah, you see, I feel like 99.999999% of our anger is not a holy anger, you see? I wonder whether any of us have actually, even this one, has ever experienced that holy anger. So let's not just presume that, 'Oh, it is the will of God for me to be angry right now.' We must never get into that. We must never say, 'Oh, this is just Shiva energy that is playing out through us,' and you know, we are that special that Shiva will come and do a Tandav using us. We are nowhere like that. So we should not fool ourselves in these ways. I'm saying all this because I've done all this in my life. So we must not fool ourselves in these ways. And if we are angry, we will notice that we are disconnected from God in our heart. That is simple enough reason to not do it. And after you express your anger, it takes a long time to recreate the connection with God, isn't it? Like give unstintingly when you give.

So one thing I want to say before that is that how right do we have to be and how wrong does another have to be for us to say, 'Now it is worth it that I will spend today away from God because of this reason'? Nothing. I mean, there can't ever be justification for that, no? But isn't it? Yeah. What is your recovery time on average from anger and connecting back with the holy presence 'I Am' in your heart for all of you? Takes a while, takes a while. So why put ourselves in that hellish life then?

Okay, I should start speaking a little less than I do, but what is the main message you're getting out of satsang these days? I just want you to be left with this message: that the best use of your time is to be with God's presence in your heart temple, immersed in acquired love for Her, for Her light, for Her love. And just your intention to be that way as much as possible will fix everything else in your path. That is the main thing I'm trying to say through all of this. It's very natural to sit there, to be in your temple. That's what we were trying, which you also, when you close your eyes, something naturally gravitates towards that. We just have to follow that holy calling from your heart, and all the tools are just so that you can go there, you can sit there. That's the spiritual part, basically.

Yes, celebrate the good news that you can be with the Highest One. Be with the Highest One, the Guru of gurus, the Love within Love itself, the light of the purest intelligence, the highest insight, the one for whom these universes He makes are just tiny grains of sand. That is the one who lives in your heart. Celebrate that fact. No matter what is happening, rejoice in that.