That Which Is Most Important Is the Audience of One - 7th June 2024

Sweeter and sweeter, deeper and deeper. It's unperceivable effort.

Ah, yes, yes, that's good. Okay, so sweeter and sweeter, deeper and deeper. You see, that is one aspect of it. It is different where things in the world can become monotonous and boring very quickly. Whether it is work or relationships, the initial joy doesn't seem to last in many cases. But in this case, it gets deeper and deeper and the taste gets sweeter and sweeter. But in what way is it different in the sense of the process of it, the way, so to speak? How is that different? So, it's unperceivable effort. Okay, let's go slowly, slowly. These are very good.

So the first point was that we are looking for that which is unperceivable. Okay? So the unperceivable reality of the Self, the pure awareness that we are, that we cannot find through usual mechanisms. No matter what we do, even if you follow the process which has been given to us by the sages—is it to do the Neti Neti, the 'not that, not this, not this, not this,' or to do the inquiry—there is no guarantee as to at what point you will realize the Self. You cannot say that after these many numbers of sincerely asking the question 'Who am I?' we will come to the realization of the Self. There is no guarantee.

And even if you are saying that 'I want to come to the presence of God,' you got inspired by a sage, by a holy book, and you said that it is possible to live in God's presence, in His light, 'I want that for myself'—there is no guarantee as to how and when it will happen. I think that's also a realization: that we don't even know, that we can only be, or we can just only be in the moment and can't even ask more than that.

And that is why maybe the most important difference is that in worldly adventures, as I call them—but worldly endeavors really—endeavors to achieve something, it is about building onto this 'me.' Is it? In the world, we build on more and more to this 'me.' We learn, we train, we explore. But in all of this, the center of the story is always the 'me.' And in spirituality, if it is true spirituality, the 'me' must be forgotten more and more. Forgotten more and more.

Whether it is the path of Gana to recognize yourself—if you're obsessed with the 'me' recognizing awareness as yourself, like 'I am going to do it, I am that, I know I am that'—you see, if there's more emphasis on the 'I, I, I, me, me, me,' then it is not a fruitful inquiry. It is not a fruitful endeavor. And on the path of Bhakti, to remain in God's presence, if it's about 'me, me, me'—you see, 'When will I get it? What is happening to me? Why is it not happening for me?'—if it is 'me, me, me,' then it is no longer spiritual.

So when we say it's worldly or spiritual, it is also not just about the world and not just about spirit, but also: who is the protagonist? Is it all about me? Am I making everything about me? Then it is a worldly endeavor. Whether we are sitting in a Satsang hall or we are anywhere in the world, in an office space or out on a date, in a relationship or something like that—if it is about 'me,' it is worldly. It is Maya; it is full of Maya. And if it is truly about God, then it is Godly, is it? So first we have to check on that, check on that, check on that. What is this really about?

So you realize that the prerequisite for this project is to leave as much space for God as possible in our life, in every aspect of our life, and reduce the space that we've given to this 'me' everywhere. That's the first thing. In another conversation, it will be the third thing, that's okay, but for today, that's the first thing. Then what is important? Okay, I resolve that selflessly I want to find out who I am or I want to come to God's presence. So to have this intention initially is very important. What is your intention? And intention means it is more about the fruit, is it? What is it that you actually want? What are you intending to get? To be one with God? To find the true nature of the Self? What is unchanging reality? To serve God, to love God, to live in His presence? All of these are worthwhile spiritual intentions, is it? Because none of these can be done in a worldly way.

You can't say, 'I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that and then this will just—I can take for granted that I'm entitled to it.' You see, it's not like a monthly salary: 'I've worked my required number of hours and I'm entitled to my salary.' It is not like that, is it? But to have that intention is really important. So what is your intention for your life? You cannot say that in spirituality, in Satsang, this is my intention. See what is your main intention in your life, and maybe one day that main intention becomes our only intention. So what is it really about?

Father, I'm realizing more and more that if I use my own power or strength, like with the mind, to do things, there's like a lot of struggle there. Like you said, the discipleship is very important, you know? So really surrendering and just being guided by that, by the presence of Atma, Father. That is what I'm recognizing of late, because it was all about me, you know, so far. 'How am I doing? What are my practices? How should I refine it further, inquiry and all these things?' But to be honest, Father, now I'm realizing how important it is to be in the discipleship, you know, that presence, and always be guided moment by moment by that.

Yes, I was just going to come to that. I was going to say that if our intention is, 'Oh, I'm going to get some peace by becoming spiritual' or 'My life will feel better, some pain will go away,' all of that, then it is more of a spiritual self-help type thing, not the spirituality that we truly talking about, you see? So once you have the intention to come to the discovery of the Self, or to the love of God, to the servitude of God, you see, then—thank you for saying that—then very quickly we realize we don't know what to do. You don't know how to do that. How to invoke the Nirguna? There is no worldly mechanism to do that. See? How to love God? There is no worldly mechanism to do that.

You see, all the tools are available, but there's no guarantee in any of the tools. But the beauty of this process is that if your intention truly is to find yourself, truly is to find God, then there is a helper, there is a guide, there is a Guru which is available. And in the discipleship of that Atma, then every day, every minute, every week, every month, the curriculum is available and He guides us step by step so beautifully inwardly. So the outer teacher just plays that provisional role between—if your intention is there and you're scampering or scrambling to come to some true guidance initially because we are used to meeting things on the outside, then the external form of the Guru becomes available to us in one way or the other.

There is nobody who comes to a true intention of coming to God but God leaves them Guruless even outside. See? It just doesn't happen. Therefore, even the holy meeting on the outside is very important because usually through the path of this outer meeting do we come to the holier, the truer meeting, which is with the Satguru in our heart. So that is the important thing: one, to realize what spirituality really is—it is about God and not about me—and secondly, your intention is very clear that 'I want to live in God's presence, I want to love Him, I want to serve Him, I want to find out the reality of Him or myself.' Then an outer teacher usually shows up in our life, and in some rare cases inwardly the teacher is found very quickly, but those are very rare cases, you see.

But the job of the outer is only this provisional job. I've been saying for years that it is just provisional, this outer Guru. But then that introduces us to the inner Satguru presence. See, why is the outer just provisional? Because the outer cannot guide you second by second. You see, he cannot be with you every second and answer every question. Usually the speaking happens in groups, and the teaching really cannot happen in groups like that. In the teaching in groups, we can only provide some support to come to that inner light, to that inner guiding presence. So that is how it plays out. So it's a very, very different, extraordinary thing because the truth is so different from the realm of Maya that to do it without the discipleship of the Atma or the Holy Spirit is just impossible. That's why the light of the Guru is needed.

And you see, usually the speaking happens in groups, and the teaching really cannot happen in groups like that. In the teaching in groups, we can only provide some support to come to that inner light, to that inner guiding presence. So that is how it plays out. So it's a very, very different, extraordinary thing where, because the truth is so different from the realm of Maya, that to do it without the discipleship of the Atma or the Holy Spirit is just impossible. That's why the light of the Guru is needed to bring us to the recognition of the unperceivable. That's why it's a unique light. And if you really listen to what is being said, you will realize that it's very, very strange. It's very, very absurd in worldly terms what is being said. Firstly, that there is an unperceivable reality that is what I am; and secondly, that there is a holy presence which can guide us to this way of life. Once we start to accept them as a reality and that process is called the deepening of faith, then we start to walk on the spiritual path.

And as we start to walk on the spiritual path, you see the design of Maya and its main narrator, the lawyer of Maya, which is the mind—it starts to get in the way in every possible thing. It will provide all the obstacles possible, you see, when you're least expecting it. But actually, if you observe it from a distance, you will see that the instant you become a little prideful about anything, something shows up in Maya to distract you. The instant you say you take yourself seriously, you think that you are something or you're making progress, something comes. You see, that's the most fertile ground for Maya to play its tricks. So humility is the main ingredient. It's the main ingredient. The instant you become knowledgeable, or you think you're knowledgeable, something... the instant you feel like you know something, you've progressed, you've had great insights, you've seen what you really are, that you can remain open and empty or you can pray all the time—the instant you make these kind of conclusions about the personal 'me', the trickster comes. Usually when you least expect it to come. Just when you think you're over worldly tendencies, they start to show up more.

So the antidote to this, the biggest antidote, is humility. Never take yourself to be anything. Never think that you have done something, that you're progressing. Just remember that we are just... all of us are just beginners on this path in front of God. Yeah, in front of God, what are we? We are always just beginners. Nobody.

Humility would be that anything can happen? No, it's giving a feedback. Humility would be that I can fall and I can get into... I can be tempted. Is that also humility? Like to never say I'm over anything?

No, asking... you can never presume. You can never presume. You don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. We don't know what will happen the next minute. It is said that the difference between Ram and Ravan was only one... I feel like it was a lot more than that, but it is said like that, you see. It is said somewhere I heard recently that... which means that, well, I can't really say that about Ram, but let's say about a Giani, you see, about a sage. The difference would be that they are aware, they have knowledge of their arrogance, of their pride, you see. And Ravan had pride about his knowledge. So, knowledge about pride versus pride about knowledge—that is the key distinction. And we fall for that trap very easily, very quickly. We start to conclude that we know something. We know that this is better or this is worse, or even that 'this is my way, this is not my way'.

There are like hundreds of times in my life I've concluded that something is my way, and God has shown me another way. So to remain soft, soft, open, open, gentle, gentle, inconclusive about our own—like you said—about our own strength, about our own knowledge, about our own way, that is when we become... that is how we start to deepen in our discipleship of the Atma. Now, suppose Atma was like a physical teacher sitting in front of you. Now, what would your approach be when you are learning from the Atma? Would you want it to be like an exciting debate between two points of view? You bring something to the table, Atma brings something to the table? Should it be like that? Is it? No. Then how would you want it to be?

Chosen.

Huh? Chosen? Jesus? Ah, like Chosen, like Jesus and his disciples. Which means that everybody approaches the Atma with a sheer humility, with a sheer openness. Would we want to prove to the... 'Hey Atma, Atma, see, see, see what I have discovered, what I have understood'? Do not do that, because God already knows. See, Atma is what? God's presence, God's life. So those of us being blessed in this way, then what happens when we become proud? You see, first we become blinded to it. We become blinded to our pride. We just feel like that is how it is, 'I do know this, this is real, this is true'. See? And then what happens? You don't sense the transmission of your heart anymore. So the process of loving, nurturing presence and the wordless guidance, the wordless teaching is... that connection seems to get broken because of our own position, you see. We become too strong in our own knowledge. So then the spirit also says that, 'Okay, when you come back open, then we'll talk'. I'm simplifying, of course, because this is moment to moment, actually. This is moment to moment, actually.

So what does one do if their intention is to be with God or to come to the recognition of the Self, but the only guide which can truly get us there, we feel like we haven't found that one? Pray, inquire more, remain empty of the 'me', humble yourself, make yourself soft on the inside. Keep your inner climate peaceful, fragrant. This is the setting the table for God to come for dinner. Or we have to be like Shabri, setting the path for him and organizing the fruit for him every day with full faith that he will come. See, remember that this Atma is him, is Ram, is Krishna, is Jesus, is Allah, is the Waheguru, is the Satguru. This Atma is it. So do we all have a sense of how to keep our inner environment? The biggest poison for your inner environment is obsession with the 'me'. Is 'me, me, what about me? This is happening to me. When will it stop for me? When will it happen for me?' Then that is not keeping your temple clean for God.

Then what is it? First we talked about the faith that he will come, he will listen to my pleas, he is merciful, he is kind, so he will come. What else?

Offering our... sacrificing our will for his will.

Exactly. It's not about what I want, but I'm available for your will to move me as you want. So this kind of servitude, the attitude of serving.

Then think, Father, once you recognize that 'me' can't exist without the light, once you recognize that, you see how foolish the obsession with the 'me' is, because you can't exist without...

Exactly, the life. Yes, exactly. So to not fall for ignorance, which is offering a 'me' constantly, is how to also keep your inner temple clean for the recognition to happen, for God's Darshan to happen, or the love of God to deepen in our hearts. What else?

So Chanda was saying one can be more like him. Emulation, the imitation of Christ, for example, is to be forgiving, kind, compassionate, slow to anger. Means really slow. Very often we say, 'Oh, I just got angry, I just got upset', you see. But it doesn't happen without our permission. As tempting as it may be, 'Oh, this one made me upset'—no one makes you upset. No one makes you angry. So we have to notice that for ourselves. And you will notice that if you... I'm working on it, I'm not saying I'm over with it, but I noticed it is a very beautiful tool. Like, I don't have this aggressive anger thing, but with this irritation, I notice that if I get irritated, it means I'm proud about something. I think I know this, I think I know how one should or other one should not be, or they should be. So this is a very good reminder for us. And the key is that you cannot get angry without first getting irritated. You see, it just builds up, builds up, builds up, and you get to that point. But you cannot get irritated without pride. It may seem strange unless you really explore it. It may seem like, 'What is he saying? I get irritated but I'm not proud.' But if you really notice it, you will notice that the irritation is a belief in a notion of knowing better. And that is pride.

Solitude never solves anything. To soil our temple within, to make it dirty on the inside, is never a solution. It may seem like some people have this thing that 'unless I get angry, nothing moves in the world', you see, 'nothing happens'. But then what you're taking to be real is the movement in the world and not the movement in your heart. It's very important to recognize that all that which is most important is the audience of one. Most important is the audience of one. Do we have the sense that he is with us? That he is watching us? The 'us' part may be questionable there, but the watching part, the being part, is apparent. Or yes or no? How many say that yes? Is it just thinking? You're just thinking that he is with you or he's watching everything? It's not thinking. So you've already gone to the intuitive power within yourself. If this is true what you say, then you must stay with that, able to follow.

Do you feel like he's with you? Do you have the sense... it's not a feeling, but like a sense that he's with you? Or do you have the sense that he is watching you? So that sense only comes intuitively. So you've already got access to your intuitive power, or the intuitive ability of the Atma is with you. You have to dive into that more. So you don't feel like he is aware of every breath, every heartbeat, every intention? When you say you're alone, are you really alone? Are you ever really alone? We all lament at times, 'Oh, I'm all alone, nobody understands me'. Can this ever be true? Is it ever true that we have been left alone and he doesn't understand us? I know your Advaita mind is fighting right now, but what I'm saying is that if you take yourself to have been left alone anyway, you're looking at yourself separately. So I'm just saying that even in the midst of separation, if you've taken yourself to be separate somebody, then do you feel right now when you look that you can ever be alone with nobody understanding you, nobody watching you, nobody aware of you?

Father, this feeling... we were coming for Satsang and there was some conversation happening, and then I felt alone. I mean, there was a what you're calling the intuitive feeling of being alone. And in that moment I said, 'Okay, fine, if I have to be alone', and there was some sense that, 'Okay, God will be... God is with you or will be with you'.

It is just... so what you actually... what I'm hearing, and tell me if I'm hearing correctly, is that there's nothing in the world which is yours. Yeah, I mean, nothing in the world you can really say is mine. Neither things nor people. In actuality, everything is an ever-changing field in the world. So you realize that in the world there is nothing that you can truly rely on. But then as you realize that, you realize that he is with you. Yeah, you realize that no matter what happens on the outside, he is with you. And whether you call that the beingness, Consciousness, or that which is aware even of Consciousness—that pure awareness—that never leaves. Whatever we are taking ourselves to be in that moment, of course we are that, we are that. But if you're getting into the mental traps, then we must be taking ourselves to be somebody, somebody. So the root back for that somebody is through the reassurance of realizing that he's always with us. So that this can also change. Like now, sorry, one point is coming strongly to make: so if he is always with us, why are we not always with him?

Yeah, this was only coming like for some moment it's there, and somewhere where 'me' is important... can we be with the 'me' and be with him?

No, we can never. So if we pick up the 'me' and make anything about 'me', the focus becomes on 'me', then we leave him. Because to be with him is to offer everything to him, is to be with him in our heart.

So that this can also change. Like now, sorry, one point is coming strongly to make. So if He is always with us, why are we not always with Him? Yeah, this was only coming. Like, for some moment it's there, and somewhere where 'me' is important. Can we be with the 'me' and be with Him?

No, we can never. So if we pick up the 'me' and make anything about 'me', the focus becomes on 'me', then we leave Him. Yes, because to be with Him is to offer everything to Him; is to be with Him in our heart, which means that our heart belongs to Him. And it's so beautiful that even if it seems like there is a 'me' and a 'Him', we are never left without a common point of intersection, which is the heart. Even if we say that I am just in this world, then even the most skeptical will say that 'I'm just the body, I was born, I'm going to die.' This light is a bit strong, right? So even if I say that, but if I was to really look, I will find that within myself is something extraordinary which is not made of this world. You see, like was being said, it's not something material, it's not something physical. So it's not made up of the substance of this world. It is with me, in me.

So even if you take the 'me' to be full flesh and blood and biological and all of these things, but if you were to really look, we come to this astounding discovery of something out of the world, out of the universe, which is in our heart—not our physical heart, but the heart that we can look at within ourselves without needing some scanning system or whatever. We can check within ourselves. So even if we take ourselves to be separate and worldly, and God to be either non-existent or out of the world, even those ones can find this holy intersection within themselves where His presence is there.

Then, of course, you realize that as you learn to live in that, with that, then that part which takes itself to be separate gets more and more pulled into that. And that discovery of Advaita, which is that there are no two, or in the words of Ashtavakra, the holy union of oneness happens when there is nothing left in the circle outside of the heart. Everything is pulled into the heart itself. So the heart is your force field to pull all of false identity and dissolve that, and the Maya is the force field which wants to keep you outside.

Now you have to provide that initial impetus. If you rush towards the force field of Maya, then that will seem to engulf you. If you intend and truly hand over your life more and more to God, then that will be the fulfillment of this life project, this life work, which is to merge in the holy union with Him. Or you can call it in different ways: to come to the recognition of non-duality. It's the same thing, you see.

So for this, we have to deepen in our discipleship of the Atma within. And you have to know in what way you're being guided by the Atma within, by the Holy Spirit within. And if you don't know, then you have to sit quietly and turn facing inwards and have patience and wait. Please follow this; it's really important. If it is not clear to you in what way you're being guided by your heart, then please sit quietly, turn inwards, and with patience, wait. Use the tools of japa, prayer, inquiry, neti-neti, whatever you're using, but turn inward and wait. No, nothing on the outside is more important than this. And even when you're turning inward and waiting, the outer will take care of itself. Your body will move as it has to, words will come as they have to, but your whole life will become a Satsang. That's the most important.

So this turning inwards and waiting, we tried to put some metaphors for this last time. We said it's like a mirror looking at itself, you see? A folded mirror which is actually one, but turned towards itself. Another maybe not so elegant way to put it was to look at it as if the snake is eating its own tail and therefore dissolving in an ever-deepening way. So become antarmukhi, become inward-facing. That is the most important, and that will truly tell you whether you're truly getting over this lure of Maya or you're just fooling yourself. If you cannot sit by yourself, even if you are in a crowd, and be inward-facing, then we are still caught up in Maya.

So everything that we spoke about so far—humility, openness, keeping the purity of your intention only about God—all that will help you to remain inward-focused like this. Once you're at this point, then it is my feeling—I cannot guarantee anything on behalf of God—but it is my deep sense that His guidance will become more and more available to you. His presence will be felt more and more clearly, all of you, you see? And His love will keep you grounded, anchored in His life.

And if it seems very resistive at this point, you see, and many times be careful of your own spiritual ideas. You have to notice for yourself what is pulling you outwards and what is pulling you inwards. So as if you were seven years old, then you would say that it is spiritual to read Amar Chitra Katha because you're getting some idea about the lives of the saints. It is beautiful, but as we mature in our spirituality, we can't keep ourselves busy with just that which is ultimately meant to entertain as well as to teach. We become subtler and subtler, deeper and deeper, and our sadhana also deepens in that way. So that which is very gross initially becomes subtler and subtler and becomes sukshma. So that sukshma sadhana one saint was talking about very beautifully is very important after a point. And what is the subtlest? The simplest is often the subtlest, which is to just remain like this, sitting in His light. Sitting, standing, whatever you say, because these are just words we have to use to make the point, but you have turned inwards.

Maybe a nice way to explain this is coming up. So Tulsidas Ji, once he went to the city of Vrindavan, you see? And Tulsidas Ji, of course, both Ram and Krishna are forms of Vishnu Himself, Narayan Himself, but Tulsidas Ji was deeply, deeply, deeply in love with the form of Ram. But when he went to Vrindavan, it was all about Krishna, Krishna. So at one point he was called to a temple and Krishna was there. The idol of Krishna was there with the flute and looking very beautiful. But he said—he threw a tantrum with God—he said, 'Now unless you show yourself to me with your bow and arrow as Ram, till then I will not bow down.' You see, we should not pick up this kind of thing, but it's a childlike tantrum of a sage who is saying that 'Till you show me yourself as Ram, I'm not bowing down, because nobody in this whole city says the name of Ram.' So then what happened is that God came to him, that murti got transformed with the form of Ram that he wanted to see. And even childlike tantrums of those who really love God are answered, you see, always.

So what is the message I'm trying to give you? That there is a temple in your heart. Suppose it doesn't seem apparent to you, then you stare at that place, not with your attention, but by remaining inwards. You see, you remain in that place which seems empty to you with the faith that God will come. Be okay, be happy to spend the rest of your life like that. Be happy to spend the rest of your life like that, whether you say it is Ram will come, Krishna will come, Devi will come, Jesus will come, Allah will come, God will show us a sign. Whatever your faith is, whatever your faith resonates with, have that faith that 'My temple, the altar in my heart, seems to be empty at this point, but I will remain facing it, head bowed down with faith that He is actually there but I can't see, and one day He will show me.' Do you feel like God will resist that kind of faith? He will come.

But we weaken in our faith very quickly because in the ways of the world, this is the silliest thing you can do. 'What are you doing?' But you notice that with this perspective, whether you're chanting the prayer, whether you're just communicating with God, or you're asking yourself 'Who am I really?', with this kind of inner faith and inward turning, it really blesses our spirituality. I don't want to say 'supercharges' because then that becomes an expectation, but it really blesses our spirituality. So you must remain antarmukhi in this way. And if a prayer helps you, use it. Don't be proud that 'I know another way.' It is better that if your inquiry helps you, use it. Don't say 'I just be open and empty, I don't need to inquire.' If remaining open and empty helps you, then use it. Don't get proud about some other path. No, you know in your heart what really helps you. There is no problem with any method as long as you use it with faith. Your intention is much more important than the method.

And once you turn inwards and He changes everything, you may turn inward saying 'Who am I? Who am I?' He'll quickly change that to—if that has to change—He may change that to 'Ram, Ram' or 'Jesus, Jesus.' Can't say. So we must never get stuck in our pride that only this way has to be it. Then it's not the discipleship of the Atma. Our approach only has to be that 'I am not going to leave You. Your Maya may trick me every day, but I'm not going to leave You. I may even be very weak and fall for these tricks of Maya and the mind, but I will keep coming back to You as fast as I can.' And all these holy paths are available to us. Use whatever resonates with your heart, whatever is working for you to remain there.

But it is important to be honest with yourself. Many times, you know what happens when we take the audience to be ourself also? That is a problem because we convince ourselves with a lot of foolishness. I don't know if I'm explaining this problem. You may be doing a lot of foolish things and convincing ourselves that this is about God, you see, because we just rationalized it. We said, 'Ah, this mentions God after every ten pages, so it must be about God.' Like that. But you know in your heart if you're doing it for yourself or for God. So the audience is not even the 'you' that you take yourself to be, the one that is a rational creature. The audience is God. What are you doing in His eyes? In the world, the world is very easy to fool. You wear the right clothes, you say the right things, you look a certain way—most people are fooled anyway. That doesn't help you; it only hurts you.

So this sense—go ahead—this sense that He is always with us and He's always watching us will keep us safe. So I'm sharing this, it may sound strange to all of you, but it is said that anyone who truly remembers Ram with love, prays to Him, is chanting His name, is reading the Ramacharitmanas, it is said by the sages themselves that Hanuman Ji is always with them. He comes to hear the Ram Katha, he comes to hear the chanting, the prayer to God. So as I heard this, I made a rule for myself that as I'm doing my prayer in the morning, as I'm reading the Ramacharitmanas in the morning, if I lose the sense that Hanuman Ji is with me, is watching me, then I will repeat that section. And you know how often it happens? Almost once in every section. I just make it about myself. How often it happens? It happens very often. So I end up repeating many times. I just forget that, you see? And what is the presence that you're experiencing? It's the Atma, whether you label it Hanuman Ji, Ram Ji. So you just do it like you're reading it for Hanuman Ji. So you do it, and whatever your faith is, you can do it like that. But when I have this sense, then I'm really into it, then I'm really... okay, I'm not going to make you all feel strange by telling you what... but just try this. Just try that you always have Him in your audience. God, any aspect of God, in your audience.

That's why it's very important to notice these things because we can become zombie even in reading of scripture. That's why it's important to have something which keeps us alive to it, alive to His presence in the process. And you won't do it halfhearted if you have the sense that He's with you, then you won't do it halfhearted. So these are useful tools, useful experiments of faith to help us deepen in our faith in God. But remember that both the force fields are always there.

God in your audience. That's why it's very important to notice these things, because we can become zombie even in reading of scripture. That's why it's important to have something which keeps us alive to it, alive to His presence in the process. And you won't do it halfhearted. If you have the sense that He's with you, then you won't do it halfhearted. So these are useful tools, useful experiments of faith to help us deepen in our faith in God. But remember that both the force fields are always in operation. So even in these experiments, we can become Mindy, we can become—we can get caught up in our own stories, can start hallucinating. So we have to be really careful in the guidance of the teacher so that we don't get caught up in our own narratives about these things. It's very important, the presence, no? Just read as if God is listening to your reading. You're reading it for Him, no? So just like He is the audience. So whether you say Hanuman Ji or Ram Ji or Jesus or Allah, whichever way, how would you read it otherwise? Notice that when we are just by ourselves reading, we can become a little bit, you know, like this. You just keep it like God is with you; He's here to listen to your Katha that you're chanting. Is it your prayer that you are praying? Then that gives a different aliveness to it.

Meaning when I'm reading the meaning, I'm not paying full attention to what is said. So I feel like I have to read like I read from the beginning, like that rule really helped me to say that I don't want to finish, Father. I want to just read the same page every day. I don't feel I'm even a bit—it's just like, okay, now I have to finish. It's like, you know, every word you have to be able to stop, you know? I feel like it's just not doing justice.

Just treat it like God has come to hear the Katha, then how would you sing it or how would you pray otherwise? Either way, you can trip yourself up in some way. It can become 'I want, I want.' So just make it about Him. And we are so blessed because the original is written by Tulsidas Ji, the translation is done by Hanuman Prasad Poddar Ji. So what else can we ask for in life? Everything is there. And you see, I don't know what point you reached, but as you go along, there are things which are so Ashtavakra, there are things which are so Yoga, you see. Shiv Ji heard, for example—I'm giving you an example, I'm not going to spoil too much of it because it's really beautiful and there's so many beautiful stories that come—but so Tulsidas Ji says that Shiv Ji heard the whole Katha of Ram. Then when he heard the whole Katha of Ram, this whole story of Ram, then he felt that he wants to go meet Him, huh? So then when he felt that he wants to go meet Him, at that point Ram was just leaving for His vanvas. So I read that and said, 'But he heard the whole Katha already,' you see? So but then he wanted to meet Him. And when he wanted to meet Him—and very simply Tulsidas Ji is saying these things—and he wanted to meet Him, then Ram was just going to go for His vanvas, His exile, you see? He said, 'Now how do I, you know, meet Him without making His true reality apparent to everyone? So I must dress up as a like a beggar or something and go and meet Him.' But this part itself, that he already heard the whole Ram Katha, the whole Ram story, and he wanted to meet Him, and at that point that he wanted to meet Him, Ram was just going to start going to His exile, isn't it so Yoga? Like how many—how meta is this story? You know, what is the levels within levels which are going on? And then so then that meeting itself becomes part of the Ram Katha, but you already heard the Ram Katha. So there's a very Yoga way to read it when you read it. Then there's also a very Ashtavakra way to read it because the way he talks about the Nirguna, the inexpressible, the ineffable, he just casually talks about it as if everybody knows this, that it's beyond thinking, it is beyond words, beyond objects.

So it's like a sage asks another sage—okay, I'm spoiling a bit too much for it, but I'm just—the second story, it is so sweet. He says, 'But that Absolute reality is beyond all perception.' Was it Bharadwaj Ji asking one of the—asking another sage? Yes, Bharadwaj was asking Yajnavalkya. That reality, His reality, is beyond perception, is ineffable, is beyond words, and you're saying that He is this man who is roaming around looking for his wife in grief? How can I—how can I reconcile this? And the same doubt then, Tulsidas Ji talks about Parvati Ma also having, and how God resolved these doubts. So beautiful. And he's talking from a sense of, you know who he is talking to, right? He's talking to all of us because we can have the exact same doubt. So in the garb of resolving it for the other sage, he is resolving it for us. That here we are talking about that Absolute reality which is ineffable, for whom all the universes are just nothing, and you are telling me that in this world He was here and He was grief-stricken when Sita Ji was taken from Him? How can it be? So in the garb of resolving it for the characters as sages in the story, Tulsidas Ji is actually helping us deal with our doubts because we can have the same doubts about God. It's very beautiful. So whether you're a Gyani, you're a Bhakta, you're a whichever branch of spirituality you think you follow, it's very beautiful. And that's true for all scripture: the Bhagavad Gita, the Bible, all that. So we must not just not let our pride get in the way. And these great Sages have a way of fixing it even 400 years later. It was written 400 years ago. He's given the Phal-shruti also when it is finished. In the—as you go along, you see, it's very good.

Just talking about having the faith, having the faith, how faith heals our mind. He keeps talking about the vishaya, which is what? Simply just the mind is obsessed with topics: this topic, that topic, this topic, that topic. All day we can keep thinking about topics. So the way to get healed from this obsession with topics is to come to faith, to come to devotion. Now, the topics come like this only. The topics will come like this in my—'Oh, this one told me like that, this one was like that.' These are topics. But until we don't turn from them, turn inward towards God, our life does not heal. Vikar is an aberration. Aberration in the sense of what is another—like a deformity. Topic, yeah. When—has anyone ever been able to resolve any topic about anything? Because it's impossible to conclude. For years we've talked about how these notions are just notions and how just these conclusions lead to more confusion. So it's all in this same thing. Today's—we used to say today's conclusions are tomorrow's confusion. So all these tools are there for us to come to the true discipleship of the Atma within. And you need patience, and many times it feels like you need courage because the world will tell you, your mind will tell you, that your life is passing you by. 'What are you up to? Make something of yourself, do something.' This pull of Maya is strong.

Okay, so what the sages do on the Bhakti path is first they recognize that this one—these ones are not going to leave their topics, their wishes. So let's make the topic God. Like I was telling one Swamiji that either remove that central character in your narrative completely, and if you can't remove that central character, then make it all about God. Make the central character God. So when we hear the words of the sages, oftentimes their attempt is also to make us change our approach from 'me, me, me' to 'God, God, God.' Then what happens when you turn inwards and you start to get a sense of the presence of Atma, the Holy Spirit within you? Then you start diving deeper and deeper into your heart. You will experience a love which is impossible to fathom. The human condition—the perfume of this love, the sweetness of it, is not at all to be found in any human way, in any human relationship. Maybe what comes closest is the relationship between Guru and disciple. You can experience this kind of—we can't even say feeling, but this love is nurturing, reassuring, and the blessing and the sweetest taste at the same time. It's all of these things. And you get reminded of home, your true home, when you sit inside this love. Like how a baby may be feeling a bit of fear and then it comes to the mother's embrace and drinks the milk. So for us in the human condition, when we go within our hearts in this way and the blessing of the Atma is on us, His blessing surrounds us with this Holy Love which carries the fragrance of home, pulls you so deep inside to a realm which you can't understand. And the world outside seems like just a television show happening somewhere.

So this love becomes a deep anchor then to your remaining inward facing. But the Spirit guides you that even this being bathed in this Holy Love is a cleaning up that is happening for you to have the eyes to see Him. It cleanses you from within and prepares you for that which is so beyond words and human understanding. The Holy Light of His presence is revealing itself to all of us, and in this Holy Light, all the lure of the world is fading. It's not alluring anymore. It cannot offer anything which comes close in taste, in being, in feeling. Here the fruits of self-knowledge—true self-knowledge, recognition of yourself as pure awareness, the birth of Consciousness within yourself, the light of holy presence, and the projected nature of this world—all become clear to you, apparent to you. But you're not grasping, you're not holding on, trying to remember. Just gone into His refuge and you're dissolving like salt in that holy water that He is. Remember that even after all of this, Maya will still keep appearing. The mind will still want to make you proud and take you away from His light, His love, His presence. He'll try to make everything about you again. That is why it is important moment to moment to let go of the false thought, to not obsess about 'me' all the time or none of the time. Don't fall for any self-concern. If you notice something that gets in your way, a blind spot, just drop it and move on. Don't dwell on anything. Don't waste time thinking about yourself too much. You fall and you get up.

Father, after watching episodes and Tulsidas Ji also, a lot of devotion and—I mean the temperament is again—I was even sharing with Mira today that it has been replaced because I was—I have sometimes some this independence streak, you know, that I can do by myself and all that. But there are times in the Bhakti path which I feel that—is it like a feeling? I'm unable to distinguish. Is it like a remembrance of God or is it a feeling of love with God? And is it okay to just stay with that feeling? So I'm like, Father, a bit unsure about this part particularly. So I wanted to really ask you. I hope I'm not in some kind of an illusion, something like that, you know? So I wanted to really—

You're saying it as if it's a bad thing. I'm sorry, it's a good thing. It's not a bad thing. And I recognize where this question is coming from. So that's why the reassurance for me is that it is your intention which is important. As long as your intention is to be with God, then even if you're seemingly doing something wrong—which it cannot be because your intention is taken care of—that, you see, if truly your intention is about Him and not about you, then it can never go wrong. It's just not possible.

I can see the difference when I use my own effort and do things as opposed to being under the discipleship of the Atma. There's this aliveness that I'm feeling, you know, with the presence and the guidance from God. Honestly, I can see very clearly. Otherwise, it's really about the zombie, you know, my own things. I define this, I have to do that, I have to do—but it doesn't have any like aliveness to it, you know?

Exactly, exactly. So the mind wants to make our spirituality also zombie spirituality. It wants to make it a dead spirituality by giving all the control to ourselves, you see, all the mechanism to ourselves. And that's why the other day we had a very long conversation about Grace, what Grace is and how it is actually beyond our understanding, but we all have a sense of it, you see. So sometimes in our sort of mechanical way...

Exactly, exactly. So the mind wants to make our spirituality also zombie spirituality. It wants to make it a dead spirituality by giving all the control to ourselves, you see, all the mechanism to ourselves. And that's why the other day we had a very long conversation about Grace—what Grace is and how it is actually beyond our understanding, but we all have a sense of it, you see. So sometimes in our sort of mechanical way of approaching spirituality, or a way of approaching spirituality without Spirit, without God, then it just becomes about, 'Oh, I'm doing this and I'm seeing this and I'm this and I'm that,' you see. But it's a very zombie spirituality because spirituality without Spirit is empty. What's a drink without water?

Very good. Keep yourself open to God's ways, and the way of His tutoring is quite different from the ways we are usually used to. If you keep yourself, like we've been talking about for a long time, keep yourself soft inside and don't harden yourself on any position, then you are the perfect fertile ground for His teaching. If you go to a teacher which was like the Atma, which is the all-knowing, all-intelligent one, you see, would you say, 'No, I want to study only math. For me, no, no, is this math? No? Then I'm not good.' The teacher, Atma, is trying to guide you about compassion, kindness. 'Oh, is this about who I am? Then no, no, I don't...' So don't close yourself up in any way. Don't decide your curriculum. And that can seem risky, meaning fear. Or the other way, the Atma is trying to introduce you to Atma, and you say, 'Is this about love? If it's not about love, then I don't...' So don't have a way. It knows the way. Don't fall for any position tricks either way. Just be soft in your heart. It doesn't mean like soft-hearted in the world; it sounds different. It's very courageous, actually, to be that open.

Why do we become closed? Because we are scared that what we think we know is nonsense. We don't want to hear like any other way, you know. You feel that we may have wasted all our time. But in the hands of the Atma, nothing goes to waste; you only reach deeper depths. Imagine earlier, more and more depth. No true insight can ever leave you. So what you're guarding is only conceptual. At one time, many years ago, I was reading the A Course in Miracles workbook, and it is promised in the Course in Miracles—at least I took it to be a promise—that you will come to the Holy Spirit. You will come to this, actually surprisingly the same thing, the discipleship of the Atma, you see. But at the end of the workbook, it says that the work is only beginning now. And most people who go through the workbook feel like that's not right, that's not good. 'I spent the whole year reading it and then it is just starting?' But we must not be scared of this.

Sometimes we get scared of it, that 'But I understood a particular way. I understood that this is how it is. Now it's something else only. I'm not even understanding what it is. What's going on?' One child at a time with me has become so complicated. 'What am I supposed to do also? I don't know.' One child will not look at a point to dream. It is not a loser, infantile openness. Because if this could be just templatized, then one book could be enough for all of humanity. The final way. Where is the faith needed in that? What is the devotion in that? So one thing can be said about the way, which is that it really brings us to our knees, really makes us surrender. And that is the most beautiful, most important.

Constant perplexity.

Yes, that's a very good way to put it. To me, it sounds like very good news. She said that you have to deal with this constant perplexity. But as you're dealing with a constant perplexity in your intellect, you see, you're deepening in your heart. That's literally what the Zen koans are. Their path is just to deal with the constant perplexity. I'm going to use this word often so that all our intellectual understanding, pride, all falls apart. Because if it could be rationalized, you never would be in faith. When we think we've come to steady ground, the ground is pulled from under our feet. And we feel like, 'I've come to steady ground now,' then again it's pulled from under. And we try to hide from it, we try to run from it. We can't escape because that's the ego's attempt at grasping Him, which is not possible. You can never get a handle on Him.

But what you said is very right. There's no escape. We have to come to the discipleship of the Atma within. Poker face. The Master Chef judges—any of you seen Master Chef? When they're judging a dish, they have a poker face so that the audience also doesn't know what the reaction is going to be. This is what is the Mahabharat, the clash of the fields. One is pulling you like that, one is pulling you like that. And at times it feels like you're getting stretched so much you don't know what's going on. God is felt so deeply, the mind is so fearful so deeply. Both things can seem to happen, you know, at a rapid rate of oscillation. One side has to win because this can't go on forever. I hope. I mean, it's very painful going on. We saw the story of The Chosen. Any of their lives didn't have pain? It is that pressure which molds the diamond.

Yeah, because that point also brings us to our knees. Same effect. When you see a, you know, when you recognize that it's the same thing. Like what I was reading in that book of discipleship, and then you see what the Pharisees were doing there and what the Brahmins were doing here. It's quite similar. And that's why, in a sense, God just had to come to show you that you can access me directly, you know, that you don't need all... So when I see like that, well, it's not that straightforward in the sense that you saw the movie about Saint Nektarios? Man of God. So people created a perspective based on what they heard, and when he gave his first sermon in that tiny island, they called him a Pharisee. They called him the same thing. So who can tell? We have to be guided by our heart in these things. Of course, most of them got caught up in pride and all of those things, but there was also Nicodemus in the Sanhedrin. There was also Nicodemus who was so beautiful.

Really, not my question. The question was that should one indulge in that kind of a comparative thing or just leave it be? You know what I'm saying? If it's something like that, I was just looking at it because I was reading that where it said the righteousness of Christ and why the law was like... why the Pharisees made the law more important than God Himself. And the only one who really followed the law was Jesus, and therefore he could say the law to somebody else. I mean, that he could change the law or guide you towards that law. And then it reminded me of something which you had said. Okay, so these comparative things which just come in my head, and I'm asking if I should just like... Like in Lord Ram, he just followed that Dharma completely. I'm not comparing him to the Pharisees, but I'm saying in one incarnation he did that, and in the next incarnation he became like Krishna said, he made the law because he could see what was more necessary at that moment rather than like how the Pharisees just went on with the law and didn't really think of how it was for some of the ones who they were teaching it to. They didn't care about that; they were more concerned about that law. So the question was, something like that happens, and then can you just let it go because is it really relevant to anything?

As long as it's about us, in the sense that we notice our nature to become a Pharisee, we notice how we can be a true Bhakta versus a Pharisee. Not to apply it outwardly. That's really just everything. I see that teaching without really knowing, you can't preach if you don't do that. If we have you, because you tell us, you wouldn't tell us to... of course, because that would be like the complaint was of hypocrisy, lack of integrity. So that can just be following something forcefully. Love being alive to that situation, yeah. And then in that way, it is following by letter and not by Spirit. Literally, in this case, you're just following the letter but not the spirit of it. And Jesus also gave many examples, like Krishna. He ate the bread of the priest, not supposed to. He said, 'If you can't feed the hungry, then what is this law for?'

What is this distance of a thought? What is the distance of a thought? It is when you... it's actually the distance of a belief. Like a thought proposes, so suppose that you're reading a story and in that you hear a notion that the lion went to Sri Lanka. And he was actually in Rajasthan, but he went to Sri Lanka. In that thought, we covered the distance, but in actuality, no distance was covered, isn't it? So in the same way, when we believe 'I am this, I am like that,' you see, we take a position. We cover a notional distance, a conceptual idea, but actually I am not any of that, is it? So the context in which it is used, when it is said that the distance between reality and separation, or truth and Maya, or light and darkness, is just the distance of a thought, is that same thought which is 'I am something.' So you go from 'I am,' which is unchanging, unmoving reality, to 'I am something.' So you've covered this notion, you've covered the distance of this thought which has brought you to illusion. And believing this thought, we continue to be in that illusion, in the dream that I am a separate individual.

It kind of creates an illusion that I am separate. That's why we start seeking for a way home. And the thing is that even the teaching which hopes to bring us home is also shared initially conceptually before it is met in the heart. So we have to be careful not to travel the distance of those thoughts also. Ultimately, even those have to be let go of. That's why I keep saying that it's provisional, it's provisional. So the poison is the belief in the thought. But because we are so attached to belief, living in thoughts, then other thoughts are offered so that we move away from that initial set of positions. But we have to be careful not to make new positions out of these. Otherwise, we can become like we covered the distance of these thoughts. The new thought can be formed that way or believed in that way. This is Avidya, that is believing something. The belief itself. Like if you believe you're in Sri Lanka, then that's ignorance. Gyan is realizing that we are in Rajasthan. Gyan is realizing that which is intuitive. In this example, before we go to the reading, let's take the question. Let's go to K.

Hello, Father.

Hello.

I just put myself in front of you because I was a bit unfocused today during Satsang, and I noted it actually helps to put my hand up because then I center myself.

Yes, I'm going to give a pop quiz on what was said in today's Satsang. What were the main points?

I... it was not about not hearing you mentally or not remembering the points. It was more I could see my mind roaming in a different direction. And maybe it's good because you asked this, because you know how you say that pride is the most enemy of the Self? Yes. And initially, when I asked myself what is pride and what it is, I think I didn't even want to recognize what it is, you know. And then a sister today, we were sitting together and she said, 'Oh, you know, she's very humble and very sweet,' and she said, 'Oh, I feel to ask this question,' and she asked me about pride. I was like, 'Oh!' And I actually said to her, 'I wouldn't have thought you would ask about that because I see you so humble.' And I said, 'It's actually my own question.' So I was happy she brought it up. And I think that the reflection, the thing I want to expose, is where my mind was going when you and the Sangha were talking about God. It was in something like that is developing pride in me and some sort of 'I want to prove myself as this student of Guruji' and I don't...

I actually said to her, 'I wouldn't have thought you would ask about that because I see you so humble.' And I said, 'It's actually my own question.' So I was happy she brought it up. And I think that the reflection, the thing I want to expose, is where my mind was going when you and the Sana were talking about God. It was in something like that is developing pride in me and some sort of I want to prove myself as this student of Guruji. And I don't know how to get out of that shape. I'm seeking your blessing.

Well, that's very Zen what you said. That's very Zen what you said because on one hand you say that the pride is about becoming, about being a good student of Guruji, and on the other hand you say, 'But I don't know how to get out of that shape.' You see the Zen-ness of that? Because Guruji's whole pointing is about how to get out of the shape. Yeah? The good student and the not knowing how to get out of the shape don't go together. True?

Yeah, maybe I don't have the strength yet to go out. I see it still coming.

Then we can't be proud about being a good student yet. Yeah, never, never. You see that our mind's positions are just so fragile actually. If you just look at them from a distance and just say, 'Okay, so what is the position? I'm getting proud of something, but I noticed something which is the exact opposite of that.' So then pride has to fall. There's no room for it to stay. So whether we offer it up to God devotionally or we just look at it just from a higher perspective, there's no room for anything, any specialness about any of us. He is not living room for any specialness.

So, a few years ago I was watching a bit of football and I was following my team, which was Liverpool at that time. So there was a goalkeeper. So he said that, 'I am definitely one of the best goalkeepers in the world.' He said like that. So his coach, which was Jurgen Klopp, said, 'Oh, he said like that? Actually, it's better if the others see it.' He's saying it really doesn't count so much. Yeah? So it's not what he really... it's actually in spirituality, it's not even about what others say. It's really about the audience of one. Am I being pleasing to His eyes? And how to tell whether I'm being pleasing to His eyes? He shows us in our heart.

Sorry, what did you say last?

Yes, how to know whether I'm being pleasing? I'm being pleasing to His eyes; He shows us in our heart. Our heart tells us. Yeah? So the instant you come into contact with pride, or any of us come into contact with pride, the heart becomes distant. It becomes disconnected. Yes. So don't risk the disconnection in your heart at any cost. Yeah? And it doesn't matter if it's like apparent happiness in the head or suffering, the same.

So in this Holy Scripture we've been reading, Ramacharitmanas, it says that most of us are like those animals who look at the mirage in the sand and take it to be water and keep chasing that, whereas the true water is within ourself. Yeah? This offer of happiness that comes from the world, which is lawyered by the mind, is just a mirage. It has no actual substance. Yeah? And what will happen if the world gives you the certificate? No? Suppose that all of us who are just sitting in Satsang today together say to you, 'Yes, you are the true disciple of Guruji, the one true student.' So what will happen? Nothing. Nothing will happen because what is important is what God is showing you in your heart. It doesn't matter if the whole world is full of great things to say about you, because the same great things everyone says today become the most terrible things tomorrow. And if you get attached to these positions, then it becomes too painful to live this life because the same people's opinions go like this, up and down, always. Doesn't matter.

I'm very grateful for what you're sharing, Father. Very, very.

Then be humble. So just like that, embrace this humility in your heart. If pride is coming, then you can just read the prayer of the beggar servant. You know, if it feels like an attack on you, you see, then you know that you're getting stuck in some pride. If it feels like the story of our lives and then acceptance, or holy acceptance from within, that means in the eyes of the world I remain a beggar servant. Not even that. All that is important is His eyes. All that is important is what He's showing me in my heart. Yeah. Amen.

I'm still struggling, you know, like because you said something important like read the prayer, but also if you feel attacked that is pride. And I still see this attacks also in the world. I perceive them as attacks and I sense this. And I think you studied this today about maybe, or the previous one, about correcting or not and getting irritated or not. And yeah, I have plenty of opportunity to...

Yes, all of us, all of us too. And I'm working on it also. So, but I noticed that so clearly, more clearly now than I did before, that this sense of irritation always comes from pride thinking that I know better. Yeah? So maybe a simple way to look at all of spirituality is to say that I'm going to stand in front of His presence. I'm going to be in my altar, heart altar, and anything that gets in the way of that, we must let go of. Anything that gets in the way of that, I must let go of. There's no reason to evaluate it. There's nothing to think about it because if it gets in the way of my being with God, you must leave it and just keep checking within constantly. Turn inwards, like I said.

So to help you, if I was to say the main point of today's Satsang, I feel is that: turn inwards, silently remain in His presence. Like the snake eating its own tail, we will dissolve into His presence, into His light. Like a mirror folded and looking at itself finds that which is beyond words. So in this way you can get a sense of when I'm getting caught up in this, in my anger, in my seeking pleasure, in my any temptation, in my lies, in my exaggeration and all of these things, what happens to my inner temple, heart temple? Am I in Darshan or am I at least waiting patiently in Darshan, or have I gone on some other adventure? That is the crucial point.

If you can make our whole life about this, then we are always in Satsang. You were there in the Satsang where I shared about the difference between Satsang and bad company. It is not just people. It is not just the people around us. Satsang is to be in His holy presence and to be with that which enables that holy presence, which amplifies our ability to remain in that holy presence. So kindness, compassion, love, faith, humility, truthfulness, you see, all of these things, gratitude. There are so many beautiful flowers we can offer at His holy feet in our heart. But instead, when we go with pride, when we go with wanting to be seen, when we go with making our own name about something, when we go with these kind of things, then we are turning outwards instead of inwards. Because anyone who is truly turning inwards cannot focus on any of this. And what I'm saying is moment to moment. It is not a judgment we can make about our life, but in this moment, what is in my focus? What is my intention? And my intention will lead to my focus.

Thank you so much. Bless you and thank you.

Thank you, and thank you for beautiful chanting. So lifting. Yes, we are going to start that soon. Let me quickly check on what everyone is asking. Thank you. Let's go to Clarissa.

Hello, can you hear me?

Yes, I can. Thank you for picking me up.

All I heard what you said about pride and false understanding and that it's when I feel hurt then it's pride through someone else. And I recognized that it's the pain of the other one I'm taking. Pride is the contrary of humility.

Yes, exactly. So I was saying that I noticed in myself that if I get irritated, that means that I'm proud about something because irritation means that this notion that I know better and they should be following my way, instead of being humble and seeing whether they are showing me something which I can learn from.

I couldn't understand the last words.

Yes, I was saying that pride means that we think that we know better or we do something better. So if someone comes into Satsang and starts shouting something and I get irritated because I have an idea that Satsang should only be like this, it should not be like that, you see, then in that moment I'm proud of my knowledge of knowing something better than my brother or sister. You see? But to have that openness and say, 'Okay, now is there something that makes what they're doing valid? Is there something that I can learn from this situation that would make me humble again?' And of course, after that, whatever sense we have in our heart, we can express that truthfully. Humility doesn't mean that we lie and we just put ourselves down, but humility means there's openness of wanting to learn at least as much as wanting to share or teach. You see? So these are all lessons that I'm working on for myself.

There's something, sometimes such a force to go in this direction and I can see it and then I can also see that I'm already in it.

This is the force of Maya. This is the power of Maya. It has... so we just have to keep turning back inwards to God's presence, to the intuition about our true Self, intuitive insight. All this will help us deepen in our love, deepen in our humility. We can't do any of this by ourselves. You know, I want everyone to hear that aspect also. None of us can do this by ourselves. We have to rely on the Atma within, the Holy Spirit within. It is the best teacher. We are so blessed to have God's presence guiding us. But our pride doesn't want that. Our pride wants to know the solution, wants to know the answer. But no answer like that actually exists. That guidance is needed moment to moment.

And I recognize that I'm very rich in seeing. And can you please open the seeing more up and that I go more inwards and that I have the strength to stay inwards also in company with others?

Leave it. Okay. Thank you.

Thank you. Can I also ask for blessings for my father because he's very weak? His name is Wolf Gang.

Wolf Gang. Yes, yes. Wolf Gang. We pronounce it differently, but I got the name. I feel Wolf Gang. Like Mozart?

Yes, Mozart's first name. The same one. Yes. Wolf is the first name.

Yes. Thank you. Thank you very much. Let's go to Shast. Father, Pranam. Thank you. Thank you for that. Just want to make sure that you're seeing everything. Thank you. Okay, let's go to Atma.

I hear myself. Oh, it's better like this. I must change something because my sound was so bad on my computer. I have two machines at the same time; it's a bit complicated. Sorry, just reactivating. Okay, so I can hear you also. Yes, I'm very grateful for this contemplation today. Somehow everything is being very clearly seen. But I feel too, it's always... Satsang is always a celebration also just to... I feel just to resonate, to bring some resonance to what is happening here. I see what brings... what actually slowly feels more and more the goal is to find and not to leave the natural joy of awareness because awareness is innocent. And when I pretend to know, there is no joy. And to discern between this joy and the pride is really so, so central. Because in the pride there is fear. In the pride is fear. And I see it more and more. And this is bitter actually. It is bitter. It is not the sweetness you've talked about so beautifully. At some moment you talked about this deepening. And of course we cannot be... we are not statues, spiritual statues. We have to live the daily life and we will be pulled in all directions. And so to be rooted in this...

It's really so, so, so central because in the pride there is fear. In the pride sphere, and then I see it more and more. And this is bitter, actually. It is bitter. It is not the sweetness you've talked about so beautifully. At some moment you talked about this deepening, and of course we cannot be like statues—spiritual statues. We have to live the daily life and we will be pulled in all directions. And so, to be rooted in this joy has to be in contemplation first, and then to be joyfully exposed to being lost in the so-called real life when we have challenges, relational challenges, when we pretend to help somebody and they are resisting or something like that. Yes, and we know better what he needs. It recently happened to me and it was very, very, very, very bitter. Yes, because I saw myself really angry. But also, it was on the other hand joyful because I could catch myself. I could see the bitterness and the suffering which was in that state, and I could look for help also. I called a sister from this satsang and what I was already contemplating was: could sweetness be shared together? And this is really the grace of the satsang, of being together in satsang, because what I could do a bit on my own was really transformed in the sharing. And this is what we are always doing with you also. Yes, I just... that's what I call celebrating. Thank you so much.

Good. Thank you. Thank you. Let's go to Sam. Very good. Can you all hear me well when I'm speaking like this as well? Yes? I can hear someone saying no, it's a little bit low. But with my headphones it's very good, but without headphones it's low. Yeah, I'll speak up because it would be just wonderful for me if all of you could hear me well when I'm usually talking like I am. Okay, she is helping me. Okay, let's see. I'll speak up a bit but I don't know.

You're good, you're good. I'm beyond good, Father. I'm beyond good. And it was easy to speak when everything seems real. I don't know what these things mean, but as if I just wanted to... what I'm experiencing, I just somehow wanted to come in front of you. I don't know how to speak about this, Father.

Yes, yes. I don't know what you are specifically saying, but in this movement, the words are light. More and more, we don't know many times what is happening, whether something is happening. And other times it feels so, so beautiful. It seems so heartfelt, so loving. And other times we don't know anything; we are not able to put words to anything. But the sense I have in my heart is that you're growing really well. Just keep at it.

Father, I don't know. Maybe I just want to... I don't know, like, not even offering a gratitude. I don't have words to speak about what I'm experiencing. Just, I don't know, Father.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 'I don't know' is very good. It's very good because we don't know in our heads, but we know in our hearts. Is there a sense in your heart that everything is so good?

It's beyond good, Father. That's very good. It's... I don't know what kind of Grace had me. It's just... it does not come to an end. If I may say this, this is coming to my heart recently because with you I can speak to God. And I just want to say to God that I love you so much. Not even so much, just I love you very, very, very much.

God always hears us, my dear. Always hears us. Bless you.

I'm sorry I could not express what is in my heart properly, but maybe it's okay for now. Yeah, it's okay. More than 'I'm sorry,' I wish I could express it, but just so much beauty. I don't know. I cannot, Father. I wish I could share. Yeah, just thank you. Thank you for this gift. May it just continue to be here. I don't know... may it not come to an end. I don't know. I shall shut up. Bless you.

Thank you. Actually, I remembered it's Friday's satsang, but I saw only one hand up, so I left only five minutes for that question. Let's... at 7:50 we can do a bit of maybe just one doha or something just to make sure we don't break the flow. But let's hear Aniko.

And thank you, Ananta Ji. I don't really have a question now. I just came up... you said we need to dissolve like salt in the holy water. And always when I come up and be with you like this, I always feel this melting in your holy presence. And I don't know... whenever I just... this opportunity to be with you, it's just the most beautiful in my life. Full love, full blessings.

Very good, very good. I'm completely losing my voice now, but I hope you can hear. I'm sending all my love, all my blessings. Thank you. Let's go to Sat.

Namaste, my dear. Namaste. Can you hear me? Thank you for giving me this opportunity to talk with you. You know, there's a seeing more and more, in a way, that at the root of everything is this sense of being a doer. At the root of it, it's this cancer of being a doer. And my heart feels this love which you are shining, this I-amness. And this one which is the doer thinks itself that it has this body and it has done these things and that thing. And so, I'm kind of in a place right now where my efforts are limited. You understand what I'm saying? Yes, there's a looking over and over again and there's not a trace of the doer, but still it's there. And this one cannot get rid of it because it's limited. So I need that Grace. So that's why I am here before you.

Very good, very good, very good. Thank you for your presence. And though I sometimes don't turn up, you are in my heart and this love I feel as well. It's this... like there was a time now, since last two weeks, there has been such a pull to understand Francis Lucille. There's a guy called Francis Lucille. And so something got hooked on to there, and the simple question: 'If I am aware?' And the answer is yes, I am aware. And there's Consciousness and looking from different angles. But there's something which, as I said, the efforts are limited.

You're right to pray for Grace. You're right to pray for Grace because only through Grace can this happen. So whatever limited efforts we think we have power over, we can continue to put them, but we must also put our faith in Grace and rely on Grace.

Yeah. And there's a... like from nowhere today, I'm just doing my thing as whatever I do, and there's a memory which came. I'm probably four years old and I'm sitting at the back of my dad's scooter. The family... my mom is sitting in between, and my dad had a Lambretta. And normally when he would drive, he would curse the roads and abuse. And there was a memory like I'm sitting at the stepney at the back, and I remember that there was this presence which was not judging him. It was just there. Like I felt that little boy, that it had nothing to do with anything. And it's still here, that presence. But this doer... if you look for it, I don't find anyone there, but still, as I am saying that, there's something which wants to dissolve and be one. I'm not able to put words to that, Ananta. You know what I'm saying?

I feel you. Yes, yes. We've spoken about this today also, where in this achintya, which is the unfathomable distinction and yet non-distinction, is the spiritual path. Where we can say that the snake is eating its own tail. Whose Grace is on whom? Who is abiding as the Self? As Bhagavan said, we must abide as the Self. Who is keeping quiet, as Papaji said? Who is remaining with the 'I am,' as Maharaj said? Who is not identifying, as Guruji says? This mystery we cannot resolve because the achintya part, the unfathomable part of this distinction and yet non-distinction, we can never truly understand. And that is why, in the same way that we can ask 'Who is the doer?', if you get attached to the notion that 'I am not the doer,' then we can also ask 'Who is not the doer?' This 'I' who is not the doer. And then that leads us to just a deeper intuitive insight which our mind cannot grasp. So just remain in your prayer, remain in your inquiry, keep contemplating like you are. Then you become more reliant on what your heart is pointing to, which is beyond words. Thank you so much for your presence.

Thank you. Let's go to Slavic. Hello. Hi. I'm filled with immense fear and anxiety and I just I don't know what to do to let go. I feel like I can't let go of it.

For how long? How long has it been like this?

All my life.

I see. So can you just tell me what is being perceived right now that confirms this state for you?

Just the sensation and this rush of energy.

Yes. So there's a set of sensations you're feeling, maybe some contractive sort of energy. Now you said something very interesting. You said, 'I'm filled with it.' Now, does your perception confirm that you are filled with it? Like, is this contractive energy, this fearful state, these sensations—are they really filling you up fully, or is that an interpretation which your mind is making?

Interpretation.

Interpretation. Okay. So can you find a space within yourself, maybe deeper in your heart, where this sensation, this fear, can never go in, can never wander into that place?

It seems hard.

Don't worry. Take your time. And if that seems hard, then just notice that these sensations are also happening in a space, isn't it? Like a space of being, a space within yourself is where these sensations are playing out.

Yes.

Now, is this space actually affected in any way by these sensations?

The space isn't.

The space isn't. So if the space of your being isn't actually affected by these sensations, then can you find the one who actually is?

Can't find such a one.

So if I was to say, and you were to answer intuitively—if I was to say that the one who is affected is a construct of your mind, then what would you say?

Nothing.

So we can keep exploring whether, if this space is actually unaffected by whatever the sensation may be—even if it is joy, it is unaffected by it—then who is the one that really is fearful, is anxious? Or is it just a play of the sensations of fear and anxiety that we are taking onto that which... whom? The one who actually doesn't exist, and we are taking ourselves to be that one. If the space of your being is unaffected by the sensations, then how could these sensations affect you? That who is the witness of all of this, see? And if there's an expectation that the sensation should go away as a result of your inquiry, then don't expect that byproduct. Just check: in what way are these sensations, which are appearing in my infinite space, in the space which is limitless—in what way are these sensations affecting me? Where are you in relation to these sensations? Are you close to them? Are you far from them? What can you see?

It feels like oscillating. Sometimes far, sometimes close.

Yes. But what is your actual insight right now? What are you perceiving? What can you confirm?

Emptiness.

Yeah. And who is witnessing this emptiness?

I don't know.

Is it not you? And if it is not you, then how are you getting this information? And you can check also whether the witness, the witnessing, actually is affected by any sensation that appears. Would you say that the sensations are aware of themselves?

No.

No. And yet you are aware of these sensations. But this 'you,' you cannot perceive, but intuitively you know this. Have you been attracted to the inquiry before, and to find out who you are? Is this your first exposure?

No, for a while. I have been inquiring for a while.

So then maybe we can take it a step further. I can ask you whether you can deny the fact that it is you that is witnessing all of these perceptions, isn't it? But this 'you,' can you tell me its color, shape, size, anything? So that which has no attributes, no qualities, can it experience?

You cannot perceive, but intuitively you know this. So, have you been attracted to the inquiry before? To find out who you are, is this your first exposure? No? That's... for a while, you have been inquiring for a while. So then maybe we can take it a step further. I can ask you whether you can deny the fact that it is you that is witnessing all of these perceptions, isn't it? But this 'you,' can you tell me its color, shape, size, anything? So, that which has no attributes, no qualities, can it experience or get caught up in fear or anxiety? It can't, you see. So then who can, or who is getting caught up in fear and anxiety? Some made-up fictional ghost. Exactly, exactly right, you see. So you don't want to spend the rest of your life as if you are that one, isn't it? So use this question: 'Who am I?' And whenever the mind tries to trick you and convince you that you are that fearful ghost, as you called it, then just ask yourself: 'Am I aware? Who am I?' And notice that as awareness, nothing actually touches you, nothing hurts you. Thank you, and feel free to report back anytime you want to. I'm happy to see where this goes, this inquiry of yours. Namaste, Namaste.

Okay, let's go to Yanic.

Hello, hello. Can you hear me? Yes, yes. My... I would like to say that, like, I'm really fed up of this, like, hiding and stuff. This display I'm making in satsang, because I have a love for you. But I also have, like, some memories of the previous... sometimes my past path with other teachers. Yes, and I also have—and I must admit, also put everything up front to you now—that I feel I seek this, like, guru-said, in sometimes uniqueness, or maybe making it about myself, this journey. Like, yeah. Yes, but today in satsang, it is very much more clear. Maybe now that the pride is not so fat, like that, not so fat, but like... I don't know what to say. I can only say thank you very much. But I don't want to be like hiding in front of you because I'm getting so much encouragement from these satsangs. Like, so much good food is coming from... and I really, I really don't know. I don't want to make it about you, like you said, but I don't know how you do it, that you can like disappear in all of that. Like, you can not make it about yourself. And like, I don't know how you do it.

Yes, my child, because one thing is very clear to me is that I cannot make it about God and myself at the same time. And if I make my life about myself, then I'll waste the opportunity to make it truly about God. So truly, I'm learning a little bit every day, a little bit, to make it about God and everything.

Do you have any tips you could give for... like, at the moment I don't feel it, perhaps it's somewhere in the background still, some subtle pride or something. But I have this... I don't want to be like... I wish I have this... I read a few books sometimes. The mind beats me up, beats me that, like, it wants to be so correct. Like, 'You must follow only this master or that master,' making these unnecessary, unnecessary things.

Yes, it's not necessary. You can trust your heart. If you feel when you go to a satsang you feel deeply immersed in your heart, you feel His presence stronger, then every satsang is the same. It is all... satsangs in the outer world are meant to bring us to our inner satsang, which is over there, you see. But be true to that in your heart. So if you feel like going to any satsang brings you to a deeper insight, a deeper love in your heart, then that is the same satsang, actually.

Because I guess, like, there is... usually, if I may say just a few words, yeah. Like next week, this Polish teacher—yeah, maybe you even know her, but doesn't matter—but she's organizing online a few days, maybe one or two, three days, which I used to attend in the past. Like, in the past I would attend like online webinars. Yes, and like... but don't be... but I guess it will be the same topics. It will be the same. There is no conflict, I think. The same topics about shame, about... because sometimes I get this 'shish' attitude and this smallness, but this fake smallness. Like, even I want to admit that I love God, but I don't know, maybe to people it's not a good idea. Like, where should I go? By myself by the river, go somewhere and try to sing some small song or something? I don't know. Okay, I think it's... I just wanted to say hello. That's hello. I'm still here in satsang only, I want to say, and I will try to continue with this.

You can follow your heart about this. And this teacher that you mentioned, I've had the pleasure of meeting her a few times, so... but I haven't really heard her sharing or satsang, so I can't really comment on that. But just go with your heart, and if it is guiding you this way, then there's no problem at all. There's no problem at all.

Unless I start making some projects about the future. Because sometimes I put it to the future because she also organizes some retreats, and then of course that comes... making money. So it's also like the God's will goes out of the window, right?

Maybe I have nobody to really speak on another teacher at all, because truly when I look around, I don't find... I feel like I am the most foolish one. So how can the most foolish one really comment on what others are doing and what is their way? And I find that this foolishness really helps me because then it makes me so reliant on what my heart is guiding me moment to moment that I just have to follow its pointing, its guidance. So just trust that and don't try to add a layer on top of that and say, 'Okay, my heart is saying this, but I also think like that,' you see? Then you'll get all confused and muddled up. So just keep it as pure as you can and allow your actions to just flow from there. And if you allow your actions to be truly flowing from the love of God, from wanting to be in His presence, wanting to serve Him or come to the real truth of who you are, then you can't really get stuck in any wrong place because the purity of your intention will take care of everything.

Don't... I don't know. I want to, I want to, I want to just like... I tried this Psalm that Kaa mentioned last time, Psalm 51. Yeah, I mean, you mentioned this inside. Yeah, I tried, but I feel like I will try to use this advice that, like, recognize when the mind is praying, like also like when it's not so... like try to use this tool that you said today about trying to feel God in front of me and really... so I maybe... yes, I know that it will come up and again, I guess. But thank you so much. Thank you so much for the ability to say thank you so much, and bless you.

Bless you always. Thank you.