Suffering Is To Be Closed, To Resist; Open and Empty Is the Absence of Suffering - 12th April 2021

Now, for the important stuff, presumably important stuff, you see, like your very existence or the existence of this play, is that dependent on your thinking? Now, independent of your mind, is everything not functioning? And again, I'm talking about the small mind. Yes, independent of your conceptualizing, independent of your judgment, independent of your notions, is everything not in the light of natural existence continuing to play? So human arrogance or mental arrogance is to presume that I can add to God in natural existence, add to beingness with my value-added ideas. And what happened then? We all know. Most of us have experienced that enough, and we come to satsang after that.

And even if what I'm proposing to you is not true, even if it's like, 'Okay, but my life is going to be a mess if I let go, if I remain open and empty,' it's worth at least some experimentation. We've tried it the other way for long enough—30, 40, 50, 60 years, you see. So at least for a few weeks we can try, a few days we can try, and then you will find, I guarantee you, that in your natural openness, in your emptiness, there is a supreme natural intelligence which continues to move whatever needs to be moved in this waking state. But you remain, you see, the same as what you are in the sleep state. That doesn't mean you're like sleeping and letting the world pass by; that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that you remain undisturbed, unshaken with the content of what may be appearing, and unshaken and undisturbed with the content of what may be appearing in this very body which you call 'me.' Even that you are independent of now.

You may say, 'Okay fine, I cannot suffer this way if I'm open and empty.' Suffering is to be closed, is to resist. Open and empty is the absence of suffering. But what about God? 'I came to spirituality to find God.' In when you are open and empty, that which you are looking for, whether you call it God or the Absolute, is completely apparent to you. Not as a distinct entity away from you, not even as yourself beyond any of these considerations, you see. So open and empty is worth it because not only the recognition that you're looking for is fully available, but also the worldly struggle, problem, resistance, conditioning—we are empty of all of that. And if you did not want anything out of this, if you do not want anything out of this, then you will not get confused again. So confusion is deeply linked to misidentification. In fact, the basis of all confusion is only who we are, who we think we are, and it is deeply linked to what we want. Okay, let's go to Nupur. Are you watching? Are we wearing the same clothes? Matching my channel?

Yes, Father, I thought so. Namaste. Um, for the last, just a little report which I thought I'll share with you, the last couple of weeks the body has been going through some discomfort and the attachment and the fear became very apparent. Something that was not even in my awareness, that you know, this is the attachment to this form was so deep, and the fear around discomfort, illness. And it was very unsettling, Father, because that just came so big that it kind of eclipsed, apparently eclipsed the awareness, and staying empty and open became a struggle at that point in time, which had never been the experience. And um, and it was a bit disappointing to the cells that is searching because it was like a report card of failure, that, 'Oh, you have failed and you are, you have failed not only yourself, you failed your Guru, your Master, you failed your Father.' And you know, this, the mind tricks. Mind had a field day and it was, yeah, it was just gradually, Father, that's what I wanted to expose to you even on Friday satsang, but I thought I'd give it another couple of days to observe and just to be in awareness of this. And it has come down, Father, but I just wanted to like really surrender this because sometimes I feel that these things are too big battles for me to fight, you know? I don't want to fight them, I just want to surrender because you know, it's just, it's just at the feet of the Master and the Father. That's what I felt, that you know, how it's like playing ping-pong all the time. Sometimes this thing comes up, I mean, how long, Father? So I just feel that somewhere that rootedness needs to happen and that I, I was beautifully rooted and then this came and this rocked my boat and just, so I just wanted to share that, Father, with you and you know.

Okay, thank you. Thank you for that report. And I want to point out to you, maybe you've heard me say this before, but what happens for all of us in spirituality, if the regular people in the world who are not into satsang and this kind of satsang, then the mind gives them a jab, then another jab, you see. But in our case, it becomes a one-two punch, one-two punch combo. And the second one is usually the knockout punch. So what happens is that the first one is what the normal people can go through. If they're feeling ill, then they can go through some fear about losing the body. 'I'm too young, I don't want to die,' whatever, whatever the message around that can be, you see. And that's very natural for most of humanity. And of course, coming to satsang, we feel like we can become a bit open, more empty, and these things can come more and more. But this second idea, this idea which I just said, can actually become the two-punch, you see, the knockout punch, which is saying that, 'Oh, but now I've been in satsang this long, I've been with Father, I've been studying this, I've had so many experiences, I should be through this by now. I should be over this by now,' you see.

And mostly it is this kind of the second punch which is much more oppressive because it is saying that, 'No, I should not,' you see. What is the point of my spiritual growth if even now this mere illness can come and shake me? I should be the unborn and deathless, yes? So what is happening? What has happened in this is that that which does not belong to the 'me' has been attributed to the 'me,' you see. So your insights are true, but they did not belong to you in the sense that the one who then should be over this, you see, who would that one be? You see, what you are discovering is not something in time and space, not something which makes progress or regress, none of that. So it is coming to that self-recognition, but that does not help the non-existent one, you see.

So if we want to insert that—so I keep saying that whatever the narrative may be, once we want to insert the Self or God in that narrative, then that itself will start poking us because we don't realize, but that itself is the spiritual ego, you see. God in your narrative is spiritual ego, you see. We may not see it, you see, and that's why, and sometimes we feel like very attached to that, you see. And that's why when sometimes I want to chop it away, there can be some like, 'Oh, you see what this is? This is the only meaningful thing I've had in my life,' or something like this can come, you see. But remember that God inserted in your narrative is no longer God; it is spiritual ego, yes? So now, now the one who should be over this by now, is it God or is it me?

It's the false self. It's that self.

Yeah, exactly. So don't suffer from, firstly, don't suffer from anything that regular people would not suffer from, which is the second punch. They say, 'Okay, illness came, I felt some fear.' Okay, we feel that, no? And in the human condition, we feel that. At least don't add to it with spiritual problems, right? Saying, 'Well, I've had this and then you know,' and then to like very strong things, you know, like things like, 'I'm letting Father down, I'm letting God down.' You cannot do anything at all to let me down, firstly, you see. So I don't have these benchmarks about you. Tomorrow I might wake up with a fever and start worrying, okay? So don't worry.

No, Father, God forbid, no.

Yeah, I mean anything that plagues the human condition, you see, then that can plague the human condition too. Of course, we are being pointed to those things where we can remain open and we can remain empty and um, but the thing is that if those pointers become benchmarks, then they can increase the suffering instead of reducing it, you see. So what would my advice be? My advice would be that in those moments—and I was just sharing with somebody else the same thing today—that in the moment that we are caught up, we are caught up anyway, you see. Leave them. So in the moments that you are not caught up, to think about those moments again and to say, 'That should not happen,' and to paint our own picture back to being the limited 'me' and using all our spiritual progress and all of that to make that painting.

And instead of reducing it, you see, so what would my advice be? My advice would be that in those moments—and I was just sharing with somebody else the same thing today—that in the moment that we are caught up, we are caught up anyway, you see. Leave them. So, in the moments that you are not caught up, to think about those moments again and to say that should not happen, and to paint our own picture back to being the limited me and using all our spiritual progress and all of that to make that painting more intricate, is not helpful, you see. Because in the moments when you're caught up, there is no such distinction being made at all, no? We have just fully caught up. But in the moment you start to notice, 'Oh, that this is the mind again,' you see, the mind will offer you ideas about how you've been bad, how you should have been better, and you are not being worthy enough, you see. At least those ideas, we can drop them instead of taking them to be true, you see.

Yes, Father. Thank you, Father. I just want to leave it at your feet, Father, because this is so, so...

And you probably expect now—many of you will expect now—that I'll say surrender this, surrender also. But see, what happens is that sometimes we feel like even this position, that it is too much for me to handle, it is for you to do, you see. And I offer that position many times when we say Guru Kripa Kevalam, you see. But what I want to say to you is that right now there is a possibility to be empty even of that position, you see. And not only is it a possibility, it is actually a reality till we smudge it up with some idea. Right now, yes, what's the trouble? Nothing. What needs to be dissolved? Whether Father does it or daughter does it, what needs to be resolved? Nothing right now.

Father, it's just...

And this right now, you see, is not a right now in time. It is not like a sandwich between the bread of past and future. That is not the right now that we are talking about, you see. It is that ever-present beyond time, always here, you see. All that is needed is this shift in perspective and emptying out the perspective, and especially not beating ourselves up when we evaluate ourselves in the past. So what happens is that in traditional studies and traditional school and traditional learning, these processes may be helpful where we are able to say, 'Okay, I'm weak in binomials, you see, I need to do organic chemistry better.' So then we use those to try and focus on that and study that better and things like that, you see. But in what we are talking about in Satsang, these judgments do not help us, you see, because they reinforce the wrong idea of who we are instead of emptying the idea of who we are.

Yeah, so clear, Father, when you say it like that. And it's just so visible. And sometimes that little self is also stopping me from exposing this to your presence. So I just feel lighter already having said it and spoken about it and just let it out.

Yes. Can I say also—I mean, too much water, too much—I realize lighter, smighter, whatever you say, Father. Yes, thank you for having me. Subtle things, you know. And so I'm not trying to be mean, you know, because we have to communicate, I realize that. But the thing is that these things can subtly grab us. You can make a state and say, 'Ah, this seems like that,' you see. 'This is better, that was worse,' you know. Such conclusions also. Lighter or heavier doesn't matter, you see. Nothing is too heavy for your Being, and Being in its naturalness does not have a preference either way. So I'm just gently—it may not sound gentle, but I'm just gently trying to pull out all these possibilities of condition, you see, where we may find ourselves getting trapped. Because tomorrow something will come and something may feel a bit constricted or something, then you feel like, 'Oh, with Father I was so much lighter, but look at this again,' you see. Then it's back to that same circle, back to the same loop. So yes, empty of all judgment, all nothing.

I love you, Father. I love you so much. Thank you.

Very good, very good. And you could not let me down. You could never let me down.

Means a lot, Father. Means a lot. Thank you so much. Thank you. I love you. Thank you.

I see Sylvia next. Sorry, hello.

Thank you. I want to thank you, report too, because you described very well my situation in the last week. I don't want to say so many things about my problems because with your grace, I see that it's just lies or something like this. But I have to recognize that something is afraid in here to expose in front of you and to recognize that sometimes the ego troubles me being there. And yes, I guess I want to expose this and also is a little bit of desire to understand some aspects like... you spoke about in the last two Satsangs about the body, and I have to recognize that when you put the first questions, I was like, 'Yes, yes, I'm not identified with the body.' But after some questions, I catch some ego there and I couldn't understand. I don't understand or I don't experience the fact that I'm the same in all bodies or something like this.

Okay, okay. We'll go slowly, slowly in terms of what we are trying to look at. So, like I usually say, the body, because it seems to be the visual anchor for the character in the story, you see, therefore we feel like this body identification causes all of our problems, you see, because it's so much of our problem. But actually, even if you look at your question right now, you see, you don't want the body to understand the answer, no? You're talking about something which is identified or not identified with the body. Yes, clearly you could be speaking of the body itself, because the body would say, 'No, obviously I'm identified with myself.' If it was the body's report, you see, it would say, 'I am the body.' But you are saying, 'Yes, that I don't know whether I'm disidentified enough.' But actually, in that statement, you are not taking yourself to be the body. You're taking yourself to be something which can either be identified or disidentified with the body, you see.

Yes, yes. Good, good, good. So this one already is not the body.

Yes, because it has an opposite. Exactly, exactly, isn't it? Yes, that itself is a great revelation because it takes us away from solving a problem which is not really true for us, you see. How now, in the last five problems over the past few days, suppose, how many were about the body?

I can't answer. I don't remember. And nobody in there.

Exactly. For most spiritual seekers, you see—of course, in these times of corona and things, body can seem to be a little more central—but for most people who would say that they are spiritual seekers, then it is freedom, it is about self-recognition, about coming to clarity about the ego, about all of these things which seem to be bigger things to resolve than things about the body, you see. So this identification has moved on from like a body identification to a spiritual seeker sort of identification and trying to resolve the spiritual conundrum, you see. So now if I was to tell you that spirituality is not something that you could resolve with your head, and in fact, when we are not trying to resolve it with our head, it is fully resolved. Can you experiment with me on this one?

Yes, but I have to recognize what you said, it's a little bit mental for me. I know it's not truly because I can observe that sometimes I accept the ego and I desire to experience ego, even if it's not in words and it's not an idea in my head to, you know, do this. So it's something subtle because it's something that I still believe that it's me. And sometimes I'm conscious about... I don't know, I get angry lately, but I still, I'm attracted. I don't know if I answered your question, but I feel that it's good.

So let me introduce you to a metaphor which probably I'm using for the first time in Satsang today, which is that there is the life of the one that we take ourselves to be, you see. It has a yesterday, it has a day before. Maybe yesterday I got angry, day before something else happened. There is a life of this one, okay? Now when we come to Satsang, you see, what happens is that that one seems to be taken and stretched out into infinity. Yes, it does not have that linear life anymore. And that is why Satsang is a very strange thing, because it seems like it comes in a moment within that linear life where something grabs hold of us—we can call it Master or something—and then it stretches us like that, and then we cannot put our life in that way anymore. Yes, so that is what Satsang is for, you see. So for that, first what we have to do is not be concerned about the one who came into this environment, you see. So to stretch you out, the first precondition is that whatever happened in that, we leave that aside. We leave that aside because this will not help that one, you see. This one is just... so where all linearity has to be kept aside for a moment. Okay? So right now, independent of anything that we believe happened in the past or should happen in the future, can you tell me what you are?

I can't tell you what I... I don't know what I am, but I am.

Yes, yes. So that part where you can know or not know, you see, that part which you refer to where you may know or may not know... so you looked right now and said, 'I don't know.' Another may look right now, 'Oh, I know I'm this, I'm awareness,' but you know this kind of stuff. Either of those happen in that part which we call the mind, the intellect, you see. The mind. So I'm going to invite you to let that be whatever is happening over there. Let it happen on its own. Don't be concerned about that, you see. Now, not referring to that part, what is apparent to you? Don't go there, okay?

I don't understand the word 'apparent.' Maybe it's a trick of the mind, but it's okay.

So, what is clear to you without having to refer to the mind? And you don't need to speak words, okay?

Because if I speak, I go to the mind.

Don't have to speak anything, you see. And yet speaking can happen independent of the mind, you see. It's okay, we will experiment with that in a moment. For now, if you feel like to speak you have to go to the mind, don't speak. It's fine. So just like this, you can hear this mouth speaking. You are not doing it, no? It doesn't feel like you are doing it. In the same way, that mouth can also speak without you feeling like 'I am doing it' or 'I have to do it,' you see. You will hear it just like you hear this. There's no rush. There's no rush. There's nothing to say or not say. But that body-mind functioning is in the light of the same intelligence, in the same consciousness as this body-mind functioning, all body-mind functioning. Now. That heart continues to be, that breathing continues to happen, the eyes continue to blink. All this, whatever is needed in the functioning of that body-mind, can continue to happen, you see. In the same way that all this happens, if words come, the words can be... they will come out of the mouth, you see, without even attempting to speak or something like that. So it's very natural like that. All right?

In the meeting with you, I could see that the one who was afraid of this silence, and I've tried this in the last month as a person, and I didn't see that. And with your grace, I thank you.

Oh, very good, very good. Thank you. Very good, my dear. Very nice. Thank you, my love. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, we go to iPhone. Sorry, I don't see your name, my dear. That iPhone can come. Are you able to unmute? Ah, sorry, my dear, one second.

And mind becomes completely bypassed and say thank you very much. One small question I have is: should we keep watching the 'I' or let go completely, and whenever it comes back, how?

And I didn't saw that, and with your grace, I thank you. Oh, very good, very good. Thank you. Very good, my dear. Very nice. Thank you, my love. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay, we go to iPhone. Sorry, I don't see your name, dear. That iPhone can come. Are you able to unmute? Ah, sorry, my dear, one second.

And mind becomes completely bypassed and say thank you very much. One small question I have is: should we keep watching the 'I' or let go completely? And whenever it comes back, how do we identify it?

Just let go completely. Let go completely and don't have to get into any sort of project unless it feels natural to you. You see, unless it feels natural to you, just let go. Open and empty. No position. Empty of all notions, everything. You see, now I say this to you, these words emerge for you, but another may come and a different set of words may emerge for them. You see, for them I may say, 'No, just be in that. See where you're coming from. What are you being right now?' So we can never templatize you. We can have broad instruction, but in your case, I feel like there's enough openness and you can just let go.

Thank you. Thank you for that.

So welcome. So welcome. Are you a teacher in a school or what is that board behind you?

No, I'm at work right now. I like to come to Bangalore maybe in September-October period.

Very welcome. You're very welcome to come. Very nice, very nice. Always welcome to come, my dear. I look forward to seeing you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Very good, very good. Okay, Philip can come.

Hello. Hello. I'm trying to find the right words. Your quests, your answers until now were very helpful to me and I can relate to each question in the last whatever. Sometimes I'm everything is like every time so thoughts are passing and emotions are passing and everything. Nothing has changed, nothing, but I'm free. And sometimes, not sometimes, it seems not to be like that. And I know by intellectual understanding that it's an illusion, but in the experience, the mind is starting a fight and from that fight there starts suffering. And it's sometimes not possible to stop believing that fight and the necessity of that fight.

Okay, so first to clarify a little bit, the whole—either we look at the entire play of everything that shows up as an illusion, you see, and drop everything and not distinguish between, 'Oh, when I'm free then it is true and when I'm bound that must be illusion.' You see, both of that is referring to you in a more limited way. You see, you are beyond freedom and identification, freedom and bondage, isn't it?

Yes. Yes.

Very good, very good. I just wanted to clarify that. I'm glad that that is clear. You see, so now when it feels like something comes and it is impossible to not believe, you see, and those times it feels like we are identified. You see, now instead of trying to fix those times when those times are not there, you see, be open and empty. You see, you don't want to spoil lunch because breakfast was bad. This is the theme of today; it seems to be this one-two punch. You see, so it seemed like something came and I have to identify this. In fact, we don't even think like that, no? We just—like something comes, it seems so strong and we are in. But what happens with us in spirituality is that when we are out, then we are still thinking about why we went in, and that should stop happening. You see, but in that idea of 'that should stop happening,' we are still referring to ourself as a limited one. You see, because this statement cannot be true about consciousness. It definitely cannot be true about the Self where you say it is impossible not to believe, because consciousness cannot ever be held hostage to its own creation. So in this again, we make a reference point about ourself as a limited entity of some sort. You see, so let go of that. When you're fully, fully, fully there identified, there's nothing to be done. When you notice, 'Oh, I got identified,' then instead of saying, 'Oh, why does this keep happening to me? When will it stop? I have been in satsang,' you see, all of that, just at that time become open, empty. You noticed it; more than enough. Now remain open and empty. You see, the mind will poke you with questions like, 'But when will this stop? It has to stop,' this kind of thing. You see, but they're not true about you. It is trying to pull you back again in that narrative of the spiritual seeker who's had insights, who found freedom, but it is now struggling to keep that freedom. All of these stories are not really about the reality of you.

Yes, and this is the part that I understand intellectually, but not in my experience. In my experience, it's like I have no help.

So what if I was to say to you that actually it is an intellectual understanding? It is true, but when you go beyond intellectual understanding, there is no problem with anything at all. So leave your intellect and now tell me.

Yes, no problem. No problem with anything when there's no believing in something.

Yes. Now, so what happens is that you're right, there is a set of conditions which may be there in the intellect, and then in satsang some new conditions are offered and it can feel like it becomes a fresh understanding. But the point of offering those in satsang is so that these can meet and neutralize. It is not to construct a new understanding. You see, so good you spotted that so that we can zero in on that thing. It is to leave your intellect open. You see, now the mind will have some propositions for you which may talk about, 'But I want a complete understanding,' or 'I want to come to the end of this.' All of these are just in the intellect. There is no such thing as beginning, journey, or end except in the intellect. You see, so keep up this recognition like you were able to recognize that that was intellectual understanding. When you go hunting for understanding in the intellect, you will find that nothing comes out of it—in the sense nothing comes out alive. You see, nothing comes out of it alive because no notion remains when you start hunting for what is just intellectual understanding. Tell me something, tell me something which is not intellectual understanding. Are you aware now?

Yes.

And the intellect cannot get there, no?

The intellect cannot get there.

That's why I call this question the hammer sometimes. You see, because the intellect can reach—it can reach here also. It can say, 'Of course I'm aware, I know I'm,' you see, but really the affirmation of the confirmation cannot really come from just the intellect. Very good, very good. Thank you. Thank you. Very good, very good. Okay, I see Nupur's hand is up again. Is that really up or is it a mistake?

Sorry, Father, that's a mistake.

Understand. Thank you. Okay, I see Paula. Paula can come.

Hello. Hello. I just failed to raise my hand because I've been feeling a lot of resistance to it lately and I don't want to hide from you because there's more and more this feeling that I'm with you, despite of all the nonsense basically. I'm with you and there's also a question that it's been there for a very long time, and it's about exposing things with you because I feel that there's resistance to it. And sometimes it's because I feel that when we speak about things that we give them kind of—we make them more strong or stronger. But sometimes those things are also like the resistance to speak about them also it's like protecting them in a way. So this week, last week, there's been with this silent retreat that I took into heart and then—

Can you pause just for a moment and we can speak a bit about this? He's coming up to say about that and I'll forget very soon. So okay, so what I feel to say is that you're right. You know, sometimes we say, 'There is a blue monkey sitting there,' you know, and then once we've said it, it can feel like now we need to validate it and to make it true and things like this. And that is why the word 'exposing' itself creates a construct. Surrendering or exposing creates a construct where we already come to a point where we realize that these are just things that have attached to the sense of being, but they don't have real validity, but they seem to have some sticky glue attached to them. You see, some glue is there. So I want to expose them or offer them up to you so that we can both stomp it together. You see, in a way like we can both say it can be discarded very easily. You see, so therefore the construct makes it very different. As opposed to saying, 'I'm going to say something true now. This is what happened to me and you know, this is what happened.' And even if we were unsure when we start speaking, many times it can be that once you've said it, we feel like, 'Yes, yes, that is how it was.' You see, and that is the usual way of human communication. But in this case, when we say in satsang we are exposing it to the sangha or exposing it to the Master, you're saying that, 'I can spot it enough to see that really it is troubling me, it is not true, you see, but something seems sticky about it, so can I just offer it up?' So that's in a different frame of reference. And that is why it can seem to heal us in this way because of two things: one is that we've had the courage and the integrity to spell it out, and the second is that many times things seem very big. You see, they seem very strong, something, and then we speak it out and it just feels like, 'Oh, that's okay. Is that it?' You see, once it's out it doesn't seem as large sometimes. So in both these ways, you see, because the hiding can make it feel a bit more amplified than its actual content. So that's why the frame of the reference with which it is spoken can make that difference.

Yes, and many times I feel this hiding thing. But also comes one thing and then it goes, and then comes another thing and I feel that I have to hide it, but then it goes and then comes another. And so sometimes it's impossible for just like for us to get so acclimatized to surrendering, you see, so acclimatized to surrendering that it comes and it goes, it comes, you see, it comes and it goes. And we may feel like, 'But I end up hiding from so many different things.' But actually if you were to really look, you'll notice that in every life there are two, three main themes, you see, which we seem to get attacked by or attached to. All of these positions get taken. There are not so many hundred different things that we hide from or try to become in denial of. Usually one or two main themes which bother us. You see, so it is not as large a problem as the mind may feel it is. What are the things that you usually find yourself hiding from? There must be one or two main themes around them.

Lately I've been saying like it's maybe it's a lot about this spiritual ego basically. Yeah, because all other things I feel I have—

Discard them. Discard them. Or maybe life has took them basically away. So yeah, so that spiritual knowledge—that spiritual knowledge which you use to judge yourself—throw that away. Throw that away.

You mean right now or going from now on?

Right now as well as whenever it bothers you also, whenever you notice that it bothers you. So it is meant to make you empty, but many times spiritual knowledge, when it becomes conceptual, can also become used for beating ourselves up. You see, to become so judgmental, to say, 'I'm not good enough, I'm not doing well enough.' We seem to be talking about this a lot today, but this is it now. So that which is the acid which is meant to clean up the floors, you see, the floors of your being, emptying it of the grime of false notions—that is the use of spiritual knowledge. But if you start building idols to it, if you start building temples to it, then that can become the spiritual ego very quickly. You see, you have an example for me so that it can help everyone?

I don't know right now. Yeah, it's okay. Maybe around what—

We're talking about this a lot today, but this is it now. So, that which is the acid which is meant to clean up the floors, you see, the floors of your being, emptying it of the grime of false notions—that is the use of spiritual knowledge. But if you start building idols to it, if you start building temples to it, then that can become the spiritual ego very quickly. You see? You have an example for me so that it can help everyone?

I don't know right now. Yeah, it's okay. Maybe around what has been happening this week with the silent retreat. I put aside all the non-necessary activities, yes, and so the mind became crazy. It's like, oh, and I feel this is happening for many of us right now. So I think that's useful, maybe because of that.

All right. And it became so loud? It was busy in the activity; now that that activity has been kept aside, it gives more time for the mind to play its games. Is it like that?

Yes, yes, yes, totally, totally. And many times the belief has come right away. It's been impossible to not identify with it. And what you have been explaining, that after that, all became the guilt around it and the failure and all this thing. So at least that is the two-punch, you see, of unworthiness and guilt and failure. At least that we can put aside as an unnecessary activity, or no?

Yes, yes, yes. And you'll notice—many of you will notice, actually—that the suffering that comes from the initial mind notions, which you feel like, 'Oh, I had no choice, I had to believe,' you see, the suffering that comes from there is a lot lesser than when it comes from the two-punch, which is this: 'I'm not worthy, I'm failing, I wanted to do better.' You see, all of that can be much more elongated, much more prolonged, and it can feel like it has become a truth about our condition or something. But it's just not true. It also changes, so afterwards it's not there anymore. But great. So, yes, it creates a lot of anxiety basically.

Yes. So it is related to also the notion of spiritual progress. So we must keep also that benchmarking or measuring our spiritual progress as an unnecessary activity.

Yes. 'How free am I today?' You see, we cannot measure that. How free are you today? How will you know? You see, all of you are saying, 'No, but you do it, you do it.' How free have you been last week? We cannot even say for today, but we seem to have a judgment about last week. And where does it come from? Maybe ten moments, memories. But what about the remaining thousands and millions? We cannot really see. So what happens is that the mind proposes ideas and we feel like, 'At least I know something as a result of these propositions, otherwise I can't really say anything about my life.' You see? But the truth is we can't really say anything about our life—not one day, forget last week, you see, not one hour.

So this narrative squashing, this narrative squashing is very important because this narrative equals ego, actually. Yeah. Yes. And God can never be included in a narrative, truly. What happens is that when we try to include God in our narrative, what happens? Nobody says, 'God, God, God, God, God, God, God.' I was so confused, I went to this master, this thing, this place, this satsang, I had so many experiences, I had this and I meditated and nothing. Then one day I found God. Who is still the hero of the story? What? God is a minor character. 'I found God.' Then what happened is then mind came back to me, you see, then I lost God, and then through the grace of the Master, I found God again. So God is not the God of the story; it is still the 'I' which is the God of the story, you see.

So that is why my whole trip is to do this narrative squashing stuff, because don't have anything to hold on to. Don't have anything about what has happened, what has not happened, because in any of that you are making inadvertently—in the mind's game—you're making the mind the God of the story, the 'me' the God of the story, the ego the God of the story, you see. So what is happening to you right now? And then what happens is, because we feel so silly not knowing what is happening to me right now, we rely on some evidence. So if there's a little bit of some constriction somewhere, you feel like, 'I'm feeling this,' or is there something in our perception, you see, or some memory will come, you see, and we use that to make a judgment about something which is too vast, too vast for our mind to understand.

You see, who can say what is happening right now? Very, very simplistic sort of statements we can make, but not really, you see. Because I can keep asking, 'So what else? See what else is here?' You say, 'Ah, there is satsang happening, there are some 120-odd people online, there are some seven or eight here.' You see, now that is happening. And what else? 'See, my body is feeling a bit something, you know, energetic or tired.' And what else? 'Oh, there's a nice light coming from there,' you see. And what else? 'Oh, there's some pain in my knee,' whatever. 'Some memory from yesterday is coming.' Then what else? 'Ah, what else? Yes, you must be asking about my being. My being is here.' And what else? That which is aware of even the being and all of this manifestly, that is just here. You say, 'Okay, now everything that you said, is it true for that One that you are?' No, nothing happened to that One. So what is really happening? So you can't really say, no?

So how do we make a narrative out of our lives? You just take some very silly, small, small things from here and there and say, 'This is this part: scene one, scene two, scene three.' And then you meet your siblings and your parents and then what are you talking about? 'No, no, life is like this and that.' That's why you can never agree, you know. So even after this satsang, if all of you were to meet and say, 'Oh, so what happened today?' all of you will have different, different, different, different versions. What really happened, you cannot really see. So don't make anything, especially anything spiritual, especially a thing like the retreat, don't make it part of your narrative. Don't make it part of anything which is going to lead me to something better, you see, going to something for me to do or not do.

I also wrote a quote that you said like a few satsangs ago that it's been really helpful, and there are three words: 'Let the autobiography stop.' Yeah, and I had it there and I'm reading it during the day. It's been really helpful. Thank you.

Very good, my dear. Okay, I think Claudia came.

Hello, hello. Yes, I felt to expose that there was the whole week this like a force wanting me to pull into doership. And so the whole week I was thinking about to expose it. And now with the guidances and the questions before, because I couldn't go in the doership because my back immediately had pain, so I couldn't move. But this is happening often, that yes, I could do better and just to do, I'm doing what is needed to do. And so there isn't anything to do, and just this mental construct of wanting to be better, faster. And now with your guidances, today the completely different came out, that I'm like in my body—it's a thought because I could move—but I'm completely paralyzed on my right side. Yes, and this struggle is often, this energy is happening in me between paralyzed and yes, pulled energetically in. Yes, like all constructs, all to give it away and to your feet. All my love, all my blessings.

And in a way we've looked at this today in great depth. I'm glad that all of you are coming up to expose this and we are sharing this because, but I have to say, all of you are doing very well. You're spotting the tricks of the mind well. It's all very good, very good.

I feel it dissolving in the moment. In the moment it was my turn, it was a melting away. But I said I have to expose it because there's something happening always. Thank you too much.

Okay, I don't know the order in which they came, but Ancara and Brahm can come. Oslo? No, Oslo. Yes, yes. No, stepfather, that was the idea.

You know, just being here, it's so, so apparent, this love, and how it's just love for everyone and everything. And it's so, so very clear. And then there arises this need to have everyone know how much you love them, how much, and it becomes like, yes, there's a person created right then and there just to have—I have to express somehow and everyone must know how much love there is here and how much I love them and to then again have them like me. And it's just so much, so much. And just expose it, just to expose it. And I guess just, yeah, this love, it needs nothing. It needs nothing. And the whole world can hate me or hate this and it does not matter.

Yes, it's very beautiful. I hate people. Yes, you see what happens is sometimes that we are opening up so much that the presence of love and this sort of impersonal love, which is just not for something, not for someone, it is just there, you see. And you're right that the mind will come and say, 'But you have to tell them and they have to love you back. Do they even know how much you love them?' That is just the subtitles of the movie, you see. The true screen, you see, of consciousness is reflecting what's in your heart. It's just the subtitles are bothering you a bit because it wants to create some drama and everything, you know. So even with pure love, you're saying, 'But I, me, and them, and them and me.' All this thing. So don't worry, you're doing very well. It's Guruji's grace is fully upon you and the subtitles—just you know what to do with them or what not to do with them.

You want to say something also? Yes, yes. Thank you, Father. Thank you for all your pointings. And there's something I just want to put up in the light also, and it's been going on for on and off quite some time. And it's been like this hiding for Guruji, and he described it in OSG, you know, he talked about the satvic runner. Yeah, so it was like, 'Ah, this is really me,' you know. It's like I'm there with him and then suddenly my body has moved me to another place and I'm not even aware of it before I'm there. And it's like, 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't want to be here. Catch me, catch me, catch me.'

So once you notice that, once you notice that, you're back with Guruji or no?

Yes, but usually the moment is gone, you know. Maybe he's moved on or something. Yeah, so he's been playing like this. And but the good news is that when you're with him, when you're open and empty, you're with him in the heart, you see. And the play of this manifest will resolve itself in one way or the other. You see, our only job is to not fall for any ignorance in the mind, okay? And the rest of it is all his grace. Pray even that, of course, is his grace, but how it plays out.

Yeah, and there's not only like this, because there's also been like very, very connected moments and clearly speaking and everything. So it's like it's been both. And then it's all that you have spoken today, you know, about this, yeah, it's never been good enough and this spirituality, 'I know I should really have gotten it now, and last time was so good, and why now?' So it's just, I'm just leaving, I'm living it all, I'm leaving it all at your feet.

So to leave it all actually means that you can't even remember your story anymore. Sorry, that it means that you can't even remember your story anymore. Yes. Thank you. Very good. And I'm not saying you were doing that, but many times it can happen that we offer it up so that the remaining part of our story can go better than the previous part. So it is important just for me to point it out that to offer it up really means that not mine anymore. This story, this play played out, it was never really mine. It was always God's, it was always yours, you see. And what happens with it or not is not my concern anymore.

It's so true, Father, because I've done that so many times now, leaving...

Many times it can happen that we offer it up so that the remaining part of our story can go better than the previous part. So it is important just for me to point it out that to offer it up really means that it's not mine anymore. This story, this play played out—it was never really mine. It was always God's. It was always yours, you see? And what happens with it or not is not my concern anymore.

It's so true, Father, because I've done that so many times now, leaving it to the Guru Ji, and then I find myself remembering it. So thank you for this pointing.

Thank you. I call it sometimes—I don't know whether you heard it before—sometimes I call it leaving it or surrendering it with one eye open. But you don't make a mess of it, okay? Do a good job. So now when you leave it, it's Guru Ji's. It's Guru Ji's. What he does with it, how it plays out, you see, is none of our business. It's just his business. Who are we to judge? Who are we to even gauge whether things are going well or not? Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. May we sing one little... yeah, yes, yes, my dear.

Very beautiful, very beautiful. Thank you, thank you. Okay, lots of hands. Where do I go? I see a new face. Atma Vidya, yes.

Thank you so much. I'm very, very grateful that I could join your satsang. You're already a friend; he spoke me up, told me about this, so I'm really happy that I can speak to you. And actually, I saw you in a dream today. I didn't know that I would see you today, but I hope I was being nice. And then I just... it's actually about something what was just raised before, that I just see so much grace in my life and all this time I could spend at Babaji's feet and also in the ashram. I just feel so much gratitude, and also in India, and it's just no words. But I can see I can still feel this itch of going somewhere else or even going again to India, as if I can just rest and just stay still, but something still... I don't know if it's a part of spiritual ego, and it came up today very strongly. I just can't say I'm fine now, I'm happy, why am I going somewhere else? But still, it comes up, and even feeling a bit at Babaji's feet or to be in Tiruvannamalai. I can still see it's coming and seems to be sometimes in conflict with the life I'm having here at the moment. And even if it's beautiful, it's perfect, I just see it's playing, so I just started to speak it out.

Thank you. Thank you for exposing that. It's very good. And I hope you won't mind if we meet it at a different level, because your name on Zoom is Atma Vidya. I want to first meet it at a different level and then see how that resonates, and then we can dig in a bit more if needed. So really, if you were to talk about what we can see—because you started by saying that what you can really see is that this world appearance is constantly changing, and what you can also see is that you, as the pure witnessing of this world appearance, is not changing. Stop me if I'm wrong or if we are going too far. But Atma Vidya actually means that you can see that unchanging reality, you see, which is the substratum of all that changes.

You see, now identification or suffering is when the Atma itself takes itself to be something in the realm of the changing, of the changeful, you see. So you remain the unchanging. As far as that is concerned, don't take yourself to be anything which is in the realm of the changeful, and let whatever has to change in the world play itself out like it has to. So whether the screen shows India, if it shows ashram, if it shows whatever else, that is just what the screen shows, you see. But you don't take yourself to be in the content of the screen, or at least just in the content of the screen, you see.

From there, then you have no trouble how the life of this one plays out, where it goes, where it doesn't go. We don't judge ourselves either way because can we really say what is better for us or not? We cannot. But the light of consciousness which is moving all of this play knows better than all of our individual minds. So allow that to move this life, allow that to move your feet and your mouth and everything, you see. And don't make this a problem that you're dealing with at that level, you see, because if you deal with it at that level, you'll reinforce the notion of being a body-mind who has some individual volition or agency to decide, you see. And then desire comes into play, doership comes into play, duality is already in the play.

So just... what is the unchanging? Something there is yearning for the unchanging, but the unchanging is already there as yourself, you see. So don't identify with anything other than that, and then you see that the world play, whatever may show up, is just a play. It doesn't really change anything in your reality, whether you're in sleep state or waking state or dream state. You talked about all three states today. So you see that that plays out, you see. Did you decide that I'm going to visit you in the dream today? It just showed up. In the same way, everything in this world appearance just shows up in the light of consciousness itself. So don't be so concerned about that and don't make yourself just an object in that, you see, because that representation is very far from Atma. It's very far from Atma Vidya. Thank you, thank you. How does it feel?

It feels good. I just feel that there is so much contentment that the mind just doesn't understand why to go somewhere else. You're still here, you can just rest and stay, and then still something moves this body or there's a feeling coming to go somewhere else. It's just... yeah.

The mind proposes this humble-sounding notion called 'better,' you see. But the 'better' is the cause of a lot of mind mischief actually, you see, because hidden in the notion 'better' is the idea that what is, is not enough.

Yes, yes. So there is just a feeling to be content with what is and not to keep planning, which is to stay here in this moment.

Yes. So to stay here means it's not about the 'here' in time and space, you see. To stay here is to not identify with an objective, limited entity in time and space. Yes, thank you so much. Thank you, thank you very much. Yes, oh my God. Love you. Okay, so one new face first and then we go to the other dear children.

Thank you so much, thank you so much. There was something trying to run from you to explore this... yeah, I thought I'd be less scary after the beard is gone. Oh yeah, I'm so grateful for this. I got this letter, I want to read it for you. So, there is something that I've been carrying on my back for a long time and since God gave me this beautiful kiss, everything took color. And every time I realized the truth in a more and more deep way, it's like the shadows come back and much stronger. And yeah, how not to believe in these shadows of depression, anxiety, and eating disorders that were not a problem before God blessed this being? But these habits were there in the past, but now they come back. But I don't want to believe in this anymore. And yeah, please Father, I put this at your feet.

Very good, very good, very beautiful. What happens is that in this play of playing as an object in this waking state, everyone that plays in the human condition has some afflictions. It's a part of this appearance that all objects, you see, all objects have to pass with time. And even during the time that they're here, some of the other ups and downs of pleasure and pain and afflictions and freedom from affliction—this is a part of every life. Now some lives seem to have more of something and less of something else, and we can really not, with our limited intellect, we can never explain why that happens.

But what is... help, are we back? Not so good, but because you have to change mine... ah, okay, okay. How's this now? Better? Okay, good. All right. So I was saying that it's a given that in the human condition we will have ups and downs, you see. And whatever apparent solutions, worldly solutions are available in the world for worldly afflictions, my full blessings are there that all of you can avail of them, can use them in whichever way they seem to help.

Now what happens when we come to satsang is that we realize that what makes us suffer is the notion of an individual sufferer. It is the notion of an individual sufferer who then is bound between the ideas of birth and death, between the ideas of time and space, and takes itself to be such a limited object that the worldly existence then, independent of what the level of afflictions may be or not, you see, can seem too much—too much for us to handle, you see.

So when we come to satsang, we're basically ridding ourselves of the one primary notion of the limited ego, of the limited self, you see. Now when we are rid of that, then there is no deal or promise that all afflictions that would show up in the world will go away, but at least the level of suffering that we have to endure as a result of taking ourselves to be just that limited object in time and space—that suffering gets taken out of the equation. So your words are taken in my heart here, and full... I'm always here for you to inquire into your true nature, inquire into what is real versus what is going to be just coming and going as part of this human adventure. So say something to me if you like, and we can look some more if you want, or if you feel it's good.

Yeah, it's... I just want to say that all you say is just straight to my heart. And yeah, I sometimes can see this pendulum and it's just also seen. And yeah, I wasn't sure to ask this because in my heart I know it's not true and yeah, God is taking care. I know, I know.

So all my blessings are always with you and all of you, and may all that needs to be healed be healed with Guru Ji's grace, my love. All my blessings. Okay, Radha is here. Very good. Much better. Why do I keep seeing myself? Just a second, Father, I can't see you.

Well, it changes. Usually the one who's speaking comes on the screen. Is it coming now when I'm speaking or no?

When I'm speaking I see myself and I don't...

Yes, that's how it works because it shows the same to the audience. The one who is speaking is the one who shows up on the big screen. Yes, good, good. You look quite happy and good. Is there a theme you would like to speak about or is it better to come and say hi? Good. Do you want to sing something for us while you're here? Somebody says just pin your Father, so I'm just going to bring you because I don't want to see myself when I speak. Yeah, yeah. What do I bring you? You click on that and... yeah. What would you like to sing? Found something or no? Okay, good, good. Do you want to hear something from... no, no, good. I'll just move it in the meanwhile.

Very nice. Now I know why you clicked so that I could... not that you... I planned it this way. Done is your plan. You can stay maybe while you're here also. Then I can say something about Amaya because you also knew her quite well. So today I saw on Facebook that it's two years since she left her body. And it's funny that over the years, over the last two years where apparently she's not here in this realm, but many times I still, looking through the chat, I see Amaya has typed this or Amaya said this. Because she was such a... for those of you who don't know, Amaya was a constant part of satsang for many, many years, almost since I started sharing satsang. She was a beautiful child and she did a huge amount of seva.

So today I saw on Facebook that it's two years since Amaya left her body. It's funny that over the last two years, where apparently she's not here in this realm, many times still looking through the chat I see 'Amaya has typed this' or 'Amaya said this' because she was such a—for those of you who don't know, Amaya was a constant part of satsang for many, many years, almost since I started sharing satsang. She was a beautiful child and she did a huge amount of seva. She was like my child; she was like a sister sometimes, she was like a mother. Most of the books, most of the transcripts in those days were completely guided and driven by her. Even today, I feel like most of the seva that happens is based on her guidance, and she left behind enough instructions for the rest of us to follow with what to do.

So, of course, I miss her with all my heart, but she's always here. Innocence, love, a tremendous seva, her tantrums—every aspect of her was so beautiful. I can honestly say that this Ananta would not be in front of you with so many of you today if it wasn't for her just quiet, selfless seva. You know, books were made, just satsang would happen, and then she would say, 'Father, book five is ready. Father, book seven is ready. Do you like this name? If you don't pick, I'm going to pick this and do it.' It was just so, so beautiful. She was so full-on with all of this. I miss her often. She would always be on the chat and just the other day, actually on Friday, I felt like I saw she had typed something, and then some memory came that, 'No, no, she's not in this realm. I can't meet her like this in this way.' But she's always here. She's always here.

I'm sure that many in the sangha who have been in satsang for quite some time have very sweet and fond memories of her as well. Jyoti was also very close with her. Nithya spent some days with her in the final days. Lucia, of course, is very friendly. Any of you also who want to come up—and don't worry about the names I mentioned or didn't mention—you can just raise your hand if you want to say something. You can say something if you like about her. So on this day, we send all our love, all our blessings, and also we receive all her love and her blessings to all of us. Seeing all your beautiful messages on the chat as well. Prince wants to sing as well. Maybe just after the last question from Madeline. Also, I noticed Madeline was there for a long time waiting. I hope you're not upset with me. You can come now if you like, but you can start with Madeline and then... thank you so much for all the love and the presence to have the sangha and these meetings. And yeah, and our face turned towards God in the busy lives we have.

Yes, always welcome, my dear. All my love. I want to expose some arrogance here that is very present today. I noticed there is a strong 'I' who thinks he's doing so many things for the children. Yeah, there was a bit of a mind storm about the 'I' doing so much and getting crap in return. So, I'd like to surrender that but also receive any guidance from you, especially because the same way, the same arrogant guy, I punish my son. I also think I'm bringing lots of indulgence to him which is nurturing his ego and his desires in a way. So while I'm promoting... yeah, I'm cultivating that out some circle. Yeah, I got the glove, I guess. Yeah, I don't know.

With love, with love. Because the rest of it we cannot really say. The rest of it we cannot really see. The rest of it has to be from the heart, moment to moment. The only rule about how we can treat ourselves, our children, our families, anyone who comes to us, is with love. And love doesn't mean soft, soft candy, candy only. From love, also sometimes as a parent, we have to seem harsh; we have to seem strong. So those come naturally, but the substratum is love. Then all of this... and with love, we cannot have arrogance. When we follow our heart, we notice that this body is just an instrument to that higher power, so there's no scope for any arrogance at all in that.

So one thing that you could do is that just any of the self-judgment benchmarking, you could just leave to me. Just leave it to me. I noticed today, actually, that all of you—I mean many of you that came up, and not all of you, but many of you that came up—when you judge yourself, you do it in a very strong light, very harsh sort of thing. And maybe there's this sort of condition that we have, and maybe it feels like our Master or Father would love us or judge us in this way, but that's just not true here. And if I'm fine, just fine with how you are, then you should also just be fine with how you are.

Thank you. I think that what you said probably made me realize that it was just today that I thought I'm the doer and I'm getting crap. When I was doing the actions, I was doing that. Whatever has happened has happened, forget about it.

And especially these spiritual knowledge-based troubles. Everybody in the world goes around saying 'I did this' and 'I did that.' They don't have the notion of not being the doer, so it doesn't cause them any trouble. Here, we take the trouble first of the pride and the guilt, you see? And also we take the trouble of 'Why do I take myself to be the doer?' So we've added to our troubles instead of reducing them because of being spiritual. Because you said already that arrogance is there, so pride is maybe... sometimes guilt comes. Maybe guilt was there because there is arrogance, and also there's new trouble now that I took myself to be the doer. Nobody on the streets will have this kind of trouble. So it's additional, additional burden. Burden of spiritual self-judgment. Use spirituality to clean it up, not to build more on top of it. And what's so bad? For a moment today you took yourself to be the doer. You're as good as a sage then. In thousands and thousands of moments, one moment you took yourself to be the doer—that is next-level sagelyness.

Ah, it was for about a number of hours, I guess.

And I was quite committed to that idea. How did you manage that? Like, 'I'm doing this, I'm the doer of this, I am the doer.' Because it doesn't stay, no? Naturally, it doesn't stay. So were you constantly feeding it to yourself in that way?

I was frustrated with my children in my mind, and this created this idea that I'm doing so much for them and I'm getting this in exchange. And then I started to inquire, 'Who's this I who's doing?' and I had this dialogue with you when I was trying to prove to you that there is an 'I'. A body was even connected to this meeting, like, 'What is this body needing?' and yeah, we concluded that it needed a breath. So I started breathing yourself now. To breathe myself, I started to question where the breath is coming from, so I stopped.

What about the heartbeat? From the same place. So how will you try to beat your heart?

But yeah, so my rumination stopped with this question.

Let Rumi continue, rumination can stop. Amen. My jokes become bad at the end or something; not that they're great at the beginning. I can hear them. Thank you. Thank you so much. Good, good.

Okay, hello. Quite a bit of a back and forth today, huh? Yes, yes. I thought to expose something, but then I just felt to drop it and just be with you. I would like to say that even what I'm going to say, I feel I'm happy, okay? So it's like it's not that serious. It's not like it's not that serious today. What really resonated with me was when you said to one brother here when he was asked about the 'I' watching. It's like that's what's really happening. It feels quite satisfactory to me to see the 'I' is not real. It's like one of my greatest joys, I would say. But somehow when I sit, it feels like sometimes a little bit of struggle or there is something of doing. And when you said like 'just let it go,' somehow right now it feels like these sensations and everything, it's not a problem. It's like it doesn't feel as such a problem as it was before. So that's what's great today here. I feel like I don't know how to... I don't even know how to let go. Just like, yeah, it's not that I let go. It's like... and even after that I saw this, it was like a mind trick, like a plan of letting go. 'Okay, let's go, let's go, let go.' So I see this oppression that's coming quite a lot.

Very good, very good, very good. I hear you, I hear you well.

I don't know if I should say this, it's just to expose something quickly today, please. It's like, even now I think it's like lightly, it's not that... but like lately I've been watching a lot of TV shows and watching some videos, playing some video games and playing some sports more than often. It's just, I don't know, whatever is on Netflix usually, something I'm watching. I'm playing some sport also or whatever. Playing tennis, I play tennis and whatever. But even playing video games, I must say.

So? And what is that? It doesn't mean anything. One thing: you can give me some recommendations. It's just that... you are not troubling yourself. You're open and empty. You're not suffering. Yes, that's fine. That's the best retreat. Yes. So silence—all the great masters have explained to us that outward silence is at best an aid to the inner silence, and the inner silence is just an absence of egoic belief. And if you're open and empty, if you're surrendered, that is silence. The outer silence is meant to help that.

Can I have one last thing? It says I feel to expose today. It's that on the manifest—but I don't take this word seriously—it's just like, yeah, I have no job right now. I became quite in debt, and from my family's way, it's like a really, really super serious, like super, super serious point of view. And it seems like, I must say, it feels like I'm not looking to solve this. It's like, not the 'I' looks, but it feels like from here it's no movement seeming to change this. It feels like there are some ultimatums, but here it feels like it's like this. And I'm just a little bit uncautious if I'm not being lazy or something, but I see that it's again this... ah, is it my connection? I can't see you.

Ah, okay, okay. So sorry, I lost you in the last part. Yes, yes, yes. This actually sounds very familiar to me as well because after meeting Guruji for many months—and this is not advice, okay, reporting in terms of what happened here—is that for many months there was just no feeling here to focus on my job, to earn more money, and I had two young children and family to support, you know? So the family got pretty serious about it. And then Guruji told me that all that happens, what is unfolding here, is going to be good and full of grace for everyone, family and everyone concerned. And what happened is that after I stopped worrying so much about it—and it doesn't have to work like that, it can work in its own way—some life energy started coming back to move this body in that way. And there are ups and downs in terms of how much work happens through this body, but right now it's on a big upswing. For the last many months, a lot of—maybe for almost a year now—it's been full-on work ever since the lockdown started and my wife needed some help at work. I've been... it's been pretty much full-on with the work thing. So whichever way grace wants to play this out, we can trust it. Just like you are spotting, see, when the judgments come up, just leave them. Don't worry. It's not laziness, it's not irresponsibility; it's just an openness. And in that openness, sometimes nothing moves and sometimes full-on move, move, move. It's all okay. It's all okay. I must say that...

It's been full-on work ever since the lockdown started and my wife needed some help at work. I've been... it's been pretty much full-on with the work thing. So whichever way grace wants to play this out, we can trust it. Just like you are spotting, see when the judgments come up, just leave them. Don't worry. It's not a laziness, it's not the responsibility, it's just an openness. And in that openness, sometimes nothing moves and sometimes full-on move, move, move. It's all okay. It's all okay. I must say that in the like normal life, I'm like compared to before, it's like I'm being less lazy than I was. I do everything like it's necessary and it's okay. But before there was a big egoic resistance to like to job basically. So this is like... but I don't feel that there is... there is this resistance now, even though only out my family, everybody thinks so. With myself, I feel there is no...

Yeah, they will. It's natural for them to think that way. Don't worry about that. It will be... they will think like that. That is the way families think. So, of course, it can bother us a bit, but the trust has to be greater than that. And then, which I can see it is. You don't have to... you don't have to worry.

Sometimes it feels like it... it's like I need a little bit of... I pray a little bit for more trust. Like it helps me like you grow keeper Kevin or just Bhagavan's I mentioned like... whatever is destined to happen will happen and it seems to calm my mind. But even this I can see it... it comes and I'm like no. So oh, thank you.

It's all good, idea. It's very natural for these things to happen as a spiritual unfolding is happening. It's natural these things will happen. You're good. You're doing very well.

Thank you. I don't have any money, but if you can, I'm very open to go to you whenever. And I don't care if it's Monte Sahaja or Bangalore, it's the same thing for me. Wherever you call me, it's like it's the only thing. I don't know how it feels.

I cannot had actually... many cases. Amsterdam has had so many more, but here also in the little bit of space that we have, we've had many cases where people have come with zero money, zero money, and they just somehow managed to stay. And sometimes for years they stayed. So let's see. Let's see how it goes. You always welcome, of course. This is your own home here. We will trust grace and see how it moves. Thank you so much. And Radha still has a hand up. You want to see something more, Radhaji? Did I cut you off in the middle? I felt like she was saying something when I just... okay, now. Okay, Jetta first.

Hello, Father. Yeah, I cannot see you too. May you please speak? Yes, yes. Hello. Yes, Father. Actually, I don't know what to say, but there is a team and while you were speaking about Latvia, it's also... I don't know... it's related with with work and I don't know what to say.

Yeah, then let's do one of my specialities. The new metaphor for today is that we seem to come into satsang as if we are little or meat and we come to satsang... all that past and all the future and all of that is blown away actually.

Yes, Father. Yesterday I have found one of your written meditation and I have followed it and it was just so amazing that like I truly could see that this this one and all this life it's just is. I mean, I am, but and and and this body is here like it's doing all its thing and it's just continuous. But it's just somehow it it was like a click and it's just so clear that it's just doing its thing and it just... yes, on the screen. I don't know it's the right representation, but it was just so clear that it's just doing its own thing and it's just this. And yet incredible the touch detachment and I don't know even detachment in the right word but I was and yeah it was just so clear.

Very good, very good. And now before you can think... not even our name we know. Not even... not even our name survives this moment. And our name is the central character and the narrative.

Father, it's like it's such a habit that when something appears, you know, and when a dynamic happens, some dynamic, it's just habits.

Yes, yes, it's a habit. But satsang is rehab for that habit. You're not saying we should say no with that habit because rehab sound like rehabilitated or something rehabilitated, but we also sound like rehabilitated. Okay, my jokes are getting really bad now, I need to leave. But because that habit seems to exist in our condition, that's why we seem to need satsang over and over so that we can remind ourselves of reality. And there comes a point where all the narrative starts losing its its power. It seems to lose its potency and and just this openness, this emptiness seems to remain. Don't want anything from this. And as we don't want anything and this for all of us, we don't want anything from this, then the then the the disintegration of this false conditioning seems to be much easier, you see. If we reinforce it with 'but I want it to be like that,' even if it is 'I want freedom, I want to be so empty,' is is contrary to the empty which is already there, you see. So if we remind ourselves about the potency of the habit, that is also part of the habit itself. So so right now what is the habit? Right now what is that? It is the mind which is fighting a losing battle. It is the mind which is fighting a losing battle because this moment I'm ever fresh, ever fresh, fresh. God is here.

It has to say something, Father. It has to say something.

Let God say. Let not eat see. Let God say. Your holy presence is prior to it and your holy presence can use the mouth however it wants.

Father, may I say something? If it comes like... I don't know, this is my recent experience. I don't know why, but everyone has an opinion about this one and generally it doesn't a good one, you know. Like you are like this, you are like this. I don't know why everyone has an idea about this one and she's actually so happy by her own and she has no problem. But everyone's eyes on this one and as I say every everyone just throws something to this one and at some point of course I I don't like this too because it's sometimes too much. So I don't know, I wanted to bring this to you. I don't know why people just so bothered about this one but it's like this and I truly cannot understand and yeah at some point really Father is just too much. Why? I just want to shout them, you know, just look your own thing. Why why why you are looking this one so much and she doesn't do anything.

Okay, so if I may say something. If you did not have an opinion about that one... which one? Same one, this one. This one matter whether others had on didn't have, what would it be to you that they have an opinion about that one? I couldn't understand. Yes, so like an opinion, if it is moving in empty space, it cannot hurt anything, no? So what does the opinion meet that something explodes? Is it another idea that we may have about the same one? Like even the idea that they should not have an opinion about this one is just an opinion.

Yeah, it's like I I try to be invisible and it doesn't work. I become more visible and I don't like this.

Yes, so move this one out from the central character of the story, you see. Whether invisible or visible, it's still about the same one. Make it space like the meditation you saw. Make it about the space in which that one is appearing. Like I'm saying that if we have to take ourselves with something, we can start by taking ourselves a space. Even that taking ourselves will stop, but it's not a bad start. It's a very good start because nothing has ever happened to space. So why the preference over... why the preference to flash over space?

I don't know about preference, but I don't know, it just has a feeling.

It has feelings, yes. Yeah, feeling, thoughts, sensations, all perceptions. And if we try to find meaning for ourselves in those perceptions, that is what limitation looks like. What feeling has ever hurt hurt space? What feeling is not allowed to come in space? What object does the room not want? No, no, don't bring that in. The room has never said, you see. So unless we are taking ourselves to be a object, the arising of other objects, even though they may seem like subtle objects like feelings, cannot hurt us. May nobody ever have an opinion about you. I said that maybe simpler blessing which you wanted was about you, but the conversation another direction.

No, whatever you give, Father.

I have to work with what I have in front of me, you know. If they were to come, I will tell them, 'Why you trouble my daughter so much? Keep quiet.' But at the same time, so much love to on this one. Let this let's bring this too. It's okay. Thank you. Okay, I see Helena. I don't see you yet.

I'm here. You're laughing. I don't have to everyone. Yeah, there you are. Yes, there you are. Hello, hello. I just felt like um to um I wanted to share with you um I'm also following this silent retreat, yes. And I I enjoy it very much. I I found that I I wanted to do this already for a long time so I'm happy that Mooji created this opportunity. And um I I wanted to share with you that um while it's one of those silent things that I'm doing in my in my house on my own, I've felt searching for the words I for something kind of... but with that also I wanted to expose that also all kind of things in my head. I wanted to share it with you and then mine started to become wrestlers and wanted to have your approval for what I found and and being proud which is also not the true one.

You have my full approval and I'm very proud of you and all my children.

I just I I wanted to... I was so thrilled about being able to not what Mooji says, he said don't go with anything and just pay attention to what is here. And I somehow I could keep my attention in words whatever mind he was saying or proposing. And at some time I know you I know it's not describable but it felt like like falling together with the essence of your being. That's how it felt like.

That's very beautiful. That's there was no there is no I. Yes, there is only God. Yes, my I scanned every I stand around if there was anything else that was more true than this but they're decent. Hey, good, good. So beautiful. Well, that's the way I I love to go to city and puts my attention in words. It feels like an appointment with God. There's nothing more important than that. Yes, so nice. Thank you very much for being there and guiding us and showing us what is true so that we can that I can find the same truth and that's through you and Mooji. I feel through all the things that you share with us, I feel like I am able to whatever the mind says that I I I know how that I can ignore it.

That you are equipped. Yes, I feel the quick. Such a beautiful report, such a beautiful report. And may Guruji's grace continue to guide you in this beautiful way. Thank you. Very good, thank you, thank you. Okay, um Om Shiva can come sing a song and also Mahesh has found a video of Amaya playing, so we'll end with that one. You can come first, my dear. No? Okay, we wait for him then.

One question which I want to end with the dear Father. A knife cannot cut itself, so how can I see myself? I see only other mostly and I'm aware of other mostly. I seem to forget often.

So these analogies and metaphors have their own place, but you're going beyond them now. You're going beyond them now. You're not a knife and of course you can't see perceptually, you cannot see yourself. You see yourself with your intuitive eyes, with your intuitive intelligence. In fact, you never can see another. Another is just a label. But yourself you can never miss. Thanks. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today. Satguru Mooji Baba Ki Jai. Om Shanti Shanti Shanti.