Suffering is an Opportunity for Inquiry - 27th Oct. 2015

It's funny, Father, sometimes the body is doing something that you don't want it to do, like it is reacting to someone in a way that you have said, 'No, I don't want it to react in that way,' but the body is actually still reacting in that way. And at those times it gets a bit tricky because you're saying, 'Okay, I'm not reacting like that,' but the appearance is still reacting in that sense. And so in the external world it seems like there's suffering, but internally doesn't it... it's not as bad as it... there's still some suffering because there's still some identification with that, but it's not as bad as it would be if I was totally identified with what the body was doing.

This is very good. So instead of having this connotation that when suffering comes, something bad is happening—I'm still like an invalid or I've failed as an applicant—when suffering comes, is it possible to have a sense of gratitude about it? I know it sounds funny. If not at that moment, at least later, can we be thankful and grateful and say, 'Thank you God for showing me that I am still identified as this one. Thank you for this opportunity to inquire. Thank you for this opportunity to see that just like all the identifications that have been dropped now in my seeing, this identification also is being dropped.' Then even we can say that the rising of suffering we are not resisting, because there can be a subtle resistance to suffering itself which then seems to deepen the sense of suffering.

Actually, every moment of suffering, Father, is a moment to... in a way it leads you to inquiry, right? And every time there is a suffering, it's great. I mean, there's a lot of gratitude there for the suffering because it's pointing me directly to where I am still identified and what I'm holding on to and what identity. So there's a lot of gratitude even for the person who may be seemingly making me suffer in that sense, because without that I don't see this, you know? So it's like a flashlight that's pointing the direction to where my identity lies, Father, and there's a lot of gratitude for that suffering.

Yes. So for those who are open to this, to the discovery that they don't exist—those who are open to this discovery that they don't exist—then every opportunity like this is used for inquiry. For those who are still playing with the desire to become something, to become something more and more, then when this comes, then you can also reinforce the identity and say, 'Okay, this I did not work hard enough, next time I'm going to work harder, I will show them all what I truly am.' Also triggered by the same suffering. So for those who are open to the truth of non-existence individually, then this is an opportunity for inquiry. But the same situation for some can be taken very egoistically. It can also become some crucial... but eventually I feel that all of us come to this point of questioning who I am, who is suffering.

And when the question starts shifting away from the content of what is being experienced to who is it that is experiencing it, then this seeming journey of self-realization cannot be called even a journey. As soon as we start switching the question away from 'Why am I suffering from this particular appearance?' to 'Who is the one that is suffering?' then actually there is hardly any journey left. All this imagined journey is dropped. But as long as there is a sense that the content must change and then suffering will go, then this journey can seem infinitely long. It can even be as subtle as saying that when I experience bliss continuously then I will be free. Again about the content, again about phenomena. So as long as our parameters, our benchmarks, are set based upon what is appearing or not, this itself is the doorway to suffering.

So it is very auspicious for those of you who can say that when suffering comes, then I use it as an opportunity to inquire. Not inquire 'Why does it come?' Many of you get stuck in the inquiry about 'Why does this happen to me all the time? What pattern am I repeating? What is it here that is projecting this?' And although these are nice questions, they are better than just the purely worldly questions, still they are not enough yet. Most important is to simply check: Who is this appearance coming to? Or who is experiencing this, whatever the sensation, feeling, emotion, thought might be? What does the experiencer look like? Can you truly say it is suffering without relying on any thought, without this voice of this interpreter? Can you ever say that the experiencer here is suffering? Is it your direct seeing?

So if all that you hear in today's satsang is that it is the tendency of the mind to keep you focused on the content of the appearance and keep you away from the checking who it is appearing to, and you don't fall into this trap as often, then this itself satsang would be worthwhile. And many times many of you come and you report that 'All that is here is this feeling, this emotion, these thoughts, all that is here is this.' But the question is, isn't there a 'you' also who's experiencing all of this? If it was just this, then who would be concerned about it? So it must be that these energies are there and also there must be a 'you' which is experiencing. That is the trouble that you feel—that you should not be experiencing—without investigating the nature of this 'I', the nature of this 'me'.

So if I were to say one day in satsang that we'll speak nothing about the content which is appearing, let's only speak about the witness of the content, that will be a very short satsang, isn't it? Because what is there that we can say? Enjoyment, do not enjoy this... actually what I am saying is that all our time and energy goes into this content, this content: 'This is appearing, this is appearing, this is disappearing.' So can it be that for a fraction of this time you can spend on just looking at to whom it is appearing? And can I say that there is one more possibility? This is rare because most of the time when people seem to be spending in the looking, in the inquiry, they're just playing games with their mind. 'Who am I?'—waiting for the answer to come. The looking is instantaneous. It's just so natural, so obvious. So when it seems like 'Oh, I'm just inquiring, inquiring,' then it can seem like a great badge of honor and actually we're just playing games with Ram.

What is there to... okay, so you look now. Suppose you were talking about yourself. Okay, so then look now. Know yourself. Look for the witness or the witnessing. Clear is not just beautiful flower but beautiful pain. So I'm not the one who's in denial. So when something is arising we must look at it. But what I recommend we get in denial about is what our interpreter is saying about it. We've used the power of denial to resist what is. This is what I say every day: 'What is' includes the appearance of what is, but we have not used denial to deny what the interpreter is saying. We got used to taking that to be the truth.

So when it comes to emotion, sensation, all of this, be very quick to say, 'Oh, this emotion of pain should go, this emotion of grief should go, and it should be replaced by some bliss, some joy.' So when we are in that, then is that not being focused on the content? Instead, can we look: Is the one who's experiencing this content, is that one complaining? I was still the same... Rajan, noise... that is what is being said. In any case, when there is enjoyment of what is, then it just flows very naturally and no question really comes. The question really comes mostly from either the suffering sense that 'I am suffering and I want to be free from it' or this deep urge to figure out who I am.

Because if there was truly enjoyment of whatever is, then it could be that even the master is saying something that is complete nonsense. It could be like that. So I have no... like I've said, I'm not holding up no standard of truth or something. It could seem like speaking complete nonsense, but I'm just sitting here in so much joy. This is acceptance of what is. So the point is that are we willing to look simply, especially when some content seems bothersome? Especially in those times, are we willing to look at the real experience? The consciousness itself—is it struggling with any of them? This is what I am pointing to find out. Any sensation, any emotion—can you really say that consciousness is the sufferer? You can see that consciousness has ample space for any of these experiences and truly cannot be hurt by any of those. You...