Rest in Our Heart Temple, Immersed in a Deep Love for God - 15th January 2025

I just float with whatever is coming. That's what generally works. I see. I don't know anything about my spirituality apart from this.

Yeah, so when you let go—that's what I'm hearing from your response—that you're floating in the sense that you let go of doership, no?

Whatever comes, I try to be present for that thing because my plans generally don't work out. So I let go and enjoy whatever comes in, like this was to come. If this wouldn't have happened, then also I would have accepted, but it happened, so I'm feeling very, very grateful. So I'm feeling grateful and lucky. Last night also, we were watching all the videos of Papaji, Mooji, yours, and it was as joyful. So that was a part of floating. And now simply sitting in front of you, it's as beautiful. I don't have anything else, so I'm just simply being with you.

You want to say something? For what else? For we come to satsang, many of us will experience a sense of peace, a sense of love, a sense of joy. Where does it come from? The outer environment? Even the outer environment of satsang at best can act as a catalyst or a trigger or provide some support. The source of all of this is from where? From within. But within is what? Within is flesh, bones, blood? What else is within?

Okay, so this is outside: fan, heat, and cold, all of that. But what is within? Consciousness. Self.

She's gone straight to Max. It's like the regulator is on full. But if you were to go step by step, usually how we look at it is that this realm of perception is on the outside, and that includes the appearance of this body. And what we usually call within is thoughts, emotions, intellect, our capacity to judge things. Then all of this imagination, memory—all of these things come. We call that on the inside. But none of these can be the source of love, peace, and joy. So what else must there be within? And true insight or self-knowledge, Atma Gyan, can definitely not come from any of these instruments or formations that we spoke about. So where can true Atma Gyan, true insight, true self-knowledge, and true unconditional love—which is independent of worldly things—where does that come from? And the clue is in the question itself, because Atma Gyan can only come from the Atma. True unconditional love can only come from the Atma. But in all of these things, when did we come across the Atma? We came across thoughts, we came across emotion, we came across judgments, intellect. Even we may have a lot of spiritual knowledge conceptually, but where was the Atma? Where is the Atma? And what is the Atma? What is the Holy Spirit?

So we may ask a question: Who am I? And the answer... the question is special because the answer cannot be solved in the intellect, yes? Otherwise, it would be just another question. It would be like: What is gravity? What is evaporation? But who am I, or what am I, is different. Why is it different?

It is not going towards the object.

Not going towards the object. Very good. So that which is not objective in its nature, how do we... with which instrument do we fathom that? Do we capture that?

By being devotional.

By being devotional. By being devotional. Very, very good. Very good. So, very good. What is the number one prerequisite of devotion?

Like everything is about You.

So the strong intent to leave ourselves and to make this life about God. The one that we could be devoted to is the fundamental object of devotion. But suppose that one is not devotional, or not devotional yet. They will become a Gnyani, will become a Bhakta; a Bhakta will become a Gnyani. But if they came across a Shuddha Advaita Vedanta text—and I use that term loosely—and they were pointed to the inquiry, and nowhere was it mentioned about devotion, it was said that you ask yourself 'Who am I?' till you come to the answer to this question. Can the answer come unless the same prerequisite which was needed in devotion is also met with here? Which is the prerequisite to let go of the 'me'. Only when we let go of this 'me' can we come to the love of the Bhakta, the Bhava of the Bhakta, or the Gyan of the Gnyani. You good?

So to leave the lane empty for God—or let's say Truth, for those who are not yet feeling the word God so much—to leave the lane of our life, of our existence, empty of this 'me' and open for Truth, open for God, is the prerequisite of any spirituality. Then what happens? So suppose that either through your inquiry 'Who am I?' or through your japa, Nama japa, you come to this place where you're no longer concerned, at least for a few moments, about the 'me' and its life, so-called life. Then what happens?

So 99% of all spiritual guidance is about how to come to this point. Because after this, coming to this point, there's not much, or if any at all, guidance that is needed. But let's for a few minutes delve into 'now what?' And if you can delve into it experientially through true insight rather than speculation, that will be better.

Then it's choicelessness. This kind of choicelessness, you don't have mind, don't have role to give you judgments.

It becomes... mind doesn't have a role anymore. Then what happened? What is the first part of what you say? Choicelessness. Choicelessness. Choiceless. Okay, so choicelessness is there. The mind doesn't have a role to play now. Exactly that. That we experience which is not worldly can bring these tears to our eyes because we're touched by something which is out of this world, out of this play of Maya. So this is spirituality.

Some words came to share with all of you about this. So I got my these tools and... the words that came were: 'Leaving myself, I sit in the unreachable abyss of my soul, looking lovingly at Him, feeling Him loving my heart, seeking His light without worldly eyes, unmoving except at His command.' Leaving myself, I sit in the unreachable abyss of my soul, looking lovingly at Him, feeling Him loving my heart, seeking His light without worldly eyes, unmoving except at His command.

So most of the difficulty, the effort in spirituality, is line number one: leaving myself. How? How do I leave myself? And 12 years ago when we started sharing satsang, probably most of our conversations would have been about the distinction between this 'I' and this 'me'. But now most of you hopefully have an intuitive sense of this. The 'me' is the false one, the mask, the belief system, the false persona. And this being, this Consciousness, this I-am-ness which picked up this mask of something else, has the ability to leave it as well. So I-am-ness, Consciousness, beingness, unattached to notions of 'me', remaining open and empty.

So this leaving myself is a prerequisite no matter what path you may be on. To fathom this more, we must explore what would picking up this 'me' look like? Because the leaving actually has no mechanics. The picking up of the 'me' has mechanics. So how would I pick up myself?

Just sitting, the identification organically is there.

Not organically, but effort. Okay, let's explore that. Effortless is everything can move in front of me, I am not going to make an effort. Yes, effortless. Now what moves in front of me? The world moves. Have I picked up myself because the world moves? I haven't picked up. Body sensations included in the world, everything is... but body sensations move. Have I picked up myself? Come on, don't make me work hard. No, isn't it? And thoughts move. So I make no effort; they're coming and they're going. Does a thought come and stay? Is there a thought 'I'm here to stay'? It may seem like that sometimes because of its repetitive nature, but really no thought lingers in that way. It repeats itself and that's why it seems like it is bothering us. But in its constant repetition also, the thought itself by itself, like a flame, arises and it extinguishes. Arises, extinguishes. It's perceived and it's unperceived, isn't it?

Now how do I engage with this thought? Yeah, the first level of engagement already was in the perception of it with our attention, isn't it? So because of our attention, we notice that there is a thought. But we also have another power, which is the power of belief. What this thought is saying—is it saying the truth or it is not saying the truth? When we pick up a belief, what happens in that process? That which was just empty now seems to have a position. And it could be a very high-sounding position. It could even be the notion that God is all there is. If you're going to pick up a thought, that's not a bad one. Let's even look at this thought. That which is empty of any identification now has a position. And very quickly, even in spite of the highest seeming thought being believed in, the notion of attaching to a 'me' will come. 'God is everywhere, so then I... I don't have to worry' or 'I am also then God.' See, quickly the 'me' like... because the mind will keep prodding you till you come up with the answer to 'What does this mean for me?' With me so far? Yes.

Till we don't settle on 'What does this mean for me?', it'll keep offering us. And then we say, 'Yes, that means that that something...' This is the invention of the 'me', or as is said. So this is the process of picking up myself, the false self. Where is this 'me'? Where is this 'me' that likes spirituality, that doesn't like worldly things, for example? Where is this 'me'? Is it the body? Not the body. Is it the mind? Just mind is just a bundle of thoughts. So somehow this non-existent 'me', because of the power of belief—belief is like a hallucinatory power—makes you believe in something that doesn't actually exist. So this identity is a belief in that which doesn't actually exist.

But does that mean that we are now stuck because we have believed in millions of things in the past? No, that is the good news. That is the grace of God, that in every moment really you are empty. Right now you are empty. What is your name? Don't know. Right now you don't know. It takes a unit of time even for the recollection of that which is so deeply believed in. So to allow these thoughts to come and go is to leave yourself, the false self.

Now to the mind, it seems like this is the end of life. What is there after this? Finished. But this is truly the beginning of your spirituality, the beginning of your spiritual life. You may not have a narrative to share after this. You may not even suffer truly if you're not buying into any of these notions. But as you remain empty of the false, the truth starts revealing itself to you using a completely different system than the system of the false. What is the system of the false? We looked at it: thoughts, intellect, belief, attention. What is the system of the truth? So using God's name or using God-given gift called inquiry, we came to this place of leaving ourselves. But empty or the unborn seems like a limbo state. Go and sit in a dark empty room—it sounds like that to the mind. But that is the fallacy. As we let go of false identification with the 'me', a deeper discipleship starts for us in our life, which is the discipleship of the Atma, which introduces us to a different life which has always been there but we have never known. We have thought that life is this play of the body and mind, but actually in reality our life has been about truth and love, faith and unconditional joy. So that is the 'leaving myself'. 'I sit in the unreachable abyss of my soul.' What do we mean by soul? We said...

As we let go of false identification with the 'me,' a deeper discipleship starts for us in our life, which is the discipleship of the Atma. This introduces us to a different life which has always been there, but we have never known. We have thought that life is this play of the body-mind, but actually, in reality, our life has been about truth and love, faith and unconditional joy. So that is the 'leaving myself, I sit in the unreachable abyss of my soul.' What do we mean by soul? We said there's body-mind, then we said there's Atma. What is the soul? Soul is a convenient word, and there's a Hindi or Sanskrit equivalent of that called Antahkarana. Basically, your insight—whatever these emotions, mind, memory, all of these things, intellect that he spoke about—just look at that collection of all of that as the soul.

Now, there would be no great thing about this Antahkarana, this soul, if in its innermost depth, in its very center, was not the resting place of God's presence. So all of us in India have seen this beautiful image of Lord Vishnu resting on Sheshnag, yes? So that image is just an outer representation of this on the inside. And what else is there in that image? There is one lotus flower that blooms from his navel. On that lotus is Brahma. Brahma is what? The Creator. So all of this projection comes from there, yeah? And also there is the Beloved Mother who is his beloved partner, our beloved Mother if you want to look at her that way, who is serving him, who is loving him, who's deeply in love with him. Who does she represent? This very Antahkarana itself. So I am her, and he is within me, but also he is my God.

And remember that these are just framings of that which is pure intuitive. We are not picking up a new 'me,' a new identity; we are just finding words to communicate that which is ineffable. Why? Because to hear this is inspirational. It counters the mind's idea of a dark and empty limit. The truth is much beyond that. So the presence of this Holy Light, the presence of God called the Atma within, is there right in the center of your being. And to be present to His presence lovingly, attentively—so another way of saying it, like I was saying it earlier, was: what is spirituality? It is to rest in our heart temple, immersed in a deep love for God. Because in the discipleship of God's presence, in the discipleship of the Atma, the Holy Spirit, He shows us who we really are.

The answer is available on the internet, yeah? Pure awareness. The answer is available on a YouTube five-minute search; you will get to the answer. But that answer is worthless. It's like somebody told me when I started spirituality that I'm made up of a substance called love, and I said, 'Wah!' But it is meaningless except for the fact that it is inspirational till it becomes a living truth, till it becomes our living insight. The answer is not really worth much. In fact, mostly it is counterproductive because the mind feels, 'I knew this already.' But when we are taught this like God, by His presence, by the Satguru's presence, which is the Atma itself, then we really learn the lesson. Learn it in a loving, most beautiful way. But when we learn it just conceptually, then it is just garbage.

So, leaving myself, I'm just present to His presence or Her presence, whichever way you want to relate to God. Leaving myself, I sit in the unreachable abyss of my soul. Unreachable why? If it's unreachable, then why am I talking all this? Because reachable through empirical worldly means—reachable would be that I can think about something, I can try to bring my attention to some memory, I can do all of these things at the body level, at the mind level, at the intellect level. I can even try to encourage some feeling of some emotion. I can do all of that. But where He is is unreachable through any of these empirical means. But some magic happens when I leave myself and the unreachable becomes reachable. What is the word for that magic? It's Grace.

Grace is... I want you to hear the rest of it. You're talking about Grace? It's all right, it's all so. That unreachable becoming reachable, inaccessible becoming accessible, is Grace. So sitting truly in the holy place, being truly present to His presence, is 100% effort and 100% Grace, which I know doesn't make any sense, but I'm sure things stopped making sense a long time ago, so I'm not even bothering with that. So leaving myself, I sit in the unreachable abyss of my soul, looking lovingly at Him or Her.

How do I love? Suppose you have a beloved partner or parent or child. You may be busy with your work, but some photo shows up on your Facebook or social media or whatever, and looking at that photo of that beloved parent or child, just in remembering, just in being reminded, has the effect of love. So that is why we have japa, which is to be in constant remembrance of God. What is another way to be loving? Stay. Stay with Him. Of course, to stay with Him brings all these virtues out into us. And another way is just to be grateful. Thank you, bless you.

But possibly one of the sweetest things I've ever heard—and this is from St. Elizabeth of the Trinity—was that to love Him, all we have to do is to allow Him to love us. So that's why this came up to say, 'feeling Him loving my heart.' So what have we said so far? Leaving myself, I sit in the unreachable abyss of my soul, looking lovingly at Him, feeling Him loving my heart, or feeling Her loving my heart. That's the most pristine way to be, but it also has some spiritual use. And I know in satsang we are always searching for some spiritual use—that the anchor of this love allows us to remain like this for prolonged periods of time. And you must experiment with this: to remain open and empty, anchorless or anchored in this, what we said in the Atma samadhi as the state of bhava samadhi. To remain empty of the world, anchored just in the power of love, unconditional love. Not a passion, not a desire, maybe a longing, but a sweetness of longing.

Okay, so please look at everything that is being shared as spiritual instruction and not mere poetry. So: leaving myself, I sit in the unreachable abyss of my soul, looking lovingly at Him, feeling Him loving my heart. So, four lines of spiritual instruction. And you must... this line really touched me when she said that the way to love Him is to allow Him to love you. It just reminds me of like an infant, or even Ayaan recently. He'll just come and sit on my bed, and he doesn't need to use words. Just in coming and sitting next to me on my bed means 'love me.' So he's expecting that love as a child. In the same way, all of us can relate to this, and it's a deep, deep statement of faith, isn't it? Because there's no doubt in the matter. You're making yourself available to be loved by God, you see? We left all doubt behind. You must feel this in your heart. Make your heart His. Like Swami Ram said, such a simple line to say: 'I belong to You, Lord.' A simple line to say, but contains the essence of spirituality—a sense of faith, surrender, love.

Can you elaborate? How can I be a...?

Just become like an infant expecting that the mother will love you. Experiment a little bit for a few days; see what starts to show up. Yes, like I said, it's a question of faith, actually. If we second-guess ourselves, then it'll become an obstacle. You just jump; the mother will hold me, she will love me. So jump into your heart with that faith, and it'll come. In this, it is like linear instruction, so don't worry, it will come. 'Seeking His light without worldly eyes.' What is His light? His presence can seem like a light which is unperceivable. Yes, again, this won't make sense because unperceivable light, you see? So we left sensibility back a long time back.

But those of you who have been in satsang, you know that you have a sense, at least, of this light which is not like this light. It's not like the light of the sun or the light of an electrical thing. It is like a holy light, a holy vibration. And in that light does the whole world appear. This is the light of the projector on which this movie plays on the screen of Consciousness. So we see His light, but His light here also means His insight, His knowing, His knowledge. Atma Gyan, you may say. Then that He is all there is. Do you have any evidence of that? No. Do you care about the evidence? No. You just know. At a very deep place, you know that He is the source of all love. You may say 'I Am' for yourself; your own being is the source of all love. Prove it? Don't care about proving it. How do you know? You can't explain it because we left sense-making a long time back, just in that holy place, the holy temple in your heart.

So we are seeking His light, but it is a knowledge which is not perceivable, nor is it conceptualized. That is His light. What is that mode of knowledge? Is it just perception and conceptualization? Are these the modes of knowledge? That's what most of the world thinks, you see. Obviously, thought will say that, but spirituality is the journey beyond these two modes of knowledge into a deeper mode of knowledge: the intuitive life, which is beyond empirical means. Swami Akhandananda Saraswati has written a beautiful booklet on this which I've tried to get many of you involved with for a few years, but it doesn't take because it's written very academically. So in one satsang, we'll just read through it together. He's saying it very beautifully. So this is His light. It is the holy light of His presence, but also the Gyan, the Atma Gyan, self-knowledge, of which you have no basis, but this is basis enough for you—more than scripture, more than scripture.

Unmoving except at His command. Nanak Ji said that the core of all spirituality is to follow His Hukam, His will. Now, suppose that you got a new job and you just didn't show up for work. You're working from home, quote-unquote 'working from home,' and you're just doing some stuff which you are presuming will be good for the company. You're working on something. Then a whole year has gone by. Now it's time for your annual review or whatever appraisal, and you meet your manager for the first time—just being absurd about it, of course. So the manager says, 'What did you do?' You say, 'I did this, this, and this.' He says, 'But who told you to do this?' You say, 'I just presumed. I saw on the company website that this is what we do, so I did all of this work. It's ready for release now.' So what will the manager say? 'Okay, first you need to show up. Then you need to ask. Then you need to understand the way I give instruction, and then you need to follow that.'

So we are no longer in the realm of mere morality or ethics where we presume, based on some broad principles, what is God's will. We are now in the realm of spiritual innocence, spiritual childhood, where every moment in our simplicity we are waiting for God to guide us, waiting for Him to move us, waiting for Him to tell us. And for Him to tell us, we have to show up. We have to be present to His presence. You cannot not meet Him and say, 'I'm living in His will.' At least our intention has to be to be with Him, to follow Him. So true dissolution of ego will cannot happen while the separation of will is still alive. So whether we call it a divine union, whether the will seems to merge into His will, or whether we call it a surrender, we say that 'let Thy will be done and not mine.' This needs patience, this needs faith, because the mind puts you on a deadline. It says, 'But you need to book tickets now, you need to tell, you need to confirm your job now.' But to have that patience and trust that I will be moved from my heart, I will be moved by His love, His light. To learn to read your inner compass, your heart compass, is very useful because it seems like God is pushing us, you see? Pushes us, He makes us suffer to remember Him. 'What kind of God will do that?' You know, these kind of things come. But actually, that slap has come after 10,000 nudges, but we have not learned to follow the nudges. We have not learned to take our temperature on the inside in our heart. We have not learned to read.

That I will be moved from my heart, I will be moved by His love. His light, to learn to read your inner compass, your heart compass, is very useful because it seems like God is pushing us, you see. Pushes us, He makes us suffer to remember Him. What kind of God will do that? You know, these kind of things come. But actually, that slap has come after 10,000 nudges, but we have not learned to follow the nudges. We have not learned to take our temperature on the inside in our heart. We have not learned to read the compass of His guidance because we know too much here. So, to allow Him to move you, allow Him to guide you. And it's not a dial-of-God service like, 'Oh, but I turned to Him, but He didn't do anything.' It is going to be very, if we know a lot, it is going to be very squeezing for our ego, for our pride. If you're innocent like children, it'll be easy.

So this simple-sounding line, unmoving unless it is His will, it is His command, is essential. Lord Jesus at one point said, 'Know that don't come to me later saying Lord, Lord, because I will not recognize you if you have not followed my Father's will.' It's a very strong statement, and it should be enough for us. That no, he said, 'Will this work? Will this work? Will this work? Will this work?' We have the whole thing there for anybody who doesn't know. He says, 'No, none of it will work except we must learn to follow His will.' And what is it when we think that He must be exaggerating or He didn't really mean it? It is our pride which thinks that we know something or we know better. Maybe we're finding reasons because it is not easy. Sometimes it can feel like our head is on the chopping block, but this is not meant to be easy. Love for God, to be in love with God, to spend our life in service to God—nobody's ever said it's easy. It's only easy when we become children.

Has anyone—sorry, one thing, one last thing—has anyone ever said? Everyone has always said this is the highest love, highest. So it is not easy. And if it's feeling very easy, then we just audit ourselves and see if you're stuck in some pride, because this aspect of it especially is the whole thing. This is the whole spiritual game. Ravana thought he knew a lot. He thought he's doing the right thing. Adam thought he knew after eating that apple; he knew something. So all the narratives in spirituality are about this. There was, there's hardly a character in any religion or spirituality who was just evil for the sake of being evil or bad for the sake of being bad. They were all stories of characters—you look at across religion—all stories of characters who got into pride, who got into thinking that they know something. So that is the impediment to following His will, is to think that I know something. 'Don't control me.' And you don't realize that this idea of being controlled by God actually is freedom.

Because who are we controlled by otherwise? This oppressive one in the head, egotistical pride. Those who are living like Ravana, are they happy? They think they are because they're expanding the kingdom every day. They're capturing one loka every day. 'Oh, I'm doing so well.' But they lost touch with their inner compass, so they lose a sense of even what is real happiness. And for many times in our lives, we've lived in states, horrible states, where we felt like desire fulfillment is happiness. We felt like worldly things are happiness, instead of that unalloyed joy that comes in His presence, in His light. On this particular point, I'm not speaking as a master, I'm not speaking as a guru. I'm a mere beginner. A hundred times a day, I go with what I want instead of waiting for God to move me. A hundred times a day. So we are in this together in that way. Even the application—I don't know if it's a subtle thing to say—but even the application of my spirituality onto my life many times comes from my will instead of waiting for God's will. I don't know. So to return to a childhood, to return to an innocence, to return to simplicity is both the essence and the fruit of spirituality.

Okay, sorry, I know I said that before. When Krishna played the flute late at night—very inappropriate time, inconvenient also—and if all the Gopis were sensible, they would have said, 'Tomorrow, this is not the time.' So what is that representative of? This very same spiritual journey of merging ourselves into the Divine. But if we know better, if you know what is the right time for, the wrong time for... and when the Gopis came, there is a beautiful story. They came and He said—He's a great trickster—He said, 'What are you doing here? Don't you know? How dare you come at this time? You're going to spoil my name. You go back to your husbands and to your homes.' What did they say? They said, 'In this, we are here. We want to be present only to Your presence. It doesn't matter even what You say for this.' It's like that beautiful kirtan by Namdev Ji. Like what many times these great masters would use either gender for themselves. I'm not getting the exact words, but 'You may do whatever You want. So Krishna, You may leave if You want, I'm not going to leave.'

And what is our experience? Has it ever been you're sitting in His presence and He said, 'Okay, now enough time for you, I have other people to look into, I'm going'? Has He ever said, 'That's enough presence for you, I'm going'? Has He said? He has never said. He's always available to be present to us. It is our fidelity which is in question. Like a mother, He has always been available to us as children, but as children we have been playing, we have been taking the mother for granted, all of this. So to come back home. Careful of Maya. She makes you believe that mud is valuable and the true jewel, the true diamond in your heart, is mud. That mud is valuable and then our lives—sorry if the words come harsh—but then our lives are just like mud-eating zombies looking for satisfaction, looking for fulfillment in a Godless way. Does that mean that our outer lives in this world are to be passive and static? No. But you be alive to Him and let Him move you. That is the point of the last line. Even when He came Himself, did He lead a passive and dead life? No. Whether as Ram, Krishna, or Jesus, their lives were full, full on actually, isn't it? So that is not the meaning of living in His presence. It's an inner solitude, it's an inner stillness, inner quietude. But whether it has to be outer solitude or not is up to His will, not even up to our own spiritual decisions, spiritual-sounding decisions.

And so this process of contemplation that we had today is also what we've been talking about as sadhana. Because what did we do? We read. The reading is the same as hearing. So whether we call it shravanam or hearing, that is the first step of sadhana. Then we looked at each line and we dwelt on it, extracted the juice out of it, squeezed the grape, so to speak. Then hopefully at many points we realized. So that the second part was the mananam or the meditation process. Then at many points we realize that this helps, huh? So we realize that this we cannot do by ourselves. We can't do it by ourselves, we can't do it unaided. So whether formally or informally, a prayer goes out to God, which is our inclusion to the sadhana process, which is sharanam or praying to realize that it's Grace which can take us there. To ask for His help is to surrender to Him. And then the nididhyasana, the contemplation just wordlessly.

So it's very beautiful. So to read or to hear is to put the grape in your mouth. To do mananam on it, this way of meditation on it, is to squeeze the fruit out of the grape. To realize that the sweetness is always going to be His gift and to pray for that sweetness is the prayer of the sharanam process. And the contemplation part, the nididhyasana part, is the tasting His presence, tasting His love, tasting the sweetness as the fruit of our spiritual practice. Getting a sense of... so this is like the meta-overview of what satsang does, what satsang is meant to do at least. This you want me to exchange? Okay. So if our satsang or our spirituality is empty of the last one, then let's put a little more focus on that because otherwise you're spending a lot of time on the cooking, we're not really eating or tasting or digesting, whichever way you want to look at it. So that quiet time, in the mind's perspective, seems like a complete waste of time. But to sit quietly being present to Him is the very fruit of spirituality. The rest is all preparation. So whichever method, whether you're inquiring, you're praying, whatever your spiritual practice is, make sure that all of this that we discussed today is there, central to spirituality. Please come. Hello, welcome.

Okay, she had a question. In the first line, we left the false one, yeah? And there's another one to whom all the other lines are happening. So in emptiness, the false one is gone and the true one we can reach through inquiry. But you're saying there's a real one which is separate from God? There's a real me which is still separate from God, and that one I don't know about. I mean, I kind of... I don't know. I don't think you've talked about it all that much.

One thing I could say, but I won't because we are picking up satsang after a few days' break, I won't be choppy today. But is that we left sensibility long back. So if it doesn't make sense, we have to follow even more. We have to follow even more, especially when it doesn't make sense. But let me instead look together with you. I've left the false one, left myself, the smallest self. Now what remains? What went? Okay, let's see what went with the false one. Belief in a 'me,' like the belief that I'm the body, the story went, yeah? The shape, no real shape, but the idea of how to make a shape of myself went. But anything that is really valuable or of value is not left because the false one never existed in the first place.

So in the leaving of that, it's just like saying if I believed myself to be a caterpillar and now I don't believe myself to be a caterpillar, then how many of my limbs have gone now? None in reality. Only the false ideas of the limbs that I had about myself, maybe hundreds of those went, but not really. So in reality, none of the forces, none of the powers which God has made available to us have gone. Only the false one is. So then is love gone? Is my capacity to love gone? Is attention gone? Is my capacity to be present to His presence gone? None of that which we need for true spirituality is gone. In fact, the road has been made clear for the true spirituality to unfold. I feel like your question maybe then, how do I decide that the doer is gone? So then how do I do all of this? Is your question something like this? Like the false doer is gone, I just feel there's a third me which I haven't met at all. I don't know this one.

Not really. Just play around with this a moment and see. Is that witness that's still separate? When the witness is empty of me and there's witnessing of perception, that witness is still separate? Okay, let me recap. Leaving myself, we went through how to remain open and empty. 'I sit in the unreachable abyss of my soul.' Forget the 'sit' part, it's poetic. There's no sitting or standing left. But can you be there in your heart temple now? In spite of the false one not being there, you don't have any name identity, you don't have any story of your life, you have no past, you have no present, you have no future. Now, where are you? That is that unreachable place. So just remain there. So when Bhagavan says 'abide,' this is what that means. Or to remain this. When Jesus said 'remain in me,' this is what that means. Now, it could not be that Bhagavan said 'abide' or Jesus said 'remain in me' as instruction for the false one to grow in its power. So it's really ungraspable. I can get the confusion, and that is why it's important to just rely on our innocence more than understanding, you see.

You have no present, you have no future. Now, where are you? That is that unreachable place. So just remain there. So when Bhagavan says 'abide,' this is what that means. Or to remain this. When Jesus said 'remain in me,' this is what that means. Now, it could not be that Bhagavan said 'abide' or Jesus said 'remain in me' as instruction for the false one to grow in its power. So it's really ungraspable. I can get the confusion, and that is why it's important to just rely on our innocence more than understanding, you see.

If you can't do any of this, then point that out to me. Leaving myself, yes, I sit in the unreachable abyss of my soul. It happened naturally when you left yourself. What happened? Something draws you more and more inward, isn't it? No, it's like when you say that, this part I'm not getting. So I know I'm the witness, but I don't know some things. Is this the one that gets to know eventually? Is that the one in between?

I'm saying you don't worry about your question. I'm saying just worry about whether you can follow this or not. And first line, yes. And then see what happens to the first line. Yes, all the rest, no. Then what happens when you let go of yourself? Is it a static limbo? It should be conceptually; it should be in the mind. It seems like that. But what really happens? Like a lean in. You know what I'm saying? Like we become more and more inward. Like the turtle's legs, which I've spoken about. With the turtle's head, legs, everything starts to go more and more in, and we don't know where that 'in' stops. Okay, be careful not to visualize these things, okay? Let it happen just organically.

So you are empty now. Ideally, if you're following Master Bankei or something, you're in the Unborn. Finish. All things are resolved, correct? And that happens, you see. But there's other magic which is also happening, is that empty of myself, I seem to be going deeper and deeper. I don't know deeper into what, and that's why I'm calling it an abyss. But if I wanted to get there, I could not. Still with me? These things are very difficult to talk about. But something happens to us where we don't want to be disturbed by our most beloved ones also, you see. You close eyes, we just sitting there. Thinking you're wasting time, you see. What a waste of a life, she's sitting with eyes closed. But something is happening to you which is not limbo, which is not just like sitting in a dark empty room. Because your children may come, the most beloved one may come and say, 'Papa, Papa,' and you're like, 'Leave me alone right now.'

This magic which is unfolding, this Grace which is unfolding, you don't want to exchange that for anything else. Now, for the mind, what is happening? Maybe it paints a narrative, but it's not accurate. Maybe nothing is really happening in terms of perception also. Maybe in terms of perception it's all just dark. But in your heart, in the very essence of your being, some work is happening. So St. Teresa of Avila said that when we leave ourselves alone, then He works on our heart. But the work on our heart maybe under some anesthesia, like we can't tell what's happening. But you can tell there's a beautiful surgery which is happening. I wonder, can we tell? Or I'm just... now we can tell, isn't it? So we left suffering behind, at least for that moment. And without being without any pride about it, we left that narrative, the suffering, all of that behind in the moment we left ourselves. And just for that, that benefit itself would be well worth our spiritual effort.

But that is just the very beginning. What is that which happened? You said yourself, what I feel, what I experience is not something phenomenal. It must be coming from a non-phenomenal place, is it? Now you're stuck with that statement for years, I know, but it's true, isn't it?

So this open-heart surgery which happens, that is the working of love. That is the working of Grace. And that is what... nobody ever comes to an awakening, nobody says, 'Okay, that's it, I've seen it all.' In pride we may say that, but otherwise nobody says, 'Okay, now no inquiry, no prayer, I've seen it all, finished.' Because I saw that I'm pure awareness in that moment of insight, pure insight, we may even take credit and say, 'I did the inquiry so well, so well that I saw who I really am.' Like, what would it mean to do the inquiry really well? Nobody knows. It's like, I asked very articulately, 'Who am I?' What did we do really well? Good thing just the Grace blessed us. We allowed ourselves to remain in that Grace. So we came to an insight about who we are, but nobody who comes to that insight says, 'Okay, now I've seen it.'

We do that with worldly things. 'Oh, I've seen that, I've seen Niagara Falls, I've seen this.' Why do we have to go again and again? Seen it. But this is not like that. Every moment in that beauty, in that Grace, in that magic reveals deeper and deeper and sweeter and sweeter insights. But it's not just collecting the insights; it's just a feeling of belonging, a feeling of being in your true home. That's why Kabir Ji said, 'I want to go to my beloved's house, my mother's house. I'm not liking my parents' house, I'm not liking it.' Because once you start falling in love with the Beloved who lives in your heart, you want to go there, you want to be there. And that is the deepening of love. That is the deepening of a bond which is forever present, but it seems like we have to renew as if we are beginners every day.

If one day I come to a point where I don't feel like a beginner and I feel like now I know it all and I've seen it all and my relationship of love with God is so strong that I can take it for granted, then I know that that is the day I fell for Ravana's pride. Nothing to do with your question, I'm not ranting about that. I'm just saying that spirituality is a job for forever beginners, for those who are forever in awe of His majesty, of His reality. Because reality is beyond fathoming. In our intellect, what Nirguna Brahman sounds like is very different from what Nirguna Brahman feels like in our heart. Ah, everything is Nirguna Brahman, pure awareness, attributeless, qualityless, you see. Very useful for discourses and to write books and to be seen as very spiritually accomplished. But to dive into the Nirguna in the holy place in your heart, in the guidance of the Atma within, that is... nothing in the world can replace that. Nothing in the world is worth anything compared to that. So, but innocence, innocence, innocence. Beginner, beginner, beginner.

So let's say for now, in answer to your question, the complicated one has left. You have left the complicated one. A simple child remains. And this is what the simple child should do. Good enough for the home.

Um, to your point where you said this is a difficult path, like even Ish in that sense, I just wanted to address one area where I have difficulty when I'm alone, which is most of the day. All these, everything that we're learning from you seems easier to do, but when we meet the world, samsara, Matrix, whatever you want to call it, that's when the rubber meets the road. At a certain level, the preparation alone definitely is the precursor; it helps in meeting the world. So at least some work is being done. Where I'm confused about, Father... I mean, there were two areas of confusion for me in terms of human interaction. One was forgiving, and I think having a few conversations here in Satsang and also watching 'The Chosen' where there was a lot of emphasis in season four around that, just through that storytelling and observing, observing Jesus and everything he said has just kind of intuitively resolved that. And I'm not overthinking that when I'm encountering situations of forgiving.

Where I'm struggling or get confused is judgment. And maybe I can give the example of that Yahoo Baba when he was here, right? When I was asked to talk about G. Gopal and he interpreted it as me judging him and, you know, he blew a fuse and so on and so forth. But then you came in and at the right time, whenever you felt it was right, and you said what you had to say. And you spoke with... I've rarely seen you speak like that. And so it was a... I mean, it wasn't a surprise, but it was something new to see. And those kind of situations arise in my life too. And I have been maybe adopting a narrative that 'Thou shalt not judge,' and maybe it's like a template. And as you've always told us, don't get stuck with templates.

So when I sit in presence or I take a pause when I'm interacting with somebody where judgment is occurring, and maybe it's discrimination that is occurring—and it's not a negative word—there's discrimination going on, which doesn't mean I think I'm superior to them, which maybe the word judgment is laced with. But words matter, and that confusion sometimes comes from what word you have plugged into your head. And the specific example I'd like to give, rather than speak abstractly, is I have a friend who I've had for thirty, thirty-five years. He is a dear friend, we have some amazing times, but of late, let's say that person is doing some very unethical, Unholy actions to many people. And I've heard this from many people and it's true; I've done enough due diligence to know it's true. But it's not happened to me; my interaction with that person is fine.

But when I interact with him, you know, it's like I struggle a little bit these days. And this unconditional love that you started talking about is challenging. To be honest, I don't wish him well... sorry, I don't wish him unwell. I also in my heart I know he's doing what he's doing because there are causes and conditions to it. Even Hitler has probably a reason why he's Hitler, and I get it. If I was born under those circumstances, I might have been the same guy, right? So that level of detachment, and it's not like this aggressive judgment, but I just find it uncomfortable to interact with him anymore and be his friend. And some way I feel like, 'Oh, am I judgy?' You know, Jesus said, 'Thou shalt not judge anybody.' And so it's a bit of a mess in my... and yet he shouted at the Pharisees so much, he went to the temple and had a fight. Yeah, that I can make sense of. So it's a bit of a mess for me.

Yeah, I'll try to share a little bit about that from my little bit perspective that I have. For me, I'm a pacifist, as my conditioning has always been that of a pacifist and like very introverted and a pacifist. So for me, I would rather... like the older one would never have invited this one to our place anyway. But what really started changing something here is I realized that either I really mean it that our life is a zombie life without finding God and living in God's presence, and therefore for those brothers and sisters in the world, it's literally a matter of life and death, you see. And if I say that I love everyone and I want what's best for them... this sort of metaphor came that if I know in my heart that this is a life-saving vaccine, then what is the position of the other one before I offer them this life-saving vaccine? Do I need them to be open? Are zombies open to getting the vaccine? Do I need them to be... before my ego is now feeling like, 'Yes, now I can offer them this'?

So more and more I'm going toward that, and that even when I'm in social occasions or family occasions with family, now I've done it a few times whereas in the past I would not have. I try to knock on their doors and say, 'You know, you're all getting a bit older. I'm hitting fifty soon, all of you are in similar age groups. Do you want to really talk about this a little bit? Are you open to there being something else in life besides these things which seem to be in Maya?' And of course they may take me to be preachy or thrusting it down their throat or evangelistic or whatever. But do I feel really that the gift that God has given me... without that gift my life would be just a dead life pretending to be alive? Or is it really not that? And then isn't it in a sense my job to see if there's even a sliver of openness to...

To really talk about this a little bit, are you open to there being something else in life besides these things which seem to be in Maya? And of course, they may take me to be preachy or thrusting it down their throat or evangelistic or whatever, but do I feel really that the gift that God has given me—without that gift, my life would be just a dead life pretending to be alive? Or is it really not that? And then isn't it, in a sense, my job to see if there's even a sliver of openness to this somewhere, you see? So I'm operating more from that perspective.

Even with the one who came the other day, that was my intention. Like the first day, we saw some hope; at least some of us who were there, we felt like maybe there is some change that can happen. But whatever God's grace had, different plans. The intention is there, but because I've also been wrong so many thousands of times in my life, I try to retain openness to another perspective; to say that I know this feels so true right now, it seems so clearly true in my heart right now, but can I still be open to another and say maybe God sent them to show me a higher way? It's not always easy, but I hope even in that conversation that day, I was trying to be as open as I could have been.

Yeah, that's what was beautiful, Father, and that's the lesson for us to learn. When I was interacting with this friend, I sat quietly in my home before I interacted with him and just kind of dropped that question into my being, if you will: "What should I do?" kind of thing. And the answer that came—and I followed everything else, which is no rush, patience, there's no personal gain, I'm free of all of that baggage—the answer that came was like, "Oh, if I'm also not perfect, I'm also doing so many things that I could do better, and somebody may judge that too." And so, if I did have a friend, I would want them to tell me with love and care, and maybe that's what I'll do, without having any fear. That's the answer that came.

But Father, when these kind of answers come, there seems to be a subtle conversation that's happening in there. It's not like the mind is active; I don't think it was rumination. It's like I dropped the question and then this thing came out. It's still words, though, so sometimes I think, "Is that..."

Your heart can guide words, and those conversations may deepen in their beauty. It's very, very... as long as we don't have any expectation. Because we were guided from the heart shouldn't mean that the outcome is always good or something like that. Because our intention truly was to follow God, God's grace will take care of that. Even if we get a little bit contaminated by the mind sometimes, we don't have to worry. It is our intention to follow His will which is paramount. And know that God will never speak to us in that way where we will be able to hear without faith. So He'll always leave it to a question of faith ultimately. Even though in that moment it seems so clear He is guiding, the next moment the mind will come and say, "But was it really? Are you sure?" The mind itself will say, "Is it not your mind?" All of these things. So faith will be needed to say, "No, it seems so clear in my heart."

In an opposite example, Father—I'm just trying to bring these things into difficult samsara situations, that's why these questions, because otherwise it doesn't work—I was negotiating with a client. It's my largest client; they represent 95% of my revenues, which is dangerous in itself, but that's where I am. And they're trying to bully me right now into dropping prices. I can drop prices, but I shouldn't for many other reasons. And so this guy came on the call and he was literally bullying and saying, "If you don't drop your price, where are you going to go?"

So I took a pause. Normally I would have asked for more time or chickened out or whatever, but I just took a pause, an uncomfortable pause, and I was basically doing the same thing: just dropping that question in and seeing if something happens. And if nothing would have happened, I would have asked for time. But in a very, very gentle way, the words that came out were, "Hey, I don't think we will get bullied. So if you want to walk away, you also are going to lose. I'm okay. I'd rather not be bullied and I'd rather not take anything."

Afterwards, it felt good in the moment; there was no stress. Half an hour after that also, it didn't feel like I was afraid or anything. But the question that came was: when I said "I will not be bullied," was that coming from an ego place, that "I," the Narin "I"? But the resolution I found in that was: no, I'm speaking on behalf of the company and I didn't feel a personal ego offense in that moment. It wasn't like I was hurt; it was like, it's bad for the company and we won't be bullied. So that was another example that caused confusion. I just wanted to share that.

These are beautiful experiments because these are the difficult things. Exactly the things which I was saying, that sometimes if our spirituality is feeling too easy, then I'm a bit suspicious about that. Because like I was saying, so many times every day, I still rush into my will rather than waiting for God's will. So it's very beautiful to really experiment in this way, to allow yourself to deepen in this way. And it's because it's always going to be a question of faith. Can we really post-facto determine and say where did that... no. We just have to trust that in that moment, where it flowed from is by the grace of God.

You know, in the instruction, we could actually... suppose if he made it the other way around. If he started with this, saying: "Unmoving except at His command," then said, "Seeking His light without worldly eyes, feeling Him, loving my heart, looking lovingly at Him, I sit in the unreachable abyss of my soul, leaving myself." So the instruction can work starting from letting go of our individual will into leaving the false one behind through this beautiful spiritual process as well. Unmoving except at His command. But is it His command? Okay, shall I learn to keep this body a little well-rested and go? Let me hear something quickly and then go.

Hello, my Father. Thank you, thank you so much for giving me a chance to speak. I don't want to take your time so much. Actually, I can bring it to another moment and it doesn't feel so important now. Maybe I just want to ask you that, if you allow me, I would love to come to India and...

Yes, yes, I've always said of course you can come. Very welcome.

Okay, yeah. Then I can start the process then and we can talk there. Very, very happy. Thank you, Father. Thank you so much.

Bless you, bless you. Good. Maybe this after the little bit...