Pick Love Over Pride - 12th August 2024

She says every now, only right now, because we are in satsang. Every now only.

The ever-present now, the Eternal now. Let's call it that, you see. Now, in that Eternal now, when is it worthwhile to meet God and when is it worthwhile to be engaged with Maya? What should be the right balance? 50% Maya, 50% God? Is that correct? And he's available in the now, she said. So then, if you say that we should constantly be in God's presence, be in love with God, be in his light, be in his guidance in the form of the Atma within, then what will happen to our worldly responsibilities? Sitting with God, you'll become a sadhu. Your family will cry. Nobody wants that. Is that the meaning of sitting with God or being with God or living in God's light? Does it mean that necessarily you will become a sadhu and renounce your family, your work? So, if that is not the case, then why not be with God?

So again, I'm asking whether it is really a possibility or just spiritual make-believe that we discuss in satsang. Is it a reality or is it just something fictional, maybe some feel-good idea? Is it like that? So, if I told you that depending on your condition... okay, so if to some of you I said that the richest man in the world is sitting in the room next door and if he likes you, he may give you half of his money, will you get up and go? No? And if to some of you I say that the most beautiful woman or man, the handsomest, most beautiful partner, most loving, most compassionate, is sitting in the next room waiting for you, will you get up and go? Yes? How many say here? Okay, you may not admit it right now.

Let's change the story a bit. This is the last, and these things are happening. Door number one: the richest one in the world, he's about to leave his body, he doesn't have any natural heirs, saying whoever comes and meets me, I may give them half my money, all my money. How does it matter? Mr. Musk or whoever. So that is one. Second is that the most perfect that we visualize, the perfect life partner, whatever our imagination is, that one is waiting behind door number two. Third, that you can get an immortal body, nothing will ever happen to it, it will always be healthy, be stunning in all ways, door number three. There's a doctor from a million years later who has come who can give you this pill. And door number four, like a combination of Socrates, King Solomon, then what are the wisest ones? The wisest, the greatest philosopher, the greatest wisdom, greatest understanding, the meaning of life, they will explain that to you and you can write a book and you can be known as the wisest one to live. The fourth one. And you are just sitting in the boring satsang. For which one will you get up and go? For which one will you not?

So what am I saying? Am I saying that we must sit in satsang at the cost of everything else in life? No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying that God is there in your heart and we leave him for these things, you see. And these things are the extreme examples; we leave him for peanuts. So this is the option which is available to us every moment, whether it is right now or the Eternal now, whichever now you take it to be. So both cannot be true. You cannot actually say that God is true and he is here and I can meet him in my heart as the Atma within—that cannot be true for you if you say that for peanuts I go outside into Maya, you see. So that which makes the peanuts more worthwhile or seem more worthwhile, that which creates the delusion that there is time for God later, see, that in fact is Maya.

I met a parent recently. Like most parents—not picking on that parent—the parent says, 'But isn't there a time for this?' And I said, 'Okay, those who did it in the right time according to you, how many of them do you know found God? Or actually, do you know anyone who has found God in their life? Have you met someone who is an Atma Gyani?' And if they followed the world's template, which is to say that we must do this when we are unable to do anything else, you see, that is the right time, no? According to the world, when we actually can't do anything else, that is the time when you should undertake the journey. And by the time we get to that point when we can't do anything else, then we are so deeply conditioned in our worldly ways that we don't know how to anymore because our innocence is gone, our curiosity is gone, our real ability to contemplate is gone. It's all gone. And that is what the world says: that extinguish all of that power that you have in worldly things, then you can do this later. And in this 'later, later,' it never happens.

So although it is universal, it is true for all of us that God can be found in the form of the Atma within, who has actually come to Atma Darshan? So what is that exchange that we are making for God? An exchange of God, what is it that we are doing? Everyone with me so far?

The exchange is not for me, not at least those one or four kids, but it is those small, small things or small errands which I don't even count, but for that also I give up God involuntarily. Or take an example which is not in the four: the simple planning for the next one hour or so. Yeah, a small activity of traveling from here to home. So you have this idea that you want to travel from one place to another, and when you plan for that, you leave God's presence and go to the mind.

Have you had the experience that when you are in God's presence, then life comes to a standstill?

Absolutely, Father. It doesn't come to a standstill. There is an experience, or many times where even with presence these things are possible, but by ways of or by habit it goes. And there is no want of going there, but still, great and small things are bothering, then the big four years.

So you want to break that habit?

Yes, yes, absolutely.

We'll come to the tools about how to break the habits, but first let's see if everyone has the intention. So what I would love for all of you to do is that if you could write the two or three main ideas which you use on yourself to block your living in God's presence. Take a few minutes. Make sure you include today's ideas. For some of you, of course, the day is just starting, so you can include yesterday. But if you are in the evening or the day is almost coming to the end, then make sure you're not just thinking very broadly. What is very, very alive that pulled you out of God's presence today? Anyone who says that they did not go their own way at all today and they only followed God's will? So if there's nobody like that, then we must be able to identify what made me go my own way instead of following God's will. Is it clear what I'm saying?

How many of you feel the question changed? It was about God's presence and now it is about God's will. Feel the question change? Okay. So how will we follow God's will? Is it possible? So if I say that I'm using this next room thing again: in the next room is sitting the greatest Gyani, the greatest Guru, the greatest Master in the world, and you must now only follow his will. How will you do it then? How will you know? He's in the next room, so you have to meet him. What if I'm just sitting here and I'm just presuming that I've heard about this Maharishi, I know he'll want me to do this? Would that mean following his will? That is just using our ideas about what our spiritual life should be instead of actually finding out from the one what is his will in this moment.

So remember that a very devious way of following our own will is to apply what we think is the right spiritual idea to our life in that moment. I wonder if you can meet this. Can you meet it? All of us have spiritual ideas, yes? So what do you do with those ideas? Suppose that the mind gave you an idea: 'Let's watch a wrestling match' or something like that. 'Let's watch this wrestling match for the next two hours. It's the annual Royal Rumble' or something they used to have when I was younger. So suppose that is happening and let's watch that. So the mind gave you that idea. What kind of mind is that? That is your mind which wants entertainment, which wants that kind of pleasure, it wants to engage with the kind of violence to feel some pleasure somewhere.

Then another aspect of your mind may come and say, 'No, no, no, no, that's not good. What I should do is that I should sit and meditate for two hours.' So is that exchange now that you made, is that following God's will? It's a presumption. And I want to be careful as I say this—actually, you should see it carefully—which is that if we are a beginner on this path and we find that something brings us closer to God and brings us to his presence, so that reminder helps, it's fine. But as we deepen, our life must be so surrendered to God that our mechanism should be to meet God's presence in our heart as quick, as soon as we can, and then allow him to move us or him to guide us. Are you seeing the difference in both of these?

So how many of us are actually doing this? You hear it, you've heard this now a thousand times in satsang. How many of us are actually living like this? How many of us are actually trying? How many of us are actually trying 100%? 50%? 50/50? It's okay. If you feel like 50, you can say 50. 100? Just in your heart you know whether I'm giving it my all or am I half-hearted about it.

When you asked us to list it out just now, I noticed this: that there was God's presence till then, but in order to list, I had to access the mind.

I brought you out? No, but is there any other way? So my question is, there must be some other way to do this, right? Even when you say list now, while you're speaking, don't worry. As you're speaking, then even in speaking I notice both, sometimes both.

So it's better than writing slowly. Don't we looking together? So you see that to write, I go to my mind and that takes me away from God's presence.

So I said, okay, then what about to speak? And speak, you said kind of both. So speaking is different from writing. Not in writing or speaking, but in the actual accessing of the content.

There must be some other way to do this, right? Even when you say list now, while you're speaking, don't worry. As you're speaking, then even in speaking, I notice both sometimes. Both. So it's better than writing slowly. Don't we look together? So you see that too, right? I go to my mind and that takes me away from God's presence. So I said, okay, then what about to speak and speak? You said kind of both. So speaking is different from writing, not in writing or speaking, but in the actual accessing of the content. And accessing the content—so everything that you're speaking now, you're speaking from the mind. That's true. And are you then saying that, yes, I am speaking everything from the mind and that is the only way that speaking can happen? No, that's why both are seen. Yeah, exactly. Sometimes it's possible to remain in God and words come out. But my question: can this apply to all activity or no? How to... this is...

Yeah, we are getting to that. First, we have to first see whether what we are saying is that activity is out of God's scope. Is it that if I'm to engage in activity of writing, speaking, having a meeting, parenting, cycling—whatever the activity may be—whether it is completely out of the scope of God's presence, or is it half and half? That I have to involve the 'me' in it also and involve God? Or is it possible fully to remain in God throughout all activity? What do we see? So it's 70/30? Arguing with you, no, it's wrong to... a double problem. Let me add more confusion to it, because otherwise it can be no fun. But isn't everything happening in God's will? The texture is very different. The texture of the two is very different. So then when you go to your mind and do that, is that happening outside God's will? It's an unfair question. I should not do this. So let's leave that aside for a moment. Let's presume that we must follow God's will by remaining in His presence. Then I'll answer the other part later.

So now you see that, I see that in some activities it is half and half, in some activities it is mostly 'me', and in some activities like sitting in Satsang, hopefully, it is mostly God's presence.

Yes, not really. So, like for this activity, if I look at it and slow it down, so I was turning to God to see, look for a response to what is pulling me out of God's presence. But then there was a rush. The rush was given: need to write the points. And nothing is coming because marks...

All Satsang questions are contemplation. So even if you... so what is the contemplation? It is not like what some people are doing, which is that 'I don't care for this question, leave it.' That is not contemplation. Like that, there could be an idea that 'I'm not going to focus on this question, I'm just going to leave it aside. If God gives me the answer, then He gives me the answer, otherwise I have better things to do.' That is one. That is not contemplation. Contemplation is to keep the question alive but wait for only the heart to respond. And therefore, then all of this is just practice for us to remain in that contemplative state.

And if you feel like the heart doesn't know... when I say, for example, are we fully living in God's light or are we halfhearted? Then I can tell you that only the heart really knows. Our mind will just give us some answer which is not reliable, really. Either it can make us feel guilty, unworthy, or proud and accomplished. So the mind cannot really tell us a good answer for this. Only the heart really knows. So this we must answer from the heart. Then it can be that, 'But my heart is always silent, it doesn't use language.' Is it like that? Then we must be patient. Be patient because that which is the light of this entire universe, all intelligence, all of these forces that we experience—everything comes from that presence, that light. And how can it have a problem with language? It can't. So the mind uses these kind of obstacles, these kind of blocks, to prevent us from living in a way that we deepen in our communication, in our prayer, in our communion with God.

How do you keep the question alive and contemplate? Because when I contemplate, the question becomes completely insignificant. I can't hold the question in it.

Yes. So if I say, okay, the question is for the moment: Who am I? Tell me at what point it becomes insignificant in your heart. Gone? Still there? So okay, let's change the question. Were you born? Was I born? So forgetfulness actually is the nature of the mind; it is not the nature of the heart. So we have to be careful of these mind traps which say that, 'Ah, when I'm trying to contemplate, I go to my heart and it's all Shanti, Shanti, and no question matters anymore.' Then I only have to use the mind to really contemplate. How can I use my heart to contemplate? Then sadhana is just not possible in that construct. That is just not true. The only true way to contemplate is a heartfelt contemplation, and it doesn't forget.

So I find that these questions that are to do with the Self... it's okay. What about the Maya question? Yes, yes, yes. So let's use the question that I gave you: What are the three things which pull you out of God's presence and into Maya? Tell me when it vanishes from the heart. Don't go to the mind. You know the question still? You don't know? Forgotten? No, it doesn't...

Like when you said 'Who am I?', the vibration of the question seems very associated with the presence. But like this question which you just asked, I can see the mind struggle to keep the question. Yeah, not able to sink it. So that's my question first: how do we sink these kind of questions into contemplation?

So let's do this experiment together. Let's say, let's start with one thing. What is the one thing that pulls you out of God's presence? Contemplate this question in your heart. Tell me when the question is no longer there. Are you saying that it doesn't have like the bite? When we are using the mind to answer, 'I need to find out where I kept my tickets, I have to travel tomorrow,' that kind of question has a bite in the mind. It's troublesome, it causes anxiety, it causes trouble. See? So in the heart question, that kind of bite is not there. We don't need it. We don't need that momentum of that kind of agony to get us to find the question. But biteless, isn't it just naturally there? Or have you forgotten? In the heart, only in our heart we know.

I feel like your mind has made a state, like an idea or a state out of being in the heart, which is like a Nirvikalpa Samadhi or something like that. 'So I go into this, the minute I go to my heart, it's just everything vanishes.' Which is just not true. And it will disallow you from... buying into that notion will not allow you to live a life in the waking state with God's light and God's presence. You will say it is just not possible because to do anything in the waking state, you need to go to your mind. So either those who are saying that we must unceasingly be in God's remembrance and prayer, then they are wrong, because then the only way to do that is to give up on life and sit in a cave and have people organize the food for you at the right time and things. Or it is just a fanciful notion which nobody can ever follow. This is just not true. You can comfortably be in your heart and allow all that is to be contemplated to unfold. What is the state according to you of being in the heart? What are its symptoms? What are its characteristics?

I see this, a shift in the way this is. What is the shift? Firstly, the mind chatter goes off. Yeah, completely. And there is a lot of peace, expansive, a sense of presence. Expansive presence.

And look at this. Like, the highest teacher is whom? Highest teacher is whom? Satguru presence. The Satguru presence, the Atma within. Same thing, isn't it? Now, but it is that heart itself. Yeah. So now how will that be the highest teacher? Because that one can't process any question? So if you go to the Atma and say, 'Lord, please help me with this,' it'll say, 'I don't know what you're saying.' You getting the point? So if accessing that, there is no access to the question, the answer, then how can that be the highest teacher? Because then we are just saying that we go to it and it just wipes everything clean. And all these scriptures came from where? So people say this, 'What were they hearing, this one?'

So the ones who have written the scriptures, whether in whatever religion, they are always known as scribes. Are they known as scribes? What is a scribe? So who are they scribing? Is it their conceptual knowledge? Is it the mind that they are scribing? So if it was beyond the ability to use words, if that ability only belonged to the mind, then no scripture would ever be true and everything would only come from conceptual, intellectual knowledge. This is not so. And you would not come to Satsang because you can just read a book. Why do you need to come? So we come because we want to access that within ourselves, that holy place which has all the answers that are needed. And if that one doesn't get the question, then no question of answering.

To be in the presence, you have to be in Padmasana, spine straight? Only like that it works?

No, no. I think it can make a state like that. No, yeah, many times it can happen like that. There's nothing wrong with Padmasana and keeping the spine straight; it's a very good posture also. But it has no condition. So don't allow it to make any state, like the mind will make a state out of it.

But I think the position that the mind has made is about trivial transactional questions versus spiritual questions. I see this because once there were Satsangs that I had to give, and many times things come out which I don't know. I know it's coming from them because I have never heard it myself or read it anywhere. So I'm familiar with what is. But I think the positioning also is accurate because I think the mind has made a position about the trivial, mundane, material question not getting a response from the Satguru presence. That is where, like even now when you ask the question 'Who am I?', it's very clear the question is there in the heart, the answer is also right there. But earlier questions like 'What should I do next?' or 'Should I take this up?', that is where I think when there's some kind of a desire associated with it, that's where I need your guidance. Is it the mind's position taken that, 'Okay, you have a desire for this, come into that mode as if you're sharing'? Then you still hearing the question?

Yes, no? Yeah, I see a resistance here. When, like say, I just ask this question, 'Should I take up this job, for example?' and then I was trying to go into the sharing, I can sense a resistance. Yeah. Who is resisting? Which part of you? The mind is resisting. So it is not your heart saying, 'Don't come with this kind of question.' Your heart is not saying that. Your heart wants to own all of you. It wants you completely for itself, and that is for your own good. So the heart will not say, 'No, no, this, go to the mind.' Good to notice that resistance and drop it. The tennis match sometimes is tiring.

So you settle for one. Yeah. So sometimes we, you know, you hear like an inner voice and is it like just your mind's intuition or is it God's voice or someone guiding you? And that guidance is very strong and it's probably not coming just from your ideas—I mean, like my ideas. But that doesn't really happen very... or actually there is a God's voice which I don't listen to also because I'm always in my own plans for life for every minute.

Exactly. So how to tell whether it is God's guidance or it is the mind pretending? Many times the mind is pretending to sound very holy. Yeah, I could say in the aftertaste, but the aftertaste is usually too late. Which, it can tell us what tricks not to fall for the next time. Look for the presence of love, look for the presence of like a caring sense, and look for the absence of a rush. That's very important because the mind goes... and even if it's pretending to be the Atma's voice, you can smell the rush behind it. And it'll come in the form of authority: 'You better do like this' or 'You should...'

Tending to sound very holy, yeah, I could say in the aftertaste. But the aftertaste is usually too late, which it can tell us what tricks not to fall for the next time. Look for the presence of Love, look for the presence of like a caring sense, and look for the absence of a rush. That's very important because the mind goes, and even if it is pretending to be the Atma's voice, you can smell the rush behind it. And it'll come in the form of authority: 'You better do like this' or 'You should do like that.' But God's guidance is much more loving. You can see that you're in the presence of holiness.

And therefore, if it is not clear, you must wait. And you must take it to be God's voice only when it is very clear. Till then, keep dropping every idea. The mind will rush you by saying, 'But then I have to book my tickets, I have to do this, I have to plan for what is going to happen next.' You see, it'll push you in that way. But that is how you develop trust and faith in God by making this apparent sacrifice. Because for a while, to sacrifice your plan itself will seem like the biggest sacrifice, to say, 'But I'm wasting time, I don't know what I'm doing.' That itself will seem like the biggest sacrifice. But we have to sacrifice that moment-to-moment, sacrifice our will to follow God's Will. And as your intention to do that becomes more and more, then the guidance will become clearer and clearer.

And remember that as much as you can, don't use the holy presence as a magic genie or something, not a wish device, but more of a complete surrender, more of a becoming infantile. So not saying, 'Oh, I want this to happen now, what should I do?' Instead, you say, 'What would you have me do? What should happen is up to you, and what would you have me do?' It's a complete switch over. You can investigate what you feel you will lose in that process. Feel like losing time? Lose time. And notice for a minute or two the absurdity of that. That that who is the Giver of Life, that who has invented time, that is all time and space—it is just projections in His light. The mind is telling us that if we surrender to that One, we will be actually wasting time or losing time. Quite an absurd idea, but we often fall for it.

'I don't have time to wait for God' is a very, very tricky trick from the mind. Because that patience is a very, very important virtue, very, very important. Because this patience will teach us humility. Otherwise, it can become God's guidance, and otherwise can seem like an entitlement: 'I go to God, but He's not saying anything, so I'm just doing what I want.' It can become like that. But are you willing to wait for an entire lifetime like Shabri did? Shabri did. And these examples, these role models, are for us to emulate in that way.

And what do you mean by saying like a magic genie? Many times we do this: we've already decided what should happen in our life, and then when we find things difficult, we say to God and say, 'I'm praying to you, please help.' So that's not a surrender, because you have to surrender the intention, the outcome, everything. Just like an infant. He's not planning where the next food is going to come from, when the next sleep is going to happen, where it is going to sleep, where it is going to be. It doesn't plan all of that; it is taken care of. And that is really the end of anxiety, the end of anxiety.

Because Nisargadatta Maharaj said, 'Does a fish have to plan every day saying where the next food is going to come from?' A fish is just swimming away merrily, just enjoying—from our perspective, enjoying, I agree—and somehow it gets fed. Lord Jesus said about the birds, He says to us, 'Why are you anxious? Does the bird have to plan where the next food is going to come from, how it is going to build its nest?' I'm paraphrasing, but it doesn't have to, and yet God takes care of them. So why do we feel like God loves us less? If He takes care of the fishes, if He takes care of the birds, why won't He take care of us? Yes.

So don't get into that trap that 'I am now living spontaneously, so I don't book my tickets in advance, I just show up to the airport and wherever, whoever gives me whichever flight, then I just board that.' And just living spontaneously—that is not what we're saying at all. Because then to live spontaneously is also a plan. You have to be... is a child deciding to live spontaneously? No, it doesn't even have that. It doesn't know, exactly. So to first know and then to drop is surrender, you see. If you never knew and it was all dropped anyway, you can't say an infant surrendered. See, we can't say an infant surrendered to God. So we can emulate the life of an infant. After getting conditioned, then to become empty is the surrender. It needs faith, it needs humility, it needs a lot of courage, patience.

Okay. Um, so the sadhus we see, they're actually not doing anything else and they're just taking life as it comes, every... depending on...

Where are you seeing the sadhus? Generally, every 99% of sadhus are more trouble than... more trouble. I had that unfortunate learning when I was younger, that everyone who dresses like a sadu is not a sadu, and not all sadus dress like sadus. Okay? It's about the inner renunciation which makes us a sadu. Can we be empty of attachments? Can we be empty of grasping? That is renunciation. I have to say, unfortunately, many sadus are giving sadus a bad name at times. Unfortunately, we must pray for them. It's not that we have to judge them in this way, but many of them get in through a lot more grasping and even bad habits like alcoholism, drugs.

Let's presume that everybody is a sadu. Then what is the original question?

No, I was going to ask you that, are they following God? That's why they are living just the way as in true... do yes, true, like kind of removed from the regular world. They take it each day as it comes. They may not have food also unless someone gives them, you know, they live there.

More sadus are not worth calling sadus, but... and all countries, we're not picking on India specifically. But there's one sadu who came to satsang once with me. A few have come over the years, but one was at least attempting to be a true sadu. So he said to me very sweetly, 'Ananta Ji, that all is fine when I'm sitting in the satsang hall, all is seeming very fine. But when I go back to my housing, then all the other sadus are fighting with me about who's going to sleep where, how much food everyone gets, all of that.' Yeah, absolutely. And it sounds absurd. I can completely understand the laughter. But what happens? Just by putting on the garb of a sadu, we don't really become sadus. We don't learn to surrender to God.

And I appreciated him so much to come to an open satsang with so many in the room, and he exposed this quite openly. So I found that very refreshing because he did not have the sadu ego, so he was able to share this. And it sounded just like anybody else's question. Because how many have said, 'Oh, in satsang hall it's fine, when I go back to my house or when I go back to work, then all this trouble I face.' Same for them. How many true sadus have you met? The focus is not on 'me, me, me.' Can't be a bhakta and a sadu at the same time, can you?

May I clarify one point, please? So sometimes one feels, um, after meditation or mantra japa, a certain distance between... just a certain openness. It's not clear where the words are coming from. One can't tell whether it's head or heart. It just seems... I guess my question is, is this a way to know whether it could be the head or the heart?

So like I was saying, that the presence of love, the absence of rushing, the absence of any grasping—these are very good ways to know. But I want to make one point which I didn't bring so far, which is that if your intention honestly, honestly is to follow God, then even if the mind fools you, God's grace will take care of you. And God's grace will take care of it anyway. Is that loving? But we should not use that as a blanket excuse to just do our own thing. So we've always found that God's mercy and love converts even the most oppressive-seeming situations into grace. So it's graceful in spite of our intent most times, but especially if your intent is to truly follow God, then He will take care of it.

So just to expand on that what we were saying earlier: suppose this child goes to a sadu who's not really a sadu, just pretending to be a sadu. Then... but her intention is pure, she wants to come closer to God, she wants to find the truth about who she is. Then God's grace will protect her in spite of all of that. And as will... how we know His Will? His Will, you know when you're in His presence. And you know that you're in His presence. If the presence itself is not apparent to you, then you will know through the presence of unconditional love, through the absence of rushing, through the absence of grasping.

And if one is unsure, then just pray. Yes, then don't move. Don't move in that excuse then saying, 'Oh, but Father said if I really want to follow God...' Because if you're unsure, then it's a test of your patience. Just have to be patient with integrity. If you fully feel that God is guiding you this way, then God will of course take care of that situation. But if you're just using it as an excuse to have your way in the guise of pretending to be God's Will, then grace will still bless you, of course, but that is not being true to ourselves. How can we... how will God discriminate? Exactly, I'm saying. So to be in God's presence is to follow His Will. How do you know that you're in God's presence? If the presence itself is not palpable to you, then wait till there's a presence of unconditional love and wait for the absence of rushing and grasping.

So keep praying, keep praying, keep doing the inquiry. It's opening up things within us that we don't know the mechanics of. To have a lifeline which is a constant lifeline for you—like if you can make a prayer your lifeline, then that's really helpful. If you can make the inquiry your constant companion, that's really helpful. That is the tools that you're going to come to.

Okay, there's a question. There's no limit to live 100%, Father. And I feel like my heart knows that I'm giving 100%. It also feels like it is 0.1% at the same time.

That's very good. That's the endless loop for me. That's a beautiful loop. It's a beautiful loop that, 'I'm giving it my all, but I can see that there's so much more to go. I'm just a beginner.' That's very good. Don't worry, it's good. So this is a good contemplation, and we've discussed it so many times, but I feel like just to give it some quiet time to just notice for yourself what the fragrance of God's presence feels like versus being caught up in the mind and all your layers. Like even what He feels like. I can give you one hint, which is your forehead is definitely different when you're with God and when you're with the mind. Just that one simple clue is itself enough. Are you contemplating that? What is God's light? What is God's presence? What is God's love? What does it feel like? And you know, I'm not saying feeling-feeling, what's the texture of it?

Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. As we... there is very little difference between His name and His presence. A mind will not understand this.

Connected, exactly. So when we take His name, naturally connected. So His remembrance is not very different from His presence. So it's about your intention that you turn towards Him. Remember that metaphor I used about the temple? The sanctum sanctorum may seem like it is empty and dark, His presence may not seem apparent, but our job is to keep turned in that way. The apparency of the presence is His business. We cannot do anything at all, not one inch, to make it more palpable. We have no power there. But we have the power to let go of the false and to remain inward-facing through all the tools that the Masters have given us, through inquiry and surrender, prayer. Okay. So if you have a sense of what it is to be in the presence, what is your break?

The inner sanctum may seem like it is empty and dark. His presence may not seem apparent, but our job is to keep turned in that way. The apparency of the presence is His business. We cannot do anything at all, not one inch, to make it more palpable. We have no power there. But we have the power to let go of the false and to remain inward-facing through all the tools that the Masters have given us: through inquiry and surrender, prayer. Okay, so if you have a sense of what it is to be in the presence, what is your breakout point or breakaway point? Like, how much does the mind have to tickle you or itch you for you to come out of God's presence into the 'me' mode? It's very important to know this for ourselves and to keep working on that.

Like for some, it can be the slightest insult. How someone called me a fool—they are a fool! We come out of that. The slightest rub the wrong way can bring us to our pride instead of God's presence. For some, and especially the lives of the embodiments of God, the Avatars, the incarnations, we saw that they had the strongest temptations, the strongest oppression, and they remained in God's presence so that we could emulate. So what is needed for us to snap out of God? What needs to happen now in this world? It's good to notice that if it is true. And that is why humility is so important, because if you are humble, then we won't be pulled out that easily.

There's a beautiful Litany of Humility that I shared some time ago. Let me see. So, the Litany of Humility goes like this: 'O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, hear me.' So Jesus is being recognized for his qualities of meekness and humility already, and we are praying to him, 'Hear me.' 'From the desire of being esteemed, deliver me, O Jesus.' So, the desire to be esteemed is the absence of humility first. 'And the desire of being loved, deliver me, O Jesus.' This can hit hard because it can feel like an entitlement, that I'm entitled to love. But when we are humble, then we recognize love as a gift, not an entitlement.

'From the desire of being extolled, deliver me, O Jesus.' Extolled—what is extolled? Praised. 'From the desire of being honored, deliver me, O Jesus. From the desire of being praised, deliver me, O Jesus. From the desire of being preferred to others, deliver me, O Jesus.' Preferred to others—how many of us feel like we have to be seen as special, preferred? All of us. All of these apply to all of us. That's why it's a lifetime of work to become more and more humble.

This one is very nice: 'From the desire of being consulted, deliver me, O Jesus.' Some of us get that sort of value, feel special when people consult us. That becomes a desire, that I should be the one that was consulted. 'From the desire of being approved, deliver me, O Jesus.' What is the manifestation of this in today's world? In the earlier world, it was not so much. Now it is likes, shares, comments. But in so many ways, 'From the desire to be approved, deliver me, O Jesus. From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me, O Jesus.' Strong one. 'From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me, O Jesus. From the fear of being despised, deliver me, O Jesus.' Despised, hated. 'From the fear of suffering rebukes, deliver me, O Jesus.' We want to be spoken to in a certain way and not rebuked.

'From the fear of being calumniated, deliver me, O Jesus.' What's that? Let's see. To make false and defamatory statements about someone. So, slanderous. Yeah, from slander. 'From the fear of being forgotten, deliver me, O Jesus.' So, the great sages have said: Share the light of God, die, be forgotten. How many of us want to live like that truly? And be forgotten doesn't mean just be forgotten after you die—I'm dead anyway. Share the light of God so that not so that people remember you, but so that people remember God. I don't want to share anymore, although I did want to when I started, I don't want to share anymore where people say that Ananta is sharing well. I want you only to be God-obsessed. At the end of Satsang, may Ananta be forgotten, truly. From the fear of being forgotten—very, very important.

'From the fear of being ridiculed, deliver me, O Jesus. From the fear of being wronged, deliver me, O Jesus.' How many of us feel that these things don't belong in the Litany of Humility? They do. Fear of being wronged. 'From the fear of being suspected, deliver me, O Jesus.' Then very nice also, this part: 'That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.' Others may be loved more than I, grant me the grace to desire it. 'That others may be esteemed more than I, that in the opinion of the world others may increase and I may decrease.' You see? And these prayers are very beautiful because many times when we start, we feel like there is no capacity in us to live like this. But as you keep praying for it with as much sincerity and integrity as we can muster, it deepens within us. It cleans us up from within.

So, it is a famous line in the Bible: 'I must decrease for Him to increase.' It is the same thing as me and God cannot be together. The lane is too narrow. So, but in this case, he is saying others may increase, not just saying it for God. Our brothers and sisters, may they be seen, may they grow, and may I decrease. 'That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.' The grace to desire it itself, because to desire it itself requires so much help from God. 'That others may be praised and I go unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.'

That's beautiful. Even to desire that others, my brothers and sisters, may become holier than I, but provided that I may become as holy as I should, as I need to, because I don't want to lead an unholy life. So, but may my brothers and sisters be given even more holiness than I ever will. So beautiful. Some of these things you can tell the hand of the Atma has been guiding, has guided the outpouring of these words where it looks at the human condition so closely. So don't feel like these things are far-fetched, because the mind will block you immediately by saying that's too far-fetched.

Okay, let's go quickly, let's read it once again. 'O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, hear me. From the desire of being esteemed, deliver me, O Jesus. From the desire of being loved, deliver me, O Jesus. From the desire of being extolled, deliver me, O Jesus. From the desire of being honored, deliver me, O Jesus. From the desire of being praised, deliver me, O Jesus. From the desire of being preferred to others, deliver me, O Jesus. From the desire of being consulted, deliver me, O Jesus. From the desire of being approved, deliver me, O Jesus. From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me, O Jesus. From the fear of being despised, deliver me, O Jesus. From the fear of suffering rebukes, deliver me, O Jesus. From the fear of being calumniated, deliver me, O Jesus. From the fear of being forgotten, deliver me, O Jesus. From the fear of being ridiculed, deliver me, O Jesus. From the fear of being wronged, deliver me, O Jesus. From the fear of being suspected, deliver me, O Jesus. That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That in the opinion of the world others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be praised and I go unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.'

Are you getting the connection between all of this and remaining in God's presence? So all of the things will trip you up if your mind says, 'Oh, but you got insulted, oh, but they didn't look at you, they didn't call you, you've been ignored, you're not the special one, nobody ever looks at you, nobody praises you.' All these things, when the mind tempts you with them, they pull you out of His will, out of His presence. Now you yourself are praying for them, and as it truly deepens, you will see that the mind loses its ability to pull you out of God's light using these tricks. So your inquiry will deepen, your prayer will deepen, your remaining in God's love and light will deepen. Because if you have one of those things, you can't remain open and empty. It's just a fallacy we get into, these traps: 'I just remain open and empty, but I want to keep my pride, I want to be known.' It's not possible.

So allow all of this to drown in your love for God, with love over pride. The world is oppressing you—you love God. You feel like everybody's unfair, they don't understand you, they misunderstand you—in fact, you love God. You feel like you will die unnoticed in spite of all the good work you apparently did—be all right with dying unnoticed. You love God. Deepen in that holy relationship rather than in this realm of Maya. All this is dying. All the name and fame that you make is going to die soon. All the world attachments that you make are going to die soon. So like Kabir Ji says, you cannot expect to plant cotton seeds and then to reap grapes from there. And remember that where you plant is where you will reap. Where are you planting? What are you planting? Okay, let's go to Sant.

Hi Ananta Ji. Thank you. Your conversation earlier with the gentleman just was very beautiful here to see something, because I had a bit of a similar sense. Like, from the state of Oneness, I rather like when trying to be in God's will, to listen, to see what is God's will or to speak from there always, to act from there always. Although there's really nothing else I want more, and I don't have anything to really save really, like if I'm all in about that part. But then I also sense a more fearful quality when that is, or a more discerning quality, or sort of figuring out. And compared to what I'm doing also with Rupert's yoga meditations and or actually or just with pure perception to just go to the heart of what is actually here, and then that leaves no doubt that even whatever appears to be, it's only God, like it's only awareness. So that feels like I'm completely relieved of, like it's another realm altogether. Like navigating through time through decision or a 'me' who would take those decisions, it's just a very sweetness, direct manifestation of God each moment. And it feels like even the mind, even making a mistake or going with a personal 'me', that it just happens out of God, and it gets cleaned and cleaned just through the love of—I can't, I don't know how it happens actually.

But this is the part I said that we leave that to answer later, which is that even our going to pride, all of that, the play of the ego, selfishness, all of that is still obviously God's will because everything is God's will. And yet we must follow God's will by following God's will. Both are true, which the mind can never really understand, and that is fine. Because when you said actually that God wants all of you also, you think that He can't answer this question like He's—and then I could see, yeah, I could also, there's a resistance maybe here, or not a conscious resistance, but just an idea that no, this is already like it would be a personal 'me' who would get the answer and this dualistic relationship then starts, and then I don't want that. So then I'm a bit closing myself in some way to actually being open to be guided more deeply also in a more active connection with God, like actually that He can actually speak more clearly through me what is His will. And also I could sense then from you this, that it is really possible to not live by my will at all and just—so beautiful, this possibility. Yes, thank you.

Be a personal 'me' who would get the answer, and this dualistic relationship then starts, and then I don't want that. So then I'm a bit closing myself in some way to actually being open to be guided more deeply also, in a more active connection with God, like actually that He can actually speak more clearly through me, yeah, what is His will. And also I could sense then from you this, that is really possible to not live by my will at all. And just so beautiful, this possibility. Yes, yeah. Thank you, Father. I love you very much.

Love you very much too. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, let's go to K.

Hello, Father. Thank you so much. Um, when you ask what can pull me away from God, it's very, in these past weeks, let's say, it's very clear that there is this desire for a home. And it's a desire about, it's a want about the children. And I see that, like, we changed ten homes in the past six months, and two or three in the past two, three weeks, which is a lot. Yes, it is. And yeah, and I could see how the mind aspires for a home for the children and myself. And yeah, it's making lots of predictions. And I also see like when the children are sick or when there are issues with any of them, um, yeah, like this satsang I could see, and even when I'm in satsang, I used to take the children to Sahaja and we'd be together, we had to be together in satsang. And I see an interest sometimes, how they are attending satsang. And today, because I know Ken also wants to come up and wants to share something with you and seek your guidance, but because of his, I guess, troubles at the moment, I could see that I was onto him. 'What are you doing? Just put your hand up' and just guiding him in different ways. And I had to move. I left the room and I said, 'You join yourself.' But yeah, this is where I am. I actually, I was in a couple of weeks ago, I think this prayer came to me when I was contemplating and I was asking Father God to take away everything from me and just leave only Him. And then a couple of minutes after, I was very concerned about the children.

Yes. So I just feel like my guidance to you is not changing, which is that somehow I don't get the sense that you're really trying to pray 100% or to inquire 100% all the time. I just don't have that sense. And I'm not at all trying to be harsh; I'm just trying to see how I can guide you to break this sort of pattern that for whatever reason, some or the other reason, keeps pulling us out of our prayer, out of our inquiry, out of being in God's presence. And I'm hoping that somehow as I'm saying this, you notice that this is true, that for some or the other, in some or the other pretext, we find a way to step out of that holiness of God's presence. Is it like this?

It is like this. I observed yesterday how, yeah, when the children are not well, it's just chaos.

And yeah, and I understand. I understand that these circumstances can come and in those days it's really difficult. Now remind me, what is the mechanism by which you're trying to remain in the unceasing light of God?

Sometimes it's very easy. It's like presence.

But what is the tool? What is the tool that you're using? I'm just saying, what is the tool that you're using?

I'm using a tool to remain in God's presence? Yeah, I think when I see myself pulled away, it's probably the mind that realizes, 'Hey, you went in the woods.' That's too late.

Isn't there a tool that you're using constantly? Because once you rely on the noticing that you stepped away, then that noticing could happen after an hour, after two hours, after the whole day is gone. That is not a worthy use of our time. There must be an anchor. There must be an anchor which keeps us anchored in to God's presence. And what is the expression of that anchor that you're trying to apply in your life on a daily basis?

Presence normally. And if I'm busy doing something, it's the prayer is what you're asking me.

Yeah. So are you finding honestly that, suppose you're not busy, then without using even a reminder of open and empty or detached witnessing or self-inquiry or the prayer, that when you're not so busy you're naturally just with the presence without any tool?

I find myself waking up in the morning with the Sahaja contemplation. Yeah, okay, so that's a tool that I'm using. That's very, yeah. And it's then the Sahaja energy and everything that comes from the field, I guess. And after that, because the children sleep longer, I have some time to—I wouldn't use 'marinate'—but I have some time to abide here. Yes, that's good. And then if the active, when the active life comes in, I see I'm still here, you know, and I'm still present. And I can go to the beach and I can find easily the presence, or not even like find it because it doesn't necessarily go away. But there might be short moments when I'm not present. Okay, and if I'm driving and I see, I don't know, there is noise around me, I might just say the prayer inside me or I might even say it loud in the car. Ken has actually learned the prayer himself as well. My only thing is, let me stop you sometimes, like just give me a second because, good, I was in a pub and we were in the toilet and it was full of God's presence. Okay, so it's not... but there are things that... and what I'm describing to you is not from three years ago or from two, it's from two days ago. Okay, it's more like when these guys are sick and I need to move the next day and I'm looking to buy a house in the next morning, it seems that I don't rely on this and I go here.

So, given that you're so clear that you're mostly in God's presence, how can I help you?

I'm not mostly, because when I put my hand up at the beginning of satsang, it's because I was not. I was in the woods. Okay, I'm tired. I'm concerned about my son.

What is the help that you're looking for?

Put it then here and then abide here. And I return during satsang. Okay, at some point in time by grace, I return here. And then I went to the other room to check what Ken is doing. It's like there is a lack of belief that He takes care of everything. What to do? What I'm saying is that my first life master, which is my Reiki master, called me. I don't necessarily believe in predictions, so say like that somehow what he shared with me, it had some reality. And he said on this path he's going to... I don't even remember the words, but the way I see it, I see these energies playing in Ken in a way, the challenging Shakti.

Who is God? Who is God?

The creator of the universe.

What is He like?

Loving, kind.

What is our life like in His presence? Is it hellish or heaven-like?

Heaven-like.

So you must be careful, because sometimes in satsang we have this, I have this tendency to reduce the presence to like a scientific space within ourselves. Like in the atmosphere there are layers, and I don't remember my geography or whatever it was so much to remember those layers, but you have this layer and then you have that layer, you have this layer. And it can seem like, 'Oh, but I go within and I can stay with this layer,' as if it's like a biochemical construct or something like that. And somewhere we are forgetting that we are saying that it is God's presence. And our life has to be such a huge blessing for us to be able to report that if I'm driving the car, I'm in His presence; I visit the restroom and I'm in His presence. These words must be full of gratitude and rejoicing and love and light. But somehow it doesn't sound like that. Why doesn't it sound like that? If His presence is heavenly, then why doesn't it sound like that?

Because I want my son to be in the same heaven with me.

So to leave heaven yourself will help that? It's a good point to laugh, because to call someone into heaven, we must be firmly established there. Your life will show him that he needs to be in heaven more than anything that you can say to him. You must be careful of this deconstruction that can happen in satsang where we reduce Consciousness, God's light, God's presence, the Atma within, into something which is just almost trivial, where the holiness is forgotten, the rejoicing, the gratitude for the gift is forgotten. It almost becomes like a personal accomplishment, something that we are doing. Whereas we can only turn. And if in God's presence, if in His love and light there is no problem that needs resolving, then why is there a problem that needs resolving?

Because it feels maybe I created it, or there is a guilt feel that I haven't been parenting or guiding him well enough that he slipped away.

Yes. So the dichotomy between the words of your report and what life seems to be showing us is something that we need to really deeply look at. One is so almost sage-like in their sadhana. I'm not saying you're at the sage line, but it is symptomatic if you say that in the most absurd-sounding circumstances you're still in God's presence.

That's because she's very pure. And if you sit with her on the toilet, it's just, she's very silent. It's not because I'm a sage or anything like that, it's just...

And now she's with you or not?

Yeah, she's been very much in satsang since she started and she's been very quiet. Like she would normally want music or something else, but she's very present in satsang.

The last question I have for you is that, do you feel like there's any work to be done or no?

There is work, Father. How can you say there is no work?

Because in your answer earlier it seemed like you're pretty much sorted, except that you're having a bad day.

I didn't want to say that I'm sorted or anything like that. It's more like...

Did it seem like my question about how you're remaining in God's presence was kind of an attack and then you had to be like a little defensive in your response, or no?

I didn't feel I had to defend anything in that. And I wanted also, maybe at some point I wanted to say that it seems that it's easier to be in God's presence in the morning and in the first part of the day, and then along the day going, it seems that more energies or mental spaces get accumulated. Um, yeah. And yeah, maybe it's harder to keep the focus on God in presence. What I felt, some sort of head energy when you said that sometimes we take the ephemeral to be God's presence. I think that's how—you didn't use this, but you said something important. It is rare for me to... no, that's not true. It's not what I... okay, about myself also, like I feel if I can remember it, it must be important. And this is somehow, this triggered my attention that maybe I'm not true in my seeing. And I didn't mean like if I find God in the toilet, I don't mean that I'm a sage or anything like that. It's just, it was a maybe more intimate space in the place we were in. But I feel to say, if you feel that what I take as God's presence is not true...

So let me make that clear, that there was no reference to that aspect at all, that what you're taking to be God's presence is not God's presence. My only question is that for one who is living their life so deeply in God's presence—which means that my question is about the amount of time spent and not the quality of the presence being met, you see—it is, your report seems to convey that most of your time goes in God's presence and you're quite vigilant and you're able to spot the adventures into the mind fairly quickly, and you don't even need to mostly use any tool or anchor to bring you back because you can notice it for yourself quite fast. And I'm just noticing that dichotomy between our history of the reports that you had and the content of that report, which is that it seems quite straightforward except that today is a very bad day because of the housing situation, and yesterday was a bad day because...

You're quite vigilant and you're able to spot the adventures into the mind fairly quickly, and you don't even need to mostly use any tool or anchor to bring you back because you can notice it for yourself quite fast. And I'm just noticing that dichotomy between our history of the reports that you had and the content of that report, which is that it seems quite straightforward—except that today is a very bad day because of the housing situation. And yesterday was a bad day because... either I can take your word for it and say that actually to be in the presence is not really difficult or a big deal, or I can try to get a sense from the fragrance that you're emanating and what that is telling me. So I've learned over the years to rely on the latter than the former.

Yeah, me too. That's why I put my hand up, because I knew it's...

Yeah, so why don't we do one thing? When this housing thing is a little resolved, then it's not so much pressure. Then when you feel like you have a half-relaxed day—because no day will be fully relaxed, but you have some space in a particular day—then why don't you just throughout the day make some notes about how it is going? Like every half an hour, from your heart, make a report to yourself.

I don't want to wait or leave it for when the housing or the children are okay. It's not something I... this is not a good deal. I'm sorry.

Okay, don't. I'm even happier with that. So let's not wait. Let's do it tomorrow or today itself, that every half an hour you make a report from your heart in your satsang notebook, if you made one. I've not seen you taking any notes so far, but in your notebook, write down and say: how was the last half an hour? Was I distracted or was my focus on God? Was I with my presence or was I thinking mostly in the head? And make this every half an hour. You can set an alarm on most phones to ring every half an hour and to remind you. And I'm happy to hear that. Okay, thank you. Because one of the most dangerous things that can happen—and I'm not saying it's happening to you—is when the idea we have about our life is very different from what our life actually is.

Yeah, it's awesome.

So it's better to dig in more deeply and to really investigate if it is true, because one of Maya's greatest tricks is to convey a picture to us of our life which is a certain way, and when we really dig in, we may see that it is different. And actually, I'll be very happy if your report every half an hour says, 'I'm with God and I have been with God.'

Which... the happiest today I haven't. I woke up late for the contemplation. I slept little last night. Yes, I tried to listen to satsang and it wasn't going in or coming in.

And that's what I'm talking about. The symptoms show us something. And that's why I also said that today is an exceptional day, or yesterday was an exceptional day. Then take a day which is not an exceptional day so that you truly get a sense of what most of your life is like.

I don't want to live exceptional days.

Then don't. Not in this sense of being an exception. And I don't want you to live exceptional days either.

Happy to do it. So I don't care if I have to move houses or if he is sick.

I'm very glad you are saying that.

And I don't have to... what you're saying is true. He should take care of it.

Okay, no. You have to check with me. You have to make that homework. You have to walk with me on this path because remember that we can pray for God's grace together, but the cost of discipleship we have to pay.

But that shouldn't be my son, okay? Or my children. The cost of discipleship is my work, efforts.

Are you setting that rule for God, or who are you saying that to? Are we going to now educate God about how He should run this thing and how it should happen?

I'm not... my children, okay. And do you feel that if God is going to take our children through some tests or some this thing, it is for their well-being or for just to trouble them? I don't know. I can't trust that without...

I can understand that, but must remember, although it is tough—and as a parent I would also find it very, very tough—the point is that somewhere we have to recognize that the only judgment of whether it is good or bad, whether it comes from God or not...

I don't think it comes from God, what is happening with him.

If I listen to Guruji, he says even the devil is also from God. What interest would God have to attack the children? And do you know for sure that they're being attacked?

I see him sick and distracted.

So let's show him how to do it differently, because otherwise he'll say, 'I see Mom sick and distracted.' The mom says, 'I see the baby sick and distracted.' Both are reflecting of each other. So if he is the mirror now, then let us show him the way through our life and not just through our words. That ailment, that affliction that you're noticing in him, do you feel that he notices that in you?

I feel it's a mirror. Both my children are mirrors, not in my life just... which side do we need to really work on first? Sorry, the internet broke when you said...

Which side do you feel like we need to work on first?

I work on myself, and that work then he will see and he will mirror that as well.

What did you write for when I said, 'What are the top three things that take you away from God?'

I only put two. I put the house and the children's welfare. Is that for today or is that for every day? It's for every day. It's just today is more obvious because there is both the house and the children. One of them, yes, are deviating from what I want. When I say house, it is the material comfort, because it can be food and shelter. Maybe good. I feel like we have enough.

Thank you. Enough fuel to work on. So let's contemplate this and I'd be very happy if you were to take that half-an-hour diary and tell me next time what it was.

I will. Thank you so much. I'm very grateful to you. And if I don't necessarily bite that vibration now or reflect that vibration...

There's nothing we can really do to embody the vibration. It just... it can't help itself. It can't help itself. So don't worry about what you're emanating, just follow the work that needs to be done. Yeah, okay. Thank you. Let's go to Georgie, Ano, and Sam. They want to come.

Hello, Father.

Hello.

I wanted to talk a little bit more about the prayer that you brought today, because it coincides with what I wrote down at the beginning of satsang when you asked us to write down what is keeping us. Yeah, so it's pretty much the same thing. Yeah, hard to talk about this, but it's basically a master list. No, it looks like the whole list is listed down there. Okay, I was reading, 'Deliver me from the desire of being loved and from the desire of being preferred to others.' And when you asked us to write down stuff, I saw that this is what is keeping me this morning and also what has been keeping me since childhood. And not every day, but it does come up strongly and for many, many years. And yeah, it seems that it... I can see that it prevents from even seeking for God because it comes from a desire of being healed, you know.

So if you were to simply put it, would you say that when you feel that you're not loved, others may be loved more than you, then that brings you to a mindy or egotistical space instead of remaining in God?

Yes. I increased the volume of the speaker. It's a good time right now because it's alive. And yeah, it comes... yeah, because it's been going on for so long and it feels such a fundamental... I know I'm analyzing now, but it feels like such a fundamental need for human beings to want to be loved.

Yes, it does. In fact, all of them seem like that, some more than others. It's true, it's true. There are some more than others. So then what are the saints trying to tell us what to do with our fundamental rights, you know? Because the secret is what? The secret is that what we are looking for from the world, actually God is giving us already.

Is that where the healing lies, Father? I can't let go of the idea of healing.

Yeah, that's where the healing is. Okay, suppose that you were loved by everyone in the world. Where would you feel that love?

Inside. Inside is the word that comes, but I don't know what you...

Yes, inside. The inside is good. So this inside, whose domain is that inside?

God's.

God's. Very good. So the Kingdom of Heaven is inside us, within us. So if God did not let you feel that love in the inside and yet the whole world loved you, would that love then be meaningful from the world?

No.

Now what we have to check: whether independent of what we get from the world or not, there is a presence of an unconditional love already within ourselves. Okay? And if there is that which is independent of the world and we learn to rely only on that love, which is God's love for us and our love for God—which is the same thing—then won't it be so freeing that we are not reliant on what view the world has of us? Or does it always have to be something that comes from outside and then felt inside?

No, definitely not like that.

So suppose I also tell you that there is nothing that we can do in the human condition, as you called it, that entitles you to any love from anyone outside.

There's nothing that I can do that entitles me?

Yeah, no. Yeah, okay. So we can accept that. That we may be in our eyes the best one, the nicest one, the sweetest, those around us then are forced in some way to... I'm losing you, Father. I don't know if everyone else is, but I think it's your mic.

Maybe my mic. I'll sit up and speak a bit. Yeah. So if we can all accept that whether people love us or not, we have nothing to do with it. This is a very important... it seems a very big point because it's when you're... those that are to love you when you're... and the completion of that point is that whether we love our brothers or sisters or not, we have everything to do with it. Yeah, we have nothing to do with them loving us back, but we have to love the one that God puts in front of us. It's a tough lesson and we are all learning these lessons in love and how to love. God is teaching us so unconditionally. To love my brother is my job and I cannot shy away from that job. But whether he loves me back is none of my business. In the same way, unconditionally to offer myself to God and to put myself in His hands, to be completely, deeply, in every way devoted to Him is my job. What He does with me in return is none of my business. And we learn these lessons usually the very hard way. All of us are learning these lessons. I'm every day learning these lessons.

What is God trying... what is God trying to tell us if He puts us in these situations over and over again? Because what triggers here is a desire to heal.

Yeah, yeah. So we can never really say. We have to look only into that specific situation with our heart, and these lessons are learned mostly wordlessly. So it's very difficult to really pinpoint and say, 'This is what God is trying to teach us.' But to learn to love unconditionally is the holy fuel to the fire, for the fire of our spirituality. One thing I want to clarify is that—and Kabir Ji actually taught me this—so he taught me that love is not love unless it involves God. It is impossible to love your brother, your sister, unless it is about God. Is it? So we have to love the one in front of us because that's the one God has put in front of us to love. And love is not love unless it involves God. It's about God.

Father, how do I go from the desire for those... for the desire for those people that were supposed to love me to love me, and to 'it's none of my business what they feel or how they...'? Yeah, how do I go from...

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. That's a good question. So suppose that this problem has been there for a long, long time. Suppose there must have been still days where you recently fell in love with someone and you did not care about whether they loved you or not. Were...

Love, unless it involves God, it's about God.

Father, how do I go from the desire for those people that were supposed to love me to love me, and to it's none of my business what they feel or how they—yeah, how do I go from—thank you, that's a good question.

So suppose that this problem has been there for a long, long time. Suppose there must have been still days where you recently fell in love with someone and you did not care about whether they loved you or not. Were there days like that?

Yes. Whether I fell in love with someone and didn't care if—the childhood, or I didn't care about the person that I was in love with?

No, no. You did not care about what your family—how your family is treating you or others are treating you because your space was fully so taken by that love in that moment for that new love that you found, that it was not—you didn't bother about how your family treated you or whether they loved you or not, at least for a day or two, if not longer.

Yes, it's with God it's like that.

Yeah, so that's exactly what I was going to say. That it is something that we have to do and something which is already there, which may seem contradictory, but it is not. Both are true: that we must fall in love with God that way, that your plate is so full, that your cup is so full, that you're not looking at it getting full from anywhere else. Because the secret is, again, that our cup only gets full from there, no matter what it seems like on the outside. So may your cup be full in this way, and may it overflow so that then the outpouring which is happening in your life then becomes spread, then spreads to everything, everything that you touch.

So I let go of the desire?

Yes, go. Just love God. Is He like that childhood crush where for a few days you didn't remember anything else? Nothing else seemed that important. Fall so madly in love with God that all this worldly play is just like a movie you're watching. Most important relationship in your heart. Because if He cuts the oxygen supply of love in your heart, then your whole—the whole world may love you, but you will not feel it in your heart. But if you cultivate that, if you deepen in your love for God, then it won't matter to you what the world is doing, and yet you will love them deeply, because the love for God reflects into the love for our brothers and sisters organically.

I guess that I know I have lived these words that you're saying right now, but not most of my time. And this is why these things seem to have so much weight still.

Yeah, just love God. Understand Him, and don't even understand your life. Just love God. And if you feel like some grasping for love from outside comes, turn that into your loving God. These mechanics of the heart cannot be explained, but they can be—we can learn them. So when you grasp for love from the outside, just go deeper with Him and love Him more deeply. Can I tell you that He is the only faithful one? He is the only faithful one. And if we deepen in our faithful love towards Him, then that will be the only faithful relationship we can have, because even in human faithfulness, death will break it at one point or the other. Is it so? The only faithful, reciprocal love is going to be our love with God. Is it so? Build that, my child. Build that. Work on that relationship. Whatever tools the world has taught us about building relationships and working on relationships, build that with God. How much are we talking to Him every day? You want to fall in love with God and God to fall in love with you—are we talking to Him? Are we spending time with Him? Are we opening ourselves up to Him? The more you do that, the more you deepen your relationship. So apply everything that the world tells us we have to do in a worldly way, apply that to God. Share with him, laugh with him, cry with him. You will see that He will reciprocate a million times over. Coming or going, welcome. Let's go to Ano.

Thank you, Ananta Ji. Thank you. And I just wanted to step in front of a clear mirror of you to see myself with your eye. What is not true in me? What is still false? Because I just see how much we cannot see ourselves truly. And I—yes, I don't know if you already want to say something or—how is your day today?

Oh, it is very hot today.

I'm not constantly with God, Ananta. I'm not fully and not continuously with God. And I have to also—I have to admit when I have some suffering, some very, very hard, difficult emotion, I straight jump to pray and contemplate and stop and whatever I have. But when things are going too well and, you know, sometimes I just forgot about what is the most important for me—at least I think this is the most important for me, and I hope this is not false, but sometimes I feel maybe I don't know. And also sometimes I feel I get a bit farther from you, Ananta Ji, from God.

So what are the guardrails? What is the net that you're using, especially when times are good? Because this is, firstly, very good to spot: that we turn to God when we are suffering, but we easily forget about Him when things seem to be going fine. And things seem to be going fine, so what have you designed for yourself so that you don't fall into that trap?

Yes, I usually have a—actually, it is just when it comes to my mind, 'Oh my God, I didn't think about anything like God or anything now for half a day.' And then I, 'Oh my God, how can this time go so fast without—I'm just passing the life, I'm just wasting my time.' And then I sit down fast and I just stop and sometimes just close my eyes.

Okay, very good. So this noticing method, which some of us seem to be employing, may not be the safest method to use because, like you noticed in half a day, but it could be half a life, isn't it? We could forget. Just like things are going well, they're going well, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, and half our life is gone. And then we notice, 'Ah, I'm now close to the end of this life and I forgot about God.' You see? So it is Grace that you remembered in half a day, but that may not be the safest approach to take, no? Isn't it? So can you feel an alternative way to do this?

Of course. Yes. What is that alternative way? Oh, I thought you will—yes, I—maybe I will make a timetable. I mean, what you suggested to Karay, to every half an hour. And actually, when I wake, sometimes it's just automatic, and this is a Grace, this is like a blessing. But sometimes I just feel—I don't know why—but sometimes I just feel so good then I just don't touch anything.

I understand. But look at it this way: that Grace, God's Grace, makes God available to us. He makes Himself available to us. Then He does not leave. Has He ever left after making Himself available to us? He has never left, you see. He never said, 'Okay, my time is out, your time is up.' You see? 'For an additional hour you have to pay more.' He has never said that, no. But why does He let me leave?

Why he let you? You see, so like I have two children, no? Two biological children and so many of the satsang children. So if, just for them to love me, I force them to sit in a room with me all day, then would I really call that love from them to me? No. To know, to see whether they really love me, I have to give them their space, you see? And that is true for all human love also, no? That if you're in a marriage, then you say that you can't go anywhere without me, you see? Then is that really love? So we may say that now, 'Why does He let me leave You?' But then He could have made us a plant or something. He could have made the plant where he just planted in one place and we don't have any—apparently, I don't know how the plant life is, but supposedly they cannot leave Him, no? They have to rely on His love and intelligence every moment. But He's not made us like a plant.

Ananta, there was a time in my life and I was too desperate and every moment, every second, I just wanted, wanted. And I found this wanting is too strong and this wanting does separate me from God. And then I changed my tactic, I mean my way to be in God's presence. And now it is a little bit maybe on the other side now. And because I see this very strong wanting, why not pray all the time? I could pray.

You should. You should make that 'could' into 'should.' It'll be good, yeah.

Yes, of course. I just wanted to admit again something: that I a little bit changed the prayer, and I know this is—it's okay, it's okay. Is it? Because I don't see I am a sinner. I see as a separated instead of—and I don't know why it's working.

What is your definition of sin? Sinner?

Sinner is the one who—because this is—yes, a sinner is—I don't want to say I am a sinner because it may generate some, I don't know, vibration or something that I don't want to create myself as a sinner.

Yeah, it's fine. You don't have to use the word 'sinner.' But what is your definition of a sin?

Sin is someone who is making bad things because they want to do it. Not because they just—they want to hurt others, they want to do bad things, they want to—yes.

Okay, it's good. So they want to do bad things. Now give me the definition of a good thing versus a bad thing.

Like a good thing: if I want others to be in love, be with God, find the truth—this is the good to others. The bad to others: to separate them all from this.

Okay, very good. So how to know really what is good and what is bad? Because the mind never says, 'You do this thing, it's going to be a bad thing, but do it.' It always presents it as a good thing, isn't it?

Yes, but sometimes by emotion, maybe I get angry or something to someone and just for a second something comes to my mind and, 'Okay, I need to revenge.'

If we involve emotions at this moment, it'll become a little more complex. So let's start with the simple one first. Doesn't the mind present even that which turned out to be a bad thing—but when it presented it to us, it presented as if it's a good thing?

Yeah, he's doing like this, so yeah.

Now, if you follow the mind's presentations of every good thing, then does that mean that we are leading a good life or we are doing only good things?

We don't know what we are doing.

Exactly, my child. Exactly. So is there a way that we can know what is good and what is not good? Let's not even say bad, because bad is like sin only. Let's not use the word if it troubles us.

We are really blind. We don't know anything. Just true.

Now, is there a way we could know?

Maybe in—there is no—only God knows. We never know.

Yes, God will know. And—yes, sorry.

So when we follow God's will, could that ever be a bad thing?

If we are sure this is God's will, never. But when we are not sure and we just guess, that can be very—exactly. Is there a way to become clearer and clearer about that? I would—I don't know. But I—no, I don't know. Yes, of course there is a way, because you are like this, so there must be a way. But I'm not sure if I am on—let me present the question in a different way. Suppose that with integrity, fully, truly, we feel that we are following God's will by not rushing, by waiting for the presence of unconditional love, by not grasping at personal things—all the tools that you've been given in satsang. And still we got confused by the mind, in spite of all of this, that our intention was to only follow God's will but we got confused by the mind and we followed that way. If a brother or sister did that, would you call that doing a bad thing?

No.

Is it? So the intention to fully follow God's will is the only thing we can do to remain in God's will, isn't it? Only way.

Okay, very good.

Now, to not do that, to say, 'Okay, I realize God's will is something else but I want to do this,' or 'I realize God's will—I haven't taken the time to find out, but I'll just do what I want anyway'—could that be a good thing?

No. Okay, so I see. I see that's not a good thing. Whichever word you want to use.

If your brother or sister did that, would you call that doing a bad thing? No. Is it so? The intention to fully go, fully follow God's will is the only thing we can do to remain in God's will, isn't it? It is the only way. Okay, very good. Now, to not do that—to say, 'Okay, I realize God's will is something else, but I want to do this,' or 'I realize God's will, I haven't taken the time to find out, but I'll just do what I want anyway'—could that be a good thing? No. Okay, so I see that is not a good thing. Yeah, whichever word you want to use, you can use. I use the word sin.

Yeah, I see. I'm sorry. I, when I changed it, I knew this is like a pride and this is not, but I don't know.

Very, very good. So I realize this thing is there because of strong conditioning, maybe some childhood experiences, some ideas about the word sin. So I just want to clarify for everyone what I mean. And what I simply mean by the word sin is that God has a will for us. We can conform to that will; we can abide by that will. But when I don't—when I say I already know or I don't want to follow—then that is an error that I'm making. Now, whether we call it error, mistake, or sin, it doesn't really matter as long as we are working on that, you see. But to just take out the word 'sinner' in a kind of denial that we do this constantly—go our own way instead of waiting for God's will to guide us—that may not be healthy.

So if you're saying 'the error' or 'the mistaker,' I'm okay with whatever word you use. It's fine. But as long as we don't bring ourselves into denial of the fact that we are still attracted to going our own way instead of waiting for God, you see? And to use the holy altar of prayer to not bring that to light and to offer that to Him would be a big error, if not sin. So keeping that in mind, I'm okay with whatever word you use, but we must bring the fact that we continue to make this error because of our pride, because of the idea that we know something. We must offer that to God constantly, which then gives the fuel for Him to give us His Mercy. Because if we are not doing anything wrong anyway, then why do we need His Mercy? Then we just need His Justice, isn't it?

I was so sorry about... I also changed the word mercy as well. I said, 'Please love me.' What you're saying is very sweet, what you're saying, but can I say there is really just a one-minute story about this as well? And I don't want to take all the time, but I want to know what is the problem with mercy? I want to know. No, I don't know. I just once when I went... okay, very, very fastly. I see when my father died, I had an idea that it was my fault because I said to my father, 'Please use homeopathic medication,' and then he died. And for a long, long time, I took this—that I killed my father. And once when I was in Jordan and I was praying in a really holy place, then I heard Jesus talk to me. And he said like this, and it was very clear—I didn't see anything like a floating face—but he told me, 'You have no sin. Nothing. There is nothing. Only love exists.' And in this minute, everything was so clear. Everything was only love, nothing else was just love. And it was so beautiful anyway. But after this, when he said you...

Yes, I was coming to say about that. Your intention was to love your father, was to give him the best treatment. Your intention came out of love, and you felt at that time, based on what you understood, you followed God's path. We only can follow what our depth of understanding is in that moment. So you followed, you loved your father with good intention, and you felt you were on the right track. So it cannot be taken to be a mistake; it cannot be taken to be an error. And nobody would ever say that you killed your father. It is just not true. You only loved your father, you see? And what you suggested was, for you, the course of action that you suggested... talking about your father, for you, the course of action that you suggested to your father, for you, wasn't that the highest? Wasn't that the best?

It was the best. At that moment, I thought it was the best.

Then it is not a mistake. It is not a sin at all. It is just love. It is purely love. So please unburden yourself from this idea. It is just not true. The error that we are talking about, the sin that we are talking about, is to know the path of love and still go with the path of absence of love. Yes, it is to know the path of God's will and still to pick our own selfish ways, which is not what you did in your father's case at all.

No, no. And I know already. And Jesus said the same, just those words what he used: that you have no sin, there is nothing, nothing exists, only love. And for this, I a little bit changed that prayer as well, that if I said 'I am not a sinner,' then me, you know...

It's all right. You can say 'I make mistakes.' It's all right. Yeah, it's not the word which is so important. But mercy—what is the problem? I don't know.

I don't know. I just... yeah, I don't know. Is it... I don't know. I don't know why I just said... sometimes I feel I don't feel the love of God, and sometimes also I don't feel my love towards God as well, or either do. And then this is why I put the words 'please love me,' as if there's any pride hiding there.

Because we do realize that our next heartbeat is His Mercy. Our next breath is His Mercy. If it is not His Mercy, then why would... what entitles us to have our next breath or next heartbeat? Everything is His Mercy. Yes. So to recognize that He is the all-powerful, all-loving Father or Mother is to use those words: 'Have mercy on me.' Yes, it's very deep. Every word is very deep in the prayer because it also entails the fact that He knows. He is the audience of one. Only He knows fully. And because He knows more about where we fail in love, we have to ask for His Mercy for those moments that we fail in love, where we fail to love that we should love. Because only He can convert that absence of love into a deep love.

So whether we look at sin as going our own way, not waiting for God's love to guide us, or we look at sin as a non-existent darkness, an absence of love... you see, the absence of love is not a thing. No. There's no such thing as sin. It can also be met in this way: is there a substance called darkness? There is no such substance called darkness, but it is the absence of light which we need to work on. So there is no such thing as sin, and you've been guided absolutely correctly. But we still say that the room is dark, isn't it? Because of the absence of light. We don't say that in that room there's an absence of light; we say it's dark. See? Although darkness is not really a substance, it's not a thing, but it is an invitation for us to love where there is an absence of love. It is an invitation for us to put on a light when there is darkness. Suppose somebody was to start fighting and say, 'But I don't like the word darkness, I'll just say absence of light.' Please do. It's the same thing, you see? As long as we are working on the light and being in the light, it is fine. So whether you call it sin or the absence of love, it's okay. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Let me quickly go to Ken because my family... I don't know if all of you heard, but there was a big 'Papa' sound that came from that side of the house, so I have to run. Let me talk to Ken quickly and then... Hello, Ken.

Hello, Father.

Hello, my dear. Firstly, I want to tell you: just chill out, okay? Relax. It is not your age to become stressed out about these things. Just relax. Thank you. Okay? Which doesn't mean that you don't listen to Mama, all right? You're not to burden yourself in your head with any of this burdensome stuff and the resistances and all of that. There's enough time, don't worry. Just love God. Pray to God as much as you can. Be happy with God. Share with him, commune with him. Don't make it a stressful project. Let that be for us grown-ups. We will make everything stressful and all of this. You, at your age, just learn to deeply love God. Make Him your best friend if you can. Make Him your best friend if you can, and everything will be fine.

Thank you, thank you.

Welcome. And then Mom says, 'But what about this and what about that?' Then you give her an honest answer. Don't lie. Say that, 'I'm talking to God, I'm being friendly with Him, and He is loving me.' Don't lie. But if you have been communing, communicating with God in this way, then you can just report back to her, saying that, 'I'm really deeply feeling His love in my heart,' if it is true only, okay? You must never lie about these things. But very important first is to relax, okay? Nothing that I'm saying to anyone will make any inroads in any of you, actually, not just for children. Let me... I was joking about that earlier, but if any of you are stressed out while listening to me, you cannot listen to what I'm saying. First, we have to just calm down. Thank you. Welcome.

Let me quickly go to Sam as well because I want to hear from her. Hi, Sam.

Hi, Father. Hello. Good, good. I didn't get a... yeah, I didn't want to bother you, Father, but yeah, I can... but presently I don't feel to speak so much.

No, you can send it to me later.

Yes, I will. Thank you. I love you so much. Love you, love and bless you, Father. Bless you. May you rest so well. Thank you, thank you. Thank you for everything you do for us. I love you so much. I'm sure all of us are just feeling this way. And bless you, bless your body, bless your day. Just bless you fully, fully, fully bless you.

Thank you, so sweet, my child. Thank you so much. Bless you too, so, so much. Thank you. There is a suggestion to make an excerpt about the explanation of sin. That may help because many are still resisting that word. And for good enough reasons, I feel like there's a lot of conditioning around that word. But if everyone just gets a perspective of where I'm coming from, I feel it may be helpful. And also that when I say 'I am coming from,' I feel like it was the original intent of that word. It's not something that I am reusing or remaking. I feel along the way it got a bit heavy with various things, but I feel the original intent of that biblical story of the apple was just this. Thank you.