One of the Subtlest Tricks of the Ego - 26th April 2016
Saar (Essence)
Ananta exposes how the ego masquerades as a spiritual seeker who is 'scared' of identification. He guides the student to see that the one trying to avoid thoughts is itself just another subtle mental construct.
The ego is never there as such. Because I believe myself to be a cat doesn't make me a cat.
The mind takes that which is meant to attack the ego as a defense for the ego itself.
Is there one who is scared of thoughts? Does the one who has the power of belief have an owner?
intimate
Transcript
This transcript is auto-generated and may contain errors.
So Radha was saying this before Satsang started, that suddenly some this was coming and the mind was coming and saying, 'How can you be happy? The ego is back.' 'The ego is back' means what? It's just another thought. You just like getting clearer. Like, even before, there was never any ego. Like, I don't know, it feels it's like there's a lot more thoughts than probably the ones back. The ego is never there as such, never ever there, but it's trying to give me as that you are attaching more to thoughts. Or to let's start with not attaching to this thought. I exactly don't want you to see. I could be in the mind for quite a while and it feels like something wants to be there and it's not nice, but I don't know what's going. So because the ego never existed, it's really never there, it's never been there, whatever there, it's never good. But sometimes I feel like I'm operating from identifying from a thought and it's happening.
Okay, let's look at this together. What is the ego? The ego is having the sense of a personal existence. And the sense of having a personal existence is not possible without buying into a thought or a concept of myself. But even when the concept is bought, doesn't mean that the ego actually comes into existence. When it is, it's very clear, very good. So, is it because I'm believing myself to be a cat, does that make me a cat? So now if belief comes back to all the cat thoughts, can you actually become a cat too? So it is the mind itself, thoughts themselves, saying, 'What are you so happy about? Your cat again.' Yeah, it's not actually possible.
I see that's not possible. See that I don't like... there is this 'I' that doesn't like being identified.
Yes, okay. So which 'I' is that?
That's what I've been trying to find, Father, because this one I cannot really find. That there is a big problem identifying with the one that doesn't like behaving from the ego, and itself is kind of getting into a loop. You see what I'm saying? Is the person that doesn't want the person exists? I'm not able to get out of that.
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You're out of it now. You're out of it now. You're out now.
Then I keep taking now. Oh no, no, it becomes like a non-stop all throughout the day. It's not natural. I'm not complaining, but this is what I see, Father. And then there are really like moments when I check, like you say, with integrity, and then I see that nobody else is here. And I see that all this heart wants is to be in truth, like you know, to live as truth. And then about running throughout the day, then it's like again the whole burden of, 'Oh, you're identifying this, this, this.' Identity comes back. But it's very clear I don't want to identify.
Who does identity offer? To whom does any identity belong? You say, 'I don't want to identify and I am not happy their belief is going back to thoughts and there's so many more thoughts here now. I don't like it.' So the one that can get identified is which one that's here?
No, I'm the... just me. But you need each other things are... no, it's okay, okay.
So which one is that? Just the one that's here? I can't tell you what it is. Is it the same one you think that I run about all day or something like this? The one that it feels so constricted all throughout the day because it's so scared that it's going to believe thoughts?
Okay. Is there one who's scared? Who's the one that's scared of thoughts?
Does the one who has the power of belief...?
I don't like each other this question.
You don't like, or you don't like the one who has a power of belief? Good, good. Not liking God might not be a great idea. This is very like samples. Nothing you... that there is one who has the power of belief. Is there another one who's scared of identification? It feels like that there are going to be very true, right? Yeah. So now let's find out which one is the true one first. Let's see who has the power of belief. Okay, so the one that is here has the power of belief. Now who's running scared of this belief?
I don't want to look at that because... because I don't know why.
Must look. Anytime... this is a good tip. Anytime you feel like 'I don't want to look at this' in something, it feels almost like I'm believing thoughts and there's this one that doesn't want to believe thoughts, and I give more credit to the one that doesn't want to believe thoughts. Yes. Which one is this one that is running scared of thoughts? So the one that does not want to believe thoughts, is that itself not a belief? Can it survive without any belief? No. So it is the belief itself. This is the sense of... this is what one of the subtlest tricks of the mind is. It tries to use even the pointing in Satsang as a strategy for itself. So it takes that which is meant to attack the ego as a defense for the ego itself.
So big, it's a big neck. The biggest thing it has thrown you because that it's like belief itself is... you can get out of the mind and it itself takes it up. And I see it, Father, but somehow it's not dropped. Like, you know what I'm saying? I see it, I see the mind playing, but it can just keep playing and...
So let's drop now. Right now it's not there. Then you can see it start. You look like... no, it's just saying the same thing. Like it would today at the beginning when you start something like, 'Oh, it's the start and we still fall for this one.'
The Thread Continues
These satsangs touch the same silence.
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