Learning How to Live in Complete Trust of God - 25th September 2024

So this is the process of unraveling the human ego, learning how to live in complete trust of God, in surrender to God. So one tip along the way is that when things worry you, when things are concerns that we have taken on for ourselves—which we don't need to, but some of us are in the intermediate stage, I'm maybe in the beginning stage—but in the intermediate stage, things will still be of some concern to us because we've not fully learned to surrender. And those concerns, instead of taking to yourself, you must take to God. Isn't it? When you engage with the mind, you are trying to resolve things for yourself. Is it not? How? 'Okay, so what should I do? Option one is like this, this is the benefit, this is the cost. Option two is like this, this is the benefit, this is the cost.' We're trying to evaluate so much about how our life is meant to move. So that evaluation process we try to drop as much as we can and just bring everything that we would worry about and make it a prayer.

So if something is bothering you, make it an excuse to pray. Why do you want to have the conversation with yourselves? And this self is not the capital S Self. The conversation with the capital S Self would be perfect, but in this case, it is the ego playing the role of problem creator as well as the apparent resolver of situations, and that is not what we need to do.

May I? I know that you have a lot more to say, but when I hear you right now, it feels like this—everything that you're saying right now needs to be landed a lot more. That 'I' has to be landed. What is the word? Just wondering if you said 'landed.' If you said 'landed,' I understand, yeah.

Yes, I did say like it's too broad and I know that you were going to say a lot more, but it's like, 'Oh, okay, but right now I'm doing it, I'm doing something wrong and I need to do it right.' And I'm sorry to interrupt and say something like that.

But that's very good. It's very good. You can always interrupt my gibberish. There's nothing so important that we're going to miss out on. So, look at it like this: when you are in satsang and you are asking this question of your teacher, then is it different from how you have the conversation in your mind?

Yes. Yes.

Yeah. So this we can do. Suppose that you felt that your teacher is always with you, then would you say, 'No, no, let me not talk to him about it, let me talk to myself and resolve it for myself'?

I seem to move between talking to you, talking to God, and talking to my real self. I go between those three internally.

Good. So which one gives you stress? Identity is... so it's always that one that gives us stress, that makes us trouble. Talking to the Satguru presence within, which is God's presence, talking to God or the Satguru is the same thing. Can we increase the volume a bit? You can increase the volume. So 24 is 20... let's try one more. Check, check. That's good, thank you. So when we attempt to make the problem our own and trust ourselves to find the solution to the problem, that is when we get more and more in this web of confusion, in this web of self-concern. So if you continue to just bring it to the Satguru presence, which is itself God's presence, then do you trust Him with the solution?

And while the solution is not coming, then I can be okay with that because I know that it's His will. Is that so? A little too complicated.

So let's simplify. Do you trust? If you give it to Him, do you trust Him?

It doesn't seem to be a one-time thing yet. Surrender is not a one-time thing.

At this moment, do you trust Him?

Yes.

That He will take care of things? 5%, 10%, half the way, or all of it, or much more than you can imagine?

100%. But I... yes. No, no, no, it's not like kind of... shouldn't I also let go of the idea of what things should be? I don't know what the solution is. I don't know if it's... I don't know exactly that part of the problem.

Okay, let me put it this way. If a magic genie came to your house and you said, 'Forget about all of this trouble,' and he showed you like that, like that, like that, like that—you were in the palace of the Sultan of Brunei one minute, you were anything, anything that you wanted, you were just doing this—then would you worry about your present concern if that genie was just there with you? And I will have to expand on that, okay? I can't afford to leave the story halfway. But you would say, 'Ah, wow, this is fantastic! I've got all my worldly concerns now, I can leave to this genie and he will provide for me everything that I could ask for.' So let me call that a 50% trust because you're no longer worried about the outcome; whatever you want is available to you. You've come to this amazing place, you see. So that 50% surrender where I just have to wish it and it's mine, yes? So that is the 100% that if I want my house situation, my life situation, whatever situation, He fixes it. It's in fact too easy for Him to fix. So He says, 'Tell me something hard. Do everything that you throw at me.'

Okay, so that is the halfway. And why is it the halfway? Because soon you might realize that 'I'm not really capable of asking for anything worthy of this Being.' Like, my ideas themselves are so limited. My construct of what my life is, itself is so limited. So is it possible that I tell Him that 'Whatever You want to give, You decide that also'? Because everything I say, You say, 'Oh, just this?' And I resonate a lot with what you're saying right now, Father. And sometimes I'm confused when in satsang we pray for outcomes because that resonates less. It's harder to... it's all part of the process. It's all part of the process. So don't worry about that. Even that we have to leave to whom?

Yes, to God.

To God. So whether it is halfway surrender or full-way surrender, it is better than trusting ourself for both the problem definition and the resolution. So you're saying to me that you want both the problem definition and the resolution of any such problems to belong to God?

Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I think what I want the most is to just to hear Him moment to moment, follow moment to moment.

Yeah. So now it is not like praying for outcomes. It is 'I don't know how He should answer.' Prayer is then defined by me, and therefore I'm in that half-surrender where I'm saying that 'This is how I want my problem to be resolved.' Like that. I think I got lost with the question, but you're trying to... yeah, I don't know if this answers your question, but I feel it's from the heart. You're right. If there's already an alignment, then yes, the prayer for outcome is in line with what God wants for us. Yeah.

Now, what would make it so that God would always be able to hear us? He's always saying that He's always able to hear. What is missing in God right now? Like, He's got some maybe only 5% clairvoyance and He needs to work on Himself so He gets 100% clairvoyance? So whatever we are thinking about, whatever is happening with us, He should know. Then He will be a worthy God, isn't it? So what is stopping Him from hearing you completely right now? Nothing can stop Him. So let's move on further from there. How many of us feel like He is aware of every single intention, every single worry, every single concern, everything in our life, every moment of our life? He is aware of it. How many of us feel that? All feel that. Okay.

So He now is aware of everything. Now, what will make it so that this God, who doesn't seem to have the time for us because He's aware of everything but there are seven billion of us on this tiny world—there may be trillions of us if you add all the universes and all of that together—so now God, you know, is stuck because He knows but He doesn't have the time to help us all. So what can make Him better so that He can be just beyond time, and time no longer is a restriction for Him? Because, you know, poor thing is just stuck, He doesn't have the time to help us. Is it like that? Is it like that? It's not like that. So He hears everything, He knows every single thing, He is beyond time. So time boundaries don't exist for Him. He is fully available to each and every one of us because He's His creation, His time, and for Him, He has as much infinite time as He wants. Yes? Okay, so He's got time also, He's aware also. So maybe He's not as caring as we want God to be. Like, He's a bit of an uncaring God, He doesn't really care, He's really not that interested in us. Maybe something is happening to them, it's okay, they are just these measly humans anyway, you see. So they were born, they will die. So there must be this lack of concern or lack of love. This parental love is just a human idea that we have; it doesn't come from God. No, maybe that is what is stopping Him? No, can't be like that also. How many of us feel... so He is aware of everything, He's got infinite...

Would God be like he's a bit of an uncaring God? He doesn't really care; he's really not that interested in us. Maybe something is happening to them, it's okay, they are just these measly humans anyway, you see. So they were born, they will die. So there must be this lack of concern or lack of love. This parental love is just a human idea that we have; it doesn't come from God. No, maybe that is what is stopping him? No, it can't be like that also. How many of us feel so? He is aware of everything. He's got infinite time to help us all. For each of us, he's got infinite time and he is carrying on. Do we feel like all the love and care that we have learned is because of his presence, and he gives all of this as the human reflection—just a tiny glimpse of what that true love is? Would it be like that? How many of us feel? We all feel that. Okay.

So, awareness of our situation is not the problem. Time is not a problem. His concern for us is not the problem. So then he must actually be stuck like us. He must not be knowing what to do. Like, he cares and he's available also, but what can he do? He doesn't have any power. He can't really change our life. He's dependent on so many things to help us to change our life. He doesn't really have... maybe he just wrote everything down so it's all predestined. He just wrote everything down and now he's stuck because he's written it and he can't change what he's written, you know, because he has to live by those rules. Is it like that? Can I interrupt this track? Okay.

So, this also can't be. It's literally up to him what he wants to do. And because every single possibility exists in him as a manifest reality, he's free to steer our lives in whichever way he wants. Can anyone take that power away from him? So he's fully powerful. All power comes from him. Every ray of light comes from him. Every single experience comes from him. Everything is made up of him. And he's also the Supreme intelligence. The notion of intelligence, our human reflection of intelligence, is just a tiny glimpse of his intelligence. So given that this infiniteness on all these fronts—in terms of knowing, in terms of loving, in terms of being available, in terms of being able to exert his will over all other will—all of this belongs to God.

So then why do we want to go and say it should be like this and you should be like this? Somewhere, the process of surrender is also a process of recognition of who he really is. Because in that recognition of who and what he really is, it is impossible to not surrender to him. So our lack of faith is our lack of surrender; it is a lack of true recognition of who he really is. If he knows my every single move, if he knows my every single desire, if he knows where I am in my journey, if he knows everything about me, if he loves me more than imaginable, if we are all pieces of his heart, if he's the all-powerful, all-knowing, and time is nothing but a plaything for him, and he has gifted us with his very presence in our heart—so only in the absence of the forgetting of this recognition can we ever have a concern, isn't it?

Yeah, it's not a lack of trust, God. I am seeing as you are speaking, it's a lack of trust in myself. And when something like this happens, I can't help but think if I'm hearing his message or if I should do something different or...

So this is very good. Thank you, thank you for sharing that. So on one hand is the most supremely intelligent, most loving being. On the other end is the most foolish little nobody. So they are sitting in front of you; who would you ask your questions of? So what do most of us do most of the time? When we say we trust in ourselves, we are not talking about the higher self; we are talking about our mind, which is a primitive, tiny instrument. And we force and force. You know what worry is? Worry is just forcing our mind beyond its capacity. So it's like that's what stress is, no? The mind, poor thing, just wants to do A, B, C, and we go to it for planning about the future and the meaning of life and how to lead a true life, you see. So then it is beyond its capacity.

How should we surrender? How should we trust? What is our usual lamentation? Our usual lamentation is: 'I'm bringing this to you, why don't I hear your solution?' Do you feel that if God wanted us to hear a solution, something we could do to stop it from happening... like God is trying to tell us, you see, God is saying 'I want this child to know this,' then because we are blocked or we are mental, then all that will get in the way and God has no way to communicate with us? He's just blocked? That is a very popular notion, isn't it? That the Lord of this universe, for whom all of this is nothing, could not say what he wants to say, tell us what he wants to tell us in the most obvious, most direct way? If that was what he wanted, what would stop him? Do you think that we can really block him if we are fully mental also?

So I'm going to again complete this story, okay? Suppose you are fully mental. Ananta is sitting like a fool like always, and he's just lost in his mind and caught up. So then God obviously has lost all ways to communicate with him? He's lost? Is it like that? So if God wanted to communicate with him, he could pause this world. He could say 'stop here.' He could show himself in whichever way he wanted and come and have a conversation. But if that's what he wanted... so what could be the reason that he doesn't do that? Does he love us a little less? So he has no time? And we looked at all of those things. But doesn't it happen that we can't hear him because we are too... doesn't it happen that we cannot hear him because we are too involved with our mind?

I can't help...

Yes, so that's exactly what I'm asking. So if he wanted to communicate with us, he would communicate in every single way, any single way. Isn't that a form of communication too? Just to prove to us that if we keep involved with our minds, we're not going to be able to hear him? Yeah. So if he is doing that, it must be because he... what would be, in our tiny human way, what would we make of that intention?

I didn't get the question.

Yeah, so first this point is clear: that if he wanted to communicate with us, really wanted to communicate with us, nothing could come in his way. He could come in a burning bush and start talking to us. In Indian spirituality and history, there are millions of ways in which God has communicated with people. So when he really wants to, nothing can stop him. But we are saying that... how is it? One very beautiful thing I heard today: that if we are feeling distant from God, who has moved? We are not able to hear him; we are feeling distant from God. Who has moved? Has God moved away from us? He hasn't moved away from us. So what is that moving then?

So what we are saying is that there seems to be a lesson for us. Because if God wanted to communicate, he could communicate in any way; nothing could stop him. But he is saying that you must get over yourself. You must stop relying on yourself. You must stop thinking of yourself as powerful enough to resolve your life. You must stop relying on this tiny mind and make yourself available for me, and then I will commune with you. But does that mean that is a restriction on him? It is just what he wants us to learn. Are we getting this point? That the all-powerful one can never be stopped from anything. He's not sitting there waiting, saying, 'Oh, I'm being blocked because this child is fully egotistical now, what do I do?' No, he's teaching us how to live.

He's teaching us how to live in faith, in trust, and let learn. Teaching us how to drop our individual will and trusting his will. And if that is not so, then he is not the God that we are praising. He's not the God that we are claiming him to be. It's a very subtle point; I hope you're getting it. Somewhere, after a while, it becomes very obvious actually, but initially it can seem a bit subtle because all of us seem to have this notion that we are stopping God. You cannot stop God. He can stop this universe in one click. You can't stop him. If he wanted, he could just... you step out onto a balcony and then we would see up in the night sky, he would write down the words like they were stars for us to see. It's nothing for him. It's nothing at all.

But so we must not place that kind of limitation on him saying, 'He's trying to tell me something but I'm blocking his will in that way.' No, he's trying to teach us how to come into a loving relationship with him and live in the space of his presence so that we don't become proud and think that any of it is our doing. So one way to deepen in our love and surrender to God is to look for how we are placing a limitation on him in our minds. Once you recognize that nothing is a boundary or limit for him—all of these dream plays, his Leela, his Maya—then we change the question to: 'In this moment, in this challenging time, in these weeks, months, whatever, what is he trying to show me? What can I learn from this?'

And we can learn usually that when we leave all doership, experiencership, all problems, all resolutions, all what needs to happen... we honestly endeavor to offer everything up to him full-heartedly, not keeping an eye on the outcome, then we find ourselves in a deeper relationship, in a deeper love with God, than when we think we have some power, we can do something, we can think about things and resolve them. So one thing which is coming is that it's very popular, very, very popular in India also, to say, 'I don't want to bother God with this; this is too small to take to God.' So this is a very mistaken human construct that we have applied to God because we are feeling like God has got a limited amount of time. So if I take this tiny thing to him, it'll be wasting his time. It's just not possible like that. And it makes us egotistical and reliant on a self which in actuality doesn't exist. But even while it seems to exist, it is the most primitive caveman-type self there, very basic in its functioning.

So we don't have to go to the foolish one when the Lord of the universe is available for us. So please, from today, don't apply this construct at all that 'this is too small, I can't take it to God.' What does that mean? 'I'll do it myself'? No, you can't. Is it so? The return to innocence is to take everything to him. Everything already belongs to him, but we have taken false ownership.

It's clear that he's showing me more and more that I can't do anything, just like you're saying right now. Even the smallest thing. I don't remember it being like that in the past, but now it's like, okay, I'm completely helpless without him. But I do feel a little stuck, Father, because I don't feel equipped to follow him moment to moment, and that creates suffering—that you don't feel equipped.

Yes. Yeah, yes. And again, I want to repeat that I'm not speaking from a place of perfection or that I have climbed this mountain. It just seems to me that this is all what all of us need to learn, and I'm sharing from that perspective. And could there be times where I also feel that, that I don't know how to do this? There could be. So all of us are in the process of learning together. So let's not put that pressure on ourselves saying, 'I've been in this for so long, when am I going to come to that complete trust?' Maybe never for all of us. Is there such a thing as complete trust? I haven't met one who we could judge in that way saying that this one has complete trust 100%. But as long as we are learning to trust more and more, that is all that we can do.

Can you take us through what you say in a moment where you understand that you don't want to worry about this, you want to take it to God? What do you say to God?

What would I say to God? Okay. So let's say that I'm concerned about what is happening to the Sangha, all of my children, and it could be one of you or all of you. So I would just say to him, 'God, see what is happening to my children.' So I'm realizing more and more that God doesn't want us to be fancy, you see. He just wants us to be...

Can you take us through what you say in a moment where you understand that you don't want to worry about this, you want to take it to God? What do you say to God?

What would I say to God? Okay, so let's say that I'm concerned about what is happening to all of my children, and it could be one of you or all of you. So I would just say to Him, 'God, see what is happening to my children.' So I'm realizing more and more that God doesn't want us to be fancy, you see? He just wants us to be simple. So we don't have to have a special mechanism that I will light this special lamp and then I will do this special process and then I will do this and then He'll hear me, or I can commune with Him. If all of that process is there, it's fine. It is for us to not be so noisy, to be able to be with Him, to behold Him and to be held by Him. I'm not against the process, but it's not that He needs that process.

So how would I talk about my problems with God? I would say that this particular thing is bothering me. Please, Father. As simple as possible, keeping all knowledge aside, keeping all pride aside—not all, but as much as we can. And before, you also mentioned these questions: 'What is He trying to show me?' and 'What can I learn from this?' I feel that this is what the mind can really have a real feast with, you know, if you let it. I feel that these questions are only to be taken to contemplation. You can't take them anywhere else. It needs to be a moment of silence; otherwise, it's just big trouble. Do you understand what I'm saying?

In a way. Something is not so good with the audio, but suppose something is very noisy. Is it then... who does that block? Does that block Him from knowing what we want and what we are stuck with, or does that block ourselves from feeling His love in some way?

And if He wanted us to feel that love even in a noisy mind, for Him it's nothing. But He wants to, apparently—this is what it seems like to me—that He's trying to teach us a way of life which is full of innocence and a childlike wonder, a childlike joy, which I feel like is a gift that He wants to give us. But He doesn't want to force the gift on us. So that classic example of: if your children were forced to say 'I love you' and forced to be with you, then is it really love and being together? So it can't be a force. So all of these are lessons in love, deepening in love.

Suppose you had a two-year-old child. Now, at two years old, they're in that cusp, starting to make seeming choices and actually just being very dependent on their parent. So suppose you are a two-year-old child and the child is just going about the merry way, not looking at you. Suddenly the child stops, turns towards you, runs and gives you a big hug and kisses your foot. What do we feel when that happens? It's beautiful. Now, if you had forced the child to come—you picked him up and then said, 'Okay, give me a kiss'—that's also sweet, and as parents we are entitled to do that, but it's not the same, isn't it?

So is the child fully dependent on the parent? Of course. Can anything happen unless it is the will of the parent? It won't happen. But these movements, this expression of love, is completely something that within His greater will we have the power to exercise, you see? Are you getting a sense of what I'm sharing? This letting go of our lives, which we think we own or we think we are responsible for, it is rightfully to offer back that which is God's to Him, to do with us as He would please.

Yes, the intention is clearly there. The execution is very poor.

Very poor for all of us. Maybe in my case, both the intention and the execution are poor. But as long as there is some sliver of it, we are okay. As long as there's a sliver of that intention, there's a sliver of that execution, and both are important because love is in the acts. We may say, 'I love God so much, I love God so much, I love God so much,' but if I don't make it into a verb, I don't make it into an action, then it's just lip service mostly.

So if your will is to rush and speak to seven people about something and solve a problem, to say, 'No, I want to rely on God and wait to see how He is guiding me, how He is going to move me,' so that movement back into silence is an act of love. It is an act of trust, is an act of devotion, surrender. And the other way also: it is that we may say, 'No, today I'm very tired, I can't move, I can't,' but you're clearly guided in your heart. And never misquote God. Sometimes some of us start misquoting God as just an excuse to do what we want. So we have to be very careful about that for our own sake. So if you're clearly feeling guided that although your will is to rest today, God's will is to move you into this particular way, then to trust that as well. So don't have this idea that His will is always going to be, 'Okay, just sit down, you wanted to do all of this, no, no, you sit down.' That's not it.

Father, you've been saying a lot lately that it is difficult, but I feel that it's difficult when we are not with Him, and it's not difficult to do exactly so.

So the staying with Him when the temptation of Maya is constant, trying to pull us towards following our will, is difficult, at least for me. And when we face that difficulty, we admit it and still we try to remain with God, then that is an act of love. So it's just coming to me actually—I may never have said this before like this—but in that way, the Prodigal Son is a moment-to-moment story, you see what I'm saying? Yes, it's never... we can take all the pride of doing something by ourselves. 'I can make it happen.' And then, like a small child trying to push a big rock, when we realize that actually we have no strength, then the sooner we turn back towards Him and put up our hand like this for Him to carry us, then the sooner we are back on the right track, you see?

But you don't do it many times because of the same story that plays out: that the son feels that the Father will reject him, he will not be received in love, he will be insulted. All of this fear is what keeps us from turning. And we can encapsulate all that into one word, which is pride. It is our pride which makes us this way, that we feel like, 'No, this I can do, this I will do for myself.' So these are just some of the lessons I'm trying to learn. For example, I would say that returning to that innocence is something that is so clear in my heart that I want, I'm longing for. But am I finding it easy or difficult? I'm finding it very difficult because I see so many things where I still want my way. But then we get better at it little by little, moment by moment, day by day, I feel we can.

Is it so? The statement of difficulty is not a call for despair or despondency. It is a statement of fact that for us it seems difficult, but for Him, He can make it possible. He can make it easy. So I must... like Saint Therese said, that if you have to climb up the ladder, it is too steep for us to climb, but initially we have to take the tiny step, you see? And He takes care of the rest. The bigger part He takes care of. But us just turning towards Him with whatever little strength that we have, He then can pull us into that supernatural play where we don't know how to go. There is no road map to go there, you see? There is no way that we can fathom to go there. But we just have to turn inwards with full love and longing in our heart, and He makes a way where there is no way.

All of us do realize that the project that we've taken on is not worldly; it is beyond this world. And whether we call it supernatural or beyond this universe, there is no real road map for it. We can take the pointers of the sages as broad directions, but the way He will show us every moment, moment to moment. But when we try to do this by ourselves, we are scrambling about in the world. We are talking about God's presence being in your heart. We're not talking about a biological, a biochemical, a physical reaction which is made up of any of the forces in the world. We are talking completely of something which is beyond this universe. Your heart, your spiritual heart, is a place which is not something that you can intellectualize, which you can fathom. Where He sits cannot be a worldly chair.

I feel a lot of the problem is that, something like you say all the time, is that we make this world to be more real than He is, and so that creates fear and concern.

Yes, exactly. We made the tiny into the big and we made the big into the tiny. Like even a statement like, 'Where would God sit if He wanted to sit?' and we can say, of course... I find great joy in just a question like this. And I would say His throne would be made up of all the light of many universes, and His courtroom would be a place beyond time and space. And if He in that particular moment wanted to be like Ram, He would take that shape and surround Himself with all His loving devotees: Hanuman and Lakshman and Sita Ji and Tulsidas Ji, all the great sages. All these tiny possibilities which seem like huge possibilities to us, for Him these things are nothing. So we get very involved in the tiny things of the world and we are missing out on the great wonder of God's reality, the great awe, the great joy, the great wonder, the great potential of love.

So in a way, it all boils down to the fact of whether we want to build a worldly abode or we want to construct our heart temple. Where are we taking our bet? Are we waiting on this world, or are we waiting on His light, His presence?

What are the other simple ways to pray besides just doing the ideas?

One beautiful thing is coming to me which is so simple. It says: 'Don't tell God how big your problem is; tell your problem how big God is.' All these things sound very childish and cliché almost, nice, but do we really try it? Have you ever tried in the mind saying, 'Oh this problem, what are you going to do? You have no money for next month.' Have you gone to that problem and said, 'Do you know how big God is?' So we have to apply in these simple ways sometimes. In not digging for deeper meaning, which can become an intellectual exercise, we lose track of the simple ways of having faith in God. I feel that's very important for the religious.

Yeah.

Yes, just in the simplicity. The mind is bothering you with the problem, saying, 'But God is so big, what is this for God?' Sometimes I struggle with the... and all of you know that first and which is that even with God I can be like this at times. It is I'm going on sharing, sharing, sharing, not waiting for Him to respond, not wanting to listen. So I'm learning that patience also, that let's at least, before it becomes a 9:10 or a 99:1, at least let me try and make it a 50/50 where I'm listening at least as much as I'm sharing. And just to be present in that way. That's what I mean, that we are being present to His presence.

So if you are praying to God and He's not responding, why would that be? We looked at all the variables: that either He doesn't love us, He doesn't have time, He's not powerful enough, we are blocking Him, He doesn't know at all. All these things we looked at and hopefully discarded. So then I will look at it as: what is He trying to teach me? He's teaching me to be patient. Suppose—okay, it's not true, I don't feel it's true—but suppose He said that I want those around me to be this certain way: patient, faithful, loving, humble. So He's just teaching me as to how He would like me to be if I am to be around Him.

So how much patience is He going to teach us? We can't see. And is patience different from faith, courage, love? Is humility to be patient? We have to be all of those things. At what point will we give up? If Hanuman Ji and so many examples are benchmarks, at what point will we give up? One hundred-millionth of their patience? I feel that even that would be fine. At what point will we get frustrated, irritated, and angry with God? 'I've been praying for ten minutes and You're not saying anything. I've been praying for ten days and You're not saying anything. I've been praying for ten years and You're not...'

Love is humility, to be patient. We have to be all of those things. At what point will we give up? If we look at Hanuman and so many examples of benchmarks, at what point will we give up? One millionth of their patience—I feel that even that would be fine. At what point will we get frustrated, irritated, and angry with God? 'I've been praying for ten minutes and You're not saying anything. I've been praying for ten days and You're not saying anything. I've been praying for ten years and You're not saying anything. I've been praying for ten lifetimes and You're not saying anything.' What is the boundary and who defines it? So, the question of God's silence in response to our prayer is an age-old question which all sages have faced. That is why the spiritual life can seem like such a risk, because nobody decides the timelines except God. You cannot say, 'In twenty years, I'll become an Olympic gold medalist in this event.' It could be twenty years, or twenty lifetimes, or twenty thousand lifetimes. You can never say. That is why patience is faith, humility, and courage all built into one. So, we are not to despair. We are not to become despondent. Tell me, what would it mean if you were in spiritual despair? What could be our cause for our despair? We can probably reduce it by one or two. Maybe there's too much ego. What is the valid cause of despair on the spiritual path?

Father, I can say your children being unwell. It's a valid cause of spiritual despair. It's a common cause of despair, let's put it that way, and it applies to all parents, whether spiritual or not.

So, okay, this license you have, at least from my side. I won't counter that. What else?

Yes, so what I was trying to—the message I was trying to send is that it must mean either that He's an uncaring God, an unknowing God, an incapable God, or one who has no time for us. There may be other things, because this all just came up, but for me, it seems like it's a doubt about one of those things that can make us despairing. Oh, am I completely off track or making something up? I just feel like at the center of any despondency on this path, there must be some idea like that.

Father, yeah?

It feels like also wanting this false identity, this false idea of me being in control, to be in control of God's creation, to be in control of life. And so the despair comes from releasing that control that really we never had to begin with. But that's when it can come—not being in control.

Exactly. Because if He is all there is, then 'me' cannot be all there is, unless I am Him. But when we have a mistaken notion of what I am, when we have the mistaken idea that I am somebody, I am something, then the slapping back into reality of the fact that what I take myself to be is nobody, is nothing, can seem like a cause of despair. And I would say, I would feel that both the recognition of what He truly is has to be accompanied with the recognition of the nothingness of me, isn't it? I don't feel like we can continue to elevate both sides of it. I would find that impossible—that on one hand I am almighty, and He is the Almighty. I don't feel like we have that capacity. So, in turning towards His reality, we have to turn away from our pride, our mistaken idea about ourselves. And in turning away from our pride and our mistaken idea of ourselves, I feel we turn towards His magnificence. Two sides of the same coin, in a way. If I love Him more and more deeply, I don't feel like I can love the false more deeply. That attachment that we feel as love has to reduce as we fall deeper in love with the true Beloved in our heart. It's in a way like this: we ordered this in the photo, it looked like a big donation box. It came like this. Maybe this is a good representation of the 'me.' This what we take ourselves to be is very different from what is left of us after we come to inside this tanmatra of a donation box. It's cute. So, in our despair, at the center of our despair, I feel that there is a doubt about who God is, a mistaken idea about who God is, and therefore we take an idea about who I am.

Father, I just want to highlight what you just said because I feel like it's so important to repeat. When you said that despair is the mistaken identity of who we are and who we believe God to be, that's everything in that. Thank you. I used to feel despair thinking that I'm not doing my part in this, like laying the table, as you used to say. And I fail at that. I can't force God's hand, but my part I'm not doing. But you started talking about how my part is just to go to Him or just turn away from my abilities or my reliance on myself. You know, this is at the center of this. I started recognizing that in some way I was holding on to some concept which I must have had of what God is, and I just want to surrender it so I can really see what—or be open to seeing it as it is, rather than how I want it to be.

Yes, exactly. But anything from our mind, intellect, even imagination, is too limiting for God. Hey, so that reminds me that the donation box reminds me that I was feeling that one of the three days, instead of sharing satsang, we can go to New York. Although it is some distance, but that's all right. So, if we start at about 4:00, we can be there at about 5:00 and spend a couple of hours there. Some of us are already coming from that side, so maybe shorter coming. So, which day you feel? Friday? We should go, then we can rest on the weekend after that. Okay. Is there something like more people are available for satsang on Friday? Nothing like that online? No, now it's the same. I feel every Monday, Wednesday, Friday is all the same. I see the same ones. I don't see, at least not that I recall, many new ones on Friday. We can announce. Or if Wednesday or Friday, there's some... we can rest after. This is true. This is true. Yes, we may be harder. This is true. We can humbly request that Friday evening helps us and we can see if that works. And if not, then... and we don't need him to be there. We can just go and take on some little bit, whatever we feel we can do, and just spend some time with them. Open our eyes a little bit away from the bubble that we live in. I was feeling before satsang today that slowly I'll disengage from the satsang live, but God clearly showed me that He wants to use me in this way as well. That for now, this is fine. That we do one day a week, we go there, then we see how it goes. They may not want us actually, so we should check with that. The number may deplete also as we go along. Like initially, all of us may be feeling it, and we may feel like we're tired. It may start off as twenty but become ten, five. Let's see. Let's see how it goes.

So, I was saying other ways to pray. So, one was about reminding the problem how big God is, instead of reminding God how big the problem is. Then the other way was this from Mary of Osea? She said shifting the narrative away from the 'me' to the grace of God. So, what would that look like? Can we take a stab at it? We discussed some example last time. Let's see, there's a mic. So, how would you... let's go. Any thought? I have some random thought. I can say that thought meanwhile. God is here. That's something we just say. The question was: how do you shift the narrative away from 'me' to the grace of God?

Gratitude, Father.

Yes. So, how would we live like that? What would be like this is what we're doing now, what would that change to? What is it we're doing now?

Yeah, sorry, I was saying, what is the before and after? So, you're on the right track. This is 'I'm worried about this, I'm afraid of this,' and the grace of God is just 'Thank You.' Even though I don't know anything, I don't know what it's for, I don't know what anything is, just 'Thank You.' Because we always end up thanking God no matter what, so we might as well thank Him now. That's one way. What else? How would you do that? Is it sounding silly? It's okay if it is, it's fine. But like I was saying, that grace is showing me more and more that simplicity is the key. A childlike simplicity, with Saint Therese and what experiences were the last few weeks. So, just these simple, simple changes. Like you can get into these narratives which seem to be very light and playful when we start, but before we know it, we are caught up in some big mental prison. It may seem like a mind palace or something, but it seems like a prison. So, just to remember God whenever we report about ourselves. Simple. So, we just say that, 'Now this is some problem I'm having at work, but I know God's grace will take care of it. God's grace is blessing it.' It doesn't have to be fancy.

Before coming to satsang, I was asking myself this question: what is in me that I have not—like, there's so much that I can surrender to God that I haven't even, you know, everything. Like what I hear or how I speak my words, everything. Like how I use my hands, you know, what gives, you know, who needs to be close to me and who I should be, you know, should I have a relationship with even, you know, even everything. Even, you know, I don't remember now, but it was because I felt that there's so much in me that I can surrender and give to Him to be used. And how I don't make narratives where I'm the center, where if there are going to be narratives, then He must be the bigger and I must be the smaller. Narratives with the 'me' as nothing are very difficult. So, until we get to the place where we are free from all narratives, at least let's make sure, even if it seems difficult, to present the narrative more pointing to reality than pointing to sheer falsehood.

Reminding me of one more that you shared in satsang, that maybe to hear from Him, I might have to even wait for lifetimes, you know. And it was seeming very disheartening also because... but like you said, like the other life also doesn't make sense. So, exactly, taking a bet.

Okay, so let's wait on that also. That's a very good contemplation. If it became clear to me that I keep praying to Him and I won't hear from Him for the next one thousand lifetimes, how would that bring us to despair? Only in the idea either the idea that it is so unfair to me—so we are then doubting God's fairness and His justice—or we are doubting His love for us, that He doesn't love me, so He'll keep me waiting for a thousand years. So, there has to be doubt to despair. And when we change it and to say that He is the most intelligent, He is the most merciful, He is the most loving, then He must be knowing why this has to unfold in that way for us. To keep asking 'Why, why, why?' is just a sign of our lack of faith. Good.

In fact, I was just—the same thing, the same question was also repeating again and again because one is, like, I don't know about my relationship with God. Like, I feel like I'm just starting to understand that there can be a relationship with God. And also, it is true that I don't know how much He loves me or... because I know that I love Him, but I don't really... when I see...

What does your heart say?

I don't know His love, Father, like the way I know your love for me, or I...

Your heart loves me. Am I forcing you into that? So, what I'm saying is that I feel like our hearts are one, and what my heart tells me is that He loves me very, very deeply and immensely. And I'm just starting to learn the ways of love. So, I'm not saying you take this version to be true for yourself, but just to check whether this is what your heart is showing you as well. And that is where the statement of the podcast was: 'If God is feeling distant, guess who moved?' So, it's like we've been saying, who leaves? Does He ever leave, or do we? What distance from God is acceptable? What is the safe distance? It's quite binary. It's quite binary in the sense that we can say that I'm deepening in love, deepening in presence, so it's not binary in that way. But to attempt to keep one inch away from Him is to be separated by universes. So, start your days just by being in touch.

That is where the statement of the podcast was: if God is feeling distant, guess who moved? So it's like we've been saying, who leaves? Does he ever leave or do we? What distance from God is acceptable? What is the safe distance? It's quite binary. It's quite binary in the sense that we can say that I'm deepening in love, deepening in presence, so it's not binary in that way. But to attempt to keep one inch away from him is to be separated by universes. So start your days just by being in his presence. I know I said that as if I'm saying it for the first time, but really the value of that is revealing itself to me every day more and more. Don't push it till later. A mistake is just a mistaken idea about who he is, what he is like, and definitely a mistaken idea about who we are.

Yeah, thank you. There are a couple of things that I need to share with you. Okay, it's okay. The first is that I'm deeply grateful for the New Ark Mission. The second one is this initiative that you're doing with this place to help these people.

Yes, to help these people. It is the New Ark Mission. And these people are very beautiful people who have been abandoned, often on the streets, with no security, no social security, no bodily care, no mental care. Most of them are facing a lot of trauma from all of these things at all levels—physical, mental, emotional. And so to spend some time serving them, I feel whatever little we are able to do, we should try and do that.

It really touched me, maybe because I'm also because of Anna, maybe. And it touches me because it shows me the compassion of the sages we are talking about, I guess, and the practicality of Satsang. And maybe what it also changed, maybe my perspective of because being here and being, I guess, under your guidance who's pointing us to sit, but I can't really see because especially in the past couple of weeks because Anna is in motion all the time. It's not maybe the most relevant thing, but it made me realize that I have the opportunity to do outside, I guess, in a place I can in my own home. And I also want to say if you feel that I can impact anything with these beings or I can help in anyway, the experience I have, I'm yeah, any of you feel free to approach me and tell me if there is any. Somehow I remember a friend of mine who was one of Anna's first therapists, a great believer in Jesus. She belongs to some Jesus church which is not Orthodox or Catholic; it's a different, smaller church. But she's a being that is so full of love for people in orphanages and in people with disabilities, and she has so much faith and so much devotion to these beings. And so much that when she was seventeen, she did not have the right to sign for her own passport, so she forged her mother's signature. And two children who were burnt by a fire, they were living in the—how you call the—under, you know, the street, the holes where the sewage system... they were living in the sewage system.

I see, I see. Yes.

And there was a fire, yeah. And two young adolescents or something, they remained without skin, and she took them to America. They slept in a garage for them to have the skin replaced. She's just an amazing being. So may God bless her to have this power to continue her work in this way. Yes, very beautiful. Maybe the reason I'm mentioning it is that because if you need any sort of help from someone who has experience in this kind of projects, yeah, I'm sure she would be able to consult at least.

Yeah, very good. We remember this. We make a note of this, that this kind of help is available from someone who is so... I'm sure there are so many new cases that come every day that may need it.

Yeah. And I also need to expose some judgment, and this judgment towards myself as well. Yes, because I look to the children to take to Satsang, but the Sahaja is not an easy job. I saw, I see the difference, you know, having one child with me, having the other child with me, having both children with me, and going by myself. In the past couple of months, I didn't take them to Satsang. I needed time with myself, maybe. And I did take Anna today to the temple in Sahaja because I felt she needed it, and I felt Ken and myself, we could support her in this way. It was not easy. Oh, I'll probably get some feedback. It's good. No, no, not from you. I would get some feedback from life itself.

All right. I don't feel like anyone has the capacity to judge your life. And of course, you know in your heart that Anna is a great, great blessing, and yet the day-to-day care, the day-to-day difficulty, the stress that you have to go through—none of us, unless we are living in that same situation, none of us ever can have a capacity to judge your life or your difficulty and the things that you're going through. Because it is a strong, strong, strong life that God has gifted you with, to live this difficult life. And may nobody ever devalue or demean the difficulty of this life. Yeah, I fully, fully understand. Actually, I can't say fully understand, but I want to empathize with how it must be. I can't really imagine it, actually. So it's easy for us to have like the grandparental thing, no? Like we make this joke about grandparents, especially grandparents in India. It's a very convenient job because they get to play with the kids when they're in a good mood, and when they're not in a good mood, they can hand them back to the parents and say, 'Now over to you,' you see? So all of us can have that kind of lip service approach to say so many things to you, but we don't actually have the right to because we have not been given your life. So yeah, I fully appreciate the difficulty that it must be, and I don't know if I've said this before, but I'm proud of you for what you do for Anna. And may God bless you with so much strength and love and light.

Thank you. There is some pride here and maybe some distance to, let's say, to the path when I get feedback, you know? Because I also feel somehow the situations we are asked to face, at times they are very, very critical and demanding at all levels. And to take a certain image out of context and just, in a way... I can't say more, but because what those people are doing, I guess, and I respect their presence fully and the amount of Grace they are showering upon us and the amount of love that comes. But I also respect what my friend is doing, you know, with her faith in Jesus, and what you're doing.

You don't have to pick. Maybe I can help you a little bit with this. Yeah. So it's like saying in a way—not that you're saying exactly that, but to make it broader—can we say that we have to pick between Ashtavakra and Mother Teresa? Yeah. Can we say one is higher, one is lower? You must never fall into that trap. One who has dedicated his life to the truth and the sheer relentless search for that which is transcending this Maya and remaining in the truth is a great sage like Ashtavakra, like Ribhu. And there's so many other great sages like Mother Teresa; there's so many who dedicated their life to service, Mahatma Gandhi. We cannot say, 'Oh, I think...' We have no capacity to think and say this one is a better sage or saint than the other one. All there are millions of pathways to God; in fact, billions. All of us have a unique pathway to God, and every pathway to God has to be revered and respected. You know what happens many times—and I'm not saying this for you at all, I'm just saying generally—I've noticed that we are always looking for reasons to conclude that what we are believing in that moment is the highest, you see? So we must not get into those traps. All paths to God are the highest. Yeah, don't worry and don't have to say, 'Okay, now this one, this one is like this.' If their focus is God, truth, reality, love, it doesn't matter. We don't have to... it's not a race, it's not a competition. We don't have to say this one is higher, this one is lower, this one is better, this one is worse. All that is just intellectual stupidity. You don't have to get into that. So respect everyone, love everyone. Yeah, focused on God in whatever way, even the smallest way, it's completely fine.

I do. It's more like I feel in myself when at times when I'm getting feedback, or maybe I don't get the response in a way I can understand when I request for help, I feel I get judgmental and I place a distance. So maybe I understand what you're saying, and I do say that to myself that it's not important, but there is this energy that comes within me which I honestly feel like it's a temptation.

Don't worry, I'm hearing you.

I found it's like the Jesus on the mountain or something.

Say this part again.

What I felt, I felt it's a very strong temptation.

Temptation for what?

On the mountain, Jesus was tempted on the mountain, I see, I see. And also on the cross when he said, 'God, you forsaken me.' It's coming like if there is a temptation, and it's probably not the only one, but maybe the more visible one is this around the children, around their wellbeing.

So just everything we keep taking to God. If people around us are not understanding us, they're not understanding. Maybe they are understanding, but it's still difficult for them to work with that. Then we just bring it to God and say, 'Bless this situation, bless my brother or sister. We both seem to be on different pages. I can't understand what he is doing or she is doing; she can't understand what I'm doing. Only you, God, you can help, you can intervene.' And we just keep offering it up to God as much as we can. You must not get into the trap of who is right and who is wrong, because that will lead us to very strong... like the softness from our heart will go. So don't try to exercise the intellect to say, 'This is right, but it should be like this, it should not be like this,' because all these things have never got anyone anywhere. It is only forgiveness, love, compassion, kindness, patience—all of these things have helped humanity from the beginning. Yes, Ma. Right and wrong is just wasted lives. Thank you. Bless, bless.

And it also helped me today this morning that, you know, when you say the intention, the intention, intention... I stay with God.

Yes, yeah, yeah. Very good. Just every morning start with the intention to stay with God and you will see what a difference it makes. Don't rush into the world. Take a few minutes, whatever little time, and find God, then move from there. And you notice that when you're caught in who's right and who's wrong, you can't stay with God. No, it just creates such a block in our heart because we are relying so much on our intellect, on our mental capacity to judge, that we can literally waste our entire life on figuring out who's right or wrong in one situation. So I'm learning to not be bothered so much about right and wrong, because what is right and wrong? Just a label. In reality, only that which is good is from God, and that which is not from God is not good. That's all we need to be concerned about. We don't have to add a layer of right and wrong and correct or false, all of this. Have you seen that in our lives, how we may have judged something to be wrong and then later we end up doing the exact same thing but it seems right? So all this is because of the narrative, the power of the narratives in our mind, intellect. So we must let go of all of this grasping that this is so. It's coming back to that same point, isn't it? That we let go of our narrative and whatever narrative remains, we move it about the grace of God. So be it.

Father, can you please bless?

Yes, yes. Let's go to Samia.

Hi, Father.

Hello. Are you at work?

Yes. I see no one comes, I'm free. I have a little free time, thank God. Some part of the Satsang I missed, Father, because I was at work and so many people came, not now.

Let go of all of this grasping that this is so. It's coming back to that same point, isn't it? That we let go of our narrative and move it—whatever narrative remains, we move it about the grace of God. So be it. Father, can you please bless? Yes, yes. Let's go to Samia.

Hi, Father. Hello. Are you at work? Yes, I see no one comes. I'm free. I have a little free time, thank God. Um, some part of the satsang I missed, Father, because I was at work and so many people came. Not now, but if I understood you rightly, like there will be only one day satsang in a... no, what was that? I was asking whether of one of the three days, one day we can go to New York.

New York? Not New York continuously. You will see, you will see. Okay, okay, okay.

So that's why I didn't want to wait. Like, I just wanted to take my chance because I'm working, because I wanted to just... I don't know if I want to speak, but yeah, just to meet with you. Oh, oh, oh, good, Father. It just goes well, not even well. I feel, yeah, it's new for me again to come back to work. And but it feels really good now. Like, I feel so much with God and it's wonderful to experience it because I also had work experiences before, like beginning of my spirituality again. I was in satsang with you, but I was experiencing so much confrontation inside of me, so much weirdness, you know? Like spiritual life and word life are so separate. But this time, after the sun break, like there is no separation, Father. I don't feel weird. And even at that work, I was again working in a shop alone and I was opening spiritual music always, and I was feeling weird when people entered last job. But here, like all these energies within me actually, like fear, feeling weird, all disappeared. And because I feel so relaxed, yeah, the whole field is so relaxed. People are... you can feel it because I'm so relaxed. Like there is no this energy. So it's lovely to be back and to see that. And of course, I just start my day fully with God. I go to... or just at least not even two hours, but three hours something, just fully with God and start my day like this. And just yeah, and even to interact with people it seems lovely because it just unfolds very naturally. I don't feel like I'm doing anything. So it's so lovely to experience life in that way, Father.

I have one request for you. Yes. So, you know, I heard in another ashram, like in some ashram, they have consecrated items, etc. And I was just going into them and um, yeah, somehow I couldn't buy them, they don't send. But um, yeah, Chandra and S just brought this Ganesha statue to me. Can you see that? And I don't know, I don't know if you can do consecration or something, but for my workplace, I just want you to bless it. And yeah, I don't know what to ask, I don't know what I need, but it seems like I will continue to work here. I love it. So I don't know, I don't know, I just want you to bless it. And may he protect me. May the power of Ganesha, whatever it is—I don't know so much—but just yeah, you know better than me. May he protect me and blesses the space and place and all my interaction, everything. May all be held in God's grace.

This one we blessed and sent to... yes. Or did you buy it from the airport or something? We blessed it and we said the Ganesha Ji, so yeah, double blessed. I don't know what they do in other and what is the process or anything. I just know it's okay, Father. Full, full blessing.

Thank you. Thank you so much, Father. And thank you for this life and what to say other than thank God, thank God, really thank God. Very thank you, thank you. Bless.

Okay, let's go to Aniko.

Thank you, Ananta Ji. Thank... I don't know why, usually I am so much with you by the satsangs and today I don't know if it was so much mind attack. Like, there was a question that came up at the beginning and while you were speaking to others, my mind just wanted to find out all the possible answers and I just couldn't really focus on you. And then after, it's played like, 'Why are you sitting here at all if you cannot listen to Ananta Ji?' And it's just all the satsang just went and I couldn't really be with you. And also maybe you already answered to my question as well. And I don't know, it's usually not happening. And I just would like to ask the question, but also I find it's now so, I don't know, maybe silly or yeah, and maybe you already answered as well, Ananta Ji.

Anyway, so if I am already here and I just ask, but yes, just please just tell me if I can watch it again, this satsang, because on YouTube actually, yeah. So it was like, there was a satsang before and it was so releasing and so much relief when you were saying whatever I asked, you always said, 'Nobody cares about it.' And it was like so much relief because it was, 'Oh my God, I am not important at all.' And it was like just, it's no matter because I am not matter. And it was kind of like a contradictory answer today at the beginning. And maybe after it would dissolve in me if I could listen to, but now it just feels like every moment 100% love care about me. And you know, and I just couldn't put the two together because so much I use this still in my everyday life that it is not important, no one cares, and suddenly I just release, I just releasing and then something is just open up and not really matter anymore. And I don't know, it's just like, so who is the one then who God cares and every minute there and full love and 100%? So I don't know. Sorry, sorry, this question is maybe so silly.

Okay, let's go to Chandra. No, I'm kidding. Only nobody cares. Yes. Yeah. Bye. Turning red because it is maybe about just the words like... forgive me. Is somebody talking? I sometimes I just feel yes, it is like just a game, you know? But I never understand because there is a sentence and the next sentence is just right opposite. So yeah, I don't know. I just two words for you. Yes. A much better than... thank you so much. Let's go to Chandra.

Father, I'm sorry, I didn't have anything particular to say but I just feel like saying I love you so, so much.

Love you too. And I just giving you a Zoom hug and that is so much, so much love. Thank you so much. I come soon so I can give you a physical hug. Please come. Thank you. All right, let's sing the bhajan.

I just feel to say that don't feel like the insight inside me is dead. He's very much alive in this broadening, in this deepening. All aspects of you deepen. All aspects of what inside was there continues to deepen, but our outer expression may keep changing. But the gift of inside, the gift of Advaita is something that I will always treasure and always be so grateful for this self-recognition. So I realize that my outer expression has changed quite a lot in the last couple of years, but by no means am I saying that this way is better or that way was better. All ways are within us and they continue to deepen if they are pathways to God. So may the path of Jnana, may the path of insight also keep blessing us, keep taking us deeper into our heart. Then it's better if we don't box ourselves in into these constructs and to say we are like this or we are like that. This is what this is and this is what that was, then we limiting ourselves in those ways. I have great reverence for the path of inquiry, the path of true self-knowledge, and by God's grace may it continue to be that way.