Just Simply Surrender Everything to God - 30th September 2024

But our intellect is inherently dual, full of duality. So then it makes a new position that, 'Therefore then I should not say or I should not hear.' But in the not saying and not hearing also it doesn't happen. So there is no real escape for our limited understanding. So then given the complexity of this whole task, the complexity of the human condition, one of the pathways then to God must be to return to that within us which does not clamor for an understanding, does not clamor for sense-making, and that is the child—the innocence of a child which has been retained fully in its pristine nature in our heart.

So in our hearts, in our spiritual core, in our spiritual center, we remain full of that innocence, full of that love, full of that light. And that is why God's Darshan only happens over there for us. Of course, we will see that everything is His reflection even in the worldly appearance, but if you want to have the beyond all of this, just a sheer meeting, the place is in our heart. Because when we are in our heart, there is no pride, there is no understanding, there is no grasping. We are not troubling ourselves or our brothers and sisters over there.

So it is not the mere appearance of Maya, but the loss of innocence because of grasping at Maya which makes us caught up in this realm of suffering, in this realm of duality, in this realm of me and other. But our spiritual path must lead to that innocence where we come to a point where everything becomes about His will. So what am I learning in this process? I'm learning that life in front of me—and learning to carry it on a plate and offer it to God and say, 'I bring this to you. I bring this to you. I bring this to you. I don't know what to do with it.' And I'm recognizing that I've never really known, and I'm recognizing that none of us can actually really know.

So I'm realizing that surrender is not so much about big proclamations, but about just in the simplicity every moment of saying, 'Lord, I bring this to you. Ram Ji, I bring this to you. Jesus, I bring this to you.' Not necessarily in the words, but at least in our approach, at least in the way we are approaching it. So in this moment, all of you children are in front of me. Do I know what to do with you? I have no idea. I have no idea because everyone has a different temperament, everyone has a different approach to life, different perspectives, different experiences. So all I can do then is to say, 'Father, I bring this to you, including this body-mind. Then use this mouth as You will.'

And that is the only way I have found that we can really surrender the surrenderer. Otherwise our surrender also becomes a position. We become very attached to our paths. I see some of you and I see that unwittingly when we say that 'This is my way,' it starts off very innocently, but quickly it becomes—there is a possibility of pride, there's a possibility of grasping, a sort of reframing of ourselves in this new frame in which again, it is so subtle, but we lose that innocence of a child. So really letting go of that frame every moment and not knowing every moment with full trust, as much trust and devotion and love as possible, we bring everything only to God because He can deal with all of it much better than I ever could or any of us ever could.

So this seems to be in continuation with what we were sharing last time, which was that if we know the four things: which is that one, God is aware of every single thing. He's aware of my heartbeat, He's aware of my breath. Not just aware, in fact He is the one who is the light of all of this, the only Karta and Bhokta of my life, who is fully, fully, fully aware. And secondly, His love for me is beyond any human love, has to be much deeper than we can even fathom. So the idea that He does not care about what's happening to me, in my exploration I've seen has to be completely alien to the reality of God. It is just not possible. So He is aware and He loves me deeply.

And because thirdly, He is away from the bounds of time and space, He has an infinite amount of time for me. He has an infinite amount of time to work on me, to help me in whichever way. That time I do not have in the human condition, but He does. And because He is aware of everything, He loves me deeply, He has an infinite amount of time for me, I have nothing to worry because the fourth thing is that nothing is anything for Him. Nothing is difficult for Him. His power is all-encompassing. Without any doubt, there is nothing which is difficult for Him to do.

Given that He is like this, wouldn't it be a fallacy, wouldn't it be an ignorance to do this life, which is so complicated with all of its variables and beyond any sort of fathoming and understanding—won't it be foolish to try and do this, run this life based on a human intellect and mind? If there was no other option, then we have to make do with what we have. So for most of us it seems like there's no other option; I have to make do with this body-mind-intellect soup that I have, organism that I have. But once we are introduced to the truth from credible sources, from the wisest ones that we have met, that actually there is a better way to live, which is to offer every moment to God.

And all the content of that moment as well as the sense of doership, the sense of experiencer, all of this to be offered to God wholeheartedly with no fanciness. It's very important to not be fancy. Fanciness is the doorway through trouble. Just in the sheer simplicity. Like how do I do this? Not 'God, I leave everything to you, my life is yours now' as if you're in some Shakespearean drama. Yes, the simplicity that 'I bring this to you. This child asked me this question, what does this mean? I don't know, I bring this to you.' Just in that simplicity. And the point of the four points is that He is always with us, so we don't need anything special. He doesn't need anything special.

Sometimes we may feel like we need some steps in the process; we need to breathe along with the prayer and we need to count or we need to use a Mala. All of that fanciness is all right because we need that for ourselves, but He doesn't need any of the fanciness from us. Because if you just went to Him and said, 'God, see this,' that is enough. That's a prayer, you see. Yes, that's a prayer. And I've been noticing, and I shared that day also with Georgie, that most of our time goes in this conversation with ourselves, the false selves. Even in our attempt to understand, especially in our attempts to solve problems, resolve things, we are just squeezing more and more stuff into our heads.

And the symptom of that is worry, anxiety, trouble, suffering, because our heads are too tiny to try and squeeze all of this. Just like we cannot squeeze the ocean into a lemon, we cannot squeeze our life into our heads. And when we start to get worried, that is a sign that you're misusing your mind. You can't handle it, so it starts to complain, starts to worry. We have to negate at least one of the four things, isn't it? He's not all-powerful, He does not have time for me, He does not love me, or He does not know what is happening. And all four of them are absurdly silly. If God was empty of any of these attributes, then He would not be God.

So this surrendered life is also the life in which true insight can happen. You try to worry, you try to think, resolve your things, operate in doership, operate in duality, and intuitive insight will seem like a far-fetched proposition; just won't happen because you're not switching out of the false tools and living in the true place. So what I'm saying is that anytime we have the temptation to take on something, just offer it to God instead. Because the beauty of this is when you're not taking on anything, then He is working on us anyway.

So beautiful content of Shabri, she said, 'When I'm empty of myself, He works on my heart.' And if you just hear one line like that—'He works on my heart'—He who has infinite time, for whom everything is easy, He can elevate my heart. And the heart is that aspect of us which can be pulled up like that, no? And pulls the rest of us. Have you seen like that? It doesn't have to feel like going up like that; it can sometimes feel a very great deepening as well. And either way, it is rising to meet God. But because everything is so interconnected, it pulls the rest of what I take myself to be, and it pulls in some way or the other—whether the world likes it or not, admits it or not—also those around one who is being pulled in that way also get pulled in. Just like this movement of Satsang, which is so organic that it was never a plan for any of you.

That can—it doesn't have to feel like going up like that. It can sometimes feel like a very great deepening as well, and either way, it is rising to meet God. But because everything is so interconnected, it pulls the rest of what I take myself to be, and it pulls in some way or the other—whether the world likes it or not, admits it or not—also those around one who is being pulled in that way also get pulled in. Just like this movement of sat, which is so organic that it was never a plan for any of you to be here, either from my side or from yours, and yet it is just part of that pulling which is not restricted to a particular body-mind but to something which only God decides what is the boundary of that pulling. And maybe there is no boundary; maybe some effect happens for the entire universe in some way.

And that kind of work no human can ever do for themselves; only God can do this. So the seeming duality and the seeming union, or the seeming duality and the seeming closeness of the relationship—whichever way you want to look at it, because both are this human construct—you realize that both are human constructs. Like Advaita will say that my way is better because there is no duality, it is all oneness; but one is also a human construct. The absence of duality is also a human construct. And a bhakta will say that I want to forever be at His feet and serve Him, you see? I don't want to merge with Him; that sounds like too much. I just want to be able to love Him and look at Him and serve Him. And these are also human constructs, and human constructs can never really capture the essence of the truths. None of us can really capture what we are meeting in our hearts into any words.

But if there are words that are spoken and they bring us to the innocent and help us return to our hearts, where then He can help us in this way by bringing us closer or bringing us to union—whichever human concept you want to apply. So the main point is, don't—when the temptation comes to take something on for yourself, like 'this is my problem' or 'this is my—I own something' or 'this is my life' or 'this I have to solve'—deepen in the habit of bringing it to God. And in our bringing it to God, then we make ourselves available to be worked on by Him. And the light which is in our heart then can spread into every aspect of our being and every aspect of this universe.

One of the things which is one of the biggest tricks of the mind is good money chasing bad money. What is that trick? And I hear this lamentation from many of you that, 'I'm very upset because I wasted the whole of yesterday.' And in that upsetness of wasting the whole of yesterday, we will waste at least half of today. It happened. That is—in business terms it is called good money chasing bad money. You made a bad investment; okay, now a little bit more I'll fix it, a little bit more I'll fix it. By doing that, it gets us into that distance or disconnection from heart by despairing and lamenting. Many times it's not just despairing and lamenting; I'm saying for myself that sometimes just like, 'Oh, where did the whole day go? I didn't remember God. Most of the day has gone like this. Tomorrow you start properly start,' which is good to do, but don't waste the rest of that day.

It can happen with fasting sometimes, same. So it's just like, 'Okay, now you've eaten, now you might as well have a chocolate cake also.' It can become like that. So these are the subtle tricks. These simple, simple subtle tricks work on us, and it is our simplicity and returning to Him which will prevent them from working on us. So if you're complicating things, we've already gone too far. If you're being fancy—that's what I mean by fancy. Just like something so—by being fancy I don't mean that if you want to contemplate the nature of awareness, you want to look at the presence of Consciousness. Just because these words are big doesn't mean that we're being fancy, unless we're just being fancy about that.

What I mean is, if your friend has said, 'If you ever need me, just wave at me,' yeah? Your friend has told us. And then when we need our friend, we are like, 'Which way should I wave? Should I wave like this, like this? Should I wave like this, like this? What will be better for the field of vision for them to see?' So that is what I mean. Don't complicate things, because there's nothing literally that we can do to get God to misunderstand us. There's nothing we can do. So we think, 'Oh, I wanted to actually offer this to God or surrender to Him, but He misunderstood.' Nothing we can do. So there is nothing ever that will make us not know what our intention is. So we don't have to worry about the technique so much, just the intention. And don't worry about waiting for perfection.

I used to do like this when I started in spirituality many decades ago. So if I came across a beautiful text, you see, then I'd start reading it and say, 'Wow, this is so beautiful, but you know what? I must be missing most of it because originally it was in Sanskrit. So why don't I learn Sanskrit first, and then I'll really get to grasp this?' And did I ever learn Sanskrit? Of course no. That's just perfection getting in the way of the mind's tactic of, 'Oh, what you know, it'll be...' So we don't need any of that. God has already given us everything we need. That doesn't mean that we should not learn Sanskrit or, if you want to, Latin or whatever you want to learn; it's completely fine. But don't let that become a block or a postponement of what you're feeling divinely inspired to do.

There are many people who don't do Puja because they feel like, 'Oh, I don't have the right to chant in Sanskrit for this Puja.' When will we ever have it? There's no such thing as perfection in any language. So when will we perfectly pronounce even a single syllable? You just can't do it. Nobody can. So don't wait for these kind of things. If your breath is imperfect in the Atma, doesn't matter, do it still. If you're not coming to samadhi, mind still, you're taking the name of God. If you're not feeling the bhava, if you're not feeling the love in your heart, doesn't matter, still do. If Nirguna Brahman are just concepts for you and that kind of emptiness seems alien, don't worry about it. And this funny—anything that you feel inspired to do.

That is one aspect. The other aspect is celebrating too soon. There's a scientific name for that—what is it? Something, something Dunning-Kruger principle, something. What does this principle say? That when we're first exposed to something, then many times very quickly we will feel like we have some mastery over it and we become really good. Then it starts to stabilize and that sort of irrational exuberance starts to fall off, and then we realize, 'Oh no, actually this has a lot more depth than I initially considered.' So we look at it and we have that great fall in our self-confidence in some way, and then we start to really take these tiny steps back to improvement that are needed. So both lamenting and saying 'not happening' and celebrating too soon usually are just signs of trouble. So all of this that is being shared is just so that we can keep ourselves in that holiness for God to work on our hearts. And what is being offered is just: remain simple.

You understand, Father, when—to not lament and to not feel like a sense of achievement and to be totally empty, it is like there is no path. There's no path. There's no path because in a path, if I see myself walking on a path, then I am always going to be either too slow or I'm feeling very happy with my progress. And then when there is no path, and that moment of empty is all that is needed, and as you said, moment to moment—and it seems to be, I mean, that's it. But then they know the humanness of us and that we slip out of that moment. And sometimes I wonder, because Father, like even—

Let's pause for one moment. So this—let's explore for a few minutes together on this pointing. It is a very beautiful pointing of the pathless path, of the no path. And possibly if you were to take an aggregate of the twelve years of satsang that this one has shared, the main essence would have been the pathless path or no path. What is the—okay, so let's not even say what is the purpose of sharing it in that way. Let's say if someone hears that there is no path, what are the two options available in front of them?

Reject.

Yeah, exactly. So I say to you there's no path; you could reject it and say, 'He talks rubbish. Let him keep his no path, I am happy on my path.' So, rejection. Now the second is acceptance, that okay, there is no path. But in that acceptance, what is the no path being accepted as? As a path, you see what I'm saying? So even the pointing—and it is shared with that intention. So when I shared it, and I'm sharing it for so many years, that there is no path to God because—and today's satsang actually we started like that—because He's so beyond any human instrument, there cannot really be a path. But it is shared in that intention that the listener takes this on as the path, you see? Otherwise why are we sharing it, knowing fully well that most will reject this path of the pathless path? But the few may accept the fact that the path is pathless is the path.

So, and that is why in the intellect there's really no winning. Whichever way you look at it, it becomes that. Say, 'I'm not going to plan'—that becomes a new plan. 'I'm going to live only spontaneously'—that becomes then non-spontaneous spontaneous living, you see? So there's no real way in our mind to escape it. And so when the path of innocence is being offered or simplicity is being offered, it is also being offered like—innocence means not having a plan, like an infant doesn't have a plan. But it's being offered to all of us as a plan, as an offering, you see? Till then that innocence itself has to eat itself up as a plan, has to in some way dissipate itself up as a plan.

So because the mind is so tricky, it can say, 'Okay, now if the infants have it,' you see? Everyone's saying, 'Return to that innocence of a child, only the children will enter the Kingdom of Heaven,' all of these things. Then we may make a tactic saying, 'Let me just then observe children and just stay with them and then learn this.' But even that doesn't work, does it? It doesn't work because there is something to having gotten into that trap of Maya and then escaping that trap of Maya and then sharing from there, versus just the sheer innocence which a child has.

So, our sheer incapacity or helplessness on the spiritual path—the inability to really be able to grasp and conclude this way or this way anything at all—is what makes it so daunting for most brothers and sisters. Makes it so daunting. Like, 'I come to satsang, is it like this or is it like that? How am I supposed to be?' It can be such a seeming struggle. But in the attempt to divest from the wrong instrument, maybe this struggle is very much part of the process.

And then Father, the most daunting thing also, in the last few months for me personally, has been that, you know, like when someone like yourself explains that it's—you still—it's not like, 'I've known the truth, I know the truth, and then that's it.' You sometimes speak about how you have also to stay with it, that it is not a one-shot, one-shot. And then there again it's like, if it's not that, then it's not really something to tick-box or like, 'I will do this, I will know this, and I will...' It seemed to me in that sharing that even that is... I don't know.

And that is very much symptomatic of this path where—and you know the irrational exuberance I was talking about—because there will be many times in our lives where we will feel that the real pointers of the scripture are so apparent to you right now in this moment. The sheer oneness of it, the sheer recognition of yourself as Nirguna Brahman is so apparent. And yet in the circle of life, in this play of life, we cannot deny that Maya still gets us from point to point, and it's a constant job. We can never be...

It is symptomatic of this path where, you know, the rational exuberance that I was talking about—because there will be many times in our lives where we will feel that the real pointers of the scripture are so apparent to you right now in this moment. The sheer Oneness of it, the sheer recognition of yourself as Nirguna Brahman is so apparent. And yet, in the circle of life, in this play of life, we cannot deny that Maya still gets us from point to point. It's a constant job; we can never say, 'Oh, done now, tick-tick, now what is next?' or 'It's the end of next now forever.' But as daunting as that may seem, for me, objectively trying to be as objective as possible, what is the alternative? It is like a million times more daunting. Is it as difficult as it may seem to lead a life where I'm just taking myself to be the false one and there is no connection, no relationship with God? That just seems so... no matter how difficult a true life may seem, a zombie life can never be an alternative. Who knows God? The zombie life is definitely not ever a thing because it just... I mean, there is knowledge of it, right?

Okay, let me see if I understood that. So, are you saying that for one who has come to an insight about God's reality and God's presence in our heart, they can never return to zombie life? You see, yeah, I don't know about that. I feel it's very possible. In fact, I feel like—I don't know, explore this together—but I feel like there's a possibility of a zombie life which is worse than before, with the ego, with the spiritual pride, with the Ravana-type idea. So, maybe a much worse sort of zombie life. At least in regular human life, we are not that proud. We still pray; holy Diwali, at least we pray. But when this kind of spiritual pride hits us, then we become very... like, even strong suffering doesn't shake it for a long time, you see? Because we can just keep applying the balm of spiritual concepts: 'Actually, nothing is happening to me. I'm not the experience. I'm not the doer.' But you can sense that the fragrance has gone completely missing from that. And we can keep in our pride that 'I don't want to let go of my perch, which is higher than everybody else.' Then we get into a denial about our inner condition, the state of our being.

And our Being is a very, very beautiful instrument. Being, capital B, is the Being of just pure Consciousness, your Being untouched. But when we speak of 'our being,' then we are talking about all the layers of our existence. And as much as we would like to wish away our intellect, as much as we would like to wish away our emotion, as much as we would like to wish away the realm of perception, this waking state is very resilient. It keeps coming back and it keeps offering things in all of these things. But I found that the more we learn to be attentive to the true Being, then that which seems like the rest of my being also seems to permeate more and more. And in a way, maybe that is what I'm calling the—when I was saying rising up or the transcending, whichever way you look at it—the emotion or the union of myself into God has to have the recognition of the Oneness with God as well as the continued merging of that which is still considered to be me or the rest of me.

So, I'm realizing that when Tulsidas Ji or Sant Kabir Ji talks about the company that we keep, it is a lot to do with the inner company that we are keeping. To keep the company of resentment or grievances or pride has such a corrosive impact on the state of my being. And vice versa; in the company of love, compassion, kindness, just stretching a little bit for a brother or sister, the little things, then the complexion of what's inside seems to sweeten deeper. In this book, you know, 'Invitation to Freedom,' my journey with all of this started with chancing on that book one day. And so, you know, that word is used like an 'invitation to freedom.' And actually, it is just that brief insight through that exercise that I am not the mind. But then it is not freedom because it is all that seems to be like actually just the first baby step to this knowledge or whatever. I mean, I've just said 'pathless' and I'm talking steps, so there we go. But the thing is that I just wondered sometimes—like, what I suppose is not important, Father—but sometimes I feel like I love to understand. Like, what is this? There are these terms like insight, then there is freedom, then there is transcendence, and there is, I guess, enlightenment. And I don't know, at some point if you think it's helpful, I would love to understand.

In Consciousness speaking with Consciousness, I remember we worked on a glossary of terms. Now, I'm sure if I read it now, I'd want to tear it all up, but maybe there's something helpful there. But really, most importantly, I hope all of you are getting the sense that it is not really in the... to define is to basically draw the boundary. To define, in a way, is to confine; like to confine the meaning of something as 'cat' meaning it has to be like this, it has to meow and not bark, you see? So, we're confining the boundary of Being by the basis of the definition that we give to it. But the true understanding really is just that which is known in a deeper place. And there, then the outer definitions, all the outer words, become a little lighter. These bubbles you can play with rather than strong boundaries. And actually, in that, then becomes a great softness in our life also because we're not so strongly defining: 'This is bad, this is good, this is wrong, this is right.' We are becoming a little open about this and realizing that good and bad is all from God. What comes from God is good; what comes from my pride and ego is not good. So, where are my definitions and claims coming from? So then that makes us a bit lighter and easier.

Putting everyone to sleep? I'm going to sleep. Just simple, simple, heartfelt. If this life can be spent as an earnest temple priest, then I feel as fine. Earnest is very important. What does the earnest temple priest do? Somebody gives him something, they say, 'Ah, oh, okay, now let's work on this water. What do you think? What do I think?' No, that's not the job of an earnest temple priest. Somebody gives him something, he just turns towards God and says—he lays it there. And then at the end of the Puja, whatever he picks up something from there and gives it back to you. It's a simple way of life. As long as there's a 'me,' we just receive, offer it to God, offer it back to the world as a Prasad from God.

Now, if I was a judgmental temple priest or you were a judgmental temple priest, how would it be? 'You got this for God? This is very far from the Krishna-Sudama story.' But isn't that what we're doing with most of our life? With our expectations, we look at our relationships and say, 'How could you? How dare you? Only this much? So little? Am I not worth so much more?' So quickly, it is no longer about God. But what does the earnest temple priest do? 'Thank you. I trust what you offer is what your capacity to offer is. I trust the love that you offer is your capacity for love that you offer.' And the more it is accepted in a wholehearted way, the more it can then deepen. I'm not saying I do that; I'm still learning how to. But I'm saying that's how an earnest temple priest would be: that you trust the devotee who comes to the temple and says, 'This is what I want to give you,' and the priest says, 'It's all for God, and I trust that whatever you're offering must be the highest according to your capacity. I did not expect more from you.'

And in that simple lesson, then, would be the end of conflict or trouble in relationships. When it is 'me' on the other end, then it is trouble. When it is God, I don't have to worry because He knows; it's none of my business. So, you come to Satsang, you don't pay any attention, you're just on your own trip. I can maybe point as an elder brother, maybe point out and say something like that. But more and more, I'm learning that for me to pray for you may be higher than to point it out to you. And if that is the gift that comes, if that is the Prasad that comes from God, may it truly be so. That if God moves this mouth in that way, then some points of correction may come. But God can work on you much more than I ever could or you ever can.

And there's a big trap in those whom God has designated as teachers or, you know, outer gurus in this world. The minute the priest starts to feel like it is about him and not about the Diya of God, that can lead to all the mess and all the trouble—and most, more than anyone else, for themselves as well. What a great disservice it would be that the great unfathomable One is now being presented as a very fathomable mortal one, one who ages, one who has worldly needs and desires. Getting a sense of what I'm saying? Like, it is very beneficial for us to have faith and reverence in the priest; nothing is wrong with that. But if I was to, for example, say that, 'Oh, all of you children, yes, Ananta is God,' and I may say I'm doing it because it helps your devotion, it helps you focus, it helps you do all of that—'Ananta is God, He is it'—so what have I done? I have taken the great unfathomable One and created a misunderstanding of that unlimited greatness and made it about this one.

So, we can revere the priest, we can love the priest—not that I'm asking for any of that for this one—I'm just saying generally, I feel like somewhere we've got all mixed up about these things. It is good to respect the elders, good to have reverence for those who are guiding us to God, but it is not healthy for any outer expression instrument to claim godliness or claim the entirety of God for themselves. And I see it in sharing so many years of Satsang; I see how the trajectory could move in that direction if Grace did not come and point us to the right path again. How it can quickly become about, 'Oh, but I say like that and I do like this, and everything is Ananta everywhere.' It's very easy to get into that because it becomes a very strong echo chamber. It becomes an echo chamber where your mind loves to think that everyone around you is saying the same thing and falling at your feet and putting you on a pedestal, doing all of these things. So, it's very easy for us to lose track of what this was really about, and it soon becomes a sort of new Ravana mode without realizing.

The faith of a devotee versus the constant vigilance on the part of the one who is sharing the instrument—see, both are very important. And I don't feel like there is anyone who can say that 'I have transcended Maya 100%.' I'm sure many say that, actually, but in my heart, I don't feel that. Maya operates like that; only God is Maya-less. But when we sing, it's only for God. And most importantly, it's very unhealthy for the health of the instrument itself when you think you know it all, you've got it all, you're fully transcended Maya. That is the end of your deepening. So, after this body is gone, if any of you are getting into those traps, I'll find a way to come in.

It's good to say these things because you don't know. Like, I see so many things. I don't know what gets remembered. Like, with every teacher I've gone to, probably I remember that which they least expect me to remember, because that's how memory works. You just... something just, 'Oh, and he said like that.' I'm sure all of you have a few things about this one also. When we're out like that, that's when you said like this. I say, 'I said that?' 'Yeah, yeah.' So, that's why I just want to make sure I set all this out. So, if you're ever in a place—this one is long gone or you've left him or whatever—and you're in a situation in life where somebody wants to name a temple after you or a building after you or something, something after you, remember to name it after God. May these words stick with you. Just resist that thing. You're nobody.

This one also, when we are out like that, that's when you said like this. I said that, yeah, yeah. So that's why I just want to make sure I set all this out. So if you are ever in a place, this one is long gone or you've left him or whatever, and you're in a situation in life where somebody wants to name a temple after you or a building after you or something, something after you, remember to name it after God. May these words stick with you. Just resist that thing. You're nobody. You're just a mere instrument. What will happen if some structure is named after you? You will be gone soon. Yes, resist all this temptation. Not that necessarily you will fall for pride if those things happen, but there's a very high chance. And I'm not trying to make any statement about anything on the outside; I'm just telling you about how I feel my children should live, not judging any holy ones who are there. I'm just saying that at least for us, those things are beyond. Let's not get into those things.

And God wakes us up; He shakes us out of these things. When I heard Francis Chan speak about this, where he said that, 'I was so disappointed because I overheard some chatter from those who came to sermon with me. I was very disappointed because they were talking about how great I am, and the whole point of the sermon was to talk about how great God is.' Another statement of his, very beautiful, he says that these stage lights, they have poison. They have poison. You're surrounded by ten people who are listening to you, something starts happening to you. It happens. So don't get into any of this stuff because only the audience of one is important. It makes no difference if there are a hundred listening to you, there are a thousand listening to you, half the world is listening to you. How are you in God's eyes? That is important.

So all of this is interrelated. The more we offer to God, the more you realize how much He's with you, how much He's watching you, how much He's available for you, how much the complexion of your inner being, the presence of love, peace, joy—what is all of that telling you? The inner compass of your heart, how is it guiding you? So if you get stuck in all of these things on the outside, you won't have time for all of this exploration on the inside. So don't do yourself this disservice. You'll get trapped in these kind of things and soon you won't have time for the true exploration. There's a whole universe inside you, and all of this also arises from God, but you need that inner universe also—the subtleties of it, the guidance that comes from it, the sweetness, the seeming sense of distance at times. All of these things are a different way of life; that is the spiritual way of life. So don't confuse the spiritual way of life with things on the outside like this. It spills over, there is outpouring here also, but most importantly is that inner journey, inner growth, inner deepening. Many, many, many well-intentioned ones get caught up in like a spiritual Maya and then leave no time for the inside.

I want to report that since we added the third prong of the trident, which is, you know, there was Jnana, there was Bhakti, and now there's the Seva element, which I would maybe call Karma, and you know, just Seva and Karma, right? So it feels like there's a deepening in the immersion in the Self through this. When we come to Satsang individually, it just feels like, as a result, the experiencing of the Oneness has become much deeper. At the same time, when doing the Seva, I noticed that also sometimes pushes you into goal-setting, individuality, sometimes feeling some disappointment, sometimes, you know, just wondering why things aren't happening faster. And you know, that all kind of, sometimes those elements, those thoughts come in. And so I was wondering about that because I would say, big picture, it feels like the symphony is getting richer; at the same time, there are discordant notes that it's producing. So I just wanted to kind of share that's one thing I just want to share with you and ask you.

Yes, yes, yes. As the first part, of course, we know, but the second part is very important. So the second part is that in any Seva project, no? So in any Seva project, what happens is that a lot of all our spiritual depth gets exposed in any Seva project especially. And I've seen this in all the Sanghas that I've been in, because Seva happens in a way because, as opposed to corporate life or business life, Seva life is very different. Because you may have, you may say, 'This is the hierarchy, these are the team leaders, this is how it will flow,' but everybody is doing it for God or for their Guru. So they don't bind to any of that hierarchy. They will feel like whatever we are feeling is the best way for us to do. And when a few people get together, everyone will have different ideas on what is best and what is the right thing to do and what is the wrong thing to do. And when it happens in that free-flow sort of way, then it can take a long time before everybody starts to settle into a way of operation, because everyone comes from a different history, different experiences, different ways of doing things. Maybe everybody is used to taking charge and doing it, so nobody knows how to really follow. Or everybody's used to following, so nobody knows how to take the lead. All these kind of problems can happen.

So Seva is one guarantee that it will bring everything to the surface. Everything that is festering, all our conditions, all our—it's like that Baba statement: 'If you feel you're enlightened, spend a weekend with your family.' The same way, if anyone feels they're enlightened, just do Seva collectively as a Sangha. This pushing of each other's buttons, someone's being very dominant, someone being just very, very full of inertia—all these things will happen. But by God's grace, as long as we keep it about those ones from the streets that we're helping and those children who have been given a home. But some of this is important to come up.

I'm also finding that, you know, some other groups like identity-based groups, you know, when discussions come up which intersect with my learnings in spirituality, either I have to be quiet, you know, and just pretend like I'm not part of the discussion, yeah? Or if I jump in and give my own ideas—not my ideas, but share my learning in some way—even though I try to put it in a secular way, sometimes, you know, I just, I don't know, I just I feel like very isolated, right? Not seeking to be understood, but not really, don't feel like I'm either understood or... yeah, maybe it's just I feel like maybe people think, 'He's just a weirdo, just weird,' you know what I mean?

Yes, fully. Just, you know, ideas more than you can imagine.

So for instance, if there's a discussion, and this experience, you know, people were saying, you know, it was about brainwashing. A discussion came about how different identity groups are all brainwashed and you know, all that. And I just said, 'Look, it's not so much about identifying with your brainwash or not, but it's a little about more about separating yourself from the thought process itself and noticing, you know, that you're detached and the witness of it,' right? And there just felt like the whole thing just died. And it just died there. There was no... somebody made a joke and then, yeah, and then, you know, just died, right? So I don't know, I mean, is it the end point that you... we don't know somehow how Grace will move us? We don't really know.

In a way, yes. Yeah, not even denying it. Some people may actually get... Grace finds the way. So what happened is that at one point I used to work with Cisco, so, and I just like, something was here that just wanted to share something about what was being seen here. So then what happened is that there were a few of us friends—mostly they were hostages because they used to work in my team—so we used to gather every day at about 6:00. When we were done with a lot of the work of the day, we would gather at 6:00 and we would just start talking about some of these things. And then I would say, 'How do you know that this is not a dream?' And they would look at me like, 'What a weirdo.' Or I would say, 'You know that voice in your head?' And they would say, 'You have voices in your head? You need to, you need to get yourself checked,' you know? And this kind of thing. But one day, so it was mostly in good humor and things like this, nobody ever took me too seriously. But one day this boy really had a big temper because he came, probably just wanted to hang and make some friends and do all of that, but by the third or fourth day he was like, 'I don't know what you keep talking about this mind, mind, thoughts, thoughts! What do you mean? Then are they yours? Are they mine?' You're a big temper. He just like told me to shut up and he just went away. Youngster. But at that point he had had it, you know? He didn't care about levels and all of that anymore, he just... because when you speak like that about the mind, it becomes like an attack.

So to be considered a weirdo, to be taken to be silly, or just like the indifference of it all, like, 'Oh, he's asking all the big questions, but who can ever come up with the answers?' You know, these kind of attitudes. And like, 'He's just showing off how smart he is.' These kind of all these things come in response to just a sincere exploration of what is going on here. So yeah, these are very natural things. But then Grace got me all of you. Grace is so beautiful that I keep saying that there were times where I used to say, 'I want to join a Sangha where I'm the first Sangha member,' you know? And the idea was I'll get to spend so much time with the Guru and be with them so closely and things like that, because all the Sanghas that I joined were already starting to grow very big and things like that. So anyway, so that was the thing, and I realized later that God made me the first Sangha member of this Sangha. So just got all this beauty unfolding around me which I never expected, because I was too introverted to ever want to share Satsang or share any of this. I would rather just sit by myself. So we don't know how Grace will... but don't get disheartened with all this. It's very natural. In my retreat the other day, I heard some boy really lost it and got very angry and upset about the mind, yeah? So she said, 'Oh, the mind is not really your friend,' or something like that, and obviously his mind didn't like that. Big temper. These things will happen to all of you friends. We are a bit like Shiva's Bhuta, but we'll have to do for now. You're just telling us about friends, don't let him speak. What a weirdo. No, anyway, no escape, but he knows God is watching.

Father, so really there is a lot of resistance for Seva, what you mentioned, yeah? And I'm not able to connect in any way. So in fact, like all the rationalization plays in the background like auto-play: 'Raja could not do it in 27 years, what are you going to do?' All the rationalization then that, 'No one has solved this problem of Janva and make everybody, you know, all problems go away, so why are we trying it now? Are we another charity?' Or, 'I would rather sit on Friday and look at this, read or listen to some Satsang rather than going and trying to solve the world's biggest problem.' In fact, I also had a mini rage or anger with Arin like, 'Why are you bringing this, all this change right away? Everything is going all well now, every Friday you are asking us.' And he didn't ask, he didn't ask at all. No, he started, Father, I know, no, Father, again. Yeah, and then the guilty part comes, like how everyone is able to connect and I am, I am, I heartless? Or is it a question of money or so many things coming? But I just don't want to come there, Father. I don't know. Again, as you said, different levels and conditionings are getting exposed. I'll wait for... and please help. It's been, it's been tough for many of us. It's so... one Guruji I was with said...

Every Friday you are asking us, and he didn't ask. He didn't ask at all. No, he started, 'Father, I know.' No, Father, again. Yeah. And then the guilty part comes, like how everyone is able to connect and I am—am I heartless? Or is it a question of money or so many things coming? But I just don't want to come there, Father. I don't know. Again, as you said, different levels and conditionings are getting exposed. I'll wait for—and please help. It's been tough for many of us.

It's so... one Guruji I was with said, because I had this question in me that why aren't we doing something, you know? Why aren't we at that point right in the beginning of my spiritual process? So he said that all the greatest ones have come and gone. Krishna has come and gone, Ram Ji has come and gone, Jesus has come and gone. The world is the same, if not worse. So I'm not here to fix the world or make it better and all. I'm just here to play something here. Just love that answer. I was just like, okay, this really helps. Nobody has been able to do anything. Ram Ji has come and gone, Krishna Ji has come and gone, the world is the same. There is even more suffering. So who am I who wants to do something and all of that? So something felt relevant probably from that sort of answer.

But I feel like, let's not do necessarily—I'm not forcing anyone to go there or do anything, and there's not much we can actually do in person there anyway. But can we, when we walk on the streets, can we wave at people, bring a smile on their faces? Can we just, if somebody is looking a bit sad, just ask about their wellbeing? This much little, little we can do. So we may not change the world, we may not leave it much better, but at least in that one moment we broke the pattern for that one who was in some mental worry or something like that. Is it? So I would love it if somebody did that to me. If I was just caught up in some mental thing and they just saw me on the street and just waved to me and said hi, it is a breakout. Like there is some friendliness in this very isolated-seeming world.

So there are many tiny ways in which we can break out of this shell. And that story is a cliché, but I feel there's something in it. You know that story of the boy who is walking on the beach? All these starfish, they're being pulled to the shore and then they can't swim back, so they die on the beach. So there are thousands on this one beach. This boy is just picking up and picking and throwing them back. So this man comes and says, 'But there are hundreds of thousands of these on the beach. How many will you help?' So this boy picks up one and throws it. 'Helped that one.' There is something in that story.

But I realize that many of these things can be for like us to feel better about ourselves. So that is why when we went there the other day, I said, what is the way in which we can really help? Instead of like, if you're going there, I don't want it to become like, oh, they have to entertain us or do something for us or, you know, make us feel wanted. We don't want to add to their pressure of their life, which is already so complicated. So if you are helping more from the outside by making sure that they have—one child has some little bit of jam to eat today when you would just add a plain bread slice, is enough. What do we need to worry so much about? So will we change the world? Will we change? Only God can do that. Can we add some jam to somebody's bread slice? Maybe.

So sometimes the pressure of how much there is to do also stops us from taking even one step, you see? Like, what difference is it going to make? Will I really make a change to anything? Probably not. And it's okay to accept that, that God has the power to change things. We can just bring a smile on a brother's face or a sister's. Okay, don't worry. All this also has to unfold in its own rhythm. And Ari is not at all—I'm so grateful to him that he got this opportunity to us and to me especially, because I had not visited for a long time after stopping Kushel, which is quite a strong, long experience for me to having to let go of Kushel Foundation because of lack of fundraising. I really felt so connected to those children in Iura and things. But when I went there, it was so beautiful what they're doing, is it? And I just felt like whatever little bit we can help to do, it would be good.

It's really the difference between lip service and actual doing. So I can—I can feel the pain there. Difference between the lip service and actual seva. Otherwise, it's easy to say I can serve God or serve humanity, but when it is coming to actuality, I could feel the resistance.

True. It is very easy for us to fall into that trap that when we go there, it helps them. I feel like talking to them helps us more than it helps them. Talking to those people who have been abandoned by their families and now most of them have very strong mental conditions and things like that, it would be pride for us to think that, 'Oh, I'm talking to them, so it's helping them.' I feel like just talking to them helps us.

But really at this point, there is a struggle in that place because they have 800 people. And those 800 people to feed takes 22,000 rupees per meal: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Yeah, per meal. Per meal for 800 people is like... and that is quite something in itself to be able to feed 800 people in 22,000. But it's a constant treadmill that they have to run on. Constant treadmill. And by God's grace, they've not skipped. I feel like he said that we've not, by God's grace, something has always come and we've not had to make anyone go hungry. But there are things like they stopped using atta; they only use rice. There are things they've had to discontinue.

So when I said the other day, what is it that is of immediate need? And she came back after checking, she said, 'Immediately our need is for our children to get a decent breakfast before going to school.' And she said it could be bread, it could be butter, it could be anything, you know, breakfast things. What else? I think we posted a list. Just some simple things to make which they can—which are filling for them as well. So I felt let's try. I mean, we may not be able to feed all the children, but whatever little we can do, let's do. Even in this, if you can be simple about it, I feel it's easier. Okay, we do not feed 800 people. Suppose we fed 10, we fed five, we fed one child. It's all right. What is the downside?

Friday satsang.

There are some 10,000 satsang recordings from—how many? At least 5,000 must be there now. It's been 12 years constant satsang sharing. So satsang can't be anyway that... right? That time is not very good for them anyway. So we may not cancel one. Let's see. Let's see. So this thing you said, like, lot for now. Suppose one more thing is there. That suppose you're getting conned. Suppose that somebody is the best actor in the world and they've conned you. Do you feel like God is going to say, 'You gave all this time, money, energy, all of that, but you got conned, so it doesn't count'? Is He going to say like that? Exactly. So we don't have to worry about things that we have no control over. The audience of one, He knows. So if your intention is to really help in the smallest way, you don't have to worry who is what is their agenda, who's being called, what is our agenda. That is important. That's all.

Can't you—you speak about praying, like saying pray for this one and that one is sick or something. And I noticed sometimes it comes automatically to pray and sometimes there's deep resistance and anger. Why can't we just trust that God must be doing the right thing? Why do we now have to go on making a big... I'm just—I'm not happy. That's how it's feeling for me. I feel like guilty if I don't pray, or there's a pressure. And when I have to pray, it just automatically gets... what should I do?

What... I'm sure the priest also, there must be people coming to him saying, 'Maharaj, please bhajan.' He must be also—his mind also must be saying, you know, with his tiny problems, not realizing. But what is the job of the earnest priest? That is... what you tell me, what is the job? Just ask. Suppose we go to this temple on Saturday sometime, we've gone a few times. So the priest over there, very sweetly, he does the puja very beautifully. So I know you kids will say this one finds everyone sweet and... but, but, but suppose you went to him and said, 'Please Pujari Ji, can you just take to Hanuman Ji this thing that I have some extra hair growing on my ears?' What? 'Get out from my temple!' That's not the job of the priest. Whatever the bhakta is bringing for God, he's just the communication line. That's it. It's not for us to judge and say, 'Come, you're writing to me for a prayer? Are you writing to the whole sangha for a prayer about this? How could you? Don't you know that God is already taking care?'

And this thing now, we always feel like they should know by now. We always feel they should know by now. What we need to learn—have you noticed this? Whenever we feel that they should know this by now, it is that which we need to learn the most.

I need trust and... that sounded so much like a Byron Katie, yeah, what you just said. Exactly. Just turn it around.

So God is taking care of everything except those people who are pestering you about praying. No, that is out of His court. So God is taking care of everything and so we need—so we need to just trust. So they need to just trust? Yes. So then I need to just trust that God is taking care of everything, including whether they are trusting or not. Including whether they trust or not. That's His problem and not mine. It's for Him to judge and not for us. It's tough. It's not easy. It's... when it happens day after day where you feel like somebody is just not getting the point, it can be tough. So I'm not saying it's always easy, but just our job is to—God has brought that to us. Our job is to bring it to Him and to see if there's any Prasad to give them back in return. That's it.

This is not that complicated for me. Like if someone is asking for a prayer, if it's a close friend of mine, I really feel like praying for him. If it's a close friend of mine and going through a problem, then I feel like... not close... I'm step by step I'm going there. So now if I have possibility of more people praying with me for him, I don't want to deny him that opportunity of me and my friends praying for him. Similarly, in the same lines, if there is someone else somewhere that I don't know about, why should I deny him an opportunity that I'm praying for him? In the same round, complicating things. That is another thing that some things are complicated for some, other things are complicated for others.

For others, these days losing temper is like really bad. Like it's like uncontrollable kind of... like it doesn't happen, but then it's like two months, three months once it's happening and then it's like... like you know, just so much. And then of course I'm coming back to it, but then that again happens with—you know who it is. Either it is my mom or it'll be her. So it's like that. It's not with strangers or it's anybody like that. It's like that. And then like, I don't know, yesterday—I mean I don't know, yesterday or day before—it was like it was so bad. But I was like, why is this happening to me? And then I realized somewhere that just because it happened, I felt better. I don't know why. There was no reason to it, but then after some time I was like, I felt eased out. But then the temper is like really, really bad. I don't know.

Yeah. And it's challenging because I had the same temperament of many months of just shanti and then explosion. So just have to keep noticing that it doesn't lead to anything good. The mind justifies it. The mind says, 'Oh, it was important. It was good. It was Shiva was working through you.' You know, all these justifications. But at least when I notice my inner space while angry or expressing anger, it's just not fragrant. It's just not beautiful for God. And as we notice that more and more, that nothing...

And it's challenging because I had the same temperament of many months of just Shanti and then explosion. So just have to keep noticing that it doesn't lead to anything good. The mind justifies it. The mind says, 'Oh, it was important. It was good. It was Shiva was working through you.' You know, all these justifications. But at least when I notice my Inner Space while angry or expressing anger, it's just not fragrant. It's just not beautiful for God. And as we notice that more and more, that nothing I want to do which makes my Inner Space not fragrant for God, then it starts. I'm like much older than you and I'm still working on this, so don't worry too much also. It is important to be as free from it as possible, but stressing yourself out more and more about it can lead to more of it happening. So just keep praying, giving it to God. But truly then our benchmark becomes, when our benchmark becomes what is the temperature of my temple or the inner environment of my heart Temple, then everything becomes clear. Because if you start judging from outer parameters, that's too difficult. Because the world will say, 'Oh, it is so good you got angry because see that one behavior changed and all of this. See, because you have to stand up for yourself' and all of these things. But how can it be good when my heart Temple is not fragrant at that moment?

I can tell the same thing in a nicer manner. Like, you know, I know what they're asking for and then first time I tell in a nice way, and then second time tell nice way, and then third time it is aggression. Like, you know, it's like again, like you said previously, what they're not able to understand this and then that aggression comes up. Like, you know, and then I quickly realize after that aggression that okay, that's not what it is. Like, you know, everybody is fighting that day-to-day thing which is going on, and then once that realization happens, it just comes down straight away.

Yeah, just when you start to see yourself getting irritated, then return to your prayer, whatever you're doing. Because if you don't, at least in my case, if I don't stop it at the irritation level, then it can become anger. Once it gets to the anger point, it just aggravates. It's been good so far after we've said in Satsang, after hearing on, it's been much better. I love the way she just took all those objections and just said, 'Oh, Rishi Durvasa, this one, that one, everyone got angry.' She said, 'Okay, when you can bring them back to life, then you can burn people with your anger. When you can bring them back to life, then you can get angry.' Basically saying don't get angry. I feel like this one small thing itself can make a lot of difference.

And in anger, you know what we talk like that? The temper was so bad that I didn't even know what I have spoken out exactly. Like, I just couldn't recollect to what level of maybe damage I have done or what, I don't know. But then I just couldn't recollect to what I even spoke and then that worried me a lot. Like, you know, is this a nice way of saying sorry or no? Not my mom, it's my mother. It was like somewhere the kind of guilt kicked in, like, you know, did I really say something very bad that hurt her? Yes, of course, like she didn't talk to me till the night, then morning it was all sober out.

That is the effect of anger. It just makes us into... we say things which we would never say otherwise. So all these small, small things only become big and cause big trouble in our lives. Grievances. Just hold a tiny grievance with someone, then one day it becomes anger. It just festers within us. So our project is to let go of all things which get in the way of our love for God, in our deepening relationship with God. And no excuses.

Okay, hands are up. I just... how about in such like, from Wednesday onwards we just leave everything open like it is for everyone here? But what happens is that inadvertently somebody speaks into the mic and... but that could be all right, I guess. What you... so if you keep try to... we did it once, I don't know what happened with that, but if we just leave it free flow, anyone can come and say what will happen? No, no, that was just these trolls who had come and that's okay. So Wednesday onwards let's keep it as if you're all in one Satsang hall together and anyone can come turn by turn. Okay. Okay. All okay for Guru.