God's Presence Is the True Master - 2nd October 2024

Now if you had to plan a wedding all by yourselves, it seems like a very complicated project, very difficult. But then you come across the best wedding planner in the world and they're doing the job for you for free, then you'll be intelligent to hand it over to them, isn't it? But to still give it to the best wedding planner in the world and still be stressed about it would be silly, isn't it? It would be ignorant. It would be a lack of trust and faith in the one that you've given the job to. So either we don't have faith that the one who lives in our heart is actually the King of the Universe and He actually loves us and He has time for us and He can basically do whatever is His will—nothing can ever stop Him.

So if we trust the sages' words, the saints who have told us that actually our life can be surrendered to them, then we don't have to take any of that load onto ourselves. We can hand it over to them. We can hand it over to Him. Just like all the planning, all the resolution that we may be trying to do in our heads right now is best handed over to God. So if there are five repetitive strands of thinking that you're thinking about, one by one if you just hand it over to God, is that leading to more simplicity or less simplicity? Just checking if anybody's hearing what I'm saying. So that leads to more simplicity because our life is getting uncomplicated. This is handed over to God, this is also handed over to God, this is handed over to God.

So as we return to that simplicity more and more, that is going to have an outpouring, a natural, usually a natural expression when it interacts with the world as well. What will happen more and more as you engage with the world? What will change as you increase in simplicity? Your mind is less cluttered, less complicated. How will your life change as an outpouring of that inner grace? More kindness, compassion, lesser anger, lesser resentment, lesser guilt, lesser pride. All of these things are natural to happen. So this unfolding of all of this is to make space for God in the form of the temple in your heart. As you empty yourself from mental sense-making, conclusion-making, you will find that the truth about who you are seems more and more natural and you recognize also more and more that 'I am that I am'. That holy presence which I can call my being is not of this world; it is out of this world. In fact, the world is made up of it, you see?

So all these insights only come, truly come, when we are getting more and more innocent. And then in the light of the recognition that 'I am', it shines the light on that which is completely beyond the realm of perception, the realm of attributes. So you go to Nirguna Brahman, you recognize that. So whether you look at true self-realization, self-recognition, or the pathway of love or Bhakti or devotion, for either of these we have to let go of these constructs which make up the nature of our individuality in the form of belief systems, in the form of conditions, what Bhagavan called vasanas. So this is what... but fundamentally we are in the process of unburdening ourselves from this mental prison, freeing ourselves from this mental prison and learning the texture of a completely new life which is a heartfelt life, a life lived in the heart. Actually, even to call it heartfelt will be too limiting. You go from the way of the head to the way of the heart.

Now we have to be very careful that our mind has an idea about the way of the heart. It thinks it knows: 'How should I live? What should I do? How can I be truthful? How can I be spiritual?' So true innocence is to let go of all of these ideas as well and really be available fully to follow God's will moment to moment. So when we are empty, true insight can come. When you're empty, the sages have made a promise to us saying that when we are empty of this 'me', then God walks on that road. The lane is too narrow for both God and me, but if I'm empty of 'me', then God walks on this road. What is the meaning of 'God walks'? Then God is running my life and God is working in my heart to deepen the bond of love, and that deepening deepens more and more and more till it comes to the recognition of oneness and a union, or the absence of a distance, an apparent distance.

So as we have become more and more innocent, as we are becoming more and more innocent, we are then blessed by the guidance of a greater power which is God's presence itself, which is also called the Atma or the Holy Spirit. So in our simplicity, it is not a dumbness that we come to, it's not a stupidity. Our simplicity is not a stupidity. Our simplicity leads to a wisdom which is beyond compare because that wisdom actually comes from God's presence, from the Atma within. So as we simplify our mind, intellect, we learn to live a life of great wisdom and knowledge without any pride, because it is so apparent to us that this wisdom, this knowledge, comes from a higher place, from a higher source than any individual could ever have produced.

So how can we live like this? That has to be the question then, isn't it? That yes, I agree with you, hopefully conceptually I agree with you, but when it comes to life, when it comes to day-to-day struggles of life, then it seems impossible to live like that. So how can we make it from a theory class to a workshop to a practical session? So it would be too limiting if God had said that only this one pathway leads to Me. So we will discuss some things, but don't be under the impression that this is the only pathway to God. There are millions of pathways; maybe for each of us there's a different pathway to God, you see? But the broad strokes of that pathway we can talk about, and each of you will, under the guidance of the Atma, lead a path which will be quite distinct from everybody else. But we'll try to paint some broad pictures which more or less rely on scripture and the words of the sages so that we are not fooling ourselves and falling in the wrong traps.

So what is golden is empty, isn't it? Empty is gold because empty of... empty of what? Empty of 'me'. And empty of 'me' is when God takes over. So empty... but empty just... and I've tried this actually for a few years, but just by pointing to empty constantly, it doesn't have necessarily the impact that is needed because to be empty of the 'empty' becomes a challenge. So like the 'empty' from the idea of being empty, like 'I'm being empty, I'm open, I'm empty'—that restricts our openness, our emptiness, and that becomes a new framework for pride to be built. But if that path really resonates with you in your heart, of course, just be open and empty, that's all.

What is very important in this process is to be honest with ourselves. If you find that in spite of your intention being to be open and empty, you cannot—it's not being applied because Maya is so strong that in spite of our best intentions and strongest ideas of being empty, it pulls you in into pride, anger, resentment, grievances, struggles, all of this, all the complication that we were talking about—then we can look at some intermediate steps between being full of ourselves and being completely empty of ourselves. So in our way of Satsang, usually traditionally the two paths which have been suggested are the path of inquiry and the path of surrender, you see how it works?

If you inquire into the nature of who you are, you cannot use your mind to solve it. Like you may think and think and think, but you will never get to the true insight about who you are. You may come to a conceptual answer, but a conceptual answer is not true insight. So that your mental strategies, your mind, intellect, cannot help you with who you are. So you have to turn to a higher place for that answer. You realize that your intellect cannot solve it for you, and you then become helpless in your mind, intellect, and let go of your reliance on it. And in that letting go, you are introduced to the higher power of the Atma within which shows you the reality of who you are. So that is one way to come to the simplicity. Another way is that whatever strands that we talked about, just keep handing them over to God. Nothing complicated. Asking 'Who am I?' is also very simple. There's nothing complicated. Everything is very simple. If it is becoming complicated, then we are inserting...

You then become helpless in your mind, intellect, and let go of your reliance on it. And in that letting go, you introduce to the higher power of the Atma within, which shows you the reality of who you are. So that is one way to come to the simplicity. Another way is that whatever strands that we talked about, just keep handing them over to God. Nothing complicated. Asking 'Who am I?' is also very simple. There's nothing complicated. Everything is very simple. If it is becoming complicated, then we are inserting our mind too much into it. Okay, so let's go slowly. So what is the simplicity of self-inquiry? Most people think it's a very, very difficult, only for spiritual superstars, very, very difficult process, which is self-inquiry, because it is called Gana yoga. Gana yoga itself sounds intimidating and scary, but all you're doing in self-inquiry is sincerely asking 'Who am I? Who am I?' Then the mind presents an answer to you and you say, 'Who witnesses that thought?' For all perception, for all conclusions, instead of latching on to the perception or the conclusion, we just turn to the question: 'Who am I? Who witnesses this? Who is aware of this?' So the process is extremely simple and the insight is simpler beyond any words can grasp.

So this is the first simple way. The second simple way is the path of surrender. Surrender means everything that the mind says to you, say 'I'm bringing it to God.' So from here to here. So the mind says, 'What is going to happen to you?' I'm bringing it to God. Mind says, 'Oh, what are you going to do about this?' I'm waiting for God to show me. So everything becomes about God rather than about you. You become the priest or the sidekick in the story at best, and not the star of the movie anymore. Are you willing to be the sidekick in the movie of your life? That's all it takes. If you can make God the star and, like a good sidekick, allow Him to control the narrative fully, then that is the path of surrender.

So how is it practically? Something comes, somebody says blah, blah, blah, blah, and your mind is saying in response like that. So just build the experience to, before buying into the mind's narrative, pause. Take it to God. How to take it to God? Say, 'God, this is nothing complicated.' He knows everything, so you don't have to do anything to take it to God. Just your intention to take it to God is to take it to God. So whatever is bothering you today, say, 'God, this topic is really upsetting me today. I feel uncentered, I feel confused. Please help me with this.' And whichever aspect of God resonates with you—Ram, Krishna, Jesus, Allah—whatever word, God knows that your intention is to go to Him. Our primitive methods will never be impressive to God anyway. So whichever way. But strangely, you will notice that most things we don't take to God. Why do you feel that is? We feel like I can, we can solve it. And secondly, we feel that He is not actually here, doesn't actually hear me. All these things are good for satsang time, but come, let's get real.

So be careful of this false 'real' which is the opposite of reality, which makes you believe that God is not here, that God does not love you, He does not care about you. And the silliest idea could be that He can't do anything about it, I have to do this. Or another silly one is that this is not important enough to take to God. You see? Because we are replacing worldly hierarchical ideas and using them with God, that 'How can I take this? He will say this is so small.' It's not like that. He wants us to follow His will every moment, and whenever we are confused about it, He's available to guide us in it. So everything can be taken to God. So the difficulty is in sacrificing what I want and to wait for what He wants. And that is what? That is pride. So imagine two competing wills. That is our life, isn't it? Two competing wills. Now, that my will could be in competition with God's will itself is sheer silliness, and that silliness itself is pride, is it not?

So that idea that I don't have to wait for God, I don't have to turn to God, I don't want to wait for His will because I know in this case what everything means and I know what to do in this case, what I have to do. So I hope you're seeing the interlinkages in everything that I'm saying. If we are too full of ourselves, we can never wait for God's will, you see? So the more simpler we are, the more patient we are, the more faithful we are, the more humble we are, we will make ourselves available to follow God's will. So if the idea that He's sitting in the same room with you, if that helps you, use that. Krishna is sitting with you in your room. This problem comes here. What do I do? Wait for Him to respond. Have faith in God's response. What is the boundary of our faith? 'Oh, I took it to God but nothing happened.' After how much time? After how much time? When is the right time to leave God's will and go to my will? What is the right time? Never. It's never the right time. Yet we will do it a lot of times. I do it a lot of times. That is the compelling nature of Maya to use our idea of what we want—my will, my pride—to get between me and God, or to prevent the dissolution of the 'me' into God.

So then Pankaj told us the other day, and I noticed on Gauri Ma's table also I've been working, that two things are very important: faith and patience. And patience is also called saburi. I didn't know that, and maybe it makes a lot of sense because maybe the best example we have of patience is Shabri. So this saburi sounds very similar to Shabri. So if you can have one-millionth of the patience that she had, one-millionth of the faith that she had, then we see that... are you calling us? Okay, maybe it's something. So I saw on your desk, Gauri Ma, this, that somebody's gifted you something from Shirdi. The two messages over there are faith and patience. So how much patience do we need to have? As much as possible. As much as we can muster up. And as we learn to muster up more and more and more, we become better at being more and more patient. We cannot be impatient about following God's will.

So I had a problem, I brought it to God. God was silent as usual, so I went my own way. You see, that cannot be it. It's better than nothing, but still that can't be it. So you say, 'I have this problem, I come to God with the innocence of a child, not as option A, because I have no other alternative but to bring it to God.' And the beauty of what unfolds in that patience is something that all of us must experience because it is a deepening of humility, it is a deepening of faith, it is a deepening of love. So don't allow your mind to convince you that, 'Oh, this is so difficult, it's so terrible, I can't do it.' It'll come with all of that. Have the patience, one-millionth of Shabri, both in your inquiry and in your surrender. Because it's a rare one who also does the inquiry and 'Who am I? Ah, pure awareness I am.' And even that insight comes very quick. The mind wants to grab a hold of it, make claims of enlightenment, start announcing satsang, start gathering people. It wants to be impatient with all of those things. So don't fall into those traps either with your inquiry or your surrender. And we don't have to pick even whether inquiry or surrender; we can leave that to God's will. We don't have to label ourselves a gani or bhakta. God's will has no use for that label. So don't restrict yourself. Allow God's will to determine even that flow of your life.

So in the process of inquiring, in the process of surrendering, all the other qualities that need to be developed within ourselves will happen naturally. So you realize that patience needs to happen. Now, can patience happen without humility? If somebody's very proud, can they be patient? They just can't be. They'll be too full of themselves and pride and rushing. To be patient, their own idea of what they know will be too compelling for them to wait for God to guide them. So another way of saying patience is to just don't rush. Just wait. Something very interesting to look at on this topic is that I feel like the mind is the king of haste, and God is the king of speed. Because we say 'Godspeed,' we don't say 'mindspeed' to anyone. We say Godspeed. Why do we say Godspeed? So know that if you're being mental about it, it gives you the illusion of speed, but is actually just haste. It's that whole thing I was sharing last time about displacement versus distance. So we may go up and down, up and down, but not have moved from where we were. But nothing can move compared to God's speed, you see? So trust that all true progress, if there is such a thing, then that has to come from God's grace.

You can apply yourself and apply yourself mentally and it won't happen. That is what Kabir Ji said. All the siapas we can do, all the smartness, all these things we can apply, but unless we follow God's will, nothing will happen. So the key construct of the way of the heart is this: patience, humility, patience, faith. Without faith, you can't be patient. So I feel like patience at the center is a very good thing to deepen in all that which is needed in this pathway to God. And what is the struggle I've seen with most of you in the last few years? 'Why rush? I rushed. I just rushed. I didn't wait for God, I just rushed.' All of us have seen that quite a few times, and that rushing actually doesn't help us see any time.

One beautiful thing I read today, so this teacher, he said that one of the things we have to be careful about is our idea of perfect. That we want to do everything A+, but sometimes in God's will, we may have to settle for C+ because your time and attention may be needed in something else that God wants you to do. That was a very strong statement here as well because all of us who've been at work and think like that feel like, 'But we must be full on A+ about everything that happens.' But it's absolutely true that God may want something which is actually not that important to Him; He's okay with C+ on that. But we have to become perfect at following His will, not our own idea of projects. So like an innocent child, to allow everything to run on God's power instead of involving my idea, but in actuality non-existent power, into the equation is what is needed.

So go ahead. I was just saying that when life throws something at you, Maya throws you a curveball, then what are you going to do? This is to make sure you're getting a sense of what I'm saying. So something happened today. You woke up and you opened your phone. You didn't take my advice of waiting for God's presence before engaging with the world. You got into it. Even if you did, suppose that you did, you came to God's presence, all of that, and then you opened your phone and some disaster is waiting for you. Now pause. Give it to God or inquire into who is getting affected by this, who is perceiving all of this. Then so you'll give it to God for how long? Boss is waiting for an answer, angry message has come, or client escalation has happened. Something has happened. So then give it to God, but God doesn't... your boss is not going to accept that you're waiting for God. Then what to do? Then 'let's keep all this stuff aside, let's get real.' Is it like that? That's a question of faith.

No, no. Leave it to God and forget about your best. Dharma is to do your best in following God. Getting it? Not 'I will do best according to my means first' and by then I'm too embroiled in all of that to come to a point of leaving it to God. And then what happens? Okay, I do my best and then if things work out anyway, then I'm there to take credit. Then where is God remembered? And things go into a deeper mess, then I'm thinking, 'I can still make this work, let me do this, let me call this one, let me...' You see? So we spend so much time away from God in the idea of doing our best. So let's do our best to follow God. Okay, so we have to do our best, let's say I agree with that. What is the most important project in our life? Follow God's will. So come what may, come whatever else, we have to do our best to follow God's will. You're not... not do anything. I'm not suggesting at all to not do anything.

A deeper mess, then I think I can still make this work. Let me do this, let me call this one, let me... you see? So we spend so much time away from God in the idea of doing our best. So let's do our best to follow God. What? Okay, so we have to do our best. Let's say I agree with that. What is the most important project in our life? Follow God's will. So come what may, come whatever else, we have to do our best to follow God's will. You're not to not do anything. I'm not suggesting at all to not do anything. I'm just saying that only do what comes from God, you see? But there may be this sense, this fear, that if I just leave it to God, like God will not do anything or God will be too slow to respond or, you know, I may not get an answer. That is why faith is needed.

If God was instant, if God... is it a question of God's capability to be instant in his response, or is this a question of love for us, or is time for us? What is the question about when we ask? Usually, that is why I've given those four points. Like, what stops God from responding instantly? I'm not God, he said that. Then we don't buy into that conclusion that it is a question of my worthiness, because if I'm worthy enough for him to be aware of me, for me to still exist... my existence depends on him. If I was not worthy, why would I exist? Yeah. So, in another way of saying that, it's similar to what I was going to say. So if you're going to put a simple construct on it, I would put the construct that it is not his ability which prevents him from responding instantly. In this moment, he is trying to teach me something. He's trying to deepen my faith. He's trying to show me that if I remain faithful and humble and patient, his grace will take care of things. And again, take care of things according to his will and not my mind, not my way. So it's not a problem-solving engine. It's not a genie. He is God.

Attachment makes you an attachment to the outcome, yeah. You want an attachment to even ideas of what people will think of me. What is going to happen to my image? My boss will think that I'm not worthy, I'm not a good worker, whatever this situation may be. So I'm not at all saying don't do anything, but there's a difference. That's why I made the difference between haste and speed. What is the difference? Yeah, so we say, we say Godspeed. May God be with you. So we are wishing that may his will unfold. Like, who could be faster than the one who has created this universe unassisted by anybody else? He has created these universes and universes. And so why would he be slow? Patience, yeah. So that is why that whole point about haste versus speed, displacement versus distance.

We look back at our life and we say that the most important things have happened by his grace, isn't it? When we look back, we see that, oh, I was trying this, this, this, then one day I just happened to be there and it unfolded like that, isn't it? So when we look back at the past, we are able to see these things in action, that without God's grace we would be fully lost in our lives. So when we say speed in this context, then we say that really the most important things are happening for us at the right time, you see? Versus us splashing about, splashing about, thrashing about, and things not unfolding the way we want necessarily. It's a good contemplation to see: is grace a mechanism of slowness? This is what our mind fights us with. It makes us rush because of this. That is grace unaware of the... because God is timeless, he's like, okay, it's okay, they wait another three years to find the best relationship. It's okay. Is it like that?

Exactly, absolutely. That his grace is so even difficult to recognize because we are so caught up in ourselves. But later we look at it and say, oh, how did that happen? I just saw one YouTube video and my life changed, you see? I just had a meeting with a friend the other day and he said, ah, have you heard this or have you been to this teacher? And our life can change. We don't realize. So don't allow the mind to rush you.

So what is the safest way in which you know that you're living in God's will? Shall we put it like that? That I know that I'm in God's will. I don't know whether I'm actually listening to his instruction, whether he is moving me or I am moving myself. Too much complication. Let's see. So just remain present to his presence. As long as you are present to his presence, he's moving. If you're with God, your job is to be with God. And if the Atma Gyan path is more compelling for you, more attractive for you, then your job is not to fall into any false identification. Don't pick up the 'me'. Then know that what is unfolding is God's will.

As you learn to remain in his presence, then the subtle signatures of his way of communicating also become more and more apparent to us. Not that he can't communicate in stronger ways. When there's been time, he sent different ways of communication also to whoever needed to be communicated with. Not that it's, again, not a restriction on his ability. It's again a question of how he wants us to become. He wants us to become softer in our heart so that we can listen to our heart compass more clearly. No topic is revealed for God. Yes, everything can be taken to God. Everything. He's got an infinite amount of time for us. Therefore, imagine that you had a relationship with a child and you loved them more than anything else. You had no restriction of time. You were aware of everything the child was thinking, feeling, intending, doing, everything. And what is the fourth? And you have no restriction on your ability. Then what does the child have to worry about?

And because in our misidentification we misidentify who we are and what we are, we also find it very difficult to understand that this is the way that God is, you see? So our first lack of faith is that we forget that he is. So there were many weeks in satsang where I was just saying, but God is here, and God is here, God is here. And that itself may be more than enough instruction, actually. So we forget that he is. Then we forget that he is, but we may feel like he doesn't know. I have to dial a special hotline. It starts with some mantra japa, which is all good, we must do it, but it is all for ourselves to bring us to that communion, to make us empty in our heads more and more. He doesn't need a special process of communication for us to communicate with him. He's aware of every single thing. So he is, he is aware, he loves us more than any love that we can know.

Father, how will you know this? Maybe he's just an indifferent God. How do you know he loves you more than anything? Huh? Because Master... yes, that's one, to have faith in what the sages told us. It's very good. But we can't really know till we allow ourselves to deepen in our heart. And the more you deepen in your heart, you will see that this pristine love that is here, it comes from him. So if this beautiful love that I taste comes from him, what is he made up of? How much love does he have? You start to taste it more and more. So then the faith in the Master's words deepens more and more because you start to taste it for yourself. See, otherwise they just remain as words. As much as we may try to believe them, it doesn't become faith until intuitively we start to taste all of this for ourselves, you see? Until then, we must just have faith in the Master's words. It's completely fine.

So this deep love and all that is good, he is the source of, and we see that so clearly in our heart. And how do you know that he has an infinite amount of time for me? Again, you can see Master told us, but more, all of this is intuitive. You get a more and more intuitive sense of all of this, that he is not restricted by time. If he's aware of my every move infinitely, he's aware of my... and because if you want to be fancy about it, we can say because I'm indistinct from him ultimately anyway. But my idea is to not be fancy. So, and the last doubt can be the idea that even God can't help with this. Like, this is beyond even God, which is sheer stupidity. Maybe we say it in frustration or in humor or something like that, but it is just not true.

That is why in the words of prayers, Aris, all of this is inserted over there to remind us that he is the all-powerful. The point of inserting those lines is to remind us that you are the one who has made this universe unassisted, just by the power of your being. You didn't even have to like move an inch or take any effort. Just by the power of your being, these universes come to light. There's the power of your intention, there's the power of your will. All this drama which seems so big comes to light. So you are the all-powerful one. It is to remind us. He doesn't need to be reminded about the fact that he is there. Although if you notice in some prayers, it is a tradition to remind God of his mercy, his kindness, his love. It's worth a try.

Father, yes. If I feel like God can't handle something, it goes back to what you said about not understanding what God is, having the misunderstanding of who God really is in everything. And the other issue could be expectation, like a personal expectation of how it should be. Are those really the only two ways to feel like God can't handle something?

Yes, that's a very good point actually. That if you are all-knowing, all-loving, all-pervasive, infinite time, and all-powerful, then why aren't you doing what I'm asking you to do, isn't it? I'm telling you that this is what is needed. Why aren't you just doing it? You know, what is stopping you? And that all-knowing, we have to also include the Supreme intelligence, the only one who truly knows. So once if you forget that, then we can have this kind of idea. And it's very common. All of us can have it. That if you are all of these things, then what is getting in your way? Don't you see that this is what is needed?

Yeah, I suppose that's where faith comes in, because of knowing that we can't know really. We can't know everything he does. He's not obligated to let us know.

Yeah, and in borrowing the words of a famous scientist, Neil deGrasse Tyson, he said the universe has no obligation to make sense to you. Yeah, so the Lord of the universe has definitely no obligation to make sense to us. Like the sun has no obligation to make sense to a caterpillar.

We just we probably couldn't understand even if he tried. Exactly. Exactly. And we just understood that we can't understand. I feel like most of the suffering in our life is over that. Understanding is enough.

That's a very good point. That there is nobody who knows better. Thank you. So in the knowing of everything, it is also the Supreme intelligence. Yes, thank you. Perfect.

I've been out for a while, Father, from satsang, and always a good time to kind of be away and contemplate and see if things are actually getting absorbed. And so the last few weeks have been, generally speaking, very good in terms of the external world and everything. And no mental chatter just because of circumstance, so I can't take any credit for that in a sense. But then what was happening is like, oh, am I living with God? Have I forgotten God? But I couldn't answer that question because, well, I could and I don't know if it's sufficient. That maybe that's what my question is. And how should one approach this question of 'am I living in God' when everything is sometimes going well?

And so the only checkpoint I was able to answer was, you know, like you say and Ma says, Maya is 'me'. So I could see that that wasn't happening. Everywhere it was very light. There was no 'me' in anything in any kind of serious way. But then there was no active engagement with God in a sense that when things are not well, it's easy to identify that I'm taking refuge in God, right? So then it's very easy for me to say, oh yeah, I am with God, because there's a lot of suffering. But when there's not, it's very hard for me to say am I living in God. The only other thing I would say is, was I doing my malas? I was doing...

That wasn't happening everywhere. It was very light. There was no 'me' in anything in any kind of serious way. But then there was no active engagement with God in a sense that when things are not well, it's easy to identify that I'm taking refuge in God, yes? Right. So then it's very easy for me to say, 'Oh yeah, I am with God' because there's a lot of suffering. But when there's not, it's very hard for me to say, 'Am I living in God?' The only other thing I would say is, was I doing my ads? I was doing it full gusto and immersion and everything. And is there anything else? Not really.

Okay, that's good enough. Our heart knows. Yeah, we know inwardly.

I guess I felt a little like guilty in a way that, oh, because now things are good, I'm not taking refuge as much. But then it was like, well, everything is okay and Maya is not happening. Maya is not happening, so I don't know what else to do.

Just we use that sense of connection or disconnection in our heart usually as a compass to guide us. And soon it doesn't become for anything else, just the sense of being connected with Him independently of how it may be unfolding in the world or not, you see? Like in a way, it becomes our only source of contentment or discontentment—that restlessness of being disconnected from God and the reassurance and the contentment of being in the Father's lap or not. Just that itself becomes an end in itself; then we don't need to worry about any of the byproducts.

The other thing that was happening constantly is whenever there were these, let's call them beautiful moments—beautiful sunsets, beautiful meals, lovely time with friends, family, whoever—a lot of gratitude was just naturally coming and that thankfulness was coming to God. And so that was the extent of it.

Yeah, all is good. The beauty of surrendering everything to God is also that we don't become too rough with ourselves. We don't become too hard on ourselves and, 'Oh, what this, like that, like that,' you see? Because that's another mind trick to keep us away from God; it can be this like despair or guilt or despondency. So if you notice that you're feeling disconnected in the heart, just offer yourself fully to God. Say to Him that 'I am Yours' and just make yourself fully available for Him to help you. I don't feel like there's ever a time where God doesn't want to help us. Is it? The question then can be that why doesn't God help me in spite of my will, in spite of my stubbornness? And the answer is He does. He does, but also He wants us to grow and to learn.

The child goes to play in the garden, the park, and the parents keep calling them back. All of us who are parents at least have this experience, or as children we've done this with our parents. So we all have this experience. So parents keep calling us back and we say, 'No, no, no, another half an hour. I'm coming. Ten minutes, ten minutes.' That ten minutes becomes one hour. The parent keeps calling us back, you see? So a parent has to modulate between how much freedom and how much control for the child to grow, isn't it? It's very nuanced actually. And the brutish nature of the mind cannot really gather the nuance of like even questions of free will versus God's will. We can't really fathom in our intellect like the idea of a forced love. If God wanted, He would just make us turn towards Him, then what could stop Him doing that? But what is the value in that?

Like, there are these will-less parents in movies who force their kids to behave this way and this way and this, and they look all pristine, but it's hollow. So like, what is that movie? The kids in the beginning of Sound of Music—all pristine, like everything regimented, perfect. Looks perfect, but there was love also, the children and the parent, the father. There was love on both sides, but something was missing. Those actions were not coming from love; they were coming more from the rule that it has to be this way. So there is much, much more joy in allowing the children some freedom to run free and then see if they turn towards us. That is why don't keep waiting that God has to call me, God has to call me, God has to call me. All parents are always calling their children. There is no confusion about that. Do we turn? is the question.

And if you don't like the parental construct, then you can have God can be your beloved. Any construct that you can fathom. If you don't like the beloved construct or the parent construct, He can be your best friend. He has not set any boundaries to how we must relate with Him. There's so much to learn from the simple stories. Like how did Sudama Ji go and meet Lord Krishna? What was his approach? Simplicity, humility, love. Not expecting great joy that God even recognized him. Was he entitled? Was he saying, 'Why haven't You? I have been praying to You, You are not responding.' How did Shabri meet Ram Ji when He came finally? 'I've been waiting so many years,' like that. So let's not miss the simple messages in these stories. They're much more helpful. Sometime we just take these things for granted or we just don't really use them to learn.

Did she bring out her list of lamentation? Say, 'I gave up on my Moksha for You, I gave up on my life. I'm an old woman, I'm not able to do anything else now. Spent my whole life waiting for You. Why it took so long to come?' There is space for some of that and some in that love, like if you especially if you have like a motherly relationship with God or fatherly relationship with God, maybe. But you have to be very careful with those things. We should not get into any entitlement or pride or any of that. If a childlike innocence is there, then God understands.

Father, can I join on the...?

Yes, we're just making it open now that we're going to be as if the Zoom is part of the group here as well. So we'll just be here.

Okay, thank you. Because when you were speaking, there were so many things coming, wanting to just flow with you a bit on this. And it might be what you said about this own idea of what one knows that is too compelling. I think that strikes exactly something very important actually, yeah.

And just know that all of these things come from my own experience in life, that I have done all of these things. That's why I'm able to share about them, yeah.

But it's when that... still there's some compelling thing to say something, although the deeper part, it's clear that it doesn't want to say anything and it's just... it's not even silent, it's beyond speaking or silence. I found also with Guruji, because a lot of times I could feel this wanting to say something on a subject or that sometimes sounded... would have sounded maybe a bit contradicting or... but it was just the... and then I didn't speak, but then it still... it's still there. It kind of travels with you. It doesn't just... if you don't speak it out, it... so you can't say maybe ten times you don't speak and one time you speak or something like this, I don't know.

And when you are sharing about this subject, it's very alive for us, this following God's will and staying as close as possible with God's will. And you said something like, for one who is more attracted to Jnana, if he sees that there's no such agent, no such individual separate, then that is dissolved back and then whatever happens, it's God's will. And I feel it's the first time I'm actually really feeling the truth of that, like more it's coming more into... it comes to that ultimately, yeah. And then when the agency gets taken seriously enough, then the best is to try to stay as close or as much with God as possible. But I don't know, I wanted to also hear you on this a bit if something is...

No, that's precisely what I'm saying. That's exactly that. If there is a deep sense of an idea for me, then best to try and remain as close to Him as possible in the form of a surrender, in the form of saying, 'I don't know anything. Only You have to guide me, You have to move me.' And let me not decide on my own terms; let me lead this life moment to moment on Your terms. So like that, in a simple prayer, in a simple communication with integrity, we offer our heart to God more and more, make ourselves available to Him.

And the same way, if our path is more inquiry oriented, Jnana oriented, we just look at who is that one who is the doer, who is the experiencer, who am I? And this false sense of pride, false sense of knowing something gets dissolved in that process. So when the false knowing dissolves, either through the process of surrendering it to God, being uninterested because we hand it over to God, or through our looking, through our insight, that is when the Atma's guidance, that is when the Holy Spirit can guide us in a very simple way and we make ourselves available for heart guidance, for heart movement. So in a way, the method of coming to that innocence, that emptiness, that simplicity is not the most important thing because we hand over to God's presence, the Atma within. That is the important thing.

And it can be both, no? Like it can be both surrender, both insight, like you say, both prayer, both insight. And it's so beautiful, yeah.

Yes, and best is not to conclude that 'this is my way, this is not my way.' Make yourself open because sometimes our heart will guide us to inquire and sometimes our heart will guide us to just love God or to surrender to God. So it's best if you don't become too hard with the boxes that we make about ourselves, that 'I am this way, my path is this.' Like, we don't know. And usually if you are concluding something too strongly, it is the opposite of what it should be usually. We can't automatically presume that. So must not fall into the trap of 'because my mind is saying left, so I must do right.' It's not... that is also not advisable. We just have to come to that neutrality. Just keep returning to that neutrality.

And to take this a bit further, but maybe you already covered that already in your saying that there's no need for a box. But when you speak about God knowing everything, it's very beautiful in the heart way because you rather say that, then it's more close to the heart to think or to feel that God knows everything, rather than to feel He does and I'm separate and my thing here is just like nobody knows about it. But somehow in the actual looking and in the actually exploring, what I find is more that God is whatever seems to be is that thing. So He doesn't know, He is. So then when He is very close to that, is then also knowing nothing, but God is there. So in the way, doesn't know anything also, like... but it's not easy to hear from the personal thing because the person thinks there's a God, an actual entity who doesn't know anything about me. But it's more like there is no other thing but God. So in that way, there's nothing to know, He just knows.

The beauty part, and maybe this will help us in contemplating this, that can being and knowing actually be separated in its construct? Like, can there be a being which is independent of a knowing? Like, it is independent of conceptual knowing. Let's put it this way: that if I take myself to be like 'I am the body,' then I don't have a conceptual idea of what is the name of, what is the biological name of every finger, of every organ. I may not know conceptually, you see? But in my being it, then if there's something that needs my attention in the body, then it is known in that, in the being of it. I don't need to add another quality to being. In the same way, in the knowing of it, in God's case, in this holy knowing, in this Atma knowing, can there be knowing with the distinction? In the sense, can there be a true knowing if there is separation, if it is not one being?

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

So I don't feel... I feel like in God's dictionary, He may not have two different words for being and knowing.

Yes, yes, exactly, yes.

And to know something, He knows it through our mind. So to know something objective, He knows it through our thoughts or through our...

In this holy knowing, in this Atma knowing, can there be knowing with the distinction? In the sense, can there be a true knowing if there is separation, if it is not one being? Yeah, exactly. So, I don't feel—I feel like in God's dictionary, He may not have two different words for being and knowing. Yes, exactly. And to know something, He knows it through our mind. So, to know something objective, He knows it through our thoughts or through our capacity as—but that's already a little bit... maybe we can explore.

But that would mean that the functioning of our thoughts, the functioning of this ability to think, is a separate power than God Himself. I feel that all aspects of Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva—which is the generative, preservative, and destructive, regenerating aspect of God—are all inherently a part of Him. So, I don't feel that there's any need for God, who is sitting beyond time anyway, to wait for a thought to arise in our minds for Him to know, you see? I feel like His knowing is a very different quality. Like, we can't actually fathom the all-knowing. What would the all-knowing look like? Would that all-knowing be knowing some things moment to moment, or will that all-knowing be aware of every possibility playing out in consciousness?

You see, the all-knowing would be being that—exactly what you said in the beginning. So, that would be the all-knowing is being everything. Let's just humor me for a few minutes. Let's really explore this a little deeper. So, if God is to be God, then God's timeline cannot be linear, because God actually can't have a sort of timeline where there's a past, there's a present, there's a future. And if God is all there is, then that 'all there is' cannot be restricted to only one set of movement. Like, would 'all there is' contain only Ananta's hand in this moment going from here to here, or would 'all there is' also contain the point where Ananta's hand instead went from here to here to here? Every single thing that is, that could be possibly played out—would that which is infinity in itself be restricted to just a particular movement in this seeming linear flow?

Like they say Krishna lives in the 16th dimension. I feel like, why 16th? He could be in a million dimensions also. So, already if we go beyond time in that way, then the whole construct of the movement in time becomes like one object which is in front of me, but I am the infinite one. So, all of these objects, which is one movement in time, then there can be an infinite such objects which I can just play around with—I mean, just again putting it very primitively. So, every single possibility which appears as a possibility for us because we seem to be living in this linear mode of time, then that will not be a possibility for Him. For Him, everything would have the same level of reality. So, if Ananta said this or he said that, both would be things which He would know.

I know I promised to make the Satsang very simple, so don't worry about this. But just—okay, let me put it very simply: What is the boundary that you're making around God, and what would be the basis that we would know of any boundary?

So, for sure there is infinite possibilities in God because He is everything. But to actualize one possibility, He has to localize as a finite—He has to appear as something. And from that subject-object perspective, then He can have an experience.

I feel like the difference between a possibility and an actuality only exists for us in this play. I don't feel for God there is any difference between a possibility and an actuality, because for 'all there is,' what would be that boundary line between a possibility and actuality? Because He's already, remember, all there is. So, then 'all there is' cannot be restricted by something being just a mere possibility for Him. If He is all there is, it must exist in Him somewhere as what we call an actuality. It's a beautiful contemplation for the one or two of you that may be interested in this kind of contemplation, you see? Because I don't feel like the rules that we apply within one aspect of this Leela—that apply to us in linear seeming time because of the limitation of attention that we have—can be applied to God in terms of the difference between what is a possibility and an actuality, or the everything possible in the manifest being possibly unmanifest for Him.

Okay, let me say that part again. So, when the unlimited one plays in manifestation, that manifestation—nothing stops Him from being unlimited in the manifest aspect of Himself as well. So, in that unlimitedness of God's reality, I don't feel like He needs to conserve potential and then only give rise to certain actuality. For my seeing of what unlimited manifestation would be, every single possibility is actually an actuality for God to play around with, but exists already in the same time.

Yes, but remember that He's beyond all of these dimensions, much more than... but in a way, that's also what I'm saying in terms of that it exists in possibility. In a sense, the possibility in God is actually the actual awareness itself. So, it's the actual God itself in that way it exists, but it's not yet manifest into movement, like seeing this hand, for example. A moment ago, it was not yet manifested, so it existed, but it existed as awareness, not as a... and if I even look now, what is true about this subject looking at the hand? If I now—maybe it's a bit of emotions are here, but in a more... it's just awareness. So, in a way, any certainty can only be said about awareness itself, not about anything manifest. So, in that way, things exist in possibility. It's a bit of a... it's not quite accurate.

That's actually—it's okay. Yeah, it can be said. It's right. It's all good. Sorry to get a bit excited about this. Very good. We can go deeper and deeper into this conversation as we go along. Just see if the boundaries that we may be using for that which is manifest—which is that manifest Saguna Brahman, the manifest aspect of God itself—whether we are creating a conceptual boundary around it because it is too much to handle otherwise without the boundary that we may have to make about it. Like, that it has to be a certain way before it can show up. Maybe. And that's why I'm saying that in our limited experience of this three-dimensional or four-dimensional reality, we may have to say like that. But see, what is the basis for us concluding that the same thing has to apply to God as well? His Saguna, His manifest aspect, His manifestation of Himself—what would be a restriction which we can place around it? And would that be something which is just so that we can bring an element of understanding to what is happening, or is it truly possible for us to place that boundary around God's manifestation?

Yes. Well, I don't feel what I said puts a boundary, but maybe it does. Maybe I don't see it yet. When it comes to something objective, the less accurate one can be, or the less certain. In my experience, what I know for certain is the awareness that is always prevailing no matter what. So, that you've looked deeply into anything that is found, that pure awareness is found. So, more than that, I don't know. This is also a way of putting words to...

You're actually lucky, because I don't know if I can even say that I know this for certain. I don't know. I actually don't know. It feels true. It feels true, but it feels true intuitively, not as a feeling. But I have become too old to claim certainty over anything. So, what to do?

I can sense there's—like, I opened it up with this, you know, the sense of knowing is here, but it's not always here, and this also dissolves back into awareness. So, from there, maybe I know this character is arrogant, so rather just be honest about it than trying to hide it. Because anyway, I think you can see right through any attempt to hide arrogance.

Not at all. But yeah, this claiming of this knowing of awareness—it's not actually like... when spoken, it sounds arrogant. But yeah, as a seeing, it is much more beautiful than how I'm speaking it. You just have to be relaxed about this fact. I'm not judging your arrogance or any of that. I'm just trying to see if there's any way in which this foolish one can be helpful to any of your children, your brothers and sisters. There's no—who am I to judge anyone's arrogance? Myself, I'm working, trying to work to get rid of mine. So, there doesn't have to at all be any self-censorship.

Thank you. Thank you. It's going to take a while to relax because, yeah, maybe it's been a lot of that trying to be someone not arrogant for a long time. And basically, why I'm engaging also, there's also some love there to look at these things and put what I'm seeing and then see the correction that's happening and all of this. So, it's out of love ultimately, I feel.

I have zero doubt about that. Yes. Okay, don't hurry. Thank you. Love you.

Yes. I also feel to come up and offer up any arrogance that is creeping in from time to time. I guess the main—it's this: 'I want more' or 'I want different' or 'I don't have enough.' The idea that what I have is not enough. And related to the spiritual seeker, I guess, wanting to transcend quicker and wanting more. And there is also a question maybe that came up before this today, which is in connection to—I think Ramana Maharshi said that Guru is God. And maybe this inability to transcend the physicality of it... I didn't get the last part. Guru is God and the inability, I guess, to go beyond form.

The physical form, yes. And this is where, I guess, yes, Guru and God is the same. Many sages have said that. And He also said, 'I have no Guru and no disciples.' So then what are we going to do? Beautiful story, you know, that one time Major Chadwick—was it? Yeah, Major Chadwick got really upset with him that he has left all of his life and everything and he's living with Bhagavan, and Bhagavan keeps saying that 'I have no Guru and I have no disciples.' So he had a major tantrum saying, 'Then what are we doing here? What are we here for? Is he our Guru or not?' Then Bhagavan turned to another disciple and said to him in Tamil—he probably said to translate for him—'Ask him if he wants a written contract.'

So, what is he saying? Was he just making it up that 'I have no Guru or no disciple'? Was it true that he is and was the Guru of Chadwick and all of us? Of course. So then, what is the reality beyond what our intellect can fathom? Because it is not possible that such a great sage is lying to us, but it's also true that the truth cannot be encompassed in linear statements. So, coming back to the first part which you mentioned, that God and Guru is the same: It is true that the true Guru is the Atma, is the Satguru presence within, is the Holy Spirit, you see? Anytime an outer teacher is truly embodying only that—you see, only that holy presence from within, and I have not come to that point of ever being able to do that, that transparency has to become more and more and more—then that who is the true instrument of the Atma itself, that can be revered in that way, in a godly way. But remembering that it is the God presence which is animating the form that we are seeing in front of us, not the form itself. So yes, the true Guru, which is the Satguru presence, is God Himself. God's presence is the true Master. That is very, very clear. And in those moments where a worldly embodiment operates in an unfiltered fashion, keeping all personal pride and wanting to be right and...

More then that, who is the true instrument of the Atma itself that can be revered in that way, in a Godly way? But remembering that it is the God presence which is animating the form that we are seeing in front of us, not the form itself. So yes, the true Guru, which is the Satguru presence, is God himself. God's presence is the true master; that is very, very clear. And in those moments where a worldly embodiment operates in an unfiltered fashion—keeping all personal pride and wanting to be right and knowledge aside, just speaks as a true holy instrument of God himself—then in that moment all distinction between Guru and God, it vanishes. But for this foolish man, I've never got rid of myself that much so that anybody should ever consider this one anywhere close to God. Just look at this one as somebody who is making almost full-hearted attempts to be that way and feeling most of the time.

Thank you, Father. I don't know why there is lots of crying, maybe because of separation coming. So I'm seeking for your blessing and to overcome whatever has to be overcome. To overcome whatever is to be overcome, whatever is possible, like in this last time. And thank you for this humility and humbleness that you show.

I don't know that's humility. I just... so don't please also make this impression that I'm just being humble or something. It's not like that.

When you said really that you don't know if it was in the context of pure awareness that, I guess, is in everything, then though I don't know if I can say that my experience... I don't remember exactly, but it was very powerful. And I'll just say something simple, which is that certainty for me seems like a very big word now. When I was younger, I used to be much more certain, but certainty is not something which is a strong point here now.

Yeah, and thank you for all your support in every moment. Welcome. So, there's one comic book. In that comic book, actually nothing is moving in time, but it gives the illusion of time because the frames are drawn as if forward movement is happening. You see? Now, when we go through that comic book with our attention, it seems like we navigated that timeline, that much time passed. So, if we read a comic book of Superman from when he was born till, I don't know, he died because of some Kryptonite or something like that, then we were in the fifteen minutes of reading that comic book, but it can seem like we went through his entire lifetime. And the same thing happens to us in dreams. I've shared about this dream that my children were going to school; they said bye to me at 7:30 in the morning, and then I went back to sleep. I slept for half an hour. In that half an hour, I navigated a dream in which almost an entire lifetime passed in regular time. And God's sense of humor is like this: that in that dream, I was getting late by exactly half an hour, you see? So I felt that half an hour really strongly, but the rest of the life also was not in fast movement or anything like that. Then I woke out of that dream; it was 8:00 in the morning, but I had lived many, many, many years in that seeming half an hour. So in that comic book that I visited, all this, because the frames went in that way, all this time had passed. Now, is there any reason that all there is—like God is all there is—would have only one comic book which is available to him, and not like a zillion comic books which you could potentially make? If God is all-powerful and all there is, those zillion comic books would already be there, or an infinite number of comic books would already be there. That is the limited point I was making very badly. So maybe this metaphor could be helpful in seeing that. Okay, now that everybody's gone to sleep, we can read the Ramacharitmanas.

Yes, yes, yes. I just feel... I don't know exactly what I will be saying, but I felt an impression that something is wanting to be said. I don't know how it will come. So it's just about the fact that we are all trying to find our right place in this game, in this... yeah, in this game, I want to say. And because I really feel this like this, I have this feeling when I listened to you today and to us, how we say there's God and there's me, and where am I and where is God, and where am I in relation to God? And so I just wanted to look at it this way. So God's play is immense and limitless, and in that game, we try to figure out where we stand and how to talk about it and how to make some sense out of it. And so when I listen to you and the contemplation, I just see intuitively. So for me, either we take us seriously and then we are lost, and we are directly lost more or less. We can be more or less experienced, more organized in our mind and make sense out of things, but in any way, we are swimming somehow really deeply. And if we don't take us too important or too seriously, then that means when we are here for God and not for us, then God's love is flowing through us. And with this love, or we can call it also intuition—it is for me it is the same actually—it is actually not isolation anymore. And then not because the intellect in itself, with which we use to talk to each other, is in itself not sufficient and it will never be sufficient. So I'm really contemplating how much also either my attempt or Sergeant's attempt or your attempt is always out of love to make sense out of the whole, but it will never be sufficient. But nevertheless, it touches always that love is flowing in this attempt. So for me, that's what I feel today very much. Thank you so much.

Exactly. Thank you so much.

And for me, this is nourishing. This is nourishing because we are swimming in God, you know? But when we swim, we just push some water aside or below, and but nevertheless you swim, you know? A few images. Thank you, thank you so much.

Very good. Thank you so much. Just quickly, I will listen to what you're sharing again like when the recording comes because I want to take in all that you said. But just I wanted to say that what you said about everything existing in God as an actuality, I feel I resonate with that. If objects are considered, then everything exists at once and in the same time, in no dimension out of time; they all are already existing in God. But to see an object, to consider an object, you have to do it from an objective point of view. So that was my own... yeah, like to start to see a multiplicity of objects, the pure unlocalized formless dimensionless awareness has to localize as a subject. And then if we consider subjects, multiple subjects, then they all exist at the same time. So there's no limit in that. But I don't know, I wanted just to make this... thank you, thank you.

Let's go to Ram Ji. He can unmute anytime. We can do something.

Hello, Father.

Hello. Namaste, Father. Namaste, Namaste.

I just... thank you for your attention and I just... I don't know why what I'm going to say, but I'm just taking this chance to speak. It's been three months my dad passed away, and it's been a very profound insight and experience into many things. And especially because he was not sick, and the way things happened in the last three months gave somehow, you know how to say that, an insight into how much we are not in control completely, that kind of a sense. My mother came to see my dad in Ludhiana where he used to live, and first she had a big accident; the whole auto turned on her. Oh, I see. Yeah, and she broke her femur bone and she's lying in the bed. And then my dad fell off the bed, and then he did not take it seriously and he just goes to the hospital and he says, 'I'm just going to show my wrist,' and then he never came back. So all this, and the grief... we are still going through the grief period still. And then giving my dad the bath according to the Indian Hindu culture, you take the body, and that has been a very... I'm still grieving somewhere very deeply. And just the insight into... you can see the mind wanting to know why this happened and why and why, but somehow you're forced to... somehow the mind cannot understand this at all. So that gives me an insight into something so deeper, that there is that power which we don't understand. I just took this... I don't have any really thing to say like in particular, but yeah. And it happened so sudden because normally you get prepared when someone is sick, then you know they're going to pass away, and it happened just from one day to the next and there was no time for anything. And just tears and tears. And then of course there are insights when you grieve for a family member; of course the grief is on very different levels. It's the form which has been lost, and then it reminds us of our form, that this body will go. Do you have anything to say? Just come here.

My full prayers, full blessings, and thank you. Hope Mama is feeling better now and recovering from her accident. Something is coming to say; I hope you don't misunderstand what I'm saying, it's meant to be helpful. After my father's passing, sometimes I feel like we are closer now. I just feel that we are closer now, without the conditioning of father-son, without the... you know, the things that many times happen in relationships where communication can seem so broken and difficult, and you can see both sides struggling to communicate their love to each other. I feel like after he left the body, somehow in a strange way those conditions, those constrictions are not playing that strongly. There's more closeness. At times I feel... I don't always remember him, I have to say, but in the times that I do, I feel like there's a sweeter love and a sweeter sense of belongingness and being together now. So I don't know what that says about the human condition, but in this way, may you also feel that he's closer with you and more present with you. May you never feel like he's not there for you now. Yeah, my full love, full blessings to you.

I just have this... when you were speaking this, my heart was feeling so joyous to hear this from your mouth because in my heart you are the man of heart for me, and I come to this, to your feet or to your presence, to get reminded of my own heart. And when you said this, I feel such sweetness because now he's free from that form and his love is always here. And that one presence, I feel him, that he never has to leave me again. He's always here and that sweetness is here. But still it's like... I think somewhere Mooji Baba has said, 'We perceive the world not as the world is, but as I am.' Somewhere he said that. So at any given moment where we are, if we are in this presence, then we feel the presence; the other also becomes that sweet presence. Yes. And when I'm attached to my form and then there's a story to the grieving—and not to judge that, but it's still there—I'm not, you know, I'm not Mr. Awakened, I'm just the human side. Yeah, we don't see the world as it is, we only see the world as I am. But still it's such a profound... just to, you know, in the Indian culture, to such a... my God, I could not have ever imagined to wash my dad's body, and that experience is such a... it was somewhere terrifying, still so much grief and losing a form, my dad's form. I can imagine. Thank you for your attention, giving me a chance to share this.

Thank you for sharing. Thank you. In your presence, should we read the Ramacharitmanas for half an hour?

Sorry, can I stand? I don't know, I feel what you were sharing from the beginning is exactly, exactly for me. But some... because it's... yeah, I don't know, I just feel somehow I just need so much your help. Like, yeah, the days have been somehow... even in my complexion, I am like... my being is...

I feel so much grief in losing a form, my dad's form. I can imagine. Thank you for your attention, giving me a chance to share this. Thank you for sharing. Thank you. In your presence, should we read the Ramacharitmanas for half an hour? Sorry, can I stand? Yes. I don't know, I feel what you were sharing from the beginning is exactly, exactly for me. Because, yeah, I don't know, I just feel somehow I just need so much your help. Like, yeah, the days have been somehow, even in my complexion, I am like—my being is so, so dry. I don't know, I don't know why. I'm sorry to come up with this, but yeah, like, I love you, I love all the satsang so much, but somehow I don't know what happened. Like, most of the days I am just trying to detach from my mind but not being able to.

And okay, what is the method you're using to try and detach?

I try, most of the time, what Guruji says: watching. And now what you shared, like, yeah, letting, offering, offering it to you, or just inquiring. And what happens is the mind is too strong. It's too—like, normally it's, yeah, it's like sometimes from the morning I wake up till the end, it's like it's running. And yeah, not feeling able to stop it. And the worst thing—I don't know if this is true—but when I try to, as it's like wholeheartedly try to follow God's will, even when I'm empty, it's like either no movement is coming or it feels like so many, even when I start, some objection starts. Objection starts. Like even your guidance, like 'don't rush,' it comes like 'don't, don't rush.' So it's getting to a point like quite, yeah, quite a desperateness a little bit.

Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. I think one of the most helpful things probably that I've ever heard is these monks who are talking about St. John of the Cross. Because all of us, and especially me, can have days in which we are going without—it seems like we forget God. So sometimes it's easy to get disheartened about this, but what St. John said was very, very elevating, very helpful. He said that the mind is very distracted in the practice. Your mind is very distracted, but in the mind being distracted, maybe in that half an hour you tried 100 times to come back to God and you failed. The mind was distracted again. Then you want to return back to God's presence and the mind says, 'Oh, what about this? What about this?' You know, something, something, and that seems interesting and true. So we leave His presence, but then we return.

So he said that every time we make the intention to return to God, it is a beautiful act of love. Even if you fail it, the feeling of succeeding is not up to us. To make that act of love is what is important, you see? So as long as, in spite of all of this, you showed up in satsang, that is an act of love, you see? In spite of all the struggle, you try to return to God's presence; that is an act of love. So I'm very optimistic mostly. So I said, okay, now in one act of love, sometimes I can stay in God's presence for the full one hour, two hours, whatever time of prayer is. Now, is that better than struggling and making a hundred acts of love? Who can say which one is better? I cannot say.

So isn't that so reassuring? That in one prayer time, I just remembered His name and His presence is so clear, it becomes a quiet prayer, it becomes a samadhi—all of those beautiful states can come—but actually I just turned towards Him once. But when my mind is distracted and seems powerful and offering some tempting ideas, I have to turn towards Him 100 times. So isn't that beautiful as well? So then either way it is beautiful. We remain with God and in love. If you were not wanting to turn toward God, this would not be a struggle, because you would be fully in the mind and unconcerned about God. So at least you are struggling for God, which is an act of love towards God.

Don't get disheartened. All this is natural and great sages have said that they go through these things. Not that I'm saying any of us are great sages, especially this one, but I think that it could happen to all of them. It is natural for us to long to come back to Him. It's all right. My sound is breaking up? It's a little bit possible to hear, but a little bit, yeah, it's breaking. So when I got a sense of what he's saying, it really helped because it can come here also sometimes that, 'Oh, now I'm spending so much time and the mind is so distracted and I'm feeling so disconnected.' Not to despair. What is our intention? As long as our intention is towards God, it's all right. I just keep turning as however I can. That's it. That's it. However, however. It doesn't mean that we don't use the methods which our teachers have given us, but intention to be with Him is the most important.

In the sense that I cannot come to His presence like, only like sometimes I feel to emptiness, but yeah...

Now, can that ever be up to us? That can never be up to us. His presence is always a gift of grace, His gift to us. So it is only what seems under our control—because we are in the human condition and caught up in doership—it seems under our control to have the intention to be with Him and use the methods which our teachers have given us. So that's all we can do. And as long as we are doing that, God knows our intention and what we are doing. So we have to trust Him with the outcome. We can never come into despair about the fact of not coming into His presence, because we may turn towards Him a million times but His presence may not be apparent, or we may turn towards Him once and His presence may be fully apparent. That is His gift, His grace. And no matter what we do, we can never be entitled to His grace.

But I'm learning to be happy as long as I keep my eyes on Him. Whether He shows up or not, my intention, my turning, is towards my heart. The rest is really not my business. Thank you. So maybe on the topic of certainty, I can see that one thing I'm certain about is that He is here. And whether He is apparent, whether He's palpable, whether He is fully disconnected, whether He seems so connected, there is no doubt about the fact that He is here. So as long as I can turn towards Him, then it doesn't matter what outcomes play out. Who knows best? Is this working? Can you all hear me? Who knows best what is the experience that we should have? And when it comes to Him, we can never say that, 'Oh, I did this, I entered the passcode on my phone, it should unlock.' There's no such passcode for God. We can try, we can follow what you learned from the teachers, but there's no guarantee.

But faith is to trust that if He's not revealing Himself to me in this way today, then I have to trust that He loves me and this is what I need today. So the whole, like you said, the whole talk about patience, courage, faith, humility—all of that comes in.

Can we pray for this also?

Of course we can pray. Yeah, that would be the only thing. Anything that you can be troubled about, it's better that instead you pray about it. Thank you. No, it's not even this that I can say I'm certain, because even here, to turn to God is always an act of faith. Always an act of faith.