In Our Heart, Everything Is Auspicious – 17th September 2021

So in the pure perception of the fear, you notice that you are the space of beingness in which all this fear, whatever can come, can come only within the space of this beingness. And therefore, this beingness is the greater. And we can say that in the light of this beingness, in the light of this consciousness, on its own screen, all that the world has to throw at us can appear. So what can the light of the projector—which scene of the movie can the light of the projector be hurt by?

No, no, no, no. I could not hear you in last words.

Which scene of the movie can the light of the projector be hurt by?

No.

Even if in the scene the character is full of fear, they're playing completely as if they're scared and they're faced with a completely fearful situation, the light cannot be hurt, isn't it?

No.

What about the screen itself?

No, it cannot be stained by the fear.

So are the light and the screen in the fear of fear?

No.

So it is just another aspect of the character's play, you see. It says, 'I don't want this fear to come.' What does the fear mean? And then we make it part of our narrative and say, 'Okay, last time also it happened like that, then future also,' you see. But what happened is your light. Now the funny thing is that when we are faced with an expression like a tiger suddenly, then we run out of moves, you see. But when we are with a much more magnificent being, which is your very being, you see, we still want to include strategies and tactics and past and future. So why are we willing to give it up to the tiger but not with God, you see? So if the most powerful being was always by your side, what do you have to worry about?

Nothing. Nothing I should be worried about.

It is even more intimate than that. It is not even by your side; it is your very presence. It is your very being. If you are tasting that and if you are getting introduced to that, then what should not appear in our life? What should we run from?

Nothing we should be running from.

So if you stay with what I'm showing you, then don't worry about these sideshows, you see, because you are being introduced to the most powerful being in the entire universe and even beyond that, which is aware even of this being. That is your discovery, which is so pristine that if the entire world was to start exploding or dissolving, then it could not hurt your reality. So you will not worry then about all these popcorn and peanuts. But I can relate to you completely. As long as we take ourselves to be this limited bundle of flesh and blood, this limited concoction of thoughts and emotions and pain and pleasure, then it will seem like these are valid things to go towards or run from.

But as you're seeing more and more in your deep insight, in your heart insight, that you are this beingness and you are the Self which is beyond even this beingness, then from that perspective, you see. So the thing is that it's not just lip service. It's not spirituality which is meant to help me. It is not a spirituality which is meant to help me, 'Okay, now thrice a day I'll remember that I'm pure awareness, then you know the life of Saloni will be much better, she will not worry about these small things.' It's not to help Saloni; it is to recognize what you truly are. And then what happens in the life of Saloni is the problem of the being that we are discovering ourselves to be, you see. It has always been so. So this switchover of perspective is primarily important.

Otherwise, what will happen is that we keep including our spirituality also in our narrative, you see, that 'I came to satsang today and then I felt so nice, but then three days later then I saw this scary movie and then some fear came about some entity or something like that.' You see, whatever the content of the fear is, that is not important, you see. So the idea of coming to satsang is to come to the company of the truth literally, and that truth is truth with a capital T, you see. It is not a truth which can serve the smallest self, what we take ourselves to be. It is the truth of the capital S Self.

So from that perspective now, as you yourself said, everything can come and everything can go. Nothing really is so strong, you see. So instead of trying to avoid situations and things in life, we must just have this in our heart, have this feeling or if you want to call it an intention in our heart, that 'Please Lord, reveal my true nature. What is my reality?' Not how to get more pleasure, avoid more pain, run from fear, get more love, although all of these things are when we put the mask of our limited identity on us. Now in satsang, do you feel like you're coming to the discovery, like you said that you've been inquiring? So you must be coming to some insight about your true nature, isn't it?

Yes.

So as that is happening, then sometimes it appears as if the mind will also up its game. You feel like Guruji has a video on this and he says the mind will call all his cousins also and say, 'You also come, come, this one is escaping,' you see. So it plays like that. He wrote it too much, but the mind will play. Sometimes the Leela will also seem to get amplified along with. So don't worry about any of that. You stay through your heart to your truest longing, your highest intention, and then all this will take care of itself. So you are finding through the grace of the Satguru the greatest gift available in the human condition. It is available in the universal condition actually, and don't exchange that for anything else. Whether that seems like it is attractive or it is repulsive, you don't let it come and go. Just say, 'This too shall pass.' Don't get attached and don't have an hour with anything that is coming.

It's one more thing I want to add is that it is so compelling to do some things and it feels like I have to do that and I know that it is not helping me in any way. It is not helping me in any way and it completely seems that it is so useless to do that, but something is forcing to do that, just as I mentioned in this thing.

So what do you do? Yes, what do you mean by do? I know it's a very upsetting question, but what is do?

I don't know. I'm not talking about inquiry here, but do something that would hurt me or that would make me more fearful or that would bring something uncomfortable in me.

Yes, so to do, do include the concept of someone doing, isn't it? Otherwise you would just call it a happening, like there's a happening happening. Actually, even happening is not happening, but in the interim, what is the difference between doing and happening? In doing, we presume that there is a doer, correct? And happenings are just happening. Now who could the doer be if there was such a one?

Yes, you want to imagine that there's a cat sitting next to you, then what can the cat do? Ask the cat to get your glass of milk. In the same way, the person is also just an imagined set of notions, and an imagined set of emotions cannot actually do. So who must be the doer then?

I don't know. In my inquiries I found out that there was nothing, there was no one doing anything. There was no one doing anything. It was just—there was just a stillness that is just is, that is perceiving or that is here. I found out this thing.

But so when no one is doing nothing, what are you doing?

I am so identified with mind.

So there's no one doing anything, then how are you identifying? I don't know. Don't try to solve it here, my dear. That is one tip I have for you because what I'm pointing to you cannot resolve in your head. You just have to meet me in the heart and it'll be clear what I'm saying. But just provisionally I will give you some pointer so that it will be clear. That which is has to be the one that does, isn't it? It cannot be that that which isn't happens to somehow do. So find out that which is and you will find that it is your very being. And that being is a one being. Whether you call it God or consciousness, one being. The one being is the one doer and is also the one experiencer.

So that beingness playing in the presumption or the mask of separation will go through suffering. Empty of the mask of separation, there is no such thing as something. In satsang, which is removing the mask, and the mask contains the 3Ds—I call it the 3D ego: the idea of separation which is duality, the idea of desire which is 'I want something,' and the idea of doership which is 'What can I do to get what I want?' So find out who is the true doer, who is really existent, and see if that is an individual called Saloni or whether it has any name or form. What is your reality before we can say 'I did'? Unless what should I do? What are we talking about, you see? Who could be the doer? Who could be the experiencer? Investigate that further, then all these questions will go away.

So I'm giving you the tools to transcend these questions. Otherwise we get stuck in the conundrums of what to do and what not to do. Can I share also? Which I paid just now at the beginning of satsang, I posted a link also so you can hear that as well. But one has pointed to a very similar thing in that, talking about action and inaction and whether that is really relevant in the realm of true meaning. Just what you said about beingness. And can I—someone is calling me just because they would interrupt in between. Can I answer them?

Yes, yes, my dear. Thoughts? Okay. Yes, thank you so much. Thank you so much. We start to realize that the frameworks that we have about are not—they have nothing to do with life. Ideas that we superimpose onto the pure perception of what is manifest and obligation to dance to the...

In action and whether that is really relevant in the realm of true meaning, uh, just what you said about beingness. And can I—someone is calling me just because they would interrupt in between—can I answer them? Yes, thank you so much. Thank you so much.

We start to realize that the frameworks that we have are not—they have nothing to do with life. Ideas that we superimpose onto the pure perception of what is manifest and an obligation to dance to those frameworks and perceptions. Even our ideas of good or bad, right or wrong. Life dances to its own tune, like the dancing Shiva, Nataraj. You cannot tell them, 'Okay, this is good, this is bad.' But if you take yourself to be separate, if you take yourself to be an individual that is an agent or a doer, if you take yourself to be something which wants and desires, then that is what suffering looks like. You can't even say that you will suffer because of that; in fact, that itself is what suffering looks like. A constricted state, the mask of the unlimited operating within the presumption of its limitation, is suffering.

So life actually is very, very simple. God is operating—for it is—but if you want to break it into an understanding, God is operating in two modes. One is operating in the presumption of limited personhood, and one is operating without the presumption of limited personhood. There's nothing else to solve, resolve, sort out. And even this actually is under the primary principle that God is with the mask. God plays with the game of suffering, and when it's done with the game of suffering, then God plays with the game of openness and emptiness. You solve the mask, resolve, tell me where you are and where I am. Yes, tell me where you are and where I am.

Maybe we are the same in essence, but when that intellectual pointing or understanding just becomes as obvious, you see, as this is most obvious, then all these side shows will not attack you. They will not hurt you. One thing I would add is that I resonate so much with self-inquiry. Like what I said in the last video, maybe if I talk to you again, maybe I would repeat the same thing: that I resonate so much with self-inquiry and that I love being with inquiring that everything is visible and nothing can exist without being seen. Nothing can exist without or apart from this seeing.

So very beautiful also in some sense, because your words sound as if it is a snake which is eating its own tail and then it will completely vanish. Because if you resonate with self-inquiry, then inquire into the one who resonates with self-inquiry. And you will find that this self-inquiry is because that is self-inquiry: to explore or to investigate the nature of who I am. So if you say, 'I resonate with the self-inquiry,' then it's very beautiful because that gives you a very good starting point, because you can ask: who is the 'I' that is resonating with the self-inquiry?

Thank you so much. Hello. Are you in Spain? I'm in Spain, yes. Just coming back from five days vacations along the coast, so very refreshing. All the days thinking, I was driving and you were at my side all the time, some kind of speaking, so it was very nice. I just wanted to report—almost it's the same that you are talking now about—but something triggered a very old and deep pain inside me. I just felt that soon my heart is broken in half physically, and a lot of pain was there. But it was beautiful because at the same time I was watching from this wider space, yes. And it was a lot of compassion. It was related to being abandoned and not getting the love that I was near. Yeah. And from there, it's not any resentment, just openness. And I was watching myself and saying to me, 'How you can feel lack of love if you are the source of love?' Kind of all this love. So it's some kind of misunderstanding there, no? It was so, so released to watching from there, that place.

So it is just—I was saying to another child in the Satsang today—that whatever the mind says it wants, see, whatever the mind says it wants, actually the heart wants to give. So just notice that in our life, anytime the mind says, 'I want more of this, I deserve more love,' life wants me to be more loving or caring or more standing up to the truth or fair or whatever it says. Actually, it is your heart's voice saying that you share that.

Yeah, yes. Yes, I saw clearly.

So then the mind is checkmated that way, you see? The mind is checkmated that way. Whatever we know that you deserve more of that, it's so unfair that you don't have it, you see? Then it is your job actually to give more of that. In a personal way, of course, in as universal a way as possible, you see? Not discriminating about who you're giving that love to, but a more universal, a more godly love which your heart is yearning to share with this universal manifestation. But your mind converts that and says, 'No, no, I want all of that' or 'I should...'

In fact, I knew this from a lot of years, you know? But I don't know what this mysterious thing—that something happened. I don't know what is your...

It's time. It's time. You spoke already, yes. So beautiful. Those times are also very beautiful. And I hope all is well with you and your family, and I hope you get to visit India soon as well.

I hope. Thank you to be here every week. I appreciate very much. You follow our hands always. Your English is very good now.

Thank you.

I even I'm not practicing so much because I don't travel, so just hearing Satsang. Love you so much. You haven't done it for a bit. Thank you. Thank you. Um, thank you for picking me. Um, I haven't been around in a long time because I have a dance class that's exactly at the same time as the Satsang, and I've been inquiring about when you would be starting Monday Satsangs because Fridays I have this class. But today I cancelled because I desperately need to be here. It became a bit too much. It was... this is always happening, Father. This is my life; it's happening all the time. All day when I'm not dancing, it's just that the class happens to be at the same time as your Satsang. Yeah.

So much is happening. That which cannot be spoken about is very much here all the time. I can't say in this form because it's not in this form; this form is inside of it. But it's always here. But the burning I have been going through these past six months, the form—the burning that the form has been going through—it's unbearable. It feels like torture. Like I feel like my head is crushing and it's on fire and it's physically very, very painful. And the whole thing is seen and I'm not identified with it, but it's still very painful. Like it's physically so painful and emotionally so painful. It's like it feels like a thorough purging because nothing is happening, there's nothing going wrong, but every devil from hell, demon, is torturing me.

I have anxieties about things that don't even exist, that are irrelevant. Not 'I'—everything. And my mind projects the most ridiculous situations. It never used to be like this, and I know for sure it's because of what Guruji and you speak about, that it's because it's on its way out that it's raging hell. But it's so painful. It's so painful. And last night—not just last night, almost every night, most nights—sitting in the form feels like dying. It wants—it's so painful it wants to die. But this presence is also here at the same time. I can't explain it, Father. It's just it's a raging fire. I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy. It's so torturous. And if truth had not happened and if this presence was not here and the formlessness was not here, my non-existence—if it wasn't so apparent, I would be in a lunatic asylum. That's how crazy my mind has become.

Thank you. Thank you for sharing that, and I appreciate the courage it takes to come out and expose that. It is, like you said, it's very natural. Sometimes when these things are leaving us, it can seem so strong and so difficult. Now, one thing I want to just converse with you a little bit about it—and again, it's not a diagnosis or something, we're just having a look. So it's clear that you are this formless one which we can't really put words to. And also, the way the mind plays, then it can feel like it's pushing all the possible buttons and everything that it can possibly throw at you is being thrown. Now, is there a poor thing in the middle which is trying to juggle both of these?

It tends to, but even that one is exhausted. Even that one has given up. It's so exhausted. It's so exhausted with the fight and with getting rid of itself and with the whole thing. It's so exhausted with the conflict that it has stopped. It stopped trying. And the presence and the peace is more there, but the fire is also raging.

Right. So whose representation is this one? The one that is entirely the one who's on fire? Because the peace has nothing to say. It is totally at peace. It is not concerned about the fire or no fire or anything; it is just perfectly fine. So now, just as consciousness speaking with consciousness for a moment, I'm just asking myself: why pick the one that is on fire and not the one that is at peace?

Because of the years and years of identification with this entity. It's like a battle to leave it. Like I've left it in every way—in my heart, my soul, my everything—because it was such a torture from the start. And so I... all I would say is it's probably the years of being identified with it is just natural to see the raging fire even though the peace is also there. The attention goes to it. It's like flipping the attention. So when I'm in the states where the fire is just, the attention is just flipping between formlessness and this person who's just self-combusting.

Okay, let's go really slowly. Let's go really slowly now. So the one that is exhausted is the creation of this one which believes that it's natural, because of the years of conditioning, to go into that position, right? And also simultaneously recognizing that there is an aspect of myself, or the only reality of myself actually, that remains untouched by all of that. Now, does it feel like effort to drop the false one?

Yes, when the fire is raging, it really does. It seems like a fight. I sometimes get into bed and turn all the lights off and I'm hiding under the sheets because it's really painful. It gets painful. Like when I'm trying to identify with the formless one in those instances, it gets very painful. I'll be lying if I told you it was effortless. It's not; it's painful.

Absolutely, yeah. But one tip I have for you—and your mind may not agree with this and it may even react to what I'm saying—those moments, no matter how deeply identified we may feel we become, those moments where there is no space and the identification is so strong that there is just no space to fall back into a resting place, you see, those moments are just very few and far between. In the majority of the moments, you see, it is actually very natural and very easy to come back into this. But what happens is that the mind presents a problem to us, which is that you need to resolve those moments, you see? So the rest of the moments then go in trying to problem-solve. What about that? Instead of meeting your enormity and vastness completely. Like, for example, leaving the past, leaving that situation to where as it was and just being here now.

I understand what you're saying. Yes, I understand what you're saying.

That is the one-two punch of the mind. The one is just the setup, but the two is now. The one is the one where you're deeply identified, there's no space to inquire, there's no space to let go, none of that. So it's impossible to even inquire now, like it's that deep.

Out that instead of meeting your enormity and vastness completely—like, for example, leaving the past, leaving that situation to where as it was and just being here now—I understand what you're saying. Yes, I understand what you're saying. That is the one-two punch of the mind. The one is just the setup, but the two is now. The one is the one where you're deeply identified; there's no space to inquire, there's no space to let go, none of that. So it's impossible to even inquire now. Like, even that's too much and I can't even speak anymore. It's just the silence. Like, the one who's inquiring also is—it's just it. The whole thing is just seen by this formless one. So that one has stopped inquiring because the formless one is very much here. So it's just that this other thing is there too.

Yes. Okay, so let's do one thing. Let's start completely fresh. I start completely innocent; you start completely innocent. You don't know about the one on fire and you don't know about the formless one. Forget about both of them. Just forget about both of them. What is here now?

Just a vastness.

How vast is it?

It's everywhere.

Don't look at it—look, don't look at anything from the lens of what you have understood. Just look at everything completely fresh, completely pure, as if you're an infant who has just come into this world. Neither does she know about the ego nor does she know about spirituality. It's just a pure, pure innocent perceiving; a content-free, commentary-free perceiving.

Now it's the same.

So this pristine meeting, you see, is the best gift that you can give to yourself. And if there's a solution to the one that is on fire, this is the only solution. To think about the one that is on fire and to try and put a solution into the narrative for that one actually gives more fuel to the fire.

Yes, yes, because I'm making it more alive and then I start feeling the fire again. You're entirely right. Yeah, and like I'm saying, the moments of complete fire which we have to suffer through, there's no option. So just accept. How long? Like, I don't know how long I can do this for.

How many moments did you suffer through last week?

Oh gosh, it's every day now. We're not thinking about how to resolve it for that one, but the actual one which is fully on fire—it's all the time. I just feel I'm on fire and then this perceiving is there. I can't express it. I keep telling my husband I'm going mad.

Then we have to look again as to what paradigm is being created. So you're not in that situation right now, isn't it?

No. If I don't think about it, I'm not.

That's it. Yes. So just allow it to be the state where you're completely engulfed in it or you're completely out of it. It is the middle state of the one who's trying to juggle and seize the oscillation and says, 'What am I meant to do? When will this resolve?' That can create all of this trouble. Like, forget about the one who's trying to figure out when is it going to end and how soon, how long more, and just drop that whole thing. Forget the one in the narrative, okay? The one with the narrative and in the narrative.

Okay. So either be the pure presence or, if I happen to be on fire, just be on fire and accept it. Full acceptance. And then when the fire is over, full acceptance of the presence again and forget about the fire. Absolutely. Okay, okay. Yes, I guess, I guess, yeah. What's happening is I'm thinking about the fire on hindsight and thinking how long more, you know, how do I tackle it better the next time it comes, because I know it's just waiting.

Next time when you're fully on fire, see if you're fully on fire, there's something observing that too. I mean, the whole thing is observed. Just don't make any mental categories as you're going through your scene. As you're looking, just look. Just notice with pure perception. Don't make any diagnosis, no report card, nothing. Full acceptance of whatever is being perceived now. I promise you that in this pure perception, there is no distinction between being on fire or being free.

Being on fire, being fully open... yes, I know what you mean because when yesterday, like when I was fully on fire, I was just saying, 'I fully accept.' And when I said, 'I fully accept being on fire, I fully accept this,' immediately there was an immense peace within that. But I have to constantly—this is a good, thank you for bringing that up.

So you're not to do that in the sense that you're neither the fire nor peace. Whatever you're experiencing, you're just experiencing. That's true. Even the peace is...

Yes, okay. Understood. Yes.

What is needed is completely naked of any labeling as much as possible. As much as possible will come; just drop it when you notice it. You've noticed and that is enough. Don't fall into any guilt that 'Father told me not to make any labels, see I'm labeling again.' That is more labeling. Yes, yes, yes, yes. This fresh, fresh pure perception. Nothing means anything; nothing is meaningless either, you see. Don't get into any mental categorization and no post-mortem analysis. Definitely no post-mortem. Time is a big joke; you don't get into any of that. So why look for the color of the ghost that never was? It's just absurd.

Oh my god, when this ghost vanishes it'll be the happiest day of my life because it's so apparent that it's a ghost flickering. Yes, yes.

You allow me to make your reports for some time. You don't have anything, okay? Don't understand anything, okay? Because even the intellectual representations then will start to feel as if they're true to your narrative or to your experience.

Okay. Very scary, Father, because you know, what about all my relationships? I'm not a human being in this space. What about my son? He's so young, he's one. My husband. All these things, all these people in my life. What about all of them? Like, I don't have human feelings in that space.

Well, a bird doesn't have bird identity and yet it can fly. A plant doesn't have plant identity and yet it can grow in the most beautiful way. It is a human arrogance that says that human life cannot happen unless we take ourselves to be a limited self. The Self can run our human existence quite well. A bird in the first year of its life could be alone, and when the season changes and it knows it has to fly north or fly west or whatever, it just starts flying in the right direction and lands up in exactly the lake it is supposed to land up in, in the first year of its life without being in a flock. Which intelligence guides that? Which identity? So handing over to grace is actually beautiful. See, as long as you don't burden it with expectations. It is not a cheat code to getting the best things in life according to our mind and burdening it with expectations. But there is no more beautiful life than a life that is fully surrendered to your intuitive intelligence rather than your mental ideas of what you are and who you are and what feelings you have to have or not have.

Understood, understood. I understood. I fully surrender and fully, fully—it's all a yes. Even the raging fire is a yes.

Is saying yes to this now. You don't know what raging fire is. Yes, yes, yes. You don't know that. This is like a fresh, fresh birth just now. Forget all the molds in which you could decipher your life because this is how the mind meets life. The mind cannot meet life without the molds, without the labels, you see. But it doesn't need those molds to live.

It's a new way of living that I've never done before, so it is scary. It is very scary because this is all I've known. I've only lived through this entity with this mind, so living without it is terrifying. But this entity has failed me so much. I don't know who it's failed because the one who's speaking is also the entity, but it's just been a disaster that it's time. It's time to give it up.

Mostly we come to it upon recognizing what a disaster it is when we come to giving it up. Mostly like that. Usually we keep hoping for some return on the investment we've made into it, but we realize that it's just more good money chasing bad money and then we give it up. And what will help the fear is just your trust in your devotion, you see. The devotion is your antidote to the fear. So where there is true devotion, then fear cannot really make a deep impact. Some wobbliness, of course, will be experienced and that is fine.

When those fears come up, they seem so real that the devotion is—even though it's very there, it's very much there in the core—the devotion is also... the fears just say, 'Don't trust all these.' You know, it tells you not to trust all of this, like it's going to fail you. You know, Guruji and you are all going to fail me. And you know, it says all sorts of things. It says everything.

It is the one that is losing usually that fights back the most. Truth cannot fail because it's just chilling, relaxing, always there. Totally chilling. However much you may flutter about, dance about, you're going to eventually rest on the truth itself. No need to come and shake you up and say, 'Come, come, can't you see your reality is you?' because you're bound to come there. And you're seeing how that is. All the fluttering has happened, you see that it's pointless. All the interpretations and the narratives and stories that we've invested in, you see that they're burning to a crisp and they have no value actually. So the truth is always here waiting for you. The truth is always here waiting for you. But if you try to hold the hand of both, then it's going to seem like a very stretchy ride. You're going to get stretched out in both ways. Now, you're right that as you're coming into this, it can seem very strange because we're so used to determining what our past has been, you see, and therefore based on those determinations deciding where we have to go in the future. Without all of that, it can just feel like it's too, too open, you see. Too naked. We don't know what to do. And that is the most auspicious. But the mind will play with that and convince you that you're very scared. These things are happening, but try not to put any labels around any of that. My advice of meeting everything just in pure perception—you will never experience the same thing twice. So our labels of fear and bliss and joy and peace and fire and all the good things, everything is just the mental layer of abstraction that we put on top of that which is pure perception, just so that the mind can find ways to insert it into the narrative of a human life and to its story of what is and what is not. Reality has nothing to do with that. Right now, the light of your being is shining. That one moment, this one moment is worth a million lifetimes of suffering, you see. But not to the mind, because the mind will make an experience out of even this and it will say, 'But I've had hundreds of experiences of suffering, this is just one moment.' It's already out of that. Just meet your being right now. It's the most pristine. No greater gift in the universe. So blessed you are. So blessed you are. Try to represent this moment in your narrative right now. Right now, right now, now, now. Represent this moment in the narrative. What is here? What is here right now? We cannot do it. So we just have to make it into some primitive story and say, 'Oh, this is satsang happening, there's one master sitting and all these disciples asking questions.' Nothing to do with what is happening here. Very little to do with what's happening. It's just primitive noises about something which is much more pristine than that. How can we represent something that is so rich and intricate in flavor and beauty with just these primitive noises, isn't it? This moment is so much light, grace, presence, but ten minutes later we'll just be like, 'This sounds so...' as a true representation, as a cartoon sketch. If you see it as that, then that's also fine. That's also fine. It's not in opposition to anything. But if you say that is all there was—the cartoon sketch version of the lame photocopy of what this is—if you take that to be it, then that is...

Can we represent something that is so rich and intricate in flavor and beauty with just these primitive noises, isn't it? This moment is so much light, grace, presence, but ten minutes later we'll just be like... this sounds so... as a true representation, as a cartoon sketch. If you see it as that, then that's also fine, that's also fun. It's not in opposition to anything. But if you say that is all there was—the cartoon sketch version of the lame photocopy of what this is—if you take that to be it, then that is just a disservice to yourself. This one moment of presence, all of you are experiencing. All of you are experiencing it. But satsang will get over and then ten minutes later your mind will come and say, 'I don't know, today I didn't really understand anything you were saying.' You see? A primitive narrative. Or even if it says, 'It was so beautiful, you know, that one point he made about this just hit home and that's all I have to do,' that's also a very primitive narrative compared to the pristine innocence that you are experiencing right now. And this is always with you. In satsang, you're just being pointed to that which is always with you. And it's a supportive pointing in some way, but it's not something which is not available to you at all times. Your being is always there.

Keep pretending. Sorry, Father, my husband just turned off the lights. Thank you, Father. Thank you so much. Thank you for that.

So, so welcome. All just hear that somebody in the chat just said, 'Beloved Father, may I request for your prayer for my father who passed away suddenly and unexpectedly last Thursday, leaving us with much sorrow and sadness.' All my love, all my blessings to you and your family. May you be reminded in your heart that, of course, it is natural to miss the world deeply of the one who seems to have passed, but in reality, their presence is always with us. Enjoy this presence deeply in your heart and may all of you just meet him so beautifully in there. And this is not contrary to grief. Grief can be also allowed to come and pass through us; it's very natural for it to happen anyway. But my full, full blessings, full love. There is nothing to worry about. Everything is happening under the great care and with the Satguru's support. Everything is good. Okay, let's go to Birgit.

So, I am so happy to talk to you because something is holding me back for a long time. So every time I can observe that I want to talk to you and I'm not able to push the hand up button. I see, yes, it's a fear and this anxiety and my heart is beating, but I feel I need help. I need help from you and from Guruji.

Very good. Firstly, I want to tell you that there's no rush. Just take your time, feel at home. It is natural for the mind to try and make you fearful, and some nervousness can come when you're speaking with so many others watching. Some of it is natural for it to come, but don't worry about it. Take as much time as you need. And I'm very, very happy that you put up your hand today and I'm very happy to meet you in this way. So whenever you feel ready and you want to share something about what your insight is, if there's something that you feel you're stuck with, I'm happy to hear, or just we can sit in silence, whatever you prefer.

Yes, I want to speak. Okay, let me put it in words. I can observe my body. I know that this heart beating is coming up in these situations, especially when I want to talk, and in other situations also. For example, when I want to go to a doctor and I have to come inside, so I get very sweaty. And when I'm at home, I'm all okay and I'm not afraid of that. But I'm afraid of the pain what is in this body. And I have experienced that I have full trust to you and to Mooji, and I have met Mooji. I was in Portugal for two, three times. And I have experienced this bliss and I know that God exists, but for now I cannot find it inside me. You know, I have this experience there in Sahaja, for example, but when I came home, then after a short time—it's like other people report—after one or two weeks, then this has changed and I'm so sad that I cannot keep it, you know? But it's normal that I cannot keep it.

Very good, very good. I enjoy a very much direct question like this. So you said something very beautiful. You say, 'I went to Guruji in Sahaja and it was so apparent that God exists. I found God.' Then you said because there was so much bliss. So, is God bliss for you?

For me, it's yes, it's this whole existence. It cannot be... I know it since I'm a child that God is not for me a man sitting in, yeah, with the white beard, because it has to be something. It's formless, or I call it this intelligence what produced this all. But this manifestation is so strong that I cannot let believe that this is I am. When this body is 'I' and I suffer this pain and all this. And I know that satsang is helping me very much, but sometimes these thoughts are coming: 'I don't... it is enough of this. I don't want to be reborn anymore.' Yeah, even I have a good life. It's not so that I'm that it's very worse, so I'm ill or something. No, it's normal. But it's not that what I prefer. I want to be in, to merge with God, you know what I mean?

So, just making sure I heard you correctly. You said that when you come to satsang, when you visited Guruji in Sahaja, you knew that God exists. You felt the presence of God. But then you said that because there was bliss. So I was just asking whether when bliss is not there, does that conclude... do you conclude that God also is not there?

No. In the inside, I don't know if it's knowing, but every time there it has to be so. And even if this body is going to be like... I know that something inside me, it has to be connected with. But you know, this play of life, it's so strong or so sometimes so unpleasant that I don't like it. So maybe you have a direct connection to God to tell him that I don't like it? But I don't know how to explain it.

Yes, okay. Okay, so let's see. Before we can conclude the existence of God, what is the basis on which we can conclude that I exist? Can you experience your own presence, your own existence?

I think so, yes. I can, yes.

So this existence—and if it is not clear, just try to stop being, like I always advise. Just try to stop being and you notice that your being just is. You just are. So this being, this being, whose being is this? Whose presence is this?

It feels like this presence is in the body, in my body. Because when I wake up in the morning, then it's clear to me because then the activities of this life are started and then I can observe that I exist. And by then it gets mixed with, in a very short time, in a few seconds, mind creeps in. And during the day it gets more and more louder. And I have this feeling or this thought is coming up that I only can come in my stillness or presence when I physically sit there and do this meditation or watch something. And so most of my time I don't want to interact with my family or with my children and so on. That's sometimes. But I know that this existence is there and I know that I can observe it when I'm dreaming and there's a pause when it's a deep sleep, that state. But I don't...

Okay, so just let's pause then. So now just stay with me as much as possible. This sense of being which is apparent to you, just without applying any intellect or mental knowledge, even spirituality, nothing—just with the innocence of a child, see if you can find the boundary of this being. And if you can confirm that it is only within the body. See if you can confirm this in your own seeing and not through any concept.

So it cannot be only in my body because when I close the eyes, I feel what is outside.

Yes, yes, yes. See if you can find any boundary of this being, any limitation, any constriction, any boundaries.

I cannot find any boundary, but my mind is telling me... I'm not sure if it's only intellectual.

Let your mind say whatever it wants. Don't worry about whatever it is saying, neither confirmation nor denial. We're just staying with what we are seeing. So continue to see if you can find any sort of boundary. Even this voice that you're hearing, is it happening outside of your being?

No, it is everywhere.

Everywhere, everywhere. This presence is God's presence. Your mind has only one job, which is to convince the presence or the being itself that it is limited, and that is part of the design of being. But in reality, in just a moment, you came so face-to-face with this simple insight that this being is actually universal. And the universal being is another name for God. There is no other God but this. Don't worry about any byproducts. Don't look for bliss, don't look for joy. Just being itself. It doesn't matter whether it's a sober seeing or joy is coming. It doesn't matter. None of that is important. It definitely doesn't matter what your mind is concluding. Just your own presence. You're validating whether it is limited or it is unlimited, and whether it has any sort of boundary, whether it is personal in any way. So it is checking on your very presence.

When I can observe that during the day or waking state...

Yeah, we'll come to that, my dear. Just okay, don't insert any other time. Don't speculate on past or future, nothing. Just right now. Just now we are trying to give you the greatest gift that is possible. And sometimes it can seem so natural and simple that you can feel like, 'Okay, now this is all right now, but what about that and what about this?' But don't allow your mind to play this trick on you. Stay with this gift. It's the greatest gift. The most pristine being is already here with you now. Does that have any worry about past or future?

No.

Is it feeling a lack of anything? Does it want something?

No, it does not want nothing. It is effortless. It's nothing. Only when the mind starts the chattering, then it gets sometimes eclipsed also.

But now, very good. So now allow your mind to chatter also. Fully allow your mind to chatter fully, but you don't touch it. Allow it to throw whatever it has at you. You let it come and go. It's fine. Whatever it is saying, it's fine. You just rest as your being.

Yes, then it's so that it feels uncomfortable in this body. Yes, I can observe it.

Yes, allow the discomfort also to play. All sensations can play as they want, but your being is unaffected by them. Because for your being, which is so vast that it is vast beyond this space, even the space is nothing but a small, small, small object within the being itself. So don't worry about any sensation, any perception. Allow everything full freedom, except the mind. Is there anything telling you that this being is personal or limited now? Is it your experience that it is limited? Do the sensations of the body create a limitation for your being, or they are also perceived within your being?

No, they are perceived in this being. And it's from time to time I perceive it today.

But what if this being itself was God? What if this being itself was God that we are looking for? Then what would we search for now? What if there was no difference between this Atma and the Paramatma, which is this being and the great being, the greatest being? What if they were one?

So the mind is trying to answer, but when all is one, then there are no problems. So if I feel in the moment, I cannot accept all what is happening.

Yes, yes. Now, is this 'I' from the being? No, it is... so when we see that the being is unaffected by all perceptions and sensations which may be appearing, we see that this being is my manifest nature. That 'I' which is manifesting in the play of all of these perceptions is nothing but an objective aspect of myself. There's no 'I' separately saying 'I can accept fully.' It is the very being itself which you are speaking of, or speaking as, now. Your mind will try to convince you that it is not enough or it can't be that simple. All of these tricks.

No, it is so. When we see that the being is unaffected by all perceptions and sensations which may be appearing, we see that this being is my manifest nature. That 'I' which is manifesting in the play of all of these perceptions is nothing but an objective aspect of myself. There's no 'I' separately saying 'I can accept fully.' It is the very being itself which you are speaking of or speaking as. Now your mind will try to convince you that it is not enough or it can't be that simple—all of these tricks it will play on you. Let it. Let it play in its playground. Don't worry.

But what is so strong that it puts me back in this body? I don't want to have this play.

So okay, let's try to do it. Put yourself back in this body. Put it. Don't try to avoid it. You put it. Tell me when you're done. Okay, yes, do it. Physically try and do it. Just put all of yourself back into this body.

Like no, I cannot. I cannot do it. It's only every time it is a switch from this presence to the person and um...

Is it even a switch, or is it just an idea? Because if you cannot actually do it, because that would be a switch—being was everywhere, in fact beyond everywhere, everywhere was in being, and suddenly a switch happened and I'm back into this. Yeah, okay. Is it like this? Everything comes... no, no, it's not so. Not like that. No. Where's the switch? It's not like that. So it is just an idea of the switch, that 'now I'm back in the body.' And the idea is just that 'I am this body-mind.' You see, when that idea is believed in, that the same being is believing the idea of its own limitation. That's why I said there are only two modes apparently, you see: God playing with the mask of limited identification and God playing without the mask of limited identification.

Now, in every moment you're free from the mask. Every moment. You don't even know your name this moment. This moment you don't know your name, you don't know any boundary, you see. But when we start to think about it and we pick up one notion, then it seems like the whole tree of conditioning we end up believing, because in one notion every notion is contained. You see, if we understand one word, we have to understand the whole dictionary. So that's it. So as you allow yourself to not get caught up in the playground of the mind and intellect, and allow it to play, then nothing is getting limited actually. Nothing is coming back into the body.

Yes, okay. Yes, but exactly... I want to just not use the word 'but,' but it's 'but'...

So what are you trying to convince now? Are you trying to convince yourself or your mind? Like, is the answer that you're hoping for, is it going to be just something that your intellect can take on and then the question will go away? Or is there a greater answer that you're expecting than the direct experience which you just had of your unlimited nature?

Um, I feel that I have to share a bit, to ask you that. During the day, this is all observed and something is going very quick, or identifying with this person. Without it, it is not possible to have an experience, and then it's coming inside. And then since two or three years, this gate is telling me, 'You are not able to do it' and 'You are not every five minutes to stay in the present.' I know that no one can stay there, but it makes a comparison. It compares it with the state I have experienced in Sahaja, for example, that pure stillness and then silence. That was a very big confirmation, and this is okay, like it's not feeling so anymore. Let's see, that's the only difference. But this is what is happening. I know that this is only the play and everything what is coming is going, and nothing can stay for long or for forever. But sometimes the mind is telling me, 'You grasp it only intellectually.' And so I want to ask for your prayers so that can help this person, or how can I put it in words?

You do more than that. Tell me something that your mind tries to convince you that you know only intellectually. Give me an example of what you could know only intellectually. Is it the unlimited nature of your being? Do you know that only intellectually?

No, that's outside the mind. I don't need the mind to know that this is so. But I...

Okay, that you know only intellectually?

No, that's a natural knowing, this one.

The knowing that you're coming through, you cannot know it intellectually actually. You can have the concept of it, yes, but the concept will never replicate your direct experience of it. And the direct experience is much simpler than anything that you could know intellectually. Now the thing is that the mind will convince you that fresh being or fresh God is not good enough compared to any spiritual experience that you had in the past. Over many years, I've had this report coming from so many of the brothers and sisters where they say, 'No, no, but Ananta, what I saw one year ago when I came to satsang, I have lost that. I somehow can never get that.' You see? So this is another mind trick which amplifies something from the past and it sets up a benchmark over there and says, 'See, that was it. It is not right now like that.'

You see, that which cannot grasp into what is right now wants to be able to conclude that this is better and this is worse. Can your mind meet right now fully and tell me if it is less or more?

What should the mind tell you? I don't...

Yes, so your mind is able to conclude that what previous experience you had, that was greater, and what you're having now is not good enough. But can your mind actually meet what is right now? What can it say about right now which is true?

For right now, there's nothing. I don't know what you can say.

It cannot say anything true about right now, you see. It can only rely on some memory and some primitive representations. 'Okay, this means better. Okay, 100 grams of bliss, 200 grams of joy, 50 grams of love. They made such a beautiful mixture. Where is the 100 grams of bliss now? No, now there's only 10 grams.' All this nonsense is what it does with measuring based on memory. In all of this play, we are missing the fresh God which is here now. Fresh consciousness, full being is here right now, but the mind cannot grasp it. The mind cannot grasp it. So don't try to convince the mind, you see.

Whose presence is here now? Whose presence is here? Whose being is being? What could be missing for that? What lack is there? What more does it want? Such a pristine divinity is in your heart. It is the heart of the universe itself. Don't put that into any narrative because it doesn't fit. Can anyone say that God yesterday was better than God today, or worse than God today? Then the mind will come and say, 'But your experience of God yesterday was better or worse than your experience of God now.' But the voice of this mind, which itself once believed in, is the only determinant of that pristine experience or not. It is now telling you that is the only difference. Your being is the being. Same idea. Say, do it...

Oh, just a moment. It's knocking. It's my son on the door. One second please. So, I'm sorry. So no, the mind cannot compare, but what can we use to truly compare?

Mind cannot compare. Your intellect also can't compare. Then what can we truly use to compare? Now take your being now. Take your being now and try to compare it against being from past or future. How will you do it?

Yes, it is not possible to do it. So this presence is every time there? Only when the mind is coming inside and tells us these lies, or it's a play of this body, especially body. I know that and I don't know what to say.

It's good enough. It's good enough, my dear. Because the seeker identity is made up of notions in the mind, then we feel like we have to resolve this at the level of the mind. We have to convince the mind so that the mind can give us a certificate: 'No, this was it. You met God. You see, you are free now.' And all this nonsense we want from the mind, you see, without realizing. But the thing is that the problem is at the mind level. The only solution to this problem is to transcend that level. You see? So like I say very simply, let that playground play. Whatever is playing in that playground, let it happen. You don't bother with it either way—which team is winning, which team is not winning. Just don't worry about it.

There is no greater God than fresh God that I know in my heart. Everything else is a mind story. The God that you are tasting as your own being, there is nothing greater than that in this entire universe and every universe that has ever played. It is only your presence, your being, which is the pristine being. Nothing is greater than that.

I have had this experience when it is letting go of everything, then sometimes miracles happen or situations are playing out like God's will and for better. And even that, when it comes back to an unpleasant situation, the mind is telling me, 'So you are now, you know, you are not anymore in this field.'

Also the mind will play that way. Now I want to tell you that time is just a notion for your being. There is no time. So anytime the mind convinces you about time, you're buying into a limited idea of your being. Now, can you tell me that same story without time? No. Time itself is a story. Is your being in time? How do you know what happened earlier? Maybe this dream just started. Maybe this dream just started and you were just starting this dream and somebody says, 'So what happened yesterday?' and some images are there from memory saying, 'Ah, this is what happened.' Can we really say that any of that is real? Maybe all of this is just an imagination from 10 million years ago. Maybe all of this is just a revisiting movie that we made 100 years ago. We can't say anything about this in the realm of time and space. But in your reality, what is undeniable? That I am aware of my presence. I am aware of my being. In that truth, there is nothing missing and it doesn't have to translate into the screen of this movie and change something for the movie characters.

Okay, but what happened with this awareness that I am when this body die? What happened then?

What happened when you went to sleep last night?

I wake up next morning.

How do you know you went to sleep? How come it wasn't just, oh, it's 10:00 p.m. and suddenly it's 5:00 a.m. or 6:00 a.m.? What happened in the middle? Who was aware of that?

Then nothing happened.

But who's aware of that nothing? How come it's not a time-lapse moment where suddenly it was 10:30 and now it's 6:30 a.m. or 6:00 o'clock in the morning? See, there was no awareness of the absence of beingness, you see. And if there was no awareness of the absence of beingness, then it would just be like this. It'd just be that all humans would say once in a day a time switch happens for all of us that seems to last a few hours, you know? Would you say, 'No, I went to sleep and then in the middle of my sleep sometimes some dreams came, there were some very weird things that happened, then I went back to sleep again and then I woke up and it was here, I was here'?

So what provides that continuity? Even if there's a Guruji's photo on the wall, you see, suppose then tomorrow there is nothing on the wall. To be able to say 'this photo' and 'there is nothing,' there must be one witness of both, isn't it? If it was just that the photo changed, you see, and there was no time where there was nothing in the middle, then we would just say, 'Oh, the face of the photo changes once a day.' Are you with me in this? It can seem a bit subtle. Yes, but to observe the gap between the photos changing, there must be something which witnesses even that there was nothing on the wall. Anyway, when life is here, don't worry about death. Enjoy this life which is here. Enjoy your presence, your being, while it is here. Don't get into any realm of speculation, conceptual speculation. Then in your heart, in...

If there was nothing in the middle, then we would just say, 'Oh, the face of the photo changes once a day.' Are you with me in this? It can seem a bit subtle, yes, but to observe the gap between the photos changing, there must be something which witnesses even that there was nothing on the wall anyway. When life is here, don't worry about death. Enjoy this life which is here. Enjoy your presence, your being, while it is here. Don't get into any realm of speculation, conceptual speculation. Then, in your heart insight, you will see that the notion of death doesn't apply to anything which is real about you. But let them just not be some words which just become words. In your heart, you know that there is no death, you see, but in your mind, it wants to determine it in some conceptual, deterministic way. But life is not so simple that it can be determined that way. But the sleep experiment is a good one. Contemplate what goes to sleep and what wakes. First thing in the morning, if this reminder comes: What just woke up? Who woke up? And what is the change between sleep and waking? If you're really interested in the question of death or the absence of beingness, then it's nothing to do or to let this life force play.

Yes, but what are you referring to yourself as when you say, 'I have nothing to do'? And if you said, 'I had something to do,' what would you be referring to? If both the references are the same, which is again the limited body-mind, then forget about something or nothing. Who has nothing to do? God? Okay, so this is a mind's gravitation which says, 'Okay, now, so what am I supposed to do now?' You see? But what is the shape of the 'I' now? What is the shape of the 'I' who wants to know what to do or what not to do? Okay, then it's a person. So that's what's the trouble with this sort of—it's called an Advaita pointing, but it really isn't—where there's a notion of 'I am not the doer.' It can be used sometimes, but the thing is that it is not that you are that which you considered yourself to be, which was the doer, and now we're taking away all powers of doing from them. It is just that you are seeing that you never were that, you see. So you don't go from 'I was the doer' and 'I'm not the doer now.' That 'I' which you took yourself to be, you never were. One being is what you found, isn't it? You didn't find two beings, no? It's always the same that I find. So then that one being, if there's something called doing, there must be only that one doer. And if there's no doing, then the question itself dissolves. If everything is the doing of the one doer, then all is just happening within that.

That's what I was asking another one earlier: What do we mean by doing? Is this a doing? Am I doing this? Is there Ananta sitting here doing this? I don't find this Ananta. So this mouth moving, this hand moving, those eyes blinking, that head nodding—all is the doing of my being. What makes this my doing? Or am I saying I don't find any such 'me' here? And you also don't find, because the being that you find has no boundary, has no limitation. Is it just Alvin's being? This Philby, thank you so much. Thank you for this beautiful conversation, and I'm sure the recording and the transcript may be helpful to many. And I love you so much.

I love you too. Thank you. And I'm so, so happy that I came up today because I don't know if... love you, love you, love you.

I'm happy, I'm very happy you came as well. Hello.

Thank you. Very welcome, my dear. Wow, I'm so grateful. Thanks. There is this... you are talking about the intuition and that's what is understood somehow and easily, easily there if tuning in. And also it's all easily, easily sensed when this divine music is playing, when your presence is here, here, here—I mean here. And that's all, all I want. There wouldn't be any, any duality because the duality hurts, and the duality is the mind only, which is totally fake. It is like causing all this suffering and projections and all of that, and when identified with, it's unbearable. Yeah. And that's the way also how this God's divinity in heart is recognizable, because without these two extremes... like extreme, there is... it's like you are talking about the bliss and then the opposite of bliss. And of course, everybody would probably like to be drunk of bliss because it's just so beautiful, and I don't want to like, like ever get out of that because anything out of bliss is just horrible. This divinity cannot live in it or as it, I don't know how to say that.

And Ananta, I'm so, so grateful that grace took me to you because when I... and when your presence is... even I need you to be in duality. You don't have this form wherein the heart just remembers itself, you know, by the innocent, innocent like substance. This puppy is saying substratum with something in me, like 'me' remembers, but it comes like by effort of the person identity in this, this biggest faker ever, the ego, you know? It cannot be found there because it's just not real, you know. And that's why I can just repeat like I know that Guruji just, just couldn't look at this play going for any longer and just took this being to you through another divine being, you know. I'm so grateful to him as well, and he's most humble. Please, just like there is nothing to be done, you know. I know that this is like once surrounded, I cannot be any personal will. That's why this, that's why like everything that 'me', this name and form, used to be identified with, it was by this, this beautiful grace just crushed and crushed and crushed for years, you know. And even though I'm so creative—no, God gave me that as well—even this creativity was crushed so like badly. But I know that I created that, you know, to come back to this.

But it is just like at the end of that is like... also there is a non-effort because where is effort is duality. I just... there is just... oh no, I speaking honestly, I just totally about to touch your feet and I keep my, my all this being, all these beautiful innocent heart that was so tortured to your feet, you know. I know that God cannot be ever overcome, you know. There is no higher, higher power than this. And no matter who's what forces are playing, there is no longing for physical life, not for like almost all life, you know. This physical form was just not something. But there is, there is this divine timing for everything, and this heart was told everything will be revealed to you when it's time. And I luckily, thank God for that, it cannot be manipulated. So let me live? No, it's even this is not true. There is only this good, good God's principle that is in me, united with that principle of Guru's feet. I don't know how to say that in... may or will be for the highest goodness not only me, but that was always about the others, you know. Thank you very much for doing, for being here for all of us. May we all just overcome all these delusions which is nothing really, but I don't know what I'm saying, Ananta. Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

For this report, and all your words are accepted so fully in my heart. And big love, great blessings to you. You're always here, always here.

Thank you. That's my heart to hear you. You've got mine, like yeah. Thank you, thank you.

Let's go to Srikant. What's happening, Olga? I don't know here. If this was a game of chess, I wouldn't know whose move it is. And it depends on the nature of what we are discovering and the simplicity and the innocence of it; then we find it impossible to put in words and we don't even know how to frame a question. Another report, and it's very beautiful. It's very beautiful and it's feel grace actually. And yet if words come naturally, that's, that's fine too because they form a form like a layer of how the play happens in this play. That is fine too. But many times we just are not able to express, or some words are coming and we are looking at this word saying, 'This has nothing to do with what I'm experiencing.' It's all fine. Your video is frozen. That's fine. Is it for everyone? Yeah, everyone is... hello? Okay, you all like that. He really ran out of words. Okay, let's come back to Srikant in a moment. Let's go to... here. Atmosphere. Hello. Is it cool there?

Yes, so cold. Autumn finally came and she's like, 'Oh, too cold.' Okay, okay, not so polite. Um, yeah, I don't know. There's just like a feeling, um, that is gonna sound strange. Like, I didn't wanna raise my hand, but I felt like I'm called to raise my hand. Maybe like that, something. I don't know. Maybe during the satsang there were a few things like maybe coming up to say that... that maybe lately the distinction between let's say mind or not mind, seeing, not seeing, I'm watching, I'm not watching—actually like diminishing quite a bit. And it's everything, it's just like, I don't know, like I feel like I could speak about those things if asked, but in actuality I don't know anything about them. And it's so in my heart they never gonna be true somehow like that.

Really very good. Very exactly, exactly. So as words, we can provisionally be used to point to something, but to find inherent somethingness in anything, you see, whether it is even the manifest or unmanifest, though the watching or being—all of these are just provisional terms that we use to point. And at the, at the end, if there is even such a thing at the end, everything is left undifferentiated. You cannot put anything in any conceptual compartment at all.

Yes, but somehow there's no... like, I don't want to speak more about it. Like, it's just like something is just... but maybe there's like... usually what happens is there's no impulse to speak about these things except sometimes when asked, or it just feels in the heart that something is expressed in this way, it could be helpful in some way. But there's no, like in day-to-day life, I'm not speaking this stuff. Yes. Um, but maybe after seeing this, like, lately I've been like having some, I don't know, thoughts, and maybe I had my own insights into it, but I just wanted to double check that maybe I'm not hiding somewhere under some like spiritual blanket or something like, um, about maybe my own personal life somehow. Like, I feel like just mind, there is space around it. It's not very tight. It's just something I feel like maybe I need to speak about. Like, for the past like, I don't know, more than three years or something, it's been like, I don't know, my life has been very quiet and just not exactly quiet, but maybe quieter than what I'm used to. And I see people like, I don't know, getting married, getting divorced, buying cars, buying flats, buying, traveling, this, that. In my life, nothing. And I don't know, but the thing is like, I'm so... I feel so blessed, like, in a way. But then again, like, how do you know you're blessed or not in that way? That nothing from my like close circle is actually... actually everyone's being very supportive, so I never hear like something, 'Oh, you don't do this' or 'You don't do that.' Maybe sometimes from older generation, but then again I kind of like, 'Yes, I agree with you, it is true.' So that's all I can say. And somehow maybe lately I started to maybe worry about a bit about that.

Like, yeah, I'm glad, I'm glad you're checking because I'm familiar with this slightest bit of concern that can happen sometimes when your parents or something says, 'But there's nothing really happening in your life, right? Are you... you know, don't you want to do something? And is this normal? Is there something wrong with you?' Like, you know, it's so strange that Guruji talks about this, but here also in the time where there was really nothing happening after meeting him for a few months, and there was not so much life energy also to, for this body-mind to move into things. So a lot of people around me just said, 'What are you... all right? Are you depressed? Is there something wrong with you?' And I was quite happy actually. But one time I did write to Guruji and say, 'Is everything all right? Because I seem to be happy, but everybody else around me is starting to get a bit concerned.' And he told me that I...

There was a time where there was really nothing happening after meeting him for a few months, and there was not so much life energy also for this body-mind to move into things. So a lot of people around me just said, 'What, are you all right? Are you depressed? Is there something wrong with you?' And I was quite happy actually, but one time I did write to Guruji and say, 'Is everything all right? Because I seem to be happy, but everybody else around me is starting to get a bit concerned.' And he told me that it's very, very natural for it to happen as we are immersing ourselves in this insight about what we are—I'm paraphrasing of course. So he said it's very natural as this river flows in this way, it is natural for it to rest like this. And for close family members who care about us also to be a bit concerned, to say, 'Is everything okay and can we help you in some way?' It's all good if it is as you're reporting it to be, where all these categories and differences are not as meaningful and really life is going on, but it doesn't seem to be as eventful as everybody else's seems to be. It's completely natural.

It's completely natural. But I don't want to give this mistaken impression to the others that it must become like that, so that's also not true. In some cases, you could have a lot of things happening in our lives, in your lives, and things, and still your insides could be deepening. In other cases, it could be like a period of rest where nothing much seems to be happening. You just wake up and you sit and then you'll sleep for a bit and wake up again. And activity could still happen, but you feel so still as if nothing is really changing or nothing is happening in our life. It's completely fine.

You're just sitting as gurus, okay. Yeah, because there is something like, 'Oh, you should do something,' but there's, I don't know, there's no ideas, there's no suggestions coming in, nothing. It's just even if I was to do something, what would I do? Even that is not clear sometimes in the rest period.

That's fine. Nothing, I don't know, so yeah, I was a bit worried about that. Very good, you got it, because there's nothing to worry at all.

Because there is something as well, like I heard—maybe I'm going to paraphrase it or something, maybe I'm mistaken—but it was like Ram Dass, he said like before his death or something that, 'One thing that I wish that I had changed or something, that I looked after my health more.' So that is just like as well, like so maybe I'm not looking after my future enough, something like that. But okay, I understand what you're saying.

You can now smell well enough to be able to tell whether it is just like a mental button being pushed by the mind, or do you have an intuitive resonance with something that you felt like it was an intuitive guidance that came? So you can smell for that. And if you feel like there's some intuitive resonance with just taking care of the body a bit more, it can't hurt. If you feel like it is intuitive, then it couldn't hurt to do a few push-ups every day. It's okay, no?

But I mean, it's not just about body health, it's actually about the life of this one, let's say. But I don't know, I'm saying those things, but it's just like the body...

If you could take care of yourself in some way, what would that be?

I don't know. I feel happy as it is, but I don't feel like there's anything to be concerned about. Thank you.

Do you feel like—I feel that you're able to sense whether something is coming intuitively or something is just a mind switch? You feel like that sense of smell is intact?

That's a very good question actually. I feel like, let's say, my whole life I could do that. I always followed my heart, even if it wouldn't make any sense logically, but like, 'Okay, this is what my heart is asking,' or intuition. And then on a bad day, the mind can say, 'See where it got you,' you know what I mean? But then I felt like till this point, somehow I was really following my heart even if sometimes the experiences are inside or somehow maybe outside looked hellish somehow, but it still felt right in my heart somehow. I don't know, there was somehow deep peace with that. But maybe lately something happened, like maybe it's enough, maybe. So maybe that's the intuition speaking, that something is about to change or needs to change. So maybe I'm looking that direction, but something is not coming yet. I don't know.

Don't feel like your intuition will never say, 'I feel you had enough of listening to the heart, now you can go to the mind.' So just stay with your heart and it will guide you. And sometimes the guidance can be absurd, sometimes it can be pure silence, sometimes it can make complete sense. We can't really gauge it. We don't have the tools in our mind to be able to gauge the quality of guidance from our heart. We just have to trust the heart because we trust it, because there is devotion. That's the only rationalization we can make. There's no other way to rationalize our heart. And of course, the world will say, 'What have you been doing?' at times, and your mind can say, 'What have you done? See where you've come to.' But you are having the darshan of your being. Your heart is your being. It is the supreme intelligence. So you don't have to compare it in worldly terms against any other parameter that the world can show you in terms of relationships or cars or money.

Even if I look at this from the heart or something, this thing seems so insignificant, like almost nothing. This is not something to be concerned about. It's like this is eternal, something like that.

Yes. So something, I guess for me, maybe yeah, learn to discover more with this heart and trust even more. It's a constant. Nobody is ever full, finished, no more trust needed or no more insights can come. Nobody, never. You can never say, 'Yeah, I've spent so much time just as my being, maybe it's enough. I'm done with God.' Because God, it's not like you reach the end of God. 'Ah, now what?' It's an ever-deepening mystery. And mystery only in the sense of the unfathomableness of it just keeps deepening and deepening. Even in the sharing of satsang, what I used to share so authoritatively in the first year of sharing, now in the tenth year of sharing, I'm just like, 'Maybe, maybe. Light, light. Soft, soft.' You know? It makes us more and more open and ever-deepening, ever sweet, ever more enthusiastic. It does feel like that a few times where sometimes there's just nothing happening and there are times where so much is happening, but the presence of God is the one constant.

That's good. I'm actually very happy I spoke about it. I think...

Know that the mind will try to make this insight of your own presence into an experience and say, 'Good, good, but are you done? Let's do some other stuff.' But in the broadness and the vastness of your being itself, all other days can come and go. This is not an opposition to something. I'm neither advocating nor pushing against a renunciate type of life, but life just happens like that sometimes. Sometimes we end up being in a sadhu life without ever deciding we are going to be in a sadhu life, and sometimes we decide to be in a sadhu life and just more and more stuff keeps happening. Thank you. Send me the list of TV shows you're watching these days if you are, then that will be the first thing we put on every Friday.

Yeah, so good. Thank you for recommending it. Like, yeah, there were a couple of TV shows that I really enjoyed, like maybe too much even. I do maybe some childish ones, I don't know. That was like on Netflix, 'Shadow and Bone.' Oh my god, loved it so much.

Sorry, again, which one was it? I missed the name.

Shadow and Bone. I love this. I've seen it a couple of times already. Oh, this is so embarrassing. Don't tell anyone, by the way.

Small broadcast, just... okay, let's see what's happening. Let me try again. Not able to unmute it. I can't hear you anything. Okay, we'll try you again in a moment. Well, a chat message catches my attention: 'Dear Father, something very sad in the life of my partner and mine happened yesterday. At the same time, I feel God's compassionate presence very strongly. Please pray for my partner that she does not lose hope and let us deepen also through this experience in the truth and love that we all are.' May God's grace make even this event bring all forgiveness, openness, love, peace, and joy into your hearts, and may all those involved see this also as the Satguru's leela. Let's go to Data.

Hello. I was wondering which version will come up because I saw all the versions just in this satsang now, Father.

Yes, in the week between the satsangs everything happens in your life, isn't it? There's no reason everything doesn't happen.

But not just weeks, also just only in this satsang, you know? I just go from mood to mood, state to state. Sometimes laughing, sometimes just pure silence. And while you are speaking with us, incredible crying comes, and I don't even remember why I cry. Just after you call me, and I feel a little bit annoyed you didn't call me, etc., all these things. And I have no idea what to bring now, but...

I could sense that annoyance because the hand went up before the bhajan also and I'm calling on you after so many.

Yes, and I don't remember even... yeah, I remember now but it's not relevant now. Father, actually nothing is irrelevant. I mean, nothing is relevant, but there is something here and it never goes. And while you are speaking, Atma Jyoti, again this part has been touched and I don't know, I just want to bring this but it's not something... I don't know. I need your help for you to find, please, what is this? Please just help me because... yeah, not because help me to see whatever it says because it's like, Father, it's like playing. Okay, a lot of things happen in my life and actually they are not problems, but this thing, whatever it is, just makes them problems. And they are solving, they are disappearing, but this thing is still here. And this thing will turn another thing into a problem too, but they are not problems in themselves actually. But when I say 'this thing,' I don't know, I don't want to speak in satsang terms like... I don't know. It feels like... it doesn't feel like I said you can... we are in satsang after all.

Yes, but I just want to speak what feels true. I say it in that way. Good, good. Yes, I realize I'm just joking with you. So now there are two paradigms and we can accept only one of them or we can drop all of them. So between the two paradigms: we always say Master's grace is all there is, or the other paradigm is that in life there are problems and solutions. Now if Master's grace is all there is, then there cannot be problems and solutions. If there are problems and solutions, it cannot be that all is Master's grace. So which paradigm is more appealing to you? And if neither is appealing, open and empty is fine.

Okay, like right now what you say doesn't feel just so... it doesn't resonate with me somehow because again it's like too... sorry, English is also gone. This is what it is. I have a problem with myself.

What is my person? What is the aspect of ourselves that we can turn to to find that which is good for us or healthy for us or worthy for us or resonating for us? Where can we turn for that judgment?

I couldn't understand.

Which aspect of us can we turn to for us to be able to determine whether something is good for us or resonating with us or healthy for us? Where can we refer to?

I still... I'm not sure if I get the question.

But so okay, let me broaden it so that everybody can also understand what I'm saying. Often I use the word resonance in satsang. Often I use the term resonance and find that whether something is resonating or not. But it is possible for us to be using various...

I couldn't understand which aspect of us can we turn to for us to be able to determine whether something is good for us or resonating with us or healthy for us? Where can we refer to? I'm still not sure if I get the question.

But so okay, let me broaden it so that everybody can also understand what I'm saying. Often I use the word resonance in satsang. Often I use the term resonance and find that whether something is resonating or not. But it is possible for us to be using various aspects of our being to confirm that resonance. And one aspect is like confirmation bias: as long as he's agreeing with what I'm thinking, he's on the right track, keep going. So that is the thinking level, confirmation bias. Second is like an emotional level: I am feeling very sad or I'm feeling very happy, but he's just... if I'm feeling very happy, he's just being so somber, you know? He's just spoiling all my mood. He's asking me to look at who I am, but I'm so happy, you see. So can we refer to the emotional layer and say, okay, now if there's elements emotionally... so if I'm happy-happy, everybody around me should be happy-happy, and then I can say I'm resonating. If I'm sad-sad, everybody around me should be sad-sad, and then I feel like there was another thing with me, you know? So is it thinking level, is it emotional level, or is there another level which we can meet in my heart, that there is resonance here or not? Because that is the resonance we are talking about in satsang.

Because if we are expecting people to conform to our ideas, we don't conform to our own ideas. Like what you think is so believable today, tomorrow we may say that is a terrible thing, terrible idea. Our emotions are going past so fast. So if you're expecting collaboration to happen emotionally, all of you are going to go mad, you know? It's not going to work. So there must be a heart resonance which really is pointing you to the primary cause of all suffering. If there isn't, which is pointing you to this paradigm that either it is God playing, wearing the mask of individuality and therefore playing in the realm of suffering and the opposites, the roller coaster ride of this world, or it is God playing without the mask of individuality and therefore all is welcome, always open and empty and always free.

So at what level should we engage for this conversation to be meaningful? Not on satsang level, and yet this is satsang. We are still in the satsang, but not on that level anymore. I mean, for this conversation, at least one other level which can play out, which is old man father level: don't worry, my child, you will be fine. I have no other level left in my life. So either it is the satsang father which is telling you, intuitively guiding you to the truth, or there's like a biological father almost saying, don't worry, my child, everything will be fine.

Yeah, yesterday also I cry a lot again. Whatever this is coming and I told... like I didn't talk, but because I am so much in satsang, like okay. I was saying that I don't want pure awareness, I don't want silence, I don't want anything. I just want God. I just want God. And yeah, this is just so...

Pure awareness, pure beingness is not God? What is the God then? What is the boundary around the word God? You are again taking the conversation...

There are only two ways in which this one operates now. Then maybe my solution is satsang, I don't know. Maybe I need something else because I come here... it's not true to say I come here, I don't know. It's not my... okay, you please continue.

There's no... this may be a biased opinion, of course, but in my experience there's no greater gift in this realm than to meet yourself fully and openly. So whatever else your mind may convince you about, and you may say, 'No, no, I don't need satsang right now,' and yet you spend three hours listening to this stuff, you know? So I feel like you're following your heart, but in your mind you seem to be following your mind. 'I don't need support because I don't want to talk about pure awareness and all that stuff and okay, without that at the moment I need to just find God.' And you know, is it... this is not 'find God,' just want a hug. So you want to find God and then tell God what did you do? Who knows what to do better than God? Okay, so but this is a common complaint, like, 'I'm so bored of satsang, I don't want to hear about awareness anymore, this awareness thing,' you know? Okay, Father, not in its experience, of course, but I do want to find God, but I don't want God to like tell me anything, just give me a hug. So then we must have a greater intelligence than God then, to be able to tell God, 'Oh no, and then quick to tell me what to do.' Then they should be the Guru because they already know what I should be doing. Then who's the master and who's the disciple?

No, Father, I don't say... maybe I can put it in that way. Then why even the little things of life just have a very big impact on me? And not in themselves. It's like I don't have any idea how to meet with them. And while I'm reporting this, I'm seeing how ridiculous is this.

Because the problem that you define so far, and many of us who are new to satsang may be able to also relate to that problem: you may feel like I need to have an idea to deal with life. That is the mind's main proposal, that if you don't have an idea to deal with life, you're lost. But it's not true. Anytime you don't have an idea, you are so free. I don't have an idea to deal with life. How do I deal with life? If you ask me, 'How do you deal with life?' I won't be able to tell you a good idea. Life is not so small that an idea can counter it or meet it and it can be, you know, like a horse can be reined with ideas. Every time you try to impose an idea on life, life shows us how big it is and it's not going to be controlled by any ideas that we have. That is called suffering.

So what is suffering? When we have an idea about life, but life shows us, 'Hello, I'm here also, your ideas don't work,' you see? That is suffering. Is there any other stuff? It's only that. Like we try to put life in a box. 'Oh, this one should be mine, this one should not be mine, I should only have joy in my life.' We put a box in life and then life dances outside the box, you see, very happily. And we are suffering because we said, 'No, no, I put you in that box because I was told or I thought these ideas contain me.' Life is never contained in these ideas. So if you don't have an idea about life, it's very good, you see, because life is not so small. And secondly, without an idea you're truly meeting life for the first time. Otherwise you're only meeting the idea. We have never met life; we only met our ideas about life.

So don't meet life through your ideas and your boxes and your frameworks. And if you're losing those ideas or you're finding the worthlessness of these ideas, it is not that you're getting lost; it is that you are finding yourself now. The only thing maybe getting in your way is your expectation of outcomes and your determination whether some outcomes are good and some outcomes are bad. But we have no tool to be able to gauge that because in our heart everything is auspicious.

May I bring the situation more specifically? I also shared it in Help Heart Altar.

I just wanted to say Guruji said very clearly that nothing, no matter what it may be that may be appearing, has inherent meaning. Nothing has inherent meaning. And I know life sometimes shows us things which we feel like, 'Oh wow, this definitely means good,' but 'this definitely means bad.' But it doesn't. I met someone in Rishikesh who was staying at the same location and she said, 'You know, Ananta, my fiance who I loved very deeply, he passed away a few years ago and I can't tell you that that was the best gift I've ever received in life.' And I was so touched with that report, so touched with that report. Because to be able to see that the one who you planned to spend your whole life with was taken away from you in an instant, and to be able to look back at that now and say that led to my self-discovery and therefore it is God's biggest gift that has happened here, is truly so. So can we really confirm that this is good, this is bad, this should happen, this should not happen? We can play that game, but as you're seeing, that game has no end. It's a constant treadmill that you have to run and you reach no destination.

Father, first of all, by being with you I didn't have this distinction because we always and continue to see, you know, how especially when something strong comes, it's just God-sent, just so obvious. And even though without seeing the end of it, let's say like this, now you just know it because there's too much happening inside and no doubt. Yet while there is too much happening and it's some button... I want to share this button because this button is continuously pushed and I just want to look at it with you. Is it okay?

I want to also tell you, we'll look at the button, but I am telling you one thing: life is pressing everything at all times. Whatever buttons we have will get pressed, you see. So it's not a question of life is pressing the button, it is only a question of I still have that button, which is possible. There is nothing which life is not pressing. Because life is all-inclusive, it leaves no button unpressed. So it is never life being oppressive or life putting us into a box, although it seems like that to us, you see. But it is only because we still have a button, and that button will be a condition about how life should be or should not be. Okay, now tell me what the button is.

Sure, I don't blame life for this. The button is... yeah, there is too much noise and arguments happening around my space. I want to say like this, in my workplace, and especially they are coming together in front of me. Whenever there is an argument, they just come and make their arguments within my space. And I say within my space because, yeah, I don't... because the feeling and all this tension is just so present. It's not that, yeah, it's not my argument. There is no such a thing, you know? Whatever they feel here, they... here it is. And Father, you are just listening to me by smiling, so I don't know how to continue. My piece becomes like that.

No, you just remind me, it's not a mysterious thing, okay? I just go crazy when it is time to... Father, I just want to... sometimes when I'm at home, then I'm listening to my kids and my kids are telling me something and just this smile comes and they're just like, 'Don't satsang us!' Let some smile come. Sometimes the parent also comes: 'Do your homework, by the way. Have you been doing your homework?' Since you didn't want the smiling, has she been doing now? No, no, no, no. Which we are talking about and being pointed to, somehow we find can find it very difficult to insert into any narratives which may happen in the worldly realm. So that's why it can feel a bit of a level confusion here. I'm talking about these problems at work and Father is just like smiling.

Yeah, but you said it's just so true. I have this level confusion now, maybe I don't know.

Yes, and what's the level confusion? 'My space.' What is my space? What is not your space? Or what is the boundary of your space?

Yeah, this is the thing. Everything is happening in my space. And what is my space? Me, my everywhere, which in my perception, everything in your perception is your space.

Yes. You climb on a high building and saw half the city and the sky and the moon and everything, all that will be your space. And nobody is allowed to argue there? No one is it?

No, they are allowed to argue only... okay, the thing is, Father, what trouble, what gives a trouble and make an entanglement with them is that I want to shout at them too because there's such an ear and I just want to cut it. Yet I don't know, because I'm a woman or some social thing around me, I cannot shout. And actually my shouting is most natural in that scenario. And when I cannot do this, when I'm not natural, I don't know when I'm not allowed to express...

No, they are allowed to argue only. Okay, the thing is, Father, what gives trouble and makes an entanglement with them is that I want to shout at them too because there's such an ear and I just want to cut it. Yet, I don't know because I'm a woman or some social thing around me, I cannot shout. And actually, my shouting is must. Actually, what is most natural in that scenario? And when I cannot do this, when I'm not natural, I don't know, when I'm not allowed to express myself or something, this entanglement starts within. And yes, something like this—whenever I cut something natural, of course, I start to entangle. It's not about, of course, shouting or not shouting, but it's about whatever natural flow is being cut with something in my mind, with some fear or something. Just this suppression.

Just follow your energy. Just follow your heart moment to moment. Just follow your intuition moment to moment. If intuition makes you shout, shout. If intuition makes you hear quietly, hear quietly. Whatever, trust completely your heart.

Okay, thank you. Yeah. And may I see, Father, actually you have given me this freedom before, but every time the challenging becomes more and more strong, so I needed to be reminded of this again. So surely I will do that.

It is the development of trust, which is a constant process. We keep trusting the intuitive in the inside more and more and more and more, and our mental concepts of what it should be less and less. It's a constant and it's a beautiful, beautiful, sweet journey. So don't worry about that. And I'm always going to guide you towards trusting your intuition more.

Yes, please, Father, really. Because whenever sometimes you also talk with someone, I don't remember who, yeah, in a way... yeah, just thank you for giving me this freedom. And may I bring one more thing?

We have a few more waiting, my dear. Maybe you just write to me.

That's right. Okay. It actually includes this 'follow this intuition' thing. So just thank you. Let's go to Aparna.

Quickly, I just wanted your blessings too, Father. I just wanted to expose a few things as I've been telling you about the anxiety thing going on, which is coming up recently about my dad and brother thing, because he's totally controlling my dad. So I'm a little worried about my dad's health and also safety. You know, I'm not sure what to do, what steps I have to take to help him in any way. So that is one thing which is kind of giving me a little hard time. And also about how things are going to be. You know, sometimes I worry about the future and all those things. And yeah, I don't know how things will be, what I'm going to do, how I'm going to take things. You know, I don't know, Father. I know I've left everything at your feet, but still I feel shaky sometimes.

See, if you read your reports, for example, you will notice actually our mind is not able to determine what the trouble is. Sometimes it will say—for example, I'm not talking about you, but for example—it may say, 'Oh, my father and my brother ganged up and they're against us now.' Sometimes, 'Our brother is troubling my father,' and then, 'My father is doing this to me.' Sometimes, 'I want to protect my father,' sometimes, 'I want to show him the light of the truth and how he's doing something wrong.' So the mind is very unstable in terms of being able to determine what anything is. And this kind of instability can appear as anxiety, you see, because we are not able to even determine what the problem is, forget about trying to come to the solution. So at different points of time, different problems seem to be like the number one problem, and it can always seem like, 'Okay, now only if this was fixed, then I'd be always happy,' right?

And we've met like long ago, eight, nine years, and you notice that in the process there's always like one problem which you feel like, 'Okay, now if this was solved, then I'd be happy.' But life keeps throwing everything at us and the type of problems, they keep changing. What is the refuge? What is the solution? Like you said, 'I have surrendered everything,' and that is, of course, the most beautiful and simplest. And sometimes this wobbliness can come. And of course, in your divine presence I am, so I'm never at any distance from you. So that same divine presence uses this man's body to communicate these words. It's the same presence which lives in our heart, so I'm always there with you. Now, don't tire yourself in trying to play this game of problem and solution. Once you surrender, then allow it, whatever may come, even if it is whatever. And you will be able to see, like I mentioned this example, I remember you, that you will be able to look back at everything and look at it as grace. And you will look at it—which means you have had those moments where I remember at the end of one retreat where you were just like, 'Thank you, Father. Thank you, Father. Thank you. This is like, I don't know what to say but thank you.' You remember? But my gratitude cannot be shaken. So we can have those moments and then things can come in our life and they can seem to shake us again. But what that will only do is deepen and deepen with all of this.

Yes, Father, that is what is happening. I am, for me, from that end to this end, you know, I have seen all that and now I'm going deeper where it is, you know, the other way. And you know, there is fear actually, you know, the fear is coming up. See, I am not bothered about the outcome of anything. That anxiety thing comes up, I feel the pain in my tummy. You know, I wake up in the middle of the night around 3:30 and then after that I can't sleep. You know, these... and that fear of the future, like how if something goes wrong with me, who's going to take care of my daughter? All these kind of things come up and then I am unable to do anything at this moment. I don't have any help also, maid help or security or anyone. Nobody is there and it's all testing for me. You know, it's an acid grace. I don't mind, you know, because I think I have that strength, I can take it. I have seen so much, so I don't mind all these things. But there is also a longing for some kind of support or some kind of a blessing or a grace where I feel like, yes, everything is assured or everything is taken care of, you don't have to worry.

So this is exactly the tool and the support I'm going to give you. So this is your antidote to the mind's tricks. The antidote to the mind's tricks. And I realized also in this time many are going through things because of the world situation and all of these things. And the mind is really acting up for many of us, and anxiety, depression, all these things seem to be very, very strong in today's world. But there's a simple way in which you can counteract all the mind strategies, right? Suppose you're very anxious and the body also is feeling a lot of anxiety, stomach pain is there, it wakes you up. You're awake, you know, the mind uses that. The same one who is causing that sleeplessness will say, 'Oh, this is not good for you. You can't lose sleep,' you see? So it plays the game both ways.

So what you have to do is just—so suppose you're awake at 3:30 in the morning, there's nothing to do. What to do? Not getting sleep, you're trying and trying and trying. Just go to your presence. Go to your presence. Rest in your presence. This is your free time with God. Free time with God. And then it is much more restful, much more beneficial than sleep. So what will happen then is that if you were to decide then, 'Okay, this was so beautiful, I stayed with God for three hours today till the whole play of the world started picking up, accelerating, so then I got involved in the world. So I'll make this a habit. I'll wake up every day at 3:30 and I'll do this.' Then what will happen? You will not be able to wake up, you see? So you counteracted that trick of the mind. So whatever it throws at you, your presence can never leave you. So you can always go to it for support.

Every time you feel grasping outward for support, you find this Satguru in your heart and you rest in that, you see? You stay in that. You enjoy the presence, taste it. You have had beautiful insights. So this is not even new for you, you see? So the mind plays a trick thinking you're going to get all caught up and, you know, 'my mind.' Nothing like that. You play the reverse trick. You just say, 'Okay, I'm up at 3:30. I have nothing to do. Three hours with God. Beautiful.' And then what will happen next day? You won't be able to wake up. You'll find this. Then it will say, 'Okay, during work I'm so stressed because I can't think straight. Okay, I'm not able to do work.' Okay, don't do work. Stay with God. Stay with God. So then the mind doesn't know what to do anymore because if it pushes you one way, you go to God, you see? If it doesn't push you, then you're with God anyway naturally. It can sound simple, but try it.

And also, one last thing, my dear. There will be moments where you're fully identified and your anxiety is freaking. Then all of those things will come.

And also, my mind also throws up like when my dad comes at times, I feel I see him, he's also suffering. So I feel that it's like I should help him, you know? I should take him out of that suffering or I should make him come here, something like that. See, it doesn't matter whether he is good with me or nice with me, that is not a thing for me. For me, it is like I should help him. I can't see him suffering like, you know, being trapped with my brother. That is something I really want to help him. How do I really help him that way?

Yeah, I can tell you—I don't mean to sound harsh at all—but that position keeps changing. In eight years, I've heard like a hundred different positions with regards to family. And so now I'm just advising you that whatever actions or inactions have to happen, let them also be God's. You don't get Aparna involved. So if you see your dad and you see that the mind is trying to play tricks with you and say, 'What to do? What not to do?' just take your refuge in your heart. Find your refuge. From there, if some words and actions are coming, that's completely welcome. So refer to the supreme intelligence which is in your heart, not to this provisional sort of tactician and politician in the head, because it just gets all confusing after that. There is no solution which can be offered to these things in life which are conceptual solutions, because you may say, 'Okay, I'm going to try and help my dad in this way.' Maybe he doesn't want your help and then you feel, 'Oh, my dad rejects me and I don't feel so good about life,' you see? So don't try to conceptualize these solutions. Just meet life moment to moment from your heart, and I guarantee you that there is no better way to live. There is no better way to do it. And all this will play out.

I think maybe that is what I am looking for, Father, because I'm really tired of this whole chaos which is going around and probably the mind's thing. And sometimes I try to do the inquiry thing also, and at that point of time it just becomes okay or it just disappears, you know? And then again when it comes back, I don't even know. But yeah, I will use this trick you've given me now.

Mind troubles you, go to God. Your mind is not troubling you, you're with God anyway. So it's God, God, no?

Yeah, that is like... yeah, something is not there. Yeah, it's still telling me now, 'What if your body is shaky at that point of time? How will you be with God?' Still telling the same thing though. Just having your heart that I have to be... I'm learning to do that also, Father, because during that moment the body gets heated up, you know? I feel now also, I feel that I can see that my hands and chest and stomach can all become very numb.

And you know, when you talk years ago also, all kinds of things were happening. Your body was reacting, shouting was coming to happen. So let all that happen. Don't worry. It's all in the same series, all in the side show. You and your heart stay. Don't try to resolve these things. The mind will keep playing them up and say, 'Okay, now you fix this, fix that. Without that, you can't be with God.'

I feel now also I feel that I can see that my hands and chest and stomach can all become very numb. And when you talk years ago also, all kinds of things were happening; your body was reacting, shouting was coming to happen.

So let all that happen. Don't worry. It's all in the same series, all in the sideshow. You and your heart stay. Don't try to resolve these things. The mind will keep playing them up and say, 'Okay, now you fix this, fix that; without that you can't be with God.' There is no precondition to being with God, neither in the state of the body nor in the state of the mind. God is your most intimate presence.

Yeah, the mind is not acting to what you say, but yeah, I know what you're saying. That is why I have come forward, because I knew I could not go anywhere else. The only place I could come and ask you for help. No doctors can fix my problem. No none of my friends or family or anybody could help me with this. Only I can come to you and I'm sure that I know that I can get this fixed. Thank you, Father. Thank you so much.

And just feeling like there's not much life energy here to answer any more questions, but I'm going to allow all of you to unmute yourself. Who would like to say something? And some response appears to that. I'm happy to have you to address that in that way because here I just somehow just feel like some with some hands are up, I just can't say, 'Okay, bye.' So I'm just going to you to unmute yourself and whoever else is feeling something from the heart they want to see, you can share with me and then God can provide the energy if some response has to come.

Hello, Father.

Oh, I cannot hear you.

Hello?

Yes, my dear, I can hear you. I may not sound very good. I can hear you.

Just to share, it's been a bit difficult again. And I know you said it's not—I mean, I know it doesn't have to be always good, but sometimes it's really hard and the state becomes so close and so negative. And yeah, I just want to say that. And even like it makes me feel like hopeless and even don't watch satsang and it's a struggle to come up and all these things. So I just wanted to say that.

What is the meaning? It feels good, yeah, the message that is able to propose to you that 'I'm just stuck and hopeless and nothing will help and I'm just gonna suffer like this forever and I'm really bad and it's my fault.' And when you hear this, you must be checking on: does it feel like too distant? The question to check: who is this one who was not worthy or stuck or any of these things?

I have said before many times with this question and I feel either I'm not doing it right or I don't know, I don't get to any—I feel there's a strong energy of me.

So the trouble I've seen people have with the inquiry is not that they don't do it well enough. Usually, I find that they do it too well. So you have to do it a little more simply than that. Like many have reported to me that 'I can't do the inquiry,' but I notice when I check with them that they're trying too hard and they're trying to see something or something. It's basically a simple question: who is it that is stuck? Because body is not stuck; body is moving, it can walk around. So who is the one that is stuck? Just like a conversation. Let's do the inquiry like a conversation. Don't try anything. It's just somebody says, 'How many people live in your house?' or 'One, two, zero, whatever,' 'Which city you live?' So who is it that's stuck? Actually, trying is not muted, so at least that much we see that we cannot find such a one.

Yes, I just don't know how to answer to this question. I don't—I cannot say I don't find it. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm much in the mind trying to do something. I don't know.

As you said, like something very simple that either you could find it or you couldn't find it. And you had to pick one, which one would you pick? If the question itself is that difficult, then it cannot be that natural for us to say 'I am stuck' because who is stuck? 'Oh, I don't know.' But when it comes, it comes so authoritatively: 'I am stuck, I am stuck.' But then the response to 'Who is that?' or 'There is an I that is for certain, but I can't find it.' But that I which is that I which you are does not conform to any ideas of the mind. So the I that you are finding yourself to be has no way to get stuck. So let me see if I can introduce you to this in some way. You are aware of this hand, the perception of this hand. Can that be stuck? Are there two or three of you sitting there inside?

No, but it's somehow I don't find this you who is—I know it's me perceiving the hand, but I don't know, I cannot—I don't feel it or know it, know about it to say that it's not possible to be stuck.

Very good. Okay, so let's look further now. What would you have to see to be able to say that 'I did find it'? Would you want to see an image of yourself or you want to have an argument? Yeah, what would convert?

I remember, I remember probably I'm comparing to—I remember a time in satsang where it was so clear and easy, like I could just see that I am like a space, kind of like a space, and I cannot be stuck because I have no substance to be stuck. So now it doesn't feel like that. Like I cannot recognize this space or something.

Simpler than that. Yeah, somebody asks you, 'What do you see in front of you in your room?' You don't look and you say, 'Okay, oh, yesterday I saw that in my room.' You can look fresh. So let's forget about all the previous experiences, all the previous. Now we're just keeping it very simple. You are aware of this perception of this hand. See, that is pretty much undeniable. Now this you, how are you aware of it? What is its shape? Maybe it's just like a sense of being here, a sense. And who is aware of that sense? If it was between you and Madolina and Satyam and Sneza, who is aware of that? Now this you, how are you able to confirm? Is it an image that you see of you? As simple as possible here. If you make it difficult, it will become difficult. Just like a little child. If I was asking a small child, five-year-old child, 'Are you aware of seeing this hand?' 'Yes.' 'Do you see that you? Do you see that?' 'But yes, you don't see, but...' 'But what happened?' 'But I know it. I don't know, I know it in a way like...'

That's it! That's it! You see? Now your mind will try to confuse that simple statement: 'I don't see it, but I know it.' Do you have to—do you know it like a thought? You know it? No. You see? So neither do you see it perceptually, nor do you have to think about it. It is some other type of learning. Now is there anything else that you know in this way without having to see it, perceive it in any way, or think about it? Is there anything else you know in this way?

I don't know. I want to say no, but I don't know.

This is the only thing that you know—'thing' quote-unquote thing—that you can know actually in this way, and this is the only true knowing. So that which the mind just neglects because the mind doesn't understand what you mean when you say 'I just know it.' You see, it has no way to capture that sort of insight. See if you can just stay with that knowing. See, rely on that knowing more than any other mental mode, even if the words sound absurd to you. Happy to see that it's quite amazing you can know something without having to perceive or without having to think. That is self-knowledge.

But is this the same as what Guruji says is 'I am' or is different?

This knowing is aware even of the sense of being, isn't it? Now I say, if I say to you, 'Try to stop being,' you'll notice a presence like an 'I am' presence or beingness. Even that you are aware of, isn't it? So this is what he says when he says 'Before I am.' Awareness. What is the way to know yourself as pure awareness?

There's just so much from the mind, like all all these like so complaining and like disturbing, like I can't focus on this. Yeah, even on the present sometimes it feels—

Self-discovery, self-knowledge makes no demands on our attention. So even if attention is all over the place, it's so dissipated everywhere, now you are aware of the perception of those or not? But that to find that you, did you have to use your attention? Because attention is limited. To confirm that it is you and not Madolina, did you have to use your attention? No. See, it's more natural than that. Isn't that so cool? That's the best part about this, that no tools are needed. So let attention go wherever it wants. Who is aware of them? It is you. How is that known? You just know it. That 'just know it' is actually exclusive to self-knowledge.

And then what comes now is like, how can I use this recognition to not suffer anymore? Like something feels, yeah, but I'm still gonna suffer. What can I—how can I—I don't know.

Suffering is only possible if you take yourself to be anything other than this you that you're just recognizing intuitively in your heart. It is very simply recognizing it now. If you take yourself to be something other than that, because it is a lie, it is inbuilt with something. Now is the you that you are discovering in this way, is that one afraid of the suffering?

I don't think I discovered it fully because I can't say this. Like when you ask me, 'Is it me that I perceive the hand?' Yes. 'But is this suffering?' I cannot say, like I feel—

Stay with that in the same place where you recognize that it is you. Don't try to force the answer in your head. Don't try to force yourself to see something. Just easy. It's true and easy. Don't worry about anything. If you're making effort, you're doing too much. Just to pure innocence. Then if the answer doesn't come, it's okay. Same place intuitively some answer may appear. It is not the answer which is so important; it is just that you get used to looking intuitively. That is the point of the whole invitation. It is not that Guruji is concerned about the answer. No, no, no, no. He's just getting us used to looking into. And then the mind says, 'Oh, you're not getting it, you don't see it, it's not this.' Okay, and then I get confused. You cannot deny that you are aware of this hand, isn't it?

Yeah.

The mind can keep saying whatever. It's okay. Don't worry about the mind's judgments. Can you allow all judgments to come from me? If there are any judgments, as a good teacher I should be able to judge you well, isn't it? I was saying that as a good teacher you can allow me to have the judgments about you which are relevant. And if you say, 'I'm going to teach you about this, I'm going to point you to this,' then just take the judgments which I give you. Don't bother about any other judgments coming from anywhere. Make sense? Check these. Isn't it the same looking when I ask you, 'Are you aware now?' Don't you know about your awareness or yourself as awareness in the same way without having to use your perception or your mind? Try it. Try to check. Are you aware now? Same intuitive insight. So my judgment is that you're doing very well and one moment of this insight is so pristine that this whole human life is blessed. Thank you all so much for being in satsang today. Thank you.