How Am I Serving God Now? - 31st January 2024

And is it constrictive? Is it...

It's like a choking sensation.

Yes. And who's getting choked by it? Huh? You are? Tell me about that.

Water, yes.

So this choking sensation in your throat, who is getting affected by it? Who is it hurting? Is there pain with it?

There's no pain with it.

So it's just a choking sensation. So, so what's caught in the chokehold? What's caught there?

Sometimes I feel like I can't swallow. That whole... very scary.

So that's what we're seeing through now. Just...

It's very, it's very scary to not be able to swallow.

Yeah. So right now there's a choking sensation and what else? Stay with it. Don't worry, I'm with you.

We normally... this just... I'm not like conscious.

Okay, that's why I'm reminding you. There's a choking sensation and some giddiness. But if I breathe normally, it may be... of course, it's okay. That's what we're trying to see also together. And for those who are wondering, this is what led to the exercise, not the outcome of the exercise. In very subtle ways, the mind can bring us to a dizzy... you know, I can just like... and we don't realize, but actually it's just trying to scare us. So I was trying to introduce you all to the depth of the power of breath. It's connected to all the layers of your existence.

Why does it scare me when you talk about this?

Just because you have memory of whatever happened earlier in the car and things like that.

So how do I get out of that?

It's only by looking like this. Definitely not by following your mind. Yes. So maybe the simplest way could be just when it tries to bring you into this fearful state, just breathe.

No, no, but I don't want to. Why can't I just let it be?

Because apparently you've just been letting it be and this is what happens. Like if you're talking about the physical breath, of course it's a bodily function, but the breath that you met hopefully in the exercise, it's very, very primal with the being itself. No, it's a source of all Prana, all life energy. Everything comes from there.

This struggling feeling, I like... because it could be because of shortness of breath. Deep... so they could be as you having the Kundalini and chakras and all that, that could lead to some like the body tremors. But if it is almost like a panic state, no?

So what happens in my case is naturally coming, right? My mind interprets because I have this whole thing with the body, that I have something wrong. Because before I didn't have a problem with it, but now the body starts to like... I don't want to hold, I don't want to do anything, I just want to sit because I'm feeling so shaky. It interprets and that leads to... yeah, this.

So just when you start feeling shaky, like we said the other day, when you start getting shaky, just gently breathe. Because your fear, in the way that the mind uses that fear to make you panic, it doesn't want you to deepen in your Kundalini. It doesn't want you to deepen in your spiritual experiences. So it's trying to divert you into this kind of...

Constantly trying, yes. My attention is just on this as soon as I go in. It's just...

Then you'll be scared to meet the Divinity within. That's why I'm saying that instead of letting it scare you, when you start feeling like something is coming like that, breathe. Very different, no? It's very good. Good change, everyone. You're bored of hearing, but I also saw a lot of... it wasn't always... a lot of it wasn't always... wasn't always a lot. Say it.

I said the word horror, but it's not like horror like that. But like not, not, not like a nice...

It was just the immense beauty which you began with, but also some like darkness. Wasn't it? Because we went on an exploration which is very, very deep in terms of to our innermost recesses, so to speak. So you may have a lot of things festering somewhere, and in that case it may be helpful to just do this every once in a while, is to do the cleanup. I kept saying, 'Allow it to clean up, allow it to release.' It's also like some... there could be some emotional thing, there could be some memory, there could be some conditions which are not like the mind is language, but sometimes it's so subtle that we can't place the words. Just that festers within. Good to release. Some fears may be there, some memories of past. Some of you may be scared to even close your eyes.

So I felt like there's like a hole in the heart. Not like a physical hole, like a doorway. So which can just exit from there. I don't know why, it was like a feeling.

So going back to what had happened with the... basically the mind found a way to create doubt in relation to this beautiful tool and it caused a lot of, a lot of pain. Um, but the blessing of it was it forced me to go deeper for refuge. Because before I used to go to the breath and try to find some kind of relief and some physical release. But because it had captured and created so much doubt and fear around the essence of life, it almost... it did drive deeper. And I, I remember one thing also, that the breathing through the nose part of it was just 0.1%. It is a starting point. The whole thing is not dependent on that. After that, the body itself is irrelevant. But at the time when the doubt happened, it got so latched onto the 0.1% that it took over everything.

This is how the mind works, yes. To tell you that the most irrelevant is the most relevant and then says, 'It's over with your stuff,' and tries to put you into a sort of mindset where you feel like something is wrong or I have to fix it. So unfair. It could be anything. And I, I can't say with integrity, although a part of me feels it's true, like this presence is untouched by even... it's, it's prior to the breath, of course. Of course. And, and the refuge I felt was in noticing that yes, it's beyond all, all worldly things. This is just a tool on offer. It is not... if it is God that you want, there are a million ways to get to Him. I've been saying the method is secondary; it is the intention which is important. It can't be like you spend your whole life longing for God and God is saying, 'No, you got a deviated septum, sorry, can't happen.' Can't be like that. My biological son is like... noticeable physical deviated septum. He can barely breathe from his nose at all. And, uh, I can understand what you go through, but, um, it is not, not a prerequisite to God, at least. So don't believe the thought. You can't say, 'Okay, now my framework is I'm believing the thought.' Yeah.

With the exercise, it doesn't work in the room, it's only for the Zoom, the mic. Okay, okay. So, uh, with the exercise, uh, I felt a different me. So I'm wondering who is this? This was a tanty guy who always wants just to solve everything. That's how the questions always come here in satsang, elsewhere also. I just want to resolve everything. I will know this, I will solve this, and this also at the same time. Now with the exercise in your presence, it is not so me, but elsewhere it is me fully. But I can clearly see that this is not me also. But who or what is this which is entire my life I have been going with this thinking it is me and getting into a lot of trouble? This just I was wondering.

So the point of satsang is to introduce you to how your whole life can be. So many of you very sweetly say that it's much easier in the presence of satsang, it's much easier when we are here. But the idea is not for it to become like temporary medicine that you take when you visit here. It is to introduce you to how your being, how you can be all of the time. Because nothing actually is coming from outside of you, even though it may seem that you are in a satsang hall. Everything that you experience today also was from within you itself. That's why we started by saying that all these sensations, even the street and the sounds outside, the fan, everything are just sensations within yourself. We used to say often that you cannot send your attention outside of your being. Your attention is just navigating your own being, you see? So you come here, so it's like you visit an aspect of your being which is the alarm clock, which is the reminder to remind you that you can live like this. Huh? No woo-woo stuff is coming from Ananta to you. It's all coming from your own heart. This instrument is just a servant of your own heart. So whatever you are experiencing is coming from that Satguru presence within. And it is important. What happens when you come here is that you allow yourself to experience that. You allow yourself to experience that. And if you allow yourself to experience that anywhere that you are, it will start to deepen more and more. So if you were to feel like you're in the satsang hall wherever you are already, your life will be transformed. Yes. Because true satsang is the company of the Satguru within. The Atma is within yourself, and in the light of the Atma this whole world deeply is seen. But it is designed in such a way that it seems so real, this outer play. But hopefully today you also notice that your inner realms are much bigger than this outer realm. This outer realm is just surface-level waves. There's so much depth to you. There's so much depth that is unfathomable to the mind. All is coming from within yourself. But you must dedicate your entire life to God's light. Then you will see more and more that wherever you are, His light is more and more apparent. But if it remains in the realm of self-help and 'How is this helping me?', then it'll be surface level. A little bit of relief when you come here, then back again to the worldly ways, then relief when you come back again. Are you willing to dedicate your life to God and make it for God? If that is true, then then these spatial boundaries will not always be that important. And that doesn't mean that you negate it too quickly and you say, 'No, no, but it's all from within me, so I don't need...'

It is more and more apparent, but if it remains in the realm of self-help and 'how is this helping me?' then it'll be surface level. A little bit of relief when you come here, then back again to the worldly ways, then relief and you come back again. Are you willing to dedicate your life to God and make it for God? If that is true, then these spatial boundaries will not always be that important. And that doesn't mean that you negate it too quickly and you say, 'No, no, but it's all from within me, so I don't need to come to satsang.' The mind will try to use it that way. Use it as long as it is available. Who knows how long it's available anyway?

Father, you said something about like energy sensations. Energy sensation, yeah. Is it like different from physical sensation?

Yeah, in a sense all are phenomenal, but if you are to categorize them, they can seem different. How we would say, like, pain is different from anger, anger is different from anxiety, anxiety is different from joy, notionally. Because people say, you know, at some place, 'Oh, energy was like that,' and I never feel that. So it's good also; it's simpler like that. Otherwise, we can have trouble sometimes. Sober is simple.

I was just saying that the mind is very like a cause-and-effect for that. Like if he slaps you, slap him back. And the heart is like turn the other cheek. And so, opposite behavior in every way. So you have to avoid what the mind is saying?

Ignore, yes. Let go of what the mind is saying. And also be careful of the trick where the mind will tell you that if the mind is saying this, then you must do the opposite. You must not automatically do the opposite, you see. You must wait to be guided by your heart. What I'm saying is, like you said, the mind is always 'slap back' and the heart is 'turn the cheek'—usually true, but we don't have to presume what the heart will guide us in that moment, you see. We have to wait and allow the heart to move us or to guide us in that moment because you don't know. In that moment, the heart may say slap back. We don't know, really. So we can't put it in a box, you see.

The mind, the heart, exactly.

So the heart may say fight, or the heart may say turn the other cheek, which we can fairly predict that usually that will be the response, but we can't say 100%. And that is why it is important to be completely out of moves for ourselves and allow our heart to move us. Because many times we get in trouble, especially seemingly spiritual people get in trouble, because they presume what would be the right way, what would be God's way. But we can't presume. We have to wait. Wait and be guided. Thank you. And what happens, why we end up presuming, is because we want resolution. Like he was saying, we want a quick resolution. We want to know how to solve it, what is the right thing to do. But with God, it takes patience. The way to God is not for those who can't be patient. So first we have to learn patience, and then we can be with God. The mind will always say, 'But I'm telling you the heart will say this, the heart will do this,' so then that becomes a spiritual position. So it becomes a mental spirituality that 'this is what spiritual people would do, this is the right thing to do.' But truly, truly spiritual, they don't know. They have to follow God's will moment to moment.

The question I have is related to positive states of being, and it's a broad spectrum. I think most of maybe what I've asked in the last few years, or what I mostly spend time on, is how do we live in presence so we don't suffer and all that. And like last maybe 10, 15 days, there's been a lot of joy coming out of different events. But they also tending to go into presence, not to keep it, keep the joy tempered, but I don't know, something is automatically happening that don't get too carried away, especially in things that are very externally dependent. And so it's massively diminished if I compare it to the person with the same news two years ago. But I miss that guy at some level. I'm saying it in a light way. But the consequence of that is from a day-to-day living standpoint is, you know, I lead a company and before I would give some jing-bang motivational speech to the team and all of that. I just stopped doing that because the honest assessment today is that my past self was making them drink the Kool-Aid that my mind was making me drink, and now I'm not able to do that. It is okay. They actually don't seem to have a problem, so it's very relaxing in that way for everybody. Nobody's drinking any Kool-Aid. But I guess the question that is emerging is, it's a very comfortable place and leading a company, especially when I interact with my investors, they've also seen a change. The fire... they've also calmed down, I think in some level through contagion maybe. But I'm not able to set these so-called random growth goals and this that. It's become like, I'll work hard, what I do is interesting, but I'm not going to put some flag out there that I have to chase. So it, yeah, it's just, I don't mean it's a problem, but do you have anything to say in terms of this motivation to go maximize your potential and all that jazz? Or I'm actually okay where I am?

Sounds good to me. Sounds good. I can relate to this, yeah. So what happened from here is that mostly those meetings, like review meetings and things, end up being about what can we learn, what is, for example, happening in technology or something, which still is not very rajasic and things like that. Because you're right that it becomes very difficult to say, 'This worldly thing is so important that it is life and death and everything depends on it. We must make it this way, otherwise there's no future.' All this kind of rubbish we used to talk. So it becomes next to impossible to speak like that, and there's no reason why you have to force yourself to do that.

The second part of I'm just exploring the positive emotions is, let's say, you know, my son did really well in his exams and like, how do you feel, for example, when Kabir has... well, that never happens, no, no, not exams, anything. Anything. Doesn't have to be family, but the so-called joy, joy in another's joy.

The other day surprised me, at least I didn't know, Ria knew, but he said that he's done this podcast and I was so happy, you know? I just felt so happy and I just enjoyed watching it. I haven't followed football closely for a few years, but I saw the whole thing twice. And so there's a natural functioning of the love that I shared and the joy that I shared with that. And there was a feeling of a lot of love and seeing him, he's a big cutie teddy bear anyway, so it was very sweet to see that it can happen very naturally.

Something other than that, yeah. So in fact, I used to tell the Sangha when he was going that I don't know how I will do it because I felt like I have the Atma-level attachment to him, like I don't know how I'll let him go and study. So there it seems a lot more natural because it feels like there's joy in others' joy. But in some of the other joys where I can smell the 'me,' that taste has begun to taste very different. And initially I was thinking, 'Oh, is this a new kind of checker guy who's now checking on joy?' But it doesn't seem like that. It seems like some very autonomic regulatory thing that is just working on its own. I don't feel that there's an external agent who is stopping me or checking too much.

Yeah, we don't have to put everything in some spiritual construct and the right kind of spirituality, yeah. Thanks.

Mind and heart. How do you know when there's a difference? Because sometimes it can get confusing, right? How do you know when it's coming from the heart and when it's coming from the mind?

It's going to be confusing, and the mind will try its best to confuse you. So what do you do? So what happens, like one is to observe the process of thinking, right? So if you were to pay attention to the perception in front of you and to think right now, what would happen? Have you observed? Try to do it. Try to just be attentive with the world around you and also think. What happened? Can you point out? Don't worry, there's no right or wrong answer.

This feels like scattered. Scattered, no, a bit diffused.

Because what happens is that, so suppose I'm looking at you and then I'm also trying to think at the same time, then your face will get blurry. It will get diffused, right? So that's what. So the looking at the world is what I call pure perception, uninterpreted, not involved in language, not involved in any of that. So that is pure perception. So one simple tool is this: so if you're just going with your heart, it doesn't interrupt pure perception. Like these words are happening now, all this speaking is happening, but the words are coming from my heart. So my attention can completely be with you, you see? But if I was to think and have this conversation, as most conversations in the world are, then people are hardly with each other, you see? Because they're mostly in the mind saying, 'What am I going to say next?' They're preempting the next question and trying to formulate the answer for that, you see?

So in satsang we get introduced to a new way of engaging with each other. We can completely be with each other and yet the words can come, you see? And all that needless thinking, fruitless thinking that we were involved in—planning our next move, doing this and that—we realize it's not so important at all because the right words come. And it's so beautiful to live like this because I'm hearing these words fresh as well. I have no idea what the next sentence is going to be, but I'm completely with you and these words are flowing out, you see? So it's a very different way of life where it's not scattered, like you said, it's not diffused. Attention is not distracted in so many ways. So most people are ignoring this beautiful world because they're living in the mind. God's beautiful creation, every frame is unique and we'll never meet it again, but we don't notice this movie at all. We are living mostly thinking about what to say next, 'Why is this? Why is that?'

So that may be a simple tool to start with. Then as you deepen, you notice that as your heart is guiding you, there's a presence of an unconditional love, you see? And the mind is completely different. When the mind is really pushing you, it is grasping, saying, 'I want this, I don't want this.' So desire, aversion, grasping, rushing, authoritativeness—all those are symptoms of the mind. And the heart guides you; presence of an unconditional love. There's no rush, you see? The heart is not rushing you, it's not pushing you. So that is another tool. As you deepen in this, then as you deepen even further, you notice that there is that Atma within you, the presence within you which is guiding you, and you can palpably tell that this guidance is coming from the Atma within, from the Satguru presence within, the Holy Spirit within, you see? So you notice that it's coming from there, and when you see it is coming from there, then you cannot doubt where it is coming from because the mind cannot pretend that much.

So that is another tool. Then the most foolproof—and we'll get there, this is only your second satsang—but we'll get to that point where you notice your Nirguna reality, which is attributeless. Recognition of who you really are, the Absolute reality, the Self. And as that is apparent to you and guidance comes, then you're fully in your heart because you cannot be intuitive and mental at the same time. We are very limited in our human condition. So because the Nirguna recognition of who we are has to be purely intuitive, it cannot be mental. To the mind, attributeless is just notional. There's no reality to that. The mind cannot fathom that, the mind cannot grasp that. But you will recognize that about yourself, what your true nature is, like we did in the exercise also for a moment or two. So when that remains apparent, then you know.

Your heart, because you cannot be intuitive and mental at the same time. You're very limited in our human condition. So, because the Nirguna recognition of who we are has to be purely intuitive, it cannot be mental. To the mind, attributeless is just notional; there's no reality to that. The mind cannot fathom that; the mind cannot grasp that. But you will recognize that about yourself—what your true nature is—like we did in the exercise also for a moment or two. So, when that remains apparent, then you know that you're being intuitive and not mental. But it starts with the more simple and then deepens in depth as you go along and such. And also, it's a lifelong project. See, I don't feel like anybody can ever come to a point to say that I only always follow the Atma's voice within. So, all of us will continue to fall for the mind from time to time because the mind will pose very well. That, too, some of those who have been in satsang for a long time will also hear the mind like they are hearing my voice. It will pretend like, 'My child is like this,' trying to get the mannerisms also. So, it's a big con artist. He'll try. But the good news is that as long as your intention is to follow the truth and to follow God's light, God will take care of even those times that you've been fooled by the mind. So, it is our intention that counts more than anything else. Do we wish to truly follow God's will moment to moment? And if we do, and if our mind is fooling us, God will still take care of you. But we can't fake it. We can't just say, 'Yes, yes, I want to follow God's will,' but you know you can't hide from yourself, forget about hiding from God. God is actually a living being who knows every breath that anyone has ever taken, every heartbeat that has ever beat. So, there's no question of hiding or fooling him or just saying that, 'Oh yes, yes, I intended to do like that,' but actually we know in our heart what the truth is. It's not scary. I'm not trying to make it like Big Brother watching you all the time. Not scary like that, and yet it is true. But it's lucky for us that he's the most loving, compassionate, merciful being.

Just an observation on Maharaj's book, 'I Am That.' Just reading that, you know, few pages every day, the flavor of that satsang seems very different than what is happening here, and it's fascinating. One is the questioners are very intense, and second, he's also very intense. I just wanted to know how what your journey was while you were reading that book.

Yeah, so when I came across it, it just felt like I got a treasure, you see, because it was answering every question that was here. So, this is one of the rare books that I finished and then restarted immediately. I feel like before that was 'The Power of Now,' which I read like that—that I finished and then I started immediately. I was at some NASSCOM conference which was really boring, so I finished 'Power of Now' and restarted it again at the conference itself. So, yeah, it was beautiful. But also, I've talked about the fact that it was frustrating because his usual guidance was to be with the sense 'I am,' and I felt like I have no sense of the sense 'I am.' Like, I knew it conceptually, intellectually, that there is a being here, but I could not—it was not something I could be with, you see, because I couldn't find this being. So, that part of it was very frustrating for sure. But it rang very true to my heart, like it rang really true. So, that's why I was stuck badly in the sense that you just want it so deeply and yet it frustrates you also deeply. So then your ego gets badly stuck. So, my ego was getting stuck over there. So yeah, that was my experience. The choppiness of it, I quite enjoy it. Everybody enjoys it when it's happening to someone else; nobody likes it when it's happening to us. When we are getting chopped, it's not as much fun. Yes, this was the book that was absolutely wonderful. You wanted to walk around with it for a long time.

I walked around with it for a long time. This is true, this is true. And also, I don't know, you got some copies or we got some copies from somewhere, and I used to gift it to people because I felt like there is no greater gift to give. This was before I met Guruji, so I felt like this is the best gift to give someone. And I'm sure I troubled this one also a lot: 'Who are you?' So much gratitude to Maharaj for that. And it's true that when you turn to God and you're longing for him, then he gives you the tools. He gives you the tools; somehow they show up. Somehow the right book comes, somehow the right video shows up. If you all look at how you ended up coming here, that itself will show you.

Yes, of course. A lot of that. I did the workbook, chapters one to fifty, some five times and never went beyond that. Yeah, then you leave it after some time, then you say, 'Start again from the beginning.' And the title is kind of strange, no? Because you feel like, 'I don't know what kind of book is it, a course and going to teach you some sort of magic or something?' Like, it's only about coming to the Atma within, the Holy Spirit, and it's all about letting go of the egoic mind.

I have a more question, kind of what you alluded to, like when you were reading and you know, maybe your interaction as partners, you might have said, 'Who are you?' and stuff like that. Like when a friend is going through something difficult or my child is going through something difficult, I almost never take that route because I think, I don't know, I don't have the confidence that it will work. Yeah, maybe more disruptive, I feel. That's just an observation, and I don't know if that's true or not. Although the intuition is to just start speaking what is really coming up, but then because I don't do that, I don't do the other as well, which is the pointless appeasement or giving into the other person's—I don't want to call it tantrum because they are suffering—but you know, it's this confusing space. You want to be compassionate, and I can feel the compassion, but I can't do the BS anymore. The other one seems to be maybe too steep and may backfire. Like, I gave a friend the book, one of Maharaj's books, and he almost—he's a very close friend I've known him for thirty years—almost threw it back at me.

I think you are that. It's a tough one. You know, the thing is, at least even if I'm not saying that we must always only give that as a gift or something like that, I'm just saying that if it came from your heart, then we can't really judge the outcome now. Yeah, but so your friend may somewhere, something, God heed that he's not what he thinks he is, or she is not what she thinks she is. Coming to God makes things simple, but they don't—it doesn't necessarily make things easy. Simple in the sense that the choice is clear: heart or head. But by following your heart doesn't mean everything is going to always turn out to be great, hunky-dory. It's not a cheat code or a siddhi or something like that. And the lives of the sages are testimony to that. Very few—I can't recall any, actually—who had an easy life because they came to God for good. One says, 'Father, my nervous system is a wreck lately, and when I inquire, contemplate, meditate, etc., it gets worse. A feeling that my brain spins. I don't know what to do.' To whatever method you're using, if you're doing it for God's sake so that you can be in God's presence, then that will always turn out to be auspicious. Your mind will fight it, of course, with all its might. It'll try to make you scared. It'll say, 'You're going to die if you keep going like this.' All kinds of fears will come. But if you're truly doing it because you're longing to live in God's light, then only Grace can unfold from there. You must make sure that our sadhana is truth for truth's sake, God for God's sake, and not any other benefit. Because every other rider we attach to it which is personal, the mind will one day use that to attack you. The checker guy, the one who says, 'No, no, but it's not working anymore.'

So one child told me, 'Help me because the inquiry stopped working for me.' So I said to her, 'How is it possible that the inquiry doesn't work? It has to work. When you ask yourself who you are, it is bound to—if you're asking sincerely, it is bound to bring you to a deeper recognition.' She says, 'No, I used to earlier, when I used to inquire, I would become peaceful and happy very fast, you see, and my mind would become still. And now when I inquire, the mind doesn't become still. I'm not peaceful, I'm not happy.' So then that's where I noticed that we can use the tools for spiritual experiences or for spiritual sightseeing, but then it is important to really remember what was the question. The question is: who are you? The question is: who are you? 'Who am I?' is not an instrument just to get a peace. That may come as a byproduct, but if it becomes only about the byproduct, then one day the mind itself will say, 'See, it doesn't work. Leave it, it doesn't work.' But who are you? Isn't it absurd that we go through our whole human life—most of our brothers and sisters will go through their entire life without really ever getting a sense of who they really are? And they don't even live as if they are the body. They may believe that they are the body, but if they just lived as if they were the body, then ninety percent of the troubles you won't have, you see. Of your last ten problems, how many are about the body? Very few. Unless, of course, you're at a stage where the body is giving a lot of trouble and all of these things, and everything seems to be about the body. But usually it's about relationships. Like, I feel like ninety percent can go there. Ninety percent of trouble is relationships. Then the remaining—in the remaining ten percent, ninety percent is about security, money, future, all of these kind of things. Then little bit. The body is actually a very simple, innocent instrument; it is much maligned for no reason. And we don't really believe that we are the body, at least all of you don't, because why would you come to satsang? You don't come to satsang for a better body. So, who are you?

This, no, she does want the relationship. What the true relationship with pain has to be perceived in this human condition? We will perceive it. It is a perception which is inevitable in the human condition. To make a relationship with it is to make suffering out of it.

You don't have a relationship with pain. Do you have? You don't have a relationship with pain.

I have at times, and those are the times when I suffer. And when you walk me through what happens when pain appears...

Yeah, so if physical pain appears, it is allowed to be. If it is emotional pain, which already actually means that some thought is getting mixed into it—some idea of righteousness, some idea of unfairness, something is getting mixed into it where it can—where just a mild sensation that we call an emotion can actually overwhelm our life. It can't happen just with the mild sensation itself. Have you noticed how even the most...

Yes, yes, but some idea has to be there for it to become like central in that at that time, you see.

Like without an idea, pain is actually very mild, something like a constriction. But then when the mind comes and says, 'That's so unfair, this is not right,' you get into that righteousness, that is when we make—truly we suffer from emotional pain or suffering. So to accept, to allow it to come and go is the key to not allow pain to become suffering.

So how to make a relationship with pain? Like what would be the mechanics of creating a relationship with pain? This is pain. Then my question was, I get lost in the pain or something like that. Maybe the word relationship is not the right word, but I meant to ask what happens to you when pain appears.

Yes, when pain appears, most times it's allowed to just be and let go. Mostly I'm sitting in silence and all of that. But there are times where the mind comes and says, 'But, but, something, something.' I get caught in that, and then that's how I suffer, and I cause those around me to suffer, same as anyone else. Is there any other way to...

I get lost in the pain or something like that. Maybe the word relationship is not the right word, but I meant to ask: what happens to you when pain appears? Yes, when pain appears, most of the time it's allowed to just be and let go. Mostly I'm sitting in silence and all of that, but there are times where the mind comes and says, 'But, but, something, something.' I get caught in that, and then that's how I suffer and I cause those around me to suffer, same as anyone else. Is there any other way to create a relationship with that?

It's not a relationship. It's not a relationship. The only relationship which is organic is that it's perceived. It is so. I don't know whether you're referring to the perception of pain as an appearance as a relationship, but if that is also counted as a relationship, then yes, it is inevitable that pain is perceived in the human condition. So, what would be emotional pain? That which the mind uses—the emotion—as the evidence of its righteousness or that it knows something.

Tying to emotion, yeah. It's just like some grief can come, some sadness can come, some grief can come and it's allowed to just flow through. It's very important. But if we get our mind involved, it then becomes something else entirely. Almost with the pain, yes, but we must let go of our thoughts, yes. And that's a project; that's the lifelong project. Anything too much so.

Over the past few days, pain has been a topic of exploration and I just wanted to check. Like you were talking about how grief will come, how certain things will come, pain. And it appears that even stripped of the label, even if you don't label it pain, there is some kind of seeming quality. I don't want to say it's an actual quality because the seemingness of it in presence does seem to dissolve in the substance. But what is that substance?

What is the substance? The substance is Consciousness. The only substance is Consciousness, you see. And all appearances within this Consciousness, made up of Consciousness, have like a qualitative taste to them, you see. So you taste them and they seem like they are different things. So when we experience joy, it tastes different. When we experience pain, it tastes different. When we experience anger, it tastes different. So all this is the variety of life, but the substance behind each of these is Consciousness.

And would you say that if one is blessed to have God's grace and abide in presence, does the seeming quality begin to diffuse? And it's not that I want pain to go away, but just out of curiosity, if it is an illusion and it's all Consciousness, over time doesn't pain and pleasure begin to kind of become just the raw experience that has no differentiation between each other?

Yes, it becomes very raw, but the rawness doesn't take away its qualitative taste, you see. In fact, you may experience it in the moment with much more vibrancy because you're not half in the mind, half something else.

Sensation? Well, not... let's call it phenomenal, because what is physical is just a category within the phenomenon. So when we experience emotion, can we really call them physical? Can we, like... then if it is purely physical, then a doctor should be able to pull out those molecules from the body, you know, the body, yeah, separate the body from...

Yeah. So what I'm usually asking you to do is to tell me what you are perceiving and to describe that perception, and not explain or interpret the perception, because in that seemingly simple process, we've already gone too far in the narrative. So what you are experiencing, directly perceiving in this moment, is never too much for you to handle. But when it gets mixed with the interpretation and the limited 'me' gets involved, you see, when the limited 'me' gets involved, then it can seem too much because 'me' is limited. Your being is unlimited. So I guarantee you that whatever you're experiencing, whatever any of us is experiencing at the moment, it is not really too much for the being to accept that or to manage that.

Very basic, but you have license for the next week or two because when you go through the death of a loved one or something like that, like you're going through, don't push yourself too hard. Because what may end up happening is that your mind may try to use spiritual knowledge to sort of repress the grief and not allow you to experience that fully.

So you're saying where that there is a qualitative taste that remains and kind of like... I'm going to reason here and so...

Yeah, I'll give you an example. So I went to Pune and my sister-in-law is a doctor, so she made us have vitamin B12 and vitamin D3 injections. So, I don't know if you can call this one free or not, but the pain did feel like pain in the injection, yeah. So in the pure perception of a sight, in the pure perception of something out there, some object, and there's no real relation, it's pure perception. That's a qualitative somethingness. Like in the pure perception of pain, it's also a qualitative somethingness. So it's there, but there is no engagement with it from that position.

Yeah, so if you mean by engagement, you mean no interpretation of it or no pushing it away or no attraction towards it?

Yes, that makes that allowing, that acceptance then, and that spaciousness. When not used as a tactic to be able to manage it, to be able to deal with it, but truly met empty, it is much more acceptable. This is much more met with openness, whatever the experience may be. Most important is that to remember that Maya is a great forgetting of God. It is a great forgetting of God's presence, of God's reality. Is God palpable for you now? Is God real for you now? Yes or no? Stay silent. There's nothing more or more important to resolve than this. First resolve this, then everything else. Where is God right now? Is it just a concept for you where you can say, 'Oh yes, He's everywhere,' or can you report directly from inside that He is here? And if God is forgotten, then even the conversation of satsang becomes self-help, and self-help doesn't work for self-discovery. The only concession we may make is to say truth is the same as God.

Understand, having glimpses of God, do we help them at all? Do we help people at all the same way? Because what we take to be true is naturally what we spread. We can't help it. So if our faith is true, then we will spread God even without wanting to. You may want to sit in silence, never want to share anything with anyone, but Grace finds a way to use you. But if primary for you is the idea of 'me', the notion of ego, then you may be the greatest spiritual teacher in the world on the highest pedestal, but that's what you'll end up spreading. So we only have to be concerned with what is true here for ourselves. How that translates into the lives of those around us is up to His grace. We can never predict that. If you see a movie that changes your life, do you keep it to yourself? You'll spread it, no? You share it with your friends. You'll say, 'I know this type of movies you don't like, but still try this one.' So if you're truly being transformed by God, the spreading of it will happen naturally. So where is God now?

This report... my mind is telling not to share, but still something is urging me to just bring it in front of you. Yesterday we spoke about when the mind is trying to... the witnessing thing, right? The mind is trying to come in. You said that you have to make effort and practice, right? Only then when the real scenario comes in, it'll be easy, because that time only prayers will help. So something shifted after you spoke. I've been practicing this mind witnessing, this mind thing, and today morning after I did my morning meditations—that you know, waking up to God—I was going to office. Somehow I felt like again I'm going to the battlefield. But while I was going, then after some time, instead of a battlefield, the perception changed to a football ground. So it is not war anymore. I was like, 'Wow, this is nice.' And suddenly the opponents were not people attacking me or trying to kill me, but rather players trying to play the game.

Yeah, depends on which team, but it's okay.

Yeah, the context changed completely. I started laughing whenever somebody is trying to, you know, trying to attack. No, it's not attack, it's just trying to play the game, right? I'm like...

Dribble past you.

Yeah, I'm just laughing. I was like... but still, first half score was one-zero. The mind won, you know? It was like a walkover and I just lost it like bad. And then second half, I was like, till evening, one-one. When I came in here, I thought I'm going to win because I'm coming to satsang. Guess what? Five minutes, the mind won because I judged somebody. I judged somebody sitting here. And so I was just making up this kind of like a game in my head, like how many red cards did I get or how many yellow cards did I get? And then suddenly, because when I spoke to you yesterday I was very scared, and now the fear is gone. It's just the situations are exactly the same. From fear and crying and victim game—'Oh my God, I'm being abused and I can't do anything'—to 'God is there.' You know, the coach is there outside, he's just waiting, 'Come on man, let's go.' But then the ball just passed through. He's like, it's not like a moment of death. No, it's not that. The game is still on. You can come back. Either way, it's not a red card, right? It's fine, you're still playing the game. So this changed the whole perception.

And I mean, I feel like when the mind is coming, either from my side or the other side, instead of trying to react, suddenly a smile is coming because I know it's not an easy situation, you know? It's like because I have to pause. And I know this is something I just thought I'll share because there are moments today I just literally froze. The game is on and I'm... and then as if I'm sitting here in satsang, you know? And it's not going to be easy because sometimes the attack is very small. I just wanted to share this. And Father, thank you for bringing that word 'waking up to God.' This is my second month of waking up to God during work days. From December 1st to January today, which means Saturday and Sundays I take a break—I do meet God whenever I have to, but not in the morning. So work day means you have to get up, spend time with God. And so this is my month two. And you know, I think it's a nice feeling.

I don't know when I break it down because of work, you have this thought process of breaking a bigger problem into small problems and keep tracking it, right? Like running somewhere. When I started breaking this huge 'how am I going to go about living my life like this?' because it's not easy, and suddenly when I do this like gamification of the whole process—I would rather say witnessing game—it's a nice feeling. And yeah, I just thought I'd share this.

This is good. I like the metaphor. I like the sense of lightness about it; it is also helpful. Just don't worry too much about the score. If you're doing it playfully, it's fine. But the mind in the future may use that to oppress you and say, 'You see, today is ten-zero.' Can't do that. What matters is the next ball. You continue the sporting metaphor, you see? It doesn't matter what you're batting at; how you play the next ball is what is important.

Thank you so much, Father. It's a huge, huge relief, you know, just to be being with you. And you know, the mind tells that, 'Trust me, it's like nothing.' But when you're really out there, when you're playing the game, then you know... this is because my coach, you know, you come in there at that moment. I'm not alone. You're there with me telling me, 'Do this,' and that gives a different strength in that moment.

How you play the next ball is what is important. Thank you so much, Father. It's a huge, huge relief, you know, just to be being with you. And you know, the mind tells me that, you know, 'Trust me,' it's like nothing. But when you're really out there, when you're playing the game, then you know. This is because my coach, you know, you come in there at that moment. I'm not alone; you're there with me telling me, 'Do this,' you know? And that gives a different strength. At that moment, you're not alone. It's like God is only coming and playing for you literally, you know? So with that, something nice happens in your physical body. Because I've seen—I told you the other day what happens to your astral body—I don't know physically that moment, right? It's a nice feeling, you know, like happiness. I don't know what to say; some chemicals are getting triggered. I've seen the other side, like sometimes when you're thinking too much, your physical body is going through some pain because of those repeated thoughts, right? So the flip side—I know it looks more like a self-help thing, but still, that's why I was contemplating, 'Should I share or not?' But yeah, thank you, Father. Very happy to hear about the two-month thing. It's very, very... another thing, like the context I was saying, like work is where I'm getting that. And the flip side is, because of this work, I'm getting motivated to get up in the morning, do what I have to do, and literally play this game in this way, right? So I'm feeling this is all like a literal game, you know, like a 3D... I don't know. It's like you're putting some this thing and it's like literally not there, but it's there. And every moment is all about how do you not believe and be humble. I was contemplating, 'How do you really become a humble person?' and I was thinking. And then I think you said that you can just pray, you know? 'Please teach me to be more humble, Father.' That's all I want to be. I want to be humble, kind.

To be able to pray, we have to be humble. If you find yourself able to pray, you are humble already, starting to be humble. Because only the humble ones can truly pray. Those who are not humble will say, 'Why do we need to pray? I can take care of it.'

There's a very bad guy, Father—I mean, I would use his bad word, asshole, okay? It comes up, and I just want to bring this up and put it there on your feet, you know? I feel that this is very important.

This process is very important. Whenever we feel like this is personal, it seems like the person is real. If Grace brings us to the point of surrendering it, where we can say, 'Ah, this one I offer at God's feet; this one I offer at God's feet,' it's very important. It's very... are there these auto-bleep things on Zoom also? Sorry, no, it's fine. I could see that it had to come out that way.

It was because that guy is sitting with me and he enjoys that, you know, being that whatever word, right? He just comes out and he plays a game and he likes that, you know? Very toxic.

Look who is... oh, I'm enjoying some of these reports very much because this is what it feels like when the rubber hits the road. That's when we are putting spirituality in practice in our lives moment to moment. Then these are the things we encounter. The mind does like it; it wants to get its dominance again. To notice those things, to return to God, it may seem difficult. We fail many times. To just play the next ball, play the next ball—very important. Otherwise, our spirituality will be intellectual and just ideas, fancy ideas. It has to transform our lives in this way. This is how it spreads. This is also how it spreads, because in your heart if you stay, you've changed everything: the past, the future, everything. The same ones that you could have been toxic with, now you're kind with, you're compassionate with, and then that's what they will spread further. See, anger and toxicity always lead to more toxicity. But if one situation has changed from toxic to kind, you change the world. These are miracles. These are the miracles that I care about, not the miracles where something fantastic happened or something happened. This is true magic from the heart. And to have this integrity to say, 'I try and try and try; sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail, but I try.' It's very important. You want to sing? Yeah, yeah, but before that, okay, give her the mic.

Father, when you had told us serving God is serving everyone around you, I think that is a huge thing, Father, because it's like it really breaks your ego, like really. It does, because when there's so much of, 'Okay, I don't like this, whatever that person's doing,' all of that, but when we come in the, 'Okay, I have to serve him because he's...' you know, that just changes a lot.

It's very, very important. Otherwise, we can just be in some fancy idea that 'I'm serving God.' But if that serving God doesn't become serving our brothers and sisters, and if we still have like categories... so that's why I was asking, who would we not serve? Or maybe we can start with, who would we serve in the world? Can we become a servant of everyone? And what is to serve? Love God, bring love into their life, bring God into their life—that is to serve them. But not from a place of pride. That's why 'serve' is important. I'm not saying become a world teacher; I'm saying become a world servant, you see? Because everybody wants to be a world teacher. 'I am on the pedestal, everyone must listen to me because I found God,' you see? Like that. That pride doesn't get us anywhere and doesn't get those who you are talking to anywhere. If what is being shared from here is coming from a place of pride, then how will it help anyone? I keep talking about 'become a servant, become a servant,' but if myself, I take myself to be a master, that's all hypocrisy. These are beautiful explorations as to how can you serve without serving another ego. But is our desire not to serve another ego coming from our ego, or is it truly heartfelt? So to make it truly about love and God, we have to... that's why we are so helpless. We have to follow God's will moment to moment. There's no other way to do this thing called life. Only His grace, only His guidance, only His pointing, only His will. The minute the 'me' gets involved, I have tactics and I think I know what is right and wrong; I make a mess of it every time. There's nothing I know, nothing I can do. All that is good only comes from God. And I hope that these words become more and more literal to all of us. All that is good only comes from God.

Is He making us more, or is He making us notice that we are helpless? I have to ask Him.

Yeah, I would say noticing is what we've said for a long time. What control do we have over anything at all? It's only make-believe pride. Not one moment we can control what's going to happen now, what's going to happen now. Control this now, control... not one moment of our life we control. We only have an idea and we say, 'Okay, I will control, I will do this.' How do you do that? We can't even control what the body does. I used to take the simpler examples earlier. I would say that we may have an idea that, 'Today I will go to work and I will tell my boss to shut up if he says something stupid,' you see? And then we end up going to work and we are in awe of our boss and we are just saying, 'Yes, yes sir, what can I do for you?' What control? We just made up. Moment to moment is every moment, every moment, every moment, the fresh, fresh game. Every moment you're like thinking, 'Oh, I was empty last moment and I won this game.' It doesn't happen. It has to be now, now, now. You'll never find God, living God, by thinking about the past or future. Now, if you're playing cricket or baseball, you played a bad shot, then if you're just thinking about that, then what happens next? Get out. No, mostly you, because your mind is there, you're caught up in that, you don't see what's coming at you. Just bowled, clean bowled, or strike three, whatever. Learn from that. Learn, you must learn from that. That's why the best sports people also say, 'It is always fresh for me.' What's important is the next ball, not what happened before. Or if you are at a high score, you're at 99 and you're just thinking about your 100, you're just thinking about... you see what happens? Get out. Because you lose that freshness. How many batsmen get out in the 90s? Much more than 70s and 80s, because it's the mind which says, 'Get your 100, get your 100.' Learning to love, kind, humble, all of that—there's no point in analyzing how much you've done and how to do it. Yes, yes, just this moment, this moment. How are you serving God now? This moment. That is one of the most potent questions. Do I still have it on my phone? No, now I have the fool. But these are my two favorite reminders to myself. One is 'the fool,' which is my current favorite to remind myself I'm just a fool anytime I start to think I'm too fancy. And the second one is, 'How am I serving God now?' on my phone. I mean, I ask my head, you know? It takes you away from this service to the 'me' that we are constantly engaged in. 'Why me? What me? When me? Why me?' The question changes to, 'How am I serving God now?' I cannot serve Him without being in His presence. Firstly, I have to be in the heart temple first, because you don't want to serve a conceptual God. You want to literally serve God who is here. It's not to think about how am I serving God now; you have to go to Him, be with Him, allow Him to move you, allow Him to guide you. That's how you serve God, not your idea of God.

Like when you see something I did that took me away from the presence, then that postmortem—'Why did I do that?'

Yeah, but once you notice you did, then what else needs to be postmortem? What led to that? What, the thought? And then what led to that thought? What leads this way? A thought. It's just a thought, you see? The thought tells you, 'No, no, it's much bigger,' but it's the thought. What a strange thing, our human condition. It's like the elephant wants to have a bath; the lake is in front of him, you see? But what does he trip over? A twig. That is our life with the thought. It's nothing, just the minutest perception, tiniest perception. You can't even really perceive it; it's just like messaging, just... you see, when we say our mind is really strong, you see, even then it's nothing. It's just like a whisper. It seems really strong because we care about what it's saying. We are interested in that. But in actuality, in pure perception, it's nothing. So if you met an elephant who said, 'I haven't had my bath today because I tripped over this twig,' that is our life. 'I can't be with God because this thought caught me.' This is Maya.

When we ask ourselves, 'Is it about me or is it about God?' immediately we can sense and there can be a shift also that's happening. Isn't it the same thing when we ask, 'Is it about me or is it about the other?' While there is it also, I feel the shift is the same, right?

But the only trick is that if you make it about the other, then you may end up catering to their ego or their pride. But if you say, 'Is this for God?' then it also keeps you in the strength of being with the true love, being the true intent of sharing from God's light instead of just catering to their egoic idea. It's not a God thought; it's a God presence, exactly. A 'me' thought and a 'God' thought are both to be Godless in a way, unless the God thought is bringing you to the presence of God, then it's okay and it's useful.

Mostly I have to answer something, and if I don't have that, then I'm just listening. Like I was telling her, it is so absurd that in this human condition we've actually never met another one truly. We've never met another human being. We say, 'I want relationship,' you see, but we just want our projection of our ideas to be visible in another one. You've never met another one because we are spending our time thinking when they are talking to us. When they are with us, do we really notice? So we know our whole life...

I have to answer something and if I don't have that, then I'm just listening. Like I was telling her, it is so absurd that in this human condition, we've actually never met another one truly. We never met another human being. We say, 'I want relationship,' you see, but we just want our projection of our ideas to be visible in another one. You never met another one because we are spending our time thinking when they are talking to us. When they are with us, do we really notice? So we know our whole life goes by and we have not really lived in that way. Is it strange? Absurd. And that's why I keep saying that we must not keep saying that the humans are better than all other creatures on this planet because in this aspect, we are the worst probably. Cool. Okay, you want to sing? Ready? Please.