He Is the One in Your Heart - 6th December 2023

Then you may say that the truth—I want to have an experience of it. I don't want to understand anything; I want to come to an experience of the truth. But there also we have a problem, because the first rule of Advaita Vedanta is what? Everything that comes and goes is not real. Everything that you perceive is unreal, and everything that comes will go, and that which comes and goes is not real, you see. So if the experience is going to come, then the experience is going to go. There will not be an experience which comes which does not go. Every experience is a perception, so it will come and go, and therefore it cannot be the truth.

Now we are in big trouble, aren't we? Ideas gone, experiences also gone. Even the highest spiritual experiences with lights and fireworks—that which we may call a spiritual experience also comes and goes and therefore is not ultimately the truth. Where does that leave us? Now we may say that yes, I know this; it is the discovery of something which is not phenomenal, which is not perceivable, which does not come and go. The Atma is already here. God is already here. God does not come and go. So the realization of the Self, the realization of God, must be something which is beyond the realm of understanding and the realm of perception.

When we start from this point, that is when we truly start Satsang, you see? Then that's when it stops being a discourse. A spiritual discourse may be bouncing off spiritual ideas and doing 'vada,' which means arguing about the validity of notions and things like that, into a deeper experience which is beyond phenomenal. Can we report from our life—and in fact, we must be able to report right now—what is our insight into this which is beyond perception, beyond phenomena? Is there something like that? What can you report on this? Is there something like that? Anything beyond thinking and beyond qualities?

The Saguna nature means that which has attributes. You say, 'What is this phone? How do you tell it's a phone and not a microwave?' It has a particular quality, a set of qualities. It has a shape, a color, some branding, a logo. You look at those qualities and you're able to determine the nature of it to say, 'This is a phone.' Even if I told you, 'No, no, it's a pair of spectacles,' you will say, 'Okay, I have to stop coming here; Ananta is becoming foolish and he's losing his mind.' So you look at a set of attributes which are called gunas, and you are able to mentally conclude that this is a phone, and then you can conclude the nature of it—that you can receive calls, you can make calls. That is the nature of the phenomenal. How do we come to the non-phenomenal then?

You set aside the phenomena.

Okay, very good. Then what happens? Some of you have heard of 'Neti Neti'—not this, not this, you see. It's like a meditative process where you sit and say, 'I perceive the world; the world doesn't perceive me. So I cannot be this world. I perceive the body; the body does not perceive me. Therefore I cannot be the body. I am aware of thoughts; the thoughts are not aware of me. I cannot be my thoughts.' You see? So like that you keep going: not this, not this. Where do you come? You take out all that is phenomenal. Is there anything left? Remember that your mind will give you dark, empty space. 'Here is the nothing that you wanted.' But you are perceiving even that. Even that is a quality. Darkness—both darkness and brightness, light and dark—both are qualities. Keep that aside then. Able to follow? We are now in the adventure into the truth, the nature of which is much more strange and absurd than we imagined. When we remove for a moment our phenomenal experience, our perceptual experience, and our conceptual understanding, then where does that leave us? Is there anything now?

Okay, we're breaking the deal. I better wake you all up now. I know you're contemplating. Contemplation and losing track can sometimes be very close to each other. Okay, who can do a quick recap? Where are we right now?

So your guidance to us was to turn our attention inwards and then go through the Neti Neti and try to sort of unpeel the layers, starting from the external and then stripping it away and saying that that's external, not aware of me, and I'm aware of it. Because we determined that conceptual understanding and what we perceive does not live up to the standard which the Vedantic sages have said. They've said that that which comes and goes, that which is perceived, is not real. We want to come to what doesn't come and go. And also, what's the subject? Eventually, we want to come to a sense that I am there before things I observe, and I want to find out what that one is. So then start with the... you know, basically you pointed us to stripping away the various layers: external, then body itself, sensations of body, then could be breath, strip away the breath, strip away thought. And then eventually you're just left with a sense of existence which can't be stripped away because that defines your entire waking state.

Very, very good. Let's pause here. This is very good. So everyone agrees with him? Agrees with him through your own insight or just because he sounds like he's saying the right thing? He said you take everything out and we arrive at a point where we come to a sense of existence, a sense of being. Is this correct? Whatever I said is all focus, focus. Is it true like that? Not sounding with 'yes,' it is like that. So, are you perceiving this sense of being? Not perceiving it, you see? Because if it was being perceived, then you would have to throw it out along with the rest of perception. But is it purely unperceived? Why have people called it a primordial vibration, a sense of being, 'I Am'? If it has a sense, 'sense' sounds like a quality to me, doesn't it? It's not a sheer absence; it is a presence.

This is when the absurdity starts, because this Atma—this being, the presence, Holy Spirit, Satguru presence, intuitive heart, all of these words we may use synonymously—it is impossible to determine the nature of it as perceivable or unperceivable, whether it is Saguna or Nirguna. We cannot say, or we may say that it is both. When I ask you to try and stop being, what happens? You can't stop being because you find or notice something, isn't it? Are you with me, everyone? Then you try to stop being. Don't be right now. Literally, like innocently. Don't worry, you see. Don't be. Don't exist. Do it for one second. Don't exist. Has anyone succeeded? Unless you go into deep sleep, but when you are awake, there is a wakefulness, there is a beingness, aliveness, Consciousness. So are you noticing this, or are you just agreeing or speculating? Because that is the whole difference.

That sounds very 'woo' to me. What do you mean? How do you notice without perceiving? I notice the cup, so I perceive it. The cup is an object. I notice that I am, but if I let my mind look for something, you won't find anything. So I can leave the mind. Then when I'm here, there is an I-amness, there's a sense of being, a sense of presence which is here now.

This presence has been given very big names. It has been called Om. It has been called 'I Am.' God said, 'I am that I am.' Jesus said, 'Before Abraham, I am.' This 'I Am' has been called the light of the universe, the primordial vibration. But more importantly than anything else, at least the way I look at it, it is the presence of God within ourself. Whether we call it Atma, whether we call it the primordial vibration, Holy Spirit, whatever name you want to call it, the Godhead has made himself available to himself. But when we are playing in this world of Maya, then it seems like 'I am this body-mind entity,' and the purely non-phenomenal sounds too far out and far-fetched.

Only God could have come up with a solution like this. Only God could have come up with a solution like this because if he made himself available like an object, then that object would be like one of our other organs. You'd say, 'Okay, we have stomach, kidney, liver, heart, all this, then there's also God.' The object of God then could be found by a surgeon because it was purely objective. And in His reality, the Absolute reality is beyond all phenomena, non-phenomenal. So that becomes impossible for most in the human condition. How do you find it? So then this presence, this Atma, can it be found? Yes. But then when I ask you what is its boundary, you say it has no boundary. And you're not speculating; you're checking on the nature of your being and you can't find a boundary. But perception cannot find the boundless.

Usually when you talk about the 'no boundary' thing, it doesn't work in the room; it only works on Zoom. When you talk about no boundaries, I want to look now, because usually boundaries seem to be for objects. When you say that we notice that we have no boundaries, I can't really confirm. All I can say is I'll have to check now again, but usually what I can say is 'no boundaries' or 'no no boundaries' just...

Let's look at this deeper. It's a very important question. When the question is asked, 'Who are you? Were you born? Will you die?'—all of these questions, we cannot apply the same instrument to answer them as we would apply to worldly things. 'How many fingers you perceive?' and you answer. But when a question is asked, 'Were you born?' then what inside you do you have that can answer such a question? 'Are you aware?' Now, this seems straightforward for most of us because there is no escape. You say, 'I am aware.' But you did not see this awareness, and yet you were able to answer. In the same way, when the question is asked about the boundary of it, it takes you to that intuitive knowledge where you can say that really there is no boundary. There is no empirical way of knowing this; there is no intellectual, mental, calculative sort of way in which you can understand this.

If you look at anything in the Invitation, for example, if you look at Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi's inquiry, if you look at the question that I keep asking—'Can you stop being?' or 'Are you aware now?'—they cannot be answered from the traditional modes of intellect and perception. Let's take an example of that, probably the best example: Who is aware of the perception of this hand? Who is that? You are. Last time I was saying, is it you or your Uncle Bob? It's you, no? Now, on what basis are you labeling that which you cannot see, and you're giving it the most important label in your life? This 'I' is the most important thing in your life; everything else is around that, isn't it? So this which is aware, can you see it? That which is aware of the perception of the hand, can you see it? Can't see it, you see. So how do you know it is there? Not through perception.

And not only that, you see, you take this unperceivable thing and you call it 'I,' and you say every other 'I' comes and goes, but this one is my reality. The sages say like that, isn't it strange? Where are you seeing this from? Where are you seeing this 'I' from? On what basis? If you had to produce this 'I' in court, what would you do? If you had a subpoena for the real 'I,' the real 'I' has to produce themselves. You can't find this one. You cannot perceive this one, and yet you call it 'I.' That moment of insight is the moment of Aparokshanubhuti, which means the moment of purely intuitive insight, also called Atma Gyan or Brahma Gyan. And it's universal; everyone has it.

The mind obviously will not like this conversation. It's already saying something. You are aware of the perception of this, and it's you only, no? If I say to you it's Uncle Bob, you say, 'No, it is not Uncle Bob, I am.' Your mind may be fighting this to the extent of getting frustrated, you see, but actually it's such a simple truth that this 'I' we cannot perceive, we cannot talk about any quality of it, and yet we say that this unperceivable one is my reality. It is I. Yes or no? So with what instrument do you recognize this 'I'? You may say with the 'I,' because you're not using your mind and you're not using your perception, and yet you're saying 'I am aware.' If you meet this now, then all—let's not be arrogant—a lot of what you read in the scriptures will sound very straightforward and basic because they are just talking simply about this reality. It's not meant to be complicated. But if you use the wrong instruments, which are perception and mind-intellect, then it seems complicated.

This awareness which is aware of perception—called sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell, imagination, memory, thought, emotion—all of these sensations are being perceived and you are aware of them. Try your hardest to try and perceive this 'I' which is aware with all your mind. Try to find it, try to perceive it. This is the simplest and most important example of intuitive insight. Now stay in this place. You won't understand what it means to stay in this place by starting with understanding. It is to be that. Don't make use of the other instruments of knowledge. Remain empty. Let all your thoughts come and go, let all perceptions come and go, but you don't attach or grasp onto anything. Here you are not lost. Everything that needs to be known is known. Suffer while being empty. Do everything while you're empty. Even if you have to suffer, try to suffer while being empty.

Now, as you're empty, that is when you're making room for heart knowledge. You're making room for intuitive insight. To be like this, to come to the presence of God within ourselves and in the light of that presence to come to the discovery of that which is beyond perception—that is called Satsang. This is the truth that the 'Sat' part of Satsang is about. What is Atma? We call this part of the house the Atma Gyan Kendra. So what is this Atma? Presence. Presence of God. Presence of a being, and that being is God. Life is not life until we have found this light, this Atma. It gives an illusion of life. Maya is a great seeming, isn't it? It seems as if it is true, it is life, it is authentic, but it's just a play, just a set of appearances. It hides the truth if you let it. That 'if you let it' is important. Inherently it cannot hide the truth from you, but when you get involved with the narratives, when you get involved with the labels, then it seems like the truth goes missing.

But empty of the narratives, empty of the stories, the presence will become apparent if that is His grace, if that is His will. There is nothing else in the world which you can exchange for this discovery. You cannot say, 'Okay, now I will make this much money, I will get the best partner, I will have the healthiest body, and I will know the highest concepts, and with all of those I have now replaced the discovery of this presence within myself.' You cannot do that. As much as you cannot eat thol for dessert, you cannot. We can imagine as if, or we can believe that we are partaking of something truthful or authentic when we play in this world, but when done without the light of presence, without the light of Atma, without the Darshan of Atma within, then it is all empty. This does not mean that outer relationships and money and body and reading and all of those things should stop; it only means that inwardly you are empty for God, and in being empty for God, you're living in the light of God.

It may sound contradictory, but really that example is very, very good—that example of the lane being very narrow and there being room only for one is very important and it's very literal. If we fill ourselves with 'me, me, me,' then there is no room for God. To be empty for God gives the possibility of Grace. And we may, of course, say that even that is up to Grace, whether we become empty for God—that's another conversation. As long as we still feel like 'I wake up, I do things, I came to Satsang,' until then, until we still have these ideas and conditions, we can be determined to remain empty. We can be determined to remain empty for God. And to be empty is actually the simplest; it is the picking up which is more difficult. To be empty is simple. You go to the airport, you see two people there: one is picking up every bag from the conveyor belt, the other is just standing back and observing everything. What is simpler? To not pick up, to stand back, is simple. But the one who has the habit of picking up, for them it may seem like some effort to stop. In actuality, it is not picking up which is easier.

Let the conveyor belt of your mind go on; you don't pick up a bag. Years ago, a cousin of mine told me about this restaurant—now it's everywhere, of course, but even Bangalore has one—this was a Japanese restaurant called Yo! Sushi. What would happen is that there was a conveyor belt running throughout the restaurant. The dishes are coming and the dishes have different colors: green one costs this much, red one costs this much, white one costs this much. If it looks appetizing to you, you pick it up. If you don't want it, you don't pick it up. The mind is just like that conveyor belt. That which you've nourished with your belief and identity, that will seem attractive to you. If the bowl came labeled 'Freedom, pick this up and you are free,' you see, you could really actually pick it up because it's our spiritual identity, you may be tempted. But if you were a different type of conditioning, if you were just into business, and the bowl came, 'Pick this up and you get a million dollars,' that may be tempting and the enlightenment one may sound like rubbish. Based on our conditions, based on what we've accepted as true in the past, that has a certain gravitation about it.

If you feel that you need a soulmate to complete you, when the bowl comes in the guise of offering solutions for a soulmate, those will be attractive. If another wants something else, then that will seem attractive. But the mind is nothing but this conveyor belt with the different offerings, different proposals, all of them having a non-existent protagonist, a non-existent 'me' at the center of them. So to be empty, let them come, let them go. Then you have a chance of living in God's light. Try to think and believe thoughts and be in your presence—you may say it's completely possible conceptually because presence doesn't go anywhere, being is always here. We know this. But what happens when we get into the hypnosis of a thought? You seem to lose this. Satsang is an antidote to that seeming. We may say 'seeming,' but really it feels like the clutches of Maya. When suffering comes, you don't say, 'Oh, nice seeming,' you see? It feels like the throat is being squeezed.

Be empty. When you are empty, then you come to intuitive insight—the intuitive insight of your reality as pure awareness itself and the reality of the presence of God within yourself, the Atma, the Holy Spirit. That should be the end of the story, but it's never the end because that 'me' that we took ourselves to be, although now it seems to be defanged and has lost its bite to a great extent, it's still waiting in the shadows for a chance to reincarnate. Now the new mold which is seeming very attractive to it is the spiritual mold. 'I was a worldly person, now I have turned to God. I have had insights about the nature of reality. Where are my devotees? Where is my Satsang Bhavan?' All this starts to seem very attractive. It's waiting in the sidelines, you see. And it is because of this one that keeps waiting that Papa Ji said, 'Vigilance until my dying breath.' Because even after the insight comes, the insight makes it clear that there is no 'me,' but the 'tanmatra'—the minutest quality of the egoic identity—is always here in the human condition whether we like it or not.

I've been calling it 'the me who remains.' There should be no 'me' that remains. We would all love that, but the one that would love that is the 'me' who remains. Or the one who says, 'But there is no me left,' that is the 'me' who remains. This 'me who remains' is a very dangerous character. If it is allowed to fester, it can make 'mukti' out of the highest spiritual insight. It can ruin the strongest sannyasis, the strongest teachers. It can make a Ravana out of anybody because now the concepts which it will use will resemble what you are finding in your intuitive insight, and therefore they will seem very unshakable. When you started the spiritual search, you were taken back by the question 'Who am I?' First we were like, 'What kind of question is that?' Then when we really accepted it, like 'I don't know who I am,' you see. But then once the spiritual ego has taken charge: 'Who are you?' 'I am the Self, I am Brahman itself, I am the light of this universe.' All true words, but if taken egoically, they lose their fragrance. They become horrible prisons, and we make a new prison for ourselves around this spiritual identity.

Then what happens is that we are no longer empty for God; we are full of the new 'me,' the spiritual 'me.' And that spiritual 'me' now seems worthwhile. That spiritual pride now seems worthy. 'Yes, but I do know the truth. Why aren't they listening to me? Why isn't my family accepting that I am free and leaving me alone? Don't they realize that I speak from my heart and they are just coming from their mind?' Haven't you all noticed this? This is the 'me' string. So to apply this spiritual insight onto an individual is the spiritual ego. When these offers come from the mind now, which appeal to your spiritual pride, then they will seem worthy and you are no longer empty. You're now in the hypnosis of the spiritual mind, catering to your spiritual identity.

Therefore, for no one in this world is just the path of insight enough. Jnana must be accompanied by Bhakti, and Bhakti comes naturally with Jnana. Bhakti must be accompanied by Jnana, which comes naturally with true Bhakti. But sometimes in today's world, we want to compartmentalize and say, 'No, no, this is how I am.' So what is Bhakti? Bhakti is a combination of the deepest love and the deepest sense of servitude—unconditional love. When you are anchored deeply in unconditional love, then that is love for God. When you live like that, how important is the mind to you? It doesn't matter what it is saying. Forget about being deeply in love with God; even in worldly love, you've met someone and you've fallen in love, it just doesn't matter. Emails are not being answered, work is not happening, you don't care because you are in love. But those who have tasted the love for God recognize that at the root of even the personal seeming love, when all conditions are removed, there is this beautiful unconditional love. As you remember the Beloved, this love deepens. As you remain in the insight of the Atma, this love deepens and sweetens as life goes on.

Some of you are thinking that you don't love God. Empty of the thought, the love is apparent. We may love someone in this world, but does that mean we are their bhakta or devotee? Just love does not make a bhakta. We may love each other as husband and wife, but does that mean we are a devotee of the partner? What is missing? The servitude. Deep love mixed with a deep servitude. Servitude means, 'Let Thy will be done. May Your will move me, may Your will guide me.' Servitude means taking a risk, because so far anything that we discussed is not risky. You sit and you meditate and do Neti Neti inquiry, you have insight, you maybe find some peace and love. But to follow the will of God means to be empty of your will first. 'Move me' may sound very easy to say—'Father, move me, let Thy will be done'—but it means that you lose, you're not attached to any outcome that you were attached to in your life. You may say, 'I want to go settle in the Himalayas,' and He is moving you to Timbuktu. Are you okay with that?

This is when our lip-service spirituality really hits the road and becomes a true spirituality. Are we willing to serve Him? Are we willing to be a true representative of Guru Nanak Ji's saying? His highest pointing was that we must follow the command of God. He said 'command,' not even 'will.' But the servant cannot have two masters. In a worldly life, the 'me who remains' has to first accept its servitude anyway. It's either a servant to the mind or to God. There is no third way. Either the mind will tell you, 'Do this, don't do this,' or your intuitive guidance, the Holy Spirit, your Atma will guide you. Is there a third way? There is no third way. So the 'me' that remains, that we still take ourselves to be—that something is in servitude either to the mind or to the heart.

The problem is that when we go with our mind, it seems like 'I'm living on my own terms,' which is completely fake because it's not my own terms; it's the ego, it's the mind's way. This is the classical error in the human condition: that although God is real, although God is here, we move based on what we think is right, what we think is wrong, what we think is good, what we think is bad. But what happened to the 'hukum' of God, the command of God, the will of God? Is it just theoretical? So that you may think and think, you may meditate and meditate, you may sit and experience a lot of experiences of love and bliss, you may apply the highest smartness that you think you have, but nothing will help you unless you follow the will of God. Even Jesus said, 'You may call out to me Lord, Lord, but I will not recognize you if you've not followed the will of my Father.' Did Hanuman Ji say, 'Let me think about it' when Ram Ji told him to do something?

All the examples are available to us to show us that the way of devotion is a deep love and a deep servitude. To be deeply in servitude to God, we must live in His presence. How to follow the Master if you haven't met Him? The students of Nanak Ji would have had a tantrum, saying, 'How to follow the will of God?' At least in his case, they were lucky because his utterances were the utterances from God within, from the Atma within. So they could follow him to deepen their own relationship with the Satguru within. The continuation of Satsang in the world is the same tradition—the same attempt to receive guidance so that we can come to the same Satguru presence within, the holy guide within ourselves, and then surrender our life to that presence and allow Him to move us and to guide us. Now, if that doesn't sound risky, you're not hearing what I'm saying. It means the end of what you thought your life is going to be—to make yourself surely available for God moment to moment. Are we living like that?

Now, in this, insight, love, and servitude is a truly spiritual life. You can target any leg of this table; you don't need to juggle. You don't need to figure out, 'Oh, yesterday I was inquiring, today I'll be a servant of God.' It can't be like that. Whatever your heart will guide you, your life becomes a life truly lived and not a zombie life. So we really question our faith: Is God real, or is it just a feel-good mechanism we've created for ourselves? 'Oh, the world gets too much, I close my eyes, I meditate, I feel better, I go back.' Is that the self-help thing that God is, or is there a reality? When we say reality, it has to be more than what is perceived. None of us take God to be more real than we take our hand to be real. None of us do, including this one. That's why I'm also just a beginner on this. I take this to be more real than that, especially in my moments of foolishness and selfishness.

That's why that experiment works when I say to you: If Krishna was sitting in front of you or Jesus was sitting in front of you, would you look away? Would you start living on your own terms, or would you just ask Him for everything? Would you ask Him for guidance—'Should I go left or right?' Would you allow Him to move you? What have we done? We've done an experiment where we've said, 'If He was perceivable, then I would take Him to be really real.' That's exactly the opposite of the true way. The true way is to trust your intuitive insight, that which takes us beyond perception, to take that to be a higher reality than the one that the mind tells us. That is faith. Faith is not blind belief. It's not blind; it is beyond perception. To have faith that what you are finding intuitively is reality—a greater reality than this world of Maya—that is faith.

Whether you realize it or not, you come to Satsang also in that sense: to meet one who is attempting to live in that faith, who is taking what the intuitive heart is showing them to be more real than what the eyes are showing them. Because if you don't have that kind of faith, then the world is always creating things that tell us we have to do our responsibilities and worldly expectations; then that will always become more important and more urgent. At least you'll never follow God's will because we still take the perceived to be real. Now you see how it all converges: Jnana, Bhakti—it's not really separate. It's all converging because if you don't trust that intuitive insight which is beyond perception, then it is impossible to be a true bhakta. If you don't meet His presence, if you don't be with His presence, then how will you be devoted to Him? You just create two compartments in your mind: the spiritual mind and the worldly mind. The spiritual mind is only going to lead to the spiritual ego.

What does the spiritual mind want? What is the end game for the spiritual mind? A glowing halo? Everybody should notice? Maybe like that sweet boy who was in Satsang and then went to Rishikesh with Mooji Baba, and he was sitting in the Satsang with Guruji and he just felt like he got it that day. 'It's so clear, I got it.' Then Satsang got over, he went outside and he was still in that beautiful thing, and then this lady started approaching him. His mind said to him, 'Oh, can they see it now? Are they already coming to me? You're going to ask me a question, you see, maybe it is visible.' And she said to him, 'Can you tell me where is the auto-rickshaw stand?' Then the bubble burst. And it's a good thing that it burst, because if she had said, 'I see something in you and I want to ask you a question,' then that could have become a big spiritual ego. Thankfully, she asked for the auto-rickshaw stand.

What is the end goal of our spiritual mind? For people to respect us, to think that we have something of value? It's all nonsense, because anything that is of value here is purely moment-to-moment provided by God. Even the next breath—if the breath stops, then what value? If the heart stops, then what value? If these apparent atoms and molecules don't keep themselves together, then what value? We don't even know what keeps this bunch of food together. This is the human condition.

That example you gave, that bubble bursting... it could have been the other way around. He could have said, 'I still have faith in my insight and I don't let this burst my bubble.'

Yeah, it could have gone that way, but he came and reported when we were back in Bangalore that it burst his bubble. But of course, his mind could have said, 'Yeah, yeah, but more will come.' What you may be also saying is that the true insight remains unaffected by how the world responds or takes us, and that's absolutely true. Great sages like Yogi Ramsuratkumar were not recognized for many, many years.

Is it a lack of faith? When is it a lack of faith?

Lack of faith is when we go to the mind instead of following God's will. Faith is just to remain in the heart and ask Him to move us and to guide us, to take Him to be the reality and the world to be, if not unreal, at least less real than Him.

If somebody were to say that what you're calling the heart isn't really the heart, what would you have faith in then? I'm not able to frame it, I don't know...

We are talking about two different things. One is when you have an insight, the mind wants to grasp at it and build an identity around it. You have an insight, you came one day and you felt like you came to the nature of being, and then the mind could have taken that and said, 'Oh, does this mean I'm enlightened? Does this mean I'm free now? I better answer questions in a particular way.' If in this Maya, in this Leela, it started playing that way—that people started coming to you asking you questions—but you were still in the process of identity building and not truly living in faith moment-to-moment, being guided in every word by God, but instead trying to build an image for yourself, trying to show everyone how free you are, how spiritual you are... that is the distinction between living from pride and living from faith.

Let's say even just following God's will: I feel some guidance comes and I feel it's heart guidance and I have to follow it, but then somebody comes along and tells me, 'That's not the heart.' Now I have two options. Either it is a credible source, like maybe you tell me, I could say I still have faith in that being the heart. This started off when you were talking about if you have Krishna sitting in front of you, the reason it's more easy there is you can't doubt it, you're seeing it. But this is unperceivable. That is why a Master is a great gift in our lives. Until all of this seems confusing, until we are not truly able to distinguish between our heart and when the mind is playing as if it is our heart, until then, to have someone that truly is connected to God's light in their heart is a gift. It doesn't have to be just like a Master on a pedestal; it could be a Satsang brother or sister, just someone who's truly leading a heartfelt life, an intuitive life. Then that is a great gift that we have. Otherwise, it seems so difficult to climb a mountain; it's always helpful if somebody's holding your hand who has done it before.

The issue with both the practice of servitude and also abiding in the presence is when you say while we remain as the presence and we allow the thoughts and the feelings to come and go, that is very natural when we sit like this and it's apparent. But when the body gets back into activities and the interactions happen, the thoughts and feelings come—that time it doesn't seem to be easy at all to allow them to come and go. That is where I find the problem statement.

Not disputing it at all. So how do we deepen? We deepen in it. Is your ability to remain like that in Satsang or when you're by yourself helpful when you go out in the marketplace of the world, or is it detrimental?

It's helpful because I feel it does create a distance from the thoughts.

Exactly. So as you deepen in this, as you deepen in Atma Gyan, you deepen in your sadhana like this, then after a while you will find that the oscillation, the disparity between being by yourself and being in the marketplace of the world is not that much. I won't say it will completely go away; the Leela will still have some bite, but the bite will keep getting lighter and lighter. So what is to be done? Not to ponder about those times where you lose it, not to waste your opportunity to be in His presence by thinking about, 'Oh, but why isn't that fixed yet?' It is to deepen now. It is to use every moment that we are not in that situation when you're not caught up. Use every moment of that.

In those moments where we are under the hypnosis of the mind, there is no noticing of any of this anyway. Those are write-offs; they are pure roles. Those are written off, don't worry about them. But what the mind will do—and this is the one-two punch of the mind—it will say first it'll create all that for you and then say, 'But it's not that easy. It's okay when you're sitting in a cave, but when you go to work, then what happens?' So even when you're sitting in the cave, it is offering you this instead of saying, 'Ah, God.' This is the subtlety, the tricky nature of the mind. It gives you breakfast in front of you but says, 'But the breakfast won't always be there, what about lunchtime?' Then you are refusing to eat the breakfast in front of you.

What this should actually mean is that we don't know what tomorrow is going to bring and whether we will be caught up in so much identity tomorrow that we never turn towards God. Nobody can predict that. So then this moment, what should I do? I should hang on to Him for dear life with all my might instead of trying to fix it for ourselves in the future or in the past. This moment, something really strong in your heart. Otherwise, what will happen is the mind tempts you all day at work, and then when you're done with that situation, it is telling you, 'See, you're like this at work, it's not happening.' Then the whole day you're not in it. If you with integrity use every moment that you notice that you can, then God will take care of the rest.

I don't feel like I ever said it is easy. It's not easy in the moment. It is easy if you look at it like a life; it is not easy if you look at it in time. It is in that context that Buddha said one may overcome a thousand armies, but the one who overcomes their own mind is rarer still. He's not saying it's easy at all, but it is the only worthy way of life. And it is easy now, now, now. Okay, now the question is: Have I laid a foundation for us to lead a true life in God in terms of the pointings which have been made available to you? This, of course, doesn't mean that because the foundation has been laid, we have vanquished the mind and it is powerless. It'll tempt you next minute. It'll make everything about 'me, me, me' next minute. We don't know. But in that moment that you have before that starts, we can be with Him.

This is the astounding nature of this discovery: that God's presence is a living presence within you, not just a concept, not just an idea. It is a living reality, the only living reality. To live as if that is not there and the world is real is avidya, ignorance. To recognize His presence, to recognize the Atma within, is the letting go of avidya, letting go of ignorance, coming to true Self-knowledge. Able to follow this? All of us are as lucky, if not luckier than Arjuna also. How was Arjuna lucky? That his best friend was Krishna, the Lord of the universe was his best friend, he was his Guru. But you have the same Lord, the same one who comes as Ram, Krishna, Jesus—the same one is available with you moment to moment.

When I was a young atheist, if somebody had told me these words, I would have said, 'Crazy, he's crazy. It's not like that. You're talking about some biochemical organism. What presence of God?' In that way, I can say thank God for suffering. The suffering squeezes the pride out of us and it shows us the inability of merely conceptual knowledge to really help with situations. It's only when we run out of moves on the outside that we usually turn to the inside. Turn to the inside. Your eyes may be this way, but you live this way. One Swami Ji said, 'Antarmukhi'—turned inwards, always at peace, always happy. This realm of perceptions, you can't help it, it will show up. Waking state will come, it will show up. All the drama will be there, it'll happen here. But in reality, if you turn towards the Atma within, God's light within, what can shake you so much?

That doesn't mean you won't have moments where this will seem so real and you're completely turned this way, you want to fix it here. But when you recognize your error, just come back. Don't think, don't waste more time thinking about those things—about how I did that, why did I get caught up. That is the one-two punch. The 'two' is the knockout punch because the 'one' happens usually for a short time—a jab, jab. The knockout punches are guilt: 'I'm not worthy, what is the point of my Satsang, I've been coming doing this for so long, nothing is changing.' We have families to do that for us; we don't need to do that to ourselves. They will tell us anyway, 'You've been in Satsang so long, then only look at you.' So you don't have to do their job for them. You stay inward-facing. God's presence is with you. What else can we ask for?

If what I'm saying is true, then that is the only way that we should live. But you have to determine for yourself, you have to check for yourself: Whose presence is this? Most of you have come to a point where at least there is a presence you're not able to deny. And if you are, it's okay. Even if you say, 'I can't even find the presence,' it's okay. At least you are with integrity trying to find Him. That is fine. But if you say that you have found the presence and presence is here, and then you are not living with it, then I will not take the excuse. You found Him and you're saying, 'No, no, I would rather make friends with Maya rather than Him.' If you say, 'I haven't found Him,' then at least I say, 'Okay, let's look together, let's be more humble, let's be more faithful.' But if He's here for you and you can say truly with integrity that there is a holy presence here within yourself, then why leave that? There's never a good reason to leave that. When the mind tempts you and the world seems real, at least there will come a point where you will notice that you're falling into that mind trap. Then snap out of it and return home.

It's like you had a nightmare. If you spend the rest of your waking state talking about the nightmare, the nightmare is continuing. You had a nightmare, you got caught up in unreality, then you notice you got caught up in unreality, but you're still talking about how you got caught up in unreality. When you see all of that, that unreality is continuing. Instead, what should we do? Return to God. That is what I'm saying.

Is God really God? In those really testing moments, you can really see that faith is required because you show us that faith is fully available and God is here to run our lives, but then in those moments, that's the real taste of it.

Exactly. But what I'm saying is those moments are gone. The mind has won. You're Rocky Balboa and Drago has won those rounds in the boxing match. But in the other rounds, if you still think about those rounds where you lost, then that won't help. You have to fight for your truth.

You feel sometimes even noticing that we are caught up is not enough, that we need strength. Because it is possible to notice and still go along with it. 'Oh, I'm so caught up in the mind, but what to do, maybe I don't have faith.' Even that becomes a comfort zone.

It doesn't feel comfortable, but even the uncomfortableness of that becomes a comfort zone. You just feel like, 'At least I feel I'm right here, at least I know something.' It's very difficult to remain in the mind unless you're feeling right about something. Have you seen this? You may say, 'No, no, I just don't want to do it,' but when we are caught up in the suffering of the mind, even then we are feeling right about something. We are making the determination that to be this much 'right,' I'm okay with this much suffering. Notice this, just contemplate this. When it catches you the next time, just see this. Suppose you're having an argument in your relationship; there will be a point where you're saying, 'No, no, but I'm going to be right about this,' even though you're being 'mindy.' Being right in that moment in our own eyes is worth it? Actually, it is never worth it. It is only important to be right in God's eyes.

If we recognize the reality of God, then this will be quite apparent: that it doesn't matter what grading I'm giving to myself, how right I'm being to myself. All that matters is whether I'm really living in His will, whether I'm following His presence. The aliveness is allowed to move me, uncontaminated with my righteousness. A metaphor is coming: There's a beautiful temple of God in your heart, and there is a Maya-nagri, a realm of Maya on the outside. What you take to be real and where you spend your time determines the holiness of your life. It will seem like we are setting the foundation for that temple in our heart. And what are the building blocks of that? All that we discussed: our faith, our obedience, our humility, our prayerfulness, our gratitude, our patience, our compassion. All of these things are the building blocks for the temple. And love, of course, is very important. Love for God is a very, very strong foundation. It works both ways: you build the temple and God will come, or you recognize that God is here and the temple will be built. Either way, don't leave God.

The question always could be: Which way are you facing? Are you facing the heart altar, or are you facing the realm of Maya? I want to see one suffer while facing the heart altar. Can we suffer? Turn within and suffer? Suffering is only a symptom of giving reality to the unreal.

So when you said that if you notice that you went into some narrative, a mental adventure, you just come back. Don't find mechanisms in the mental adventure to find solutions for the mental adventure, just return to your heart.

What we keep doing is we got caught up in thinking, then we start thinking about being caught up in thinking and why we get caught up in thinking and when it's going to end. All that stuff seems like a nice comfort zone to remain in our 'thinking-ness.' Just return to God's presence. That's why these examples are useful: If Krishna was waiting in your living room and you got caught up when you went to the kitchen to make Him some tea, then you forgot that He's waiting. When you remember, what would you do? Would you continue in the kitchen saying, 'Oh, I forgot He's there, how could I have forgotten, how many times He may have gone by now, what am I going to do?' Instead, you should just return. Just return instantly.

These sound very simplistic when I put them in metaphors like this, but this is how we spend most of our life. Most of our life goes in this. Even those who found His presence within themselves, the mind tricks them and keeps them away from Him using all kinds of childish stuff. Sometimes it's just like we feel that this God whose presence can come in the form of Atma within ourselves is not the God. We just feel like He can wait. He's the one. He is the one that may come into the world in the form of an incarnation, but even an incarnation is an aspect of Him. He is the one in your spiritual heart, in your heart altar.

Maya is the biggest magic: how in spite of His presence being here, we can make our life about one non-existent 'me.' And when asked, 'Who is this me?' we point to a bundle of food and we say it is worthwhile to spend my life focused on this bundle of food rather than Him, the one who is the light of this universe. There should be a stronger word than avidya for this. It's like a sheer hypnosis of nonsense, a stupidity multiplied manyfold. To take ourselves to be this bundle of flesh and blood when His presence is available and apparent. Either we don't have an excuse—if you've come to Satsang and you've heard that He is available, then what are you doing with your life? And for those who can even say, 'But He's apparent, every time I turn He's apparent,' then why do you turn the other way? You should say, 'Every time I make the mistake of turning the other way, life seems like it is suffering, so I am not going to turn.' Instead, we say, 'But every time I look within I find Him.' Look outside as much as you now look within. Take what's within to be real as much as you now take what's outside to be real. Start with that much.

Some of you are trying to balance it out half-half. 'I'll take this half the time to be real and I'll take that half to be real the other half of the time.' Forget about it. It doesn't work that way. You have to bet your life one way or the other. This juggling business doesn't work in spirituality. Risk it. Just one lifetime I'm asking of you. You have so many; risk it on God. Do everything for God, guided by God, moved by God. If it becomes a big mess, then you have many more lives to come. But if you're being all safe about it to balance things out, neither the mind wants you to balance it nor God wants you to balance it. The mind makes an excuse and says 'balance it out' because it knows once you get caught up in it, maybe for this lifetime you're gone.

So really the question is easy: Is He here? Is He a living reality? And is there any other living reality?

Yes, but that is the conditionality.

We have to make it an unconditional love and unconditional reverence. In this world, there's a new term that's often being used; it's called 'whataboutism.' Have you heard it? 'Yes, but what about... but what about...' You have to stop the 'what-about-ry.' I like this word. Nothing about. Just leave it. And fundamentally, that 'what about' is 'me.' 'Yes, but what about me? My plans, my ideas, my roadmap for life?' Throw it away. Let every step be His. Why can't it be His? Okay, come on, speak up. Let's speak as friends, not Guru-disciple. Pretend we are having coffee together in some coffee shop.

It's an addiction. There's no good reason for it.

Do you feel like... how many of you feel like you can't follow Him because you haven't met Him? Just make Him your number one priority, then His grace will make it happen. Whatever Satsang you attend with whoever, that will guide you to that. Your inner Satsang will guide you to that. Once you make Him your top priority, then the right videos will come, the right contemplation will come, the right books may come. He lays the way very beautifully for those who are truly looking for Him.

One thing that helped me—not from any cynicism at all, just because of what happened here—is that God gifted this one with some skill sets even in the world. There was something here about being used to the label of being like a 'young achiever.' As the love for God took over, I felt a lot of that. Many well-meaning uncles in those days also tried to tell me that those who catch the spiritual bug when life is over for them, it's just wasted. I got that kind of feedback as well. But I started looking more and more, and at this point, I realized that actually nobody cared that much about me. Nobody really cared. There was a time where everybody loves pulling other people down, especially in that kind of environment. There was this 'young CEO' and all of this stuff, and then when all that stuff went away, for a few weeks people were like, 'Oh, look at this guy, what happened to him?' In a few weeks, nobody cared. Everybody is so busy in their own stuff. That gave me some reassurance that they're not actually that bothered.

When the invitations stopped coming, thankfully—and I never enjoyed those things anyway—I was very grateful actually, because for me it was always a chore to go here and there. But I'm sure you are also finding, as I found, that Grace just every step of the way, God's grace does it so well. We may not realize it in that moment, but when we look back at it later we say, 'Wow, I'm so grateful my company went away, all that stuff went away, all the labels from the world.' They set you up and then you have to work to keep up to that image in their minds. I'm very happy it happened at a very early age here, that all that was tasted at some level and by God's grace it all went away. And by the way, I'm not saying that it has to go like that in your life. Different experiences may happen, bigger work may come, we can't really predict any of that. But hopefully I'm saying with integrity that here, between a king and a beggar, I don't care either way. This life has to be where everybody looks at this one as a foolish beggar, a stupid servant of God—not even servant of God, just servant, that's fine. If somebody looks at me and says, 'Oh, you are the highest one,' it just means nothing. What's important is that God is here. He is here.

So you can just have compassion for your other brothers and sisters in the world. They're living as if this stuff is important and they're missing out on what gives life to life.

Just adding on to that, in my life I feel like everybody has left me apart from my nuclear family. Friends have all just vanished; everyone's lost interest in me. It doesn't hurt me, but I do wonder where did everyone disappear to? When I was leading a very stupid life, everyone was very much there. Everyone's vanished because I'm not interesting at all; I have nothing to offer. And if at all I have to say something, it irritates them. They tell me I'm foolish and I'm daydreaming, utopian, and talking absolute rubbish. Some of them lead spiritual lives, but this is just too much. It sounds too radical and really foolish. I've also stopped... I feel like it's maybe God's grace just clearing the whole space. The other thing I'm struggling with is the people that are remaining are my two babies, a one-year-old and a three-year-old. I find I love them, but I don't have any interest in hanging out with them, playing with them. I do what I need to for their survival, but I don't feel like going to the playground. I just want to sit and be. My husband and family are saying I'm very lazy because they're having to step up. I feel guilty, like I'm not a good enough mom, but I genuinely don't have an interest.

It's very natural for the world to label us as lazy. How many of us have heard this here in this room? All of us have heard it, right? It's very natural if you're just sitting in God's presence. The world would prefer it if you were out partying in pubs every night. In fact, one of the wives of a Sangha member... he would tell her that he's going to a pub to party with his friends because he could not tell her that he's going to Satsang. What happened one day, thankfully—God's grace works like this—he came to Satsang and she got very upset with him. Then apparently there's a very angry version of me that comes in dreams. In the wife's dream, I came and apparently I fired her, saying, 'Why didn't you come to Satsang? You should have come.' Then she didn't stop him from coming to Satsang after that. This dream one is very scary, helpful sometimes.

When I listen to this, I just hear a lot of Grace. A lot of the invitations stopped coming and I was not interesting because we could not resonate with the things they find interesting. Spirituality means something very different compared to the rest of the world. For a lot of others, spirituality really means how God is going to help me, and here it's mostly how am I going to serve God? How is my life available for God? I feel like the best way to be the best parent also is to follow His will moment to moment. Allow His presence to move you, allow His presence to guide you. Don't have a position either way. Don't say, 'I'm going to do this with the kids,' or 'No, no, I just want to sit.' Leave yourself empty for God to move you. Even 'I have to be a certain way' can become a subtle mental position. Just be empty of that. If you're truly living in God's presence, then that is the best parent anyone can hope to have. Be reassured in your heart that if you're following His will, His grace will take care of everyone.

[Ananta invites another Sangha member, who has two older boys, to share her experience. She notes that parenting is often over-hyped and that nobody really knows what a 'good parent' is. She encourages the seeker to trust her heart and not feel pressured to constantly entertain the children.]

We can't actually even predict what kind of parenting will come from here. The expression that flows with my kids is a complete molly-coddler; if my kids are around, I'm just with them, playing with them. So we can't judge either way what kind of parenting will come; we just have to trust it moment to moment. We can always take feedback. Those who are well-meaning, we must always listen to them. We must not ever close ourselves. We must be open to what the world is saying, but we must check that in with our heart. If someone who really loves us tells us something, we must bring that into our contemplation and say, 'Is there a mistake? Is there a blind spot?' Otherwise, very subtly, we can also become arrogant in our spirituality, thinking 'I know better.' If you feel the hurt when someone tells you something, we know that there's an egoic something there, an identity. But we make ourselves available to hear and to contemplate in our heart whether there is something to that feedback.

Father, just wanted to get some guidance. The way I'm normally practicing these days is from being, I sort of try to go and say, 'Now who's aware of the presence?' And then that sense that I have to be there for anything to be perceived at all. Then that sort of creates a distance and you say, 'Okay, so then the body is an object in me.' Would you say that that's okay, or would you recommend coming to the presence and saying, 'This is God and I'm handing over'?

Let's look at it in the reverse. What is the goal of any sadhana? The goal of any practice has to be to come to the insight about the truth and to come to the living presence of God. The insight which is purely non-phenomenal is the highest insight. To remain in that or to just abide in the presence of God—either is good enough. If we spend even a fraction of our lives in that, it is hugely different from what our lives were. From everything that we have found now, we have to find that which takes us away from mental activity to a sheer absence of everything except the highest insight of yourself as pure awareness. That would be like a Nirvikalpa Samadhi where even the body, breath, world don't seem to exist anymore and it all just dissolves. If you find that inquiring brings you into that, then that is a very worthwhile practice. Or if it brings you to His presence within you—Savikalpa Samadhi—where there's a being which hasn't dissolved but nothing else remains, that is also good. The trick is to be fully empty of inferring, of making any conclusions. Just be as 'asleep' as possible while being awake.

God has been very kind today. Before I got into Satsang, I took some medicine and I was wondering whether today's Satsang would be just silent because everything seemed to be clogged. By His grace, He's blessed this one to be able to share today. There's also a sense that I should go and rest this body now. I'm very happy that all of you are here and together we have this opportunity to share His life, to meet this greatest gift that has been bestowed on humanity. I'm very grateful to all of you that you've given me this opportunity to share that which for me is undoubtedly the highest holiness that can be spoken about. May I always remember that Satsang is as important to be heard here as it is to be heard by all of you. It's as much for this one as it is for all of you. May there never be any pride that this one is some Guru or Master who is accomplished. Thank you all so much. Bless you.