All That Is Good in You Is Only Him - 8th December 2023

Because that's the goal, isn't it? That's the goal. I want to achieve the goal. I want to win at self-inquiry. I want to win at enlightenment.

Yeah. And what will that win get you?

Well, part of what drives that here is pride, and part of it is knowing that I have never been more at peace and fulfilled and beyond suffering as I have at those points when the truth was seen clearly and the illusion was seen through. So it's a mixture of this egoic...

Yeah. Who saw through the illusion? Which one is that?

In the experience, there was no real 'I' there. There was just awareness and intuitive insight.

Yes. So the 'I' which is proud, the 'I' which wants to win, you say—or you are saying—that that one was not there at that time. If that one was not there at that time, then this proud one, or this one that wants to win, which is a construct of our belief, that one truly doesn't want you to come to the truth that you may find through self-inquiry. It probably wants the illusion of a particular state or the illusion of a life which is better, a life which is more peaceful. Some of these goals may be there. Now, self-inquiry, when it is done for attaining a particular state, you see, or even winning at it, you see, cannot really succeed because it's like saying that I will consume the poison and have the antidote. I will consume the poison and have the antidote. It can't really work because we keep consuming the poison of this 'I', the egoic 'I', you see. And now we want to make the inquiry also a tool for this 'I' to use so that we may come to a particular position or state.

And you yourself said that actually when self-inquiry really brings me to insight, I see that this 'I' isn't really there. Now, if this 'I' can come and go, then we must make our life about something else, because this 'I' is going to go. That which can come and go is going to go. So our life has to become about God or about truth, which is the same thing, but the texture with which you may approach that texture may change based on whether you really, really want the truth or you really, really want God. So do you really, really want any of these, either of these? And if at the moment it may not seem like I really want the truth or I really want God, then I'm going to try and tell you why it is important to set aside internally all other things, all other goals, and keep God at the center of it or the truth at the center of it.

Because God is the only one whose living being is palpable and present within yourself. You say 'my life', but that life actually comes from a presence which is holy and it exists within yourself. To live in denial of that presence or never having found that reality of God's presence is not to have lived at all. And that is the very purpose of Maya: to make sure that although we have life, we don't truly live life. We live a zombie life, a dead life, without being in the presence of life itself, being in the light of life itself, you see. So my job is really to tell you that you must not waste your life, because everything else that you may chase on the outside is going to go. It's another few years before it all goes away, you see. Even all the victories that you had, even all the accomplishments that you may make as Mahesh, they will all be gone. This whole world will vanish. But your only grasp on reality is to come to the presence of God.

And if there is something really which is worthwhile, then we must come to this that is worthwhile, which is that it is true that God lives within ourself. His presence is available to us within ourselves. Our life only comes alive with that presence. But to live in denial of that and to live in the seeming reality of Maya, you see, is ignorance, is avidya. And what I'm saying to you is the truth of the discovery that has happened here through His grace. And I'm telling you that if this had not happened here, I would have continued to live in the delusion of the reality of the world, but my life wouldn't have even started. So can I say just one last thing, which is that the thing with living in the presence of God or finding the presence of God is that your fist cannot be holding on to the false 'me'. It must be empty of that, you see. Then we have a chance.

So the 'me' will try to make a desire even out of this and will try to say that if you do this practice, if you do this technique, then you will win at this, you will accomplish it. But the idea is not to win at this; it is to completely lose at everything, even at existence. Lose at it. What do I mean by that? Don't try to live a certain way. Don't try to be a certain way. Just allow His will to move you, to guide you. If you don't lose, then He can't win.

There was a grasping for looking for something, but what you say now, I feel that letting go of that grasping... I was trying to reach something instead of just being.

Why do you live? Why are we living? To be the manifestation of the unmanifest? Yes. So that's already true, isn't it? Then what else is left to do? Can you be the unmanifest of the unmanifest? You can't be. Well, you can in sleep state, but when waking is there, manifestation is there. Is there something we have to do to pick it up, to lift it, to create it? So the trouble is that once the manifestation appears, there are two main modalities of living, two main ways to live. The first is to take yourself to be something that is transient, something that comes and goes. The second is to not fall into that identification, you see. Empty of misidentification, the presence of God becomes apparent according to His will, when it is His will, you see. But we cannot hold on to 'me' and to Him.

Who is that Him? It is that the core of that unmanifest absolute reality manifesting as being itself, that which we may call God. So the appearance of the world mixed with the ideas of the mind, when believed in, bring our focus to the objects of the senses. We believe that this is reality and everything else is just made-up hocus-pocus or high-sounding spiritual concepts, but just conceptual and not real. But in reality, the only thing that is real that manifests is His presence, is the primordial vibration of His presence. The rest of reality we only know intuitively. Okay, so have you come to His presence?

Yeah, yes.

So then you have no excuses, you see. Because those who may say, 'But I haven't found His presence, it's still like a concept for me, I can't really test the veracity of the truthfulness of your words because it is not my direct experience that He is here.' But you say that it is true He is here. So to use a metaphor, you're saying that God lives in my living room, but I'm just busy in the kitchen all day. Would that not be considered ignorance?

One who doubts whether or not the presence is present is part of the play. You said the doubts?

Yes, yes. So you must remain in the presence so much that a doubt about the presence being there, or whose presence it is, both become laughable. You must take that risk because someone who you trust is guiding you this way: that your life must become only about that presence. Because that is the Atma, that is the Holy Spirit, that is God's presence. Inwardly you live there; outwardly it is His business to take care of whatever needs to be taken care of.

The only reason why we gather, the only reason that all of you are here in the room and in the virtual room, is because by His grace His presence is apparent here. That is the only good thing that is here. You're not here to see a bundle of flesh. You're not here to hear more spiritual concepts; I'm sure you have enough of that. But your heart may be drawn to Him, and it may feel that to come in the presence of satsang, to be in a togetherness, may make my presence a reality. It is a reality, but Maya seems to obscure it. So to recognize it as the highest reality of our living existence is to come to the sat of satsang, that is the truth of satsang. To live as if God is not here, as if only a body made of food is here, is avidya, is ignorance, is falsehood. So everything must become about Him. Inwardly remain empty for Him.

If you had one seat at your dinner table and you could invite the richest person in the world, the most popular movie star, or the best looking—all of these options, whoever you wanted—but you had the option to invite God, then who would be silly enough not to invite Him? But what we do instead is that we go sit on that chair pretending to wait for God, but instead we have to leave the chair empty. Is it so? That is the difference between a true spiritual practice and a spiritual practice which is meant to make 'me' better. A self-inquiry so that I can be more peaceful, I can be happier—me, me, me, you see—then it doesn't really become spiritual. It may be a decent practice as far as the world is concerned; as a worldly tool it may be fine. But when does anything become spiritual? Only when it is about spirit. And what is spirit? Spirit is the presence of God.

Most who are in so-called spirituality, it appears as if most of them will not encounter spirit in their life. And even if they do encounter spirit, they will soon forget about it and make everything about 'me' again. So we must not fall into that trap. Where are the ones who are astounded by the fact that God's presence is here, that are awestruck by it? The ones that cannot believe their luck and privilege and honor? Those are the ones that we must be. Otherwise, somewhere we are just diluting it, we're making it conceptual, we're not really, really living in faith that this holy presence is God's. Your heart is telling you very clearly that this presence is not phenomenal, it is not individual, it is God opening up His hand to you that you can hold. And in that way, it is the most beautiful gift.

Are we not astounded by this fact? That if God had to make Himself available purely phenomenally, so then it would become like an object, see? Ah, God has come as purely phenomenal, so this object is God. Or like the absolute reality of God, if He was only purely non-phenomenal, purely noumenal, you see, then for most of humanity it would be too far-fetched to approach Him or to meet Him. So what has God done? God has made Himself available as presence. So when I ask you, 'Can you find this presence? Can you meet it?' you can say yes. You can say yes because I can sense it, you say. But what is its boundary? It is boundless, infinite. So that infinite is purely intuitive as a discovery for you, and experiencing it as the most primordial...

If God were only purely non-phenomenal, purely numinous, you see, then for most of humanity it would be too farfetched to approach Him or to meet Him. So what has God done? God has made Himself available as presence. So when I ask you, 'Can you find this presence? Can you meet it?' you can say yes. You can say yes because 'I can sense it,' you say. But what is its boundary? It is boundless, infinite. So that infinite is purely intuitive as a discovery for you. And that experiencing it as the most primordial, the most primal, as the most subtle vibration, is at the cusp of phenomena and non-phenomena. So God's presence is both phenomenal and non-phenomenal because you can taste it in its most subtlest taste. Like water—you recognize the taste of water although you cannot say whether it's salt or sweet. So you can meet Him through this helping hand that He has opened for you. What greater privilege can there be?

What is the obstacle? The obstacle is only that the world appears and we buy the stories about the world that appears, especially about the set of perceptions that we call the body. All we have to do is let all of that come and go. What you think you will give up cannot be compared with what you will find. But you cannot hold on to the false and expect to come to the truth, just like you cannot expect God to come for dinner if you've not even kept a chair empty for Him. So we must change our ways. We must stop making whatever little is left of our life about the non-existent ego, but really make it about Him, about God. When you are in His life, what is missing? What else can we want?

The mind will keep saying that you've invested so much in various things, in various aspects of your identity, you see. It says, 'Let's prove ourselves to be right about that and the rest we can give to God.' But this needing to be right, not willing to write off your narrative and all aspects of it, will keep the chair occupied with the make-believe ego. The only valid place for this 'me' who remains in spite of the highest insight, in spite of clear recognitions over and over again that there is no individual me—yet the sliver of belief in the egoic identity remains for all humans—the only valid place for that one is to be a servant to the will of God.

So, true knowledge—it's not really 'either/or' but let's put it that way for a moment—true knowledge, Atma Gyan, which is intuitive; true love, which is unconditional and therefore for God; and true servitude, which is just being empty and available for Him to move us and for Him to guide us. When we have no other inner intention but to live in this way, then our life of spirituality really begins. If this is hitting home for any of you, you're recognizing that you misunderstood what life is, then you must quickly find a way to your heart and not spend any more time living life in the way of the head instead of the way of the heart.

The mind will only offer one thing, which is: 'But what about me? But what about me? But what about me?' Nothing about nothing. What about the dream character that you thought you were in your dream last night? What about it? It's over. The dream is over. Soon this dream will also be over. Don't waste your chance to come to that which is beyond the dream. Is there anyone who feels that there is no such presence of God? None of you. So then, when you are alone by yourself and not in the peer pressure of Satsang, what do you say to yourself? And you can keep it to yourself, which is whether you have found Him in this way or not.

So you can have two answers. The first answer may be that 'When I look with integrity and I'm not fooling myself, I have to say that I haven't found Him.' That could be your first answer. Or your second answer could be that 'I have found Him, He is here, but I don't really follow His will all the time. I still go with my mind's desires and aversions. I go with my self-will and not God's will.' These are the two possible answers. I don't feel like anyone—at least this man cannot say that—'Yes, I have found Him and I'm only, only living in His will.' In fact, I have to admit that I'm just a beginner in this path of living this life fully in His will and only in His light.

So what to do if your answer is the first one: 'I haven't found Him' or 'I still doubt'? I may not vigorously in Satsang, but inwardly I still doubt whether what I'm experiencing is just a sensation, a biochemical reaction, or am I really finding a holy presence which is His presence, the light of Atma? What you have to do is remain empty of 'me.' Remain empty of the 'me' as much as possible and use the tools of self-knowledge or insight along with a deep love for God and a sense of deep devotion, deep servitude to Him.

And that servitude will never be servitude till you have pride. Till you have pride about knowledge, till you have pride about the body, till you have pride about your experiences, till you have pride about the way you live your life. And pride is to take yourself to be better. Till you think you are better at anything and you don't recognize that all that is good in you is only Him, till then you will not be free from your mind. Pride is a big problem in the path, our primary path being of Jnana Yoga, because a few concepts understood mixed with a few spiritual experiences, all of us start believing that we are something special. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Humility is really, really important. Without that, most of what I've said, although you may think you have understood it, may have missed the mark actually. Then faith is really important. To live a faithless life is really to live a Godless life because God, although He has sent us the lifeline in the form of the presence, God is not an object of perception. He is purely an object of faith. And most of us actually misunderstand what faith is. We feel that faith is some elevated form of belief or like a blind faith, which means that I just have to believe deeply. No. All beliefs will come and go. All beliefs can be kept aside. Faith is a deep trust in what your heart is showing you, what your intuition is pointing you to.

Those who can trust what their insight is coming from their heart more than they take their hand to be real, those have started to have some faith. Most of us talk so much about God but we take this object to be more real than God because we still trust our perceptions more than we trust our intuitive insight. So faith is not compliant belief, but a trust in the right tool of knowledge, which is your intuitive insight. The Satguru presence is showing you a truth, but what do we take to be real?

So what are the qualities of a good servant of God? Deep humility with integrity to notice that you are not better than anybody else. Then deep faith that you can trust your heart over what your mind is telling you. And remember that your heart is not the emotional heart, is not the physical heart; it is the intuitive center of the Atma within. It is telling you about, it is showing you God's reality purely intuitively. To trust that is to have faith.

Obedience is the next quality of a true servant of God. Obedience means 'Let Thy will be done.' To make ourselves available for His will to be done. To be moved and guided only by His will. To draw intentions only out of His prompting. To be empty of self-will, which means what? Everything that you think you want, you must keep it aside. Truly be available as an instrument of His light. And that is what I'm continuing to learn because there are still times where I will rush into something, not waiting for Him to move me, thinking that I'm right, thinking that I know the way it must be. And that is ignorance because He is here. That is a lack of faith because it is a denial of the fact that He is here and He can run this life.

Prayerfulness, gratitude—both of them go together in some way. To be able to commune with God, to be able to communicate with Him—can there be a greater gift that we can receive? Your faith will tell you that it is real; your mind will tell you that it is all made up. And to give thanks to Him, you don't have to wonder what to be thankful about. That your heart is still beating, that the breath is still flowing, are two things which everybody can pray for or be thankful for. And there is so much more than that. So really let's change our ways. Let's remove the impostor at the center of our life and replace it with the true one.

Live in your heart. There you have self-knowledge, you have love, and you have servitude. If you live in your head, you only have selfishness, suffering, time, space, desire, trouble basically. So this kind of transformation is what I've been calling the way of the heart, and sometimes calling building a temple in our heart. When our life becomes like this, then our life becomes a temple of God. Those who are by us have a chance of meeting His presence because we are living in His presence. So my job is only one: is to construct temples, but not outer temples; is to construct heart temples.

Okay, was that a question? All my love and prayers for Lucia who's about to begin some medical treatment for the next few weeks, so let's all pray for all auspiciousness, all Grace to flow into her life. One says, 'Father, I want to come to you in January.' You can, I'm here, everybody can. Next one says, 'Can God be found partially, like finding a part of Him and not the whole for the moment?' Can God be found partially? No, not really. But we must not feel that—there's a popular belief in India that once you come to God then you are forever free, like you get a darshan, you get an awakening experience and that's it. But in reality that is hardly ever the case.

To come to this holy meeting in your heart is very beautiful, but that is the beginning of our spirituality and not the end. It is an ever-deepening: deeper insights, deeper love, deeper servitude. So when you meet Him, you meet Him intuitively, and a moment of intuitive insight is all of self-knowledge. But what can happen is that the mind can distract us again, may use even that to make us special, to make us into a special 'me' now. But as long as you're living in the heart, it is not possible to meet God halfway, and yet it is ever-deepening and ever-sweetening.

Father, I find it a bit difficult when you say 'till' but the meaning is 'whilst.' Okay, I mentally have to switch the word. Yes, 'till' we don't come to it, 'whilst' we don't, yeah, I see. Then next one says, 'Father, my mother is in a lot of pain mentally and physically, very slow, please bless us.' All my love and blessings. Nobody wants to experience physical pain; it is painful by definition. But for physical pain there is a threshold, there is a boundary. It is never fun for anyone and I'm not saying that, oh, being here when it comes it's nothing, but I'm just saying that in the human experience there is so much pain that we can experience and after that we lose consciousness, as they say.

And this amount of pain, when met in acceptance and openness, still may continue to be painful but it's much easier to handle than the suffering that comes when this pain is given to the mind and the mind makes reports about them and we start involving the egoic identity with the experience of pain. Then that suffering seems to be much more amplified. So this mental pain we must be free from. We must drown what is left of our mind in our heart, in God's light.

Namaste, Father. I want to be clear about this thing about 'what about me?' When you say that we have to give up...

That comes when this pain is given to the mind and the mind makes reports about them and we start involving the egoic identity with the experience of pain, then that suffering seems to be much more amplified. So this mental pain we must be free from. We must drown what is left of our mind in our heart, in God's light.

Okay, let's go to details. Namaste, Father. I want to make, I want to be clear about this thing about 'what about me?' When you say that we have to give up the 'what about me' part, the pride and all these things, this is the thoughts, no?

Yes, exactly. So, okay, that's a good question. So if the question is that if I'm already open and empty—I'm open, I'm empty, no thoughts are being believed, there are no narratives, there is no 'me'—then where is the question of pride and servitude? But are we like that? Are we not right about so much? Don't we still know so much? Have we really returned to the innocence of a child? So I haven't seen anyone, including this one, who doesn't need to be in servitude because they are so empty. In fact, in satsang what's happening a lot these days is when I'm mentioning servitude, all of you are remembering more to be empty as an avoidance of servitude.

But Father, servitude, it means... just explain.

Faith, humility, obedience, prayerfulness, gratitude, compassion—all of these beautiful things are servitude. Being empty to follow the will of God, available to follow the will of God, right?

Wait, wait, wait. So right now, what do you want to be clear about this? Yes, I want to think about it to understand because, you know, I want to follow the will of God.

Yeah, okay, we use this as an example. So right now you want to understand, isn't it?

Yeah, yes.

So is that coming from God? It's coming from the mind. So first we must become empty of that individual will, the self-will, you see? Because, okay, let me expand on that a little bit because this is important. Individuality consists mainly of self-will, self-concern, and self-importance. So right now your will for yourself is 'I want to understand.' Did you wait to see what God wants from you at this point or how God is moving you right now?

Your question is if I can see it?

My question is whether we could have waited for God to guide us in terms of what to say, what needs to be done, even what needs to be understood. But we don't do that. We instead go in our own understanding, in our own mind, intellect, you see? So this one that wants to understand has to be kept in servitude to God, must become a follower of God's will. Now you want to be empty of that, whatever you want. Be empty of whatever you want because for now it may seem like to be a servant of God is difficult, is oppressive; 'I would rather live on my own terms.' But in reality, we are either a servant of God or we are a servant of the mind. There is no other 'me' that we are following.

Yeah, Father, when you say this, I want to know what do you mean really? So like this, that this 'you want to know,' you see, is whose will?

Do what you say, Father. What if I don't know what are you talking about? How can I...

So you want to understand, isn't it? You want to understand?

Yes, to be ready to do it.

To be ready to do it. I'm saying drop whatever you want right now, you see? And now you may want something to happen.

I dropped it.

Now you may want something to happen to you, so drop that. Be empty with no expectations. See, because if we fill ourselves with our egoic will, there is no chance to follow God's will. Yes, there is this impulse to understand or to know. Yes, so we must be empty of that. Empty of individual concerns. What does God want right now? You ask? No, you're presuming. Did you ask Him? He said, 'God, what would you have me do? What do you want?' He said nothing. Nothing like that. If it was like that, it's okay. But we presume, we just presume. So our mind says, 'Oh, God doesn't need us, God doesn't want us to do anything, God will say nothing.' So that's again going with our own understanding, our own individual will, rather than God's will.

Yeah, Father, I believe that as much as possible I try to know. When I see that I have a want, not sometimes but many times, I just drop it.

Yes, you have to drop it and be patient. How many of us feel that God doesn't hear us or can't hear us? Huh? You feel? How many of us then feel that God can't respond to us? Even if He does hear us, He can't respond. How many of you feel that He can hear us, He can respond, but He just doesn't? Because He's God, so obviously He can hear us. A God with limitations is not God, so He must be unlimited. So He must be hearing us, He must be able to respond also, but He just doesn't. He doesn't make it clear that He's responding to something I asked. He doesn't make it clear. He doesn't make it clear. So His response is not on my terms, that would be like completely clear to me. He doesn't follow directions well, is one way to look at it. If you're going to respond, make sure it is in the right paragraphs, left-aligned.

Father, what I feel is that for me it's like a... I don't know. When let's say He responds, but I don't know if it is His response or the mind, you know what I mean?

And I've said over and over, we talked about the three tools you can use: whether there is the presence of unconditional love, whether His presence is palpable, and whether your reality as the Self is apparent to you. The deeper you get in your insight, the subtler the tool that you can use. But to begin with, you can start by noticing if there is the presence of unconditional love. That is His way of responding. That His presence and His response is accompanied by unconditional love. Now we want it to be different. What is the better way for Him to respond, Father? So unconditional love is the presence. The presence of... what is the better way for Him to respond?

Comfort. I'm... where? Then my kids... it's not me. No problem. I remember going to like... okay, okay, always. Hi, this is my... hello. Did we... did I meet last time? No, she's from the Philippines. I see. Hi, yes. Thank you for having them. Sorry. No, not at all. They were no trouble at all. They were no trouble at all. I mean, they were trouble for you. I remember meeting... he was the same one. No. Hi, sweetie. Looking forward to seeing you. Yeah.

So let's deepen in this contemplation. We say, 'Why can't He respond exactly the way I want Him to respond?' His response comes in the presence of love, in the palpability of presence of being itself, in the insight about the absolute reality of Him. We should be asking, 'What would you have me do?' But suppose for a moment He's saying, 'Okay, what would I have him do?' What should that answer be? If He gives it in some other way, you will say, 'I don't know whether it is from my mind or it is from You.' So what way would be acceptable to you?

What I meant was, pray for something, yeah, and then He gives that. But at that time I've forgotten already that I was asking for this. Okay, and then later I...

That's His fault? No, but it's clear. It's like something becomes very post-facto: 'Oh, He actually answered my prayer.' Kind of. I'm not getting the trouble. What? No trouble, but I would have more gratitude. How? What would you want Him to change? What is the feedback form you're giving Him? Suggestion box? You know, the way You respond, all this unconditional love and just being and self-knowledge beyond time and space, You need to change. Move with the times. So what I want to do... so the mind basically wants... we want servitude from God and not servitude to God. That's why the trouble comes. Why can't God just listen? But then who is the servant? Why did He create so much suffering in the world if He's God? But He created you, you created the suffering. So He should ask us, 'Did I give you a world full of suffering, love, all this strife? I gave you the ability to go with your own terms or live in My light. See what you've done with your own terms.' It's very convenient to turn it around and say, 'Oh, yeah.'

Father, I feel that much of the time maybe I fail to ask for something or... yeah, but I don't really know what is the best for me. So I finish, tell Him that 'Thy will be done.' The question is, are you available for Him? Not that 'I don't want anything for myself, so it's fine, He can do His own thing, I can do my own thing. I don't want anything from Him, He shouldn't want anything from me.'

No, Father, it's more like, 'I don't know anything and God is God.' You know, I don't know anything and God is God. Yeah, I mean, an ignorant... so what is our relationship? The 'me' who remains. So let's be clear first. We are talking about that one, the 'me' who remains, that wants to understand, that wants to be spiritual, that wants to lead a good life, you know, in a good way. So that one, what is that one's relationship with God?

But this one is the ego and his thoughts, and he's asking God.

Yeah, so that one, while the ego remains—and some element of that ego will always remain—while this ego remains, this ego must have their head bowed down to God, to be available to follow His will, to love God with all their mind. And keep the head of this ego bowed down to God is what you said before: humility, gratitude.

Yes, humility, gratitude, faith, obedience, prayer, all of these things. And this is everything. All this is because you are empty of the ego, isn't it? All this is that I want to know.

Yes, so as long as the ego still remains, all of these elements are very important. So as long as the one who wants to understand, for example, still seems important, then that one must become humble, deepen in their faith, learn a deeper obedience, pray more, be more grateful, deeply love God. Okay, let me take a metaphor. Bhagavan said that there are two wings of this bird: Gana and Bhakti. You see, this bird is what? Spirituality or a spiritual life has two wings: Gana and Bhakti. Did He say you must flap, flap, flap with Bhakti first, come to Gana, and then the other wing falls off, it's just the Gana wing? No. Is it that our intellect which wants it that way? It wants an absolute finality. 'But I saw there is no me.' Who is this 'me'? This one, this one. I don't know if this part becomes clear. The one who says, 'There's no me. No, I see there's no me.' So who is the one that should be the Bhakta? That one who makes the claim that there is no 'me.' We can either be a Bhakta of the mind or be a Bhakta of God.

Father, you say that this one who is saying 'I saw that there is no me,' this one has to be a Bhakta?

Yes. Okay, you see? Because that one didn't see anything. It is just making claims about an intuitive insight. Is it? Okay, very good, very good. Thank you, Father.

Yeah, so when you say take instruction from or live in God's will, so either it's mine if it's not, or it's the presence of God, Being, or God Himself. So who has to follow now? You'll say it's this one who is asking.

Yes. Who is this one who is asking? So this one who is asking will get direct instruction from God. Is there a state that's going to come for you? So okay, let's even talk about satsang. Is it you say XYZ, ABC, whatever? The question is, that question mostly will come from the mind. Yes. When the answer comes, if it is truly received—so if the answer is 'Can you stop being?' suppose, or 'What is your reality?' or 'What is your boundary?' or 'What do you find to be true?'—any answer comes, does the capacity of asking the question have the capacity to receive this answer? So there's an intellectual crack somewhere which we want to fill up, so we ask the question, 'But how is it like that? I don't understand.' You see? But when the answer is received, for a long time it may be received in the form of a concept. So you feel like, 'Okay, you found the...' see, what is that? Doctor fix-it or mental heal, and you fixed your intellect. It's complete now, I understand. But then something else starts to weaken. But when the answer is truly received, you may say, 'I heard it in my heart.'

We receive this answer, so there's an intellectual crack somewhere which we want to fill up, so we ask the question: 'But how is it like that? I don't understand, you see.' Now, when the answer is received, for a long time it may be received in the form of a concept. So you feel like, okay, you found the—see, what is that? Doctor Fixit or M-Seal—and you fixed your intellect. It's complete now, you understand. But then something else starts to weaken. But when the answer is truly received, you may say, 'I heard it in my heart. I just—I didn't understand it so much, but I really hear you.' So many of you respond to me like this: 'I hear you.' What are you trying to say? I'm trying to say that my mind may not understand what you're saying, but I'm hearing you somewhere. And that is when satsang becomes Consciousness speaking with Consciousness. If it merely remains an intellectual or mental exercise, then it's a discourse; it is not satsang.

So, for many who come initially, that is the struggle because they are still trying to understand first. Trying to understand. So we call that process defrosting—starting to use the right instrument to fall from head to heart before we can even have a single sharing with each other. So the mind has the capability, the capacity to ask the highest sounding question: 'What is God? What is the nature of reality? Was I born? Will I die? What is Atma? What is Paramatma?' It can ask all these questions, but what can it receive in response? Just a word, just a concept, just a sentence. It's just a web of concepts. But there is something within you which has the capacity to recognize a greater reality—that knows that you love, that knows that you are alive, that knows that there's a presence here, that knows the absolute reality of yourself.

So that is how satsang is different from a usual question-answer format because although the questions may come from the same place, you see, many times the one who is sharing satsang may not even seem to answer the question. Because I'm really not concerned about what concept you have in your head. I couldn't care less about that. What for me is an urgent task is to bring you to God, you see. So sometimes I feel like I'm running an ambulance service, whereas all of you seem like you're on a cruise. You just feel like that. Like, are you seeing this stuff? There's no time, there's no tomorrow. 'Where's my peace? I was promised a piña colada along with peace,' you see. It just seems like that sometimes, that we are operating on different time frames.

So really, all I'm concerned about is how to bring you to this—as Jesus called it—the Living Water. Living Water of spirit itself. Because truly, it is true what he said: once you have that, you will never—your thirst will forever be quenched. So what happens is that there's a period of switch-over from head to heart. During that switch-over, some tantrum will come from the mind, some frustration will come, some—all of these things will come. And it's okay to expose them in satsang, to ask the questions, to let them go. But we must not get very attached to like keeping one foot here and one foot there, you see. Like hedging your bet. Just like, 'If this becomes too hot, then I can go that side; if that becomes too hot, I can come this side.' That doesn't get us anywhere. Just dive in. I already asked you to risk one life for me. This one. You have millions. One life. You risk this one life. Just like so many dreams you have, so many lives. It's not such a big deal for those who can really say, 'Okay, I'm going to not hedge my bets. I'm going to fully risk it.'

Even if you feel I am a foolish, deluded con man, whatever, liar, cheat—and if you feel like any of that, you don't have to come. But I'm saying that once you say, 'I feel you're sharing the truth,' then don't hedge your bets. Risk it. What will you lose? Death is coming anyway. What will you collect here otherwise that you will take in your death? Nothing. So what I'm calling a risk is actually the only worthy way to live. But sometimes, many times, it will feel like a risk because it is contrary to your ideas, even your ideas of spirituality. What are the times where you get most upset with me? Those are the times where I have not confirmed your idea of spirituality and I have said, 'Not even that,' isn't it? You're like, 'I had constructed it very nicely, it was all clear, like this only.' I feel it, I feel it, and I'm just like, 'No, no, leave that also. Leave that also.'

Then it's—see, how I should ask this, because it's always there. My—ever since this whole spiritual journey started, my jaws are always locked. It's very tight and it's on fire and it's so uncomfortable and painful. And now it's more so than ever. Now I feel like it's throughout the day. So I don't know, is something wrong? I don't know what it is. Shouldn't I be in a state of ease with my everything relaxed? I don't know what this is and it hurts. And it's—I feel like it's a stressful state, but it's also burning. But then there's also the grace and I feel the presence. So I don't know, I feel like a total basket case. Like there's a whole whirlwind of turmoil and strong emotions and, you know, strong energies like negative energies all in here alongside the grace. So I don't know what that is. And there's a lot of yawning that happens, yeah, very often to me also, which I've heard Guruji speak about. But this locked jaw, I don't know what that is. If you can please either remove it or shed some light.

When it is happening, like sometimes what happens is that you're in some deeply meditative state and you notice that your face is going like that. For me, I would feel it more like on the top of my head, you just like—like that. So I used to always have that kind of thing. But while that was happening, although to the body it was painful, somewhere I always enjoyed it, you know? Because I was a youngster at this and I didn't have like a proper Guru to guide me moment to moment. So at least when that was happening, I'd feel like, 'Okay, something is happening at least in my meditation.' So I used to feel happy and reassured that something somewhere is happening. And also in that experience, I felt like, you know, things which are out of the ordinary are happening. So I felt like this must be spiritual. I felt like it was reassuring that way because my eyes never went that way and my perception never became so different like that, empty of all of that perception.

So all of these experiences will happen. I don't know about 'always,' which—

I don't know that that can happen. Like, it's there even now. It's an energy, it feels—it's a strong energy. It's just—I can't even create—I mean, this did not exist before I was on this path and it hurts. It really hurts. The sense of the energy, the—

Does it feel fiery and auspicious or does it feel like dark and oppressive?

It feels fiery. I don't know if it feels auspicious. I don't think it—I don't know. It doesn't feel nice. It doesn't feel nice at the body level.

But what can happen is that—well, even when there's this pain, just see if you can check on that. Because sometimes a lot of like our being has so many different layers, and as you're moving from head to heart, a lot of transformation happens in all those layers. And sometimes there are things which are like blockages and things like that which need to be cleaned out. So that process of clean-up doesn't always feel fun. But that's why I want you to be able to just look at this over the next few days intuitively and tell me: does it feel like it's doing a clean-up job or is it feeling oppressive?

I definitely feel a clean-up job intuitively, yeah. Because it's just something that's just, you know, it's inexplainable and it's so energetic. And then over here, from this part, it feels very clear. It feels like there's just a presence watching from these eyes, but then this whole part is just oh, so tight and such a strong energy.

What about in the heart?

If I'm in a stressful situation, I feel stressed in the heart. But at the same time, now when this is happening, these things, it's okay. I've come to be at peace with it, like to just let it be. But it's not—it's not easing. I feel like it's intensifying.

It could be, but trust that in this—along this path—a lot of these things happen just on their own. A lot of the clean-up happens just on its own. A lot of the energetic movement which is auspicious happens just on its own, in the sense that we are not doing any particular practices to activate them or to keep them or to push them away or something like that. It is just in the presence of Grace all this will happen. You must keep trusting your heart to guide you. From what it sounds to me, it sounds perfectly fine. Sounds perfectly fine. And my feeling is that as you go along, it'll seem like—I feel like something is opening up here from what you're saying. Yeah, it's very—it's almost like sparkly when I look at your—yeah, it's magical. So then that whole thing, sometimes it can flow from like that, sometimes it can flow like that. So the best thing you can do is not give it to your mind at all and just keep trusting your heart. And as you keep deepening in your satsang and deepening in His presence, all this will—but I don't want to say ease out because it may seem to amplify before it goes away.

Yeah, I feel like, you know, I just feel like all my tendencies, things that never existed before, like such strong emotions, negatively—negative things, like negative tendencies, everything's just coming. It's like I don't have a minute to deal with it. It's just back-to-back. I'm like firefighting.

You have—firstly, you have a one-year-old and a three-year-old. Two. They don't stop. They don't stop. All that will—yeah, that is really like full-on. So know that this is probably the most difficult activity-wise to give attention to, to small boys that is, and then also to be in the—

They don't stop. They don't give me a minute, yeah. But apart from that, I feel like I'm like emotionally—like apart from the kids, life is just throwing everything at me. Like I'm going through like a washer, you know? It's just non—it doesn't stop. And when Guruji said, 'Freedom is free but it's not cheap,' I'm really feeling it now. Like those words. It's really not cheap. Like everything, everything has to go. And I'm going through that now, that whole—and so all these energies are there and then there's so much yawning. Like sometimes in these negative tendencies, it's just I'm yawning and yawning and it's hurting and, you know, like—and I know I can't go with that past behavioral pattern, you know? Like everything's very, very apparent. But it's almost like I feel tired. Like I want a bit of a break, like you know, maybe a day's rest to then deal with the next. But it's not like that. At the same time, I have to be free.

Shorten that time frame from a day to a moment. Expect a moment's rest now, now, now. So that will keep it—make it a bit easier. Also anchor yourself in God's presence. Do you feel that you can love God?

I only love God. Yes, yes, yes.

But like in an intuitive, direct experience moment to moment. Just loving moment to moment. That will anchor you a little bit. That love will strongly serve as an anchor and it will also help you with all this stuff. So every moment when you're caught up in stuff, then you're caught up in stuff. Don't then do post-mortem and things like that. The moment you get a moment free—and it will feel like a war for some time because it's full-on at the moment—but by His grace, may you soon be at a point where inwardly you are anchored and outwardly it may still be a bit like that, but it doesn't feel like you are moving or you're shaking or there's so many demands on you. It will just—you will just a lot of the time be anchored deeply in His presence, and outwardly your life may still be full-on because it is going to be with two children.

The moment you get a moment free, and it will feel like a war for some time because it's full on at the moment. But by his grace, may you soon be at a point where inwardly you are anchored and outwardly it may still be a bit like that, but it doesn't feel like you are moving or you're shaking or there's so many demands on you. It will just—you will just a lot of the time be anchored deeply in his presence, and outwardly your life may still be full on because it is going to be with two children. So you have a sort of sense of what to do. Just hold him deeply in your heart.

I'm like a raving lunatic. I'm like talking to him all day. It's like living in a—it's like being a mad person. I mean, it's the only person I communicate with all the—this thing that I can't see.

All of us are like this. You come to the right place. I'm mad, and I don't have any—of course, some of us are just talking to him saying, 'Why aren't you responding the way I want you?'

All I know is I feel—I feel something like my vision is not like it was before. Everything looks different. I don't know, it's almost like everything looks a bit mystical. I can't explain it. I just have to go with that. So even when all the stuff is happening, that kind of vision is still there and I just have to—I just place my trust in that.

Yes, yes. So take that. Beautiful. And our outer vision does become like that, but the best use of that is to find him and be with him. And I'm so happy to hear that you're talking to him all day. It doesn't sound mad to me at all. Beautiful. Don't worry, all these feelings of stress and being pulled in so many directions will settle more and more as you settle with him. And hopefully when the kids are a little older—you're welcome to come anytime—but it'll be easier for you when they're a little older. You can spend like a month or something.

Yeah, I haven't even gone to see Guruji in four years. Like, I can't leave them for a minute, they're so young.

Fine. Soon we'll be talking and they'll be all grown up, going to college. And that's what happened with my son and my daughter also. Now she has about her first admission in America, so she's also going to go home. So it just passes like this. I know day to day it can seem like, 'Oh, there's so much, so much.' But you know, this life is literally like a dream. So before you know it, they'll be grown up and you will be saying, 'Spend some time with me, have dinner with me.' 'No, Ma, I have a date, I have to go out.' Soon they'll be busy in their own stuff and then we miss their clinginess. A few years back you were clamoring to, you know, climb on top of me and give me a hug; now you have to call them and say, 'Come give me a hug.' They're like, 'No, Ma.' Things change. So I know it's tough, but at some level enjoy also that yes, you are the center of their attention at this time. It won't last for too long.

And please bless me for this to fully, fully happen.

Yes. My blessing is that you not want anything for yourself, including freedom. You only want to serve him more and more and deeper and deeper. When do you go? You go tomorrow?

No, I'm coming on Monday.

And Monday, you know, we thought the primary is not the broadcast. It's only on Fridays that the primary is the broadcast. So Monday you can, if you want, get them and we can spend some fun time together.

I should bring them towards the end. What's better?

Get them, we're fine.

I find it very stressful because I want everyone to—

Yeah, I remember being like that when our kids were small. That is when I first started going to Guruji. And we were constantly concerned about them disturbing others and things like that. But I feel like in India, I feel like we are a little more used to these things. Thank you. Let's go to Adrian.

Namaste, Father. What I—I don't know if I know what to say right now. I used to have—I had something I wanted to ask, but I don't know right now if it's—it's been quite some time since you—it's okay. You know, I asked you in the chat about if God can be found partially. Why I ask that is because sometimes you ask us, 'Do you feel God's presence?' Yeah, sometimes we, you know, put our hands up. And I can say when you ask that, I can say that—I mean, maybe if you would ask now if I feel God's presence right now—right now I don't know actually if—right now I feel—

Yes, yes. Take a moment. Just be empty like that. That is good. Do you have a sense of amness? Like you are present, a being is here?

I feel something, yes. Like not very strong, but I feel in my heart somehow something.

Just stay with that as much as possible. Initially it may seem like you have to stay with it even with your attention, and then you realize that there's something deeper than even attention which keeps you anchored in him. And allow all activities and movements to happen as you remain in that presence. Initially the mind will trouble you and say, 'I don't know whether this is really it.' But you can always share with me and I can help you identify. But also know that because your intention is truly to be with God, then even if you're being fooled with some sensations for the moment, even that grace will take care of and help you deepen. If what you really want is to be with him, then even if there's a mind trick that you're following, even that will be made auspicious by his grace. So start like that. Sometimes it may seem very, very subtle, but it is always very subtle, but something seems to become so palpable and apparent while it doesn't lose its subtlety. So I know these words are not really understandable in the mind, but somewhere you recognize them. But just carry no other intention but to be with him.

Thank you, thank you. Yeah, when I asked that question, I could feel—I could feel, you know, a strong belief in the mind. I could also feel it here, you know, like—and I didn't know. And right now I don't feel that belief. I feel it dissolved somehow. But this presence can get deeper. Sometimes it's not so deep, sometimes it's more subtle. It's always encouraging to feel it, to—like you say, like God gives a hand. And somehow I feel that that's not the whole of God.

Yes, yes, exactly. It's just the—it is God's fishing line. God has sent his fishing line to you so that you can grab it. You take the bait and then you can be pulled in completely. So it's like that. You can use that metaphor, or it's like a dog, you know, we catch the scent. We catch his scent. So our job is not to leave the scent. We have to follow that home. Just have to follow it home deeper and deeper, more and more. It's the most beautiful, awesome, all-inspiring inner adventure that we can have.

I can see how—yeah, you say the lane is too narrow. Yes. And I can—sorry, my—

One sec. So we lose the scent immediately, no? The instant we are contaminated with 'me, me, me,' this, 'What about this?' all this stuff, then it seems like we lost the perfume, you see? Then it takes sitting and praying or sitting and doing the invitation, inquiry, something to bring the scent back so we get the perfume again that we can follow. This is the hypnosis of the mind. Although the presence never goes anywhere, the power of Maya, when we put it into narratives which the mind offers, then we seem to lose the holiness, the holy perfume within our being. And then it seems like we are disconnected from God. And those who get used to living in God's light, the feeling of disconnection feels very oppressive. So we then, like a fish out of water, we clamor for the connection again and we come back to his presence. And may that become all our lives, where even a few moments of being selfish in the mind, full of pride, then we feel like we are a fish out of water and we need to return to him immediately.

I can see how the mind creates boundaries around things and the world and the people. And you know, when everything—I feel that the truth is everything is one, everything is God. And this pride—if I can expose this thing, okay.

Yeah, that's good, that's good. So pride, all of these things will be there, but just allow these thoughts to come and go. You see, when you were in school or college, did you fall in love with a girl? Yeah. So what happened when you fell in love with that girl? Well, you forget about yourself. Yeah, you forget about yourself. You forget about the teacher in the class, you forget about everybody else. You have eyes only for her, at least for a few days, isn't it? It feels like that. So just like that, you have to return to that where everything else can go on around you, but you have eyes only for God in your heart. It just—and the more this becomes your focus, the more this love deepens. It is not like a teenage infatuation which just goes away soon. This is the love of our life, really this. Everything else is just a reflection of that love. So like that, may your life become like that, where you get so deeply in love with God that you don't notice what this one in your head is saying, what the others around you are so concerned about. Let that all go on, but you are fixated with this one.

Yeah, and somehow I feel that grace somehow brought me to a point in my life where I don't have so many moves left in this world. I don't know, I don't know what will happen, you know.

Yeah, only auspiciousness will happen. When God is central in your life, all will be well. This is the right way to live. Very, very, very you.

Yeah, thank you, thank you. Sometimes I think that maybe there's also some pressure because most of humanity is living, you know, in other—not in the heart. And sometimes maybe also this pressure is because the teachers of God are so few in the world, maybe. And it's true that it takes a lot of faith and trust in the Masters. And when many—sometimes people that I meet tell me that, you know, 'Why don't you get married? Why don't you do something with your life?' you know.

So, one child. So okay, let me start somewhere else. So yes, the teachers of God are too few in the world, and the authentic ones who are really living in God and sharing from there are even much fewer. So it is very important for the few of us that are gathered here to really—for our lives to become a temple of God so that God's light can be spread. Because just like our life was before we came to God, all our brothers and sisters in the world, most of them are living like that, and our compassion doesn't want them to continue in that way. I was saying that one of the children in the satsang, she sent an invitation to someone that she hadn't met for a long time for the Heart Temple movement. Then she had some conversation with this older man in his 60s, and he said to her, 'Oh, it looks like you're brainwashed. It looks like you're brainwashed.' So this is what the world's usual reaction will be because it is not the popular way of life. It is not the way most are living. So when somebody, anytime in the world, when somebody has proposed an alternative way of living, they've always been met with this kind of skepticism, cynicism. And so we are not to expect anything different. We will be laughed at, we will be called losers wasting their lives—all these things will happen. It's fine. It's completely fine. You see, that is where faith comes in. You're right, you're absolutely right that this is where faith is needed. Do you trust your heart and what you're finding to be true? Then we must stay on that path. And this is the time where it will seem risky. It will seem risky that, 'Can't I just balance a bit? Can't I just balance it out? See, can't I do both?' No. Inwardly you have to leave it for God. Outwardly the balance is for him to do. Thank you, thank you so much. Very good. Okay, let's go to Sam.

Hi, Father. Hello, hello. I'm sorry.

It's okay. I—I—

But you're absolutely right that this is where faith is needed. Do you trust your heart and what you're finding to be true? Then we must stay on that path. And this is the time where it will seem risky. It will seem risky, like, 'Can't I just balance a bit? Can't I just balance it out? See, can't I do both?' No. Inwardly, you have to leave it for God. Outwardly, the balance is for Him to do. Thank you. Thank you so much. Very good. Okay, let's go to Sam.

Hi, Father. Hello, hello. I'm sorry. It's okay. Um, I don't know why I come, but um, yeah, it feels like today this satsang is just constant darshan of God. It's unending. And uh, yeah, what can one want? Anything else? I don't know. I don't know how I even forget, but thank you so much for bringing me here again and accepting me. And I shall not forget You again. And I don't know, it's like I just want to put everything, everything, everything into the fire, whatever I—I don't know whatever that means—but yes, just this. Just this. And I don't know how could I forget? Like, I don't know how this happens. I don't know anything. But if it has any meaning, like, I just want to dedicate and offer myself to this.

Good. Very good. Very. There is nobody who can judge a sister for forgetting because there is nobody in the world probably who is beyond forgetting. So we must all realize that we cannot judge each other. I cannot judge you for your moments of forgetting, your time of forgetting, because I'm not beyond forgetting for a few moments either. So we are all in the same boat in some sense, and we are all helping each other to live in His light. So don't be—don't feel—don't be hard on yourself. Just be grateful for the fact that you're back home and you are living in Him. Good. Very good.

Like, beyond judgment, I just don't want to live here. I don't know. Like, oh, I don't know anything now. It's just so naturally you just want to be here. And but still, I don't know. Just, just this. Thank you. I love you so much.

Love you, love you. Thank you much. Very, very. You see, this is the human condition. All of us, we come to insight, we confirm it, we commit that we will live in the way of the heart. Then something comes. The world plays a certain way, the mind throws things at us, we forget. Forget. Then we seem to fall down for a bit, but then we just have to keep getting up. But it's not an oppressive fight. It is the moment of—so in this boxing round, when we are up and fighting, it is pure light. It is pure holiness, you see? That is the difference. When we fall down, it is when—that is when the punches start. It is when we've fallen on the ground that we are beating ourselves up, actually, like that famous creature in the Yoga Vasistha with a thousand hands.

So there was this story that some of you may have not heard, where there's this monster in a jungle who is suffering so much. Then he comes across a sage, you see? So the sage sees that this monster has a thousand hands, and each hand is a weapon, and the monster is hitting himself and saying that, 'I'm suffering so much, save me, save me.' So the sage says, 'But who are you?' And there's one monster who hears the question, you see, and all his hands start falling off. He becomes empty of those weapons of self-destruction. But there's another monster in another parallel—you know, the Yoga Vasistha is all parallel things—so another parallel realm, there's another—the same conversation happens. And this monster says, 'I'm already suffering so much and you attack me with this question about who I am? How will that help me? Go away if you can't help me,' you see?

So this is the nature of the human condition. Something makes us open, we take on the question, all these thoughts, all these hands are what? Thoughts, beliefs, concepts, vasanas, conditioning. So they start to fall away and we come to peace. And another time, the same question may be asked, but it is looked upon as an attack. We cannot do anything about this. So the best we can do is be grateful for the times where we can be in His presence, when we are left unharassed by our thoughts. You want to come back? Okay.

By or not sure. Um, like Father, I was—I was wanting things. I don't know now. It's like this one thing was just so alive for comfort, you know? And yes, but actually, of course, it's just—sorry, just give me some time. No problem. It's just a big delusion, Father, wanting comfort. It's just nothing at all. Like, I don't know, I fell into this and uh, I was thinking that I'm just—I was really wanting this. But I mean, it's just a big delusion, this one thing for comfort. It's just nothing. It's just that is just, yeah, dead. And uh, yeah, this is—this is somehow I—I wanted to bring this because it's something strong and it may come again, and maybe it's good to expose it and come in. I don't know. Like, just comfort. I hear you. Just let me not fall into that again. And if I became like falling, just pull me back, Father, and always keep me here, please. I always believe that I want comfort, but it's nothing really. And I see this and I can go there, but just this now, this time. And actually, I find so much joy in confrontation—like, I don't know if this word is proper—but like the opposite of comfort. It's just so alive. Yeah, just, just this. Yeah, thank you.

Conflict. Conflict. Yes, yes.

Like God left me without food and all this stuff, but actually they are nothing. I mean, even this is actually—is good, like to not having food. And it's even not true. Yeah, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, my dear. Bless.

Okay, let's go to Di.

I'm not sure what to say. Take, take. I just need your help, yes, to know my true Self. Yes. And yes, right now, physically not very well because I just came back from the hospital and uh, it's not letting me concentrate, the pain at the back of the head. The attention is going there. But is it okay to want physical wellness? Because when we hear the way we speak here, it almost feels like you shouldn't even care about the body and the pain and—but uh, then this comes now, that it's natural to want wellness and ease. Yeah, yeah. So is that okay?

Let's start with this. Yes, yes, yes. As much as is natural to not want to be in pain, that much is all right. That much is all right. That which naturally—see, otherwise what can happen is that in our wanting to be free from pain, we make the resistance to the experience of the pain so much that the experience seems to actually amplify. In fact, um, I keep experimenting with all of this stuff, but um, there are also studies on this that people in hospitals have published some papers where they found that pain that was accepted, met with openness and acceptance as much as possible—it is probably not possible in the human condition to have zero resistance to pain, so some amount of it is natural, so I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty or unworthy about that—but with as much acceptance and openness as we can muster, when pain is met in that way, people have actually reported a lessening of the experience of pain. And the more it is met with resistance and the question of 'Why me? When will it stop? Why does this have to happen?' then they experienced a deeper form of suffering, you see, which is both mental as well as physical.

So that is—that is what I was probably trying to communicate earlier in the satsang. It is not that we'll become superhuman in some sense and utopian where the pain will be fully, fully welcomed all the time. But um, but our attempt should be as much as possible to meet it with as much acceptance as we can muster, so that then our focus continues to be on the fact that His presence is here with us. The mind will try to tell you that, 'But what about this condition?' you see? 'What about this physical condition?' But um, really it is the opposite. What is more important, what is more urgent, is our need to spend time in His presence, in His light. The rest of the world is shining in His light. So that is the most urgent need that we have. The most urgent treatment that we need is also the treatment away from taking Maya to be reality and His presence to be conceptual. His presence has to become a living reality for us. Everything else is coming and going.

And you asked earlier that, you know, how can you feel God? And I felt like uh, it's not like He needs to do anything, but it's like I don't know how to perceive Him. I don't know how to pray. I don't know how to hear God. It's like if I say also, I feel only I'm saying it and only I'm hearing it.

Yes. And that is the—that is my job in some sense. That if you come to satsang and you keep coming to satsang, my job is to try and give you a sense of the way, a smell, a fragrance of the way to come to Him. Because it is really not possible to templatize and say step one, step two, step three, step four. But in hearing the utterances that come from the heart in satsang, then somehow something starts to deepen and to clarify, whether we understand how it happened or not. We see, most likely not. We don't understand how it is that a few weeks back it seemed absurd, the concept of the presence of God, and within a few weeks, if it is His Will and Grace, then His presence may start to feel palpable. It may start to feel tangible. It may feel like there's an anchor of light within ourselves that we can hold on to. When life is squeezing us in all directions, then at least we have a refuge within ourself to hold on to and to find comfort and rest and peace and guidance, you see? All this can only come from Him.

So, so a lot of um, what we shared today in some way hopefully gave you a sense of the lay of the land, the roadmap in some way. But as you deepen, deepen in your intention first to dedicate your life to Him, and then the path will become clearer and clearer, you see? Because there's a way of inquiry which is insight, there's a way of love, there's a way of servitude. All of these work together very beautifully to create a beautiful spiritual life. So whatever attracts you first, whether it is to love Him deeply or to inquire into the nature of who you are or to make yourself empty and available as a servant. If um, um, I don't know why this is coming to say, but um, if we look up to Shri Hanuman, it is because that he made himself available unquestioningly to serve Ram. So, so that is also a beautiful way. And this—what seems to resonate—changes for us day to day, even moment to moment it seems to change. So the—the selfish ego is getting cornered from all directions and being asked to drown in Atma Gyan, in love, and in devotion.

So uh, I know at one point for me it felt like uh, I know God loves me. I just remembered this when you were talking, that at one point it was just like anybody could say anything, I just knew it. I don't know now. I guess I just got more foolish with age.

But uh, it's okay. It's okay. Sometimes the discovery is more valuable after we've gone through a period of delusion. After we get off the track and to come back home, that has a certain sweetness and maturity to it as opposed to—because all children actually know these truths. Everything that we shared in satsang, they may just laugh at it because somewhere intuitively they have a sense of all these things. But as we—but there is something beautiful to getting into the delusion, getting into the egoic way of life, and then returning back home, you see? That is why we don't put children on the pedestal and ask them for answers, because although intellectually some find that very sweet and nice, but it doesn't work. Because once you've been through the Chakravyuh and found a way out of it, only then you—you've been through the ups and downs enough to be able to share God and His light.

So the question I would ask is not whether He loves you at the moment—I have no doubt about that fact—but uh, but can you love God now? And how deeply can you love Him? Because you will find that as you deepen in that love, you will find that you can—you will not be able to tell whether this is your love for Him or His love for you.

Yeah, I feel like I don't know how to do anything. I don't know how to love Him. I don't know how to do the self-inquiry at all.

He is enough to be able to share God and His light. So the question I would ask is not whether He loves you at the moment—I have no doubt about that fact—but can you love God now? And how deeply can you love Him? Because you will find that as you deepen in that love, you will find that you will not be able to tell whether this is your love for Him or His love for you.

Yeah, I feel like I don't know how to do anything. I don't know how to love Him. I don't know how to do the self-inquiry at all.

It'll deepen. All these things will deepen. Also, because you're going through a medical situation at the moment, all these things are also playing on your mind at the moment. But for a few weeks, if you can just keep coming to satsang, then all these things will seem more and more natural to you.

There is the... you know, through this is where they do the treatment. There's a tubing and so I don't know. It's like now it's becoming difficult, the flow. Maybe not, but so far the last few days it's becoming... and there's a bit of a threat there. There has been a bit of a threat for a while that if this doesn't work, then we can't give the treatment. And so he kind of wants me to kind of do something painful. So I think there the mind gets hung up that, no, I don't want to go beyond this. I never had this feeling that 'why me?' This I don't have. I'm not feeling... in fact, sometimes I feel 'why not me?' But it's been going on for a long time now. Like, I don't know, sometimes the progressive path makes you feel like maybe something got accidentally recorded on the screen of the mind and which is why it's manifesting like this. It was a mistake that happened.

Yeah, don't worry about all those things.

So it's like it's trying to teach me something and I'm not learning it. Is it like this?

Don't worry. The only thing we have to learn is that the reality of God within ourself is more important than every circumstance. And of course, it's very difficult when all this dialysis and fistula... I just went through many years of seeing this for my father-in-law also. So I realize how painful it is and how much of an oppression it can seem like. But really, if there's anything to be learned from it, is to just come to His presence, to rush to His light more urgently, more importantly than everything else. And just try it my way, where you just find your place next to Him in your heart, at His feet in your heart, and just let this world unfold. You control only that; let Him control all of this. So I know it can sound difficult and may even sound easier said than done when the body is in this particular situation, but this is really the time where it's really important to do so. Thank you. And just your full-on intention to be with Him will make the way clear. I know that it may seem like you don't know how to inquire or to love Him, so both Bhakti and Gyan seem to be distant for the moment. But just try it. Just carry the intention that you want only Him and you see how your life will transform in the shortest time.

In fact, now I felt when you said the last thing, like, yeah, now why is... I don't identify with this. It doesn't feel like me even to talk about it. It feels, oh, it's somebody... like, you know, this victim thing. I don't identify with any of this. Even if I go to the hospital, they'll ask me 'Who's the patient?' You don't look like... right now I definitely do, but a lot of times I don't. So yeah, maybe you're right that, you know, I might feel that it's not me. It's why is not coming, that 'why is it happening?' But it does definitely feel that this... I don't sort of relate to it that this is going on. And for the longest time I didn't talk about it or anything. I was going to the hospital alone. I used to drive my... even now, driven myself to the treatment and driven myself back. And so family-wise also was completely kind of isolated and all of that did happen. It's still kind of there. And today someone was insistent to go along with me. So I... yeah, she has a lot of faith. Her part is of faith. So I feel I need help. Everything, for everything. The whole life, the physical, the mental, the faith. The challenge... faith is a challenge sometimes because it reminds you that look how long this has been going on. Of course, this threat is looming over my head because I'm like, I'm not going to go beyond this, and the doctor is like, you have to.

So I don't think fully... my full blessings, my full love, and may His grace bless you so deeply. May you spend so much time in His love and presence that the suffering of the world, that the suffering of your body, may it seem lighter and lighter. All my love, my blessings.

Thank you so much. And can I come to... I don't know, I get two days between the treatments, which also... everything is possible, it can get well also, I don't know. But if I can come to Bangalore, you let me know what are the days when, you know, this is... it's a regular satsang? I'll try to just fly for two days and come and attend satsang.

You're always welcome. Everyone is always welcome to come and satsangs are open. There is no precondition criteria, anyone can come, and I'll be very happy if you're able to come. Are you in touch with anybody of the sangha yet?

Yes, I have the other group where they post it, but I will try to get in touch with them. Maybe...

Yes, yes, of course she can help you. And if there's anything, my number is also there. I'm not always very prompt in my responses, but if you're getting stuck somewhere, definitely please write to me and I'll help you.

We haven't probably met, but my cousin used to interact with you and indirectly... because he said very clearly to me when I started that, you know, Ananta Ji says that you don't have to do it alone, interact with people in your sangha. And so I made it a point that in my daily satsang, the person whose house the satsang was, I really got after his life to interact and ask him what's going on. And this is thanks to you. And I saw you in Rishikesh when Mooji Baba came in 2019, 2020. So virtual, but I guess, you know, you definitely have been a presence there for me also. Thank you.

I'm just happy to serve Him in whatever way. Very please come. I'll be very happy if you come. So I read recently that there was a famous tennis player which somebody my age may remember, which is Arthur Ashe. I don't know if you heard of him. So he had a situation in his life which was probably one of the most oppressive things that can happen. He got infected by HIV because of a blood transfusion that he took. So somebody asked him in his last days, 'Don't you ever feel angry with God? You're so deeply religious, don't you get angry with Him that why did this happen to you?' So he said that when I was winning Wimbledon, then I didn't ask, out of six billion, 'Why me?' And all this poor boy came from a poor neighborhood and became so famous in the world, then I didn't ask 'Why me? Why is He doing this to me?' So now when this is happening, I have nobody to ask 'Why me?' because all those things happened by His grace and even this is happening by His grace. A beautiful story of acceptance, because when these good things are happening in our life, I never say 'Why me?' or only out of some fear of losing it we say 'Why is it happening to me? Will it go away?' So deep faith is needed. Okay, let's go to D.

Hello. Thank you, Father.

Very welcome. Can you hear me well?

Yes, yes. I just wanted to say how the last week was. I've been doing this Jesus prayer in the morning, but also in the day. Like, I try to just say it all the time as much as I could, and I feel it's bringing some space. Like, there's more space. I can feel some space from the mind. I just wanted to say like, sometimes I really feel I'm just saying it, I'm just repeating the words, and I wanted to check if it's okay because I sometimes I don't find the feeling. I don't feel it's fully truthful in me, but I just say it. It's okay like this?

Yes. In fact, I'm going to share on the... but it's a Hindi one, so I just heard Anandmayi Ma talk about this yesterday. She said that even if it is mechanical, like just our lips are saying it or we are just mentally repeating it when we don't mean a single word out of it, even that has a benefit. Even that is helpful. And so we can be reassured that even mechanical japa, mechanical prayer, it helps in two ways. One is at least we are doing this instead of getting caught up in some other stuff. And secondly, even this mechanical chanting will help it make it a deeper, full of heartfelt feeling. So it's very beautiful and may you continue on this path. I was also realizing yesterday how much the presence here itself loves to pray. I don't feel like I've said like this before. I just noticed it also, that how much the presence itself loves to pray, loves to praise God, loves to bow down to the reality of God. And it's only the mind which gets in the way. So our job really is to just start the process and then allow it to unfold so beautifully in the presence. So if in the initial few days or weeks it seems a bit difficult to keep returning to it, it feels almost like work we have to do and a chore, it's fine. It's still very worth it.

Yes, but I can say it's either that or the mind. Like, I either say this or I just have all these thoughts.

To say this mechanically is much better than listening to the mind stuff. Yes.

Thank you.

Very good. Very good. Very happy. There's this beautiful book we've been reading called The Art of Prayer. The Art of Prayer is very beautiful because for the first time I saw in the Western culture also saying that there are two ways to pray. One is to do it with intention and to chant like that, and the second is when it just becomes natural and heartfelt. But it also said something very beautiful. It said that this prayer also becomes a prayer without words when you're just in the presence of spirit, which is very nice because that's very Vedantic, a very Vedantic way to say it. And the more I'm deepening in my explorations, I realize that whatever the religion may be, whatever the culture may be, if there is God at the center of it, it's all basically pointing in the same way. I'm very happy you're doing the Jesus prayer. It's very beautiful also, very, very.

I want to also ask for your grace that I come to really feel the presence and... yeah, because I feel more space but I cannot say I feel this deep connection that I know how it feels, but now it's like it's not there at the moment and it feels a bit lost.

Yeah, I understand. It'll come. It'll come, my child. So the temple has to be cleaned, you see? That is the space that you're talking about. So the cleanup is happening. So as the cleanup happens, then the presence will also, by His will, it will become more and more palpable. It is not that it is not there, but it can feel like there's a disconnection. So we don't experience it; it's not tangible. But as this spaciousness grows within you, the presence is bound to be felt, bound to become tangible.

Thank you.

Thank you. All my blessings. All my blessings are for that. Thank you. Okay, let's go to Muni, who's had quite a satsang. I've been noticing him throughout because he's been translating in Czech.

Yeah, thank you, Father. Yeah, I was doing the best I could. I love translating. I want to ask what's the experience from Gabrielle because sometimes I noticed when you translate you forget because you get tired and you don't... like, do you... it can be possible that you don't notice it? So I have to speak about it and I'm not so fast as I used to be. I used to do it so much and I'm not so fast as I used to be.

I had this experience of doing this where I did Hindi translation for Guruji, and translation like this, real-time. Yeah, there was one time earlier when he did in a smaller satsang where he was talking and then...

Because sometimes I noticed when you translate, you forget because you get tired and you don't notice it, so I have to speak about it. And I'm not so fast as I used to be. I used to do it so much and I'm not so fast as I used to be. I had this experience of doing this where I did Hindi translation for Guruji, and translation like this in real time. Yeah, there was one time earlier when he did in a smaller satsang where he was talking and then he was pausing and I was translating in Hindi; that is much simpler. Well, I can't really say simpler, but this one is just full-on because there is no room to evaluate, to judge; just the words are coming and you just... it's just pure, pure Zen. You can't have room for the mind at all, you just have to go, you see. So he was saying, for example, soup, and I was saying Dal, you know? It was just something was very alive. So some people said, 'You could have just said soup, you know, because we understand soup in Hindi also.' But we can't; there's no time to evaluate those things. You just have to go, go, go.

Yeah, true, true. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, I don't know, I didn't have anything prepared. I just really felt somehow to speak to you. And maybe I don't like how you so beautifully somehow are rushing us so that there is no time to meet this presence. And I can see the trap that somehow... like for example, before I had the question like, 'Can you help me look if I really found God, basically?' But I see now even maybe this question can come from the mind, and this is the way that he can get trapped. And I can see now because you said it on Wednesday in last satsang, that even like my... beautifully actually, my days have been about like quotes; quotes and videos have been coming like... sometimes I feel even the question 'Can you stop being?' is now coming. I don't know if maybe too often even, but I'm with this very, very much somehow. Yeah, good, very good, very good. And if you can maybe please bless me and all of us that we come to this presence as soon as possible.

Yes, yes, yes. That is that is my blessing always for all of us. Okay, thank you, thank you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you so much. Thank you all. Right, thank you all so much for being in satsang today. Satguru Maharaj Ki Jai. Baba Guruji. Was there a question I missed? Seeker is still here. You want to come up and say?

Thank you. And I was asking you probably because I'm seeing quite a lot of suffering of others in the world lately. Yes. And you ask sometimes if we are willing to be a naked beggar on the street and still choose God. And it seems like the mind can come up with much worse scenarios than that, and those scenarios are actually happening in the world to people. And yeah, so there is just prayer for these things to stop happening to them.

Yes, yeah, yes. Full prayer, full prayers for that. And may this absurd, hellish world where brothers and sisters can do such unthinkable things to each other in the name of boundaries between maps and in the name of religion, in the name of God—may His grace bless us all to spread His light, to spread His love in all the brothers and sisters of the world. And all of us who are seeing these situations must bring as much as possible, with full integrity, bring as much as possible our brothers and sisters to His light, to God's presence, independent of religion, nationality, all of these things. God is one. His presence is here; it is the same presence alive for everyone. What we've always seen in this world is the symptoms of humans leading an egoic life. But may our lives be His blessing. May our lives point to His life. May we show, even if we show one other, the possibility of living in His love, then our life is worthwhile. So I join you in your prayers. I join you in your love and compassion for our brothers and sisters in the world. May God bless us all and maybe change our ways, maybe turn away from the mind and the ego and turn to Him. So I don't see any conflict in your question if you're feeling so much kindness and compassion for the world. And if something is flowing through you to help in an outer way, please, we must do that. It's very, very good. Very, very good. Thank you, thank you so much. I used to say this very often, that mostly when true spirituality collides with the world or interacts with the world, it is a lot of kindness and compassion, you see. It is not an aloofness or it is not a specialness of any sort of cause. It is kindness, compassion, love, please. And I join you in this. May God's grace bless you so much that it brings peace and joy to so many lives. Very good. Okay, all my love to all of you. Thank you.