God Exists, He Is Real and You Can Live in His Presence - 4th October 2024

So in the world of Maya, we don't feel like there's anything beyond this world of Maya. That is the human condition. We think the world is just between my birth and my death, and maybe my next lifetime and previous lifetime, all of those. But my life is within time and space. Outside this perceivable world, there is nothing. Then all these questions of why did all this happen, how did all this come, is anything real here, is this not a dream, is this reality—all these questions keep bothering us because there is no answer till you find that which is beyond this world itself. So if God's reality, the highest Self, is that unperceivable reality of pure awareness, then how will we come to that? Nothing we do in the world can get us there, isn't it? We may amass all the material wealth; what will that get us after we die? And I'm not saying we must not, we must be averse to wealth. I'm only saying that there must be something beyond this.

I was talking with a friend today and I was saying that basically every moment is either about material wealth or spiritual wealth. And material wealth is not just money; it is something that we want from the material world, you see? That we want people to like us, we want to have relationships, we want a bank account, we want to further the health of the body, and we want to understand more and more about how this world works. So all of this is about the world and there is no problem with any of that. But is there something beyond all of this? That which is beyond the material is spiritual. And do we need to build any spiritual wealth or no? That is the question we can ask. And if we are to build spiritual wealth, then the spirit itself, which is the Atma itself, has to guide us.

So one thing seems pretty clear: that whether we need an external teacher or not, or who the teacher is or not, that is secondary. But we definitely need the guidance of the Atma within, the Holy Spirit, the true teacher, to bring us to that truth which is beyond the realm of perception. Now suppose that you say that, 'I don't believe all this, that there is God which is beyond perception. I feel like this life is all there is. We have to be a good person and just live through this life and then we die. That's it.' Suppose that that is your belief. But now you've come to satsang and a person is telling you that actually your idea of your life and of this world is a little bit limited, and reality is much bigger than that, and there is the reality of God and His presence sits in your heart in the form of the Atma. Yeah, so you heard these foolish words. Now what options do you have? You can say it's all ludicrous, there's no point, it's all wasting our life. Leave it on you.

But suppose that you say that you admit, like I admitted at one point in my life, that I really don't know. Is this true? Is God the one God who is the God of this universe and every universe? Is His presence really here in my heart? Just like if you discovered that in one corner of your house there's a hidden treasure which can take care of everything. You may say it's a rumor, it can't be true, but all of us will still dig. Even if we hide from our family, we just go in the night one night and just dig and see, really, is the treasure there? So that is the introduction to satsang, that I just want to motivate or inspire this much: that I'm telling you what I take to be a fact and you may take to be a rumor or unreality or something too far-fetched. But just to make you that much open that the highest treasure in the universe can be found within yourself as the Atma is a living possibility for you. And your mind will doubt, your mind will resist, it will say, 'Not possible,' and 'I don't have time for this,' all of these things. But somewhere something may get seated in you which may help you to look, to dig for that treasure which is, in my words, the highest treasure that any human can ever find or discover.

And whatever might happen, you may be worldly in your outer expression, or you may be intellectual, or you may be a jnani, or you may be a bhakta, whatever it is. If I can see this in you, that this foolish man is telling you that God exists, He is real, and you can live in His presence; He exists in the form of your Atma and you can find it and you can live with it, then I've done my job. The rest is just the momentum from that which has to take over. But if the question doesn't change from 'What about me?' to 'What about God's presence?' then neither... I mean, in God's grace everything is possible, but neither are we deepening in our relationship with God and neither will we see any point of satsang. So really truly, even keeping all that we understood and all words of satsang aside, is there God and is He here now? Is it all just some hocus-pocus make-believe stuff? How will we, how can we approach this question: is there God?

Yeah, so I think the essence of my question is that... so if I look at my journey so far here, my life has literally changed upside down in a good way. I wouldn't want to go back even remotely to that whole world. I've said that before. And so where it is today is: is the presence felt? Yes. Is the recognition of mind and ego crystal clear most of the time? Yes. Everything is a yes. The only thing that is a gap or a doubt—and again, I'm not in a rush, maybe I should be in a rush, I don't know. I feel like anytime I have rushed on the spiritual path, I've sought for shortcuts or hacks, and it's better to be patient and trust grace that it'll show up when I'm ready. But to your core question, 'Is there God?' In my experience, where I am today is I can recognize the presence. And if I notice Arin's language in most satsangs, it defaults to presence. He rarely says God. And I don't know if he's doing it because he's not yet felt God exists or not, but I also default to that language, not because I have any resistance—none, actually. In fact, I have a spiritual envy, if anything. I'm doing paintings at home right now with our embodiment of Krishna and I'm doing them out of awe and love also. But if I'm really honest with myself, do I feel Krishna as God inside of me? I can't say yes. And the other aspect of this observation is I have faith that this presence essence must be God because Father is saying it, and it's faith in you that's giving me faith in God because I see you as an embodiment of that. I have not seen God anywhere else other than in you. So if I close my eyes and I sit in presence, I see you, and maybe that's enough. I don't know why I need to go beyond that. But when I'm in satsang, you are putting so much emphasis and power into God, and I'm not... that's not a criticism, that's why I'm showing...

With that, this presence, essence, must be God because Father is saying it. It's faith in you that's giving me faith in God because I see you as an embodiment of that. I have not seen God anywhere else other than in you. So if I close my eyes and I sit in presence, I see you, and maybe that's enough. I don't know why I need to go beyond that. But when I'm in satsang, you are putting so much emphasis and power into God, and I'm not—that's not a criticism. That's why I'm showing up every time over here, because of that spiritual envy, that I want to get there too. But then something in me says, 'You see Father in your heart all the time.' I was in the US for a month and you were with me every day, and yeah, I feel like that's enough. So something in me wants to say, 'Yes, I do feel God in me,' but then it's only Ananta Father that is in me, not able to see anything bigger than that. So that's the honest answer. Thank you.

Very good. There's so many aspects there that we can try and peel off and look at. So the first question, of course, was the seeming conundrum of patience, because patience is a very important virtue and not rushing, I keep emphasizing, is very, very important. And the seeming dichotomy between patience and a restless longing for God—what is the answer to that? Nobody can say. I don't have the answer. You must be fully patient, and that restless longing which makes you, in the words of Hanuman Ji, 'aakul' without God, that is also most auspicious. So both are most auspicious, unfortunately, and I can't say this has to be valued and this has to be devalued. I guess what we could say is that, yes, we must be fully patient, and it is the great divine longing which has helped us to transform our life the way it has anyway, even if it doesn't feel like it's like a grasping, which it isn't. The longing has a different flavor from the grasping.

So another beautiful thing to contemplate: the language of a spirituality which is almost Godless but with mild references once in a while to make sure that we are just keeping it under the umbrella of God is something that maybe for ten years of sharing satsang I excelled at. I was excellent at it. If you read 'Consciousness Speaking with Consciousness,' it will be probably a masterclass on how to speak in that way and how to term spirituality in those references. And that is a beautiful spirituality as well; I'm not devaluing it in any way. As far as it felt here, it felt fully beautiful, authentic, heartfelt, and leading to the realization of the true Self and the true presence which is within us of Consciousness.

So now the real question then is: is it a deepening which is happening here in Ananta's life where it seems like to mention a word in satsang without saying God seems almost wasted? To make Consciousness seem almost scientific in some way—that when we go inside, then we feel the presence of Consciousness there and Consciousness arises out of awareness—all of that is almost pseudo-scientific in some way because the language doesn't include awareness or Consciousness, especially Consciousness, not as a living being but as a scientific phenomena like gravitation or electricity, you see. So if you open the electrical circuitry, you will find mechanics and the electricity flows through that. If you touch any of the live wires, you will feel an electric shock. So then it can become like that, where you do the inquiry often enough and you'll come to a place where there is Consciousness, so you will meet that Consciousness, you see.

But in that Consciousness, when spoken about just in terms of almost pseudo-science, we miss a lot of the beauty of Consciousness itself in the form of His love for us. Firstly, deep, deep, deep, faithful, undying love for us as His children, as His beloveds, whichever construct we want to use that in. Then His intelligence. We may sometimes start to think of Consciousness like nature. 'Oh, nature, nature is doing all of this.' So it's like, almost like, what is nature? Is it God? No, not really. Is it scientific? No, not really. So it's like a pseudo-scientific term which is like, 'Oh, nature is like this' or 'The universe does this, this is what the universe wants.' Many times we use these terms, we are conveying that it has some sort of intelligence, but let's not go as far as to take it to be a living being called God, the Supreme Living Being, you see.

So something is either scared of that or has some conditioning about it, or just because it's a different stream of terminology, you see, which is not popular in modern Advaita. Then it can seem like, 'Oh, but now is this the Bhakti path? But I was on the Gyan path.' All these kind of confusions can happen. But can I really say that it is a deepening? I don't know. I feel like I'm just becoming more and more a beginner every day. But what is seeming clear to me is that if I can't have this kind of love with this Being in my heart, then it doesn't feel like this life would be worth anything at all. So if I'm not feeling this kind of love, joy, insight, peace, contentment because He is here, you see, then it's seeming like, what are we doing in spirituality anyway? It's like going for the best seven-course meal but just having some celery.

Again, I want to clarify, because these are very subtle things. I want to clarify that it is not true that if we look at this Being as your presence, as Consciousness, and we recognize that there is attributeless pure awareness which is aware of this Being, then that is—I'm not saying at all that it is some insipid, dry, boring spirituality, you see. In fact, if you look at the first few satsangs, the first few months of satsang that I shared, I had this satsang grin on my face throughout. Somebody would ask a question, then I would say, 'But whatever,' you know, like that, seriously, and then the grin would come back. I'm familiar with that grin because my jaws would hurt, you know, my cheeks would hurt just carrying that grin throughout. So it is full of love, it is full of joy, it is full of peace. All of that is completely true and that is God's grace.

But somewhere here, this expression started to change and it became more about praising God, giving Him the credit for all the grace, seeking His blessings and love and mercy in the process of a deepening spirituality as well. How did that happen? I don't know whether it is good or not. I don't care, because the love that I feel, I don't feel could be leading me wrong. Do I know in my mind, in my intellect, whether one is the higher path and one is the lower path? I don't know. I don't feel like we should be caught up in those things anyway. But what I want to give all my children in some way, and even those friends, brothers, and sisters who just want to listen for a short time, is that that whose presence is in your heart is not just some electrical brain circuitry playing out or some scientific natural principle playing out. It is the supernatural One. It is the Holy One. It is Him who people over centuries have called Ram, Krishna, Jesus, Allah. It is that One who sits in your heart, the absolute light of this universe. And He loves you, She loves you so. And He is, She is, whichever way you want to look at Her, available to be with you in whichever way your heart truly desires. Right here in your heart, in your spiritual core, after the layer of body sensation, thoughts, emotions, all of that, as you dig deeper into your core, you find the holy presence which is His.

So, is God's presence, Atma, Holy Spirit, more attractive to me than just saying Consciousness? And it's ironic since my whole idea was 'Consciousness Speaking with Consciousness.' Are these terms more compelling for me at the moment? They are. Does that mean that what was spoken earlier was not true and does not have the potential for freedom, peace, and joy? No, that is not true.

Father, did you have any such transition in your journey where you at some stage were feeling presence and with your Guru you also accepted that this must be God, like you're describing right now? Was there like some kind of ultimate switch-over kind of thing, this universality, and did it happen in that way or you just in some way—

Yes. Most of you know the story that for a long time I was on the spiritual quest and I felt like I'm not finding what I was looking for. It all came to a head because I left whichever sangha I was part of and just started focusing on the inquiry. This was just after my time with Ramesh Balsekar. But Maharaj's questioning of 'stay with your being, be with I am,' all of this for so many years, it just had got me stuck very badly because somewhere I knew it is very true and somewhere I knew I'm not finding it, you see. So it was just—that is the one that really grabs you, that you can't leave it also and you can't get it also.

So we can't really say linear switch-overs, but a few moments I remember. Like, you all probably know about the auto-rickshaw experience where I was going from—here was the office district those days—so I was going from Golden Enclave, Casablanca, one of them, to Diamond District. And in the auto, I was throwing a tantrum with Maharaj. 'And what is this being? How come I can't find it? I can't be with this being. You keep saying stay with the sense I am, I was only with the sense I am for three years and see you.' So I was having a big tantrum and getting really frustrated and angry—not angry so much, just frustrated, lamenting at my state.

Just sitting in that auto-rickshaw, in a few minutes the being, the presence, became apparent. I don't know how it happened, what switched, but as it became apparent, just right, 'Yes, this has always been here. This is what I was looking for. It's so obvious, it's right here.' And then the natural fear that it should not go. 'See, now I'm experiencing this being, I want to stay with it.' You feel like, 'No, no, it should never leave me.' It should not go to that, but it never left. It was just I left many times, you see. I leave His presence, but it did not leave me.

At that moment, I did not think of it as His presence, God, none of it. I was like, 'I have come to my sense of being, my presence, which Maharaj keeps saying is the most important to try and be with.' So then the textbook version of what I should have done is that I should have stayed with this sense of I-amness, beingness, for three years like he said he did. Was I able to do it? Not at all. Very badly. And in fact, many times I still feel lost and confused and not finding the answers and just searching everywhere for answers till I came to Guruji. Then sitting in front of Guruji, I saw that there is complete dissolution of what I took myself to be and I'm just aware of this being, even am this awareness itself.

And that seeming deconstruction or almost deconstruction of personality happened over the next few years where I just wanted to sit in silence most of the time, you see. But again, I had this fear, you know. I remember I would go into the shower and I would be like, 'It should not go away, this awareness,' you know, 'it's so clear.' So by God's grace, by Guruji's grace, it became apparent this pure awareness is my true nature. So that's how it happened.

Then the sharing of satsang started and for many years it went on the same lexicon of Advaita Vedanta till most probably I have to give credit or blame to Kabir Ji, where I feel like he started it, where he started asking questions about faith, about love, about God, about how much our surrender is. And I started to see that I was getting very comfortable in like a lip-service spirituality and getting to a point where it was almost mechanical to just speak about the things which were deeply conditioned here by that point of time. But he shook me out of a sort of slumber with the Abraham story, and he said that spirituality without faith is not spirituality, and no risk, no faith.

He started asking questions about faith, about love, about God, about how much our surrender is. And I started to see that I was getting very comfortable in like a lip-service spirituality and getting to a point where it was almost mechanical to just speak about, you know, the things which were deeply conditioned here by that point of time. But he shook me out of a sort of slumber with the Abraham story, and he said that spirituality without faith is not spirituality, and no risk, no faith. And the highest amount of risk that one can probably take in this life is the story of Abraham.

And I looked at that story and said, whichever way we are approached—as pure awareness, just pure presence, as a tiny instrument of God—whichever way we looked at it, as a moral being, as ethical, as a human, as right and wrong, any angle, I would not, could not get myself to be as open and accepting as Abraham was. It just wasn't there. So if God had given me the task that he gave to Abraham, I start to feel like this is not at all something that I can get myself to do, you see? And of course, I tried to Advaita it away and not get identified, all of that, but I saw that there is a hypocrisy in me where, you see, where in the moments of insight I'm noticing the reality of what I really am, but it is not really playing out in my life in that way.

I'm not living anywhere close to that faith, anywhere close to that surrender, anywhere in that sense of saying that if God's will is guiding me in this way... then I started really questioning the boundaries of my faith and I realized that my faith is really, really small, really, really small. And then so many things happened. We watched The Chosen, we watched Tulsidas Ji, we watched so many of these things, and I realized that there is something very drawn to this kind of a deepening where—I don't know, I don't have the words to say where, what—but where something feels a little more risky. Something feels like my boundaries are being exposed. Something shines a light on my hypocrisy, my lip service, of seeing, of truly seeing that my reality is that, but also the littleness of my worldly existence, which played very clearly from time to time and I could not deny. I did not want to be in denial of that anymore.

And then I really started to study the lives of the sages and I found that really, truly, the greatest sages were not in denial of this aspect, even in spite of the highest recognition, you see? And then it started occurring to me that both are alive at the same time: the highest insight, which is Atma in indistinct oneness with God, complete non-duality, and that tiny aspect of the 'me' which continues to play out, which can rely on the words of the truth of that Ultimate Reality to shelter itself and avoid deepening in love and faith to God.

So that process of unfolding is happening, happened here in some way. And I've been so blessed by such beautiful gifts throughout this life, that His grace blessed me with the Darshan of the Atma within, then His grace took me to the recognition of that Nirguna reality that I am. But His grace also did not allow me to convert that into just a conceptual understanding and something to sit on for the rest of my life, and showed me the boundaries of my faith, the boundaries of my love, and showed me that that which seems so distinct at times, all of these parts, all of this game of spirituality... then when God is taken to be central and not what I know and what I share, then all of it is like a beautiful flower. But if I put myself at the center of it, all seems like a tug of war and difficult. But what is true? Is it like this or is it like that? So more and more deepening in love and servitude to God also is happening by His grace alone.

I feel to reflect something from what I receive, and I want to catch it now because otherwise it will pass probably. And it is just that you give us, you embody for me the trust in love, actually. In love, in the love we are. And I was contemplating about what is the mysterious power of a true intention, and I came to actually very directly to say, to express, it is the love we are is the main intention. And what I feel in what you are sharing of your beautifully about your way is just a display of this inmost movement of love we are. And you may go through the mysterious power of these true intentions, which is love, is just completely, completely flexible. It can go into all states and through all states because it is the root of them and the contemplation of them at the same time.

So I really feel when I listen that you are still trusting, and that's where faith is. So now we lost... can you hear me again? Yes, yes. I'm sorry, it was another right moment to have a... yes, I don't know where I was, but I saw kind of freezing of you, so I have a kind of clue. I was saying trusting. Yeah, I was saying I can really feel the trust in that love, that love is the supreme power, is the power that actually, or is the source and the way to the source. And so I can really contemplate hearing you how much it's similar to what I shared the other day, that how the Consciousness is contemplating itself under all its aspects and from all angles and it is constantly exploring itself, so to say.

And when we see this trust is growing, and that's where I was about to say about the faith you have been questioning and exposing, so to say, to its own light. And so for us it is very inspiring because each of us is actually in the same longing for that flow. And when it is felt as flow, and that's what we can feel inside, we discover, we confirm to each other how flowing Consciousness actually is. And then because we constantly ignore it, because we were used to the intellect which is stopping, which is not flowing, and so slowly, slowly... and that's why I wanted to talk now because you just expose so generously all your way, and it's a blessing for us just to receive this reflection of what actually each of us is doing. Yeah, that's it. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I'm unable to see you. You can't see me? Oh yeah, I see that. So even now, like I can even describe what's happening to me just in hearing what you speak, you know, because it's like it's just so true. It's just so true. Like I cannot confirm it with words, but it's like everything you say is just true. And there's this like, even when I'm speaking to you right now, or this coming from emptiness, but there's still like a filter, like a filter of identity through which the words come through. And this thing that like, like this falsehood that I spoke to you about last time, it's like it's there somehow. It's somehow there and it can be very dangerous, you know, if it's allowed to like grow on the roots of my concepts, especially concepts that are like based on the truth but they're not really rooted in the spirit of truth, just like the conceptual idea of it but not in the spirit of it.

And I'm really just grateful that God brought me to you because I just imagine like if you were not here, I don't know what would become of this life. And it's like this thing I was reading also, and they spoke of this thing in the seven dwellings where she was speaking of how the sense of one part of the soul seems to be in union with God and the other part seems to... because it's still something that... because even now when I'm speaking, it's like there's something that is not speaking. And within this that has turned towards God, where does the joy come from? Or like the sense of being one with... where does it... so like how can you explain like this seeming sense of... I don't know how to explain it, but when you just speak it's just like it just reflects so true and it's like, yes, this is what I was longing to hear. And each time you speak it's always just like 'yes' in my heart because it's just true.

I sometimes just feel, I sometimes just look at the contrast and it's like I see the contrast, although it's not necessarily an outer contrast, but it's like an inner contrast where it's like something so pure and there's something that is so foolish. Like something that is so... especially when it's almost as though it's vanishing and then it just shows up somehow. Like this thing, it just shows up. And it's like at first, before meeting or before like this shift took place, because when I was growing up with like the concepts about God, although there was like still an intuitive sense, I always thought like sin was like an outer thing, just like limited to hourly, like how brought up not to lie, not to steal or this kind of thing. But by the grace of God, as going inward, you begin to see like the subtlety of it, that you can even like be a priest and everything and wear like the outer clothing and have all these things, but if something like this Maya thing is... even these words, you can still hide in it, you know?

And there's something that I'll never forget when you spoke of the narrow lane, and you also spoke of how one sage said that even in the devotion, even when being devoted to God, this thing can still... this falsehood is still just... every time just like, my heart is just very... something just happens to me every time you speak and it just rings so deeply true, as though like I've heard this but I just needed to hear it again or something gets reflected so deeply.

Very good. Thank you so much. Thank you. Love you. Thank you, my dear. Very good. Love you so much. One thing we all start to realize is that the Atma is a very broad teacher. The Holy Spirit is a very broad teacher and we cannot categorize it into any boxes. So to live in the discipleship of the Atma is truly the spiritual journey, because otherwise we can find ourselves getting boxed in into constructs in spite of our best intentions not to be so.

Like let's take a simple example. In Advaita, usually the path of being free from the ego is to chop the ego. The ego showing up, chop ego, you see? And that has a very strong place in spirituality, to be that ruthless with the false is very good. But can we say that it is always applicable? Not in the way of the Atma. Is it in the way of the Atma? Sometimes that identified one is taken to be like an innocent child. Okay, this child is innocent, they're growing, they will mature into the truth. So to encourage, to allow them to flower, is it now? And that may seem like a different path, a path of love, a path of Bhakti.

So what I'm saying is that we just have to be guided moment by moment by the Atma within. Allow yourself to be surprised by your own expression and what is unfolding for you. And these boxes can lead to a lot of trouble and a lot of pride. So after I started sharing Satsang, a child gave me this name 'The Smiling Axeman,' you see? And I felt like in a way that is true, that a lot of chopping happens from here. And if I look at the sharing now, it seems very different from that. I don't feel that conscious any sort of attempt to chop anyone is here, because I just first want to chop my own pride before chopping anyone else. But this is the beauty of the Atma, that it's a very broad teacher. It can chop when it needs to, it can encourage when it needs to, it can allow the flow to flower in so many different ways. So in boxing ourselves, we must not fall into any of that trap that 'this is my way' or 'this is not my way,' 'this is how we must be' and 'this is not how we must be.' Just allow His will to truly unfold in every way.

I don't attempt to chop anyone who is here because I just first want to chop my own pride before chopping anyone else. But this is the beauty of the Atma, that it's a very broad teacher. It can chop when it needs to, it can encourage when it needs to, it can allow the flow to flower in so many different ways. So in boxing ourselves, we must not fall into any of that trap that 'this is my way' or 'this is not my way,' 'this is how we must be' and 'this is not how we must be.' Just allow His will to truly unfold in every moment of your expression. That is the attempt. Am I successful in that attempt? Of course not. There's a long way to go, you see. There's still boxes of conditioning which operate strongly, but at least the attempt is there to be empty of them.

There are many wakeup calls. Like I feel like when I heard an say that we must never get angry, I just felt like, 'But I am so angry.' Is it? And I have all my reasons for it, I have my excuses for it. But she has said clearly that we must not get angry. So can I work on my anger? Can I work on my irritation? And I realize that anger, irritation, all of that comes from pride. So there must still be pride here which makes all these things come. So part of this unfolding now is to work on these things which Grace shows us constantly, that they still play out. If a sage is saying that we must not get angry—no excuses—and if it's still playing out over here, then what right do I have to call myself a teacher, or much less a teacher of God? So these doses of humility have been helpful in the deepening of this journey, deepening this love for God.

Every day I'm reminded of how much conditioning still plays out. There's work conditioning, there's family conditioning, there is satsang teacher conditioning. But to return as much to innocence as possible, and more and more focus being on the audience of one and not the audience in front of me—that is the attempt. Because it is not difficult to fool everyone in front of you. It's quite all right, actually; it's not that difficult, you see. But can we escape from our own eyes? Can we hide from our own integrity? And more importantly, can we hide from—can we just get away with lack of integrity and honesty with God?

So our denial and our claims of perfection, we may be able to convey those to the world and the world will most likely believe us also. The world is waiting to meet somebody who's perfect. The world is waiting to get some hope in the form of perfection through meeting someone, is it? So we grasp at straws in that way. But in that, there is the poison of taking that to be true for yourself, and the world considers that to be true for you. That is a huge disservice we can do to ourselves because that's when our growth stops. That's when we stop deepening into the truth of God's light.

So to be fresh, live from His will every moment, is the only true freedom that we are looking for and the only true freedom that we can find. To return to that innocence of a child where the parent's will is paramount and we don't know, we don't care about knowing, we're just enjoying being. Can we be like that? What would that look like? That's the question. Is it possible at all to live in that innocence, in that simplicity? Our heart is yearning for that; that much is clear, you see. All of us look at our childhood days with nostalgia and see it was so nice, you see. We'll have all the stories, but what we are actually missing is the way we were. We don't actually miss having to go get the cricket ball from that angry uncle's house and all that; nobody actually misses that. We are actually missing how we were. That's why those stories just become representative of how innocent and childlike we were. So, that returning—is it possible to rely on God like that? What will happen if you were to try it? And that which we are scared of will happen is the attachment to our will, our way.

Yes, I feel again to say something about that. It is a story I want to share. I don't know how long it will be, but it is very, very precious. I might make it a bit short and probably try to translate it and send it so that it is available after that, but I'll try to make it short. It is a true story about that faith you're talking about, about that childlike faith, that absolute surrender. It is the story of a man in France who, as a young boy, he lost his sight. He lost his sight with an accident and his parents were clever enough to let him stay in his usual school so he could learn to deal with it. He became very skilled at sensing everything around him; even he could see the landscape, so to say.

And so he was 18, or around 18, when the Second World War came and he went to the Resistance. He was very precious there because he could sense who was true and not true, so he could check the ones who wanted to participate. But as it is in the war, they were caught because somebody was tortured. They were all sent to a concentration camp. He was very young and it was a very terrible one. He went to hell, so to say. In this hell, he met a man who was called Jeremy, who had been a blacksmith in his village in France and who had somehow been in his own search and had met some masters and who was actually very wise.

He said when this man came into the barrack, the hut where they were packed like sardines, whenever he opened the door and went in, place was made for him because his mere presence was just peace itself. He would not talk a lot, but you would never say anything negative about anything. He never said anything negative about the SS who were torturing them constantly, and everybody could feel that he had mercy on them. So he was fully respected and fully blessing everyone around him. And so it went for a time. At some point one day he came and said, 'Tomorrow I will be gone and they will have me, they will kill me.' He knew somehow from some source he knew what was about to happen. He just said very calmly, 'I was very happy to meet each of you,' and that's it. He was no emotion, no nothing. And the next day he was gone. So for me, this stays in my heart and I'm very happy to share it one day with you. It is such a powerful example of what facts just show. It doesn't—it speaks by itself. We don't need so many words, just this simple power, so powerful presence of such a man. Yes, that's it.

Thank you. Beautiful, so inspiring.

I will translate because this witness has become a very precious writer, but he died in the 60s. He has written a book which is called—this man is called Jacques Lusseyran and his book is called 'The World Begins Today.' I see, 'The World Begins Today.' So I will translate this extract and send it to you. Amen.

Thank you. See how we share it. We can all come, we can just come. We said we don't have to raise hands, just come. Can you hear me? Thank you. So we let her go first.

Thank you, Father. It's such a blessing to hear you in the heart, you know, because this staying with the holy presence and just moving without intention, even to make a point or anything, is so rich. It's true that we are really not knowing how this expression would change or would evolve, even something that feels precious maybe from before, like 'I've done this' or 'I've done that.' In just a moment of being in this spontaneous presence, you don't need to keep anything. It's just exactly what a privilege it is.

That we can recognize the holiness of this presence. Holiness is like the perfume of God. You feel a sense of something out of the world, something out of the natural, just to be able to access that within our Self—capital S Self. Such a privilege, such a gift, you see. And then like you rightly said, the idea that this should lead to something, or 'what does this mean for me?' or 'what happened in the past?'—all that is completely irrelevant to us. Because it's like saying I'm holding God's hand and then wondering which metro ticket I have to buy or something. You don't have to worry about any of that. What a privilege it is to be in contact with the holy, to meet the holy. We oftentimes forget the privilege, and that is the hand we must not leave.

And the only risk seems to be to lose completely any story. To just be without any story. And it's not like the stories are not available also, but going to any point then it's like you said: if I do my will, it has a little flavor about it of something I know or like to be right about.

Yes. Sometimes it can seem quite literal that when we go from head to heart—or before we even get to the 'no'—you start to feel a sense of disconnection, a sense of just a constricted sort of sense. So we just learn to smell more and more, moment to moment, to smell which way we are going: whether we are going towards pride or we are remaining in humility.

But sometimes the transition seems to be very quick. Like it starts because the heart is there, and then it starts and then it quickly can become this rush of—

Exactly, exactly. So that's why these examples are for that: to catch anger before it becomes anger, at the level of irritation itself is good, you see. To notice the subtle movement away towards 'Oh, but I know,' 'Oh, but I said,' 'Oh, but I think.' You start to notice that, and then if you allow it to get momentum, then before you know it, it seems very big to handle. Then it seems like it just has to play out, it has to be vomited out; that is the only rest which we can get from it.

As we deepen in remaining in God's light and presence, our sensitivity towards those movements outwards will increase more and more. But yes, many times it seems so fast that I'm already caught in that idea, caught in that identification, and then we must try our best to just return. We must not allow ourselves to become despondent about it. That's why that beautiful example from St. John of the Cross, which was that the mind may distract you a hundred times, but that gives you a hundred opportunities to return to God. Isn't that beautiful?

That you wanted to just stay, you wanted to do your beads or you wanted to do your inquiry, whatever you wanted to do, and the mind is so distracting. Our usual approach to that has been that 'No, this has to stop, I have to do it better,' you know? And that adds to more stress and unworthiness and guilt. But if you just say, 'That's a chance for me to do this act of love towards God.' The mind is compelling me with some idea of getting something or resolving a problem or something like that, but I pick God. And then the mind again tempts us; again I pick God. So that goes from the very template of being a frustrated meditation session to an exercise of love over and over again. So sometimes just the framing—changing the framing of these things—can help a lot in our process.

And so what is being held on to here is maybe anything that seems to lead to this pure unity, like the pure experience of God. Then anything that seems—still makes sense in the mind—that somehow helps, then that is held as something very important.

But it's all right. So I would say let it prove itself to you. In the sense it makes that offer: 'If you just did this, then you will stay as pure awareness.' So say, 'Okay, show me.' And if it shows you, then it's fine. But if it just gets you more into...

Is being held on to here is maybe anything that seems to lead to this pure Unity, like the pure experience of God. Then anything that seems to still make sense in the mind, that somehow helps, then that is held as like something very important. But it's all right. So I would say, let it prove itself to you in the sense it makes that offer: 'If you just did this, then you will stay as pure awareness.' So say, 'Okay, show me.' And if it shows you, then it's fine. But if it just gets you more into that, 'Oh, I know this has to be like this, and then therefore this, and then therefore that, so then it must be like this,' then it's just fooling you. Then just say, 'Okay, then you promised me that this will lead to pure awareness. Show me.'

And of course, this is just one example of just inquiring into it, surrendering it, chopping it, allowing it to prove itself to you. Because the mind cannot live up to its promises. If the phenomenal could promise the non-phenomenal, then that phenomenal would be universal by now, you see? It would be universal to everyone, saying that this is it and this works for everyone. And that completely discounts the value of Grace and God's will. Yes, maybe I say something and now let's see if I climb up into this. We all get some popcorn income.

So this exploration in pure perception happened like for, I don't know how many years, maybe ten years from Rupert alongside with Guruji I was doing. And I like those ones still even now because they don't try to get anywhere to awareness; it already starts as awareness. You just invite all experience just to be and you look. So with Guruji, was somehow by his grace this knowing 'I am awareness' was there. But then with Rupert, this knowing that everything is also ultimately awareness, it came more through this way of looking at the experience and bringing it very close and just without mind, just seeing what is all of this. And it's so beautiful because it just starts to become unlimited. Even the seeming different things or sensation, perception, senses, they all start to just become one unity, one without borders.

Yes, so good. So did you climb up? No? Okay, good. There's one ladder where it's always safe to just climb down, not to go up. Head to heart.

It's just the other day when we spoke, I listened this morning to again what you shared and it was very easy to see that there was no contradiction in what you were saying. You were just saying to not put a border on how God can appear in the manifest. Yeah, just that makes sense to us, like even through whatever we can explain. And that's consistent with this experience where at the very close to awareness everything is unlimited. You can't even say anything about anything. But from there, sometime like I couldn't say God knows everything. God, which for me is this pure awareness, I can't say it knows everything. If there's everything, then it knows everything, but more close it doesn't know anything but pure awareness. So the only knowing is just pure knowing. There's nothing else to know. That's what I was somehow trying to say. Maybe now it came a little bit more easy somehow.

It's good, it's good. And I have to watch out for this confirmation because we're not—I'm not really here to be confirmed or to, like you sometimes say, we just come to Satsang just to have our own knowledge confirmed, like 'Yeah, yeah, you're doing right, you're doing good.' So I'm really here to just live as close as you can to this just spontaneous presence, how God moves you spontaneously. And I, yeah, that's it. It's good, it's good. Thank you, God. It's all your Grace. Thank you. Atma, the most confusing commodity to the mind. When I sit in Atma, I know nothing, but it is only then when everything is known. It's just that 'knowing' is such a small word and seems to convey like, 'I can tell you the capital of Timbuktu is knowing.' But self-knowing, Atma Gyan, is a completely different instrument and we must find a different word for it.

I wonder if we should actually—it may not be true that we should find a different word for it. It is more like, or whatever limited insight I have, it seems to be more like you take a dip in the ocean and inside the ocean you're not grasping for any bubbles. The bubbles, you can't say, 'Oh, small bubble, big bubble, this means this, this means that.' And the sharing of Satsang in a way is like that. You're just coming to the edge of the surface, trying to be fully immersed, but just to see what is bubbling up on the surface of that ocean which can lead to your immersion into that ocean. And those bubbles we may call insights or pointers. And then usually in the human condition we are on the surface, we are not in the ocean. And then that completely different brand of knowing, which is conceptual, which is perceptual, seems to be the central knowing in our lives.

And yet because the source is the same, like 'I know that I am' can sound just the same as 'I know that I am Ananta,' but actually it is universes apart, the two. Those two statements are not at the same level at all, not in the same universe at all. But they sound so similar. And because that similarity in the world seems to make it seem closer, then it seems like that is what knowing looks like. To know that I am, I am not even the presence of amness being here, but it is I which I can't place in any perceptual or conceptual way. It is that I which is being, is am. And it is dangerous to speak in these words because it's very easy to climb that ladder with these words: 'Ah, this okay, then this okay, this computes, okay then I got it.' No. But to remain immersed in that holy place and to just be truly only wanting to serve God, allowing the bubbles very close to the surface to be spoken about. That in some strange way, I know it doesn't explain anything. It's okay. Forget. In the empty, all is known or all is forgotten. Both are true in a way. All that we consider to be known is forgotten, but that is truly where all is known. That is why Atma Gyan is so valued in spirituality. What is the difference between a scripture and a book? Is the book about God? Who wrote it? That's beautiful. Who wrote it is the difference. Beautiful. Okay, you can come. Welcome.

I just thank you. I so much was waiting to speak to you because I carry so much guilt for a week now and I just would like to share and maybe get rid of it. And I know this is a kind of ridiculous thing again, but it was like when I really was supposed to be still and empty and open and be present, I just couldn't be. And you know, when my cat Secret was dying and he started really to suffer and crying and spasming and crunching, I was just crying and screaming and I just ran out from the room. And I just pray, may this my behavior not be an obstacle to him to dissolve fully to God. And also please, never in this life be my behavior an obstacle to anyone, to anyone to turn towards God. Obstacle, obstacle. What would an obstacle be able to do in front of God's will? I just felt I should be there with my presence, with my openness, with my love to help him. If he has an Atma or soul, I don't know, to fully dissolve in this God's grace. And I couldn't feel that I could help. And sometimes also I feel this in life, I cannot help when I really need to help. I am there and I don't know, my emotions overwhelm me and I am not there. And when you call someone just having an armchair spirit, sometimes I just feel this. When I really need to be there for someone, I am not able to.

I hear you. So it's two different things that I'm hearing actually. So first, don't worry that nothing can become an obstacle to God. There is no such thing for God. Everything is always easy. Nobody can make anything difficult for Him. So free yourself from that idea. The second thing is about making yourself available and empty when you feel guided to do so in your heart, but there's too much fear or too much mental resistance. It's okay. We all are just learning, as long as we remember to try our best. Because despair is just the mind winning toys. Like one saint said, that to come into despair is the devil winning toys. So okay, you notice that there's certain weakness about these situations. All of us have, most of us have these things. So just we'll try and do better next time if there is a next time. And it doesn't have to be, of course, the same situation, but whatever situation life brings us to, we will do better in that particular situation. So as quickly as possible, the focus goes back on His Grace, His love, His light, and moves away from the 'me'.

Ananta Ji also has a prayer if you wish to confirm it. I just wish no any animal in this world suffer anymore, and no any innocent child. And if they die, may they fully, fully dissolve in God, in God's love and peace fully. Yes, thank you so much.

Who wants to come can just come.

Hi Ananta. Hello. I'm not sure if you can see where I'm speaking from.

Now we can, yeah.

Yeah, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your honesty with your journey. I think, yeah, sometimes it can be—it's very comforting realizing that even someone who's been through an experience like yourself will also come across hurdles and, you know, still has conditioning arising. And to, yeah, I really feel that sense of like equality, that your reach extending out to all of us and our hearts and unveiling that, and that we share this journey together too. To be kind to ourselves that we're doing the best that we can. And that we can have this greatness in us as well as, yeah, this conditioning. And it was really helpful to hear you say don't be discouraged, because I feel like I've been through a time of a lot of conditioning coming out and almost like berating myself or judging, seeing where I'm judging myself and then what's the use. And yeah, how that doesn't help, it just keeps spinning the story and it just kind of entraps myself, you know, to be like, 'Oh gosh, I'm not good enough for God.' And like you said, like, yeah, God was always waiting there for you. That's very comforting. So yeah, thank you.

Good. I'm very happy to hear you speak these words. I just feel that actually the other day in Satsang some words came that I feel such an antidote to discouragement, that we can never be discouraged if you remember those points. So let me elaborate on all of it a little bit and then we can condense it so that we may return to the pointers again and again. But the broad point very much is that God is here. God is here. The whole design of Maya, the whole idea of Maya, is to convince you that actually He isn't, He's just an idea, He's just a belief system. If you believe in God, then it makes your life better, but He's just a belief. There is no actuality of God's presence, His reality. That is Maya's job, to convince you that the world is real and God is unreal. So if you are in spirituality, our faith, our heart, our beautiful insight has told us that God is, He is a reality. That's the first thing.

But what does that actually translate into? When we look at our life through the lens of that, then that just simple statement that God is conveys to us that He is aware of everything in my life. He is aware of everything in my life: my intention, my action, my inaction, my breaths, my heartbeat, everything that is happening in my body, mind, intellect, and emotion, everything He is aware of. So His existence, that He is firstly real, shows us that He's aware of everything, because He would not be God if He was not aware. The second thing we can remember is that this reality called God is not bound by time and space. What that means is that if He wanted to, He could have an unlimited amount of time for all of us. He would never have a shortage of time like I would.

My action, my inaction, my breaths, my heartbeat, everything that is happening in my body, mind, intellect, and emotion, everything he is aware of. So his existence, that he is firstly real, shows us that he's aware of everything because he would not be God if he was not aware. The second thing we can remember is that this reality called God is not bound by time and space. What that means is that if he wanted to, he could have an unlimited amount of time for all of us. He would never have a shortage of time, like, 'I want to help you but sorry I don't have time, I have seven billion just humans to look after, then trillions of animals and things like that,' you see. So, but because he's beyond time and time is just a plaything that arises within him, he has an infinite amount of time to help each of us. That is the second thing.

The third thing is that he, as a source of love, the creator of love and the creator of life, must feel an immense amount, unfathomable amount of love for us because the love that he gifts us all comes from him. The true unconditional love only comes from him. So we find intuitively that his love for us is unbound; there is no boundary to that love, it's unlimited. And the fourth thing is that nothing can get in the way of his will. He can do whatever he wants. So if he is aware of us, he loves us so deeply, he's got an unlimited amount of time for us, and nothing can get in the way of his will, then without doubting any of these, how can we get into any sort of despair or discouragement? So it is doubting God and his nature and how he is which can lead us to this kind of spiritual discouragement, spiritual suffering thing.

So I encourage all of you to deepen more and more in his presence so that these words are not just a conceptual belief, but you see them as true insight in your heart that every aspect of this is true. And that then leaves us with no reason for despair, no reason for anxiety, worry, loneliness. Yes, and the danger of like pseudo-scientific or Godless spirituality is that these aspects of God's reality, God's nature, are forgotten about. But these aspects are really important. So most importantly, just to remember that he is then brings us in touch with all of this. So to remember means smaran, and that also is called simran. So to remain in unceasing prayer is to remain in a constant remembrance, which is not a memory-type remembrance; it is a live being present to his reality, being present to his presence.

And to take his name is one of the simplest ways to remain alive to his presence, to remain present to his presence. To remain empty for him is a beautiful way to do that. To inquire into the nature of reality is a beautiful way to do that. So all spiritual paths are just ways in which we remain empty for God in remembrance of God. So try to be in despair without doubting any of these. Can we do? Do I have reason to doubt? If God isn't, if God isn't, then I'm just on my own and this whole big bad world is for me to deal with and it's every, quote-unquote, man for himself, and it's a very dangerous way to live, seems like. So, but we recognize that God is. It's not just an idea but intuitive sense and intuitive insight that God is.

And God is not just like an unconcerned watcher of the movie, but he is, he is that witness, pure untouched witnessing, but also he is the most loving, caring parent, beloved child, one who is so faithful in his presence with us. He never takes a holiday away from us; we take many holidays away from him. So his love for us is unquestionable. His intelligence, his awareness of not just my life but of everything, is unquestionable. His ability to create and to manifest whatever is his will is very apparent to all of us, and he has no constraints of time and space. So why can we not live like little children in this care? That is the journey of spirituality: to return to that innocence which is full of the highest insights, full of the highest love, highest light. Okay, I feel I'll take a break and just lie down for a bit. We just close with Hanuman Chalisa.