God Lives Within You - 20th March 2026

Yes, we are conditioned from childhood. We've been conditioned. Then what happens is that when someone appeals to us especially when we are young and says no we don't have to live in social constructs, you must be rebellious, then that can sound very appealing because you're tired of being oppressed in that way you see. But then that becomes a new construct of being rebellious you see. So then if any construct becomes the majority then that becomes oppressive so everybody wants to rebel against that. That's why society goes through constant churning. Those who are conservative today were very modern 30 40 years ago. Those who are modern today were conservative 30 40 years ago. So we keep going through these churning cycles because whatever becomes the majority seems to feel oppressive especially to the younger ones and they want to make a change. But what change we realize coming to Satsang is to see that there's a higher construct than a social construct which is not really a mental construct. It's a heart construct. So to follow God's will to follow the true heart which is our spiritual heart is the only thing we can do which we can say is the right thing to do.

Also father as we as we turn as the audience of one becomes the primary audience then all the uh the group try this uh as we as the audience of one becomes the audience then automatically the selfimage also dissolves in a way, right?

Yes, it's a process of moving towards conformance to the audience of many to conformance to the audience of one. And in that process of changing our allegiances, the false identity gets lesser and lesser. We cannot really say 100%, but more and more transparent.

So this selfimage and social um kind it's it's kind of hand in hand, right?

Now self-image can be like very much about like I want to go live in a cave by myself. You see? So that can also strangely enough that is also in a way like a social construct because we are making a relationship in relation to the rest of society. You see so it may not seem like I'm conforming to a social construct but it's still trying to get what is my position with respect to society that I want to be a loner. I want to be left alone. I want to be you see.

So father then it's about always wanting to take one position or the other, right?

Exactly instead of following God's will which must make us constantly innocent like a child like we don't know you see. Do you want to be all alone or you want to live in a large community of thousands of people? You see we must be able to rely on our heart in the moment for that. So that's good.

Do you have a suggestion of like how to stay in this nama japa if you're doing something else like how do I keep chanting? I feel that if my attention is gone to something else I stop chanting. I mean I'm not being able to chant at that moment till I stop doing that work and then coming back.

That's the same difficulty I also have. So we just keep practicing and that deepens.

So you just keep saying it mentally. I mean?

At whatever level we try to stay in remembrance of God and in that remembrance of God then the chanting will happen in the head. We know japa japa in the heart we can have japa japa so all these that is not so critical at that moment it's just the remembrance which is more important. The thing is that we forget: the activity which takes up all our attention makes us forget about God.

I remembered today only reading what I was hearing at Satsang from Bhai and he said: supposing you turn it around and say that this I am his servant rather than being the landlord of what you're doing I mean like the malik you become the servant. You free yourself from many problems from pride and everything and then you can do it so if you do it in that attitude that I'm that servant then you're keeping that remembrance.

With integrity. If you truly feel with integrity that I'm serving the Lord and we don't forget that, then you're in the remembrance that I'm doing every work.

That's it. The remembrance is the important thing.

We cannot follow his will if we have forgotten about him, we have forgotten who's the boss. Then how will we follow the will of the boss? And worse, even worse is that we take up the position of being the boss. It's very beautiful also. It's subtle like who is our boss at the moment? Who does our life belong to at the moment? So some of us the question itself may seem a bit absurd. You see, but this is where the rubber hits the road. No, we can talk about surrender all we want, but in the moment if my life doesn't belong to God, then what have we actually surrendered?

You said once that this my will is not my will. It's either God's will or it's the mind's will. But then I'm going to be a servant. I choose my master. In that, because it feels like my will, I want to do it this way, but it's not my will. It's God or...

Because the me is fundamentally a fiction of the mind itself. So the mind's will then sounds like my will. Like this tendency to want it my way or it can play out in many ways.

It's very good it's very very good who does our heart belong to at the moment. We have said to people along our life that my heart belongs to you and when we got into spirituality we said that our heart belongs to God. Now that has to become a lived reality moment to moment. So when a sage is able to say that there is nothing mine in me, all that is here is yours, it's a very high statement. You see, so there are various ways to look at this. What will we jump to the defense of this moment? You see my righteousness? How could you attack me? Don't you know that I am right? We happy to jump to the defense of that. You're happy to jump to the defense of my attachments, my maybe my guru, my children, my husband, my partner, my everything is my my my. But when Maya attacks our time trying to take it away from God, do we jump to God's defense? We'll defend our idea of my truth. Somebody call me a liar, I'll jump to that defense and say how dare you call me a liar, I'm not a liar, you see. But when Maya tells us that God is not so important right now, focus on this thing which will entertain you or something like that. We don't jump to our heart's defense. By jumping to a heart's defense means like to just jump in faith. No, like just to move switch to faith.

To say I will not give in. I will not give into this temptation. You have nothing that you can give me more than my heart can get being with God.

Father these defenses that you're seeing small things that seem, that Maya says it's a small but then that's one opportunity lost to exercise that faith.

Absolutely. Small things. The life of a saint is 100 opportunities every day you see. Many of us are waiting for like a big thing to happen to to convert into saints no it's just these small moments, to just that you say you know the abandonment to God like in that moment just abandon yourself to God just.

So what can Maya do? It can tempt us with desire it can make us fearful. In both cases if you say there's nothing you can give me. So desire has no place in our life because the one who is in our heart is the lord of this and he is known to be merciful to all of his servants. So he's giving everyone more than enough. That's why what Bhai said is very powerful. It sounds very simple but he said that even if there was somebody just sitting at your door constantly and not leaving after a point you will also feel merciful and say please give them some food please give him some water give him some new clothes it's been many days he's been sitting she's been sitting there so how could God not be that merciful that we are sitting at the door to his temple in our heart and he is not providing. It's a very powerful thing. And the thing is that we cannot fathom his provision with our mind. We cannot fathom it, you see.

So it is said that if Sudama Ji had asked for something specific to Lord Krishna, because his intellect was small, he could have asked only for something small. But because he did not ask therefore when the Lord gave he gave him much more he gave him everything that he himself had. Such a beautiful story. So what role does desire have in our life now? It doesn't have any role. Our job is to stay there in his presence and if we are there in his presence then he knows what to provide much more than I can ever fathom. You see, so that's desire.

The second is fear. If he is with me, what can I be scared of? I'm really again I have to make this disclaimer. I'm not speaking as if I'm on the top of this mountain. I'm talking about the lessons I'm trying to learn and I'm sharing those same lessons with all of you as well. So I'm trying to understand what is the role of fear in my life if he's with me. So the question really is is he really really really with me especially when push comes to shove? And we are deepening in that faith. We deepening in the fact of his presence we deepening in the truth value of his presence.

And we deepening or we going away from needing it to be perceptual like give me some evidence of that. Now we are learning not to be that kind of partner who's like prove that you love me. Just prove that you love me. How can you prove that you love me? You see, so and there's no evidence enough to prove that. So we have to stop saying that to God. If we continue to need phenomenal evidence of the fact that he loves us, then we'll continue to live in fear. His greatest gifts are given to us where our mind and our senses cannot go. Can I prove this? I cannot prove it in any evidentiary way. I can only rely on the fact that how my heart knows it, your heart also knows it. So if you listen at the right place then you may see that the same truth is resonating there that I don't need an outer alleviation for my fear in the form of evidence because what he's giving me in my heart as my spiritual wealth is much more than anything that he could do to defend this body mind in the world. It's a tricky path because Maya operates in so seeming tangibles and God operates mostly beyond the level of perception.

Father so faith father for at least for me now it's like even a small scratch can shake the faith and easily go to Maya, even a small email small message small comment anything but then how do we add to faith? How do I get deepen? Is it practice further or small?

My faith is like that as well. So my problem is the same and I feel that the solution will be the same. Don't worry, I'm not stopping.

No, father. So my problem is the same and I feel that the solution will be like you already said like we cannot grow our faith by ourselves we've tried but just by staying with the Atma the Atma grows our virtues in us just grow like we cannot say like let me grow my faith you see.

But we have to do it in the sense that we have to continue to rely on the Atma to guide us. What can we do? In a way. So let's look at this closely. So who can grow our virtues of humility, faith, we find that the more we live in God's presence, we find ourselves more strong to be able to do that. The more we live in God's presence, the more we are able to live in God's presence. You see, so also that is the gift of God's presence itself.

That living in God's presence is really the act.

Yes. And that faith has grown because of our staying with him. You see, so because we have stayed with him more and more. So that is the beauty of this virtuous circle. The more we stay, the more we are taught how to stay because we stay. Like in Satsang you may have received information about the fact that God actually lives in your heart. You see you may have received the tools that this is the way to reach your heart. You may have received inspiration. You may have received other energetic support. All of these things you see. But if you do not turn yourselves to stay with him, then that cannot grow into what it needs to grow into.

Yes, father. And also I mean it's even I mean there are tangible evidence of how God mistrously work. Father, God works for uh mysteriously works for me and solve problems at every. If you pray from but so so strong father like you just enter the office and then but you remember next him only when you're leaving office so it gets gets into your nose. So so is it like small?

There is no room for fear in my life. Come on, let's go.

No, father. So it's maybe a small. So of course what you're saying it's non-deniable in any sense but are you advising small experiments or like trial what tangible can I do just uh whatever we can do can we set an alarm can we set a reminder can we set our intention really strong as we entering the office so whatever we can.

He takes the smallest step we take towards him and magnifies that much much more because we may say that you know nothing will happen with that is too small a thing you see but we should not stop ourselves from taking that smallest step because that smallest step then added up over years becomes thousands of small steps. It becomes the full transcendence from this Maya. We are waiting for the giant leaps but the giant leaps are not possible for any of us like the opportunities may not be there. God's curriculum for us may be different you see but whatever small opportunities we get like I go to the office can I improve their day instead of spoiling their day. This could be a small thing you see if there is a lot of anger I have against someone can I instead smile at them even if it feels a bit insincere. Small acts of humility and compassion can also help.

So to take the words of the sages quite literally not to they're not just a song just take it literally like and then you won't have any lack at all. It's a question of time, literally is very important but how long does our literally last? You know so we like when we hearing Satsang yes and then how long does that literal last?

Of course you're right that many of us may be just hearing it poetically or just like some fiction you see so I feel most of us have gone beyond that stage. Like I keep saying about when I first heard the Ashtavakra Gita, I was like beautiful, beautiful work and one day you know or like these sages can really relate to this work but we are just meant to hear it poetically and enjoy the vibrations. It was not meant for me. You see it was not taken literally by me. I am that unbounded awareness and all of that. Who can take that literally? It used to feel like that you see. So now you know so many years of Satsang at least hopefully we've come to the point we realize that what is being shared applies to ourselves fully literally.

But now our challenge is for how long does that literally last?

I'm saying it in small ways. I'm not waiting for some big thing but like if I want to be angry with someone and like you said but I said no I will not be angry I will wait for those 5 10 15 minutes I'm sure God can handle that situation I'm not talking don't even talk about a big story, just a small thing.

But it lasted literally lasted 2 3 days only father I'm so sorry.

Still no but then I have to hear it again and again and again in a way. It's very good so right now the hope is it lasts for 2 to three days that's Friday, Satsang Monday, Wednesday, Friday. If the littleness lasted a little longer, we could have fewer ones. No, I'm just making a joke. Don't worry.

But you could see the difference between when you trusted and when you did. You could see that. But it's a big move to from taking it just like hearing something and taking it literally applying to yourself. It's a big move. You're right.

Opposite to this like how long does it last? I was talking to Radha. I've been looking at like the mind likes to do exactly the opposite. It uses lingering as a very good tool for itself. Like if something, suppose something she said and pokes me and I'll sort it out with her but mind will try to linger that story for in a very subtle way it lingers and lingers.

It has more truth value because it's been around for long.

No, no, not like that father. Suppose something she said and pokes me and I'll sort it out with her but mind will try to linger that story in a very subtle way it lingers and lingers. And to just have that strength even then to just stop it.

Absolutely it just pokes at you. It starts off like we were talking about it, it can also many times like start off as a half joke you see. Like oh but she's always like that you know it's okay you know something like that then that but it's is it okay she's always like that somebody should tell her somebody should do. All this builds up over a period of time and that which started off as like something small and trivial becomes, no but this I have to you see.

Father here I noticed that even after the matter sorted out it'll try and linger the story a little bit.

Resentment. Or a sympathy vote or something like that. Yeah, exactly. So just this Maya's tangible seeming tools and that's why we have to say that what if Ram Ji walked into the room right now because that seems more real. So all these layers, all this seem more real. What's happening in our heart? All this seems so real in the world. Senses, perception, mind, emotion, pain, pleasure, all these sensations, everything seems so tangible. What's happening in our heart? The sages have told us beautiful things. God loves to pray in our heart. God delights to stay in our innermost chamber. There's a dazzling darkness which transforms us from inside. They've told us all of this beautiful thing. But all that is forgotten because this seems more tangible. Even right now after saying all this stuff, one of you speaks to me angrily. I forget all that. No. Why is this child behaving like this? This is the power of Maya. You see that's what we are working towards.

A question on resolve: after the recordings I've been feeling something different in word like I felt really like I need to increase the time to pray, I need to really sit for I have to give that time to God and it happened like there was a big shift and then. But after that one particular day when it was big amount of praying and then life had so much busyness now the maids don't come the cooks don't come school transfer this like it feels like I have to be there and so what is like so I can't so what happened to that resolve like I have that question like. If a saint was in my position where he had that resolve he or she and like this like the family thing came or whatever that responsibility that saint has he would still stay with the resolve and let go like because here I have this idea that I have to provide I have to do these things. So what happened because I feel I need to really spend more time with God I feel that to serve him that focus time is very important but that resolve doesn't play out. What is it because I lack that faith but so Maya is bringing so many things that I need to be there. Then there's a particular day that I remember before I fell sick where I prayed so deeply and I felt like maybe I even told all of you that I'm so happy with my prayer today. That day has never happened after that in spite of my resolve being that every day has to go like this.

Yes. What happens? Illnesses came my son whatever happened came then this happened came just with in Maya all of these things can happen. So so the result: there was a saint with us. We could have asked him but we we can only try and say that if we are doing whatever we are doing, whatever is possible we can do given our life circumstances then I feel God is... because Tukaram Maharaj like they said he would go in the morning to the mountain because he needed that and his family was hungry. He was there was no food for the children but he would still like he had that strong resolve to just be with God and let God take care of everything.

His wife would beat him up. She was always angry because her kids were hungry and this man would just go and do it. So he had that strong resolve to just be with God and let God take care of everything. I feel like that's where I lack because as soon as this kind of resolve and the reality which is that kids actually went hungry.

Yeah. No. Now at the same time we know God took care of everything.

So what is the phenomenal evidence of that? Of what? That he took care of everything. Because if he took care of everything the wife would not beat him. The kids would not have gone hungry.

So like our mind, our intellect needs phenomenal evidence to confirm that God took care of everything. We are saying that he went to the mountain, he prayed. In the mind's idea of taking care, they were not taken care of. So where do we know that they were taken care of? You see, that is the place where the world will not accept. You see so so that I feel needs development over years of practice over staying with that of deepening in that. Because where to bring that resolve from? Only he can give us that strength.

So like so like that day of strong resolve I had and the strong movement of that resolve happened.

Isn't it funny that Shamik worked in...

Yeah. I knew he's coming. I'm scared to now speak actually.

I have no idea what is... God is taking care of everything. So he came right when I wanted to.

So often there is not enough phenomenal evidence that God is taking care but sometimes he makes his sense of humor very apparent. Now, are you going to speak or not?

I'm scared to speak. I wanted to say.

He doesn't make his scare that apparent, but his humor.

I was just telling him like after the recordings I felt like this strong feeling I've told him like to pray more spend more time with God and one day it happened like you know I spent a lot of time with God and then from the next day like Cheyenne's school transfer and Cheyenne is like really at my you know like do it do it do it like he doesn't leave me alone and the maids and the whatever like a householder's life and so I feel like I didn't have the courage to just stay with God and let the world let my life move from there. When these things come, no my identity of a wife, a child, a mother, a householder, the responsibilities come in so much stronger. I feel very scared. I feel very scared to just sit and not go with the mind that now you have to do this, send this email, talk to this counselor, whatever. Like I'm very scared. I can't I am like okay okay I'm doing it. Even today I did many things out of fear of him coming and like did you do this, did you do that? So it's I don't have that courage. So the resolve is there, the clarity is there that I have to spend more time. Today I barely spent an hour. So it's like what happened to that? And Maya will come always like this when I see always the next day it's going to be full activity where you don't find the time to sit at least. So but if I followed God's will, maybe I if I stayed with the resolve. I don't know, father.

We working through all of this. So there are days and I'm not lying or exaggerating. There are days where I feel that I have been so caught up in Maya that I'm going to sit on the Satsang chair and God will not give me the words to share. There are days like that where I feel like he will be so disappointed in me that he will not provide the word. But he reminds me over and over again that it is his mercy which is paramount for him. He knows how to be merciful first. Second is that he reminds me over and over again that he knows. You see we look at the evidence of number of hours or count and things like that. He knows what we feel in our heart. Now that is not a cop out. Okay?

It can be very easily used as an excuse. So we have to be really sincere about it.

So he knows that if we are feeling that we've not given him enough today that we've not offered ourselves enough we've not done our sadhana practice enough for the day. He knows in our heart that we are feeling that and I feel that he's very merciful about these things and he's been so merciful with this foolish boy that in 14 years I've never by his grace alone never ended a Satsang saying today he did not help me today he did not show me how to guide. 14 years of in spite of severe stupidity on my part on so many occasions he has always been merciful. So that is what I'm saying: he knows our resolve. He knows what we really want in our heart. I feel like he values that he knows when we are just puffing also. So we can't fool him. But he's very very kind.

So that's why I love a lot of what St. Terz told because she looked at the lives of St. Augustine and we looking at the lives of Tukaram Ji and St. of A and all these great ones and we look at our lives and say but how we are so far from any of this. So I love the way she says that the full staircase is there. I have the capacity only to lift half to my feet to only half the first stair but that's all that I will do. I mean that's whatever I can do I will do in mind. I know Jesus will carry me up the rest of the stair. That faith that just a so we are not to get intimidated by the level of faith and surrender that the great sages have only it inspires us more and more and more and we just every day we do a little bit whatever we can we do a little bit and we we rely on his mercy you see we will never do that much that we will go to him entitled I'm entitled to a permanent place at your feet.

We will never end up doing that much that brings us to that place of entitlement. Nobody because what can be that you see but I'm saying that like if I was in Tukaram's place for example, I would be quite like take me home like of course he was not that because I'm foolish like that if I had spent in my life my life serving him in that way I would have got very proud about it.

But you're absolutely right that nobody can demand nobody can demand that they deserve a place. But just take this as an example that 14 years of sharing Satsang, not one day he has let me down. And I just feel like he knows that there are some sincere ones who are listening in spite of the foolishness of this boy. Let me not you know do them a disservice. So he provides. So he's that merciful to everyone involved. So this is the beauty of it that our resolve in our heart is very important. Our taking those small steps that we are able to is very important. Our feeling that we could do more is very important. All of these things are very good. And he takes all of that into consideration. He's not sitting with a spreadsheet saying tabulating how many hours. But that heart belonging to him that is most important as the heart is more and more belonging to him. All of these things become more and more natural.

So it's not like Tukaram Ji said today I will go to the mountain you see and not take care of my family. It's not that he determined that. It's not like that. It's just that God gave him the states. God gave him the presence where he lost the sense of time. He lost the sense of what he was meant to do in the day because it is said that till his last day he took care of everyone the best he could. No, but when these things happened, he had to trust God.

So tough father. So can I offload a few more tests to her?

I preferred the Shamik who said I would love it if you would just play some badminton with me and I would just love it if she went for a walk with me that may be good. I do all that.

Together. We finished the movie. It's Marathi. No, Marathi. Mari Prime video.

So remember that our spiritual life is about deepening in our love relationship with God. You see that is the most important thing. Everything else is secondary to that. Everything else is in service to that actually. You see, so we not to become oppressive. We not to allow the mind to oppress us in any way by using our spirituality. We notice our feelings but we don't forget his mercy. Both things are important.

In the sense that what can happen is that suppose I said I will pray at least 4 hours today. Actually what happened is not even 40 minutes. No. So you one thing is to say no no it's all God's will. So I don't notice it at all. You see but you notice you said 4 hours you did only 40 minutes. What took away your time? What? How did Maya trap you? All of those things, you see, but you're not to beat yourself up and say now God will forsake me and I didn't live up to my promise and I have no hope. This path is not for me. I'm not cut out for this. None of that nonsense because we rely on his mercy. You see, so both ends are very important.

I personally feel a little bit of tightness sometime like this is probably what you were referring to is is that a bit of a tightness about uh or a strictness of practice uh in that sense and uh probably that's what...

Exactly what I'm talking about. What is more important is the texture of our loving relationship with God you see. Do we find ourselves more and more falling in love with him. Are we feeling his presence more and more in our heart? All that is very important. Again, all that I'm saying can be used very conveniently as an escape from being in God's presence itself. He is merciful. I can just follow my pride. I can just follow my desire. I can just dance to the tunes of my fear. Not spend any time with God or serving him in any way and then he's merciful. You see, so he's still merciful. I'm not saying he's not, but then that would be, you know, the texture of that is very convenient. It's like the spoiled child who says my parents are very chilled anyway. They'll be fine. But our job is to use: all the sages across traditions across religions across the world have told us that this is a golden opportunity that we must not waste, you see.

Now I am not one to think of them as exaggerators or liars because they had no reason to. So when a sage said something we must take him seriously because what reason would he have to lie? Like if he's a great sage and he's seen that we we will get the opportunity millions of times but let me just light a fire in everyone and say this opportunity doesn't come again. You could be manipulative or lying like that. So when the sages across all religions have told us that we do not get this golden opportunity again and again find God come to Atma darshan live a holy life live a godly life we must take that seriously you see. Now what counters that? But I think. But I think. So what are we really doing in that moment? We're saying Kabir Ji is saying one thing. But I think something else. So we are elevating ourselves beyond Kabir Ji in that moment. You see and we must do that very carefully. Then are we really so in touch with God in our heart that we can stand on the tongue of these great sages and say no but I think? Are we really at that point in our lives?

But this has become a very common thing because what happens is that sometimes a sage like Kabir Ji is introduced to us in school as homework and things like that. So then we just used to countering that with our intellect and logic because you think he's talking about worldly things when he's saying do your work. So our parents use that for our homework and things like that. So then we lost the relevance of what the pointing is pointing to and we learn to argue with the sages. There's no harm in arguing with the sages. But we must first deepen in our heart and God's presence so much that we able to have that. And I have realized that over the 51 years of this life I may have had hundreds and thousands of opinions many contrary to what the sages have told us but I was wrong 99.999% of the time I'm seeing that I'm getting older that there's so much wisdom which I was not able to see. So now my default position is that if I think something if I have a position about something and a sage said something to the opposite I will say he's probably right let me see where I'm going wrong and then after great churning if I don't find anything like that then I discard the sage's opinion after great contemplation great meaning not a great contemplation after a lot of time spent in contemplation a lot of after a lot of inner journey.

When you hear in satsang that without atma darishan it is a zombie life, what truth value do you give to that?

When you used to say it in the beginning, it didn't hit home so much. But now I feel that it's really very...

Because if you can really hear this that I'm saying it very very literally. I'm not exaggerating. I'm not I'm being as true to my heart as possible and may it be that by God's grace I'm not lying that I don't feel like life is a life without coming to God's presence without coming to the atma to the dashion of the atma that our life is lived as if we are a bundle of food walking around and with the lowest temptations enough to shake us from God and the lowest fears enough to shake us from God. We are really living in a very very zombie state.

And I just feel like if we all like he's living literally living in my heart in everybody's heart and we are we're living life just going in circles we not we're not we're so ignorant of the fact and it keeps coming to me like like he's here and where what are we doing? It's like this kla life. No, that thing comes so kla in this world.

It's hollow. Absolutely hollow. It's so kla. It's not taking you anywhere.

So so many sages have said that gut ram vir which is saying that within yourself you can find god. And to make it accessible to everyone that roughly translates within the body you see which is not like spiritually the reality but how to make it accessible within your heart when we say heart also then it can be heard as a heart but it's good enough no because we look within. So when the series tell us gut ram or in everyone there is god Rah lives in everyone is giving us like encyclopedic information. No, oh, it'll be good for you to know that by the way, God lives in you. No, it is the call to action. It is a call to action. It's a statement of great hope firstly that God is right there with you. It's very inspiring as a statement and then it is a call to action. God lives within you. Where are you getting stuck in the games of Maya about relationships and money and health of the body and intellectual knowledge? These are the four main games of Maya.

Like you were saying, Maya has nothing to offer. It's nothing to offer.

In the true place, it has nothing to offer. Nothing to offer. It's just taking time away. Yes. The number one job role of Maya is as a stealer of time. This moment which can be spent in remembrance of God can be spent on a worldly pursuit which is so ephemeral we won't even remember it tomorrow. Forget death. About resolving issues which are so made up just to steal our time away from God. So one of our teachers first told me that we live as if we are never going to die and we die as if we never lived. So we live as if there's enough time to find God and to be with him. It's like there's nothing. It's like ghosts in Maya. There's nothing there. Nobody's there. What are we doing in Maya?

That's the very definition of Maya: ghost. Some call it unreal. Some call it both real and unreal. But nobody says it's as important as God in your heart. Absolute opposite of that.

For sure I'm giving some lot of credit to Maya at least for my um sanssaric uh whatever we have achieved right wife kids money how and wife kids money everything which in sansar I'm definitely giving credit to my father and that's where uh let's let's assume before I met you or before anything whatever I had which I called my possession or my achievements I am giving credit to my and I think that's isn't that true or let's assume I have never seen you or never been spiritual never prayed and still I'm having food and being provided So who is giving me that?

So what often happens is that when we hear like this that we must dedicate our life to God and it's a zombie life without finding God. Then what happens is that we see the tangible seeming gifts that we've received in Maya and we say that but it is impossible to not give value to that. You see now what happens is there's a position created in that which is saying that if I were to spend my entire existence focused on God alone, he would not provide any of those things. So that's what I'm also saying that Bhai said that if somebody was sitting at your door also and did not leave, you would also provide for them. So how is it that we are sitting in God's temple resolving to make our life in service to God? Why do we feel like he will not provide for us? Lord Krishna did not send Sudama away saying no no no I'm not going to help you in Maya. You see so the only thing to remember is that the reliance on my will to do things in Maya is a lack of faith in God's provision in whatever situation we are in. You see: like I am doing so much therefore I have family, wife, kids, money, all of that stuff. But if I left it to God, it would all be lost. That is the idea. And if you really look back at our lives, we see that God has helped us every step of the way. Every step of the way he has helped us otherwise none of this would have even happened. Now we call things coincidence. We say even serendipity which is a better word you see but you don't say God did it.

So so the the pull or attraction in my eyes isn't it because it's provides something or it's just giving an illusion of something. I'm saying the pull for us to get into to the me mode so that we can take care of things in Maya is what we are to drop. What are we talking about is between head and heart, isn't it? What we talking about is I'm not saying leave the world and live in a cave. No, I am saying that same time which can be used to spend in God's presence in loving God deepening in our love for God we spend trying to do things within Maya by taking on my will my way all of these things and that is a lack of faith that he will provide for us even within Maya and whatever has been provided to us has been provided by him alone. You see, so I'm trying to get rid of that fear that if you turn towards God, then you will have to run away from responsibilities or life with children or whatever idea that the mind is giving. I'm saying try to be anchored in God as much as possible and allow God to provide.

And that's what the sages have told us that we cannot fathom the extent of his provision the way he can fathom it. That's a very powerful statement. No, that if Sudama Ji asked something from Krishna, he would have said give me a jewel, give me a ring, something to take care of or just provide me food for the rest. He didn't ask for everything. And then when he was about to reach home, he started getting scared that now my wife will be upset because you've met the king but you did not even ask for anything for us. So when he reached home he saw that he felt like he had taken the wrong way because he's back to the palace. He felt like he must have taken the wrong way and gone back to Krishna's palace. By the time he got home Krishna's palace, all the help, everything was available to him, just by God's mercy. You see, so God will take care of us much more than we can ever imagine he would take care of us. You see, because we will fathom only small things. He has taken care of us already much more than we ever fathom and he will in the future as well. Now Maya brings us into desire and brings us into fear and we have to learn to just keep letting go of that.

Suppose you got from this point on forget the past from this point on where you are hearing this Satsang today if you got no spiritual wealth after this but you got all the wealth in the universe would you be okay with that?

Same other way also is not okay: all the spiritual wealth and zero material, not yet. That is the fear. Okay. All the spiritual wealth and zero. I am not there. I cannot still agree with you. I mean I cannot surrender at this time.

So where are we at then? More spiritual wealth but not reduction in material wealth from here? But we have no control over that you know like the world situation today we don't know where it's going you see. In the Covid time also I remember saying the same thing we don't know where it's going so we don't know whether we'll be alive tomorrow we don't know anything about that you see so all our grasping at our material wealth also does not ensure that it's going to remain secure you see because there are bigger forces at play what can we do. So I would say let's come to this point and I'm also working towards that. It's not that I'm there. Where we say that if all the wealth I had from now on was only spiritual. I'm going to try and be okay with that. Let's work towards it together.

Even if we take it very simplistically that if every name is counted as one coin that's all the coin I want to make now. And how many coins you want? As many like billions I I want to be a billionaire in in God's name coins.

I'm making that point trivially but I should make it more seriously. How much spiritual wealth do we need? Maybe. Nobody asked this question. Nobody asked this question. Everybody says how much material wealth do I need? How much do I need to have to fire? So all of these things we calculate but how much spiritual wealth do we need? We say oh he is merciful. That's the he is merciful which I'm trying to break. He is merciful but we can't just live on presumption. No. Otherwise sages would not have said make good use of this opportunity. Make good use of this opportunity. They would have said he's merciful. You have nothing to worry.

How much spiritual wealth did Tukaram G have? How much spiritual wealth does he have? Gazillion or something. I'm just saying what is that minimum wealth that we need to get through?

When we come to yamaga gart as all the sages have said we come to the gate of death then even a great sage like in his devotion he was not known as a great sage but kajji also said no I don't want your ring right now although it could be worth so much but you when I come to that gart when I come to that river bank then you promise to take me across. How is it that thousands of sages have talked about this guard being so difficult? Karam G Kabir Gami Rabai every sage has talked about this Swami Ram Sud that I'm not going to this I'm not trying to do fear-mongering but the fact is when so many sages have told us something they they cannot be lying they must have some insight that they are saying so. What is that spiritual wealth that we need which will allow us passage to his feet?

Maybe my mind is trying to quantify it, father. Sorry. Maybe my mind is trying to quantify.

No, I'm just saying that it's unquantifiable. I'm just saying that we can never say that we have had enough. Just like in the world we never say we have enough wealth. You see, but spiritual wealth why are we so quick to presume no no fine. And all the sages have told us to focus on this wealth. Guru Nanak Ji has told us to focus on this wealth. Don't worry about the other wealth. It will be taken care of. What do we do? We do the opposite of that. We do the opposite of that. So how come we never ask a question? Is my spiritual bank account full or empty? We rarely ask this question. This is Maya's ways.

What is this life meant for? To be with God. What is our Atma, our soul, designed? To be with God. Everything is designed towards God. Now our brothers and sisters who are not aware of this, it's fine. They have their own pathway. We can't really see it. But now that we are aware experientially from our own life, not because one foolish man is telling you, but experientially from your own life, then knowing that the very design of our soul is to be with God, how can we be so complacent about what the sages have told us?

So the bank account feels zero. Every day feels zero. The spiritual bank account just feels not just empty but yes. So in a funeral that I attended they had a kirtan which was bakshando which is this time spare this one. And because of our earlier conversation we've sort of said that we can never claim entitlement you see we can never claim entitlement we can never show up at this door and say I am entitled. I mean maybe a supreme sage may have that kind of insight but for you and me we cannot claim that it's an entitlement. So we must now change our life. We are changing our life. So we must focus really on what the sages have guided us to. They've set the alarm bells ringing constantly but we have not heard them literally. They talked about taking Satsang literally but they have told us and told us reminded us over and over again not to waste this life.

Just keep at it. Keep at it. He really feels empty all the time. If someone says if you ask what is a spiritual bank account and moment to moment the truth, the true answer from within will come: zero, nothing, nada. So what do we do when we notice this about ourselves? We strengthen our resolve to change our way. You see, we strengthen our resolve to change our ways and we have faith in his mercy. We not to get into despair. You know, that's why both things are important to notice, to not be in denial and to have mercy. Have faith in his mercy.

No, it just I don't know. It's tough to say because the way is presented by many of the sages is not just like oh nice try but try next time.

Of course even like you may say that many times it's the Catholics which sound very fearful and what they describe as very fearful but if you look at our traditional Indian sages they I would dare say they are more than that also. So I don't know.

Like I would hope that it is that if I have fallen short God will in his mercy say nice try beta try again next time and that is my hope but that's not what the sages are sounding like. I have to be honest. I'm not understanding that. There are so many notions of hell and all of these things like I don't know.

My thing is that because I don't know I have to rely on the sages and what are the sages telling us. You see it cannot be I don't know let's ignore the sages also let's chill. Of course my hope and prayer is that I don't have faith in a notion of hell which involves any sort of roasting. At least that much I want to say but I just feel like so many sages across traditions have talked about an eternal separation from God.

Eternal separation. Eternal separation from God that sounds like that's enough to sound like hell.

Just like God saying this is what you wanted throughout your life. Millions of opportunities I gave you to be with me. You said no I want to be separate. Okay, that's it. So that's why I'm saying I don't know. But many sages have painted this picture why are they painting this picture. That's what we don't know. So the whole point is not how can I just avoid this topic. What can we do to build our loving relationship with God to live in God's presence? So it doesn't come to that whether it's again and again looping in separation or an eternal separation. Why? What are the odds of us coming to Satsang in our next life? It doesn't have to be this kind of Satsang but any kind of Satsang which brings us to God. In 8 billion how many are truly focused on this project. So is there that much difference between the cycle of transmigration and an eternal separation?

This is already a zombie.

Exactly. That's what I'm saying. That's exactly what I'm saying. So Indian sages what is 84,000 lifetimes and then the opportunity comes again. That is good enough as eternal separation. Some say thousand, some say laks. 84 lakhs. No. So sense of separation is about so I am just saying if I don't know should I just by default consider them to be liars? Then you know huh and who will you exactly consider exactly that's exactly exactly so some say 84,000 lifetime some say 84 lakh lifetime and this opportunity comes you see nobody has said 84 has anyone said 84 4 lifetimes and then you get the chance again. Nobody has said even 84. And that's what I'm saying. Nobody has said even 84. You see so that is good enough to sound eternal to me.

They say this is the 84th lakh birth where you have the chance. If you have earned the human body, you cannot imagine how fortunate you are.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm starting to realize now at 51. So she said for those of you on Zoom and I'm sorry if this conversation sounding far out but she says Anandima who one of the greatest sages who has ever lived I can say that without reservation said that we are extremely fortunate to have this human birth that we have. Why because we can make it about God. It's only to be made for God.

Only to be made for God. Father, then I feel like now that we have the blessings to even have a taste of this and have a sense that this is then we should pray so much more for everybody else who's not in it. I don't know why we are here and why they are not. Who is to say. But we can't leave them alone. With us.

Absolutely. We must pray for everyone. We must not get into any pride also that we are into anything special. I think it's only purely God's grace that our lives are unfolding in this way.

Father there are little little things like you know if you take six things like K is bitterness if you can just step away from that and turn towards love or neutrality little little ways then he'll only fill your bank account just the six K vehe. Even one. Let's get rid of doubt Sunsh. Sunsh. Okay, let's get rid of down enough. Can we do it? Okay, let's go to Zara. I know.

This wake-up call is good. This wake-up call is good. This part which she mentioned that if I don't have Atma darshan my life is zombie. Whenever you say that I feel like to run away I don't want to hear this because my life is zombie? I don't feel like. But if I'm starting to pray is it going towards away from zombie life?

Yes. That's all we can do to turn towards God is all we can do.

I also always wondered that what is life after death, you know, but it's also very scary. But yeah, thank you.

All of us sages have constantly said that we have to break out of the chaurasi fear. Chaurasika fear is what? 84,000 if you're being polite. So 84,000 lives need to be repeated to get this opportunity to be with God again. Now do I know this for a fact? I don't know this for a fact. But who can I rely on?

Father I'm here with you and like that's sheer God's grace. Like left up to me I would have been like I never never ever imagined throughout my life that I would even sit here, you know, never. I'm very grateful to God.

For this atheist boy to end up on this chair is also sheer grace by God. There is nothing nothing at all special about this one. It is only because God in his mercy is playing this giving us this environment to turn towards him.

Father, is there a difference when it comes to the intent of prayer? I can pray out of fear to escape zombie life or I can pray to love God. Is there a difference there?

So if you find that you're not able to pray in love and only able to pray in fear then still pray because that prayer which may start off in fear will convert into love. But the mind will use a tactic and tell you no don't pray because you're only praying out of fear. You see so you don't end up praying at all. So that's why all the sages have told us that even if it feels very mechanical, even if it feels that you're doing it jabarasti, they've said jabarastik that but we must pray whatever the situation of the prayer is that is secondary but you're taking the holy name of God that itself has a lot of power and it'll help you transcend the fear.

Suppose the problem is real. I'm not able to pray with love. I'm only able to pray because I'm fearful. How will we transcend that? What is the method that we have to transcend that? Exactly. So we can't stop praying because of that. We must in fact do more prayer because of that. In fact, we can pray: please God, Ram Ji, allow me to pray to you full of love and light. I don't want to pray to you because I'm fearful. That can become our prayer. Prayer doesn't just have to be a repetition of the mantra. God's prayer can be just a communication also like you would communicate with a parent or a best friend or a beloved. In Indian spirituality, all modes with which we approach God are taken to be divine. So you want to relate to God as a best friend and just talk to him? That's prayer also.

Any time any period of time where we allow ourselves to be only in God's presence is focus prayer. Anytime when we are involved in worldly things and we still attach to him in some way is our regular prayer which can go on throughout the day. But make it a point to have some time of focus prayer every day even if it is 10 15 minutes. And don't let your mind bully you into saying but you're not doing it with the right intention. Because it is like if we don't pray then we will never learn how to pray because prayer itself teaches us how to pray. All my words cannot teach you how to pray. You see prayer can sound like a very simple thing which even a child does but prayer actually is taught by praying itself.

So at least if you're starting out 10 15 minutes of focus prayer every day and as much time as you can take out during your worldly things to keep remembering God in whatever way you can. Sometimes what happens is when the mind is bullying us you can push the intellect to the next question. So the intellect troubles you and said but you're not praying with the right intention. Okay. So Mr. intellect how will I come to the right intention? Offer it that question then it may offer you another question like that and you broaden it even further. You will see that that in the guise of which is so intellectual and smart doesn't have a lot of depth. So the very fundamental: just keep pushing, keep prodding.

Just coming from a Catholic upbringing. I noticed that a lot of it seems to be about the heaven and hell narrative. Because there is so much focus maybe on that, I felt growing up that spirituality was completely robbed away from what was supposed to be spirituality. And I see in the dispositions of those coming to church that it's a lot to do with being good or being bad for the future and what the reward or what the punishment will be based on what it is that I do or what it is that the church tells me that I've done right or wrong. And there is a lot in the narrative or in the actual scheme of the church that makes it a fearful space rather than a loving space. And I have stayed away from spirituality for a very long time because of that. And what brought me back had nothing to do with that. And I feel a lot of resistance when you start talking this way.

Yes. Me too.

I hear you. I hear you completely now. I just wanted to say that truly like you say we don't know. I feel that the same way and I feel that I have also heard sages talk about after crossing that threshold wherever you are right now is where you will be mentally so to speak. And I've also I shared just countless accounts of people crossing that threshold and coming back and they all go to heaven and I believe them because I hear them talk and I believe what they're sharing. So I feel we don't know and because there is so much wealth in the loving quality of spirituality. I really have a deep resistance to any of these narratives about avoiding hell because we're not here for that. We're here because we want God now. It's not something we're doing for the future.

We just cannot not be with God now. It's not about fear of what's coming later.

That's not it. It just doesn't appeal to me. And I've stayed away for so long because of that. I'm sorry. I think it's hard because I feel like I'm resisting what you're saying. I think that's why it's hard to share right now. Let me give this a good chance to share further.

The idea is not to trouble any of you too much. But the idea is to trouble all of us just a little bit. I feel like it is important to be troubled by this fact. I know that I can relate to what you're saying very closely because I was an atheist remember. So I was not interested in any of these things at all and there are so many children who were Catholic who came to Satsang over the years and they've benefited from Advaita Vedanta and all of that sharing and that continues of course and it is going to continue. Now the little amount of trouble I'm trying to create is just to really get us to contemplate this question: if the possibility of separation from God was not a reality and there was nothing needed to be constantly in God's presence then why have all the sages or so many of the sages who we respect and revere and we trust their insight much more than I would trust my insight. Why did they speak about these things? Were they trying to do fearful control? Were they trying to get some power over the people? Not sages like Kabir Ji, not sages like Guru Nanak Ji, not sages like Namdev, not sages like Saint Theresa of Avila, Saint Therese of Lisieux. So I feel like it is very very natural to want to run away from all of this. I myself ran away from all of spirituality because I did not agree with religion at all. But I'm not able to resolve this question of why sages across the world: if this was a delusion. Why would they propagate this delusion when they were so right about everything else?

Haven't they also said other things about what comes next? I don't feel this is the only thing they say. They've also said other things.

Let's find out. Let's find out. I'm happy to learn. I'm happy to learn more and see what else they've said. But I don't feel like any of the traditional sages that we are talking about have said that there's a free pass. I'm sorry again I'm not trying to trouble you or trouble anyone and we are all in this together and we'll deal with this together. But why did they want to trouble us in this way?

All I can share is what that does. If we do focus on that I can share what that did in my case or whether I still witness when I go to church I still witness that it does to people. And when I hear them talk about near-death experiences it's the same thing. I believe them. I believe that they've been to heaven and none of them talk about hell. Why is that?

Nothing would make me happier. You see, but it still doesn't solve the question of why some of the greatest sages that have ever lived talked about it and reminded us about the urgency of the situation.

Yes. So what it did in my case also where I did not want to resonate with any sort of spirituality for a long long time. So but because the problem is that troubling that it causes us to run away doesn't mean that we don't now that we are more grown up we are more spiritually mature. It doesn't mean that we continue to want to run away. We must learn to be able to look at it and say how is it that great sages who have been nothing but loving in their expression have continued to point to this.

You see so I know I would have run away like maybe even 5 years ago if I came to a satsang which was talking about this I would have run away also. I'm not denying the uh the the feeling of wanting to not have this conversation there. So and if I was uh very keen on being popular, I would probably not talk about it in today's today's world also. But the fact is glaring at us very clearly that some of the greatest if not if not all at least most of the greatest sages that we can look back and look up to who have taught us all about the inner journey everything that is to be taught and what is being shared from this mouth have also talked about this. So let us bear the discomfort and the trouble together. I promise you I'm with you in full love and I'm not I'm not at all saying that if you're not going to get with this program then there's no love between us or something like that. So all I'm asking is that let us not brush it under the carpet because it is scary let us come face to face with it and see what the exploration together brings us.

I feel also that it's not just about it creating fear and then creating a new relationship with with church or with spirituality but also I I feel I don't know what you feel but I feel that I've seen hell here on earth. I don't I don't need to die to see hell. I feel I I I've been in hell.

I I don't need to die for that.

That's exactly what I'm saying that if we continue to what are they proposing? Again, I said that we are not talking about at least in my faith, I don't see any roasting and all of that. And may may that be so, but what are we talking about? We're talking about us continuing to make the choice of separation over and over, hundreds of times every day, millions of times in a lifetime, and God saying so be it. We we continue to make the choice of separation, lack of love throughout the day, throughout our lives and at the end of our life. So I'm saying this is already hell. So when I'm saying zombie life that is a way of saying that that this is already to live a life which is not godly which is not in God's presence it's already like the good place we talked about it's already hell pretending to be not hell. So what is the paradigm? It is that we continue to pick this separation in spite of being shown a godly life and God at the end of it says that okay I accept your demand. I accept your request.

I'm not claiming to know what what what happens or anything like that. I hope that's I'm just trying to convey that for me what has worked is a spirituality focused on now and not a spirituality focused on the future. Especially because I feel like I have seen heaven and hell here.

So I don't need to think about what's happening next. I I know to look for heaven even if I falter every day.

Very good. Very good. So now are you saying that unless I only focus on the now, you don't want to hear what I have to say?

I have trouble hearing this. Yes, of course.

That's a different question. There is one thing to say that I will have trouble hearing it and the other thing to say that okay now you brought me to something of value in the now but if you continue to emphasize on the fact that you want to explore what the sages have told us about what the future holds then you don't want to have any of. I don't know maybe we can explore what everyone has said just do a research or something.

That's all I'm saying that since we don't know you see that since we don't know why not explore what the most credible ones have said.

So you you're saying everyone talked about this like a overwhelmingly high number overwhelmingly high number.

Did did Ramana not talk like this as well? I'm sure we can find something. We can find something.

I don't know. On the one hand, I it'd be nice to see what they said. And on the other hand, yes, I resist this narrative because of everything I say. So for me I have to be honest and say that if Anandima said something or any of these sages said something or Guru Nanak Ji said something or Swami Ram Sukhadas ji said something. It is as much value to me to listen attentively like a innocent boy to that as to whether a Maharaj said something or Bhagwan said something. I cannot I will not put it away because some of the sages may or may not have spoken about it.

What is the downside of confronting the fear going through the process of exploration and then see where God takes us eventually?

I don't know if I like to take it as a fact because of everything else that I heard. I don't know if I am willing to take it as a like when I tell you these things about people that have had near-death experiences. I think it's the same thing that happens with you and the sages that you you are you have taken this and I I'm sorry if I'm being disrespectful right now because I feel like I might be. I just wanted to be honest. But when I when I hear them, it's the same thing. I believe them. I I believe that they've been to heaven and none of them talk about hell. Why is that?

Even you sometimes talk about the urgency of the situation, but not in these terms. And when you do that, I'm not resistant.

So if we look back at our lives and we see like I was very resistant to the entirety of spirituality. You see now God's grace in some way opened us up. I'm not saying that ultimately you have to come to the same conclusion because like I said I don't know but I feel like a process of open exploration can only be helpful for us to face our resistances and to transcend them. At best you may have a story which will go that I had this teacher one time who then really started to become too traditional from you know just pointing to what was true completely in the now to listening to these traditional sages and he lost his way. But we did that exploration together and I'm happy that we saw that this holds no water and all of these traditional ones were lost in some delusion and I'm happy that I went through the exploration with him and our pathways are now divergent only on this particular topic we don't converge but what is true about what is here and now is there's no trouble in any of that. Our love can transcend philosophical disagreement.

If I had positioned this as saying I'm telling you that I know, you see I'm telling you that I know, then we would have trouble you see because then you would say that but what you know does not conform to what my heart is telling me and all of these experiences that I've seen so many thousands have. So now there is trouble because I am claiming it as knowledge and you are claiming a different knowledge. I am very very openly saying I don't know but so since so many overwhelming number of sages have talked about it I don't want to leave it open to chance or just brush it under the carpet.

Okay. This is a hard topic for me.

Yes. Okay. But let's go through together some of these hard topics also. That is my submission to you and it may be that you are speaking for many in the room. It's very hard for many of us like who wants to talk about separation and let's only talk about the beauty of it, the love in it, the joy in it. You see, who wants to talk about this difficult topic? But it's a tough thing to reconcile when we put up the same sages on the walls and they've emphasized a particular thing and we are just not willing to go there at all. At least in my life I'm at that point where I'm willing to go everywhere where they take me. But go in what way? Go in the sense of the explorer to keep bringing it to the heart to keep contemplating it. And God in contemplation has made so many topics much clearer than they were when we started out. So he will shine his light on this topic also.

I always find it hard to disagree with you father.

Same. I'm finding it very hard to disagree with you as well. I just want to say let's forget all of it and just send me some videos again. I will see all of that. I'll forget about all of them. You see.

That's very difficult to disagree with any of my children because I know all of you are very spiritually mature as well. It's not I'm not something exceptional or extraordinary and have great potential to fall into delusion. But the only thing I'm saying at the moment is sage after sage, century after century, continent after continent has talked about this. So we must take it seriously. We must explore it. We cannot brush it under the carpet is all that I'm saying.

And we love you Georgie. I love you too. I love you sister.

I'll bring it to God father. Yes.

And we here we are not going anywhere. We keep talking about this.

One question on chat is: you say that saying the name of God or asking who am I, who am I brings you to the same place the openness to God to the gate of the heart temple which is as far as the intellect all our faculties can go. Is it absolute surrender in the truest sense?

In that moment, yes. Heart raised to God without concepts or any layer of clothing in that moment. Yes. Just empty of me is the absolute surrender. Yes.

Father, I think I just want to empty myself. I just want to breathe in your presence, father. I feel like my head is like this. Actually not because I'm thinking, it's not a thinking level, father. It's not about like my thinking process is bothering me, but I feel like I'm just so full and I cannot even hear you. And this fullness about all about like spirituality maybe eating from so many places and recently this fullness but not beautiful way of fullness, just fullness is so much present and I feel like it's just maybe God just bring me in another state so I don't make it a problem but it doesn't change the fact that I'm just so full and I cannot listen to you or guru ji or anyone actually I cannot listen I don't have any space to listen any even you like I'm in the Satsang but I don't have place to hear because it's like whatever any sage father anyone whoever say something it's like I don't know what's happening I know that it's a grace and it's just making a pattern it's good because I cannot eat from so many sources like I did thank God but it cannot continue like this and I'm happy but because of this fullness I just want to come to you and just having some breath that's why I.

That's good.

For now I don't have space for anything father. I don't know probably God will make a way from this. I know we will see together. I don't know what is this what will come. But you know father actually I maybe I even hear from you like we always need to do spiritual things. You say this like the name chanting the name. Recently I try to read spiritual books because from Anandamayi Ma I heard: if you don't do anything just read spiritual book. But I cannot even read any spiritual book. I cannot read maybe I just need to be emptied out and walk with God. This came to me in the Satsang. Maybe I just need to be in silence with him. And I did not do this recently. I was just eating a lot. I just need to be with God.

Very very good. Very good. I feel like you answered yourself very beautifully that you've been cooking a lot and hearing so many parts and all of that there's no harm in that but just allow yourself to be in stillness as much as possible be with God's presence in silence and allow him to speak if at all. So that eating is very important. And don't worry the rest will take care of itself.

I somehow trust. Just want to share. Thank you father. Love you. Thank you.

Okay I'm not bringing up the topic again for today. Next time. I think most of you know Jotima. So you may want to wish Jotima on her birthday. Eid mubarak to all. This is the first day. Today is the first day. Thank you.

Thank you everyone for those amazing wishes you sent me. It really felt like a big blessing and like a shower of grace you know like so many beautiful loving messages. Thank you so much. Happy birthday love. Thank you Georgie. And thank you for showing me your church. She sent me a picture. She went to church today. Ironic.