Just Leave It to Him, the One Who Is Running This Universe Anyway - 7th October 2024

There you now, fast, fast, fast, no slowing down. The mind is too slow, it is too gross. You're much more subtle. Like the Flash, you escaped. It tries to catch you and you've already gone. It can't catch you unless you turn around and look at it and say, 'Hmm, what you saying? What do you want?' Then it may... you are not to turn. You're here. Yes, stay. There's nothing valuable for you. Stay ahead of the game. Doesn't seem to be working as well on the Zoom. Okay everyone, yeah, here, here, out of it. Wherever you... here, come on. Come out of whatever has caught you in tangle. Doesn't mean anything. Hmm. Now here, now fresh in Atma, fresh being right now. Still. Here, here, come back to your freshness, your likeness right now. Yeah, snap, snap, snap. Unimportant, uninteresting, remain unconcerned. So this is how you be vigilant. It's actually effortless, it's natural. Initially it may seem some to take some effort. Getting the difference between this and the checker guy? If you were checking, 'Oh, I'm doing so badly, I'm never going to become free, I'll never find God,' it becomes more and more difficult. It can seem like vigilant, but it's taking you completely away from being vigilant. You're just mentally concluding. So remain empty like this.

Yeah, come, come, leave it, just leave. I don't want to take names, I see you. I can just generally say that it'll hit 50% of the audience. Is it that? Look. You're getting a sense of what I'm saying? This is how you are at your most innocent, led by God. So don't try to know. The trying to know is troublesome. Innocence is not trying to know. To remain simple, to remain empty. Yes, but don't go there right now. No, no, no, never actually, not even later. Because the minute you start to frame, you see, it seems like a helpful framing initially, but soon we are in the frame rather than in the empty. Because we feel naked without our conclusions, like, 'But you know...' So then you say, 'This is what He is doing.' So it seems to provide some crutches, some benefit, but actually it can be very tricky because we then—then that becomes an expectation, it becomes a conclusion. So then you can make a conclusion this time that it went very well; the next time it happens you'll say, 'Oh, but this time it's not going so well,' or 'Last time it went well.' So don't make any conclusions about well or not. Still from the mind. So don't go there. This empty, empty.

And be careful of the 'yes, but.' Yes, yes, but. That 'but' is like when we need to buy into the doubt. 'No, yes, but I can't always live like this, I can't go to work like this, I can't, I can't, I can't.' Then that—then those frames, those narratives will become compelling. And everything can happen from here. Whatever needs to happen can happen from here. So don't have an expectation that 'I want to be like this, but then work should happen' or 'work should not happen' or 'this should happen, this should not happen.' Then because that will burden it. Be empty. His will means we don't—it is not our concern what happens or not. That is to live in His will. So you see how vigilance, innocence, living in His will, all of that is actually like that. Just be supreme innocent. Don't understand.

It's just noticing that everyone—it's work, say for example, to meet a few doctors, they have to share a few things. So when I have to pick something, just like just came out, I just shared. And when and I noticed a friend asked for some advice, so I had like a bunch of things to say and just like... but um, I wasn't sure if it is from a place of conditioning or if it's coming naturally from a... um, I don't know.

We can't be sure about anything from the past. Is now. Now, where are you coming from? Okay, now leave that. But don't conclude that 'I can't speak then,' no. Because we don't know. That's the experiment. It needs patience, it needs faith. But not like 'I'm being patient, patience, I'm having faith.' Faith trying to let me also fix that work thing at the same time. In a way, being aware of course is beyond any of that, you see. But the way we use aware in the world, yes, um, to be attentive in a way, but not really about the content of the world because we can get then stuck in it. 'Just this is keeping me in the moment, so I have to just grasp at the content of the world.' And that—it's not about this. It's about—is the difference just allowing the content to flow through, but you are not trying to use it. You're not trying to use the content as an anchor. Not trying to use the content as an anchor. Like, 'If I just keep saying what's here, then I won't get involved with the mind.' So how to stay away from the mind? Just... so many people get into that trap of trying to be in the present moment in that way that I can just... but you see that that is very tiring for your system, isn't it? You tried it for some time, it seems to work, but you get tired. You want to sleep after some time. At least I do. So I can't do it that way. It has to be from a place of ease and to allow all these—the stream of perception to flow through. You try to hold onto that, then it seems like another activity that we have, we grasp.

So the sheer open and empty is like this. Pure perception, but unconcerned about the perception. Pure perception is unlabeled, unnarrated perception. Pure perception doesn't mean 'I'm only perceiving.' That is a mistake that some of us make, or in the way it is said maybe that mistake can happen. Then when you say pure perception, it can seem like, 'Oh, I'm only perceiving.' It's just the perception remains pure, empty of labels, unadulterated perception. But I'm being or awaring more than I'm perceiving. Perception is just happening naturally in the process.

So Father, I, you know, you mentioned as it is said in the past, you know, a lot of sages have talked about it. A lot of times when you're sitting, you can almost see the 'I', your ego in perception. It's talking, it's doing things, and you can begin to actually—you can begin to separate that that is not you, right? And you can hear the birds, you can hear the sounds, you can hear everything. But somewhere at the back, you know this phrase 'I am that' you read and everybody's talked about it, you have talked about it. It is the 'I' there, even though you know it is not the 'I', your ego 'I' still for me seems to...

We've talked about it a lot of times. When you're sitting, you can almost see the 'I', your ego in perception. It's talking, it's doing things, and you can begin to actually separate that—that is not you, right? And you can hear the birds, you can hear the sounds, you can hear everything. But somewhere at the back, you know this phrase 'I am that' you read and everybody's talked about it, you have talked about it. It is the 'I' there, even though you know it is not the 'I'. Your ego 'I' still, for me, seems to put you in a loop. You know, that is still the 'I', right? Versus in pure perception, you're letting everything flow and you don't even want this 'I' business. So maybe if you can talk a little bit more about why do the great ones say 'I am that I am'? For me, it's just, you know, right when you're sinking in, your mind throws this: 'Okay, this is the I am' and then you go into another loop. So I just wanted you to talk about it.

Yes, I hear your question. So let's look at for a moment continuing to be empty like we are. Like, how would I do the play-acting of being an individual? The ego is the idea of 'I am something'. There is no boundless ego. So if I was to now, from this emptiness, take on a boundary to be true about me, see? So let's try and do that experiment which you said, that you can see the ego play out. And maybe you notice that the minute you return to the seeing rather than the involvement with the boundary, then the strands of the ego are not so strong anymore. They start to thin out. And maybe for that moment, maybe even at a distance, so now I'm boundless, you see? Now when I say 'I am boundless', for example, who am I referring to? We're not saying Ananta is boundless. Ananta obviously can't be boundless, you see? Ananta is the name for this body, mind. And those of you who consider Ananta the Guru, it's just a name for your inner Satguru presence.

So when it is said that 'I am that' or 'I am boundless', is it referring to the separate individual entity? Because the ego is the idea of an entity. So why do the sages then say that 'I am'? Bhagavan said something very important on this matter. He said that till 'I am', no trouble. When 'I am something', that is when the trouble starts. And by definition, then, that is where the ego starts. But unidentified beingness is that same pointer from the sages: 'Just be' or just to remain empty of identification, empty of attachment.

So, get a sense of it. One is a made-up 'me' that 'I am so good' or 'I am so bad', 'I am enlightened' or 'I am bound'. These are boundaries. Every construct that we take to be true about ourselves then becomes a boundary. It's like saying that if I give you a task that for the next two hours, just imagine yourself to be somebody who lives in Barbados or something like that. You keep having to try to bring attention to thoughts about living on the beach in Barbados or something for two hours, and give that identification a name, Jim, whatever. And you keep building on, 'Oh, my family was like this, they came from the Bahamas, I need to take a holiday.' So then in two hours, there will be some identification, some conditioning around the Jim who is from Barbados, you see?

So it's like, in a way, saying you watch a movie which you find the character very relatable, and then the movie is over, and then somebody comes and tells you, 'Oh, in the sequel of this movie, this one dies.' So then you say, 'Oh, that hurt.' How, you see? Because there's identification there, conditioning around that identity. So that 'I am somethingness' then—'I am Bala', 'I am a father', 'I am at work', 'this is my money', 'this is my house', 'this is my family'—all of these attributes then become the conditions which define the ego. So the ego is basically a set of conditions being believed in by—we'll come to the 'by' in a moment—but for the moment, it is fine to say that if there was not a single condition being bought, there is no separation, there is no ego.

So, empty of that. And that is in a way the exercise that we're doing now. Also, the beauty of this exercise—meaning unattachment, non-grasping—is that it doesn't matter whether you have a million conditions or you have only two or one, you see? When you empty, you empty of all of that. So as high as the highest sage in that moment we are, you see? So whether you're Bhagavan or you're just little old me, when you empty of conditions, you are the same. Now this part is clear for everyone. So the ego is a name for attachment or belief in our conditioning. And then that, when we are oppressed in that, when we are in the mental prison of this conditioning, of these limitations, then when our expression seems to operate under that burden, then we say that person is being egoic, or 'I was being egoic', or 'I am being egoic'. So this is when we are egoic.

Now, we just said that empty of all of that, we are the same. Now what is that sameness? Have we ceased to exist? We haven't ceased to exist. Even perception is here. You're hearing. You could be empty, you could not be identifying with the body, and yet the centrality of this visual perspective may continue. All of this world may be perceived and yet you're not identified, you're not being egoic. So that being empty of being something is called the 'I am', see? So that is the 'I am' because 'I am' even this. Somebody says, 'So who's perceiving now?' Unless we become very intellectually adept, like with the innocence of a child, you ask them, 'So who's looking at this hat?' or 'Who sees this hat?' they will say 'I am', see? Even before, like a very young age when they just start to speak, 11 months, 12 months—what age do they start to become old? So they will respond in those innocent ways, but empty of any 'I' conditions or pride or sense of ownership in that moment.

So empty of all identification, if I was to say 'Who's aware of this perception?' you say 'I am aware', you see? But that 'I am' is not adulterated by conditions of pride, of unworthiness, of any of these ideas. So you're empty of the ego and you're just being. And that being is whose being? It belongs to 'I'. But that 'I' is the 'I' of reality, it is the 'I' of awareness. So that pure awareness which is aware, it doesn't change even in sleep state. Then the adjunct of 'am' wakes up within that, and in the light of this 'I amness', then the world appears, you see? And the world appears, then all this play of light and sound happens. And also in the play of light and sound, one play is that of these mental constructs, language in our head, which is offering us these proposals that 'I am something', 'I should be better', 'I can learn this'. So attaching to those, as harmless as they may seem initially, like 'I like green coconut better than brown coconut'—like, what's so egoic in that, see? But you notice that, 'Oh, it happened because when I was a child I had this tree.' You see, the whole narrative is stuck in the most harmless-seeming notions.

So to remain empty, innocent of even that, is to remain empty of ego, you see? So this 'I' which is pure awareness then gives birth to this 'am' which is pure being. I am. It is 'I am', see? Nobody says 'I was asleep but then somebody woke up'. They say 'I woke up'. It's most natural to say 'I woke up' because this is it—it is the 'I' itself in its manifest aspect as being, as 'am', which arises, which suddenly the light comes on. Nobody knows how, nobody knows when, nobody knows why, just this 'am' comes, you see?

Now in this 'am', imagine the world in which it was impossible to identify. This world just wakes up, everything is. But then some may have a complaint against the game designer saying, 'It's nice, visually nice, but it's not relatable.' Like we see many movies, we call them art films or something, you see, which may look—even some of them don't look visually nice—but suppose it's visually very compelling but it didn't have a narrative you could resonate with, you see? So our primitive, lame-sounding theory is that that entertainment without relatability was not enough juice for God playing this game. God said, 'Let me make it so that when I play the game, not only do I have the body of James Bond or whoever, I also have a narrative that I have been given this mission, I have to rescue this country or this prime minister of this country, I have to save the world in this way,' you see? And in that picking up the narrative, this 'I am' takes up the idea that 'I am James Bond' or whatever.

In the same way, we are playing the same game. 'I am Ananta', 'I am Bala', this and that. And now to not identify, to have no narrative, no mission, then what happens? The narrative of the game still continues. Like, you stop paying attention to the subtitles, it doesn't mean the subtitles of the movie will stop. They may stop at one point, but initially it will seem like the narrative continues. That narrative is designed to make you identify as the character in the game, as the character around which the game seems to be centered, out of whom you seem to be perceiving this world. But that is the same for the dream, that we seem to be perceiving a world out of the central perspective of this character. So to be free from that identification, from that one, is to be free from the ego. But the 'I'—so that is why the sages said 'I'. Bhagavan said 'I' removes the 'I' and yet remains the 'I'. So that is impossible for the mind to understand, isn't it? It removes the false 'I', the 'I am something', the egotism is removed, and yet the true 'I', the Nirguna Brahman that is our true reality, remains. That is why it's called self-realization. It is still the Self, but it is not a limited self, it is not an egoic self.

The difference between big 'S' Self and small 's' self is very big. Sense of 'I', I'm experiencing boundlessly.

Yes. Are you experiencing boundlessly?

That's what I'm trying to say. In a way, you are. Like, you're not experiencing a boundary.

No, no. So then one—so when you said 'don't make that conclusion', it goes. But no, I'm asking. The conclusion offers itself like a very juicy chocolate, that 'Oh, finally I found some meaning in that whole process that we did. This is what it means, I am like this.' So when it comes like that and really close, and if you notice yourself, just because that ball is better dropped than caught. This is the only game like that.

In the—what I find is a little bit of where I know this is—but this is words and in a way also impossible not to see. But I just, you know, like what gets to me, it's like suppose I am in, like, feeling really blissful, then that feeling that pops up: 'I'm feeling very good.' Yeah, yeah, that feeling says 'I'm feeling very good'. There's something else that comes. So to come to that feeling of feeling very good, I have actually put that person Sonali in, like, 'Please now, you know, enough is enough.' And then I'm in another zone and I'm feeling. But then what happens is that I come out of that because I then feel like I'm the experiencer of this.

You feel, yeah, sometimes. And then that—so that one word is the whole difference. As long as you feel, whatever, it's fine. But if that 'feel' becomes 'thing', then that is the start of trouble. So you feel very good. Even if you go to some pilgrimage or some beautiful holiday spot, you may feel very good, yeah. The minute you start to think about feeling very good, that 'this feels very good', then it says, 'Okay, so maybe I should move here, maybe I can just live here.' All of that, then that feeling very good then becomes distant. Then we say, 'Oh, okay, now I got too caught up in all of this. Let me—I want to taste that which I first experienced like that.' So then because we have concluded about it, it is no longer just being perceived as pure feeling, but now is the idea of good and bad, right and wrong. All of this is the same track. So don't determine any good or bad, and then we start to notice that. Like when you get used to remaining empty, then you start to notice the texture of feeling and the texture of thinking, and both can be allowed. But to buy into the invitation from the thought is, 'I'll help you make sense of what this is.' Like an itch that you want to scratch, I'll...

But it is no longer just being perceived as pure feeling, but now is the idea of good and bad, right and wrong. All of this is the same track, so don't determine any good or bad. Then we start to notice that when you get used to remaining empty, you start to notice the texture of feeling and the texture of thinking, and both can be allowed. But to buy into the invitation from the thought is: 'I'll help you make sense of what this is.' It's like an itch that you want to scratch. 'I'll tell you what's happening.' You're fine. You're just fine. Everybody's fine. No, like this, everyone is fine. Impossible to be trouble. Then it says, 'Let me tell you what's happening in your life. You know, the people at your work, they all hate you.' And nothing changed, really. You were just sitting, and it seemed like you went from just Heaven to Hell in two thoughts. You know, just in two thoughts, you can just make that leap, just like that. What's happening to you now? Nothing. But yesterday, you know, she told me like this... that is exchanging Heaven for Hell.

And it doesn't do it so blatantly, especially for those of you in satsang. It doesn't say, 'Oh, come listen to me, I'll tell you about horrible things.' No, because it knows then it'll be caught out. And so it'll say, 'This is very nice. I feel I'm really deepening in satsang. You know, Father said those four truths about God, very nice.' Like that, you know? But then, 'When he was saying like that, he was looking at me like this. I don't know what problem he has with me.' So you went from where to where? Within a few thoughts, it all changed. So it lures you in with the bait. The bait can be very like this; it can be just, 'Don't know, you don't have to be concerned, you always looked at me nicely.' I'm just taking for example that these kind of things happen. So this is what we have to be vigilant to, but not get into the checking trap. That is the whole theme of satsang.

We'll come to the anchors in a moment, but you're getting a sense of just unanchored innocence, unanchored open and empty, isn't it? It's empty. You get a taste of it. So it always invites you in with some value. It doesn't say, 'I'm going to make your life terrible, come,' unless it's... I mean, for some people it does that, those who are fully caught up in the mind and they find it too difficult to escape, then it just gets to its true oppressive, bullying nature. But mostly, the ones that it is still fighting for, it says, 'Come, I'll tell you something very nice, you know.' So this human need to gossip is like that. It starts off very friendly and loving, then after all, 'Like this, like that, also she said like this.' Then soon we hate her. We started just feeling so good, and soon we are into these kind of territories. So don't fall into any of that decision, any of that conclusion-making, because that's how all the trouble starts.

Every sage in the world has known this. Do you feel like Tulsidas Ji would not have known that? It's fine, he would have known. But what happens is that life teaches us that in certain environments it may be conducive or easier to remain like this. You may feel, 'I can be like this.' They find that usually in the human condition, because so much of this push-pull of Maya is happening, we need an anchor to hold on to this, hold on to being empty, strangely enough. So every sage has provided some anchor. It is said, 'Stay with the sense of I Am.' It is empty, but if you just return to the sense of being... and you can put that same thing in so many ways. You can say that God is here, stay present to the presence. You can say it in hundreds of ways, but basically it anchors you, helps you remain empty and not go into any of that. So sit in your heart temple, stay at God's feet, surrender to God—it is the same. Remain simple and innocent, don't take on any person identity mask. Same thing. You can't follow the will of God unless you are empty of yourself and staying with His presence. Surrender, love, faith, patience—all of these are just meant to help us remain like this, empty of ourselves. Empty of ourselves is full of God. Kabir Ji said when I am empty of me, He works on my heart. Same thing. So just all the pointers are for us to be empty of our false self, the smallest self.

Here it is where the expression of the Buddhist and the Vedantin may be very different. So a Buddhist at this point may say, 'There is no capital S Self. I see that there's no smaller self, then nothing remains,' isn't it? And the Vedantin will say to that Buddhist—and maybe my bias for Vedanta will show, but we'll try to look at it equally—but they say that you said you see that there is no self; that which sees is the Self. That which remains when everything else goes. And this is one of my favorite stories in history because it could have resolved so many needless debates and battles between Buddhism and Advaita. So Nagarjuna and Chandrakirti were at the forefront of this 'nothing exists, there is no self, there is no anything,' isn't it? They actually got attacked by Buddhists—verbally attacked, hopefully—and so they said, 'Oh, because if you went to them and said, "Is there a Buddha?" they say, "No, there is no Buddha." "Is there this?" "No." "Is there Buddha nature?" "No, none of that."' So they said, 'Why you call yourself a Buddhist then? What you doing here? You see, what makes you Buddhist if there's no Buddha, there is no Buddha nature? You must leave the Sangha.' They attacked quite viciously.

So then I read in this very nice book, they said that then he clarified that, 'Your misunderstanding is it... your misunderstanding.' He said that, 'I'm merely saying that any grasping, whether it is even grasping at the highest concept, will lead to separation, will lead to duality, will lead to suffering. So remain empty of even the concept of Buddha, empty of everything.' So that's why open and empty is a conceptual being empty, not an empty limbo life, is it? It is a full life, full of presence, grace, full of the presence of being, which is Buddha nature. So at the root of it, the Neti Neti and the negation of Nirguna was the same. Only the final conclusion... the Vedantin was saying that empty of all of this, you come to the ineffable Nirguna Brahman. Nobody has said it's effable. Ineffable Nirguna Brahman, the Ultimate Reality, the Supreme Reality. And Nagarjuna's perspective was that which is ineffable must be left without words. It is the same as what Wittgenstein also said: 'For which words cannot be found, we must stay silent.' So just two different approaches, but the insight has to be the same. So all spiritual pointings, whichever spiritual path we are in, it is to empty us from this false identification of ego. And given that in so many thousands of years of history we've seen the human condition, and we've seen that this monkey of the ego, the tiniest element of it seems to always remain no matter what, isn't it? Then what is the sanctuary for that which remains, or a refuge for that which remains? It is at God's feet, or in surrender, or in Bhakti. That is why Gyana and Bhakti are two sides of the same coin, two wings of the same bird.

Hello. Um, it feels a bit difficult to anchor myself in my heart at the moment and it's been like that maybe for a week.

Stay, stay, stay, stay. Leave all that. Where are you? Okay, I said stay, now she's vanished. Can you all see you? Yeah. So now stay here. Leave the past alone. No matter what it is offering, just leave it alone. How to leave it alone? Is leaving it alone, or if it seems impossible to leave it alone, then offer it to God. And the mind says, 'Oh, it seems very difficult right now for me to offer it to God,' then offer that to God. And the mind says, 'It seems easier with you.' Yes, so it says that. So offer that to God. 'Father, this is what the mind is saying.' That's it. Job done. So to leave it alone is to be empty, is to leave it to God. To leave it to God is to be empty and remain with God.

You know, the half-an-hour time sheet that you gave me, even if I didn't do half an hour because... find the tool in... good reminder. I feel I need to revert to that. So thank you. I'll check in with you later if I get out... get out of this first.

If yeah... come, come. You don't have license to story. How many of us feel like we have a license to a story? Don't have license. Canceling that license. Does it feel, Father, that is a story today? This kind of satsang, very good. It feels if I close my eyes it's easier to see a story. That's not a story. No, no, not there. What would you say to a friend who you know that if they were to walk in that way, they would only get into trouble? The way in which they are walking, not the style in which they are walking, the way, the path on which they are walking. If they were to walk on it, it is only going to lead to trouble. What would you say to them to stop them? Stop. See, you must not do with mind what I do at the end of my eating window of fast. The eating window is getting over, you just grab whatever you can and just stuff it into your mouth. So you must not feel that, 'Okay, from now on I'm just going to be empty from tomorrow, so today let me just indulge in my mind.' I actually just started fasting yesterday.

Okay, come, come. Everybody's winding off a bit. What story is compelling? What is your story? Come on, everybody's story. Okay, theme of the story. One of the four themes. Stream? Anybody who does same? Relationship, yeah. Work, relationship. Food, because I said about the fast. Work and relationship, or relationship with work. But story is, 'I don't know this boundless.' It's a spiritual story. Health story. Netflix, something good is on Netflix. Okay. Explain by story. Relationship again, round two. The same old stuff. The same old stuff. Illness, physical weakness, work, relationship. Same stuff. What's that? Getting purpose, meaning. So same spiritual story. It's meaning.

Father, may I ask something? So because you said story, like energetic pull, it does not seem like story.

So yeah, yeah. What is it then?

Yeah, so the energetic pull in itself, what is it? It feels like it's something almost physical, like energetic.

Yeah, so everything is in that way. Everything that we perceive in that way is energetic. So suppose that... let's try this together. Taste the energy, taste the perception, but don't label it good, bad, should be here, should not be here. Nothing. How much of your space does it take? Yeah, it's like that. Just that simple. Because when we see, 'This should not be, this is bad,' that is when it becomes a story. No energy can hurt Consciousness. No energy can fill up Consciousness.

Yeah, or also like because it's just so much identified Consciousness with purity, when the feeling is not purity here, then it's just labeled and yeah, this is where the things started.

Yeah, but purity and impurity itself are labels, so don't worry about that.

But I feel... it feels like I never experience Consciousness or what you brought... what you're bringing us without this purity. So this is where maybe confusion arises. Like whenever I experience it, there is cleansing, there is purity.

So if you were to just think about purity, like constantly just think about purity, then will you experience this Consciousness? She probably... somebody, some custom... it's okay. He'll come back. Keep thinking, 'I have to be like this, I have to be like this, I only... it only happens when I'm like this, I have to be like this.' Does that bring us closer to that?

Father, speak. Yes, there is a lot here of this concept of being sattvic for God, you know, to be nice or be patient or be still. So um, that plays as a story quite a bit. The observation behavior of this person.

Yeah, so we have to see the... that's exactly what I was saying. That whether it is that 'I need to be pure to experience God or to meet God' or whether it is 'I have to be empty to meet God' or 'I have to be a certain way to meet God,' whatever the checking from mind would be or the thought pattern would be to continue in that thought pattern. So suppose we were to keep saying, 'But I have to be empty, but I have to be pure, I have to be empty, I have to be pure, I just, you know, I need to be empty to be pure.' You see, we'll not get there. We'll not actually be empty.

Whether it is that I need to be pure to experience God or to meet God, or whether it is that I have to be empty to meet God, or I have to be a certain way to meet God—whatever the checking from mind would be or the thought pattern would be—to continue in that thought pattern, so suppose we were to keep saying 'But I have to be empty, but I have to be pure, I have to be empty, I have to be pure, I just, you know, I need to be empty to be pure.' You see, we not get there. We not actually be empty of this needing to be empty. Start now. Just now. Let it go. Just know that God is here. Either you just know that God is here, or know that by your grasping, it's only going to make matters worse, not better. Yes, God is here. What is my business? So that's an example of an anchor. Like you need this anchoring, pointers. One or two is enough for anyone. Just whatever helps you remain empty. God is here. What is my business?

Ananta Ji, yes. Can I say my story now for a week now? No, I mean, it seems when I really have a physical pain, like for a week now I have a toothache, so much pain in my teeth, and it seems like really not possible to be open and empty because all the focus just automatically goes there. And I never experienced... so there was never openness when I experienced pain. And this seems like, I don't know.

So the open and empty that is being spoken about is not what happens to attention. It is just an open and empty of this conceptually. Open and empty. So if your attention is fixating on that sensation—and my attention would also do exactly the same thing if I had a toothache for a week—so either remain empty conceptually or remember God. Remain empty conceptually.

Yeah, like do the opposite of what you're trying to do right now. Yeah, that's better because then this Ananta is not me, because it was you. Ananta Ji is not me who have done anything in a meeting like this.

Yes, basically I'm thinking, don't think about it. Yeah. And if you have to think, then only think about God. Thank you. No problem.

I need to come back with you. Story or no story? This one took a holiday for some months. This is all because of Ananta, actually. That's my story. She reminded me that day of this version. Took a holiday. Took a holiday. She said that in... took a holiday. But, but, but, but where am I getting the 'but'? My internet connection was like connection, my heart, it just keeps dropping.

Another way to look at being empty is to only be moved by God. Same. That is when all of spirituality comes to the test in a way. Is it just whatever I want, whatever I think I need, whatever I think I deserve? To follow the will of God in a way is culmination or the beginning, whichever way you look at it. What would God have you do right now? You know that. So that's the key. Do not presume anything about Spirit. Like, let spirituality not become an exercise in presuming Spirit. What I mean, because our spiritual notions can then become just, 'Oh, this is what God would have me do.' But has He told us that, or has He moved us like this? That's the point.

Feel very frustrating.

Good. Yeah. So in the guise of the label of frustration, the mind gets its way of saying, 'I will not let God move me because then frustration deserves a different level of treatment.' See what I'm saying? So whether it feels frustrating or joyful or angry or just peaceful, see, either of those conditions don't mean that we can say, 'Oh, now because it's like this, I can leave God.' See? To be empty and wait for God. What do you have to do? That is a non-doing. So it's like saying, 'You just stay at home till tomorrow evening, you're going to win a million dollars.' Huh? Then somebody says, 'Oh, but that's a bit frustrating because it feels like I have to do something.' And then the one says, 'Do something.' Say, 'Yeah, I have to stay at home.' So that which is most natural for us is all that we have to do now. That which is most natural feels like a doing, then we better do it. It's not the how you... that is. And every time you say this...

Feel very so... so I move the rook to H3, they remain open and empty, and immediately the response comes, the queen goes to G5 or something, saying, 'But I've tried this for 12 years, not been able to do it.' See? So what is frustrating? The instruction to remain only moving in God's will, or the response on the mind?

I just saying don't have to do anything at all, literally, or not do. Then what is the counter-move from the mind?

One is the instruction. Listening to this is... that is frustrating also. But also can listening... sorry, today is that kind of satsang.

So how is listening frustrating?

You have to follow it.

Ah, so the following is frustrating. Wait, it's very important to clarify. So I could be blah blah blah, blue blue. It's not frustrating. It's the position that we have to make about it which can lead to frustration. It's like the teacher saying, 'Exam is coming next week.' So it's not in saying that it's coming next week is frustrating; that we have to prepare for the exam for next week, that is frustrating. So now, which part of this, if there is an instruction, which part of following that instruction is scary?

But not being able to do it. That you asked me for something and I'm not able to, like, live up to that. So that's... that very gets to me each time. Each time I hear it, like, I'm not being able to do.

So what is the repercussion you face from me? This is the self-inflicted sort of pressure which is only going to be counterproductive and just gets in the way of just being innocent. So be innocent. Yeah, you did it. That's it. No 'did it,' no 'did.' So when we say not being able to do it, it just fooling us, the mind, because it's a gift from the moment. Done, done, done, done. You can record like a constant, or like in the games you have those points. Every moment. The minute you get involved with 'Oh, I've been doing well' or 'I've not been doing well,' that is when we stop. Your mind says this is frustrating. Being vigilant is not frustrating. It is the checker guy which is frustrating. Now I see that too. It would never be valid to say it's... if you try and you fail, then that's not trust. No, I know the answer. There are two types. Sorry, my... there's two types of... one is leave it, leave it, leave it, leave it, leave it. And the other is hold Him, hold Him, hold Him, hold Him, hold Him. Those are the only two basically. Hold Him, or behold Him, or be held by Him, whichever way you look at it. No third strategy is needed. Either, either... what are you doing now? Either you leaving Him or hold Him. That's all. You're not understanding it. You're not trying to figure it out. Are you leaving it? Just leave it. Just leave it. If you need to hold, then only hold Him. You are tired of holding Him, then leave everything. You need to hold, only hold Him. If you don't want to hold anything, leave everything. That is Atma Gyan and Bhakti. Simplify. How complicated, huh? Leaving, holding. Yeah. Don't need a third instruction on the mind.

Ananta, hello, hello, hello. Can I ask a question?

Yes.

Thank you for reminding me that I'm... I have a tendency to hide. But I wanted to ask about the... if any stories show up, I mean, does it make a difference if they... if they leave it or hold Him?

If the story comes, either leave it or hold Him. Which one you want to do?

I want to leave it.

Leave. Leave. Yes. Today this kind of satsang. Next time when you come, a different avatar. Thank you. You continue, because what can happen is that sometimes when interactions happen like that, then the mind uses that as an opportunity to do postmortem. 'I should have said this, how did you say that?' You see? So you have to continue to leave it. Just leave. And you can change the option. If you don't want to leave it, if you want to hold, then just hold Him.

Because I have a... I mean, there are stories. My mind calls them like they... that they are conscience stories or just... they're just stories, right? Doesn't matter which is the story that is most difficult for you to leave?

Like about... like I owe something to my mother. Like sometimes they come, they catch me, like the very tiny subtle stories to come like from conscience. I don't know, like...

Yeah, so when the story comes that 'I owe something to my mom,' does it make us do something more kind, compassionate, loving to our parents, to our mother?

Yesterday for the first time, perhaps, I tried. I tried to pray for my mother and something... I'm just thinking, is it possible, like before I return something as a material goods to her, something... is it possible to become free before it happen? I mean, to ask God to become clear of this, to be...?

There is no restriction as to what you can ask God for. You can bring everything to Him. You don't have to judge yourself in any way. So what you actually did to pray is to attempt to behold Him or to be held by Him. So if you did the right thing, if something is there that you can't leave, it is best to be held by Him or to be with Him. It is to pray.

And because there is like... like she once told me, it was even last year, it's like returning memories. She said that I will polish her shoes in the place where you don't go to heaven, but the other one... like wait for God, like the purgatory or something like this.

Purgatory, yeah.

Yeah, she told me this and it stayed with me. Like it hurt a little bit.

Well, at least it's good we have shoes in purgatory. It's like good news. Yeah.

So I wish I don't go there, but okay. Okay, I will try to... and I apologize for my pride and my stupidness.

Nothing like that. There's nobody more stupid than me, so you don't have to apologize. Don't have to worry about this. So just... I may be making light of it, but really, if these two become our only options in life, that we just leave it or just hold Him, and depending on your temperament, you can say leave it to Him or hold Him. See? Okay, so let's put it this way. The mind is telling us something. This thing is a problem. Suppose it's saying da da da da, this problem. How would 'just leave it' work? Because when we just leave it, we actually leaving it to Him, the one that is running this universe anyway. Just leave it to Him. And if you are to hold something, why hold a grudge? Why hold grievances? Why hold pride? Why hold resentment? Why hold anger? Why hold lust? Why hold greed? Hold Him.

Father, yeah. I wanted to thank you, but I also wanted to expose something here, I think, at the same time. Because I don't think I was taking it literally when you were giving us instructions that you were giving us. And you mean when you mean forever since the beginning or now?

It's all right. It's true because really, the point is to come to the place where we can take it literally.

Yes, yes. I don't think I was when it comes to surrender especially. And just, I'm very grateful for these last years of satsang because I think that the prayer and your guidance and just life, just God making it so easy to see that where I'm completely useless without Him and all of that has made it more accessible to just give to Him. And I'm not sure it was a lack of trusting God, even though your truths about God are beautiful pointing. I think it was more about not trusting this false me and that I was involving this conditioning into the surrender instead of just making it all about Him. It was a very subtle way of, 'Oh, but I'm not doing enough' or 'Yes, but something else is missing' or some condition, as if God had any conditions. But I also want to expose that every time that there is insight or anything like that, pride is the quickest to come and just to bring it here because it comes very, very quickly and often. And I see that it's the same thing, that I only need to give it to God moment to moment and that's all I need to do. I can see that, but it's very persistent, you know? It's just so crazy that the mind wants to take hold even of that and yeah, and can't do anything.

I don't have any conditions, but I also want to expose that every time that there is insight or anything like that, pride is the quickest to come. I just want to bring it here because it comes very, very quickly and often. I see that it's the same thing, that I only need to give it to God moment to moment, and that's all I need to do. I can see that, but it's very persistent, you know? It's just so crazy that the mind wants to take hold even of that. I can't do anything with it.

Very good. It's very good to notice that pride is the first one to start building up. But just that simple way of just noticing this and offering it to God, saying, 'God, please help because pride gets me so fast.' Yes, it's further when we make that prayer, for example. So, we'll talk about trust in a moment, just remind me. But this may be a good example. So, I say, 'God, please help me with my pride.' In what way do we make that prayer, and what is our construct when we make it? That He's here and He can hear me more than the people sitting around me, or less? Or He's at a distance? Or what is our construct when we are asking?

Faith gives us this construct of the fact of His existence here, and an all-knowing, all-hearing, all-seeing presence being here. But it is always an act of faith, is it? So, that exercise of that faith, that exercise of that love, which is very important. Okay, but it's very possible for it to just be like lip service. Not that you're doing that, I'm just saying that we may say, 'Oh, I'm praying because Father told me to pray,' or he said like this, like that, you see? But we don't actually feel like God is with us, He's here, until that. So, our letting go and that feeling that He is here are completely in relation with each other. It cannot happen in isolation, you see?

So, that is what I wanted to say about trust. You said that it was not about lack of trust in God, but more of trust in the false one, you see? But actually, it's a similar thing.

What I meant was about a lack of trust in myself, that I was involving this conditioning into the process. I was saying, 'I'm not good enough, something is missing.' And I wasn't making it all about Him.

Yes, but see if you can hear it this way. When we say that 'I was getting the me-world, I did not trust myself fully,' we were still trusting in the 'me'—the 'me' to get us out of this mess in some way. Even our lack of trust...

Yes, yes, it's true. I understand. It's like, yeah, if I knew that I'm a mosquito and I have to get a bottle of water from the fridge, you see? Then to say, 'In what way, how can I improve my trust so that one day I'll be able to get the water from the fridge?' is also having more trust in ourselves than we should—in our false selves than we should, isn't it?

Yeah, it was very subtle. I want to say sorry, but these things are very subtle. Every time we turn to 'me,' if it is in words of despair and despondency, it is to trust 'me' more than to trust God. Yeah. So, our letting go of the false 'me' and our development of trust in the true one are part of one movement, one deepening of love in our heart, you see? And that is why my feeling is that 'God-less' spirituality doesn't work. Or even if it seems to have some temporary benefits or byproducts, it doesn't bring us any lasting love, it doesn't bring us any lasting peace, because it's like saying, 'Just this dance, this Tango, I'm going to just do it by myself.' It's not going to happen that way.

So, I'm very wary, I'd be very suspicious actually, if someone said that 'I've been able to let go but I have no trust in God or faith in God.' That would be very, very rare in the human condition. So, whether we deepen in our trust for God or we let go more and more, it will lead to the same deepening of love and faith and trust in God. He loves us so much that He shows us, huh? He loves us so much in this way, showing us that yes, we are not without Him. Yes, yes, this is good. This is good. So, this can be troublesome to the mind because the mind always says, 'What kind of God wants to show us that we are nothing without Him?' But a fact is a fact, and He wants to show us the truth.

This is so much love, Father, because yeah, it's so we can't go even this around, not down. I just pray that the stories that go often, it's not about what happened yesterday or anything like that, and it's just moment to moment involving me.

Oh, that's nice. So, leave it to Him or hold on to Him. I can retire now.

No, no! Just to remind you that you have to leave it to Him or hold on to Him. Yes, pretty stupid, like Father said. Very thanks.

Yeah, if I retired from sharing satsang, then I would not have this opportunity to remind myself when I become very foolish—much more foolish than I am already. Understand, these satsangs are as much a reminder for me as well as any of you. We come to a point, and sometimes very rarely I'm at this point, where I'm just not willing to move without His will. Very rarely. Because the point is really that if He is here to move me or guide me, then what is my business to try and do it for myself? It is only in the forgetting that He is that we bring ourselves to these points.

I bring something that happened in the morning. Yeah, okay. Yeah, otherwise... Oh, with the mic. I was wondering, I was trying to come to this emptiness and I felt thoughts were coming so much and I just wanted, I wanted to leave this 'leaving it' project.

You want to leave the 'leaving it'? Okay, just hold on to Him. Even empty, hold on to Him. If you want to leave it, leave the 'leave it' and leave the 'holding on'.

No, I don't know the question only, Father. I was just stuck there in the sense I couldn't leave it. What can you say something about that? Like, what in such situations? I just couldn't leave the thoughts, there were so many I felt then.

What everyone is about is that they couldn't leave the thought, in the sense it has nothing which can hold on to you. We can hold on to it. I try to hold on to a thought, but it goes. Usually, it is the repetitive nature that we call 'they're not going.' Has any thought come and stayed?

No, but many come. I can't be empty, that's what I'm saying. Many come at the same time, one by one, bombarding.

Okay, let's go fast. How fast? I can't... It may be your thought itself is saying it's too many. But how many can it produce? Suppose speaking, it's like a voice. So, suppose it's really speaking fast: 'You're like this, you don't do like this, you can't do this.' How many will you produce? In fact, welcome it. Say, 'Give me 100 thoughts in the next 10 seconds.' Try. Or 100 thoughts in the next one minute. Try. Come, invite the mind. 'If you produce 100 thoughts in the next one minute, you will win my loyalty and allegiance forever.' And then you put it under scrutiny like that, it slows down even much more. So, when the thought says, 'But this is too many thoughts, how do I deal with this?' then that is the thought that is the trouble, not the others which you don't remember at all anyway. The thoughts which are unimportant you don't need to bother with.

Seemed difficult. I just leave that. I don't know why it was difficult, just seemed difficult. So that you keep coming to... may seem easier here on some days, easier contrast came. Yeah, just want to thank you for everything, for all the blessings and grace.

Did we say we have Hindi when? Friday? Monday? One of the days we said he'll announce in the... from... maybe Friday 7:00 to 7:30 we can. Going to church, you do? It's Friday is the new Sunday. And Mahabharat is what? M, M, M, huh? So, what is the biggest problem in spirituality that you're facing?

I see these days it's the inconsistency, Father. It's like a very need-like, very convenient spirituality. Whenever I feel, you know, whenever I feel more drawn towards the heart, I do it. Like, I sit with God and I pray to Him or do inquiry. And when there are times there which require me to be involved in any kind of a work activity or be with parents or... then I feel that it's totally kept aside. And that is the challenging thing.

For all our lives, this is the challenge. The subject can be different. For some it is work, for some it is relationship, for some it is some other important thing. But the learning and the attempt here is to just know that all that is good can only come from Him. And if I'm with Him, then bad cannot happen. Because our idea to leave God and to focus on something else is only based on the idea that 'I know what is needed to be done right now, is the time for this.' But if you leave it to Him and stay with Him, then that is quite a difficult challenge. It's not easy because it needs all that faith, all that patience, all that courage. Everything that we are learning about in spirituality comes to exercise in that moment where we decide to let go of my wanting, my will, and to stay with His will. So, every day a little more, that's all. Every day a little more. Because if you put too much pressure on yourself that it has to be like this, then you make it all convoluted and difficult. Or worse, we make it mental and then we do even less of staying with God.

The intention is always, Father, to be with God. I feel sometimes what happens at home with parents, they have a very different kind of an approach. So, they do not even understand, you know, what kind of spirituality we are following. So, for them it's like 'balance me,' you know, and all that stuff. But to be honest, it's like here the balance itself doesn't...

You're talking to parents. Suppose you're talking to parents and getting around, but your heart is with God—and not lip service, but really like you're with God. You feel like you will not be able to engage with them?

I will be able to.

You will be. So, life will always throw us many... in everybody's life, it could be work, it could be relationship, it could be problems, it could be so many things. But... and again I'm saying, I'm not saying from a place of saying that it's very easy, but we know it is possible. So, the attempt is to deepen in that. Situations when there are times when I feel it's a very favorable moment, you know, to really pray or to inquire, but I would rather do something from the mind, you know? So, those are moments, Father, I'm of late noticing it's happening too often, which was not the case earlier. So, I really want to expose that and surrender it to you.

That is challenging. Many times you also become more vigilant to these things. Like when we started coming to satsang, we thought satsang is something very different. Now we're realizing it's about every moment of our life. So, as that is being seen more and more, the times where we make the choice to indulge in other things and not stay with God is also becoming more apparent. So, that is why I also feel that at some level I feel like I'm deepening every day, and at some level I feel that I'm realizing how foolish I am much more every day. Like today, I see how much more foolish I am compared to yesterday, because the stupidest things I leave God for, those become more and more apparent to us. Earlier we just feel like we didn't really get a sense truly of what the project is. So, what it really means to remain in the Unborn, what it really means to be fully open and empty or to be surrendered to God, and what we can change that for—for the slightest provocation, for the slightest... just as if we're waiting for something to take the day, to dedicate the day to the mind, so to the 'me,' you know? So, at the end of the day, did the day belong to 'me' or God? That is the question.

I'm very, very happy about this question. And for me, it is really about the courage to be quiet. And it is actually, being quiet is like to be alone also. And this means actually the faith. This is faith also. It's all the same. And so, just to accept that I don't have to grasp, I don't have to grasp, I don't have to get, to justify, evaluate, and don't have to get... yeah. And just accepting that is so clear for me, but I just... to just surrender to that is actually what I maybe it's what it...

It is really about the courage to be quiet. Being quiet is like to be alone also, and this means actually the faith. This is faith also; it's all the same. So just to accept that I don't have to grasp. I don't have to grasp, I don't have to justify, evaluate, and don't have to get. Just accepting that is so clear for me, but just to surrender to that is actually what I... maybe it's what it is to be mature, is to have the complete evidence in the heart that nothing else leads anywhere. So that's the main hindrance or the main obstacle.

Yeah, that's good. I just had this urge to just come. I don't know if it's like an exposure or something like this, but I just felt to come because I've been noticing that something is always like turning towards the source of existence. It's a sense of being that is here, and there's always a sense, even though in the emptiness, it's a sense of like praying to God. You know, when you say the name of God and it helps you to stay in formlessness, just like formlessness. But I realized that when I'm alone, like in my room or something like this, it's easier to be fully, because to not hold on to anything and to leave everything. Compared to when I'm interacting with someone, the sense of the humanness of myself... it's like something is afraid to be fully naked when I'm speaking to someone. Like, because with you it's very easy because I know that if I say something crazy, something has a space to understand that. But with someone who is like, even if they may be religious or anything, something doesn't... I still see that the words that are spoken, although it's coming from the heart, it's still meaning that I'm there. There is still like a personal sense of it, although it's a pure sense, but it's still like identity, the sense of human, the human sense about it.

And somehow, I don't know, it was just in here somehow. I've also been seeing this cross-section between just the formlessness and the sense of where... because I always also have, I don't know if it's like an attachment or something, because I like having the sense of being connected to God. I'm wondering if it's like a subtle false that I'm buying into or if it's really true, because something likes the sense of being connected to God or I'm just staying in just that where everything arises. Something like to have a feeling because of how I also felt the source of existence. Sometimes I feel like I'm just like this being, just this vastness, and I'm connected somehow to the unspeakable which I refer to as Father. But other times it feels like when I'm identified, then through the prayer it helps in coming to emptiness in the being.

I was saying this one time, Papaji was saying something, and I don't quite remember what he said, but it just went straight inside. It should have made it still something that wants to have the sense of holding on to, like how you say, hold on to Him and stuff. But it doesn't feel like it's totally bad, you still feel like okay. But I just want to bring it, and also because I still see that sometimes I leave God, and so that sense of wanting to be connected, feel connected to Him, it just seems very... and also because it's very hard to explain, but like when I'm just sitting or if I'm just walking somewhere and then I hear the spirit comes through like your voice or something in just this space. I can't say what I am to be able to perceive that and the position in which I am in. Also, because the sense of the humanness of myself is still... the human sense of identity, although it's seen as also like a function arising in just being in the Consciousness which is constant, the sense of identity keeps coming in and going out, coming in and going out. But I didn't just want to keep this in my heart, I just felt to pour it out to you.

So, the Nirguna nature of the Self versus the holding on to the Saguna, the boundless Saguna nature of His being, His Consciousness, which we often refer to as God. But actually, it is the same one. Suppose that this is the waking state where the Saguna and the Nirguna is there, and God wants to withdraw some of the attributes of this existence, of this creation. Suppose that first He takes out the thumb of time. So, time is gone. In the human memory, it'll seem like all happened instantly, but He took out time first. So now there's no time left, you see? So there's no moment passing between this and the rest. Then He remained the same, only that He took out time from the picture. Didn't He remain the same? Is it that He changed? No, He just took out one of His attributes, which is time, you see?

Then suppose He takes out light. Suppose He takes out sound. Suppose He takes out gravity. Suppose He takes out electricity. So like this, like this, one more, everything goes, you see? At what point did He change into someone else? So He went from the full Saguna to the full Nirguna. Did He change into someone else in the process? You see, a cruder example of that is like a turtle with legs out of the shell or the turtle with legs in the shell. Still the same turtle, isn't it? So whether we are grasping onto the hand with full fingers out or we enjoy remaining in the Nirguna, in the intuitive insight of Nirguna Brahman, it is the same one.

So we don't have to worry about attachment in this case because even it is said that to be attached to one whose only job is to point to Him is fine, because He'll take care of even that attachment. But to be attached to Him, whether it is to be attached to Him when He's presenting Himself in this full way or when He's presenting Himself in this way, it makes no difference. That was the first part of what was coming to share.

The second part also is very beautiful in the sense of this exploration of where I am, what I am, who I am. We see that all of these ideas, like a question like 'Where am I?' is also very important along with 'Who am I?' Where am I? Where am I that is aware of myself being awareness? At what vantage point do I recognize that I am this pure awareness, empty of even 'I am'? And from where do I recognize my being? Both are from the same non-place. It is only the instrument of Holy Light, the instrument of the Holy Spirit, the instrument of the Atma within which shines the light on these things which are unfathomable.

So it's very good to contemplate on these questions. Anything that brings us out, anything that we recognize very quickly that our intellect is not able to resolve, is a very good contemplation. Because in the presence of the Satguru, in His light, everything is truly known. But the false questions where it seemed like our intellect has some ability to try to solve, they can trap us for a long time. That is why it's good to move to a question where we know very quickly that the intellect has no chance. No chance. It doesn't have to be a fancy sounding question that the intellect has no chance; it could be very simple like: Where am I sitting right now? Body is sitting here. Where am I? Once you get used to these questions which are so heartfelt, you feel them in the heart, then you will not be so interested in worldly things like gossip, what's happening with this one, what's happening with that. Uninteresting.

I realized that somehow when I'm speaking to someone who knew me when I was like a kid or something, something cannot refer anymore. So I don't know what they mean, but it's like it's different. I don't know how to explain; it doesn't have the same substance as it was before. And also because there's also like a sense of like something is dissolving in terms of what was conceived to be real. I don't know how to say it, it's just different. But I realize whenever some sort of sense of little fear starts to come, just in listening to your words or like praying to God about it, somehow just everything is fine. And that's why I was speaking about this sense of being connected to God, because in the inside as well, it gives a sort of... it helps in putting like a solid foundation of my faith. It helps in the faith somehow.

And even also in the outside as well, sometimes things are up you can't really explain. And when I read the book 'The Interior Castle' which you spoke of, everything she was saying was just ringing. I was just like, thank you, thank you, because it's like so true. I was so deeply amazed by how... because I wasn't expecting like a sage from... because it seems very localized, the Christian expression. And seeing her vastness, I could even hear her joy while I was reading the book and how she's trying, despite the rigorousness and the conformity of the religious expression, she's trying still to make people go within and to really see this. Reading it, I always feel her presence so deeply as well. So amazing. And you show me that in emptiness, all the masters are alive. All very, very... thank you so so much.

Want to come? Yes, Father. I'm sorry, I put... here. May was... are you... go just say light, light to pray. Okay. Surrender now. Okay, there, good. Let's go to Lorena. Do you want to come or is the hand by mistake? I think it was by... see again, we didn't hear you.

I think my hand was raised by my mistake. I don't see by mistake, that's good. At least I... but it's good I'm here. All songs, yes, I follow. I follow you with all my heart and all my power, even if sometimes I don't know how can I express this. It seems like I cannot hear you. Yes, it happens when you switch from Advaita to prayer. I came with Advaita formation. It seems I don't know, I hear you but it's like I cannot hear. But I apply what you said and I start to pray. I discover Advaita, but Advaita is... I don't know, the prayer of the heart in Orthodox religion.

And with this, YouTube showed me Romanian monks who were in retreat and practice this prayer. It was very, very interesting because now, for instance... and before, and even now maybe, I don't have some resonance with this kind of teachings. For me, it seems like a foreign language. I couldn't understand, but even now I translate this kind of teachings in my natural language, so to speak. But I try not to. Yes, I am Romanian. I see some very famous Romanian Orthodox monks. Very good, very good.

Yes, I find the monk, his name is Father Proclu, who stayed isolated for many years and he stayed in the mountains. He returns to his sister's house and spends all his day inside of his room, one room, and prays all the time. He was visited by some television and he doesn't want to speak with them, but after all he speaks and he said, 'Oh, you keep me from praying, you know, so I lost my time with you.' I love that. Really nice.

This is the thing about the Orthodox monks I've seen, that they are so committed to prayer and to God. It is very beautiful. But it is just so astounding that there is so much beauty, so much love for God everywhere. In all traditions, in India there are so many branches of Sanatan Dharma, Hinduism as we call it, and in Christianity so many beautiful teachers and branches. Everything.

He speaks and he said, 'Oh, you keep me from praying, you know, so I lost my time with you.' I love it, really nice. This is the thing about the Orthodox monks I've seen, that they are so committed to prayer and to God. It is very beautiful. But it is just so astounding that there is so much beauty, so much love for God everywhere. In all traditions, in India there are so many branches of Sanatan Dharma, Hinduism as we call it, and in Christianity so many beautiful teachers and branches, everything. Then in Islam and Sufism, in Sikhism, it is so beautiful that sometimes—I don't know if I said in satsang—but sometimes I feel like I don't want this to be my last life because I want more lives to be able to immerse myself in so much love for God, which these sages inspire us to feel in all traditions. So beautiful. It's very good.

Very. You were watching something, we were watching some Romanian monk the other day. The name... oh, and the Father said the main teaching is to live with death in your face. The highest teaching, yes. And he said if he has to give advice to someone, it will be patience, patience, patience. Very good, very.

Live with death in your face, yes. Facing death all the time is a very beautiful pointer. Patience, of course, is very beautiful. Is he the one that you were watching and he just, when he finished talking, he just said, 'Yeah, I'm just a filthy beggar' or something? Yes, very, very good. The extent of depth of love, depth of knowledge that some of them have, and yet the tremendous humility is very inspiring.

And it's a struggle for me to don't try to understand the prayer, just to try to don't understand. And I'm watching myself sometimes when I pray, when I say the words of the prayer, that the mind tries to grasp some meanings. Some words are a struggle. Sin... sin is no, no... because it's very clear what a sinner is, yes. And in Orthodox traditions, they said that they cry a lot. And this, I cannot grasp this. Only maybe I understand that's just like something... they cry because they could see the sinner type of the human nature. Maybe like this I understand, because if you believe you are human, you make mistakes or sin automatically, no?

Yes, it can. It's... yeah. So this crying, crying and praying, it's very much there in the Bhakti movement in India as well. Many sages have said just to cry for God is enough, and to cry remembering Him is enough. But in this case, you're right that to see the contrast between His beauty and our stubborn insistence to follow our will can bring us to that sort of state. And many times I've heard them talk about the Jesus Prayer, the prayer of the heart, done in this kind of way. Full, with full intensity in the heart, it just helps to open up something. So it's a beautiful path. There was a book that we were reading, is it 'The Watchful Mind'? Which is very good about all these topics. I don't know if you've heard of it, 'The Watchful Mind'. Maybe we can share a link, but it's a beautiful book. And this is also anonymous. They show so much humility that many times they create these beautiful scriptural works and they don't even put their names; they just leave them anonymous. So very beautiful. It's a beautiful path, and I'm glad in some way that in coming to satsang you also got introduced or reintroduced to the Orthodox way.

Unknown, unknown. Like I came here to the... yes, I came here and I follow you, and I just follow you. I love you so much.

I love you too, thank you. I'm so glad you put up your hand by mistake.

By mistake, I don't realize it. Thank you so much, thank you, thank you.

Thank you. Some back. Thank you, my dear.

Father, thank you. I feel like I'm just unburdened, and it just needed to play out because I was feeling its pressure. And I feel more than good now because I just wanted to come to say—I don't know what does it mean to come up and say—but I just want to say without a doubt, I'm choosing God. Very good. Without any, any, any doubt. I mean, of course, I... yeah, it's just unburdened me a lot, Father. And what I wanted to say is that as you always said, not even His gifts. Not at all. And yeah, it seems like I feel like, yeah, just this. I love Him.

Yeah, that's very nice, very nice. I'm very happy to hear that.

Not even His gifts, Father. All the gifts He has given me, I just give them all back to Him and He knows what to do. I don't care. But I am so grateful. I thank Him for all the gifts, I enjoy them, but the rest is in His hands.

Very good, very good. Very happy to hear this.

Me too. Thank you. I love you, Father.

Thank you, bless you. Yes, thank you. Okay, was it something I said or what happened to this? We can sing. Somebody left to sing the bhajan. One of the satsangs, it'll just be me left alone. Sign of things to come. Hopefully, it will be very nice. I just open the door, nobody's here, I can just go back, huh? Is this... with online, I disconnect on my bed. Gurudev.