Get to True Life - The Life of the Ātma Itself - 22nd March 2024

So don't label yourself too quickly. Don't say necessarily that 'I am a Gani' or 'I am a Bhakta.' We don't know. It changes day to day. It changes moment to moment. So what is the way to true Atma Gyan, to remain conceptually empty? You see, like that's what we discussed, isn't it? That the truth is not something new that you will attain. You just have to stop covering it up with the false. And we cover it up with the false by filling ourselves with the notions from the mind. So be empty here. Be empty here is the way to true self-knowledge. So don't know anything. Be empty of all conceptual knowing. Then the Self will be known. So empty, empty.

And what is the path of Bhakti? What is the path of love? Just to love God deeply with all our heart. To remain in His presence, to remain in His devotion, to remember Him. Remember His name. And to remember Him is the same as to remember His name; that brings us to His presence. So we live in our heart. That is what it means when the sages say, 'Head empty, heart full.' Okay? And when your head is empty and heart is full, what happens? We are empty of self-concern, self-image, self-will. You don't want to be seen as anything. We don't want to be recognized. We don't need attention. We prefer that everyone around us takes us to be foolish rather than smart. You're not looking for glorification; you're looking to give glory to God.

So then, free from the shackles of 'me' having to be a certain way, having to present yourself in a certain way, having to get respect and get honor in the world, then you are free to be devoted to God alone. But if you're concerned about self-concern, if you're concerned about doing what you want or getting or having what you want, and if you're concerned about what you look like in the eyes of others, then that is going to be a big block to keeping your head empty and to keeping your heart full. Neither is possible. So these things can poison your spiritual journey, your spiritual search.

So let go of all self-concern. Let go of things that you want, all self-will. Let God want through you. Let everything happen through His will. And be happy if everyone takes you to be mud, because Kabir Ji has told us many times that this body is just mud; it is going to go back to mud. There is nothing so great in worldly honor and worldly achievements. If you haven't lived your life in God's love, then all these things are meaningless. So empty yourself of these poisons from your life and fill yourself up with humility, faith, gratitude, kindness, compassion, patience, courage. And the day will come when you are empty of the false, then this true way of living will be more and more natural to you.

So look for yourself: how do you want to be seen? And is there a reason why you want to be seen? Look for yourself: is it worth being concerned, worrying about this bundle of mud, where you can be completely focused on His feet, on His love? And find out: that which you want, do you really know it is good for you? Do you really know it's not more trouble? So allow God to determine goodness and right and wrong. For many years I used to keep saying that we can be open and empty, but the idea 'but what about me' keeps coming, you see. Keeps coming. This 'but me' seems very attractive. But this 'but what about me,' 'but me' is pride. This is pride.

So humility is: 'What about me? Nothing.' What about what is so great about me? Everything that is great only is from God. Do we all at least see that much? We see that much, that there is no way we can take credit for that which is good, you see. But the foolishness we insert into the picture by going with the mind... to see that, to admit that, to not hide from yourself, to not have blind spots of arrogance, you see, adds a great fire to your spirituality. You may feel that it's oppressive, but actually it is adding great fuel to your spirituality. Because if you're going to hide and put yourself on a pedestal in your own mind, then that which needs to burn in His holy fire, that we don't—that we shy from. So anytime, you see, if it gets too hot, we run from the kitchen. So then we can't live in true humility because pride has got us. But our humility adds this beautiful fire. And it's not a false humility.

You see that in the human condition, in this birth, the way that we are living, all that is good is gifted to us from the heart and all the foolishness comes from our heads. So what is faith then? Faith is to trust your heart more than anything that your head says. Trust your heart first. What does trust mean? First you have to go. Suppose you said to the world, 'You know, I have a great physics teacher. This teacher can solve any problem in physics that I have.' Then your friend says, 'Okay, now when did you go to him last?' You say, 'No, no, I met him like many years back.' Then you don't have—you don't trust that one enough. It's just lip service.

So if you don't go to your heart, especially when your head is bullying you, is offering you proposals, you see, if you don't go to your heart, then you don't actually trust the heart. So the first sign of trust, the first sign of faith, is that we turn towards it. We turn towards His presence. Without turning towards Him, we are actually faithless, although in our mind we may be great Bhaktas or great Ganis, you see. If you don't find refuge in Him moment to moment, then it's just conceptual faith; it's not actual. Then once we go to Him, then we must be guided by Him, be only moved by Him. That is when our faith will deepen.

At whatever cost the mind may be saying, continue to be empty and remain in His presence, or continue to be deeply immersed in your prayer, in your remembrance of God, in your marinating in His temple, living at His feet. One thing you will start to notice is that everything your head says is basically garbage. And you don't want to be at the end of your life looking back, doing an audit and saying, 'I believed so much garbage for my entire life,' you see. At what cost? And that cost we don't realize.

So it's so funny that Ananda said the same thing the other day, and so many messages we've been getting about this, that we will not keep getting this opportunity over and over again, you see. And you look at any sages from any tradition, they remind us that this opportunity will not come over and over. Now, is there a reason why sages would lie to us? Do you think that a sage can lie? So why would a great sage like Kabir Ji say that? So we must remember that this is a golden opportunity. You must recognize the golden opportunity that we have in this life is that we are here in this birth, God's grace called us, we turned towards God, we found a way to be in Satsang—any type of Satsang which is true and authentic and leading to living in His temple, in His presence, in His love.

We are blessed with so many gifts, but it is completely possible to be blessed with the highest gifts in the world but we refuse to take them. Anyone can give us the highest gifts, even God can give us the highest gifts, but if we refuse to take them, then those gifts are wasted. So don't waste your gifts. And you're wasting them for just silliness. What is going to happen if you end up... okay, the whole world says you are right about everything. You are right about everything. Then what will you get? All the world says you know everything, which is almost the same, you know, you are the Mahagani. Ask you the capital of Antarctica and you know, you know, the only one who knows. What will happen? The world says how great you are, puts you on the highest pedestal and calls you the emperor of this universe. Then what will happen? Have you escaped death? Have you found true love? And I promise you that without this, you will not have peace, although your title may be emperor of the universe, your life will be full of trouble.

So don't waste your time on all these things while all this time God waits patiently in your heart for you to turn. There is no truth in that that you turn away from when you turn towards God. That which you're turning away from is Maya. This world is meant to enthrall you, is meant to trap you by offering you enough glittering lights and seeming pleasures that you never turn towards the true. That is the design of Maya, to keep you distracted away from that which is true. That we heard from the Narada story also, how the greatest sage, one of the greatest sages who had Krishna as a companion, also got distracted by this world and forgot his true nature, you see. So when does that Narada story play out? Is it a lifetime thing? Okay, there was once the life of this one, this one, and in their life they were coming to Satsang and then suddenly something distracted them and they went away.

It is the design of Maya to keep you distracted away from that which is true. We heard from the Narad story also how one of the greatest sages, who had Krishna as a companion, also got distracted by this world and forgot his true nature, you see. So when does that Narad story play out? Is it a lifetime thing? Okay, there was once the life of this one, and in their life they were coming to satsang and then suddenly something distracted them and they went away from satsang, and then something pulled them back. It can play like that. But really, if you pay attention to the story, it is talking about us moment to moment. This is happening with us moment to moment. That is the true import of the story. You must meet it like that.

You are with God's presence when your head is empty, or at least you're invoking His presence when your head is empty. And then what happens? Be guided to move in a certain way, like Krishna saying to Narad, 'Get me some water.' And then what happens? Hopefully we take the first few steps, but then the mind comes in, distracts us with self-concern, self-image, and self-will. And that seems very attractive to us, and then we try to win in that way. We try to make our life better in that way till we realize that we got stuck in the wrong place and that only led to suffering. Then we return. And this whole story could end in a minute. Hopefully for all of us, you follow the root of the mind; after four or five thoughts, you know that you're just heading to trouble. Do you see that or no?

You see, you don't have to wait for the lifetime and the great flood to come. You should be now sensitive enough, being in satsang, to notice that by the time you're at the third or fourth thought, you've already gone too far in the wrong direction. And if you can start feeling that poke, you can start feeling that yuckiness, then you know how to quickly return to your heart. So don't allow this. But that same story, if it continues, then becomes the lifetime story. It can start in this moment. It can be right now. I say something and your mind says, 'How could he say that?' And in that one question, 'How could he say that?' is as good as that beautiful woman who Narad got distracted by. So it could be anything that just comes and then leads us down the garden path in this way. It's not the Garden of Eden for sure; it's the garden of suffering.

Also, what I see some of you getting stuck with is that you're trying to insert your spiritual life in your usual life, or you're trying to insert your usual life in your spiritual life. Which I am saying at a conceptual level; in the play of life, of course they are not mutually exclusive and life is all-encompassing in that way. But in your idea about your life, you still want to hold on to some desires, some image, some idea of the future, while saying that you're fully surrendered to God. So that dichotomy causes suffering. That dichotomy causes trouble. Let go and see how it moves. Let go and see how your life unfolds.

What scares you many times is very simple things, very small things. Ask yourself a simple question when you're confused, whether it is worldly or Godly: ask yourself, 'What is this for?' And if it is for pride, leave it. If it is out of self-concern, leave it. If it is just something that you want but you did not wait for God's will to be apparent, leave it. What is it for? Just some silly things so that you will be seen? Leave it. If the whole world sees you, nothing you will gain from that, but what you lose is immense. This exchange is not apples and oranges, you see what I mean? What you exchange for a little bit of pride, what you exchange for a little bit of attention, what you exchange to be somebody, is at the cost of God. Is it worth it to be a 'me' at the cost of God? Even if it is the best version of 'me' that you think there is—there is no best version of 'me'—but even if you think it, it's never going to be worth it. Like I was saying the other day, I'm going to fight with you for God, for you for God, and sometimes also with you for God.

So apparently last time, a lot of the questions got missed out from the recording because the mics were not available for some time. So today there's some reminder coming saying, 'Please ask anyone who's asking questions to use the mic.' This is also very helpful. Did we fix something on this today? Seems quite audible at the back, no? Okay, because here it seems to be echoing so well, but we are going to also do something to move it at the back. Yeah, okay. Who has a question?

I'm reminded of a question. There's a very strong habit here, strong to fight for some form of righteousness. Basically, it is obviously self-importance, but...

And by righteousness, you mean that when you think you're right? Not about what's truly right, not truth. Because if you were to fight for what is truly right, then that would be to follow God's will, because the only determination of right is if it comes from God. What do you want to be right about?

Everything. Everything.

What does that get you?

Sort of being in a situation where I'm accused of being wrong, yeah, so in a way that I will be able to prove that I'm right.

What brings you closer to God? Okay, I feel like we'll just pause here. This is an important point coming up. If our benchmarks change—what are our current benchmarks? Our current benchmarks are: Am I seen to be right? Am I seen to be a good person? Am I seen to be fair? Am I seen to be handsome? Am I seen to be whatever it could be. So all of these things are a benchmark. If our benchmark changed and the benchmark became, 'Does this bring me closer to His presence or does it seem to create a distance from His presence?' then our life will have a truer compass, isn't it?

Many times you notice that when the world is accusing you, everyone says that you're wrong and you don't have moves, then in those situations you surrender very deeply to God. It seems to bring you to God in a much more stronger way. But when you're feeling very right—'I'm so right'—then how is it? Then it's all me, me, me, me, me. But if you were to even notice, because most of us won't even notice at that time, you notice that you're disconnected from His presence in your heart. You're relying so much on yourselves that God says, 'Okay, you be you.' Then you be you. There's no room here for God.

So can we change this? And that was the reason why I felt like it is useful to remind everyone that there is a shining presence, His shining presence in our heart is there, and the only project, the only job in this life is to remain in that. What better bearings, what better compass do we need? Because everything else is provisional. Everything else will say, 'Okay, now you must do like this, you must do like that,' but it just doesn't really satisfy, it doesn't really deepen. But if you just remember this: 'My job here is to remain in His holy temple. I'm not leaving His temple. The world can try and drag me out with all its might; I am not going to leave.' See?

Then what will happen is that you are not gauging, because there will be moments where you may still be appearing outwardly to be fighting for being right, and other times appear outwardly to just be indifferent about it. But that outer doesn't make a difference as long as you know that you are with God, you see. So the provisional answer could be, 'No, no, you must let go of trying to be right, you must let go of that,' you see. But sometimes in the world, God, as Krishna will tell Arjuna, 'You must fight.' And then if Arjuna picks up the false spirituality which says, 'No, no, no, you are telling me to fight, God Himself, but I will not fight because I know what is right,' then that can become a learned spirituality, a conceptual spirituality, when His alive presence can guide us moment to moment. And that is the whole point of this whole conversation between Krishna and Arjun, because that is what determines Atma if it is coming from God, see.

So whether you are outwardly fighting or you're just saying, 'Let the world say what it wants,' of course we hear the stories of the ones who accepted whatever accusation, whatever the world blamed them for, and then later the world found out. But all that has to be coming from God because we cannot template this human existence. The only template that is possible is this: Is this deepening my love for Him? Is this deepening the palpability of His light? Is this deepening my staying in His presence, in His temple, or is it not? Then the whole game changes, no? The game changes from 'how I should be, what is right for me to do, what is wrong for me to do.' Then we don't know anything. We become innocent like children and we just follow how He is moving us and how He is guiding us.

Okay, so what to do till then? Till we come to that compass, till we come to getting those bearings right in our heart, what to do till then? Don't bother about anything but Him. Like a fish out of water, like a human who's looking for oxygen, every moment must be empty for God or bowing down to God. On both: head empty, heart full. Then your life itself will transform. It will take a different flavor and you will wonder, 'Was it even true that you were living a life without His presence? How could it be possible?' You will wonder that. That's a good wonder to have. But till then, fully, fully, fully God-obsessed. Don't let this tiny 'me' come in the way and talk about image and wanting and concerns about anything, anything at all—relationship, money, body, what you think you know, what is the meaning, purpose—nothing but God.

At one level it can sound very daunting, but I hope that at another level it's sounding very joyful as well, just because you know now what your life is for. So to transcend the faults, to transcend all the personal desires, all of these things may seem like it is daunting, but I hope there is also great fire and passion and joy in that. Because otherwise we've just been helter-skelter all our life, sometime chasing physical pleasure, sometime chasing emotional pleasure, mental pleasure, all kinds of things, avoiding pain, running from things. Doing all of this to now having a clear direction that your life is meant for God and His presence. His love is meant for you. If God loves, then who is that love for if not for you? It is not that the Mother has forgotten how to love the child; it is only that the child started to feel that the playground was home. Now you know that your job is to come back home to the Mother's love, to the Mother's heart, so to say colloquially.

Just keep your eyes on God. Mind will scare you. It'll say, 'Look at your life, what is happening, what is the plan?' When you live this way, then God is taking care of you. It's His plan because you're empty of your own limiting desires, limiting notions, see what I'm saying? So outwardly fighting or not doesn't matter. Inwardly, is it leading to a deepening of the love, deepening of His presence? Is it? If you notice this, sometimes—I don't know if you notice that—sometimes you could be like full fiery, but you know that your heart is shining, you see. And other times you're full fiery, but it's just blah. So you must keep your compass, your eyes on your heart compass all the time. It will guide you to change the benchmark from everything else, which is usually built up of self-image and importance. Change that benchmark to make it about a deepening of His light, a deepening of His love.

Every moment that you don't spend with Him is wasted. You've been given life, but you were dead in those moments. So let the moments where you're truly alive start to outnumber the moments where you're dead while alive. And if you learn to live like that, then you'll be alive while dead also. So move from being dead even while alive to alive even when dead. You get to true life, the life of the Atma itself. It is undying. That's why ask yourself, 'What is this for? What is this for?' Yeah, so this should hopefully answer this.

Don't spend with him is wasted. You've been given life, but you were dead in those moments. So let the moments where you're truly alive start to outnumber the moments where you're dead while alive. And if you learn to live like that, then you'll be alive while dead also. So move from being dead even while alive to alive even when dead. You get to true life, the life of the Atma itself. It is undying. So that's why ask yourself: what is this for? What is this for? Yeah, so this should hopefully answer this question: how do we know that we just not getting into some ad trap? Is God's presence shining? How do I know whether I'm doing the right thing or wrong thing? Not what you think or what you're experiencing and your idea of right and wrong, but is his presence becoming more palpable, more alive? Is his love becoming more loving, more all-pervasive, or are you blocked in your heart? See, and remember that I'm not talking about the feeling of love; I'm talking about that intuitive spiritual core where his light is apparent to us.

So don't poison your spirituality by seeking to do what you want—your self-will versus God's will. Seeking to be seen, which is self-image, versus devotion to God's feet. And self-concern, which is 'what about me, what about me, what about me' instead of 'am I sacrificing myself to God? Am I making myself fully available with full heart to God?' Is my spirituality just lip service, a tick in the box, or every moment am I giving my highest to him? My highest love, my highest attention, my highest importance—does that belong to him? So if you ask yourself these questions, then a lot of the mental resistance to the chanting, the ideas, the inquiry, the invitation, all of that will go away. As we are in this mindset saying, 'Yeah, you know what works for me is if I just keep chanting,' but even that is quite difficult. 'Can't I make it easier?' Point is not to make it easier. The point is not to come to the end of your pain; the point is to completely be sacrificed, a head to be cut off at his feet.

So what is the highest I can offer him at this point? You're sitting by yourself, maybe some your family is watching a movie. How can you make even that moment about him? Chant inwardly, deeply. Do the full breath prayer because nothing is so important. See the movie within this movie. I don't know what level of movie that is anyway. How many movies are going on? You chant, fly, do the full Atma prayer even when the mind resists and says like that. But suppose that seems like you have to be engaged in some work, some phone conversation or some meeting where it would be disrespectful if you're not paying attention or participating, then just do the Arpanam. You notice that grounded in that way, these actions outwardly can still go on and you'll be just fine because you did not forget God. You were immersed in his remembrance and his love. You'll see that life becomes quite a breeze. It's not so full of attacks and defenses all the time.

But suppose that you truly, truly need to be 100% engaged in an activity, then just anchor yourself in his love. Stay with that. That will keep you attached to his presence and you will move, you'll be guided by his will. You will move in his will. Then you may find that it is possible for you to remain in those times fully empty and the whole world is appearing to you as a movie, including the movement of this body, the speaking of these words. Everything is just appearing to you. You can't find any doership about it. You don't find the agent of volition; no agency is found. All of life, including the play of this body-mind, is seen to be on this screen of Consciousness. You're fully empty. So actually the world is playing out, but you remain in Samadhi. See, you remain in the unborn, you remain open and empty.

But this the mind can use as a trick to use this and say, 'Yes, yes, yes, I'm just open and empty,' you see? But if you're truly vigilant, if you're truly noticing, you will see that even if you are at the highest stage, some mind activity, some thoughts will go on. And sometimes in our desire to just be open and empty, you will buy into these ideas. So you have to be true, fully true to yourself and not fooling yourself, because nobody in the world is going to take an exam of your emptiness. And if the inquiry question helps you, or any pointer from satsang helps you, or you've discovered something for yourself which makes you conceptually empty, then use that. But this has to become unceasing; it has to become nirantar. You must learn to live like this, not just in satsang time, not just when we're being spiritual. Our life must become like that because, like I said, the moments you don't spend in his presence, you're not alive anyway, just posing as life.

Yeah, so love as with God. As someone rightly said on the chat, that this love can only be known in the way that God can be known. The fragrance of the loving feeling can lead you to this deeper love, which is intuitive. There's a box of treasure within yourself where the true treasures, the true gifts of God are contained. True love, true peace, true joy, true life—everything is contained over there. But in the human condition, most of us are so blocked out in pursuing our own agendas to make ourselves feel special, be special, that we don't venture in. We don't leave our mind to need the gifts of our heart. That is why most of human life is quite a tragic sort of existence, because the possibility of how your life could be transformed is blocked by your ego, by your mind. But once you allow yourself to be empty, you allow yourself to let go of your defenses, what you find in your heart is pristine: the fragrance of his love, fragrance of his presence.

Oh, the many hands. Oh, why are this? Oh, today is Friday. A wonder I see, how come? So we should, we should change the focus. We'll take one question here and the one here. Didn't remind me earlier.

Earlier you were talking about Krishna and Arjuna in the Mahabharata, right, advising him to fight. So Krishna in Mahabharata is a weird character, right? Because he is also the God, but he also advises the Pandavas to manipulate and cheat in order to win the war, right? Without him, probably they would have just lost because they would have gone the right way. How do you sort of reconcile that? And same thing happens in Ram also with Rama, right? He kills Bali from behind.

Yeah, so we can say with Ram, we can say one or two instances like that. You may say about Bali and something about Sita Ji being sent away. We quibble with that. But if you look at Krishna's life, especially on this field of war, any worthwhile opponent, he got them just in the wrong ways, you know? So while growing up, I always felt like I can never be a Krishna Bhakta, never be a Krishna because everything—one was hit under the belt, one was hit another way. Usually everything was done in this way and I just had to rationalize it because at that time I considered myself quite rational. So I would say that I can never be a Krishna Bhakta, I have to be a Ram because if you look at Ram's life with the thousands of instances of picking the highest path, even rationally you could point out only one or two places where it didn't appeal to our rationality of what is right and what is wrong.

Then I realized that—and this will sound strange and we can explore this more deeply—that at our spiritual core, morality then becomes like a subset, a thing, a set of principles which must be arising from the heart itself, from his light itself. So we will notice that most people in the world realize that lying is wrong at a very young age, even if they were not specifically taught that's wrong. Even a child who learns to lie realizes somewhere that they're doing something wrong. Even a child who's being unkind realizes that they're doing something wrong. So all of us realize when we have gossiped, when we have put somebody down, you see that those things somewhere create a crunch in our heart. So what makes this universal morality happen? What gives rise to that? How is it that you could be in any culture in the world, in any part of the world more or less—and of course we've heard of strange tribes where strange things happen, but don't worry about those things, I'm talking about majority of the human condition.

So where is the source of conscience? Huh? Consciousness itself must be. So God itself must be that source of that conscience. So the fact that there is a universal conscience which is more or less in tune with everyone else in the world itself shows us that there must be a universal intelligence at least which puts that into place. Is it? So now when that universal intelligence itself has come in the form of Krishna and is guiding Arjuna, is guiding the others, the other Pandavas to do those particular actions, then that itself becomes their Dharma. That itself becomes their conscience which they have to follow, you see? Which is a very tough pill for us to swallow, you see? It's a very, very tough pill for us to swallow. But for that, we must see whether in our relationship with Krishna from that narrative, whether that relationship is of faith that he was God himself, or the relationship is of skepticism saying that no, he wasn't actually God, he was just a human.

So if our relationship is that he was just another character in the movie, he was not God himself, then we don't have to have a relationship with Krishna. We can say like I did, that I can't be a Krishna Bhakta, I may be a Bhakta of Shiva, whatever, but I can never be a Krishna, you see? Or there may come a turn like it came in this life where his presence became so alive and palpable and he started—I don't know how to say this—but showing me some Leelas. So then I could not doubt that he was God himself. And when I could not doubt that he was God himself, then I realized that what is my intellect or buddhi to be able to judge his actions? So it calls for a faith which is beyond our conceptual idea of morality. It's very tough, isn't it? It's the same as the abrahamic story in the Bible, because there's no way we can make sense of it either morally or intellectually. And God also did not say that if you do this, then it will benefit millions of brothers and sisters, you see? He didn't give any justification for the command that he gave to Abraham. And that is why both the life of Krishna and the abrahamic story can only be met at a level of a deep faith and not by using any other standards. And that's what makes it very, very tough.

Okay, all the hands are up. I forgot it's Friday. Let's go one by one. Okay, let's go to Kesha.

Hi Father. Hello. And next time we can put in the chat it's Friday. Okay, we will do that. Hold on. Oh, there you are. Okay, we will remind you. Um, thank you for letting me come up. I wasn't sure if you would call on me and I knew that I would—that I took your time last time. But just this question came up or this clarity came up around kind of where I've been stuck and I just wanted to share. Just felt important to share, I guess. That so you—I definitely when there's spiritual practice, there's—it's just a tick in the box sometimes, I must admit that for sure. I—and it becomes stale. That's a definitely a downfall for a place where I get trapped. And also, you know, wanting to feel important through my suffering, like my suffering is especially important, so please feel bad for me, you know? It's another way I get stuck. But that's—this question is a little like different. So when another place I get stuck is like, okay, God becomes so palpable and so powerful, like more than mind, and is so—is at the forefront of everything and there's so much love and it feels like it's not because of anything I've done. It doesn't feel like it's by the grace of God, it just comes, you know, just magically. And so when it goes, huh? You must get stuck over there. I must, I know I must. You said you get stuck there? No, wish that would—I get stuck.

But that's this question is a little like different. So when another place I get stuck is like, okay, God becomes so palpable and so powerful, like more than mind, and is so at the forefront of everything and there's so much love. And it feels like it's not because of anything I've done; it doesn't feel like it's by the grace of God, it just comes, you know, just magically. And so when it goes—

Huh, you must get stuck over there. I must, I know I must. You said you get stuck there?

No, I wish that I would get stuck there! That would be wonderful. No, um, but then when God's presence seems to go, when I leave it, when it's left—

That's a very important distinction. This is that His presence doesn't go; we leave.

Yes, and so that's where I get stuck. I'm like, okay, if I leave, I need to understand why I leave. So that's where I get stuck. So I'm like, okay, what sins am I creating? What am I doing wrong? And so then that's when the stuckness comes. I need to understand what I'm doing wrong. I need to understand these sins so that I don't leave Him. I don't want to leave Him. So, like, how important is it to kind of understand those sins so that we don't keep repeating the same mistakes, compared to just offering it up and staying focused on Him? Does that make sense? So, which is priority?

That's a very good question. So, yeah, how much should we postmortem and figure out what happened, why did I leave, and can we or should we just return, you see? And um, you notice what happens when you just return to Him: your sight becomes actually very clear, you see. You know much more clearly what happened when you return, after you return to Him, than if you were to try and do that exploration by yourself, you see. So one thing we must remember is that the Atma, the Holy Spirit, the Satguru presence, is literally called the Satguru because it is a source of all true knowledge, you see. So under His guidance, we will understand things much better than we could ever do without Him, you see.

So even to notice our faults, who best to take it to is to take it to the Atma within, to the Holy Spirit within. Because in His grace—I took this example of many like obscure-seeming spiritual texts which make no sense, but you do it in the spirit of surrender and you let the Atma guide you, and He reveals such beautiful truths in those things which your mind just couldn't understand. And many of us are going through these kind of texts and noticing this, isn't it? That when just in our mind, we could never have understood the subtleties of what is being pointed to, and yet the spirit just makes them alive, makes all of this so apparent to us, you see.

So how to know how to improve, how to know what we did wrong? Best to do it under the best teacher, who is our Atma itself, who is the Holy Spirit itself, okay? So we must not look at it as a presence which is merely loving, which is merely full of light and grace and joy and peace; it's also the Supreme teacher. It is the highest teacher of which all sages, all external Masters, are just an instrument, a weak instrument of that, yeah. So best to return to His refuge and say, 'Guide me, guide me, Father. What is it? What is it that I'm making a mistake with? Correct me.' His guidance will be seen in one way or the other, you see. It'll be fine, yeah.

Yeah, I've seen this. Yes.

Okay. Don't, for any reason, not return to Him. For any reason, yeah. Because He is the source of all rest, all rejuvenation, all insight, all love, all peace. He is the only medicine for the human condition, yeah. You can rely on Him completely for everything, everything, yeah.

Yeah, that's clear. That's, yeah, that's a stupid question.

No, it's good, it's good, yeah. What happens once something is apparent in our heart, then after that, the question may seem like it was strange or it was not, or like that. But while it still has some fire, the question can seem alive. It's important to just ask that because it seems so obvious, but it's not obvious before we hear the answer.

That's why we have you. I'm so grateful, Father. Thank you.

That's why the Atma Himself has gifted us with these instruments, because we're learning to go to His life through these embodiments, these instruments that we are all blessed to have in our lives.

Thank you so much. So grateful. Right now, there, you know, there is a place for repentance too, no? Like in—but it's not a repentance of getting lost in the sin and dissecting it and understanding it, but an offering in a non-mental way.

Yeah, not getting lost there. It's just—that's why I started in Satsang saying that our humility, to recognize our foolishness when contrasted by His grace, adds a great fire in our spirituality and takes us away from any sort of pride and complacence, yeah.

Like there's a difference between humility, true humility, and wallowing in self-pity, right?

Exactly, yeah.

Then I get stuck sometimes in the—

And that is why sometimes I just say that, okay, good to notice all of this, but keep it at ten percent. Don't make it more than ten percent, because then the 'me' can become more. Anytime you start noticing the center of gravity seems to be shifting—that shifting is happening away from God and moving towards 'what about me?'—then we know we've gone too far.

Can you repeat the beginning of that sentence? Yes, my—I was saying it got cut off.

If you notice the center of gravity shifting away from God's light and presence to something about me, 'what about me?', you see? So when we notice our faults, when we notice our stupidity, our foolishness, when we are truly humble, we are humble because we want to be fully devoted to God. We want to be fully offering ourselves to God. It's still about God, you see. That is true humility. When it is not about ourselves. When it is about ourselves, to just make conclusions about ourselves for our own sake, then that is false humility.

Oh wow, I feel like I'm hearing this for the first time. This is very helpful. I feel like, wow.

I don't know if I've said it like this before, but just to notice, we can notice within our hearts what it's really about.

Yeah, we can feel it. We know it. Yeah, we know. Yeah, thank you so much. That's very clear. Yeah.

Bless you. Thank you so much. Okay, let's go to Paula.

Hello, Father.

Hello, my dear.

Thank you, Kay, for your interaction with Father. Love you. I really raised my hand because you asked me to. Ah, yes, yes, yes. And I also—thank you for that, otherwise maybe I would be hiding, probably, I don't know.

Very good. So are you still finding that in the new life situation, relationship, all of these things, you're still able to be unceasingly in God's love and light?

Father, I feel that even more because I see the pull and the constant distraction with it. So it's been even more, actually. The project, as you say, is to keep the whole day and think the 8S, and I see how difficult it is. I mean, how easy I forget. But somehow by your grace, by the grace of God, it's like I see how there is the pull to come back to it. And many times I see and I feel it's mechanical, completely mechanical. But it doesn't matter, I just keep—

Yes, yes.

And many—and sometimes there are many hours and I'm just not there, but at some point it comes back, it comes back. I feel it's like that, it comes.

Very, very good. The first part of what you said reminded me of this beautiful story of another character from the Mahabharat who was the mother of the Pandavas; her name was Kunti. And I'm not at all saying that your situation is what she was praying for, but she said something which I just got reminded of. She said that, 'God, I see that I turn towards You much more when I'm suffering, so please make me suffer more so that I can remember You more.' Such a beautiful intention, such a beautiful prayer to make. This shows an absence of self-concern so much, isn't it? That if to turn to You I have to suffer, give me that suffering, because I realized that to turn to You is the oxygen of my life. So it's such a beautiful thing. And I'm not at all, again, I'm not at all saying that your relationship is suffering or any relationship is suffering at all. It sounds very sweet and beautiful from whatever I've heard so far about it. So, but it just reminded me of this.

The second is that in your report, it's very nice, you see, because this is the report of a practitioner where you notice that if I'm going to be in prayer throughout, you notice how difficult the mind can make it at times, what distractions can come, you see. What it uses—it even uses our spirituality to prevent this from happening, to prevent the unceasing prayer from happening. And to go through that roller coaster a bit and to report on that and say that it is difficult at times, the mind does make it difficult from time to time, but I'm persisting with it, I'm returning to God—that's a very good report which I appreciate. I'm much more suspicious of reports which say, 'No, no, there's no trouble at all, I'm just constantly with God,' you see. So then that gets my alarm bells ringing a bit. But this is good.

And actually, all that you've been saying through the whole Satsang, it's kind of showing me that I—I mean, I need you so much and I'm very far away from all that you're saying, really. And but in my heart there is this—I don't even know if it's commitment, I don't know—but this desire or clarity that I don't want to miss the chance, because you also say it can be the—you know what I mean?

It's very good, very good, very good. Keep at it. I'm with you. My full love, my full blessings. It is apparent to me that what I'm saying—the project—it is to come to His holy presence and to live in our heart temple and to come to true self-recognition. The project is fully apparent to you, and I can see that you're trying to make this the most important thing in your life. And my full blessings are there for this. My full love and blessings are with you for this.

Thank you, because this may seem like a strange thing to say, but I see that even many in spirituality don't realize what really spirituality is.

So at least that recognition that this is spirituality—it's a full transformation of my life from being in service to the 'me' to being in service to God. To come to the revelation of God's presence, and through the revelation of God's presence to see through His eyes the source of all there is, the Absolute reality. To recognize that that must become the meaning and purpose of our life—that itself is what I've been calling the project. I'm very happy that it's being heard.

Yes, Father. Yes. Thank you for your words and thank you and your love and your presence. Without you, this is not possible, I know.

Bless you so much. Bless you. Okay, let's go to Aniko.

Thank you. So something you said that caused me some kind of instability still is playing here. At the beginning you said this kind of grace, this possibility to meet God, does not always come back again and again, life to life, so we have to use it right now. But I know we had some conversation about this, but still there's some fear here. What if it is not happening like 100%?

Can you hear me? Sorry, your voice is cutting, is breaking up. So repeat the last thirty seconds or so of what you said once the connection is a bit better. It seems to be moving now. Let's—can you repeat that part? Yes, you said that there's concern, there's a fear about—no, still frozen. Looks like either she's frozen or she's become very still and meditative. No, we can't hear you. Maybe you want to check something with your connection and see. We can't hear. It started off well, but now you're just frozen for us and some words are coming but they're not coherent. Okay, maybe she's going to come back. Okay, let's go to Dee first, then.

Hello, Father.

Hello. I also came because you told me last time to come again.

I see, I see. Very good, very good. I find it sometimes very, very hard to overcome my negativity, and I feel there's so much ego in everything. Like, it's really crazy, like beyond sick or—

Check something with your connection and see. We can't hear. It started off well, but now you're just frozen for us and some words are coming, but they're not coherent. Okay, maybe she's going to come back. Okay, let's go to D first then.

Hello, Father. Hello. I also came because you told me last time to come again. I find it sometimes very, very hard to overcome my negativity, and I feel there's so much ego in everything. Like, it's really crazy, like beyond sick or something, I don't know. And sometimes lately, I say the prayer, but there's so much anger in me. Why is it so hard? I don't know what to do, how to find goodness in me to say it in the right way, or to just keep saying it like this. I don't know.

Yeah, yeah. How can you make it a little more difficult for yourself? More? How are you doing the prayer now? Are you using the whole prayer or are you using the Ram Mantra at the end? Or how is it?

In the morning, I try to do the whole one for half an hour or whatever time I have. And then in the day, I more say the short one because it's a bit difficult to follow with meaning. Like, if I say the short one, then I feel more meaning in it, and if I say the long one, I get lost.

Yes, yes, but I can try to say the long one. It's fine. So, the morning half an hour, which is very beautiful. You said half an hour, not one? Okay, yeah, which is fine too. So, this you're doing with the breath. And then what happens as you pray? You start to feel His light in your heart, or how is it going?

No, there is a lot of negativity. It just feels very weird. I don't know how to explain. The negativity is growing, like some energy in me.

Yeah, yeah. So even in the morning when you're fully focused on this, that is what happens?

Yeah, and then I feel afraid to say it. Like, I'm afraid of the time when the time comes to pray because I feel I'm feeding the wrong thing. It's not always; sometimes it can be like at the end of the half hour, some little space is there.

Yeah, yeah. So just remember that to say His name, to remember Him with that true intention just to remember Him and to be with Him, can never ever, ever be inauspicious. You see? So your mind is scaring you by saying maybe you're doing the wrong thing, what is happening, you see?

And it feels like I'm not able to do it properly. Like, I can't. It's such a mess inside me when I speak it. I don't feel connected, and it's just... yeah, I feel why I can't, why it's so hard. Like, there is frustration.

Yeah. And so there's a deal I made with some of the children in the satsang here that they will not expect results before two years. Okay? And it's okay to say it even if I feel like I'm feeling the frustration or feel whatever. We are not expecting results before two years because we have been egoic for many, many, many lifetimes now. We can't expect it to be like Domino's Pizza where we call God and He has to come that minute, you see? So don't do any of this because, you know why? Because our reports about ourselves are usually very oppressive to ourselves and they're not helping us grow in our light, in our love. So just for two years, just focus on it, do it, and then after two years, if nothing happens, you can sue me or something. You can find a way to get back at me saying what you gave me did not work, it's not effective. But till then, no checking, no saying, 'Why is this coming? Why is this not happening?' You see? And even if you look at since we started in this way, it's only been a few months, a few weeks. So let's just fully commit ourselves and deepen in this.

And there are times where we feel like we can't do anything more than just mechanical. We can't be meaning it fully. As long as we are trying to do the maximum possible and not the minimum possible, then we are fine. If we are offering ourselves in the most way and not in the least way, then we are fine. That is the benchmark you can use. So when you're chanting in the morning, are you being full-hearted as much as possible? When you are doing the shorter prayer during the day, are you being as committed and full-hearted as possible? So my recommendation is that try to do the most difficult sadhana the most difficult way till that becomes next to impossible to do, and then switch to an easier way. So then the mind cannot trick you into saying that, 'Oh, this has to be easier. Why isn't it getting easier?' Because I'm saying keep it difficult.

I gave the example last time, I don't know whether you heard that, even in a job interview we try to put our best foot forward. In every question, we try to answer in the best way possible, you see? So now we are interviewing for a place at His feet, you see? We must always put our best foot forward whatever we can without judging the results too soon, without judging the outcomes too quickly. So, 100% commitment and reliance only on His grace, and no progress report till two years.

I lost you for a moment. I did not hear the last...

Yes, I was saying full commitment but 100% reliance on Him, surrender to Him for the outcomes, for the results. We do whatever is the maximum possible for us to find a place at His feet, to find a place to open our hearts to Him fully. And we are willing to give up all our desires, all our frustrations, all our image, everything for Him. That must be the extent of our surrender. And no oppressing ourselves with saying it's not working, it's not helping, all of that stuff, unless it's been two years.

Okay. It's just sometimes I'm really like, I give up. Like, I don't know how to keep doing it. I just get so frustrated and sometimes for one day or two days I don't say it, or I say just a little bit, and then it's hard to start again. Like, I'm always starting from zero. Always, always.

Yeah, same, same, same, same. All of us are in the same boat. All of us get pulled in. It doesn't matter if for some it may be a few seconds, for some it may be a day. It makes no difference whether it's a few seconds or a day, it's the same, you see? For God, there is no time. So don't judge yourself on that. All of us fall, all of us have to get back up, and all of us start from zero because when we fall, then it feels like being disconnected in the heart, you see? Which is never really true, but it does feel like that, that His presence is not palpable and that can feel like we've gone back to zero. I completely understand that and it happens here also. So we must not worry about that because, like I said, we have to commit, we have to fail, we have to commit again, we have to fail again, you see? But when we say it like that, it can sound very oppressive and sad actually, but it's not. Because when we commit and when we are living in His life, then that is the best gift available in the human condition, even if it is for just one moment. So don't be scared of failing. All of us are going to fail, but we have to just get back up. That builds our patience, it builds our courage, it deepens our faith, it takes away all pride. If you never failed, we would become very proud and complacent.

So I was saying, I don't know if I was saying during a walk or in satsang like this, but I was saying the other day that you see, when we go to sleep, there is really no guarantee about anything. In the waking state, at least I can prod everyone and say He does not leave you. But once you go to sleep, then you could be missing for millions of years. We don't know what happens, which realms we visit, what dreams come, you see, what happens, any of that. So what we have experienced in some way or the other is quite uncontrollable during sleep and dream states. So you may wake up, like I wake up some mornings, and I don't feel like His presence is palpable immediately, you see? And that feeling of disconnection is very uncomfortable. It's like living without oxygen. So immediately I bow down and just, you see, whatever it takes. And that is where the advice to all of you comes from: that don't start your day without His presence. You must return to His presence because we don't know what we've experienced at night and we've come back into this realm apparently, and we must start. We have the opportunity in this waking state to be with Him. You must not waste this from the first moment. So don't worry when the disconnection happens. It can happen to all of us. And many days you may wake up fully like that—full light, full love, full presence. Some days you may feel like you're disconnected in the heart and you want to return like a fish out of water to His light, to His love. So all of us experience this and all of us must not be in any sort of pride and denial about this. So I'm with you, I'm with you fully in this. We are walking this journey together.

Sorry it takes so long, but if I do say the prayer and after that I still feel disconnected—because mostly I feel disconnected and it's like you said, it's very hard to live like this, like very painful—so what to do? Then the frustration comes.

Keep at it. Because if you give up, then you see, then there's no guarantee, there's no entitlement that we can ever have with God. You cannot say, 'I say the prayer five times or 100 times or 500 times and He has to come because of it.' We cannot force Him. We have no power to exert our will over Him, you see? So that is no reason to be frustrated. That just means that there is more work to be done. There is more work to be done. So we cannot... what is frustration? Frustration is a non-fulfillment of an expectation, isn't it? You cannot be frustrated unless an expectation did not get fulfilled, you see? But we have no right to have an expectation with Him. It's all His mercy, it's all His love. We have no entitlement towards that. So when we approach it in that way, then we cannot get frustrated, you see?

So let's take another example which is simpler to understand. Suppose five of you put up your hands and I called four and I didn't call you as the fifth one. That can lead to frustration because there were only five; there's an expectation because I called the other four, why didn't I call the fifth, isn't it? But suppose there were a thousand in satsang and all thousand had their hands up and then you were not picked. You were not picked on, then you can understand you may not be frustrated because you will say, 'Okay, he can't pick on all thousand,' isn't it? So in the same way, why is there no frustration then? Because there's no expectation. In the same way, we must realize that we don't have any entitlement.

Something very beautiful I heard—unfortunately for those who don't speak in Hindi, this was in a Hindi satsang by Hanuman Prasad Poddar Ji—he said that we are very lucky that God is not just. It sounds like a strange thing to say. We are very lucky that He is not just, because if He was just, He would do justice with us. And if He did justice with us, I would have no chance, you see? Which is the opposite of entitlement. Because if God really did justice with us, you see, if He was just, then what chance would any of us have? We would have zero chance. So we are lucky that God is not just; He is merciful and He is loving. Beautiful satsang he shared and he said such a beautiful thing, you see? So trust that He is merciful and He is loving and He knows what is best. But we have no right to be frustrated or entitled to anything, even for that connection, you see? For three years I was frustrated as I was reading 'I Am That.' Three years almost continuously I was frustrated because Maharaj was saying, 'Be with the being, be with the being,' and I couldn't find the being. So, and I was a stupid, naive child and I thought I had the right to be frustrated. So we don't have any rights like that with Him. But I'm telling you that He is the most merciful, He is the most gracious. So trust Him, deepen in your faith for Him, then you can't get frustrated. Because there's another beautiful saying in Hindi that in whichever state Ram keeps us in, we must accept that state.

Continuously I was frustrated because Maharaj was saying, 'Be with the being, be with the being,' and I couldn't find the being. So, I was a stupid, naive child and I thought I had the right to be frustrated. We don't have any rights like that with him, but I'm telling you that he is the most merciful, he is the most gracious. So trust him. Deepen in your faith for him, then you can't get frustrated because there's another beautiful saying in Hindi that in whichever state Ram keeps us in, we must accept that state and be in that state joyfully, willingly, openly. So be careful of this getting frustrated. Just trust. Trust more. Have more faith. I prayed 10,000 times, a million times, and he still doesn't seem to be alive in my heart; the connection doesn't seem to be as deep as some of the others seem to talk about him. But I must trust that that is also his grace. He is showing me something; he's teaching me something. Bless you. Thank you. Welcome. Bless you, bless you, bless you.

Failure in this is never a reason to commit less; it is always a reason to commit more because it's not like you have option two, isn't it? If we went somewhere looking for oxygen and we didn't find it there, it's not that we can say, 'Okay, now I'm going to give up on oxygen.' We have to find it. We have to keep striving for it. We can't say, 'Oh, it's not working for me, I don't know.' You see, we can only say, 'It's not working for me, I don't know whether I'm cut out for this kind of stuff,' if there is an option two, isn't it? You can't really say, 'I'm going to give up on God and just be me.' I mean, if you're really foolish you can, because then to come to God and then to pick 'me' after that would be really foolish. But really, we have no option. We have no choice in the matter because our life is not life without him. So keep at it with full commitment. Don't judge too soon. Don't rush to conclusions. Full lifetime work in progress. It's work in progress. Bless you.

I hope these words are coming with integrity. My heart is feeling to say that he has been so merciful, kind, and gracious with this silly boy here. But I have to say that if I had to give all the gifts that he has given me, if I had to give them away to any of you and to all of you, I would. I don't mind starting from zero if that is his will. If it helps a brother or sister live in his life and I could just hand it over and start again, because looking back I see that even the journey, even the frustrations, even the anger, all of that was full of longing and full of sweetness. So if it is his will, he can give my gifts to all of you, and if I have to start at 0.0 again, I don't mind because I know he is taking care of me. He will not leave me without his love. I bless you all that the same love he has given me, the same mercy, the same grace he has shown me, may that be for all of you. And if that means that this one has to start from scratch again, there's an excitement about that, there's a love about that, there's a joy about that, because even to long for him, I remember, was such grace. I bless you all. I bless you all deeply. Okay, let's go to Samia.

Hi Father. My voice is good? Yes, it's good. Okay. Um, just recently, I'm just so full of, I don't know, I cannot say it's anger or hatred, but like, and I don't want to say my mind doesn't stop because it's just not just mind, you know? I'm also so much with it and just too much reaction towards you, towards this path. Yeah. And it's unending, you know? I'm joining it. Just at times, just sometimes I can be like, 'Oh, this is negativity,' you know, it's just mind. From time to time it comes. But other times I go with it because I don't know, I'm just so much with it also.

Yes, okay. So let's look at this because this seems to be something that recurs every few months, every few weeks. I don't know what is playing actually. So let's dive into it a bit and see what may be happening. So sometimes what happens is that, first I have to say that there are a million rivers that lead to the ocean called God, isn't it? There are a million rivers, and if they lead to the ocean called God, then there is no one river which is better than the other river, you see. So if you feel like your heart connects with a particular path, if it feels that this particular one, the way this one shares satsang or this one shares this thing, doesn't always resonate, then you don't have to worry. I'm in service to God. All of those who are sharing God are only serving him. And if you say that there's a beautiful path where God's presence is so alive, his love is so palpable, and I'm so loving that, 'Father, can you bless me so that I be happy in that?' of course I would bless you and bless any of you with that. So don't feel like there's a conflict in the path.

If you're feeling God's light when you come to satsang, if you feel his presence when you come, then you must come. But if you feel that this expression can be quite irritating, frustrating, silly—all of these things I hear in this expression, I'm fully aware of that—so if any of you feel that it doesn't resonate, in fact, it doesn't bring you closer to God's light, then I'm not going to force you. I'm only going to ask you: Have you found one who is leading you to God with full-hearted love and only with that intention? And if you say yes from your heart, that you have found such a one, full blessings are for that. And my doors are always open. I'm not keeping track, keeping score, saying, 'Okay, you came, then you left, then you came again, then you left.' It doesn't matter. If you are presently available to meet him, I am fully in your service. You see, that availability must be to meet him and not to focus on the 'me' so much. So don't worry. In that way, if you look at this, all the rivers are actually just one river because they're leading to the same ocean. So don't look at it as different paths; they're just different expressions. So you have full freedom to follow that expression which resonates most with your heart. Whatever brings you closer to God, makes you feel more love for him, please do that. Maybe I join you also. I join you also in that and say, if you say for example that you go for a particular gathering which is so full of love and light and everybody is so deeply in love with God, maybe I ask you, 'How can I join?' because I love being in that kind of environment.

But just know that whichever path you're in, whoever is leading you to God is not always going to be kind to the 'me,' is not always going to be kind to the ego, because they have to free you from that attachment, from that notion of 'me.' So in one way or the other, they will find a way to get you to fall more and more in love with God and less and less focused on the 'me,' because both are not possible, you see. And in fact, if you tell me, 'Yes, but you're wrong about this and both are possible and I found a way, I'm going to show you,' I'm happy to learn. But from whatever I have seen in this life, whatever little I have explored, it is not possible to juggle both. God's love... let me mute everyone else. May you say something? You can hear now? You can see now?

Yes, Father. Um, like the last part you shared, I think it's a little bit clearing for me because I have to say that only with Guruji and you I find something which I cannot find anywhere else, and I have no doubt about this. But just this constant resistance towards you, and also what I'm joining with my mind, like your rejection towards the world, let's say. I'm not saying it might be true or not, but for me it's also true because this is how I experience life and this just really drives me crazy. And recently, because of some situation as you know, I'm going crazy. But it was always there, Father, but recently it just became unbearable. And for that reason, to find a solution to that actually, I'm trying to find a solution. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, just this is enough now. A good point that you make, and the point you're making, Samia, because I want to do something in life, like I...

Yes, yes. So the point that you're making is, if you read some of the oldest Upanishads, you see all the teachers who are primarily leaning towards Advaita Vedanta face that resistance because it can feel like it's a denial of the world, you see. Like the 'neti neti,' the path of 'not this, not this, not this,' is a very clear path of negation and looking at the world as unreal to find the real within ourself. So that is something I completely understand where you're coming from. But it is also true that if you say, 'I don't want to be in negation of the world,' then I always also said that, okay, then you embrace everything in the world also like God. You see, remember the time we used to do the exercise? We used to say, 'Okay, let's not do "not this" today.' Actually, I'm saying it after a long time, I'm remembering. Let's not say 'not this' today; let's say 'I am this' and also see. I am this, I'm also this body, I'm also the feeling, I'm also the thought, I'm also the space in this room, I'm also my brothers and sisters in front of me, I'm also the carpet, I'm also... so also come to the point where you cannot include anything more, you see.

And your experience will be exactly the same as you experience when you do the 'neti neti.' Because what may seem like a rejection of the world as you say, 'I'm not this, I'm not this, I am aware of this but I'm not this, I am aware of this but I'm not this,' the point that you come to there may sound like a full negation to the mind, but anybody who has met this inside will realize that there is no separation left at that point. There is a sheer oneness, a sheer embracing of everything in God's love. So whether you include, include, include or you negate, negate, negate, you will come to the same point. You choose whatever resonates with you the most. You want to include? Then don't leave a mosquito, don't leave a cockroach out of it. Include everything, because you can't do halfway in either. If you do halfway 'not this, not this, not this,' then you're just going to become an intellectual policeman. If you do halfway 'love, love, love,' then you'll just become one of those people who talk about love but don't really love. So either way you go, you go 100%. You want to accept the world, you want to love the world? Love it fully. Then don't make any boundary to your love. See God in everything and you will come to the same point.

You want to follow the path of negation, 'neti neti'? Then you reject everything till you come to God. But don't do half this, half that. Don't go halfway in either way. Do full, whichever path you follow. And if the Vedantic sages, after the discovery of the reality, after the discovery of the Self, lived in a complete negation of this world, then why did Shankara walk all across his country as a young man? He just walked all across the country spreading the message, bringing all brothers and sisters to this. Why did Nagarjuna, why did Buddha, all of them who teach us negation, why do they share with all of the world? They should say, 'Though there's no world, who should I share with?' you see. But that doesn't happen because what you find is beyond negation and beyond inclusion, and that love becomes so infectious that it's very natural to spread. So your mind is actually tricking you and saying it is this way and it is that way, and see, if you were to look at how this life is unfolding—not that there's anything special about it—but there's family here, my daughter has prom in her school today, I know. See, there is work here; I worked all day today as well. There are meetings that happen. So where is the rejection of life? Where is the rejection of the world?

I know, Father. Um, actually, like because of my example, because of how I see my life, I was thinking that everyone in the satsang is like this. But even when I go to Sahaja, I saw that no, it's not like this. And some speeches of Guruji like also given me that...

There's anything special about it, but there's family here. My daughter has prom in her school today. I know, see, there is work here. I worked all day today as well. There are meetings that happen. So where is the reaction of life? Where is the rejection of the world?

I know, Father. Um, actually, like because of my example, because how I see my life, um, I was thinking that everyone in the satsang is like this. But even when I go to Sahaja, I saw that no, it's not like this. And some speeches of Guruji like also given me that concept and ideas. But when I go there, I saw that no, like things are going normally, beautifully. Um, but like this life here, in so many cases, yes, like transformed, but still some issues like I could not get over. And like you are talking about God now, like this way or this way, but um, I see more like, I don't know if I have some really issues or is it like my trick, but I cannot go over it and again and again I'm here, you know.

Yes. So I want to tell you that at some point you must find someone, whether it is Guruji, whether it is this one, whether it is some other um teachers you're going to. Whoever it is, find someone that you trust at least 50% and then make a determination that I will follow them 100%. That's how your trust will grow. That's how your devotion will grow. You see, it is uh not always available in every life that the instant we meet a master we trust them 100%. You see, if you're lucky that may happen, but sometimes that trust has to develop. And how does that trust develop? You have to follow them 100%. And then after enough time has gone, like I was telling D, wait for two years and then conclude. I feel like because we talk about insight which is instant, we also expect that our life will transform instantly. But we need to give it um time. We need to let our heart flower deeper and deeper, more and more. So don't don't rush. You're still so young. If you were like some 90-year-old woman saying, 'I spent my whole life doing this, I don't know if it's right or I made a mistake,' then that makes sense. You have so much time to make yourself available fully to God. Don't think of your life as being wasted or you not um making enough progress or anything like that. Just keep at it. Keep at it.

Father, um, my focus recently not so much on God. Like I want to do something in life, you know. Not without God, of course, it's not an option, but recently my focus on that.

Yes, but I one question I want for you is: if you were to fully surrender to God, how do you know that your life will become all um uh you know without uh joy, without bliss, without peace, without love?

I already know it's fully with this, but let me ask it another way. The things that you want to do for yourself, you see, by yourself and not just focus on God, those things what—no, it's not, Father. I don't separate them from God. Okay, this this is this is where I feel pressure, like why we separate them? I'm not saying that I want them other than or separate from God. It's not possible for me to have a life without God, you know. But why we have to separate? Like I have to be with God and this these are the like separate things. This this really I don't I I cannot accept this.

Yes, yes, that's a good question. That's a very good question. So it's like saying that if I embrace all of this space and I trust that, you see, then do I have to have one leg in all of that space and one leg on Earth? But this Earth is also included in that space, isn't it? So so what I'm trying to prevent from happening is the mind trick which says, 'But you need to be with God, of course, all the time, but also live for yourself.' Okay, so my question is this: also live for yourself for what? For what purpose? What will that give you?

No, not live for yourself. This this stupid separation, maybe it's just a mind trick. This just drives me crazy. And also pressure from outside, of course. I cannot and strong when when pressure that will be perfect for you that you you're grounded in God but also what also he allows me to move in life too.

Yes, so move in life meaning have a work? Have work? Okay, so you want to have work for what? For work itself or for something else that it will give you? What is it about? What is the work for?

Money is the one thing, but but not just that.

Okay, so if there was work without money, would you still want to work?

No, no. I mean yes, like work for God. I'm I'm happy and I'm doing this.

Okay, but then would you also need some other work for money?

Yes, yes.

So basically we saying that that aspect of it is for money. So now why do you want money? Is it for money itself or because money gets you something?

Both, both.

Okay, what is it for money? What will you do with just the money if it doesn't get you anything?

Now one is that I have to pay my debts. This is one thing um or something to clear your debts.

And what else?

And uh Father, I don't have any money at all and I was always living in that way. Not a pleasant way of living, but as if I was I was supported or I was not so much care, but recently it just doesn't work. It doesn't flow. And like being in the way of truth, I'm lying. I'm continuous lying because of lacking of money and I I don't like it and it's it's not clear.

And are you saying that when you are empty in the head, full of love in the heart, God is guiding you not to work?

I cannot find any work.

No, but is He guiding you not to do work? Who is telling you not to work? I'm saying Guru is saying, some other teacher saying, God is saying? Who is saying don't work?

I'm hearing you sometimes like this.

No, that okay, so then I have to clarify. I have to speak in a different way. Not just you, of course, there are other reasons too, like my body sensitivity. I I cannot work. And I don't have any like any ability to work as well too. Like I I couldn't I couldn't gain any ability for life.

Yes, my child, but I'm just saying that you said that in satsang like this there is too much separation between spirituality and that which is called life, and you want to have a life also and you want to have God also. And a part of that life that you want is the work so that there can be some financial security, all of that. Then the question is that: is that satsang preventing you from working? I said that you must not work? I only said that you must be guided by God. You must move by His will. Inwardly we must be empty and outwardly whatever needs to unfold must unfold. Otherwise my life would be a full hypocrisy, isn't it? If I said to all of you, 'You must stop working,' and myself I'm working all the all the time, then I don't want to be a hypocritical teacher, you see. So then we saying, okay, what is in this satsang or in our form of pointing which is preventing you from work or preventing you from having money?

Um, just thank you so much, Father, for clearing this also for me because really just so much suppression in my mind. It seems like it's not about you at all, but like the reasons why I came to satsang also, which brought me satsang, like my disability, so many like negative energies which I was experiencing. That's why I could not continue my study like this, like all this life situations, you know, which brought me into a state like being able to do nothing in life. And some part of me like really I just wanted to change.

Yes, yes, I understand that. I understand that. So what has happened is that um the difficult times you have endured, and I have full full love and compassion for those for those times, but your mind is finding a scapegoat which is not the right scapegoat. Your mind is saying it is um—and it's natural because the mind is frustrated, it'll find some some center for our anger, for our frustration. And I'm happy to be that if that helps you, but it should not in any way take you away from the value of what is being offered to you in satsang. Because what is being offered to you in satsang is really very important and you must not allow this mind to trick you in this way to make satsang the scapegoat for the difficulties that you have had to unfortunately endure in your life. And no father wishes their child go through any adversity. But uh but satsang is not the one responsible for those things happening. And you know that in your heart. Satsang only tries to help. Satsang only tries to help you come closer to your true light, your true presence in your heart, His presence in your heart.

Just maybe my trust for you and Guruji just was so much that I was expecting this things to change already, you know. And it it already changed a lot but...

Wow, is just talking about you going to looking good, have fun with. I have fun. Keep what also do this in like minutes. Oh yeah, we going for a wedding. So I have to go in five minutes. We have to attend a wedding. Okay, so we'll pick this up on um Monday or Wednesday. Trust His grace, trust His love. Sometimes it's difficult to trust first; that's when it's more important. So the path is very simple but it's not always easy. It'll test our faith. It'll test our lips. We very easily make statements about being fully surrendered to God, fully surrendered to Guru, but life does those things. It it crushes us in many ways. But but remember that only the false get squeezed. Only the false gets pushed. And it's very important for that process to happen. It's not fun while it's happening, of course, and you have all my love and blessings that in His grace He make it smooth and beautiful for all of you. But more than that, I have to trust that He knows best what is needed for all of us. So God bless you all. Love you all. The rest of the hands we'll look at uh on Monday. If you remind me that I said that uh we look at some of the online questions and we'll do that on Monday.