Full Strength Arising Out of Full Innocence - 2nd February 2026

So same here. So in the last so many years, I've maybe had ten of these situations, you see. But then the mind keeps using those situations as if we are constantly in them. So but in a way, God's grace takes care and I realized that most of those who are not interested in this, God doesn't send my way anyway. Like a lot of the old friends don't call, I don't call them, so it naturally is taken care of in some way.

It's tough. It's very tough. Parents is very tough.

Yes. Even with seemingly spiritual parents, it's not that easy. So I can imagine how tough it is. If a parent is an atheist and not interested—like a lot of atheists are, somehow I find, maybe I'm defending the past atheist that was here, somehow I find many of them are interested in the big question. But if they're not interested in the big questions also, then it's tough because I have to keep taking God's name and go through it because it's such a special relationship. If it's such a close relationship, God's grace takes care and you never know. Like I remember talking about a set of parents who can, as they get older, face their mortality, face their impending life situation, then somehow openness may also happen. You don't know.

Like I remember one time really having a very nice conversation about this with my mother-in-law and we really spoke about these things. Next time I met her, it was like that conversation was fully forgotten. But I just feel like at least that one time we really spoke. Even with my son, I remember once we were walking on the terrace. Yeah, very nice open conversation about the nature of reality, what we take to be real, what is unreal, all of these things. So, it was nice. After that, he doesn't want to talk to me about that. But he loved that conversation, he said that day. So, we just have to allow grace some room to flow and see. But we can't expect.

Now, these situations also happen in our life to keep us strongly rooted in God's love and light. You see, what are we practicing? So we are practicing fifty-one weeks in the year how to live in God. You see, now that one week in a year if that comes and just shakes us out of that fifty-one weeks' practice, then that is a good thing to see for ourselves also. So our attempt should be to not leave that place, not get into irritation, anger. It's a test of compassion, a test of forgiveness, a test of kindness, and a test of openness also because how can we hear something which sounds like a criticism, you see, and see, 'Okay, now is there anything useful in this truly?' And then if not, throw it out. Take it to the heart, check it in the heart, throw it out, you see.

Like Shabri tasting the ber that she is going to offer to Lord Ram. 'Is this bitter or is this sweet?' So we receive from the world. We take it to God and we allow God to respond. Most times in the heart, the heart can just guide you to discard, to discard, discard. So to accept the feedback part of that which sounds like criticism, not as the truth but as to take as something to contemplate, is very tough because these relationships have a lifetime of conditioning involved in them. You see, so when we fear it, then to just openly take it to God and say, 'This is what life is telling me at the moment. What should I do with this? What should I do with this?'

And you find that when we don't get into that same trap of going to the same place where the origin of that conversation is happening, then we don't get into the trap of falling into the same place where the origination of that conversation is happening. So suppose a parent is being critical from the place of conditioning, from the place of the mind, then Maya tries to use that to make us fall into the same groove, you see. But you're not that same child anymore, you see, but it tries to bring you back into that same groove. So it's almost like neural pathways. So these old neural pathways are dying and new ones which are turning us towards God are being created. Now every time you activate an old neural pathway, then that becomes alive again. So these situations are when Maya plays those tricks to get us back into reigniting that old condition and making that alive. You see, so this is fertile opportunity for Maya. But we must go through that situation with as much strength in God's light as possible to hold on to God's name, to really not get into the old conditions and grooves, you know.

Sometimes there is a kind of a shyness, like I'm shy, I feel, to really be how I naturally am because those people have not seen me like that. And I feel like that shyness forces me back in those grooves because that seems more comfortable to them and me at that time.

Yeah, I can relate to this. I can relate to this. I feel like some condition here also is that of a conformist. So something conforms to or adapts to that situation. But as I'm getting older, I feel like I'm able to just remain in this more and more.

Like there's an element of pleasing. Exactly. Like this one, you know it.

Yes, you conform so that you don't upset them, you please them, you don't trouble them in some way. But you know what happened is that in a similar situation, I've seen that my best friend becomes silent. And then when things are all explosive around me, then if you are able to remain silent mostly, then after a while everybody says, 'Oh, you're really different now. You really changed.' You see, I noticed that silence can be very—because people are unable to remain in silence when there's activation all around. You see, and then one is able to just be in shanti, unperturbed. You see, then somewhere maybe initially everyone gets irritated and says, 'Why aren't you saying something? Do something!' That kind of tries to pull you in. But if you hold your ground, you see, then after a while everybody's like, 'You really—there's something, you see, there's something about you.' So that happened, but this—I'm almost fifty-one now. So yeah, it takes time, takes time.

So when you find yourself falling into that trap or something seems too—like you have to respond in anger, try and stay in silence for some time. The ego energy needs that, you know, needs to be met. If it's unmet, then it doesn't know where to—like after a while it just settles. It just—and after a while it just runs out. This is the best thing in our life: that Maya gets tired. God doesn't. So we just have to hold on to that patience as much as possible because Maya has limited energy. God doesn't.

I feel like I can really see that excitable energy snaps me out each time. It doesn't have to be in a very difficult situation. It can be in a very loving atmosphere also. It can be like in my sadhana. It can be in my own satsang where I feel so much love and, you know, everybody looks so sweet to me that I can somewhere like go into that, and you know what I'm saying.

Yes. Yeah. I can relate to that completely. It's like excitement is so harmful, like somewhere.

Yeah. Exactly. Yes.

It's not only in negative-seeming emotion. You can also be in fun. You see, it's not like fun—so you have to just—you can be, you can have fun with your kids, but fun is nice, but when we become—like we become just fully out of it and the mind then—so sweetness, like sweet fun, sweetness, sweet laughter where everybody's having a joyous time together, that is beautiful. There's no trouble in that, you see. So, but when it becomes just mental, when it just becomes about we losing really the hold of our heart and it's just becoming—see, this is becoming like high school or something, that can be trouble.

Father, so we can say that that excitement which is, or that fun which is devoid of sweetness—because I really connect to that, like I feel can that be a marker? Like we can know that happiness which lacks that?

Because that sweetness comes in the heart only. You can't taste it in the head at all. No. Absolutely. There's a lot of space for good-natured humor. There's a lot of space for joyous conversation, you see, and in those moments it is—the presence can still be felt, you see. God's presence can still be felt even though the words may not be just 'God, God, God,' you see, but you can sense that God is not displeased by it. So that is the key: that truly as we are sharing time together, then is that time spent in that sweet, good-humored, good-natured, joyous way? Not always. There are times for serious conversation.

Good-natured humor—there's a lot of space for joyous conversation, you see. And in those moments, the presence can still be felt. God's presence can still be felt even though the words may not be just 'God, God, God,' you see, but you can sense that God is not displeased by it. So that is the key. Truly, as we are sharing time together, then is that time spent in those sweet, good-humored, good-natured, joyous ways? Not always. There are times for serious conversation. There's time for joy to unfold. But the real feel is the texture—the texture of the room, the texture of your heart, you see. So if you're not able to sense the texture at all, then we've gone too far. You see, but if we are just... you can feel like God is with you and He's also part of the laughter and He's part of the fun. You see, Krishna had a lot of fun throughout his life. So, we need to constantly remind ourselves to check in and see: Have I gone too far into the head in the guise of fun? But if you can feel that He's with you and everybody's having a nice joyous time, then nothing wrong with that.

No, Father, I feel like when I have been around like places of pedestal in any way, then I feel like there's a kind of a complacency the mind brings for checking. Like, it kind of wants to just go with the flow and it's very advanced at doing that. I don't know, for a lack of a better word, it's very good at that. I am too foolish. Then I feel I'm not able to go to God in that way. I've noticed that, and I've also noticed after maybe a whole day of sharing at a retreat, that kind of sweetness is there. It's retained in the heart and that's very different. But that other part is also there. I don't know why I'm sharing this.

No, it's very good. It's very good. Just also, we have to just get a feel for the room. So if you feel that in our humor somebody is really getting hurt in the heart or somebody's really getting... you know, that you... like, I have made this mistake many times. So I may feel like it's good-natured fun. In fact, it happened with you when you came first, you know, and I was like just teasing her about something and she was fine going along with the jokes and we were all laughing together. Then one minute she just started crying and then I said, 'No, no, my child, I would never want to hurt your heart.' You know, it's not... that was not the thing. So as I'm also learning from my mistakes, but you just have to make sure that you know, we're seeing that what is seeming like good-natured to us is not necessarily good-natured to everyone. So we just have to be a little vigilant to that, but we learn through these things.

What I felt like what I meant was like many times nobody really wants to go to the heart around you in that moment. You can sense that everybody just wants to have fun basically.

Then probably...

And then you get like swayed in that.

On those lines, I would say... I don't know why I'm sharing this if I'm...

It's very, very good. It's very important. So as we mature in this process, we see that constantly, every few minutes, we're just checking in and seeing. And I know that through these experiments I've seen that God loves laughter. God loves when a group of children—all of us gather together—His children gather together and we, in our companionship, in our brotherhood, sisterhood, we are enjoying each other's company. He loves that. There's no problem in that, you see. But you're right that Maya has a propensity to take that too far and make it personal, and then you see, we don't know when we've gone too far. So just keep checking on that as much as possible. You see, but no, Sana, no real lovers of God are known to have lived a very morose sort of life. Full of laughter. I was listening to one of... we were listening to one of Baiji's satsangs and how much he laughed in that satsang just talking about things. Yeah. Little closer.

Um, yes. Coming to criticism, or especially about my spiritual path, I became then heat coming up, maybe passionate about, and it was more the ego: 'I'm right, look, this is the way.' And now, when it comes to an argument, I don't give it so much go. I don't go in this heat or to the ego because I want to stay in the heart. But somehow, no anger comes anymore, but a deep disappointment. Also a disappointment about myself, that I'm not able to talk or to explain better from the heart, or that others are disappointed about me and I am disappointed. And then I don't talk anymore, but I retire. Maybe I say, 'Stay with God, give it to God, don't talk,' but then still it takes too much time. It goes even in sadness and, yes, and then I don't talk anymore about it and I feel that also I'm not in the heart.

Thank you. Thank you for asking that, and this may help all the previous questions we had also. So I heard Hanuman Prasad Poddar Ji talk about this, and he used some language which is a bit 100 years ago. So I'll try to make it more modern in some way. So he said that the most faithful husband is that one who only sees his wife everywhere. You see, there only his wife exists for him. See, he's the most faithful husband. So then how does that apply in our case? We only see God. We only see God. We're only interested in God. We only want relationship with God. God, God, God. Then he said that almost at that level is that husband who has relations, but those are because of his wife. So the wife's uncle becomes his uncle; his brother becomes his brother. You see, but the relationship with the another is because of the relationship with the wife. Are you able to follow?

Okay.

I'll share some more. So, how does that apply in our case? That my relationship with you is because both of us are interested in God. If that God was not there, then there's no interest on either side to have a relationship. You see, so that's how we have to deal with the world. Now what has happened, he said, is that we have tried to build a strong relationship with God, but we've also tried to build relationships with many other things: with money, with people, with all kinds of things, with the body, with all kinds of things, you see. And that is what makes our spirituality go helter-skelter, you see, because there's God on one side, then there's worldly people you have to please, and then people that you have to make happy, then people that you are forced to talk to, engage with, then there's things like money. So all of these things, we have relationships with them. Now if we make God central, you see, and then either only God, God, God and allow God to move in every relationship, or if we say that 'I have a relationship with you, but that relationship is built on the foundation of love for God, and without that there is nothing in this relationship,' you see, so then that sort of becomes the thread about everything that we've talked about today—how to deal with people, how to deal with old conditions, you see. So we can make it more and more clear to them that now we are married to God. That is our number one relationship. I'm willing to have a relationship with you if you are interested in my husband. Are we willing to take that call, or does that sound too radical?

Can I ask something there? The other being interested in God... you're saying like it's something that has to be explicit?

Or not. Or maybe there's an openness and innocence in that relationship. Not necessarily you are speaking about God in words. As long as there's a substratum of God—like love for God is the substratum—from our side, and from the other side at least there's the slightest openness to that, you see. Kierkegaard said love is not love unless it involves God. So that's very explicit. Now we don't have to say, 'Oh, we can't be friends because you're not interested in God. We can't be friends unless we're interested in God.' I mean, in some situations, maybe we do have to say, but in every situation, we don't have to say that. But if you find yourself having to conform to another's expectations because they are worldly, and finding yourself having to dance to the tunes of worldliness because you want to be friends with them, then that is no longer a healthy way for us to be. You see, this is no longer a healthy way for us to be because we are reactivating the old grooves of conditioning which bring us back into those traps. You see, so if you tell me, 'Ananta, you can only be friends with me if, just for now, we're only interested in shopping, we're not interested in God for now,' then I say to you, 'No, then that is not something that my heart dances to anymore. I don't swing to that beat anymore.' So, and that can be tough. You see, that can be tough because we also want something from them. If we did not want anything from them, then that would not be so tough. You see, it is tough to have that communication openly and say that 'This is my life.' You see, now imagine it on the other side. The other friend, if they picked up a new hobby which became central to their life—you see, like collecting wine, for example, like many people get into this kind of stuff—so collecting wine becomes the number one thing in their life. They want to have the space to talk about it with you. You see, they want to say, 'Oh, I got this,' and you're just nodding saying, 'Okay,' and you're trying to participate and make them feel good about that. But how come then, when we have this number one love in our lives now for God, then we are expected to keep shut about it? See? So then is that a relationship worth having where the other side is not willing to at all be open to your passion? But they expect openness about this, and collectively in society it's become a taboo to talk about God. Like you can't go to an evening cocktail party and start talking about God. But you can talk about everything else, you see, but we can't talk about God. So this is like a Maya's sway on things. It's like God has been relegated to rooms like this where satsang is permitted, and everything else, let's talk about worldly things. You see, so now we have to break out of that mode. If there is someone who will judge you on the basis of your relationship with God, you see, then you have to be open with them and say, 'It is... you judge me all you want, but this is my main relationship in life now,' you see, and make them also feel that if they want you in their lives, they have to adapt a bit. It cannot just be that we have to hide our light. We have to hide our love. We have to hide, hide, hide in order to meet their acceptance of how we should be.

Yeah. Isn't it funny that we talked about friend, one specific friend, then we talked about old friend, then we talked about parent, then we talked about maybe family—I'm not sure—but friends or family or people you know, and we're talking about again very close relationships in this way.

So this is the strangeness of this, no? Like if Mom had picked up stamp collecting as her favorite hobby, no, then and that became passionate because she got stamps from the erstwhile USSR and she's got stamps from all kinds of... and she's excited about showing them to you. Then as good children, we're supposed to hear them. But if as children we want to talk about God to our parents, we are a bit like self-conscious and they're not interested in... like that's like a taboo topic. So it's become very convoluted. Now one of the regrets of my life is that my father left his body and I never really talked to him properly about God.

You tried?

I tried a few times, but it was... I could have tried much more. You see, I could have, yeah, like, I don't know, forced it. Forced it much more.

Can I give an example? Like, I keep sending... he loves almost... and so that day I went and he said it was a 10-minute video and then he said half, and I said, 'But you're watching cricket,' you know, like just said, 'But that interests me,' and he just doesn't want like...

He's very tough.

I never really talked to him properly about God.

You tried?

I tried a few times but I could have tried much more. You see, I could have, yeah, like I don't know, forced it like forced it much more. Can I give an example? Like I keep sending—he loves almost—and so that day I went and he said it was a 10-minute video and then he said half, and I said, "But you're watching cricket." You know, I just said, "But that interests me," and he just doesn't want, like, he's very tough.

If my father used to keep saying, "It's too deep for me," I said, "It's very simple actually, give it a chance." You're trying to push them to give it a chance. Now, impossible. See, either they are wrong about the stakes or we are wrong about the stakes. Like, what's at stake? What is what's at stake in this? Either we are completely foolish and wrong about it or the world is completely foolish and wrong about it. Like that. And we have to trust the words of the sages. All the sages have told us that this is a very rare opportunity that all of us have to find God. And because it is consistent across traditions, religions, all the greatest sages, then we have to give value to that, you see. And then if we were wrong about it, then God will one day tell us, "Why did you listen to Kabir Ji and why did you listen to St. Theresa?" All of that. Then I'm willing to accept that I was wrong. But I heard these ones which I really revere. No? So given that all the sages have told us this, I feel like we must not cower down to Maya and say, "No, I will conform to your ideas of what I should be like," but you will not make one millimeter of space to hear about what is the most important thing in my life.

Yes.

Yeah. I'll repeat this part also. Like what has happened to us in so-called society is that to fit in, we have to really put this mask on completely of being the old same old, same old, or whatever that mask is. But society or the people that even claim to love us a lot cannot open themselves one millimeter also to meet what this is. And this is not—I'm not pointing this to them personally—I'm saying this is how Maya works. You see? But given that we feel that we have access to the nectar of immortality, Amrit, in some way, it's like everybody has got the plague. Sorry, I'm using a strong example, but everybody has the plague and we have the injection which can heal them. Then as the ones who have the injection, do we have full faith that they have the plague and we have the injection? And if that is the case, are we living with that? Like with my father, I did not live like that.

I am also like, I say, very open. I don't shy away. I tell them death is coming for you very soon. Then obviously nobody in the world wants to talk about—I have a charger which will not—

Exactly. Yeah, it's very good. No, I firstly I want to say I admire your courage to be able to do that. That is very beautiful that you're able to.

I've got them here. I meet them here. But it's like the more I tell them, the more they're—

Is it true that it's a zombie life without God's light? Yes. How do we push? So, then if we've been true to our heart and when the heart has prodded us and said, "See..." Like what has happened here is that I get relatives and people visiting me and now it's clear in my heart that I must try and open a door. Like last time these little younger cousins of Gimma came and they also—little younger means 40 now, so in their 40s. So I just sat them down and I said, "Listen, I know we're having a good time, but I'm going to take 5 minutes of your time. We all getting older." Similar to what you said, we all getting older. Is it only going to be about money and fun and relationships and all of these kind of entertainment and where we travel, or is there something which is beyond this life also? They said, because they're little younger than me and I have this gray beard, so they sort of nodded and said, "Yeah, it's very important. Thank you. Thank you for sharing."

Yeah, I know. I know. I can imagine. I can imagine.

See, but we—like I feel like if my father was still in the body, I would have knocked a few more times. That's all I'm saying. I would have knocked a few more times. If that knock is not answered then what can we really do? Maya is strong. So but as long as we feel that we try to shine the light on what is most important. So change the framing. So if it was a disease and you're convinced you made the scientific breakthrough to fix that disease, you would have forced it a bit more. So it's a question of our framing also, our faith also, in the sense that do we really feel like this human life is a rare opportunity to find God? It's not that what you're saying but it's not. So as we deepen in our own faith then a sort like this will also grow in us. Like it's been 2 years now since my father passed. I feel my faith has deepened since that point and now I'm a little stronger in my sharing of that. I was too meek in my conditioning about this and it's also to do with, I feel it's cultural also. As Indian children we are taught not to talk back to our parents. We are taught that they are always right. We are taught all these things. So it's very difficult, you see. So our culture is more like the East than the West. Not that it's easy in the West but—

Sorry Father, the one who has the mic twins. Yeah, right here. Father, but isn't it true that you know in a way like the message of God is there? It's there. It's in the air. It's in—if you close your eyes for a minute, you know, everybody knows. Anybody who finds peace watching a beautiful sunset knows. So my feeling is that when you speak to people about God, especially if you have a personal relationship with them, it's actually resented. However you may package it, it's resented and the closer the relationship, the more it's resented. But it's not that that person—because the message is not only through you. So that's one thing and the other thing I've kind of felt like all trial and error with this, the same what we're talking about, you know, our relationships with people who are not on the path, is that I found that, you know, previously I used to feel in some way that I'm special, that I'm here, and then in the sharing it was even double trouble. But now I have found a very nice place which I feel comfortable with is that I feel like the difference between me and or us and those who are not on this path, I feel now and I really believe it, it's not just I feel, they're very brave. They are managing without God, you know? And I feel like, you know, fantastic. How are you managing? Me, I cannot. And I say this now when they say, "What you?" I said, "Listen, I'm a wimp. I need to hold God's hand day in day out, breath in, breath out. You do what you like. You all are very brave, you know," and I believe it. I somehow started really believing this feeling, you know.

Father, I appreciate where you're coming from, but I just feel like having been there, having been an atheist myself, I just feel like either it's like super bravery, which I actually doubt. I feel it's more like the ostrich thing. Just put your head in the sand and pretend there's no storm. There's just like, like she said, death is not coming. Let's pretend death is not coming. Let's pretend we don't know who we are. Let's pretend we don't know what the purpose of life is. Let's all just be in a herd and just everybody's doing it, so let's do it. So, I don't feel it is as much about bravery as it is about conforming, following the norm, about really not looking deeply at what life is. You see, all these things are there. But what I'm saying is that if we have realized the difference between the zombie life that we had and the life that we have now and can have more and more in God's life, and we feel like that difference is between death and life itself, then why would I fear as somebody who has the inoculation, vaccination, whatever you want to call it, the injection? Why would that doctor fear being resented when they can save a life?

Sometimes I think everybody here kind of knows that it isn't their life.

I'm not saying we kidnap them and inject them. I'm just saying that we offer, we offer the injection. I know. I know. Exactly. That's all. Next, everybody's carrying. This is my friend. Let's inject. I don't want this friend to die. You know, so let them come find eternal life and such. Like what you saying, the husband has to be. So if Kabir Ji is right, Rahim Ji is right, that our relationship which we claim to be made of love is love only if it involves God. You see, either they are not right—let's figure out how they may be wrong. Like we can love without God. That is saying that we accept the zombiness and we allow our brother and sister to live in that zombiness without attempting to bring them to life. I know I'm sounding like some evangelist preacher today, but really I feel it's good to have this conversation because I feel many times it's about our fear, our wanting to not be ostracized, resented, our not wanting to face the judgment as a weirdo. You see, just give the mic to Claudia.

100% of that's good. Then if you see that it's 100% that, then we can work on that.

It's my fear.

Exactly. We can look at God one day and say, "You know, we tried, tried to just..." As you said, Father, I've lived in that world and if the ISKCON folks walked up to me on a college campus and they all look like nice human beings to me, I never had a problem with them as persons, but I thought they were crazy. Exactly. Then the evangelists in the US would come. I thought they were nice human beings but they've lost the plot. And now reflecting on why that was so, because I don't think I was in some kind of negative trip or I have figured life out. I think I would have admitted that I'm struggling. And I had lots of friends like me who have been seeking—read this book, read that book. Everybody's exchanging, you know, ways to get through life. But I think after some time, what happens is since you don't hit that bullseye, which is like finding a Satsang like this, everything seems like an article in a Vogue magazine. Seven ways to make a better relationship, 10 ways to reduce weight in 65 days, and you know none of them work. So then after a while you're just jaded. It's like everybody who says is saying some Kool-Aid, you know. So you kind of become numb is my experience and I can say for some of my friends who I know dearly. And today what I'm noticing is that somebody who is sensitive and curious, when they notice a change in you, that is the strongest driver of this interest. Like I can only speak from experience, like my daughter, I told you she was raised atheist and everything and I was actually hiding Satsang from her because I've given her all the atheist speeches whole life, right? But then she was like, "Hey, there's something up with you, you know, I want to come and check this."

Where are you going twice a week?

Yeah, but why, right? So I asked her why. I said, "No, I see some change, so I'm curious what that agent of change is." And few other friends also have—

She's such a light already. Imagine if you were that fearful of how she would judge you that you didn't tell her still. Imagine that. You see, many of us will do that. And then my parents, my brothers, they've all come here and every time they are here, they come here. So, I think the most powerful is like when they see something and they have to be curious. Both conditions I feel.

I'm curious what that agent of change is. So, and a few other friends also have—she's such a light already. Imagine if you were that fearful of how she would judge you that you didn't tell her still. Imagine that. You see, many of us will do that. And then my parents, my brothers, they've all come here, and every time they are here, they come here. So, I think the most powerful is like when they see something and they have to be curious. Both conditions, I feel. My brother actually told me when he came that day—I don't know whether he was close or he said to everyone—he said he'll be coming a lot.

Yeah. Then Maya plays; it doesn't happen.

No, no, no. So his Maya is he finishes his surgeries by 7:30. So, for example, you know, like all our friends are sharing about what conversations happen. I drove with him to Pondicherry, seven, eight and a half hours. It was a four-hour, four-and-a-half-hour journey. Eight and a half hours went by and we were just talking about God.

Beautiful.

Give or take, you know, like 90%. So yeah, and I've realized that for him, that service of saving lives is just ecstasy, and when he's free, he's back into this, you know, inquiry and everything; that's all we talk about. In fact, our former wives were most annoyed by that talk. 'What's wrong with these guys?' So, that's another craziness. We just have to accept that the world will take us to be wrong.

Claudia has been asking for a long time. Everybody's so animated in this Satsang because this is something everybody faces. You see, but I feel the crux of it is: do we feel like it is death and life? And that's a question for me also, like why am I not on the streets talking to people? Why am I not just one crazy, like he said, like one of those crazy ISKCON people or crazy evangelist types on the street? In fact, when I went to America, I wanted to talk to many of them and say, 'How do you do it? What is your life like?' Because I just feel like I'm feeling so much that I was in that dead space and this brought me to life. Why would I not want to gift it to all my brothers and sisters?

It's so—J.R.R. Tolkien was a deeply faithful man, faithful to God, a Christian man, and C.S. Lewis was, by the time they first met, he was an atheist. He had had some experiences which put him off God. But in his conversation with Tolkien, he came back to God and then he's written some of the most important books on Christianity. He also wrote the Narnia series, which really saved my childhood because when my mother was having her health issues, mental health issues, if I did not have the Narnia books, I would have really struggled a lot. So, how light spreads—light spreads in this way. Finally, it's back to you.

I will try on the mic because a strong heartbeat is coming up. Last time it was George, and George Stabilini. This was—

What was the George thing? I forgot now.

George is the man.

Yes, the love of your life.

No. No. What was it? What was George? It was God also, compared to God. The young boy coming into the bus. Yes. And you said look at him as God. You can't know how he will give back or look back; it's not up to you. But now it was you, and now you came with this husband. There, really, it's going so profound because it is the best metaphor for me, because my husband married me against all the family and it was exactly like described by him, and same was also for me because my parents also were not so confident in that marriage. And why, at this point, I had also some years coming back. So I experienced in life this love coming. First of all, why now, especially that my husband is not here anymore? Why can't I be like that as I was in life and as I experienced it with God?

Yes. It should be easy, evidently.

Exactly. The example is there and I guess now we came also to this fear. It is fear coming up. And why then am I disappointed and I don't go to the point, maybe, or I don't say it's only with God? Because it's fear of loneliness or of staying alone. This is—and I have to overcome that because I know that God will take care of me and He took also care of my husband. And he died lonely in a hotel room in Brazil, and so if he did it, I can, if it is meant for me too also. But there's a fear that keeps me away to say what I said always in my love; it's always my husband, or he said always my wife.

Very good. Yes. So, may you have that same strength with God like you stood up to your parents, you stood up to society and said, 'He is the love of my life.' May we all have that courage with God now to be able to say, 'He is the love of our lives, She is the love of our life.' That is also why you said pray to Hanuman Ji, and I feel to do the prayers to Hanuman Ji because he is that example of strength and of being most devoted to God.

Full strength arising out of full innocence. You see, how did Hanuman Ji—Hanuman Ji did not try to become like the world's strongest man or something, like 'Let me try and lift up mountains and become...' No. It is just somebody told him that if you take God's name, if you remember God, then there are no limits to your life; there's no limit to anything. Like Jesus told his disciples, 'If you had a mustard seed worth of faith, you would move mountains.' So Hanuman Ji took that to heart. You see, so he did not allow his mind to come in the way.

This was also my nature. I feel also this innocence. But something was brought up, some fears, that see, I can't overcome that.

Now, do I have that faith? I don't have it. So if somebody said to me, 'See that hill over there? Just say Ram and you can go and move that hill,' do I have that faith? I don't have it. So I don't have that mustard seed worth of faith yet. But we are all trying to grow in that. You're all trying to grow in that because we have so many conditions, which are these self-limiting ideas about what the world is, how it operates, what can happen, what can't happen, about time being linear, about space being this way. We have all these ideas.

But God, who is beyond all of these constraints and paradigms, He lives in our heart. If we just allow Him to own what we take to be ourselves, if we belong only to Him, then all these things which seem so challenging and difficult—again, I'm not saying from a place of having done that. I'm just saying that this is the current attempt to grow in that faith where we lose our sheepishness about our love for God. We lose our sheepishness about what a difference He has made in our lives. You see, and may we all grow in that faith together.

Maybe the disappointment comes because I think I should have this faith and the 'why' question, 'Why don't I?'

No, it comes only by—you see, faith grows by doing. Like when God gives you an opportunity to jump, you see, to jump, then we learn that in faith I can jump. You see, then if you evaluate and say, 'Do I have the faith? Can I jump?' then it doesn't happen. If you jump, take a small jump, then you've grown in faith. Then take a little bigger jump, then you've grown in faith. You take the courage to talk to five of your friends. Like Carmen did the Heart Temple movement because I prodded in Satsang that day. Spoke to 30 people who came from his building. Now, I don't know how many of them will truly turn to God, but at least they sat for one hour and remembered God. That is bound to help. So these small, small things help us grow faith.

Yes. I pray also for that. God, give me the chance, give me the occasion to show my courage, to show my love for You. But—

He gives us a lot of those chances. He gives us—

But I feel nothing is coming.

No, you just come with me or D. We'll go down the street. Let's talk to five people.

It's not a chance.

No, no, this I do. Very good. Very good. I see. Actually, I know you do some of that. I know that you do. You met some of my friends in your Hyderabad place. Friends from a former life. You spoke to them. I know that. That's good. That's good. I feel that we are just very fearful at the moment. All of us, including myself first. It is very fearful. We don't want to face rejection. Talk to people, and we know that if I talk to 100 people, 99 may say, 'No, I'm not interested in God,' you see. I feel it's all made up, or whatever they may say. 'Oh, but I already—' many will say, 'Already I am, I'm good, thanks, I'm good,' you see, like that. But there's that one whose life may change, and that one may become the next great teacher. How do you know? That one may bring millions to God. We don't know, like C.S. Lewis with his books.

I feel like—can I just say something before that? You see, so if we can all say that we are following our heart completely when it comes to our relationships, when it comes to God, if we can all, hand to heart, say, 'I am doing whatever my heart is telling me with my relationships when it comes to sharing about my relationship with God and what their relationship with God should be,' no problem. I'm not saying force it. I'm not saying break the door down. But are we following our heart about what we should be sharing with them? What the construct of our relationship now with them should be? And if you're not, and if you're being fearful, which is mind, you see, we are being caught in Maya, then we are not on the right path, then we're not on the right track. I don't know how much I can—that's where I feel like it's a very twisted way of conforming to still, like it's conversational.

Yeah.

But I'm scared to show myself to my parents, like how I—I'm very afraid to be a new one that I have. I have to kind of come—

Now, suppose if Tukaram Ji, any of them—he just came to mind first—or Kabir Ji said, 'I'm a bit afraid.' Okay. Now, the beauty of the sages is that we must remember that they went through the same things and somewhere they deepened in their love and faith and courage so much that they transcended those fears. Which sage has not faced opposition? Tukaram Ji's wife was always at him. So, there'll always be opposition, you see. But if we just conform to that opposition, if you just become fearful, you see, and we just make spirituality like a self-help thing, then we're not really spreading the light. In your case, you're very courageous that you're doing it at such a young age. You're sharing with so many. It's beautiful. So, and sometimes it is the closest to us which are the most difficult.

It's like I have a fear. What if they see me like this? You know, what if they see?

Okay. So, what if? All of us have this fear that what if, what will happen? They will say what? 'We don't want you as a daughter anymore'?

They can't. You're now an adult. They can't put you anywhere.

No, I know. Exactly.

And it's also like a fear of disconnection.

Yes. Yes. But if they are willing to break a relationship with us because we have gone to God, you see, what a weird thing to break a relationship about, firstly. But if they are willing to break a relationship with us because we have gone to God, then why are we forcing a relationship with them?

Because, Father, I feel they are very old and I don't want to trouble them, trouble them so much in my life. I'm just—

Yes, okay, very good. So you're saying that—because I'm repeating—because you don't have the mind that you said, because you don't want to trouble them, they're very old. What if in your troubling them, they got one glimpse of God or they said God's name one time with faith?

My mom does.

Yeah. No. Okay. So, let's say that that just for one moment something got through. It would still be worth it for that moment, isn't it? Because in any case, what it seemed like is going is not going in that way at all.

So you are saying that because you don't have the mind, you don't want to trouble them because they're very old. What if, in your troubling them, they got one glimpse of God or they said God's name one time with faith?

My mom does. No. Okay. So, let's say that for one moment something got through.

It would still be worth it for that moment, isn't it? Because in any case, what it seemed like is going is not going in that way at all. So really the question is: do we really feel it is the difference between death and life?

You know, Father, I really want to... I'm finding it like indirect, but I just want to be able to tell him, 'Come with me, Papa.' I just want to tell him, 'Just tell him, even if you don't understand anything, just come around with me. Even being there is enough for you.' Somehow I feel like they're just going.

And I'm saying that it's easier than that. You just have to follow your heart moment to moment without giving into fear. I'm not saying—please don't get me wrong—I'm not saying to anyone, 'Become a mind evangelist.' I'm just saying that it seems like today's conversation is a unique one we are having in satsang today, where the whole conversation is about how we allow our heart to get clouded by our mind around our special relationships. So we must break out of that more. And this lesson is as much for me as it is for all of us: how do we get the courage, have the faith, and most importantly, see the distinction in our own life between how we were and how we are? Why would we not give everyone that chance?

Use the mind. It's off. It's off. It's off.

I'll just add in from what Narin said, right? That was like he had a bullseye. He said, and I'll repeat it, he said it has to come from somebody who is very close to you, and not by talking but by proof of evidence by your action. Yes, it was because of his action somebody noticed there's a change. Yes, that is what I think we need to understand. I personally feel, rather than talking—at least with parents especially—talking is a very thin line. When you talk, the mind can become active because it's coming from a perspective of, 'Hey Dad, I know better than you,' right? But the point here is, at that time if your mind is active, guess what? He's your actual man; he knows better than you. Parents can actually see your blind spots. So when we are operating from the mind and trying to give gyan to family members at that point of time with our mind, it's impossible to bring them to this side because they can smell it. This child is coming from the mind. I've experienced this, what Narin actually said. I've been telling my parents for a very long time, but at some point of time I said I'll stop. I was reading a card and it said, 'If you feel you're enlightened, go live with your family for a week.' Ramas, go live with your family for a week if you feel you're enlightened, right? And it's true, because don't talk; just be with them without getting triggered, without getting the mind active. So I experimented with this for a very, very long time and I've realized that most of the times the relationship with my family—with my brother, sister, mother, and dad, just the immediate family—was broken for whatever reasons. Then I started fixing it just by pure unconditional love at home. The minute I entered the house, come what may, whatever was the trigger: pure unconditional love. And I was rather focusing on my sadhana at that point of time, my practice at home without them knowing what I'm doing. In that, they could smell the fragrance, they could feel the change, and slowly they do whatever I do in their own limited way. Somehow when I go home I feel so safe, like you're entering your mother's womb. It's the same space I feel with my family members, be it my brother or sister, where even the relationship was very different. Right now I have the same experience of a safe feeling with my family members because I went through a lot of processing of trying to talk, then instead of talking I went to the action of silence and doing what you better do, which is your sadhana. So maybe I just wanted to add what Narin was talking about. I think maybe more love... I think we can talk, but more than talking, I think maybe action speaks because they also love us. I wouldn't say that any parent would hate a child. If they really, really love us, they would understand us and try to absorb it in their little way, what they can take, and slowly bring them along. That is where I feel it should be completely from your heart rather than just proving, 'Hey Dad, listen, you know what? I'm better than you, I'm enlightened now.' I don't think that will really work. So this is what I want to do.

You can say that. Thank you. Thank you. So, firstly, nobody is enlightened. Okay, let's not get into that trap of saying that we are. I'm saying let's not talk to our parents and say, 'I know better than you, I'm enlightened.' So that's not at all what I'm saying. Secondly, I feel that all of us, up to a certain age, are just children who know too much. Basically, we are just children with a set of concepts called grown-ups, mostly in the world, you see? So let's not presume that people who are older necessarily know more than us or less than us. We don't have to get into that comparison at all. It has to be completely heartfelt. And like I said, what is the most important thing? Are we getting clouded by fear in our conversations with our special relationships? Now, are we coming from the heart? You see, so if you're coming from the heart—not coming from prior conditioning, fear, what's going to happen, judgment, all of that—then it's fine. Because many times we can also hide behind 'they have to come to it themselves.' We can hide behind this. We can hide our lack of faith and courage behind the idea of, 'Oh, it has to come from them.' You see? So, what is the best way to gauge that? Are we allowing our heart to speak or are we falling into our old conditions, our old fear patterns, our old conformist traditional ways which we've been taught are good and bad? You see, and in that process, are we depriving them of an opportunity to find God's light? That's why maybe it's a good example: if Tukaram Ji said, 'Let me just wait for people to find their own way,' then why would he go from village to village with his tanpura just singing, you see? Because God also needs foot soldiers somewhere. Everybody's a foot soldier of Maya, but God also needs us to be foot soldiers. If we are beloveds of God but we are so sheepish—and many times also the perfect is the enemy of the good, like 'I have to do it perfectly'—then we get too much into planning and strategizing. Instead of that, we just allow the heart to open. The heart has to open first. It's only then it's genuine.

The heart has to open first. The heart is closed. I don't remember any time... I don't feel I've ever spoken from the heart.

Do you remember speaking from love? You want a mic? You want a mic or just over there?

This is one example coming. Many of us have had what we call love marriages. When we love that girl, or that girl is in love with the boy, we are able to speak fearlessly from that love with our parents. I feel I'm the worldly one and I feel I pressurize him too.

Thank you. Very good. So you're feeling that in your relationship construct, you are the worldly one who is doing what? Can you give some example?

Like if my father calls him and he does not pick up, or he's doing something and he does not want to talk to him, so I will pressurize him. Because I'm scared of both things: I'm scared of upsetting my parents also, and I feel they'll feel bad. And he would not pick up because he's busy or it's going to be a worldly conversation. That time he was going to pray, he was tired. This time he was going to pray, I remember, he wanted to rest and he said, 'Okay, I'll do it later.' So I did not say anything, but I did make a face. He called my father, but I feel in some other instances also, I am lagging behind in my sadhana.

So let me put a more pointed question to you, since you've already had the courage to say this. I'm very appreciative of that, but let me make it a little more difficult for you after having said that. When he is being prayerful and godly, do you find that something in you gets activated to pull him more towards the world?

I feel scared. I will be left alone and I'm lagging back in my prayer.

But you are also on the same journey.

That is what, Father, I feel I'm behind. I'm left behind. I'm not able.

You feel like he's going too fast? No, in the sense that you feel like your fear of being left alone is that he's progressing much faster, more deeper in the spiritual journey, and you feel like you will be left alone to catch up. Is it like that? But then the attempt should be to try and talk to him more about God, so that you can also be with God as much, if that is the root of it. Sometimes the root of it is also the worldly idea that we must do these things in balance. You see, now you must identify which one it is. Whether it's feeling that on the spiritual path your partner will have gone much further ahead and you will have to do the catch-up for the rest of your life—and the cure, the antidote to that, is more spirituality, not less—or is it that you want him to be more worldly, more something in the world, and balance this out more? Which one is the primary?

I feel the first, but I know...

Okay, so my child, I want to tell you that if you feel like your partner is deepening in God's light, then—sorry if it sounds harsh—but the biggest disservice you can do to anyone is to try and pull them out of it, because then you're being a soldier for Maya, not for God. Okay? If you're feeling insecure like that, that he would have gone too far and become unrelatable somewhere, then I feel you should talk to him more about God so you can also get a sense of what he's going through. He can get a sense of what you are like in your journey. And remember that on the spiritual path, all of us are just one millimeter away from each other. Like, I'm sitting on this pedestal as your teacher only because I have taken one tiny step before you. That gives me the credentials to come and give some advice. So the gap is not like that, you see? And it is a lifetime project; it is a lifetime of deepening, a lifetime of growing in God's love and light. Now, if you continue to harbor this kind of thing, both of you—and I'm sure he also may be harboring something—if you continue to harbor it, you will come to a point where you will intersect and then diverge from each other. If you both decide to walk the path of God together, you will only come closer and closer to each other. See? So that's a decision that you have to make. Do you realize that God is the most important thing in your life?

It is very shaky.

What are the options?

There's no option as such, Father, but I keep forgetting.

That is Maya. No, that is Maya. So what happens is that when we forget that God is the most important thing, then what does it make important? Work, money, relationship, financial security, the construct of the personal relationship, you see? Future—all of these things seem to get important. Now, have you seen enough people who've lived that way and what happened? You've seen; all of us have seen enough. So do you want to follow that template? So then, if you don't want to follow that, you must deepen your faith, deepen your conviction that God is the pathway.

The most important thing, then what does it make important? Work, money, relationship. Work, money, financial security, the construct of the personal relationship, you see, future—all of these things seem to get important. Now, have you seen enough people who've lived that way and what happened? You've seen, all of us have seen enough. So do you want to follow that template, whatever? So then if you don't want to follow that, you must deepen your faith, deepen your conviction that God is the pathway. God is the only refuge in this world which is full of Maya everywhere.

Now God has provided both of you a golden opportunity to transform your life. This Antahkarana, our soul transforming into spirit, is a very rare opportunity. You see, and the odds of winning that opportunity are less than getting a lottery. You see, the only thing is that because the world doesn't consider it to be ten million dollars, but somewhere you know now in your heart, right, that you have an Antahkarana, you have a soul. That Antahkarana can be filled with the world and worldly things, and then you can die and hopefully in God's mercy we get another chance, or you can use this lifetime to transform this Antahkarana into the most beautiful vessel for the Atma, so that there is no difference left between your soul and the Atma. Huh? This opportunity, where will you get? Grace has put together so many steps that you had to come to this point.

And you see many travelers who started along with you have dropped off, you see. So please, my children, all of you, please recognize the opportunity that you have. Our soul can be filled with God and that's such a rare thing. You see, so please count that as the highest wealth. There is no greater wealth than that. You see, if you have that, then I promise there will never be a lack of anything in your life. If your focus is also on that, you will never have the lack of anything. Your greeds will not be taken care of, but your needs will always be taken care of. God himself has promised us that. You see, so have the courage, walk on this path with me.

You see, because you don't want to end up in a place where you reach the end of your life and you say—you don't want to have a regret at the end of your life saying, 'I had the opportunity, I realized that the design of my being, my soul, is to live in Atma, and I have wasted that opportunity,' you see. So I'm very proud of you for having the courage to say what you said today. But now you need to act on it. You need to act on it. You can become a light of God instead of becoming the soldier for Maya. And I'm not fully buying the thing that you are that worldly, but I'm saying that if you were to presume that that is true, you see, then please remember that Maya has no real gifts; it only has temptation and vapor. You see, temptation and vapor. Tempts us and then we get vapor in return.

Now suppose that Ramdas tomorrow works really hard and makes a billion dollars. Huge. You have crores and crores, you see, but he's become a worldly person. Would you want that for him?

Are you sure about that?

Yes. If you're sure about that, then don't let Maya come and tempt you. Now this doesn't mean that he has got carte blanche. Carte blanche is free license to do anything he wants. If you find him being lazy, neither in God nor in Maya, just wasting time, just all of that, then as a wife in your relationship you can always talk about things even on the worldly way. I'm not saying now just—I'm not saying that, you see. But I'm saying that if you find that it's true that he is wanting to immerse himself deeper but you are trying to pull him out because of your insecurity, then that is the Maya trick that Maya is playing on you. You need to deepen more and more in that spirituality. Then you will not feel that gap. In fact, you will feel happy that my life partner is progressing so well, so deep. What is the thing that bothers you the most?

I'm not able to—like, what triggers you when he's—when you're in the house together. We don't have nothing like—

You want to communicate with him but he's just sitting quietly and praying like that.

We don't relate. I don't—God is true.

What is the relation? He doesn't love you?

He does.

You love him also. Now what is the construct which is not being lived up to? See, these are very primitive mind tricks. Like when you're together, you'll say, 'But he should be like my husband also. Why is he just focused on spirituality?' Husband. If you get a husband, what will you get? That if somebody is playing the stereotype of the husband very well, but there's not true love in his heart. You see, somebody's playing the stereotype of the husband really well but they have no connection to God, and that husband is going to die one day, the wife is going to die one day, then what for? We can't waste our life. Now that doesn't mean that he should not have any responsibilities as a husband. He's taken that role with eyes open, so that also has to be clear, you see. So it cannot become spiritual escapism that anytime you need to do something which involves the role of the husband you say, 'I'm just praying, I want to be silent.' That is not right.

But so whatever you can do to make her happy, to not make her stressed about this topic, also reassure her that you're together with her in this process and you can walk this journey together. But a child who can come and say that they are the one in the relationship being worldly, that is also good. A lot of courage to be able to say that. But then that should lead to some change. You don't want to spend your life playing on that side.

Yes, Father. I feel I'm struggling for managing time for focused prayer. Father, the whole day goes like that. Time next morning 7:30 or 8:00 I'll wake up and get ready. At 45, 50 minutes it takes me to reach office.

Okay, so that 45 minutes, what do you do?

I sometimes pray, sometimes listen to Satsang.

Sometimes? So 45 minutes prayer you can do then.

Then office. Today I got some time like it was very busy in before noon. Lunch she told me. So I think 20 minutes.

So also what about the japa?

Today I tried.

It's not easy because you're talking to people constantly, all of that. I realize it's not easy but at least in every break time, everything, return to your prayer. Constantly do the chanting. Yeah. Okay. Good. Then what time do you come back?

By 4:30, 4:45 I get free and then again 45, 50 minutes.

So one and a half hours for prayer. Already you have ten.

I'll sincerely—so it's not a time thing.

Then 5:15 you're back then.

5:15, 5:30. Non-Satsang days I like—no. Then 5:30 onwards what happens?

I'll change. I'll eat. I sleep.

You're a bit tired from work. You want to unwind.

I sleep.

Do you talk to a lot of patients constantly?

No, Father. My work is not clinical. I'm not seeing patients.

Good.

It's—I feel I deal with ministry. It's more chaotic and stressful. But not always. It's not always then 8:00, but I waste a lot of time on social media.

Yeah. That we can cut down. That we can cut down. I noticed for myself also once I start watching some YouTube then before we know it one hour has gone. It's the design of these platforms. So we have to become a little vigilant about that. See, but you're good. One and a half hours already. Then you just need to take out another half an hour, one hour.

Thank you. Sorry. I want to change.

It's completely fine. Anything you want to say?

It's not true, Father. I'm not—not the way she's saying I'm—

Which part?

That I'm going faster or something. Not at all. I mean you can ask Mother, she'll tell you. I'm still stuck in a lot of things. And some of these examples like she said, I—like in this particular example I can say that like I'm very rigid in a lot of things, you know? And there I resisted initially when she said make that call and I thought it's okay, I can just make a call and then except for the prayer I took it in that way, in that sense. And I have a lot of my own conditioning and a lot of things that I—

What is the number one condition?

Feeling right. Feeling right and—

Above—any condition means right. So that is equal. What do you feel most right about in the marriage construct, if you don't mind my asking?

Um, that I have to take care of the house and I have to do a lot of stuff at home and I don't get help for it. That's one of—

You have a lot of stuff to do in the house.

Yeah. Like manage the household chores.

Which is more than what her work involves. Now why do—I'm just trying to—I'm not judging. I'm just saying, why is that a source of conflict? You feel like she has to work less going to her work and whatever she does or—

No, no, no, Father. Like I feel—it's not a comparative thing. Okay. I feel like I do my part of the work as well, like when I work with Mother and also the household stuff, this thing. Yeah.

So you have two jobs, she has only one. I'm just putting it into words. Is it really true, like Mother has so much work every day?

Um, it's in phases. Before, when the retreats—

Sometimes in our defensiveness also we build up these postures. See, one good thing is you don't have Bangalore commute. That is a big yes, Father. Really? Anyway, it's not a competition. Don't get into that trap of who's doing more because that, you see, trust me, at fifty-one almost, that you will not be able to resolve. So don't have that. Only that who's doing more is not really the point. And then just reassure her also that your intention is not to run away some far in your spirituality and leave her behind.

Yes, Father. So as long as she doesn't pull you back, you're happy to work together, isn't it?

Yes. Beautiful. It's their first anniversary. Today is your anniversary. See, first is difficult. Congratulations. You made it to first. It'll get easier now if you focus, both of you keep your eyes on God and just come closer in that love. It'll get easier. It'll never be easy but it may get easier.

But congratulations on your first wedding anniversary. I found it very courageous for a child to—I don't feel anybody has done that so far in so many years. I said that I am playing for Maya right now in the relationship. That is already a sign that God is calling you to be able to say that. So my full blessings are with both of you and there will be difficult times, there will be happy times. Just keep your eyes on God. You're lucky that both of you can be in Satsang. Everybody doesn't have that. Most people, if one partner comes to Satsang, the other one resents it actively, you see, and they try to find something else or all this ego comes into play. But because both of you met in Satsang, you have that advantage now. But don't let Maya pull you out and say no. What is the main purpose of your asking? What do you feel is the main purpose? You mean the dryness in prayer or the dryness from the apartment?

Like when I'm away, Father, I don't feel love for anybody. Like when I'm away in my heart. Yes, Father. Like when I'm—how do I—when I'm thinking too much, I'm feeling too emotional or—

Yes. Sometimes it's also—are you able to notice that you're going to your mind? Like when I'm told, like Ma told me today, then I thought, 'Okay.' Unless I'm told, I'm not. So then it is simple, no? That we are not relying on any thought except God's name. Somebody posted something very beautiful, said that, 'My only job is to think about God.'

Like when you're away in your heart. Yes, Father. Like when I'm—how do I—when I'm thinking too much, I'm feeling too emotional or—

Yes. Sometimes it's also—are you able to notice that you're going to your mind?

Like when I'm told, like Ma told me today, then I thought, 'Okay.' Unless I'm told, I not—

So then it is simple, no, that we are not relying on any thought except God's name. Somebody posted something very beautiful, said that, 'My only job is to think about God. His job is to think about me.' Simone, will you post: 'My only job is to think about God.' How can you think about God? Remember His name or just talk to God, communicate with Him with any construct of relationship that you want with Him. So that's how you think about God. Now if you are thinking about God, He's thinking about you. You don't have to worry, you know.

So what does that mean? It means that we think we are resolving something in our thoughts. We think we are working on our life, trying to make our life better with our thinking. Now who can resolve our life better, us or God? God can do it. So if you've handed over everything to God, including especially your mind, then God has to take care of you. Yesterday we were listening to this thing also where, now suppose you work in somebody's house who's the most kind and merciful. You're employed in their house. Now if you go and ask them, 'Okay, Master, I need 10,000 rupees,' you see, now because he is so kind and merciful, he may give us 50,000 rupees because you asked for ten, you see. But we've asked for ten because that's as far as our thinking capacity goes, you see; that's our limitation. Now if we said that, 'No, it's all up to you, I'm living in your grace,' not with the intention that he'll give me more because of that, but truly that because I just love you, then the merciful one may create a universe for you and give you and say, 'This universe now belongs to you; you are the lord of this universe,' you see. But our capacity would not be even to ask for something like that. Not that that is a great gift to have, but I'm just giving an example of the scale difference between what we may think and what He may give.

So beautiful example Baiji took. He said Sudama, he went to Krishna. His wife had sent him and said, 'No, we are in great financial trouble. Please, your friend is the King of Dwarka. You please ask him for some financial help and come. You keep saying he's your friend.' Now Sudama said, 'I will, he's my old friend.' He loves this rice, you know, puffed rice, poha, whatever. So he just carries that as a gift for him. Now Krishna, of course, He knows everything, but He's waiting to see what Sudama did. So Sudama in his friendship gives the rice to Krishna and Krishna eats it with great love and He treats him like a king. But Sudama, because so much love he felt for Krishna, his mouth did not open to ask for anything. Just feeling that love was so intense that he never came into that posture of wanting, desiring. We felt that kind of love sometimes when we just love so much that we just happy to have that love. We don't want anything from them. You see, so Sudama was in that mode.

So he never asked for anything and he's going back. While going back, he's starting to worry. 'Now my wife is going to kill me. She sent me to get money. I went there. I didn't get any help. I've just come empty-handed. Now, what is it that I'm going to see?' So, he enters back and he's like, 'How have I returned to Dwarka again? I thought I'm walking back to my house.' So, what had happened is he walked back to his house, but Krishna had given him his palace. Krishna had given him his servants. Krishna had given him everything that he saw that Krishna had. So without asking, God knows better what we need. So his wife is waiting for him as the queen of that palace. You see, so in that sheer love for God, such a deep, deep knowledge is available for us to learn.

Then Baiji spoke about Ma Shabri also. Ma Shabri, why was she tasting the ber and keeping them for Lord Ram? And Bai said she would do this every two hours because she would not want to feed Him stale berries. You see, every two hours for sixty years she did this. She kept the path for God. She picked the best berries for Him. And she did not have any of this worldly thing that, 'Oh, but how can I give Him half-eaten berries?' She just wanted Him to have the best. She was wanting His happiness, you see. Sudama Ji wanted His happiness by taking the rice because he remembered, 'My friend loved this rice,' you see. So he wanted Him to be happy. Ma Shabri wanted Him to be happy. So did she ask Ram Ji for anything? She didn't ask. What did she get? She got the world because of her got the Upadesh on Navadha Bhakti. What are the nine pathways to Bhakti, which is still being taught in the world? And she attained a permanent place at His feet in Vaikuntha as a result of just wanting Him to be happy.

And I realized that I have not even begun the path. I say I'm a beginner on the path. I've not even begun because my relationship with God is always, 'Oh, make this like this. Keep me like this. Help me with this.' Whenever I prayed to Him saying, 'I just want You to be happy. What can I give You that You will be happy?' You see, so what I learned is that God is here. You see, 'God is here' is what I've been saying. But what can be delightful that I can give Him that He's here? Huh? Is our Bhakti like that? What is it that I can delight Him in? What can make Him happy? What can make Him peaceful?

So I remembered St. Therese of Lisieux saying that, 'Oh, poor Jesus, He's so tired because He's constantly having to take the initiative and help everyone.' And then I remembered—I watched a video just yesterday, this is how grace works—just watched a video yesterday where Krishna Ji is saying that, oh, He's talking to Draupadi and saying that, 'Your meal was excellent, now I'm feeling so sleepy.' So Draupadi tells Krishna, 'Huh? Then why don't You sleep?' So He says, 'That's the thing. I can never sleep.' You can never sleep. So then I felt like, can my lap be the one where God can come and sleep? Not because I know He will give me if I don't have anything to ask. You see, because if it becomes contaminated like that, then it's a convoluted love; it is desire framed as love. But can I be the one who now leading this life for His joy instead of expecting Him to give me joy constantly? It's a very deep blessing that can our Bhakti come to this point that our life become just an offering to Him. Our heart become just something for Him to taste and enjoy. Can our heart become those berries? Can our heart become that rice that He can come and taste?

You see, so I want to change my life from saying, 'God is here, I have nothing to worry,' to 'God is here, I'm here to make Him happy. I am here to give Him peace. I'm here to give Him rest. May He not move a finger to ever help me. I just want Him to rest in my lap.' He's here. Come sleep. Rest. Rest. Rest. So it's the bhava of it. It's the feeling behind it. Of course, Draupadi knew that it's God. Sudama knew that it's God. Shabri knew that it's the Lord of the universe. He doesn't need the berry. But in the heart of the bhakta, even knowing that, you just want to do everything possible to give peace, to give rest to the Lord Himself. How come I don't—I've read this lesson so many times but it just hit home last night. I went to sleep then suddenly I woke up with these allergies and things that waking up often in the night. So I put a video of Anant Bodh Giri Bhai and he's talking all these things in the middle. I was like, 'Am I dreaming?' You see, is this a dream Satsang going on? You see, so then what I did is I made sure I sent it on WhatsApp. Next morning when I wake up, it should not be like lost. So I sent it on WhatsApp. So then it is there. Can become like Sudama Ji, like St. Therese and Ma Shabri. You see, and I misunderstood the story anyway. I misunderstood the story of Ma Shabri feeling that she wants to see Him for herself. She just wanted the opportunity to make Him happy and feed Him the sweet berries.

Sorry, this story, I love it so much. Brahma Ji got Radha Krishna married, right? Yeah, like there was a secret marriage. And it is said that when—I don't know if I'm quoting it right—but that Brahma came there and he saw Radha and Krishna and only the Gopis were there. Apparently he got so full of joy, like he relished it so much that he couldn't perform the rituals and he was fainting out of that great ecstasy of that love that was there between the Gopis and Radha Krishna. And then when he came back to life, he asked the Gopis, you know, 'How do you do it? How do you remain in service, you know, to them?' And they told him—one of the two—that they maybe they told him that, 'This is not why we are here. We are not here to take taste of the joy of being with them. To be a Gopi is to put aside your joy and only be in service.' So you deny your joy each time to serve Radha Krishna. As Gopis they said that, 'Otherwise we'd all—if we started enjoying this, we couldn't contain it.' And I just got reminded—I must have heard—

That joy which Lord Shiva himself wanted to taste and dressed up as a Gopi to taste that joy.

Yeah. The Gopis themselves kept the focus on serving the Lord rather than blaspheming for the joy.

Yeah. And Brahma said to—that's why, like, ask for the dust of the Gopis, the dasis of Radharani.

The dust of the feet. Yeah, servants of God. How much I've spoken about servitude without realizing even what servitude is. Yes, he's been waiting a long time. Yeah, it feels perfect. Satsang, like, on this topic you were talking earlier about relationships and sharing about—well, I feel I take a lot of good recommendations for going back. Yeah, I sent you a message but I just want to repeat, like, I'm so grateful to you and to everyone, the Sangha. It's been very, very blessed. Um, just like this, that just to share this, you know, like this that you are saying now, how can we deepen in our Bhakti and in our offering to God? These last days, this homework that you gave us, like to maintain this baseline, let's say, always with the name or with some—I had like left it a little bit honestly, but I heard something that was very inspiring. And like this, this glasses to con, because maybe at first, like, the excuse that the mind gives is like, 'This is impossible,' you know. But then I was seeing a documentary of the life of Sharat Kumar and that when he finally meets his Guru, Baba Ramdas, like he gives the same instruction, like, 'You chant the Ram 24/7.' And he tells that in just—I'm not putting it as a benchmark—but that he meant seven days, like he just like transcends everything with just with Ram, you know. And that inspired me so much, you know. Like, so I saw like maybe, you know, is more like deepening in the trust. It's not that it's impossible like the mind says.

Would a Guru, especially a great Guru like Swami Ramdas Ji, give an instruction which is impossible? Can never be possible, please.

Yes. And yes, I've been trying that. And also then he tells, like, shows Kumar speaking with Devaki and he was saying like, 'It's not that this beggar was able to do it 24/7, but I was trying to do it 24/7.' And that trying itself is tapas. And that that was like, 'Okay, I will try.' Yeah. Um, yeah. I feel like and it's that that's what's needed the most important.

Yeah. Even the great sage Mirabai, who was the pious bhakta of Krishna, she sang, 'Payoji maine Ram ratan dhan payo.' You mean that, 'I'm so happy I found the gem called Ram,' that is the name of Ram. That is so beautiful that all the sages have pointed us in this way. And it doesn't have to be the name of Ram; it can be any name of God which you resonate with the most. So if you find just, 'Oh Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Krishna,' or 'Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.'

It's that that's what's needed the most important. Yeah. Even the great sage Mirabai, who was the pious bhakta of Krishna, she sang, 'Payo ji maine Ram ratan dhan payo.' You mean that I'm so happy I found the gem called Ram, that is the name of Ram that is so beautiful that all the sages have pointed us in this way. And it doesn't have to be the name of Ram; it can be any name of God which you resonate with the most. So if you find just Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Krishna or Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. If you find that difficult like that, then do it like at the end of the EDS, and you can slow it down. If your mind is being too distracting, you can make it faster. If it is mellow, then you can just go 'Ram.' So sometimes to treat it as one unit of seven is helpful to keep us in the thing because otherwise many times when we break it into just now, then somewhere the mind gets a window after every, you see. In this case, I don't know how it gets fooled like that, but in this case when you make it a unit of seven, 'Ram,' then it rises at the end of every seven. You notice that if you experiment with these things, you realize the mind is also very simplistic. You see? So, I find it helpful like that.

Sometimes you just take the prayer at the end of the EDS and just continue like that: Ram, Ram, Ram, Ram. There comes a point where just hearing it in your heart, not to rush through these things. If you rush through these things, then you are depriving yourself of a very beautiful journey. Yeah. So just in the rush to accomplish, don't let go of the most beautiful journey from head to heart. It'll happen organically. Okay. So then our life becomes just in two modes of operation. One is that I am saying my prayer, Ram, Ram, Ram, Ram, and He's watching me. Ram Ji is watching, or He Himself is saying the prayer and I'm watching it unfold. I'm listening to it. Those are the two modes of operation that our life becomes. Are you able to meet this? When we are going 'Ram,' notice that His presence is present to this praying, like we're sitting in the heart temple doing the prayer and He's aware of that prayer. It's very alive. And then when it deepens, then you notice that He Himself as the Atma is remembering Ram, Ram, Ram, and you are just enjoying the most beautiful remembrance of Ram.

And that remembrance then gets subtler and subtler and brings you to the sheer silence of contemplative prayer, like God and just meeting like this. You cannot tell the difference between which is me and which is God. Anyway, just like that.

Can I say something more? Because this that you have sent, that you said like, I'm chanting and He's watching or He's, you know, I've been contemplating that touch somewhere. I don't know if I'll be able to express it now. But like, it starts to bring the insight or the experience. Sometimes like this consciousness that is apparent now, like, is He Himself watching as well?

He Himself. Yes.

But like, yes. I don't know, like, what? It changed something, you know. Maybe earlier I could say something as well, something like this as well. But this that you sent and said, like, I'm chanting and He's watching, brought light to the fact that this being aware now is, yes, like having the experience, like feeling as He, as my consciousness, is He watching something?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Your being, your Atma, your spirit is His presence. So His presence is perceiving and He Himself as awareness is aware of the perception. So as long as there's distinction in anything in our lives, then we feel like I am doing, then I am doing the chanting and He is not just watching, but I feel He's enjoying. So that was what I wanted to also add, that how can I give Him joy now that I know He's here? How can I give Him peace? It is just to remember Him with love. He's here, you know. Ram Ji is here. And instead of me saying, 'Give me this, give me that, I want this, help me with this,' all of that, I'm just saying, 'Ram, Ram.' Now that contains everything. No, the joy that you came, you see, you are here, you came, is contained in that word 'Ram.' That wonder, that amazement, that gratitude. Thank you. Thank you for coming. Thank you that You're here. You make this life worthwhile. All that we want to share with Him is contained in remembering His name.

You see, so initially even if it feels mechanical and you don't feel like He's saying so much gratitude, so much love, so much wonder, so much faith, all of that, but when I say it, just 'Ram,' you see, this mind can scare us with these things. Don't get bullied by it because that very mechanical-seeming thing will lead you to the deeper experience, the deeper faith, the deeper joy because you are letting go of the mind. Every time you say Ram, every time you remember God's name, every time you remember to do the inquiry, you are letting go of the mind. And in the letting go of the mind, we will fall into our original nature. And our original nature is to love God, to be with God. So all that will fall away. All the faults will fall away. Faith, love, all of this is our original nature. So all the garbage is being chopped away, being thrown out, and we are returning to our original nature.

It makes it so easy because if I had to build my faith, I don't know where to get the raw material for faith. How to grow in my faith? I don't know. So, it's so much comforting to know that that faith is already my original nature. It's just that I've been involved in some garbage and that garbage is getting cleaned out. Now, as it is getting cleaned out, that wonder is already here. That joy is already here. That faith is already here. The gratitude is already here. You see, so that's very comforting. And now by God's grace, we have the tools necessary also to return to our original nature. So then we have nothing to worry about now except to follow the path that the teachers have shown us. We just have to follow. And could it be simpler than just Ram, Ram, Ram? I mean, can there be like, to meet the Lord of the universe you just have to say 'Ram'? You can't buy a house in that much. You see, so you go to somebody and say, 'I've done ten lakh Rams, will you give me your haus?' They'll not sell it to you. So we have found a way to become one with the Lord of the universe, make our Antahkarana soul alive with His love and light. It's such a small task. He couldn't have made it simpler for us.

You see, you know conceptually, but Maya, self-concern, self-image, self-something, self-actualization, all these things, you climb the hierarchy of needs, all of that stuff gets you trapped in the false, the lie. So just vigilance towards pride, not getting into any progressive traps of the mind, and just you have the spiritual currency now. You see, every time you remember it, you get one more coin. This is the only coin which you will not lose. Every other coin is gone with death. All your credit cards are gone. All your cash is gone. Everything is gone except this stays with you. And it's so simple actually. So happy you came, my dear. I'm very grateful to all of you for being a part of this journey. I know it's, you know, it's full of all kinds of changes and my expression has changed a lot in the last few years. My path, what I feel to share, seems to undergo changes and it happens all by His grace.

I'm very grateful to Guru Ji for being such an important light in this life. He blessed me for so many years with so much and I'm very grateful now to these traditional Indian sages who just come into my life and stolen my heart. So may all these changes that God brings about in our lives not lead to any malice or confusion or divisiveness in any way. But I have to be honest to how things unfold here and I would never hide anything from my children, from my family, from my Sangha. So I find myself falling fully in love with Hanuman Prasad Poddar Ji, with his family of sages like Swami Ramsukhdas Ji, Radha Baba, while I continue in very deep gratitude to Guru Ji as well. So we'll post on the WhatsApp groups whether this is the last one or Wednesday is the last one. The Sangha is very confident that we have one more on Wednesday. So we'll go with that for now because usually I'm very bad at these things. But I'm back next Monday. Definitely I'm back, definitely God willing. Oh, Dory is here. Nice.